Tumgik
#as always much thought going into it now because i'd like it to be a simple system to do future assets
ohtobeleah · 3 days
Text
If Logan is one thing, it's protective. and not in a "You're mine and can't do anything for yourself" Toxic way. He's protective in an "I'll literally do anything and everything for you, come hell or high water, I'd throw my over-extended life on the line to keep you safe."
I could see the two of you getting in some sort of car accident. He was the one driving. Something he always insists on doing. You don't often fight him on matters like who does what and when. You enjoy the journey just as much as getting to the destination with Logan in all aspects of life. Just being in each other's presence is enough for you most of the time.
"Y/n?" Logan growls as he comes to. Hell if the impact was enough to rattle him, it had to be enough to be a cause for concern for you. "Honey?" He looks over to where you're slumped in the passenger seat. Not only had you been wearing your seatbelt, but with an instinct to keep you safe, keep you protected from harm's way, Logan had flung his arm across your chest to keep you back against the seat.
"Fuck, Honey, hey--?" Logans reaches over, groaning as he moves. there's shattered glass fragments and twisted aluminium all around you. "I've got you," He taps your cheek softly, trying his best to coax you out of your unconscious state. "I'm here, wake up for me?" Logan seems to be asking questions when in reality it's more of a statement. he needs you to wake up, he needs you to be alright. without you? Logan isn't sure if he could keep living.
"Don't do this to me, please?" He nearly cries as your head lulls to the side, blood dripping from your nose, and your mouth. "I love you," He admits softly while trying to assess the damage done from the impact. You're his girl, why would someone try and take you away from him like this? Had he not been through enough loss? enough hurt?
"Did you just say you love me, Lo?" You mumble as your eyelids flicker. Logan lets out a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding in. "That's kinda sweet, I'm telling your boyfriend." Logan knew you were referring to Wade, but he didn't care. All he cared about was that you were still here with him.
"You're hearing things," Logan replied as a smile crept across his aging face. The salt and pepper beard prevalent on his cheeks is speckled blood. "Don't scare me like that ever again, you hear me?"
"You're the one who's driving," You look across to where Logan is sitting, the pair of you still trapped in a twisted mess. "And I think it's time for you to wake up now." You stare at him a little more seriously than what you'd just been. Logan feels himself slipping back to reality...only to wake up on your lounge, alone.
"Ahhh!" Logan wakes with an audible gasp as his claws eject from between his knuckles. It's something he's become accustomed to. Waking in the middle of the night from nightmares that haunt him from his past. But these ones were new to him. The fear of losing you had begun to creep into his subconscious.
He's sweating, shaking from a heightened level of adrenaline and fear. But your voice cuts through it all.
"You were dreaming again," You speak up from where you're perched on the kitchen bench. Just sitting, drinking a cup of tea. Watching the man who'd stayed the night sleep on your couch because he refused to stay in your bed. "Kept calling my name out, I saw your uh--claws and thought perhaps keeping a safe distance would be practical."
"Come here," Logan sighs in frustration on two fronts. One, from his utterly confronting nightmare. Two, you somehow manage to sneak up on him like no one else can. "Please?" So that's what you do. You pad over in your underwear and perch yourself on Logan's lap. "What happened Lo?" You coo as your fingers card through his locks.
"I don't know what I'd ever do if I lost you, Honey." He replies sincerely, softly. It's a nice juxtaposition to his normal brooding self.
"Good thing I don't have any plans on going anywhere anytime soon, huh?" You whisper through a smile as you gently press your lips against Logans. He accepts the gesture and goes with the flow. Leaning back against the couch as you deepen the kiss. "Come to bed with me?"
"You know I can't--" Logan whispers into your mouth. "But can you stay here for a few minutes?" He counters your offer with his own. "Please?"
"I'm not going anywhere, Lo." You remind him, kissing him gently and ever so slow as Logan melts against you. And for as protective as Logan is, for the first time, someone was just as willing to be his safeguard in return. "You're safe with me."
You keep him safe from himself.
Ilya
512 notes · View notes
bigification · 13 hours
Text
Handlebars
Day 1:
My first day of college was a lot more stressful than I thought it would be. I finally made it to residence last night, which only gave me one night to get settled before classes started. I was nervous to meet my roommate because of all of the horror stories I had heard about them in the past, but it ended up being so much worse than I expected. In my mind, the worst outcome was some lazy douche who never cleaned up after himself. So you can imagine my shock when I knock on the door and a full grown 30 something year old man answers the door.
"Hey, buddy. The names Mike, come on in."
He looked and sounded like a jock in a college movie, but when the actor is actually 30. His voice was deep and buttery, it almost gave me butterflies. I just smiled awkwardly and walked past him through the door.
"I'm Oscar by the way." I introduced myself.
"Cool, I'll just call you Handlebars." He said, without a care in the world.
He sat down on his bed, and that was the extent of our interactions for the day.
Day 7:
It's been a week and all my other worries about roommates came true. Not only is he 15 years older than me, he's a slob. He gets home from the gym drenched in sweat and throws his gym clothes wherever without cleaning them. He doesn't do his dishes, or any chore for that matter. In fact it seems like he intentionally keeps the place dirty after I try to clean it. And whatever musky cologne he wears attacks my nose every time I open the door, it feels like the smell seeps into everything, including my clothes.
The few times that he actually wants a chore to be done, he just asks me to do it, or rather he just tells me to do it. Normally I would be happy to tell him to go fuck himself, but I always find myself doing whatever he asks. I hate it.
"Yo Handlebars, be a doll and clean the dishes for me."
"Yo Handlebars, I ran out of clean gym clothes, mind running em down to the laundry for me."
It's like he's casting a spell whenever he talks.
Day 15:
I've started to settle into routine. The things that used to bother me about Mike seem a bit more trivial now. We've even started to become pretty close. I get enthralled by his conversations about business. He goes on and on about his father's enterprises, and how they'll be his soon.
I even started going to the gym with him lately. He lent me some of his gym clothes, even if they're way too big. It just made me appreciate him more. I never really clocked how jacked he was, sometimes he goes to the gym shirtless and it shows off his massive pecs and thick biceps.
Since joining him, I've noticed my body has improved quite significantly. I used to be skinny and lanky, but there is definition starting to show throughout my body.
Day 30:
Just a month into school and I was already on my way to failing out. I just don't care about it anymore, but Mike gave me a solution. He said I could just switch programs and do business with him, and his dad would even pay for it. How could I pass that up.
Now that I've switched, it's like all stress in my life has disappeared. Business is so easy, and now I have more time with Mike. We usually have a routine of going to the gym after our last class of the day.
"Yo Handlebars, you're lookin strong man. I'd kill to grow as fast as you."
He shouted at me from across the gym, when he caught me staring at myself in the mirror. Butterflies flew through my stomach when he said that. And he wasn't wrong, I've been noticing a lot of changes in my body. My face has matured, my eyebrows are thicker, my nose is bigger, and my jawline is more square. I even have to shave now, when I never had to before college. A five o'clock shadow engulfs my face by the end of the day, especially above my lip. The rest of my body has gotten hairier too, especially around my pecs, arms, and legs. And that's not even mentioning my progress at the gym. I actually look like I belong there, my biceps have a nice roundness to them and my chest actually sticks out from my body. Those gym clothes that Mike gave me look smaller and smaller every day.
Life in the dorms has also been a dream. I've been wearing that cologne that Mike loves, and it's like I unlocked a whole new level of confidence. People seem to love listening to me talk, and people seem to respect me more.
Day 60:
This past month has been the best month of my life. Now that I'm in my mid twenties, I can drink whenever I want. Mike and I go out raves and frat parties basically every night, my body is basically used to every drug at this point. And with Mike's dad paying for college, I literally don't need to show up to lectures and I get straight A's.
"Fuck, bro. I think you're bigger than me Handlebars."
Mike said with a shocked face when we were snapping pics at the gym. We flexed beside each other, and it was obvious. My biceps dwarfed his, and his gym clothes had become really tight on me lately. The shirt was skin tight against my upper body, showing off my juicy pecs and my growing six pack. And the shorts looked like they were about to burst under the pressure of my ass cheeks and thighs, to the point that the outline of my dick was constantly visible.
"Here bro, take this."
Mike handed me a package. It was filled with gym clothes and jocks.
"Just for you Handlebars."
I yanked him in for a bro hug, I could feel myself blushing.
"You got this all for me bro?"
"Fuck yeah, man. You've been grinding it out in the gym, don't think I haven't noticed my clothes straining against those muscles. And you need something to contain that snake in your pants before we get campus security called on us."
Mike chuckled, his laugh was infectious.
Day 100:
I started in the mirror. Sometimes I barely recognize myself. The confident and cocky mask goes away when I'm alone, just leaving the caring gym bro that's on the true inside.
Damn, I think to myself, Mike is making me too sappy. I give myself a cocky smile after shaving my face, leaving me with a thick moustache. I flex, admiring my guns and bouncing my pecs. Man I look good for a man pushing his thirties.
"Fuck, handlebars. Since when were you so hairy?" Mike asked me when I left the bathroom.
"What? Are you jealous I'm manlier than you bro?" I taunted him by opening my button up wider, revealing the thick pelt of hair that covered my body.
"Nah, it's got me feelin something tho." He smirked at me.
"Hah, I fuckin knew it. You want a piece of this." I bounced my pecs.
"Don't make it gay bro, it's not like that. Just a dude admiring another dude." He blushed.
The tension between us had been building for weeks. He would stand too close when spotting me at the gym, and I'd catch him staring at me in the mirror. Not like I haven't been doin it too. We also wear less clothes around the dorm. I still got that jock strap Mike gave me a while back, I'd be lying to myself if I said it fit but I don't care, and it seems like Mike doesn't mind either. And sometimes I wear an open button up just cuz it makes my pecs pop.
Day 120:
"You have no idea how long I've waited for this." Mike whispered in my ear. His breath was heavy as he threw me against the wall. His dick was bouncing with excitement against my ass.
For context, a few hours ago we were at the gym like normal. At this point, we didn't even go to class, it was just gym and parties now. The tension had been growing at the gym forever, sometimes we'd release by foolin around in the showers, but it never went further a quick handjob when no one was lookin. It was different this time, he couldn't keep his hands off me. Broad daylight in a busy gym, his hands would be far down my shorts, teasing.
At first I was dismissive. We already got caught multiple times by campus security, so close to getting kicked out of school. If it wasn't for Mike's dad being a rich alumni, I think both of us would be long gone by now. But he knew how to push my buttons, he always has. I gave in, but had the decency to drag him by the collar to the showers. At least there we could be naked.
Ok, back to the point. I grunted as his thick arms held me in place. Mike had been working extra hard to catch up to me, and it was showin. It turned me on, feelin his muscled forearms against my shoulders. But I wasn't gonna let him win that easily. What Mike seemed to forget was the near decade I spent in the Navy before comin to college.
I whipped around, using the hot water against our skin to slip out from his pin. I pushed his shoulder, sending him tripping over my foot, which I had conveniently placed behind his. I caught him like a damsel in distress, so there was no doubt in his mind who was on top.
Within seconds, it's like my training kicked in and I had him pinned down on his stomach. The bristles of my thick mustache rubbed against the back of his ear as I whispered, "You really thought you could top me?" I asked with a chuckle.
He moaned like a twink when I stuck my cock up his ass. It took a moment for his ass to adjust to takin a beatin rather than dishin one out, but he'll get used to it. The wet fur on my forearm slid across his back as I rode him like a bull. I could almost feel his organs rearrangin to fit my 10 inch rod.
I groaned as I felt months of sexual tension release in seconds, shooting my seed all through Mike's body. He was mine. And by the looks of it, he enjoyed the ride too. A trail of his cum ran from under his pinned body, to the drain in the middle of the showers.
"You're mine."
I whispered in his ear with a shit eatin grin.
"Now clean this mess up before you dare come back to my dorm."
I pushed off his back to get to my feet. I continued rubbing my cock as I walked away, making ropes of cum cover the showers. I walked right out of the showers and into the locker room, making sure to wink at campus security on the way out. Someone always calls them, and we always get away with it Scott free, so I think they gave up. It just feels good to make people know they're beneath you, and to do it while rubbin one out.
I cleaned up and walked alone to my dorm, sat on my couch, and waited for Mike to come back. After a few minutes, he walked in without a word. He walked over to me and laid in my lap as I turned on football. I smelled his hair, making sure he actually cleaned up like I ordered.
"Good boy." I reassured him while massaging his pecs.
Day 150:
I finally moved our stuff out of my shitty dorm. Mikey's father just decided to pay for our diplomas outright, instead of trying to turn all of our F's into A's.
We moved to L.A. and I fuckin love it here. I just walk around in nothin but a jock, and people love me for it. And there are so many entrepreneurs like me, so much money to be made.
Everyone just calls me handlebars, I can't remember the last time anyone called me my name. Now that I think about it, I don't even remember what it was, but who the fuck cares. I'm handlebars, the life of the party and the best fuck in this city.
Tumblr media
92 notes · View notes
balkanradfem · 3 days
Text
I have an update, for people invested in the story of me vs the attractive woman who moved into the building, who I cannot figure out. I still don't know if she's interested in women, if she likes me at all. She has short hair and is 9 years older than me which makes her irresistible.
So my main point of confusion was that she always reacted extremely friendly to me, even as far as yelling my name excitedly and waving when she sees me, but then when we talk she talks to me as if I'm a small child maybe, using words you'd use with children. So I've been on the fence on whether she just sees me as a small lost child who needs attention, or if I could potentially ask her out. I've met her a few times more, only briefly, but one of those times she called my name in an iteration that means small, she added a suffix that you would add to a child's name. (She added '-ica' to my name, for croatian speakers).
And this was too much for me, I had to draw a line at the small iteration of my name, I do not enjoy being viewed as a child, and will not have a crush on someone who makes me feel like I'm not a grownup >: (. So I decided, this is a lost cause romantically, I'm no longer into her, she obviously sees me as a child. It's fair, I also see anyone 9 years younger than me as a tiny baby who I can only be friends with, but I do think that's very cool of lesbians, that we're the exact opposite of pedophiles.
So I calmed down about her, but then I thought, okay, now that I'm not having my brain scrambled by the yearning, I could actually try to ask her to come over so I can meet her and see if we could be friends. She still acted very sweet towards me, one day I opened the door of the building, she was standing right outside, and jumped when I said 'Hi!' loudly. I apologized for scaring her, and she said 'It's okay, I just wasn't even hoping for you.'
How am I supposed to deal with that. That is adorable. I had to go immediately that day, but I decided to calm down, and wait for an opportunity to see if I can get to know her better.
The opportunity came today! I stumbled on her while biking outside, got her attention, and then told her 'Hey, you seem like an interesting person, and I'd love to sit down and talk to you sometimes, I want to know more about you. Could I invite you over for tea?'. And she said, 'Okay, give me your number!', and then she realized, she didn't take her phone with, because it was raining. I grabbed my phone to take her number, but my battery was 1% and the screen was too dark to see. We were both standing there without functional phones, laughing at ourselves. Then she grabbed a pen from her bag, asked me to give her my hand, and wrote her number on it. I've never had a woman write down her number on my hand! It was a great experience. She stopped to ask if it was hurting me, and I was smiling and giggling because I was thrilled, and told her to keep writing. Her handwriting is very neat! I promised to quick-call her as soon as I got home, so her phone will have my number as well.
So now I have her number on my hand, and I did give her a very short ring, so she has my number too. Now I'm nervous! I cleaned up the place because I don't know when she's going to come over, and I'm plagued by the anxiety that I won't be able to offer her a sweet treat because I never make any. I gave her an open invitation so she can just randomly decide to come and I will seem like a person with no food in my kitchen because I only make food when I'm hungry and then eat it immediately. Do you think pan-fried apples is an acceptable treat for a guest? I'm being so normal about this.
67 notes · View notes
loustat-roleplay · 19 hours
Text
So, I've been putting a lot of thought into the types of storylines that I have in mind for these two. Currently, the one I'd really like to explore more is... what exactly happens after the reunion in NOLA?
Does Lestat go with Louis to the hotel? Does Louis brave the hurricane with Lestat in his shack/home? How long is it before Louis goes to Dubai? Is Lestat there? Just out of view?
There's so much to unpack.
Tumblr media
Lestat is broken. Fragile. Weak. Louis is and will always be his strength.
There's an example of a starter I created as Lestat after this scene below. If you're interested in exploring this dynamic with me, my inbox is open.
Lestat swallowed hard as he kept his grip tight on Louis, part of him still afraid that this was all a dream – that the other would disappear and he’d awaken alone in his coffin as he did every night. He shifted his body as he heard the window breaking, shielding Louis with his back as glass flew at them. Not that it mattered. They were vampires, the cuts would heal quickly. However, something inside of him went into protective mode. He had always wanted to protect the man in his arms at all costs. “Louis,” he whispered, eyes closing as his grip tightened even more. Just the sound of his ex-companion’s name on his lips brought him some amount of comfort, a comfort that he hadn’t felt in years. He could hear the wind much louder now, the walls of his home starting to sway. It would hold, this wasn’t the first storm his home had seen. Sure, there would be damage to clean up afterward, but there was always damage. Lestat had endured, no, lived in that home for years. He wasn’t accustomed to modern life; it was a luxury that he had cut himself off from. It was a luxury that he didn’t deserve. Claudia was dead because of him, and she haunted him every day. How could he go on like it had never happened? How could he allow himself to eat, to experience pleasure, to live? His house was small, but it was all he needed, it was all he deserved. When the house started to shake, he forced himself to pull back, tears still streaming down his face as his eyes found Louis’s again. “It’s not safe for you here,” he told the other, shaking his head vehemently. “You should go before it gets worse. I – do you have shelter somewhere? Will you be safe?” He wrapped his arms around himself, unsure what to do with his hands now that they were no longer embracing. “You need to be safe.” Louis deserved to be safe. He needed Louis to be safe.
29 notes · View notes
stgosupremacy · 2 days
Text
Hi so this is me ranting about Ash being Goh's n01 supporter in project mew 😍 (as he always is ofc)
Tumblr media
"I wanna join. Project Mew! For sure!"
Tumblr media
love that cute sneaky side view
Tumblr media
"You know what? I'm gonna cheer you on with all my might!"
the way he said you sounded a bit like it was a thank you for goh always cheering on ash during his battles 🥺 (it also sounds like I'm analysing too much again looooooooollllllllllll)
I always thought this was Ash just being dead supportive to Goh like he always is but he meant this so much 😭😭😭💗
Tumblr media
"You're coming too, Ash?" (the hand on goh's shoulder omg and ash looks so cute idfjkmf)
Tumblr media
"I promised I'd always cheer you on, didnt I?"
everyone smiling around them lol (they so know whats going on)
Tumblr media
"I'll clear the mission for sure!"
"That's the spirit, Goh!" (always so supportive 🥺💖)
Tumblr media
STOP HE'S SO HAPPY TO BE ALLOWED TO GO WITH GOHH AW 🥺
Tumblr media
"You failed. You'd be toast if I hadn't saved you."
Tumblr media
"Wait just a second, what are you talking about failed!?"
i love how as soon as ash sees goh's sad face he gets his protective boyfriend mode activated 🥰🥰🥺
Tumblr media
"Good for you, Goh! I'm fired up about this too!"
i am so tempted to make a post on how touchy these guys are bc oh my god they are so touchy 💀💀 and hellllllll ash was not lying at all about being fired up about project mew, the entire trial period it was almost like ash was taking the missions, bless him 💖😂
Tumblr media
"I'll help any way I can!"
it's so sweet to me ash constantly reminds gohof this fact <3
look at danika leaning in the back guys she knows
Tumblr media
god ive talked ab this episode far too recently to rant about it here but 🥺😂
Tumblr media
"You can count on us! Dont let it win!"
🥰the way ash looks at him
Tumblr media
"Plus, I'll be there, you'll be fine!"
no words from me just pure SUPPPPPPPPPPPORTTTTTTTTTT is radiating here (and also goh looking like he's crushing bad)
Tumblr media
"Only the challenger is allowed in this mission."
"You've gotta be kidding!"
bless the way he seems so fed up when danika says he cant come- LIKE CMON CAN THEY GET ANY CUTER??? 😭
Tumblr media
but as soon as goh says this.....
"No worries Ash, I'm sure i'll be succesful!" (his smile is so sweet)
"You're right Goh, just make sure to pass that mission!"
...Then ash is totally supportive of it if Goh's fine with it too 💗
Tumblr media
"Right?" 🥰
Tumblr media
"Right!"
yeah....sorry i had to include that it was so cute
Tumblr media
"Goh!"
Tumblr media
"Dankia, did you do this on purpose!?" the way ash is so stressed for goh for literally no reason but his safety, enter: PROTECTIVE BOYFRIEND MODE ACTIVATED AGAIN WOOOOOOO
Tumblr media Tumblr media
HE LOOKS SO SAD WHEN GOH DOESNT GET ANY TOKENS STOPPP 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Tumblr media
the way ash is looking at him so intently...i cannot 💀💀💀💀💀
Tumblr media
"This time I'm going by myself."
"WHAT? HOW COME?" 😨😨 (that literally deserves to be in caps because he indeed shouted it lol ) he sounds so in disbelief, it's so sweet he just sees going along with Goh everywhere now his second nature 😭💙💙💙
Tumblr media
but after goh explaining why, then ash just smiles and wishes goh the best of luck (as he always does bc he's just happy goh is happy)
like
why is this boy so precious
Tumblr media
"I made it through!" I SEE THAT BLUSH HEAJDKAJ (it was obviously from excitement but blushing goh is quite rare in ultimate jrnys and he looks too cute when he does it) 😂
Tumblr media
"No joke?! Congratulations Goh!"
YAYYYY HES SO HAPPY 4 HIM 🤗🤗
"Thanks to you, Ash!" 🥰🥺💖
"Thanks to all of your hard work!" STOPP LIKE the way how he tries to deflect the praise back onto goh makes me smile every time but yk so does this entire scene at this point
Tumblr media Tumblr media
right the way goh ends the call and breathes out as soon as he does is definetelyy not gay at all 🤨🤨🤨 (fr tho they make each other so happy and i'm always living for it....if you havent noticed)
Tumblr media
...right i should stop thats enough for today
21 notes · View notes
soshadysoquiet · 3 days
Text
The Subway book, The Hug, and what I thought would happen as I watched S4
I wanted to know the story of the subway cipher-book, one of the bits I'd have loved to see in S4 was them solving or working to solve the subway.
I thought when they found the cipher / Five brought it to Strawberry Land that it would play an even bigger part than just a deus ex machina
Here's a few different things I thought was going to happen once E5/E6 hit us:
*Going to insert my unpopular opinion here that I don't feel it was majorly off-brand for Five to have left when he did at Diego & Lila's house or all the other Five's to be in the diner:
He's resorted to escaping awkward and emotional situations in the past at the drop of a hat because he thinks he can solve the situation / just doesn't want to be there anymore. (he implies in S1 that he was going to use a briefcase to 'start over' ergo abandoning 'these' siblings potentially for a different set?)
He's always looking for ways to buy himself time, in the subway he theoretically has endless time to sort shit out. (He's typically made bad, seat-of-the-pants decisions about this too when backed into a corner - The Handler, typically)
*Granted, I only watched S4 the once and can't remember if there's more to it. Happy to be disagreed with if I've forgotten something!
*Second unpopular opinion is that I don't really care about the cheating after the length of time it had been as much as how it didn't feel like that length of time / build up of the relationship looked Very much like they were both into 'not-sane-consent' ish territory / the relationship being in-character itself wasn't conveyed well enough personally.
**Edit - as I'm having another resurgence of rage over S4 atm I was watching a review vid on it and had completely forgotten that Five blipped out on his whole fam in the middle of the life and death Ben Blob match. I rescind my above opinion on how this is in character.
So, without more rambling:
First Thought:
Five x Lila happens as it did but when they get back and Five sees Lila with Diego and her family he realises that what they had was a distraction / a crutch etc and he leaves. He goes to the subway (Lila has the cipher). He realises that in order for them to ever get back home, which he ultimately wants because he cares for his family and what he had with Lila, that someone needs to make the cipher. So he stays and makes it. He stays in Strawberry Land for the rest of his life and dies there alone, creating the way that his family can be safe.
Lila realises he's missing and before the whole thing comes out to Diego (or after, whichever you prefer) she goes to find him in the subway, she sees he's gone, looks in the cipher for an answer as to where he could be / to go find him (she might be choosing to stay with her family and Diego over him, but they shared precious trauma time in the trenches down there) In the back of the book there's a note, for her, that she would only understand now (something like 'family has always been our start and end point dear one, don't lose yours now that you've found what I once took away from you' - or something sappy / romantic and eloquent, let's not kid ourselves that Five would be an absolute sap about it)
Lila breaks down crying. At which point because the Timeline is so very fucked right now Five from a few days ago (for him) years ago (for her) appears on one of his first forays into the subway when his powers first start to fuck up. He sees her crying like the world is ending and comforts her (like we see him do with the hug).
Five, for his part, just accepts and believes her that she's been time travelling and has solved things because they have an intellectual respect for each other, and maybe she realises that she still has that?
Either way they go back and the ending could be whatever you prefer at that point, Diego and her making up, not, him finding out, not, them all dying together, not.
Now, the idea of this being how OG Five's life ended (alone, again, at the end of the world, but with having dedicated himself to his family, after losing everything) is completely tragic, it's an awful ending, I'd have been sick with grief. But I'd have felt a hell of a lot more about it than I did the ending, by which point I just wanted the show to end so I could stop watching it.
Second Thought:
The Diner Five's worked together to come up with the solution to save the world / that it can't be saved (enter preference of choice I'm ambivalent) but with more meaning than just 'you turned up and we told you'. I want Five to rail at the news, I want him to break down, I want there to be one last fight before the acceptance if the end is what is coming.
Third Thought:
Diner Fives direct Five to Off The Rails Oldest Man Five who wrote the cipher, and they have the same sort of thing as the above with the saving / not saving of the world.
Later Fourth Thought:
Very similar to 1, except that Lila on looking at the cipher realises it changes handwriting half way through to hers. The sappy message is from Old Five that he tried to finish it so that she could save their family, it was both of their goals after all, but he was so sorry that he couldn't, and has to put it on her. She breaks down, realises what she has to do, she stays in the subway and finishes the work, sacrificing herself to her family's survival as he did, but she leaves a big note in the front to the Five that's going to find this (some Lila-esque insult that the pair of them need to use this cipher to get home now don't stop don't pass go etc, and she leaves it where she knows they'll find it the first time when they go to the cottage, maybe leaves their younger selves some advice). Then it's a bit like 'The day that wasn't' in that we see younger Five and Lila retrieve This book, maybe wonder at the odd messages in it that are in turns insulting and heartfelt, and they make it home after long years but back to their family. They could either hug because of the relief that they have a way home, or because both Old Five and Old Lila realised and wrote that the world can't be saved, or because Lila sees that she left / cheated on her family and realises what she had to lose and Five realises what he nearly let himself lose too / how he's been pushing his family away and insulting them and that was never what he spent his life searching for.
Not saying any of these would have been better, but I kind of like them as options :)
20 notes · View notes
Text
on my quest to find more books to read this year, there's been something kind of heartwarming to see that of the books on hold at my local library, or on the weekly bestseller's list at my local bookstores, there's always at least one book up there that's about Palestine. It's at least nice to see that some people in my area want to learn about the historical context of what's happening now, and learn far more than what a few posts on their feed can tell them. It makes me hope that public perception will continue to change for the better - and that the kind of support I've seen in my area won't die down immediately after a ceasefire is called
17 notes · View notes
piplupod · 3 months
Text
feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
7 notes · View notes
hersweetrevenge · 7 months
Note
Hi there! <3 I re-watched Halloween Ends yesterday because I was upset and I needed Corey to save me, lmfao, and I wanted to ask you something that I've been wondering about. So, I have no way of getting the novelisation of the movie anytime soon, and you're kinda my only frame of reference for it; so I hope you don't mind me asking you this. When Corey is on his revenge killing spree, he kills those bullies at the mechanic shop. And Ronald is there. And then Ronald comes out to help the kids because of Terry. And only because of that. So, that makes me wonder... Did Corey plan on killing Ronald after he was done with the kids? Is that something that was elaborated on in the novel? Because I keep wondering about that, since Corey pretty much killed everyone that ever wronged him during that night, and Ronald was right there; but Corey didn't kill him (or didn't get the chance to, at least). Terry shot him by accident. But Corey killed his mom, of course. So, it'd make sense if he had at least planned on going after Ronald as well; even though he never actively wronged Corey (only passively, if we look at the way he just sat and watched while Joan abused Corey right in front of him, for example). But more so for completion's sake, y'know? They were on generally good terms, after all. I mean, in your latest post about the novel, you quoted that Ronald is "the loveliest thing" in Corey's life, according to Rohan. So, that makes me wonder all the more. OH, and... I fought with myself to include this point, but anyway- Corey takes the mask off when Ronald comes to help the kids, so that Ronald can see his face and know it's him. And it clearly disarms Ronald immediately and is the reason why Terry accidentally shot him instead of Corey, because he shielded him instinctively. Thus, I keep wondering if Corey meant for that to happen or if he took the mask off in order to assure Ronald that he wasn't actually in danger... It's such a seemingly insignificant thing that I'm thinking about far too much, but it's been bothering me that I don't know, and I was curious if the novel said anything about that at all, or if they just brushed over it there, as well. If they did, I'll just make up my own mind, of course, hdsfdjkfsk Anyway, I'm very sorry for rambling on about this, gosh! I love your blog(s) and everything you have to say about Corey and Rohan, you're awesome!!! Thank you for your detailed posts all the time, they keep me going! Take care! <3
ahhh hi !! thank you so much for sending this ask !! i love talking about this sort of thing more than anything lol and i’m sorry this took a little longer than i expected to reply, i was double checking like every ronald scene in the novel and cross-referencing that with behind-the-scenes details from making of, and re-watching the movie (i didn’t have to do that last one but like you, i needed emotional support from corey too 💗)
WARNING for discussions about (canon-typical) violence, murder, child abuse, abusive households, mentions of suicide and self-harm, and spoilers for the novelisation.
TL;DR – the novelisation does not elaborate on corey's intentions in any huge amount of detail, but it does provide some insight into a few different possibilities for ronald and corey’s relationship and what that would mean for corey's intentions.
general relationship
the novelisation actually gives some really specific details about the cunningham-prevo backstory, but also leaves a lot of aspects vague too.
joan married ronald when corey was 15, and she made it clear to ronald that he would "remain firmly on the sidelines when it came to corey's upbringing" which ronald "gladly" agreed to. so from the very beginning, ronald accepts he isn't going to be an active parent to corey, which maybe means he didn't believe he would do a good job anyway, or maybe he agreed it wasn't his place to parent corey in the same way joan does.
also, corey was already a teenager, he didn't need parenting in the same way a younger child would, which is partly why i think joan waited until corey was older to get remarried, because although being a single parent is difficult, she wouldn't want someone else in the picture as a father-figure for corey.
i don't personally see corey and ronald having a super close relationship, but there are multiple instances that show they are at least comfortable and familiar with each other (in line with what rohan said).
corey had a job before working for ronald, so we know ronald didn't have to give him a job. i hc that corey really wanted to do something stimulating instead of call centre work, and ronald agreed despite joan's grievances over it.
ronald doesn't seem too angry at him for being late, even though it is a regular occurrence (third time in a month).would he be so lenient on anyone who wasn't his stepson?
the gifting of the motorbike is a huge moment of course. that's a big gesture which, in the novelisation, also comes with some stilted bonding when ronald reminiscences that he used to "get laid [...], if you can believe it".
they have their united front moment over dinner when joan is trying to work a reaction out of them and neither gives her what she wants.
a smaller but still significant gesture is that corey uses dumbbells and a pull-up bar in his room to workout, which ronald bought him for christmas. very much feels like an attempt to help corey rebuild his self-confidence.
honestly though, rohan's comment about ronald being the "loveliest" thing in corey's life is probably right, especially as corey's life has been incredibly insular. as the town pariah with an abusive mom, his stepdad being cool about him being late for work is probably one of the best parts of his day.
but then on the other hand, there are moments which do not characterise their relationship very well, including multiple instances of ronald "ignoring" joan's abusive behaviour and not intervening.
to reiterate a previous point: ronald very willingly obliges joan's wishes of not "interfering" with corey's upbringing. her unfounded criticism and distrust of doctors, the school system and anyone other than her taking care of corey should have been a huge red flag (if, of course, any of that behaviour could have been inferred prior to their marriage).
ronald's passivity at being side-lined by his wife, allowing her to continue an unhealthy and unbounded relationship with corey.
when joan is berating corey for "sneaking around" and seeing allyson (the slap/kiss scene), she questions ronald as to whether he knew about the motorcycle, to which ronald stays completely out of it and doesn't answer her, despite her being furious with corey.
however it is a really difficult family dynamic to navigate, with so much nuance. i'm reluctant to say if ronald is a "good" or "bad" stepdad, or whether their father-son relationship is "good" or "bad", simply because their circumstances are so trying and complex. yes, joan has abused corey for a long time, but that abuse also extends to ronald in many ways too, resulting in him allowing (or enabling) joan's abusive behaviour in a flawed attempt to maintain the (toxic) status quo of the household.
did corey intend to kill ronald?
like i mentioned, there isn't any elaboration about corey's intentions in the novel, either through narration or extra dialogue. the scene happens almost exactly as it does in the film, with a few alterations and added background details. it's the surrounding details and plot differences that change my opinion.
i think movie!corey would have killed ronald if he had to. he knew ronald would be at home or at the yard, both of which were places he intended to go (to kill momma and the bullies). i'm not sure he had the same desire to kill ronald as he does the others, especially if he sees ronald in a good light, but to tie up loose ends he might do what is "necessary". i do find it very interesting that he lets ronald see his face though, and i can't decide if that is as a reassurance (he wouldn't kill ronald and ronald should know that) or because it just didn't matter (he's going to kill ronald so even if he sees corey's face, he won't be a liability to worry about).
however, i don't think novel!corey intended to kill ronald. in the novel, despite all of the extensive set-up of joan being abusive and corey's repressed desires to hurt her (and arguably ronald), there's no suggestion that corey planned to go back home as part of his spree and kill joan. if he wasn't going to kill joan after everything she did, i really don't think he'd have plans to kill ronald.
that's not to say there aren't implication in the novel that corey would hurt ronald too. there's a scene after the slap/kiss where corey can hear joan and ronald arguing about him, and once they've gone to bed corey gets a knife and stands outside their room, but ultimately doesn't go in. it isn't specified whether he wants to hurts just joan, or ronald as well.
michael's mask
ahh so when i was re-reading the scrapyard massacre in the novel to try and answer whether corey letting ronald see that it is him was a way of corey saying "you don't have to be scared of me" or even "you should be scared of me", i've come to a different conclusion about the mask.
“Who did this to you?” [Ronald] asked. “Him,” Margo said, pointing across the street. Ronald turned to find Corey twenty feet away on the other side of the fence, pulling Michael’s mask over his head. "Corey?" he muttered in disbelief.
the way the novel reads, i think that when corey puts the mask on in front of ronald, it's the first time he puts the mask on at all. if that is the case, it adds a whole other level to the transition between corey's kills as himself (or as the scarecrow) and his kills "as michael".
earlier, billy's sees "corey's shape wearing his prevo jumpsuit". it's fair enough that billy would assume it's corey without seeing his face, because they know that corey is there, but there's no mention of the mask either.
then, the way it describes ronald seeing corey put on the mask doesn't really indicate that corey was making sure ronald saw it was him. he's already "pulling on the mask" by the time ronald looks over at him; he wasn't waiting for ronald to look he was already doing it.
alternatively, the movie shows corey very deliberately stood there, waiting for ronald to see him and recognise him before he puts the mask on. i'm leaning towards it not being a gesture of reassurance but more of a last show of humanity to someone corey cares about -- "it's me, and i appreciate that you always treated me well, but this is the monster they've made me into".
in both versions, ronald jumps up to stop terry shooting corey. whether he was intending to shield corey or was just getting up to try and talk terry down, i think it says a lot about ronald as a character. he has been very passive this whole time, especially in scenes that take place at home, but in this moment he takes an authorative position to try and diffuse the situation. there's a scared kid with a gun, and his own stepson who he's starting to think might have done something awful, but this doesn't have to continue -- they can talk about it and calm down and whatever it is that has happened can be worked out.
15 notes · View notes
tapewormsoda · 3 months
Text
breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
5 notes · View notes
Text
yuffie has many interesting elements to her but people refuse to move past "i find energetic kids annoying" and it makes me sad
#first of all...... treat kids with the grace + patience you wish you had been given when you were one. just. in general#second.....#god forbid a 16 year old have flaws...! especially when part of the boisterous energy is because she is masking#she has a very strong love for her home to the point she's gone into unknown territory#entirely in over her head! but she refuses to give up#it's an interesting way to look at how patriotism can affect a person when you look at the differing views of protecting wutai that her and#godo have. i'm so interested to see how 'a miserable daughter's homecoming' is gonna go in remake pt 3#given that we know they want to expand on wutai more than they could in the OG#remake intermission as well has been rolling around in my head bc i think its interesting that sonon still wants godo to be respected but#yuffie very much is like. nah fuck that old drunkard idgaf. at least thats how it comes across#i've always felt like the kleptomania was allowed to bloom because she didn't receive enough care or support on top of the patriotism from#young age... so the intermission dialogue makes me wonder if we'll delve into that potentially being the truth in part 3#anyway... rebirth gave such good yuffie + party sibling moments im excited to get more in part 3#especially with vincent because they're one of the funniest not-quite uncle and niece combos#yuffie ringing vincent post-AC and then he goes to cloud like 'tell her that's illegal' instead of just replying to her normally 💀funny af#pettiness off the charts. i adore their 'i do care about you greatly but i'd also sell you to satan for one (1) corn chip' dynamic#ultimately you like and dislike whatever characters#but its always worth looking past the surface level. you may discover that the layers have a unique charm to them#and if the charms don't appeal after that? well at least you now have a better understanding of the character. win/win#god knows i've tried to like characters and came out of diving into their facets -still- not liking them. but more often than not it#gives me some new appreciation of the character. because the depth is there you just have to put the effort in to connect the dots#(this was spurred on by brainless takes i saw in general chat of a public discord. yes i know. my own fault for looking in a godless place)#these tags are 2 short to add proper nuance to my thoughts but you get the idea. this has been my once in a blue moon ramble post o7#might delete later i just wanted the thoughts expelled teehee <3
2 notes · View notes
dismalzelenka · 10 months
Text
.
#today i had a pianist during a rehearsal go “wow your voice you just have so much natural talent i mean some people really work for years—”#and i kinda snapped#and i was polite but also i unloaded the entire story of the last thirteen years in the cosmic joke that is my life#this lady got thirteen years of trauma in a twenty minute speed run#she Learned Things today about existential despair and the societal clusterfuck that is the Trans Experience#and how that intersects in the classical singing world in an incredibly challenging and fucked up way#and how i went from scooting under the door into a voice program with seven lessons under me#and then three years later proceeded to fling myself into a testosterone fueled vocal puberty in the midst of a professional singing degree#and lost the respect and support of most of the vocal and choir faculty because everyone thought i was committing professional suicide#if it werent for my own voice teacher (who at some point became the mother figure I'd never had) keeping me afloat i would not be here#i have c-ptsd from the shit i went through in the choir department#i had to drop out of school for a semester because my body just folded under the stress#i started getting migraines severe enough i was hospitalized twice with stroke-like symptoms#two weeks ago i had a former teacher from the early days deadname me in front of our colleagues#she tried to play it off as no big deal and it just reminded me no matter how successful i become in this field#no matter how much work i put in to overcome my past#its always going to come back and find me through people who refuse to learn respect#and somehow! im still here! im making a living in the field i trained for#how many people in my generation in the arts degree sector can say that?? by some metrics i am thriving but jesus goddamn#i clawed and fought and bit and dragged myself to where i am right now and had to find my voice TWICE and the worst part is#she meant well#the pianist i mean#and i was polite when i told my story but it was so important to me that she understood#no amount of talent would have gotten me here without sleepless nights and long hours and blood and sweat and tears and you know what#maybe i am a better person for it but dont compliment me by implying i have some inherent gift from a god i dont even believe in#dont tell me your god put me in this place to teach other people compassion#i didnt brush the door of death as many times as i did for the sake of someone else's enlightenment#its been a long 13 years. hell its been a long 2023. in the last eleven months ive had a fundamental upheaval#of everything i thought i knew and understood about myself#so yea im standing at the gate to hell looking the devil in the eye. try me bitch. ive endured worse.
7 notes · View notes
Text
Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
Tumblr media
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
5 notes · View notes
fingertipsmp3 · 3 months
Text
Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself
#nearly bought a digital typewriter today. actually i DID buy a digital typewriter today. officially yes i have bought a digital typewriter.#the money for the digital typewriter has left my account but i have emailed them to cancel the order because i can't in good faith buy#a digital typewriter when i don't fucking WRITE#i thought it might help me get back into it. distraction free and while allowing me to not judge my own writing#and be continuously editing while i write and going 'i'm crap i'm crap i'm crap no one will ever read this and if they do they will think#that i'm garbage and that i should feel bad etc etc etc'#but it's too expensive and i have the feeling i wouldn't even like or use the thing once i got it#because the IDEAS! the ideas aren't coming to me. or rather they are but none of them seem to stick#i feel underconfident in writing any of them#and then i have old projects that i've always wanted to get back to like the tennis romance thing but SO much has changed since i first#started drafting it. like i don't even know if i like the main couple anymore. i kind of want to put both of them with different OCs of min#but it'd switch up the WHOLE story if i had a different cast#in fact most of the problem lies in the fact that i have this long-running bedtime story i tell myself every night with lore#and a massive cast of characters that i switch out depending on who i'm most interested in right now and every so often i incorporate new#themes and ideas and motifs and plot points sometimes based on media i've been watching because it's MY bedtime story and it doesn't matter#if i plagiarise in my own brain. but then obviously i can't plagiarise in real life#and none of my bedtime stories are GOING anywhere. sometimes i only get through a scene or two before i fall asleep#all of which means my bedtime story is not so much a sweeping epic novel but a sitcom with way too many characters#most of which are werewolves to be honest and sometimes for my own wish fulfilment one of them will walk out of my head#and take care of my problems for me by lending me £1million or murdering my best friend's ex. in my mind obviously#so it's like. it's a case of getting in there and annexing off the stuff i think i can use#it's like yeah i've definitely written several romance novels in my head in the process of this but does it matter if they're IN my HEAD#to be honest i feel like my main strength is in creating characters. like i have this one family of werewolves i've been slowly but surely#adding members to since i was like 16. maybe younger? no yeah i think i made the first one when i was 12#they're compelling to ME anyway. i care about them. it's just PLOTS. i can't plot#if a book could just be a lot of dialogue and sex scenes and silly moments and character studies i'd be alright#i also can't describe settings. don't ask me to because i can't#and now i'm just annoyed with myself because i sat down at my laptop to try to write and instead i'm here complaining about how i don't wri#and if i had the digital typewriter... i mean i'd probably still be doing this i'd just no longer have £300#i don't have the £300 anyway. i hope to christ they refund my card i'm a fucking idiot
4 notes · View notes
Text
Impulsively completely rethought my entire future career
9 notes · View notes
turtlemagnum · 3 months
Text
one of my favorite parts of strategy games like chess and advance wars is that feeling when you haven't quite won yet but the enemy has no real options so it feels like you're just sloowly wrapping around them like a snake. when all your enemy has is their king and you've managed to turn 3 of your pawns into queens, and all you've gotta do is get in juust the right position, and in the meantime all they can do is squirm. god, that's such a wonderful feeling. nothing quite like it
#incidentally i don't like it when versions of chess insist on enforcing a stalemate rule#honestly to a certain extent i feel like if your enemy has nothing but a king and you've got more than one queen that should just be an#automatic win. like exodia except instead of the individual pieces being useless they're all the most powerful monster card in the game#i think the favorite card i had as a kid was my five headed dragon. thought that shit was so cool. 5000 in both attack and defense???#it seemed unbeatable to my little kid brain. also it was a dragon. of course i loved it#i never learned how to Actually play yugioh of course. just what rules my stupid kid reading comprehension could understand#im pretty sure a monster has to be in play for you to be able to sacrifice it. i didn't know that so i filled my deck with nothing but#really strong monsters and i'd just sacrifice some directly from my hand to summon what i wanted#i stole a lot of yugioh cards as a kid from target. i'm comfortable saying this online because the statute of limitations has absolutely ru#out by now. i looked it up.#i remember for the first time i stole a box set that had exodia. i remember on my way home so i could open it... i genuinely felt like ther#was something mystical in that box. something ancient. there was something really special about that to my kid brain#i'd later steal quite a few more because i got the bright idea to fill a deck with nothing but exodia cards. i figured i'd always have a#first draw win. took me until actually trying to play it that i realized i'd often just get 5 left arms which obviously wouldn't work#so i took that deck and added some actual monsters to “hold me off”. it was pretty much just a normal deck with too much space taken up by#essentially useless cards. i don't think i ever actually won by drawing exodia naturally. what a shame#side note but i still get a bit anxious every time i go to that target. i haven't in years and i can basically guarantee they wouldn't#recognize Grown Ass Adult me as “that kid who stole a lot of yugioh cards”. it's been almost a decade if memory serves#i've grown a lot since then. both physically and metaphorically#i digress
2 notes · View notes