#as its something that's never happened to me on my time on tumblr. I've gotten more asks within this past month...

[monodramatic-cannibal]

Yet again closed my ask box. Will do the asks that are currently within it, but I'd like to work on my own personal art after I've done the asks/requests. As I don't have time to do my own art due to requests/asks.

I'll open them back up at some point, but if I do open them, chances are requests will be closed, asks for my characters/I would be open though.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Indefinite hiatus

I was toying with writing up a long post about what running this blog has meant to me over the years and why I'm stepping away for the foreseeable future, but that feels too dramatic for what's really just me saying "I'm not going to be on tumblr for at least the rest of the year". So, I'll just say I'm not going to be on tumblr for at least the rest of the year.

Okay, actually I have a bunch more to say, but it'll be under the cut.

Politics sucks. And paying attention to it, even in the reduced way I've been paying attention to it over the last few years, is hard. You end up spending so much of your supposedly free time thinking about things you can't change, getting mad about things you can't change, and getting depressed when the people who can change things just keep going in the wrong direction. Even when good things happen, it's just a matter of a few days before something bad happens once again. And vice versa. It's an endless cycle of hope, despair, resignation. Rinse and repeat, and triple speed that cycle during an election year. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of spending every other year worried about what's going to happen on one day in November. I'm tired of hearing a piece of news and automatically composing a post about it or running through 20 different responses I might give to asks I might get about it in my head.

Everyone I know who doesn't pay attention to politics (or at least doesn't run a social media page dedicated to it) seems to enjoy their live a lot more than I currently do. Which sounds way more dramatic than what's actually going on, which is mainly that I want to get to a place where I just don't care. I want the world and its problems to flow off my back instead of weighing it down. I want to stop thinking about what people on the internet might say about something I haven't even posted yet. And that can't happen while I'm tied to this blog. So I'll be staying away from it for at least the rest of the year.

I did have a good time with this blog. I've met a bunch of really awesome people, some who are sadly no longer with us (RIP Blue), and some who I think will carry on the "fight" way better than I ever did. This isn't an admission of defeat, or pessimism about the election. Even if Trump wins, and I truly think he will if we have a fair election, I still won't be back this year. But I'll still vote and I'll still be proud that my silly little tumblr blog had an impact on some people's lives. I may not have the reach of a Tucker Carlson or a Glenn Beck, but I've gotten a lot of messages from people who said they changed their minds about an issue, or even politics in general, because of things I said, and that counts for something. If you guys take anything away from me, I want it to be this: Even the smallest impact matters. It doesn't matter if you only ever reach one person and then stop, reaching that one person is enough. Changing one vote is enough. Changing one mind is enough.

To all my mutuals, you guys are the best. I truly hope you have wonderful lives and I'm sad I won't get to see your names on my dash everyday anymore. To anyone I've ever followed or reblogged from, I couldn't have had a blog without you, so thank you. Yes, even the leftiod psychos, XD. To everyone else, find your own balance and never give into despair and never listen to people who tell you not to try. Even a failed effort is still more meaningful than sitting back and mocking people for trying to improve even the smallest thing about themselves or the world around them.

I won't be logging back in after I post this, so any messages or asks you send, I won't see. I'll still be active (or as active as I ever am) in my discord, so feel free to join there if you want to. It should still be my pinned post, but if it isn't, I'll edit this with a new invite link.

And that's all I've got to say for now.

[vorthosjay]

Hi Jay. Not wanting to sound mean, but I really think it must be commented and that there's no softer way of doing that: the company's statement of Thunder Junction being an inhabitated plane prior to MoM is not a honest way of capitalizing on a sellable trope without touching its uncomfortable issues. It's even disrespectful. They have done it in a less flagrant way with Kaladesh and both Ixalan iterations, but now they've gotten too far with Thunder Junction. Colonialism is too big an issue to simply being put under the carpet as it never existed and we could just enjoy the sunny part of the history. I really hope Hasbro as a company acknowledges this and changes its way of dealing with the theme. Thanks for letting me pointing this.

Look, you caught me on a bad day, so I'm going to be as polite as possible but let's start with the foundation that this is not a complaint to direct at me. I have no control over any of this. Mark Rosewater exists and takes feedback on Tumblr.

But, let's talk about it, because I've seen some folks take this to extremes.

First off, I've seen a lot of well meaning folks speaking up on behalf of hypothetical indigenous americans, but I'd love to get takes from folks this actually impacts. I'd love for Wizards to post something about their work with cultural consultants, for sure. But the only actual thing I've seen so far is a great story from Magic's first indigenous american author. And when you're speaking on someone else's behalf, you tend to miss things. Like, Kaladesh is not the great representation of south asian culture that you might think when you jumped to it, and it's okay if you didn't know that, but it sort of proves the point that it's very difficult to actually protest on someone else's behalf. And I just haven't heard from anyone who has also mentioned they speak from authority or are impacted by this. That doesn't mean you're wrong, necessarily.

But here's the thing. Thunder Junction isn't history. It takes cues from the American West, sure, but it's a fake world. And sometimes it's okay for a fake world to ignore the bad things that happens in real life and create something more aspirational. Magic does this all the time. Magic doesn't have homophobia, but that isn't really realistic or representative of the real world, is it?

No one, and I mean literally no one, came to me and said that people of color needed to be ostracized and not allowed to work alongside the white people in the demon mob families of New Capenna. That racism was real, it was systemic, and it was violent. But did it need to be tackled in a fantasy crime drama based on america in the 20s? Should it have been? I don't think anyone would have enjoyed it as much. Sometimes it's just fun to play gangster.

Similarly, the colonization and manifest destiny that was the reality of the American West was tragic, but does that need to be our only depiction of indigenous peoples - being colonized? If they were erased completely from the narrative, that would be awful, but can't they just have fun being cool thunder slingers? The Atiin were developed with a consultant, and if you want answers ask Wizards to talk about it.

There's a reason the Oltec were depicted as being sealed off from the Immortal Sun drama that had happened on the surface. To have an aspirational mesoamerican culture that wasn't affected by the Dusk Legion and Azor and all that.

To put it in another perspective, does every period piece featuring black americans need to feature systemic racism to be respectful? Is Bridgerton disrespectful (I mean probably but not for that reason)?

The reason I've framed a lot of this as questions is because I don't necessarily think I know the right answer, especially not for a fantasy card game. I've worked with tribal governments in my emergency management career and spent a week on the Navajo Nation, and talked a lot about perspective on things, and I would not presume to know what the right answer to all of this is.

Edit: to be clear, Could it have been handled better? Probably. I will never deny that. But also it’s a complicated and fraught topic and I’d love to hear from the people wizards contracted who actually know what they’re talking about.

[ladymirdan]

Warning, fandom rant.

I was gonna piggyback ride off Tagedezorns post about falling out of love with the fandom.

Dont get me wrong, I still fucking LOVE 40k.

Im having a great time painting my minis, reading the lore, reading and talking with the BL authors on twitter or talking the ears off the staff in my local GW (don't worry, they love it, and they have some fantastic HC’s too!)

But the rest of it is sadly losing its appeal for me as well, and it saddens me to see other fan artists or writers feeling the same, I thought it was just me.

When I first started to become active in the shipping fandom about a couple of years ago it was fantastic. I felt so welcome and wanted, I had never gotten a reception like that in any fandom before. I even faced my fear and started writing fanfiction, and people seemed to love it.

But the last months/year it feels like it's all gone. As if Tumblr has died, it feels like I'm shouting into the void. (I have a few people who still interact on my posts and I see you and I love you). But I have eightdoubled my followers last year, but that hasn't resulted in any more interaction, other than a few more likes. But to be fair, likes does nothing.

Im not an influencer or a content creator, and I have zero aspirations to become one. That is why I stopped doing tiktoks. I do not want to chase trends or algorithms, I want to be unhinged about my blorbos and see people being unhinged about their blorbos in turn.

I love the intense passion fandom can have, even when it's not a character I'm personally into.

I really don't want Tumblr to die. I have tried Discord and it was the most alienating and disheartening experience I've had since like high school.

When I first tried it out it was soo much fun, but as time went on, more and more people who seemed to like me stopped posting on there, and more and more whenever I posted I just got straight up ignored.

I could post in a channel that had been dead for weeks, and suddenly people started posting about other things, everyone ignoring what I wrote. If it happened once or twice I wouldn't have bothered, but a dozen or more times? It just fucking sucks. I noticed how it started affecting my mental health, trying to reach out and talk to people, but just being talked around and over. So I just stopped posting.

If someone doesn't like me on Tumblr I won't notice or get sad, but seeing it happen in real-time just fucking sucks.

And also, on Tumblr there is always the off chance that your post gets necromanced. That just doesn't happen on Discord.

And another thing that has happened a lot is I write a fic or a Tumblr post. It gets zero interaction, and I'm like “oh I guess no one is interested about that,” and then I see that someone has just reposted my fic/post in a discord and people are geeking out over it over there.

I'm not a paid artist/writer. I do what I do because I want to geek out over something, preferably with someone else. But I effectively become removed from my art. People are discussing it, just not with me.

Dealing with being unliked as a person fucking sucks. Especially when it's supposed to be your hobby-fun-time. And it is making me not want to post stuff anymore.

[polyamorousmood]

Hi! I've viewed your blog for quite some time now and I've gotten the urge to send this ask a few times now but I've always gotten nervous about it. Like I accidentally forget to put on anonymous mode or something. But I've finally worked up the courage to ask for your advice on this.

So I um...I pretty recently discovered I'm polyamorous. It felt weird and first but now it just...feels right to me. It's great, and I'm glad I discovered more about myself. But I've also been having issues due to...crushes.

I may have...gotten a crush on a couple.

(This is an online thing, for the record)

I had just been trying to get over my previous crush due to some stuff happening (Nothing bad mind, we're still good friends) when I briefly talked to this person. I had seen them around quite a bit and they seemed nice so I'd always liked them in a way, just not like this. Then suddenly after that talk I...kept thinking about them. More and more I kept thinking about how cool they were and how funny they were and how cute they must- Ah crap.

Yeah, I realized pretty quickly I got a crush on them. So, knowing they're a fairly well known artist in the fandom I met them in, I rushed to Twitter to check out their account to see if they already have a partner. Low and behold, they do! So everything should be good and I can move on...right?

...

I developed a crush on their partner too after doing more digging.

So now I'm kind of just...scared because I've never had a crush on a couple before. I'm not really sure what to do. I've done the usual stuff I do with my initial crush. Just saying hello and having some chats with them to become their friend and it's been really fun! But I just...I don't know how I'd get to talking with their partner or hinting at my feelings. I don't wanna feel like a creep or weirdo or anything.

This is all very new to me and I'm a little scared. I'm trying to brave my way through this and I'm gonna try and confess at some point. But I just...don't really know how at the moment. Not like I intend to confess any time soon, we're still relatively new to each other.

Do you have any advice?

Heyyy, congrats and welcome to the team!!!! 😊😊

Its a lot of fun here, and I'm happy to have you aboard.

I've answered a similar ask before, but I can't find it now (thanks tumblr search disfunction!) so you probably don't have a prayer.

Basically, step one is to mention your own polyamory, and see how they react (once you get to a point that's a normal thing to do, since you said its still early). If they seem uncomfortable, take that as your no. If they seem polite, proceed with caution, and if they get suspiciously into it, well... I'd take that as a good sign

Fingers crossed for you!! 🤞🤞

[mumms-the-word]

Love Letters

Alistair and Lucy Amell

These letters were written as a collaboration between @callmethebrightness and myself for the lovely @elspethdekarios's birthday. callmethebrightness wrote the AMAZING letter from Alistair (and I'm obsessed with it, she nailed his voice so well) while I wrote Lucy Amell's reply letter <3 This was so much fun to work on and I am in awe of the talent my friends have in this little corner of tumblr. Thank you @elspethdekarios for trusting us with your OC! I hope you have the happiest of birthdays and that you adore these love letters!

Full text under the cut!

Alistair's Letter by @callmethebrightness

To Warden-Commander Lucy Amell, Hero of Ferelden: Lucy, I love you. I know, bad form to start a letter like that; without even a hello and how are you, but it's literally the only thing that comes to mind when I think of you, so I had to write it down first. I love you. There. Now to the rest. We're making strides looking into the Wardens and Corypheus, this "false Calling" he's managed, though it's not the sort of progress I'm particularly excited about. Every time I think I've figured out the worst of it, more bad news rears its ugly head. I'm a bit less skeptical now that we have some proper allies: not only the Champion of Kirkwall, but Inquisitor Sulah Lavellan, who has all her people putting their heads together to do something about all this. We should consider having an army at our disposal for all our problems, it's really marvelously convenient. Skyhold is an amazing place. Not just the fortress itself, where I've gotten into all sorts of places I shouldn't be ("Oh, I haven't seen this door before" -- surprise, it's a dungeon. No, thank you.) but the people and the activity here. It feels like everyone from the servants to the Inquisitor herself is committed to working together. I've met Fereldans, Orlesians, city elves, surface dwarves, ex-Templars, mages, farmers, nobles, Chantry sisters, Dalish spies, qunari, Tevinters...I could go on. If anything might be able to actually unite all of Thedas, the way the Chantry says it does, it's this thing. It's this place. Maker, I wish you could see it. Every time I see something incredible in my travels, I think that, you know. "Lucy would love this, I wish she could see it." And every time I see something horrible I think, "Maker, I wish Lucy was with me." You get the idea, don't you? You, with me, all the time, no matter what. Sometimes you're all I think about. But you knew that already. We're going to figure this thing out, Lucy. I'm going to make sure the Wardens have nothing more to fear from this Elder One, even if I have to fight him myself. And when you return, whether you've found what you're looking for or not, and I see you again -- I'm going to take you in my arms and never let you go. I mean it. That's not an exaggeration. I never want to be apart from you again, Lucy. Nothing is more important to me than that. What else? I love you. I miss you. Leliana is scarier than ever, but in a good way. I've eaten Orlesian cheese and do not care for it. I miss you. I told the Inquisition's ambassador I would include a small note in their missive to the Hero of Ferelden but my letter is now longer than the official one. I hope those creepy ravens of Leliana's can carry a little extra weight. When you see it, write her back and tell her it's creepy; she won't listen to me. There are less terrible birds, Leliana. Maker, I miss you so much I don't want to stop writing to you. Is that odd? Probably. But you wouldn't say odd. "Alistair, you're too sweet." That's what you always say when I'm being a fool, especially a lovestruck fool. Can't say I don't appreciate it, though. I'll write you again soon. There's talk of the fortress at Adamant, a potential siege. All sorts of military talk I do not care for. Whatever happens, you'll hear from me soon. I never can stand to wait long. Yours forever, Alistair

Lucy Amell's Letter (by me)

To Warden Alistair: [In a smaller script] Leliana, don’t be nosy! You’ve got your own letter! My darling, I love you. I don’t care if it’s bad form, just seeing those words at the start of your letter gave me so much joy and comfort that I couldn’t even read the rest of letter at first. I just wanted to linger there on those words and imagine them in your voice. I love you. I love you. I love you. And, Maker’s breath, I miss you, too. As my journey out west bring me farther and farther away from recognizable society, I find myself traveling alone more often than not. There are good people out here, and plenty of interesting distractions, and more than enough danger to keep my mind occupied, but again and again I wish you were at my side. I know taking down the Elder One is important, but these days I wish I had been more selfish and brought you along. But what’s done is done, and it’s good that you’re there, trying to shake some sense into our fellow Wardens. Someone has to.  What you’ve told me about the situation, and what little Inquisitor Lavellan has included in her letter, troubles me. It sounds like Corypheus is more dangerous than we thought…but if the Inquisition has the army and the resources that you say it does, then I trust them to succeed. And I trust you to survive whatever comes your way. We’ve gotten out of worse scrapes, the two of us, haven’t we? Regardless, I’ve asked Inquisitor Lavellan to look after you. I know, I know, you would say I’m fussing over you too much (but I know you love it). But if she’s your ally, then she’s my ally too, and I feel no shame in asking this much of her. I want you in one piece when we meet again, my love. Be good for me. Don’t wander into dungeons that you can’t wander out of. Avoid the Orlesian cheese if you hate it so much. Remind Leliana to eat every now and again. I know her work keeps her busy, and I can only imagine that the death of the Divine has shaken her more than she’s letting on. And take care of yourself, too.  Oh, and I’m not telling Leliana that her birds are creepy. Just be glad she’s not sending missives via nug, or we’d never get letters to one another. I’ll write soon, my darling. I love you. I miss you. Yours always, Lucy [below, in a messier scrawl, as if added to the end of the page in haste] Alistair, I’m glad I didn’t send this letter right away! I’ve got big news. I think I’ve found something, and if I’m right, it means the end of this journey is in sight. I don’t want to say what it is just yet, but…I have a really good feeling about this. This might be the cure we’ve been hoping for.  But if not, I don’t care. If it’s not this, then I’ve got nothing else to investigate out here. If this isn’t our cure, then the silver lining is this—I’m coming home, and nothing is going to stop me. Meet me in Redcliffe when all of this is said and done. Whether I’ve found the cure for our Callings or not, I will be there, in the place we first started to fall in love, at the start of the next summer. And once we are together again, my love, I swear that nothing will ever separate us again. With all my love, Lucy

[peijizerojournal]

2024/5/24 ❅ “honeymoon” and “the lin kuei archives” update

Let me preface this update by emphasizing that this is just an example and explanation of why I have chosen to not allow the internet to see my Mortal Kombat 1 works anymore. I have no intent to instigate any drama or anything of that nature. I'm just getting some things off my chest here, and then I will likely never write a post about this again.

Thanks to another “Lin Kuei Archives” reader, I’ve been informed of another 'questionable' post that mimicks my original work. I will not be linking it or mentioning the name of the tumblr account, but for those who regularly browse the ‘Bi-Han’ or the 'bi han x reader' tags, you will have likely seen it already as it was posted in the last couple of days.

In short, the post reads as an almost complete, ordered summarization of “The Lin Kuei Archives: Sub-Zero” (part 1 of TLKA series) which I completed in November 2023. From beginning to end. Even the epilogue. Even the little things. The only real differences being Reader herself and a few other things. But, essentially — in so many words — it is the bullet point version of my story down to even the most minute details. It is not the first time I come across something like this, and I'm usually one to brush it off, however this time it's gotten under my skin a bit more than expected.

For the readers that have been wondering about the issues I've been facing in the last several months, or if there even has been an issue in the first place: well, in short, it’s cases like this that have been particularly tiresome.

Oneshots, headcanons and stylized ficlets that have been structurally twisted with a few changes here and there are often hard to find and are sometimes buried in the tags. These are almost impossible to deal with since they are inherently different in terms of formatting, but if you are familiar with my story and read part one especially, you’ll be able to recognize it right away, as the reader who notified me of it was able to. From things such as Bi-Han’s reluctant hospitality towards our dear reader (who also happens to be staying with the Lin Kuei at the request of Liu Kang, hmm) to specifics like 'brunch in the gardens.'

(These are the only references to the post that I'll make. I really don't want to give the poster any more of my attention.)

Unfortunately, it is always Part 1 that is making its rounds, as during its tenure, it reached quite a broad audience of viewership. I also left it unlocked and open for all eyes to see for quite sometime; having only restricted it on AO3 sometime in March 2024 before hiding it just last month on the 16th (when I posted the original series update.)

I know that there is a reasonable amount of risk that must be considered with sharing your work on the web so openly like this, but let this be an example for anyone out there who wants to post their work to AO3 and Tumblr, especially: Not all who are subscribed to your fic have the best intentions. And -- on the other end of the spectrum -- your work may and likely will influence others’ creations, and you’ll have to come to terms with that or at least accept it/be okay with it. Once even a few eyeballs have glazed over it, that’s that, really. Your work will be out there for the taking, and, to some extent, you’ll lose creative control over it.

I have come across other authors and fics that have taken inspiration from my own and some have given credit while others have put enough of their own spin on it to the point where the similarities are irrelevant. I am not naive: I know perfectly well that it’s possible for two individuals to have shared ideas and similar plotlines, even eerily so. Coincidences happen. That's life.

But stuff like this, in my eyes, is too adjacent to go unnoticed. When it’s condensed like this with a smattering of very specific details interwoven within, it makes it hard for me to defend myself, as I would basically have to screenshot or repost or publicize my entire fic again. And — knowing that there are a few people out there who have routinely tried to circulate my work on other websites — I am simply too terrified to do that, as I know “Honeymoon” and the other parts might instantly be downloaded the moment I choose to make them public again.

(Further info on this: when you privatize your work in an AO3 collection, as I have, the moment I list it as ‘revealed,’ all who are subscribed to me or my fic will receive email notifications that there’s an update, even if there is no new chapter. I hope that makes sense. For anyone who wants/needs to privatize their work on AO3 for whatever reason, this blog post does a great job explaining the process.)

Maybe I’m too old-school or sensitive or paranoid for modern fandom culture… but to that one anon that told me “this happens, too bad:” well, it’s this sort of thing that makes me want to protect “Honeymoon” and prevent the entire series from seeing the light of day ever again. As of right now, it will likely stay hidden on AO3 indefinitely. I have never cross-posted and do not cross-post anywhere, so if anyone ever sees the entire fanfic anywhere at all, please reach out to me and let me know.

If you are a trusted reader/friend/mutual of mine, chances are you already have access to the story and that’s all that matters to me. 🩵 And if you were a regular reader-commenter, I appreciate you so much and thank you deeply for your engagement, insight and support over the last several months. 🤍 Thanks for reading and I hope all have been having a lovely spring season so far. xo

[smallgronk]

This Community: A Love Letter <3

When I originally joined Tumblr, it was because reddit was being fucking dumb and I didn't want to support it. I had been a user for almost a decade and it really was frustrating to leave a platform I enjoyed so much. It turns out to have been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I went from a lurker to being active in a wonderful community here on Tumblr. I originally joined because I wanted to see the same memes I got from reddit, and I loved the horny vibe mixed in. It was right when I was beginning to explore myself for the first time in my life, rather than just floating along. When I got here, it took me a bit to find my feet, and holy shit was the effort worth it. I struggled with feeling like I was invading, but so many people took my hand and let me know I was welcome all the same. Whether I knew what I was or not, and because of that I was able to truly immerse myself fully in a vibrant queer community for the first time. I had plenty of interactions with many in the queer community before, but not from the inside like it happened here. I finally was able to figure out something that made me feel comfortable with myself. I realize in hindsight, I had never truly felt at peace. I suspected I might be trans before I came here, but I learned some of what being trans means to me in this place. I was content to leave the story at that! To have been grateful for the small kindnesses afforded to me by those around me. To start to try and help others see the same things I had my eyes opened to, and just move forward. And then this week happened, and it feels like my life is going to have a before and after. In a mere five days I have had so many things occur it takes me paragraphs to even glimpse the surface. Death, fear, bravery, exploration, romance, joy, and hope. I have experienced these things more deeply in a matter of days than I have in the last decades of my life as a guy. I have spent mere weeks as a girl on tumblr, a week in my house as a girl, have yet to try and be a girl in public, and I don't even think I consider myself a woman yet, but my life as a girl has felt like its almost just as long as the life I spent as a man. Its incredible. In the middle of this incredible, horrible, beautiful, and terrifyingly stressful week I didn't know how I was going to make it through each minute let alone get through each day. And then this silly little horny community reached out to me. Everywhere I turned I had people not just offer support when I complained, I had people reach out just to let me know they were there if I needed them. I'm so used to just shoving things down and dealing with it alone that I didn't even know how to accept this much help. Every time I had gotten everything shoved down again I had someone else reassure me that I was allowed to lean on them if I needed. It was incredible. It felt almost coordinated with how many people helped me. And I just don't think it's possible for me to express my love for everyone in this community who has helped me both this week, and in the time leading up to it. Those who have given me tips. Those who have helped me find myself. Those who have made me feel beautiful. Those who have let me lean on them when I needed to cry. Those who just let me know they would worry for me. @xenasaur @justaflatbitch @userwordandpassname @rosieeyes @crocadilly @latenitegirlluv @evergreen-femme @v10l3nt-gl1tch3s @tymera @godincarsnate-blog Thank you. I have already said words to some of you, but there is no chance it accurately gets across how much so many people here have meant for me in the little time I've spent. I have surely missed people here, so please don't think you don't matter if you haven't made the list. It's not just these few people. It's the entire community that gathers together and makes this kind of thing happen. Everyone has played a role in making such a lovely space what it is. Big hugs, much love- Jay

[notjennyfromtheblocked]

Im deliberately sending this off anon so you can see that you arent being 'attacked' by 'Anne', and the fact youre even discussing it that way is ableist as fuck. Im going to start this by making it clear, I have BPD, Im also trans and you will not be knowing my AGAB. You are the asshole in this situation.

We're going to start off simple, you are not an expert on BPD, google and tiktok is full of misinformation and harmful stereotypes about Borderline pplo. BPD is not an 'abusive person' disorder, there is no such thing as a condition that makes you an abusive person. BPD does cause intense, deep emotions that can shift quickly and be hard to control; often this includes having intense feelings for people around them and being scared of losing them/them not being who you thought they were. Because this condition comes from trauma (usually from family/relationships) there are often amplified feelings around abanonment and betrayals of trust especially from ppl you thought were your friends. It is in fact common for some of our nost intense lifelong interests start bc of stupid reasons, but starting bc of a stupid reason doesnt mean the interest isn't genuine. Have you never done something bc your friend wanted you too and you ended it up loving it? Why is it any different bc it was a crush not a friend? BPD doesnt make you a manipulative person, nor does it make you gaslight ppl and seeing as 'anne' has a psychiatric degree Im sure he understands his condition better than you do.

Secondly, 'Anne' is allowed to be trans in whatever way he wants too, she doesnt have to bind, or pack, or change his appearance for anyone. I have a beard, long hair, wear any kind of clothes I want, have tits, have bulge, am hairy and wear a full face of makeup. Some of those things are part of my agab, some of them a part of my transition. And its not a single iota of your goddamn business whether youre friends or not. Gender is a performance and you get to choose the outfit and 'Anne' is deciding what she want his to look like.

Thirdly, you do not seem to understand that part of the reason you very clearly show yourself to be the asshole is the way you speak about others. Describing being an introvert as being more sophisticated or above extroverts is just ridiculous, you are not superior bc you dont go out to parties. I don't either, I find them uncomfortable and loud, but that doesnt make me sophisticated. You talk about 'Mike' as if he cannot be the arbiter of his own interests or relationship, that hes just stupid and couldnt piece it together if 'Anne' was 'faking'. You talk about 'Anne' like she's some master manipulator but you did everything that happened to yourself, you went to the GC and convinced them that something was wrong, you took a group of ppl who didnt know 'Mike' to 'Anne's' house to confront him, you made a callout post about 'Anne' on facebook, you tried to immediately go running to 'Mike' for damage control when your 'intervention' didnt work and you are the person that blasted it all over facebook and now tumblr. And now you are the one losing friends and family, and you deserve it, because the ppl you convinced to attack 'Anne' realised wtf they'd just done and how fucking horrendous that is. You have no evidence of any manipulation, or that 'Anne' is faking, or that 'Mike' isnt happy, you just presented your prejudice. 'Mike' and 'Anne' realise what youve done and they have enough proof to convince a judge or they wouldnt have gotten that restraining order. You are the person behaving manipulative here and everyone can see it except you.

I've tried writing a response to this so many times but I end up deleting it because when I try to explain myself it just sounds like I'm going in circles. There are tons of other asks I've tried answering and rewritten like seven times each before giving up. I've been writing over and over trying to explain like how while yeah technically Mike never told me word for word that he was T4T, when he told me I wasn't his type and then like two days later came out as trans it felt very, very much like he was coming out specifically to let me know that's why I wasn't his type. Or how I was trying to explain how look I know it might be controversial but the constant "main character syndrome" of extroverts just gets on my nerves and is supremely selfish in general and also the truth is you're just GOING to be more intellectual if you spend your free time actually expanding your mind instead of smoking pot and grinding against strangers and how someone like Mike who prefers the same free time activities as I do is just not going to work with someone who would rather party and get wasted than pick up a book, or how Anne is pretending to be trans and I know this because she isn't changing ANYTHING, and I was going to explain that the group chat was full of people she didn't know because it initially was a fandom ship discord from a show she doesn't watch but eventually when I started getting concerned yes it kinda became my "complain about Anne" vent place because nobody there really knew her well enough to go tell her what I was saying and it was a safe place for me to vent and explain why I thought she was abusive and cheating and they would actually listen instead of tell me to knock it off like others, and obviously OBVIOUSLY I thought her and I were close enough as friends she wouldn't mind me using her spare key which she kept under the doormat so it's not like I searched hard. I've written all of that so many times to so many different asks I can't even count and then i just end up deleting it because it feels pointless to even try because I know people will just keep sending asks so why bother so I never wrote it til just now unless I deleted it.

Im gonna be totally fully honest here I woke up and I saw the 99+ notifications in my inbox and I haven't been able to stop shaking because I'm so fucking angry because nobody is on my side, I literally scrolled hoping to find at least one person who was agreeing with me and nobody was and honestly I was so mad I couldn't even see and then I finally found a couple of nice asks and they were signed and I was so excited someone finally agreed with me and when I checked on their blogs they were all fucking terfs. All of the people who were taking my side were fucking terfs. And like I'll be honest with you I have two very close family members who are trans and honestly they've both blocked me recently and even though I tried to contact them they didn't respond and I seriously hate hate HATE terfs because they've been so cruel to my two family members. And I'm so angry. But then I found your ask and at first I was so angry and I tried to reply but I just deleted it because I was getting angry. But then I found more terfs in my ask and then even more hateful anons from non terfs.

But then I kept thinking about how conservatives will literally LITERALLY have Nazis agreeing with them and dig their hills in and in like wtaf how are you not seeing that NAZIS are agreeing with you? But literally the only people agreeing with me are terfs. And honestly that's the last shit I want, I luterally hate terfs. I'm not even exaggerating when I say this is the nicest ask that WASN'T from a terf so I've just. I dunno. I am freaking out because this did not go the way I planned. I knew some people wouldn't agree with me but I thought it would be more split, like some YTA but mostly JAH and NTA. And then when I saw the poll for a hot minute I thought maybe it might veer ESH but obviously that isn't the case. It's just like have you ever really cares about someone, really really cared about someone, and he says oh please don't hug me and pulls away, and then other people hug him so you think I better tell these other people "don't hug him, he doesn't like hugs" and then he says its fine and then starts hugging other people but not you? And you realize at no point did he ever say he didn't like hugging, he just asked you, specifically you, not to hug him? Well imagine that but with Mike, and he stopped wanting to hang out with me and told me not to touch him but whenever I'd remind Anne not to touch him he'd say it was fine and I guess when he came out as trans it was just easier to believe he didn't date cis people than he didn't want to date me. And there were times I thought man I wish I were a trans person so Mike would notice me, and then it seemed like Anne was doing just that because of COURSE it crossed my mind to pretend just for a little while, because if he just gave me a chance he'd realize that we are compatible. Honestly I'm just freaking out because I made this blog a month ago after sent the ask to the aita blog but then it didn't get answered so I started the blog to get all this off my chest. And bam suddenly I was bombarded a month later and it took me a minute to realize the aita hadn't deleted it. Honestly none of this went according to plan and nobody except people I fucking hate want to hear my side. And I dunno. I just don't know. Bur if the only people agreeing me with me all day are terfs then obviously I need to think things through.

[puffywiz]

Hiii I'm gonna be sentimental and reflective oops

I had a really tough time in art school and when I finally graduated in 2019 I was burnt out beyond belief. Then covid happened and I lost both my jobs, yadda yadda, I went back to online school and did like 85% of a library tech diploma. I was good at it too, but something just felt wrong. I started to want to draw again. I wanted to try following my dream of being a comic artist again, but it hurt and it was hard and it was scary.

I was getting somewhere with it last summer when I was fortunate enough to take some time off from my gallery job. I spent that time writing. I kept like, telling myself the break would be temporary, I'd go back to work and then just make my comic on the side. But when I did go back several things happened. My cat passed away and I got injured, and I spent last fall fighting through one of the most severe depressive episodes I've ever had. I couldn't even eat really, I was drinking a lot of protein shakes. I was so unhappy.

The thing that helped me get through that was reading TLT. When I did my first handful of doodles and came back to tumblr to post them for fun I really did not expect the response I got. I'd gotten a little bit of attention on my art years ago when I used to post DC fanart on here but I'd never gotten such sweet comments. As LAME as it sounds, I've really never felt seen as an artist. Like I said, art school was uhh (forgive the pun?) pretty harrowing lmao. And yeah, its fanart, but it brought me so much joy to bring other people joy.

TLT has such a welcoming fandom. I've been in other online spaces over the years that got so toxic and mean. For the last year I've been sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it hasn't. At least not in my circle. I think the nature of the story attracts people who see the beauty in difficult things. I think this fandom is made of people (queer people, unique and complicated people) who maybe haven't felt fully seen before either.

A year ago today I started reading Gideon The Ninth and I'm so grateful for that. I may be running out of steam on the fanart front for it lately (I've been drawing it for a year straight!) but it's always going to be a piece of media that means the world to me.

I quit online school and I quit my gallery job, and I know now that was the right choice. I'll figure things out, I'm doing seasonal work and illustration gigs and maybe I'll find something else to keep the lights on next year. My webcomic Tailwind is going to have its hard launch this winter and I'm so excited. I'm ready to share more of my heart and my world.

Anyway aaaaall this to say, thanks 🌱 

[sout999]

dear tumblr ,,⋋(•◇•)⋌,,

thank you so much for all the support on my top surgery fundraiser, whether it's donating, reblogging or just staying patient with while i boost the link multiple times. which i am going to keep doing! it's no understatement that this is the single biggest positive thing that's happening in my life, and the time i need your help most. so i'm making my voice heard as much as i possibly can to spread the word, and i appreciate all your help with it. it makes me feel loved as a person and not as a bunch of posts on a dashboard, i've been getting pretty isolated because of mental health stuff so even the small connection we have from your act of goodwill is really meaningful to me

i've been ok, mostly putting in work on my masters degree, although some of the 'work' included having a massive breakdown from months of burnout, and i'm currently in the middle of trying to get an extension and rework a large part of my project. mostly this is due to the subject matter of my work having had a lot of loaded cultural and personal themes, which, when being forced to think about nonstop for two years, while also moving in with the family member who is the source of a large part of all the trauma of it, was just too much. taking a stance to axe the project in its current form was hard and made me feel like a quitter but now i feel relief and realize it was an act of self love as well

so i'm trying to recover from that and see a way forward to a project i would like doing, but it's hard when your circumstances have left you this depressed. i'm also trying to become more mindful of the way i use social media because when i'm anxious i fall very easily into the numbness sink of scrolling social media just to avoid thinking... i've stared a daily list of Ten Things That Happened That Day That Didn't Happen On The Internet, although i never get to ten, and i dont think even pre-internet leon would have gotten to ten, but it's good to aim high and take notice even of the little things. maybe to some people this comes naturally but i have to be very deliberate about it. i think this article sums up how im starting to feel about the internet rn

i've cut most personal spending down as much as possible to save up to my top surgery, so i have to find fun things to do that don't cost money. i'm trying to sew because my partner knows a lot about it and can teach me (i'm currently trying to engineer the perfect underwear, weird hobby but it's actually an amazing dysphoria-buster because most store bought underwear that fits my ass is so feminine, to be able to make a piece of something so intimate be so personal is, omg, an act, of, omg, self love). i've also sold off some things to help save for my top surgery and doctor visits, i'm trying to not get rid of anything i will really miss but it's also an enjoyable feeling to imagine the item disappearing as it becoming a permanent part of my history and of my sexy flat boy body (~o_o)~

if i end up having some free time outside of my masters degree, my current dream project is making pixel assets. i think with all the cases of my art getting stolen and used without permission it would actually be really cool to put something together specifically for public use. i miss kaoani and flower banners and stuff. i dont know if i can ever make something so saccharinely cute and tidy but if anything it's a nice space to visit

did you miss me coming to tumblr to make long winded posts about nothing? hopefully when twitter falls we will all be on here reading each others paragraphs, hopefully i'll have more going on in my life and can write even longer ones. here is a nice drawing, and a link to the fundraiser once again :)

https://gofund.me/958124b6

[kenzietensei]

Thoughts on sweet pool

So, I installed this game on my laptop a couple years ago, and only played about an hour into it at the time. This past week I was dogsitting and my laptop was with me, so I thought to play through the various endings of sweet pool.

I'd gotten the game because I read a tumblr post about the history of omegaverse, and I thought it would be interesting to see the origin of some of those tropes. I'm not into omegaverse, though I've read one or two fics using that setup. I'm not really into BL either, and most visual novels I've played have been otome or mystery stories. Also not a fan of gore or horror! So, uh, really not the audience for this title XD

Even so, I found the game compelling and it's been rotating in my brain the last few days since I got through the whole thing. There are a couple points in which I think my perspective might be unique so I figured I'd share. Spoilers below. If you're familiar with the plot, you'd also know what content warnings might apply here, so keep that in mind too >.>

First, I wanna go over some points I haven't really seen discussed/explicated anywhere that stuck out to me!

About the parasites:

The infodump that Kitani reads mentions markmeat, which I've seen reviews refer to as the stuff Youji passes. I'm pretty certain the fleshy bits are actually the fleshseeds and the markmeat is the 'bloodlike' pheromone which seeps out of Youji's neck.

The only people who can see this stuff is supposedly hosts. If you're a host, you'll become either Osu or Mesu. But it's unclear when that transition happens. Is it like a secondary puberty? Zenya's issues have been with him a long time, but he's also an unusual case. Tetsuo has had regenerative talent from childhood. Youji's accident was several years ago, but only very recently has he begun emitting pheromones.

There are at least two other people who can see these signs of the parasite who are unaffiliated with the cult as far as we know! There are rumors going around the school of blood and guts in the chem lab, and a separate rumor about blood and guts in the boys bathroom. Both incidents come about through a male student becoming alarmed and upset upon seeing something no one else can confirm is there. If it had been the same kid, I think the rumors would go a little differently (aka such and such has gone mad, that sort of thing) so I think its fair to say that more than one boy is effected. This indicates these boys are hosts, and also that they don't know about the biological aspects, at the absolute least.

Who are these kids? Are they children who were exposed like Zenya was? If they knew about the cult, they probably wouldn't have freaked out in public, so they're uninitiated and possibly not experiencing any symptoms (IE the way Youji was?). Receiving purebreed flesh is the only way we really see discussed for becoming a host, but then how did Tetsuo develop? Do some people just inherit this from their parents?

Speaking of inheritance, Youji's situation introduces some questions too. He seems to have been physically passed along his father's parasite during the accident... like it entered his wound and this ultimately revived/remade him. Whether Youji was going to eventually develop into a host through inheriting that in a different way, had the accident never occurred, isn't discussed. In the pool, Youji can will himself to do the same for Tetsuo - so did his parasite enter Tetsuo? Taken with the state Youji is in during that epilogue, it's pretty vague what happened. But should we take that to mean that a new parasite melding into the body of a host can revive them?

We are given a decent idea of what Osu and Mesu are. But there seem to be others involved with the cult who aren't dealing with these same symptoms. Kamiya is around high school boys every day and not driving any of them mad. Kunihito couldn't see the Sodomites until after he was shot - even though his family were long time participants in the cult. Furthermore, had either of them been Osu, wouldn't they have been interested to learn of Youji the Mesu? So, are they hosts? Interestingly, there's a moment in the school with Kunihito that makes me really wonder. Kitani interacts with his boss, who is alive (even though narration from Youji earlier seemed to indicate Kunihito had died) for the moment. Then Kitani sees a wriggler entering a wound, and it seems to be attached firmly. He rips it away and shoots it, and then next thing you know, Kunihito is dead. Was that his parasite, keeping him alive, or a new Sodomite trying to enter as a parasite and then reform Kunihito's body? Did Kitani's actions here actually doom his boss?

Can you have a host and then lose it? Might Zenya's state have been fixed by removing the inner being? As a fierce believer, it's obvious why Kunihito wouldn't have opted to do that, though. But I feel like the grand ending suggests that Tetsuo has lost this aspect of himself in the epilogue. He takes a long time to heal, after all. Perhaps in wishing they could live together as humans, Youji caused their parasites to detach?

The whole situation with Youji is so bizarre. He's perpetually weak with a lung disorder, lives barely nourishing himself, and experiences numerous intense injuries over the course of like 2 weeks while undergoing debilitating physical changes. I get why, bereft of regenerative abilities, he would die at the end of the plot.

I think the violins version of Miracles May suggests Youji succeeds in saving Tetsuo at the cost of himself. And the grand ending seems to say that in rejecting the Sodomites, in not sacrificing himself for Tetsuo, Youji does not get his wish in full - he wants to live on with Tetsuo as humans, which I think only half works (Tetsuo managed to pull through after being wounded), and Tetsuo speaks his name one last time, but I don't think Youji is truly around anymore. But I feel like Tetsuo is a human at this point. And perhaps Youji died as a human, too. I just don't get why there was an attempt to cover up his passing? Like the scandal at the academy is already pretty bad, wouldn't it make enough sense to say two students stopped into the school that day and both were accosted by the yakuza and one of them perished? It seems like it's vague just to confuse the audience.

About the characters:

Was Makoto sensitive to the pheromones just cause he happened to be? Or like was it because he was attracted to men that the pheromone could harm him like that? Because I feel like either reading is supported by the text. At what point, removed from the impact of the pheromones, would Makoto regain his sanity? He seems himself when we see him in the hospital. But in his ending, a week has passed since Youji disappeared. We can't know how long it's been since only bones remain - like at what point will the Mesu pheromones no longer be present in Makoto's system? He seems to be still outside his own control at the close of his story.

On endings, it's pointed out that purebreeds can use pheromones to control even normal people. But the degree of *control* is something I wonder about. Like, Youji's pheromones elicited control over others, chaining them to a desire beyond their own sanity. But Youji isn't the one holding the leash, so to speak. Tetsuo's scent also caused this to happen to Youji. And like, the ending where they breed & the prominence of instinct in that route suggests that this final choice is something they submit to rather than a choice they make under their own rational control. So I wonder about the purebreeds ability to control others... is it an active ability, or does it elicit an instinctual response in others?

We see the lump of flesh that Kunihito worships, and from his uncle's journal we know he was once a captivating young man. But he "gave too much of himself to his followers" and now is a weakened flesh slab... Honestly this whole bit of the journal is super suspect. It's phrased like that was a thing the purebreed did of it's own volition, but I don't think we're supposed to accept that at face value. As more of it's flesh was taken, it became weaker - so weak, that members of the organization were sufficiently outside of it's "control" to act on a revolt. Up to that point, was the cult compelled to consume the purebreed's flesh, regardless of it's wishes, due to it's outrageous pheromones? Or did the purebreed willingly give of itself but go to far and tipped the balance of control outside it's own favor? Could the cult have failed at this moment, and prevented the events of the story from ever coming to pass? It seems like there are other purebreeds elsewhere in the world, though, or have been throughout history, so I don't know that the japanese branch falling would end the Sodomites' bid to live on.

Uncle Okinaga can't explain why he tried to protect the purebreed, only that he was compelled to do so in remembering the boy's smile. In one route, Kitani encounters the newborn purebreed. Is he a slave from this point on? Will Kitani end up feeding on the purebreed? It's an uncomfortable question I was left with.

Speaking of Kitani, I feel really mixed about him. On the one hand, he is sympathetic. His shit childhood leads to him forming a traumatic bond with Kunihito. This is actually one of the most upsetting moments of the game, for me! Lol moreso than the gore, tbh. He's at his lowest moment, his body is failing, and this powerful man comes and exerts that power over him through assault. Kitani's instincts take over (he struggles to live). Kunihito says, work for me, you might as well die for a purpose... It really mirrors what happens to Youji so strongly! Like, Youji's connection to Tetsuo is in many ways just the same as this - he is overpowered by Tetsuo, and in the horror of his changing biology, Youji finds that being accepted as he is to be worth the discomforting aspects of the bond. Kitani likewise accepts the worst aspects of the Okinaga family as the price for having a place and a people to belong to. It isn't a loyalty earned through goodness or affection. In the Diving Deep ending, Kitani is said to feel aimless and purposeless without his family, and it seems like he might not care about living any longer. We see in different endings Youji submit his own life to the cost of a 'higher purpose,' whether that be procreation or saving Tetsuo. Ultimately, I don't think either of these men really formed healthy attachments to others and it is worthy of sympathy.

On the other hand! Kitani has committed himself to the Okinaga family, to the point that his support of them is more instinctual than rational choice. He knows it's abnormal, but he still goes ahead and does the eyeball thing, supports Kunihito's religious fervor, never intervenes in anything they've got going on (until the point comes where outside forces - Kamiya - threaten his family). He feels horrible about hurting women and children, but he beats a high schooler on orders from Zenya, and helps Zenya kidnap Tetsuo and Youji. Like, I think he'd already looked into Youji's background at this point, so once Zenya's done with Youji for the time being, Kitani knowingly dumps this frail, frequently hospitalized boy who has just undergone a brutal beating in the trash disposal area of the house where he lives alone with no one to care for him. That is abhorrent. Then, he helps Zenya kidnap this same boy a second time, at which point the boy is kept as a sex slave. Kitani is not in the dark about this - he is an adult and knows both Kunihito and Zenya are mentally unstable, and that these actions are not only harmful or illegal, but seriously jeopardize Youji's life. And then, the real kicker? Zenya really loved it when Kitani sewed Kristi a lil yukata to match Zenya's outfit. So, Kitani dutifully makes his new pet, Youji, an outfit as well! I'm sure seeing Zenya so happy really made it all worth it, huh Kitani?

About my feelings:

So, I played this game at a point in time where I was actively on my period lol I still am right now as a matter of fact. And although I initially started it earlier before this was part of my life, in the interim time I had bariatric surgery and have developed a different relationship to food, hunger, my biology, and the often uncomfortable bowel changes that came with it.

It's horrible, but my partner didn't flinch away from the hard truths that came with major surgery. We've had to discuss diarrhea and incontinence and foul gas. Early on, there were days I thought I would die of embarrassment, but he loved me regardless. Thankfully, the biggest problems of the early days are mostly a thing of the past, but it's not something I'm liable to ever forget. I felt so bad for Youji, going through something that altered him intrinsically like that, with no one to support him. When he takes Tetsuo's actions to be unconditional acceptance of his mortifying biology, this leads Youji to bond with the man at the expense of his own being. He becomes subsumed into this bond. Had Erika's situation been different at the time, I don't think Youji would have clung to Tetsuo's lack of repulsion as if it were love.

Further, I felt a kinship to Youji's difficulty feeding himself that was absolutely absent the first time I played any of the game. Having been through a great deal of nausea, food repulsion, and experiencing my body at it's weakest, I was just as worried about his health as before but more sympathetic to the forces at play than last time.

As for the menstrual aspect, I can totally vibe with the idea that this bodily change is a repulsive, dirty, shame-inducing experience which alienates a person from their peers and from their own body. When I'm on my period, I do feel like my body is outside of my control, and knowing it's for a function (childbirth) isn't some welcome news. Like I have to put aside myself as an individual person (mind) to deal with the realities of my form (woman) for the time being, and it's jarring and uncomfortable. In this regard, I feel the reason vs instinct system is so well supported by the story's themes!

Also, uh, as someone who has experienced painful sex, anal sex, and painful anal sex in my life, the sex scenes were pretty intense to play through. Like the agony is well written and Youji's lack of consent is ever present. When he becomes aroused, it is not treated as if that is equivalent to consent, which I especially appreciated as this is something of a problem when it comes to discussing the rape of men in particular. Even when Youji is participating in sexual interaction, the way the biological aspect has been laid out, with the pheromones and everything, makes consent not really possible. While Youji comes to feel a bond with Tetsuo, it is due to their biology moreso than a romantic connection, and this seems like something borne from the need to mate rather than driven by who they are as *people.*

I do think it's interesting that this game is so focused on biological functions. The drive to breed, which in some species does indeed come at the expense of the parents' lives, is only one thread of this theme. The need to nourish oneself is definitely very present. And then digestion and expelling waste comes into play in a highly unusual way, lol. I found the mention of the myrmecoleon to be thematically resonant and perplexing at the same time. From Kamiya's comments, each half is biologically at odds with the other. I wondered how this was meant to be taken in conjunction with the story. Like, Youji doesn't eat, but he produces this new flesh and passes it - the flesh seeds are not a product of what he takes in. And it doesn't seem like not eating is enough to kill Youji based on what we see. But Kamiya's statement that maybe one end could survive if it would reject the other is kind of weird. You can read it as saying one part can survive - either the reasonable part of the being (the human) or the instinctual aspect (the parasite). There is no fusion of the two possible, no coexistence. It makes enough sense in regards to Youji, but it's a little confusing if you try to apply it to the Osu-Mesu pairing (two halves of a whole). I kind of felt that it was saying only one of the two could have their wishes fulfilled/their needs respected. Since Youji is getting raped all the time, I thought that's what Kamiya was getting at, at first. And if you take it to the breeding stuff, it is also confusing, Kamiya! What we see of their copulation, producing a purebreed is very much a matter of fusion, so it reads at odds with the myrmecoleon bit. If you see the lion and the ant as humans and Sodomites in their separate species, that's also kinda weird. I think its meant to represent that the hosts are these third kinds of beings - both ant and lion - and that their existence is at odds with both parts of their biology. It really leaves me wondering how the hosts and purebreeds thing is supposed to accomplish anything for the Sodomites. It's not clear what they're gaining from this, though it also isn't clear that any alternative is available to them. The drive to exist is strong enough that they must attempt to continue the species, no matter what indignities it requires, I guess?

Overall, I left the game feeling very unsettled (the music is SO effective, omfg) and on edge. Hopefully having written out my thoughts will help me to move on from sweet pool!! Can't really say I'm glad I played it - I was curious about how it related to omegaverse and it was indeed fascinating to see the root of those tropes being developed - but it didn't do anything for me in that doki-doki kind of way and left me more agitated than moved by its emotional stuff. I do think it was very well written, and well conceived, and well produced. I'd love to talk about it with other people, though I doubt I'd ever play it again or be likely to recommend it.

Thanks for reading this crazy long post :3

[our-lesboy-experience]

as a peculiar lesbian myself i think its hilarious how anti lesboys/anti mspec lesbians either push lesbians who arent fluid in their gender (in terms of being multigender) under the rug or try to severely police how they should identify.. just because THEY dont like it. and most of the time these people who are mad arent even lesbian identifying either which is absolutely WILD??? anyways, im proud of being an aroace, contrapan, pan lesbian boygirlthing. well at least im proud of it in inclusive spaces. thanks exclus! youve made me scared of revealing my full identity to friends! even on roblox! fucking roblox! thank god my closest friends literally dont understand mspec lesbians at all which makes it easier to explain to them how i feel without them being mad at me. thank yew c and e (first letter only for anonymity obvi) but oh well, itll probably be accepted by most in a few years anyways. thats how all this 'discourse' goes. something becomes popular from tumblr, people dont like it because it becomes a 'mockery of their community' as they so call it, and then they learn more about it and proceed to then use those labels while entirely ignoring their absolute vitriol in the near past. but at least people learn.. even if it takes way too long. and i will admit i never understood things like mspec lesbians in the past but also i was on fucking queer insta. as a 12 year old in 2019. but at least i never attacked anyone and still remained openminded, bc SOMEHOW queer insta was a little more stable than tiktok is now? its a miracle. SHOCKER! anyways, sorry this is such a LONGGGG ramble, and im even more sorry if my wording is absolute SHIT! i type how i speak and i speak in major tangents. thats autism for you. have a good day tumblr user our lesboy experience (>_<)

yeah I relate to everything you just said. the most vitriolic hate I've ever gotten for being a lesboy were from non-lesbians. really

the mspec lesbian discourse started in like 2020 when covid hit, and then lesboy discourse had been following right behind. guess that's what happens when you have a bunch of people stuck inside with nothing but the internet to access the outside world

[heartfulselkie]

*drops an armful of things on my way in*🧃🧸📚🥐🏜️🦋🦴🐚 oops

I uh...I think you dropped something 😂

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

I have one tattoo but would like to get more! The one I have already is of the Outsider's Mark from the game Dishonored and its on the back of my shoulder. I would have gotten it on the back of ym hand like in the game, but I knew that would wear out pretty fast (and I also wasn't wanting something too painful for my first tattoo). I would like to get other ones, but because of reasons it might never happen.

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

I guess it depends what kind of mutual? If you mean the kind of mutual that I would politely nod at if we passed by in the street, then that really just happens by chance. I see a blog I like and follow them. Maybe they follow me back or were already following me 🤷‍♂️ If you mean the kind of mutual I cook blorbos with and bark at each other at all hours over blorbo thoughts then that isn't something that would happen through Tumblr alone I don't think. The mutuals I play pass the brain cell with are people I've had relatively frequent conversations with on discord so we know we just kind of click. I'm very bad at conversation (especially with new people) though so it can take a while for me to settle into frequent talking with someone 😅

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

A grocery list. Not very exciting 😂

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

I have forgotten any and all internet references in existence upon being asked this.

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Any comment... 👉👈 As long as its not negative I'm happy to receive any comment. I'm a glutton for validation.

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

I wish I'd been surrounded by better people when I was younger. I've dealt with a lot of failure from the various adults in my life, and now that I'm an adult myself I'm having to fix all that and pick up the slack. I like to think there's another version of me in some alternate timeline that got to pursue the things they love and know themself much sooner than where I'm at now. Maybe they'd be completely different. Or maybe they'd be the same. It's just something I think about. (I really tried to think of a less depressing answer to this one but I am really just a melancholic sort of person through and through 😂)

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

Just...just one?? I can find inspiration from almost anything if its something that resonates with me. Music, video games, movies, books... But I suppose something I always come back to is fairy tales (and also fae creatures themselves). It's just something I grew up with and I have spent a lot of time being obssessed with the mythology and lore of them.

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises?

It's a very situational kind of thing. Generally I hate surprises that mean a change of plans or things being sprung on me out of nowhere. But small things like someone saying "I got you X thing because it reminded me of you/because I know you like it" is always nice. Like I cried on my last birthday because my dad sent me flowers and I wasn't expecting anything 😂

[Truth or Dare Ask Game]

[scummy-writes]

Scum's Anon Tips

Hello 👋 I have been on tumblr for around 8-9 years and have seen this website change a lot! Nowadays, I notice old information circling around regarding anons, and I wanted to share some information I've experienced through my time here.

This is not meant to be mean spirited, it's just meant to be helpful since I am noticing a trend of anon hate in the circles I'm around. Please feel free to add any corrections that you know to be true, or any additionals.

1. Blocking an anon does not put the user who sent the message in your block list.

(Tested and verified)

I see this one spread a lot and, from what I believe, this is from Way Back on tumblr from around the time I joined. It's possible that this was never a thing, and people just said it was, or this was a glitch that happened eons ago. Who knows! This site is held together by sticks and gum, so shit happens.

What happens instead is that it blocks the anons IP address . This is verified here by the site themselves (under 'other considerations'). Before they implemented having to be logged in to send anons, this made dealing with anon hate a bit more difficult since dedicated folks could try to bypass the IP block.

2. Blocking one anon message, out of a group of them, then refreshing, can show you how many of those anons were sent by the same person/IP.

(Tested, verified with note)

This is something I would do when I would seemingly get a batch of anon messages from 'multiple' people in the last few years (and recently as of March/April-ish of 2023), only to block one and then refresh, and have all of the hateful messages suddenly gone from my inbox. It's a helpful way to help realize that no, 282973 people are not slamming in to get mad at your characterization in a fanfic, its usually just one dedicated asshole.

Side note: last time I tried this, I did have a notif for one of the anons in my notifications, but not actually in my inbox. It's possible that this may be buggy at times. In my experience, aside from that single instance, it's repeatedly gotten rid of other hateful anons in my inbox.

3. Blocking someone who you believe/know sent the anon message does nothing to the anon message in your inbox.

(Tested, verified)

Until recently, I thought that this would work! But as of 07/09/2023, I realized that this does nothing to any anons in your inbox. I had my roommate send me an anonymous message, then I blocked her account and refreshed my inbox multiple times: and it never touched the anon message. I think this is odd for tumblr to do, but it may line up with some sort of privacy protection they have.

So if you have any worries if someone sent an anon message, this is not a way to test it out.

4. (A Tip) If you find yourself getting a lot of anon hate...

Not a great answer, but one that is needed to be heard: Stop Answering Them. We've all been online long enough to hear the 'dont feed the trolls' mantra, but seriously. Answering the ask means you can no longer block Or report it. In point 2 I mentioned it's usually one dedicated asshole, but if it isn't, then you're just opening yourself to more anon attacks. If you Badly want to answer it- screenshot it, then answer that way, because at least you can still block and report the OG anon. I think this is even more important now that users have to be logged in to send anon messages. They can't play with IPs as much anymore with this feature, so it's more important than ever to block and report em now.

Reporting can be done on mobile and desktop version of the site, as well as blocking. Please, always utalize these. You're not a 'coward' or whatever for curating your online experience.

Additional Note:

When it comes to information spread about anons, a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if it seems to be in line with any possible privacy issues with tumblr. The point of anonymous messages, good or bad, are to be anonymous. It does not make much sense for a site to allow you to easily see who sent the anon in that context. Especially when, on the official Help section of the site, they have confirmed that even staff supposedly doesn't know who sent said anon ask (It's under 'What About Anonymous Asks?'). So why would they have their site (alibet held together with sticks and gum) show you very easily who sent the anon?

On their side of things, I hope this is a little fixed now that we have to be logged in to send messages, so that they can take action on the accounts sending hateful shit.

-----

Please feel free to add onto this list, but I repeat, please add on with things you know to be true. Not stuff you heard through the grapevine, as there is so much misinformation on that vine, but things you yourself have experienced and have Worked. It'll be helpful to know if your tip is something from before the 'must be logged in' change or not as well!

[system-of-a-feather]

(TW: talk of suicide, not me, just experiences of being on the support end)

So I'm continuing down my training and the part that I'm currently on is reviewing the crisis line phone call methods and talking to individuals on said crisis line and man

Growing up I was basically an on call text crisis line for at least like... six adults, four peers, and like six "by proxy" individuals since the ten that used me as their crisis line sometimes needed me to help them help their peers. As a teen it was something that distracted me, gave me some sense of control, purpose, and belonging in a trauma environment and also - in a codependent / counter dependent sense - made me feel safe in the relationships to be needed by someone. Plus, it kept me alive, because I was "responsible" for keeping so many people alive. If I killed myself, those that I was caring for would inevitably follow shortly after. Its probably the number one reason that despite our huge trauma history and DID and all that stuff, that we have *never* attempted.

(Its also the same reason why I originally started this blog; albeit in a healthier way; I had actually left the website I was involved in that space in because a lot of them were really just being toxic and abusive @ us and I got fed up and found tumblr had a better mediation / boundaries between support provider / mental health discussion and people receiving it; I still needed the niche at the time in my life, but I needed it in a place that was less self destructive)

But I spent a lot of my teenage years dealing and responding to crisis situations chronically and honestly, I have / had really bad survivors guilt from the two that "I failed" and that I still don't know if they are alive, dead, or have gotten better on their own and moved on in life. There was a SHIT ton of trauma I had from that coping mechanism I picked up; most of which I've mostly processed, but suicide has become a topic I'm incredibly accustomed to talking about.

And honestly, there is a lot I could probably say, both about the good and bads that came from it

But honestly, I think one of the most impactful, meaningful, and powerful experiences I've had - the one that really stuck the most with me even among a lot of the trauma that literally haunts me - is the one time when my writing partner had really been backed into a corner and was really set on killing himself and there really was no good response that was honoring to the situation at hand. There really wasn't a silver lining, there really wasn't a point in leveraging our projects, life was really fucking horrible, garbage and not going to get better; large plans that were going to help him went down and I literally could not reasonably get any mood boosters and at a point, it really kind of hit me that the usual routine we had, my 400 suicide response scripts and response patterns just were not working.

And so I just kind of chucked it out and gave up on trying to convince him to not kill himself. It was rational, it was fair, anyone in his situation would be suicidal, hell I would be and it'd be fake for me to try to argue for life - anything that I did would come from a selfish place and thats obvious. And I just kinda went "Okay, I get that, but hey, if you are going to kill yourself anyways, can you do me one favor? If you are going to die anyways, can you humor me and just, leave? Leave home. Nothing worse could happen compared to what you are already planning to do, so please just humor me and leave."

And there really was just a still moment - something we both talk about and reflect upon a lot - where it just clicked in him and he went "okay" and like... literally just left and really hasn't been back since. He went through a lot of shit, but he's grown and improved his life so much, he has good income, owns a house and his own stuff, is back in college, and is honestly getting access to good therapy across the world from his family and of all the thousands of crisis situations I've responded to - including the ones where I "failed" and might have "let someone die" - I really find that one conversation is the one that *really* sticks with me the most

I think out of all the moments in my life, I think that one in particular gave me a lot of insight into how much just being the right person at the right time saying the right thing can really make this large and huge change in the world and honestly that when it comes to people in active suicide, there are a LOT of practices, safety procedures, tactics and routines you can do to make sure someone is safe, de-escalate, and convince someone to live a bit longer; but sometimes honest to god, trying to do that really can just push the issue down until later and invalidate / undermine an individuals autonomy and understanding of their situation which can help somewhat I guess in the short run, but that autonomy and respect for an individual to weigh out that ambivalence they make when they stop their plan to actually like... reach out for support, it's pretty important to respect and understand that people don't feel suicidal for no reason and to just ignore the completely valid reasons is not necessarily in best practice.

And I was going to hesitate in saying "best practice" because that phrase Means Things, but I am literally just going through evidence based best practice training for Crisis Professionals and I can say that it really isn't best practice.

I dunno, I'm writing a bit of a reflection and taking a break from the training (encouraged) since it was a bit personal but like.... I really honestly also think an important take away is also that like... Being the person responding to a person's crisis is a high stress position to be in and its a lot of emotional labor on the person responding

But even then, being the person responding to it can be immensely impactful and meaningful and rewarding to the individual responding and people that are there, voluntarily, on their own accord, and actively wanting to help and be an open ear, are doing so because its something that works for them and something that helps them / does them good.

I have taken on trauma, survivors guilt, and what not from my role in this, but genuinely, I still enjoy being able to be in that position for the people I care about and even in a professional sense. It's easy to feel like a burden when you are throwing these heavy topics at someone, but there are people that actively want to and ENJOY being able to be there for you and to have these conversations.

These sorts of experiences have given me a lot of insight into myself, others, and the world that have become really foundational to some of the traits and values about myself that I love and respect the most. I regret none of them and I don't think any of them were a "burden" to me.

Consent and all is obviously important and thats the large caveat, but genuinely, let people who want to be there for you be there for you. Its can be life changing for both of you. It can be life saving for the both of you.