#as if a) I haven’t talked in depth about my own gender identity and how I’m not entirely aligned with ‘cis womanhood’ as a lesbian

[just-rogi]

I’m fucking venting here bc I’m angry and don’t have anyone to talk to and I’m not sure if this is political correct or right or whatever but I’m fucking pissed - I’m a public school teacher who works in the inner city and this year alone there have been two shootings in my neighborhood involving students not dying school hours- and one student who went missing due to gang ties (they were found ALIVE a DAYS later) -

I’m fucking TIRED I’m FREAKED OUT and I’m ANGRY because I have to go into work tomorrow and I have to have that conversation with the kids during our SEL block because they will have questions and bc they are in middle school some will not know how to process it and will joke while others will be genuinely upset

and I feel nauseous thinking about the fact that my mother and four of my closest friends are all going through the same fucking shit as teachers at different schools right now- and my roommate who is trans- and unrelated to his identity is also kinda an asshole- has been shitting on me all night about how I’m not I’m danger like he is and how I don’t know his pain (and while I’m not making excuses I’m an openly gay teacher who works directly with the lgbt students and activly educated my kids on trans rights AND I work for a nonprofit organization that directly works to protect trans and queer rights and JUST LAST WEEK put out a video for our organization on antitrans laws - I’m not saying I fucking get what it’s like to be trans but Jesus fuck I’m fighting the fight for trans youth more than you are working at Whole Foods) why the FUCK are you quantifying suffering, why the FUCK are you lashing out at ME of all people, and why the fuck are you telling a public school teacher in inner city Boston that I have no idea what it’s like to be afraid- motherfucker I’m angry I’m sorry but why the fuck are you monopolizing suffering why do you think you have the right to talk to me this fucking way. I get you are scared but you work in Whole Foods in Massachusetts- the bluest state there is- )

there is no fucking cap on grief- sorry I’m upset at this as well but you saying it doesn’t directly effect me is just so fucking ignorant and suffering shouldn’t be quantifiable mf we are on the same fucking side why are you infighting right now (and I know this isn’t relevant and this is entirely unrelated to him being trans but god he is so fucking sexist- saying shit like I have no idea what it’s like to have my bodily autonomy at risk as if roe v wade didn’t get overturned THIS year???) sometimes it pisses me off like fucking sorry I’m being over emotional and overreacting to a school shooting as a fucking public school teacher GOD I should be allowed to be angry too in my own goddamn apartment-

you don’t get to sit on your high horse and say you suffer more than me and that I’m not allowed to be afraid ok I’m done I’m gonna go in tomorrow and make sure to hug my one openly trans kid extra hard bc I know they are suffering just like I know my roomate is suffering and needs a place to express his anger- I get I’m an easy target bc I’m a safe person to lash out at and I’m not telling anyone how to grieve and I know a lot of this is just knee jerk reaction to violence and anger- I just wish he wasn’t expressing it at the one fucking person who doesn’t deserve it, like fuck, the one thing people always say about public school teachers is that we have it TOO easy, especially the night after a school shooting

*Also fuck terfs and fuck anyone who is using a tragedy as an excuse to hate trans people*

[that-ari-blogger]

The Boss Music Starts Playing, Part 1/2 (Mulan)

Mulan is my movie. Not the sequel or the reboot, the 1998 original. Mulan is my movie.

It is a story about identity, and as a non binary individual, this film shaped how I saw myself, and how I related to the world around me. It is also the direct cause of my obsession with cinematography. Mulan is my movie.

But I haven’t really mentioned it much on this blog before. This is the place where I rant about whatever piece of media takes my fancy, but Mulan has been conspicuously absent. I nearly devoted a series of my musical analysis to this film, for example, but didn’t for a reason I will get into.

However, on May 1st, four days before this post will go live, the folks over at Cinema Therapy uploaded a video titled Psychology of a Hero: Mulan. This was part of their series of breaking down characters from various films and TV shows to give their take from the perspectives of a licensed therapist and a professional filmmaker, and the video was better than good.

Now, I am neither a therapist or a filmmaker, but I do have opinions about the film, and I will not be outdone.

These boys stepped well and truly onto my turf, and I think it’s time to make my presence known.

Light the signal fires, we’re going to war.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (Mulan)

I think it’s important to start off with how different Mulan is from every other Disney Princess. Because she technically is one, and that draws unflattering comparisons. It doesn’t matter what you do, when you are compared with Mulan, you will fall short.

Mulan is a psychologically complex character in a way that not many other Disney Princesses can boast. Ariel comes close, but in a very different way (unless you squint), but the others, while nuanced, aren’t as focused on the internalisation as Mulan.

Case and point, the “I want” song. In the Princess and the Frog, Tiana wants to open her own restaurant. That’s an external conflict, and one with measurable success criteria. Similarly, Moana wants to explore the world, again, external. Belle wants adventure and for her life to be more like the books she reads. Also external.

Mulan wants to be happy with herself.

All of these characters get secondary goals over the course of their stories. Tiana wants to get back to being human, Moana wants to save her people, Belle wants to save her father, and Mulan also wants to save her father.

But hold on to Mulan’s stated mission here, because it gets funky, and I will talk about that later.

Reflection forms a neat bait and switch with Honour to us All, because the first song of the film sets up a core conflict, and then Reflections inverts that.

I have a deep love for mirrors as symbolism in films. I think they are the easiest and most effective visual metaphor out there, and I think there is merit to my opinion. But I am fully aware that I have a bias shaped very specifically by this film.

Honour To Us All is a jaunty little song about what it means to be a woman, and it’s a song about aesthetics.

“Wait and see

When we're through

Boys will gladly go to war for you

With good fortune

And a great hairdo

You'll bring honour to us all”

All Mulan has to do is look the part, and she will fit perfectly. Combine this with the visuals of a makeover that rivals every film Anne Hathaway has ever been in, and you could almost miss that everything I have just said about this song is a lie.

“We all must serve our Emperor

Who guards us from the Huns

A man by bearing arms

A girl by bearing sons”

This song does some serious thematic setup about the gender roles of the society it is depicting. It goes into depth about what a woman must be (calm, obedient, work fast paced, etc.), but there’s also the fact that all men have to be soldiers.

Throughout the song, however, Mulan demonstrates her core strength, ingenuity. Mulan is a tactician, able to outwit people in games of strategy, as well as cheat at homework and chores. She works smarter, not harder.

Enter the Matchmaker, played by Miriam Margolys, who makes my point for me.

“You are a disgrace! You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honour!”

It turns out aesthetics are secondary to behaviour. The matchmaker essentially tells Mulan that her image doesn’t match her identity, and that she isn’t very good at being a woman. Which, for as much of a terrible person as the character is, is a remarkably accurate observation.

“Look at me

I will never pass for a perfect bride

Or a perfect daughter

Can it be

I'm not meant to play this part?

Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself

I would break my family's heart”

There are two main readings of this song, both of which I agree with, and I don’t think are actually that separate.

There is a hall of mirrors effect going on in the family temple. But it is made up of stones that represent the ancestors. Everywhere Mulan looks, she sees people expecting her to be something she is not, people she has brought dishonour to because of who she is.

The first is that this is a person who doesn’t fit in and can’t fulfil societal expectations. This is someone who’s in doubt about their dreams and doesn’t want to tell her family about that. This is a story about society not accepting individuality.

The second reading is that this easily the single most overtly queer song ever written, with themes of gender non-conformation. Mulan is a trans icon for good reason, but she also works as a non-binary hero as well for similar reasons.

Mulan doesn’t pass as a perfect daughter or a bride, is it possible that she was never meant to be a daughter or a bride at all? A ton of trans folk describe their experience in an extremely similar way to this, they were born the wrong gender, and now they are the person they were always meant to be.

On the same note, the last two lines will strike a chord in the heart of any queer person, trans or not, because coming out to your parents is a really difficult thing to do. Even if you have understanding parents (which, unfortunately, isn’t as common as I would like it to be), it’s still expecting people to accept a pretty core part of your identity. It’s vulnerability, and Mulan’s fear of breaking her family’s heart isn’t fear of them, but of herself. Mulan is terrified that she will hurt them by being who she is.

“Who is that girl I see

Staring straight back at me?

Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Somehow I cannot hide

Who I am, though I've tried

When will my reflection show who I am inside?

When will my reflection show who I am inside?”

If you want a brief summary of what gender dysphoria feels like, I can’t speak for every trans or non-binary person (every experience is unique and equally valid), but at least to me, this song is pretty accurate.

On a personal note, I am non-binary, I undulate between they/them pronouns and he/they pronouns, but I am also fairly masculine presenting. This isn’t a part of myself that I find particularly fun. I like being able to sing bass, don’t get me wrong, but that pales in comparison to the fact that when I look in the mirror, it’s like I’m looking at someone else. I don’t associate my appearance with myself, which is frustratingly difficult to articulate, but more importantly, it has a rather large impact on my self-image.

My reflection doesn’t show who I am inside.

This song is why Mulan is a trans and non-binary icon. The plot itself doesn’t actually do much. It’s a story about someone following her own interests above the expectations of society, but this song reframes the entirety of the musical.

Make A Man Out Of You has some definite coding in it, but not in the way that people often associate. Yes, Mulan’s struggles to “be a man” are trans affirming, as they show someone gradually becoming more confident in her own skin.

But it’s the moment with the arrow that means the most to me.

“You're unsuited for the rage of war

So pack up, go home, you're through

How could I make a man out of you?”

This should be a victory. Mulan came to the army to protect her father, she doesn’t care about personal honour, so getting told she can leave with no questions asked should be an easy deal. Except once again, that’s not entirely accurate.

Mulan doesn’t start caring about personal honour, but she finds that drive in the army. So, the decision to complete the task on her own terms, because she wants to, is an important moment for her identity. Mulan is offered the chance to go back and be a daughter, or she can prove herself to be a man, and she chooses to stay.

However, I would argue that the non-binary reading comes in here, because Mulan doesn’t solve the problem in the way that is expected. She solves it in her own way. She succeeds in the life she chooses by playing by her own rules.

An understated element of this scene is the timescale it takes place in. Mulan is told to go home late at night, but its implied to be the evening. She then stays up all night to get the arrow.

The fact that its dawn for the shot in which she swings the two weights together implies that this isn't the first time she has done this, she has kept trying, and failing, but is powering through it to succeed.

Endurance is a key part of masculinity in this setting, at least according to the visuals of this song, and Mulan has just demonstrated that, while doing things her own way. She has utilised discipline and strength, and she has utilised her own ingenuity. Either she is just as much of a man as everyone else, she just comes at it from a different angle, or she is neither man nor woman, she is Mulan.

I think the moments in which the film goes out of its way to show Mulan’s separation from the men emphasise this reading.

“Just because I look like a man, doesn’t mean I have to smell like one.”

Notice how femininity isn’t mentioned here at all. Mulan is distancing herself from the idea of masculinity as presented in the story. To me, this comes across as someone who is neither a woman or a man, but something else, someone who falls out of the gender binary.

As a side note, the final chorus of Make a Man Out Of You plays really weirdly into the story’s idea of individuality and place, by showing the power of the cast of heroes through their synchronisation.

One of my favourite elements of the film is its visual identity, especially its character design. Because even the extras have all distinct styles and shapes, everyone in this world is unique. From the goober with the scam tattoo to the angy chef, everyone is their own person.

Even the silhouettes are different and distinct. I’ve seen arguments online as to the importance of silhouette in character design, and while I don’t think it’s essential, it’s a tool that can be used for scenes like the one in Reflection. There, the father and mother can be clearly read as each other, but their actions are also clearly identifiable as well, which helps to communicate their story through the barrier that Mulan is feeling.

This then relates to the army, and people’s strengths and weaknesses. The build up to this song does an incredible job of characterising the three stooges.

Yao is brave to a fault, with a hot temper and a defiant determination that lets him, within ten seconds, barely blink in response to an arrow being pointed at him, and then try to climb with his teeth.

Chien-Po is calm and quiet, and the team cleric, essentially. He has an ability to defuse almost any situation, including the anger of Yao, but that translates into meekness and a lack of confidence in himself.

Lee, meanwhile, is charismatic, but that has come at the cost of most other aspects of his life. He isn’t wise or strong, and his intelligence is dubious. But weirdly, he’s a natural born leader.

The montages in Make A Man Out Of You then show off their development. Yao goes from letting his emotions rule him in the flaming arrows task, to a confidence that replaces his arrogance; Chien-Po develops a faith in himself that lets him move through the balancing test with ease; and Lee leans to prioritise technique over brute force to complete the same task.

But then that final chorus comes in, and the backing music cuts out to become only the vocals singing in unison, and you realise what this song has been playing at the entire time. Individualism is great, but individuals need to bounce off of each other and balance out each other’s strengths and weaknesses. That’s something just as vital when singing a cappella as when fighting in an army.

The song is also a mirror to Honour To Us All and continues to hammer home its theme of gender and gender expression. Blokes have it a lot easier than the ladies in this culture, but that doesn’t mean they are free from expectations.

“Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within.

Heed my every order, and you are sure to win.”

Guys have to be strong and warlike; they have to be obedient; they have to be willing to die. But also, there is the idea of “boys don’t cry” here. A guy must appear stoic, like nothing in the world can alter him, but he should be burning with rage inside. Bottle up your emotions until they explode. That doesn’t exactly strike me as the healthiest of expectations for anyone.

Essentially, Make A Man Out Of You is storytelling through song, which is the core mechanic of musicals.

Speaking of which, I didn’t end up doing a series on Mulan because calling it a musical is a little bit inaccurate. Mulan is defying its form by abruptly and abrasively ceasing to be a musical at the fifty-minute mark. In a film that is an hour and twenty minutes long.

Mulan’s final song is A Girl Worth Fighting For, which is a great song, but is an abysmal finale song, and that is the point. The tone shift is meant to be a gut punch, and it is meant to change the trajectory of the story.

This may seem like an obvious statement for a discussion of a musical, but the sound design of this film is phenomenal. Although the key to this isn’t the key numbers, it’s the quiet things. The ambience at the camp, the fact that the cricket becomes a typewriter for a scene, the musical flourish that is Mulan stealing the armour and how that incorporates her lite motif, and it’s the fact that the sound design of this movie knows when to shut up.

One minute. The dialogue cuts off for one minute exactly, kinda. Not a lot of time, but it feels like an eternity.

The song abruptly shuts down and the audience is witnessed to complete and utter silence as they take in the devastation. Then the wind starts to blow as they progress further into the disaster before a musical sting emphasises the horror of the moment.

Although the order in which that happens is interesting. The song has been playing with a stable loop of keys to ground itself. Then that abruptly cuts off as it is gearing up to a bombastic finish, but the camera is looking at Mulan and the three stooges.

You get a fun moment, then you see the shock on their faces, then you see the devastation. The emotion could be anything, but that fraction of a second crystalises it into dread, rather than loss, and that's the emotion that the rest of the scene builds on.

The colour palette even shifts, matching the smoke and the fire, but also implying the crimson of blood.

“Search for survivors.”

Shang gives an order in an attempt to break the silence. It’s an attempt to break the mood both a diegetic and non-diegetic sense. Shang is trying to find a purpose against the bleakness and trying to create noise again, but then the atmosphere consumes him, and he is gone.

Another musical sting hits as Mulan finds the doll, and the personal tragedy of a child whose name cannot be known becomes excruciating.

Then we see the battlefield, and besides the obvious, there are a few things that should be stated.

One, this instantly stops Chi-Fu and Shang from bickering. There is a slight moment of trust that develops between them, as, for all his faults (and there are many of those), Chi-Fu instantly empathises with Shang’s emotions, and becomes a comforting force.

Two, the battle didn’t happen in the village, if it did, there would have been a sign of soldiers within its walls. The battle took place down the hill, there was no reason for the village to be destroyed. This is the first time we actually see the scope of the villainy of the Hun army.

Up until now, Shan Yu has just been intimidating. He orders the death of a messenger, but that’s just one guy, and this is a war story. That just sets him up as villain with an easy “kick the dog” moment, but it’s not grand scale.

Here, it becomes that. This is a display of power, in that the Hun army destroyed the imperial army, but its also a display of abject cruelty, and its a statement of personality.

Shan Yu isn't Disney's most compelling villain. He doesn't get much character to work with beyond "angry man with a dope sword". What he does get, however, is a quiet sense of humour, and this scene right here.

Once again, the battle didn’t take place here, Shan Yu made a choice to destroy a village and, presumably, kill some villagers while he was at it.

To misquote the true expert of evil.

“The difference between a villain and a supervillain is presentation.”

I had trouble posting this as a single thing, so here is a link to part 2: (Link)

[novoaa1writes]

heaven

pairing(s): dark!peggy carter x nb!reader

summary:

you and peggy carter have a professional relationship. 

she’s your boss, for christ’s sake. 

sure, she’s gorgeous. and funny. and intelligent. 

are you attracted to her? undeniably. 

but regardless, you’d never pursue her. you know better than most that getting into it with your boss never ends well. 

too bad peggy doesn’t seem to harbor the same reservations. 

contains: non-con / dub-con smut

[ inspired by “positively owned” by @imanuglywombat​ ]

word count: ~1,000

rating: explicit (18+)

warnings: non-con, dub-con, rope bondage, dark!peggy, pet names, dirty talk

notes: reader is non-binary (they/them pronouns), though their gender identity is a fairly minor part of this drabble-ish thing. and, as always, reader is written to be poc / racially ambiguous, though that’s very minimally alluded to here.

[commissioned by someone who requested to remain anonymous]

— —

“Jesus, f—Please, I can’t—Shit !” 

With one last choked scream, you collapse back down to the mattress, aftershocks of euphoria ravaging your trembling body in powerful waves. Your wrists ache where they rest behind you near the base of your spine, bound tightly with coils of sturdy crimson rope. 

The lacquered surface of the wooden headboard behind you is cool and hard against the flushed, sweaty skin of your back—a welcome respite. 

Your thoughts spin; your naked chest heaves; and that sensitive place between your thighs… twitching and unbearably sore, puffy folds glistening with copious amounts of your own slick.  

You’d close your legs if you could—but of course, Peggy’s already several steps ahead. Both legs are restrained, bent double and widely spread—ankles to the tops of your thighs, knees askew—limbs tightly bound in crimson rope which matches the neat coils around your wrists. 

“P-P-Please, Ms. Carter,” you manage to gasp out, lungs burning. “I-It’s too much, p-please—” 

A dainty, perfectly-manicured finger dipping into your swollen folds stops you mid-thought, ripping the very breath from your lungs as the tip drags languidly from entrance to clit. 

In this moment, it seems to matter very little that you never wanted this—that Peggy Carter was a friend to you and nothing more, that you were more than content with allowing the dynamic between the pair of you to stay exactly that: platonic. Professional, even.

She’s your boss, for Christ’s sake, and heaven knows you’ve never been one for mixing business and pleasure. 

It never ends well. You know that better than most. 

Not only that, she’s… well, she’s Peggy Carter. Sole founder and current CEO of CARTER & CO., the world’s largest weapon manufacturing conglomerate to date. She’s among the most successful women in the world—in history, even. Hell, she’s been on the cover of Forbes three times spanning the last five years; she’s basically a celebrity. 

What could she possibly want with the likes of you? What could you possibly gain from making yet another big-time mistake with the woman who holds your very future in her dainty, impossibly well-manicured hands?

“Holy—Shit—Fuck !” 

Maddening shocks of pleasure jolt you back to the present, the pad of a probing finger as it lazily circles your clit. Just like that, any semblance of dubiety and skepticism flee your thoughts, leaving you a writhing sweat-slick mess in its wake, noxious euphoria twisting your very insides up in dolorous knots. 

“Aww,” Peggy coos, her breath hot against your lips as she looms above you, cocoa-bean-brown eyes watching your every twitch and shudder with rapt attention. “Does that hurt?”

Even as she asks, the very tip of her middle finger delves surehandedly back into your slick to dip just so inside your spasming hole; needless to say, the sensation alone (no matter how slight) has you fucking keening off the bed.

“Oh—OhmyGod—” You cut yourself off with a short inhale as Peggy sinks her finger ever further inside your clenching depths without a semblance of warning—slowly, gradually until she’s knuckle deep inside you.

Holy fuck.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts—but there’s pleasure, too. Body-racking, chest-compressing, insurmountable pleasure which threatens to tear you apart from within.   

“Puppy’s a bit sensitive now, aren’t they?” Peggy questions, her honeyed tone dripping with faux sympathy. She’s all power and hungered poise as she bores down upon you: red-painted lips pushed out to form a perfect pout, lust-blown pupils intent upon your own… It feels impossible to look away. “Well, that’s to be expected, I suppose. I’ve put this pretty little pussy of yours through quite the ordeal this afternoon, haven’t I?”

“I—P-Please, I don’t wanna—Oh, my, FUCK !” Pleasure arrests your body from every side as she works another finger into you without preamble, effectively halting any futile attempts at escape in favor of arching your body obscenely up into hers—a wordless plea for more, more, more.

You don’t want it; it hurts and you don’t want it, but somehow you do, and that juxtaposition alone threatens to shatter you from the inside out—never mind the rest of it.  

Peggy chuckles, leaning down to nuzzle the tip of your nose with her own—teasing you even still, like you aren’t hanging on the precipice of utter mental and physical collapse. “Aw, my precious baby… You can give me another, can’t you?” She plants a kiss at the very corner of your lips, letting out a quiet chuckle against your skin at the tortured groan that objectively rather simple act elicits. “You can cum for me once more, make me so very, very proud?”

Something about Peggy Carter—she has a certain knack for making every question come across as an incontestable demand. This instance is no exception. 

And, in typical Peggy Carter fashion, she doesn’t wait for a verbal response.

Rather, she does precisely the opposite—works in another finger and doubles her pace despite the way it makes you shriek and wail, thrusting violently into you until lewd squelching noises fill your ears. Your cheeks burn with the shame of it; your sorely overstimulated cunt throbs and spasms wildly around Peggy’s thrusts; the sheer sensation of it all is unlike any else you’ve ever known, eclipsing your fickle consciousness in shades of blinding white.

“That’s it, bunny, let it happen,” Peggy soothes, her voice low and silken—offering comfort… and even still, her pace doesn’t falter—if anything, it quickens; long, dexterous fingers coaxing your swollen cunt steadfastly towards another earth-shattering orgasm that you’re sure will break you when it hits. “You’re doing so well for me, now—such a desperate little thing… You’re going to cum, aren’t you? All over my hand like a good little puppy, that’s it...”

… Fuck. Yeah, that fucking breaks you. 

You bite your tongue to stifle a keening whimper and don’t flinch when you taste blood, even as you can’t stop yourself from bobbing your head up and down in a shallow nod—admitting defeat. Hell, you’re almost cross-eyed as you gape wordlessly back up at Peggy, helpless and utterly overwhelmed by pleasure, bits of drool dribbling down your chin. 

It’s… heaven. Fucking heaven.  

— —

tagging:

[marvel]: @teenwonder

— —

end notes: dark!peggy rail me challenge

LINK TO MASTERLIST

[tiredb0igivemesugars]

It takes a village

Summary: ftm y/n comes out, scared of his dad's reaction but Tony Stark manages to be full of surprises.

📝words:📝 994

��️Warnings:⚠️ swearing, gender dysphoria, anxiety, transphobia (kinda)

💙Pairing:💙 Tony Stark!dad and reader!son

📎note:📎 hi! sorry for being gone for so long. I'm having a really bad writer's block but here's an old one I found. Also no proof read.

Have you ever had to wake up to a body that didn’t feel like yours? A life that didn’t feel like yours? Have you ever had the urge to cry and throw up when you walk down to the kitchen in the morning and your dad greets you with ”good morning my beautiful daughter”? Have you wanted to scream: ”That’s not me!” ”I am not your daughter!”

Is PE just a relentless nightmare because of the changing rooms?

Is every waking moment pure agony?

If you answered yes to any of these questions you probably are Tony Stark’s daughter. Yes, daughter, because that’s how you were born. In a girl’s body, hating every second of it.

In the back of your mind, you knew your dad would accept you, you just didn’t think that you were ready to have that conversation. In some parts of your brain, you held back because you didn’t want to bother anyone with it. It always seemed like there was something more pressing at hand, you could do just one more day as Tony Stark’s daughter.

Your alarm clock disturbed your peaceful sleep, waking you up to reality. You groaned, remembering who you were and what today would hold for you. Thursday. School. Preparations for tomorrow’s charity ball, which you were also supposed to attend.

You had a dress fitting tomorrow morning, could not wait for that.

Dressing quickly for school, you made your way to the kitchen, grabbing the usual coffee and looking for something light for breakfast in the fridge.

”Good morning princess.” You heard your dad say as he walked in, you bit back on a groan before turning to face him and smile.

”Morning dad.”

The both of you sat down, enjoying the minutes of silence before Steve would walk in with something new to ramble about, he was really talkative in the mornings. Always bombarding everyone with questions. His voice could already be heard down the hall. He was talking with Natasha.

”Yeah but I don’t get it, why can’t I call her that? It’s her name.” Steve probed.

”Firstly, it’s not she, it’s he and second because his name is Elliot.” Natasha explained, clearly trying her best to remain calm while navigating through the kitchen for food.

It was quite clear to you that they were talking about Elliot Page. Steve had watched Juno last night and was more than confused when everyone kept talking about Elliot when that wasn’t the name that was credited in the movie.

Should you but in? Well, you should but could you?

”You know what, talk to her, she’s young, she knows more about these things. I’m old and I’m from Russia.” Natasha finally snapped. ”Her” was an indication to you. You had to explain to the 100-year-old man about trans people while trying to hide your own identity, that’s 3rd-degree interrogation right there.

Without missing a beat Steve sat in front of you, looking at you like you’d have all the answers in the world, all he had to do was listen.

"What?” You asked, trying to play oblivious.

”This Elliot thing, I’m confused.” Steve clarified.

”Well yeah, his name is Elliot and uses he him pronouns.” You tried to explain without going too much into detail.

”What are pronouns?”

”Well like she, her, he, him and even they and them.” You could’ve gone more in-depth with neo pronouns but you decided to cut him some slack since he was basically a grandpa.

”I don’t follow.”

”Well I am assuming that you go by he and him pronouns, right? That’s what that means. Natasha is most likely she and her. You understand how that works, don’t you?”

Steve’s face was blank as if he was still processing.

”So..” Steve began.

”He and him.” He said and pointed to himself.

”She and her.” Pointing at Natasha.

”He and him.” Tony’s turn.

Oh god.

”She and her.” He pointed to you.

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to not let emotion convey you.

”Y-yeah.” You wanted to stutter out.

There was something different about this. He pointed at you while he said it, it went right through you. You couldn’t stand another day being Tony Stark’s daughter.

”Actually, no.” You corrected, already feeling the anxiety beginning to bubble. Hands getting shakier, breathing just that much harder than you knew you couldn’t breathe properly.

”Wait now I’m confused.” Steve said and put his hands up as a sign of giving up.

”Dad, I’m not your daughter anymore. Haven’t been for a long time.” You confessed, trying to keep it lowkey despite your anxiety. You could tell that your voice was shaking, you cursed yourself for it.

Tony seemed to have frozen, staring down at his cup of coffee.

Fuck. Shouldn’t have said anything.

Tony cleared his throat.

”So we should probably get you a suit, right? Can’t have you wearing no dress tomorrow night.” Tony turned to smile at you.

The anxiety that had bubbled in your chest, threatening to overspill, had died down.

You let out a relieved sigh, the weight finally off of your shoulders.

Tony pulled out his phone. ”What name should I put for the suit fitting tomorrow at 10.30 AM?”

”Y/n”

”Hm, it fits you. Couldn’t have said it better myself.” He said and reached to give you a shoulder rub and a warm smile.

A plate clattered against the table, the table sliding towards you. ”Pancakes for y/n,” Natasha said and offered you a smile.

You couldn’t be Tony Stark’s daughter. What you could be was Tony Stark’s son.

The suit was fitted to you, a jacket to give the illusion of wide shoulders and straight-legged pants.

And when the inevitable wave of anxiety came right before you were supposed to walk past all the reporters, Tony was there. Offered your shoulder the familiar squeeze.

”It’ll be alright.”

And it would be, eventually, because you were y/n Stark, Tony Stark’s son.

[sokkas-honour]

For the Spotify writing could you do 50 for Korra

ms. california - korra x reader

pairing: korra x reader (gender neutral)

wc: 1.8k

notes/warnings: nothing here folks :)

i love your voice but hate the way, you talk of her consistently

you heard the boats coming in before you saw them, you heard the cheers erupting from a small crowd that had formed around the south pole’s dock, all flocking to catch a glimpse of their avatar coming home. while everyone’s excitement stemmed from seeing what was essentially a hero, you were just excited to finally see your oldest friend whom you hadn’t seen since she had left to go back to republic city after spending time healing with master katara in the south pole.

excitement cursed through your veins at the prospect of seeing your best friend after years of being separated as you ran to mix in with the crowd of natives welcoming one of their own home.

your heart swelled once you finally spotted her, standing proudly at the front of the ship, her mother placed right next to her as they both waved at the crowd. you noticed her newly cut hair that you had only seen in recent varrick industries movers, it looked even better on her in person.

you pushed your way through the crowd, excusing yourself as you bumped into several people, most of them unphased as they kept their gaze on the master of all four elements. you didn’t stop moving until you found yourself next to tonraq, a man who had served as almost a second father to you ever since you were a toddler. your father being one of the water bending masters that kept an eye on korra growing up, meaning you grew up alongside her at the white lotus compound.

“hey y/n, excited?” the chief asked as soon as he noticed your presence next to him, keeping his eyes on his daughter that was fast approaching.

“yes sir.” cheers got louder as the boat finally stopped, chief tonraq invited you to join him as he walked towards the boat, the guards he had enlisted letting you pass in order to join him.

when your eyes met here as she started coming down, you felt a smile grow on your features as you watched her face mirror yours, two old friends finally reuniting.

unexpectedly, korra picked up the pace and wrapped you in a hug as soon as she got near you, taking you by surprise.

“i missed you.” she exclaimed as you were returning it, happy to once again be in her arms. her large coat was soft to the touch but she smelled rather foreign, most likely due to the fact that was living in a bustling city. the sound of her voice was something you didn’t expect to miss so much but now that you finally heard it for the first time in months, you didn’t want to ever go without it again.

“missed you too.” you squeeze her slightly before you two finally broke apart, grins still on your faces as you both eyes each other up and down in order to see if there were any noticeable changes in each other’s appearance.

a little later during the day, after following korra revisit her home town you ended up having dinner at her childhood home. swapping not only childhood stories but also catching up on the things you had missed and that’s when when you found out about her.

one question was asked and suddenly, that’s all korra could talk about, all of her recent experiences being completely thrown out the window to talk about things her girlfriend, asami, had been doing, how her company was doing, some new invention she had come up with in the later hours of the night, a funny thing she had said, everything that was coming out of the avatar’s mouth had something to do with her.

you tried your hardest to engage in the conversation, finding your heart melt at how she talked about asami with so much love and amazement. her eyes sparkled in a way you had never seen them and you felt your heart sting a bit knowing that she’d never talk about you that way, that her eyes would never lit up at the sheer mention of your name. after a couple of minutes of enduring it, you retracted to your own thoughts, letting tonraq and senna interact with their daughter.

but every time you say her name, it honestly kills me

to help digest your food, and because korra insisted she wanted to, you both went on a walk after you finished eating some delicious homemade noodles. the cold didn’t both you as much as you were bundled under your coat, happy to find that outside the sky was clear, no signs of a snow storm in sight.

“sorry, i talked a lot back there.” she immediately said once she stepped out of her home to join you, excusing herself for being the center of attention at her own celebratory dinner.

“you realise that you haven’t been home in ages, and you’re the avatar, you’re the only one with any real stories to tell.” you joked as you started leading her in a random direction, knowing the whole area like the back of your hand meant that no matter where you two went, you wouldn’t get lost.

“come on, life here isn’t that boring.” she laughed lightly at your comment, following you closely so she wouldn’t get lost.

“you’d be surpised.” she rolled her eyes, not believing for one second that her best friend who always loved to live life to the fullest was admitting to living such a monotonous one.

“my dad told me you started teaching people waterbending which means you’re a real master now, that’s cool!” she nudged you lightly, causing a small smile to tug at your lips at the compliment on the full mastering of your skill, something that you were incredibly proud of.

“yeah, it’s not what i plan to do forever but it’s fun.” you shrugged your shoulders slightly before you two fell into a comfortable silence, the only sound between you being the trudging of your boots in the snow and the usual night sounds.

“but i could totally beat your ass, water or all elements, you don’t stand a chance.” you spoke up defiantly while simultaneously holding a joking tone in your words making her stop in her tracks.

“is that so? i’d love to see it.” she placed her hands on her hips as her eyes jokingly narrowed in your direction, thankfully you were still close enough to people’s houses to have some light letting you see her hilarious facial expression that looked identical to the one she used to wear when she was younger.

“how about tomorrow? we can even invite your parents so they see how weak the avatar actually is.” you teased as you suddenly felt the snow beneath your feet shift, causing you to fall backwards. quickly reacting, you brought snow up around the both of your arms to propel yourself forward, directing the snow directly at your friend as soon as your feet were flat on the ground.

korra brought her arms up to stop the snow from hitting her before letting it go limp and drop the ground.

“damnit, i would’ve loved to catch you off guard.” she whined, finally walking up to you after having let you walk by yourself a short distance.

“korra, you called me a master not two seconds ago, did you not think i’d be able to react to that?”

“listen, i didn’t think this through.” she rose her hands up in defence as you laughed, shaking your head at how much your friend could be idiotic when she wanted to.

“no kidding.” your comment earned a gust of air being bent in your face, causing your hood to fly backwards and your face going cold.

you narrowed your eyes at her as she simply stuck her tongue out childishly, causing you to laugh at how immature she was.

“i sure hope your city friends also get to deal with this side of you, would be a shame if they didn’t.” you managed to say once your laughter died down, being met with playfully offended avatar with her arms crossed as she observed you laughing with a quirked eyebrow.

“actually, asami says i’m pretty mature.” she stated matter of factly and you felt your happiness falter slightly at the mention of her girlfriend, wishing you could just go back to five minutes ago when you weren’t reminded of the fact that korra was living a completely different life to yours, one that didn’t involve spending it with you but with some supposed beautiful and genius inventor.

she's your girl, she's in all your pictures. california girl, i wish i was her

the following day, after tiring each other out sparring, you both headed back to her house as she mentionned wanting to show you some pictures she had of her life in republic city. you had barely seen certain staples of it like air temple island and the aang statue inside of books but never anything more.

“this is the spirit portal in the middle of the city.” you had seen numerous times the southern portal but there was something about the new one that made it stand out, while trying to figure it out, you spotted her, tall, long black hair, looking adoringly at korra who was talking to some officiel and you knew right then and there that was asami.

as korra showed you pictures of the pro bending arena, more in depth ones of air temple island, the spirit vines and in practically all of them you could see her, her whole presence seemed elegant, you could tell why korra had fallen for her.

when you're gone, she sleeps in your t-shirts

“shit i forgot my shirt.” korra mumbled as she frantically searched through the bag for her night shirt as you watched her from the other side of the room.

“don’t you have some here?” you suggested, looking around her room to maybe see one laying around but you knew that senna kept the room nice and tidy while her daughter was away.

“probably, hopefully asami is making use of it.” korra shrugged her shoulders before abandoning her bag on the ground, making her way to her crate where she kept all of her older clothes, grabbing the first one that came in between her fingers before facing you again, excited to have a sleepover like you always used to have.

“yeah, hopefully.” you mumbled, staring at the small fire that korra had lit for extra warmth, wishing that maybe in another life you weren’t just korra’s childhood friend, maybe you two actually got together, maybe if you had followed her to republic city instead of staying home afraid of being reprimanded by your parents for disobeying orders, maybe everything would’ve been different.

it hurts, i wish i was her, ms california.

general taglist: @biqherosix @draqondance @butterfly-skinnylegend @alteasmoon @staygoldsquatchling02 @sunnypluto

lok only taglist: @welovediaaxx @firelady-jay @callmecopper

[aster-ion]

Sylvie x Loki Might Not Happen and Here’s Why

***SPOILERS FOR LOKI TV SHOW***

1.  They are basically siblings

Even though they have different personalities, backstories, and physical appearances, that doesn't change the fact that they are the genetic equivalent of siblings. No matter what Timeline you're looking at, both Sylvie and Loki are the offspring of Laufey and whoever he had children with. We know this because they are Variants of the exact same person, meaning that if either of them were born to someone other than Laufey, they would have been pruned as a baby. And since they weren't, that means they must be just as genetically similar as siblings are.

Because of this, the idea of Sylvie and Loki engaging in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship is extremely disturbing to a lot of fans. It's too big an oversight to brush past, especially when the show has continued to remind us over and over that they are, in fact, both Lokis. Maybe if them being the same person wasn't such a major plot point, it would be easier to ignore the facts, but it is, and that means that Marvel is basically pushing either an incest or selfcest (depending on how you look at it) type relationship. And that’s extremely risque for a corporation as large as Marvel, especially with a character as beloved by fans as Loki. 

2.  It is terrible LGBTQ+ representation

And before anyone says anything, no, it is not because Sylvie is portrayed as female and Loki as male. I've seen a lot of Sylvie x Loki shippers say that the reason people don't like the couple is due to it being one between a male and female, but that's not true. Loki and Sylvie were both confirmed to be bisexual, meaning that they can engage in a relationship with anyone of any gender. It would be completely valid for either of them to pursue romance with someone of a different sex and still be bisexual. No one is arguing against that, and if they are, I definitely do not agree with them.

However, the problem comes in when you take into account Marvel and Disney's (who owns Marvel) long history of queerbaiting. There have been countless times that Disney advertises their "first gay character!" only for it to be a single line of dialogue or a brief shot. Marvel in particular has used the popularity of certain LGBTQ+ ships and headcanons in their fanbase to generate media popularity that they don't actually follow through with in their movies/shows. So when Loki was confirmed to be both genderfluid and bisexual in Episode Three, lots of people felt like they were finally getting a win for representation. 

But those people, myself included, appear to have been let down again. The first two official queer characters had so much potential to go off and be with anyone they wanted, but instead, the show has set them up to be in a romance with each other. Now, this wouldn't be problematic on it's own, but when you take into consideration the questionable nature of their romance from Point One as well as the fact that the show has explicitly referred to it as "twisted," it raises the question of whether or not this is actually good representation. Because the fact is, in one episode the writers went “look, it’s two queer people!” and in the next, they said “their relationship is disgusting and demented.” Marvel’s first bisexual characters being borderline incestuous/selfcestuous does not sit well with me at all.

All of this is made even more confusing when you take into account the background of the Loki crew, most notably, the director Kate Herron. She also directed the Netflix series Sex Education, which has quite a bit of very well done representation of all kinds. So how is she managing to fail so badly on this project? It makes me wonder whether she truly is just losing her touch or if this is all a misdirection. Personally, I'm hoping for the latter.

3.  It does not send the "self love" message people seem to think it does

The writers, director, and cast of Loki have said multiple times that the relationship between Sylvie and Loki is meant to act as a metaphor for self love. And in a way, that makes a lot of sense. Despite creating different identities for themselves over time, they are still ultimately the same person and therefore share a special bond because of it. And there's a lot of potential that can be done with that concept.

Loki is an extremely complex and intriguing character. He has experienced a lot of trauma in his past that has shaped him into the person he is today. And that person is clearly very broken. He has never given away or received any kind of love, with the exception of his mother and possibly his brother, Thor. Other than that, he's had no healthy friendships, romances, or perception of himself. It makes sense for him to be confused by this pull he feels towards Sylvie, who is both alarmingly alike and vastly different from himself.

Something this series does exceptionally well is breaking Loki out of his comfort zone. He is finally forced to see himself from other people's perspectives. It started with the file Mobius showed him in the first episode. Loki was able to view his actions apart from himself, and was hit with the realisation that he had been hurting people, and he didn't like that. 

Loki is also confronted by the existence of the Time Keepers and the TVA, who describe him as an antagonist and nothing more. To them, his role is to make those around him look better, even if that means he repeatedly gets the short end of the stick. Mobius mentions that he disagrees with this and that Loki "can be whoever and whatever he wants, even someone good," adding another layer of depth as to who Loki could be in the future of the series. 

Another huge moment for Loki's character development is while in the Time Loop Prison with Sif. Though he starts out annoyed with the situation and recalls not feeling apologetic when he cut off Sif's hair, the longer he is in the loop, the more he changes. Loki admits things to himself that we have never seen him say aloud, such as the fact that he is a narcissist that craves attention. Sif telling Loki over and over that he deserves to be alone makes Loki question whether or not he believes that to be true, allowing him an introspective moment where he really has to think about who he is. 

Now with all of that being said, I'd like to tie in why this is important to the writing of Loki and Sylvie. They act as a mirror to one another, representing both the flaws and strengths of "what makes a Loki a Loki." For once, Loki gets an honest, unbiased look at himself without layers of expectations or self doubt. On Lamentis, he calls Sylvie "amazing" and praises her for all her accomplishments. That's a huge moment for him because it shows that despite also finding her irritating, he can look past those traits and see someone worth being a hero underneath. And through that realisation, he begins to understand that he can also grow to love himself. That kind of character development for Loki is incredible to watch, and it's the kind of character development I want to see from this series. Unfortunately, them possibly engaging in a romantic relationship will ruin it.

Whenever I'm feeling insecure about myself and my abilities, the solution has never been to look at who I am through a romantic lens. Self love is an entirely different type of love from romantic love, so if the series tries to push this relationship as a romance, it will fail to truly represent the arc that they are trying to show.

4.  Nobody likes it 

This one's a little on the nose, but it's true. Almost no one likes this ship, and more than that, most people actively hate it. Yes, there is a small minority that like Loki and Sylvie together, but there is an overwhelmingly larger group that is disgusted and angry by the fact that the show paired them up.

After Episode 4 aired, I ranted for about an hour and a half with a friend about how much we didn't want them together. My aunt whom I have never texted reached out to me to say that she hated their relationship. My homophobic neighbour came over and told me that she would prefer any other romance to this. Friends that I haven't talked to much since school let out for summer have all agreed that they collectively dislike Loki x Sylvie. This ship has brought people together purely because everyone hates it more than they hate each other.

There is no denying that the general feedback for Loki and Sylvie being a couple has been negative, even if you support them getting together for some reason. So if there are so many people out there who don't like it, I'm confused as to how it would be approved by a team of professionals.

5.  The contradicting information we have gotten so far

Before the release of Episode Four, Kate Herron said that the relationship between Loki and Sylvie was “not necessarily romantic.” During the interview, she continued to refer to them as friends and people who found solace and trust in each other.

However, after Episode Four, the head writer, Michael Waldron, and other members of the crew spoke up about Sylvie and Loki. They said things like “it just felt right that that would be Loki’s first real love story” and “these are two beings of pure chaos that are the same person falling in love with one another.” These kinds of comments very heavily imply something romantic, directly contradicting what Kate Herron said. Even Tom Hiddleston, the actor for Loki, has assessed the situation, highlighting the differing viewpoints. He’s also said before that the end of Episode Four ultimately has Loki getting in his own way. 

Now, this could all just be a misdirection on either side to build suspense for the show, but as of right now, it is entirely unclear who is telling the truth. Though it is more likely that the statements made by Michael Waldron are more accurate (as he is the writer), there is still a slight possibility that Loki x Sylvie won’t happen. I’ll link the articles I’ve found on this topic below so you can read them and decide for yourself. 

Kate Herron Statement - https://www.cbr.com/loki-sylvie-relationship-not-romantic/ 

Michael Waldron Statement - https://www.marvel.com/articles/tv-shows/loki-sylvie-in-love 

Tom Hiddleston Statement - https://thedirect.com/article/loki-tom-hiddleston-sylvie-romance 

6.  It is still salvageable

The odds are not in our favour, I’m afraid. It is highly probable that the show will put Loki and Sylvie in a romantic relationship with each other. Yet there is still a way to salvage it and turn their bond into something incredibly satisfying. Like I mentioned in Point Three, the relationship between Loki and Sylvie has the potential to be incredibly empowering and provide both characters some much-needed growth. And I believe that while unlikely, it can still do that. 

The only mention of them being romantically interested in each other came from Mobius, who at the time was angry, betrayed, and doing anything he could to get Loki to talk. Then, at the end of the episode, right before Loki is about to confess something important to Sylvie, he is pruned. This results in no explicit confirmation from either Loki or Sylvie that they are in love with each other. The audience is left not knowing whether Mobius was correct in his speculations, and honestly, I don’t think Loki knows either.

Loki is no expert on love, as I explained earlier. It is entirely possible that he doesn’t grasp how he feels about Sylvie and defaults to romance because of what Mobius said. There is undoubtedly some sort of deep bond forming between them, and I would love to see that being explored in the next two episodes. I would love to watch Loki’s journey of realising that he doesn’t want anything romantic with Sylvie, and was simply confused by the new things he was feeling towards her. Loki even says “this is new for me” when talking to Sylvie at the end of Episode Four. Him momentarily believing that he wants to be a couple with her then shifting into them becoming friends who help each other grow is still a reality that could happen. And ultimately, I think that would benefit them both as characters as well as strengthen the overall message of the show.

In a show about self love, acceptance of yourself, and figuring out who you want to be, Loki very much needs people who support him. He has that in Mobius already, and now he’s beginning to have it in Sylvie as well. I just hope that it is done in a way that resonates with the audience and subverts expectations, which just cannot be done through some twisted romantic relationship. I’ve spoken to others watching the show and seen people talking online, and everyone seems to agree that Loki and Sylvie work much better as platonic soulmates or found family than a couple. 

Of course, my hopes aren’t that high up. While I’d love for this to happen, I’ve been let down by Marvel before and wouldn’t be surprised if they went for the easy route of pairing characters up rather than dealing with the emotions correctly. Still, I have hope for this series. Everything else about it is wonderful and perfect in every way. It has the potential to become a masterpiece and easily the best thing that Marvel has ever done. However, this romance would ruin it for me and so many others. We already feel incredibly disappointed by Loki x Sylvie being suggested, so I can’t even begin to fathom how people will react if the show makes it canon. I’m begging Marvel to please do better than this. They have a wonderful story to tell and a wonderful team to do it, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that they don’t throw that away. 

[rainbowsky]

Final round-up of fan fic asks

I've gotten a few more interesting responses to the fan fic discussion so I'm going to round them all up here. This will be my final post on the topic until/unless there's a dramatic new development, or a particularly notable response I want to highlight. Thanks to everyone who brought their thoughts and experiences to the topic. I hope everyone at least feels heard.

The biggest piece of advice that I would like to offer is for everyone to focus on what they love rather than what they hate. If we all did that, the world would be a better place. Alongside that, I'd like to remind everyone to please support authors whose work you like. It's so important. Give them a kudos, give them a nice comment, recommend their work to others. You never know what kind of grief and harassment they are dealing with to bring you these great stories, and our support means a lot.

This is in reference to previous posts here and here.

Anonymous asked:

With regard to fandom and fan fic issue, my years of experience being part of very large fandoms has led me to believe that big accounts are v important in facilitating and enforcing the general consensus of the whole fandom. Unless there will be big accs who'll remind everyone of being respectful & just not being a dick over other's preferences, nothing will change.

This is also the reason why I think certain solo fandoms have adapted weird and twisted narratives as their general fandom story because no big acc has tried to police them & and say hey pls be rational. Whether we like it or not, in a place where how far voices, ideas, tweets, posts get heard is based on the number of followers you have, big accs will have the power and influence in creating/curating/shifting the narratives.

So, if you want to know why your/our fandom thinks like this in general, look at what big accs are tweeting/posting, look at what ideas & values they follow, look at their preferences or how strongly they react to certain situations. it's taxing and toxic for big accs given the nature of social media these days, but it's also the reality of system, the more followers/audience you have, the more influence you will have.

So to anyone reading this I hope we all practice more restraint and reflection before we post anything. Remember that words, no matter what medium you write it in, will always carry weight.

So true. It is easy - even for myself who spends a fair chunk of time answering people's asks - to forget that people can sometimes be impressionable and what we say can influence people whether that's our intent or not. I get used to thinking of myself as a regular guy just doing my own thing when sometimes my thoughts and words go well beyond where I initially posted them.

I think it's important for us to be careful what we say, and it's equally important to be careful what we take from what other people say. Especially when it comes to big claims. Always get a second, third, fourth opinion and don't be afraid to ask for clarification if something doesn't sit right or sounds confusing.

It's also important to reflect on how our words and actions might affect other people's experience of fandom, and err on the side of 'live and let live' wherever possible. It's great to have our own preferences and to champion them, but we should try to do so in a way that leaves space for other people and perspectives.

The more unique perspectives and the more friendly, open dialog there is, the healthier the community will be as a whole.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging and guiding growth in the particular areas we are interested in, as long as it doesn't step on, oppress or attack those who are peacefully enjoying something different.

Anonymous 2 asked: bjyx fans attacking gdgdbaby for including zsww/lsfy dynamics in an event named bjyx then turning right around and attacking the zsww/lsfy event organizer for excluding bjyx? god, can you hear my facepalm and sigh of resignation and incredulity from over there? im genuinely not surprised that they're trying to drive an entire part of the fandom out by disgusting them (and me) with these immature tactics. i believe what im about to say next will sound quite bait-y and i respect your decision 1/?

should you choose not to post this. but i do know that it is not only me, in fact there are many out there, that is of this opinion. we just dont talk about it on twitter to avoid the potential mess it will bring lol. okay, here goes nothing. (do note that im talking about the majority here, not every single person is like this) so bjyx fans tend to be cishet females whereas zsww/lsfy fans are more diverse in terms of age and gender, and most of them are part of the queer community too 2/?

i would like to clarify that most of these zsww/lsfy fans are not dynamic exclusive (in the sense that they are friendly and interact with all ggdd fans) they just prefer to "identify" themselves as zsww/lsfy fans (on twitter specifically) just to form a distinction from bjyx fans who mostly are dynamic exclusive (as in; they do not consume non-bjyx content, and straightup refuse to interact with non-bjyx fans, often blocking them). as a result, id say that the zsww/lsfy communiy is way more 3/?

mature and respectful (after all, they're mostly queer people talking about a queer ship) whereas many problems in this fandom, such as the homophobia, adamantly insisting on "drawing lines" between dynamics, stem from the bjyx exclusive fans, comprised of cishet females who "may not know better". so, it is of no surprise to me that they're resorting to these immature tactics of calling gg unsavory names, and organizing retaliatory events with controversial topics in an attempt to "purify". 4/4

I trust that you have arrived at that theory through your own experience and observation. I haven't personally spent much time immersed in this stuff so I can't claim to have any real insight or expertise. If you say that's your experience of it, then at the very least that's how you've seen things up to this point.

I just want to say that I think we should always be careful about making assumptions about people's age, gender/gender identity, etc.

There are plenty of good reasons to avoid doing that; because those assumptions could be very wrong, because those assumptions are often laced with ageism, sexism, etc., because those assumptions - even when correct - might not be an accurate basis for the conclusions we draw.

But the primary reason I recommend avoiding those type of assumptions is because anything that enables us to clump a group of people together in our minds like that will tend to make them easier to demonize and dehumanize. They are no longer individuals who are each responsible for their own unique perspectives, they are now 'the X group' who is known for 'A B C series of easily attackable ideas or behaviors'.

If we attribute undesirable traits and behaviors to a group of people we feel opposed to in some way, that makes us feel more righteous and justified in behaving unfairly toward them, dismissing their humanity and warring with them. It's just risky behavior to engage in, even when it's well-intentioned.

There might actually be some truth to what you're saying. It could very well be that most of these people are young, inexperienced, heteronormative, etc. but if that's the case then we should try to use those traits to better understand and empathize rather than to better dismiss and discredit.

Just my two cents on that.

It can be really frustrating dealing with what feels like other people attacking us, trying to oppress us, etc. - especially when there are more of them than there are of us. In my experience the best solutions to that sort of problem are generally the ones that focus on what we are doing and want to do rather than what they are doing that we don't want them to do.

As I am always preaching, we can't control what other people say, do or think. The only thing we have any control over is what we say, do and think (and how we respond to what they say, do and think).

I have found in my experience that the moment I step out of a conflict mindset and instead step into a problem-solving mindset, everything starts to come together. I feel better, my outlook is more positive, I can begin to see solutions and allies rather than problems and enemies, and most of all, I become more focused on what I am doing than what others are doing.

So I would recommend everyone who is invested in resolving these conflicts focus on that. "How can we best showcase and encourage the types of stories we enjoy?" instead of "How can we stop these other people from doing things we dislike?"

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello again! It’s anon #3 from the fanfic post. I really do appreciate reading your thoughts on various issues like this, so thank you for always taking time to write in depth. As for supporting without going to war, the simplest way has always been to just show appreciation for the creators, hype them up. Kudos are the easiest way on ao3 but comments in addition are great. This goes for all content—art, fics, vids..etc. Creators love to see and read how people react to their content. Sharing is also great, fic recs are very helpful, just be cautious with art and reposting though. Hope this helps a bit!

Thanks so much, Anon. I think this is excellent advice. And it's true that appreciation is great, but helping to expand the audience is also great. Recommending stories, pointing people to the pages/websites of artists we like (as opposed to reposting), sharing our own ideas and approaches, encouraging people to try new things... all of this helps build healthier communities.

And here's another one: WRITE! DRAW! CREATE!

I urge anyone with creative interests or talents to bring their voices to the community because we all can benefit from hearing from you.

Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I hope that over time we can all work in positive ways to improve the situation.

I think this subject has been well-covered now so I'm going to retire it for the time being. If anyone still feels they want to discuss it further please feel free to message me privately. Thanks.

[honeybeeadventures]

ALICE  IN BORDERLAND || a honeybeeadventures review

FULL DISCLOSURE: This review may be a little bit biased and that's gonna have to be okay this time because boy, do I LOVE this show.

If you're a fan of foreign tv shows and you haven't heard of Alice in Wonderland by now, then you may be living under a rock. This show, which premiered during the holiday season of the treacherous year known as 2020, is Netflix's most popular live-action adaptation to date. Yes, that's right, adaptation. That is because Alice in Borderland is based on the manga of the same name written and illustrated by Haro Aso.

This time, I will try to hold back all of my spoilers since this show is full of twists and turns and honestly, deserves a blank first impression going into it. I want to make sure that everyone who watches this show because of my review gets to experience it fully without my recapping the events haha. I will try to summarize without ruining anything, though.

Alice In Borderland is a Netflix Japan Original Adaptation of the manga that bears its namesake by Haro Aso which originally ran from April 2011 to April 2016. The show premiered on Netflix on December 10, 2020, and just 14 days later, a second season was confirmed by Netflix.

The show follows Arisu Ryohei and his friends after they witness fireworks in the middle of the day and are dropped into another world where most of the people in Shibuya are gone and the only way to survive is to risk their lives playing games that extend their visas and their right to live in that world. Every game is treacherous and usually ends with a loss of life, though some games do have finite solutions that can save players and preserve their well-being. Along the way, Arisu ( a name which is the Japanese way of pronouncing Alice, by the way ) meets a cast of characters that will seem fairly familiar to you if you've ever seen, read, or really have ever even heard of Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol or any of its adaptations.

I typically talk about diversity when I review shows, however, as this is a Japanese show, it's not really fair or easy to judge them on that metric because of course, everyone in the show is Japanese ( as they should be since the manga is set in Tokyo ). However, I will say that in the show, there is a character who says that everyone is free to sleep with whoever they want, no matter what gender and there is also a character that is a part of the Alphabet Mafia ( LGBTQIA+ ... I should make a glossary for this blog lol ). While only one ( confirmed ) members of the Alphabet Mafia isn't a lot, it is based on a manga, and considering the manga is written/illustrated by a Japanese man who was in his 30s at the time, I'm gonna chalk that up as the progressiveness of Haro Aso while still wanting to keep his audience.

Now, down to what you really came here for. I'll list the scores below before we get into why I gave them these scores.

Originality of Content: 8/10

Production Quality: 9/10

Resolution: 6/10

Acting/Cast Members: 10/10

Ability to Keep Interest: 10/10

Provocation: 8/10

Obviously, this show did really well by my standards, and here's the breakdown so you can see why.

Originality of Content: 8/10

If we're being honest here, Alice in Borderland definitely isn't the first manga/anime based on the premise of playing a game to survive or get somewhere in the world ( see: Kakegurui, No Game: No Life, .hack//, Gamble Fish, etc. or Rengoku Dead Role which is actually...very similar to AIB ). However, despite this, it still feels like there's some strong originality brought to this concept. Combining the Japanese love for games and a classical western story gives Alice In Borderland just what it needs to easily become a fan favorite. As someone who really favors game-based anime and manga ( because I really favor game design ), I think that the way that Alice In Borderland is a refreshing nod to the genre.

There's a couple of reasons for this but I'll boil it down to just two. The first is that it's not predictable. The issue with a lot of the game-based animes that I'm familiar with is that they are fairly predictable since most games work the same way, but with Alice In Borderland that is different. The rules to each game that is played seem so simple that they seem deceptive but they also seem complex in the way that a riddle is simple yet complex. Every answer that first comes to your mind is probably going to be wrong and you need to think about it more deeply than that. Sometimes, when the rules of the game were being explained, I found myself wanting to pause to see if I could figure out the solution of the game, too, as I watched Arisu think of it, as well.

The second reason is that Alice In Borderland keeps things fresh with its cast of characters. Rather than some characters being evil because that's 'just the way they are', Alice In Borderland really speaks to the effect of the pressure that is put on young people to succeed and how that can end up in them being more mentally lost than they were, to begin with. It also highlights struggles with gender identity, self-worth, complex family relationships, and living up to one's potential. It does this in such a way that even when a character is downright evil, such as Niragi ( IYKYK), there is almost a feeling of pity for them. This isn't because you sympathize with their actions but more so because it isn't difficult to see how the pressure of life turned them into this monster that you are now watching there. I also enjoyed the fact that there wasn't as much dramatic irony in this show as in many others. While dramatic irony is never a necessarily bad thing, it was nice to genuinely be surprised when a character did something instead of knowing that someone was plotting behind someone else's back.

Production Quality: 9/10

This is a statistic that comes with an asterisk of context and that context is that before this, I had been watching Uchu Sentai Kyuranger and if you know what the production quality of that is like then you understand how it may have influenced this show's score a bit. Even without the comparison fallacy of the two, though, AIB scores high in production quality for one reason more than any other to me. For a show with a lot of blood and death, I wasn't unwilling to believe that these people had actually died. Yes, I'm sure that no actors were harmed in the making of this series, however, if I was a little more naive, I might've doubted that a bit. After all, Live Action adaptations are definitely not known for their believability. I will give AIB the benefit of the doubt in saying that this concept wasn't that difficult to pull off since most of the injuries were similar to what you'd expect on your typical action movie set ( compared to...you know...something involving sci-fi or fantasy) but even in the scenes where people get their necks blown off by explosive collars, it looked like they were nearly decapitated...the way that you would expect if someone's neck was blown off by an explosive collar. All in all, if you want to believe it, you will. It's definitely not a hard stretch.

Resolution: 6/10

Okay, okay, so if you've read the manga or have even glanced at the r/AliceInBorderlandLive subreddit then you know this is kind of an unfair score since...well, they're not done. There's more to the story and the eight episodes that we've seen thus far are only about a third of what AIB has to offer since the manga has two sequels, one of which will be finished on Feb. 18 of this year. However, I will see that statement and raise it with "What if it hadn't been such a great success?" I'm all for ending on cliffhangers to force the network or in this case, Netflix to continue your show but since the first season of AIB covers so much of the storyline, it almost feels wrong to end it short the way that it did. I did like how they had the big reveal of the villain at the end and the way they showed what was coming next but it did feel a little anti-climactic when I realized I was on the last episode since it seemed more like a mid-season break type end instead of a season finale. Since there is a sequel to AIB, I wasn't feeling too discouraged but it's definitely something to think about when watching. If you don't plan on reading the manga, you might be left content starving and questioning until sometime near the end of 2021.

Acting/Cast Members: 10/10

If I was just scoring this show on acting, then it would've gotten an all-kill because each and every single actor in this show from the side characters like Nijiro Murakami and Dori Sakurada to Kento Yamazaki who plays Arisu himself is beyond talented and amazing. It is important to remember that all of the characters in this show had a life before they were transported to the Borderland and in this twisted world, something about the changes that make them different than before so in a way, these actors are responsible for not only playing the characters but also the characters past selves before this growth period in which they change into something either completely opposite or completely different than who they were before.

Somehow, this cast manages to take characters that are already so established ( in the manga ) and become them to the point that looking at them within the role and looking at them outside of the role, it almost seems as if they are really two completely different people. As I said before, some of the characters in Alice In Borderland have a correlation to characters from Alice in Wonderland and have their own unique backgrounds on top of that. This gives to the depth of the characters and makes them dynamic but on top of that, it makes them complex, and yet, these actors seem to have the act of embodying these characters down so well that it astonishes me to see them in other roles and know that it's the same person.

I'll be breaking down my three favorite performances to give you a bit of insight on the reason why this show's cast is well-worth looking into.

Dori Sakurada as Niragi Suguru

So let's be honest here, as much as we all like to pretend that we're immune to someone being attractive just because they also prove to be an awful person, but if we're being honest with ourselves, we're not and I am most certainly no exception to that rule. Dori Sakurada is a handsome man whose good looks are only matched in quality by his amazing acting skills. If you're familiar with his work then you know exactly what I'm talking about and if you're not, then I'd recommend watching 3B no Koibito ( Available with English subs on Youtube ) or Scum's Wish ( Available on Rakuten Viki )  to get an idea of how varied this man's acting skills are. In AIB, he plays a character that is somewhat villainous and can almost be classified as your stereotypical movie sociopath. Yet, still, there's something intriguing beyond just his good looks. Dori Sakurada's performance breaths new air into the lungs of the character of Niragi by not only becoming the villain but also, by picking up the mannerisms and master gestures associated with the character that make him such a memorable part of the story. I haven't seen Dori's full Filmography but the character I have seen outside of AIB are a complete left turn from this character which makes me think that the casting director at Netflix Japan needs a raise for having chosen someone who looks so sweet to be such a villain.  

Nijiro Murakami as Chishiya Shuntaro

When it comes to characters that become scene-stealers, Chishiya Shuntaro is definitely one of them. This character is so powerful that I, even, named my cat after him. That is a fact of which I am not ashamed. From the second episode of the show, when we are first introduced to him, he becomes an integral part of the framework of the game he is involved in and it is obvious that we will see him again. That being said, there is no way to word Murakami's performance besides 'integral' as my friend put it, "I literally could not imagine anyone else playing this character." As Chishiya, Murakami takes on such a life and ease in the character that it's almost difficult to believe that the sly facial expressions paired with his nonchalant air are not in his nature and are, in fact, something that he donned for the role. I look forward to seeing not only more of Murakami as this character but exploring more of his filmography in general.

Aya Asahina as Hikari Kuina

Kuina as a character is someone that the protagonist does not meet until a few episodes into the show but when it comes to backstories and characters with rich personalities, she shines compared to a lot of other characters I have seen like her. I won't spoil her backstory for you since she's definitely someone who represents something that's a little bit rarer in stories from more reserved cultures but she definitely deserved a mention in this category due to her amazing acting skills and her flawless stunt scenes.

Ability to Keep Interest: 10/10 || Provocation: 8/10

While the rest of my stats got their own individual evaluation, these are going to be combined and the reason for this is because they have the same reasons for their scores. As I mentioned before, Alice In Borderland takes a new spin on the 'play games to live' genre that is so common amongst anime and manga and for that reason, it was able to keep my interest so much so I finished watching it over the course of two days. It was also a deeply thought-provoking situation because the nature of the games and the backgrounds of the characters forced me to think up my own games and my own ideas of where the characters whose backstories are not explained could've come from. That being said, a lot of the thoughts that the show provoked did end up becoming depressing, especially after reading the manga because I discovered that some games could not have had a better outcome due to their simple rules and that made me very sad because even if I am not attached to or fond of a character, I still do not enjoy their downfall.

Overall: 8.5 = DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A KEEPER!

Overall, I enjoyed Alice In Borderland enough to have rewatched it one and a half times since I first watched it a few weeks ago. As someone who rarely goes back to shows that involve plot twists and suspense because I already know what's going to happen, that really says a lot for not just the storyline but also the acting and amazing intricacies that are in the show. I still feel like each time I watch it, I glean some new detail or fact that I hadn't thought of before and I come to understand the games a bit more with each passing scene or episode. I also feel that the more I rewatch the show, the more I sympathize with even the villains and come to value and understand their motivations and roles. 8.5 out of 10. I WOULD RECCOMMEND.

Thanks for reading!!

[allegedlyauser]

thoughts on loki episode 4

I’m not usually one to share thoughts on episodes of a show but this last episode was weird to say the least and I feel like I need to talk a bit about the fundamental problems I found with it. 

I have a lot of things to say and don’t really know where to start so I’ll just start by saying that I loved the show so far, esspecially the episode before this one. Episode 3 for me really gave us depth in both Loki’s and Sylvie’s characters, I depth I personally didn’t think we were going to get at all. I want to focus esspecially on Loki confirming that he isn’t straight during the episode, which in my opinion was executed exactly the way I wanted. The show doesn’t seem like it’s going to focus on it much further, so I honestly doubt that we will see anything happen on screen between Loki and anyone who isn’t female, but I’m glad they acknowledged it. I feel like most of the time people just ask for sexualities and identities to be acknowledged and to be treated like what they are: a part of the character and who they are. Loki confirming that he had been with ‘a bit of both’ wasn’t weird nor out of place, it was a normal response in a conversation, and I feel like that it’s a perfect example of how to give representation even if the story isn’t necesarilly about love or sexuallity or identity. And since for me this show is about Loki, who he is and who he could become, it was amazing to see that they respected the character and touched all the points they did. 

That being said however, I feel like they took several steps back from the steps forward they had taken on episode 3. And what happened on episode 4 and the problems it brings with it go far beyond any ship or headcanon I may or may not have on this show.

Starting with Sylvie, I have to say I wasn’t really feeling her at first. She was a weird combination between Lady Loki and the Enchatress which I didn’t really understand and wasn’t what I wanted when I said I would love for Lady Loki to appear on the show. However, I came to actually respect the character and how it was portrayed. In episode 3 we could see that Sylvie actually was a well rounded character which didn’t fall in a lot of the categories or cliches female characters are usually held upon, esspecially in superhero movies. I didn’t feel like she was strong because she was held to the standards of a man or because she acted like one. She wasn’t there to be pretty, but she also held a glimpse of femininity which wasn’t seen as a flaw. Overall I appreciated that she had a story of her own, and that she is strong while still being a realistic woman, and not one that is either completly unrealistic and seen through the male gaze or a woman who has to act and be like a man to be considered strong. I liked that we actually got to see her have emotions, which sounds weird to say, but its more often than not that women who are considered strong in movies and shows lack emotion and see femininity as something to avoid. Sexy and emotionless is usually the role given to strong women. Don’t get me wrong, there are really well written characters that would technically fall into those categories, but it’s the lack of characters like Sylvie which makes me appreciate the way she is, and that goes from her personallity to the way she’s dressed. And I have to say that in general the females in this show are really appealing to me and I enjoy watching them on screen. 

And Sylvie was such an amazing opportunity on the show too, not only as a character but also because of what she represented. She could have started a conversation among the themes in the show regarding how Loki sees himself. Being a gender fluid character I felt like this was such an amazing opportunity to actually see an explicit conversation about it on screen. About how Loki didn’t question having a female counterpart of himself, and what that means to how he viwes himself and his identity. I was excited to see that, esspecially knowing that Sylvie was going to be there to do so so so much more than just helping Loki find himself. It was such a amazing dance that could have been created with the dynamics of these two characters, bringing questions about who the other really is while still being their own characters. I was esspecially excited because representation of the lgbtqi+ community is usually reduced to white young gay men, and when it comes to identity and gender esspeciafically, gender fluidity or non-binary identities are almost never talked about. And on top of all of that, this show involving these two romantically is disrespectful to both characters and makes absolutely no sense.

I gave it much thought yesterday, what it was that I really hated about this relationship being settled. There are so many heterosexual couples in books and movies that are so amazing and well written, and for some reason since the first moment I knew this wasn’t one of them.

I feel like the biggest problem I have with it it's the development of the couple itself. They talked once on episode 2, and it wasn't about themselves really so it isn't like that first conversation added to them falling in love. Then they spend not even a day together and out of nowhere they are in love. If something had happened that really made them bond and trust each other I would kind of buy it I guess, but looking at episode 3 in an objective way, their relationship being now romantic comes out of nowhere. They have a couple of deep conversations sure but them being in love feels so forced. They essentially don't really know the other and haven't lived enough together for them to fall for the other either. It doesn't have any emotional weight to me. They are doing Loki wrong by having him literally fall in love with the first person who slightly understands what it's like to me him. It feels plain, forced, and really out of place, especially with where Loki is at story wise.

I feel like if it was well written and we'll developed, and it happened later in the series (not literally one episode after the female lead appears), then I would have been weirded out but I feel like the character arcs they deserved wouldn't have been so messed up. I don't ship them so it's not like I would be rooting for them, but I wouldn't be as mad for sure. The fact that this forced love story is there affects the character development of both characters, which clearly deserve better.

First with Loki, it's an ongoing theme that has been brought up that he doesn't want to be alone. Having him fall in love, esspecially as quickly as it happened, is just sick. It feels like the way for him to feel whole and okay is by him being with someone else which I feel misses the whole point of the show. Second with Sylvie, it just completely breaks all the praises I gave to the character some moments before. Don't get me wrong, it's perfectly possible to have a female character who is also in a relationship without her being watered down to nothing more to a love interest, but the nature of the relationship here, it being so underdeveloped, breaks what she had build up. Sylvie right now feels to me like a means to an end rather than her own character. That conversation I believe she was going to start for the show, which I talk about earlier, doesn't go both ways anymore. I'm really upset because for me it feels like the second they explained who she was, introducing who she could become, she immediately became the love interest. We haven't even had time to really enjoy the character knowing now who she is.

On top of all of this, I feel like a love story this early in the show is going to take the main focus of the Loki series away. I'm scared the show is going to go from Loki discovering who he is, what he wants and how he feels, to him wanting to go back to Sylvie all the time and him being in love becoming the main focus of his arc. Same with Sylvie, I don't want her character's arc to go from wanting to come to terms with who she represented in existance and with how to live with what happened to her and be happy, to her wanting to go back to Loki all the time too. Love stories like that are amazing too, but not with these characters at this point in the show.

Honestly when the nexus appeared I thought it was because Loki finally had loved himself, which is something we don't see happen at any point in his story (including the Loki in the sacred timeline). It's a sad thought but I believed that what had happened is that after talking to a different version of himself and before dying, he had realized he finally accepted himself and that wasn't supposed to happen. I still hope they go with that rather than the love story, for both the characters and for the plot of the series.

But yeah that's it, it ended up being really long but I hope I was able to explain well what I was trying to say. Hopefully the show continues to treat these characters and their stories well and doesn't make any unnecessary decisions like the one they just did.

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[reawritesthings]

my heart ✿ kiara cerrera ✿

summary: unlike you, kiara was accepted for being gay and welcomed you with open arms, after your parents get suspicious of you spending time together you call it off leaving kiara with a broken heart. 

Gif by @rudypankows

based on the song ‘my heart’ by christopher

words: 2.2K

warnings: mention of homophobia and angst. 

a/n: if you ever feel what reader is going through just know that you aren’t alone and be proud of who you are. If you ever need to talk or anything, my dms are always open for you guys. i hope i wrote this professionally. 

so tell me how to find another you, baby, i've looked underneath the stars

As night hit the blue haze of day to reveal the stars. Kiara always felt that this was a sign of another day of broken pieces. Like an old photograph, Kiara couldn't accept the rugged lines that interfered with her heart. The wind blew through her curly locks as she memorised each word you spilled, each laugh and worst, the thing she loved the most about you, your forest green eyes that sent anyone to a home of reassurance. 

You warned Kiara, you told her that this longing train of love would stab you both in the back. Without any warning, Kiara felt a streak of light coming from the skies above. The winds gushed through her skin forming shivers to run down her spine. 

She was lost, lost in the depth of her own heart that stopped beating the minute you left her in the moonlight. Afaird of telling yourself, admitting who you really are made Kiara wonder why the world was against them. Loving another human shouldn't have to come with harm, hate and dishonour. Regardless, of your gender or ways to your heart shouldn't interfere with the greatest force on his earth, love.

Kiara doubted herself, she couldn't breath knowing you were with someone else, in someone else's arms that weren't made to hold you. Kiara's hand gripped the long grass that trapped her in a neutral position, forcing her eyes to absorb the stars that weren't shining like they did. 

She did look again, looked for someone to fill her void of heartbreak that you created with words that weren't meant to praise you. Her friends introduced her to many different Tourons but, they weren't you. 

She looked for another you, another shilloute that match the curves you embraced. A laugh that could light a whole tree of lights when power is missing. A soft voice of reassurance when she felt she didn't belong. A touch that could melt away any evil that lured their way into her life, a song that would emphasis the love that the two of you shared. 

Kiara's eyes closed, letting the painful memories possess her mind with lurking thoughts that never knew could be her worst enemy. If another you was out there, someone in the streets or the big city, a light will guide her but living on this side of North Carolina, you'll be lucky to get a decent night sleep.

you threw me in the deep end, without a fucking reason

You've been acting off with Kiara all week, dodging her calls, lying about being busy. You hated it, you wanted to run into her safe haven but, the thunderstorms blocked your path. The lighting wasn't agreeing with your love, nor was your parents.

Coming from a family, a religious one where love was only acceptable for the male and female made you feel trap in your own home, where you should feel the most safest. The countless times your parents have lectured you about finding a boy, was barbaric. They didn't interest you, you wasn't fascinated by their witty attitude or their penises. 

You were curious, always have been. You hated being unsure of your own identity, afaird that people won't speak to you, or even look at you. Meeting Kiara that fear automatically disappeared, she made you feel accepted, and loved. Her own family welcomed you with open arms, they were proud that their daughter found happiness. Why couldn't yours? 

Lazily around in your room, flicking through the endless pictures of Yourself and Kiara a knock startled you, quickly closing your phone. 

"It's me." Kiara's voice smoothly entered the room, filling your body will excitement yet pain. 

"W-what are you doing here?" You stuttered out as Kiara welcomes herself into the room, sitting on the edge of your bed. 

"You have been avoiding me? Why?" Kiara was always straight to the point, she didn't use excuses. If she wanted something, she would get it. If something was on her mind, she would tell you regardless if your feelings were hurt. 

"I haven't? I've been busy with my family.." You lied as your nose twitched. Kiara rolled her eyes. She wasn't stupid, she figured you out in a matter of seconds. Your nose only twitched when you were lying, even though you hated how smart she was of made you love her even more. 

"Don't lie. I know you, you may think I don't but I see you, baby girl." Kiara grinned as she knew that nickname was one of your weaknesses. 

"Sh. My parents can hear you." You spat, pulling her closer to you as you didn't want your parents to hear the conversation nor see her. 

"What's going on?" Kiara's playfulness died down as she looked at you. She could feel the tension in your eyes as she slowly trace your arm, giving you that reassurance that you wished your parents gave you. 

"I-I I can't do this anymore. We, Us, we can't see each other anymore, Kie. I can't disappoint my parents. They suspect something and I can't let them know about me." You breathed out, letting that out was burdening you all day as you didn't know the right way to say how you were feeling. 

Kiara was taken back a little, she wasn't expecting those bullets to hit her. She didn't know how to even reply or react. "Baby girl... I understand that. Your parents will come around, 

"Kiara, I'm being serious. We can't do this anymore, I don't love you. I don't know how I feel, I feel like I'm drowning in my own mind and I can't seem to swim. Everything is crashing down and you charming me isn't working." You blurted out, stinging yourself as you let those words leave your mouth. 

"You don't love me?" Kie choked out. Mental flashback started to trap Kiara into a haze of memories that you both shared, they all seemed to be lies. 

"I'm sorry, Kie. I can't do this anymore. You have to go, forget me." You pleaded, not even making the eye contact as you were a coward. 

"How can I forget you? I fucking love you, Y/N. I love everything about you. Look me in the eyes and tell me that what you felt wasn't real? If you can tell me that these three months were a bunch of lies, I'll leave and never speak to you again." Kiara protested, letting tears fall onto her thighs that now was a safety blanket for her tears. 

You wanted to wipe away her tears, take all the pain that you trapped her with a simple kiss. But you couldn't, you couldn't do it. No matter how much your heart wanted her, your brain is the reason you are functioning. 

Taking a deep breath, you looked Kiara in the eyes. You looked at her brown eyes fade into a puddles of water, this was going to be the last time you see her big brown eyes. The last time you were going to run your fingers through her locks. 

"It was never real." You spoke, looking at the love of your life pick herself up from your bed not even giving you a satisfaction  to redeem yourself. You watched her leave, the last memory you had of her was her tears engraved in your covers. 

Not even a last kiss goodbye or a touch to reminisce the lovely memories you shared, it was a simple look that would haunt you forever. 

and tell me how not to be jealous, baby, when I see you dancing in his arms

Kiara was mesmerised by the gown you were wearing for midsummers, a soft greenish-blue gown made of satiny fabric, long and loose. A semicircular collet made of silk. Your entrance was known, people were aware when your presences lured them to stare. The puff of wind swept through your hair before it vanished into the forest to provoke the leaves.

Kiara, of course attended the gala. She didn't want to but, hearing that you were going made her thoughts change like a child. She saw you, all of you. Infatuated by your beauty, she wanted to pull you inside and kiss your lips. The agony of knowing you weren't hers haunted her as she pleaded with the universe to have one dance, with her true love. 

You were glowing and a smile was glued to your face. You blocked out the pain with the alcohol that JJ managed to sneak in, it was rich whiskey that would drown your sorrow after one gulp. 

"May I have this dance?" A tall, brownish hair boy tapped your shoulder. You simply nodded downing the whiskey as you puffed your hair up. Taking his hand you felt disgusted, it didn't feel right. His hands were soft like Kiara's, they were rugged. His palm was sweaty, but Kiara's palm was tender.

You missed her touch, missed her thumb gently brushing against your hand as she whispered sweet things in your ear. When the boy dipped you, your eyes were fixated on Kiara, she was looking at you. 

You quickly removed your eyes for her gaze meeting the strangers, you simply smiled. You didn't feel anything when you were dancing with him, he never said much nor even smiled. A twirl made you chuckle, but your heart made you angry. Another twirl surprised you as you let out a laugh, a laugh that wasn't loud, it was mellow. 

"I like your laugh." He stated, holding your waist as he pushed your body closer to his. You should be feel butterflies, not caterpillars. You should be luring him to kiss you but, you didn't. You stare at him, trying to find something to love, to kiss but there wasn't anything. 

The pain in your eyes as you nuzzled your head in his chest as the song dimmed, made you think of all the times you and Kiara would dance. It was slow nor romantic, it was upbeat and sexy. 

She taught you to twerk, grind and freestyle. You never got the hang of them but Kiara liked the way your body moved with the music. The way her hands mistakenly ended up on your hips as she guided you to her body. 

"I can't watch this... Pope, I can't fucking look." Kie pleaded as she went to stand beside Pope, who was working the party. 

Pope understood the pain of watching someone you loved, with someone else. He always hated when JJ would flirt with Tourons, just so he can score every nationality. 

"We can leave... we don't have to stay here." Pope reassured her placing his hand on her shoulder. 

"Why do we fall for people who always end up breaking our hearts?" Kie murmured as she looked at you, swaying your body with his. 

"Because we love the idea of them, they suck us in when we need them the most. They use our vulnerability for their self confidence. They don't know they are doing, but, it hurts." Pope whispered as he pulled Kie in for a tight squeeze, slowly moving her side to side. 

"As long as we have each other, we will be fine." Pope huffed as he noticed JJ walk up to them both, with a huge grin on his face. 

"Here we go..." Pope whispered as he forced a smile on his face. 

I never knew loving you would break my heart 

Kiara never saw you after midsummers, you didn't even hang out with the Pogues or attend the parties. You vanished from their lives, JJ was heart broken that his other half disappeared. They were both the crazy types when it came to parties. You were his pair in every drinking game and now, he had Pope. 

Pope was great but he couldn't even handle drinking Coke, let alone beer. Kiara wasn't there, she was present but her soul wasn't intwining with the others. She was barked against the tree, where you both shared your first kiss. The hammock that swayed behind her was the first time you said I love you's. 

If Kiara could take back the day she meant, knowing the outcome she wouldn't of gone there. She would have picked another girl who was here for the weekend. But you stood out, you weren't desperate for someone. You didn't even make yourself available to anyone, you simply hanged with JJ and got drunk. 

And that's how her body began to lure to yours, wanting to trap you in her embrace and never let you go. The alcohol that consumed them both, didn't even warn them about the consequences about the reality of two girls being in love. 

It wasn't your fault, nor hers. It was the world they lived in. It was toxic, cruel and unkind to humans like them. Kiara loved the world and always protected it, always recycled, managed to keep litter off the beaches and waters. 

The world should be thanking her, not tearing her apart. Why couldn't the world accept everyone? We are still the same people. Our hearts beat the same minutes, our brain works the same but, when it comes to loving another human.. why is there so many rules? Everyone should be allowed to love who they want to love, why couldn't they let them be in love? Why was loving you so hard?

[banetteartt]

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week 2021 is here!

February 21st - 27th

This is my first time making a post/participating in ASAW and I’m super excited! Also! I recognize that some of the terms I may use are not universally understood and that some people may be new to this entire thing so I will include definitions for any terms I use beneath everything^^

What is ASAW?

In the same vein as Pride Month, ASAW is a week dedicated to celebrating as well as spreading awareness & acceptance for those who identify as belonging to the Aromantic Spectrum!

You can read more about it and it’s establishment here: https://aromantic.lgbt/AAW

What is Aromanticism?

Aromanticism is the blanket name for a spectrum of romantic orientations which are characterized by little to no romantic attraction at all! However, it’s important to recognize that it is a spectrum united by not experiencing romantic attraction in the societal “standard” way; what it means to identify as aromantic can differ wildly between two aspec people. Aromantic people can be completely fine with romantic interactions, indifferent, totally repulsed, or any in-between! There are a ton of more specific identities that fall under the aromantic spectrum: Lithromantic, Grey-romantic, Aroflux, Quoiromantic, and tons more with even more micro-labels! Please note; aromanticism is distinct from choosing not to be in a relationship. We haven’t decided that we just don’t want to participate in romance, we inherently experience it differently.

My Aromantic Identity

Okay so I’m pretty open about my identity and belonging to the aromantic spectrum, but I’d like to offer just one perspective. Just to make it all clear: I generally identify as Aromantic Queer or Aromantic wlw!^^ I have several sonas that are canonically lithromantic, but I identify just as “Aromantic.” I typically am indifferent to romance/romantic interactions, but sometimes I swing between indifference and being completely repulsed by romantic interactions.

Growing up, I didn’t think anything of my aromanticism for a long time. Obviously media (at least in Western cultures, I can’t speak for other cultures) is INSANELY oversaturated with romance, and I had SEEN romance in movies and shows, but I mean there were also dragons and lightsabers in those movies so I never really thought it was weird that I wouldn’t relate to the romantic subplots. It was fiction and it was all produced, I didn't need to relate. 

Then suddenly, all my friends had crushes. People started dating in school. Everyone I communicated with just wanted to talk about some person they were interested in or how excited they were to be asked to some dance. I didn’t get it, and I started getting worried. You know how you kinda just assume that everyone experiences life the way you do for certain things? I just assumed that everyone felt the way I did about romance, but it was just a thing that people did and they were just better at playing the role than I was. I figured everyone was faking it til they made it. So when my friends would finish telling us about their crushes/relationships and would turn to me with, “What about you Ban? Who do you have a crush on?” I panicked, racked my brain for any guy in any class who was generally nice and said, “That one; I have a crush on that one.” 

It would be years of this point and choose technique until I would finally talk to a member of my school’s LGBT+ group and learn what it means to be “aromantic.” I cannot describe the relief I felt when I found out that, no, everyone isn’t just faking it til they made it, you’re just aromantic Ban. It would take me a few years of digging my feet into the ground against arophobia and self-consciousness before I would really come out as aromantic, but I have now and I have literally never felt more assured in any aspect of my identity than my aromanticism.

Do Aromantic People Date?

This is by far the question I get the most when I talk about aromanticism, but don’t feel bad if you were thinking it- I get why alloromantics ask this question and I don’t mind answering it! The honest answer is: it depends on the person. Sorry, that might not be the solid answer you wanted, but it's the true one. Of course, let me elaborate. In my experience, those on the aromantic spectrum may date only other aromantics, prefer queerplatonic life partners, or even be in romantic relationships with alloromantic people! The real keypoint is that dating often looks different to aromantic people than the social standard.

I have an alloromantic girlfriend! I’m happy in my relationship! However, the relationship was entirely instigated on her end and I explained to her in depth that I am aromantic and I can’t always be the romantic partner that society tells us we should be, and she understands that. I guess the takeaway here is really just: ask. If you have an aromantic person in your life and you’re curious, just ask them if they are open to dating or life partners. But respect their answer; and respect their choice to not tell you if they decide they don’t want to.

So Happy ASAW!

I’m so glad to have the opportunity to share my own story and to raise awareness! To close everything out; aromantic identities are essential to LGBT+ communities because our identities allow us as a whole to ask ourselves what relationships mean and can be in the same way that nonbinary individuals allow us to question what our genders mean and can be. People belonging to the aromantic spectrum aren’t broken, we don’t need to be fixed, and we can live our lives in the absence of romance just as happy and content as alloromantics can in their romantic relationships. We aren’t “late bloomers,” this isn’t a phase, and aro kids deserve just as much respect as aro adults. Someone who thinks that they are aromantic only to come to the conclusion later that they aren’t don’t “disprove” aromanticism the same way bisexual individuals who may find out they’re actually gay later don’t “disprove” the bisexual identity. If you belong to the aromantic spectrum and you’re reading this, I’d love to hear from you! Leave your story in the comments and we can really come together and celebrate our identities! Thank you so much for hearing me out^^

Terms

Lithromantic: romantic attraction without the desire for reciprocation

Grey-romantic: a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum; identifying with some elements of aromanticism or the aromantic spectrum, without identifying as solely aromantic

Aroflux: someone whose romantic orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the aromantic spectrum

Quoiromantic: not understanding or actively disidentifying with romance/romantic attraction/romantic orientation as sensible/applicable categories, personally; feeling that these categories are personally inaccessible, inapplicable, or nonsensical

Arophobia: a range of negative attitudes and feelings toward aromanticism or aromantic people

Alloromantic: the opposite of aromantic; a person who experiences romantic attraction or romantic desire in a clear, consistent, frequent enough manner to have no relationship to the aromantic spectrum

Queerplatonic: an umbrella expression to indicate that a relationship defies the divide between romantic partnership and "just" friends

[bookcub]

Ace Books Rated Against Me*

*unlike previous lists, I will be comparing to how much I related to and felt connected to the ace experience of the ace characters in the books, and rather celebrating ace rep I’ve been lucky enough to read 

(inspired by @anassarhenisch​ who requested this about a year ago lol)

Quicksilver by RJ Anderson- This was the first book I read with an ace protagonist. I admired Tori’s conviction in that she was ace (and there are times where I have the same assurance in my orientation) and also how unfit she felt with her peers, like she had a mask. Her uncertainty in wanting a romantic relationship resonated with me more than other protags, as she and I exist in the same fuzzy area between romantic and aromantic. Her speech about friendship made me tear up, and I wish for a friendship as special as the one she has. 

9/10  

We Awaken by Calista Lynn- The best parts of this book were about Victoria’s asexuality. Her freak out about being ace was so on point, you have no idea. Only misstep was how short it was, but that has more to do with timing in a book than anything. Also, the fact that someone else brought up the term to her and she didn’t discover it herself was exactly how my experience went. And as much as I love that she gets a romantic love interest who is also ace (whoot whoot), they move awfully fast, which I could never do. 

8/10

Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann- This book is a bit more dicey with me. Alice is much more adventurous than I am or will be. She also doesn’t trust herself. Many ace people have had sex to either, get it out of the way and see if they like it, or to please their partner. I liked seeing that part of the community represented but as someone who is sex repulsed, my experience is very different than a sex neutral ace. I’m also so glad she was biromantic, I still haven’t figured out romantic attraction but I’m super into aesthetic attraction of all genders. Alice also has some of my favorite quotes about being ace and her analogy about jogging is the best. 

8/10

How to Be a Normal Person by TJ Klune- I waited on this book because I knew I would love it, and I did!!! This was the romcom of aces I needed. I was as grumpy and lost as Gus, but as confident and loud as Casey. They believed each other and trusted each other and it was just beautiful. I liked that Gus never used a label and I liked how important Casey’s label was to his sense of the world and how neither were invalidated. 

9/10

Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee- Felicity is so apathetic, it’s hysterical. She’s like, this is me, deal with it. Her aceness is tied to her aroness, which is the case for many people, but the distance of the time period and class made it hard to relate to her. I actually would have liked her ace identity to play a larger part in the book, and not be so easily dismissed by Sim.

7/10 

Every Heart a Doorway by Seannn McGuire- Nancy literally not fitting into the world and also being ace was a wonderful metaphor. While there wasn’t much content on her being ace, I enjoyed how sure of herself she was and how she interacted with other people from the queer community, although not so much as queer allies, just generally supportive. 

8/10 

Immortal Code by Lilllian Clark- I picked up this book with no idea there was an ace character, but there was Reese!!! She referred to herself as acearo, which was new to me, but hey, language constantly changes, right? Her love story of her friends is lovely and meaningful. 

7/10

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee- I hope everyone gets a Tash book. Tash just fit with me. I adored her, and all her flaws lined up so well with mine. Her flawed mindset, her doubt, her emotions.. . .her experiences very much mirror my own. She deals with aphobia more, she has wants for a romantic relationship, but also completely lost on how to have one. She found the ace community online and connected to them there, as well as vocalizing how aces are part of the queer community. While she used words like “sexual” instead of “allosexual” and didn’t have other ace friends, found out in high school instead of college, her story all but felt like mine. 

10/10

I highly recommend these books and have linked my in depth reviews for most of them for more details on my thoughts on the novels. 

Vampires • Werewolves • Dragons • Aliens • Faerie • Portal Fantasies •  Dysopias • Angels/Demons  • Animal Companions  • Mermaids • Fictional Relationships  • Fictional Twins • Magic Schools

[molsno]

I’m skipping the middleman on that trans ask game and just answering all the questions myself <3

this is long so it’s under a read more

1. How did you choose your name?

in senior year of high school, while I was in french class, I was thinking about the word vivre, to live, and how it conjugated. I forget what tense it is, but one way of conjugating it is “nous vivions”, and it dawned on me that the name vivian is based on the word vivre (or its latin origin). of course, I already liked the name due to the character from paper mario ttyd, but knowing that it means life really spoke to me, as I think the ability to live is a precious thing that shouldn’t be wasted. I decided pretty much then and there that I would name my daughter vivian some day. well... then I got the chance to play a character in my friend’s danganronpa killing game, and I thought playing a girl would be interesting. granted, I also already knew I was an egg and saw this as an opportunity to try out my favorite name, so I created vivian tamochi. as you might have guessed, I loved being her so much that I made vivian my actual name

2. What gives you the most dysphoria?

um, hearing recordings of my own voice probably. I always think that I sound very feminine but then I hear a recording of myself and it sounds like a bad impression

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

more social I guess? actually yeah I think all of the dysphoria-induced breakdowns I’ve had have been because of social things

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

something that helps a lot is shaving, especially when it’s a fullbody shave

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

this is a bit embarrassing but it was honestly christmas eve 2018. I saw my little cousin (I think she was 8 at the time) wearing a pretty dress and I felt sort of jealous that I never got to do that when I was her age. I was so confused about this feeling that I told my trans friend kyra about it and after asking me to clarify what I meant she linked me to the egg_irl subreddit. that was the first time I seriously considered it

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

I told my friend amanda how I’d been confused about my gender and she offered to take me to goodwill to try on some clothes. I was extremely nervous about it while we were there and I really had to work up the courage to not only pick out some clothes to try, but also take them to the fitting room with me. but once I put on a skirt for the first time I stood there for like a solid 5 minutes just looking at myself in the mirror with the biggest happiest smile on my face. in that moment I finally understood what gender euphoria was. I couldn’t deny I was trans any longer, it was just a matter of working up the courage to tell people

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?

um, probably that I feel like a person now. also the little things, like seeing my hips get bigger or looking at how long my hair has gotten. just little things to smile about!

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

um, I’m girl <3

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

I mean it depends on who, but I decided to do it on national coming out day 2019, in my discord server with friends. basically I commented on it being national coming out day and reposted my intro in the introductions channel with my new name and pronouns. everyone there sorta saw it coming I’m pretty sure

10. What have your experiences been with packing or tucking?

I’ve tucked a few times in public. it’s uncomfortable for sure, but not terrible once you get used to it. the idea of it made me squeamish at first, I’ll admit. but since I haven’t had much excuse to go out in girlmode the past year or so, I haven’t tucked much

11. What are your experiences with binding or wearing breast forms?

the closest I’ve ever gotten to wearing breast forms is wearing a bra every day for..... almost a year now? it doesn’t serve much purpose other than letting me feel something there, though that is changing since I’ve been on hrt for several months

12. Do you pass?

I mean... probably not? I feel like I’m very visibly trans. there have been like two times where I’ve been gendered correctly in public (one in girlmode, one not) but those are extremely rare

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

well I’ve been on hrt for 8 months now so that’s one thing. I want to get laser hair removal for my facial hair because that’s one of the biggest sources of dysphoria for me, but yknow. that’s expensive! according to my understanding my insurance supposedly should cover bottom surgery, but I’m honestly in no rush to get that. I don’t really have much bottom dysphoria, but it would be nice to get surgery some day

14. How long have you been out?

it’s been about a year and two months now...... time flies

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

up until I was like 17 I was incredibly insistent on being cis and straight despite very obvious (in retrospect) signs to the contrary. around 18 I was very confused why all my friends were lgbt in some form and also I kinda started realizing I don’t mind dick, and I thought it would all make sense if I was bi. I identified as cis and bi for like 4 years or so but the longer it went on the more wrong it felt considering I had never once during that time been attracted to a man

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?

surprisingly not really? the most transphobia I’ve experienced has been a result of automated processes like proctored testing or emails. of course, I’ve seen all the nasty shit that terfs say about people like me, but I’ve never been a victim of it directly

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

if there is a universal restroom that I can lock from inside then I use that. if not, I sigh dramatically and sadly use the men’s room

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

truthfully I don’t know. my mom seems accepting enough, but with the pandemic going on I haven’t talked to her much. I know my sister is aware, and shockingly she seems supportive too, but we haven’t talked about it in depth

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

if I could go stealth I would. I’m sorry but I don’t want to be visibly trans

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

the sooner you start transitioning the happier you’ll be. by denying this part of yourself you’re just making yourself miserable

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?

she/her makes me happiest. I’ve (against my will, mind you) used they/them and been called molsno in a group that I wasn’t out in, and..... it made me feel..... distant, I guess? it was better than he/him, but it felt much less personal

22. Do your neurodivergencies and/or disabilities affect your gender?

I mean...... yeah? as a trans lesbian it’s very easy for me to hate masculinity given how it’s instilled nothing but negative feelings in me literally my entire life, and being autistic makes it harder to understand how the things I say about gender negatively impact the people around me

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

the fear that I may never be able to believe I can be loved as a woman, probably

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

coming out nearly everywhere and getting on hrt!

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

I desperately wish cis people understood even the basics of trans issues. still to this day many cis people don’t even know the right terminology to use for trans people. they think “trans man” and “trans woman” mean the opposite of what they actually mean and that’s just so goddamn frustrating. many of them think transitioning is just bottom surgery and that’s it. like, they don’t know anything about hrt. cis people please educate yourselves on trans issues I’m begging you

26. What impact has being trans had on your life?

it’s affected many aspects of my life but I think the biggest one is that I feel like a person now. I always felt like a robot, or like someone putting on a performance before, but I feel like a human being now

27. What do you do to validate yourself?

ummm... not much really. I guess one thing that has helped is making my character astrid trans? because if I ever think something bad about myself I can stop myself and ask if I would think the same thing about her, and of course the answer is no.

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?

it’s bad. trans women very rarely get any positive representation. like the only transfem characters that come to mind that I think were handled well were lily hoshikawa from zombieland saga and vivian from paper mario (although even that’s debatable given the english censorship about her gender and the way beldam abuses her in japanese). meanwhile nonbinary representation consists almost exclusively of aliens, shapeshifters, robots, etc. and trans men get literally nothing. like. trans representation is just so abysmal it’s not even funny

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

umm....... I don’t really care about celebrities lol. if I were to answer this question it would be “oh yes I’ve heard of these people”

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

gosh, how could I ever decide? most of my friends are trans so it’s hard to say but if I had to answer.... my friends kyra and modeus were probably the most helpful when I was figuring myself out

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

mostly online

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

I’ll almost certainly still be a woman, and hopefully my transition will have gone well enough that I’ll be able to pass

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?

healthcare. the difficulty so many people face with getting access to trans healthcare is ridiculous and discriminatory. I’ve written essays for school about this topic and they were the easiest essays I’ve had to write because of how passionate I am about this

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

pick your head up queen/king/royal, your cat ears are falling down

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

well I’m white, able bodied, average weight, and I’m about to get a degree in computer science, so I have a lot of privilege that other trans people don’t have. I fully recognize that. it breaks my heart that so many less privileged trans people, particularly trans women of color, are murdered and never even get the justice they deserve. I wish there was more I could do to stop it, but privileged as I am, I’m only one person. I want everyone to be aware of who the major victims of transphobia are. look out for black trans women especially, they need your protection and support most of all

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

not much. I’m a woman with a very feminine gender expression, when I’m free to be. the biggest feminine thing that I don’t do is makeup, but that’s more due to dysphoria rather than a distaste for it

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

feminine uwu

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I am a lesbian and that is very epic of me. I love girls and seeing girls in love makes me happy and imagining myself as a girl in love with another girl makes me even happier

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

I always hate admitting this, but due to personal reasons, my ideal partner is cis. this is mostly because I very much want to have biological children, and that’s simply not possible with another trans woman. I wouldn’t rule out an afab nonbinary person entirely, it just really depends on how comfortable said person is with femininity and also how they feel about dating a lesbian. if not for my desire to have kids (which is not something I’m willing to compromise on since it has been my lifelong dream) I would have a lot more options. truth be told, cis women kind of scare me, and it would be so much easier to date someone who fundamentally understands what it’s like to be trans. but biology is cruel unfortunately

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

it was incredibly difficult. thankfully, it didn’t last very long. I only had to wait about 6 months, and most of that time was spent waiting until I was able to bank sperm because I didn’t want to risk becoming permanently infertile after starting hrt

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

ngl...... reddit. the trans boards have many, many helpful resources for transfem people. I don’t really go there anymore but it was immensely helpful in the early stages

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I mean..... yeah, but not very much anymore on account of the pandemic. I made a few trans friends junior year of college and we still talk occasionally, but it’s been several months since I last saw them all

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

not really 😔

44. Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

“Wow Vivi how come you’re so epic?”

I was born this way <3

[talkingsong]

It really do be like that sometimes.

I watched a memes video before this reading I’m sorry

They say astrology is the map of your life- everything that occurs within it can be explained by the stars. Today, July 25th, 2019, I’ve channeled messages for each zodiac sign. To read yours, simply scroll down, find your sun, moon, or rising sign, and read. Even if it isn’t July 25th when you read this, whatever message you see is the message designed especially for you, however the timing ends up working out.

ARIES

Don’t feel guilty for having the things that you have. Gratitude is a debt repaid for the gifts that you’ve received- if you didn’t deserve them, then you wouldn’t have gotten them. I feel like you guys have finally manifested what you want (or part of what you want) and that it has to do with physical items and material things, mostly. Get over your feeling that you getting what you want is unfair to others. Your ego is getting in the way. You’ve been communicating with the universe and it has been communicating with you- there is a current equal give and exchange between you and the universe. Cherish it in a self-less way. Find beauty in the connection rather than the fact that it’s YOU connecting with IT, if that makes sense. 

TAURUS

Let go of your dependency on yourself. You will get much further if you allow other people into your plan and partner up to get things done. Rest when you’re alone- but understand that work is when you're with others. Achieve this balance and your bright future is already manifested. 

Also, don’t oversmother your projects. Your progress is like taking care of a plant- water it once, leave it in direct sunlight for two hours twice a week. Sunlight is your attention. Water is the emotion and thought and intention that you put into your projects. Don’t drown the plant in either. 

GEMINI

C’mon Geminis, you big, lumpy blobs of confusion and inner conflict. Your guides are pushing you to actually communicate with someone. Open up! Tell them what’s wrong! Even if you don’t want them to know or even if it’s hard, you need to in order to move forwards in your life. If someone asks you how you’re feeling, don’t just answer “fine.” If someone asks you what’s wrong, don’t just say “I’m tired.” Your partner or your friends or family have noticed that you aren’t as present as you usually are and you need to give them a reason, please and thank you.

Your guides are also pushing you to do something that they’re saying they’ve been telling you to do for a while now and you’re not doing it. They’re sending a gentle but firm reminder to get your ass in gear and start doing what you’re meant to. Gët gôīńg.

CANCER

This is about romance for some of you. Your guides are saying choose from the heart! Your logic marks the stepping stones for you to take your dreams into reality. So know that things are about to start moving really really fast and the things that you’ve been wanting are coming up quickly, don’t be stuck in that beginners energy. Pick the path you wanna go down, know that you can change it if you want down the line, but pick decisively and head down it! For those of you wondering: Yes, this man is the one that you’re meant to start a relationship with at this time. Have fun you two! Ahh.... use protection, I guess!

LEO

Add more humor into your life, dude. I understand that there’s a shit ton of energy going on here and you're thinking about a lot, but make room for some joking around, yeah? You’re in the process of finding what it is that you truly believe. And you’re starting to find what you want to protect and defend in your life going forward. I see you becoming an activist for something important to you, something that you’ve experienced at some point in your life that effected you strongly. It’s your time to follow a higher path and understand what that whole experience really was about. There’s a quote here that I’ll hope helps you, because I don’t really have much else to say considering this is more of a journey for the individual-

 “Basically, we are all responsible for the preservation of our personal joy; but happiness is different. Joy is not circumstantial, happiness is. You can be depressed and still have joy. You can be suicidal and still have joy. We all stop thinking and we all stop talking and we all stop sharing and we all stop creating, because by doing any of these things we quickly find out just how unhappy we are. But that's okay. That's normal. Don't let the fear of unhappiness cripple your pursuit of finding what it is you believe. Since joy is found in belief, we all have to push through unhappiness to find joy. Basically.” ― Tyler Joseph

Hope this helps.

VIRGO

Ayyyyy, Virgos! Y’all are my people. I mean, I’m not a virgo, but like.... We get each other, y’know? Anyways-

I feel like you’re starting to call in more of your tribe. You’re attracting more friends and people into your life that actually love and care about you and build you up, and vice versa. I feel like you’re getting more genuine connection with your own intuition and emotion and spirituality as well. Continue on your path trusting yourself and those around you completely, and success is basically guaranteed. 

LIBRA

Don’t overanalyze the options, you have a better choice. You need to confront whatever problem or issue that you’ve been avoiding, because you ignoring it is blocking you and your progress. To turn this around, make sure to stop procrastinating and just make a decision already. 77 might be an important number to you, or angel number 877.

SCORPIO

In the past you’ve been through a lot, especially with friend groups and drama, and because of it you’ve transformed into a more beautiful person. You now have the experience needed to plan your future accordingly because of what happened in the past and what you’ve learned from it. Trust yourself and stay devoted to the future you! Go ahead and get involved in any creative endevours that you’ve been thinking about taking and listen to your advice from your inspiration and your heart. You go, girl. 

SAGGITARIUS

I feel like you’ve just completed some cycle or battle of sorts, and are currently in the limbo waiting period for something else to happen. I want you to know that all of the fear and the worry that you feel about the future is not something that you should be focused on. It’s distracting you from the magical opportunities coming your way and you need to redirect your attention to something more positive with the mindset of, “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.” Let your intuition and faith guide you along your journey to the next stage in your life. I can assure you that more opportunities and more amazing things than you realize are waiting for you on the other side. Keep you head held high, my friend. 

CAPRICORN

There’s unfairness in some aspect of your life, and you’re being called to balance out what you feel isn’t right. Let go of things that aren’t serving you- moreover, let go of things where you aren’t serving anyone else, including yourself. You need to start taking new things and new changes into consideration with little regard of a comfort zone. You’ve been recently stuck in your judgements and your old ways of thinking, and it’s time that you break free. No rush, though- your guides are only asking you to gently bring your attention to the unfairness in your life currently, and to take action as you see fit.

AQUARIUS

You’re getting your universal rewards, babyyyyy. As far as internally, you’ve manifested your own happiness in the form of hope, optimism, faith, empowerment, relief, growth, healing, yada yada. Externally you’re recieving job offers and new cars and travel and basically just all that good shit that you’ve been working on manifesting, my friend. This is your reward for being so dedicated and hardworking, especially through sticking with things even when times get tough. Out of all the groups, you guys have an extremely good week, month, year ahead of you. Take care!

PISCES

Okay, so I’m going to start this off by saying that I feel for most if not all of you, this message has something to do with your identity. Specifically for some, gender identity, especially if you’re transitioning to being female. I feel like you’ve had powerful epiphanies about who you are and what you’re to do from having terrible, ten-of-swords type experiences in the past. With the growth that you’re having, you're starting to understand the truth of your situation and changing your perspective on everything that you went through in the past, and I feel like you’re finally starting to feel liberated and powerful enough to take action. There’s such a powerful energy here for you, Pisces, and everything around you is changing. Everything you touch turns to gold. You’re growing wings. I can’t communicate how powerful this growth energy is. I feel that it all sprouted from alone time- taking a night to sit and think of things that you haven’t thought about in a while and address and finally confront the things that you feel threatened by- or, by confronting hidden subconscious feelings that you didn’t even know you had. You’re embracing your femininity, your water side, your intuition and the deeper depths of your body, mind and soul. I’m just hearing, “you know where to go now.” 

It’s like you’re in control now of the waves that used to drag you down, and you’re re-crowning yourself as the master of the sea, a title you rightfully deserve. 

My point is, you’ve learned so many lessons from this and you’ve been undergoing so many growth-spurts- you get to choose what to do with the power you possess. Choose wisely, Pisces. You can’t make a wrong choice. 

Blessings. 

[ultradiplr]

The Beast

A Vampire!Sigma/Reader fanfiction.

Plot: You awaken the beast inside of Lord Siebren.

Tags: Masks. Claws. Fangs. Oh my! Manipulation. Masturbation. Blood. Mention of death/killing. Reader is gender neutral. Sigma almost does a yikes but I promise he never ever will in my fics.

A/N: Okay! So I know this promised a “romantic“ fic but but the build up ended up being pretty long and important so I’m cutting this b up. This will definitely get a continuation, so treat it as a sort of part one.

Xx

The Carnival masquerade was in full swing in the castle. The esteemed guests, drunk with merriment as they celebrated the beginning of Lent. You on the other hand was very much sober, running around in a ridiculous black and white outfit identical to the other servers, white and gold rabbit masks and all, trying to serve the increasingly inebriated crowd as best you could.

Running around the floor, trying to avoid stepping or tripping on the massive, ornate clothing worth more than what you made in a lifetime was an awful task, especially with a tray full of open drinks and food. It was inevitable that you’d trip and fall and offend a lord or lady by staining their clothes, or that you’d ruin your own in the process, so you hoped that when it happened you’d be shown mercy. Until then you tried your damnedest to be quick and careful.

But alas, you were too quick, and not careful enough and ran straight into the chest of a guest at full force with a full tray of red wine on your way from the kitchen back to the ballroom, causing a loud crash as you fell to the floor with the heavy metal pan and broken glasses.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” You apologize panicky as you scramble to clean up the accident, trying to absorb the expensive liquid with the meager towel you had and collecting the shards of the fine crystal cups. “Please forgive me, my lord.” your voice wavered, a million different scenarios playing out in your head and how you’d be punished..

“It’s alright, my dear, it was an accident.” You hear the man say above as you kneeled in your mess.

“No, no, it’s not, I should have been mor- ow.” You cut your hand on a piece of glass as you try to continue apologizing.

You whimper with tears beginning to prick in your eyes as you put your mouth to it, still trying to clean with one hand licking away the blood that formed there. You thought you were prepared for this to happen but now that it did you could feel nothing but stress and panic. You still try to gather up the glass one handed, but you’re getting overwhelmed.

“Did you hurt yourself, liefste?” You’re taken aback when you hear his voice so close, and you look up to see he has bent down closer to you.

You’re frozen for a moment, looking at the intricately detailed mask, modeled off of the night sky and sparkling with tiny jewels, constellations and planets adorn the face on a deep black base, so dark you can’t even see the light hit it. The white and gold details coming together to point the viewer towards his eye where they pierced from the depth of black, sparkling like fine ruby jewels. Your breath is taken a little gazing into them and feeling of calm covers you, forgetting for a moment why you were so worked up.

 “Your hand?” He asks in a rich, sweet tone that makes your muscles feel all warm, holding out a gloved hand for you to take.

Your hand slips from your mouth into his light hold, and you watch placidly as he takes it to examine, not questioning the lack of warmth from his own even as it causes goosebumps to erupt on your skin. You whimper when he thumbs the cut slightly, causing a few drops of blood to stain the blue fabric of his gloves, turning them into a deep purple.

“We need to get this bandaged, klein konijntje, least it get infected.” He says, and his eyes are darker when he looks back up at you.

You nod, and stand with him, a little voice in the back of your mind reminding you of the mess, of the guests waiting for their wine, of your boss and the trouble you’d be in not asking for permission to leave first. But your body is deaf to those voices, your body is numb to everything as he pulls you into his side, his hand still holding your bleeding one as the other wraps around your shoulder, covering you with the warmth of his cloak.

You feel strangely relaxed as he holds you close and leads you somewhere you don’t know, through corridors you know you’re not allowed through, further and further from the light and sounds of the grand ball, and deep and deeper into the cool castle. Eventually he leads you into the physician’s office, a place you definitely were never allowed in, though you’re unsure how he was able to with the way you took… come to think of it, you couldn’t actually remember any of the directions he lead you.

You must be tired… from the party… exhausted from the high stress… yes…. You were tired.

He helps you easily onto a table in the middle of the room and holds out your hand. You notice his glove is heavily strained with your blood, small blotches of purple covering his palm and fingers as he holds your hand so gently. You hiss when you feel the medicine dabbed gently onto your small wound, making a small shush come from under his masked face before he gently wraps a firm bandage around it.

“All better now, little rabbit.” He coos, large cold fingers petting over the bandages. 

His eyes look much too bright in the meekly lit room, piercing and cold, the goosebumps on your skin still have not dissipated, and now looking at him a shiver runs up your spine. You swallow thickly and try to collect your thoughts, suddenly very hard to think. His clean hand comes up to your mask, fingers lightly running over it, threatening to lift it. You feel something sharp under the soft, thin fabric of his glove as it grazes your skin ever so slightly, his nails drawing a smooth line to your face to caress you neck tenderly. 

You whimper again, feeling yourself flush, but something about this isn’t right, his eyes, his hands, his skin, they’re all wrong somehow, and when he makes to lean over you, your hands come up without thinking and pushes him away.

He seems as surprised as you are by that, and he snatches his hands away from you, taking several steps back. It feels like something is lifted from your shoulders as he creates space, and your brain feels less fuzzy.

“Th-thank y-ou, my lord.” You say, the words feeling sluggish and strained on your tongue, like you haven’t talked in a long time, “I sh-should re-return to the party.”

The reality of where you are is slowly setting in, and so is the anxiety. You shake and hold your head, trying to clear it. When you look up at him he’s looking at you, his eyes now dull and soft, and… scared? He looks away from you, gripping one hand to the other, like he was stopping himself from touching you. He looked incredibly tense, shaking ever so slightly, and when his eyes meet your again, there is a sort of pain inside you can’t quiet place.

“Yes, you should” He says suddenly very serious yet unsure, as he steps back toward you.

His hands, big and strong, finds and rests on your hips, and you blush under your mask. You hadn’t really thought about them before. You hadn’t thought about him at all while he was leading you around. He was a very large man. Very large. Tall and Broad, though his body hidden by the cloak he wore. It was intriguing. It was terrifying. How had you let him trap you in a room alone with him?

He helps you down before ushering you gently toward the door “I am very thankful, my lord.” You say quickly, you mind feels clear and your strength is coming back to you.

“SIebren, It is Siebren.” His voice is tinted with a wavy severity as he gently pushing you out into the quiet hallway, alone, “Now, you should run along before someone comes looking for you.”  he begins to close the door behind you.

“Are you not returning to the ball, Lord Siebren?” You ask looking up at what little you could see of him.

“I am feeling a bit ill, I think I will stay here for a little while longer.” he says quickly, his voice becoming strained.

“Should I get someone to help y-” You take a step toward him and he closes the door firmly in your face.

“I will by fine, I just need rest, please, run along.” It sounds like he just grits that out through his teeth, and you could swear you hear him groan a little.

You stand outside, biting your lip, unsure of what to do. If he needs help, shouldn’t you offer it? He helped you after all. But then again, he had told you to return to your duties, and they are probably looking for you. But then again… You sigh and shake your head, turning to walk back to the main hall, whichever way that was.

---

Siebren rested his head against the door, groaning as he still could smell you so easily, standing just a few measly inches from him, with only the thick wood protecting you from him. He clenched his eyes closed and tensed his body, forcing himself to still as he waited and begged internally for you to just leave. 

It felt like eternity when you did, the soft patter of your shoes against the carpet dying off as you got further from him, though your scent still lingered heavily in the air. 

He sighed out the breath he was holding and relaxed, clean hand coming up to his face under the mask to pinch at the bridge of his nose to relieve the tension in his brain. It had been a long time since his affliction had flared so badly, and an even longer time since he’d actually tried to feed on a human. 

His stomach turned thinking about it, how he had used his powers to manipulate you, to calm you and get you alone, preparing you to be fed on, only to be saved by the will of the lord and your reflexive shock at feeling his claws on your skin. 

He knew he should have left the party as soon as it became late and scurried off to drink the sheep blood he uses to keep the hunger at bay in the privacy of his own keep, but no, he had to stay, had to have one last drink, have one last conversation, to see the king one last time.

Idioot. Idioot. He was pushing it, he knew it, and now look what he almost did! If he had just left he wouldn’t be here now, starving, aching, craving, locking himself away until he was sure he would not seek out and harm you. He felt on the precipice of a frenzy, and all because of a little cut and a few drops of blood!

He threw his mask down, sweating in the heat of it and the clothes he wore, hand running through his hair as the other clawed at the door. His body was being wracked with an unnatural heat, almost like he was alive again, almost like he had warm blood pumping through him, and he didn’t know how to process it.

It’d been so, so, so long since he’d been so close to human blood, the coppery sweet smell so distinctly human, so distinctly alive and fresh and warm, no animal could compare to it, and his body craved it so highly. Like the monster he was.

When he saw you lick your hand, clearing it away, hogging it so greedily, God, he felt a jealousy he could not describe. His mind had focused so much at that little motion that the only thing he could think of was devising a way to have his own taste. And that was what he was planning to do, to patch you up so you’d not spill another drop, and to take every last ounce of it from you for himself. And lord, he came so close, so damn close.

He punched the door, leaving a sizable crack from his strength, frustrated at himself for not doing it and at the same time for even trying in the first place. His mind was racked by conflicted feelings and his body was still warm.

He huffed loudly, trying to figure this all out. Trying to calm himself. He needed a release from all this energy. He needed something to calm him down until he could safely leave the castle. He needed… you...

He looked at his blood stained glove and a desperate thought filled his mind, one that immediately filled him with shame. Slowly, like he was trying to deny what he was doing, he brought his hand to his face, and inhaled deeply, groaning at the sweet smell of your blood so close to his face. His mouth watered but his throat felt dry as he opened his lips and carefully slipped a blood stained finger in.

He shut his eyes tightly, revolted with himself morally, but physically excited at the exquisite taste that hit his tongue, sweet, salty copper human blood, richer than any other kind. It lit a fire within him, a dangerous one, one that he knew he needed to extinguish soon. He moaned as his teeth grabbed into the glove, letting his hand slip from it and brace against the door, it too being marked by your blood.

His claws cling tightly to the already splitting wood as his other reached for his crotch, already half hard from finally tasting you. He needed to tire himself out, he told himself, but he knew this was just another sign of how much of a monster he was, hungering for you in every way.

He moaned around the fabric in his mouth as his hand slipped into his pants, gnawing on the strong fabric as his teeth sought flesh. He felt himself, hot and solid in his slack grip, as he teased himself to complete hardness, burying his head into the crook of his elbow. He pulled on himself, the costume giving him enough room to work with, as a string of moans were pulled from his chest with ever smooth stroke. It’d been so long, so long. 

His mind made images dance in his head, of finding you right now and dragging you into the dark, of touching you, of tasting you. Your legs wrapped around his head, your hands pulling against his hair, of you coming undone underneath him in a bid to get you more relaxed, to get your blood nice and warm and pumping. Of holding you up against a wall, so short, so small, so eager, as he slowly enters you.

He pants as his grip tightens a little, the smooth fabric of his glove getting wet with his precum and letting him slide easily in his fist.

You’d be so tight, a little human compared to the great big monster he was, begging and crying for something you didn’t even know, clinging onto him for dear life. A meal all for him, begging for him to eat, to take, to devour. He’ll fuck into you so hard, so fast, like the animal he was, covering you with bites, making you bleed, playing with his food.

He can feel himself almost there, almost, his breathing is hard, and the only sound in the room is the sick wet slaps of his hard cock rutting into his tight fist. He whines as he sucks on the fabric in his mouth, the meager taste of you not enough and yet everything he needs.

He’d make you cum over and over, until your body is nothing but a limp ragdoll for him to use, until you can do nothing but beg him to eat you up, to take all thats left, because you’re so very thankful for him making you feel so good. And then he’ll bend down and kiss your pulse, fangs slipping as easily into you as his cock does.

He’ll drink from you as he completes, holding you close, feeling the warmth leave your body as he’s wracked by a pleasure unparalleled by anything else.

He shakes his head, his stomach flipping at the idea, tears prickling in his eyes, he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want that! He wants… he wants…. He thinks hard as he feels himself approaching the end, trying to overpower the sick beast inside him. His cock is hot and wet in his hand, and his fangs have finally punctured the fabric into his own lip, causing himself to bleed.

He wants to drink from you, to taste the source of this wonderful flavor. To feel you moan and mewl around him, your hot wet heat enveloping him and taking him. He wants you to accept him, all of him, and to bend your neck for him willingly. He wants to feel you shiver as he takes what he needs, and he wants to pull back to see you still warm and glowing with life.

“Thank you.” He says on a broken voice, spilling inside you as you still live, still breath, and still clench out him.

“Everything for you.”

The sound of your voice fills his head and he cums ropes into his fist and the pants of his costume, his body overflowing with that unnatural heat that for a moment almost makes him feel alive again. He gulps on air, shivering, shaking, as his body is wracked with conflicting feels again. Of relief, of dread, of hope, of sorrow, of energy, and total relaxation. 

He slumps against the door as his body cools to it’s normal ice cold temperature and pulls his cum covered hand from his pants, grimacing at the evidence of what he’d just done. He spits the glove in his mouth out, the blood having been washed around by the copious amounts of drool on it, and wraps it around the other before wrapping the whole thing in a handkerchief. Out of sight, out of mind. 

As his sane mind returns to him for now, he straightens what he can, and snatched up his mask again, pulling his cloak tightly around him as he steps out from the room, hoping nobody questions the marks he left on the back of the door.

The decent man in him wanted to apologize to you for what he thought of you and almost did to you, but he knew now wasn’t the best time… or maybe ever. He slipped out the back of the castle and collected his personal carriage, starting off toward his own keep, tired beyond belief.

It wasn’t until he was of sound mind again before daybreak, having drank enough sheep’s blood to satiate him, that he realized.

He’d never caught your name.