#as soon as people started telling me it had a positive impact on their life

[nathaslosthershit]

A Much Needed Interview (OP81)

(Part 2 of Teen Dad) Summary: After the shock of Oscar revealing himself to be a former teen dad, he joins an interview in the hopes of clearing everything up and limiting the overwhelming amount of questions he has been getting.

“Oscar, it is nice of you to sit down with us. I know it has been an interesting few weeks for you and your family. How are you guys all doing?” The interviewer asks.

‘Yeah, y’know, I had expected to one day have to open up about it all, but I never thought I’d have to do it the way I did. It has been fine, obviously my kids are young enough to not be impacted because they aren’t on social media, but it has been strange for my fiancée who is now getting hundreds of requests on her private account. I have sort of decided to take a break from social media because the response has been overwhelming and like none before. Mostly positive but I think a few people have gotten the wrong idea so I was hoping to clear everything up.” Oscar rambled. He was more nervous about this interview than any he had done before.

“Of course. Why don’t we start at the beginning, how did you and your fiancée meet?”

“We actually met at one of my races. She went to support one of her close friend’s brothers. After the race that I sadly didn’t do too well in, I saw her with her friend and I was kinda frozen in my spot, immediately head over heels. Sadly, it seems like everyone but her noticed. I was too scared to do anything so I just watched her leave. I think I sulked for days, totally regretting my decision to do nothing. A totally heartbroken 16 year old. I looked for her every single race until she finally came back a few months later.”

“Oh please tell me you finally got the confidence to shoot your shot.”

“Nope! I just stared at her and stuttered when she caught me looking then ran off. I then had an amazing race, I think part of me was just trying to make up for the embarrassment and luckily it seems my car got the memo. After the race she came up to me and asked for my number.” God, he was blushing profusely at the memory. He knew he would be getting slack for this for a very long time. 

“Such a story! The young Oscar Piastri was no ladies’ man.”

“He was absolutely not. Soon after we started dating.” Oscar awkwardly laughed, sensing what was about to come up.

“And then kids came shortly after?” The interviewer asked with care in his voice, certainly able to sense Oscar’s change in attitude.

“Yeah. Uh, obviously not planned. I don’t think many people plan to become parent’s at 18. It was a shock… I didn’t handle it the best at first, something I think I will always regret. She was scared and while so was I, I should have been more supportive. I was embarrassed for a while. Felt like a total idiot. I didn’t tell anyone outside of my family and made them swear to secrecy. I also began to isolate myself from friends because I couldn’t bring myself to tell them but also felt terrible lying. A few months in I finally snapped myself out of it and began to focus on all the wonderfulness that was to come. I loved her more than anything and I would be lying if I said I hadn’t already imagined a life together in great detail. By the time we found out it was twins, a boy and a girl, I was ecstatic.”

“Well mate, I don’t blame you for your feelings. I definitely would have been a terrible father at 18 so I salute you.” The interviewer joked.

“Honestly, I had the same thought for a while, even when I was excited to have kids. I had so many doubts about it, I mean how could I not? But when it came down to it, I couldn’t afford to be anything less than a great father. Of course I had my moments, and still do years later, but I wouldn’t be able to let myself be anything less than I am. If you love your kids enough, you find a way.”

“How did having kids so young impact your career? Obviously it didn’t hurt it too much considering you are in your second year driving in Formula 1.”

“Well, I decided I wouldn’t advertise my situation unless a team was very serious about me. Prema knew, Alpine did too and of course McLaren does. All were welcoming and accommodating, as much as they could be. I don’t think I would have gone with any of them if they weren’t cool with it though. I realized the minute my kids were born I would give it all up for them, which scared the hell out of me.”

“That is admirable. All these years later you are still with their mother, correct?”

“Yes! I asked her to marry me over break. Everyone close to us had been confused as to why it took so long but we had discussed marriage together many times and made the decision that because our relationship moved so fast with having kids so young, we would wait a bit. I mean, we are still young but I honestly couldn’t wait any longer. She is everything to me and the most wonderful mother my kids could have.”

“Have your kids been around the paddock yet? I assume they are old enough to understand what you do.”

“They have been to the factory and come with me to meetings when we haven’t had a sitter for them. Luckily, they are both very well behaved in public, they also really like watching the races on tv and have somewhat of an understanding of what I do. They don’t believe I actually drive the car though.” Oscar rumbled. Trying to convince his twins that yes, their father actually does drive the cars they see going super fast, has been an ongoing issue. They seem to believe he is tricking them but have no problem believing Uncle Logan and Uncle Lando drive the cars. It has definitely humbled him immensely.

“Well you will have to fix that soon huh? Will they be attending races in the future?”

“I am trying to work that out with my fiancée actually. They are almost four so we don’t want them traveling too far, I also don’t believe they will be able to be entertained solely by the race the entire time so we have a lot to deal with. But I think seeing them on the paddock supporting me will be one of the best moments of my life. I selfishly can’t wait for them to come.”

The interview wrapped up shortly after that. Getting to reminisce on the start of his relationship and how far they have come and how many wonderful things are in the future put Oscar in a deliriously happy mood. He couldn’t wait to get home to his family. 

Walking through the door, he was immediately welcomed to the sound of toddler meltdowns. Fully entering the house, he saw his very tired fiancée rubbing her face as she tried to calm her babies down. Clearly this had been going on for a while.

Despite how upset she looked, she immediately perked up at seeing Oscar had returned. But that immediately went away as she remembered the screaming kids and how messy the house and herself were.

“Sorry honey, I know you are probably so tired after the interview and meetings earlier and these two missed their nap so they are so cranky and I just-” He cut her off with a kiss. Once he pulled away she looked at him, perplexed. A kiss from Oscar was never unwelcome but it was the last thing she expected at that moment.

“Hey, look at me.” He said as he put a hand on her cheek. “I love you and our little family so much and you never, ever have to apologize for something as trivial as this. Why don’t you go get in the bath and relax a little and I will try to wrangle these two, okay?” 

In her eyes, Oscar had never been hotter than he was now. Now it was her turn to surprise him with a kiss, even more passionate than the first. They would have continued if it hadn’t been for more screaming from their two kids.

Still, Oscar wouldn’t change a thing.

[griddlebait]

You deserve all of the praise and love and gratitude!! SCKL has been such a wonderful, cozy, dramatic, and cathartic reading experience and I can say with 100% certainty that this fic is changing my real actual life for the better. I plan to give it a re-read here soon and basically write you essays-for-comments because I think about this fic pretty much daily (not even exaggerating).

I also cannot tell you how stoked I am: my wife doesn't read fanfic, like. Ever. She didn't get into TLT as hard as I did, but she did read and like it. But I reblogged @corvophobia's recent drawings and later that day got a text from my wife that she was going to start reading SCKL????!?!? She has been really enjoying it so far, sending me screenshots of lines that make her laugh, use many "🥺" emojis, or simply to yell about how much she likes your characterizations. You bet they will be added to my essay also for your authorial enjoyment.

I hope that life chills out and gives you a minute to rest and recoup. The last year has been a rough one. I would love to be able to support someone who has put so much into fandom and had a profound impact on me, should you decide to open a tip jar!

this is so unbelievably kind, thank you for sharing this with me! the bit about your wife is really cute and sweet, one of my favorite parts about sharing sckl is hearing people tell me about their significant others reading it or telling me that they read it to them. Love! <3 (and thank you corvophobia)

again thank you so much, i really appreciate your kind words and support. i’m so happy that you love the fic and that it’s had a positive impact on you!

[musicoftheheart]

i am not in a Positive Mood atm and so i will be picking a bone with disney because there is one song that has frustrated me since the day i heard it and i vow here and now that one day i will rewrite it and that song is My Once Upon A Time from descendants 3

for context, the song comes right after all of mal's closest friends and her fiance have just been turned to stone. unless she can find a way to turn them back, they are - for all intents and purposes - dead, essentially. and, as she says in the song, its her fault. i dont 100% agree with that, but its not the bit i want to pick at

no, what id like to rant about is the fact that the whole song - the whole song - is her talking about how she needs to fix it because its not how she wants to be remembered. what?! im sorry, her friends have been turned to stone and shes concerned about whether she'll be portrayed as a hero in history books? what the fuck.

allow me to point to a song that achieved exactly what mouat shouldve: the next right thing, from frozen 2. in this song, anna learns her sister is dead, because olaf (who's life relies on elsa) dies in her arms. anna's song shows how she picks herself back up, not for herself but because she has people relying on her who need her. because its the right thing to do. not because she wants to be seen as a saviour, but because she wants to save the lives of everyone still in danger. shes already lost her sister, she doesnt want to lose her kingdom, her people, too.

tnrt in frozen 2 was an impactful and emotional moment. mouat in d3 showed mal brushing off the fact her friends were gone and instead focused on her reputation. and i get it - i get that the whole point of the descendants trilogy was that you get to write your own story, and that nobody is wholly good or bad, and that youre in control of your own decisions and whether they help or hurt - but this should be a moment of pure emotion for mal as she recognises how her own actions have led to the loss of her friends, but that she has to carry on if she ever wants a chance to save them; to save everyone. it should not be focused on her being good for the sake of reputation

and, to add to this, im fully aware that throughout the three movies, we see how mal values other people's perception of her, especially so at the start of d2, and then again at the start of d3 both as her role as future queen, and when she doesnt tell her isle friends that it was her call to keep the barrier closed. shes afraid of how theyll see her, yes, but we had the character growth during d2 where mal became more confident about not fitting with the perfect princess look (represented by her transformation into the dragon, and continued use of such magic despite it coming from her evil mother, as well as her dress changing from auradonion colours to her signature purple), so any insecurities there shouldve been wrapped up. and her lies in d3 were, ultimately, for the good of everyone, and only temporary. the barrier had to stay closed until they could figure out a way for it to be safe for everyone. if she had let them bring down the barrier too soon and a villain had caused chaos, then that would ruin the chances of the barrier ever coming down forever. and if she had told her friends - specifically evie - that it was her call, then she knew that evie would convince her to change her mind. but changing her mind at that point was not for the greater good, therefore she lied. as much as a small amount of it was for her reputation among her friends, it was also for the good of auradon and the isle

therefore i refuse to believe that muoat shouldve been focused wholly on her reputation. we know mal cares so much about her friends and about ben, so why didnt the song dive into that? why were we not looking at her guilt, or her determination to carry on so that she could save her loved ones and her home? why, instead, did we focus so hard on the way she wants to be remembered for her heroics and good deeds?

i also understand that mal may be compartmentalising to an extent, by ignoring her own grief for her friends and instead focusing her attention elsewhere to keep herself going. she very clearly does have insecurities about her decisions and her role in auradon, so it would make sense to distract herself with that rather than letting herself break down over her friends. if this was what they intended, though, i think it was poorly done. at least, i certainly wouldnt have brushed past it quite so nonchalantly. mal hardly seemed to care that her friends had been turned to stone after the first - what - two lines of the song? and even then all she says is that she deserves it. she deserves it?? like it had just been a shove in the playground or something, and not an attack on her loved ones - one that, remember, could very well result in her losing them forever

quite literally, her only lines in the song about losing her friends are: "here you are alone and you deserve it // your friends have turned to stone and thats on you" and that is it. everything else is about her story being written, or about serving a cause, or her reputation not being linked to her parents'

i really do not like this song. i havent watched d3 for over a year, so i do apologise if ive missed/forgotten important context, but from everything i remember and listening to the song itself, i do not believe it does the moment justice. i want to rewrite it one day, ive no idea if i ever will or how, but i dont like it the way it is.

[vampyrial]

A World For Her Alone | Color all my days blue, but be sure to save one for white

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

cw (chapter specific): pregnancy, infidelity, sanity slippage, suicide

pairing: claude x fem!reader

summary: Reader really thinks she can be happy in MY story this soon? *scoffs* No way, baby!

author's note: I fear you guys aren't gonna like me for this one...more notes at the bottom

You drifted through moments you’d lived so many times before. The moment you returned, you thought for the thousandth time “this time, I swear I’ll do it right.” It was like a bedtime prayer, worn down to meaninglessness. A little lullaby on your lips, like a child searching for comfort.

There was no where else to go but back to assuming your dutiful role. This time, perhaps because your feet were barely touching the ground. Reality glitched frequently these days, if you could call them that. You tolerated Claude and Diana without even so much as a frown. And this time also, you protected her life like a tiny candle flame against the wind. Diana was well enough to start going to the academy with you, a rite of passage as much as a means of generalized education for children of noble houses.

At lunch, you sat alone in the gardens while they went to the dining hall together. If you tried hard enough, you could make out a voice in those memories. A blink of what you think could be black hair and a boys uniform, he’s floating through you as thin as air. He’s telling you something, in a voice cold, flinty and familiar. “Claude is with Diana again.” Something is being implied in these words almost bluntly and ill concealed.

Your answer is rote, automatic. “Yes, he knows I prefer to be alone but my sister is new and doesn’t know anyone so he keeps her company.”

“Is that so?” He smiled bitterly as if he hadn’t expected that answer. 

“Of course.”

“I wonder why you cover for him…” Those words passed you by without impact, they seemed more like your own thoughts than anything.

“Everyone always says Diana is better suited for Claude, that perhaps he’ll break the engagement to be with her.” Again, no impact. You already lived it, silly rumors couldn’t even amount to half the horror of the truth. “I hope you won’t take offense, milady, but perhaps you should fight harder. There are more rivals about you than just the young lady. I had heard you were a strong willed lady, will your position really be okay if you leave things be?”

He went away, or maybe you just blinked and the lunch period had passed, you couldn’t know. As if a machine, you thoughtlessly gathered your things as the piercing bell sounded and hurried you along. You caught a glimpse of Claude walking Diana out of the dining hall, her hand wrapped around his arm for support and his on the small of her back. Murmuring again to yourself, you looked away. But when Diana caught sight of you, she came over, looking bashful. “Your next class is this way too, right? Should we go together?” She asked. Of course, there was only one answer to that question. You’d risk being seen as bitter and jealous if you refused, there was already enough of that in the way Claude saw you. He was eyeing you, paused in his path.

You smiled. “Of course.” 

Claude said farewell to Diana, apparently satisfied enough by your answer not to fix you with a hard stare. The two of you walked along, all the time you could hear whispers, concrete ones instead of the thin, almost sing-song caches of remembered insult. 

“She pulled her aside to call her out…”

“She must be angry about Lord Claude eating with the poor lady.”

“She’ll act one way before her fiance and another to Lady Diana…if she’ll act that way to ladies who haven’t even done anything to her, think of what she’ll do if she thinks her own sister is a better match for Claude.”

People had gossiped about you forever, it was truly nothing new. Perhaps you had even deserved their contempt for behaving the way you did. Still, your skin burned as you heard the words shamelessly hurled at you even at your most mild action. Their slander was almost laughable in hindsight, you and Diana were sisters, if you had any desire to call her out, would you not do it at home where no one could interfere?

Diana walked along, fidgeting with the threads of her uniform and looking down. It was additional kindling for the gossip that spread like wildfire. “You’re not upset that I ate lunch with Claude, are you?” She finally said, looking up at you. “No, of course not,” You assured her, smiling again which seemed convince her. Her expression became bright again as she happily accepted your platitude. You walked on, in a haze.

Each night, you worked diligently on your wedding dress. It was something that could definitely have been left to a seamstress but it brought a bit of happiness. Your fingers moved deftly over the silk of your dress, the cool fabric bringing you back down to earth. The sensation of your aching hands, the way your gown was slowly woven into form by your careful hands, it made you dream of your wedding which would take place soon after your graduation. It made you believe that the happiness you acquired would hold up. Claude was not displeased with you this time, and had even started to relax in your presence. You even saw him more often this time, a few weeks ago he had taken you to a botanical garden. As a pair, you stood closely and walked quietly down rows of exotic flowers. Inside, you could hardly restrain a hope that nearly ripped a painful wound through tender flesh. He took your hand when the two of you needed to pass by another couple, it was warm and forgiving.

You had to put down your needle, your hands were trembling.

On your wedding day, it was overcast. You were nearly suffocating just looking up at the sky, when your maid opened the curtains in the morning, you curled into yourself to cut off the dull light.”Hm, looks like rain,” she hummed. Pushing back against the memories, you retreated under the waves of your mind and buried yourself there. It was a shame that the feeling of reality slipping was temporary. Things only felt more and more fixed the longer you lived. 

When you arrived to the temple, its solid stone and thousands of hanging candles that substituted the sun, you felt better. Here you were living between earth and heaven. All nerves and butterflies, you felt like a true bride, one fashioned in the love of her husband to be. You felt beautiful in the pure, stark white of your gown.

“...I swear in the name of my good house, to love and honor you for as long as you shall live. Never will you be disgraced by any action or inaction of mine,” Claude said his vows, not hesitating on a single word. That was the man you loved, lying before his family and comrades for the sake of the marquisate. It…almost made you smile to hear his devotion even if it was not to you.

Looking at you, after the ceremony and formalities were done, you heard Claude speak honeyed words in an awed voice that made you shudder. “So beautiful…” He murmured. Forgetting yourself, you gasped softly, feeling the rapture and confusion of his approval. And he was so near you, sitting at your side. You could reach out to him, to cup his cheek, to place a hand on his shoulder perhaps, to return something to him. 

Diana’s laugh sounded, a clear and lovely laugh that always did make everyone smile. The sound was sharp and near and you noticed that Claude’s eyes were staring through you. They seemed fixed on your face but his gaze, it was like yours had been before. As if you and everything else was passing through. You turned as though possessed to confirm that although he was looking in your directions, the praises went to your little sister who indeed looked beautiful. More like a bride than you did; blushing, chatting with a few young ladies and a lord you vaguely recognized. 

You were freefalling back to earth in an instant. The wind was knocked out of your chest and your surroundings seemed to sharpen, too bright, too loud, too colorful. Not even this day of all days was yours alone. Agony, you thought, Carrying the weight of every life I've led and still having hope enough to destroy, this must be agony.

Your marriage henceforth was nothing special, you applied a lighter hand in the politics of the marquisate. You tried at being cunning, underhanded rather than an iron lady as you had been before. Claude had expressed his gratitude whenever he was home. It was not a warm marriage, or a joyful home but he was pleased with you and the two of you were on better terms than you had been in other lives. The frigidity was bearable and as a partner, Claude was gentle. 

When would you learn not to lean into things that cannot last?

A day came perhaps two years into your marriage when Claude walked into the salon, holding the hand of Diana who looked sickly. He approached you like one does an animal they’re not sure won’t bite them. His eyes were hard and determined but his steps were slow and sure. 

“It isn’t Diana’s fault,” He forewarned.

“Is there something wrong?” It came out of your mouth almost beyond your control, even dreading whatever came next you were still desiring to make it better.

Claude hesitated before speaking. “Diana is pregnant.”

Something fell from your hands with a loud, clang. You didn’t so much as glance downward. Continuing as if a doll with a string being pulled, you answered with a question. “Who’s the father?” Stupid, how pathetic. Reality, all the time, was falling down on top of you.

“I am.”

It broken open. Whatever force kept you standing and speaking coherently had gone away and you were reduced to a child, whimpering and feeble. “Why?” was all that could be accurately comprehended.

“Because I love her,” Claude retorted shamelessly with his brow furrowed, giving you a stern look as if he was standing up to someone. But all that you were was a woman withering, struggling to grasp a single thread of sanity.

A child. Diana had a child. You couldn’t even hold yours before you died and slipped away forever. You would never even so much as know the name of your child and even so, Diana would have hers with Claude. That child would surely be loved by him, it was loved even now it seemed. Would she have that child you lost? A bright haired child crying out to let everyone hear their vigor and life. You screamed.

“I’m sorry big sister…” Diana mumbled, looking down. Claude tended to her, leading her to the couch and covering her ears with his big hands.

You were on the ground, gripping at your own skin so tightly your bled. Shivering in a display larger than any you’d ever made before. Another scream built in the back of your throat and you hadn’t even the power to restrain it. In between, you heard Claude say “Stay here, I’ll take her upstairs.”

You were shut up in your bedroom, made to rest until you were calm. But when his touch disappeared and the door locked behind him, you broke. Reality was intercut with the screams, the aches, the blood of realities past. It was all happening concurrently, Felix’s blood running in the mud, the cries of your child who could not and would not be soothed in your arms, the starvation of the prison. It didn’t end, it never ended. You were given a few years before it wanted you to remember again, to swallow you whole.

“No more” you begged “Please, no more...I can’t…I didn’t–!” 

There was a sleep tonic in the drawer of your nightstand, a strong one made and prescribed by the kind doctor. The recommended dose was just a tiny spoonful but it always put you into a sleep like death. You took them when your body was heavy from working so hard it nearly bowed your back but your mind was hung up on a thought that did not beckon sleep. Like the sound of the rain howling that night. 

You picked up the bottle and drank it all down.

additional author's note: you guys, I swear this will have a happy ending. And we've got one chapter to go before we get into something I think might make you guys feel a little better.

tags:@kage-tobiuo @kreishin @rosephantomhive@yeahdrarry @splaterparty0-0 @dear-dairiesss @qluvrv @hafsuhhh @eissaaaa @ayolk @doan-19 @fourcefulcupid @ariachaos @cerisearan@irisspade@yaesflorist@jcrml@xiaosprettygf@yevenly@amaris08atoshi012022 @obsessed-with-a-fictional-man @softbummiee

Next

[wundergeek]

What does thriving look like when the world (and our brains) are on fire?

My mental health went to completely to shit for the first year of the pandemic, especially after getting locked in my house with my gender made me admit that I was trans. The shit cherry on top: I spent most of 2020 unemployed.

My brain completely shut down for those first four months or so. I spent every available spoon on parenting my kid, and had none left to deal with any of my own shit - which started becoming an equity issue in my marriage the longer my husband had to do all of the cooking and other housework by himself. Which definitely wasn't fair to him!

So I got really intentional about my habits, and I reorganized my space around this question: what will help me feel grounded and positive in a way that will make small actions feel achievable?

What does that look like for me?

Visual reminders of love: love letters / art from friends / cards / photos

Easily one of the most important aspects of my workspace. I have basically zero emotional object permanence, so having objects that I see every day that are proof of that connection is vital to reminding myself that the voice telling me that I'm alone is wrong.

If, like me, you have ADHD - you'll want to move things around / replace things every few months, because our brains are hard-wired to seek novelty. I actually need to do this soon - and plan on reaching out to a few close friends and asking for small notes or pictures.

Quotes from your favorite media that give you hope / Dark Aspiration / Your favorite blorbo

Hopeful quotes! If you've ever thought of getting a tattoo of a phrase, but didn't do it because it came from something real nerdy - that's perfect.

I made myself this poster of quotes from Final Fantasy 14's Endwalker expansion - which itself was about how do we find meaning in existence while living through the end of the world? It hangs above my bulletin board, so that I see it every day.

Dark aspiration: this one is optional, but for those of you who are extremely motivated by spite, as I am... It helps to have a reminder in my field of view that "going for a stupid walk for my stupid mental health" is exactly what these fascist motherfuckers DON'T want.

Favorite blorbo: Is there a blorbo you are INCAPABLE OF BEING NORMAL ABOUT? Fucking harness that! Get that fucking dopamine however you need. (In my case, with catboy husband.)

Is it ridiculous? Who cares! We have ONE LIFE, so why not spend that life thinking about blorbos that make us happy?

Task board / decision matrix

The goal: not to let yourself crawl into bed and stay there for the next six months.

The challenge: being overwhelmed makes decisions about what we can accomplished feel impossible - which can lead to no action at all

Which is why we visually sort that shit.

My white board is broken down along Effort (low to high) and Impact (low to high), but you can define your axes differently. Urgency versus Importance is another one I've seen a lot of people use? The reason I use Effort / Impact is because it provides a visual approximation of the Spoons / Benefit Derived ratio for each outstanding tasks.

And! That upper left quadrant contains a lot of easy wins for when I need the feeling of removing something from the board to help me feel motivated to do something larger.

(The bottom right corner is dangerous. Try not to let too much stuff lurk there. If it starts getting full, try either to break those tasks up, or to find someone to support you in doing them.)

Gratitude and/or Glimmers

Look. I know. I get it. I really do.

But there's a reason why some of the most common advice for dealing with depression and anxiety is keeping a gratitude journal. There's actual, honest-to-god science showing it works. (Since gratitude doesn't always work for people, keeping track of glimmers can also be really helpful - small moments of happiness worth remembering.)

So think of it like "taking a stupid walk for your stupid mental health".

If you're someone who's motivated by colored pens, make a trip to the dollar store! Use those stickers you've been hoarding for no specific purpose! (These stickers here have been on my whiteboard for FOUR YEARS). If you're ADHD like me, keep it somewhere you can see it - which will act both as a reminder to add to it, AND as a reminder of the things you've already written there.

Also, make sure you give yourself permission to make it ugly.

It doesn't do you any good if it turns into something that stresses you out.

Visual cues to exercise

I keep these adjustable weights I got off of Amazon next to my desk. I might only manage to use them once a day when my mental health is really bad, but anything that forces you to engage your heart a little is great.

Sometimes you might find that banging out a set of lifts gives you the motivation for a small walk. Or even to just walk around and stretch.

Again: "taking a stupid walk for your stupid mental health" territory here. As someone who has wrestled with mental illness my entire life, I hate that hAvE yOu TrIeD eXcErCiZe is the first thing that gets hurled at us, because it's not a fucking panacea. But it really does make a difference.

Important end note: fuck The Aesthetic ✨

It might take a while to create a space that is both functional AND visually appealing, or you might decide you don't care about visual appeal, and that's fine. Function is king.

Not pictured: make art make art MAKE ART

More than anything, art is what helps us get through dark times. So MAKE. ART.

It doesn't have to be good. Shitty things are great! Knit a shitty sock! Draw a shitty picture! Write a shitty poem! Hell yeah!

"What if it's cringe?" then BE CRINGE. Write your cringe au fic! Draw some fanart of a cursed ship! Make your favorite blorbos kiss!

Just. Make. ART.

[nightmarish-fae]

professor blake (alex blake/academic!reader)

a/n: I originally wrote this little one shot as a request for @prentiss-theorem. I usually don’t feel very comfortable with sharing what I write, but I have been badgered (lovingly), so here we go. I am not a native English speaker, all mistakes are mine.

pairing: alex blake x reader

genre: silly fluff

warnings: swearing

word count: 767 (one-shot)

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It was fun, sneaking around with Alex. Not that you were really sneaking around - neither of you needed or wanted to keep your relationship a secret. All the important people in your life knew. But neither of you quite felt the need to tell your colleagues and students at Georgetown when you started seeing each other and eventually, it just slipped your minds. And then, it became sort of a game, seeing just what you could get away with and laughing at how confused people could get trying to put two and two together over shared dinners and glasses of wine. 

You couldn’t be happier. When you took the position of Latin professor at Georgetown, you didn’t quite expect the impact the position would have on your life. On your first day, you managed to bump into a fellow professor and spill your coffee on both of you, which, in turn, made you burst into tears. It might not have been an entirely appropriate reaction, but the stress and terrible previous work experience made it too much for you to handle. 

Even so, it turned out to be one of the best things to ever happen to you. The woman you managed to get your coffee all over, a linguistics professor Alex Blake, blew your breath right away. She was gorgeous. And smart, funny and ridiculously kind. You found out very quickly, because she insisted that the coffee related mishap was her fault, soothed your tears almost immediately and persuaded you to let her buy you another coffee. You knew, on that first day, right after you parted ways, that it was either this woman or no one else.

And you were right. You continued to bump into each other, which in turn evolved into planned meetings when you found out just how much you had in common.

It was easy, falling in love with her. It was easier than breathing. And, by some strange sort of miracle, she fell for you too.

That’s how you ended up cuddling her in your shared bed, in your shared apartment, with a ring on your finger and a cat curled on the bottom of the bed. Sometimes, you felt like crying from how happy you were. It wasn’t all easy. Her FBI job led to late night, dangerous situations and countless arguments. But both of you pushed through, determined to do better for the other one. 

“What is going on in that head, huh?”

Alex snapped you out of your train of thoughts, handing you your coffee mug along with a kiss to your forehead. It was your first day back to work after returning from your honeymoon and while neither of you were quite ready to burst the bubble, there was also fun to be had. 

“Nothing, just thinking how lucky I am to call you my wife.”

That earned you the sweetest possible kiss, carefully pressed to your lips while those clever hands cupped your cheeks. 

“Sweet talker. See you for lunch?”

You simply hummed in response, heading for your lecture with the goofiest smile possible plastered on your face. It was impossible to get rid of. And what made the whole thing even better was what was about to follow. You and Alex made a bet. She insisted it was impossible no one knew about the two of you. You in turn, insisted that the name change was going to come as a shock. The stakes were high, but you knew you had this. Alex overestimated the intelligence of university students. 

It was exactly as you presumed. As soon as you walked down the steps, facing your class, a wave of confusion rose. 

“I thought Professor Blake was meant to be teaching this class.”

You only leaned back and looked at your nails.

“Well, yes. That’s me.”

Trying not to laugh was almost an herculean effort. Their poor little confused faces as they tried to put two and two together filled you with joy. Eventually, they succeeded and you thought you heard what sounded suspiciously like ‘lucky bitch’ coming from one of the girls closer to you. 

“I am indeed lucky, thank you very much. Not sure about the bitch though. Now, because you all managed to score me a weekend getaway with my wife, there will be no pop quiz next week. For the basics…”

As you droned on about the syllabus, your eyes flicked towards the door. It was open and Alex was standing there, leaning against the frame with a hand over her mouth, trying to muffle her laughter.

Life was good.

[archiveofkloss]

In conversation with fellow top model Christy Turlington, Karlie Kloss opens up on how being a muse and a mother unlocked the next great chapters of her life

Those in the world of fashion can recall the moment Karlie Kloss appeared on the scene at fifteen with feline, emerald eyes, and a smize that has made her a muse to many. 

A walking phenom since her early days of dominating catwalks, campaigns, and covers, the industry has been trying to keep up with Kloss as she makes leggy strides toward her next goals with intent, grace, and the guidance of her fellow supers in the business. For Kloss, that mentor position was filled by none other than Christy Turlington. “She is such a North star for me,” Kloss explains. “For what it could mean to be a model and also use your platform [to promote] things that make a real impact in the world.”

With Kloss now in her early thirties, her activism work and outspokenness echo that of Turlington. The two have walked uncannily parallel paths: both were discovered in their early teens, made the decision to step away from the modeling world to attend college in their early twenties, and now have two kids. Additionally, both have dedicated much of their efforts to their community-driven organizations like Kloss’ Gateway Coalition, focused on reproductive care, and tech education initiatives, Kode with Klossy, and Turlington’s Every Mother Counts. Most recently, Kloss has ventured into new territory, adding another title to her impressive resume by taking on the role of CEO of Bedford Media, overseeing the soon-to-be-revived publications, i-D and LIFE magazine. It seems nothing can stop the force of nature that is Karlie Kloss.

V MAGAZINE: How did you meet? Do you remember that first interaction?

CHRISTY TURLINGTON: You want to tell it, Karlie?

KARLIE KLOSS: The first time I met Christy Turlington, it was almost like a scene out of a movie because I’ve idolized Christy long before ever meeting her, and all that she stood for in the world and the industry. I remember many years of being on shoots and feeling like I got to know you by the stories other makeup artists or hair stylists [would tell me] about the legend of Christy. No Woman, No Cry[Turlington’s 2010 documentary] came out at that time, and you were running marathons…I was always a super fan. She was shooting in the Donna Karan studio over in the West Village. Donna invited me because she knew how much I admired Christy, and I remember walking into Urban Zen where the shoot was happening. I was standing face-to-face with Christy, and I just started crying. I’ve never had that reaction ever again with anyone in the world, but I was so moved and humbled to meet her, and so I just was bawling.

V: Oh, my God! What was your reaction, Christy?

CT: No, it was so sweet! We’ve talked about it a lot since. I feel like you were 15 or 16, you were at the beginning of your career, and you sort of started at the top, so you were very much everywhere. What I remember very specifically about you and Donna’s interaction is that you reminded me of some of my peers when I was around your age, where we would be so invested in the designers and the people we worked with, that every day after the show, we’d pick up WWD. You talked to Donna in a very sophisticated way, giving her commentary on the collection that you had just worn, which was very sweet. I was touched. Donna, I’ve known since the beginning of her career, she’s also such an incredible woman and leader. And I felt in the middle of these two worlds. It was kind of like the confluence of past, present, and future.

V: Do you remember what year that was?

KK: I think that might be in 2008 or 2009. 

CT: Yeah, I think it was before I was in school. I was at Columbia, working on my public health degree, and I feel like it was before Every Mother Counts, which was the beginning of my advocacy. But I had small kids, and [embarking] on a direction of where that step was taking me, so I was in a really important transition time, I would say.

V: I’ve seen many moments where you two were together—at events, in campaigns, and on covers—and I read in the New York Times that Christy actually wrote Karlie’s recommendation letter for college.

KK: Yes, for NYU!

V: How did that even happen?

KK: This was before ChatGPT, so she really had to write it! It was so generous of Christy to do that. Even knowing that Christy Turlington— who continues, over many decades, to have an extraordinary fashion career as an iconic supermodel—also cares about her education was so important for me. When I was in my early twenties, I was really nervous about the decision, because I thought, “If I take any amount of time away from my fashion career, will it all disappear?” and Christy was such an important sounding board to prove that [I should] invest in my own education. I couldn’t have done it—and wouldn’t have done it—without Christy’s example and encouragement.

CT: After we met, within a couple of years we started to get together and meet for lunch, and just talk about things. So, when Karlie mentioned that she was interested in going back to school, of course, I was ecstatic for her. When I decided [to get my degree], I was already making a conscious choice of stepping away and slowing down the career at like 10 years in. Karlie was still very much at the height. I think you were already recognizing that you were not as excited about all the things you’d already experienced. So I was really in support of this choice and also tried to give as much of a reality check of what it would feel like, and try to reassure her that the more that she did work on herself, the more in-demand she would be. The more you continue to evolve and invest in yourself, the more people want to be a part of that and want to get closer to you to learn all the different things that you’re now interested in. I think your curiosity, your earnestness, and your seriousness have always been, I think, what stood out to me. I’ve seen it in every phase since we first met. You just continue to evolve in the most natural, thoughtful, and purposeful way.

KK: Wow! This is like a dream. I’m glad this is being recorded. I think on days when I’m having a bad day, I need to look back at this.

KP: So with the both of you going back to school at the heights of your career, Karlie, did you happen to get any pushback at all from people advising the opposite?

KK: I think we all have that little voice in our head that is our own worst enemy, and as a young woman, I doubted myself in all sorts of ways. I was worried that if I made the choice to go back to school, this fairy tale of a fashion career that had happened quite quickly [would disappear]. I just had to trust my gut and kind of ignore what anyone else says. In modeling and fashion, everything changes from one day to the next, and nothing is promised. I had to take that leap of faith and believe that even if this all went away, I had a great time. I met a lot of great people, including my icon, Christy Turlington. Continuing the relationship we have with ourselves and being confident in knowing our power, our worth, and our potential—you can’t go wrong when you lean into who you are and invest in that. At that moment, that was the right thing for me to do.

V: Now at 31, having all that modeling experience and taking those investments in your education, you’ve gone on to start all these organizations. The same goes for Christy with Every Mother Counts, which Karlie has been involved in quite a bit. You went on a trip to Haiti a few years ago. I’d love to know at what point you had the ideas for those organizations.

KK: It’s so funny, I actually had a YouTube channel at the time [where I recorded the trip], I’m going to go back after this and rewatch those videos.

CT: Yes, I forgot about that!

KK: Remember that? Oh, it’s probably so cringe, but I was such a nerd. I was so passionate and excited about being on this trip [to Haiti], it really was a turning point for me in a lot of ways. Christy was so kind to invite me on this trip with some other extraordinary women who have continued to stay in my life, including Sara Blakely, who is one of the most extraordinary, successful female entrepreneurs in this country, and has built a company that has done so much good in so many ways. I think it was such an important trip for me to physically see the work. [Because] we live in New York, it’s easy to kind of feel disconnected from these topics—you go to a charity event and you write a check. But actually going on this trip and seeing where Every Mother Counts was really changing the lives of women in Haiti in the most profound and important of ways, [especially] in that moment of when you’re most vulnerable: bringing your child into the world. I founded Kode with Klossy a year or two later. [That trip] set me on this path and helped show me what could be possible through my own natural curiosity. So after that trip, I went back to NYU and I started taking coding classes, which made me realize there are so many opportunities in the changing world that we live in, and for young women in particular— imagine the problems they could solve with this ability. It started simply like that with 21 scholarships, and next year is our 10th year.

CT: That’s big, that’s huge!

KK: It’s huge! We’ve had more than 10,000 young women and gender expansive teens in our programs over the past years. We’re going to probably have close to 4,000 scholars in our programs this summer alone. You never know the way that you can impact somebody else’s life. I don’t think Christy even probably knew inviting me on that trip would set me on my own journey in such a profound way, and I hope that our Kode with Klossy scholars have a similar experience of wanting to continue to light that spark for others.

CT: I’m a big fan of Bryan Stevenson [social justice activist], and I love the way he speaks about proximity. For me that’s really the truth. I would say through Kode with Klossy, similarly, you want to be with those kids. You want to be in the room where the lights turn on and everyone has that feeling of connectivity and you’re a part of a community. We’ve crossed paths once again in our parallel pathing and that’s through what Karlie is doing now with Gateway Coalition. I think to have younger moms and people coming from the communities that they’re trying to address continue to keep quality care and service [that considers] the full spectrum of reproductive health and rights, it’s going to be even more helpful. I think that’s one of the parallels that we share is the ability to build a community that will ultimately have a greater impact… I can see the multiplier effect happening between coding and technology and the community you’ve built, and also the commitment you’ve made to do this work at this moment. I’m even more excited to see it from this angle because that’s where we intersect more directly than we have in the last few years.

KK: Thank you, Christy. That means a lot. Even in this country, with the lack of access to basic resources and healthcare, I really continue to learn from Christy in so many ways. After I just had my first [child] and came back home, Christy and Grace [Burns], her oldest, came over and met my little guy, and it was just so crazy. Having the entry into motherhood, and having your first child, no matter the resources you have or where you live in this world, it is a profoundly life changing experience, and you have to have your community and village around you. I feel very lucky that Christy and Grace are now in my village.

V: I love that. You know, we actually recently photographed Grace for our V GIRLSseries.

CT: Yeah, that’s right. She loved that! In LA, right?

KP: Yes, that was it. We first saw Grace on TikTok, and I found out that she recently shot a campaign, too, for Tamara Mellon.

CT: Yeah, she’s doing a lot of shooting, and she’s shooting friends right now in Spain. I sort of marvel at Karlie, and how much she’s able to take on. Seeing her do all the things, it appears effortless, but I know it’s not. Then, with my daughter who’s 21 in October, it’s like really another full circle. She’s in class full time, she’s publishing books of poetry, shooting campaigns, and being shot in campaigns, I’m like, “Of course, you can do that because Karlie is your [role model].” So it’s a very direct correlation in the way that we’re all continuing to inspire and care for and support one another.

KK: Yes, I’m in that phase where my three-year-old at three in the morning last night was all of a sudden in my bed and I didn’t sleep, and I’m like, “Okay, this is my life.” 

CT: Aw! And the thing is, it doesn’t end, you know? Everyone had a mother in order to come into the world, and no matter what age or where you are, and what station you are in your life, your mother continues to worry, care, and be there ready for the call, just always there for you. I think that’s the part that’s so relatable, regardless of one’s decision to have a child or not have a child, which is why it’s so important to support that regardless. You see how important that is for the folks who don’t have it, and folks that do, and the difference that creates in terms of an opportunity for success and for people to thrive in their lives.

V: What are some of the ways you both see the results of all of your efforts through the mothers and the women that you’re helping directly?

CT: I get to hear a lot from mothers. We support mostly providers, from community-based folks that are community health workers, doulas or midwives, and also physicians. When I see people who are working at the community level—which is where we mostly are invested—they’re the people at the front lines. They’re the people who are not turning folks away, especially now that things are harder and more precarious, dangerous, and potentially riskier. They’re still there, and they are not going anywhere. Those are the people that give me the most motivation. I feel like our purpose really is to try to uplift them and give them the support and care that they need to continue to meet their communities where they are. 

KK: That’s why unrestricted funding matters. Because I’ve also run a nonprofit with Kode with Klossy, and I know when you put that trust in the leader of that community who is providing that care, they’re going to do what they can to allocate these funds in the most high-impact ways. With Kode with Klossy, there are more than 10,000 young people who are now in the world’s workforce, and they’re not just young teenage women with dreams, they’re actually pursuing their passions. It’s really for me what always has been most important: self-realization more so than like a technical skill set. Of our alumni in college, more than 70% of them go on to major or minor in computer science, which is crazy to me. That to me is such an indicator that Kode with Klossy really reaches them in a moment where they’re deciding what doors the world could open for them. Especially now with every industry being impacted and needing to evolve, this basic technical literacy is crucial. To see how that plays out in their lives, and also how they bring that back to the community of Kode with Klossy—they come back and help teach in our camps, and they go on to build apps and projects that are impacting their communities, and solving problems that reach many people that are far beyond even just Kode with Klossy.  So it’s pretty awesome. 

CT: I was just thinking about Haiti because I hadn’t thought about it in so long–you don’t have any photos from that trip, do you?

KK: I do! I’m gonna find those.

CT: If you do, that would be fun to revisit, because we have so many photos from events and things that aren’t that exciting and we’ve only shot professionally together, really, once.

V: Yup, it was your Cole Haan campaign.

CT: It was a while ago. Then we did Edward [Enninful’s] last cover [for British Vogue]. Otherwise, most of our life has been doing other things. But we’re connected through it and it’s really lovely. I love our story, Karlie.

KK: I love our story. Well, maybe we need to do a V shoot together.

V: Let’s please do it!

CT: Next Mother’s Day!

KK: Exactly!

[sinukiyo]

Author you did it again and never fail to leave us readers breathless👏🏼.

Hope you don't mind me sharing my thoughts on your latest chapter as well as a deep dive on your characters as well.

Daichi my guy. You knocked up yo baby mama, abandoned her and left to raise yo kid BY HERSELF and you're upset that her mama and best friend are acting cold towards you. Boi miss me with that shit. You can but yeast in the oven and expect steak to come out. And it sure as hell doesn't seem like you understand the consequences of yo actions. On top of that you have a whole ass family (allegedly) and you wanna reconnect with Ami? Granted if the story does confirm that Daichi does in fact have a wife and a kid(s) that means he had the choice to step up and he could have stepped up. But he chose NOT TO. Like how can you say you want to be in yo kid's life SIX YEARS LATER while you already started something with someone else DURING THOSE SIX YEARS. And I'm curious to know why he waited six years to want to reconnect with Ami.

Kenji, my man, my man telling Daichi of like: "I'm hoping she'll grow out of having bad taste in sports teams just like she did her bad taste in... well, everything else." COLDEST LINE EVER. I WAS SCREAMING AND KICKING MY FEET. And I can't stop grinning. And that cute little moment with Chiho tells me he's still the best dad even after Emi.

My takeaway from this chapter is the importance of having people in your corner supporting you, and Ami has that. Mama Wakita, despite her disappointment in her daughter's choices, chose to be in her daughter's corner coz she, as a mother herself, understands what Ami is going through. And kudos to Juri for being a true best friend and a real one. And Kenji? Do we even have to explain? Like, really?

Many single mums/parents in Ami's position don't always have that luxury of having a support system. Half the times family and friends would just welcome back the absent parent with open arm with not consideration for the single parent's feelings because "they at least stepped up". It's kinda sad that social media is treating single parenthood, especially single motherhood, like it's some kind of achievement and a flex. It's admirable being able to raise your kid on your own without the other parent present you still NEED people in your corner. You NEED your own community coz believe it or not, single parenthood can be lonely at times, not just for you but for your kid also.

1. Y’all are going to find out why Daichi is just now showing up real soon! Brace yourself🗣️

2. Fun fact about Kenji’s line, I originally wrote, “I’m hoping she’ll grow out of her bad taste in sports teams just like she did her bad taste in men,” but even I gasped while re-reading it so I edited it because a more subtle jab is even more exciting than a direct one!

3. Kenji is the best dad! You’ll will be seeing more of him and Chiho in today’s chapter! I actually just took a break from writing to answer this ask.

4. Love your little takeaway because that supportive dynamic between Ami, her mom and Juri was a big part of this chapter fr😭 They may not have liked that Daichi was there but they understood and supported her still.

I for one have experienced the impact of a good community. Life can be so exhausting sometimes. We really do need people behind us.

Thank you for sharing!❤️

[cloudslexapro]

🫀🕯️⛓️🩸

it feels like i'm not allowed or it's too soon to say, but i can admit at least to myself and my secret lil tumblr space that. i'm falling in love. for sure. i've never felt like this and yet i know 100% that i am.

this past weekend we were doing after care after we'd had sex and done an intense rope and impact scene, and i was scratching and rubbing his shoulders while he was leaning back on my chest, and i was doing deep breathing to come down and i felt his breath sync up with mine and it was like nothing i've ever experienced, it was this level of intimacy i've been searching for my entire life. there are very few physical things i enjoy being on the "giving" end of and being able to calm his breathing when i know he carries so much anxiety and after he'd given me so much pleasure and pain that i crave made my heart and my head feel like they were going to explode and yet i was so peaceful and calm at the same time.

idk i'm not ready to tell him about my feelings, i think it is too soon and i don't want to spook him but it's really hard to hold back at the same time. and i don't know if he feels the same way but there's something growing between us for sure. and i don't want to lose it. normally during sex i tend to close my eyes or look away, but lately with him we've been making a lot of eye contact and it's like, i can't look away, the way he looks at me during makes me feel drunk and crazy and like he's so present. and it's not like he's using me, or even just oh this is a nice fun thing to do and i'm getting off. it's like, parts of me that were so damaged that i thought were broken beyond help are being repaired. and the more i learn about him the more i fall, the closer i want to be, the more i'm like this person really sees me.

he gets really embarrassed and turns so red when i give him compliments but i was like, can i please give you one compliment and i told him that the first time i saw him i thought "if i don't talk to this person i'm going to regret it". it's so corny but it's true, i saw him across the room for the first time and i was just drawn in and nothing was going to get in my way. that has literally never happened to me but i'm so glad it did and i'm glad i didn't ignore the way my heart started hammering when i saw him, the way it does any time i think of him or get a text.

i'm scared but i'm excited. regardless of where this goes i know he's left a positive impact on my life and ive done the same for him. it's so so corny as i type it but it's like our fates are intertwined. we're both passionate activists and artists, both anxious hurt people that have been through shit but come out the other side stronger and more loving than before. i'm excited and hopeful no matter what happens. romantic love truly goes sooooo crazy when you have trust and honesty.

[mysteriouslytransparentwitch]

thank you very much for your waves and your bubbles of protection

I admit that I am going through an emotionally unpleasant moment, I try to stay positive and attract all forms of abundance on my way. I'm just angry because I'm going through several things at once and it's really impacting my health, I'm going to have to take medication to lower my blood pressure.

I just tell myself, I'm in France, I've been working officially since I was 17, so I contribute like everyone else. In my payslip, there is a section social protection, sick leave, accident at work. Normally you contribute a certain amount if something happens to you. Something happens to me, I had my salary maintained for 30 days, then I'm at 50% for the March salary in April I'm going to paine receive €600 again even if I go back to work on April 12 or maybe before, I'm waiting for my schedule.

I have to go see the social worker on Tuesday because my low salary will last until July 7th.

I asked for exptional help from CAF unfortunately I am entitled to nothing because technically I am an employee according to the criteria my problems are just temporary.

I'm starting to get angry like some French people, we contribute but we don't receive anything in the event of a problem. We have a fund filled with 12 billion euros to help the French, but this is not distributed by the French state, it is sleeping money.

We suffer so much injustice, I don't know..... I'm trying to take a new training to hope to earn a little better my life but I have to ask my employer for a leave of absence to follow my training to be paid by Ile de France. For 16 months I have been trying to advance my inopia project to earn an additional salary (diversify my sources of income) but I have difficulty moving forward because my health problem is impacting my professional life and therefore my inopia project ( I try to put money aside)

I struggle financially since the age of 27 I will soon be 34 years old. I started to give up on the project of being an owner. I prefer to save money for my retirement. I made a simulation I will touch at the age of 63 only 1100 euros. impossible to live in France.

I'm starting to get scared, do I experience stability in my life, the world seems so uncertain.

I become aware, I see the real impact in life, the injustices in our life.

c’était mon coup gueule du jour 

[jazzcoffeeartcafeofficial]

NEW UPDATES REGARDING LIFE

Okay, so I know I havent been publishing any art and i've been dead quiet, well once like I mentioned before, I have been focused on my life, I have been dealing with so much stress, finding a job, dealing with the puppies, my family struggling with money, so unfortunatly, I have not found a job of what I went to school for, so unfortunately I am going to have to step back. Yesterday, my mom and dad was discussing more financial issues,my dad is already wanting to pawn his rings which my mom says it's a bad idea, everyone in the household is struggling, my brothers needing money, my dad needing to pay his bill but needing to give my older brother money or my younger brother money, needing to buy groceries(Literally been eating just sandwiches). Buying the puppy food and dog food in general.

I saw the frustration in everyone's faces, my mom's face when I asked her if she was okay, her response was, "I want..to scream..." I've been very unlucky to find a job it's been a year and some months without a job..., yesterday I broke down and cried because of everything that's going on, that's coming from someone who loves to motivate people and always stay positive no matter what and a fighter who loves to take on challenges, I don't believe in giving up, that's why I told my mom,

"I know you don't want me working at the Dollar Store/Stores/FastFood but I have no other choice, this is not by choice, I have to...if I had a choice, it wouldn't be fast food obviously... i've applied and even called my old boss from Dairy Queen but he already hired 3 new people during the time I was back and forth with the workforce setting up unnecessary meetings and Manpower not calling me back with anything... and I am not gonna wait until my old boss has another position open....you all need help, you think this isn't impacting me?? I am 27 years old going on 28 this year, time is flying, I have plans for my life.. and I am willing to take on whatever challenges that come to me, just so I can help you.. and help me move on....to live my life...to live where I want to live and still supporting you all in every and any way I can, in the state I want to live. So Mom, please...I know what I am doing...at this rate, I just need something to provide me income..

I am not even gonna be able to pay my bills this month.... literally my 2 credit cards have $2 and $4... and 60 some cents in my bank.... so I am expecting to be hit with an overdraft fee..) And this isn't to guilt trip or make you all donate to me, I just want you all to be aware of my life situation right now.

When I get a job, I am not gonna make the same mistake as I did before, I am gonna focus on what I need, and my savings. Of course I will buy merch every now and then but not as frequent as I was before.

I am adding to my list, something that I've never thought about doing until my heart and brain told me, just now, I want to go for a history degree, i'd like to work at a museum since it's art related...I am telling myself, why didn't i thought of this before???It's something I'd like to work at since it's Art related, it fits me.

So please guys, understand what i am going through. I've still been doing things here and there. And a side note for @xxk3vonicaxx

I know I still owe you $45 for the character, I have not forgotten, and I am happy you don't mind holding the character for me, as soon as I start working (getting a job somewhere) I will begin to pay the rest of the amount for you.

Thank you all for understanding, I am still doing my music, and singing them and doing my art and stories, but I am slow at it.

[rafesgoldrings]

p.s. this is all over the place, i’m so sorry and i’m so sorry for constantly saying “like” I can’t help it

hey i’m just venting bc I have no real friend lmaoooo but today at work, (i work at an assisted living place), my mangers and head people had an meeting with our residents and my manager told me that they said the residents love me and they are going to miss me when I go back to college and just positive things stuff like that.

I was in shock tbh and felt so idk happy, proud idk bc i’ve only been working there since like june 10th so i’m just happy, i’m making them happy ig.

then we have an head manager guy (idk his actual title) but he’s always given me compliments on my work ethic and stuff. he’s super nice and kind as well.

but anyways I just wanted to get that out bc this is like the first time I feel like i’ve done something good in my life. I started tearing up actually bc the residents were genuinely meaning they appreciate me, love me, and love seeing me come in.

like some residents will say “theirs our favorite girl”, “pretty girl”, “we missed you yesterday”, “I appreciate your service”, “thank you for all that you do” and idk if i’ll keep this job forever, I mean I know I won’t bc I need to move on to bigger and better things but stuff like this makes me so idk guilty that i’ll have to leave them soon even tho half won’t even remember me

the whole building is just super nice and I can’t handle all the compliments, I feel almost bad for receiving them especially since i’m pretty new.

like the amount of praise I got today was just so overwhelming and basically it made me feel proud myself but also guilty for some reason

i’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense I just needed to tell someone

thanks for reading or not reading, which is completely fine I just needed to again get that out lmaoo💀

Don’t even worry about saying “like” too many times because I overuse it all the time😭

First off that’s great that in such a short time they already like you that much, that’s huge! It sounds like you do a great job and they really appreciate you for everything you do.

Secondly, I wouldn’t feel guilty about eventually leaving. They would want you to move on to bigger things and do good for yourself! Everyone leaves a job eventually, that’s just a part of life. Think about the positive impact you’d be leaving instead of the guilt of leaving, think about all the good you did and all the smiles you caused. Sometimes that’s enough for a person to get through a rough day, they’ll remember you and your bright personality and even for just a split second it’ll make them feel better.

Sometimes they need a new person to come in and give them a new perspective. I think someone who is obviously so kind and good at their job can make any job easier to get through and you’re that person despite how long you’ve been there. I don’t think half of them will just forget despite how hard that is to believe. I think with how much they like you already, you’ll forever leave them with a profound effect.

Thirdly, I totally get the guilt. It’s hard to think that someone who’s only been there for a short period of time deserves those kinds of compliments compared to someone that’s been working there for years. But it’s also okay to be like “you know what, I work hard and do a damn good job. I deserve to be told that and appreciated from my co workers” because you do! You deserve to have people tell you they’re proud of you, you deserve to be praised for working hard, you deserve to have those sweet words said to you when you walk in for work. Obviously I can’t stop you from feeling guilty because you know…thoughts….but I can say that they wouldn’t praise you that way and talk to other people about you in such a positive light if you didn’t deserve it babe! You’re going to do such good things in life and i’m proud of you for everything you’ve done to get to where you are🫶🏻🫶🏻

[akikocho]

This is my contribution to the HPHM Cardverse AU that is created by @ariparri. Thank you for letting me join hehe.

Without further ado, I'm going to introduce you to the King of Diamonds...

𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭 𝐀𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲

The second son of Bruce and Mabel Avery who were known to be close to the previous King and Queen of Diamonds. Malachi is the younger twin brother of Maya, has an older brother named Jacob Bennett and a little sister named Marigold. As a child, he and his two sisters are often being treated as nothing by their father as he's more focused on his older brother Jacob Bennett as he was chosen to be the next King of Diamonds. His mother is the opposite, Mabel wouldn't let her other children be treated as the forgotten members of the Avery household and would often spend her time teaching her children basic education and other things that they need to learn, especially topics related to business and money making.

Years later, Jacob Bennett ran away from home as he is fed up with his father's "education" and being a King isn't in his dream of becoming to be and telling his feelings to a letter that he left for them before he ran away. This led to an argument between Bruce and Mabel and immediately went for a divorce. Mabel left the Diamond Empire and lives at The Country of Spades bringing Maya and Marigold with her as Bruce kept Malachi as he planned to make him as Jacob's replacement. Malachi couldn't bear to be separated from his sisters Maya and Marigold as they were his very close family members but he believes that one day he'll see her and Marigold again. Malachi also gained hatred towards Jacob for running away and leaving is responsibilities. But after his studies under his father's supervision, he started to realize that being a King of Diamonds will be the only way to be away from his dad.

Another years had passed and the years Malachi endured his father's nonstop teaching, he met Penny Haywood the soon to be Queen of Diamonds before the two became the official monarchs. The two became friends very fast due to their same interest in making the Empire better and some other things that are personal for them to tell to others. The two became the King and Queen of Diamonds months later. Malachi and Penny ruled the Empire as what they wanted to be. The people in the Diamond Empire adored them. Both seen by people as the light and purity of the Empire.

Malachi knows about the Civil War and he knows about Rakepick's tyranny. Rakepick wrote a letter to him stating a sponsorship for the war against the people who rebel against her. Rakepick knew about the Empire's wealth and planned to take advantage of it. The Former Ace of Spades threatened the lad by mentioning his twin sister Maya and older brother Jacob were imprisoned for being against her ruling. Malachi gained suspicion on Rakepick's letter and decided to give her the sponsorship she needed and also anonymously gave the same amount to Veruca McQuaid's rebellion group which she hesitantly accepted the offer.

After the war, Malachi reunited with his siblings as they went back from The Country of Spades to Diamond Empire. He also confronted Jacob non stop which led to them having peace with each other. He and Penny are still actively ruling the Empire and enjoying its lively atmosphere.

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢 𝐀𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲:

• Malachi is known to be kind, caring, friendly, charming, flamboyant, intelligent and creative. He is good at engaging conversations between people and creatures.

• Very well loved by old women in the Empire due to his positive traits that earned him the title as "The Grandson-in-law candidate". (Based on Kaeya from Genshin impact haha)

• He is also very strategic. Always has planned strategies on how to improve someone's business and wealth.

• After he became King, he removed himself from his father's life and won't be able to see him nor interact with him. Due to that, he suddenly felt the feeling of freedom and relaxation.

• He made his twin sister Maya as the Duchess of Avery Manor. (Since I don't think being a Princess would suit her so yeah lol).

• Good friends with the King and Queen of Hearts. He also would like to meet rulers of the other regions one day.

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

Nauxnsuxns finally finished it. It looks rushed tbh T^T. And it's my first time making a moodboard and I think I suck at making one :'D. Also pls do tell me if I made Veruca too OOC or have some things that I missed or did something wrong in the story :')

Maya and possibly Jacob's information will be posted by morning (it's 12 am in my country XD)

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Impact

It's still surprising to me how much one event or one person's behavior can impact me.

This week, I wrote again for the first time in months. New fiction. It was a shorter drought than the last one, and according to the beta readers I sent it to when it was in drafts, it's similar quality to my older stuff, but I was afraid before it came out a couple days ago that I'd never write again...again. Because of one person.

Last year, someone worked through nearly all of my old fictional long form work plus a couple of short stories. And they said they liked them. Lots of praise about them being emotionally evocative; about the characters feeling so real; about them fostering hope and a believe in real love; about me being a talented writer. The five years of writing leading up to that person reading the material during the worst bout of writer's block of my life had been spent letting people read my stuff with J's encouragement to get me over social anxiety and imposter syndrome that's really pretty raging. I was doing better. So much better that when this person gave me that praise, I believed them; I accepted it. It can't be overstated how rare that is. In fact, it may have been the second total time in my LIFE I accepted praise that didn't come from J without questioning it. And then I found out that a LOT of things this person told me over the past few years were lies. Or at least gross exaggerations. On top of them being mercilessly cruel to me at a very vulnerable time, these lies and/or exaggerations started feeding the Imposter Syndrome monster I'd starved for so long. Despite all the progress I'd made and support I have from J and beta readers who have become dear friends, it grew stronger and started telling me that since so much of what this person told me wasn't true, the praise about the writing wasn't either. And because the praise sounded like my actual friends' praise, then maybe that praise was dishonest too. Maybe I shouldn't write even when I can because I'm not any good at it. It's a waste of time. When I sent the drafts to the beta readers, as soon as I hit 'send', all I could think was that I'd just sent them a pile of flaming garbage; the worst thing I'd ever made; why was I letting them even look at it?

And then today, after hearing other people reassure me that my writing doesn't suck, I came here, and saw a friend's post that made me want to respond to it. But I'm afraid to respond to it. Because I don't want this person who lied and hurt me so much to know I'm here. I'm even afraid to privately reach out to the original post creator, because I don't already know them well. I'm afraid they could be connected to this person I don't want to find me.

So this one person has set my progress with Imposter Syndrome back about 5 years, and made me question my talent, and made me afraid to reach out to new people here on tumblr, something that used to be easier for me here than anywhere else. I'm doubting my skills and my safety. Because of this one person.

It's amazing the impact one person can have. I keep trying to tell myself that if one person can have this much negative impact, they can have this much positive impact too. Hopefully I've never made a negative impact like that on another person.

[trials-of-a-spirit-worker]

Yet Another Lesson on Grief

Because it seems like the universe is hellbent on kicking the shit out of me right now...we get another lesson on grief.

Grief doesn't have to come after your loved one dies. Sometimes, you're in a position where it's hopeless and you have to watch the one you love, slowly go.

It can be a long and painful process and there's a whole new uniqueness in grief in this case.

Fortunately and Unfortunately, I'm no stranger to this feeling too. Fortunate for you, because I know how to help you in this case. Unfortunate because I'm literally bracing for the loss of my grandfather, working through tears and forcing myself to stay sober through it.

In these situations, it's better to prepare and accept what's to come. Denial and Grief are not anywhere close to similar despite them often coming together, but denial can act as grief.

What I mean by that is, many people tend to try and convince themselves terminally ill loved ones will get better by some miracle, almost as if they forget what a miracle is.

How rare they are. How it only prolongs suffering and the inevitable. To deny is to forget.

And it's only temporary. Painfully temporary.

But it's so damn easy, which is why so many do it. It's easier to have foolish ideas of hoping for a miracle that everything will undo, or they'll be here longer, rather than to weigh themselves into reality. And I'm talking about where it's at the point of no return inevitable. If there's a chance—a damn good one of your loved one or friend coming back from whatever is ailing them, I truly hope they do recover. But it's still a good idea to brace for it getting worse, because that's always a possibility. Reality is hard. Dealing with the fact someone you love or are close with is dying right in front of you is fucking agony.

Preparing and Accepting is so ridiculously hard. And it's much better to start as soon as you can. Because it's a long process, a long, long, process to even make progress on it and you will find yourself backtracking on it.

You'll call it negative, cruel, stupid to even try and understand the fact that they are going to die. You'll find yourself believing you're harping on the fact and that it's doing nothing but hurting yourself.

It's not. You're just hurting because you care. And that's nothing to be ashamed of. You're preparing because you don't want to lose yourself to sorrow. You're accepting it so you can grieve in a healthier way. Both you and the person leaving you deserve your healthy grieving.

I'm not saying it's going to stop you from bawling your eyes out. Absolutely not. I've had to type this out in parts purely because I was breaking down in-between paragraphs. Although this will help you, it won't make you "stronger" in the sense a lot people think. I doubt you'll be the rock to keep everyone together when it happens, or even have it completely keep you from falling into possible bad habits out of grief. It's not a fix-all in the slightest.

Think of this like a seatbelt in a car crash. You still might be hurt in the end, but you didn't fly out the windshield.

I'm trying to tell you to prepare and accept it because nothing you do, will stop death from coming. Honor the life, honor the time you have left. Honor them. Embrace them. Cherish them.

Do it before you have to let them go. Kill the blow as much as you can. Then when the time does come, and eventually it will.

Let go.

Letting go doesn't mean you don't care. Not in the slightest. Letting go means accepting reality. Letting go means you've acknowledged the impact they had on your life.

Letting go is key to moving forward. For both of you.

Like I said in my previous grief post, the pain never goes away, it just hurts a little less over time. You never stop caring. You never stop loving them. And you shouldn't.

Death can't take your love you had for them. It can only take the body. That is another thing to accept and I found it's far easier to belief that and accept that than anything else.

Grief will come when it wants. But...I truly hope you can work with it and keep moving forward.

And hopefully, in the end....you'll be able to see them again, when your time is said and done.

Also, one last thing. And it's incredibly important:

You don't have to do this alone. In fact, you shouldn't go through this alone. Friends, other loved ones, hell a fucking therapist. Anyone can help you work through this. A lot of the preparing and acceptance is a mental battle and a struggle yes. But I can't tell you how beneficial it is to have someone to hold you through it. To have others talk about fun memories that dying person and all of you shared. To laugh recalling the life you had wit that person. To acknowledge the pain of that coming to an end.

In these cases, the person dying is also grieving too. If you both can handle it, work on healing and accepting together. Never deal with this alone if you can help it.

Be held, scream. Sob, work it out with those you trust. Just don't hold it in and don't suffer alone.

Call HOPE - tel:833-317-4673

Mental Health Hotlines:

It's UP to Us- Hotline tel:8887247240

Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741-741 in the U.S.

Pet Loss and Bereavement Resource Line (855) 352-5683

[asterdeer]

3, 8, 10, 12?

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

haha what fics am i not emotionally attached to, i wouldn't be doing this humiliating hobby if i didn't care about them all a lot. but the two big fics that really started it all, "will your system be all right" for tma/michael shelley and "Perhaps I Had a Wicked Childhood" for steveloki, will always be really special to me. the former is kind of weak and is very clearly a vent fic that i wrote in 30 minutes in a really distressed state of mind and posted with minimal edits, the latter is very..... messy but also kind of kicks ass?? weird unappealing fics that i cherish 💚

8. does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

just one friend i think?? actually i told a friendly acquaintance the other day because they were writing fic for nano and so i said i write fic but literally no other details than that. other than that HELL no

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?

writing fanfic is a NET NEGATIVE to my peace of mind!!!! jk jk jk it's fun and lets me get out fiction-based feelings in a way that isn't screaming in pointless tumblr posts (as much). i like the creative problem-solving of aus and letting myself be a little more shameless about having pointless fun. back when i was writing the first collection of richard maxwell ficlets in 2018 i'm not sure i could have guessed that i'd soon throw taste to the wind and start writing, like, an adventures in odyssey/community crossover fic or literally anything steveloki. wild how quick your walls get broken down once you get a toe down the rabbit hole

12. What’s your perfect environment to create/write?

it's cliche but a coffee shop with no one else around is literally the best place for me to get anything done. "no one else around" is important because of sensory issues. at home and at work it's too easy to give up and dick around on the internet but at a coffee shop i have to worry about people seeing my computer screen as i check tumblr or binge-watch drew gooden videos