#asdfgjkl I was happy reading your ask
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congratulations mia, you outdid yourself again with jeonghanâs ficđđ
you remember how excited i was for his story? now i can sleep peacefully at night knowing that it is just here, waiting to be read again
(for readers: spoiler alert, donât read this ask if you havenât read Accidentally Kidnapping a Mafia Boss)
as for my insights and thoughts:
(1) planning to kidnap soonyoung was so smart of yn. when i read that on the teaser. my initial thought was âsheâs gonna use that brain again later in the storyâ and boy was i right. it was her brain vs. hanâs unending luck. tbh her plans on driving han out were good but han so lucky her plans didnât worked. what i wasnât expecting is her to plan jeonghanâs escape. meticulously at that. i guess love does change people.
(2) why does jeonghan has to be dyeing his hair the moment minguk came? or having the shaving cream all over his face when the police arrived? even the universe doesnât want him to be caught, it literally rained to wash away hanâs wanted posters. his unlimited luck cracked me up (i felt bad for ynâs wasted efforts a little bit)
(3) bss as ynâs bestfriends omg. they are absolutely the best. their bickering added flavor to the fic, too. and jeonghan thinking they and yn have a thing, i donât blame him. imagine having gorgeous guys around like that, would never be me. is there a bit of jealousy there too?
(4) it is both a dream and a nightmare to live in a small town because everyoneâs gonna know your business. also, her mom coming over as fast as she could still cracks me up. wrong timing mom. she even stayed the night and slept beside yn. i canât fanthom yn and jeonghanâs frustration. also, i know yn said her mom was nosy but i didnât expected her to be that nosy, she told han ynâs businessđđ
(5) han finding out he was held hostage broke my heart. i know one way or another heâs gonna find that out coz thatâs why heâs there on the first place. at the same time, my blood boils because BOHYUNđ đ . i hate him sm. yn is so brave for cutting him off. sadly han got the wrong idea and gave himself to the police coz he loves yn so much
(6) letâs give his assistant 1 a round of applause coz he is so smart he deserves a raise and a paid vacation. he thought of tracking hanâs phone so he knows where han is? loyal and smart. letting the boys go with their poorly executed plan coz it means jeonghan will be safe? loyal and smart. if jeonghan wonât give him his pay raise i will hunt han down.
(7) yn sexy brain at the end!!! i said it before and iâll say it again. the plan is so well done. honestly i am expecting her to wait for jeonghan to be let out of prison after years (i donât know what it is called). she even got to use her dressmaking skills and made costumes. i fell in love with her more.
(8) han changing his life for yn, thatâs love right there. heâs so sexy for asking yn for consent and respecting her decisions. yn going out of her comfort zone coz she loves han too. i want what they haveđđ
you are so great mia. you made me feel like a thousand emotions in one sitting. cheers to this fic, your past fics and the fics youâll be writing in the future. đđđ yay mia
ZENNN you read it and you left such a long review omg, you really do make my day everyday đ„Čđ«
Ahhhh you saw through that foreshadowing omg I love that! She is actually smarter than the average person but Jeonghan is just lucky? That aspect of the fic came from a very personal place because I in general have very very poor luck and whenever I watch GoSe, Jeonghanâs luck truly makes me so stupidly annoyed đ I wanted to incorporate that, and you, being the best person ever, amazingly noticed that đ„Č
BSS are my favourite chaotic set of friends hahaha the 70K version actually had a lot more of them leading to high levels of crack but the 29K one focused more on OC and Jeonghan's relationship and character development? And yes, I think Han had a bit of ulterior motive asking that question hehehhe
Small towns are really a bit of both hahaha I could never live in a place like that omg but these two made it work for 10 days so kudos to them hahaha and regarding her mom, yeah gosh she's a bit too intrusive but hey, it's because of her that things finally started moving ahead between our couple đ€
Oh yeah, I needed that bit of angst just to push the plot forward - give OC the final push towards her character development and let Jeonghan too go to lengths he never thought he could for a person!
Assistant 1 truly came through ahahaha, he too had a big hand in Jeonghan's escape and his chance to have a happily ever after with OC so he's definitely getting that raise đ
Our OC has had enough of waiting, she discovered herself thanks to Jeonghan and she wasted no time in living it đ
I guess Han has been the one who's always respected her boundaries and OC was the one who truly looked out for him - they really did need and deserve each other đ„Čđ
#asdfgjkl I was happy reading your ask#you're truly the best zen#I love how show your love for my work#nothing drives me to write more â€ïž#todayiscloudyday#favs#AKMB#Jeonghan
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our beloved summer | jjk (04)
You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isnât as strong as you thought.
pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader
genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, drinking, swearing, the word "dick" is mentioned a few times lol, jeon jungkook (yes, bc at this point he's annoying even to me), yoongi is a menace, oc is fighting with everybody asdfgjkl girl đ, inaccuracies about music making !! and i hope obs readers aren't music majors bc that'd be really embarrassing for me lol, idk i think that's it
rating: PG-15
word count:Â 16.3k
note:Â a major thank you to @daechwitatamic for beta-ing this for me and for doing it so fast!!, you are a gem ily jo đ„șđ„° aaaaaand omg yeah! i can't believe the duck is here. he's finally here!!! ah we love to see it hehehehe :') it feels fitting that obs4 is the one to close off 2022 <3
series masterpost / main playlist ; interactive playlist ; moodboards ; taglist
â as always, iâd appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading âĄ
Ask your new lover what it's like to be given A real fighting chance before you wish her, "Good riddance,â Did anything ever really count Or was I just a two-year practice round?
Before - NIKI
Ah, the grand opening of Jiminâs own dance studio. Itâs been in the works for a while now, ever since he quit his job as an instructor at that fancy academy downtown.Â
When you arrive at the venue, the event is already in full swing. You wouldâve come sooner, to see Jimin before things get too hectic and more people would want to steal him away to say their congratulations. You couldâve come sooner, had you accepted Jungkookâs offer to drive the both of you here. Itâs the less time-consuming option, and one thatâs more environmentally conscious, but you didnât want to be left alone with Jungkook â not after what Namjoon had unintentionally revealed to you â in a space where you couldnât force him to just talk about work while Jimin went to mingle with his guests, and Taehyung couldnât get off work any earlier than 6:30.
You have to hand it to Jimin. He really went all out for this. The venue he booked looks amazing, and so much bigger than you expected, but thatâs probably to accommodate the shit ton of people he invited tonight. Thereâs catering, cutesy party favors, and most importantly, an open bar that you absolutely would die for. Bless Jimin and his excessive spending heart.
Although, the photographer that he got for tonight canât exactly be considered great. He looks young, maybe early 20s and still hasnât learned how to lose the attitude yet, just walking around with his hefty camera and looking like he has a stick up his ass. Heâs definitely being underpaid. Jimin must not have taken this factor into account until he had already exceeded his budget.
âOh, Jiminie,â you mutter to yourself like a mom whose child just won the school talent show, making a beeline for Jimin and pulling him into a hug, not caring that heâs holding a flute of champagne that couldâve easily spilled onto you. âJiminie, Iâm so proud of you. I know how hard youâve worked, and you deserve this so much. I love you. Youâre going to be amazing.â
Every single syllable that slips from your lips is genuine. Youâve seen how passionate Jimin is, and you know how long this has been a dream of his. In your eyes, he deserves the absolute world and more.
You kiss his cheek to emphasize the meaning behind your words. Youâve never been the sentimental type with your friends except for rare occasions like these. On birthdays, you're not the one to shoot them the first happy birthday! text at 12AM on the dot, nor are you the one to plan surprise parties and go all out on extravagant presents.
You have your own way of showing your friends that you love them without any grand, tacky gestures. You like to think that youâre a good friend, and you hope they think that too.
But⊠you feel guilty today. You feel guilty for even toying with the idea of not going just because you didnât want to face Jungkook in a setting that wasnât the studio. When Taehyung asked if you had gotten the invite and you couldnât confirm your attendance right away, he looked at you like you were out of your mind. He looked at you like Why wasnât dropping every single one of your plans not the first thought that comes to mind when you received the text. Because this is Jimin youâre talking about. One of your closest friends. The incredulousness on Taehyungâs face that night made you feel small because really, you were being selfish.
After the breakup, you repeatedly assured Taehyung that he should still be friends with Jungkook, though the petty part of your brain wanted nothing more than to have Taehyung cut off all ties with your ex and tell him to go shove it.
If you werenât in the picture, they still wouldâve bonded the way they did and developed that kind of brotherly connection. Just because you and Taehyung were closer doesnât mean that he and Jungkook werenât close. They were close throughout college, and it had nothing to do with the fact that one was your best friend and the other was your boyfriend. Thatâs why you werenât particularly fond of making Taehyung lose someone he considered family, even if that man did stomp on your heart to hell and back.
You just had to make it crystal clear to Taehyung â and Jimin by extension â to not put you and Jungkook in the same place ever again.
And thatâs exactly what Taehyung and Jimin have been doing these past few years. Birthday parties, nights out and celebratory dinners multiplied by two to keep you and Jungkook separate. It was like you were strangers who never knew each other existed. Different worlds that canât ever collide. You all got used to this certain arrangement. It works out for everybody: You donât have to see your ex, and Jimin and Taehyung get to keep their friend. If it isnât broken, donât fix it.
The barrier that you forced between you and him worked, but sadly it did put a strain on Taehyung and Jiminâs wallets. You were always a group of five though, until Hoseok moved abroad the very week before college ended. He didnât even attend graduation. That summer, you werenât the only one left heartbroken. Hoseokâs parents had turned a 180 and decided to make him pursue another degree to take over the family business instead of continuing to let him follow his dreams, which have always been music and dancing. When he broke the news, you all gathered around and cried together. You were beyond upset for him; you knew how Hoseok shined the brightest when he got to do what he loved.
Since then, he only comes back a couple of times a year. Every time, you would all try and make the most of it, wanting to relive those college days that you cherished so much. But during each of these visits, there is always something bittersweet that you think you all could feel. Because Hoseok wasnât a constant in your lives anymore. The five of you were thick as thieves. You were there for each other through every high and every low. Itâs somber to think that you will never have that ever again.
Hoseok wasnât there to personally witness what the breakup did to you, but you were certain that he knew about it. Taehyung and Jimin must have told him at some point. You donât think youâve ever had a proper conversation with Hoseok about how your relationship with Jungkook ended. He only visits as seldom as it is. You donât want to spend every reunion wallowing in misery, or make everything about your baggage when everyone has their own shit to deal with.
âShit, Y/N, why are you being sappy?â Jimin mutters as he blinks at you, eyes glassy, all shy and adorable when he sniffles. âYouâre gonna make me cry.â
It isnât until then that you notice Jungkook standing next to Jimin, having watched the whole interaction with an identical champagne glass in his hand and a small smile on his face.
âHi,â he says, even though it has only been a couple of hours since you last saw each other.Â
You send him a nod, merely to acknowledge his presence. Taehyung pulls Jimin into a hug of his own too, swaying him from side to side like theyâre in their own little world.Â
You can feel Jungkookâs gaze on the side of your face but you keep your eyes trained on Taehyungâs back, watching your two friends be dramatic and goofy and happy.
When you deem that theyâve had their fun, you tug Taehyung back by his jacket. âOkay, thatâs enough, lovebirds. Youâre acting like you donât see each other every other day. Stop being so clingy.â
âNo!â Jimin swats your hand away but lets his friend go regardless. Heâs smiling so big that his eyes have turned into narrow slits, pearly whites on full display, cute pinchable cheeks turned rosy from the champagne and euphoria. âDo I look weird? I feel like I look weird. I canât stop smiling.â
âYou donât look weird,â you say, booping his nose affectionately then ruffling his head of blond hair. âYou look perfect.â
Jimin blushes, which makes him even cuter. Then his eyes light up when he spots someone behind you. His hand shoots up to wave the person over to your table as he calls, âHobi hyung!â
Hobiâ what?
You and Taehyung turn around, four eyes flying wide open.
Slapping a hand to Taehyungâs chest, you gasp. âHoly shit. Did you know about this?!â
âNo! Iâm as shocked as you are!â
Hoseok skips the pleasantries. He just grins brightly and yanks you and Taehyung into him, crushing you two in his hug as he shakes you enthusiastically. When he lets go, he kisses both of your cheeks. He diverts his attention to Jungkook then, yelling out Jaykay! so loudly that people turn to look. He does the same thing to Jungkook as he did to you, enveloping the younger man in a very Hoseok-esque embrace.
âHobi!â you squeal, completely overjoyed. Taehyung looks about the same as you, the two of you practically bouncing like golden retrievers. âWhy didnât you tell us you were going to be here?â
Hoseok shares a look with Jimin, and they both break out into a fit of giggles. âObviously I wasnât going to miss tonight,â he says. âBut Iâm disappointed in you, Y/N. You shouldâve surprised Jimin with me, not the other way around.â
âWhaâ Jung Hoseok, you blocked me last month after I sent you that jumpscare video.â
âOh, right,â he laughs. âIn any case, itâs always so good to see all of you simp over me every time I come home.â
âHobi, I implore you to stop saying âsimpâ as a grown ass man.â
âY/N, this grown ass man implores you to stop calling him Hobi.â
It isnât until now that you start to relax more. Everything feels so much simpler now that Hoseok is here and all of you are together. Catching up with him, youâre always enraptured to hear the stories he has to tell. Even if itâs brief and the bubble has to eventually burst, he never fails to give you that odd sense of peace youâve been craving since you got older. Hoseok has a way of making time stretch on forever, in a good way.Â
At one point, he stops talking, noticing something out of place. âOh? You twoâŠâ he gestures between you and Jungkook, and the conversation seems to end here because even Hoseok doesnât know what to say or what to ask. Clearly Taehyung and Jimin havenât been doing a very good job at keeping him up to date. Then things just start getting kinda awkward again.
You feel partly to blame. After all, youâre one of the two people making this weird for everybody.
For most of the night, you manage to avoid talking to Jungkook. Itâs not that difficult really, with Taehyung practically gluing himself to your side (per your request) and catching up with Hoseok, Jungkook could hardly get a word in with you.
You pat Taehyung on the cheek. âThanks for sticking with me,â you tell him.
âOf course,â he says. âAnd yâknow, itâs not like you really gave me a choice.â
Your hand thatâs still on his cheek goes to pinch it. His cheek is so squishy, it feels like youâre kneading dough. You canât help but squeeze your fingers a little harder.
âAh! Okay!â he squeaks out. âSorry!â
You giggle at his frowny face before giving him another affectionate pat. âSeriously, can you imagine Jungkook seeing me drunk without you to hold me back? Thatâs one of my worst nightmares.â
Taehyung bites his tongue, remembering the night he had put Jimin on pick up duty and Jungkook had tagged along. Taehyung even recalls the morning after, when he was walking on eggshells around you, trying to figure out if your memory would serve you. When he was positive that it didnât, he had to thank the heavens for letting him live to see another day.
Because if you ever find out, oh you would kill him. You would knock him to the ground and strangle him with your bare hands. Heâs absolutely certain that you would. Knowingly letting your friendâs ex see her absolutely shitfaced and crying over said ex? Now that is heinous.
âHold this,â Taehyung says now that itâs just the two of you, handing you his glass of whiskey. Hoseok got pulled somewhere so Jimin could introduce him to some of his staff, and Jungkook is⊠well, you have no idea where he is. âI have to pee.â
âWhat, now?â
âNo, two hours from now. Iâm just announcing it in advance,â Taehyung deadpans. âYes, now!â
âI literally just thanked you.â You glare up at him. He starts to get sassy a couple of drinks in. âIâll come with you.â
âWhat, to the menâs bathroom? Donât be ridiculous, Y/N. I donât even see Jungkook anywhere. Heâs probably mingling. Câmon, Iâll be gone two minutes, tops, okay?â
âNo, no, no, waitâ!â Aaand heâs already jogging away. Great.
You sigh, take a sip of Taehyungâs drink and immediately grimace. You really donât like whiskey. You find an empty table nearby to put the glass down and loiter. To anyone, you must look like youâve got a bad case of social anxiety, standing alone and fidgeting like that, but no, what you have is Jungkook anxiety.Â
As you keep your head down and pull out your phone to make it seem like you actually have something to do instead of waiting for your friend to return from the bathroom, your head bobs gently to the faint music coming from the speakers. Peace lasts for about thirty seconds. You turn to look when someone nudges your shoulder.
âYou look beautiful,â Jungkook tells you with a smile that almost blinds you. You have to admit, heâs so handsome tonight, and itâs part of why youâve been avoiding looking at him since you got here.
You glance down at your outfit. You tend to dress more casually at the studio, but today, you wanted to up the ante a little bit for Jimin. Itâs nothing fancy, just a smidge more put-together than what you usually go for. Knee-high boots, a black skirt, a cozy sweater and your favorite winter coat. Actually put on some blush for once to top it all off.
âIâve looked like this since the morning.â
âI know,â he says. âIâve been wanting to say it all day.â
Itâs the compliment, the sparkling eyes and the soft, warm smile making your face heat up. You bite the inside of your cheek, urging yourself to snap out of it.
The strategy is to deflect. You practically shove your phone in his face with the Gmail app open, making him squint in reflex at the sudden brightness assaulting his eyes. âSo Namjoon just sent me thisââ
Jungkook takes a step back and brushes your hand away. âHonestly, if itâs fine with you, can we not talk about work?â he chuckles as he says this. âI just got out of the studio. Iâd rather not think about it for a minute.â
So it would appear that deflecting is not a viable option.
âOh, okay.â You nod slowly, putting your phone back into your bag. You are so awkward, and too sober for this, and desperately need your Taehyung-shaped buffer. âUhm, so⊠what now?â
Jungkook gives you a quiet chuckle, trying to go over this as nonchalantly as possible. âFriends can talk about things. Iâm sure we can figure something out.â
Your brows furrow slightly as you recall what you told Seokjin before. Friends⊠Jungkook still doesnât seem to know the definition of the word. Does he think you meant it? That you were actually friends now? He canât be that fucking dense, can he? When he came knocking at your door not that long ago, has he forgotten that look in your eyes and the door closing in his face when he uttered this exact word to you?
From the start, Jungkook was never your friend.
âSorry, I didnât want to do this at the studio and I didnât want to do it here, today, Jiminâs big day, but I have to ask. What are you doing?â
He blinks, seemingly confused, and it prompts you to continue.
âWhat is this? What am I supposed to talk about with you if itâs not work?â you say slowly. âYou know I was just saying that to not make things awkward for Seokjin and Namjoon, right?â Too slowly, like heâs stupid and you need to enunciate every syllable. You canât help it.
Jungkook puts his champagne glass on the table. He looks a little lost, and itâs clear that this is a turn that neither of you expected. See, you think, wishing Taehyung would come back right this second to witness this, This is why I need to drink.
âWhat happened? I thought we were doing fine.â
He took the words right out your mouth, only a few years too late.
Is he serious? He really is that dense?
Your mouth falls open, trying to gauge if you are actually on the same topic, or if youâre even speaking the same language. It canât be more painfully obvious that you two have been living completely different realities.
âYou happened,â you snap, amazed by the fact that you even have to tell him.
You stop short of saying: Fuck you. You unraveled my life like a hurricane and now I have to be the one to remind you of it? You wanted nothing to do with me the last five years and now youâre trying to get me all to yourself?
You canât help the next question that slips out either. Blame the small part of you thatâs been dying to know this since you found out the news from Namjoon. âWhy would you think that weâd be fine? Who do you think I am to you?â
Jungkookâs lips part but he doesnât say anything for nearly half a minute. His face falls just a tad, and you donât really know what to make of that. His eyes glimmer under the lights. With what, you canât know for certain. It must be shame. Is it possible that thereâs guilt swimming in those irises? Underneath the surface of those brown eyes, is it too much to ask that there be some regret too?
You think the question nicked him somewhere you canât see. Call it wishful thinking, but you hope itâs the same place that he has always cut into you.
Bleed. Bleed like you made me bleed.
Finally, he says, âYouâreâŠâ
Then, Jimin practically shouts into a mic that he has procured somewhere. Wonderful timing, blondie.
âCan everyone gather at the front for a group photo please? Iâm going to hang it on the wall!â
You donât know if you should be frustrated or grateful for the interruption. That void that you used to fill with anger and resentment is now bubbling with something else. No matter how hard you try to swallow it all down, you know it wonât stop until you overflow, until youâre swallowed whole by that grief again. You feel foolish. Cheap. Hard to love, hard to keep. He meant the world to you but to him, turns out you were merely replaceable.
You turn away from Jungkook in favor of another chaos. In the midst of the grand Park family â Jiminâs many cousins, bubbly nieces and nephews who all want to be in the center of the photo â you get pushed to the side. Thereâs too many people here. Itâll probably end up looking like one of those company pictures where at least half the people have their eyes closed and the other half look like they canât wait to get out of there. You donât know where Taehyung is, if heâs even back from the bathroom. Youâre so tired. So drained, all of a sudden. You miss your bed and your comfy pillows and your warm fluffy blanket. You want to sink into it and melt like a piece of marshmallow on hot chocolate.
You stand there awkwardly on the very edge, aware of Jungkook loitering a couple of steps from you as you both wait for people to make up their mind on where to stand. You can tell that the photographer is getting frustrated when he finally steps in to guide the older people when they start looking like buffering Sims. You donât even know where Jimin and Hoseok are either.
âOkay, is everyone ready?â the photographer asks, his voice unamused as he raises the camera to look through the viewfinder. He doesnât even wait for any confirmation and just starts counting down. No doubt about it, Jimin is definitely underpaying this guy. âThree, two, oâ Wait. You on the left. No, my left. Yes, you, guy in the black coat. Could you stand closer? Youâre almost out of the frame.â
Jungkook â âguy in the black coatâ â shuffles closer until you can smell his familiar cologne over the overwhelming floral scent radiating off the woman next to you. He moves until the photographer gives his nod of approval, until your arms touch. It makes you nervous, even through the layers of clothes. What was he going to say? What did you want him to say? What could be a good enough answer?
You all smile as the camera clicks a few times. You mightâve had your eyes closed in one of the shots. Seriously, you have to make Jimin show you the picture before he commemorates his wall with it. If you have to be immortalized on a wall next to your ex, then at least you should look good.
Everybody disperses after that; some going to bid Jimin goodbye as they end the night and go home, some returning to their previously established groups to chat some more. You feel like now is probably a good time to leave.
You move to go find Taehyung, but someone stops you. A warm hand wraps around your wrist and pulls you back. You glance at where Jungkookâs skin touches yours, then your eyes flicker up to meet his. They donât let you move, and neither do the words he says next. His face is softer than youâve witnessed in a while. No teasing, no bravado. Just honesty.
âYouâre someone important to me.â
Oof. Two strikes in one night.
It makes you angry for some reason â his honesty. Because it really looks like he believes it to be true.
This is the last thing you wanted, fighting when youâre supposed to be celebrating Jimin, but you suppose itâs happening. âI canât tell if you mean it or if youâre just playing with me,â you say.
Jungkook pales a shade as you stare at him with hard eyes.
âI do mean it,â he says. He looks down at your hand, his fingers on your wrist twitching.Â
âIf that were really the case, we wouldnât be having this conversation,â you tell him. âIf I were really important to you, you wouldnât have screwed me over like that. If I were really important, you wouldnât be here right now, acting like Iâm something you can throw away whenever you feel like it, and pick back up like nothing ever happened. You know, I was starting to be okay. I was starting to get used to it and you just had to come waltzing back into my life. Do you know how important this is to me? That this is my dream I get to live but Iâm just trying to survive it and never have to see you again? Why canât you justâ Fuck.â
You choke on the last of it, knowing that if you keep going, you will cry, and your pride wonât let you break down in front of your friends and strangers alike. In front of Jungkook. You count each breath in your head to steady yourself until your lungs feel less like theyâre going to burn out of oxygen.Â
Youâre surprised that you were able to say that without much liquid courage. Youâre glad that youâre standing near the corner of the room where nobody is really paying attention to you. Jungkook lets go of your wrist, visibly gulping as he does so. It feels like thereâs an entire orchestra in here â people talking, music playing, all echoing around the room â and you suppose youâre thankful for that. He canât hear your heart screaming over the noises. If you werenât sure if he was feeling ashamed before, then youâre sure now. He should be ashamed, for everything he put you through. If you could, you would give it back to him ten times worse.
Quietly, Jungkook says, âIâm sorry,â and then nothing else.
You swear you can hear a clock go tick, tock, tick, tock⊠The passage of time is so palpable, like something you can hold in your hands. Minutes upon minutes, hours upon hours, days upon days - they sit in the palm of your hands but amount to nothing at all. They slip through your fingers again. Nothing is guaranteed, you realize belatedly then, certainly not closure. Youâre never going to get it right. Heâs always going to blindside you.
And no matter how hard you try to keep him at bay, heâs always going to get under your skin.
Stop slipping. Stop slipping. Stop slipping.
âHuh,â you mutter to yourself, bitterly, confusedly, amusedly, âI thought that would feel better.â
âWhat?â he asks.
âHearing you say sorry. Did you know that you never said sorry to me?â
âItâs notâ Iââ he stutters. How could he possibly object to that? Itâs the truth. Itâs the absolute and pathetic truth. He leaves the sentence unfinished like the history of the two of you, half written until he decided that he was done with it. Time would not tell the rest, and all you were left with were blank pages that no one could fill. âIâm sorry,â he ends up saying again, as if repeating it would make the words have more gravity. If that is his intention then you suppose he succeeds, because it makes your heart heavier.
âIâm trying to do right by you.â
You consider it for a second. When you turn away, you find Taehyung across the room, already looking at you, though you donât think he can hear anything from where heâs standing. Your friend has âworriedâ written all over his face.
âAre you trying to do right by me? Or by you?â you ask, and then something starts to sink in. You spent so much time thinking about it, wondering where everything went wrong. Going around in circles, dwelling, trying to put together puzzle pieces that just wonât fit. Thatâs time that you can never get back. Youâve always known that at some point, you would have to let it all go. Maybe now is that point. Let go of things that you have no control over. Youâre only burning yourself by holding on. Isnât it better to let it scar than to keep picking at the wound and making it bleed? âActually, it doesnât even matter anymore. Whatâs the point? Iâve come to terms with it. You can do whatever you want to feel better. Just do it by yourself. Donât use me.â
Jungkook frowns. âIâm not using you.â
You manage to suppress the urge to scoff. âIsnât that what youâve been doing? Thinking you could come back and sweet talk me and then youâd be absolved just like that?â
âI know you must hate me,â he says. â...for everything.â
âI do.â No fucking shit. âIf you know that, then why are you doing this?â Donât push it, your brain says, but the way heâs staring at the ground, unable to meet your eyes, looking like a puppy you just kicked makes you annoyed. âDid you know that the first time I ever saw you, I hated you?â you ask, making his eyes flit up to yours. âI wish we couldâve left it at that.â
When his face flashes with hurt, you almost feel bad even though you wished for this. His jaw clenches as you walk away, leaving him there by himself.
âWanna head home?â Taehyung asks before you have to even say anything. He regards you with soft and apologetic eyes, with a gentle hand on your arm and concern still etched onto his features. Taehyung is a warm summerâs breeze compared to the desolate winter that Jungkook has made of you. You answer with a simple nod.
âWait for me by the car. Iâll say bye to Jimin and be right out,â Taehyung tells you.
âOkay.â
He puts an arm around your shoulder and squeezes you once. âSorry about that by the way⊠There was a line for the bathroom.â
Monday comes too soon.
You have to face Jungkook again too soon.
âUnclench your butt.â
You snap your head to the sound of Yoongiâs voice right next to your ear. His tone is teasing, and his face even more so. The manâs got way too much energy for 9 in the morning.
âExcuse me?â you grumble. Youâve been standing outside the studio for almost ten minutes now, letting your nerves eat away at you because you know Jungkook is already here. You saw his car earlier.Â
âYour butt,â your friend says. âItâs too clenched.â
âYou were looking at my butt?â You give him a disapproving look.
âOnly because you look like youâre trying to hold in a shit.â Yoongi shrugs indifferently. âWhy are you standing out here anyway?â
Your fingers twitch around the strap of your bag as you try to give him a nonchalant answer. âTrying to manifest the death of capitalism before you interrupted me.â
âMhmm,â he says, eyeing you suspiciously like a distrusting cat. âSpill. What happened?â
âWhat happened with what?â
âI know you went to your friendâs thing on Friday. And I know Jungkook was there too. So what happened?â
You debate whether or not you should tell Yoongi. Itâs not like you have anything to hide; he already knows about your history anyway. But heâs been the most insufferable toward Jungkook in the short time that heâs been here, and giving him the goss on your little conversation the other day would only give him another reason to be an even bigger menace. You bite your tongue, and put on the most neutral expression you can manage.
âNothing happened,â you say. âYouâre being nosy, Min.â
You push open the door to be greeted by an incredibly cheerful Seokjin and Namjoon. Why is everyone so bubbly on a Monday morning? Have they always been like this, or do you just feel like everything coming out of their mouths is sunshine and rainbows compared to the black cloud hovering over your head?
Seems like you arenât the only one dreading the new week though. Jungkook visibly stiffens as you enter, completely devoid of that easy-going smile he always greets you with. âHey,â he tells you.
âMorning,â you reply. To him, to Seokjin, to Namjoon. You take a seat at your usual corner, setting down your bag and pulling out your pen and notebook.Â
Seokjin launches into conversation with Yoongi about a basketball game. Apparently there was one last night, but you donât really care about that. Namjoon doesnât seem to have much interest in the topic either, choosing to weigh in with an occasional hum here and there to be polite.
Like you, Jungkook is quiet. He knows enough about basketball to hold a conversation but you know itâs never been his favorite thing in the world. Normally though, even if he isnât particularly knowledgeable in the matter at hand, he would still act like heâs genuinely absorbed in whatever everyone was talking about, just to be friendly and sociable. He was always very good at networking; thatâs why people loved him in college. From what youâve seen, that trait carried over into adulthood as well.Â
From the corner of your eye, you could see Jungkook fidget in his chair. He turns his head every once in a while to glance at you, which doesnât go unnoticed by you, nor Yoongi for that matter. Yoongi nudges your knee with his own, prompting a curious look from you. He leans closer to your ear and lowers his voice so that nobody can hear.
âJungkook looks like his butt is pretty clenched too.â
Your grip on the pen loosens as you swirl it around absentmindedly, humming to yourself the melody off the page as if itâll summon words to the sheet, where itâs mostly blank beneath all the squiggly music notes. The men â with the exception of Namjoon; heâs out for the day â gather around, discussing the first demo track. You drown most of it out. Your job here isnât to wring out the kinks with the technical aspects anyway.
âWe could record something for the rough demo today,â Yoongi thinks out loud.
âToday?â Jungkook asks as he arches an eyebrow. âFor what track? We donât have a single thing completely finished yet?â
âBuddy, are you a glass half empty kind of guy?â Yoongi jokes. âFrom what I see, we have at least four tracks halfway done. Thatâs enough for us to record.â
The younger man leans back in his chair and crosses his arms in front of his chest, highly annoyed but he still tries to keep a straight face and an even voice. Itâs his first big project, and this fucking person is coming in and stepping all over his toes. To Jungkook, Yoongi is just some guy. He has never understood what the hype was about with Agust D, why he has always been a massive media darling and why everybody seems so enamored with him. Seokjin talks about him like Jungkook should feel so privileged to have the opportunity to work with such talent. Namjoon, his own freaking mentor, practically idolizes Yoongi. He almost passed out from glee when he heard that Yoongi would be coming on board. Even when the label was trying to get the rapper to sign with them, Jungkook never got what all the fuss was about.
Itâs almost frustrating to watch people around him fawn over Yoongi like he hangs the moon in the sky. If you feel the same way about him, you donât let it show, but Jungkook can tell that you admire and respect the guy a lot. He just canât figure out what the deal is between you and Yoongi. Something is there. If not from your side then definitely from Yoongiâs. He seems too protective of you. Taehyung is the same way, and so are Jimin and Hoseok, but with them, Jungkook understands. Theyâve been friends with you since forever, and he canât imagine that your friendship with Yoongi can ever be that special.
âI disagree,â Jungkook asserts. âItâs a waste of time to make a demo now when weâd have to do it all over again later. At this point, all weâll get is scraps. It wouldnât help us get anywhere.â
Yoongi glances at Seokjin, whoâs been watching but not really contributing, and they both share a look. It makes Jungkook want to get more fired up because he is supposed to be in charge here, but Yoongi is clearly more in tune with what Seokjin wants and how he operates. Jungkook will be the first one to say that he is not the best team player, but at least he tries. It usually works out just fine in the end, once he can get his ego out of the way to actually get something done, but this time itâs proving to be quite the challenge when it seems like Yoongi is constantly trying to hinder him.
âJungkook, look.â Even the way he says his name is irritating. âIâve been doing this way longer than you have, buddy. I was a producer before I became a rapper. I think I know what Iâm doing here.â
âAnd I see why you would think this is a good idea, but Iâm saying itâs a waste of time and effort to do this when weâll just have to redo the whole process later. You want a summer release. We donât have the time, and do we even have enough budgetââ
Yoongi tilts his head to one side with an amused smile. âAre you sure this is the right business for you? Should you be in risk assessment instead? Why are you here worrying about budgets and timing? Thatâs the whole point of doing preliminary demos, to help you see what direction to take and guide the creative processââ
âOkay, okay. Retract the claws, fellas,â Seokjin jumps in this time. âIâm with Yoongi on this one, JK. Take it easy, man.â
Jungkook tongues his cheek and nods begrudgingly. He makes it seem like heâs taking it in stride, tucking his chagrin behind a mask of indifference. Yoongi shrugs with a triumphant grin, clasping his hands together as he gestures both Seokjin and Jungkook to the soundbooth.
âWhat?â The younger man stares at the other two. âYou want me in there too?â
âYeah, just to test some stuff out. You have a nice voice,â Yoongi admits, and even though heâs being genuine for once, Jungkook still feels like itâs condescending somehow. Anything that comes out of Yoongiâs mouth is patronizing to him. âCouldnât hurt to see how it would sound like with Jin hyung. Maybe we could even use it later.â
Youâve been trying to keep your head down and shut out all the sounds. Sounds of Jungkook fucking singing. Why did Min Yoongi have to force him into the box?
Back then, you used to tell him that heâs good enough to be a singer. Heâd sing you to sleep whenever you were plagued with insomnia, or when you were sick, or just whenever you wanted him to. His voice always soothed you, made you feel warm all over.Â
As if ignoring him today wasnât difficult enough already.
âYouâre bleeding.â You hear someone say a while later.Â
Your head snaps up to see whatâs going on. Somebodyâs bleeding? How did that happen? But Seokjin and Jungkook are still in the booth, both looking at the paper that Jungkook is holding, talking to each other about something you canât catch. You scan the room, brows furrowed, until you see Yoongi looking at you.
âHuh?â He points toward your hands. âYouâre bleeding.â
Your eyes follow his line of sight until they land on what heâs staring at. You put the pen on the table and flex your hands. Heâs exaggerating, they arenât bleeding. Well, technically, they are if you count the reddened patches of cracked skin between your knuckles as bleeding. Your hands are just dry because the weather is cold. It happens. Dramatic Yoongi.
You wave him off with a smile. âEh. Itâs fine. Iâll put some lotion on it when I get home,â you lie. You donât even have any hand cream. Youâve only tried using a dollop of body lotion on your hands once, but you didnât like how your skin just felt so sticky afterward that it would leave visible prints when you touched your phone screen.
Yoongi shakes his head lightly. âNo, you wonât. Iâve noticed that for a few days now.â
You level him with a look. âWhat are you, the hand police? Itâs just dry hands. Iâm not gonna die from that.â
âNo, youâre not,â Yoongi agrees, but regardless, he stands up and walks to retrieve his bag from where he left it on the couch. You watch with curiosity as he rummages through it until he pulls out a white tube of something. He crosses the distance to get to where youâre sitting and settles into the chair next to you. He reaches for your hands then, and says, âBut do it for my sake. I donât wanna look at your ugly witch's hands all day.â
âYoongi!â you hiss, instantly scowling and failing to push him off when his stronger hand grasps one of your own. He pops open the tube and squeezes some of the cream onto your skin. âWhat are you doing?!â
âHold still,â he says because you keep squirming. When the sheer weight of your glare on his face makes him look up at you, Yoongi actually glares back at you. Gasp. âHold still,â he repeats firmly.Â
You huff out a breath in annoyance. You glance at the booth to see if the guys are looking, but Seokjin still appears to be focused on the music sheet. You see and faintly hear him humming, his fingers tapping the air like heâs counting the beats. Jungkook, though⊠Jungkook is looking.
In the few seconds that your eyes meet his, you can tell that heâs trying to understand whatever the hell heâs watching here. You feel your cheeks heat up and you donât really know if itâs because of Jungkookâs hard gaze on you or the feeling of Yoongiâs hands on your hands. You quickly turn away, missing the way the man in the booth pokes his tongue into a cheek.
You try to kick Yoongi in the shin but he manages to block your foot with his knee. He tuts at you disapprovingly. You watch him with a petulant frown as he rubs the cream into the back of your hand, between your knuckles, over each of your fingers. It feels expensive, though you would expect nothing less from Min Yoongi. The cream soaks into your skin right away, unlike that body lotion of yours that was obviously not made for this purpose.Â
âYouâre so overreacting over nothing,â you tell him.
âNo, Iâm not. Y/N, your hands were starting to look like coconut shavings,â he says casually, still focused on being your self-appointed hand masseuse it seems. âIs he looking?â
âWhat?â
âJungkook,â Yoongi clarifies, his eyes darting up to your face for a brief second. âIs he looking?â
You exhale through your nose. âHe was,â you say flatly, quite displeased with his shenanigans. âYoongi, I told you not to do shit like this.â
His movements gradually slow. You donât think thereâs any more product on the surface left to absorb anyway. âIâm not doing this because of Jungkook, I promise,â he says, not pulling away just yet, letting his skin linger on yours. His head is still tilted downward, his gaze seemingly glued to where his thumb is swiping over your fingers. Jungkook used to do this too - absentmindedly playing with your fingers. Itâs cute, and you hate to admit that the little things like this make you feel warm. You clench your jaw just once. Maybe itâs a guyâs thing.
For a moment, you actually think that heâs being sincere. About what, you donât know. Then Yoongi looks up at you, eyes crinkling as he grins. âBut pissing him off is definitely a huge plus.â
âYouâre insufferable,â you tell Yoongi, rolling your eyes and shoving him away with your now moisturized hands. You gotta be honest, they do look and feel a lot better. Maybe you should pick some lotion up after work. You wonât tell Yoongi this, but you tried the exact one he just used on you a while back, in a store, and it smelled so good that you thought about it for two whole weeks. But when you saw the price tag, you immediately recoiled. It was one of the brands wherein the products were more expensive than the cityâs median rent, so no wonder Yoongi would be the one to have something of theirs. Different tax brackets, you think.
Yoongi stumbles a little from your push. When he stands up, he takes one of your hands again, opening your palm and placing the tube there. âUse it every night before bed,â he instructs, like heâs a pharmacist and youâre just someone waiting to pick up their prescription.
âWhat?â You look at him, so serious and kind of offended. âYoongi, I am not using your old shit!â
He sighs, wrapping your fingers around the tube so you would hold it there. âI donât even use hand cream. I got that for you yesterday.â
Jungkook is so done. Itâs been such a long week and itâs only the first day of the fucking week. After feeling so utterly helpless around you, losing to Yoongi and then watching Yoongi have his little moment with you right in front of him, Jungkook fully intends to drive straight to Jiminâs and raid his liquor cabinet until he gets a grip and figures out what to do on the you front. Especially since you called him out like that.
Jungkook hasnât been able to focus in over an hour, after you left to go home, but heâs still cognizant enough to save the bits that he and Seokjin recorded earlier. He has witnessed how pissed Namjoon can get when they lose files due to carelessness, and no matter how level-headed his mentor usually is even in the most stressful of situations, Jungkook absolutely does not want to be on the receiving end of Namjoonâs scoldings when the man lets anger get the best of him.
Jungkook glances at the corner that you usually occupy with your nose buried in your notebook. Itâs so empty in here; everyone else has already left. He sits there, heavy with so many realizations all at once. It feels like college all over, only this time, he isnât just a stupid kid with a crush and a weird way of showing affection. Heâs hurting you again. No matter what he does, he just keeps making it worse for you and him.
You were right, and it mustâve taken a lot for you to say what you said to him. It was crazy, and foolish, and most of all cruel for Jungkook to think he could patch things up with a smile. He knew how devastated he left you. Didnât need to see the mess he made to know how much it fucked you up. Didnât need anyone to tell him â even though his friends all tried â to know how unbelievably heartless it was to abandon the person who loved him the most. But back then, he believed he was doing the right thing. Thatâs how he coped with it, by trusting that it was the best decision he could make at the time.Â
He still remembers that day like it was merely 24 hours ago.
The obliviousness in your voice when he told you he was coming over to talk and you said you had exciting news to share. The way he had cried in the car on his way over, pulled himself together just long enough to say âIâm breaking up with you,â and watched your eager smile drop. He could practically feel your heart in his open palm, crumbling to nothing as he gave it back to you. Like he was saying âI donât want it anymore.â He remembers crying again on the drive after.
Everything is different now, but if he could go back, even with the knowledge of the fallout, he would still choose to do the same.
There was no point in telling Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok, or just about anyone, why he felt like he had to do it. They wouldâve just called him stupid and told you. Heâs sure that if you knew then, you would try to reason with him, maybe you would even beg. And if you had begged him to stay, then there was no way he could follow through.
Jungkook locks up the studio and leaves. When he passes Jihyo at the reception, he hears her call his name but he pretends that he doesnât. Heâs too tired for this tonight. He just wants a drink, and he just wants to see you even though you were with him all day.Â
Skipping the parking lot for now, Jungkook walks to the nearby store, wanting to bring something over to Jiminâs or else the older man will just grumble at him for coming empty handed. When he rounds the corner, he sees you walking by yourself in the small park across the street. Your hands are shoved in your pockets while you stare up at the starless night. Jungkook thinks you should belong in a painting.
He stands there curiously. If you looked straight ahead, you would see him. But you seem preoccupied with the clouds floating through the dark blue, too lost in thought to notice much. Your hand comes up when something lands on your face. A second later, Jungkook feels something wet and cold against his cheek too. He remembers.
He pulls out his phone, fiddles with it for a minute as he contemplates, and ultimately decides to tap on your name in his contacts. Pressing the device against his ear, he listens to it ring, and watches you fish your own phone from your bag. He takes note of the furrow between your brows, the fleeting clench of your teeth. He almost thinks you wouldnât pick up, but you do.
âHello?â you answer uncertainly.Â
âHey,â Jungkook says, âwhere are you?â
âUhmâŠâ Thereâs a pause. He wonders if you would lie. âJust out getting some air. Whatâs wrong?â
âNothing. Iâm just⊠in front of you right now.â
Confusion overtakes your features. When your gaze crosses the street to land on him, you let out a small Oh, and give him a small awkward wave. He ends the call and rushes over, even though he doesnât know what to say to you. He watches you wince, because you always hated whenever he jaywalked. It makes him smile a little.
âHi,â you say as Jungkook stands in front of you.
âHi,â he returns. âMind if I join you?â
You stare up at him for a few seconds before deciding, âYeah, sure.â
âWhat are you still doing here? You left like two hours ago,â he says. You walk together further into the park, where lonely lamp posts dimly light your path.
You shrug. âI went to get dinner and just⊠I donât know. Felt like I could use some fresh air.â
âIn this weather? Itâs snowing.â
You both watch the breath that you huff out. âWell, it didnât start snowing until you got here.â
The first snow, or just snow in general, is never as romantic as they make it seem in the movies. Sure itâs pretty, and when the ground is covered in a thick blanket of snow, it makes for a good Instagram story. But in reality? Snow is so fucking dirty, and when it starts melting, it is absolute hell for everybody. Your weather app didnât say that it would snow today, but you shouldâve known better than to trust that damn thing.
Jungkook hums, and silence falls over you like the snow, making everything so damp and gross. You hope it stops soon.
When some snowflakes land directly on your cheek, you wipe the moisture away with mild annoyance. âI hate snow,â you grumble, pulling your scarf tighter. If you had known that it would snow, you wouldâve worn something with a hood and your sturdier boots.
Jungkook chuckles lightly as he watches you hiss when some snowflakes land on your head, startling your skin with its frost and slowly dampening your hair. âYou donât hate it,â he says. âYou just hate it when youâre walking in the snow. I know you.â
The universe doesnât give you time to dwell on that last comment. The ground beneath you turns slippery as you keep walking. You yelp loudly when your sneaker-clad feet skid on the thin ice sheet that the snow has created. Youâre fully prepared for your ass to hit the pavement and consequently bruise in about half an hour, but Jungkook catches you with both hands on your waist, pulling you flush against him so you donât hit the ground. Unlike you, his shoes have more traction.
Your heart hammers from the suddenness of the last thirty seconds. You can see each heavy breath that leaves your mouth and promptly dissipates into the cold air. You donât realize that your hands are gripping his shoulders to help steady yourself, as if he doesnât already have his arms wrapped securely around you, and you realize then that wow, this is the closest heâs been to you in years. Itâs unbearable just how much youâve missed being in his arms.
Just two people on an empty street, tangled up in each other, the falling snow your only audience â you look like youâve landed yourself right in a romance drama, but in reality, this is anything but that.
You clear your throat and shuffle backward, out of his strong hold, careful not to trip and make a fool of yourself any more than you already have. âThanks,â you say. âI should head home. Itâs getting late.â
Jungkook nods. âDo you want to walk back to the company? I can give you a ride home.â
You consider this. The street is steadily being swallowed up by layers of white, and you donât doubt that it will only be more difficult to navigate the road by yourself as the night gets darker and colder. Cabs are running more sparsely. It would take you forever to get home, especially in weather that makes you feel like a calf learning to walk for the first time.
âYeah,â you agree, âsure, okay.â
The walk back to the buildingâs parking lot is mostly silent, and so is the ride to your apartment. Youâve never felt the first snow on your skin before, having always preferred to stay indoors on nights forecasted to experience snowfall. Thereâs something so wistful about witnessing the inauguration of winter yourself, how these delicate flowers of ice not only herald the ending of a season and the beginning of a new one, but also signal that another chapter of your life is about to close forever. It prompts you to mull over the last 12 months, to see if youâve accomplished anything you set out to achieve or if youâve wasted an entire year of your life. To share a moment like this with Jungkook makes you wonder if the universe is trying to send you a sign.
When the car stops at a red light a few blocks away from your place, you take the time to watch the snowflakes twirling outside the window. They wander in front of you, free yet aimless, like theyâre asking if they could come in and seek refuge from the freezing cold. Not knowing warmth would be the thing that kills them. Adrift with the gentle wind until they land on the glass, only to die a mere second later. You break the silence.
âItâs kinda nice now,â you say, eyeing the marshmallow-looking ice thatâs starting to pile up all around while youâre sheltered by the warmth of his car.
âSee?â Jungkook chuckles. âTold you you only hate snow when you have to walk in it.â
âHmm.â Itâs true. You donât want to admit it, but he did know you. Knew what drove you and what made you tick. Knew how your brain worked and how your heart moved. Knew that you loved him long before you could say it out loud.
Even when you lied that he doesnât know you anymore, deep down youâre very well aware that he still does.Â
âCan I ask you this one thing, though?â you say calmly, but something must alert him that you arenât looking to talk about the weather or some other meaningless shit. Jungkook doesnât give you a verbal answer, nor any other indication that you can go ahead and voice your question. He just looks at you before the light turns green, like he doesnât really want you to ask anything but he has no other choice but to let you. Like heâs scared of what you might demand from him.
Itâs okay. You werenât asking for permission anyway.
âDid IâŠâ love you enough? Was there a single moment where you thought I didnât love you? âBack then,â you swallow, keeping your eyes on the snowy streets that turn into ivory blurs as the car starts moving again, âdid I ever make you feel like you werenât enough?â
Your ears donât pick up on much sound in the infinite pocket of seconds that follows. Not the low hum of the carâs radiator, nor the wind that becomes harsher right outside the window. Just his breathing and the beat of your own heart, drowning in the anticipation of his answer.
What if he says yes? Would it mean that after all this time that you spent blaming him, itâs been your fault all along? Were you the one that drove him away?
âNo,â he says, interrupting that voice in your head. âNot once.â
You donât doubt that heâs telling you the truth, but it doesnât make you feel better. His tone tells you thereâs more than heâs letting on, but it doesnât matter now. Before Friday night, Taehyung had asked if you would ask Jungkook the question, and after some consideration, you had said no. Maybe if it were a couple of years ago, or even a few months back when you saw him again, you would have said yes. You used to think that if he ever came back for whatever reason, the first thing you would ask him is why. You would confront him, demand an answer, make him walk you through every single thought he had before he decided to ruin your life.
But no answer could change the fact that he did leave. There is no excuse good enough to justify how he left you so completely crushed. Sure, knowing would give you some of the closure that you were desperately seeking at one point, but what if it makes everything worse? What if he left because he was looking for something, something more than you could give? What if he found it, only to realize then that it wasnât worth leaving you for after all?
Now, at least you know that your efforts were felt. You did the best you could, loved him the best way you knew how.Â
The man beside you clears his throat. You only notice now that Jungkook has already pulled up in front of your building. You havenât spoken much before tonight, not about what happened at Jiminâs party. You werenât sure how to bring it up, or if you should even bring it up. He seemed like he was trying to avoid the topic too. You had the weekend to relive every moment of that night over and over, and you obviously donât want to talk about it, but you have to address it sooner or later if you want to move forward in peace.Â
âHey, uhm, about the other nightâŠâ you start.
He stiffens a bit, and then sighs. âI know,â he says. âYou were right. Itâs not fair of me toââ
âIâm sorry,â you cut him off firmly. âSome of the things I said were harsh, and Iâm sorry.â
Jungkook looks at you in surprise. His ears must deceive him, because, âWhy are you apologizing?â
âI told you. I was harsh and it was uncalled for.â
âNo, it wasnât,â he says, frowning. He twists his body to face you. âI deserved it. You were right to call me out. Donât backtrack.â
You stare at him with your lips pursed. âWhy are you trying to argue right now?â
âBecause I deserve your rage. Be mad at me.â
âI am mad at you,â you tell him but thereâs no bite. Youâre softening, loosening your grip while heâs the only one trying to hold on. âBut I donât want to be anymore.â
âWhy not? You should. You have every right.â
âJungkook, itâs been five years,â you chuckle without much humor, thinking back to what youâve been doing in the last half a decade. Stalking your ex online, mourning your lost love every time he gets into a new relationship, holding out hope. And for what? Whatâs the point of it all? Itâs not like you and him are going to get back together again. Itâs a waste of time, time that you could spend trying to let him go and move on, whether he gives you that closure or not. âIâm tired and I just want to get on with my life. I donât want to keep being bitter about it. What good will that do?â
His face is so serious all of a sudden, like he wants you to actually scream at him. Curse him out. Anything. âThen what do you want me to do?â
âDonât feel like you have to make amends, or do anything right by me. Can we just, I donât know, let the past remain in the past? I donât want to make our friends feel like they have to act a certain way around me when it comes to you. Itâs my problem, not theirs. I donât want to make them uncomfortable anymore. So please, Iâm not asking for anything else. I just want us all to⊠move forward.â
Itâs then that he sees, oh, maybe you do belong in a painting. Sitting right in front of him but youâre so far away. He was once the artist but now, heâs merely a spectator. âDo you mean that?â he asks quietly.
âYes, Jungkook. Iâm really tired,â you say. âWhy would you of all people want to be reminded of what happened?â
He swallows thickly. You can tell that he isnât too fond of the idea, even if what youâre proposing gives him a way out. It lets him off the hook. But for some reason, heâs hesitant to take it, might be resisting it even. You canât bring yourself to understand why, but eventually, he says, âOkay. If thatâs what you really want.â
He doesnât put up much of a fight, though it doesnât exactly sound like an affirmation, but who even cares?
âRight, then,â you mumble, unbuckling your seatbelt and gripping the strap of your bag. âGood night. See you tomorrow.â
He says it back, and lets you go with a strained smile.
Yoongiâs fingers tap on his knees to the beat of the music playing in the background. You were surprised when he called you on a Saturday, asking if you were free, telling you that he had something to say. You didnât have any plans and Yoongi said he was treating you, and well, you donât need to be convinced further.
Here you are, in a fancy restaurant, sharing a tiramisu with Min Yoongi. How nice. You thought heâd have better plans than just hanging out with little old you.
âWill you please just tell me now?â you say, looking at him with playful puppy dog eyes. You take another bite of the dessert, and practically have to stifle a moan when the sweetness melts in your mouth. You honestly think you have romantic feelings for this tiramisu. âIâve been waiting for like two hours.âÂ
Yoongi swirls the wine in his glass before he brings it to his lips and takes a sip, all the while looking at you, so happy with the treat that youâre supposed to share but he doesnât even touch. When he sets his glass down, he calls your name, making you glance up.Â
âDo you still⊠yâknow⊠Jungkook?â
You stare at him back, confused. âDo I still I know Jungkook?â
Yoongi rolls his eyes. âDonât make me spell it out. Youâll just beat me if I say it.â
âOh, so itâs something annoying then? Then please, keep it to yourself.â
âOkay, then,â he says, smiling so obnoxiously because he knows youâre too curious.
Give it a minute.
âOh my god, fine,â you give up, drawing out the sentence exasperatedly. âDo I still what Jungkook?â
Yoongi regards your face teasingly. âDo you still have feelings for him?â
Your entire body goes rigid. You donât even try to hide the way your face falls upon hearing his question. Whatâs the point? Heâll just see right through you anyway.
âYou took me out to dinner just to ask me that?â
He nods. âYeah, among other things.â
âI meanâŠâ You set down your spoon. No one has ever asked you that before, and itâs not a question that you yourself have considered. Jungkook still affects you, that much is clear. Thinking about your relationship still affects you. Does that mean that you have lingering feelings for him? Youâve yet to solve this, and truth be told, you arenât sure if you would like the conclusion it leads you to. You give Yoongi a vague answer, because even you yourself donât know what the truth is. But it doesnât matter, now that youâve made the active decision to let it all go. âIâm trying to move on.â
âHmm.â He doesnât seem very satisfied with your choice of words. âDo you still hate him then?â
This, you donât really need to ruminate much on. âI think part of me will always hate him for what he did.â And part of you will always love him in spite of what he did.
Yoongi leans forward with both of his arms on the table, contemplating how he should word this. You deserve flowery words and romantic grand gestures, but alas Yoongi is blunt, and sometimes rough around the edges. He has great timing too. Just as you raise a glass of water to your mouth to soothe your dry throat, he says, âLet me be your revenge dick.â
It makes you choke, sending water down every wrong pipe as you cough harshly. It dribbles down your chin and a few drops plop! onto your light wash jeans. Youâre glad it wasnât wine. You wouldâve killed him if he made you stain your newly bought trousers. While you try to hold onto dear life, he has the audacity to fucking laugh. When you kick his shin under the table, he hands you a few napkins. It takes you another minute to calm down.
âWhat the actual fuck?â you hiss. The little âincidentâ earns you a few weird looks from people sitting nearby. Itâs so embarrassing, but Yoongi is acting like itâs the funniest shit heâs ever seen.
âLet me be your revenge dââ
âI heard you the first time, Jesus Christ. Please donât say the word âdickâ to me ever again. In fact, please stop talking altogether. Please donât open your mouth ever again.â
He does not abide by your request, opening his stupid mouth again and thus cementing his place as your least favorite person in the entire world right this minute. You lost half your brain cells listening to that one singular sentence. Jesus fucking God. Who in their right mind would utter something like that? And to you, no less? Fuck. Men.
One of these days, you swear you will pop an aneurysm. Itâs so ridiculous that itâs not even funny. But Yoongi just keeps talking like youâre asking him to elaborate.
âWhat Iâm saying is⊠use me.â
âFor what?â Youâre genuinely so perplexed as to what the point of this conversation is, or where itâs even going. This man has a way of surprising you more and more each day.
âFor revenge dicking purposes.â
You do your best to suppress a shudder. Where did that term even come from? âOh my god, why do you keep saying that? Weâre in public! What if someone hears you?!âÂ
The man sitting across from you grins, showcasing his pearly whites, clearly very amused by your reactions. âYou gotta show Jungkook what heâs missing. Make him regret it.â
âMin Yoongi,â you say slowly. âAre you fucking kidding me right now?â
âNo. In fact, I donât think Iâve ever been this serious,â Yoongi answers. âLet me be your arm candy. Iâm very good at that.â Youâre very curious about who raised him and how he turned out to be this way. You canât believe you have to tolerate him sometimes.
You give it another minute before you say, âIâll have you know that Jungkook and I had a very productive talk. Weâre in a much better place now, so your⊠whatever services wonât be necessary.â
He leans back, eases up, and stares at you thoughtfully. Like he doesnât really believe you. Like the cogs of his mind are once again turning. âOkay, thatâs even better. I donât have to be the rebound. I can just be your main piece.â
Looking at him pleadingly, you bemoan, âYoongi, why are you doing this to me?â
âIsnât it obvious?â
âIt absolutely is not obvious!â
âSeriously?â
You cross your arms, raising an annoyed eyebrow at the man. âListen, I donât know what kind of people youâre hanging out with, but my friends donât go around offering toââ
âBecause I like you.â
You could practically facepalm. As he stares at you, not even blinking anymore, you reach for the salt shaker on the table to pour some onto your hand. When he opens his mouth to ask what youâre doing, you flick the miniscule white crystals in his direction.Â
âWhaââ
âYoongi, I canât believe you wasted a whole evening for that lame ass joke.â
âDid you really justâŠâ He throws his head back, laughing in both disbelief and amusement. âWow. You tell a girl you like her and she throws salt at you. Thatâs definitely a first for me.â
âItâs not funny. Stop saying that.â
âStop saying what?â
âStop saying you like me!â
âBut I do like you,â he says, voice softer now. âIâve always liked you.â
You mentally groan, sucking your teeth before you reach for the salt again. He grabs your wrist before you could hold it up.Â
âQuit it and listen to me. Iâm serious.â
When you look at Yoongi, heâs wearing an expression you donât think youâve often seen, or ever seen before. Thereâs no trace of that familiar teasing smile thatâs almost always on his lips, nor the mischievous glint in his eyes that he usually sports. This side of Yoongi is new to you. This side of Yoongi makes you hold your breath for some reason.
For a second there, you believe what heâs saying.
âCome on. Youâre taking this too far.â
âWhy do you keep thinking this is a joke? You know I would never do that, Y/N.â
You pull your hand back to pinch the bridge of your nose. âBecause you keep using me to mess with Jungkook even though Iâve asked you multiple times toââ
âCan you not mention his name?â Yoongi straightens in his chair. This is the closest heâs ever come to being annoyed with you. âIâm trying to tell you how I feel and youâre thinking about Jungkook.â
You liked it better when he was cocky about it.
âYou canât possibly be serious right now.â
Yoongi purses his lips, his eyes telling you that heâs irritated with you too, only heâs much better at containing his frustration. You both stare at each other for god knows how long because neither one of you understands what the other is trying to say.
When Yoongi speaks next, his voice is so calm, so low that it makes your spine run cold.
âYou were always so oblivious.â
âOh my god, pick up, pick up, pick up,â you mutter to yourself like a deranged person on the sidewalk, telepathically urging Taehyung to answer the phone before youâve even called him. His phone filters through your speaker after the third ring. Kim Taehyung, always so quick to answer your calls.
âWhatâs uââ
âOh my god, Kim Taehyung, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, you will not believe what just happened,â you rush out in one breath. âWhere are you? Are you at home? Iâll come to you. Oh my god!â
âJesus, did you mix coffee with Red Bull again? Slow down,â Taehyung says. âIâm at Jiminâs now.â
âOh? Okay.â This is even better. Jiminâs apartment is much closer to the restaurant than Taehyungâs place is. âIs it boysâ night? Nevermind. Doesnât matter. Iâll come over right now. Be there in 15!â
âWhat? Wait, Y/N, no, Juâ!â
You hang up before he can say anything else. You bounce on your heels as you flag down a cab, so awfully restless and you just want to tell someone. On the ride over, the driver keeps glancing at you through the rearview mirror every few seconds; your nervous energy must have infected him because you look like you just found out that someone is freaking dying. When you arrive at your destination, you take a deep breath before you hurry up the stairs. Jiminâs building is old and has no elevator, which normally sucks because he lives on the fifth floor and you absolutely despise stairs. But right now, you have so much adrenaline coursing through your veins that five flights feel like a piece of cake.
You have no doubt that the men inside know itâs you from the way you ring his doorbell repeatedly. Jimin opens the door with an exasperated look, to which you pay no mind and just press a quick kiss against his cheek in greeting before you barge into his home in search of Taehyung.
âKim Taehyung! Where are you? This is an emergency, I need yâ!â
When you do find him, however, he isnât alone. Sitting next to Taehyung on the couch and holding a bottle of beer to his lips, is none other than Jungkook. You all look at each other awkwardly as the words die on your tongue, killing some of the nerves while you bite your lip to keep your mouth shut. Jimin waddles into the living room after he shuts down the door and plops down next to Jungkook. Now there are three pairs of eyes on you.
âOh, uhm, hi,â you say to Jungkook. âI didnât know you were here.â
âHi,â he says, and offers you a beer on the table. âWant one?â
What you said to Yoongi at dinner wasnât exactly untrue. You and Jungkook are kind of in a better place now. In the last few days, since you had your little chat in his car, heâs let up on the crap that he was pulling before. Something still feels off to you though. Feels like his head isnât really in it, that heâs still doing this for the sake of trying to ease his guilt by going along with what he thinks makes you happy. Whatever. Itâs at least a little progress, you suppose.
âNo, thatâs fine.â You wave Jungkook off before inching closer to Taehyung and pulling him up by the arm. âUhm, I just needed to talk to Tae and Iâll be on my way!â
You drag your friend into the guest bedroom that Jimin has recently turned into an office, all the while ignoring his shout of âThis better be good! Donât forget to tell me later!â as you shut the door.
You glare at Taehyung. âOkay, why didnât you tell me that Jungkook was here?â
âI tried to!â He raises his hands in surrender. âYou hung up on me. I texted you about it.â
You rummage through your bag for the phone that you so hastily shoved in there before getting into the taxi. The notification on your screen glares back at you.
[21:42] Taebear đ»: jungkook is here btw. dunno if youâre cool with that
âRightâŠâ you mutter. âMy bad.â
âWell?â Taehyung prompts, then his face turns worried as he gives you a once-over. âWhat happened? Whatâs wrong?â
You inhale deeply, holding onto his wrists and staring him dead in the eye. Even with the door closed and with Jungkook and Jimin all the way in the living room, you keep your voice low. âI think I just got propositioned.â
Your friend blinks slowly, or rather, he closes his eyes for five whole seconds before he opens them. Taehyung visibly relaxes when he comprehends that you are, in fact, okay and healthy, and that youâre just being overly dramatic.
He pushes your hands away. âFuck off. I thought something bad happened.â
âSomething bad did happen!â
âYou are literally the worst person.â
âIâm serious!â
He groans and looks at you like a disappointed parent. âFine,â he relents, âwhat happened?â
âI think Yoongi sort of pimped himself out to me today.â
Taehyung opens his mouth, closes it, and does it again a few times. âYou canât just say that and not elaborate.â
âHe said he likes me.â
There comes that slow-ass, neverending blink again. Taehyung looks like the meme, like heâs seeing the world in nothing but equations.
âI fail to see how that would be considered pimping oneself out.â
âWell, you have to hear what he said afterââ
A mop of fluffy blond hair materializes out of thin air, startling you both. You didnât even hear him come in. That sneaky little thing. âWhat are we talking about?â Jimin asks, lowering his volume to match yours. âWhy are we whispering?â
âWhy are you here?â You look behind him at the door that he left ajar. âWhereâs Jungkook?â
âHeâs in the living room.â
âBy himself?â
âWell, thereâs no one else here, so duh.â
You exhale exasperatedly. âNow itâs gonna look like weâre talking about him.â
âArenât we?â
âWeâre talking about Yoongi,â Taehyung says, casting his eyes to the ground briefly.
âYoongi?â Jimin asks, glancing between you and Taehyung with a slight frown. âYour Yoongi?â
You raise an eyebrow in question. âWhat do you mean my Yoongi? Thereâs only one Yoongi. Heâs the Yoongi.â
âOkay. So whatâs up with the Yoongi?â
Taehyung turns to his wonder twin with an unamused look. âSheâs doing that annoying thing where she gives you a single detail of the story and you have to ask her to keep going every time.â
Blondie makes a face. âOof, yeah, thatâs annoying. Donât do that.â
You gape at the two of them. âIâm giving you tea and youâre complaining about my storytelling skills?â
You shouldâve expected it, shouldâve known what was coming the second that question left your mouth. The guys donât even need to look at each other to be in sync when they echo, âYes.â
âBut seriously,â Jimin says, âwhat about Yoongi?â
âWe went to dinner tonight and he⊠said he likes meâŠâ you tell him, and physically recoil at the memory. Oh⊠the horror. âAnd he said, oh my god I canât even repeat it without wanting to jump off a bridge, he said to let him be my revenge dick.â
Jimin gasps. Taehyung chokes on his own spit. They both sputter out, âWhat the fuck?â
âRight?!â you cry, still so fucking mortified by the experience. âI almost died just sitting there. I canât believe he made me listen to that with my own two ears.â
Taehyung is the first one to turn serious. âWhat happened after that though?â You donât know what you would do sometimes if there wasnât a Kim Taehyung to ground you.
âWell, I came here.â
âSoâŠâ he drags out the single word, âyou ran away from him?â
Jimin looks at you expectantly too, wearing the same question in his eyes. You frown at them. âWhat? No. I threw salt on him and told him to stop fucking around and then I lefâ Oh my god, I did run away.â
Shit.
Shit.
âHold up, what the fuck,â Jimin cackles, like this is all just so funny. âYou threw salt on him?â
You let out a nervous laugh, and point finger guns at your friends idiotically. âBut itâs fine. Because obviously he didnât mean it.â
âWhy would you think he didnât mean it?â Taehyung asks.
âHeâs an annoying little shit sometimes! And,â you keep your volume under control again, âhe hates Jungkook. Heâs only doing it to piss him off.â
Taehyung purses his lips, regards you with a look you donât like because youâre trying to sort through this logically, convince yourself that it isnât real and that Yoongi is just missing April Foolâs day by four whole months. Why is your friend making this more difficult?
âIs it so hard to believe that someone can like you?â
âYes,â you say seriously, âwhen that person is Yoongi.â
âWhy?â
âBecause heâs Yoongi!â You throw your hands up. âHeâs not like us.â
âI hate to break it to you, but celebrities arenât above having crushes.â
You look at Jimin for help, but he just shrugs, choosing silence as the neutral option or maybe staying silent is just his way of agreeing with Taehyung. This isnât the reaction you expected when you rushed here to give him the goss. Taehyung doesnât blindly support your every decision or try to rationalize your every move just because heâs your friend. He tells you to your face when youâre being absurd, so you really donât get why heâs the one being unreasonable right now.
âOh my god, please,â you say. âYoongi absolutely does not have a crush on me.â
Jimin chimes in. âWell, he did literally just admit that to you.â
You send him a glare that says, Oh, so now youâre talking?
You turn to Taehyung again. You canât believe this is happening. Are you two really arguing? About whether or not Yoongi actually likes you? While Jungkook is sitting by himself in another room? You bet nobody has this on their bingo card.
âI told you. Heâs just trying to fuck with Jungkook.â
âWhy do you keep saying that? Why do you think heâs trying to fuck with Jungkook?â Taehyung challenges.
âBecause heâs my friend!â you groan. Itâs the most obvious thing in the world, but no one seems to believe that Yoongi is just your friend. âYouâre my friend too. But youâre being so fucking annoying now.â
He narrows his eyes at you, as if to prove a point. âYoongi is that good of a friend that he would go out of his way to mess with someone he hadnât even met until a couple weeks ago?â
âIâ wellâ maybe!â you stammer, blinking up at him. The height difference is clearly not doing you any good. âHeâs a very petty person. And when he isnât being a little shit, he can be a very good friend.â
Taehyung scoffs, seriously getting on your nerves. It isnât even any of his business. You just wanted to tell him for the sake of sharing with your best friend, not ask for his opinion on any of it. He doesnât even know Yoongi, never even met him.
âI know what people are like when theyâre in love with you,â Taehyung mutters, eyeing the ground. Jimin makes a noise and nudges his friend in the rib, shaking his head while he does so.
 You, petty little you, want to fire back. âOh, so Yoongi is in love with me now?â
Taehyung opens his mouth, prepared to continue his assault on your sanity when Jimin has to step in, waving his hands in front of you both. âAlright, thatâs enough,â he says. âWhy donât we just call it a night and letâs reconvene when everybody is thinking straight, yeah?â
Taehyung doesnât even look at you. You try to release your frustrations through a loud exhale, but it doesnât do much. When all of you venture out into the living room to leave, you remember that Jungkook is still here. He looks at yours and Taehyungâs disgruntled expressions, then at Jiminâs face as he not-so-subtly shakes his head, silently telling him to not ask any questions. Poor guy, this was boysâ night after all. You couldnât have spent more than 30 minutes in Jiminâs office. He was just quietly drinking his beer and watching TV out here, unaware of everything going on in the room just down the hall. Now everybody seems pissed and the night is spoiled.
You bid Jungkook and Jimin a curt goodnight before you head for the door, saying nothing to Taehyung because he clearly doesnât deserve any pleasantries after tonight. You end up going home with more questions than answers.
You hate this. You hate it so much.
Now that youâre finally starting to actually coexist with Jungkook â of all people! â the other men in your life have to come for your head?
You havenât spoken to Taehyung since that night, which was only three days ago, but still. Itâs the longest youâve gone without talking to your best friend. You donât know what was up his ass, and Jimin has just been telling you to not overthink it, that Taehyung will reach out when heâs calmed down. It makes zero sense to you, because how does your situation affect him in any way? What does he even have to calm down from?
With Yoongi, on the other hand⊠Well, youâre still convinced that he was just being good old insufferable Yoongi. This is how he has always been â teasing, easy going, and has a good rapport with you. That night was just a fluke. Maybe he had too much to drink and didnât know when to stop the joke from getting too carried away.
You are not fighting with Yoongi. You are not fighting with Yoongi. You remind yourself of this, so that when you see him in the studio next, everything is okay.
Yoongi arrives some time after lunch and brings everybody coffee. You expect him to be lighthearted as always, which he is, and you expect him to sit next to you as always, which he does. He laughs with Seokjin, chats with Namjoon about the art scene, pokes âfriendlyâ fun at Jungkook every now and then. You two work side by side, bouncing ideas off each other like you normally do. He doesnât mention the dinner, which makes you feel a whole lot better about that night because see? Everything is fine. If everything is fine with Yoongi then everything is fine with Taehyung too.
Some time around 5pm, Yoongi asks if you should all go out for drinks tonight. He gets shot down by the guys though. Apparently no one is up for after-work drinks on a Tuesday night.
âYouâre no fun,â Yoongi grumbles before turning to you with hopeful eyes. âY/N?â he whines, âIndulge me like you usually do, please?â
âNo, thanks,â you decline. You glance up in time to see Jungkook quietly chuckling to himself. âToday is my self-care day.â
âTuesday is your self-care day?â
âBecause tomorrow is Wednesday. I have a pre-Wednesday routine.â
âDid I ever tell you that youâre very weird about Wednesdays?â Seokjin asks.
You hum in thought for a moment before answering him. âYou did. And then you told me a really bad dad joke.â
He makes an exasperated Ahh noise as he recalls the very moment, then blasts his booming windshield wiper laugh when he remembers the joke he made. âHey, that joke was killer!â
âIt absolutely was not! The only decent one that Iâve heard from you isââ
âNo, no, hey,â Yoongi cuts in, âdonât entertain him and his stupid jokes. Come onnn, you know I hate drinking alone. Go for a drink with me, princess. You used to be my drinking buddy all the time.â
âUh huh,â you scoff. âAnd look where drinking with you got me.â
âI allow fraternizing in the workplace as long as Iâm still the priority, guys,â Seokjin chirps in.Â
âThatâs not what I meant,â you say quickly. âNo one is fraternizing with anybody!â
Yoongi hums quietly. He drops his volume, just for your ears. âNo? Is that your answer then?â
âWhat?â you whisper. You donât know why youâre whispering. You just do it because Yoongi is doing it.
âYou kinda ran out on me the other night.â
âI didnâtââ
He gives you a look.
âOkay, maybe I did⊠but only because you were being ridiculous!â
Yoongi licks his lips and tips his head toward the door. Heâs the first one to stand up and head out of the room, followed by you half a minute later. You appreciate him wanting some privacy for you two to talk, but you donât like that this is a conversation that needs privacy. You were all just joking around in there. If this is still a joke, why is he leading you out here?
Walking out the door, you hear Seokjin call after you, âFraternizing!â
âThat is not whatâs happening!â
You find Yoongi in the empty breakroom, leaning against a counter.
âYou can drop it now, Yoongi,â you say.
âWhat?â he tilts his head, looking at you curiously. âYou still think Iâm messing around?â
âObviously.â
âWhy is that?â he asks. âWhat makes that so hard to believe?â
Itâs what Taehyung asked you the other night too.
Because youâre you! is what you almost say. Itâs the same answer you gave Taehyung, because, well, do you even need another explanation? You donât tell him that though, thinking it might offend him somehow. Instead, you throw him a question.
âOkay. Sure. Letâs say that you are serious. What happened? When did you even start liking me? Why are you telling me now?â
Yoongi exhales gently, straightening up to walk closer to where you are. He stops when heâs right in front of you, looking right into your eyes and using the same voice he did that night. âI always liked you. I liked you last year when we first worked together and I like you now. The only difference is then, you werenât trying to move on,â he says, so unwavering that it makes you stagger.
That⊠is not what you were expecting. You blink up as he smiles down at you fondly. You feel lightheaded. Maybe even scared, because what if he means it? He sounds too sincere for it to just be all fun and games. You remember the way he held your hand when he made you put on that stupid fancy lotion.
His voice keeps lowering, and you hate that it makes you nervous. Your stomach twists, your heart pounds against your ribs.
âIf youâre moving on now, canât you do it with me?â
Looking back now, were there signs that you should have noticed?
You stand there, processing, not knowing what you should say to him, not really even breathing anymore. Yoongi must interpret your silence as realization, recognition, because he chuckles, again amused by your reaction.
âYoongiâŠâ
He stops you, though you werenât going to say anything else. You feel like you could cry. Maybe he sees it in your eyes. Yoongi pats your arm gently, still smiling. âIâll let you sleep on it, princess.â
When he leaves the room, you keep standing there by yourself. So Taehyung was right? Your friend who has never had a single interaction with Yoongi, who has only heard about him from the stories you shared, could tell that there was something there? That Yoongi had feelings for you all along?
At the dinner, Yoongi said you were always oblivious.
Is it possible that you really had no idea, or did you just force yourself to look the other way?
That night, was he hurt? After you repeatedly dismissed him and eventually walked out?
Oh, YoongiâŠ
When someone enters the room after youâve been standing here for what feels like forever, navigating the sea of your own thoughts, you startle to life.
âYou okay?â Jungkook asks, eyeing you as he goes to fix himself a cup of coffee.
âYep, mhmm,â you respond. You try to shove away all of your unraveling emotions. They could wait until later.
You have no idea why youâre still standing here, watching Jungkook make coffee with his back to you, but thatâs arguably a better idea right now than to go back to the studio where Yoongi is.Â
âYou know,â Jungkook starts, pressing the buttons on the fancy coffee machine that you donât know how to use. âI donât think itâs very professional. Yâknow, Yoongi flirting with you all the time.â
You stare at his broad shoulders with your brows furrowed, already on edge even though you donât know what heâs referring to.
âWhat?â
âI donât think itâs professional,â he repeats. âYoongi flirting with you all the time.â
âWhen has Yoongi ever flirted with me?â you ask. Itâs meant to sound sarcastic and defensive, hoping heâll take the hint to back off but really, now that youâve said it, itâs a question that you yourself would genuinely like the answer to.
âAdmit it,â Jungkook says, turning around to face you. âItâs not like he tries to be very subtle about it. All the nicknames, always complimenting you, even when he put his hands all over you the other day right in front of us! Thereâs no way that youâve missed the way he looks at you sometimes.â
You blink a few times, not sure if you heard him right. You hope your brief silence gives him a chance to backtrack when he sees how offended you are, but he just stares at you. Jungkook really does have the worst timing, and it doesnât take long for your anger to overflow. Moving forward together in peace lasted a whole week, huh?
âEven if Yoongi is flirting with me, how is it any of your business?â
âIt kinda is my business, though, isnât it? Considering he does it at my place of work.â
Oh, heâs gotta be kidding.Â
âOkay, itâs your place of work,â you hiss. The steam rising from his fresh mug of coffee might as well resemble the cartoon-like smoke churning from the top of your head. Jungkook seems taken aback by your reaction, but honestly, what the hell did he even expect when he said something like that to you? âSo you fucking the receptionist must be so professional, right?â
Paling about a hundred shades, he looks like you just poured a bucket of ice cold water over his head. The gulping throat, the parting lips, the guilty eyes and his whole demeanor exuding shock and embarrassment, because Jungkook didnât know that you knew, let alone foresee that you would throw it in his face. He stands there, dumbfoundedly muttering, âHowâ Who told you about that?â
You ignore his question. Why does it even matter who told you? If you were less angry, you would be more curious as to how he thought this was going to go. Why would he say something like that out of nowhere?Â
He said he deserved your rage? He wanted you to be mad? Fine. Be careful what you wish for.
You feel sick to your stomach and he would come to you and say shit like that. Like Jungkook can dictate anything about your life. Like he has the right to fuck things up and leave when heâs had his fun.
Your sinuses burn when you speak next. âYou donât see me running to you, whining about how Jihyo always looks at me like she wants to gouge my fucking eyes out. How sheâs always so nice and bubbly to everyone but then when itâs me, she acts like I ran over her fucking dog.â
Yeah, he definitely wasnât expecting this reaction.
âY/N, Iâm sorry, I didnâtââ
âNo, just save it. You talk a big game about trying to do right by me and then you go and say shit like this. How many times do I have to tell you? Iâm so fucking tired.â
People often say that you should never make decisions when youâre angry. No one wants to end up regretting something they said or did in the heat of the moment. Youâve always thought that this is good advice, and you always try to live by it because you know your temper can get the best of you sometimes.
The keyword here, though, is try.
You run a hand through your hair, feeling infuriated at this point because Jungkook keeps fucking explaining himself, even though heâs the one who started this whole thing. You canât even properly hear what heâs saying, all of his words going into one ear and out the other. Something about it not meaning anything and ending it with her months ago.Â
You take a deep breath and look into his panicked eyes.
âYouâre such a fucking hypocrite.â
You think heâs apologizing again, from the way his lips form the words Iâm sorry, but your pulse is ringing so loud in your ears that you donât really catch the sounds. The anger inside of you still simmers despite having spilled over. Your face is so eerily calm that you hope it scares him. When you turn on your heels to leave, you know heâs following you back to the studio. You sit back down beside Yoongi but you donât meet his eyes. You keep your gaze trained on the open notebook, nursing that anger.
You shouldâve known that thereâs no moving forward with Jungkook. If anything, he just wants to tie you to the past and never let you leave. Is he that immature, that selfish that even after all this time, after what he did, he canât stand the idea of you and someone else?
You briefly make eye contact with Jungkook from across the room before you turn to Yoongi, your voice loud enough for everyone to hear.
âOn second thought, that drink does sound nice,â you tell him with a smile. âPick me up at 9?â
â all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted december 31, 2022]
#jungkook x reader#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook smut#jungkook x you#jungkook fanfic#jungkook imagines#bts x reader#bts x you#bts fluff#bts angst#bts smut#bts scenarios#bts imagines#bangtanbathhouse#btscarnivalnet#btshoneyhive#clubzerooclock#52hertz#fic: our beloved summer
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More music!!!! :)
Feels by Kiiara. Saimota!!!! Bonus: saimota after chapter five đ€
The world spins madly on by The Weepies. Saimota. Again- pretty much after chapter five.
Glad you came by the wanted. I see this as saimota but honestly it can be seen as any kaito ship!
Show me love by t.A.T.u. Oumota, 100%
Here for a reason by ashes remain. Saimota. You canât tell me otherwise. I just imagine these two reassuring eachother.
You are my sunshine by Jasmine Thompson. (I literally canât remember if Iâve put this here before if I did Iâm SORRY) Saimota. I have a hc that Kaito calls Shuichi Moonlight and Shuichi calls him sunshine
Yay yay yay đđđđ Once again idk any of these (except for the you are my sunshine and glad you came) so I'm just lowkey waiting for the day you or someone else sends a song by a band/singer I listen to so my wig can fly from the shock đ
Yes yes already off to a damn good start, the first song did indeed give me saimota vibes đđđđ But lorddd the saimota after part 5 bit rlly hit hard when it said "now im searching for who? you, yeah im coming right back" cause, you guessed it, its Shuichi after Kaito d i e s đ„Č
Listen it's 3 am and i dID NOT ASK TO BE ATTACKED IN THE FEELS LIKE THIS, WHYYYYY đđđđđ THE WORLD SONG IS LITERALLY SHUICHI BEING DEPRESSED AS ALL HELL AFTER KAITO DIES AND I'M BEYOND HURT, THE SAIMOTA PART OF MY HEART IS CRYING đ
Omfg glad you came- I seriously forgot this song existed till i re-read the title and it suddenly played in my head đ But yayyy I'm just happy to know another one đ And ofc big agree, it's got big saimota vibes yes đ "Can be seen as any kaito ship" Oh you already know which other ship I relate it to đđđ Oumota my beloved i am looking directly at you
Woah the show me love lowkey scared me at the end when it said the mama & papa thing đ Still though this one gave me twisted oumota vibes, especially the bits that said show me love till you open the door/scream for more/till its inside my pores đ It made me think of pre-game oumota tbh!
Holy shit, i think here for a reason is my fave one in this list :,)) Besides the fact that it hit fucking hard as hell (and ik its unrelated but when it refered to "He" it automatically made me think of my personal beliefs which made it hit way harder asdfgjkl) you are 100% correct, it made me think of saimota just being there for each other even on the absolute worst days and supporting each other đâđœ
You haven't put the sunshine song before actually!! But uGH that song always makes me feel so soft, it's such a good song đ© Listening to it just now made me think of Kaito having to be away from Shuichi, esp cause of the first part, and Shuichi's a sad bean waiting for him to come home :,))) aND THAT HC OF YOURS IS THE CUTEST THING đđđđđ
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when to shutcho bitchass up.
so i had this long ass reply as i was about to reblog a haikyuu writerâs response to a hate ask but i had to eat lunch, and my wifiâs acting up so it all got deleted. but anyway, after lurking in the shadows for god knows how long, i decided to speak up about this on-going issue of hate being poorly masked as âconstructive criticismâ.Â
it doesnât just happen on haikyuu blogs, like, every fandom has it. and it saddens me because iâve seen the greatest blogs out here just vanish into thin air (or has gone on hiatus and never returned/archived the blog/deactivated) for getting hate that they absolutely do not deserve. nobody does. nobody needs that hate; not now not ever. most often than not, there are people who hide behind the anon feature in asks. but i guess some people lately have now learned how to own up to their own mistakes; and yes, everyoneâs opinion is valid, is welcome to be entertained; however the way you word these things out also matters. itâs just like when someone writes something, you know? why do you get to complain, âyour writing suckxzâ when you canât even write down why you think so? lol gtfo. people can interpret your words in however way they want, and thatâs the one thing you cannot control. so at least, when you attempt to apologize for something you âdidnât mean toâ or âwas just a jokeâ, at least make it sound like you mean it. if you want your opinion to be taken seriously, learn how to say it with manners.
anyway, this post will be terribly long, probably longer than the shit iâve ever written anywhere lmao. some of the things iâll say here might come off as redundant but because the same thing happens over and over again, what else would you expect?
Exhibit A:Â âconstructive criticismâ does not mean, or shall never be equated to âhateâ
if you go around tumblr, there are tons of posts which educate people how to properly write a critique, how to decently and reasonably critic someoneâs work, whether it be in the form of writing, or digital art, etc. even if you type âconstructive criticismâ on that google search bar, tons of websites are going to tell you how to do it, so it really is unacceptable to use âitâs constructive criticismâ as an excuse when all youâve said is âyour writing sucksâ. literally, how can âconstructive criticismâ go from âyouâre not even a good writer, why the hype?â to âyouâre too positive, too fake, if youâre sad, show that youâre sad.â that ainât it chief. constructive criticism is given to the works of a content creator, not directed at the content creator itself.
ever heard of the sandwich method? yeah, yummy and easy, right? basically it means, you start it off with the positive things about the content creator, then the negative ones in the middle, then reinforce them at the end. okay, iâll repeat that here, let me break it down if that isnât enough for cute little noggins to understand:
tell the content creator what made you hooked on their works in the first place. what made you indulge in all that deliciously free content, that has brought you to tears, to laughs, to orgasm. you donât necessarily have to praise them, but acknowledge that youâre aware of what theyâre doing and how it is, or how their progress is so far.
now here comes the critique part. this where the âhoweverâ and the âbutâ words come in, to transition from (for example) âyour way with words is breathtakingâ to âsometimes i feel theyâre too much to digest all at onceâ. get it? pinpoint to the content creator just exactly what aspects in their current state do you wish they could improve on, or areas do you think they are lacking or weak, so to speak. be concise, be comprehensive, be nice.
lastly, my favorite part, is you give them tips or advice or just a fucking hint how you think they can achieve the things you said from #2. even if you know or assume that theyâd understand your point, or âitâs their job to find it out by themselvesâ... well, a little input or jumpstart wouldnât hurt, would it? so from the example, âyour way with words is breathtakingâ to â(however) sometimes i feel theyâre too much to digest all at onceâ you end it with a, âi think or why donât you try doing so, and this, and that,â
lemme go back to the âitâs their job to find it out by themselvesâ aha, news flash honey: this isnât their job. itâs their way of enjoyment, their leisure, their free time that they use up just to bring out free content for lots of people like you to indulge in. most people come here, or on ao3, or basically anywhere where you can post your work, just for fun. you cannot be demanding, thatâs why they have their rules and all, but i digress. content creators feed on feedback, and feedback alone. i hope you have an idea how something as simple as âasdflkjshdlsâ in the tags can bring a phat smile to a content creatorâs face, what more, if itâs something coherent. just fucking keyboard smash is a boost to their confidence (trust me, itâs very fun knowing that how âasdfgjklâ i was when writing something, is the same as the âasdfgjklâ the readers had when reading)
this sandwich method thing doesnât only apply to this certain situation. in fact, this is an effective means of communicating your point across to people in school, at work, and even in the comforts of your home. right?Â
didnât you feel bad when your teacher returned your paper to you and just said, âi gave you that grade just becauseâ and nothing more? or when that classmate of yours said, âno, i donât like this idea. think up of something elseâ for a project? didnât you ever question them, âwhy, and on what basis?âÂ
how about, when your boss returned your report, only saying, ârevise thisâ but what is âthisâ? sure, there are bosses who do this to try to teach their employees to find things out and find solutions on their own, but you cannot deny that some are just being disgustingly rude about it.Â
how about at home you say? well... remember that time when your parents compared you to their friendsâ children, or even compared you among your own siblings? or that time you were lashed out on? actually, you know, what, iâm sorry for bringing this up, as light as this was worded out, some people might get triggered simply from those two phrases i put out. however, i will address this issue next.
Exhibit B: you donât know the people you are talking to, therefore you do not know what they are going through
you canât say, âoh, youâre all just so sensitiveâ or âitâs just an opinionâ when clearly, this (tw: depression, suicide, family issues, gender and sexuality, body positivity, etc) topics is/are sensitive to most content creators, to most people. some brush it off fine, and take a while to reach their boiling point, but not everyoneâs like that. you canât tell people how they should react to your random spewing of hate. each person has their own level of tolerance, so donât go off and assume that everybody online is the same and grew from the same fucking tree.Â
some or most people use writing/drawing/etc. as a means to cope with what shit life has thrown at them; and then you, being so stupidly ignorant, just waltz in and drop that bomb on what possibly, could be the only ray of sunlight they have in their life, especially now in this bleak year.Â
receiving anon-hate or hate-asks should not be the norm. it is not and never will be okay. i thought you were here to critic their work, why even joke about something that could have been personal to someone? why even joke about these kinds of things in the first place? why even bring up something that might have been a personal issue when all you had to do was critic their work?Â
my god, stop acting like a boomer already. tbh the audacity of some people here, idk. if youâre not going through anything at all, then may god/brahma/allah/whichever supreme being you believe in or whatever good karma it is, bless you.Â
itâs not that one should sympathize, or, it isnât also expected of people to full on empathize, but a little respect goes a long way. why donât we try to put ourselves in the shoes of the person weâre about to send that hate-ask to. if not us, how about that close friend whoâs easy to bring to tears, or mom, or cousin? wouldnât it be aggravating? wouldnât it be painful?
well... who am i to assume, i donât even know you. get it?
just please, acknowledge that everyone here is human. they have emotions, they have their own thoughts, they have their own lives outside of the screen. how they choose to portray themselves here has nothing to do with you. how they choose to react to that hate ask doesnât have to do with anything you should concern yourself with.Â
LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS. LET PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIFE THEIR OWN WAY, both virtual and in reality.Â
i know this post wonât get too far, but i have had enough of seeing the nicest people, who just wanted to express their creativity and share the happiness and the fun, be put down just because of unnecessary hate. i hope those people who send those in never get to experience that, or if they have, i hope they understand that doing so to others isnât going to change anything about themselves.
#no to anon hate#stop hating#everybody is human#APPRECIATE CONTENT CREATORS#ITS FREE REAL ESTATE#spread love not hate#spread legs not hate#leesten
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Do you know how to speak or read korean? If so, How did you learn it? or Do you want to learn it? and finally Which is your favorite feature of BBH?
1.) I can speak a little bit and pick up on words here and there. And I can read it but I donât understand a lot of it. Iâm honestly so lazy with studying lol.Â
2.) I just kind of picked it up at first, like the words being said all the time on variety shows, and dramas. And then I just watched different YouTube videos depending on what I wanted to learn and now I use TTMIK but like I said Iâm so lazy with studying.Â
3.)This question is so hard idk!! I guess Iâd say that little mole on his thumb. ;-; Itâs so cute just like but his smile is amazing too and always makes me happy. And his eyes whenever he smiles are just adorable and his NOSE!!!! ASDFHSDFHJKUEJKDW!!!! ITâS HIS NOSE ITâS SO CUTE I LOVE HIS NOSE!!!
Thank you so much for asking anon
Anonymously message me (3) things you want to know about me.
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