#as is indicated I Am Going Deeply Insane

[squeakadeeks]

i havent seen another human being in 7 days

[kaiser1ns]

#. KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE

featuring 𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 ıllı. umemiya hajime, sakura haruka, suo hayato, kaji ren, togame jo, takiishi chika, endo yamato

fluff. since when did you dream of a first kiss with the boy you like. and the chance finally came, but not everything turned out as imagined.

up to 500-600 words per scenario, i tried my best, sorry i'm still trying to describe romantic scenes womp womp, like and subscribe!

UMEMIYA HAJIME

You are so in love with this man that you can't get enough. Literally, you can't get enough of the way he is so oblivious to the hints you drop every single day. He is laughing yet again at something, surrounded by Furin first years and Hiragi at Kotoha's cafe. The desire to smack him on the head and tell him he is so stupid grows faster than the vegetables in his garden. Only Kotoha seems to notice your gloomy mood — you haven't touched the food she prepared, and it makes her worry.

"I'm going to give up if he doesn't do something soon," you tell your best friend, your voice tinged with frustration.

She pats your hand reassuringly. "It'll be okay. Don't mind Hajime's antics. Boys take time to develop, you know."

You thank her and finish your food, but you still want to go home. Being in his presence feels draining right now. You quietly say goodbye to Kotoha and immediately leave, while she wonders what she can do to help you out.

You aren't far away when you hear running footsteps behind you and the voice you knew all too well. "Y/N, wait for me, please!" It's Umemiya, running worriedly towards you. You turn to face him as he pants from the exertion. "Kotoha said you wanted to talk about something with me. Is that why you left?"

Oh my, this girl. How dare she does this to you? You didn't want to tell him, you were supposed to be mad at him. "It seems that I have forgotten what I was going to say," you murmur, turning on your heel to walk away again. But he hugs you from behind, his grip strong and tight, your back against his chest.

"You wanted to have your first kiss, right?" There it goes, your best friend spilled everything to her brother. "I've noticed everything you did to indicate your wants and needs. I was just waiting for the right moment, when we aren't with people, like this ..."

He lets you go, turning you around and kissing you. His eyes are closed, but yours widen in surprise. The feeling of his lips on yours and his hands on your back makes you relax. You're a blushing mess, a whirlwind of butterflies and emotions coursing through you. Hands find their way to his chest, feeling his heartbeat race as fast as yours.

When he finally pulls away, his eyes meet yours, filled with a tenderness you've longed to see. "I'm sorry it took me so long," he murmurs, his voice soft and sincere. You smile, your heart swelling with the butterflies going there instead. "You better make it up for all the waiting."

He chuckles, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. "I guess I am a bit dense, huh?" You laugh, the sound light and genuine, laying your head on his chest and hearing his heartbeat once again as he hugged you "Just a bit."

As he walks you to your home, hand in hand, you can't help but think about Kotoha and how she played Cupid, knowing exactly what you needed, even when you didn’t.

SAKURA HARUKA

You’ve heard it all before, the endless litany of self-deprecation and doubt that spills from Sakurs’s lips like a broken record. It’s a familiar routine by now, his recounting of how he doesn’t deserve kindness or acceptance, how your sweetness to him feels misplaced. His voice wavers with each confession, half-hoping you’ll agree and half-fearing you’ll walk away.

“I don’t get why you’re so nice to me,” he says for the umpteenth time, eyes downcast. “I don’t deserve it.” Your eye twitches. You’ve had enough. The words repeat in your head, grating on your nerves. You care about him deeply, but his lack of self-worth is starting to drive you insane. He’s strong, capable, a fighter in every sense of the word—except when it comes to himself.

“Oh my god, Sakura, stop with this bullshit,” you snap, sharper than you intended. He blinks, taken aback. “Hah!?”

“Stop talking about yourself like that. It’s so frustrating. ‘I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve that.’” You mimic his tone, letting your irritation seep through. His eyes narrow, anger mixing with confusion. "Huh!?" He clenches his fists, the familiar motion of cracking his knuckles following. It’s a gesture meant to intimidate, but you’ve seen it too many times to be scared. “Shut up before I make you,” you threaten.

He meets your gaze gaze, unflinching. “Make me then. Let your fists do the talking.”

That’s it. The breaking point. You stand up abruptly, closing the distance between you. He braces himself, expecting a fight. You can see the conflict in his eyes, torn between his instinct to fight and his deep-seated fear of hurting you. Instead, you grab his face with both hands and pull him into a kiss. It’s sudden, forceful, and completely unexpected. His body tenses up, then melts against you, stunned into silence.

When you pull back, his face is a shade of red you didn’t think was possible to achieve. He’s a mess of incoherent sounds, his mind clearly struggling to process what just happened. “W-what… Huh!?”

“You shouldn’t talk so much crap,” you say calmly, sitting back down. “It’ll lead you to problems.”

He stands there, dazed and silent, a stark contrast to his usual self. You relish the quiet, the absence of his self-doubt hanging in the air. Finally, a moment of peace. Sakura haven't said a word all day, lost in his thoughts. You watch him out of the corner of your eye, hoping that your impulsive act has left an impression, that maybe he’ll start to see himself the way you see him.

SUO HAYATO

The boy himself, the living legend of making people accept his requests with his teasing smile, is sitting next to you. His beautiful dark brown eyes make you melt like chocolate left out in the hot sun. Suo Hayato, the enigma from the neighboring school, is here in your living room, surrounded by your scattered chemistry notes. You begged him for help with your homework, and in his usual style, he agreed with a condition. You, expecting another teacake request, readily agreed.

The two of you sit on the floor, papers spread out across the table. Hayato explains the properties of alkaline metals and their reactions. His hand occasionally brushes against yours, sending a jolt through your system each time. He notices your reactions, the subtle glances you steal, the way you tense and relax. He is enjoying himself, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

“And that’s all. I’m sure you’ll ace the test, L/N-san,” he concludes with a smile.

A few days later, you find yourself beaming as you show him your test. Maximum points. You’re the only student with a perfect score, and Hayato knows it. His smile widens, and his eyes gleam with satisfaction.

“I knew you’d do it. But don’t you forget something?” he prompts.

Ah, yes, his reward. “No, I didn’t forget, Suo-kun.” You reach into your bag and pull out a box of homemade teacakes. “Here, just the way you like them.” He takes the box, smiling with one eye closed, the other hidden beneath his signature eyepatch. “Oh, thank you very much. So kind as always.” he pauses “But I wanted something sweeter.”

Confused, you stand there trying to figure out what he means. Wasn’t he on a diet? Perhaps you should brew him some tea. He chuckles, observing you and most possibly reading your thoughts.

“Don’t worry, I don’t want freshly brewed tea.” His voice is soft, but there's an edge to it. How does he always know what you’re thinking? Does he know you wanted to kiss him while you studied? His perceptiveness is both thrilling and intimidating.

“So what do you want?” you ask, your voice barely a whisper. He closes the distance between you in a heartbeat. “You.”

Before you can process his words, his lips are on yours, warm and insistent. Your bag slips from your shoulder, landing with a soft thud. The kiss is everything you imagined and more, a perfect blend of surprise and inevitability. You feel the chemistry, the undeniable connection between element Suo and element Y/N, strong and unbreakable.

You pull away, still in shock, as he steps back. His hands are behind his back, holding the box of teacakes, but his eyes are fixed on you. He turns to leave, but glances back over his shoulder.

“I’ll be waiting for more chemistry tests to help you out,” he says, a promise in his voice. And you know, without a doubt, that his request will always be met.

KAJI REN

You had always admired the way Kaji Ren seemed to be in his own world, headphones clamped over his ears and a strawberry lollipop lazily balanced between his lips. He was lost in thought, probably wondering about you, always worried—if you needed help, how your day went, if there was someone he needed to deal with for you. His obliviousness gave you the perfect opportunity. You appeared in front of him and, snatching the lollipop from his mouth, putting it in your own.

"What the—" His initial reaction was irritation, a typical Kaji Ren tantrum brewing, until he saw you standing there, and that devilish look in your eyes. You were still in your school uniform, like you always are when he waits to walk you home.

"Oh, strawberry one. My favorite." You teased, a smile tugging at your lips. He scoffed, too tired to engage in your banter, as started walking behind you, when you suddenly stopped. Before he could react, you snatched his headphones and dashed off.

You were fast, but Kaji was faster. In a heartbeat, he caught up, slamming you gently against the nearest wall, his arms caging you in. You looked up at him, a devilish grin on your face.

"Now, what, Ren?" you taunted, breathless.

For a moment, he just stared, as if trying to figure out his next move. Then, in a move that surprised both of you, he grabbed the lollipop from your mouth and tossed it on the ground. His lips crashed onto yours with a hunger and urgency that sent the butterflies right into your stomach. He kissed you like he’d been starving for it, tasting the sweet strawberry flavor that lingered on your lips.

You kissed back with equal hunger, your hands tangling in his hair. Time seemed to stand still as you both poured everything into that kiss. When he finally pulled back, both of you were breathing heavily, as you stared at the blonde boy.

"Do you want to try an apple flavor next time?" you asked, a teasing once again.

"Shut up," he muttered, his cheeks tinged with a faint blush. He snatched his headphones back and started walking again, but you weren’t ready to let go just yet. You ran up to him and slipped your hand into his. For a moment, you thought he might pull away, but instead, he squeezed your hand tightly.

TOGAME JO

You never go into Shishitoren territory without Togame. He’s your personal bodyguard, a very fine one at that, and he insists on accompanying you every time. Texting him is a lost cause—he never responds. At least, that’s what he wants you to believe, even though your texts are the only ones he ever reads. So, you always call to tell him you are under the bridge, waiting for him.

Tonight, the two of you are wandering down a bustling street, searching for a pub to settle in. The crowd is big at this time of the night, and Togame keeps his hand firmly on your waist, ensuring you stay close. Despite him wanting to keep you close and safe, you are always slipping away, and it drives him crazy.

You meander through, your curiosity piqued by a very interesting shop window. Something inside catches your eye, and you pause to admire it. Meanwhile, he is frantic, scanning the crowd for any sign of you. When he finally spots you, relief floods his body, quickly replaced by an angry expression. The Shishitoren vice-capitain makes a note to buy the item for you tomorrow, but now is not the time. He strides over and grabs your hand, pulling you towards a quieter, more secluded area.

“What if something happened to you? Do you know how much I’d regret that?” His usual slow, measured speech is now rapid and laced with frustration.

You look down, guilt washing over you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

He sighs heavily, his expression softening as he sees your sad face. Gently, he tilts your chin up, his fingers brushing away the few tears that have escaped. “Don’t cry now, pretty girl.”

Before you can respond, he leans in, his lips meeting yours in a kiss. You hadn’t expected your first kiss to happen like this, in a quiet, dimly lit alley, but it’s with Togame Jo, and that’s all that matters.

His hands cradle your face, thumbs tracing soothing patterns on your skin. You close your eyes, relaxing in his touch, your heart pounding in your chest. It is soft, tender, and unhurried. There’s no rush, no urgency—just the two of you in this moment. His lips are warm, and he takes his time, savoring the feel of you, as butterflies made their way to your stomach. When he finally pulls away, you’re both breathless, faces mere inches apart.

He presses his forehead against yours, a small smile playing making its way, reassuring you that everything was fine, “Just... don’t do that again, okay?”

You nod, still dazed from the kiss. He entwines his fingers with yours, leading you back to the crowded street, but this time, his grip is gentler, more safe. The bustling city seems a little less overwhelming with him by your side, and you can’t help but smile, stealing glances at him, your heart fluttering with every step. Togame catches your eye and squeezes your hand, his own smile growing wider.

TAKIISHI CHIKA

He showed up at your house, knocking on the window as you sighed, getting up from your bed. You, of course, let him in, seeing how he was again stained with blood that was not his. It was the same every time: he came to you so you could patch him up, fix him, give him a shower, change of clothes and a place to sleep in. You never ask questions, and he never offers explanations. Tonight is no different as you sit in his lap, bandaging his face and hands.

You're not a couple; you're not anything. It’s complicated. There are unspoken words between you, a delicate balance that neither of you dares to disrupt. As you sit on his lap and clean his face, you find yourself closer than before. His yellow eyes, intense and piercing, lock onto yours, heart races, each beat echoing in your ears. You’re getting closer, inch by inch. Hesitation grips you, your breath caught in your throat.

"Don't move." Just as you think of pulling away, his hand moves behind your head, gently but firmly pushing you forward. Your lips meet his in a soft, tentative kiss. It’s surprising, the gentleness of it, especially coming from someone as fiery and unpredictable as Chika. The kiss is brief, a fleeting moment that feels that for once you were something. When it ends, you pull back slightly, searching his eyes for any hint of what this meant to him. But his expression is the same as every day. And then you are back to becoming nothing.

For you, it meant everything. It’s a confirmation of the connection you’ve always felt but never acknowledged. But what did it mean for him? You're not sure, and you don't dare to ask. Not now. Maybe not ever. You take a deep breath, steadying yourself. You can think about this later. Right now, he still needs you. You focus on his injuries, cleaning and bandaging.

Chika watches you work, his eyes never leaving your face. You can feel the weight of his gaze, and it only makes you more aware of your own feelings. But you don’t let it distract you. You finish bandaging his hands and move to check for any other injuries, your fingers brushing against his skin, meanwhile, he gently caresses your thighs with his thumbs leaving a trail of warmth in their wake.

When you’re done, you lean back, surveying your work. He looks a bit better now, though still battered and bruised. You meet his eyes again, and this time there’s something different there. Something softer, more vulnerable — a golden hue reflects the dim light, adding a warm, almost ethereal quality to the sun.

“There all done,” you say quietly, unable to trust your voice to say more. You stand up, as you don't want to leave his embrace but you have to clean up the supplies scattered around and prepare a bath. As you move around the room to get him new clothes you can feel his eyes on you, following your every move. You wonder if he’s thinking about the kiss, about what it meant. You wonder if he feels the same confusion, the same longing, the same love.

ENDO YAMATO

The wind lifting strands of his dark hair and whipping them around his face. He’s talking about something, his tattooed hands tracing patterns in the air. But you’re not listening. You’re caught up in the way his lips move, the curve of his smile, the glimmering in his eyes.

"...and Takiishi was there, you know? Doing that thing he always does," Endo continues, oblivious to your silent longing. Takiishi Chika. Again. You frown, a little annoyed now. Why does he always have to bring up Chika?

"Endo," you say, softly at first, hoping to catch his attention. He doesn’t notice.

"Takiishi’s just so unpredictable. I never know what he’s going to do next."

"Endo," you repeat, louder this time. Still, he’s lost in his own world, his words tumbling out like the wind itself, unstoppable and carefree.

"And then, Takiishi—"

"Endo!" You say it sharply, frustration bubbling up inside you. He finally pauses, blinking at you in surprise. You take a step closer, your heart pounding in your chest. You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks, before he can say anything, you reach up and grab his collar, pulling him down to your height. His eyes widen in shock, but you don’t give him time to react. You press your lips to his, silencing him in the most effective way you know.

Feeling his lips against yours, the taste of his breath mingling with your own. It’s not perfect. It’s rushed and a little clumsy, your noses bump awkwardly, and you can feel him tense. But it’s real. It’s happening. And it’s better than any dream.

When you finally pull away, he’s staring at you, confusing and amusing gaze. His hands, still raised from his gesticulations, hover in the air, uncertain.

"Ah," he says, a slow smile spreading across his face. "I’m not good at judging people, am I?" You laugh, knowing how he chooses people and how his expectations are later contradicted, that right now is happening with you, "No," you agree, your voice soft. "You’re really not."

He rubs the back of his neck, looking sheepish. "Sorry. I guess I was talking too much."

"A little," you admit, your heart still racing. "But it’s okay."

He steps closer, his hand brushing against yours, indicating his motives. "Can I try again?" he asks, his voice quieter now, the playful edge gone. You nod, your breath hitching in your throat. "Please."

This time, when he kisses you, it’s slower, more deliberate. His hand cups your cheek, his thumb brushing gently against your skin as you live your dream.

©2024 kaiser1ns do not copy, repost or modify my work

[the-s1lly-corner]

If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?

I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.

TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !

oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me

CAINE:

if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too

POMNI:

as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence

JAX:

similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so

RAGATHA:

stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.

KINGER:

it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident

ZOOBLE:

zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.

"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security

GANGLE:

she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

Kinkuary Day 4

AN: Given how much this man touches people's necks, this was a given. Also, I have been experiencing a bit of Hao brainrot lately so this came up at the perfect time lol.

Synopsis: Xu Minghao is not typically what you envision when you think of the word 'fuckboy.' However, with how often you've found yourself in his bed, the term fits him to a t. Not that you're complaining.

General tags and warnings: Xu Minghao x Fem! Reader, university au, non-idol, (sort of) friend with benefits! Minghao and this is pretty much pwp.

Primary kink: Choking.

Smut tags and warnings: hair pulling (f. receiving), biting (f. receiving), mentions of clawing (both f. and m. receiving), some manhandling, overstimulation (f. receiving), mild dirty talk, choking (f. receiving), dacryphilia if you squint and piv sex with a condom (I know, who am I?).

Word count: 1.8k.

I will block you if you are a minor and/or have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.

You really did intend to spend tonight catching up with your friends.

Mingyu and Seokmin have been begging you to catch up with them for ages now and, you always feel like you've kicked two giant puppies when you apologise to them and have to decline every invite to hang out. Between essays and attending lectures all in an attempt to earn your Honours, you've barely had time to be a human being these past few months.

The two of them always understood. Because of course they did. They're probably the two kindest men you've ever met and, it's all just made you feel like even more of an asshole for constantly turning them down.

It doesn't help that you've been more than happy to spend time with their other friend either.

Calling your relationship with Minghao friendship would be generous. Frankly, it's a miracle the two of you can manage to stand each other given his disposition for cynicism and fondness for mocking your taste in music. However, to put it crassly, he's hot. All seemingly never ending dark locks, masterfully applied eyeliner and chipped, black painted fingernails. Considering your past ‘relationships’ with men like Seungcheol, Chan and even Mingyu that one summer, it's safe to say your friends were more than a little surprised when they noticed you and the perpetually stoic man gravitating towards each other.

“Am I boring you?” Minghao's words cut through your momentarily guilt swiftly. Long fingers winding themselves in your hair and tugging hard enough to provide a pleasant sting.

“N–No, I ah–,” your train of thought is interrupted by an especially harsh snap of his hips, his tip brushing against the part of your walls that renders everything but, him white noise. You claw at his sheets while he continues to fuck you into his bed. The obscene sounds of his hips snapping into your ass echoing throughout his bedroom. Luckily, the music blasting outside is more than enough to drown out whatever noises the two of you typically have to muffle.

“Good to know,” he laughs breathlessly into your ear, biting down on the lobe in time with his other hand gripping one of your breasts hard enough for the slight pain of his fingernails to shoot straight to your clit. If he wasn't holding onto you so fiercely, you're sure you would've fallen face first into one of his pillows by now.

You know Minghao fucks around with other people so, you're not going to delude yourself into thinking he's especially ravenous tonight because it's been a couple of weeks since the two of you have fooled around. However, it's hard not to think that way when he sinks his teeth into your shoulder while kneading your breasts in his massive hands. It's especially hard not to think that way when he's thrusting into you so deeply that you're sure you can feel him in your lungs and you're dangerously close to cumming again.

Sometimes, Minghao's phenomenal observation skills are great. Mostly, however, he uses them to drive you closer and closer to insanity.

“Close already?” He snarks against your skin, one of his hands snaking its way down your stomach to lightly brush your swollen clit. You reaction is immediate. A broken moan ripping itself from somewhere deep inside of you while your walls clench around him like a vice. He's barely touching you but, it's still enough for the network of knots in your core to grow tighter and tighter again.

“Hao,” you pant, your eyes squeezing shut when he graces you with more pressure on your clit. The circles he's drawing are lazy and slow but, it's better than nothing. You'll happily take what you can get at this point. “Please, I'm– It's– I'm so close,” you gasp out.

You're already too far gone to really pay attention to what he's saying but, your heart does leap into your throat when you feel the familiar weight of his hand around your neck. That simple gesture alone is enough to violently shove you over the metaphorical edge. Somewhere in the distance you can hear him curse behind you but, your brain is too busy breaking into a million pieces to really pay all that much attention.

It's easy to forget how strong Minghao is sometimes. In these moments, where he keeps you from crumbling into a heap on his bed while your body is hit with wave after wave of release, you're appreciative of that fact.

“–making a mess on my sheets,” are the first words your muddled brain can make out when you start to come back to your body. Everything is still a haze (and the purple lights decorating his room definitely add to that feeling) so you just barely register him manoeuvring you on your back. Still trying to catch your breath, a sweaty, eyeliner smudged Minghao entering your line of sight isn't helping matters.

He kisses you before you can think to do or say anything else. God, you'd almost forgotten how fucking great of a kisser he is. Full, plump lips leaving no room in your mind for anything but, him while his large hands spread your sticky thighs to allow space for him to comfortably position himself between them. He smirks against your mouth when you gasp in shock at the single thrust it takes for him to fully sheath himself inside of you again.

“Always so tight,” he groans, dragging himself out slowly enough for you to feel every vein of his cock before snapping forward. All you can think to do is claw at his muscular back while he fucks you into his bed once more. You're veering dangerously close to overstimulation territory but, you know from experience that that's what Minghao is hoping for. Precise thrusts making sure to hit that spot inside of you that causes your pussy to flutter around him and tears to build in the corners of your glossy eyes.

Minghao watches every twitch in your face like a hawk. Drinking every furrow of your brow and part of your lips in as though he needs them. Typically he's better at holding off his own release but, it's been far too long since he's fucked you and the way you're gripping him like you want to milk him for every last drop shoots sparks to the very tips of his fingers. However, he has to make you cum at least one more time on his cock before he lets himself go.

Everything in you seizes up for a brief moment when Minghao wraps his hand around your neck again. Blinking your eyes open takes a great deal of effort (when did you even shut them?) but, it's worth it to see him like this. Minghao is always hot but, when he's all sweaty and his eyeliner is smudged on his handsome face, he looks out of this world.

The air in your lungs vanishes in an instantly when he tightens his hold on your neck. His fingers burn every bit of skin they touch and the lack of air is making it increasingly difficult to focus on anything that isn't Minghao and his cock.

“–so fucking beautiful,” is all you hear before his mouth crashes into yours and his fingers apply more pressure. Sometimes, you wish he'd push your limits a little more but, between his cock continuing to bully your sensitive walls and the light-headedness you feel, you can't complain too much. God, would it be so terrible to spend the rest of your days with his hand around your neck? You don't think so.

You quickly shove that insane thought aside. His muffled groans and breathy curses add to the growing wetness you can feel leaking out of you onto his sheets with every precise stroke of his cock. However, it's ultimately his thumb pressing against your pulse that makes you fracture around him all over again. Noone has ever made you squirt but, you think this is the first time you've come dangerously close to doing so.

Minghao does not let up this time. Continuing to fuck you through your release, kissing away the stray tears that roll down your face due to the all-encompassing overstimulation. You don't think you can cum again right now but, with the way he continues to choke you through this already intense orgasm, he seems to be putting all of energy into trying to get you to cum again soon.

“Ha-Hao,” you choke out, teary eyes meeting his wild ones while he chases his own release. “I–It's–I'm– To-Too mu–much,” you babble out between broken moans and watery whimpers.

You've always (sort of) joked that Minghao has a very obvious sadistic side. He's never agreed with you but, he's never outright denied it either. Now, when he moans out a string of curses along with your name, you don't think he has much of a leg to stand on. He still has the presence of mind to drop his hand from your neck before nuzzling into your neck. Mouthing at whatever skin he can while his body jerks with every rope of cum he shoots into the condom he hastily put on who knows how long ago.

It's the smart, safe option obviously but, sometimes, when you're by yourself, you wonder what it would be like for him to paint your walls white instead.

The rush of oxygen must be getting to your head.

“Fuck,” is the coherent first word he pants out before pulling out of you and rolling onto his back. The pleasant pain of a thorough, good session already starts to set into the apex of your thighs and, you're honestly tempted to just pull his blanket over your body and crash. However, you two don't do sleepovers. It's become an unspoken part of your arrangement. Plus, you really should actually go spend some time with Seokmin and Mingyu. They're probably worried sick by now.

“Where are you going?” He croaks out, watching you with one eye as you crawl to the edge of his bed. You choose to ignore the way your clit zips back to life at the scratchiness in his voice. You know better than to look back at him right now. You really might just wind up under him again.

“To clean up and get dressed?” You ask back, confusion colouring your voice. You still don't look at him.

“Relax, you don't have to be in such a hurry,” he responds, grabbing your wrist and tugging you back into his bed. Your heart leaps to your throat when he awards you with a throaty chuckle, your hand reflexively coming to rest on his sweaty chest as you slot yourself comfortably into his side.

Well, you're sure Mingyu and Seokmin will understand.

Reblogs are greatly appreciated.

Do not repost, edit, copy and/or translate my work. I do not give you my permission to do so, nor will you ever receive it.

Kinkuary Masterlist | Seventeen Masterlist | Ko-fi.

[danielmolloystits]

break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored (2/2)

Summary:

“Armand?” Lestat looks at him very seriously, then. “He has neglected you?” Daniel laughs, though there isn’t much humor in it. “That’s one fuckin’ word for it, sure.” “Oh, mon ami.” Lestat’s eyes are round and wet like an animal’s. “A prize such as yourself does not deserve this terrible treatment.” He shrugs. “You get used to it.” “No.” Lestat grabs one of Daniel’s hands in both of his own, making such intense eye contact with the journalist that it starts to grow uncomfortable. “You deserve better. You must understand this.” “Okay,” Daniel agrees, shifting a little in his seat. Anything to move past this point in the interaction. “I deserve better.” “Good,” Lestat says, nodding resolutely to himself. “This is why you should let me fuck you.”

Pairing: M/M (Daniel/Lestat, Armand/Daniel) Rating: E WC: ~3,200

Daniel’s first thought after his climax is that Armand is going to kill him, for real this time, and his cock is still going to be twitching from the aftershocks when he does.

He thinks it’s probably indicative of something deeply, deeply wrong with him that it makes a spark of renewed arousal alight in his gut.

Quietly, he scrambles to pull his boxers and t-shirt back on. The other two vampires don’t appear to notice.

“Lestat,” Armand says, voice devoid of any emotion whatsoever. And, wow, Daniel really gets what Louis meant when he’d described this expression as ‘half-blank, half-apocalyptic.’ “It would be a good idea for you to leave now.”

The blond just raises an eyebrow at him, still holding Daniel in his hand, still absolutely covered in the mess Daniel made. “Can you not see that I am a little bit busy here?”

Armand’s jaw is clenched so tight that Daniel can hear the creak of bone on bone. “Now.”

“My apologies, mon frère, but someone has to ravage your fledgling, and if you’re not going to do it—”

In an instant, Lestat is flung off of the bed and into the wall at speed, the plaster buckling from the force of the impact. Daniel is grateful, suddenly, that their team sprung for a nice hotel; if this were a Motel 6, Lestat would be clean into the next room, easy.

“Guess we’re not getting our deposit back,” He says, because he can’t help himself. Because he’s never had even an ounce of self-preservation. Armand’s eyes cut to him briefly, his irises vibrating like a dragonfly’s wings, and Daniel’s stomach bottoms out. Mostly from fear.

Lestat, meanwhile, huffs a pained laugh and stands. “Well, I can see when I’m not wanted,” he says, his hands spreading in a gesture of appeasement. “Monsieur Molloy, do you mind if I borrow your room for the evening?”

Wordlessly, Daniel tosses him the key card.

“Merci, darling.” Lestat bows, then begins to take his leave. He pauses, however, as he passes by Armand, swiping two fingers through the stickiness that decorates his cheek and presenting them to the other vampire. “Parting gift?”

A muscle above Armand’s lip spasms in an aborted snarl.

“Fine then,” Lestat says with a shrug, popping the digits into his mouth instead and grinning once they’ve been sucked clean. “More for me.”

Then, he exits, closing the door soundly behind him, and Daniel and Armand are alone together for the first time since...well, since.

“So,” Daniel says, drawing out the vowel sound sarcastically as he sits up against the headboard. “The last time my dad walked in on me with a boy was a pretty long while ago—I forget, are you supposed to ground me now, or do we just pretend it didn’t happen and never bring it up again?”

Armand opens his mouth to speak, but Daniel doesn’t let him.

“Or is this more of an infidelity situation? Because I’m gonna be honest with you, Armand: I didn’t realize we were together. On account of how you fucked off immediately after turning me.”

“You’re angry with me,” Armand says, and it’s insane how quickly he melts from predator back into prey, all slumped shoulders and big, wobbly doe eyes.

“You think?”

The other vampire isn’t meeting his gaze, his own fixed somewhere on Daniel’s cheek like he can’t bear to look straight at him. “I didn’t want you to hate me. For what I did to you.”

“And you thought abandoning me to figure this shit out by myself was a good way to prevent that?” He asks, incredulous. “News flash, Amadeo: it wasn’t.”

“I’m here now,” Armand points out—hopeful, fragile, as though he’s afraid the words will shatter in his mouth if he isn’t careful.

“Yeah, and why is that?” Daniel asks, lacing it with all the righteous indignation he can muster. But despite his best efforts, he finds himself losing steam in the face of Armand’s complete and utter supplication. “Don’t tell me it’s because you’re into me.”

The other vampire finally looks at him head-on, his eyes piercing straight through to the core of Daniel. To the knot of uncomfortable, complicated feelings that sits just beneath his breast. “Is it really so difficult to believe?”

“Kind of,” He says, reflexively shifting under the weight of Armand’s stare. It’s ridiculous, he thinks, how easily the man sets him off-kilter. How easily he comes in and turns Daniel’s life upside down, as though it’s nothing to him.

Armand stalks towards him slowly, then, managing to appear at once like the nervous rabbit and the cat hunting it from the bushes. Like both the thing to be eaten and the one doing the eating, like both the consumer and the consumed. He approaches the bed until he arrives at the edge of the mattress, sitting down delicately atop it and never once looking away from Daniel as he does. His expression is painfully open; achingly earnest.

“You have no idea the things I’d like to do you,” he says, and Daniel understands why he was so cautious earlier, because the words come out cracked and fractured, the edges of them sharp enough to cut.

(Belatedly, Daniel wonders when exactly his life turned into a trashy harem romance novel. He thinks that maybe he ought to be more upset about it.)

“Hard to know when you don’t tell me,” he replies, his voice a lot rougher than it was mere moments ago. It’s humiliating, he thinks, the obviousness of his desire. The fact that he even still wants the fucker after all the shit he’s put Daniel through.

Armand slides the rest of the way onto the bed, crawling forward on his knees until his body cages Daniel’s from above. His gaze falls to Daniel’s lips. “I could tell you now, if you wanted.”

And he is simply too weak to say no to that, so instead he murmurs, “Yeah,” his hand reaching up to tangle in Armand’s hair. “That might be good.”

Armand ducks his head down to lay a kiss beneath the sensitive skin of his ear. “I want to claim you,” he whispers, before dragging his tongue over the spot his lips just brushed, “I want to make you mine.”

Daniel gasps, his fingers tightening in the silky black curls. “What else?”

“I want to taste you.” As he speaks, he grazes the tips of his fangs down until they rest at his pulse point. “I want your blood to fill my mouth; I want to stain my teeth red with the very life of you. I want to memorize how it flows over my tongue.”

“Is that all?” He means it to sound cool, nonchalant, but the attempt is belied by how each exhale grows quicker and quicker with every teasing touch.

“No.” He can feel Armand’s smile pressing into his neck. “I also want to fuck you,” he starts, his hand snaking down to palm at Daniel’s hardening cock through his underwear, “until you forget the name of every other person who has ever touched you.”

Daniel moans, hips canting into the contact; Armand rewards him by firming his grip. “Okay,” he says airily, as Armand licks a filthy line back up his throat. “I can agree to those terms.”

“Say it, then,” Armand orders, stroking his thumb over where the head of Daniel’s cock tents his boxers. “Say you’ll belong to me.”

If Daniel were any less turned on right now, if the scent of Armand wasn’t filling his nose all earthy and sweet like honeyed cloves, then maybe he could respond with something snarky. Maybe he would be able to say no. As it is, he rasps, “I’m yours, Armand,” as fervent and breathless as a desperate prayer. “I’m yours.”

Armand kisses him then, hot and raging like a wildfire. It sucks the air from his lungs and replaces it with burning smoke, lights every nerve ending in his body aflame. It consumes him, destroys him, unmakes him and reduces him to smoldering ash in the shape of the man he used to be.

What happens after that is a blur, soft and surreal like a hazy memory: Armand strips Daniel and takes him into his mouth, painting over the places Lestat kissed with his tongue until his spit is all that remains. He writes his name into Daniel’s skin like a promise, like a brand, like he plans on doing it to every inch of Daniel until he’s covered in reminders of Armand’s existence.

Then, once Armand has him reduced to a wanting, whimpering mess, he pulls Daniel into the cradle of his arms, spine to sternum, and fucks into him as though he’s trying to make a home for himself in his lover’s body. As though it isn’t enough for Armand to claim his lips or his throat or his skin; he needs to mark Daniel’s insides, too, his guts and his organs and the viscera that holds him together.

When Daniel comes, Armand’s fist wrapped around him and Armand’s cock buried deep in his ass, it is a revelation. It is an epiphany. Armand follows him shortly after, clutching him close and tight and perfect.

Daniel doesn’t think he ever intends to let go again.

After Daniel’s had enough time to recover and he can be sarcastic again, he jokes, “If I had realized that fucking Lestat would bring you back, I’d have done it a lot sooner.”

Armand looks at him with an exaggerated pout. “Hm. That’s no good.”

“What do you mean?” he asks.

Then, the other vampire is climbing back on top of him. In between kisses, he murmurs, “You still remember his name. We’ll have to remedy that.”

And, well. Daniel’s not about to argue with him.

[izziessogay]

I really didn't like how arcane ended and I wasn't going to speak on it, but I have to get it out.

personally I relate to Vi, not only as a butch lesbian, but also as an older sister and as someone who is easily taken advantage of at the promise of comfort.

jinx's death shattered me, and trust me I am familiar with tragic character deaths, this is different. she stood for something. she stood for traumatized and mentally ill people, for survivors of abuse, people with bpd and so on, she was flawed throughout the show but she was not villified (imo). they showed her experience as a real human experience that deserves compassion. killing her reinforced the belief that suicide makes suicidal people happy, it doesn't. death isn't happy, nobody was relieved by this sacrifice, and you would know that if you have ever been in a place like that, known someone or even lost someone, because of this shit. my wife deeply related to jinx, the trauma she had, the things she was battling and all that still not making her irredeemably evil. this character is supposed to show that you can struggle and be alone and miserable and that you can get better despite that, that you deserve to get another go at life, no matter your flaws. arcane did that, up until the last act. my only sister is a teenager, who every day battles with things she gets minimal support for, I live far away and often feel helpless. jinx both represents my wife and my sister to me, the people I love most in this world. her ending feels like a huge fuck you, 'haha, you thought there was hope? actually struggling teens should just kill themselves semi heroically, because we don't want to deal with their antics'. even if they are hinting at her surviving none of this changes, they killed her socially still, when she was meant to be with her community, to build herself up again, to find her family (other people have said more eloquent things about all of this, check them out).

I have more issues with the finale, but over all I think that all the story lines needed more time.

I didn't quite get what happened with Mel and what the black rose even was, but I didn't care much about her character, so maybe I missed some things, I think she turned out the best in the end.

Ekko seemed to only have one purpose, which was to save. other than that he didn't get much character development. people are praising him for being the best, but I fear that might be because he's awfully underwritten and doesn't have much about him, other than him saving the main characters. Even his alternate universe escapade didn't give us an insight on him, more on Powder. His power wasn't explained well, especially when he broke the four second mark without any consequences it seems. in general I can't pick out many flaws, which indicates a poorly written character.

I didn't mind astrally insane Victor to be the enemy of all, however Jayce's and his story took up too much of the final act for me. they didn't seem that relevant to me to be the turning axis of everything and as someone who doesn't care much about their ship I didn't get much out of that arc. it felt out of character for a show that had been about systemic oppression and family feuds and classism to have a conclusion of "imperfection is actually beautiful". that seemed redundant, all characters in the show have flaws and redeeming qualities, even someone like silco or ambessa. everybody who likes the show knows "imperfection is beautiful", it didn't feel like a satisfying conclusion for the viewer, even if victor might have had to hear it. ON TOP OF THAT we never actually got explained anything regarding Victor and his descent to evil and how the fuck that happened.

In the end nothing seemed like it had changed, Piltover is still oppressive, the only reason why they work with Zaun now is because they fought a common enemy once. Sevika (my beloved) gets looked down on in the council and as the only Undercity-member it's impossible for her to overturn a vote in Zauns favour. Cait is still a cop, not having changed anything about herself, Vi has nobody besides her, no family. Mel seems unhappy, Ekko is definitely unhappy and in a worse spot than before. I frankly don't care what happened to Jayce and Viktor, but their ending is the only one that would keep me on my toes for more. Which brings me to a hot take, possibly: I think we might have been queerbaited, hear me out. We got lesbians (which I am eternally grateful for), but thes were a thing since early season 1, after season one people started talking about Jayvik, which wasn't supposed to happen originally, but since it brought engagement they made their relationship a bigger part of the story. Possibly also the reason why Vi and Caits relationship seemed rather rushed and inorganic at the end. you can disagree with me on this.

Lastly I have to talk about Vi, a character that I couldn't relate to for most of season two, because it's been a while since I had to deal with situationships and breakups. All that made me overlook what Vi really stands for. She might seem hard and tough, but mostly she is looking for comfort, she loses people close to her constantly and is therefore constantly in search of another safe space. A safe space that is never really provided. Cait doesn't understand her trauma, her upbringing, her culture or her family, and she never bothers to understand it. She never shows remorse to what she did in the undercity, she never questions Piltover (only ambessa, an outsider). She never sees Jinx as someone who deserves redemption, she never sees why Vi is struggling, she never makes an effort to care about her past and her experiences. You might wonder why Vi still is with her, but it's honestly obvious enough, it's because she doesn't have anyone else left. Cait at least loves her for her personality or her looks or whatever, and that's more than anybody else loves her. I hated that they put her back with Cait in Piltover, it seems very abusive to me, considering what we know of Cait (she might be different now, but we never get to see any of that, so I'm assuming freely). Vi will take anything and everything to make herself get some comfort, however toxic that behaviour may be. I see that as the reason why she folds so easily whenever Cait shows interest and forgives immediately. She didn't find well deserved peace in the end with Jinx (and Cait), she got "good enough for now". Nothing was addressed, nothing changed. AND JUST TO CLARIFY I AM HAPPY ABOUT THE LESBIAN REPRESENTATION AND I AM VERY GLAD WE GOT IT, OVERALL I THINK THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS VERY INTERESTING TO WATCH. JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE SHOW I DIDN'T LIKE THE END.

For a show that was about the people, we got horrifyingly little people focused resolutions. The last burial we see was Rictus, but dozens of people die after him. We didn't talk about Isha, we didn't talk about Jinx, Ekko wasnt even allowed to get a word in after he deus ex machina saved everything. Sevika didn't get any conclusion. Mel seems on the same path as her mother. Jayce and Viktor are to my knowledge still astral projecting through space. Cait never learned compassion with Zaunites. Vander couldn't be saved. An unsatisfying end.

Tldr:

- Jinx's death was bad, mentally ill people should be saved and their illness shouldn't be glorified over them

- none of the story lines seem finished and rushed to an end

- Viktor and Jayce's story felt overpowering and took away from a story about oppression and sisterhood

- in the end nothing changed

- my butch dyke/older sister heart that can be manipulated quite easily too hurts for Vi

- I didn't like it 🍅🍅🍅

[fluffydeoxys]

Miette??? Miette?!?!

You got the cool fella Zero, then Rory, and NOW MIETTE?! /vpos

Honestly it's really fun to see how much one can stretch a madcom character, because I've made ocs of all strange kinds. Even better to see others doing something similar too!

(in case that isn't clear enough, I really LOVE Miette's design. And THE BUNNY EARS!!! RAAHHFFHGHFH)

Hehe, thank you so much! I’m deeply flattered.

Yeah, Miette definitely feels like quite the stretch, putting her together was like is this even Madcom? But hey, it still works in the style at least.

She’s meant to look like she doesn’t fit in regardless, being an individual from another world. In addition, one who is under the guidance of the Playwright, who is either an Employer, or some other indescribable entity who resembles an Employer’s shape.

To me Madness Combat has a lot of subtle elements that are fun to play with. The idea of charters (and the S3LF) and that code resides in almost every being is one of them (an Experiment is a great example of this, especially with how it indicated that rules govern this world. And that, if these rules are broken, things go VERY wrong). The other is the idea of a ‘story’, which is sort of loosely represented by the Machine. Clearly Hank needs to be in play for things to happen, so…

Not to mention the impact and meaning of endless bloodshed and how fundamentally ‘mad’ Nevada is.

Funnily, these are all things I’ve been churning over narratively for Zero. Am I perhaps looking too deeply into it and creating themes that aren’t there? Maybe. But I like to explore the narrative, and many of my character concepts come from that.

Though I would love to make simpler, more down to earth fellas as well, because the strange is strange when it’s contrasted with the “normal.” If everyone has crazy power, then it’s not all that interesting, heheh.

Partly why Rory was so fun to make for this exact reason. Admittedly yeah something crazy happened to him, but it didn’t give him insane powers. I’d love to make more agent characters (or any faction, really) that are more in line with his ‘smaller scale’.

Longass ramble aside, thank you so much for saying that! I love talking about these things and voicing my thoughts, I have no idea how to structure my inner ramblings and thus I don’t end up talking much on my own tumblr LOL.

The ears were originally a joke, but it felt quite appropriate. It’s still a joke how long they are and they still fit in the hat, but it’s like she’s a little lost rabbit in the mad world. The Playwright loves to grab her by the ears and shake her.

[xoxoavenger]

Hi!! Can you please write Jack Thompson x female reader? Reader is a black widow who switched sides during the war and continues working with the SSR but Jack doesn’t know her history so he doesn’t take her seriously as an agent and treats her like a secretary. Then one day a group who they’re investigating breaks into the SSR office bc they need information so they take everyone hostage to get it. They are threatening all the agents then start threatening reader which causes Jack to get angry and protective. But then reader fights off all the enemy group and capture them. Jack and the rest of the office are super shocked, then you can decide how the story goes from there. Thank you!!!

ahhh I loved this one! thanks for requesting!

Handle

pairing: Jack Thompson x Fem!Reader

word count: 2887

warnings: canon typical violence

12 Days of Christmas masterlist main masterlist

Sometimes, Y/N wishes she could live in one day.

The day she would pick would be the singular day she had in New York after escaping the Red Room, where she toured the city and for the first time in her life felt like a normal human. She had gone to a play, gotten a coffee, sat in Central Park and watched people taking their dogs for a walk. It was the best day of her life, no question about it.

"L/N! Here's the paperwork from the most recent closed case, it needs to be filed. Also, I think I'm feeling sandwiches for lunch, if you could get that started." Jack Thompson's grating voice reaches her ears, and Y/N has to close her eyes and take a deep breath to avoid grabbing his arm and dislocating it. He drops the folders on her desk, and she stares at her desk as she tries to rearrange her face into one that won't get her written up.

"Thompson," She blows out the breath, and then turns to him. "For the final time, I am not a secretary. If you would like someone to get you lunch and file your papers, perhaps you should ask an actual secretary, or even a lower ranking agent. But I have work to do, so get your own lunch and file your own papers." She picks up the folders and pushes them against his chest, and he narrows his eyes.

"I was unaware there were lower ranking agents." He tells her, and all she can do is blink at him.

"Perhaps you should learn more about the company you work for then." She simply says, then goes back to the work she was doing. She wishes she could do field work, but part of the deal she made with the SSR when they got her the job was that there would be no field work for her. She was not to give any indication at all that she was once a Black Widow, and being insanely well trained in combat would be a dead giveaway. Her file officially says she had an injury years ago that impacts her mobility.

"I want to applause." Peggy says from her desk, which of course is right next to Y/N's. Y/N is secretly jealous of the only other female in the office, because even though it's not often, she can at least go on field missions. Peggy is able to push and fight for herself, where Y/N has to pick and chose her battles even more than regular women.

Plus, Y/N knows Peggy has kissed Captain America, and Y/N would give anything to have done that.

"I'm sure that would just make steam come out of his ears." She tells her roomate; of course, the SSR had put the only two women in the same complex. Y/N didn't mind; it was nice to have one friend, and Peggy was a great one.

"I would pay to see that." Peggy tells her, making Y/N chuckle lightly.

"Are you girls going to jabber all day, or are you going to actually get to work?" Jack asks from across the office. Seems he's still peeved about what Y/N said. She breathes deeply once more, knowing she can't say anything back. This is how her life has to be, because of her past that she didn't even chose.

"Well, Jack, if you wanted to join that bad, you can just say." Peggy says back, and Y/N smiles. The two look at each other and share a soft look before getting back to work.

Y/N can't help the small voice in the back of her head that hopes something fun happens in the office, just so she doesn't die of boredom.

~

Despite knowing the voice was there, she never actually wanted this to happen. She almost feels responsible when it does, frowning at the agents who are actually high clearance secretaries.

It had been a normal day. Y/N and Peggy had gotten up and gotten ready, Y/N making breakfast that morning for the two of them. They walked to the office together, and sat at their desks as if it were a normal day.

And then the mafia that the office had been investigating broke into the office, guns held up. Y/N's eyes widened, and her heart started to race; not with fear, but with adrenaline of knowing what to do. She had been waiting for this.

"Nobody move." The man in the front said into the silence. Everyone was frozen, and Y/N was trying to wipe the smile off her face. She would wait for the right time, obviously, but she knew a lot about this mafia. She was sure they wouldn't actually kill any of the agents - they didn't want to draw that kind of attention to themselves. They were here for their files. They wanted to scare the SSR into not investigating them.

"Follow me," One of the men on the side said with a smirk.

"Anyone tries anything funny, you're getting a bullet." The main guy said. Y/N looked over at Peggy as they stood. Peggy looked a little worried, but not as much as some of the agents, who were close to soiling their pants.

"We have to do something." Peggy whispers as everyone files out of the desks and starts to walk down the hallway.

"I have a plan." Y/N tells her softly, walking into the interrogation room.

"You do?" Peggy basically mouths it, not wanting it to be heard over the squeaks of shoes.

"The beginnings of one." Y/N said quietly as she smirks and sits.

"No talking." The man points his gun at Y/N, and she briefly grapples with looking scared before she just decides on a neutral face. She knows they won't shoot her, at least not in a fatal place, and she's taken bullets before. The leader takes Chief Dooley, leaving the rest of the office in the interrogation room with only two guys. The rest were in the halls and looking for other files that they would be destroying. Y/N was waiting for this; she could take these guys, then work her way to the main office. Once she got one of their guns, it wouldn't be too difficult. She just needed to make sure that none of her coworkers got hurt.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Jack grabs her arm as she shifts to stand, and she can't help but turn and give him a murderous look. She hadn't even realized he was right next to her.

"Trying to save our asses!" She whispers, shaking off his arm.

"What's so interesting over here?" One of the men asks, swiping their gun across to where Jack and Y/N are sitting. Neither of them speak, and Y/N tries to sit back down without making it too obvious that she was about to overtake them.

"Nothing." Jack says quietly, hands out placatingly.

"Seems like something, since you two can't shut the fuck up." The man cocked his head, and Y/N grit her teeth. She knew she'd have to catch them off guard, and she couldn't risk Jack trying to grab her. "You have such a pretty mouth. Too bad you don't know how to use it." He kneels down, and she just blinks at him.

This clearly upsets him.

"Ya know," He grabs her face, and she tries not to flinch. "You could put that mouth to good use. I could teach you." He's smirking, and she resists the urge to roll her eyes. If she can just hold out, she can get rid of him in a few short minutes.

"It was my fault." Jack says, and this causes' Y/N's eyes to widen. She can't turn to look at him due to the hand on her chin, but she wants to hit him. Why is he talking right now?

"I don't think I asked you." The man growls, tilting his head but not letting go of Y/N's chin. His grip does loosen slightly, but Y/N needs to see where the other man is before she starts her plan.

"If you're gonna punish anyone, you should punish me." Jack starts to stand, sticking his neck out - literally - and moving toward Y/N and the man in front of her.

"Okay, tough guy," The man lets go of her, and she's confused for a moment at why Jack is doing this for her. He's protecting her. "You wanna take the blame?" He doesn't look like he's just going to grab Jack's jaw.

"What are you doing?" Y/N whispers, heart dropping. She has to do something, because the mobster is grabbing for his gun. She doesn't have time to make sure the other one doesn't have his out, or plan the best attack, because all she sees now is Jack being shot by this man when she could have prevented it.

Y/N shoots up, kicking the man's gun out of his hand before he knows what's going on and using the inertia to punch him in the face - hard. The other one turns, and she doesn't get to him before he fires his gun; luckily, she hits his arm with her own forearm to point it toward the ground, before she kicks her leg up and uses the momentum to flip herself, and consequently the mobster, over. Knee to his throat, she uses all of her might to bring down her elbow on his forehead, ricochetting his head against the concrete floor. The other mobster has gotten over his initial shock and comes at her, but she grabs his arm before he can hit her and dodges the immediate next punch. She twists his arm behind his back, a heeled foot kicking him to the ground. She puts all her weight on that foot while she grabs the heel off her other shoe, then uses the flat toe bottom to knock him once, twice, three times, until he finally closes his eyes again.

She's breathing a little heavily, not having done that in awhile, but she's barely breaking a sweat as she steps off the man's back and slips her other heel back on. They're not the easiest thing to fight in, but she's fought in worse and it's better than being barefoot.

"What the fuck was that?" Jack breaks the silence in the room, and Y/N turns to see him and Peggy sitting wide eyed.

"Extra training." She says simply, going to the door. "You guys need to stay here. I'll come back when it's clear." She tells them all, and Jack stands quickly.

"By yourself? What are you thinking?" He walks over to her, and she blinks at him.

"I'm sorry, did you not see what I just did? I took those two men down by myself." She tells him, crossing her arms.

"There are at least five more out there. Let me help you." Jack grabs both of the guns on the ground, handing one to Y/N. She stares at it, because she had totally forgotten about grabbing it and she knows she needs it if she's going to face the others, with or without Jack.

"Fine." She grabs the gun, looking up at him. "But you follow me. Not the other way around. Got it, Thompson?" She asks, and to her surprise he nods. She blinks, then nods to herself. Before she can turn, Peggy is getting up and running over, pulling a gun out of her handbag.

"You didn't think you'd do this without me, did you?" She smirked, and Y/N smiled. These guys wouldn't know what hit them.

That ended up being more true than Y/N thought. With three of them, they took care of the hallway men (usually without using their guns so there wasn't attention drawn to them) but one unfortunate soul got shot in the leg by Peggy before he was knocked out by Y/N. By the time they got to the main man who was having Chief Dooley grab every file on the mob from their cabinets, everyone else had been taken care of.

"Put the gun down." Y/N ordered, gun up as she entered the bullpen. Peggy and Jack were on both sides of her, guns up as well. The mobster didn't look too nervous, however, and Y/N just couldn't have this. "You think I'm joking?" She asked, aiming just slightly to the left. The bullet went into the wall next to his head, and she was sure he could hear the air as it wizzed past him. "Put it down." She trained her gun back on his head, and he looked much more scared now. Good.

"You're going to regret this." He said with a low chuckle, and Y/N just smiled.

"I don't think we are." She answered, gun never leaving his head. "Chief Dooley, why don't you make a call for us."

~

"How do you really know how to do that?" Jack asked. They were at a low-key bar downtown, Jack's treat for her saving everyone's asses. When he had asked her for just one drink after everything was cleaned up, she couldn't resist. She knew Jack was a point of annoyance in her days, but she wanted to know why he treated her like that, and if he would continue treating her like that after this.

"I had a life before the SSR." She tells him with a small smirk, taking a sip of her drink. She had gone home and changed into a warmer dress and flats, but it seems Jack hadn't gone home; he still had his work briefcase when he met Y/N outside.

"Right," He gave a chuckle, and with all Y/N's training, she knew what he was about to say suddenly.

"You know," She whispers, heart dropping. She didn't want to leave this life, leave this city and Peggy and all the other friends she had made. He hadn't gone home because he had been researching her, somehow getting clearance for her files.

"That you were a Black Widow?" He says it quietly and nonchalantly, and she wondered what game he was playing at. "I didn't think the Red Room was even real." He tells her, and she suddenly wants to hit him.

"Is that why you asked me here? To tell me you know all about my past so I'll have to move?" She asks, pushing her drink away so she doesn't pour it on him.

"What?" He looks genuinely surprised at this, and she tries not to let shock overtake her. "No, I'm not going to tell anyone. Why would I want you to leave?" The way he asks the question makes her angry, even though she knows it shouldn't.

"You treat me like a secretary." It takes everything in her to not yell it at him. "It's clear you don't respect me."

"I'm sorry," He says honestly, and she can't believe he actually just apologized to her. "I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I just - I treated you like that because I didn't want you getting hurt. I didn't know that you wouldn't be able to go on field missions, and I thought that I could somehow keep that from happening if you were always busy. It was a stupid plan, I know, which is why I'm so sorry,"

"Why would you care?" She cuts him off, confused by everything he's said.

"I thought it was obvious," He gives her a smile, one that doesn't quite meet his eyes due to his nervousness. "I care for you. A lot. More than I should." He admits, and she lets her jaw drop at this.

"Jack," It's all she can think of to say.

"I know, I was an idiot. Even more so, seeing how capable you are of defending yourself. But I've lost a lot in this life, and I just couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Even if you weren't mine." He says it so softly, it mends something Y/N didn't even know what broken in her heart. "This was stupid. I'm stupid. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to move, I'll get a transfer." Jack has already grabbed his jacket and briefcase before words return to her.

"Jack!" She calls when he's already across the bar. He stops and turns, and she runs over to him, heart racing. "You're not stupid. You didn't have a great plan, but that doesn't make you stupid. And I certainly don't want you to leave." She tells him, and now it's his turn to blink in silence as the words clatter around in his brain. "It's sweet that you care. And I don't want you to transfer. If you leave, how would we be able to see where this goes?" She asks quietly, putting on of her hands on his arm and keeping her eyes there. For some reason, even though he already laid his heart bare, she's scared of what he's thinking. But then he grabs her chin, much gentler than the mobster, and tilts it towards him. A shiver runs through her at all the emotion pouring out of his eyes.

"I'm going to kiss you now." He tells her, and she just nods, closing her eyes and letting Jack Thompson kiss her in the middle of this bar.

It's the best kiss she's ever had. 

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187  @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @thefandomplace @mcueveryday @icequeen1371 @kenzi-woycehoski @multifandom-boss-bitch

[veliseraptor]

I have some Thoughts about xue yang (surprise!) and specifically the possibility that he didn't get picked up by the jin because he was already deeply steeped in demonic cultivation but because, if you're looking for someone to do unethical demonic cultivation experiments for you, it makes sense to choose someone (a) of questionable morals, (b) without previous ties to anyone else and (c) who is expendable and disposable if anything goes wrong.

the information we have about xue yang's life, stripped of interpretation, between chang incident and the villainous friends extra is as follows (all quotes either from the ExR or FanYiYi translations):

as a teenager, he gained a reputation in Kuizhou for being "inhumane" and "merciless" (and having a "radiant smile" but that's not pertinent at the moment)

the jin invited him to become a guest disciple

he was one of many demonic cultivators that jin guangshan gathered (and the best)

he was able to restore the yin tiger seal* for the jin sect

he was recommended by jin guangyao

so the presumption I think is generally that he was doing demonic cultivation prior to his being brought on by the jin sect, since he's described as one of the people who "imitated wei wuxian in cultivating the demonic path" that jin guangshan acquires, which would suggest the typical interpretation. however, I wonder if it's a little of both: hire on an aggressive young man with a bad reputation who's done a bit of dabbling and encourage that focus.

and it's not so much that I'm saying that, like, xue yang wouldn't do demonic cultivation without encouragement (I think he would) or that he was resistant to the idea (I think he was thrilled, we see his reaction to getting a few of wwx's notes), but I just do have thoughts about how it's not even just that xue yang is expendable in the long run in terms of I think the expectation being that as soon as he wasn't an asset anymore he could be safely (and advantageously) purged**. it's also that even as an asset he's still disposable, because if he can't handle the demonic cultivation he's doing and dies or goes insane (and dies), well. no big loss.

and then thinking about how I am absolutely sure xue yang is aware of this. and again: it's not like xue yang agrees with the general assessment of what he's worth. but I don't think he's completely unaffected by knowing he's the only one who doesn't agree with it, either.***

*on rereading, really wondering how much this was public knowledge and if so how it became that way! lan wangji treats it like something that's a known connection but it sort of surprises me that jin guangshan would be down with it being public knowledge that he's fucking around with wei wuxian's evil weapon.

**regardless of what you think about jin guangyao's actually intending to kill xue yang vs. letting him go and someone else getting to him, I very much doubt jin guangshan was planning on keeping him around for the long haul.

***the determination to value oneself highly in the face of a world that continually indicates that you're worthless is a thing I think about a lot when it comes to xue yang.

[yurisorcerer]

It is so insane that this young genre has already produced so many absolute fucking slaps. I want to talk about the whole thing, because MyGO's whole story is legitimately great and I love it in its own right, but I'm sorry, my entire brain has been rearranged by the last episode of the show and I need to talk about *that* for a minute. What was *that?* Who the fuck ends a show like that?

I'm not upset! Quite the contrary, that's got to be one of the craziest finales I've ever seen. Sakiko and her new band Ave Mujica essentially crash the anime, as the last episode of MyGO is much more about their first concert than it is anything to do with the title band themselves, but who could possibly complain? Sakiko, my beloved, there is so much wrong with you. You need to be studied, but also given a very large hug, but also, a hug might risk making you less unhinged, which would be a net loss for art in the world. Such dilemmas, such paradoxes! Sakiko joins a long lineage here, of masked musicians with something deeply, deeply wrong with them. Step up here little anime girl, take your place next to the Phantom of the Opera and MF DOOM, you clearly deserve it.

I so deeply want to know how the people writing this got the go-ahead to end it this way. It kind of undercuts the rest of the show? Like, not directly, but we had all those big emotional moments a few episodes back and those moments were great and real and very cathartic but FUCKING SURPRISE the entire time the girl you probably just assumed was bitchy has had this awful home life that has inspired her to do....this. What do you even call this? Goth rock theater shit wedged into an anime that gave zero indications it would ever go there. I *kind* of knew about the Ave Mujica thing ahead of time but no amount of hearing about it prepares you for seeing it. What the fuck dude, I'm speechless.

EDIT: More than one person has already taken some umbrage with my use of the term "undercut," so I want to clarify that I think this is a positive. It's a kind of jerking you out of being focused on just MyGO specifically into caring about this other story being threaded through the entire show and thus implicitly the entire setting. I am definitely not criticizing the show here, just kind of in awe that they were allowed to do this lol.

[aissa-snapped]

The Heathen and The Christian final part

Summary: Ivar finally finds out what happened to his servant, and more exactly WHO did it. But when he finds out it`s his own brother, how will he react?

A/N I apologise deeply for the wait. I simply wasn``t in the mood for writing and I finally got some inspo to do so. I hope all are still interested in this. Anyway thx for the comments, those really made me wanna write more. I love you all.

@kens0world0of0imagine0nation there you go :))

Days have passed. Frigyth was still fearful of stepping out of her and Ivars chamber, but did it carefully whenever she had to. The king was struggling to squeeze any information out of her in order for him to punish the doer of his slaves traumatic experience.

The redhead however was still afraid of the consequences that might follow in case her master was to find out she had been meeting with his brother behind his back after specifically telling her not to do it, which by extension led to the unfortunate consequence.

Ivar, sitting angrily in his throne, overlooked the great hall, giving him the opportunity to scan over anyone who was sitting in there. He could only guess who did it, since he had no clue whatsoever. Glaring at the mass of people in the hall, he tried observing their behavior. Any clues as to who might have been brave enough to come after his beloved slave right under his nose. Any abnormal behavior, that could hint towards the rapist.

As much as he tried, he simply failed. He could`ve easily held a trial and hang all accused men, but he wished for a grander finale. He wanted to torture them to insanity, not just kill them off.

Ivar allowed Frigyth to stay within their chambers, for her safety, hopefully waiting for her to open up to him and tell her.

Days passed, and then weeks, and Frigyth seemed to be overcoming the past trauma, or so she wanted to lead on. Ivar was still pestering her about the subject, giving up each time after the girl simply changed the subject.

Hvitserk was scared the first few days, assuming the stupid girl surely must have run straight to Ivar to tell him, but to his amazement, she never did. That gave him some hope, knowing he was safe from Ivar`s wrath, or, at least for a lingering moment.

Frigyth, though she tried masking her fears related to men whenever Ivar was being close to her, could only do so much. Ivar, of course noticed how she flinched each time he was inches away from her, or when someone would raise their voice. This observation led him to an idea: maybe he could notice her behavior around certain men, and surely, if the rapist was around her, her body would give her away and expose the monster.

'' HVITSERK. Come. I am in need of your help.'' He called upon his brother one morning, urging him to approach the throne.

Curiosity linked with a hint of hidden fear engulfed Hvitserk, but nevertheless, he joined his brother`s side, wondering what sort of crazy idea he has come up with now, and knowing him, there could be many.

''How may I help you?'' He crossed his arms, rubbing on his grown beard.

Ivar shook his head annoyed, and motioned with his fingers for him to get close to his face, indicating this was not a matter he wished to be overheard by the other townies.

When Hvitserk was barely a few inches away from Ivar, the youngest brother whispered in his ear: '' I want to find out who raped my girl, and then punish him with everything that Ive got.'' And with that, he pulled away from his ear and rested back again on the throne, smirking at his brothers almost terrified expression.

His heart was pumping blood all throughout his body as if preparing for a race, causing Hvitserk`s cheeks and ears to catch a violent red color.

A few moments passed, silence filling the air between the brothers, and then after a long debate that took place in Hvitserk`s mind, trying to conjure a non-suspicious response, he gulped lightly and furrowed his brows, maintaining eye contact with the intense pair of deep blue eyes of his leader.

'' And how are you going to do that?'' He questioned curiously.

Ivar chuckled, shaking his head at his silly question.

'' Well you see… That…Hvitty… Is for me to know only.''

Hvitserk nodded his head, accidentally letting a look of fear cover his eyes, which didn`t go unnoticed by the hypervigilent and smart Ivar.

'' Ástin mín. Come on It`s alright. I just want you to come in contact with other people. You have been hiding in here as if some disease was spreading around town.'' Ivar gently dragged Frigyth out of their shared room, intending to find out the evil person once and for all. (My love)

His plan was coming into action, seeing as he had gathered most of the towns men inside the longhouse under the pretext that they were to feast that night.

Reluctantly, the spooked girl took a seat next to Ivar`s throne, where someone had previously placed a wooden chair for her to sit on under the order of Ivar.

With prey like eyes, the Anglo-Saxon girl scanned the full room, sensing an overwhelming feeling resting in her gut, at the sight of all those people. Crowded places were never her favorite thing. Ivar himself sat on the throne, with his right hand resting on the shaky knee of his servant.

The Ragnarsson was working on the plan, however now that he had gathered all these people here, with the girl as well, he only just realized he had never thought of the next step of the plan, and now he had to improvise.

Knowing that everyone was awaiting his orders to allow the feast to fully take place, he stood up, proud and tall above all men, with a horned cup in his left hand, giving an encouraging speech to the villagers, telling his future plans for raiding England, hyping up every viking and shield-maiden.

The feast was at its peak, the sight of drunken falling and stumbling men being everywhere. Ivar himself was feeling a bit tipsy, but he refrained himself from getting wasted remembering his intentions. '' Maybe now is the right time.'' thought Ivar, wondering if their intoxicated state would make men more vulnerable and honest.

Eyeing the room, he saw some familiar faces, including Hvitserk, gulping down cup after cup full of mead. Frigyth was constantly shifting in her seat, not only because of the hungry stares she would get from men, but also because she hadn`t moved from her seat in almost two hours, feeling her butt getting numb from all that sitting.

'' Are you alright my love?'' Asked a concerned Ivar, noticing the uncomfortable state she was in.

'' Ye- yes. I am. Just tired.'' She smiled tiredly at him, hoping he would let her go to sleep.

Cupping her chin with his right hand, he moved closer to her face, his breathing tickling her face. '' Just a bit longer and then we`ll go to sleep. I need you here with me.'' He explained softly. Nodding in understatement, she huffed slightly, and put on a fake smile.

Ivar didn`t know where to start, or how to approach the situation. There were so many people here, and there was also the chance that the culprit might not even be present.

But it seemed as if the God's were working in Ivar`s favor, since Hvitserk seemed to be more wasted than ever, and when he approached the two, he unknowingly was about to experience his downfall.

With his mind intoxicated, his vision blurry, he lost all his senses, unaware of his actions, which he would later on regret. He climbed the platform clumsily, on which the throne was placed, and drunkenly got closer to Frigyth. Ivar furrowed his eyebrows in suspicion and disapproval at his gesture, his hand on his dagger ready to take it out if needed, but what happened next shocked him beyond repair.

Hvitserk almost launched at the girl, who seemed to be going in for a kiss. Frigyth squirmed in her seat, and for the first time during the night she got up from it, rushing over to the other side of Ivar`s throne, instinctively seeking his protection.

The cripples heart fluttered at the gesture, feeling honored she was feeling safe around him, but quickly regained his thoughts, focusing on his brother instead. It was the more terrying face Frigyth had ever seen. Ivars eyebrows were creased to its limits, mouth tightly shut, and the eyes seemed to be the biggest give away for what he was feeling. Rage, pure rage was seeping from his normally deep blue eyes.

Ivar exhaled sharply, sort of like a bull ready to attack, and grabbed the frightened girl`s hand in reassurance. He kissed the top of her rather soft hand and ushered her to go back to their shared chamber.

By the time she left, the great hall was silent, everybody fearing Ivar`s next moves. Hvitserk seemed to be sobering up quicker than ever, slowly backing away from his dangerous brother, stepping backwards down the steps and into the crowd.

Ivar`s face showed a thousand different levels of anger, growing stronger and stronger by the second. It was obvious this much that nothing good would come of this.

Using his incredible force from his arms, he used the crutch to lift his body up, now fully towering over Hvitserk, and took slow, steady steps towards him, who was moving backwards as far away from the youngest brother as possible. '' You-you think I wouldn`t find out huh?'' He gave a dark chuckle, continuing his way towards him. '' That you can have MY servant as your whore? Hm? YOU REALLY THINK THAT?! '' Ivar was raising his voice with each word.

'' I am going to TORTUER YOU! FOR WHAT YOU`VE DONE TO HER!''

Hvitserk was at the end of the hall, right up against the doors, no escaping. There was no point in running. He had been caught. ''Ivar--''

'' DO NOT SPEAK. YOU BROTHER, HAVE CHOSEN YOUR FATE. THE MOMENT YOU DECIDED TO LAY A HAND ON HER. AND IN THE NAME OF THE GODS, I MUST PUNISH YOU.''

Ivar was making sure everyone understood the situation, him not wanting to personally explain the whole thing to the people. But by the looks of all, it seemed they all understood what had happened.

Hvitserk looked mortified, his life flashing before his eyes, knowing there was no escaping Ivar`s wrath.

Frigyth had been sent to their chamber, but that didn`t stop her from hearing everything that was said, or more like yelled, by Ivar. When he returned to their room, she was scared he would yell at her, but to her amazement, she was engulfed in a hug, and during the whole night, he had an arm wrapped around her torso, which made her feel physically and emotionally warm.

Hvitserk had been captured and thrown into a temporary prison, for Ivar wanted to make sure he would not escape the following morning`s events.

Ivar felt rape should be punished with the worst and most painful of all: The blood eagle. And so the next morning, Ivar showed up in the center of Kattegat, accompanied by his Escort guards and the other curious folk, and brought out Hvitserk for his torture.

Frigyth had tried talking Ivar out of doing it, suggesting he`d exile him, but he said nothing would bring him more pain than this. At the failed persuasion, the Saxon asked Ivar to let her stay inside, for she could not bare watch such barbaric acts.

Around noon, Ivar was one brother short, but half of his heart mended, knowing he did the right thing. Hvitserk`s body had been left hanging in the middle of the village, with blood still dripping on the muddy ground. It was a morbid scene to say the least, but as more than half of the townsfolk were used to going on raids, nothing unusual.

Frigyth was in her room, quietly crying. Why, she didn`t know. She felt bad. Because she met up with him. Because it happened and Ivar was forced to kill his brother. It was weird. Though she was the victim here, she felt guilty for his death. Maybe it was some sort of twisted game the God's were playing with her. Maybe that God that loved to play games, what was his name… Loki? Maybe he drilled his way into her head, making her think she should feel bad.

Ivar entered the chamber, with the purpose of checking up on her. When he saw her crouched down in a corner, he immediately went behind her, placing his hands over her shoulders, rubbing up and down. Kissing her temple, he put his head on her right shoulder, trying to be as close to her as possible.

'' Why are you crying love?'' He asked quietly. Sniffing, she slightly turned her head in his direction, taking a shaky breath in, preparing to talk. '' B-because… I dont know. You killed your brother...because of a servant. It was my fault. I shouldve never met up with him.''

'' You were the victim. He should`VE known better. He deserved it. You think he would have stopped?! He could have done it again, had he not been caught.''

''Yeah but… I don`t know… I am not used to people killing each other like this… and especially not because of me…'' She sighed sadly, another tear falling down her cheeks.

Ivar used his thumb to wipe it away, and then grabbed her chin softly, turning her face towards him fully now.

'' You… Are not at fault. You didnt know what could happen. I locked you in here. You maybe wanted to..have someone who would properly care for you. And then he betrayed your trust. I shouldve looked out for you more…'' He trailed off, looking into the distance, trying to blink away the tears that were making his eyes glossy.

Without hesitation, Frigyth turned her body, now both of them being almost chest to chest, and she climbed into his lap, hugging him.

It was such a new form of affection, Ivar had not experienced before. Startled for a few seconds, he just stood with his arms out, processing what was happening, but then he quickly wrapped them around her whole body, feeling her delicate figure, and enjoying the warmth that was radiating off of her.

A few minutes had passed, and she was the one to pull away. She kept her hands on his shoulders, whilst his were resting on her waist. Both staring deeply into eachother`s eyes, Frigyth realised this man was capable of loving, he just needed guidance.

'' Ivar, you deserve to be loved. You deserve to have someone be by your side, not out of fear but rather because of support. ''

Ivar was truly touched by these words. He had never heard them before, and there was this fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach, not the kind he`d get when he would murder someone, but rather something that made him melt, become soft and drop his angry facade.

The Viking got closer to her, their lips berely inches apart. '' Will you show me, love?' He whispered, glancing at her lips ever so often. Frigyth nodded slowly, right before Ivar gave her the most passionate kiss that made her feel like she was in heaven. The simple kiss turned into one with tongues interlocking, wrestling one another, and eventually they both pulled away, breathing heavily.

Frigyth blushed, feeling overwhelmed by the love she was feeling. Ivar however, allowed her a few deep breaths, before pulling her into him again and kissing her a second time.

It felt like hours before they pulled away again, and without hesitation, Ivar bravely asked the girl.

'' Will you be my woman, my equal partner, the one whom I share my success and failures with? Say yes and you will be more than a free woman. You will be the Queen of the most feared Viking.'' He asked, interlocking their fingers, squeezing her hands.

Frigyth laughed melodically, nodding her head vigorously, and engulfing her future husband into a strong gripped hug.

[raw-law]

My turn to be a tad bit late.. Missed me, gentlemen? I was a bit busy these past days.

Trust me, I certaintly don't mind handing out criticism if necessary in the past as well as in the future. Avoiding offense at all cost is something implemented in today's society so deeply that it really reinforces people pleaser nature and makes it so hard to find people big enough to go out of their way to understand someone else, especially someone they're not close with/they don't have to keep up harmony with. To limit out of false pride is embarrassing. However.. Being asked for it is certaintly rare. You two are something, you know? Yes.. Yes. Mhm. I understand Misa in a way, I do. The shadow of such a polite, well behaved individual must be intriguing. I must say, Light, for someone constantly performing, you're doing spectacular. Though I do admit I would like to see you slip up once in a while and reveal more of Kira, I think that'd be amusing for both me AND Ryuzaki. Keyword Ryuzaki.. keyword criticism.. Isn't it a shame, Light? Not only certain statements or your.. homoerotic poem, your entire joint blog indicates the significance of your friendship and yet your friend is new to indulging in the note of his brilliance? That doesn't sound coextensive. With analytical skills of your kind, there's no doubt you see him the way I am capable of seeing him. And others do.. No wonder he's seeking a lovely lady. Maybe you should make your friends feel a little more cherished, Light. Right, Ryuzaki? Unfortunately I can't serve with the adoration of a sweet lady, because I'm male. However as you may have noticed I'm well versed in capacity if you don't mind the masculinity.. ahem... Anyways.. Books. Words. Literature. I'm just fucking with you btw. Partly, that is. Light, those are exceptional choices. I only recently got into literature so I'm starting off with classics like Kafka, Wilde, Shakespeare etc. (though the latter is more poems which I do enjoy to read and analyze just as much) - So Light, you were quite helpful and I actually started reading Someone Who Will Love You In All Your Damaged Glory based on your recommendation because that spoke to me the most. I'm certainly liking it and I'll keep you updated. From what I have taken out of your poems, your writing style is similar to mine as well. That was a pleasant surprise. We also have the same mbti, at least based on your latest result. Anyway, Ryuzaki.. I can heavily relate. I'm an insanely fast reader and yet I'm pretty slow with reading, if that makes sense. I'm just very easily.. understimulated? I guess. English is not my native language, hahaha. So yes, scanning through word after word without being able to shift your attention comes heavy to me too. Some books and poems are absolutely worth it though. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie is an adorable choice. Not everything has to be particularly sophisticated, I feel like when you live in your head a lot (which I do, because I'm never not analyzing and observing) - it is relieving to read/watch something that isn't mentally demanding because it has zero chances of overwhelming us. I have many interests and hobbies, and when I say many I sincerely mean it, so if I used full capacity of my brain power for every single one of them I would have none left for social interaction. I do have to thank you two for the motivation to start writing poems again, btw. I will send it your way if you're interested + if it's any good.. How did you two get into poetry?

Also.. Happy belated birthday to Ryuzaki. Please keep on being your twisted, charming self. I'm also honored to know you'd let me participate in an anon debate. Maybe not a good idea though. I don't like to be careful or sensitive with my opinions and debates. Are you some kind of sadist? You couldn't possibly want that.

-🩶

L:

honestly, yes. what can i say, i like reading other people's thoughts, and it's a little hard to not notice another's absence. hopefully your busy days aren't too stressful though, and i wish you luck in whatever you have going on.

i agree about that bit of avoiding offense though. i think the world needs more people who can disagree with each other without it being seen as a personal attack. or maybe that's just my bias for debate speaking. either way i do know we could also use more of kira in the world..... (i know what you are, light..)

i don't remember ever saying i was seeking a "lovely lady"... but i do swing both ways, if that's what you're asking.

glad to know i'm not the only with that weird reading issue... understimulated probably is the best way to describe it. i can also relate to that bit about never not analyzing. that probably explains why i lean towards more casual literature. i'm glad you've been able to take up poetry again. i'd be delighted to see what you write. "any good" or not, i'd still be very interested, so long as you're comfortable sharing, of course. as for why i got interested in poetry... well.. i watched Dead Poets Society, and anybody who has seen that film should be able to put the pieces together from then on.

and thank you for the wishes, hah. but yes, i am a sadist. that is exactly what i want. you'll have a chaotic translator interpreting for you anyways. however that could either ease or augment the tensions. either way, it works for my amusement. so please do consider joining anyhow. do it "for the vine", as they say. :)

Light:

Hey, first of all I'm so sorry that I took so long to answer, this ask has been sitting in our inbox for forever. I've been really busy these past few weeks, and I wanted to save it for when I could sit down and properly think about what I wanted to say.

I suppose that the world does, like you've said, need more people who are willing to criticise and more people who are willing to accept constructive feedback without taking it to be an attack on their personal self. We've become a very...fake society, in that way, rarely giving our honest opinions on anything---this place's become so complicated to live in. It's saddening.

Anyways, on to literature. You can probably tell that I do enjoy it quite a bit, I guess. And I'm glad you're enjoying our recommendations. As I've mentioned before, English isn't my native language as well, but it is a fun language to play around with, and I'm proficient enough in it to enjoy some literature in my free time. I'm a fast reader, and so far I'm on the lookout for new books to consume, so...feel free to recommend any of your favourites or what's on your current reading list. And if you'd like, you can also share some of your writings on this blog, I'm sure we'll like it very much!

Have a good day, Silver Heart Anon. Wishing you the best for whatever you'd like to accomplish.

[thatonegeekygirl]

behold! a year or two old merlin magic reveal fanfic in which kilgarrah shows zero self-restraint, the knights are confused, and merlin is so, so done.

___________________________

The day had began normally for Arthur and the knights. They woke up, ate breakfast, threw a goblet at a certain insubordinate manservant (at least in Arthur's case), and headed to the grounds for their tri-weekly training sessions.

Unfortunately, guessing by the huge shadow currently being cast upon them and the smell of brimstone, it was not going to end that way.

The Great Dragon—didn't he kill The Great Dragon?—flapped once and landed in a cloud of dust, which was impressive given that the grass-covered area was almost completely void of any sort of loose dirt, and looked at a shocked Arthur and knights with what seemed disconcertingly like a glare.

It took Arthur a solid fifteen seconds before he got his wits about him once more, and he barked an order, the Round Table knights clustering around him in a defensive position. He raised his sword threateningly.

"I don't know what witchcraft brings you back from the dead, beast," he bellowed with false bravado. "But I've slayed you once and I will not hesitate to do so again!"

He moved to strike, not expecting the dumb creature to respond.

And thus it chilled him to his innermost bones when the dragon let out a deep, guttural laugh, mirth glittering in its eyes and a bitter smile on its muzzle. Arthur, shaken deeply by the confusingly human emotions showing on the supposed animal, stood dumbfounded as the dragon shook its head wryly before turning to address the Camelotians once again.

"Foolish king," The Great Dragon rumbled, the words so foreign coming from a beast that Arthur barely held in a screech. It glared condescendingly. "Did you truly believe one such as yourself could kill a creature of the Old Religion?"

It didn't wait for Arthur to reply (not that the Pendragon would have anyway), instead continuing with another chuckle. "No mortal blade can harm me, much less the poorly constructed ones you wield."

Arthur desperately wanted to defend against the retort, but the logical part of his brain (which sounded suspiciously like Merlin) told him that would be an insanely stupid and dangerous course of action that would more likely get him roasted on the spot than salvage any of his lost pride.

The dragons smile widened. "I see our young warlock has been busy," he said approvingly. "Your father would have not hesitated to brashly combat such an insult and endanger himself and the lives of his men."

Arthur didn't have time to ponder who the hell the 'young warlock' before the dragon continued.

"Speaking of," its voice turned dry. "You and I have much to talk about regarding Emrys...do take a seat."

Arthur somehow found it in himself to jut his chin out stubbornly and straighten, feet still planted firmly on the ground.

"Do not test me, young King of Camelot," the dragon growled threateningly, releasing a snort of smoke that startled a yelp out of Gwaine. "I promise you, I am not pleasant when I am angry."

"You're not all that pleasant when you're not," Arthur muttered under his breath, but nonetheless sat with a frustrated grunt, struggling to find a position on the soft grass that didn't look entirely foolish. The dragon stared pointedly at the knights, and all four of them scrambled to the ground hastily.

"Now," The Great Dragon said, in a tone that indicated the beginning of a long tale. "Listen closely, knights and kings alike, for I am here to tell you the story of a man called Emrys..."

Arthur could've sworn he heard a mumbled, "Cause Gods knows he won't tell it himself" but he thought better of pointing it out. The dragon seemed cross enough as it was.

~~~~~

Arthur's head swam with the sudden rush of information. After a few hours worth of tales of Emrys' exploits, the mans victories and failures, sufferings and emotions, sacrifices and deeds, things of the past and things yet to come, he felt utterly overwhelmed and shaken by just how much the mystery man had done for them all.

As he and the knights tried to consider all the implications with wide eyes, Kilgharrah--as they had learned was The Great Dragons proper name--sat back and grinned, looking very pleased with himself.

"Now that you have been enlightened," he said, "and will likely rethink your life choices, I will be on my way."

He threw his mighty wings into the air, but before he could propel himself into the sky Percival let out a cry.

"Wait!"

Kilgharrah paused, lowering his wings and settling back onto solid ground. "What is it, knight?"

"It's just..." Percival paused, clearly considering his next words carefully. "...You said his Druidic name, the name he is referred to as in the prophecies, is Emrys...but then he must have a birth name as well, right? What would we know him by if we ever met?"

Kilgharrah seemed to find this utterly hilarious, and a bemused grin spread on his face, a tumble of rumbling chuckles escaping from his maw.

"You—all of you—met Emrys years ago!" He explained, to the shock and confusion of Arthur and the knights. "In fact," he shook his head in amusement. "You see him on a daily basis!"

Arthur's mind scrambled to think of all the people he saw in his every-day life. The knights, Gwen, Merlin, Gaius, the people in his council, but he could think of none that fit the dragons description of the mighty warlock.

Apparently finding humour in watching them panic, Kilgharrah stayed silent, a smile still playing on his face. 

"Just tell us who he is!" Arthur snapped after a minute or two, anger building in him at Kilgharrah's amused nonchalance.

"But of course," the dragon replied, grin widening. "All you had to do was ask."

Arthur huffed shortly, but listened intently as Kilgharrah leaned in closer.

"Emrys', the most powerful warlock who ever has and ever will walk the earth, sworn protector of the Once and Future King, slayer of Nimueh and Cornelius Sigan, friend of Camelot and enemy of all twisted magic, has the birth name, given to him by his mother in the town of Ealdor, of..."

Arthur's breath came in a sharp gasp as realization dawned.

"...Merlin..."

~~~~~

Arthur marched down the hallway, trailed by the Round Table knights, aiming purposefully for Gaius' and Merlin's door. Coming to it, he threw it open with a bang and strode inside, the knights filing in behind him. Leon, ever thoughtful, closed the door behind them. Merlin, who had been working on some sort of tincture, looked up, startled, then grinned as he saw who had entered. The grin slowly left his face as he glanced around and saw their expressions, however.

Gwaine, with one of uncharacteristic calm reassurance, Percival, one of wonder, Leon, one of shock and just a tiny bit of fear, Elyan, one of unsureness, and Arthur's...a mix of anger and confusion and desperation and awe and fear and hurt and a million other emotions all scattered across his face.

"What's...going on?" Merlin asked hesitantly.

""What's going on?'! 'What's going on?'!" Arthur mocked furiously. "The Great Dragon—the one you said I killed, by the way—just landed in the middle of Camelot and he told us everything, Merlin, or should I say Emrys!? Or Dragoon!? What the bloody hell is that all about!?"

Arthur wasn't sure how exactly he was expecting Merlin to react—maybe for him to deny everything, or try to explain in that awkward way of his, or just straight up run away, but he certainly wasn't expecting what did happen.

Merlin sighed loudly, a disturbingly unsurprised expression on his face. "Damn dragon," he muttered darkly.

[iobsessoverfictionalmen]

The Temptation of the Immortals (2)

Warnings: cursing, canon typical violence for the Percy Jackson series, spoilers for the Percy Jackson series, nightmares, the gods being absent parents, references to Greek Mythology, mentions of starvation and trauma.

“I can’t believe you said I would do this Piper.”  You scowled at your friend and colleague when she told you about the call that she received last night as she was finishing her shift.  “When did I give you or anyone else any indication that I know what I’m doing when it comes to babysitting children?”

Piper shrugged unrepentantly, “You looked after us on the Argo, at camp and during both wars.”

“That was different and it wasn’t babysitting!  We were similar ages!  If you’re so keen on the museum expanding its focus into childcare, why didn’t you say that you would babysit this kid?”

“For the last time, it’s not babysitting.  It’s tutoring.”

“The question remains Piper, why didn’t you say that you’d do it?”

“Because I have a date tonight with Shel.”

“Oh, okay.  So I’m available because I’m single.”

“Glad we understand each other,” Piper beamed.  Seeing your unconvinced face, her smile disappeared and became a pout. 

“Don’t do the face.”

“What face?”

“The face that makes me feel bad for saying no.”

Piper’s eyes sparkled, “So you’ll do it?”

“Yes.” You groaned, rubbing at your eyes.  “I must be insane for even entertaining the thought of doing this.”

“Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree then.”  Piper quipped as she left your office.

You grabbed a piece of paper, balled it up and threw it after her.  Just like your hopes of convincing her to change her mind about this plan of hers failed, your paper ball missed its target.  Later in the day, once you had finished your shift and you were on the way out of the museum, you stopped by Piper’s office and she gave you the address of the boy that you would be tutoring. 

“The child you will be tutoring is Alexander Kneef.  Surely you’ve heard of his father, Bryan Kneef.”

To her surprise, you had no idea who she was talking about.

“He’s one of the top litigators in Chicago.”

“And Annabeth is one of the best debaters and architects in New York, what’s your point?”

Piper rolled her eyes and shooed you out of her office.  Feeling slightly nervous about your task now, you made your way to the address and knocked on the door.

The door opened immediately and you took the opportunity to study the man standing opposite you.  Admittedly yes, he was handsome with his green eyes, brown hair and impeccable blue suit that probably cost more than you would ever make however, you could practically taste the arrogance coming off of him in waves and deep down, you hoped the child you were tutoring wasn’t like his father.

“Are you just going to stand there?”

You inhaled deeply, “I was taught that it was rude to barge into another’s home without receiving permission to do so.”

The lawyer scoffed, “I hope you’re not expecting a gilded invitation.  You won’t get one.”

“Perfect.  I’ll turn around and go on with my day.  Take care.”

You pivoted on your heel and walked back the way you came.  “Why in Hades would Piper agree to this?  She had to have some inkling as to what the man is like; she was the one to talk to him on the phone and knowing that she still suggested me!”

“His lunch is at twelve precisely.  It’s on the countertop ready for him and I told him that you would be working on his reading.  Alexander is avoiding reading at every possible opportunity and I am concerned that he will begin to fall behind if this behaviour continues.”

You paused with your back to the lawyer, “You’re talking as if I’m actually going to set foot in your apartment.  Did you miss the fact that I’m walking out of the building?  I can continue so that you get a better understanding of my actions.”

“I will be back in two hours.”  Bryan Kneef continued as if he hadn’t heard you.  “That is if this school is as efficient as they claimed to be over the phone.”

“This school?”  You questioned.

Now it was Bryan’s turn to breathe deeply, “My son’s previous school informed me that he is no longer welcome at their institution.  I’m sure that your colleague told you who I am.  If that information becomes public knowledge, I will come after you will the full force of the law.”

Sympathy for the boy welled up inside of you despite his father’s threat.  How many times had your mother said those exact words to you about a school that you had attended?  All over something you couldn’t control.

“This is a bad idea.”

You faced Bryan, “Today’s focus is reading?”

Surprise flitted over his face at your words, “Do you have a hearing problem?”

Choosing to ignore that comment you pushed on, “What book in particular?”

“He’ll tell you.  Alexander takes after me so of course he’s going to be clever.  You may address me as Mr. Kneef or Bryan if you must.”

As you passed each other in the hallway, you could have sworn that a quiet ‘thank you’ passed the lawyer’s lips.

[sonofthesaiyans]

This day, five years ago...

Was the day Attack on Titan ceased to be an anime or a manga worth the time of day. 

All because of one certain fucking character who Hajime Isayama insisted on pushing upon us at every turn, and in doing so cemented them as easily the most controversial and most loathed new character in the series.....

Because this little bitch is responsible for one certain fucking scene from the most wretched and most uncalled for chapter in the saga....

One that is easily, the worst bit of fiction I have ever laid eyes on.....

Five years ago today, Chapter 105......AKA Assassin’s Bullet.......the day Attack on Titan ripped away our beloved Potato Girl, Sasha Braus. One of the series’ best, and most beloved, tossed away like trash for a character who failed to justify their very existence. 

I still remember how my heart skipped a beat and subsequently sank when I read the first leaks early that morning........And how sick I felt when the full story came out later. I was FURIOUS when this motherfucking chapter came out, and having to look back at even a single frame of that shit still hits hard now. I never forgave this goddamned chapter, nor have I ever forgiven the BASTARD responsible for it. Sasha Braus was a character with tons of untapped potential and the rest of the manga and season four of AOT with it have been blackened by the shadow that cast by this one goddamned death scene that was neither justified or of any value to the larger plot.  People have gone to insane lengths to justify Gabi Braun, even though the hate for her remains vocal. Her worst defenders have done everything to convince us that Sasha had no other role to play but to die so a character who has absolutely no redeeming qualities to speak of and an absurd level of plot armor could sweep in and essentially replaced Eren Yeager and company as the new main character, with the parallels between herself and Eren having the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the forehead. 

And speaking of plot armor........We still have NO VALID EXPLANATION for why Sasha was the only member of the original squad to not have a breastplate. It’s a plot hole few have acknowledge or pursued with any seriousness, but it should be indicative of how much Isayama did not care how much the integrity of the plot suffered so long as he had his way with a character that NOBODY asked for. 

To him and Gabi’s worst defenders across the web, I say they can all go fuck themselves. 

Attack on Titan really dropped the ball with its final arcs, but THIS was where I drew the line. I was no longer invested in jackshit after that, and all I saw as I followed the remaining chapters was a concentrated effort to annihilate Sasha from the saga, and to reinforce Gabi as the unwanted replacement through a redemption arc that was from its inception, completely insincere and not earned. It’s such a poisonous moment in AOT’s history and I still remain overtly hostile towards those who defend the damage it did.  As far as I’m concerned, they had one simple task, to LEAVE SASHA ALONE.  They should have left well enough alone, and I am not done pursuing those who had an active hand in this. Some of those individuals will likely hear from me in the very near future. God willing, IN person. But, we shall see. 

Assassin’s Bullet is one of the single ugliest things in all of anime, and Gabi Braun, you are still one of anime’s worst characters. Nobody gets points for their part in bringing this hideous scene to life, and you certainly don’t get points for defending its existence. And after that godawful finale, its existence has become even less justifiable. 

This is not a subject I wanted to have to revisit tonight, but not to do so I feel would betray why I even set up this account, and an insult to a character I still cherish deeply. I still want Sasha Braus back, and I’m not gonna be deterred.  I only hope the finale episode of Attack on Titan proves the death knell for Isayama’s reputation, that man has fucked with our heads for so many years, he should not be rewarded for it. For me, the hate is definitely still very much personal.  I should’ve quit the series after Chapter 93 when Ymir was revealed to be gone.....Nothing but regrets to be had after Chapter 105 came out though. For the things I still love from Attack on Titan.......I regret ever watching it in the first place. That for me is Assassin’s Bullet’s legacy.  To hell with this chapter and the episode it spawned.  There is no Attack on Titan without Sasha Braus. 

FIGHT FOR HER........

[the-earth-priestess]

Hi, Alice the witch. I am at a complete dead end currently in my life where I so desperately want things to change for the better but I have no way of knowing if the path that I am choosing is the right one for me. I sorta feel like my whole life is just gonna feel like this, where I just fall into a job I dont like, live in a city I feel is too small for me and that is just the way it is supposed to be for me. At the same time I am so sick of the suffering and pain. My whole life just feels like a dark shadow where if I get hopeful about something, it is ripped away from me momentarily. What can I do in this situation? Is there any possibility of things becoming more clear to me in terms of my career? Sincerely, Ghastly confused 20year old going through a quarter life crisis for the entirety of my life actually. Thank you in advance :) <3

hi there :) i hope i can lend you some perspective and shine a light on things for you. let's get into the readings! 🍃🦋💗

for your tarot reading:

Justice in reverse -- with this Major Arcana card casting a theme over your reading, you are called to learn from all of your past experiences. not just the good, but the bad, and the "fugly", too. everything that you have been through is at your disposal and can become something that is useful to you. seek balance. seek a life of balance. of light and shadow, "good" and "bad". because it's all important. through seeking to understand how it can be balanced in some way, you will be able to learn how to move forward in a way that feels authentic to you. you're not a lost cause, you have so much potential within you. you simply need to face your fears. your fears are not your enemy -- they are there to guide you. protect you. serve you. every shadow you have is the same. light isn't always good and shadow isn't always bad. learn the difference, learn how to be discerning, learn how to be introspective in a way that cherishes kindness, forgives curiosity, adores patience. no matter where you go, no matter if your life gets chaotic and seemingly unpredictable or confusing, your path is always one of love.

Knight of Cups -- in this, i see you are a true romantic at heart. you might love romance, you might long for a happily ever after. this isn't wrong of you. this is your truth, and your truth is crucial to your life. live following your heart, seeking connections, being creative. since you asked about your career, you may be being called to something creative specifically. this can be stem, but usually it is indicative of the arts or even something extremely non-traditional. again, i will say this: follow your heart. magic is real and you can create the life you desire with your own hands -- remember that you are supported in this, too. the Universe cradles you gently, and wants you to succeed.

8 of Cups in reverse -- this is a card of literally being disappointed with your life and walking away from something... but also you know what else it says? choosing your sacred path is the biggest act of self-love you can enact. once you choose your sacred path, you choose yourself. that is love. that is self-love. it's so so important right now for you to let go of that which doesn't serve you. it can be anything, and only you can decide what it is. you don't have to do anything immediately either. but know that by shedding outgrown expectations, hopes, people, ideas, beliefs, guilt, or ways of being -- you can grow. you can realise your dreams. you can blossom into something new, but that which you always had the potential to become.

for your oracle reading:

(side note -- this is insane to me, but i did shuffle this deck and got EXACTLY THE SAME cards that i pulled for myself in an earlier reading. 🚶🏽 omg. GDNDHDDJ we must be resonating deeply or something...)

The Seas of Mintaka -- Mintaka is said to be a planet that had crystal clear waters the likes of which you could not even imagine, so clear that you could see for miles deep down. water usually represents emotions or the subconscious, so this is a calling to delve deep. feel yourself through your emotions instead of rejecting them outright. they are not your enemies, they are your dear friends telling you information about yourself and your situation. you need to simply learn their language. learn your internal language. carl jung once said "that which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our life as fate". you can practice diving deep so you can harness your fate. try speaking your emotions aloud more, empathizing, and journalling. this is the key to unlocking more and more of your soul.

All Paths Lead Home -- you can learn to trust your instincts, your intuition. it's so normal to look to the external to seek guidance, but what's revolutionary is turning your gaze inwards. you're being called to develop a feeling of connection with your soul. deep, deep down there is a place where you can feel at home, and when you act in the physical world, you can come from this place -- come from it and be kind, and unshakeable. you're being called to develop this feeling of "at homeness" -- by practicing relying on your intuition. you know yourself best. you know what you need and want. you are the only one that can decide what your true path is. all these things are true, but not because i've said them. these things are true for everyone, and for you, too. how can you develop your connection, or relationship, with yourself to become more secure and certain?

Baby Steps -- you don't need to know where you're heading to begin your journey. you don't need to know where your path leads to take the first step. so take that first step, and keep walking. one baby step at a time. this is a card that signals you are already on the path to fruition. intuition doesn't show you the end result -- even if we want it to. intuition shows you a general direction, a distinct sense of "right", and then you can follow it. and that's all you need to do to live authentically. you don't owe anyone explanations -- anyone who supports you will do just that, unconditionally. "it feels right" is more than enough reason for you to do something.

The Blue Flame -- these beings are talking about healing. integration. activation. any past pain or hurt you're feeling has so much potential to be healed right now. you're likely feeling it, like an internal storm whipping winds and rain about inside. that's normal. you're healing. it may take effort and time on your part, but it's so possible to become more yourself. you need only listen to your intuition, face your fears, and take baby steps.

thank you for reading, dear traveller ✨🍃🦋💕 i hope you found this helpful. remember to leave feedback on my site so i can thank you by putting it on my site.

and to the rest of you, see my pinned for rules when requesting free readings!