#as if ignoring it was the best option when in fact it's the fucking WORST ONE

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Sasuke's ending annoys me as someone who studies history because like...just sweeping an entire massacre under the rug does nothing but set up for the exact same thing to happen all over again.

[y-rhywbeth2]

It's always interesting romancing Astarion as Durge and getting to the Act 2 Scene when you haven't actually gotten the relationship upgrade scene.

"You could've told me, you know."

Like; could they?? Up until this point Astarion has been at best amused by and at worst mocking about the way they struggle with the Urge. Anyone romancing him at this point has no reason to think he's after anything from them except sex, blood and maybe protection from Cazador. There's a dialogue option in an Act 2 conversation that goes along the lines of "I didn't think you even liked me." He's obviously manipulative and has been blunt about the fact that he's selfish and interested in preserving his own skin; fuck everyone else.

You are not the guy one turns to for comfort and understanding, babe.

And all that makes the sudden care he displays surprising and all the sweeter for it.

But he's still so bad at comfort. He's not bad at it in the heat of the moment (attempted breakup, when Bhaal kills them, while Bhaal possess them) but he tends to go back on guard immediately after ("very... twee," "hello darling, come to kill me again?"). When Durge finds out they're a Bhaalspawn he'll only comfort them if they say something he relates to (they're afraid). Everything else he ignores (or shuts down - "gods you're not going to go on about father this and progeny that, are you?")

I love Astarion as a character because of his flaws, and it makes sense for him, but I don't think he has grounds to be surprised that Durge isn't opening up about their problems all that much.

[karniss-bg3]

The cult of the absolute doesn't strike me as necessarily caring about the quality of life of its followers given they can just-- brain wash them into thinking it's the best. What kind of living situation do you think Kar'niss was put into? After all-- they made an ogre stay in the same rooms as other races.

Without a doubt, the Absolute are dogshit at cultist accommodations. If they had a Yelp page it'd be one stars down the line. Although I hear the continental breakfasts have their perks; If you don't mind tadpoles in your oatmeal, that is.

When it comes to our dear baby boy I fear he may have it the worst out of anyone, or the best depending on how you look at it. I don't believe he lives at the tower full time. Driders are bloodthirsty and are required to consume blood at least every four days, otherwise their bodies begin to break down and they can die. Unless Ketheric Thorm had a steady system to meet these dietary needs it would require Kar'niss to go out on the hunt for meals. And if there is one thing driders are biologically wired to do, it's hunt...and often.

I believe Kar'niss spends most of his time at the camp where you first encounter him.

This area is large enough to handle his size and secluded enough to where he's rarely bothered. Stationed so close to the mountain pass it also affords him the jump on any foolish enough to enter the Shadowlands. If you enter through the doorway at the back you also find a lot of evidence that this could be his primary feeding nest.

Bloody drag marks, bodies in trees and rock faces and skeletal remains piling up in the cavern below, it's the perfect spot for a hungry drider to enjoy his meal in peace. He likely drags his victims to the tree, drinks them dry and discards the remains for scavengers or fiends to clean up.

I also believe this is the real reason he was given the moon lantern. Not because the Absolute actually favored him, but because out of anyone he would be required to venture into the Shadowlands most often. This elected him as the impromptu guide for any True Souls that wandered to Moonrise.

As for where he sleeps, I doubt he does much if at all. Drow only require four hours of rest with their trance ability, and Kar'niss is still labeled as a drow in his profile. Rest wouldn't come easy to him with so many voices bombarding his mind, vying for attention. So when he's not being tasked by the Absolute to act as a guide or some other side venture, he's either hunting or looming at the top of Moonrise tower to be closer to "Majesty". I have an idea as to how Kar'niss became so thoroughly mind fucked by them, but that's for another post.

If he does stay at the tower primarily it would be just as lonely as the pseudo campsite. Kar'niss is the Ned Flanders of the Absolute (with more murder), and everyone else is Reverend Lovejoy. Sure, they believe and follow faithfully, but Kar'niss is a bit too extra even for them. His constant ramblings, his fanatic devotion and how temperamental he can be make him an unpopular option to hang around. He's likely dismissed or outright ignored. In fact now that I think about it, I don't think a single NPC addresses him by name. The guard at Moonrise calls him 'drider' and that's it. Perhaps Minthara does but I can't recall to save my life. Sad.

Overall I think regardless of where he chooses to hang his web, it's a very isolated existence. The Absolute don't care about him, non-cultists don't care about him, and he has an invisible timer ticking down toward his expiration date. The poor creature is simply too brainwashed and broken to know it.

Thanks for the ask!

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

If there's one thing i can say good about jimmy from mouthwashing is that he's effective cautionary character about "some people don't deserve a chance." He's a good reminder that some people are utterly horrible and cause nothing but harm if you try to help them

Mouthwashing is great because literally everyone in there (except Daisuke) is an antagonist.

Jimmy is very much his own worst enemy and even though he is the protagonist in that he's the guy the story is about, he's also creating his own obstacles in his story with his actions in a Man vs. Self way.

Polle is the face of the incorporeal antagonist; the opposing force of the capitalistic hellscape the Mouthwashing crew live under. Every problem the crew faces that is not directly Jimmy's fault, from supply shortages in the Tulpar, to the lackluster quality of the vessel, to everything being a 'dog and pony show' as Swansea put it, is because higher ups wanted to cut corners and cut corners they did.

Curly is the sloth antagonist, not a villain because of what he's done, but because of what he *hasn't* done. He was Jimmy's friend instead of his boss, he hadn't spoken up against management despite the fact that as the captain of the ship he really should not lie there and take it when human rights are being violated (lack of locks on bedrooms, the 'one celebration only' rule, pretty much every rule shown on the posters, four cryopods and five crew members, etc...), and he admitted that while he'd 'go crazy looking for the dead pixel', he elected to ignore it the second it meant something more, ignore it in favor of the big picture, the second it was a much more serious issue than he thought it was. I have a strong feeling that one of the reasons why his life is one he wants to escape is because he's not an active player in his own life but a passive entity that just keeps chugging along the same tracks laid out for him no matter how rusty and broken they are.

Swansea is the Red herring antagonist, he's a grumpy asshole, however, he's only really a villain through the very biased eyes of Jimmy who sees the worst out of him because Jimmy is projecting what he would do in Swansea's shoes onto Swansea. As opposed to being a protagonist's shadow antagonist, he's the 'good clone', he's a man who isn't the best, but he did get his act together when he knew he was on a dark path. Swansea is brave enough to admit when he's gone too far and needs to take it back while Jimmy remains a coward who lies to himself til his last breath.

Anya is the sympathetic antagonist in that she's an opposing force against the protagonist (Jimmy) simply by existing and clawing her agency and personhood out of the narrative despite the fact her story is shown to us through the eyes of her tormentor and the man passive to her torment. The devil works hard to make her look like a pathetic damsel in distress, but Anya works harder; keeping Curly alive despite all odds, managing to do the hardest thing she could do and call for help twice (Once to Curly, the second time to Swansea) despite it being futile, and took matters into her own hands only when there was clearly no other option for her. Anya has two giant flaws against herself: her kind heart (trying over and over to get into medical school despite the glass ceiling (there's no way in hell there's not a glass ceiling in her case, SHE KEPT A FUCKING SKINLESS MAN ALIVE WITH SHITTY FIRST AID KITS), and telling fucking JIMMY 'I don't think our worst moments make us monsters'.) and her horrifically bad luck (See.. the entire game).

[lovelylonelymoonlight]

Bruce is seventeen years old. Bruce knows this-he can feel it in his bones. Bruce also knows that he isn’t supposed to be seventeen. That’s his first clue. The way the number settles in his mind is wrong, distinctly.

His second and more damning clue is Oli standing in his early 40s right in front of him.

The third clue is an older Zatanna starring at him with wide eyes.

God he fucking hates magic.

There are others standing around him, all wearing varing shades of garish colors; blues, reds, and yellows so bright they hurt his eyes. He also notes the item in his hands, the one he pulled off his head as soon as he’d woken up, appears to be the helm to the combat suit he’s been designing. Before he can begin to assess just how bad it is that these people have seen his face, someone speaks up and all of Bruce’s attention snaps to them.

It's the Green Lantern.

“Oh my god, Spooky’s a fetus.”

Okay not the Green Lantern, that one retired when Bruce was a kid, and this one has different features, but a Green Lantern. Bruce has been training his emotions since he was 13, but given the situation he prides himself on not asking the guy for an autograph. Khoa would definitely point out his micro-expressions of joy, he can practically hear him. He shoves his shoulders back up, reminding his body that it doesn’t matter who’s around, Bruce can never relax. A quick lecture on his failure of his previous scan before he does another. A man in blue with an s on his chest, Oliver dressed in green, the Black Canary and how he missed the fact that both the Green Lantern and Black Canary were in the same room as him is a tragedy, another man with green skin which he’ll worry about later, a woman in what looks like a one-piece swimsuit and tall boots, and Zatanna. There also is a window which seem to lead out to space.

Alright, might be his weirdest day ever, but no matter how weird it won’t be his worst. Never the worst.

All his training is for naught, because it takes him until right that second to put all the pieces together. Oliver and Zatanna are older, and there are new fully fledged heroes using their mantels as though they were their own. However, he’s been given this information, which means they aren’t hiding it. It doesn’t matter if he knows it or not. It leaves two options and he doubts that Zatanna would mess with his head like that without giving him the option. Plus, he curls his hand into a fist, his body feels off. Which really just leaves the one thing.

“My mind and body have been reverted to what they were when I was 17.”

“Well,” Zatanna says after a pause had taken over the room, “that makes my job way easier.”

“How did you know you were even in the future? That seems like a stretch.” The man in blue says, almost like he’s joking. Bruce can’t tell if it’s at his expense or not.

“The position of the stars.”

“Wait, really?”

“No dumbass,Oli’s like 40 years older than he’s supposed to be.” The man blinks and what looks like a soft smile appears. He must’ve been joking with Bruce then. Maybe.

“40!”

This is when the woman in the swimsuit interupts, she’s the only one who seems focused on the problem at hand. She doesn’t seem surprised that he was able to recongize Oliver, only noting that he knows there is someone he can trust in the situation. Bruce has no reason to trust Oli, tells her as such and ignores the exaggerated hurt sound he makes.

“We need you to trust that we have your best interest at heart, and that any information we tell you is true and any we don’t tell you is for good reason. From experience, I know it takes many years fighting by your side in battle for that trust to be established.”

She’s right. He can’t afford to mess up any plans his future self has, and that means he has to trust that these people do know him.

He thinks for a moment and decides.

“Black Canary and the Green Lantern. I’ll listen to them.”

The room erupts into chaos.

[plural-culture-is]

what am i supposed to do if i don't really wanna be a system

my system's boring, for lack of a better word. no inner world and no hopes of ever having one; when someone's in front they're never a distinct person from whoever else is in front and when someone's not in front they basically don't exist and both scenarios are just fucking lonely; because of the aforementioned nobody actually likes each other, at most they just like the basic idea of each other; we barely switch, which means interacting with each other is even more annoying because external communication literally just isn't an option; also because of the aforementioned fusion is just not possible, let alone final fusion; no littles or exomemories or anything like that that don't sound exactly fun but are at least interesting; i could go on, just the most stale nothing-burger system one could imagine.

but i can't even just be similar to a singlet oh no no no, i have to be JUST plural enough so that it impacts my life too much for me to ignore it. not in any of the ways that plurality could ever be enjoyable or improve someone's life, just a bunch of identity confusion and derealisation. being a system never helps me with my mental health, especially since none of us have roles or anything. all our trauma and mental illness and adult responsibilities are just dumped on whoever's in front this month, and if i need a protector or caretaker then too bad so sad i have to make myself feel better on my own.

i'd probably be fine with all of that if it weren't for the fact everyone else has interesting systems where shit actually happens. saying "oh well all systems are different" doesn't really help because my concern isn't that i'm weird it's that i'm missing out. even if i was a singlet i'd still be able to make my own system if i really wanted to, but i already have a system and it already has clear-cut functions that i can't bullshit my way out of. i just got the worst possible outcome. it's absolutely miserable, what am i supposed to get out of this.

i just want something to make it better. a way to get rid of my system or advice on how to go forward or whatever i'm just sick of this stupid fucking system. none of us like it and none of us ever will.

Final fusion generally isn't something a system can achieve on their own, it's something that takes work with a therapist to guide you. If this is something you want, finding a therapist who will help you with that is your best option. Alternatively, there may be therapists who can help you with communication and making your system function the way you want if that's something you're struggling to do on your own, but there are also guides on those kinds of things if you don't have access to a therapist (like these guides on how to build a headspace, this guide on communication, and these switching guides)

[twinkle-art]

since you talked about sho's relationship with toichiro after the last comic, I'm curious about your takes on serizawa's relationship with him now (if you want to share)

ohhhhhhh boy do i ever have takes on what was going on there. for everyone's sake i'm just going to try to keep it to what my reading of the actual text is so. this is. that

the most surface-level observation that i think needs to be made here is that serizawa OBVIOUSLY adored him. he thought extremely highly of him and valued his words accordingly. 

i get why people tend to gloss over this part but. it’s incredibly overt and i think it does his character a disservice to ignore that he was both victimized by touichirou and complicit in a lot of what he did. he had his reservations and doubts about claw’s intentions from the beginning on account of Having A Moral Compass, so the number one thing that kept him in line was that touichirou had him completely wrapped around his finger. notably, it wasn’t through threat or overt coercion, but because he preyed on his desperation to feel seen and needed.

(a slightly more nuanced take on this facet of their dynamic is that while fear WAS a relevant component, i really, really don’t think serizawa was ever made to be scared of touichirou in the context of his capacity for violence prior to wd arc, and think that would’ve been counterintuitive to the particular way he went about manipulating him. he WAS, however, scared of returning to his life as a shut-in, and since he didn’t see any options for himself besides that and his dependency on him, it was in touichirou’s best interest to allow that fear to fester)

and.. at the risk of sounding like i’m playing devil’s advocate.. it makes COMPLETE sense to me that serizawa would feel this way. fifteen years is an incredibly long time to be isolated and have god knows how many people all resoundingly fail to help you. like. no shit he’s willing to ignore the sinister undertones of the only person who was able to save him from that fate, the first person who ever made him feel like he wasn’t alone. it’s easy for us as an external audience to go well, obviously that guy was the fucking worst, what redeeming qualities would serizawa even cling onto, but having that profound of a material effect on his life really can’t be understated imo. i think it’s completely natural and normal that on some level, he’d still feel a level of gratitude* to him for that, despite rationally knowing it wasn’t for his benefit. 

*idk how many of you are familiar with the fanbook blurb that states what i always assumed was the intended subtext more overtly. i actually translated the page it’s from myself, if you’re interested in that. i promise i’m not lying for fun on the internet i’m sure this information is available somewhere else by now

or to say all of that in much simpler terms: he loved this guy the way you’d love a meal that kept you from starving to death, even if it was poisoned

(fig. a– girl what the hell is this)

(as an aside: i don’t necessarily disagree with anyone who focuses on reading discomfort into serizawa’s interactions with him but… as i said before i simply don’t think that renders the constant stream of admiration for him irrelevant)

now, obviously this is muddied by the fact that these feelings were born of truly heinous manipulation, but it’s also just observably true that they spend nearly all their shared screentime with serizawa fawning over him and hanging onto his every word. 

it’s because he felt this way that i think the role he adopted under his guidance stuck to the point where he took it with him when he left claw. like, he fully internalized this idea of being The Muscle as a perfectly normal way to express that he cares for, and feels an obligation to, certain people in his life. so while obviously it goes without saying that his relationship to spirits and such (or reigen specifically, if that’s what you’re in the mood for) is so much more fulfilling and respectful and real, you can still see that learned behavior present. i don’t think that’s a bad thing inherently, like, of course you want to protect people you care about, but i do find it……….interesting lol

but this has all been about how serizawa feels about touichirou, because obviously that’s way more important to him than the other way around. how touichirou feels about serizawa i think requires a lot more extrapolation and personal interpretation of the themes he’s here to deliver. personally, my stance can be summarized with two statements: 

on some level, he took serizawa’s betrayal personally despite claiming to be above human connection, because this series is committed to the truth that no one actually is

telling serizawa to let him go and learn his lesson because he never cared about him anyways, after all the violence/grevious child abuse/openly admitted exploitation/that whole mad king-esque breakdown still wasn’t enough to permanently sever his attachment, was the first and only kindness he ever showed him

(fig. b– the manga omission i’ll be saddest about forever rip spare battery scene you’ll always be famous)

(sorry i keep making asides. but referring to the umbrella that he presented him with under the guise of it being a necessary tool as his weapon the second it’s turned on him is an incredible way to make him show his hand)

in conclusion mp100 is Oops All Parallels all the way down so you see echoes of these themes all over the place. it’s just that this is a strong contender for the most horribly mangled manifestation of a way someone can come to care for someone else in this entire story

[andiwriteordie]

party rule

have some og party vibes, immediately after s2 🫡

—

Okay, look.

Contrary to popular belief, Mike doesn’t enjoy fighting with people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he knows he’s got a reputation of being kind of a know-it-all (it’s not his fault he’s smart enough to be right all the time) and that people just expect him to get into arguments. But it’s not like Mike enjoys fighting with people—least of all with the Party.

The Party is full of his best friends, after all. Well… his best friends and Max. Or… his best friends, Max, and his sort of, basically, unofficial girlfriend. Look, the logistics are just kind of complicated, alright? They’re all still getting worked out since the Party just got two brand new members. Either way though, Mike doesn’t really like fighting with the other Party members, except for maybe Max, who makes it too easy to fight with.

But sometimes, fighting with another Party member is the only option here—especially when another Party member has broken the rule of law.

Multiple. Times.

The Party isn’t a dictatorship, and Dustin better be thanking God and Jesus and whatever other deities exist out there for that fact, because if it was up to Mike, he would’ve probably ended up kicking Dustin out of the Party for his shitty mistake.

…

(Okay, fine. That’s probably an exaggeration. Dustin’s still his best friend, and Mike doesn’t actually want to kick him out of the Party. Maybe just a little bit. But not actually.)

“I already apologized a hundred times, Mike!” Dustin shouts, for the umpteenth time this afternoon. He throws his hands in the air, an exasperated look on his face. “Will accepted my apology, and Lucas did too! We all shook hands already! Jesus, why are you still being stubborn?” 

“Why am I being stubborn?” Mike exclaims, just as frustrated. Behind him, Will—or maybe Lucas, though it’s probably Will—sighs, sounding more tired than ever before. “Because you were stupid, Dustin! You kept a freaking demogorgon as a pet!”

“I didn’t know he was a demogorgon!” Dustin cries. It’s the same excuse he’s been using for the last hour now. “And I’d like to remind you that Dart saved our lives!” 

Mike fights the urge to roll his eyes. Again. Yeah, there is that detail, and Dustin’s technically correct. But quite frankly, Mike doesn’t care. As far as he’s concerned, Dustin broke the rule of law. He kept a stupid baby demogorgon which could have eaten all of them for dinner, he lied to the entire Party about it, and worst of all, he didn’t listen to Will.

For fuck’s sake, if anybody knows about the Upside Down, it’s Will. As soon as Will had alerted Mike to the fact that Dustin’s stupid pet was actually a creature from the Upside Down, Mike had shifted from “Curiosity Voyage” mode to “kill that motherfucker” mode. The fact that Dustin still kept Dart and hid him from the rest of the Party—all while Will was suffering under the fucking Mind Flayer’s control?

Jesus. Maybe Mike does want to kick Dustin out of the Party.

“Mike, it’s okay,” Will reassures, also for the umpteenth time this afternoon. He’s always been the peacekeeper of the Party, and yeah, Mike loves his best friend for that! But also, sometimes, an argument is necessary to actually figure shit out and to knock some sense into each other. 

So… ignoring Will it is.

“It’s okay,” Mike says with a scowl, and he crosses his arms over his chest, looking around his basement at his best friends. “And before any of you say that I should ‘just move on’ or ‘drop it’, I just want you to know that I don’t want to hear it.”

“Yeah, that much was a given,” Lucas says dryly. “Come on, man. Dart’s dead anyways. The gate’s closed. The Mind Flayer can’t come back. What does it matter anyways?”

At the mention of the Mind Flayer, Will flinches, but he doesn’t say anything else. There’s an uncomfortable look on his face, and oh, that just reignites the fire of frustration inside Mike’s heart. It’s barely been a week now since Will’s possession, so he’s clearly still trying to figure out how to get back to normal. Plus, on top of all that, they just passed the one year anniversary of his kidnapping, so… Will’s just having a really shitty couple of weeks. 

All the more reason for Mike to totally be justified in his anger at Dustin.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Dustin grumbles, shooting Mike a glare. “Mike’s just being an asshole.”

The fire in Mike’s chest grows, and he glares back at his best friend. “You don’t know that,” he snaps defensively.

And then all Mike’s fears come spilling out—reckless, but raw and honest.

 “None of us know that,” Mike adds, as the other Party members go quiet. “We thought things were over when El killed the demogorgon last year, and we got Will back. But then the demodogs and the Mind Flayer came around. We don’t know if it’s over.”

The look of panic forms on Will’s face, and he turns about three shades paler. Mike can’t help but wince. Quickly, he backtracks, “I mean… El closed the gate, so it should be over. It should. I’m not trying to say anything’s gonna happen again.”

“But what I am trying to say,” Mike adds, looking at Dustin now instead of Will, “is that we’ve gotta trust each other—especially with shit like this. Will told all of us Dart was dangerous, and you still didn’t listen to him, Dustin! And I think that’s really fucked up, okay? That’s why I’m mad! That’s why this sucks so much! Because you didn’t trust a fellow Party member, and you put the rest of the Party in danger because of it!”

Puberty, also known as Mike’s worst enemy, strikes again, and Mike’s voice cracks on those last few words. That’s the only reason. 

(It’s definitely not because the thought of losing his best friends to any of these awful creatures of the Upside Down makes bile rise in the back of Mike’s throat and hot tears burn his eyes.)

To his credit, Dustin seems genuinely guilty now, and it helps some of Mike’s anger dissipate. Okay, maybe he can tone it down and listen to Will’s advice now. No sense in being a dick about all of this anymore.

“Look,” Mike says, softer and a bit gentler now, “maybe none of this will ever matter again. If we’re lucky, then all of this is finally over, and we can just… forget about all of it. But if not, then we have to trust each other—and Eleven and Max too. We’re all the Party now, so no more secrets and no more hiding shitty things from each other.”

“And—” Mike narrows his eyes, looking back and forth between Dustin and Lucas now. “If there’s anyone who knows the Upside Down, it’s Will. So if this ever comes up again, then we listen to Will. Got it?”

All three of them go quiet. Will shifts in his seat, clearly a little uncomfortable with the topic of discussion, but when he meets Mike’s eyes, Mike knows Will gets it too. After all, Mike had been the first one Will chose to confide in when the Upside Down reared its ugly head again. Mike trusts Will with everything in him, and Will knows that.

Now, they just have to make sure that the others are on the same page.

“Okay,” Dustin says, quieter now. He glances over at Will—apologetic and guilty. “I… I am sorry, Will. I should’ve listened to you, and I just… I don’t know. I screwed up. And I’m sorry.”

A tiny smile forms on Will’s face, and he shakes his head. “It’s okay,” Will promises, and Mike knows he means it. “I get it. You and Dart had a bond.”

“Leave it to Dustin to bond with an interdimensional monster,” Lucas mumbles. “And over nougat of all things.”

To Mike’s relief, both Will and Dustin crack a grin at that, and Mike can’t help but smile either. The tension in the room begins to bleed away, and Mike feels just a little better now that he’s gotten that off his chest.

“I’ve got an idea,” Mike suggests, looking around at the others. “I say… we make a new Party rule.”

Curious expressions form on his best friends’ faces. “What rule?” Will asks curiously.

“If,” Mike says, making sure to emphasize that word, “the Upside Down ever comes back, we listen to Will. No questions asked, okay? We trust Will’s expertise on this. If we’re lucky, we’ll never have to use this rule. But if we’re not… I think we should make that a Party rule. Will knows the Upside Down the best, so we listen to him.”

Once again, Will winces, but judging by the look on his face, he understands the gravity of the situation. Beside him, Lucas nods. “I second that,” he agrees.

“I vote yes,” Dustin adds.

“Technically, the girls aren’t here to vote,” Will points out, and oh shit, yeah. The Party’s not just the four of them anymore, so they should probably get the girls’ input too. Though, technically, they have the votes to pass the new rule with just the four of them.

Oh well. Just to be fair, they’ll make sure the girls get to vote too.

“We can tell them about it later,” Mike decides. “I’m seeing El tomorrow, and Lucas, you can ask Max her vote. But I think they’ll vote yes too, so… I think we have a new Party rule. When it comes to the Upside Down, always trust Will.”

Lucas claps Will on his back, a grin on his face, and Dustin gives Will two thumbs up and a grin of his own. To his credit, Will manages his own strained smile, and he glances over, meeting Mike’s eyes.

“Let’s just… hope we never have to use it,” Will says softly. “Let’s hope that gate never opens up again.”

There’s a look in his eyes—one that’s wary and nervous—and a familiar, unsettled feeling forms in Mike’s stomach. For a moment, he stares back at his best friend, engaged in a silent conversation for only the two of them.

We closed the gate. 

He can’t get back out.

He won’t hurt you again.

We won’t let him.

A tiny smile forms on Will’s face before he glances away. “So, now that you guys are done arguing,” Will says, clearly ready to change the subject, “can we please start this campaign?”

Mike can’t help but grin, and all three of his best friends sit up, looking at him in excitement. “Hell yes,” Mike exclaims. “Come on. I’ve got so much planned for us tonight!”

[shirogane-oushirou]

edit: i decided this would drive me nuts, but i still want to keep it in case there's something worth salvaging in the future. ignore all of this ^_^

for some reason i'm interested the idea of poke!ren beginning our friendship with that like... unintentional infantilization a lot of people do with disabled people when they're trying not to be actively ableist? not because i enjoy that LMAO ABSOLUTELY NOT -- and my pokesona is prideful as hell and would DESPISE it -- but i think it would make sense.

[cw casual ableism, infantilism of disabled ppl. also, disclaimer: i'm basing some of this loosely on my own health issues so it may not 100% apply to all disabled people. just want to keep that straight LMAO.]

most many doctors are SUPREMELY ableist, but doc!ren went into his field SPECIFICALLY to help disabled people and so focused on how best to treat each individual person according to their personalities and disabilities. sure, poke!ren's also technically both a clinical doc and researcher, but if doc!ren is like 80% clinical 20% research, poke!ren is like 10% clinical 90% research.

so poke!ren... doesn't have that knowledge. he does mostly field work and some lab work, with the rare "what do you think about this specific medical case?" appointment. he's the kind of person who hates the more vocal brands of ableism, but is consistently overbearing with his treatment of disabled people in a way that's inadvertently exhausting to deal with because "what happens if i tell him this is also ableist? will he have a fit? will he get angry or upset? will he decide disabled people are too picky if i'm not the Perfect Disabled Little Meow Meow?" so you just end up suffering through it.

therefore, he goes full "paper skin, glass bones," with me, very, "oh i can get that for you! no don't stand up, i can do that. can i cook something for you? no no no, i mean, i know you COULD, but wouldn't it be /easier/ for me to make it for you? you might hurt yourself!". 🙄

we have an evening outing in another city. it gets dark, we're not at the point where we're comfortable staying at his place together, he offers to maybe help me find a hotel, and i say "nope i've got this!" and fly away home on a Fucking Lugia.

and then he has to sit with that and realize some things.

like the fact that he has no idea who the fuck i am beyond surface level. after all, i've been carrying a legendary bird around in my back pocket and he didn't know until now, months after we first met.

like the fact that i can take care of SOME things by myself with the right "tools" or pkmn. i SOMETIMES need help, but i don't ALWAYS need help, and if i DO need help i have the option to tell him myself.

like the fact that he simply saw me as Disabled. as though i didn't have a life before or outside of Disability. i was simply the pitiable, lonely, disabled vn nerd he talks about games with.

and then he has to relearn Me from square one, and it makes our relationship so much stronger. we're able to work on our perfect balance together and build the trust that HE won't take things over for ME when I'M capable of something, and that I will let HIM know when i need HIM to do something I can't do. he has to trust that i'll let him be more doting on the days when i'm having flare-ups, but simultaneously has to respect when there are things i still want to do myself even on those worst days.

.........idk. this is a lot of words to say "god i want to be taken care of, but in a way where the other person sees me as an adult with a personality and decision-making ability and a life that's deeply AFFECTED by disability in many ways but isn't JUST disability." yk?

tbch, after writing it all out, this maaaay end up as canon..... OR it might remain a theoretical offshoot depending on how comfy i am when the Mental Movies (tm) of us finding that trust come together. poke!ren's supposed to be like. PURE escapism, so something like this honestly might hit too close to home to feel good fdhfghfg. like at least he'd end up learning that balance, which is nice... but everything leading up to it? 😬 Maybe A Bit Too Painful....

(damn. verbose king over here, wrote all of this TWICE just to say "i might throw it out" lKNMADKJFNKJDNF)

[tamarakkoarchive]

FE3H livetweet thread (3/3)

i refuse to believe they designed this class for anyone other than this fucker. absolute zero mention of anything slightly resembling japan but yeah sure here's felix acting like a weeb

~

me: yay we killed hubert and edelgard aside some students we never bothered giving a gift before! can we go to the sidestory now? 3H: *105 hours in* no

~

damn funny that even at this point cyril still throws this pissed ass face at byleth

~

the most cursed thing abt 3H is that it forces my brain to accept that the personas w calendar system were infinitely better designed than this lol

it dumbfounds me how limited the opportunities to grind and fix your weapons are like i tried my best to keep everyone at check and in the end i arrive at the decisive battle w my most important gear unable to use

like yeah whatever i can accept the stupid dating sim mechanics and i can ignore the game not giving any information whatsoever abt what shit my units are learning in the classes they're in but the shop system is so stupidly restricting and convoluted to use???

~

i hate so much the fact i have to keep switching windows all the time to buy and sell shit FOR EVERY DIFFERENT CHARACTER when in games severely older than this you could do everything in one screen

idk i rly can't believe this is the thing it ultimately fumes me the most in 3H lol there's barely any story and you do supports and quests mindlessly tapping in less than 2min but every fucking time you go to the market it takes hours trying to remember what your inventory has

~

catherine we saved this bitch TWO MISSIONS AGO

~

okay nvm rip

the "YOU GOT MICROWAVED AS A BABY *dies*" thing really likes to follow wherever i go

~

the time has arrived. sadly petra isn't available for boobleth so i ultimately decided to go w the one most fit for the route i went to i guess. gotta console the now motherless boy

~

FROM ALL THE /GAZILLION/ WAYS THEY COULD'VE WRITTEN THIS CONFESSION SCENE THEY WENT W ONE W THE WORST IMPLICATIONS RNDNGNS

~

byleth: rhea is gone and all but look i'm still here :) cyril: ah cool! i was rhea's house servant before so from now i'll be yours, since you're telling me i can't run away byleth:

~

they 100% did the same w dedue didn't they. i'm not even gonna bother checking bc i know they must have done it

~

i thought i wouldn't be into post timeskip bernie much but she ended up growing on me, still the same funny critter but tried her hardest to keep up and look presentable bc her school mean a lot to her... rest well my baby

~

okay nvm girl won't get to rest LMFAOOOOO

i wanted caspar to have a fitting girl that wasn't byleth and a few others could fit but i'm specially fond of bernie bc both of them are the funniest 3H characters to me... cheers to my funny rats fucking and making children

~

wait WAIT EXCUSE ME????????????????? PETRA????????????? MOTHERFUCKER WASN'T AN OPTION FOR ME BUT STILL GOES FOR DOROTHEA??????????

damn........ ngl mad respect for dorothea just silently snatching her from behind my back

~

so... that was it for the main story sorry to confirm but yeah i won't be playing other routes, i'll check the sidestory tho

~

~

thinking back and man they REALLY wanted to keep the masterxslave thing on top of already so much shit byleth has over cyril like girl just keep it at oneeshota, people are here for that!!!! intsys rolling their eyes at S supports for all genders but raceplay is added w gusto s2

~

when i see cyril being iliterate while tiring himself doing chores and being a soldier for rhea like i can't in full honesty not despise rhea like what did you do to him you brainwashing church dragon freak.... byleth's lesbian list selection is terrifyingly bleak

~

4 hrs into sidestory so far the party is fixed and only has returning characters idc for, i guess the underground dwellers setting is slightly more interesting but the exclusive cast is still made of ex-nobles and magical bloodlines so uh... yeah playing as dudeleth for a change

~

~

it sucks how edel was the only opposing force in this game bc everyone else just passively goes along w whatever rhea decides in the end even if they dislike it "don't worry you can contine living in the slums if you wish to ^^"

~

welp 125 hours was my limit here. i couldn't grow a glimpse of interest for the story since the very first few hours, you keep going expecting some type of big shift or at least a reward for investing in specific characters over others but it's as barebones as a gacha game

i was told awakening was like 30~40 hours long and cmon?? this is exactly the max a run of 3H should've been?? they stretched a dryass plot and for what... for the player to get dumped all info at the last minute like are we in a professor layton game

~

"what's the lesson here?" "no more calendar rpgs!" "anything else?" "FIRE EMBLEM IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED!"

~

me: i love how so far my complaint of FE and royal bloodlines had as a rebuttal only a single protagonist which is ike in theory. if ike disappoints me then it's over for the entire franchise

friend: I'm curious about what will you think. I heard he's the only non royal but there seem to be playable royalty characters so genuinely I wonder if they drop the ball like Echoes

me: i can't help but feel wary of ike being overhyped bc of how often i heard abt echoes and 3H being 'the better ones' and then turns out echoes is sexist and 3H is an absolutely insane white savior parade LOL next thing you're gonna tell me is that ike is an incel or eats children

friend: I feel the same lmao It would be a positive surprise but rn I'm convinced that FE as a whole just can't not mess up horribly when dealing with the most basic social issues. I'm just going for the wide array of fucked up blorbos and the stories are a moot point.

me: nobles having fucked up dynamics should be such a to-go for a series like this, i couldn't believe how irrelevant and generic the enemies you fight against in 3H are, even their hair color are bland like a background character in anime gjlkdfgl

friend: Yea, like even period dramas focused on royalty fumble the bag when they try to address plebs while keeping their protagonists undeniably good people. Just go with court drama. Omg that was extra disappointing because so many place and people full names and what for

~

tbh no wonder the FE x SMT crossover turned into FE x persona bc smt is anti-fire emblem to its core... smt exists specifically to shit on law so the moment it gives leverage to royalty it wouldn't be smt anymore

"but that's it! it's exactly for them being opposites that the crossover would be interesting!" you and i both know they would write a generic lukewarm message and just focus on nobles and demons being cool fighting side by side or whatever instead of dismantling oligarchy

~

Originally written from Feb 26 to Mar 22, 2024

[kokocunt]

characters: hanma shūji, female reader (ft. kisaki tetta)

contents: mild dubcon, manipulation, past csa, trauma dumping, age gap (20+ years), vaginal sex, hurt/comfort vibe, probably ooc hanma but i do not care. not proof read lol

wc: 7.2k

"will you be fine on your own tonight?"

you shouldn't have said yes.

but, no—you wanted to be all mature and collected like, "dad, i'm nineteen now; i'll be fine by myself," when you're already sobbing into a pillow not even an hour after he left. your nails tear at the skin of your breasts so hard blood is drawn, screaming as if anyone could hear you from the top floor penthouse. fuck, if it wasn't for your empty stomach, you're sure you would have thrown up twice by now, instead of dry heaving so hard that you choke on air. 

it's dramatic, it's grotesque; this is the worst it's been, but even then, it's just milder on other nights. 

will this ever change?

i mean, it's been years and you don't even remember what exactly happened that night, but for some god forsaken reason, it still lingers. it's in the scent of your room, in the phantom hands groping your body, in the position you lay in, in the thoughts of intimacy you fear, in the arms of your loved ones—it's everywhere, and you can't escape, no matter what you do. 

what can you even do? 

with your dad's line of work, therapy isn't exactly an option, but even then, how are you supposed to talk to someone about how disgusting you feel when you don't know exactly what happened? you've tried it already and it doesn't seem to work, albeit kisaki tetta isn't exactly the best person to go to for anything emotional, but if not with your dad, what friends do you even have to go to? you haven't been able to let people into your life after what happened.

that fact makes tonight so much harder.

even if your father is emotionally unavailable, him simply being in the house with you is enough to keep your worst thoughts at bay. he sleeps with a loaded gun by his bed, so the possibility of someone breaking in and doing those things to you again is gone. he can't fix what happened, but your dad still makes you feel safe; that's been enough for you in these past few years.

but tonight is the first night he isn't here with you—well, when he had business to attend to during the night, he would at least wait around for you to fall asleep first, but this is the first time he's abandoned you so early; it's scary. the thoughts you've been able to ignore with him around now rear their ugly heads, and it's so scary. thoughts telling you to tear all your skin off so you don't have to feel the hands touching you, thoughts telling you to mutilate your vagina so you don't have to worry about someone forcing themself inside you ever again, thoughts telling you to nose dive off the balcony so you don't have to think about any of this anymore; god, they're terrifying.

you need an escape from them—no, you just want an escape; what you actually need is someone, anyone to be here with you to make you feel safe for tonight because you know there is no escape. because, at the end of the day, the only thing even close to an escape you have is what little bit of security someone can provide you. at the end of the day, there's nothing you can do to prevent you from losing it all.

at the end of the day, things never change.

so, you call up the only other contact on your phone other than your dad's, and pray he isn't working tonight

—

the buzz of the intercom scares you, even though you've been sitting in wait for the past hour for it to ring; you press on the button and tell the man on the ground floor to come on up, voice shaky. i mean, you can't be blamed for being nervous, right? sure, you know him, but you've never actually spent time with him alone—besides the fact that he's way older than you and hanging out with him by yourself would be weird, he just doesn't seem to care all that much about you.

but, if that was the case, then why would he show up tonight? is it because your dad isn't here this time?

oh god. was he waiting to get you alone so he could rape you and not get in trouble with his boss? waiting for the perfect opportunity to threaten you into not saying a word about the way he's going to toy with your body? your bedrooms don't have security cameras, so he wouldn't get caught that way either.

oh no.

no. no. no. no. not again.

even if he got caught, he's been friends with your dad for so long; it would be so easy for him to find a way to convince him that having sex was your idea. i mean, you're the one who called him over in the first place.

this was a bad idea. this was a horrible idea.

should you grab a knife from the kitchen? no, that wouldn't work; he has so many years of experience on you, especially in fights. he'd just rip the knife out of your hands, and then bend you over the nearest surface, ignoring as you scream for him to stop. or he might just pull out a gun on you, if you try to attack him. he'll push the nozzle against your cranium and tell you to get on your knees, and then, while you're sobbing, you'll have to—

"hey, sorry i took so long," hanma yawns, as he walks through the doors of the elevator. his presence snaps you out of your paranoia immediately.

what were you even thinking? hanma wouldn't do something like that; he's always been nice to you whenever you saw him. just because he's a gang member, that doesn't automatically mean he doesn't care about anyone or that he only wants to hurt you—you're just letting your nerves get the better of you. hell, that's the reason you called him over tonight.

you need to calm down, especially evident when hanma asks, "you okay? you're shaking a bit there, kid."

breathe in for four, hold for seven, breathe out for eight, and then repeat.

deep breaths go in and out of your lungs for about a minute before you finally turn to face hanma, who leans over you with his arms folded utop the backrest of the couch. you didn't take him as the patient type, but you're more than grateful that he isn't forcing you to rush a reaction. "i'm… hanging in there," you answer him, forcing a smile. he rubs your shoulder in what seems like a poor attempt to comfort, before he hops over the couch to sit down next to you; his touch and closeness make you tense up, but you try to ignore it by talking to him. "u-um, thank you for coming over… you, uh, really didn't have to, b-but i appreciate it—like a lot."

he lets out a small laugh before rubbing your shoulder again—you really don't like it. "no problem, girlie; i mean, kisaki would probably off me if i didn't tend to his baby when she needed it," he comments, lifting his hand off you to grab the remote. another deep breath escapes your lungs the second his hand is off you, which grabs hanma's attention. you mumble an apology, but he only sets the remote back down and turns to face you. "but, y'know, i didn't just come over because of kisaki; you sounded pretty horrible over the phone—crying and stuff like that." hanma reaches for you again, but this time, he grabs your hand instead of your shoulder; it's better, but you still don't feel comfortable with him touching you exactly. "is there anything you want to talk about, sweetheart?" though, you're especially uncomfortable with the newfound nickname he has for you.

still though, you feel like you would have recognized any malicious intent he would have had by now, and you haven't; he genuinely just seems concerned for you. i mean, he didn't have to come over, nor did he have to ask about anything—you even told him on the phone that you didn't care if he just wanted to go to sleep the minute he got here, and that all you needed from him was to stay the night with you.

yet, here he is, offering you some place to vent. offering you something you haven't had a chance to really do.

offering something that you need.

maybe hanma is what you've wanted this whole time.

maybe he can make things change.

sure, it might be odd to pour out all your trauma onto your dad's friend of all people, but he's here. hanma is here and cares enough to listen, which is what you've needed. with no access to mental health care, no friends, and no way to explain this correctly to your dad, hanma is the first person you have the chance to talk to properly about this.

you may not be the closest with him, but you trust him enough. and above all else, you want something to finally change.

you need this.

"can… can i get personal with you, hanma? i-if you don't mind…" you mumble, heart beating out of your chest as you prepare yourself for this conversation.

his eyebrows raise in surprise, but then a lighthearted smirk follows it up soon after. "of course; whatever you need," he confirms, which relieves some of the weight on your chest. but, still, you're not comfortable enough to talk yet.

you swallow your breath before questioning, "would you mind if i lie down while i talk?" to which he laughs and tells you that you didn't need to ask, but you felt it appropriate, as you decided to rest your head on his lap. thankfully, he didn't seem to mind that, nor does he seem bothered by how you maneuver your hand around so that you're grabbing his hand back—it starts to become comforting when it's mutual, and even though this is all a bit intimate, laying on hanma's lap and holding his hand makes you feel like nothing bad is going to happen.

it feels safe; something that you didn't think you'd feel with another person ever again.

but as you try to find a place to start talking, fragmented memories push to the front of your mind, and they make you want to scream. they're all incomprehensible, blurry images, and yet you want to run away and hide. all you can make out of your memories are the pain you felt, the blurry image of someone on top of you, and how much you cried—god, you might actually vomit if you linger on this too long, but you need to push through it. you're the only one who can make this change.

but even if it's all up to you, you're not alone; you're reminded of this when hanma squeezes your hand to comfort you, your struggle with racking your memories together visible to him. you look up to him, where he gives you a smile, and it helps you calm back down. you squeeze his hand back, take in a deep breath, and then close your eyes.

he's not a therapist, he's not your dad; you don't need to give an accurate account of what happened for him to believe you. just say what you think happened as it comes to mind. 

don't think about it too much.

the deep breath you had just taken escapes through your nose before you start with, "i-i… think it happened when i was twelve…" you could've been thirteen too, though. did your birthday pass yet? you're not sure; all you remember is that you were in your first year of middle school. "dad had… some sort of party that night, i-i'm pretty sure…" you continue, but you think you might be making that part up. you know for sure that it happened at your house, but no clue about what was going on that day; though, it just makes sense that there were other people over, so a party will have to be the scene. "and… u-um… i was… i was in my bed…" that you remember the clearest; it's why you sleep on the couch most nights.

though, to hanma, it was clear you remembered that in particular because of the tears you didn't know were threatening to stream down your face. his thumb smooths over your knuckles to calm you down, as he tells you, "hey, i get what you're talking about now; you don't have to continue."

but you don't process his words—you can't; hanma's reassurance won't cut through the incomplete memories filling up your mind, even though you wish it would. "i-i just… i don't… i-i don't know w-who… how do i-i not know who d-did it…" you pry your hand away from hanma's so you can wrap your arms around your knees, curling yourself up into a fetal position; it's not as comforting as you wish it was—there never is comfort. "it-it… was… it hurt, s-so much… a-and… th-there was so much b-blood on my sheets the next morning, a-and i don't think i could even s-stand up either… b-but i—"

as your sobs start to make your rambling even harder to listen to, hanma sits you up to pull you into a hug, and while you want to peel all of your skin off at the feeling of another person touching you intimately, you grip onto him like a vice. his body pressed up against yours, encasing you—it does honestly make you feel sick, but you're too scared to let go at this point because, "d-dad didn't believe me, s-so i… i haven't told anyone else… a-and i've been s-s-so scared and alone…"

hanma seems to freeze for a second before pulling back, seemingly to say something, but you don't even consider that; you pull him back towards you hastily, face buried in his abdomen. "please! p-please don't go… i-i don't want to b-be… alone…" your panic quickly starts delving into desperation with each sob, leaving hanma left to pet your head like an animal to comfort you. "i-i just… i want it to stop… i want things t-to change… i'm so… s-so sick and tired of being sc-scared and… and mi-miserable over something i-i don't remember… i want it to s-stop… p-please make it stop…"  even though you know hanma can't do anything other than listen, you still beg with him incoherently until your tears start to dry up.

…which then leads to embarrassment once you come to your senses. 

and god, now that you can think a bit clearly, what have you been doing? convincing yourself that hanma could help you, trauma dumping onto your dad's friend, forcing him to comfort you, pleading with him to do something—who does that? you know it was a spur of the moment thing, but seriously, it's ridiculous. you feel ridiculous. i mean, you're supposed to be an adult for fucks sake, yet here you are, trying to make someone to take responsibilty over your unresolved problems like a child.

you'd probably break down again at the realization that you've never been able to actually mature since that day, if not for hanma's patient reassurance keeping you grounded—"are you feeling a bit better now after letting it all out, sweetheart?"

you nod your head and pull back from him, a shiver running up your spine when you're no longer touching; it's relieving, but at the same time, it leaves you feeling worse than before. though, you ignore it because, above all else, you really need to apologize to hanma. your hands come up to rub your eyes and wipe away all the snot and tears, while you tell the man, "i-i'm so, so sorry that you had to deal with that… i know you can't do anything, a-and i shouldn't have made you comfort me…" however, he dismisses your apology, telling you that you have nothing to be sorry for and that he would've already abandoned you if it was too much for him to handle. which does admittedly make you feel a bit better, if not a little surprised by his bluntness, but you still can't shake the awkwardness of the situation.

so, you mutter, "...um, w-well, thank you f-for putting up with me anyways…" after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. "y-you don't have to stay any longer, if you don't w-want to…" you offer him, even though you're really unsure if you can be left alone with your thoughts right now; though, you'd feel bad if you made him do anything else for you.

he's already done enough.

and yet—"well, i wouldn't feel too great leaving right after you had a breakdown"—he's still so generous to you.

but in all honesty, you feel… kind of weird, at this point.

i mean, of course you appreciate him being here, but you don't know what he's getting out of this; you're not sure why he would practically babysit his boss' daughter without some kind of incentive. sure, it could be out of the kindness of his heart, but things feel off, now that you're no longer blinded by your meltdown.

and as if to validate this weird feeling you have, hanma drops on you, "by the way, now that you've calmed down, i actually think i know how to help you move past this trauma of yours a bit."

this revelation of his makes you tense up. yeah, you've wanted help for so long, but there's something in the calmness of his voice and the smile on his face that makes you think it isn't the help you want. hell, you're already gotten what you wanted: someone to listen to you.

then, it finally dawns upon you that it isn't that hanma has done enough; it's that you don't want him to do anymore.

yet—"i think you would benefit from having sex; y'know, where you actually have control this time"—he's still trying to help.

and now the source of your unease is viscerally clear.

you know what you just heard him say; the idea itself makes you want to vomit, but knowing that he's suggesting you have sex with him, is something completely different.

something worse.

but you don't want to come off rude, after what he's done for you. "u-um… i-i-i don't know about t-that…" you mumble, scooching away from him ever so slightly, only for hanma to grab your hand. you jump at the contact and debate running upstairs into your dad's room to hide, but instead, you try to calm down, telling hanma, "i-i know you… you, uh… m-mean well… but i don't think i'm, um… ready for t-that yet. i-i mean, this is the first time i-i've even talked to someone ab-about this! it would be weird to—"

"haven't you been waiting years for things to get better?" hanma interrupts, his words cutting through you like a knife and stabbing you in the heart of the issue. i mean, of course you want to get better, but what he's getting at is that you don't know how to get better because of how long you suffered for—and he would be right.

in retrospect, you imagined your recovery to be something instantaneous; you get this dwelling pain off your chest to someone, and then you'll miracuously get better. but here you are after telling someone what happened, knowing that if he left right now that you'd be at your worst. you know opening up about this was just the first step, and you know you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone of suffering to get better.

you know hanma's proposal is the only option on the table right now.

but you also know that you're not okay with this.

however, your hand still in his grasp, hanma stands and drags you up with him. "listen, i know this is all probably scary to you, but trust me, i only want to help," he starts, as he leads you to the stairs. your feet are moving on their own to follow him, but your heart is beating out of your chest; you were worried about him coming over just to violate you, and that's really about to happen isn't it? 

but as if he could read your thoughts, hanma reassures you, "i mean, i don't exactly want to sleep with someone under half my age, let alone my boss' daughter, either, but like i said, you'd benefit from having consensual sex." and even though you're still uncomfortable, his comment does relieve your initial fear—that this is something he wanted to do to you. and to cement that relief, he confirms with you, "and i'd prefer you have sex with someone you know and trust. you do trust me, right?"

that's all there is to it.

you really need to stop thinking the worst of a situation

"yes, i do…" you mumble an answer, noticing he had stopped in his ascent up the stairs to hear from you. hanma gives you a smile in response, before pausing once again once he reaches the top of the steps; he asks you which room you want to use. instinctively, you were going to say your dad's room, but that's… weird. and besides that, you have to face this—all of it. "um… m-my room is the one at the end of the hall…" you say while pointing at the door, to which hanma responds accordingly.

this is okay.

you'll be okay.

when you walk into your room, you feel fine. i mean, you spend most of your time here—you just have trouble sleeping in your bed; that's all the issue is, so it's great that you're going to get past that too, after…

after you're all tired out from…

"go ahead and get comfy," hanma tells you, to which you oblige as if you were on autopilot. you hesitantly lie down face up, as you try to relax yourself.

you don't remember the last time you've laid in your bed; realistically, it couldn't have been that long, right? but then again, all you really do is sit at your desk all day, so maybe it has been a while. hell, you remember laying on your floor more than your bed; so, maybe that's why the feeling of your comforter engulfing you in warmth is so foreign. and, now that you think about it, the softness of your pillows feels like something you forgotten as well—

the shifting of weight on the bed snaps you out of your head.

now's not the time to get distracted.

even though your skin is crawling at the sight of hanma sitting at the foot of your bed, you can't retreat into your own head; it would probably be worse for you anyway. 

i mean, it always starts with the little things—like your bed. but then, you start thinking about how you used to lay on your stomach when you were younger, and how you couldn't sleep without cuddling a pillow. then, there's a gap in your memories that always leads to you thinking about the pain you felt. the blood you bled. the tears you cried. the cum that was inside—

hanma's hands rest on top of your knees, and for the first time since you laid down, you're aware of your existence. you didn't even realize that you were sitting up, legs locked together, arms wrapped around yourself.

god, you need to stop thinking so much.

you need to focus.

but that's so hard of a task to do when—"do you want me to take off your clothes for you? it's up to you."—you don't want to be here right now.

you just need to remind yourself that this will help. this is for your betterment.

"i-i can do it myself, but um… do i have to t-take off all of it?" you ask confused, being that this is your first time doing this. much to your relief though, hanma assures you that you can do whatever you want; you call the shots tonight. which… does make you feel more confident in this, but—"well, y-you know, um… i don't really know what i'm doing, so-so, uh… maybe you… y-you should just…"

hanma lifts his hands off your knees and pushes you back down against the mattress as gently as possible, explaining to you, "just tell me to stop whenever you need." you're glad he understood what you were getting at, but the embarrassment of it all is the least of your concerns now that his hands are on your hips.

it takes all your willpower not to kick him as his thumbs finger the waistband of both your shorts and your underwear, but you still end up doing it; thankfully, it was more so just a shove than a full blown kick, and hanma seems fine with it, as he respectfully backs away in response. "l-like i said, i-i can do it… s-sorry, should have, um, been m-more clear…" you apologize, to which hanma only nods his head unfazed. thank god he's patient with you.

though, how much is his patience even helping? your hands tremble as they reach down to replace hanma's to nervously tug off your bottom wear, and it's still uncomfortable. the way hanma diligently watches you strip is uncomfortable. the cool air hitting your naked pussy is uncomfortable. telling hanma, "y-you can… uh… go ahead… i-i guess…" is uncomfortable.

no matter how good hanma is to you, you're still so uncomfortable.

and it doesn't help that he has to forcefully pry your legs apart to get access to your cunt, even though that's more so your fault. but once he does, you can only stare up at the ceiling and take deep, methodical breaths—don't freak out. if you can't get past the discomfort, then the least you can do right now is not panic, even though you already feel like screaming at just the touch of hanma fingers.

you cement your feet into your mattress and clench your jaw shut to the point it hurts, as he spreads your lips apart with his index and ring fingers. his middle runs up and down your folds, with you getting more nauseous every time he makes contact with your clit, but then he suddenly dips the whole finger inside of you without warning, causing you to let out an almost grotesque squeal; you immediately apologize, even though you didn't even do anything—even though you're actually kind of pissed that he did that.

it was his fault, and hanma knows that, especially telling by his laugh as he pulls his finger out of you. to your surprise, his finger is covered in slick; i guess being at war with your body for so many years has made you unaware of how it reacts because he didn't really do anything that turned you on. in fact, you are still pretty sick at just the idea of doing this, let alone actually going through with it.

or so you thought, until hanma's tongue lapped up all your juices left on his finger and what little that started sliding down his "sin" hand.

i mean, you always thought he was an attractive man, but him doing something so… erotic makes you feel so many emotions. another layer of nausea gets added on at the fact that he's so unfazed about tasting you, maybe even into it, but you're not any better—you can feel heat rising in your cheeks, and you can't even take your eyes off him, until he opens his mouth.

"sorry, sorry; i know i shouldn't be too playful with you," he apologizes, which makes you let out a deep breath you didn't know you were holding on. his apology relieves you of a bit of tension, and it results in a smile from hanma. "i just wanted to make sure you wouldn't freak out when i actually went down on you, and i mean—you didn't panic all that much when i shoved my fingers in you, so guess i'm in the clear," he explains, before he finds his place back in between your legs.

you don't understand his methods, nor do you really want to; he seems like he knows what he's doing, so you'll just go along with it. besides, you figured he has plenty of experience just by looking at him, so who are you to say anything to begin with? i mean, regardless of what his intentions were doing… all of that, hanma managed to pull your attention away from what's going on, and that helps you calm down for a bit. hell, you don't even react when his tongue glides up your slit

well, not immediately, at least.

your breath hitches when the tip of his tongue reaches your clit, and it all suddenly comes crashing back down. the vision of an attractive man between your legs was what was keeping your mind elsewhere, but an actual touch whiplashes you back into sobriety.

back into the reality of what's happening.

and the nausea settles back tenfold.

albeit, there's also a churning in your lower abdomen as he sucks on your clit which could very well be the brunt of how sick you suddenly feel, but regardless, you think you might actually vomit the more you stay in your head. just grappling with the fact that this is happening—that your dad's friend is going to fuck you—is hard enough, let alone actually being touched like this after so long of fearing it. it's just… too much to handle, especially when hanma's fingers find their way back inside of you.

you need to tell him to stop; he said he would if you did.

but when you open your mouth to say something, his long, slender fingers reach a sensitive spot inside you that you didn't even know existed, and all that comes out is a whiny moan. 

it's supposed to feel good, but the closer he pushes you to finishing, your body starts remembering how it felt the first time you came. 

when you were forced to.

when you were so young that it happened maybe weeks after you just started puberty.

when your body didn't know how to respond to what was happening.

your body still doesn't know how to responds

your legs are over hanma's shoulders, so you end up slamming your foot down onto his back to make him stop. you don't even realize you did that until he removes himself from you. he looks pissed with you, and you are too.

you're so pathetic.

but, as always, hanma reassures you, "alright, alright—i'm sorry. we can stop now, if that's what you want," even if his tone sounds a bit annoyed. he wipes his mouth and chin of your slick, before attempting to get up.

but you wrap your arms around him before he can get off the bed. "n-no…" you plead, and he looks back at you confused.

you're going to tough it out. you're going to change.

even if you're scared. even if your body won't like it. even if you think it's weird to do this with hanma. 

even if you don't want to.

"no, i-i'm sorry, hanma… i should've just said something…" you apologize, your voice sounding choked up as you fight off the urge to cry. he turns around to you and reaches to give you a hug, but you grab his hands and look him in the eyes. "l-look, i just… i-i don't think i can handle, um… too much… so, c-can we just, like… uh…" 

you're not really an adult; saying what you want outright embarrasses you, and you can't deal with anything sexual without feeling bashful. you're a nineteen year old child who needs an adult to walk you through this, and hanma knows that. "you wanna skip the foreplay, right?" he confirms with you, to which you shyly nod your head. he chuckles in response, "that's fine by me; i just wanted to make sure i didn't go in dry—it's your real first time, y'know?" before crawling over you to lay down on the bed.

you turn around to face him, confused as to why he's the one laying down, but he answers your question before you can even ask it. "listen, i know you said you wanted me to do all the work, but you don't tell me anything—and, to be honest, i don't wanna get kicked again," he explains with a bit of lingering annoyance in his tone, as he reaches for something in his pocket. you want to apologize for that again, but he interrupts you by tossing a condom onto your lap, then continuing, "so, instead, how about you be on top and go at your own pace, sweetheart?"

it's not a suggestion; he's already tugging his sweats down his thighs so he can pull out his dick, and you're suddenly way more nervous than you were before. i mean, you don't know what you were expecting, but he's big—way too big for you, at least.

you really didn't want this time to hurt too.

but before you have the chance to retreat back into your mind, hanma points at your hands, and you remember that you're holding a condom. "oh! u-um… uh…" why would he hand this to the inexperienced one here? "m-my hands… they're, uh, s-sweaty, so could you, like, d-do it?"

hanma rolls his eyes—you think it's in jest, or at least, you hope he isn't actually anymore annoyed—and snatches the condom out of your hands; he opens it and rolls it down onto his length faster than you can even prepare yourself for this. "it's your turn now, for real," he comments, carelessly tossing the opened wrapper somewhere into the darkness of your room.

despite what you had hoped, you can tell his patience is running thin—it's most noticeably in his deadpan expression. there's no sight of that reassuring smile he has been giving you all night when he orders you to do your part, and not to mention his mannerisms are slowly getting more aggressive. and as if to prove his growing impatience, he grabs your fidgeting hands and pulls you towards him, placing them flat onto his chest.

if you weren't reluctant before, then you sure as hell are now. maybe even scared a little.

but you said you were going to tough this out, didn't you?

so, you follow hanma's lead and toss one of your legs over him, balancing yourself on his chest; this results in a soft smile from him, and a weight feels like it's been lifted off your shoulders at the sight of it. your hesitation was annoying him, but he isn't actually mad, even adding a proud "attagirl" with his grin—guess that's one thing out of the way.

the real daunting issue at hand, however, presents itself as hanma helping position his tip at your entrance, where you're supposed to lower yourself down now. just the thought is making your heart race and a cold chill go up your spine, and it doesn't help that you can feel what you think is precum sticking onto your folds now mixed with the cool air; it all just feels… so uncomfortable. so wrong.

just a little more left, though. you're so close—you can't bail out now.

you take the deepest breath you can muster and screw your eyelids shut, before slowly lowering your hips, and for the first few centimeters, you had thought you were overthinking things—but then, just one centimeter deeper, you felt a certain sting you had forgotten.

and with it, you heard a little girl cry.

your heart stops for a moment, your eyes shoot open. you don't think you can breathe. the pain was only fleeting, the pain wasn't even an issue, but you feel like you're dying. 

no.

that little girl is the one who feels like she's dying right now—not you. her pain is never ending, and she always drags you into her suffering; it's why you've been in this hell for years.

every night, you're forced to hear her cry, and it makes you sick. baring that little girl's agony with her tears you apart; it's been ruining you

and right now is no different, except for the fact that you're trying to ignore her.

you grit your teeth and squint your eyes tight to the point you think you're going to hurt yourself, while forcing your hips down until the full length is inside of you. however, your efforts of drowning out the little girl's sobs are in vain because she starts to scream at the feeling of you getting stretched out. you only thought it was a bit uncomfortable, but she's making you feel so much worse.

and, "you're doing great, sweetheart," hanma isn't making anything better either. honestly, you forgot he was even here; you only took notice of him talking because his hands have found a place on your hips, and it's making her scream more. you don't even take the time to move them off, though—you just want to get through this.

but when you finally start to move, she starts begging you to stop, and you can only respond by bouncing your hips faster than you can handle.

it's awful.

you hate everything about this.

the crying, the discomfort of something inside you, the screaming, the thumping against your cervix, the pleading, the tightness building in your lower abdomen.

why did you agree to this?

a hand comes up to your face to wipe the tears that you didn't even realize were coming from your eyes. "hey, i told you we can stop whenever; you don't need to force yourself."

everytime hanma tries to reassure you that you don't have to do this, the guilt you feel for disappointing yourself  is unmatched. you keep telling yourself you're going to tough it out, but everytime, you start to crack when your mind wanders—and you hate it the most out of anything happening right now. 

you agreed to this because you wanted something, anything to change, and change isn't supposed to be easy.

change is supposed to hurt.

you slap hanma's hand away from your face, letting your tears flow freely, and start to grind your hips against him again, while the little girl wails 'stop' or 'it hurts' in your head. you really just can't ignore her, no matter how much you want to.

no, instead, you have to hurt her more—put her through so much pain that she dies. 

and so, you'll do just that; raising your hips, forcing them back down, while your face becomes disgusting with tears and snot. the gross sound of skin slapping against skin echoing through the room of your quiet penthouse, along with your moan-like sobs and the occasional grunt from under you, and an all too familiar pressure being pounded closer and closer until release.

it all makes her scream and beg louder, cry harder, with each passing second, until your body jolts—a shiver runs up your spine, your lips tremble. there's a white noise ringing in your ears, muting the little girl.

you feel like you've been engulfed in static. even though the hands that are on your hips continue to move you, riding out your orgasm, you don't feel much. you feel fuzzy, but you can't even tell if it feels good or not.

before you know it, you're laying back down on your bed. your pussy throbs, hole clenching around nothing, and your heart is beating so fast that it feels like it's going to stop any second. your sight is blurry with tears, but you don't know if you're still crying; though, your eyes still dart around aimlessly, catching a glimpse of a used condom being tied and then thrown somewhere.

there's weight shifting around your bed, you think someone's talking to you while it happens, but you can't hear them. a warm comforter is brought over you, and the weight now rests besides you.

your mind goes blank, the sight of the little girl completely lost.

—

you wake up more refreshed than usual, but there's an ache between your thighs and a pounding in your head, on top of feeling as gross as any other day. though, you're not plagued by discomfort while laying in your bed, so you shut your eyes again, ready to sleep away your headache; unfortunately, indistinguishable yelling from downstairs denies you of your rest. 

guess you should go see what the commotion is.

though, the first step out of your bed and you almost collapse. i mean, you're well aware that you had sex, but you don't exactly remember the last bits too well; once your younger self left, you did too. maybe you pushed yourself a little too hard, but if that meant being able to lay in your bed without having nightmares for at least one night, you were fine with it.

but nevertheless, you have to face the day too, to see if things have actually changed.

you drag yourself over to your dresser to put on clean underwear, before pulling your comforter off the bed. you wrap the warmth around yourself, and head out of your room, trying not to trip over yourself.

"you slept with my daughter." looking over the railing to the floor below, you see your dad holding up hanma against the wall with a gun. right… he's probably enraged about that, for good reason. "give me one fucking reason i shouldn't lodge a bullet into your skull, hanma shūji."

though, hanma looks relaxed, delighted even about a gun being pointed at him, as if this isn't a big deal at all. "well, kisaki, i don't think you want your daughter to witness a murder, right?" he answers, gesturing over to you upstairs. your dad looks up at you in shock, before hanma adds on, "i especially don't think she'd like to see the last guy she fucked shot right in front of her, yeah?"

your dad snaps back to hanma, ready to shoot him point blank for that comment, but he resists the urge because of you. he socks the man in his gut, before turning back to you. "sweetheart, please go back to your room," he asks through gritted teeth, tucking the gun into the holster under his arm. he's trying not to scare you, but you're still concerned about hanma. "i said, go back to your—"

"please don't be mad at hanma!" you plead, resulting in a surprised look from your father.

"yeah… exactly…" hanma mutters, holding his stomach where he was punched. "like i said, i was trying to help her out… you know, help her recover from what you did."

what?

you stare at hanma with bewilderment, and your dad looks at him just as confused… you think, at least.

hanma gives you an all too knowing look, before turning back to the man in front of him. "seriously, why are you mad at me? i mean, you're the one who raped your daughter in the first place."

you heart drops.

and when you hear the little girl, back from nowhere, cry 'dad, you're hurting me,' your body drops to the floor too.

you were right; there's no escape to all of this.

[golbrocklovely]

Prepare yourself I was in a stream on a react channel on YT today cos the guy was doing a discussion with his followers and the guy who revealed the leaked footage on his YT channel came into chat.

He said he was sent the footage a week ago by his source and he got the video up a week after receiving the footage. He said he was not doing it for clout but he was happy to take the money he was making from the video, he had hoped it would do well because of all the 'effort' he was putting into it. (A load of bollocks if you ask me, he's clearly doing it for clout) He also said it was definitely Sam who spoke the last bit (But it''s clearly Seth's voice and Seth's mouth moving)

And worst of all he said he's in the process of making a follow up video which should be out soon, so the drama is only going to continue and maybe even get worse and I'm already dreading it. What else could he possibly have got his grubby little hands on? Is Kristin coming out of the woodwork to make the drama worse? I'm so afraid and upset, why does this hater channel have to be targeting my favourites?

Sorry I know you said you did not want to talk about this anymore but I have nowhere else to go and I'm so upset, please say something comforting because right now all I see is a descent into fandom hell and I don't want that.

so…. i'm gonna be honest with you, he's most likely just gonna make a follow up addressing what ppl said in the comments, thanking ppl, and *maybe* spilling more tea if he has any. the thing is, first off, this comment came up during the livestream.

this entire situation, to me, seems extremely fishy. first off, how did his source get this footage, bc clearly, if this source gave an actual shit about what happened to kristin, they would have released it after snc went there almost two years ago at this point. it's very obvious that the only reason this footage is leaked now is bc there is heat already on snc bc of the conjuring. secondly, unless his source is kristin, he doesn't know the real truth of what went down.

i'm not one to leak information from xplrclub. i've literally argued against fans that have done it. but i will FULL ON leak the video from the ross house, where kristin was smiling and laughing along with snc and seth, clearly AFTER she had told them about the footage and what she saw the previous night while they were there. after the police were called and everything, she still continued to be in their video and played along with them no questions asked.

so clearly, she let bygones be bygones fast.

they are on good terms with her. the texts, even according to SEG, line up with snc statement… but not his sources. he said that at the very end of his video, and then asked kristin to reach out for further comment.

i'm not being an asshole when i say this, but clearly someone is lying, and i'm gonna assume it's not the one that has direct contact with kristin aka snc.

this whole situation got blown out of proportion. while snc and seth definitely fucked up by breaking the boo buddy and seth saying that inappropriate comment, this was dealt with last year. it is only getting brought up to smear snc's name. and this dude is just enjoying the fact that in a day or so he gained like 2k subs.

ignoring him is the best option. unless he has proof of snc doing something morally wrong, idc what he has to say. and i suggest that's what you do too.

[wazzappp]

Ghost rider RE7 AU

@baselicoc​ HEY HI HELLO IM SOOOOO GLAD YOU SAID THAT YOU OPENED THE FLOODGATES SO YOUR GETTING @ed​ I HOPE THATS ALRIGHT

*zip ties you to a chair and tapes your eyes open*

Aight this is more a collection of headcannons than an actual plot but I might get that out someday if yall are interested. For now just take some of my disjointed ramblings. 

For the sake of clarity, Robbie is Ethan, and Gabe is Mia.

Robbies powers are a mix between Ethan and Evelines. He has a rapid healing factor, can talk to/control the mold, and shapeshift to a certain degree. From how he behaves in his comics I think he would respond in stages. 1. Ignore it as long a humanly possible, 2. Acknowledge it but refuse to use the more freaky powers (shapeshifting and mold manipulation) 3. Eventually start to use them but only in dire situations. He carries the same denial that Ethan does throughout the game. Robbie would absolutely ignore his newfound weirdness to a ridiculous degree, but even he would start asking questions after having his fucking hand stapled back on. The way I think he ignores this for so long is that he just latches onto what Jack Baker says during the trapdoor cutscene.

(also the fact that you fucking collect your leg as inventory kills me these game devs were on another level when making this shit)

“Use this, you can heal your leg. Come on, you can do it!” I think this gives Robbie the opportunity to latch onto the idea that the medical kits / goop juice (for all my fellow markiplier fans) / Chem fluid bottles are what allows him to keep going, not his weird mold infested biology. Given what he's seen at this house I think Robbie would resolve that if he were infected, he would need to die. Turning into a monster like the Bakers, a mindless drone like the molded, or god forbid becoming like Eveline is absolutely not an option (spoiler alert that's basically what happens).

Eventually he would realize it though. Maybe he accidentally cuts himself at the BSAA provided safe-house he and Gabe are staying at and it heals way too quickly, or he catches his eyes in the mirror reflecting in ways they absolutely shouldn't. I’m thinking he would start going to the worst possible outcomes and therefore the worst possible solutions but Gabe puts a stop to that very destructive line of thinking. Not just because Robbie still needs to be around to take care of him, but because he finds out that Gabe has been permanently affected by his time with the Bakers too. Yep, I'm incredibly predictable. I’m giving Gabe a variation of Rose’s powers. I'm thinking for the vaccine choice after Jack Baker's final boss fight ( Robbie ABSOLUTELY chooses Gabe over Zoe, there is no question about it) the vaccine just gets rid of Eveline's ability to control Gabe and not the mold infection itself.

How Gabe would feel about being infected is definitely an interesting question. Robbie probably hates the fact that he's infected but that's because he hates not feeling in control of himself or the situation he's in. For Gabe it's different. Robbie being in control of the mold feels entirely different from Eveline. Where Eveline would manipulate and force people into doing what she wants, Robbie is someone who he trusts and more than that almost seems to reject the hive mind that they are both tapped into. The mold isn't inherently evil. It just relies on guidance from whoever is controlling it, and I think Gabe would be able to understand that having experienced both Eveline leading and now Robbie. And with Robbie in the lead I think Gabe would transition from scared to woah cool pretty quickly. That and I think he would definitely enjoy exploring without the need for mobility aids. In this au Gabe had physical disabilities before encountering Eveline, but she forcibly shifted his physiology into something ideal for her ‘new best friend/ brother’. He retains his mental disabilities because removing them feels kinda gross to me.

Gabe would also have a healing factor, just not as aggressive as Robbies. When Robbie is injured the mold recognizes it and immediately does what it can to fix it; forming a protective layer over it like a weird automatic scab. This rapid healing does result in scar tissue though, and holy shit are there a lot of scars. I was rewatching Mark’s RE7 lets play and in the words of Phil Swift THAT’S A LOTTA DAMAGE. Anyway, this is fine for cuts or puncture wounds, but if he breaks a bone or dislocates a joint for example, this healing can look like a marionette being yanked around as bones are aggressively pulled back into place. It is violent healing and I imagine it would be extremely unsettling to observe.

Gabe’s is more gradual and subtle. Cuts that would heal over the span of a week heal over a few days. And because this healing is more gentle he doesn't tend to scar as easily from damage. But his main powers would focus on communicating with the mold itself as well as creating the mold flowers that we see in the ‘shadows of rose’ DLC. Those flowers are used to generate walls of mold that I think he could use to defend himself. It's like giving the mold a new starting point to grow from. He can't command it without question like Robbie can, but he does talk to them and sometimes they decide to listen. Mostly he talks to them like they’re his friends. Which is only vaguely concerning when a BSAA rep comes around the house to check on them and finds Gabe mumbling into a corner. The rep asks what he's doing and Gabe just looks at him and smiles “I’m talking to my friends in the walls!”

Speaking of which I think that Robbie would subconsciously start growing mold in the walls and around the backyard of their BSAA provided safehouse. It watches everything, and it reports back (yes I am including hive mind elements into this did you really expect better from me) following his orders as a ‘new Eveline’ (which he absolutely HATES). As a side note, it's definitely conflicting to ask myself what it would take for Robbie to kill a 10 year old girl, but mind controlling his little brother into stabbing him repeatedly and cutting his hand off with a chainsaw, while also killing and turning 100+ people into mind controlled mold monsters would probably get him close.

Robbie’s overprotective nature graduates into borderline possessiveness here. It's primarily because of the mold's influence but also holy fucking trauma batman because he thought his little brother straight up died and went through a hell on earth trying to save him (im figuring gabe goes missing for a couple weeks before robbie finds him in the Bakers House. I know in the original game it's three years but frankly I don't know how Robbie would do with that so three weeks it is). The mold is an entity in and of itself here. Outside of the Megamycite, this is an independent colony that was nearly wiped out by the person it is now attached to. Protecting Robbie and Gabe is its prime directive as a point of survival,  and that desire being pumped into the already paranoid and jaded teenager has palpable effects.

But essentially the reasoning I’m putting out here from Robbies pov is ‘Fuck that should not have healed instantly without that weird medical stuff I am infected maybe I should turn myself in’ to ‘Wait wait fuck Gabe is ALSO infected but he seems.. Fine? Maybe because Eveline isn’t present anymore the mold isn't affecting either of us as aggressively?” ending with ‘Gabe seems fine, so I’m probably fine. If were both infected the same way than we should both be good. Right?’

Unfortunately of course they are NOT infected in the same way. Like I said Gabes abilities were supposed to be a ‘gift’ from Eveline. She wanted someone who she could run around and play with. But Robbie straight up DIED. We know from RE8 that he got deaded on after getting curbstomped by one mind controlled Jack Baker (following the dismemberment of course jesus Ethan had a fucking inhuman pain tolerance even before getting infected) and by the end of the game itself his entire body is composed of mold. Gabe is infected, Robbie is made of infection. 

Okay this is getting really fuckass long so I’m gonna continue in a second post. Also I just. Dont know? Where to put Eli in this? I have some plans for Lisa but the stinky bastard man eludes me.

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue - CH. 12 "The Visit"

Summary: A dinner turns sour. Two visits rock Lee's world. One is shattering.

*Warnings* Angst, language, alcohol use, death

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Chapter characters: Lee, Josie, Orlando, Marie

Salem, Massachusetts

February 22, 2023

It was 5:30 pm and Dr. Bloom was getting dressed for his dinner date with you. He must have tried on twenty different blazers as none were appeasing to him. He debated on just wearing his light blue dress shirt with a tie, but his nerves were on overload and the tie felt like a boa constrictor was wrapped around his neck. Ripping that off, he finally settled on a casual navy plaid jacket to match his slacks and checked himself over in the mirror with a satisfied smile upon his face.

Just as he grabbed his keys to leave, his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a not so happy text from Lee.

"So. I hear you have ANOTHER date tonight with Jo. You know, the girl you knew I have deep feelings for? You couldn't wait to move in on her after her and I had some issues. In fact, you wanted her to yourself all along since you failed to tell me she had asked to see me before she left the hospital. You told her you would tell me when you saw me...and you did see me, multiple fucking times. Yeah, I know all about that now and so does she. I don't buy it for one minute that it slipped your mind either. All this time you knew what she meant to me, means to me and this is what you do. Those photos weren't so far fetched after all were they? Good luck man, I wish you both the best."

"Fuck," Orlando whispered and immediately called Lee to explain, but on the first ring, it went straight to voicemail so he knew Lee ignored the call.

Now he was worried about what you were thinking. You hadn't contacted him about it or canceled tonight's dinner plans, so he wasn't sure what to do now. Should he call you first or just show up, he thought as he pondered over those two options for a good five minutes. He decided to just face the music and go. The worst that could happen would be you decking him into next week like he witnessed you do to Lee....and that thought made him cringe something awful.

Orlando fretted all the way to your place about what he was going to say and chose to wait and see what you said....or did as he prepared himself for a possible slug to the jaw.

He pulled into the driveway at 5:55 pm and sat for a few moments, trying to breathe and find the courage to get out. To be safe, he had brought the tie with him and quickly put it back on because he didn't know how you would be dressed or where you would want to go. He wanted to look his best for you even if it meant losing air.

He rang the doorbell and you opened it quite quickly. To his surprise, you then lunged forward and threw your arms around him.

"Josie...are you alright?" he asked in concern as he held you in shock over the unexpected embrace. He was quite relieved that his jaw had been spared.

"I'm fine....just ready to get the hell out of here. So, where to?" you asked as you released him. His chocolate orbs gave you a respectful one over.

"Well...can I first say that you look incredibly beautiful?"

"Thank you." you self-consciously said as you stood there in a boring blue sweater, black leggings and knee high leather boots.

"So do you."

Realizing that you just referred to him as beautiful also, you sheepishly laughed. "I mean... you look really handsome."

Orlando chuckled. "Well thank you. So where would you like to go?"

"How about that clam chowder at my family's pub that you said you would come try?" you asked with a shy grin.

"Ahhh that's right. Alright...then clam chowder it is." Orlando accordingly smiled as he recalled his last words to you in your hospital room of telling you he would maybe come try it sometime.

You were quiet for the entire ride as every brain cell in your head danced around Lee's beautiful face. He was definitely one you would refer to as beautiful as a first choice description without feeling awkward about it. You should have been with him tonight, eating your favorite food, pizza, and watching movies, cuddled up against him on his couch. Instead, here you were with his best friend in which you knew you should have canceled like you told Lee you wanted to do. But Lee pretty much kicked you out, telling you to go be with Orlando...at least that's how Lee made you feel. This was all so wrong. This is not where you wanted to be or were supposed to be....and your heart knew it as it screamed in aching desire for the one man you knew you had fallen crazy in love with. And for a moment, like Lee said that's all you both ever had...you thought he had felt the same way about you.

Orlando and you arrived at the Brady pub and sat at a table since all of the booths were full. It was a Wednesday night during happy hour and fish and chips were the special which always packed in the Irish crowd as well as any other seafood loving customers. Your parents had bought this place when you had first moved to the U.S. from Ireland in your early teens and it was named after your mother's side of the family. You had quite a few cousins that lived here and helped run the place besides you and tonight it was Marie March, your dad's brother's daughter. She was one of the few first cousins you actually liked and spent time with. Another one was Maxi, but you didn't see much of her anymore since her husband Nathan, another Salem police officer, was killed in the line of duty a few years ago who was Britt's younger and other brother aside from Dave and one other you preferred to never speak of if at all possible. Dave, Britt and Nathan all shared the same mother, but Dave had a different father. Maxi had been like you, one shitty relationship after another until she met Nathan and it broke your heart that she had been dealt such a raw deal after she had finally found true love. You knew what it was like too, being in love with a cop and dreading that life altering call. But Maxi didn't get that call, instead she witnessed his death....and ever since then, she had become a recluse to life.

"Josephine, well this is a surprise. And who might this handsome fellow be?" Marie asked with a welcoming smile, although her eyes told you she was certainly curious about the guy at your side as she knew you had been single for close to a year now. She also knew why, after what Gerry did, among two others, Jeffrey and E.J., that you had been involved with which were no better than him.

"Hi Marie." Your eyes widened as you emphasized her name to tell her to not make a big deal out of this, in which she picked up on. "This is my friend, Dr. Bloom, whom I brought to try the clam chowder."

"Ahhh I see. Is that what you will be having...Doctor...Bloom?"

You heard it in her voice, the skepticism that he was something more than a friend.

"Please, call me Orlando and yes, I would like to try this so called super soup....and a bud light on tap if you have that please."

Marie chuckled and wrote down his order.

"Yes, we do...Orlando...and you Josie?"

Your eyes searched the menu as if you didn't know every single item on it. In that moment, you wondered what Lee's favorite foods were and what he would choose off of this menu that held a little bit of everything from straight up greasy fried goodness to prime rib. You pegged him to be a classic burger and fries kind of guy but you would never know now would you?

"Come on Josie, this is thirty minutes of my life I will never get back. Just have what you always have. Chips." Marie jokingly begged.

You sarcastically sighed and handed her the menu. "Fine. Chips and a double of Jameson on the rocks."

"Ok. That's a bud light on tap, a bowl of chowder, an order of chips and a double shot of I'll regret this in the morning, coming right up.." she smirked and left.

"Well she's fun." Orlando laughed. "So...I take you out for dinner and all you order is french fries?" he asked with a playful smile.

"All you got was soup?" you giggled.

"Oh no, that's just an appetizer my dear lady. Going for the lasagna next and chocolate cake for dessert." he grinned.

"Jesus, where do you put it? I gained 5 pounds just by ordering those fries."

"It wouldn't matter how much you weigh. You're perfect."

You had no words and luckily didn't need any as Marie came back with the drinks, in which you took a mouthful of and swallowed it hard. It was clear Lee was right. Orlando was into you and you had been obliviously blinded to it because all your vision allowed was Lee.

Orlando noticed that he may have made you uncomfortable. "Josie...I'm sorry if I came on too strong.."

"Are you?" you bluntly asked as all your mixed feelings you were trying to flush about what Orlando did came gushing to the surface.

"Sorry?" he asked with surprise.

"Lee told me you had seen him the day I was released, and we both came to the conclusion that it was after I asked you to tell him I wanted to see him. ....and the times you saw him after that, you still never told him, but you told me you would whenever you saw him again." you briefly explained in detail as you looked right into his eyes. "Why?"

His eyes fell to his glass of beer as he fondled it for a moment, then he took a large swig.

"I'm sorry, I...I must have forgot. Things have just been hectic lately."

"And I had actually considered that, even defended that excuse to Lee, which didn't go over well at all. But the more I have thought about it up till right now...Orlando...you told me you didn't see him, that he had left already when you came back to my room. Why? Why did you lie to me? and why are you still lying to me?"

He became somewhat disgruntled, took another drink and firmly sat his glass down with a sardonic chuckle.

"So...I bring you to dinner and this is what our conversation is about? Lee?....but then again, it always is, isn't it? Why are you even here? Because he is upset over this? That I know, because he texted me tonight about it and then ignored my call afterwards. You know what he told me Josie? He told me good luck and wished us both the best. Why are you wasting your time with him? He clearly has issues and he is just going to drag you down with him. He's already been suspended from the hospital for his behaviors which may have caused medical negligence that resulted in a patient's death. So yes, to answer your question, I didn't tell him about you because I could tell you were into him, every woman always is and he don't need a relationship when his life is going to shit."

You were mind blown. First, you didn't know a thing about Lee's suspension as he never mentioned a word to you. Had he been embarrassed over it? Or just didn't tell you because of what all happened with Gerry? Second, Orlando's reaction was unexpected and cold....a side of him you had never seen.

He was right about two things. One, it was always about Lee and it always would be.....which you were now aching inside over what Orlando just revealed about Lee's patient. You couldn't even begin to imagine what Lee must be feeling with that kind of weight on his shoulders.....and two, you only went out with Orlando because you couldn't be with Lee.

You prayed for a sign. Should you just let Lee go and the moment, he simply called it, that you and he shared?

Two kids were arguing at the jukebox over which songs they wanted to play. One of the boys began vigorously pushing random buttons to make the other one mad. As the other boy ran off yelling for his mom, you couldn't make up what happened next even if you tried. The first time ever I saw your face began playing. You finished off your drink as you fought back the forming tears as your sign had been sent and received.

"So you just decided to make that decision for him...and for me. It's quite clear to me that you didn't do that for his benefit, but solely for your own. I want to go home. Please take me back."

You stood up and so did Orlando.

"Josie, please sit back down. Let's talk about this. I didn't mean to sound harsh."

"Then what did you mean?

"Because I don't think you give a damn about Lee's feelings or what he's going through. I thought you did before, until your true colors just shone bright like a diamond."

"No Josie, that's not true. We've been best friends since high school. If I didn't care, why did I even bother coming to tell you about the pictures your sister sent him?"

"Ummm, I don't know, to make yourself look good in my eyes?"

"So...what...you think I'm fake? Is that it? What about you? What did you come here for when you could have just canceled? Clearly you wanted to come...unless you're here out of pity or obligation...but then there's the hug when I arrived which felt a lot more than a friendly one. You were glad to see me....I mean...weren't you?"

"I was, yes. But you're making it into something that it's not and I am sorry if I have ever mislead you. I can give you honesty, something clearly can't. I came here tonight because Lee and I had an argument...and I never should have because it's what caused the entire fight to begin with. He said the same thing, that since I accepted your invitation, then I must have wanted to be with you. He wrote me a letter before all that which is why I went to him...if I had received that letter before you asked me, I would have declined. So...If it weren't for all that, I would be with him tonight...right where I wanted to be. You and I...there could never be a you and I...you're his best friend as you said. How awkward would that be for one? I would still see him from time to time and I couldn't deal with that...and two, I...I don't have romantic feelings for you Orlando. Only friendship...and even then, how can I trust what you say now?"

All he did was stare at you after your cold hard truths.

"Well then...I don't see how we could even remain friends if seeing Lee will bother you so much and since you cannot trust me. I will just stay away from you from now on."

You had hurt him and you never wanted to or meant to. You figured no more should be said.

"Ok." you simply agreed as you peered up at him in shock of his solution.

Amazed by your ease of agreement, he pulled out a 50 dollar bill and tossed it onto the table with a disbelieving half smile as he nodded.

"I guess that's it then. I'll take you home."

He waited for you to go and then he followed.

The entire drive back was pure silence as he never gave a single look at you either. You knew that because you slightly glanced at him a few times, feeling like shit for being so painfully upfront to him. You didn't think he was a bad person for he had always been nothing but good to you....and you surely would miss him.

Pulling into the driveway, he stopped and put the car in reverse as he sat with his foot on the brake waiting for you to get out. You opened the door and then turned back to him.

"Orlando I..."

"You should go." he flatly said as he still wouldn't look at you.

Your eyes welled up with tears as you sighed and got out, watching him drive off. You didn't want things to end this way and hoped it would not be permanent.

Orlando sat down to eat his usual tv dinner and poured himself a glass of wine. He went to take a bite of the potatoes but they were still frozen which turned off to eating entirely.

Dropping the fork, he knocked back his wine in three gulps and poured another glass, then just stared at it. His lips pursed as anger began to consume him.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!" he shouted and threw the glass, shattering it against the wall, then stood huffing as he watched the staining red liquid streak down the pure white panel.

He then went to his room and laid down where your picture still sat beside his bed, but this time, staring only at the ceiling.

February 23, 2023.

Lee was up bright and early working on the porch, cleaning up the mess from the window fulmination the day prior.

He hadn't slept a wink as thoughts of you being with Orlando monopolized his brain, imagining his supposable best friend's lips on yours...and much more. Then he thought of how terrible he was to you. You had told him you would cancel so you could stay with him and he had stupidly told you to go, and not in a very nice way. Your last words resonated loudly in his head...you're your own worst enemy. How right you were. He didn't know a good thing, even when it hit him right in the face...and his jaw still slightly ached to prove it. Every five minutes, he looked at his phone in hopes there would be a message from you and every five minutes he fought off the urge to message you first. It wasn't pride keeping him from doing so...it was a lot shame...and a little bit of residual anger.

The back door in the kitchen blew open and banged against the counter. Lee knew this sound from when Jacob used to come hauling ass inside from the back yard. He immediately went to see what happened as it was not a windy day.

After everything that he had already witnesses of supernatural events, this shouldn't have came as no surprise to him, but it did in ways that no words could express or explain.

Before him, in the doorway stood a sunlike glowing vision of what he could make out to be a woman with a little boy clinging to her....

It then became clear to him who they were. His mother and his son...Jacob. All he could do was gaze at the apparition with utter incredulity. The bright glow radiated over him with a soothing and peaceful feeling.

"M...Mom? Ja...Jacob??" Lee whimpered as tears burnt his disbelieving eyes.

His mother began to speak but he couldn't make out what she was saying. He tried desperately to read her lips and thought he may have deciphered one word...James. His father's name.

Lee reached down to touch Jacob, but lost his balance and fell to his hands and knees as they both vanished. He got up and went straight to the cupboard, pulling out a bottle of Jack and swigging down his first consumption of alcohol in two weeks, then turned back to stare at the empty doorway, trying to breathe. No one would ever believe this, for he couldn't even himself.....but he knew you would.

11:11 am.

Lee had blocked it all out of his mind and continued working on the house when he noticed the clock being at 11:11. It instantly reminded him of the texting conversation he had with you at that time and how you had gotten him to make a wish at the same time you did. He stopped what he was doing and gazed at the time, closing his eyes and wishing all over again for what he had wished for....you.

At exactly 11:22, you came walking through his wide open front door.

"Lee?"

The bewilderment of today's events had taken him aback by seeing your beautiful face after he had just wished for you only moments ago.

Immediately, you began babbling all of your feelings before he could even speak.

"I ended it with Orlando...I mean the friendship...and..I...I'm not gonna go there.....what gives you the right to tear up my life like this?? I just...what's between us...I need to know if it's real..."

"I...I just can't take another lie....do you care about me or not?" you continued as every fiber of your physical being trembled.

Your words caught him off guard and he walked down the steps to you.

"So, Orlando admitted to you that he lied, I gather...about telling you he didn't see me that day when he in fact did...like I told you....like you figured out as well..."

"Y..yes Lee. I ended the dinner before it ever began. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be here and I even told him that in not so many words and made him take me home. I..I don't want to talk about him anymore. You were right ok? Is that what you want to hear?"

You sat down on the banquette at the bottom of the stairs and watched Lee so intensely as he sat down on the steps and looked at you in a way that answered the questions you had just asked him.

"I...I just need to hear you say it...I need to know what you feel about me. I can't take feeling this way anymore, being unhappy every minute I am away from you."

He gulped at your words. "Jo...you deserve to be happy. And...even if I feel you deserve so much better than me....it's all I want...to be the one that makes you happy. I can't take this feeling anymore either. Missing you...picturing you with someone else....my god of course it's real...I care a bout you more than you could ever know. I'll never understand what I ever did to deserve you, when I feel that I don't....I couldn't help myself...not one, not one single woman has ever made me feel this way....How dare you be so perfect... "

He then got up and walked over to you.

You stood up and almost broke down at his exceeded confirmation to what you needed to desperately know.

"There is no better than you.....are you sure you're not just saying that because it's what...what I need to hear?"

"Why would I tell you something that wasn't true Jo? Something so meaningful?" he said as he came closer to you. So much so, that you could deeply breathe in his cologne. You felt so small and innocently intimidated by his towering form standing over you, wanting him to just pick you up and shelter you in his strong arms, the place you have never felt more safe in.

"I...I don't know...I have heard so many things, things that were only words. I'm...I'm so scared to believe you. That...you're real."

He gaped down into your eyes and stroked the back of his hand down your cheek. His touch ceased your ability to breathe as your eyes were fixed in his stare....and then his deep supple voice spoke in such a way that caused tremors inside your core that has so anxiously yearned for him.

"I...I think we are having another moment. Let my actions prove my how real it is." he softly whispered with a seductive smile.

"I...ok." you squeaked, also in a soft whisper.....begging for his lips to take yours.

As you both stood immobile, locked within the moment, Lee broke the barrier and began to lower his mouth to yours. His warm flowing breath mixed into yours, giving you back the air you had lost within his gaze. But again...the moment was shut down by his phone ringing.

Startling you, you stepped down from your tippy toes as he closed his eyes in frustration and let out a heavy sigh.

"Here...let me shut my phone off."

Lee pulled it out of his pocket and went to push the button until he saw who was calling. His eyes held fear and his hand visibly shook as he answered it. It was so quiet in the house that you could hear every word the woman said to him.

"Dr. Pace. It's Angel. I..I don't know how to tell you this...but...your father...he passed away this morning...."

@redeemer46

[sansloii]

@hhemeraa | send me a number

10. anons

Imma be real honest--i don't use anon much anymore. anything i send, i usually just... send as is. mostly because tumblr is weird and will eat things without explanation so it makes more sense to not use anon so i have the option of following up and be like "hey, i sent you an ask. did tumblr eat it?" if i need to. if you send it on anon... kinda defeats the purpose of anon if you have to ask about it ( thus revealing yourself ). i'm also of the belief that if i send something to you, i want you to know it was me :) it's probably very obvious anyway but still.

i don't mind getting anons though! sometimes, stuff has to be sent through anon ( such as asks from rp sideblogs and such ) so i keep it on for myself purely 'cause of that.

19. smut

when i started this blog waaay back in... 2016/2017 (it's one of those years) i was not at all confident in my ability to write it at all. it was one of those things where i was like "oh i can't write it well and it's gonna be on the dash and everyone will see it and judge me" or some shit like that. i didn't even write it on skype ( which i still had at the time ) or discord ( i think i had one in 2016 but barely used it ) and just kinda like... alluded to the fact that some spicy things had happen.

fast forward a couple years and meeting my lovely, lovely friends on this hellsite and now I don't care as much about the insecurities i had in the beginning because i realized we are all struggling with the same things. if it's not a generalized "what the fuck is anatomy?", it's "how many ways can i describe this body part that doesn't make me want to toss my laptop out a window" or "did i write that already? lemme go back and see if i did." or "i don't have enough adjectives in my vocabulary or mental brain power behind my eyes to intricately write muse a gave muse b a sloppy toppy."

we're all struggling. we're all trying to make our muses sexy. it's okay. we can struggle together!

i can totally understand if someone is not comfortable with writing it for a myriad of reasons and honestly, more power to you. do what makes you comfortable and i honestly don't care if someone does or doesn't write it. or chooses to just write it in dms with specific people. if that's more your speed, then fly down that highway.

29. blocking

as someone who is a former "blocking is mean. what if i hurt their feelings? i can just ignore it" type of person, i will tell you that the block button is your best friend. some of the weirdest/worst people i have ever met have come from this site and after being here for just under a decade and going from one blog to another and just... settling here? i have no patience for nonsense that really gets on my nerves. i am here to mow ass and eat hay and if you disturb that, you need to go

that isn't to say that i use it liberally or that my block list is a mile long, though. it's more that i know the block button is a tool the site provides for you in order not see anyone you don't want to see or don't want to have in your space. and so, i am going to use that tool when i see fit and so should you. i have people i don't like and don't want interacting with my posts. i'm sure someone somewhere doesn't like me and doesn't want me interacting with their posts. block button fixes all that.

i also use blacklists to reinforce this little wall i have up so me? I am a happy camper here. i have my bubble, my space, and i'm content with that.

the only time i can say where it really sucks is when... someone i'm actively talking to and thinking i'm getting along with blocks me. it hurts and i get a little sad about it... but again, they're well within their right to do that. whatever is going on in their head and caused that, however, is another complicated story that's between them and god unless they wanna talk about it.

[mitchfynde]

Here's the huge problem. I'm not a fucking pussy like you guys. I don't need someone to coddle me like a baby bitch to have my mind changed. What it takes to change my mind is a convincing argument attached to facts. The irony is you're basically admitting what I've been saying this whole time. This is about feelings.

You have not presented anything even approaching any kind of tangible fact. How are you going to bring light to truth? All you've presented are appeals to abstract ideas with no grounding to any of them. That's useless to me. Abstract ideas are not useless inherently, but we're talking about material reality and you are not grounding these ideas anywhere whatsoever.

Again, I don't want to force you to think any kind of way. I want you to contend with reality by your own choice. You claiming to deal with reality masterfully is a joke I shouldn't even respond to. No shit, irrational means meet irrational ends. That's been my entire complaint with your ideology. You have yet to make any real points about my ideology, because you haven't even bothered trying to figure out anything about my ideology. You decided immediately that the only thing I care about is censorship, when censorship is something I barely even think about.

I'm sad but not surprised to see you've totally ignored my argument about democrats vs republicans. It's not being a cucked out loser to depend on our institutions. That's how humanity functions the best. Now don't get me wrong, having fail-safes in place for when the institutions fail is a good idea! But pushing for a society that utilizes the institutions to their fullest is simply the most efficient possible option for mankind. It gives the maximum amount of freedom to the maximum amount of people.

I'm not lying to you. You just don't understand anything.

What makes you so certain that the system is not able to be maintained? Why must it collapse? You act as if these are self-evident facts. They're not whatsoever. Do you have any idea what that kind of global collapse would look like? Do you think it's a good thing?

The whole point of our current society is for society as a whole to collectively prepare for each other. Under your system, those who cannot contribute die. Is that good in your opinion? Because under my system, we try to keep innocent people alive and even thriving to the best of our ability.

Yes, of course some laws are irrational. But most are not. People will always go against law, because of various reasons. Why are the two connected? Spell it out and use sources. Don't reply with philosophy, reply with statistics. Otherwise, it's empty prose as pretty much absolutely everything you write is.

Yes I like the people I've encouraged and supported. I have no clue why you even asked that. Maybe you can clarify. You sort of tried to explain it in that response, but I have no idea what you were getting at. Why would I dislike people broken by misery? The people existing in the worst ways possible are not anyone I support unless you include prison as supporting them.

"It's a trick, blah blah blah", shut the fuck up. Put your money where your mouth is if you think I'm acting in bad faith and either block me or stop responding. This is exhausting.

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE THE MAIN AUTHORITY OVER YOUR OWN LIFE. It's nothing to do with authority in the first place! it's expertise! The search for knowledge and information! I'm not telling you to bend over and take the cock of some random scientist up your ass because he's a god king over you. I'm saying you should listen to experts and act accordingly. That's it!

I'm not even asking for perfection or anything anywhere near it. I just want some basic fucking effort.

It's not a worship of experts. The whole thing is that you're not an expert. In your case, most likely not at anything. Experts are merely people who are capable of finding information we are either not capable of finding or aren't even trying to find. And it's not as if you take them on their word, you wait for the whole system of experts to reach consensus. It is humanity at its greatest, working together to better ourselves as a collective.

Those in authority being wrong doesn't even automatically mean you die. That's absurd and often worst case scenario in the current day. Experts don't even typically recommend anything dangerous unless it's been vigorously tested and verified by others.

It's not about obedience. It's about trying to understand literally anything and do the right thing. The whole reason I "worship" experts, as you put it, is because I want us to all work together to do what is best for humanity as a whole.

Your idea of anti-human is pathetic. I'm mad at humanity for allowing the beginning of our downfall to be set in motion. You're too stupid to understand that means that I love humanity. I want us to live on this planet as long as we can. I want our history to continue, maybe even into the stars. I fucking love humanity so much... I just want us to STOP FUCKING STEPPING ON OUR OWN TOES FOR 2 GODDAMN SECONDS. Is that really anti-human? Tricks, I guess.