#as someone who has dealt with loss it is so fucking upsetting to have people just. not acknowledge your grief.

[shdwtouch]

I think the funniest and saddest thing I can say about varrics fate is shade as a companion is just like. oh. I thought you knew. @ rook

[yermes]

Hello and good morning to all of my beautiful step children. 🌤️ I kinda took a plunge and apologized to someone who I thought was my friend. They accepted and we seemed chill. We talked for a while and they presented an occult idea of mine from my journal to me as if it were my own idea and APPARENTLY I forgot I gave the access to my book notes and some of my other ideas got in there. I wanted to see how far back this went and on their tiktok I saw that some of their videos match our DMs verbatim with times and everything.

Now I am just mourning what an absolute moron I was and I figured everyone has dealt with shitty people so heres a reading. And as the saying as above so below the lower aspects of your life which you may be ashamed of need to be celebrated and loved just as much as the higher aspects of your life. 🪼How can I over come the loss of a friend even if they’re still living and they just royally took advantage of me.

Pick a meme

Pick a card

Devil 🦚

Saturn the darker aspect, moon (pick a lane king), Tiphareth to Hod, represents the element earth

This card represents Lucifer more than the traditional devil. You were born to be free. In this situation you are not confined to rules. Now I am not advising you to dig up ur ex besties grandma and sit her corpse up by their window or anything but you are in the realm of doing whatever the fuck you want. Enter that healing era. Do things FOR YOU THAT BENEFIT YOU. You are no longer in this toxic spiral where you convinced yourself you would do anything for your friend you are now free. Take care of yourself.

Interference 🍈

Hod through air, eight of swords, Jupiter in gemini

Theres some issues here (obviously look who’s reading ur looking at rn) you would THINK with eight that this would be a lot of structure and reason however with 8 in Hod (structure and reason of the mind) with swords (freedom of the mind) there is a lot of internal turmoil. Which I get this is a shitty situation. On one hand you want to be logical and be like I shouldn’t be upset because and I am finally free and I am justified and X Y Z. But on the other hand you are hurt and you need the freedom to express that. Its hard trying to be a logical girly just manage both sides of this coin to the best of your ability give yourself time.

Princess of wands 🐅

Venus in fire, The Earth in the fires of Aziluth, Malkuth, earth aspect of fire

Well a big part of this card is revenge I should have saved the dead grandma joke for this card. Basically just flames and heat and the earth aspect as well as air aspects gives physical fuel to provide for these flames. Your sadness and betrayal skipped right to anger and you’re walking the war path. HOWEVER, another aspect of this card going again to feeding the flames with no water to subdue it is this cards lust for life. There is life at the end of this grief while its manifesting in hate as of now. Realize your love for life and put that FIRERY ASS ENERGY INTO THAT.

I hope this reading was helpful for you guys. For me my magic is so deeply personal. Like I will talk to someone for hours about it and help problem solve and come up with new solutions but giving my personal spells and theory to someone just is a line I usually do not cross and all my friends know this boundary. No they have not reached out or spoke to me after they stole some of my words and presented me with my own idea. I hope you all have a WONDERFUL day step mom germ loves ya 🩵🪼🩵💛🩵💛💛🪼❤️

[rhysismydaddy]

Unholy Matrimony Pt. 1 (Nessian)

Nesta’s part of the Damnation Series.

OOF this took so long sorry. I rewrote it, changed it, then deleted it entirely about 9 times. I literally started writing the version before you, from scratch, on Sunday. All parts are linked below, so I’m only tagging people on this version! To go to the next chapter, there is also a link at the bottom <3

ALSO, an important caviat: Nesta is an only child in this one! I originally wrote it for her to be adopted and not know it, but it wasn’t really relevant to the story, so... idk. Just ignore that plot hole I guess.

Parts 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 -- pls like each part I’m insecure

______________________________________________

~Cassian~

“You’re getting married.”

The glass of bourbon halfway to my mouth pauses, because despite being known for being rash and unpredictable, even I’m surprised by the sudden change in conversation.

My eyebrows raise as I look over at Rhysand, my best friend and Capo, trying to figure out if this bastard is serious. His tone says he is, but that doesn’t make sense, because before a few seconds ago, the word “marriage” was in neither of our vocabularies.

He’s been single for as long as I have, although I’m starting to suspect he’s got a bird in the city. He’s too damn happy these days, and the other day I saw him laugh at something on his phone.

Which is weird, because we both know long-term commitments don’t really do well with our lifestyle.

We were raised to not give a shit about anything except the job. We kill without remorse, live in the shadows, and whatever other shitty euphemism you want to use. Settling down in some suburban, picket-fence prison has absolutely no appeal to Made Men.

Don’t get me wrong, most of us get married at some point. But never for love.

Some men choose a bride that’s pretty and sweet. Someone who will donate to charity and help clean up their image. Governors’ daughters, women from old-money families, and social princesses make up this category.

Some men marry to advance their station in the Family. Second sons who will never inherit the business marry daughters of Underbosses to get a nice boost to their status.

And then there’s the ones who are forced to marry by their capo--ie. me-- so they choose whatever attractive woman that’s in the Family and available. Those are always the happiest.

But regardless of the reasoning, marriage in the mafia is heartless, political, and for me, unnecessary.

I know I’ll have to pick someone eventually, but there aren’t a whole lot of desirable options at the moment. Not many of the other Underbosses have daughters that are over the age of fifteen right now, and I have no interest in doing the child-bride thing.

Plus, there’s no way I’d marry someone outside of the family. At my rank, it isn’t an option.

That leaves... a widow?

The only one I know is Ianthe, and considering I highly suspect she killed her last husband and the fact that she’s crazy, there’s no way in hell I’d legally bind myself to her for life.

So he must be joking.

I take a pull from my cigar and look over at Rhys with narrowed eyes. “Uh huh. Sure. To who, exactly?”

“Volchonok.”

The Wolf Cub.

The cigar snaps in my fingers.

“You’re fucking kidding,” I say, honestly hoping that’s the case. He’s either that or insane, and I’d hate to lock someone who’s like a brother to me in a padded room.

Rhysand’s unflinching gaze doesn’t change, but his tone morphs from that of my friend to my boss. “You will marry her, Cassian.”

“She’s a fucking Russian,” I spit, not understanding. That should be reason enough for him to be joking.

In our world, being Russian is a crime similar to stabbing the Pope.

We’ve been at war over New York with them ever since they decided to try and get a stronghold on the east coast, and I’ve killed more of them than I can fucking count. Now I’m marrying one?

“Yes, she is, and so is her father, Alexei Olov.” Aka the Bratva Boss responsible for blowing up half of St. Petersburg last year when the local police refused to buy his weapons. “You will marry her, move to New York full time, and run the city with her by your side.”

“Why? Two or three more years, and we’ll have the city anyway.” Every day the Russians get weaker, and I’ve been responsible for pushing them out of my city block by block.

So there has to be a reason we’re suddenly okay with the enemy.

Rhysand sighs. “It was his idea, not mine. Orlov has agreed to sell our coke in Moscow and Seattle instead of his usual dealer and will supply us all the weapons we need for five years. There will also be no more midnight raids, bullshit arrests on bullshit charges, or missing shipments. He’s offering you a dowry, too.”

I don’t need his money, but the old fashioned term makes me laugh.

“Yeah? And how much does he think his wolf cub is worth?”

His lips twitch. “Ten million.”

“She must be a real pain in the ass, then, if he’s going to pay me that much to take her,” I chuckle.

Not that ten million dollars is anything but pocket change for the man. Orlov may be losing the fight in New York, but the bastard is richer than sin. 

Selling arms to half of the entire world will do that to a person.

“I hear she’s beautiful,” he says, trying to tempt me to not fight him.

“Then you marry her,” I shoot back, not ready to give up the argument.

“I don’t feel like it.” Fucking typical. Rhysand sighs. “You and I both know we can work this deal to our advantage, so what will make you say yes?”

He could order to me to say yes and I’d have to, but he hates enforcing that kind of authority with me.

So I think it over, make a show of lighting a new cigar. “I want Sera.”

It’s a burlesque club in New York I’ve always been a little envious of, owned by Orlov and operated by his men. I’d tried to buy it a few years back but hadn’t had enough leverage on the Russian to strongarm him into selling.

Now I do.

Rhysand--the only one who knows about my failed attempt to buy the place--nods and tells me he’ll make it happen.

“When’s all this happening, anyway?”

He looks like he might laugh. “Wedding is in a month, but she’s flying in tomorrow night.”

A quick laugh forces its way out of me. Also typical of him to give me absolutely no time to change my mind.

Well, I have a month. That’s already longer than any relationship I’ve ever had. 

Sighing, I stand and shake his hand, cementing the deal before I can even lament the loss of my bachelorhood.

~Nesta~

“Chto sluchilos?”

I slide my gaze to my father, because seriously, that’s the stupidest fucking question I’ve ever heard. 

What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Everything.

“Nichego,” I lie, assuring him for what feels like the tenth time as I look out the window. The plane picks up speed and lifts off, taking me towards an uncertain future, an uncertain place.

I might have told him nothing’s wrong, but inside, I’m screaming.

Three days ago, I woke up to find a marriage contract on the pillow beside me. There was a blank space where my name had been typed and a pen waiting for me to remedy that.

I still haven’t.

I’m not signing anything until I meet this... Cassian. 

God, what an Italian name.

An image springs to mind, one of a slumped-over, hairy-chest beast with slicked back hair and a gold chain. 

I know it’s stereotypical and hopefully incorrect, but I’ve never been to Italy and Alexei strictly forbids me watching movies that portray Italians as anything except revolting. 

But looks aside, there’s one thing I don’t need to guess to know. 

My future husband will be like all the other men in my life: controlling.

Men in the world I live in take what they want, don’t ask for permission, and feel like they’re entitled to anything and everything. I’ve dealt with it my entire life, so it’s more amusing than anything at this point.

I guess I’m a bit non-traditional in that sense, considering most of the women around me have no problems taking orders from their fathers or husbands. But Alexei and I figured out pretty early in life that wasn’t going to work for me.

As he frequently likes to tell me, I started telling him to fuck off when I was five.

What did he expect? All the kids I hung out with were the opposite sex and at least five years older than me, so my vocabulary and mannerisms became pretty... colorful early on.

Regardless, I’m just not looking forward to having to deal with yet another man who thinks he can control me.

“Ty vresh',” Alexei accuses, lips twitching. You’re lying. 

“Konechno.” Of course. 

Of course I’m upset, but I understand what’s happening. I might have found out about it three days ago, but I’ve known it was coming for far longer.

As the only child of the great Alexei Orlov, Wolf of Moscow and Pakhan of the Russian Bratva, I’ve been told my entire life that I will one day be used as a pawn to gain more power.

It would--should--piss me off, but I’ve also been told I’m to one day take my father’s place and run his company.

So by gaining more power for him, I’m also doing the same for myself.

Not that I really give a shit about that kind of thing. I started officially working for Alexei years ago, and I already have enough money saved to never have to work again. 

But in the Bratva, there’s no getting out. I was put in this world by birth, and the only thing that will take me out is death. 

In case it isn’t obvious, I’m not a typical business woman. 

My father is an arms-dealer. 

A less than legal one, if you believe the heinous lies the media spreads about him.

He sells weapons to governments, private armies, and whoever the fuck else has the money to buy. 

He’s also built himself a shipping empire to haul said weapons around the globe, runs the drugs and prostitute rings in Moscow, and has enough real estate to rival most small countries.

It probably sounds like I don’t care, and that’s because I don’t. 

I like what I do in the sense that I have a mind for business. I went to business school and graduated at the top of my class, and I enjoy running the clubs and hotels I have. Trained by Alexei himself, I’m ruthless in negotiations, enough so that people started calling me the Wolf Cub by the time I was twenty. 

But despite being good at it, I’m not particularly fond of the aspect most people think of when they picture my career in the Bratva. I detest drugs, have never hired a prostitute, and don’t really enjoy selling arms to bad people. 

The alleyway meetups, the broken bones and bullet holes, and the blown up houses are all a little tiring to me.

Sure, it sounds exciting. And for a while, it was. I used to lose myself in the chaos, used to enjoy coming home with busted knuckles. But I honestly just got tired of it.

Right now, I don’t have to deal with it as much because Alexei’s still alive. But when he dies and I officially take over the family business, I’ll have to be more involved. Even if the thought makes me want to sigh.

I pull out my laptop and look over the financial report for Sera, my newest club in New York. As predicted, everything’s running smoothly. 

I turn the laptop around to show my father, grinning when he pulls out his reading glasses and leans closer. 

“Starik,” I tease. Old man. 

He flicks my forehead, then reads the report and nods. Then he turns to his phone, probably playing Angry Birds or some shit, and leaves me to work.

The plane ride goes by quickly, and by the time we’ve landed in Chicago, I’ve gotten ahead on my schedule for next week, slept, and changed into what I’ve chosen as the “meeting my future husband” dress.

It’s simple and sleek, the black material clinging to my curves without being obscene. It’s long enough to hide the holster on my thigh, not that I feel in any danger with four personal guards stationed near me at all times.

My heels click as I make my way down the plane stairs and across the tarmac to the waiting sedan, and once my luggage and belongings are unloaded, we head to the Italian Capo’s house.

We’re meeting here, finalizing the contract, and then Cassian and I are flying to New York. 

My new home.

“Try to look happy,” Alexei tells me, his heavily accented English almost ridiculous to hear. He speaks English only when he’s in the states, and considering he hasn’t come here since I graduated B school two years ago, he’s a little out of practice.

“I’m ecstatic,” I say, intentionally using a word I know he doesn’t understand.

His eyes narrow, because it isn’t the first time I’ve used this trick, but he doesn’t call me out on it. We continue to ride in ecstatic silence, eventually pulling up in front of the Capo’s... house.

It’s almost obscene to call it that, considering it’s fucking huge. Like obnoxiously huge.

I heave a sigh, step out of the car, and take in my surroundings. The neighborhood’s quiet, likely filled with friends of the Cosa Nostra too scared to make any noise. 

A butler--seriously, a butler--opens the door and welcomes us inside, and as soon as I step in, I have to repress the urge to roll my eyes.

The amount of dirty money in the air is suffocating. It drips off the vaulted ceilings, down the artwork on the walls, across the marble floors. It’s in the little details of the crystal chandeliers and the mahogany staircase. 

Ridiculous.

One look at Alexei’s disgusted face says he’s thinking the same thing.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re rich. Grossly so. Alexei could have ten houses just like this, if he wanted them.

But he doesn’t. He owns property all over the world, but most of it is commercial or apartment complexes--property that makes him money, in other words. This, however, is a massive waste of capital. 

The butler leads us further through the house and into an office where four men wait. 

One is immediately identifiable as their lawyer, his over-priced cologne making me have to resist the urge to sneeze. The humongous man in the corner is hired muscle, if the boxy shape of the guns under his jacket is any indication.

The man behind the desk is obviously in charge, so I’m guessing he’s the Capo. Rhysand or Rhyland or something weird like that. He takes me in silently, bright eyes not seeming to miss any details. 

That leaves the man leaning against the desk to be Cassian Azara.

My fiancé. 

Our eyes meet, his golden gaze beautiful and wild, and I have to remember to keep my expression bored. 

Because the stereotype, the horrible image I’d conjured up in my mind, couldn’t be further from the truth.

For one, he isn’t hunched-over. He stands tall, leaning a hip against his Capo’s desk with obvious confidence. But I see more than just self-assuredness in his eyes. He seems a little too rough around the edges, wild gaze almost like he’s daring someone to swing at him. 

If the confidence didn’t already make him attractive, his looks sure as hell get the job done.

His hairs long and dark and curly, half of it pulled up in a rouge manner that clashes with the suit he’s filling. He has a few days’ stubble, too, like standing still long enough to shave just isn’t an option. 

His shoulders are impossibly wide, narrowing down to trim hips and legs long enough to make him tower over everyone in the room. 

His knuckles are tattooed and split open, and there’s a cut above his eyebrow that tells me I was correct to assume he’s a fighter by nature. 

Usually, that would be a deterrent for me, but there’s something about the way he’s dressed in a dark suit jacket and crisp white shirt while also looking so untamed that has me cocking my head to study him some more. 

He studies me, too, beautiful eyes taking in the long blonde hair and bright blue eyes offset by pale skin. He looks at the dress like he can see everything underneath, and I have the strangest urge to blush. Jesus, he’s toxic.

He’s attractive, is what I’m getting at.

Which is not what I had planned on, considering I’d been trying to think of a plan on how to not sleep with him, but suddenly that’s all my mind can focus on.

His lips twitch like he knows what I’m thinking, and I realize we’ve just been standing here staring at each other for a bit too long.

So I turn back to Alexei and shrug like I’ve seen what my future husband has to offer and aren’t impressed in the slightest. 

I toss the marriage contract on the desk, grab the Capo’s fancy little fountain pen out of his hand, and sign my name on the blank above my name. 

Cassian watches, but I ignore him entirely until the ink has dried. Then I look up at him through my lashes and wink, turn on my heel, and leave the room.

~Cassian~

I think I’m in love.

Fuck.

She hasn’t said a single goddamn word, but the way she looked at me has me feeling itchy all over, anticipation and nerves rolling through me. I feel like I feel before I fight or something exciting happens.

Like I’m primed and ready and need it to happen now. 

Nesta Orlov, my bride to be, is nothing like I expected. 

I was fully braced for some meek little woman, similar to most of my friends’ wives, to come in and smile and say hello. 

But nope. Nesta didn’t smile; she came in like she was walking onto a battlefield. 

And she didn’t smile. She looked me over, clinical blue gaze noticing too much, and left me feeling winded. God, she’s beautiful. Just looking at her made me hot.

She also didn’t say hello. 

Just signed the contract and left, like this was nothing more to her than a boring business deal. I mean, that’s what it is, but... I don’t know, I expected more of a reaction. 

I’ve heard from some Underbosses that their wives cried or raged when they were forced to sign, but shit if that were the case with Nesta. She honest to God looked like she didn’t care.

Alexei, on the other hand, does look a little pissed about the situation, but I couldn’t care less of the old man’s opinion. He’s signed the contract, so to me, he’s irrelevant. Regardless, he and Rhys proceed to iron out some of the details about the wedding and other shit I’m not paying attention to.

Then they shake hands, and the Russian warlord turns to leave. 

He reaches the door and looks over his shoulder at me, and there’s amusement in his cold gaze as he mutters, “Udachi.” Good luck. 

As soon as he’s gone, Roman and the lawyer follow, leaving me alone with Rhys. 

He slides the contract to me, and I sign my name next to hers, making this shit official. 

“This should be interesting,” he comments, vague as usual. 

I sigh, because I have a feeling interesting isn’t going to cover it. 

_____________________________________________________

NEXT CHAPTER

Tags: @elorcan-trash @januarystears @emikadreams @sjm-things @santas-dwynwen @thebitchupstairs @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @shinya-hiiragi @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @ireallyshouldsleeprn @highqueenofelfhame @rowaelinismyotp @nahthanks @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @masstrash @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep 16

This is actually really sad, because how badly do we want to see this kid actually shoot Wen Zhuliu? I mean, they even go into hearing Jiang Fengmian’s words echoing in his mind. It’s the perfect setup for some heroic act that just doesn’t happen. It’s weird how even though I know what happens, I’m like, maybe this time it won’t! I mean, it’s good all this happens, because I like what it does to the characters, but it’s still hard to watch. I think this part is probably the bloodiest part in the entire show. Don’t quote me, but it’s pretty bloody.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it’s also really sad that Jiang Fengmian has this heroic entrance only to be cut down seconds later. It’s easy to fall into a pattern of the good guys win, but that’s not how this story really works. The line between good and bad is thin and warped and blended together, and who we think is good doesn’t always come out on top. But again, if Lotus Pier hadn’t fallen, how would Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian have turned out? What would have happened to Jiang Yanli? I like how these events set into motion so much growth for these characters, and it’s not always positive growth either.

Ugh, I hate it. I hate it! Seeing all these men, women, children, who have been ruthlessly murdered by the Wen Clan—it’s just horrible. And from Wei Wuxian’s perspective, these people were his only family. This was the place that had taken him in when he was very young—it’s the only home he really remembers. And in a matter of hours, it was taken completely away from him. Obviously he’s angry—very angry—and upset. And whatever he feels, it’s only amplified in Jiang Cheng, who is already more emotional and quick-tempered. Not to mention, those are his actual parents, who he loves very much. Of course, his first reaction is to want revenge, which Wei Wuxian temporarily manages to talk him out of.

I like that we get Madam Yu’s perspective throughout this part. I like that she was the one who staunchly defended her home, and I like how she was the last man standing. As horrible as all this is, I get a warm feeling from seeing how she really does care about her family and her husband. I think it’s important that we get to see this before she dies, so that we can see that yes, there was some good in her. She loved her home, her clan, and her family enough that she would die for them. And I really like that she dies by her own hand on her own terms. She got to take that away from the Wens.

And we’re back to this again. It isn’t enough to have the Wen Clan to blame for what happened to his parents and Lotus Pier—no. Jiang Cheng seems to believe deep down that if Wei Wuxian hadn’t helped Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan, things would be different: his parents would still be alive and Lotus Pier would be fine. Of course, that’s not true. The Wens would not have ever stopped. They wanted to lord over all the clans, even the Yunmeng Jiangs. But Jiang Cheng needs to blame someone and who better than Wei Wuxian? And after this point, he holds this grudge forever. Everything else just compounds upon this event.

And Wei Wuxian again just takes it. He doesn’t argue that the Wens would have done it anyway, he doesn’t try to defend himself at all. He must know that when Jiang Cheng makes up his mind, that’s it—there’s no changing things. I’m guessing by the time the morning rolls around, Jiang Cheng has already decided to seek revenge immediately, against Wei Wuxian’s advice. Again, we have a contrast of someone who is very analytical (Wei Wuxian) and someone who’s very emotional (Jiang Cheng), and Jiang Cheng ends up paying for it. And that’s his decision, even though he tries to place that blame on Wei Wuxian.

While Jiang Cheng is feeling sorry for himself, Wei Wuxian is the first to mention Jiang Yanli, who is still waiting for them. Of course Jiang Cheng has just gone through someone extremely traumatic—I don’t expect him to be on top of things, but I appreciate how level-headed that Wei Wuxian is able to be, given that the experience was also traumatic for him. Again, more contrast between the two characters. And not only contrast between those two, but look back at what happened at the Cloud Recesses and how Lan Wangji dealt with his own loss. He did not give up and shut down, like we see Jiang Cheng doing. He understood that life must go on. Was he upset that his brother was missing? Of course he was! Was he horrified by what happened to his home? Fuck, yes! But he didn’t get the opportunity to wallow in self-pity and depression like Jiang Cheng is. He had no one to support him like Jiang Cheng does. Jiang Cheng has a ton of people around him right now, in comparison, yet he behaves as if he’s alone. He lashes out emotionally, he recklessly goes back to Lotus Pier, abandoning his sister, who’s sick and alone. I don’t really care what he ultimately does to save Wei Wuxian, because I think it was clear that he was ready to die anyway. The outcome would have been the same for him, so distracting the Wen guards wasn’t really the selfless act that CQL kind of makes it out to be, albeit under the veil of Jiang Cheng’s memory.

Ugh, breaks my heart. Also irritates me that Wei Wuxian has to be the one to tell Yanli what happened. Like, can’t Jiang Cheng do it? Grow a pair and tell your own damn sister what happened to your parents and your home? Sorry, but I’m endlessly frustrated by him, no matter how realistic that response is. If I were Yanli, I’d want to hear that from my brother. But Jiang Cheng has basically checked out at this point. And I can’t imagine what’s going through Jiang Yanli’s mind. Her parents are dead, her home has been destroyed, her brother is distraught, and then she falls ill. She’s the oldest, she’s the one who should know what to do (whether or not she has any authority to do it)—this must be so difficult to feel like she needs to be strong for her two younger brothers, but to be completely falling apart emotionally.

Look at the physical distance here. It’s quite interesting, really, and good cinematography to show that chasm between them. It’s not just a physical gap but an emotional one as well. You have Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli, who just want to get out of danger so that they can figure out what to do next. And then you have Jiang Cheng, who just wants revenge. Even if it wasn’t obvious already, this scene shows how far apart they are from each other. It’s actually really cool.

I just feel that the only thing that was holding them all together was Wei Wuxian. He is taking his promise to Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian very seriously. This is not a game to him—he will do anything to keep them safe. That is his only purpose right now. Prior to episode 15, I think Wei Wuxian brought up Lan Wangji at least once per episode, whether Lan Wangji was there or not. That name has not passed his lips even once. Jiang Cheng has said it a few times, I think because blame game, of course, but Wei Wuxian is not even thinking about Lan Wangji. His focus right now is to get Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli to safety. Imagine if it were only Jiang Cheng and Yanli right now—if you take Wei Wuxian out of the picture, how do you think they would behave? I mean, realistically, Jiang Cheng would already be dead, because no one would have stopped him from going back to Lotus Pier that night. So thank god Wei Wuxian is here, right?

Look at his vacant expression. Has he even heard Wei Wuxian’s instructions? Probably he has but he just ignores them. His sister has a fever, and he leaves her alone in the inn. He abandons them both. And for what? What does he hope to accomplish alone? His parents and the entirety of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect couldn’t take down the Wens, so how does he expect to? I understand where he’s coming from—I am protective of my family as well—but what he needed to do was step back and wait, and by not doing that, he ruined his own life.

Besides wangxian, I think my favorite relationship in this series is the one between Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian. There’s something so sweet and so beautiful and so loving about two people who aren’t quite family but aren’t not family either. There is so much unconditional love between them that no matter what either of them does, the other will continue to be there. It’s like the relationship that Wei Wuxian could have with Jiang Cheng, but Jiang Cheng does not love Wei Wuxian as much as Wei Wuxian loves him. For a long time, I think Wei Wuxian’s love for Jiang Cheng was unconditional, but he learns over time that it can’t be that way with Jiang Cheng. But his relationship with Yanli is so different. She treats him like family, treats him like a little brother, and she protects and defends him in front of those who would wish to harm him. It’s just very sweet and tragic, of course.

So, this is an important moment. For obvious reasons, of course, but also because Wei Wuxian could have killed Wen Ning, but didn’t. He immediately accuses him of participating in the massacre and goes on to say, “I shouldn’t have saved you.” And Wen Ning responds that he just got to Lotus Pier and was not a part of the massacre at all. And here’s the big part: Wei Wuxian backs off. He believes him and he lets him go. This is important because it shows that Wei Wuxian can see past the clan, past the outfit, past the bloodline. Someone who can’t do that is Jiang Cheng. This is just one of those moments that shows you what kind of person Wei Wuxian really is, and if you remember he made a big point of praising Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen for teaming up together and for not being affiliated with any clans. So here we can see how Wei Wuxian has a penchant for not conforming to the orthodoxy of any of the clans—of the very fact that you need to be in a clan at all. People are more than the clans they are a part of, people are more than their blood relatives. Everyone gets to prove their own worth, regardless of their social status. This isn’t a big deal to someone with modern sensibilities, but within this world, it’s a big deal that Wei Wuxian trusts Wen Ning to help him and Jiang Cheng here. And in the book, he allowed Wen Qing to help them, and he doesn’t even know her. Book!Wen Qing is more awesome in my opinion, and her entrance in the story is great, because you don’t know if you can trust her. You have to trust Wen Ning too, just like Wei Wuxian—you’re taking the risk as well, as the reader.

One more thought: you can see why they’d form such a strong bong—two people who should by all rights be enemies, but instead they choose to work together to stand up to what’s wrong. This is what Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji were doing in the cave, what Wen Ning has already done when he helped Wei Wuxian out against the dog. This is a bond of brotherhood more than anything that the Twin Prides of Yunmeng ever had. It’s a really nice message, honestly. I often don’t appreciate Wen Ning, but they do have such a nice relationship that’s based on nothing but mutual trust and respect.

I find this oddly funny, because Wen Zhuliu is so resistant and doesn’t want to drink, but Wen Chao is so insistent that he ends up doing it. And of course that’s the thing that puts all of them out of commission for the next few days (I think), allowing Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian to get Jiang Cheng and his parents’ remains out of Lotus Pier. Such a simple decision, but if it had not been made this way, Wei Wuxian would have certainly been captured/killed by Wen Zhuliu.

The juxtaposition here is pretty extreme: the clean-clothed dancing ladies in the background, with the body of (I think) Madam Yu in the foreground, hanging there. It’s so disturbing to think about having this feast to celebrate a victory (massacre) with dead bodies hanging around you. Just very creepy and eerie.

I’m flying through these for good reason. Not a lot to say, just getting through plot, and I want to get back to my fave Lan Wangji. Biased? Why, yes, I am.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 |

[nostraightheadcanons]

Can we have some NPC headcannons please?

 You sure can! I love making headcanons for NPCS, they deserve so much more love in my opinion! I may only do two for now because they ended pretty long, but if you’d more don’t be afraid to shoot another ask!

Kayane

☆ Presumably around 19 to 21 years old. ☆ She comes from a rich family, her parents are both wealthy entrepreneurs and dote on her older brother while she is left more in the shadows. Her parents are the money equals affection type with her, I headcanon her as someone who is generally pretty lonely. Probably struggles with making friends her age that are genuine. ☆ She fell in love with 1010 not because of their ideal perfect boyfriend gimmick but rather the message they spread. 1010 is all about sharing love . She treasures them dearly because no matter who you are or what you look like or your background they’ll always have love to spare. Her adoration for them is not one of a creepy obsessive fangirl because I’m not partially fond of headcanons that depict her that way. ☆ Pretty peppy and bubbly! She’s actually really kind and helpful but most of the time her personality is overshadowed by the fact she’s a fan of 1010. Lost in Metro Divsion, don’t worry Kayane is here to help! She’s the kind of introvert who just adores making friends and will talk to just about anybody! ☆ She adores the community and friends she has found through 1010 and is seen trying to recruit others in the fanclubs because more people means more friends. All the fans gathered together under the same want of love and comfort, and through the boyband they have found friendships and bonds that are unbreakable. ☆ She was reasonably upset after the whole BBJ revolution because Mayday and Zuke destroyed them seemingly without a care. Mayday called herself a fan but she fought them anyway under the guise of revolution and freedom. However the only good thing to come out of the revolution in her eyes is the fact the fans got to see more of the mysterious producer of 1010! Neon J! Something about the fact he was so willing to protect his troops and the city was heartwarming and inspirational; she couldn’t help but make a fanclub for him! He’s super duper cool! ☆ 1010 and Neon J know her personally. She is afterall the head of the fanclub, and I believe she is a major drive in the fanbase as well. She loves to do fan zines and 1010 based fan events along with charity streams, so much so the troops and Captain know her and met her in person multiple times! She even earned the nickname Kayane Pepper from Yellow | Green.

Celine

☆ Around 29 - 31 years olds. She is the older sister of Gigi and Joey. Gigi [27] being  the middle kid while Joey [25]  the youngest. All of them share a similar colour palette so honestly I really do see them all as siblings. Celine is the mature older sibling who deals with both of her brother’s shenanigans. ☆ Gigi’s a very fun loving dude, chill and friendly- very giving and such- he tries to see the good and everything and is the one that often cheers and brings out Celines bubbly loving side- her protective and funny side that not a lot of people get to see- he’s the middle who had to watch his big sister give up everything and his little brother struggle in the world- he’s faced hardships and how the world is unfair-  ☆ Joeys uppity to fuck and had “refined” tastes as a music elitist he wants more his fine taste and how artists don’t seem to try in his eyes comes from his Celine worked her absolute ass off for what? Scraps! His bitterness comes from the situation and everything around him. If his sister can work harder than these diluted trashy pop stars can, why do they deserve his praise? ☆ All of them provide comfort for one another, and all can equally be the anchor that can ground the others too. Since they’ve all dealt with loss and pain before, trust and honesty is a really big thing for all of them. 

☆ Both of her parents sadly passed away while she was a teenager so she had to step up to look after her brothers. Taking on two jobs to support them and put money on the table she had to self her own dreams and wants for the time being. She suffers from having to mature so quickly in life she struggles opening up and letting her walls down. She’s so used to having to be the strong figure head she ignores and pushes down her own feelings in return. ☆ Her mother was an aspiring fashion designer albeit their family wasn’t the most wealthy. Her mother used to create clothes from whatever scraps she could find using hand me downs as well. The two always bonded by doing make up and dressing up. So fashion, art and makeup is a big comfort for her, she feels complete and close to her mother in a sense when dolled up in the clothes. It is an art form an extension of who you are. Beauty is pain. Each stitch, each yard of fabric comes with a price. She has a dream and she’ll work herself to the bone to achieve it. She wants to thrive in a world that was pitted against her. Her mother’s creations really inspired her to be the fashionista and designer she is today. ☆  Actually decent friends with Zed, the two met when they were in their late teens! She was a waitress in a small local diner and he was the nerdy guy who was always at the same table, same time of the same day each week with no fail. Celine may seem like a popular preppy girl but it was quite the opposite, she was more of the loner type due to home situation and Zed being the socially awkward nerd. The two despite the odds became good friends, seeing him was always the highlight of her week. ☆ Possibly has the biggest crush on Amal you’ve ever seen and hates it too. Somehow that dorky unicorn man galloped his way into her heart. With his god awful taste in fashion and his embarrassing love for unicorns, somehow she finds it cute and endearing although she’d never admit it out loud.

[afoolforatook]

V8 Ch 4 and Qrow’s speech about Clover.  And how we talk about how a character grieves, versus how grief is handled by writers.

So I really shouldn’t post this tonight because it’s 4 am and I’m tired and I’ve been thinking about this too much today already and this is something I should read over more..... But I’ve got to get it out before I can try to sleep. So, first off I apologize if this comes across poorly, or overly confrontational. It’s not at all how I mean it and I’m genuinely not upset with literally anyone. Just seeing some things that have me thinking about this more and more and it has me a little concerned, and I want to talk about it a bit more directly. 

I’ll probably add to this later or clarify or something… I just had to get it out of my head. 

I already talked about this some in response to theonceoverthinker’s post about it, and I’m too tired to try to cover all of that again, so if you want more context on how I feel about this, and why, please go read it. 

But I’ve seen some more posts about this conversation, and while for the most part I agree with a lot of what’s being said (and often on both sides of whether or not this was a good speech from Qrow) there’s one thing that I do want to address a little more that I think a lot of people aren’t aware of. 

In talking about this it’s important that we differentiate between having a problem with how we think the writers are going to use this speech to frame things, and having a problem with the fact that Qrow said what he said in the context of his current emotional state and grieving process. 

Do I think this was just amazing perfect writing and handling of Qrow expressing these feelings? Absolutely not. I have plenty of issues and really can’t say how I feel about it until I know where they are taking it/how they are using it to frame the entire situation.

Do I think it was just inherently awful callous dialogue that frames Clover as only important to Qrow because of his semblance and what that meant for Qrow/interaction with his semblance? 

Absolutely not. 

And that’s exactly where I have a bit of an issue. 

Because I totally understand people’s concern with that speech. And I have a very hard time right now trusting that CRWBY will handle it properly and not just use it to turn the narrative into blaming Clover. I don’t know if I trust them or not. I just don’t know. And that is deeply concerning. 

But the just surface of what Qrow said, without knowing how they will use it and further show his feelings, is not just the inherently awful thing I’m seeing some people take it as. And the reasons I’ve seen for people saying so, while completely valid things to take issue with in regards to CRWBY’s intentions in writing them, can’t just be blanket applied as issues with the fact that Qrow said them at all. (this is one of the things I feel fairly certain I’m not explaining well rn, and I’m just too tired to figure out. So I hope it at all makes sense).

My point is; depending on how things go from here on out, CRWBY may be completely wrong for why they included these lines and what they are having them mean. But Qrow, as a character, is not inherently wrong for having said or felt them. 

I can totally see why you would interpret these lines as concerning, and just plain poor takes on how to frame what happened in ch 12, and who to blame, and the nature of Clover’s importance to Qrow.. And like I said, it could very well be intended that way and negate everything I’m saying here. But by itself it’s not so black and white horrible. 

And this is exactly why I’m so nervous about how they handle Qrow’s grief. Because grief is a complicated thing. And what someone like me, who has processed a similar grief in a similar way, gets from this kind of scene can be very different to someone who hasn’t. And all of this said, I’m not trying to assume what anyone else has been through, or invalidate any grief, it’s very likely that others have dealt with a similar loss and feel very differently, or experienced their grief very differently. But, what I hope we all can agree on is that no one has the right to tell someone else they are grieving wrong. 

The thing about the kind of grief that Qrow is dealing with right now? It’s very rarely shown how people actually deal with it, especially in more than just one short scene. And if it is, it’s often romanticised and sterilized to be made into something easily understood by people who haven’t gone through anything like that. 

Because the truth is, this kind of grief is ugly. It’s complicated and contradicts itself. It can seem selfish and self absorbed. It is angry and reactionary. 

And it is very easy to say that what Qrow said is toxic or wrong. But it’s not. The intention the writers have in having him say it that way very well might be. But just what he said? 

Y’all that’s fucking grief. 

Fresh. Ugly. Messy. Angry. Confused. Tired. Grief. 

Healthy grief does not mean fair, clear headed, sensitive, open minded takes from the get go. 

Grief is incredibly flawed and unflattering.

And what concerns me is seeing people say it was outright terribly written dialogue, that was callous, and showed that Qrow didn’t really care about Clover beyond how he made him feel better about his semblance. 

Because when you’re grieving like that, one of the biggest fears is that people will tell you you are grieving wrong. That you’re being selfish. That you’re making it all about you. That somehow the way you are grieving proves that you didn’t really love the person as much as you thought. That if you just loved them more, if you were less selfish, if you were just a better person, you wouldn’t think those kinds of things.

And you internalise that shit. You internalise even just the fear of people thinking that. And that’s how people close up about their grief. That’s how people feel guilty for how they grieve. And that makes actually processing your grief and starting to heal so much harder, if not impossible. 

Qrow is still in the immediate aftermath of this loss. I’m awful with the exact timeline, but it’s what, like somewhere around 48 hours? With continued trauma going on around him. 

It is literally not possible for him to process everything fully like this.

The fact is that someone struggling with that kind of grief and trauma, and it having happened in a situation as complicated as what happened on the tundra (regardless of how terribly all of it was written), they’re going to say things that seem selfish. Or even victim blaming. Because they are processing. They are having to reconcile their own hurt and anger and grief and confusion. Fight between how they feel about the person they’ve lost, and their instinct to, in some way, protect themselves from a painful truth of how things really happened or who was to blame, or what mistakes they made. Even with Qrow accepting some of that blame, maybe even way more than he should, he’s still going to reflexively try to avoid taking parts of it that are particularly painful. I hate 90% of how people think of the stages of grief, mostly because they are not the clear linear thing that is often thought of. But this is the anger in a sense. It’s a protective lashing out. “If Clover had only!-” He wants to be angry, wants to be able to just say Clover was wrong, but as soon as he does he cuts himself off. He feels bad for trying to put the blame on Clover. That’s natural. 

Is it cool if CRWBY is trying to frame that as right? Fuck no. But the fact that Qrow is feeling it, is expressing it, is struggling with it back and forth? There is nothing wrong with that. 

Hell. Qrow even being able to say that it was his fault in some way, that he chose wrong in working with Tyrian, but then also stand firm in that he did not actually kill Clover, and apparently this is not the first time he’s said that. It might not be perfect. But the fact that he can even be there at this point is huge. 

I have said nearly exactly that same speech.  I said and thought things in the first week, even months, of my grief, that, even at the time, I knew were selfish. Were making everything about me. I hated myself for it. But I couldn’t stop it. And If I had tried? I wouldn’t have processed everything. I would have chastised myself for feeling things that I thought were wrong to feel. That’s not how you process grief. It’s how you get stuck in it. 

But the way Qrow looks at the pin? The way he pulls his thumb over it. The weak little laugh. The way he rushes to hide it. The fact that the first time we see him really asserting himself and his innocence is when Harriet threatens to take it from him. 

I know all of that. That exact expression, movement. 

He is so close to breaking. And he’s Qrow. He’s self conscious, self hating, isolating, Qrow. Talking about how this just confirms his own ideas of his position in relationships, his own fears about the danger of his semblance? That’s easy. That’s normal. It hurts like shit, but it’s manageable, he’s done it plenty of times before. Now it’s just a bit more raw. 

But flat out talking about the entire loss that was Clover? About their bond ,and who Clover was as a person, and his potential, his future? The loss that Clover experienced in having his life cut short? 

Maybe I’m shamelessly projecting again. But I truly do not believe that Qrow could manage to think, let alone talk, about that right this moment, and not completely break down. Which he knows he can’t afford to do yet. 

Talking about himself. About his semblance and what Clover meant to him in that regard. Is painful. It hurts. It’s heartbreaking. But it’s familiar. 

It’s angry. It’s small weak laughs because you are nowhere even close to okay but you can’t be as broken as you really are right now, so you’ve just got to stick it out.  

Qrow is Qrow. Regardless of whether the writers pull this off appropriately or not, I have no doubt that this man understands, and has thought long and hard, about autonomy. About the tragedy of how death strips every last shred of it from a person. About the cruelty of someone’s death not even being seen as about them. 

But right this moment, he can’t focus on that. There’s too much still to do. To worry about. To protect. 

Talking about Clover? Just as Clover? 

Facing that unfairness, that loss of autonomy, that stolen future (whether or not that future involved Qrow)? That is an entirely different kind of pain. 

I’m four years removed from my loss and I still can’t think about that too much because it’s physically painful. It’s irreconcilable. I can joke and laugh and be crass about how empty I worry my life will always be without Emma. But thinking, talking, about what I feel when I just sit with the fact that she’s not just not here with me, but she’s gone. All the things she never got to do or be or feel. The crushing cruelty of her having no say in how her story ended, or how she is remembered. I have made talking about my grief my career. And that is still something I have no words for. Thinking about it in those first few days? Is a large part of why I don’t remember so much of that time. It was too painful, so I just blocked it out. 

I said things. I thought things. I believed things. That were not fair. That were more about me and my pain than Emma. Hell, I know there were moments I was angry, and there wasn’t even anyone to try to blame for what happened. It was ugly emotion after ugly emotion. Bitterness piled upon bitterness. But that was part of the process. 

My point is. I totally understand if this speech makes you nervous. If you can’t trust the writers to turn it around into something good, that doesn’t frame it as Clover’s fault, or as Clover only being important to Qrow because of his semblance. 

But please know, that what Qrow actually said? Even if he was starting to blame Clover. Even if he was focusing only on how it hurt him because of his semblance. That is a natural part of grieving. It doesn’t matter if it would be an awful outlook for him to have at the end of everything. 

He’s not at the end. He’s processing. 

And outright saying that him saying that the semblance thing is what ‘really stings’, or being angry that Clover didn’t just listen to him, or anything else, is wrong and uncaring, isn’t fair. 

It might not be the right perspective. It might be blatantly wrong and unfair and self absorbed. But that’s okay. He’s not callous for that. 

His feelings about Clover, his respect for Clover, his grief over Clover’s death and the loss of his autonomy? None of that is diminished by him having moments where he wants to blame Clover, or where he focuses more on how this hurts him than how unfair it is for Clover. (again. I’m talking about just the surface of him saying this, not the intent and eventual narrative the writers have in doing it this way). 

I just want people to be careful as they talk about this. Because it’s valid. And both sides are valid in multiple ways. 

But please. Be careful in how you show your dislike for what you feel/fear the writers are going to do, and how you frame the issues with what Qrow said. 

Grief is an incredibly isolating thing. And when it’s fresh it’s so easy to feel horrible, to literally hate yourself, for the thoughts you have while processing your grief. 

We all want this to be handled properly, and we all are nervous about how bad it could be if it isn’t. But the last thing we need is people saying that Qrow is wrong or selfish for feeling and expressing what he is feeling, while he processes something so overwhelming and complicated as everything that is going on right now. 

It’s not fair to Qrow, but more importantly, it’s hurtful for everyone watching who has dealt with or is still dealing with these unpleasant, often shameful and seemingly vilified aspects of grief. 

There is no wrong or right way to grieve. There is nothing wrong with you for thinking things you normally wouldn’t, or for focusing on your own pain. The ugly parts of your grief do not mean you don’t care about the person you lost enough.

Just remember that the concern here should be about how the writers intend to use this speech. 

Not that Qrow said what he said. Those feelings can be wrong, unfair, selfish. But there’s nothing wrong with him for feeling that way right now. It doesn’t mean Clover meant anything less to him. 

It’s just grief. 

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol. 20

I want to try to break the book into three main chunks. The last time I did that, it was easier to write about. So uh, the first chunk has to do with Tohru and her feelings about Kyo, and Kagura's reaction, the second chunk is Akito and Ren's past being revealed (it's totally a mess but it's to be expected), and the third chunk is about things unraveling.

Ok cool let's do it. (The picture was at the end of one of the chapters, I just liked it a lot idk) (also tumblr needs to increase the character limit for the alt text, it's only 200 characters, which goes by quick. twitter has like,, 420, which is more manageable)

Tohru came to Kazuma's house to visit Izusu, and Kagura came to confront Tohru about something. What possibly could it be (as if I didn't say so in the beginning)? Kagura was talking about it a bit with Kazuma, and he said he just hopes that Tohru's feelings don't come from a place of pity (which is a mild "oof" point for Kagura, because that's mostly why she loved Kyo), because Kyo has had to deal with people either flat out hating him, or being nice to him out of a sense of pity. Even Kazuma admitted (earlier in the series. I don't remember when but I remember reading it) that part of the reason he took in Kyo as a child was because he was making it up for how he treated his grandfather, the previous Cat. Over time, those feelings fell away, in favor of genuinely caring for Kyo's wellbeing, but Kazuma doesn't seem to be the one who would forget about stuff like that. (Also it turns out that the previous Cat's partner basically stayed with him out of a sense of pity, as well)

It turns out that Izusu and Tohru were talking about the same thing, and Tohru worried if her feelings for Kyo were selfish, because she wanted nothing to take Kyo away from her, not the curse, not the Sohma family, nothing. Kagura then bust into the room, smacked Tohru across the fucking room it seems, and said, "Then fucking tell him that!!" (direct quote, 100%) Izusu yelled at Kagura for hitting Tohru, asking what right she had for doing that, but given Kagura's nature, it doesn't seem completely out of nowhere. She just got pretty emotional in that moment.

For Tohru, it seemed to knock the right screw loose for her, and she thought back to when she was talking about her father to Kyo, and if he said really anything against what she was talking about, she apparently would've just zipped her lips and pretended she hadn't said anything, and moved on, but he didn't. Which is pretty nice of him to do, honestly. Anyway, when she came to again (because she got knocked out from Kagura's emotion-packed slap), Kyo was sitting there, because Kazuma had called him, ("Hey dude so there was a smackdown here and Tohru got knocked out lmao" is how I'm imagining the call. kjdhkfgjh can you imagine Kazuma saying "lmao" I can't) but Kyo didn't ask about the fight (which was a Wise Lesson from Shishou™), another nice thing for him to do, though in my opinion it would be a pretty easy thing to explain.

Ok, so now onto the second chunk, which kinda has some of the stuff in the third chunk later on but whatever. Story flow, it's pristine today.

It starts with some of the,, maids? or something that are in the Sohma house (they never get names so far as I can tell, and I don't really know what to call them, but at one point someone referred to one of them as a maid, I think? Idk.) talking about Ren, and wondering why Akito still let Ren wander around freely like she does. Another said that Akito can only do so much, because apparently there is a crowd of people in the house that are "Ren-followers", and if she had Ren be completely contained within an area, there's a chance that those followers might start some shit, which would be a headache to deal with. One of the maids said that Akito has been sick (or holed up in her room) for too long, and the rest of the Juunishi are doing nothing to help, which does not help with Ren, who spouts out stuff about how the Juunishi doesn't really care about Akito at all. The maids seem to have a particular thing against Ren, because they view her as an unsuitable woman who somehow managed to become partners with Akira, the previous God, I think, but also the father of Akito.

Speaking of Akito, she has a box. That same box that Ren tried to use Izusu to get back. Something about that box has to do with Akira, and it seems important to both Akito and Ren, though honestly at this point Akito is probably just holding onto it out of spite for Ren, I wouldn't be surprised (I, too, am a petty bitch. I understand the mindset). She asked Kureno if he has any idea what is in it, and when he says he doesn't, she simply says, "Father."

Now we jump over to Ren and Shigure, who are also talking about about that elusive box. Apparently Shigure was tasked to get the box, but obviously he didn't succeed. He said (thought? He didn't say it aloud, it was one of those thoughts thing--- anyway) that he didn't really care, he didn't even want to touch that box, much less even look at it, it was no loss to him. Out loud, he says that it would be inappropriate for him to hold it, and Ren agrees, saying that only she can have it, just like how only she could have Akira, when he was alive. Are you already sensing where this is heading? Well, I'll say it anyway.

Flash back to Kureno, he's thinking about Akira, from when he was younger and Akira was still alive. He remembers Akira as very beautiful, in a fleeting way. Akira was sickly, all the time, and sad. Everyone knew that he wouldn't live for very long. But since he was the head of the house, of the family, it was imperative that he find a partner and produce an heir. That person was Ren, who was one of his care-takers. The rest of the staff (or something??) didn't like that she was going to be with Akira, it seemed unsuitable, but she was the only candidate. She was the only person who recognized how lonely he was, is what Akira said as a defense when people objected. And so, they were married. The older members of the family despised it, the younger thought it was the beginning of a new change, a new era. Ren said (because this section is flipping between Kureno and Ren) that it was only them two (haha grammar): Akira and Ren, they were all who mattered. She was everything to Akira. So when she had Akito, well, that muddled things. Because now there was another person that Akira loved: his own fuckin child. That's right. Ren got jealous of her own child because Akira loved his very own daughter. That's,, that's something. Shortly after that, Ren decided that Akito would be raised as a boy. Or maybe it was while she was still pregnant. At any rate, she said it was because it would be unsuitable for the head of the family to be a woman, but we all know the real reason: it's so that Akira wouldn't be loving another girl, even though that other girl was his daughter. Jfc Ren is a handful. From Kureno's memory, it seems like even as a kid, Shigure recognized that.

Back to Shigure and Ren, Shigure says that he feels sorry for Ren, probably thanks to all that upset she has. She says the same, that the Juunishi have had to deal with the abuse that Akito has dealt to them simply because of that "bond", and that there's no way that anyone could honestly love Akito. Shigure also comments that sometimes he thinks that if Akito had been raised as a woman, she'd look exactly like Ren, which instantly pisses Ren off. She just starts screaming about "Who do you have to thank for Akito being born! I'm the reason that (insert angry comment about how she's the only reason why x happened)". I'm kinda glad she isn't in the series much, this is exhausting. I know she's in the book later, and maybe a bit more in the next few, but jeez. It's a lot.

Anyway, let's end the chapter with Momiji having his curse be broken. The end is near (for the Juunishi, not this post lmao).

The second that the curse breaks, Akito knows it (that's probably the bond. I doubt it's some kinda "we'll be friends forever uwu" kinda thing, it's just kinda an awareness of each other, or maybe just God's awareness of everyone) and races towards Momiji, begging him to not leave. Now that the curse is broken, Momiji is confused as to how those thoughts he had prior for Akito were even there, now that he sees Akito clinging onto him, whimpering and panicked. Momiji waves her away, saying that he'll keep it a secret, and that Akito should go rest, wasn't she feeling sick earlier?

We pan over to the school, where Haru is asking Yuki if he's noticed anything off about Momiji. Haru can't place it, but something seems off, maybe not. Kyo ends up running into Momiji walking down a hallway, and asks him about it (he overheard the others talking about it), and Momiji just out and says it: his curse broke. He said he imagines that Tohru would be happier about it if it were Kyo's curse that broke, and that he (Momiji) lost. (I guess he lost in some unspoken one-sided competition of "getting" Tohru, because y'know she's not her own person who is capable of deciding these things for herself or anything)

Later, Momiji goes back to the main Sohma estate, to apologize to Akito for how he acted yesterday, but also to say that he won't be staying there any longer. Akito takes it like a champ, slapping Momiji across the face and insulting him, saying that he's a traitor, he has nowhere else to go, his family either doesn't remember him or hates him, he'll never be happy! and Momiji's just like, "Yeah lol I already feel lonely", that he can't be with the person he loves, and he no longer has that One Thing that previously connected him to most of the other people he's close with, and that there's no going back. He does say though, that it's not Akito's decision or place to say whether Momiji will ever be happy or not, because he might not be happy now, that does not mean that he won't ever be happy in the future. He then asks Akito how long she will stay at the house, thinking that eventually, everyone will come back to her, that no one will be happy without her. What if it's actually her that is most afraid-- Akito isn't down for an analysis, she just tells Momiji to leave.

Let's now go down memory lane, down a nice and happy time, especially for Akito and Ren: Akira's death and it's after effects. Happy times. (apparently i was wrong, the thing i said was the third chunk that wove in nicely with the second was just the second chunk, i think this is the actual third chunk)

Akito is thinking back (on a rainy morning, extra points for setting the mood) on her relationship with her parents. With Akira, it was nice, he always was kind and caring, telling Akito that she is what everyone has been waiting for, and that she thought she was the one Akira loved the most. With Ren, however, she was always cruel, from the start. She always glared at Akito, she was always mean. Akito hates her. We're brought back to the day Akira died, where Ren bursts into the room, asking why she wasn't notified sooner, why Akira had to die alone. One of the attendants said his condition worsened too quickly to call Ren close by, but also that Akira hadn't died alone; he died with Akito by his side. The attendant said that Akira's will had been passed onto Akito, she was now the head of the family. Ren was angered at that, there's no reason for Akito to still be around now! She only tolerated her child being around because Akira liked her, but now that Akira is gone, there is no one to love or care about Akito. Akito said that wasn't true, that all of the Juunishi will love her, because of their bond. (Which is basically what Akira said. He put most of that stuff into her head, and she doubled down on it whenever Ren said anything against it, which might as well be every single time they were around each other)

Back to the present, Kureno comes in the room to talk about something, but Akito interrupts him, saying that she was happy when Yuki was born, as the Rat. It was mostly just something she used to prove Ren wrong, and she used it as long as she could (much to the deterioration of Yuki's mental health). She thought back, over the years, to all the bad things that had happened, how she tried so hard to keep everyone close, and how all of them had, one by one, come to "betray" (cough cough, try to live their own lives, cough cough) her. After Shigure and Yuki left to their present residence, Ren said that they had given up on Akito. When Akito again mentioned their bond (which, really, now that I think about it, has basically been the singular thing straining to keep everything under control. Akito's sole sense of identity was being God, she's never had anything else.), Ren waved it away, then challenged that if any of the Juunishi can go out into the world, experience it in all it's freaky magical ways, and not be taken in by it, and instead return to Akito, then she will have been proved wrong, Akito's claims this whole time will have been correct. If they failed to, however, Ren said that Akito would have to give up the Sohma name. But Akito believed it, she truly believed she was right, that nothing big enough would come between her and the rest of the Juunishi (Tohru has entered the chat). She had to believe it, she just had to. But now, it's evident, between how Haru reacted upon learning about Izusu, Momiji's demeanor after the curse broke, the general way that the rest of the Juunishi float away from Akito, that it isn't true, and with that, she has nothing to hope for.

Upon this realization, Ren bursts into the room, knee-length hair floating around her, eyes crazed, knife in hand, demanding for Akira. Demanding for that box, and whatever contents were inside. In response, Akito fuggin yeeted it at Ren, she didn't give a shit. It flashed back to right before Akira died, and he soothed Akito by saying that, despite dying, he will always be with her. He wanted for Ren to be happy. He wasn't upset that he was dying so soon, he knew that he was just a man who was going to die, but he was happy that he was able to have a child, and to have had that child with Ren, and since that child was special, it was proof that their relationship was a special one. Back to the present, Ren scrambles to the box, tears it open hungrily to find,,, nothing. The box was empty. It'd always been empty, said to have held Akira's soul, but it was mostly just something to help Akito with Akira's passing. Suddenly, Akito grabbed the knife that fell from Ren's hand, poised to stab Ren but then--

Hiro's curse broke. Ren can thank that bond she always scoffed at for saving her life. But hey, now Hiro can hold his baby sister, which is nice. Yay for family moments.

Boo for Akito, because it's just really grinding in that the curse is quickly falling apart, and there's absolutely nothing that she can do about it. Ren taunts Akito, asking if she was trying to kill her. The attendants blow up, one yelling at Ren for making such a scene, taking a knife with her, and another scolds the first for giving Akito that box in the first place, it's stupid! The first attendant said that Akito knew from the start that it was empty, common sense would say that much! (idk man it could've held one last letter from Akira to Akito, a letter wouldn't affect the weight of the box significantly, it's not common sense)

Akito leaves the room, and Kureno follows. Akito says that it was both common sense but also not, that there wasn't anything in the box. She wanted to believe there was a chance that something was in that box, some kind of invisible energy that would help her. But even after opening it, seeing that it was empty, she still held onto it, knowing there wasn't anything. And that was her common sense, that's what she thought. She'd never been given any other way of thinking, of living, so why and how should anyone expect differently? Kureno says that she can start learning now, that that was what he wanted to talk about earlier, that she can't stay here, she'll never be able to move on, to which Akito cuts him off with "Fuggin now, bitch?? You're saying that now?? That doesn't help me! It would have helped in the beginning! But not fucking now!" (which btw is true. i doubt akito was even allowed to go to a public school, that she was schooled within the estate. i really believe that she's never really been outside of the the properties that the Sohma family owns) Then she stabs Kureno, with that knife she's been holding all this time. She reasons with it saying that Kureno's "halfway kindness" has been killing her this whole time, that it can't be fixed by Kureno saying that maybe Akito should go touch some grass. As Akito is running from the scene (more like haggardly stumbling), she continues thinking that it's Kureno's fault, it's not on her, until she remembers what Yuki was saying at the New Year's gathering about blame. It doesn't really fix anything, it just momentarily makes you think that you're not in the wrong. *record scratch* What if it's Akito's fault, then? All of this? What if it's her fault? What if it's the fault of the person who made everyone change? What if it's Tohru's fault?? (dun dun dunnnn)

Meanwhile, back at the other Sohma house (Shigure's house?) Tohru has some confessing to do. Before that though, Kyo has some confessing to do, though not about the same thing. He tells Tohru that he knew her mom before she died, and that he was the reason she died. He tells her that they met when he was really young, and how they had kinda become friends (in that way that people become friends by talking often, but Kyo never told Kyoko his name, because he had some weird thing about having a name so similar). That all fell apart the day that Tohru went missing. He promised that he would find her and rescue her, but after finding that Yuki had done it (the evidence was The Hat), he lashed out, and never talked to Kyoko again. Years later, when he was at the crosswalk, who was beside him but Kyoko, who he recognized instantly. He wasn't sure what to do, whether to say something to her or hold back. He was totally able to grab her arm, get her out of harm's way, but he didn't, he was too scared. (plus yaknow the whole cat thing) He beats himself up about, still to this day. He does the same with his own mom's death. It was his fault that his mom killed herself, she couldn't stand having such a monster as a child. It was too much for her, and she couldn't take any longer. (It wasn't. I won't say that his mom wasn't put under strain for having Kyo, for knowing that he wasn't human, that he turned into a weird monster if his bracelet was taken off, but from what we've seen of his dad, it was probably at least 85-90% his dad's fault. He was too caught up in the politics of the Sohma family, ashamed of the fact that Kyo was the Cat, the worst out of them, that he couldn't even salvage having one of the good freaks to have as a child of his, and he took it all out on his wife and later his son.)

And the book ends on that cheery note. (Why do I say stuff like that why I am I like this)

[the-nado-hunter]

So i just finished watching infinity train book 3, and god damn i’m thinking a lot about all the characters with trauma in animation and whether they get a redemption arch or not.

So when should a character get a redemption arch? When should they not?

I wound up thinking about some of the paralells between simon and catra, both of them have similar bouts grasping for power and control, both of them do some really bad things, and both of them blame someone else for “making” them do bad things.

So what’s the difference? Why did Catra end up redeemed and Simon died in probably one of the most horrific ways I’ve ever seen in modern western animation that’s generally aired with a familly audience in mind (save for maybe the hanging scene in Tarzan)? What’s the difference between the two?

I think for one Catra was actually manipulated, and Simon only thought he was being manipulated. Simon was convinced anything that didn’t align with what he thought had to be a lie. He was abandoned, even if on accident, that’s hard for a kid in a scary place to go through, and he latched on to Grace early on but he retained trust issues after that.

Catra was abused and manipulated by shadow weaver who had pit her against adora since they were children and never ever given the attention and love she needed as a child. She learned that climbing for power in the hoard was the only way to not be hurt. In her mind, everything would be fine if she could gain control.

Simon also felt that control was the best way to cope. Being a part of the Apex as a leader by Grace’s side meant he felt fulfilled and never had to deal with either the consequences of their actions due to the apex members convincing themselves that non-passengers were all liers/manipulaters, so it made it easy to harm and destroy them because they convinced themselves they didn’t need to feel empathy for them because they were “nothing”. Even if people like Lake, Hazel, Tuba, Samantha the Cat, and Atticus have all shown us to this point that they certainly do have feelings and act in self preservation as well as feel loss on a deep level. Its actualy being around and getting to know Hazel due to mistaking her for a passenger that lets Grace begin to see that... but Simon resents Hazel from beginning to end, wheels Tuba and feels no regret for it, even before knowing she wasn’t a passenger he didn’t treat Hazel with any empathy despite Grace begging him to “think of how you felt when you lost your friend when you were her age”, and treated Hazel as a means to an end at best. Because Hazel upset the status quo he felt initially, his control was slipping, he couldn’t tell everything that was going on with Grace all the time, and he reacted violently.

Then in She-Ra... eventually Catra listened, she felt guilt, she was open to being wrong, while she had her moment of anger of being treated unfairly and tried to blame adora for all her problems despite adora offering to help and let Catra come with her numerous times... she realized she needed to change, she realized she needed to work through things, and realized that if she wanted adora to stay in her life, she had to show Adora she cared and stop pushing her and everyone else away out of fear.

Simon on the other hand... never questioned himself. Even when repeatedly hurting and trying to kill someone he supposedly loved. When he hurt Grace he didn’t feel remorse, he felt there was something wrong with her for feeling hurt. When Grace didn’t act or say the things he wanted, he got angry and violent. He invaded her memories and her mind and forced her to relive trauma- giving the excuse that if she hadn’t lied to him, this wouldn’t have happened. This a tactic a lot of abusers use, they blame the victim for making them act that way. Its a way of control by trying to tell the victim “if you do what I say, you won’t get hurt” Sure, when he shoved Grace off the train and thought she had died, maybe somewhere deep down there was a thought of “oh god what have I done” but he still reacted violently. His trauma consumed him, because he didn’t want to change, he was unable to see anything wrong with what he was doing because he was right. I’d theorize that even in that moment where his expression shifted then shifted back, even then he was justifying in his own mind that it was necessary, that Grace made him do that.

The train couldn’t help someone who can’t change. Its tragic, because when we see a character like that on screen and watch him through the lighter moments in the show you... hope that he’ll be redeemed... right? Have a change of heart? But he didn’t. If he had any remorse at all, it was too little too late. That is a real thing that happens, you hope that people will change, get help, turn around and redeem themselves... but sometimes... that doesn’t happen. And it’s not on the people around that person to “fix” them, its not their responsibility to feel guilty for not “doing enough” or “doing the right things” when that person refuses to do anything differently and continues to harm people and act in violence. That’s full on victim blaming, and no one ever deserves that.

Even when Catra is in full villain mode, as Double Trouble pointed out you can tell her heart isn’t in it. What she did to Entrapta in a moment of panic haunted her, loosing Scorpia was a wake up call of how she pushes people away. She came to the conclusion that she wasn’t right, then in the last season she stopped blaming everyone else, she stopped blaming adora, she and adora both stood up to shadow weaver for constantly trying to tear them apart and torturing Catra to try and make Adora do what she wanted.

Catra... broke out of it. When she saw Adora and how angry she was after Catra opened the portal, when Double Trouble gave her a reality check, and I’d argue especially after she was rescued from Horde Prime and Adora, incredibly hurt said “you don’t have to see me anymore” fully realized she has to figure out how to stop pushing others away, because she doesn’t like that she’s hurt her friends, and she accepts responsibility and tries to help. She’s not going to be perfect, we still see that she lashes out and pushes people away here and there even after being saved from horde prime, but the difference is she wants to change, she wants to do good, she not only wants adora in her life, but wants adora to be happy, and it infuriates her when Adora feels like she has to sacrifice herself for everyone else.

Simon didn’t stop when he saw Grace was hurt, crying, scared of him, growing away from him, and instead of feeling sympathy, sitting down and talking to her not going “what’s wrong with you??”. When grace realizes Simon is hurt when in the cabin with Samantha, she immediately goes after him and says “this must be hard for you, i’m sorry I didn’t see it... this is why I’ve been distracted.” But even then, Simon still seems to take Grace’s problem as a threat, something that needs to be fixed so things can go back to “normal” I.E. when he felt in control. Grace herself pointed out he was making everything about him. Because at all points when he sees her upset, he blames her, tells her she’s been brainwashed, that she’s not acting “normal”. He blames her every step of the way then plays victim. By the end he’s become an abuser through and through, the whole time blaming everyone else for his own actions. He invaded Grace’s mind, forced her to relive her most traumatic memories to trap her in her own mind, then tried to kill her right after she saved him.

I think that’s the difference between the two. One wanted to change and recognized their actions hurt people and felt guilt for it... anything Catra did is a byproduct of what the Horde raised her to be, for anyone that was found as a child by the hoard and manipulated and played against Adora by Shadow Weaver. She was trained to be a soldier, and told she would suffer if Adora fell out of the Hoard’s control. When she has her breakdown when she’s supposedly at the top of her game, its because she deep down doesn’t want to do this, she’s climbed her way to the top hoping that she’ll stop feeling and be “happy”, but she’s got to the top, and lost everything that she really cared about, and it gets to her.

The other insisted they were right and if someone was hurt by him they made him do it right up until the end. He became the leader of the Apex, his whole body covered in numbers, more than anyone - but as long as Grace was around to question him, his control wouldn’t be absolute. There’s still a certain amount of doubt to be eliminated.

And that’s why one got a redemption arch and was given the chance to change... and one was completely destroyed by their own actions. Catra (and also Glimmer honestly) shows how you can come out of trauma on the other side and begin to heal while still acknowledging that your trauma doesn’t justify your actions when they hurt people, but you can take steps and accept help that make it so your not having to face it all alone.

Simon is a cautionary tale about how when trauma goes un-dealt with, when don’t want to change, accept help, or even consider any other view point , and don’t take accountability for the damage you inflict on others, it consumes you and inevitably destroys you. And eventually the trauma he inflicted on everyone else came back to bite him.

Last thing I’ll say is fucking good for Grace for telling him to his face she’s not responsible for him and his actions, and no longer taking all the blame he was throwing at her for daring to have empathy, be kind, and want things to be different.

Those are my thoughts at least. I’m so glad these shows are taking a serious hard look at these topics, and now we can say we have shows that cover these topics in an adult way and don’t sugar coat it. Simon is a well written character, because it shows how someone can become abusive and violent resulting from trauma... but unlike a lot of movies about serial killers and whatnot, it doesn’t for a moment try to say he’s justified in anything he does. We feel the very real emotions from Grace coming to terms with changing her own views and also the horror and hard emotions that come from this guy that was her closest friend turning on her and hurting her like this. Those are some really... really complicated emotions to go through in a short animated show, but god damn... they did it

[batboysheadcanons]

This is your spoiler warning about Justice League Dark: Apokolips War. I’ll put it in the tags too.

But basically, I thought it was beautifully done. It was violent, heartfelt, heartbreaking, and I just felt so many emotions during it all. Truly, it was a master piece to me. Let’s start from the beginning.

John and Zatanna were great together. I love their chemistry, and knowing that they had seemingly worked out their issues since the first JLD, and it’s just lovely. The humor of Bruce being a cockblock was a nice touch.

When discussing Apokolips showing up on Earth’s doorstep, I think they did a good job of showing Superman’s trauma. He is the big blue Boy Scout, and is usually level headed and reasonable but you could see his encounter with Doomsday and Hank in Reign of the Superman, fucked with him and it showed there. To the point where he angerily damages part of their conference room, and is being stubborn with his plan. He didn’t want to take any chances with Darkseid again.

The jump from them flying into Apokolips and the paradoomen (that’s my new name for them), shattering their window to Earth, 2 years later, on fire and practically desolate, was harsh. It was like, they didn’t win. And it allowed us to get backstory, from multiple perspectives, which I thought was nice. John drinking was a good touch, as it shows his serious signs of PTSD, and guilt. Etrogen not even rhyming because he doesn’t see the point was just a hard hitting reminder that this world fucking sucked.

The first encounter between Superman, raven, and John was great. Raven’s annoyance, and “oh fuck this” were perfect. She’s already got a million things to be worried about, a drunk man and a drunk demon don’t need to be added to them. Also Etrogen just burping fire onto the paradoomen was great. A bit of humor to lighten up the dark bits. We also learned a bit more about what happened to the justice league, and got to see many of them visocusly ripped apart or seriously maimed. Knowing that Darkseid didn’t kill all of them either was horrifying, as you know many of them were actually better off dead at some point. John’s sarcastic nature was helpful to not make it too dark and depressing.

Next, to my best boy Damian, who immediately stops the battle with one word and threatens Superman, blaming him for the loss of his teammates and his father. This immediately stops when Raven collapses and we see a range of emotions cross his face, and we all saw those screen caps and they were every bit as good in the movie. He immediately sets aside his disdain for Superman and is worried about her. Finding out Dick died in front of him, protecting him from a paradoomen is super fucking depressing. Learning that he used a Lazarus pit to bring him back but it not working is even worse, and then we get gutted with the line of “he was my brother”. Like you can stop now, my heart can only bleed so much.

Next is the group going to see the suicide squad. First, seeing Lois Lane fight Harley Queen was hot as hell. Secondly, boomerang and John calling each other names and both ending on “wanker” was golden. Third, which this should have honestly been first but it just crossed my kind, is Damian, back in his Robin costume instead of his League of Assassins getup, was chicken noodle soup for my batboy soul. Honestly first thing should have been that king shark and John fucking is CANON. Continuing, Superman actively and positively cheering on Lois in her fight was adorable, and I liked it. Damian and Raven admitting their feelings for each other was great, and I’m really happy that this was the endgame.

Getting to LexCorp tower, and finding out Lex is the sleeper who was feeding Lois information was amazing, because we all wanted it to be Batman, and think that he had actually fought off Darkseid’s brainwashing, and was just in a deep cover until the right time came. But it showed that even Batman can break. They lost a lot of people in the tower, and watching a beast of a woman like Lady Shiva die was terrible, but I will say it felt almost meaningless. I do wish Damian had more of a reaction, as I’m sure he actually knew Shiva quite well, due to his time with the league of assassins since he was born, and when he went back to rule them after losing all of his friends and family. But I guess you can only take so many people to Apokolips. Story wise, it does make sense, it just seemed like it had very little impact on someone who I figured it would have a bigger impact on. Seeing all of Lex’s of kryptonite was good. “I had issues.” Was a great line.

The next part on Apokolips was horrifying. We get cyborg resemblances of what’s left of the justice league. It was physically awful to look at, and I’m sure for our heros, probably doing some psychological damage. The other part of that, took place in Darkseid’s throne room. I will say, I do not buy for one second that Damian would not avoid a laser beam. He’s not out of practice, and he’s been in extreme turmoil before. Back to the throne room, that was a masterfully thought out scene. And I would like to pinpoint the exact climax of the movie, which I found to be my second favorite part, the ending being my favorite part. But it’s not John debugging cyborg and the others, it’s not the beginning of the fight with cyborg, and not even Batman’s fight with Damian. The climax of the movie is when Bruce is getting ready to kill Damian and all of a sudden, he sees himself face to face with Joe Chill, at 8 years old, and dead parents in front of him. Bruce seeing himself in his blood son was the climax of the movie, because it set off the rest of the events for the rest of the movie. Batman breaks and throws the sword at Darkseid. He gets pissed and sends Omega beams towards Bruce, and Damian steps in front and takes it, which does kill him, and that breaks Raven, and she has John free trigon, who invaded Superman’s body, and it just continues from there, until they all got to leave and Darkseid and his paradoomens, along with trigon, end up stuck in the middle of nowhere. We get the damirae kiss at the end, and the flash starting another flashpoint, effectively ending this current continuity, and setting up another one, which I think really went well, considering this is the last movie in this continuity.

Now touching on the previous point of why the climax is my second favorite part of the movie, I never explained why it was that. And for me, it’s because it didn’t have any long winded “good man” speech to accompany it. Don’t get me wrong, I think it worked well with bad blood. But Talia only had him for a little over 2 weeks. Darkseid’s had him for at least 2 years. So it would take more than some words to get it together. But it couldn’t be just any action or any thought. The one thing that pulled him out of Darkseid’s control, is the event that created Batman. It was poetic, and it just worked for me. What better way to come to your senses than to just see the original, and just be like “this is who I am.” Damian mentioned this earlier in the movie too, that Dick’s death almost broke him, the key word being almost. I thought it was great, because Batman took Dick in, because he saw himself in Dick. Dick was the first Robin, and the next in-line to the mantel. Losing any of your children isn’t easy, but losing your first son, and the one who’s always been there is even harder. But it wasn’t enough to break him.

Now I’ll be talking about some things I really liked in this movie that I didn’t include up above, one of them being John Stewart’s last stand on Oa. John, is seemingly the last green lantern alive, the guardians are dead, and any green lanterns that were making a last stand were quickly and brutally dealt with. John is right in front of the source of the green lantern power, and he’s so close. He’s almost got it, the fist is raised, and Darkseid asks for a transfer of some of earth’s magma core onto Oa. He’s burned up, along with the power source for green lanterns. It’s super crushing because you were hoping, that even if he didn’t kill Darkseid, which he probably wasn’t going to, he could at least try to slow him down. But we never got there.

Another thing I liked is when Zatanna reveals that John didn’t run away on his own accord, and that Batman always has a contingency plan. Zatanna knew she was going to die at that point but made sure John made it out so the others could have a shot at eventually winning. First of all, holy shit that is traumatizing, watching someone you love die and you’re running away. But I’m assuming other magicians can feel when magic is being used on them, and so John is so upset with what’s happening that he doesnt even feel the magic being used. He just thinks he ran away, tail between his legs, because he was scared.

Raven letting go and using her demon powers to protect them from the laser beams and then afterwards “I will kill you boy” before immediately calming down and apologizing. Raven letting go to grab Luther and threatening him “no one will mourn you” was *chef’s kiss* everything I ever needed. Damian and Raven were so protective of each other this movie and it was so sweet to watch. You could really see that he did have feelings for her and it was just sweet.

Another part I liked was John offering himself up to Trigon to use as a host body and Trigon said “fuck that” and jumped into Superman, which if you look closely, burned the liquid kryptonite out of his body, which did allow him to return to his normal form when he watched Lois die, which holy shit. Wow. That was uh depressing. But it allowed Superman to gain control again, and it made sense on why Superman was back in his normal form. The other thing, is that Trigon is already a strong being, and from his past experience with the justice league, he knows Superman is strong too. It all made sense, and I do think it was done well.

Finally, John finding out that the Flash is the reason for this is amazing and also depressing, because at this point, if you’ve seen flashpoint paradox, Barry will have to sacrifice his mom to save the rest of the world. A world where everyone is alive. You also find out that their plan to blow up the generator won’t work because flash is the generator. They also use flash at the beginning to tell everyone that he’s seen what happens and that this may not be the time to do it. At the end, broken, battered, and utterly depressed, he knows what he needs to do. Create another flashpoint. I know I mentioned it above, but it really does bring a nice end to this animated universe and opens up the door for a new one. It does seem a little deus ex machina to me, but it’s not overly outlandish like time travel in the quantum realm using pym particles (looking at you marvel). The kiss at the end between Raven and Damian was perfect, because they truly were endgame and that’s all my baby bird heart wanted.

Basically all I wanted to say with this really long post is that I liked Justice Leage Dark: Apokolips War.

[thatwritingho]

I gotchu anon. This one hits close to home😔but tbh was pretty therapeutic to write

If you ever need someone to talk to about it, my dms are always open.

⚠️Obvious trigger warning for child abuse below the cut⚠️

You hated it, how even after all these years, just a string of words, a smell, a nightmare, anything that reminded you even slightly of that time could send you spiraling; amp up your heart rate, disrupt your breathing, force tears to your eyes, and steal your ability to speak. 

It was rarer, these days, for that all consuming feeling of dread and fear to overtake you. Time would never heal this, but it was easier to push it to the back of your mind, to go through the motions of your day to day like a semi-functional human being, with the trauma of days long gone buried securely behind multiple thick walls.

So rare, in fact, that you had never brought it up to your lover. Its not that you didn't trust them, far from it. Your conversations had merely never turned in that direction, and there was never a right time to just bring that up. You kept telling yourself that it didn't matter, that it was long in the past and you hadn't even had an anxiety attack in ages anyway. 

But now, here you were, curled up in your bed, blanket wrapped tightly around your shoulders in an attempt to hold yourself together.

Your door opened and fear shot through you like cold fire, for the briefest of seconds you were that same scared little child again, expecting to see your abuser as your eyes shot to the source of footsteps. Relief washed over you like a warm wave as you saw it was not them, but your lover, their eyes full of barely concealed concern as they rushed to your side, taking your hands in theirs and searching your eyes.

"Whats wrong?"

You opened your mouth, but no words came, only a choked sob as tears spilled down your face. Your tongue felt like lead in your mouth, your jaw wired together by anxiety. Their grip on your hands tightened. 

It was time. You needed to tell them. You wanted to tell them. And so you took a deep breath, and told your story as best as you could.

Itachi:

Listens to you calmly and patiently, though inside his heart is breaking for you. 

He's almost relieved, in a way, that you're opening up to him

It explains so much, and he's kicking himself for not realizing sooner, for not seeing the signs, certain aspects of your behavior, for what they were and putting two and two together

Feels like a terrible boyfriend for not noticing and leaving you to deal with this on your own

But you're not on your own anymore

he may not totally understand your situation, but he's no stranger to traumatic childhood events himself

Makes it clear that he is going to support you and support you hard, making sure you know you can talk to him about this any time

He never brings it up first, but is always ready to listen

All in all yall already know he's perfect boyfriend material and this is no exception

Kisame:

Similar to itachi tbh

But even better

A great listener but also somehow knows exactly what to say???

"You have every right to be upset." 

"You're not defined by this."

"I'm proud of you for being so strong, but you're not alone anymore. I'm here to support you now."

Here king you dropped your crown👑

You will feel so much better after opening up to this man I swear it

He has def had to comfort someone close to him in this way before, maybe a sister or team mate

He's just too good to not have

But we all know his heart is just as big as his sword so its no surprise that he's like this

Has always been understanding when you're having a more difficult day, but now that he knows the cause of some of your actions is trauma, he knows just how to calm you down and ground you

100/10 marry this man or I will

Deidara:

Is stunned, tbh

Like he never fucking suspected

Feels like shit honestly, what kind of boyfriend is he that he couldn't even tell his lover was struggling with something so big?

Knows he shouldn't be making this conversation about himself, though, so he doesn't say any of that

His hand mouths kiss your palms to try to comfort you

Pulls you into a giant hug when you finish speaking and kisses your tears away

Oh shit but wait maybe you don't want to be touched right now? Thats a thing right?

Doesn't have any knowledge on this but he's trying ok

Is very open to any changes that come to your dynamics because of the new found news

Maybe a bit too open

Like completely stops initiating sex because he doesn't want you to feel pressured

And just all in all starts treating you like you're fragile

Its sweet, his heart is in the right place, but that isn't what you want of course

So you have to sit him down and tell him that you're still you, and he's still him, and that you don't want your relationship to change because of something that happened before you even met

That finally makes it click for him, and he goes back to his normal self pretty quickly

And he is always, always there if you want to talk about it. He may not understand, but he loves you and will do whatever he can to help you feel less alone

Sasori:

He done been knew

Well, he heavily suspected. I head canon him as an abuse survivor himself, and he recognized the signs

Knows how difficult it is to talk about, so he was just waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to bring it up

Lowkey relieved, because even though its horrible, having someone else who understands that particular brand of trauma is rare

Especially for him since he's never opened up to anyone else like he has you

But he's also fucking furious

We all know Sasori views people as possessions 

And even though he loves you more than anything else in the world, he still feels that way about you too, to a smaller extent, but its there

So the thought that someone did that to something of his?

Oh he mad

But he has enough wherewithal to not let you see that burning rage while you're upset and confiding in him

He listens attentively, and gives you as much comfort as he can until you calm down

Finds some way to weasel out the identity of your abuser without upsetting you(ya boi is manipulative af)

Later has one of his spies hunt the person down and capture them, and then sneaks off and takes his sweet time to make them regret ever even looking at you

Might tell you about his own abuse sometime in the future. Maybe. 

Kakazu:

Its not often that Kakazu feels the need to put effort into holding back his anger

But this is one of those times

Because he is livid

He has always taken extra joy in collecting the heads of child rapists for bounties

He may be immoral in regards to most things, but that is a line that should not be crossed

And to think about that happening to you makes him want to kill

Makes a vow to himself as soon as the words leave your lips, that he will find the scum that did this and destroy them. Slowly. Painfully.

But for now he listens, holding you hands with as much gentle care as he can muster 

Kakuzu is at a loss for how to handle delicate, emotional situations like this. But he tries, for you.

Wiping away your tears and holding you softly, allowing far more cuddles and gentle affection than he normally would that night 

He feels that acting different around you after would be an insult to your ability to handle a problem you've been dealing with for years

But he can't help but be a little easier on you, letting you get away with more back talk or general acts of affection than usual

He may even surprise you with a few small gifts

That necklace you were eyeing in the last town? That new album by that group you like that just dropped? A collectors edition of your favorite book? 

As much as he hates spending money, he just can't help himself

Afterall, the fact that you trusted him, him, with this information makes him feel a bit squishy inside

Hidan:

Another one for team "I'll fucking kill them!"

But much more upfront about it

Unlike Sasori and Kakuzu, he does not have the sense to not let his rage be know to you while you're telling him

But then he sees how you shrink, how you curl further into yourself, how you start crying that much harder

"Fuck, baby, I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you."

Once you calm down, you have to explain that him being angry and aggressive does not help when you're fighting off these memories

He feels like shit for upsetting you further

Go easy on him. You're the first person he's ever cared about. He's emotionally stunted but hes trying

Kind of just shuts up and let's you talk after that

Is lowkey amazed that you were hiding all these awful feelings this whole time

Is also lowkey amazed that you were able to function and seem so normal with them

Holds you close when you finish, and in the most serious, calm tone you've ever heard from him, promises that no one will ever hurt you like that again, and that he will make this person pay

They aren't worthy of being a sacrifice to Lord Jashin.

But you best believe Hidan will make them suffer 

Konan:

Sad girl is sad

Also not surprised, she knows how common it is for these things to happen

She's dealt with sexual harassment hersef

But her heart aches for you

Holds you tight, letting you cry into her shoulder and cling to her as much as you want

Soothingly stroking your back or arm or petting your hair as you let it all out

She can relate to many of the feelings you share

Is literally the only one who thinks to ask if you have any triggers

Not quite as supportive as Kisame, but still validates your feelings

"Its ok to be angry."

"You've been so strong."

"Be gentle with yourself."

Doesn’t let it affect your relationship 

But she is more understanding if you get in a mood

If you're being especially irritable or pushing her away, she may ask, "are you ok?" and give you a look

Its frustrating but also helps ground you

10/10 wifey I love her

Nagato/Pain:

Poor baby is devastated 

Also concerned

You've been hiding this pain from him all this time… why?

Do you not trust him?

Do you not think he could handle knowing?

All he wants is to take your heart ache from you, even if it means it becomes his

Lovers should share everything, including pain

And so you tell him, though teary eyes, that no, no, of course not, that's not it

Its just that every time you wanted to tell him, you just…  couldn't

How the trauma would cause your body to physically prevent you from speaking about it, even when you wanted to

You both end up crying 

He wants to know everything about how it affects you, physically, emotionally, all of it

The more he knows, the more he can do to help

Lowkey might have Konan pick him up a book or two on the subject, just to get a better understanding 

You already know he’s gonna obliterate the person who did this to you

Obito:

This man i swear

He's worse than Deidara

Finding out something so terrible happened to you, seeing how deeply its hurt you, has him crying right along with you

Feels helpless that he can't make it better

"I should have been there to protect you."

"Obito, we didn't even know each other."

"That's irrelevant."

Is super comforting though, kisses your fingers and plays with your hair and tells you how much he loves you

Very eager to do anything in his power to make you smile

"Is there anything I can get you, baby? Do you want a glass of water? Tea? Sake? How about some ice cream? A foot massage? New kunai? A private island? Want me to kill all the world leaders tomorrow?"

He's excessive but its cute and makes you laugh

Is the only one considerate enough to actually ask if you're OK with him killing your abuser

If you say yes, he'll also ask if you want to watch

There won't be anything left of the person after Obito is done with them. No blood. Not a scorch mark. Not even a stray skin cell. Nothing. He completely erases them from existence.

If you say no though, he's probably still gonna do it anyway, but make it look like an accident. He just can't let that person live after what they did to you. 

But hey, at least he asked first right?

[particularemu]

Insanity | A Hwang Hyunjin Series | Part 3

Part: [Prologue] [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Epilogue]

Word Count: 5265

Type: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: mentions murder, suicide, self-harm, drugs, being drugged, weapons (kinda), depression, anxiety, manic episodes, 

Tag List: @alightiny​

Author’s Note: Shit is about to hit the fan!!! Stay tuned fam :3 

As usual, if y’all want to be added to the tag list, please shoot me a message 💖

“What are you two doing?” 

Your head snapped to the door, shoulders relaxing instantly when you saw Chan’s smiling face. His dimples popped out, making you smile as you greeted the brunette. “Hey, Chan.” 

“You look like you’re having fun.” Chan kneeled next to you and Hyunjin, offering his hand to the boy. Hyunjin shook Chan’s hand, smiling when he introduced himself. “I’m the one who takes over the night-shift.” The man chuckled. “Dr. Bang, but I hate the way that sounds so please call me Chan.” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but snicker at the older boy as he stood up. “Nice to meet you, Dr. Bang. How many jokes did you hear your first week?” 

“Please. I’m still hearing them.” Chan laughed. “Well, if you’re ready to head home, go ahead. I’ll take over. If you want to stay, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind your company.” 

Hyunjin paused, wondering what he should do. The next hour or two could be a HUGE opportunity to bond with you. If he could build a solid foundation of trust, Hyunjin might be able to dig into that brain of yours and figure out why you’re suffering from retrograde amnesia. It was clear that he gained your trust over the past hour. He was having fun chatting with you about this and that — and well… hearing you compliment him wasn’t half bad either. 

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about Chan. The man seemed trustworthy, but so did Dr. Henry when Hyunjin first met the man. Who’s to say that Chan isn’t going to get upset and beat you down? He was quite muscular. You wouldn’t stand a chance against him. Despite Hyunjin’s concern, he could see you trusted Chan, and in the end, that’s all that mattered. 

Pure exhaustion took over and Hyunjin decided that yes… yes he did need to go back to the dorms and get some sleep. After all the fucked up things he’s seen today, he just wanted to plop in bed and sleep for a good twelve hours. “I think I’ll head home.” Hyunjin sighed and leaned forward, whispering in Chan’s ear while you were making your bed. “She witnessed a suicide today, so watch out for nightmares.” 

Chan chuckled a bit. “You must care about her a lot.” 

“Hmm?” Hyunjin cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Of course I care about her. She’s my patient.” 

“Mhm.” Chan looked unconvinced. “Sure.” He wiggled his eyebrows up and down, making the younger boy flush bright red. 

“Not what you think.” Hyunjin rubbed his cheeks to disguise the redness. “I’m going home. Goodnight.” Hyunjin turned to you and smiled brightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” 

You smiled and waved at Hyunjin. “Thank you. For everything.” 

Hyunjin kneeled down to your level and ruffled your hair. “We’ll figure this out. I know we will. Sleep well.” Hyunjin stood up and headed out the door, smiling when he saw you wave goodbye. 

As soon as the door closed behind him, Hyunjin smacked his cheeks a couple times, wincing at the sting. “I gotta get my shit together.” Hyunjin leaned his head back against the wall, shaking his head to rid himself of the images of blood, death, and deceit. The boy slowly sunk down the wall, threading his fingers in his hair as he tried to pull himself together. 

He couldn’t cry. Not here. Not now. 

The institution reminded him of something from a horror movie — one of the ones where everyone dies in the end. Hyunjin couldn’t help but curse himself for taking this job. During his first day, he’s dealt with an abusive doctor, creepy caretakers, an asshole boss, and he witnessed a man slice his own throat open with a shard of glass. 

And then there was you… 

You were like a bright ray of sunshine cutting through the cracks beneath the rubble of this institution. Behind all that anxiety — all that panic — was just a girl who was terrified of what lurked behind the walls. Hyunjin vowed to help you get out of Rosewood, and he was planning to follow through. 

Hyunjin sighed and stood up, hoping no one saw him have a small meltdown. The amount of tension he was carrying in his shoulders was borderline painful. Hyunjin stretched his arms, hoping to ease the ache as he left the institution, pausing to wave at the kind-looking receptionist. 

Hyunjin took a deep breath, eyes scanning the landscape around the institution. Perhaps he should start taking night walks? Rosewood looked even more beautiful at night. The rolling hills looked as though they jumped right out of a painting, the lush green grass illuminated by the moonlight. As he walked to the staff building with his hands in his pockets, he couldn’t help but think about you once more. 

From what he’s heard over the past few hours, you were a horrible patient who constantly had anxiety attacks, meltdowns, and violent episodes. Many people told him you were on the brink of insanity. Based on your actions today, Hyunjin couldn’t see you putting up a fight with anyone. If you were, you probably had a good reason to. Hyunjin couldn’t shake the memories of Dr. Henry throwing you across the room. Your body would be clad with bruises in the morning. Too bad Dr. Douglas wouldn’t listen. 

Hyunjin pushed on the door to the staff building, pausing when he spotted Minho slumped over by his room, head held in his hands. What’s he doing here? Minho looked defeated. Hyunjin could practically see the memories playing over and over again in the older boy’s head — a shitty slideshow telling him how he fucked up a man’s second chance at life. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin gently rested his hand on the older boy’s shoulder, noticing the way Minho relaxed under his touch. When was the last time this man had someone on his side? “Why don’t you come in?” Hyunjin smiled sadly at Minho when he raised his head, dead eyes meeting Hyunjin’s lively brown orbs. Minho nodded and pushed his tired body off the ground, smiling ever-so-slightly as Hyunjin helped him stand. 

“Sorry.” Minho’s voice was so quiet, Hyunjin wondered if he was hearing things correctly. His shoes scuffed against the floor as Minho trudged over to Hyunjin’s freshly made bed. “Today…” Minho paused, wracking his brain for the right words. “Can I…” He trailed off once more. 

“Of course.” Hyunjin didn’t need to hear the rest of the sentence to know what Minho was going to ask. He couldn’t forget the look on Minho’s face — eyes full of grief as the needle fell from his hands. Minho lost the patient he’s been taking care of for three years. It had to be tough. 

Besides… Hyunjin would rather Minho stay the night. He could use the company.

Minho plopped on Hyunjin’s bed, messing up the sheets as he scooted up to the headboard, hugging his knees to his chest. Brunette locks fell down his face, masking his glassy eyes. 

Hyunjin felt for the older boy. He’s never witnessed a suicide before. Hyunjin couldn’t imagine watching you commit suicide — and he’s only known you a day. 

“I met with Dr. Douglas.” Minho’s voice was small, voice barely above a whisper. 

“You’re not in trouble right?” Hyunjin frowned. “You tried your best to stop him.” 

“No…” Minho sighed. “They’re removing anything breakable from the patient’s rooms in the morning.” 

“That makes sense.” Hyunjin leaned against the dresser, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’ll prevent any more suicides.” 

“No, it won’t.” Minho scoffed, an empty chuckle slipping past his lips. “You don’t know what people will do to end their lives.” 

“How can they…” Hyunjin trailed off, unsure if he wanted to know. 

“I’ve seen a man run headfirst into the wall until he knocked himself out.” Minho clenched his eyes shut. “I’ve also seen someone stab themselves in the eye with a needle because they thought it would be long enough to kill them.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes widened. “Are they still alive?”

“No.” Minho took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions. “They always find a way, Hyunjin.” Minho shook his head. “Anyways, your girl has a glass music box from her mother. It’ll crush her when they confiscate it.” 

“What?” Hyunjin sat down next to Minho. “I thought she didn’t remember anything from her past. How does she know it’s from her mother?” 

“She doesn’t,” Minho mumbled. “Her mother knew she was here before…” Minho trailed off. 

“Knew?” Hyunjin’s heart dropped. “Oh no…” 

“Her mother died three months ago when I took over her care.” Minho chuckled. “That glass music box is her inheritance.” 

“She doesn’t know?” Hyunjin couldn’t blame Minho for keeping it from you. Telling you heartbreaking information like that when you’re recovering could set you back. The last thing the doctors wanted was another patient losing their mind. 

“She wasn’t doing well.” Minho sighed. “At all. I thought telling her would make things worse.” The poor boy felt horrible for keeping this from you for so long, but he didn’t know if you would have a breakdown. “She was constantly in and out of solitary confinement, she was having multiple electroconvulsive therapy sessions a day, and she was trying to attack me with a lamp every time I walked into her room.” 

What? Multiple electroconvulsive therapy sessions in one day? That’s complete bullshit! Hyunjin’s mouth dropped open as he tried to process the information given to him. You were suffering from retrograde amnesia. This confirms his theory that the electroconvulsive therapy sessions were making your memory loss worse. Minho’s deep sigh shook Hyunjin out of his thoughts. 

“Hey.” Hyunjin rested his hand on Minho’s shoulder. “You made the right call. Do you know about her father?” Hyunjin figured that changing the subject would help. 

“We have no idea. We’ve never heard of a father, so we figured she grew up in a single-parent household.” Minho took a deep breath. “She’s about to lose the only thing that reminds her of her family. She’s going to be crushed.”

Hyunjin thought about it for a second. He was right. You had one little music box to remember your mother by. There’s no way in hell he was going to let you lose it. “Not if I have anything to do with it.” Hyunjin reached into the dresser and threw on a hoodie, rushing out the door before Minho could do anything about it. 

“Dumbass.” Minho chuckled and laid under the covers, drifting off almost instantly. 

Hyunjin rushed over to the institution and headed straight for your room. As soon as he opened the door, he could see the beautiful glass music box resting on the windowsill. The glass sparkled in the moonlight. He could see why you were so attached to it. The colorful glass was a nice contrast — compared to the dark, prison-like room you were forced to live in. The patients weren’t allowed to have pictures on the wall, the room was painted white, and the pitch-black sky didn’t help the eerie-looking room. No wonder you were depressed. 

Little did Hyunjin know, eyes were watching his every move as he opened the door. 

Hyunjin smiled when Chan waved at him from the desk in the corner of the room. “Forget something?”

Wait… Could he trust Chan? Despite his encounter with the older boy an hour ago, Hyunjin couldn’t shake that feeling of paranoia. Hyunjin knew he was being unreasonable, but he really only trusted Minho. Minho was the one who warned him about this place. Chan? Chan was continuing his work as if nothing was out of place at the institution. Hyunjin didn’t know if he should trust someone like that. 

“Dr. Douglas needs you quick!” Hyunjin gestured to the door. “It sounds like an emergency!” 

“Oh damn. Okay!” Chan closed his laptop and rushed out the door, pausing to say “Thanks!”

Great! Now that he’s gone, Hyunjin could grab the music box without you knowing. Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile as he saw your sleeping face. You looked unbothered by the world — as if you hadn’t been living in a horrible institution for the past few months. 

Hyunjin reached out to the music box on the window sill, eyes sparkling as the colors shimmered in the moonlight. 

“Why are you taking my music box?” Your small voice made Hyunjin’s heart drop. “That’s all I have.” 

Hyunjin’s heart completely shattered when he looked over, noticing the pure betrayal in your glassy eyes. He worked so hard to build trust with you over the past 12 hours, he couldn’t lose it now. “Oh, I wasn’t.” Hyunjin smiled brightly. “I just thought it was pretty.” Hyunjin sat at the edge of your bed, brushing some hair behind your ear as you yawned. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to touch it. I just wanted to hear the song.” 

“It’s fine.” You mumbled and rubbed your eyes. “You can open it.” 

Hyunjin reached over, grabbing the music box off the windowsill, holding the fragile box in his hands. He gently opened the lid, closing his eyes to listen to the beautiful melody that began to play. Hyunjin felt your head drop onto his shoulder, sending his heart into a frenzy as he leaned his head onto yours. 

“My mother gave this to me.” You smiled as you looked up at Hyunjin, noticing how beautiful his milky skin looked in the moonlight. 

“Yeah?” Hyunjin smiled. “Your mother has good taste.” 

“She used to sing this song to me when I was a kid.” Your face fell. “She hasn’t come to visit me yet.” Hyunjin’s heart broke when your eyes started to glassy. “She sent me letters saying she’ll come. Why hasn’t she come Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin’s face paled as he said, “I don’t know sweetheart. She’s probably sick. The institution won’t let sick people in the building because they don’t want any of the patients to get sick.” 

Did you buy it?

“Oh that makes sense.” You smiled at Hyunjin. “I can’t wait for you to meet her. She’s a wonderful person.” 

Cute...

Wait, what?

Hyunjin’s eyes widened when he realized what just happened. Okay, so he thought you were cute. That’s not a bad thing, right? It’s not like he wanted to take you out to the gardens for a picnic and oh my god that’s exactly what he wants to do. 

Hyunjin’s cheeks flushed. He was doing it again. He was falling way too hard way too fast for someone he barely knows. 

“I came to check up on you after today. Are you doing okay?” Hyunjin chose to ignore his feelings and change the subject before he ends up telling you how he feels. 

“I guess.” Despite being really tired, you were still happy to see the ebony-haired boy. “I’m tired though.” 

“That’s fine.” Hyunjin smiled. “Go ahead and go back to sleep. I’m going to head home.” 

“Be safe.” You laid back down in bed, almost instantly falling asleep. 

As he left the room, Hyunjin couldn’t shake the disappointed look in your eyes. He missed his opportunity to take the music box, despite the damn thing being right in his hands. Hyunjin felt like he couldn’t take it now. You’d never trust him again. Who knows what would happen if he told you about the new rule in the institution? Hyunjin was convinced that you wouldn’t believe him. It is the first day after all. 

“Hyunjin!”

Oh, Christ what now?

Hyunjin sighed as he turned around, spotting Dr. Douglas in front of him. “Hello, sir.” As much as he wanted to throw a fit and call him names, Hyunjin knew he had to play nice for now. 

“Minho informed me about the incident in room 304.” Dr. Douglas frowned. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I appreciate what you did in there.” 

“No worries.” Hyunjin smiled. “I didn’t do much. It was all Minho.”

Dr. Douglas smiled nervously, hand rubbing the back of his neck as he said, “Look, son —” 

“I’m not your son.” Hyunjin’s eyes hardened as he waited for the older man to continue. 

Dr. Douglas sighed, arms crossing over his chest in frustration. “I’m trying to be friends here.” 

“Pardon my confusion, but I’ve never worked in a place with a friendly boss.” Hyunjin smiled an innocent look in his eyes — almost enough to fool the man in front of him. 

“You don’t have to like me, but you have to do your job.” Dr. Douglass glared. 

“I plan to.” 

Dr. Douglas rolled his eyes. “Did Miss _____ get her medicine today?”

Hyunjin’s heart dropped in his stomach. “Of course.” 

A long, unnerving silence followed — one that made Hyunjin’s blood run cold. Did he know? If Dr. Douglas found out about Hyunjin hiding the pills, he’d surely lose his job. Getting fired the first day on the job wouldn’t look good for his resume. 

“And how was she?” Dr. Douglas stared at him. 

Hyunjin swallowed the lump in his throat, forcing the sentence out of his throat. “She was fine. A little nervous, but that’s to be expected.” 

Dr. Douglas seemed to accept this explanation. “See? All her medications are working for her. There’s nothing to worry about.”  

“Of course sir.” Hyunjin smiled. “I apologize for my behavior earlier. I just wasn’t aware of Peroproxin, and I realize that Dr. Henry was merely doing his job.” 

“That’s quite alright son.” 

Hyunjin’s eye twitched at his designated nickname. “I have a quick question.” 

“Of course son.” Dr. Douglas smiled. 

“Not your son — umm. Could I look at the ingredients that are used in Peroproxin? I’m just curious because I’ve never heard of that medication. I’m curious to see what it contains.” Hyunjin figured he’d play dumb. Maybe he could get his hands on one of the bottles and see what’s actually in the medication? 

“Sorry, Hyunjin. It’s late and I’m headed home.” Dr. Douglas sighed. “I’m glad we hired you. You seem to be doing a great job.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Hyunjin yawned dramatically. “I’m pretty beat. I’ll head home too.” 

“Goodnight son.” 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes after Dr. Douglas walked off. That asshole was just trying to piss him off. After sighing like a passive-aggressive child, Hyunjin made his way to the lobby, pausing when he passed by your door. 

Maybe Chan could help him out? 

Even though he didn’t quite trust the man yet, Chan was his last chance. If Hyunjin had to sacrifice his career to help you, so be it. Hyunjin slowly opened the door and smiled at Chan. 

“Everything okay?” Chan turned towards Hyunjin, brows creasing when he saw the boy’s shoulders slump. “Because I recall being told I was needed in Dr. Douglas’s office, and he wasn’t there.” The older boy raised an eyebrow at Hyunjin. “If you needed a moment alone with your girlfriend, all you had to do was ask.” 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Hyunjin crossed his arms over his chest. “I just…” 

“Don’t worry.” Chan chuckled. “You don’t have to explain. I understand how hard it is to trust people in this place.” He smiled. “So, what can I help you with?”

Hyunjin strolled over to Chan, leaning down to whisper in his ear. “I need to get my hands on a bottle of Peroproxin.”  

“Hyunjin I can’t help you with that.” Chan sighed. “We’re doctors, not pharmacists.” 

“Yes, but we have the ability to prescribe. We should be allowed to look at the medication we’re prescribing these patients.” Hyunjin was frustrated. This didn’t make any sense. 

“We’re not allowed to change prescriptions in this institution. Dr. Douglas handles all of that.” Chan’s brows creased.

“But —” 

“Hyunjin. Let it go.” Chan’s stern voice startled the boy. “There are eyes and ears everywhere. You need to be careful.” 

What?

“I know this looks like I’m just being a brat, but I need this Chan.” Hyunjin’s eyes glassed over. “I need to figure this out for her. I can’t just watch her suffer.” 

Chan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Down the hall, to the left. There’s a big ass room filled with bottles of pills. Peroproxin is on the second shelf from the top — you’ll be able to reach it.” He paused. “Look for bottle 258B. That’s what she’s prescribed. If you’re caught and my name gets dragged into this, I’m going to find you and kick your ass.” Chan looked up at Hyunjin and chuckled. “Rosewood Psychiatric Institution will be the least of your worries.” 

“Thank you!” Hyunjin hugged the man, catching Chan off guard. He just threatened Hyunjin, and now the boy is hugging him? Well, worst things could happen. 

“Hurry up before the guards start to take their rounds seriously.” Chan shooed Hyunjin off, hoping the boy wouldn’t be seen. 

Hyunjin rushed off to the medicine, smiling when he spotted the big ass room Chan described. That’s it! Now all he has to do is —

“What are you doing up sir?”

Hyunjin spun around, head spinning as he met face to face with Dr. Henry. “Please, just call me Hyunjin.” Hyunjin smiled. “I was looking for the bathroom on this floor and I got lost.” Hyunjin chuckled. “Can you please tell me where it is?”

“I was told your shift ended two hours ago.” Dr. Henry smirked. “Why are you here still?”

Hyunjin paled. How was he going to talk his way out of this one?

“I asked him here.” A short man stepped out from the shadows. “I just wanted to confirm what he saw in room 304.” 

Dr. Henry frowned. “Alright then. I assume Changbin can help you with your little…” Dr. Henry leaned forward, breath ghosting near Hyunjin’s ear. “Problem.” The man chuckled darkly before walking away. 

“Okay, that gave me the jeebies.” Hyunjin shivered, wiping his ear with his hand. 

“I don’t blame you.” The short man — Changbin chuckled. 

“Thanks for saving my ass.” Hyunjin smiled. 

“Don’t mention it.” Changbin smiled. “I’m a friend of Minho’s. He’s told me a lot about you.” 

“Wow…” Hyunjin laughed. “Day one and I’m already making a name for myself.” 

“You aren’t like other caretakers.” He chuckled. “What are you after?”

“Medicine,” Hyunjin replied. “I’m looking for Peroproxin.” 

“I can’t help you there.” Changbin chuckled. “I’m the head of security, so I typically handle crazy patients.” 

“So you’re the one who makes sure they get beat into submission?” Hyunjin scanned the various shelves in the medicine room, spotting the bottle he was after. 

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about?” Hyunjin’s chest tightened when he saw the genuine confusion on Changbin’s face. “I don’t beat anyone. I’m just the muscle that kicks unruly visitors out of the institution.” 

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin apologized. “I’ve seen some disturbing things over the past 12 hours and I’m starting to get paranoid.” 

“That isn’t a bad thing.” Changbin sighed. “You have your medicine. Now get out of here so I can erase the footage of you stealing.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes widened at Changbin’s words. “Thank you.” He paused, resting his hand on Changbin’s shoulder. “Seriously… Thank you.” 

“Yeah yeah.” Changbin sighed. “Get out of here.” Hyunjin thanked him once more before darting out of the institution — heading back to his dorm room. 

The ebony-haired man yawned as he opened the door to his room, smiling softly when he spotted Minho passed out in his bed. At least the boy was able to get some sleep. Hyunijn brushed some bangs out of Minho’s eyes, noticing the way the boy’s nose scrunched in his sleep. 

Hyunjin has always had a nurturing touch. He’s been taking care of his mother since he was a young boy. His mother suffered from a few different mental disorders, and after his father committed suicide, she completely stopped taking care of herself. So at five years old Hyunjin started taking care of his mother. He cooked her meals, made sure she took her medicine, and he kept her company until she was well enough to take care of herself. 

This stuck with him over the years. Hyunjin always wanted to please — to make sure that people were taken care of. 

Unfortunately, much like his mother, his emotions were like glass. Hyunjin always fell too deep too fast when it came to love. After a few bad breakups, he decided that romance just wasn’t in the cards for him. 

Well… That was until he met you. 

Seeing someone with such a pure heart being mistreated, hit something deep within him. He couldn’t help but admire your courage. Every day you woke up, putting your trust in these corrupt doctors, in hopes that your memories will return. 

Speaking of missing memories…

Hyunjin pulled out the bottle of Peroproxin — spying the list of ingredients in the back. What on earth were those? Hyunjin gasped when he realized that he had no idea what any of these ingredients were. How could a doctor prescribe a drug like this to his patients without knowing what’s in it? 

Hyunjin pulled out his laptop, opening the browser and searching the ingredients one by one. Nothing popped up. Hyunjin sighed and rubbed his eyes. His vision started to blur as exhaustion took over, knocking the boy out cold on the floor. 

--------

“Wake up sleeping beauty.” Hyunjin smiled at you as you slowly sat up from the bed. 

“What time is it?” You mumbled, rubbing your eyes. 

“Time to get up.” He chuckled and sat next to you on the bed. “I’m just popping in to ask you a question.” 

Hyunjin flipped shifts with Chan every-so-often. He must be working the night shift today. 

Over the past few weeks, you and Hyunjin were like two peas in a pod. After your music box was taken, you had a few meltdowns, but Hyunjin was able to help you through all of them. He always took care of you — no matter how bad things got. 

“Here’s your dose of Prozac.” Hyunjin handed you a pill and you took it, washing the pill down with some water. 

“Are you allowed to do this?” You loved taking this medication, but you were worried about Hyunjin. The last thing you wanted was to see Hyunjin lose his job because of you. The boy worked so hard to become a doctor. One bad experience could wreck his chances at getting another job. 

“No, not at all.” Hyunjin chuckled. “Minho handles a lot of the medication these days, so he’s been adjusting the count for me.” He smiled at you. “Minho hates this place as much as we do. Don’t worry.” 

“Thank you.” You held Hyunjin’s hand, making the boy’s cheeks flush a bit. “I appreciate all you do for me.” 

“I’d do it for anyone,” Hyunjin replied. 

Oh…

Well, that hurts a little. 

“Well, thanks anyways.” You visibly sulked, but Hyunjin didn’t notice. “What did you want to ask me?”

“Oh yeah!” Hyunjin beamed. “Chocolate or vanilla?”

“What?” You tilted your head in confusion. 

Cute… 

“What’s your favorite?” Hyunjin smiled brightly. “It’s your birthday tomorrow and I have a surprise for you.” 

“Chocolate I guess.” You smiled. “You don’t have to do anything.” 

“I want to. You have a special place in my heart.” 

Oh my god there it was. 

You couldn’t stop the blush spreading on your cheeks as you grinned. That means he likes you right? Well, like as a friend but what if… What if he liked you as more than a friend?

“All of my patients have a special place in my heart.” Hyunjin smiled. 

You couldn’t help but sigh. Or perhaps you’re just another patient to him… 

“Hey, I have to go get something to eat, but I’ll see you in an hour for my shift!” Hyunjin quickly left the room, leaving you excited for his shift, yet confused about your feelings for the boy. 

You trusted him. 

You trusted him with your life but… that wasn’t the main reason you loved him. It wasn’t because of his beauty — nor was it because of his kindness. You were entranced by his every move. Every word that left his lips was interesting to you. You loved everything about him. 

But clearly, he didn’t see you as anything other than a patient — which is to be expected from a guy who has lived his life with his nose in a book. 

You couldn’t help but sigh, boredom taking over as you tried to figure out what you should do. Hyunjin gave you a book to read a few weeks ago. You should probably finish that so you could stay up tonight and chat with him about the book. You pulled the worn-out book from your shelf and started to read. 

Chan left earlier to help Minho with something important, and you told him you’d be fine until Hyunjin came in for his night shift. You weren’t used to being on your own, and you missed the company. Hyunjin always chatted with you about many different things. You told him stories you’ve never shared with anyone before… at least you think. Your memory wasn’t the best. 

Footsteps tore your attention from the pages. Did Hyunjin forget something? Chan said he’d be gone the rest of the night, so you didn’t think that he’d be back so soon. You turned around to see a new face — someone you weren’t familiar with. He was in a uniform, so you figured he must work at Rosewood. “Where’s Chan?”

“Chan told me to look after you until your other doctor comes.” The man answered, eyes avoiding your gaze as he scanned the room. 

What was he looking for?

The energy in the room completely shifted. Instead of being calm, you felt nervous and afraid. You wanted Hyunjin back. You were scared. If Chan actually sent this man, wouldn’t he know that your other doctor was Hyunjin? Did this man actually work here?

The man lunged for you, catching you off guard as you fell out of the chair. A sharp pain in the side of your neck made you cry out in pain, hand smacking at the man as the tip of the needle pierced your skin. What was he giving you? Was he sedating you? You didn’t do anything wrong?

“Hyunjin!” You cried out, but your voice sounded off. The room went blurry as you slumped to the ground, unable to support your body with your weak arms. 

Another man walked into the room as you tried to lift yourself up. You were too dizzy to do anything other than sit up on the floor, but you were kicked down as soon as you saw a large body dropped beside you. You tried to scream, but you couldn’t. It was as if you were paralyzed. One of the men positioned your body so you were laying right next to the dead body. You could see red seep onto the floor as the man from earlier stabbed it multiple times with something. The pieces clicked together all at once. He was trying to frame you for murder. 

Where was Hyunjin?

The man left the room, leaving you scared and shaking on the floor. Your consciousness cut in and out for a while. You could feel the blood reach your fingertips, staining the skin red. You couldn’t remember much of what happened, but you remembered one thing when you regained consciousness. 

Your heart shattered when your eyes met Hyunjin’s — fear evident in his big brown eyes. 

“What did you do?”

[xiubaek-13]

Case File 99

Prompt: You meet Minseok in a bar and swear that you know him from SOMEWHERE but have no idea where, but now you have to do something about it

Pairing: Minseok x Reader

A/N:  This was for a one shot challenge done on tumblr with friends but I’m leaving it open to further one shots in the future. If you like this AU please let me know who and what you want to see and I will make a small list to work on. There are 3 pieces of dialogue in here that are not mine. I have borrowed them from Scott Lynch and his amazing Gentlemen’s Bastards series. I recently reread the 3 books and couldn’t word the dialogue in these 3 spots any better

Rain pelted the windows of your corner office, only adding to the dreary day you were having. You said corner office but you could hardly call it that. It’s not like you worked in some big office building for a massive corporation. No, you worked out of a rundown apartment in the shadier part of town. Still, it had a big glass window that wrapped around the corner of the building and rain was pelting against it. The only people that ever sought you out were in desperate need of your skills. Photographic memory, ability to sneak or talk your way into almost anywhere (except for that one demon club downtown), an unhealthy amount of supernatural knowledge and a general fuck it attitude were among some of your more specific skills that seemed to bring in the clients. If a person went missing and couldn’t be found, you got a call. If one of the supernatural got a little too public with its existence, you got a call. If something was just plain weird, you got a call.

After one too many run ins with the law, and one extremely close call, Detective Markham had worked out exactly what you had been doing every time they found traces of you at a crime scene. Since that day you’d been given a small amount of trust to sort out the less human problems in the city and once you’d been given the freedom to emerge from the shadows without fear of being arrested and thrown in a psychiatric ward, you’d realised just how fucked up your city was.

It would actually be fair to say that humans thought they controlled a lot more of their city than they actually did. You had worked out that the city was divided into 6 very uneven sections. The largest parts went to the vampires, the demons and the fae, then the werewolves, other beings and lastly the humans. The humans bled into all the sectors, unbeknownst to them the danger they put themselves in or the nature of those they worked for. They had no idea that the coexisted with non humans and you couldn't help but laugh at how enterprising the supernatural were. Minhyuk the incubus ran the local sex shop (and business was booming), Heechul the changeling and his mix bag of supes ran one of the malls and Hyojong the ghoul was the local mortician to name a few.

You worked right near the border of the demons territory which meant the streets were always littered with addicts, working women…sometimes men, the odd counsellor trying to help, and travellers for hire. The travellers were chameleons in this city. They could change at will to blend in to the sector they wandered in to so if you needed someone to scout an area or find names for you, you sought out a traveller. They were an information only service though. If you actually wanted to get anything done you either had to do it yourself or pay through the teeth to get it.

In these quiet periods you occasionally wished for the ignorance you once had when you would never have believed in anything other than humans. But, life was rough growing up and you had seen some shit that defied explanation. Then when a friend of yours went missing at the ripe age of 16, a traveller sat you down and explained everything to you. At first you called him crazy but he dragged you all over the city and pointed out the things that were ‘other’ about the residents. Things you ignored if you weren’t looking. Like how some of the ‘people’ moved too fast, how all of their eyes changed, the differences in emotions, how they held themselves, their walks, the agelessness and the sheer cunning in all of them. It had shaken your world view and altered it for the rest of your days.

Sure the humans had their fair share of bad eggs but after seeing the supernatural for the first time you started to notice all of the ways people were manipulated for them. The vampires dealt mainly in brothels and hospitals. It was a good cover for bruised glassy eyed people and blood supplies as well as a good means of disposing of bodies. The demons dealt in contracts, so their sector had the lawyers, the high rollers and gamblers. The werewolves dealt in drugs and weapons since it allowed them to give in to the carnage they desired. The fae were the smugglers. They were who you looked to if a person just disappeared. The vamps at least had the decency to take adults and toss them back after they were done. The fae took children. they took anyone who might interest them for a few hours. Then you never saw them again.  

They were the jobs you hated the most. You knew you’d hardly ever find the people you were looking for, and from the few encounters with the high fae over the years, any conversations you had with the fae required all of your wits. They were more cunning than the demons with how they could talk you round in circles without ever helping you. Entering their territory had its own set of dangers and it was ultimately never worth your time.

A sharp knock at the door broke your reverie. You spun in your chair and waited. Like hell you were getting up, the last three times someone had knocked it was for deliveries to the wrong apartment, salespeople or charity. So this time you decided to wait in your chair and see if they came in. They knocked a second time and still you waited. If whoever was on the other side of that door was seeking you out and they’d ventured through the city to your apartment block, through the gang territories, drug addicts and drunkards, then they weren’t leaving until they saw you.  The handle turned and the door opened slowly, creaking loudly. You’d fix it but it was a good makeshift security system. No one came in through the door without you knowing about it.

“Hello?” A voice broke the silence. “Um, is anyone here?”

“If you aren’t here to try and sell me a product, a religion or a donation then come in. Otherwise fuck off.”

A young woman entered the apartment, closing the door behind her. If you had to guess you’d say she came from uptown, the section controlled by the demons, she looked too put together to be from any other area of town. Her eyes were wary but determined as she approached your desk. “Det. Markham gave me this address. Said you might be able to help me.” She took a seat opposite you and waited.

“I might be able to. It’ll cost you but I’m sure Markham told you that already.” The woman nodded. “Alright, what seems to be the problem?” You leant back in your chair. If Markham had sent her then it was probably an actual case, now you just had to determine if it was worth the risk.

“My sister went missing a week ago. She’s a nursing student and had been having night classes at the hospital. We live in uptown so she had a bit of a journey home each night. She’d always let me know when she was leaving and how she was getting home. That night I got a text saying she was catching the 2.45am bus but she never turned up. I reported her missing and the cops looked for any trace of her for the past week but came up with nothing. Markham gave me your card and told me you might be able to find something they missed. Please help me, my sister is all I’ve got and someone took her from me.” As she spoke, the desperation and loss ebbed into her voice. She was genuinely upset about her sister. You were going to have to call Markham to make sure there weren’t any details you should know about this case but it sounded like the vampires were involved. Your guess was she’d either been attacked or turned. It could also be the fae but you were hoping that since she went missing in vamp territory that the fae weren't involved.

“I’ll have a look into it and see if I can find anything for you. It’s a $200 upfront fee for services and then more as the investigation progresses based off the risk involved. I should know by tomorrow if there is anything to go off but I’ll get you to give me all the information about your sisters movements that week that you have.” The woman nodded and pulled out a binder and handed it to you.

“That has basic info on Juliet, that’s her name by the way, her hobbies, class schedule, travel routes, what she wore that week and more. Anything you need should be in there.” She handed you a wad of money and turned to leave.

“I assume that there is a number to contact you on in here too?” She nodded. “Alright, leave it with me. I’ll do what I can.”

“So what you’re telling me is that you found nothing?”

“Yes. It was weird, if I didn’t know better I’d say someone was trying to make it look like she never existed. When we first looked she still had insurance and bank accounts and a mailing address. Now all of that is gone. Medical history, gone. That’s why I gave her sister your card.” Markham’s voice crackled through the receiver as you leafed through the binder you’d been left.

“I’m guessing vamps. It’s their territory and they have a tendency to delete records when they need to.”

“And if it was them?”

You sighed. “Then Juliet is either dead, a plaything or a baby vamp. I can only get her back if she’s the second option but that won’t be pleasant.”

---

The club was in full swing by the time you arrived. The music hit you, the dirty bass jerking your pulse to its beat. You wove through the throng of bodies writhing on the dance floor, seeking out one person. You scanned the bar and the booths tucked in the far corner of the club. Out of the light and obstructed by shadows, you spotted him. The lime green hair was a dead giveaway, pun intended. You observed from a distance, taking in his features. His skin was unmarred, save for the tattoos you could spot on any of his exposed skin. He looked up and stared straight at you before pointing a finger at you and beckoning you over. His brows were significantly darker than his hair and his eyes, dark and mesmerising.

You’d heard a lot about the head of the vamp clan, Kwon Jiyong, but you had never spoken to him before. Tonight was a first. You’d requested a sit down with one of the clans higher ups but you had expected your usual contact, Seungri. You approached the booth and tried to get a feel for the leader of the vamps. You had questions and no plans to overstep your boundaries while you were in their territory.

You took a seat opposite him. He leant back and settled into a more comfortable position in the booth, never breaking eye contact. All vampires had a special quality to their eyes but his were enthralling.  He smirked and you got a hint of the mischievous side you’d been warned about.

“Thanks for meeting me. I have to say I honestly didn’t expect you to turn up. Usually it’s Seungri.”

“He was otherwise engaged tonight. You requested a meeting with someone high up so I figured since I was free why not send you the highest up in my clan.”

“I won’t beat around the bush. This isn’t a social call after all. Since we haven’t met before I’ll introduce myself. I’m a P.I. I’ve been hired by someone who is trying to find her sister.”

"Does this P.I. have a name?"

"You can call me Sophrosyne. Syn for short." you replied.

He chuckled, giving you and indignant look. "Greek gods? Really now."

"Names are currency in these parts. This is the name I go by. My true name is not up for discussion." He raised his hands, not in surrender but more as a show that he was willing to move on.

His gaze lingered on you. Vampires were unsettling in that they stared. A lot. “And you think it’s got something to do with us?” You nod. “Why?”

“The girl in question was taking night classes at the hospital and her records have been scrubbed.” A small frown ghosted across his face. If you hadn’t been watching him for any signs of reaction you would have missed it.

“Mmm I see why you came to ask questions. It makes sense. I can tell you this much though.  It wasn’t us.”

“Forgive me if I sound rude but I’m gonna need more than that if you actually want me to believe you.”

Jiyong sighed, an action that was completely unnecessary for him. “We have not made any new vampires in the past fortnight and we have not disposed of any bodies that would fit her description. If she was taken by us, she’ll be in one of the brothels. We wouldn’t scrub her records for that though so it’s unlikely that we have her. You are welcome to check, I’ll send word to answer your questions if you should turn up at any of our fine establishments.” He smirked as he finished his last sentence, amused at the thought of you visiting every brothel in his section of town.

He leant forward, all signs of mischief gone from his face. “We aren’t the only ones to scrub records darling. If I were you I’d check uptown then the west. If she was taken downtown then you might as well tell whoever is looking for that she’s dead because if the fae have her, she’s never coming home.”

You nodded. You had the same plans. Vamps were the most likely suspects but if it wasn’t them then you were off to see the demons next. They were sly but civil. The wolves were tenacious so you had to pick your moments with them. The fae… well you were hoping to avoid setting up a meeting with them. “I planned on leaving them til last. I have connections with the other 3 factions but not the fae. I’d need all my wits about me before questioning them.”

Jiyong raised an eyebrow. “And you don’t need your wits about you with the rest of us?”

“I understand how each of you work. I’ve had dealings with each of you in the past. I’m not saying that makes you predictable or safe because lord knows you’re all dangerous but the fae are a whole other monster.”

You settled into a conversation with the head of the vampires. You could see the cogs turning in his brain every time you answered one of his questions. He was gracious, offering you a tidbit of his or his clans life whenever you answered him. There was no doubt in your mind that this man was also cunning and ruthless, one doesn’t remain the head of a clan for so long by simply being nice.

You noticed a man standing at the bar, his body turned towards your booth. He was swirling a glass of whiskey in his hand. His lilac hair stood out amongst the crowd of darkly clothed club goers. He was staring down at his glass as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. Something kept dragging your focus from him and no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t keep your eyes on him for more than a few seconds. It was like something was willing you to not notice him. You turned back to Jiyong to mention him but when he asked you what this man looked like you couldn’t pull a single feature from your mind to share with him.

Jiyong tried to pull details from your mind for the next twenty minutes before giving up. He called a guard over and had him search the club for fae. The guard didn’t find anything which didn’t surprise either of you. After an hour the two of you parted ways. He wished you luck on your investigation but told you not to hold out much hope. What you didn’t tell him is with any client, you presumed them dead until a piece of evidence told you otherwise.

The next day you headed uptown into the middle of demon territory. You made your way through the tent city on the outskirts, the alleys full of passed out addicts and hovels with working girls. The derelict buildings only represented the edges of the district. The edges were where you went if you’d run out of luck but didn’t want to leave the district. It was where you found yourself if you still thought you could win it all back. No one ever won it all back, beating the demons was unheard of. As you continued on the buildings became nicer, sleeker and colder. There was no warmth in this district. Courts, legal offices and casinos were big business here. Not to mention all of the stores catering to the high rollers. Car dealerships, designer fashion, award winning restaurants and more were places around the central business district.

At the epicentre stood The Cardinal, a luxurious, exclusive and extremely well guarded casino. It was where the demons had based themselves and it was fitting really, each sin was well represented inside those walls. To gain entry you were required to prove your wealth and you had to look the part. It was like most casinos in that you rarely ever beat the house but the similarities stopped there. If you ran out of cash other bargains could be struck with one of the 7 owners if you were dumb enough to make a deal with them.

You had heard stories about con artists who had tried to scam the place and the tales you had heard were not pretty. It would be very, very unfortunate if one of the 7 were to realize that and patron to the establishment were counting on what one con artist had liked to call ‘discreetly unorthodox methods’ to win the game – hell, it would be preferable to simply lose the old-fashioned way, or to be caught cheating by the normal attendants. They, at least, would probably be quick and efficient executioners. They had a very busy establishment to run. If, however, one of the 7 caught you, you would wish you were dead.

You had earned yourself free entry into The Cardinal after you had been tricked into catching one such con artist. At the time you hadn’t known you were hired by a demon, they were cunning like that. Avarice, or Yoongi as he had requested you refer to him, was cutthroat when it came to losing what he saw as rightfully his. The way he saw it, someone was out to take his money, and he saw that as a personal attack. You never asked what became of the con artist and frankly you didn’t want to know.

Over the years you had used the demons for their knowledge. Very little happened in the entire city without their knowing. Not surprising when you were dealing with demons. Even less surprising after you realised that the district was run by the seven deadly sins. In hindsight, Avarice was a little on the nose but demons always had weird latin names and you weren’t always bothered with translating them.

You had learned quickly that in order to deal with the demons and not end up as one of their victims you had to be extremely adept at double speak, specifics and manipulation. They were masters at the art of talking unsuspecting humans around in circles, promising them the world all the while tricking them into selling their souls, eternal servitude or death.

You made your way up the stone steps and spotted one of the bouncers sidestep to block you from entering the building. You turned your head towards one of the security cameras and blinked, waiting. A moment later the bouncer moved out of your way. You inclined your head at the camera before continuing up the steps to the entrance of the building. You paused in front of the doors that would lead you inside. Once you crossed that threshold it was a sensory overload and if you weren’t careful you’d never leave. Normal casinos were designed to fully immerse the gamblers into a world where time doesn’t exist, money is constantly won and where they directly influence the odds. The Cardinal did all of that and more. The windows were actually black reflective glass so if you looked at them you would never see the outside, only the interior of the casino. The layout was deceptively simple but if you strayed from the main aisle you could lose yourself for days. There were no clocks so that gamblers lost track of time, servers provided free food and booze to gamblers and if you weren’t gambling they’d tell you which machines were the good ones and which tables you’d win at in order to coerce you into gambling. Each of the three floors had different music, noises, lighting and scents. The kicker was that each room might just have one of the seven deadly sins in it, influencing the gamblers every move.

You bypassed the ground floor and headed straight up the stairwell to the main bar. You didn’t have a meeting set aside with Yoongi because you refused to give him any advantage when you needed to get information out of him. The less time he had to prepare, the better. You didn’t expect to find him in the bar area but you needed one of the others in order to gain access to whichever high stakes room he was more than likely in.

As you sat and waited for your drink the youngest of the seven dropped into the seat next to you. “I see you are taking your sin literally tonight Jungkook.” He smirked back at you.

“Well when you look this good…” He chuckled. He knew he was attractive, his body and charms were a weapon. Tall, dark haired, well built, strong but not imposing, thighs to die for, killer smile and that way of talking to you like you were the only person in the universe. Jungkook was dangerous to anyone he went after. Lust was definitely in his element in the casino and tonight he was not going for subtlety. Every other time you’d been here he’d been in a perfectly tailored suit that accentuated every feature that he wanted to highlight. Tonight he was in black skinny jeans, a collared shirt that was being held together with two buttons and a leather jacket. He exuded sex appeal and you needed him to leave the room. You couldn’t afford to waste any of your mental fortitude on anyone other than Yoongi tonight.

You reminded yourself why you were here and spoke. “I need access to whichever private game he’s running tonight.”  

Jungkook shrugged. “He’s not running one tonight.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, not believing the statement. “I’m not kidding, I have information to swap with him and some questions.”

Jungkook leaned forward and ran a hand through your hair. “And I told you, he isn’t running any of the private games tonight. V & Jin are. A bunch of foreign businessmen arrived earlier so those two get the honours for the night.”

You refused to break eye contact or allow yourself to notice how he had moved closer to you or all of the little touches he’d given you since sitting down. You did not come here to be seduced by Lust. No, you came here for a far more idiotic reason, to try and get Greed to give up information for free. “In that case where is he?”

Jungkook spun your body around on your seat so that he could stand right behind you. He extended his arm over your shoulder and pointed toward the other end of the floor before speaking in a sensual tone in your ear..  “He’s down near the roulette and blackjack tables. You could always just stay with me though. Surely we could work out a deal.”

You shook your head and removed yourself from his clutches. “You’d stand a chance if I didn’t know what you are. Unfortunately for you, I know better than to get involved with Luxuria.”

He grinned as you got up to leave. “Ah but that’s what makes it fun for me. When I finally do win you, you will beg for me.”

You waved as you walked off. “Keep dreaming on that. Never gonna happen.”

You scanned the area as you reached the blackjack tables. So far you hadn’t spotted him at any of the tables or walking the floor. You were getting ready to go back and chew Jungkook out for wasting your time when you finally spotted him. The mess of white blonde hair, the dark eyes observing the room hungrily from a recess in the room was unmistakably Yoongi. He glanced at you and raised an eyebrow. You approached him and took a seat in the recess next to him.

His low rasp startled you. “It’s fascinating to watch them revel in their greed. They hardly even need my influence on this floor, it’s almost like they think they could win.” He chuckled. “They know deep down that they cannot win, that no one beats the house, but still they try.”

“If they don’t need your influence then why bother making an appearance on this floor?”

“To recharge. I don’t need to influence them but I can feed off their greed.” His dark eyes gleamed. “And there is so much to feed off.” He waved a hand in your direction. “You aren’t here for a social visit so what do you want?”

“I have some questions for you about a case I’m working.”

You would have missed the gleam that flitted across his eyes if you hadn’t been looking at him to gauge his response. The vices were always easy to pander to, the difficult part was getting what you wanted unscathed. “What are you offering in exchange for my answers? You know nothing is free inside these walls.”

“Between 40 – 100% of the physical assets, gold, property, valuables etc will go to you. The percentage depends on the state that I find my client in.”

“80 – 100%”

“55 – 100%. No more. All I require from you is information, you don’t even have to move from this spot.”

He thought about your offer as he watched the humans throw their money down at the roulette tables, as if they stood a chance at winning. Their greed was palpable. “Fine. I will answer 3 questions. If you require more than that then we renegotiate the terms of our deal.” Clever. It was a smart move. This way he would gain some knowledge about what your case was and then he could figure out just how badly you wanted to solve it. He was trying to use your need for answers against you. It was not likely that he would budge from the initial offer of three questions so you got to work on the phrasing, you could not afford to leave any cracks for him to evade answering you.

“Agreed.” He shifted in his seat to face you, providing you with his full attention. “A girl went missing on her way home from night classes at the hospital. She lives in this territory. Every night she would call or text her sister to let her know she was on her way home and which bus she was on. The night she went missing she texted her sister to say she was leaving the hospital but she never arrived home. I initially thought vamps because by the time I was hired all of her records had been wiped. It’s as though she never existed.  I met with Jiyong and questioned him about the circumstances. After talking it out I can safely say I’ve eliminated the vamps from suspicion. That now leaves demons, wolves and the fae.”

“Not even considering humans for this?”

“The police sent the sister to me after they came up with nothing. They’ve had similar cases over the past few months and have never found a body or a suspect. Humans just aren’t as adept at making multiple people disappear without a trace.”

“Careful now Syn, that almost sounds like a compliment.”

“Question 1: In the past 10 days have any deals/bargains or agreements been made that resulted in the disappearance of a girl named Juliet on her way home from class at the hospital?”

“No.”

“Question 2: Where was she taken?”

“It’s flattering that you think I know the whereabouts of everyone in this city.”

“You have eyes on every person who lives in your sector and she lives here. Answer the question Yoongi.”

He smirked at you. “Away from her home.”

You mentally kicked yourself for not making the second question more specific. That was a rookie mistake, something you were not. “Question 3: Specifically, what building in which section was she taken to?”

Yoongi glared at you as he pondered how to respond. He eventually sighed. “This particular inhabitant of this sector was abducted before she reached the border. She was taken downtown so you might as well forget about ever finding her. I don’t know a specific building because fae territory doesn’t abide by the normal laws of physics.”

You slumped back into the recess. Fae territory meant bad news. You weren’t even sure if the case was worth pursuing at this point. When the fae took you, you never returned. The travellers had many stories about what happened if you got taken by the fae but that’s all it was, stories. None had ever met anyone who had been taken and returned.

You stared out at the blackjack table and tried to work out what you were going to do. To proceed would mean putting your life in danger but you hated the idea of throwing in the towel and giving up. You were pulled from your thoughts as Yoongi nudged your leg with his. “So, my payment…”

“Are you trying to be annoying or does it just come naturally?

“It comes naturally. But really, what percentage?”

You scowled at him. “I’m not sure yet.”

“Wait. You aren’t seriously going to pursue this are you?”

You shrugged. “I’m not sure yet.”

He scratched the back of his head and stared back out at the casino floor. You resumed watching the blackjack table. A man grabbed your attention. He was good enough of a cheat to not get noticed by the staff or guards but you were sure that he was cheating. The most common thing people tried to do was count cards but it was extremely obvious unless you were a master at it. This man wasn’t counting cards. He was a good player but he was drugging the other players. It was subtle but you spotted the slight touches and the residue that the players couldn’t see. Their betting became more extravagant and their actions less logical so he was naturally cleaning up at the table as a result of their bad bets. “Table 12, red hair and black suit.”

Yoongi quickly looked to the table you mentioned and watched as the game progressed. “That fucker thinks he can steal from me does he? Well. We’ll see about that.” He stood and turned to you. “I can provide extraction from the fae sector for you.”

Your head snapped up to look at him. There was no way he would ever offer something for nothing. “At what cost?” you asked.

He shrugged, a cold smile growing on his face. “If you die I get everything you own.”

You tried not to laugh. What exactly did Yoongi think you owned? Your shitty apartment was full of second hand furniture and you had lived a minimalist life , not by choice, so your version of everything was a lot less than he must have thought. “Deal.” You responded. “Try not to kill the guy before questioning him this time.”

He grinned at you, his gummy smile completely changing his face. “Got to mind the delicate social nuances when you inform some poor fellow that he’s a dumb motherfucker.”  Yoongi turned and disappeared in the crowds.

You returned to the bar, thankfully Jungkook was busy and was leaving you alone. You drank your whiskey in peace and watched the crowds. You’d always been fascinated by people and observed their behaviours whenever you could. You could tell a lot from watching a person who had no idea they were being watched. The Cardinal was full of liars, deceivers, criminals and the selfish tonight. Everyone you observed was trying to swindle their opponent and get rich. Observing that grew boring rather quickly.

A tuft of lavender hair across the room stole your attention. Piercing feline eyes stared back at you, cutting through the crowds like a laser. As soon as you stared into them they seemed to disappear. If it wasn’t for the fact that you could still see the lavender hair you would have believed you’d imagined it. You had no idea why you were so drawn to the man with lavender hair but you couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d seen him before.

---

You stood at the threshold between the fae sector and the human sector. You had spent the remainder of last night organising how you were going to ensure yourself safe passage in and out. You’d called Juliet’s sister to update her on the case, she’d quickly agreed to your higher fee in the hopes that you could return Juliet to her. Zico, head of the werewolf clans, had given you directions to the main bar in the fae sector. He’d told you that it was the main hub for getting information and that you might be able to get some of your questions answered there. He had told you not to hold out much hope though. The fae were very private and getting direct answers out of them was like drawing blood from a stone. Yoongi had struck a deal with you that promised he could get you out of the fae sector and demons never failed to deliver when a deal was struck so that made you feel a little safer.

You’d talked with sprites that had moved to the mixed sector and they’d given you rules to follow. Don’t eat or drink anything while in the fae sector or you’ll never leave and if you were to run into one of the princes, bow and leave. According to the sprites, the emissaries to the fae sector were the ones who did all of the dirty work like kidnapping girls but the princes were a different matter entirely. The princes could alter your mind and make it so that you’d never want to leave. They could bring you untold pleasure or unbearable pain.

Lastly, you’d called Detective Markham and told her what you could about the abduction and what she was to do if you disappeared.  She wished you luck on your rescue operation but reminded you not to sacrifice your own safety just to close a case. That was a little hypocritical coming from her but you had promised her you’d try. Anything more would have been a lie.

So you stood at the threshold trying to talk yourself into crossing the invisible border. You stood at the threshold convincing yourself that you weren’t an idiot to try and find this girl. That you could enter this sector and come back out unscathed. That you wouldn’t need to call in any of your contingency plans to get you the fuck out of there if everything went sideways. You trusted in your abilities. You weren’t just any human, you were skilled in areas that others weren’t and you trusted that you could either get the job done or confirm that Juliet was a lost cause. Either way you would walk back out across the border in a few hours. You squared your shoulders and took a deep breath and then stepped into the fae part of town.

The bar was not like you had expected. You weren’t sure what you’d expected but a tiki themed bar had definitely NOT crossed your mind. It was weird. Surely it was a joke of some sort, or an illusion. Zico had told you about some of the powers the fae had and the drugs they used. He’d given you a dose of something that he said would remove glamour and allow you to really see what was happening but standing in the middle of the tiki bar… you weren’t sure that it had worked. Barmaids were dressed in coconut bras and grass skirts, tropical looking drinks and fruits were being served and there was weird rainbow coloured candy in bowls all over the bar. You felt like you were at a frat party not in a fae bar.  They were supposed to be scary… this was the opposite of that.

You watched as another girl wandered around the bar, clearly enthralled by the theme. She eventually made it to the bar and ordered some weird blue drink and the bartender dropped a piece of the rainbow candy in it. He was speaking to her as he stirred her drink and she was giggling at the attention. Part of you wanted to go and stop her from consuming a drop of it but you needed to see what happened when she drank it. She lifted the drink to her lips and took a sip through her straw. Nothing happened. How anti-climactic. She took her drink and moved to a table in the far corner to continue enjoying her drink and staring around the bar. Seriously how could a tiki theme be this engrossing for a person? You were actually starting to wish for something to happen to her so that she’d stop staring at the tiki torches like they were the most exotic thing she’d ever seen in her life.

As soon as she sat down an orange haired man appeared. The way he held himself made you think he was potentially one of these princes Zico had warned you about. There was a cunning gleam in his eyes as he made a beeline for the girl and sat opposite her. You cursed under your breath. You could only see her face as he spoke to her and you watched the flirty smile and body language that she was offering up. As you continued to watch you notice the desire in her eyes build but you also saw something else. Fear. As he continued to speak to her you watched that fear and apprehension grow. She shook her head in response to something he said and he shrugged, moving to get up and leave. She grabbed his hand and begged him not to leave her. It was surreal. Here was this woman in front of you who was clearly terrified but begging to go with the very person who terrified her.  She nodded at something he’d said and then they both left.

“It’s rude to stare you know.” A light voice pulled you out of your tunnel vision of the recently vacated table. You nearly jumped out of your seat when he’d spoken.

“You might need to tell yourself that if you were watching me long enough to decide that I was staring.” You turned around in your seat to see who was speaking to you. When you turned you were met with an empty seat.

“You were hardly subtle about it. Sitting at a table alone, no food, no drink, not blinking…” This time you did jump as the voice now sounded from opposite you on the table. You turned back around and staring back at you was a fae man. You knew he was fae because no human looked that good. It simply wasn’t possible. The man staring back at you had the most mesmerising eyes, feline in shape. You felt like you had looked into these eyes before but you couldn’t remember when. He watched with a smirk on his face as you took in his appearance. The lavender hair, that stood out.  You were certain you’d seen him before.

“It’s also rude to invade a person’s space without introducing yourself.” You bit back. This guy clearly thought a lot of himself because he scoffed at your words and leant forward on the table, placing his head on top of his hands and raising an eyebrow at you. You hated how good he looked while doing that.

“I like doing things I shouldn’t. I don’t feel guilty. I don’t feel remorse. Why should I tell you who I am?”

You sat back in your chair, wishing you had a whiskey right now. “Well, simply put, it would be rude of you not to introduce yourself now.” There was something about this guy. If any other being irked you like this you wouldn’t have tolerated it but something about him made you keep your cool. You mind was trying to work out when you’d seen or spoken to him before but it was coming up foggy.  You had a niggling feeling that he had been keeping an eye on you over the past few days but you had no proof. You weren’t stupid though, you knew someone had wiped part of your memory. The foggy emptiness that a memory wipe left behind was something you’d seen in clients over the years but it had never happened to you.

He chuckled at you. “Is this how you treat everyone you meet?”

“Stop evading the question.”

“What, and ruin the air of mystery I have working for me? No I don't think I'll give you a name yet.”

You leaned forward, closing the gap between the two of you. “Why won't you tell me your name?”

”Because that would be telling.” He took a sip of his whisky and licked his lips “Since when do you need a name to enjoy someone's company?”

It might have been his eyes, the way he just licked his lips or it might have just been the strange feeling of familiarity he gave you that caused you to respond with “I can think of at least one good reason.”

That caught his attention, earning you another smirk. He placed his glass on the table in front of him and used his free hand to push your hair behind your ear, slowly trailing his hand along your jaw until he reached your chin, which he lightly grasped. “I do wonder what that reason could be. You make it sound so very enticing. Did you notice that I never asked for your name?”

You smirked. “Names are dangerous to throw around, especially with the fae.”

He sighed. “You ruin the fun so quickly. Fine. Why are you here kitten?” You glared at the pet name he gave you. “What? You don’t want to give me a name. I have to come up with one myself.”

You centred yourself and reminded yourself not to get into an argument with the fae. This guy seemed playful enough now but if you pissed him off you could tell you’d regret it. “I came to ask some questions about a missing girl.”

He sat silently, waiting for you to continue. “She went missing a week ago from the hospital. It wasn’t humans, vamps or demons that took her. Her records were scrubbed so now it appears like she never existed.  The last sighting of her was 5 days ago as she was taken across the border into this territory.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “And?”

It took all of your will not to snap at him. Why would he give two shits about the life of a human? You described her to him and handed him a photo of Juliet. “So my first question is; have you seen her?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Who took her?”

He sat back in his chair, swirling his whiskey. “How much do you know about our kind kitten?”

“Enough to know that you are clever and dangerous.”

He laughed, actually laughed at you. “I meant our history but it’s good to know you aren’t stupid like that girl you were staring at earlier.”

You scrunched your nose as you thought. “Not much. No one is really all that forthcoming with fae history lessons.”

He set his glass on the table and sat up straight. “There are 9 fae princes. 4 belong to the seasonal courts, summer, spring, autumn and winter and 3 belong to the solar courts, dawn, day and night. There are 2 emissaries, one to the seasonal courts and one to the solar courts. The emissaries are the ones who frequent the human world. The other princes are supposed to remain in their lands and not venture out into the human world but they are easily bored so sometimes they visit to observe and to choose new playthings. If they find a plaything, the emissaries collect said plaything for them and transport it to the fae lands. These 9 princes are said to be devastatingly handsome and dangerous. They each have a power that helps their court flourish and grow... Why are you laughing?”

“Sorry but if you could see your face when you said devastatingly handsome. Ego much? So, is the point of this history lesson to tell me that Juliet was taken by one of the two emissaries and is now a plaything in one of the courts?”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Be careful how to address me now. I ignored your earlier rudeness since you did not know my status. Now that you do, I won’t ignore your lack of manners or tact any more. It is true, Juliet now resides in one of the courts.”

Your shoulders dropped. If she was in one of the courts and not somewhere in the city there you had no hope of getting her back. You hated cases with bad outcomes but no one ever entered the far realm and came back. Once you entered, you were as good as dead in the real world. The man across from you noticed the shift in your mood and pouted slightly. “You could get her back. For a price.”

You shook your head. “Deals with demons are iffy enough, striking deals with the fae? That’s a whole different problem. The price is always too high, and 90% of the time the deal is worded in such a way that it only benefits the fae.”

He smirked at you. “You might find that you enjoy this one.”

“I can’t make a deal with anyone if I don’t know their name.”

“I thought you specialised in dishonest finesse?”

“I also do a brisk trade in putting knives to peoples’ throats and shouting at them”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Something is different, you weren’t able to focus on me before. Why is it that you can now?”

“A little wolf helped me get past your glamour.” You paused. “Answer one more question for me. Have we met before?”

“Oh my dear, if you remembered you would blush.” He bit his lip and stared at you brazenly. “I will make an addition to my terms. I will secure passage for Juliet, the girl from that picture who went missing from the hospital last week, to be returned to her sister unscathed, not remembering anything about her time in the fae lands if you agree to tell me your name, allow me to remove the glamour on your mind and live in my court for one month. After the month is over I will offer to wipe your memory and return you or let you keep your memories and return you.” He took a swig from his glass and chuckled at the look on your face as you tried to process the fact that you had met him before and apparently had some sort of history with him as well as how specific he had been in wording the deal. “See, fae can make detailed deals when we want to.”

“How do I know you or anyone else won’t harm me?”

“No harm shall come to you whilst under my protection, which will last from the moment you enter the fae lands until you leave a month later.”

You mulled the proposed deal over in your head. It seemed fine, your only concern was that you would have to go to the fae realm for a month. “I will agree to your terms with a few additions. 1. The normal fae rules for food and drink consumption will not apply to me whilst under your protection. 2. You will tell me your name during this month. 3. You will allow me one phone call before I go with you and 4. Juliet and her sister will remain safe.” He agreed, his lip curling upwards as you sealed the deal with a handshake. A small brand appeared on your forearm in the shape of a snowflake. “Winter court I assume?” He nodded.

You dialled and waited for your call to be answered. He picked up after 3 rings. “What?”

“Yoongi, the extraction plan we made a deal on, if I am not back in The Cardinal in one month send someone to my office. If I’m not there, extract me from the winter court.”

Yoongi’s low rasp sounded “Are you really this dumb Syn?”

“Your missing citizen will be returned tomorrow. I’ve struck a deal and I’d like to think after all these years hanging around you lot I’ve picked up on a thing or two.”

“Just remember what happens if you die.” With that he hung up.

The prince of the winter court had a devilish smirk on his face as he approached you which unsettled you. “I’m going to show you a memory that was wiped before we leave.” He raised his hand to your face and cupped it. Memories of your night at The Cardinal came flooding back to you. How you’d followed the lavender haired fae to the bar and tried to flirt in order to work out who he was. He’d played along, toying with you. He’d moved you into a small private booth in the bar and allowed you to push him down into the booth and straddle him as you drunkenly tried to get answers out of him, the lust and desire clouding your mind. You should have left the casino earlier, the effects of the sins, namely Lust, were starting to get to you.

“Yes, I think I'm starting to see why you might want my name.” He rolled his hips against yours causing you to cry out. “Do you want to know my name?”

“Yes!” You panted. He was giving you pleasure but holding back, yet to touch you where you craved it the most.

“Hmm, I think you're going to have to earn the privilege. Think you can earn it Syn?” You responded by kissing and nibbling at his neck whilst removing his tie and unbuttoning his dress shirt. Then you started to kiss your way down his chest and slid yourself down off his lap until you were knelt in-between his legs. You ran your hands up the inside of his thighs and bit your lip. The memory then faded.

He whispered into your ear. “For the record, I know your name. You are still working on getting mine.” You were blushing as the memories remained with you, embarrassed at what you’d seen. He took your hand. “Ok, time to go. A deal is a deal. As soon as you enter the fae realm you are under my protection and Juliet will be sent back home.” He tugged your hand and started to walk towards the back of the bar. The wall shimmered and he waited for you to step through.

The last words you heard before stepping across the threshold were. “You have a month to earn my name.”

[dragoonaway]

Death was just another aspect of the duty and the call. It was an ever present reminder of the fragility of life, no matter how strong, how close to immortal one was, no matter who was Blessed or deemed a heretic. Eventually it would claim everyone, no matter their years, no matter their species.

Did it always have to be so forceful though? To have life taken like that? Slaying monsters was one thing, but to watch a friend take a fatal blow to save you, it broke her. It broke the stoic figure that the Warrior of Light was, this “beacon of hope” for the Scions and the Alliance. They would never know the quarrels behind the silver eyes that looked steadfast at the threat before them without a blink of fear.

And while she was confident and did not fear the great beings she faced, death was very real. The stress that sat upon her shoulders like the weight of the world and all the stars was far too great to bear at times.

The chilling winds of Coerthas stung at her cheeks, making its way past the jagged edges of her armor and underneath the layers beyond. The cold felt good, easing her aching muscles with its frozen embrace. You need time to rest, Alphinaud had said, despite also rushing her to do something that he could not do himself. A petty maid for all the troubles of every nation.

She had grown resentful of it. Each migraine from the Echo, each jolt in her heart as the Crystal reconnected with her, and it all seemed to revolve around her tidings as the second Azure Dragoon, and this great warrior to lead them back to the straight and narrow.

The snow beside her, on this lonely wall facing the abyss, high above any ground, was disturbed silently. Too quiet for the average person, just loud enough for the one who shared the same bond.

The Azure Dragoons shared the storm together in comfortable solace. Their Drachen armor stood out as dark silhouettes against the white wall of snow, begging the likeness of the great beasts they slew just weeks before. They had grown closer over the past couple months, the journey that had brought them to this point pushing them into dire straits. It was easy when individuals of great power also shared the dark depths of loss and vengeance.

“It should have been me.” She broke the silence first, her voice rough with the wreckage she held inside. “The spear of light or whatever the fuck it was. I should have been the one to go. It was meant for me.” The woman didn’t bother to look up from her stare into the abyss, knowing she’d lose all composure.

Estinien took a moment in his response, himself feeling wrought with grief and yet passionate anger against the people who had made this great warrior feel such a way. “He did as what you would have done. What all of us would have done. To serve and protect. You needn’t blame yourself for his death.” The deep rumble of his voice was of some comfort to the woman, who had now shifted to play with the silver rings on her horns. He could see the scales that laced up her clavicle and neck shift and shiver with whatever emotion she held back.

“Each step I have taken towards this ideal of greater good has always ended with me off for the worst of it. Every errand I run for the fools that hope for a united front and goals of one, since they apparently cannot undertake such ordeals themselves, I am always stuck with the shit end of the stuck. They tell me to rest and then try to send me off once more.” The Power that was within her welled up and swirled around her bruised body, the distinctive features of a dragon crawling through the air from this mist that she projected. “They are so quick to send me to my death and come up with these grand plans, and act as though they’ve lost everything when it doesn’t work out, and yet don’t stop to think of the horrors that I have dealt with.” The power that was released was quick and short, yet an avalanche tumbled in the near distance from the impact that it sent.

Estinien was beyond his own fury, and he had his reservations when it came to how the warrior was treated. He didn’t dare let his opinions slip at the wrong moment though, for fear of not wanting to upset someone who has changed his life in such a drastic way. But he had no words of his own, too infuriated to know what to do. The loss of Haurchefant was felt between all of them, but it had hit his dragoon the worst, no matter if she let it show or not.

“Líadan.” He used her name, not her title nor calling her a ‘friend’ since it did not feel like that this time around. “While the deeds you do are great and many, you are still you. The Scions do not define who you are, and while times seem to always be pressing, you are allowed a reprieve. I admit that I am not a fan of the way they treat you as their dog, but I can only watch on as you continue towards greatness, and am lucky that I even share the same air and battle.” The clawed glove hesitated for a second before it reached out, pulling her own from the horn and holding it with a gentleness that she did not expect from this rough man. For a moment, she didn’t do much of anything, still as the rock she sat on and as cold the ice across its surface, but then her grip closed on his and for that small bit she felt like she had a tether to this world. That maybe she wouldn’t get lost in the darkness that was vengeance and despair.

But again, the universe reminded her of who she was, and once again she was plagued with flashes of images and the unclear voices of the aether. Her mind felt like it was split in two by a hot blade, pain piercing through her skull far beyond after the images subsided. The woman was unaware for a moment of the other dragoon holding her, nor did she remember being moved from the wall to the stone ground of Ishgard.

The man’s voice came back into existence after a moment of ringing, and as her vision slowly returned, she saw the wrought of concern make lines appear that she could not recall seeing. There wasn’t much for the warrior to say, however. All she could do was give up for the moment and let her helmet rest on his pauldrons, the protective warmth that held her being all she needed right now while she stopped being the Warrior of Light and instead an Au Ra that was tired.

[tdotsspot]

2020.....

Wow, it’s been almost TWO years since I've posted anything on here. I’ve thought about it from time to time, but never sat to actually say anything. I just looked at my last two posts....so funny. This is why I'll probably always keep this....just to look back, see where I was, who I was.

But back to 2020 bc HONESTLY this year is the one to go. down. in the mother. fucking. books. 

2019 was literally the best year of my life. It was the year I did the most traveling, the year I made the most money...it was like, perfect until the end. I went to Puerto Rico and St Thomas....Atlanta, Boston of course, MARTHA’S VINEYARD FINALLY and even though I've been there 100 times, this was the absolute best. Of course having Dameo was a plus, getting to show him my childhood summers, but Unc let me use the Mercedes which I legit fell in love with, we met Danny Glover which was crazy, I got the brass ring on my first try lol, and we had a lot of good food. LA, was amazing, I miss it so much....NY.....I feel like I’m missing a city, oh yes, dc! That was a fun drunk night.

Late November for Britt’s bday we all went out and that was the first time I was ever real life drunk around his fam, but it was so much fun. The next week....nana passed. It was sad, weird....I hadn’t lost someone in a really long time, and I was there to see some of her last lucid moments. We definitely got closer over the last two years or so since I visited her a good amount, and it made me more sad than I thought. I’m glad I got to have those moments with her, it was cool to get a grandmother again. Made me miss nanny a lot though...

A few weeks later, we found out I was pregnant! It was planned, we were excited although tbh I was kind of freaking out. A baby??? Like a whole ass human? No more weed, liquor, or runny eggs??? HOW SWAY! I don’t think I was ready yet, and a few weeks after that, RIGHT before Christmas, RIGHT before we were going to tell the family, I had a miscarriage. Goodness, I really wasn’t ready for that, at all. Obviously it’s common, but I never thought I’d have one....I was healthy, in a healthy relationship....happy....how the hell did this happen? Unfortunately we already told our moms at that time, partially to help cheer ang, and I knew my mom would be hype as well. I knew it was early, but I told some close friends as well. The pain I felt from that, I just didn't really expect. It was, really sad....I delayed our trip to Boston twice because I really just couldn’t bring myself to leave the bed and sit on a train for 6 hours. I almost canceled altogether but KNOWING NOW THAT THE FUCKING WORLD WAS GOING TO SHUT DOWN, I'm really glad we still went. It was reassuring to get my hugs from my mom, cry it out with her, and see the fam. Except Kendall was such a douche that visit *rolls eyes*. I did get to go see the friends pop up which LEGIT made my whole holiday. As such a huge fan, it was AMAZING, simply, amazing, and I got to enjoy it with my two older cousins and of course, the Dame. 

So that brings us to the new year of 2020. 2020 the year I think EVERYONE thought was going to be amazing, and maybe it will be. Maybe everything that’s going on albeit sad, overwhelming, insane....is in fact the year we all really needed. The Amazon was on fire, forever and as someone who truly cares about global warming that was super stressful. We almost had WWIII thanks to good old Trump, but boy oh boy....that was just the tip of the iceberg. A few weeks later AGAIN, I call my dr telling them I still haven’t gotten my period, my boobs hurt, and wtf is going on? She tells me to take another pregnancy test, which I thought was a joke because I JUST had a miscarriage weeks before, and yes we had sex, but we were ‘careful’. COME TO FIND OUT, my ass is pregnant again. I was, very confused...a little upset because I was planning on waiting a bit before trying for real again. I mean we just dealt with so much loss between nana and the miscarriage, I hadn’t even fully processed what my body just went through. I remember angrily buying the test because, those shits aren’t cheap.....peeing with the door open with Dame downstairs, (not at ALL romantic like the first time I told him) and looking down like....wait. “WHAT THE FUCK” about 3 times was said, I explained to dame this indeed does say I’m pregnant, but how?? 

30 minutes later, the world finds out Kobe Bryant died. There were a lot of emotions that day for sure. Even though I wasn’t a die hard Kobe fan or anything, for some reason this one really made me sad. Maybe because I was currently listening to a book his personal coach wrote; relentless....which is REALLY fucking good.

A week later, I'm confirmed via bloodwork that I am indeed pregnant and it’s time for take two! I didn't get excited until I passed my first trimester, just in case...but now at almost 26 weeks, I’m really excited to meet her. My babygirl! It’s still wild to know I’m about to be a mom, but I’m really pumped for both of us and I know we’ll make great parents. 

Ah yes, the mid march, covid 19 hits America. I was supposed to go on a three city tour to the west coast which I was very much looking forward to, before the world stopped. In fact, it was that very weekend, right after we had our ultrasound, the first and only visit Dame was allowed to come in, that everything stopped. A week or so later, a mid level of depression kicked in for me, which lasted about a month. I couldn’t believe that after WEEKS of puking and being dead ass tired, I was finally ready to work again, but I was Essentially unemployed. The west coast gig was a cute check, I had multiple events coming up that got canceled....weddings that got postponed, and all I could think about was I’m about to have a kid with no money. I went almost two entire months without making ANY money....luckily unemployment kicked in and I got a couple of grants I applied for because I really don’t know what I would’ve done. My mom of course was in my corner, and Dame would start working from home, but still fully employed so at least we wouldn’t be homeless. I knew there were hundreds of thousands of people in my boat, if not worse but I couldn’t help but be consumed with not making any money, and my 2020 year essentially being wiped out. 

Again, this was supposed to be MY year. Be a parent, make a lot of money, and I felt like I just fell flat on my face, in mud, and was suffocating. 

America’s approach to covid was trash, more and more people died...I was worried about my mom and aunts as they're older and more susceptible. This is the longest I've gone without seeing my mom, but thanks to technology! We literally FaceTime every day. 

I almost forgot! Red literally almost died. He got attacked by a pit that lives up the street and it was one of the scariest things I ever dealt with. We just came back from a cute little drive, it was absolutely beautiful out, and I just remember parking, letting him out for a walk, looking at a dog running but I couldn’t tell if it was on a leash or not. I then realized nope, this bitch is not on a leash, crossing the street, and watching it whip its head at me and red and sprinting across the street to attack him. I was absolutely terrified. My baby red, is literally getting mangled by a fucking pit by the neck. I’m also pregnant and scared the pit is going to attack me, that my stress is going to cause another miscarriage, and that I’m probably going to watch red die in front of my eyes. I completely blacked out on the woman who was sloppily running to get her dog off of him. Had it been a minute more, max, he would’ve been dead. I still picture it sometimes and it legit makes me so sad, but luckily he pulled through after about a week of healing, and a huge bloody abscess that needed to be drained. 

THEN about a month ago now, George Floyd was killed on tape by a cop and it changed the world. Between Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Abery dying and being cooped up for months in the house, major cities went up in flames, literally. It was a revolution that Is still happening which has caused corporate America to shove ‘black lives matter’ down our throats like black people just popped up, shown privileged ass white people who refuse to try and understand, racist fucks that just hate us so much....and the list goes on.

That’s been our year so far! and it about to get shut down again because because aren't taking covid seriously. 

Pregnancy has been really interesting though....not at all like what they show on tv and the movies. I’ve been emotional as hell crying over my body  changing....constipated af to the point where I now celebrate any time I shit, hella uncomfortable....but I know when we see her face it will indeed all be worth it. Doing this back to back though like Dame envisions....I don’t know man lol. We shall see. She's due in about 3.5 months. Check in before then....

Tdot, out. 

[drreporting]

Echo Pt.27

“And, I don’t know, I’m thinking maybe I should just stop pushing it, just let it be,” Owen finished, looking at Callie, “Accept that things will never be the same again, you know?”

Callie looked up from her drink and stared blankly at Owen. “I’m sorry, could you just repeat the last of what you said?”

He sighed, disappointed. “Maybe we should talk about this later?”

“No!” Callie exclaimed, feeling guilty now, “Just say back what you just said.”

Smirking, Owen relented, trying to concise what he’d said earlier. “I think that maybe Amelia and I would be better off apart.”

The ortho surgeon frowned. “What, why?” she wondered, “You two are perfectly fine together, happier even.”

“I disagree,” he retorted, “I think Amelia is more stressed when I’m around, I don’t want her to feel that way. Plus, she has a thing with Isaac, maybe I should really let go this time and-,”

“Isaac?” Callie questioned, cutting him off, “Who’s Isaac?”

“Wow, you really weren’t paying attention, were you?”

“Just repeat it,” she begged.

“Isaac from neuro,” he explained, pointing to a guy, by the bar table, with dark brown hair.

“That’s it?”

Owen sighed. “Isaac is also the guy Amelia slept with while I was away a few days ago,” Callie’s eyes opened wide and she was about to say something, but he quickly added, “And before you call my ex a cheater, let me remind you that she is exactly that, my ex.” She closed her mouth, letting the information sit with her for a bit, knowing there was so much she had to ask, to say.

“Okay,” she finally said, “Are you okay with this?”

“I mean, not really, but I don’t really deserve an opinion in this situation,” he reminded her, hinting at his infidelity, “And it’s not like we were mutually exclusive before I went away, or exclusive in any type of way, come to think of it…”

“Okay, understood,” Callie agreed, getting on to her more important question, “Can you make your peace with that, especially considering Amelia has somewhat made her peace with you cheating on her?” Come to think of it, Owen hadn’t really stopped to wonder if Amelia had forgiven him for that, far less if he could get past the fact that she’d slept with Isaac in their house.

“I don’t know if Amelia has fully forgiven me for that,” he answered.

“Well then, maybe it’s a good thing she slept with Isaac,” Callie blurted out, “Now you guys are even, huh?”

“I mean, I guess,” he mumbled, “But I’m not happy about that!”

“Well, too bad,” Callie said, “That’s the hand you got dealt.”

“Okay, well what do I do now?” he asked, “Do I leave things the way they are or do I fight for her?”

“That’s entirely up to you, Owen,” she answered truthfully, “But, if you choose to fight for her, a little advice; don’t try to be someone you’re not. She fell in love with you for a reason.”

Owen smiled softly and nodded. “Thank you, Callie.”

“Great, now let’s stop talking about this, it’s making me feel stalkerish,” she said. Owen laughed as Alex and Jo approached them, taking a sip of his drink.

“Any alcohol in there?” Alex asked, sticking his nose over Owen’s drink, “Why wouldn’t they bring alcohol to a fund raising event?”

“Illogical,” Jo agreed, reaching in her purse for something.

When Owen looked over, he noticed her and Alex pouring something into their drinks, from a metallic canteen. “Is that alcohol?”

“Whiskey,” Alex corrected, handing him the nip, “Want some?” Owen looked to Callie, who shrugged and nodded, holding out her drink.

---

“So where’s Owen?” Amelia heard a voice next to her ask, turning to see Isaac. Of course.

“I don’t know,” she answered truthfully, “He left before I did, but I don’t see him.” The second the words left her mouth, her eyes focused on the top of his head, moving through the crowd. He appeared to be accompanied by Alex and Callie.

“Well, I thought you would’ve come with him,” Isaac concluded, “seeing as you didn’t want to come with me.”

“I don’t think I need an escort at every event,” she grumbled, “I came here with Meredith and Maggie.”

“Oh okay,” he answered simply, watching her teasingly with his shallow greens. Amelia rolled her eyes at him and sighed, staring into her drink to occupy time. She’d only decided to go with Isaac to upset Owen, and then she decided that she’d just go with Meredith and Maggie because it seemed petty to go with Isaac. Now she was just here by herself, sulking about her decisions.

“Can I ask you something?” Amelia suddenly said to him. He nodded, giving her his undivided attention. “What do you think of Owen?”

Isaac quirked an eyebrow at her. “Uh…I don’t understand what you’re asking me and why you’re asking me.”

“Never mind,” she dismissed him, resting her chin on her hand, propping it up on the table. Isaac studied her for a moment, a look of intrigue on his face. “What?” she asked when she noticed him eyeing her.

“You haven’t forgiven him, have you?” he asked, smiling softly. Amelia looked over at him, and he could see his answer in her silence. “But you want to.”

“I don’t know, at first I thought I could get over it. Then, I thought his apology would be enough. Then I figured, hey, why not you.” She put a hand to his thigh. “No offence to you, of course.”

“None taken.” Isaac said.

“And then he came back from DC and…now…” she sighed and glazed her eyes over the crowd in front of them, searching for his head of golden hair. “I don’t know why I can’t fully forgive him.”

“Because he did something that actually hurt you,” he finished for her, “And you’re just trying to prevent it from happening again, at all costs; even your happiness.”

“Wow, okay,” Amelia responded slowly, and dryly, “It’s funny that you, of all people, would be pushing me towards Owen.”

“Actually, it’s funny that you, of all people, would ask me what I think of Owen,” he countered with a coy smile. Amelia rolled her eyes and exhaled, averting her attention elsewhere as she absorbed his words.

“And quite frankly,” he piped up again amidst the silence, “I think you’re being a little hard on him.”

Amelia snapped her neck back in his direction, eyes wide. “I am not!”

“You are!” he laughed, enjoying the fact that he was making the Shepherd blush, “People make mistakes, Amelia!”

“Okay, but-,”

“Owen has been faithful to you for the entire duration of your relationship with him, and he does something stupid this one time, and you’re just going to pack him in a box and put him in your closet with the rest of your horrible memories?” he inquired, eyeing her seriously, “Because that’s what I did, and look at where I am. I get to see my kids on weekends and my ex is engaged to some paediatrician who’s really understanding.” Amelia opened her mouth, then closed it, at a loss for words. His argument was solid, so much so that she began to feel a little guilty. “Don’t you make mistakes sometimes, Amelia?” he asked, alluding to her addiction. He was right. At the points in time where Owen could’ve given up on her and left, he persevered. Now, it had been her turn to return the favour, despite the complicated circumstances, and she’d failed him, left him to his own devices, his own decisions. And, evidently, he made a terrible, impacting decision to add a friction to their marriage so severe, she acted irrationally and ended it. They had failed each other.

“I have to go,” Amelia muttered, standing up suddenly. Her heart was beating in her chest with an adrenaline one could only get from realising that they had, indeed, fucked up.

[timeisacephalopod]

Request ABO-au, Tony is the Omega mate to alpha Bucky Barnes and about to have there first child unfortunately due to all the trauma Tony's body has been under his whole life complications arise at the birth of their child, The avengers return to find a newborn child but the precious Omega that gave birth to this beautiful baby now lies in a coma due to the extreme blood loss or whatever else you can think of. Now The avengers are forced to raise this child and pray that Tony wakes up soon.

Ok, so mpreg squicks me out, not for me at all, so I’ve just made Tony a woman for the purposes of this fic. The rest stays relatively true to the prompt, though I didn’t necessarily focus on child rearing.

**

Christ, Tony didn’t think this would happen and even Rhodey looks put out. “What the hell is this?” he asks, gesturing to a hovering Bucky and Tony’s tempted to kick him out of the lab but the last time she tried that he broke back in and it wasn’t a pleasant mess to clean up.

She sighs, “pregnancy brain,” she tells him and Rhodey frowns.

“I thought pregnancy brain was a… pregnancy thing. Clearly he’s not knocked up,” he points out.

No, but her scent does seem to have created some type of weird reaction that has him in, as best as they can tell, a state somewhere between Bucky’s normal and Winter Soldier state. Except he shouldn’t have a Winter Soldier state. Either way she’s kind of pissed off that he keeps invading her space but if she gives him the boot he shows back up with a vengeance and Steve got tossed out a window last week so she figures she’ll deal with it. He’s mostly harmless anyway, at least to her.

“Yeah, uh. Apparently not. We aren’t sure why he’s like this but don’t get too close. If he’s willing to toss Steve out a window I don’t know what he’ll do to you,” she says. She feels bad, but she laughed when Clint got punched square in the face for getting too close. Serves him right for being a massive fucking prick who definitely doesn’t deserve his wife but still, she wouldn’t be impressed if Rhodey got punched.

Rhodey’s gives her a look, “take him to a damn therapist or something, Tony!”

“Tried that. Sam refuses to do that twice,” she says. “And he’s still a little upset about Steve being thrown out a window.” He’d been all offended and honestly Tony doesn’t get it. Of all the people that could have gotten tossed Steve’s the most durable so he should deal with it. So what if his boyfriend went sky diving with no parachute? Be bounced off the ground a little and was fine. At least it wasn’t Clint. Without his arrows he’s useless so that would have been an unpleasant mess to clean up.

“He’s a danger to people!” Rhodey says and he must get a little too close because Bucky steps forward and Tony grabs his arm, yanking him back.

“Hurt him and I’ll throw you out a window,” she tells him. He listens to her. Mostly.

“You’re just going to deal with that for ten months?” Rhodey asks and Tony shrugs.

“More than half that time has already passed so,” she shrugs. Besides, Bucky isn’t always Caveman Brain, sometimes he’s normal.

Rhodey sighs. “Why couldn’t you have picked someone normal. Steve would have been nice,” he says and Tony wrinkles her nose.

“Steve is corn field hot,” she says in way of an explanation. And also Sam called dibs, so.

*

Whoever the hell said pregnancy is beautiful needs their goddamn eyes checked or maybe Tony thinks that because of all the bullshit she’s dealt with over the last few months. Pregnancy seems difficult for anyone, but with the reactor, history of addiction, and all the being beat up on a regular basis it hasn’t done her body any favors. Her blood pressure is consistently too high despite eating the way she should be, her heart rate hasn’t been normal in years, and having something both below and on top of her lungs has made breathing more difficult.

But she deals with it and its not really that bad anyway. No fetal abnormalities either, so that’s good, even if she’d like her breathing space back. She could probably say something to someone but frankly she’s going to have to deal with all these problems anyway so she mostly keeps it between her and her doctors. So there are problems, every pregnancy has them.

*

They’re on their way back in when they find her. Rhodey thought it was kind of odd that she hadn’t said anything over the comms, usually she does even if she’s not in the field, but figured maybe she was tired. Tony’s always been able to put on a good front but he can see how exhausted she’s been lately and playing interference with Bucky’s fucking weird pregnancy habits isn’t helping. Today, thankfully, he’s normal and Tony had pretty much fucked off to the lab presumably for alone time as soon as she realized.

Then came the call, fucking Doombots again, and Rhodey flew out with the rest of the Avengers because Tony’s position is both tactically useful and also hard to replace. He knows how to operate the suit and unlike Pepper he doesn’t have a company to run. Its temporary so people on his end have picked up the slack of him being missing however temporary it is.

“I hate the wizard,” Natasha mumbles as she walks by bruised and annoyed.

Rhodey laughs, shaking his head. “Better than Bucky gone squirrelly,” he says.

“I can’t help it and I don’t even know why I do that,” Bucky says in his defense.

“You have issues,” Rhodey tells him, shaking his head. Guess at least he’s basically a giant guard dog but more violent and not towards Tony. Actually, he mostly seems to only listen to her when he’s gone caveman. Rhodey might be more concerned if that weren’t the case.

“For the record I am not a wizard, I am the Sorcerer Supreme,” Stephen says, nose in the air.

“Yeah, like the Taco Bell fries supreme but magical,” Rhodey says, earning a laugh and a high five out of Natasha.

Nat takes off to go do whatever and the rest of the Avengers pretty much converge on the fridge with enthusiasm. Bucky gives Tony’s room a look but Rhodey doubts she’s in there. She’s probably in the lab too wrapped up in whatever she’s doing to notice them gone. Wouldn’t be the first time. Doesn’t seem to stop Bucky from looking concerned though.

Rhodey turns back to the fridge and snatches the left over Chinese out of Steve’s hand. “Excuse you, that’s mine I called dibs,” he says, squeezing around the rest of the Avengers to get to the utensils.

“When?” Steve asks, frowning.

“Right now,” Rhodey tells him, finding an extra pair of chopsticks and waving them around.

Steve looks irritated but lets him have it. When he reaches for the other carton Bucky snatches it before he can manage and Steve gives him a look. “What? I’m an expectant father, gotta eat to stay healthy,” he says and Steve squints.

“If health is your concern why are you eating Chinese takeout?” he asks.

Bucky considers that for a moment, obviously failing to come up with an explanation. “Rhodes, help me out,” he says finally and Rhodey rolls his eyes.

“Only other thing in there is Cheeze Whiz, Chinese is healthier than that,” he points out.

Bucky nods, waving a hand in Rhodey’s direction. “What he said.”

“Strange,” Natasha says, breaking into the scene unexpectedly.

Stephen tries unsuccessfully to bat the cloak away from where its trying to poke at a head wound. “I thought you didn’t like me,” he says, amused. He smacks the cloak away from him again, this time more successful, and turns to face Nat. When he does the amusement drops from his features. “What’s wrong?” he asks immediately and Rhodey frowns because Natasha looks no different than usual. A little pale, maybe, but that’s not exactly odd considering she got tossed around pretty good.

“I don’t know,” she says, turning on her heel and walking away. Strange takes off after her fast and the rest of them drop their food and follow, confused.

*

Natasha isn’t really a kids kind of person. She likes other people’s kids and she’s not going to lie, she was kind of looking forward to Tony having her kid. She can spoil the little bastard rotten for a few hours and return the kid with no consequences to herself like she does with Clint’s kids all the time. Laura about skinned her for that time she gave Nathan caffeine.

Now that Tony’s in the fucking hospital though she’s worried. More so because, as it turns out, Tony had a whole list of problems not even Bucky knew about and he practically glued his ass to her side. The only one that doesn’t seem surprised by that information is Rhodey, who did little more than sigh and shake his head like this isn’t the first time that’s happened. Knowing Tony it probably isn’t.

“I’m impressed with how much she managed to do,” Strange says eventually, breaking the tense silence. Bucky glares at him something fierce but Pepper takes him up on his words.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

Strange, who’s probably the only one who understood half that doctor babble to its fullest extent anyway, rubs his temples for a moment. “Well, she managed to ensure an entire infant was medically fine after going through what looks to be a terribly traumatic birth. I don’t… its not really my area of expertise, but its safe to say people keeping that level of focus isn’t normal. And she clearly instructed her AI to monitor the baby’s vitals. That’s how I knew he was fine,” he says.

Of course Tony probably forgot to mention hers. Typical. Natasha doesn’t get Tony most of the time. Half the time she’s profoundly selfish, the other half she’s selfless to the point of absolute stupidity. Like now.

“What’s that matter at the moment?” Bucky snaps. Rhodey tries to put his hand on his shoulder but Bucky shakes him off, annoyed.

“It doesn’t, I suppose. But its still impressive,” Strange says.

*

Rhodey’s mostly asleep when he hears the shuffling of bed sheets. He’s tempted to ignore it because its probably Bucky moving around again but he cracks an eye open anyway just in case its something else. Turns out its a good thing he did because Tony’s awake and glaring at Bucky, who shuffles a little and wakes up himself. For a half a second he looks happy and then Tony speaks.

“Get the hell out of my bed,” she snaps at him. “Can I just have five minutes without you trying to crawl up my ass to make a nest in my colon?”

Rhodey covers his mouth with his hand to try and stifle the laugh but it doesn’t work. Bucky doesn’t look impressed but whatever. “Good news,” he says, “guess she’s fine.”

Bucky crawls out of her bed and slinks off but Tony lets him back in when he returns with coffee.

*

Natasha can’t help but laugh as Tony sits in a tub, steam rising off her skin as she glares at nothing in particular. “Why the fuck does no one talk about this?” she asks.

“What?” Natasha asks innocently, “no one told you about the heat?”

Tony looks so pissed. “No, no one told me about the fucking heat. I already knew about the month long period but it comes with a month long heat? How the fuck do omegas do anything after giving birth? And if Bucky shows up here tell him he’s fucking banned from my life for what he did with my uterus.”

Natasha starts laughing again, shaking her head. “Could have asked Laura,” she points out.

“And risk having her know I’d sooner sacrifice her husband to a Doombot than save him? No thanks. No offense,” she adds when she seems to remember that Natasha is also friends with Clint. But the fact that she and Clint don’t really like each other is well known by now. They all figured it was Steve she’d hate, that’s how it started, but now she mostly only dislikes the fact that he has authority on things rather than Steve himself.

“Fine then. No one mentioned this?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Tony snaps. “I think everyone assumed I already knew and, in their defense, this does seem like the kind of common knowledge thing everyone should know so why didn’t I?”

Well, people don’t much talk about omega’s bodies so they all know the answer to that already but Natasha shrugs. “Pregnancy’s gross?” she suggests and Tony snorts.

“God damn right it is. I looked like a planet, couldn’t breathe for shit, couldn’t even pick shit up, Bucky went zombie on my half the time, and I couldn’t even get the satisfaction of Clint being punched without being kicked in the fucking ribs. Don’t get pregnant,” she tells Natasha, pausing for a moment. “Wait, never mind. I shouldn’t get pregnant again. Its horrible. I’m getting a hysterectomy. Rip the whole thing out, fuck that,” she says, shaking her head.

“At least you got a kid out of it I guess,” Natasha says, not that Tony has spent much time with Peter between hospital visits and ice baths to maintain a normal temperature.

Tony lets out an annoyed sigh. “Yeah, he’s fucking adorable not that I can appreciate that because I’m in an ice bath all because apparently Bucky doesn’t know how to use a fucking condom,” she snaps.

Natasha snorts and starts laughing again. “I can’t believe you trusted a guy from the forties with that,” she says, shaking her head.

“Yeah, yeah. Poor judgment call I know. But Peter’s pretty great so,” she murmurs, shrugging.

Nat looks over to find Bucky all but pouting at the door so she sighs. “Am I allowed to let Bucky in or do I have to kick him out again?” she asks, amused.

Tony looks like a pissed off wet brown lab but she sighs. “Yeah, let him in,” she mumbles.

Bucky looks happy to have been let in, making his way to Tony fast and when he hands her coffee she takes it but she doesn’t look happy about it. “I don’t know what I did but I feel compelled to apologize,” Bucky says, standing there awkwardly.

“Don’t bother with an apology, just pet me and tell me I’m pretty,” Tony says, sounding as annoyed as she looks. “Natasha refused.”