#as soon as i stopped identifying as agender

[peri]

ive decided to drop the bigender label. originally i used it dual-wielding being a guy and agender at the same time or at fluctuating times coz i wanted to be perceived a certain way ... but ive decided that ultimately i am just agender, one who would prefer to be treated like a guy socially, but in safe spaces can be agender in peace. i like masc terms still, but i am not too fond of being called a man exactly anymore. guy, dude, boy, husband, boyfriend, etc are all good still though.

i am back to where i was like 3-4 years ago: just some agender guy. i had the right idea.

[elonex]

Don't you realize that male and female are social constructs? They're ideas. Scientists don't even believe biological sex is a thing anymore, we're all just people. Gender is almost like religion, it can change, some people are really sure on theirs and others aren't, forcing someone into one is always wrong. Do you know why you're cis? Do you ever think about the possibility that you're not, about what it would be like to be something other then what you were born as. Would you still feel like a woman if you didn't have a womb, if you didn't have breasts or genitals or estrogen? It was a combination of contemplating these things, and mystical experiences with the goddess Hel that got me to realize I was agender. I thought I would lose certain things when becoming nonbinary and genderless, but I didn't. I don't know about you, but know you can be happy as an enby or a boy, you can be loved, and cherished and comforted as an enby or as a boy. I don't know if you're nonbinary like I am. You might find you really do identify with womanhood, but if you do really want to be a woman, then know that that's the same feeling amab women have. I know what it's like to think the way you do, I used to think that way, and I've had bad experiences with men and with the expectations society has for people with bodies like mine. But you don't have to take your pain and call it womanhood.

Lmao, stopped reading at first sentence.😂😂😂

Get help soon.

[gncmaya]

I’ve been lurking on radblr for a few months and I finally decided to make a radfem blog so I can reblog stuff without getting harassed for terf thought crimes and connect with other radfems.

I peaked on accident. I just so happened to come across a radfem blog while I was in the middle of trying to come to terms with my then-conflicted feelings about my gender. I ID’d as nonbinary/agender for a few years in high school because I hated (and still do, tbh) femininity and I didn’t “feel” like a woman. I never wore makeup or dresses/skirts, dressed for comfort rather than fashion, had short hair, hated my breasts and the fact that I was capable of getting pregnant, had “traditionally male” interests like math/science and video games, etc etc etc. I genuinely felt disconnected from the concept of girlhood. Using they/them pronouns felt nice for the first few months, but all it really did was make me even more uncomfortable with being referred to as a girl. My friends were supportive, but my constant focus on my gender and what pronouns people used for me and how I was presenting myself was just making me feel worse and more insecure. I stopped IDing as nb near the end of high school, but I still didn’t feel comfortable calling myself a woman, and my “gender identity” existed in a limbo state of not being cis or trans all throughout my undergrad.

I wished I could call myself a woman because I’m “AFAB” (though I was also too scared to admit it at first), but I knew that of any reason someone could identify as a woman, that was the one reason you weren’t allowed to have. And I knew the ~evil fascist terfs~ were the only ones saying “yes, it’s okay that you’re woman just because of your sex, no special ‘woman feelings’ required” so I decided to stick around to read through that radfem’s blog. It was hate reading at first, yeah, the blatant transphobia (aka calling transwomen male lmao) pissed me off and I didn’t understand where all the hate was coming from. 

But there was this sinking feeling in my chest that kept me coming back to her blog (and soon after, as many other radfem blogs as I could find) even after I clicked off in anger again and again. Because the more I looked into radical feminism, the more I saw other beliefs of radical feminists: anti-porn, anti-prostitution, anti-makeup, anti-patriarchal religion — things I already agreed with but never felt like I could voice in libfem spaces — and I thought to myself “finally, this is where the real feminists are.” I realized I had been lied to about what radfems believed, and just never… looked into it myself.

Radfems were making so much sense, but I didn’t want to be transphobic. I was told being gender critical was actually horrible, but no, it was exactly what I thought it was. The only reason it’s a Bad Opinion is because it’s incompatible with trans ideology. I looked for a libfem/trans-approved definition of woman only to realize… there wasn’t one. It’s just circular logic and references to this nebulous, ever-changing “woman feeling” that can’t be explained. It doesn’t make sense, none of it. 

I’m still struggling with the guilt of being ~transphobic~ but I can’t rationalize gender ideology any more and I can’t ignore the harm they’re doing to women and the LGB community. I’m so glad I found radical feminism. Letting myself finally say that I’m a woman because I’m female is so freeing. Like a weight has been lifted off my chest and I can stop forcing myself to ignore this huge amount of cognitive dissonance. There’s nothing I have to do or think or feel or wear — I just am. 

I am a woman.

[ananapanini]

Harold, They’re Lesbians (LGBTQ+ states hc list)

Will be adding to this throughout pride month till we’ve got everyone on it

FTM trans + Bi CDC

He has the vibes

I want the science boy to deck someone who says gender identities aren’t real

He would’ve only gotten top surgery because he’s Busy and doesn’t care enough to fully transition

But all trans people don’t have to get all their surgeries, he’s happy where he is and that’s all that matters

Genderfluid + Gay Wisconsin

Poor cheesehead has no idea what’s happening

They’ll think they’ve figured out what they’re identifying as but then-

ope no never mind, she feels better at a girl

Fuck- wait no he’s a dude

Someone help the boi, he’s Midwestern with limited knowledge on this, he doesn’t understand-

Florida.

He (they? She? Xe?) doesn’t know what his gender is and he doesn’t care

All he knows is that he’s not cis but? Kinda still fine with he/him?

He’s attracted to,, humans? But specific? But not?

He likes People and has a Body, and isn’t gonna bother looking into it further

Is he bi? Pan? Omni? Trans? Genderfluid? Enby? W h o knows? Definitely not him, and he won’t know any time soon because he doesn’t care to find out

And that’s okay

Florida doesn’t have to know, he’s happy where he is

Was this projection? Mayhaps but I’m a rare actually-born-here Floridian so it’s practically canon

Demiboy + Ace Biromantic California

Because he has the vibes

You can’t tell me he doesn’t

Agender + Demi DC

Xe/xem specifically because @s-e-v-e-n-24 has spoiled me

Xe just need to have a good sturdy connection and then maybe xe’ll do somthing

But that would require the person to take the time to build a relationship with DC

So xyr alone

For now

CisF + Aromantic Pansexual IDC

She would like to pass on the romance thing

It’s a vibe tho

The non-ace aro representation that we need ™

Watch her have a QPR and it be so wholesome

Best friends

I vote Canada

Nonbianary + Gay Wyoming

They/them

But they’re closeted because they don’t like the others all in their business

They might tell One important person to them (best friend? A love interest? Who knows)

Genderflux + Pan New Hampshire

They are here to do whatever the hell they feel like

And you can’t stop them

[x-waiting-for-my-rainbow-x]

Does fluctating dysphoria makes me genderfluid?

This is a question to everyone of the trans and/or genderqueer community, who is willing to answer. I am describing my own experience as a person, who is questioning their gender identity and with genderdysphoria. In order to do so, I am mentioning and talking about certain topics, that might be triggering to some people. Please, be careful. Don’t read this if it might cause any negative feelings or stop reading as soon as you feel overwhelmed etc. 

If my wording is in any way disrespectful, please tell me and I will change it as soon as possible. I am willing to learn and improve.

TW: genderdysphoria, bodydysphoria

I started questioning my own gender identity almost a year ago and I have been using they/them pronouns around a few friends now but are still mostly closeted. And despite of the fact, that I feel quite comfortable with the label nonbinary there is something bothering me. 

There are days I feel very dysphoric, on some of them I wish to be nearer to the opposite sex, on some of them none of the binary identities feels right. (Disclaimer: I have never/ hardly ever experienced bottom dysphoria and I don’t want bottom surgery.) But I also have days, where I don’t feel dysphoric at all. This does not automatically mean that I identify as the gender asigned at birth on these days, but my appearance does not cause any discomfort and I don’t mind the prounouns, that are typically used for my agab. And then there are days, where I feel uncomfortable expressing as the opposite gender. These days can be very stressful to me, because I feel like I am faking it on the other days. 

I still have not thought about calling myself genderfluid because I never feel like I am on the two binary ends of the spectrum, especially not the opposite of my agab. I might find myself nearer to my assigned gender at birth but I don’t think 100 %.

For example the most femme I feel would be demigirl and the most masc demiboy. Most of the time I would be pretty much in the middle. And on really rare days, I could not find me anywhere. Everything felt wrong. This might be also caused by the fact, that there is no passing as nonbinary.

Long story short: everything is very confusing and frustrating. However, my main questions are:

Is it possible, that the intensity of my dysphoria changes despite of my gender identity being stable/non-fluid?

Or does the fact that my dysphoria fluctates make me automatically some kind of genderfluid? 

Like am I actually my assigned gender at birth on a day without dysphoria, on which I actually feel comfortable expressing as agab or is it simply a day without dysphoria? 

And is there a word for someone fluctating between the different nonbinary gender identities (demi, bigender, agender,...) ?

I'd be so grateful for any answer.

-Storm, they/them

[thegallicwitch]

Hello, wild ones! I’m Mako, a druid and home witch (which is what I call my blend of green and kitchen witchcraft) and a follower of the Gaulish pantheon and culture. I’m French, I identify as agender (they/them) and I have a physical disability that severely impacts my walking. I frequently use crutches, as well as a wheelchair, I take strong painkillers and medical morphine to manage the chronic pain that comes with the territory and I’m bedridden several times a month. All of that has an impact on my practice and that’s why I’m well-versed in pain spells and rituals, as well as studying herbalism and beginning to work as a natural healer, because I know debilitating pain all too well.

I follow the traditions and knowledge of my country and the witches of my community. I have so much to learn still, and I want to share French witchcraft practices with the rest of the world and bring a piece of the world back into my practice. I hope you’ll follow along with me. I thought, to start things out, I’d fill a few questions from the Witchy Tag and tag a few of my favorite tumblr witches so you can get to know me and hopefully I can meet a few of you this way! 

If you’d like to find me elsewhere, I’m The Gallic Witch everywhere. I have an Instagram for daily practices, rituals and the like, a TikTok for more specific magickal projects and herbalism, and a youtube channel where I share in depth rituals and spells, talk about the Gaulish culture and deities, discuss the community here in France and what I’ve been taught, etc. I also have an Instagram for the Gaulish-inspired tarot deck I’m creating, the Tarot of Belisama, which you can find here as I share sneak-peeks and cards as I draw them. I hope to see you there soon! BELISAMA BLESS YOU ✨

1. what kind of witch are you?

I am a home witch, mainly, which is what I call being both a green witch and a kitchen witch. In a way, I suppose I’m mostly a French witch, given that my craft and practice is heavily influenced by local tradition and knowledge.

But in my daily practice, I follow the Druidic Path and I’m working with the Gaulish way of life and beliefs.

2. how did you discover your path?

My grandmother was a botanist, so when I was little, she would take my sister and me on long hikes and show us all the plants, one by one, teaching us the latin names and their medical properties. I took to it instantly, but distanced myself when she passed away in a misguided attempt at healing. I grew up around women in my community who would brew herbal remedies, cook you a cream or a poultrice for your break outs or your sprained ankle, people who could take away the fire from a burn or long day in the sun just with a hovering of the hand. Little by little, I learned from them, learned the way of the French witches who work for the community and not for themselves. I admired them, still do, but never thought I could be one of them, as what I was being initiated in was much closer to herbalism and being a Druid than a witch. Then I found Annie’s youtube channel, THE GREEN WITCH, and I just watched and watched, without being able to stop. I felt such a connection with her videos and her path, so I did my research, and finally started seriously studying magic, for about a year, before I even dared calling myself a witch. I wanted to have the knowledge to back that up, you know? And two years after, here I am, with knowledge and some more confident, branching out from my Druidic path and adding witchcraft to my practice for a year now!

3. how long have you been practicing?

If you count the Druidic/herbalism stuff, for roughly half of my life, so like then years, but witchcraft proper, two years.

4. what path/tradition do you follow?

Druidic teachings and Gaulish tradition/deities & French witchcraft, mainly herbalism. I consider myself a healer and a Druid even before being a witch. I want to make a living out of healing people. I follow the tradition of rural France, somewhere between the communities of the Black Mountain, the land Corbières-Minervois and Burgundy.

5. are you solitary or do you have a coven?

Currently solitary but I hope to find and join a Druidic circle one day.

7. do/would you teach and practice witchcraft to your children?

I don’t want children, but on principle, yes, absolutely. I think it’s an essential part of teaching them about the world and giving them the tools to be self-sufficient and healers too.

8. do you have a patron/matron deity?

I don’t use the words patron and matron because they don’t represent or apply to my believes, but purely from their meaning, they would be Belisama, Epona and Brig (or Brigid, she has different names depending on the Celtic nation you’re a part of).

9. favorite pantheon?

Egyptian. All the way. But it’s more of a remnant of childhood than what my faith aligns with today.

10. favorite goddess?

Hard one. Either Epona or Damona from the Gaulish pantheon or 嫦娥.

11. favorite god?

Thot, the scribe from the Egyptian.

12 and 13 are skipped since I don’t believe in astrology.

15. thoughts on the afterlife?

I believe in reincarnation like all Gauls but I don’t believe in Heaven or an afterlife as in, a place you end up after your life.

17. are you out of the broom closet? if so, how do your friends/family feel about your path?

I hate that expression with a passion. I’m LGBTQ+, and I find it incredibly offensive. In regards to the question itself, my family and friends do know I practice witchcraft, and no one cares. My sister and friends are very supportive, they actively want my opinion or my help depending on the circumstances. My mom finds it interesting, but she’s more into me being a healer, since my grandmother was her mom. She helps a lot with the herbalism side, and teaches me things and we do our mixes together. Even my dad who’s not interested, drinks my herbal teas and doesn’t mind me putting talismans and protection charms all over our home, smudging and doing spells and rituals.

19. do you have an altar?

I do, yes. Not just one, in fact. I have a main one for spells and rituals and just, general practice. I have one for my Ancestors and deities. And I have a portable one that I use to mix my herbal teas and make my remedies, as well as do divination.

20. what’s a spell that you’ve done?

Lately? A money spell for my mom.

22. favorite pagan holiday that you celebrate?

I love Chandeleur, the French version of Imbolc. And because spring is my favorite season and the best time of the year for me mentally and physically, I also adore Beltane.

26. favorite witch websites?

Absolutely WITCH UNIVERSITY. I learned a lot of things there. Also Wildera, a fellow French pagan. And I follow a lot of witches and celtic pagans on tumblr and tiktok, learning a lot from them.

29. favorite season?

Spring and Winter, in equal parts.

30. favorite herb?

Lavender. Or maybe rosemary.

31. favorite gem?

Amethyst. And lapis-lazuli.

38. your grimoire.

The original question was about a book of shadow but I’m not a wiccan and I don’t use that term, so here’s my grimoire. I handmade it, from stitching the pages to crafting the cover, bookmark and decorations. I love it, I put so much intention and love into it.

39. your tarot deck(s) (or one you want).

The first picture is of my first tarot deck and still my favourite, the Dishonored deck. It’s the one I use the most, still.

The second is the Prism Tarot, which is the last deck I bought (now four decks in total) and has been a project I’ve followed since it was still being drawn, up to supporting the kickstarter and becoming good friends with the creator, Liz, as I started making my own tarot deck. I highly recommend it, it’s an amazing piece of a art and an amazing magickal tool.

And I’m gonna tag some of my favourite tumblr witches in case they haven’t done this before:  @heatherwitch @grandmaveitch @gardenfoxywitch @herbwicc @greenwitchofwonderland @a-green-witch @boiledwheatblog  @thatsunflowerwitch @kitchenwitchtingss @queerkitchenwitch​ @coffeewitchcafe​ @servantofthefates​

[frightgothcar]

Is it okay to ask for advice? Is it normal that I like .. when I see a character I feel their gender? like if I see a cute girl I’ll be like “I feel so much like a girl rn she/her are the best pronouns I’m so cute” but then I could easily turn around and see a boy and go “me I feel so he/they rn I feel like a boy and I’m happy abt it” like what does this mean... I’m rlly confused bc I feel like my pronouns and feeling on my gender change so much.. like I will feel really wlw at one time then mlm at the next and I want to embrace both but it won’t make sense to people... am I not rlly trans? obviously this isn’t the only reason I think I’m trans I’m just saying that this is rlly confusing me idk if anyone else experiences this.. it’s like I want to be all of these genders at once .. I feel like a different person! it doesn’t make any sense .. what is happening? it’s like I don’t have a solid grasp on my identity it just changes with these characters and I make these characters into my identity unconsciously and I can’t help it?? idk if that makes sense I will use a character as an icon and I’m like .. this is gender ... this is me... and it’s not that I relate to the characters at all I really feel different a different person and that it’s always changing so idk who I am?

Ofc you can ask for advice! Needless to say, gender is a complicated beast, but it isn't this whole concrete thing folks make it out to be.

To make that more clear, even in the trans community people tend to think of gender in boxes. Male, female, even if they're accepting of nonbinary people, it's just more familiar to add a third box rather than changing your perspective on gender as a whole. But, it really is more of a spectrum, and sometimes you might move around on that spectrum.

Personally I'm not nonbinary, or genderfluid in any sense, so I can't speak from experience here and I can't say that this speaks to everyone's, or even anyone's experiences, but from my understanding what you're describing sounds like genderfluid (or bigender, or a whole plethora of nonbinary identities). Our understanding of gender paints it as though it's some concrete thing, you sign up for something and you stick with it your whole life, and for some people that's right, but it isn't bad for your identity to grow and change as you do.

Relating to fictional characters was a really huge step for me early in my questioning days and early on. In order to understand myself and my identity I found it easier to go through a conduit, a lot of people do. It's normal to do that, it's healthy to use fiction to work through things, to try things out.

But all that aside, what you're going through is just plain questioning. It's normal, and you're gonna be just fine, you aren't "faking" anything you aren't "lying" to anyone, you're exploring your gender and it's confusing, as gender often is. The trick is to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable. You like she/her pronouns today, awesome, we'll use she/her! He/they right now? Easy peasy, let me correct myself real quick. Changing the words to how you identify does not invalidate you as trans. Who you are isn't really changing, how you understand yourself is, and that's a beautiful thing!

What will make this better for you is time, which I know is a really frustrating answer but bear with me here. It's normal to not understand your identity, especially as a teenager (I'm assuming cuz you're following me you're a teenager?? sorry if you're not lol), gender or otherwise. Try out different things! Don't be afraid to switch labels if one doesn't fit or stops fitting. You'll figure it out, you will!!

What you need to be a real trans person is to identify as trans, as in identify as a gender different from your gender assigned at birth. My advice is to take off everything. Don't think of yourself as cis or trans or your agab or a comfort character, try and think about just plain you. How do you feel outside of all that? Getting a better grasp on that will help you with your gender, it certainly helped me :)

And remember that no matter where you end up, if you decide you're nonbinary, bigender, agender, genderfluid, binary trans, or even cis, your experiences are valid. Maybe you're into doing gender more as a costume or performance, like when people do drag. Try it out!

Right now you are figuring out who you are. Don't sweat it, it will come to you over time. Nothing you're feeling or doing is abnormal or weird or bad, you're just growing, and you'll come out the other side better for it.

I hope this all makes sense, it's late and I'm tired and ramble-y and I'm not sure this all makes sense, I just want you to know anon, it's gonna be okay. Seriously, you're gonna be fine, the distress you're feeling now will go away, you just need time and whatnot. Feel free to send in another ask or dm me or whatever you need to do if you've got anything else to ask or to talk about, I'll do my best! Also in the morning I'll rb this post with the @s of some enby, genderfluid, just people who are much more well spoken and knowledgeable in this than I am so you can get some other perspectives and shit.

just wantecd to get this posted asap so again, sorry if this isnt clear or anything, i'll be happy to clarify however you need. i hope you have a good night/day/afternoon/evening whatever timezone youre in. im gonna go to bed now but i /should/ be back on early tomorrow morning. no real gurantee tho sorry haha. but i will answer your asks as soon as i can i prommy

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

One More Post To Say That I Will Post Again On November or December...and other stuff I want to say.

this will be the last post until November or December.

once again, the only reason why I had posted earlier today

was because of the two reasons...

because of that toxic-religious person.

and to show the link to save Owl House

which is this link here https://www.change.org/p/disney-don-t-cancel-the-owl-house-diversity-is-important-give-us-season-4

anyway I’m getting back to hiatus and post again in a few months.

if anyone who sees this is a fan of Owl House,

please make sure to check out the link that has to do with needing to save it and needing a Season 4.

and ya know even if Nickelodeon has a Spongebob problem...

(but it isn’t the first to have a talking sponge, the one from Chip and Dale’s Rescue Rangers that I watched on DVD...was the first talking square sponge.)

it might be better if it ends up showing Owl House instead...

I did suggest Cartoon Network, but even if it did show a great show like Steven Universe and even Steven Universe Future that I and a few other fans like.

if some rumors are true, then it might be best that Nickelodeon shows Owl House, and maybe stop doing that broken marathon of Spongebob.

once in a while Spongebob is okay, but like I said before I was at my limit and started to have some dark thoughts.

thoughts of wanting to hurt myself, I didn’t go through with it.

it’s just I was in the kitchen and saw the butter knife and I had to get away from where Spongebob was showing on TV.

I’m doing much better since that happen, but I just wish it would stop already.

you can’t really call it a marathon if it shows the same episode over and over.

and I don’t want to tell my family about those bad thoughts that started to happen because of having to put up with Spongebob.

and I doubt that those who run Nickelodeon

(who also disrespected the last wishes of Spongebob’s creator)

will even stop the show any time soon, even if it still has some good shows to watch and even if it does end up having Owl House.

which might not be likely, and it is just wishful thinking...

I can just hope it is true that FNAF has a new adoptive parent,

after the incident.  

I still freaking hate the person who started it,

it’s not Scott’s fault he trusted two-face lying shisno 

who tricked him into believing that she was for LGBT

but it was really just a trick to get peoples trust.

and even if I don’t really favor Trump,

and only half of my family shows favor for him. 

but when people bring that whole Like or Dislike Fight of Trump or any other people who run things.........and it affects FNAF...it sucks.

and yeah there is that whole FNAF Community Vs Twitter,

but we can’t say that everyone in Twitter had a part of it,

only the ones who believed Scott did that stuff on purpose,

and he had to retire to keep his family safe and because of what those two-faced shisno caused by having some people turn on him.

  even if you got your whole like or dislike of Trump or any other person who runs for power and end up lying about being for LGBT

and yeah Scott was fooled by a woman, like it showed in a Youtube Video.

and he had to choose the lesser of evils, and if he knew that his donations were going to two faced shisno, he would of possibly not let it happen.

  also besides checking out the petition to save Owl House,

I still hope some check out that link too.

but please check out this video that talks about the whole incident

that has to do with FNAF’s original creator.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmrtnEzxEzM

please actually the full video, I think if it isn’t watched fully

there can be still a chance that people can misinterpret

if they only hear the bad mistakes Scott did without meaning for it to turn out like it did in the here and now.

I’m Semi-Misanthrope, but I know that not all humans are bad.

but I just want to hope that those that were the source of what happen to Scott

that got everyone mad at him, will get karma for it.

I do have my doubts that this will be seen right away.

but I hope that some will at least check out the link

that has to do with Owl House.

I wouldn’t of had to post again for a very long while,

if it weren’t for me finding out about that Toxic-Religious Girl

and her video that I haven’t fully watched

but I will try to do so later.....

as well as me wanting to show the link to the petition for Owl House.

I still freaking hate her,

and I don't like it that people have been misgendering Raine Whispers.

I mean no matter if Raine's bio-gender is Male or Female,

they are Nonbinary and will go by They/Them.

even if I do decide to go by Feminine-Nonbinary instead of Gyno-Agender because of my being in a Chrysalis stage, I still want to go by She/Her.

not all Nonbinary will be the same, some will still go by She/Her or He/Him.

also even if that Toxic-Religious Girl has that view,

about the whole only Men and Women should be together,

she needs to understand that some Male and Females born,

will end up being Intersex and the ones who aren’t notice to be so,

will be lucky not to be notice because if they did get notice

and they are in one of those families that will have the doctor “fix” them.

that is taking away the choice, and I am still not sure if I am Intersex

even if my body does make me suspect it, even if it didn’t turn up until after I lost so much weight after the depression I was having because of what was going on at home.

if there is ever a home blood test to show a person if they are Intersex or not,

I would like to take such a test, but for now I can just be okay with the blood test

to see what blood type I am, the last successful test showed

that my blood is O RH D Negative but we are going to extra check it

to see if it comes out the same.

I don’t think it’s fair that doctors wont check what blood type you are

unless you are going to have surgery, so finding out about the whole home blood test to see what type you are, is a blessing.

so it be nice if there was another type of blood test

to see if a person who is unsure if they are Intersex or not.

if if does turn out I’m Intersex, I guess I would end up identifying

as Feminine-Nonbinary/Intersex.

there can be those who are born biologically female or male

but at the same time be intersex too.

I hope someday there will be a type of home intersex blood test

and not just the blood type home test.

it might give me some peace of mind to finally get a confirmation.

anyway I hope this will be the very last post I put on here

at least until either November or December.

until then I can just check out stuff on here and send asks

or reply to messages when I can.

if you are a fan of both Owl House and FNAF,

please make sure to check out the two links. 

see ya later and stay safe.  

[chelledoggo]

Coming Clean

The past few days for me have been...eventful, to say the least.

But it's a new day, I've cooled down from the panic, and am ready to make my final, no-BS statement on this whole controversy. I feel like it needs to be done, and a few tweets on the subject isn't enough.

CW: Transphobia, Ableism, Suicide, Anxiety, Panic attacks, Depression, Rape and Murder mentions

On Sunday, July 12, 2020, I made a meme and posted it to Twitter. Essentially, the meme was comparing issues of mainstream trans and nonbinary people (being killed, being raped, being made fun of, being denied health care under Trump, etc...) to the online xenogender community, a community which I had not previously properly educated myself on.

Xenogenders, as I understand now, are gender identities that are used by some people, typically neurodivergent people, because they feel that these terms describe their gender identity better than the predetermined labels that are more commonly used. (cis, trans, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, etc.) These identities are often based on unconventional factors, such as aesthetics, creatures, mythical beings, natural phenomena, and so on, and often use pronouns specially coined to compliment them.

In the meme, I depicted a very unflattering stereotype of xenogender youth, and used some tasteless terminology to describe how they present their developed gender identity to the world.

I won't bullshit you anymore. Here is the meme. (CW for Transphobia and Ableism; Rape and Murder mentions)

I posted it to Twitter, closed out, and took a nap. I didn't expect much to come out of it except for a few likes and retweets. I was obviously very wrong.

When I woke up and pulled up Twitter again, I was greeted to my notifications being flooded with replies upset by what I'd posted. Many of them were calling me out for ableism and transphobia. Some of them were just flinging insults and mocking me for my age/appearance/etc. Some of them were just fancams.

I'd finally seen the true impact of my actions.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a fear of angering others or becoming hateful and ignorant. I would never want to intentionally hurt innocent people, especially those of marginalized groups such as the trans and nonbinary communities. And as someone who is neurodivergent herself, I certainly wouldn't want to be willfully ableist. I've faced ableism in one form or another for my entire life.

People could also tell you that for pretty much my entire life, I've suffered with mental illnesses. I've been professionally diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder, PTSD, and bipolar disorder. As such, I'm prone to panic attacks, outbursts, and suicidal ideation when under extreme distress.

As soon as I saw all the anger and hurt I'd caused, I started spiraling into a severe panic attack. I didn't realize how much this meant to a lot of people. A lot of young, neurodivergent people.

I felt like the scum of the earth. I fucked up, just like I've fucked up and made people hate me so many times before in the past. This is my life. Acting without thinking, and then unintentionally hurting people.

I immediately deleted the tweet and made an admittedly hasty apology.

When I'm in this state, however, I don't think clearly. My immediate reaction was that I was just too much of a fuck-up to go on living. I made a tweet saying I wanted to kill myself without any thought as to how that might be interpreted as guilt-tripping after I fucked up instead of taking responsibility.

Again, I was called out on it. So I deleted my suicidal tweets, too.

I then started posting tweet after tweet after tweet claiming that I was sorry and wanted to “be better.” But this barrage of tweets, as sincere as I thought they were at the time, came off as shallow damage control.

Once again, I was called out on this.

The next day, I tried once again to make a no-bullshit apology. I stated in plain english that I was indeed transphobic, ableist, and 100% in the wrong to make that meme, and that, while I still didn't fully understand xenogender identities, I would be respectful of them from now on.

There were plenty of people who were glad I apologized and learned from my mistakes, and I honestly felt a lot better for it.

I was hoping this would just be a fresh start, and things could slowly go back to normal for me and my friends.

However, there were also people angry at me for “bending the knee,” as they put it. I hid their replies to my apology because some of them (not all of them) were friends of mine, and I didn't want them getting attacked.

Some of my friends took this as “throwing them under the bus,” and were angry at me for it. A few of them decided they didn't want to be my friends anymore.

My friends, whether I agree with them on everything or not, mean a lot to me. They are really the only emotional support I have. I suffer from abandonment issues and my mental illness symptoms spike whenever I lose people I consider close friends.

So I lashed out at them for not respecting my decisions. I felt like they didn't really care about my mental health or my emotional wellbeing. I was hurt. Hurt just like I hurt everyone with the meme that started this whole nightmare.

I then, once again, started posting suicidal tweets. I talked about wanting to “chug a bottle of pills” and “go out like etika.” I actually attempted to strangle myself with a bathrobe belt. But, of course, I'm an all-talk-no-action coward when it comes to suicide.

After this, something just kind of fizzled out inside of me. I came to the conclusion that as much as I wanted to just make everyone happy, I couldn't. I couldn't make everyone believe that I was sorry, and I couldn't make everyone stop seeing me as just someone who wanted to “bend the knee” to avoid backlash.

So I was done. I gave up. I didn't care anymore. I was numb.

I made one last series of tweets stating just that, announced I was taking a break from twitter to heal, privated my account, and left. (I also made a tweet asking for people to report the person who screenshotted my meme and got people on me, but then I got called out for targeting a minor, and deleted this tweet as well.)

That brings us to right now.

I decided that I needed to really sit down, gather up all my thoughts, and recount the entire series of events. I just want everything that happened, including my words and actions, to be understood.

I'm not a bad person. I'm not an ableist or a transphobe. But I am a human. A human who makes mistakes. And when I make mistakes, I want to learn and do right by the people I've hurt.

I'm also a person with an extremely fragile mental and emotional state. A person who doesn't think clearly under pressure. A person who's had to put up with a lifetime of feeling like a failure who should honestly just cease to exist.

The bottom line here is this: I've gone through the suffering that I needed to go through. I realized the consequences of my ignorance. I've tried and am still trying my best to do right by everyone. I need to get this thing off my chest, confess to my sins, and finally let this whole thing go. So I can heal. So that everyone I hurt and everyone who got caught up in this can heal.

I would be lying if I said I completely understood xenogenders at this point. I probably never will. But I don't need to understand. I just need to be respectful. Because at the end of the day, no one's hurting anyone by identifying with a xenogender identity. They're just people trying to find themselves, just like I am. Who the hell am I to put them down? I'm neurodivergent. I've been young. I should know better.

I sincerely apologize to the xenogender community, to the LGBT+ community, to my friends, and to everyone that got caught up in this.

I love you all.

TL;DR: Made a shitty meme. Didn't do my research on xenogenders. Was ableist/transphobic. Had a severe mental health breakdown. Alienated everyone. Am genuinely sorry.

NOTE: At the time of posting this, my Twitter is still on private, and I’m afraid to unprivate it just yet. I would appreciate it if my friends could share this so it can get out there.

[falloutstasis]

Third Semester

summary: its all fun and games until you sense evil within a scary looking professor named viper. takes place during season 3!

“Rip!” Chazz yelled out, catching Ripley off her tracks. He saw her bringing her belongings on her way to the Obelisk Blue Dorm. The weird part was he knew that she was well on her way to the Obelisk Blue ranks because of the Promotion Duels a few days ago, but she was heading towards the boy’s dorm.

“Wrong dorm.” He said, pointing across the lake behind him. “You should be heading over there.”

“Uh, no. I’m in the right dorm.” Ripley let out a nervous laugh. Oh boy, she was going to tell him about it wasn’t she?

He squinted his eyes at her with a frown. “You look like you have something to hide.”

“Ha, ha. No, I don’t.” As she said this, she tucked the handles to her backpack and she slowly made her way to the door’s of the Obelisk Blue Boy’s Dorm.

“Hey, wait!” Chazz rushed towards her and stopped her when he grabbed her by the shoulder. “What’s the deal? Why don’t you tell me why you're going to the boy’s dorm instead of the girls?”

“Well, you see…” Ripley kicked off the dirt from the ground and placed her hands behind her back. “I talked to Chancellor Shepard and Dr. Crowler about going to the girl’s dorm after I told him that I was...you know…Agender.”

“Oh.” That was all Chazz said, which kind of surprised her. “So you wanted to go to this dorm because you were uncomfortable being in the girls dorm or what?”

“Not really. I don’t identify as a girl or boy, but I feel like I’ll be better suited in the boy’s dorm.” She admitted, still looking at her boots.

“Alright.”

Sensing that he wasn’t going to stop her, Ripley finally had no trouble making her way towards the boy’s dorm. But as soon as she held the handle to the door, Chazz called her again.

“Hey, you got any pronouns?”

Ripley opened the door as she turned to Chazz. “Uh, just she and her. Or Them and They. Whichever of those is fine.”

Finally, with no further questions, she entered into her brand new dorm. But she couldn’t stay there long. There was a prep rally happening in a little bit, so she just had to drop off her belongings in her new room and get the rest of her stuff later.

Duel Academy: Main Classroom 11:00 AM

Rumors were being spread that transfer students were coming to Duel Academy. Hopefully, it doesn’t end like the other transfer, who decided to make a cult out from a dorm. All the students took their seats in the classroom, where everyone was looking at the Chancellor, Dr. Crowler, and Bonaparte. Ra Yellow Professor and head of the Ra Yellow dorm Sartyr and head of the Obelisk Blue Girls Dorm and Duel Academy’s Nurse, Fonda Fontaine were both at the side of the platform, waiting for Chancellor Sheppard to speak.

Ripley sat next to Alexis and Syrus, taking the chance to talk to them before Sheppard spoke to the students.

Ripley felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see Bastion...in an Obelisk Blue uniform.

“Bastion! You’re in Obelisk Blue! That’s so cool!”

“Thank you. Congratulations on being in Obelisk Blue as well. Glad we moved up dorms at the same time.” He raised his fist for a fist bump, in which Ripley gladly gave to him.

“Alright, settle down.” He said, stopping the students from talking further. He talked about being in a brand new year meant being in brand new adventures and possibly brand new friends to meet. After his beginning year speech, Blair Flannigan, a female Slifer Student, began to repeat the academy’s pledge. It confused some of the students, because they didn’t know they had one.

Once she was done, she walked away and gave one look at Jaden to wink at him. It’s safe to say that Alexis caught that because she frowned at her.

“I guess she got over her crush on Chazz.” Syrus carefully stared at Alexis.

“Pardon me, but didn’t she have a crush on Jaden?” Bastion asked.

“She still does.” Ripley chuckled at the sight.

“Now then. As I said, with each new year comes modification and improvement. Here at Duel Academy, we strive on perfection. To keep each of you at the top of your game, we’ve invited a few new students to join you. In fact, they represent the top students from each of our four Duel Academy worldwide branches.”

“Oh, from South, East, North, and West.” Ripley whispered. She did remember that there are four other Duel Academy Schools across the globe. At the very least, Ripley was indeed excited because there are going to be new duelists to face.

“Now it’s time for introductions! Visiting us from all the way to East Academy, Adrian Gecko!”

Adrian Gecko walked out of the left entrance and stood next to Shepard.

“And hailing from West Academy, Axel Brodie!”

Axel Brodie waved at the students before returning to stand next to Adrian, placing his arms behind his back.

“Next, joining us from the South Branch, Jim Crocodile Cook!”

The next thing everyone knew, Jim Crocodile Cook came rushing in the room while he was holding up a crocodile. Even though the students clapped, they were also caught off guard because they didn’t know if the crocodile was real or not.

“Hello, mates!” He cheered.

“And now, leading the pack at North Academy, it’s Jesse Anderson!”

The students clapped, but after a moment of waiting for Jesse Anderson, he didn’t come into the room at all.

“This is awkward.” Dr. Crowler said.

“No. It's just plain rude.” Bonaparte couldn’t believe someone would be so rude to not show up. Especially in front of the Chancellor.

Several minutes later, Jesse managed to open one of the doors that led to the other side of the room, where the students were. He looked like he was out of breath.

“Sorry folks! This school is a lot bigger than ours! I guess I got lost!”

“Hey, I recognize that voice!” Jaden stood up from his seat and waved at Jesse.

“Hey, Jaden! I guess this is that prep rally thing!”

He nodded at him. “Yup! By the way, you see a guy named Jesse?”

“Yeah! Sure did! You’re looking at him!” He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry, I never properly introduced myself. I was so excited to meet you, I just forgot.”

“Ah, don’t worry! I get that alot.”

Chazz rolled his eyes. “Yeah, no kidding.”

“Let’s start over then, shall we?” Sheppard asked, seeing Jesse walking towards him and the other Overseas Champions.

“Joining our school from North Academy, Jesse Anderson!” This time, Jesse responded by waving excitedly at the students as they clapped for him. He felt bad for stalling the rally and making them wait, so the least he could do was at least be here for the rally.

He turned to greet the other students from their respective schools.

“Thanks for wasting everyone's time, pal.” Adrian, of course, was joking. “Just kidding.”

Jesse let out a nervous laugh as Axel stared at him.

“G’day.” Jim said, holding out his hand to shake. “The names Jim. And this,” He pointed at his friend that was hanging around his back. “...is Shirley.”

Shirley responded with a low tone growl that only those standing on the platform can hear.

A professor would soon approach behind Dr. Crowler and Bonaparte, who jumped a bit with his sudden appearance.

“Oh, yes! Last but not least! I like you to meet our visiting professor all the way from West Academy! Say hello to Professor Thelonious Viper!”

The minute Thelonious Viper faced the students of Duel Academy, Ripley’s eyes glowed bright red. To refrain from everyone catching her do this, she crossed her arms and hid her eyes on her arms. Alexis, Syrus, and Bastion all caught her eyes glowing, meaning that something bad was up.

“Hey.” Alexis whispered, lowering her head to be at her level. “Is something wrong, Ripley?”

“That guy.” She had an uneasy feeling about Viper, but she didn’t know what it was. “That guy is bad news. I don’t know what it is.” The reason why she was able to pick up on this terrible energy was because of Draco. That was one of her passing abilities while she was wearing the bracelet. With the amount of times she uses this ability whenever someone evil shows up, it manages to save her, Draco, and her friends.

“Aw man.” Syrus whined. “Just what this school needs, another maniac.”

“And I suppose that ‘there’s a method to my madness’ should be a red flag right?” Bastion asked.

“Clearly.” Alexis responded.

Draco couldn’t tell what was going on with Viper as she flew in front of him, knowing that she wasn’t going to be seen by him. She was just glad that she wasn’t the only one who felt this way. She flew back near Ripley and watched him continue with his speech.

“Now then, why don’t we kick off the year by holding an exhibition match right now.”

Everyone in the room was shocked at the type of duel match he announced, including Chancellor Sheppard. It became a little too rowdy for the professor’s liking.

“Simmer down so I can choose the competitors.” ‘Or should I say victims.’ “We will have a series of four matches. One for each day. When I call your name, I would like you to stand please.”

Viper looked around the students, trying to look for it’s top students of Duel Academy. He looked around for Duel Academy’s top students and when he did, he smiled. “Syrus Truesdale.”

Syrus almost didn’t want to stand up, but against his better judgement, he did anyway.

“You will be facing Axel Brodie.” Axel turned to Syrus, not thinking much of him since he looked scared to duel him.

“Why do I always get the tough looking ones?” Syrus whispered to himself.

Viper turned away, took a few steps to his right to stare at Chazz.

“Chazz Princeton.”

Chazz stood up with a grin on his face. He was hoping to get a duel with Jesse Anderson, since he was a former North Academy duelist himself. He wanted to see what the Crystal Beast deck was all about.

“You will be facing Adrian Gecko.”

Chazz was caught off guard by this, but was more angered at the fact that he was facing another rich kid.

He walked towards the spot he was at moments ago and looked around that side. It was only a mere moment when he stopped and stared at Ripley.

“Ripley Kaiba.”

Right away, Ripley stood up. She was already starting to feel nervous when other students stared at her.

“You will be facing Jim Crocodile Cook. That duel starts tomorrow.”

Jim turned to Ripley and smiled at her. Once again, her nervousness struck her again, quickly looking down at her feet.

‘Draco, he’s looking at me.’

Draco grinned at her. ‘Then stare at him back.’

Ripley’s eyes returned to Jim, who simply waved at her.

“Hey, do you have a crush on this guy?” Alexis giggled. “Love at first sight?”

Ripley turned to Alexis with a mix of panic and anger on her face. “Y-Yeah, right!”

Then for the final two students, he looked right at Jaden.

“Jaden Yuki.”

Jaden quickly stood up with a smile on his face. The other students had already been picked, so he put two and two together quickly.

“You will be facing Jesse Anderson.”

“Sweet! I get to duel Jesse and his Crystal Beast deck!” Jaden cheered.

“Would the chosen students please come in front of the classroom? This goes for the Academy representatives as well.” Viper called and held out these bracelets with a dark blue crystal on it. Since Ripley’s wrist held Draco’s Bracelet, she held out the opposite arm where Viper placed the bracelet around her wrist and did the same with the other duelists.

“What are these?” Jesse asked.

“Just a little welcoming gift.”

‘Or maybe just tell us what you are planning!’ Draco yelled out, floating next to him. She pointed at him and said, ‘We got our eyes on you…’

The bracelet closes around the group’s wrists. The bracelet wasn’t tight around the wrist, just enough for it to not be loose. For some strange reason, she felt a slight bit of warmness around her wrist, but Ripley brushed that off.

“The exhibition duel with Jesse Anderson and Jaden Yuki will begin shortly. And not a minute late.”

Duel Academy: School Hallways 11:19 AM

For some reason, the other students did not get the same bracelet as she and the others did. Viper mentioned before everyone else went to the Duel Field is that it was to test the bracelets to see if they were working. Before she joined her friends to watch Jaden’s duel with Jesse, she had wandered off to the school hallways where she was talking with her Spirit Partner, Kaibaman. This led her to being late to watch the duel, but everyone left to the Duel Field so no one was there to catch her walking in the hallways and notice she was talking to herself. She couldn't care less about getting Viper upset or mad about being late.

“I don’t like this one bit.” Ripley said, her hands are on the pockets of her purple sweater with yellow star patterns. She raised her wrist to her so she could see the bracelet that Viper gave her. Around her wrist, she can still feel the warming sensation that she felt earlier.

“Just be careful around him.” Kaibaman said. “I sense that he has some malevolent energy with him, but it’s faint.”

“Yeah, that’s what Draco picked up too.”

“You know where to find me when you're in trouble.”

“Of course.”

And with that, Kaibaman faded away from Ripley, letting her walk by herself within the hallways. Now, Ripley was trying to find her way back to the Duel Arena so she can meet with her friends to watch Jaden’s duel with Jesse.

When she was about to head out to the entrance she spotted Jaden dueling, with his Elemental Sparkman on his field. She didn’t see Jesse, but she assumed that he had some monsters on his field. Before she was at the doorway, from the corner of her eye, she saw Jim walking her way. Once again, she felt a little nervous.

“Oh, hey!”

Jim waved at her. Once he was near her, he said, “You must be Ripley, right?”

“Uh, yeah!” She said nervously. “Ripley Kaiba! It’s nice to meet you, Jim.”

He held out his hand for the two to shake, in which Ripley accepted, rather a little antsy like. Jim didn’t mind, rather he didn’t make a comment on it.

“This is Shirley.” He pointed to his crocodile friend that was hanging out on his back. Shirley glanced at Ripley’s direction and heard a soft rumble from her. Maybe it was trying to say hello?

“So what were you doing out in the hallway? Your pal Jaden is dueling out there.” He said, looking at the duel Jaden and Jesse were having.

“Yeah, I know.” Ripley said, looking down. It would sound crazy to Jim if she told him that she was talking to a dueling spirit.

“I was just shaking some nerves that’s all. Viper being here kinda made the air a little heavier.” Ripley shuffled her feet a bit before looking back at Jim.

‘Ah, that’s why she’s feelin’ a little nervous.’ “I can see why he would give that kind of energy.”

“So what are you doing here?” She asked with a smile.

He pulled out a small packet of wrapped bandages from his pocket. “I was getting new bandages for my eye.” He said, holding them out for her to see.

“I was looking for the nearest bathroom before I head to the Duel Arena. Do you know where I can find one?”

“Oh!” Ripley looked behind her and said, “I just passed one. Follow me!”

[polyamorouspixie]

I'm now out as enby to three people in my life. Baby steps and all that.

What's interesting is that as I've become more comfortable with identifying as NB, and as people use they/them for me and stop using gendered language at me, I've become a lot more comfortable with my own body. I like it, and as much as if I could change it back and forth on a whim I definitely would make use of all the options, in a world without shape shifting I'm happy with what I've got. I'm happy to talk about ovulation and even menstruation so long as I'm talking about it in ungendered terms. I'm an agender enby who has a vulva and I'm good with that, because I like the things I can do with my body, even the bits society tries to forcibly gender.

And as I push out my brain the nonsense society has shoved in there regarding gender, I've found that I'm attracted to a much wider range of gender expression. I suppose some might call it moving from bisexual to pansexual, though I still prefer bisexual at this time for myself as a label. Part of it is one of the things I'm most attracted to in people is when they're comfortable to show off who they are, even when society tells them that's not who they should be. So there's something about someone's presentation falling outside of social norms that immediately appeals to me, but I've noticed it much more now that I'm really letting go of the gender rules I accidentally absorbed.

I've only got one more of my close people I need to come out to properly before I can feel alright with being completely out within my non-mono social circle, and hopefully I will do that soon.

[a-stitch-in-time-and-space]

Random collection of species gender HCs I decided upon

1. In the future, everyone on earth chooses their gender or lack thereof. There are various cultural concepts tied to choices, but at its core it is simply not a big deal anymore anywhere. Some settlements further out in the federation may have older/disparate concepts about gender.

2. “Doesn’t have the lobes for business” becomes a Ferengi code for being trans-femme. Vice versa a trans-masc might say that they “have the lobes.” A burgeoning business-alternative is developing on the planet, where Ferengis are not gendered for business.

3. Cardassians are fundamentally intersex and decide upon gender via outward appearance (blue mark, makeup, cut of clothing, etc) - unsure whether it’s encouraged for that gender to be binary, but regardless, Garak’s gender-presentation is purposefully a mix of feminine and masculine (his gender is “aging femme fatale”).

4. Humans do still get surgeries when they need their bodies to match their inner gender. It’s a lot rarer though, as there is no social stigma influencing the decision (let me dream). In the future it’s called other things than trans and cis, but for the sake of ease: Trans men, such as Bashir, could carry a baby to term without it affecting his hormone levels/him having to stop T if they wanted to (possibly there’s a much better solution by then). Trans women / trans femmes can also get a uterus.

5. Trill do not have preconceived notions of gender, but they do have their own stigmas.The individual Trill, prior to being chosen or rejected from the programme, is encouraged to have a firm grasp of their own gender, as a strong sense of self is considered good for a host. Therefore questioning/ vaguer forms of self-identity/non-binary presentations and identities are considered reasons for expulsion from the programme. Similar to non-binary people today in the world, they have to pretend to be binary to get to where they want to be. The irony is that once one has become a host, all genders of previous hosts influence ones own gender anyway.

6. This stigma extends beyond the programme, but certain Trills are challenging that - this challenge comes less from host-Trills as they can’t risk rocking the boat for fear of being banished from the home planet

7. Vulcans and Romulans both have similar ideas about gender that veer towards agender and androgynous. They have very little sexual dimorphism and any gender is choice. It’s not looked down on to have a gender, but they will overthink it a lot (for a Vulcan this’ll be because they “want to be logical” about it whereas a Romulan would be “weighing the pros and cons”)

8. Bajorans views on gender are very argued about. Nobody agrees. 50 different faith leaders have the only definitive truth on gender. Entire religious movements revolve around it. Depending on the Kai public opinion swings wildly. WIth Sisko as a religious figure there is a general interest in human views on gender (which out there also swing wildly). Still, one can definitely find community, regardless of how one identifies.

9. Torn on the fact that I know male Klingons carry the family name (and are somewhat regressively monogamous or maybe that’s just Worf?) and that in my heart I want them to view gender-concerns as a trivial thing and don’t overthink it, just do whatever. Sigh. Okay going with the first, and somewhat similar to Ferengi (would Klingons kill me for comparing me to Ferengi? Maybe. Do they deserve it for having regressive gender-concepts? Absolutely) there is a movement in the air and soon Klingons will pull themselves the fuck together and realise only honour and fun matters, let’s be real.

10. Gamma Quadrant Gender? So many. So much. Also none at all. Depends on your species. Get a feeling The Founders are regressive in an opposite way - they don’t understand why Odo would identify with gender. A disgusting, solids concept. Odo’s response is to gender even harder.

[thatfeministchickofficial]

Crypto-POENiSs insincerely identifying as Non-Binary as though Non-Binary genders = gender criticism.

When those who think of themselves as “crypto-terfs” take on nonbinary identities, insincerely, which harms not only women who are trans, but actual nonbinary people as well, (some of whom are trans women too, some of who are not, and are even trans-masc), It is because they are “gender critical,” and therefore see no real harm/difference. Remember that *Different kinds* of “TWERF/TERF” (More properly referred to as POENiSs) exist, and be aware. This is one type. (They *LOVE* trying to play off an insincere “misunderstanding” that somehow we lump every kind of them in as though they all had the same roots for their transmisogyny, let’s make it clear that we can see that there are different species, and have studied them all...) When a “gender critical” POENiS claims to be nonbinary, they do so because they are trying to act like gender isn’t real, and so the label doesn’t matter. They don’t get that being nonbinary is a collection of genders, and think they can just use it to say “OH, I broke your system, what now???” They are not actual nonbinary people. Actual nonbinary people are not intentionally POENiSy, or at least apologize for it when they are made to see that they’ve been transmisogynist. Actual people who are nonbinary actually identify as NOT BEING WOMEN. Some have dicks, some have vaginas. POENiSs taking on the identity insincerely do so because they feel as though they can infiltrate the system, and try to act like nonbinary people think gender is a lie. Actual nonbinary people aren’t “gender critical,” POENiSs are. They believe gender exists, not as a construct for self-identification, but to impose a strict set of rules for vagina-owners in exclusion, and that men live in a gender-free world, and that this is somehow where they’ll find liberation from the shackles that the patriarchy has thrown on those who gender as women by simultaneously being like “I’m not a woman!” and “I’m a woman!”... I understand that every now and then, some of us (women) like to switch back and forth to get like a “which is it?” out of the world of men, like, HELLO, I’m a woman, this is one of the most useful attitudes in some situation for getting what you want from men, like the truth when they think they can play, this isn’t one of those situations... And like, it’s freaking annoying when POENiSs try to use tactics women developed for dealing with men for dealing with other women, like every time it happens, this is the face we make back at you: :|... That deadpan, mouth flat, eyes so wide they could roll out of their sockets, ready to roll back with a *HUGE* sigh as soon as the disbelief that you’d actually think this would work fades enough for the “OH BOY!!!” to come out of our mouths, like...this is one of those times... They think it’ll let them sneak in... They think it’ll prove a point somehow... It’s not genuine, and don’t be fooled. They especially like to try to convince other nonbinary people that they are genuine, and then use that foot in the door to start getting them attacking women who are trans for calling POENiS bullshit out., trying to make them think when we are talking about “Crypto-Terfs” (like this) that we are lumping in actual nonbinary people, when we are not, or that we are referring only to AFAB nonbinary people when we refer to nonbinary people... I don’t get how this has become such a seemingly universal piece of POENiS rhetoric, all the same, the assumption that we are talking exclusively about AFAB NB people when we (women who are trans) say NB... Probably about half of NB people were AMAB, and legit, sometimes it feels like we (women who are trans) are the only ones who get that... Is it possibly because many women who are trans are nonbinary ourselves? (Technically *ALL* trans people are nonbinary according to... *SHOCK* the binary itself...) POENiS rhetoric though, focuses on attempting to frame dysphoria as though it meant that women who are trans actually somehow secretly define womanhood as owning a vagina ourselves, and that when we talk about “Women and Afab people” basically to mean “People who don’t identify as men,” we somehow are trying to say “People who have, or want vaginas...” No, about half of nonbinary folks have or were born with what society arbitrarily calls “penises,” probably about half of nonbinary people want to have “penises” (regardless of being AMAB or AFAB), and women who are trans who have “penises” are great, and women! Women who want to keep their “penises” are great! Women who have no dysphoria at all about their penises are great, and valid! It’s a clit. It’s a fucking clit, everyone has one! What woman wouldn’t want to keep her clit? This is turning into a side note, and that note is that I’m even sick of the “keep your penis/don’t” language, like, if the surgeon is doing it right, we *ALL* “keep” our girl-penises anyway and just get a vagina, like... unless a woman asks to *NOT* have her clit, like... I don’t see why, that seems like self-harm, ok, tho... I don’t even feel like that ever happens, so, let’s change the language... And since I was talking about NB people with dicks (Like this girl), Let’s get back to that... Oh, what? You want me to talk about NB people with pussies? Cool. I’m not gonna do that right now, specifically because it’s what you want, and for me, a huge part of how my femininity expresses itself is in not doing anything just because some dude wants me to. (Dude is gender neutral right? I mean, I don’t agree with that all the time, I feel like it can be pretty loaded the way POENISs use it just in anger to basically say “I’m catching you ‘acting like a man’ and trying to go ‘bad dog!’ in order to push you back to ‘acting like a woman,’ (<-WTF do either of these even mean, like... if you’re gonna use “dude” like that, you gotta explain these two things to me. Explain it like I’m 5, please...) Anyway, be leary of any person claiming to be “nonbinary,” and “gender critical” at the same time. Actual nonbinary people aren’t “gender critical,” because *SHOCK* all of them who aren’t agender... HAVE GENDER! Frequently these “crypto-terfs,” and really POENiSs in general, act as though they believe “non-binary” is in and of itself a gender, and not a broad collection of a spectrum of countess genders, as it is, and for all I know, it’s cause they actually don’t know better... This is *ACTUALLY* kind of useful as a red-flag... They act like “nonbinary” means “I have ‘liberated’ myself from gender!” and not “I FOUND MY GENDER AND IT’S NOT ON THIS EITHER/OR BULLSHIT, THAT DOESN’T FIT MY LIFE, AND I’M ELATED!!!” Gender isn’t oppressive, *shouldn’t *be*, or *feel** oppressive. Gender is LIBERATING, *SHOULD *BE* *AND* *FEEL** liberating... LIke, this is the whole idea of being trans... We felt (and were *BEING*) oppressed by being *FORCED* into identifying and expressing ourselves with a gender we *DON’T* identify with, we feel *LIBERATED* being finally *FREE* to identify and express ourselves as the gender we actually experience and identify with and wish to express, like... OMG, this is not a difficult concept, and if you actually *WERE* nonbinary, you would get that. You would have found your freedom in the honest identification, and stopped feeling like you gotta fuck with us. Or *ARE* you actually nonbinary? I know I’m making a “woman trap” right now, it’s intentional that I didn’t back away from it, cause it’s being myself, and I won’t apologize for it, I *WILL* call attention to it, because doing so is my prerogative, and because POENiSs are so confused and full of misogyny that like, they’d try to say it’s misogynist that I (as a woman) admit (and am proud) that women know how to do this thing (Men don’t... you just don’t, not sorry...), and at the same time, not even realize that acting like women setting “traps” is a “bad” thing, and not legit just how we’ve learned to survive a confusing, gaslighty world of men *IS ITSELF MISOGYNY.* Like, yo, if you’re nonbinary, then stop trying to frame your life as a woman’s, or your experiences as “woman’s experiences.” Did I say “Only women can set ‘traps’, or did I just say “Men can’t.”...? Dude, give it up. And yes, I call other chicks dude too. I call men, women, and nonbinary people dude... The difference is that I do my best to ask if women are okay with it, or wait for them to do it first. I usually reserve it for stoner chicks and lesbians, cause we seem to throw it around more in a gender neutral-*INTENDED* way, and generally not care as much, except that trans women have a *REASON* to care when AFAB people do it, cause we’re *USED* to it being loaded. You can’t act like you can just pretend away the intentions of your word by being like “It’s gender neutral...” OK... that’s true till you put an *INTENT* to use the word *SPECIFICALLY TO GENDER* someone on it... Like I can laugh and call you “ass” with the intention of a friend to make you laugh when I see you being silly and we’re friends and know it’s all innocent and no harm intended, *OR* I can yell “ass” at a stranger with the intention of calling a stranger out on being harmful and full of shit, like... the word itself is pretty neutral between something you can casually throw at a friend and not harm them if they’re cool with the way you’re using it, and a word which can be used to actively and intentionally “bite at” (Read: HARM) someone. And like, a favorite tactic of this brand of POENiS is to act like if they see you calling out *ANOTHER* “crypto-terf” to suddenly try to get your attention and be like “I see you were talking about me, cause I too am “a nonbinary with a vagina,” yes indeed!” and like, No. Just no. No, dude.  (ABSOLUTELY read this like I'm dog/cat shaming. I am.) We were talking about Crypto-POENiS(s) who *INSINCERELY* label themselves as nonbinary, without meaning it (Fuck, a lot probably are nonbinary and even trans-masc, or men and in denial... some legit probably are women...) And when you hop in, all a *WOMAN* like *ME* sees is one of those many things in life which *IMMEDIATELY* makes us realize “Methinks thou dost protest too much.” Like... If you want to know how to talk to a woman, you gotta be able to learn to avoid triggering that, cause when we think “Methinks thou dost protest too much,” not always, and yet still, a pretty fair percentage of the time, we are fuckin’ right. Just like, stop trying to play word games with women, or do you worst... either way, it’s not gonna work XD.

[hansols-yoda-boxers]

3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 12, 13, 20, 22, I could go on lmao!!! These seem cool. :D have a good night! -pk

Thank you bb!! I’m so excited to answer these!

3. At what age did you first suspect that you are sexually attracted to other girls?

I should have been when I was watching Twilight and couldn’t stop staring at Anna Kendrik’s boobs. But no I started to suspect I wasn’t totally straight when I was 15, around Christmas time I think. 

4. At what age did you come to terms with your sexuality?

I didn’t have to really come to terms with it per say. I am extremely blessed that my mother in particular was really vocal about how it was totally okay fro us to be gay. But it took me three ish years to figure out my label.

5. Did you have an “aha I like girls” moment or was it more of a gradual realization?

It was gradual. It was knowing that I liked the male characters in shows and movies that were different from who my friends liked (i never liked the lead so much as the softer spoken, more gentle, or nerdy/artsy male side character - think Ryan from HSM). And then watching Jenna Marbles video on girl crushes in grade nine and adopting that structure to explain how it felt. And finally in grade 10 realizing that I was very attracted to Adam Lambert and in particular how beautiful he was wearing make up and I started to question if I was attracted to femininity and then just girls in general.

6. How did your sexuality make you feel before you came out?

I was mostly just unsure. Because it took me a while to find the right title (pan) and I have a bad habit of always feeling like I’m faking something I can literally be on the floor unable to move and my brain will tell me I’m making it up and just to get up when I can’t move my limbs. I was figuring it out as I got onto tumblr and then two of my friends came out as bi (at my 16th birthday party lol) and I was really worried that I just wanted to be special so it took a long time to reassure myself that I did feel what I feel.

9. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it?

My friend Pam, I was driving her home from dance and I told her I was pretty sure I liked girls. She was chill about it and I was 17 or so at the time and didn’t have a label so I didn’t tell anyone else. About a month in university I fully figured it out and then the first person I came out to properly was one of the orientation week leaders, Avery, who I had gotten close to and who I had a massive crush on and we sat and talked for hours and I forgot my umbrella when I went home and never found it. Also Avery is agender and at the time was into a lot of lgbtq+ stuff so they were very understanding. 

12. Do you now identify as something different than when you first came out?

Not really. I went through a bunch of things when I was questioning and fro a few years in my teens I thought I might be bi but it never sat right with me. It just felt off and I was uncomfy telling people. But then pan felt like putting on the perfect pair of jeans and as soon as I figured it out I wanted to tell e v e r y o n e.

13. Was anyone surprised when you came out or did people seem to already know?

Neither honestly. No one was like “oh I knew” but no one was shocked either. People were chill about it and I haven’t told my extended family since I’m not that close to them so it doesn’t matter if they don’t like it.

20. Do you think it is possible to be a true 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed towards one gender?

I think it’s possible to be anything, though I wouldn’t say 50/50 since that kind of implies or excludes other genders but that’s just the wording of the question. But I think really there’s a lot of variety in sexual and romantic orientation. 

22. How accurate is your gaydar?

Lmao not very good. But I also try hard not to assume ever, even if the person is really gay coding on purpose.

[sureuncertainty]

The Silence Agenda: A reference post

revised/updated 2/7/20

(this is an updated version of the old post, I had to make a new one because it wasn’t letting me edit, but much of it is changed anyway) 

WHAT IS THIS THING YOU’RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT, WIN???

Well, it’s my original novel, The Silence Agenda, that’s completely taken over this blog to the point of me considering changing my url (don’t worry I won’t, I’m not planning on changing it anytime soon), and I figured it’d be good to have relevant info in one place for anyone interested in learning about it or about the characters!

Plot Synopsis: A trained assassin and Stressed(tm) grad student room together in a tiny apartment to make rent easier.  (oh my god they were roommates)The book centers around their relationship, growing from not quite enemies, but more like annoyances, to unlikely friends, and eventually of course, to lovers, because I’m predictable like that.

Nyx (they/them)-

Nyx is the trained assassin half of the story. They’re 24 years old, genderfluid and use they/them pronouns, and they’re also intersex and identify as queer!

They’re also ISTJ and an 8w9. They’re not really a people person, as they learned a lonnnng time ago not to trust others, and have a very hard time communicating and also showing or feeling any emotions at all.

They had a rough life, grew up poor, were kicked out of their house when they were 17 by a homophobic/transphobic single mother, and ended up homeless for two years before they joined

The Silence Agenda, the name of the organization of assassins that Nyx is a part of. Their mission is basically to take out people that other people want dead. Technically, they’re hitmen, not assassins. The Boss is the highest up in the organization, and has no name other than The Boss. I have no drawings of him. Other Silence Agenda agents include:

Iris (she/her)-

Nyx’s ex girlfriend, and recruiter of them to the silence agenda. She also saved their life. She’s impulsive, somewhat irrational, somewhat crazy, and also drop dead gorgeous so Nyx was wildly in love with her. She sacrificed herself to keep them alive, and they’ve never stopped blaming themself for that. Partially because of

Kat (she/her)-

Another silence agenda agent, an extremely petty, jealous bitch who also happens to be the main antagonist of the story. Always jealous of Nyx because of Iris’s “favoritism”, she holds a deep grudge against them, and also manipulated them into thinking that Iris’s death was their fault, even though it wasn’t. She comes from a rich family, and grew up somewhat abandoned by her parents, and with some violent tendencies. Her parents were killed by Silence Agents when she was 20 years old, and she proceeded to then join Silence Agenda to become a ruthless killer. Power hungry, manipulative, and obsessive, wants nothing more than to take over the Silence Agenda herself one day

And that’s pretty much it for backstory, Silence Agenda related things. Which is only HALF of the story I’m telling. The other half involves my wonderful boi

Avery Sharpe (they/them)-

A 23 year old grad student studying history with a deep love of all things Irish. They’re agender, bisexual, and demisexual! They have green hair that they dye lavender halfway through the story (hence different hair colors when I draw them). They also have emetophobia, social anxiety, and ADHD.

They work two separate jobs, at Starbucks, and the campus library in order to afford to live, as they were disowned by their conservative Christian parents their junior year of college,  They’re very passionate and feel things a lot, and are also incredibly messy, which drives Nyx up the wall.

Sam (he/him)-

Avery’s only real other friend at the time of the story’s writing, one of their coworkers at Starbucks. A Friend and Boy. Highly supportive, encouraging, and the Ultimate Wingman of Nyx and Avery’s relationship. Gay and in a long term committed relationship with his boyfriend, Carlos.

The only other important character has no illustrations, but his name is Derek Bernard, and he’s Nyx’s target, who works at Avery’s university as does Nyx undercover. He’s the head of the department of economics and he sucks.

If you made it here, thank you so much for reading! As for the story itself, I have it in both novel and SCREENPLAY form, thanks to my beautiful and incredible girlfriend @drama-dick who you should check out bc she also writes amazing poetry! If you’re interested in reading, DM me! I have individual tags for each of the characters, as well as a main tag for my story, The Silence Agenda (https://sureuncertainty.tumblr.com/tagged/the-silence-agenda), if you’d like to check it out. I am planning on attempting to self publish, and will be posting more details about that as it comes out.

Feel free, as always to DM me or send me asks with questions for, or about my characters! AND AND AND if you ever want to literally make my entire day, draw art of any of my OCs for me to love you forever!! I already love you forever for reading this!

[minnuet-archive]

So I’m about to make a post. And either none of you will see this or care (which I’m fine with), or a lot of you are going to see this hate me for it. But since I’m planning on leaving tumblr soon (tbd), I don’t really care. Just know that I’m not going to respond to anyone who reblogs this/messages me because of this. 

I also want to say that if you choose to read this, I ask that you read it all the way through. Don’t read half way through and reblog with your comments.

I think that, if I’m being honest, the amount of labels in LGBTQ+ community has gotten out of hand.

I’m not saying that the feelings aren’t real. I’m not saying that it’s impossible to not want to have sex or feel physical attraction until you get to know someone. 

But I don’t see why it needs to be it’s own sexuality. Sounds a lot more like a preference to me. For so long, sexuality described what gender you like and in what way (romantic vs. sexual). But it stopped being that, and now people rack on as many labels as they can. 

And the same goes for genders. I believe that trans, cis, genderfluid, nonbinary, agender, and of course intersex (and with it ispogender) make sense. And while some other genders do too, a lot of them could very easily fit under one of these categories. But instead people use bigender, pangender, even maverique. 

And then there’s the use of neopronouns, which also don’t seem necessary (but I’m more okay with that than the amount of genders there are).

I’m not trying to gatekeep. Maybe sometimes, in the past, for other reasons, I’ve done that out of whatever shit I was going through.

But right now, don’t give me that bullshit. I’m allowed to have an opinion. But here’s the thing. I don’t give a fuck what you identify as. Go ahead, do whatever you want. You don’t have to live your life based on my opinion. No one does. That’s kind of the point. But at the same time, I don’t give a fuck what you identify as, so while I’ll still respect you as a person and try my hardest to use your correct pronouns, I’m not going to tiptoe around you and pretend I don’t have an opinion.

Anyways, sorry if I hurt anyone. I don’t mean to hurt any of you, because the thing is, your feelings are valid. Alright? I just feel like lately, every feeling to be had has become a new label in the LGBTQ+ community.