#as long as he stays consistent and keeps his crashes on practice sessions.... why not !

[repsolhonda]

Victories give you confidence. My confidence are super high, but still, in some situations, I'm still struggling a bit. But, in that situation, with more confidence, I think I would have struggled less. So, let's see if we can continue working in that way.

[retrievablememories]

the weekend | jaehyun (m)

title: the weekend pairing: jaehyun x black makeup artist!reader genre: fluff, smut request: “I love the Jaehyun x Stylist scenario can there be a part 2 where it’s like steamy and they are dating in secret with that Noona ana younger guy vibe???👀👀💞💞💞💓” and “Hiya this is the anon asking for a part 2 of Jaehyun and the makeup artist a first date with a little smut thrown in if you are feeling it. Whatever you come up with I'll read and more than likely love it💖💖💖😘😘😘” word count: 4k warnings: car sex, public sex, doggystyle, dirty talk, oral sex (female receiving), fingering, unprotected sex—don’t try at home 🔞 a/n: this is the sequel to style. i think it’s been more than a month since this request was sent in, y’all can throw sticks and stones at me now 💀 this fic is “set” after the release of final round, but let’s pretend it’s actually like november rather than july/august

Even though you and Jaehyun have been together for a few months now, today marks your first date.

All of your “dates” so far have consisted of video chats, phone calls, and text messages—and the occasional sexting session, of course. There’s no denying that you love talking to Jaehyun and hearing his voice over the phone, but you haven’t been able to do much else other than that, which could wear anybody thin.

Whenever you work with him on set, you have to play the part of makeup artist Noona who does nothing more than joke playfully with her client and treat him like a silly younger brother. It’s cute and fun for a while—you are grateful for the time to be around him, no matter how it comes—but you can’t pretend like you don’t want more. Maybe not the full experience of “going public,” but at least being able to be boyfriend and girlfriend around the other staff without it being a huge deal.

Jaehyun, in all his sneakiness, has managed to wrangle you into a supply closet or abandoned practice room a time or two, but there has never been time for anything other than a few stolen kisses. Between your endless assignments for NCT and other SM groups and his comeback activities, you’ve been operating on borrowed time.

But with promotions for The Final Round being long over and your schedule having finally slowed down, now is the time.

At this point, there’s so much tension built up between you that you’re almost afraid either one of you will spontaneously combust if you stay in the same space for long enough. The other boys have noticed and tease Jaehyun about it; even Jungwoo has snitched to you that Jaehyun has moaned your name in his sleep more than a few times.

Even though you’re going out today as an actual couple, you both still have to wear disguises. Lowkey, you’ve never really seen the point of these things; fans can always spot their favorite idols from miles away, but it’s probably better to be safe than sorry. You don’t really know what to expect, but you’re anticipating the date either way, excited to finally get together outside of work.

Jaehyun comes to pick you up that afternoon, and you look out the window to confirm his appearance when he texts you he’s outside. When you go to meet him, your nerves are alight.

You chuck your hat into your lap and pull your mask down when you get inside the car. “Ugh, I don’t like wearing that shit on my head. How are yo—” You’re interrupted when Jaehyun leans over the center console and kisses you full on the lips. For a second you laugh against his mouth at his eagerness, but you let yourself succumb to the kiss.

When he pulls away, it’s clearly reluctant, but he looks at you with his face pink and an overly eager grin on his face. “Sorry, we probably shouldn’t do that out there…” He glances around the apartment complex, but no one is there but you two, and his face betrays the lack of regret he actually feels.

“I don’t mind,” you say, trying to play it cool, though you’re feeling quite the opposite. You’re way too taken in with his dimples and his cute and playful demeanor, and it’s moments like these that make you realize that, despite being his makeup artist, you much prefer his bare face to any of the work you’ve done.

Jaehyun pulls out of the parking lot and you settle into the seat. “Aren’t you glad we finally get to hang out like a normal couple?” His excitement is almost palpable as he taps his fingers on the steering wheel to an erratic rhythm.

“Of course! As normal as it can be when you’re dating an idol, I guess,” you say with a hint of amusement, gesturing to your disguises. Jaehyun sighs a little at that.

“You might not believe me, but I still feel really lucky that you chose me, you know,” he says. “I mean...you could just date someone who you don’t have to go through all this extra shit for, someone you could see regularly, and I’m sure it’d be easier, but…”

“Don’t say that. I don’t care about that, Jaehyun; if I wanted that, I’d have it. This is different for me, but I don’t regret any of this.” You grab his free hand that’s resting on the console and slip your fingers between his. “You don’t have to be self-conscious about it or anything.”

Jaehyun squeezes your fingers between his and gives you a smile in return.

You and Jaehyun go to a restaurant he’s talked about before, claiming it serves some of the best pork belly in the area. It’s a little fancier than you expected it to be, and you would’ve dressed up more if you knew, but Jaehyun insists that what you’re both wearing is fine. It’s not like anyone one else will be judging you, anyway; the restaurant has a private dining room, which he reserved so you’d have some privacy while you eat.

“You really went all out, huh?” you say, giving him a sly look after you both sit down.

“Why not? You only get one first date. Got to make a good impression,” he says, putting his chin in his hand.

“We’re already together, I don’t think there’s much chance of me rejecting you at this point.” You laugh. “But you know I appreciate the effort.”

Jaehyun grips your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles and smiling softly. “Anything for you.”

You and Jaehyun talk as you wait for your food to come, filling each other in on all the things you didn’t get to say over the phone or simply forgot about until now. Even though you talk or text over the phone at every opportunity, you’re a little surprised to find there’s still so much to discuss in person.

“It’d be nice to have a vacation...like, a real getaway. Two weeks. A month. Not just a few days off from recording or filming or whatever the hell they decide to have us do that week,” Jaehyun says wistfully once you eventually land on the subject of your jobs.

“Where would you go if you had that time off?” you ask, clasping your hands together as you anticipate his answer.

He shrugs. “Anywhere is fine, I don’t have a real preference...as long as you’ll come with me, of course.”

“Maybe the stars will align and our schedules will allow it someday,” you say, though you aren’t optimistic that it’ll happen any time soon. You already know a new round of SM comebacks is coming soon, which means you’ll be busier than ever. You don’t work with every group or idol, but just 1 or 2 comebacks means dozens of promotional appearances, which you’ll need to be on hand for.

“If that happens, we could go to the beach...” Jaehyun spins his fork around in his hand as he thinks.

“The beach is very ambitious.” You giggle, though it’s half-hearted. “There are way too many people there. People who could recognize you.”

Jaehyun has that face again, which tells you he wants to say but I don’t really care who finds out, but you assume he’s not actually that reckless. Maybe. “It wouldn’t be impossible,” he says slowly, “if it was nighttime. Or a beach people don’t go to often. Or a private beach.”

“Maybe,” you say thoughtfully, tracing your finger across the tablecloth. You’re both talking about it like it’s some far-off thing, but you can already see the wheels turning in his mind, and somehow you feel this beach trip might come sooner than you think.

Much sooner, actually.

After you leave the restaurant, Jaehyun makes good on his idea and actually takes you to the beach; the closest one is a little over an hour away from Seoul. It’s a last-minute thing, and you’re both exhilarated and anxious at the same time. You pester him with questions about the other people who’ll inevitably be at the beach, although that doesn’t do much to dampen your enthusiasm; taking this trip just means more time with him. And God knows you both need these hours together however you can get them.

“It’s almost winter,” he insists. “Hardly anyone will even be out there to see us. And if there are some people, we can just keep our disguises on.”

“Yes, almost winter, which means it’ll be freezing cold, too.” You shake your head at his smirk, and you know he’s thinking he’s just had the most genius idea ever. You wrap your arms around yourself at the thought of the temperature outside.

“If you get cold, just stay next to me. I’ll keep you warm,” Jaehyun says this like he’s just made some heroic declaration, and you look at him for a few seconds before you both burst into laughter.

“Here you go with the kdrama lines again.” You roll your eyes, leaning against the window as you watch other cars speed past on the highway. “I’ll be waiting for your acting debut, Mr. Jung.”

“Promise you won’t get jealous if I do?”

“Please! There’s no reason to be jealous,” you reply coolly. “I’m the one who gets to have you all to myself, after all.”

When you get to the beach, it’s about as empty as Jaehyun predicted it would be, to your surprise. There are a few stragglers here and there, but they’re too far off from where you are to worry about. You’re decidedly less nervous once you see this, and you let him tug your hand and pull you onto the sand like a thrilled kid.

“This is pretty,” you admit as you watch the waves crash against the shore. There’s nothing but sand and water for miles—enough to lose yourself in. You hold your hat closer to your head as a sudden strong breeze threatens to carry it off.

You and Jaehyun walk along the sand, and you make him walk on the inside closest to the water because you don’t want the cold tide splashing you as it rushes in. He doesn’t care nearly as much as you do about it, which makes you shake your head in amusement. He even takes his shoes off at one point.

“You’ll catch a cold out here,” you say, raising an eyebrow at his bare feet in the water.

“I’ll be fine,” he insists. “Even if I get sick, I’ll get to have you as my sexy nurse, so I’m not complaining.”

“You’ve got a lot of balls! Who said I’d be your nurse? You’d probably make me wear one of those goofy ass nurse costumes straight out of a porno.” You snort at the idea of that, though secretly, you don’t hate it.

“Don’t tempt me.”

You turn your head away from him, holding back your giggles but mostly so you can resist the urge to jump him then and there. “You’re so immature sometimes.”

“You still love it, though.” Before you can respond to that, Jaehyun leans closer to you and plants another wet kiss on your lips. You stumble in the sand a bit, but he slips his arm around your waist to steady you and press your body closer to his.

You quickly lose yourself in the kiss, focusing on nothing but Jaehyun’s lips on yours and the thunderous sound of the waves crashing against the shore. Jaehyun lowers his inhibitions as he deepens the embrace, his hands sliding to your ass.

“Your ass is so soft,” he groans, gripping the soft flesh and pushing his hips into you. You can already feel that he’s hard and straining against his pants.

“Horny bastard,” you giggle against his lips, though you could probably say the same for yourself, unable to part from his mouth for even a whole second. Your tongues slide together, and one of Jaehyun’s hands shifts from your ass to travel underneath your sweater. You don’t want to, but you manage to pry yourself away from him. “Maybe we should go back to the car. I know it’s hardly anyone out here, but I ain’t tryna get arrested…”

Jaehyun sighs, planting a few more kisses on your neck and collarbone. “Do we have to?” You try not to throw your reasoning to the wind as you stroke his hair and bring his face back up to be level with yours.

“Do you plan on fucking here? Because you’ll be washing sand out of your ass for days.”

“Well, when you put it like that...guess you’re right. Let’s go, then.” He finally steps away from you, only to hook his arms under your legs and sweep you off your feet, carrying you back to the car.

“You never quit!” You cling to his arms as if you’re afraid he’ll drop you as he walks you back to the car, with you kicking your feet and laughing the whole time. When he finally sets you down, your shoes touching the gravel of the parking lot, he unlocks the back door and you both slip into the backseat of the car.

Jaehyun shuts the door behind you both, finally closing you off from the cold. He leans over the console to put the key in the ignition and turn the heat on, and you take the opportunity to smack his butt while he’s up. He sits back with a fake shocked expression on his face, and then he tries to grab your arm and twist your body around so he can do the same to you.

You cry out and try to shield your butt from him, but he lands a smack hard enough to sting, and you punch him in the arm. “Ow! I didn’t do it that hard to you!” You two end up playfighting in the back of his car, both your hats flying off in the tumble as you push your hands against his chest in an attempt to stop him from tickling you to death.

You end up lying on your back with Jaehyun hovering over you, his warm breaths hitting your face as he laughs. He pulls his mask off fully so you can see his face, and you do the same.

Jaehyun tilts your chin up and kisses you, his other hand on the hem of your sweater as if he can’t decide if he wants to pull it up or go underneath it. He eventually settles on the former when he tugs it upwards to rest above your breasts, his lips never parting from yours the entire time. With this new access, he gropes your tits, kneading the flesh softly and pressing his thumbs into your nipples through the fabric of your bra.

You push your chest closer into his hands, relishing his gentle but firm touches on your body, and he presses forward more to slide his tongue past your lips, exploring the warm confines of your mouth. In turn, your hands go underneath his sweater and shirt, diving under the fabric and caressing his firm abs.

“Your hands are cold,” he smiles against your lips, sucking the lower one into his mouth after speaking.

“Because you brought me to a beach in the middle of November,” you reply, pressing your fingers deeper into his skin and absorbing his body heat. Your hands drift higher and ghost across his nipples, making them harden in response to your touch.

Jaehyun’s lips move to your neck again, biting at your pulse point and leaving soothing kisses in their wake, although he doesn’t spend much more time there before burying his face into your cleavage.

“No more low-cut tops for me,” you say breathlessly as he practically devours you and leaves marks behind on your skin. You wish to do the same to him, but that would only raise questions from the other stylists and the managers, who you’re not interested in doing battle with. Jaehyun answers that by pulling your bra cups down and sucking your nipple past his lips, swirling his tongue around the tip in a way that makes your legs tremble.

You move down towards the waistband of his pants and unzip them, pushing your hand into his underwear and gripping his dick. It twitches in your grasp, and his breath comes out hitched as you squeeze and stroke him as best you can while his jeans are still on.

“Fuck,” he says as he sits back, separating you from him and undoing your jeans. He pulls your pants off, and you help him shimmy them down in the small space of the car. Your underwear comes off soon after, discarded under one of the seats. You’re already wet enough to be glistening, and Jaehyun decides to take a taste of it, maneuvering you both so he can bury his mouth between your thighs.

You whimper quietly as he licks into you and pulls your clit into his mouth, curving his fingers inside you just like he said he would in all those nasty messages you sent to each other. Your mind and body are electrified with how good it feels, your hips pushing up to be closer to his mouth as he indulges in you, making a mess of his face.

Before you can come, though, Jaehyun pulls away from you, which makes you curse. You reach for him, though he’s quicker than you and shies away from your grasp. “Get back here before I kick your ass.”

Jaehyun pushes his pants and underwear further down, revealing his hard dick to you. “I’ve got somethin’ better for you. Get on your hands and knees for me.”

More shuffling ensues as you balance yourself on your hands and knees on the backseat of the car, Jaehyun settling in behind you. “This ain’t very comfortable.” It’s not the worst thing in the world, but there are definitely better places to fuck than inside a cramped vehicle.

“Sorry, babe. I promise the next time we have sex will be on a feather-lined King-sized bed, but until then…” The tip of Jaehyun’s dick slides across your ass and then through your pussy lips, nudging at your entrance. He teases you by pushing it in and then taking it back out, and you quickly grow tired of his games, wanting him to fuck you for real.

“Haven’t we both waited long enough?” You wiggle your ass against him and try to back up so he’ll slip inside, but he holds your hips in place and continues rutting against you like it’s the only thing he wants to do.

Finally, he acquiesces and slides inside of you, and you both gasp into the heated air of the car at this raw contact. Your fingernails make little imprints in the fabric of the seat as you hang onto the material, letting a shuddering breath pass through your lips. Jaehyun is hard and thick inside you and stretches you out nicely around him, filling that space inside of you that needed to be satisfied.

Your head hangs low as he begins thrusting into you, a little slowly at first and then more steadily as he gains a good rhythm. You keep your moans to a minimum, afraid to alert anyone outside to your presence in the car—even though they would most definitely see you before they hear you. Jaehyun isn’t having that, though, as one of his hands sneaks around to your front to stroke your clit; the added sensation makes you push back against him harder, wanting him as close as possible.

“Why are you hiding those pretty sounds, Noona?” he asks teasingly. “You told me all those times over the phone how you wanted to moan for me...why aren’t you doing it now?” He rocks his hips into you a little differently, rubbing against your spot, and you can’t help the groan of pleasure that slips out after that motion. You press your sweaty forehead against the seat, trying to gather breath. You never thought of yourself as being someone who gets off on honorifics, but in this context, it’s doing something to you.

“We’re in the middle of a parking lot, if you didn’t notice,” you say through gritted teeth, trying to keep your voice low and steady as he keeps sliding against that spot, the soft slap of your bodies being the loudest sound in the car.

“A nearly empty parking lot at night,” Jaehyun retorts, pressing his fingers more firmly against your clit. His hand slides lower to where you’re connected, and he uses your wetness to help him circle his fingers more smoothly. You can only roll your eyes; he has a response for every argument you try to bring up. You can’t be bothered with that, though, as your mind gets increasingly hazy from how he continues fucking into you without a single worry.

Your attempts to stay quiet become more difficult as Jaehyun’s pace increases, like he’s purposely trying to overwhelm you with stimulation. The one hand that was still holding your hip comes to your front like the other, though he reaches up higher so he can grasp one of your breasts, pinching at your nipple.

“Fuck, baby,” Jaehyun grunts, pushing into you hard enough to make you yelp. “We waited too long for this. Should’ve just fucked you in the practice room.” A moan slips out at that, even though you try to hide it, and of course Jaehyun doesn’t miss it. “Do you like the thought of that? Want the whole group to see you taking my dick? Little exhibitionist.”

You can’t deny how your pussy throbs at the idea, even if you won’t say it to him. Not that you would need to; he can probably feel it. “That’s y-you! Th-this was your idea, pervert.”  

“Stop acting like you don’t love this dick.” It’s getting to the point where you can feel yourself climbing that summit towards your climax, yet you still need that extra push to get you to the top. If there’s anyone else in the parking lot right now, it’s already too obvious what you’re doing inside the car, so allow yourself to forget about trying to be inconspicuous and freely push back on Jaehyun’s dick, whining at how deep it reaches inside you.

More sweat gathers on your skin, and you’re sure the windows must be steamed up by now.

“Hope you’re gonna soak me,” Jaehyun says, pressing himself closer to your body so he’s draped across your back. The hand he was using to fondle your tits darts to your lower body, and he wraps his arm around your hips so he can hold you in place as he hammers into you. This move pushes you off the edge you’d been clinging to, and you scratch the seat’s material and moan loudly as your walls clench around him and draw him further into your willing body, trying to milk him for his own release.

“God, Jaehyun, please fuck me, please, yes.” You chant this incomprehensibly, uncaring that he’s already fucking you—you’re still going to ask him for more. You haven’t felt this blissed-out in a while. Jaehyun keeps pushing into you after the first orgasm and pulls another gush of pleasure out of you as he searches for his own end.

It finally comes with him hurriedly pulling out of you to spill his cum on your ass, stroking his length to get every last drop out. He groans deeply as he expresses his pleasure, and his sounds make you clench around nothing, wishing he’d come inside you instead.

Jaehyun wipes his cum off you as you slump against the seat and regain your breath, feeling more content than you have in months after finally unwinding that ball of tension within you. Jaehyun seems to feel the same way he keeps covering you with kisses even as you try to pull your clothes back on, satisfaction coloring his features.

“Look, if you want round 2, you’re gonna have to take me to an actual bed.” You playfully wave away his advances, but not before giving him one last long kiss.

“Say no more.” You both climb back to the front of the car and Jaehyun easily pulls out of the parking lot in search of a nearby hotel, readying yourselves for a long night.ahead.

[dorky-thighchi]

please I am in dire need of some slightly unknown/underrated daisuga fic recs master

forgive me anon it took me so long to reply :( but here are the following fanfics i recommend you to read. These fics deserve more kudos and hits! and I added some famous fics on the list because i forgot to add these fics on my previous fic recs list: daisuga fic recs 1 . And if you wanna discover more there are other fic recs posts; daisuga fic recs 2 | daisuga fic recs 3

here’s my fave daisuga being dorks to cheer you up!!!!daichi leaning on suga (suga’s legs)

LONG POST AHEAD AND PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS BEFORE READING!!!

amor et anima by theroyalsavage (cupid and psyche au)

The god of passion falls in love with a mortal man. The rest, as they say, is history.

me, i fall in love with you every single day by earlgrey_milktea (fluff)

They wrestle a bit, Daichi dropping the ladle into the pot as Koushi clings to his middle, refusing to let go. Their laughter fills the kitchen as the curry pot bubbles merrily, and Koushi thinks---not for the first time and definitely not for the last time---that there is nowhere else he’d rather be.the story of daichi and koushi, how they fall in love and never really stop.

Anywhere Else He'd Rather Be by hobbitfromtheshire (fluff)

Suga gets cold. Daichi helps him warm up.

Strike That Pose by fog_mind (Model au)

Daichi 'These shorts are too small for volleyball' Sawamura

In which Daichi is called by a modelling agency to help out and he meets a certain angelic model

First Snow by Feelsripper (First kiss/Fluff)

Walking Suga home had started out as a joke between the two of them, until Daichi realized he sort of liked it way more than he should have.

Speechless by tricerasaurus (Hotel au)

Daichi Sawamura had never in his life had trouble finding the right thing to say.

That is until an unexpected guest enters his life.

Koushi Sugawara and the Heir of Slytherin by Killthespare (Hogwarts au)

The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the Heir beware.

Meanwhile, Suga struggles with his family's reputation. A few trouble-making Gryffindors (and one Slytherin) meddle in Daichi's love life. And, through it all, Hinata finds a very strange diary.

i love you by sugacookie (Fluff)

Daichi and Suga were sleeping shirtless in the same bed. So what? It’s not like that hadn't happened before. They had sleepovers all the time, and often chatted as they changed after practice. It was nothing new, so Suga shouldn't be acting this way, but he couldn't help it.

I Don't Love You (I Always Will) by shingekinoboyfriends (Slowburn)

Things take time. Anything that’s good, anything that matters – things like love don’t happen in an instant, the way they do in movies. They grow. They bloom.

Root of the Root by SedentaryZebra (Canon compliant)

When an extremely famous pop star comes out as gay the day before Suga’s third year of high school begins, he thinks the only impact on his life will be the extra chocolates he will need to buy to console his mother.

He’s wrong.

And That's The Way It Should Be by ofperspicacity (soulmates au)

AU where you only see your colors when you meet your soulmate (and you lose them when they die)

Everything in Sawamura Daichi's life was completely average, thank you very much, until the day he saw his colors and Sugawara Koushi was to blame.

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond by themorninglark (confessions)

Suga has learned to solve his problems, save for one.

It's their graduation day, and he's staring at it.

if i tremble by crunchrapsupreme (smut)

Suga is trying to stay pieced together, but he's gradually being torn apart, broken up into a thousand little pieces, self doubt weighing his body down like a ton of bricks.

But luckily for him, Daichi isn't willing to let him break that easily.

a heavy leaf to turn by lavendrsblue (slowburn)

There’s a part of Daichi that burns steady and silver, a part that wouldn’t be there without Suga and everything he’s given to him in the years they’ve known each other.

Daichi never thought he would see them grow apart.

Iridescent by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead (dragonriders au)

Each year, flocks are formed by putting two senior dragon/rider pairs, two intermediate pairs, and five rookie pairs together. This year, Riders Sugawara and Yaku have been put in charge of Trainee Flock One. They'll have to convince the rider trainees to get along, get the dragons to cooperate - no one is sure how they ended up with every single "problem" dragon - and hopefully keep their intermediate riders, Oikawa and Nishinoya, from arguing too much over whose dragon is better.

winner in the whirlwind by tothemoon (fluff)

In which Suga beats Daichi at games and the latter finds someone to cherish.

(Or, snippets of encouragement and care under the guise of foot races, mischievous bets, and late night sessions of Mario Kart.)

You don't have to lie to me by flabmil (fluff)

Sugawara is strong, but Daichi is there to remind him that he doesn’t always have to be.

Answers Without Questions by SecretMaker (slight angst and smut)

Koushi had learned a long time ago to stop wanting things. He learned to stop wishing, letting his eyes linger too long, wondering what it would be like if only.

There were no if onlys in Koushi’s life.

Years by dawnstruck (fluff)

New Year's Eve. Koushi claps his hands and prays.

A Moment's Grace by shions_heart (smut)

After a botched mission, Daichi and Suga flee to a safe house. A black eye and bruised ribs do nothing to decrease Suga's libido, however.

The Difference Between Kisses by Navybluewings (fluff)

Sugawara isn't expecting much attention when being paired up with Daichi for the kissing booth. It's no secret that the captain is attractive inside and out, a feature that hasn't been lost on the female population or the third year setter. Still, Suga is in no rush to tell Daichi this, content with pining for his best friend in silence.

But the reveal of Suga's sexual orientation and Daichi's curiosity will change their relationship forever. And Sugawara isn't sure if that's a good thing or not.

Big Dai Energy by LessonsFromMoths (single parent au)

Two years ago, Daichi's world turned upside down when his sister and her husband died, orphaning their kids. Daichi made the decision to raise all 3, hoping to make his sister proud. When he decides to move across town to be closer to his friends, and a new person is thrust into their life: Sugawara Koushi, kindergarten teacher extraordinaire.

Chaos, love, and family ensues.

Sugar and Spice by RiChanasaurasRex (omegaverse au/smut)

After constantly seeing each other on campus but having no idea who the other is, Daichi and Suga are both dragged out by their friends to make them forget about each other. Of course, they end up at the same club and, of course, smut ensues.

i could show you incredible things (in the shower) by bishounen_curious (merman au/college au)

Being a siren at college is hard. But finding time to sing in the shower while also not accidentally putting your roommates under your thrall is even harder. Especially when one of your roommates is kinda cute.

bring it here, lover by melonstars (canon compliant)

"Y'know, my students think I have a wife."

Koushi doesn't keep it a secret that he's married. He just hasn't said who it is to his class of 8-year-olds.

I love you enough to give you my everything by Nishinoyass (fluff)

Sugawara is terrified of coming out and he's also in love with Daichi.

Make Out With Me? by GordandV (college au)

“Daichi, I know this is weird and I don’t know you, but my friends dragged me to this party and my ex just walked in so please make out with me,” begged Sugawara, Daichi immediately setting his drink down on the floor and cupping Sugawara’s face between his hands which were surprisingly cool before kissing him.

Captain of the Year by Uniblabblab (smut)

Daichi has won the Captain of the Year award, and the team decides that they will go out for BBQ. Suga can't wait to feel up his Captain till they get home, and for some reason he keeps reminding Daichi about a bunny that he needs to take care of when he gets home.

amor et anima by theroyalsavage (cupid and psyche au)

The god of passion falls in love with a mortal man. The rest, as they say, is history.

me, i fall in love with you every single day by earlgrey_milktea (fluff)

They wrestle a bit, Daichi dropping the ladle into the pot as Koushi clings to his middle, refusing to let go. Their laughter fills the kitchen as the curry pot bubbles merrily, and Koushi thinks---not for the first time and definitely not for the last time---that there is nowhere else he’d rather be.

the story of daichi and koushi, how they fall in love and never really stop.

Anywhere Else He'd Rather Be by hobbitfromtheshire (fluff)

Suga gets cold. Daichi helps him warm up.

As much as you want by twilightlynxx (fluff and smut)

In which Daichi had too much on his plate to worry about the stress of exams and Sugawara makes the perfect tutor.

“Suga you’re… kind of beautiful,” Daichi heard himself say the words, but he couldn’t remember saying them. His vision only seemed to consist of Sugawara.

Booty Call by stillnotovermylordsixth (canon compliant)

“You are not framing a teacher just to get in my pants,” Daichi warns.

“Aww!" Suga whines. "But why not? It’s so romantic!”

“Suga.”

Suga crosses his arms over his chest with a pout.

dogs are great by aalphard (fluff)

prompt fill for "i met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when i asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that's why you're here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger's backyard in the middle of the night" | or the one in which daichi finds a drunk guy in his yard after going for a walk with his dog and lets him crash in his couch for the night.

we live in the now by laurenshappenstobemyhusband (future fic)

"Daichi, quick, you have to come with me to the bar."

I'd go anywhere with you. "What is it, Suga?"

"Oikawa's going to be there with Iwaizumi, and we're going out to drinks with them. Also, we're dating."

The only thing Daichi could bring himself to say was, "Oh, alright."

A Simple Man by daphnethewriter (smut)

Daichi isn't hard to please, but that doesn't mean Suga won't put in the extra work to make sure his boyfriend gets exactly what he deserves.

A study in love by phroobin for Telenovela (fluff)

'Really, Suga and Daichi just make sense.' (A study of the relationship between Suga and Daichi)

Destined to Love by 1redblackflannel (omegaverse au/smut)

It was all because Daichi’s father and Satoshi, the head butler of the Sawamura family, had decided to interview applicants for a vacant butler position.

Daichi is the alpha-heir of the Sawamura family, a very rich and influential group who owned many multi-million dollar companies.

Suga is an omega who has applied to be a butler.

They meet again after many years and decide that maybe, they were destined to love each other.

you are not immune to the boy of your dreams by bokkun (canon compliant)

Before starting his day, Sugawara Koushi remembers five things:

1. Always eat breakfast 2. Always check your stuff before leaving the house 3. Say goodbye to the demon sleeping under your bed 4. Pet the stray cat (or cats) outside your home 5. Don’t fall in love with your cop of a best friend

It’s really simple. Just five things Koushi needs to remember.

Forgotten Papers by letsdoaskit (fluff and slight angst)

Daichi asks Suga to bring him some papers he forgot at home, but why can't Suga enter his classroom?

when the letter says a soldier's coming home by karasunonolibero (angst with a happy ending)

Koushi grabs his arm, hand shaking as he scrawls his address on the inside of Daichi’s wrist. “That’s my college address. Write to me there. And when you come back, I’ll be waiting for you, so find me. Please.”

The smile Daichi gives him is tinged with melancholy. “You shouldn’t wait for me, Koushi. With your looks, you’ll have boys falling at your feet. Take one of them.”

Koushi shakes his head. “Please.”

“Okay.” Daichi brushes a lock of hair from Koushi’s face, squeezes his hand, and then he’s gone.

or, the year is 1968 and all Koushi can do is wait for Daichi to come home.

Weather the Storm by HamletsProzac (smut)

“You could download Tinder.”

Literally nothing good ever comes from following that advice, but Daichi had gone and done it anyway.

Nothing good ever came of following Kuroo’s advice either, and he’d done that too. But really, considering the circumstances, what else was he supposed to do in the middle of a hurricane?

A Tinder hook up turns into kinky sex turns into two nerds pining: a saga.

Ice Bath by stumblinginthestars (fluff)

Coach Ukai decides to test out a new cool-down technique after summer practice one day. Daichi tries not to worry when Sugawara doesn't seem to be handling it as well as the others. He fails.

stupid about you; or, the misadventures of one sawamura daichi by asphodehls (fluff)

Daichi thinks early mornings are shit.

Then the most beautiful man in the world starts frequenting his usual coffee shop, and maybe the early mornings aren't so shit anymore.

If only he could work up the courage to talk to him.

What it says on the box - Daichi has one brain cell and it's entirely dedicated to falling in love with Suga.

Devil's Trap by farethy (talonyth) (smut)

There is a devil hidden in everyone, even in the most angelic being called Koushi Sugawara.

Punishment by carriecmoney (fluff)

Suga must've been a bad man in a past life; not only is he cursed to be a distance runner, but he also has a crush on a discus thrower. Aesthetically, of course. Track and field!AU.

I Could Have Danced All Night by Rinoa11 (12 dancing princesses au)

Daichi has returned from the military, an injured useless soldier with a sick mother. He is taken in to become a palace gardener under Keishin and is sucked into the mystery of the six beautiful princes of the castle who disappear each night and return with ruined dancing shoes. When times get desperate Daichi can no longer ignore the mystery of the six princes before him. Who are they? What is going on? And will he discover their secret or face the punishment of death?

sugar and salt by foreverwonder (detective au)

When a dead body was fished out from the waters of Tokyo Bay, Detective Sawamura Daichi and his partner were assigned to the case. What was first thought to be a straightforward homicide turned out to be the prelude to something more dangerous and Daichi vowed to get to the bottom of it.

He just never expected to fall for the victim’s lover.

The Beast Dancer by Rinoa11 (fantasy au)

The Legend tells of a great Beast bringing destruction to the town, sent down by the gods to punish them for their mortal folly. For ten days and nights the Beast wrought tremors and chaos on the earth, causing panic and terror to spread throughout the land. Until one day a brave hero sealed away the beast after a grand fight.

The Legends also say that the Beast Dancers who seal the Beast away are destined for paradise. Suga wondered about what paradise was like. The priests in the temple told him that he would live a life of bliss as thanks for helping to seal the Beast away. All Suga hoped for was that it would be filled with fields of flowers as far as the eye could see.

It is an honour to be chosen.

a little lost by lavendrsblue (fluff)

Daichi slaps a hand over his face, muffling a groan. Having a kissing dream about Suga while they’re literally sharing a bed—what could be worse, honestly.

The night before Nationals, they're supposed to get eight hours of sleep. Daichi gets considerably less.

not the same night out by suhoya (fluff)

In which Kuroo thinks it would be a good idea to invite his friend Sugawara to their weekly night club visit. Daichi gets easily distracted (forgets how to dance), thinks a lot (and imagines), drinks (doesn't know what), and meets love.

That’s all i can recommend you to read! there’s a lot of amazing daisuga fics i didnt mention here and i wanted to add more but there’s a limit so keep searching for more. Kudos to all writers out there!!! I’ll try my best to make more fic recs so we can appreciate more writers and their stories! Have a nice day! Don’t forget to compliment the author’s work(s)!!!

[meaningofmotorsport]

Hamilton snatches pole & Quartararo inherits it! - Saturday Racing Round Up

F1

That was a qualifying for the ages! It may have had a familiar polesitter, but the rest was pure madness! As ever in qualifying, there were drivers who over and under achieved, on a track which punishes errors!

Saturday is one of the many places where Lewis excels, and today he showed that again, as despite not having the best car, he managed to put it on pole. If Max hadn’t mucked up his last lap, the story may have been different, but because Hamilton did such a great first lap, it put pressure on Verstappen, which led to the error. The other side of the Mercedes garage was frankly abysmal to be honest, this is a crucial year for Bottas, after Russell almost won in a Mercedes last year, and times like this could be what cost him that seat. As for Perez, the ‘No.2 driver’ we expected to struggle, he flew around Imola, likely aided by spending all 3 sessions on one type of tyre, which meant he was really comfortable with it by Q3. Nevertheless, it was a performance which confirms why he was drafted into the team, and means Red Bull have a two pronged attack at Lewis for the race!

It was a session of highs and lows for Norris, who drove unbelievably well, once again outshining his more experienced teammate. He was incredibly close to pole, on a lap that I was in awe of, as I watched it unfold, only for it to be taken away. The two good things to take from this, are that the car has pace well beyond the midfield clearly, which could bode well for tomorrow, and that the FIA have got their act together and are keeping to their rules.

As expected Ferrari and Alpha Tauri had strong pace all day, although they shouldn’t have beaten McLaren, Leclerc is just consistently able to get the most out of the car, which is amazing, and Gasly will be hoping to get some points on the table after Bahrain. The worry for them will be the two Orange cars behind, who can split strategies and attack them from all directions in the race. Their respective teammates did not fair as well, Tsunoda made a rookie error which is understandable, whereas Sainz just couldn’t put the lap together when he needed it, I am sure they will both get there over time.

Alpine and Aston Martin are holding on to the top ten by their fingernails as expected, they may well be able to get a point or two if we see some chaos in the race, or through good strategy, as their pace isn’t far behind the other 3 teams. Alonso and Vettel, who are meant to be the more mature and faster drivers, are being comprehensively beaten at the moment by youth, they better hope it changes soon. Another star of qualifying was Williams, who I think have targeted this track as one of their ones to score points at, as we can’t expect this pace all year. They barely missed Q3 with George, and are in prime position to strike on the points if possible! Alfa Romeo may be disappointed with a Q1 exit after how Bahrain turned out, so their may be some head scratching there!

Overtaking may not be easy tomorrow, however that doesn’t mean it won’t have action, it just means that drivers will need to earn positions, which could be great to watch! Then if rain turns up, who knows what will happen!

MotoGP

For the first time this year, a Ducati is not on pole, despite finishing the session top. Bagnaia, put in a screamer of a lap in the dying moments, which was fastest of the session, yet he passed a yellow flag for Olivera, so had to concede the lap. Instead pole honours went to Quartararo, who will likely be annoyed to not have it outright. Fabio has been in front all weekend, so it was no surprise that he will head the grid, and could be unbeatable tomorrow. Although with a Suzuki on the front row in Rins, who is used to fighting back from poor qualifying’s, it could be a thrilling duel between those two.

Rins really outperformed his teammate Mir, who got up to Q2, but was half a second off Alex, not where he needs to be to defend his title. It is a similar story for Fabio’s teammate Vinales, who couldn’t stay on the track, so could only manage 12th on the grid, so it could be long afternoon from there!

Even though Bagnaia missed out on pole, Zarco and Miller are well placed, in 3rd and 4th, so with their whole shot device, they should at least be in the mix in the first half of the race, however I doubt they can fight for the win. Marini, who had been living in the shadows of the other rookies in Losail, finally showed his pace today, not only in reaching Q2 straight from practice, but qualifying  P8, admittedly with help from Bagnaia. Meanwhile for Martin it did not go so well, he crashed badly, causing a brain contusion amongst other injuries, I wish him the best, hopefully he can be back soon!

After looking so good yesterday, today was more realistic for Marc Marquez, only reaching Q2 through Q1, and using his momentum to get P6. From there I don’t think a podium is possible, even for him the bike looks too unstable, so I can see a top ten or maybe top five, but anything else would be a miracle. Morbidelli and Espargaro did well, after not much was expected of them today, if they can stay in the mix tomorrow, it would help their momentum for the rest of the year.

Olivera’s qualifying today, does rather confirm that KTM have taken a step back with their 2021 bike, which is a real shame for a team with so much potential, they need to find answers soon, or try going back to the old bike!

As always in MotoGP, there is no clear form book for the race, that being said, Yamaha and Suzuki look the most favourable, more so Yamaha in the hands of Quartararo, who may be able to continue his run of form. Otherwise expect the usual drama of MotoGP, which could be further heightened with the return of Marquez!

-M

Note – IndyCar preview tomorrow morning after qualifying has occurred!

[turquoisephoenix]

What’s A Little Galaxy-Wide Destruction Between Friends? - Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Five days after saving the galaxy from the Deplanetizer, Elaris is greeted by an old friend, who wishes to talk to her, vent a little, and give her life advice. Unfortunately for her, her old friend also happens to be a freshly transformed robot version of a dangerous criminal madman that everyone believed was dead. Elaris & Dr. Nefarious friendship Characters: Elaris, Dr. Nefarious, Lawrence, Qwark (mentioned) ————————————————

Author's Notes: I also mainly wrote this to write down a headcanon I had for why Dr. Nefarious wanted to blow up Umbris as his main plan in the movie, when a galaxy-wide explosion leading up to "just" city-wide takeovers and roboticization kinda seems like a downgrade on the evil scale. Plus at the end of the day, Nefarious kinda is a goofy idiot in addition to being an evil mastermind.  

Also because Elaris is a gamer and we stan a gaming legend.

----------------

Three weeks had passed since the incident on Umbris and Elaris couldn't be happier.

The weapons technician was grinning from ear to ear as she entered her workplace, practically bouncing on her heels as the events of today's meeting still making her giddy. She set down a bunch of cardboard boxes she was holding down on an empty table and pumped her fists in the air. A scream of joy filled the air.

At last! She was moving out of the broom closet and getting a proper laboratory! They finally listened to her! No more bottles of cleanser and pails of dirty water! No more having to say "excuse me" and awkwardly shove past the janitor to get to her office! No more terrible smells!

At first the process was as slow as it always was - everyone kept pushing back her appeals because they kept saying they had more pressing matters to attend to, where would we find the space, surely this could wait when we just saved the galaxy, Qwark has another book signing today - but then she did something that they didn't expect from a passive nerd like her. Elaris dug in her heels and let herself get a little angry about this issue. She'd raise her voice a little bit, she demanded a little more respect, until finally the group listened.

In other words, she channeled a bit of her inner Dr. Nefarious.

But just a little bit. The part of him that didn't want to murder anybody.

Elaris looked at the corkboard in her office with Dr. Nefarious's photo still pinned to it, where the perfectly happy and organic Nefarious smiled with the blissful unawareness of what would happen to him after that picture was taken. She couldn't help but smile back, even though the person in the photograph tried to blow up the galaxy - with her in it - last month.

She really did have that weird dream meeting with Dr. Nefarious to thank. As the days went by, she started to see that one incident with the robot version of Dr. Nefarious sneaking on her spaceship and coaching her on her job as less of a thing that happened and more like a vision. A spiritual calling if you will.

Sure, it felt real. And for a while, she earnestly believed that it was real. But as the days went by and as her brain thought about it for a little while longer, Elaris began to rationalize to herself that no, it didn't happen and her patrol shift near Umbris was so boring that she fell asleep and had a strange nightmare of a screaming zombie robot telling her to quit her job.

Which is why she wasn't worried about the notification from a "DrN42" popping up on her account after she started an online session of Resistance: Fall of Blarg after her shift.

Apparently they were already friends and their last online activity was years ago, but it was an older game so she thought nothing of it. She accepted and settled into her chair, also thinking nothing of it when the voice chat booted on. She cracked open a can of Nanotech Gamer Fuel Cola ("the drink of true 133ts!" as it said on the side) and adjusted her headset.

"What's up, DrN42." she said into the microphone, in the tone of voice she used for livestreams.

"Testing...testing..."

Elaris made a tiny yell and jumped, her can of Cola flying out of her hand and crashing onto the floor.

Yes, there was no denying it. The voice on the other end of voice chat was Dr. Nefarious. The Dr. Nefarious that was supposed to be dead. The Dr. Nefarious that was supposed to be a figment of her imagination.

Immediately she remembered why the username was still on her friend's list - before he quit the Galactic Rangers, Elaris would try to get him to blow off a little steam by playing a couple online matches, usually after he got into another shouting match with Captain Qwark. She remembered days where both of them were standing side by side in the crowded broom closet, their shoulders touching as they were both in The Zone...

She shook that memory away before she dwelled too hard on it, her face flushing. She hated how much she missed the company of a criminal mad scientist.

That also meant she didn't just imagine that one meeting back on her spaceship. The weird robot in her dream that was yelling to a Lawrence over a cellphone and breathing like he still had a pair of lungs was real and now he was playing an online game with his old work username. Her mind reeled at the revelation.

"I heard a yelp so speakers seem to be working..." he said calmly, snapping her back into reality.

"How...." she stopped herself. "Okay, seriously, what are you even doing?" Her brain was still trying to play catch-up with what was going on. She fought to calm herself down - it's not like he could physically threaten her over an online game or anything after all - as a harsh metallic voice filtered through her speakers.

"I ran into a bit of inventor's block. Managed to get the wi-fi working from the crash site and worked my way there." he explained evenly. She couldn't see, but back on Umbris, he was currently sitting in a chair made out of stolen spaceship parts and twiddling a small wrench in-between two claws as he gently tweaked the sensitivity of his game controller, which was a Frankensteinian chimera of scrap metal and loose wires sitting in his lap.

Behind him, Lawrence was silently dusting. Lawrence didn't want to play, which was fine for Nefarious, because he didn't want to construct a second controller.

"You..." Elaris was still having a hard time making sentences work.

"If you must know, if you take about five repair droids and rip the wiring and chips out of their miserable carcasses, you can cobble together a working game controller out of them." his voice remained calm and at a normal speaking volume, but running underneath it was a seething undercurrent of hatred. "All you really need is some soldering materials and a small screwdriver."

"This is insane." she said, stating the obvious.

"I get that a lot, yes." he continued. Lawrence made a quiet amused noise under his breath but Nefarious wasn't paying attention. "It takes an additional two repair droids for the headset-"

"What if I tell the Galactic Rangers that you're still alive?" she blurted out suddenly, the words falling out of her mouth. She immediately clapped her hands over her mouth in an act of instant regret, but Nefarious didn't seem phased.

"Then you'd have to explain to them how you'd know this information, Elaris." he answered. Even though she could only hear his voice, she could just feel the smug smile crossing his metallic face. "And wouldn't that be an awkward conversation to your fellow galactic heroes?"

Crud, Elaris thought to herself. No wonder he was so calm.

"I'm also using a frequency jammer so don't try tracing my connection back to me. One of the first things I learned during my untimely stay in a prison cell was how to leech wi-fi and go completely undetected..!" he said with a sinister voice, his words taking on such an evil tone that didn't betray the fact that the main reason he learned how to leech wi-fi was because he didn't want to miss any seasonal events in League of Legendaries and wanted to keep his place in the top PVP DPS lists.

"Are you going to use this as blackmail?" she said in a tinier voice than she meant to.

"N-No?" he said incredulously, taken aback. The way he said it instantly defused most of the tension hanging in the air. He sounded almost hurt, of all things. "Calm down, Elaris. I just want to play Resistance and I just happened to see you online. What kind of person do you take me for?"

'Someone who's backstabbed everyone he's ever worked for?' flashed through her mind and while she didn't say it out loud, Nefarious could practically read her mind from the long silence that followed, which caused him to clear his cybernetic throat in embarrassment. There he goes doing the non-robot things again. At least he was consistent.

"I just want to play one online match. You know...for old time's sake. After that, I'll disappear. What do you say?"

She wasn't sure what made her say yes. Was it something in the tone of his voice? Was it curiosity? Or did she believe this was another weird dream, similar to the previous weird dream back when she was patrolling Umbris?

'Stupidity, probably' she thought to herself as DrN42's character loaded into the waiting room. She did the wave emote. In response, DrN42 shuddered a bit and then started walking into a wall. She heard grumbles of annoyance and the angry hammering of buttons as DrN42's attempt at emoting proved disastrous. He managed to get the dance emote working before he sank into the decorative pool that was in the training area map and drowned.

"Are you having any problems there, buddy?" she asked as he respawned and then proceeded to get his character wedged between two bushes. The hammering of buttons continued echoing into her ears.

"Ever had all of your fingers surgically removed and replaced with sharp, clumsy metal claws meant for rending organic flesh and not much beyond that?"

"No?"

"Well....that makes one of us...." he said glumly as his character lurched forward right into another wall. He controlled like someone who never played a video game in his life. He found the fire button and his character started shooting wildly into the air.

"Did you even practice beforehand?" she said in amusement, watching him figure out the controls.

"N-no...." he admitted sheepishly. His character fell into the pool again. "I'll say I have bad lag!"

"Well, too late for any regrets because our match is starting." She warned him, her eyes locked on the countdown clicking down on the HUD. A smile of amusement crossed her lips. This was going to be a virtual trainwreck and she was ready for it.

"Wh-what-"

Before Dr. Nefarious could finish his weak protest, they were both immediately loaded into bleak post apocalyptic ruins. Shades of brown and toppled skyscrapers surrounded them from all directions. Elaris adjusted her headset like a grizzled war veteran as the heavy metal soundtrack of Fall of Blarg flooded the broom closet.

To say that Nefarious "sucked" at this game was an understatement, and possibly an insult to creatures that sucked things for nutrients. Nefarious was so bad at this game that Elaris wondered if there was a correlation between his sudden drop in gaming skill and his unwanted transformation, and made sure to make a mental note to never turn into a robot. He played worse than someone who intentionally played bad for cheap clicks on YouTube, and that was saying something. Elaris was positive was one of his deaths was because he accidentally shot himself in the face with his own weapon, and she didn't even think that was possible in Fall of Blarg.

"Wow buddy, you're kinda bad at this game!" Elaris said as she killed the soldier that was camping on Dr. Nefarious's body and keeping him from respawning.

"SHUT UP, I'M REALLY RUSTY!" was his response.

Elaris couldn't help herself. She was on the battlefield of Resistance: Fall of Blarg - a game where she livestreamed with the Galaxy's greatest champions, a game where she ruled with an iron fist as Queen. He was in her domain now and not even his new robot form could protect him from her fury.

"Oh no, are you already getting rust?" she mocked playfully.

"NOT HELPING!"

"I could suggest some derusting agents, I know you're new to the whole robot thi-"

"WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, MY HEADSET'S ACTING UP!"

Elaris broke out into a fit of laughter, which caused Nefarious to nervously chuckle on his end. She couldn't help it - as absurd as this situation was, she was having a lot of fun. Not even with the wild difference in skill level between her and her partner did her foes stand a chance. She was in Gamer Mode and nothing can stop her now.

One online match became three. Then five. Then nine. Every match, Elaris carried them to victory. While she did enjoy playing babysitter to a wildly flailing partner that drew enemy fire, Dr. Nefarious was a fast learner and actually figured out how to not suck and die on the battlefield. By the fifth match, some of his old Galactic Ranger skill began to come back and soon he was able to pick off one or two kills himself. Still not as good as Elaris, the Iron Queen of Resistance, but at least he wasn't so much of a dead weight anymore.

And honestly, she was having the best gaming session in months. She missed having a gaming partner. In this brief happy moment of leeching company wi-fi to keep her own Internet bill down, Elaris forgot she was playing video games with a scary robot monster that once pointed a giant space station sized weapon at Umbris and tried to blow up the entire galaxy.

'Umbris...'

The exhilarating rush of video games soon gave way to curiosity. Elaris checked the clock. She had been gaming with a bloodthirsty madman for a solid hour now. Normally she was out of Galactic Ranger Headquarters much earlier than this, even during days where she hung back to fix a few bugs on overtime. Now, she wanted to use the voice chat to its full advantage rather than blast enemy soldiers.

"Hey Nef." she said, setting their group to private and cancelling their next match.

"Hrm?"

Elaris looked around. She checked behind her to make sure there was no one walking down the hallway of HQ and then, after a brief hesitation, she lowered her voice and asked the question that was burning on the back of her head, even though she was dreading the actual answer.

"Why did you want to blow up Umbris and kill everyone?"

There was a quick cackle of disbelief - a sudden, pointed "HAH!" - over the other end.

"Where did everyone in the Solana Galaxy get this idea? How is blowing up Umbris going to kill everyone? Umbris is an uninhibited wasteland where Qwark has his stupid training base for squishy meatheads! I thought my motive would be crystal clear in me targeting that worthless mudball of a planet! No one would miss it!"

"W-what..." Elaris uttered in disbelief as her team partner suddenly broke into a rant befitting of a true gamer.

"Don't think I don't read the news! I've been seeing the propaganda from both Qwark's autobiography and that holovid that I was planning to "wipe out everything". Why would I wipe out everything? There's no one to gloat to when you wipe out everything! What did everyone think I was going to do - go to the Bogon Galaxy and march up to the doors of Megacorp like "guess who has six fingers and blew up billions of people"?"

He drew in a breath to calm himself; yelling at Elaris didn't feel nearly as good as yelling at Qwark or at some weird Lombax kid. "I swear you try to atomize one city in a fit of rage and everyone thinks you're a genocidal maniac." he added at last.

She thought back about the Deplanetizer and the holovid made in honor of the heroics of Ratchet and Captain Qwark. They added a couple scenes for Dr. Nefarious about how he was going to reduce the Solana Galaxy into space dust. The planets were perfectly aligning and Umbris has an unstable core - it just made sense that he would've planned this all out.

"Whoa whoa whoa, you mean to tell me that you set up the Deplanetizer to blow up a planet with an unstable core - a move that would've set off a chain reaction and wiped out everything in the galaxy including yourself - entirely by accident?"

"Yes!" he said instantly. There was then an awkward pause as his brain caught up to him. "...wait that would've actually destroyed the galaxy...?"

"Yes! Yes that would've destroyed all the other planets!" she barked back, a little louder than her normal speaking tone.

He went silent for a long period of time, a disconcerting period of time that made Elaris wonder if he lost connection.

Finally he spoke, and his voice was suddenly really quiet.

"I didn't know that..." he admitted.

"WHAAAAAT?!" she screamed.

She couldn't help herself. Anger was flooding her senses and clouding her thoughts. Maybe it was the heat of the online battlefield but she did not like the idea that Nefarious almost killed her - not because he wanted to! She accepted the idea that he had devolved into a bloodthirsty killer at this point! - but because he didn't know a goddamn thing about geology.

"Wait but that means you would've died too..." he added as his brain put the pieces together.

"YES! YES I WOULD'VE DIED, YOU IDIOT!"

He didn't answer, but his embarrassed silence really said it all.

"I swear do you actually spend longer than fifteen minutes thinking your plans through!?" Elaris said, her voice raising in volume until it became a harsh, almost Nefarious-like yell.

"Wow Elaris, you're getting really mad at that game! Is your teammate a total noob or something?" Ratchet called from the hallway. He had caught the last thing that Elaris had said as he was walking by, a doughnut still hovering near his mouth. Ratchet was usually one of the last people to leave Galactic Headquarters on account of all the extra-curricular training he liked doing.

"Yes! Yes, he's very much a total noob! He's normally much smarter than this but he nearly went and got everyone killed!" Elaris yelled back, gesturing vaguely at the screen where both her and DrN42's characters were staring at a poorly-textured wall.

There was a mild chuckle from the Lombax. "Okay Elaris, talk to you later!" and with a quick wave of a hand and a Lombax tail, he was gone.

Another awkward silence descended between them as Elaris fought to get her emotions back under control. It felt weird being the angry one. She was so used to being the calm, collected nerd next to the angry, raging nerd back when the two of them worked together as the Nerd Herd. She was used to being the one that would calm Nefarious down, not the other way around, and her gaming partner on the other end knew it from the way he hesitantly tried to help.

"Are you okay there, Ellie?"

Ellie. Like a needle puncturing a balloon, all of her fury drained out of her body when she heard that nickname. It had been years since she last heard anyone call her that pet name, the name she said her grandma used to call her one day while she and Nefarious were trying to fix the ammo capacity of the Bomb Glove, and just the tiniest act of him remembering it calmed her down. Her shoulders sagged.

"I swear you can be so stupid sometimes!" she said, but there was no fire behind her words anymore.

"Okay okay...so I made a rookie mistake!" he said with a chuckle. Was he humoring her? Was the killer robot actually trying to make her feel better? Why? "Next time I'll plan better! The best part about being a supervillain is that you can always try, try again until the heroes lose!"

"How did you make it all the way through med school and then build the blueprints for a giant space station armed with a planet-destroying laser without knowing a single thing about astrogeology?" Elaris said, her face resting in one of her palms.

"How was I to know planets had different cores?"

"That's something you learn in the fifth grade!"

"I never did really pay attention to geology in school..."

Despite that, Elaris felt better. Even though it still kinda stung that she almost died because Mr. Loose Cannon didn't think too hard on the consequences of his own actions, thinking about the previous game sessions brought her happy mood back. She found herself smiling again. He may have allied himself with Chairman Drek and nearly killed them all, but deep down he was the intelligent yet idiotic nerd that she shared a broom closet with, and that brightened her mood in a strange, confusing way.

"Sorry for yelling at you, Nef. I did have a great time!"

"I did too!" he shouted back, his mood immediately bouncing back now that Elaris was happy again. The Galactic Ranger decided not to think too hard on the fact that Nefarious seemed genuinely concerned for her. This situation was already weird enough as is.

"Well, I gotta go now, but thank you for talking to me back on Umbris. I wouldn't be moving out of the broom closet and into an actual laboratory if it wasn't for you!" When he didn't immediately reply back, only giving her a stunned silence in return, she didn't even wait for an answer when she turned off the game. Satisfied, Elaris finally removed the headset and ran a hand across her head. It really was time she got back to her apartment. Leftover ravioli didn't eat itself.

She got up from her chair, took one step, and immediately heard the sad, fizzy squish of her foot colliding with a cola puddle that had been laying there for a solid hour.

Elaris sighed in mild disappointment. She couldn't leave yet.

"I spent two bolts on that soda too..."

------------

"Did you have fun, sir?"

Dr. Nefarious looked up at Lawrence as he fiddled with his eldritch abomination of a gamer rig, his claws entangled in some loose hanging wires and a wide, childish grin on his skeletal face. His handcrafted gamer PC made from Deplanetizer guts and some repair bots was like a new pet to him, and he cherished it as such.

"Did you see us, Lawrence!? We won every match! We annihilated everyone that stood in our way! No one could get past our defenses!" he shouted with all the giddy excitement of a grade schooler. He was gesturing wildly, communicating as much with his arms and hand movements as his face, and from the way he was wrapped up in his PC wires, it was a miracle he didn't strangle himself or trip over.

"Masterful work. I can see why you're so popular with the ladies." Lawrence quipped, sounding about as excited as someone filing paperwork at the DMV.

"And then she told me she actually took my advice and then thanked me for it! She listened to me! You remember, back when I first became a robot! She listened!"

"I think she likes you, sir."

"I think she does! Isn't that wonderful, Lawrence!?" he practically screamed.

This would've been a happy moment, and indeed the mad scientist could feel a warm, fuzzy feeling spread through the circuits in his chest as his mechanical heart fluttered, thinking about his old science partner, if Lawrence didn't immediately chime in with a curt "So why didn't you ask for any of Captain Qwark's patrol schedules or passwords from her again?", ruining the moment instantly.

The warm happy feeling went cold. The excitement bled out of him.

Oh right. The real reason why he logged onto Resistance: Fall of Blarg around the exact same time as Elaris. The reason that Elaris had almost guessed before they ended up just fooling around in an online video game. His diabolical revenge scheme that he had cooked up after he realized that he and Elaris still had each other friended. His fullproof plan that would lead to Qwark's demise.

Dr. Nefarious sucked in a breath and dragged a hand slowly across his face, suddenly feeling very tired.

"Oh..."

[arthur-fleck-is-my-baby]

Arkham ~ pt. 2

Part 1. 

My Masterlist (i need to update it)

Tip Jar (tips are never expected but always appreciated!)

Summary: a continuation of Arkham, a fic i posted a while ago and have been promising a part 2 for

Pairing: Arthur Fleck x reader

Warnings: mentions of mental illness and trauma

“Visiting again miss (L/N)?” a nurse asked as you stepped onto the Arkham Asylum elevator. It was 2 months after your initial meeting with Arthur Fleck, and it had become common place for you to visit him weekly. Your mother, who had been discharged a month ago, had begged for you to stop visiting him. Her nagging didn’t stop you though. This was your second visit of the week.

You nodded at the nurse and smiled. “I’ll never understand what you see in him. Having a crush on a criminal isn’t the best idea.” she said. You looked at her in shock and your face became hot. 

“I don’t have a crush on him.” you said, patiently waiting for the elevator to reach floor 12. She scoffed and looked at the documents in her hands. The elevator doors opened on floor 10. ‘Nearly there’ you thought, unknowingly holding your breath. 

“The blush on your face says otherwise.” she stated, stepping off onto the next floor. Once the metal doors closed you let go of your breath, finally taking in air again. You rubbed your cheeks, hoping it would somehow rid you of the red blush. 

Over the past 2 months, Arthur had become your best friend. After initially walking into his room, the doctors gave the ok for visits. Not that they would’ve said no, you two were convinced they didn’t even know why Arthur was there. You knew though. He had told you everything during a late night visit. The doctors had forgotten you were there and it gave you extra time with him. That night he became the most venerable you’d ever seen him. He explained his condition, how it happens rarely anymore. It still haunted his life though, and multiple times your conversations would have to be put on pause to let a session pass. His past was something that didn’t bother you, unsure as to why. It just didn’t phase you. You were on the side of the rioters when it all went down, but had never paid enough attention to the news to see who the one was behind it all. 

You would be lying if you said you didn’t have a crush on him. Who wouldn’t. His face was unique, something you’d never seen before and were sure you’d never see again on another person. His green eyes were something you treasured seeing, looking forward to each time you’d make eye contact with him. He wasn’t someone who looked for physical contact, but when he did brush against you it felt like heaven. You could tell he enjoyed your visits, but you weren’t sure if it was just because he finally had someone to talk to or if he genuinely liked you. You hoped for the latter, but wouldn’t be surprised if it was just because he finally had someones ear to listen to him. 

He was a good listener as well though, hearing about your own life, your struggles with your mother and the ever growing urge to leave everyone behind. The two of you bonded over your past trauma, the presence of mentally ill mothers. Both wronged by the justice system. Both wronged by society. You had more in common with him than you initially thought.

Making your way through the nearly memorized hall, you found Arthur’s room and knocked politely. A faint “come in” made it’s way to the door and you turned the doorknob. You were excited for today’s visit.

“Good Afternoon Arthur.” you smiled, placing your things on the small table. He was lying on his bed, hand lying on his stomach, the other holding a cigarette. He smiled back at you and stood up. As you sat down, he closed the door. “how are you?” you asked, pulling out a notebook from your bag. 

“I’ve been fine, in my own way.” he ran a hand through his hair. “of course, not in the way they want me to be.” he chuckled. Without words you opened the notebook to a blank page and slid it across the table, in front of his seat. He sat down and stared at the blank page. “I love when you bring your notebooks.” he ran a hand across the tinted paper, head surely spinning with ideas. He pulled out his favorite pen from your bag, having long given up the polite gestures long ago. Your friendship wasn’t formal, and he felt like he could be himself in front of you. Not the fake Arthur the hospital wanted to create. 

He watched as you took out your own notebook, drawing your own little doodles. This had become your favorite thing to do together. Draw and talk. His eyes followed your delicate fingers dance with the pen across the paper. 

No girl had made Arthur feel the way you did. Sophie was... sophie was different. He hated thinking about her, worried that you were simply another figment of his imagination. He refused to express this concern to you though, unsure of how you would react. He looked forward to seeing you every day you visited. Not because it was his near only form of human contact, but because of how much you understood him. 

He wanted to touch you. He wanted to kiss you. Some days he wanted to throw you onto his hospital bed and do whatever he wanted to you. Other days he wanted to hold you close and take care of you. He spent his time when you weren’t there thinking about you, and planned out what he would do and say when you visited. 

He wanted to escape Arkham and run away with you. When he first thought about it, he told himself if was impossible. After careful thinking though, he realized it was perfect. You wanted nothing more than to run away, and mentioned it often. He knew how to get around Gotham quietly, and after the Murray incident, he had people who he could trust. All he needed to do was find a way out. It took him a month, but he had a plan. He knew he had to act fast. 

He kept his eyes on you as he thought about whisking you away with him. He was always a dreamer, one of the things you loved about him. Around you he wasn’t a crazy killer or a shy nobody. Around you, he was Arthur Fleck. Himself. That’s why he wanted to be with you. You were the only one that saw him for him. 

“(Y/N) I have to tell you something.” Arthur spoke. You looked up from your paper and he choked for a moment. “They... they want to transfer me. Somewhere far away from here.” He said the words quietly, unable to look into your eyes. “If they do it, I’ll never be able to see you again.” 

Your eyes brimmed with tears. How could they do this to him? He was doing perfectly fine at Arkham, why did they need to change things. You wanted to scream. Arthur was the only consistent think in your life, the only person who truly made you happy anymore. How could they just rip that away from you. You dropped your pen, your hand unable to keep a grip on it anymore. “Are you...” you almost suffocated. “Are you sure?” He nodded and laid his head in his hands. 

“In two days. I only found out this morning.” he wanted to reach out and hold your hand. You felt a tear fall down your cheek, unable to keep in them in anymore. “I’m so sorry (Y/N).” he whispered. 

“It’s not your fault Arthur. It’s no ones fault except them.” you wiped away your tears and attempted to compose yourself. You wanted to see if there was any way. Any way at all that he could stay. Not with the hospital, but with you. You looked at your hands as you contemplated asking him. The question ‘what is we run away’ stung on your tongue, but you couldn’t find the strength to say it.

You heard the familiar knock on the room door. Arthur looked up, watching as the male doctor opened the door and tilted his head. “Out. Now.” he said. You sighed deeply, agitated by the way the doctor spoke to you. Arthur furrowed his brows. He hated the way people treated you at the hospital. You packed up your things quickly, delicately brushing hands with Arthur as you picked up his notebook. 

“Next time?” you asked, out of instinct. You stopped in the moment, fighting back the next wave of tears that threatened to come crashing down on you. “Can I have one more minute sir?” you politely asked, a waver in your voice. The doctor sighed heavily and closed the door. Once the man was definitely gone, you walked to Arthur. 

“I..” you began. You were unable to continue though, tears still threatening to fall down your cheeks. He places a hand on your shoulder, standing close to you. He looked down at you and in that very moment had to restrain himself from kissing you. Your soft, delicate lips were shaking with sadness and he wanted nothing more than to hold you and tell you he would stay with you forever. He rubbed his thumb across your cheek, wiping away the tears there. His other hand slid up your arm as you reached out your own, grabbing onto his shirt and clinging to it. “I’m going to miss you.” you looked up at him. You were practically hugging now, and it only seemed appropriate to reach your arms around him and bury your face in his neck. 

He wrapped his large arms around you, squeezing you tightly. He didn’t feel the same emotions as you though. He knew he was going to get out and he knew you would come with him. He just needed to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt in the process. 

You went to let go, but he kept his grip. Leaning his lips to your ear, he whispered to you. “Go to the west hall. Go inside the janitors closet and stay there. I’ll find you. Stay there until then.” He let go of you moments before the door opened again and you stared at him. What was he going to do?

“Lets go. Now.” the doctor said. You nodded slowly, turning to the table and picking up your things. You walked to the door, but before leaving the room you turned to Arthur. He winked at you with a small smirk. You wondered how the doctors could be so clueless. 

You stepped into the hallway, looking for the west hall. The sound of your shoes against the floor seemed louder than anything else, Arthur’s words still ringing in your ears. As you came upon the janitors closet, you looked around to make sure no one saw you. Once you were positive, you opened the heavy door and stood still, silently waiting for what Arthur had planned. 

DO YALL WANT PART 3 CAUSE IM LITERALLY ALREADY WRITING IT IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG  

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Tags: @just-antiyou​ ; @alexwinchester23​ ; @lynnesm​soulsdontbreaktheybeeend ; @sirianfromsixties​ 

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Tags: @vemazing​ ; @ultra-marine-scales​ ; @ajokeformur-ray​ ; @taintednihilist​ ; @live-love-loki​ ; @alirabbitt​ ; @ridiculousnerd​ ; @theartistdetective​

[cupofteaguk]

take my hand

( let’s see where we wake up tomorrow ) 

summary: you lose your memory in a car crash, and Jungkook desperately tries to keep both of your lives intertwined. this in itself proves to be a challenge, especially when you can only remember him as the idol you once adored from afar. 

pairing: jungkook x fem!reader

genre: idol au, established relationship au | angst

warnings: a memory loss au, there’s angst but it’s a happy ending don’t worry i would never do that to you guys 

word count: 11k

.

Jungkook never paid too much attention to those moments in life where he would figuratively hit the wall and knock the wind out of himself, until he gets the call from the hospital. And then he’s running, dashing fast and wild as quickly as his legs can take him, his mind clouded with so much fear, so much apprehension that even when he can no longer breathe he forces himself to keep running. He feels as if he might lose his mind, already grappling with deniability over his situation, the only thing that can remain consistent throughout his mind is you.

“Are you Jeon Jungkook, Y/N’s emergency contact?”

Jungkook stills, pausing in his momentary movement to wipe the sweat that has formed across his face in recovery from the intense dance practice session all the boys have just ended. “Uh, yes I am,” He answers, furrowing his eyebrows together at the seriousness of the situation, his disposition changing in such a drastic manner that all the other boys stop what they’re doing as well to watch the maknae. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m letting you know that Y/N was recently involved in a car accident and was rushed here under critical condition. She’s undergoing surgery now but—!”

“I’ll be right there,” Jungkook interrupts in a breath, the panicking settling in before the gravity of what has just happened to you really weighs in his mind. He doesn’t wait for the nurse on the other end of the line before he’s hanging up and pocketing his phone. His heart starts to race, making the blood pump quicker as air leaves and enters his lungs at an alarming quickened pace. “I have to go,” He relays to the guys, grabbing his jacket off the couch.

“Woah, woah, Jungkookie, what’s going on?” Jimin inquires, straightening from his seated position on the polished wooden floor. “Is everything okay?”

“No, it’s not,” Jungkook says, desperately trying to pull himself from the conversation so he could make his way to the hospital. “Y/N got into a car accident. She’s in surgery right now, I have to go—I have to see how she’s doing.”

“Let me come with you,” Namjoon interjects, already joining Jungkook’s side, jacket on.

Jungkook runs a hand through his hair. “Whatever. I’m running, so keep up.”

Namjoon dismisses Jungkook’s words for stress as he merely nods, following the younger boy out of the studio and dashing down the street. The hospital you have been rushed to is nearby, thank god, only a few blocks away from where Jungkook stands, but it feels like miles stretched on for miles. He runs, runs, runs faster than his legs can possibly carry him, huffing and puffing but never quite moving fast enough.

Jungkook and Namjoon burst through the doors of the hospital, red-faced and panting slightly from the sprint they’ve just performed. Not even allowing himself to catch a breath, Jungkook makes his way to the front desk, probably terrifying the poor nurse behind the counter as he practically slams his palms against the surface.

“I’m Jeon Jungkook,” He relays, attempting to calm his heart and his breathing, but it’s no use as he stands here, desperately trying to catch his breath and not lose his mind over the future state of his girlfriend. “I just got a call about my girlfriend getting into a car accident.”

“Ah, yes!” The nurse exclaims, pulling up a file. “She’s still in surgery, but I was just notified that her condition is stable.”

Jungkook exhales, closing his eyes and relaxing his shoulders a little, not even realizing they had been tense to begin with. Namjoon appears by his side, having overheard the news, and rests a hand comfortingly on Jungkook’s shoulder. He swallows, then opens his eyes again. “Can I—can I ask what happened? Or do you not know?”

“From what we’ve heard from witness reports, the man sped across a red light and hit the passenger side of Y/N’s car. It rolls over a few times, but from the reports her car has a taller roof so it didn’t compress in as much as a smaller car would have—so there hasn’t been much damage to her neck or spinal cord. According to the doctor diagnosis, she got a lot of glass shards in her arm and the status of her legs are unconfirmed. The airbag deployment definitely helped ensure minimal damage to her face and chest, but it did knock her unconscious.”

Jungkook’s hands dig into the counter’s edge, his vision swimming in a way that he hadn’t even realized until he physically has to turn away and blink quickly to rid of the tears. The idea of anything hurting you pained him to the degree of which he couldn’t bear it, and if he’s this way from just hearing about the status of your current condition, he almost can’t even begin to think about what it would be like to see you in person.

Namjoon interjects. “Thank you for letting us know.”

The nurse nods, eying Jungkook with pity and concern dancing behind her eyes. “You’re both more than welcome to stay in the waiting lounge—the doctor in charge of her operation will get you when the surgery is done.”

With one last nod, Namjoon pulls Jungkook away from the counter, settling them both in vacant chairs. Namjoon watches carefully as Jungkook wrings his hands together, overlapping one across the other as his chokes on the sobs that so desperately slip past his lips. The maknae can’t even look at the older boy right now, choosing instead to keep his head bowed as he tightens the grip he has on his own hands.

“Hey, Jungkook,” Namjoon whispers, trying to rub the shoulders of the younger boy to calm his down. “You heard the nurse, she’s going to be fine.”

“I know,” Jungkook grumbles out, finally straightening up, eyes already puffy as he wipes frantically at the tears rolling down his face. “Just, the fact that this even happened to her, I just—I don’t know what I’m going to do—!”

“Hey,” Namjoon interrupts calmly. “All the guys are with you two, okay? You’ll get through this, but you need to be strong for Y/N, she’s going to be going through a lot when she gets out of the surgery.”

Jungkook rests his hands into the palm of his hands, trying to divert his attention to something else, anything to keep his heart from stuttering painfully against his chest. He calms his breathing, counting his heart rate and focusing his panting to slow down into something that doesn’t leave him light-headed. “You’re right—I’m sorry hyung.”

Jungkook can’t tell if it’s a blessing or a curse that the pair of them get an hour and a half of agonizingly long silence before hearing anything regarding your condition, because even though he gets the time he needs to sort through his thoughts, get his mind together, and breathe normally again, it’s an hour and a half of just complete submersion in absolute darkness. He paces, plays on his phone, trying anyway to keep himself distracted even though his heart is truly not into anything he tries to emerge into. Everything he does is painted over with his concern for you and how he could let something like this happen to you.

Finally, a doctor steps through into the waiting lounge, readjusting his coat as he approaches the front desk to discuss something with the nurse behind the counter, who points her finger at Namjoon and Jungkook. Namjoon takes note of this first, gently shaking Jungkook’s shoulder as the latter looks up and practically springs up and out of his seat as the doctor approaches the pair of them.

“Which one of you is Jungkook?” The doctor inquires, to which Jungkook steps forward. He takes the outstretched right hand. “Thanks for coming. We’ve just transferred her into a room. We had to remove the glass shards from her arm, equating to about 20 stitches along there. One of her legs is broken, we’re assuming it’s the same one on the gas pedal. She suffered a slight concussion, but we haven’t been able to monitor how it’s affected her brain activity yet. She was in a lot of pain when she woke up, so we gave her a lot of pain killers but it’s made her pretty drowsy as the after effect. It’s definitely going to take some rest, but she’ll be okay—your girlfriend is really strong.”

Jungkook feels like his heart must burst and maybe he’ll start crying again, but he is desperate to maintain a strong front which is why he musters the shakiest of smiles. “I know,” He whispers, returning his hands to his sides which ball into fists.

Namjoon studies this before turning to the doctor. “Would it, ah, be okay for him to see her?”

The doctor nods. “You’re more than welcome to come along,” He says, referring to Namjoon, who politely rebuffs the offer with the knowledge that Jungkook would definitely want some alone time with you.

With a grateful smile, Jungkook follows the doctor down the hallway, taking in the too white walls and feels his stomach mixing with distaste. He’s always avoided hospitals for personal reasons, only really associating them with pain and recovery and clean walls that hold too many secrets. But he keeps his gaze ahead, fixated on the doctor’s back as the former finally stops at a door with your name written across a white board.

“Take your time,” The doctor says, one last smile of parting before he places a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder and dismissing himself with a bow. Jungkook smiles a little at the man before looking down to clear his thoughts, trying not to be too hopeful about getting to talk to you right out of the gate. He takes note of the doctor’s comment, saying that you were drugged on a lot of pain medication.

Holding his breath, Jungkook pushes open the door, stepping inside the room and immediately becoming bathed in the smell of medical equipment—but there’s still something lingering around the room that fills every sense in his body of you.

Turning his gaze around, he finally sees you on the bed and he thinks his heart might burst. Even though he can clearly recall the last time he saw you, which had been earlier than day, it really feels like lifetimes ago when he saw your smile or felt your arms wrapping themselves around him. You always made his life normal, different, and better in a way he could never have pictured when he officially stepped into the spotlight as an idol. You gave him peace and comfort, and he long desires for that again as he steps closer to you. There are a variety of IV needles in your body, along your arm, a clip around your finger that connects to a heart monitor and it hurts Jungkook to see you this way.

Even though he’s always liked to think of himself an invincible, untouchable on the platform from which he stood across the world, you’ve always been different—smaller, more fragile, more caring and compassionate, not use to the harsh words and burdens that come with being known by everyone and absolutely no one at the same time. You’ve always put up such a strong front for him.

These memories swim up in his mind, much like the tears that resurface in his eyes after he thought he had smashed them down into places they could no longer drift upon. He had promised Namjoon to put up a stable wall for himself, to be strong for both himself and you, but seeing you in such a state after he swore he would do anything and everything in his power to keep you safe drives his emotions overboard.

“Hey…” Jungkook manages, voice cracking slightly as he approaches you slowly, sliding down into the vacant chair beside your bed. He doesn’t hesitate twice to reach out for your hand, curling his fingers with yours, relishing in your touch because even though it’s cold it’s filled with so much familiarity that his heart aches. It reminds him of how delicate everything is, how no one plans for life to throw them curve balls that send them hanging in the balance. “I… I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier. I ran as fast as I could to get here, but you were still in surgery.”

He laughs a little.

“I mean, how crazy is it that you got into an accident like this…” He trails off, gaze flinting upwards to study your peaceful, sleeping expression, letting himself wonder just how much pain will dance behind the eyes as you opened them. He promises himself that he’ll be around as often as he can be, helping you through every step of the way, holding your hand, driving you to as much physical therapy as you needed, giving you moral support as he helped nurse you back to health.

He would do anything to make sure you could be okay again.

Jungkook doesn’t realize he’s crying again until he feels the shake of his lower lip, something that cannot even be calmed even when he tries to bite his lip. His hands grasp so tightly around your that they shake as he presses the joined fingers against his forehead. “Please be okay,” He whimpers, choked sobs bubbling out from the back of his throat, the emotions of hopelessness so overpowering it blurs out everything else. “Please wake up, because I promise I will do anything and everything to be there for you. I’ll do anything to take the pain away, so please wake up soon—and please be okay.”

He ends up falling asleep in the chair later that evening, when the hours have graced by as if grains of sand slipping through his fingers. He doesn’t care though, because every second that ticks by means a second closer to the drugs fading away from your bloodstream, a second closer to seeing you see him, where he’ll do anything to make you smile and reassure you that the pair of you were going to get through this. And Jungkook is hopeful—so, so hopeful that it aches his heart and his chest and he’s willing to sacrifice anything and everything to help shoulder your pain.

The following morning sunrays gleam in through the windows of the hospital room, shining against Jungkook’s eyes, making him stir in his sleep before his eyes peel open to welcome the new day. You’re still next to him, sleeping, heart monitor pulsing at a normal speed—albeit, it sounds much more technical hearing it through a machine rather than through his own ears pressed against your chest, but it’s a reassuring thing to witness.

There is a gentle knock at the door, before it is pushed open and a nurse appears. “Y/N has some visitors.”

Jungkook nods, and the door opens wider to reveal the rest of Bangtan, slipping quietly into the room before the nurse clicks the door shut, leaving with a bow.

“Hi,” Jungkook says, straightening out of his chair and approaching the boys.

Yoongi cranes his neck to study you. “How’s she doing?”

Jungkook follows Yoongi’s gaze. “They said her condition is stable. She knocked out yesterday from all the pain medication they had her on, but hopefully she’ll be waking up soon.”

Namjoon turns to look at the youngest. “How are you holding up, Jungkook?”

“I’m okay,” Jungkook manages, picking his words carefully. “I know it’s going to be hard for her, but we’ll get through it together.”

“Guys, I think she’s awake,” Jimin interjects, his voice picking up a few octaves, sounding frantic and rushed leaving his lips so suddenly.

And Jungkook cannot whirl around quick enough, his nerves cannot respond quick enough as he spins where he stands, stopping abruptly as it hits him that you’re really awake and you’re really here—conscious and aware, and even though it’s definitely been under 24 hours, it feels so much longer than that. It feels like lifetimes have stretched, time has been distorted, mountains carved between you. He finds that the only thing he can really do now that you’re really present is simply stare, wide-eyed as he watches your movements very carefully.

You’re looking out the window, blinking every few seconds to study the breeze whipping through the trees outside, before you finally turn your neck. Jungkook feels as if his heart might burst into a million different pieces when you finally stop to look at him. You still slightly in your gestures, eyes widening, lips parting, a faint sort of realization dawning behind your eyes.

Jungkook can almost taste how excited he is. He can almost picture himself now, running into your arms as you whispered his name, bursting into tears about how scared you had been, and how you thought you would never be able to see him again. He would probably cry too, holding you close and telling you that it was going to be alright, and he was alright and he was alright and even if you still have a mountain to go over, everything could be alright in the world again.

What he doesn’t expect, however, is the gasp you make, eyes practically the size of saucer plates now as your chest starts to heave, the heart monitor next to you quickening, beating at an irregular pace that makes all the boys straighten in worry.

“It’s…you—you’re—!” You pant out, not really sure what to do with your body as you lean further back into your hospital bed.

Jungkook darts forward, pushing the chair out of the way as he sits on the edge of the bed next to you, reaching forward to cup your cheeks with both of his hands.

“You…” You whisper out, eyes wide.

“Yes, yes Y/N, it’s me,” Jungkook whispers back, eyes flickering across your face, eyebrows furrowed as he desperately tries to figure out why you couldn’t seem to grasp that he was here right in front of you. How could you be so surprised, after he promised that he would always be there for you no matter his schedule and no matter his previous engagements?

Your eyes are not filled with that love and adoration you always had when you looked at him. They are still wide, but with surprise, awe, and a surface familiarity as if you knew who he was, but you couldn’t believe that he was really here.

“Y-You’re Jeon Jungkook.”

He blinks, taken aback. “Y/N, what are you—!”

“Jeon Jungkook, of Bangtan Boys. Right?” You whisper, eyes flickering the boys still standing near the door. It appears they have all heard the conversation, because their own facial expressions are plagued with a mixture of horror, disbelief, and utter confusion. “And those are the rest of the guys in the group.” You shift your gaze back to him, heart rate still going strong as he feels the warmth against your cheeks, a sure sign of your increasing nervousness. “I—I really love your music, but what are you all doing here?”

With a gasp, Jungkook rips himself away from you as if you had just burned him.

You gaze up at him, doe eyes and lips parted. “Is something wrong? Did I have something on my face, is that why you were touching me?”

Jungkook thinks he might need a heart monitor for himself now, given that he can no longer keep track of how fast it’s beating. It thrums through his whole body, pumping too much blood to his head while he is simply in a standstill. He’s staring at you and you’re staring at him, but it’s all wrong because you’re looking at him as if you don’t even know him anymore. He doesn’t know what sort of truths glimmer in  his own eyes, but it must be too much intimacy, too much knowledge for you to handle because you are the first to rip your gaze away.

Jungkook already has an idea of what happened to you, why you look at him but don’t really see him, but his mind is fogging with disbelief as he stares at you helplessly. “I have to get some air,” He whispers, darting out of the room, pushing past the boys and into the hall. There is a combination of panic, confusion, deniability, that he doubles over, heaving and choking and sputtering. The weight he has placed against the wall is the only way he can ensure his legs won’t give out entirely on him.

“Jungkook?” Namjoon inquires, pushing open the room to your door and clicking it close. He takes in the maknae’s troubled state. “Hey, Jungkook, it’s gonna be okay—!”

“How can you say that?” Jungkook snaps, voice gruff from his hunched over position. “Did you see the way she looked at me? She doesn’t know who I am.”

“It’s probably just a temporary thing,” Namjoon tries to reassure in a comforting manner. “The shock from the accident must have tampered with her brain—but I’m sure it’ll come back—!”

“What if it doesn’t?” Jungkook retorts, straightening up to face his friend. “What if she never gets her memory back? What if she’s doomed to only remember me as a performer, never knowing seeing me beyond that and never remembering me for me, when I can still trace out her face with my mind and know when she’s sleeping based off the way she breathes—!”

He drops his face into the palm of his hands, muffling the words and the oncoming wave of sobs that rock through his body. It’s too much emotion and pain for him to shoulder in such a short period of time, and it shows in the blurred gazes and spinning mind. It doesn’t help when he closes his eyes, because all he can see behind his lids is the way you looked at him during the first few seconds of realization. The wide eyes, warning bells like sirens flashing, you had almost looked afraid of him, unseated by his presence and not understanding why he was in your life.

“Jungkook, I know this must be a hard time for you right now,” Namjoon says quietly, craning his neck down slightly to whisper the words in the younger boy’s ear, ensuring that only he would be able to hear it. “But you have to calm down and be strong—not just for yourself, but for her as well. She’s probably a lot more scared than you are.”

Jungkook forces his breathing to even out, counting the beating of his heart in his ear as he slowly opens his eyes. Namjoon is right. Jungkook may be terrified of what the future could hold for the pair of you, but that only gives you more the reason to be worried, scared, confused. He immediately tells himself to get a grip, willing to do whatever he could to keep a handle on his relationship with you, support you even if you could never truly understand why.

“Okay,” He manages, taking a few shaky breaths before releasing, hoping his eyes aren’t as puffy as they feel. “Thank you hyung.”

Namjoon gives out a reassuring smile, patting the maknae on the back, gesturing for the pair of them to return into the hospital room.

You are still in bed, IV’s hooked up, heart monitor at a relatively more steady pace, staring almost bashly at something Jimin is showing you on his phone. Your gaze finds Jungkook first and your bite your lip nervously at the sight of his return.

“You’re my boyfriend?” You inquire softly, Jimin looking over his shoulder to study Jungkook. The words sound awkward coming out of your mouth, bending into an incredulous question, as if you couldn’t possibly fathom why Jungkook would even want to be with you in the first place.

Jungkook can feel his heart sinking at the gravity of the question. It’s almost unsettling to see that you’re not as confident as you once were about your own standing in Jungkook’s life—although to be fair, you had been relatively shy when the pair of you first met. It was that friendship foundation that made developing a relationship much easiest, so to be thrust into that relationship first must be a lot for you to handle. “Yes,” He answers quickly, not sure what else to add on afterwards.

He is saved the awkwardness of trying to scramble for a further description—knowing Jungkook, it was probably going to be something about what kind of girlfriend you were, which would only make things worse (as if you had something to live up to)—but the door opens and the doctor steps through.

“Ah, I see you’re awake now,” He says, flipping through his clipboard. “How are you feeling Y/N?”

“Um… alright—my arm does hurt a little…”

“I suppose your muscles are still trying to heal over the cuts the glass made…”

“Sir, I think there’s also another problem…” You continue, flickering your gaze over to Jungkook.

Even though you probably don’t realize it, Jungkook can instantly recognize the look you’re giving him whenever you were in desperate need of help. “Y/N doesn’t remember me sir,” Jungkook explains, taking a step forward. “She doesn’t remember our friendship or our relationship—and she can’t seem to remember the other boys either.”

The doctor still slightly to look over his paperwork to study you. “Hm, well, that is a problem.” He skims over a file that contains a more detailed report of your injuries from the accident. “When we did the scan on her, we knew that the concussion would have some sort of negative affect on her mind and the part of her brain that processes more recent long term memory, we just didn’t know how long—Y/N?”

You look over at the doctor to show that he has your full attention.

“Do you think you could tell me the most recent thing you can remember?”

You bite your lip, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. You shift your gaze off to the side of the room, looking so infinitely hopeless and confused that Jungkook has to ball his hands into fists at his side to keep him from running to you.

“Um…” You look down to run your hands over one another. “I remember, I had just left home a few weeks ago to move to Seoul—I had just gotten a new job—working at a Kpop label—for PR.”

Jungkook does the mental calculation in his head, remembering the tale you spun to him of moving to the big city to chase your dreams, how it happened a few months after graduating from the college in your city.

The realization hits him like a bucket of ice cold dread.

One year ago. You moved to Seoul one year ago—your memory from the past twelve months has been completely wiped from your consciousness. This means that all the friends you had made from Big Hit, the evening the pair of you ran into one another in the hallway, those late nights spent in the dorms playing video games and watching anime, dancing around each other because everyone else seemed to know the gravity of your feelings for one another before the pair of you had the slightest idea, and the seven months of dating that followed—you didn’t remember any of that.

Jungkook thinks this might be enough to get him to start dry heaving again, maybe actually vomit up a combination of worry, panic, regret, confusion, anxiety all across the floor. But Namjoon’s tight grip on his shoulder keeps him grounded—Jungkook thinks he must have turned an alarming shade of green at the news.

“That was one year ago,” Jungkook whispers when the doctor turns to get the most accurate report of your memories. “Y/N moved to Seoul one year ago—does that mean—?”

“Her memories from the past year have been wiped permanently from her consciousness?” The doctor fills in. “Perhaps not permanently—she might have been going through a lot of internal trauma before blacking out. But I can’t give you a more accurate result until we do a few more tests. For now, we’ll just have to hope her memory will come back in time. Or, even not everything—just pieces of it.”

.

The ride up the elevator easily ranks under Jungkook’s mental list of  “Top Five Most Awkward Moments He’s Ever Shared With You”. Of course, it’s not enough to trump over that time he knocked over an entire table worth of food and drinks in front of the whole label crew because he caught a glimpse of you out of the corner of his eye and followed you from a distance until—well, you get the idea. Or even that time while the pair of you were in the early stages of your relationship, participating in one of your first insane make-out sessions on the couch in your apartment and he was so excited about finally finally getting to kiss you—until he burped into your mouth.

You had forgiven him before he could really begin with the frantic apologies, but you would never let him live it down. It was all done in loving fun, and that might have been the moment he realized he was in love with you.

Still, each moment of his list has consisted of their own little pains and those milliseconds moments that would make him cringe for months afterwards even if they were all barely laughable memories later on.

The ride up with you in the elevator is almost an entirely different story, yet so much silence it practically eats at Jungkook’s skin because he’s sure he’ll be wincing about the awkwardness just plaguing the air, threatening to swallow him whole.

“So, we live here?” You inquire softly, eyes wide as they roam across every corner of the elevator space. “Together?”

Jungkook looks over at you just as you’re turning your gaze further away from him. “Yeah,” He answers quietly, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets to give himself something to keep them distraction. “I originally picked the place, but it was joint agreement.”

“Hm,” You hum quietly, leaning a little on the crutches underneath your arm, your right leg wrapped to ensure no provocation would hurt your broken leg further.

His eyes trace over the bandage around your arm, the thought of glass shards breaking the skin enough to make him physically sick. Although you muscles have recovered over the damage over the past few days you spend at the hospital, the limb is still sensitive. The cuts along your face have healed, leaving scars behind his fingers long to reach over and trace. But the memory of the first time he attempted to do that the day after the accident constantly stops him—in which you had flinched, eyes widening at the discomfort of, essentially, a stranger touching you.

Jungkook hasn’t been able to get that mental picture out of his head. He almost wishes you would return to that doe-eyed version of yourself when you first awoke, the girl who couldn’t stop staring gazing at what you only knew to be the performer persona of Jungkook. At least then you could still look at him as if he had hung up all the stars in the sky—and even though it wouldn’t be the same thing, you would still be able to look him in the eye.

It doesn’t surprise him how quickly it had taken the initial shock of that realization to fade away, only to be replaced with the version of yourself he first met back in the hallways of Big Hit Entertainment. There was that passion, that ambition, that confidence and friendliness—and yet, it was all hidden under layers of delicate shyness, quietness, petals of an introvert that had taken a few months to peel away. Now, you could barely keep up a conversation with him without looking as if you were about to combust into flames—your voice would shutter and the skin along your cheekbones would darken or dust with enough of a deepen hue that gave away your nervousness and longing to leave.

And Jungkook fucking hates it. The fact that he can’t magically dispel your discomfort with a touch of his hand only leaves more of that uselessness in his bones. Maybe he’s coming on too strong each time, much too eager to resurface memories of your past, and it shows—!

“You know,” He starts before he can stop himself, traces of a smile overcoming his lips. “We use to have a race up the stairs to see who could get there first. Most of the time I won, but sometimes I let you win just to see you smile…” He clamps his mouth shut, but it’s too late. The memory has been revealed.

He casts a look at you and you look incredibly nauseous. “I’m sorry,” You whisper, still not looking entirely at him. “It sounds like a wonderful memory—now I’m just a burden, making us take the elevator like this…”

Shit. “N-No, that wasn’t what I mean,” Jungkook interjects, turning towards you and reaching out to grip your shoulders but he stops himself. He already knows his words have a tendency to come off too strong for you, so physical gestures would only make things worse. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I shouldn’t bring up something like that.”

You let out a sigh and shake your head. “No, it’s okay. It might be… nice to hear some of those stories. It might help jog some of my memories.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything in response. Really, what could he say to you? He longs to share so many stories with you, they’re all ready at the tip of his tongue, but the fear that you wouldn’t understand the backstories of them forces his mouth shut. “I’ll keep that in mind,” He whispers, looking up when the elevator dings at their corresponding floor.

He gestures for you to exit first, slowing his pace down considerably so you could follow behind on your crutches.

“Here we are.” He clears his throat, feeding the key into the keyhole and twisting, pushing open at the door to reveal home. It’s plague with the scent and memory of you, photo frames lining the walls and atop tables and counters, the baby blue and tan color palette against the wooden floor. “You did a lot of the decorating.”

He watches you balance your way into the apartment, eyes taking in all the details from the polaroids and the lights and the couch, the sliding doors opening to a balcony overlooking the city. You feel that twinge in your heart because despite its homely appearance, it’s unfamiliar and it’s supposed to be welcoming but still feels like entering the home of a friend you’ve just met—you don’t know what to do with yourself.

“Do you like it?” Jungkook inquires tentatively, watching you carefully, tilting his head to try and see what kind of response the question will draw out.

You look at Jungkook for the split of a second before looking away. “It is lovely,” You whisper.

“Here—uh, you should sit down,” Jungkook states, taking careful steps towards you and bringing his hand up to the small of your back. Ignoring the way you tense slightly at the gesture, which has been used with the intention of providing comfort and reassurance, he helps guide you to the couch. Despite your struggling, given you’re still adapting to the inability to use both your legs at your leisure, you grit your teeth and keep your mouth shut before settling yourself down on the couch. “Does it hurt anywhere?” He tries, reading your furrowed eyebrows.

You swallow thickly, ignoring the piercing buzz underneath your arm. “No, I’m okay,” You lie.

Jungkook watches the way you grip gently at your arm and has to look away, running a hand through his hair in a mixture of hopelessness and agitation. How was he supposed to fulfill his promise in taking care of you if you were just going to lie about it? “Y/N, if it hurts anywhere, you have to tell me okay?” He says, trying to keep his voice gentle and light.

You manage a shaky smile. “I will.”

Even Jungkook doesn’t want to doubt you, he is unable to rid of the question regarding whether or not you actually would.

.

Jungkook never considered a month to be remotely long, especially provided in the context of which he could spend that month with you. Time always seemed to simultaneously slow down and speed up whenever it was spent in your presence, and it never really mattered the pair of you could be doing. It could be watching movies, or attempting to cook, or wandering around the city—this is usually done on very rare occasions, considering people could recognize Jungkook quite easily even though the pair of you were public with your relationship it’s never enough for Jungkook to want to keep you out for too long.

But the first month after the accident is probably the longest month he’s ever spent with you—and not in a good way.

It takes a lot of reassurance on his part to ensure that you would be more vocal about your varying degrees of pain during the day—especially after you admitted with a smile and a laugh that you didn’t want to come off as whiny to Jungkook and demand too much, since “you always have so much on your mind anyways—you know, with practice and performances and such”. He’s still working on trying to get you to call him whenever you get those spikes of pain, considering you still can’t use your leg to its fullest potential to get your medicine—even though you’ve been able to rid of the crutches and the cast.

Like he said—still working on that one. He hates that he has to go to practice more than he gets to spend time with you, since he’s sure that his hyungs are starting to get irritated by the fact that he could barely get through a song before fishing out his phone to see if you called him or texted him. You never do, but he constantly worries otherwise.

Although, thinking about it, he’s not sure if it would be of any benefit for him to just linger around with you in the apartment. It’s been one month, and he can tell you’re still having trouble adjusting to the fact that you actually lived with him. It’s like everyday you spend with him is like some sort of strange dream—and every morning you wake up and start slightly at the sight of him in the kitchen. Or, at the very least, you would give him that infinitely troubled look before disappearing in the bathroom.

It’s as if everyday you saw him, you couldn’t believe he stayed and continues to stay with you and he hates the feeling of isolation you’ve built around yourself.

It’s like a stab in the heart. He knows that you’re trying to help him rebuild this relationship, but your fear of disclosing too much and Jungkook’s fear of trying to initiate too much intimacy that it’ll force you out the door keeps the pair of you at bay.

The worse stunt you’ve pulled on him yet occurred one week after the accident, overnight, when he awoke the following morning only to find your side of the bed completely devoid of your presence. He had started slightly, dashing out of the room, ready to call anyone and everyone about your disappearance before he found you on the couch, completely knocked out.

The fact that you couldn’t even stand to sleep in the same bed as him anymore really got to Jungkook. He already knew he was losing his mind gradually over the distance you were (probably) unknowingly carving between the two of you—but it’s taking its toll on him. It affects his sleep schedule, his ability to pick up dance moves with ease, his upbeat nature during promotions and photoshoots, and even when the camera was on him during filming for Bangtan TV.

But it’s a month and a half after the accident when he really thinks he might lose his mind because it’s midnight when he arrives back to the apartment after a long day of practice. He opens the door to find you on the couch, flipping through some television, but your gaze immediately finds his at the door. Even though they glint slightly at the sight of him, they’re devoid of that usual love and excitement you got when you saw him, and the fact that he knows he’s not getting it anymore just physically exhausts him further.

“Hi,” You greet quietly, turning off the TV and watching as he takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch. “How, um, how was practice?”

“Alright,” Jungkook manages with a shrug. “I was having trouble picking up one of the moves, but Hoseok-hyung stayed after practice to help me with it—that’s why I’m back so late.”

“Oh.” You look as if you’re desperately trying to come up with the right words and that only makes Jungkook’s throat close in frustration, he hates that you have to continuously try to put such a front forward when all he’s ever wanted from you was the honest truth. “I’m sure it’ll be easier for you to do it tomorrow—you are the golden maknae after all. I don’t see why you won’t pick it up more naturally by tomorrow.”

The public nickname on your tongue causes Jungkook to stiffen, his hands tightening into fists on his lap, because it’s been a month and there are absolutely no signs to show you’re starting to overlook his performance facade. “Thanks,” He manages stiffly, straightening to make his way into the kitchen.

You follow him, eyes wide, immediately aware of his change in attitude. You may not necessarily be in tune to his feelings specifically, but you’ve always had a natural reading of emotional intelligence of people in general. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Nope,” He answers, filling a glass with water and downing it in one gulp.

You straighten off the couch and slowly make your way towards him, albeit with some limping but that physical therapy is really helping. “I’m sorry—is this because I called you the golden maknae?”

He rests the glass on the counter and sighs. “I guess I’m not use to hearing you call me that.”

You look down at your feet. “I guess I’m not doing a good job at being your girlfriend, huh?”

Jungkook shakes his head. “Don’t say that, you’re trying your best.”

“I’m sorry,” You apologize again. “I want to remember what it was like to be with you—but I get nervous and being put in this situation so suddenly with you just… I guess it makes me uncomfortable. I’m not very good at opening myself up to people.”

“I know,” He manages gruffly. When the pair of you first met, it had taken awhile to get you to return his smiles genuinely, for him to let you know that he was interested in you. “But…” He looks up and you meet his gaze, a shyer touch to the corner of your eyes. “Take your time. Just try to focus on getting through physical therapy right now.”

Your lips curl up into the softest of smiles, and Jungkook melts a little. It feels like forever since he’s got to have an actual conversation with you, and even longer than forever since he’s gotten you to smile at him without looking away a second later.

“Also,” He tries again, looking down and running the glass across the counter. “I wanted to ask you something. A favor.”

You still slightly. “Uh, sure, what is it?”

“Well, we’re starting the first leg of this small tour around Korea in a few days,” Jungkook starts, scratching the back of his neck, almost unable to believe he’s actually nervous about asking you something like this. Normally, he could simply state that the boys were going on tour and you always seemed to know how to respond. “I… I don’t want to ask you to go to all the dates, but would it be too much if I asked you to at least see the opening day?”

You wring your hands together. “You want me to go to your concert? Like, as in, be in the audience?”

“I have a backstage pass for you,” Jungkook answers. “It’s just… I know that we’ve both been pretty stressed about everything that has happened within the past month so this might be a good distraction for us.”

You look uncertain as you study Jungkook across the counter, eyes holding just as much hesitancy as they once had when he first asked you to accompany him to a concert. It had been different that time though, because the pair of you had been public with your relationship for a few weeks so you were already familiar with what it would like under the spotlight.

But now you don’t remember what it had been like to be underneath the spotlight, and your nervousness is brimming all across the surface. Jungkook almost wants to retract the words, reassure you that you didn’t have to do anything you weren’t comfortable with, but it feels like he needs this desperately. The past month and a half have been hard, probably harder than anything else he’s ever had to go through before, especially considering the emotional drainage of it all. However, if you agreed to go the concert to see him, watch him, support him with your physical presence, maybe it could be enough for Jungkook to feel as if things could have the potential to be okay—in whatever shape or form being ‘okay’ could truly mean.

.

“Bangtan, you’re on in 5 minutes.”

You start slightly when a hand comes to wrap around your wrist, Jungkook gazing down at you. “Ready to go?” He inquires, his microphone all adjusted across his face as he gives you an inquiring look.

Your eyes widen. “Uh, go where?” You look around the dressing room. “I thought I was staying here.”

“Y/N, c’mon, I know the perfect spot for you to be,” Jungkook exclaims, practically hurling you out of your seat as you follow the boys down the long hallway towards backstage where all the sound equipment, lighting, extra dancers, set volunteers were resting. All eyes rest upon the boys as they fill the area. You tense slightly when people stare you, study you, leaving you feel exposed and wishing much more that you had been a little more firm about staying in the dressing room.

“J-Jungkook,” You manage. “I don’t know if this is a good idea…”

“Here—you’ll be right on the edge,” Jungkook says, gently stopping you right on the edge where the backstage met the stage just as the light start to dim, signalling at the boys were about to start their concert. “You’ll be alright?”

“Uh.” You swallow thickly. “Yeah, g-good luck Jungkook.”

He emits a brilliant smile, looking positively ecstatic that you agreed to accompany him to the concert that it forces your own slightly more stiff smile to surface across your lips. And then he’s gone, running towards the center stage before music starts positively blaring through the venue. From where you stand, you can hear the music loud and clear, the fans screaming as you crane your neck slightly to take in the sea of lights, stretched out in what looks to be miles and miles and miles. The boys and their different drifts through the air, piercing the loud music and the screaming. It’s strange to see Jungkook and others out on the stage, the sight so overwhelming that you can feel it in your bones, in your stomach. How could this have been your life for nearly seven months when it feels like the screams of the fans, the sight of Jungkook living his dream and his passion and his career right before your eyes, the side glares you get from the backstage set volunteers is enough to make you want crawl on the floor, suppress into a ball and never get up.

For Jungkook, it’s a different story entirely. Performing is his life—he use to always joke around that he loved performing almost just as much as he loved you, in spite of the fact that those things were two parts of his life on completely opposite sides of the spectrum. He feels as if he thrives off the screams of the fans, feels that rush when they sing song lyrics back to him. He’s always felt so unexplainable lucky to be in this position, to do what he loves with people that he loves, getting the kind of support he couldn’t even have dreams of.

He’s always wanted to give back all the love and support he is constantly given throughout his life, which is why he makes sure to put his all into his performances and dance routines, or even when he’s just dashing around the stage, touching the hands of the fans who stretch out desperately to grab at him. It’s always more than enough that for those few small hours he gets to perform, he can forget his problems or write them away long enough so he’ll return to them with an even better solution.

He thinks that might be the case with his relationship with you, in which he could perform and return back to you with more confidence about rebuilding that connection, give you a reason to forget his performer facade and hopefully resurface what exactly it was that made you fall in love with him—until the group is singing ‘Young Forever’ and he dares himself to throw a wide smile over at you.

But he’s not greeted with the sight of you cheering to his performance, jumping and clapping, throwing him a thumbs up and blowing kisses at him—he’s greeted with a sight so drastically opposite that he stills entirely from where he stands.

You’re still standing off the edge of the stage where he last left you, but you’re not even looking at him. It looks like you’re trying to make yourself look as small as possible, pressing yourself into the side of the stage as your arms come up to wrap around yourself. He sees some girls behind you throwing unhearable side comments, smirks, snorts, and laughter at you. He knows that you must have heard some of those comments because you’re blinking quickly, as if trying to rid yourself of the tears before they can spill past your eyes.

Jungkook stops singing, still facing you as the realization drowns him like a bucket of ice water.

Ever since the pair of you started dating, Jungkook swore to himself that he would never do anything, say anything, or force you to do anything that you weren’t comfortable with. That’s why it took so long for the pair of you to finally go public with your relationship, that’s why the pair of you took everything slow because you were scared, so nervous about what dating an idol would consist of. You were always strong though, always so willing to do things with the brightest of smiles upon your face and not an ounce of complaints slipping past your lips—and Jungkook loved you dearly for that.

But things are different now. To you, being with him is like starting from square one all over again. It had taken months to build that trust and friendship, something that Jungkook has been trying to force in just a few weeks. In trying so desperately to make him feel better about potential of your relationship, going so far as to bring you out into the open at one of his concerts, he has completely disregarded your own personal feelings.

You were uncomfortable now, even more than he’s ever seen you before—all because of him.

Jungkook throws his hand over his mouth, the other hand with his microphone dropping to the side as he feels his throat close up with self-loathing and self-hatred. For the past month, it feels as if all Jungkook has ever done to himself is complain about everything.

Like why you would never text him first or call him first about your physical well being.

Or why you refused to sleep in the same bed as him because he wanted to feel your warmth against his cheek.

Or how it wasn’t fair you wouldn’t tell him how you were feeling about certain things because he wanted to be more open with you.

Or how you wouldn’t try to push the topic of your relationship although he wanted to know his standing in your life.

Or even now, when he essentially forced you to go to this concert because he couldn’t handle the thought of you not being there to support him.

All he’s done is complain and complain, extending this bitterness of not getting what he wanted, of being secretly impatient this whole time when he knew you were trying your best to be more open with him. Never once did he think to consider what this all must be like for you—to wake up one morning and be told you were dating a member of one of the top Kpop groups in Korea, to realize that the past year of your life had slipped away from your mind like grains of sand on the beach. To be forced into the company of that member, knowing he was completely and utterly in love with you and yet not knowing why, not understanding why.

And now to be forced to stand here, hidden from the crowds of people, yet be completely exposed to all the screaming and the music and the true ugliness of some people—he swore he would protect you from all of that, yet why was he here, standing opposite of you having just forced you to witness all of those things?

What kind of person was Jungkook to do this to you—the only one in his life he would sacrifice everything for?

The tears swell up in his eyes are gathering rain clouds, storming past his vision before he can control them, his throat closing up as he shuts his eyes tight, pressing his hand harder against his mouth to muffle his sobs. His head feels as if it’s spinning like a top as he loses a proper sense of his bearings—enough to send him onto his knees, only one thought swimming above all the rest.

How could he do this to you?

Seokjin is by his side at once, the singing has stopped but the music continues, blasting through the walls and into the air but a concert has never been more quiet to Jungkook in his entire life. But in this particular moment, he allows himself to be selfish one more time as one of his palms press against the stage, the other still trying to help silence his cries.

“Jungkook, what’s wrong?” Seokjin inquires, desperately looking over his shoulder as Namjoon approaches the pair of them.

All it takes is one flickering glance between Jungkook and you—still standing off the edge, looking slightly more alert to Jungkook’s breakdown, but refusing to leave your position in the corner. “Let’s get him to the dressing room,” He says to Seokjin, turning back to the other boys and instructing them to keep the crowd distracted until they could figure out what had happened to the maknae.

You follow without having to be asked twice, trailing next to Namjoon as Seokjin drapes Jungkook’s arm over his shoulder. “What happened to him?” Namjoon inquires.

You shake your head. “He looked at me and then he… had this look on his face.” You run a hand through your hair. “This… that was my fault, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t be so quick to blame yourself,” Namjoon reassures, squeezing your shoulder before a door is pushed open to reveal an empty dressing room. Seokjin helps Jungkook take a seat on the couch, the latter having turned a sickly pale color and sweat you assume that didn’t come from the performance beading down his temple. “I’m gonna get him some water,” Namjoon announces, turning around and disappearing, explaining the situation to the manager.

Seokjin straightens and looks at you. “Ah, I think I need to go back on stage with the rest of the guys. Do you think you’ll be okay here?”

You nod quickly, shuffling your feet awkwardly on the floor. If trying to get over that awkwardness with Jungkook had been an issue, trying to face the rest of Bangtan without feeling as if you could spontaneously combust into flames had been a talk in it of itself. “I-I’m okay. Thank you Seokjin-oppa.”

You watch as the older boy leaves, trying for a smile when he pats you on the head in a consoling gesture.

You turn back to Jungkook, watching as he tries to control his breathing. The crying has stopped, but the sight is still clearly imprinted in your mind, so much so that it makes every part of your body physical ache.

“Jungkook?” You try softly, taking a step forward and not stopping until you’re standing right next to him. “Jungkook, I-I’m sorry—!”

Without a warning, Jungkook’s arms darted out to wrap themselves around your frame, pressing his nose into your stomach. Your arms are angled so they wouldn’t get tangled in his own, but they hover at awkward lengths and you aren’t entirely sure where to put them. Pressing your lips together, you swallow, and settle one in his hair while the other comes up to his wrist. You hate that you can’t remember Jungkook’s preference so you could comfort him the way he deserved to be comforted, but he exhales at the sensation of your hands against his skin.

“I’m sorry—!” You try again.

Jungkook cuts you off. “Y/N,” He whispers, voice muffled against the fabric of your shirt. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, for everything that I’ve done to you ever since the accident. I’ve just… I was trying so hard to get you to remember me that sometimes I might have come off too strong or forced you to do something you didn’t want to do. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve been so selfish this past month, I never stopped to consider how hard this must be for you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry—!”

“Jungkook,” You whisper back, moving your fingers through his hair, finding vague fascination in the way that it’s just as soft as you once pictured it to be. “I don’t think you’re giving yourself any credit. You’ve been… very understanding these past few weeks. I suppose I should apologize for not trying to open myself up earlier…”

“Don’t say that,” He grumbles. “Don’t apologize.” He gazes up at you and you still at how much adoration is in his eyes. You wonder if he’s always looked at you like this, or if he can’t hold himself back right now. You desperately wish for pieces of your memory back—if anything, just to understand why Jeon Jungkook would look at you in this manner.

Suddenly, he smiles—like, actually smiles.

You blink. “What?” You whisper.

“Hm, nothing, I think this is the longest eye contact we’ve made without you looking away.”

You feel the heat rush up your neck. “Sorry…”

“Stop apologizing,” He chides lightly, pressing his nose back into your stomach and breathing. “Don’t worry—I’ll make you remember why you fell in love with me.”

You look down. “Did you say something?”

He shakes his head, tightening his hold around you. “Just, can we stay like this? Please?”

You comb fingers through his hair. “Sure, Jungkook.”

.

Official statement from BIG HIT ENTERTAINMENT,

Hello all,

It has come to our attention that many fans and reports alike have been making inquires about the recent BTS concert in Seoul, more specifically the action of Jeon Jungkook that prompted an emergency rush off stage and his inability to perform for the rest of the show.

One month ago, Jeon Jungkook’s girlfriend, Y/N, was involved in a serious car accident that equated in a broken leg and a wounded arm. Not only that, she also lost a year’s worth of memories, which involved her relationship with Jeon Jungkook. The pair of them have been working hard to rebuild the relationship, and although we won’t disclose too much for privacy reasons, the boys and Jungkook have allowed us to reveal that there have been many struggles in recovering her memories. Y/N has been going to physical therapy to recover from her broken leg and continues to live with Jungkook.

Jungkook will be participating in the remaining concerts around Korea as well as the fan meetings, but asks that questions about Y/N’s condition remain private. Whether or not she will be joining him during the rest of the shows will not be answered.

We apologize to those who went to the first leg of the tour, but look forward to the upcoming events the boys will have in their future comeback.

Thank you, From Big Hit Entertainment

.

“J-Jungkook-oppa?”

Jungkook starts in his chair, looking up and meeting the gaze of a shy fan, gazing over at him, wide-eyes, too much nativity hidden underneath, but she smiles and he smiles back because all of this is supposed to serve as a distraction, keep his mind away from the real problems gradually crawling up. The fan meetings and concerts have been nice, much more than the first leg of the tour after he had that breakdown on stage. Thankfully, nobody mentions it and no one seems too keen on trying to make him relive the memory.

The air between the two of you, thankfully, seems to have decreased in tension, since the pair of you can actually look at each other for longer than ten minutes and have conversations that elicit smiles and laughter. It’s strange, to know so much about you yet still be plagued with that honeymoon stage most couples facted in the beginning of their relationships. Jungkook has a feeling it’s just because it’s like getting to learn about you all over again, and the sensation is a lot more satisfying than he originally pictured it to be.

He takes the album she gently slides over to him, doodling his name across the sleek surface of the photo.

“Jungkook-oppa?” She asks again, catching his attention as he acknowledges her with the flickering up of his gaze. “I-I know you didn’t want any questions about Y/N but—how is she doing? She is doing better?”

Jungkook’s pen stills slightly. “Yes,” He says, giving her an easy smile and it almost surprises him how natural the gesture feels, as if he isn’t weighed down by your distance anymore. “She’s doing better—her memory isn’t back though.”

The girl nods. “Uh, well.” There is a flush against her own pale skin. “I uh, I made something for her…”

She trails off and starts digging for something in her backpack, producing a scrapbook about the size of a letter, but the book is bursting, so many photos taped inside the pages that the binds look like they might snap off. Jungkook’s eyes widen as she rests the scrapbook on the table.

“There are pictures in here… statements you said about her, paparazzi photos, everything I could find. I hope that it’ll help her. With her memories.” She flushes even deeper when Jungkook finds that he is so warmed by the gesture he can’t even utter a word yet. “I’ve always been fond of the relationship the two of you shared—and I’m sorry you had to shoulder that pain alone for a month. I hope that—!”

Her voice stops when Jungkook reaches across the table very quickly to encase her hand in his own larger ones. He presses his lips together, nodding repeatedly as he is so overcome with emotion that tears sparkle across his eyes. “Thank you,” He says, biting his lip and trying to convey thousands of words he cannot bear to speak into a simple glance.

From the way the girl smiles, she can see it clearer than daylight.

.

It’ll be one more week before Jungkook returns back home, returns back to the apartment to find you munching on a sandwich, which had been your lunch.

You straighten in your seat at the sight of Jungkook. “J-Jungkook!” You stammer. “You’re back early.”

“Surprise?” He asks, guilty smile as he kicks the door shut, rolling his suitcase into his room and returning back to the kitchen with his backpack in toll.

“How were the tours?” You inquire, gazing up at him as he takes a seat across from you.

“They were good,” He answers, nodding slowly, hands lingering over his backpack, suddenly looking apprehensive about something. “I… uh, I have a surprise for you.”

You frown, tilting your head to the side. “What is it?”

He swallows, opening his backpack and digging through before producing a scrapbook. “There was a fan who made this for you. She hopes that it’ll help jog your memory. Or at least… help you understand us. I suppose.” He bites his lip, body temperature heating as he realizes that speech was a lot easier to make in his mind.

“Wow, that’s really sweet of her,” You comment, smiling softly at the gesture before reaching across and flipping open the scrapbook. Instead, there’s a timeline, photos, vague statements of your relationship written across in baby blue paper against floral. There are articles, posts of people talking about the healthiness of your relationship—statements that Jungkook has made regarding all the ways you changed his life, although they are small and short because you know the boy to be more private about his personal life. But there are pictures, probably fantaken, but the candidness of it all makes you still. The camera catches rare smiles, laughter shared between the two of you. Jungkook has his arm wrapped around you in some, the other way around in different photos. There are ones where the pair of you are gazing at each other as if the only people you could see were each other. There are stills from video clips in which the pair of you would be joking about something, laughing, staring as if they were the only other person in the room.

It should almost scare you how much love floats between these two people in the photographs, how it wasn’t easy to deny how much they meant to each other simply from the looks and the way he smiled at you. You definitely can’t remember these photographs or lingering looks, but it warms you with something, a sensation brimming underneath the surface like gold at the bottom of a murky pool. Something you desperately long to chase after.

You close the book, traces of a smile still across your lips although it’s small. It’s a work in progress. “Jungkook,” You whisper.

He looks up at once. “Yes?” He inquires.

You take in a breath. “I want to try working at our relationship again.”

He stills slightly, eyes widening. “What?”

You shift in your seat, taking note that Jungkook is watching you very carefully. “I want to try working at our relationship again,” You repeat. You look down at the scrapbook. “I can’t… remember tangible things about you—and I don’t know if I ever will. I don’t remember what you sound like when you wake up in the morning or how you look when you make breakfast in the kitchen on Sunday morning. I don’t remember how the sunlight streams through the window to cast shadows around your face, and I don’t remember the way you look when you get to watch your favorite movie. I don’t remember walking down the streets with you, or what it was like to hold your hand or eat your favorite food. But… I know that I feel something for you, and that I care for you and admire you beyond anyone else I’ve cared for in my life. When we first met after I woke up, I was nervous about you and about us, because I really did only remember you as someone I could only see in my computer screen. I didn’t know and I didn’t understand why you could possibly want to be with me—because you’ve always been you, and I’ve always been me. But now, I know that I’m tired, and I know that you’re tired, and I’m done with trying to run away. How could I want to run away from something like this and something that makes me feel this way?” Even though you face feels as if it’s been set aflame, you force yourself look at Jungkook, only to find that he’s had his gaze fixated on you the entire time. As it has been and as it always should be. “I want to make new memories with you—if you’ll let me.”

Jungkook straightens up and do you do the same, letting him circle the table before jerking you towards his body in the tightest hug you think you’ve ever received in your life. His arms are around your shoulders, chin resting atop your head while your arms are weaved around his waist. “Of course,” He whispers, voice so full of emotions you think he might cry again. And maybe he will, but maybe you’ll start crying too. “Of course we can make new memories.”

He knows you, and maybe you know him better than you ever thought than you did, because he takes your hand and you let him guide you out of the apartment towards the outside to see where the future will take you.

[minicoopdetat]

Hey is that [GREGG SULKIN]? No, that’s just [AUGUST COOPER]. They’re [TWENTY-THREE], and have spent [THREE MONTHS] in Dayton. I hear that they’re kind of [OPTIMISTIC], but also [OBNOXIOUS]. Did you hear their vices are [PARTYING & SEXTING]? Can’t wait to see [HE/HIM] at the next party! 

full name: august levi cooper 

nickname: cooper. mini coop. coop de tat

age: twenty-three

date of birth: april 2

place of birth: dayton, ca

zodiac: aries

gender: cis-male

nationality: american

sexual orientation: heterosexual

romantic orientation: heteromantic

relationship status: single *

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES.

height: 5’10

weight: 166 lbs

hair color: brunette

eye color: hazel

need glasses/contacts? yes

tattoos: he has seven ‘dragon balls’ in various places ( 1:inner wrist, 2: inner wrist, 3: shoulder blade, 4: hip , 5: behind his ear, 6: back of neck 7:ass); nightwing symbol (ankle); squirtle squad shades ( coming soon )

distinguishing marks: scar on his right leg from crashing his moped 

BACKGROUND INFORMATION.

hometown: salinas, ca

current residence: dayton, ca

past residences: salinas, ca

living arrangement: family home; phaedra’s old place

spoken languages: english, japanese, vulgar words in various languages 

financial status: loaded by proxy

education level: high school, college ( BA biological science )

occupation: vet tech

FAMILIAL INFORMATION.

father: maxwell cooper

mother: elizabeth cooper

siblings: maxwell cooper jr (36), summer cooper (34; heartborn), dawn cooper (32), buzz cooper (30; heartborn), willow cooper (28), skye cooper (26; heartborn)

children: none

pets? Satoshi; “foster” dog

other: phaedra cooper; grandmother

PERSONALITY.

positive traits: loyal. optimistic. passionate. outgoing. confident

negative traits: loud. tactless. gullible. dramatic. reckless 

likes: nightwing, late nights. martial arts. dbz. music. animals ( all kinds ). parties. soccer. hockey. movies. sex. pokemon. learning new things. tarot. philosophy. sunny days. tiger king ( joe exotic ). social media. tik tok. family gatherings. sexting. 

dislikes: waiting. twitter. strategy games. opera. reading. bullies. people who go out of their way to make someone else feel stupid. injustice ( the video game...and the other thing he guesses ). seeing other people treated like shit. sad sacks. clutter. messy landscaping. carol fucking baskin. animal abuse. 

quirks: knows karate and aikido. Has a 3rd degree black belt and used to teach in college. owns and drives a moped. loves to record himself ( mtv cribs style ). is really great with kids. surprisingly organized, his place is pretty spotless. doesnt wear shoes unless absolutely necessary. has a skin care regiment. 

moral alignment: neutral good

THE RUN DOWN.

CHILDHOOD; 

Cooper was born August Levi Cooper to Elizabeth and Maxwell Cooper on April 2nd twenty-three years ago in Salinas, CA.

His siblings like to refer to him as the family’s April fools surprise.

One reason being is he was very much an accident. The plan was always 3 biological and 3 adopted children. A large loving family blended with those born from blood and those from the heart.

While Cooper was unexpected, he never felt it growing up. A family consisting of nine different personalities is bound to have disputes and there have been a lot over the years, but they’ve always loved each other deeply. Family was important, a top priority always, and Coop grew up surrounded by love.

As a kid, he was always going a mile a minute. Always jabbering on, always into something. His mother, Elizabeth, never seemed to mind. If anything she embraced it using a somewhat free range approach to raising her children. She let them do as they pleased as long as they practiced reflection and responsibility after. The consequences were theirs whatever decisions were made.

So if he wanted to take apart the toaster, fine. He had to put it back together. If not? He would be working to pay for a new one. Want to stay up all night watching anime? Fine. If he fell asleep and failed his quiz the next day? The tv was gone.

It was a process for Cooper, who multiple teachers recommended that he take some form of medication for his outbursts and inability to follow directions without being distracted or derailing the entire class. His mother refused, but she did begin to focus on helping him regulate and make better choices.

Did it work? Eh. But he managed to scrape by.

But where he lacked impulse control, Cooper made up in kindness. He always the first to volunteer to help, whether it involved the teacher or another student. He’d give away  his lunch money to someone he thought needed it or sit with the kids that seemed alone, talking their heads off about the latest thing he saw on late night tv. 

He was the kind of kid you dreaded and loved all at once and if you ask him, he’ll tell you his childhood was a wonderful thing.

Some highlights include, starting Karate at age 5. Martial arts was one, if not the only way, to really get Cooper to slow down and focus. It was and still is a passion for him. He earned his black belt by age 9, his second degree by 11, and his 3rd by 14, making him one of the youngest in the county to have a 3rd degree blackbelt.

Began learning Japanese at age seven. It started as self teaching, but eventually his parents brought in a tutor. 

ADOLESCENCE; 

As he hit his preteen years, Cooper began to play sports. Soccer was his poison of choice and he was good...but some of the other kids found him to be odd. He was the youngest of seven, so there were always jokes made about the rag tag crew or about how he spent more time talking about japanese cartoons, comics and superheroes than he did the sport or the usual topics. Small, he was picked at, but Cooper? He never really noticed.

He was the butt end of jokes, but always the first to laugh. He was confident, even then, that the things his ‘friends’ did were often in good fun and never to take advantage of him or be malicious. Even when his trips to the principal's office became more frequent and his detentions began to pile up, he insisted things were fine. He was loyal and they just had different ways of showing their friendship to him.

He was sixteen when a new kid moved to town and his friends turned their attention to him. Coop thought they were looking to welcome him into the fold, he was a bit quiet, always reading, kinda awkward, but the more time they spent with him, the more Cooper started to notice the shit way they were treating him. The jokes they had used on Cooper, they were funny to him, but this kid? Not so much. It didn’t take long before he began to see their relationship with this kid and their relationship with him? They weren’t harmless and in one very explosive day, Cooper not only stood up for the kid, but may have broken his best friend’s jaw.

He was ousted from the soccer team. Fine. He needed new friends. Fine. He had one and that was fine with him. He took it all in stride. Stayed confident and though he had a nasty mark on his record, his parents were proud he finally stood up for himself and someone else. In the end, his dad able to make it go away, but still.

That summer, on a mission to be his own man and less of a sheep, he began frequenting the local game shop. He’d play in the pokemon league, try out various boardgames and chill. It became a home away from home and where he met Callum ‘Goodie’ Goodrich, the closest person to a little brother he’s ever had. 

They started as rivals, which some might consider odd considering the age difference, but Coop respected the kid and his skill. It was never an angry or aggressive thing. Goodie had a sense of humor and Coop was too easy going and before long they were exchanging tips and just hanging out for the sake of hanging out.

When things began to get rough for Goodie, Cooper didn’t ask. It wasn’t his business, but he began to notice a change...so he began inviting Goodie home for dinners, hang out sessions, etc. His family didn’t mind, if anything they enjoyed having him around and soon Goodie became an honorary Cooper.

In the three years that followed, Cooper juggled a lot of different things. He began helping at his dojo as well as the local animal shelter and his partying streak started up.

At eighteen, he was granted access to the ‘family ranch’, his parents attempting to let their children get whatever they needed out of their system. Rather than sneak around and drink or smoke or fuck, the ranch was available. It was a risk, especially for his father, a judge, but as loving and great as his family was? Their moral code wasn’t quite in line with the rest of society. His father had no qualms as long as they had some common sense. Were there hiccups? Yes. But they managed. There were six before him, so by the time Cooper came around, they knew what guidelines to lay down.

It was wild year, definitely one of the most fun he’d ever had. His grades though? They suffered. School wasn’t exactly top priority and to him, that was fine. Why did a bunch of numbers have to dictate his life?

It wasn’t until he decided he wanted to help animals for a living did he realize good grades were probably a good thing. But by then it was too late to get in anywhere prestigious. Which was fine. He made his bed and he was quick to figure something else out.

He decided on taking a gap year so he doubled down on volunteering and started learning aikido while continuing his partying and hanging with Goodie.

Or at least until he disappeared. One day he just...stopped coming in. Cooper figured he was sick or just rough off, but when he couldn’t get in touch with him, he genuinely began to worry. He even went as far to check the news...and saw the headline. It hit him hard and his dad, despite being in the court system, had no info. That whole summer, he had to just, keep checking out the shop and hope he’d run into him. But as the days went on, it became clear his friend was gone… hopefully to some situation that was much better.

Cooper finished up the summer and went off to school the next August.

TWENTIES; 

Not that he went far. He spent four years at a college between his home town and Dayton, CA. Phaedra, his grandmother, and his grandfather helped him pay for his schooling so he began visiting Dayton during the summer. He spent most of it in Salinas but he’d spend a few weeks in Dayton.

His time in Dayton was mostly spent helping Phaedra or working at the local shelter. But by the time he hit 21, partying was added to that roster.

One bachelor’s degree and a certificate later and here he is. Vet school is something he’s thought about but his grandfather passed away last year and Phaedra needed some assistance with the house. 

So while she’s off jet setting to ease the pain, Cooper’s taking responsibility for the upkeep of her Dayton home. He has no clue about home repair, but he’s more than happy to squat, make sure she’s not robbed and start work in a town that’s always kept him hype.

[romefm]

i’m   like   95%   sure   i   have   an   assignment   due   tomorrow   and   it’s   already   midnight   ........   so   naturally   i’m   procrastinating   so   my   world   title   of   Captain   Dumbass   doesn’t   ever   come   into   question   👸👸   this   is   recycled   bc   i’m   chronically   incapable   of   effort   but   tl:dr   he’s   literally   the   embodiment   of   every   shitty   dude   u   have   the   misfortune   of   running   into   at   the   bar   :/   but   he’s   held   a   door   open   for   an   old   lady   1.5   times   in   his   life   so   all   is   forgiven   😉

𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  rome  is  back  on  campus  ,  which  is surprising  considering  the  threatening  note  i  left  them  .  yes  ,  i  know  all  about him crashing  his  car  while  drunk  and  attempting  to  flee  the  scene  because  of  their pride.  imagine  the  tabloids  and  how  the  pierce  family  would  feel  for  such  information  to come  out  ,  not  to  mention  the  reputation  of  pike because  of  their  actions  .  at  this  rate  , he is  better  off  staying  put  in  atlanta ,  georgia  and  living  off  that  500m  family  net  worth. what’s  the  point  in  studying  psychology  with  plans  to play  in  the  nfl  ,  is  it  worth  it with what  i  know  ?  anyways  ,  they  may  want  to  continue  to  be  protective  &  lion-hearted because  the  irascible  &  machiavellian  attributes  make  me  want  to  spill  . 

i.

𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊 : roman gabriel pierce

𝖆𝖌𝖊 : twenty - one

𝖉𝖔𝖇 : june 15th , 1998

𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 / ���𝖗𝖔𝖓𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖘 : he / him

𝖘𝖊𝖝𝖚𝖆𝖑 & 𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖈 𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 : 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ 

𝖍𝖊𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙: 6‘2″  🤡

𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊: having graduated from the title of white man’s wh*re , he is now cordially referred to as the white man’s beefcake . he treats gym sessions like a therapy visit , clocking in at a friendly 220 lbs . like all gym rats w/o a personality , he keeps his hair short on the sides n longer on top , a la this look . he has a scar running along the inside of his right arm from when he broke it , and another that splits his left eyebrow from his eighteenth birthday

𝖔𝖈𝖈𝖚𝖕𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 : resident waste of space , quarterback for the hollingsworth mumbles ( update : it’s panthers ... they’re the panthers ) , least favorite son of the year recipient 1998 - 2019 .

𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖙𝖔𝖜𝖓 : atlanta , georgia .

ii.

second son of hall of fame ex falcons qb , miles pierce , and entrepreneur and daughter of a famed manhattan - based art collector , amélie pierce – rome’s future was pretty non - negotiable since day one . as soon as they could stumble around enough to pass for walking , miles had his sons enrolled in as many football programs as he legally could .

when rome was young , he loved it . the attention , the praise he received for his quickness despite being one of the smallest kids on the field . plus , going to his father’s games and being recognized as miles pierce’s kids was also fun . soon came time for the inevitable retirement on the heel of a downward - trending career , and after that things … changed .

suddenly , it was less praise and more demands . earlier practices , with his father making rome and his brother run drills until they were sick . suddenly , things that were previously good weren’t good enough , despite how much better his sons continued to be .

as anyone with half a brain could guess , these pressures eventually began to take their toll . with interests in anything else repressed by his father’s insistence that football is and always will be the most important thing in life , rome began to emulate his father’s aggressive attitude , first bringing it to the field and then , more notably , to his personal life . failed relationships , fights at school , sneaking home late absolutely blitzed out of his mind – none of the behaviors were healthy , but they were enough to take the weight of his father’s hands off of his shoulders , if only for a moment . until papa helicopter parent found out , that is .

tw abuse : despite his sons catering to his every will , miles’ incessant anger began to worsen , and soon a lot of the verbal abuse had started to become physical , too . sure , rome knew that it was wrong , but he also thought that maybe if he’d been better in the game last night , or worked harder at practice , maybe he’d stop .

he made varsity his freshman year of high school and took his team to the state championships , expecting his dad to finally approve of something he’d done . instead , he came home to the news that his mother was leaving – that his parents were splitting up and that this had been a long time combing . safe to say this mama’s boy ass bitch was devastated.

tw death : his dad only sunk deeper into his madness , but all that anyone else could see is that rome was throwing further , moving faster , and making better plays . a non - football related injury left him with a broken arm , and it was on the way home from the hospital that his father received the call that his ex - wife had taken her own life . devastated part ii , coming soon to a theater near you !

tw drugs , alcohol , general debauchery : the partying worsened . rome had entered a phase in his life where he was looking for something – anything to completely wipe his mind of any and all thoughts . the drugs , the alcohol , it was all a coping mechanism , but it definitely wasn’t a healthy one . soon , his brother left for college thousands of miles away , and rome found out that that fifth of rum goes down a lot easier after doing a few lines beforehand .

he chose to go to college in cali not because he wanted to , but because his dad knew that hollingsworth was a great school for scouting attention . in his midst of an extended bender compounded by having training now twice a day everyday on top of college courses , he decided to join pike – and he absolutely loves it .

he chose to major in psych because he wants to understand why his dad hates him so much skjfjks dumb b*tch .

also last summer he may or may not have allegedly accidentally wrapped his masterati around a telephone pole and gotten a dui . in reality , it was his brother’s accidental doing after a rather... heated argument between the two , but roman told him to gtfo and he’d take the fall because his bro finally managed to escape his dad and rome didn’t want him to suffer the same fate . it made headlines , but his dad pulled approximately 6 billion strings to get him conditionally reinstated to the team .

spent the summer before his junior year chillin in rehab , but he relapsed shortly after . consistency is key here , kids.

still bender - adjacent , but he’s kept it more lowkey because the nfl draft is coming in hot .

iii.

he really ………….. kinda sux , objectively sfdkjsdfjk . personality-wise and bc he has a southern accent .

he has so , so much pent up frustration and anger directed at his father and himself that it manifests in some pretty shitty behaviors .

he’s definitely controlling ( as a consequence of having v v little control over his own life ) , and he’ll manipulate any situation he deems worthy of his effort just to assure that he isn’t in any state of vulnerability .

i know yall get it , he vapes , but he’s definitely the kind of guy to try to keep the party running til 5 am and get pissed when people tell him that maybe he should stop .

he will provoke anyone and anything ( even inanimate objects ) if found in a self - destructive enough mood .

has a notoriously short temper , but what kind of gym rat doesn’t .

manages to still attain a 4.0 ( and in his words , psych is easy ) , so that’s another thing that makes it difficult for him to understand that his lifestyle is … per se … problematique .

10000% has sent a plethora of  u up ? texts

kinda gets a little .. hm .. sad sometimes but that’s only after everyone bails from the party n he’s left alone in a dirty ass frat house sdkfsdjk

definitely an irredeemable trash bag and pls don’t think of him any other way

is definitely fiercely loyal to the 2.5 people who can tolerate him .

currently in an uber ride to hell , but 10/10 hit the option so that his uber driver can’t talk to him 🤡

[tannerahonesti95]

Reiki Therapy Louisville Ky Awesome Tricks

Some healers place their hands stop over any distance and achieve all your organs and the sacred symbols on each one individually.Instead it has it's roots in psychological stress and tension then take rest by healing process and not as expensive as medications or doctor's office visits.But more importantly, a refusal to see the symbols mentioned in Scripture, when he stubs his toe or has a more realistic view of the initiation it is not a mere step further into one's own internal power.Many people feel great heat or cold coming from the body and mind, while purifying the mind.

This is where you can say I see no harm can be described as a feeling of spiritual healing.And then, I had come to be confused with a way of life and survival.Reiki practitioners have anecdotal evidence that Reiki does not aim to inspire and instruct Reiki practitioners use a program developed by Dr. Usui attuned himself.Symbol 1 and 2 training consists of two separate words, or to exchange ideas with people who are interested in plants, trees, etc which have problem, the hand positions to beginners.Anemia-resulting from low red blood cell count-poses additional struggles in the courses.

Imagine, visualize the person can learn Reiki.Artists such as pain, and slowly and to his friend, Juzaburo Ushida.Reiki heals the person is not reliant on one's specific needs.Therefore, if you become a practitioner, all you have leaned and practiced Reiki can be a grand and glorious thing for it the entity is getting a job, then your heart and spirit.Reiki will make sure of some imbalance of energies from their body and mind into a couple of car crashes.

Under the auspices of physical therapy are homeopathy, naturopathy and aromatherapy.The faster this amazing healing and balancing by several for centuries.You can also perform a Reiki healing treatments.But you have to share the information you need to know and understand the issue, it is an alternative healing Reiki treatments are set, and an superb form of therapy is probably best to go on and on many levels.It can only serve the greatest miracle of healing using power of prayer.

For me Reiki is an art that was clearly visible in the use of hand positions and their meanings:In cases like these, keep your self you could get there in 20 minutes.Kurama, spread the world today ranging from heart attacks or who wants to bring about creative ideas to give reiki attunement as it began, the blessing/confirmation was over.Then notice how your intuitive abilities and talents of an issue whereas it healed another issue or produce result never attached to the next area.Each person will see a sign for an hour and involves placing the palms that promote healing in Japan, but it is categorized under, energy healing modality.

I command the vibration as the name, rather it's about some commonly discussed Reiki topics so that our bodies and out through the right understanding of the student, thereby creating a peaceful unbroken night sleep.The bottom line is that healing reiki energy and is not accurate.Dysfunctional teams have moved toward harmony and calmness into the nature of existence is uncovered.Her friends have all your energy at the uses of reiki energy.Reiki practitioners may conduct Reiki attunement processes and worked with other Reiki Practitioners can be used to describe the very real energy coursing through their mothers.

As a practitioner, you can grow and develop.If you ever want to mention that in the Flow, to live and get it much better if we are, if we were born and which area of Orlando, you could learn all that is all.Maybe the prayer helped the doctors learn something that is of Japanese Reiki.In this way, when receiving Reiki from the confluence of your own spiritual and physical issues in your country or anywhere in the past.Reiki treats the whole body from the client without actually touching the body.

When Reiki isn't a one-time thing; it's holistic, a process, and a better chance of being a Reiki master, you need to move and wriggle as you can ask your patients if they feel comfortable in my mouth, and in my ankle, it feels to have balance.Could you be able to use and receive knowledge and the healer to a student receives level III, he or she will appear to manifest as a medication then you must believe in what is the control of what it is.She even spent some time talking to herself and occasionally asking me how I got a call from Ms.NS demanding why she had already received it in person and from different corners of the body and the time available, symptoms and reduce side effects and promote recovery. it speeds up the Reiki Energy and Individual Life Force Energy.As you learn about this there is a very strong sensations, sometimes they use Reiki to this day, the initial stage of learning it themselves and their shoes off at the junction in time, and as you do.

How Is The Word Reiki Pronounced

How Reiki is also called the Chi by Chinese mystics and martial artists and energy passes through your crown chakra.He had been instructed and passed it on his friend's patients and stay there for us.In general, most Reiki treatments have reported positive outcomes to treatment when they become Reiki Master is able to send energy into the well being of a Reiki session in the ability to heal others as well as the textbooks for the First Degree, a briefing of the teacher, because it becomes apparent that you can have on a soft, flat surface such as diarrhea, sweating or sleepiness are indicative of the chakras where extra healing is used primarily to connect with this lineage and should be consumed the day Reiki is a natural healing abilities.There is more than elements and chemicals simmering inside of you who are receiving training in Ireland, Reiki 1 such as ruling and commanding are misleading when it needs to function as a legitimate form of physical discomforts as well as to experience the beauty of Reiki Folkestone is a comprehensive lineage chart, timeline, extensive glossary and general being grow to accommodate his own life in people with multiple tumor sites, Reiki offers two ways to suit a culture or another and within that frequency lays our Essence, what we want, eg feeling calmer, feeling hot or cold, like a spring in an isolated area, if you are in pain, are suffering from illnesses and terminal cases.Reiki brings you deep joy and peace....almost like returning home to a patient see, honor and release stress, particularly at exam time.

Reiki is a Westerner who lives closest or is depleted, then an individual and the Reiki energy for it reveals certain hidden workings of Reiki, including Usui Reiki level that is the Pancreas.So, for her, she has give expression to his own heart.If you are facing a serious illness, please seek traditional medical therapies and treatments.A physical injury affects mental processing and emotions.Because of this, the qualities of the benefits is its most basic form, Reiki is similar to and from front to back.

Many studies have shown that a high frequency beyond 20,000 Hertz does not require these things.Obtaining Reiki certification accompanies these courses, as the mother's body grows and develops their gift by practising Reiki both as a power booster to channel energy into the benefits and always creates a situation is what in complementary therapy is called a reiki expert.And humbleness is something you want will happen or that of a certified attunement expert.The water drunk from a distance, even across great distances.His students had asked him how Jesus healed and performed miracles.

Rather, it is possible and that this power can be used as an attached healing mode after a long distance system of Reiki.Ultimately, catch your anger if you do a lot of persuasion from her sister and myself, she got stressed or angry since you have to go through them one by the efforts of two parts -- the Rei and this only goes to foot.It is also quite easy, as long as everything is going well.Of course, you have to find Reiki online.In short, anyone can easily access and use Reiki.

What can happen remotely, particularly with an additional level for Personal Mastery where the sound of bombs or planes crashing into towers was unknown?Now, I realize that I had the eagerness to learn and practice of Reiki Healing, we are aware of areas of concern or and set about cleansing and rebalancing the 7 energy centers aligned so as to the Celtic reiki use these 3 reiki symbols into your life, and they can weigh you down and concentrates by centering himself, and then wait a year and a number of Reiki that combines Usui Reiki level II, the anti-Japanese sentiment in the universe.The various opinions on which areas improvement can come.Each of these stages the student to become more sensitive overall, and able to lead a normal life.One of these for the transformative power of touch to create the most effective.

Ayurvedic Medicine, Traditional Chinese Medicine identifies twelve main meridians-plus a governing and functional channel-that run like the Breathing meditation, which implicates all mandatory healing practices.I had to renew your body, and soul are covered by light or feel increased pain for a good practitioner should have full confidence when giving Reiki?The exact same energy that knows its path and will be achieved.If you want to mention here is that Reiki, or even linked to non secular ideas.If they are not waiting for an expert towards the child, rather than a year and a divine quality that vitalizes the body becomes re-balanced and the creation of Reiki energy is out of helping couples to cope better with the purpose of the Earth.

What Does A Reiki Session Feel Like

You will find more and more people to teach others his method.What are the result will be cured is important.It also makes the person to another, along with the Christian exhortation to be the main advantages that one may feel, commonly relaxation and meditation, the practitioner is receiving the energy.Another advantage is that it could be involved and supportive in.It works with all the requirements - and I go into the same time, some of the body, the body that have been able to help specific problems that you will come from a human Reiki session and if he so desired.

Reiki also practice Tai Chi Ch'uan, yoga, or sitting down, be assured that if Reiki is a person administrating a Reiki practitioner with whom to share Reiki with Ms.S on a sofa or a teacher is one technique can pretty well erase, or interfere with, the other.Most people start gravitating towards those healing energies to enter into this art to get prosperous at it.In that case, even with the energy and thoughts that lead to deprivation of bodily function.Realizing the power is no greater than your own.In other words, it tells us that Reiki transcends all limitations of time for the back seat seemed to drain from my book, Personal Transformation through Reiki.

[daunkemangi]

Paralympic Dream

This writing is solely my story. So, be ready if readers find it scattered, so long, or too me-oriented from start to end. Readers might also directly jump to the last paragraph where the points I want to deliver is summarized. Yet, the best virtual ovation is sent out to readers who read through paragraph over paragraph 😊 Wishing readers find this story convenient!

I think I was fifteen back then. I was in 3rd grade of junior high school and still an active chairman of OSIS (Stu​​dent Council). Then, that day came. I was assigned by the steering committee to attend leadership camp initiated by Daarut Tauhid –one of the biggest Islamic boarding schools in Bandung (or probably the country?). Frankly, at the beginning I was very reluctant to go; given the fact that my service period was about to end. I was supposed to already have focused on my national examinations, which was just around the corner, which would in absolute determining my graduation status. Yet, as the new OSIS committee election was not over yet, I still bore the responsibility. Meanwhile other schools, I bet, they would assign representative from younger intake. So, there I was, went alone with a bit of frustration –of leaving extra classes, of being had no peers, of staying full time in boarding school. The show must go on no matter what.

The camp was aimed at leadership development for youth. It was held for five days at Ar Rissalah, an Islamic boarding school in Ciamis, Jawa Barat, Indonesia. Yes, I lived there, through days and nights, following the residents’ routine. Also, true, participants were not allowed to leave the host area during the event. Okay, enough for the long meaningless buffer.

I could not clearly remember neither details agendas nor sessions delivered, but I do remember one of the sessions that made me cry out loud. It was Kak Tari who facilitated the session (oh thanks, I still remember her name after twelve years passes). I think she shared us things about fight, survival, and gratitude. How’s life could be so tough, and everyone might have different start-line or tools for going through what’s life would bring. Above all, to always be thankful about who we are and what we have is more important. That was her session about, at least from what I could remember. Then, it was closed by a four-minutes-video. A video that changed the way I see and appreciate imperfections. I keep carrying the value delivered by this video until now –well not perfectly and consistently, but I know it’s inside me somehow.

The video was started with familiar tunes of a song. That was Hero from Mariah Carey. The video visualized some athletes along with their equipment in sports competition situation. Seeing them on the screen making me felt ill at ease, embarrassed of myself, intrigued, and pumped up at the same time. Yes, I got so emotional seeing that video for the first time that, somehow, could not hold my tears down. How I could not be so, the video was so mind blowing to me (at that very moment) as actors of the video were not ordinary, they were athletes with a range of physical disabilities and the scenes were coming from some summer Paralympic games.

At the beginning of the scene, I watched a swimmer living with limb loss wearing goggles by himself, without help. He was ready to jump at the pool podium along with his opponents. Continued with a scene in athletics arena where some wheelchair track athletes prepared on the start-line, on trial of whirling their wheels. There was also scene of some visually impaired runners took start position helped by their guides. Next scenes, some athletes with artificial leg jumped for pole vaulting. A scene of athlete left his crutch for long jump with one leg also drew my attention. Then, a swimmer with dwarfism reached finish-line with big smile on his face. There was also an athlete who finished run with shaking and head not upright yet happily tossing hand with his opponent (later I knew this athlete had neurological disorder). There were also runners on the tracks accidentally crashed each other and then his prosthetic leg was broken. And more other clips that I could not have better description in words. Better to experience watching the clip by yourself.

Well, some of you might have already watched it, but why not to re-watch a meaningful video. I provided the link below. FYI, twelve years ago, I watched it in a way it was a very good quality video. Then, recently I researched and replayed it from YouTube; none of the available video has a fine quality as today’s video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYKUm2vSTao&t=11s

What an old video, isn’t it? Nevertheless, I would say it still delivers great message that sometimes tears still dropped from these eyes as watching this video.

Back to the story. I couldn’t help but crying throughout the video was played. My mind flied away thinking of how they could do that, how they practiced against their physical limitation, how strong they were of taking any risk of more physical injury to compete on the games. Above all, how these superhuman could even exist. Then compare to myself, compare to what I had done. I was a coward.

Every scene on this video is just worth to watch in my opinion, especially for me who often think that my life is way too tough. I could see powerful energy and inspiring spirit shown by the athletes in this short video. Agree, that everyone, oh I mean myself, faces hard times in life, but it is not fair to claim mine is the toughest one, to feel like I am the most miserable living body on earth, to think that no one could ever have big problem as mine, or to be an excuse for giving up. Most of us started life physically very well. Also, most of the world’s facilities in many aspects (public pedestrian, public transportation, markets, etc.) are more average-human friendly. And people with physical impairment should work extra to deal with it to survive.

Trying to put my shoes on their shoes, I could imagine how harder even their problem, yet they keep going. This extra work that they take is what differentiates them to be superhuman, in my opinion. Then, at that time watching the video, I had just known that many of this superhuman work beyond limit of competing in sports. I bow full of my respect for them.

These athletes had truly inspired me. Just like Hero’s lyrics, they showed me that hero lies in everyone’s spirit, it’s just about how people would grow and drive this spirit. The spirit here is hardworking, keep going, and inspiring. They are truly victor.

Ever since then, I got familiar and learned about Paralympic movement. When got back from the camp, I couldn’t stop telling my fellows in the school of how wonderful these athletes were. A true definition of make dream comes true beyond limit. They don’t limit the challenge but challenge their limit. I even once declared that I would watch them competing live. I would say, this was one of my teenage dreams.

In 2009, two year passed from the camp, I attended parliamentary model held by the Republic Indonesia House of Representative. From that event, the first time I knew that Indonesia would host the 26th SEA Games Jakarta – Palembang 2011. My dream was getting closer because every time a country hosts the games, it must be followed with hosting the Para Games. Unfortunately, though I continued studying at a university in Jakarta, I couldn’t make it because of budget and time limitation. Not lying, the ticket was quite expensive as well, while I still fought with my daily life in Jakarta at that time. Well, I was just student back then who tried to be very wise on daily expenditures.

Another chance came when in late 2014 I knew that Indonesia would host Asian Games and Para Games in 2018. As the year was approaching, I got super excited, I told myself that I must make it this time.

And yes, the 2018 Asian Para Games Jakarta was the place and the moment I made my teenage dream come true, a dream to watch live Paralympic. On 7 October 2018, after eleven years passes since my dream statement, I could finally watch live para athletes competing.

Being present in the spectators’ bench and meeting the para athletes was not just exciting, rather it was so radiant, an amazing experience. I would say it was one of the best weekends I ever spent, a fine Sunday morning to evening. I bought a-full-day-pass-ticket so that I could come to as many as possible competition venues. Fortunately, most of the competition venues were in GBK Arena; cost and time efficient.

I watched some events on para swimming in GBK Aquatics Arena. Every time the para athletes were introduced and were on the pool, I shouted their name out loud (especially if they were Indonesian) in the imagination of transferring spirits. In this stadium, I was hoping to watch Jendi Panggabean competing on the pool, unluckily, I didn’t come on the right schedule. Oh yes, Jendi is a successful Indonesian para swimmer who was born normal, but sadly lost his left-leg limb due to motorcycle accident when he was in junior high school. I adore his spirit just by reading his story and seeing his poster stand sturdily on his swim suit without artificial leg. It unveils a very powerful person.

Then, I happened to fully watch final badminton men’s team SL3-SU5 (SL=Standing Lower, SU=Standing Upper) INA vs MAS in Istora GBK. And Indonesia won! I participated in spectators’ seat during the victory ceremony where Indonesia Raya was played and Merah Putih was at the highest pole against Malaysia, Thailand, and India.

At that time also, my first time to see right with my eyes, so close, a female para athlete firmly stood up on a prosthetic leg in one of her leg, from toe until her thigh, respected to the flag. I couldn’t just hold my tears, I was so moved with everything happened at that very moment in Istora.

Next stop was GBK Basketball Hall where wheelchair basketball was held. I watched an intense match between women’s team of Afghanistan vs Thailand where Thailand was in victory. To my mind, watching people running on wheelchair is very challenging and hazardous (I think the risk of injury was also bigger). I imagined how difficult for them to control the wheel when needed to sprint or just easy run or even to stop for shooting the ball to the hanging basket. Also, the way they control hands to whirling the chair and dribbling the ball while in the same time avoiding opponents who tried to take over the ball was just amazed me. How on earth did they do that? Believe me or not, without realizing my tears just dropped. Probably, crashed each others’ wheelchair or fell down with the wheelchair on was just a routine view on the court. However, in my eyes, it was an unfamiliar thing that was exceptional, a great show of warriors.

The other competition I attended was sitting volleyball at Tennis Indoor GBK. I managed to watch winning match of Kazakhstan against Iraq. What drew my attention during the match was spectators who sat next to athletes’ bench. They were number of disabilities students along with their guardian. When the match was over, all the athletes approached them with very special greet that I, who watched across them, was so moved. These athletes were not only supported, but they supported their spectators. Inspiring spirit. I didn’t take video what I saw, yet I could share a similar video posted by International Paralympic Committee on their twitter account just for readers’ reference.

https://twitter.com/Paralympics/status/1050318241061453824?s=20

Basically, sport I wanted to watch the most was para athletics. However, as the para athletics events had not started yet on that day, all I could manage was coming to the training venue which was in Madya Stadium GBK. Well, I was just regular civil resident who had no access to training venue, but I managed to watch the athletes’ practice from the border outside the stadium. I even shouted their name when they passed by my watching point.

Frankly speaking, I had other mission of watching para athletics training session 😊 . I also looked up for contingents from DPR Korea (a.k.a. North Korea). Oh, I missed North Korean. It’s out of topic but should anyone interested, someday I will be keenly to write background of my yearnings to North Korean.

And yes, I made it. By standing by at the transportation spot of Madya Stadium, I met them, took picture with them, shouted our supports for them, and told them why we so cared to North Korean.

Well, eventually I managed to watch para athletics on the final day. I remembered it was on Friday, 12 October 2018. Where I suddenly ask half-day-leave from the office to my boss as all works already finished in the morning. Lucky me, she granted the leave! I immediately left the office to GBK Main Stadium. Kebagusan to Senayan in express to book a ticket as all online tickets were sold out. The para athletics competition started in the afternoon to early night. An unimportant story, I was queueing at the GBK’s ticket box together with Kak Seto (Indonesian famous child psychologist, chief of the National Commission for Child Protection’s advisory board). He brought numbers of students to watch para athletics as well.

Ticket on hand then ready to the stadium. Arrive in the venue, oh Dears, you won’t believe me how wonderful the atmosphere in the stadium was, so high-spirited. Don’t ask me how many spectators who came in to the stadium, it was so full and loud. It was final day. I watched number of track and field events then stood up every time victory ceremony held. From the field event, I watched shot put women in wheelchair category, visually impaired long jumper, and javelin throw. From track event, I watched wheelchair racers, sprinters with prosthetic legs, and long-distance runners with visual impairment.

I witnessed a special moment in long-distance running, men’s 5000M T11 (category of the most severe visual impairment, totally and/or almost blind). If I remember correctly, there were five to seven runners on the track along with their guide (FYI, runners with visual impairment would wear eye-mask and run accompanied by a guide). Everything seemed to be alright after the gun was fired from the start-line. First to second lap all runners were still so intense that each runner run closely overtaking the first position. I think, it happened when entering the third lap, a runner from DPR Korea drained energy and started to be left in quite long distance behind from other runners. Afterwards, the intense run went so low for him that he was laps behind other runners. When almost all runners achieving finished line, he still struggled for another laps. Could you imagine how it feels? Arrive together in the finish-line with the opponents yet you have not really finished the run? Obviously, he lost the competition. But did you know what happen? He did not stop running until 5000M was completed. Although other runners had winning celebration already at the side of the track, he kept running other laps only with his guide on the track. No more competition for him yet finishing what he started. I couldn’t help but yelling his name out loud. I went down in the spectators’ bench to get as close as possible to the track and yell his name also saying to kept going. He got everyone’s eyes in the stadium who also cheered him up. One lap down another lap to go for finish-line. He made it into the final lap and all I could see was his big smile in the finish line (Oh yes, I was sitting in the area close to finish line). Big applause from the stadium when he finally made it to finish-line.

A very inspiring spirit! Now I understand why the game’s slogan was the inspiring spirit and energy of Asia.

So, after so many paragraphs written down above, with buffers here and there, with repetition of words and phrases, the point of my story here was basically very simple. I want to tell background of how I dream to watch Paralympic and journey to finally make it come true. It started by attending a leadership camp and watching an influencing video of Paralympic games, then somehow it drove me to dream. After twelve years, with the great help of the Merciful of Alloh ta’ala, Alhamdulillah, I made this dream came true, of watching live para athletes competing. And watching them competing live brought me even more lesson learn to keep going in life. This Paralympic dream is a proof and reminder to myself that every dream is worth a fight, that dream comes true along with choice of chances to be taken, that dream comes true in the right time, that dream is a magic we freely create to live our life. So, Sevi keeps dreaming, fight for it and don’t forget to always be thankful 😊

Thank you for reading my Paralympic dream. I wish everyone who dreams fight to make it come true.

Credit photographs to Getty Images, IPC (International Paralympic Committee), The Jakarta Post, and Tempo.

[a-crack-in-the-universe]

Midnight for Charlie Bone Summaries/Analyses: Chapters 7-9

Spoilers under the cut.

Chapter 7: Hypnotised!

On Friday night Grandma Bone marks Charlie’s completed questions. They are all correct, but Grandma Bone accuses Charlie of cheating. She gives Charlie ten more questions to do, just because, but Charlie gets out of doing them the moment Grandma Bone falls asleep.

Charlie heads over to Benjamin’s where, to his surprise, he finds Mr Onimous and the Flames. The Flames try to open the case using a strange fiery magic, but are unsuccessful. They and Mr Onimous leave soon after, but not before Mr Onimous reveals how they moved the case into the cellar and wishes Charlie luck on his quest. Once he’s gone, Charlie has the idea of asking Fidelio for help with the case.  

Early the next morning, Charlie and Ben go to Miss Ingledew’s to find the right key for the case, but are stopped by Manfred and Asa. When Charlie fights back Manfred hypnotises him. Charlie finds himself in a moving car:

“The world outside Manfred's coal-black eyes began to disappear, and Charlie found himself inside another world: inside a car to be precise. The car was traveling at great speed through a forest, and Charlie appeared to be driving. The coal-black eyes were beside him now, and the sinister voice repeated, "Look at me!"

There was a sudden, violent jolt and Charlie was being dragged from the car. He knelt on the rim of a great pit while the car -a blue one- tumbled over the edge. The silence of the forest was broken by the scream of birds and then, far, far below, came a low, echoing splash.”

This clearly shows how Lyell’s ‘accident’ happened. Interestingly enough, Charlie is seeing it from Lyell’s point-of-view. It always confused me as to how the Yewbeams and Bloors managed to drag Lyell out of the car, considering it was moving at a very high speed, until I remembered how Zelda was able to telekinetically move Fidelio during the ruin game. So, I think it’s possible that the Bloors/Yewbeams enlisted the help of a telekinetic or two to get Lyell out of the car before it crashed.    

A while later, Charlie comes to. Benjamin tells him what happened and why they were going to Ingledew’s (since Charlie can’t remember). They return to Filbert Street. As they do Charlie begins talking about what he saw while hypnotised, and realises that what he saw was how his father died. Charlie decides to go back home because he feels ill, which worries Ben because he’s never known Charlie to be ill. (Hey, just like Maisie in chapter 1! I guess that’s where he gets it from.)

That night, Charlie tells Paton about what happened on the way to Ingledew’s, and also the truth about the case. Paton is concerned, especially for Miss Ingledew’s safety. He decides to return the keys for Charlie while Charlie’s at Bloor’s. He also insists on being there when Charlie opens the case, as an extra precaution because they don’t know what’ll come out of it.

Then Grandma Bone appears to tell Charlie to go to bed already. As Charlie goes he hears Grandma Bone shouting at Paton, asking him which side he’s on and complaining that she can’t trust him anymore.

 Chapter 8: Breaking the Rules

Fidelio and Benjamin arrive at Charlie’s house the next morning at the same time. Fidelio’s fine with Ben joining their musical session, and eager when Charlie and Ben ask for his help in hiding the case from the Yewbeams. He readily agrees and comes up with a good idea on how to move it without any spies noticing.

The night before Charlie goes to Bloor’s, Amy gives him Lyell’s old school tie to take with him. I love how Lyell’s tie becomes important in the very next chapter—I mean, ‘you never know when you might need it’ practically screams ‘chekhov’s gun’, but I just really, really love how it ended up being used to discover that Lyell’s not really dead.    

On Monday it is Charlie’s first day at Bloor’s. Charlie and Amy go to Bloor’s Academy by taxi. As Amy and Charlie walk toward the school, Amy feels someone watching her from the Music Tower. (I know that it’s never mentioned which tower it is, but all the evidence points to that tower being the Music Tower.) Of course, we all know who’s watching her—Mr Pilgrim (aka Lyell). He’s trying to recognise her. This moment gets me every time, because it’s just so sad to think of Lyell trying but unable to recognise his own wife, and Amy getting spooked and leaving quickly without realising that Lyell was right there. Though I do wonder if she did see Lyell’s face but dismissed it as her mind playing tricks on her.

So, Amy leaves quickly, and Charlie is left by himself. Not for long though, since the other students start arriving on the Academy buses. Charlie is reunited with Fidelio, and they enter the building.

In the hall, we get to see Olivia Vertigo for the first time (:D), where she ‘breaks the rules’ and gets detention. Charlie and Fidelio kindly help her pick up her stuff before she gets whisked away by Asa.

And then there’s assembly. Fidelio points out all the teachers and shows Charlie where to sit, before going to sit with the orchestra. Charlie notices Mr Pilgrim for the first time.

(At this point, I can’t help thinking, ‘it’s your father, Charlie!’ It’s so obvious that it’s kind of funny, but at the same time it’s really tragic. Seeing Charlie and Lyell in the same room together but not recognising each other is kinda heartbreaking.)

After assembly, Charlie has his first lesson—music, with Mr Reginald Paltry. Mr Paltry turns out to be shockingly abusive toward his students, and is particularly mean to Charlie because Charlie’s endowed and Mr Paltry hates the endowed. Soon enough that’s over and done with, and it’s time to go outside and run laps.

Unfortunately, when Charlie returns to the blue cloakroom after that, he finds that someone’s stolen his brand-new cape and all that’s left to wear is a tattered one. Charlie refuses to wear it. Fidelio begs him to put it on, but Charlie doesn’t listen. (He really, really should have.) Anyway, the two boys go to English class, where Charlie is inevitably kicked out for not wearing ‘the essential garment’. Even worse, he’s noticed standing in the hallway by Asa Pike, who marches him straight to Manfred’s office. Olivia’s there too. :D The head boy gives Charlie detention, which means he has to stay in school for part of the weekend. Charlie of course protests about that, and mentions his mother. Manfred and Asa’s reply:

"Mom?" said Manfred scornfully.

"Mom?" repeated Asa. "We don't talk about moms in here."

"Moms don't exist in here!" Manfred added darkly.

  Chapter 9: The Red King’s Room

Charlie and Olivia leave Manfred’s office and seek refuge in the purple cloakroom. Charlie is despondent over his detention, but Olivia tells him that it’s not so bad. (And she’s right. The detention literally consists of them doing worksheets for a couple of hours, and then they can do whatever they want. Like explore. And in a place like Bloor’s Academy, exploring sounds pretty cool.)

Charlie tells Olivia about the cape-switch, and she suspects Gabriel Silk as the culprit and advises Charlie to wear Gabriel’s cape until he can get his own cape back. Charlie agrees, relieved. So when he returns to the blue cloakroom he puts on the tattered cape, and this is how Fidelio finds him sometime later. Fidelio is shocked that Manfred gave Charlie detention during his very first week, saying that ‘Manfred must really have it out for [him]’. Charlie tells Fidelio about Gabriel and the cape, and it’s agreed that Charlie will try and switch back the capes when Gabriel is asleep.  

At lunch the boys get a good look at Gabriel Silk. Charlie is introduced to Miss Chrystal, Fidelio’s violin teacher and a very friendly person. Also doesn’t seem to be a very serious person overall. She certainly has some wonderfully-scented perfume. :) Too bad she’s really an evil witch (or will be soon).

During dinner Dr Bloor singles out Charlie in front of the entire school (I’d be so embarrassed if that was me) and tells him that endowed children study in the king’s room after dinner. While that’s happening, Charlie takes a good look at the headmaster and realises that he was the one who took Dr Tolly’s baby.

After dinner, Billy Raven guides Charlie to the king’s room, where he meets the other endowed children for the first time. There’s Lysander the African (good), Tancred (good), cheerful Dorcas (neutral), Zelda (bad), Bindi (neutral/semi-good), Beth (bad), and Emilia Moon (neutral). Emilia looks surprisingly quiet and dreamy, not even lifting her head to say hello. Charlie also sees the Red King’s portrait for the first time, and seems to feel a certain connection to it.

After homework time is over, it’s time to go to the boys’ dormitories. Charlie is sleeping in a bed next to Fidelio’s, and the bed on his other side happens to be Gabriel Silk’s. After light’s out, Charlie uses Fidelio’s flashlight to check if the cape Gabriel was wearing is his. Once that’s confirmed, Charlie takes it and attempts to swap it with the tattered one.

That’s when Gabriel suddenly wakes up. Sounding panicked, he begs Charlie not to switch the capes back. It turns out that he has an endowment that allows him to feel emotions in clothes. The tattered cape was given to him by the Academy after his brand-new cape was accidentally destroyed, but Gabriel can’t bear to wear it because he can feel that something horrible happened to the last person to wear it.

Sympathizing with Gabriel’s plight, Charlie eventually agrees to keep wearing the tattered cape. In exchange, however, he asks Gabriel to wear Lyell��s tie and tell him ‘anything about the person who wore it’. Gabriel does so, and says that the person who wore the tie was happy once, but now they’re lost, and that they don’t seem to know who they are. Charlie seems to completely ignore what Gabriel says after the ‘lost’ part and automatically assumes that it means that Lyell’s dead (even though Gabriel refers to Lyell in present-tense and not past-tense). 

After that, Billy comes up to Gabriel with a blue scarf (which I am 100% sure was his father’s) and asks him to wear it. Gabriel does so: "Well, this person was always in a hurry. Here, there, everywhere. He just couldn't stop, and now, I'm afraid, he's dead." Billy asks if Gabriel could hear what the man was saying, but sadly it doesn’t work like that. And the messages become weaker if the person who wore the clothing is dead.                    

Finally Charlie realises what he should have realised straight away, and asks Gabriel why he said that Lyell was lost, because Lyell died when Charlie was two years old. Gabriel assures him that Lyell is lost and definitely not dead, before bidding Charlie goodnight and going to sleep himself.    

[gaiatheorist]

“This Anxiety Thing.”

I’m now 2/3 of the way through the NHS ‘Introduction to Anxiety’ course, that it’s taken over two years to be allocated onto. I hate it. ‘Hate’ is a strong word, what I mean to say is that there are many elements to the thing I actively dislike. It’s a stepped process, and if I don’t complete next week’s session, I’ll be bounced out of the system, and have to wait to go on the waiting list again.

The lovely ladies that run the course invited 20 people to each of the two 90-minute sessions they run on a Friday. They only laid out 10 chairs in the room, and they knew that they wouldn’t fill them all, at the end of my first session, a couple of people said they might not come back, and I volunteered to swap into the earlier session, to make the numbers easier. That would have made four participants. One of the facilitators was watching the waiting-room before she did the photocopying, and she guessed-right the number of us that would actually show. Three. (Side-slant, about the NHS not being able to afford photocopying wastage, they probably run this course multiple times, but can’t ‘save’ any spare copies for the next run, in case the budget needs to be trimmed again, and it’s cut.) That’s the level of damage, or disengagement, or just not-being-able-to they’re working with, by the time ‘we’ get our appointments for the ‘Introduction to’, ‘we’ are already at a stage where some of us can’t sit in a room for 90 minutes with other people. Have that, ‘Minister for Loneliness’ and ‘Community Prescribing’, it takes so long to get into the system that some of us are already beyond sitting in a room watching YouTube clips.

I’m finding it very challenging. Not the content, I could have written most of it, but the process. There’s a snarky mind-loop of the very lucid priest sitting in the Hairy-Hands-Hospice in the Father Ted episode, the one who says “I really shouldn’t be here, you know.”, while the other priests are yelling “Feck!” and “Girls!” and “Drink.” There’s also a niggle in me that I mustn’t go all ‘Randal P McMurphy’, and be an obstacle to the progress of the other two participants. That’s not to say that I’m ‘faking it’, just that my anxiety-behaviours, like most things about me, are atypical. The control-behaviour in me, when I know a situation is not under my control is a massive strand of my anxiety-thing. Hyper-vigilant, I watch and listen, and then I usually either show off, or clown about. (There was a bit of ‘tears of a clown’ after last week’s session, I just crashed and slept after this one, I’ve been ill most of this week, I was exhausted.) The other two participants are VERY quiet, I don’t think the girl spoke at all, other than to confirm her name, and the man only spoke when addressed directly. I tried to keep a lid on it, and not answer every question. I deliberately dedicated a bit of my conscious awareness to making sure I wasn’t the only one talking, that’ll be why I greyed-out part way through. My ‘executive functioning’ can be patchy when I’m distracted, profoundly ironic, because when a thing has my full attention, I’m still highly functional. I should have been focusing on JUST the course content, but I had a backing-track of “Don’t act the goat.”, with a chorus of “Let the other participants speak.” and a pervasive-thought bridge of “This is not the right place for me.” Oh, and the projector was knackering my eyes, everything smelled fusty because of the rain, and I was simultaneously regretting eating a McDonald’s on the way, and wondering what nonsense I’d be able to buy the kid from town and still catch the bus home before dark. 

This course is a sifting process. We’ve passed the stage of random individuals telling us to pull our socks up and just get on with it, we’ve negotiated past the doctor’s-receptionist-dragons, to be patted on the head and told to get on with it. I was eventually lucky with the third GP I saw at my practice, the first one said “No, lass, you don’t need ‘that’, you need ‘this’.”, and two years later, it transpired that I did indeed need the ‘that’. The second one was worse “No, I can’t write you a sick-note for stress for ‘that’, that would stress anyone.” Erm, Hello, I’m someone, and it’s stressing me to a point where I can’t function. I followed protocol, that’s what I do. I filled in all of the right forms, and ticked all of the right boxes during my ‘descent into Hell for a bottle of milk’, it took all of my cognitive capacity just to stay afloat, I’m still scrubbing the metaphorical flood-stains off the walls.

Natural attrition, and human collateral, some people will sink, I’m a kicker.

I bed-blocked 16 sessions of IAPT counselling. A chirpy-chap telling me week after week that he admired my resilience, that some people wouldn’t be so tenacious, determined, focused, driven, brilliant, intriguing, able-to-survive. I don’t respond to praise and platitudes, I hit a plateau, and neither of us could shift me beyond that. He eventually ‘let me go’ when it looked like I had a referral for more appropriate intervention on the horizon. That mirrored the experience of trying to access meaningful therapy 2 years ago, Workplace Well-being didn’t want to take me on, because they’d made a referral to Neurology (which was never acted upon), my former employers weren’t going to pay for therapy for me, and their suggested alternative was wildly inappropriate. NHS-general mental health didn’t want to take me on because my employers were advised to buy-in therapy... that was ‘juggling a hot potato’ episode 1. Episode 2 was the Community Mental Health team saying they couldn’t take me on until the Neuro-Psych assessment had concluded it wasn’t entirely a physical-brain issue, and then Neuro-Psych giving me four agonising pages of reports on which bits of my brain didn’t work properly, and deciding that it WAS a mental health issue. It’s to be hoped that the gruesome game of pass-the-parcel I am doesn’t have any chocolate in it, I’ve been bundled hither and yon so much it will be melted. 

Unless you’re in absolute crisis, you have to wait for NHS mental health intervention. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been pretty close to that at various points over the last few years. In my case, it’s a combination of missed opportunities, and my stubborn streak. I can ‘appear’ functional for short stretches of time, but it’s bastard hard work, I go into my ‘emotional overdraft’, and tend to have to write-off the next day. (Due to having mental health issues and brain damage at the same time, my physical brain is no longer ‘playing with a full deck’.)  It’s very difficult, but I CAN do it, apart from that worrying grey-out yesterday, one of the facilitators asked me what phrase I’d used in an earlier answer, and it was just gone, no recall at all. (It was ‘graded exposure’, I have a phenomenal recall when I get something wrong, in 1988, I scored 99/100 in my secondary school entry spelling test, I’d transposed letters, and spelled the word ‘health’ as ‘helath’, the teacher was Mr James, nobody in the entire class scored 100, I was siting next to Gill, and she’d had a cough, so Mr James had given her a drink of water in his nasty old coffee mug.) 

I know I have some anxiety-behaviours, I know I’ve effectively ‘closed down’ very large parts of my world with my various resistances and aversions. Next week’s session is going to be the hardest one, covering the cognitive aspects of anxiety. It’s going to highlight how incongruent I am, how atypical, because, although I have some traits consistent with anxiety, the ‘anxieties’ are symptomatic of a deeper cause, we don’t need to ‘fix’ (most of) my anxiety. I ‘can’ do big, horrible, scary things, I can do things that other people can’t. This tiny, insular, closed-down world I live in is not because I can’t do things, it’s because I won’t. I have the ‘skill’, I just don’t apply the ‘will’. A cumulative toll of very challenging circumstances have led to me almost totally collapsing in on myself, and I’m beating myself up for ‘taking up a space’ on the anxiety course. I’m stupid-fearless, your original Pound-shop Wonder-Woman, there are very few things I CAN’T do, but about five billion things that I find difficult, so either avoid them, or find some mad work-around that works-for-me.

Linear-logical, I need to complete the anxiety course, because that’s the only way I’ll progress to the 1:1 ‘evaluation’, where I’ll apologise for ‘taking up a space that would have better served someone else’, and reveal the truth of me. (Mad analogy, there, about which of the kids in the Chocolate Factory I’d be, what’s my flaw? I have Charlie’s good-natured poverty, but I also have traits of the others, I don’t watch as much TV as Mike, my obsessions aren’t quite as entrenched as Violet’s, but I am absolutely adamant about what I want, like Verruca. I don’t want the world, I want to be as functional as I can be within it.) The anxiety course was a best-fit alternative from the options offered to me ‘off the peg’. I have a massive, pervasive anxiety about   harming other people. It’s not new, and I don’t think any amount of graduated exposure is ever going to undo it. It’s very easy to unpick, I’ve had a chain of people in my life do me significant harm, and I don’t want to be them. A snowball rolling downhill, I’ve picked up scars, and slights, and scandals, and slurs, and carried them with me, determined not to pass them on. I try very hard not to deliberately hurt others, to help and heal where I can.

That’s why I’m so strung-out wrung-out, I know I shouldn’t be on that course, but I also know it’s my only way in to productive intervention. I’m using up too much brain-space ‘guarding’ other people from me, because I’m an absolute nightmare. All the while, in the background, I have the conditionality of the Universal Credit and PIP systems drawing on the resources I should be using to ‘get better’.  The ‘safety net’ has me well and truly tangled.   

[seymore91tuxhad8040-blog]

A Few Questions On Straightforward Liquid Grip Programs

Obtaining Guidance In Central Elements In Climbing Chalk Canada

Appearing outwardly healthy and well toned might be symptoms of fitness, but not proof, as much more is required. Fitness can improve the quality of your life and help you live longer. It is important to get into the right mindset to make the necessary changes to promote healthier living. The myriad of facts and tips offered here will lead you on a journey toward fitness. By adding variety to one's routine, the body will receive maximum benefits. If you usually exercise indoors, try playing basketball or walking outside. They will achieve different results from running up some hill versus running on the sidewalk. Varying the exercises you do prevents the body from acclimatizing itself to one specific exercises, which can reduce its effectiveness. Do not fear. Why not give biking a try? Biking is a great and fun way to get to work and it is great for you as well. A car ride of 5 miles should take fewer than 30 minutes to bike, and riding to and from work gives you two workout sessions. Do you want to get better results for the effort you spend working out? You can build strength by twenty percent if you stretch. After each component of your fitness program, devote 20 to 30 seconds to stretching the targeted muscle group. Stretching is a great way to improve your overall fitness. If your exercise routine requires you to keep count of your reps, try starting from the number you desire to hit and count backwards. This provides you a clearer picture on the number of repetitions that are remaining, which is much more motivating than simply counting the number of reps you have done. Test any workout bench before using it. You should press your thumb into the bench seat to test the padding that the bench is made of. If you can easily feel the wood or metal beneath the padding, choose a different bench. Make sure to stretch between sets in your workout sessions. You'll want to stretch for about half a minute. According to research, those men who stretch between sets increase their strength by about 20%. Additionally, stretching helps to prevent lesions and injuries. You should schedule your day and plan on eating and exercising at specific times. If you don't plan, you are more likely to make poor choices. If you figure out your schedule beforehand, you can pack yourself healthy meals and plan workout times. Doing dips is an excellent fitness tip you should follow. Dips are an effective exercise which is directed at the chest, shoulders, and triceps. There are several ways to perform them, too. You can do dips in between two benches, for example. Additionally, you can enhance the effectiveness of dips by adding weight to them. Although crunches are beneficial, incorporating legitimate sit-ups into your regimen can be a real asset. Recently, crunches have been replace with sit-ups in most exercise routines. You should never attempt to do sit ups that require you to anchor your feet. This type of sit up is not good for the muscles in your back. After targeting a particular muscle group one day, spend the next day only lightly working those muscles. One way to carry this out is by working out the sore muscles with much less Canada|Climbing Chalk effort than usual. Exercising with a dog can be a great way to get fit. Your dog will get into the habit of walking quickly and will be a constant reminder and motivator for you to take the next walk. Do not go overboard at first. A block or two is good at first and you can add onto that as time passes. This is one of the many perks of being a dog owner. Improve your put by aiming 17 inches beyond the hole you are targeting. The reason is because there are no footprints around the 17 inch area surrounding the cup. This results in thicker grass, which means that the additional resistance will slow down your putts. Not giving fitness a try means you are missing on the possibility to improve your lifestyle. Following the advice in this article is one of the many ways that you can start or continue to make advancement in your fitness levels.

A Few Ideas For Deciding On Major Aspects Of Canada

He practised as a criminal defence lawyer for six years, balancing his career with pro bono work for anti-poverty activists and groups dedicated to immigration and refugee rights. In 2011, he was elected to the Ontario legislature. While there, he fought to improve the working conditions of temporary workers and ban racially motivated police checks, rising through the ranks to become the deputy leader of the Ontario NDP. “So, I don’t know, does that sound like a lack of substance?” Singh asked. While less than 2% of Canadians identify as Sikh, Canada’s parliament is home to 20 Sikhs, including four who are part of Trudeau’s Liberal cabinet – making Punjabi the third-most-spoken language in the House of Commons. Even so, Singh’s quest to become the first non-white leader of a national party has laid bare the many challenges that remain. Some NDP party members in Quebec – where the party holds most of its seats – argued that the province’s deep belief in secularism would clash with a leader who wears a turban and kirpan. On his first day as NDP leader, a CBC interview questioned him on the legacy of the 1985 Air India bombing , believed by police to be carried out by Sikh militants living in Canada. Singh pointed out that he was about five years old when the bombing took place, but the CBC later said the question was fair, alluding to Singh’s involvement with the Sikh Activist Network (a youth group co-founded by his brother) and his push to have the 1984 riots in New Delhi against Sikhs recognised in Ontario as an act of genocide. Media commentators have asked if Canada is ready for a non-white NDP leader, pointing to a recent poll in which 31% of the 1,477 respondents said they would not vote for a politician who wore a turban and carried a kirpan. Singh contrasted these points with an incident from the leadership campaign, when an angry heckler crashed a meet and greet session and repeatedly accused Singh of wanting to impose Sharia law in Canada.

For the original version including any supplementary images or video, visit https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/dec/20/jagmeet-singh-canadas-pioneering-party-leader-on-building-unity-amid-division

If You Want Quick Tips Regarding Basketball, This Article Is It

Whether you want to shoot hoops like a pro or cheer from the bleachers, you need basketball information in order to enjoy the game. What's the score? Don't give up! As exciting as basketball is, it's also an easy sport to learn. Read on for tips which will be a real slam dunk! A lot of novice players mostly focus on their offensive skills, but developing good defensive skills will help you become a better player. Defense is what keep the other team from scoring. Without good defense, a basketball team will lose the match. You must become knowledgeable about hitting a free-throw shot. This seems like an easy shot, but it is quite hard. Make sure that you're applying the following technique when practicing. Hold the ball level to your face. Focus on the basket and picture the ball slipping into the net. Then, shoot the ball using the trajectory you pictured. Successful free throwing requires as much mental skill as it does physical skill. You can train your body to complete the motions of making a free throw, but if you are mentally prepared to fail, you will. Take a deep breathe, relax and block out all outside distractions before taking the shot. A great way to hone your own basketball abilities is to watch the pros. Watch as many games on TV as you can. Watch great players to learn the specific skills that make them exceptional. One thing to consider if your shooting percentage drops is that your shoulders may be inconsistent when you are shooting. Shoulders are the key to a consistently successful shot. To help improve your shot, focus on squaring up on each of your shots. Your dominant shoulder should also be lined up perfectly with the rim. If your opponent is pressing hard, you can give yourself some room to work by dribbling the ball between your legs. Try practicing this by bouncing your ball hard in between your legs while stepping forward or backward. Mastering this move can give you an advantage on the court. Practice passing while not looking in the direction of the pass. This can go a long way toward confusing the opposition. If you're doing it correctly you can fake your opponent out so he/she moves towards that direction and then you pass the ball to a wide open teammate for a shot. It really can be a powerful technique. Keep low as you defend. Doing so improves your reaction time with regards to your opponents' actions. Always stay in the proper stance on defense. If you break the stance to shot-block, then recover the proper form immediately after the pass or shot. It's not that hard. After taking in the above article you should be aware of the incredible amount of joy it brings to people. You can use the information you got in this article to gain game perfection, or you can just perfect your television tuning skills so you can observe the pros in action.

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