#aside from all the coffee that is
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musicoftheheart · 1 year ago
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ugh i never realised how much it would suck not to have a working laptop until i dont
i was being all gay in a coffee shop today for a few hours and motivation struck to write, and who am i to ignore that? so i spent like five hours handwriting my fic, having to switch hands every time i got cramp, and i cant even post it yet because im not about to now type that shit on my phone yk
and to make matters even worse, no pretty people came up to me and asked me out like in fanfics :(( like why else do i sit in coffee shops for hours instead of at home if not to fall in love?
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aldoodles · 2 years ago
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Live footage from a corner of the annual ‘really tired 12 year olds who could kick my butt w a sword and also need a vacation’ support conference. Percy and Gregor are bonding about being New Yorkers and Hiccup can understand what it’s like to fiercely love a home others might find hostile or weird.
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divinekangaroo · 10 months ago
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Started reading Lymond Chronicles after @deadendtracks' comment that SK must've read them too / based Tommy on Lymond....
and like i'm what, at ch3 or 4 maybe and...
yeahhhhhhhhhh XD
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sysig · 19 days ago
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Not going the best (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#Cure#Vent#The start of it anyhow#Draw to take the mind off things - or to approach the hurt without touching it directly#Gift-giving season 2024 was just - bad lol#Birthday was sad and Christmas was sad just toss it plsthx#I mean there were good things! I got a couple plushies for Christmas which I like - I got a Bulbasaur ♥#But there were also a lot of bad things......hghh....#If I turn to Bar it's only fair Charm turns to [Coffee] for comfort#He really needs a name maybe this year will finally be the year I buckle down and make a naming convention#Bit of Cure as well - we're both chibi'd the heck out but ehhh approximate size maybe#She's probably a little big here actually but I dunno maybe she kept her proportions lol - maybe I'm just super chibi'd#Normally I wouldn't turn to her but I needed some cutes and she is definitely that#I watched an anime recently that kinda reminded me of her too hmmm - she won't get any signifiers from it I don't think but maybe new toys#She does enjoy things to play with lol (read: mess with other people with)#Napping without glasses is something that pops up a surprising amount for me huh - I mean yeah that's how I sleep but as an art subject hm#Graphite version of TVAU Charm from the silhouette/ink set! With a better grasp on the expression I was going for#I don't think I Quite got it - it's harder with simple dot eyes to imply directionality#Tiny aside into a brief bit of levity - before things broke bad again lol - I tried a little sample size of moonshine eggnog#Shit's lit honestly it was really tasty and decently high proof so even for such a small amount I got a bit dizzy! Nice#I was gifted the same brand's coffee moonshine and it was neither as tasty or effective but I appreciate the gesture all the same#First night my PC was out - obviously I was worried for her :( I'd only backed up a handful of files not including my Ghostkinz stuff#So I was very worried they'd be affected.... They weren't but boy was that a gamble!#The other stuff... I mean first of all thank goodness I /had/ backed up that handful because a few corrupted while she was out#That last scribble in particular was after the confirmation that my diary was lost And she had bluescreened#We were out and about seeing if we could pass the time until her permissions got transferred over and had just called it that No we couldn't#So we called it and went home and I got to start trying to parse those feelings while still trying to Secret Santa hahaa... Hgh just toss it
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meringuejellyfish · 5 months ago
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sitting up in sudden recall and realization. Their couch is green ...
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^ as you can see i did not lie for it is green. there is nothing more to this post other than my mind wandered to this image again and the takeaway this time was the acknowledgement of the couches color. my heart started racing. and theres also that silly silly pillow
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deus-ex-mona · 1 year ago
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it’s that time of week again…
#and M A N today’s getsuyoubi was extra yuuutsu#first i dropped 2 cup things filled with water. cool. a mess was made. nice.#t h e n my workstation shook by itself and one of the cup things toppled down again. only it was filled with (diluted) acid this time!!!!#i wish it fell onto me bc at l e a s t my bad day would’ve ended with just an acid burn instead of getting worse#bc *then* we found out that we were near-out of [insert reagent here] that we need to run blanks for [test thing] yay!!!!! joy!!!!!!!!!#so we had to use a substitute solvent (sadge)#if only it ended there aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#i left work on time -> waited forever for the delayed bus -> decided to get some coffee or sth as a pick me up t h e n…#the coffee place happened to run out of single bags so i decided to put it into my bag instead (mistake)…#…a n d dropped my phone while trying to prop the stupid drink upright so it wouldn’t spill.#unfortunately for me though... some rando picked up my phone some time within the 30s-1 min wherein i realised that my phone was gone…#…and took it home with him instead of handing it to the customer service counter at the nearby train stations. ha.#called my phone a couple of times with the phone from a customer service counter but he~~ didn’t~~ pick up~~~~~~~~~#and so. long story short. i had to leave the house an extra time to go to this guy’s place to pick up my bb (read: my phone)#bc the dude~~~ can’t~~~~ speak~~~ english~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ so he didn’t understand me when i told him my location~~~~~~~#and now it’s almost 8.30 in the pm. im waiting for the delayed bus to go home from wherever tf i am now. and i haven’t eaten all day :))))#(aside from a small cake thing but it’s negligible tbh)#aND HOLY FK I HATE THIS I FLAGGED DOWN THE BUS BUT IT SKIPPED THE STOP HELP ME I JUST WANNA GO HOME#.am i allowed to cry yet. i. just. i just wanna eat my dinner.#…come to think of it my drink ended up spilling in my bag while i was hunting for my phone. so. there’s that to clean up ig.#ughhhhhhhhh i wish that guy had just left my phone where he found it. s o b s#so yeah. if you read this i hope you had a good monday at least…#this truly is my ✨t r a g i c c o m e d y✨
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saucerfulofsins · 3 months ago
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Hello, feel free to ignore this but after I've read the way you spoke out in that pidt I'm sure you know the one I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart thank you. And I hope you have a wonderful day thank you
🥰🥰🥰🥰
First off, thank you for your lovely message! I absolutely know what post you're talking about. Above all though, I'm glad it helped you a little. I'm under no illusions that it'll reach the people I wish it would, but that's not its only point. This is. Making the people I care about feel less alone.
I hope you'll have a wonderful day as well. Please take a moment to do something nice for yourself! 🥰🥰
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kowaindar0u · 8 months ago
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//
lancer rpg session tonight was quite fun and tbh a mood-lifter lol
not only did we succeed our mission and level up but also--perhaps more importantly-- I won a bet/competition against the other melee striker in the party. Next session I get to rub it in >:)
Now I return to just vibing, maybe will try doodling again now that I'm a bit more chill
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blackvelvetofnight · 1 year ago
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coworkers who you'd hang with outside of work but on shift you need to kill with hammers
#so many of our part time people are incredible but there are a few that make me homicidal#one of our people is so sweet but has that flaky hippie energy that Does Not Work in this field#one morning she came in and i was like ok i need you to stay with this person while i get literally all of this shift done#and she was like okay! 😃 and not even five minutes later i looked up from the eight tasks i was juggling#and she was wandering over to the coffee maker meanwhile the person was losing their fucking mind while she was pouring her coffee#like la la la tee hee !#like with love and light meet me outside i just want to talk#a different day i had gotten everything done and had all my residents ready to go. meanwhile there was ONE resident left upstairs with her#and i heard screaming and pounding and was like christ ok and came up to check in with her and she was like haha yeah theyre really mad#and started going aww i bet you want to calm down right now wow youre going to regret being this mad later!#and i had to be like i need you to switch with me RIGHT NOW and shes all surprised like ok if you say so lol#i miraculously got everyone calm enough to get out the door and pulled her aside like HEY person who has worked here for nearly two years#when someone is not only upset but so escalated theyre trying to KICK DOWN A DOOR#you should not be like haha i bet you want to calm down sooo bad rn#and she was like lol thats a good point! 😃👆#like im going to throw you down a well
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sacrilegiouslamb · 1 year ago
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coffee candy is FAT i feel like none of you understand me/lh
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littlekingbergara · 2 years ago
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Original promo anon here. Yes I don't have detailed knowledge about advertising/promotion. My comment was just an amateurish assessment.
I myself wouldn't need promotion at all. I follow them on their socials additional to youtube and I'm involved in the fandom. So I wasn't thinking of myself when I messaged you. But I kinda have the feeling (and I don't have hard facts to prove this theory) that we aren't the main part of their viewers. We are just the ones that interact the most and therfore are visible. I assume most viewers only get their information from YouTube. And you already can see it in the comments. People comment that they can't wait to see the rest of the GF season/are confused because they thought it will premiere later this year/ asking for other shows (e.g PH). And they comment like this after watching the episode and they should know it is a one-off episode.
I guess in the end it doesn't matter how confused the other people are, as long as those people watch the shows.
I just wanted to share my thoughts. And it makes me a little bit sad that people perceive these thoughts as too excessive and unnecessary. I think (or at least I hope) it is not wrong to think about this (business related ) part of Watcher. 😣
Hope you all have a nice day/evening/night nonetheless.
oh no it's okay! i hope my response didn't make you feel like you were worrying excessively?? i didn't mean to make you feel bad i was just offering another perspective based on what i've noticed about how they've promoted shows specifically and exclusively on youtube in the past.
no yeah you're right that we who follow them on socials and participate in fandom absolutely aren't the majority of their viewers we're definitely a vocal minority (they have less than 500k followers on instagram and 250k on twitter compared to 2.6 million on youtube).
there are comments on Every video no matter what show is airing that are asking when ghost files (even unsolved) is coming back. before that they were asking when puppet history is coming back. that's why imo it's less confusing to post the trailer before (so on monday in this case) so the comments arent "you said puppet history is coming back what is this" or something like that. idk how to get into the mind of a youtube only viewer or a youtube commentor but that's probably how it would go.
it's totally fine and fun sometimes to think and talk about what the business side of watcher looks like. i hope you have a nice day! im sorry again that the way people including me responded made you feel bad! 🫶
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nerdie-faerie · 2 years ago
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My inability to stay at someone's place and not thank them for having me Vs my big sister instincts to let my hungover hosts sleep, fight
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10-59 · 24 days ago
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(Staring at essay I’ve been trying to finish since 2pm)
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alygator77 · 14 days ago
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another wip from me. hehe. supermodel satoru.
warnings: mdni, smut, fluff, masturbation, obsession. (honestly, satoru feels kinda yandere af. he's fucking down bad for you.)
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supermodel! satoru whose life is a whirlwind—flashing cameras, designer clothes, and breathless whispers of adoration. on the surface, he has it all: the perfect career, the perfect face, the perfect life. but perfection… has its price.
supermodel! satoru who, after a ten-hour photoshoot that left him feeling more mannequin than man, slumps into the cold embrace of his sleek penthouse. the city glimmers outside his floor-to-ceiling windows, vibrant and alive, but it feels distant, like a movie playing on mute. he’s surrounded by luxury but drowning in solitude.
supermodel! satoru who, running on three hours of sleep and bad coffee, barely notices when his fingers fumble over his phone, sending a text message to you—meant for his manager. tossing the phone aside with a sigh, he stretches out on the couch, exhaustion pulling at his limbs—unaware that this accidental message is about to flip his world upside down.
supermodel! satoru who, when your response comes through, doesn’t realize at first that he’s texted a stranger. his initial confusion shifts to mild annoyance, but that changes the moment he reads your sharp, unfiltered reply. intrigue replaces irritation, and before he knows it, he’s texting back, unable to resist the pull of you on the other end.
supermodel! satoru who keeps his identity a secret, finding it strange at first, but soon, it becomes refreshing. for once, he’s not the face on billboards or the name in glossy magazines. no—for the first time in forever, someone is talking to him—not his fame, not his face, just him.
supermodel! satoru who finds himself grinning like an idiot whenever his phone buzzes with your name. you tell him about your life—mundane, you call it, but to him, it’s captivating. days turn into weeks—texts in the middle of the night when he’s jet-lagged and bored in some foreign country. voice notes where you laugh at his terrible jokes.
supermodel! satoru who one day, finally reveals who he is, and with a mix of arrogance and curiosity, boldly asks for your photo—eager to see the face behind the name he’s grown so fond talking to.
c’mon now... I show my face to the world every day. least you could do is show me yours ;)
your reply pings through, accompanied by an attachment, and for a moment, his breath catches.
supermodel! satoru who has seen countless beautiful people, surrounded by them every day, but there’s something about you that has him hooked. perhaps it’s not just the way you look—it’s the way you’ve made him feel. for the first time in forever, he’s not just admired; he’s seen.
supermodel! satoru who ends up sprawled out on his couch later that night, your picture propped up on the coffee table in front of him as he grips his shaft. his shirt is discarded somewhere on the floor, his sweatpants pushed down to his thighs as his cock strains in his hand—red, leaking and desperate for attention. all he can focus on is you.
supermodel! satoru whose glossy lips part as he pants, pumping his dick, his head tipping back while the phone’s glow casts shadows across his flushed skin. his penthouse is filled with the slick sound of his hand sliding over his length, mixing with his shuddering breaths.
“fuuuck… so fucking pretty…” he rasps, his hips bucking into his fist. his strokes grow faster, more desperate, as his body thrums with heat.
supermodel! satoru who murmurs your name like a prayer, thick with need, chasing his inevitable release. “nnngh… gonna—ahhh—gonna cum f’you,” he moans, breathy and broken. His voice cracks as his back arches off the couch.
supermodel! satoru whose strokes grow frantic, erratic, his abs flexing tight as thick, hot ropes of cum spill over his stomach, painting his skin in sticky streaks of white. the release leaves him trembling, every drop wrung from his body as a low groan escapes his parted lips.
supermodel! satoru who exhales a quiet laugh, his chest heaving as a lazy smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. he trails his fingers through the mess, smearing it across his toned abs as his smirk deepens—amused and awed by how much you’ve made him cum.
supermodel! satoru who can’t focus during his photoshoot the next day, every click of the camera drowned out by thoughts of you. his mind lingers to the filthy fantasy of your body beneath his—your lips whispering his name, your legs wrapped around his waist.
the ache in his pants becomes unbearable, and he excuses himself, slipping away to the bathroom under the pretense of ‘fixing his hair.’
supermodel! satoru who locks the bathroom door behind him with trembling fingers, his breath hitching as he pulls up your photo again. his hands fumble with the buttons of his designer pants, desperate to release his aching erection.
supermodel! satoru who stares at your picture with half-lidded eyes, his thumb swiping over the swollen tip of his dick, spreading a slick bead of precum across the sensitive head. "fuck… you’ve got me so worked up," he whispers with a cocky smirk, and his free hand grips the edge of the sink, his cock twitching eagerly in his fist.
“pretty girl… god, I’d ruin you,” he shudders as he fucks his hand. with a sharp inhale, he reaches out to twist the handles of the porcelain sink. but honestly, the cascading water is a feeble attempt to drown his debauched sounds—sounds he knows he can’t hold back.
supermodel! satoru whose mind spirals into pure filth, his fantasies running wild as he pictures your body beneath his—writhing, trembling, utterly at his mercy. your hands would cling to his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin as he holds your legs apart, spreading you wide as he fucks your tight little hole.
"bet you'd look so fucking good under me," he hisses through gritted teeth. “all spread out, legs shaking… pretty little mouth begging f’me.” his hand tightens around his cock as his hips jerk forward, “fuuuuck, you’d take me so well, wouldn’t ya? haaa—every fucking inch.”
supermodel! satoru who is teetering on the edge when a sharp knock cuts through the haze, echoing against the bathroom door.
“satoru? you’re needed back on set!” his manager calls, muffled but clear.
but his strokes turn frenzied, the interruption fueling the thrill—the sheer audacity of jerking off in the middle of a shoot. his moans mix with the rush of running water and the persistent pounding on the door.
“shit—fuck—fuck—” his voice cracks, his body seizes, and in that instant his cock erupts. he whimpers, milking his dick as his forehead falls forward against the mirror. as his thick hot seed spills on his hand, it streaks across the counter in messy, sticky arcs.
“satoru!” the knocking continues, louder this time, his manager’s voice growing sharper.
“i’m coming!” he yells back, and the irony of his words pulls a breathless laugh from his lips.
supermodel! satoru who stands there for a moment, panting, his reflection staring back at him in the mirror. he’s a fucking hot mess—cheeks flushed, his hair a disarray, and his lips are swollen from biting down so damn hard, trying to keep quiet.
supermodel! satoru who tucks himself into his pants, buckling his belt with practiced ease as his smirk slides back into place. he splashes cold water on his face, tidies his hair, and by the time he steps out of the bathroom, he’s the typical picture of confidence—swaggering back to set with a cocky grin as though nothing happened.
but deep down, he knows he’s utterly, completely fucked.
why? because you’ve become his favorite addiction, his sweetest downfall. and it’s only a matter of time before he finally makes you his.
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a full fic for this will be coming out! lmk if you wanna be tagged. edit: taglist closed
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 4 months ago
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thinkibg. ...
#random thoughts#guess what motherfuckers it's blue man time#god they should have done a rickdonald's#mcorty's? rickdonald's holds a special place in my heart but then again... m...#anyway a mcdonald's in the citadel stuck in 1998#staffed fully by morties and ricks and 1 (one) rando#some guy who some rick thought was The Best mcdonald's employee (always made fresh coffee and tolerated his drunk midday ramblings) so he.#kidnapped them. and put them in the rickdonald's#i call them The Employee#their life hasn't really changed all that much aside from all the customers and employees looking identical#they're a community college graduate who's distant from their family. slowly stopped talking to their high school friends#and didn't make new ones in college. probably depressed. suicidal in a 'i wish i could just stop existing' way#they can't quit the rickdonald's job because what the fuck else would they do. can't leave the citadel#because where the fuck else would they go#kind of a metaphor for how capitalism forces us to fight for our own survival and traps us in a cycle while we slowly die#mostly me dunking on how shitty mcdonald's is#sometimes they get dragged into adventures with random ricks and morties#most of the time it doesn't end well#i imagine them being introduced in an episode which introduces the rickdonald's as a brief gag#and then there being a comic which goes into the day to day life of The Employee#with the first third-ish being pre-taken life#the second third-ish being post-taken life (with some panels being basically identical to emphasize how samey their life is)#and the final bit being the og rick being like 'oh fuck uhhhh yeah let's put you back bud' because that rick just found out what he did#and now they're back in their original dimension! after having been missing for like. five? five years?#the final FINAL bit being they were a missing case!!!#i imagine the rick spat them back through a portal at the mcdonald's which he took them from#and that would be where the comic ends!#post-being spat out at a mcdonald's life would be VERY different for The Employee#you can either go the 'they reconnected with their family and lived with them until they got a new job and apartment' route#or the 'they became a homeless drifter and were eventually taken in by rick and morty when morty guilted rick into it'
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celestiamour · 1 month ago
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‧₊˚✧ ❛[ me & my husband ]❜
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ft. the salesman (gong ji-cheol) x f! reader — squid game
╰₊✧ you don’t need your husband to be perfect, you just want him to be honest┊3.3k words; part two (here)
contains: written before s2 came out!! probably ooc or inaccurate, angst with spots of fluff & a bittersweet ending? reader’s pov mostly, suspicions of cheating, lack of communication, mentioned age gap, random inaccurate lore for the salesman
➤ author's note: yeah, i saw the sudden uptick in notes on that gong yoo post i made and realized season 2 came out which i completely forgot about. i intend to watch it soon as possible and write fics for it as well as (probably) add new characters to my writing list, but for now, please be content with this!!
₊˚ʚ 💌₊˚✧ this fic was heavily inspired by “emotionally intoxicated” by aurasaurora!
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gong ji-cheol is the poster image for the ideal husband. he’s always been like that from the moment you met him, and you can’t help but feel like you’re the luckiest woman in the world when he calls himself yours. he’s tall and handsome, someone who catches everyone’s eye despite his only being focused on you. he’s wealthy and hard-working, able to call a luxurious mansion your home, and willing to buy you anything your heart desires as long as you ask for it. he spoils you rotten with that money, gifting you expensive things even if you didn’t ask if it reminded him of you. he’s doting, always sure to smother you in affection with kisses and cuddles whenever together to make it known how much he adores you. the sex is great too, he makes you feel wanted and desirable without ever leaving you unsatisfied. 
most importantly though, you love him, and he loves you. the last two years of marriage have been so blissful, and there isn’t a single thing you would change.
at least that’s what you believe most of the time.
you like to think you know a lot about him, and in a way, you do. you know his favorite color, how he likes his coffee, what he usually orders at restaurants, the type of wine he prefers over beer, the exaggerated shocked fasces he likes to make, how his favorite chore is folding the laundry, how his least favorite is doing the dishes because he doesn’t like getting his hands dirty, the name of his childhood pet, what positions he likes to cuddle or fuck in, the names he’s thinking of giving to your child when they are finally born— there are so many little details you know about him, yet at times you feel like you don't know anything at all.
you don’t really know much about his childhood aside from a few random stories, he claims there’s nothing really notable and that it was as standard as can be. you don’t know who his parents were or what they were like because he said they died when he was young, but surely that’s an important loss which must have impacted him and made youth difficult in some way? you don’t know about his past partners if he even had any, but you doubt you were his first as he was yours with a face like his. you don’t know any of his secrets, like an embarrassing moment or something sinful he might have committed in the past. 
he knew all of these things about you and the little details of your life, so why don’t you know any of the most basic things regarding your own husband?
these periods of uncertainty are few and far, but once the icy tendrils of doubt creep in, it’s difficult to shake them off when you realize you only know these things through observations and not him actually telling you. it’s a miracle your stupidity allowed you to make it this far in falling head over heels for him, getting married, and carrying his child (not that you completely regret it, you still love him, but you wish you had given it more time).
they say there are no such things as stupid questions, yet the main question you have is exactly that as it’s something every wife should know even before the marriage. it would be impressive how long you’ve been clueless about this matter if it weren’t for how often and how skilled he is in managing to evade your curiosity and steer the conversation elsewhere. you didn’t want to press on it since he seems to shut it down every time the topic is brought up and you don’t want to fight over something you technically didn’t need to know, but it weighs on you and presses into your chest with the knowledge you were being kept in the dark. 
what did your husband do for a living, exactly?
his schedule is always unpredictably changing with little rhyme or reason and it confuses you. sometimes you’ll go an entire few days without seeing him, sensing him wake up in the morning before the sun is even up, feeling him kiss you on the cheek before getting ready, and not coming back until long after you fall asleep with no communication aside from a note on the table telling you he’ll be gone for the day along with a wad of cash for you to treat yourself while he’s gone. other times he’ll be chilling at home for an entire week, waking you up with aggressive cuddles (or morning sex), making you breakfast with the morning news on in the background, and taking you out to wherever you want to go on his card in his rare casual clothing and messy wavy hair rather than the typical fancy suits and hair styled with gel. 
as far as you’re concerned, he’s a businessman of sorts, although you don’t know what company he works for or what position he has in terms of hierarchy or how an occupation of that type allows such flexibility in hours or anything at all. 
“what if he’s having an affair?”
you paused for a second before continuing the motion of slicing the cheesecake with a fork and savoring the taste in your mouth. “that’s ridiculous,” you stated simply after swallowing. “he loves me very much, and it doesn’t explain his weird schedule either.”
today was spent with some friends you met back in high school, but honestly, you were only attending out of politeness and tradition since you honestly feel like you’ve disconnected from these girls long before the current. still, you treasure the memories shared in your more formative years and wouldn’t ever say no to them if they wanted to hang out like old times. ji-cheol doesn’t bother to hide his distaste for them, calling them a miserable lot who try to drag you down at every opportunity out of jealousy for your happiness. you laugh it off, but you know deep down he’s right and yet you’re still sitting here at the cafe with them with bright smiles like their words don’t cut deep. 
“maybe he’s dating the boss— a sexy office siren type— she gives him plenty of days off and he stays with her at her beach house at jeju island or something to keep her company, and then she gives him lots of money in exchange.”
“oh my god, could you imagine?”
“can you be realistic? it sounds like you’re just writing a plot for a new drama,” you giggled, not allowing the feeling of a twisting blade in your abdomen to show on your face or the venom to drip from your words at the mere thought of the man you loved being stolen away a faceless woman who was everything you wished you were more of: more beautiful, more wealthy, more experienced, more intelligent—
“you don’t know because he’s your first love or whatever— and you’re so lucky to have been able to marry him— but men are dogs, and i don’t see why he would be the exception.”
“but he treats me so well—”
“maybe he only treats you well because you’re pregnant— he probably just feels guilty. i mean, when i was pregnant and had my first, my husband wasn’t attracted to me anymore and demanded a divorce unless i lost the baby weight.” she shrugged like it was so simple, so common, like the notion of marriage wasn’t something so deeply important and could be thrown away so easily.
“we aren’t suggesting you get a divorce, but we’re just saying you should keep an eye on him— you know? a handsome guy like him was always bound to get a lot of attention…” her laugh was shrill and high-pitched, making goosebumps erupt on your skin.
“right… thanks guys…”
that night, you couldn’t stop twisting and turning on the large sectional couch with thoughts rushing through your head of your husband with some other woman. the jealousy from these fictional scenarios without evidence of existence plagued you. it made you want to vomit up the negative feelings and go back to the person you were a few hours ago without the images of him cheating planted in your mind, which didn’t go unnoticed by him and caused him to ask what was bothering you as it wouldn't be good for the baby.
you hesitated for a moment, “could you tell me about your exes?”
“why are you suddenly curious about that?” he chuckled, knowing damn well that it was because of those stupid snakes masquerading as people (it truly takes one to know one) running their mouths again, but still feigning obliviousness for your sake. 
“just wondering,” you muttered. “i mean, you’re the first person i’ve fallen in love with, but you’re a bit older than me so…”
“and i hope to be the only one too,” he smirked confidently, making you laugh as he plopped down on the ground and rested his head on the cushion next to yours. 
it was such a casual setting in such a vast space, bringing you back to the days in your little apartment inviting him over for chicken and beer before you knew about your immense wealth and got embarrassed over your cheap dates when he was so used to expensive restaurants. he found it very endearing though, knowing you liked him for him and not his money.
“well, if you’re so curious…” he trailed off, but you weren’t quite sure if it was because of hesitation or because he simply didn’t know where to start. you can’t remember the last time a conversation like this was held to learn more about him since it was usually about you, maybe back when you first started dating and briefly discussed his late parents.
he started with his crush when he was in middle school since that was his earliest recollection of feeling love, who didn’t really count as a girlfriend or love because nothing was established and because of their age, but she was his first kiss that he ran away from right after because of how nervous he was, and it was never addressed again. apparently it was his second girlfriend who taught him everything he knew before he met you, saying she basically “trained him like a dog” to create a gentleman out of an inexperienced boy who still wasn’t quite sure how to treat a woman like a queen. she was a bit mean though, and he didn’t realize he dodged a bullet until later after realizing she was unnecessarily cruel to him for no reason multiple times if he didn’t do things exactly her way.
you suppose you always knew your husband wasn’t always the suave charmer you know him to be, but the image of younger him being clueless on matters of romance made you burst out laughing because of how you could hardly picture it.
he reached over to pinch your cheek affectionately, “are you of all people really making fun of me when you were too scared to hold my hand for me to escort you out of my car?”
“oh my god, that was on our first date, i can’t be blamed! i was shaking like crazy on that day— you had to tell me that you didn’t bite.”
“i was actually thinking about calling off our date last minute because of an emergency at work,” he confessed, “but i’m glad i didn’t and met the love of my life instead.”
“aw, you flirt.” the memory made you smile and feel all giggly inside, all the fears you had about him possibly having an affair falling away, yet there were still some lingering at the back of your mind with the mention of his job. “what happened at work?”
“nothing that important,” he said instantly like clockwork. “just some boring business things.”
you didn’t push it, not wanting to ruin the mood, but once again, your curiosity was just itching to ask more questions about his work life even if it was truly as boring as he says. you wanted to know every mundane detail whether it was what his office looked like or what the annoying co-worker did on a daily basis, anything to satiate your need to know more about this mysterious man you had made life-long vows with.
it all came to a head one night while you were cooking dinner, you heard the doorbell ring a dozen times in quick succession and answered it to find an older man with fiery red hair that seemed to match his temper. when he addressed your husband by name and verified your relationship with him, he began spewing all kinds of insults about the blood he had on his hands by luring innocent people to their deaths and you felt your heart drop. you tried to reason with him that there must have been some sort of mistake, barely able to get your words out in a fit of confusion and surprise at the absurd accusation, but he wouldn’t hear you out and pointed a finger in your face, asking if you had any idea what gong ji-cheol was doing behind your back. 
at that very moment, he was suddenly seized by two anonymous men in all black, causing him to yell out in panic as they dragged him away and stuffed him in the back of a car before quickly driving off into the night without a trace. it all happened so fast, you just stood there with your mouth open in shock, wondering if you should call the police on what looked like an abduction. 
then your husband comes running up the steps with his locked briefcase in hand, shouting out your name, asking you if you’re okay, pulling you back inside the comfort of your shared home, and checking you all over to make sure you aren’t harmed in any way. when you ask about who that man was and what he was talking about, he simply told you he was some crazy customer who was dissatisfied with the company, was looking for someone to blame, and promised to tell you the details later. 
you didn’t tell him that you didn’t believe him, just pursed your lips and furrowed your brow for a second then let go of the topic like you always do, taking his coat off his shoulders with a peck on the lips asking how his day was. he reciprocated the kiss, said it was fine without anything special, and that he would shower before having dinner, something he didn’t really need to say since you already knew but stated anyway as per evening routine. 
as he headed up the stairs and disappeared from sight, you stared at the locked briefcase resting crookedly on the little entryway table and paused for a moment. if you did this, it would be a breach of privacy and a sign of growing distrust in your husband, but it could also answer all of the questions that never cease. 
your hands wouldn’t stop shaking involuntarily as you felt the cold black metal underneath your fingertips, marveling at the smooth material clean of any scratches or dents. fidgeting with the built-in combination lock, six number sequences started rushing through your mind as you started to hastily run through your options with a focus on dates. you were determined to only do this three times since you had no idea if an alarm would be set off or if it would close off permanently.
his birthday?
an electronic beep went off indicating you were incorrect, making you nervous.
your birthday?
wrong again, you only had one attempt left. you swallowed, shaking the accumulating sweat off your hands.
the date of your wedding?
you gasped as the locks suddenly flipped open and lightly knocked against the briefcase. it was undone, you could open it at any moment now and see it all.
and yet you still hesitated during this golden opportunity. was it the fact that the passcode to his most secret possession was the day you got married? was it guilt for going behind your husband’s back for answers instead of directly asking him? was it because you were afraid of what you would find if you discovered the red-haired man was telling the truth?
whatever it was, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and locked it again, leaving it looking untouched and went back to playing dinner.
there was a heavy tension present at the dinner table that night, the only conversation present being him interrogating you about what the red-haired man talked about word-for-word. not really interrogating since his tone of voice was still calm and gentle as he asked questions, but you could see him fidgeting with his fork and not leaving much room for any other topic until he was sure you told him everything. he then sighed and claimed the man was insane, a gambling addict who was too deep in debt to afford treatment and was trying to drag him into his misery after meeting at the subway station. 
“ji-cheol?”
he froze for a second, not used to hearing you use his real name rather than a pet name. “yes?”
“what do you do for a living, exactly?”
a pause, you watched him fidget with his chopsticks and shift the grains of rice around. “you know, business stuff— nothing you need to concern yourself about—“
“but i don’t know! that’s the thing!” you felt tears starting to well up behind your eyes, letting two years of frustration trickle through. “i know it doesn’t seem that important for me to know, but is it really so important that you leave me in the dark about it for the three years we’ve been lovers? and now some guy comes to our doorstep and tells me about how your job is playing games with people at the subway station to make them participate in death games?!” you took a deep breath, calming yourself down, “please, be honest with me, that’s all i want…”
“i-i…” that was the first time you’ve ever heard him stutter, and if the situation wasn’t so tense, you would be proud you finally got one-up on him. “i can’t say… it’s for your own safety and mine.”
“so he was right?”
he remained silent, trying to think of some way to counter what seong gi-hun had told you, but if you didn’t believe the elaborate lie he already told you and wanted to learn more, then he knew this was the end of the road. 
“i-i need some time to think…” you looked defeated and it broke his heart. “i’m going to my mom’s house tonight, i’ll be back tomorrow—“ you got up, not bothering to pack anything aside from your phone and your wallet.
he had prepared for you to start screaming and crying (not that he would blame you, i mean, who would willingly stay with a man who was complicit in mass murder), demanding a divorce and packing your things to shut the door for him never to be seen again with your unborn child. the strangely calm reaction was both a relief and extremely unsettling to him.
“i won’t be mad if you decide not to come back” he stated plainly, defeated in a state you’ve never seen him in before. “whatever choice you make, i’ll support you, just know i love you— more than anything else in this world.”
you stared at him blankly through the open doorway. perhaps your husband isn’t the perfect man you believed him to be, but he was as honest as he possibly could have been with you regarding the matter, and that’s enough. 
“i love you too, i’ll be back in the morning.” that’s how you feel at the moment, but you don’t know if you’ll feel the same way tomorrow morning when it sinks in.
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