#as an australian this is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me personally

[magdeleinas]

not even joking this is me every time anything to do with raygun is brought up in any setting

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Can't Beat the Music Vol. 2 1992 Pop / Adult Contemporary / Pop-Rock / Techno

This is such an incisive window into just how utterly strange the early 90s were in multiple parts of the world when it came to popular music writ large. Like, this is a very Australian comp here, but it deals with the same exact dynamic that was present throughout the US at the same time too, which was this very apparent, herky-jerky push-and-pull between soft and anodyne adult contemporary traditions of pop and rock, and brasher, newfangled, upstart sounds that were appreciated by and targeted more directly at the youth. Last year, when I wrote about Technotronic's pretty goofy, yet deeply important dance classic, "Pump Up the Jam," which managed to hit #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in January of 1990, I mentioned that the only song that had kept it from the top back then was Michael Bolton's "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You," which meant that all throughout America, nearly thirty-five years ago, people were getting bludgeoned by this literal one-two punch in the dead of winter on their local contemporary hit radio stations—a slow and sappy, mom-aimed pop ballad, followed by the first house tune to ever break big in the country's history. Pretty fucking absurd if you think about it.

And it appears that the *same exact* thing was happening in Australia at the same time too, as the sequencing on this album ends up yielding such strange and sudden vibe-shifts that rock from an entirely instrumental version of 2 Unlimited's silly arena Eurodance-techno-raver, "Get Ready for This," to a special 1992 duetted edition of Tina Turner's "The Best" that features Aussie adult rocker Jimmy Barnes, in order to promote the then-latest season of the New South Wales Rugby League 😵‍💫.

And there are two other songs that I think are worth highlighting here as well—one that I think is remarkably terrible and cringe and another that I think is pretty neat for what it is if you can appreciate early 90s radio pop.

So today I discovered one of the single-worst songs that I think I may have heard in my entire life: "Kickin' to the Undersound" by the Sound Unlimited Posse, which if you couldn't tell by that awful title, is a hip hop tune by Australia's first ever rap act to get signed to a major label. Feast your eyes and ears upon this early 90s monstrosity that does its very best to outdo all the embarrassment that was brought upon by people and acts like Marky Mark, Vanilla Ice, and C&C Music Factory:

Good grief; I would gladly take every single weirdly aggro Eurodance rap verse that was about sweat over 96% of whatever this was. The only thing worth saving about this song is its breaks-infused, instrumental bridge. Everything else, including the super tacky and very unsubtle sampling of Aussie new wave heroes' Men At Work's "Down Under" on the chorus, can be hauled off the side of an ocean liner for all I care 🤮.

But OK, let's now wash that down with something far less grating, with a song from Australian pop group Indecent Obsession called "Kiss Me." If you like legendary Swedish synthpop duo Roxette, then I think you'll like this tune too, because this has the same softcore, heavy breath throbbiness of Roxette's sound, a surging and extended contemporaneous radio ad-jingle-type chorus like lots of Roxette singles do, and a bridge that sounds a whole lot like the catchy 'na-na-na' part of Roxette's own "The Look" as well. Cross all that with someone who sounds a little like George Michael and you've got this pretty well-made pop tune that is very much of its early 90s time, with a hollow and compressed sound to it that makes it feel like it was solely made to be played on FM radio back then, which I don't really think is a bad thing!

So sometime in the latter part of the 90s, the adult contemporary wing of the pop music landscape began to get relegated off of contemporary hit radio stations and onto its own specific adult-oriented formats. And in AC's absence then came much more youth-oriented music, but before that gradual and significant shift ended up occurring, the top commercial pop stations appeared to have been suffering through an identity crisis; one that forsook any sense of fluidity in their playlists for trying to simultaneously appeal to both oil-and-water youth and adult demos alike. I'm not sure which thing happened first between AC not selling as much as it once did and then that causing it to get less rotation overall on top-40 radio, or if a decision was made by top-40 radio programmers to cut back on the AC, which then caused AC sales to sag; but what I do know is this: contemporary hit radio and popular music were insane in the early 90s, and it wasn't just in America, as this very strange Aussie comp so clearly proves. Maybe it felt more banal and normal while it was happening, but looking back on it now, the idea of hearing some maximally cheesy, high-powered commercial techno-rave tune lined up back-to-back with, like, a heart-poured Bette Midler ballad, is a very ridiculous and surreal thing to have ever happened, and yet it did, on both radio and comps like this one, without any discernible hint of irony.

Highlights:

2 Unlimited - "Get Ready for This" Tina Turner & Jimmy Barnes - "The Best" Baby Animals - "Ain't Gonna Get" Indecent Obsession - "Kiss Me" The KLF - "What Time Is Love" R. Kelly feat. Public Announcement - "She's Got That Vibe"

[swamp-gremlin]

My Old Nick hc's, interpretation, analysis, and other odd bits PT.1

Part 2

This is long overdue but I feel I oughta get something out of the way. I've had a incredibly aggressive special interest in him for like 3-5ish years and at some point in writing hc's I just started making shit up(I mean isn't that just hc's are?) because I really just took a guy with a whopping 14 lines of dialogue and just started sprinting.

I'm choosing to actually leave a few things out as I wish to explore those ideas more in This isn't over Jack, Ill probably swing back around to this after I wrap that up. In the mean time if you wanna swap ideas I'm down(please please please pleaseplea)

Turns out I hit text limit with this oh my lord, ill post pt2 tomorrow, i'm sorry

Can't think of anything particularly triggering in this but i'll warn it gets just kinda bleak

Human turned Fae- I will not elaborate, this will be explained later...

would actually break your legs if you called him a fairy

I've never actually pinned down any specific powers for him for some reason? like i just cant think of like any that i could write/ illustrate that wouldn't feel too gauche... So I just kinda nebulously imaged so weird fae-fuckery type of magic- though I think the most compelling interpretation of his powers was in Scouts Australian Christmas (pls go read it, its a really good fic)

Gay, but I cant imagine he's like particularly out about it; like its a iykyk sorta think because I definitely feel there probably some shame or internalized homophobia there (smth smth homophobic senator caught in a gay bar joke)

Autistic, but most definitely not diagnosed- he would become absolute incensed if you suggested it, like "There is nothing wrong with me, I am normal" but you can tell that he knows there's something "wrong with him" but he has no idea what and is incredibly afraid of even attempting to confront that

Can't imagine there's a moment where he's not masking, he doesn't understand his own limits and will keep doing things until he quite literally can't anymore

Probably has some ~effeminate~ interest he's deeply embarrassed by, but like in all reality its very normal and even if it was thats not a bad thing, he just makes it a big deal for no reason

STRADDLING the line between infodumping and mansplaining

Could be genuinely into a topic but he's just so condescending about it

High functioning alcoholic, kinda in that 50s/ rich way but it's very obvious he has a problem but everyone always brushes it off as "thats just how he is/ things are"

Nick could honestly just be summed up in his impact as a *a systematic bad thing happens again and again* "thats just how things are, get over it" sorta thing or a "Heart warming: student raises funds to prevent orphans from being sent to orphan grinder" and then no-one questions why the orphan grinder exists in the first place

He has been meticulously constructing his public image/ brand as "Old Nick"/ "The Spirit of Australian Christmas"

He is a liar, but he's a very good liar

His accent is fake, his laugh is fake, his public lore is fake and he's not even Australian he's British! (Which is arguably worst thing he has done)

He's basically been voice training to keep up a modern australian accent for years now, but his real accent is more of that 1700s british (which actually sounds different from modern a modern britsh accent) but sometimes he's has moments and his accent slips (mostly when he's yelling)

Has practiced his evil villain laugh so hard, like its a good villain laugh but if you listen hard you can tell its not real

Genuinely so fucking embarrassed by his actual laugh which i can only describe as if a goose that has been smoking a pack a day was being strangled to death

I kinda go back an forth on Nicks upbringing sometimes, because I kinda feel I went the kinda overplayed sorta tragic backstory; but also growing up in 1700s England was probably not fun if you weren't rich and also have you ever met a miserable boomer who does the whole "kids these days are too damn soft back when I was a kid *recounts an incredibly traumatizing event*!" Thing? Yeah he probably does that a lot and it makes everyone kinda uncomfortable

Maybe orphaned? Probably had brothers because he has strong younger brother "your oppressing me by giving me a task" energy (btw this relates to a super stupid hc that im not gonna share because its incredibly dumb)

Expressed a lot of attention seeking behavior from a young age, would purposefully get into trouble so someone would notice him

This behavior followed him into adult life and it would just keep getting worst and worst, like getting into bar fights that he would definitely lose and petty crime

Eventually he just kept ramping up the severity of his crimes till he actually had a warrant/ bounty placed for his arrest

To avoid getting arrested he became a sailor in his late 20s and jumped between ships and trades up until his 50s/60s

Eventually he was arrested and then get shipped off to Australia

After a few months he stuck there he was like "actually, fuck this" and started plotting an escape

He stole a boat and with his previous knowledge from being a sailor he was so full of himself he thought he did single-handedly sail and navigate back Britain or a British sympathetic colony and then lay low for the rest of his life

Of course he didn't happen and due to the fact he is stupid he got stranded in antarctic and the rest is history

If you wanna know how we got from "random crusty criminal" to "Spirit of Australian Christmas" you have to stick around for my shit ass comic and videos fucker

anyway where was i, Nick proceeded to twists that into "Yeah i totally meant to do discover antarctic, even though i was a 1780s peasant who would have not have even known that antarctic was even thing" he kinda sorta dropped the rest of it and made up more shit Homelander style

I don't believe that Nick was like well off in anyway when he was still mortal, and despite being just bludgeoned over the head with the effects of classism and a nightmare capitalist hell society he developed this horrible idolization of the rich and developed this almost "by your bootstraps" mentality but with like the brutality rich bushiness owners would treat there workers, where he though if he became horrible and ruthless he could trample and climb on the backs of his fellow men till he made it to that oh so coveted high society life.

probably doesn't help he would do absolutely anything for money either

and the thing is he made it, he's just unfathomably rich(that is till all those gambling debts catch up to him...) he got what he wanted, he got he's gotten all the money and attention he could have wanted... and yet he's miserable, nothing will ever be enough for him.

Throw back motif that's still my favorite- "decaying luxury". Nick is like obviously rich as fuck and yet just refuses to fix anything, like his sweater has so many little holes in it he just stopped bothering to fix, he's patched his pants so many times, stairs worn down to the point the rug is thread bear and the wood is dented, intricate arsenic and lead laced wallpaper that's now water damaged and peeling, his favorite chair's seams are ripped, and the stuffing and springs are just compressed and flat to the point its not even comfortable to sit in anymore. Like he can fix it, he has the money, and yet he just won't for some reason.

Oh speaking of arsenic and lead- mans is just absolutely FULL of lead, arsenic, asbestos, any other harmful thing the Victorians where just absolutely HUFFING

tangent on a tangent, i really associate him with the Victorian era despite him being born in the 1700s, maybe its the child labor, maybe its the stupid chops, he just looks like he should be in super tall neck-line and doing coke for a headache

Nick is just both incredibly self absorbed but also so fucking insecure, like very big insecure man makes his problems everyone else's problem and take his out on other people to feel better about himself energy

He's just so vain too, like i image he's just obsessed with himself and his image, probably doesn't help he's quite literately has been decomposing for like the last two centuries (IT WILL BE EXPLAINED WHY LATER I PROMMY) so he just has this like incredibly extensive Patrick Bateman ass self-care routine so he doesn't get moldy

[knightbugs]

WORLDS WORST BAD BATCH LIVEBLOG - EPISODE 1

-- DISCLAIMER: this liveblog fucking sucks and to understand my thought process you need to either read it while watching the bad batch or you need to have every episodes events completely memorised -- the droids are silly

this caleb guy looks about 12 whys his voice so deep

holy shit is that the bad batch from bad batch theyre here in bad batcj

omg crosshair is there

wrecker is just heavy tf2 ?? <- guy who has never played tf2

NEEEEERD (affectionate) (directed at tech obviously)

i like this woman i like how she talks she sounds like kanaya from homestuck ? like how ive seen her portrayed. the way she says 'do what they do' as if shes saying it in quotation marks i like tgat

WHAT THE FUCK H.ES. THE GREEN GUY HE'S THEYRE KILLINGTHE WOMSN WHST THE FUCK hply shit she did a flip WHAT THE FUCK SHES DEAD WHAT THE HELL

hunter (i think ?) did a little slide in the snow that was cool

crosshair why are you shooting this kid

HOLY SHIT HE JUST KICKED CROSSHAIR IN THE BOOOOOBS

crosshair is stereotypical-queercoded-villain-core listen to him talking

why os it raining is this pathetic fallacy

OMEGA IS THERE

ADOLESCENT HUMAN FEMALE

longass alien lady hi

the guys aer arguing

'you WANT to sit with us? that's never happened before' they're just like me fr

WAR WAR WAR FOOD FIGHGT GO GO GO

echo is fucking died

gonna go to the hairdressers and ask for the hunter bad batcg cut

this fellas got goofy pants hes observing them in the lasertag arena

this is like ultrakill thats like the drones from ultrakill

THEY FUCKING KILED WRECJER NOO someon get him a bandaid STAT

i like the sparks frkm the guns

is there a guide somewhere to interpreting these hand signals i wanna do that

GET REPROGRAMMED BITCH

HE SHOT THE KNIGE INTO ITS FACELIKE THE ULTRAKILL COUNS THATEAD FUVKUBG SICK AWESOME SO COOL holy shit

i like how Sharp goofy pants mans design is

omega: let mecome with youuuuu hunter: you are literally 12 fuck off

how is omegas head thingy attached how does that work

Creature Noises ?!

tech shut UP about his programming

there's guys ???????? like a little village

i like how you can see techs eyes it makes him look less hostile which makes sense because hes a NEEEEEEEERD

crosshair is monarchist scum sorry ✌️

BNUUY THING LOCATED

bad batch ipad theyer like bts to her /j

WHAT THE FUCK HE SHOT THE LITTLE ROBOT GUY THAT WAS SO MEAN

i hope this doesn't make me start talking in an australian accent oh god

Oh there's a guy there Oh theres many guys

oh they're naked (NO armour)

omwgas in JAIL

crosshair stop being all edgy you little bitch. 'good soldiers follow orders' youve been propaganda'd so hard boy. you are not immune to propaganda garfield image

'youre angry' NO SHIT OMEGA ok he basically just said that

is omega their tgerapist now

bruuuuh they took crosshai

homeboys being Analysed

don't intensify his programming !!!!! bitchass

this is so unethical all of it

theres so much good textures on this sjow

their BOOOBS are VISIBLE

soery i will nevr shut up about boobies

PUNCH THAT WALL BOY !!

'try it again. a little harder.' THATS WHAT SHE SAIIIIID

YEAAAA WOOOOO GET THEIR ASSES

oh my god its 2am. fucking hell i need to get to snoozin

ok i will finish the remaining 10 minutes tomorrow morning. (i did not do that, i stayed up to finish it)

they done poked around in his brain !!

oh my god the textures on this. im going insane

ah hell no he sjot wrecker in the boob

OMEGAS GOT A GUN

did they just like. abandon crosshair. i mean fair enough ig itd be pretty dangerous to try to un-fuckup his brain or what ever

omega was forced to eat cement when she was 6

oh they know a guy

--EPISODE 1 DONE--

[aus-wnt]

looks like sam has been doing the media rounds. another interview

https://www.foxsports.com.au/football/matildas/exclusive-kerr-opens-up-on-matildas-really-crappy-cup-nightmare/news-story/729a41078c637999299bcc74fd534260

Matildas captain Sam Kerr has opened up on the team’s heartbreaking exit from the Asian Cup – and backed under-fire coach Tony Gustavsson to guide the Australians to glory at the 2023 World Cup on home soil.

The Matildas won Asia’s continental tournament in 2010 and reached the final in both editions of the competition since then, and were confident of once again challenging for the title in India in January.

But Australia was dumped out at the quarter-final stage in a 1-0 defeat to South Korea, marking their worst ever result in the competition.

In an exclusive interview with FoxSports.com.au, Kerr said the result was a ‘hard pill to swallow’ but the Matildas ‘gave everything’ at the tournament.

“Yeah, obviously (it was) really disappointing. Really, really crappy. I felt like actually the first half of the game we dominated, we had so many chances. But it was honestly one of those games where you just kind of sense, like, ‘oh, we’re gonna have to scrap a goal here’ because nothing was going in for us.

“We hit the cross bar, we got a few calls against us and then in the second half, we didn’t play our best football and obviously there was a chance there to win it. But it’s a part of football, it really sucks and sometimes it’s a hard pill to swallow.

“But yes, should we have performed better? 100%. But we gave everything and as disappointing as it is, we literally gave everything at that Asian Cup and in tough circumstances. So it was disappointing, but I feel like other than maybe the last 15 minutes of the game, we did everything we could.”

Almost as soon as the final whistle signalled the end of Australia’s cup dream, Kerr was back on a plane to London – though she concedes she found it difficult to put her national team disappointment out of mind.

“It affected me when I came back to Chelsea. I was obviously really disappointed because I was back at Chelsea playing in games that I had planned to watch in India. But look, I obviously hate (losing). I didn’t watch any games after that. I get really disappointed, but I’m a footballer.

“You can’t win everything you go for. You can’t score every goal you try. You’re gonna fail and that’s part of life and you’ve just got to get back up.

“I had a big game on the weekend. We played Arsenal then we played City so it was so quick. Like I literally had to keep going and had to get going again and wasn’t gonna (dwell on it). For me it’s just like, what’s next?”

Swedish mastermind Tony Gustavsson guided the Matildas to a best-ever Olympics finish of fourth place in Tokyo last year, but his record of six wins in 20 games in charge of Australia combined with the team’s Asian Cup failure has put the coach under a mountain of pressure.

But Kerr is backing the Swede – a successful former US women’s national team assistant – to lead the Aussies to a best-ever result at the 2023 World Cup in Australia and New Zealand, saying that changing coaches a year out from the tournament would be ‘the worst thing in the world’.

Asked if he was the right coach for the Matildas moving forward, Kerr said: “Yeah, of course. I think we’ve always had this happen to us as a team, where maybe before the World Cup we haven’t been performing or things have happened where they fired our coach, or got a changeover of coach right before the Olympics or the World Cup.

“So for us that would be the worst thing in the world, because starting fresh again – it’s just we’ve done it three or four times now.

“It happened when we lost Hesterine (de Reus, 2014), when we lost Staj (Alen Stajcic 2019), when we lost Ante (Milicic, 2020), it’s always a year out from a major tournament. For us that’s really tough. It’s really difficult.”

Kerr said the team is going through a transitional period as a host of young players get up to speed with the long-established core of the squad.

“I think for us we’re committed to being the best team,” Kerr added, “but it’s going to take time. Like the Olympics, we’d been together with Tony for three camps maybe, max, and we had such a good performance. So obviously the bar is set high.

“But we have such a different ever-changing squad at the moment. If you look at the squad, every camp, it’s so different. So it’s really hard to build all these relationships … We’re all committed to sticking together and doing what we believe in … Us as a team, as a national team, have to really commit to wanting to make the national team better, but I think it’s going to be a bit of a journey.”

But the Chelsea superstar, at 28 and in unstoppable form for Chelsea, is unwavering in her belief that the Matildas can challenge the world’s best.

“I always believe in this team,” she said. “I give everything for the national team and I know every single player does – like we wouldn’t be playing overseas and missing our families for two years if we didn’t want to win for the national team. I’d be home on the first flight if I didn’t have the national team. I wouldn’t be doing all of this just for fun!”

“But no, we’re really confident. We haven’t had the results in the last few games, but look at what we did at the Olympics off three camps with Tony and five or six new young kids. We are really confident, we definitely need to improve and we definitely need to spend more time together.”

Co-hosting the Women’s World Cup next year alongside neighbours New Zealand is a major milestone for the sport in Australia – and Kerr is bullish the Matildas can be a ‘real force’ at the tournament.

“We’re so excited for the moment. But the most important thing is like, everyone talks about ‘this could be a great moment for women’s football’.

“It could be a great moment for us if we win it or we go as far as we’ve ever gone, because we don’t want to just go as tourists. We want to go as a team that everyone’s talking about. But we’ve got just over a year to become real force.”

[talkfastromance4]

Just for the Night//calum hood

First installment of NYE Chronicles!

Masterlist

NYE Chronicles masterlist

• • • •

You’d been equally looking forward to and dreading the New Year’s Eve party. Dreading it because your ex will be there but looking forward to it because the outfit you chose makes you look like a bombshell and will show your ex what they’ve lost. You’re still a little bruised from the break-up but the music is killer, the drinks are delicious and you’re as bubbly as the promised glass of champagne when midnight will toll.

You just finished taking a shot when your friend pulled on your shoulder and whispered quickly in your ear, “Jessie heard you’re here and wants to talk to you. I just saw him at the DJ booth. Go!”

Knowing how reminiscent your ex can be once they’ve been drinking, you slide the shot glass back on the bar top then zip away as quick as you can. You shuffle through bodies then hear your name being called by your ex. His voice is getting closer and you’re becoming more frantic until you find a very attractive looking guy watching you with a curious expression in his dark brown eyes.

You sprint towards the stranger, someone bumps you which causes you to fall into his arms. You smell the fresh leather of his jacket.

“I’m sorry, please go along with this my ex is right behind me,” you whisper quickly in his ear then pull back so you can press your lips to his.

His soft, velvety lips are hesitant at first but soon he takes the reins by cupping the back of your neck and sliding one hand down to your waist. He tastes like liquor with a hint of weed and spearmint gum, it makes your tongue tingle. You sink into the kiss, melting into him like the snow outside on the New York streets. It’s as if the whole world stops, it’s just you and him in this perfect moment.

“Y/N?”

“I thought the New Year’s kiss was supposed to be at midnight?”

Your stomach flips as you hear the deep and raspy Australian twang in his voice, it tickles your ears and makes goosebumps rise on your neck. You giggle at his comment then, regrettably, you and the perfect-as-hell-kiss stranger break apart to gaze stare at your ex. You’re hoping the stranger has a look of disdain as you do for being interrupted.

“Can we help you, mate?”

“I didn’t know you were seeing someone,” Jessie says, completely ignoring your perfect stranger.

“It’s not your concern,” you shrug. The motion makes you wobble on your feet and the perfect stranger makes sure you don’t fall.

“I think you should go enjoy the rest of your evening.” the perfect stranger’s fingers tickle the lower part of your back and you feel your ears heat up from the touch.

“Whatever,” Jessie mutters. They give you one more apprehensive look then disappear into the crowd.

You breathe out a sigh of relief then look up at your knight in shining black leather. There’s a hint of scruff around those perfectly shaped lips and it’s as if you suddenly realize what you did was uncalled for. Even though in the moment the kiss was spectacular. You readjust his jacket then pat his chest, pulling away from him and his warmth.

“Um, sorry for the ambush, but thank you. Happy New Year!” You squeak out then dart away from him.

“Oi! Hold on!”

You’re grabbed by the wrist and spun around thumping into the chest you just vacated. You could feel the vibration in his chest from his breathing.

“What if he comes back to find you?” he grins loosening the hold on your wrist. “As you new boyfriend I shouldn’t let that happen, yeah?”

“You’d do that for a stranger?”

“We just kissed, I don’t think that makes us strangers,” he smiles. “Just for the night. We’ll end and start the year with a new adventure. I’m Calum, by the way.”

“I’m Y/N.”

And so, your adventure begins. You have a small chat over a couple of drinks and you’re dying to kiss him again. You wonder how long it is until midnight until you could do so.

After you finished telling a story about the worst New Year’s ever, Calum kept glancing above your head until his eyes widened and he sucked in a breath.

“What is it? Is it my ex again?”

“No, it’s mine. C’mere,” he says gruffly then pulls you against him.

His warm lips crash over yours, your palms resting on his shoulders as he takes your breath away once more. Feeling bold and wanting to put on more of a show for his ex, you twist your fingers in his luscious hair and tug slightly. Calum grunts then parts your lips with his tongue, massaging yours.

Just like the first time, the world stops, it’s just you and Calum and the electricity coursing between you until you’re literally shoved off him.

“What the fu--?”

Calum’s hold on you is strong as you try to confront the girl in front of you who clearly shoved you. He blocks you from view as he talks lowly to her and keeps a firm grip on your wrists as you try to defend yourself. You try to struggle against him but inevitably give up and peer over his shoulder. The girl scoffs, stomps her foot, then leaves you two alone.

“Are you all right?” he asks, turning around and releases your wrists. He touches your cheek, his thumb pulling on your bottom lip to smooth out the pout that’s formed.

“I’m mad she shoved me. That was uncalled for,” you grumble.

“It was,” he nods then looks around the room. “Your ex saw the whole thing.” he looks back at you, his eyes flickering over you. “How about we get out of here? This party is a little too crowded with exes, don’t you think?”

“Where will we go? What time is it?”

“I’ve got an idea,” he smiles, eyes twinkling.

**

He took you to the artechouse, where different rooms are filled with lights in beautiful displays. Aside from a few other patrons, it’s pretty empty as you and Calum explore each room. It’s magical and hypnotic as you watch the colors join and blend on the floor and ceiling.

In one room, the display was shown to make the floor appear warped, and in your slightly inebriated state, you thought you were going to fall so you grabbed for his hand and held on tight. He didn’t let go.

He didn’t let go until you were in a room that tracked your movement and you saw yourself as a body of light on the wall. Calum watched you as you danced with the light, mesmerized by the movements as you spun and lifted your arms and legs. You spun into him, his face lit in the blue black of the light and he lowered his head to yours.

Wanting to tease him, you pulled away at the last second to move onto the next room. His deep chuckle follows you as you stand in the center of it. There’s a big swirl of light on the floor moving in a circular motion, as if in a time warp. Calum takes your hand, leading you to the center of it and twirls you with the circle.

The song quiets and a loud gong resembling a clock sounds throughout the building. It must be close to midnight. You count the clock down, Calum’s voice joining you.

“Three…”

“Two…”

He spins you into his chest, your breathing labored. The lights dance upon the both of you.

“One.”

The room changes to fireworks and exclaims from others in the building are heard as the new year has begun. Calum strokes your cheek with the back of his fingers until they curl at the nape of your neck, guiding you to him.

This is the third kiss you’ve shared tonight. And each one appears to be better than the last and you’re not quite sure how that’s possible. The fireworks show continues all around and you and Calum keep kissing until the room shifts back to normal. You both need to catch your breath, so you understand when he pulls away but you still want more and chase his lips for more. Your teeth catch his lower lip playfully.

“Happy New Year,” he mumbles.

“Happy New year,” you smile.

Your lips connect again, the new year is already starting out wonderful with a promise of even better days to come.

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[clareguilty]

The Strongest Metal

This is a commission fic! Junkrat/Roadhog Rated: M | No warnings, injury recovery Word Count ~2400

“There’s nothing for you to worry about with me, Mr. Rutledge. To many, I am just as much of a criminal as you are. Turning you in would also result in a sentence for myself.” The voice was unfamiliar. Heavily accented. Stern but soothing. The words floated around, barely making sense.

“I can’t thank you enough. If I had been in your position, I don’t think I would have done the same.” That was Mako. He sounded tired, anguished. Jamison hated that.

He couldn’t remember what happened. He felt terrible, like he’d been on one hell of a bender.

But they had been fighting. He remembered that much. Those guys with the dark armor and the red helmets. Didn’t they know that the outback belonged to the junkers? There may have been no official law in the land, but that didn’t mean they were just going to roll over for any band of soldiers that showed up. They had been fighting to protect their natural resources since before the crisis.

And then those other blokes had showed up. He’d heard about them before. Overwatch. The pride and joy of humanity’s defenders. They’d been shut down last he heard, but he recognized them when they showed up on the battlefield.

Oh. Jamison remembered now. He had died. Been blown to smithereens. Exactly the way he’d always thought he’d go.

Was this heaven? Not where he thought he’d end up, really. But Mako was there, and whoever this lady was. An angel?

Jamison cracked one eye open, wincing at the bright fluorescent lights overhead. Oh yeah. That was definitely an angel.

Wispy blonde hair, piercing eyes, literal fucking wings. She was in all white armor and glowing gold. She looked exhausted.

And Mako was there, looking just as tired. He always looked tired, really, but not like this. He sat slumped in a chair, unmasked and hair down. Jamison had never seen him so miserable. Some sort of afterlife this was.

“Hello, Roadie,” he croaked. His voice sounded terrible. His throat was dry and scratchy. He was starting to think he wasn’t dead.

Both Mako and the angel snapped their heads towards him. “You’re awake!” the angel gasped. She immediately reached for a biotic scanner. “How do you feel?”

Jamison hadn’t really thought about it until she asked. He hadn’t really felt anything if he was being honest, and he told her as much. He was sore, disoriented, but he couldn’t really feel anything.

She frowned. “I guess that’s not the worst thing. Can you move at all?”

He raised his arm, wiggling his fingers with a grin. Then he saw his hand. 

“What the hell?! What happened to my arm?” Last he’d checked, only his right hand was cybernetic, and it certainly didn’t look like that. He looked at both of his hands, except these weren’t his hands. They were sleek, polished metal with tiny spindly joints. But they moved when he wanted them too, and he could feel them, even if they weren’t flesh and bone.

He flexed and curled the fingers in front of him. His frown only deepened as he inspected the high quality engineering. It wasn’t scrap, that was for sure. Much too fancy to be a part of him.

“Who did this to me?” He demanded. “Give me my old arm back!” He had made that arm. That arm was a part of him.

“Jamie,” Mako reached out, but he pulled his hand away before he could touch the horrible mechanical monstrosity. “You’re arm is gone. You were in an explosion. Dr. Zeigler saved you.”

“Saved me?” Junkrat looked down at his body. Where there was once flesh and blood and scar tissue, there was nothing but metal and wires and -- still quite a lot of scar tissue. “I look like a fucking omnic!” The angel winced.

“You’re alive,” Mako said. “You owe these people your life.”

“What life?” Jamison spat. “What am I now? Did you give me a fancy new leg too?” He sneered at the doctor, throwing the sheet aside to look at his legs. Thankfully, his peg was still there. And aside from some bandages, his flesh leg was still intact.

The doctor fumbled over her words. “We wanted to wait until you were fully rehabilitated, but there is the option to change your prosthesis, or even try to integrate some cybernetics.”

“I don’t want any of your corpo bullshit tech.” 

“Jamie,” Mako scolded him. “You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Angela. She did the best she could to save you.”

Jamison glowered, but kept his mouth shut. Mako really did look like shit, and he probably hadn’t left his bedside in days.

“We’re at an old Overwatch outpost,” Mako continued. He knew Jamison would listen to him over the doctor. “Quite a few former agents have come back. They helped us in that fight against the black-suited soldiers. Apparently they come from an organization called Talon.”

“I don’t care about any of that,” Jamison waved his hand. He hated how the motion felt. “I don’t want anything to do with them.”

Mako sighed. “We don’t have a choice. It’s going to be some time before you’re healed. Angela has explained to me what you’re going to need. She has experience with cybernetics, but there isn’t a lot here.”

Jamison said nothing.

Why should he care about Overwatch? Or Talon? Or any of that shit? He wanted his body back. He wanted to be as far away from doctors and agents and civilization as possible.

But he had never seen Mako like this, not even after the worst job. 

So he sat through the doctor’s check up, begrudgingly answering her questions and letting her poke and prod at his new body. 

“How long have I been out?” he finally asked.

“It’s been nearly a week.” She was gentle, hesitant as she redressed his wounds. “The biotics have helped to heal the most severe of your injuries. But, I have limited resources, so I have to make them count. I know you aren’t… happy with your cybernetics. They’re rudimentary and certainly not where I’d like them to be. If you so choose, we can always modify or upgrade anything once we have access to proper engineering. This outpost has been out of operation since the crisis and-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jamison cut her off. “Roadie trusts you, and that’s enough for me. But I want nothing to do with your Overwatch.” He wanted to be gone as soon as possible. Back to Junkertown, back the the safety of the outback.

It was another day before they told Jamison the full extent of his condition. He slept fitfully, a combination of biotics and medication and paralyzed numbness. He hated moving in the hours he was able to. It wasn’t his body. It wasn’t him.

He had been caught in an explosion in the fight against Talon. The blast had ignited the gunpowder on his own gear. He hadn't been in very good shape when Mercy -- Doctor Ziegler -- had found him. It was through sheer luck that he had been saved by the one doctor who pioneered full body cybernetics.

The hospital at the Australian Overwatch outpost had been… lacking, but between the doctors and engineers on hand they had managed to stabilize Jamison and fit him with rudimentary cybernetics.

Jamison knew he should be grateful. He was alive because of their generosity. But he couldn’t tamp down the resentment. He didn’t ask for this. Why would they go through all that trouble just to save some lowlife junker?

But he couldn’t leave Mako. If any of the two of them was going to be left alone it was going to be Jamison, he had resigned himself to that. Maybe he would have to pull through just for the old bastard.

The doctor -- he had taken to calling her blondie just to see how much it annoyed her -- fixed the nerve receptors and recalibrated the movement on his cybernetics. He knew how tedious the process was, he had done it all himself when he lost his arm the first time.

But that had been on his terms. He had gotten himself blown up and he had fixed it. None of these battles or fancy hospitals or strange people practically dissecting him every damn day.

Every time he tried to throw a fit, Mako would shoot him a look that would guilt him into playing nice. Mako would say thank you when the doctors finished up for the day. Mako would help clean him and dress him and feed him. He felt like a damn baby.

They finally let him out of the hospital after a few days. He wasn’t perfect -- not that he was anything special before this whole shitshow. But he doubted he would ever feel right again.

He staggered down the halls to the room Mako had been staying in. The Overwatch base was nice, but it felt too sterile, too civilized. Jamison and Mako were used to their little shack in the outback, they had never needed any fancy bells and whistles.

“Roadie,” Jamison whispered, “Maybe we could slip out of here tonight. Steal one of them fancy all-terrains and head back home.” He had seen the vehicles they came in one. They would scrap for some nice parts or sell for a good bit of money.

“No,” Mako didn’t even blink. “You’re still not well. The doctors here will look after you. We’re not leaving until you’re better.”

Jamison scowled. “Fuck them. I don’t need them. I can build everything I need out of scrap at home. I’ll just need your help.”

Mako was unfazed. “It’s too dangerous. You barely survived as it is, and the stuff they pieced you back together with isn’t going to last very long.”

He knew that. He knew he was on a timer. Without access to any real, up to date medical equipment he was just wasting away on the temporary machinery. He wanted to say it didn’t matter, that he’d rather go out on his own terms than be strung along from one set of parts to another, but he couldn’t do that to Mako.

“I hate it here,” he said.

“That’s fine,” was all he got in response.

The room was cozy, dusty, impersonal. It had been decades since Overwatch had any real presence on the continent, something that showed in every part of the base. The dorm was small and empty, a little run down, but the bed was big enough for both of them.

There was a small pile of gear on the desk, Mako’s gun and mask, some biotic canisters. None of Jamison’s gear had survived the explosion.

“I’m going to have to build a new gun, aren’t I?” Jamison asked. He was going to have to start over on everything. There was nothing left.

Then he caught his reflection in the mirror. It was jarring, to see his own face on an unfamiliar body. The wires and the plates and the joints. He was staring at the stranger in the glass when something soft smacked him in the face. One of Mako’s shirts.

Jamison unfolded the soft, faded material. He couldn’t even feel the texture of the cotton. “I’m pretty hideous now, ain’t I, Roadie? Uglier than ever.” He pulled the shirt over his head, wincing at the ache and pull of his healing muscles. 

“I don’t care how you look, Jamie,” Mako said quietly. “As long as I have you here with me.”

Frowning, Jamison washed his face in the sink. He liked being away from the constant supervision of the hospital room. All he wanted was to be left to his misery. He didn’t care about calibration or pulmonary function or anything like that.

He flopped onto the bed, glowering at the ceiling. Mako lay beside him, sighing and resting his hands on his stomach. “You don’t have to like this,” he said.

“Good. ‘cause I don’t.”

“You should be nicer to Doctor Ziegler.”

Jamison snorted. “Why?”

“For me.”

That wasn’t fair. Jamison would have continued being an asshole with no regrets if it weren’t for those two words. Because he would do anything for Mako, even if it meant letting some doctor make him miserable every damn day.

He would survive. Just for Mako. Even if he hated what he had become. It’s not like when he lost his leg, lost his arm. That had been before he had Roadie, and he had fixed himself up on his own. On his own terms. He had still felt whole, even with a peg leg and a scrap arm.

Now he was premium alloys and advanced sensors, and he had never felt more broken. Even Mako wouldn’t look at him, wouldn’t touch him. They treated him as though he was fragile, made of glass and not the strongest metal his body could carry. 

He woke in the night panting and sweating. The same nightmares that had followed him for years. Metal fingers scrabbling at the plates on his chest, the wire channels running to his neck. He needed it off.

Two massive hands closed around the thin metal joints of his wrists. Calloused fingers, chipped nail enamel. Mako.

“Jamie,” he said.

“Roadie,” Jamison croaked. They had done this before. Countless times. 

He was surprised when Mako threw his arms around Jamison, pulling him close. It was the first time he had truly touched him since he woke up in that damned hospital.

“I’ve got you,” Mako whispered. He didn’t even wince at the feeling of metal against his skin. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jamison huffed in disbelief, but nuzzled into Mako’s chest. The familiar sound of Mako’s raspy breathing helped to ground him. “I’m the one who almost croaked. I just didn’t want to leave you with all these Overwatch weirdos.”

“They’ve been good to us.” Mako murmured. “We owe them.”

“You’re too nice. We don’t owe them shit, and the first chance I get im going to rob them.”

Mako chuckled. “They could help get rid of those soldiers.”

“I’m done with soldiers,” Jamison groaned. “I’m done with everything. I just wanna go back to the shack and drink my weight in beer.”

“We will.”

[i-just-want-more-yubel]

SO WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT JIM AND JUDAI REAL QUICK BECAUSE OH MY GOD BUT DO I LOVE THIS

this is also going under a cut tumblrs letting me do it again yay because its going to be a LONG ASS post. Mentions of mental health and self harm involved.

So while I wouldn’t say that Jim is Judais closest friend in the series not least for the fact that most of their relationship building happens in a handful of episodes and in flashbacks I would absolutely argue that Jim is one of Judais GREATEST  friends Which sounds like a contradiction so what does that even mean? If you have a CLOSE friend it’s someone you enjoy being around, but if you have a friend who's GOOD for you they’re someone who makes sure you're okay as well. They’re the friend who notices you’re going to far at the bar and makes sure you get home instead of letting you pass out on the road, They’re the friend who listens to you when you’re upset.  They’re the friend who takes the knife away when you’re hurting yourself.

In my opinion this is what Jim is for Judai.

Through the entire Supreme king portion of GX Jim is the one who has faith in Judai being able to get back to a good mental place - and not just has faith but actively works to make it happen though this is later picked up by O’brien.  This is opposed to Sho - who literally just stands around documenting Judai murdering people and calls it proof of caring in what might be the worst relationship advice I’ve ever seen with my own two eyes given by Judai himself. I am however also willing to give him some leeway here because again he IS cursed by that sorrow spell during this.

Not even Edo - who literally has experience with people he knows and is very close to being possessed by destructive forces - expresses much past curiosity and concern for Judai and suspicion for how fast the changes happen. He does participate in the intervention mission once it’s started however.  Honourable trash mention to Ryo in this bit for being arguably worse than Sho because he has no curse excuse and just vaguely judges Judai from a distance for his mental breakdown until the moment he dies. Stellar.

Back to Jim however the guy just flat out refuses to give up on Judai, telling O’brien when asked 

which might be my FAVOURITE reason in an anime ever to befriend someone - Jim didn’t need a shared spirit sight to connect to Judai, or an amazing duel to see Judais worth or some crazy world saving deed to consider him a valuable person, Jims Crocodile Karen liked Judai so Jim talked to him and decided he liked Judai too - for Judai this makes Jim one of only two people in the ENTIRE FOUR SEASONS OF GX that decide they like Judai just for Judais personality. (The other is Johan) I’m leaving out Yubel because we don't actually know very much about their first life and therefore how the friendship/literal undying love/soulmate thing they’ve got going on started.

Also interesting to me is the reaction Judai has to Jim being pinned by his advisors on the walls of the castle after accepting Jims challenge.

This guy just UP AND LEAVES

Giving O’brien the opportunity he needs to create an escape opportunity

and then tells his advisors to LET THEM GO all of whom seem very surprised by this choice - which considering this is the Judai that GENOCIDED AN ENTIRE MINI PLANE OF REALITY no shit they’re a bit shocked.

This is interesting to me because it implies that Jim and O’brien are mostly likely the first - and probably ONLY people the Supreme king ever makes the decision to let go - especially surprising when you consider Judai was specifically rounding up strong duelists and seemingly every duelist besides he could get his hands on to power super polymerisation. The argument could be made that Judai HAD super pol. at this point but he continues his campaign against the dimension regardless so I don’t think he’d have any reservations about wiping out two more people who clearly don’t agree with him a little sooner than the rest if they didn’t matter to him. Jim arrives back to duel Judai again pretty quickly after regrouping from the shock and not only does Judai arrive down pretty DAMN fast to answer him he doesn’t look happy about Jim being back to challenge him - his eyes overcast in the only moment I think we ever see of the supreme king doing anything but staring in irritation or dismissal at anyone.

Nearly every other time we see the supreme king he has the following or a similar expression on his face - his eyes are never hidden.

Jim also does something that I found significant and refuses to deny that what’s happening and who’s doing it is Judai - literally refusing to call him anything except Judai and acknowledging it’s his friend who’s doing these things while still wanting to help him

And then he jumps into Judais brain like he’s going to fisticuffs Judai’s depression himself and it’s FANTASTIC, all the while yelling encouragement at Judai not to listen to his own shitty self destructive thoughts and that he doesn’t need ‘darkness’ as a coping method.

^^^ the shitty thoughts

^^^^ Jim encouraging him

Jim then does something that is far from small, in fact it’s one of the best things you can do for a friend when they are really, truly a danger to themselves (and others)

Jim acknowledges that words alone are not enough and that it is time for action.

While Jim has been acting to help Judai all this time I honestly believe this is as close to physically intervening as yugioh and it’s whole “everything must be solved by dueling” premise can get. This is - in my opinion - the yugioh equivalent of dragging your friend to therapy. To pulling away the knife.

And we get what might be the craziest, most understated reaction in the entirety of GX -

-Jim gets through to him.

It’s only for a moment and as we all know it ends terribly, but I honestly think this is one of the most understated, underappreciated moments in GX - everyone talks about Judais relationship to Sho, to Johan, to Yubel and honestly all of that is valid - the oldest friend, the closest friend, and the most complicated relationship with the craziest pay-out respectively, but no one ever talks about the fact that Jim Crocodile Cook, the very sweet Australian boi, nearly talked Judai out of his tyrannical rampage with nothing more than the fact he cared about him.

I dunno, I just think it’s crazy that doesn’t seem to be a bigger thing in the fandom from what I’ve seen, Jim deserves a hell of a lot of recognition and it makes me honestly UPSET that they don’t do more with him after this.

[liukangmybeloved]

everyone else is fighting for second {Mortal Kombat (2021)}

SPOILERS FOR MORTAL KOMBAT (2021)

Summary: Canon Divergent AU. Crack & Fluff. The team develops into something of a found family, which happens to include Cole's actual family. They take a day off from fighting to go to the fair, where the biggest question is 'who is Cole's daughter's favourite in the team?' Besides her dad, of course. Kano is very competitive about this question.

A/N: 1968 words. I will take a meat-tenderizer and FIX the canon and make it SOFT. i love cole young and mk 2021, if you don't like that, you've been warned. everybody lives/nobody dies AU & kano isn't a traitor. also imagine there's just like.... more time before the tournament. enough to become a found family. like i said, fluff & crack. warnings for swearing.

If Cole had it his way, Emily and Kano would have never met. He would be perfectly happy letting everyone else on the team meet her, but he's yet to hear a single sentence leave Kano's mouth that didn't include some colourful variation of 'fuck', 'shit', 'wanker', or 'cunt'. So unsurprisingly, he wasn't exactly eager to let his teenager daughter near the man who Sonya had literally called 'scum of the Earth', but alas.

"I'll be on my best behaviour, pinky-swear!" Kano's grin was all teeth as he'd held his pinky finger up to Cole's glowering face, wiggling it a little when Cole made no move to finish the pinky-swear.

"If you say - cunt -" and the word sounds so uncomfortable coming from Cole, he damn well looks uncomfortable just saying it, "within a hundred feet of her, I'll get Kung Lao to cut you in half." And he gesutres over to where Kung Lao and the rest of their ragtag bunch of misfits; the man in question had forgone his usual weapon for a more modern, soft-brimmed sunhat, but his jaunty wave to Kano at the sound of his name still managed to be menacing. The Australian shuddered in horror at the mere thought; at least he took the threat seriously.

"You don't have to be jealous, man," the threat seemed to only have dampened Kano's jovial attitude momentarily, as he's got a spring in his step as he follows Cole to the rest of the gathered champions, "Uncle Kano's gonna set a fuckin' - flippin' -" he corrects himself as Cole shoots him a warning look, "great example." Sonya barks a loud, derisive laugh as Cole sees fit to remind him that he's not Uncle Kano.

"Emily's a good kid," Liu Kang assures, kind and sincere.

"Yeah, she never even believes me when I tell her Kano's a dirty, little rat," Kung Lao smirks in the face of Kano's sudden outrage, and Cole is pretty sure that, despite it being Emily and Alison's idea, to give the team a day of levity and to bond, this might be the worst plan he's ever agreed to.

"This is a day of bonding, not of infighting," Raiden's voice joins them, followed by the God himself only moments later, which is enough to unite all the champions in confusion at his choice of wardrobe for the day. While still sporting a majority of his usual attire, somehow he'd managed to procure a t-shirt with a meme of all things on it, a personalised meme!

"I designed it myself, I think it turned out pretty okay; whaddya think?" Kano sounded far too proud of himself, looking at the cartoon drawing of what could only be Raiden himself pointing awkwardly at Thor as depicted in Marvel Comics, who was pointing back.

"We are both Gods of Thunder," Raiden explained, pointing to his own shirt; Sonya had gone wide-eyed, unsure of how to react, while Jaxx was doing his utmost not to burst out laughing.

"I... didn't know you knew what a meme was," Cole admits, though honestly, once the shock had worn off of, it was rather charming.

"I didn't know you knew what a meme was," Kano fired back, equally confused.

"I have a thirteen-year-old, of course I know what a meme is -" but then it seems to hit him just as it hits Sonya and Jax, and the three of them turn to the pair of confused, cave-dwelling, internet-free champions. None of them knew where to begin trying to explain the whole situation, but thankfully, Raiden chose that moment to open a lightning portal, and they all headed through quickly.

----

The night that Cole and his family had gone home after everything had gone down, the fighting, Sub-Zero, and the man he's pretty sure is the ghost of his ancestor, Emily had looked him dead in the eye and called him a super hero.

And then told him that his friends were really cool.

This was a sentiment that his new friends seemed to share about his family.

Cole quickly comes to realise that family isn't something a lot of the rest of the team have nowadays; they have each other, but for a lot of them, that's mostly it. He sits on an invite to dinner that he'd already ran past Alison several days ago, before inviting Liu Kang and Kung Lao over, if nothing else, to repay the hospitality they'd shown him so early on.

Alison's rule was that there was to be peace on their property; no training, no fighting, but the team was welcome as long as they didn't bring trouble to the door.

So then it was Sonya and Jaxx, who brought dessert when they came over.

Emily once asked what Thunder Gods ate. Did they eat? Cole wasn't sure. He extends an invite to Raiden anyways, but it's politely declined. The next time, however, he took up Cole's invite, mostly for the company, and to thank Alison and Emily for their patience; having Cole away so often wasn't easy, he'd be the first to acknowledge that. Alison appreciated the sentiment, as did Emily, though she was also just bursting with questions for the God, and he did his best to answer what he could.

Then finally - finally - after so long spent with the team, of most of them coming to find comfort and serenity in his home on the occasions that they need it, Kano is invited to Sunday lunch too.

----

"I know us champions and our super powers are pretty cool," Kano says to Emily, the moment they step through the lightning portal and emerge into the sunshine and the noise of the fair, "but I'm your favourite, right? Besides your old man, of course," and he rolls his eyes a little at that, as does Cole, for very different reasons, while Alison shoots Cole a questioning look. Thankfully she still does not trust Kano as far as she could throw him.

For her part, Emily answers incredibly diplomatically, sounding much older than her thirteen years, and quite a bit like her mother;

"Kano, you're a grown man, my approval shouldn't matter to you," she sounds sincere, which is completely undercut by Kung Lao sliding into step beside Kano.

"Which means you're not her favourite," he teases, and Kano practically growls back, embarrassed, while Emily calls out to Raiden that she likes his shirt. He practically beams.

"Not a lot of people will really get it, though," she points out, and Raiden muses on that for a moment.

"But I get it, and it's mine."

"Fair point," Emily nods at that, as their strange group steps up to buy tickets.

---

Emily spends more of the fair of people's shoulders than she does actually walking, which delights her endlessly. Mostly she's up on Jax's shoulders, and charges her cotton candy for the ride, ripping a small chunk from the one Cole had bought for her.

"It's weird seeing you all look so normal," she says to Sonya, the two of them in line for the Dodge 'Em Cars alongside Liu Kang and Kung Lao. Sonya grins, knows exactly what she means, gaze turning to the two members of the Shaolin Order of Light, not that anyone would know simply from looking at them now. Where Liu Kang had found a pair of trendy, ripped jeans was beyond Sonya's imagination.

"You look cool, though," Emily amended quickly, "I didn't realise you all would come to the fair, but I'm glad you did," she's smiling brightly as they get closer to the front of the line.

"Who did you expect to come along today?" Liu asks, eyes wide and curious. It wasn't that he was as competitive as Kung Lao or Kano, but he still found the child's interpretation of their group to be interesting. She knows, in some capacity, what they're capable off; she'd watched her father slice, dice, and kill Goro after all. The fact that she could think so highly of them speaks a lot to her capacity for kindness, or perhaps her childish naivety, but Liu preferred to think it was the former.

Emily, however, goes quiet, seems to be a little embarrassed. She mutters something, avoiding eye contact with any of them, and Liu goes to ask her to repeat herself, but she interrupts him while doing so;

"I wanted Dad to have a day off," she admitted, before adding, "and... and Lord Raiden; I don't think he's had a day off this millennium."

"It's good of you to look out for them," Sonya tells her fondly, "our team can be pretty single-minded, but we needed this day off, I think." And she gives Emily a pet on the shoulder, and lets her steer the tandem Car when they finally get a turn.

----

"It's me, right? I'm your favourite," Jax asks Emily over lunch, not because he genuinely believes it, but because it riles up Kano, and to a lesser extent, the competitive Liu Kang.

"Jax is one bad day away from pledging his allegiance to Skynet, he can't be your favourite -" Kano grumbles.

"Dad's my favourite," Emily reminds them sternly, and Cole has to hide his proud little smile, before she adds, "and mom's my favourite too, the rest of you, well of course you're all badass as hell -"

"Is it Liu? 'Cos he's pretty and you're, yanno, a teenage girl," Kano scowls at the warrior who'd been attempting to just quietly enjoy his basket of fries. Both Cole and Alison are wearing similarly murderous expressions, and Kano raised his hands in mock surrender, dropping his gaze.

"Actually," Emily said pointedly, despite the embarrassed flush on her cheeks, though she was mirroring her parents intensity, "my favourite is Raiden because he's literally a God that shoots lightning out of his hands, and you're now my least favourite because you're a rat bastard."

"I taught her that," Kung Lao was grinning from ear to ear, and when he and Emily look to each other, they share a definitive nod.

"How come he's allowed to teach her words like bastard?!" Kano demanded to know.

"Because you're a bastard," Sonya interjects.

Kano is thankfully quiet for the remainder of lunch, sulking at his end of the table as chatter returns to normal, returns to talk of how everyone else had been enjoying the day.

----

At the end of the day, Kano shoves a large, stuffed kangaroo at Emily that he'd won at the booth where you had to knock over bottles.

"Didn't even use me eye or anything; lost an hour of my life and fifty fuckin' dollars," he was grumbling, while Emily was examining the prize.

"You won this?" She seemed endeared by it, endeared by the thought that he'd put the time into winning it for her.

"'course I won it, can I stop being your least favourite now?" He asked, and Emily tucked the kangaroo beneath her arm, giving him an appraising look.

"You can't buy my loyalty -"

"Wouldn't want it if it could be bought, I know that shit from experience," Kano interjected, crossing his arms defensively, ignoring where Cole was glowering at him every time he swore.

"But you put time in, and effort, so you're back to third with everyone else."

"As long as none of those bastards is beating me, I'm okay with that."

As they headed to the exit, to where Raiden had created a lightning portal for them all to go home through, Emily reached out and punched Kano lightly in the shoulder.

"Thanks, Kano, it's pretty sweet that you care so much."

"Don't tell the others," he grumbled back.

"We've been with you all day," Jax calls out, "we already know."

[gamergirl929]

The Aussie And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (USWNT x Reader)

A series of unfortunate events results in you, a talented Australian pro soccer player, being incredibly late to a meet and greet with the USWNT days before camp. Despite each and everything going wrong, there’s one good thing that comes out of the day...

Slight Tobin Heath x Reader

"This is the worst fucking day, ever.” You growl as you race through the streets, in the pouring rain, darting towards the restaurant where you’d be meeting a number of USWNT players, along with the coaches and such.

You’re about to dart across the street, the light still red when someone zips through it, not only nearly clipping you but throwing dirty water all over you and the only clothes you had since the airline lost your luggage.  

“FUCKING HELL.” You yell tugging on your muscle tee that’s now sticking to you more than it had been before, at least it isn’t see through like it was before considering it’s now covered in muddy water.  

You let out a groan before continuing your run, now only a block away from the restaurant.

You hadn’t been able to get a hold of anyone considering someone had decided to swipe your cellphone in the airport, luckily, there was no way they could unlock it, unluckily, you were out a cellphone.  

Finally, you make it to the restaurant, slipping inside you kneel down, panting heavily, your hands on your knees.  

“Excuse me Ms? we have a specific dress code-

The guttural snarl you send the man has him recoiling, his eyes wide.  

“Well, considering the airport lost my clothes, I can’t really dress up too much can I? Also I have others I’m meeting here.” You snarl, the man frowning.  

“I’m sorry for that ma’am but-

You shake your head.  

“Move you damn wanker.”  

You slip passed him, the man basically chasing after you as you move through the ritzy restaurant, shirt covered in mud and soaked through.  

“Ma’am if you don’t leave, I’m going to have to call security.”  

Thankfully, you catch sight of your possible, future teammates, every one of them of course, dressed exquisitely.  

“Ma’am this is a private ven-

“LOOK.” You yell, making the man jump back a few feet, whereas everyone turns to you, all of them immediately recognizing you.  

“I have had a SHITTY day you little tight ass, and damn it, this IS MY VENUE.” You growl, the man shrinking away from you in horror.  

“And if you want me to be dressed up so bad, maybe I’ll go to the dollar store and buy a fucking clip on tie like you did!” You growl, jerking his tie off and throwing it on the floor before you turn around and march away.  

From the group of women comes the sound of a loud snort one of the women mumbling to a number of the other players.

“Well I like her.”  

You run your hands down your face, frowning as you move towards the room full of incredibly talented, powerful and attractive women, all donned in dresses and suits where as you are in a pair of muddy Nikes, dirty black jeans and a completely soaked, muscle tee, that used to be white but is now stained brown thanks to the car that nearly ran you over.  

Vlatko Andonovski approaches you with a smile, glancing down at your disheveled appearance.  

“You look like you’ve been through a lot.” He simply states and you chuckle, nodding.  

“You have, NO idea.”  

Nonetheless, you give the man’s hand a shake.  

“It is nice to finally meet you.”  

"You too sir. I’m so sorry I’m late.” You shake your head. “The airline had issues with the plane so it was delayed, someone stole my phone at the airport, the airport ALSO lost my luggage so I have no clothes.” You motion to your muddy, dirty shirt and jeans.  

“Well that sounds like a real cluster.”  

You turn chuckling when you see most of the USWNT Veterans looking your way.  

“I also nearly got ran over trying to get here.” You run your hands down your face, glaring when you see the man from earlier making his way towards you, two people at his sides.  

“And now I’m probably going to get arrested.”

“Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” One of them says and you cover your face with your hands, letting out a sob-laugh as you shake your head.  

“Is this because I made fun of your tie?” You fake cry, shaking your head.

“Can you at least throw me out the back door so I can keep some of my dignity?”  

“Actually, she’s with us.” Megan steps forward with a smile.  

“Which that little dickhead-

Someone elbows you, that someone being Alex Morgan and you clear your throat.  

“Something you didn’t actually ask.” You say, jaw clenched.  

Vlatko eventually talks the man into taking his two coworkers and leaving but not before you send him a deadly glare that some Australian's would compare to that of a Black Mamba.  

“Get stuffed.” You growl, the man shuffling away quickly.  

“What position do you usually play?” Mallory asks curiously and you sigh, leaning forward, your head hitting the table, shaking the plates and utensils.  

“I usually play the role of the Angry Aussie, but sometimes, I’m a defender.” You smile the young girl giggling.  

You freeze, smiling when you see a little boy waving your way and you smile, moving to your feet and making your way towards him, the little boy grinning.  

“Can I get an autograph?” He asks with a toothy grin and you smile, taking the napkin he hands you with a massive smile.  

“Of course you can little man.”  

You scribble your name and the boy smiles waving the napkin at his parents.  

“There you go buddy.” You ruffle his hair, turning to head back towards the group of USWNT.  

“I had to get an autograph from Australia's worst player.” He sneers and you quickly turn around, eyes narrowed.  

“You little wanker.” You mumble, lunging at the kid who quickly runs away, laughing.  

“What the fuck is wrong with every-

You’re cut off when you turn around, a waitress full of trays of water running right into you, considering she isn’t looking where she’s going.  

You stand still, nodding, your lips in a hard, tight line as cold water seeps through your clothes, droplets running down your face.  

You turn back to the USWNT players who are all watching you, eyes wide.  

“I don’t want to be on the team anymore, I’m going home.”  

You turn around to leave, again nearly running into someone, but that someone gives you a kind smile, that someone being Tobin Heath.  

You open and close your mouth a couple of time, wide Y/E/C orbs darting around the woman’s face.  

“H-Hey.” You mumble nervously, swallowing hard.  

“Hey.” She grins and your cheeks flush, Tobin Heath’s smile was much better and brighter in person, and of course, when it was directed at you.  

“You look like you’ve had a good day...” She smirks and you snort, rolling your eyes, catching sight at the little boy who’d asked you for your autograph out of the corner of your eye, the little boy giving you the finger.  

“Little demon.” You snarl, Tobin following your gaze to the little boy who stops giving you the finger and waves at her sweetly.  

“What the fuck?” You mumble, shaking your head. “Aye! Why don’t you like me?” You yell and the little boy sticks his tongue out.  

“You SUCK!”  

The little boy waves as he and his parents walk away, just now seeing the Arsenal colors poking out from the collar of the boy’s shirt.  

“Now I understand why he’s a wanker.” You mumble, eyes doubling in size when you realize Tobin is still standing next to you.  

You open your mouth to speak, immediately snapping it shut when somehow, another drink is splashed on you, courtesy of the same clumsy waitress from moments before, the woman literally running away from you.  

Tobin’s brown orbs widen as she stares at you, spotting the muscle in your jaw jumping.  

“Again, I don’t want to be on the team.” You glance around. “I’m going home.”  

You go to make your way passed Tobin, but before you can the woman slips her jacket off and places it on your shoulders.  

“You look like you could use this.” She smiles and you nod, glancing down at the jacket now hanging off of you.  

You blush, slipping your arms into the sleeves with a toothy grin.  

“Th-Thanks. Only good thing to happen today.” You chuckle, Tobin patting your shoulder before she turns to move towards the others, immediately heading towards Vlatko.  

Your eyes remain glued to her, that is until you spot the veteran’s of the team out of the corner of your eye, smirking as their eyes dart from you, to Tobin and back.  

You quickly turn around, nearly running into the same waitress from earlier.  

“Honey, you need a new job, you’re too clumsy for this one.” You say softly, your hands on her waists to keep her steady.  

The woman suddenly pulls her hand back, slapping you across the face before rushing away.  

You turn back around, towards the team, a number of them trying to bite back their laughter while others look on in disbelief.  

Tobin is giving you a small, apologetic smile and you groan, caressing your stinging cheek.  

“The United States hates me.”  

                                                          ***

You cover your face with your hands, whining.  

“Please, tell me you’re kidding, you’re not kidding, are you?” You groan, Vlatko unfortunately shaking his head.  

“Looks like there was an error with the room assignments, and you’re not on the list... At all.” He sighs and you shake your head.  

An elderly woman approaches you, tapping your shoulder before motioning to your sleeve.

“You know, tattoos are a sin and-

“STUFF IT YOU OLD HAG.” You yell, the elderly woman’s eyes wide as she shuffles away.  

Kelley snorts, loudly, tears running down her cheeks as she cackles.  

You turn back to Vlatko, wincing.  

“Can we please pretend like that didn’t happen?” You beg, the man smirking.  

“For now.”  

You clap your hands together, looking up at the sky.  

“Thank fuck.”  

“Now we just have to figure out where you’re staying.” He sighs and you slowly nod.  

“She can stay with us, right Tobe?” Christen, grins, her best friend’s cheeks flushed pink.  

“If not I’m sure that lovely woman wouldn’t mind if I roomed with her.” You point to the old woman who’s standing nearby.  

“Aye! You care if we room together? We’ll be together in hell soon anyway.” You shrug the elderly woman glaring at you before leaving the lobby.  

“Well there goes my backup plan.” You shake your head, snickering.  

Kelley shakes her head, clapping her hands.  

“You better make it on the roster, because I love you.”  

“Here’s hoping.” You grin, glancing at Vlatko who shakes his head, laughing.  

“We still have to see you play.” He smirks and you nod, holding your hands up.  

“I know, I know.”  

“Ms. Y/L/N?” You hear someone say and you turn around, ready for someone else to take a shot at you in some way.  

“What?” You ask warily, grinning when you see a man in front of you holding...

“My suitcase!” You grin, taking it from his hands.  

“It was just delivered.” He nods and you surprise him by giving him a hug.  

“Thank you.” You give him a squeeze and the man grins.  

“N-No problem.”  

The man scurries off and you grin, hugging your suitcase to your chest before pulling it open, THANKFULLY everything inside is untouched.  

“So?” Christen says and you turn around, humming.  

Christen points at you, then herself, then Tobin.  

“Roommates?” She asks and you nod, glancing at Tobin who’s smiling softly.  

“Sure.”  

                                                          ***

You sigh loudly, stretching as you make your exit from the shower, the filth of your day melting away with a blisteringly hot shower.  

“Feel better?” Tobin asks and you nod.  

“Absolutely better. I have to say my first day in America was certainly memorable.” You shrug, you glance at the opposite bed, realizing that Christen is already fast asleep.  

“Well someone was knackered.” You smirk, Tobin’s brows furrowing.  

“Tired.” You chuckle and Tobin nods.  

You wordlessly move to the hotel room’s couch, being stopped by a hand on your wrist.  

“I have enough room.” She nods to the bed and your cheeks flush.  

“You don’t have to.” You shake your head and Tobin smiles, giving your wrist a squeeze.  

“If you’re sure... I’ll try not to steal the Mache-.” You point to the bed and Tobin’s brows furrow.  

“Shit, sorry the, the sheets.”  

Tobin nods, grinning.  

“Going to take a bit for me to break the Aussie mindset.” You laugh nervously, pulling the covers back, standing beside the bed, Tobin doing the same.  

The woman smiles, slipping into bed, you slowly, bashfully following suit.  

You stay on the edge of the bed, nearly falling off so you can keep some space between you and Tobin.  

“I showered too you know; you don’t have to sleep on the floor.” She teases and you chuckle, finally scooting closer to the woman.  

“Sorry, I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable...” You mumble and Tobin smirks.  

“You know, I saw your bra the first time we met, I don’t think you could make me uncomfortable.” She shrugs and you groan, loudly.  

“Please, don’t remind me.”  

The two of you talk well into the night, so much so you worry about how tired you’ll be the following morning, but that doesn’t matter, because getting to know Tobin Heath had made you terrible day turn into a pretty great one.  

Meanwhile, in the opposite bed, Christen is grinning, her plan to get the two of you to share a bed had worked perfectly.  

But how far that plan would go had yet to be seen.

[a-year-abroad-blog]

Solo in Switzerland

This month I took on a new challenge: I travelled alone for the first time ever.

When I decided I wanted to travel alone to Switzerland for my break in classes in February, I got a lot of negative feedback. My friends, some of my roommates, and my parents were either confused as to why anyone would want to do something like this, scared for my safety, or doubtful that I could accomplish such a feat (considering my lack of international travel experience, I get it).

As a Type A enneagram 3, also known as "The Achiever", I literally find a project in everything. I plan and prepare down to the last detail to ensure I maximize every moment for efficiency in everything I do. Therefore, when I travel, I do not ~vacation~. To me, in order to feel like I made the most of my time, I put in time and effort in researching my destination and completing my detailed itinerary. (Shoutout to my mom for all those years of elaborate Disney World itineraries. I swear this is why I can't just go with the flow now.) I really wanted to make my own itinerary and check off all the boxes.

Over the years I've found that my mental health is pretty much fully dependent on accomplishing challenging things. Emphasis on challenging-- making my bed everyday and doing well in school no longer give me satisfaction (RIP). I felt I could strengthen my self confidence, because going on a trip alone for the first time can be anxiety inducing and uncomfortable at times. Through this trip I could expand my comfort zone and feel more confident in these types of situations in the future. Travelling solo would also allow me to prioritize my own interests and engage in activities on my own terms. Travel is very important to me in order to build a more enriched life, improve my capacity for empathy, increase my cultural awareness, and have a positive impact on my personal development.

So I went to Switzerland alone. I took a train for six and a half hours and made it to Interlaken. I won't write about everything I did, but I do want to keep a record here of some of the highlights. The first day I was able to bike the circumference of beautiful Lake Brienz thanks to a very kind man who loaned me his bike. I LOVE biking and being outside in general. Interlaken has truly one of the prettiest landscapes I've ever experienced. The lake was turquoise with swans and little ducks floating on the surface. The route took my about 3 and a half hours to complete, including some unplanned twists and turns. Although it was just a sunny morning bike ride, I can genuinely say that this was a moment I was truly happy :)

Other highlights of the trip were my paragliding and kayaking excursions. As previously mentioned, I love a challenge. I knew I would be afraid to paraglide, especially without the comfort of a friend going with me. So that's exactly why I did it. I have two mottos: 1. I will never keep from doing the things I want simply because other people don't understand or because I am afraid. 2. What's the worst that could happen?

Hahahah but seriously, paragliding was super fun and I wasn't nearly as nervous as I thought I'd be. I made friends with the guys in my group and it was fun to have people to talk to. The views were awesome and I left feeling proud of myself.

Kayaking was also so fun! I accidentally fell in love with the Australian instructor who had to keep helping me (I was in fact the straggler of the group. No shame.) While he floated beside me at my not-so-brisk pace, we chatted about a seriously vast range of topics, including but not limited to: veganism, the importance of not relying on substances to have fun, religion, being an expat, and running into people in strange places (FYI i literally ran into my neighbor in a Crepe Cafe in Interlaken, he ran into a highschool 'mate' at a bull race in Pamplona). While kayaking, I also met two girls who were visiting Switzerland from Italy and Spain on study abroad trips. Throughout the afternoon on the water we had lots of fun getting to know each other.

I also visited Jungfraujoch-- a viewing point in the Bernese Alps and known as the Top of Europe (it has the highest railway station in Europe). Although it was a little complicated to reach (literally 3 different trains and a gondola over the course of 3 hours), the view from the top was unbelievable. As a South Carolina native, I had never seen anything like it before. I was above the clouds. I felt super far away from home in the best way.

During my time in Switzerland I also visited Bern, Zurich, and Lucerne (was going to visit Geneva but it rained and was a very expensive train ticket). I'll share my itinerary with everything I did as a PDF-- I don't want to mention every historical landmark and lookout point I visited. I wasn't a huge fan of Bern, but it was neat to see Switzerland's capital and its parliament building. I LOVED Zurich. I would 1000% live there if given the chance. I really appreciated that everything was so clean and the infrastructure was impressive. Lake Zurich was insane and everyone I talked to was incredibly friendly. Lucerne was great as well. I stayed through the sunset and appreciated the lights of the city as I prepared to say goodbye to Switzerland.

I had a better time on my first solo excursion than I could have ever imagined. It is liberating and empowering to know that I am fully capable of international travel and persevering through times of intimidation and discomfort. There is definitely real truth in "you'll never know if you don't try." Throughout this experience, I was able to both enjoy my own company and meet new people with a variety of different perspectives and backgrounds (To the 38 year old woman from my hostel who desperately wanted me to come skiing with her-- hey bestie!). I can't wait for my next trip!

Link to my itinerary:

file:///C:/Users/carol/Downloads/Switzerland%20Travel%20Itinerary.docx.pdf

[lesbian-deadpool]

Don’t Say Goodbye

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 2,193

Warnings: Blood, injury, panic, implied smut, friends with benefits situation, anger, heartbreak. I think that's it!

Request: For @viarogers​ who donated to the Australian Bushfires.

Summary: What a shit show.

A/N: I really hope you enjoy this!

(Not my GIF)

***

Well, this has gone terribly.

No.

Oh, no-no.

This was worse than terrible.

This was a disaster. And it had been from the moment it started.

The mission was a complete failure.

However, that’s not where it started.

(Seven months ago)

“Natasha?” You asked in the cold dead night, staring up at your bedroom ceiling. Eyes used to the dark of the room. The sun would be rising soon, anyway. You knew you wouldn’t be getting any sleep, so it was fruitless for you to even try.

“Hmm?” Natasha hummed, as she sat at the edge of your bed, pulling on her clothes.

You couldn’t bare to look at her. If you did, it was certain you would surely break down.

“Why do we keep doing this?”

Natasha chuckled, totally blanking the far off drawl to your voice.

“Because sex is fun,” she said, jumping up and down as she pulled on her jeans. Before turning to face you, leaning over your face, “And you’re a good lay.”

With that, Natasha pressed a hard kiss onto your lips, one that she did not notice that you had not reciprocated.

“I’ll see you later, baby,” she smiled over her shoulder, moving to leave the room, “Let’s do this again later.” With her back facing the door, Natasha shook her hips, with a teasing smirk on her face. “Maybe a quickie in the storage closet.”

“I’m a good lay?” You asked, still stuck on her words.

“Well, yeah.”

“Is that all I am to you?”

Natasha stopped fixing her hair, to turn and look at you once again.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Answer my question,” you ordered.

“No. You’re not just a lay to me.”

“Then what am I?”

“Y/N,” Natasha said slowly, crawling onto the bed next to you, hand caressing your chest. Your body unmoving, eyes still locked upon the ceiling. “You’re my best friend.”

“That you sometimes sleep with.”

“I don’t think ‘sometimes’ is the most accurate word,” Natasha chuckled.

“Natasha,” your voice was firm but sad.

“Okay… you wanna be serious now?” Natasha asked sceptical, “Because that is so unlike you.”

“I’m allowed to be serious, Natasha.”

Folding her arms under herself, to rest her chin upon them, still looking at you. Natasha clarified, “I know you can. It’s just that you don’t, normally… you can’t even look at me.”

“That’s because it hurts.”

“It hurts to look at me?” Natasha asked sadly.

“Yes.”

“Y/N,” she tried, “Y/N?”

Kicking her leg over your waist, she leaned over you. Hands on your cheeks, face obscuring your view, but still unable to tear your eyes away from the ceiling above.

“Y/N, please look at me. Please,” Natasha begged.

“I can’t.”

“Why, Y/N? Why does it hurt you to look at me?”

“Because I’m in fucking love with you, and I can’t bring myself to look you in the eyes, when you only see me as your friend,” you admitted. Finally.

“Fine,” Natasha spat. She thought you were lying to get her to drop it faster. Because of course, why would she believe anyone could ever be in love with her, “Don’t tell me. You know what? Don’t even fucking talk to me.”

Storming to the door, she threw it open, before slamming it behind her.

You were right.

You didn’t sleep.

When you went out to grab breakfast not even an hour later, the whole team gave you pitying looks.

They knew of your and Natasha’s strange relationship. It’s not like either of you tried to hide it. All of them finding you in more than compromising positions, too many times for any of them to count.

Natasha was nowhere to be seen, presumably locked away in her room, allowing anger to consume her.

You hadn’t spoken since then.

Not once.

Not when the team had, as Tony liked to call ‘em, “Family dinners”. Let's just say the name stuck, and that’s what everyone called it now.

Not when it was just you two left at the compound.

Not during a mission, a briefing, nor the debriefing.

You didn’t even fight. There was no contact. Almost as if you were to say “hi” to the other, you would keel over.

You had gone on many missions like this with one another. It was only an amount of time before a mission like this was bound to happen.

It had been disastrous, from start to finish.

You were bombarded by HYDRA Agents as soon as you had stepped off the Quinjet. More than had been expected. Forcing you to retreat further into the surrounding forest, and rework the mission on the spot. Luckily it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. You were The Avengers, you were always ready to think on your feet when you needed too.

The HYDRA Agents surrounded the jet, and your team was nowhere near it.

So the new objective was to wait for back up, and try to clear most of the enemy Agents away from the jet, to retreat back to base, and rework your plan accordingly.

A difficult mission. But easy enough to understand.

But things were only to get worse.

***

You were always level headed, making jokes, and keeping things light and happy. Never one to raise your voice -other than to gain attention, or for important reasons-, to snap at anyone. You were the embodiment of calm serene nature. Always trying to make the team calm down and spirits high.

Peter had, on more than one occasion, called you “chill”, to define the energy you radiated.

It was obvious to everyone that no one feared you, even if you were a skilled agent of SHIELD and an Avenger. And you liked it that way. Who would ever want to be feared?

You felt anger -of course, you did- you just found it pointless to show it and start an unnecessary fight.

Maybe you had some emotional issues to work through. But who out of your team didn’t?

So, it was only understandable how the rest of the Avengers would react when you finally lost it.

The mission was tough. The toughest yet in your year and a half on the superhero team.

“Can we get some medical assistance over here?!” Your voice called through the comms.

“On its way,” Maria wired through from base, “Should be there in twenty.”

“Gonna need it faster than that, Maria,” you almost chided through the comms.

“There’s nothing we can do, Y/N,” Maria chided right back at you.

“Fuck,” you hissed.

The sticky red substance oozed through your fingers and flowed over the ground below her, from the wound in her abdomen. There was so much blood. Too much. The bullet had hit something vital, that much was sure. But how long the woman below you had, was not.

Natasha gripped your wrist, making you snap your attention to her tear-filled eyes. Seeing the absolute openness within them, her walls had fallen. And it was almost like that was all she had to say.

She didn’t need to verbally say anything to you. You knew exactly what she wanted to say.

I’m scared.

Please don’t let me go.

Don’t leave me.

I’m sorry.

I wish I had more time with you.

To make things right.

And that’s when you broke.

“Maria, get the med-team down here now!” you roared down the comms, unknowingly making everyone's eyes go wide with shock, of how angry you sounded, some of your teammates stumbling in their current task because of it. 

Even Natasha’s eyes, which were exponentially weaker than they were a few moments ago, grew slightly wider at your sudden outburst. Her hand, however, still gripping onto you tightly.

“Holy shit, Y/N,” Tony finally regained his composure, and was able to mutter into the comms, his voice soft with worry as he continued, “How bad is it, really?”

You didn’t reply, knowing you would break down and cry if you did, already feeling that sore burn in the back of your throat, chin wobbling as you tensed your neck.

Instead, you decided to ask, with your voice hard with worry, “Maria?”

“I’ve told them to speed things up. They should be with you in exactly six minutes.”

Sparing a glance back up to Natasha’s increasingly paling face, you knew it still wasn’t fast enough.

Natasha knew it too, if the was she smiled sadly at you was anything to go by.

“That still doesn’t work for me, Maria,” you said while pressing harder onto the still seeping bullet wound, causing the red-head you whine out in pain, “We need it faster than that.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Maria replied weakly.

“God fucking- Damnit!” Your sentence began off weak before it turned into a loud frustrated yell.

You were helpless. You literally could do nothing to help her. Everyone knew that. And you hated that.

“Y/N?”

You were pulled out of your own mind, with the whisper of your name. Thankful to have been aided in your escape from the swimming thoughts. Until that is, you saw the look on Natasha’s face.

It was pitying almost. She was so sorry. Tears streaming down her face, and a sad smile on her face.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t,” you interrupted her, “Please. Don’t.”

“Y/N, please just let me say this,” she begged. Which you nodded at her, giving her the go-ahead, to continue, “I’m so sorry. I should have stayed that night. I should have talked to you. I wish I did... I wish we had more time...”

“Please don’t do this,” you cried, chest shaking as you tried to hold in your sobs.

Natasha tugged lightly on your wrist, indicating that she wanted you to move closer to her.

“Just- Just hold me, please?”

“Of course.” You nodded. Removing one of your hands from her gaping wound, to slide it under her neck, causing Natasha to groan at the movement. You kissed in between her eyebrows, as you laid beside her. Whispering for her to try and hold on just a little while longer.

If only she had listened to your pleas. As her eyes fluttered closed, and you couldn't wake her when you shook her. Just as the quintet whirred above you, in its landing.

***

It had been fifty-seven hours since the mission.

And you had not left the hospital since you had gotten back to base.

Your hand clasped in the red-heads clammy one, eyes trained on either her chest to make sure she was still breathing, or her face to give you the confirmation you needed that she was, still in fact, here.

Natasha was still not awake.

The doctors said that it was normal with an induced coma. However, that didn’t stop your worry. You didn’t think that it would leave you until Natasha was fully back on her feet. But you knew that there would still be that little voice in the back of your head, reminding you of this. Keeping the knowledge of her mortality with you for the rest of your life.

As you stared at her face, that had regained most of its colour back, you kept on thinking back to when Natasha had become limp and lifeless in your arms. And the emergency blood transfusion you had given on the medical-evac, as medics swarmed Natasha, trying to stop the, somehow, still bleeding wound.

You hadn't noticed that you were staring blankly at your entwined hands until you felt yours being squeezed.

Looking up, you saw Natasha awake, abet groggy, and smiling at you.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“Oh, thank God you’re okay.” The relief that you felt was next to extraordinary, the weight upon your shoulders mostly leaving you, allowing you to breathe freely for the first time since the mission.

“Thank God you’re here.”

“Like I’d be anywhere else.”

The corner of Natasha’s lip twitched up, as she weakly tugged you closer to her body. Both of you relishing in the soft kiss you shared, the one that was long overdue thanks to your shared stubbornness, and obliviousness.

“What was that for?” you whispered against her lips, moving to carefully sit next to her bandaged abdomen on the bed, still caressing her hand on your lap. Your other arm holding you up on the other side of the hospital bed, as you leaned over her, Natasha’s empty hand resting on your upper arm.

If anyone were to walk into the room right now, they would instantly know that they had interrupted something so intimate and private, that they would be quick to rush out of the room.

Which is exactly what Tony did. Deciding instead it was best to fetch a doctor to check on Natasha, while you two spoke.

“I love you, too.”

“What?” you asked shell shocked.

“You-” Natasha started anxiously, her voice uncharistically small, “You still love me, don't you?”

“Of course I do.”

Natasha let out a relieved sigh.

“If you say yes, I’d really like to try again. Have a real relationship this time? Actually, try the dating thing.”

You smiled leaning down to whisper, just before you kissed her once again, “I wouldn't have it any other way.”

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia, I hope you’re well. Please feel free to ignore this if it’s too personal... but how do you deal with death as a concept when you have the chronic illnesses that you do? Are you afraid to die, and if you are, how do you keep from constantly thinking about how you could die early (so to speak) if your health takes a turn? I’ve had a lot of health scares recently and it’s getting harder and harder to just live without feeling constantly afraid. Thank you for everything you do.

Hi anon!

Firstly, I am very sorry to hear about your health scares. They suuuuuck. They really suck. I’m replying partly out of solidarity, but I don’t know if I have anything that will really work for you, because sometimes I really struggle to find things that work for me, but I’m happy to share what I’ve picked up along the way. <3 And I hope in the meantime that things pick up for you.

The timing of this is pretty spot on, in that I’m going through pretty serious scanxiety at the moment (what we call ‘anxiety around getting scans for cancer’ in my cancer support group that I’m a member of). I had a full body PET scan two weeks ago (no results yet), and I have a head/neck MRI on Friday, for which I can hopefully get the results Mon/Tuesday. But I don’t have my follow up with my Endocrinologist until late July, so I won’t know for about 6 weeks if I have any new tumours in my abdomen.

I definitely don’t want to die from this disease, and it will probably be the thing that kills me. Not any time soon, that’s less likely, but it’s just...likely overall. A lot of the statistics are stacked against me, I have three primary tumours in my head/neck, and there’s no indication that my body is going to stop growing them, and there’s no cure and likely to be no cure in my lifetime.

So yeah, I get anxious. I am afraid to die (I mean in general, unless I’m suicidal, but also specifically the way this disease is likely to kill me: progressively taking my hearing, my ability to swallow and talk, my ability to move my arms and my head and my neck, my sense of balance and ability to walk upright without collapsing, and more - which doesn’t even count metastatic disease - is a horrible way to die). And I live with the knowledge that like, it literally takes one scan result to change my entire life all over again (hence, scanxiety).

BUT, living in constant fear is just...not helpful. It’s understandable, it is an understandable emotional response, but it’s not a helpful response. Because what matters most in these scenarios is quality of life; and you get quality of life (in chronic illness and acute disease) by managing emotional outcomes as vigilantly and with as much self-compassion (and patience) as possible. So these are the things that work for me, if they don’t work for you, that’s fine, some might even feel completely wrong for you, that’s also fine and normal. The things we tell ourselves to cope in this are deeply personal. I hate the phrase ‘fuck cancer’ for example, other people who have cancer use it as a battle cry and feel strong because of it.

***

* ‘Can I literally do anything more than I’m doing to change the outcomes of my illness without hurting myself? No? Then admit you have no control over this and let it go.’ This is something I tell myself when I start panicking. ‘But what if I get this result what if this happens what if this tumour starts growing again what if.’ I just look at myself sternly and say: ‘HOW is this helpful?’ It’s NOT. Knowing the answers to any of those what ifs changes nothing in the moment except my anxiety, distress and fear levels. And then I say ‘so WHAT would be helpful? What do you have control over?’ And then I might wait and think... ‘well...I really like that Youtube channel One Meal A Day I might watch one of those videos’ or ‘well...I might journal about my feelings and give them some space (see further down) and then try and let them go because just cycling around them isn’t productive.’ Sometimes we hang onto anxiety because our brain convinces us it will somehow be helpful. With this stuff it rarely is.

* WORRY TIME. Yay worry time! Set aside 5-20 minutes a day (or every three days, or once a week, but you might need to start with once a day when things are really bad) to write down ALL of your worries about your illnesses. All the irrational things, the logical things, ALL of it, no matter how embarrassing. And omg, chase those worries down. Really sit and be with your worry. Give it space. Let it speak! But do it with the intention that once those 5-20 minutes are over, that’s it. You’re done. If your worries start up again, say gently to yourself: ‘You told me all of this during Worry Time, but if this is new, please save it for tomorrow, I will give you space to share with me then!’ Treat your worry like a little animal that doesn’t know any better, and has to be taught some boundaries. Worry Time becomes the boundary. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel anxious the rest of the time, just if you do, it’s easier to step back mindfully and go ‘huh, I’m anxious right now, that’s really interesting, but I’m going to do something about that tomorrow, and so for now I’m just going to acknowledge it but I’m going to try not to let it ruin my day.’

* ‘Everything right now, this moment, this second is exactly the way it should be.’ This is Taoism, and some people hate it. I use this most often when I’m in excruciating pain, or terrified, or literally in a panic attack. I don’t know why it helps so much, but it does. And I think it’s because it works like this: ‘Everything right now, this moment, this second is exactly the way it should be. Terrible things are happening all over the world. Other people are feeling pain like I am. Animals and plants go on living and dying. Right now everything in this moment is perfect messy imperfection and I am a part of that, a small cog in a huge ecosystem. I am a part of something, I belong in this, and I hate it - I really hate it - but even that is part of that messy imperfection. It just is. And therefore, I can release any attachment or urgency to change the things that I cannot change.’ And then...I will still be in pain, or having a panic attack, or terrified, but it will feel integrated and connected to me. It will feel like it’s a part of something. Still, ultimately, sometimes useless but...even useless excesses of terror are a part of the messy imperfection of life.

This leads onto the second:

* ‘In this moment, I am okay.’ Not like, literally 100% healthy. I’ll never be that. But I’m okay. I’m okay as a person and a human being who deserves love and comfort, and I’m okay to just grab another minute to feel okay. You can pair this with mindfulness meditation, and Smiling Mind has a great free app, and most of the meditations are between 5-8 minutes long. Sometimes ‘I’m okay’ doesn’t mean ‘I feel okay’ - and that’s okay too! I’m not trying to erase my emotions, I’m not trying to make myself never feel afraid of dying, that is an appropriate response to something that literally threatens my life but isn’t doing it urgently right this second. And because it’s not doing it right this second, well, right this second, I’m okay.

* Goals that have nothing to do with your health. For me, probably pretty obviously, it’s my writing and my art and similar. I have responsibilities towards my loved ones and my animal companions. Sometimes just...putting my head down and getting stuff done helps take my mind off things, and that also makes me feel productive and like I’m more than my illnesses. Socialising is a part of this. You are so much more than your illnesses, but you have to live that way too, that’s your responsibility to yourself, to remember that you are more, and then to embrace that in your actions (I mean, keeping in mind spoons/energy levels), even when you’re not always feeling it.

* Look at the things you can control and shore them up where you can. Like, consider writing a will. One of the things I’ve had to do is consider what I’ll do if I get sick so quickly I can never finish Fae Tales or never write anything again. These practical steps can be distressing, but sometimes they can answer background anxieties you didn’t know you had, and put them to bed. ‘I don’t need to worry about this, I’ve already done this part.’ Sometimes it’s just knowing that every time you see a specialist, you’re going to write down your questions, so you no longer need to worry about forgetting them. Things like that seem little, but they add up as background anxieties we do have control over.

* If you can afford it; Therapy. Depending on your illness/es, there may be support groups. Some are dodgy as shit (Fibromyalgia groups have categorically been the worst spaces I’ve ever encountered for genuine support), but generally speaking for serious illnesses, there are support groups. They can be an incredible resource. I help moderate the Australian/New Zealand Para/Pheo Support Group (there’s only one, lol), and like sometimes it’s depressing (people I care about do, on occasion, die), but knowing I’m not alone, knowing I can get advice about what to ask my surgeons or my Endocrinologists or Oncologists, especially for a rare disease? Fuck that’s so invaluable. And being able to help other people advocate for themselves has been really empowering for me.

* Don’t expect to get rid of your fear or anxiety entirely. If you’re alive and you’re human and you like life, you just can’t do that. So remember that when you’re feeling those things, you’re being a normal human being, and you are not alone (even when you feel like the loneliest person in the world, even that’s a part of it). It won’t fix those things, sometimes you can’t. Some days I just give as like, shit days, it happens. June I’ve given up as kind of a shit month honestly. Am I having good moments? Yes. Am I stressed every day about this disease? YES! Fun times. (I won’t be stressed every day if the scan results show that everything is the same tbh, like, then I’ll go back to ‘normal’ where I rarely think about it).

* Don’t write off the day until the day is over. I used to have this habit (and still can sometimes) of writing off the day as being ‘a bad day’ because of a terrible morning. I actually started this habit as a child, because of trauma and abuse, and it was something I kept doing because of mental illness. So this is something I was doing long before cancer came along and additionally kicked my ass. These days, even though I feel so bad sometimes I feel like hell, my entire life is a write off, I try and keep in mind that one thing can change the tone of the day and make it better. And that ‘thing’ can be me and my choices. And the fact is, even if I try some Youtube videos, or to pet my cats, or talk to friends, or whatever and it doesn’t work, at least I can look back and reassure myself: ‘You’re trying so hard, you’re really trying your best’ and also ‘you know this never lasts, it never has, you still have moments where you feel good, which means you’ll have a moment where you’ll feel good again. It’s okay. I’m okay.’

* Dark humour can be a saviour. Oh boy, can it ever. But be careful who you share it with.

* Gratitude for what you have now, and not what you might not in the future, because the future is an illusion, it’s not here now. But you are. I have a journal where I write down something I’m grateful for every day. Even if I’m feeling cynical and hateful and anxious and bitter. And then I might just say ‘I’m grateful for chips’ or ‘I’m grateful for that nice leaf I saw but nothing else’ lol. Just something. I’m grateful I can still hear, I might not hear one day, but I’m listening to a song right now. That matters. I’m grateful I can walk. I’m grateful I can read this post. I’m grateful I can still write my books despite the mild cognitive brain damage I got from radiation. My gratitude doesn’t always feel warm or nice, but I am still, somewhere, deep down, glad I haven’t lost those things.

***

It’s hard, and many of these things take time to learn, and repetition, and getting back on the wagon when you forget. Some days they won’t help, and some days you’ll be so glad of one 5 minute mindfulness meditation it saves the whole rest of the day for you. Sometimes sleeping is a really good reset tool for the brain.

Some people find Buddhism helpful (all life is suffering can become pretty zen when you’re suffering), I found the philosophy of Taoism helpful on top of my regular paganism.

ANYWAY this post is now...2,200 words long fuck that’s longer than some of my university essays I’M SO SORRY so I’m going to stop. Just, please anon, from the bottom of my heart, be gentle with yourself. It’s hard. This stuff is hard. It requires an unfair amount of effort to make it less hard, but that’s all life gives us, because life never promised to be fair or just or compassionate to us. So we must be fair and just and compassionate to ourselves. And that, in its messy imperfection, is all we can do to be a perfect part of this world. <3

[moviediary]

Grease 2

So, this movie kind of slaps in the worst way ever. You have to watch it with the knowledge that it’s terrible, it makes it a lot better. The songs are pretty underrated, a lot of them are low key bops and I would probably listen to them without watching the movie. It’s a product of its time so of course it’s aggressively heteronormative even though the main guys are very queer coded just like most 80s movies. The main girl is a fine singer, but her character is kind of boring and really just an ass most of the time. She also has no business being in a movie about the 50s (or maybe the 60s it’s not very clear) she is so obviously a quintessential 80s chick from her hair to her leather pants, she’s basically Sandy’s makeover as a person. In my opinion the main love interest could have done a lot better. He spends the whole movie doing the reverse of the first movie, going from geek to biker??? Yeah, they all ride motorcycles now, but they’re still called T-Birds which really doesn’t make sense but nothing in this movie really does. Oh! And Frenchy is in it, she came back to high school to complete her chemistry credits?? The whole movie is a mess but honestly, I enjoy watching it. I’ll watch it again, I already have.

Basically it’s the first movie but gender swapped and with a talent show and biker gangs.

The T-Birds really make this movie, they’re the most interesting characters in it. Their leader Johnny is funny and likeable despite being a dick, he has very obvious vulnerability and growth during the film which makes the audience not hate him. His goons are hilarious, they have some of the best lines in the movie and I actually laughed out loud at some of the shit they said. I could do without the gratuitous sexualization of high schoolers but what can you do. I don’t really understand why they have beef with this 20-person biker gang of full-grown adults that apparently have nothing better to do than antagonize 4 teenagers but hey I get it they need a common enemy. I also get that they were going for anger and jealousy when Johnny looked at Michael every time he was being his sexy mysterious biker persona but maybe they should have told him that because that definitely isn’t what’s coming across in his face. He has the biggest man crush I have ever seen I swear.

Michael, who is apparently Sandy’s cousin even though he’s British and she was Australian, really drives the story; everything happens because he wants to date Stephanie even though the only real conversations, they’ve had are just him being nice and her being a dick the whole time but I guess she’s pretty? So he becomes a biker to be what she wants because she wouldn’t date a hot smart guy with a British accent, no way he’s a loser. I guess. So instead he spends the whole movie trying to live up to her standards which is more than a little infuriating but lets be honest the plot isn’t really why you watch this movie. It really only starts happening in the 3rd act anyway, most of it is taken up by talent show hijinks and motorcycle themed music numbers. And a surprising amount of bowling. I wasn’t expecting the coolest kids in school to have their own bowling league but that bold choice did lead to a very confusing but fun musical number in which we see that Johnny sings high sometimes because he’s basically Danny in even tighter pants (somehow) and Paulette (a pink lady played by Judy Garland’s daughter) has an amazing voice that doesn’t get used enough in the songs.

There’s a lot of odd running gags in the movie that really don’t need to be there. Rhonda’s obsession with her “huge nose” even though it’s really not that big. The random teacher that had a nervous breakdown and keeps almost dying. The teacher whose whole gimmick is that she’s hot and maybe sleeping with her students? But definitely sleeping with the substitute teacher. The fact that Johnny’s right-hand man’s name is Goose? A reference to a movie that hadn’t even come out when this movie take place? I think anyway, like I said it’s really hard to pinpoint when this movie is supposed to take place. Also the T-Birds are on the football team I think? Or they’re running drills during PE which also doesn’t make sense with their characters. I don’t know man the whole movie is so strange they say stuff and then never bring it up again.

The ending is where I think the movie really lets you down. After a very weird talent show scene Where Steph has a very boring song and is all sad because she thinks Michael is dead, they have a party. And the party is a Luau and it’s quite possible one of the whitest things I’ve ever seen its so embarrassing. They have a long song about how they’re having a Luau and then they have a bunch of shirtless guys carry Steph and Johnny into a pool on a big throne/raft thing? And then the biker gang bursts in because they have nothing better to do and everyone’s screaming and throwing things it’s very chaotic. The continuity errors in this scene are absolutely outrageous. Then Michael shows up out of nowhere and Johnny literally quivers when he sees him (yeah he’s straight) and he singlehandedly kicks out all those hardened criminals. Then there’s a very long and awkward moment where they initiate Michael into the T-Birds even though school is basically over at this point and then Steph and Michael make out. One of my most hated scene tropes in movies, the very intimate confession and make out in the middle of a crowd. And then finally we have the last song of the movie in which Steph and Michael start off with a duet and their voices sound terrible together (it’s a sign and I refuse to believe otherwise) and then everyone else joins in and they try way too hard to tie up all the character’s storylines even though as the audience you weren’t really all that invested in greaser number three and pink lady number three’s sex life and most of these things didn’t really need to be sung out loud they were pretty minor parts of the movie. And oh, okay, everyone now ends up in a relationship even Paulette’s younger sister who I thought was in like, middle school but now I guess she’s dating the dumb guy from the T-Birds but they’re all seniors?? Okay…yeah, the ending fucking sucks it’s the worst part. The song is long and boring, and the choreography is bad but then they recap a bunch of the better songs during the credits and it’s all fine again!

Overall, the movie isn’t nearly as bad as I’ve heard other people say, I’ve seen much worse. And the thing is, the bad parts are kinda what makes it great in the first place. It’s kind of like when they made mean girls 2. It’s not really a sequel because non of the actually important characters are in it (except for Frenchy but she’s only there for like 10 minutes tops). It’s a cash grab but not the worst one. The songs are fun, and the characters are pretty fucking funny if you ignore how weird it is that they’re all like 30. I’d say watch it if it’s free to stream, don’t rent it. I probably get more out of it than a normal sane person because I read into character’s and their emotional connections way too much I basically am rewriting it in my head. I doubt anyone would be interested but I definitely broke down all the characters and their motivations and tried to figure out their actions, also known as me trying to create queer characters off of very unstable reasoning. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway, the people in this movie are pretty hot and most of the songs kinda slap so even if the plot is questionable other things make up for it.

As of now this movie is available for streaming on Amazon prime.

Final Verdict:

On my scale 7/10

Actual good movie scale 4/10

[aw-eather]

Heather Watches SG1 s7ep17&18: Heroes pt1 and pt2

 Watched 23/06/2020

Well here we go friends. I’m torturing myself for the sake of making y’all laugh and also because I have a LOT of feelings about this two parter and NONE of them are good. I can’t be the only one so lets see who else agrees with me! 

This is about to get long and very swear word heavy so avert your eyes if you aren’t into that <3 Just letting you know I use some VERY strong language this post. I’m Australian so the word isn’t uncommon for us to use and we use it as a term of endearment in some parts too but I just wanted y’all to know. 

This turned into the biggest one I’ve ever done too with 362 dot points... read if you dare

Well here we go

I’m probably gonna cry a lot

I love Saul Rubinek. 

I adore him in Warehouse 13

Artie Neilson is like the dad I didn’t have

but fuck me if I don’t hate Emmet

This WHOLE two parter is pointless and just serves to kill of a character that didn’t need to die 

Anyway getting into that a little early on

Fuck the defence department. 

You haven’t spoken to Space Dad of Texas

The most unorthodox

JFC this ass hole

I’m calling him AssHole for the rest of the episodes

Of course they don’t want them here, he’s a dick 

Hammond’s little smile

This whole episode feels sombre and sad

and we’re three minutes into the two parter

this whole thing is about to fall to shit

credits

i’m not even excited for the credits

because I’m hurting

last time I watched this I’d started crying the second it started so I’m doing much better this time 

I love watching them go up the ramp  to the gate

its nice

end credits

NO ONE ASKED YOU SAUL

that was a bomb

but NO ONE ASKED YOU 

And Teryl Rothery as Dr. Janet Fraiser

FUCK OFF

He doesn’t have time

He’s busy

Lol coughed on his hand and went to shake Saul’s hand

dead

memos... as if Jack’s ever read one of those

Sam is so awkward

I love her so much

It is nothing short of extraodinary 

she is nothing short of extraordinary and we know this

but again

NOT ONE ASKED YOU ASSHOLE

and grand empress of scifi

grand empress of my heart 

goof ball

the list goes on

god she’s so awkward’

but so adorable 

Thats fine

please annoy Daniel 

What was it like to be dead ffs

TRANSCENDED? DID YOU PAY ANY ATTENTION???

What else is he supposed to say?! He DIED he doesn’t REMEMBER ANYTHING

Daniel’s right

Its fascinating 

LOL DANIEL YOU STUPID IDIOT THATS HILARIOUS

I love Daniel when he’s pissing off people i hate

Bill <3 

Personal microwave oven... nice

And its only taken you 7 years

so glad you did though

Odd that he was on fire

but we never see that happen any other times

“He does this all the time” poor Siler

Sam looks so happy when talking technobable and about her doohickeys. 

I adore her

And honestly all that shits fascinating 

still 32 minutes left... 

honestly if it weren’t for me talking about Janets death, I’d never watch these again. 

They are genuinely some of the worst episodes of SG1

I said what I said

“Sure. Its really cool. Steam comes out of it and everything”

She’s gonna kill someone

WALTER

Thats right

FUCK OFF SAUL

DOESN’T MEAN THERE WASN’T ANY GOA’ULD HERE RECENTLY

I love that they take odds

but this scene is only here to set up the character that is the reason Janet dies

because Janet shouldn’t have been off base

but we’re not going to talk about that are we? 

The episode would have played out the same if this man had died

Anyone can die in war

Doesn’t matter if they’re a parent etc

but nah

we gotta - 

sorry I’ll stop

SHE’S SO HOT 

JACK YOU IDIOT

As if he read the memo

THERE SHOULD BE A CAKE

Obviously he can’t tell you much because he was DEAD

OMG TEAL’C

HE’S NOT SAYING A WORD

BECAUSE HE FUCKING HATES THIS GUY MORE THAN I DO

SAUL SHUT UP

LITERALLY NO ONE CARES 

GO HOME

“Dr Jackson is going to die when he sees this”

“What again?”

my dude you have NO idea

This is what happens when you go poking around

you get ambushed

because it was all a fucking set up

no explination of WHO set them up tho... it was just a set up

what

a

joke

wooooooow

they took it out with a WALL

NOT THIS FUCKING ARSE HOLE

KINSEY JUST PISS OFF 

WE DON’T LIKE YOU

WE DON’T WANT YOU

GO SUCK A ROTTEN TOMATO

EVEN SAUL IS BORED OF YOU

AND HE’S THE MOST BORING MAN I’VE EVER MET

leave Jack alone

YES JACK

Its not slander if its TRUE YOU WANKER

NO YOU HAVE NOT

PAST AND PRESENT YOU ASS

JFC

Who cares what the president wants

I am 90% sure Jack just called Kinsey a limp dick and I’ve never been prouder? 

“deep and unyielding love for you, sir” SHUT UP JACK YOU GOOSE 

Well Mr Bregman can such a toe

Fancy arguing with Space Dad from Texas

OH FUCK OFF SAUL

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

NO ONE CARES

HAMMOND IS RIGHT

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE IF YOU’RE THERE

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET HURT

YOU HAVE NO RIGT TO BE THERE

Sam joking around with Teal’c is so sweet

I love them and their friendship so much

Gah!

OF COURSE THERE IS A CHANCE THINGS WILL GO WRONG YOU NARCACISTIC FUCK

ITS LIKE TO GO MORE WRONG WITH YOU THERE

I’M SORRY I’M YELLING SO MUCH I JUST HATE HIM WITH MY ENTIRE BODY.

Well is he wrong? 

Because you’re an absolute arse, thats why it doesn’t matter

Shots of your ass serve us all well O’Neill

“How do you feel about Colonel O’Neill”

She wishes to kiss him, sir. 

And potentially much more but we shall no discuss that here

He is amazing

Time outside of work... what are you insinuating

Good cover

Like family

First and foremost her superior officer

Secondly your LOVER

because I pretend Pete doesn’t exist right now

OH THIS SCENE

Actually that was pretty cute Daniel

And you’re right it is fascinating

At some action? 

So you can be a dick and use peoples death as entertainment? 

Fuck me 

His job is the inscriptions

seriously fuck this guy

I love how Sam’s face goes from he’s right its boring to aww Daniel, he didn’t :O

I love their friendship

But it nearly could have cause people like oh, I don’t know, YOUR BOYFRIEND, SAMANTHA, stalk people

shouldn’t have stayed as long as you did

if y’all hadn’t stayed

this wouldn’t have happened

Janet my love 

I’m crying

wow Jack has been hurt a fuck tonne

he didn’t give permission

Saul is an ass

I’m literally fighting tears right now

I fucking love her so much 

You never know what to expect but you do such a good job sweetie 

I’m so proud of you

The more she talks the more proud of her I am

and the more of a loss it truly is that she goes

because she’s fucking incredible and she has so much heart 

her little laugh fucking STOP

My heart is literally breaking 

AND DR FRAISER

STOP

THEY WOULDN’T HAVE JUST WALKED INTO AN AMBUSH LIKE THAT ON ANY OLD DAY

WHY NOW

WHO WROTE THIS FUCKING SHIT

FUCK OFF SAUL

THIS IS RIDICULOUS

HER GIGGLE STOP I LOVE HER 

SHE DESERVED MORE

DO NOT GO

JANET NO STAY

BABY

and we end there to go to part two

this episode felt weird

it feels like is a drama inside a drama does that make sense? 

It kinda feels like 200

like it feels fake and like its about to cut to a shot of them sitting around a table, flabergasted and with their heads in their hands

So Robert C. Cooper wrote it

I just wanna talk buddy... just wanna talk

THEY AIRED THIS FUCKER THE DAY BEFORE VALENTIES DAY?!?! WTF SYFY?!

Alright starting episode 2

SAUL FUCK OFF YOU CAN’T BE THERE

JANET BABY DON’T GOOOOOOO

I AM CRYING

I have my pillow pet who is named Janet

She was a gag gift about 7 years ago and I was watching SG1 at the time

but also she just looked like a Janet

She’s become a staple in my life and I love her 

Anyway she always gets me through these episodes

credits

still not into it right now

should have skipped them this episode tbh

end credits

Ordered chocolate cake

it arrived

i’m happy with this choice

I don’t give a fuck about them deciding what happens in the fucking video

Good answer Daniel

I could also watch Major Carter’s head talk all day

They didn’t stand a fucking chance out there

They ran into that situation totally unprepared

which they would never have done normally

this whole two parter is fucking bull shit

and then they pit Jack and Janet against each other... like who are we gonna be more upset to lose in this moment

Fuck Jack

baby noooo

I can’t take this episode ffs

Lol Walter being cute

Get out of there

You cunt

get that fucking camera off 

fuck this guy

no Sam

fuck off 

leave her alone

punch him in the face

oh Sam honey I’m so sorry

she lost her best friend

FUCK OF SAUL

JESUS 

HER BEST FRIEND JUST DIED 

SHE’S IN PAIN

YOU DO NOT GET TO DICTATE WHETHER PEOPLE GET FILMED WHEN SHE’S CLEARLY IN PAIN

I’LL TURN YOU OFF YOU FUCKING ARSE HOLE FUCK YOU

don’t sit there all upset like your day has been ruined

And now we have them making us think Jack died so that we worry about him the entire episode instead of Janet

because who cares about her right?

FUCKING WOOLSEY

I literally just screamed

i hate him

this episode can’t get any FUCKING WORSE

I also question the decision. 

No offence Space Dad of Texas

but it doens’t make sense that you chose to do what you did

I’m sorry but it doesn’t 

FUCK OOOOOOFFFF WOOOSLEY

Hammond visiting Carter <3 

Ah Barrett

So Woolsey is a corrupt piece of shit

Whoda thunk it

I’m crying again

Poor Hammond

Poor Sam

Talking at the memorial man

OH GOOD MORE WOOLSEY

BECAUSE THIS EPISODE ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH...

Fuck him

And the truth is that you’re a dick, moving on

Daniel has a point... and I hate saying that but he has a point

I love Sam

Daniel doesn’t give a fuck

Go Daniel I’m proud of you

OH NOT SAUL AND THE F U C K I N G CAMERA

NO PISS OFF

This is cruel

to make us see her death

to show us her literal dead body was too fucking much

I’m sorry but this would have been just as powerful if Simons had died

Hes a good kid

but this would have had the same impact

I���m sick of this man

I’m sick of this shit

OH MY GOD GO THE FUCK AWAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Which is why you bastards should not have been in the fucking field

It was of a man dying

end of

Yeah but what they do every single day doesn’t mean show us JANETS DEATH

Sharing it with the world won’t make him feel any better about one of his best friends getting show you mole

Good, Woolsey again

suck my dick

So this guy put money values on peoples heads

and he got command of Atlantis? 

Yeah fuck him I’m not watching s5 of Atlantis

to be fair $27 million is a lot of money

but its still peopls lives

fuck off you smarmy git

I would love to see him tossed out on his arse

He can do that

fuck off you don’t get to say in whether or not you’re there or have a right to be there

you’re invading on peoples privacy

you’re an ass

The Tape

Fuck the N.I.D

I actually feel really bad for Daniel

fuck you Bregman

so excited to see people’s deaths

I had to pause for a moment

because I just saw Janet die

and its cruel

We didn’t have to see her death

knowing it happened was bad enough 

physically seeing her dead is like salt in the wound

Janet deserved so much more than this

hope you’re happy bregman

sam visiting Jack

hurts because i love the cute moment

but it hurts

because we shuoldn’t have had to lose janet for this

Cassie... my heart is broken

the way he looks at her when she starts crying and the hug  like he has been there with her so many times 

its all so sweet 

and they’re so in love but they can’t have each other

its rude 

Poor Simon... 

Poor Sam

watching her cry is so hard

and Teal’c 

guys i’m not sure i can finsih this

ok sorry I’m back

Gotta pick up Cassie

Cassie 100% lived with Sam right? 

Oh Teal’c... i love you so, so much you sweet angel

and the little hug.. their friendship is beautiful

I’m so sick of Bregman at this point

and them being in the room where Daniel died, where Jack chose to get his symbiote, where they saved Cassie and Sam and countless others, where they helped Teal’c

Janet was so strong, so wise

oh Daniel... I’m sorry 

It does but others don’t need to see it Daniel

Oh fuck I’ll be back after the memorial

its such a beautiful memorial

and Im glad they chose Sam to talk 

I’m gonna say some more in my final notes

its hard right now with the tears

I still think you’re an absolute arse, Saul

This was kinda sweet actually

oh they named the baby Janet

i’m never gonna stop crying 

Oh Jack

he’s so unimpressed

what a stupid way to end it

sorry but that was shit

Final thoughts

i genuinely hate these episodes. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever watch them again. Even with another watch through.. they’re not as well written or directed as other episodes, they’re unbelievable in the cannon of the show and breaks their own rules, not to mention the sheer heartbreak

Bregman is one of the most unlikeable characters in the show. If Simmons had of been alive he could have been in the episode too just to add to the trifecta of cunts!

Cassie should have been at the memorial

they make you think Jack is dead so we won’t worry about janet to what? make it more of a shock? because it doesn’t work. It should never have been designed to make us feel relief at Janet’s death because it wasn’t Jack! It doesn’t do her justice. 

Janet Fraiser was a smart woman with a massive heart. She was brave and strong and she cared for everyone even when they were arseholes. She had a bit of fun with SG1 sometimes too. She was an incredible Dr, mother and friend.  Janet was tiny but tough. Something that i aim for. I’m 5ft2 so basically the same as Janet and believe it or not i’ve had people question my ability to be a good teacher because noone will take me seriously. Janet always made me feel like people would take me seriously and that even though I’m small, I can do big things. She encouraged me to be a good person with a heart of gold. Her death hits really hard for that reason. but also because she was an incredible character who deserved more than what she was given. Hardly any screen time and then murdered to make some sort of point that didn’t need making??? Not to mention she’s mentioned twice in the next three seasons and when she “comes back” in Ripple Effect she spends almost no time with Sam which makes exactly 0 sense. 

Someone recently said they heard she was killed because the writers didn’t know how much more time they had and wanted to wrap some stuff up? Lets not forget that they made the end of this season a huge cliff hanger... but I’m still not sure what we could wrap up with her death? She had a fucking child!

Any way I won’t be watching this again. I’m sorry this isn’t much fun but hopefully you’ve got a giggle out of me swearing at the idiots 

I love you all for reading this and supporting me posts, they’re usually pretty fun to make honestly!

[pennypeabody]

When I was a child I used to wish my Aunty and uncle were my parents. Most of my childhood they were childless, so to me they were the cool relatives. They travelled, ate take out, they met in a bar which was cool to me because my own parents were really Christian and they don’t drink or anything. So for the longest time they were the cool uncle and aunty, they always went overboard on Christmas and birthday gifts. You know the type. Anyway they did eventually have their own kid and ended up moving closer to us, as beforehand they lived in another state (which added to the cool factor obv) but since Facebook became this cesspool of misinformation I’ve had to witness a change in someone I used to admire the most.

My Aunty believes every Facebook conspiracy you could imagine. Yeah she was always a Christian lady who did have some conservative views, but she was out there working with all kinds of people and wasn’t this overwhelmingly judgemental person, but thanks to Facebook she will believe in the worst of the worst. She is Australian but is now a fully fledged trumpie because of Facebook and it’s lack of fact checking and allowance of conspiracy theorists to indoctrinate the naive into believing anything they can create “facts” for. I’ve had to slowly watch this person I love turn into someone who actively partakes in the breeding of ignorance. And the influence she has on those around her who will read what she shares or listen to what she “knows” has spread to my household. My parents have always leaned toward conservative views, they’re very sheltered and raised four kids to be the same way. However they typically knew there was a line between politics and religion, and didn’t give in to conspiracy.

Now those same parents who I still live with as an unemployed and mentally ill adult, have decided that they need to flee the city because Biden becoming president is signally the end of the world. So if/whenever that idea actually happens I will be jobless and homeless. This is what is causing me the most stress this year. Having to deal with the fact that people in my own family, as well as so many of the lovely and kind hearted people I grew up with in my church, are exposing themselves as being the kinds of people who are falling into the trap of Facebook conspiracies and the Trump cult.

You think your politics don’t infect the rest of the world? They do. I’m literally across the globe from the USA and my family, my whole social circle from my childhood are all falling for this crap and I’ve lost faith in almost every person I’ve ever met. The only people keeping me afloat are the WOMEN who are my age, or my sister’s age who have all grown away from our boomer/gen x parents and their conservative views, and are actually trying to do the right thing for our fellow humans. Young women are the only thing keeping me afloat right now. But honestly the gymnastics my emotions are going through lately is giving me constant anxiety attacks that leave me on edge for days, if not weeks at a time. I’m not coping. I just need some good news for once.