#as someone who thought i was attracted to men and felt uncomfortable dating a man and it just felt wrong it's clear

[leavemetoexist]

Thinking about how Arthur didn't want to marry Bella because it felt wrong and how Bella didn't want to marry him not just because it felt wrong but because she did not love him nor his job, and he was selfish. Thinking about how Arthur had no excuses as to why it felt wrong but it just did. Thinking that maybe Arthur isn't as straight as i thought he might be. In today's essay i will-

[moviecritc]

Hello! Can I please request a smau with Charles Leclerc and Alexandra with the reader. Like her getting hate online because people think she coming in between them but then they found out that she and Alex were already dating before even they met Charles and he's the one who came into their relationship also could you please make it fluff at the end, thank you <3

✦ ˚ : · YOU WONDER WHY I'M BITTER ⋆ ALEXANDRA SAINT MLEUX, CHARLES LECLERC 🦢

pairing ☆ charles leclerc x singer! reader x alexandra saint mleux

summary ☆ you and alex broke up because she suggested charles to join your relationship, and you're really mad about it

warnings ☆ hate comments (mostly for alex, but it's just for the plot), mixed smau, arguments

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

masterlist | letterboxd

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yourusername MY NEW SONG IS HEREE !!!!!!!1!!!!!1!!!!! Stream Good Luck, Babe! so i can pay my hairdresser and make up artist THANK YOUU 🐽💥🌈💍

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user1 she's turning into my comfort artist guys

user2 y/n l/n for president 2024

user3 alex in the likes is LOUD

user4 and she's even early wtf girl user5 i'm new someone explain the lore user6 @/alexandrasaintmleux was y/n's gf for like four years, they were high school sweethearts and y/n wrote many songs about her. but four months ago they broke up and alexandra is now dating some formula 1 driver. literally four months later. some people say that she cheated, others that it was friendly, but idk user7 i mean after this song...

user8 ALEXANDRA WHEN I FOUND YOU

user9 'and you're NOTHING MORE THAN HIS WIFE' alexandra you're cooked

user10 FRRR she at least was something when she dated y/n. now she's just another f1 wag

user11 HOW I LOVE MESSY SONGS

user12 WE'RE SO BACK

user13 alexandra should be ashamed of walking in public after this

user14 sis casually making a diss track

f1gossip just posted!

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f1gossip Charles Leclerc and Alexandra Saint Mleux out for dinner in Monaco

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user14 girl wtf

user15 they did her so dirty i love it

user16 the difference when she was out with y/n is LOUD

user17 yk i'm starting to think that charles is the problem user18 righ? alex was so comfortable with flashes around y/n and now this? wtf is this man doing user19 i think it was just a bad moment user20 maybe she didn't want to be seen after y/n's song user21 i hate men

user22 NOT Y/N LIKING THIS

user23 she KNOWS it's alex loss

user24 charles your gf is cleary uncomfortable why tf you're smiling

user25 he's probably happy about all the drama bc he's life is boring

user26 this is a pr relationship at a 100%

yourusername just posted a story!

[caption: 10K streams just in the first week OMGGG, thank you thank you thank you. I love you so much guys, thank you for feeding my delusional ass 💥💥]

replies

user27 pop people princess

user28 WE LOVE YOU Y/NNN

user29 please PLEASE come to spain

user30 drop the tour dates nowww

alexandrasaintmleux Can we talk, please? In person, I know that you are in Paris this weekend

Y/N had left Alexandra on read. She hadn't wanted to know anything about her since the proposal to become a throuple with that guy Leclerc, but even though she thought she hated the idea, she found herself looking at the photos Charles posted on his Instagram. He was objectively handsome, she wouldn't lie. Although the fact that he had taken her girlfriend did make him seem like the most horrible person she had ever met. But he was handsome.

Most of his photos were related to his job as a Ferrari driver. She had heard Alex talk about that sport hundreds of times; she should have guessed that she felt somewhat attracted to the most handsome driver on the grid. But there was one photo that really caught her attention; him, in his apartment, shirtless on his stationary bike. She couldn't stop looking at it, she even went into the comments to see what people thought, to make sure it wasn't weird to find him extremely attractive. Then, unintentionally, she liked it. She saw the red heart float on the screen and knew that was her end, she removed the like immediately, praying that no gossip page decided to be watching that post at the same time as her.

But it was already screwed, he was going to see her notification, he was going to tell Alex, and now they would have more reasons to meet. Everything was screwed.

A few minutes later, she received a message from Charles, which left her totally bewildered, but she opened it immediately anyway.

user34 not the censurated name-

user35 makes a lot of sense to me actually

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yourusername Monaco you were LOUUUD !!!! The best city to open the leg of the tour and we had a blast together. Omw to Paris 💋🎸💐

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user31 she's so normal after exposing everything and everyone just in the first date

laufey princess of the princesses liked by author

user32 she's crazy for what she said

user33 now i want a public apology from alexandra and charles

user34 FR i can't believe they made her fell so bad

user35 yk break ups happen, it's not something bad. instead of spreading hate you should just move on girl, it's embarrasing

user36 oh shut up, she's a singer, she does drag. she's going to be dramatic user37 and we're here for it

user38 it has to be marketing bc last night was wild

user39 pretty sure it wasn't

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f1gossip Charles Leclerc and his girlfriend recently in Bali

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user40 they went the further they could bc of y/n's concert

user41 you can't convince me they're not pr

user42 0 chemistry

user43 i always see alex with her phone with charles

user44 she must be bored of him

user45 i don't think they even talk to each other

user46 i hate them so much

user47 these y/n's fans are taking f1 and i'm here for it

yourusername just posted on her story!

[caption: favs ✨]

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user48 aren't those alex's favourites?

alexandrasaintmleux beautiful pic 💞

[TRANSCRIPTION OF THE CALL BETWEEN ALEXANDRA AND Y/N]

Alex: Hiii. Y/N, listen to me. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I fucked up in every possible way

Y/N: Yeah, you did

Alex: But I love you. You have no idea how much love I have for you, mon chéri. So much that I thought I had to share it with someone else. But I was wrong, so wrong

Y/N: Alex, you're so drunk. You're not thinking clearly

Alex: Listen to me. For once in your life, listen. I fucked up pretty much everything, and you have no idea how much I regret it. I- What are you d-?

[background noises, you hear Alex complain]

Charles: Y/N?

Y/N: Charles? Give the phone back to Alex, for the love of god.

Charles: Y/N, hear me out. Leave my girlfriend the fuck alone. You know I found you really hot at the beginning but you have to stop this shit. I have a fucking reputation out here.

Y/N: Give her phone back, dickhead.

Charles: Move on, bitch. She doesn't want you anymore, and me neither.

part 2

[milksuu]

Hey hey heyyyy!!! It's me, the one that keeps stalking your page! 💙🧚‍♀️

I wanna say that OML I LOVE YOUR WRITING!!! AAAAHHH! And I'm so so so happy to see that

anyways, this is a request for how the heartsteel boys would react to a lover with big bazoinkers who usually wears baggy clothes suddenly wearing something tight fitted??? Heheehehehe.

Also, how would the react if you were hit on by someone else due to their lover having big personalities?? (You don't have to do this one if you're uncomfortable ofc!!)

Also, keep up what you're doing, feeding my unhealthy obsession with these fictional (but very attractive) men. I hope you have an amazing day/night!!!🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️

❥ prompt: So, you got the big boinkers. The huge bagonzos. The gigantic bonobos. Whatever guys called boobs these days. You're super self-conscious about them, ever since you hit puberty. You've tried to hide them. But with the upcoming red-carpet event for the music awards, you can't wear baggy clothes next to your Heartsteel boyfirend. You had to look your best. Or as some would say, your breast. ❥ content/warnings: mild suggestive themes, possessive boyfriend energy, over protective boyfriend energy ❥ characters/pairings: v!Heartsteel (aphelios, ezreal, kayne) / f!reader

APHELIOS

Aphelio's thought you always looked cute and comfortable in your hoodies. In casual form, it was his aesthetic as well. Until the time came for a special event.

Aphelio's hadn't imagined exactly what you would wear. But surely, it might be a long-sleeve and turtleneck to match your conservative style. He understood how you felt about your particular assets. He would never suggest you to wear anything that didn't make you feel secure.

He was absolutely wrong. So, so, so wrong. (Wait. Did he actually like being wrong?) He got the long-sleeves part right. But the black mini-dress you sported hugged all the curves you possessed. With just a bit of thigh fat squeezed at the hem. If Aphelio's could ever speak again, he'd beg to be immediately silenced between those thighs. And at the top, there was a glorious boob-window that any e-girl would go absolutely rabid to have.

He had to look away a few times. Thankful to have a mask covering most of his flustered features. Maintaining a semblance of composure, he led you by the hand, speaking to you through squeezes between your hands.

Down the red-carpet, with flashing lights, the two of you posed. One camera man took a picture a little too angled for his liking. Your hand trembled in his. Blushing and holding your breath. Embarrassed tears pricked the corner of your eyes. Afraid of the possible lewdness that would be plastered in magazines. You didn't want to even imagine the headliners. And what would they say about Aphelio's? That he was dating some sort of 'all-boobs-no brains' bimbo? You wanted nothing like that for him.

Aphelio's sensed all of your emotions and didn't hesitate his next move. He dragged a discreet foot against the carpet, folding it in a manner that caused the paparazzo to trip. When the shady-cameraman fell, his camera smashed to pieces against the ground. The man dramatically fell to his knees, holding his head and weeping in buckets.

You gasped. Aphelio's merely rolled his eyes dismissively, tugging you way. He knitted his brows, and squeezed your hand tightly. You knew exactly what he did. You smiled, condensing your chest against his arm.

Feeling his face heat up again, he looked away. After acting so cool, and looking so cool, there's no way he'd let you see him blush like a high-school boy.

EZREAL

Ezreal never minded you wearing baggy clothes. He thought it was fun—for him! He loved diving underneath your oversized hoodie, and poke his head out the other side. Like you two were some odd circus attraction. That, or pretend he was a sailor drowning in a sea of boobies. He liked wearing the stylish hat.

He wasn't exactly sure what you would wear to the event, but he wished it was something he could fit inside later. He was joking. That was a total joke. So long as you were comfortable in it, he didn't mind.

When he saw you step out of the limo, his jaw completely dropped. He felt like one of those cool male-lead movie stars. Taking off his glasses in iconic slow-mo fashion, mouthing the words "Oh, Baby."

He spared zero time to lead you by the arm. Ready for from some press worthy photos he knew you two were going to absolutely rock.

Making it to the concessions room, where the liquor and horderves were plenty, it was prime time for music stars to socialize.

One young rapper approached, way too drunk off his drink, slurred with a smirk at your general direction. Commenting on whether or not Ezreal paid for you to have boob job in order to please him.

The giddy-boyish-sunshine smile turned utterly dark. The laugh he forced was ear grating. It chilled you to the bone. There was a flash of yellow. And briefly, you felt your arm empty of his presence. Then the scene unfolded. The man's drink completely spilled all over him. Another flash. He was pushed, stumbling to the ground.

Ezreal merely snickered into his suit sleeve when bouncers in the room dragged the drunk man away by the collar. Deeming him too drunk and unfit for the show, and subsequently tossed out.

Ezreal tugged you off to a far, secluded corner. He took you into his arms, squeezing tightly. Apologizing into your ear. You smiled softly, and rubbed his the back. Reassuring him you weren't hurt by the comment. And gave him a grateful kiss into his hair for sticking up for you.

KAYN

Kayn 'Big ol' Tiddle Bitties'. If he could change his middle name to that, he would. It'd be his other rap persona, in ode to your breasts. Rhaast approved. And sure, you may be insecure about them, but Kayn fucking hell wasn't. He swore, one day, he would scream in praise at the rooftops. (Thankfully that hasn't happened...yet.)

He prayed to every demon, anti-christ, Eldritch God on this forsaken plane of existence for you to bless his presence with those huge knockers. And holy shit, did you ever at the event.

From the outfit alone, if he leashed himself for you, and placed a crop in your hand, he'd be on all fours. This wouldn't be a classy event anymore. It'd be an all-out fetish party.

Sadly. Reality kept it to a red-carpeted event. Where he had to act professional. Lead you accordingly, and restrain himself on every level possible. It took all his effort to not just call an Uber and take you in nearest love-hotel.

After mingling before the show, it was time for the awards. You took your seat next to each other. As the event played on, with various performances, you felt something being thrown into your cleavage. You looked down, spotting popcorn. Turning a cheek, you saw a group of young men laughing. Making comments about your breasts, and high-fiving one another when they 'made the shot'.

Kayn noticed. And boy, was he about to lose his shit during a performance speech. You placed a hand against his chest, whispering for him not to make a scene, and not allow the clowns to hurt his reputation. Fine—he wouldn't commit a crime. But he would show them who they were fucking with.

You slapped a hand over your mouth, muffling any lewd noises. Kayn planted his face in your cleavage, biting and licking your chest. He took up all the popcorn, and spat it out the guys like buttered bullets. They jumped with looks of disgust, cursing under their breaths about how damn crazy he was. With a final growl, they scurried away.

Kayn cackled, and you had to shush him when Yone leaned back in his chair and gave a look.

an: holy shiii tysvm for this req. @ccraccz! you're a genius. pls keep stalking my page *smooches you* sadly i have to break this up into two parts, since I wasn't expecting to make it so long??? lmfao??? pls stay tuned for part 2

[bitterbutblue]

Is it bad i can imagine Robin as a hopelessly inlove girl like ofmgsh?? Like knowing how popular she is, she doesn’t have an attraction to anyone, seeing how some of her fans are just obsessed. She doesn’t like any of that.

But when she sees how polite and respectful you are, she’s immediately hooked.

Like you’re taking a liking to new cafe? You'll find that all your orders are on the house, already paid. Needing to vent? Her phone is always available ready for any of your calls or messages with flowers mysteriously on your doorstep the next day. You’re sick? She immediately drops everything to take a drive to your house with medicine and some of your favourite snacks in hand.

Please i love Robin, and i will ramble on and on about her everyday 🥺

~🍷

the way i manifested for robin before my final exams like i sat down with a group of friends and we did a little prayer circle and i hit the ten pull button while on 5050 adn we got robin and i proceeded to absolutely NAIL the exams on that day. she's my favourite for a reason.

⤷ you were just one of the people who worked in the fan meet and greets, setting up the venue and whatnot.

⤷ everyone there was going insaneee about THE robin being there, and you were excited too but upon seeing the way her fans treated her or behaved when seeing her, you couldn't help but feel bad

⤷ poor bby looked so uncomfortable, especially when the men are talking to her and trying to touch her as she walks off the stage. so you quickly took action (knowing it mayyyy cost you your job cause they could file complaints) but you couldn't care less.

⤷ you walk up to the man and aggressively shoulder him, pushing him aside as you approach robin to ask if she's okay with a very gentle smile

⤷ oh she's so gay.

⤷ fell for you hard and fast. literally offered you a job on the spot and you were like wtf

⤷ the entire time you worked as her assistant she clearly was in love with you. remembered your birthday, your favourite drinks depending on your mood, your favourite foods, snacks, everything. Always ordered a drink for you too, and you felt bad but she keeps insisting on treating you

⤷ no assistant of hers has ever been as caring as you!! always looking out for her, and arguing with the higher ups if you feel like they're pushing her too far and that was reallyyy what made her fall in love

⤷ you cared so much about her, not just because she's a celebrity but because she's a person. it's been so long she's forgotten how it feels to actually be cared for and not just looked at

⤷ she confesses to you one day when you snapped at her manager for commenting on her body weight again. you were sick of it- robin had barely gained anything but they wouldn't stop talking to her about losing weight so you snapped.

⤷ the manager demanded to have you fired but robin refused. instead she had sunday fire the manager.

⤷ it was a weird surge of emotions she felt in the moment, having someone actually look out for her. your face was red from anger and your breathing was unsteady, a look of pure irritation in your eyes but the moment you laid your eyes back on her the irritation fades into nothing but worry and she's smitten.

⤷ she asks you out on a date when you were walking her down to her car that'll drive you home and you thought you were dreaming.

⤷ she giggled at how u just stared at her, looking so confused and shocked

⤷ she kissed you on the cheek and your entire face just turned brick red

⤷ the next day, she got you another drink. except this time there was a heart doodled on the side, and a promotion letter next to it- asking you to be her manager.

⤷ the most loving girlfriend SERIOUSLYYYYY she doesn't take SHIT from anyone if they say anything bad about you. okay they can talk shit about her, but YOU? she'll start throwing hands

⤷ now that you're dating she spends even more money on u like christ, you knew she was rich but this is a whole other level.

⤷ rented out your favourite cat cafe for the day so you two could have a date in silence and peace without the stress of the cameras

⤷ wrote an entire album about you and you melted when you listened to it for the first time

⤷ despite how busy she was, she still makes you the most thoughtful handmade gifts. she learned to crochet to make you a beanie for when it gets cold when she realised you didn't have one in possession

⤷ she's your lover girl, forever and always <33

[i-arch-my-backula]

Queer slasher head canons

So it's pride month and I'm feeling very queer and trans so I'm going to be talking about my queer headcanons for slashers. I know I'm talking about gender and sexuality in a modern context in this and these slashers aren't set in modern days mostly so do with that what you will. These are also my opinions so don't yell at me if you disagree

Bubba Sawyer has a very fluid gender expression and I love that for him. He's kind of all over the gender expression spectrum so it makes sense in my mind that he uses the masks as an excuse to express his queer identity. He does see himself as a man sort of, but if he learns that he doesn't have to be a man he'll be so relieved. He also has a preference for women when it comes to romantic interests but it doesn't matter too much.

OG Michael Myers mostly grew up in a mental insitution so he doesn't really know much about gender or gender roles. He doesn't see why it matters if a man wears a dress or a woman wears pants and has short hair, he's killing them either way. He just honestly doesn't care about gender too much, call him whatever you want. The same goes for sexuality. He doesn't find people attractive often, but if someone's attractive, they're attractive.

Jason Voorhees grew up being told he's a boy and he feels comfortable with the title of being a man, not that he really hears people referring to him as a man that often. I feel like he sees gender as a more basic thing and if you say you're a woman, you're a woman, if you say you're a man, you're a man. He might not totally understand identities outside of that but he'll learn with time. He grew up not knowing anything about sexuality and he just thought only men and women could get together but he's learned over time that any gender can be with any gender and he's left it at that. He honestly does prefer women but if a man's hot, Jason doesn't mind checking him out.

Harry Warden just like Jason grew up being told he's a man so he's never felt uncomfortable with the title of being a man. He likes being a man and he prefers to stick to more modern terms of being masculine and stuff like that. He'll be a little confused about people who don't stick to traditional gender norms but again, he'll learn over time. Raging homo in the closet. He's grown up being told that straight is the only option so when he finds out he's mostly only attracted to men he's a little worried. If only there was a nice handsome man to help him overcome this.

Billy Lenz doesn't care if you call him a man or a woman or something else, he's still going to harass you over the phone. Billy guesses he's a man because that's what everyone says he is so why should he care. I feel like he's all bark and no bite when it comes to his phone calls. This man will say the smuttiest, juicy, toe curling, moan inducing, mouth watering sentences over the phone and the minute you go to confront him he's back tracking. I put him somewhere on the asexual spectrum for this. As for sexuality he does have a preference for women but in the end, hot people are just hot.

Stu Macher is a cis guy. He's always been comfortable with being a guy and he likes being a guy in general. He grew up thinking everyone was comfortable with wanting to date anyone regardless of gender but he found out that he was the only one later on. He's attracted to everyone regardless of gender so this man is a fruit.

Billy Loomis is also a cis guy. He's happy with being a guy but he is a little insecure in his masculinity. I feel like he's never felt many enough because he's bi and he's just trying to find ways to make up for it. But of course Stu is someone he can confide in when he's feeling this kind of way.

[hellorai]

Okay so it just me who feels so like dizzy about their sexual identity rn?

Like for me I feel a whirlwind of emotions rn because for the longest I identified as bisexual (not that bisexual is a “gateway” sexuality it’s very valid) but late last year I realized I’m a lesbian and demisexual. I’m not use to labels outside of physical or hobbies (black woman, artist etc…) I just kinda knew who I was and that’s how I go on about my day but now it feels like I fell flat on my ass.

The idea of me being demisexual is still very new for me because I thought it was people who really didn’t like touch or sex and physical touch is like my main love language (romantically I’ll get into that) and I like sex but as I researched it more it all clicked from my trauma and how I processed speech and touch when I did date I liked the chase more than relationships emotionally but in my head I liked the relationship over chase because it they can’t touch me emotionally and physically? I’m still struggling on how I define this for myself because I am quite touch starved and love touch but it also makes me feel indifferent and I need to KNOW you or it feels like a violation!

Now on and off for years I’ve thought of the idea of being a lesbian. I felt more comfortable with girls, I dated girls more, I imagined myself with girls more etc…I feel like I held onto the idea of liking men was i like masculinity and at the time I equated masculinity=man. Then I didn’t feel as comfortable or attracted to girl because I forced myself into fem4fem and had inner biphobia at the time so I thought if I dated a masculine girl I just want men so I yearned for men more and it was “easier” to be attracted to like fictional men or celebrities but in real life I’d like girls I hope that makes sense😭 As a darkskin midsize black woman I felt like if I only like girls I’d be masculine and that made me uncomfortable because I’m very feminine. I felt like this because I use to equate heterosexual dynamics into homosexual relationships and I never say girls that look like me be the feminine one in lesbian relationships whether it was based on size, skin tone or race in general.

All of these insecurities and misguided views left me so confused and hurt + trauma of very bad relationships and being so young when all this was happening I continued to just have bad relationships or attached myself to people even though my mindset is nothing like it was because I didn’t have any real grasp of who I was and what I identify with.

So with all this I’ve been trying to educate myself especially with having more knowledge and older mutuals that really taught me what certain terms are like what a butch really is and butch culture.

I’ve always prided myself on knowing myself and presentation but with the stereotypes in certain labels I feel like I just don’t belong. I battle issues with I know it but I don’t feel it therefore it’s not valid. To call back when I mentioned physical touch is my main love language then I put romantically in parentheses because I think I’m a pillow princess. I’m trying to understand myself with and without labels and the guidance of them but when I research into what it means to be a pillow princess and femme I feel it but I don’t know it? Especially since I know and feel like I’d like to be with a stone butch. I’m also open to even like dropping labels if they don’t even go together I’d hate to think I’m just throwing terms together but when I research eventually my head feels dizzy and my stomach hurts like I’m just gonna get it wrong? I want to figure this stuff out because it leave me feeling bad and uneducated in my own culture (and like I’m never gonna be well enough to be in a relationship) but I just have a hard time seeing myself in roles or labels primarily cause I haven’t experienced much of anything!

I hope this makes sense and that someone just as confused but determined to figure themselves out like me can feel some warmth and maybe someone who went through this or knew someone could respond and help (which would be very appreciated)

🎀

[bookishfeylin]

Hello! I popped in a few days ago to say how much I love your blog and I thought I would circle back a little bit with some of my (messy) thoughts on the ACOTAR series from an LGBTQ+ perspective. (Maybe I could make a side blog for this. God knows how I struggle with the horrible writing in the Dragon Age games on main). My credentials: trans man and bisexual, but I’d like to blanket that I don’t speak for the entire community and, of course, I am speaking from my own experiences.

So, the first lgbtq+ character prominent we’re introduced to in SJM’s bibliography is actually Aedion from Throne of Glass, and the only reason I’m starting off with him is because I’m really mad that he was our first prominent bisexual character in the books and there was 0 mention of his relationships with other men; it was a throwaway line before his romance with Lysandra (in which SJM butchered his character in the last book. Not to say that bi men can’t date women! I liked their ship but I was mad at how it was treated as tokenism).

Within ACOTAR, we’re first greeted with Helion, and the issue with his writing is… pretty glaring, I think. The promiscuous bisexual is a harmful trope that’s been toted around for a while; “oh, you’re bi? you must be down for sex all the time with whoever you want” which… ignores the fact that sexuality can be a spectrum and does assign bisexuality a sort of sexual morality that people have used to condemn us for a long time. Not to say that Helion can’t be promiscuous, but there is a focus on it as a huge aspect of his character when there are other ways to do it.

I feel like Morrigan is a little self-explanatory. It’s… not great, imo, that SJM isn’t being a little more clear about her (if she prefers sexual relationships with men but intimate romantic relationships with women, great! But please SAY THAT). The way she strings Azriel along is cruel and unnecessary—she shouldn’t need to feel afraid to come out to people who are supposedly “her best friends” or “are like brothers to her”. Hell, she felt safer coming out to Feyre, who’s she’s known for considerably less time! I’ll also touch briefly on the whole situation with Eris… insofar as to say that I think SJM writing it out with such violence was unnecessary and the optics of “I prefer women because men harmed me” that, while may not be necessarily true, the appearance of it being true reads really poorly because it’s what conservatives and conversion camps like to tout about lgbtq+ people (“you’re only like that bc someone hurt you”).

Thesan is another one, but SJM left his lover unnamed. C’mon. There’s barely any named NPCs in this series as it is, it wouldn’t have killed her to slap a name on his husband/mate.

Speaking of mates, I need to gripe about the mating bond too—in ACOMAF, I believe it is, but just in general, the bond is used to indicate NOT who would be happiest in love, but it is based on which pairing would “make the strongest offspring”. So, if we walk away from the heteronormativity of that explanation, how the HELL do you get gay mates? And if you’re gay, what happens if your “mate” is someone you’re not romantically or even sexually attracted to? Do you just have to deal with this uncomfortable and predestined tension and expectations to suck it up and make babies, anyway? And why should it be based on children and the ideal nuclear family? (We know why. But from a meta perspective, why?)

And as a brief aside, I still haven’t seen a trans character. Not that I’d want to. I think I would end up being terribly offended if she tried to do so. Sorry this ended up being so long! Maybe I should’ve devoted it to my own post 😔

No, you're fine! I'd had my own thoughts about some of these but I'd never considered the full extent of how abysmal her representation truly was. Tysm for this!

[l4dyrauhl]

TF is a lesbian leaning bisexual?

I got called a lesbian leaning bisexual yesterday, and it really actually upset me. The person who called me this said it was just a statement because sexuality is a spectrum. They said it doesn't mean I'm not equally attracted to men or women. So, my question is: if it doesn't mean that, why do you keep trying to call me a lesbian leaning bisexual. This has been a running argument that I've played off as a joke for years" "em you definitely like women more than men." I've even gotten it from other men while they are actively trying to hit on me. Like actually no I don't, but you're not doing well for yourself right now. I feel like you are just saying things to say things. They said my track record with women is more extensive than men. This is untrue. I have talked to way more men than women. Additionally, I've been in a long term relationship with a man. That relationship took up most of my early adult years. I have been single since then. I don't go on dates with either. I don't really speak to either. Because in my heart, I would love to be able to date someone, but I feel like I'm not in the best place to date (more on this later). They said they know me, and that's why they can make this distinction. Sure, you may know me, but I AM ME. You can't tell me what my sexuality is. This is a huge problem in our society. It doesn't really matter what you have observed, you cannot place your labels on other people. You can continue to have those thoughts all you want because it's your brain, but trying to tell me? That's insane. I let it roll off my shoulder, but things like this really make me uncomfortable. They make me feel like I'm not actually accepted which is why i clung onto my friendship with Koi for so long. I could actually be myself without someone trying to put me in a box because she understood. Did I mention this was a straight person? Not in the queer community by any means other than under the guise of being an ally. How does this treatment make you an ally? There was another time when we made a tiktok with our friends to ask the audience who "looks queer" or who "looks straight". A little jokey joke, but nothing major. This person told me that the felt like everyone would know that they are straight because the rest of use look queer. Like they were obsessed with this notion. It's crazy because the one comment guessing who was the straight one did not mention her. Which proves my exact point. Mind you I really love this person, and I understand that they meant no harm, but if I am telling you something I need you to respect it. Sexuality is definitely a spectrum, but I don't think we need to make up sub spectrums and new words to help us to be more comfortable with people around us by putting them into our respective categories and boxes. People just be gay sometimes. That's it and that's that.

[gwenthebard]

Honestly as a pansexual woman who has a preference for men a lot of the time? So much of this bullshit created problems I'm still working through

"All men are gross and stupid and abusive" was like, the peak problem of faux feminism with people I knew when I was in high school and college. Straight women talking about how they wished they were gay because how bad men were, pan women who talked about how men were horrible and they hated they were attracted to them, people who in general just thought it was fun to trash on men and how much worse men were to date

and this is still something you see a lot in queer circles, where you'll see cis and trans women gladly say stuff like this as a general statement, or talk about disliking their attraction to men

and like, only in the last couple years did I really come to terms with being pansexual? and I realized rather recently I have a clear preference for men a lot of the time, but I keep feeling guilty for it.

I feel guilty about talking about a male character I find hot, I feel guilty talking about thinking guys are hot, I feel guilty fucking writing straight romances in my books a lot because I feel like I'm disappointing people even as I write about queer people in straight relationships. I felt guilty as a trans woman talking about my relationship with a man on a server of queer people, and realized only how dumb it sounded after someone was confused I was worried about expressing my pansexuality on a queer server

and like, I feel like so much of my guilt comes from the fact that like, even still in queer circles there's this sense of "making fun of stereotypical men is an acceptable target, so let's make fun of the idea of the attraction to men". There's a literal habit of questioning someone's stated sexuality if their relationships are largely straight presenting

Like these are just "I hate my wife" jokes reflavored for younger audiences, but also there's a common sentiment of them in queer circles that makes it really uncomfortable at times to be pansexual. My partners like to tease me at times about the idea I'm boy crazy, and I often feel guilty because I worry they question my sexuality or see me as less queer for it, and that shouldn't be a thing

This doesn't even get into how masculine presenting non-binary people are often seen as more predatory, or how these ideas literally harm trans women and trans men both in horrible ways by putting a sort of taint on the idea of a trans woman being butch or a trans man becoming a man in a lot of these circles

TLDR: I fucking hate these jokes, but also these jokes are part of a bigger problem of creating an environment that makes things uncomfortable for a lot of pan, bi, and trans people

Guys I’m going to make a hot take

[tattered-cynic]

The original poster blocked me whilst I was writing this reply (lmao) presumably because they actually didn't want to hear what I have to say, despite actively stating they were happy to continue the discussion in their post.. so @becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys here's the reply below that I can only assume you were too afraid to read I guess. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm happy to continue to discuss this with you. To address the points you raise in your reply:

I wasn't saying you called me an idiot. I thought it would have been pretty clear I was referring to the un-named guy in the meeting that you were inferring was an idiot. I will concede you used (1) source that supports your opinion in the replies. I also used a source. Neither of our sources are what I would call disreputable so we're at an impasse there I guess. My apologies I didn't spell everything out for you in tiny steps so that you could be "emotionally ready for me disagreeing with you" (see how rude that sounds, and you say I'm the one "flipping the table" - I think we can both agree that's unnecessary).

I'm not an expert on intersex conditions, any more than you are. It may have been wrong for me to use the word "disorder", in which case I apologise to any intersex person reading. That being said, I was using the term because of knowing about DSD's, therefore assuming since it's part of the initialism that the word "disorder" was acceptable. (Ironically this is an example of me supposedly using up-to-date terminology and you having a problem with it, which is the root of the original post, in reverse.) That being said, I do know that intersex conditions exist as differentiations between the 2 sexes, male and female. They don't show the existence of any 3rd sex, they exist only as conditions in the 2 sexes. They can only exist as such, and therefore their existence is further evidence that humans only have 2 sexes, because different intersex conditions affect the sexes depending on which sex is affected. Basically, we have 2 sexes, and intersex conditions exist as modifiers on either of those 2 sexes but they don't create a 3rd sex by their existence.

I asked you not to involve intersex people here as part of your argument because you are trying to use them to argue more than 2 sexes exist in humans, which is false. I strongly believe you brought them up thinking they would be a "gotcha" and I'd have to back down, something that happens a lot in discussions around both trans issues and gender issues. I may be reading into this more than you think appropriate, but I've seen it done too many times now that I'm very sensitive to any attempt to throw mention of intersex people into an argument not originally involving them.

I'm going to be completely honest here and say that I'm not likely to take seriously or agree with someone who so freely throws around the "q" slur when talking about bisexuality. I and thousands of other lesbian, gay and bisexual people have had that word used against us alongside violence for decades, I will not accept it used here. You using it so freely instantly gives me very strong feelings of dislike and distrust that you will have to work hard to dispel.

At no point have I "slammed the victim button" (?). I am referring once again to the un-named man in your original post. You "correcting" him in public is an attempt to place your beliefs above his, or as I phrased it, to force them on him. I'm sorry that you felt uncomfortable at my use of that phrasing to describe your actions.

Sexuality is based on sex. I'm attracted to both sexes, men and women. I'm bisexual. Lesbians and gays are attracted to the same sex - they're homosexual. Straight people are attracted to the opposite sex - they're heterosexual. That's what the words mean and why they exist. Gender is completely different from sex. Gender expression is individual to each person, usually informed by culture and society. Gender has nothing whatsoever to do with your sexual orientation. You are entitled to your personal beliefs about gender, as I said, but they aren't applicable when talking about sexual attraction, between the sexes.

To answer your question of where I got the impression of you interrupting him from - in your original post you use the phrase "I had to break in and correct the guy". Tell me how that doesn't immediately give the strong impression that you interrupted him? I did not say you put him "on blast", I said you "blasted" - a verb usage I admit has gained different meanings online in recent years, but I used here simply to refer to your attitude towards him in your post as being negative.

I would argue I'm not the one "flipping the table" here. I disagreed with you on something, pointed out where I think you've gone wrong, and so far you're the only one to actually throw any insults around or express any particularly strong negative emotions. Not that expressing emotion in an online debate is wrong, quite the opposite - I strongly believe that anyone is entitled to get emotional about whatever makes them emotional and if it informs their position all the more important to express it. I have some strong feelings about this topic as you clearly also do, the difference between us is I haven't insulted you or your ability to discourse as a result of those feelings. We both know that online debate can be incredibly toxic and I'm glad it's not here, but so far you have been far more antagonistic than I have, yet have the gall to say I'm somehow in the wrong for "feeling attacked" - geez I wonder why I might be feeling attacked.

As I said at the start of my reply, I'm happy to continue to discuss this with you. Politely and respectfully.

[life-through-my-eyess]

I wouldn’t mind some advice.

I’m a lesbian. I matched with the most wonderful woman on a dating app maybe three weeks ago. We hit it off, basically one of us would send 30+ messages and the other would respond in kind, constant questions back and forth.

However, her profile didn’t indicate her sexuality at all, and she said she was figuring out her dating goals. So I have no idea if she’s just speaking to me as a friend or what. Surely she knows a lesbian on a dating app is, well…wanting to date?

We met up this weekend. She dressed up, did her make up. I don’t know if she is someone who always takes pride or if she was doing it specifically for me. We are both nervous and it starts a little awkwardly, but we end up eating together and chatting for 2.5 hours and then she wants to take me to get coffee after quickly.

Here’s the thing. She said she’s an ally. She talked about men as if they are inevitable. But she also said she has never been attracted to one irl, only fictional (she said fictional women too), and has never had sex with one and doesn’t want to. She referred to the idea of marrying a man as a transaction. She said she thinks “all girls are so so so pretty” but didn’t seem to fully clock that maybe there’s interest there. She seemed really averse to romance and sex in general. I got the sense that she’s certainly wondered if maybe she’s queer but seemed really stuck.

In a way that kind of confirmed for me that it wasn’t a date, except it really felt like a date. I’ve met up with sapphics before who I had purely platonic vibes with and the vibe was different. I complimented her eyes, just randomly because the thought came into my head, and she looked a little shook but not uncomfortable? She also seemed to fully acknowledge that apps are usually for dating too.

Anyway I guess because I’ve always known I’m a lesbian since like birth, I’d love to know if anyone can understand her perspective or why exactly she wanted to go out with a lesbian.

Hey, thank you for reaching out. I apologise for the delay with the response.

Tbh she seems very confused. I mean, she’s probably on the dating apps to speak to other women to maybe befriend them and see if she likes women or not. She’s probably trying to figure it out. You can meet some of the best people through dating apps, dating apps are not used just for dating. I’ve had it in the past where I’ve only wanted more queer friends and that’s where I could find them. She probably wanted to just speak to a lesbian and see maybe how they view things. She also might find it hard to actually go out there and speak to lesbians.

If you like this girl I’d suggest you just be open and honest about it with her. Ask her the questions as you are getting to know her. We sometimes assume things but we never ask the person and often we get it wrong.

You can ask her if she’s ever dated a girl? Or if she ever sees herself with one etc. Maybe you could have the mindset of just being friends, starting basic and see where things lead if you like her a lot you can progress it if it feels right and comfortable if not you have made a great new friend.

I understand that people can be challenging sometimes and it’s never easy. But if you ask all the right questions even when there is a closed book you will find answers you never thought you’d find.

I know I haven’t said much but I truly believe she is confused. Feel free to keep me updated on how things are going. I’d love to hear more 🥰 💕.

[cobble-stone]

🔥 - How has the way you think about yourself changed since you realized you were queer?

🌼 - If you used any other labels before your current one, what were they?

🌾 - How queer do you think you look? Would it be obvious to someone that you were queer if they looked at you?

🌱 - How would your younger self act if your current self told them they were queer?

💙 - When you first learned about the Queer community, did you immediately realize ‘That’s me!’ Or did you consider yourself a ‘really good ally’ for some time?

🔥: When I first figured out that I was queer it kinda like- it was very much a “ah. so that’s why Things Are the way they Are,” with the way they Are being the reason i felt so- other, to everyone else. I later figured out the reason for said othered feeling was actually because i was autistic. Figuring out I was trans was more- it was a lot harder and not an immediate “yes that’s me,” and while there’s been difficult parts, it’s largely been a very good thing for me. I started putting more effort into how I look/present because I wasn’t just completely apathetic towards my appearance, I actually- had ways that I wanted to look and realized I could feel happy in my appearance instead of just trying my best to ignore it

🌼: I identified as a lesbian for like….three? Years? From when I was 12 until I was 15. It turns out I was not a lesbian, I just didn’t want a romantic relationship where I was “the woman,” which meant even just the thought of dating men was very uncomfortable for me. I started questioning my gender properly when I was 15, and realized I was nonbinary. I just identified as gay and nonbinary but like gay in the “every attraction I experience is gay” way. Now I’m just unlabeled and a trans man, I’ve tried finding labels but like- nothing fits? I’ve tested out identifying as aroace, as gay, as bi, as combinations, and like. I’ve just come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter sexuality is a social construct I can just do whatever. I have no canonical sexuality feel free to impose whatever headcanons you want onto me as long as you know they aren’t canon

🌾: I used to look a lot more queer, but I decided to go mostly stealth at college (I’ll tell people I’m trans if it’s relevant but like- most people just accept i’m just Some Guy), I was only really openly trans in high school because I had to be in order for people to know I was a guy. The dyed hair (I have an underbleach) and my general style is like- vaguely edgy. Like if someone diluted an alt kid. I don’t immediately look queer but I also don’t immediately look straight. I used to put in more effort but like I’m tired man I don’t want to get all dressed up just for class every day

🌱: I think if I told (deadname) or Blue that she turned out to be a guy she would be. Very confused. I was not a tomboy as a kid at all, I honestly had very little concept of gender or sexuality for a long time. It used to be kinda distressing for me and it was why I was hesitant to identify as a trans guy for a long time- it’s kinda the common stereotype for a trans person to always just know, and I didn’t just know. How I see it now is like- (deadname) and Blue are separate from who I am now, (deadname) and Blue weren’t a guy, but I, Cobalt, sure am.

💙: Kinda both! When I first realized I was queer it was cause I saw “women could kiss women,” took the Strange Discomfort at the idea of dating men, did the math wrong, and immediately went “ah yes. i’m a lesbian.” I then very much was “just a good ally” about trans people for three years, to the point where my logic was “I can’t possibly be trans, that’d be transphobic of me.” This was especially doubled because I was just starting to poke at my transgenderness right as the end of the truscum era of the trans community, and like- my general opinion was “everyone is valid regardless of their identity or dysphoria but *I* can’t be trans *I* don’t have dysphoria.” (despite the fact that i did have dysphoria, it just wasn’t the stereotype of dysphoria just being “overwhelmingly bad body dysphoria” so I thought I didn’t .”

[unhingedexperimenter]

Even though he had seen the exhibits they had up before, it was as if Dr. Two-Brains were seeing them through new eyes. He enjoyed being led from each exhibit by Henry. The villain also had to admit he enjoyed being able to speak about their interest in science freely. Without needing to explain what he was speaking about. Henry had understood what he had to say. He loved it when Henry shared his thoughts as well. Showing off the intelligence he knew the teacher had. Dr.Two-Brains hadn't let go of Henry's arm once during the duration of the date yet. The villain loved being able to be so close with the teacher like this. Though if I was going to be honest, sometimes Dr.Two-Brains couldn't catch what the other had said sometimes. Not that Henry bored him. Not at all. He just got distracted by how attractive he found the other. How close in proximity he was as well. That made it more difficult to concentrate. They had no idea that their second date had a few observers this time around. One pair of eyes belonged to a fatherly kind of person. Only having been watching to keep things from potentially getting out of hand. The other set of eyes belonged to one of the four, keeping watch just in case the villain needed help with his date. They had walked past an exhibit that caused Henry to stop in his tracks. It was about chemistry. The villain took immediate notice of this. “Henry, are you alright?” The teacher shook himself out from deep thoughts. “I'm sorry, this just reminded me of an old experiment of mine. It didn't exactly work out like I wanted it to. I apologize for worrying you. We should be focused on having fun. Don't worry about it, alright?.” Dr.Two-Brains shook his head. “I would rather make sure you're alright. I don't want you uncomfortable on our date. I want you to have fun too. Your experience matters to me as well.” The way Dr.Two-Brains looked at him with such caring eyes, it made his heart skip a beat. “Thank you. It's nothing worth worrying about.” Jenkins didn't mean to bump into Adrian. Nearly sending the other man to the floor. “Oh, I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.” Jenkins felt embarrassed by this. “No, no. It's my fault as well. I wasn't paying attention as well. I was distracted by something else.” Once the two men finished apologizing to each other, they didn't realize that their targets to watch had already left the building. Henry leading Dr.Two-Brains out. Having spent a few hours walking around by then. “I did my research on the place I want to take you too. It has everything for someone who loves cheese. I thought it would be perfect for you.” That caused the villain some worry. He already knew which one Henry was speaking of. Unfortunately, he was banned from there. “Henry, that's so thoughtful of you. I'm happy you were thinking of me but-” Henry caught him off. The warm smile never leaves his face. “Banned? I know. I managed to convince the restaurant to lift their ban against you.” He had used a bit of Hyde's stolen jewelry from his thieving in London to bribe their way in and for them to remove the villain from the ban list. Dr.Two-Brains looked impressed by this. “No one has gone through that much trouble just for me. Thank you. It must have taken a lot of convincing.” Henry shook his head. “For this, it was worth the effort. I wanted to say thank you for treating me the first time around.” This guy kept on making this long awaited second date better and better as time went on. By the time they had reached said restaurant, they were reluctantly let in. The staff kept a very close and watchful eye on Dr.Two-Brains. Though he didn't pay any attention to that at all. His eyes were set on his date. Soon, their orders were taken. Dr.Two-Brains had gotten the cheesiest meal he could get. Henry chose something random.

@thecountoflondonfansite

(You can tag me on my tgs side blog. I also apologize but I know a few Scottish words. So to anyone reading this I apologize for the inaccuracy.) Becky Boxleitner noticed a change in the atmosphere as she and her pet monkey Bob walked into the sixth grade classroom. All of the students were excitedly chatting with one another. Becky and Bob exchanged confused looks at the scene. 'What is going on?' They both thought. Becky walked to where her friends Violet Heaslip, Rose Franklin, and Todd Scoops Ming were sitting, also joining in the excited yet low volume chattering. "Hey guys what's going on?" Becky asked her friends. They each turned their heads to greet their friend. "Hey Becky guess what, we're getting a new teacher for our class!" Scoops exclaimed. Becky looked surprised at the announcement. Bob also mimicked her facial expression. "Wait really? What happened to Miss Davis?" Becky asked, wondering what happened to their old teacher. It was just a week only into the new school year so a sudden teacher exchange was a complete shock to Becky especially since there were no announcements about it beforehand. "Miss Davis had to move back home because of a family emergency." Rose Franklin answered. "The principal had to scramble to find a new teacher to fill in for our class. It was all last minute stuff." Becky nodded in understanding of her friends' answers. It was a nice perk to be friends who were upcoming reporters. Soon the final bell rang which indicated for every student to take their seats. Becky took her place beside her best friend Violet and Bob plopped down next to her. Soon a man who looked to be in his mid 30s walked in and towards the desk. He had curly brown air, an arched nose, and reddish brown eyes. He wore a tan button-down shirt with a red vest as well as brown slacks and dark suede shoes. The man gave a pleasant and warm smile to all the students there. "Hello my name is Dr. Henry Jekyll and I will be your teacher for the school year." Becky and the other kids ears perked up as they took note of the man's accent. Even Tobey became slightly interested in his new teacher. None of them were sure where their new teacher was from. Dr. Jekyll gave a light chuckle as if he could sense their growing curiosity about him. He lightly clapped his hands together to gain their undivided attention and focus. "Well since this is my first time teaching here, why don't we all play a little game so we can all get better acquainted with each other. Here's what to do. One at a time, say your name and share a wee bit about yourself. Likes, family, interests and all that. I'll go first to show ya what ah mean. Again. My name is Dr. Henry Jekyll. I was born in Glasgow but ah moved to London where I attended university. I have a five year old wee lassie or daughter named Amber. I enjoy chemistry and reading on occasions. Now who would like to go next?" @unhingedexperimenter

Of course Tobey had taken the opportunity to place attention on himself and to have a reason to boast about himself. “My name is Tobey McCallister the third and I will be the most intelligent student you'll meet here.” The others had rolled their eyes, used to this kind of behavior from their peers. Becky seemed to be the most annoyed by it. Having been forced to put up with his destructive tantrums in the past. Henry smiled just as warmly as before. Unbothered by the obnoxious behavior that the boy had been displaying. Tobey had been going on about himself for a good few minutes before the teacher finally spoke up. “Ahem, yes. Thank you for that Mr. McCallister. Would anyone else like to tell me a bit about themselves as well?” No one could tell that behind the facade, Dr. Henry Jekyll was becoming more irritated by the moment. Not by the child but by the pest that refused to leave him be. Scoffing within his head at what they just heard. He didn't share the disembodied voice's opinion but wanted to give the other children a chance to introduce themselves as well. To the others' shock, Tobey seemed to have taken this well. Quickly going back to his desk with no issues. Becky was relieved at that. Soon the other children had started to introduce themselves to their new teacher with little to no issues. He seemed genuinely nice enough to her. This new teacher didn't seem like most of the adults within this city. Some she had to define words repeatedly for. Dr. Jekyll knew what he was teaching and knew his vocabulary. It was Violet who had brought Becky out from her own thoughts, calling her name. Waving a hand in front of her face. “Becky?” The girl smiled in an embarrassed manner. “Huh? Yes?” Violet smiled, patient with her best friend. “Why don't you introduce yourself now? Nearly everybody else already did.” She had given a surprised expression. Becky hadn't realized that she was so lost within her thoughts until then. She stood up and began speaking. “My name is Becky Boxleitner and I also like libraries,reading and Pretty Princess.” The presence that was grating at the teacher's nerves had deemed this too dull to enjoy. Leaving Dr. Jekyll be to his teaching. Well, getting to know his students. He was happy to see that they were engaged in these activities that were meant to break the ice. Though one student in particular had caught his attention the most. Becky. While she did seem rather bright, there was something strange about her behavior at times. Pausing whatever she was doing at the time to listen in on something. Thinking it went unnoticed. Even once looking alarmed and she made an excuse to go to the bathroom. He had allowed it. Feeling that it would've been better to have let her. It seemed…oddly familiar. As if he had seen that behavior somewhere before but couldn't figure out exactly where from. When the school day was finally over, Becky had gone to go home like the others. Dr. Jekyll had of course stayed behind to set more things up within his new classroom. Making a plan on exactly what he'll actually start teaching the next day. Though, the grating voice had returned to be a thorn in his side. “Come on. Leave this boring stuff alone. Leave it until tomorrow. I've been pent up for far too long. Let's have some fun.” This had earned an eye roll and a loud huff from the teacher. “No, I've got to get this done now. You will have enough time tonight. Just be patient until then.” A shadowy figure formed in front of Dr. Jekyll. A frown on its face. “But this is so extremely dull. I want to stretch my legs. I want to make myself known already.” Dr. Jekyll glared. “And that is precisely why I'm so hesitant to let you out so soon. At least let us get acclimated to our surroundings first.” The figure let out an annoyed groan. “You know you want this as much as I do. Otherwise you'd never have any actual fun in the sad and pathetic life you call yours.”

@thecountoflondonfansite

[late-to-the-party-81]

Things that go bump in the night

AN: And it's day 14 and we're getting closer to the half way point.

Today's fic is a DARK fic. You have been warned. This story contains outright NON-CON.

I’m using dialogue prompts from this post by @nightprompts and they can be found emboldened in the text.

Kinktober 2022 Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Beta’d by @mickeyhenrys

Dividers by @firefly-graphics, banners and covers by me.

Grouping: Jefferson x Reader, Lee Bodecker x Reader, Charles Blackwood x Reader, Nick Fowler x Reader

CW: Gangbang, Clothing disparity, kidnap, RAPE, Explicit sexual content, threats of violence, drugging, basement wife-ing

Word Count: 2.4k

Your mouth felt dry as you woke, and your eyes felt gritty. You lifted your hand to rub the rough particles away but were brought to full wakefulness as you realised that your movement was restricted. Your eyes shot open, images and memories from last night assaulting your brain at lighting speed.

Your blind-date with Jeff, no Jefferson.

Tall, dark, handsome, certainly, but your date had had an aura about him that had made you less than comfortable, and before the end of the second drink you’d already decided there wouldn’t be a follow-up. However, when he’d been away in the bathroom a man with sandy chestnut hair, well coiffured, had approached you, flirting overtly and in quite an aggressive manner. What was it about you and attracting men so covered in red flags they may as well be parade bunting?

Jefferson had returned and there had been a stand-off between the two men, which turned into verbal sparring, with you caught in the middle, trying to mediate, and feeling more and more uncomfortable. As the men’s voices had gotten louder a third man had come over, the local sheriff.

He was obviously trying to talk sense into Jefferson and the aggressive stranger, but he was a big man, and standing where he had, he’d loomed over you, blocking out your vision of the rest of the bar, as well as your exit.

You’d felt your panic start to rise, but by this point the three men surrounding you hadn’t been

paying any attention. Feeling as though you were going to throw up any moment, you’d been

relieved when a hand had wrapped around your arm and plucked you out of the middle of the angry circle and pulled you outside the bar.

“Hey there. Are you okay? Looks like things were getting heated and you were obviously uncomfortable.”

Wiping your damp palms down your dress, you looked up at the concerned stranger. Neatly cut dark brown hair, a bit of stubble and piercing blue eyes, he was definitely handsome, but your thought was fleeting. You just wanted to go home.

“Um, thanks for helping me out. It wasn’t really how I envisaged my night going, but I suppose that’s the risk you take on going on blind dates; you’re never quite sure who you’re going to get.” Your lips twitched up as you tried to inject some levity into the situation, but you knew that your smile didn’t reach your eyes. The had man let out a short snort of laughter, letting you know he’d fully understood your situation.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes, I’ll be fine.” You’d reached into your bag for your phone. “I’ll just call a taxi and head home.”

Rooting around in your bag, with your head down, you hadn’t noticed the stranger move closer, only looking up when you felt a scratch on your neck. You’d looked into his eyes with a gasp, drowning in the blueness of them until the whole world had gone dark.

You breathed in deeply through your nose, trying to keep yourself calm. Your first instinct was to shout out, but you thought better of it. You were naked and tied to a bed. The chances that there was someone else in the house other than your kidnapper was slim. Instead, you studied your surroundings.

The room was dark, with no windows and had a musty damp smell to it. So probably a basement.

Great. Limited routes for escape. The sound of a door creaking somewhere above you, and footsteps on stairs confirmed your subterranean location. You listened and realised that it was more than one set of footsteps. You couldn’t hold back a tremor of fear now – more than one captor just greatly reduced your odds of getting free.

When they came into view a bubble of hysterical laughter came up your throat.

Of course. It had all been a total set up.

Jefferson walked up to the side of the bed, hat perched jauntily on his head and a grin on his face. He trailed his beringed knuckles down the side of your cheek in a gross caress.

“Ain’t you pretty, all trussed up like this for us.” He looked over his shoulder at your erstwhile rescuer. “You done good, Nicky.”

‘Nicky’ rolled his eyes at the condescending note in Jefferson’s voice, but didn’t say anything, just leant against the wall, took a wicked looking switchblade from his pocket and proceeded to clean his fingernails with the tip.

With his attention back on you, Jefferson stroked his hands over your body, smiling when you let out a yelp when he tweaked one of your nipples.

“Let go of me,” you ground out. “Why am I here, Jefferson?”

“Feisty, I like it!” He bounced on his toes a couple of times and clapped his hands, in manic glee, before bending over you, face close to your ear. “We’ve been waiting, Sheriff Lee, Charles, Nicky and me. Waiting for our own little ray of sunshine to come brighten our days and warm our nights.”  His fingers trailed down your stomach and you bucked your hips, trying to stop his descent. “Be a good girl and maybe we’ll untie you.”

Anger surged through you. “Get off me, you bastard!” Jefferson swooped his hand back up to grip your neck, and squeezed lightly.

“I don’t think you are in any position to make demands here, treasure.” He kissed you then, hard and possessive, his lips forcing yours open and thrusting his tongue inside. You considered biting him, but what would that achieve? When his hand left your neck, it went straight to your pussy, his fingers easily parting your folds and stroking surprisingly gently. He found your clit with ease and you cursed your body when it started to respond. You closed your eyes and told yourself over and over that it was just a physical reaction. Jefferson trailed his kisses down your body and you strained against your bonds. The sound of heavy footsteps nearing had you looking up again. The sheriff, Lee, approached, staring intently at you, thumbs hooked in a belt that was struggling to hold his pants up over his thick waist. His uniform shirt strained over his chest and his broad arms.

“You look as sweet as a peach pie there, darlin’. Can’t wait to try you out. But maybe, while ole’ Jeff here is getting you to sing, I’ll have a little taste.” With a meaty hand he groped at one of your breasts, mesmerised for a few seconds by how your flesh spilled out between his fingers, but then he was bending over you and sucking your breast into his mouth. This coincided with Jefferson attaching his lips to your pussy. You bit your lip, desperately trying not to give any sign of your physical enjoyment, but you knew it was a losing battle. Kidnapping bastards they maybe, but the two touching you at least knew how to please a woman. 

More footsteps and you realised the other two men, Charles and Nick-Nicky-whatever, had moved closer two, watching. You could see the obvious bulges in their pants and you lost your tentative control over your body. You scrunched up your eyes, eager not to see them as they watched you cum, shaking under Jefferson and Lee, small squeaks and whimpers escaping your lips. You opened your eyes when Jefferson lifted his head, his lips glistening as he grinned at you.

“See, we’re not all bad.”  His hands went to his belt, and it clanked loudly in the space as he undid it. He reached in and pulled out his cock, stroking it as he looked at you. The rings on his fingers shone under the light and you couldn’t pull your gaze away. He climbed up onto the bed, crawling over you, the disparity between your naked, vulnerable state and all of their clothed, power-wielding states was stark.

“Please. Don’t.” You whispered your plea, but Jefferson kept grinning, kept looking at you and kept moving up over your body. You closed your eyes again as he pressed his lips to your neck and thrust inside you. The air was punched from your lungs, and you gave him a silent thanks for giving you some prep. He sucked and bit at your neck as he fucked you, and you gripped the ropes tethering your arms to the bed.

“I’ve found you now, my treasure. Gonna keep you here, fuck this pussy whenever I need.” You tried to ignore his unhinged rambling and prayed he’d finish soon, because he was unfairly good at this, stimulating your body better than any previous lover. Your prayers were answered when he groaned, and you felt him cumming inside you. You turned your head to the side, staring at the wall as he clambered off you, but he gripped your chin with his hand, turning you back to face him, so he could kiss you again. He didn’t even seem to care that you weren’t reciprocating.  

He finally moved away, easing down onto a chaise longue on the other side of the room, uncaring of the silent tears that ran down your cheeks. But someone else noticed.

“Don’t cry darlin’. You’ll find that it’s not so bad. We can be good to you.” Lee moved back into your field of vision, and with his thumb, swiped your tears from your cheeks, before sucking the digit into his mouth.

“I…I just don’t understand why. Why me?”

“Well, you’re the only one we could all agree on.” He climbed up on the bed, apparently his turn to undo his belt and take what he wanted. “Beautiful, smart, good with kids, a domestic goddess.” He shoved his uniform pants down and pulled his cock out of boxers. Like Jefferson, he was definitely generously endowed. “Now be a good girl.”

He pushed into you, and moaned. His large stomach pressed against yours, the buttons and material of his shirt rubbing over your skin. His mouth sloppily attached to one of your breasts again. You knew you were going to cum again, and soon, although you wished you wouldn’t.

“Now come on, baby. Don’t look so sad. Open your mouth. As Lee said, be a good girl.”

The man called Charles, the suave and handsome asshole from the bar, stood by your head, his own cock out of his well tailored pants and pointing at your mouth. The sad thing about all of this was that none of the men were ugly, or anything, at least not physically. Why they’d had to resort to this you didn’t know, although at this point you didn’t care. Your overriding thought was survival. You opened your mouth.

Charles was musky, perfumed almost, and well groomed, of which you weren’t surprised. When Charles pressed into your throat you gagged slightly, your body tensing and Lee moaned around your breast when he felt you involuntarily clench around him. Charles was making similar noises, feeling your throat constrict around his length, felt your tongue against the underside of him.

“Fuck, baby. Such a good whore for us.” Your eyes watered from Charles’ assault on your throat and the way that every thrust of Lee’s hips pushed you further onto the cock in your mouth. Charles put his hand around your throat, and groaned as he felt himself there. Lee pressed you into the bed and his body rubbed back and forth over your clit, stimulating it just right (or from your current point of view, wrong). Your second orgasm hit you like a freight train, and was equally as unwelcome.

Lee popped off your breast and threw his head back, virtually roaring as he pumped his seed into your already overflowing pussy. He’d barely finished emptying himself when he slid out of you, and shimmied down your body, holding your folds apart and watching the sticky white fluid leak out of you.

“Ain’t that a wonderful sight.”  

You screwed your eyes tight again and you felt Charles increase his pace. You gagged and spluttered, and your bound hands fluttered uselessly as Charles spilled down your throat, giving you no choice but to swallow what he gave you. He tucked himself away and pushed his hair out of his eyes as he, Lee and Jefferson made their way towards the stairs that led up and out of your prison. They passed Nick on the way, bidding him good-bye. Jefferson hopped onto the bottom step but ducked back down to leer at you once again.

“Au revoir, treasure - see you again soon!”

The three men made their way upwards, the basement door closing behind them and you tracked their steps across the floor above your head.

The mattress dipped by your side and you turned to look at Nick, the only man remaining. You wished you could shrink in on yourself, but your bonds prevented it.

“Please. Please let me go. I won’t tell, I promise. I’ll go far away. I’ll…” Nick pulled his blade out of his pocket and flicked it open, making your words die in your throat. He trailed it lightly down your body and you didn’t dare breath, lest he knick you. You were surprised though when he cut through the bonds on your ankles and then leant up to cut the ones at your wrists. You sat up and rubbed at the welts that had appeared, confusion clouding your features.

“You’re…you’re letting me go?”

Nick smiled at you, dark and predatory and you realised you were wrong. You tried to launch yourself off the bed, but your muscles didn’t obey you and you were quickly grabbed and flipped onto your stomach.

“Let you go, sweetheart?  Why would I want to do that? With you here, under my roof, I can have you whenever,” he tapped over your asshole with the handle of his knife, “and however I want. There’s so many things I wanna do to you.”

You scrabbled at the bed clothes and could no longer stop the sobs from escaping your body as you heard the slide of his zipper and felt his hand on the back of your neck, holding you down.

There was no escape.

Tag list: @christywantspizza @jobean12-blog @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky @tuiccim @yarnforbrains @maladaptivexxdaydreaming @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @ohsymphony @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @chemtrails-club @seitmai @poppunksnowwhite @navybrat817

[inej-ruination-ghafa]

BLACK CAT - A.G!P.P

Warnings: occasional fluff, fighting, a tad bit of angst, mentions of blood

Pairing: Andrew Garfield! Peter Parker x Fem!reader

Summary: Peter may have spider senses but he can't figure out the alter ego of his best friend Y/N. That is until they cross paths, leading them to dangers unknown.

Wordcount: 2.3k

He knew something was up. Peter sat on the roof of the school, looking out at the skyline. You were acting so weird lately, lying about where you were, about what you were doing. Although in your defense, he was doing the same thing.

And then he saw her. The Black Cat. She was a masked vigilante who was going around in the night.

Right now, she was jumping over the buildings, chasing after a man in a grey ski mask. Peter wasn't quite sure where she got her leather suit from but he needed their number, his suit wasn't up to shape.

What he didn't know was that the person behind the suit of the Black Cat was you. 

You were the person who he kept seeing, who kept interrupting his attempts to save the New York people. 

The next day at school, you sat next to your best friend, the two of you laughing at lunch about something or other.

"Okay then, now Spiderman, he just seems to be a really hot guy," you said, raising your eyebrows in a suggestive manner. 

Peter choked on his food, "What?" He asked and you looked over, laughing at the blush that began to spread across his face. 

"Swinging across all those towers? He must be so ripped underneath that suit. And he seems so sweet, whoever he's dating must be one lucky lady," you continued, watching as Peter shuffled around in his chair. 

"No, he looks so lanky and tall and is probably like a thirty year old man," he explained, trying to divert the conversation away from spiderman. The fact that his best friend who he'd been in love with since they were children thought that spiderman was attractive was too much for his ego, "And anyway, who says spiderman has a girlfriend,"

Harry walked up to them, sitting down at the table, "You know who is hot? That Black Cat," Harry said and now it was your turn to feel awkward and blush, "That leather outfit does her wonders, she must be so smoking under that mask,"

"Come on Harry," Peter shook his head as he said that. It was almost like he felt jealous, almost uncomfortable talking about this girl in such a way.

"Yeah, she probably doesn't appreciate that," you said, trying to move the conversation on from the way that you looked in the outfit. The idea of it was never to look sexy, it was meant to be light and hard to see in the dark.

"Whatever man," he said with a chuckle, taking a bite out of his sandwich. He started up a conversation, not noticing the distant expression on both of his friends' faces. 

That night you were out on patrol, going to an area that you knew the mob were going to be at the local deli. You stood around the corner, watching as they walked in before confronting them.

"Come on boys, there's no need to steal," you said, holding your hands up as you began to fight against them.

You had trained in martial arts since a child and you were able to hold your own against these stronger men.

You had only one guy left, a large man in a white suit that wouldn't seem to take any of the punches you would throw his way. He punched you in the gut, knocking you into the wall. You coughed, trying to take deep breaths and gather your senses.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" A voice asked and you turned around to see Spiderman standing in the doorway. 

He jumped down, webbing the man and knocking him unconscious against the wall. He slumped down, joining the rest of the mob as they lay on the floor. 

"You know I had him," you said, looking at the now unconscious man.

"Sure you did," Peter said before walking out. You followed him, chasing him into an alleyway yelling his name.

"Spiderman!" You yelled out and he stopped. You approached him, pushing your finger against his chest, "I don't need your help, I don't need anyone's help okay. So stay out of my business,"

It started to rain and you scoffed, looking around in annoyance. He chuckled, you almost reminded him of someone, someone from school. It reminded him of you. 

"Whatever you want Black Cat," he said before swinging off.

You stomped your foot, scoffing as you looked around, "What an idiot," you said to yourself, "Thinks he's like high and mighty,"

You gasped as you saw him hanging from the fire escape of one of the buildings, "You know, it's not nice to talk about someone behind their back," he said and you could almost see the smirk on his face.

You huffed, "You really aren't going to leave me alone are you," you asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

He hung upside down, looking at you in the pouring rain. "You're gonna catch a cold," he said, ignoring your comment and instead only noticing that you were soaking wet and nearly shaking. 

"I don't care," you said, folding you arms against your chest, "I don't need you to lecture me,"

"Thanks for saving me back there, I always thought you were a criminal, you've just been trying to help everyone," he explained and you scoffed, looking at Spiderman.

You both stared at each other, breathing heavily. It was like you were being pulled together by some sort of magnetic force and even though you didn't know who he was, you could trust him. 

You reached for the place where his mask is and he froze, "You can't see my face," he muttered, voice seeming lower than it was before.

"I won't," you whispered, rolling it down slightly to reveal his lips. You both smiled as you leant in, lips touching against each other. 

It was perfect, you placed your hands either side of his face, the kiss becoming more and more passionate by the second. It was like trying a drug, and now that you'd had a taste, you were completely hooked on him. Addicted. 

And he felt the same. Kissing you made him forget about his fruitless crush. If only you both knew that the person you really wanted to kiss, to love, was right in front of you. 

When you pulled away, both of your hearts were pounding and you felt like you couldn't breathe. 

You both leaned back in until you heard the loud drumming of sirens, the noise ricocheting off of the walls and echoing in your ears. 

"I should go help," he said, allowing you to pull the mask back up his face, "And you, you should go home," he jumped down, taking your hands in his.

"Okay," you said, pressing a kiss to his mask clad cheek before you walked away. You turned around, looking at him over your shoulder before walking home. 

When you sat in your room that night, you felt slightly giddy from kissing the man. It wasn't your first kiss, you had kissed Peter in second grade for spin the bottle, but it felt so different. You had literally said earlier that day you thought he was attractive and God, he was a good kisser. But there was this sense of guilt as you realised you still had feelings for Peter even if you tried to cover them up. Spider Man's kiss may have been perfect, but if was a mistake 

Two weeks later and you hadn't seen Spiderman since then. You were walking along the bridge when you saw three men from the mob were trying to mug a young woman. 

"Hey, why don't you pick on someone your own size jerks, jeez," you said and the woman ran away as the men turned their attention onto you. 

They ran towards you and you hit him in the stomach, watching as he fell against the floor. Whilst you were fighting against the men, Spiderman swung in and he fought them off. 

You stepped back, not wanting to blow your cover seeing as you were not in your suit anymore.

"Stay there ma'am," he said and you chuckled but stepped back, standing against the edge of the bridge as you watched him fight them off. 

One of them set off a bomb and you watched as it knocked the part of the bridge tou were on completely. It began to crack and fall off and with it you fell. 

"Help!" You called out. He turned around, heart suddenly in his throat as he realised you were falling, falling down into the river. 

He hit the last man round the head, knocking him out, before jumping after you. He shot a web and it managed to grab you. He shot another web out and it latched onto the sturdy part of the bridge, holding you safe.

"Spiderman!" You yelled out, voice laced with fear and panic. You were hanging on by only the webs of this man who you were beginning to fall for. You were breathing heavily and you were so, so scared. Your heart was pounding in your chest and you couldn't breath as you looked up at him. 

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm gonna get you up," he said, grunting as he tried to hold on. The mob members that had bombed the bridge were gone now, but you both had to get back up. 

You just held your breath, watching as he began to pull you up by the web. You could only think of one thing in that moment. God, you really wanted to tell Peter how you felt about him.

He pulled you close and you held on tight. Peter was breathing heavily, he was glad that you were okay. He didn't care about the fact that he kissed Black Cat anymore, he was just glad that he was able to keep you safe.

"It's okay, I've got you," he said, beginning to pull both of you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist, holding on tightly as you waited to be pulled up. 

When you both got back up, the crowd that had gathered applauded and one of the paramedics rushed towards you, seeing the blood running down your forehead.

"Thank you," you whispered to him before he ran off, swinging into the distance. You just watched him go away, a smile on your face as everything became clear. 

You sat in the stretcher, ignoring the paramedics as they helped the people around you. And then you spotted him. 

"Peter," you said, rushing towards him as you saw him in the crowd. You jumped off the stretcher in the ambulance and jumped into his arms.

"I heard about what happened, I came as fast as I could," He explained, even though he actually was the one that saved you, you could never know, "Are you okay?"

"Just a bit spooked, they want to take me for precautions," you explained. Looking into those perfect brown eyes, you knew that you were safe and everything was going to be okay.

"I need to talk to you," you both said at the same time, laughing at each other, "No, you go first," you said at the same time again.

"Okay. Listen Peter, when I was up there, I just thought about the fact that I wanted to tell you how I felt," you explained, neither of you breaking eye contact, "I love you so much and-"

He cut you off, "I love you too," he said before pulling you in for a kiss, lips pressing against each other in a passionate way that reminded you of him. 

You both pulled away, eyes wide as you realised the truth. His lips were so familiar, that brilliant kiss was familiar. He was Spiderman. 

"You're him," you said, a smile on your face. The reason why you felt so compelled to kiss Spiderman that night was because you knew, subconsciously, that he was Peter Parker.

"And you're her," he said, a wide grin on his face. 

You began to ramble on about how you must have known. Peter smiled to himself, he loved it when you rambled on but right now, he just wanted to kiss you again. 

"Shut up," he whispered, pulling you in by the waist and dipping you slightly as he kissed you again, lips moving against each others in a perfect way, like you were made for each other. 

[salemwritesxx]

𝓯𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾.

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚  𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠  |  ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

     ⇴ male reader [22, chubby, 194cm]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ summary: [Your.name] is a chubby and tall man, someone who definitely didn’t fit Japan’s beauty standards. Safe to say, he wasn’t the most confident. However, during one group date, it finally all changes when he meets someone who is certainly very interested in him.

↣ rating: general audiences ↣ warnings: modern AU; self-deprecation; chubby, tall reader; reader’s “friends” being assholes to chubby reader; hawks and reader have a happy end tho; hawks is a simp for reader from the first minute on, ok?

part 2.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

“Come with us, they said. It will be fun, they said.”, you mumbled to yourself as you stood there. Awkward. Alone. Ignored. Too afraid the tiny bar stools would collapse underneath your big ass, hence why you chose to rather stand than sit.

Why did you let yourself get dragged into this group date? You wanted to say no in the beginning, but with your friends pestering you, you kind of agreed in the end. Though now, you knew all too well why you didn’t want to come.

As a chubby and very tall man, you weren’t the type that people, or rather, gay men, drooled over. At least you hadn’t had anyone show interest in you like that. Maybe it was because you were rather shy and thus not as loud as many of your fellow male friends, or you were the “wrong chubby”. Whatever it was, you were not attractive. Society made sure to tell you that at least once a day and sometimes those nice and kind people, not, were even going out of their way to tell you what a nuisance your were with your tall, fat ass taking up space. And in Japan, where everything was not really built to accommodate people like you, it was sometimes very hard to fit into things.

While you were sighing to yourself for the nth time and making sure to put yourself down as much as you could, you certainly didn’t realize how someone was always glancing at you. Hawks was one of the four gay men you and your friends had met today for said group date. Ever since he saw you, he had the urge to talk to you and get to know you. You were so tall and handsome and t h i c k. You could probably swing him around and break him like a toothpick. Just thinking about it made him grin.

However, it almost seemed like you had a shield around you he just couldn’t break through. He could guess why. Not only once had he seen people bullying the ones that didn’t fit the norm. Too fat, too skinny, too small, too tall – there was no end. People always found reasons to put others down. With how you stood there all alone, trying to make yourself as small as possible, Kei understood you tried to hide and you were uncomfortable. Even though you literally had nothing to hide. God, he wished he had met you sooner.

“Oiii Ta-ka-mi-san!”, his thoughts were rudely interrupted.

“What are you staring at Takami-san?”, then one of your friends, who was obviously interested in him, looked in the direction as well.

“Ah. [Your.name], huh? He’s like a car accident, right? You don’t wanna look but you also can’t really look away.”, your ‘friend’ laughed and Kei could have not been more disgusted by that behavior.

“God I wish I could just punch you, you fucking idiot!”, Keigo thought, furious and having to gulp down the anger.

Thus, he just smiled a little before he silently stood up to walk over to you, ignoring the calling of your ‘friend’. Instead, he got all nervous all of a sudden. Normally, he was the one being confessed to, not the one confessing or even initiating a conversation. Takami was used to people fawning over him, he was a rather successful model after all, hence why it was so hard to find someone who wasn’t just interested in him sexually or because of his money. And it did not help one bit that he found you so unbelievably attractive as well, his nervousness was at its peak.

“Hey. You’re… [Your.name], right?”, he tried to sound very casual as he leaned against the bar beside you. AND MY GOD, he was so tiny compared to you. He loved it. The way he had to look up so much.

You were rather surprised to get attention, especially from someone like Hawks. Like, he was so out of your league it was ridiculous to even think he would even BREATH besides you – yet there he was. Talking to you-

Oh. You knew what he wanted.

“Okay, look, let’s just skip all that polite small talk, the little laughs so we don’t feel awkward before you drop the question. Just tell me, which number do you want? Or should I just give you all three?”, you immediately cut to the chase. It had never been any different, so why would it be today? Especially when someone so sexy and pretty talked to you? Obviously he wanted someone from your much more handsome and well-trained friends.

Hawks was, however, rather surprised that THIS was your initial reaction to him talking to you. Though he could have not known how hard it would truly be to get to know you or get your number.

“Uhm… To be honest, your number alone would be quite sufficient.”, Keigo played it smooth. A handsome smile on his lips covered up his own nervousness – was he about to get rejected?

For a few seconds you stared at him, completely flabbergasted. Then you turned around and looked around… and looked around… and looked around some more until he finally asked, “Everything okay? You looking for an escape route?”

Keigo chuckled at the end, though he was not as calm as he pretended to be.

“No, I just…”, you then turned to him again, your brows furrowed, “… You can stop now, you know? Like, are you trying to prank me or…? Cameras anywhere? Like haha we got the fat guy. Look at him getting all flustered finally getting attention. Hahaha funny.”

At the end, you almost sounded a little angry, before you grabbed your drink and walked away from the bar. Saying Hawks was confused was an understatement. He just watched you for a moment as you walked away and squeezed into a lonely corner. God… How many people must have put you down for you to think he was pranking you?

“This is going to be more difficult than I thought.”

Running his hand through his hair, Kei had to calm down for a moment and reevaluate. Did you reject him because you genuinely weren’t interest or because you were self-conscious? Probably the latter. So… should he try again? Fuck yeah. As if he was going to give up so easily. He just needed you to know he really wasn’t pranking you, the rest… was up to Future-Keigo.

Clearing his throat and taking his drink, he then walked over to your corner. Standing in front of you he was so  s m o l. It would probably feel great hugging you.

“Okay that was rough. Listen, I really don’t wanna prank you or anything. Just… get to know you… ya know?”, this time he genuinely smiled a little, hoping you wouldn’t just reject him again.

Raising one brow, you were still rather suspicious. AS IF someone like Keigo would want to get to know you. Something was not right, you could feel it in every fiber of your big, chubby body. Then again.. maybe the only thing that you felt was the insecurities that held you back from getting to know someone who might genuinely be interested in you.

So, you gave yourself a little push.

“Yeah… I guess… I’m not really used to…. You know, how about we just start over?”

Keigo thought he had finally cracked you, giving himself a mental high five for being persistent. Thus, with a small smile he nodded and reached out his hand.

“Sure, nice to meet you, I’m Takami Keigo.”

“I’m [Your.name], nice to meet you.”, you finally smiled a little as well. Oof, his heart just jumped. Why was he so smitten already? He literally just met you. Keigo definitely wanted to get to know you more.

“So, how about we go take a seat over there? I could do with another drink.”, he said while pointing in the direction of a free table.

For a moment, you hesitated, though after a few seconds, you nodded, “Yeah, sounds nice.”

-

Without realizing it, hours went by as you and Hawks sometimes were the loudest ones laughing. Your friends just glancing over every so often, obviously jealous you had gotten the most handsome men of all of them today. But for the first time, you didn’t care what other’s thought as you and Kei just had … a connection.

Hence why, when he glanced down to his watch and sighed, you felt a little sad.

“I wish this night wouldn’t end. But I have a model job tomorrow and I only was a backup for someone so I didn’t even intend to have so much fun today. Time sure flies with you, [Your.name].”, he gave you one of his best smiles that made your throat dry and your knees weak.

“I… really enjoyed myself, too. Thank you. And sorry for acting like that in the beginning.”, you smiled apologetically and a little flustered. He found it very endearing.

“That’s fine, don’t worry about it. Well…”, he then looked at his phone and stood up, “It’s 2 a.m. definitely missed the last train. I’m gonna make a quick call for a taxi.”

“Hm.”, you nodded and watched for a second as he went outside where it was a little quieter to call.

Looking between Hawks and your friends who were still partying with Keigo’s friend group, you wondered if you should bring him home. You were the driver, but… how often had your friends disappeared with someone without telling you? How often did you leave a party all by yourself? It was time to be a little selfish today.

So, you hastily stood up and walked outside the bar, watching as Keigo typed on his phone, ready to call.

“Uhm, Takami-san?”, you interrupted him.

“Hm?”, he was a little surprised.

“If you want.. I can drive you home. I brought my own car since I was planning on leaving earlier too and I only drank one cocktail right in the beginning and the rest was alcohol free stuff so… if you want?”, your voice became a little smaller by the end, not knowing if you were too eager. Was this okay?

“Really? That’s not a problem?”

“No! Not at all.”, you reassured him.

“That’s great! I only live like 20 minutes away if we take the car. Ahhh, you’re a life saver, [Your.name]! Thank you.”, Keigo beamed.

And so, you hopped into your car, the only place big enough for you, at least that’s what it felt like since you invested in a nice big one. Keigo was quite cute how he sat there in the big seat, being so small.

The drive to Hawks’ home was also filled with chatter and laughter, once again reassuring you both that you definitely had some sort of connection. And since he had been attracted to you before, it only gave him more reasons that he wanted to meet you again. Man… this could be the first time a group date turned out successfully – for the both of you!

When you parked in front of his apartment complex, Takami didn’t even want to go yet. Wishing that time would just stop, he sat there for a few seconds before turning to you.

“Thank you, [Your.name].”

“No problem, really!”

“You know, if it wasn’t that late I would have invited you to a coffee or another drink or something but alas…”

“It’s quite late…”, you almost said a little… saddened?

“Hm… It is… I’ll call you!” Hawks then said with a little bit of a grin, since you had exchanged phone numbers before.

“O-Okay.”, you didn’t know why you stuttered, it was just… really new.

“Oh, but you can call me too, yeah? Don’t be shy. Well, anyways.”, he jumped out of the car, turned one last time to grin at you, his golden eyes sparkling a little, making you even more flustered.

“Have a safe drive home and have a good night, [Your.name]!”

“Ah, you too, Takami-san!”

Then, you just watched as he walked up to his apartment complex. You didn’t know what suddenly got into you when you opened the door and jumped out, calling for him.

“Takami-san?!”, it was literally two in the morning, his poor neighbors.

Though Hawks immediately turned his head.

“I… really, really enjoyed myself today. Just… thank you.”

Oh my God, you were so cute. Such a gentle giant teddy bear, that’s what you were. Without thinking about it, Keigo rushed back, catching you a little off guard when he walked around the car.

“You know, I might be a little drunk, but fucking God – I want to kiss you SO. BAD. right now.”, Kei said without hold back. His golden eyes gleaming in the dark and his cheeks flushed, you didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or if he was blushing.

You, on the other hand, were very flustered, yet you barely whispered, “Maybe you should…”

Which only made Hawks giggle and raise his arms. An almost… seductive grin on his lips.

“Then you should help me out a little here, Handsome!”

Was he a bit drunk? Possibly. Was he overly flirtatious because he truly liked your personality and found you attractive and DEFINITELY wanted to meet you again?... Probably. But someone as straight-forward as Hawks was exactly who you needed because of your tendencies to overthink everything. Especially when it came to your weight and thus attractiveness. (Even though the one didn’t have anything to do with the other though not when it came to society.)  

And so, you accommodated him by leaning down. Takami himself standing on his tiptoes, thus, after he had hoped all night long, his lips finally met yours. His small arms wrapped around your big, broad shoulders and your big hand was placed on his lower back. That’s what he had wanted. And it really happened. To say Keigo was quite euphoric was an understatement. He was ecstatic, overjoyed, jubilant and so much more – and that from a little kiss. He surely fell quick and hard. Something he had never experienced before.

After a few moments of pure delight, you were the first to pull back, just to watch Kei bite his lip in such a sexy way it took all of your control to not grab him and pin him onto your car’s hood.

“Thank you.”, he just whispered, still with that grin on his lips, “I really enjoyed myself, too.”

Then, he let go and you did as well, this time really just watching when he turned around and walked into the apartment complex with one last wave. So you got back into your car as well, the last minutes replaying in your head over and over again.

With your hand covering your face, you had to hide your stupid, big grin. If all of that was just a dream, you didn’t want to wake up. Someone found YOU attractive. You had deemed yourself the most unattractive, undatable guy and that only because society had always told you that. But he didn’t care. He liked your “undatable, unattractive” body just the way it was. And not only that, after a rough start, you got along so well. You loved his little laughs, his beautiful eyes and those soft lips-

“God I have never felt like that before, what the fuuuck??”, you mumbled to yourself, still in disbelief that night even happened.

But as you drove away, you heard a little noise that came from your phone and as you looked up, you quickly scanned the text before looking back onto the streets – a wide smirk spreading across your face.

The message read.

“txet me wehn yruoe home so i konw yuore hmoe safe!”

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@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: let’s appreciate all shapes and sizes. being a short and rather stumpy man myself, ive been struggling a little with how i view myself ever since my relationship ended. ive been casually looking on apps but i think I am not ready for another relationship yet since my last one was rather messy. anyways. I know you shouldn’t rely on others to feel validated and loved but loving yourself is hard, bro so… yeah, its nice being desired for once, no? also this kinda makes me wanna write a part two but eh we’ll see!

part 2.