#as in like adding same gender things to the circles

[musingmemories]

“Fair.” Jun-hee scoffed in echo to the word when it left Myung-gi’s lips. “You don’t get to call out what is and isn’t fair.” Her words followed and layered over his — ignored because Myung-gi liked to hear himself talk a reminder she had to tell herself before heart skipped hearing he still cared about her, and reluctantly fell silent when asked if they could be civil for one night. He had a point — only because Jun-here didn’t want to drawn any unnecessary attention, and for people to get the wrong idea. She had no affiliation with Myung-gi or MG Coin… and if she kept telling herself and others that… maybe it would finally come true after these last six months.

But that familiar touch was now on her stomach, rendering Jun-hee shocked and lying there in the stillness it came with, wondering if this was a dream because before Myung-gi had wanted nothing to do with it. Completely against her will, Jun-hee relaxed, Myung-gi’s soothing circles actually comforting against the cramping whether he’d meant them to or not. The comfort was selfishly craved, and made Jun-hee’s heart ache thinking how unfair it was that they could’ve been like this the entire time if Myung-gi hadn’t run away.

Did she blame him? For bolting when it’d felt like their entire world was falling apart and she’d announced she was carrying the most expensive thing known to existence? Yes. But she also blamed herself for feeling like she’d needed to rely on Myung-gi in the first place, for trusting him so fiercely she’d bet all her money on him, on them, hoping that by having it meant they’d be ready for anything together and Myung-hi would change his mind about not wanting a family. And when it’d all fallen apart… Jun-hee wished love could’ve conquered all.

But this was reality. The world ran on money, not dreams and wishes on stars, woe is me went unheard and were drowned in wept tears absorbed by pillows. Hers back at her old now sold apartment the same fill and flatness as the one tucked under her head. Cheap. It helped her remember where they were, not back at Myung-gi’s like in the past, his familiar scent washing over and lulled her defenses. Is it a boy or a girl? Or.. do you not know the gender yet? Subconsciously, Jun-hee’s hand moved to her stomach, any mention of her baby stirring something maternal and letting it know they’re talking about you through a mother’s touch. But in doing so their hands brushed, and in the sudden tingles from it Jun-hee moved her hand quickly to a different part keeping it there. “I don’t know it yet. I was waiting until they were born to learn.” Information Jun-hee couldn’t help but wonder if Myung-gi would’ve wanted to know.

“Knowing you, you would’ve had your fans betting on their feeling of what it could be before the due date, and live-streamed the birth while still taking bets until the last second. All while preaching your own predictions and calculations.” Despite the disgust that crept into her voice able to picture it perfectly… surprisingly, there was a soft murmur of amusement in her thoughtful hum. Jun-hee had helped Myung-gi with his channel after all, gave her opinions and praised him, celebrated his accomplishments. She also did the instrumentals to fill the silence or when needed for the cuts, intros and outros. They’d even had their own show. Very involved with MG Coin as much as Jun-hee didn’t care to admit. “…I think it’s a boy.” Before Myung-gi could spring onto that vulnerable admittance, Jun-hee added “As my penance for meeting you.”

« @fablesuntold »

@musingmemories

How long were they going to go around in circles and wager the same war with this tiresome blame game? It was becoming tedious to play the part of a scapegoat for everyone else’s misguided actions. Just like he wasn’t to blame for people greedily lapping up the first sniff of something good when investing in Coin they barely knew anything about, he wasn’t to blame that their recent vote to stay or leave had swayed in the O’s favour to stay. And to hear her hint otherwise was a low blow even for her. How much blame could a man be expected to shoulder in this cesspool world full of imbeciles? They were all here to play the games. All here to win money and clear whatever debt loomed over their heads like a guillotine ready to drop. So why stop playing now when they were already in the midst of things? That was his thought process, as selfish as it may have seemed to some. It made perfect sense in his head.

“You can’t keep blaming me for everything wrong in your life. It’s not fair. I wasn’t the only one who pressed O and you know it. You’re just..” Angry. Hurt. And she had every right to be. They could both argue until they were blue in the face just like they had in the past, but now wasn’t the time for it. Not while in such close quarters to other players who could easily use their jaded relationship to their advantage if the opportunity presented itself.

Instead of finishing his sentence, and choosing to ignore her goading question of why he suddenly cared now when in the past he’d acted like the baby didn’t exist, Myung-gi gently shushed her while hesitantly perching himself on the edge of her bed despite the air of animosity still hanging thickly between them. “Regardless of what you might think of me now, I still do care about you. I don’t like watching you suffer, Jun-hee. So can we please be civil for one night?” Whispered once his hand settled against the round of her stomach, he practically felt his breath catch in the back of his throat. Maybe if their circumstances had turned out differently and he they hadn’t lost all of their money, they’d be one big happy family. But then again, maybe not. Myung-gi would never be able to change his ways even if he tried; money and popularity were the only things that mattered to him. Being a parent? It changed a person’s identity completely, didn’t it?

Still.. the what if of it all played in his mind.

Without realising, his gaze had dropped to where his palm had absentmindedly began to rub slow circles on the petite bump in hopes to soothe away her pain. Was he actually helping in any way? It was hard to tell, and he highly doubted Jun-hee would indicate that he was, or thank him for his efforts at least— not that he expected her to. He didn’t deserve anything from her, especially not her gratitude.

Swallowing thickly, the next words that escaped his lips surprised even himself. “Is it a boy or a girl? Or.. do you not know the gender yet?” A thought meant to remain unspoken, blurted out in the spur of the moment. “I know sometimes people have a feeling of what it could be.” While he knew he had no right to ask, it was more curiousity to than anything.. or at least that’s what he had to keep telling himself as his mind began to wonder. What would their baby look like? Would it have Jun-hee’s innocent doe-eyes and naturally pouty lips, or would it have his cute button nose and dimples? Whatever their appearance.. he hoped they turned out to be kind and caring like their mother.

Not too self-absorbed to the point of showing nonchalance to the people around him like he was so often described.

It wasn’t like he was going to be there to watch them grow up anyhow, by choice or not if the games spared him. Him and Jun-hee? There was simply no way back for them. Scorned lovers who would never find any real common ground again with everything that happened between them. And maybe that was for the best. They were toxic together. A recipe for disaster. No baby deserved to grow up in a household like that.

[rubbertplant]

who do you think was the first person to make the trek science division symbol gay.....

[rpgchoices]

The result of the DA romances survey (>2000 partecipants!) - Part 1

2273 people answered the survey, thank you so much! I truly did not expect such a big number and I am so humbled!

With all this data I wanted here to present the general results, and then work a bit more with correlations (ex. Zevran romancers... who did they prefer in next games?) in a part 2. So this part 1 will be a summary (with graphs) of the whole survey. The original survey was here on google form, I reopened it only to allow people to check how each question was written.

This first part is divided in:

General considerations on the sample size

General data

Dragon Age: origins (spoilers)

Dragon Age 2 (spoilers)

Dragon Age Inquisition (spoilers)

Dragon Age The Veilguard (no spoilers)

1. General considerations on the sample size

The survey was open from 16th November to 23rd November and 2273 people answered.

A consideration always must be done of the sample. In this case I wanted to underline that the places where I shared the survey and especially where it found track are well represented, while I definitely missed other portions of the fandom.

In general I shared the survey on tumblr (here), on twitter, on blue sky and on reddit. On twitter and blue sky I received a very small number of likes and retweet, while mainly the survey was shared on tumblr and it received comments here on reddit. Twitter, tumblr and bluesky are more correlated to a closer circle than places like reddit, so for completion sake: my rpgchoices tumblr is mainly about queer romances and videogames with queer content, my twitter is less DA-focused (actually only DA focused recently) and my bluesky is very very small.

Also keep in mind that people who have access to playing data will always have the correct data, because this sample size here reflects the online active fandom (mainly on reddit and tumblr) and not the general player base!

Another thing: I really regret not adding a question about age, gender and where you found the survey!

2. General data

The first question is, of course, which games did you play? People could choose multiple games at one:

I was quite surprised to see that Inquisition was the game most people played, but in general these was little difference between the three main games: DAI, DAO and DA2.

Veilguard (in violet) was divided between "Finished at least once" and "playing" and the sum of the two is 1998, which puts it just after Trespasser.

DAO DLCs are also the less played in general (with Darkspawn chronicles the least played), but with Awakening more played than DA2: Legacy and DA2: Mark of the Assassin.

Now, jumping into romances:

The majority of people seem to have a canon romance for each game (56%). 26% of people instead have different player characters for different romances (just like me!) while 15% of people mix it up!

Regarding the total characters that can be romanced in all the games (please ignore the colors, I messed the up... I am sorry):

For these graphs we can look right at the top and see that in both cases: Alistair is first. Alistair was the character that was romanced at least once and also multiple times the most. The order is the same for the first group of characters (in order): Alistair, Fenris, Zevran, Anders, Solas, Cullen, Dorian. The rest is relatively similar, with only some swaps.

For Veilguard (in violet) the numbers are smaller because the game is still new, so not many occasions to romance multiple characters. Lucanis in both cases was the most romanced in Veilguard and the one most romanced multiple times (126).

There was also another general question at the end, regarding other videogames with romances:

Congrats to the 5 people who played Hero-U rogue to redemption (it was adorable).

The question was framed with (for example) "Baldur's Gate games" so any game from 1 to 3. All these games have romances and are rpg, also if not all of them have queer romances.

Probably thanks to BG3 we have Baldur's Gate games in first place, with 1941 people (almost close to the full amount of the sample!) who played them, followed by the Mass Effect trilogy and Elder Scroll games.

If I can personally recommend games on the bottom half of the list: Pendula Swing (1920s urban fantasy, no combat, queer romances, female protagonist), Sorcery! (male or female protagonist, only 1 romance option who is a guy who tries to assassinate you, 4 games, text rpg, lots of choices, fantasy), Enderal (free pc mod for Skyrim with its own world, lore and story, one of the best game opening scenes ever if not the best, fully voiced, action rpg, queer romance, two tomance options) and Rogue Trader (isometric rpg in Warhammer universe, no knowlegde of the world or lore required, sci fi, turn based combat, multiple romances, queer romances, 1 d/s romance where you can choose to be dom or sub) are among my favorite games ever.

3. DRAGON AGE ORIGINS (spoilers from the game)

Alistair was the romance most favorited by people who answered the survey, with 38% of people choosing him, followed by Zevran (26%) and Morrigan (18%). A very small amount of people (3%) had no one as their favorite/canon romance.

Second fav romance was basically the same graph again!

Regarding the player character:

Female human Warden (Cousland) was the Warden that seems most played by the sample size, both for being considered the canon one (surpassing second place: female city elf, by almost double) and for being played at least once.

I also found it interesting that the order of female and male characters is the same. In general female Wardens are more popular (68%) but the order of popularity for origin being played at least once is still: human noble, city elf, dalish elf, elf mage, human mage, dwarf noble and dwarf commoner.

For what is considered canon, the order seems to change, with city elf male falling down the other elves, and human mage being even less popular.

There were also two questions about Morrigan and Alistair's destinies, but people let me know I missed some options, apologies! So take these with a grain of salt:

4. DRAGON AGE 2 (SPOILERS)

For favorite romance in DA2 we have Fenris taking even a bigger % of "fav romance" than Alistair in DAO (and keep in mind Alistair had less competitors!), followed by Anders (24%) and Isabela (15%).

Interesting for the second favorite romance it is the "No second favorite, only one favorite" that wins with 31%! This means that in DA2, a 31% of people just have a strong preference for one romance only.

Regarding the player character (Hawke):

(top graph) purple female Hawke seems to be the one that is preferred as canon Hawke, followed by purple male hawke. Red hawke (both genders) was the least chosen one.

(bottom graph) in general, Marian Hawke had a higher number of players (played at least once as) than Garrett Hawke, but the difference was not as big as we saw between female and male protagonists in DAO.

(pie graph) regarding the customization, the majority of people (51%) customized all of their Hawke, indipendently from gender and playthrough. A big number (33%) instead used the default Hawke, while others preferred a mix of the two (depending on gender or playthrough).

VARRIC!

39% of players would have romanced Varric in DA2 if he had been available! But interestingly this pie is divided in almost equal parts between yes, no and depending on how the romance actually was (which was the one I chose!).

5. DRAGON AGE INQUISITION

Solas was the most chosen romance (as favorite or canon) in DAI, with 25% of people choosing him. Dorian is second (18%) and Cullen third (15%). The no one (3%) is comparable to the same answer in the previous games.

Maybe unsurprisingly Sera was the least favorite romance among the companions (sigh... she is my canon one), with The Iron Bull also having very similar numbers to her (that surprised me, I admit it!). Josephine was the favorite female romance in DAI (11%).

As for DA2, when I asked about the second favorite romance there was a high number of "no second favorite" (19%), followed by Dorian, then Josephine. I think the fact that we do not have the same order as before (Solas, Dorian, Cullen) might mean that the Solas and Cullan romancer are very dedicated to their romance, especially Solas - who had only a 9% of people that chose him as a second favorite romance.

Regarding the Inquisitor:

Female elf (Lavellan) had an incredibly high number of people choosing her as their canon inquisitor, more than double second place (human female). The rest of the Inquisitors are not too different (a part from dwarves who again get the least amount).

For the question "which of these inquisitors did you play at least once" the order of the choices are pretty similar, with "female elf", "female human", "male elf" and "male human" (in this order) at the top.

Regarding the choice for Divine Victoria:

The majority (60%) chose Leliana as their Divine. In second place instead we had no canon Divine or a change based on playthrough. Vivienne (my Divine!!!) was the least chosen one (I am starting to feel some of my choices are very unpopular haha).

Now, for who did you leave in the fade:

It is pretty clear that (black and red graph, last on the right) Stroud was the easiest to leave in the fade.

(blue and red, first graph on the left) Hawke was also saved the most in games that had Loghain as the other option, with a similar percentage of people that chose to leave Loghain (82%) or Stroud (85%).

Surprisingly this flips (central graph, grey and red) when the choice was between Alistair and Hawke. Hawke in this case was the one left in the Fade, even if in less extreme % (67%), with Alistair being the one usually saved. Which checks out given Alistair was the most popular romance choice in DAO among the people who answered this survey.

6. DRAGON AGE VEILGUARD (NO SPOILERS)

And here the tentatively presented Veilguard results! I say tentatively because we are still very close to release, and a lot of people did not have the time to experience the full game or multiple romances.

In fact, only 11% of people completed multiple playthroughs. 46% completed the game at least once, while 31% are still playing it for the first time.

Regarding the player character, I only added questions regarding factions as they seem much more influential than elf/qunari/dwarf/human:

This was a multiple choice in case people tried different factions! Shadow Dragons, Mourn Watches and Grey Wardens have very similar numbers and are the top three. Surpringly, Veil Jumper was on the bottom (with Lord of Fortune being the least chosen).

Regarding the romances:

Before players started the game it seems like they had an idea among the characters who were romancable, with a lot of people being interested in the three male characters (Lucanis, Emmrich, Davrin) followed by Neve, Harding and Taash. Surprisingly, Bellara was even lower than "none/no spoilers".

In the first game, people followed more or less what they were interested in, with 28% of people going for the Lucanis romance, followed by Emmrich (19%) and then Davrin (16%). Following we have Neve, Harding and then Bellara, which this time surpassed Taash.

When we look at "who is your favorite romance" (graph on the left) we see that things changed based on expectation/who you tried to romance first.

Lucanis is not first anymore, but we actually have Emmrich (23%) as the favorite romance, followed by No one (19%) and only then Lucanis (15%). Davrin is in fourth place with 14%. The rest follows the same order as before, but all the female characters and the one non-binary characters are under "Multiple beloved equally" which is 9%.

Regarding the second favorite romance, maybe (because the game is so new) it is to be expected that the option that wins is "None/I only have one" with 36%, followed by Emmrich (16%) and then Davrin (13%). Interestingly, Lucanis fall to just a 7% under the "Multiple" (11%). I think (like we saw before for Solas and Cullen) it seems like the people who like Lucanis romance him and might not have a second favorite.

I hope you enjoyed this summary!! I cannot wait to make even more graphs and see what else is in this data!

[rootedinrevisions]

Unplanned Journeys: Part 2

SUMMARY: The journey through pregnancy unfolds as you and Jake navigate each milestone together. From the nerves at your first doctor’s appointment to the tender moment when Jake notices your baby bump for the first time, everything feels more real with each step. At the anatomy scan, you find out the gender, sparking sweet discussions about names and the future. As you work together to set up the nursery, Jake’s suggestion to move in makes your growing family feel even more complete. Finally, the big day arrives, and after an exhausting labor, you hold your baby in your arms—marking the beginning of the next chapter of your life.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to the Anon who sent the request for this in! I hope you enjoy it! Also, there will be AT LEAST one more part to this coming. I haven't decided yet how long I want to make this story quite yet.

WARNINGS: Angst. Unplanned pregnancy.

WORD COUNT: 4.2K

TAG LIST: @omgbrianab I @shanimallina87 I @fanficmom94 I @smoothdogsgirl I @djs8891 

If you would like to be added to my Tag List please feel free to comment, send an ask, or send a DM and I'll be happy to get you added!

The sterile scent of the clinic filled the air as you sat in the waiting room, nervously tapping your foot against the tiled floor. The crinkle of a magazine in your lap was the only thing distracting you from the tight knot in your stomach.

It was a familiar setting—nothing new about doctor's offices, after all. I mean you'd been to the doctor's before. But today felt different. Monumental.

Jake sat beside you, his hand resting on your knee, his thumb brushing small, soothing circles. Every so often, his gaze would flicker over to you, checking in silently. His calm presence should have grounded you, but the nerves were relentless, pulsing under your skin. This wasn’t just any appointment. This was the first time you’d be seeing your baby.

“Breathe,” Jake murmured softly, his voice low so only you could hear. “You’re squeezing the life out of that magazine.”

You glanced down, realizing your knuckles were white as you gripped the edges of the glossy pages.

You let out a shaky breath and loosened your hold, giving him a small smile. “I didn’t even notice.”

“I did,” he said with a teasing grin, but his eyes were soft. “It’s gonna be okay.”

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to feel that same confidence radiating from him, but the fear was still there, gnawing at the edges of your mind. What if something was wrong? What if—

The sound of your name being called jolted you out of your thoughts. You stood up, your legs feeling like jelly beneath you, and Jake rose with you, his hand slipping into yours. His grip was firm, reassuring, as you followed the nurse down the hallway, your heart pounding in your chest.

The exam room was small but cozy, with pale blue walls and an exam bed in the center. The ultrasound machine sat next to it, and just seeing the equipment sent another wave of nerves washing over you. This was really happening.

The nurse smiled kindly, gesturing for you to take a seat on the exam table. “We'll have you go ahead and undress from the waist down. You can lie back and make yourself comfortable. The doctor will be in shortly.”

As you lay back, the flimsy paper sheet thing they had given you covered your midsection down to your thighs. Your stomach twisted with anticipation. Your mind raced with a thousand thoughts, but Jake was there. He took your hand, his thumb tracing small patterns on the back of your hand.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he repeated, his voice steady and calm. “Whatever happens, we’re in this together.”

You nodded, swallowing hard. You wanted to believe him—to trust that everything would be fine—but the uncertainty still clung to you.

Moments later, the doctor entered, a friendly smile on her face as she introduced herself. She explained what would happen at this appointment in a calm, soothing tone, but you barely registered the words. Your mind was too busy spinning with possibilities. Would there be a heartbeat? Would everything look normal?

The doctor dimmed the lights and began preparing the ultrasound machine. Your breath hitched as she spread the cool gel across your abdomen, and you instinctively squeezed Jake’s hand a little tighter. His other hand moved to brush a stray hair from your forehead, his eyes never leaving yours.

“You ready?” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jake leaned closer, his forehead almost touching yours. “No matter what, we’ll figure it out. You’re not in this alone.”

His words gave you just the slightest bit of comfort, enough to make you nod as Dr. Bennett pressed the probe gently against your belly. The room went silent for a moment, the sound of the machine whirring softly in the background as the image on the screen flickered to life.

And then you heard it.

A soft, rhythmic thump. Steady and strong.

You blinked, your breath catching in your throat. There it was. The heartbeat. Your baby’s heartbeat.

“There we go,” the doctor said with a smile, her eyes focused on the screen. “Everything looks good so far. Strong heartbeat.”

You stared at the monitor, unable to tear your eyes away from the little flicker of life that appeared on the screen. Your baby. It was so small, just a tiny blip, but it was there. Real. Alive.

Jake’s hand tightened around yours, and when you looked over at him, you saw the same awe mirrored in his expression. His eyes were fixed on the screen, his usual confident, laid-back demeanor replaced by something softer—something you had never seen before.

His lips parted slightly as if he was about to say something, but no words came out. He was just as overwhelmed as you were.

Tears pricked at your eyes, the emotion of it all finally hitting you. You hadn’t realized how much you’d been holding in until this moment—until you saw the heartbeat, heard that steady rhythm, and knew that everything was okay.

Jake finally spoke, his voice quiet but filled with awe. “That’s… that’s our baby.”

You nodded, too choked up to speak, the tears spilling over. Jake’s hand moved from yours to gently brush them away, his touch tender and reassuring.

“Hey,” he whispered, leaning in closer. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

You nodded again, but this time it wasn’t out of fear or doubt. It was because you finally believed it. Everything was going to be okay.

The doctor smiled warmly, snapping a few images for you to take home before wiping the gel off your stomach. “You’re measuring right on track. I’ll see you again in four weeks, but everything looks great.”

As she left the room, Jake turned to you, his eyes still wide with disbelief but now filled with a quiet kind of joy. “That was… I don’t even know how to describe it.”

“I know,” you whispered, your heart still racing from the rush of emotions. “I can’t believe it either.”

He reached out, gently placing a hand on your stomach, where the gel had just been wiped away. His touch was soft, reverent, as if he was afraid to press too hard. “We’re really doing this, huh?”

You covered his hand with yours, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours. “Yeah,” you said, your voice full of wonder. “We really are.”

Jake smiled, a soft, genuine smile that made your heart ache with affection. And for the first time since finding out, you felt the panic slip away. You were scared, yes—but with Jake by your side, you knew you could handle whatever came next.

Together.

* * * * *

You stood in front of the mirror, towel wrapped loosely around your body as you brushed your hair, your reflection catching your eye more than usual. Something had changed. It was subtle—barely noticeable unless you really looked—but it was there. The soft curve of your belly, just below the towel line, had begun to take shape.

You placed your hand on it, fingers tracing the gentle swell. It felt strange, unfamiliar, and yet… there was something deeply comforting about it. A quiet reminder of the life growing inside you, inching its way into the world.

Jake was in the other room, probably scrolling through his phone or flipping channels, oblivious to the tiny moment of realization you were having. The baby bump hadn’t fully registered with you yet either, but standing here, in the soft morning light filtering through the bathroom window of his place, you couldn’t deny it. Your body was changing. The bump was there.

Part of you wanted to hide it for a little longer, to savor this secret for yourself. But a bigger part—one that was filled with excitement and curiosity—wanted to share it with Jake. To see the look on his face when he realized just how real this was becoming.

After drying off and slipping into one of Jake’s old t-shirts, you wandered into his bedroom where he was sprawled on the bed, head propped on one hand as he absentmindedly flicked through a football game.

You leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, a small smile tugging at your lips as you watched him. He didn’t even notice you at first, too engrossed in the game. But eventually, he must have sensed your gaze, because he turned his head, his eyes finding yours instantly.

“Hey,” he said, grinning lazily. “What’s up?”

You hesitated for a moment, chewing on your bottom lip before you took a deep breath and stepped closer to the bed. “I… I want to show you something.”

Jake raised an eyebrow, pushing himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, his curiosity piqued. “What is it?”

Your heart fluttered with nerves, but you moved to stand in front of him, the oversized t-shirt hanging loosely on your frame. You took another breath, then lifted the hem of the shirt just enough to reveal the small, gentle swell of your belly.

Jake’s reaction was immediate. His eyes widened, his breath catching as he stared at the bump, the soft curve that hadn’t been there before. For a moment, he didn’t say anything—he just looked, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

Then, slowly, a smile spread across his face. Not just any smile—one of those rare, breathtaking smiles that lit up his whole face, eyes crinkling at the corners, as if he’d just discovered something truly magical.

“Is that…?” he started, his voice soft with awe, before trailing off. He reached out, his hand hovering near your belly like he was asking permission.

You nodded, unable to speak past the lump in your throat.

His hand made contact, fingers splayed gently over the bump, as if he was afraid to press too hard. He rubbed his thumb lightly against your skin, tracing the small curve with a mixture of wonder and joy. It was like he couldn’t get enough of the moment—couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that this was real.

“That’s… that’s our baby.”

You smiled, tears welling up in your eyes as you looked down at him, his expression so full of love it made your heart ache. “Yeah,” you whispered back. “I'm starting to show.”

Jake shook his head slightly, still in awe, his hand moving slowly over the bump like he was trying to memorize the feel of it. “I can’t believe it,” he murmured, his gaze never leaving your stomach. “I mean… I know we’ve been talking about it, but seeing this—it’s real, isn’t it?”

You nodded, feeling the same mix of disbelief and excitement swirling inside you. “Yeah,” you said softly. “It’s real.”

He looked up at you then, his eyes shining with emotion. “You look beautiful,” he said, his voice low and sincere. “Even more beautiful than before.”

A warm flush spread across your cheeks at his words, but before you could respond, Jake stood up, pulling you gently into his arms. His hands settled on your waist, his thumbs brushing the bump as he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

“I can’t believe I missed this,” he said with a small laugh, his lips still close to your skin. “How long have you noticed?”

You leaned into him, resting your head against his chest as you let out a quiet laugh. “Not long,” you admitted. “I only really noticed today.”

Jake pulled back slightly, just enough to look at you. “Well, I’m glad you showed me,” he said, his smile still lighting up his face. “I don’t want to miss any of this. Not a single second.”

You reached up, cupping his cheek with your hand, your thumb brushing over his stubbled jaw. “You won’t,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “We’re in this together, remember?”

He nodded, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips—soft and sweet, filled with all the emotions neither of you could quite put into words.

As the kiss ended, Jake’s hands found their way back to your belly, his fingers brushing over the bump again. He looked down, his face full of wonder as if he still couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“This is crazy,” he murmured with a small chuckle, shaking his head. “But it’s also… amazing.”

You smiled, your heart swelling with affection for him. “Yeah,” you said softly. “It really is.”

Jake wrapped his arms around you again, pulling you close, and for the first time, the two of you just stood there, holding each other, feeling the tiny life growing between you. It was a quiet, beautiful moment—a shared realization that everything was changing, but in the best way possible.

* * * * *

The soft hum of the ultrasound machine filled the small exam room as you lay back on the table, Jake seated beside you, his hand tightly holding yours. The lights were dim, and the air was thick with a mix of nerves and anticipation. You weren’t sure if it was the faint chill of the gel the technician had spread across your belly or the fact that in just a few minutes, everything would feel a little more real.

Jake squeezed your hand, his thumb rubbing small circles into your palm, silently telling you that he was right there with you, just as anxious and excited as you were. You turned your head to look at him, catching the faintest hint of a smile on his face, though his eyes were glued to the monitor in front of you.

“Alright, let’s take a look,” the technician said, her voice calm and friendly as she moved the ultrasound wand over your belly. The screen flickered with shapes and shadows, the sound of the baby’s heartbeat filling the room, a rhythmic thud that made your own heart skip a beat.

Jake’s grip on your hand tightened slightly as both of you stared at the screen, trying to make sense of the images. The technician moved the wand slowly, explaining the different parts—the baby’s head, arms, legs. But the moment you’d both been waiting for was still ahead.

“Are you ready to find out?” the technician asked, her eyes flicking between the two of you.

You nodded, biting your lip, a nervous excitement bubbling up inside you. Jake leaned closer, his eyes wide with anticipation.

The technician smiled, and with a small movement of the wand, she pointed at the screen. “Congratulations,” she said softly. “You’re having a baby boy.”

The words hung in the air for a moment, sinking in. A boy. You felt Jake’s hand tense, then relax as a slow grin spread across his face. He glanced at you, his eyes shining with pure, unfiltered joy.

“A boy,” he murmured, the words barely audible, as if he was saying them more to himself than to you.

You smiled back at him, your heart full. “Yeah,” you whispered. “A boy.”

Jake let out a small laugh, his free hand moving to rest on your belly, his thumb brushing over the slight bump. “A little man,” he said, his voice filled with wonder. “I can’t believe it.”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, the relief and excitement finally washing over you. Everything felt a little more real now, a little more tangible. You had a son—a baby boy who was going to turn your entire world upside down in the best possible way.

After a few more minutes of watching the baby wiggle on the screen, the technician handed you some printed images from the scan, and soon you and Jake were heading out of the clinic, stepping into the cool air of the parking lot.

The ride home was quiet at first, the two of you still processing the news. Jake’s hand rested on your thigh as he drove, the soft buzz of the radio playing in the background. You glanced over at him, noticing how he was still grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.

“You’re really excited, huh?” you teased, though the warmth in your voice gave away just how much you loved seeing him this happy.

Jake glanced at you, his smile widening. “Hell yeah, I’m excited. We’re having a boy. That’s… that’s huge.”

You nodded, feeling the same excitement bubbling up again. “I know. It’s crazy.”

A comfortable silence settled between you, but you could feel Jake thinking, his mind already racing ahead. And then, almost predictably, he asked the question you’d been waiting for.

“So,” he started, his tone casual but with a hint of curiosity, “have you thought about any names?”

You let out a small laugh, turning to look at him. “Of course I’ve thought about names,” you said. “I’ve been scrolling through Pinterest boards for weeks now. I’ve got a whole list.”

Jake raised an eyebrow, glancing at you briefly before focusing back on the road. “Oh yeah? Let’s hear ‘em.”

You pulled your phone out, scrolling through your saved baby names. “Okay, well… I’ve always liked the name ‘Caleb.’ It’s kind of classic but not too common, you know?”

Jake nodded thoughtfully. “Caleb’s nice. What else you got?”

“Uh, let’s see… there’s ‘Wyatt,’ ‘Eli,’ and ‘Noah,’” you said, rattling off a few more names you’d saved.

Jake seemed to consider them for a moment, but then he let out a soft chuckle. “Those are good,” he said, his tone warm. “But, uh, I was kind of thinking about something more… I don’t know, meaningful? Maybe a family name.”

You raised an eyebrow, curious now. “A family name?”

Jake nodded, glancing at you again. “Yeah, like… well, my granddad’s name was ‘Jameson.’ I always thought that was a strong name. And my dad’s middle name was ‘Robert.’”

“Jameson Robert,” you repeated, testing it out. “That’s pretty solid.”

Jake smiled, clearly pleased. “Right? It sounds like a name you could grow into. A name with some weight behind it.”

You couldn’t help but grin at how serious he sounded. It was clear Jake had already been thinking about this—probably long before today. “I like it,” you said. “But we don’t have to decide right now. We’ve still got time to figure it out.”

Jake nodded, his hand giving your thigh a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, you’re right. I just… I don’t know, I kind of like the idea of carrying on some of the family names. But I’m open to anything.”

You smiled, leaning back in your seat as you watched the landscape pass by outside the window. “We’ll figure it out together,” you said softly. “Besides, we’ve still got a few months to pick the perfect name.”

Jake chuckled, glancing at you with that easy, warm smile of his. “Yeah,” he said. “But I’m calling it now—he’s gonna be a little Jameson.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “We’ll see about that.”

The rest of the drive home was filled with easy conversation, tossing baby names back and forth and laughing about which ones definitely didn’t make the cut. You felt lighter than you had in weeks, the excitement of the day settling into something quieter, something deeper.

By the time you pulled into the driveway, the two of you hadn’t landed on a final name, but it didn’t matter. You still had time. What mattered was that you were in this together—building a family, one moment at a time.

* * * * *

You stood in the small bedroom of your apartment, surveying the space that had felt cozy just a few months ago but now seemed increasingly cramped with the realization that a baby was on the way. Jake was pacing the floor, tossing around ideas for rearranging the furniture, while you tried to mentally picture how everything could fit.

“What if we move the dresser to the other side?” Jake suggested, pointing toward the corner where a floor lamp barely fit. “Then we could push the bed over, and maybe…” He paused, considering the layout again. “I don’t know, it just feels tight in here.”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “Yeah, it’s going to be a challenge. I wasn’t exactly planning on having a baby when I moved in here.”

Jake leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, and looked at you with a thoughtful expression. “You know,” he said slowly, “I was thinking… maybe you could just move into my place.”

You blinked, surprised by the suggestion. “Your place? But we’ve only been together a few months, and now with everything that’s happened…” Your voice trailed off as you considered the implications.

He straightened up, stepping closer. “I mean it. My place has two bedrooms. We can easily turn one into a nursery, and I want you and the baby close to me. We could be a family.”

The warmth in his voice sent a flutter through your chest. You searched his eyes for any hint of hesitation, but all you saw was sincerity. “Are you sure? This is a big step. We haven’t even been together a year yet.”

Jake nodded firmly, the look in his eyes unwavering. “I know it’s fast, but I want to do this together. I want you both with me. I don’t want to miss a moment once he gets here.”

Your heart swelled at his words, a mix of excitement and anxiety flooding you. “It’s just… a lot to think about.”

He reached out, pulling you into a warm embrace. “I get it, but we’ll figure it out together. You’re not alone in this. We can make it work.”

As you melted into his arms, you felt the weight of your worries begin to lift. The idea of moving in with Jake was both daunting and exhilarating, but deep down, you knew he was right. It would be good for all of you.

Pulling back slightly, you looked into his eyes, your smile growing. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Jake’s face broke into a wide grin, and he lifted you off the ground in excitement. “Really? You mean it?”

You nodded, laughing as he set you back down. “Yeah, I mean it. I’m just as scared as I am excited, but I want this. I want us to be a family, and I want us to be together.”

Jake’s smile softened, and he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “Then it’s settled. Let’s make it happen.”

You felt a rush of happiness as you both embraced again, knowing that despite the challenges ahead, you had each other. You could build a home together, and soon enough, you’d be welcoming your little one into the world.

* * * * *

The day had stretched into what felt like an eternity, filled with anticipation, exhaustion, and a whirlwind of emotions. You lay in the hospital bed, beads of sweat on your forehead, clutching Jake’s hand tightly. He was your anchor, whispering words of encouragement and squeezing your fingers every time a contraction rolled through you.

“You’re doing amazing, babe,” he said softly, brushing a damp strand of hair from your face. His voice was a calming presence amid the chaos, and every time you met his gaze, you felt a surge of strength.

Hours passed, and the pain became almost unbearable, but you pressed on, motivated by the thought of finally holding your baby in your arms. You could feel the excitement in the room as the medical staff prepared for the final moments. Jake stayed right by your side, never leaving you, his eyes filled with concern and love.

Finally, with one last push, the cries of your baby filled the room, piercing through the haze of pain and exhaustion. Your heart raced as you heard that precious sound, a mixture of relief and joy flooding through you. The nurses gently placed the tiny bundle on your chest, and you looked down, tears brimming in your eyes.

There he was—your son. His little face, scrunched up and wailing, filled you with a warmth you had never known. You glanced up at Jake, who was beaming, his eyes wide with wonder as he took in the sight of his son for the first time.

Jake leaned in closer, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead, his breath warm against your skin. “You did it,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “He’s perfect.”

You smiled through your tears, feeling an overwhelming sense of love and pride. “Look at him,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. “He’s ours.”

Jake nodded, his eyes glistening as he gazed at the two of you. “We’re a family now.”

In that moment, nothing else mattered. The pain of labor faded into the background, replaced by an all-consuming love for this tiny human that you had created together. You felt Jake’s hand wrap around yours, his thumb stroking the back of your hand as he leaned in to share the joy of this incredible moment.

As you cradled your son against your chest, the world around you fell silent. It was just you, Jake, and your beautiful baby boy, the three of you beginning this new chapter together.

[kiwi-cult]

PARSELSCRIPT!!

Hi. This is mostly for the people from Discord but tadah! I'm finally making that Tumblr post I've been talking about for months.

(Warning this will probably be very chaotic)

To anyone new who sees this: me and some friends made an alphabet for Parseltongue from Harry Potter, aka Parselscript. I'll take you on a little journey to explain my process and give you some tips, should you want to start writing it.

Disclaimer: I wanted to make this script usable for the writer I made it for so it's less of an actual language and more just some characters to represent the Latin (or ‘English’) letters. Like a cipher. It is not realistic. If I made this realistic I'd have to add all sorts of things to indicate body language and smell etc and also have to figure out what sounds Parseltongue actually has etcetera etcetera. No.

Alright.

It all started when we started talking about Parselscript in a Discord server and I asked my friend Ava to visualise the script because she seemed to have a clear vision of it, so I could use it to go from there.

That's how we got this.

I think we all wanted to go with something flowery for some reason, so we did.

After this I just messed around with brushes and shapes in Procreate for a while, tweaking things and trying to make it more writeable. I ended up with something like this (still a rough draft).

It may look a bit like random squiggles at first, and it kinda was at this point. As you can see there's also a lot of added dots and lines, which can be a bit hard to remember and I see you wondering what it looks like without them.

Well here it is.

I showed this to the people I brainstormed with in Discord and we decided to go with the more complicated version because it looks better lol.

This is one of the final versions.

It says: "Hello, my name is Kiwi Cult. I made this script after reading a fanfic called Terrible, But Great written by Isalise the loml on Archive Of Our Own."

Now, to talk about some of the (boring) logistics.

It is read from left to right, top to bottom.

Every separate combination of squiggles you see above is a separate word. Every word is made up of a starting character, one or more letter characters and an ending character.

The very first character you see in the top left corner, with the three petal looking thingies, is a silent starting character that indicates the start of a sentence. Not word: sentence. The end of the character, that little circle thingy, is a comma. So, the first combination says: "Hello,".

Then, the second combination starts with a kind of hook going down and right. This is also a silent character and more meant as an interpunction, that's why you don't pronounce it. It's kind of just a way to start the word when there isn't anything special about it (aka it's not the start of a sentence, a name, an exclamation or a question. But every character is special in its own right🥲). The same kind of hook can be found at the bottom of the combination, except going up. It has the same use, basically just a way to end the word when there isn't anything special about it. Now, you might ask: why does it go right and not left?

We talked about this a while, because I wanted the direction to have some kind of meaning. We wondered about gender, tone, blah blah all kinds of complicated things but in the end I just wanted this script to be writable so I chose to have proficient writers in Parseltongue make their hooks go left and beginners have their hooks go right.

Now, you might notice that I end my words with a hook going right. That is because I don't see myself as a pro in writing in Parselscript okay? It's hard!😭💀

Now, other than the character indicating the start of a sentence, the circle, and the simple hook, there are a few other characters to start or end a combination (don't worry I'll show them all to you at the end, you won't have to use your imagination for long).

We have a character to indicate a name. Now, the rule is: name indicator over start of sentence indicator. So, if you start a sentence with a name, you'll use the symbol to indicate a name, NOT BOTH. (That's not even possible but I don't even want to see you try and butcher my child).

There is a character to indicate a sentence that would usually be followed by an exclamation mark (!), but at the start of the sentence. Then you’d end the exclamated sentence with a period.

The same goes for a question mark (?): put it at the start of a question, not the end. Again, it wouldn't even be possible to use it at the end of a combination but I DON'T EVEN WANNA SEE YOU TRY.

Finally we have a period (.), which looks a bit like a flower with four petals. You do use this one at the end of a word, and it is always followed by a start of sentence indicator or a name indicator. I know people are rejecting capitals these days in their typing but I don't wanna see it. If you start a word after a period with a hook I will find you.

If a sentence starts with a name that is also a question or exclamation you’d use the question/exclamation mark above the name indicator, otherwise it would take away a vital part of the sentence while a name can still be read even if it doesn’t have its indicator.

So, to put it all next to each other, the symbols we have are: -start of sentence indicator -name indicator -exclamation mark (!) -question mark (?) -period (.) -hook (direction depends on efficiency) -comma (,) (direction depends on efficiency)

I didn't make adjusted characters to indicate a capital letter like we do in the Latin alphabet, meaning that the only things you can kind of 'capitalise' are the start of a sentence and the start of a name.

It is also slightly phonetic. Emphasis on slightly. I made separate characters for almost all letters in the Latin alphabet, so you can just write your word normally with Parselscript characters. The only difference is that I made only one character for the 'f/v' sounds and that there is no 'c' character. If a word has a 'c' in it, you'll have to use the character for a 'k' or an 's'. Also a ‘q’ can be made with ‘k’ and ‘w’ etc.

A few examples: -character=karakter -parselscript=parselskript -crazy=krazy -science=siense

-quiz=kwuiz

I know it looks a bit confusing, but I trust you guys' ability to read context clues and figure out what someone means when you try to decipher Parselscript.

Now, for a word like 'phonetic' or 'decipher' I don't really care whether you use the separate characters for 'p' and 'h' or just the one for the 'f/v' sound. You do you.

I also don’t use any double letters because they basically sound the same and it looks ugly but if you want to use double symbols feel free.

I also made some numbers that do not look like they fit with the rest of the script but I promise you that's just because you're not used to it yet. Our own numbers don't belong with our alphabet either because we nicked them from the Arabs (I think, don't quote me on this) but we don’t notice that either.

Tadah. (Yes I know it’s out of order I told you this was gonna be chaotic af)

Other than that, feel free to ask me questions if I've forgotten anything or if you're wondering about anything. I can't guarantee that I have a good answer because I might not even have thought about it myself, but I can always try to come up with something. I am one person, I'm afraid I haven't been able to take everything about a script into consideration.

Now, without further ado; here is the key.

No, your eyes didn't deceive you: there are two versions. The first has a bit more loose squiggles than the second one. I realised that when I was writing physically, the second version was much nicer to write, so it is kind of like Simplified Parselscript. I haven't decided yet if I'm gonna put some lore behind it or not yet. But I included the og one if you're a tryhard and wanna take it on.

Now, if you're gonna start writing it yourself, here is the stroke order.

I tried to make it as clear as possible but please ask me if you're confused on anything.

Red is the starting point of the whole symbol, the arrows indicate the direction to go in, x marks the start of the small extra's.

Now, I'd also recommend writing on some type of paper with vertical lines like this if you're gonna do it physically.

You can just turn a paper with normal, horizontal lines a quarter to get vertical lines. Also, do NOT write in between the lines. They are meant to help you keep the start and ending on the same line so you don't start going into crazy directions while writing. So, start your sentence symbol or hook or whatever in the middle of the line and try to keep coming back to that vertical line after every letter. As you gain more proficiency you'll probably go straight into the next letter without going back to the line all the time but I think this is a good starting point.

I also recommend writing with a fountain pen or something else that flows well because it’s easier to write that way.

Here is another rough draft I made on physical paper to get a feel for it. As you can see this draft had a lot more different starting characters and ending characters so just ignore that. Hope this motivates you a bit or smth.

Lmk if you want me to post a video of me writing in this Parselscript.

Also please let me know if you know of someone else who's also made a Parselscript because I tried to look for it on Tumblr and Twitter etc but I couldn't find anything.

I also feel like there’s a big mistake I made that I realised the last time I worked on this script but I’ve forgotten it now so if you find out please comment or dm or anything💀

Also feel free to use in your own fic, tho a little tiny shoutout in the a/n would be nice :) I’m @/kiwi_cult on Ao3, @/slvtr_ on Wattpad, @/kiwi cult on ff.net, @/slvtr.1 on TikTok and @/.slvtr on Discord.

Credits:

@natis-balamnimaja @asterialvia and @/zee (who unfortunately left the server and I don't know the Tumblr @ of) for brainstorming with me and @isalisewrites for inspiring us and making the server we discussed this in.

Okay bye :) tell me if I forgot anything.

🥝

[bowlofsoob]

SOOBIN AS YOUR MUTUAL THAT YOU HATE IRL — part two

part one

soobin x gender neutral reader

you and soobin have been mutuals on twitter for almost a year as you both run bebe rexha fan accounts. he uses a fake name and you guys get along well, you talk to him more than your irl friends atp. on the other hand you and soobin don’t get along irl after constantly competing for the number one spot on the academic leaderboard. since then he always gives you a rbf and says he finds you too obnoxious. but that all changes when you finally decide to meet your favorite oomf in person.

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐་༘

The street was dark apart from the flickering lamps on the side of the walkway as you made your way towards Steve – or well Soobin’s – house. It still felt odd.

Your palms felt clammy and you were clad in your pajamas, in too much of a rush to change. Which was a decision you were regretting since the flimsy fabric did nothing to protect you against the wind.

Before you knew it you spotted the complex Soobin supposedly lived in, and as you walked closer you could see his tall figure waiting for you in the dark. It would’ve been rather creepy if not for the fact he was drowning in a large hoodie and sweats with a beanie tugged on his hair. His arms were crossed across his chest as he rocked back and forth due to the cold.

You swallowed your nerves and made your way towards him, not quite knowing what to do with your hands other than give him an awkward wave as he spotted you.

“Hey,” he breathed out, gesturing for you to follow him inside.

The warmth of his apartment was far more welcoming than the freezing night. He shut the door behind you both and tugged off his beanie as he gestured for you to sit down.

“Hi,” you greeted back as you sank down on his couch. The entire place felt very lived in.

Soobin’s face scrunched up into an abashed smile.

“I missed you,” you added, “I’m glad you reached out.”

“I am too,” he hummed, reaching out to take his hand into yours. His palms felt warm against your own freezing ones.

“What was your last text about?” you question as his thumb rubs circles on your palm.

“I don’t know what your talking about?” he smiles, “What did I say?”

“You know damn well what you said,” you huff.

“Okay, well I meant it,” he answers, “I convinced myself to try and forget you since you were an online friend. But having you right in front of me changed things.”

“Changed things how?” you say, warmth creeping up your cheeks.

“Well, for one I can actually see you,” Soobin notes, “And do things like this,” he adds, his voice going quiet as he reaches over to push a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “And, instead of fantasizing about kissing you, I could actually do it.”

“You fantasized about it?” you ask in disbelief, still flustered at the touch of his hand so close to your face “You didn’t even know what I looked like!”

“You were kinda just a blob in my mind,” he shrugs, a smile tilting his lips at your offended face.

“A pretty blob though, right?”

“Of course.”

“So, you really don’t hate me?” you muse, playing with his fingers, “It’s so weird seeing you be so gentle.”

“Would you rather me go back to being rude?” he replies, “But I really don’t. I feel a little ashamed at how I used to treat you.”

“It’s okay, I did the same,” you assure, patting his hand, “Let’s start fresh.”

“Okay,” he agrees, clasping your hand in between his, “Let’s go out.”

“Straight to the point?”

“I don’t think we should waste any more time,” he replies, “I need to make it up to you.”

“Kiss me and consider yourself forgiven,” you manage to croak out, your throat closing up at your false confidence. Honestly, you were qute irritated with yourself on how you treated Soobin for the past few months. You desperately wanted to move on and start fresh.

Soobin let out a surprised laugh and you wanted to ingrain the sound into your mind. He brought up his free palm to his mouth and let out a small giggle into it.

“Okay,” he manages to say, taking a deep breath.

“Any day now.”

“Shut up, I need a moment–,” he started, but was interrupted as you reached over and yanked on his hoodie to slot his lips against yours. He stumbled and you both fell backwards onto the couch as he caught himself above you, both knees outside your hips as you snaked your hands around his waist.

He stared at your for a mere moment in disbelief before leaning down to capture your lips with his. His lips felt pillowy against your own and his warm body right on top of yours made it feel just as good.

You had to remind yourself not to laugh into the kiss with how happy it made you feel.

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐་༘

future texts and tweets

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐་༘

[mavrintarou]

Lord Ushijima Wakatoshi [1]

I tried to do one part... but this got too long. I feel like this is the smuttiest of all Lord series (tell me otherwise - let me know which one you think is the smuttiest lol). If you’re new, welcome to my Lord Haikyuu fandom, I have completed Lord series for Sakusa, Suna, Kita, and the Miya twins, check them out too!

Warning: explicit smut; angst; TW: miscarriage; reader is inexperience

Part two - end

.

Wakatoshi thrust hard one final time before he withdrew and fisted his cock, he groaned as his cum shot thick white spurts all over Y/n’s belly and breasts.

Her eyes shut as her pussy spasm even after his withdrawal, the overstimulating effect he often left her in. Her chest rose with heavy breath as her legs that were pinned to her chest were finally freed from his grip. Y/n didn’t need to open her eyes to hear he was grabbing a towel, as always, he cleaned her up afterward.

Y/n opened her eyes and reached her hand out, indicating for him to give her the towel so she could clean herself up. He ignored her reach and began wiping his essence away.

She didn’t quite understand why he preferred to ejaculate on her, only to wipe it away. Not that she wanted him to cum while he was inside of her.

She lay there with an arm over her eyes while he wiped her down, even between her legs. The first time he did this, she panicked and nearly fought him until he ordered her to remain still with his stern Captain tone.

“We have a mission coming in two days, I need you to prepare – “

“I know, I know…” Y/n cut him off, even though he repeated the same thing every time they had a mission together. Somedays she wondered if she was more his assistant than his second in command.

She rolled over as soon as he set the towel back in the basin, that was her usual cue to leave. She grabbed her yukata and was about to slip it on when she was suddenly on her back once again.

“Who said I was done?”

Y/n’s eyes widened briefly before she quickly blinked them away. Lately, Wakatoshi has been keeping her in his chamber longer than before, not satisfied until he’s had his way with her.

“I’m – I’m sore,” Y/n murmured, cheeks flushing.

Y/n didn’t know the true meaning of soreness until her first night with her Captain. She has gone through the exact training and exercise the rest of her team has endured to earn their current position regardless of her gender and never once has she uttered a complaint, even in the face of soreness.

She knew she was inexperienced and lacked education about sharing a man’s bed since she was essentially raised a boy by her grandfather and spent most of her time in the company of men.

Since the day she rose to second in command, there was never a mission she was not by her captain’s side but the one time that she was assigned to a different mission that he only trusted her to handle… he returned in a state of discomfort.

“What happened to him?” Y/n demanded, being blocked at Captain’s doorway by Shirabu and Ohira.  

Reon avoided Y/n’s eyes, “he… uh – there… he’ll be fine in a couple of… hours. Or days.”

She narrowed her eyes at him before looking at Kenjiro, she knew he would tell her, he was the closest to her on the team. “Tell me Jiro – what’s wrong with Cap?”

Kenjiro looked uncomfortable under her strict gaze before sighing, “he was exposed to some unknown powder during this mission…”

Y/n’s eyes widened, and she made a move to brush past them and see for herself how the captain’s well-being was but they blocked her once more. “Move,” she demanded sternly, never once speaking to them with that tone.

Reon raised his hands in a defense mechanism, “listen, Y/n… you can’t see him right now… for his dignity… and maybe your safety.”

They were speaking in a circle and it was making Y/n frustrated.

“Yes, it is best if you don’t see him within the next… maybe a few days…” Kenjiro added, trying to avoid eye contact.

“If you guys do not get to the point and tell me exactly what is wrong with Cap, I will put you both down.”

Both men’s breath hitched as they straightened their shoulders in reflex. Kenjiro looked at Reon before he nodded. Kenjiro, the team’s medic expert exhaled before speaking, “we believe the unknown drug is a form of an aphrodisiac.” He paused, “since discovering this, Cap… Cap is in pain.”

“Are there no medicine or herbs to help?”

Kenjiro shook his head, “no, it will flush out of his system in time or… with assistance.”

“What kind of assistance?”

“Sexual… he is in a state of sexual desire… that is the only other way to help him is to meet his sexual desires.”

At that exact moment, all three of them jumped when they heard a crash coming within the Captain’s chamber. Both Kenjiro and Reon entered his room finding their captain on the floor naked.

Y/n has seen Wakatoshi topless many times due to tending his wounds but never has she seen him completely naked.

Wakatoshi turned his head, looking at Y/n with hooded dark eyes. “Y/n…” he groaned, a hand reaching out to her. “I need you…”

Kenjiro and Reon struggled to get him back on his feet, dragging him back to his futon.

“Y/n, you should leave – your presence might make it more difficult for –“  Kenjiro is knocked on his feet when Wakatoshi pushes him aside, trying to stand and make his way towards Y/n. “Y/n, leave!”

Reon interfered and wrapped his strong arms around Wakatoshi, “Wakatoshi, you are not in your right mind right now – please go back to the futon!” He was close to pulling the man with the same body size as his back to the futon until Wakatoshi maneuvered, shoving him off– making him fall right on top of Kenjiro, and knocking the wind out of him.

“Jiro!” Y/n ran towards the two but was caught by Wakatoshi in a bear hug. “Cap – get a hold of yourself!” She tried to pull herself free but it was futile when he held on to her tightly. His nose pressed against her exposed collarbone before she felt his hot tongue lick along her neck.

Looking at an unconscious Kenjiro and Reon who is trying to wake him up, a hand grips her jaw forcing her to look into the dark eyes of her captain.

“Only look at me, Y/n.” He growled, before pressing his lips against hers.

Y/n moaned into his mouth before breaking the kiss. “Reon, take Jiro and leave! I’ll handle Wakatoshi from here.” Reon refused, shaking his head but before he could protest, Y/n commanded him. “Go, now!”

Reon lifted the lanky Kenjiro into his arms and tossed him over his shoulder before hurrying out, closing the door behind him.

Immediately, she pushed against him with her might until he let her go. “Wakatoshi… this isn’t like you.” Her captain, whom she had known for years stalked her like she was his prey.

Jiro’s words earlier echo in her ears, meet his sexual desires…

Letting out a frustrated breath, she began to untie her uniform. Each piece of clothing dropped on the ground by her feet until she stood before him naked. She had some knowledge about intimacy between a man and a woman and heard plenty of tips from the men on her team.

She just needed to trick him, get him on the bed so she could knock him out.

Wakatoshi approached her, he looked taller and bigger without his clothing.

Was his shoulders always this broad? She found herself lost in admiration.

“Y/n,” he murmured, reaching to lift her chin so their gaze could meet. “You’re so…” his eyes drop to appreciate her naked form, “beautiful.” His arm snaked around her waist, pressing her against him.

Y/n gasped, feeling the hard ripples of his body pressed against her but what caught her off guard was his cock she has been avoiding was pressing against her abdominal. She pressed her palms against his chest to put space but Wakatoshi was faster, his hands picked her up easily off the ground. Her arms wrapped around his shoulder and legs around his torso. She can feel his rough callus hands supporting her naked bottom.

“Kiss me, Y/n… please…”

He held her higher, making her look down at him. Her cheeks flushed as he gazed at her desperately, pleadingly for her to put him out of his misery. Leaning down, she pressed her mouth against him, meeting his kiss hungrily.

She has kissed one other man but has never kissed them as intensely as now. She couldn’t recognize the lewd moans that were coming from her mouth continuing to meet Wakatoshi’s movement.

“Wai – wait Captain – “ she broke off the kiss, and flinched when she heard him growl in disappointment. His lips move to her jaw, nipping down to her throat. She looked over at the futon to see if she could get him to lie down, then maybe she could take the opportunity and knock him unconscious.

“I need you,” Wakatoshi murmured against her throat. “Need you now, Y/n… please…”

She gently lifted his face, meeting his dilated pupils with her gaze. Her heart raced faster than ever before. Throughout her entire life, she has never been swayed by anything yet at this moment, her heart and mind wanted to give in. She felt an undeniable yearning to yield, to grant him what he sought. “O – okay,” she heard herself say, “just once…” Her heart skipped a beat when his pouty lips curved into a smile, “don’t – don’t make me regret it…”

Wakatoshi muttered something under his breath before moving. Y/n turned her head to see where he was carrying her and frowned when he walked straight to the dresser and set her slightly on the edge. He pulled away and her eyes locked with his thick hard cock that was leaking from the tip. Her belly was smeared of the white milky essence.

Any words she had was lost as she watched him stroke his cock, her jaw dropped unknowingly as she has never seen something so exotic before.

He stepped forward, pressing the tip to her pussy, bit by bit he pushed forward and groaned, “relax for me.”

The tip impaled her entrance, making her tense at the foreign intrusion. “I can’t…” Y/n shook her head, whimpering, “I’ve never done this before… this is weird…”

“Look at me,” she looked up, the tone demanding her as her Captain.

Wakatoshi pressed his lips to hers, his tongue immediately searching to tangle with hers. As soon as she was distracted, he thrust in one go, fully embedded inside of her pussy.

He wrapped an arm around her back to keep her from pushing away from him. He cooed soothing words kissing her mouth as she swore at him about hurting her.

“You’re okay,” he repeated, kissing her tears away. “You can do this, you can take me, Y/n… I know you can otherwise I wouldn’t need you…”

Her fist gently beat against his shoulders, “you’re too… you’re too big…”

Wakatoshi half chuckled and choked a groan as her hot walls throb around his cock. He slowly began moving his hip in shallow thrusts until her wetness has lubricated his cock. As soon as it became easier for his entire length to penetrate her fully, his thrusts fastened. He groaned, pressing his forehead against hers, “you’re too tight… fuck I love it though… you feel so good…” Her soft whimpers gradually turned into moans as he continued to coo assuring affirmation. “You’re doing good… so good… you’re so good for me.” He hooked one of her legs over his arm, widening her legs to accommodate when he thrust inside her again. “You’re taking me so well…”

Y/n followed his gaze and looked down and was mesmerized at his cock pump into her pussy. How is it that seconds ago it was pain she felt, but now it is pleasure? “Cap – “

“My name.”

She peered up at him, biting down on her lip to hold in her lewd moans she never knew she could make.

“My name, Y/n.” He commanded again with a soft tone, “say my name.”

She shook her head, it felt too intimate saying his name while his cock was buried deep inside of her.

He shook his head with a grin, “stubborn woman.” He hooked his other arm underneath her knee, lifting her completely off the dresser. “Wrap your arms around my neck.”

She followed his command and immediately regretted it when he easily lifted her hips and began thrusting into her at the same time. Y/n’s grip tightened around his neck being at his mercy. “Cap – “

“Say my name!” Wakatoshi growled, nipping her ear. When she still refused, he sped his movement along with bouncing her harder on his cock.

“My Lord!”

Wakatoshi's movement halted as he unexpectedly heard her address him in that term. “Ahh… fuck…” he cursed as his cock pulsated. “Y/n… you little tease…” he whispered hotly into her ear. He just came but he was not close to being satisfied.

Y/n’s eyes widen as she quickly leaned back to look at him when he continue to keep rocking her on his cock. “What –“ The rest of her words turned into a moan as he started to bounce her on his cock. “Wait – you just – “

His hot breath teased her ear as he nipped the lobe, “more Y/n… I need more…”

“Wa – Waka – Toshi! Wait – you’re going too – fast!” Her ears were tuning in the lewd sound of their skin slapping together. “’Toshi! Stop – I feel – I feel weird!” Each time his cock filled her for a split second, it sends a pulse to the place she never knew existed. Her lower belly quivered like she was going to explode any second.

“Let go, Y/n – cum for me…” he whispered and commanded, “cum on my cock.”

Her back arched, her toes curled and her head thrown back as her body trembled. Her pussy throbbed and constricted around his cock. Wakatoshi's low groan mixed with hers as he finally stopped thrusting into her.

Her eyes widen feeling something warm shoot inside of her for the second time. Y/n fell limp against him, her head resting against the crook of his neck and shoulder as the last ounce of strength she had depleted.

Wakatoshi was lost in his world, still coming down from his high. His cock was still hard, the drug had not completely worn off even after such intense sex. “Y/n?” he called her name. When she did not respond he lifted her enough to slip his cock out. He heard something spill and glanced down to see a pool of milky essence.

He could feel her steady breath fanning his neck and secure his grip around her bottom, carrying her gently to the futon.

“Just stay.”

Y/n blinked, breaking out of the memories of how their rendezvous had commenced. “No, I want to sleep in my chamber.” She quickly got up but he caught her wrist, gazing at her with a soft expression that she had seen recently and making her heart race.

“Are you okay?” His tone filled with worry. “Shall I escort you back to your chamber?”

She shook her head, brushing his hand off, “I am okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hurried before he could convince her to stay. Each time, it was becoming a challenge to say no to him.

[5 days later]

.

.

It has been a few hours since Y/n finally woke up from days of deep slumber.

All she could recollect from the mission was that they were ambushed. Before heading out, she had an eerie and unsettling feeling about the mission that she had never felt before. Half a day into their mission something did not feel right when her six senses noticed the quietness around them.

Whatever had happened has been blocked out of her memories.

It was evident of her substantial injuries, her right shoulder was bandaged from an arrow piercing, and a stab wound in her left thigh.

Those were expected injuries, however, the one she did not expect and was still wrapping her head around even after the doctor had left her chambers was that she had miscarried.

She was pregnant.

Since the doctor left, her hand had been resting on her abdomen, where her unborn baby is no longer living.

She was foolish to disregard the risk of pregnancy after many nights spent in her captain's bed. He had been careful to withdraw and ejaculate on her body. Y/n was oblivious to the idea that she could still conceive otherwise.  Looking back, she must have conceived from her first night with him. It would be likely that she might have been pregnant prior to them making their intimate meetups a routine. She recalled the peculiar feeling of him cumming continuously inside of her the first night and it was that moment when she was lost in her bliss and pleasure she neglected to take any precautions.

The doctor determined the miscarriage was likely caused by the excessive blood loss she suffered. Her wounds themselves had put her body in shock and if the doctor calculated correctly, Y/n was more than three months along in the pregnancy. “You were still in the risky stages of pregnancy, it is nothing to dwell on as most women face this risk altogether.”

Her hand pressed against her flat belly, recollecting a few days prior when she noticed the slight weight gain but did not put too much thought into it.

“Captain went berserk.” Shirabu quietly informed, “you may not know but after everything, we believe that the ambush was to take you out first and then everyone else. Every one of them targeted you while you were trying to keep Captain safe.”

Y/n pondered, confused as to why she would have been the target but it would make sense strategically if enemies cannot get to the main target, then take out their protector first.

“My guess is that if they took you out first, it would be easier to take out the rest of us.” Shirabu stood up, “but please rest, for the time being, you are ordered to rest. Captain has ordered a checklist for the doctor to sign off before you’re allowed to return.” He kept it to himself, but he was sure the Captain would not let her return to active duty. He knew that Ushijima Wakatoshi would never allow her to lift her sword or wear her uniform after this mission.

“Shirabu,” Y/n called his name quietly, “does he – does he know about –“

Shirabu reached for her hand and squeezed it, “yes, he knows but only a few of us, including me and Reon. Do not fret, no one else won’t know.”

After he left her to rest, Y/n stared out the window and she didn’t notice the tears that slipped from the corner of her eyes.

Wakatoshi needed a moment to absorb Y/n’s report. His breath caught in his throat when the doctor reported to him her injuries and informed him additionally, the news of her miscarriage.  

.

.

“This is precisely why some argue against women serving in the Shiratorizawa Scout regime,” he lamented, shaking his head in disappointment. “This incident alone could potentially lead to her removal as second in command once the report makes it up to the leadership and shame the regime altogether.” Closing his briefcase, he remarked, “the loss of the child has placed a significant mental burden on her. I do not believe she was aware that she was pregnant.” He pushed his specs upward, “even if she isn’t removed from the squad, it’s uncertain whether she’ll fully recover.”

The doctor remained entirely unaware of the identity of the person he was addressing, oblivious to the fact that Ushijima Wakatoshi was, in fact, the father of the unborn child.

Wakatoshi loomed over the diminutive doctor, whose expression swiftly transformed into one of fear. “You will not breathe a word of this outside these walls, do you comprehend?” Wakatoshi cautioned.

The doctor nodded, responding barely audible as he muttered, “un – understood.”

After dismissing him, Wakatoshi sat in his chair in deep thought. Had Y/n really not known she was pregnant all this time? And when did it happen? He had been careful to pull out every time even if he wanted nothing more than to cum inside of her…

“Argh,” he groaned, burying his face into his hands. If Y/n was pregnant, it meant that it must have been from the first time. Memories came flooding back as he remembers the exhilarating feeling when he would watch his cum ooze out every time he thrust back into her. His cock was still hard as a rock even after so many rounds. Y/n would whimper, crying out that she was too full of his cum and he would fuck his cum back into her until they were both sticky with their mixed essence.

“This is all my fault,” he muttered, fingers fisting his hair tightly. She was in this predicament because of him.

Wakatoshi shook his head to shake off the memories, it was not the time to think about the past. He shot up from his seat and headed towards Y/n’s room.

Entering her room with a hushed step, he discovered her seated by the window, her expression devoid of emotion. It was a welcome sight compared to finding her asleep every time he visited.

His gaze shifted to the untouched tray of food and he let out a sigh, remarking gently, “you’ve hardly touched your meal.”

As soon as their eyes met, Wakatoshi swiftly approached her, kneeling by her side and enveloping her in his arms, cradling her delicate form. Aside from tangling their limbs in bed, outside of that, they refrained from touching one another. He whispered softly, his voice filled with concern, “please, tell me. What do you want? What can I do to bring the light back into your eyes?” His words were muffled as he buried his face into her lap, seeking to comfort her.

After a brief pause, he raised his head and gazed into her vacant eyes. Even while kneeling, he remained taller than her as she occupied the chair. Tenderly, he cradled her cheek and gently urged, “Y/n, please, speak to me.”

She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his torso, burying her face into his chest.

His embrace grew tender as he enveloped her, holding her tightly. A hitch in his breath accompanied her trembling form and muffled sobs against his yukata.

All he could offer was a tighter grip, a comforting presence in her time of need.

[2 weeks later]

.

.

Reon and Kenjiro did not dare breathe as Wakatoshi was a ticking bomb.  

Many often found him intimidating, though he was truly a gentle giant.

But in this particular moment, gentleness was nowhere to be found.  

Their gaze fixated on the slightly crumpled piece of paper clutched tightly in their Captain’s hand. It was almost certain that this was the official report regarding Y/n’s release from duty. The entire team had just been informed of her release and had come to inquire more information about it from their Captain, only to discover that he was the last to be informed.

Wakatoshi let out a low exhale, his focus still zoned out as he recollected his and Y/n’s last conversation.

“They will remove me.” Y/n said to Wakatoshi, “promise me you’ll pick Reon to replace me.”

Wakatoshi brought their foreheads together, “you’re not getting replaced, I’ll make sure your report only lists your injuries, nothing more.” He was willing to do anything to keep her by his side. He locked eyes with her, gazing into hers. “You are not alone.” His hand tightened behind her nape, “it was my child too, Y/n.” His statement must have caught her off guard as she flinched. “I may not know the pain you’re feeling, the suffering and the grieving but know this Y/n, I am in pain too. I’m suffering too. And I’m grieving for our child too.” His features softened, and he leaned up to kiss her forehead. “I’ll take all responsibility, I am at fault.” Wakatoshi sighed softly, he cupped her face with both hands, “Y/n, if you can give me six months, I will step down as Captain and we can settle down anywhere you would like.”

Y/n frowned and pulled away from his touch. “No, you shouldn’t do that.”

Wakatoshi frowned in return, “why not?”

“You do not need to do that for me, please don’t do that for me.” She pulls away from him completely, standing up and walking away. “It was not your fault at all, Cap. It wasn’t like you forced me, I allowed myself to get involved with you.”

“And it was my carelessness that made you pregnant, therefore, my responsibility.”

“And I am telling you that you do not need to take responsibility for it.” She shot back, “I am tired, please leave me alone.”

Wakatoshi left without uttering another word, and that marked the final exchange and encounter between them. The next day, he was promptly dispatched on a mission, keeping him away for half a week. Upon his return, exhaustion overcame him, and he slumbered for a continuous sixteen hours. When he finally awoke and sought out Y/n, her room was void of any presence. He initially assumed she might have been on break or he had approached at an inopportune moment, only to find her room empty upon his return each subsequent day.

“Captain,” Reon called out quietly, “what…”

“I don’t know, but I will find out,” Wakatoshi promised, exiting his office. He marched straight into his leader’s office without notice and slammed the letter on the desk. “What is this?” his voice is low and quiet.

The individual whom Wakatoshi regarded as a father figure let out a sigh and removed his glasses, setting the stage for a silent and intense gaze-lock between them. “It is exactly what it means, Wakatoshi.” He sighed, lighting up a cigarette, “I did the best I could to have her be discharged instead of dismissed. You know something like that could not have been swept under the rug.” He exhaled a puff of smoke and the frustration he had been carrying on his shoulder. “Y/n is one of a kind and she has shown nothing but loyalty and commitment to the regime. She will be a great loss to us but you both knew the bylaws.” He eyed Wakatoshi, “if it was anyone, you both would have been dismissed with dishonor but because you both are highly valued, I could only save you.”

“Tell me,” Wakatoshi began, his voice cold, “where in the bylaws states that a relationship cannot be established between a man and a woman?”

“That is the thing, you were comrades, you made the mistake and treated her like a woman.” He shook his head, “look, Waka – we are men and we have our needs but you should have found someone else, not someone who is your second-in-command.” He killed his cigarette and released the last puff of smoke.

Wakatoshi’s face hardened, “what happened and what was shared between Y/n and I is no one’s business when there are no laws that state that a man and a woman on the same Corp cannot seek a romantic relationship.” His body towered over his leader, making him slightly cower. “I’d like to see where that is written.”

“It – it may not be written but it’s definitely frowned upon.” He did not understand why Wakatoshi was making a big deal out of it. “Do you feel for this woman, Ushijima?”

“I owe you no explanation, I will be clearing my office and you will see and accept my immediate resignation letter by the end of the night.” Wakatoshi was out the door before his leader could utter a word, still processing his words.

Y/n gazed at her old and long-abandoned family home, realizing it had been over 20 years since she had last set foot inside. Pushing the gates open, she entered the property and took stock of the work that awaited her to bring it back to its former glory.

.

.

The basket in her hand has become slightly heavy filled with vegetables and meat as she shopped. Y/n stared across the market at the textile store, seeing various kimonos on display.

.

.

For years, she wore custom uniforms seven days a week, which left her with little need to have kimonos or yukatas, aside from the ones she wore to bed. The few she owned, she had brought with her, but they were all in black. As she examined the yellow kimono with white floral prints, Y/n found herself strangely drawn to it.

“I thought it was you, Y/n.”

Y/n looked up, her eyes widening as a smile graced her lips. “Chigaya Maru.”

She lost count of how many years it had been since she last saw him, from a little boy to a grown adult. His shoulders were broad and well-built, and she couldn’t help but believe that he had likely assumed the mantle of their family’s longstanding sword-smithing business.

“My mom would be so thrilled to hear you have finally returned home.” His expression softened as he smiled, “we’ve all missed you.”

Maru walked beside Y/n in silence as they made their way back to her house. “Come by the shop tomorrow, I’ll show you the pieces I’ve made.”

.

.

They made it to the front gates, “sounds good, I’ll swing by soon. Have a good night, Maru.” She entered the gates, closing them behind her. She waited until she heard Maru’s footsteps fade before entering her home.

Her home still required cleaning and some additional repairs, but it was now habitable, and being in this familiar setting brought her a comforting sense of reassurance.

She laid down on the new futon she purchased and rolled over towards the window. For the first time in her life, she felt so alone.

It hadn’t occurred to her that her team may have been strangers at one point, but they all became brothers to her and became a family to her.

The captain’s face entered her thoughts, and she tightly shut her eyes, feeling the pain in her heart intensify, the ache of missing him becoming almost unbearable. Did he know of her absence by now?

In such a short amount of time that they were intimately involved, she would have never imagined how challenging it would be now to walk away from someone when they made you feel… loved and wanted. And made you feel like a woman.

Her hand slipped down and in between her legs as the place in between her legs ached.

Ushijima Wakatoshi made her addicted to his touch.

Her fingers slipped in between her yukata as she pressed the aching nub before sliding the pad of her fingers along her slit like how he always did it.

Y/n rolled onto her back and widened her legs, her finger teased her clit, rubbing it in circles. A lewd whimper escaped her lips the moment her finger slipped past her folds. “’Toshi…”

Her fingers were nothing compared to his but she tried to mimic his movements.

She let her mind imagine that they were his, that he was there in between her legs and fingering her with not one, or two but three of his thick fingers, curling them each time they were knuckle deep.

Her other hand caresses her chest until she finds her perky nipple, twisting and tugging it.

Wakatoshi never spared her nipples, always suckling them like how she had seen a mother breastfeed her baby. She had never seen a woman nurse a baby before and couldn’t help but be reminded when Wakatoshi’s lips found hers and suckled hard.

The naive Y/n had thought with the way he was suckling, milk would come out. “Toshi… you’re sucking too hard… I don’t have milk for you.” She blurted out.

He lifted his head, caught off guard by her comment. “Of course, you wouldn’t have milk, you aren’t lactating.” He chuckled at the confused expression, “you are not pregnant, you do not need to fret about lactating.”

“But you keep sucking like…” she blushed, turning her face away.

Wakatoshi gently gripped her chin and turned her face so they were looking at one another, “like what?”

“Like a… baby.”

“Like this?” he takes her nipple back into his mouth and suckles hard. “Do you like it when I do that?”

She nodded her head, “yes… I do.”

Y/n’s fingers easily thrust in and out of her pussy with how wet she has become. “Toshi…” she repeated, calling his name as her fingers fastened until her orgasm erupted. Her hot gummy walls squeezed and trembled around her fingers.

She looks down, seeing her legs spread wide and fingers still inside her pussy. She had never touched herself before yet, here she is, pleasuring herself the way Wakatoshi did. Her head falls back onto her pillow as she imagined how he would have cum all over her abdomen, his groan each time spurts ejaculated from the tip of his thick cock. She remembered the first time he had done so, he smeared it over her skin like it was lotion.

Y/n spread her palm over her abdomen, rubbing it like Wakatoshi had always done so. Her hand paused as she thought about her child who was no longer growing within her.

She found it amusing how overnight, she could change from a woman who would not hesitate to kill on sight to a woman who grieved for the child she did not know. She never knew the latter woman even existed in her. In an instant, she no longer wanted to be part of the Corp, the almost maternal instinct within her took over and the new her wanted nothing to do with that lifestyle no more. It was best she left the Corp and returned home to settle quietly and start a new life.

.

[Five months later]

A towel pressed along her forehead, dabbing the sweat she wasn’t even aware of. Maru smiled softly down at her, “don’t strain yourself, Y/n.”

Y/n returned the smile and nodded, “don’t worry, I’m not.” She continued to sharpen the katana.

She was blessed with a job with the Chigaya. They were in need of a sword sharpener and that was a specialty Y/n possessed. The business sales increased drastically within days as many sought to have their sword refined.

“It is a mixture of pressure and light-handed when sharpening,” Y/n informed, showing Maru one afternoon. “You must use the right amount of water along with the pressure to stay consistent and prevent any damage to the sword.”

Maru’s father walks in, carrying a sword carefully in his arms. He set it on a stand, “here is another drop-off.” He sighed, his eyes filled with gratitude as he looked at Y/n. For generations, the family business thrived, but since Y/n had joined the team and taken on the role that had remained vacant for two decades, the business had experienced a remarkable resurgence. The word had spread like wildfire, and Chigaya Swords was not attracting clients from far and wide.

“Thank you, I will get to it shortly here,” Y/n answered with a smile. She does the final wipe-down before sliding the sword she was refining back into its scabbard.

“Y/n,” Maru’s father called her name softly, “where did you learn sword sharpening skills?”

“When my grandfather came for me, I stayed with him while he was still serving in the Corp. Being the only girl, I wasn’t exactly welcomed or liked and the man who was in charge of managing the weapons room, allowed me to help when I would always watch him from his doorway.” She is reminded how she was always pestering the man she called Uncle with questions to the point where he just had her try it out for herself. It wasn’t afterward that he realized that she might be useful to him after all and took her in as his apprentice.

When her Uncle was not welding a sword, he was teaching her how to hold a sword, how to swing, and everything there is to know.

At the age of seventeen, her Uncle encouraged her to join the swordsman tournament within the Corp, the winner would be recognized as a member of the Corp. On the day of the event, she shocked the entire crowd but nothing could be counted against her as there were no rules stating a woman could not participate.

She shocked the crowd a second time in one day when she was the last one standing, winning the tournament.

Y/n turned down the offer to join the Corp, insisting she would become a weapon welder.

For the first time, her grandfather, patted her head, “I am proud of you.”

He was murdered during an abrupt attack on the base. Y/n herself was gravely injured but as soon as her wounds healed, she hunted down the man who was responsible for her grandfather’s death and others.

She returned, bloody and battered but with the head of the Colonel.

Maru’s father affectionately patted her head, evoking memories of her grandfather and uncle, the last two who had done so. “We are deeply thankful to you,” he expressed. “Finding a skilled sword sharpener is no easy task. Not everyone possesses the gift touch to refine a blade as you do.” He looks past Y/n and at Maru, “come, I need your help.”

The two men leave the room that has become Y/n’s sanctuary. She reached to touch the top of her head and smiled. Such a simple gesture but it has always warmed her heart and soul.

Y/n peered out the window, her view obscured by the torrential rain. Rainy days had always made her sword-sharpening sessions feel therapeutic. Her gaze then shifted to the last remaining sword, the one Maru’s father had recently delivered.

She let out a sigh and extended her hand toward the sword.

Just as her hand was about to make contact with it, something jolted her, causing her hand to freeze in mid-air, a mere centimeters away from the sword. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest as she instantly recognized the handle of the sword.

“Your sword, Lord Ushijima,” Y/n spoke softly, carefully lifting the sword with both hands and offering it to him. “I hope you won’t mind that I completed your sword for you. We both know… Uncle would have been honored to present you with this blade.”

Uncle had just completed the construction of a custom-made sword for Lord Ushijima Wakatoshi, only to succumb to a fatal medical condition shortly thereafter. When Y/n and the others discovered him, he wore a serene smile on his face, having peacefully departed from the world.

“I’ve made some adjustments to the handle,” she said, lifting the sword above her head. “I believe a longer handle will be more fitting for you, especially since you swing with your left hand. This added length will provide both increased flexibility and stability in your swings.”

Y/n’s hands trembled as she gingerly lifted the sword. Among the swords she worked on so far, the Captain’s sword was the only one she knew of that had an additional inch and a half added to the handle.

There was but one way to confirm the sword’s owner. With a gentle pull of the scabbard, she revealed the blade, and as she turned it, her breath caught her throat.

As the final touch before handing the sword to its rightful owner, she meticulously engraved the letterings: Shiratorizawa – Ushijima Wakatoshi

E/n: next part might be shorter or like half of this.

.

.

.

@queenelleee @mfreedomstuff @erintaro @callmeraider @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wolffmaiden @cloud-lyy

[shewreckz]

Hey your art is pretty whimsical and radical my gender non specific broseph, per chance would thou be able to enlighten us on how you draw such bodacious fine art? Like how you draw bodies and fave and what have thee. (Fr tho your art really cool and I'd like to see how you make it)

okay i have whipped up a quick little visual of my thought process while drawing!! it might not be the best cause im not the greatest at teaching but if anyones curious ^_^

first lets start with how i draw bodies

a lot of people like to do the "skeleton" method which is where you draw lines and circles to plan out where the limbs should be. honestly i really dislike doing that because i like to always have volume and shape in mind when drawing bodies, but if it works for you thats great.

instead i separate the body into different pieces, kinda like an articulated doll. i think it helps visualize all the moving parts in a 3d space and makes posing and perspective a lot easier. i can also always add the detailed anatomy on top of this basic model like you see on the left. its always important to work from simple -> complex. drawing a pose while being too worried on anatomy will really hinder your drawing process.

to improve doing this it really just takes practice and observation. i could be here all day talking about proportions, and how many heads high a person is, and each specific muscle group, but i reccomend you go and watch videos and study professional artists on your own. as someone who has been drawing and studying these things for so long, i barely think about how many heads high a person is when im drawing a body. its kind of like learning how to play and instrument or driving a car. it becomes second nature eventually, but you have to apply those skills and work through that period of time where youre still trying to program it into your brain.

after you get a hang of the basics you can take this basic model and draw all types of body shapes with it. i say its always important to play around with making your body types diverse. its not only fun to do but helps make all the characters you draw unique and recognizable. (dont be like vivziepop).

dynamic posing can be the hardest thing to master for a lot of people. the best way to learn how to pose is to not think about it too much and just doing it. for example in my figure drawing class we had to sketch out gesture drawings from a picture in 15 seconds. excercises like that help a ton in making you feel more comfortable when drawing from a reference. you should definitely reference a LOT when it comes to poses, it helps build this visual database so that eventually you can get to the point where you can just draw accurate and dynamic poses from memory. after getting to this point eventually you kind of start thinking of your canvas as this tangible 3d space and considering your characters in 3d space helps make the poses feel a lot more realistic and interesting.

ok now a quick little tour into how i draw different faces yaaaayy!!!1!1!1

main thing with my art is that i LOVEEE drawing dynamic face shapes i think its so important to avoid drawing the same slim faces over and over. shape language plays a big role into this. like for example the face on the middle is more square, the one on the left is more oval and the one on the right is more circle. shape language helps communicate so much about your character without even saying a word about them and just helps differentiate people from a glance.

facial features also play a huge role into making your faces different. these are all drawn from the same exact face shape but look like entirely different characters by adding variety in the features. different noses, eye shapes, lips, etc. can make such a huge difference

i think before any of that its important to learn the anatomy of the face though. again im not gonna go into how many eyes wide a face it or how far the nose is from the mouth but like its always important to learn the fundamentals before stylizing stuff. again the face is a 3d space and if you dont consider your face a 3d plane the features will kind of just look like theyre floating on your characters face like soup...theres a lot of great resources and tutorials online take advantage of those!!! and reference from artists you like too it helps a ton.

and then you mix that all together and Boom you have cool and interesting faces. you will best that same face syndrome in no time if you take my advice Trust...

anyways yeah thats the soda design philosophy hit that like button if you liked it or douse me with tomatoes and kick me off the stage if you think i give bad advice ill leave the decision up to you

[catscidr]

NEED MORE OFFICE DOTTORE PLEAAAAADE HBAUBGUDUHFIBOND

i. note — he’s my guilty pleasure im sry i js CRAVE this mf twenny four/seven ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ ) </3 ii. includes — dottore, afab! reader but no gendered pronouns are used iii. cw — im rambling again heyyy what's new. office setting/modern au, dottore is kinda creepy, implied stalking, obsessive behaviour, their feelings are mutual but dottore comes off too strong and reader is a bit dense, mention of periods, drinking/alcohol, implied drugging (but nothing happens). this sounds bad but its tame he's just a weirdo with a crush and is weird about said crush Trust Me

thinking about office senior! dottore using his status in the company to butt in and work on projects that you’ve been assigned. him slowly but surely worming his way into your life ever since he got a taste of you, unable to let you just be a fling, a one-time thing. he just has to ruin you in every way

he would definitely be sooo aware of your steadily blooming crush on him and would use it against you to then tease you to hell and back. this man knows how to toy with people! he’ll most definitely toy with you!!!

lingering touches bordering on unprofessional but still friendly if you squint, going out of his way to ask your opinion on things during a crowded meeting n putting you on the spot, stepping into the elevator at the same time as you to trap you n initiate small talk……

of course said “small talk” is always… a little weird… when it’s with zandik. he doesn’t talk about the weather, stocks, or whatever mundane task you were working on right before you went on lunch break.

no, he’ll talk about things he shouldn’t know about you, things he’d only know if you told him about them, or things that are just a little too… personal? but maybe you’re being a little uptight. maybe you just… don’t remember telling him some things about yourself. it’s not like he’s talking about anything super outrageous or controversial anyways, it’s fine.

“eating instant noodles every day for dinner isn’t good for you, it’s most likely the reason why you get such bad cramps during your cycle. i would recommend adding some leafy greens to your servings at the very least, or some tofu to help with your iron intake.”

what a weirdo…. but hey, he’s kinda right, maybe you should eat more balanced meals so you don’t keel over anytime soon.

office senior! dottore also often does creepy things but in a nice way? if that makes sense?

for example, when the team is brought out for drinks to celebrate another successful project, he’ll make sure to be the only one sitting next to you. you’ll be squished against the wall and his shoulder, beer in hand, your cheeks burning from the alcohol and the proximity between you two

he’ll keep an eye on you and your alcohol tolerance, but not in the way you think he will. he’ll encourage you to drink more, “you seem tense. here, here’s a refill” he’d say in that smooth voice of his. “oh? you’re stumbling on your words, are your nerves still acting up? have my drink.”

and once you get to the point where you’re leaning over the table, head resting on your arms, only then will he start to actually take care of you.

he’ll place one hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles to help ground you from your dizziness. scold you for drinking so much, all while everyone else at the table glances at you with concern (or as much concern as other drunk and tipsy coworkers can muster)

“you shouldn’t have drank so much if you knew your alcohol tolerance was this poor.”

and the shadow of a smile on his face will turn into something more sinister when you frantically get up to rush to the bathroom. you immediately stumble to the floor, dizzy and disoriented. too dizzy and disoriented.

he’ll catch you before you fall as coworkers express their concern for you, only then noticing how bad your state had gotten now that face-planting directly onto the tatami floor of the bar was a feasible outcome

a chorus of surprised “woah!”’s and “are you okay?” ring out, conversations growing quieter as everyone stares at the stoic, scary superior holding up the rookie that got completely plastered at a work event. some are silently judging, but most are ogling zandik

your cubicle neighbor and work buddy gets up from her seat, stumbling on her way to help you stand up. though she had indulged you in gossip about him before, something about him holding your suspiciously drunk body up made alarm bells ring in her head.

“i’ll take them home,” he declares, voice colder than ice. no one really notices the hostility in his tone, too tipsy themselves to notice zandik’s obvious favouritism towards you. “enjoy the rest of your night.”

...and he diligently brings you to your flat, catching you before you stumble on your feet and trip over nothing. the trip was a struggle for the both of you, though more so for you than for him considering he had anticipated this outcome. maybe next time he should reconsider before giving you so much to drink.

[theyanderespecialist]

Understanding (Headcanons) Yandere Lucifer X Gender Neutral Autistic Reader (Hazbin Hotel)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! This one is with an autistic reader. It will also be made into a video, so watch for that! Here are some autistic traits that will be shown in this post!  Stimming with walking in circles and or pacing when getting into a song (I pace whenever I get into a song)  Not understanding social cues 

needs noise-canceling headphones when in crowds or large groups. 

being very clingy once they get used to someone they like a lot 

honest and blunt to a fault where they do not even realize they might be hurting their partners or friends or person's feelings. (Lack of tack) 

slight naivety in which they do not realize people take advantage of them to get close to Lucifer 

Also, the one I added is a special interest in plushies (Lucifer is going to give so many plush ducks)  Difficulty making friends due to social skills issues and not good at social skills met friends online. 

(Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel is not Yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! You know who you are! You Dirty, Flaky, Biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!

Disclaimer: Yes I do not know that not all people on the autistic spectrum act the same. This is from what I asked on my community page what you all wanted to see! That is why these traits and such were chosen! Pleas enjoy this!)  Enjoy this chapter!]  -Yandere Headcanons With Yandere Lucifer Morningstar X Gender Neutral Autistic Reader-

.Lucifer Morningstar appears like he could be on the spectrum of Autism as well. (But that has not been made to be Canon yet if at all) Although he does have a very large special interest in rubber ducks and does appear to be socially awkward. 

.He fell for you hard, having met you online as he was not leaving his home and you were the type to struggle to make friends in person. 

.You both hit it off and got really close together and one day did meet up. 

.He saw you in person and he knew what you looked like but your photos did not do you justice. 

.To him you were the most beautiful person and his heart, body, mind, and soul were captured by your beauty. 

.He is awkward around you but very very excited to do things with you. 

.He wants to be who you need so he does go a bit over the top sometimes to impress you. 

.He is an angel after all and there is nothing better than pure angelic power! 

.He does understand that you are on the spectrum and he is willing to work with you on those things. 

.Such as him buying you noise-canceling headphones for when you are in large groups or crowds. 

.When he is with you in those crowds he is like a guard dog that will scare away anyone that tries to get too close to you.  .He has even made a place(s) for you in his home for you to have space to pace and or walk in circles when you are stemming. 

.He noticed that you do not understand social cues are are very honest. 

.He becomes protective of you because of this because you tend to make people upset by being honest with them, so much that you are blunt and it makes the person angry at you. 

.He is the one to very much save you from danger time and time again. 

.Once he does get close to you and you are close to him he notices that you become very clingy to him and OH MY SATAN! He loves it!  .He loves how you are clingy to him and does not want him to leave you, even though you two are not together right away. 

.You are very likely to accept his love though and start being in a relationship with him. 

.This does come you being blunt with him. 

.Being honest when he does upset you and how some of his yandere tendencies do bug you and make you upset. 

.He would monitor the other friends you have in hell, being honest with you when he thinks you have friends that are using you. 

.He hates when anyone uses you, even if it is to get to him. He would find out the people using you in any way shape or form and erase them from the face of this hell. 

.He is the type of yandere that would shower you in his special interest of rubber duckies but also that he would shower your in your special interest (For example if it was cats he would get you so many pet cats and also get you so many cat-themed items) 

.Luficer I this is the type of partner and yandere that would shower you in gifts in general. 

.He would even make rubber duckies to match him and you and make them kiss! Such as: "(Your name) you may now kiss your husband the king of hell Lucifer Morningstar" Then he makes the duckie versions of you and him kissing.  .He is the type to be The jealous type as well, such as if someone were to try and move in on you. He would do a whole song and dance to try and outdo them.  .No one in all of hell, earth, or heaven was good enough for you. 

.He is the type to try and keep you safe as you are very naive and do not know when people take advantage of you. 

.Not just with using you to get close to him, but trying to scam you, or use you for free labor, or anything else really. 

.He is your protector because he is a protective yandere. 

.He would not want anyone to ever use or take advantage of you, you are too sweet of a demon for that! 

.He is the type to go into a wrathful rage when he sees someone lay their hands on you or try and steal you away from him. 

.He also would not want to share you with anyone, even with your friends or family. 

.Although he does his best to endear himself to your family because one day his going to make you his spouse and co-ruler. 

.He is also a very clingy yandere and would be the type to cling to you and do everything he can to make sure that you never leave him. 

.When you two are together oh boy does he spoil you so so much. 

.He wants you to feel like the royal person you are and wants to give you the world. 

.He would also want his daughter Charlie to get along with you as you would be her new step-parent. 

.So getting his daughter to accept you as her new step-parent and such would be one of the things on the top of his list. 

.He is a very dotting yandere that would take care of all your needs and be everything that you need so that you would never want or crave for anyone else. 

.He feels that if he is not good enough for you, you will look for someone else and leave him. 

.He cannot stand for that so he would always strive to be everything that you need. 

.He would if he got super paranoid try and isolate you from friends and family. 

.He is not doing it to be mean, he just worries he will lose you! 

.With your autism he is very patient and understanding of you. 

.He does everything as well to continue to learn about it so he can keep getting better for you. 

.He would never want you to feel that your boyfriend and future husband did not understand how you felt. Or did not try. 

.He is one of the best yandere to understand and continue to learn how to have a darling who is on the spectrum. 

.You two goofballs end up being very very good for each other. 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter done! I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

[talesof-old]

silence | b.s.

pairing(s): bran stark x reader

warning(s): mentions of death, mourning, grief, gloomy weather brings that on i’m afraid, unedited, reader’s gender isn’t really specified

word count: 1k

masterlist

being back in Winterfell is harder than you thought (fire + cold mornings, snowfall + nighttime)

Dark blue clouds rolled along the hills and hung low, dumping vast amounts of snow on the sleeping earth.

Not even the sun seemed able to pierce the clouds. A somber mood had swept through the halls of Winterfell like a plague, and even you could not escape it. Your husband had yet to wake, leaving you to wander the halls alone like some mourning ghost. You doubted the sun had even risen yet.

The hot floors beneath you proved to do little to soothe the sorrow that gripped you. You thought of the people who died here. It had been years, and yet as your fingers traced over the grey stone, it felt like yesterday. You circled back to your bedchambers. Bran didn’t like to wake without you by his side, even if he could easily find you through whatever sorcery ran through his veins.

The heavy snowfall deafened you to any noises, absorbing them as you walked and walked and walked. Before long, you came to your temporary rooms. The guard standing at its doors bowed. You smiled in greeting before reaching to push open the heavy wood. They swung open soundlessly. He closed them behind you, and you wasted no time to enter the bedchamber.

“I would say good morning, but waking without you dampened it to just ‘morning’.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you shed your robe. It didn’t stop a smile from invading your face. Bran responded in kind. A chill had taken up residence in your room since you’d left, the fire dying and the window cracked. You added a few logs to the hearth, stirring the coals to relight the wood. They crackled as the flame licked over the their surface. Bran raised a brow as you chose to close the window instead of joining him in bed.

“Don’t give me that look. You get cold far too easily.” Bran settled into the pillows beneath him instead of responding. You shook your head and tugged off your slippers, crawling atop the blankets to nestle beside him. “We have much to discuss with Sansa today.” He sighed, taking your hand in his. His fingers traced over yours, playing with them as he stayed silent. His default response, you’d come to learn since you married him.

You hummed, “We could stay here,” leaning over to press a gentle kiss to his temple. The firewood popped, the room filling with its warmth as the moments passed. Sometimes you forgot how cold the North could get. Winter was just starting to make a dent in the Crownlands.

“We have duties, my love.”

Duty was a fickle thing. You’d much rather spend time here, alone with Bran. He had a way of seeing into you that no one else could replicate, and you adored him for it. You hoped he felt the same. His eyes fluttered shut as you brushed dark strands from his forehead. “Good morning, love.”

The hours stretched long, dragging as the snow continued to fall. Bran and Sansa were locked away in the study, pouring over plans on rationing and trade that might grant more food to the people of the North. You’d taken to spending your day helping with the children after finishing paperwork on the trade of textiles.

By the time night fell, the clouds were parting to reveal the moon. Its light glittered along the fresh snow. The beauty of it surmounted much of what you’d seen in your years of living. A peaceful quiet swept through the land as the snow finally lessened.

Snowflakes drifted through the air, dancing across the dim moon rays that spread across the rolling hills and mountains of the North. A sight you’d not seen until recent years. You leaned against the cold stone balcony, eyes focused on the horizon. Winter had shown no signs of stopping, and the families cooped up in Winterfell were beginning to grow antsy.

“Come to bed, my love.” You spared a glance at Bran. Even he was weary, face pulled taut with some emotion you couldn’t decipher. He pushed the wheels of his chair over to you, fingers grazing yours as you went back to looking at the forest. “It’s late.”

You hummed in response.

“The winter will end.” Bran reached for your hand this time, his fingers warmer than yours. Your skin felt like ice, and he raised them to his lips to press a kiss to the back of your hand. You looked to him again. The firelight behind him danced along the dark strands of his hair. He looked every inch regal as he gazed up at you.

A howl sounded in the distance. You almost looked back at the woods, but chose instead to reenter your bedchambers. Bran followed behind you. He was quiet as ever, eyes sharp as he watched you ready for sleep. Your robes were discarded, your hair wrapped in a silk scarf, your hands coated in lotion. He tilted his head back. He wondered if you knew the sort of effect you had on him.

“The silence snow brings is worse than I remember.”

You crossed the room to stand by him, arms outstretched to assist him into the bed. He stayed silent. Perhaps it was to keep you talking, or his way of agreeing--you weren’t sure. Regardless, you carried on. When the White Walkers came and the Long Night descended, you’d been hidden away in the depths of the catacombs. Sometimes, the sounds still echoed through your mind. They haunted you in these halls. Your visiting of Sansa for several weeks had brought forth a wave of conflicted feelings.

Bran settled in bed. “How will they all be remembered, do you think?” You climbed onto the mattress, covering your body with the various sheets and blankets as you laid down. Bran reached out an arm to pull you closer. You obliged, burying your face into the crook of his neck. Such blatant physical affection was rare; not because either of you disliked it, but merely due to the lack of time spent together. “They will tell the stories of it for many generations.”

He rubbed a hand along your clothed arms, the fabric soft and thin underneath his fingers. You reveled in it. “Perhaps we will have a hand in it?” He let you pull away far enough to gaze at his face. Your eyes shone with hope and grief, a far cry from the usual happiness that resided there. His answering soft smile soothed something in your chest.

“We will.”

+++

[jellyfemmedyke]

"I'll also say that this is sometimes supported by the trans man creators, like Jammidoger. It's not just the trans women, it's not just the essayists […]" & "you should feel gender affirmed from the violence done to you because that's just how men are actually".

Thing is, until I found trans men/masc people talking about transmisandry/transandrophobia online, every time I tried interacting with my local trans community, especially with other trans men/masc people, has included them all parroting or agreeing with the above sentiments, and it's why I stopped going to my local support group or interacting with them at all. Hearing those things from some well-known and respected trans women and men in our local community and getting pushback when I wanted to talk about trans masc issues, was just so disappointing.

Which is why I'm happy Jessie made that video and came to the conclusion she did. I left a comment just about my opinion on the matter, that while yes I've felt left out on her videos and wish she included our perspective more often, I also remind myself that she and her co-writer are both trans femme. So I don't take it as intentionally or even unintentionally leaving us out, it's a side effect of people writing what they know, however, that's exactly why I watch her, to get a better perspective for myself of trans women/femme issues.

But there were also lots of trans men and masc people in the comments who said a lot more about what our issues are and the harm it does to exclude us, how we do face similar or even the same kind of violence for the same reasons as trans women and femme people, and that often, her exclusion of us in her videos (especially the Barbie one) is adding onto the already exhaustive history of transandrophobia from within the trans community. While I've not changed or added to my comment, in the face of those others, it felt lacking, but I'm also really kinda exhausted at this point, since I've been fighting against biphobia from both cishet and other queer people most of my life now, so in the face of transandrophobia, I just have no more fight in me and have resorted to elevating the voices of others who do.

Sorry for the rant, you don't have to respond, I guess I just wanted to say thank you for getting a ball rolling and here's hoping it goes farther than other attempts before this.

Hey! I think I actually saw your comment, I thought about it a lot too which is is cool that it's bringing me full circle here but I do also agree in part that because they are trans femmes their thoughts and opinions are bound to be almost exclusively from their perspective. I do also watch for that perspective in part as well, but I feel that bigger trans creators who talk about trans topics, need to remember that there isn't just that one kind.

They have the opportunity to make a difference, to give others a voice, a voice which severely lacking in these spaces. I'm not going to wholesale blame them for perpetuating transandrophobia or anything, but if you're making a video on trans experiences and then leave out a crucial part of that experience, or at worse, uncritically repeat those same ideas as a bigger creator with lots of followers, it can have a serious negative impact on members of that groups and reinforces it, transandrophobia. This reminds me of the video that Abigail Thorne did called Beauty, Food, Mind. A lot of that video is her talking about how fatphobia affects HER, a thin beautiful actress, and doesn't really even mention much of fat struggles, or get fat perspectives, and she gained a lot of criticism within the fat youtube community for it because she had an opportunity and the didn't take it, making fatphobia only about thin people instead. I will be honest, I haven't had much of an irl queer community, I have my friends and I have gone out and interacted, but I'm disabled, and poor. I don't have the chance to go to any sort of community events or anything other than maybe a drag show every now and again especially here were I live now, I moved and am back in my home state, so it does make me nervous to even seek out and find a local community. online it's easier to brush off that kind of thing, not being considered or being talked down to or ignored, and tbh gaslit, but in real life? In my own home area, in my real domain?

I'm not sure I'd know how to cope with that rn, especially because I too have had some, let's just say not great experiences with in few irl trans people semi community type groups.

Lots of people are hurting and they take it out on each other, so I feel like I have to put on a persona, or be more femme to even be taken seriously and that sucks. So yeah, it's a breath of fresh air to be able to talk about transandrophobia online with other men and I'm happy happy happy we have this, but It is disappointing and I think it shows historically why trans men have tended to keep to ourselves.

[lean-mean-demon-genevieve]

Is there any evidence Jared and Gen were friends with Joe Rogan? Jared used to follow him but he doesn’t anymore after his political views came out. That doesn’t mean he ever knew him personally.

I got this ask a few weeks ago and life was lifeing and it didn’t get addressed. But answering it today feels extra appropriate.

I planned to say that while I didn’t have any evidence of Jared knowing Rogan personally, I also would like to question anon’s assumption that Jared unfollowed Rogan because of his political affiliations…because that’s not the impression I got. Again it seems anon may be assuming goodwill and good intentions based on overall liking/being a fan of Jared’s.

If anyone has proof of Jared decrying Rogan for his political leanings, I would love to see it.

If you believe this Reddit thread, Jared unfollowed after some Twitter backlash in 2019:

Liking a post doesn’t always mean that you support everything attached to it, but it’s a stamp of approval of sorts. Jared may have liked the comeback story of the guy in the picture. I believe facts and patterns. Call me a cynic, but I try not to attribute good intentions to anyone who I don’t know personally and especially not someone with an image for sale. This is true of any celeb. But Jared has a well documented habit of popping off and then weakly taking it back. So in this case, I’d much rather hear it from him explicitly that he disagrees with Rogan’s views.

Joe Rogan has been a known bro with problematic views long before he became even more openly right-wing in 2020 following the pandemic. Hence the backlash that caused Jared to unfollow in 2019. So basically, Jared didn’t unfollow until people noticed and it caused a dent in his own image. That’s not the same as cutting ties.

Let us not pretend that unfollowing means anything more than PR. In fact, in August of 2020, Gen had this to say in an interview:

Jared may have unfollowed Rogan’s socials but both of the Pads were still listening to the podcast a year later, per her report. And listening enough to proudly endorse Rogan’s “candor” and attach themselves to him in a public interview.

Gen also endorsed some of the same products as Rogan, including Four Sigmatic (mushroom power for focus) and Butcher Box. In this ad for Butcher Box in March of 2021, Jared can be heard to have more knowledge of Rogan’s promo codes than those of his own wife. So it seems 2 years post unfollowing, he is still paying pretty close attention to Rogan’s content:

Even more recently, The Pads and Rogan both endorse Ways 2 Well; a bougie Austin med spa for all things IV, supplements, stem cells, and otherwise “medical anxiety of the rich” related. Is this a crime? No of course not. But I do think it suggests that they all run in the same circles:

(Don’t get me started on Rogan’s anti-trans views while also receiving gender-affirming hormone treatments.)

Cut to this week, and a former Walker bit-part actor is singing the praises of Jared and Rogan in the same post. (To a Jason Aldean soundtrack, no less. You may recall this turd from his song controversy last year.) The post is tagged at Rogan’s comedy club in Austin, Mothership. Rogan himself moved to Austin in 2020, reportedly in part because of the state’s lack of income tax and because LA was too liberal.

And ok, so this says that David is friends with Rogan and also friends with Jared. And to anon’s point maybe we don’t have a documented friendship between Jared and Rogan but I’d argue that it doesn’t matter to me.

On the night before the US election, Rogan endorsed the then presidential candidate Donald Trump in this promo post for his Elon Musk interview:

An endorsement of this nature, I feel, tells us a lot about Rogan’s beliefs. I don’t have the bandwidth nor space in this post to detail all of those points. But from this leftist’s perspective, it includes endorsement of anti-choice/“prolife” (but also anti public assistance), anti trans right, pro war/genocide, anti climate change, and anti vaxx to name a few.

Pada-fans will often cite Jared’s connection to the Austin-based, pro lgbtq+ non-profit organization Out Youth as evidence of his liberalism. But I wonder what the people of Out Youth will think after seeing this photo of Jared and knowing that he came out to Mothership comedy club to see Rogan’s brand of “anti-woke” comedy. (Rogan was performing that night, per this post.)

Here is an article from an Austin newspaper that details the vibe of the club: X

I also think this bit is…interesting. Go ahead and Google the “vibe” of these other comedians if you’re unfamiliar. Big yikes.

And here are a couple other links that detail the content of Rogan’s most recent Netflix special, for further context on the content of his standup: X and X

I have several friends who are also trans. I, unlike Jared, have also never listened to a single Rogan podcast. But regardless of how big of a personality Rogan is, if I had the opportunity to meet him and get my photo taken with him, my values would give me serious pause. If my friends saw me with my arm slung around this guy, what conclusions should they draw from my smile and the comfort they see? Personally, since I do not agree with anything that Rogan stands for, I would opt out. I wouldn’t want to even risk someone assuming my affiliation.

Jared, on the other hand, did.

At the very least you can say that he was willing to risk the misunderstanding. And I think that’s because he knows it still won’t matter to most of his fans. They will always find a way to excuse his choices.

[ace-of-clubs-and-diamonds]

Angel Eyes

What Gabriel lacked in refined skill, he more than made up for with sheer enthusiasm.

Rating: Explicit, NSFW 🔞 Fandom: Malignant 2021 Pairing: Gabriel May x AFAB!Reader Word count: 610 Content warnings: Cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, praise kink, hair-pulling, begging, mild religious themes, accidental denial? I guess?, service top Gabriel, reader is AFAB but gender-neutral AO3 link: Here

Author's Note: Y’all this idea has lived rent free in my brain for so fucking long and it’s about damn time I did something with it. My boy Gabriel has a mouth and a tongue and teeth and fingers. What more do you need? This one is short and sweet but I think it’s enough. Hope y’all enjoy <3

What Gabriel lacked in refined skill, he more than made up for with sheer enthusiasm.

A moan slipped out of your mouth. You buried your burning face into a pillow, even as the action made it harder to catch your shallow, ragged breath. And did little to muffle your next moan. The head between your legs just about purred in response, and the vibration of his voice so close to your cunt had you clenching.

“Fuck, Gabriel.” Your voice came out muffled. “Fuck, you’re good. You’re so fucking good.” You rolled your hips at the same time he placed the flat of his tongue against you. Pleasure surged through your veins. Your fingers twisted into the pillow. “F-fucking hell, God. Fuck.”

Gabriel was shaking almost as much as you were. Shivering and squirming as he ate you out like you were his last fucking meal. Sure, his lack of lips made precision harder. Made it messier, wetter. And his lack of skill only added to that. But God, you were already soaked. And his inexperience just drenched you more, made his eagerness and neediness to prove himself and pleasure you so much better. His tongue lavished your clit, dipped between your lips to drink up your leaking wetness. He spread you out between his fingers to better access you, dipping one in to thrust deep inside as he took your clit between his teeth. You writhed, moaned and chanted his name as if it was something holy, bucked your hips as heat pulsed through your gut. It was delicious, it was wet and sloppy and unskilled and fucking hot. Enough to sustain the pleasure but not enough to get you over the edge.

You don’t think he realized how fucking good that felt, too. The accidental tease, the completely unwitting denial. How the desperation tangled in the arousal heightened it all.

He pulled away, breath ghosting over your cunt. The sight of him between your legs, long hair tangled, eyes wide and glazed over, his other arm curled around your thigh, was enough to send another wave of heat tingling through you. You dropped your head back onto the pillow and sighed. “Please, Gabriel. Please.” Just please. He felt so sinfully good, and you’d gladly burn in hell for the burn of pleasure.

You must’ve spoken some part of that thought – at this point, your brain was practically melting out of your ears, and you couldn’t keep track of what you said out loud and what you didn’t. Because Gabriel pressed his teeth against the inside of your thigh, parted them to lick the skin. His equivalent of a kiss. And his voice rumbled out from the nearby speaker, “But you taste divine.”

God, it was such a saccharine, melodramatic thing to say. It made you want to ride him till you saw stars.

And as if he’d thought the same, his tongue was back on you, both arms wrapped around your thighs and leveraging you for better access. You gasped out as he circled your clit and played with the sensitive nub. Teasing, teasing, teasing. You could cry from how good it was, how good he was. You plunged your fingers into his hair and tugged. Desperately rode his tongue and chased your just-out-of-reach release. Didn’t bother to stop the moans and praise flowing out unbidden. His needy whimpers just made it sweeter, made you grow wetter and burn hotter.

His voice crackled out from the speaker again. “You look–” A broken moan that nearly had you seeing white, “–f-fucking angelic.”

And maybe he was right. How could something that felt this good be considered so sinful?

[nothorses]

This isn't intended to be confrontational, because I know your intentions were good, but your note that you know nb they/thems don't have it easier and it's about "your experiences only" feels a little hollow when your original post specifically contrasts your experiences with the experiences of nb they/thems. If that makes sense. If you'd said "I make cis progressive women uncomfortable by being a visibly masc transitioned binary trans man" that's your experience. But when you say "I make cis progressive women uncomfortable by being a visibly masc transitioned binary trans man and not a nb they/them" it does leave room for interpretation about what you're implying about the experiences of nb they/thems. I understand what people mean when they say "cis women are more accepting of nb they/thems because they can lump them in with women" but the fact is that unless the nb they/them in question also ids with womanhood, being lumped in with women IS misgendering. Being lumped in with women isn't a benefit when you're not a woman. There is a massive issue with the demonization of masculinity and manhood in queer circles, yes, but there is ALSO an issue of people lumping in anyone who isn't a man with women ("nonmen"). And it doesn't become less misgendering to be lumped in with women even if you're an nb and not a binary man. When people make the assumption that it's less "serious" for cis women to lump in nb they/thems with women, they're basically also lumping in nb they/thems with women by assuming we're less harmed by being misgendered as a woman than trans men are harmed by being gendered as a woman. I'm not a woman, woman-centric feminism doesn't solve all my issues, and denying the ways I'm different from women harms me. The way people assume being an nb they/them must be easier bc cis women "accept" us feels very similar to the way baeddels assume transmascs have it easier bc cis women "accept" us. Like they just took "cis women view trans men as uwu pure widdle babies to be infantilized rather than as predatory men to be attacked the way they view trans women" and turned it into "cis women view nb they/thems as uwu pure babies to be infantilized rather than as predatory men to be attacked the way they view binary trans men." Again, I know you don't personally believe "nb they/thems have it easier," and I DO believe you that cis progressive women in your life have started treating you worse the more visibly masculine/visibly transitioned you've become (I'm not gonna be like "no your experience must not be true just bc it's not the same as my experience >:(), but that post was just a nudge for me to talk on a certain rhetoric I've seen frequently recently.

this is kind of the thing I was trying to avoid with that tag tbh, and I think I worded it poorly; honestly, it was a tag I added because I remembered having A Stray Thought when I wrote the first post, remembered that I didn't add something I considered adding but not why or what it was, and didn't think super hard about in that moment. I kind of wonder if it would have been better to leave the tag off entirely.

I don't think it's easier for nonbinary folks to be "easier to lump in with women". I think it's more uncomfortable for cis women when they can't lump trans men (or other trans people who were AFAB) in with women. their comfort with lumping nonbinary people in with women does not translate to comfort for said nonbinary people, and I was kind of hoping to avoid people assuming that I was implying as much just bc I didn't go out of my way to clarify otherwise.

[just-some-random-blogger]

I'm nervous about requesting this since I don't know if it's a good idea, but here goes: Reader goes camping for a weekend and decides to invite Dream to do typical camping activities (canoeing, swimming, hiking, etc) with them on one of those days. Can be pure fluff/slice of life (though I wouldn't mind a little bit of smut too).

Marshies

Dream of the Endless x Reader + Destruction of the Endless x Reader

Summary: "Pardon," Dream shakes his head, "how were you two acquainted again?" Destruction and you turn to each other as you bring your chocolate marshmallows closer to the open fire. In unison, you reply, "Didi."

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: gender neutral reader, camp instructor!reader kinda, unbelievably mopey!dream, puppy!destruction, fluff, jealousy, bro vs bro?, typos, etc.

A/N: HELLO MY BABY LOVE FANGIRLMARY. I AM SO HAPPY YOU CAME TO MY INBOX I DO A DANCY DANCE. I LOVE YOUR URL UR DP AND YOUR REQ SO MUCH I GIVE YOU AN EXPRESS PASS. I havent had a req like this at all i think AHHAHAHA. It's so, how you say, simple and cute which is a great thing to start with for me. n ur like me fr cos i get nervous sending asks T_T so if you're still nervous lemme hold your hand. anyway, it kind of spiraled, and I felt like adding an endless sib so i did and I HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR DESTRUCTION OK 😫 i hope you don't mind huhuhuh and hope you like it my love <3 i think i've used this gif before but its too perfect for the fic not to reuse HAHHAAH Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx @deniixlovezelda @shadow-pancake9

You were a rainstorm and Dream was a sponge, except he didn't know it. With every opportunity he had to be around you, he took you in until he was overcome with an uncomfortable heaviness. He was leaking with grimy emotions. And he was awfully spineless.

Matthew had been croaking from his shoulder, telling him he was a ridiculously wet sponge, and that he had to pull himself together and wring himself up because he was, frankly, disgusting.

That did not bode well for the bird. But this is not about that.

It's about how the lord of dreams did get thinking that. Perhaps, he should in fact act upon these weeping urges, for it was painful to be around you yet not have you.

It was unclear who was more shocked when you suddenly invited Dream for a weekend away, Matthew or Dream himself.

And so with the thickest, greasiest, smuggest smirk, Dream accepted the invitation. He made it known that he was graciously making room in his labor-filled schedule to accommodate your request, but accommodate your request he surely would do.

For the days building to that weekend away, Dream would study all the spectacles that involved camping. He would be camping with you and you would be camping with him; it will be lovely. He visited the dreams of those who enjoyed the leisure, and those who were objectively good at it, soaking in all the things he could learn, much like the sponge he was.

You can only imagine how shocked he was to find that the precious gift of the precious free time you, in your humanly nature, prized so much, was not even a gift to him at all, it seemed. For a gift was not typically shared, not meant to be shared, much less with some 20 other people.

"HEY DREAM!" you beamed, grinning ear to ear as you raised a hand and waved at him the moment you spotted him.

You promptly jogged over and huffed through your smile, "I'm so glad you decided to come! You'll like the people here, I promise."

Dream looks at you as a toddler busts a lung out crying. He cannot find himself to smile, though you do, for a corrosive jealousy was ripping through his stomach. You begin to explain that most of the people present were from the same circles as you,and that you did most of the planning for the weekend. You reiterate that it will be fun.

And yet as your expression softened and your brows raised while you assessed his form, he could not not smile at the sight of your doe eyes.

A dark cloud thunders above him.

He begs to disagree.

"You didn't bring any bags? Any equipment... at all?" you tilt your head.

Dream places his hands behind him, "I find no need for it. After all, anything you can posses comes from nature, does it not?"

You pull your head back and chuckle, "wow, okay, nature man," you grin, "I'm glad you at least dressed for the woods. I would have told you off if you kept your trench coat on."

Dream needlessly brushes off his tank top then places his hands in the pockets of his jogging pants, "I am capable of dressing cordially to the setting."

What he was incapable of doing though, was sharing. But you already knew that. At least he thought you did.

You introduce him to many people, he nods in regard but does no more. When someone calls for your help to set up some things, Dream immediately swoops in and makes sure that he would be the one to help you as you help.

"I must say," Dream starts as he lends you a hand whilst in building some tents, "I thought that today would be a more... intimate setting."

You turn to him as you poked a stick through the fabric, "it is. This is the smallest number of people I've hosted for a weekend at this site."

Dream's eye twitches, "but I had thought," he turns to you with a stern expression, "the invitation was exclusive to me."

To be honest, you were too preoccupied with setting up to notice how serious he was about it. The moment you caught the glint in his eye, your stomach dropped. Your lips part at the grave expression etched across his face. "Uhhhh," you clear your throat, "well, I mean, you're the only person I invited, if that counts for anything."

Dream sucks in a breath as he finishes doing his side of the tent. He walks over to you and helps you with your side. He does not look at you as his hands take yours but he knows in his bones that your eyes were on him. He also knows there was a heat blossoming in your cheeks.

He mutters, "I see," he spares you a moment's glance, "then I am glad."

That didn't last long though.

The next thing he knows, he's made to sit with a group of men, all somehow bearded, laughing over the 'good ol days' over some beer in between scolding the human spawn they had with them.

After that, he was doing yoga with some mothers that were giggling over embarrassing stories, and how good looking he was in between scolding the human spawn they had with them.

And then, well, he was holding a leash of dogs who were eager to run off but not allowed to because their masters where setting up, and so they ended up barking at the human spawn they had with them.

Then, like a true omen, he heard the laugh of the prodigal.

How did he know it The Prodigal? Well, considering the earth shook beneath his sneakers and the flock of birds fled from the trees, he was certain it was him.

Normally, he'd be glad to see his little brother, but when he saw his giant frame next to your smaller one, well, let's just say everyone who was in the middle of a nap at that moment woke up from a terrible nightmare.

"Brother," Dream interjects your giggling conversation.

Dream, needless to say, was salty to see your temperate exchange. He had gone above and beyond to socialize with the people in this camp, and yet here you were with the wrong Endless.

You and Destruction turn to him mid-catching your breath. All Dream could think about was how you had your palm on Destruction's bicep.

Was the temperature dropping?

Destruction perks. He raises his hands and steps forward, "brother!"

Dream is sealed into a tight embrace and is lifted off the ground in the process. His eyes are on you as you look between him and Destuction.

"You two are brothers?" you ask in surprise.

Destruction turns to you as he sets Dream down, "we are!" He slaps Dream's back, making his body flinch to the side. The older of the two grunts where the younger one smiles, "he's my big bro!"

"Oh!" you say with wide eyes. You tilt your head, "well then that explains the odd names."

Destruction gives a hearty laugh. Dream eyes him hotly.

Destruction sighs, "I'll know to call you if I ever did you get my brother to agree to come out somewhere."

Dream grunts.

You shake your head, "I'm equally surprised to see him here, honestly. Most of the time I'm not even sure if he enjoys being around me."

He turns to you upon hearing this.

"He's a tough nut," Destruction retorts, pulling his brother into a side hug, "but he's not hard to crack."

Before Dream can even respond, his brother rakes them both over to the lake, "now, how about we go canoeing!?"

Destruction couldn't have offered a more terrible idea.

The canoe boats were not suited to carry the Endless, much less two at once.

Destruction, ever the gentleman, did not hesitate to plunge ankle deep into the lake, only to ensure that you get into the boat safely. He held your hand as you stepped in, and Dream bristled as he watched.

When his brother turned to him, offering out a hand in order to do the same for Dream, the older of the two practically seethed in annoyance.

He turned his cheek and crossed his arms.

Destruction sighed, "oh, come now, Dream. The canoe awaits!"

Dream is adamant and stays put.

Destruction presses his lips into a line and decides to get in with you.

"Come on, Dream," you urge upon seeing his pettiness, "canoeing is fun! I promise."

One of the many promises you've made thus far.

Dream lets out a breath upon hearing your voice and the yelp-turned-giggle that you release as your tiny canoe rocks because of his massive brother.

Dream holds back an eyeroll as he watches you clutch onto Destruction, as not to rock the boat further. You giggle again, as does his brother.

"Very well," Dream says, walking over to you both.

It was futile however; every attempt in joining the already crowded canoe lead to only disaster.

It was clear Dream could not join in the canoeing, at least not in the same boat.

So the two of you rowed deeper into the lake, and Dream followed after in a separate canoe all by himself. A miserable predicament.

He could hear your soft voice, droning about all the nature facts you knew. It was audible, your excitement. He could not see you, not with his physical eyes at least, but he knew your face was lit up. It always did in moments like this. Destruction listens intently as you speak, though undoubtedly, he knew most of what you were talking about already, being a nature buff himself.

He reacted with excitement accordingly. He gasped, and laughed, and inquired further in all the right moments. He made your voice lift into further enthusiasm. He made it sound so easy. And perhaps it was to him.

Dream then rowed faster, so that, finally, your rides were side by side.

Destruction talked to you about the old sprites and spirits that used to live in these parts. Dream catches how you lean in to listen to his words. His eyes practically burn when he catches the flower in your hair, the same kind of flower that was in Destruction's.

Dream felt like jumping into the canoe across him, but that would hardly put him into your good graces, so he doesn't.

Before he realizes what he is doing, Dream clears his throat then loudly speaks, cutting his brother off, "you know I am friends with the queen of the fairies."

Both you and Destruction turn to him.

Dream ceases his rowing and allows his boat to drift next to yours.

There is a long silence between the three of you.

You turn from Dream to Destruction, jaw turning slack.

Why are you looking at him?

You push your shoulders back and tilt your head, "ah..." you smile at Dream, "I see."

Dream clenches his jaw. That was not the reaction he expected. But then again, he was unsure of what he was expecting.

It's Destruction that diffuses the thickening awkwardness, "he commissioned Shakespeare to write for the queen, you know."

You pull your head back then chuckle, "ah," you smile brighter, "he did, did he?" You turn back to Dream, "and which Shakespearean work would that be?"

Dream lifts his nose, "I have inspired the bard to write a great many plays. Two of them however are specifically for me."

You lean back in laughter, clutching your chest in delight, "ah, is that so? Let me guess, is one of them A Midsummer Night's Dream?"

Dream smiles, "precisely."

You laugh louder, shaking your head, "that's seems about right. I must admit," you sigh as you level your breathing, "I haven't really read that story at all. I... don't think I have the brain power to."

"No shame in that. I personally prefer painting over plays," Destruction notes, claiming your attention once again, "I admit, my attention span is not so suited for long winding plays."

You laugh again but Dream does not enjoy it, "yeah. I don't mean to offend the dead, but I can't really understand Shakespearean at all, so. The language is too outdated for me."

Dream accidentally (intentionally) hits the side of the other canoe. He feigns ignorance for a moment but then turns to the two of you, offering a wry smile, "apologies."

He was not at all apologetic.

In the end, Dream was situated between yours and his brother's shoulders in front of the large campfire most of the people on this wretched camp trip were circled around.

The explosiveness of the day had melted into a solemn and warm nightly gathering. Everyone was doing their own thing, cooking food, passing said food around, sharing stories. There was a strong sense of community. Dream, yet, felt like he did not belong.

The nightmare king, as he was talked over by the two of you, passed the 3rd plate of pie, rhubarb this time, to the person past you, then sunk deeper into his spot.

You were oblivious to him, he thinks

You were not. You noticed he was sulky ever since the canoeing. You offered a stick of animal shaped marshmallows to Dream mid conversation with his brother. He declined and sat up straight.

"Pardon," Dream shakes his head, "how were you two acquainted again?"

Destruction and you turn to each other as you bring your chocolate marshmallows closer to the open fire. In unison, you reply, "Didi."

Ah, Death. That made sense.

"Wait," you raise a finger, turning to Dream. He immediately perks up. Finally, he has your attention.

"If you're related to Didi," you start, "then that means you're-" you point to Destruction, "related to Didi."

Destruction grins, "my big sister!"

"Ah," you smile, "being sweet must run in the family."

"I have had enough!" Dream blurts, standing from his spot. He does this so abruptly that you drop your marshies and it calls the attention of other camp goers, not that he cared at all at this point.

He fails to realize that you did very much care.

You feel the hair at the back of your neck prick as you look up at fiery Dream. He pipes, "you told me it was I that you invited, I and only I, and yet you have done nothing but speak to my brother the whole day!"

Destruction can feel the agitation radiating off you for being put in the spot like that. He raises a hand, "Dream-"

"You are not being spoken to, Destruction," he turns to his brother, "know your place."

Not that you looked, not that you wanted to, but you could feel everyone's eyes burning into your body.

Destruction raises his hands in defeat. He turns to the crowd and sees a few of them were looking on in their direction. He turns back to you then the next second decides he knows what to do. Destruction looks out to the cliff from not too far off, then with the slightest tilt of his head, it falls with a loud splash into the lake.

It effectively distracts everyone who was looking your direction and everyone who wasn't.

"WOW!" Destruction points and stands, "that was a rock falling!"

You stand as well, looking to the people moving over to see what had happened to what, but Dream's grip on your arm keeps you from following.

"Please," he mutters, making you turn to him. His face is mystical in this light. It is shadowy yet so beautiful. "Speak in earnest. I cannot take this any further. I wish to know who between us has your heart."

You are effectively winded by this talk. It came out from seemingly nowhere.

"Is it I or my brother that you want to be with," Dream mumbles lowly, making your entire body freeze.

Your breath hitches, "b-be- what?"

"Must I speak more plainly? You can only have one. I am not particularly generous, and I certainly do not like to share what is mine," he raises his hand. You hold your breath in fear of the sound of your shaky breath when he brushes his fingers against your shoulder, "what I want to be mine," he whispers. "I especially find it difficult to release something that I want-- tenfold knowing what I want could well end in the arms of one of my siblings."

Your heart was echoing in your ribcage and your eardrums at this point.

The thumping would have excited Dream had he not been so green with envy.

"Destruction is dear to me," his soft lips move ever so slightly, "but if it comes to it, I will fight for you."

You nearly choke on your breath and your spit. A fight? One between Dream and Destruction? It sounds like a primordial event. A shiver runs down your spine. You shake your head quickly, "please don't."

Dream knits his brows and shakes his head more surely than you did, "I will."

Your breath hitches, "to be honest-" you blurt, "I didn't realize you- you... liked me like that."

Dream watches as you gather your thoughts.

"You... you do pop up in the strangest places, but I chalked that to something of fate or... proximity," you give a nervous look, "and you're not very good at showing emotions... I normally convince myself that if you didn't want to be around me, then you wouldn't."

He steps forward and places his hand on your cheek. "Allow me to make myself perfectly clear then," he rubs your skin with his thumb. Your skin pricks with goodbumps.

"Think back to the first moment we met. Every moment after, all instances that you have seen me was not coincidence. That was me purposefully reaching out to you, wanting be near you, wanting to see you, wanting to hear you, wanting to be with you, wanting you."

Both his hands are on your face now. His thumbs ghosts over your lips, "I want you."

You gulp.

"Do you want me too?"

You can't speak. You cant think. You can't breathe.

He doesn't let you when he leans in and kisses you. Soon enough, he gets his answer when you grab onto his top and kiss him back.

The forest trembles beneath your feet. Neither of you notice.

There, behind a not too far off tree, Destruction watches.

Matthew, in an announcer voice: In a total 180, the Dream rizz reaches maximum capacity, and in the end, he gets what he wants.