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rootedinrevisions · 3 months ago

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Unplanned Journeys: Part 2

SUMMARY: The journey through pregnancy unfolds as you and Jake navigate each milestone together. From the nerves at your first doctor’s appointment to the tender moment when Jake notices your baby bump for the first time, everything feels more real with each step. At the anatomy scan, you find out the gender, sparking sweet discussions about names and the future. As you work together to set up the nursery, Jake’s suggestion to move in makes your growing family feel even more complete. Finally, the big day arrives, and after an exhausting labor, you hold your baby in your arms—marking the beginning of the next chapter of your life.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to the Anon who sent the request for this in! I hope you enjoy it! Also, there will be AT LEAST one more part to this coming. I haven't decided yet how long I want to make this story quite yet.

WARNINGS: Angst. Unplanned pregnancy.

WORD COUNT: 4.2K

TAG LIST: @omgbrianab I @shanimallina87 I @fanficmom94 I @smoothdogsgirl I @djs8891

If you would like to be added to my Tag List please feel free to comment, send an ask, or send a DM and I'll be happy to get you added!

The sterile scent of the clinic filled the air as you sat in the waiting room, nervously tapping your foot against the tiled floor. The crinkle of a magazine in your lap was the only thing distracting you from the tight knot in your stomach.

It was a familiar setting—nothing new about doctor's offices, after all. I mean you'd been to the doctor's before. But today felt different. Monumental.

Jake sat beside you, his hand resting on your knee, his thumb brushing small, soothing circles. Every so often, his gaze would flicker over to you, checking in silently. His calm presence should have grounded you, but the nerves were relentless, pulsing under your skin. This wasn’t just any appointment. This was the first time you’d be seeing your baby.

“Breathe,” Jake murmured softly, his voice low so only you could hear. “You’re squeezing the life out of that magazine.”

You glanced down, realizing your knuckles were white as you gripped the edges of the glossy pages.

You let out a shaky breath and loosened your hold, giving him a small smile. “I didn’t even notice.”

“I did,” he said with a teasing grin, but his eyes were soft. “It’s gonna be okay.”

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to feel that same confidence radiating from him, but the fear was still there, gnawing at the edges of your mind. What if something was wrong? What if—

The sound of your name being called jolted you out of your thoughts. You stood up, your legs feeling like jelly beneath you, and Jake rose with you, his hand slipping into yours. His grip was firm, reassuring, as you followed the nurse down the hallway, your heart pounding in your chest.

The exam room was small but cozy, with pale blue walls and an exam bed in the center. The ultrasound machine sat next to it, and just seeing the equipment sent another wave of nerves washing over you. This was really happening.

The nurse smiled kindly, gesturing for you to take a seat on the exam table. “We'll have you go ahead and undress from the waist down. You can lie back and make yourself comfortable. The doctor will be in shortly.”

As you lay back, the flimsy paper sheet thing they had given you covered your midsection down to your thighs. Your stomach twisted with anticipation. Your mind raced with a thousand thoughts, but Jake was there. He took your hand, his thumb tracing small patterns on the back of your hand.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he repeated, his voice steady and calm. “Whatever happens, we’re in this together.”

You nodded, swallowing hard. You wanted to believe him—to trust that everything would be fine—but the uncertainty still clung to you.

Moments later, the doctor entered, a friendly smile on her face as she introduced herself. She explained what would happen at this appointment in a calm, soothing tone, but you barely registered the words. Your mind was too busy spinning with possibilities. Would there be a heartbeat? Would everything look normal?

The doctor dimmed the lights and began preparing the ultrasound machine. Your breath hitched as she spread the cool gel across your abdomen, and you instinctively squeezed Jake’s hand a little tighter. His other hand moved to brush a stray hair from your forehead, his eyes never leaving yours.

“You ready?” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jake leaned closer, his forehead almost touching yours. “No matter what, we’ll figure it out. You’re not in this alone.”

His words gave you just the slightest bit of comfort, enough to make you nod as Dr. Bennett pressed the probe gently against your belly. The room went silent for a moment, the sound of the machine whirring softly in the background as the image on the screen flickered to life.

And then you heard it.

A soft, rhythmic thump. Steady and strong.

You blinked, your breath catching in your throat. There it was. The heartbeat. Your baby’s heartbeat.

“There we go,” the doctor said with a smile, her eyes focused on the screen. “Everything looks good so far. Strong heartbeat.”

You stared at the monitor, unable to tear your eyes away from the little flicker of life that appeared on the screen. Your baby. It was so small, just a tiny blip, but it was there. Real. Alive.

Jake’s hand tightened around yours, and when you looked over at him, you saw the same awe mirrored in his expression. His eyes were fixed on the screen, his usual confident, laid-back demeanor replaced by something softer—something you had never seen before.

His lips parted slightly as if he was about to say something, but no words came out. He was just as overwhelmed as you were.

Tears pricked at your eyes, the emotion of it all finally hitting you. You hadn’t realized how much you’d been holding in until this moment—until you saw the heartbeat, heard that steady rhythm, and knew that everything was okay.

Jake finally spoke, his voice quiet but filled with awe. “That’s… that’s our baby.”

You nodded, too choked up to speak, the tears spilling over. Jake’s hand moved from yours to gently brush them away, his touch tender and reassuring.

“Hey,” he whispered, leaning in closer. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

You nodded again, but this time it wasn’t out of fear or doubt. It was because you finally believed it. Everything was going to be okay.

The doctor smiled warmly, snapping a few images for you to take home before wiping the gel off your stomach. “You’re measuring right on track. I’ll see you again in four weeks, but everything looks great.”

As she left the room, Jake turned to you, his eyes still wide with disbelief but now filled with a quiet kind of joy. “That was… I don’t even know how to describe it.”

“I know,” you whispered, your heart still racing from the rush of emotions. “I can’t believe it either.”

He reached out, gently placing a hand on your stomach, where the gel had just been wiped away. His touch was soft, reverent, as if he was afraid to press too hard. “We’re really doing this, huh?”

You covered his hand with yours, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours. “Yeah,” you said, your voice full of wonder. “We really are.”

Jake smiled, a soft, genuine smile that made your heart ache with affection. And for the first time since finding out, you felt the panic slip away. You were scared, yes—but with Jake by your side, you knew you could handle whatever came next.

Together.

* * * * *

You stood in front of the mirror, towel wrapped loosely around your body as you brushed your hair, your reflection catching your eye more than usual. Something had changed. It was subtle—barely noticeable unless you really looked—but it was there. The soft curve of your belly, just below the towel line, had begun to take shape.

You placed your hand on it, fingers tracing the gentle swell. It felt strange, unfamiliar, and yet… there was something deeply comforting about it. A quiet reminder of the life growing inside you, inching its way into the world.

Jake was in the other room, probably scrolling through his phone or flipping channels, oblivious to the tiny moment of realization you were having. The baby bump hadn’t fully registered with you yet either, but standing here, in the soft morning light filtering through the bathroom window of his place, you couldn’t deny it. Your body was changing. The bump was there.

Part of you wanted to hide it for a little longer, to savor this secret for yourself. But a bigger part—one that was filled with excitement and curiosity—wanted to share it with Jake. To see the look on his face when he realized just how real this was becoming.

After drying off and slipping into one of Jake’s old t-shirts, you wandered into his bedroom where he was sprawled on the bed, head propped on one hand as he absentmindedly flicked through a football game.

You leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, a small smile tugging at your lips as you watched him. He didn’t even notice you at first, too engrossed in the game. But eventually, he must have sensed your gaze, because he turned his head, his eyes finding yours instantly.

“Hey,” he said, grinning lazily. “What’s up?”

You hesitated for a moment, chewing on your bottom lip before you took a deep breath and stepped closer to the bed. “I… I want to show you something.”

Jake raised an eyebrow, pushing himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, his curiosity piqued. “What is it?”

Your heart fluttered with nerves, but you moved to stand in front of him, the oversized t-shirt hanging loosely on your frame. You took another breath, then lifted the hem of the shirt just enough to reveal the small, gentle swell of your belly.

Jake’s reaction was immediate. His eyes widened, his breath catching as he stared at the bump, the soft curve that hadn’t been there before. For a moment, he didn’t say anything—he just looked, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

Then, slowly, a smile spread across his face. Not just any smile—one of those rare, breathtaking smiles that lit up his whole face, eyes crinkling at the corners, as if he’d just discovered something truly magical.

“Is that…?” he started, his voice soft with awe, before trailing off. He reached out, his hand hovering near your belly like he was asking permission.

You nodded, unable to speak past the lump in your throat.

His hand made contact, fingers splayed gently over the bump, as if he was afraid to press too hard. He rubbed his thumb lightly against your skin, tracing the small curve with a mixture of wonder and joy. It was like he couldn’t get enough of the moment—couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that this was real.

“That’s… that’s our baby.”

You smiled, tears welling up in your eyes as you looked down at him, his expression so full of love it made your heart ache. “Yeah,” you whispered back. “I'm starting to show.”

Jake shook his head slightly, still in awe, his hand moving slowly over the bump like he was trying to memorize the feel of it. “I can’t believe it,” he murmured, his gaze never leaving your stomach. “I mean… I know we’ve been talking about it, but seeing this—it’s real, isn’t it?”

You nodded, feeling the same mix of disbelief and excitement swirling inside you. “Yeah,” you said softly. “It’s real.”

He looked up at you then, his eyes shining with emotion. “You look beautiful,” he said, his voice low and sincere. “Even more beautiful than before.”

A warm flush spread across your cheeks at his words, but before you could respond, Jake stood up, pulling you gently into his arms. His hands settled on your waist, his thumbs brushing the bump as he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

“I can’t believe I missed this,” he said with a small laugh, his lips still close to your skin. “How long have you noticed?”

You leaned into him, resting your head against his chest as you let out a quiet laugh. “Not long,” you admitted. “I only really noticed today.”

Jake pulled back slightly, just enough to look at you. “Well, I’m glad you showed me,” he said, his smile still lighting up his face. “I don’t want to miss any of this. Not a single second.”

You reached up, cupping his cheek with your hand, your thumb brushing over his stubbled jaw. “You won’t,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “We’re in this together, remember?”

He nodded, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips—soft and sweet, filled with all the emotions neither of you could quite put into words.

As the kiss ended, Jake’s hands found their way back to your belly, his fingers brushing over the bump again. He looked down, his face full of wonder as if he still couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“This is crazy,” he murmured with a small chuckle, shaking his head. “But it’s also… amazing.”

You smiled, your heart swelling with affection for him. “Yeah,” you said softly. “It really is.”

Jake wrapped his arms around you again, pulling you close, and for the first time, the two of you just stood there, holding each other, feeling the tiny life growing between you. It was a quiet, beautiful moment—a shared realization that everything was changing, but in the best way possible.

* * * * *

The soft hum of the ultrasound machine filled the small exam room as you lay back on the table, Jake seated beside you, his hand tightly holding yours. The lights were dim, and the air was thick with a mix of nerves and anticipation. You weren’t sure if it was the faint chill of the gel the technician had spread across your belly or the fact that in just a few minutes, everything would feel a little more real.

Jake squeezed your hand, his thumb rubbing small circles into your palm, silently telling you that he was right there with you, just as anxious and excited as you were. You turned your head to look at him, catching the faintest hint of a smile on his face, though his eyes were glued to the monitor in front of you.

“Alright, let’s take a look,” the technician said, her voice calm and friendly as she moved the ultrasound wand over your belly. The screen flickered with shapes and shadows, the sound of the baby’s heartbeat filling the room, a rhythmic thud that made your own heart skip a beat.

Jake’s grip on your hand tightened slightly as both of you stared at the screen, trying to make sense of the images. The technician moved the wand slowly, explaining the different parts—the baby’s head, arms, legs. But the moment you’d both been waiting for was still ahead.

“Are you ready to find out?” the technician asked, her eyes flicking between the two of you.

You nodded, biting your lip, a nervous excitement bubbling up inside you. Jake leaned closer, his eyes wide with anticipation.

The technician smiled, and with a small movement of the wand, she pointed at the screen. “Congratulations,” she said softly. “You’re having a baby boy.”

The words hung in the air for a moment, sinking in. A boy. You felt Jake’s hand tense, then relax as a slow grin spread across his face. He glanced at you, his eyes shining with pure, unfiltered joy.

“A boy,” he murmured, the words barely audible, as if he was saying them more to himself than to you.

You smiled back at him, your heart full. “Yeah,” you whispered. “A boy.”

Jake let out a small laugh, his free hand moving to rest on your belly, his thumb brushing over the slight bump. “A little man,” he said, his voice filled with wonder. “I can’t believe it.”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, the relief and excitement finally washing over you. Everything felt a little more real now, a little more tangible. You had a son—a baby boy who was going to turn your entire world upside down in the best possible way.

After a few more minutes of watching the baby wiggle on the screen, the technician handed you some printed images from the scan, and soon you and Jake were heading out of the clinic, stepping into the cool air of the parking lot.

The ride home was quiet at first, the two of you still processing the news. Jake’s hand rested on your thigh as he drove, the soft buzz of the radio playing in the background. You glanced over at him, noticing how he was still grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.

“You’re really excited, huh?” you teased, though the warmth in your voice gave away just how much you loved seeing him this happy.

Jake glanced at you, his smile widening. “Hell yeah, I’m excited. We’re having a boy. That’s… that’s huge.”

You nodded, feeling the same excitement bubbling up again. “I know. It’s crazy.”

A comfortable silence settled between you, but you could feel Jake thinking, his mind already racing ahead. And then, almost predictably, he asked the question you’d been waiting for.

“So,” he started, his tone casual but with a hint of curiosity, “have you thought about any names?”

You let out a small laugh, turning to look at him. “Of course I’ve thought about names,” you said. “I’ve been scrolling through Pinterest boards for weeks now. I’ve got a whole list.”

Jake raised an eyebrow, glancing at you briefly before focusing back on the road. “Oh yeah? Let’s hear ‘em.”

You pulled your phone out, scrolling through your saved baby names. “Okay, well… I’ve always liked the name ‘Caleb.’ It’s kind of classic but not too common, you know?”

Jake nodded thoughtfully. “Caleb’s nice. What else you got?”

“Uh, let’s see… there’s ‘Wyatt,’ ‘Eli,’ and ‘Noah,’” you said, rattling off a few more names you’d saved.

Jake seemed to consider them for a moment, but then he let out a soft chuckle. “Those are good,” he said, his tone warm. “But, uh, I was kind of thinking about something more… I don’t know, meaningful? Maybe a family name.”

You raised an eyebrow, curious now. “A family name?”

Jake nodded, glancing at you again. “Yeah, like… well, my granddad’s name was ‘Jameson.’ I always thought that was a strong name. And my dad’s middle name was ‘Robert.’”

“Jameson Robert,” you repeated, testing it out. “That’s pretty solid.”

Jake smiled, clearly pleased. “Right? It sounds like a name you could grow into. A name with some weight behind it.”

You couldn’t help but grin at how serious he sounded. It was clear Jake had already been thinking about this—probably long before today. “I like it,” you said. “But we don’t have to decide right now. We’ve still got time to figure it out.”

Jake nodded, his hand giving your thigh a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, you’re right. I just… I don’t know, I kind of like the idea of carrying on some of the family names. But I’m open to anything.”

You smiled, leaning back in your seat as you watched the landscape pass by outside the window. “We’ll figure it out together,” you said softly. “Besides, we’ve still got a few months to pick the perfect name.”

Jake chuckled, glancing at you with that easy, warm smile of his. “Yeah,” he said. “But I’m calling it now—he’s gonna be a little Jameson.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “We’ll see about that.”

The rest of the drive home was filled with easy conversation, tossing baby names back and forth and laughing about which ones definitely didn’t make the cut. You felt lighter than you had in weeks, the excitement of the day settling into something quieter, something deeper.

By the time you pulled into the driveway, the two of you hadn’t landed on a final name, but it didn’t matter. You still had time. What mattered was that you were in this together—building a family, one moment at a time.

* * * * *

You stood in the small bedroom of your apartment, surveying the space that had felt cozy just a few months ago but now seemed increasingly cramped with the realization that a baby was on the way. Jake was pacing the floor, tossing around ideas for rearranging the furniture, while you tried to mentally picture how everything could fit.

“What if we move the dresser to the other side?” Jake suggested, pointing toward the corner where a floor lamp barely fit. “Then we could push the bed over, and maybe…” He paused, considering the layout again. “I don’t know, it just feels tight in here.”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “Yeah, it’s going to be a challenge. I wasn’t exactly planning on having a baby when I moved in here.”

Jake leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, and looked at you with a thoughtful expression. “You know,” he said slowly, “I was thinking… maybe you could just move into my place.”

You blinked, surprised by the suggestion. “Your place? But we’ve only been together a few months, and now with everything that’s happened…” Your voice trailed off as you considered the implications.

He straightened up, stepping closer. “I mean it. My place has two bedrooms. We can easily turn one into a nursery, and I want you and the baby close to me. We could be a family.”

The warmth in his voice sent a flutter through your chest. You searched his eyes for any hint of hesitation, but all you saw was sincerity. “Are you sure? This is a big step. We haven’t even been together a year yet.”

Jake nodded firmly, the look in his eyes unwavering. “I know it’s fast, but I want to do this together. I want you both with me. I don’t want to miss a moment once he gets here.”

Your heart swelled at his words, a mix of excitement and anxiety flooding you. “It’s just… a lot to think about.”

He reached out, pulling you into a warm embrace. “I get it, but we’ll figure it out together. You’re not alone in this. We can make it work.”

As you melted into his arms, you felt the weight of your worries begin to lift. The idea of moving in with Jake was both daunting and exhilarating, but deep down, you knew he was right. It would be good for all of you.

Pulling back slightly, you looked into his eyes, your smile growing. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Jake’s face broke into a wide grin, and he lifted you off the ground in excitement. “Really? You mean it?”

You nodded, laughing as he set you back down. “Yeah, I mean it. I’m just as scared as I am excited, but I want this. I want us to be a family, and I want us to be together.”

Jake’s smile softened, and he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “Then it’s settled. Let’s make it happen.”

You felt a rush of happiness as you both embraced again, knowing that despite the challenges ahead, you had each other. You could build a home together, and soon enough, you’d be welcoming your little one into the world.

* * * * *

The day had stretched into what felt like an eternity, filled with anticipation, exhaustion, and a whirlwind of emotions. You lay in the hospital bed, beads of sweat on your forehead, clutching Jake’s hand tightly. He was your anchor, whispering words of encouragement and squeezing your fingers every time a contraction rolled through you.

“You’re doing amazing, babe,” he said softly, brushing a damp strand of hair from your face. His voice was a calming presence amid the chaos, and every time you met his gaze, you felt a surge of strength.

Hours passed, and the pain became almost unbearable, but you pressed on, motivated by the thought of finally holding your baby in your arms. You could feel the excitement in the room as the medical staff prepared for the final moments. Jake stayed right by your side, never leaving you, his eyes filled with concern and love.

Finally, with one last push, the cries of your baby filled the room, piercing through the haze of pain and exhaustion. Your heart raced as you heard that precious sound, a mixture of relief and joy flooding through you. The nurses gently placed the tiny bundle on your chest, and you looked down, tears brimming in your eyes.

There he was—your son. His little face, scrunched up and wailing, filled you with a warmth you had never known. You glanced up at Jake, who was beaming, his eyes wide with wonder as he took in the sight of his son for the first time.

Jake leaned in closer, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead, his breath warm against your skin. “You did it,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “He’s perfect.”

You smiled through your tears, feeling an overwhelming sense of love and pride. “Look at him,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. “He’s ours.”

Jake nodded, his eyes glistening as he gazed at the two of you. “We’re a family now.”

In that moment, nothing else mattered. The pain of labor faded into the background, replaced by an all-consuming love for this tiny human that you had created together. You felt Jake’s hand wrap around yours, his thumb stroking the back of your hand as he leaned in to share the joy of this incredible moment.

As you cradled your son against your chest, the world around you fell silent. It was just you, Jake, and your beautiful baby boy, the three of you beginning this new chapter together.

#Top Gun Hangman #Top Gun Hangman Fanfiction #Top Gun Hangman Fanfic #Jake Seresin #Jake Seresin Fanfiction #Jake Seresin Fanfic #Jake Hangman Seresin #Jake Seresin x reader #Hangman x reader

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kiwi-cult · 8 months ago

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PARSELSCRIPT!!

Hi. This is mostly for the people from Discord but tadah! I'm finally making that Tumblr post I've been talking about for months.

(Warning this will probably be very chaotic)

To anyone new who sees this: me and some friends made an alphabet for Parseltongue from Harry Potter, aka Parselscript. I'll take you on a little journey to explain my process and give you some tips, should you want to start writing it.

Disclaimer: I wanted to make this script usable for the writer I made it for so it's less of an actual language and more just some characters to represent the Latin (or ‘English’) letters. Like a cipher. It is not realistic. If I made this realistic I'd have to add all sorts of things to indicate body language and smell etc and also have to figure out what sounds Parseltongue actually has etcetera etcetera. No.

Alright.

It all started when we started talking about Parselscript in a Discord server and I asked my friend Ava to visualise the script because she seemed to have a clear vision of it, so I could use it to go from there.

That's how we got this.

I think we all wanted to go with something flowery for some reason, so we did.

After this I just messed around with brushes and shapes in Procreate for a while, tweaking things and trying to make it more writeable. I ended up with something like this (still a rough draft).

It may look a bit like random squiggles at first, and it kinda was at this point. As you can see there's also a lot of added dots and lines, which can be a bit hard to remember and I see you wondering what it looks like without them.

Well here it is.

I showed this to the people I brainstormed with in Discord and we decided to go with the more complicated version because it looks better lol.

This is one of the final versions.

It says: "Hello, my name is Kiwi Cult. I made this script after reading a fanfic called Terrible, But Great written by Isalise the loml on Archive Of Our Own."

Now, to talk about some of the (boring) logistics.

It is read from left to right, top to bottom.

Every separate combination of squiggles you see above is a separate word. Every word is made up of a starting character, one or more letter characters and an ending character.

The very first character you see in the top left corner, with the three petal looking thingies, is a silent starting character that indicates the start of a sentence. Not word: sentence. The end of the character, that little circle thingy, is a comma. So, the first combination says: "Hello,".

Then, the second combination starts with a kind of hook going down and right. This is also a silent character and more meant as an interpunction, that's why you don't pronounce it. It's kind of just a way to start the word when there isn't anything special about it (aka it's not the start of a sentence, a name, an exclamation or a question. But every character is special in its own right🥲). The same kind of hook can be found at the bottom of the combination, except going up. It has the same use, basically just a way to end the word when there isn't anything special about it. Now, you might ask: why does it go right and not left?

We talked about this a while, because I wanted the direction to have some kind of meaning. We wondered about gender, tone, blah blah all kinds of complicated things but in the end I just wanted this script to be writable so I chose to have proficient writers in Parseltongue make their hooks go left and beginners have their hooks go right.

Now, you might notice that I end my words with a hook going right. That is because I don't see myself as a pro in writing in Parselscript okay? It's hard!😭💀

Now, other than the character indicating the start of a sentence, the circle, and the simple hook, there are a few other characters to start or end a combination (don't worry I'll show them all to you at the end, you won't have to use your imagination for long).

We have a character to indicate a name. Now, the rule is: name indicator over start of sentence indicator. So, if you start a sentence with a name, you'll use the symbol to indicate a name, NOT BOTH. (That's not even possible but I don't even want to see you try and butcher my child).

There is a character to indicate a sentence that would usually be followed by an exclamation mark (!), but at the start of the sentence. Then you’d end the exclamated sentence with a period.

The same goes for a question mark (?): put it at the start of a question, not the end. Again, it wouldn't even be possible to use it at the end of a combination but I DON'T EVEN WANNA SEE YOU TRY.

Finally we have a period (.), which looks a bit like a flower with four petals. You do use this one at the end of a word, and it is always followed by a start of sentence indicator or a name indicator. I know people are rejecting capitals these days in their typing but I don't wanna see it. If you start a word after a period with a hook I will find you.

If a sentence starts with a name that is also a question or exclamation you’d use the question/exclamation mark above the name indicator, otherwise it would take away a vital part of the sentence while a name can still be read even if it doesn’t have its indicator.

So, to put it all next to each other, the symbols we have are: -start of sentence indicator -name indicator -exclamation mark (!) -question mark (?) -period (.) -hook (direction depends on efficiency) -comma (,) (direction depends on efficiency)

I didn't make adjusted characters to indicate a capital letter like we do in the Latin alphabet, meaning that the only things you can kind of 'capitalise' are the start of a sentence and the start of a name.

It is also slightly phonetic. Emphasis on slightly. I made separate characters for almost all letters in the Latin alphabet, so you can just write your word normally with Parselscript characters. The only difference is that I made only one character for the 'f/v' sounds and that there is no 'c' character. If a word has a 'c' in it, you'll have to use the character for a 'k' or an 's'. Also a ‘q’ can be made with ‘k’ and ‘w’ etc.

A few examples: -character=karakter -parselscript=parselskript -crazy=krazy -science=siense

-quiz=kwuiz

I know it looks a bit confusing, but I trust you guys' ability to read context clues and figure out what someone means when you try to decipher Parselscript.

Now, for a word like 'phonetic' or 'decipher' I don't really care whether you use the separate characters for 'p' and 'h' or just the one for the 'f/v' sound. You do you.

I also don’t use any double letters because they basically sound the same and it looks ugly but if you want to use double symbols feel free.

I also made some numbers that do not look like they fit with the rest of the script but I promise you that's just because you're not used to it yet. Our own numbers don't belong with our alphabet either because we nicked them from the Arabs (I think, don't quote me on this) but we don’t notice that either.

Tadah. (Yes I know it’s out of order I told you this was gonna be chaotic af)

Other than that, feel free to ask me questions if I've forgotten anything or if you're wondering about anything. I can't guarantee that I have a good answer because I might not even have thought about it myself, but I can always try to come up with something. I am one person, I'm afraid I haven't been able to take everything about a script into consideration.

Now, without further ado; here is the key.

No, your eyes didn't deceive you: there are two versions. The first has a bit more loose squiggles than the second one. I realised that when I was writing physically, the second version was much nicer to write, so it is kind of like Simplified Parselscript. I haven't decided yet if I'm gonna put some lore behind it or not yet. But I included the og one if you're a tryhard and wanna take it on.

Now, if you're gonna start writing it yourself, here is the stroke order.

I tried to make it as clear as possible but please ask me if you're confused on anything.

Red is the starting point of the whole symbol, the arrows indicate the direction to go in, x marks the start of the small extra's.

Now, I'd also recommend writing on some type of paper with vertical lines like this if you're gonna do it physically.

You can just turn a paper with normal, horizontal lines a quarter to get vertical lines. Also, do NOT write in between the lines. They are meant to help you keep the start and ending on the same line so you don't start going into crazy directions while writing. So, start your sentence symbol or hook or whatever in the middle of the line and try to keep coming back to that vertical line after every letter. As you gain more proficiency you'll probably go straight into the next letter without going back to the line all the time but I think this is a good starting point.

I also recommend writing with a fountain pen or something else that flows well because it’s easier to write that way.

Here is another rough draft I made on physical paper to get a feel for it. As you can see this draft had a lot more different starting characters and ending characters so just ignore that. Hope this motivates you a bit or smth.

Lmk if you want me to post a video of me writing in this Parselscript.

Also please let me know if you know of someone else who's also made a Parselscript because I tried to look for it on Tumblr and Twitter etc but I couldn't find anything.

I also feel like there’s a big mistake I made that I realised the last time I worked on this script but I’ve forgotten it now so if you find out please comment or dm or anything💀

Also feel free to use in your own fic, tho a little tiny shoutout in the a/n would be nice :) I’m @/kiwi_cult on Ao3, @/slvtr_ on Wattpad, @/kiwi cult on ff.net, @/slvtr.1 on TikTok and @/.slvtr on Discord.

Credits:

@natis-balamnimaja @asterialvia and @/zee (who unfortunately left the server and I don't know the Tumblr @ of) for brainstorming with me and @isalisewrites for inspiring us and making the server we discussed this in.

Okay bye :) tell me if I forgot anything.

🥝

#fanfiction #isalise #parselscript #parseltongue #hogwarts #harry potter #language stuff #alphabet #script #tom riddle #worldbuilding #ao3

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bowlofsoob · 1 year ago

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SOOBIN AS YOUR MUTUAL THAT YOU HATE IRL — part two

part one

soobin x gender neutral reader

you and soobin have been mutuals on twitter for almost a year as you both run bebe rexha fan accounts. he uses a fake name and you guys get along well, you talk to him more than your irl friends atp. on the other hand you and soobin don’t get along irl after constantly competing for the number one spot on the academic leaderboard. since then he always gives you a rbf and says he finds you too obnoxious. but that all changes when you finally decide to meet your favorite oomf in person.

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐་༘

The street was dark apart from the flickering lamps on the side of the walkway as you made your way towards Steve – or well Soobin’s – house. It still felt odd.

Your palms felt clammy and you were clad in your pajamas, in too much of a rush to change. Which was a decision you were regretting since the flimsy fabric did nothing to protect you against the wind.

Before you knew it you spotted the complex Soobin supposedly lived in, and as you walked closer you could see his tall figure waiting for you in the dark. It would’ve been rather creepy if not for the fact he was drowning in a large hoodie and sweats with a beanie tugged on his hair. His arms were crossed across his chest as he rocked back and forth due to the cold.

You swallowed your nerves and made your way towards him, not quite knowing what to do with your hands other than give him an awkward wave as he spotted you.

“Hey,” he breathed out, gesturing for you to follow him inside.

The warmth of his apartment was far more welcoming than the freezing night. He shut the door behind you both and tugged off his beanie as he gestured for you to sit down.

“Hi,” you greeted back as you sank down on his couch. The entire place felt very lived in.

Soobin’s face scrunched up into an abashed smile.

“I missed you,” you added, “I’m glad you reached out.”

“I am too,” he hummed, reaching out to take his hand into yours. His palms felt warm against your own freezing ones.

“What was your last text about?” you question as his thumb rubs circles on your palm.

“I don’t know what your talking about?” he smiles, “What did I say?”

“You know damn well what you said,” you huff.

“Okay, well I meant it,” he answers, “I convinced myself to try and forget you since you were an online friend. But having you right in front of me changed things.”

“Changed things how?” you say, warmth creeping up your cheeks.

“Well, for one I can actually see you,” Soobin notes, “And do things like this,” he adds, his voice going quiet as he reaches over to push a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “And, instead of fantasizing about kissing you, I could actually do it.”

“You fantasized about it?” you ask in disbelief, still flustered at the touch of his hand so close to your face “You didn’t even know what I looked like!”

“You were kinda just a blob in my mind,” he shrugs, a smile tilting his lips at your offended face.

“A pretty blob though, right?”

“Of course.”

“So, you really don’t hate me?” you muse, playing with his fingers, “It’s so weird seeing you be so gentle.”

“Would you rather me go back to being rude?” he replies, “But I really don’t. I feel a little ashamed at how I used to treat you.”

“It’s okay, I did the same,” you assure, patting his hand, “Let’s start fresh.”

“Okay,” he agrees, clasping your hand in between his, “Let’s go out.”

“Straight to the point?”

“I don’t think we should waste any more time,” he replies, “I need to make it up to you.”

“Kiss me and consider yourself forgiven,” you manage to croak out, your throat closing up at your false confidence. Honestly, you were qute irritated with yourself on how you treated Soobin for the past few months. You desperately wanted to move on and start fresh.

Soobin let out a surprised laugh and you wanted to ingrain the sound into your mind. He brought up his free palm to his mouth and let out a small giggle into it.

“Okay,” he manages to say, taking a deep breath.

“Any day now.”

“Shut up, I need a moment–,” he started, but was interrupted as you reached over and yanked on his hoodie to slot his lips against yours. He stumbled and you both fell backwards onto the couch as he caught himself above you, both knees outside your hips as you snaked your hands around his waist.

He stared at your for a mere moment in disbelief before leaning down to capture your lips with his. His lips felt pillowy against your own and his warm body right on top of yours made it feel just as good.

You had to remind yourself not to laugh into the kiss with how happy it made you feel.

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐་༘

future texts and tweets

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐་༘

#txt smau #txt x reader #txt x you #txt x gender neutral reader #soobin smau #soobin x reader #soobin x gender neutral reader #soobin x you #soobin x yn #soobin x male reader #soobin fic #soobin texts #txt x gn reader

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mavrintarou · 1 year ago

Text

Lord Ushijima Wakatoshi [1]

I tried to do one part... but this got too long. I feel like this is the smuttiest of all Lord series (tell me otherwise - let me know which one you think is the smuttiest lol). If you’re new, welcome to my Lord Haikyuu fandom, I have completed Lord series for Sakusa, Suna, Kita, and the Miya twins, check them out too!

Warning: explicit smut; angst; TW: miscarriage; reader is inexperience

Part two - end

Wakatoshi thrust hard one final time before he withdrew and fisted his cock, he groaned as his cum shot thick white spurts all over Y/n’s belly and breasts.

Her eyes shut as her pussy spasm even after his withdrawal, the overstimulating effect he often left her in. Her chest rose with heavy breath as her legs that were pinned to her chest were finally freed from his grip. Y/n didn’t need to open her eyes to hear he was grabbing a towel, as always, he cleaned her up afterward.

Y/n opened her eyes and reached her hand out, indicating for him to give her the towel so she could clean herself up. He ignored her reach and began wiping his essence away.

She didn’t quite understand why he preferred to ejaculate on her, only to wipe it away. Not that she wanted him to cum while he was inside of her.

She lay there with an arm over her eyes while he wiped her down, even between her legs. The first time he did this, she panicked and nearly fought him until he ordered her to remain still with his stern Captain tone.

“We have a mission coming in two days, I need you to prepare – “

“I know, I know…” Y/n cut him off, even though he repeated the same thing every time they had a mission together. Somedays she wondered if she was more his assistant than his second in command.

She rolled over as soon as he set the towel back in the basin, that was her usual cue to leave. She grabbed her yukata and was about to slip it on when she was suddenly on her back once again.

“Who said I was done?”

Y/n’s eyes widened briefly before she quickly blinked them away. Lately, Wakatoshi has been keeping her in his chamber longer than before, not satisfied until he’s had his way with her.

“I’m – I’m sore,” Y/n murmured, cheeks flushing.

Y/n didn’t know the true meaning of soreness until her first night with her Captain. She has gone through the exact training and exercise the rest of her team has endured to earn their current position regardless of her gender and never once has she uttered a complaint, even in the face of soreness.

She knew she was inexperienced and lacked education about sharing a man’s bed since she was essentially raised a boy by her grandfather and spent most of her time in the company of men.

Since the day she rose to second in command, there was never a mission she was not by her captain’s side but the one time that she was assigned to a different mission that he only trusted her to handle… he returned in a state of discomfort.

“What happened to him?” Y/n demanded, being blocked at Captain’s doorway by Shirabu and Ohira.

Reon avoided Y/n’s eyes, “he… uh – there… he’ll be fine in a couple of… hours. Or days.”

She narrowed her eyes at him before looking at Kenjiro, she knew he would tell her, he was the closest to her on the team. “Tell me Jiro – what’s wrong with Cap?”

Kenjiro looked uncomfortable under her strict gaze before sighing, “he was exposed to some unknown powder during this mission…”

Y/n’s eyes widened, and she made a move to brush past them and see for herself how the captain’s well-being was but they blocked her once more. “Move,” she demanded sternly, never once speaking to them with that tone.

Reon raised his hands in a defense mechanism, “listen, Y/n… you can’t see him right now… for his dignity… and maybe your safety.”

They were speaking in a circle and it was making Y/n frustrated.

“Yes, it is best if you don’t see him within the next… maybe a few days…” Kenjiro added, trying to avoid eye contact.

“If you guys do not get to the point and tell me exactly what is wrong with Cap, I will put you both down.”

Both men’s breath hitched as they straightened their shoulders in reflex. Kenjiro looked at Reon before he nodded. Kenjiro, the team’s medic expert exhaled before speaking, “we believe the unknown drug is a form of an aphrodisiac.” He paused, “since discovering this, Cap… Cap is in pain.”

“Are there no medicine or herbs to help?”

Kenjiro shook his head, “no, it will flush out of his system in time or… with assistance.”

“What kind of assistance?”

“Sexual… he is in a state of sexual desire… that is the only other way to help him is to meet his sexual desires.”

At that exact moment, all three of them jumped when they heard a crash coming within the Captain’s chamber. Both Kenjiro and Reon entered his room finding their captain on the floor naked.

Y/n has seen Wakatoshi topless many times due to tending his wounds but never has she seen him completely naked.

Wakatoshi turned his head, looking at Y/n with hooded dark eyes. “Y/n…” he groaned, a hand reaching out to her. “I need you…”

Kenjiro and Reon struggled to get him back on his feet, dragging him back to his futon.

“Y/n, you should leave – your presence might make it more difficult for –“ Kenjiro is knocked on his feet when Wakatoshi pushes him aside, trying to stand and make his way towards Y/n. “Y/n, leave!”

Reon interfered and wrapped his strong arms around Wakatoshi, “Wakatoshi, you are not in your right mind right now – please go back to the futon!” He was close to pulling the man with the same body size as his back to the futon until Wakatoshi maneuvered, shoving him off– making him fall right on top of Kenjiro, and knocking the wind out of him.

“Jiro!” Y/n ran towards the two but was caught by Wakatoshi in a bear hug. “Cap – get a hold of yourself!” She tried to pull herself free but it was futile when he held on to her tightly. His nose pressed against her exposed collarbone before she felt his hot tongue lick along her neck.

Looking at an unconscious Kenjiro and Reon who is trying to wake him up, a hand grips her jaw forcing her to look into the dark eyes of her captain.

“Only look at me, Y/n.” He growled, before pressing his lips against hers.

Y/n moaned into his mouth before breaking the kiss. “Reon, take Jiro and leave! I’ll handle Wakatoshi from here.” Reon refused, shaking his head but before he could protest, Y/n commanded him. “Go, now!”

Reon lifted the lanky Kenjiro into his arms and tossed him over his shoulder before hurrying out, closing the door behind him.

Immediately, she pushed against him with her might until he let her go. “Wakatoshi… this isn’t like you.” Her captain, whom she had known for years stalked her like she was his prey.

Jiro’s words earlier echo in her ears, meet his sexual desires…

Letting out a frustrated breath, she began to untie her uniform. Each piece of clothing dropped on the ground by her feet until she stood before him naked. She had some knowledge about intimacy between a man and a woman and heard plenty of tips from the men on her team.

She just needed to trick him, get him on the bed so she could knock him out.

Wakatoshi approached her, he looked taller and bigger without his clothing.

Was his shoulders always this broad? She found herself lost in admiration.

“Y/n,” he murmured, reaching to lift her chin so their gaze could meet. “You’re so…” his eyes drop to appreciate her naked form, “beautiful.” His arm snaked around her waist, pressing her against him.

Y/n gasped, feeling the hard ripples of his body pressed against her but what caught her off guard was his cock she has been avoiding was pressing against her abdominal. She pressed her palms against his chest to put space but Wakatoshi was faster, his hands picked her up easily off the ground. Her arms wrapped around his shoulder and legs around his torso. She can feel his rough callus hands supporting her naked bottom.

“Kiss me, Y/n… please…”

He held her higher, making her look down at him. Her cheeks flushed as he gazed at her desperately, pleadingly for her to put him out of his misery. Leaning down, she pressed her mouth against him, meeting his kiss hungrily.

She has kissed one other man but has never kissed them as intensely as now. She couldn’t recognize the lewd moans that were coming from her mouth continuing to meet Wakatoshi’s movement.

“Wai – wait Captain – “ she broke off the kiss, and flinched when she heard him growl in disappointment. His lips move to her jaw, nipping down to her throat. She looked over at the futon to see if she could get him to lie down, then maybe she could take the opportunity and knock him unconscious.

“I need you,” Wakatoshi murmured against her throat. “Need you now, Y/n… please…”

She gently lifted his face, meeting his dilated pupils with her gaze. Her heart raced faster than ever before. Throughout her entire life, she has never been swayed by anything yet at this moment, her heart and mind wanted to give in. She felt an undeniable yearning to yield, to grant him what he sought. “O – okay,” she heard herself say, “just once…” Her heart skipped a beat when his pouty lips curved into a smile, “don’t – don’t make me regret it…”

Wakatoshi muttered something under his breath before moving. Y/n turned her head to see where he was carrying her and frowned when he walked straight to the dresser and set her slightly on the edge. He pulled away and her eyes locked with his thick hard cock that was leaking from the tip. Her belly was smeared of the white milky essence.

Any words she had was lost as she watched him stroke his cock, her jaw dropped unknowingly as she has never seen something so exotic before.

He stepped forward, pressing the tip to her pussy, bit by bit he pushed forward and groaned, “relax for me.”

The tip impaled her entrance, making her tense at the foreign intrusion. “I can’t…” Y/n shook her head, whimpering, “I’ve never done this before… this is weird…”

“Look at me,” she looked up, the tone demanding her as her Captain.

Wakatoshi pressed his lips to hers, his tongue immediately searching to tangle with hers. As soon as she was distracted, he thrust in one go, fully embedded inside of her pussy.

He wrapped an arm around her back to keep her from pushing away from him. He cooed soothing words kissing her mouth as she swore at him about hurting her.

“You’re okay,” he repeated, kissing her tears away. “You can do this, you can take me, Y/n… I know you can otherwise I wouldn’t need you…”

Her fist gently beat against his shoulders, “you’re too… you’re too big…”

Wakatoshi half chuckled and choked a groan as her hot walls throb around his cock. He slowly began moving his hip in shallow thrusts until her wetness has lubricated his cock. As soon as it became easier for his entire length to penetrate her fully, his thrusts fastened. He groaned, pressing his forehead against hers, “you’re too tight… fuck I love it though… you feel so good…” Her soft whimpers gradually turned into moans as he continued to coo assuring affirmation. “You’re doing good… so good… you’re so good for me.” He hooked one of her legs over his arm, widening her legs to accommodate when he thrust inside her again. “You’re taking me so well…”

Y/n followed his gaze and looked down and was mesmerized at his cock pump into her pussy. How is it that seconds ago it was pain she felt, but now it is pleasure? “Cap – “

“My name.”

She peered up at him, biting down on her lip to hold in her lewd moans she never knew she could make.

“My name, Y/n.” He commanded again with a soft tone, “say my name.”

She shook her head, it felt too intimate saying his name while his cock was buried deep inside of her.

He shook his head with a grin, “stubborn woman.” He hooked his other arm underneath her knee, lifting her completely off the dresser. “Wrap your arms around my neck.”

She followed his command and immediately regretted it when he easily lifted her hips and began thrusting into her at the same time. Y/n’s grip tightened around his neck being at his mercy. “Cap – “

“Say my name!” Wakatoshi growled, nipping her ear. When she still refused, he sped his movement along with bouncing her harder on his cock.

“My Lord!”

Wakatoshi's movement halted as he unexpectedly heard her address him in that term. “Ahh… fuck…” he cursed as his cock pulsated. “Y/n… you little tease…” he whispered hotly into her ear. He just came but he was not close to being satisfied.

Y/n’s eyes widen as she quickly leaned back to look at him when he continue to keep rocking her on his cock. “What –“ The rest of her words turned into a moan as he started to bounce her on his cock. “Wait – you just – “

His hot breath teased her ear as he nipped the lobe, “more Y/n… I need more…”

“Wa – Waka – Toshi! Wait – you’re going too – fast!” Her ears were tuning in the lewd sound of their skin slapping together. “’Toshi! Stop – I feel – I feel weird!” Each time his cock filled her for a split second, it sends a pulse to the place she never knew existed. Her lower belly quivered like she was going to explode any second.

“Let go, Y/n – cum for me…” he whispered and commanded, “cum on my cock.”

Her back arched, her toes curled and her head thrown back as her body trembled. Her pussy throbbed and constricted around his cock. Wakatoshi's low groan mixed with hers as he finally stopped thrusting into her.

Her eyes widen feeling something warm shoot inside of her for the second time. Y/n fell limp against him, her head resting against the crook of his neck and shoulder as the last ounce of strength she had depleted.

Wakatoshi was lost in his world, still coming down from his high. His cock was still hard, the drug had not completely worn off even after such intense sex. “Y/n?” he called her name. When she did not respond he lifted her enough to slip his cock out. He heard something spill and glanced down to see a pool of milky essence.

He could feel her steady breath fanning his neck and secure his grip around her bottom, carrying her gently to the futon.

“Just stay.”

Y/n blinked, breaking out of the memories of how their rendezvous had commenced. “No, I want to sleep in my chamber.” She quickly got up but he caught her wrist, gazing at her with a soft expression that she had seen recently and making her heart race.

“Are you okay?” His tone filled with worry. “Shall I escort you back to your chamber?”

She shook her head, brushing his hand off, “I am okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hurried before he could convince her to stay. Each time, it was becoming a challenge to say no to him.

[5 days later]

It has been a few hours since Y/n finally woke up from days of deep slumber.

All she could recollect from the mission was that they were ambushed. Before heading out, she had an eerie and unsettling feeling about the mission that she had never felt before. Half a day into their mission something did not feel right when her six senses noticed the quietness around them.

Whatever had happened has been blocked out of her memories.

It was evident of her substantial injuries, her right shoulder was bandaged from an arrow piercing, and a stab wound in her left thigh.

Those were expected injuries, however, the one she did not expect and was still wrapping her head around even after the doctor had left her chambers was that she had miscarried.

She was pregnant.

Since the doctor left, her hand had been resting on her abdomen, where her unborn baby is no longer living.

She was foolish to disregard the risk of pregnancy after many nights spent in her captain's bed. He had been careful to withdraw and ejaculate on her body. Y/n was oblivious to the idea that she could still conceive otherwise. Looking back, she must have conceived from her first night with him. It would be likely that she might have been pregnant prior to them making their intimate meetups a routine. She recalled the peculiar feeling of him cumming continuously inside of her the first night and it was that moment when she was lost in her bliss and pleasure she neglected to take any precautions.

The doctor determined the miscarriage was likely caused by the excessive blood loss she suffered. Her wounds themselves had put her body in shock and if the doctor calculated correctly, Y/n was more than three months along in the pregnancy. “You were still in the risky stages of pregnancy, it is nothing to dwell on as most women face this risk altogether.”

Her hand pressed against her flat belly, recollecting a few days prior when she noticed the slight weight gain but did not put too much thought into it.

“Captain went berserk.” Shirabu quietly informed, “you may not know but after everything, we believe that the ambush was to take you out first and then everyone else. Every one of them targeted you while you were trying to keep Captain safe.”

Y/n pondered, confused as to why she would have been the target but it would make sense strategically if enemies cannot get to the main target, then take out their protector first.

“My guess is that if they took you out first, it would be easier to take out the rest of us.” Shirabu stood up, “but please rest, for the time being, you are ordered to rest. Captain has ordered a checklist for the doctor to sign off before you’re allowed to return.” He kept it to himself, but he was sure the Captain would not let her return to active duty. He knew that Ushijima Wakatoshi would never allow her to lift her sword or wear her uniform after this mission.

“Shirabu,” Y/n called his name quietly, “does he – does he know about –“

Shirabu reached for her hand and squeezed it, “yes, he knows but only a few of us, including me and Reon. Do not fret, no one else won’t know.”

After he left her to rest, Y/n stared out the window and she didn’t notice the tears that slipped from the corner of her eyes.

Wakatoshi needed a moment to absorb Y/n’s report. His breath caught in his throat when the doctor reported to him her injuries and informed him additionally, the news of her miscarriage.

“This is precisely why some argue against women serving in the Shiratorizawa Scout regime,” he lamented, shaking his head in disappointment. “This incident alone could potentially lead to her removal as second in command once the report makes it up to the leadership and shame the regime altogether.” Closing his briefcase, he remarked, “the loss of the child has placed a significant mental burden on her. I do not believe she was aware that she was pregnant.” He pushed his specs upward, “even if she isn’t removed from the squad, it’s uncertain whether she’ll fully recover.”

The doctor remained entirely unaware of the identity of the person he was addressing, oblivious to the fact that Ushijima Wakatoshi was, in fact, the father of the unborn child.

Wakatoshi loomed over the diminutive doctor, whose expression swiftly transformed into one of fear. “You will not breathe a word of this outside these walls, do you comprehend?” Wakatoshi cautioned.

The doctor nodded, responding barely audible as he muttered, “un – understood.”

After dismissing him, Wakatoshi sat in his chair in deep thought. Had Y/n really not known she was pregnant all this time? And when did it happen? He had been careful to pull out every time even if he wanted nothing more than to cum inside of her…

“Argh,” he groaned, burying his face into his hands. If Y/n was pregnant, it meant that it must have been from the first time. Memories came flooding back as he remembers the exhilarating feeling when he would watch his cum ooze out every time he thrust back into her. His cock was still hard as a rock even after so many rounds. Y/n would whimper, crying out that she was too full of his cum and he would fuck his cum back into her until they were both sticky with their mixed essence.

“This is all my fault,” he muttered, fingers fisting his hair tightly. She was in this predicament because of him.

Wakatoshi shook his head to shake off the memories, it was not the time to think about the past. He shot up from his seat and headed towards Y/n’s room.

Entering her room with a hushed step, he discovered her seated by the window, her expression devoid of emotion. It was a welcome sight compared to finding her asleep every time he visited.

His gaze shifted to the untouched tray of food and he let out a sigh, remarking gently, “you’ve hardly touched your meal.”

As soon as their eyes met, Wakatoshi swiftly approached her, kneeling by her side and enveloping her in his arms, cradling her delicate form. Aside from tangling their limbs in bed, outside of that, they refrained from touching one another. He whispered softly, his voice filled with concern, “please, tell me. What do you want? What can I do to bring the light back into your eyes?” His words were muffled as he buried his face into her lap, seeking to comfort her.

After a brief pause, he raised his head and gazed into her vacant eyes. Even while kneeling, he remained taller than her as she occupied the chair. Tenderly, he cradled her cheek and gently urged, “Y/n, please, speak to me.”

She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his torso, burying her face into his chest.

His embrace grew tender as he enveloped her, holding her tightly. A hitch in his breath accompanied her trembling form and muffled sobs against his yukata.

All he could offer was a tighter grip, a comforting presence in her time of need.

[2 weeks later]

Reon and Kenjiro did not dare breathe as Wakatoshi was a ticking bomb.

Many often found him intimidating, though he was truly a gentle giant.

But in this particular moment, gentleness was nowhere to be found.

Their gaze fixated on the slightly crumpled piece of paper clutched tightly in their Captain’s hand. It was almost certain that this was the official report regarding Y/n’s release from duty. The entire team had just been informed of her release and had come to inquire more information about it from their Captain, only to discover that he was the last to be informed.

Wakatoshi let out a low exhale, his focus still zoned out as he recollected his and Y/n’s last conversation.

“They will remove me.” Y/n said to Wakatoshi, “promise me you’ll pick Reon to replace me.”

Wakatoshi brought their foreheads together, “you’re not getting replaced, I’ll make sure your report only lists your injuries, nothing more.” He was willing to do anything to keep her by his side. He locked eyes with her, gazing into hers. “You are not alone.” His hand tightened behind her nape, “it was my child too, Y/n.” His statement must have caught her off guard as she flinched. “I may not know the pain you’re feeling, the suffering and the grieving but know this Y/n, I am in pain too. I’m suffering too. And I’m grieving for our child too.” His features softened, and he leaned up to kiss her forehead. “I’ll take all responsibility, I am at fault.” Wakatoshi sighed softly, he cupped her face with both hands, “Y/n, if you can give me six months, I will step down as Captain and we can settle down anywhere you would like.”

Y/n frowned and pulled away from his touch. “No, you shouldn’t do that.”

Wakatoshi frowned in return, “why not?”

“You do not need to do that for me, please don’t do that for me.” She pulls away from him completely, standing up and walking away. “It was not your fault at all, Cap. It wasn’t like you forced me, I allowed myself to get involved with you.”

“And it was my carelessness that made you pregnant, therefore, my responsibility.”

“And I am telling you that you do not need to take responsibility for it.” She shot back, “I am tired, please leave me alone.”

Wakatoshi left without uttering another word, and that marked the final exchange and encounter between them. The next day, he was promptly dispatched on a mission, keeping him away for half a week. Upon his return, exhaustion overcame him, and he slumbered for a continuous sixteen hours. When he finally awoke and sought out Y/n, her room was void of any presence. He initially assumed she might have been on break or he had approached at an inopportune moment, only to find her room empty upon his return each subsequent day.

“Captain,” Reon called out quietly, “what…”

“I don’t know, but I will find out,” Wakatoshi promised, exiting his office. He marched straight into his leader’s office without notice and slammed the letter on the desk. “What is this?” his voice is low and quiet.

The individual whom Wakatoshi regarded as a father figure let out a sigh and removed his glasses, setting the stage for a silent and intense gaze-lock between them. “It is exactly what it means, Wakatoshi.” He sighed, lighting up a cigarette, “I did the best I could to have her be discharged instead of dismissed. You know something like that could not have been swept under the rug.” He exhaled a puff of smoke and the frustration he had been carrying on his shoulder. “Y/n is one of a kind and she has shown nothing but loyalty and commitment to the regime. She will be a great loss to us but you both knew the bylaws.” He eyed Wakatoshi, “if it was anyone, you both would have been dismissed with dishonor but because you both are highly valued, I could only save you.”

“Tell me,” Wakatoshi began, his voice cold, “where in the bylaws states that a relationship cannot be established between a man and a woman?”

“That is the thing, you were comrades, you made the mistake and treated her like a woman.” He shook his head, “look, Waka – we are men and we have our needs but you should have found someone else, not someone who is your second-in-command.” He killed his cigarette and released the last puff of smoke.

Wakatoshi’s face hardened, “what happened and what was shared between Y/n and I is no one’s business when there are no laws that state that a man and a woman on the same Corp cannot seek a romantic relationship.” His body towered over his leader, making him slightly cower. “I’d like to see where that is written.”

“It – it may not be written but it’s definitely frowned upon.” He did not understand why Wakatoshi was making a big deal out of it. “Do you feel for this woman, Ushijima?”

“I owe you no explanation, I will be clearing my office and you will see and accept my immediate resignation letter by the end of the night.” Wakatoshi was out the door before his leader could utter a word, still processing his words.

Y/n gazed at her old and long-abandoned family home, realizing it had been over 20 years since she had last set foot inside. Pushing the gates open, she entered the property and took stock of the work that awaited her to bring it back to its former glory.

The basket in her hand has become slightly heavy filled with vegetables and meat as she shopped. Y/n stared across the market at the textile store, seeing various kimonos on display.

For years, she wore custom uniforms seven days a week, which left her with little need to have kimonos or yukatas, aside from the ones she wore to bed. The few she owned, she had brought with her, but they were all in black. As she examined the yellow kimono with white floral prints, Y/n found herself strangely drawn to it.

“I thought it was you, Y/n.”

Y/n looked up, her eyes widening as a smile graced her lips. “Chigaya Maru.”

She lost count of how many years it had been since she last saw him, from a little boy to a grown adult. His shoulders were broad and well-built, and she couldn’t help but believe that he had likely assumed the mantle of their family’s longstanding sword-smithing business.

“My mom would be so thrilled to hear you have finally returned home.” His expression softened as he smiled, “we’ve all missed you.”

Maru walked beside Y/n in silence as they made their way back to her house. “Come by the shop tomorrow, I’ll show you the pieces I’ve made.”

They made it to the front gates, “sounds good, I’ll swing by soon. Have a good night, Maru.” She entered the gates, closing them behind her. She waited until she heard Maru’s footsteps fade before entering her home.

Her home still required cleaning and some additional repairs, but it was now habitable, and being in this familiar setting brought her a comforting sense of reassurance.

She laid down on the new futon she purchased and rolled over towards the window. For the first time in her life, she felt so alone.

It hadn’t occurred to her that her team may have been strangers at one point, but they all became brothers to her and became a family to her.

The captain’s face entered her thoughts, and she tightly shut her eyes, feeling the pain in her heart intensify, the ache of missing him becoming almost unbearable. Did he know of her absence by now?

In such a short amount of time that they were intimately involved, she would have never imagined how challenging it would be now to walk away from someone when they made you feel… loved and wanted. And made you feel like a woman.

Her hand slipped down and in between her legs as the place in between her legs ached.

Ushijima Wakatoshi made her addicted to his touch.

Her fingers slipped in between her yukata as she pressed the aching nub before sliding the pad of her fingers along her slit like how he always did it.

Y/n rolled onto her back and widened her legs, her finger teased her clit, rubbing it in circles. A lewd whimper escaped her lips the moment her finger slipped past her folds. “’Toshi…”

Her fingers were nothing compared to his but she tried to mimic his movements.

She let her mind imagine that they were his, that he was there in between her legs and fingering her with not one, or two but three of his thick fingers, curling them each time they were knuckle deep.

Her other hand caresses her chest until she finds her perky nipple, twisting and tugging it.

Wakatoshi never spared her nipples, always suckling them like how she had seen a mother breastfeed her baby. She had never seen a woman nurse a baby before and couldn’t help but be reminded when Wakatoshi’s lips found hers and suckled hard.

The naive Y/n had thought with the way he was suckling, milk would come out. “Toshi… you’re sucking too hard… I don’t have milk for you.” She blurted out.

He lifted his head, caught off guard by her comment. “Of course, you wouldn’t have milk, you aren’t lactating.” He chuckled at the confused expression, “you are not pregnant, you do not need to fret about lactating.”

“But you keep sucking like…” she blushed, turning her face away.

Wakatoshi gently gripped her chin and turned her face so they were looking at one another, “like what?”

“Like a… baby.”

“Like this?” he takes her nipple back into his mouth and suckles hard. “Do you like it when I do that?”

She nodded her head, “yes… I do.”

Y/n’s fingers easily thrust in and out of her pussy with how wet she has become. “Toshi…” she repeated, calling his name as her fingers fastened until her orgasm erupted. Her hot gummy walls squeezed and trembled around her fingers.

She looks down, seeing her legs spread wide and fingers still inside her pussy. She had never touched herself before yet, here she is, pleasuring herself the way Wakatoshi did. Her head falls back onto her pillow as she imagined how he would have cum all over her abdomen, his groan each time spurts ejaculated from the tip of his thick cock. She remembered the first time he had done so, he smeared it over her skin like it was lotion.

Y/n spread her palm over her abdomen, rubbing it like Wakatoshi had always done so. Her hand paused as she thought about her child who was no longer growing within her.

She found it amusing how overnight, she could change from a woman who would not hesitate to kill on sight to a woman who grieved for the child she did not know. She never knew the latter woman even existed in her. In an instant, she no longer wanted to be part of the Corp, the almost maternal instinct within her took over and the new her wanted nothing to do with that lifestyle no more. It was best she left the Corp and returned home to settle quietly and start a new life.

[Five months later]

A towel pressed along her forehead, dabbing the sweat she wasn’t even aware of. Maru smiled softly down at her, “don’t strain yourself, Y/n.”

Y/n returned the smile and nodded, “don’t worry, I’m not.” She continued to sharpen the katana.

She was blessed with a job with the Chigaya. They were in need of a sword sharpener and that was a specialty Y/n possessed. The business sales increased drastically within days as many sought to have their sword refined.

“It is a mixture of pressure and light-handed when sharpening,” Y/n informed, showing Maru one afternoon. “You must use the right amount of water along with the pressure to stay consistent and prevent any damage to the sword.”

Maru’s father walks in, carrying a sword carefully in his arms. He set it on a stand, “here is another drop-off.” He sighed, his eyes filled with gratitude as he looked at Y/n. For generations, the family business thrived, but since Y/n had joined the team and taken on the role that had remained vacant for two decades, the business had experienced a remarkable resurgence. The word had spread like wildfire, and Chigaya Swords was not attracting clients from far and wide.

“Thank you, I will get to it shortly here,” Y/n answered with a smile. She does the final wipe-down before sliding the sword she was refining back into its scabbard.

“Y/n,” Maru’s father called her name softly, “where did you learn sword sharpening skills?”

“When my grandfather came for me, I stayed with him while he was still serving in the Corp. Being the only girl, I wasn’t exactly welcomed or liked and the man who was in charge of managing the weapons room, allowed me to help when I would always watch him from his doorway.” She is reminded how she was always pestering the man she called Uncle with questions to the point where he just had her try it out for herself. It wasn’t afterward that he realized that she might be useful to him after all and took her in as his apprentice.

When her Uncle was not welding a sword, he was teaching her how to hold a sword, how to swing, and everything there is to know.

At the age of seventeen, her Uncle encouraged her to join the swordsman tournament within the Corp, the winner would be recognized as a member of the Corp. On the day of the event, she shocked the entire crowd but nothing could be counted against her as there were no rules stating a woman could not participate.

She shocked the crowd a second time in one day when she was the last one standing, winning the tournament.

Y/n turned down the offer to join the Corp, insisting she would become a weapon welder.

For the first time, her grandfather, patted her head, “I am proud of you.”

He was murdered during an abrupt attack on the base. Y/n herself was gravely injured but as soon as her wounds healed, she hunted down the man who was responsible for her grandfather’s death and others.

She returned, bloody and battered but with the head of the Colonel.

Maru’s father affectionately patted her head, evoking memories of her grandfather and uncle, the last two who had done so. “We are deeply thankful to you,” he expressed. “Finding a skilled sword sharpener is no easy task. Not everyone possesses the gift touch to refine a blade as you do.” He looks past Y/n and at Maru, “come, I need your help.”

The two men leave the room that has become Y/n’s sanctuary. She reached to touch the top of her head and smiled. Such a simple gesture but it has always warmed her heart and soul.

Y/n peered out the window, her view obscured by the torrential rain. Rainy days had always made her sword-sharpening sessions feel therapeutic. Her gaze then shifted to the last remaining sword, the one Maru’s father had recently delivered.

She let out a sigh and extended her hand toward the sword.

Just as her hand was about to make contact with it, something jolted her, causing her hand to freeze in mid-air, a mere centimeters away from the sword. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest as she instantly recognized the handle of the sword.

“Your sword, Lord Ushijima,” Y/n spoke softly, carefully lifting the sword with both hands and offering it to him. “I hope you won’t mind that I completed your sword for you. We both know… Uncle would have been honored to present you with this blade.”

Uncle had just completed the construction of a custom-made sword for Lord Ushijima Wakatoshi, only to succumb to a fatal medical condition shortly thereafter. When Y/n and the others discovered him, he wore a serene smile on his face, having peacefully departed from the world.

“I’ve made some adjustments to the handle,” she said, lifting the sword above her head. “I believe a longer handle will be more fitting for you, especially since you swing with your left hand. This added length will provide both increased flexibility and stability in your swings.”

Y/n’s hands trembled as she gingerly lifted the sword. Among the swords she worked on so far, the Captain’s sword was the only one she knew of that had an additional inch and a half added to the handle.

There was but one way to confirm the sword’s owner. With a gentle pull of the scabbard, she revealed the blade, and as she turned it, her breath caught her throat.

As the final touch before handing the sword to its rightful owner, she meticulously engraved the letterings: Shiratorizawa – Ushijima Wakatoshi

E/n: next part might be shorter or like half of this.

@queenelleee @mfreedomstuff @erintaro @callmeraider @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wolffmaiden @cloud-lyy

#haikyuu smut #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu angst #haikyuu ushijima #haikyuu ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima wakatoshi smut #ushijima wakatoshi angst #ushijima wakatoshi x y/n #ushijima wakatoshi x read #ushijima x reader #ushijima smut #ushijima x y/n #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x you

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shewreckz · 10 months ago

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Hey your art is pretty whimsical and radical my gender non specific broseph, per chance would thou be able to enlighten us on how you draw such bodacious fine art? Like how you draw bodies and fave and what have thee. (Fr tho your art really cool and I'd like to see how you make it)

okay i have whipped up a quick little visual of my thought process while drawing!! it might not be the best cause im not the greatest at teaching but if anyones curious ^_^

first lets start with how i draw bodies

a lot of people like to do the "skeleton" method which is where you draw lines and circles to plan out where the limbs should be. honestly i really dislike doing that because i like to always have volume and shape in mind when drawing bodies, but if it works for you thats great.

instead i separate the body into different pieces, kinda like an articulated doll. i think it helps visualize all the moving parts in a 3d space and makes posing and perspective a lot easier. i can also always add the detailed anatomy on top of this basic model like you see on the left. its always important to work from simple -> complex. drawing a pose while being too worried on anatomy will really hinder your drawing process.

to improve doing this it really just takes practice and observation. i could be here all day talking about proportions, and how many heads high a person is, and each specific muscle group, but i reccomend you go and watch videos and study professional artists on your own. as someone who has been drawing and studying these things for so long, i barely think about how many heads high a person is when im drawing a body. its kind of like learning how to play and instrument or driving a car. it becomes second nature eventually, but you have to apply those skills and work through that period of time where youre still trying to program it into your brain.

after you get a hang of the basics you can take this basic model and draw all types of body shapes with it. i say its always important to play around with making your body types diverse. its not only fun to do but helps make all the characters you draw unique and recognizable. (dont be like vivziepop).

dynamic posing can be the hardest thing to master for a lot of people. the best way to learn how to pose is to not think about it too much and just doing it. for example in my figure drawing class we had to sketch out gesture drawings from a picture in 15 seconds. excercises like that help a ton in making you feel more comfortable when drawing from a reference. you should definitely reference a LOT when it comes to poses, it helps build this visual database so that eventually you can get to the point where you can just draw accurate and dynamic poses from memory. after getting to this point eventually you kind of start thinking of your canvas as this tangible 3d space and considering your characters in 3d space helps make the poses feel a lot more realistic and interesting.

ok now a quick little tour into how i draw different faces yaaaayy!!!1!1!1

main thing with my art is that i LOVEEE drawing dynamic face shapes i think its so important to avoid drawing the same slim faces over and over. shape language plays a big role into this. like for example the face on the middle is more square, the one on the left is more oval and the one on the right is more circle. shape language helps communicate so much about your character without even saying a word about them and just helps differentiate people from a glance.

facial features also play a huge role into making your faces different. these are all drawn from the same exact face shape but look like entirely different characters by adding variety in the features. different noses, eye shapes, lips, etc. can make such a huge difference

i think before any of that its important to learn the anatomy of the face though. again im not gonna go into how many eyes wide a face it or how far the nose is from the mouth but like its always important to learn the fundamentals before stylizing stuff. again the face is a 3d space and if you dont consider your face a 3d plane the features will kind of just look like theyre floating on your characters face like soup...theres a lot of great resources and tutorials online take advantage of those!!! and reference from artists you like too it helps a ton.

and then you mix that all together and Boom you have cool and interesting faces. you will best that same face syndrome in no time if you take my advice Trust...

anyways yeah thats the soda design philosophy hit that like button if you liked it or douse me with tomatoes and kick me off the stage if you think i give bad advice ill leave the decision up to you

#soda's art #art tutorial #errmmm yeah idk how to be a teacher im sorry

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catscidr · 6 months ago

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NEED MORE OFFICE DOTTORE PLEAAAAADE HBAUBGUDUHFIBOND

i. note — he’s my guilty pleasure im sry i js CRAVE this mf twenny four/seven ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ ) </3 ii. includes — dottore, afab! reader but no gendered pronouns are used iii. cw — im rambling again heyyy what's new. office setting/modern au, dottore is kinda creepy, implied stalking, obsessive behaviour, their feelings are mutual but dottore comes off too strong and reader is a bit dense, mention of periods, drinking/alcohol, implied drugging (but nothing happens). this sounds bad but its tame he's just a weirdo with a crush and is weird about said crush Trust Me

thinking about office senior! dottore using his status in the company to butt in and work on projects that you’ve been assigned. him slowly but surely worming his way into your life ever since he got a taste of you, unable to let you just be a fling, a one-time thing. he just has to ruin you in every way

he would definitely be sooo aware of your steadily blooming crush on him and would use it against you to then tease you to hell and back. this man knows how to toy with people! he’ll most definitely toy with you!!!

lingering touches bordering on unprofessional but still friendly if you squint, going out of his way to ask your opinion on things during a crowded meeting n putting you on the spot, stepping into the elevator at the same time as you to trap you n initiate small talk……

of course said “small talk” is always… a little weird… when it’s with zandik. he doesn’t talk about the weather, stocks, or whatever mundane task you were working on right before you went on lunch break.

no, he’ll talk about things he shouldn’t know about you, things he’d only know if you told him about them, or things that are just a little too… personal? but maybe you’re being a little uptight. maybe you just… don’t remember telling him some things about yourself. it’s not like he’s talking about anything super outrageous or controversial anyways, it’s fine.

“eating instant noodles every day for dinner isn’t good for you, it’s most likely the reason why you get such bad cramps during your cycle. i would recommend adding some leafy greens to your servings at the very least, or some tofu to help with your iron intake.”

what a weirdo…. but hey, he’s kinda right, maybe you should eat more balanced meals so you don’t keel over anytime soon.

office senior! dottore also often does creepy things but in a nice way? if that makes sense?

for example, when the team is brought out for drinks to celebrate another successful project, he’ll make sure to be the only one sitting next to you. you’ll be squished against the wall and his shoulder, beer in hand, your cheeks burning from the alcohol and the proximity between you two

he’ll keep an eye on you and your alcohol tolerance, but not in the way you think he will. he’ll encourage you to drink more, “you seem tense. here, here’s a refill” he’d say in that smooth voice of his. “oh? you’re stumbling on your words, are your nerves still acting up? have my drink.”

and once you get to the point where you’re leaning over the table, head resting on your arms, only then will he start to actually take care of you.

he’ll place one hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles to help ground you from your dizziness. scold you for drinking so much, all while everyone else at the table glances at you with concern (or as much concern as other drunk and tipsy coworkers can muster)

“you shouldn’t have drank so much if you knew your alcohol tolerance was this poor.”

and the shadow of a smile on his face will turn into something more sinister when you frantically get up to rush to the bathroom. you immediately stumble to the floor, dizzy and disoriented. too dizzy and disoriented.

he’ll catch you before you fall as coworkers express their concern for you, only then noticing how bad your state had gotten now that face-planting directly onto the tatami floor of the bar was a feasible outcome

a chorus of surprised “woah!”’s and “are you okay?” ring out, conversations growing quieter as everyone stares at the stoic, scary superior holding up the rookie that got completely plastered at a work event. some are silently judging, but most are ogling zandik

your cubicle neighbor and work buddy gets up from her seat, stumbling on her way to help you stand up. though she had indulged you in gossip about him before, something about him holding your suspiciously drunk body up made alarm bells ring in her head.

“i’ll take them home,” he declares, voice colder than ice. no one really notices the hostility in his tone, too tipsy themselves to notice zandik’s obvious favouritism towards you. “enjoy the rest of your night.”

...and he diligently brings you to your flat, catching you before you stumble on your feet and trip over nothing. the trip was a struggle for the both of you, though more so for you than for him considering he had anticipated this outcome. maybe next time he should reconsider before giving you so much to drink.

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jellyfemmedyke · 1 year ago

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"I'll also say that this is sometimes supported by the trans man creators, like Jammidoger. It's not just the trans women, it's not just the essayists […]" & "you should feel gender affirmed from the violence done to you because that's just how men are actually".

Thing is, until I found trans men/masc people talking about transmisandry/transandrophobia online, every time I tried interacting with my local trans community, especially with other trans men/masc people, has included them all parroting or agreeing with the above sentiments, and it's why I stopped going to my local support group or interacting with them at all. Hearing those things from some well-known and respected trans women and men in our local community and getting pushback when I wanted to talk about trans masc issues, was just so disappointing.

Which is why I'm happy Jessie made that video and came to the conclusion she did. I left a comment just about my opinion on the matter, that while yes I've felt left out on her videos and wish she included our perspective more often, I also remind myself that she and her co-writer are both trans femme. So I don't take it as intentionally or even unintentionally leaving us out, it's a side effect of people writing what they know, however, that's exactly why I watch her, to get a better perspective for myself of trans women/femme issues.

But there were also lots of trans men and masc people in the comments who said a lot more about what our issues are and the harm it does to exclude us, how we do face similar or even the same kind of violence for the same reasons as trans women and femme people, and that often, her exclusion of us in her videos (especially the Barbie one) is adding onto the already exhaustive history of transandrophobia from within the trans community. While I've not changed or added to my comment, in the face of those others, it felt lacking, but I'm also really kinda exhausted at this point, since I've been fighting against biphobia from both cishet and other queer people most of my life now, so in the face of transandrophobia, I just have no more fight in me and have resorted to elevating the voices of others who do.

Sorry for the rant, you don't have to respond, I guess I just wanted to say thank you for getting a ball rolling and here's hoping it goes farther than other attempts before this.

Hey! I think I actually saw your comment, I thought about it a lot too which is is cool that it's bringing me full circle here but I do also agree in part that because they are trans femmes their thoughts and opinions are bound to be almost exclusively from their perspective. I do also watch for that perspective in part as well, but I feel that bigger trans creators who talk about trans topics, need to remember that there isn't just that one kind.

They have the opportunity to make a difference, to give others a voice, a voice which severely lacking in these spaces. I'm not going to wholesale blame them for perpetuating transandrophobia or anything, but if you're making a video on trans experiences and then leave out a crucial part of that experience, or at worse, uncritically repeat those same ideas as a bigger creator with lots of followers, it can have a serious negative impact on members of that groups and reinforces it, transandrophobia. This reminds me of the video that Abigail Thorne did called Beauty, Food, Mind. A lot of that video is her talking about how fatphobia affects HER, a thin beautiful actress, and doesn't really even mention much of fat struggles, or get fat perspectives, and she gained a lot of criticism within the fat youtube community for it because she had an opportunity and the didn't take it, making fatphobia only about thin people instead. I will be honest, I haven't had much of an irl queer community, I have my friends and I have gone out and interacted, but I'm disabled, and poor. I don't have the chance to go to any sort of community events or anything other than maybe a drag show every now and again especially here were I live now, I moved and am back in my home state, so it does make me nervous to even seek out and find a local community. online it's easier to brush off that kind of thing, not being considered or being talked down to or ignored, and tbh gaslit, but in real life? In my own home area, in my real domain?

I'm not sure I'd know how to cope with that rn, especially because I too have had some, let's just say not great experiences with in few irl trans people semi community type groups.

Lots of people are hurting and they take it out on each other, so I feel like I have to put on a persona, or be more femme to even be taken seriously and that sucks. So yeah, it's a breath of fresh air to be able to talk about transandrophobia online with other men and I'm happy happy happy we have this, but It is disappointing and I think it shows historically why trans men have tended to keep to ourselves.

#asks #transandrophobia

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lean-mean-demon-genevieve · 16 days ago

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Is there any evidence Jared and Gen were friends with Joe Rogan? Jared used to follow him but he doesn’t anymore after his political views came out. That doesn’t mean he ever knew him personally.

I got this ask a few weeks ago and life was lifeing and it didn’t get addressed. But answering it today feels extra appropriate.

I planned to say that while I didn’t have any evidence of Jared knowing Rogan personally, I also would like to question anon’s assumption that Jared unfollowed Rogan because of his political affiliations…because that’s not the impression I got. Again it seems anon may be assuming goodwill and good intentions based on overall liking/being a fan of Jared’s.

If anyone has proof of Jared decrying Rogan for his political leanings, I would love to see it.

If you believe this Reddit thread, Jared unfollowed after some Twitter backlash in 2019:

Liking a post doesn’t always mean that you support everything attached to it, but it’s a stamp of approval of sorts. Jared may have liked the comeback story of the guy in the picture. I believe facts and patterns. Call me a cynic, but I try not to attribute good intentions to anyone who I don’t know personally and especially not someone with an image for sale. This is true of any celeb. But Jared has a well documented habit of popping off and then weakly taking it back. So in this case, I’d much rather hear it from him explicitly that he disagrees with Rogan’s views.

Joe Rogan has been a known bro with problematic views long before he became even more openly right-wing in 2020 following the pandemic. Hence the backlash that caused Jared to unfollow in 2019. So basically, Jared didn’t unfollow until people noticed and it caused a dent in his own image. That’s not the same as cutting ties.

Let us not pretend that unfollowing means anything more than PR. In fact, in August of 2020, Gen had this to say in an interview:

Jared may have unfollowed Rogan’s socials but both of the Pads were still listening to the podcast a year later, per her report. And listening enough to proudly endorse Rogan’s “candor” and attach themselves to him in a public interview.

Gen also endorsed some of the same products as Rogan, including Four Sigmatic (mushroom power for focus) and Butcher Box. In this ad for Butcher Box in March of 2021, Jared can be heard to have more knowledge of Rogan’s promo codes than those of his own wife. So it seems 2 years post unfollowing, he is still paying pretty close attention to Rogan’s content:

Even more recently, The Pads and Rogan both endorse Ways 2 Well; a bougie Austin med spa for all things IV, supplements, stem cells, and otherwise “medical anxiety of the rich” related. Is this a crime? No of course not. But I do think it suggests that they all run in the same circles:

(Don’t get me started on Rogan’s anti-trans views while also receiving gender-affirming hormone treatments.)

Cut to this week, and a former Walker bit-part actor is singing the praises of Jared and Rogan in the same post. (To a Jason Aldean soundtrack, no less. You may recall this turd from his song controversy last year.) The post is tagged at Rogan’s comedy club in Austin, Mothership. Rogan himself moved to Austin in 2020, reportedly in part because of the state’s lack of income tax and because LA was too liberal.

And ok, so this says that David is friends with Rogan and also friends with Jared. And to anon’s point maybe we don’t have a documented friendship between Jared and Rogan but I’d argue that it doesn’t matter to me.

On the night before the US election, Rogan endorsed the then presidential candidate Donald Trump in this promo post for his Elon Musk interview:

An endorsement of this nature, I feel, tells us a lot about Rogan’s beliefs. I don’t have the bandwidth nor space in this post to detail all of those points. But from this leftist’s perspective, it includes endorsement of anti-choice/“prolife” (but also anti public assistance), anti trans right, pro war/genocide, anti climate change, and anti vaxx to name a few.

Pada-fans will often cite Jared’s connection to the Austin-based, pro lgbtq+ non-profit organization Out Youth as evidence of his liberalism. But I wonder what the people of Out Youth will think after seeing this photo of Jared and knowing that he came out to Mothership comedy club to see Rogan’s brand of “anti-woke” comedy. (Rogan was performing that night, per this post.)

Here is an article from an Austin newspaper that details the vibe of the club: X

I also think this bit is…interesting. Go ahead and Google the “vibe” of these other comedians if you’re unfamiliar. Big yikes.

And here are a couple other links that detail the content of Rogan’s most recent Netflix special, for further context on the content of his standup: X and X

I have several friends who are also trans. I, unlike Jared, have also never listened to a single Rogan podcast. But regardless of how big of a personality Rogan is, if I had the opportunity to meet him and get my photo taken with him, my values would give me serious pause. If my friends saw me with my arm slung around this guy, what conclusions should they draw from my smile and the comfort they see? Personally, since I do not agree with anything that Rogan stands for, I would opt out. I wouldn’t want to even risk someone assuming my affiliation.

Jared, on the other hand, did.

At the very least you can say that he was willing to risk the misunderstanding. And I think that’s because he knows it still won’t matter to most of his fans. They will always find a way to excuse his choices.

#anti genevieve #jared critical

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ace-of-clubs-and-diamonds · 1 year ago

Text

Angel Eyes

What Gabriel lacked in refined skill, he more than made up for with sheer enthusiasm.

Rating: Explicit, NSFW 🔞 Fandom: Malignant 2021 Pairing: Gabriel May x AFAB!Reader Word count: 610 Content warnings: Cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, praise kink, hair-pulling, begging, mild religious themes, accidental denial? I guess?, service top Gabriel, reader is AFAB but gender-neutral AO3 link: Here

Author's Note: Y’all this idea has lived rent free in my brain for so fucking long and it’s about damn time I did something with it. My boy Gabriel has a mouth and a tongue and teeth and fingers. What more do you need? This one is short and sweet but I think it’s enough. Hope y’all enjoy <3

What Gabriel lacked in refined skill, he more than made up for with sheer enthusiasm.

A moan slipped out of your mouth. You buried your burning face into a pillow, even as the action made it harder to catch your shallow, ragged breath. And did little to muffle your next moan. The head between your legs just about purred in response, and the vibration of his voice so close to your cunt had you clenching.

“Fuck, Gabriel.” Your voice came out muffled. “Fuck, you’re good. You’re so fucking good.” You rolled your hips at the same time he placed the flat of his tongue against you. Pleasure surged through your veins. Your fingers twisted into the pillow. “F-fucking hell, God. Fuck.”

Gabriel was shaking almost as much as you were. Shivering and squirming as he ate you out like you were his last fucking meal. Sure, his lack of lips made precision harder. Made it messier, wetter. And his lack of skill only added to that. But God, you were already soaked. And his inexperience just drenched you more, made his eagerness and neediness to prove himself and pleasure you so much better. His tongue lavished your clit, dipped between your lips to drink up your leaking wetness. He spread you out between his fingers to better access you, dipping one in to thrust deep inside as he took your clit between his teeth. You writhed, moaned and chanted his name as if it was something holy, bucked your hips as heat pulsed through your gut. It was delicious, it was wet and sloppy and unskilled and fucking hot. Enough to sustain the pleasure but not enough to get you over the edge.

You don’t think he realized how fucking good that felt, too. The accidental tease, the completely unwitting denial. How the desperation tangled in the arousal heightened it all.

He pulled away, breath ghosting over your cunt. The sight of him between your legs, long hair tangled, eyes wide and glazed over, his other arm curled around your thigh, was enough to send another wave of heat tingling through you. You dropped your head back onto the pillow and sighed. “Please, Gabriel. Please.” Just please. He felt so sinfully good, and you’d gladly burn in hell for the burn of pleasure.

You must’ve spoken some part of that thought – at this point, your brain was practically melting out of your ears, and you couldn’t keep track of what you said out loud and what you didn’t. Because Gabriel pressed his teeth against the inside of your thigh, parted them to lick the skin. His equivalent of a kiss. And his voice rumbled out from the nearby speaker, “But you taste divine.”

God, it was such a saccharine, melodramatic thing to say. It made you want to ride him till you saw stars.

And as if he’d thought the same, his tongue was back on you, both arms wrapped around your thighs and leveraging you for better access. You gasped out as he circled your clit and played with the sensitive nub. Teasing, teasing, teasing. You could cry from how good it was, how good he was. You plunged your fingers into his hair and tugged. Desperately rode his tongue and chased your just-out-of-reach release. Didn’t bother to stop the moans and praise flowing out unbidden. His needy whimpers just made it sweeter, made you grow wetter and burn hotter.

His voice crackled out from the speaker again. “You look–” A broken moan that nearly had you seeing white, “–f-fucking angelic.”

And maybe he was right. How could something that felt this good be considered so sinful?

#ace writes #gabriel may #gabriel may x reader #malignant #malignant 2021 #notsft #congratulations to gabriel for being the first slasher i've written more than one fic for and who isn't freddy lmao

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nothorses · 7 months ago

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This isn't intended to be confrontational, because I know your intentions were good, but your note that you know nb they/thems don't have it easier and it's about "your experiences only" feels a little hollow when your original post specifically contrasts your experiences with the experiences of nb they/thems. If that makes sense. If you'd said "I make cis progressive women uncomfortable by being a visibly masc transitioned binary trans man" that's your experience. But when you say "I make cis progressive women uncomfortable by being a visibly masc transitioned binary trans man and not a nb they/them" it does leave room for interpretation about what you're implying about the experiences of nb they/thems. I understand what people mean when they say "cis women are more accepting of nb they/thems because they can lump them in with women" but the fact is that unless the nb they/them in question also ids with womanhood, being lumped in with women IS misgendering. Being lumped in with women isn't a benefit when you're not a woman. There is a massive issue with the demonization of masculinity and manhood in queer circles, yes, but there is ALSO an issue of people lumping in anyone who isn't a man with women ("nonmen"). And it doesn't become less misgendering to be lumped in with women even if you're an nb and not a binary man. When people make the assumption that it's less "serious" for cis women to lump in nb they/thems with women, they're basically also lumping in nb they/thems with women by assuming we're less harmed by being misgendered as a woman than trans men are harmed by being gendered as a woman. I'm not a woman, woman-centric feminism doesn't solve all my issues, and denying the ways I'm different from women harms me. The way people assume being an nb they/them must be easier bc cis women "accept" us feels very similar to the way baeddels assume transmascs have it easier bc cis women "accept" us. Like they just took "cis women view trans men as uwu pure widdle babies to be infantilized rather than as predatory men to be attacked the way they view trans women" and turned it into "cis women view nb they/thems as uwu pure babies to be infantilized rather than as predatory men to be attacked the way they view binary trans men." Again, I know you don't personally believe "nb they/thems have it easier," and I DO believe you that cis progressive women in your life have started treating you worse the more visibly masculine/visibly transitioned you've become (I'm not gonna be like "no your experience must not be true just bc it's not the same as my experience >:(), but that post was just a nudge for me to talk on a certain rhetoric I've seen frequently recently.

this is kind of the thing I was trying to avoid with that tag tbh, and I think I worded it poorly; honestly, it was a tag I added because I remembered having A Stray Thought when I wrote the first post, remembered that I didn't add something I considered adding but not why or what it was, and didn't think super hard about in that moment. I kind of wonder if it would have been better to leave the tag off entirely.

I don't think it's easier for nonbinary folks to be "easier to lump in with women". I think it's more uncomfortable for cis women when they can't lump trans men (or other trans people who were AFAB) in with women. their comfort with lumping nonbinary people in with women does not translate to comfort for said nonbinary people, and I was kind of hoping to avoid people assuming that I was implying as much just bc I didn't go out of my way to clarify otherwise.

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago

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I'm nervous about requesting this since I don't know if it's a good idea, but here goes: Reader goes camping for a weekend and decides to invite Dream to do typical camping activities (canoeing, swimming, hiking, etc) with them on one of those days. Can be pure fluff/slice of life (though I wouldn't mind a little bit of smut too).

Marshies

Dream of the Endless x Reader + Destruction of the Endless x Reader

Summary: "Pardon," Dream shakes his head, "how were you two acquainted again?" Destruction and you turn to each other as you bring your chocolate marshmallows closer to the open fire. In unison, you reply, "Didi."

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: gender neutral reader, camp instructor!reader kinda, unbelievably mopey!dream, puppy!destruction, fluff, jealousy, bro vs bro?, typos, etc.

A/N: HELLO MY BABY LOVE FANGIRLMARY. I AM SO HAPPY YOU CAME TO MY INBOX I DO A DANCY DANCE. I LOVE YOUR URL UR DP AND YOUR REQ SO MUCH I GIVE YOU AN EXPRESS PASS. I havent had a req like this at all i think AHHAHAHA. It's so, how you say, simple and cute which is a great thing to start with for me. n ur like me fr cos i get nervous sending asks T_T so if you're still nervous lemme hold your hand. anyway, it kind of spiraled, and I felt like adding an endless sib so i did and I HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR DESTRUCTION OK 😫 i hope you don't mind huhuhuh and hope you like it my love <3 i think i've used this gif before but its too perfect for the fic not to reuse HAHHAAH Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx @deniixlovezelda @shadow-pancake9

You were a rainstorm and Dream was a sponge, except he didn't know it. With every opportunity he had to be around you, he took you in until he was overcome with an uncomfortable heaviness. He was leaking with grimy emotions. And he was awfully spineless.

Matthew had been croaking from his shoulder, telling him he was a ridiculously wet sponge, and that he had to pull himself together and wring himself up because he was, frankly, disgusting.

That did not bode well for the bird. But this is not about that.

It's about how the lord of dreams did get thinking that. Perhaps, he should in fact act upon these weeping urges, for it was painful to be around you yet not have you.

It was unclear who was more shocked when you suddenly invited Dream for a weekend away, Matthew or Dream himself.

And so with the thickest, greasiest, smuggest smirk, Dream accepted the invitation. He made it known that he was graciously making room in his labor-filled schedule to accommodate your request, but accommodate your request he surely would do.

For the days building to that weekend away, Dream would study all the spectacles that involved camping. He would be camping with you and you would be camping with him; it will be lovely. He visited the dreams of those who enjoyed the leisure, and those who were objectively good at it, soaking in all the things he could learn, much like the sponge he was.

You can only imagine how shocked he was to find that the precious gift of the precious free time you, in your humanly nature, prized so much, was not even a gift to him at all, it seemed. For a gift was not typically shared, not meant to be shared, much less with some 20 other people.

"HEY DREAM!" you beamed, grinning ear to ear as you raised a hand and waved at him the moment you spotted him.

You promptly jogged over and huffed through your smile, "I'm so glad you decided to come! You'll like the people here, I promise."

Dream looks at you as a toddler busts a lung out crying. He cannot find himself to smile, though you do, for a corrosive jealousy was ripping through his stomach. You begin to explain that most of the people present were from the same circles as you,and that you did most of the planning for the weekend. You reiterate that it will be fun.

And yet as your expression softened and your brows raised while you assessed his form, he could not not smile at the sight of your doe eyes.

A dark cloud thunders above him.

He begs to disagree.

"You didn't bring any bags? Any equipment... at all?" you tilt your head.

Dream places his hands behind him, "I find no need for it. After all, anything you can posses comes from nature, does it not?"

You pull your head back and chuckle, "wow, okay, nature man," you grin, "I'm glad you at least dressed for the woods. I would have told you off if you kept your trench coat on."

Dream needlessly brushes off his tank top then places his hands in the pockets of his jogging pants, "I am capable of dressing cordially to the setting."

What he was incapable of doing though, was sharing. But you already knew that. At least he thought you did.

You introduce him to many people, he nods in regard but does no more. When someone calls for your help to set up some things, Dream immediately swoops in and makes sure that he would be the one to help you as you help.

"I must say," Dream starts as he lends you a hand whilst in building some tents, "I thought that today would be a more... intimate setting."

You turn to him as you poked a stick through the fabric, "it is. This is the smallest number of people I've hosted for a weekend at this site."

Dream's eye twitches, "but I had thought," he turns to you with a stern expression, "the invitation was exclusive to me."

To be honest, you were too preoccupied with setting up to notice how serious he was about it. The moment you caught the glint in his eye, your stomach dropped. Your lips part at the grave expression etched across his face. "Uhhhh," you clear your throat, "well, I mean, you're the only person I invited, if that counts for anything."

Dream sucks in a breath as he finishes doing his side of the tent. He walks over to you and helps you with your side. He does not look at you as his hands take yours but he knows in his bones that your eyes were on him. He also knows there was a heat blossoming in your cheeks.

He mutters, "I see," he spares you a moment's glance, "then I am glad."

That didn't last long though.

The next thing he knows, he's made to sit with a group of men, all somehow bearded, laughing over the 'good ol days' over some beer in between scolding the human spawn they had with them.

After that, he was doing yoga with some mothers that were giggling over embarrassing stories, and how good looking he was in between scolding the human spawn they had with them.

And then, well, he was holding a leash of dogs who were eager to run off but not allowed to because their masters where setting up, and so they ended up barking at the human spawn they had with them.

Then, like a true omen, he heard the laugh of the prodigal.

How did he know it The Prodigal? Well, considering the earth shook beneath his sneakers and the flock of birds fled from the trees, he was certain it was him.

Normally, he'd be glad to see his little brother, but when he saw his giant frame next to your smaller one, well, let's just say everyone who was in the middle of a nap at that moment woke up from a terrible nightmare.

"Brother," Dream interjects your giggling conversation.

Dream, needless to say, was salty to see your temperate exchange. He had gone above and beyond to socialize with the people in this camp, and yet here you were with the wrong Endless.

You and Destruction turn to him mid-catching your breath. All Dream could think about was how you had your palm on Destruction's bicep.

Was the temperature dropping?

Destruction perks. He raises his hands and steps forward, "brother!"

Dream is sealed into a tight embrace and is lifted off the ground in the process. His eyes are on you as you look between him and Destuction.

"You two are brothers?" you ask in surprise.

Destruction turns to you as he sets Dream down, "we are!" He slaps Dream's back, making his body flinch to the side. The older of the two grunts where the younger one smiles, "he's my big bro!"

"Oh!" you say with wide eyes. You tilt your head, "well then that explains the odd names."

Destruction gives a hearty laugh. Dream eyes him hotly.

Destruction sighs, "I'll know to call you if I ever did you get my brother to agree to come out somewhere."

Dream grunts.

You shake your head, "I'm equally surprised to see him here, honestly. Most of the time I'm not even sure if he enjoys being around me."

He turns to you upon hearing this.

"He's a tough nut," Destruction retorts, pulling his brother into a side hug, "but he's not hard to crack."

Before Dream can even respond, his brother rakes them both over to the lake, "now, how about we go canoeing!?"

Destruction couldn't have offered a more terrible idea.

The canoe boats were not suited to carry the Endless, much less two at once.

Destruction, ever the gentleman, did not hesitate to plunge ankle deep into the lake, only to ensure that you get into the boat safely. He held your hand as you stepped in, and Dream bristled as he watched.

When his brother turned to him, offering out a hand in order to do the same for Dream, the older of the two practically seethed in annoyance.

He turned his cheek and crossed his arms.

Destruction sighed, "oh, come now, Dream. The canoe awaits!"

Dream is adamant and stays put.

Destruction presses his lips into a line and decides to get in with you.

"Come on, Dream," you urge upon seeing his pettiness, "canoeing is fun! I promise."

One of the many promises you've made thus far.

Dream lets out a breath upon hearing your voice and the yelp-turned-giggle that you release as your tiny canoe rocks because of his massive brother.

Dream holds back an eyeroll as he watches you clutch onto Destruction, as not to rock the boat further. You giggle again, as does his brother.

"Very well," Dream says, walking over to you both.

It was futile however; every attempt in joining the already crowded canoe lead to only disaster.

It was clear Dream could not join in the canoeing, at least not in the same boat.

So the two of you rowed deeper into the lake, and Dream followed after in a separate canoe all by himself. A miserable predicament.

He could hear your soft voice, droning about all the nature facts you knew. It was audible, your excitement. He could not see you, not with his physical eyes at least, but he knew your face was lit up. It always did in moments like this. Destruction listens intently as you speak, though undoubtedly, he knew most of what you were talking about already, being a nature buff himself.

He reacted with excitement accordingly. He gasped, and laughed, and inquired further in all the right moments. He made your voice lift into further enthusiasm. He made it sound so easy. And perhaps it was to him.

Dream then rowed faster, so that, finally, your rides were side by side.

Destruction talked to you about the old sprites and spirits that used to live in these parts. Dream catches how you lean in to listen to his words. His eyes practically burn when he catches the flower in your hair, the same kind of flower that was in Destruction's.

Dream felt like jumping into the canoe across him, but that would hardly put him into your good graces, so he doesn't.

Before he realizes what he is doing, Dream clears his throat then loudly speaks, cutting his brother off, "you know I am friends with the queen of the fairies."

Both you and Destruction turn to him.

Dream ceases his rowing and allows his boat to drift next to yours.

There is a long silence between the three of you.

You turn from Dream to Destruction, jaw turning slack.

Why are you looking at him?

You push your shoulders back and tilt your head, "ah..." you smile at Dream, "I see."

Dream clenches his jaw. That was not the reaction he expected. But then again, he was unsure of what he was expecting.

It's Destruction that diffuses the thickening awkwardness, "he commissioned Shakespeare to write for the queen, you know."

You pull your head back then chuckle, "ah," you smile brighter, "he did, did he?" You turn back to Dream, "and which Shakespearean work would that be?"

Dream lifts his nose, "I have inspired the bard to write a great many plays. Two of them however are specifically for me."

You lean back in laughter, clutching your chest in delight, "ah, is that so? Let me guess, is one of them A Midsummer Night's Dream?"

Dream smiles, "precisely."

You laugh louder, shaking your head, "that's seems about right. I must admit," you sigh as you level your breathing, "I haven't really read that story at all. I... don't think I have the brain power to."

"No shame in that. I personally prefer painting over plays," Destruction notes, claiming your attention once again, "I admit, my attention span is not so suited for long winding plays."

You laugh again but Dream does not enjoy it, "yeah. I don't mean to offend the dead, but I can't really understand Shakespearean at all, so. The language is too outdated for me."

Dream accidentally (intentionally) hits the side of the other canoe. He feigns ignorance for a moment but then turns to the two of you, offering a wry smile, "apologies."

He was not at all apologetic.

In the end, Dream was situated between yours and his brother's shoulders in front of the large campfire most of the people on this wretched camp trip were circled around.

The explosiveness of the day had melted into a solemn and warm nightly gathering. Everyone was doing their own thing, cooking food, passing said food around, sharing stories. There was a strong sense of community. Dream, yet, felt like he did not belong.

The nightmare king, as he was talked over by the two of you, passed the 3rd plate of pie, rhubarb this time, to the person past you, then sunk deeper into his spot.

You were oblivious to him, he thinks

You were not. You noticed he was sulky ever since the canoeing. You offered a stick of animal shaped marshmallows to Dream mid conversation with his brother. He declined and sat up straight.

"Pardon," Dream shakes his head, "how were you two acquainted again?"

Destruction and you turn to each other as you bring your chocolate marshmallows closer to the open fire. In unison, you reply, "Didi."

Ah, Death. That made sense.

"Wait," you raise a finger, turning to Dream. He immediately perks up. Finally, he has your attention.

"If you're related to Didi," you start, "then that means you're-" you point to Destruction, "related to Didi."

Destruction grins, "my big sister!"

"Ah," you smile, "being sweet must run in the family."

"I have had enough!" Dream blurts, standing from his spot. He does this so abruptly that you drop your marshies and it calls the attention of other camp goers, not that he cared at all at this point.

He fails to realize that you did very much care.

You feel the hair at the back of your neck prick as you look up at fiery Dream. He pipes, "you told me it was I that you invited, I and only I, and yet you have done nothing but speak to my brother the whole day!"

Destruction can feel the agitation radiating off you for being put in the spot like that. He raises a hand, "Dream-"

"You are not being spoken to, Destruction," he turns to his brother, "know your place."

Not that you looked, not that you wanted to, but you could feel everyone's eyes burning into your body.

Destruction raises his hands in defeat. He turns to the crowd and sees a few of them were looking on in their direction. He turns back to you then the next second decides he knows what to do. Destruction looks out to the cliff from not too far off, then with the slightest tilt of his head, it falls with a loud splash into the lake.

It effectively distracts everyone who was looking your direction and everyone who wasn't.

"WOW!" Destruction points and stands, "that was a rock falling!"

You stand as well, looking to the people moving over to see what had happened to what, but Dream's grip on your arm keeps you from following.

"Please," he mutters, making you turn to him. His face is mystical in this light. It is shadowy yet so beautiful. "Speak in earnest. I cannot take this any further. I wish to know who between us has your heart."

You are effectively winded by this talk. It came out from seemingly nowhere.

"Is it I or my brother that you want to be with," Dream mumbles lowly, making your entire body freeze.

Your breath hitches, "b-be- what?"

"Must I speak more plainly? You can only have one. I am not particularly generous, and I certainly do not like to share what is mine," he raises his hand. You hold your breath in fear of the sound of your shaky breath when he brushes his fingers against your shoulder, "what I want to be mine," he whispers. "I especially find it difficult to release something that I want-- tenfold knowing what I want could well end in the arms of one of my siblings."

Your heart was echoing in your ribcage and your eardrums at this point.

The thumping would have excited Dream had he not been so green with envy.

"Destruction is dear to me," his soft lips move ever so slightly, "but if it comes to it, I will fight for you."

You nearly choke on your breath and your spit. A fight? One between Dream and Destruction? It sounds like a primordial event. A shiver runs down your spine. You shake your head quickly, "please don't."

Dream knits his brows and shakes his head more surely than you did, "I will."

Your breath hitches, "to be honest-" you blurt, "I didn't realize you- you... liked me like that."

Dream watches as you gather your thoughts.

"You... you do pop up in the strangest places, but I chalked that to something of fate or... proximity," you give a nervous look, "and you're not very good at showing emotions... I normally convince myself that if you didn't want to be around me, then you wouldn't."

He steps forward and places his hand on your cheek. "Allow me to make myself perfectly clear then," he rubs your skin with his thumb. Your skin pricks with goodbumps.

"Think back to the first moment we met. Every moment after, all instances that you have seen me was not coincidence. That was me purposefully reaching out to you, wanting be near you, wanting to see you, wanting to hear you, wanting to be with you, wanting you."

Both his hands are on your face now. His thumbs ghosts over your lips, "I want you."

You gulp.

"Do you want me too?"

You can't speak. You cant think. You can't breathe.

He doesn't let you when he leans in and kisses you. Soon enough, he gets his answer when you grab onto his top and kiss him back.

The forest trembles beneath your feet. Neither of you notice.

There, behind a not too far off tree, Destruction watches.

Matthew, in an announcer voice: In a total 180, the Dream rizz reaches maximum capacity, and in the end, he gets what he wants.

#dream of the endless #the sandman #morpheus x reader #dream of the endless fanfic #the sandman fanfic #the sandman fluff #dream of the endless fluff #morpheus fluff #dream of the endless x reader #dream x reader #the sandman x reader #morpheus fanfic #morpheus x you #destruction of the endless #destruction of the endless x reader #destruction of the endless fanfic #destruction of the endless fluff #the sandman fic

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talesof-old · 1 month ago

Text

silence | b.s.

pairing(s): bran stark x reader

warning(s): mentions of death, mourning, grief, gloomy weather brings that on i’m afraid, unedited, reader’s gender isn’t really specified

word count: 1k

masterlist

being back in Winterfell is harder than you thought (fire + cold mornings, snowfall + nighttime)

Dark blue clouds rolled along the hills and hung low, dumping vast amounts of snow on the sleeping earth.

Not even the sun seemed able to pierce the clouds. A somber mood had swept through the halls of Winterfell like a plague, and even you could not escape it. Your husband had yet to wake, leaving you to wander the halls alone like some mourning ghost. You doubted the sun had even risen yet.

The hot floors beneath you proved to do little to soothe the sorrow that gripped you. You thought of the people who died here. It had been years, and yet as your fingers traced over the grey stone, it felt like yesterday. You circled back to your bedchambers. Bran didn’t like to wake without you by his side, even if he could easily find you through whatever sorcery ran through his veins.

The heavy snowfall deafened you to any noises, absorbing them as you walked and walked and walked. Before long, you came to your temporary rooms. The guard standing at its doors bowed. You smiled in greeting before reaching to push open the heavy wood. They swung open soundlessly. He closed them behind you, and you wasted no time to enter the bedchamber.

“I would say good morning, but waking without you dampened it to just ‘morning’.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you shed your robe. It didn’t stop a smile from invading your face. Bran responded in kind. A chill had taken up residence in your room since you’d left, the fire dying and the window cracked. You added a few logs to the hearth, stirring the coals to relight the wood. They crackled as the flame licked over the their surface. Bran raised a brow as you chose to close the window instead of joining him in bed.

“Don’t give me that look. You get cold far too easily.” Bran settled into the pillows beneath him instead of responding. You shook your head and tugged off your slippers, crawling atop the blankets to nestle beside him. “We have much to discuss with Sansa today.” He sighed, taking your hand in his. His fingers traced over yours, playing with them as he stayed silent. His default response, you’d come to learn since you married him.

You hummed, “We could stay here,” leaning over to press a gentle kiss to his temple. The firewood popped, the room filling with its warmth as the moments passed. Sometimes you forgot how cold the North could get. Winter was just starting to make a dent in the Crownlands.

“We have duties, my love.”

Duty was a fickle thing. You’d much rather spend time here, alone with Bran. He had a way of seeing into you that no one else could replicate, and you adored him for it. You hoped he felt the same. His eyes fluttered shut as you brushed dark strands from his forehead. “Good morning, love.”

The hours stretched long, dragging as the snow continued to fall. Bran and Sansa were locked away in the study, pouring over plans on rationing and trade that might grant more food to the people of the North. You’d taken to spending your day helping with the children after finishing paperwork on the trade of textiles.

By the time night fell, the clouds were parting to reveal the moon. Its light glittered along the fresh snow. The beauty of it surmounted much of what you’d seen in your years of living. A peaceful quiet swept through the land as the snow finally lessened.

Snowflakes drifted through the air, dancing across the dim moon rays that spread across the rolling hills and mountains of the North. A sight you’d not seen until recent years. You leaned against the cold stone balcony, eyes focused on the horizon. Winter had shown no signs of stopping, and the families cooped up in Winterfell were beginning to grow antsy.

“Come to bed, my love.” You spared a glance at Bran. Even he was weary, face pulled taut with some emotion you couldn’t decipher. He pushed the wheels of his chair over to you, fingers grazing yours as you went back to looking at the forest. “It’s late.”

You hummed in response.

“The winter will end.” Bran reached for your hand this time, his fingers warmer than yours. Your skin felt like ice, and he raised them to his lips to press a kiss to the back of your hand. You looked to him again. The firelight behind him danced along the dark strands of his hair. He looked every inch regal as he gazed up at you.

A howl sounded in the distance. You almost looked back at the woods, but chose instead to reenter your bedchambers. Bran followed behind you. He was quiet as ever, eyes sharp as he watched you ready for sleep. Your robes were discarded, your hair wrapped in a silk scarf, your hands coated in lotion. He tilted his head back. He wondered if you knew the sort of effect you had on him.

“The silence snow brings is worse than I remember.”

You crossed the room to stand by him, arms outstretched to assist him into the bed. He stayed silent. Perhaps it was to keep you talking, or his way of agreeing--you weren’t sure. Regardless, you carried on. When the White Walkers came and the Long Night descended, you’d been hidden away in the depths of the catacombs. Sometimes, the sounds still echoed through your mind. They haunted you in these halls. Your visiting of Sansa for several weeks had brought forth a wave of conflicted feelings.

Bran settled in bed. “How will they all be remembered, do you think?” You climbed onto the mattress, covering your body with the various sheets and blankets as you laid down. Bran reached out an arm to pull you closer. You obliged, burying your face into the crook of his neck. Such blatant physical affection was rare; not because either of you disliked it, but merely due to the lack of time spent together. “They will tell the stories of it for many generations.”

He rubbed a hand along your clothed arms, the fabric soft and thin underneath his fingers. You reveled in it. “Perhaps we will have a hand in it?” He let you pull away far enough to gaze at his face. Your eyes shone with hope and grief, a far cry from the usual happiness that resided there. His answering soft smile soothed something in your chest.

“We will.”

+++

#game of thrones #game of thrones x reader #bran stark x reader #bran stark #bran stark fluff #bran stark angst

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novaursa · 6 days ago

Note

Hi not 100% sure what this Hate Anon is on about ad I mostly read your fics if they jump on my page (all are amazing btw) so I may not know the fic they speak of. But I'm gonna say this anyways.

It is YOUR job to take in the content you do, it is not a Fic writers, the government, or your fucking mom, it's YOU. If you read a rape fic that's on YOU!

Obviously this Hate Anon has nothing better to do in their pathetic life than hate on a fic writer for having fun and exploring their writing style.

Now I will say this, do SOME ( like 1%) fic writers go too far and make it fetishy and gross and that's all they write? Yes. But maybe find those and waste your time on them and not someone who is just exploring and trying something new!

Fanfiction will always have the dead doves of the dead doves, they will always have the tooth rotting fluff of the tooth rotting fluff, you can't stop it be abuse this is how it is.

Also to act like your such a holier than thou fighter of this as you hide behind Anon is pathetic, I NEVER use Anon, the reason being if I have something to say I'll say it but I get why people use it. But it's people like YOU hate Anon that makes me wish this isn't a feature on Tumblr.

If I'm honest you sound like those people who hate of Fic writers for not having the characters put on a condom. I will always say this, it's not a fic writer job to make you feel comfortable all the time, if you have a problem with this one hop onto another and see if they fit your taste instead of throwing a tantrum like some three year old in a grocery store being told no.

Sorry if this didn't make sense, you can ignore it if you want. It's probably not formated right but I needed to get this off my chest.

Everything makes perfect sense, and thank you for sharing your opinions and thoughts. 🙂

I subscribe to everything you wrote.

The thing is, this hate anon is one sad woman-child that makes me regret sharing my gender with her and forces me to hate feminism. She has been tormenting this fandom and its writers here for some time now.

She is obviously mentally ill and the book definition of insanity. She always goes in circles on and on with the same arguments and wants some form of validation desperately.

I've waited for her to come to my blog, because just like a stray chupacabra, I tend to follow people home when I'm hungry.

#inbox #on anon hate

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0skeleton-tears0 · 1 year ago

Text

Rosyln

[Jacob Black] X [Reader]

One shot

Prompt: Unwilling Imprint, ANGST

Pronouns: I tried to be gender-neutral but I may have messed up a few times.

TW: DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD AND GORE. Read at your discretion. A little bit of mommy issues lmao. (laughing through the pain rn)

Notes: I don’t have the best grasp on what phones were like in the 2000’s so it’s probably inaccurate. Jake is fine y'all please don’t call paw patrol. JUSTICE FOR LEAH CLEARWATER. A little bit of simping for her because idc she's gorgeous and I love her.

I realized that the timing for this is a little confusing, so its supposed to take place in like the middle of New Moon but I wrote that Seth and Leah had already shifted, which doesn't happen until eclipse so pls ignore that.

THE FUCKING TITLE HAS BEEN SPELLED WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME ITS ROSYLN NOT ROSLYN

꧂☾✮☽꧁

Jacob Black had made it clear he didn't want me in his life anymore. Those last words I had heard from him burned themselves into my memory, into my very skin.

"It wasn't supposed to be you."

I cringed and tried to sink into the bed further, but the mattress wouldn’t let me in. My eyes traced the shapes in the popcorn ceiling of my room, and I tried desperately to think of anything else. Making shapes out of nothing—and stories to go with it. Yet my mind seemed to somehow circle back. Everything seemed to remind me of him. And the last time I saw him.

The rain pounded against the steps of my front porch, drenching my clothes in muggy water. The deafening sound almost tore me away from the boy in front of me. But he wasn't the boy I knew before. He was taller, bigger, and much meaner. He said nothing for a moment, he just stared at me. I couldn’t read his expression—it was many things all at once. There seemed to be some sort of realization, then confusion, and then hatred. A burning hatred that made me want to shrink away from him. It made my skin crawl. I was suddenly very aware of the way my clothes now hung to my skin, the rainwater adding an extra pound or two.

He shook violently, his breath hitching. His eyes darted around like they were searching for something.

I hadn’t expected him to change so drastically in the two weeks I hadn’t seen him. His long, dark hair was cut short. His formerly lanky figure looked like that of a man twice his age. And his dark skin bore an intricate tattoo located on his right shoulder. It was the same tattoo Sam had. Sam, the man he apparently hated.

"It wasn't supposed to be you."

That was the last thing he said to me, before storming away. Into his truck, and out of my life.

It hurt to think about it, I tried to convince myself that it was somehow my fault. That I had said or done something wrong. Something so vile that it would make him hate me enough to leave. But why would he be so angry with me? I had called him, I called Billy. I even tried calling Charlie. No one would give me a coherent answer. Charlie was the only one willing to give me anything. Saying something about how Jacob and Bella had gotten into a big fight, and she was receiving similar treatment. But to know that he had at least had contact with her while having ignored me completely. It stung. It made my skin crawl, and I felt a burning sense of rage. But it was overshadowed by guilt. Maybe it was my fault—or was it selfish to assume that everything in his life revolved around me?

I felt tempted to call Bella. It seemed like she knew the most about whatever had Jacob acting this way. I bit my lip, weighing my options. Bella and I were never close, I knew that Jacob liked her. Jacob liked her a lot—I bit my lip a little harder at that thought. I hated the way he would swoon whenever she breathed in his direction. How he would trip over his feet trying to please her. And yet he couldn’t take the hint that she didn’t want him. And she refused to let him go. Wrapping him around her finger and leading him on, only to pull back as soon as he got his hopes up. I stared at my phone, I had Bella’s number saved somewhere deep within my contacts. The last time I had actually used it was weeks ago when I tried to be friends with her—she had denied my advances of course. I reached for my phone hesitantly. My heartbeat quickened slightly. Would she even answer me? Was it rude to try and talk to her just so I could ask about Jacob? Especially while they were fighting? My finger hovered above the call button. I pressed it quickly, it was worth a shot.

The phone rang for an uncomfortable amount of time, enough for me to start regretting my decision. But before I could chicken out and hang up, Bella answered. She didn’t sound too great. Her voice was slightly hoarse, and it wobbled a bit. It sounded like she was forcing the words out of her mouth.

“Hello?” She answered. It took me a second to remember what I had called her for, though I should have expected this from her. She was almost in the same situation I was in. Almost.

“Hey Bells,” I used the old nickname we had for her when we were kids. I hoped that the friendliness would maybe help convince her to spill the beans about Jacob. “I don't want to pry into your guys’ business, but what's going on with Jacob?” I tried to sound like I was just mildly curious, forcing the worry out of my tone. But I didn't have time to explain my reason for asking before she cut me off.

“He's just not feeling well.” She spoke fast, too fast for me to understand at first. The words jumbled and rushed, slowly connecting in my mind. Not feeling well? He seemed fine to me.

“Oh,” That couldn't be all that was wrong. “Did he say if he was sick?” I questioned. I wanted to drag this conversation out. I wanted to pry as much information as I could from Bella.

She paused on the other side of the phone—I desperately wanted to know what was going on inside her head, to hear what she was keeping from me. There was no way she didn't know more than what she was leading on. “Uh, he said it was Mono. Yeah, he got pretty bad Mono recently so you probably won't see him for a while.” She spit the words out fast. Stumbling over them like the way she stumbles through life. I knew for certain that he did not have Mono. That was the biggest load of shit I had heard since Jacob told me he “didn't have a crush on Bella”. People got Mono from kissing someone else with it, and I knew that Jacob wouldn’t have kissed anyone but Bella. And she was apparently Mono-free.

“Oh that’s awful, when did he get it?” I asked. I had no idea whether or not she knew about my recent encounter with Jacob. Only her answer would tell.

She panicked for a second. “Um, I think it was three weeks ago. Yeah! Three weeks.” She sounded more sure of herself the second time she said it. Bingo.

Bella had always been a bad liar. She’d stutter over her words more than usual, and she’d start to get antsy the longer the lie went on.

“Huh, well that really sucks. If you get a hold of him could you tell him I hope he feels better soon? I haven't been able to contact him.” I didn't plan on telling Bella about Jacob's midnight appearance. She didn't know, which meant she didn't need to know.

“Yeah, I will.” She sounded eager to hang up, so I put her out of her misery. I tossed my phone back onto the bed. And began to calculate my next move.

Bella had no idea that I had seen Jacob, so she had no idea that I was certain he was not sick at all. Sick in the head maybe, but he seemed physically healthy to me. Jacob stood in the pouring rain with no problem, in a sleeveless shirt might I add. And showed no signs of any kind of sickness. From the sound of it, Bella knew he wasn't sick. It was painfully obvious that she was trying to cover for him. I had to come up with some plan of action. I needed Jacob to talk to me. It wasn’t fair that Bella was allowed to know everything while his “best friend” wasn’t.

I inhaled deeply through my nose and exhaled from my mouth. This wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea where he was, and I knew no one was going to tell me. I could beg Billy to tell me what was going on, he could only handle so much of my puppy-dog eyes before he cracked. I could march my way to Sam’s house and demand to know everything. Both plans of action sounded terrible. It felt selfish. I wasn’t really owed anything, it felt wrong to demand that they tell me their secrets. Maybe once I found out I’d wish that I’d left it alone. Stubborn as always, I decided that I was going to find out. You can’t just shut someone out for no reason and then be upset when they want to know why.

I reached for the stale glass of water on my bedside table and knocked back a large gulp. I cringed at the funny taste. My thoughts flew a mile a minute. I came up with a new plan of action. I was going to go to Jacob’s house and wait for him there. He couldn’t stay away from his house forever and I was willing to wait as long as it took. He would talk to me, whether he liked it or not.

I marched to the other side of my bedroom and rifled through my closet. I picked out the first outfit I found, and threw on a jacket. I snatched my keys and marched to my front door. I didn’t care who I had to ask, I would figure this out. There was no way Jacob was getting rid of me so easily. The puddles on the pavement splashed violently as I stomped through them, soaking through the crevices of my shoes and dampening my socks. But I was too preoccupied to care. The car door creaked from the force that I opened it with, I threw myself into the driver's seat and slammed it shut again. I flinched from the loud noise. I need to slow down a bit. I inhaled, closed my eyes, and relaxed my shoulders. I shouldn’t be driving in such a state. I pried my eyes open and started the car, reversing out of the driveway once I heard the roar of the engine.

The long roads that led to the reservation were more familiar to me than the back of my hands. I had driven there so many times, for as long as I could remember. It hurt to think about every other time I had been here. When things weren’t so complicated. When it was Jake and me against the world. Without Bella. I bit the inside of my cheek, focusing on the pain from that instead of the tears threatening to spill. Breaking down crying while driving was not the best idea. I didn’t need to add a hospital visit and a wrecked car on top of all of the other shit going on in my life. I focused on my breathing, and not crashing the car. With every landmark, I knew I was getting closer. It wasn’t long before I was turning down the road that led to Jacob's house. A cozy, barn-esque house. Where I shared some of my most cherished memories. Though the memories were slightly bitter now. I parked the car in his driveway. Billy Black was sitting on the porch, his eyes bored into my very soul, and I fought the urge to avoid them. He huffed and wheeled himself back into the house.

I shoved myself out of the car and marched up to the front door. I pounded on the stable wood, he wouldn’t ignore me too. Billy swung the door open, looking frustrated and concerned.

“He isn’t here [Y/N]. I’ll tell him you stopped by.” He turned to close the door again. It hurt to have Billy turn me away. I had never felt anything other than welcome in his home, but I was treated like a stranger now, he was treating me like a girl scout. I grabbed the door before it could close.

“Then I’ll wait here for him,” I said in the sternest tone I could manage. It killed me to be rude to Billy. But I kept my guard up. I couldn’t show any sign that I would back down.

Billy sighed but made no move to let me in. He glanced behind him into the house, then back at me.

“I hate to do this to you kid, but you really can’t be here right now.” Billy looked me in the eyes again. His tone was stern but comforting. But I couldn’t give up so easily.

“Why not? Why won't anybody tell me what’s going on?” I was more desperate this time, my faḉade dropping. It took everything in me not to start hysterically screaming.

Billy cringed, it hurt him to shut me out. He obviously knew what was going on with his son but something was stopping him from telling me. He looked up at me again, opening his mouth to speak. But his eyes caught something behind me, and he stopped. I turned around. A red truck pulled into the driveway. Jacob sat in the driver’s seat and huffed when he saw me. I looked next to him, of course, Bella was with him. She bit her lip, and blinked way too many times, looking between me and Jacob. He stepped out of the truck and walked to the other side to open Bella’s door for her. He was just pouring salt on the wound at this point. The pair walked toward me, I opened my mouth to yell at Jake, but he walked right past me, Bella in tow. Billy looked disappointed but said nothing. Bella looked back at me with a look that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. It almost looked like sympathy, but there was venom to it. Not quite a glare, but not friendly. I scoffed. Who does this girl think she is?

“Hey!” I shouted. Jacob paused, his shoulders tensed. But he didn’t turn around to look at me. “What is your problem?” I continued, “What am I not good enough for you anymore? Not cool enough to hang out with you and your new friends?” This went much more calmly in my head. A lot less accusingly. Jacob still refused to look at me. But Bella did. She walked toward me and put her hand on my shoulder.

“[Y/N] I really think you should leave.” Bella insisted, but I shoved her hand off of me. I was even more frustrated that she had the audacity to tell me what to do after she tried to lie to me earlier.

“No! I’m not going anywhere ‘till he explains himself! He has no right to just cut me off.” I yelled, more at him than her. But she still flinched, and I felt a little bad. Jacob spun around now, jumping at the chance to protect Bella. He got in my face and pushed Bella behind him.

“Don’t you dare yell at her.” He glared at me. He shoved me back a bit, the force almost sent me flying, but I held my ground.

“I’m not yelling at her, I'm yelling at you, Jacob. Funny how you only speak to me when you want to protect her. And what the hell does “It wasn’t supposed to be you” mean?” I got right back in his face, confronting him about his last encounter with me. His eyes widened slightly, and he glanced back at Bella. She furrowed her brows and looked at him.

“Jake, what are they talking about?” She held onto Jacob’s shoulder and tried to turn him towards her. But he didn’t budge, only turning his head to look at her.

“Don’t worry about it, Bells.” The nickname made me want to barf. Wasn’t she dating that Cullen guy? Oh right. The Cullens had packed up and moved town a few months ago, the whole town had been so worried about Bella since she was so in love with Edward. I had felt bad for her too, her depressive episode was all too familiar to me. Though it seemed she had moved on and sunk her claws into Jacob now. Suddenly I wasn’t too sympathetic toward her.

“He didn’t tell you?” If he wouldn’t, I would. “He showed up at my doorstep in the pouring rain and told me the most cryptic bullshit I’ve ever heard, before disappearing out of my life!” I shouted. It seemed I had called out to some weather god because a light rain began to fall on all of us. But no one made any move to take shelter. At least this was more dramatic now.

Bella looked confused but didn’t press any further. Jacob turned to me again, he looked more frustrated than mad now.

“Look [Y/N], just go away. If I could tell you I would. But you shouldn’t be here right now.” Jacob started to shake, he wasn’t wearing that thick of clothing, so he was probably cold because of the rain. He turned to walk away again, but my hand shot out on its own to grab onto his shoulder. Woah. I was wrong, Jacob wasn’t cold at all. He was hot to the touch. It almost burned.

“Holy shit!” I pulled my hand back, and he turned around frantically, my cry alerting him. “Jacob you’re burning up! I think you need to see a doctor or something.” I looked down at my hand, thankfully it wasn’t burned, only a slight red tint was left behind. Even though I was mad at him, I couldn’t help but worry. As much as I try, I’ll never be able to hate Jacob. I looked up at him, my ‘angry face’ was gone now, a look of worry taking its place. His eyes softened for a moment. His shoulders relaxed, before tensing back up again. His gaze hardened, and he huffed.

“Go.” Was all he said, before turning again. He ushered Bella to follow him, leaving his arm around her shoulder. I stomped forward again and slammed my palm onto his shoulder.

“Hey! I’m not leaving without an answer, Jacob Black. If you think you can get rid of me that easily you are stupidly mistaken.” I let out a sarcastic laugh at the end of my sentence. Nothing was funny about this but I couldn’t help myself. Jacob shook more, and his breathing sped up. He let go of Bella and looked at me.

“I am not going to tell you again [Y/N].” He emphasized each word, “Leave now, for your own good.” For my own good my ass.

“No Jacob, not until you tell me WHY.” I emphasized my words, mimicking his. He shook so hard I was afraid he would combust.

And then he did.

Within a split second, the sounds of clothes tearing filled my ears. And I felt something tear at my arm. I was flung back from the force of it, landing on the muddy ground. White hot pain shot through my entire right side. I felt something warm run down my arm, contrasting with the cold rain surrounding me. But my focus was still caught on what was in front of me. Jacob was gone, replaced with a reddish-brown wolf. It was the size of a horse. Way bigger than any normal wolf should be. My mind felt fried. This couldn’t be real. This had to be some horrible dream or some hallucination. But the pain in my arm told me that this was all too real.

The wolf, presumably still Jacob, snarled and growled for a moment before its eyes caught sight of my arm. I looked down. I could barely see anything past the amount of red. It was my blood. The flesh was torn, ripped almost to shreds. Exposing the pink mussel beneath. I caught a small bit of white. Bone. My breath was rapid. The air entering my lungs burned, it felt like they were trying to rip open. I shook. It took everything not to start screaming. I was in shock. This couldn’t be real.

I looked back up at the Jacob-wolf. His ears flew back, and he shook and backed away slightly. His brown eyes, eyes I knew too well, flickered between my face, and my arm. His tail tucked between his legs, and he ran. With incredible speed, he ran into the forest. My ears rang.

All I could hear was the pounding of the rain and yelling. I heard yelling from all sides. A woman’s voice. And a few different male voices. I heard something thump on the ground across from me. But as my vision blurred, I was unable to make out what it was. Or, who it was. I felt something pull me from the mud. Two large hands grabbed me and held me tight. I was pulled into someone's arms, and I felt us move. The heat was almost unbearable. It was suffocating. I wanted to pull away. To be left on the ground. But I couldn’t pull together the strength to do anything. I felt oblivious to the world around me. Everything was blurry, and moving both too fast, and too slow all at once. I could make out only some of the words I heard around me. Most were panicking. But over all of that, I heard a calm voice yelling orders. I heard more clothes ripping, and two more giant figures ran into the woods. After Jacob.

I heard that same voice from above me, it was calm and reassuring this time.

“Everything is going to be okay [Y/N], we're gonna get you some help” It was distinctly Sam. I knew that tone. It was paternal, it was gentle. But it felt so firm, so firm that I believed every word of it. I let myself relax. Black spots entered my vision, everything was blurry again, and then there was nothing.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

The faint sound of beeping woke me, the shrill noise scraping against my ear canal.

I groaned. My everything hurt. I squeezed my eyes further shut, trying to block out the bright light that threatened to burn my retinas.

My opened my eyes reluctantly as I heard footsteps come through the door. Sam’s large figure came through the doorway. He looked calm, but his brow was slightly furrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, before shutting it again. He looked down for a moment, almost like he was having a conversation I couldn’t hear. Sam inhaled deeply, before stepping towards me. His heavy footsteps resonated through the nearly silent room. The only other sounds were the beeping of the machines next to me. He stepped cautiously towards me, before sitting down in the chair next to my bed. I looked at him anxiously. I knew what was coming, but I didn’t know how. There was no way I could explain what I had seen without sounding insane, “Why yes doctor, my best friend turned into a wolf and mauled my arm. No biggie though.” I bit the inside of my cheek nervously, but Sam gave me a knowing look that calmed me slightly. His look told me he could understand the silent words I was trying to speak.

“How are you feeling?” Sam’s commanding voice vibrated off the walls. I didn’t know how to answer, I assumed he was asking about my arm.

“Fine, the doctors gave me a bunch of meds to make it hurt less so I’m mostly just numb now-”

Sam raised his hand to stop me.

“No, no. How are you feeling.” He emphasized the word. He didn’t mean my arm. It was clear that he wasn’t going to try and cover up what I had seen. I knew there wasn’t much I could say to him. If anyone were to overhear me talking about my friend turning into a giant wolf and scratching my arm, they’d ship me off to the psych ward without a second thought. I bit the inside of my cheek. For a moment, I refused to meet Sam’s gaze. His eyes were intense—they always were.

I tried to think of an answer for him. But I just couldn’t put what I wanted to say into words. He seemed to understand my frustration, and he sighed.

“Look kid, I know that this is going to be hard to understand, but it's time you know the truth.”

I perked up at this. Finally, they were going to tell me what was going on. It only took a traumatizing and unexplainable experience, and my arm getting fucked up to make it happen. Worth it.

We sat there for what felt like hours, as he explained to me the deep, and extensive past of the Quileute tribe's history. How they could turn into wolves, and it was their duty to protect humans from vampires. He also told me about where Bella fit into all of this. The Cullen boy she was dating was part of a family of vampires. And, by proxy, she was now involved with the pack too. But everyone in the pack was sworn to secrecy. And that's why they couldn't tell me. Sam being the alpha made his word law. So they had no choice.

I felt guilt bubbling inside my chest, I was so mad at Jacob and the others for not telling me. But they couldn't whether they liked it or not. It felt like someone was grabbing at my heart and squeezing it. I felt so selfish, so arrogant. I demanded that they tell me everything, and then got myself hurt. I felt so bad.

Sam gave me a sympathetic look, it was as if he understood without me having to speak a word.

“It’s not your fault. Besides, we would have had to tell you anyway.” I looked up at that. But he paused.

“Why?” I asked. It was hard to find the words I wanted to say. I felt like I had so many questions, but forming them together in a coherent manner was impossible. These drugs were fucking with my head. I noticed that the lights were a bit fuzzy now.

Sam looked away and contemplated for a moment. But when he looked back, it was obvious he wasn't going to explain himself. Why does everyone have to be so cryptic all the time?

“I think Jacob should tell you himself,” Sam spoke with finality. There was no wiggle room to try and pry anything out of him.

I sighed. But I didn't try to push any further. I was exhausted. Taking in so much information was hard, especially while I was barely awake. Sam smiled at me and stood. He towered over my bed, making the giant machines look like children's toys. This explains why the Quileute men are all so big.

“I'd better let you rest kid, just come to the reservation whenever you're ready.” He smiled and made his way out.

I sunk back into the firm hospital bed. I ran through everything in my head again. Vampires? Werewolves? What other ghouls should I be worried about? Will I run into a troll the next time I cross a bridge?

I couldn’t pull together the energy to really care at the moment, the only thing I cared about was going back to sleep. I glanced down at my bandaged arm, moving it slightly, and wincing. I sighed, and relaxed my whole body. I tried my best to ignore the beeping, and clamped my eyes shut. I shifted slightly, and felt a jolt go through my entire right side. I grumbled and settled back down, being more weary of my arm this time. I rolled my eyes, this was going to be a long recovery.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

It took a week before they let me out of the hospital. But the stitches in my arm would take way longer to come out. And I wouldn't even be fully healed for a few months.

They gave me fresh clothes since mine were basically ruined. I had to wear a shirt that was way too big for me, and shorts that went down to my calves. My socks were a bright yellow, and the worst texture I’ve ever felt, with grips on the bottoms. This sucked. Stupid Jacob. Stupid wolves. Stupid me.

My mother helped me to the car, but I nudged her away slightly. My arm was hurt not my legs, I could still walk on my own. I half-expected her to try and carry me to the car.

I wasn't allowed to drive while my arm healed, obviously. But at least I got time off of school, and off work. At least one good thing could come out of this mess.

But having so much time on my hands gave me too much time to think. And of course, my mind went to every bad scenario that could happen. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to face Bella. She had seen everything. But I couldn’t really find it within myself to hate her any less. Hate feels like a strong word, but I can’t think of any other word to describe the way I feel about her. It felt like she had ripped my best friend away from me, and left a gaping, burning hole behind. But was it entirely her fault? He chose to leave me, for her. But at the same time, she didn’t make any move to stop him. I sighed. Obsessing over it wouldn’t change anything. My mom glanced at me from the driver's seat. I could see her reflection through the window, as I stared at the beautiful scenery. The rain cast a thick fog across the forest, giving a gray tint to the world around it. My mom's eyes scanned my face, before quickly bouncing back to the road.

“What’s wrong honey?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. So many things were wrong. Jake was gone, my arm is fucked, and I’m way behind on my homework. What was I supposed to tell her?

I sighed, “I just… I just miss Jake.” That felt right. It was the truth, but not in its entirety.

She grimaced, “I know sweetie, but… when people get older, they tend to drift apart. Maybe it’s just time to let Jacob go. Maybe make some new friends?” She always got over things quicker than I did.

“No. He’s my best friend. I can’t lose him.” But what would I do if I did? It was entirely possible now. He had his new wolf friends and… Bella. A shiver of anger rushed through me at the thought of her.

“I know it’s hard but-”

“No! I-” I cleared my throat. I didn’t mean to yell at her. “No, I- I won’t lose him.”

She didn’t respond, she continued to stare at the road ahead. The large pine trees cast a thick canopy above us, rainwater pouring through the gaps in the branches. I sighed and tried to relax. All this stress was bad for my health. I didn’t need to have a full breakdown and end up back in the hospital.

The pine trees gave way to a small path on the side of the road. I caught a glimpse of brown fur vanishing into the foliage. I gasped lightly, which alerted my mother.

“What’s wrong? Did you hurt your arm? You’ve got to be careful with those stitches in! And how did you even-” I cut her off before she could start ranting.

“No, no everything’s fine I just thought I saw something in the forest. Like a bear or something.”

Smooth [Y/N].

She looked hesitant, I couldn’t tell if she believed me, but I prayed she wouldn’t push me. I guess lady luck finally decided to cut me a break because my mom sighed and focused on the road again. I wanted to yell for her to stop the car. I wanted to jump out and chase after him. I didn’t care if I was injured, or if I could get lost in the forest. I wanted nothing more than to just at least talk to him. But after… the incident… would he even want to see me? I held back a sob.

As soon as we pulled into the driveway, I shoved myself out of the car. I needed to be alone for a bit. My mom waited a bit to get out, trailing behind me a few steps. I stood on the porch, waiting for her to unlock the door.

Memories flashed at me in waves. Pieces from my childhood, when Jacob and I would play in the grass, or draw in the driveway with our chalk. When Jacob would pull in with that loud ass truck after school to complain about all the homework he had. And when he struck the final nail into the coffin that was now our relationship. I cringed. Everything would remind me of him now. Ghosts of my past would haunt the hallway. Phantoms of what I had lost. My mother didn’t bother to hide her concern. I’m sure I looked like a mess right now. My hair was unkempt, my eyes dark and sunken in, and my skin drained of its warmth. I felt like a shell of my former self. A ghost walking amongst the living, trying to blend in. I sniffled and shook it off. I didn’t need to scream my anguish to the world. As far as they were concerned, everything was fine and dandy. I let myself in as soon as the door opened, and made a bee-line for my bedroom. I ignored the memories, and my mother when I was asked what I wanted for dinner. I let my legs give out and fell onto my bed. Just inches away from crushing my arm. I sighed, and ran my good hand over my face, trying to wipe the stress away.

I had no idea how long I lay there. Staring at the ceiling, without even bothering to make shapes in it this time. My phone rang, and my computer pinged. But I made no move to check either. Nothing went through my mind. It felt like time was moving at breakneck speed, and I was stuck. Unmoving. I was catatonic. I felt myself going through my nightly routine, showering, brushing my teeth, and taming my hair. But none of it registered. Like an automated machine. I was on autopilot. When I lay back down, I hoped to just pass out immediately. I should be exhausted. And I should be happy to be able to sleep in something other than a hospital bed. But I felt nothing. Something was missing and I knew it.

But minute after minute of laying there, I felt myself start to drift off. Maybe when I woke up, everything would have fixed itself.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was running. Branches and bushes whipped around me, scratching at my arms and face. They caught onto my clothes as if they were trying to slow me down. But my feet carried me through the thick forest. I heard howling, and the sound of something running. But they didn’t stop me. I had to keep going. But what was I running towards? I didn’t stop to think, I kept moving. But I was quickly halted, as a huge, black wolf appeared from the trees in front of me. I stopped as fast as possible, losing my footing and sending myself onto the hard ground. I scrambled back to my feet quickly, without taking my eyes off the wolf. It was as big as Jacob was when he turned into a wolf. More wolves emerged from the forest surrounding me. I could see now that I was in a small clearing, only a few feet big. I turned around, ready to make a run for it. But as I did, I came face to face with a brown wolf. This one was closer than the others. And its eyes bore into mine, nothing was threatening about this wolf. It took a tentative step towards me, and I stepped back. It bowed its head and continued to approach me. But before I could move, its head snapped back up. It growled and snarled. The wolf took a step back. It wasn’t looking at me anymore, but something behind me. I didn’t have time to look before the wolf pounced. Jumping high above me. I screamed and ducked. And then, I was in my room.

I sat up in my bed, panting and sweating. My heart was beating so fast, I feared it would fly out of my mouth. I tried to slow my breathing, I wasn’t in the forest anymore. I was home. I was safe. It was a dream. A really weird dream. I fell back into my bed.

It was clear to me now that the brown wolf in my dream was Jacob. The reddish-brown fur, and the deep brown eyes I had known my whole life. But what did it mean? What was behind me? Why did he attack? Maybe it was just a weird dream, maybe it had no meaning. I assumed that the first wolf was Sam, it seemed a tad bit bigger than the others, and it just felt like it commanded authority. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I rolled over to my bedside table and grabbed at my phone, eventually, my hand made contact, and I turned it towards my face. I recoiled from the intensity of the phone's light, my eyes having been adjusted to the dark. I squinted, 2:45 a.m. Great. It’s not like I was going to school in the morning, not while I was healing. So I could just go back to sleep. But what if I had another weird dream? I could only handle so much weirdness at a time.

The door to my room slammed open, and I flinched at the sudden sound. My mother stood in the doorway, still clad in her nightclothes. She looked frantic, and her eyes studied me.

“What happened?! I heard you scream!” My mother yelled, breathless. I guess when I screamed in my nightmare, I must have actually screamed. That was kind of embarrassing.

“Oh sorry. I had a nightmare.” I looked at my hands, they were shaking still. My mother sighed a breath of relief, but when she looked back at me, she was concerned.

“Honey, what’s wrong? You still won't tell me why you were in the hospital, and now you’re having night terrors? Why can’t you just tell me?” Her voice started to waver, I knew I was hurting her by not telling her.

It pained her to see me like this, but since she didn’t even know what was wrong, she was unable to help me. I felt so bad. But I knew I couldn’t tell her, Sam had sworn me to secrecy, and I wouldn’t betray his trust. Or the pack.

I didn’t really know the boys too well, of course, I knew Embry and Quil, as they were Jacob's other best friends—I didn’t know if I was even considered his best friend anymore, it felt weird to call myself that. After… everything. So of course I knew them well enough. But after the whole shift, and then Bella's situation. We grew apart.

I blinked, snapping myself back to the present. I think I just made mom more concerned.

“It was a dog. I saw some stray dog and I was gonna give it some food, but it attacked me.” I lied, I had to make it up on the spot. She didn’t look convinced, but I’m sure I looked rough enough for her to leave it be. She sighed, and gently grabbed the door handle, contrasting to how she had slammed it just a few minutes before. She glanced at me, before shaking her head and leaving. I sighed, relaxing my shoulders and flopping onto my bed. I thought back to the pack. So many of them were so young, too young to be fighting vampires. I thought back to Embry and Quil. Quil still hadn’t shifted, but Sam told me that they knew he would soon. I thought about how much Embry had changed. I didn’t even really talk to him anymore, but any time I saw him he just seemed different. I glanced at my phone. I probably still had his number somewhere. Maybe I should call? I still had plenty more questions about the pack. Why did they cut their hair off? Why did they go through a growth spurt that drastic? Why was Jacob so mean now? I held my phone in my hand and hovered over the call button.

“Hello?” Embry’s distinct voice echoed through the silent room. I almost forgot what I was going to say, he was still so different, but he sounded the same as he did before shifting. Into a werewolf. The word felt wrong. Like it wasn’t the right way to describe them.

“Uh hey, Embry. I’m sorry did I wake you up?” I tried not to stutter over my words. I had completely forgotten what time it was. I felt bad for waking him.

“Oh hey [Y/N], no it’s fine I wasn’t asleep yet.” Embry’s voice picked up in volume. The tired tone from his voice had vanished, leaving the excited boy I was familiar with.

“I uh, just wanted to ask you a few questions.” It wasn’t like that’s the only reason I called, but it must have sounded like it. Because Embry sounded upset like he audibly deflated.

“Oh, yeah. Of course, uh go ahead.” His enthusiasm from before was lost.

“No! No! I wanted to talk to you too, I didn’t just call for that. It’s just that since I know about you guys now, I can really talk to you again.” I reassured him.

I could hear him perk up at that. “Oh! Of course! Well uh, what’d you wanna know?”

We talked for a long time, and he told me a lot more about the Quiluete boys. How their hair translated to how long their fur was, which seemed stupid to me. That their bodies had to rapidly grow to accommodate their new wolf abilities. But when I got to my third question, Embry stopped. He didn’t answer when I called his name. But in a few seconds, he shook out of it.

“Oh uh, well, Jake’s been going through a lot more hormones than the rest of us, and he… He uhm…” He stuttered over his words, it was painfully obvious that there was something he wanted to tell me. But something was stopping him. I’m getting pretty sick of people being all cryptic and keeping shit from me. “He’s just, well… I don’t think I should be the one to tell you.” I was quickly reminded of my conversation with Sam in the hospital.

“So who should I ask?” I was getting frustrated at this point, but I didn’t let it show through my tone. After all, it wasn’t Embry that I was upset with.

“I think you know the answer to that [Y/N].” Embry finished. Before I could say anything in retaliation, he said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone. I glared at my phone as it flashed CALL ENDED across the screen. I resisted the urge to chuck my phone across the room in anger. Breaking your phone is counter-productive [Y/N]. I went back to my contacts, gazing at one familiar number. I shouldn’t call him so late.

Waiting overnight and thinking about what to say is probably the smart decision. But I didn't doubt that he would ignore my call anyways. At this point he probably had me blocked. I didn’t know if I should be mad at him for that or not. I was calling excessively, and that was bound to get annoying at some point. I thought about going back to his house, and waiting there for him to show up. But that didn’t go too well last time. But if I was calmer this time? My thoughts trailed off. I thought about every scenario possible. I thought about every possible way he could try and dodge my advances, and I thought of ways to make sure that he couldn’t run away from me. I don’t know when I managed to fall back asleep, but sooner than I thought I had drifted away. I was ready to face my problems. Tomorrow.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

“Come on, get your lazy butt up.” My mother barged into my room, ripping the blanket off of me and shaking my shoulders. I winced from the cold air hitting my newly exposed skin and tried to pry it away from her. “Wake up, you have a visitor.” That woke me up. My thoughts raced, was it Jake? Embry? Bella…

I heard a voice from the other room, “It’s okay Ms. (L/N), I could just come back later.”

Bella.

I sighed, slumping back down into my bed. I let my entire body go limp, hoping that I could somehow mold into the mattress and avoid all of my problems. But unfortunately, reality came like a harsh slap to the face.

“No, it’s fine hun! I’ll have them up in just a minute!” My mother called back, making a promise that I really didn’t want to keep.

I groaned into the pillow. My mother grabbed my shoulders again and started to pull. After a couple of seconds of pulling and tugging, I gave up and sat up fully.

“There you go. Now get dressed, we’ll be waiting in the living room.” My mother chirped and flitted to the doorway. “And fix your hair. You look like a mess.” She threw out one last comment on my appearance, shutting the door before I could respond. I sighed, did she expect me to wake up with perfect hair?

I shook off the last of my blankets and forced myself out of bed. I stumbled a bit, letting my legs get used to the feeling of walking again. I dragged myself around my room, grabbing whatever clothes I could find. To be honest, I was tempted to go out in my pajamas, was Bella really worth the trouble of getting dressed? I contemplated it for a minute, but I knew my mother would chew me out as soon as I stepped out of the door. I got dressed sloppily, not caring if I looked presentable or not. I ran my fingers through my hair, taming it as much as I could. I tied it back, hiding most of the mess. I didn’t bother with shoes.

I carefully opened the door, trying to refrain from making too much noise. I slowly shut the door and made my way down the hall on light feet. I rounded the corner into the living room, my mother's back was turned, but I had a clear view of Bella. She didn’t look too much better than me, but it was clear she had at least tried to hide it. Her hair was tied back, but the chunks that framed her face had escaped. Her eyes were dark, with deep bags hanging underneath. Her clothes were too big for her, hanging off of her small frame. I felt big just standing next to her. I felt like if I walked by her too fast she’d crumble. Her emotional state didn’t seem much better either. A small frown permanently occupied her light pink lips. Her eyebrows perpetually furrowed. I almost felt sorry for her.

It only took a moment for her to notice my presence, she looked up and gave a half-assed smile. I formed my lips into a tight line, I could be civil. But she was on my turf. It’s free range here. I smiled a little more at that thought. I made my way to the couch where my mother was sitting and plopped myself next to her.

She pushed me away slightly, “You’re sitting too close.” She murmured.

I made a show of scooting to the other end of the couch, exaggerating my movements as much as possible. She scoffed and looked back to Bella. Her expression brightened drastically as she looked at the girl across from us. Way to make it subtle Mom.

“So what brings you here Bella?” My mother chirped, she took a sip from her mug without breaking eye contact. Bella squirmed under my mother's intense gaze, fidgeting with her fingers and the hem of her jacket.

“Oh uh, I hope it’s not too much trouble but I’d really like to talk to [Y/N] alone.” She stuttered. She avoided eye contact with me entirely. I hoped that I was intimidating her.

My mother deflated as if she was hoping that Bella was here for her. No doubt I would get a lecture later, ‘You should be more like Bella! She’s so much better than you in every way blah blah blah’ etcetera etcetera. I rolled my eyes and shifted around.

My mother straightened again and smiled at Bella. “Oh of course honey! Why don’t you two go to [Y/N]’s room?” I snapped my head toward her, my room? It felt wrong to let Bella in there. As if she was trespassing into my domain like she was tainting my sacred grounds. I huffed, and my mother shot me a deadly glare. I winced and lowered my gaze. I held back a sigh as I pushed myself off the couch, gesturing for Bella to follow me. As soon as my back was turned, I grimaced. She shuffled behind me, watching her every step. Like she was afraid she’s break something if she stepped on the wrong floorboard. I rolled my eyes, knowing damn well I was the same way.

I shoved my door open and waved my arm in front of me in a ‘ladies first’ motion. She gave an awkward smile and walked in. When she was far enough into the room I walked in after her, shutting the door behind me. Every inch of my body was screaming. Screeching for me to shove her out, to get her out of my room. My brain itched and scratched, I wanted nothing more than to scream at her to leave. I smiled, at her and gestured toward the unmade bed.

“You can sit down.” I tried not to sound upset about it. Her sitting on my bed.

She glanced at the bed and hesitated. But she didn’t sit down. She continued to stand in the middle of the room. She bit her lip and blinked too many times.

“Oh, it won't take that long.” She started, “I just… wanted to talk to you about what-” she paused, “What happened.” I knew exactly what she was talking about. And I grimaced, taking a look at my arm. I chewed the inside of my mouth, debating my response.

“Oh yeah… That.” Wow. Absolutely amazing. 10/10 conversational skills [Y/N].

It was silent. Neither of us dared to say anything. Bella opened her mouth for a moment, presumably to say something, but she closed it just as quickly. I shuffled my feet, taking notice of the fact that I wasn’t wearing any socks. Kind of weird to have my feet out right now.

“It’s fine.” I blurted. “My arm I mean, it’s healing all right.” I clarified.

“That’s good. It was uh, pretty bad…” She trailed off, grimacing as she remembered that night. I thought about it too.

I felt tingles run down my arm as my skin remembered the feeling. The feeling of being torn open, the warm blood coating my skin and clothes. Lying on the wet ground with my former friend in front of me. My stomach lurched, and I resisted the urge to double over and empty my guts on Bella’s shoes. I shook my head, shaking the thought away.

“Yeah. But I’m getting better so.” I gave an awkward confirmation, was this all she came for? She could have just called or something.

“Um, [Y/N]... I dont mean to pry but…” Oh god, here we go.

“How are things with you and Jacob.” She asked shyly, shuffling her feet and picking at her fingernails.

I knew this question was coming. I guess it was only fair she wanted to know, but something in my gut told me that it wasn’t just innocent curiosity. I sighed, thinking about my answer for a moment.

“We haven’t spoken since then.” Putting it bluntly seemed like the best idea. I didn’t know if there was a way to sugarcoat it, but I didn’t bother to try anyways. Bella tried and failed, to hide her excitement. I guessed that was the answer she was hoping for. She tried her best to hide the way her back straightened, and her eyes lit up. But as always, Bella was a shit liar.

I gave an awkward smile.

“It’s fine though, I think it’s best to just give him some time before I reach out again.” I ignored the shiver that ran down my spine. I tried to ignore the way that she deflated a little. Maybe she was hoping that I would never speak to him again. She smiled and took one last look at me. Before she politely excused herself. Hopefully to leave my house altogether. As soon as the door was closed, I breathed a sigh of relief. And let myself fall back onto my bed, being careful not to land on my arm this time. I stared at the ceiling. I find myself in this position a lot huh? Whatever. Going back to sleep sounded really good.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was only aware of the events that took place in the next few days secondhand. And surprisingly, I made a new friend.

As usual, the sky was covered in a thick layer of clouds, creating a blanket over the trees. And the air was moist with the promise of rain. I walked briskly, I was completely out of snacks and that would just not fly. What was I supposed to eat? Real food? Absolutely not.

The posters covering the walls of my favorite convenience store brought a smile to my face. The door opened with a loud ding, alerting my presence to the man behind the counter. A sweet old man smiled at me through bushy eyebrows. His big handlebar mustache moved up with his smile.

“Hey, Mr. Barker!” I chirped, making a beeline for the snack aisle. As expected, it was recently stocked, and colorful plastic littered the shelves, drawing me in. What I wasn’t expecting, was Leah Clearwater standing in the middle of the small space. Right in front of my favorite chips. I paused, not wanting to alert her. I didn’t feel like getting on her bad side and getting my head bitten off today. But, as if she could sense me, her head turned quickly. Her beautiful dark hair was cut short, as were her sleeves and shorts. Her russet skin bore the same tattoo Jacob had. I had heard of her shifting recently, and of her father's death. I tried not to let the wave of pity I felt show on my face. I avoided her cold gaze and pretended to check out the other snacks. I would have to wait until she’d moved.

After a few seconds, a hand made its way into my view, holding my favorite kind of chips. I followed the arm upwards until I found the face of the owner. Leah held her hand out, without making eye contact.

“Here, you like these right?” Her voice was assertive like she wasn’t asking me. She was telling me.

I’m sure I looked really confused because my silence made her turn to look at me.

“Pack mind-reading. Jacob doesn’t keep much to himself.” She explained. I grimaced.

I was trying not to think about him. She must have noticed because her lips turned up just slightly.

“He still hasn’t told you huh?” She teased, but I could hear underlying sarcasm in her tone. She sounded upset about it.

“Oh god,” I rolled my eyes, “Not you too.” I groaned.

It took me a second to realize what I had said. And I slapped my hands over my mouth. I snatched the chips out of her hand and started to speed walk out of the aisle. But, to my surprise, Leah laughed. Not like the sarcastic one before, this one sounded genuine. It was a quiet, small laugh.

“I know what you mean kid,” I’m pretty sure I’m older than her. “I felt that way before I joined the pack.” She opened her mouth to say more but stopped herself. She peeked her head around the aisle to look at the old man behind the counter, and the various other shoppers. Mr. Barker was blissfully unaware of us, too occupied with his game of solitaire. She turned back to me and grinned for a split second, it threw me off for a second.

“Do you wanna talk about this at my house?” She gestured behind her with her thumb. Her face was unreadable again.

Oh.

OH.

I felt my heartbeat speed up, just a little. A pretty girl just invited me to her house. What do I do?! I felt my brain moving at lightning speed, trying to come up with a response that didn’t make me sound like a total dork. I prayed that I wasn’t sweating.

“Uh, sure!” I beamed. Nailed it.

She gave a small—noticeably strained— smile, I was sure that she saw through me without any trouble. But to be fair, she’s very intimidating. I mean, she could tear me in half like wet paper—the same went for all of the pack to be honest— and she’d look pretty doing it. I cleared my throat and tucked the chips under my arm. Being careful not to crush them. We went to pay for our stuff quickly, I’m sure the old man could sense my internal panic because he sent me the most heartwarming smile. Stupid old man and his silly mustache. I smiled back of course, before hurrying to meet Leah at the door.

She opened the door, stepping out into the cool air. The rain must have started when I went inside, it wasn’t pouring thankfully. I watched as Leah stepped out into the cold rain with no trouble as if it didn’t even phase her.

I suppressed a gasp as I watched, the water was evaporating as soon as it touched her skin, coming off as mist.

Incredible.

I guess I hadn’t paid much attention to how warm all the members of the pack were. Thinking back on it, I’m pretty sure Jacob did the same thing in the rain. The water had evaporated from his skin as soon as it had touched him. I hadn’t processed it then, with my mind being so preoccupied, I thought I was just seeing things.

I pried my eyes away from Leah. It was rude to stare. But as soon as I did, she laughed quietly to herself, before leading the way to her house. I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought.

The walk to her house was quiet, with nothing but the rain and the sound of cars filling the air. It was hard for me to tell if the silence was awkward or not. I couldn’t see her expression, as she was a few paces in front of me. Damn, she walked fast. She didn’t say anything for the duration of the walk, but thankfully it was short. We made our way up to the front door, she unlocked it quickly. It took a harsh shove for the door to open, it creaked loudly in protest. Leah groaned and held the door open for me. Waving her arm as a gesture for me to go in.

I was getting a lot of deja-vu from when Bella came over. I’m pretty sure I did the same thing. And just like Bella, I sheepishly made my way into the home. Taking in as much as I could, I watched my every step. Leah walked past me, and I followed her instinctively.

She led me to the living room, I repressed a sigh of relief. I didn’t know if I was ready to go into her room. That felt a little too personal. She gestured for me to take a spot on the couch next to her. I carefully sat down, feeling the couch creak a bit. She sighed, before turning to make eye contact with me. I resisted the urge to shy away from her intense gaze.

“So, Jake still hasn’t told you huh?” Leah started, “I guess it makes sense since he’s still got that obsession with the leech-lover.” Her tone was malicious, she didn’t try to hide her disdain for Jacob, and whoever the “leech-lover” was.

“Leech-lover?” I questioned, why would someone like leeches?

She paused and looked back at me. A sense of realization crossed her features, and she grinned.

“Bella, the vampire girl.” She explained. I nodded my head, humming in affirmation. I had almost forgotten about the fact that vampires existed too. And that Bella used to date one.

Wait. Vampires. Does that? Mean what I think?

“Wait, the Cullens were vampires. Did they… eat people?” My voice wavered at the thought, were they responsible for the unexplainable deaths in the area? How many people of Forks had they eaten?

Leah noticed my concern and shook her head.

“No, the Cullens were… vegetarians. They ate animals instead.” She said that like she didn’t believe it, as if it were blasphemy.

“Oh. Okay, that’s a relief.” I sighed, “So there aren’t vampires running ramped through the streets anymore?” I giggled. Leah’s eyes darted away from mine. Oh god.

“Well, not the streets.” She sounded very reluctant to say that. I felt the color drain from my face, my eyes widened, and my breath hitched. There were still vampires? That wasn't the Cullens. They weren’t vegetarian. Leah saw my face and quickly retracted her statement. “No! No! It’s just one and we’ve got her under control.”

“Under control? So what you’ve got her like locked in your basement or something?” I barked out a strained laugh, trying to deflect my anxiety with humor.

“No,” she laughed, before fixing her face to look stoic again. “We’ve managed to chase her off the border, but we can’t figure out what she wants.” So she wasn’t just trying to kill everyone in sight? Good. Great. Cool.

She inhaled and shook her head lightly, “But that’s not what I brought you here for.” She started.

I perked up at this. Finally, I’d get some damn answers. I was confident that Leah wouldn’t be as cryptic as the others. Her blunt nature gave me a sense of security. I knew she would tell me the truth.

“So, did Sam,” she paused at his name, but I didn’t question it. She cleared her throat and continued. “Did Sam ever tell you about imprinting?” She asked.

“Imprinting? Like that thing ducks do to their moms?” What did that have to do with me? The last time I checked they weren’t ducks.

“Sort of. But it’s kind of different in our case. So, well- I… ugh” She stuttered over her words for a moment, “How do I explain this?” She sat there for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Before she inhaled and started again.

“When we imprint, it’s like, the whole world stops. As soon as you set your eyes on your imprint, the world stops rotating for anyone else. They are the only thing that matters, you would do anything, be anything for them. It’s a kind of devotion like no other. And there’s no escaping it.”

She didn’t sound too happy about it, now and then her eyes would narrow. I really wanted to see what was going on in her head.

I was starting to connect the dots in my head, so did this mean Jacob imprinted? On who.

Bella. Of course. Obviously, it was Bella.

I barked a laugh, “Of course.” Leah looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

“Jacob imprinted on Bella!” I could faintly hear her groan, but I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to care. “He imprinted on Bella, but he’s mad she doesn’t like him back so he ended up taking it out on me! Ugh, it all makes sense now.” The way Bella clearly didn’t want me around Jacob, the way he’d always protect her, the fact that he wouldn’t stop pining over her even though she didn’t want him. Of course, it was so blatantly obvious to me now.

Leah sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose disappointedly. I was taken aback, was that not what happened? I glanced out the window, it was getting late. I sighed and picked up my stuff. I got up to leave but Leah stopped me.

“Hey wait, that’s not what happened.” She started, then who was it?

“Jacob didn’t imprint on Bella, he imprinted on-” She was cut off by a loud BANG.

We both whipped our heads to the door, where a young Seth Clearwater stood panting. He barged in frantically and started to shake Leah.

“Leah! We gotta go one of the Cullens is back and Bella’s gonna go to Italy and get them back and Jakes freaking out and, Oh hi [Y/N],” He stopped for a second to acknowledge my presence, but I was still trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

He opened his mouth to continue, but Leah held up a hand and got up from the couch.

“[Y/N], you go home. I’ll catch up with you later.” She ordered, I didn’t have time to say anything before she and Seth hurried out the back door. I jumped from the couch and watched as they ran into the forest, I could see clothes tearing, and fur sprouting. I marveled at the two new wolves, watching them in awe as they darted into the trees.

I grabbed my stuff and hurried out the front door. The rain wasn’t quite pouring, but it would be a pain to walk in. I hurried down the street, trying to avoid the puddles. They splashed violently against my shins, dampening my pants. I cursed but continued.

It took me a long longer than I liked to make it back to my house. I was regretting not just taking my car, but walking was good for me and I needed to save gas. Courtesy of my mother. I stomped to the front door, my wet shoes making small puddles on the porch. I fumbled with my keys, and hurriedly unlocked the door. The house was dark and noticeably empty. Mom’s car was gone, and all the lights were off.

I flicked on a few lights as I made my way inside, but as I set my keys down my eyes caught something.

A brown leather jacket was hanging on the coat rack, it was way too big to be my mom's. And I knew it wasn’t mine. My heart raced, my eyes widened, and my mouth fell agape. Someone was in my house.

I scanned the area around me before my eyes landed on the hallway closet.

Bat! We had a bat in there just in case, and mom called me paranoid. I opened the door as quietly as I could, grabbing the bat quickly. My cold hands wrapped around the hardwood tightly. My knuckles turned white with the death grip I had on the poor stick. I slowly made my way through the house, turning corners quickly, with the bat raised to swing.

I felt a presence behind me, I was sure whoever it was could hear my heart pounding, and my breath hitching. I felt a large hand touch my shoulder gently.

I whipped around and swung the bat with all my strength. It made a sound CRACK as it met its target.

“Hey! What was that for?” I recognized that voice. I knew that voice so well, it was the voice I was praying to hear for weeks.

“Jacob?!” My hands fumbled for the light switch, I squinted as I turned it on. But I was able to see the boy in front of me now. Lo and behold, Jacob stood in front of me, like a giant brick wall. But he didn’t look like Jacob. His eyes were darker, heavy bags hanging beneath them. His skin was de-saturated, giving him a sickly look. His hair was messy, and his clothes were raggedy. I stepped back a bit.

“Jake, what are you doing here? How did you get in my house?! Why were you just waiting with the lights off?!” This didn’t make any sense, he avoided me for weeks, and then shows up in my house all creepy? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand this boy. I untensed my shoulders, and sighed.

He looked away for a moment, he looked embarrassed. “You weren’t here, and I heard Leah say you were at her house so I thought I’d wait here for you. I didn’t think you’d let me in soaking wet.” Of course, Jacob knew where the spare key was. So he wouldn’t have had any trouble getting in without committing a crime. I sighed and looked him in the eyes.

The air was tense, we both just stood there for an uncomfortable amount of time. Neither of us knew what to say.

“I heard what you and Leah were talking about.” Jacob blurted. It caught me off guard before I remembered about their whole wolf telepathy. I huffed. I had so many things I wanted to say, but putting them into words was impossible. I thought of everything at once, before just meshing them all into one.

“Why?”

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so vague, but Jacob looked at me with a guilty expression. It was clear he understood, he knew exactly what I was asking without me even having to say it. I tried not to let it show, but I was trying not to cry. I thought of everything that happened the past few weeks, it felt like it had been years since I saw Jacob. Really saw him.

Within a month I had lost my best friend, fucked up my arm, had my perception of reality shattered, and now my long lost best friend broke into my house. And I still don’t know who he imprinted on.

I sighed and shook my head. “Why did you cut me off, Jacob? What did I do? Was it something I said? Or did I make you upset? Whatever I did I’m sorry-” I started to ramble, I couldn’t even look at him as I choked the words out of my mouth. I had told myself I was ready for this confrontation, but just thinking about it made my eyes swell with tears. I tried not to let my breath hitch.

Jacob looked guilty again, grimacing and looking down. When he looked back at me, he sighed. He held my face gently and wiped the tears from my eyes.

“[Y/N] I’m sorry please dont cry.” It was clear he didn’t know how to comfort me, but he was trying his best. I pushed his hands away harshly and wiped my face with my sleeves.

“I’m not crying, you’re crying.” I hid my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down. I heard him huff and take a step back. When I was ready, I made eye contact again. I didn’t care if I looked like a trainwreck. My hair was frizzy and messy from the rain, my eyes were now puffy from the tears, and I could only assume the bags under my eyes were prominent.

“Well? Are you going to answer?” I demanded, I don’t think it was wrong of me to want some damn answers.

He grimaced, and looked away. His eyebrows furrowed, scrunching together in thought. I watched the way his eyes darted around for a second, I analyzed his every move to try and figure out what would come next. I was waiting for the bad news, for some terrible fate to come crashing down on me. I was waiting for him to look me in the eye and tell me he hated me.

His gaze hardened, and his eyebrows scrunched up. The way they moved seemed harsher this time, more hostile.

“I had no other choice. I won't get you wrapped up in this.” His voice was firm, unwavering. His eyes were dark, completely unreadable. I felt them burn into my skin even as I looked away.

“It’s a little late for that Jake.” I mumbled. His huffed, and I saw his jaw tense. His upper lip curled up slightly, in a menacing snarl.

It was frightening.

I told myself I wasn’t going to be afraid of him. He didn’t hurt me on purpose, I just happened to be standing too close.

But as the boy in front of me shook again, I shook too. My heart pounded against my ribs, I pulled air into my lungs violently. My lungs burned from the force of my breaths. My eyes widened, and I took a tentative step back. I tried my best to hold a tough exterior. But it was obvious how easily Jacob saw through me.

He stopped, and blinked. His cold exterior fell for a second, showing the warm, sweet boy I knew before.

But as soon as it was dropped, he caught himself. I blinked and it was back, sending a shiver down my spine. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a few seconds.

He let out a long exhale, and opened his eyes again. His calm and cool mask was back, no doubt hiding the anger I knew he was feeling.

But he deserved to be upset, after all that transpired. I failed to see where I could have possibly been wrong. What I could have possibly done to piss him off this much.

“I came to say goodbye.” He spoke, his voice didn’t waver for a second. His eyes didn’t move from mine, his unrelenting gaze intimidated me.

“What? Wait why are you leaving?” I asked, I didn’t try to hide my emotions this time. I was baffled, he’s leaving again?

“I just… have to. I’m sorry but this is the way it has to be.” My fat fucking ass it is.

“No it’s not, Jacob stop trying to run away from your problems!” I shouted, “What did I do to you? Why are you doing this to me?” I was frantic now, raising my voice at him.

“Goodbye.” He gave a curt nod, and turned around, making his way to the front door. I tried to grab at his shoulder to stop him but it was no use. He pushed forward, completely unaffected by my feeble attempts to hold him back.

He didn’t so much as glance at me as he opened the door, it gave a loud creek in response to being ripped open so suddenly.

I watched as he walked down the front steps of my porch, into the pouring rain.

I was vividly reminded of the first time he did this to me.

The first time Jacob had ripped my heart out of my chest, crushing it beneath his big stupid feet.

I stood in silence.

Not this time. I wouldn’t chase after him this time.

#jacob black #the twilight saga #angst no comfort #jacob black x reader #bisexual panic #mommy issues #jake is being an ass #originally posted on ao3

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