#as per usual this started to run away from me (esp when i write for them... i do not have control then)

[littleoddwriter]

Hello my amazing and wonderful friend

I have missed your writing so dearly so I'm gonna take advantage of your asks being open right now and request a short college AU fic for Zsaszmask. It can be established relationship with just a look into their life or a first meeting. Write whatever is easiest for you, I will just be happy to read the words you wrote.

Kajahqhqh I'm so bad at sending requests so I hope this makes sense.

Wanna Hate You | Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz | ZsaszMask

Hello there, my dearest friend! <3 Aw, thank you so much!!! And no worries, you made complete sense, heh. I hope you like what I did with it, thanks for the request, dhjfkhsjk! <3 summary; Victor wants to hate Roman, but finds himself fascinated by the young man. notes; College AU; First Meeting; Mentions of Violence.

Boisterous fake laughter echoed through the hall and into Victor’s dorm room. 

He wanted to hate the guy the loudest laugh belonged to. He tried very hard to hate him. After all, that guy was beyond obnoxious. Victor had every reason to resent him, really.

But something about him just caught his attention. He knew exactly what it was, but that didn’t make it any less confusing to him. 

Roman Sionis. The heir of the Sionis’ legacy and Janus Corp. A spoiled brat that had people gravitate toward him for the simple fact of who his parents were and that he had money. Lots of it. It was all incredibly fake, but Roman entertained them all. He thrived on the attention he got, fake or not. He loved to boss them around, to feel like a God, as they practically kissed the ground he walked on. 

Yet there was something lurking beneath the surface. Roman was like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off at every minor inconvenience or grievance that came his way. Victor was fascinated by that. 

No matter how hard Sionis tried to play the perfect boy with Daddy’s money, making connections at Gotham Academy, he always failed to maintain it completely. 

There was an incident at least once a week, where Roman just lost it and punched somebody in the face, humiliated somebody, harassed those around him, yelled them into submission and fear, or even pulled a knife on them. The list went on. 

At least once a week, Roman snapped. And every time, his parents cleaned up his mess with bribery to keep Roman in college and to keep all those incidents off the records. Every victim was paid off, sometimes never to be seen again. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it to himself, Victor looked forward to those incidents every day. They were what made college more interesting, what made Roman so fascinating and captivating. They were the only reason Victor couldn’t get himself to hate the guy. 

In fact, Victor often found himself thinking about how he could bring Roman’s next outburst along faster without making himself take the brunt of it. He liked to watch. To see that fire in Roman’s eyes as the mask started to crack and slip and his true self reared its ugly head. 

Part of him felt like it was unfair, though, that he knew so much about Roman and was fascinated by him, only for the other to not even know he existed. 

Victor was pretty good at fading into the background. Usually, that was exactly what he wanted. He didn’t like attention; especially all that fake crap these college kids at Gotham Academy were so very good at. But he started to crave attention from Roman. He wanted and needed it. And it really bothered him that Roman had no idea. 

Victor has been racking his brain, trying to find a good way to introduce himself to Roman, get his attention and keep it. 

As it turned out, Victor fantasised about all the different ways he could go about it for nothing.

___

After a full day of classes, which he all hated and he failed to remember why he went to college in the first place, Victor returned to his dorm room. He didn’t have a roommate, luckily. So, of course he was very surprised to find somebody in his room on that evening.

How Roman got inside was beyond Victor. Maybe he underestimated him. Maybe Roman was really good at picking locks.

He stared at Roman, trying to decide on what to say and how. He couldn’t mess up his chance of finally having Roman’s attention on him.

“Are you mute or something?” Roman asked rudely, crossing his legs one over the other and leaning back in Victor’s desk chair. 

Victor frowned, shaking his head. He hated to admit it, but Roman made him speechless. And he also made him feel exposed, now that his piercing blue eyes looked Victor up and down.

“What’re you doing in my room?” Victor asked back instead. 

“Waiting for you, obviously,” Roman answered, looking around the small room with a disgusted expression, “I’d never set a foot in this sort of mess otherwise.”

“Why?” 

Roman’s eyes snapped back up to Victor’s face. He stared at him for a long moment.

“I’ve noticed you and your little habit,” Roman sneered, “You’re always there when I’m having one of my… moments. Always watching. But instead of appearing to be scared or put off, you just smile. Like I’m entertaining you with my outbursts.”

Victor couldn’t believe what he just heard. Roman actually noticed him? The spoiled brat was more observant than Victor had expected. 

Giving Roman a lopsided smile, Victor responded, “You're very entertaining when you snap. It makes you interesting to me. They all had it coming anyway.”

Roman’s eyes seem to light up at that and he shoots Victor a toothy grin in response, “So you agree. You agree that those fake maggots deserve to be squashed.”

“I do,” Victor nods. “But I don’t get why you hold yourself back so much if you want to put them in their place.” 

“Because of my stupid fucking parents,” Roman groaned, “I’m already on thin fucking ice with my father as it is. He keeps threatening to cut me off and I can’t let that happen.”

“Why not? You’d be free if he did.” Victor’s words were blunt and he could see that Roman was intrigued, but also hated it, since he probably wasn’t used to anyone challenging what he said. At least not like that.

“I know that. But… I don’t think I could handle the humiliation,” Roman said in a whiny voice that - surprisingly - Victor didn’t find annoying.

“You could. With me by your side.”

There was a spark in Roman’s eyes, “Oh? Forward much, aren’t we?”

Victor shrugged. He didn’t care. Not anymore. This was his chance and he’d take it, no matter what.

Tapping his fingers against his thigh, Roman continued, “Well, what do you suggest? I can’t just let myself be cut off without a plan…”

___

Victor wanted to hate Roman the second he heard his annoying, loud fake laughter ring through the dorm halls at Gotham Academy. He wanted to resent him, but instead felt pulled toward him. Roman Sionis was a magnetic field and no one stood a chance when getting too close, least of all Victor. 

Now, twenty years later, Victor couldn’t possibly care less. Roman was his and his alone. 

They both thrived, running their businesses and revelling in their true selves. No more hiding. No more lurking. No more Mommy and Daddy that could ruin all the fun. That was the first thing they had taken care of all those years ago. Roman was much better suited as the head and face of Janus Corp, after all, with Victor by his side.

[elftwink]

so this is from someone who also actively plays in and dms campaigns with other systems but personally i love dnd partly because i like the number of arcane rules. i think part of what it is, is my table experiences have been so combat-lite that for me the system has just become tools for solving puzzles and situations. encounters are so few and far between with my usual dm that they become very intense and scary when they do happen, and you can maybe say well that's dnd guy cope to say that this combat sim is better without the combat, and that probably is true. the best version of dnd for me like if i were writing 6e would be to shift the game's mechanical focus away from combat, increase the prominence of utility/ roleplay oriented spells and skills, and encourage DMs not to rely on combat to fill space in the game

yes!! ik im being a hater in my posts rn but i also love dnd, and especially the magic and spell system. it's not perfect obviously, but i have yet to find a ttrpg whose magic system is as engaging to me personally as dnd is. idk it's like exactly the right amount of rules to feel very bound by them while still leaving wiggle room for creative magic choices (either by way of flavour which is whatever you make of it, or by way of doing something that is Technically covered by the spell but probably not intended, which almost always fucks extremely hard).

& also i agree that dnd is kind of too combat focused, and i actually do think it would be better with less (although i suspect that given theres a pretty large contingent of dnd players who play mostly or solely combat, i dont think this is a universal opinion lol), or at the very least if it didn't feel like it dominated the meta decisions you have to make. like when i take new spells i often have to deliberate between the cool utility spell i actually want to take that has no damage component, and the damage based spell that will keep me viable in combat. i wish often these choices were less at odds with each other, or at least if you had a character who needed to be carried through combat that they would have more utility in non-combat scenarios instead of just kind of feeling like dead weight (now i sound like someone who should try another system, lol. but its more varied spells in the existing dnd system that i want!)

also i kind of think dnd has a problem esp at the mid level with keeping combat high stakes and genuinely scary, which is a whole other post where i could ramble lol, but honestly in terms of per table solutions "do combat a lot less" sounds like actually an extremely good way to deal with it. the worst thing in dnd is when combat starts to feel repetitive and like a slog. if it happens rarely it just so so so much easier to avoid that. i could say much more about this but ive already been typing this ask for a gazillion years but the point is i'm stealing your dms tactics for next time i run a game

also to contextualize my baseless haterism posts, i just want to clarify that i don't care in any way if someone plays only 5e/dnd and refuses to play other systems. this is whatever. what annoys me is when such people insist this is because every other game on earth is worse than dnd at everything, somehow, even though they do not know the full rules of dnd and are not super interested in learning. there's a lot to be found there in dnd but you have to like, engage with it. your dm cant read it for you. & its always more fun to be at a table where everyone knows wtf is going on than with players who barely know enough to scrape by and treat the DM like a rules dispensing machine

anyway. your 6e ideas sound awesome, especially more utility spells pleaseeee wotc. life could be so beautiful

[shinjaeha]

ipytm ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)

this is going to be a tough post for me to do bc honestly...this ep just left me feeling so run down. i know that the cast and crew have always strived for realism and authenticity with this series, but this one was just a lot to take in :/ my thoughts are gonna be even more all over the place than usual but idec at this point. having to rewatch this ep again is really fucking hard (even harder than itsay ep 4 bc even though that makes my heart ache, i still feel some sense of satisfaction from the development we get...this just leaves me feeling defeated in every way).

you know the drill: not an analysis, just me ranting as usual bc free therapy (and boy do i need it after this one)!! i had so many feelings watching this ep (esp towards teh but what’s new), so here goes.

we begin with the drama students rehearsing for jai’s new play, and the introduction of the plum wine which will be the recurring motif in this whole ep. the use of the plum wine in this also kind of reminds me of how teh initially disliked coconuts until he started falling in love with oh-aew and started to like them instead...i’m guessing that’s the parallel they’re trying to draw with the plum wine comparison in this.

teh’s having a hard time getting into character (which we already know from last ep was always going to be one of the toughest challenges for him as an actor). his character in the play is supposed to have a sex scene, but he’s struggling with this bc he can’t put himself in his character (akin’s) shoes, so jai ends rehearsals early.

jai gives them all logbooks which he basically wants them to treat as diaries where they’ll write everything they feel/learn and hand it back to him (he’ll be the only one reading them). ngl this already had me feeling kind of yikes (esp now as i rewatch this knowing how everything went down) since jai already has inside knowledge about teh’s feelings on his relationship with oh-aew which he can take advantage of :/ more on that later though...

it’s sad to me that so much time has passed since teh’s argument with khim and he's STILL avoiding her. khim was someone that he respected immensely (and was such a great mentor for him) so it just sucks to see that their relationship has deteriorated so much since the first two eps. teh might have had his reconciliation moment with oh-aew last ep, but there’s still a lot that he’s not ready or willing to address yet.

i understand that teh’s just encouraging jai about his work when he tells him to stop having others comment on it, but at the same time, i disagree with him bc i think it IS important to get other peoples’ opinion about your work. how else will you ever be able to see things from other perspectives if you don’t?

anyway, teh tells jai he’s seeing a play, and jai asks teh if he’s bringing oh-aew...the look on teh’s face is telling enough that things aren’t going great between them (at least on his end). this brings us to the logbook scene, where teh’s homework for the day is to write about the similarities and differences between himself and his character in the play. this gets teh to reflect on how he feels his relationship with oh-aew is changing, or specifically, how oh-aew seems to be changing so much that teh feels like he’s becoming someone else entirely...and does that mean that he still loves him the same?

i feel like this is a fairly common issue with people that have been in a relationship for a while (and this is their third year together now), so i understand how teh might start having doubts. it’s nothing that oh-aew’s done, it’s just that sometimes all these small changes can keep mounting up to the point that they feel much bigger than they actually are. oh-aew’s really just doing what everyone else does, which is grow and change as they get older, but teh’s still stuck in the past trying to hold onto what they used to have instead of evolving with oh-aew. the way teh picks at all these little changes of oh-aew does make me think that he’s self-sabotaging himself. he’s just so afraid and insecure that oh-aew will change so much he leaves him, that he has to nitpick at reasons why oh-aew’s the one that’s growing away from him (though when we watch the whole ep we know that that’s not the case at all). it’s like a ‘if i push him away first, then he won’t push me away’ sort of self-defence mechanism. either way, teh’s a constant overthinker...and he’s always been his own biggest enemy since the start, so it makes perfect sense to me that he would do this to himself here too.

i know that they’ve been together for years at this point, so things are not quite as exciting as they used to be, but it hurts to see oh-aew be so happy about getting an A for his class, and teh be so unenthused about it. oh-aew has to basically beg teh to give him attention and praise. remember when teh used to get so worried when oh-aew did badly in chinese class...and now it’s like whatever to him just bc he’s not tutoring him/they’re not in the same major anymore :((( i know it’s prob both bc teh’s still hurting that oh-aew transferred majors, and from seeing oh-aew succeed while he feels like he’s failing, but still...

also, not inviting him to see the play with him bc he thought oh-aew wouldn’t be interested/oh-aew kept falling asleep whenever they saw plays together ;;; i get the reasoning from both povs, but it still is nice to be asked :(

so one thing i have to say about the progression of their relationship here is that i just feel this huge disconnect from last ep and this ep?? i know it’s bc of the time skip (since it’s a year later basically), but to go from the end of ep 2, where they’re promising to love each other forever, and then to teh feeling disillusioned/as though he’s falling out of love with oh-aew basically right after that?? it’s so jarring. i feel like we lose so much with these time skips bc the transition from ep 2 to ep 3 is never really shown, so there’s this lack of flow there. like we’ve skipped a step entirely and something’s missing. this is the disadvantage of only focussing on one year per ep since there’s not enough time to explore as much character and relationship development when we’re only seeing an hour long snippet of an entire year. it just makes things feel superficial since so much of what we should be seeing is missing...and we basically have to fill in all the gaps ourselves.

okay, back to oh-aew ranting to his friends about how he feels like his relationship with teh is fading away bc they don’t have the same interests anymore, but also wondering if that’s just normal for long-term relationships. bless that boy that came to ask oh-aew for his ig :’) at least he knows that he’s wanted and has options, even if he obv turns him down bc of teh (for now).

plug and mangpong are dating!!!!!!! and mangpong does a horrible job of trying to hide it 😂 sidenote, but i love the way pp delivers lines sometimes (like the “just shocked”), he’s so cute. plug and mangpong’s legs touching...and the wave of nostalgia that came over me (and oh-aew) during that ;;; oh-aew seeing their blossoming relationship would make him reminisce back to his own experience of falling in love with teh...when everything was still so fluttery and new. so when teh texts him about using his car to help jai move, he looks happy. like he wants to rekindle those feelings again too.

that being said, it’s kind of sad to me how even jai shows more interest in oh-aew’s major than teh (when he asks him for his opinion on how to get people interested in his play). oh-aew’s got some good ideas and is more than willing to help (esp since he wants to connect and find a common interest with teh again). also, just bc oh-aew doesn’t want to be an actor anymore doesn’t mean that he’s completely uninterested in it. god, watching this part again hurts bc oh-aew looks so happy and optimistic. he worked so hard to help teh (and jai) only for them to betray him like that. it made me mad originally, but now it just breaks my heart :(

jai’s running acting classes again for his play, and this time it’s a workshop to help them tap into their feelings. it’s like an intimacy exercise where they give one another consent to touch certain body parts. teh is still struggling a lot with this. i think teh craves intimacy, but as he doesn’t feel that connection in his personal life to oh-aew anymore, so it’s difficult for him to draw on his experiences. he can’t even remember the first time he had sex with oh-aew properly anymore. as usual, teh���s too in his own head to just go with the flow and ~feel things (which isn’t new since teh’s had problems with this since itsay), but it’s def something that he’ll need to learn how to do if he wants to become an actor. he’s trying, but the fact that he can’t get to that place makes him feel even more insecure than ever that he might never be able to get there. imo one of the reasons teh works so hard, and is as driven and ambitious as he is, is that he’s afraid that he’ll never be good enough. he puts so much pressure on himself, and the issue with that is that he’ll never be able to live up to his expectations that way.

teh is also very much alone now. oh-aew has his group of friends to talk to about his relationship with teh, but teh just has jai at this point. he’s pushed khim away...and he and oh-aew aren’t communicating effectively (which is also why they’re on SUCH different wavelengths in terms of where their relationship is at), so there’s literally only jai for him to talk to about all his relationship issues. and to me at least, jai seems to have ulterior motives (particularly when you consider that the subject matter of his play is pretty much the same thing that teh’s going through rn). it’s times like this when i do feel kind of bad for teh, but then again, he brought this upon himself the way that he almost always does...and it leaves me frustrated instead.

jai kissing his professor though...also their conversation?? i have QUESTIONS...

that whole interaction with teh when jai catches him spying on him and the professor was SO awkward. idk what it is about teh but i have never encountered a character that has given me as much secondhand embarrassment as he does. when he starts touching the bars and avoiding eye contact i just- why, teh why?????

moving on, i’m thinking there’s prob more to that scene that we don’t know about bc jai’s shifty like that...but it’s purpose is also to shift teh’s perception of jai. before this, he pretty much just saw jai as his friend and mentor, but seeing him kiss someone else pushes him to think of jai in another less platonic light. like the first spark of attraction.

the both of them go to see the mime show (babymime), and i know that the point of this is so teh can learn to just feel and let go the way that the mimes in this play do, but idk it’s just kind of funny to me the contrast between the last scene and this one. 

the leg touching scene again but this time with teh and jai...thanks, i hate it :/// 

teh’s already feeling like he and oh-aew’s interests are making them drift apart, so by connecting with jai, it’s that initial feeling of attraction that he used to feel with oh-aew all those years ago. jai is that cool senior that he respects...he’s goal-oriented and has so much in common with him (in a way that he feels that oh-aew doesn’t anymore), so it doesn’t altogether surprise me that teh latches onto jai in this way. esp when all their conversations revolve around what teh’s most passionate about, and what dreams they’re striving towards in the future.

it doesn’t surprise me bc teh’s affections shifted in a similar way from tarn to oh-aew when he was first starting to realise his feelings for oh-aew too (though at least he and tarn were never officially dating during that time...)

there’s a genuineness to the way teh praises and encourages jai that isn’t there when he’s doing the same to oh-aew :( and that coupled with teh lying to oh-aew about him having dinner with jai while oh-aew is at home, completely oblivious, painstakingly photoshopping his boyfriend’s face on the poster of the play TO HELP TEH instead of doing his own uni work, makes me so fucking upset for oh-aew.

it’s interesting to see how different their personalities are even when it comes to something as simple as the way they read their texts. oh-aew is so ready to accept whatever teh tells him at face value, but teh overthinks everything to the point where he jumps to a certain conclusion in his head about it instead.

but yeah, it’s just really tough to see oh-aew try so hard for teh, only to see teh do nothing back for oh-aew in return. there’s only so much one side can give. it’s the absolute lack of effort on teh’s part to even try to make things work with oh-aew that is the most frustrating thing of all. oh-aew is carrying their entire relationship rn and it makes me feel all “and for what?? why should he even bother??” about it.

sneaking to sit at the river with jai is like this forbidden, new experience, so it just enhances that feeling of attraction that teh is already feeling towards jai. and esp when he starts telling him about his previous relationship with james, the significance of the plum wine, and how jai ended up breaking up with him. since it’s reflective of teh’s own experiences atm (even in how he kind of self-sabotages himself to push people/oh-aew away first), he clearly takes it to heart. and it makes him want to do an even better job since the play is an autobiographical one for jai. not to mention, teh supposedly being the only one that jai told his story to makes him feel ‘special’......and we all know how teh likes feeling as though he’s special to someone. you can see it in how dejected he is when he thinks jai only told him his story bc he wanted him to get into character better, but perks up the moment jai says he actually told him bc teh’s been doing such a good job (and to encourage him). like i mentioned before, teh’s already feeling vulnerable and isolated from everybody else, so hearing any sort of praise (and esp when it’s from someone that he looks up to as much as jai), is going to pull him in.

when they were hiding from the security guard i was like ughhh i know where this is heading and i. don’t. like. it........

the problem is that i know where teh stands on this. like i know that there’s some attraction on his end. but i don’t know where jai stands. is he intentionally manipulating teh’s feelings for his play? is there any sincerity there? i think it’s obvious that he can tell teh is attracted to him from the glance that they share in this scene, but i can’t get a handle on what he actually wants (which i guess is the point of making his character as mysterious as it is but still). and if he can tell, and he doesn’t actually like teh back in that way, it makes the end scene even more yikes imo.

hmmm teh lying in the pool trying to recreate that feeling right before their first kiss when the both of them just let everything go and sank down into the water. that’s how you KNOW the next scene is supposed to be angsty...bc just like how their first underwater kiss had a sense of sadness to it bc they were hiding, their first (on screen) sex scene has that same sense of sadness, only this time it’s bc teh’s using his attraction to jai/his method actor desire to get into character to fuel the sex instead of bc he genuinely just wants to have sex with oh-aew. and if his reasoning for the sex is bc of that, then his task to recreate their first sexual experience will never live up to the actual first time they had sex (when they BOTH wanted it, and there were no other factors involved).

that’s not to say i don’t think teh doesn’t love oh-aew anymore. i think that there HAS to be some level of love still there amidst all of the confusion, but it feels a lot more like he’s testing his love/attraction to oh-aew during this scene (sort of like how he did with tarn in itsay) than a proper ‘love scene’. like he’s trying to reconfirm his feelings, whilst using oh-aew as inspiration for his role at the same time. it makes my heart ache that this is the first love scene we get from them this series, and it’s marred by the context of what we know is going on in teh’s head. like i said, it’s this permeating sadness throughout...and just knowing that oh-aew has absolutely NO IDEA what’s going on with teh and why he suddenly wants to have sex makes it worse. oh-aew’s been trying to make things work, and in his mind, teh spontaneously coming over like this prob makes him think that things are getting better between them since this is also the closest thing to teh showing any sort of initiative to work on their relationship in this ep so far...

and that’s not also taking away how beautifully this whole scene is shot. i’ve always loved the way that teh and oh-aew play and flirt with each other (bkpp’s chemistry is honestly unparalleled!!) so it was nice to see them be kind of playful before they started kissing again (if you ignore how sad this scene really is). i LOVE the inter-splicing between their first time on the beach and the present. the way the score swells, and little moments where you can see their feet and fingers interlocked on the beach. it gives you such a visceral visual (and totally takes me back to itsay days when that sort of imagery was used a lot more). i just hate that since we know the truth, this scene is more uncomfortable than satisfying despite how nicely shot it is.

i wish we got more domestic moments from them. i know their relationship has sort of grown past those initial moments of flirtation, but it truly makes me sad that we don’t get to see more of them as a couple in general in ipytm. moments like this where they’re lying in bed cuddling each other are so few and far between that i always feel like i have to cherish every little fleeting piece of fluff that i can get. even if idek if this can really be called fluff since the context sort of ruins it.

oh-aew’s still got his heart attack bag :’)))

he was soooooo happy when he met up with his friends 😭 but also, how the hell is it possible for teachers to move deadlines up like that. i FEEL that panic... poor oh-aew...

teh’s in rehearsals again and this time he’s wearing his moon shirt which...i do NOT need those ep 3 itsay vibes rn when i was already dreading this last ten minutes with everything i have in me :((( but anyway, jai’s brought plum wine to class and we know that teh doesn’t usually drink, but he does this time. he tells teh that the taste will change over time (it symbolises the ageing of the relationship process), and teh says it’s a pity he won’t get to taste it next time since jai wants to go abroad to study. then teh tells him he’s worked on the acting exercise and wants to try it out with jai, and i feel like we all knew where it was going to go from here.........

they really had to hammer it in with him missing oh-aew’s call too huh :/

as soon as they started the touching/intimacy exercise again i was just waiting for the catch. even on this rewatch i’m still sitting here chanting “don’t do it teh don’t do it” knowing full well that he kisses jai and there’s no changing that. but then when they cut to oh-aew walking up the stairs with the posters and you hear just how much time he’s sacrificed to help teh/jai on this...sacrificing time EVEN NOW just to go over to their uni to give them the posters when he has a presentation due tomorrow that he and his friends still haven’t finished working on...it’s just heartbreaking knowing what he’s going to end up walking in on.

whether it’s itsay or ipytm, teh’s default state is confusion. so while i think that there’s a certain amount of attraction towards jai there of course, i kind of get the feeling that he’s confusing his feelings of connection with jai (bc of their shared interests and passion) with him falling in love with jai. i feel like his attraction to jai reminds him of what it was like when he was first attracted to oh-aew, and since things have changed so much between him and oh-aew, it’s like he wants to recreate and capture that feeling again with jai (which is also why he wears the moon shirt...he wore that during itsay ep 3 beach scene, which was the moment when the attraction really started to burn between him and oh-aew). he can’t feel that same spark with oh-aew anymore, so he transfers his feelings to jai since, at this point in time, he feels closer to jai than anyone else. instead of growing alongside oh-aew, it’s like he’s choosing to revert back to a time when he was happier.

we know that teh has always been the type of person that will act on his impulses when he feels them. that’s WHY it was so hard to watch...bc i knew while watching that last scene, he was never going to restrain himself or put a stop to those feelings bleeding over into action. and esp not when it could benefit him in some way with his acting too.

in the end, it just makes me so devastated for oh-aew. and i really hope that he doesn’t let this go bc he thinks it’s just teh method acting or getting into character or whatever...i know that teh’s feeling a lot of conflicting things rn, but that’s not an excuse. he really fucked this one up.

the thing is, it’s not that i don’t think teh is capable of acting this way (i’ve seen a few people say that this is ooc for him, but it really isn’t? this confusion and impulsiveness has always been a part of his character from the very start...he was always the one that had the most trouble dealing with his feelings out of the two of them), but the time skips don’t do him any favours bc we lose all those moments that take him to what he’s currently feeling. when we don’t have those moments, then it’s a lot harder to sympathise with him. in itsay, bc we always knew how teh got from point a to point b, even if he did frustrating/silly things, i always understood where he was coming from. i always felt for him. i GOT his struggles, which was why i was always able to empathise with what he was going through. in ipytm, he just comes off as unlikeable bc of how superficial his feelings seem (from what we’re being shown on screen at least).

falling out of love with your significant other/starting to feel things for someone else is obv a fairly common experience, so i don’t blame teh for FEELING like this, but it’s how he treats oh-aew throughout this that doesn’t sit right with me. even if you feel like you’re falling out of love with someone, or that they’ve changed since the first time you fell in love with them, you’d think there’d be some motivation to at least TRY to make things work with them before giving up. we never see that from teh at all. instead, he just see him becoming infatuated with jai (so we barely see teh/oh-aew together in the first place). and while i can see now that a lot of this is due to his own insecurities and inadequacies, it’s also just so disrespectful to oh-aew who's the one that we see putting in all this time and effort (it calls back to their whole “don’t give my time to others” scene in itsay bc we see oh-aew giving so much of his time to teh through helping him out with his play, while teh’s giving that time that should be for oh-aew to jai now). no matter his reasoning, watching teh act that way towards oh-aew does make it increasingly hard to root for him. there’s just too big a disparity in how the two of them choose to act and devote their time to their relationship.

what’s frustrating is that in itsay, teh would fuck up but he would always try to make amends with oh-aew in some way. he would always come forward to try to sort things out after...but there’s nothing here. even after their dinner fight in ep 2, it’s OH-AEW that reaches out to him first (even though it’s teh’s fault that they fought in the first place). where’s that boy that dressed up in his old school uniform in order to talk to oh-aew at his school? or made a whole chinese idioms scrapbook for oh-aew? or gave up his uni admission for oh-aew? i understand that characters and motivations change (and he was obv hopped up on his first love with oh-aew at the time), but it’s just really, really sad to see teh keep messing up and not even try to meet oh-aew halfway with this. yes, you can fuck up, but there are only so many times you can keep fucking up before it starts to look more like a pattern of shitty behaviour than a few forgivable missteps.

another issue is that there’s been so much focus on teh and his flaws that a lot of the time oh-aew comes off as a side character to teh’s story. previously, i understood that since teh was grappling with his sexuality. it made sense that his journey was the primary focus of the plot and character development. but i always felt that there was more room to explore oh-aew’s story (and i thought that we would get a lot more of that in ipytm...esp after ep 1), but it just feels like we kind of skimmed past all of oh-aew’s growth and struggles adjusting to bangkok/uni life so we could turn the attention back to teh again. i just hate that we never get to see more of how oh-aew’s changed in teh’s eyes (other than the surface level things like his hair, new car and major), and that we never get to see more of oh-aew’s life when it’s not related to teh in general. i hope that we’ll get more of oh-aew in the last two eps, but i really don’t know what they’ll give us anymore.

at this point, i don’t even want them as endgame anymore given everything that’s happened in the recent ep. and it pains me so much to say that bc teh/oh-aew are so immensely important to me, but they’re just in such different places in life. and teh esp has so much more growing to do (i think i said this last week too? teh...). oh-aew deserves to be with someone that can see his worth as he is (that won’t cheat on him for one!!). i just want him to be with someone that can make him happy. what i wanted most for them out of this was for the two of them to grow to a better place (together and as individuals), and while i still want that for them as individuals, it’s hard for me to want them to be happy together anymore. at least for the time being.

i’m kind of at a loss for how they’re gonna work through this (and i genuinely want oh-aew to be able to explore his options too...particularly with someone that will actually treat him better than teh’s treating him atm). so at this point it’s kind of looking to me like a break up is inevitable? but i do think it’s necessary  for both of them rn. i feel so heartbroken about it though...like ipytm is actually making ME go through the breakup...breaking up with all my beloved itsay teh/oh-aew memories :((( anyway, i think a break up is also conveniently the best time to put a time skip tbh...so we’ll see if that does end up happening now in future eps.

this one took such a long time to write up bc i wrote like a quarter of this RIGHT after i finished watching the ep (so you can clearly tell which parts were me right after the ep, and which parts were me after i had some time to sit on what happened 😂), but i thought it was best to take a bit of a break. i didn’t rewatch it again until i calmed down a little and sorted out my thoughts some more (though i know this is still pretty messy). but yeah, i’m still very much interested in watching how they things are going to progress from here...but i can’t deny how sad i’ve been feeling after this.

[knightofameris]

naturally — sugawara koushi

✎ gender. uhm neutral? ✎ contains. mutual pining, childhood friends, reader is a manager, also reader has a lot of anxiety when it comes to relationships, not beta read ✎ wc. 1.6k

✎ summary. the time you were thankfully wrong in your assumptions.

✎ ameris’ notes. i came back just to post this because this is my favorite piece I’ve written so far on this blog i think. also noticed many writers deactivating ;—; and just a lack of content (esp for suga). i was originally going to post this when i came back fully along with everything else but this is fine. (i will reply to all messages later <3 thank you everyone for your kind words)

also tried a different writing style for this,,,

i hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it. ♡ 

previous title: i thought we already were [i still suck at titles this might still change]

You couldn’t help but slam your head against your desk. Ennoshita sighed at your predicament when it came to the crush you had on your upperclassman, Sugawara Koushi. Except, to you he was so much more. Not in just the fact that he was your crush but he’s been someone you’ve known for almost your entire life. 

“What if he doesn’t like me, Ennoshita,” you cried into your arms, not able to take the heartbreak that could come with Sugawara rejecting your feelings and your 10+ year friendship turning to dogshit. 

Ennoshita tapped his fingers against the desk, “I don’t think he’d break off your friendship just like that even if he didn’t. And if he doesn’t like you I personally give you permission to murder myself and-or Tanaka, your choice.” 

In a different class at the time, Tanaka sneezed in the middle of eating his sandwich. 

At this point, Ennoshita, and every other club member, was tired. Even Sugawara would shrug when Daichi asked him in the clubroom what was going on between him and you. Asahi, the one who was possibly the most oblivious when it came to people pining for another, was even frustrated at how the two of you would dance around each other. 

“Why don’t you just ask them out?” Asahi asked Sugawara. In the middle of changing, Sugawara stopped in thought, his shirt barely on. 

“Hmm, I don’t want to ask them before they’re ready,” Sugawara answered simply, sliding his shirt on over his head. 

It was a rough life being friends with both you and Sugawara. 

It was sort of sweet though, no? The fact that Sugawara wanted to wait till you were ready. He knew about your anxieties when it came to relationships. It wasn’t that your past relationships were bad, per se, but rather any time you’d enter one the anxieties just came through. Sometimes it’d be insecurities or suddenly the red flags would pop up. It was as if entering the relationship made you realize how much of a terrible person the other was. 

You didn’t want that for Koushi. So he’d wait, wait till you’re comfortable to talk things out. But he will admit that it is maybe a little frustrating some days. 

Especially, especially, the days when you’re closer than usually. Physically. Emotionally.

Some days you’d find yourself lying in Koushi’s bed after finishing a bit of homework. He’d be sitting on the floor at the table, still working the last few problems. You’d both have a small conversation, something to fill the room while he finished up. Then he’d crawl into bed, next to you. 

“Just like when we were kids, right?” He’d grin at you, and you couldn’t help the way you felt your cheeks heat up. 

“Yeah, just like when we were kids,” you’d reply and reach out for his hands, shifting to lay on your side. Koushi doing the same and inching even closer to you. He’d bring your hands up to chest level, playing with your fingers just like he’d do when the two of you were younger. 

And then the two of you would fall asleep. His arm draped over your waist, pulling you close into his chest with your legs tangled with his. 

You always fell asleep last, always so anxious about the whole ordeal. It’s different sleeping and cuddling together when you’re older compared to when you were both younger. 

When you were younger it was just platonic feelings. And now that you’re both older and know about romantic feelings, well, something bloomed between the two of you. 

Before you’d fall asleep you’d stare up at his soft face, your fingers slightly hovering over his face and especially over the beauty mark that you loved so much. He was no longer embarrassed about it like he used to be (because of you and your adoration for it). Then your hand would return back to resting on his chest and you’d nuzzle your head into him as well. 

Koushi’s breathing always soothed you; it was deep and heavy. Always peaceful as you watched his chest rise and fall. You nuzzled your face into him even deeper if it was possible, your fingers lightly tapping against his sturdy chest. 

He smelled a bit like lavender. It was subtle, sweet and calming. There were a few other scents too but they weren’t overbearing and never quite lingered in your nose like the lavender scent. And whenever you think about him, you just think of Koushi’s lavender scent as well as how he smelled like home. 

Home. 

Yeah, being with him felt like home. Even when—no—especially when your own home didn’t feel like home. You felt comfortable with him, like it was you and him versus the world. This felt natural, normal. 

The lingering glances, the subtle touches. 

I think it was safe to say that you’re in love. You felt stupid for saying so, even thinking so. You are in high school, barely seventeen as a second year. People would always cringe when high schoolers said they were in love. 

But no one can invalidate your feelings. Only you knew what you felt and no one could say otherwise. 

You’re in love with Sugawara Koushi and it didn’t scare you. 

You’re in love with Sugawara Koushi and it comforted you. 

You knew him better than you knew yourself and you were sure he felt the same about you, knowing you well, I mean. You still weren’t sure if he returned your feelings. 

That’s how you found yourself outside his house, standing in front of him. Sugawara stared at you, head tilted with confusion since usually the two of you would just head in to get started on homework. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his hand reaching for yours. He called out for you again, your name gracing his lips. His thumb rubbed small circles on the back of your hand and you looked down off to the side, scared and unsure. 

“I-uhm,” your heart felt like it was going to leap out of your throat. Speaking was hard, and god you don’t think you could stare up at him while you confessed your feelings. 

Rip it off like a bandaid. Just rip it off like a bandaid. Just. Rip it off! LIKE A—

With closed eyes and your hand clasping around his, you stuttered out, “I-I-uh-I really like you Koushi! It’s-It’s fine if you don’t, y’know, feel the same. I just-I just had to tell you.” 

You pursed your lips and the small caresses on the back of your hand stopped. Good thing you planned to do this before entering into his house. Now you could just book it home. But then he laughed and his hand holding yours tightened back before you could run off; as if he knew you were going to do so. 

You just confessed to Sugawara Koushi and he’s laughing. You felt like crying, honestly. 

But Koushi was laughing because he was relieved. Relieved that he didn’t have to hold back anymore, that he no longer had to wait. Koushi had wanted you to make the first move because he already knew you liked him. He just wanted you to feel comfortable enough with your feelings before anything else happened. 

All of the soft touches, the cuddling, the approaching you from behind and hugging you as you do manager work, Koushi let happen naturally. Because they were natural. It’s not like you didn’t do it back. 

Whenever he’d be on break, drinking water he’d find your arms wrapped around his torso no matter how sweaty he was. Or on bus rides to practice matches or to the Sendai gym for games the two of you would sit next to each other and one of you would always fall asleep with your head resting against the other’s shoulder. 

And you know, maybe Koushi was partially laughing at the fact that you couldn’t tell he likes you back. He thought it was obvious at least. 

“Wh-what are you laughing about Koushi!” You pouted, tears slightly gathering at the corner of your eyes out of anxiety and fear of rejection. 

“No, no, nothing bad, you’re so cute,” he sighed out, a smile apparent on his face as he took a step closer to you. “It’s just that-” he gestures with his free hand back and forth between you and himself “-I thought you knew I liked you. Because I knew you liked me. And with how we’ve been cuddling and—”

“Ah!” You shouted, lightly hitting his chest with your free hand. He let out an ‘oof’ before you placed your head against his chest out of embarrassment. You felt his chest reverberate as he laughed, his other hand coming up to rest on the top of your head, his fingers drawing soothing circles on your scalp. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked, your voice muffled against his chest. Koushi sighed, the corners of his lips tugging upwards. 

“I thought we already were, y’know, together? I just wasn’t too sure,” Koushi replied. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable either. Wanted to wait till you were comfortable.”

“What if I never was?”

“I’d wait forever then.” 

You huffed against his chest, wrapping your other arm around him, the hand holding his tightening. Koushi set his arm around your back, pulling you in closer as he turned to place his cheek against your head. 

“You’re cheesy, Kou.” y

“Only for you.” He turned his head to kiss the crown of yours before laying his cheek against you once more. “Now let’s go inside, get some homework done and cuddle some more.��

“I hate you.” 

Koushi hummed, being the first to pull away, holding your hand tightly to walk towards his house, “Whatever you say. I know you don’t.” 

✎ ameris’ notes. a scene straight from my and my friends’ self-ship AU that I thought could work well as a reader-insert LOL. shifted it around so that their characters (themself?) don’t appear. actually well, it’s not really straight from it. i haven’t written this part in the AU but i wanted to write it anyway hahdfkjhakjfh LOL i tried my best not to make reader too much like myself, i only used part of the reason for relationship anxiety of mine looool. 

[trvelyans-archive]

i am on my hands and knees begging for u to tell me about lila and margot 🙏

jasmine.............. thank you for this gift

under the cut because i expect it’ll get very long <3 :) update after i finished writing: it is, in fact, very long and also took me over an hour. so. take that as whatever sort of warning you might want.

let’s start with margot !

she was born to a couple of really young parents who..... did not want to be parents. at all. they were still in the party-and-get-drunk phase of their life and didn’t want to have a kid to worry about, so a large part of her childhood was spent couch surfing between relatives, mostly her grandfather.

they were really close! he would help her with her homework, they would cook together, he would let her drink underage so that she was well-versed in beer by the time she was like. idk. 16 lol. but she felt closer to him than her own parents, who were good when they were around but. they mostly weren’t around <3

when she was 19, her grandpa starting showing pretty serious signs of memory loss and whatnot and eventually had to be moved into a home. she was living with him by that point, so she had to continue to spend a year or so of her adult life couchsurfing. it didn’t help that she was in school full-time to get an engineering degree of. some kind. i think mechanical engineering. idk. and didn’t have a job, so to pay back her roommates she took up a majority of the housework as well as picked up odd jobs on the weekend. her grandpa’s health continued to decline through this time so she didn’t actually mind being busy because then she. didn’t have to think about it at all <3

and then.............. when she was 20......... her boyfriend of a year  suggested that she not only move in with him but that they get married and margot, who has never had stability ever in her life, jumped at the opportunity !

after she graduated, she found it incredibly hard to find a career (even though they were in the same program and He had no trouble finding one), so she was back to not working but her husband didn’t mind and he supported her whole-heartedly. during this time she started running and then eventually started going to a gym with a couple of her female friends from their neighbourhood! she would also spend a lot of time at her grandpa’s but his health was still rapidly declining. eventually her now-husband said that she should probably stop visiting him and margot was like “.... ok i guess”

And then. :)

she kept spending time outside of the house and started taking self-defense classes with a few of her friends and her husband was started to get very antsy. he wanted her to be at home, told her that he didn’t like her going out at night or, eventually, at all, and would find ways to keep her home every night so she didn’t go out. during this time he also started getting. um. very manipulative. he was easily triggered into starting arguments. so she increased the frequency of her self-defense classes and, eventually, they became Very Useful in an argument with her husband. so. we hate him :)

after that she filed for a divorce, moved away and changed her name to her late grandmother’s last name. she started working at a gym in her new town and eventually decided to open her own ! she had gotten the building about 2-3 weeks before the outbreak hit and didn’t have any furniture or equipment of any kind, so she met up with 2 middle-aged women from her old gym and they travelled together until one of them was bitten in a fight with walkers and dragged into a big crowd of them to be eaten and the other one was bitten and margot had to shoot her when she got zombified and tried to attack. :(

that’s where i have left off for now but i am going to develop her More the more i watch the show !!!

okay. backstory over. now for the fun bits:

her faceclaim is mackenzie davis specifically in terminator (without the. lines on her arms and whatever idk what those are) and this picture is the most margot-vibe imaginable.

the haircut was an incredibly recent choice but it came in handy during the outbreak because she didn’t have to worry about keeping hair out of her face. girlboss !

she is 6′2 :) her and her husband were funnily enough the 2 tallest people in her graduating class

she spoke occasionally to her parents after graduating and moving away but they fell out of touch a year or so before the outbreak began and she......................... unsurprisingly doesn’t miss them at all

she has 1 keepsake and it’s an old keychain of her grandpa’s and if anything happens to it. she will kill everyone in any room and Then herself !!!

she likes to where tank tops to show off her big arms. is this very ergonomical in the apocalypse where zombie bites can kill you instantly ? nope! will she do it anyway to intimidate people ? yup!

she Cannot cook. at all. she lived off of take-out and microwavable meals for the first 20 years of her life and then she always had someone else making food for her until she moved away on her own when it was back to takeout.

on the topic of food :) her fave foods are mac and cheese with breadcrumbs and meatlover’s pizza !

she will do literally anything for a good beer. anything. she keeps an eye out for them every time she goes scavenging in buildings and will try to get at least 1 bottle per trip. girlboss !

she cannot sing. in fact she’s not just average, she’s Terrible. she can, however, play mad guitar because her grandpa taught her.

now onto miss lila :)

she was born in a town a couple over from rick’s and was the younger sister of 2 ! she had a really great family and a very very happy childhood :) her dad was a wildlife rehabilitator and her mom was a landscaper who took a lot of pride in their nice big backyard and garden and Land where they. you know. rehabiliated the wildlife and what not

she worked a lot with her dad and mom at their wildlife centre and also helped her mom garden a lot (their house was on the same property as the centre so it was a nice big plot of land). she took a lot of interest in rehabilitating animals and it sparked a very early childhood interest in Caring for things (namely little wild critters) which extended to her helping out little kids on the playground when they got scraped knees and things. she always had a package of bandaids in her backpack from second grade on. an angel <3

in her final year of high school she had a very quick fling with a boy from her high school that ended… poorly. and then she got pregnant! which she. Did not expect. nor want. nor need in her life because she was planning on moving to atlanta to go to medical school and kickstart her career. her sister, who had recently dropped out of school and lost her job, decided to Take One for the team and claim the baby as hers so lila could go to medical school and stuff. their parents promised to take good care of her and they all made a plan to hide lila’s pregnancy from their town (although i’m sure literally everyone knows anyway) and then she moved away in the summer after giving birth to go to school

she quickly finished up her nursing program but was out of job for a few years until she got a job offer to be the nurse at king county elementary school aka the school were one Carl Grimes goes to school. she moved there in may and one night, when her car Squealed to a stop in front of a dog who had run away from his home and was being chased by. Um. a certain sheriff’s deputy who was intending on bringing the puppy back home <3 they got to talking and. Well. the rest is history…..

she was a very beloved member of the staff and kids would often fake sick just to come to her office and get a sucker and she grew esp close to the grimes family :D after a couple of years living in king county she got a job to start working at some fancy prep school in atlanta and decided that actually she might want to. You know. start being a mom now that she was finished with school and had a career. so she moved away from king county at the end of the next school year and was unfortunately in atlanta when it was bombed by the government at the start of the outbreak so she and her daughter and sister all died :) and that’s that !

some fun facts because that was a very depressing end to her story:

she always has suckers in her office at school and her favourites are the watermelon ones.

she can often be found gardening in her backyard or watching the birds in the trees like a little nature baby !!!

she is very meticulous about planning. she Does have a daily agenda. she Will kill you if you touch it. shane likes to leave her little notes in it for her to find when she’s at school. sometimes they are not Just cute. she usually erases those.

she likes collecting ugly thrift store paintings of animals and hangs them up in her dining room and she Does think they are incredibly funny.

she is a vegetarian !!! very unwavering about it. shane finds it annoying because he’s good at cooking steak but she just has a salad and then they’re both perfectly happy <3

sends basically everyone she knows a Christmas/holiday card every year. even the teachers at the elementary school who don’t like her and or barely talk to her !!!

she is a terrible maker of tea and usually forgets about cups before she’s even halfway through them (thank god for her). makes everyone tea when they come over except shane (stupid ass) because he doesn’t like it and usually people just politely swallow it even though it’s too steeped or. sorry idk how tea works. she just Makes It Bad ok

she perpetually forgets to do laundry. Most of her non-scrubs have dirt stains or dressing stains or whatnot (except for her Really nice clothes) which is why she tries to buy a lot of patterns. makes things easier to hide <3

and that’s it for now !!! i have so much other lore for them but i will stop here for now :) thank you very much if you read this also i’m very sorry i have twd brainworms i cannot help it. anyway ok that’s it thanks love you bye

[barrendome]

the 2b2t survival guide

are you planning to play on 2b2t? have you been playing but can’t seem to get out of spawn? or have you been waiting 12 hours in queue to no avail?

in that case, have i got some stuff for you! heres a handy guide about how to actually play, and some tips to help along the way!

step one: preparing

you can just hop right in and go, but it is smart to know a bit beforehand.

know what you're getting into. the server has no rules to it, so you just have to expect a fuckton of disgusting shit, slurs, etc. just kinda accept that, and ignore it.

get a hacked client. sure, you can play on vanilla, but doing that will make your life harder. the best client to use is impact, but if you really need to you can download wurst instead.

make a plan. although this is optional, its smart to do. you can just wing it if you wanna, but it’s helpful to have a goal for what you wanna do in the server.

step two: queue

queue is basically inevitable, but there are a few things you can do to make the wait less painful!

decide if you want priority. priority queue is a godsend, it takes 30 min at MOST to join the server! but on the other hand, its 20 dollars per month. if you’re planning on playing for a long time and dedicating lots of time to playing? get priority. if you just wanna check the server out? don’t worry about buying it.

join when nobody else would. the best times i’ve found are near 1-3am, or on a weekday in early mornings. you’ll still have to wait hours, but not as long as you would otherwise.

pray for a server restart. when it restarts, turn on auto-reconnect (if you have that) or just keep on trying to connect. you’ll get onto the server extremely quick if you’re able to join right after a restart.

do something else. multitasking is the best way to wait. leave queue running in the background and check on it whenever you can, but fill your time with other stuff. i usually draw or watch videos when waiting!

step three: common sense

you gotta use normal common sense, but also server-unique common sense.

remember: there are no rules. people are going to kill you. people are going to grief you. people are going to say gross shit. the worst kinds of people are here on the server, you have to accept that.

what you build is gonna go. no matter how nice it looks, how far out it is, how tiny it is, whatever. its how 2b2t works. when you build, you have to remember that its going to get destroyed one day.

you aren’t safe. no matter how far away you are, or how nice that one person is. don’t get lulled into feeling secure, stay on edge. better safe than sorry.

enderchests are your friend. you’re definitely gonna die, several times, so keep any important things in your enderchest. for more space, put everything into shulker boxes and store the boxes in your enderchest. this is why silk touch pickaxes are something you’ll need: because your enderchest is the only safe place for your items.

signs are the best communication. carry a sign with you, and read all the signs you find. its not important, but its fun to read what people write, and its nice to make your own mark on the world with just a simple sign.

don’t trust anyone. or at least, be cautious of everyone. if you run into someone, expect deaths, and be cautious even if they give you stuff.

you aren’t special. oh, so you watched a bunch of fit videos and know everything about the server? no you don’t, shut up. you’re gonna spam things in chat and grief a bunch of builds to become a notable player? you’re gonna become a minor annoyance, shut up. you read this guide and now know how to become the best 2b2t player ever? my guide is shit, shut up.

everyone hates new players. don’t openly say you’re new. just stick to yourself for the first while of joining.

step four: chat

so you’ve joined, and you connect to see.. the constant spam of chat.

hide the chat. go into settings, and turn chat off. usually chat isn’t worth looking at, except for warning about server restarts. if you wanna keep chat on, just turn down the opacity.

use /ignore. theres bots constantly flooding the chat, so if you wanna keep chat on, spend time quickly ignoring all the bots.

don’t ask for help. you do not wanna let everybody know you’re new, and if you don’t get ignored, people will send gross shit or fake help instead.

if you have a question, ask google. like the point above, asking for help isn’t a good option. search stuff up on google or the 2b2t subreddit before asking chat. and try not to ask obvious questions either.

don’t get into arguments. don’t rile people up or argue, its kinda risky, and again some bad shit will get sent your way. its really not worth it. if you get angry at some gross shit people are saying, just /ignore them, because fighting them will make you just a laughing stock.

step five: escaping spawn

i know what you’re thinking, “tumblr user barrendome! stop rambling and just tell me how to actually PLAY now!”, and yeah yeah, okay, i will.

turn your hacks on. what i’d suggest is turning on storage esp, player esp/tracers, search (search for blocks like melons, crops, wood, etc), and things like that. also keep xray and freecam ready, and make sure you set keybinds for those.

collect, store, die, repeat. i never did this, but my boyfriend did, and it worked incredibly well. he would collect as many resources as he could, store them in an enderchest whenever he saw one, and then either die of hunger or something else. he’d repeat this process until he had enough stuff in his enderchest to get him out of spawn.

save your hunger bar. try not to run, and try not to jump. its hard, but its important. most deaths are from hunger in the first while of playing, so just try not to get hungry. for this exact reason, the main thing you’re looking for is food.

don’t go into the nether right away. spawn nether is impossible to get out of, so travel on the overworld for about 2000 blocks, and then its safe(ish) to go into the nether.

20000 blocks is the safer zone, but its still spawn territory. outside of 50000 blocks is when id consider making a base if you really need to, but try to go much farther if you can. 

step six: just outside of spawn

so you’re out of the major spawn area... now what?

find food, farm food. get as much food as you can, thats the most important thing to do at this moment. make sure you have as much food as you could need, and store some in your enderchest.

make a temporary base. you can make a small house, a hole, or even just a dirt hut. just make sure you have a place to store all your extra stuff, and a place to stay for now. (sidenote, don’t put a nether portal right beside your house.)

find a bed. later on, beds aren’t a big deal, but at first they definitely are. try to find or make a bed, and set your spawn somewhere. i’d suggest hiding the bed somewhere near your temporary base, but don’t make it visible.

get geared up. use your xray and get some diamonds, look through dungeons for enchanted books, make yourself tools, etc. its best to get what you need now that you’re out of spawn.

go fishing. you can get food, enchanted books, xp, etc. going fishing is actually super useful. the autofish hack is your friend right now. but don’t go afk when fishing, you can get kicked for it.

remember the nether highway myth. if you have almost nothing, and are travelling on the nether highways, there’s a good chance a high-level player could stumble upon you, take pity, and give you stuff. remember not to trust anyone right away, they could still end up killing you. but there is still a chance that being on the highways could get you everything youd ever need. again, though, make sure to put everything in your enderchest!

step seven: planning and playing.

im ready! ..what do i do now?

make a goal if you haven’t already. if you wanna be a nomad? plan where you’re gonna wander. if you’re gonna make a huge base? plan where to build it and go out there. if you’re gonna go visit monuments? figure out which ones and their coordinates, and start walking. gonna join a group? figure out which one would be safe and fun to join, and try to get in.

get as far from spawn as possible. unless you wanna stay near spawn, try and get 100,000 blocks away or further. and if you really wanna keep a base intact, don’t stay near any of the major highways.

have fun! as rough this server can be to play on, theres a lot of cool stuff you can find, and its important to find joy in the chaos.

and that’s all for now!

i may have forgotten things, so feel free to send me anything i missed! but i hope that everything i was able to write down will be enough to help anybody that wants to join 2b2t.org, the oldest anarchy server on minecraft!

[chiefavenuewerewolf]

5 Star Cinema Garden Grove

All Theatres Starlight Terrace Cinemas, Rancho Palos Verdes, CA Starlight Whittier Village, Whittier, CA Starlight Cinema City Theatres, Anaheim, CA Starlight West Grove Cinemas, Garden Grove, CA Starlight Triangle Square Cinemas, Costa Mesa, CA Starlight Dos Lagos 15, Corona, CA.

Reviews 14

ST

Steven Crow

Garden Grove features a number of movie theaters, but Starlight Cinemas always offers convenient show times and a great movie selection. Bring the whole family to this theater, where kiddos are welcomed with open arms.Patrons can park in a lot near Starlight Cinemas or take advantage of the generous street parking. Whatever you're in the mood for, Starlight Cinemas has.

All Theatres Starlight Terrace Cinemas, Rancho Palos Verdes, CA Starlight Whittier Village, Whittier, CA Starlight Cinema City Theatres, Anaheim, CA Starlight West Grove Cinemas, Garden Grove, CA Starlight Triangle Square Cinemas, Costa Mesa, CA Starlight Dos Lagos 15, Corona, CA.

Enjoy the latest movies at your local Regal Cinemas. Regal Garden Grove features stadium seating, digital projection, mobile tickets and more! Favorite place to go to the movies. Using the card is the best program. It really helps senior citizens. Everyone is always.

Garden Grove Cinema - Deals in Garden Grove, CA Groupon. Cinema deals in Garden Grove, CA: 50 to 90% off deals in Garden Grove. AMC DINE-IN Fullerton 20. AMC Anaheim GardenWalk 6. Active: 2019-11-22.

Please read this oneI don’t usually write reviews but the experience me and my wife had is unbelievable My wife was in a car wreck on 1-24-15 and hurt her back but still wanted to see a movie for Valentine’s day 2-14-15 so I got the tickets and went I asked the lady at the door if my wife could Just sit on bench until movie time and she got a bad attitude problem with me so I asked to see The manager she came out and I told her about the problem she seemed like she didnt care at all. But she finally let my wife sit then all we heard was laughing and giggling from them made my wife feel very bad and very uncomfortable we left and won’t be back ever.By the way me and my daughter usually go to the movies there at least once a week sometimes twice a week and have been going there for almost four years now and the guy’s that work there on the weekdays are great very kind and never any Problems at all.

BR

Brian Bergström

Was happy with the pricing of the movies here. First run movies at discounted prices. The theaters are small, but comfortable. I first saw a movie here in 1987 and it hasnt changed much, except the technology.What disappointed me were the lights that never turn off and when the movie starts nobody closes the doors (I went to the back and closed the doors myself, nothing I could do about the lights). How can one really enjoy a movie theater experience with lights in the ceiling shining down in your eyes.I came here for 3D, because ONLY the Dolby Digital 3D works for me, the crappy RealD 3D doesnt work nearly as well. Then as it turned out the movie I wanted to see was not being shown in 3D at all.I would go back again, but probably sit more towards the front away from the spotlights and open doors.

PA

Pat Butterfield

5 Star Cinema Garden Grove Ca

This place and staff has always given me a pleasurable experience and have gone on various days and times for the last 5yrs Even going during regular hours/days but frequent the senior/family days & hours. Been there during peak hrs & always someone at doors ready to go in and clean soon as a movie is over. Cant go to the Regals or Edwards and the like for top movies popcorn and drinks for the same price or less than what others charge just to get in the doors! Too bad Steve Crow had a bad experience, I have never seen or heard of such a thing all the times Ive gone. Im even greeted & asked where my friend is when I go alone. And acknowledged when Ive not been seen for awhile! Local theaters always best over commercial places anytime!

A

A Private User

I see a lot of people complaining about the employees and the seats and screens. Download blackberry handheld software for 8520. I have never had a problem with any of the employees. They arent really friendly, but have never been rude to me or any of my kids. Sure it s small, but for the value, worth it for me. We could never afford to see a movie otherwise. If you get their saver card, you get a free ticket for every four you buy, even on family night. Plus you get free popcorn and free refills on popcorn and soda. Tip..go early in family nights, you will be in line for a bit, and it will fill up.

WE

Wesley To

Dont be fooled by the price and Starlight brand. This place has almost nothing else in common with other Starlights. No reserved seating. No seats in the center (aisle runs down the middle). Small, dim screen. But the other Starlights (Triangle Square in Costa Mesa, Cinema City in Anaheim) have identical pricing and feature reserved seating, center seats, and larger screens, as well as having more total screens, more seats per screen, and nicer aesthetics. Go to those ones if possible. Those actually deserve the '4 Star' nomenclature.

A

A Private User

5 Star Theater Garden Grove

Hate it. We came to watch sherlock holmes and half way through my lady went to use the restrooms and got kicked out cause the management said she was trying to jump movies. she had the ticket stub and she wasnt trying to jump movie.. she waited out side in the cold. while i was waiting for her to return. finally i went out side to look for her and i was very shocked to find out what had happened.. Never again will we ever come here again. Go some where else management seemed racist..

YA

Yaseng Yann

I go to this theater almost exclusively esp so that we could go bowling before or after a movie: $7 refillable (one time before the movie ends) popcorn, clean theater, good sound system, friendly staff. Prices are catching up to that of UA and Regency..$9/adult is more than at some other places; so we are pulling the reins a tad. Maybe it pays to be a frequent movie pass goer..then again, we should head out to the state parks and outdoors more. Head out and shape up, America!

A

A Private User

i think this is a fantastic bargain to go to the movies in these most difficult of times. the popcorn is great ..the seating is good and the value is fabulous. we try to make it every Tuesday. i found the employees to be professional and courtesy so i suppose everyone has there opinion and mine is that keep the price low and the audiences will come. thanks.

JO

John Taylor

The movie industry is my passion. When I was a teen I loved going to the cinema. This place is comfy, small and a great place to take out your girlfriend. However last time my girlfriend and I went everything was just dirty. Spit bubble gums, popcorn and smelly restrooms. Not a romantic experience at all. I hope they take some actions!

LE

Lexi Buelna

Is this as fancy as Bella Terra? No. But as far as a discount theater is concerned, this is a definite 5 star theater! Everyone has been nothing but polite and friendly. Only 4 movies at a time but, for the price, im willing to wait a while until they change the options! And any theater with $1 hot dogs is fine by me.

JA

JAN VARELA

Awesome new movies. Get the frequent movie goer pass and get free movies and popcorn. CLEAN place and if you go to their site print a FREE popcorn and upgrade to large popcorn & Large drink with refills for $9.00Tuesday & Thursday $4.00 all day.everyday $5.00 until after either 4 or 5:00pm then its $6.00

BR Abs marvel connector types.

Brandon Kheang

Absolutely love this theater, $6 Tuesday, Thursdays, and Sundays every week are an excellent value. Though it may not be as large as the bigger theaters, the movie viewing experience is still very enjoyable, especially given the price. The employees are friendly and the popcorn is delicious

Garden Grove 5 Star Cinema

KA

Karen Taylor

We just moved to the area and we found this theater 'WONDERFUL' and it has a family environment in our neighborhood.The prices are good all doing the week and the popcorn is good and very affordable for us. The staff helpful. We love it there.Thanks,Resident of Buena ParkKaren

AL

Alina Ramirez

Download GarageBand GarageBand is a free music composing app to create music, mixers for free. It's available for Windows 10, 8.1, 7. Step 4: Search for GarageBand in the search bar and click on enter. Step 5: Click on the GarageBand option and start downloading it. Step 6: Once you have downloaded the software, you can use GarageBand on Windows using this iPadian emulator. Alternatives to GarageBand. There are several alternatives that you can try instead of GarageBand. GarageBand 6.0.5 Free Download Secure GarageBand Download Options. Popular Downloads. WinRAR 5.90 Complete support for RAR and ZIP archives! Microsoft PowerPoint 2010 10.1.9 Create and share dynamic presentations. Opera browser 72.0.3815.378 Opera - The fast. Garageband 6.0 5 zip.

Considering that it is a 4 screen theater with regular old school seating, it is nice. The floors arent sticky, the seats arent broken, the restrooms are clean and most importantly..very nice staff. Great place to take my family especially since we are on a very tight budget.

5 Star Cinema Garden Grove

Other organizations

[alessandrapushaw-blog]

With the evidence of this last witness

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Get daily updates directly to your inbox+ SubscribeThank you for subscribing!Earlier today, Record Sport told you how the Ibrox side are considering their legal position after it emerged thousands of their replica shirts are due to go on sale without the club's permission tomorrow.A number of Scotland's leading high street sports shops have been taking deliveries of the club's new look Puma strips throughout the past 24 hours and are ready to start selling the jerseys from in store and online from Thursday morning.(Photo: Tony Nicoletti/Daily Record)But that has come as a surprise to Rangers who say they have no knowledge of any deal between Sports Direct, Puma and other shops Cheap Jerseys china.Greaves Sports confirmed on Twitter that they will not be selling any of the new home, away and third kits until they have discussed the matter with Rangers.The statement on the website read: "Since terminating the IP Licence and Rights Agreement with Rangers Retail Limited, the club has made its best efforts to engage with PUMA on an agreed way forward without the involvement of Sports Direct for the manufacture of replica kits and other merchandise to supporters.Rangers ready to launch legal bid as Mike Ashley prepares to sell the jerseys without club go ahead"During discussions it emerged that PUMA had manufactured some replica kit after receiving purchase orders directly from Sports Direct and without the prior knowledge or agreement of the club and its directors on the Rangers Retail Limited board, Paul Murray and David King."Despite requests to Sports Direct and PUMA we have not been able to ascertain full details of this arrangement or to reconcile it with the commercial contracts that were in place between the club and Rangers Retail Limited.(Photo: SNS)"The club has not been party to discussions on the launch of kit sales by PUMA this week. We were first notified of their intentions after close of business on Friday last week."We are surprised and disappointed by the lack of consultation with the club and/or supporters groups prior to the launch."Mark Warburton's side kick off the new Premiership season at home to Hamilton on Saturday but the players have already been wearing the latest Puma design in summer friendlies and in League Cup action despite its unavailability in the shops.Rangers supporters group, Club 1872, issued their own statement this evening and are urging supporters not to buy any of the kirs no matter what retailer has them on sale."It is absolutely clear from the statement issued by Rangers that the situation regarding official Rangers merchandise has not been resolved to their satisfaction," said Club 1872."As a result we would urge supporters not to purchase the official kit from ANY outlets where it goes on sale.(Photo: Joe Giddens/PA Wire)"It has been clear for some time that Sports Direct continue to treat both our football club and our supporters with utter contempt. It is extremely disappointing to see Puma follow suit by making this season's kit available for sale without reaching a satisfactory agreement with Rangers https://www.cheapjerseys168.com."We have been used to this type of behaviour from Sports Direct and Mike Ashley but it now appears Puma are following suit Cheap Jerseys china.

[warstorys]

season 2 commentary (after 201) i’m sticking to frank-centric stuff but boy! i have so many opinions about everything but i want to focus on frank for the sake of my blog. 

i want my initial thoughts from over the course of the season down first, which is what this is, and then i’m gonna hammer out any canon divergences ... or if i’m even gonna bother with this season’s existence at all apart from amy lol

i’m not ... actually enjoying season two much. there are snatches here and there that i really like, and concepts in here that i think are really tasty, but then the rest of it isn’t sitting right with me and i’m not really enjoying watching it.

the two storylines - amy’s storyline and billy’s storyline - are both impressively weak and the moreso for the fact they don’t cross over at all. the trailer implied these things would be meeting up and marrying together but they don’t and it’s ... i really enjoy the individual characters - amy, curtis and dinah having a tonne of screentime with frank is awesome - but i don’t care for the story itself. it’s weak and disinteresting and crucial things like billy being a fucking fugitive have their important dropped after a couple of episodes and its just, it’s not an interesting season, sharon.

i was really unimpressed with the fight scenes so far but the sequence at the end of 203 finally brought things up ... closer to the standard that i’m used to ... a good use of music meets some impressive shots and a bunch a good atmosphere and for the fights to be well-choreographed, that’s what i want out of Every tps fight and it’s what s1 gave me and i just don’t quite feel that from season two

i don’t think frank is necessarily appreciating how scary he is to a 16 year old girl even if she is a smartass and it’s bugging me a little considering he’s usually pretty good at making girls comfortable and interacting with them ... ? i wouldn’t mind if he just eased up a little. just a drop. just a teeny tiny bit. obviously he does as the season goes on but then he does shit like hold amy at gunpoint and like - not in my canon thanks

“a man's got a right to defend himself and those who can't” is probably my favourite concept because of the way it pivots frank away from vengeance and more towards being a true antihero but here’s the thing — the rest of the season isn’t following through on that? frank’s temperamental and self-destructive - in part because of his tbi - but. i don’t like the direction the season is taking with him, particularly from about mid episode eight onwards. curtis pointing out that frank is very, “he doesn’t want to feel for you because he’s scared of getting hurt ... and he’d rather stay mad at the world than risk being a part of it” is dead on, but ... um ... like, frank unlearning his shit and starting to move on was the entire point of the end of season one. i wanted season two to be about him reconciling that crap whilst finding a way to exist as the punisher, too. i think there’s negative character development and there’s just ... idk, a complete breakdown of frank as a person. i want him to care about himself and the people around him?

frank constantly being an asshole to curtis pisses me off also; “way to go curt” are you serious? curtis doesn’t have to do any of this or be involved in any of this and to my mind ... it doesn’t tally, again, with season one. frank being shitty to curtis literally makes zero sense and makes me so angry. the flip-flopping on this is crazy, too; you can’t have frank treating curtis like shit and then going “yeah you don’t owe me anything” with no apologies in between. i’d rather frank is just, decent to curtis, given that curtis one of his oldest friends and someone he trusts so completely

and i don’t care if s2 tallies w the comics, i’m not writing comics frank

i’m kinda trying to work out how i feel about the kastle stuff; largely i Don’t want frank to keep shutting himself off and acting like he doesn’t or can’t care, but at the same time karen suggesting they just ... run away together was never going to fly. frank can love people and be the punisher and that’s what i want; if people’s lives aren’t compatible with frank’s choices then they need ... to stop. it can’t be all or nothing. frank has to learn how to strike a balance, you can’t ask him to give it all up. and that’s something i appreciate about amy and dinah and curtis? like they know frank can’t just wholesale Stop, even if they’d like him to, so they live with frank as he is, and they (i believe) know their own limits for when they’re done with him.

i feel like ... this whole thing has just culminated in driving everyone away from frank and i might be repeating myself as per previous bullet points but that is the exact opposite of what i want...? i feel like he’s successfully driven curtis away and he pushed karen away and ... they’ve done this thing where, they’re balancing out frank letting some people live, people with families or people who aren’t “worth it”, letting frank’s moral code evolve into protecting the innocent and. yet. he’s just isolating himself? even when he says “i’d do anything for amy” they’re still letting frank be driven apart and isolated and made alone - they send amy away, they sent micro away, curtis is ‘done with frank’, etc - and i don’t ... want that, i’m powerfully disinterested in frank being alone forever. 

uhhhhhh lmao the flash forward at the end of 213 was literally horrible like are you - serious the last shot we have of frank castle is him contextless murdering a bunch of minority youths? you really cannot be real???? FUCK OFF thats so cancelled

whatever i do with this mess of canon, i want the scene where dinah and curtis are napping together on the couch to exist forever. esp with, as amy called it, The Punisher Pity Party, gndfkgfd. just a bunch of people sat around being mad that they love frank castle. what a mood.

finally: why doesn’t netflix/marvel know that curtis hoyle is gay? 

anyway the tl;dr is that i’ll probably toss the majority of season two out of the window because i didn’t like it. and it doesn’t matter anyway bc in a couple of weeks they’ll cancel it ✌️

[burningalight]

my binders/locker in grade school were stuffed with so much shit i couldnt find anything...always crumpled up papers, trash etc

chewed pencils/pens, broke them taking them apart in class, lost them, often didn’t have one, frequently borrowing them and forgetting to give them back to the point that certain people wouldn’t give me pencils

could comprehend reading i liked very well, but when we’d have reading groups with boring books id always be lost,  or when the teachers would have one on ones and have u read something short and ask questions after to assess ur reading level, they’d often have to tell me to read it again bc they knew how much i remembered didnt add up to my intelligence and reading speed 

moms college friend gave me an unoffical iq test and i did much worse than i know i shouldve on the reading portion bc she’d play a story and then ask me after to list every detail i could remember and i couldn’t remember anything. but when she played 10 numbers and asked me to say them out loud backwards i scored extremely high ?

couldnt do projects, would be in tears, last minute every time, parents mad bc i need a poster board RIGHT NOW ITS DUE TOMORROW . hated assigned reading, horrible at essays even when they helped us plan them. 

i remember my 7th grade social studies teacher assigning a paper, i wrote extremely detailed and well in the first paragraph or 2, and the following ones got shorter and shorter and were completely bullshit bc i got bored. she told me ‘really strong first paragraph.’ and gave me a B  

talk too got damn fast. customers constantly telling me to slow down bc they cant understand me

my mom always says she had to challenge me as a kid bc i would get bored and get in trouble. i was acting out bc i was understimulated, i happened to like learning (esp numbers and puzzles) bc smart so that’s what i could fixate on and felt stimulated by

lunch detention frequently in 8th grade in my first highschool class, algebra, bc i wouldnt do my homework, at one point he just stopped giving lunch detention for that bc i wouldnt do it. i hated that class bc the math was boring and i never paid attention but would somehow pull off a’s and b’s on tests so i ended up with a B. my first B, and i had brought that up from a D (told my mom it was almost a C, he gave a really hard test and we all did bad etc, when she had to sign a paper about my low grade) at the end of the year, during the exam i was so confused the whole time, it was my first highschool exam and i didn’t know ANYTHING. i ended up with a 92 from guessing, and a curve, and every one of my friends got at least a 93 or better and i felt so stupid bc i was supposed to be the best at math

i would take every highschool class in honors but not one english class bc it required more essays and summer reading and i knew i wouldnt do the reading and would cry over the essays

the only other class i didnt take honors was chemistry bc i knew the honors teacher had a lot of projects and i would be stressing over them. i ended up with an A in the standard chem class even tho i never finished any work in class and didnt do homework, but i was still the smartest in the class and did the best overall

lunch detention for forgetting to get papers signed like report cards. they weren’t even bad grades i just couldnt remember. one time i got actual detention for forging my moms signature bc i got lunch detention for several days straight bc i kept forgetting to get the paper signed 

often had permission slips waiting to be signed the day before the field trip, or told my mom it was picture day the day before or morning of. one time i totally forgot it was picture day and didnt dress up

acting out and not thinking ab the consequences, many referrals.. many more times that my teachers let me get away with acting out when someone else doing the same thing would’ve been punished. one time anna and i left in the middle of class to go with emma to the library, only emma had permission, and my teacher had anna and i do wall sits instead of going to the office. in gym in middle school i would never dress out. i hated the clothes and hated gym bc i was awkward and if we didnt dress out we had to copy pages out of the health textbook the entire time and i would barely write 2 paragraphs bc i was so bored and my hand hurt and he never did anything ab it. i wouldnt dress out at least twice per week if not more. told my mom I had a C bc he had it out for me but i was the problem

in elementary school if we didn’t come to gym day wearing the right shoes we had to go into the back and pick out a pair of sneakers that fit out of a box of shoes, and also borrow socks if necessary. i had to do this frequently bc i never remembered to wear the right shoes

i would extremely often forget my library books and have to sit on the couch waiting for everyone to pick out their books for half an hour

when we were even younger we’d have story time and you had to sit in the middle of the floor inside a big circle of chairs where everyone else was if you forgot your library books. i lost one at one point for months and my parents didnt just pay for it so i had to sit in the middle every time. we found the book on a shelf somewhere in the house 

my chorus teacher never liked me bc i talked too much and i always felt like the worst singer, not bc of my singing but bc she wasn’t ever nice to me

in 7th grade science we learned latin root words and every day we’d play a game where we all stood up and one by one he’d ask for a root and we’d give it. if you got it wrong on the first round you’d have to write it on a piece of paper x amount of times and turn it in. if you were the last person left you were allowed to sit on your desk for the rest of the year, during these games while everyone else had to stand up. i wanted so badly to sit on my desk, esp bc i was fidgety and couldnt stand still, but i would never study them bc i’d forget or not want to if i did remember, even tho i really wanted to know them and sit on my desk. that teacher had a huge soft spot for me and one day i just started sitting on my desk during those. everyone knew i was smart, and it was all the smart kids who got to sit on their desks, so no one questioned it. im not sure if he knew i wasnt supposed to and just let me, or didnt realize i hadnt won bc i was smart. 

hyperlexia? mom said i could practically read before i was taught. i’ve always obsessively air written, ie writing words out w my finger in the air, on my leg etc. 

esp during lectures i doodle excessively to the point that my papers margins have always been covered with random scribbly overlapped words, or song lyrics. the words are usually something someone in the class said. ive started keeping an extra sheet of paper just for scribbling when im taking notes or listening in class. when we finished end of year tests in school i would write down full lyrics to songs on my scrap paper so i wouldnt be so bored. my hand cramps up so much but it was better than staring or trying to sleep with the lights on 

doing things and forgetting to turn them in

hyperfixating on books to cope w boredom and social anxiety, at one point read one per day, i was definitely one of the most frequent people in the library 

‘ The way I see it is if I can get information into my mind, I can do a lot with it but getting it in there in the first place is the really difficult part.’ - not mine

none of my teachers ever told my mom any of this i dont think, bc i was the smartest and i always got good grades, most had a soft spot for me BUT COULDNT SEE I HAD ADHD like damn. one time my fourth grade teacher whom i liked a lot was mad at us and indirectly calling people out, and referred to the fact that some of us never stopped talking , then made direct eye contact with me and i felt rly embarrassed bc i didnt realize i did that until she mentioned it

i often had to move seats if i was near friends bc i wouldnt stop instigating talking

at big lots when i had to run the register i was so painfully bored , fidgety, had to sneak my phone soo much bc i was so bored. when i was on the floor i would put away the go backs very quickly and then take upon myself a project like going through the entire wall of individual drinks and pulling out all the expired ones, it was like 5 carts full. my manager put me in charge of organizing the entire makeup section and all the gross clearance makeup bc she knew id do it the best and fastest 

when bosses have me do inventory i can count the products super fast and efficiently, but then when they have me put them into a spreadsheet i stare at it for hours getting nothing done bc distracted and its boring. ammar told me if i’d just get off my phone i could get it done bc he’d been asking for it for weeks, i wasnt trying to ignore it 

when im trying to do something at work that needs more concentration, i want to cry with frustration whenever i hear the door chime and have to get up and help customers and break my focus