#as far as i know/have encountered there isn’t anything that can hurt me in this game

[limewatt]

they weren’t lying that horror sure can scary

[jetii]

Event Horizon

Pairing: Rex x Jedi!Reader / Rex x fem!reader

Tags/Warnings: romance, angst, action/adventure, hurt/comfort, themes of grief/death/mourning, strangers to friends to lovers, mutual pining, forbidden romance, eventual smut, named!reader, minor Obi-Wan x Reader

Summary: Your entire life, you’ve struggled to be the perfect Jedi your Master saw in you. When the rumored rise of the Sith threatens to throw the entire galaxy into turmoil, you’re left scrambling to hold onto the teachings that have begun to feel increasingly hollow. It isn’t until a fateful encounter with a clone soldier called Rex, and the feelings that he stirs within you, that you begin to question everything you’ve ever known. (Post!TPM → Post!Order 66)

A/N: This is definitely a first for me, but I’ve been obsessed with this idea for a while and needed to get it out. I have about 22 chapters written so far, and I think it’ll be 40ish total? Plenty of drama, action, yearning, and some humor to come. Rex will show up soon, gotta set the stage a little first.

If you’d like to be notified when I post new chapters please join my taglist or leave a comment. There’s a new question for tag preferences now. 💙

Chapter One: Everything Burns

Chapter WC: 3,741

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Naboo, 32 BBY

They waited until nightfall to light the pyre.

The light, the heat of it, was nearly too much to bear, but you forced yourself to keep your eyes forward. To watch as the flames climbed higher and higher, smoke licking the top of the dome, ash and embers drifting like the stars overhead, as the body of Master Qui-Gon Jinn turned to dust.

You feel something burning within your own chest and press a fist against it. The pain of losing a friend, of watching his body go up in smoke and flame, was one you'd known too well before, and would likely know again, many times over.

It still hurts.

Through the flames, you can just make out the shape of the young man across from you. Obi-Wan. He'd barely spoken since his Master's death at the hands of that Sith. Had barely even met your eyes. It's as if he's shut down completely, his emotions all carefully tucked away, locked behind a door, hidden deep beneath the surface.

Your eyes meet briefly, and you can see the tears on his cheeks, glistening in the firelight.

A part of you aches for him, and for yourself, too. For the pain of the loss, and the uncertainty of what would come next. You knew from your Master that Qui-Gon had tried to warn the Council about the Sith, but that they had refused to listen. What will happen now, you wonder, that the Sith had returned? Will the Jedi accept the truth?

As you look away, you see Obi-Wan do the same. His gaze drifts to the ground, his hands curled into fists at his sides. The boy standing silent next to him notices and puts a hand on his arm. Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon's new Padawan, now Obi-Wan's responsibility.

When you hear Obi-Wan sniffle, you force your feet to move. Ignoring the watchful eyes of the Council members in attendance, your own noticeably absent, you slowly round the pyre until you're on his other side where he can't see you. You stand there, close enough to feel the heat from the flames, but not so close as to be uncomfortable.

"It wasn't your fault," you tell him quietly.

Your fingers brush his. You don’t expect him to return the gesture, and he doesn’t. Not for several long, agonizing moments. And then you feel it, his fingertips, brushing yours.

Your eyes dart toward him, but he's still looking away. Still, his hand shifts, his palm pressing against yours. The only sign that he is acknowledging your presence at all, the only sign he feels anything beyond the nothingness he forces himself to affect.

You’d always believed Obi-Wan to be infallible, perfect in the eyes of the Order, the perfect student. The perfect Jedi. He's always been two steps ahead of you, two steps ahead of everyone, always a witty quip at the ready, always knew the answer when called on, always followed the rules, always the one you admired the most. Even now, he's trying so hard to stay calm, to be the perfect Jedi.

You’d argued about it, before he left for Naboo. He had accused you of being jealous. He'd been right.

You envied his natural skill, his ability to stay cool and collected even when you couldn't. He was so calm, so rational, everything a Jedi was supposed to be, everything you were not, and you had let it get in the way. You had let it push you further apart, until you had lost the closeness you'd once shared.

It wasn’t until he left, until you heard about the death of his Master, that you realized just how badly you'd misjudged him. He is not infallible. He is not the perfect Jedi. He is not, despite all appearances, the ideal of calm. He is only a man, doing his best, doing what he believes is right, and failing, just like the rest of you. And though you had tried, you had never really succeeded at staying mad at him, either.

Now, standing beside him, you want to comfort him, to hold him and tell him that everything will be okay. But it isn't true. It won't be. Because nothing will ever be okay again, not after this.

So instead, you just stand there, letting your hand rest in his, and you try to think of anything else you could say.

The funeral comes to an end, and the pyre is left to burn itself out. You allow yourself to watch as the fire dies down, until nothing remains but a pile of ashes. The others are leaving, the Council members going off together to no doubt discuss what was to come next. You don’t see your Master among them. Her small form is nowhere to be seen, and you can't help the pang of betrayal you feel at her absence.

Where was she? Yaddle had told you she'd be here. She'd promised.

As the last of the flames flickered out, Obi-Wan takes a shuddering breath, and slowly, reluctantly, lets go of your hand.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs.

"For what?"

"I didn't mean what I said, before," he says, finally turning his head to look at you. His eyes are red, and his cheeks are tear-stained, and you wish more than anything that he didn’t have to go through this. "About...about you."

You turn to face him, surprised. You hadn't expected an apology, especially not after so much time had passed. And after what he'd been through.

"Oh." You hesitate, unsure how to respond.

Obi-Wan is already looking away, his eyes on the ashes of the pyre.

"It's fine," you assure him, reaching out to brush his arm, trying to draw his attention back to you. "I shouldn't have...I mean, I did say some things I didn't really mean either."

Obi-Wan looks like he wants to argue, but the words die on his lips. Instead, he nods, and looks away, his expression unreadable.

“I’m sorry about Qui-Gon,” you say quietly.

He flinches. You can see his jaw working, the muscles tensing and releasing, as he clenches his teeth. When he finally speaks, his voice is strained.

"Thank you," he replies, his voice thick with emotion. “He’s part of the living Force now.”

You nod, and look away, down at the ashes. You try to remember Qui-Gon, the light in his eyes, the warmth of his smile, the sound of his voice. You wonder if, somewhere, he is smiling down at his former Padawan. You hope, for Obi-Wan's sake, that he is.

A breeze picks up, rustling the leaves in the trees. Obi-Wan's gaze goes unfocused as he stares into the distance. After a moment, he clears his throat, and looks over at Anakin. The boy is staring into the remains of the fire, a blank look on his face. He must have felt Obi-Wan looking at him, because he turns and meets his eyes.

"We should go," Obi-Wan says, glancing back at you. "Anakin needs rest."

"And so do you," you say, looking pointedly at him.

His lips twitch, not quite a smile, but a hint of one. It fades as quickly as it comes, and he is once again the picture of stoicism, his expression blank and distant.

"Yes, well, I'll rest when I can," he replies. "But not before I see to Anakin."

"I can help, if you need."

Obi-Wan's eyebrows raise, and for a moment you worry you've overstepped. You'd barely spoken in months, and the last thing you want is for him to think you're trying to push yourself back into his life, especially after all the arguing.

But then, to your surprise, he nods.

"That would be appreciated," he says. "Thank you."

The tension between you dissipates. You can see his shoulders relax a bit, his expression soften. For the first time, you can see the fatigue etched on his features, the bags under his eyes, the lines around his mouth. You want to tell him to get some rest, but you can tell by the look in his eyes that it's not going to happen.

"It's no problem," you assure him instead. “I may not be great at being a Jedi, but younglings I can handle."

His mouth quirks upward, but there's a sadness in his eyes, a weariness, that gives you pause.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He shakes his head and sighs. "It's just...I wish we could have talked like this, before."

You watch as the last of the ashes blow away on the breeze, and then look over to Obi-Wan.

"I know. I'm sorry. I was..." You pause for a moment, choosing your words carefully, then you shrug a shoulder. "Well, I wasn't very nice."

"No, you weren't," he agrees. "But I wasn't, either."

You glance over, and catch him smiling faintly, a hint of the Obi-Wan you'd grown up with peeking through the facade. You find yourself smiling, too, a small, sad little smile.

"I suppose we'll just have to be better in the future, won't we?"

Obi-Wan hums.

"Perhaps," he replies, but he doesn't seem convinced.

"Master Yaddle said the Council is going to discuss the matter of the Sith," you say. "Maybe we'll know more soon."

Obi-Wan nods, but doesn't say anything. There's a heavy weight on his shoulders, and the lines of his face are drawn tight, as if he is trying very hard to hold himself together.

You feel the urge to reach out, to take his hand and hold it. You can't, of course, not in front of Anakin. It wouldn't be proper. And Obi-Wan, despite the fact that he's only just a few years older than you, is technically a Master now. And not just to a Padawan, but the Chosen One, a prophesized being destined to bring balance to the Force.

So you just stand there, feeling helpless, and wishing you could do something, anything, to make him feel better.

“Where is Master Yaddle, by the way?" Obi-Wan asks, frowning. It's a question you've been asking yourself for hours, and you have no answer.

"I don't know," you admit. "She said she'd be here, but I haven't seen her. She never got on the transport, as far as I know."

Obi-Wan's expression darkens, and he frowns, his brows furrowing. "That's odd."

"It is."

"I can ask Master Windu," Obi-Wan says, nodding in the direction the Council had gone. "Come."

He leads the way through the palace grounds, heading toward the gardens, where the Jedi had been staying since their arrival. You follow, struggling to keeping pace with his long strides. You don't speak, unsure what to say, afraid that anything you might say will ruin the fragile truce between the two of you. 

Anakin falls into step beside you, walking a little faster to keep up. You glance over at him and smile, trying to reassure him. He looks up at you and smiles back.

"Hey," he says. "Who are you?"

"Oh," you glance at Obi-Wan, unsure whether you should answer or not.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan says sharply, looking back at him. "Have some respect."

You nearly smile. Obi-Wan has the authority of a Master, now. It's almost amusing.

"Sorry," Anakin says sheepishly.

"It's alright," you assure him. You tell him your name, and Obi-Wan glances back.

"She is a friend,” Obi-Wan tells Anakin.

"A friend?" Anakin repeats, looking back at you curiously.

"Yes," Obi-Wan says.

"Do friends touch hands, where you're from?"

Obi-Wan chokes, his stride faltering. He shoots a panicked look back at you, his cheeks turning bright red. You bite back a laugh.

"They can,” you say, smiling at Obi-Wan.

His eyes widen, and then narrow, a look of indignation crossing his face. He shakes his head, and looks away.

"Only sometimes," he mutters, and speeds up, his robes billowing out behind him.

You can't help but grin, and, seeing the look on your face, Anakin smiles too. You reach over and give his shoulder a squeeze.

"Welcome to the Order, Anakin."

"Thank you."

As the doors to the small chamber the Council has temporarily taken over comes into view, Obi-Wan finally slows down. You catch up easily, falling in step beside him. Anakin hangs back, staying just behind.

"I'm sorry about that," Obi-Wan says apologetically, glancing over. "He's still learning."

"Don't worry about it." You hesitate, but can't help but add, "Though I'm surprised you admitted we're friends."

He looks down, and clears his throat. "Well, we are."

"Are we?"

He glances at you.

"I'd like to think so," he says softly.

You smile. "Me, too."

He gives a little nod, his lips pursed, and then turns back to the door. It opens automatically, sliding apart with a hiss.

Inside, the Council members are seated in a circle, all facing the center of the room, where Obi-Wan and Anakin now enter. Master Yoda and Master Windu are among them, their faces serious. The conversation they were having stops immediately, and the attention of everyone in the room falls on the newcomers.

There are a few whispers, some of the Jedi leaning close together to discuss whatever they are about to say. Then, one by one, each member turns to look at you.

“Master Kenobi, Padawan Anathorn," Master Windu says, and his tone is not exactly welcoming. "To what do we owe this intrusion?"

"I apologize for the interruption, Masters," Obi-Wan begins, bowing his head. "But we were wondering if you had any information on Master Yaddle. We were told she'd be at the funeral, but we haven't seen her."

"Ah," Master Windu exchanges a look with Master Yoda, who leans forward, resting his elbows on his gimer stick.

"On Coruscant, Master Yaddle remains," the old master explains. "Resigned from the Council, and from the Order, she has."

You feel as though someone has just punched you in the stomach. Resigned? Why would she resign, without saying anything to you?

"What?"

The question escapes your lips before you can stop it, loud and unbidden, and every head in the room turns to look at you. You feel the blush rise on your cheeks, and quickly duck your head.

"Apologies," you say quickly before looking back up. "But...why?"

"Why, indeed," Yoda repeats. "Concerned, we all are. But the choice, Master Yaddle has made."

“She didn’t tell me,” you whisper, feeling your stomach twist. You can feel the eyes of the Council on you, judging, questioning, wondering why she would choose you as her apprentice, why she would even choose you, when the others were so much better suited.

And the truth was, you had asked yourself that very question many times.

Master Yaddle is the closest thing you have to a mother. You'd thought she'd believed in you, wanted you to take the trials to become a Knight. But if she'd left the Council, if she'd resigned without even telling you, perhaps she was tired of dealing with you, tired of the responsibility of raising you. Perhaps she was done.

"I see," Obi-Wan replies slowly, but his eyes are on you, watching you carefully.

"Anything else, have you, Master Kenobi?" Yoda asks.

"No, Masters," Obi-Wan answers. "Forgive us."

He bows, and takes a step back. You stay rooted to the spot, your feet unwilling to move.

"Master Yaddle did not come?" you ask, your eyes moving from Master Yoda, to Master Windu, and then to the rest of the Council, all watching you intently. You feel a sudden, irrational fear grip your chest, a feeling like ice water running down your spine. Something was wrong, you were sure of it. Something was terribly wrong.

“She cared for Master Jinn, she wouldn’t—“

“Her choice it was, Padawan. Her choice, it is. Accept her resignation, we will, and move on. No choice do you have, in this matter."

You swallow the lump in your throat, and bow, your eyes burning.

"Yes, Master," you manage. "Forgive me."

“Before her resignation, Master Yaddle put forth a recommendation for you to take the trials,” Master Plo Koon speaks up. Despite the modulator of his rebreather, you hear a note of concern in his voice, and it does nothing to alleviate your own.

Your heart skips a beat, and you turn to stare at him.

"She did?"

"Yes."

"Oh," you say, stunned. You hadn't known that. Yaddle had always said you weren't ready, that you weren't prepared. Why would she recommend that you take the trials now, if not to prove a point, to get you out of her hair, so she could leave in peace?

"The decision, the Council will make. Discuss the matter, we will, once matters with the Sith are settled. For now, your focus, keep on your training."

"Yes, Master."

"Master Kenobi, young Anakin," Master Yoda looks past you, to Obi-Wan and his new Padawan, "rest, the both of you must. A long day tomorrow, you have."

"Thank you, Master Yoda."

Obi-Wan glances at you, and then nods at the Council. His hand finds your shoulder and gently, but firmly, steers you toward the door. It opens automatically, and the three of you exit, back into the garden.

"Anakin, go on," Obi-Wan says, letting go of you as the door slides shut behind you. "Wait for me in our quarters, please. I need to speak with my friend."

"Okay."

The young boy nods, and trots off, leaving the two of you alone. As soon as he disappears from view, you slump against the wall, taking a deep, shuddering breath. Your thoughts are swirling, your emotions running rampant.

"Are you alright?" Obi-Wan asks, coming to stand in front of you.

"No," you say, shaking your head. "She didn't tell me, Obi-Wan. She didn't tell me anything."

"I'm sure there's a good reason."

"I don't care!"

You push off the wall and turn away, pacing back and forth, trying to work off some of the nervous energy. Your frustration is growing, and so is the pain, the betrayal, the hurt. You clench your fists at your sides, trying to control your breathing.

"Why would she leave without telling me? Why would she leave the Council now, when we need her the most? When I need her the most?"

"She must have had a reason," Obi-Wan insists, but you can tell he's not certain of his words.

"A reason?" You stop and turn to look at him, your anger suddenly turned toward him. "And what if that reason is that she's tired of me? What then?"

"That's not it," Obi-Wan says, frowning.

"How do you know?"

He hesitates.

"Well?"

"I..." He sighs, and runs a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. You can see the stress, the worry etched in the lines of his forehead. His eyes are bloodshot, and there are dark circles under them, and you suddenly realize that he's not in any better shape than you are.

"I know because I know her, and I know you," he says, his voice a little strained. "If Master Yaddle left the Council, there is a reason. And if she recommended you to take the trials, it's because she thinks you are ready."

"And how can I be, without her guidance? How can I do this, if she's not here?"

You take a shaky breath, and turn away again. You're on the verge of tears, and you're afraid if you look at him, you'll break down. You don’t want him to see you cry, not now, not when he's just lost his own Master, not when the whole galaxy seems to be going to shit.

"I can't do this alone," you whisper.

Obi-Wan crosses the distance between you, and puts his arms around you, pulling you against his chest.

"You're not alone," he says softly, and his words make the tears spill down your cheeks.

He holds you as you cry, his cheek pressed against the top of your head, one arm wrapped around your waist, the other cradling the back of your neck. You let yourself take comfort in the embrace, the warmth of him, his familiar scent, and his soothing voice, telling you over and over that it will be alright.

It's not true, but you let him say it, anyway.

When the tears have stopped, you pull back, and wipe at your face with the sleeve of your robes. Obi-Wan looks down at you, his expression filled with concern, his eyes filled with worry. You reach up, and brush the pad of your thumb across his cheek, wiping away the moisture there.

"Are you alright?" he asks, reaching up and putting his hand over yours.

"No."

"Would it help if I told you I was scared, too?"

You huff a laugh and pull your hand away, nodding.

"I'm serious," he says, and the smile fades from your lips. You can see the truth in his eyes, and your heart sinks.

"What are you scared of?"

"Of being a Master, of failing. Of disappointing everyone. Of...of the Sith. Of everything that's going to happen now."

"So am I," you admit. "I've never been so scared in my entire life."

"Then I suppose we'll just have to help each other get through it."

"How?"

"I'm not sure yet." He smiles, and reaches out, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. "But I'm willing to try, if you are."

You nod. "Okay."

Obi-Wan takes a step back, his hand falling away from your face. He hesitates, as if he wants to say something else, and then nods to himself, and turns to leave.

"Thank you," you call after him.

He pauses, and looks back, a smile on his face.

"You're welcome," he says, and then continues on his way, heading off to meet his new Padawan.

You watch him go, and hope that whatever happens, the two of you will be able to stick together. That the Sith will not destroy everything you hold dear. Because if they do, then what will be the point of any of it?

As the sun begins to set, painting the sky above the temple red, you turn and head in the direction of your own quarters. Tomorrow, you will train, and hope that the next time the Council meets, they will allow you to take the Trials.

You will train, and meditate, and focus.

Because despite what the Council would lead you and the galaxy to believe, this is far from over.

[jxsterr]

i just might not be in the right circles but i don’t think we realise just how fucked up puppet zelda was for link to have to encounter. like the one thing that stuck out to me SPECIFICALLY was the crisis at hyrule castle questline that has link hopelessly run around after something that looks like zelda and sounds enough like her but you know there’s something deeply wrong. it was enough to disturb me when i played through it, just how close her voice was to being correct but being too solemn, being just a little too wispy, too repetitive. there’s so many things about the way she speaks that’s only a little bit off, something that a man like link, blinded and delusional by grief, would miss. he’d know deep down in his gut something is wrong, it sounds so much like her but nothing like her at the same time. every time she beckons for him his chest tightens and he feels sick and he doesn’t know why, but he does deep down. he knows this isn’t her, can’t be her, or that if it is something is deeply wrong and both outcomes are less than desirable. it’s so fucked up because realistically he isn’t going to know if he’s ever going to see her again. for all he knows she could remain wandering the putrid soils of the depths for the rest of time, but here her corpse is, being paraded around as if she truly was zelda when she’s nothing but an imposter in the skin of his lover.

so he runs and runs and fights tooth and nail for her and continuously gets close enough to just about touch her but then she disappears and almost taunts him, tells him she’s waiting and he’s growing frustrated because goddess why won’t you just stay put and let me come to you?? i’m coming, i’m trying but you keep running from me. please stop running from me. his mind is begging, pleading for her, screaming i need you i need you like a lost child because he is without her. he’s lost and a shell of the man he used to be, she is his other half and without her he’s downright nonfunctional. and despite the heartbreak of her constantly disappearing he still keeps trying, keeps following her and grows more and more desperate because he’s so close and now they’re in the sanctum and she’s stopped and maybe this is his chance so he takes a step forward and she’s doing it again. she’s taunting him, dancing around him while all he can do is turn around aimlessly in an attempt to follow her. but even then he doesn’t stop for a moment to think if this is zelda, what she’s doing is cruel because he’s far too hung up on the possibility of her being with him again he doesn’t even stop to get upset at her, doesn’t question why she’s torturing him and keeps his focus on getting to her. it’s things like this that show you why zelda has so much trust that he will be able to defeat ganondorf because he’s never stopped chasing after her and saving the world for her and he never will. she could fall and he would catch her, she could die and he would save her, she could be a husk of who she once was and he would still love her. it’s undying loyalty, unwavering love and determination to make sure she’s okay because to him, zelda is everything.

but then she stops and gets so close he could walk over there and hold her again but it’s a lie. it all was. it’s nothing short of desvastating because even though he knew something was awry it still hurts to be proven right. to have scars so painfully ripped open again knowing that he’s back to square one. the emotional turmoil that that must have put him through had to have been insane, if not soul crushing. he’d be inconsolable, sobbing and cursing the very ground ganondorf stood upon to the point where the sages would have to escort him out of the sanctum only for him to fight them because they’re the only people he can take anything out on right now. but it’s not fair because it’s not their fault, and the way that riju hushes him and does her best to speak soothingly while sidon rubs his back makes him feel all the more guilty. so they all stay there, tulin and yunobo on high alert while link is sat on the ground, knees to his chest and weeping because he was so close. he cries and cries until his throat gives out and he’s dehydrated, until sidon has to scoop him up and take him back to lookout landing and he can’t even bear to tell purah what happened but she already knows. nothing breaks through that tough exterior but the dangled hope of zelda’s return being ripped from him. none of the sages want to leave him in this state, so they camp out in lookout landing. tulin does his best to chatter on about all the cool things he’s been doing to stop link from falling completely numb and shutting everything off and it does kind of work, link cracks the slightest of smiles when tulin tells him how he took out an entire monster hideout by himself. he’s lost his world but maybe he can figure out how to keep fighting for her with friends by his side. he’ll just have to see.

[stylesispunk]

"I couldn't want you anymore" | part 3

Artist! Joel Miller x Florist! Reader

series masterlist | previous chapter | next | masterlist

summary: when Sarah's mom comes back into Joel's life to fight for their past relationship, Joel needs to convince her he is in a happy relationship with the florist next to his gallery in order to make her go away. The problem is, that he and the florist can't stand each other's guts or that it's what he thinks.

warning: no use of y/n, "Bee" is reader's nickname Joel gave her, fluff, allusions to smut or almost, angst, miscommunication, there's a lot of tension and things are getting complicated.

a/n: Hello! Chapter 3 is here! I took time off this weekend so i had time for writing this and here we are. I really hope you like this one because things are going to happen next chapter 👀 Happy reading and remember, reblogs and comments are always appreciated, thanks for the love on this fic so far and I'm always love hearing from you, you can send me any ask or talk to me, and as always if you want to be tagged, just tell me 💌

Two days had passed since your encounter with Lauren, and during those two days, you had been doing your best to avoid Joel.  Not only for your own sense of humiliation but because you didn’t want to step into a story you weren’t part of. You felt ashamed of being in the middle of a relationship without closure between them.

However, Joel noticed and he started to miss you, your acts of affection, like the warm coffee you had been bringing to him in the morning and the genuine connection blooming between you. These two days just felt emptier without you.   you. These

He knew something was off with you, so he decided to face you and went to your flower shop with the only objective of talking to you in his mind. As he entered, the familiar sound of the bell he was getting used to chiming, he saw you there arranging a bouquet of roses as you always did. 

You glanced up, your expression guarded “Joel if you need anything. I’m really busy right now”

"No, you don’t” Joel replied firmly, walking to the counter to stand in front of him. “You can’t continue avoiding me like this.”

Your eyes narrowed as if you didn’t understand what he was talking about. “I’m not."

Joel took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully. “Bee”

You sighed and looked at him in the eyes. “It’s hard, but Lauren”, you finally acknowledged the source of your discomfort.

“Oh. Who told you?” he asked, his voice tinged with guilt.

“What?” 

“It’s because I let her meet Sarah. Isn’t it? Because I didn’t tell you?” 

You opened your mouth to say something but nothing came. A mix of emotions swirled inside you. But it mostly hurt. 

“Bee?” he pleaded, waiting for you to say something. 

“I have nothing to tell you, Joel,” you said, and undertone your words. 

Joel's shoulders slumped, and he ran a hand through his hair, clearly conflicted. “Are you jealous or what?” he accused you.

“What are you talking about?” you asked, defiantly.

“The way you’re acting,” he said, raising his voice.

"Joel, it's not just about that," you said, your voice lingering with frustration. "It's about how you asked me to pretend to be your girlfriend just for you to become closer to her?

Joel's shoulders slumped, and he ran a hand through his hair, struggling to find the right words. “Bee, I didn’t want to hide it from you. I just... didn’t know how to explain everything. It's complicated."

You let out a bitter chuckle and Joel looked taken aback, almost offended. He didn’t know what to say to make things get better.

“Why do you care?” 

Your frustration was evident as you replied, "Because I'm stuck in the middle of this mess, Joel. I didn't sign up for this drama."

Joel's face contorted with a mixture of anger. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have. Sarah is my daughter. I know what’s good for her.”

Your frustration flared, and you spoke sharply, "You're so focused on your own problems, Joel, that you can't see how this affects everyone around you. Including me."

The tension reached its peak, and your voices rose in unison as you both shouted at each other, the anger and pain speaking for both of you.

"Well, that's my problem to deal with, go to hell!" Joel retorted.

"Fuck you!" you shouted back, your voice laced with frustration and pain. "Get out of here before I hit you in the damn face!"

With that, Joel turned and stormed out of your flower shop, leaving behind a cloud of unresolved emotions and a shattered pretense that had held your worlds together.

And Joel didn’t know why his heart hurt so much.

In the aftermath of your heated argument with Joel, you were left feeling like you were on fire. The tension between you had reached its peak, and you couldn't help but wonder if you had made a terrible mistake by getting involved with him.

Over the next hours, you tried your best to put some distance between yourself and Joel. You solely focused on your flower shop and threw yourself into your work, hoping that distraction would help you forget about the consequences of your actions. 

As you were busy cleaning the counter in your flower shop, you suddenly felt a pair of hands cover your eyes. Startled, you nearly dropped the cloth you were holding.

Your heart hammered in your chest thinking it was Joel with an apology, but then a familiar voice whispered in your ear, "Guess who?"

Your heart skipped a beat as a rush of emotions overcame you. You knew that voice and the feeling of those hands on your eyes. It couldn't be... could it?

With a mixture of excitement and disbelief, you reached up to remove the hands from your eyes and turned around. Standing before you was Connell, wearing his characteristic smile.

A gasp of surprise escaped your lips as you took in his appearance. He looked just as handsome as ever.

"Connell!" you exclaimed, throwing your arms around him in a tight hug. Tears of joy welled up in your eyes as you held him close. "When did you get back?”

Connell chuckled warmly, returning your hug. "Job offer” he replied. “Not here, but I wanted to see you.” 

You pulled back slightly to look into his eyes, your heart swelling with happiness. 

“You look as stunning as always,” he said in disbelief. 

His compliment about your appearance brought a blush to your cheeks, and you couldn't help but smile. "You look pretty great yourself, Connell."

As Connell surprised you in your flower shop and you shared a warm embrace, Joel watched from a distance.

As you and Connell shared your warm embrace, neither of you noticed Joel watching from a distance. He was confused as he observed the reunion. Part of him felt a pang of jealousy, even though he couldn't quite explain why.

“That’s Connell if you are asking.”

Joel turned his head to face the voice. It was Lily. 

“Her ex,” she added.

Joel's gaze shifted from Lily to you from afar as she provided some context for him to understand what this could mean. His jaw tensed slightly as he processed the information. Your ex-boyfriend was here, and the situation suddenly felt even more complicated to deal with.

Lily, enjoying the drama, couldn't resist stirring the pot. She raised an eyebrow at Joel and asked, "So, Joel, why are you looking at her like a puppy?

Joel's expression remained guarded as he replied, "I just wanted to talk to her”. He said, “But I see she is busy”. The last sentence came with laced jealousy written over it. 

Lily couldn't help but grin at Joel's tone. She leaned in closer, her voice teasing. "Busy with her ex, it seems." 

Joel's jaw clenched, and he shot Lily a pointed look. "It's none of your business, Lily."

“They were so in love, you know?”  Lily continued to tease. "Oh, I can tell. The way Connell's looking at her, it's like he never left."

Joel's irritation was palpable, but before he could respond, Lily added, "But hey, Joel and Bee are nothing real, so no need to get jealous.” 

Joel sighed, realizing that Lily wasn't going to let this go. "Lily, can we not do this right now?"

Lily stopped, but her mischievous grin remained. "Alright, alright, Joel. I’ll go, but come back later. You may find her in a better mood.” 

With that, she patted him on the shoulder and headed towards the door of your shop, leaving Joel dealing with his own mixed feelings towards you.

By the next day, Joel grew incredibly worried about you not showing up at your job. The worst scenarios came to his mind, the thought of him and Connell spending the night together the one stabbing deeply in his heart.

The idea of having you next to his gallery for four years, not caring about you at all now, you being the only thought in his mind, made him mad. He hated the feeling that now had settled in his heart at the memory of you. 

Your sudden disappearance only fueled his anger towards you, but mostly towards himself, so by the time the day was over for him, he drove to your house. He decided to confront you. 

All the way, he had been practicing the speech he was going to give you, the words he was going to say, and the possible reactions you could have. However, when he knocked at your door and you opened it, he was taken by surprise. You looked absolutely miserable. Your face was flushed, your hair a mess, and you were sniffling, clearly sick.

His anger immediately dissipated at your image, replaced by concern. 

“How do you know where I live?” you asked slowly, whispering. 

He thought it was funny that your first concern was him being here.

“Are you okay?” he asked with concern in his tone. 

You gave a weak nod. "Just a stupid cold."

Joel's anger had melted away the moment he saw you in such a vulnerable state. Without another word, he stepped inside, gently closing the door behind him. 

He walked over to you, his expression softening as he took in your appearance. "You should be resting," he said softly, studying all your face. 

“It was what I was doing until an idiot knocked on my door.” You managed a faint smile.

Joel chuckled and told you to sit, then he went to the kitchen, rummaging through your cabinets to find some tea to ease your misery. He quickly brewed a cup of hot tea and brought it to you along with some medicine he found on the counter. 

Sitting down beside you, he handed you the warm mug. "Here, drink this. It should help."

You rolled your eyes at him, taking the tea, sipping it, feeling the soothing warmth spreading through your body. Joel watched over you, concerned because you were not the girl full of life he had gotten used to for the last weeks. He checked your forehead with the back of his hand, checking your temperature. It was a simple gesture, but deep down he knew he had started to care about you. 

As you leaned back on the couch, feeling the effects of the tea and the medicine, you couldn't help but thank Joel’s presence next to you that you ended up falling asleep on his shoulder and his heart melted in his chest.

Seeing that he had grown tired from the effects of the tea and medicine, Joel carefully set the empty mug aside. He couldn't help but smile softly as he watched you drift off to sleep, your head resting on his shoulder. At that vulnerable moment, you seemed so delicate and different from the annoying person he thought you were, a picture he had created of you by himself, far from the truth. You were actually nice, caring, and the person with the biggest heart he had ever known. 

Gently, he lifted you into his arms, cradling you as he stood up from the couch. Your head nestled against his chest, and he could feel the rise and fall of your breath, steady. Without a word, he carried you to your bedroom, careful not to wake you.

As he laid you down on the bed and pulled the covers over you, he couldn't help but linger for a moment, his gaze tracing the lines of your face. It was a rare sight, seeing you so peaceful and vulnerable, and it tugged at something deep within him.

Joel knew he should leave and let you rest, even when he didn’t want to, but as he turned to go, your voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Joel, don't go," you murmured, your eyes fluttering open slightly.

You reached out, your fingers brushing lightly against his arm. "Please, just stay."

That was all he needed to stay. He carefully climbed into the bed beside you, making sure to maintain a respectful distance, but you shifted closer, seeking the warmth and comfort of his body. The two of you lay there in silence, your breathing gradually synchronizing in the silence of the room. Joel watched over you, a rush of emotion ran through his body and he made himself feel comfortable against you. 

“Don’t get too comfortable, Miller. Remember, we can’t fall in love” you whispered as you snuggled on his chest.

Joel couldn't help but chuckle softly at your whispered remark, even as his heart skipped a beat at the intimacy of the moment.

"I’m doing my best to keep that promise," he murmured in reply, not feeling sure of that promise anymore. 

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep as well. The warmth of your body against him lulled him into the best sleep he had had in years. 

At that moment, there was no fake relationship, not pretending, but just two people resting in each other’s arms.

The next day, after a restful night of sleep, you woke up feeling better, better enough to go back to work. You decided to start again, putting aside the last argument with Joel and focusing on your own job. Besides, after last night, you were grateful for Joel and you couldn’t find yourself mad at him anymore. So, the first thing you did was arrange a bouquet of flowers for Joel and go to his gallery, making your way to his office. There wasn’t a signal of Joel, so you placed the cup of coffee on his desk, along with the bouquet, and some pastries, and left a note: 

I know you hate flowers, but thanks for last night, I feel better because of you.

Then, you returned to your flower shop, hoping the note would make him smile. 

The rest of the day passed by in a blur with you arranging flowers and serving customers as usual, and even when you kept yourself busy, your mind occasionally drifted back to Joel, anticipating his reaction to the flowers, and just as you were arranging a bouquet of sunflowers, your phone chimed, interrupting your thoughts. 

Joel

Thanks for the coffee and the pastries, I’m happy you’re better, bee.

By the way, I don’t hate flowers anymore.

You smiled at that, leaving the message unanswered.

As night fell, you noticed Joel was still working in the gallery. So, you decided to pay him a visit.

When you arrived, the gallery was dimly lit, with the soft glow of lights illuminating the pieces of art displayed inside. You spotted Joel in the studio, focused on adjusting the lighting to highlight the details of the paint he was currently working on. Looking at him, this focus gave you a moment to appreciate his dedication and his own features under the cast light. You have never seen him this way, so focused as he smoked out the air of the cigarette between his lips. 

He didn’t notice your presence until you approached inside the studio. Joel looked up from his work and his eyes met yours. Surprise flickered across his face as he took in your figure in front of him. The corner of his lips curled into a small smile.

"Bee," he said, setting down his brush and walking over to you. "I didn't expect to see you here."

You returned his smile, feeling a sense of ease wash over you in his presence. "You left early this morning, so I thought I'd stop by and see how you're doing."

“I wanted to let you sleep.”

You shrugged, a small smile playing on your lips “Well, your plan didn’t work.”

Your eyes shifted from him to his work. He was painting a portrait of a woman. You took a moment to admire the painting, intrigued by the way Joel's work, and your heart skipped a beat as you realized the woman in the painting was you.

"Joel," you began, your voice barely above a whisper, "Is this... me?"

"Yes, it's you." He said as you stepped forward in front of him. You couldn't tear your gaze away from the portrait. It made you feel beautiful.

"Why?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly.

You felt Joel stepping closer from behind you, as you kept admiring the canvas. He took another step closer, and his hand gently cupped your waist, “Well- “he cleared his throat. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you today.” 

Your breath caught in your throat as his words hung in the air. The gallery around you seemed to fade into the background, leaving only the two of you in a color you had searched for years.

As you felt his presence linger, you were able to cast a glance at him over your shoulder. Not speaking as you silently held his gaze, watching his eyes not leaving yours. 

“Bee” he leaned closer to you, whispering smoothly in your ear, as his chest brushed your back. 

You had been getting closer in the last weeks, but this moment was different and intense, and it was making your heart beat hard against your chest.

You tried not to be affected by the closeness, you were trying really hard, but everything around you was slipping away and Joel was the only clear thought you had in your mind. It was like you were under a spell.

He learned, leaving small kisses on your neck, as his hand travelled down the curve of one of your hips, gripping your skin all over the material of your clothes. He whispered your name against your skin, leaving goosebumps traced on it. 

“Can I kiss you for real this time?” He whispered lustily.

You turned to face him, and his hands held your waist, your widened eyes locked with his, feeling a magnetic pull, a connection without boundaries, when the false reality you had created blurred, and all that mattered was the feelings pulling both of you closer right now.

As he stood there, in front of his own piece of art, his lips dropped down to your mouth, already devouring it with his gaze. You couldn’t help but feel wanted under his stare.

You didn’t react at first, his mouth took your lips in his and he properly kissed you for the first time, because this kiss was real, one you both wanted. His hands grabbed your waist and held you against him as if his life depended on it.  

Kissing Joel for real felt like driving in a dead-end street, like crushing your bones against the waves of the sea just to be brought back to life. And he also felt like the sun at the end of summer burning deep down your legs being carried out by passion and desire. 

A gasp escaped from your throat, Joel’s mouth moving over yours in slow motion, savoring the taste of your lips to never forget it again. Your kisses felt like eating the sweetest fruit in summer. 

He gently pushed you against the wall as your legs spread, giving him closer access to you. As the kiss deepened, the feeling wasn’t just magical, but it was hot, with his tongue against yours. There wasn’t a proper way to get closer, but you wanted him closer, you wanted to feel him on top of you. 

Joel slowly detached his lips from yours, looking flustered at the intensity of the kiss you had just shared.

“Are you okay?” He asked. 

You quickly nodded, as you traced your hands on his hair down to his neck and rapidly connected your lips with him. This time it was even hotter, now there was desperation in the touch.

The air in the room grew heavier, filled with the sound of small whines slipping from your lips as he travelled his way down your neck with his lips, you felt like his own canvas being delicately traced by his lips brushing over your skin, planting tattooed kisses on his way.

He was capturing every second of this in his mind, the taste of your mouth, the softness of your skin, and the sound falling out from your lips, as he didn't stop taking every visible inch of your skin in his mouth. Every touch sent shivers straight down where you wanted him the most.

A slow moan escaped from your lips as he hit the hot skin of your neck.

"Everything's f-"

You shut him down by furiously attaching his lips back to yours. His hand left the back of your neck, travelling down your chest as he remembered how every inch of your body felt under his touch and he smiled against your lips. The ache between your tights intensified at that, all while his hand pushed under your skirt and brushed where you wanted to be touched the most.

"Oh" you breathed.

Joel stopped kissing you for a moment to look at you, and he had a small smirk on his lips because he knew what he was doing. Leading not only by the desire but because of the mixed feelings he had for you.

“I’ve been really,” he kissed you “loving” He kissed you again “spending time with you”

And at that moment, breathing heavily against each other's faces, he kissed you again, and this time he went for it. He grabbed your bottom lip between his teeth as his hand rose higher on your tight. 

He grabbed your waist, pulling you closer in a quick motion, your hand on your back holding your tight. You fell against his chest, falling apart under his gaze and touch. His lips pressed against you with a crazy need. 

Your heart was beating so loudly in your ears when he kept caressing every inch of you, making you spin. His palm smoothed over the curve of your waist down to your bum and gripped it tightly, moving you even closer to him.

You let out a whine at that, and one your legs was pulling him on hold, kissing down his neck. You could feel him clenching under you. 

He let out a groan, while you moved your hand along his chest down to his jeans, his own hand leaving your body to grasp your hold against him. He groaned low against you. 

He stopped kissing you to meet your eyes briefly.

“I want you,” he said, capturing your lips as his teeth grabbed your bottom lip and his hand cupped the side of your face. 

“You can have me” you whispered, resting your forehead on his.

He leaned forward, capturing your lips as he unbuttoned your blouse, your hands working on his jeans, and planted kisses on his mouth. Kissing him deeply as one of your hands rested between you two, as you wrapped your hand around him.

He lifted you with force as you wrapped your legs around his waist, your back to the wall. His hands on your hips to hold you right there. The air in your lungs was trapped in a bubble of incredible pleasure, but it still found a way to escape in rushed moans against his mouth as you both kept devouring each other. 

He groaned against your mouth, lips parting, unable to utter other things instead of whimpers that drove you absolutely crazy.

Just as you were almost crossing the line of the agreement you made. A voice calling his name suddenly ruined the moment. He pulled away with a reluctant sigh, his eyes still locked with yours.

Fuck.

"Joel!" Tommy's voice echoed through the gallery, and you both turned to see his brother approaching.

Joel cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure, pulling you down carefully and fixing his jeans rapidly though his eyes still lingered on you.

 "Tommy, what are you doing here?" he asked, leaving the studio.

Tommy chuckled, his grin widening. "Well, you told me to pick you over tonight.” 

Joel blinked, momentarily confused by his brother's words. Then the realization dawned on him.

“You forgot? Because- Bee?” he asked in disbelief once he spotted you hiding behind the door of Joel’s studio in the gallery. 

You stepped out from behind the door, feeling a bit awkward and ashamed. "Hi, Tommy.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eye “What are you doing here?

You struggled to find words to explain your presence at the gallery at 09:00 p.m. “I just thought I’d stop by to help Joel.”

“With your mouth?” he asked you.

Joel shot his brother a warning look, but Tommy just grinned wider. “I’m sorry but your unbuttoned jeans and the messy hair speak louder.” 

You felt a blush rise to your cheeks as you looked away, suddenly self-conscious under Tommy's teasing gaze.

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Tommy, can we talk about this later?"

Tommy laughed, clapping Joel on the back. "Sure, sure. I'll let you two get back to your... art appreciation."

With a final wink in your direction, Tommy made his exit, leaving you and Joel alone.

“By the way, you’re are getting pretty good at pretending,” he shouted for the last time. 

“I guess he is right,” you said with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood.

Joel nodded, but there was a contemplative look in his eyes. "I wasn’t pretending.”

There was a moment of silence between you two, the unspoken tension from earlier still lingering in the air. 

Joel's words hung in the air, and you couldn't help but feel a mix of confusion and curiosity. "What do you mean?"

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. " I care about you, Bee” 

Your heart skipped a beat at his admission. He couldn’t believe he had just confessed something he only thought was in his mind and it left you both surprised. 

After two days, both Joel and you were in a game of changing minds with none of you wanting to face each other after the events of the other night, when you almost crossed the line of pretending while tracing shades of love you didn’t want to admit. And if you face each other, your armor could fall again, and neither of you wanted that. 

But you couldn’t stop replying to his words in your mind, wondering if he had truly meant them or if it was just a slip of the passionate moment that felt like a sin.

As evening descended two days later, you found yourself at the gallery once again. Contemplating your options. Going inside and falling into his language that made gravity fall too much or going back to your home and pretending Joel wasn’t your Achilles heel.

This time, you went for the first option, and the same soft glow of light was illuminating the space like the other night. However, this time it wasn’t the same. Joel was standing next to one of the art pieces, sharing a laugh with Lauren. They seemed to share a really good moment, with genuine smiles displaying on his faces, and it was clear that you had interrupted a moment between them.

Your heart sank at the picture. Just imagine bringing women to his gallery to fuck them in his studio was something casual for him. 

You hesitated, before making up your mind and leaving, but your footsteps must have caught their attention because Joel's gaze locked onto yours, and he quickly excused himself from the conversation with Lauren. Lauren turned to look at you, her expression unreadable.

Joel approached you with a concerned look. "Bee? What are you doing here?"

You couldn't hide the hurt in your voice as you replied, "I came here to talk to you, Joel, but I bet you’re busy”

You felt a surge of disappointment and Lauren's presence behind only added fuel to the fire of your own humiliation.

“It’s not what-

“Joel? Are you ready for dinner?” Lauren's voice interrupted the moment, and you turned to see her looking at you both with a faint smile.

You couldn't help but feel like an intruder, and the conversation you and Lauren had the other day made sense. After all, they had a bond that couldn’t be broken. 

 "I'll... I'll leave you two to your plans." You whispered, with a heavy heart.

Without waiting for their response, you turned and made your way out of the gallery, the heavy weight of uncertainty settling in your chest. As you stepped outside into the cool evening air, you couldn't help but feel like you had let Joel play with your feelings.

You knew that the arrangement between you and Joel was built on a foundation of pretense, but recent events had blurred the lines on that. Before you could gather your thoughts, you heard the door to the gallery swing open behind you, and you turned to see Joel rushing out. His expression was a mix of concern and desperation as he called out to you.

"Bee, wait! Please, let me explain," he pleaded, his footsteps quickening as he closed the distance between you.

You weren't ready to hear his explanations, not now. You took a step back, your voice laced with hurt as you replied, "Joel, I don't want to hear it right now”

Joel's face contorted with regret, and he reached out to gently touch your arm, his voice filled with sincerity. "It's not what you think, Bee.”

But your heart was too wounded, and you shook your head, pulling away from his touch. "Stop playing with fire, Joel”

Without another word, you turned and walked away, leaving Joel standing there, watching you go with a heavy heart.

Deep down on your thinking your phone vibrated, it was Conell,

Conell

Hey, are you free for dinner with me?

You considered Conell's invitation for a moment, after all you could use some distraction from all things running through your head.

You

Sure, is everything alright?

Conell

I'll tell you when we meet. Let's say 9:00? I’ll pick you up.

After confirming the time, you put your phone back in your pocket and watched Joel and Lauren making their way to his car. You couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy settle into your body. Their interaction seemed natural, so familiar, and you wonder if this is how he had felt about her at the beginning of their relationship. 

Joel opened the car door for Lauren, and as she got in, their laughter echoed through the quiet evening. They seemed at ease with each other, and it made you wonder if all that Joel and you had shared for the past weeks was insignificant. 

Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you made your way to your car to arrive home and get ready for your dinner with Connell. Not without shooting a last glance back at Joel before getting into your car, his eyes briefly met yours, and there was a moment of unspoken language in his gaze as if he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. Then, he got into his car and drove away with Lauren by his side. 

Your heart felt heavy after they left. A weight of uncertain feelings was running, making yourself questioning what was happening to you. Shaking your head to clear away the doubts, you started your car, drove home, and got ready for your dinner with Connell. 

As you entered your house and prepared for dinner, you couldn't escape the thoughts of Joel in your mind. It was like he was hunting your brain and your heart and you swore that wasn’t going to happen. You even thought of canceling on Connell but he seemed to want to talk to you about something really important, so you ended up choosing an elegant but simple outfit, doing your best to ignore the pictures of that damn artist in your head. 

When Connell arrived to pick you up, he greeted you with his familiar smile and a bouquet of your favorite flowers. Some time ago, that small gesture would make your heart skip a beat, but now you didn't know what was happening.

Both of you arrived at a cozy but elegant restaurant and sat down for dinner. You both caught up in each other's lives, sharing stories of the time you had spent apart.

His career as a doctor and how your life has been going since you parted ways. 

Being with him felt so comfortable and familiar that you even forgot about the mess you had in your life going on in your life right now. The way he threw his head back laughing at your jokes and how you always thought of him as your safe place and person, now brought back to you. 

But as the night passed, Connell's demeanor changed and he took a deep breath before speaking. "There's something I need to tell you."

You looked at him, your curiosity piqued. "What’s wrong?”

He reached across the table and took your hand in his. "I came back not just for a job offer but because... I came back for you”

Your heart skipped a beat as his words sank in. "For me?"

Connell nodded; his eyes locked with yours. "No matter where I go or what I do, I can't stop thinking about you. I miss you, and I want us to have a second chance."

You were taken aback by his confession. The past had been complicated, but the idea of rekindling your relationship with Connell was both exciting and frightening. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts.

After all, you were single and you could end the stupid agreement with Joel and he could go back to Lauren and be the family they were meant to be, and you could simply ignore how your heart felt at that. 

Connell’s voice broke your thoughts and he was looking at you with his blue eyes filled with sincerity. "I have an opportunity in London, and I want you to come with me.”

a/n: btw I only picture Connell as Paul Mescal and it may be because he played Connell on normal people haha.

tags 💌: @joeldjarin @borhapparker @fatima-marisa @kirsteng42 @paleidiot @harriedandharassed @runningmom94 @pedr0swh0r3

[accirax]

What is your opinion on the DRDT time loop theory? If you do have any thoughts on it, what do you think Mai, the Teacher & the past kg/(assumption) the altdrdt kg have to do with it? (Mai and Teacher often exist in proxy to evidence for this theory & the 'past killing game' & the teacher are clearly closely connected.)

Alright, so this one is going to be a bit more of a challenge than usual because, as I confirmed, the “DRDT Time Loop Theory” doesn’t exactly… exist. I mean, it definitely does, because you know what it means, and I know what it means, and I’m willing to bet that many other people who will encounter this post also know what it means. But, everyone’s understanding of it is pretty vague and scattered because no one has ever written it out before. Other than kind of this 3 minute segment of a video by Ocean Unknown (which never even says the words “time loop” directly, it just discusses a major piece of evidence for the theory), as well as this work-around by @/1moreff-creator, there isn’t any document I can read or video I can watch to base my opinion off of.

Therefore, this leaves me in the position of having to establish the original scripture for what the DRDT Time Loop Theory is, and then give my thoughts on how plausible it might be. Naturally, this may result in my answers having some obvious bias to them in one way or another– either that I will misrepresent some evidence because I don’t think the idea is plausible, or that I will become convinced of the theory because it’s tailored to exactly what I think makes the most sense– but, no matter! Somebody had to establish this someday, and I’m honored that you regard my opinion highly enough to task me as the one to do it. Here we go!

I usually like to establish a sort of premise to each of my theories near the beginning, because I think it provides a good structure through which people can pace themselves and know what to expect. For this theory, I think it will make the most sense to create sections based on the basic questions: who, what, when, where, why, and how. Although, not necessarily in that order. Or rather, definitely not in that order, because I know where I’m going to start.

What?

‘Cause, like, what? What is the time loop theory? That’s where we should start.

As far as I’m aware, the time loop theory is mainly based on the combination of two different pieces of evidence. The first hails from DRDT’s About Page. In the same fashion that people found each character’s hidden quotes on their profiles, you can find a long monologue in the code of the text. I’ll copy it here for convenience:

“You don’t understand, do you? I used to be like you. I barely remember, but I used to be like you. I cared so much about people, I cried everytime someone was hurt. I suffered for a long time stuck in here caring about people. I know what you’re going through. You’re going to hold on as long as you have, with hope that you can make it out of here with everyone. Then you’re going to despair. That lasts a while, too. Then you’ll get bored. Like me. And you’ll wish you were still suffering. Anything else is better than boredom. I wish I could feel something, anything else, other than being bored. I’m stuck in here for eternity, and I know everything that could possibly happen. I know how everyone reacts to a murder, what makes people turn to despair, what fills people with hope and make them survive until we all run out of food and starve to death. I wish I could feel terrified, or afraid, or angry. But I can’t anymore. I don’t feel anything at all except boredom. Do you understand, Teacher? This is why I’m letting you suffer as long as possible. Because it’s better than the alternative. I’m sorry. I don’t envy you. You’ll understand eventually.”

Because this quote is found on the About page, we can’t tie it to any one character in particular like we can for the secret quotes. Many people suspect this quote may have come from DRDT’s mastermind, but we obviously don’t know who that is, either. To help us establish the speaker’s character, let’s see what we can infer about them from what they’ve said.

Firstly, we know that this character has been through a lot. They started off caring, then turned to cruelty, yet wound up feeling nothing but boredom in the end. Notably, however, this is only the way that this character sees themself– how kind or how cruel they were is subject to their own perspective. Personally, I don’t think that the speaker is as dead inside as they claim to be. The fact that they wind up relating themselves to “Teacher” and taking actions to minimize Teacher’s suffering proves that they haven’t fully given up on humanity or caring for others.

The speaker also seems to think pretty highly of themself. They begin the passage by assuming that Teacher couldn’t possibly understand what they’ve gone through, and see themself as a tortured Atlas bearing the weight of all knowledge on their shoulder (“I know everything that could possibly happen”). The whole “this is for your own good” mentality also shows them as somewhat patronizing and commandeering.

As for some of the more physical details, while it’s not 100% confirmed, it seems pretty clear that the speaker is or was in a killing game. A murder can occur pretty much anywhere that there are two people, but “how everyone reacts to a murder” really makes it seem like the speaker is in a place where murder is expected. And then, there are the obvious references to hope and despair, which we all know are super killing-game-coded words.

The phrase that I find most interesting in the About Page quote (APQ) is “until we all run out of food and starve to death.” The speaker including themselves in a “we” means that they do identify as part of the group that is stuck in a killing game. Therefore, we can learn that 1) the speaker does not have a secret way to exit the killing game facility and/or time loop, and 2) the speaker is in a physical space, not a metaphysical one. They’re just as vulnerable to starvation (and possibly being killed?) as anyone else. This could be important when it comes to establishing how the time loop came to be and what kind of time loop it is.

And then, of course, there’s Teacher.

Due to the “wants to become the perfect teacher” tagline, many people have come to assume that the Teacher that the APQ refers to is a member of the unnamed fangan (which I call altDRDT) cast. Specifically, that brown-and-red-haired gentleman in the middle. This theory was basically confirmed by the second of the three Christmas 2023 comics DRDTdev posted.

Furthermore, one of the few images we have of him is with a piece of chalk and chalkboard.

We know from the altDRDT FAQ page that Teacher uses he/him pronouns (along with “Soundwave,” “XF,” “Dandelion,” “Scale,” “Bullet,” and “Ice”), which is important in potentially connecting him to the scholarly “him” that Min mentioned in A History of Hope’s Peak.

Therefore, the “Teacher” that the speaker is talking to is very likely to be altDRDT’s Teacher. However, I do want to take a moment to provide a bit of a counterargument. I don’t doubt that our close-eyed compatriot is the Ultimate Teacher. However, I also don’t want to assume that the person who’s trying to become the perfect teacher has to be the same as the Ultimate Teacher, despite the obvious throughline. For example, couldn’t the speaker of the APQ be trying to teach their beliefs to Teacher, searching for the perfect way to get him to understand what needs to be done? I still think that the Teacher that the speaker refers to is probably the altDRDT character, but I wanted us all to reach that conclusion while considering what’s outside the box.

Regardless, there’s clearly a lot to consider here. The people who first discovered this quote thought so as well, and started looking for answers by connecting it to things we’ve already seen in DRDT. The most popular connection comes from the prologue, Veronika’s introduction in particular. Remember when she rants to Teruko and Xander about the (fictional) book Forever Dead? It goes by pretty quick, but her summary is quite interesting:

And thus, the exact phrasing of the “time loop” began. Forever Dead touches upon a lot of the same plot points that the speaker brings up in the APQ. People die, the main character transforms from invested to bored, and straddles the border between relatable and sinister.

We also learn a bit more about the speaker and what happened/will happen to him. He identifies as a boy (who uses he/him pronouns), he’s impaled by metal spikes and left to die at some point, and he manages to apologize for “everything he did,” though apparently only through some level of force. “Everything he did” is interestingly vague– is that implying that the boy was the cause of the time loop, or just that he was apologizing for the terrible things he did as a result of his bored insanity? What forced him into the apology if he was “left alone?” These characteristics may apply to the APQ speaker as well, under the assumption that the boy and the speaker are allegories for the same character.

So, those are the two main pieces of information that I’m aware of that lead people to devise the time loop theory. In case it’s important, I’ve also compiled some of the instances I could remember offhand of DRDT characters bringing up the cyclical nature of humanity and how things never change.

Any of these characters’ ideas about what “always has to happen” could be supported and/or challenged in the future by a time loop.

I also know that some people like to bring up the comments section portion of Literature Girl Insane (conveniently written over the words “the world won’t change!”) as evidence of DRDT being stuck in a time loop. I could explain why I don’t think that’s the case, but FF already did that as part of their giant LGI analysis video (which I will continue to recommend). I don’t think I can really put it any better than they did, so I encourage you to watch that section of the video at least if you’re curious as to why I won’t be including this as evidence.

And now, for a summary of what we’ve learned so far, the basics of the Time Loop Theory. Due to the About Page Quote, the summary of Forever Dead, and references to cyclical behavior, some believe that the characters in the DRDT killing game are experiencing a time loop. The speaker of the APQ, who is possibly the mastermind, is likely the only one of the sixteen students who is aware of this. When the loop began, they put their all into trying to achieve the best ending. However, over time, they became more bitter, first turning to wreaking havoc before succumbing to apathy. They have somehow captured “Teacher,” the protagonist of altDRDT, in an inescapable state of suffering, in order to teach him a lesson about how foolish it is to continue to care about others. They’re a bit of a cynical know-it-all, but their dedication to correcting Teacher’s behavior proves that they haven’t fully given up on humanity.

Basic facts, established! However, this is still pretty vague, and there are plenty more details to sort through. How about we start with…

How?

Because even among people who believe there is a time loop, there are many definitions of what a time loop can mean. In this section, I’ll aim to figure out which I think is the most likely in two broad categorization systems.

Is the time loop meta or non-meta?

A meta time loop would be one that is directly caused by the player/viewer interacting with the property, breaking the fourth wall. For DRDT, this would mean something along the lines of “every time you rewatch an episode of Despair Time, the characters are forced to relive the events of the day in an eternal loop, and they’ve started to wise up about it.” Conversely, a non-meta time loop would exist in the plot regardless of what its audience is doing, and be caused by a force that exists within the story. “After Teruko accidentally broke Eden’s favorite grandfather clock, Teruko was cursed to repeat her worst day over and over again.”

DRDT has made some fourth wall-breaking jokes before, such as when MonoTV directly references YouTube or the narrator tells the viewer to like the video and subscribe to give Teruko power. Because of this, it’s really tempting to think that DRDT is going for a meta time loop. However, given the actual text we have to work with, I think it’s more likely that we’re looking at a non-meta time loop. Remember how we learned that the APQ speaker exists in a physical space and not a metaphysical one? Focusing on the physical space of their environment and living conditions is drawing attention to how the world is real to them, not just a collection of pixels flattened into a video file. The Forever Dead boy also had to “apologize for what he did,” which might imply that the character was responsible for the time loop, not the audience.

Most of all, though, it’s the concept of “surviv[ing] until we all run out of food and starve to death” that makes me think that the time loop is not meta. Why? Because it makes it sound like there are different possible endings out there. If the time loop was caused by me going back and repeatedly rewatching the CharWhit FTE, there’s only one way that that FTE can start, and one way it can end. No matter how many times I make the characters loop that interaction, there’s only one version of that episode posted to YouTube. The APQ speaker makes it clear that they, as a character, attempted multiple things and achieved different results with them until they exhausted all viable possibilities and grew bored. I can only make the characters do one thing, but the characters within the story can, in theory, do whatever they want.

Really, a lot of it boils down to the medium in which DRDT is told. A lot of what I “know” about time loops comes from watching theory videos about Undertale and Deltarune. I won’t spoil either of those games for those who haven’t played them, but in Undertale, the player’s input is directly related to the time travel elements that the characters experience. This connection works really well because Undertale is a video game. Video games are a fantastic medium for meta commentary because player input is required for the game to function. The player can make choices of where to go or who to trust that have an impact on the story, which then makes it easy for the story to turn back towards the player and question the choices they made. DRDT, however, is a video series, not a game like the original Danganronpa. Its formatting would make calling the viewer’s impact into question, because we’ve hardly done anything other than want to watch the show. We have no impact on the direction of the plot.

Of course, I’m not trying to say that it’s impossible for anything other than a video game to tackle meta subjects. DRDTdev should be allowed to tell a meta fangan story without being forced into the life of a programmer. However, with all these elements combined, I think it’s more likely that DRDT’s time loop would be a canonical, non-meta one. Because of this, our follow up questions will be based around how the time loop could have formed in canon.

Is the time loop magical or scientific in origin?

A magical time loop could be something that appears as some sort of spell, legend, or artifact, such as the example with Teruko and the grandfather clock that I provided above. I would also count time loops that just appear out of nowhere in the “magical” category. One of the most famous time loop stories in modern Western cinema, Groundhog Day, could be thought of as a magical time loop, because the main character entered a time loop as a repercussion for his rotten personality seemingly out of nowhere. A scientific time loop would be the consequence of pushing the boundaries of science, whether purposefully (“Veronika, after researching the fourth dimension, put the killing game in a time loop so that she could experience its thrills forever”) or accidentally (“Trying to bring Ellie back to life, Charles’ time machine malfunctioned and trapped him in a time loop”).

Honestly, I’m really torn on this one. That may come as a surprise to some of you– how on earth could DRDT’s time loop be magical? The answer is our lovely protagonist herself, Teruko Tawaki. If Teruko’s luck, a supernatural force, created the time loop, then it’s magical in origin. It’s already been hinted that this could be the case through Teruko’s “you all have the misfortune of being ‘characters’” speech. Does Teruko know how stories like this work out because she’s looped through them before? If Mai is a lucky student, the time loop being a result of her luck or the combination of her and Teruko’s luck would also be magical. Assuming that luck was something that they were born with, that is.

However, it would also be very easy for DRDT’s time loop to be scientific in origin. The mysterious company XF-Ture Tech is clearly being set up for some kind of relevance down the road, which could be a science experiment gone wrong that resulted in a time loop. This could even be the thing that “Unnamed Student” (Mai) asked Xander to dig into.

That might seem like a bit of a leap, given that Mai is asking Xander to look into Hope’s Peak, not XF-Ture Tech. However, we already know that XF Tech had a vested interest in Hope’s Peak through their sponsorship of Min.

Personally, I don’t think that the XF Tech CEO would have had much personal interest in Min outside of her skill/potential, based on how Min describes him as a stranger. That means that the CEO’s goals must have been to sponsor the future Ultimate Student. The entire Ultimate Contest may have existed just because XF Tech wanted to get an insider within the Hope’s Peak system. There’s evidence to show that Hope’s Peak and XF Tech may have been collaborating– Mai asks why Hope’s Peak would even announce an Ultimate Contest, and Min answers from the perspective of the prospective student. But, why would Hope’s Peak want an Ultimate Student obtained through that method/at that time? If Min really did poison the competition to win, the entire Contest may have been rigged from the beginning to get an XF representative into the East Class.

Because of all this, I’m inclined to say that DRDT’s time loop is both magical and scientific in origin. Here’s what I’m thinking: 13-27 years ago, XF-Ture Tech signed some sort of deal with the new Hope’s Peak Academy that would allow them to look into students and their talents, much like how the original Hope’s Peak Academy was studying the origins of luck. HPA agreed for the money, while XF Tech believed that the partnership would help them sell better products/services, either through getting the first scoop on up-and-comers in the field or by scientifically developing talent rather than allowing it to occur naturally. That might sound really similar to what already happened in DRDT’s canon universe with the Kamukura project, but, hey, maybe part of the whole “time loop” motif would be history repeating and man not being able to shake the desire to play God.

Anyways, when they made this deal (or potentially a little while after it), they also decided that it would be good if XF Tech could be directly represented by one of the students in a future class. I can’t say exactly why they wanted this to be the case, but maybe HPA and XF Tech were either looking for a good excuse to go public with their relationship, or they knew that something or someone relevant would come to pass through the school in ~13 years, and wanted a man on the inside. Therefore, HPA put out a pre-rigged Contest searching for the Ultimate Student, which was destined to be won by whoever the XF Tech CEO determined was the best candidate. The CEO chose Min, and spent 13 years coaxing her into the perfect grateful, insecure, and study-focused representative out there.

Whether it was their goal from the start or a new development that caught their eye, XF Tech took particular note of Teruko and her strange luck, and wanted to research it. Teruko, who was desperate for support, let them study her, and eventually came to trust that they had her best interests at heart. But, over time, they pushed it too far. As some sort of reaction to their scientific prodding, Teruko’s luck magically created a time loop in an attempt to prevent XF Tech from bothering her any further.

Cool fanfic, right? While I’m aware that there are a lot of holes and leaps in logic– and we’ll get to those– I do think there’s reason to believe that Teruko is at the epicenter of the time loop for one reason or another. As we were all made aware of at the very beginning of the series…

… ending the killing game is correlated to killing Teruko Tawaki. Therefore, this person at least believes that the end of the killing game is related to the end of Teruko’s life. So, if the time loop is also related to the killing game– which it is, as established by the APQ– then the end of Teruko’s life would also possibly cause the end of the time loop. To quote a wise wizard, it’s maaaagic. The theory that Teruko’s secret is “the killing game is all your fault” also fits here perfectly.

So, it’s not as big of a leap in logic as it might seem like on the surface, even if it’s still basically my audition for being the Ultimate Jumper. However, now that the basics of the theory were mostly established in the “What?” section, I think I have a bit more room to inject my own thoughts and theories in here. I can’t draw any conclusions without making some guesses, and I can’t assess what the hell is going on without any conclusions. Call what follows specifically “Accirax’s Time Loop Theory” if you think I’m starting to veer too far off track from what’s plausible. I promise I’m still going to try to use actual, textual evidence whenever I can, though.

At any rate, there are still a lot of holes. Most notably, why would a time loop that Teruko’s luck created contain a killing game in it? Was she already in a killing game when the time loop began, or did her luck create the killing game? We’ll talk about that a bit more in the next section, along with some other stuff.

When?

Before getting back to the question of why a killing game would happen in this time loop, I think it’s important to establish some of the basic facts that the “When?” section might imply. Such as, “what events occurred before the time loop started?,” and, “what events occurred after the time loop started?” That’s a funny question to ask with regards to time loops specifically, but there are still things we can piece together.

Firstly, we can be pretty confident that the canonical properties Trigger Happy Havoc, Goodbye Despair, Ultra Despair Girls, and End of Hope’s Peak happened before DRDT. (V3 is, as usual, so weird that I have no clue if DRDT will attempt to explain it as part of the canonical timeline or not.) The Tragedy was confirmed as canon to the DRDT universe by Veronika in Chapter 2 Episode 2, and Min/Mai in A History of Hope’s Peak.

If the Tragedy and Hope’s Peak Academy are canon, then I see no reason why those four games, which all relate to the Tragedy, wouldn’t be as well. There’s also the mysterious “Ms. Naegi” that’s listed in the credits of Literature Girl Insane, and Teruko’s reference to “a past killing game.”

Although the event Teruko mentions could be any killing game with Monokuma as its mascot, I would suspect that she is specifically mentioning the Hope’s Peak Academy Killing Game of THH here, as it was the first and the one that was widely broadcast. Notably, although Veronika knows a lot about the Tragedy and by all accounts should be super into the killing games, she doesn’t remember another killing game happening before. That leaves us with two basic options. 1) Teruko had access to secret knowledge about the killing games that the general public didn’t, or, 2) something about the creation of this killing game caused Veronika (and likely the other non-Terukos as well) to forget about the HPA killing game. I would lean towards the second, given that the broadcast of the HPA killing game and Junko’s involvement in it were such major historical events that I would really expect that society wouldn’t forget about them so easily.

Another huge piece of information comes from the Chapter 2 Part 1 Q&A.

From this question, we know that a person who is 80-ish years old was old enough to be alive during the Tragedy itself. In THH, Makoto’s orientation letter is dated to the release year of the game, 2010 (2014 for the English release), which means that the Tragedy probably started in 2011. We can approximate, then, that DRDT takes place sometime around 2090, give or take a few decades depending on how long the Tragedy lasted and at what point with regards to it Duke was born. Not super important to this theory, but it is interesting.

So, the Tragedy probably happened around 80 years before the time loop began. We also know that the school that Min, Mai, and Xander attend, which hosts the East Class, was probably founded ~27 years before the time loop began, because that trio is part of East Class 27. Interestingly, this means that the new American Hope’s Peak was founded ~50 years after the Tragedy. That’s a fairly long amount of time.

As for events that more directly preceded the time loop, I think that both Bonus Episodes would have happened before the killing game, as well as Teruko’s flashback about Mai in Chapter 1. Xander, Min, and Mai attended HPA before encountering the killing game/time loop, despite no one in DRDT remembering ever going to HPA. Rose says in the prologue that it’s been a year or two since the HPA entrance ceremony should have happened, which means that the students probably attended HPA for at least a year before the killing game started. The chalkboard in the classroom that Min and Mai sit in also advertises Spring Break, which, in American schools, is pretty close to the end of the typical school year. That’s more evidence that they spent a considerable amount of time attending HPA.

Now, for events that happened after the inception of the time loop. The only thing I think we know of for sure is the events of the DRDT killing game. That would be part of the time loop, infinitely recurring after the point at which the loop began. I’m also hesitantly going to call altDRDT a sequel instead of a prequel… but, uh, we’ll get more into my overall theories on that later.

Okay, now back to why a loop Teruko’s luck created would have had a killing game in it. I’ve come up with three theories, all of which are… dubious, at best.

Theory #1: The killing game came from Teruko’s subconscious. Teruko’s luck is a part of who she is, and therefore, any effects it may have are based on what Teruko knows and how she feels. Perhaps, just before the time loop began, Teruko learned about the Hope’s Peak Academy Killing Game, whether in class or through shadier sources. When her “magic” snapped and the time loop began, because the killing game was on her mind, it manifested before her. Basically, the time loop would operate much like a dream, where the things you learn in real life come back in surreal ways. I don’t like this one because it leans in really hard to the magic aspect. Although Danganronpa has always been science fiction, letting Teruko’s emotions create an entirely new magical realm seems like jumping the shark.

Theory #2: XF-Ture Tech wanted to test Teruko with a killing game. Their research into her and her luck is quite similar to that of Nagito or the Kamukura project, so why not test their findings in the same ways that Nagito and Hajime were tested? Things amidst this theory that make sense are XF-Ture Tech, a tech company, possibly creating MonoTV, and the prospect of Teruko’s friends dying in a killing game adding an extra kick to why her luck would step in and create a time loop out of desperation. Things that don’t make sense include how the hell XF-Ture Tech would manage to pull this off (especially if constrained by legality/friendship with HPA) and where the hell they would be now. That second question could be answered by, “it was Min,” I suppose, but the first is still off.

Theory #3: The killing game was introduced to contain Teruko. I’m not entirely sure how this would work, but, basically, something else would have triggered Teruko’s luck to start the loop, and then someone (Hope’s Peak, Mai, the Spurlings, who knows) would have introduced a killing game in there in hopes of having something happen. This idea was sort of spurred on by the note that Xander had to kill Teruko Tawaki. Let’s say that Teruko is a huge, powerful problem, much like Junko or Izuru. If you can find a way to breach the time loop she’s created to introduce a killing game, she has to die eventually, right? Victim after victim, blackened after blackened– if Teruko is trapped in an eternal killing game, it seems like at least one of them would have to randomly stumble into her dying. However, I then have to ask how and why the other DRDT characters wound up in this killing game. Them all agreeing to volunteer for this potentially kamikaze plan seems unrealistic given their personalities. So, were they just collateral damage of the original time loop, roped into this last-ditch effort plan? How would a seemingly closed off loop be “breached” to such a drastic extent, anyways?

I once again feel like I’m missing something here, but I also don’t think any of my previous assumptions were wrong. I just can’t understand why the killing game would have come to exist within this time loop. Maybe it has to do with the person who started the killing game?

Who?

Oh yeah, it’s time to talk about the mastermind again, baby. But, obviously, filtering it through the assumption that there is a time loop will change my overall assessments. Now, we have to look for someone with the means, motives, and thematic… fittingness(?) to be involved with Looping the class.

Let’s start with some options that seem so obviously incorrect that I don’t have anything to say. Why would Ace, Hu, Levi, or Nico be the one to have started a killing game within this time loop? Ace’s cowardice already made him seem unlikely, and making the danger zone neverending makes the premise all the more bizarre. You would have to reach pretty far to characterize Hu as the APQ speaker who claims to be incredibly bored and apathetic. Levi wants to change as a person, so inflicting a stagnant time loop seems counter to his goals. Nico… just doesn’t seem to have any aspect of their character line up with the premise of a time loop? Like, if Nico were the character you created to be the mastermind of a time loop killing game, what aspects of how they turned out would reflect that? In my opinion, there are no connections, which makes Nico not it.

Some more less likely options… Arei has some dialogue about people’s behaviors not changing, but especially given her (likely) death, I don’t think it’s enough to call her the mastermind. Given that David is alive, he fares better than Arei under the same scrutiny, but I still feel like the mastermind’s power in this context is more than the desperate, run-ragged David we’ve seen in the second Class Trial. He cares too much, in his own David way. I feel like Rose should be doing better given how highly I ranked her in my main mastermind post, but I’ve been trying to fit the Spurlings into this time loop thing, and I haven’t been able to manage anything. J is much the same, although the whole “TV show” argument still gives her some traction. Although Arturo is generally a smart, scientific kind of guy, being a plastic surgeon doesn’t seem to mesh with whatever science would be needed to make a scientific time loop.

And then there’s Whit. Look. I’m as tired of airing my grievances with Whit mastermind theory as you probably are of reading me air them. However, Whit definitely merits his own section due to one of the main pieces of Whit mastermind scripture (to my knowledge) directly tying the APQ to his candidacy. While I definitely respect and appreciate that aspect of this theory, I don’t buy it myself. By demodraws’ word, this theory is more of a “list of evidence.” The only items on that list that I see directly relate to the APQ are that 1) the Forever Dead character, who may be linked to the speaker, identifies as a boy, and that 2) the speaker expresses grief. Although, that second point is also linked to the belief that the mysterious quote at the beginning of Chapter 1 is said by the same person who said the APQ, which isn’t necessarily the case.

I certainly agree that Whit’s character is the most tied to the concepts of grief and idolizing the dead. However, there are many other characters who do the same. Charles mourns Elliot after remembering his existence, Arturo mourns Felicity whenever he’s confronted with the truth, Xander mourns his family and how he couldn’t do more. (Why do so many DRDT characters have dead family members?) Eden has mourned Min and Arei since their deaths. You can also make the argument that the APQ speaker is more so mourning who they became and how things used to be more than mourning or idolizing any dead compatriots. Rose mourns being shackled to the Spurlings, David mourns the loss of his career once his secret is out, Levi mourns never knowing the right thing to say around Ace. With so many griefheads running around, I don’t find Whit’s connection to the subject compelling enough to label him mastermind.

Then there’s the “boy” aspect. Obviously, Whit isn’t the only boy in DRDT either– as far as we know, Xander, Charles, Ace, Levi, Arturo, and David also identify as boys. However, I also don’t think that the Forever Dead character being a boy is a majorly important piece of evidence. Assuming that Forever Dead is autobiography-flavored fiction as opposed to a genuine biography, the gender of the character it’s describing feels like a detail that DRDTdev could have easily changed to make the parallel less obvious. Although, then you might ask, “why bother including the character’s gender at all, then?” In my opinion, Veronika talks for long enough that it would have been really hard to get through the entire monologue without ever establishing a set of pronouns for the protagonist.  “It’s about a _____'' is also a pretty natural way to introduce a story to someone for the first time. Choosing the fairly inconsequential “boy” is a lot less revealing than if Veronika said something more targeted; such as, “it’s about a marriage counselor.” I can’t deny that Veronika talking about a boy could be an important clue, but hopefully I’ve explained why I’m not hinging my entire theory off of it.

Alright, now we’re on to people who I think could genuinely make sense as a time loop mastermind. I think it’s probably most fitting to start with Eden. Because, you know… clocks… time… making time… you can’t go back no matter how hard you try… it’s not a hard conclusion to draw. DRDT has many underlying mysteries, but as compared to something as mysterious as, say, Mai, the concept of a time loop is even further obscured. Making your mastermind the Ultimate Clockmaker is something that would seem totally harmless on the surface, but be a great twist when the truth of the time loop is revealed. The issue is… other than her talent, I don’t think Eden has much going for her here. I guess you could argue that, if the killing game time loop is meant to help Teruko in some way, Eden has been very dedicated to her goal of supporting others. However, whether that’s the case or not, it’s hard to make an argument that Eden doesn’t care about anything anymore.

Maybe if the APQ quote is said in the future, and this is evidence of Eden undergoing the change that the APQ speaker described…? Eden is a definite possibility, but given all this in addition to my other theories as to where her character is headed, I think it’s an unlikely one.

Next, Veronika. As the one who introduced us to Forever Dead, she definitely has some connection to this time loop nonsense. The question is, how strong can that connection get? The main thing that I like about Veronika being the time loop mastermind is how well her character seems to fit with the APQ speaker’s personality. Both of them face boredom as their greatest enemy, and the APQ listing terror and fear as the top two emotions they wish they could still feel would match really well with a Horror Fanatic. My biggest problem is my main issue with Veronika being the mastermind in general: it just feels too obvious. Having Veronika directly state, “I can’t stand boring things,” and having the APQ speaker directly state, “anything else is better than boredom” is a really, really clear connection between the two. Would DRDTdev really want to drop such a decisive clue so early into the story? I can’t be sure. But my gut leans “no.”

It’s kind of impossible to talk about the possibility of Xander or Min being the time loop mastermind separately, because they share so many of the same points. Under the assumption that XF-Ture Tech is behind the time loop somehow, both of them may have connections to it. Min’s is undeniable– she’s clearly told us that they’ve sponsored her, and she wears their paraphernalia– while Xander may have been interrogating their actions as part of Mai’s scheme and/or in the first scene with the bloody hands over the documents. Both of them would serve similar narrative roles as someone who Teruko once wanted to trust who then betrayed her. And, obviously, both of them would be characters who appeared to die in Chapter 1 who would then return to serve as the mastermind, which could be an out-of-universe parallel or an in-universe reference to how Junko portrayed herself in the Hope’s Peak Academy killing game. Using a time loop to bring your thought-to-be-dead mastermind back for Chapter 6 would be pretty sick, I have to say.

Similarly, both of their greatest flaws lie within the realm of characterization. Neither of them strike me as the particularly apathetic type– Xander still seems to care ferociously about doing what’s right, and Min sounded genuinely desperate as she pleaded for her life. It’s possible that they could have been acting, or some time-loop induced amnesia made them forget their true feelings, but either case would still be a major shift in character. If I had to pick one of them to be more likely, I’d probably go with Min? The speaker’s insistence that they know what’s up could match with Min’s scholarly attitude, and I like her increased connection to XF Tech as well as Teacher. However, I still feel that Xander would have the greater impact upon being brought back– Teruko grew closer to him than she did to Min, and other characters, such as David (if he’s still alive) would also likely have a greater reaction to Xander’s return– so for that reason, I kind of prefer him as well.

Despite the pros and cons of all fifteen other options, this theory is clearly the most straightforward if Teruko is the mastermind. You remove all elements of how someone would have to spring either the killing game or the time loop on Teruko, and allow her to make all of the plans herself. Whether it was fully intentional or not, “the killing game is all your fault” (italicization mine) would make the most sense in this scenario. Furthermore, Teruko definitely fits the attitude of the APQ. I don’t know when she would have said it– between loops, possibly?-- but I can totally imagine her outlining how she used to care, but constant suffering and betrayal caused her to corrode.

The real question here is just why she would have put herself in the killing game to begin with. My first thought was “go through a killing game an infinite number of times and somehow something will finally result in getting Teruko to die,” if Teruko wants to die. But, that sort of contradicts what probably-Xander had to say about “end the killing game or at least kill Teruko.” Because, if the killing game is intended to kill Teruko, then ending the killing game could mean Teruko doesn't die, not satisfying what's framed as the more important of the two goals. Maybe if he was just mistaken as to what the purpose of the game was…? Or, if the time loop leaned more on the magical side, maybe the loop itself is keeping Teruko in the killing game until she can learn to trust others, no matter how dire the consequences. These other Ultimates were looped in for… accuracy to Junko’s original, I suppose? Or, maybe Teruko threw them in as a form of punishment for their misdeeds.

Anyone who isn’t a part of a killing game, such as Elliot or Ryan, raises some questions about how the speaker could be “stuck in here” and communicating with those who are part of the time loop. The most obvious option in this category is Mai, simply due to being the most relevant to the plot. She’s heavily involved with the secrets hidden in the website’s code, just like the APQ, and we know from Teruko’s own quote that “some years ago, [Mai] was searching for someone named ‘Teruko Tawaki.’” We also don’t technically know what her Ultimate talent is (although I think it’s very likely to be Lucky Student), which leaves the door open for her talent to be something useful with regards to setting the time loop up. Even a second Lucky Student could create some sort of weird clash of the titans that resulted in a time loop.

A common argument against Mai being the mastermind is that she is, in all likelihood, dead. However, with a time loop in play, there’s the possibility of resurrection. It could even be the reason why Teruko (or whoever) created the time loop in the first place. However, even if it’s pretty likely that Mai could be involved in the conception of the time loop, I’m not sure if it would be in a way that made her the APQ speaker and/or the mastermind. For the former, it’s that same issue of not being in the killing game, and for the latter, I more so see someone else creating the killing game for her than her making it herself. Probably. I dunno, Mai is a mystery.

Given the criteria of “in a killing game,” it’s also possible that the APQ speaker could be one of the characters in the altDRDT cast, though presumably not Teacher. They would have the easiest path to talk to Teacher, as opposed to the regular DRDT cast, who may have more trouble accessing him. However, there’s basically no shot at anyone in the altDRDT cast being DRDT’s mastermind, other than maybe Teacher. None of those characters have appeared on DRDT’s main hub, its YouTube channel, at all. Suddenly unveiling one of those characters– who even the hardcore fans know very little about– as the mastermind would be pretty out of nowhere. So, to the extent that the mastermind was the one who set up the time loop, I don’t think that any of the altDRDT characters created the time loop.

I think that’s pretty much every viable time loop mastermind option. I don’t know if we really determined anything all too specific, but it’s nice to sort out where all our pieces lie. As I said, I think that Teruko is by far the most logical option under the assumption that the killing game and the time loop are connected in a way where they must have been created by the same person. However, there are definitely other possibilities if you allow yourself to think outside that box.

Why?

On to arguably the most important of the categories: why? It doesn’t matter how much logical sense a time loop would make in DRDT’s world if there’s no narrative reason for it to exist in the first place. How would adding a time loop to DRDT’s story improve its themes and messages?

Well, as I already discussed in the What? and Who? sections, many characters grapple with themes of an unchanging world. What better device to reflect that mentality than one that literally shows the same sequence repeating over and over again? The fantastical concept of a time loop could emphasize and heighten the mistrust that Teruko feels. Using the time loop in that way would assign a concrete obstacle to an internal struggle, much like how the killing game itself is a physical manifestation of the helplessness of despair. Writers often enjoy employing devices like these to have a more tangible end goal for the protagonist to notably vanquish. Knowing exactly what’s going on in Teruko’s mind at any given moment might be difficult, especially given DRDT’s format. But, if Teruko sends the time loop created by her own tragic expectations shattering to pieces, we’ll know she made progress.

Additionally, Danganronpa itself posed the question of why we as fans continue to be interested in the killing game formula after seeing it play out so many times. In v3, they framed the killing game as the 53rd in a series to further emphasize the repetitive nature of this ritual sacrifice. Putting DRDT in a time loop could accomplish a very similar goal. As Veronika theorized in Chapter 2 Episode 7, the killing game will only continue for as long as audiences are entertained by it. In a never ending time loop killing game, will fans always be able to find entertainment? What does that say about them…?

Having a killing game within a time loop is a unique premise, as far as I’m aware. I’ve never before seen a fangan that decided to incorporate that into its plot. (Although, that may be a symptom of fangans tending to fizzle out before the finish line.) Making a fangan stand out can be tricky, and although DRDT already has the advantage of being fully illustrated, partially voice acted, and shown in a video format, having a unique gimmick can be a point of inspiration and a sales pitch. Similarly, Ultimate Lucky Student is a talent often tackled, both by the canon games (twice) and by other fangans. If the time loop is related to Teruko’s luck, that would also be a memorable and creative interpretation of a commonplace talent.

As for how a time loop would actually impact the story as it is, the obstacle it creates would definitely raise the stakes high for a Chapter 6 Trial. Like, how the hell are they supposed to beat that? Reiterating what I said earlier, a time loop could also be a clever way to revive a character (or characters) who previously died. If one of the starting premises of DRDT was “what if I had a mastermind that appeared to die in ch1, only to strikingly return in the finale?”, a time loop could have been the method invented to make that happen.

So, in summary, yes, I think there is sufficient narrative support to justify the inclusion of a time loop in DRDT. Maybe I should’ve cleared this section out of the way earlier in the theory. Oh well, too late now. But, if I had the chance to start it all over again, maybe I could do things differently next time…! Or, maybe I’d wind up writing the same thing every time regardless…

Where?

It’s a little silly of me to co-opt the “Where?” section as basically a summary of how I think the time loop theory would best play out, but I have my reasons. “Where?” seeks to answer where the time loop originated, and who was in it when it started. Thus, with so much focus on how the time loop began, talking about the cause and result alongside that made sense to me. The full Accirax Time Loop Theory will be in blue below, with more discussion afterward to answer whether I believe in it or not. Closing Argument starts… now!

The Tragedy ended nearly 80 years ago, and the new American Hope’s Peak Academy was founded about 50 years after that. Some time between HPA’s founding and 13 years ago, an up-and-coming tech company– XF-Ture Tech– partnered with Hope’s Peak Academy to take a more scientific look at the origins of talent in young students, much like what happened in pre-Tragedy days. XF-Ture Tech already had their eyes on one promising youth, “XF,” who they prepared to send to the West Academy. To place a representative into the East Class, XF Tech encouraged Hope’s Peak Academy to host the Ultimate Contest, with the intention of rigging the exam to get their applicant of choice into the school. This wound up being Min Jeung, who was placed in East Class 27.

Whether because of XF Tech’s request or simply due to respect for the history of the Academy, Hope’s Peak also once again began admitting Ultimate Lucky Students into their program. Their two candidates for Class 27 were Teruko Tawaki, who was sent to the West Academy, and Mai Akasaki, who was sent to the East Academy. XF Tech was quite interested in both of the students, but particularly Teruko. The way that her bad luck affected not only herself, but others as well, was very reminiscent of Nagito Komaeda, a major historical figure in both the start and the end of the Tragedy. XF Tech told both Min and “XF” to look out for Teruko as best they could, making sure nothing would come to harm their new test subject, and prepared to begin experimenting on Teruko’s luck.

Meanwhile, in the East Class, Mai fit in swimmingly. She grew really close with all of her classmates, but particularly with Min and Xander. Mai had already begun searching for Teruko several years before they wound up being recruited at opposite Hope’s Peaks– possibly because of their shared connection to good and/or bad luck– so when she heard a bit more about Teruko from Min, her interest was piqued. Recruiting her favorite Rebel to the cause, Mai asked Xander to sneak around in Hope’s Peak Academy to learn more about what the connection between the Academy, XF-Ture Tech, and Teruko was.

What they learned in the documents was the reality of what was happening in the West Class: XF-Tech was intermittently running physical and mental tests on Teruko to determine exactly what the range and power of her curse-like abilities was. Could her raw Ultimate power rival that of someone like Nagito, or perhaps even Junko Enoshima? Throwing a few mediocre lives at that question would be well worth the answer, wouldn’t it…?

Using their social connections and financial power, XF-Ture Tech arranged for West Class 27 to be taken to a self-contained abandoned mall to begin their most dramatic test yet: seeing if Teruko’s luck would carry her through a killing game against other Ultimates, just as it could have for Nagito or Junko or as it did for Izuru Kamukura. The killing game commenced, and while Teruko might not have been a target from Day 1, at some point in the story, someone attempted to kill her. And… It worked.

What a disappointment. Was Teruko’s luck really so weak when push came to shove?

But then, something truly unexpected happened: the killing game began again. Unable to accept her death, Teruko’s luck engulfed the entire mall into a time loop, running the killing game over and over again until the results were satisfactory. The rest of the world moved forward in linear time as usual, but the mall was stuck in an infinite killing game. XF Tech, amazed and delighted, diverged all of their resources into the study of this phenomenon, protecting it closely.

Mai and Xander were horrified upon learning this, and knew that they had to do something to save West Class 27. Mai, Xander, and potentially some others ran over to the site of the test to see if they could break in, get further intel, change someone’s mind, or anything to get the killing game to stop. However, as they did, they were attacked by XF Tech’s security, resulting in Xander losing an eye… and Mai losing her life. At that moment, Xander vowed that, no matter what it took, he would end the killing game and save the rest of West 27… or, at the very least, kill Teruko to avenge Mai’s life.

Meanwhile, within the time loop, the deja vu (and possibly some comments from the XF Tech-controlled mascot?) began to make Teruko wise up to what was happening. While her original plan was to get along with everyone in the killing game, trusting them and being their hero, she found that every one of those routes led to death and personal tragedy/betrayal. Teruko learned that, if she stopped caring about others, she could at least cut down on the personal tragedy aspect.

Teacher, as a perceptive and intelligent soul, was the next to piece together that something about the killing game was unnatural based on Teruko’s behavior. In one loop, Teruko winds up saying the APQ to him, revealing her new attitude. Either Teruko or Teacher could fit the description of the Forever Dead boy with how their minds began to fracture.

Outside of the time loop, Xander formulated his new plan. When his village was eradicated, it was a case of the rich and powerful obliterating the little guy with their unmatched resources. To fight back, you have to become as big as your attackers. You can only defeat a time loop with a time loop. You can only save Ultimates by putting more Ultimates’ lives at risk.

Thankfully, it wasn’t too hard to motivate the rest of East Class 27 to join Xander in his crusade. Although he himself may have been a love-or-hate figure amidst his classmates, everyone loved Mai, and wanted to help fulfill her dying wish. Plus, in theory, the plan shouldn’t risk any of their lives. Weaponizing the time loop killing game’s unending nature against it, the goal was to repeat the killing game as many times as it takes until Teruko dies as the first victim. Her luck has to fail her at some point– it’s a corrupt system; it can be broken, argues Xander– and at that point, they’ll simply end the killing game with no other casualties. To make it easier on everyone else, Xander even promised to be the one to make the first move against Teruko, every time. He left a note on him when the time loop started to always remind him.

Anyways, using some combination of Xander’s determination, Charles’ science, J and/or David’s money, Whit and/or David’s connections, and remaining vestiges of Mai’s luck (LGI “original” Color Theory pulling through???), East Class 27 managed to break the abandoned mall time loop. They pulled Teruko into their own killing game, “masterminded” by Xander, in which her luck would hopefully be less of an obstacle. The DRDT killing game we’ve seen thus far could be their first attempt or their thousandth, but whatever the case, the plan to get Teruko to die as the first victim hasn’t succeeded thus far. It’s especially hard to get it to work when Teruko has the lingering thought in the back of her mind that she can’t be killed… and when Min still has a vague memory that she’s supposed to keep Teruko out of danger.

Even though the altDRDT cast, West Class 27, escaped the time loop, they aren’t out of the killing game woods just yet. The East Class managed to catch them mid-killing game, after two Trials passed. But, due to the confusion of the time loop, none of them can remember what happened in that particular iteration of the game, or Teruko’s disappearance, which leaves them at only 11 participants. Quite the mysterious circumstance, indeed…

That’s the best I could come up with. Got some points of concern? Me too! Here are the ones I’m thinking of right now:

Would HPA (presumably headed by “Ms. Naegi”) really allow XF-Tech to do anything remotely close to what I described to Teruko?

How would XF-Ture Tech have known enough about Teruko’s luck when Teruko was 5 to recruit Min (and “XF”) to be in the correct classes at the correct time?

Is XF-Ture Tech really that important to the story?

Is Mai actually that close to Min and Xander specifically, or are we just biased because those are the two Bonus Episodes we’ve seen thus far?

Didn't Mai and Teruko have a more extensive connection than what was described? (Matching tattoos, phone charms)

Why would Teruko’s luck create a time loop specifically? Why wouldn't it come up with some other way to save her?

Why would the time loop only be constrained to the mall?

Would Xander ever be willing to come that close to sacrificing innocents’ lives for the plan?

Would the entire DRDT cast really be willing to risk their time, if nothing else, to enter a killing game just to "avenge" Mai?

What could they have actually done against Teruko’s luck to break the mall time loop?

How could they have guaranteed that another time loop would begin if they managed to steal Teruko?

Where did MonoTV come from?

Why would the students have themed the killing game around TV?

Why would they throw the embarrassing secrets motive into their killing game if it was only meant to kill Teruko/that “round” theoretically shouldn’t even happen?

Why would Xander not have written the kill Teruko Tawaki note to himself? (He probably didn’t based on the handwriting)

If not Teruko’s death, what marker would signal the loop point of the DRDT killing game? Whenever the killing game seems to end?

What motive would XF-Ture Tech have to (presumably) continue the altDRDT killing game after the time loop is broken and Teruko is gone?

Why does altDRDT have NG code bracelets?

I could probably come up with more, but these are all the major questions I could think of at the moment. While not a “question,” per se, another point of contention for some would be that this would make Xander the mastermind of DRDT. It’s not a huge point of contention for me, both because 1) an off-the-wall situation like this is exactly what I think Xander would need to properly capitalize off of any narrative setup he may have for being the mastermind, and 2) @/sentinel-kinjo made a really good point in the replies of my DRDT mastermind post that definitely had me questioning whether I should’ve put Xander (and Charles) higher.

Anyways, despite all this effort– or maybe because of it– I think I personally don’t really believe in the theory that DRDT is part of a time loop. Somewhat like the Arei dress-up theory, I feel like there are too many oddities currently left unanswered for the theory to be actually viable. Unlike the Arei dress-up theory, though, I think that this one has far more potential to become correct via us receiving more information that either fills in some of our plot holes or reroutes the plot to avoid some of the biggest grievances.

The only thing I really like from this theory is that the altDRDT cast is West Class 27, AKA Teruko’s class. That’s gonna be my new personal headcanon until proven otherwise.

I’m not the only one who’s noticed that the DRDT fandom has been feeling a little sleepy (Min reference) lately, so thank you, anon, for helping to keep me cooking on the series during this semi-down period. …Even if it took me, like, two months to actually finish. Thank you for your patience, as well.

And thank you to everyone for reading this far! I think my mastermind theory still wound up being longer than this (although it’s hard to tell with the pictures), but this one is still a doozy. Also, if you have anything to add on or argue against, please share your thoughts in the comments or a reblog! I’d love to hear others’ thoughts, especially given how loosely defined the time loop theory was. Whether you do or don’t, I hope you enjoyed. See you at the next inexplicably long analysis!

[yandere-kokeshi]

Do you write headcanon? If so, could you write yandere alejandro headcanon?? thank u <33

— Yandere headcanons of Alejandro Vargas

Warnings: Yandere behavior, stalking, military stuff. DM to let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: AHHH!!! Yesss, tysm anon!! I'm so sad he's so underrated. Hope you enjoy!

His behavior consists of being overprotective, possessive, and extremely clingy. While Alejandro flirts with you, he tries to keep it subtle and gives hints that he likes you; which, at times, gives you the impression he does this to everyone he meets.

It’s quite possible that you already have a friendship with him — working alongside him in the Mexican Special Army or helping him with the TF-Ghost Team.

But, that doesn’t mean you could be outside the campus! You could be a civilian he saved from someone following you, scaring them off with his booming voice and offering to walk you home; which, you politely took as he’s the damn colonel. Or possibly he came to a restaurant with Rodolfo and saw you there as his waiter, infatuated with the way you walked and talked; staring at you like a deer.

Either way, you’ve caught the attention of a man who’s determined to get you swooped off your feet with him.

85% of your time during the day is with him, through and through. Whenever you wanna hang out at some place, he’s right beside you and ordering drinks for the both of you; his arm resting behind you as his fingers graze gently against your back.

He's a gentleman, offering to pay for everything and anything. Went to an expensive restaurant? He's paying. Wanting to hang out with your friends? Sure! Why don't let him come along? Plus, he gets to see your friends.

Speaking of friends, Alejandro keeps tabs on everyone that you encounter, even if your with your childhood friend; he'll check their background and see if they're fit for you.

Alejandro is extremely protective. Even before he takes you, he makes sure you're able to defend yourself; have 1–1 training to make sure you can take down someone twice your size.

Though, this man is the definition of berserk if you get hurt or simply get yelled at on the street. He’s not beyond hurting someone if they threaten you, let alone touch you or even speak an ounce of disrespect in front of him.

While this man is full of determination, it’s a whole new step when it comes to you. He will go far beyond to make sure you’re safe and in his hold. Way safer than being around anyone else who isn’t capable of protecting you.

Alejandro is very skilled, not only in combat but watching you from afar. He loves to admire you, watch your hair blow in the wind or simply see you smile with others. It’s another skipped heartbeat if and when you laugh with him.

His obsession starts to shatter when he sees you smiling, simply laughing at a joke with someone; it could be a friend, possibly a customer, or your lover. Whoever it is, he's immediately planning to take you for him.

Alejandro would kidnap you within a few months (1-4 months max). He would simply come up with a few lies; if you're in the military, he would purposely make you come up as M.I.A. Though if you're a civilian, he'd come up that you suddenly disappeared, to suddenly reappear; coming from being trafficked or being kidnapped, being saved by this man.

Though, when he finally decides to take you. He makes sure to make it as harmless as possible. Possibly spiking your drink,

When you wake up in a comfortable bed, birds chirping in the background and covered in thin sheets; he immediately comes in and announces his love to you.

Whether how you take it is up to you. Though, much like Ghosts headcanon, you are not chained to the bed. Alejandro would hate to hurt you more than he already have.

But, he will use his strength and power to make you stay obedient. Though, if you dare to challenge him, he's always liked your blunt and bratty side.

While he's very possessive, he still allows you to keep in contact with friends and family. Even then, it's possible they've already met him, completely head over heels with him at how romantic and amazing he is. This also includes of you leaving the home, as long as you stay near him and keep contact; he doesn't mind.

His affection is shown in many ways: buying gifts, making food, and verbally and physically telling you he loves you. The two of you normally come home with him having three or more bags full of goodies for you. He absolutely adores spoiling you like no other.

Cuddle sessions to the max. Alejandro cannot keep his hands off you once he arrives home. He'll kiss your hand, chin, forehead, and head often. You won't be able to watch a show by yourself without him plopping himself near you, squeezing and kissing your body while mumbling love words to you.

While he’s out and about, being occupied with his duties. He will occasionally ask Rodolfo to stop by the home and check up on you. Which is at least a few times a day.

The both of you are likely good friends, or simply well acquainted where the two of you feel comfortable being near each other. Normally, he will stay to help you with anything and than be on his way to tell Alejandro about you.

—

My masterlist || Reblogs, comments, and likes are very much appreciated!! Stay well!!

Do not plagiarize, repost, modify, translate or copy my work.

[bubblybloob]

Hey, so this kind of turned into a vent. Be wary going in, but it’s important if you engage some with my stuff. I think I’ve been thinking about it more as btg has become more active, and wanted to get it all off my chest.

I’ve wanted to bring this up for a while now, after my popularity grew. I’m sure some people have noticed my lack of joy at the 500 followers milestone, and the 600 one, but it’s a bit more complicated than on the surface.

So, there was something I haven’t really mentioned. It wasn’t ever really a secret, I just didn’t feel it was important, and was always taught it was dangerous to talk about and to dance around the subject if brought up. But I’ve noticed that the people on Tumblr find this kind of important to know when interacting. I know people on here can get really hostile, and this kind of became a secret because of that. I don’t know if it’s bad that I haven’t said anything or not, but I thought I should still make a post anyway.

So, I’m, in my country, since I know it might be younger or older in other places, a minor.

Okay most important stuff first. Yes, I’ve said or drawn mildly suggestive stuff, that’s mostly because I’m very unaffected by it and find it more amusing (I might be a little ace idk), though I do purposely keep stuff I make mostly tame simply because like- still technically a kid. I’ve seen stuff far more suggestive from afar before and just nod and say “mm, yes, that exists” and indifferently move the hell on with my life.

Being part of the STP community has been really strange for me and not all in good ways. I hate hate hate people looking up to me, or being jealous, or having anxiety talking to me because- in my head- I’m just doing everything and talking to everyone I can because I like making stuff and talking to people, and I feel so uncomfortable up on this pedestal where I’m held so high, but if I make one wrong step I’ll have tomatos thrown at me. It’s a really claustrophobic and isolating position and feeling and it makes me feel sick, anxious, stressed, and really really scared.

I like the community I’m in and friends I’ve made, but I’m really afraid I’ll say something unusual or wrong or maybe even offensive since I don’t know everything I’m supposed to say or do. I don’t know how to act when someone’s depressed, I don’t know how people feel about shipping, or designs for characters who canonically don’t have a physical appearance, or what the opinion is on all of the nsfw content. I do the Homer Simpson bush meme whenever I see it pop up because if there’s something that I do know, it’s that people don’t want minors reading their blorbos being sexy with each other.

(Side note: The amount of times I’ve accidentally clicked on an explicit fic thinking ‘Oo what’s this’ and then seeing what’s going to happen is… not staggering, actually. But enough for me to laugh in hindsight. I scroll to the bottom to read the comments to confirm my suspicions, and get the hell out. Happened with the same fics multiple times too because I forgot they were explicit and that I’d encountered them in the first place, wondered why I never read them and then boom, flashback, I never read the description like the fool I am).

And there’s the thing isn’t it. Some parts of fandom culture, it feels like all I can do is mess up. I just don’t know how I can handle all the fear of this attention?

Like, I don’t hate it. I like interacting, I like that people love my art despite my grievances with parts of my style, I’ve been so motivated to grow and get better because of everyone. You can all look at my oldest STP post and newest one and see the differences plainly.

But it’s really so much, and I’m as grateful as I am terrified. I’m terrified of hurting someone’s feelings when I don’t mean to. Like, what if I follow someone and they get excited because I’m a “big name” and then I decide to unfollow for whatever reason I might have at the time? I might crush that person’s soul or want to interact.

Despite my willingness, I do have problems with some ships, but I can’t voice any because what if I start a big argument with a bunch of people involved instead of the normal discussion I wanted to have? People are more likely to take my side because I’m the popular person, and we all know popular people are always right about everything and we must regurgitate their opinions without any thought put into how you actually feel. And then I’ll make whoever I was talking to retreat for a really long time, and everything will be awful and terrible forever and ever.

I can’t do that to people! I’ve been those people! I’ve was told things by people I looked up to and would get so so so upset, because I’m really emotional. I don’t want to hurt someone who might be sensitive like me.

I really just wanted to get all these feelings off my chest. Sorry if it got pretty venty. I’m open to discussing it, I’m still really scared to post this, it’s my only ever vent post, but I’ll try not to just save it in my drafts and let it rot.

[aroace-poly-show]

When does Sadness!Siffrin realize they're with the party again? Is it a sudden realization or a slow, gradual one?

sorry in advance this became a big sadfrin fight ramble (i’ve been thinking about this forever can you tell.) i tried to break it up a bit but it is a huge wall of me yapping on and on so tldr: party talks to him while they’re fighting trying to remind him it’s Them and they might be hurt but they still love him and don’t want to be fighting him or hurt him and siffrin is having Such a good time about this (distressed and confused like a stray abused animal being shown love) and flinches and gives the party and opening to pin him down. tears are shed (mostly by siffrin) but hey! at least he’s not trying to kill them anymore

as in like. recognizing its them. its like. gradual? and as slow as it can be during a fight to the death so;kljhdfj

its during their first encounter with everyone and them instinctively fighting everyone, because thats all they think to do now. their instincts are to attack practically anything that moves. no one Wants to attack siffrin, even in self defense, except for odile. i think i’ve mentioned part of this before? idk. but based off the bigfrin fight she wouldn’t be opposed to attacking in self defense, especially if she doesn’t know if this is even siffrin anymore. she also doesn’t want to attack, but what else is there to do? as far as she can tell, this isn’t siffrin anymore. this is a sadness attacking them, a strong one at that, and theres no way anyone here knows of to turn a sadness back, especially not in enough time to still be able to fight the king. it’s a really high stress situation with no time to try and brainstorm solutions that could be time consuming that might not even work, risking her and her allies lives, all to save an ally (who not even a day ago insulted them all to their faces) who might not even be able to be brought back? she’s not taking that risk. so she talks the rest of the party into attacking (albeit very very unwillingly. no one is happy about this) and eventually they get siffrin down but! whoopsies! he can loop back. wuh oh. thats not good.

(the way siffrins loops here are like. the way loop loops back during their fight? where they loop themselves but not siffrin, so they have all their health but siffrin does not, works the same here with siffrin recovering but the party does not. yk?) anyway the party now has to figure out what the crab to do now.

and like. the progression of siffrin going from mindless attacking to Not trying to kill them starts with bonnie where siffrin gets a bit knocked around and bit too close to bonnie and Would have a perfect opportunity to attack them but bonnie has that same expression they had back when siffrin jumped in to save them from that sadness and lost his eye and siffrin gets this overwhelming instinct to protect them. and bonnie notices the way his face changes for a second before looping back and fighting again. and no one listens to them when bonnie tries to tell them to stop attacking siffrin so they decide the best idea is to jump right in front of siffrin who’s about to attack. and siffrin doesn’t! he trips over himself trying to move so he doesn’t hurt bonnie and while bonnie’s celebrating that they were right and its still siffrin and the party is in shock over 1. the amount of danger bonnie just put themselves in and 2. holy shit siffrin really didn’t attack them do they have a chance at helping him??? siffrin over in his corner is having a teeny tiny breakdown between the part of his brain in attack mode and the other part like “holy fuck we almost just hurt a child we promised to protect”

the rest of the fight is simpler its just. party members taking turns talking to (or more like at) siffrin to show they stilllove him and dont want to be hurting him and dont want to kill him, and they want him to let them help him. all these words of love actually serve to make siffrin more distressed bc he’s literally just come out of the mal du pays fight convinced he was unloved and hated, has only been attacking and killing whatever he comes across and is now fighting things that both fight back, HAVENT died yet, and are talking to him???? and saying they love him?????? its all very overwhelming and confusing so he goes from being a really collected and ruthless enemy to being more like a feral animal pushed into a corner. so with all this going on and his attacks being more scattered and frantic he eventually gives the party an opening and they take it with mira knocking his dagger away and odile doing her sick ass stopping time craft thing and isa pinning him down and yay!! its over!! everyone is exhausted but glad to have finished!! siffrin is sobbing pathetically on the ground!! woooo!!!! but yeah around this point he gets past his whole bloodlust kill kill kill instinct and chills out. sorry for rambling this much i’m ill

[bloodiedrogue]

DO I KNOW YOU? (3)

SUMMARY: Miguel's been showing up at your house for months. And yet, you still have no idea who he is.

PAIRING: Miguel O'Hara & Female Reader

WORD COUNT: 4,810

WARNINGS: Angst, all hurt no comfort (sorry folks, I promise the comfort is coming just be patient), enemies-to-lovers adjacent, descriptions of a panic attack/dissociate behaviours.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, this chapter gave me such grief I'm just so fucking glad it's over. Enjoy! Please! For the sake of my sanity. :')

CHAPTER LIST / LAST CHAPTER / MASTERLIST

-

It’s been nearly two months since that first encounter. Two months of random, bloodied drop-ins, and you still have no idea who Miguel really is. 

At this point, you’ve spent weeks wondering. Every time you look at him it’s like you’re met with this overwhelming desire to discover new information —to explore the contents of his brain in a way that makes your own begin to race at the thought. Like you’re cracking some kind of code. Oftentimes, it takes over you entirely, pushing you further and further over that established boundary line towards the impending doom of another late-night argument neither of you wants to have. So far, it’s happened six times, each argument worse than the last, but despite that, you refuse to give up. 

“Okay, how about two truths, one lie?”

“Seriously?” 

Each time he shows up at your house battered and bruised, you find yourself coming up with new ways to attempt extorting information. Sometimes you outright ask, hoping he’ll simply give in. Sometimes you resort to bribery. Tonight though, after several weeks of partially un-consented arrivals, you’ve decided to try your luck with a game.

“No.”

Or not. 

“No?”

“I come here to rest, not play games.” 

“Okay well, house rules.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not, actually. House rules state you have to participate if you continue crashing on my couch.” 

Without missing a beat, he snorts, throwing his head back against the couch in frustration —something he always does whenever you’re being annoying and he isn’t sure how to proceed. 

“You know I’m still not gonna tell you anything.”

You hum and turn to face him, watching his head fall to the side to look at you. 

He’s got the kind of face that could make a baby cry. Not because he’s scary or unattractive but because he’s mean. With constantly downturned eyebrows and a frown so deep you can see the wrinkles already starting to form, he’s perfected the unimpressed face. The one that always has you second-guessing your intentions at least for a second. 

“Do you know the rules or do I have to explain them?”

“I’m sure I can guess what the rules are.” 

“Good, you want to go first or—“

“You go.”

You can’t help but grin as he motions towards you, offering his palm into the space between. For once it’s bare, along with the rest of his arm. Usually, he always shows up in his suit and nothing else but after last week's incident of almost indecent exposure, you figured you’d offer him something more comfortable from Peter’s closet.

“Okay, two truths, one lie, two truths, one lie…” 

He watches you closely as you slip further into the couch, your brows knitting together as you try to come up with a plausible set of facts, knowing it shouldn’t be that hard. Like you, he knows very little. Sure, he has the slightest advantage of constantly making himself present inside your apartment but like him, you haven’t revealed any big secrets —no defining factors of your personality that could give him the upper hand.

So far, the playing field seems pretty even.

“Okay, my favourite meal of the day is breakfast. Blue Moon by Billie Holiday is my favourite song. I work as a geneticist, specifically in R&D.” 

You raise a finger with each fact you list, noticing the way Miguel’s brow rises ever so slightly with each passing one. By the end, he looks almost surprised by your choices, as if somehow he pegged you as someone completely different. 

“A geneticist. That’s tough work.” 

“It is.” 

“Can I ask a follow up question or is that against house rules?”

You ponder for a minute, taking slight enjoyment over the way his expression slowly becomes more annoyed as time passes. “I’ll give you one.”

“Do you like your job?”

It’s an off-putting question considering the end goal of the game. Its abruptness throwing you off as you stare, confused, taking in the way his overall posture sort of relaxes under your gaze. Like his question, its change is immediate. His body slipping into the couch as he pulls his arms across his chest, mirroring your position. 

He looks weirdly calm —tranquil in a way that has you feeling a bit happy that he isn’t on edge like he usually is. 

“Sometimes.” 

“Why not all the time?” 

You open your mouth to respond but quickly close it. You said one question, not two and you stand by that. 

For some reason it makes him smile once he realizes this. His mouth falling open to reveal those fangs you’ve slowly grown used to —the ones that nearly made your heart jump out of your chest at first glance all those weeks ago. It was his second night staying over that you’d noticed them. You were grabbing all the usual items to aid Miguel’s injuries when he let them slip between his teeth in the form of a yawn, prompting you to nearly drop the scotch in your hand. 

It was embarrassing for the both of you but you never spoke about it, instead choosing to sweep it under the rug in favour of another argument about why he was there in the first place.

“Your turn.”

“Hm.”

He takes his time curating his answers, focusing on the space in front of him with such intense eyes you almost wonder if he’s doing it to annoy you. 

Honestly, you wouldn’t put it past him. As time’s gone on, you’ve learned that Miguel is quite the pusher. The kind of guy who can get a rise out of anyone with very little effort. All he has to do is say a few choice words and inevitably an altercation will arise out of nowhere.

You’re certain it’s a Spider-Man thing because as wonderfully caring as your brother is, most of the time he’s always had the same ability. As kids, he could crawl underneath your skin with just one look and to this day, despite winning your fair share of fights, Peter still lands supreme in overall standings. 

“I’m Spider-Man.” 

You want to punch him in the gut but refrain, noticing the smirk that creeps across his face. 

“My name is Miguel.”

“Oh, my god…”

“And I’d like a scotch, please.” 

This time you really do reach out to punch him, feeling his fist wrap around your own before you can even think to retract. Against your skin, it’s warm —hot even and slick with the kind of sweat that has you pulling away in embarrassment. 

In response, Miguel merely snorts and recrosses his arms over his chest, looking as smug as ever as you stand up, opting to fulfil his wishes. 

“You’re lucky I also want scotch.” 

“Wait, but what if that’s the lie?” 

His tone is dripping in the kind of sarcasm you’re unwilling to entertain as you perform your usual route. Grumpily, you grab two stacked glasses and the neck of the bottle, rolling your eyes when you plop back down, motioning for him to do it himself. 

“I feel like house rules should apply to the owner as well,” he mumbles, reaching over to grab the bottle. Popping it open, he hums to himself as he pours each of you a glass, ignoring the way your jaw tightens at the prospect of yet another night without information. 

“You know it’s kind of unfair that you keep showing up unannounced and refuse to tell me literally anything about you.” 

In unison you grab your drinks and settle, staring at each other with offensive expressions that you can feel escalating —building in tension.

“I told you I can’t,” he says, sighing and sipping and ultimately trying his best not to disturb the one night of peace you’ve managed to have so far. 

“Why not?”

“Because it’s classified.” 

You groan. 

It’s the same answer he gives every time. That’s classified, this is classified, sorry all of my personal details are classified! Every time you hear him say it you want to rip your own ears off and eat them. To scream at the top of your lungs because it’s so unfair that you’re this nice to him. This giving —and for what?

Aside from Peter, if he were anyone else you’d tell them to pack it up and take their baggage elsewhere, barely batting an eye as they left. Closing up the window, you’d smack your palms together as if you took out the trash and go to bed, never to think about their presence again.

You’re not sure why Miguel is different. Why you continue to let him in night after fucking night, regardless of the hour. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s a part of your brother’s overall safety or because you think Peter will get mad at you if you don’t. 

Regardless, it still doesn’t make sense considering the nature of your relationship. The lack of ability to communicate genuinely. Every conversation you have with one another is snarky and laced with daggers aimed to kill. There’s nothing of value to redeem. Nothing to make whatever this is worth it as you stare at each other angrily, trying to defy the constant wall that sets you both apart. 

“God, you are so—“

“What?”

You drop your glass onto the table and move your hands into the air, extending your fingers out as you shake them in frustration, groaning. 

He’s so fucking confusing, you decide then. Conceited and awful and stupid. Ungrateful too, remembering the fact that he’s never actually thanked you for letting him stay over —for being there whenever he arrives, willing to plaster up the pieces of his broken body. 

Without question you’re always at the window, peeling it open with tired hands that later pour him drinks and feed him pills and fucking wash his wounds, and not a single time has he ever thanked you.

“Selfish.” 

You see the impact of your words on his face. As he looks over, his eyes go from immediate belligerence to apologetic, his brows lowering in confusion. Awkwardly, his frame sort of slips, causing him to cave in on himself as he slowly looks away, making you realize he might actually be sorry this time. 

“I know I’m not a part of your secret society,” you tell him, waiting for something —anything, knowing deep down it’ll never come. “But this is my house. My home.” 

“Okay, and?”

His tone doesn’t match the expression on his face. Devoid of anything sympathetic, he sounds like a dog being backed into a corner, canines fully out to defend; his face transitioning into that same old scowl that makes you feel insane for even attempting this time and time again. 

“I don’t know you, Miguel! You’re a stranger and you’re in my house all the time!” 

“You’re the one who lets me in!”

“Okay, and?”

Repeating his words back to him feels like a bit of a low blow but it’s all you got. You’ve already had this same conversation countless times. All that’s needed to be said has been, and if he can’t understand that you’re not sure you can keep doing this. 

Sure, he may be Peter’s superior but he’s certainly not yours. He doesn’t dictate what you can and can’t do and he certainly doesn’t have the right to assume he’s allowed entrance into your home without at least a little exchange of trust. 

“Listen, I get the whole keeping the universes separate bullshit —believe me, I hear about it from Peter at least a zillion times a week. But I don’t know you —I don’t know who you are or what your deal is and it’s getting kind of weird.”

His jaw shifts, loosening ever so slightly at the calmness of your words. 

Oftentimes, during these moments, you find the volume of your voice surpassing the level you want. With him, whenever an argument erupts, it’s like something completely foreign takes over and all attempts to quell the anger inside are shot dead in their tracks. 

“All I want is something —anything. I’m not talking trade secrets. I’m talking like, uh…” You pause, trying to rack your brain for something easy and boring. Something he’d be willing to give up. “What do you do for a living when you’re not Spider-Man?”

“What do I do for a living?” 

He sounds almost offended, as if you’ve just asked the stupidest question on the planet but you refuse to falter, staring at him with interest in your eyes. 

“Out of all the questions in the universe, that’s the one you want to go with?”

“Is there a problem with it?” 

“Uh, yeah, it’s boring.”

“Okay, then answer it.”

“No.” 

Oh, for fuck's sake.

“You know, talking to you is like talking to fucking wall!” 

Suddenly you’re standing up and reaching for your glass, taking a moment to throw the contents back in one swift dip. As it goes down it burns your throat, making you cringe and smack your mouth around before grabbing the bottle and pouring yourself another glass. 

“I mean, am I crazy?”

“I’m going to assume that’s a rhetorical question.” 

Ignoring him, you down another glass and begin to pace, your mind racing to piece together everything that’s happened between you. Right now the details are fuzzy —whizzing past your head in rapid succession but they’re there. Taunting you from every angle. Reminding you that, yeah, you’re definitely crazy for letting this stranger into your house. For giving him so much when he returns so little. For assuming that offering up even an inkling of kindness would gain you anything but absolute bullshit in return.

“Am I crazy for wanting to know why you’re always here? Why, even when you’ve barely been touched by another one of your stupid anomalies, you always show up in the middle of the night?”

He’s silently staring, looking up through his lashes at your outburst. Somehow throughout it all his face remains completely neutral, barely a muscle out of place as you continue your rant, yelling about him and how he doesn’t care about you —how he’s just using you for something you don’t even understand. 

By the end of it, you’re nearly in tears, gripping the glass in your hand so tight you’re certain it’s about to break. Everything is tense and hot and despite the calmness that washes over your face once you’re done, inside you’re messy. A mixture of emotions you can’t quite place as you watch Miguel stand up, take the glass out of your hand, and slowly lean in. 

“In every universe you are infuriating. Every single one. In my experience, there’s not a single one out there that you reside in that isn’t filled with a rage I haven’t understood. You think I want to keep secrets from you? You think I don’t want to tell you everything each time I step through that window?” 

He’s so close you can feel his breath against your face.

“I know you don’t think I know you, but I do. Trust me.” 

“How?” 

Something in him changes then. A switch of some kind flipping mid-thought, causing him to back away and look towards the window in your bedroom. “I know your favourite meal of the day is breakfast because it reminds you of mornings with Ben,” he says, still looking, avoiding your gaze entirely as your brows perk up. “I know that your favourite song is Blue Moon because it’s on that album that May used to play when she’d do all the housework.” 

There’s no way he knows that based on you in other universes. Taking into account the few spider people you've met, it's obvious everyone is slightly different. Not all of them look and act the same so Peter must’ve told him about you —about your childhood and how the two of you were practically raised on bacon, eggs and Billie Holiday. It’s the only plausible excuse for how confident he is in all of this. 

In how when he finally looks at you with sympathy in his eyes.

“I know you’re a geneticist but your focus isn’t R&D —it’s biotech. I know this cause—“

He stops before he can even begin to explain, leaving you wanting. Yearning. Your mind and heart working in panicked tandem to get him to talk as he rapidly blinks and looks around. 

It’s obvious then that he’s said too much. For a little too long he ran his mouth and now he’s about to suffer the consequences in the form of anxious movements that have him sidestepping around you and moving towards the exit. 

Out of habit, you tell him to stop —to wait for just a second but like Miguel, he doesn’t listen. Doesn’t stop in hesitation as you stand frozen in the middle of the living room, watching his suit form directly over the clothes you let him borrow as he opens the window and leaves.

-

How do you move on from this? 

It’s a question you ask yourself as you lie on the floor, eyes shut tight. Your breath is heavy. Underneath the weight of the information that’s suddenly been thrust upon you, it’s hard to form steadied breaths. Your chest shaking; twitching as you count your breaths and try to come up with a solution. 

You could talk to Peter. Maybe get him to convince Miguel to come back. You know it’s probably the most unlikely outcome but you’re awfully stubborn and Peter’s always been the type to at least hear you out before he inevitably says no. If you could just form enough of a case to get him to help, maybe then he’d take enough pity on you.

Ugh, probably not. Peter’s nice but not that nice, especially when it comes to all his Spider-Man stuff. Aside from the aftermath of fights, he likes to keep all that separate —says it’s easier to keep you safe. The less you know the better and all that bullshit. 

Groaning, you press your palms against your eyes to try and get your brain to focus. To come up with something good and convincing. Something that’ll really tug on his heartstrings or—

You hear the lock of the front door click. Sitting up, you drop your hands to the floor and twist, watching as it opens to reveal a very tired, civilian-looking Peter with the messiest hair you’ve probably ever seen.

“Hey.”

“Hi."

As he steps further into the room, he yawns and throws his stuff onto the floor near the entrance, narrowing his eyes as you quickly shuffle into a standing position. 

“Why were you on the floor?”

“Just stretching.” 

“On hardwood?” 

He looks at you like you’re crazy as he passes by, making a beeline for the kitchen. Once there, he opens the cupboard and grabs a couple of protein bars, opening one almost immediately. 

“It’s good for your back.”

Raising his brow, he takes a suspicious bite, watching the way you fiddle with your hands. You’ve never been a good liar. At least, not with him. Over the years you’ve learned to lie for Peter —to always have an excuse ready for when he’s late or unable to show up at all— but never to feed him false information. It’s too hard with that stupid spider sense of his.

“How was work?” 

You’re not sure if he’s changing the subject to fish for further info or to actually progress the conversation, so you merely shrug, offering him a dull fine as you cross your arms over your chest. 

“Just fine?”

“Mhm.”

Usually fine is enough to get him to stop. As time’s gone on he’s learned to understand the limits of your responses —how fine usually means fuck off rather than yes now please ask me more. Right now though, it’s obvious he knows something’s up. That beneath it all you’re hiding something in plain sight. He can see it in the way you struggle to answer his question. How you press your lips together and awkwardly look away, trying to come up with some sort of placeholder response. 

“Any reason why?”

For a moment you think about coming clean right then and there. You think about telling him about Miguel’s most recent visit and how it went from zero to one hundred all the way back to zero in the span of minutes. It’s not like he’d be that mad, right? Besides, Miguel’s the one in charge, so all that information about knowing you and how you’re infuriating was told to you by him —not Peter. Therefore, no dirt on his hands, right?

But then you think of Peter and how he’s a firm believer in boundaries. How, since day one, he made it clear to you that he never wanted you getting involved in this life. That it was too dangerous for someone so fragile.

At first, you were pissed, mostly because you hated the idea of your little brother being stronger than you, but slowly you began to understand that he was a part of this whole other world you’d never be able to experience. A world too brutal for your stupid unmodified body to handle. 

The same world Miguel is in. The same world other universe you is maybe in too. A thought that makes you wonder if maybe this is all pointless, because regardless of who you try to convince —Peter or Miguel— ultimately one of them will deny you the right. 

The statistics are there, stacked against you, so instead of continuing like you want you just sigh, accepting defeat. (For now.) 

“Exhausting. Harry was on another rampage.”

“About what?”

“Time constraints. Apparently Norman’s on our ass about wanting this project finished so he can present it to some new board.” 

“For funding?”

You nod, watching him finish the rest of his bar and move on to the next. “I guess there’s this new company that wants in? I don’t know. Norman refuses to tell us but Harry says they’re some sort of start up.” 

“Interesting.” 

You pray to god that the details you’re giving him are enough to deter him. To keep him here in this conversation so that he doesn’t decide to explore any further. 

“Did Harry give you a name at all?”

You shake your head.

“Hm.”

The gears in his head are turning then. He’s got that far-off look in his eye he always gets when something piques his interest a little too hard. The one that makes the lids of his eyes sort of slip to the halfway point while his jaw falls slack. Whenever it happens you have to hold in a laugh because he always looks so ridiculous, like he’s about to fall asleep, even though it’s obvious he’s just focusing a little too hard for his brain to remember how to properly present his face. 

“You good?”

“Yup.” He takes another bite, finishing off the second bar before throwing the wrappers in the trash under the sink. “Just tired.” 

Immediately you take this as an opportunity to shift the conversation further onto him. To distract yourself from the creeping thought that’s telling you to keep trying. “Rough day?”

He nods and instinctively both of you move towards the couch, sitting on your usual sides.

“Two robberies and a car chase.”

“Yikes.”

“And in the middle of the chase Jonah kept calling me asking me to get pictures of Spider-Man so afterwards I had to stage some.”

“Were they any good?”

He scrunches up his face which tells you they weren’t.

“Well, at least it’s over?” you offer, flashing him a fake grin that falls once you hear that familiar beeping in his backpack. 

Immediately, it shifts your mind back to Miguel. To how his breath felt against your skin with each accidental confession. You remember how awful it made you feel, standing so close to him, the rage inside his chest reaching out to touch your own. 

Thinking back, it suddenly dawns on you how quiet it all was. How the words tumbling from his lips somehow barely registered through the anxious ringing of your ears. And how regardless of the small, yet empty space between you made you feel like you were being enveloped entirely. You can still imagine every movement of his lips. The curling motions formed over statements you’ll never get the answers to. 

Watching Peter jump from the couch to his bag you’re reminded of this. Taunted by it as he pulls out that stupid watch and Miguel’s masked face suddenly appears, telling him there’s another anomaly in some world you’ve never heard of. 

It makes your skin itch, hearing his voice again. The way it strains through the hologram, prompting Peter to spring into action, ripping both his hoodie and shirt over his head to reveal that familiar spider emblem that now makes you sick to your stomach. 

“I’m, uh —I gotta—“ 

As he hooks a thumb over his shoulder you merely nod, watching the way he sort of perks up at your acceptance. 

“Get home safe,” you tell him then, watching the frantic movements of his hands pulling off the rest of his outer shell until he’s reaching into the front pocket of his backpack to grab his mask.

After he puts it on you lose all focus, wondering how the hell you’re supposed to move on from this. How every day moving forward you’re going to have to sit on the sidelines, watching him live while you’re forced to forget.

It’s not fair, is it?

You can feel the sting of tears beginning to form as you stare at Peter messing with the watch on his wrist. Quicker than you can think to suppress them, they begin to pool at every corner, threatening to break free as your front door suddenly becomes obscured by a warm-toned, octagonal portal. 

“I’ll call you as soon as I get home,” he tells you. 

Pressing your lips together, all you can do is nod, forcing yourself to remain as calm as possible as he waves goodbye and steps through, leaving you there to stare at the now empty space that continues to glow; the portal’s reflection dancing across the room. 

Delicately, it flickers in and out as its existence begins to dwindle, reminding you that once again you’re alone, feeling the same effects of another spider person abandoning you in favour of something bigger than yourself. 

It feels weird to admit you’re jealous. That the envy that creeps through your veins feels familiar yet foreign as you wipe your eyes and cough out the sob that’s been sitting in your throat. 

Embarrassingly, you have to force yourself not to let it overtake you as you stand from the couch and move towards the portal, suddenly feeling the urge to jump in after him.

He’d surely kill you if you did. He and Miguel and probably any other spider person present. These portals aren’t meant for you. Everyone involved has made that very clear that you’re not meant to know about this life and the way it works. 

And yet, as you inch closer the temptation grows. Filling you with a thousand what if’s as you reach out to graze the light dancing before you.

It tingles against your fingertips like static, bouncing off each cell of skin at such high speeds you have to force your hand back in shock, laughing.

“What the…”

You push your hand out again, noticing the portal begin to decrease in size, its slow-moving layers starting to cave in on themselves the longer you stand there staring. Waiting. Debating whether or not to take the plunge into the unknown. 

Not going in should be the obvious choice. Inter-dimensional travel is something you always anticipated to be a myth, so there’s no telling the actual science behind it now that it’s so obviously not. If you step in you could easily die —come out the other side a complete scramble of decomposed elements. You could lose your memories or simple motor functions or the entirety of your soul. Anything’s possible. 

In fact, the only thing you’re certain of is the argument that will inevitably ensue if you manage to make it. It’ll be a big one —an unforgivable one filled with consequences you aren’t sure you’ll be able to handle. Peter will probably give you the silent treatment for a while, if not indefinitely, and Miguel will most likely yell at you until you’re deaf.

Still standing there, watching the portal become smaller and smaller you debate the worth of it all. The potential outcomes and how maybe, for once, it might be best to fight for something you want rather than run away like you usually do. 

It’d certainly make for an interesting experience if you come out of this alive, right?

-

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[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Wasted 7

Warnings: drug dealing/use, violence, noncon, and the usual. Proceed with caution.

Feedback is always welcome. Love you and thanks for the wonderful responses so far.♥♥♥♥

The other girl in this one is from Black Light

Part of The Club AU

The lug of a brute of a douche shoves you through the doors and flings you towards the curb. You stagger and feel the heel of your shoe bend precariously. No way. You look down and check that it hasn’t snapped. These are nice shoes.

“Hey,” you turn on him as your friend puts her arms out to steady herself, “you don’t have to be rude.”

“Go,” he tilts his head, pointing at your companion, “both of you.”

“You coulda broke my shoe.”

“Leave,” he snarls.

You puff and flutter your lashes. You look over at your partner in crime then back to the burly bouncer. You squint as you see how he watches her fix her wig as it slumps forward on her head. You stuck your teeth and chuckle.

“Bro, she’s not into you, and she’s not gonna be if you keep being a dick,” you spout.

“What? I’m not– go!” He sputters.

You cackle and signal to the other girl. You can’t believe it. He’s acting like some schoolyard bully. He probably read a book on negging and thought it would help work through his insecurity. No amount of manipulation can make him tolerable. The scar isn’t bad, it’s his personality that’s repugnant.

“Come on,” you grab Snickerdoodle, “we’ll figure something else out.”

“Don’t come back,” he growls.

“Don’t come back,” you mimic in a bellowy voice, “dumbass.”

You drag your friend away and she waves, “oh, bye!”

You yank her up beside you and shake your head, “you don’t have to be nice to that jackass.”

“He’s just doing his job.”

“He’s an asshole,” you insist, “he sees someone who can feel more than self-pity and spite and he can’t stand it. Don’t let him get to you. You're too good for him.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I just… he does have a way of picking you out in a crowd,” you say, “men don’t usually mature past adolescence, you know?”

“Oh… well, I was thinking, it’s probably not anything like that. Because that would be kinda weird, but my theory, so you know he has that cool scar and he probably thinks it’s ugly so he tries to protect himself by being mean and scary. Like, I read somewhere, this thing; hurt people hurt people.”

“Jesus,” you roll your eyes, “tell me you don’t have live, laugh, love on your wall.”

“Hmmm, I put it in the wrong order. I thought it was love, laugh, live, because love always comes first.”

You laugh but she’s not amused. You stop and look at her in the yellow cast of the streetlight as you pass beneath it. 

“Sorry, I’m not laughing at you.”

“I know, I do things backwards,” she shrugs.

“No, not backwards, just your own way,” you nudge her gently, “don’t worry about it. We’re done with that place.”

“But… but that guy– wait, are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” you shake your head and hold back a shudder, “just some scummy dealer…” you swallow as you continue around the corner, “thanks for coming to find me.”

“That’s what friends are for,” she trills, “you wanna sleepover? I have cookie dough!”

You chew your cheek. She’s sweet, too nice for you. Yet the hope in her voice makes it hard to deny. Besides, you know how much is hurts to be left behind by people you thought were your friends.

“Sure,” you take her hand, “but I get to choose the movie.”

🍸

The sleepover doesn’t involve much sleeping. You doze for about twenty minutes during the showing of Mean Girls but wake to the imaginary weight of a hand around your throat. The man, the one referred to as Buck, haunts your mind with his gritty threats. Both encounters mingle in a twisted nightmare that has you restless.

Snickerdoodle tosses and turns but is otherwise passed out beside you. She hugs a stuffed yeti in her arms as she snores gently into its fluffy head. There’s a certain bravery to her so boldly following her own tune. 

You sit up and gently leave her. You grab your phone and bite your thumb as you scroll without reading. You’re not going to give up. That asshole deserves vengeance but you know you can’t bring her into it again. She doesn’t deserve that.

You don’t need to get into the club, you just have to wait him out. When he’s least expecting it you’ll get him. You don’t know what you’ll do but you have time to figure it out.

You languish in the silence. You close your eyes and see him again, you hear his snarls, you feel his grimy hands. And that powerlessness returns to you. Your chest knots up as the memory of gravel chafing through your shirt speckles across your skin. The echo of your own pathetic pleas roll through your head.

You can’t just wallow in that one night. It won’t define you. You’ve survived worse for longer. Just keep going, like you always do.

You move around awkwardly, tiptoeing as you find your purse and ease open the door. You creep down the hallway and past the closed doors of the slumbering suburban house. You bring up google maps and search for the closest coffee shop. The least you can do is wake your new friend up with something sweet. You do owe her after all.

[burningblizzard224]

Odysseus wakes up, his head pounding like the waves that crashed against the wooden walls of the ship the days prior. Though unlike his head, the ship has a steadiness to it.

They’re landed. Somewhere.

Eurylochus sits near his side.

Odysseus starts looking at his before his gaze is matched.

“Good morning captain. It sounded as though the monsters you found in your dream match the ones we’ve been fighting on his journey.”

Oddy appears a little tense, as though still not sure if this is real or not. “The monster in my dreams was worse than anything we’ve faced. One which I have laid my trust in for years. And as the time passes, the thoughts of him do not.”

Eury nods his head, though he doesn’t fully understand. “Though I know not such monster, I’m sure it is one we can slay together.”

The waves here are quite, splashing against the sand, and breaking against the tail of the ship with the soft sprinkle of droplets raining.

“The monster is one that is so present in my mind yet I can’t even see it’s face. A voice that burned me when I thought it was kindness, in a place of comfort which I found myself in. One id never return. As I no longer find comfort in the land of darkness.”

Eurylochus, who finally is starting to understand is still found loss. As not understanding is easier than comforting. “Well brother, this monster doesn’t appear to be harming you now” he stands to his feet and offers a hand. Which Oddy takes as they stand up.

“Much time must’ve passed since then, if it is a monster that we haven’t encountered together. By the sounds it’s a monster that has more damage as you realize that it was filled with poison. But we’ve survived, adapted, and changed from when we met. That I am sure it is only your own mind that you trapped yourself in. Because the brother I know is healthy and strong, and knows when there is danger in their heart that they’re letting in. The time where it hurt you has long past. So why does it haunt you? I suggestive you take time to realize why you are hurting from something that is so far.”

Odyssey now searching what lay ahead on the island their beaches on, searching for words to respond with, searching for a single reason is quite for some time.

“A monster which i don’t remember, yet is so heavy on mind. Who’s claws have left scars that have never fully healed isn’t one so easily let go.

The years of salt water in my mouth haven’t washed away it’s foul taste.

Monsters that have been far more challenging might as well be specs of dust.

Yet this one still remains. And i don’t know why. I wish I could answer you my brother. But I can hardly remember the story.”

“Then tell me every detail, every swing of sword and claw that you can remember. Be truthful to yourself so you can heal the scars that you bare. Find the reason your mind is a fire scape in your dreams.”

[riddles-n-games]

Hey guys! Here is another canon theory; Jameson and the fear of rejection. Now, we’re gonna ignore The Brothers Hawthorne for a bit but we’ll get to that soon. Right now, let me jog your memory back to TIG and THL. In the first book, we are introduced to the sensitive topic of the missing fathers, all of whom are of  mysterious natures and at that time, unknown to the brothers. Jamie clearly is touchy with this subject and refers to drinking as his typical go-to mind numbing but we are also introduced to his character’s avoidance tactics; deflect, pretend it doesn’t matter or hurt, use dark humor, drink, etc. Anything just to deny there are feelings at risk and this goes for several topics, hinting at the type of crises he’s going through. 

However, it’s when we get to The Hawthorne Legacy that things get really interesting. When we find out that Grayson and Jameson went to Phoenix to meet with Sheffield, you can just feel how affected he sounded when he asks him, “You think we’re here for money?” I can literally hear the shock in his voice as I reread that scene. And then take the scene after that encounter, when Avery meets up with him for the first time at True North. How he recounts with anger that the man rejected his son so easily, disregarding him with no feeling, you see that Jameson’s reaction to the whole thing clues us into something. Now, maybe the thing we think of as the first conclusion through Avery’s perspective is the fact that there is vulnerability and he’s letting it hurt. However, I think it also points to something bigger, like a fear, the fear of rejection.

Whatever Jameson has been feeling and perceiving about his own father up to that moment, just so much as imagining that first meeting with him, this interaction that he witnessed between his brother and his father has sealed the deal for him. It’s not going to be good and maybe it’s best not knowing him. And to be fair, he had every right to think that because his father has also kept away. This is also the strongest piece of evidence so far but unfortunately we don’t see more of it until a lot later. 

The Final Gambit doesn’t really infer anything; yes, we know that Jameson’s father was the only one left out of the main series mystery and set up the likelihood of his appearance in The Brothers Hawthorne but there isn’t anything that really goes back to the topic of Jameson and his absentee dad in the book is what I’m saying. Off page we can likely guess that with Jameson learning Xander’s father, Isaiah, was accepting of his brother then we can believe that he was happy for Xan but also maybe jealous and yet having a little bit of hope. And we know that Jameson would likely be terrified of that hope because it doesn’t guarantee anything.

Now we finally turn to The Brothers Hawthorne. After a full series of only subtle hints and brief scenes to explore this subject, we get to see from Jameson’s POV, firsthand, the rough sentiment he has for his father. The spiraling conversation that is the first meeting between Ian Johnstone-Jameson and Jamie is a downright shame to see as everything that we saw play out with Gray’s father repeats  itself. In true fashion, Jameson’s pain is constantly pushed to the side by his mantra, “Don’t let it hurt. Turn it into a game.” but we know that this is basically what he was fearing; rejection. If anything, he knew this was coming but he wanted to do it first so he could walk away feeling nothing even though that too would have been a lie. 

But Nash was right in telling him that he couldn’t walk away from his father the way he did, unaffected. And I’m sure that in many cases Jameson wished that things wouldn’t affect him but no matter the amount of times he “made it a game”, he felt things strongly buried beneath all that. He just doesn’t have that in him and that’s fine, we’re all human after all. But what wasn’t fine was his father being so horrendously apathetic to him especially in some instances where he refers to Jameson as his son. He knows how much weight that title carries, the acknowledgment that maybe Jameson tells himself he doesn’t need but still craves despite that. Ian knew exactly how to play him to get him to do as he wished and of course, Jameson was left in the dust but he didn’t give in to the hopelessness he felt. But he wasn’t quite abandoned either.

Probably the most heartbreaking part is that when Jameson’s uncle starts scolding him and blatantly tells him he cares for him, this boy is trying to reject this offer of safety and the first sense of paternal love being gestured to him without any impartiality. He has internalized this need to deflect because how many times was the reward too good to be true? Too many. But with Branford pushing forward we see this love being extended forward to him may just be the first step of many on a new journey which could allow Jameson to finally let go of the fear and to heal.

[celestiall0tus]

Tales of Bloody Bug and Chat Noir - Chapter 44 - Commence

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            Bloody Bug moved through the city as she searched the usual haunts of the guys she looked for. She hadn’t seen any except for Ivan out with Mylene as they got some ice cream from Andre’s ice cream cart. She leapt down and approached the pair.

            “Our mighty hero, Bloody Bug! Come for an ice cream?” Andre cheered.

            “Maybe later, big guy. I’m here on business. An investigation and I need to speak with this gentleman right here,” Bloody Bug said as she motioned to Ivan.

            “M-me?” Ivan asked.

            “Can I join you two?” Mylene asked.

            “W-wait…!” Ivan protested

            “Fine by me. Come alone with me.”

            Mylene grabbed Ivan’s hand as they followed Bloody Bug to an empty alley. Ivan opened his mouth, but Bloody Bug held up her hand as Mylene transformed into Hydra. Ivan’s jaw dropped as Hydra scooped him up and they headed to an isolated area on the outskirts.

            “This seems a little far, doesn’t it?” Hydra commented.

            “Yeah, well, I want to be careful and not feel a thousand eyes on me. Especially for this.”

            Bloody Bug took off the panja bracelet and handed it out to Ivan. Ivan raised a brow while Hydra’s eyes lit up.

            “Ivan, you get to be a hero with me!” Hydra cheered.

            “Wait, really?”

            “Should you accept this burden. I’m sure you’ve seen the news, seen the results of the recent battle with Mayura. Cat and I failed as fusions, but a team succeeded. We’ve been ordered to hand out the last of the jewels to build a team to take on Mayura. It’s dangerous, you could get hurt, but I trust you,” Bloody Bug explained.

            “Could I possibly die?” Ivan asked.

            Bloody Bug inhaled, then sighed. “There’s a chance. There’s always that chance.”

            “But it’ll be ok! You have me and everyone else. Isn’t that right?” Hydra exclaimed.

            “Yes. Furthermore, you’re not to engage Mayura alone. Should you encounter her, inform the team and we will handle her together. So, Ivan Bruel, do you accept?” Bloody Bug asked.

            Ivan grimaced and looked down at Hydra. “You’ll be at my side always?”

            “Always, my big teddy bear,” Hydra cooed.

            Ivan blushed and hugged Hydra before he took the panja bracelet.

            “Welcome to the team. Now, would either of you know where I could find the Marc, Nathaniel, Kim, or Max?”

            Ivan raised a brow while Hydra nodded.

            “We saw Kim and Max heading into the zoo earlier. I think it was the one that Alya’s dad works at. Nathaniel said something about plans with Marc at a café near Jardin des Plantes.”

            Bloody Bug nodded and headed off to find them. She scouted the first café, 2B Café, but didn’t see them. She checked Le Petit Café with no luck before she headed to Le Café Parisien where she found Nathaniel and Marc. She stepped inside and up to their table. They both gawked up at her along with the rest of the establishment. She opened her mouth when she heard a few cat calls and wolf whistles followed by crude remarks.

            Bloody Bug curled her lip as her eye twitched. “Right, you two. I have evidence that you have information I need regarding an investigation. I ask that you two come with me.”

            “What is-?” Marc started.

            Nathaniel jumped up. “Yes! And after can we interview you? Please?”

            “We’ll see how far we get, Tomato.”

            “Tomato? That’s-.”

            Bloody Bug threw Nathaniel over her shoulder as she scooped Marc up in her free arm. She headed for the door when a thousand eyes fell on her. She shook herself as she turned back to the room. She scanned it for anything unusual but didn’t see anything. She frowned as the feeling persisted as she stepped outside.

            “Hold on tight, lanky boy,” Bloody Bug muttered.

            Marc held on tight as Bloody Bug leapt up. She dashed and jumped through the city out to the outskirts until the feeling of the eyes faded. She let out a breath and put the boys down. They groaned and collapsed onto the ground.

            “That was… a wild ride,” Marc commented.

            “Sorry, boys. Something is watching me today and I can’t be too careful. Especially with what I’m about to ask.”

            Nathaniel and Marc raised their brows as Bloody Bug held out the snake bracelet for Marc and the fox necklace for Nathaniel.

            “Wait, are these like your earrings and Chat Noir’s ring that Hawkmoth wanted?” Nathaniel asked.

            “Yes. Nathaniel, I am trusting you with the power of illusions while, Marc, I’m trusting you with the power of second chances. You will use these to help us bring down Mayura, if you choose to accept them.”

            Nathaniel grinned and snatched the necklace while Marc hesitated.

            “This sounds… really dangerous,” Marc whispered.

            “It is, but that comes with the territory of doing anything right. However, that shouldn’t stop us from them. Tell me, do you want these villains to stop and return life to normal?” Bloody Bug asked.

            Marc considered and nodded.

            “Then help me. Take a stand and help me put an end to all this. Help me give everyone their happy ending. Including you two.”

            Marc’s eyes widened as they darted over to Nathaniel, then back at the bracelet. He hesitated before he reached out and took it.

            “Be careful moving forward. You are not to engage Mayura alone. Should you encounter her, inform the team, and we will work together to bring her down. Understood?”

            Nathaniel and Marc nodded.

            “Thank you. Now, you’ll have to excuse me. I have two more jewels to give out and another to get back. Then I need to make things right.”

            “Wait! Make things right with who?” Nathaniel asked.

            “Someone who’s life I destroyed just by existing.”

            Bloody Bug left Nathaniel and Marc before Nathaniel could get another question out. She headed for the zoo that Otis Cesaire worked at. She scanned the area and found Kim taunting a panther while Max stood beside him. She landed on the railing between them as Kim went on about how he’s faster than any wild cat. She rolled her eyes, grabbed his throat, and pulled him in close.

            “You are a fucking arrogant dumbass that couldn’t be bothered to think for a split second about how stupid you sound right now, fool. Enough heckling a damn beast because you and pint-sized are coming with me,” Bloody Bug hissed.

            “Pint-sized? Are you referring to me? I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m sure I’m taller than you,” Max commented.

            Bloody Bug deadpanned as she threw Kim over her shoulder and scooped up Max before she headed back out to the city outskirts. She placed them down as Max collapsed.

            “Quite the thrill ride there, Bloody Bug. Uh, we won’t be doing that again, will we?” Max asked.

            “No. You’ll be getting yourselves home with these,” Bloody Bug said as she held out the last two jewels.

            “Woah! What are these?” Kim asked.

            Max hummed. “By chance, would these be related to the jewels Kim told me about after his Dark Cupid experience?”

            “They are. Kim, we’re reluctantly trusting you with the power in power invulnerably. Max, we’re trusting you with the power of multiplication. If you accept, you are to help us in bringing Mayura down.”

            “What about Hawkmoth?” Max asked.

            “He is no longer a threat to worry about. Mayura is though. She’ll be a dangerous foe, and I’ll understand if you’re afraid to-.”

            “Afraid? Me? Ha! I’m not afraid of anything. Give me that ring thing!” Kim yelled as he snatched the nose ring.

            Bloody Bug and Max watched Kim fight with getting the nose ring on. Kim got it in, spoke with Stompp, and transformed. Bloody Bug and Max raised their brows seeing Kim’s clothes become a set of maroon athletic techwear jacket and pants, a white shirt, and ox-themed running shoes. His mohawk was dyed red as a pair of golden bull horns adorned his head. He laughed and cheered as he ran around like a kid in a candy store. They both deadpanned and looked at each other.

            “So, will you…?” Bloody Bug started.

            “Yes. I’ll take the necklace.”

            “Thank you. And uh, good luck with that.”

            “I’m going to need it. See you on the battlefield, Bloody Bug.”

            Bloody Bug nodded and headed off in search of Marinette. She stopped in first at the bakery and received a warm welcome as she stepped inside.

            “There’s our hero! Come, Bloody Bug, I have something to show you!” Tom called from the register.

            “Make it quick, please. I’m-,” Bloody Bug started.

            “Of course! You are a busy woman protecting all of Paris. I wanted to thank you for everything you and your team has done, so I started making these!”

            Tom stepped back to unveil a display case with different pastries themed after the heroes. Ladybug creampuffs, black cat eclairs, bee chouquettes, mini rabbit loaves, rooster tarts, fluffy Pomeranian croissants, pig scones, turtle beignets, and goat cupcakes. The patrons buzzed as Bloody Bug felt all their eyes on her along with the return of the thousand eyes.

            “Would… would these be available? You know, to purchase?”

            Tom’s face lit up. “Of course! Special order only. With the first one for our fearless hero on the house.”

            “No, no. You don’t need to do that. I can pay.”

            “Nonsense! For everything you’ve done for this city and my daughter, this is just the least I can do.”

            Guilt gnawed at Bloody Bug and left her hollow. She opened her mouth, but Tom cut her off.

            “In fact, my little girl helped me make these. She’s so talented. Don’t you agree?”

            “Uh, yeah. Uh, speaking of, where is she?”

            “Oh, she left for a date a little while ago. She’s going to the movies with the Agreste boy.”

            The bakery erupted in gasps and excited buzzing. Bile churned in Bloody Bug’s stomach as she fought to keep it down.

            “Ah, well. I’ll have to catch her later. Say, when could I get some of these special pastries? Namely the chouquettes first. And possibly the dog croissants and bun loaves?”

            “I can have them ready by the end of the day.”

            “Cool. I’ll swing by later then. Uh, later!”

            Bloody Bug retreated from the bakery and searched for Marinette. Bile rose and lumped in her throat as she couldn’t shake the many eyes on her. She ignored them when she found Marinette and Felix masquerading as Adrien nearing a nearby movie theater. She took a deep breath and landed in front of them. Everyone gasped and jumped back as they gawked at her.

            “Bloody Bug? What are you-?” Marinette started.

            Bloody Bug ignored Marinette and pushed between Marinette and Felix. “You need to head back to the Agreste mansion, Felix.”

            “Felix? Uh, Bloody Bug, that’s…,” Marinette attempted.

            “Open your eyes, Marinette. This is Felix. Adrien is currently at home utterly distraught. He just received some devastating news that destroyed him. I would wager he could use his cousin along with his girlfriend.”

            Felix’s eyes darkened with fear as he nodded. “He will also need his sister, an ankle biter named Alix Kubdel.”

            Bloody Bug’s eye twitched. “If I see her, I’ll inform her. However, I have business with this young lady with our Mayura investigation. If you don’t mind, I’ll be taking her with me while you see to your cousin.”

            “Fine. Everything’s ruined already anyway.”

            Bloody Bug nodded as she scooped up Marinette. She didn’t head to the outskirts, but to Marinette’s rooftop balcony. She put Marinette down as Marinette took a seat on the lounger.

            “So, uh, what do I owe this visit? Did I do something?” Marinette asked.

            Bloody Bug stared at Marinette for a moment, then sighed. She knelt and looked up at Marinette. “I have to ask something, and I’m begging you to be honest with me. Why have you sided with Mayura?”

            Shock and fear plastered all over Marinette’s face. She fought to contain it, but it was too much. “I… I don’t know what you mean. I’m… I’m with you guys. Ever since you freed me of her, I’ve been on your side.”

            “We got rid of the toy she gave you. That doesn’t mean you were freed of her. You went back to her, didn’t you? She made you something new, didn’t she?”

            “What? No. I’d have no reason when I have… I have Luka.”

            Bloody Bug sighed and stood. “Marinette, I know you did. I know you went back to her and asked for a new toy. I know she made one with the peacock and goat.”

            Marinette paled as she pursed her lips and remained silent.

            “I just want to know why, Marinette. Why do you go back to her? Why do you need Adrien so much that you’d take a copy?”

            Marinette looked down. “Isn’t it obvious? I love him. I love him so much, but he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t see how much I love him. I could give him all my love, but he chose Sabrina over me. All I want is him and to shower him with love, but he won’t let me.”

            Bloody Bug felt the full weight of the eyes on her as she considered her words. “What about Luka? Why do you lead him on if you only love Adrien? From my understanding, he loves you, but you don’t love him.”

            “It was the only way to get everyone to shut up. All I heard from them was I needed to let Adrien go, I should look for someone else, Luka likes you, why not him. I just thought I could get them to stop. I thought I could get Alya back if they just… if they thought I had moved on.”

            “But you never did. You lead him on instead, hurting him more.”

            “I didn’t-! I didn’t mean to! I just… he’s not Adrien. He never will be. And all I want is Adrien. That’s why… that’s why when Mayura came… I just… I just….”

            The weight of the eyes were near unbearable for Bloody Bug as Marinette broke down. She glanced around but saw only her and Marinette. She hummed and sat beside Marinette.

            “So, what now?” Bloody Bug asked.

            “I… I just want Adrien. I just-.”

            “Is it Adrien you want, or just people to want you?”

            “What do you mean?”

            “Sounds like you gave up everything in the pursuit of Adrien. Your friends, any connections you had, anything if it meant him. So much that you were willing to make a deal with a devil.”

            “What? No! Mayura isn’t like that! She just… she wanted to help me. She gave me exactly what I wanted. She gave me Adrien.”

            “But he wasn’t real.”

            “I don’t care! I had someone I could care about. I had someone I could love. And they loved and cared about me! It wasn’t like with Kim who tricked me and hurt me. Him and his stupid pranks. I thought… I thought…!”

            Marinette broke down again. Bloody Bug frowned as she reached out to comfort Marinette when she stood up.

            “I thought when I met Adrien, he was the one. Thunder rolled and lightning striked. It was love at first sight. I was determined, but then Hawkmoth went and ruined everything. He gave me those powers when Alix was stealing Adrien from me, and again for the same reason, but I don’t even remember what I did that second time. And now Adrien hates me, won’t even look my way. I just wanted to love him, and now he won’t even look at me!”

            Marinette wailed as she crumbled to the floor. Bloody Bug pinched the bridge of her nose as thunder rumbled in the distance. She sighed and moved to the floor with Marinette to wrap this up.

            “Marinette, I’m sorry for what happened. It’s unfortunate what happened, but we can’t change what happened. We just… we just need to live with it. Mistakes and all.”

            “But I don’t want to. I just want Adrien. I just want to be loved.”

            “I know, and it sucks. There’s a lot of things I’ve done that I regret now, but I have to live with them. It’s just part of life to learn to live with the bad things. We may not like them, they’re ugly, but refusing they were a part of us is a disservice to who we were and where we came from. I think you can see it, can’t you? A few short months ago I was yelling at you and not listening to a word you said.”

            Marinette sniffled. “It seems longer.”

            Bloody Bug chuckled. “Yeah, yeah it does. Hard believe I’m here listening to you cry about wanting to be loved. Not that there’s anything wrong. Hell, come to find out, that’s something I wanted all along too.”

            “It… it is?”

            “Yeah. Hard to tell when you’re busy pushing people away and building walls so high that no one can get in. But some asshats are too stubborn to give up and squirm their way in. As much as I tried to keep them at bay, I couldn’t deny I craved that closeness again. Now that I have it, I can’t imagine why I tried to live without it.”

            “Lucky. Everyone… everyone that loved me is gone. All I have is… is….”

            “Well, not everyone is gone.”

            “What do you mean?”

            Bloody Bug stood and held out her hand. “You still have me. Let’s amend the past and move forward into the future, together.”

            Marinette hesitated. “What if… what if you hate me again? What if you leave me again too? What if-?”

            “Easy, Marinette. We’ll cross those bridges when they come. No point dwelling on them now. Only make things worse, and we can’t be doing that right now. So, what do you say?”

            Marinette considered before she took Bloody Bug’s hand. Bloody Bug smiled and pulled Marinette to her feet. Marinette glanced up at Bloody Bug, then at the floor.

            “I’m… I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I just… I love him. I want to be with him.”

            “I know. I want to make one thing clear, I won’t help you in that pursuit. If you pursue him, that’s all you. However, I will be here every few days to check on you. And, unfortunately, since you were involved with Mayura afterwards, I will need the goat clips back.”

            Marinette grimaced and fidgeted with her hands. “I… I don’t have them anymore.”

            “What?”

            “She… she came and took them this morning. Said I could keep them and lose my… or give them to her and keep my… oh, I’m so sorry.”

            Bloody Bug prickled with annoyance from the news and unease from the eyes. “It’s… well, fuck, it’s not alright. Dammit. Alright, fine. Just… just be careful, ok?”

            “Will you still come by in a few days?”

            “Yes. I’ll see you then, Marinette.”

            Bloody Bug waved and headed out. She landed atop a building several blocks away before she took out her yo-yo. She slid it up and scrolled through her contacts. She saw some of the boys were transformed with the names “Ox”, “Mouse”, “Fox”, and “Snake” in her list. She ignored them and tried to find Porcelet but saw Gallic Chick. She groaned and dialed Gallic Chick. She waited a few rings before Gallic Chick picked up.

            “The mighty and incredible Gallic Chick speaking. How may I help you?”

            “Where are you?”

            “Oh, well hello to you too, Bloody Bug. How are you doing?”

            “Stressed. Where is Porcelet and where are you?”

            “Porcelet is currently comforting a very distraught Adrien. I, on the other hand, just finished my report to the emergency services before they carted Gabriel’s barely alive body away.”

            “Please tell me you didn’t let certain information out yet.”

            “Oh, heavens no. Amelie specifically asked that I didn’t so she could figure out what to do. Something about concern for Adrien falling under her protection, house, assets, legal stuff, you know.”

            “Thank goodness. What about the brooch?”

            “What brooch?”

            “The butterfly brooch. His miraculous. Didn’t you or Porcelet get it?”

            “Uh, no.”

            “Fuck. Get that brooch. We cannot allow another to fall into Mayura’s hands.”

            “Another?”

            “Look, I’ll explain later. Can you… can you just go to Chat Noir or Porcelet, whoever, and ask them to message Pom Pom to meet me atop Notre Dame Catherdral?”

            “Oh, is someone in trouble? You should be. You did almost die, again.”

            “Concerns ignored for now, Gallic Chick. Just tell Pom Pom, please. I need to talk to her, and I told her I’d talk later. Well, later is here and I want to get this over with.”

            “Fine. Don’t know why you can’t do it yourself, but fine.”

            Bloody Bug’s eye twitched as she hung up the call. She took several deep breaths to case the frustration away while the unease of the eyes remained. She shook herself as she headed off to the Cathedral.

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[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Oh No! Here Comes Trouble Bus Meta eps 4-10

That’s right, Whomst is BACK, my Lost Tomb fics-in-progress are THRIVING, and this new show is shaping up to be one of my favorite series of the year: it’s the heartbreaking supernatural storylines, it’s the humor and actors’ chemistry, and importantly, it’s the way the show is telling us so much without saying a word.

So here’s another post *flings it into the tumblr abyss* because this show is sneakily showing us Yiyong and Guangyan’s relationship growth through the metaphor of the Taipei public bus system. They’re insane for it and I’m insane for rewatching all the episodes to find scenes where these idiots are on a bus together.

The Bus as a Site of Trauma

It's significant that buses are an important site already for Yiyong, before the main events of the drama begin. A bus was the site of his worst memory, the bus crash that killed his father and landed Yiyong and his grandfather in the hospital, the bus they were on because Yiyong slept in (which he hasn't forgiven himself for).

The main reason Yiyong wasn’t hurt worse or killed, as far as I can tell, is because he moved out of the path of the collision just before it happened—his kind dad urged him to go have a seat in the back rather than stand. It's the last communication he has with his father--silent, a text message, a surly teen grudgingly listening to his parent. And then the freak accident happens, the plane collides with the bus, and Yiyong's world collapses.

So what about post-coma, when he starts riding the bus again?

When he’s alone, he's returning to and grieving the memory of his dad’s last moments. When he’s with Guangyan, however, the experience is different.

First Bus Stop Encounter: Ep 4

Things are tense between them here—it’s their first case together (tattoo lady), and Guangyan is still in denial about what the hell is going on right in front of his sweater vest. I love my fussy, self-absorbed neurotic meow meow.

These boys are still not friends, they are constantly thinking back to and remembering their high school drama years, BUT this is also the episode where the nature of the supernatural case makes Guangyan’s curiosity overcomes his fear and dislike of Yiyong; on the other side of it, Yiyong—still figuring out his own deal as an on-call spectral scribe—gets the reassurance of another person who knows what’s going on and can help. Despite the mutual antagonism, he always acknowledges that Guangyan is smart, and he could use a braincell or two on this team (so sad he won't get it).

The very awkward beginning to their bond is apparent here in the way Yiyong (freshly unemployed) has waited for Guangyan’s bus back from school to get his input, but has to threaten him into walking back together and helping out.

First Bus Ride Together: Still Ep 4

On the way back from looking at the John Doe body, they ride the bus together—but start out sitting far apart. They’ve only just started working together to figure out what happened to the John Doe, so it’s incredibly awkward and there’s a lack of communication between them.

However, we can see the beginnings of a softening between them. Behold Guangyan’s little pout when he sees Yiyong hasn’t come to sit with him. His house cat energy is off the charts here: “I hate him I hate him I hate—WHY ISN’T HE SITTING WITH ME???”

Yiyong, who has clearly not picked up on Anything and is still in case mode, casually starts yelling to Guangyan right there and then about corpses (I love him and his complete lack of care for what people think) and the flustered Guangyan scurries over to sit with him to have this conversation privately, for the love of god.

It’s the first time they sit together and it’s important that Guangyan is the one to initiate it, even if it stems from his fear of what people will think of them.

We still see the pole dividing them, but they’re physically closer now. Yiyong is already using and trusting Guangyan's medical knowledge, and even though they're in the "one step forward, two steps back" phase, it's a start.

The Second Bus Ride Together: Ep 6

The next time is completely different—they’re on their little “stalk the potential kidnapper” date and Guangyan, whose chaotic side is jumping out this episode, is on his usual quest to have Yiyong draw the specter for him.

They’re practically squished in together, with mirroring postures. The pole is now to one side, setting them apart from everyone else.

This is the day that Guangyan skips school to follow Yiyong to a theme park, which we know from his dad is completely out of character. He even comes home with a souvenir toy Yiyong won for him. This is a dynamic that is starting to change.

The Second Bus Stop Encounter: Ep 7

Yiyong’s grandfather has nearly died, and he decides a pre-med student is the best person to get for medical advice. It’s a way of saying without saying, “I trust you, please help me,” which takes the form of Yiyong frantically dragging Guangyan off his bus to school while berating him for not answering his phone. Gotta love this messy little gremlin.

The interesting thing is that Guangyan actually capitulates and goes with him, despite the little performance of protest—he skips school again to be with Yiyong.

The Third Bus Ride Together: Still Ep 7

On their way back from the hospital, we get a fantastic reversal of the first bus ride, where the boys sat down apart and only talked about medical questions. Here, the second they get on the bus, Yiyong casually drags Guangyan to sit with him. He asks Guangyan to video chat with him to help him with a dream, and even gives Guangyan an absent-minded shoulder pat on his way off the bus.

For all his “never in all my life” pearls-clutching act, Guangyan goes along with it and they are once again a united front.

The Third Bus Stop Encounter: Ep 10

Our final bus scene so far (episode 11 and 12 don’t come out until Saturday) is a reversal of the very first “waiting for Guangyan’s bus” scene (see the first bus stop encounter above). The poses are essentially the same, but everything else has changed--the camera view has switched so Yiyong is now on the left and Guangyan is on the right, it's daytime instead of nighttime, and their relationship has grown leaps and bounds.

Look at my babies. The Growth. The fact that they are sitting close together, not because they’re squished into bus seats (plenty of room on that bench, Guangyan honey), but by choice. It’s all about the we statements now, Guangyan has been out there defending Yiyong to the world and Yiyong no longer has to drag him into things, he has a real friend now. They've shared a bed multiple times, Guangyan knows Yiyong's favorite foods, Yiyong has apologized and been vulnerable in front of him...they are at the same bus stop as the beginning of their re-acquaintance, but miles away from what they used to be.

AND it’s in this scene that Guangyan gives Yiyong the cutest, tiniest little smile in response to Yiyong’s sarcastic joke, which absolutely spooks our boy. I know this is supposedly not a BL, but Yiyong’s response that Guangyan shouldn’t make such weird faces at him because it is giving him goosebumps, and abruptly walking away—mmhmm sweetie I’ve been there too.

SO. That’s the bus sequence. I might come back and update this if we get more bus scenes in eps 10 and 11. This will not be my last post on this fantastic show.

[tahopo]

This isn’t a jab or anything but pure curiosity but your Cousland was the ambassador to Orlais. Aren’t the Couslands huge royalists and basically Orlesian killing machines? And as far as I know, Eleanor is practically known for being one. I can’t quite see her and Bryce allowing that let alone the bannorn. I could see being diplomatic with the Free Marcher cities [they even have their own banns] and with Antiva [they accepted Orianna after all] but how did Kaleb end up in his situation?

No hate! I’m developing my own Cousland and he was squired in the Free Marches like Nathaniel. This is the first I’ve encountered another take where Cousland was sent abroad rather than being raised domestically in Highever.

Sure! it’s actually supported in canon that bryce was a frequent visitor of orlais. literally the very first thing eleanor says in-game is that bryce was just there the year before, 9:29, and she says this in the context of candidly showing off some souvenir to lady landra. Bryce’s business in orlais is also something howe holds in deep contempt: “he was a traitor to me, and a coward to his nation. trips to orlais, gifts from old enemies”— trips, plural! gifts, plural!

i agree he’s a royalist. but whereas most would focus inwards and domestically, i think bryce’s nationalism expresses itself outwards, encouraging ferelden to involve itself in diplomacy and endorse bridges between neighbours. Why! well i think it’s important to remember highever is a coastal city that faces the free marches, orlais, nevarra, antiva and even rivain. highever is practically begging to be traded and interacted with. a country — which bryce fought for and really believes in — can’t grow by licking its wounds but by strengthening its economy. trade (and marriage ie. permitting Fergus to marry Oriana who is from a prosperous Antivan merchant family) promotes that, but nothing hurts a centre of commerce quite like isolationism which is loghain’s favourite pastime. being diplomatic reads as weak! and sentimental! and impotent! and fereldans are hardy, rugged, proud folk. it’s certainly divisive to the bannorn, and there’s only two teyrnirs with adequate influence to tender such political overture and if loghain won’t do it…… but you must understand, while loghain has his supporters like ceorlic (and atp, a tiptoe-ing howe), there are the guerrins. eamon has an orlesian wife and child. leonas is one of bryce’s oldest friends and is half-orlesian himself. alfstanna whose jurisdiction is the waking sea, aligns herself with the cousland no matter what (and she’s the one who speaks up if you make a point in-game about how the blight is the real threat and not orlais). they would certainly not oppose improved relations.

i imagine this became an even bigger issue and point of tension after loghain almost entirely emptied the treasury on a manhunt for maric and began blaming orlais for it. this is around midlate 9:20s and i personally place this as around the time the rumors of bryce becoming king were in full swing, which he quashed in full favour of cailan: it’s a very cutthroat statement that while he holds no contempt for foreign lands, he’s utterly devoted and subservient to the fereldan throne.

while we’re on the topic of cailan, bryce rebukes howe twice (from what i remember) and very swiftly. the speed of it reads almost like a paternal instinct to defend that boy lol (and it’s my personal headcanon that bryce did serve as a father figure to him wherever loghain fell short of being one). in the HN prologue, when you ask for duncan’s opinion on cailan, duncan is forthright about not knowing him well at all but speaks virtuously of what he can: “cailan is an eager young man who has shown great wisdom in responding to the darkspawn threat”. howe chips in with what is basically yeah well iiiiive heard he has warden hard-on and that’s why he let you in. it’s only then that bryce interrupts and calls howe “unworthy”. his tone is particularly severe here. it’s like a You’re Better Than This (and there it is, bryce’s particular characteristic: giving people the benefit of the doubt). this is all to say Bryce is an appreciator of tact and savoir faire, but he does not delight in rumor.

but it’s no easy task for bryce to be in orlais. it certainly wasn’t for kaleb, even though he was groomed into it and practically lived there for ten years. in inquisition, during the guest announcements at halamshiral, duchess yvonne blanchard is introduced as “hero of the battle of white river”, the very battle that bryce fought in and lost. she outlived bryce and remains openly revered in society. kaleb would have gone fucking insane if he stayed in that court.

anyway howe ultimately does not take bryce’s propinquity in good faith. he has no interest in diplomacy, and whatever small victories bryce achieves in that godless pool orlais calls the game is considered ingratiating at best, anti-fereldan at worse. he’s looking for the friendship from bryce thirty years ago that was built on hating orlesians and killing orlesians, he never quite grew past that. He blinks and he’s stuck with a half-orlesian wife he can’t stand, and a firstborn he dislikes enough to pack off abroad to an orlesian chevalier. it’s all wasted investment. kaleb was bryce’s investment and bryce’s worst sin. why is no one chatting about HIM (people were). seeing him return to highever that night all grown up, refined, well-connected, w good marriage prospects (delilah at that point was ruled out looong ago), bilingual 🤢 and in those stupid good-quality silks. oh i have to kill this guy stat!!!!!!

[gailynovelry]

Catacombs Formidi || Short Fiction

Well, I don’t actually remember why they put me down here. I did something wrong. Of course I did; that’s the only way it happens. There’s no prying the lid off of the masoleum entrance by mistake. I’m sure you remember it better than me. The door is like a coffin, isn’t it? It has to be heavy, it has to be so far above the hallway floors, it has to fit into the ceiling like a glove.

Yes, it’s to keep us in.

No, I don’t think you can find it again. It won’t do you much good if you do. You do smell . . . recent. Do you remember what you did?

No, you don’t have to answer that.

I don’t care what you did. Maybe I was better, maybe I was worse. Now I am worse.

This is the warning you will want first. You can’t die down here. Trust me. I don’t know exactly when we stop being strangers and start being denizens, but you’ll cross that line before you ever find some fabled exit. It doesn’t let go of you that easily. You think you’re on the brink of something — starvation, exhaustion, dehydration. You taste dust, dust, dust. And then you keep going. And going. And going.

The needs burn, but they’re just noise, alright? Alright. Ignore them now. Satisfaction is temporary. Existence is long. If you do something you’ll regret, you’ll have forever in the darkness to think about it before you start to forget again.

What are you besides your needs?

It’s not a trick question. You’re going to be asking yourself this a lot in the coming centuries, and it’s too easy to be changed by ruminations.

Yes, I do have reasons to lie to you. Trust me when I say that I am ignoring them.

If you feel your way along the walls long enough, a few days or a few decades depending on how quick you are on the uptake, you’ll realize that the skulls aren’t real bone. It’s stone, carved. The writing is real. Incantations? Spellwork? Laments? No, I don’t know what language it is. Old. Old. Old. Some other civilization was doing it long before us. You’ll encounter their own mistakes in here, and the language barrier would be easy enough to learn around if they hadn’t been here, specifically, for so long.

Yes, I suppose they would be dead if they weren’t here. Again — it’s not a blessing. We can call it undeath, sure. But there’s more to it than that.

No, I don’t know why anyone would make this.

But why the punishment?

Give it a few centuries. The pointlessness will sink in.

I did speak correctly. There are others here besides me, and this is my second warning. If you are recent, you will not want to meet them.

Malicious? Some are just jealous, actually. Some are afraid. Some will want to put you out of your misery, not yet knowing that it can’t happen here. Some are just . . . hungry. So, so hungry.

Wait until you are not recent. You will know it eventually. It will hit you one day, as you shuffle through dry air and over broken rock; you will realize that you have been in here longer than you had ever been out there. You will be comfortable feeling your way through the darkness, and the idea of light will make you nervous. What would you even do with it? You see yourself more clearly without it.

Yes, I’ve met some of the others. They’re monsters. This is not a comment on their character, necessarily.

Like I said — who are you, divested of your needs?

A lot of people are their fears.

You become things, down here. I shouldn’t give you the specifics. I can, if you insist, but not in any great detail. I will tell you about the ones that I do not think — that I hope — you will not become. I brushed up once against someone who was nothing but sharp edges. Warm, wet edges. She was quiet. Quieter than you. I think it hurt her to move.

There was one who hated himself, hated me, hated company. He couldn’t do anything about it but screech. He’d shriveled in some way. Practically a worm. I don’t think I have a reason to fear his fate, not as I understand myself.

The ones speaking in old tongues, intelligible or no, almost never have human shapes. I think it’s a little scarier when they do.

I met— I met a pair once, who had been secretly afraid of being too reliant on one another, afraid that their devotion had doomed them. They had become conjoined in some way. I . . . did not ask.

Meeting people might affect you, yes. Might give you their fears, their shapes.

What am I afraid of?

. . .

Best not to speak it into truth.

. . .

I do have an idea of what I look like. I’ve never seen myself, not since coming down here, but I know it better than I knew myself when I had the luxury of mirrors. Best to keep it to myself. You should thank me, I suppose.

No, please don’t touch me. You don’t want to do that.

Yes, I do want it. I want it very, very badly.

Shhh. That’s enough. They threw us in because we are repugnant to them — criminal, yes, that’s the story — but I’ve been here long enough to realize that people are more complicated than that. Monsters too.

I am so sorry. You cannot show me that kindness.

Look, the talking sates my hunger for a while. Company takes the edge off, but it’s still there. You smell recent. You smell human still, and I can’t help the longing.

You should leave now.

Trust me.