#as in 'practically brain dead'
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
ok I know I'm already in the process of writing an extremely long video game retelling/au where the protag is a nonhuman who gets suddenly and unwillingly put in a situation where they have to pass as A Normal Guy by the threat of harm/death while also being put into a role where they're the Only One capable of saving the world. but what if I started a DIFFERENT one too
#howling#specifically I've been tossing around this bg3 scenario#where the dark urge and some random druid (specifically a circle of spores druid) are on the nautaloid when it gets attacked#the druid dies badly and the symbiotic entity they're carrying gets kicked out of their host#and so it attaches itself to the nearest living thing as like a self-preservation measure#which happens to be a VERY lobotomized dark urge#as in 'practically brain dead'#and so the entity is now stuck in a new body they have to figure out how to pilot COMPLETELY ALONE#other than the extremely unhelpful passenger already in this fucker's brain (the tadpole)#and still has the dark urge instincts and. well. urges. but they have even LESS access to memories than normal durge has#so it now has to both convince their friends AND their enemies that yes they definitely are a humanoid guy with a past#and not a cloud of sentient fungus puppeting a sort-of corpse#idk I just really love the idea of everyone being like 'wow it's so fucked up that we have parasites in our brains threatening to take over#and this guy is just like. oh hahah yeah (<- is a parasite who took over a guys brain)#anyways. id still be writing history offers preservation but id just ALSO be doing this too#like. idk maybe it'll help my writers block if I can mix shit up a bit#use scrapped ideas for one that might work better for the other y'know#this also isn't like. a guaranteed thing btw. I've just been rotating this concept in my brain for a bit now
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
my offering to my fellow citizens of kremy nation for kremy wednesday! kremy being a diva as usual reference and close up after the cut
#hes so gender#done on freeform#i just go shapes -> colors -> details using the highlighter and pencil and it makes my lizard brain happy#10/10 recommend#the color function is a little annoying#i have to layer and color pick to get the colors i want#BUT#its also color mixing practice soo#i love it when i have fun drawing#you can pry the inner eye corner highlight from my cold dead hands#hopefully it makes up for bald kremy/j#its so cursed#ill figure out how to draw him without a tophat eventually#HAPPY KREMY WEDNESDAY EVERYONE#kremy nation#mandatory kremy appreciation tag <3#kremy wednesday#kremy whimsday#kremy lecroux#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#ouaw#ouaw fanart#my art#i just realized his tail looks like a leg#not my intention#but honestly?#slay
229 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Frozen Dead | 1966 This film was ahead of its time.
#The Frozen Dead#Kathleen Breck#Herbert J. Leder#Dana Andrews#Anna Palk#Jan in the Pan#the brain that wouldn't die#horror#horror movies#British horror#practical effects#hammersmith horror#film stills
200 notes
·
View notes
Text
DPxDC PROMPT:
Danny starts making podcasts about space.
DC guy of your choice listens to Danny in the background while working on stuff.
Danny gets a new boyfriend who already loves his voice and has spent hours at a time listening to him talk about space.
#dp x dc#dc comics#danny phantom#dc#danny fenton#dead on main#brain dead#dead serious#death defying#deadlights#space race#target practice#supernova#brain fried#tagging this with many ships but not all of them#there's a lot of ships you could use this for and i'm interested in seeing all the possibilities within reason#dp x dc prompt
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay but Tommy drops out of high school — he told his father he was gay and he told him he could either be homeless or go to military school. He goes to military school and joins the army and he likes flying the helicopters because it means he doesn’t have to do any of the killing himself. And he makes some friends.
There's one guy who's like the squad leader who's a few years old and built like a Greek god and Tommy's young and a little bit in love. And they're friends maybe even family because this whole group of people spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. And they all talk like a family and they all say they love each other and tease each other and it's nice. And one night it's just the two of them trading a flask of some sort of alcohol that Tommy doesn't know the name of and the man asks Tommy why he joined the army and where he wants to be in five years and Tommy trusts this man. He's half way in love with him so he doesn't even think twice before he tells the story about the time he came out to his family and his father nearly beat him to death before sending him here. And the conversation tapers off after that and he doesn’t register the change in the air but when he wakes up the next morning he’s being dishonourably discharged because he poses “unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability”. He knows what that means.
Tommy joins the fire department because he doesn’t know what else to do. He represses anything regarding his sexuality because he knows now that it’s wrong. He almost feels like he has a family again because his captain seems to like him and some of the guys are cool even if they say things he doesn’t agree with. And then he starts agreeing because maybe they’re right and he’s wrong and he’s just inherently wrong. So he follows their leads and is just straight racist because that’s how he can fit in.
And then a black lesbian woman joins and says she’s a black lesbian woman and Tommy doesn’t understand that either because you can’t be queer you just can’t be because it’s wrong.
But he nearly dies and and an Asian man saves his life and a black lesbian woman comes up with a better idea than any of them had and she tells them she’s no different and she is just as capable. So he improves himself he does and he tries to be better but he still can’t be who he is because the last 2 times he was honest about that he was betrayed.
Tommy leaves the 118 and “don’t ask, don’t tell” is lifted and he meets this guy he likes who likes him back and the 217 don’t seem to have a problem with the gender neutral pronouns and he slowly but surely lets himself open up again and be who he is and when the thing with that guy doesn’t work out because he’s moving to New York and Tommy’s not sure he’s ready to leave, it’s okay because his crew is there and they support him and he can still be himself.
#years later he flies a helicopter into a hurricane for the same people who stopped him from going too deep#into something he didn’t even believe in#and there’s this guy with a birthmark above his left eye and the widest smile there is#and he’s saying absolute nonsense and Tommy can’t help but smile#and there’s this other man too also gorgeous but not his type#who has all the same interests as him and he thinks if anything he’s made a new friend#and then the cute dorky guy calls the next day stumbling over his words saying his name is evan - from the rescue mission#and he asks for a tour of the 217 and Tommy agrees because how could he say no#and then he’s asking to go out but he already has plans but rain check? because there’s something about this guy that maybe…#and Tommy thinks that’s it but then evan turns up everywhere#and then things get a bit funny and Tommy feels like it’s his fault and he has to apologise#so he goes to Evan’s house not expecting anything just to say sorry#and Evans there looking absolutely amazing as always and he’s saying things that Tommy can’t help but read into#and he’s getting closer and closer and Tommy can’t help it#he kisses him and keeps his eyes shut just a moment longer just in case#he doesn’t want to open his eyes and see a disgusted look across Evan’s face so he stays closed just a little longer#but evan just looks like his brain has restarted and he’s nodding and joking when Tommy asks if that was okay#and they’re going on a date#and it hurts when evan says those worlds because tommy has spent long enough in a closet being someone he’s not and hurting people#and he can’t go back there he just can’t and he doesn’t want to be the one to force evan into anything so he leaves#and then he gets a call a stuttered invitation to meet at a cafe and of course Tommy says yes#he doesn’t know what he expects but it’s not this#Evans beaming at him with the brightest smile asking him to be his date to his sisters wedding#how can he say no when he looks like that (as long as he never buys coffee again)#and evan holds his hand even though everyone is around and ok that’s good#he’s late to the wedding and practically dead on his feet but he said he’d be there so he comes and the moment evan sees him#hes kissing him and he’s ok that’s great he could get used to this#bucktommy#911 abc#tommy kinard
114 notes
·
View notes
Text
things have been so stressful and I haven’t been able to watch hermitcraft now I'm finally catching up and it feels like everything is fine again.
Just caught up on mumbo, bdubs, and Joe. everything is great. nature is healing.
#my art#hermitcraft#joe hills#these markers are so old#they're practically dead#my brain keeps telling me to go to digital because tradional art doesn't get that many notes#it's also harder to fix mistakes#but I'm having too much fun#no I think I'll keep going with the markers
119 notes
·
View notes
Text
- a rant
no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???
ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...
theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.
okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).
so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.
that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.
.....or so i thought.
because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.
what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.
WHAT.
WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.
correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.
note how im saying 'would have'.
because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.
so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.
...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.
now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.
the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.
so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.
im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-
youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?
...oh.
YOU.
YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-
inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.
i hate him. i hate him so much.
if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??
'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.
a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!
(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)
ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:
this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.
i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺
unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.
which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-
"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."
"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."
hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-
"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."
"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"
...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.
unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.
and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.
"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."
"you gave up your revenge for me?"
a chance... for what?
"life begins anew."
"shall we get to work?"
and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.
so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.
nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.
so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).
tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.
have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-
#fox gotham#nygmobblepot#i hate my life i hate this show i hate these characters i hate everything#you dont understand they are my destiel#i mean it#they ruined by life#i have literal trigger words that are just about them thats why im thinking about them this time in the first place#that fucking show isnt even that good is just okay like a 3 stars i dont get it why are they everything#rant#technically counts as an analysis. so#series analysis#nygmob#edward nygma#oswald cobblepot#nobody will see this 1 bc i dont have a following and 2 bc this shows fandom is practically dead but it doesnt matter#this is here so that my brain wont explode#i hate gay people
69 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinking about how the entire reason Zane went along with Wu was to try to find out more about his past. Thinkinggg about how he reached his true potential after finding his father's workshop. A big chunk of his character arc in s2 focused on how badly having no family left affected him. Then he found out how father was alive and he was sooo happy... and then his father died. And then Zane died too.
#alek insanity#ninjago#zane julien#dr julien erasing zane's memories the first time he died and practically giving him a new life -> zane ending his own life once his father#died a second time is something that's in constant brain rotation. zane's sacrifice was an act of suicide#“oh. but he needed to defeat the overlord” he found an opportunity and took it. season 3 he was constantly putting himself in harms way#even though it was completely unnecessary. kinda crazy about none of the ninja knowing how fucked up he was about his dad's death#rewatching s2 like... damn zane doesnt make it another year ! and how these are the teams last interactions before everything falls apart#s3 had lloyd off doing his own thing. the love triangle threw a wrench in things. and then zane died and s4 is them picking up the pieces#guhh the period of time where zane really was dead and how messed up the ninja were. especially kai#“it shouldve been me” and it snowed at zanes funeral when kai gave the speech and he became an alchoholic#what the hell !!! whatttt the hell !!!#when zane sakd “IM GLAD YOU MADE ME” OHHH MY GOD OHHHHH MY GOD IM SICK#rant over
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
"hyacinth, i do not think penelope can breathe" → "i cannot breathe" + the clock chiming after penelope passes out, ergo.... she does indeed actually stop breathing.
#*carly catalogs#i've managed to avoid spoilers cause i'd like to go into pt. 2 as blind as possible#and netflix has this annoying way of advertising and releasing so much sneak peak footage of their most popular show#not that i really mind spoilers normally but ya know#i saw a gifset of hyacinth practically pouncing on penelope and colin's comment ignited this theory again#there really is no significance at all here#yet my brain is still at war with itself over this#like... i am sane enough to know i'm dead wrong#but delusional enough to still have expectations#sszdfrttyghjkl#clearly it's her anxiety and all her bottled up emotions finally creeping up on her#rather than there being something actually medically wrong with her#so it's really not going to be THAT climatic but still.....#just another post exposing myself and how big of a clown i am#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3#bridgerton s3 part 2#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#polin#otp: you are special to me
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
THIS ROBIN
WITH THIS NANCY
EVERYBODY MOVE!!!
#RONANCE#RAHHHH#back from the dead to spread a very specific agenda#this is practically a coming out post bro#nancy wheeler#robin buckley#i usually dont even like posts like this but brain chemistry was altered on this night
859 notes
·
View notes
Text
Imagine if you will... Ray with a tongue piercing ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ 💭
A more "messy" version under the cut bc I wanted to practice tears and stuff.. 👀
#Ok I may have put way more effort into this than I should've but I literally couodnt stop thinking about this#I used this as an excuse to practice rendering so technically its productive ( ꈍᴗꈍ)#I really enjoy drawing tears and idk what that says about me as a person#I just love the idea that hes just talkin away and suddenly you see a little glint in his mouth and oh my god is that what i think it is?#and hes such a bottom that he would just let you open and pkay with his mouth to see for yourself#he's just my lil sopping wet meow meow I can't help but put him thru situations#I think often about his different sides clashing and being very gap moe#like Ray with a tongue piercing? please someone hold me back bc I'm going AT HIM#I want EVERY version of this man I cannot even explain how deeply the brain rot goes#the day I stop thinking about Saeran Choi is the day I drop dead actually#I wont fill the tags with any more salacious comments about how sl\/tty this man is but just know the thoughts are plentiful#anyways enjoy the food#more art to come as I'm getting back into my artistic groove lately#my art#mystic messenger#mysme#saeran choi#mysme saeran#mysme ray#mystic messenger unknown#unknown mysme#ray mystic messenger#mystic messenger fanart#mystic messenger mc#mysme mc
111 notes
·
View notes
Text
there may actually be an anderperry one shot coming up soon yall....
#that’s todd btw 👆#i had a new one shot idea that hit my brain like a bolt of lightning and i actually think maybe theres something there worth pursuing#im thinking about writing some blurb of neil and todd drinking together in their room late at night and bonding and just having some.#very soft and deep and potentially emotional conversations#i think it would be mostly fluff but probably some angst#bc i cant seem to keep angst out of my fanfics dskadjaklj#anyway idk this might be a terrible idea but i thinks i might try it#if youre interested please lmk!!#ik im giving you practically nothing but its still a fairly half baked idea tbh lmao#dps#dead poets society#anderperry#dead poets fandom#dps fandom#dps fanfiction#dead poets society fanfiction#dead poets fanfic#dps fanfic#todd anderson#neil perry#anderperry fanfic
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄
#my art stuff#digital art#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion ancunin#this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle”#I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style#but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!!#I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism#cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever#constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal#you know how it is 😔#I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff -#- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it#which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance#I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead#it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong”#at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards#man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether#either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something#being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff#don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes#tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me#i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure
54 notes
·
View notes
Photo
The Frozen Dead | 1966
#The Frozen Dead#Herbert J. Leder#Anna Palk#Kathleen Breck#Jan in the Pan#British Horror#The Brain that Wouldn't Die#practical effects#horror#Hammersmith Horror#fire#laboratory#mad scientist#candle
684 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok im actually making a dent on the Lights Out prelim outline - ive got a bit over 4k in it but i didnt realize how tough the real start would be. It's actually... sort of boring lmao
#like all frank and wally can do is#sit around and talk / read / avoid sally / check on friends#like??? ITS SO SLOW#what fuckin else is there to do?#like we've got the minor conflict of them still having to do the occasional play for sally#and there's the existentialism of frank learning that everything is fake#but once he acclimates? theyre just vibing#all thats left is for frank to slowly lose hope and also touch with reality like wally#i mean i want him to go through an investigative phase bc he is Observant#but once he reaches the inevitable dead end?#theyre just hanging outttttt#what the hell would they even talk about...#frank trying to chat with a Very out of touch out of practice wally#absolutely unprompted#and so inevitably i have returned to the Aftermath and am working on that while my brain turns over act one things#ive got it on lock all the way to frank meeting the 'new' wally#siiiiiiigh....
44 notes
·
View notes