#as if it's any of their damn business
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and god help you if you're not binary trans and then god DOUBLE help you if you're not nb "the right way" aka "so basically i'm a third binary gender that looks exactly half way between girl and boy also i'm completely 100% human and 100% desire to be human and only human and just as invested in picking Gender Team to be on as everyone else because we all know the only thing that exists or matters in the universe is baseball and exactly what baseball team role you define your existence by permanently without ever even considering anything else right?"
the Trans Experience in our society is being treated like schrodinger's gender. you're a woman when they wanna deny you agency and a man when they wanna deny you support. this is an experience that unites nearly all of us, whether transmasc, transfem, or something else.
#most people even in queer spaces don't even believe you exist then. at best you get treated like woman lite#(but only if you were considered female originally. if not then you get treated like “disguised man(derogatory)”#even by people who otherwise aren't fond of terfs)#and good fucking luck trying to explain any relationship with identity stranger/more complicated/GOD FORBID more distant#than the afformentioned 'i'm the third binary gender'#without *every single* other Not Straight/Cis person on earth IMMEDIATELY deciding on some level that you're just a narcissistic cis poser#and if you're very lucky they will be polite enough not to say so to your face immediately upon every interaction#but will still continue to treat all of your opinions and inclusion under their umbrella as a polite afterthought the existence of which#is entirely dependent on you never actually saying anything or having any opinions or needs/wants in general#and never attempting to actually *use* any of that Queer “Community” Cred or expect to have like. voting rights within said “community”#well allow you to pretend you're one of us so long as you sit down shut up and don't expect us to ever actually give you a club creditcard#purely for our own convenience of course. but when the chips are down you'll be our meatshield and we expect you to thank us#for even allowing you to be that much in our presence#and xenogenders? voidpunk? even the most basic types of multigender/fluid? god for your own safety just fucking forget about it.#half the lgbtqa+ population will consider your very existence personally offensive enough to actively want to explode you with their mind#and the other half will condescendingly pat you on the head and assume you're a furry and/or that you're only like this because autism#as if it's any of their damn business#and the good old universal fallback “anyone who likes/thinks/feels a thing i think is weird can only possibly be doing it because fetish”#i still rememebr years ago when people were clamoring for a trans npc on flight rising but ignoring that scribbles was right there#because scribbles is they/them nonbinary so they “don't count”#people still don't count them last i saw#in the same breath they were insisting galore (a cis man character to my knowledge) absolutely HAD to be trans because#“the shape of his eyesockets looks too female” which is uncomfortably reminiscent of just straight up terf bone structure arguments
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cute date idea: feel a bit homesick while watching aurora borealis for a bit before absolutely destroying yourselves on black sand
#i love when theyre stupid like this in ep[REDACTED]#good stuff. gill healing them just so they can keep going is so fkn incredible#just roll with it#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#jrwi chip#jrwi fish and chips#my art#*colors a sketch* *colors a sketch* *colors a sketch* *colors a sketch* *colors a sketch* *colors a sketch*#ive drawn so much shit today#i feel absolutely insane and damn i havent gotten through any eps bc ive been too busy drawing the fuckers damn#its been like 10h of mostly just drawing them. im so sane im so fucking normal im so fucking normal im sooooo sane
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as a rule I don't do character song playlists but in retrospect damn this is a kendal number huh
#minding my damn business going back through my saved songs for the first time in possibly years#and kablam I get blasted by a brain AMV I definitely did not an any point intentionally arrange
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Steddie | 1.7k words it is (swedish) midsummer so I wrote this based on my favorite old tradition because I can and will make anything steddie, so like glad midsommar (happy midsummer)
“What are you doing?” Steve asks as he follows Eddie to the hallway where he’s frantically putting on his shoes.
“I almost forgot,” he mutters under his breath not acknowledging Steve at all.
“Forgot what?”
“I can’t believe I almost forgot.”
“Eddie,” Steve says a little louder, more adamant.
He does look up at Steve then and almost looks surprised to see him. As if he’d forgotten he was there, as if they haven’t been hanging out for hours.
“Oh,” he says. “Uhm,” he squints at Steve who waits for him to continue, to explain. He doesn’t.
“Yes?” Steve implores because he would really like an explanation. Eddie had just abruptly stood up halfway through telling Steve about some folklore he’s using in his new campaign, just cut himself off mid-sentence and walked off. Steve doesn’t think it’s especially weird or demanding of him to have questions.
“Did you have other plans that you just now remembered?” Steve frowns, starting to feel unsure when Eddie still isn’t saying anything. It’s just past eleven at night and Steve doesn’t know what plans those would be but he had showed up unannounced earlier in the evening so it’s not impossible that Eddie had plans that Steve interrupted.
“No, no, no,” Eddie assures him finally breaking his silence, “it’s- okay it’s a little silly but I read this thing researching and I want to try it.”
And well, okay then.
Steve raises his eyebrows and waves his hand gesturing for Eddie to go on.
Eddie’s cheeks turn a light pink and he resolutely looks somewhere above Steve’s shoulder instead of at him.
“Midsummer, which is today, is supposed to be this magical night and there are all these traditions and old myths about it.”
Eddie glances at Steve and he smiles. Tries to show he’s listening and wants to know whatever thing Eddie read about.
“And well, okay so there’s this one tradition where you pick seven different kinds of flowers before you go to bed and then put them under your pillow and you’re supposed to dream about who you’re gonna spend your life with.”
Steve blinks, wasn’t expecting that and doesn’t know what to say about it, so, he blinks again.
“Maybe it’s dumb, but with all we’ve seen magic and folklore don’t seem so far-fetched and,” he shrugs, “I wanna try. And like, it’s close to midnight and I don’t know if that’s a rule but I don’t wanna risk messing it up.”
“It- huh,” Steve frowns slightly and looks at his shoes then back at Eddie. “Yeah alright, let’s do it. Can’t hurt right?”
His voice is light, like it’s not a big deal and just a fun thing Eddie read about because that’s what it is, isn’t it? But something about it settles deep in Steve’s gut. Makes it feel important in a way he’s not sure he could explain if he tried. Maybe it’s just the fact that Eddie is getting so worked up about the possibility of dreaming about the person he’s gonna spend his life with when Steve maybe a little bit wishes it would be him, but like, only a little.
Eddie looks at him with wide eyes like he didn’t expect Steve to want to join, like maybe he expected Steve to make fun of him for wanting to do it. But then something seems to switch in him and a slow smile spreads over his face and he gives Steve an exaggerated once over.
“Looking to find your true love huh, Harrington?”
“I thought you said it was the person you spend your life with, not the same as true love necessarily.” Steve quips back because technicalities are easier to argue over than answering that question, especially when Eddie is the one asking.
Eddie shrugs. “Different sources say different things, sometimes it’s true love sometimes it’s who you marry.”
“Well, then I guess we’re both looking to find our true loves?” Steve hedges, drags Eddie down with him if they’re gonna go there.
A soft look passes Eddie’s face before a responds, voice quieter. “Guess we are, yeah.”
They pick their flowers in silence, something about the magic being broken if you speak. Walking around the edge of the woods behind Eddie’s trailer a couple of feet apart, every once in a while coming together or crossing paths.
After, Steve stands in between Eddie’s trailer and his own car. Holding on to his bouquet of seven flowers unsure what to do. He could go home, he should go home, but he doesn’t want to. He did have some beers hours ago and if he was allowed to speak he’d use that as an excuse to not drive and ask Eddie to crash on his couch. Right now he can’t though so he sighs inwardly and turns to his car.
He makes it about two steps before a hand reaches out and grips him around his free wrist stopping him. When he turns around Eddie is giving him a look that very clearly says ‘stop being stupid’ and jerks his head towards the trailer silently telling Steve to go with him. He doesn’t let go though and uses his grip on Steve to drag him along like he can’t be sure Steve will actually listen and follow. As if Steve would ever not follow Eddie.
They quickly get ready for bed. And again when Steve walks toward the couch Eddie grabs him and shakes his head. He waves his arms around a bit like that’s supposed to explain anything but Steve isn’t too bothered about an explanation anyways and easily follows Eddie to his bedroom.
They’ve shared a bed before but always when they’ve been drunk or high so this feels different. Steve is a little glad they can’t speak or he’s sure he’d blurt out something way too revealing about it all.
He avoids looking at Eddie as he tucks his flowers in under his pillow, knows Eddie is doing the same next to him. Is aware of it only being an old myth from a region halfway across the world but there’s a weight to it. Something real and tangible.
He expects it to take a while for him to fall asleep like it always does. For him to twist and turn and lay awake until the early morning. For once though, that doesn’t happen. With the weight of Eddie next to him and to the sounds of his soft breathing and small movements, Steve falls asleep.
And he dreams. He dreams of big brown eyes and bright laughter. Of wild hair and warm arms embracing him. He dreams of growing old next to someone and how every wrinkle on their face tells a story of their shared love.
He wants to stay in the dream forever, desperately tries to hold onto it even as he floats into consciousness. He turns and groans, gets a mess of someone’s hair in his mouth and nose and that’s enough to startle him into full wakefulness.
Eddie grumbles next to him, clearly also just waking up. Steve looks at him, with his wild hair and his big brown eyes that are slowly blinking open and of course. Of course, it was Eddie he dreamed about.
Their eyes meet and Eddie freezes. Eyes widening as he looks back at Steve.
“Oh,” he says.
And yeah, oh.
“Eddie?” Steve asks, unsure of how to bring it up, to ask about it. If he even should?
He puts on a teasing smile, even though he feels like goo inside, but making it lighthearted is all he can think of because what if he’s taking this whole thing way too seriously? Jumping to conclusions?
“Dream of anyone?”
Eddie nods and looks away, “I did.” He says it simply, voice careful.
And maybe it isn’t just Steve.
“Who?” He asks, dropping the teasing tone.
Eddie swallows and looks back at Steve. “The person I wanted to dream of,” he says and it’s not really an answer but he’s looking at Steve so intently he thinks it still might be.
He thinks about Eddie’s quiet but delighted surprise at Steve wanting to join him yesterday. About Eddie dragging him first into his trailer and then into his bed. How they’re so close on Steve’s side of the bed and Eddie must have drifted towards him in his sleep.
He bites his lip to stop his smile from spreading too wide, there’s still a chance he’s misinterpreting things, “yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“And who would that be?” Steve asks, leaning in even closer until he feels Eddie’s small puffs of breath across his face.
“You,” Eddie whispers but Steve hears it clearly.
He takes a moment to bask in it, to let it wash over him before he responds.
“That’s good,” Steve tells him eventually and Eddie’s eyes are so wide and open, and so pretty, “because I dreamt of you.”
He knows it’s cheesy so he doesn’t give Eddie time to respond, just leans in and closes the remaining gap between them. Slots their lips together. Eddie gasps into the kiss, grabs Steve by the hair, and pulls him in. Makes all these cute noises that make Steve want and want and want.
He shifts, goes to put his leg in between Eddie’s to move on top of him and get a better angle. But he only gets halfway before Eddie grabs his hips and twists them around. Pushes Steve flat on his back and straddles him.
He grins down at Steve.
“You think the Scandinavian magic worked or was it just dream psychology and wishful thinking?”
“Does it matter?” Steve asks, way too earnestly. But like, they’ve just spent this whole time doing some true love magic so he thinks it’s fine, “got what I wanted.”
“It’s forever though,” Eddie points out, bending down to bite at Steve’s jaw, “if we believe the old Norse people.”
Steve hears the question there, thinks this might be Eddie’s way of asking what this means to Steve. His way of telling Steve this isn’t just a hookup for him.
“God yeah,” Steve exhales, “I fucking hope so.”
He feels Eddie smile into his neck and grabs his hair, uses it to pull him back and steer him into another kiss.
#listen I wrote this today while actively celebrating midsummer during any break i had so lets just hope it makes sense and isn't riddled#with mistakes but if it is i can only apologize...#literally me with anything ever 'but what if it was steddie tho?' like damn del calm down#posting this after midnight tho so just shhh about it okay? ive been busy busy#me: ill work on my wips#also me immediately: *writes something else*#but it was for the occasion so#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#dels steddie thoughts#my writing#stranger things#steddie fic
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FW! Mikey crochets!
he does a lot of other things too and crochet isn't his main thing (i think Raph eventually takes that as his main hobby later on) but he does do it!
#tmnt#rottmnt#family web au#my doodles#rise mikey#i also may have also put far too much thought into how he's able to integrate his webbing into such fiber arts#(b/c i recently started crocheting and have been watching damn near any youtube video that mentions yarn or needles)#like i don't think he'd do much crocheting or knitting with his own webbing#simply b/c it would be most similar to silk and that can be very tangely and slipery to work with#if he did use it for that he'd probably hold some other sort of yarn with it#if he was workign with just his own webbign he probably leans more towards weaving work#like with donnie's jacket#yeah i've spent too much thought on the mechanics of mikey using webbing in these sort of crafts#but that's what happens when 2 fixations meet lol#also happy friday update#(even though it's past midnight here and thus no longer friday)#(it's close enough)#(i had a busy day and couldn't draw until now)
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OC X CANNON WEEK (day 7): Brushing hair.
#this was such a nice draw to do ive been so fckn busy this week i barely got time to draw but damn this made me relax#at this point im a firmer beliver that any type of caress on leona's hair is going to make him relax to automatically sleep#twisted wonderland#twst#twst fanart#reinbouxsart#oc x cannon week#yuno yamine#leona kingscholar
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Anidala 🌽 comic - Interruption at Varykino
Warning: Mature content
https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/5818681
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c24ae2fd99b0ee5e7f3a2cc61d0ef465/eceb6a4c61289df3-71/s540x810/8516421a841b812b8b1dae8d666e15c90a0f7380.jpg)
Umm... I tried to get it, well...
#Anidala 🌽#Anidala M rated comic#Hah I've been thinking this would happen at some point 😅#I tried to get his... right so... sorry if doesn't look much presentable?#I'll fix it soon just wanted to post it now 🤭#My damn scanner just stopped#It's all Obi-Wan's fault#Still... Ani would be dreamy even angry (*_* ) 💕#Padmé lucky gal#She would be so ready for him even with Jedi business right next door lol
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can the hulu era futurama writers please for the love of god understand that not every episode needs to be an ensemble piece
#something that's bugged me about a lot of these episodes is the fact that they seem to shoehorn in as many characters as possible into#any given plot#yknow back in MY day most episodes would be about fry/leela/bender#with like an occasional hermes or amy or zoidberg thrown in#but most of the time everyone else was back at the office MINDING THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS while the other three delivered#im just saying it doesnt. leave room for very interesting b and c plots when everyone is doing everything together#let alone any room for actual character development on an individual level#main characters are main characters for a reason! side characters are side characters for a reason! both have merit and can be utilized in#different ways!!!!
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6bcb17ccb17a4dead7f471f8f95735a0/a250d9c9f22f45d6-92/s540x810/e2930eb314f5486e5409cb702de0d3eb48c83faf.jpg)
doing the heavy lifting in a convo can be so tiring omfg
#THIS IS NOT ABT ANYONE HERE BTW I’M JUST RANTING#we talk abt the non-yappers but what about the Yappers…….#like are you interested in talking 2 me or not my friend lmk bc if not it’s always so much easier not to speak 😭#and i try to match people’s energies in how they text my friend said i’m a weird little chameleon like that#don’t know why they put the weird and little there but i’ll let it slide bc that’s oomf4life 🤨 but anyways#sighhhhhh sometimes i’m like oooooh am i too much ^_^ and then i back off#ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT ABT ANY MOOTS OR ANYTHING i love you all i would die for you#you can see me as the gum on your shoes and i’d be like :3 YIPPEE!!!!!!!!#but it’s like sometimes i talk and they don’t respond and i think they do to others and then i’m like :O LIKE DID I DO SMTHN WRONG#and like w IRL’s/close moots it’s totally fine like we’ve gone weeks w/o talking and then just get in the groove immediately#but then w a very small handful of people it’s like damn . baby i’m pulling teeth and i do Not feel like pulling anymore#BUT ALSO!!!!! i need to think from their perspective and maybe some people don’t like my texting energy which is fine and valid (die)#((kidding))#and also maybe some people feel that way abt me! like it’s pulling teeth or it’s just awkward (which is genuinely valid)#anyways . inch of resting#i will say i do worry sometimes that i end up centering the convo about what EYE think but i never mean it in a narcissistic way!#i just want them to know that i relate/they’re not alone! but i wonder if they may think that i’m making it abt me WHICH I PROMMY I’M NOT…#but there’s no point thinking that way but also . i don’t care NFNDNDNDN respectfully like i have my group and i can just stick w them :3#i rarely vent on here like this but SIGHHHHHH where else can i <3 i love tumblr tags#i would be nothing without tumblr tags i can talk here like it’s no one’s business#ANYWAYS TIME 2 EAT A BURRITO AND THEN WRITE#personal
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You should make me fall so deeply in love with you that it’s embarrassing
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#and BEFORE any of yall say that ‘oh um actually love is never embarrassing’ shit— fight me#respectfully we cannot vibe#half of love for me is goinn around KNOWING that i would eat a cardboard box if it meant i could see the person i love smile at me#and it is my god given RIGHT to cringe at myself for it#also love in general is so fucking embarrassing#having the feelings doing the in love thing expressing it#it’s all EMBARASSING#the whole POINT is that the love makes me do it anyway#like if i love you enough to EXPRESS it??? like damn i love you A LOT#like obviously it’s different for everyone but this is what my post is about#and i am choosing to say in advance that NO this is not where we’re doing any of that ‘love is never embarassing’ business#let me watch someone trip and think it’s hot so my brain can go: :/#in PEACE pls#embarassment or cringe isn’t always a bad feeling and yes i WILL die on this hill😤😤😤#im gay and i like sleeping
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Here, have a snippet of the Jason & Steph sibling bonding portion of the DP x DC AU I wrote 10k words for since last night in a haze of post sickness/burnout creative burst, featuring some Anger Management because of course it does lol
(I call it a snippet but it’s like...3k words lol)
Trigger Warnings because most of this snippet focuses on them running around Crime Alley and shit that goes down in it: references to drugs, overdoses, domestic abuse, child endangerment (if I miss anything let me know and I’ll add it). Nothing expliciet or details but they are things mentioned as happening because, well, Crime Alley.
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Spoiler shifts subtly from foot to foot on the rooftop, hands open and ready at her side as she split her attention from watching him and checking the street below for signs of trouble. Her gaze was sharp on the girls working the corner, tracking for any hint that the man talking them up was making any of them uncomfortable even as she made sure Jason didn’t suddenly dart across the ten feet between them to strike out at her.
“George Conrad.” He said, satisfied that his sudden breaking of the silence didn’t make her jump though did catch her attention fully, fingers twitching warningly towards her belt. He nodded his head down to the street and the large man rummaging through the bag he brought with him. More of the girls had huddled up around him. “Not a john. Not even from Gotham.” He explained, shifting to walk over to the edge of the roof, giving her his back as he did. “His son Kyle ran away from home while George was oversees and ended up working the streets. George tracked him down once he was back in the states a few years ago but by the time he made it here Kyle had been killed.”
She moved to join him at the ledge, still leaving space between them but not enough for his guns to be as effective. Smart, vigilant, but still with a soft enough heart to stop and listen to one of the many tragedies that played out in Gotham’s darkest streets.
“What happened?” She asked, eyes softening on the big man in question as he started handing out ziploc bags. Jason knew very well what they held, and wondered if Spoiler could make out the finer details from the distance they were at. Sandwiches, granola bars, water bottles, condoms, clean needles, wet-wipes, little travel sewing kits, over the counter pain meds. Anything and everything George had ever been told would be appreciated or useful by the sex workers he spoke to.
“Overdose.” Jason answered, grateful that the distorter built into his helmet disguised the tightness of his voice. Memories of a cold body on the floor, stiff and waxy with distant glassy eyes. “Got mixed up with the wrong person. Boyfriend. Not a big player but,” He shrugged and knew that Spoiler would understand. It was how a lot of people got mixed up in sex work when they wouldn’t have normally. Boyfriend that promised the world, the painful fall into being pressured to sleep with said boyfriend’s friend, then another, then another. “One of Daisy’s boys was a neighbor and figured out what was going on, Daisy helped get him out but it was too late by then.”
Below one of the girls, younger than the rest - an adult, because he wouldn’t allow anything else in his territory, but still new to the scene - surged forward to wrap her arms around the old man. George gave her a gentle pat on the back, pushing her back gentle to dig out a card from his pocket. A list of numbers for her to call, shelters and organizations that could help, his own number in case she ever needed anything. “They chipped in for a funeral for him. Gave George somewhere to go and mourn. He’s been here ever since, trying to look after them all. He works as a bouncer at Daisy’s these days but he always does the rounds when he isn’t working.”
“People never get this part.” Spoiler mused, voice going soft and distant. “They always think the Alley is just…” She waved a gloved hand, “Trash and monsters. They can’t seem to get that there’s more. Just…people. Some really good ones even.”
He smiled behind his mask. There was a reason she was the one of the whole Bat Clan he’d decided to trust with this.
“Come on.” He said, waving her after him as he began an easy run that’d let them both move easily from rooftop to rooftop. Spoiler hesitated a moment, but at length followed, quick and quiet as she darted from shadow to shadow in his wake.
They spent the following couple of hours meandering around Crime Alley at an easy clip. Squat roofs and rusted fire escapes, narrow streets and dark corners. Pausing to jump in and handle anything that popped up or at particular spots of interest where he’d point out places and people. The chop shop run by the ragged gang of teens and children some of the gangs had been angling towards that needed looking after. The homeless encampment nestled between the grimy apartment building Daisy O’Neil had taken over to run her business out of and the tiny, almost forgotten pauper’s cemetery. The usual roosting spots for the drug dealers, the gambling dens, the little family owned cafe that had the best Tantuni at midnight and even better Turkish coffee at the crack of dawn.
It was as they perched on top of this last one, tucked back in the shadows away from view as Spoiler devoured the freshly made Lokma that Mrs. Solak insisted on making fresh for them when they stopped by that the question finally came.
“So what exactly is all this?” Spoiler asked, popping another of the sugary, honey covered Lokma in her mouth. He’d shoved the container Mrs. Solak had given to him over to her after eating only a few, knowing she was going to try to steal them anyway if he didn’t. “When you said you needed my help with something in Crime Alley, I was expecting…I don’t know, drug runners or something.” She popped another golden dough ball in her mouth, cheeks round as a chipmunk and voice muffled as she said, “Not a tour of the place.”
Jason let his head fall back on the brick of the rooftop entrance behind them, eyes scanning the glittering horizon of the Gotham skyline, trying to sort out his answer. He had talked about how he was going to do this with Jazz, practicing what he was going to say, what he wanted to reveal, what outcomes he could expect from the whole thing. When he left he’d felt confident about it all, riding high on the warmth of Jazz’s kiss and the fluttering thumps of little legs kicking against his hand. Now that he was here though he felt lost as to how to begin.
“I’m hanging up the mask.” He finally said. It wasn’t quite like the first time he’d said it out loud, in the privacy of his apartment, curled in bed with Jazz, only brave enough to whisper it in the dark. There wasn’t that rush of anxiety and relief that had hit him at finally saying what had twisted over and over in his head for weeks leading up to that moment. Now there was just the settled feeling, the certainty, the surety of being on the path he wanted to be on. “I wanted to ask if you’d look after my territory me when I do.”
Spoiler gaped at him. “Wait, seriously?”
He almost laughed, he settled on giving her a lazy smile. “Seriously.”
With her masked pulled down so she could eat her treats he could see her wide eyed, disbelief on her face easily. “Why?”
He gave a shrug, aiming for nonchalant. “This used to be your territory for awhile, right? You’re from here, you know the Alley and the people and how it all works.” He felt his smile go softer, “I trust you to be able to keep it safe.”
Spoiler’s - Steph’s - expression softened at that. “That’s…thank you.” She glanced out the same way he had before, face caught in something bittersweet. “I…I hated this place growing up. I still do, kinda. I think everyone that lives here does. But I still missed it, it’s still…still home.”
“Yeah,” He agreed, mind turning over his childhood. The constant fear and hardship. Living rough even when he did have a roof over his head. His father’s heavy hands. His mother’s slow wasting. Crime Alley was a complete shit hole, one where the worst of the worst tended to gather. But it wasn’t all monsters. There were good people too, just trying to scrape by. Old George wandering the streets handing out necessities to working girls and boys. The Solak family and their little shop, giving out the left overs to the street kids and homeless. The Nightingales, crammed into their two bedroom apartment, just trying to get by. “I knew you’d get it.”
They sat in silence for awhile. Steph chewing over his request and her Lokma, Jason lost in memories of the past and wistful dreams of the future. At length the blond next to him bumped his shoulder with hers, head tilting at a questioning angle. “I…I really appreciate what you said, about why me.” She said, awkward and touched in equal measure. “But…I was actually wondering why you were stepping back.”
He was ready for that question, he was. He’d initially just wanted to leave it at none of your fucking business but Jazz had - wise as ever - pointed out that he was asking her a favor, and a big one at that. He might not be comfortable with the rest of his family knowing everything - or anything - but Steph at least deserved an explanation as to why he was asking her to take over his territory.
“You tell anyone this, and I will kill you.” He started and then cringed internally because that had not at any point been something that had come up in his practice conversations with Jazz. Oh well, any more ooie-gooey feelings talk and Steph probably would have thought he was replaced by a pod person or something. “I’m seeing someone.”
The faintly alarmed look the blond vigilante beside him had melted away in an instant, replaced by a sly, mischievous grin. Hellion. One whiff of gossip and that’s all it took. “Ooooh, Big Bad Red Hood has a heart after all.” She crooned, ignoring her earlier reticence to get too close and leaning dramatically against his side. “Who is it huh? Anyone I know? Ooh, is it someone in the Outlaws?”
He was reminded of before he died, suddenly. Of teasing Dick over his latest crush over a beautiful red head that could kick his ass like a proper annoying little brother. In an echo of that moment so many years ago, he shoved Spoiler off in the same way Dick had done to him, rolling his eyes at her dramatic squawking as she nearly dropped her treat to disguise the small smile that wanted to curl at his lip. He swiped at the container lazily, a feint at stealing it back that resulted in a brief scuffle that ended with him popped a few of the Lokma in his mouth as she tore the container - that he had given to her in the first place - away, holding it close to her chest like a precious treasure.
“No, no one you know.” He answered at last they finally settled down. He paused for a beat, gaze turning back to the city as he added. “She’s a civilian.”
Spoiler looked considering at that, chewing at one of the last of the Lokma thoughtfully. “So what’s going on then? You do a face reveal and she asked you to quit the vigilante business?”
“No.” He said, taking a small, steadying breath. Better to just rip off the bandaid. “She’s pregnant.”
Spoiler went still beside him, laughing eyes shuttering and face falling into a neutral mask as she stared at him. After a long, long moment she gave a small, unreadable little, “Oh.”
Jason fought the urge to fidget. Oh. It could mean so many things. Oh shit. Oh no. Oh how nice. Oh boy I can’t wait to tell Bruce about this. That last one, admittedly, was unlikely. Spoiler was on good terms with most of the Bats and Birds but she and Bruce had long had something of a rocky relationship. No where near as bad as what he and the old man had, but still enough that she was probably the very last person to willingly go hunt Bruce down to share all the details of Jason’s private life unless she thought it particularly necessary.
The silence stretched on. And Jason knows what silence does to a human brain. Four seconds of quiet during a conversation after saying something registers as rejection, caused feelings of anxiety and apprehension, even caused the same signals in the brain as physical pain. Prolonged silence and steady attention at the same time caused an urge to fill the quiet, to speak and keep speaking until the other person says something. It was something Bruce taught him, guiding him along in his Robin days on how to perform interrogation and get the person they were questioning to spill their guts.
He was taught too how to outlast that silence in situations where he was being questioned. Both by Bruce and by the League - though the interrogations that he was meant to resist under their teachings had far more than long awkward silences to contend with. He knew how to clamp down on that instinctive drive to keep talking when faced with stillness like this.
And yet, somehow he could stop himself.
“I just…I think about being a kid and my dad going to work,” He said the word with appropriate amount of vitrol, “And then never coming back. Him dying in jail and it just being me and my mom trying to scrape by. Or…or with Bruce. Knowing that I was always going to place second to the Rogues and the city. I just…” His head dropped back on the brick behind him, eyes closed and throat tight. “I can’t do that to my kid. I’m going to be there. I’m going to make sure they’re safe and happy and that they don’t ever have to worry about if their old man is coming home or not.”
It was a nightmare he’d been having, since the morning he and Jazz crowded over a couple of pregnancy tests and saw the results. Dying out in the gutter and shambling home as a ghost to see the grief he left behind. Jazz crying, a child who’s features he could never make out standing in the doorway the way he would stand at the entrance of the cave when he was too injured to go out with Batman. Waiting in painful silence and burning tears to find out that his father was dead.
“I’m not…I’m not cutting out of the life completely.” He said, trying to focus past the squeezing in his chest, trying to force the conversation back into a conversation rather than him just pouring his bleeding heart out to a blank wall. “I’m going to talk to Babs, see if she’d be alright with me helping with some of what she does, or get something similar setup solely for the Alley. I’m going to keep tabs with my guys on what’s going on and work with them that way. And if there’s anything big, obviously you guys can call me in, I’m not just going to sit back if there’s a city wide threat or worse, I just - “
There were arms around him, suddenly. Warm and strong as they wrapped around him, a face pressed into his shoulder, his nose tickled by blond hair.
He sat there, frozen for a long moment before slowly, lifting his own arms to return the hug. Steph gave him an encouraging squeeze. “I get it.” She said, voice whisper soft and almost lost as she spoke into the leather of his jacket. “I think…I think if I’d been older, if I was more able to keep her…I think I would have done the same thing.” There was a faint sniff as she finally pulled away. She wasn’t crying, but her eyes were bright with tears. “I’m happy for you.” She moved to gently head butt him, “And I’m honored to take over watching over this shithole of ours.”
Jason gave a watery laugh, not even caring that he was crying as he scrubbed away some of the tears that had burned down his cheek. “Thanks Blondie. Steph.”
She rocked back on her heels, arms crossed as her expression turned suddenly serious. “I do have one condition though.” At his look the seriousness melted away into an exuberant grin. “I want to meet this mystery woman of yours. Wait!” She brightened, “Two conditions! I want to be there when you finally tell B and the rest! I am not missing the look on their faces when you tell them!”
He rolled his eyes and shoved her, sending her tumbling into the container of Lokma and sending the remaining fried dough balls rolling across the grungy roof. Steph squawked, dropping to her knees before the thoroughly ruined sweets as dramatic as if it was her one true love laying dead before her. “They were so young, so innocent!” She wailed, throwing her head back as if to howl at the sky in mourning before snapping back to him, finger pointing at him accusatory. “You! This is your fault! I will have my vengeance!”
The rest of the night was spent darting from rooftop to rooftop in an echo of the game of tag he used to play with Dick and Babs years ago. Tackling each other and fighting without actually aiming to do real damage. Only pausing to jump down to the street or through a window here and there to knock some heads together.
By the time he was heading to the Dead Man’s Hand so he could walk Jazz home - or whisk her off to his safehouse, if he was lucky and she was able to duck her siblings for the day - he felt lighter. Steph would look after the Alley, the people he protected. He’d work with her over the next few months, get her integrated with his lieutenants and make sure she was familiar with the ins and outs of his little slice of Gotham, make sure she was as ready as she could be to take over for him.
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#jason todd#stephanie brown#jason & steph sibling bonding for the win#anger management#jazz fenton#crime alley#jason retiring as red hood#jason asking steph to take over looking after crime alley for him#my head canon is that the second Jason realizes he's a dad in any capacity he's gonna walk away from the vigilante/crime lord life#he just wouldn't be able to do it to his kid#Steph and Jason would be friends you can't convince me otherwise#they'd get each other in a way I don't think the rest of the batfam would#also Jason and Barbara teaming up to be overwatch would be amazing#the amount of snark and sass that everyone would get over comms would be unending#i'm so fucking glad to be finally writing again god damn#trying to point my brain back to business of family but this particular au has me in a chokehold right now#i just wanna write the scene were Harley shows up covered in blood and hugs Jason & Babs & tells them they're safe#because she finally killed that fucking evil ass clown#bc the Joker threatened the family Jason was building for himself#and Aunt Harley wasn't having any of that fuck you very much for thinking otherwise Joker#ghosts of gotham au
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every day my brain produces the sentence 'blue doesn't deserve that zero's dick probably has a vibrate function. but in this life we don't get what we deserve we get what we get'. and every day I have to sigh and go 'I mean it's true but should you say it'
#posts I have been holding off on making for years but you know. maybe I do need to say it. maybe that will exorcise it#campaign star wars#zeblue#minister blue#agent zero#evil campaign#whatever zero's got going on down there has always been a hilarious sort of 'you know what? none of my business!#that's a private matter. happy for him and well wishes any way that shakes out' situation for me. rarely has a fictional character#made me feel more like respectfully averting my eyes and minding my own damn business. since his legs mostly seem to be artificial#(them robotic glutes synox gets enraptured by in battle) I suspect one answer is more likely but like man not for me to say#his poor body has been through enough I'm not gonna gawk at it on top of all that#never had this response to any other character so it's doubly hilarious. zero privileges. respectful mental modesty towel#I will politely avert my eyes like a real bro have fun with your insufferable megalomanical twink champ#I don't think anyone else should have to deal with him but you clearly want to so go for it#yes I have written entire sex scenes with this mindset and it basically worked out#because the erotically charged element here is a lot more about the dynamics involved than the body parts hahaha
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I wish my boss would look at the schedule she has created for me just once before asking me if I have availability to make up an event
#speedrunning getting fired by replying to her email w a screenshot of the back to back doubles 4 days in a row like. idk what do you think#you know damn well I don’t have any availability I’m busy doing the jobs YOU scheduled me for#it’s been a morning 😑😑
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trying to finish reading dungeon meshi now that it's done and just seeing everyone in the comments talking about ships. gun to my head
#ofc anytime someone says they ship smth straight someone has to be like 'ermmmm labru and farcille are better' like. not to me.... sorry#i actually do like farcille but people are so annoying about it acting like it's 'essentially canon' that it puts me off.#tbf that why i dislike a lottttt of ships LMAO not that i'm in the habit of caring abt it too much in most media#but sometimes it just really annoys me liiike laios and marcille have just as much ship tease as farcille (if not more)#but they couldn't get naked and go in the bath together so it doesn't count ig#tbf i'm not even huge on any ships except maybe fleki and lycion. i love when two equally weird ppl love each other#also like. they already had someone in the story who was head over heels for falin and i'm pretty sure shuro and marcille act nothing alike#when it comes to her. so. eh. i mean yadda yadda subtext or whatever i guess lol but if it can just as easily read as not romantic then#i kinda find it hard to care honestly. which is why i don't really ship anything from it. which brings me back to my original point#why is that basically all people talk about when it comes to anything... it should be a garnish not the whole god damn dish#and there's soooooo much in dungeon meshi that's more interesting than romance which is basically never once a priority#anyways. i'm just being an asshole and a hater as usual so go about your business and do what you want. i'll just be mad about it alone#labru is so nothing burger though i will never understand...
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Okay I did get distracted by a grade being posted and I am about to be both a nerd and a millennial but god ngl I do hate classes where you get full points on all your assignments but don't actually get any actual feedback on them. What is the point. If it's a class where everyone gets passing grades for making the effort but you get actual feedback and comments, that's great! But I would genuinely rather get points docked and get extensive comments on what I did well and what needed improvement and why than this.
#what is the POINT#like at that point it feels like busy work frankly! it doesn't feel like anyone's worrying about whether or not I learned something!#and like I can self reflect on my own learning. I'm good at that. that's fine. but a) not everyone can#and b) it REALLY does not help the perception that a degree is something you pay for but don't actually need to learn anything to get#which is a MASSIVE problem rn. there's no actual value placed on LEARNING THINGS.#like I know for a FACT that I have turned in B+ average assignments at best in this class.#just cuz I only have finite time and I gotta stay sane and it's not an area I'm going to go any further than surface level in.#the overview is good and important! but the work I'm doing is reflective of my investment and frankly it should've earned a B+ at most.#like at least if you're docking a point and telling me what for I know you READ the damn thing. christ alive.#you may ask yourself 'oh my god why are you like this' and the answer is. have you looked at my blog.#anyway. okay nOW I'm going to bed.
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