#as much as i enjoy shipping sometimes i just want normal platonic shit

[immarainbowpatooie]

Author: sorry to disappoint, but there will be no romance or smut in this fic

Me:

[wickjump]

I’m giving you a free card to rant about any character if you want to

I just like listening to people rant about characters or things they enjoy tbh, I find it interesting what they have to say

ok.. not a character but a ship because right now i have really bad brainrot for crepic, ive already done an essay long ramble about cross, and my essay long ramble about epic is in the works, so let’s go!!!!!!!!!

okay i genuinely really love them. more than most ships. hell i love their dynamic regardless of what it is—romantic, platonic, whatever. they’re something i genuinely care about a lot!!!!! they mean da world 2 me… do not be mean to them around me!!

(this is going off of cross’ canon and not epic’s, since they don’t overlap! epic is canon to cross, cross is not canon to epic. kind of an ink and dream situation)

i love the fact they’re so close. they’re besties. best buds. best friends. besties. a lot of characters have the ‘dating close’ but not ‘friends close’ aspect in their ships/dynamics (ie cream) but not crepic! they have both!!! they’re not friends to lovers they’re best friends and lovers. and it’s unique to them in a way, you can’t name two characters who are canonically best buds like they are. and it’s GREAT. they play video games and eat cookies and make no homo jokes three years into their relationship. and i really love that for them. the idea of a romantic relationship following this just feels that much more natural compared to other characters. oh god im tired soryr anyway

i also love the angst. ive been thinking about this for ages. cross doesn’t remember epic. epic remembers cross. it hurts especially if you like to think they were also dating prior to this. imagine waiting years to see your lover again only for them to just.. not remember you. at all. and obviously you don’t tell them you were dating because then there would be that weird “so should i date you again? is that what im supposed to do now?” pressure that you don’t want, you’ll bring it up later on when you’re more comfortable with each other again, but lo and behold he likes you again and you can’t help but tear up even though you’re not a genuinely emotive person because it’s so similar to how it was the first time and you missed this.

epic has reflexes. sometimes he itches to give cross a quick peck on the cheek because he’s used to that but they’re not dating obviously so he can’t. when they start dating again though he absolutely capitalizes on it. sometimes he wants to call cross a generally romantic nickname but doesn’t. bruh is fine anyway. he used it all the time back then too. no need for other names anymore.

sometimes cross acts like he used to and epic feels a pang of sadness and nostalgia. there’s something so sad about memory loss. it’s like you lost a lover but they’re still there. they just don’t remember you. you’re stuck alone with the memories that you both once shared. and it’s kind of miserable. they’re so “sometimes i wonder if she sees me through your eyes. what would she think of me now?” “well. i think you’re pretty great.” pls understand

i like to headcanon that cross didn’t age as much as epic either due to the nature of his au and xgaster and the overwrites. so cross looks exactly the same as the day epic lost him (httyd,,,, save me) and beh they’re cute. so cutie actually. cutie pies!!!!

they r so affectionate physically cause i said so. they cuddle on the couch and play video games but if anyone asks epic says no homo and cross nods even though his face is literally buried in epic’s neck. yeah uh huh. so straight of you guys. yep. cross gets embarrassed in public about it becasue that’s literally canon he’s so stupid I hate him so much I hope he dies /affectionate. in private though cross is all over that shit. daddy issues amiright

they’re so stupid too. people don’t know if they’re dating or friends because they’re just like that. cross, normally the most uptight pissy prick out there, seems to only unwind when epic’s around and he drags cross to do something fun or stupid (often both). cross just seems happiest. and epic, normally full of “yeah lmao i am so unbothered and chill and not harboring dark secrets and withering sanity as well as living off of 0 sleep total”, seems the most relaxed around cross. i like that.

also their dads hate each other and it’s hilarious. they also probably hate each others dads too given how they each abused them like what!!! stop abusing ur kids guys…! but xgaster and epic!gaster would be in-laws and that’s super funny to me. imagine hearing that. the son of the guy you hate most married your son (who you also beat as a kid). wtf

i love the idea that epic, after ages, opened up to past cross about his issues and now all that is gone. the comfort and understanding is gone. and epic misses it but he doesn’t know if he can open up like that again. god

they’re so bittersweet. but they’re also soulmates 2 me. cross found epic again in another life,, how great is that. memory loss cannot keep them apart!!!!! they are so close. in a do not separate box. they’re like color and killer or error and ink to me. in a little ‘these guys MUST be kept together’ kennel. bonded pairs.

hfhrhfjhhh. they love each other a lot but they’re really unserious about it. everyone is done with how obnoxious they get when they’re with each other. epic puts up with cross’ temper tantrums (love you but you got issues cross) and cross is the only one that seems to find the rubber chicken jokes funny a millionth time in a row even though by now they’re to everyone’s chagrin.

they’re so cool. and lovely. i think they should be boyfriends forever and ever and never die so they can always be in love. they mean a lot to me they’re like if me and my childhood bestie worked out

I LOVE CREPIC!!!! Thank u for the ask i used this as an excuse to rant about them. needed to get this out of my system. this isn’t even all I could talk about in terms of them it’s just. so long already

OK BAIII!!!

[skittlespizza]

TF2 Mercs as the Crane Wives Songs/An Analysis of All the Mercs

This one is going to be a long one, but as is customary with my fandoms, I will be assigning characters songs from the Crane Wives discography. I won't be going lyric by lyric explaining why it relates to the character as it will make the pacing and general setup of this post awkward, I'll just highlight the lyrics that matter.

I will be sticking to their canon personalities. I will be avoiding as much fanon interpretation as possible, and will be avoiding shipping content & common headcanons. It's nice to re-engage with canon media as a nice refresh for interpretations and headcanons.

SCOUT- Take me to War

Take me to War is about anger and fighting. As a child, Scout found himself last to fights and oftentimes had to watch from the sidelines as his brothers got to fight. And he didnt. He was too small. But being small had an advantage, he was able to run.

I've earned myself a reputation/ That my bark is much worse than my bite/ But I keep snapping at Goliath's hands/ With all of my tiny might

This first stanza summarizes Scout, I feel, quite well. Scout talks shit, he's small and can't follow up with the shit he talks, but he talks shit nonetheless.

Dress me in red and throw your roses/ And I'll rankle the beasts with words/ It's a graceless dance of epithets/ We learn to make someone hurt

Scout doesn't look all that scary, that unassuming, but he's tough as nails and despite being cowardly, will stand and help when needed.

All of the words I've swallowed/ All of the sharp things I've kept in my mouth/ I am always bleeding out

This lyric specifically highlights how sometimes words can be more cruel than actions. The mercs all throw insults while on the battlefield, but remember that Scout is the closest thing to a normal boy on that battlefield. He can take literal assassins and killers head on- despite being so young and "normal." We can assume that his sharp tongue would translate quite poorly in normal conversation as being surronded by the mercs sort of. Fucks up your personality.

I'll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you/ Give me a fight I can't resist/ Give me something to break with my fists/ Take me to war/ Oh, honey, I dare you

Scout is a sweet, welcoming small town Boston boy with a heart of gold. Underneath it all, is a violent and teasing killer who, much like his teammates, enjoys violence and hurting people. I feel like this is something that's underutilized when it comes to Scout. He's so young, has a family and future and yet is so easily turned to violence. Take Scout to War, he dares you.

SOLDIER - Little Soldiers

No, I didn't just choose the song because of the title. I struggled immensely when it came to Soldier. I had a general idea, going in, of what everyone's character song will be. With Soldier? The Crane Wives songs deal with deep character incatracies and such, Soldier lacks that, at least on the surface. This song, I feel, represents the friendship he has with RED Demo. His loyalty to his friend and his love for him. This song has the word love in it, but I want to avoid any shipping content in this analysis so it's accessible to everyone. Love can be platonic.

On the broken backs of all the words we spared/ Like little soldiers in the trenches/ It was a march we made towards ruin and despair/ But we held hands all the while

Being forced to kill your best friend over and over is difficult. Fighting, sparring, on the battlefield, yet close friends and confidants outside of it. Holding hands with someone who killed you, it's cruel in a way. For two friends to have to kill over and over. Yet, they continue this friendship despite it all.

Beneath the table you would offer up my bones/ And all the dogs would lick your fingers

How are you supposed to badmouth your best friend? He's supposed to be your enemy, offering up all the parts of your friend that hurts, and you have to be fine with everyone believing you hate him.

We didn't give up, we wouldn't dare surrender/ It was an honest loss

Despite the Administrator forcing them apart, they'd never surrender their loyality to one another. They're loyal to each other before her.

PYRO - Daydreamer

Like I said, I'm trying to stick to canon as much as possible. In canon, Pyro is not that... well, complex. I myself have many headcanons for them, but canon only. Daydreamer is a song about someone who gets stuck in their own head quite a bit, which suits Pyro and their Pyrovision.

Two steps forward and one step back/ I’ll take a one-way ticket anywhere/ It’s not over, this is only a setback/ We’ll just have to move a little bit faster now, faster now

Pyro is two steps forward, one step back. They do something amazing, then do something childish. They balance a fine line between absolutely insane and genius.

Daydreamer, you’re falling behind (falling behind, falling behind)/ I’ll get there in my own time

Pyro... isn't really sure nor is aware of what's going on. And you know what? It works for them. This one is far shorter than any other due to the length of the song being short and not having stuff to analyze as Pyro is rather simple. And sometimes simple is good.

DEMO - Keep you Safe

I knew I wanted to do this song as soon as I reread Demo's backstory. Keep you Safe is about waiting and regrets. One thing Demo is good at is waiting. Waiting for the perfect time to strike or waiting for his parents haha. Demo was abandoned as a kid, and was done so because he needed to hone his skills on his own. Honestly Demo had one of the worst childhoods, killing his parents and losing an eye is not an easy thing for any kid. No wonder he's an alcoholic.

When I was a child/ My nerves ran wild/ When I watched my friends/ Rise to the tops of the trees/ With the risk of fall I never climbed at all/ Every day I told myself “I’m not ready”

Demo felt safer creating bombs, he rather create than socialize. He was never ready. Demo had a shitty childhood and prefered to wait out the dangers instead of engage.

My daddy always said/ “Nothing worth doing comes easy”/ Time is not your friend/ Time is not your remedy

His parents believed in toughing it out. Believed in fighting and believed in working hard, to the point that it was borderline neglectful and absusive. (Again, abanonding your child so that he could find his skills on his own is fucked up). Demo learned the hard way the world is not kind, and sometimes you need to take action. This one is shorter, but I struggle a lot trying to talk about Demo without delving into my headcanon and personal intpretation too much. I'll cut this one short.

ENGINEER - Canary in a Coal Mine

I struggled A LOT with Engie. I reread all his story as much as I could but could not find a matching song, so I had to stretch this to fit quite a bit. Bear with me. I chose Canary in a Coal Mine because of his relationship with the Administrator, and how she would be just about dead without him.

You and I are friends of empty graves, black air and black, black lungs/ Am I the only thing that keeps you safe when the light is gone?

The Administrator is essentially an empty grave with black lungs, has been through a lot of shit. He is the only reason she is alive, he's and his knowledge is the only reason the war continues. Without Engie's ability to create, there wouldn't be anything. He's the only thing keeping her safe when the light is gone.

Feed me promises, keep my heart well/ I'll sing you songs until the darkness does recede

With promises of clearing his "old debt", he's willing to do whatever to feed his god complex. I apologize for the short one this is, I struggled heavily with him much like I did with Pyro.

HEAVY - Hard Sell

Heavy is the anchor in his family, he's always been a protector and always been the worker. When he was younger, maybe he wondered if things would get easier once he got bigger and stronger. Heavy uses his strength to protect by being violent.

I'm trying to make something of myself/ My better days, I go buy the hard sell/ But I feel like I'm working with barbed wire and moth wings/ 'Cause I can't really get a hold of many things.

Maybe as a child, Heavy had to put a lot of pressure on himself to grow. On Genius lyrics, a summary reads:

"The narrator is trying to improve themself in an aggressive matter, but they’re too rough on themselves, making them feel fragile. In being so hard on themselves, they feel like change is unobtainable."

What we do know about Heavy is this: Heavy has always had to fight and protect. He's probably had to grow up early, and he's tough on himself. To be stronger. To protect his sisters and family. He cares about them more than anything and is willing to push himself to do anything for them. This can also be interpreted in the sense that he works extraordinarily hard, physically, to protect people. Pushing himself past his bodily limits, as seen in End of the Line.

Is it me? Is it really just me?/ Does everybody have it together or are we all pretending?

I don't think Heavy is perfectly mentally sane, but he has to be essentially a calming anchor around him or they'd probably also fall apart. The rest of the song repeats mostly, but that's the reason I chose Hard Sell for Heavy.

MEDIC - Ribs

Medic is an interesting character to me. I knew I wanted to do this song due to the religious themes in it (as he talks to satan), and also because of the general themes of innards. KEEP IN MIND, THIS TALKS ABOUT THE AMORALITY OF MEDIC. I AM NOT SAYING HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HIS TEAM, HE DOES. But he is also amoral.

Marrow made a wife of Eve/ But no one gave up a rib for me and mine/ My hearts did expose to the elements/ Calloused and untouched by a man's design

Medic isn't a man of god, he's not pure or holy. He's untouched by morality and what is good or bad. He's pure, unadulterated curiousity and mania. His heart was exposed to what we can assume is the worst of humanity, and thus all morals were thrown out the window.

Oh, my ugly organs/ How lucky we are

Whereas one may pity Medic for his insanity and lack of moral compass, he sees this as an absolute win. He's lucky he's untouched by innocence.

Oh, my savage empire/ How lucky we are/ Never to be moved by the words of a liar

He's reinstating he's once again lucky for being a dealer with Satan rather than god. He knows God won't be able to give him what he wants, Satan? Satan can. Satan will. He will become immortal one way or another.

The dark doesn't frighten me/ I chose to close my eyes/ It is mine, it is mine/ The night doesn't frighten me/ I chose to let it thrive/ It is mine, it is mine

This lyric really is why I chose Ribs. The dark, evil and inhumane parts of himself is not something he chooses to hide, to close away and deny. He embraces that part of him that others may urge to hide. He is not afraid of his evil, Medic chooses it. Sometimes we forget how demented Medic is. He betrays everyone to join TFC, he brought Sniper back to life, he DECAPITATED BLU SPY AND LEFT HIM IN A FRIDGE WHILE ALIVE. Medic is evil, he's cruel and merciless but in a way that is so honest and open and endearing that exudes confidence and choice.

SNIPER - The Wolf

Sniper, I knew very early on as in media he's compared to a Wolf quite often, and the themes align well. Sniper struggles quite a bit with proving he's not a crazed gunman. That he's 100% sane and is rather a calculated killer. He's aware he's a bad person and sort of embraces it in a sort.

I am not a builder/ I’m much better at blowing things down

Sniper is a person who destroys. Destroys heads and lives specifically. He's aware of this and embraces it through his unconventional career choice.

I am not a tempest/ I light torches in my sleep/ I have gasoline in my veins/ I am always burning, burning, burning

Sniper is destructive, he's a controlled fire of sorts. A killer, but not an insane one but that intense passion he has for his job, seen through his voicelines, burn despite the controlled aspect.

I am a falling axe/ I am a sharpened knife/ I am a poison asp/ I am a risk to your life

Sniper is a highly dangerous man and a bad person, a wolf in sheeps clothing of sorts as he's not that dangerous looking. On the inside, he's a cold heartless killing machine, at least when he's on the job.

Can it be/ Can it be easy for once/ Cause I’m no good at being kind to myself/ Or anyone

This part will be making a few assumptions: we can guess that Sniper has some sort of insecurity as having your parents constantly berate you for your job probably stings. Especially when you love them more than anything. Wanting to crave that approval so so badly, yet struggling so much to connect with people as he's on the job 24/7. He's not kind to himself- or anyone else. He's a prowling beast looking for his next kill, not some schoolboy making friends.

A single video made me fall in love with Sniper as a character and its because of his relationship with his parents. It's eight years old but holds up to this day. Here.

SPY - Empty Page

This is the reason I made this post. Spy is, and will always be, a nobody person. He doesn't have a stable identity due to his career and even when telling his son that he is his father, he can't show his face. Being a spy has mental health repercussions when it comes to your identity, and this has always fascinated me about Spy.

I’m just a ten cent copy/ Of people far more advanced than me/ Every thought that I’ve ever had/ Could be ripped from a magazine

Instantly, you can tell why this song is Spy. Spy is a ten cent copy of people, he's a copycat, a liar. He literally steals the identity of people to play a role, he isn't a person. He's a blank canvas to LITERALLY project onto!

Cut me a path, and I will follow it/ Draw me a line, and I’ll avoid it/ I’m nothing if not obedient

Spy is an obedient worker who will do anything and everything he's told to... again. It's Spy.

I am an empty page/ A muddled shade of paint/ I am a light that’s burning out

Spy is an amalgamation of all the people he has had to be in the past, he is an empty page, he is a color of paint that in unique because he's people clipped together from magazines. Spy isn't a person, he doesn't even have a name. He is JUST. A. SPY.

Years of imitating mastery/ Only made me a better thief

Again. He's an imitation of people who he's needed to be. Despite him maybe being the main reason I made this post, this song is so straightforward and blatant in why it's Spy, I can't add a lot of commentary.

BONUS: SPY & SCOUT - Never Love an Anchor

Never Love an Anchor, despite the dozens of animatics and popular belief, is not about romance. It's about family. The romantic interpretation is so.. upsetting since the song literally cannot be romantic due to some lyrics but whatever. Anyways, Spy's POV to Scout. I know I said I would only highlight the important lyrics, but this one is a special case.

On some level, I think I always understood/ That these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever/ And I tried to do the best that I could/ But try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to hold you

Spy has hands meant for lockpicking and killing, not holding a child close and making a family. God did he love Scout, but he couldn't dare look his child in his face knowing that beneath the facade of a father, he was an empty shell. Spy has hands meant for murder, not creating.

It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest/ With this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful/ There is love that doesn't have a place to rest/ But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders

Spy will never tell Scout the truth. He cannot, will not or will ever be able to because of his cowardice and for Scout's safety. He doesn't regret leaving, he knows it was for the better, but god does he feel so much guilt and shame for leaving. For being a Spy. He would've gotten Scout and his family killed if he stayed with them, and he didn't want to have to bury his own child. If he loved, he'd hurt.

There are times when I still wonder about you/ You are someone I have loved, but never known/ And you'll never see the reasons I had/ For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you

He sees Scout everyday, seeing the son he never had become a boy strong and agile. He wants to know about Scout, he wants to be there, but can never tell him why he couldn't hold him. Why Spy had to leave.

I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel, I am all the things they might have said to you/ Do you ever think of me and my two hands?/ And wonder why they never soothed your fevers?/ And wonder why they never tied your shoes?/ And wonder why they never held you gently?/ And wonder why they never had the chance to lose you?

Spy is a bad person, and he hoped Scout wouldn't end up the same. It's not too late for Scout to turn his life around. But Spy doesn't have that right— the right to act like a father. He never held Scout, never raised him, never took care of him, never taught him. Never helped him. He never had a chance to lose his son out of fear of losing him. It was a lose lose situation, but at least this way Scout isn't dead.

God. This song.

BONUS: PAULING & THE ADMINISTRATOR - The Moon Will Sing

The moon will sing a song for me/ I loved you like the sun/ Bore the shadows that you made/ With no light of my own/ I shine only with the light you gave me/ I shine only with the light you gave me

Pauling's entire being is centered about the Administrator and it's incredibly sick and codependant. Pauling is nothing without the woman who gave her everything, so she will have to work endlessly to make her happy, right?

Ending Thoughts

Woo! That was a long one. It took 5 days to write this all due to me rereading all the source medias several times. I hope you enjoyed this, please leave your thoughts on this. I like to reread the source medias of my fandoms at least once a year to refresh my headcanons and such. This was that.

[beanghostprincess]

I am so delighted to see we can send platonic ship and that you are insane about it!! (same here i love it so so much, tahat all my life) so what about Nami&Robin or/and Nami&Zoro

there are so many people asking me my opinions i can't believe y'all actually care about what i have to say ilysm <33

nami/robin: i love them and i wish they had more scenes together in canon :(( i love that they share a room and their beds are literally next to each other. i'm sure that they cuddle when they sleep. no doubt about it. robin reads out loud while nami does her nightly routine with makeup and stuff and then they talk for a bit before falling asleep. i love that they're the only girls in the crew but their role isn't just that. they both keep the guys in place but robin has that silly, satiric dark side that scares nami sometimes, and nami has that impulsive, thief side that robin loves too. and kjsdcjksdnjkasd they make me ill. they have girl nights. they go shopping. they talk shit about people together. they eat sanji's food together. nami talks about how much she misses her girlfriend (vivi, i miss you too. come back) and robin comforts her but instantly nami complains about her "not getting it" because she has her husband on the damn ship!!!!! then nami goes and hugs robin back again. i think they're the smartest and brightest girls ever and they deserve all the love. neither of them has ever had real friends and now that they have the chance to live freely, they finally can hang out together. robin is older and tbh i think she sees nami as this cute, young, brilliant girl with so so much potential. and nami sees robin as, like, this older, mature woman that's also her bestie and that's awesome!!! a lot of people ship them romantically but i personally see them as besties or sisters ngl. i think robin is still getting used to having friends like a normal person and nami teaching her how to enjoy life is so,,, so beautiful,,, they also have their own shenanigans and i need them to have wayyy more scenes together c'mon!!!

nami/zoro: i am so not shutting up about them i apologize- i love them. i am obsessed with them. we need to talk more and more about them. "they're overrated" they should be. they deserve it. i fucking love everything about these two. so, so much... the thing that makes me like them it's probably the fact that they're part of the romance dawn trio, and i'm very nostalgic about those three. they're all important to luffy, of course, all of his nakama are. but... there's just something about zoro and nami being the first ones that makes me insane. they're the ones that had to deal with luffy together when they first met, and ever since, they've just been sooo chaotic. i'm happy opla gave them scenes together (uhhh not so much the fact that people see them romantically. it's obvious they wanted to make them romantic. please don't, netflix, i'm watching you) because they mean so much to me! they have this lesbian/gay solidarity and hostility (yes, at the same time) that i LOVE. i'm obsessed with zoro being all edgy-wannabe (he's just quiet lmfao his dramatic gay ass wanting to be a dark swordsman is so funny) and nami like "??? shut up you're just dumb". the fact that they argue and zoro complains about her manipulative behavior but still always helps her and saves her every time,,, that's so,,, i love them. i know we all say zoro is luffy's guard dog, but that's not true. zoro is luffy's cat and nami's guard dog. he stays behind nami protectively with a dark stare and nobody dares to approach her bc they know they'll die if they try to hurt his navigator. he'd never admit it out loud, tho, but he cares for her an insane amount. and she loves him too. thinking about them cuddling when it's too cold and zoro's just the perfect pillow!! zoro braiding nami's hair!!! nami helping him clean his swords!! they look after the other all the time,, and they are the ones that know luffy the best, of course they're going to be the first ones to talk things out together if something's wrong with him. also, my zolu shipper heart needs to say that nami would be the first one to find out about them. in every universe. i love them.

[auniverseforgotten]

Starting out with a predictable character for the ship ask: how about any and/or all of your fave Salieri ships, go buck wild, get unhinged, feed the brainrot~ uwu

-cracks knuckles- it's time....so unless i hit some kinda post limit this is all gonna be one,,,fucking enormous post so when you hit that read more I JUST WANT YOU TO BE PREPARED there are like...five ships here LMAO

FIRST UP WE HAVE Mozart/Salieri, the first big brainrot I had for them thanks ENTIRELY TO YOU WOLFIE, who showed me these two before I even played fgo and went -will smith presenting hands- and now i am the same

So generally love this ship because holy/divine and what must end the holy/divine, so in love and in hate for them that they Cannot be normal, and then when i played through Russia...when I PLAYED THROUGH RUSSIA....god you can fit so much fucking yearning in this bitch

who’s the cuddler: 

Gonna say both! Mozart very clearly enjoys attention and likes when all of it is on him. You know that bird meme, I do not like when we are not about me? yeah that's him that's Mozart who else would it be. So he's pressed up against Salieri as often as possible, which Salieri allows, but when he tries to get Spicy in public [like grabbing his ass-] he's gonna get pushed away like nope you're in timeout now.

And Salieri shocks everyone by being a cuddly, hugging person. Mozart about has a heart attack the first time it happens, he rolls up trying to be annoying like "Swee~eetiieeee~ can I have a huuu~uuuug~~" and then. Salieri hauls him in and hugs him and he blue screens. Salieri is def very touch starved, and while Mozart gets some platonic touching he kinda is too? Especially after Russia my god do not get me started on the mess these two are after Russia I have a WHOLE FIC IN THE WORK ABOUT IT IT IS 7,692 WORDS AND IT'S NOT EVEN HALF DONE HELP ME HELP ME-

Anyway if you [like I did] summon Salieri early through like Chaldea Boys and they got together pre lostbelt 1, Salieri would seem unusually affectionate because he Knows what happens, whereas Mozart is like "omg!! the affection i Deserve!! Finally!!" but then after...after Salieri seems desperately affectionate, like he's trying to hold Mozart together with touch and affection alone, and Mozart...well. That fic will be done eventually :) though I'm also not as nice in it LMAO so Mozart does NOT get what he's craving.

who makes the bed:

Salieri, I cannot stress enough how little Mozart cares about keeping spaces clean. He might? Keep his own desk clean so he knows where his compositions are, and the piano ofc is spotless, but aside from that- he would be living in garbage if Salieri didn't h a t e clutter and garbage. Called babe over for a date but now he's deepcleaning my room what do I do-

who wakes up first:

Multifacet answer. Usually Mozart, and then he'll cuddle up to Salieri and just...enjoy the softness. But also Saliei does not always go to sleep so sometimes Mozart will get up and oops babe clearly NEVER WENT TO BED time to fix that.

And then after Russia...thee are a lot more painful memories, after that. Mozart becomes the one who doesn't sleep, Salieri tries to reason, beg, bribe, coax him to sleep but...it's hard for him. The easiest way to get him to sleep is for Salieri to play the piano for him, which is actually good at helping Salieri process some of his internal shit too.

who has the weird taste in music:

Salieri has a wide musical palate but Mozart looks up the oddest word combinations he can think of to throw at Salieri. Unfortunately for Mozart this usually backfires and Salieri finds them interesting so now he has to listen to music he may or may not like-

who is more protective:

OH BOY

So everyone assumes it's Salieri, and don't get me wrong: he is MASSIVELY overprotective of Mozart. He starts out normal prior to them getting together, because he wants to kill Mozart sure but he will also kill anything that wants to kill Mozart because he fucking adores him okay? OKAY??? So riders especially, but also anyone who says something along the lines of "wow you're so annoying I wish Ritsuka would break ur contract" had better start running because he is COMING.

And then once they're together he gets. Much more protective because he is dealing with the Main in Grey but also now he isn't just Mozart he is Mozart his beloved partner. AND If we're operating in my AU w/Russia, man. MAN. HE IS. SO PROTECTIVE.

MEANWHILE Mozart is also really protective over Salieri as well. Physically he can't do much and honestly he's okay with that, he knows Salieri can handle that. But if he hears any rumor about Salieri that paints him in even a minorly negative light, he is Immediately deploying his informants [Shakespeare, child servants] to figure out who started it, who has been spreading it, and he will RAISE HELL. Also anyone who looks at their relationship and talks about the whole wanting to kill thing...that's his business, not theirs, and he'll make it known.

who sings in the shower:

Both of them, though Salieri may be a little more hesitant to do so. But Mozart can usually convince him or competition him into doing it.

who cries during movies:

I feel like I could see Salieri tearing up about movies with a protagonist who, through no fault of their own OR through their own GOOD! intentions became evil/hated because god yeah it hits too close to home, but he doesn't full on cry.

Mozart meanwhile I think he has very funny reactions to movies. Tender but cheesy 'I love you' scene in a romance? Outright cackles. Sad death? Critically analyzing it lik e"okay but could that happen I mean-"

He's fun to watch movies with if you want to hear someone tear something to shreds. The only movies he doesn't do that with are ones Salieri gets like [above] about.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Okay listen. Salieri has objectively more expensive taste and may spend more, but Mozart historically canNOT handle his money so if he goes out on his own and 'steals' Saleriei's credit card the bill will not be as big as one of Salieri's but it's still like YOU SPENT $500 ON ONE DECORATIVE PLANT?? Alsoooo if he goes shopping without Salieri he inevitably calls him like heeey babe I accidentally <3 spent $1000 <3 I need money <3 <3 and without fail Salieri will come and bail him out.

Yes some other servants joke about Mozart being his sugar baby and Mozart finds this HILARIOUS but he tells Salieri and he has a massive fucking spiral that scares the shit out of Mozart and he never repeats it again.

[The spiral is because sugaring is often cast in a more predatory/taking advantage of light, and he...cannot handle that.]

who kisses more roughly:

So I fully think it's Salieri because he is a BITEY MOTHERFUCKER however I do also think he has so much general guilt and religious shame [yoinking from raised as a christian LMAO] about things like physical affection and what is and isn't 'right' affection, so like Mozart. Has to haul it out of him. Luckily he enjoys this process very very much <3 and then once it IS out my god,,,the bitemarks,,,love is the teeth and the neck willingly given INDEED

who is more domineering:

Kinda thinking Mozart mostly because we have seen him twist situations around to solely suit himself, and I can see him doing the same here. Salieri might be Physically more domineering once it's hauled out but overall,,,Mozart.

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 

I will never be normal again/10

OKAY and we're at the first of the polyships, Mozart/Marie/Salieri! This one is, once again, all your fault Wolfie <3 but while I'm kinda meh about the whole "oh Marie makes Salieri docile" I also think Marie deserves a harem <3 <3 so really the ship we're DISCUSSING is this one but Marie also has d'Eon and Sanson as well, she's the center of a huge polycule do you see my vision do you understand me

ANYWAY while a lot of people in Chaldea think this is a "oh Marie and her two silly boys" or "Mozart and Salieri want to be together but have to have Marie buffer" that is not the case! They both just really deeply adore her, and Marie adores them too. My answers will prob be shorter here bcus adding Marie doesn't really change the overall dynamic a ton.

who’s the cuddler: 

Once again, all of them!! Salieri is a surprisingly huggy, touchy person, and Mozart wants all attention always. BUT Mozart does put aside literally all his selfishness for Marie, so he is a little more mellower about that in this ship. Though he does sorta get like...touchy about Salieri like why aren't you giving Maria all the attention in the world and he has to sit him down like Mozart I love you but you do not tell me how to love people

AND MARIE HERSELF. SHE LOVES EVERYONE SO MUCH ALWAYS. ALL THE HUGS ALL THE KISSES ALL THE LOVE. She is never without a person on her arm, the person just changes XD

who makes the bed:

Still Salieri, Mozart dgaf even with Marie and while I think Marie would I also...don't think she would do it Right because lbr irl Marie Antoinette was incredibly privileged and she 110% had servants for things like this and while Salieri appreciates her trying to do chores I feel like she just makes it worse on accident sdzfgh

who wakes up first:

Toss up between Salieri or Mozart, esp after Russia [AND OH MAN IS THAT HARD FOR MARIE esp if they're together before and then after...both of her partners have just irrevocably changed and no one will tell her WHY or how she can HELP], Marie is def a sleep until noon person if she manages it.

who has the weird taste in music:

Salieri still has a wide palate, Mozart still looks up what he thinks is the weirdest stuff possible, but Marie goes through so many idol phases. Like you know how a lot of pop groups will start all soft and sweet and then just. Evolve? Marie starts wanting all these soft songs so ofc they write them for her but then she'll be like "okay this week i'm bad!! >:3 fuck!!! >>:3 i'm so sorry for swearing-" and they'll switch up her idol vibe.

who is more protective:

Salieri is the most physically protective. His level of protectiveness over Mozart doesn't change, but he becomes very protective over Marie as well. After dating her he has to take time to like. Think about Sanson and rationalize that because you KILLED HER but also Marie loves him too so it takes time for him. To relax around him. But he does! He'll still throw anyone into a wall who insults either of them though.

Mozart is still fiercely protective over Salieri but also with Marie...he knows she can somewhat defend herself, but she's not as adept at it as Salieri is so he gets Physically protective over her too. Has started fights he has no hope of winning and either wakes up in the infirmary or one of Marie's other partners rolls up to back him [if it's Salieri we get a nice -gently bandaging him- "what the FUCK is your problem you can't keep DOING this-"]

AND MARIE. Marie...was a queen. Marie...knows the power that lies in words and regal bearing. Someone will call Salieri a mindless death machine, or Mozart a useless layabout, and then Marie will go and have tea with the kings and queens and mention it in the most "oh bless their hearts" way and then that person...is so unbelievably fucked.

who sings in the shower:

Marie is the most enthusiastic about it!! Since she wants to be an idol she is Always singing, and shower acoustics are scientifically proven to be so good for certain notes and when you find those notes it's very cool so she'll be singing in the shower f o r e v e r

who cries during movies:

Marie all the way she will be BAWLING in animal movies, romance, romcoms, animated movies, music movies, she is SO EMOTIONAL AND SO MOVED she loves everyone and she just has to show her emotion through TEARS

Salieri actually doesn't watch movies much with her because of it because it upsets him/the Man in Grey to the point where he wants to attack someone to make her feel better but it's not That kind of tears so he has to just not be in the situation

who spends the most while out shopping:

Salieri still spends the most in terms of Amount, though he only ever spends his own money. But given Mozart in life and. The sheer fucking excess french royalty enjoyed. Yeah he's footing the bill for both of them LMAO the sugar daddy comments do NOT stop and they really eat at him so Marie puts her foot down hard and tells anyone that if she hears them again she'll make their life a living hell and then leave like "if you tell anyone no one will ever believe yooouuu~ <3"

who kisses more roughly:

Salieri and Mozart retain their same level of roughness with each other but are all but worshipful with Marie, she is a Queen, their Queen, and they just. Can't. And honestly I don't really see Marie enjoying roughness that much?? So she's fine with it, though she makes sure to reassure them that it's valid and what they do with each other is fully okay w her, she's not Against roughness just doesn't love it herself.

who is more domineering:

Again not really Marie's thing but she also doesn't mind when her other lovers get domineering with each other. IF she was into it though she does have. Literally everyone wrapped around her fingers so <3

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 

Iiii'd say about a 6.5/10? It's still a good ship but also Marie just isn't very developed? But given we do have Marie alter now I imagine I'll reconsider once she's out in NA.

AAAAND SECOND POLYSHIP, Salieri/Jalter/Dantes, which I first got into shipping when I saw this art by Sabu a while back: clicky, and they've just been marinating in my brain since?

Like it's both because I love all of them but also I think having each other...would mellow them out [but not change their characters lmao] and also avengers,,,,loving avengers,,,,gotta be my fave dynamic

who’s the cuddler: 

Here it's deeeefinitely Salieri. While Dantes is. So absolutely 100% touchstarved once he's got physical affection I'm not sure how much he vibes with it? Like at first it's like. Wow I wanted this forever...but stop touching me right now please. And he adjusts but he's still not super touchy?? At least imo. But he's 100% okay to be cuddled unless it gets to be too much, in which case he explains that and the others back off. He does enjoy throwing his arm around their shoulders or having a hand on their hip, just full on cuddles can be overwhelming.

And Jalter...Jalter is SO touch starved but she also REALLY WANTS physical affection but she cannot ask for it, she can't, ask for physical affection??? No thanks she'll go die instead. But Salieri will so easily hug her or keep an arm around her waist the whole time he's with her and she is DYING of happiness inside.

And ofc they reciprocate too

BUT ALSO it's fun to imagine the relationship as Jalter and Dantes being together already and then they're like "we like your funny music, magic musicman" and then they have this really affectionate Italian and are both just ??? !!!! about it because he is so physically affectionate when he looks like THAT [mentally death warmed over but in a crappy microwave]

ALSO HE INSISTS ON DANCING WITH THEM AFTER JALTER MENTIONS WANTING TO DANCE W RITSUKA IN SHINJUKU Jalter comes in the room and it's set up as a fucking ballroom because Salieri is so fucking extra god I love them

who makes the bed:

Salieri, Jalter and Dantes could not care less, truly. They do tend to keep things cleaner though because they can tell it's something that bothers him. Especially Dantes leaving ash everywhere my god he got some on Salieri's suit on accident once and the sheer DREAD he felt- [Salieri waved it off like it was nothing but given Salieri's general attitude that doesn't mean it's OKAY]

who wakes up first:

I'm gonna say it's usually Dantes but if Salieri stays up all night making music or dealing with the demons then it's both of them. Not sure if he'd stay in bed to cuddle or just slip away to leave Salieri and Jalter in peace and go do whatever. Making sure Ritsuka's still on the same plane of existence, probably.

Jalter sleeps in until like 5pm if you let her LMAO

who has the weird taste in music:

I feel likt Jalter, we saw her Edge in her summer berserker form, she just knows the most random bands. Salieri, like always, retains a wide music palate, and I feel like Dantes sticks to one or two favorite genres.

who is more protective:

As remains the answer for. Literally every ship I do this for. THEY ALL ARE WAHOO!! ARE WE SEEING THE PATTERN YET???

So while Salieri is seen as the most physically protective one in the above two relationships, being with two of the most Avengey Avengers definitely makes him seem. A lot more chill. He'll still fuck someone up don't get me wrong but he does come off as much more calm and reasonable.

Jalter is loudly protective and puts most of her energy into being scary af so that no one even dares Try anything with either of her partners. She would kill and die for them [and they would for her] and anyone who tests that is getting stabbed and set on fire.

BUT DANTES TOPS THEM BOTH w showing up in a servant's mindscape or cornering them in a dark alley or abandoned part of Chaldea and telling them in excruciating detail what will happen to them should they so much as make either of his partners even Slightly upset. [yes he did have a confrontation like this with Mozart because Mozart = stressed and angry Salieri but luckily Mozart being an antagonistic bitch [affectionate] by nature he just brushed it off and Salieri had a Long talk w Dantes about their whole weird besties to mortal enemies to besties dynamic]

And in battle never have them on the same team because while they will be FIERCE they will also abandon all other duties to protect each other any day of the weak.

who sings in the shower:

Salieri and Jalter, though I think Salieri is better at it than Jalter is. Dantes could never.

who cries during movies:

Jalter and she hates it and threatens her boyfriends that if they tell anyone she will Grondement du Haine them SO HARD but it's all in good fun.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Salieri all the waaaaay I can't see Dantes really spending a lot of money and while Jalter likes fancy shit she also...obviously doesn't always go for it -glances at the shinjuku dress- but Salieri my god this man can SHOP

And it's not just for himself either, he'll roll up for so many dresses for Jalter and smaller things for Dantes at first so that he can adjust to the spoiling before buying more and more. They're both a little worried about it but he's shown them the receipts and somehow he just. Has money??? Where are you getting it Salieri??? Where is the money????

[I feel like any time they're in a singularity/event/thing for long enough to get a job Salieri will just. Rayshift in and get one to alleviate the boredom LMAO so he has so much money bcus he has a million side hustles]

who kisses more roughly:

Definitely a playful competition here though while Dantes and Jalter I feel wouldn't care as much about PDA Salieri reeeeaaally does so when they're trying to get him in on the aggressive kissing they need to be in their room or no go.

who is more domineering:

Mmmm tossup between Jalter and Dantes, I just know it isn't Salieri. He's just too chill deep down when not exposed to Mozart, he just wants to fuckin live lmao

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 

11/10 I will never recover from this one either

ALRIGHT NEXT UP one that my brain surprised me with but does? Seem to be something of a ship, Salieri/Hessian. Another Avenger ship why am I the way I am

ANYWAY My favorite thing about them is Lobo definitely got them together, this music man who has piano that resonates with his grief and anger rolls up and wow...this music nice...and since he and Hessian share a braincell, Hessian can't hide from Lobo the fact that he likes Salieri. So Lobo, being a good wingman, keeps dragging Hessian to Salieri LMAO and it is actually Salieri who reaches out in the end. Lobo is Pleased that the music servant belongs to his rider/pet [does this go against Lobo lore yes do I care no]

Also Salieri learns sign to communicate w Hessian bcus he LOVES HIM and it's also an IMPORTANT SKILL TO HAVE admittedly I'm not sure which they would use....Chaldea is in Antarctica,,,Hessian was German but was deployed to the US,,,,confusing to decide which! there is international sign but it's more of a pidgin sign language so yeah....hmm

who’s the cuddler: 

So I can't really see Hessian as even considering being cuddled until he is and then he's just !!!! wow this is great actually!!! He's been so focused on Lobo getting back his freedom for so long that he just...put literally every single thing aside for him. Didn't consider his own happiness or loneliness or anything, he just...wanted Lobo to be free. So now in Chaldea when Lobo is trying to encourage him to accept Anything for himself [not lobo lore compliant BUT I SAY PUBBY IS GOOD AND LOVES HIS PET], and when Hessian lets himself just. Accept affection from Salieri. He loves it. Hugging, cuddling, holding hands, hand klisses, shoulder kisses, etc just. Love.

AND SALIERI REMAINS CUDDLE CHAMPION OKAY THIS MAN IS MADE OF RAGE AND LOVE AND DAMN IT ALL HE WILL HUG PEOPLE but also once he realizes how little Hessian ever got physical affection he becomes Much more PDA accepting, since it's still 'polite' PDA. Also this man will sleep on Lobo he loves having a big ol pupper so much and Lobo loves his new pet too.

who makes the bed:

You cannot tell me Hessian doesn't rest curled up on Lobo I won't believe you so Salieri by virtue of him actually Owning a bed.

who wakes up first:

I don't...know that Hessian actually Sleeps. Like rest and recover sure but does he really need to sleep with no head and with magic that is definitely tied to Lobo? Anyway he doesn't sleep so him but also Salieri on his bad nights.

who has the weird taste in music:

Hessian loves exploring ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he is learning to live again and Salieri is so happy to encourage him and find new music for him to listen to. When he's not too murderous around Mozart he asks him for recommendations too which Mozart takes SO seriously because Salieri!! Asking him for something!!! ASKING!!!! HIM!!!!!!

Lobo will eat the stereo if it annoys him though they've lost five by now

who is more protective:

Another both option but with an added "do not fuck with Salieri or the giant fucking murder dog will come and chew your face off"

Salieri tends to be protective because I feel like Hessian and Lobo are seen as signs of misfortune and the like and he loves them both so much so um fuck off actually

Hessian is really good at noticing when Salieri is getting overwhelmed or drowning in self loathing so he is A LOT more protective during those times.

And do not...set off...the phantasmal puppy...

who sings in the shower:

I don't. Think Hessian can sing. So Salieri for that one!

who cries during movies:

Hessian [if he can't sing how can he cry IT'S ABOUT VIBES] any time it's a movie that reminds him of what Lobo has gone through or is about dog peril. He breaks.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Bold of you to assume Hessian even has any idea on shopping at all he does not give a fuck so it's Salieri again and once again spoiling with gifts!!!! But most of the gifts are for Lobo because he's A GOOD BOY

who kisses more roughly:

So Hessian is kinda out bcus he doesn't have lips but also I think this is one of the softer Salieri pairings, formed out of a ghost puppy being a wingman and a shared love for music. So it's all gentle kisses from Salieri too, just...soft...

ig Lobo's big ol wolf tongue kisses are probably aggressive but in an excited dog way not a painful way,,,

who is more domineering:

Again not super applicable here!!!

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 

8/10 sweet ship to think about I enjoy it but as is clearly shown my favorite part of it is that Salieri gets An Dog

And now we have reached...the final ship that honestly came at me with a steel chair fr I did not see this one coming I made one small comment about FRIENDSHIP and then my brain went OKAY BUT WHAT ABOUT Salieri/Phantom as a ship AND HERE WE ARE

So this one...hinges a lot on opera,,,opera,,,friendship,,,but then they really are similar honestly? Salieri is an innocent monster via rumors and slander whereas Phantom is canonically an innocent monster due to him just playing a part that society assigned to him. I feel...like they could really bond over the crushing weight of what society has created them to be. And yeah I know the Phantom of the Opera is different than Salieri but the Phantom of the Opera in FATE differs from the one in the book, he's just the 'model' for it.

AND THIS ONE IS ALSO REALLY FUN BECAUSE. Due to Phantom's reputation literally EVERYONE is worried about it. Like given all they have is the og story: Phantom GROOMED someone, KIDNAPPED them, tried to keep them FOREVER, did a LOT OF MURDER etc so like. Erik is not that at all but everyone is constantly just like Salieri,,,are you sure this is a good idea,,,and Salieri is like sorry are you shittalking my partner right now? -wildfire blade held menacingly-

who’s the cuddler: 

Salieri ONCE AGAIN but this time I feel like it's a little related to Erik so used to people interpreting him as an exact copy of the Phantom of the Opera and thus he's internalized himself loving others to be evil and grotesque. It takes Salieri a lot of time and patience to gently coax Erik into accepting physical affection from him, and it starts very very small, holding hands alone, gently tucking his hair behind his ear also alone, jsut...slowly acclimating him to touch. And even then Erik. Cannot handle PDA, cannot handle feeling like people are looking at him so Salieri willingly keeps Everything to the bedroom but also makes sure people know because he loves his partner and also because cmon Erik has to get jealous af sdfgh

who makes the bed:

Salieri continues to be the Only Chore Doer and makes the bed. Tbf I feel like making the bed w/claw hands would be really hard, at least Salieri can put his away.

who wakes up first:

Bold of you to assume either of these crumbling messes sleep. If other ships gently encourage Salieri to sleep, Erik ship is just them constantly in the hell that is their minds, sleep deprived and kept awake due to nightmares. They may Occasionally sleep but it's. Really rare. The avengers are thiiiis close to staging an intervention as Salieri's eyebags become entire eyesuitcases

who has the weird taste in music:

OPERA OR...NOPERA BAYBEE there is no ROOM for any other NOISE only OPERA MAY EXIST HERE or whatever Salieri feels like playing because that will Become opera once Erik starts singing to it <3

who is more protective:

Alright so the answer as usual is both! For Salieri a lot of it is challenging people who call his relationship into question. It doesn't matter that it's usually out of concern for him, he and Erik are Fine and actually help each other cope a lot with being innocent monsters, so it drives him up the wall when people fling accusations at Erik.

BUT ERIK IS WHERE IT GETS FUN :D because like. Kinda playing off the way he has been in summer events several times now where he just...slips through cracks in reality...plays the game beyond the universe...he's very protective of Salieri on multiple levels. This can be very handy for a less "must protecc all servants" master because. They could throw Salieri into any tense situation and Phantom would follow, find out all the background info and who is doing what, and relay it all to Salieri to try and protect him.

But. Salieri tries not to get put in situations where Erik's protectiviness will Really shine through. Because while he is the model for the Phantom and not he actual Phantom, when he decides someone is an actual threat to Salieir...that's it, game over. Like they are going to fucking die as soon as he can feasibly do it. There''s no threats, no promises, you hurt or threaten Salieri to a degree Erik decides is dangerous? You're dead, do not pass go, do not collect $200. He's an assassin for a reason. Yes he has dropped a chandelier on someone before, yes they did go to couples counseling about it.

In battle though they don't really act too protective because they both know the other can handle themselves.

who sings in the shower:

Both of them, it turns into a full on opera in their quarters, sometimes servants will sit outside to listen. This is very embarrassing to Salieri.

who cries during movies:

Neither of them. While Salieri gets emotional with a certain kind of movie [mentioned,,,in one of the above ones, maybe Mozart?], he doesn't actually cry, and Erik just doesn't get moved by movies.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Salieri, I don't think Erik likes to go out much? So he'll buy fancy clothes and nice food and wonderful wine and bring it back for a nice date in <3

who kisses more roughly:

BOTH YAHOO both very possessive of each other, both really get into kissing though Salieri is bitier than Erik. But I mean Erik leaves clawmarks so <3

who is more domineering:

Switches between them tbh

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 

My brain latched onto this ship yesterday and I am so fucking feral about it/10

NOW I THINK TRULY THE ONLY WAY TO END THIS. IS TO CONSIDER. What if Salieri dated all of them at once because it's HILARIOUS LMAO

Mozart and Erik would HATE each other because they both want the Most attention, Marie would remind Jalter too much of Jeanne d'Arc, Dantes would see Erik as a threat [everyone would until Salieri would sit them all down and be like YOU LISTEN OR WE'RE DONE] the onyl chill one is Hessian and Andersen hears all about all of it from Salieri and dies laughing every fucking time

They would be such a chaotic mess and the only way they would work is if Salieri had an absolute breakdown in the middle of all of it and they're all like OH GOD I HURT MY BAE so they sit down to discuss it as Adults AND EVEN THEN IT WOULD STILL BE A CLUSTERFUCK LMAO Salieri sitting there like "I know I wanted someone to love BUT THIS IS TOO MANY ALL AT ONCE" which is why i don't really ship them in a polycule this big [they'd be metamours save for the poly ships] BUT IT'S FUNNY TO THINK ABOUT THEM ALL TRYING

Holy fuck this got so long THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK WOLFIE I HOPE IT FEEDS YOU WELL ask meme here

[iholli]

👑 Holli / Rat King || 24+ || Any pronouns || ocean loving ficto ace rat || completely on my gaming nonsense

heya! call me Holli or Rat! this is my home away from home, so welcome to my blog & I hope you enjoy your stay. I mostly post ocean views and selfship content. don't like, don't read! here's the rundown of the place 💖🐀

Main timeline:

not comfortable sharing but selfshippers can still interact!

#heart of mars || Rat King & J'onn J'onzz, DCAU

playlist 🌌🐀

Alternate timelines:

okay sharing with other selfshippers, canon depends!

#💜💖💙 || Rat King, Donatello Hamato, & Leonardo Hamato, ROTTMNT

playlist 🐢🐀

#ratstatic || Rat King & Vox, Hazbin Hotel

playlist 📺👑

#king of hearts || Rat King & Remy "Gambit" LeBeau, X-Men

#PREDATOR/PREY || Rat King & Megalo Don, Fortnite

playlist 🦈🐀 [cover photo]

Other tags:

#venne & squeaker || Rat King & Wally West platonic ficto posts

#ratio broadcast || Rat King & Alastor qpp / platonic ficto posts

#ficto tag || unspecific ficto posts

#ficto tag familial || Justice League / Hamato Clan / assorted Hazbin Hotel familial ficto posts

#ratkingdraws || personal art tag

#ratkingdiscourse || profic / anti anti & other discourse posts

#happy place 💙 / #oceancore || daily scheduled ocean aesthetic posts

Fandom check-in:

ROTTMNT || Donnie simp. Leo enjoyer. || make no mistake, found family is my all time troupe, that's why I'm here. but if you ask me about Leotello,,,

DC || Justice League: The Animated Series & Justice League Unlimited, and all affiliated series || My Adventures with Superman || Green Lantern: The Animated Series || I'm very much a DCAU fanatic, but I enjoy lots of other DC content as well!

Fortnite || Wastelander || Montague, Artemis, Hades, & Megalo Don supremacy || I still don't know all the lore, but man, I love this game || find me more actively about FN on Twitter or add me on Epic @ R47K1NGG4M3S

Marioverse / Luigi's Mansion || Luigi my beloved. normal about King Boo. || if it exists I probably ship it. Booigi. Bowuigi. all three. I'm there.

Invader Zim || ZaDr || RaPr || Almighty Tallest stan account

Hazbin Hotel & Helluva Boss || Moxxie & Millie enjoyer || RadioStatic || Alastor. Vox. Queen Bee. back in my original era now that Hazbin s1 is out 👏

MCU || Octogoblin my beloved || really not here anymore, however Loki is part of Rat King lore, so feel free to talk about him to me c:

More to know:

I'm very chill, I love notif spam, and it makes my day to get asks! feel free to throw anything to my inbox-- ask me about Rat King lore, talk to me about my f/os, whatever you wanna know or just wanna say bc I do enjoy chatting too c: it just takes me a while to answer stuff sometimes bc I'm very forgetful and overthink ✨ everything ✨👏

this is a pro fiction, anti censorship space. I'm not looking for a fight, I'm just here to yell about my favs, and personally I'm not much for problematic troupes, but I will always support the right for people to do what they want in fiction. tag your shit & be nice. my ship is not your ship and that's okay.

I'm not a big NSFW person, I will never reblog anything I feel is graphically explicit but I use safety tags just in case as I see the need. keep an eye out for #suggestive and / or #nsfw. minors are fine to hang around my blog-- I just expect you to be responsible and block the tags you need.

AI thieves will not be tolerated in any capacity. come within a mile of my blog and you will be reported and blocked on sight. if I ever accidentally reblog AI work please let me know so I can remove it.

thanks for stopping by! if you'd like some tunes for your Tumblr browsing, feel free to check out my Spotify. have a great day 💖🐀

banners courtesy of @lovelycureaestetic 💜💙 & @senseichaos-thedetention 💙❤️

[cinnamon-bunni]

bunni please talk about miridami + if you want to, liam and damien (platonic) they mean so much to me

thank you thank you thank you tha-

okay so yeah Miridami? basically me dying over the aesthetics. main reason why i ship them is aesthetic reasons lmao cause like cutesy princess x bad boy prince is sooooo good actually. idk it's just. so pretty. so badass. its perfect in everyway. love a lil mermaid who just goes "*puffs out cheeks* guards take him away; maybe an execution will make him change his mind" and its so fun and shes adorable. damien loves it and finds her so cute when she gets all murder-y. and miranda loves damien very much, mainly because she loves the idea of a knight in shiny armor coming to save her in her tall tower--like from a fairytale, but with a lot more fire and murder. and also the small arc miranda goes through with trying to change damien into a "true prince" that she's always dreamed of and told about from her family, but slowly learning that she loved damien for who he was. that while she did daydream about a dragon-slaying hero, she also fell just as hard for a dragon-slaying demon who did the job just as well (just with more fire and more of a chaotic-neutral then a lawful-good). like hes just as cool and hot and he just takes her breath away. also her favorite thing to do is make him flustered, because he gets all red and warm (which is like his normal state but shhh), and he gets all embarrassed is is very cute <3 and also damien just loves her so much. miranda is just so cute and is passionate about art and her kingdom. and yeah, the merkingdom is a bit of a touchy conversation, mainly because he very much disagrees with how her family runs it, and wishes she could see how bad things are there. they disagree on a few things (especially that specifically), but i can see them both growing from the relationship. i can see miranda possibly learning that just maybe the way the mierkingdom is being run is sorta bad, and damien learning to enjoy other people's company and being more open in his interests with others. idk i just love these two so so so much and this ship is very good imo. love them so much

(putting second half under readmore because this is getting kinda long ^^;;;)

also thank you for asking for Damien & Liam, because you are so right, these two mean the world to me and is like my top platonic pairing for liam personally (he and zoe is like a very close second tho) because like,,,,these two. they understand each other. despite liam's skepticism, damien does understand him. he understands liam's want to bury his interests, his need to be cold and aloof. okay, he might not understand or know why, but he gets it, at least a little bit. he can understand and empathize. and liam understands damien....a bit. okay he doesnt really understand why damien does these idiotic things and why he doesnt think things through but eh. hes entertaining to be around. plus, sometimes he can be sorta chill, and i think liam likes to hang around someone like that. he generally gravitates more towards people like vera or polly because (while polly is usually v loud and eccentric), they can be quiet and be serious when need be. and idk i feel like liam could get pissed over the fact that damien says he understands, but when in fact he really fucking doesnt but...idk something about damien caring tugs on his cold and rusty heartstrings. and also he very much appreciates the fact that damien keeps up the facade along with him of not caring about his shit. that he doesnt care about whatever liam's talking about, but is in fact paying attention to the fact that liam likes the restaurant down the block because they kill their humans in the most humane way possible. idk damien acts aloof and all cool like, and i feel like even though its a bit obvious to liam that hes faking it, he still appreciates it in a weird way. and like damien likes how straight forward liam is. because he is in fact the straight man of the group, and damien finds that hilarious. and hes fun to tease and bring about on dumb adventures. and hes just so brutally truthful, and damien appreciates something like that. hes just someone who is easy to talk to, and doesnt hold back on criticism and the truth. and surprisingly liam was the one who made damien accept himself and who he was, that he can still be a total badass but still be into drag and makeup, that he can enjoy whatever the hell he wanted to enjoy. which is ironic because sometimes he it feels like liam doesnt enjoy anything. but its def more of a "do as i say and not as i do" because liam doesnt really let himself enjoy mainstream things as much as he should so :/ idk i feel like in the end those two just have a lot of quiet bonding moments. times when no one else is around and they pour their hearts out, and then pretend it never happened the next morning lol but these two have a lot of potential i feel like; they're opposites and yet understand each other on some sort of level, and idk i feel like they're just very good friends (and dont make me mention the caganer ending in prom because i have SO many feelings on it. liam is invited for the holidays in the LaVey household and that's that on that)

[safetypinned]

RULES.

— ABOUT.   Mun is 35+. ANYTHING SHIP OR SMUT RELATED IS A NO-GO for people under the age of 21. If you are easily triggered, this may not be a blog for you. Mature or potentially triggering subjects present ranging from mental illness, abuse, abandonment, blood, gore, sexual situations, gas lighting, mental manipulation and control, violent imagery, parental loss, horror themes, murder, torture, suicide and suicidal ideation, self destructive behavior, loss of limbs, religious themes, demonic possession, questionable intent, addiction, and mentions of drug and heavy alcohol use.

— PRIVATE / MUTUALS ONLY / DNI.  Homophobic, transphobic, racist, Tru.mp/Put.in supporting, hating people based on their religious beliefs, what they write between two adult characters and generally crappy shit like that isn’t welcome on my dash! I'm here to have fun, not to stress over who isn't allowing what on their dash or use their tag blocking system! That said, I'm friendly to anyone who wants to approach and be nerds together. Just don't be a jerk. :D

— CANON DIVERGENT.   Sam's bi here. He, also, carries highly subject to addictive behaviors like any recovering addict. Demon blood will always be a weakness in the pit of his stomach. It is always in his veins (it's in his DNA at this point) and can be sensed by those sensitive to demon blooded beings. Approach me with any questions on this! Or if you wanna plot on it! As the years go by, his blood drinking improves greatly but tendencies are there and may be used against him. He can and may slip back into his addiction from time to time. Addiction is an ugly monster and Sam's never been taught proper coping techniques. He learns them himself. Sometimes they fail. His visions, while he learns to cope better, still exist and drown out the real world on depending on the subject. He is prone to migraines and nightmares. Sam, eventually, gets several tattoos other than his anti-possession symbol. He does dabble in the pot (gasp!) now and then. As well as, more often in much later years, can partake in more than a few alcoholic beverages as an escape mechanism. Something he picked up from Dean though no where near as close to Dean in terms of alcoholism.

— SHIP AGES. I restrict age limits on fc's and characters depending on what season of Supernatural we are writing in. Sam's age range for ships can range from 22+. Post Season 4 ships will be limited to characters 25+. Post Season 7 ships will be limited to characters 30+.

— RELATIONSHIPS/KIDS/ETC.   I roll with chemistry. Highly dependent character. Canons may have various outcomes. Platonic relationships encouraged! I do not accept any oc children for Sam. Family members are HIGHLY dependent on how we vibe. ESPECIALLY Dean and John. We gotta groove, ya dig? OCs loved with plotting so we can make it stick and have all the good things! Send me your ladies! Older muses loved and adored! I won't do pregnancy plots or Sam having his own kids that aren't in the show.

— FOLLOWING.   Give me a little bit to check out your blog if you follow. I like to know your rules out of respect! If I’m following, I want to interact.

— AFFILIATES, EXCLUSIVES AND MAINS.   Accepting on a limited basis for mains and a very limited basis for exclusives. My requirements are: We must be posting together regularly and be mutuals. Affiliates will come naturally. I don't mind being approached or approaching! I, normally, keep the number of the same characters I write with down to a small amount out of personal preference!

— NAUGHTY STUFF.   I enjoy writing mature threads. But will only do so with familiar partners. If it’s not your thing? We can fade to black! I’m 10000% fine with either. I do have a sideblog where all of my spicy threads go. TAG TO BLOCK ALL CONTENT OF THAT SORT ACROSS ALL MY BLOGS IS TW OOH LA LA! 

— POST INFO & SPEED.   I match my partner. There are times when I get hella inspired write bunches. I don’t do one-liners. I use small text and one icon that is static and the graphic changes per month. I can enlarge your text if needed. Blog will fluctuate in speed. If I don’t heart your reply, I might not have seen it. Sending me a link is great. Poking me to remind me about an ask is fine!

— PLEASE NOTE.   OOC drama won’t be tolerated. Constant negativity, bullying or harassment are a strict nope. Anons are always off! Open communication regarding any issues is welcome! I don’t have hidden passwords in my rules. Nor will I send in one from yours.

— GRAPHICS.   Icon template / promos / banners / theme are exclusively for this blog by calisources. DO NOT STEAL! Icons made by me. Capped by homeofthenutty

[anti-ao3]

my experience with ao3

i joined it around 2015 mainly because of an otgw author i followed on tumblr, and since they were very active on ao3 i thought to myself, "why not?". otherwise it took me a whole year to actually post something there. since then i got quite a following for my undertale fics, and later other fandoms such as steven universe.

my fics are, in general, pretty well liked, sometimes even gaining hundreds of kudos. one even got 1k the other day. most nice comments i get are from ao3 users. even then, i never actually interact with them. i rarely reply to comments, nor do i comment myself; i mainly just bookmark the fics i like. i gradually got more wary of the users since the more i tried to consume fics there, the more messed up shit i would find. for instance, a lot of the ppl who read my ut fics were into fontcest and child/adult content, and it was the same thing for the other fandoms i wrote for.

maybe because of my general avoidance, i never had a traumatizing experience on ao3, like many have unfortunately gone through. i have gotten rude comments every now and then, but i was never caught up in grooming or something as such. even still, looking for fics used to be much worse because i wasn't aware of any filtering extensions, nor did ao3 have the "exclude" feature back then, so the great majority of fics i would find was basically pedo/incest/abuse/racist porn. when they did add the "exclude" feature a couple years ago, it became a little less disheartening - while it was still a pain having to exclude 10-20 tags just to get something normal -, but in general i never quite used ao3 to read many fics, only very niche concepts i'm personally fond of. i also always check if the author reads and/or writes any insidious content, so i'm very selective of what i read and who i follow.

the thing that made me create this account, though, was when i wrote a fma 03 fic last year and i included a tag that said "elricests and royeds have no rights and should rot". someone reported me to ao3 and they accused me of harassment, and hid my work until i got rid of the tag. i refused and posted a very heated rant against ao3, which finally got me suspended for months. in the meantime, ao3 began actively deleting works that included any tags that included "x shippers do not interact" or similar. basically, their excuse was "you have to let ppl ship whatever they want. yes, even if it's incest and pedophilia".

at first, when i was angry, i thought of deleting all my works, but after a while, i realized i didn't want to. the reason my account is still up is mainly sentimental. i've been on ao3 for 7 years now, and i did find some good fics and good ppl in there. my fics are very personal to me, so all the positive (and earned) feedback i got means very much to me. i have many fics there, some still ongoing, so i haven't had the courage to delete my account. i guess it's mainly because i never went through something traumatic there, so it's probably easy for me to have these feelings.

i've always been on a little corner on ao3, really. it means a lot to me when ppl find it and decide to stick in. but of course, ao3 has deeply disappointed me in a lot of ways. i'm only still using the site with a grain of salt. sometimes i wish i could let go, but it's really hard for me to do it. maybe one day i will, but for now, i just really wish i could have a safe space where people can enjoy platonic/familial content without any concern.

ao3 is a huge platform nowadays, and a lot of writers i follow and respect use it. i know taking it down is not easy, so i really wish there was a way for us to pressure ao3 to have better moderation - and actually ADD a blocking/muting feature.

i will always stand on the side of minorities, and i hope one day we get justice for all the harmful things ao3 and its users have done to us.

[chokemeanakin]

Being brought up a slave (You know, one of the only professions left were human interaction is a must in a galaxy that's overrun with droids) he's probably a very physical person. That brought him a lot of issues with the Jedi, in the beginning, until Obi understood that things like a hug as a reward or an occasional hair ruffle when in a good mood were incredible motivators. They both understand that it's frowned upon so it's not v public but they have a very (platonically) touchy relationship

FUCK OKAY THATS SO CUTE

I read a fic once where it was like Anakin as a little kid, new Palawan, and he’d wake up with nightmares and then go to Obi Wan bc he used to have his mom but now he doesn’t. And Obi Wan sorta just lets him sleep in the bed and neither of them mention it when they’re awake. And I just— 🤧🤧🤧🤧

I’m such a self indulgent ‘Anakin x Touch Starved Reader’ bitch but now you’re making me want to do Touch Starved Anakin headcanons 🥺🥺🥺

(Ps it’s very late and I can barely see so sorry if there’s spelling errors)

Touch Starved Anakin x gn Reader Hc’s:

•It’s no secret Anakin is a very touchy, physical person

•At least.. it may seem that way to the other Jedi. Unlike the rest of them, Anakin grew up with a mother’s love, and maternal affection was a normal part of his life

•Cheek kisses, goodnight hugs, ruffled hair when he came in and was sandy. Out of everything he missed the most about his mother when he left Tatooine, it was the feeling of her coarse hands wiping away the grease stains on his cheeks after a long day in Watto’s junk shop.

•Really, he was probably just a normal human with a normal need for physical touch. But everyone else was so used to just not doing that, that it made him seem like the outlier.

•It’s not like there was anyone he’d want to do any of that stuff with. He used to crawl into Obi Wan’s bed as a kid whenever he had nightmares, but he grew out of that

•Still, sometimes he had the overwhelming urge to just touch someone— hold them or be held. Just feel someone’s presence right up again his, one that wasn’t through the force.

•Over time it got easier to surpress the urges.

•But then of course Obi-Wan would clasp him on the shoulder, or steady him on a rocky transport ship, or touch his arm when offering him kind words of praise after a mission gone well. And Anakin would look at the hand on his arm, long for it to stay there a little longer...

•But no. It was wrong. He was a Jedi, and Jedi are forbidden to have attachments.

•And then you came along, and everything he planned for his life flew out the window. (just like Windu oop)

•You caught on very quick how much Anakin enjoyed your touch.

•He would instantly smile if you so much as held his hand

•Every little brush of your fingers against his skin had him leaning into your touch, closing his eyes, sighing deeply

•If you smooth his bangs away from his eyes, his eyes will flutter and he’ll gravitate closer to you

•You grab his arm to get his attention and he’ll jump, and turn to you immediately

•If you hug him, he’ll hold you against him so tight like he’s afraid you’ll pull away and leave too soon

• (Absolutely lives for hugs)

•He’ll breathe you in deep and rest his chin on your head or shoulder, one hand between your shoulder blades and one hand pressing you into him by the small of your back. He’ll sway gently on his feet, and hum softly in appreciation

•Play with his hair and he’ll melt in your arms

•He will never want to admit it, and even if he does it’ll be hard for him to stutter out the explanation, but eventually he will just tell you that he loves to feel your touch. It makes him feel less alone and loved and cared for

•So you indulge him. Duh.

•Let your lips linger against his a little longer. Trace shapes into his chest when you’re lying down together. Wind your arms around his waist and rest your head against his back when he’s meditating by the window.

•Sometimes if he’s been on a mission and it’s been too long, that first initial touch is just... fireworks. He collapses into you and a little shiver wracks his body and you squeeze him tight, rub some warmth back into him

•He’ll never ever complain if you just wanna hold onto him in some way, cause he lives for that shit

•Bb needs more hugs ☺️☺️☺️

[yukipri]

Marco’s Bauble Part 8 - a One Piece Mermaid AU Text Story

Another update for Tumblr!

This work goes by On the Courtship of Monkey D. Luffy on AO3, and I’ll be updating over there tonight as well!

A quick question....do people like reading the updates here on Tumblr? Or now that it’s on AO3, would people prefer to read there? And if so, would you be okay waiting for new updates until AO3 catches up? I’m a little torn because I’m not sure if people are enjoying reading on here, and it’s quite a hassle to format for Tumblr, and it’s getting a bit difficult for me to juggle updating these stories on 3 separate platforms...

ANYWAY, in this update, Thatch has some Thoughts, and there is mention of Ace x Luffy.

Continues off of, and should be read after:

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 1

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 2

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 3

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 4

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 5

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 6

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 7

~~

What are her 3 sizes?

(For the wedding dress, of course.)

"The fuck! Like I'd tell you!" Thatch roars, startling the blue gull into momentarily leaping off the rail, before it circles back, landing again to peck at his  sleeve to express its displeasure. Thatch ignores it, because he's fuming.

So apparently all of his and Koala's secret debates over whether Marco intentionally proposed or not were for naught, because here's the fucking evidence. And it comes from Izo of all people, because Thatch would recognize that lopsided handwriting anywhere (the man insists that his handwriting is beautiful in his native language of Wano, but he never quite got used to writing any other way).

And well, if Izo, an unrelated third party but professional snooper knows, then Marco himself must know.

And apparently, they're already planning a wedding.

Thatch feels like an idiot. He'd been defending Marco against Koala, and the lil Revolutionary was a tough opponent, one he'd had to chase out of the kitchen with a ladle more than once when he was tired of her word games. Thatch had insisted, like a fool, that no Marco's not that kind of guy, he really isn't the type to play with people's emotions, he would never propose for a joke, nor would he do it seriously without good reason. It must all be an accident, a little misunderstanding, Marco was just ignorant like Thatch himself was!

Except, apparently he did know and it wasn't an accident, and now Thatch feels completely lost because he doesn't know what Marco's thinking at all. Marco, who's not just his his first friend on the Moby, but arguably his best friend; Marco, his brother over several decades; Marco, who Thatch thought he knew better than anyone, except perhaps Pops himself...

Thatch's also pissed, because if Marco wants to start drama after they all reunite and he's introduced to Luffy, that's one thing (not that that would be great either). But right now, they're still near the beginning of Paradise with almost half the circumference of the world to go until even the halfway point, and Marco is WAY on the other side of the Red Line. If this ship explodes in flames or whatever that batshit Revolutionary brother might do, Mister First Division Commander is completely unaffected, but there are plenty of innocents here (like hello! Thatch!) who would find that pretty devastating.

Also, Thatch was the one who passed on that gift to Luffy! Even if he didn't know what it meant at the time...doesn't that make Thatch complicit? And even if not, Marco's strongest connection here is clearly Thatch. If Marco's actions cause chaos, then the blame and responsibility to clean up the mess naturally falls upon Thatch. Which, he definitely did not sign up for.

Pops, Thatch thinks miserably, I thought I was supposed to show them they can depend on us Whitebeards, NOT that us Whitebeards will fuck shit up for them...

But more than anything, there's a shocking large part of Thatch that absolutely balks at just the idea of Luffy getting married. And it's shocking because Thatch shouldn't feel this upset.

Marco, for all the complaints Thatch wants to hurl at him at the moment, is still a really great guy. A guy who, in literally any other situation, Thatch would be the first in line to enthusiastically encourage, and also to congratulate.

And sure, Thatch knows he has a crush, and his little Seastar's carving out a larger home for herself in his heart by the day, but--Thatch admittedly has crushes a lot. Sure, this one feels different, but...Marco, to his knowledge, has never had a romantic crush. He only sometimes but very rarely even has a night out, and Thatch doesn't think he's ever held a relationship longer than three encounters. He's always so serious, so diligent, so sincerely and whole-heartedly dedicated to Pops and his family. He almost never does anything selfish for himself, and Thatch would know.

If, for whatever reason, Marco is genuinely serious about Luffy...then Thatch should, and would, step to the side, regardless of personal feelings. If this is the path Marco wants, then he deserves it, and Thatch will always be the first to say it, no matter how craptastic the circumstances. And Thatch knows that Marco would give his bride the world.

Without them even having met, Thatch doesn't doubt for a second that Marco would make Luffy happy, till the end of her days.

The fact that Thatch knows all this, yet still feels near unbearable reluctance...says more than he's willing to admit.

And so he decides to avoid thinking about the most obvious reason (his own feelings), and instead contemplates his second very compelling reason: Ace.

His littlest brother isn't so great at being honest with himself, and never has. But this, Thatch feels, isn't just a matter of denial.

The boy literally has no clue.

Oh sure, Ace knows he loves his little brother. He makes sure everyone else knows it too, both here on the Merry and back on the Moby once he opened up enough to talk to people. He's so damn proud of her, yet also concerned for her, while also trusting her with his life and more. It's clear to anyone who sees them together that he absolutely adores her.

But it's more than that, isn't it, Thatch thinks. It's in the little gestures, the way Ace raises his arm up without looking at her and she slides under it, also without needing to look at him. It's the casual way they lace their fingers together, like it's nothing, when they're snoozing out on the deck. It's the way sometimes they have unspoken conversations, just staring into each others eyes, before moving forward in synch to meet in the middle to bump their foreheads together in some secret mutual understanding.

It's the reason why Sanji, for all his extravagant flirting, knows when to shut up and return to being a normal human (and, Thatch grudgingly admits, this applies to himself too). It's why Zoro never lets his gaze linger more than two seconds longer than it needs to (but he'll always take those two seconds), why Nami always looks like she wants to sit closer but doesn't, why Koala hasn't said anything when she's probably usually a much more proactive flirter.

Everyone on their crew can see it, except the two in question.

Ace, Thatch thinks, heaving a huge sigh as he looks down at the crumpled note from Izo in his palm. Little brother, you are so fucking in love.

It might not necessarily be romantically. It's certainly not particularly sexually, if Ace's lack of reaction to Lu's aggressive physical smothering is any indication. It could very possibly be platonically.

But either way, there's no room for Sanji, nor Zoro, nor the girls, nor even Thatch himself...at least, until those two figure that out.

Until then, everyone aboard the Merry is here because they love and respect their captains. No one would dare encroach on something so special, yet so potentially immature, not yet ready to be dragged out to be recognized.

Thatch knows Ace has known Luffy for years, he practically raised her. But he was also away at sea for three years. Luffy was a child when he left; she's an adult now.

Thatch once asked him if she had changed at all since he last saw her (Ace most certainly had, according to Deuce). And Ace looked blank, then horribly confused, before saying No...but also, yeah, I guess. Thatch understands; Ace isn't used to not knowing something about Luffy. And something...something had changed.

That something might very well be the thing that needs to be figured out. And for that, Ace hasn't had much time yet, since reuniting with Luffy. Only as much time as the rest of them, in fact. And they deserve time to figure that out, and as the two captains' loving crew, the ASL pirates have an unsaid agreement to watch over them...at least until they have.

(After that, Thatch thinks grimly, it might be open game.)

But of course, there's also the question of Luffy herself, and as much as she's the heart of the ASL Pirates, she's also an enigma. Thatch, for all that he adores her and honestly wants more with her, genuinely has a hard time imagining her as anything but clueless as someone's romantic partner (he's carefully not thinking about anything sexual). It very well may be that the whole "figuring out" that she and Ace have to do...ends up being nothing. And that's fine as well.

Either way, as much as Thatch loves him, there's no way that any of them here on board the Merry will stand to let Marco shatter this delicate...whatever it is that's going on between their captains, that the rest of them are so patiently respecting. Even if it ends up continuing indefinitely.

As strained as it can feel at times, they're comfortable like this. There's the little spark of joy when Seastar gives him a little extra attention, a little burn when Sanji kisses her hand, but comfort in the stability that no one will go any further. If anything it's a nice little spice to their daily lives, just the right amount, and not enough ruin the dish so to speak. This is fine.

Except, that there's just one teeny little problem...

"What did the blue gull bring you today, Commander?"

Thatch doesn't jump, because he's not an amateur and did realize that the Revolutionary was approaching, but perhaps later than he should have. Damn the kid's good at hiding his presence, and Thatch wonders if he'd have noticed at all if Sabo was being serious.

"Just a stupid request from a stupid brother," Thatch says cheerfully as he turns around to face Sabo. The boy isn't even trying to hide his curiosity, his gaze pinned to Thatch's hand.

Thatch contemplates chucking the letter into the sea, but then he realizes he isn't sure Sabo wouldn't just dive after it, and as a devil fruit user, Thatch wouldn't be able to stop him from reading it underwater.

So he casually uncurls his fingers, watches Sabo visibly perk up--before Thatch opens a black hole in his palm, letting the crumpled paper get sucked into the void.

(Perhaps he should be using his power as more than a secure second dimension pocket expansion, but hey, so far it hasn't been so helpful in the kitchen.)

Sabo sags and sulks, rather cutely, Thatch thinks. "You coulda let me see it," he pouts, looking up at Thatch with an expression uncannily like Luffy's. Fuck.

"Collecting intel, Chief?" Thatch winks, expertly hiding his horror that for a moment, he'd actually been tempted. Little sneak.

"Perhaps." Something slightly manic enters his gaze, and alright, that's nothing like Seastar, not so cute after all...

"Nice try, but it's a personal family thing, can't really share," Thatch says, and it's not really a lie.

Sabo grunts, letting it go, before his gaze flicks to the gull, who still has a beakful of Thatch's sleeve. "It waiting for something?"

Thatch sighs. "Yeah, yeah, my response, which I should probably give..." Because, right, Thatch needs to send a message back to the Moby, even if no, he isn't going to answer Izo's idiotic question.

Which, is actually a fine excuse to extract himself from this situation.

"So, sorry, the response also is personal, hope you don't mind," Thatch nods, and Sabo easily opens the way for him--which, Thatch belatedly realizes, he'd actually been blocking. Scary, little Chief, scary...

"Sorry, didn't mean to pry." Sabo sounds genuinely apologetic, and tips his hat at Thatch as he passes by, and Thatch inwardly heaves a massive sigh of relief. "I'm working on it, but I know I can get a little...pushy, when it comes to things that involve my baby brother."

Thatch continues to walk away.

But inside...

Oh. Yikes, he thinks.

~~

Thatch is in the privacy of the currently empty men's sleeping room beneath the deck, and has just finished writing and giving instructions and bribes to the gull when the hatch creaks open.

"Thatch, we're in trouble," Koala announces as she stomps down the stairs, making her sneaky opening of the door rather pointless.

"I noticed," Thatch says dryly.

Koala pales. "He didn't break any of your toes, did he?!"

"What."

"Well, you're a cook, you make food Luffy likes with your hands," Koala shrugs. "Just wanted to make sure."

"What the fuck."

"I don't think he will! You're Luffy and Ace's crew, and you're a Whitebeard pirate, but..."

Thatch groans. "I already thought your Chief might be trouble, but holy shit I didn't know he was that batshit."

"He might not be!" Koala sounds defensive, but it's not particularly comforting. "He's usually reasonable, kind of, but since his memories came back..."

Thatch throws up his arms. "So, how'd he get it out of you?"

Koala flushes. "I didn't say anything!"

"Sure."

"It's not my fault that Sabo's a damn--!"

There's a loud knock, before the hatch flings open, and Ace pops his head in. "Hey Thatch! What's for snack--"

"NOT AGAIN!" Koala cries.

At the same time, Thatch shouts, "IN A SECOND!"

Either way, the hatch slams shut with a, "SORRY!"

Thatch and Koala stare at each other with their hearts beating uncomfortably rapidly.

They slowly heave a slow sigh of relief as the tension drains.

"I really need to apologize to Ace," Thatch mutters.

"I really need to work on my Observation Haki," Koala groans.

"HEY THATCH, I WANT A SNACK," Luffy shouts, and Thatch and Koala's heads whip around in horror, only to sag with relief at seeing that Luffy's not in the room, but only for a second--

--because after that second, a mermaid's crashing through the hatch, ripping it from its hinges as she slams, hatch and all, into Thatch's chest.

The room fills with dust and debris, and there are shouts outside.

Koala gingerly peers into the wreckage where Thatch is now buried in the wall, a terrified blue gull  perched on her shoulders peering alongside her, its claws digging through the fabric of her shirt.

"We're fine," Thatch coughs, peering down to make sure he'd successfully caught and shielded Luffy from damage, even as he peels himself from the wood. Luffy seems unharmed, though her eyes are wide; she clearly hadn't expected to do quite this much.

"...Armament?" Koala asks, noticing how the back of Thatch's hair is black from where it's fanned around him.

"Armament," Thatch agrees, keeping the entire back of his body coated until he's safely pulled himself and Luffy, still in his arms, away from any sharp wood.

"Sorry, Thatch," Luffy says, not particularly apologetic, if anything sort of curious. She peels herself back from his chest, scritching her cheek while looking down at what was once the hatch to the mens room that had shattered between them. She then reaches back to tug at Thatch's black locks, and oohs when they fade back to auburn.

"No worries, just make sure to make it up to Deuce and Usopp when they have to fix this," Thatch sighs, before grinning, letting his arms fall away from Luffy once he knows she has a secure grip on his shoulders. He then begins carding his fingers through her hair to make sure no splinters got in, and likewise dusting off the front of her vest, taking care not to let his touch linger. Luffy nods frantic agreement, more like rubs her head into his palm, and Thatch feels his heart skip a beat.

Koala sighs.

"Hey Thatch, what's this?"

Thatch blinks, then inwardly curses.

Luffy's holding Izo's crumpled piece of paper. His control of his power's still shoddy, and it must have accidentally spat it back out in the commotion.

Please, don't be able to read that, he prays. He luckily doesn't have much confidence in Luffy's reading abilities.

"It says 'what are her three sizes.' What are those?"

In the background, Koala slowly raises her fist.

~~

A few days later, Marco's scouting when a blue gull rapidly approaches him.

Delivery! it squawks. Delivery for you, Boss, and don't show Izo! Don't show Izo! Don't show Izo or the bread man will be mad!

Thank you, noted, friend, Marco responds, and catches the note from Thatch in mid air.

The gull trills acknowledgement, then wheels away to rejoin its brethren, while Marco changes course for the nearest island, a safe forest haven in Pops's territory, still a ways away from the Moby. It's uninhabited, save for the wildlife, and it would be good to land once before returning home anyway.

Marco lands lightly on the tallest and oldest tree on the island, from where he can survey the island of pure greenery, and the endless blue stretching beyond. The branch he's chosen looks deceptively thin, but he already knows it can support his human weight, which is why he shifts, passing the note from his claw to his hand before completing his transformation.

Marco frowns. The other Commanders (and to be honest, the entire crew) have been acting a bit strange recently, but for Thatch, who isn't even on board with them, to also be in on it...

True, this may or may not be related to that at all. But still.

Marco feels like he's missing something.

Marco, Thatch's message starts, and Marco already knows it's going to be serious because it didn't start with a jibe at his appearance.

Marco, I think I'm actually serious about her. Thoughts, brother?

Her, meaning the Ace's little brother, the mermaid girl.

If Marco remembers correctly, in Thatch's first note back to him, he'd written, She's stolen my heart, I think I want to marry her.

Marco had assumed Thatch was joking at the time, or just light-heartedly flirting, as he always did. Marco's used to hearing Thatch spew these kinds of words, and he'd taken it to mean that the girl's exceptionally Thatch's type, but hadn't thought further.

The words had made him remember a little trinket he'd had stored in a chest at the back of his closet, one he'd received from an elderly couple on Fishman Island around two decades ago...

But that's not important now, Marco thinks, focussing on Thatch's message.

In all his years of flings and casual relationships and jokingly asking ladies (and some gents) Won't you marry me...Thatch has not once asked for Marco's opinion. He's certainly had plenty of opinions himself about whether someone would be a potential good match for Marco, which Marco always ignored. But Thatch has never asked Marco about matches for himself.

Thatch really is serious.

Marco finds himself slowly smiling. "Finally, you sap," he murmurs, though no one hears him but the other birds in the trees around him.

He knows he ought to think more about what to say, but the answer is so obvious that Marco takes Thatch's note, and carefully tears the paper so that his brother's words aren't damaged. Gently tucking Thatch's note into his pocket, Marco pulls out a pen for the remaining small blank strip of paper.

Shortly afterwards, two birds depart from the island, in opposite directions: one, a phoenix, wings burning cyan against the clear skies, and the other, a blue gull headed to Paradise.

~~

~~

~~

Part 9, things start Moving as Sabo confronts Ace.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! And again, please do let me know if you actually like reading the story here on tumblr or not >.<;

As always, any comments are immensely appreciated and help motivate me to create more for this AU! ;A;

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

~This ask has been added to the Mermaid AU Text Headcanons Compilation post~

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Sanders sides ships ranked? Also favorite ot3

I'm assuming because of the phrasing you mean the ships where it's just two of 'em because otherwise we will be here all day

Let's start with the two-fers:

1. Logince: I can't with these two. Just the dynamic they manage to have while also being two different types of smart with mutual respect and admiration for the other's abilities is PERFECT to me. Equal opportunities for fluff and angst.

2. Roceit: Listen, we all know how much I love Roman angst. The HISTORY these two have is just MMMMMMM and *slaps ship* this bad boy can fit so much of my trauma in it. Also just--submitting to the mortifying ideal of being known so that you can truly be loved??? perfect

3. Loceit: In a similar vein! You are allowed to exist outside of the usefulness you provide for others! You are more than your work! I will beat it into you with love if I have too! Also philosophy discussions at stupid o'clock in the morning. Yes.

4. Analogical: The Left Brain Boys are snarky and caffienated and gay. They can and will walk ten minute distances in five minutes. They have a private text chain dedicated to talking shit. They care about each other so fucking much and will outshine all you fucks with their amused gay judgment. It will happen.

5. Intrulogical: Chaos versus Order, who wins? Both is everyone's favorite flavor. Shit gets messy sometimes because shit happens and it's gonna be messy to someone. On the flipside, you have any idea how many mathematical theorems can simplify chaos? My inner nerd loves the dynamic of these two.

6. Dukeceit: No one is normal and normal is boring. Do you want to push the boundaries of what's considered acceptable or question what acceptable means? Cool! I dunno, man, just, skulking conspiracy theorist Janus and chaos gremlin Remus is a good time. What's up.

7. Logicality: I dunno, these two are balls of fluff. That's it. We can all use some good old fashioned fluff from time to time. That's the tea, sis.

8. Prinxiety: OOF the history. For me it's hard to walk the line on this one???? So many prinxiety things I see swing too far one way or the other, I'm rarely satisfied with how either of them are portrayed. Obviously I make no claims on being the utmost authority of their characters but it does make it harder for me to enjoy.

9. Royality: Again the history. If it's purely fluff in an AU where everybody is happy, I will eat that shit up. But in canon...Patton's relationship with Roman is complicated and reading that stuff can be triggering for me, so I tend to err on the side of caution.

10. Moceit: WOW the dynamic between these two is FRAUGHT. Which is some people's cup of tea, just not mine. I've read some excellent stuff for these two but I won't seek it out.

11: Dukexiety: This is where we get into platonic v romantic interpretations. I am aroace, take that as you will. These two? Brothers to me. Definitely. Have no issue with people who see this as romantic, just not for me.

12. Anxceit: Also brothers for me. More complicated brothers. Again, ship whatever you want, these boys are fictional, do whatever you like, this just ain't it for me sis.

13. Moxiety: I feel like it says something that most of the Patton ships are near the bottom. It does, and my feelings about Patton's relationships with most of the Sides in canon is...troubling to me. I prefer the platonic interpretations of these two.

14. Intruality: I don't think I've...ever read anything for these two??? So really got no comments?

15: RemRom.

Favorite ot3 is roloceit. definitely. but if we're doing favorite of all favorites, it's the found family for me. DLAMPR. gimme all of 'em.

WOW that's a long post.

[telehxhtrash]

I know its a big debate but I am not a dudebro for thinking killua and gon are platonic. I have no problem with people who do at all, but I honestly just think they have a strong friendship, and I am for encouraging boys to have these types of bonds with each other ~screw toxic masculinity~ I like following your blog btw

Hi ! First of all, thank you for liking my blog! I’m glad you’re enjoying my content even though I’m killugon trash HAHAH

Oh lord, it really is a big debate. I’m not calling everyone who doesnt like a romantic reading of killugon a dudebro, only the people who are vehemently against it because they say people are projecting and that there is no basis to our claims that hxh is queer work.

This is gonna be me ranting for a bit because it’s a subject that’s very dear to me so i’m very sorry in advance, it’s not against you, just a general statement !

I totally agree that fuck toxic masculinity. It’s so fucking toxic and men should be allowed to show emotions, affection and care openly without fearing for repercussions. And having portrayals of friendships where the characters are not afraid of sharing their love with the other in a totally platonic way is amazing.

However. 

There’s been countless representations of this type of relationship in media over the years. In every media, not only anime. I always cite the same example, but take Naruto who is the example that speaks to me the most. (ive never seen it so dont flame me if i say dumb shit). But from my understanding, Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship was a full on middle finger in the face of toxic masculinity. They shared a deep bond, pretty much like Killua and Gon’s. I know a lot of people shipped them because their relationship was borderline homoerotic, but in the end it was just a beautiful representation of a very deep platonic friendship. 

And when you’re queer, it’s heartbreaking. Because you’ve been projecting this entire time, for the work to tease you, to literally bait you into showing you inherent queer behavior only for it to say “haha lol jk” at the end is fucking rough. Especially when you’re young and questioning your sexuality, looking at relationships between two best friends and thinking “oh, this feels like I feel when I’m with my best friend, is this romantic love?” and then the work saying nope haha its purely platonic ! its rough. trust me. 

The community doesn’t have a lot of positive, healthy queer relationships to identify with. Especially in anime. Most queer relationships are labeled under the special genres “shounen ai” and “yuri” (both of these categories painting queer relationships in the worst possible ways ever btw, but thats a whole other subject). But it’s fucking sad. Because we deserve to see queer representation in works that are not classified as those genre. We shouldn’t have to dig into a particular genre to identify with characters : there should be queer representation no matter the genre, whether it be a shoujo, a seinen, or for example, a shounen battle manga.

And that’s why HxH is so important to the queer community. Because it displays just that. That you can have good queer representation in non shounen-ai genres. That queer relationships are normal and should not have to be classified under a certain category. 

A lot of queer people identify and recognize HxH as queer work, because of a few reasons. Togashi has always been interested in queer representation, having put queer characters in every single one of his works. There was a trans girl in YYH, a trans man in Level E, Alluka in HxH. Togashi also wrote several gay characters in both of these works. I always repeat myself on this, but Togashi also wanted to write a gay sports manga, but was turned down. His favorite manga when he was younger was a shounen-ai. So yes, Togashi has deep history and is very involved in queer representation.

Togashi is also very fucking smart. Just look at all the metas people are producing every day about hxh and understand how much effort togashi has put into his work : he’s a smart man, who makes conscious choices about everything he puts in his manga. So when you see the way he portrayed Killua and Gon’s relationship, and for now most importantly Killua, you know it’s not accidental. Togashi has put SO much subtext in his work about Killua in general, from his birthday being Tanabata to him wanting to commit a lovers’ suicide with Gon, and Togashi KNOWS how it comes across, he’s not dumb. He knows what those things mean, he knows that a shinjuu is a heavily connotated word, and that people, ESPECIALLY JAPANESE PEOPLE who have the cultural context, are gonna think “oh, maybe Killua is gay”. Because that subtext is intentional. And there’s a lot of it. If you haven’t read my post on the subtext of HxH, I invite you to do so because there’s a LOT of it. 

In short, HxH has the subtext, has the potential and has the one author that is not afraid of putting queer stuff in his work. That’s why Killugon is so important to the community, and that’s why a lot of people, especially queer folks, insist on the romantic reading of their relationship. 

Because it’s extremely important to queer people. Positive representation of queer relationships in anime is hard to come by, ESPECIALLY in the shounen genre. And sadly, because our society is drowning in deep internalized homophobia, people easily dismiss queer behavior in media as platonic actions.

How many times have I seen people assess that two people of opposite genders in an anime are in love only because they looked at each other once (take Ponzu and Pokkle for example). Or because they held hands. Our society is so quick to romanticize interactions between two people of different genders, but fail to do the same when it’s same-gender pairings. 

Straight people hand holding, kissing, blushing around each other, admitting their love out loud, looking at each other’s eyes deeply are immediately categorized as in love. But when it’s people of the same gender, people immediately say “it can be platonic”. And whether you’re aware of it or not, that’s internalized homophobia.

That’s why it’s infuriating to see people dismiss the subtext that Togashi has tried SO HARD to plant throughout his story. Because it’s there, and if Killua was a girl, there’d be way less people opposed to a romantic reading of their relationship. Because it’d be widely accepted that Togashi is writing them as a developing couple, no questions asked. 

Which brings me to my final point (promise, I’ll stop ranting after this). Sadly, the voices of the people who assert a platonic reading of a relationship are often louder than the voices of queer people who identify with the work. When confronted with an ambiguous relationship between a same-gender pairing, people unconsciously tend to choose a platonic reading of the relationship. Which is harmful to the queer community, because the voices of the queer people who identify with the work are silenced. 

In conclusion, yes, representations of deep platonic friendships without toxic masculinity are good, and very much encouraged. We’ve just had a shitton of those over the years, and queer people are craving for proper representation. Togashi is deeply invested in positive queer representation, has planted a lot of conscious subtext in HxH, and he’s the one author that would NOT queerbait. So people being insistent that Killua is pretty much canonically gay, and that it’s likely that Killugon will be a romantic pairing is not for the sake of mindless shipping. It’s because there are a lot of reasons to believe that this is Togashi’s intention.

And like I said, sadly, people insisting on a platonic reading of their relationship is unintentionally harmful to the queer community, because people are so quick to dismiss elements that make queer people identify with the work as platonic behavior, dismissing queer people as “wishful shippers”. 

There are plenty of reasons to believe that HxH is queer work, and while platonic readings of killugon’s relationship are valid, it sucks that it’s become overbearing in the anime community, to the point where outside of tumblr, people literally bully you for thinking that there’s a possibility Killua might be gay and in love with Gon. (trust me, i’ve faced a lot of people saying that it’s disgusting to label killua as gay)

So yes ! Killugon can be read as platonic. The queer community is just very adamant about people not dismissing Togashi’s subtext because HxH is the healthy, positive representation we need. It’s a beautiful piece of work that has the full potential (and who is most likely headed this way) to display a healthy, loving, positive canon gay relationship between two of its main characters. 

Showing that a shounen battle manga can feature a canon gay relationship, showing that you can be young and gay and what you thought was best friend behavior was maybe romantic and that it’s okay because feelings change and are hard to figure out especially when you’re young and queer !! 

And most importantly showing that unlike every portrayal of deep male best friends relationships in shounen anime that turn out to be painted as purely platonic, sometimes behaviors that queer people identify with ARE queer behavior, and not just platonic love, but romantic, homosexual love. 

[justwhumpythings]

Hi! I wanna ask you for some advice because I see you as this ol'grand elder of the whump community :D I've been a lurker only so far.. but I'd like to try my hand at writing & start to interact. But the problem is - I like these out of the way characters that have virtually no fandom currently. I prefer to write only platonic stuff too. So, if I wrote platonic whump abut characters that are kinda not popular (an OLD famous trilogy) would ppl be interested? Or shld I keep my writing to myself?

Hi! *puts on old granny voice* So, young person, you want to do a whump?* lol. I have no sage qualifications beyond having been here for a little while longer than some people, but thank you anyway. I’ll try to give my best advice.

Tbh I think you might be surprised how popular platonic content is within the whump community. I know shipping is a big deal in fandom generally but honestly a lot of the whump content I see here is gen stuff, and people love that shit.

The thing with small/non-existent fandoms and minor characters is a bit trickier. Sometimes, people who aren’t in the fandom might like your writing for itself and/or maybe even get into the fandom because of it. You might end up with only a small group of very loyal followers.

But there’s no guarantee.

At the end of the day, it’s up to you if you want to share your writing. You don’t have to; it’s fine to just keep it and enjoy it for yourself. There are other ways to interact if you want to. But if you want to post it - go for it! I guess I’d just say be cautious about it, and try to keep your expectations realistic. I’d hate for you to be disappointed if the writing doesn’t get as much interest as you’d like because of being for a small target audience. But then, this community is normally super welcoming and, well, we love us some whump. It could be worth the shot!

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck and hope you continue to enjoy writing and your time in this community!

[impatient14]

Not to be “annoying on main” but like most things here in the year 2020, a lot of the nuance and reason surrounding the fandom’s fight over Dean’s queerness is lost to the wily temptress that is extremity, and I want to throw some stuff out there in case anyone is thinking the same things and just needs to hear that someone else is too.

To my followers and anyone who dares look through my blog (honestly don’t recommend it), it’s obvious I’m someone who enjoys the Dean/Cas pairing. And when I say enjoy, I mean I absolutely get feral about a wide range of topics that involve their relationship, depiction, and reception. I’ve always kept my opinions within the confines of my blog, though, and I’ve never--not once in the decade of my life on Tumblr--gone into inboxes to send hate or even indirect someone with hate or drama on my blog. That shit just ain’t kosher.

That being said, some of the anti-destiel arguments out there have merit.

Like, for example, Destiel shippers not liking the show. Personally, I did like Supernatural originally, but I also recently recommended new watchers who came for Destiel to just watch certain episodes. I’ve stopped watching Supernatural several times throughout my Supernatural journey (which started in real time with season one), because the writing can be down right awful. There were lots of great examples of writing too, but it wasn’t consistent enough for me to keep watching in real time. So I'd watch a season behind on Netflix. At some point, things got bad enough (the bro-dependence, recycled or unimaginative plotlines, the terrible treatment and fridging of female characters) that I did keep coming back for Dean and Cas only (and honestly, it was sometimes only Castiel). 

Another worthy anti-destiel point for consideration is the fact that other than destiel shippers, a lot of people who watch Supernatural don’t care about Castiel. This seems to be correct. I’d wager to say that the vast majority of Supernatural watchers did not invest even a portion of time, energy, or emotions in Castiel that we did. That’s cool. I’ve been a casual viewer of a show and been blindsided by things that their fanon saw coming a mile away. Everyone has different perspectives, and the idea that Castiel isn’t integral to the plot when you remove the possibility of Destiel is absolutely correct.

However.

Why did they keep bringing him back? It’s true that he could easily be written out when his relationship with Dean is bro-ified, but his deaths never took until the end (and even then it didn’t). Sure, it could be “pandering,” but if only 1% of the Supernatural fandom ships destiel (as stated in one argument), it seems like a strange choice monetarily. Misha, as a series regular, wasn’t exactly giving out his services for free (eyyoo), so producers and the network wouldn’t give a second thought to the vitroil and threats creators and actors would get if Misha were written off. (Side note: I categorically *hate* the social media accessibility that lets people directly interact so negatively with creators to the point of dangerous conditions. It’s the most ugly and embarrassing side of fandom.)

It could be argued they kept bringing him back because they knew hellers and Cas lovers would continue to buy his Merch and what not, but I can’t imagine the small percentage of viewers who are invested enough in Castiel to buy his Merch would compensate for Misha’s annual salary. (But honestly, numbers aren’t my thing so *shrug*) But it could also be argued that the perceived destiel headache for creators, plus the retention of Misha’s salary, would be enough to get rid of him if not for a crucial role he plays in the show. Creators have repeatedly said that Cas’ whole character revolves around his relationship with Dean, so that means the writers felt that the Cas/Dean relationship was important to the fabric of the show--in whatever way you’d like to see it. Does that mean viewers have to see it that way? Definitely not. But that’s not the story the writers are telling you they’re writing--

Oh, that sounds familiar!

All the textual gay jokes, narrative devices, and creator interactions (not just Misha, but writers, producers, and other actors too) created the metaphorical pink elephant, not the shippers themselves. And to be told otherwise is some gaslighting bullshit. I agree some fans take it too far and freak out at the mere mention of a non-destiel reading, but the foundation for a destiel reading is based in text, not just in the shippers heads. The relationship between the Supernatural creators, actors, and fandom is undoubtedly toxic, which is why I think it makes it easier for them to deny various romantic interpretations of Dean and Castiel's relationship, but (and i hate to do it) in their defense, they definitely wrote enough into the text to justifiably claim Dean's a nohomodudebro. However, they've also written enough into the text to legitimately doubt (not definitively deny) his heterosexuality.

IMO (for the maybe two people wondering) Dean became bisexually coded in a very complicated conglomeration of a homophobic “its funny to be gay” kind of way, the chemistry between Jensen and Misha, countless production decisions, and Castiel’s growing and canonical love for Dean---which all makes the matter impossible to ignore. On more than one occasion the writers made choices that welcomed a destiel reading--not confirmed--but welcomed (which is, wait for it, queerbaiting!). I’d be shocked if no one read Dean as being queer coded and secretly in love with Castiel, who btw, is absolutely 100% romantically in love with Dean Winchester. The writers kept making decisions that fed hellers so well because Castiel is in love with Dean. It’s not just Misha who has confirmed it btw, but the writers themselves. You’re allowed to read it differently, just like destiel shippers read Dean differently than the writers have claimed, but you don’t get to tell other people they’re wrong--just like destiel shipping should never have gotten to the point were anyone who didn’t see destiel was reading the show wrong. However, the difference between saying Cas’ love is platonic and saying Dean’s love is queer is the difference between having zero textual evidence for a platonic reading of Cas’ love, and having lots of textual evidence for Dean’s heterosexuality. (Personally? My headcannon for Dean fluctuates between “so closeted he doesn’t even know he’s actually bisexual” and “very much aware he’s also into dudes but is pushing it down because : Winchester ™.” However, I’m more than happy to admit that my headcannon can’t be reasonably confirmed as fact. It can, however and like most headcannons within the destiel fandom, be comprehensively and intelligently argued to the point of exhaustion.)

The only reason to deny that 1.) it’s reasonable to read Dean as being queer-coded, not canonically bisexual, but queer-coded via textual and production decisions, and 2.) Castiel is romantically in love with Dean-- is if you’re someone who can’t give credit to the opposition just because they’re the opposition. Just because I hate Trump and think he’s the spawn of Putin’s asshole doesn’t mean I can’t admit he did *some* good work for criminal justice reform. The credibility of your argument goes to crap when you can’t admit when someone else has a good point- even if you don’t agree with their overarching theory or idea.

Obviously, the state of the Supernatural fandom is pretty much what it will be forever. Getting thousands of people to admit that its normal to find evidence to support an argument you don’t agree with (something philosophers do all the time because there is no such thing as truth and the world isn’t black and white and its shades of grey that make the rainbow bright and on and on and on), is definitely not in the cards for us. But, this is just me, throwing my altogether unnecessary opinion out there. 

(If you’re one of those people that like to troll people just for having an opinion and expressing it respectfully, please consider not doing that. I am but a baby in a trench coat.)

[oboe-she-didnt]

I just finished watching the X-Files and I have a lot of thoughts

Yes it’s 2021 and I’ve finally finished a show I should have seen ages ago. Normally I might make a YouTube video with all my thoughts but I feel like doing something more immediate and since no one I know has seen it...here I go.

Going in nearly blind (besides knowing “Mulder’s the believer and Scully’s the skeptic” thank you ATS, Mulder/Scully is one of the quintessential ships of fandom history, and there was a reboot or something a couple years ago) I found myself rather hooked from the beginning. I enjoyed the practical effects, the seasons-long mysteries (though sometimes not knowing the answers got frustrating), and the way the show managed to stay fresh for its original 9 season run. It was definitely a well-crafted show with a good balance of monster of the week episodes (further divided into procedural monster of the week - your average monster/witch/freak of science killing random people - and character-based monster of the week - the haunted house on Christmas is the first episode that comes to mind) and lore/mythology building episodes (everything tying back to the alien conspiracy aka anything that said “Written by Chris Carter”)

I can see where the Mulder/Scully chatter has come from. I was definitely shipping them very early on, and not just in a “ooh they’re rivals so of course I’m gonna ship them” kind of way I was expecting going in. They are one of those examples of fictional soulmates, platonic, romantic, two people who are essential in the others’ lives. They are the epitome of “the best romances come from people who work well together”. Literally. They balance each other, even when sometimes the roles would get flipped. You need a logician and you need a believer in your search of The Truth. I also appreciated overall it seemed an equal balance between each of the pair getting “damseled”. It wasn’t Mulder saving Scully all the time (another thing I was kind of expecting). The one thing I’m still puzzling over is which one I would consider the one main protagonist, if I had to choose. My gut says Scully, she’s the audience insert brought into this fantastical world who grows to open her mind a little. But by the end, it’s Mulder who has all his questions answered, his purpose for coming to the X-files complete. Mostly. Pretty much. There’s always another conspiracy, though.

I will stand by my early observation that my absolute favorite parts of the show are Scully’s right arching eyebrow and Mulder’s inability to function like a normal human when she’s out of the office. I never thought I’d get emotional over pencils stuck to the ceiling but it happened.

And now a rundown of thoughts on all the main characters...

Mulder: Two things I said most often to the TV: “you cheeky little shit, you’re gonna get yourself killed” and “oh honey I want to give you a hug!” I also wish I had done a little more BTS research besides figuring out where and when to watch the 2 movies because that would have saved my two season litany of “he’s gotta come back, they wouldn’t kill one of the main characters off offscreen, he’s written and directed episodes, I would have heard at some point if he got fired, Chris Carter’s just pulling a conspiracy of his own, he’s fucking with the audience by pulling him off the credits, right right RIGHT?” and then I should have figured out the reboot was LITERALLY STILL THEM so that would have saved my The Truth litany of “well all his mysteries are solved so I guess his arc’s complete, it’s a supernatural show so I GUESS you can kill off one of the mains in the finale, but there’s too much build up to save him, I would have heard about it if it had THAT kind of ending, right right RIGHT?”

Scully: Two things I said most often to the TV: “Yes you go girl!” and “oh honey I want to give you a hug!” Gillian gets all the credit for wearing those fucking heels for that long and probably didn’t get paid enough for it (though I appreciated their little callout to it in the movie episode). I’m glad they only went to the mystical pregnancy well once, though the build-up was a little too heavy-handed. I can’t wait to rewatch and see the gradual development of her knowledge and understanding, so much so that by the time it becomes her and Doggett as the team, Scully is absolutely without question the “Mulder”.

I also would say, about both of them, that they need a vacation...which they did get...probably not the vacation I was hoping for them.

And now for many less thoughts about the rest:

Skinner: flip-flopped maybe a couple too many times for my liking. Wish we knew a little more about him. Definitely the first person to ship the two of them.

The Lone Gunmen:

AKA “ahh it’s my boys!” (me squealing every time I saw their actors’ names appear in the credits). Nice little extension of the team and interesting to see technology from “back then”. Loved how they used their stories as little breathers after really heavy two-parters. 

Frohike: adorable little grump who knows his kung fu

Langly: did he just choose not to cut his hair for 9 years or did they not let him?

Byers: marry me

Smoking Man: or whatever nickname you want to call him. Yes, I know they revealed his name but I’m not bothered to look it up now. The definition of “you aren’t dead in a supernatural show unless you die on screen” (though he goes and breaks that trope too because hey fan service!). Had me saying “ugh this bitch” every time he appeared on screen so I guess he got the job done.

Krycek: also had me saying “ugh this bitch” and I wish I didn’t learn his actor’s name so early on so I would be more surprised when he showed up in later seasons. I think he worked pretty well as a secondary bad guy and is another I’ll be watching more for in my rewatch.

Marita: grew more tired of her the longer she stayed on. Became less interesting when she was revealed to be in with the Syndicate. Nice to have another female character, though.

Jeffrey Spender: my catchphrase with him was “I wanna slap his little weasel face”. I figured out who he was before it was revealed, though that I blame on my ability to recognize actors...unless it was supposed to be an easy enough twist to figure out? (I guess the actor made enough of an impression in the “greatest hits of Smoking Man: America’s assassin” episode for them to want to keep him around). Did not like him one bit until Season 9. Then my thoughts were mainly “JEFF!? They’re entrusting the safety of William to JEFF!?”

William: okay the episode “William” was pretty much me saying “what the FUCK was that?” and I’m mad I didn’t figure out the Jeffrey twist that time. As for the character, kid deserves better. I was waiting for a Once Upon a Time style knock on the door “hey, I think you’re my mom” at some point but NOPE he had a purpose and they were sticking to it! The ambiguous powers (AKA which came first, this or Stranger Things 2?) were a little annoying, I suppose, but there wasn’t enough time, or interest, to explore it all. Also, pandemic? That sure hit differently to a viewer today than it would have a couple years ago holy shit.

Doggett: didn’t like him at first, which I guess you’re not supposed to, but then he turned into a big old teddy bear. Whatever happened to him? Dude deserved a shout-out in the reboot.

Reyes: loved her from the start, a different kind of “Mulder”. HATE what they did to her in the reboot. I thought she and Doggett were supposed to live happily ever after.

Okay, I think I’m pretty much out of thoughts for now. Excuse me as I start watching all over again, free of some of this “what’s gonna happen next?” anxiety since I now know where it’s all going.