#as always apologies for the novel-length answer

[thebendsbyradiohead]

For the ask thing, something(s) I've always wondered

which country is better for living in general that you've lived in

which country do you prefer to live in

das all i got for now

oh wow that's a great question!

short answer for both: netherlands

long answer: it's complicated and it's getting more so as time goes on and i am faced with more "adult" responsibilities. there are parts of all countries i've lived in that i liked and parts that i hated (except for the US, i genuinely hated that place it was hell on earth)

i think out of all of them (netherlands, macedonia and the US), i would say the netherlands is the best for living in general altho honestly, the quality of life is starting to waver with this inflation and cost of living crisis lol and there is pros and cons to everything. i like the fact that they offer social benefits like healthcare allowance if you don't earn enough to cover your monthly premium, but it pisses me off to no end that they have privatized healthcare & are hellbent on making it even worse. i love that it has gorgeous parks and infrastructure that allows you to get comfortably to places without a car but i hate the fact that i pay almost 40% income tax for that while giant corporations like booking and IKEA pay jack shit. i love that (rotterdam at least) is so international and diverse but i don't like the fact that most of the dutch usually keep to themselves and rarely extend the grace of a deeper relationship or community towards the immigrants. i love love love the attention to and investing in the culture like museums festivals etc but i hate the fact that it's almost nigh impossible to find a place to live or buy a house without paying off a loan for the rest of your life. i love the freedom and rights afforded to the lgbtq community and the progressive approach to drug criminalization, but i hate how for all their sticking to the rules and laws with bullshit bureaucracy they can just say "yeah, nothing we can do" when they find lead pipes in my house which are supposed to be illegal. there is a combination of stubborn rule obedience and extreme individual responsibility associated with their culture but also neoliberalism govt policies which is starting to really frustrate me because i guess i expected more (or idealized the west too much lmao).

that being said, you couldn't pay me to go back to macedonia. i spent a year there during the first covid lockdown and i for sure would not go back to live permanently there again. my bulgarian friend who also lived in the nl for a long while went back and i honestly can't imagine how lol. i like the sense of community but not at the expense of being stripped off any socially undesirable parts of you (or maybe i was just surrounded by shitty people who knows). i like the laissez-faire attitude in our culture but not in the governments. i love the food and the weather, but it's not worth the horrible unemployment & toxic air in winter. i hate the religiousness, the conservativism, the judgement, the resistance to any kind of progress, the in-group mentality, all of it. for all my struggles in the NL, i wouldn't trade them for a life in macedonia and i honestly think if i stayed i wouldn't be here typing this. not that i'm not depressed here and life is happy go lucky 100% but now that i've experienced better & know another side of life i can't go back to before but explaining this is difficult if you haven't been thru it bc people just assume you're an uppity diaspora person. i love my country i just wished it loved me back

i honestly can't think of a single positive thing about living in the US but that's also marred by the fact i was a broke exchange student in san francisco with 4 crazy roommates (well 5 but the fifth one was a scottish marxist exchange student who i loved so i don't count her) in a flea-infested hovel. i adored NYC but i was there for a week so i can't say i experienced living there.

notable mention: i loved staying in oxford when i was 16 because it was so walkable and public transport was so accessible i would literally just wander around on my own reading but it was a one month staying with a host family type of situation and also 10 years ago, before they started fully collapsing so that's probably just nostalgia speaking

[cellythefloshie]

;; Mama Bear Dedicated to myself. Because this has been my passion project.

Summary: With her son Parker set to skate in his first NHL game with the Boston Bruins, Katherine Stacy travels to Boston. When her plans are derailed by her ex-husband, Katherine is forced to spend a night on the town alone where she meets Jeremy who is more than willing to show her a good time. Kinks & Tropes: Age Gap (22 v. 40). Divorcee. Alcohol Consumption. One Night Stand. Oral Sex - Fem Receiving. Mirror Reflection. Protected Sex. - If I missed something, yell at me. ABOUT THE OC’s: Katherine: AKA Katie. Face Claim: Bryce Dallas Howard. 40's. Mother of Parker Waylon-Stacy. Parker: Face Claim: N/A. Boston Bruin's Rookie. Dorthey: AKA Dottie. Face Claim: Kate Hudson. Best friend of Katherine. Word Count: 12k+

A/N: Would you believe me if I said that this fic was 4 months in the making? @hagelpoint-3821 and @hockeyboysimagines -- I do not know how you have put up with me teasing this fic for so long. This fic is one that ignited a fire of excitement in me, and to be able to share that excitement with the two of you is something I will always appreciate. You both know that this fic could have easily become a full length novel - and I did have to cut back on this things to assure I could get this out before the new year. I won't have to but you guys with persistent updates about the progress anymore! Thank you so much for your ongoing support and encouragement. With that said, this fic is not going to appeal to everyone. It is unlike anything I have written before, and is unlike anything I have seen in this community before. So please consider liking and relogging if you enjoy, and if doesn't end up being your cup of tea - thank you for giving it a shot. And please note that I did not do a full edit of this fic. I will be editing any mistakes I see upon rereads. I hope you all enjoy reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it.

As a woman traveling alone, there was one thing Katherine Stacy made sure to do: she created a detailed itinerary. Everything from her flights to hotel check-in times and the sights she was planning to see in the great city of Boston were listed in detail on two neatly organized pages. And she made sure to print 3 copies. One for herself, that she carried in her black Kate Spade purse. One for her ex-husband, Ronnie, who was meant to join her on her trip. And the last, for her best friend, Dottie, who remained back home in Toronto - but was the one person she knew she could count on if something did not go according to plan. 

Which was why, as Katie called her from her dimly lit hotel room in the middle of the day - when she was supposed to be touring the Museum of Fine Arts - Dottie answered with such urgency you would have thought her home was on fire. Her mass of blonde curls was the first thing you could see when she answered the video call. They fell into her face that was too close to the screen, her words rushed so close together they slurred into one. “What’sgoingon?Whyisitsodark?Thisisnottheartmuseum.”

Katie propped her phone up against her suitcase, the camera obstructed by the bag’s handle as she rushed to get one of the lights, a string of apologies leaving her lips. When she returned to the end of her bed, she fixed the camera just right before her hands dipped into her bag and she continued to unpack her belongings and store them away in the hotel room’s dresser. It was only then, with her hands busy and a heavy breath rocking her shoulders, that Katie told Dottie why she was calling. 

“He brought her.”

That was all Dottie needed to hear for her eyes to be sent wide in disbelief, “He. Did. Not.” Dottie was always nothing short of eccentric and supportive, but that support only had grown stronger since Katie’s divorce. And since Ronnie started dating again. 

Not even a year into their separation before their divorce was finalized, he had started dating Monica. A beautiful, blonde, twenty-something, esthetician from Etoboike who had weaseled her way into the Waylon family before Katie could even realize what was happening. Which included joining Ronnie on their trip to Boston. Which was supposed to be just the two of them. One where they were coming together as parents to celebrate the success of their son, Parker Waylon-Stacy, who was set to play his first game in the NHL the next evening.  

Worst of all, he hadn’t told her she was coming. Monica had been a nasty surprise when she met him at The Westland for lunch. Katie knew the young woman could see the shock all over her face when she spotted her, and while her attendance was an unpleasant surprise, she had tried to be civil. Yet, Katie could only tolerate so much. 

So she canceled their dinner reservations at the Citizen Public House & Oyster Bar and did not make her planned trip to the art museum. Instead, she had taken a taxi back to the Courtyard by Marriott where she was staying for her short visit in Boston. What she was going to do now, she didn’t know, but Katie knew she needed to call Dottie.

“I knew you should have just come with me Dot-”

Dottie cut in, her words strained by her frustration. “I would have ripped his testicles off with my bare hands-”

“Dot!”

“What?” Dottie was taken back, her brows furrowed. 

“He’s allowed to be dating, we aren’t married.” She and Ronnie hadn’t been together since their son had turned sixteen. That was almost two years ago now, and Katie didn’t miss a single minute of being married to him. She never would. 

“But this trip was supposed to be a family trip,” Dottie reminded, her hand coming up to run over her face with a sigh, “for Parker.”

“Well,” Katie chewed at the inside of her cheek, her hand coming up to push her long red hair back out of her face, “he’s marrying her.”

All Katie could hear was a long, low growl of a no, the video call going dark as Dottie either dropped the phone face down onto a surface or accidentally turned her camera off at the shock of the news. When the sight of her returned, her hand was over her mouth, and her eyes were wide. 

“You should have seen her ring,” Katie told her, her hands wringing the fabric of one of her blouses in her hands like a wet rag, “it was, wow.”

The band was gold, and the diamond was big. Bigger than what she had on her engagement ring and wedding band combined. It was so big it was almost gaudy and hard to miss. It was eye-catching with every single one of Monica’s movements, and all Katie could think of at the sight of it was: Does Parker know? 

It was a question that haunted her as she put down her blouse, pulled her pajamas from the bottom of her bag, and began to undress with little care that Dottie was still on the other end of the call. They had been friends since middle school. There was little Dottie hadn’t seen or didn’t know. 

“Whoa, whoa,” Dottie spoke, the shock fading at the sight of Katie stripping out of her jeans, “what are you doing?”

Katie stepped out of her jeans, leaving them in a heap on the floor as she held her satin bottoms in her hand, “Turning in?”

“NO, you aren’t going to let that selfish prick ruin this trip for you,” Dottie spoke in a firm tone, her finger pointing right into the lens of her camera. 

“What am I supposed to do, Dottie?” Katie sighed, throwing up her hands in defeat and accidentally throwing her pajamas across the room, “I’m just going to order room service and watch some paper view-”

“No, no. You’re going to go out and enjoy yourself.”

A sigh rocked through Katie’s entire body, her hand falling into her hands as she fought back a frustrated sob. She’s a divorced mother in a city she doesn’t know. Her son was off with his teammates doing god knows what on a team-building outing. Her ex-husband was off celebrating his engagement. And she was alone. 

Hot tears pricked at green eyes in the shadow of her hands, but Katie didn’t let them fall. Deep, heavy breaths from years of hiding her frustrations with her husband kept them at bay, but Dottie noticed. She always noticed. 

Which was why her voice had softened when she spoke again, “Show me what’s in your suitcase?”

“My suitcase?” Katie croaked out, her hands coming down to rest against the pale freckles skin of her thighs. 

“Yes, your suitcase.”

Stepping forward, Katie took her phone in her hold and flipped her camera around for Dottie to see. The suitcase was mostly empty now, save for the jacket she had packed at the bottom. The rest of her clothes she had tucked away in the dresser drawers. She had packed just enough clothes to last the three-day trip. Her main outfit was a pair of jeans, boots, and a t-shirt she planned to wear under a jersey to the hockey game the following night. Everything else was meant to be worn during sightseeing, or on the flight home. And every bit of it was practical. 

“No, no, love. Why do you do this to yourself?” Dottie sighed, her shoulder slouching forward. Dottie, herself, was a bit of a fashionista. She always wore the latest trends and was always seen in the brightest colors. Because, well, Dottie liked to be seen. “Where is the sext shit we bought last time we went out?”

“Back home?” Katie spoke in more of a question, her brow raising as if where it was wasn’t already obvious. “I wasn’t coming out here intending to seduce my ex-husband, Dot.”

“You’re in Boston, Katie! A city full of eligible bachelors you can forget about the moment you fly home.”

“Dot-”

“When was the last time you got laid, Katie?”

Her stomach sunk, her mouth going dry at the question. Dottie already knew the answer to that question, but she was trying to use it to motivate her now, even if Katie hated it when she did that. 

“You would have heard about it if it happened.”

“You’ve been divorced for over a year, Katie - separated for two. It’s time to ditch the vibrator.”

Katie let out a long, frustrated huff, fighting the urge to toss her phone onto the pillow. She knew exactly where this was going. “I’m not using that stupid dating app-” 

Tinder. Bumble. Plenty of Fish. Hinge. If it was a dating app, she was on it, and failing miserably at it. Dottie’s daughter, Megan, had set her up with the accounts. Helped her pick every flattering picture and even wrote her biography to cater to the current dating scene. And it had only led her to two types of people, men just like her husband who were divorced and looking for their next way to mother them, or were young men - too young for her to comfortably consider - with mommy issues. And both had gifted her far too many unsolicited pictures of their cocks. 

Just the thought of opening the app made her want to gag. 

“Then don’t,” Dottie spoke, her tone assuring and not forceful. “Just do this one thing for yourself. Go buy a nice dress and a pair of underwear that haven’t seen postpartum. Something sexy. Something to make you feel confident, and go out to dinner. Take yourself out. Hell, even if it’s just the hotel bar. Get a drink and try to have a little fun. For me.”

Dottie dipped her chin down and pouted her lips. Growing up, it was always how Dottie had gotten her way, and sometimes it still worked. Just like it had then. 

“Fine.”

“Good, now, I gotta go,” she spoke, and her screen was suddenly a rush of color as she was on the move, “The twins have a game tonight.”

Dottie was a mother of three. Megan, 18, the same as Parker, was off at university, but the twins were only 12. And had a very extensive hockey schedule to maintain, which kept Dottie’s schedule busy and her hands full. 

“Alright, alright, I won’t keep you,” Katie waved her hand at the phone casually, “Tell Brandon and Brayden Auntie Katie is cheering for them-”

“Don’t think this gets you off the hook,” Dottie added quickly, “I want a selfie of you looking sexy at the bar. Love you. Kisses!” 

Shopping alone was something Katie loathed. Nothing ever fit her proportions right, especially after the rollercoaster that was going from a size 2 to pregnant to struggling with her weight postpartum, to a grueling weight loss journey that brought her to a weight that she could be both healthy and happy with. But Katie wasn’t skin and bones. She was soft and curvy with an ass that was maybe a little bigger than she would like, and breasts that didn’t match the fashion industries’ standards of what her body was supposed to look like. It was that fact that left her rotating out of each boutique's change room, trying on one dress and then the next before she found one dress that fit her body just enough for her to confidently make the purchase. 

It was a little black dress that stopped just below the knee. It was sleeveless, and the deep vee neckline showed off her cleavage with a little help from some strategically placed fashion tape. The dress hugged her curves without restricting her stride and left her feeling sexy as she stood in front of the bathroom mirror and took her time to do her hair and makeup for her night on the town. 

Aka. Her night at the hotel bar. 

It was only a short walk from the elevator to the bar's entrance. The dark bar filled with the warm amber glow of the lights that hung above each table, and along the high traffic points of the bar. Normally, she wouldn’t consider going to a place like this. Katie liked to be able to see what she was eating and drinking. But tonight she was desperate. Desperate and alone with no thought in her mind that the latter would change. Besides, she just needed to be there long enough to take a few pictures and leave without an empty stomach. With those two facts in mind, Katie walked into the bar with the confidence only a mother could have and seated herself down the bar.

It’s the most lit area of the establishment, her seat was right beside one of the beautiful bronze light fixtures. It set her face aglow, her bright red lipstick and dark mascara framed eyes illuminated so fully she feared she might look like a clown, but she tried not to focus on the insecurities of dining out alone. Instead, Katie pulled out her phone and texted a quick picture of herself to Dottie. She looked a little more anxious than sexy, but it proved she was out. Then, she took a picture of the light fixture before placing her phone screen down on the bar top and welcomed a menu as it was placed in front of her.

The barkeep was nice, and if she was younger she might have mistaken his kindness for flirtation. But Katie knew better. It was his job to be friendly. Good service meant better tips, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t need the confidence boost. It, at the very least, left her smiling as she looked over her menu and ordered a drink to start: a Negroni Sbagliato. 

It would be the first of two during her meal. The first left her more comfortable being out in Boston alone. The second gave her the confidence to lift her phone from the bartop. Her fingers hovered over the darkened screen before she awakened its brightness with the single click of the home button. Her eyes had to squint at the harshness of its light, her eyes having adjusted to the bar’s moody atmosphere before she could be greeted with the series of notifications from Dottie. 

She was at her son’s hockey game, but she had taken the time to respond to the photo with a series of flame emojis. Quick, but effective support that had Katie’s finger leaning towards the Tinder app that she had tucked on her last page of applications. 

The screen came to life with an even harsher light, leaving Katie to flinch in her seat as she tried to hide her screen beneath her arm. At her age, there was nothing more embarrassing, in her mind, than being on a dating app. She looked down at the first profile carefully as she brought her phone down to her lap, her thumb swiping left on the first eligible bachelor who didn’t look all that eligible when she was sure the woman in the picture was his wife, and not his sister or a friend. Then the second, third, and fourth men in her radius were all at the bottom of her age range and looked all too young. 

In her position, Katie knew she shouldn’t be so picky. She was in Boston for only a few days. Alone for one night. If anyone wanted to meet her for a drink, or at the very least provided a pleasant series of text messages before ghosting her when she found out she was a mother, she would be able to label the night as a success. 

With each passing profile, Katie fell further into defeat and accepted that she would be enjoying her night alone. And she accepted that as she sipped at what was her second drink, only for it to gently choke at her throat at a soft, unfamiliar voice spoken at her side. 

“I’d swipe right on you.”  

The words sent a blossom of heat through Katie from her heart to her cheeks and the tips of her toes. Unsolicited, they should have flooded her with dread. But they were flirtatious and left her giddy before she could even offer the man more than a glance. It had been a long time since someone hit on her at a bar, and it left her sitting taller in her seat. Confident. 

That was until she looked right, and to the man who had greeted her with his flirtatious words. Her stomach was left unsettled. He wasn’t ugly. Far from it with his tall, lean stature, chestnut brown hair, and eyes a warm brown hue that could so easily tempt her into comfort if she let them. But he was young. Younger than anything in her age range on any of the dating apps on her phone. He looked older than her son, but she may have mistaken them for the same age if it wasn’t for the beginnings of a beard along the angles of his jawline. 

As quickly as her stomach fluttered with butterflies, she was flooded with disappointment. She wouldn’t even entertain a man as young as he was. But Katie was too polite. 

“That’s very flattering,” there was a hint of a smile in her voice as she looked down at the bartop to hide the blush that still threatened to creep up on her cheeks. “But I’m pretty sure I’m old enough to be your mother.”

The statement seemed to amuse him, his smile growing as he stepped up to sit on the barstool next to her. He, whoever he was, was getting too comfortable. It left Katie shifting in her seat, suddenly all too aware of how her heels hooked on her stool and how her thighs pressed together uncomfortably as her ass was cradled by her seat. 

“I don’t believe it,” he wore a boyish grin as he turned his body just enough to give her all of his attention, “You here, looking like that…”

Katie could feel his eyes drag up and down the length of his body, admiring her figure and how it looked in her little black dress. 

“Being anyone’s mother would be a shock to me,” he finished his train of thought, his words still on the verge of flirtation. 

Katie wanted to accept it. To feel flattered by his interest however great or mild it may be. But there was an anxiety that bubbled deep in her stomach. One that left her paranoid that this could be a joke. Shifting in her seat, Katie did a glance around the bar. Looking from table to table she looked for anyone that the man beside her could be associated with. But the bar was quiet. There was a table with what looked like a bridal party that would be pregaming before hitting the town. Then, there was a table of old-timers who may have been regulars or retirees visiting the city. Neither were crowds he would be a part of. That was unless he was homosexual. But, if he were, he wouldn’t be seated beside her at the bar, hitting on her. 

“You’re too kind,” she spoke slowly, trying to be polite. 

“What can I say, my mama raised me right,” he smiled a boyish grin, “which is why I’d like to buy you a drink.”

Katie’s heart fluttered in her chest at the offer, her head cocking to the side as she spoke; “You don’t have to.”

“I insist.”

Katie had to give him one thing, he was confident. She could see it in how his dark eyes didn’t tear away from her, and how his shoulders remained strong instead of slouching with each of her flattered but deflective responses. He could have taken her brief remarks as being disinterested - which in a way she was disinterested if only because of his apparent age - yet, he persisted.  

Reaching up with his hand, the mystery Bostonian flagged down the bartender and met him with a smile. He ordered himself a drink, before nodding towards Katie and requesting another for her as well. Then, he offered him his credit card. Katie’s eyes lingered on the piece of plastic as it was passed from one man to the other. It was just a typical credit card. Nothing fancy that would indicate that he was a man with exceptionally deep pockets, and her stomach filled with dread as she realized that she had probably let some poor college student pay for her drink. 

It left her mouth tasting sour as her third drink of the evening was placed in front of her. So sour, that she almost rejected it. But it was already paid for, so she accepted it and decided that if he ordered a second for himself, she would pay for it. 

“Thanks,” she spoke across the short distance between them, her body turning to be a little more open to a conversation. 

Talking to him was the least that she could do. 

“What brings you to Boston…” he started, his words trailing off. He wasn’t done with his question, yet, he was asking her for something already. 

Blankly, Katie stared at him, unsure of what exactly he was fishing for until it hit her. He wanted to know her name. She could feel her face go red with the realization, and redder when she hesitated when she almost said her full name, Katherine. 

Katherine felt old. Stale. Everything she was trying to avoid being, so she gave him her nickname instead, “Katie.”

“What brings you to Boston, Katie?”

“Visiting family,” she kept her answer brief without the messy details. And without the mention of having a son that she was sure was only a few years younger than him. “What about you…”

“Jeremy,” he was quicker to answer, his hand reaching out halfway. She smiled at the gesture, reaching out and meeting his hand with hers in a simple handshake before she withdrew to wrap her fist around her glass. 

“What brings you to Boston, Jeremy?”

“Nothing too exciting, just work.”

Just work. Such a simple answer. Straightforward. No details. And she could have asked for more, but he met her level of secrecy - of mystery - all the while making his intentions known. He didn’t need to disclose his life to her, or her to him, because he couldn’t care less if he was just looking for a woman to take back to his room. But before she could confirm her theory to be true, he pressed her for more. 

“If you’re here to visit with family, why are you alone?”

Katie wasn’t sure what she heard in Jeremy’s voice when he asked that question. If it was merely curiosity or pity, she hadn’t known him long enough to know. But it left her smile wavering as she answered him, “Busy schedules,” she shrugged her shoulders to give off a feeling of carelessness even though it was still bothering her, “I’ll see them all in the morning.”

“How early?”

 If she had been taking a sip of her drink, Katie would have choked again. “You aren’t very discreet.” 

“I can’t afford to be. A beautiful woman like yourself, you could fly off tomorrow and I’d never see you again. At least I can know I took my shot.”

Katie cocked her hair to the side, her bright auburn hair cascading down between her shoulders as her eyes looked at Jeremy in disbelief. He was the very definition of a golden retriever. Happy, waiting with the greatest anticipation that if he was a dog, his tail would be wagging. And he was waiting for her to throw her a bone. 

Biting her lip, Katie placed her drink down on the bartop and her gaze followed after. She shouldn’t have been considering it. Yet there she was, her hands came to rest around her phone and gripped it tight as one thought was clear in her mind. She needed to call Dottie. 

“Can you excuse me for just a moment?” she asked slowly. 

Jeremy answered with a curt nod, his smile unwavering as he watched her with his wide brown eyes. 

With his permission, Katie couldn’t get out of her chair fast enough. She slid from the stool, and her heels slipping on the hardwood. It left her unsteady for a moment, her hand reaching out to catch herself on the bar, but before she could reach the polished wood a pair of large, warm hands had wrapped around her waist.  

The heat of his touch blossomed through Katie’s belly, sending her breath to hitch in the depths of her throat. She wanted nothing more but to hide her surely reddened face in her hands with embarrassment. She wanted to curse herself for her clumsiness, but she was frozen in his hold as he breathed out a whisper she could barely hear but could feel against her cheek; “Don’t worry. I got you.”

His touch. 

His words. 

It was almost enough to make her shudder. But with one shallow, forced breath Katie found her composure  and gave his arm a careful squeeze and a thank you that he might not have been able to hear. Then, she was drying back, her steps quick as she moved for the privacy of the woman’s washroom. It was there she was able to pull out her phone and call Dottie. But Jeremy’s touch was not forgotten, it’s warmth remained deep in her belly, lingering. 

“Where’s the fire?” There was an alertness in Dottie’s voice, nothing but the peaks of her face visible on the screen as she lay in the dark. Katie could only see more of her tired features as Dottie squinted and brought the phone closer to her face. “Wait,” her tone was one of disbelief, “are you still out?”

“Yeah,” Katie’s voice was uneven as she reached a hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear, “and I think I have a problem.”

“If it’s your card, I told you so. I knew you should have called the bank before you went-”

Shaking her head, Katie cut her off, “No, no, there’s a guy?”

Dottie perked up, any sign of sleepiness void from her face in an instant. “A guy? What are you calling me for? Take him to bed!”

Her excitement was contagious, not even the complaints from Dottie’s tired husband who lay beside her in bed could spoil the mood. Katie wanted to be able to revert back to her younger self. To squeal with excitement over a man. A man who thought she was sexy - who wanted to sleep with her with no strings attached. But it wasn’t that simple. 

“It’s just that,” Katie chewed her lip, a heavy sigh rocking her shoulders, “he’s young.”

“How young is young?” Dottie asked slowly, and cautiously as they waded into dangerous territories together. 

“I don’t know,” she sighed, “they didn’t card him. Maybe, twenty-five. No more than thirty.”

“Shit,” Dottie cursed, the single word drawn out and earning another grunt of disapproval from her husband, “he cute?”

“Very.”

“Well, I mean… Thirty isn’t too bad.”

“That’s IF he’s thirty, Dot,” she emphasized, her eyes wide as she dropped her voice lower at the sound of someone entering the washroom. 

“What’s the worst-case scenario?” Dottie asked. 

Katie thought for a moment, her teeth chewing her lip as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. As a woman, there were many horrible scenarios a woman could end up in when dating. Ending up dead was the worst of the worst, but she didn’t take it to that extreme. “Worst case? He’s a twenty-one-year-old fuckboy like the ones we warned Megan about before she went off to college. And I end up with the clap.”

Dottie’s laugh was lost on the flush of the toilet in the stall next to Katie, and the rush of the sink as the stranger in the bathroom washed their hands. It was a mess of noise, but Katie could still make out Dottie’s next question, “Best case?”

Katie hesitated as she threw her head back to rest against the stall. She was embarrassed by the answer. 

Dottie answered for her, “Best case you get laid for the first time in what is it? Two years?”

Hearing it outloud sent her stomach sinking? Had it really been that long? 

Katie cursed under her breath, her head hanging low. When had she let her life get so pathetic? For years, her life had one priority, raising her son. And she had done a good job, he was successful, about to play in his first NHL game after starting his season with the Bruins’ AHL affiliate.  But she never really moved on from her divorce, and from being a mom. Her ex-husband was engaged, and ready to start a new family. But she hadn’t even fucked someone anyone since her divorce. Even then, she and her husband hadn’t even shared a bed before their divorce. She couldn’t even recall the last time they slept together, even if she wanted to. 

From her throat erupted a long, unsatisfied groan. Her mind quickly fell on a decision that she may come to regret. 

“Dot,” she sighed, “is it fucked up if I take him back to my room?”

Silence hung between the two of them for a moment. Dottie processed the decision, and Katie waited anxiously for her friend to tell her if she was making the wrong decision.

“Teach the kid a thing or two,” Dottie spoke, the playful nature of her words lifting a weight of insecurity from her shoulders. 

“Dottie, thank you,” she spoke quickly, one hand going to the lock on the door while the other ended the call. 

With the decision made, with a little help from her friend, all Katie could do now was hope that Jeremy had waited for her at the bar. If he hadn’t she couldn’t blame him for leaving. Maybe she was older than she looked from a distance. Or he had just come to the bar to kill time before a night out in Boston, and she was merely the entertainment. She couldn’t let herself get too hung up on him if he were gone, but thankfully, she didn’t have too. Jeremy remained at the bar. Standing instead of propped up on his stool, his hand slipping something into his back pocket on her approach. 

And Katie, she didn’t waste any time being coy. “I don’t have reservations until 11.”

The smile that was beginning to feel like a welcome constant on Jeremy’s features grew at her words. Katie wasn’t sure if it was the question he was expecting, but it was clear that it was the one that he was hoping for and it flooded her stomach with butterflies. 

She was going to do it. 

She was going to take this attractive young man back to her room. 

“Let me just pay my tab,” Katie told him, her hands already on her purse to dig out her credit card. She merely pressed her jump against the thin, cold plastic card when the bartender threw his towel over his shoulder and raised his hand to reject her payment. He didn’t want it. Katie’s brow furrowed, then it hit her. It had already been paid for. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” she was quick to quip. Katie knew she should have been thanking him, but she couldn’t help but feel a little insulted. She was a grown woman. Successful in her own right. She was more than capable of paying for her own meal. 

“It’s nothing, really,” Jeremy shrugged it off, his arm sliding behind her to rest on her back so effortlessly it was as if they had come to the bar together. 

“Let me pay you back,” Katie insisted, earning the gentle pressure of his hand against the small of her back as he began to lead her out to the lobby. She almost scoffed. As if he knew where her room was - because she wasn’t going back to his. If this was going to happen, it needed to happen on her terms. That also meant, shoving her hand into her wallet and shoving a fist full of American money in his direction. 

Jeremy continued to refuse, his one hand reaching out to guide her hand back towards her open wallet. “And why would I do that?”

“Because I’m more than capable of paying for my own dinner-” She voiced, ready to fight him on it further, but his answer stopped her in place. 

“Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”

Katie stood in the middle of the hotel lobby, her head slightly cocked to the side as she slid out of Jeremy’s reach. He only took a few strides before looking back at her with such warmth in her eyes she thought she might melt. Jeremy was sweet. Too sweet. Acting in every way he had wanted her husband to when they were married, and he was just a young man. It was a cruel thing in a way. For the universe to taunt her with him, but she would let herself enjoy him, if only for the night. 

“Come on, I’m up on the fourth floor,” as she spoke, Katie’s words softened. She wouldn’t be fighting him about her bill again. If he wanted to be a gentleman, she was going to let him. 

They boarded the elevator together, Katie drawing her key card and moving to the right, and Jeremy boarding and leaning against the far left wall. Scanning her card, the elevator doors shut, the two of them alone together for the first time as the elevator began its slow ascent.

The movement made it feel as if her heart was sinking to the depths of her stomach, her anxiety building, as she leaned back against the right side of the elevator directly across from Jeremy. He was smiling still, watching her, admiring her. And she couldn’t help but smile too. It was contagious. 

Her smile had him smiling wider. 

Then, he pushed off the wall of the elevator and closed the short distance between them. He moved so quickly her anxieties didn’t have enough time to worsen, nor did they ease. Her heart raced in the depth of her chest as his hands found her waist, drawing her in from the cold support of the elevator wall and into the strength of his body. He was lean, maybe even a little too lean for her liking, but she could feel how strong he was as her body was pulled flush with his. Katie could feel it first in his grasp, as Jeremy’s fingertips pressed into the curves of her waist. Then again, as her hands braced against his chest, her own careful touch sliding up - feeling his pectorals flex in the process - and around before linking behind his neck. Her tough welcomed Jeremy in, and with him came his kiss. 

Katie had to press up onto her toes to meet it, even in her heels. Teetering on the toes of her heels as Jeremy leaned in and pressed a slow kiss to her lips. She had expected it to be a desperate kiss. One that was sloppy, and would leave her face wet and her eyes rolling, but she was wrong. Jeremy kissed her slowly, both hands on her hips for one moment, the next one had risen to stroke over the soft skin of her cheek. His thumb dragged over the smooth flesh, and down to catch on her chin, drawing her mouth open. Katie had to choke back a moan at the feeling of his tongue slipping in between parted lips. The warm stroke of his tongue infiltrated her mouth, the depth of the kiss leaving her legs weak as the elevator door chimed. 

They had reached her floor. 

red

She licked her lips as she drew back, her hands falling to her clutch to fumble with its contents for her room key. If she was fumbling with her purse, she wouldn’t have to look up and risk anyone else seeing the red lipstick that quickly became a mess on her face. She could feel how it was smudged off her lips, and she was sure that if she looked to Jeremy who now followed behind her like a shadow, that it would be smeared over his lips as well. 

But she didn’t look up. Not until she got to the door of her room and she took a deep breath. Once she crossed the threshold, there would be no going back. The thought left her on the verge of vomiting as she heard the lock click, and her hand reached for the door handle. She was nervous, more than that. Anxious. She was anxious. But there was an excitement that left her shivering as she led Jeremy into her hotel room. 

If he was going to kiss her like that, she couldn’t wait to see what else he intended to do with her. But first-

“Do you want another drink?” Katie asked him quickly as she came to stand in front of the small console table in the entryway. She placed her clutch there, and her key and had intended to peel away from it to move to the small bar in her room, but she found herself trapped between it and Jeremy’s body as the door shut behind her. 

Hands splaying out over the table, Katie braced herself there as Jeremy’s hands returned to her body. One snake around her waist, easing her to lean back into him while the other carefully pushed her loose auburn curls away from the pale skin from her neck. Her eyes went wide, fixated on the horrible piece of art that hung on the wall as his hot breath encroached on her neck. It washed over her in heated waves. The hot moisture was almost enough to make her sweat, but instead Jeremy left her melting. His kiss was slow against her neck. Peppering at first before his lips were dragging down her skin, leaving hot trails down to her collarbone and back up again. 

Her heart fluttered. Then it pounded. So loudly, all Katie could hear was her heartbeat in her ears. It left her eyes fluttering shut, her mind focused on nothing but the kiss of his lips and the touch of his hands on her body. He caressed her curves, gripped at her flesh and kissed every bit of exposed skin on her neck, throat and shoulders. And it all left her melting, her mind fuzzy, and any bit of inhibition was ready to leave her and let him do as he pleased with her body. That was until she left his hand encroached on the hem of her dress. The warm touch of his hand on the sensitive skin of her thigh sent her head into a panic. 

This was the beginning of foreplay. 

Katie should have expected it, she should have been looking forward to it. But it left her nerves raw. In all the years she had been married to Ronnie, foreplay had been forgotten. Sex was an obligation and it was quick. A mere tool used to please her husband while she was left to finish herself off in the shower or beside him after he had fallen asleep in bed. Back then, it didn’t matter if she was dressed in lingerie or pajamas. If she had a fresh shave, or hadn’t shaved for weeks. Ronnie didn’t care - or atleast, he always said he didn’t. But now, as a stranger’s hands were so eager to explore every inch of her body, it left her self conscious. 

“I’ve got whiskey at the bar,” Katie breathed out quickly, her knees weak as she stepped away from him and quickly moved for the bar. 

She was met by Jeremy’s low chuckle,“I’m not that bad looking, am I?”

“No - no, it’s not that - I’m sorry,” Katie apologized, her hand grasping at one of the little bottles of rum from the bar, “I haven’t done anything like this in a long time. I’m just a little nervous.” 

“How long’s it been?” His words were casual, his confidence unwavering even as she found her so close to plummeting. 

“Since when?” She asked slowly, seeking clarification if only to bide herself more time. Katie didn’t want to have to tell him the truth, but she wasn’t a liar. 

“Since you’ve had casual sex?”

“You really don’t want to know,” she countered. 

Omission was not the same as lying. 

Looking up from the bar top, and the bottle of whiskey in her hand that she had yet to uncork her eyes rose to look at Jeremy who had found his way to the end of her bed. He had seated himself down, his shoes kicked off his feet, and he leaned back on his elbows, lounging casually in the bed that had yet to be slept in. 

While he laid back, so casually, that he could have let his head lul back and let himself stare at the ceiling. But even as he relaxed there, waiting for her nerves to be put at ease by a little liquid courage, his soft brown eyes were fixated on her. Her grip tightened around the neck of the bottle, a quivering breath coursing through her body as she held his stare. It was soft, alluring in a way that left her ready to answer anything he may ask of her and it left her curing under her breath. It was a dangerous thing, just how easy to trust he was. 

Pouring her drink, straight whiskey into her glass, she sipped the room temperature alcohol back and let it burn. Then, under the blaze of it consuming her, Katie answered, “Twenty years.”

“Bullshit.”

Katie’s lips pressed together in a small smile, the shock on his ace coaxing an innocent shrug from her shoulders. 

“You don’t look a day over thirty.”

“Now that is bullshit,” she pointed at him, her lips spreading into a wider grin now. 

“You look incredible. That dress, your body. What can I say? You caught my attention. But I bet that dress looks even better on the floor.”

Katie swallowed back the lump that quickly formed in her throat as his words. She was very self conscious about her body. It changed drastically over the years. Once she was skinny, flat and narrow in no way the healthiest version of herself. But it was also the one that had carried her child, and left her with curves she didn’t want and scars only her ex-husband had seen. And now she was going to share it with Jeremy, a man who she was sure still had so much to learn about a woman’s body. It was a terrifying thought. One that hung in the back of her mind as she abandoned her drink on the bar and stepped out of her heels. 

Barefoot, she took careful strides towards the bed, her demeanor caught somewhere between confident and terrified, but it caught his attention all the same. Katie knew she had caught his eye when his smile tested the limits of how far it could spread over his cheeks as Jeremy sat up from where he leaned. He moved slowly to the edge of the bed, his legs spreading just enough for Katie to stand between them. 

With a careful, final step, Katie stood between his legs and looked down at him. Her heart pounded deep in her chest, so hard and so rapidly she thought her ribs were about to rattle. And in her chest, she could feel her very last inhale struggling to creep its way back up her throat in the calm of an exhale. It burned in her lungs, the nerves of undressing in front of him smothering her. That was, until she felt the warms of Jeremy’s hands find her body, and in an instant she calmed. 

She exhaled slowly through slightly parted lips as her eyes fell shut. In the darkness it brought, Katie fixated on the warmth of Jeremy’s touch. It dragged over her curves, tracing each rise and fall with his fingers and palms before each of his hands settled on her broad hips. There, he gripped her gently and guided her steps in a small circle so she stood with her back to him. 

Katie raised up her arms slowly, her hands dragging up her own neck and tangled into her auburn strands as she drew them away from the zipper of her dress. Her breath hitched again, but only for a moment,  in the back of her throat as she felt his fingers pinch at the zipper and drag it down. He inched it down slowly, and Katie could feel the black fabric begin to fall away from her skin. And as the warm fabric fell away, the cold air of the room kissed her skin. It sent a shiver coursing up her spine, her entire body shuttering as the fabric hit the ground, leaving her in nothing but a pair of black lace pair of panties. 

They were brand new. The tag was in the trash bin in the bathroom. And Katie would be forever thankful that she had bought them when she bought the dress instead of wearing something she had packed. If she had been wearing anything else, she may have recoiled from his touch, but instead, as she turned in place to face him, Katie radiated confidence. 

He could see almost all of her, from her stretch marks to the freckles on her skin. Yet, Jeremy’s touch didn’t recoil, his hands continued to explore the expanse of her body and his dark eyes didn’t look away. Instead, they traced her every curve on the way back up to her face that was left blank from the nerves that came from waiting for his reaction. Katie was sure that Jeremy hadn’t seen a body like hers before. So old, so flawed, so-

Her thoughts were broken by Jeremy’s slow, soft spoken words. “Yeah, looks much better on the floor,” Jeremy punctuated his words with the slow swipe of his tongue over his lip as his warm gaze dragged up and down the length of her body. His complement dissolved any feeling of nervousness, of insecurity, that had consumed Katie. Her joints had been weak, and her heart racing, but he brought her calm. 

In that calm, Katie found her confidence. Her teeth bit down on her lower lip, her mind racing as she tried to determine what exactly her first move would be – and then she took it. 

One step, and then another, Katie brought her legs up to kneel on the bed, the mattress shifting beneath her weight as she straddled Jeremy’s lap. The denim on his dark jeans was rough against the inside of her thighs as his hands helped guide her down into his lap. Jeremy’s arms constricted around her, drawing her nearly naked body flush to his. Katie could feel his hot breath against her cheek, her inhale drawing in the sweet scent of alcohol before she stole a kiss from his lips. 

Katie wasted no time with sweetness or caution. Instead she kissed him with such an insatiable hunger, she knew tasting him on her tongue wouldn’t be enough. But it was a start. Each deep kiss and stroke of her tongue against his left his stubble to drag over the sensitive skin of her jaw and cheeks. It was rough, scratching against her skin and contrasting the tender movements of his hands as his warm touch moved up over the curves of her body. Jeremy’s touch settled on the broad curve of her hips, his fingers digging into the soft and supple flesh. And it was the only encouragement she needed to coax the subtle roll of her hips over the roughness of her jeans. 

Quickly, Katie became intoxicated by his kiss, by his touch and the very feeling of him between her legs. It began with the friction of his fly against the crotch of her panties, the subtle friction sparking the beginnings of her arousal. And then she felt him. His cock stiffened in the confines of his jeans, growing and becoming a thick outline that pressed up into the thick denim that divided them. Katie dragged her core up and down his clothed length, a shudder taking her body as a soft moan was coaxed from her lips. And it left Jeremy smiling as he pulled back just enough to tug off his t-shirt. 

Her eyes looked him up and down in a quick glance. Jeremy was fit. With his chest muscles flexing, the outline of his abs clear and his biceps building as he tossed his t-shirt aside, Katie almost tucked her tail and ran. He wasn’t an Adonis of a man, but he was intimidating in every way. Especially, while she was no idyllic beauty herself. 

“That’s just,” she exhaled a long, desperate breath, “not even fair.”

Jeremy’s grin grew wider, his hands gripping her hips a little tighter, as he picked her up and flipped her to lay back against the comfort of the bed. The action left her breathless, her hands scrambling against the bed to ease herself upright until she felt Jeremy’s hand flat against her stomach to keep her in place as she lay just beneath the comfort of the hotel room pillows. She lay there panting for a moment, her hair a mess against the bed and her eyes fixated on the ceiling as she felt the bed shift, and Jeremy settle between her legs. 

“Just take a second, relax,” Jeremy’s hot words washed over the inside of her thighs, and her core clenched. 

The room around her seemed to spin as she lay there, her lips parted in disbelief as she felt his fingers hook on the black lace of her panties and dragged them down the length of her legs. She could feel the warm, wet puddle of her arousal as it dragged down against her inner thigh, and her stomach knotted as she felt the warmth of his breath encroach on her needy core. She couldn’t remember the last time a man had been between her legs - if one had been at all, because she knew her husband never had been. But Jeremy didn’t hesitate. 

He lay on the bed on his stomach between her legs, his one hand sliding down from her hip, over the red curls of hair that trailed down over her pelvis and down to the slick folds between her thighs. He stroked her slowly, with two fingers barely brushing her slit before parting her with his fingers and tracing the sweet arousal at her core. Jeremy teashed her there, her heart racing as she tried so desperately to be calm. Her heart pounded, and her teeth care down on her lower lip in a firm bite, the pain a little distraction from the insecurities that threatened to consume her. She in no way felt prepared for this of all things. It was supposed to be a quick fuck, but then she felt him. The warmth of his tongue stroked over the entrance of her cunt and she moaned. 

It ripped up her throat before she could stop it, the heat and wetness of his long tongue a stark contrast to the colder temperature of the hotel room. And the sound only seemed to fuel him. He delved into her as if he was dehydrated and she was all he had to drink. His tongue parted her folds, and delved into her core leaving her cunt dripping with his saliva. His hands wound around her waist, one moving over the thick red curls of her hair as he blindingly fumbled for her clit as his face was buried between her thighs. 

Reaching down, her hand took hold of his carefully. Her fingers slid along his, gripping them carefully as she guided him to just the right spot. But once she guided him there, Katie’s touch didn’t leave him. Her hand remained resting over his. It kept his pressure even, and his motion just right as he rubbed her in slow circles. The action wound her up, the pleasure building like a wind up toy. Each stroke of his tongue, and every rotation of his fingers left her burning pleasure to coil in her stomach and soon she was seeing stars. She was so close to the brink of her pleasure, that her toes were curling against the sheets and her thighs threatened to close in on his ears. But that was where he left her, on the verge of her climax, as he trailed sloppy kisses down the inside of her thighs before he could push up and pull as his belt. 

Pushing up onto her elbows, she watched as she pulled his belt free, and worked his jeans and his boxer briefs down his legs together. It was hard not to stare, to admire the muscles of his body as she fished through his pocket or his wallet, and then the condom that was tucked in its folds. 

The wrapper became discarded on the bed beside her, and he worked the latex onto his cock, ready to take his place between her legs again, but she didn’t let him. Katie felt too guilty, selfish even, for having his face buried between her legs, and it had her pushing up from her place with a sudden surge of confidence. Her hands found the strength of Jeremy’s chest, a playful shove knocking him back to lay against the bed so she could climb into his lap once more. She took in a steady breath, her nose wrinkling for a moment as it crossed her mind that she may be too old for what she had in mind, but it didn’t stop her. 

With a single hand, Katie reached down between their bodies and took hold of his cock in her hand. She stoke it slowly, once and then again before she brought it to the entrance of her core. The mere pressure of the tip of her cock threatened to send her legs trembling before she could take him. If it were anyone else, Katie might have given up and let him take her plainly on her back knowing full well it would get the job done for her. But Katie persevered. She eased herself down onto him slowly, her eager core accommodating him so effortlessly it left her moaning. And once she felt his warmth against her ass, and had consumed him into the depths of her core, Katie began to ride him. 

Her hands braced herself against the slender strength of her chest as her hips rolled. She moved in a slow and steady rhythm, the friction sending pleasure boiling through her entire body. Katie became lost in the feeling of hip hips rising to meet her body in a gentle pound. It was all she could fixate on, even as her legs began to tremble and the muscles in her legs began to burn. She could hear each subtle impact, the meeting of skin, and it became a symphony of sounds that mixed with her desperate breath and the soft sounds that she coaxed from Jeremy’s lips. He reeled on the bed beneath her, his warm eyes admiring her body as his hands gripped her hips and fingers sunk into the flesh of her ass. He encouraged her every move, guiding her up and down his cock, but she couldn’t hide how her legs trembled. 

Jeremy grinned wide, his head leaning back against the pillow as he let out a trembling breath of words, “Look so pretty taking my cock, you wanna see?”

Katie found herself at a loss for words as she slid down the length of his cock and froze with him deep inside her. Her breaths quaked under each uneven breath, and her mind was left fuzzy by the mere feeling of being so full of him. And all she could do was nod. 

Carefully, Jeremy eased her from his cock, and guided her to rest on all fours on the bed. In front of her at the end of the bed was the dresser, her empty bag still resting on top of it, but it wasn’t enough to block the view of the mirror that hung on the wall above it. She could see her reflection there, her auburn hair left mused and her face was almost just as red as it was flushed and smeared with her red lipstick. She could see her body too. Her skin was fair and freckled and so exposed. Her breast hung in two small swells, and from behind her shoulders she could see the swell of her hips and Jeremy positioning himself behind her. His eyes were fixated on her ass, as were his hands that kneaded at the soft flesh. 

Katie could see his lips move in a silent curse that was lost on her as he pulled he positioned her just right. And when he had her just where he wanted her, the careful glide of the tip of his cock found her entrance again, and her thrust deep inside. The first thrust left her mewling, and the second left her fingers to grip at the bedding below. She met every single one of Jeremy’s thrusts, the mass of her ass quaking from each impact. But she didn’t watch herself, Katie’s eyes did not leave Jeremy. She watched as his face softened, and his muscles flexed. His eyes even closed from the time as he became lost in the feeling – but when they opened his stare met his gaze in the mirror. 

Jeremy tutted her gently, a single hand leaving the soft flesh of her hip to travel up the length of her back. As he moved, she could feel more and more of his body against her. Then, his hand found her throat. He held it carefully, without pressure, and guided her up to kneel. There she could feel his entire body against hers, all the while his cock was buried deep in her core. His thumb rested along her chin, and his forefinger stretched out along her jaw, and Jeremey held her gaze there, on her own feeble expression as he fucked her until her throat was raw, and her core clenched desperately around her cock. It was under the pressure of her core’s embrace that she felt his breathing quicken,the rush of air hot against the back of her neck as he reached the very peak of his climax. 

His hands fell away from her lip ribbon, and Katie fell back onto her hands and knees. Her entire body trembled as she lowered herself down to the mattress. The soft twitches involuntary as she was left panting and void of Jeremy as he eased his cock from her. She was seeing stars, her head or the room spinning as the rush of being fucked began to fade. Katie was left exhausted, ready for sleep, but satisfied - feeling euphoria for the first time in years. But before she could sleep, she needed to take care of Jeremy. 

“You’re welcome to shower before you go,” she offered as she lay sprawled out on the mattress. It was the least she could do. 

“I’m going to take you up on that,” Jeremy carded a hand through his sweaty curls as he nodded towards what he thought was the bathroom door. 

Katie nodded in confirmation, and watched as he disappeared through the bathroom door. She did not move until she could hear the water tattooing against the shower floor. But she didn’t go far. She reached out to the dresser, and she pulled open the dresser drawer. She had left her pajamas on the very top, the same ones she was going to wear before Dottie had convinced her to go out, and she dressed slowly. Her body ached in the best way as she stepped into them. Then, she joined Jeremy in the bathroom. 

The room was full of steam, the mirror fogged over as she moved to stand in front of it. A single hand cut through the fog, revealing her tired reflection, but best of all she could see the silhouette of Jeremy in the shower behind her. She stood there, brushing her teeth, her eyes admiring his body as it was obscured by the steamy glass. 

Leaning forward, Katie spat a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink. 

“I’m going to turn in, you can let yourself out when you’re done. Use all the hot water if you want, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t steal my wallet while I slept.”

Jeremy’s laughter filled the air as effortlessly as the plumes of steam from his shower. It drew Katie's eyes to his blurred silhouette, a small smile curling up on her own lips. She could get used to that sound, and the warm fuzzy feeling that came with it. The joy and amusement it embodied was one she needed to embrace herself–

“You’ve got nothing to worry about. Goodnight, Katie.”

–And for a moment she frowned as she moved for the doorway, her eyes fixated on the ground, as she realized it was a laugh she wouldn't hear again.

Sweaty palms threatened the integrity of a single slip of paper as Katie held it firm in a single fist. It was a pale yellow posted note, one that she had found stuck to her bathroom mirror when she had woken up in the morning. It was left there to be found by tired eyes, the message:  For if you ever find yourself alone in Boston. Paired with Jeremy’s phone number,  it had made her smile as she tucked it into her purse before she had gone out for brunch with her son, Parker, her ex-husband and his new fiance. But it had also left her panicked when it had fallen out of her purse when she pulled out her wallet as she insisted on paying at least half of the bill. It rested on the table face door for a moment, Katie had frozen completely and Parker was quick to try and retrieve it for her, but she had acted quickly. She had grabbed it before he could, and then she had conceded. Parker paid for their meal, and the paper had remained secured in her hand as they left and parted ways. 

Even as she walked alone in a park she couldn’t remember the name of, the slip of paper remained secure in her hand. In the other she held her cell phone against her ear as it rang. She needed to call Dottie. She needed to know everything. 

“He left me his number.”

“That’s my girl. Rocked that boy’s world.” Dottie encouraged her with a holler. 

Katie looked down to her feet, her face flushed with color. She couldn’t remember the last time she had done anything like she had with Jeremy, and if it had been anyone else Katie would have bit her tongue. But she could trust Dottie more than anyone. They were best friends, practically sisters, Katie could tell her anything. 

“I think he had to be older than I thought. He was actually really good in bed,” Katie smiled a little too wide as she spoke. It had been too long since she had a real girl talk. “Like really good. And his body, Dot, I couldn't have pulled a guy like that when I was twenty.” 

“What did he say he did for work?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask-”

“Maybe he’s a porn star,” Dottie joked but Katie didn’t laugh.

She could only shrug. “I mean, it would explain a lot.” 

“You used a condom, right?”

“Yes mom, of course I did,” Katie rolled her eyes. 

“Good girl, are you going to text him?”

The question hung in the air for a moment. Katie looked away out over the park as if Katie could see her on what was merely a voice call. The prospect of reaching out to Jeremy was a pleasant thought in her mind. He was attractive, kind, and so good in bed. He treated her the way that she wanted to be treated. She should want to call him, but he was young. Too young to be anything more than a one night stand. 

She could never see Jeremy again. 

“Fuck, no,” she assured Dottie, “number went into the trash,” her words were rushed as she lied, and rushed further to assure Dottie wouldn’t question her on it. “I gotta go, I’ll call you after the game tonight. Kisses!”

TD Garden was unlike any arena Katie had ever been in. The fans were loud, so loud she swore her bones rattled in her body with every intense cheer. And the atmosphere left her sitting on the edge of the seat since before the game could even start. Or maybe that was just the nerves as she sat beside her ex-husband as they watched their son Parker Waylon-Stacy erupt from the tunnel to take his rookie lap. 

Her hands came together over her heart, her eyes fixated on him, and then the jumbotron above as the camera followed his path along the side. The threat of tears burned at her eyes, her lips parted in a breath that fought back of heartfelt sob that erupted when his name was plastered across the screen with his stats from the AHL. Parker Stacy.

Stacy. 

Her last name on her back, not her husband’s last name or the hyphenation of the two. It left ehr on the verge of tears throughout the night, and they did spill as it came down to the third period when she shot up from her seat as her son assisted on what would be the game winning goal. Katie cried into her hands, her husband’s arm patting her back as the crowd erupted around them. There was no greater pride than celebrating her son’s success in that moment with her husband, and the strangers around her that even offered her some napkins as her mascara began to run. 

“That’s my son,” she sobbed with pride, and the crowd of college kids around her celebrated with her. Some jumped, others spilled their beer, Katie even received a hug, but they all cheered, “Stacy's Mom!”

Katie remained in her seat after the game, reveling in the silence as the seats around her and her family cleared. And she only moved from her palace when she received a text message from Parker. He wanted them to come down to the locker room. It sent her through what felt like a maze of the arena, but with the help of a member of the security team, she found her boy. 

Katie ran to him, her arms enveloping her only son in her arms and pressing a kiss into his sweat drench hair. There the tears began to fall in hot streams down her cheeks, “I am so proud of you,” she told him as she drew back, her hand cradling his cheeks. Parker’s face was red, surely embarrassed by his mother’s affections, but he didn’t stop her. He had always been a mama’s boy, and that wouldn’t change even if his teammates gave him a hard time about that later. 

Parker wore a boyish grin, his hand raising to push through his wet hair. He was already showered and dressed, even if some of the other players around him were still half-dressed in their equipment. Parker was ready to leave, but first he wanted to make the introductions he felt he may never be able to make again. “Mom this is Patrice Bergeron-”

Katie turned in place, a smile blossoming over her face as she reached out to shake the Captain’s hand. She had every intention of being polite. She wanted to introduce herself, to make the small talk as she was prompted to. But her words were lost as hoots and hollers of the nickname Bulldog filled the room. The players were welcoming their rookie goaltender back into the room after completing his post game interview. Confidence embodied his every stride, and it drew Katie’s curious eye. 

The player was still dressed in his equipment, his back to her as he stood in front of his stall. SWAYMAN was sprawled across the back of his shoulders, framed by his shoulders. A single large hand reached back, peeling it from his body before it was tossed into a pile with the others. Katie’s eyes moved back to the Captain, a small awkward smile on her lips as she listened to him talk about the pleasure of mentoring her son. But his words were lost on her ears as they perked up at the sound of all too familiar laughter. 

Katie’s blood ran cold, her eyes searching for the sources of the laughter. Her heart pounded in her chest, her stomach jumping up into her throat as she was left on the verge of vomiting. There, standing in his stall, laughing along with his teammates was Swayman, who no longer stood with his back to her. He was completely shirtless now, and his face was all too clear to see. She knew those warm brown eyes, and that soft confident smile. The sight of them was one that would be etched into her memories for the rest of her days. 

Swayman was Jeremy. 

She stood there, petrified, her eyes unmoving from his as he leaned back and flexed his chest muscles. It was there, with his back leaned against his stall, his warm gaze rose and his face softened with recognition. If he was panicked he didn’t show it. And while she froze, Jeremy acted. He stood up slowly, Katie had to fight not to let her eyes wander, and he approached with a casual stride. 

“I didn’t realize we had guests,” Jeremy smiled as he came up to stand beside his Captain, but Katie could barely hear him over the pounding of her heart in her ears. 

The room around her seemed to move in slow motion, her head suddenly feeling light as Patrice introduced her as Stacy’s Mom. It was then she thought she might actually vomit, the bile burning at the back of her throat as Jeremy looked to her with slightly parted lips and a slight glimmer in his eyes. Her palms began to sweat, so much so that she had to wipe her hands along the seam of her jeans before she could reach out to shake Jeremy’s hand as he offered it to her. 

“Stacy’s Mom?” Jeremy spoke with such disbelief that Katie almost believed her, “You don’t look a day over thirty.”

White she had heard that same flattery before it made her heart race all the same. But this time, she couldn’t show it. 

“You’re too kind,” Katie forced a smile, struggling to remain composed as the feeling of her hand encased by his left her heart racing just as his touch had the night before. It was enough to bring her to her knees. 

Jeremy made her weak, and he would for the rest of her days. She would crave him, in every sense of the word. Katie wanted to hear his sweet laughter. She wanted to feel his hands on her body, and enjoy every piece of his that he could offer her. It was a hunger that would rage and burn in the depths of her, but it was one that she could never fulfill. Not now, not that she knew who he was. 

Standing there, the chaos of the room became an echo in her ears as her hand fell away from Jeremy’s hold. She watched as he met her ex-husband, his smile consistently pleasant and was the only thing keeping her from spiraling right there in the locker room. 

Katie would be seeing Jeremy Swayman again. At games, during breaks. Often. So often it would pain her. And she could only pray that she would have the strength to refuse him, or that Parker would find himself on a new team before her will could break. 

Katherine Stacey could not fuck Jeremy Swayman. 

She wouldn’t. 

Not again. 

Surely, she wouldn’t be able to get away with it. Not without complications. 

Could she? 

Taglist: @mp0625 @starshine-hockey-girl

[its-in-the-woods]

Down the Rabbit Hole Chapter 4

Chapter one here, two here, three here

Pairing: Walton Goggins x You

Rating/Warning: As always minor get out. Little angst, lots of fluff, handholding, vague suggestions of sex

Slow build like novel damn length okay, Very Fluffy, Pinch of Angst, Relationship Development, Hurt/Comfort, Older man/ Younger(30s) women, Alternative universe, fictional work (IDK WHY BUT I AM PUTTING IT) Probably more as I go.

Synopsis: Working in film as a make-up artist is hard enough, but then Walton Goggins requests you, well it's way too easy to fall down the rabbit hole.

Note: they are both single, all for fun.

WARNING I do not have this all written out, I do have it plotted out, but it may be a little slower for chapters to come out. Please bear with me. Each chapter is roughly 2-3k long.

*releasing this early as I have a few days of being free. Thank you for all the love <3*

Trevor apologized about seven times in text before phoning you and apologizing again. You tell him ten times that it is fine and you were more than okay. Which then leads to about five hundred questions about what happened between you and Walton. The man will not take ‘nothing happened’ for an answer. 

“Trevor-Trev- oh-my-god could you shut up for one second,” You squeak into the phone, the man has not stopped talking since you picked up. 

“You woke up in his house! In his bed-”

“It was a guest room!”

“Are you sure? Did you see another room?”

“You are impossible right now. It was a spare room.”

“But he made you breakfast!”

You groan into the phone. “Trevor-”

“Like does that count as a date? Did you go on a date?”

“We did not go on a date. We did not sleep together. The only reason he didn’t take me home is because you wouldn’t answer your phone and I was beating anyone who asked where I lived.” You rush out, trying unsuccessfully to persuade him from asking again. 

“I give you mad props for beating on Leonard that man is a beast.”

You chuckle at that, Leonard looked like a cross between ex-military and Santa Clause. Thinking of yourself beating on him for touching you was hilariously ridiculous. The man was probably more inconvenienced than hurt. 

“So when is your next date?”

“TREVOR! We are not dating.”

“Yet. You’re not dating yet. Very important.”

You groan and bang your phone against your forehead in frustration.

“And don’t tell me it’s because he is older than you. I know you like to date older men.”

“I should have never told you that. Biggest mistake I have ever made.”

“Dirty old man fucker.” Trevor is cackling away in the background like some James Bond villain. 

“Oh my god Trevor. STAAP it.” You are also laughing, your damn friend was right. 

“You love it, and I know all about it,” Trevor sings songs into the phone.

“What about you and Decon?” You ask, changing the subject as smoothly as you can. At this rate, your face was going to be permanently red. 

“Oh. It was a wild night! I am looking forward to another one.” Trevor made some lewd noises.

“So gross, both of you. But I am very happy you’re happy.”

“I am over the moon,” Trevor is quiet for the first time, “He just treats me so well. I woke up and he was still there. Made sure I was comfy and took care of me”

“You’re so screwed.” You giggle, you had to give as good as you got. 

“Mmm, actually yes I am. And you should try it sometime.”

You groan again, “Yeah maybe in the next lifetime.”

“Oh, pffts. I give you another two weeks and I will be catching you sneaking off to his trailer.”

“I am rolling my eyes. Can you imagine if Liz got a whiff of anything?”

“What would she do? Fire you? You can’t fire a lead request.”

“I am sure she’d find a way. Or make me regret ever being on the show.”

“Pfftts. She can eat a bag of dicks. Actually, she may need to.”

You both break out into laughter at that comment. The two of you talk back and forth for a good hour. Before Travis is off to Decon’s again, you make gross gagging noises at him. Telling him to enjoy the rest of his weekend and you’d see him on Monday. 

You lay back on your bed staring up at your speckled ceiling, you had stuck up a handful of glowing stars to cover the water damage. Mind running over the weekend, running over the last month. You tell yourself that you’re delusional to think that Walton would ever be interested, but the thought is nice. The thought of going on dates, and well more, is delightful. Then again though, at the end of the day, you’re you. A thirty-something living in a studio apartment trying to break into a career that was over-saturated with a lot of talent. You rub your face, yep the picture of a prize.

***

You wake up early, determined not to let the sour mood you found yourself in over the weekend ruin this week. It’s a new day, anything is possible. Or something like that. You are already on the second cup of coffee, as your toast pops. Your phone jingles and you grab it to see who has decided to bother you this morning. 

“Hey, it’s Walton. Trevor gave me your number. We are running behind. See you soon.” Of course, Trevor would give him your number. You grumble at that, also at yourself for failing to realize you’d never given Walton yours. 

Your heart skips a little, you scold yourself for being ridiculous. “No problem, see you soon.”

“Do you want a coffee?”

“Yes, I’d love a coffee,”

“Same as usual?”

Now your face is pink as you stare at your phone screen. “Are you flipping fourteen again?” You say out loud to the room. “Stop this right now. You know better.” You curse and try to calm your damn heart. 

“Yes please.” You text back. 

You shake your head and finish eating your toast and grinning like a damn moron. Brushing your teeth, braiding your hair, and getting mostly looking human. It was a quarter to six in the damn morning anyway. If you were meant to look presentable this early you would have gone to bed earlier. Your phone buzzes reminding you that you need to get out of there. 

Grabbing your phone and purse you head out the door. Do your best to suppress the butterflies as you all but skip down the hallway. No matter how much you try to tell yourself that nothing will come of this, your heart is overruling your brain. Down the three flights of stairs and yep your heart is pounding in your chest enough to feel like a panic attack. You stop just before the front door, you can see the blackout line of an SUV through the glazed window. 

“Just go out there. It doesn’t matter what happens.” You take a deep breath. “And now you’re talking to yourself outside a door like a lunatic.”

Pushing through the door into the grey rainy early morning, you see Leonard standing beside the car with a small smile. The man reminds you of a Grandpa, big and gruff, but at the same time soft and kind. His arms folded across his chest, shoulder-length white beard blowing in the wind.

“Good morning Leonard, I heard I made quite the scene on Friday.” You smile as he opens the door for you.

“Just making sure you got home safe,” The man smiles, eyes hidden behind sunglasses. 

“I would like to apologize, I definitely won’t make a habit of it.” You say, giving his arm a quick squeeze, as you get into the SUV. It was the least you could do, you’d have to ask Walton what the man liked to drink. A small token of thanks only seemed fair. 

“Well, if you stay in my company it may become one,” Walton says with that damn smile gracing his face. He was wearing loose-fitting blank pants, a grey zipped-up jacket, and glasses as he read over the script in front of him. 

“Promise, I’ve seen worse dear,” Leonard says before closing the door and getting into the driver’s seat. 

You look at Walton and can’t help but smile back at him, “Who says I am going to hang out with you more.” 

Walton chuckles, taking his glasses off to look at you, “We will have to see about that.” 

You’re both sitting on opposite sides of a bench seat, but his hand finds yours and you don’t pull away. He talks about walking along the seawalls and a lazy Sunday spent indoors reading novels. You really wished you had been a bit more willing to spend the weekend with him. Somehow you end up telling him about your sketches and artwork. Your thoughts about one day doing prop creation, or maybe special effects. He asks about the sketches and you promise to bring one of your art books in. 

The ride is way too quick, and before you know it you’re being dropped off at your trailer. You thank both men again for the ride and hop into the trailer. 

Liz is sitting in your usual workspace, her face is a tight line that makes you feel sick. Why she was there was another question, the whole crew was supposed to three cities over setting up. 

“Hey, Liz,” You say, trying not to sound like you just walked into a swamp full of alligators.

“Of all the people, I would have expected you to be the most professional.” Your heart thuds in your chest at the words, wondering what the hell she is talking about. 

Sitting your bag down by your cupboard you turn to look at the women. “I am sorry?” 

“You think people didn’t see you leaving with the leading actor on Friday?” The woman sneers at you, her voice low but full of venom.

You put two and two together suddenly realizing what Liz was talking about. For a moment you’re stunned by the fact that the rumor mill had run so fast and far. “He was just making sure I got home safe.”

“Oh give me a break.” The woman hisses, your heart pounding in your ears now. Chest tight making it hard to breathe. “No one is that stupid girl. I saw you get out of the his SUV”

Your face goes red and something inside of you snaps. “First. Do not speak to me like I am a child.” You're angry now, and you’re so over the bullshit. “Second, what happens in my personal life is none of your business.”

“You think it looks professional to be running around after some actor?” She spits back, and your mind races to the rumor Trevor had told you about. 

“Well, it can’t be any less professional than you sleeping with half the production team.” The words come out of your mouth before you register them. It was only a rumor, but Trevor rarely dabbled in things that weren’t at least partially true. 

“You little witch.” Liz’s face is now red and she looks hurt. Yep, Trevor had hit the nail on the head with that one. “I should fire you right now.”

You glare at her, all your inhibitions set aside, you know you have the upper hand here.  “Go ahead, Liz. Fire me. See how well that goes over for you.”

Liz’s face clenches and you can tell you have her cornered. Yes, she could fire you and could make a big stink, but chances are the production won’t sanction it. Not to mention the union would have a fit. You would make sure of that. It wasn’t something you wanted to do, but damn, two could play at this game. 

“You-” Liz hisses standing and moving toward you, but you refuse to move, letting the woman get up in your face. “I will be grabbing some of my product and leaving you for the rest of the week. I hope it goes well.” 

She is gone with a blue tote a moment later. You are left standing in the middle of the trailer taken off guard. The fact that she’d come here, heard from a third party what had happened, and then decided to confront you. Part of you wants to cry and the other part wants to laugh. The most you’ve done with the man is hold his hand and everyone thinks you both were screwing over the weekend. You slide into your chair still a little baffled by the incident, not to mention that Liz would even suggest firing you. Your stomach rolls and you feel a little sick, tears now welling at the corner of your eyes. 

The door opens and you expect Trevor but it's Walton. The smile on his face falls immediately as he sees you.

“What happened?” He asked, quickly shutting the door, placing a breakfast burrito and two coffees on your station.

You shake your head and tears fall from your eyes. Hands covering your mouth as a small sob comes out. The rollercoaster of a morning is finally getting to you. Walton is in front of you gathering you up in his arms. He is warm and gentle, you try not to let the emotions overflow but it's too late. Leaning against him you cry. He smelled like coffee and vanilla, his jacket was soft against your cheek. Strong arms holding you against him as all your feelings spill out. You let yourself cry for a moment before you steel yourself enough to pull back. He's handing you tissues and you plunk yourself back into the chair feeling worn out and dazed.  Walton crouched in front of you eyebrows furrowed as you blew your nose. His hand landing gently on your knees as he comforts you. 

“What's going on Hon?” He asks as he rubs a soothing hand over your knee.

“It's -” You falter, unsure of how to explain the absolute bullshit that just happened. “Liz was upset about me going out on Friday”

Walton looks even more confused. “Why would that matter?” 

You rub your face trying to figure out how to say this. The amount of bullshit that happened was just ridiculous and you really didn’t want to drag him into it. Ultimately, you just say it cause there isn't a way around it. 

“Someone saw the two of us leave together.” You swallow your mouth going dry. “Liz made assumptions and told me I was being unprofessional. She threatened to fire me.”

Walton stands grabs his coffee and takes a sip. “I am not sure how that is any of her business. You've been very professional, and being fired would be detrimental to the whole process. You are a key part of this team, and her sticking her nose in your business is more unprofessional ” 

You just shrug, if you could go curl up in a ball for an hour you would. Just hide away, you can barely look at him. Shame hitting you at the fact you’d lost your cool over something so trivial. 

“It was just unexpected. And very hurtful.” You wipe your eyes, cursing that you need to reapply to your eyeliner. 

“Of course it was.” He comes back over and grabs your hand in his. They are always so warm. “You don't deserve to be spoken to like that. I am tempted to mention this to the PM.”

You shake your head looking at him finally. “It’s not the worst thing that's been said to me. Liz means well.”

Whether that was true or not was up in the air. Liz was a lot of things but she usually wasn’t unnecessarily cruel, which is why it had come off so shocking. The woman didn’t exactly have a way with words, but she had to have meant well.

“She means well?” He looks at you with eyebrows raised, his lips pressed into a firm line. Judging by his expression Walton didn’t believe that any more than you did. 

You swallow, “I- I need to have thick skin to do this job. It's not easy and people are always going to look for ways to judge me or demean my work.”

Walton squeezed your hand, “That may be true. But it doesn't mean I have to like it.”

The door to the trailer opens as Trevor walks in. His eyes look between both of you and then down to where Walton is holding your hand.

“Uhh, I will go wait outside..” Trevor flushes trying unsuccessfully to back himself down the steps. 

“No, it's okay.” You both say. 

Trevor pauses. Then proceeds to come in. Walton rubs his thumb over your hand before letting go. You wish he would stay, but there really wasn’t time for any more sappiness. 

“I am going to head over to costumes. They needed to do some alteration on a piece.” Walton says briskly grabbing his coffee and sliding the burrito across to you. He's out the door before you can say thank you.

Trevor is sitting there with a shit-eating grin, his feet dangling as he watches Walton go.

“So you aren't dating?” He chuckles, turning to lay out his tools. 

You groan, looking in the mirror to fix your eyeliner and clean off some fallen mascara, “He was being kind. Liz was here this morning. Guess someone told her about me leaving with Walt on Friday.”

Trevor's smile fades as he looks at you, “Those milling bastards.”

“Yep. Liz was unimpressed and threatened to fire me.”

“She wouldn't.” He all but stomped his foot. 

“Well, I am sure I will find out in the next few days.” You pray to whoever is up there that Liz would just leave it be. 

“Liz is many things. But she isn't stupid. Firing you would be more of a problem than it's worth.” You knew Trevor was right, but it did sting a little. 

“You're more than likely right. But it still hurts. Walton came in right after the argument and I will-” You look down at your feet remembering how upset he looked. 

“Had a small breakdown?” Trevor added in, trying to look at you.

“Yeah. Snot and all” You sigh as you double-check that everything you need is out and clean. 

“You should go out with him just to spit Liz.” He chuckles as he texts someone on his phone.

“If. And it's a big if. Trevor, I am going out with him. It's because we both want to. Not because of Liz.” You say firmly, that woman would not dictate your life. 

Trevor looks up from his phone.”Two weeks, three weeks, top before you are making his trailer shake”

You make a face, “You're disgusting.”

“You like it!” Trevor smiles, and you do. It was part of his never-ending charm. 

***

Chapter five

*So so much love to every one of you <3*

*If you want to be tagged in the next chapters please let me know*

[candycandy00]

Roses in the Sky - An Original Alien x Reader Story Part 9

In a future where humanity huddles in decaying domed cities controlled by alien invaders, you and your best friend Anna work as make-shift nurses in a tiny clinic run by the young doctor Terrian. The city is ruled by the aliens' violent, half-breed offspring who serve as brutal overseers. You and Anna have always tried to avoid these overseers at all cost, but your life is changed when one of those same terrifying offspring is brought into the clinic, injured and unconscious.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

This is an original Alien (well half alien) x Fem Reader story! I hope everyone who enjoys my fanfiction will give this a shot! I’m posting the first chapter just to check for interest. Any feedback whatsoever would be loved! I’ve already written this story so it’s not going to delay my fanfics. Just thought I might post chapters of this between fanfics if anyone is interested.

Slow burn, as this is a novel-length story, but there will be smut in later chapters! Also: violence, blood, rape attempts, death of side characters, etc.

Work at Terrian's house the next day was awkward and slow. Anna was obviously still upset over Nariah, and Terrian flitted around nervously, making pathetic and desperate attempts to get Anna to talk to him.

"Look, girls! I'm breaking out the steak reserves for lunch today!" he called at one point, holding up two large slabs of frozen meat.

Steak was Anna's favorite. She had looked up then, apparently tempted to say something, but she held her tongue and continued dusting.

You waited until Terrian stepped out of the room, then turned to Anna. "How long are you going to keep this up? He already apologized."

Anna looked down. "I know. I'm not really angry at him anymore. I just don't know what to say to him. Yesterday I admitted for the first time that I'm in love with him. Now I feel insecure around him."

"Well you're not making any progress like this. Just act like you did before. He's worried sick right now."

"Are you making progress with Vartan?" Anna asked suddenly.

You were caught off guard by the question. You stumbled over your words for a moment before nearly choking out a quiet, "Sort of."

Anna grinned. "Oh really? Are you sleeping with him already?"

"Of course not! I made him a bologna sandwich, okay?"

"Whatever you say," Anna laughed, nudging you with her elbow.

Terrian's doorbell rang loudly through the hall. You laid down your dusting rag and stood up, straightening the too-short skirt of your maid uniform and making your way to the door. You sighed as you pulled it open. "Yes, can I help-“

You were immediately silenced when you realized the person standing on Terrian's doorstep was a male half-breed with silver chin-length hair that framed his pale face. His narrow eyes were ice-blue and a strange shade of violet that you had never seen before, not even on a half-breed.

"A doctor lives here, correct?" His voice was lighter than Vartan's.

You weren’t sure how to answer. What if Terrian had gotten into trouble somehow? Perhaps confirming his location wasn't a good idea. "Um... I..."

The half-breed leaned in close. "This is important. Tell the doctor to come and examine my..." He stopped there, as if he had no idea how to finish the statement. He glanced back, and you noticed the thin young woman standing behind him. She was very clearly human, and her face, while pretty, was darkened by visible sadness.

"Is she sick?" you asked.

The half-breed took the woman's hand and gently, too gently for a half-breed, pulled her closer to the door. "She needs medical attention, yes."

You stepped aside. "Come on in. I'll get the doctor." You led them through the hall and to the living room, shrugging at a very shocked Anna on the way. The couple sat down on the couch as you ran to fetch Terrian.

You and Anna followed Terrian back into the living room and stood on either side of him. The woman introduced herself as Sophie. 

"I'm pregnant," she said, quietly but bluntly.

You stifled a gasp. Terrian's face lit up. "You are? That's amazing! Pregnancies are so rare. You must be immune to the chemicals in the water."

Sophie did not share his enthusiasm. "I didn't believe it at first. I missed a couple of periods and then a friend gave me an old pregnancy test to try. After that, I still didn't believe. Then Keon gave me a Pagoda test, and it came back positive. He says there's no way it can be wrong."

You noticed that Sophie seemed so sad. Her voice sounded as if it was threatening to break at any moment.

"So, do you want me to monitor the pregnancy then?" Terrian asked.

"No," the half-breed spoke up, "we want you to terminate it."

The smile Terrian had been wearing dissolved. "What?"

"You are capable of terminating the pregnancy, are you not?" the half-breed asked.

Terrian looked directly at Sophie. "Is this what you want to do?"

The half-breed opened his mouth, but Sophie put a hand on his arm. "Please, Keon," she said weakly, "let me talk to him. I'll explain."

The half-breed, Keon, looked at her with a flash of anger in his eyes.

Sophie didn't move her hand. "Please," she repeated, and Keon stood up. He walked out of the living room and closed the door behind him. You had never seen a half-breed do as a human asked before. Well, not besides Vartan.

"Keon is the father, as you've probably guessed," Sophie began, her voice still shaky. "We met three years ago. He showed up at my door one day out of the blue, with a proposition.”

“A proposition?” Anna asked. 

Sophie nodded. “Apparently some half breeds make arrangements with specific humans. They offer protection from the other half breeds, and in exchange the humans satisfy their needs. It’s a mutual arrangement, or at least ours is. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d refused. But I agreed to the terms, and I’ve been able to walk through the city without fear. They call it ‘claiming’. I’ve been claimed by Keon, so no other half breed will touch me.”

Your heart was beating fast as the words sank into your brain. Half-breeds could choose specific humans? Other half-breeds would stay away? Was that what Vartan had done to you?

"It's not so bad," Sophie continued. "Keon has always been relatively gentle with me. But now..." Her voice trailed off as she looked down at her own stomach.

"So he doesn't want his pet to have a baby?" Anna asked with a tinge of venom in her voice.

Sophie chuckled bitterly. "He was so furious and disgusted that I thought he would kill me."

Anna's face was turning red, her hatred for the half-breeds boiling beneath her skin.

"But he didn't kill me," Sophie went on, "Instead he started frantically asking around for a human doctor. One of the other half-breeds apparently told him about a clinic they had shut down, and that they had heard the doctor survived. That's when he told me I have to have an abortion."

"But why?" you asked.

Sophie met your eyes, and you could almost see the agony and rage festering there, held back by her quiet sorrow. "The half-breeds are forbidden to breed, at all. If the Pagoda were to find out I'm pregnant, they would execute Keon and myself immediately. The baby would die anyway. If we somehow managed to hide the pregnancy until the child was born, the Pagoda would give it a gruesome death if they ever found it. We would have to live in constant fear. Keon said that we should end it now, before..." Her voice finally broke, and tears streamed down her face. "Before we... grow to care for the child," she finished.

Terrian stood up. "Alright, I understand. I can examine you in one of the guest rooms and make preparations."

Sophie nodded. "Thank you, doctor. Please just give me a moment."

"Of course," Terrian told her. "My nurses will help you when you're ready."

He left the room. You and Anna began to follow him out, eager to give the woman privacy while she regained her composure. "It's not fair, is it?" she asked, and you stopped to look back at her. Sophie’s eyes were red from crying and her hands were shaking. "It's a miracle, that I'm immune to the chemicals, that I can give birth. It's my miracle but... I have to kill it." She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

Keon, who had been waiting patiently in the hall, walked into the living room and sat down beside Sophie. He stared at her wordlessly, and you saw a faint hint of pain in his face. He looked as if he wanted to reach out to the trembling woman beside him, to comfort her, but his hands remained stiffly by his sides. You found it sad that he had been sleeping with the woman for three years, yet he had no idea how to hold her.

Terrian examined Sophie several minutes later, and afterward told her to come back in two days for the procedure to end the pregnancy. He had to gather up the tools and medicines needed to ensure her safety. The couple thanked him and left, leaving the rest of the day clear for you and Anna to finish your cleaning duties.

Two hours of mopping and dusting later, Anna disappeared. You searched the kitchen, hall, and three rooms before hearing voices coming from behind one of the bedroom doors on the second floor. You pressed your ear against the door and listened.

"I'm not angry with you," you heard Anna say. "It's not your fault that Terrian kept you a secret."

"But my presence bothers you," Nariah's lovely voice responded.

"Well, I'm still getting used to... your kind."

"Don't worry," Nariah said, "you're certainly not the first human to regard me with fear and unease." Anna said nothing in response, and after a brief pause, Nariah spoke again. "Did you know that half-breeds are not allowed to meet their human parents?"

Anna must have shaken her head, because Nariah went on. "Most often, the human parents are executed shortly after the birth of the half-breed. But sometimes, very rarely, the human is kept alive if the offspring is viewed as exceptional by the Pagoda, for further breeding. I do not understand what their standards are, or how they determine such things, but I was considered one of these 'exceptional offspring'. My human mother was kept alive for three years after she gave birth to me."

You could hear Anna's breath hitch as she gave a small gasp. "You met her, didn't you?"

"Yes," Nariah said softly, "I did. One of the other half-breeds told me where to find her, probably more out of malice than of kindness. I searched the Tower, my curiosity overpowering my sense of obedience to the Pagoda. We half-breeds were forbidden from visiting the breeding and containment rooms, you see. But I found her, huddled in a metal contraption that looked like a cage. She looked so much like me, I knew in an instant that she was indeed my mother."

There was another pause, then Anna finally asked, "What happened?"

"I approached the cage, my heart pounding, and looked her in the eyes. At that moment, I called her 'mother'. I don't know why. We were never taught to use such sentimental terms, and I had only heard the word on the lips of the humans in the city. Maybe it was some buried human instinct. Regardless, she had heard me, and she screamed in terror. She recoiled from me until her back hit the other side of the cage. I was... repulsive to her."

Tears formed in your eyes as you listened outside the door. Anna remained silent.

When Nariah continued, her beautiful voice was slightly darker. "My mother began shrieking, 'Get it away from me! Get that monster away!' and she wouldn't stop until a Pagoda, my father, appeared behind her with a blade in his hand. He reached in between the metal bars and slit her throat, silencing her. She died in the cage, still looking at me with horror in her eyes."

For several minutes, the room was quiet and you heard nothing. Then footsteps abruptly headed toward the door and it slid open. Anna walked out of the room, her face red and puffy. She had been crying. "Oh, hey," she said when she noticed the hall wasn't empty.

"Sorry, I listened in," you told her, wiping your own eyes.

"It's alright. How much did you hear?"

"The story about her mom. That was awful. How could someone be afraid of their own child? And Nariah was only three at the time, right? How could she be scary?"

"Oh, so you didn't hear about the age thing," Anna said.

"What age thing?"

Anna smiled, the redness in her face dissipating. "Nariah is only fourteen years old."

"No way!" you said, a little too loud. Nariah looked at least twenty.

"I'm serious. She said half-breeds age a lot quicker than humans until they reach maturity. Then the process slows down to a crawl. So when she was three, she might have looked ten."

"Whoa, that's crazy. I guess we were wrong about her relationship with Terrian then.”

Anna's smile grew broader. "Yeah, she didn't know how to describe it, because she doesn't have anything to compare it to, but I think he treats her like a sister from everything she told me."

You smiled too. "That's great, Anna!"

They finished the chores, both in a slightly better mood. Anna was on speaking terms with Terrian again, waving and saying goodbye as she left. He was so happy he nearly cried, and you laughed as you headed out the door.

When you reached the door of your apartment, you wondered whether Vartan would still be there. You kept reminding yourself that he could leave at any moment without warning. With more than a little apprehension, you stepped inside.

Clearly visible from the door, Vartan was lying across the couch, fast asleep. You took a blanket from a nearby chair and spread it over his body. You turned out the lamp on the table next to him and leaned down.

"Goodnight," you whispered, then smiled as you walked to your own room and went to bed.

Tag List:

@scrumptiouslampwobblercop

If you’d like to be tagged in future parts, let me know!

[singularattitudeofasafetypin]

If you wanted me, you really should've showed

Masterlist

Summary: Eddie is head over heels for Reader but there’s one slight problem. Her boyfriend, Adam. Despite this, Eddie tries to settle for being a good friend instead but when Adam gets possessive, Reader has to figure out what she really wants out of a relationship.

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Bullying, insecurity, controlling mildly threatening boyfriend.

A/N - Inspired by this scene from the Princess Diaries II, and a song my dad listens to that I don’t know the name of. I had fun with this one, I hope you enjoy it!

Please don’t steal my work

It was no secret. Eddie Munson was in love with you!

He wasn't shy about showing it either. Many a weekly rant on social conformity was interrupted to proclaim you the prettiest, cleverest girl in Hawkins, always accompanied by a deep bow and a dazzling smile. He held every door for you with that same love-sick smile plastered across his face. Handwritten notes and slightly crumpled flowers were a common occurrence but never failed to bring a rosy blush to your cheeks. Head over heels was an understatement.

There was just one small problem.

'Hey- I uh… I was thinking… maybe we could go out tonight?' Having run the length of the hall to catch up with you, Eddie struggled to keep his breathing steady. At least he told himself that was why. His arms were folded to keep his hands from shaking. He’d been psyching himself up for this all week! 'There's this new milkshake place opened at mall and then I thought we could watch a movie together or something. Kind of like a date? But it doesn't have to be if you don't want!' He garbled the rest, cheeks bright red and his voice quavering slightly.

Your face fell, heart aching with the answer you had to give him. 'Oh Eddie,' the least you could do was make it easy for him, 'I'm so sorry, but I-'

'Hey babe!'

An arm slung around your shoulders and your boyfriend pulled you in for a kiss. He shot a dirty look at Eddie when you broke. 'I was coming Adam,’ you reassured. 'I was just...' you looked back at Eddie with apology written in your expression.

His eyes flicked between you, taking in the green jacket emblazoned with a tiger Adam wore. It didn’t take long to put two and two together. 'You know what? Don't worry about it!' he tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes and he stumbled over his words. 'I'll see you round!' And with that, he spun on his heel and walked quickly away.

'Was that freak bothering you?' Adam demanded. He didn’t care that Eddie was still within earshot.

'Don’t call him that!' you frowned, an awkward sensation twisting in your tummy. 'We were just talking!'

Adam shrugged, ignoring your reproach and steering you in the opposite direction. He chattered on about the next big game and the huge afterparty that was planned. You nodded and agreed at intervals but his words washed over you.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the heartbroken look Eddie had been unable to hide.

*

You didn’t stop thinking about it all weekend!

He'd looked so crushed. There wasn’t anything else you could have said but still, you'd have liked to let him down a little more gently.

Walking into school on Monday, you were greeted by cheerleaders coming out of practice, a novel experience for you. Since Adam had asked you out, the cheerleaders had started paying you more attention than you liked. They were friendly, you supposed, but it didn’t feel genuine. Before Adam noticed you, you were a nobody. You belonged to no particular group and didn’t have many friends. Now all of a sudden, they cared? They treated you more like a pet. The poor, ill-fated girl lucky enough to be made holy by the hands of the basketball team. Still, you couldn’t help but feel obliged to them.

You made your way to your locker as they trailed behind, gossiping amongst themselves. You fiddled with the combination and felt a pang of disappointment. There would be no note from Eddie this morning. Until they were gone, you hadn’t realised how much you relied on them. Perhaps it was selfish but those few scribbled words of encouragement had always brightened an otherwise cloudy day.

It was to your surprise then, as you opened it, a carefully folded piece of paper tumbled out and fluttered to the floor. You recognised the familiar spiky scrawl instantly. Eddie's handwriting traumatised his teachers but you could read it like a second language.

Unbeknownst to you, Eddie watched from across the hall. He smiled to himself as your lips curved softly upwards. Of course, you had a boyfriend! He'd been stupid to think you wouldn’t! At least he knew he hadn’t screwed things up between you by being foolish.

'The world is lucky to have someone as tender hearted as you!'

You folded the note carefully, moving to tuck into your bag when a sharp, shrill voice startled you.

'That freak isn’t still harassing you, is he?'

Jessica Vaughn, captain of the cheer squad and self-proclaimed Queen of Hawkins High sported a look of pure disgust, 'Doesn’t he know you have a boyfriend?'

Your skin crawled at the cruel insult uttered so casually. 'He knows,' you mumbled, ducking your head and clenching the note protectively in your fist.

'Oh honey!' a fit of giggled ensued, 'He must think he can win you over or something!'

A few of her friends joined in, their voices dripping with faux sympathy and disgust interchangeably.

'Oh, you poor thing!'

'As if you'd ever choose him over a member of the basketball team!'

'You shouldn’t lead him on,' one advised, 'He might get the wrong idea!'

'Yes, you shouldn’t let him think he's got a chance!' Jessica giggled at the thought as the bell rung. Nobody saw you wince at their words.

You made your way to homeroom in silence, letting the crowd pull you along while you tried to make sense of your predicament. Sure, you weren’t about to dump Adam, but for all their cruelty and arrogance, they were right about one thing. You shouldn’t lead him on.

It wasn’t fair.

You made up your mind to talk to him in English. The two of you sat next to each other in the back, but how to say it consumed your thoughts all day.

'Hey, Eddie?' you whispered, keeping an eye on Mr Boushebel so as not to get caught. Eddie looked over the moment he heard your voice, his adoring smile unknowingly twisting the knot in your stomach tighter.

'Yeah?'

'I want to say thanks... for the note this morning! Thank you for all of them really...'

'You're welcome!' he beamed like nothing had changed.

You sighed and grimaced. Why did he have to make this harder? 'It's just, I'm with Adam and that's probably not gonna change anytime soon... and I don't want you to think I'm leading you on or anything-!'

'I don’t think that!' the swiftness of his reply caught you by surprise, and so did the honest reassurance in his eyes. 'Look,' he leaned closer, keeping his voice low as he fiddled with the silver rings adorning his fingers, 'I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable the other day. I'd really like to stay friends if that's okay with you?'

'Oh no! You didn’t...'

'Mr Munson!' Mr Boushebel’s nasal voice rang clear through the room, 'Kindly refrain from distracting your peers and focus on the lesson at hand!'

Eddie made a show of apologising earning a disapproving eyeroll as the teacher turned back to the board. You couldn’t help but laugh as he rolled his own eyes, slumping back in his seat, but behind his antics, he was still waiting for an answer.

'Yes,' you whispered and Eddie's smile softened. ‘It’s okay!’

*

More or less, things went on as they had.

Maybe it was selfish, the relief you felt? You weren't infallible; the attention was nice. A nice change. You contented yourself with the fact you'd been honest with him. He knew where he stood, if he still wanted to be kind to you, who were you to stop him?

Whether you admitted it or not though, things were different now. You hadn’t exactly bandied it about before, but now you found yourself taking care the girls you were supposed to call friends didn’t know about the continued affections you received from Eddie. You took to pressing the flowers he gave in the back of your notebook instead of threading them through your hair or the buttonholes of your cardigan. Instead of drinking in the thoughtful compliments he wrote, you stuffed them into your pocket, waiting until you were alone to read them and feel your heart lift.

If Eddie noticed these small deceptions, it didn’t deter him. Every morning, without fail, you were met with a posy of handpicked wildflowers and a few heartfelt lines observing some hidden jewel of your character.

Some of them bordered on poetry.

*

Things weren't exactly unhappy with Adam. Unsure perhaps? Indefinite?

To tell the truth, he was your first real relationship; you were still getting to grips with exactly what that meant. Everyone else seemed to understand. Why couldn’t you?

Most of the jocks and cheerleaders you sat alongside were paired up together. It was rare for them to venture outside of their group for a partner; you were an exception so you tried to follow their example.

Frankie was always perched on Chase’s lap, her arms around his neck, fingers trailing along his collarbone while his rested on her waist. That felt a little bold for you but you tried to sit as close as possible, opting to rest your cheek on his shoulder but he didn’t seem to notice.

Every time you saw Becky, she and Ryan were locked in conversation. What they spoke about was a mystery to you but both seemed to be consumed. As the general chatter lulled, you took the chance to try the new approach.

‘I’ve been reading this really lovely book Adam! It’s called Little Women and-!’

‘Wow, boring much?’ Jimmy Davis cut you off without a second thought. ‘You aren’t gonna bring all that nerd stuff over here, are you?’

You couldn’t speak. With a simple look, all the confidence was knocked out of you. He turned to Adam and laughed, ‘Next thing you know, she’ll be bringing her homework to lunch!’

Tears pricked in your eyes as Adam laughed along with him. Their discourse resumed like nothing had happened. You blinked them away. No one saw.

Jessica and Tony were all over each other. Making out in the hallways, feet touching in the aisles of the classroom. His hand always seemed to be somewhere near the hem of her skirt. It was still early in your relationship and you weren’t completely sure you wanted that yet, but it was worth a try. You tried to reach out, to shower him in affection the way the other girls did but almost every time he brushed you off. Pulled away and scowled as though you were inconveniencing him.

So instead, you fell silent. Ate your lunch with your head down and gave affirmative answers when a question was asked. They took no notice.

Your eyes tended to wander over the other tables; people-watching had become a habit during lonely lunchtimes. More and more often, you gaze came to rest on Hellfire. They were always animated and lively, often talking over each other in their excitement but never leaving any member out.

Unconsciously, your attention was drawn to their leader. He was no stranger to conversing loudly himself but you noticed how quickly he stopped to listen. The way a brotherly fondness fell over his features whenever one of the younger ones spoke and he sat forward to hang onto their words.

Perhaps that day a kindly angel was looking out for you. As you stared over at them, your head propped up in your hands, something made Eddie turn his head and his eyes met yours. Under anyone else’s gaze, you would have looked away quickly, pretending to find interest in the floor but you didn’t. He offered a soft smile and, in that moment the world blurred around you. It was like there was no one else in the room. Instantly you felt better, heart lighter. You couldn’t help but smile back at the silent reminder you weren’t alone.

‘Helloo?’ Jessica waved her hand in front of your face, breaking the spell and bringing you crashing back down to earth. The whole table was staring at you, teasing smirks warping at many mouths. ‘What’s the matter with you?’

You tried to brush them off, forcing yourself to shrug despite the heat burning in your cheeks. ‘Nothing, sorry, what were you saying?’

Frankie was looking behind her, craning her neck to see what you’d been staring at then leaned in close with an expression of sordid delight on her face, ‘You aren’t sweet on the freak are you?’

‘What? No!’ you protested as they erupted into giggles. ‘I was just daydreaming that’s all!’

‘Is he still sending you love letters?’ Jessica asked through hysterical tears.

Adam pricked up at this, ‘What?’ His expression turned from confusion to anger in a matter of seconds. Jessica stopped laughing.

‘You didn’t know?’

‘It’s nothing, I promise!’ you hurried to explain, guilt nagging in your tummy as you downplayed your interactions to reassure him. Your account seemed to assuage him and soon he too fell to teasing you while you tried to laugh along.

*

After lunch, you walked with Adam to class. His arm seemed tighter around your shoulders than normal; it was probably just your imagination. As he dropped you off at your classroom, one of his friends piped up, ‘We’re still on for extra practice tonight, right?’

The boys all replied to the affirmative and surprise hit you when Adam joined them. ‘I’ll be there!’

‘But I thought we were going out tonight? We planned it a week ago!’ you’d caught his hand but he only shrugged, pulling out of your reach.

‘Sorry babe! We can do it next week or whatever!’

‘Adam, you said you’d take me home tonight!’ Your house was an hour’s walk away.

He was losing patience now, ‘Just wait around!’ he snapped, ‘I’ll take you after practice! It’s not that big of a deal!’

And then he walked away.

*

You sat in the hall, back against the lockers and long since abandoned homework laid out in front of you as your eyes devoured the pages of ‘Little Women’ searching for solace. School had ended almost two hours ago. The lights were starting to hurt your head.

Somewhere down the corridor, a door opened and a flurry of excited voices broke the silence.

‘No way did you include a secret passageway!’

‘I did not see that goblin hoard coming!’

‘Can’t wait to see what happens next week Eds!’

The small gaggle passed by and Eddie caught sight of you alone. He quickly excused himself, promising more plot-twists and epic battles before making his way over.

‘Hey! How come you’re still here?’

You brightened instinctively at the sound of his voice. ‘Adam had extra practice,’ you explained. A look of impatience flashed across his face. Just for a moment, then it was gone. Eddie stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled.

‘Well, Hellfire’s done now; do you want a lift home?’

You hesitated. You did, you really did, but Adam would go ballistic if he found out. ‘It’s okay, he won’t be too long!’ You hoped.

Eddie nodded, sitting down beside you, ‘Can I wait with you then? Far be it from me to abandon a fair damsel to solitude!’

You nodded, laughing along at the funny voice he put on. You had no idea how glad Eddie was to make you smile; his eyes never left your face. Sunshine seemed to spill from every pour.

‘Tell me about your book!’ he requested, tucking his legs up and settling back against the lockers.

Forty minutes later, the doors to the gym swung open. Perhaps practice had gone badly. Perhaps he’d missed the last shot or coach had been especially tough that night. Adam had forgotten all about the teasing at lunchtime but when he rounded the corner and saw you sitting with Eddie Munson, when he saw him making you laugh and smile, it all came flooding back. Harmless jokes transformed to threat and trespass. You never smiled like that for him. Pride gave way to rage.

‘Back off Munson!’

His voice made you flinch. Eddie jumped up, taking a step back as Adam barrelled down the hall, spitting venom. He was angrier than you’d ever seen him. You stumbled to your feet, stepping in front of your boyfriend, hands stretched out, hoping to calm him down.

‘Adam, what are you-?’ he caught you, his hand sealing around your upper arm and jabbing a finger at Eddie.

‘She’s my girlfriend, freak! You stay the hell away from her!’ His fingers were so tight they began to bruise your arm. You tried in vain to subdue his fury but that only seemed to rile him more. ‘Crawl back to your trailer where you belong, trash!’

Eddie stood silent; his mouth half open like he wanted to say something but thought better of it. He glanced at you, a wordless apology heavy in his eyes, then walked away without a fight.

You breathed out.

Adam glared after him ‘til he was out of sight before he released you and stormed off in the other direction. For a split second, your heart was torn. Then you scrambled to pick up your things, stuffing them into your bag and running after him.

‘What the hell was that?’ The cold night air hit your face as the double doors swung shut behind you. Adam scoffed at the question but didn’t stop. ‘Why are you being so mean?’

‘What was he doing near you!’ the fury in his tone made you falter. He’d never sounded so cross.

‘Nothing!’ you were nearing the car. Clutching the bag on your shoulder, you stumbled over to the passenger side. ‘He just asked if I needed a ride and we were talking! That’s all!’

‘No! He’s trying to get it on with you!’ Adam jabbed a finger in your direction as he yanked the door open.

You almost laughed at the accusation, following suite and throwing your bag in the footwell, ‘Don’t be ridiculous! He was just being nice!’ He pulled his own door closed with a slam. ‘You don’t have to get so jealous!’

‘Jealous?’ That was the wrong thing to say! Adam was seething, ‘Of him? Of that freak?’

‘Look, Adam, I’m with you! It’s harmless, I promise!’ your own anger sparked, ‘Why don’t you trust me?’

He wasn’t listening. ‘You tell him to knock it off or I will!’

You hesitated. The look in his eyes was one you’d never seen before. Something like fear stirred in your chest. No, not fear! You pushed that thought away, he was your boyfriend, he wasn’t going to hurt you! But in the same second, you realised who he would hurt.

You swallowed, as he backed out of the parking lot faster than normal. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tight they turned white.

Neither of you said a word on the way home.

*

‘I’m sorry Eddie-!’

‘You don’t have to be sorry!’

The sounds of the cafeteria echoed down the deserted hall. Eddie sighed deeply, ‘I’m sorry!’

He knew this would happen eventually. He should have left you alone the moment he found out you had a boyfriend. Sure, it would have hurt, been unbearable even, but now you were mixed up in it all too. Now you would have to untangle the mess he’d made; manage the tempers he had riled.

‘It’s okay,’ you gave him a small smile, ‘You’ve been so kind. I’m grateful, really!’ You paused, ‘I just… I know what he’s like and I really don’t want you to get hurt!’

He smiled wryly. Eddie knew what the basketball team were like too and while he’d gladly withstand any punishment they decided to inflict, he didn’t want to cause you more pain than he already had. The time for dreaming was done. He nodded and left with all the grace and pleasantries he’d always afforded you.

He hoped you didn’t see the heartbreak in his eyes.

*

Life went on.

Gone were the notes and trinkets in your locker. No longer brightened by secret smiles and whispered compliments, the world turned grey.

You tried to pretend as if nothing had happened. As if clouds hadn’t blocked out the sun, as if all its warmth hadn’t drained away. He was never uncivil, never unkind, but now the two of you existed on different plains. Without Eddie, a gaping hole had been left behind and now you had to find something to fill it with.

Constant surveillance became the norm. It seemed Adam was always watching you somehow. From the corner of his eye at lunch, one of his teammates moving next to you in a lesson, or a cheerleader looping her arm through yours.

Try as you might, in the beginning you couldn’t help looking up when Eddie walked in. He hardly ever ate in the cafeteria anymore and when he did, he was silent. Picking at his food while his friends tried to pick up the pieces on their own.

Adam was quick to notice and settle an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer and shooting a look which told you his patience was wearing thin.

You tried instead to listen to the conversations at your own table. The cycle was endless. Gossip and sports and who was going out with who. Whose social suicide would make the headlines today. It was mind-numbing.

You ought to be grateful really. People dreamed about this life. Popularity, fame, and all the rest of it. You sat among kings and queens, had earned the honour of their interest. Adam had given you all this. Most girls would kill to be in your place. You were indebted to him.

Time went on, each day more soulless than the last.

Adam began to be more affectionate, or at least put on a convincing performance for everyone else. He must have sensed people thought there was trouble in paradise. Doubt would not be tolerated.

It started out as small things. His arm dropped to rest around your waist for instance, holding you snugly against him. Things you might have enjoyed in the beginning, but now you couldn’t shake the idea that he had some ulterior motive.

One day, you were walking down the hallways. Arm in arm, and actually talking for once, only about Adam’s hopes for the basketball season, but it was a start, when out of nowhere, he pushed you up against the lockers and started kissing you with a force. One hand on the side of your neck, tangling itself in your hair and manoeuvring you with ease.

After the shock, you tried to kiss back. Maybe this meant things were alright again? Maybe this meant you were forgiven?

His other hand trailed down your ribs, slipping deftly under the hem of your shirt. ‘Adam, stop!’ You broke away in surprise, pushing on his arm, ‘We’re in school! You protested.

And just like that, he stopped. Turned and carried on walking without explanation. Without a word.

Confusion flooded your mind as you smoothed your shirt and glanced around to see if anyone else had witnessed his strange behaviour. Searching for an answer to such violent yet fleeting passion, you felt your stomach drop at the sight of a familiar leather jacket disappearing around the corner.

‘Oh,’ you thought, guilt and shame burning in your cheeks.

That was why.

*

It was late one Saturday night. Lamplight enveloped your room as you sat alone in the warm, comforting glow. A tangle of emotions weighed on your heart.

You and Adam had argued earlier. These days, it seemed all you did was argue. He’d insisted you come to some big party this evening.

‘I just don’t feel up to it!’

Everyone would be there, but you were tired and really didn’t feel like being around a bunch of drunk teens groping each other while Adam tried to convince you to go and make out upstairs.

‘Why do you have to be so boring?’ he’d complained, ‘It’s just a party!’

‘I’m not going! You go ahead if you want to!’

He’d left in a huff, muttering under his breath and you biked home by yourself. Were relationships supposed to feel like this? You wondered all the way home. You didn’t exactly have a wealth of experience to draw on. Somehow you didn’t think Jessica or the other cheerleaders would give the advice you needed.

Love was hard. So many people had told you that. It’s not like the movies. You sighed; was that all that was wrong? Were your expectations too high?

A tap on the window roused you from your thoughts. You jumped, half thinking you imagined it but there it was again. A sharp, swift tap like something hitting the glass.

Swinging your legs off the bed, you crept over and pulled back the curtain just in time for a third pebble to hit the pane a few inches from your face.

You flinched, then leaned forward, searching the darkened street for the attacker. Shadows and streetlights outlined a figure wincing at the indignation on your face. ‘Sorry!’ they mouthed.

Fond astonishment bubbled up and you pushed the window open. ‘Eddie?’ you whisper-yelled. Were you dreaming?

He beamed up at you, dropping a handful of pebbles and throwing up his hands in defence, ‘I know! I know you said to knock it off, but I have to show you something!’

‘What?’

He motioned, ‘Come down!’

You leaned back into your room and glanced at the clock by your bedside, ‘It’s eleven fifty-one, Eddie!’

‘I know!’ he nodded impatiently, ‘We’re gonna be late!’

You sighed. You really shouldn’t, but one look at his hopeful expression made the decision for you. ‘Alright!’

With many complaints and a few close calls, you climbed down from your window. They definitely made this look easier in the movies! You jumped the last few feet and Eddie grabbed your hand. He’d parked his van a block over and held the door as he helped you in.

‘Where are we going?’ you asked, but he only laughed.

‘You’ll like it! Trust me!’

So, you did.

Eddie drove quickly down the deserted streets, constantly checking his watch. He was expert at maintaining an air of mystery. For once the radio sat silent, limited conversation between the two of you filling the space.

He pulled up on the outskirts of town, stopping at the base of the hill. Weathertop, as it was affectionately nicknamed by the nerds. Eddie hopped out, getting your door. Once you’d jumped down, he rummaged in the back and pulled out a blanket and what looked like three couch cushions. At your obvious confusion, he flashed a smile, shifting the bundle in his arms so he could offer his hand.

‘Come on!’

The climb was steep, almost pitch black away from the houses and streetlights. Your only guide was the vague silhouette in front of you, hiking with a spring in his step and leading with the warmth of his touch. Nervous excitement mingled with curiosity.

What was his game?

‘There!’ Eddie flapped the blanket, spreading it on the summit and arranging the cushions with meticulous care. He nodded his head expectantly.

‘What?’ a bemused smirk preceded a hesitant giggle at his antics.

‘Sit down!’

You sat, tucking your legs and waiting eagerly. Eddie’s eyes were fixed on his watch, his fingers crossed behind his back as you stared at him.

‘Three… Two… Look up! Now!’

Your head jerked upward; adrenaline triggered by his frantic tone.

But nothing happened.

Puzzlement seeped in. It was a pretty night, beautiful even. Away from civilisation, the stars were a little brighter than normal, the moon full and ghostly full but that was all.

‘Come on… Come on!’ Eddie bounced on his heels, praying silently and trying not to lose hope. Just this once! Let me have this one!

You sighed, gaze falling back to him, ‘Edward Munson, if you’ve brought me out here for nothing-!’

‘No, look! Look now!’

He pointed.

You followed.

And all the breath left your lungs.

Out of the darkness, out of the midnight sky came streaks of bursting light. First one, then another, and another. Then a thousand!

Slicing through the firmament like papercuts, drawing bright white blood then fading to nothing.

You shot to your feet, craning your neck as far as you could and laughing in pure, open-mouthed delight!

They kept on coming! Daubing the night with silver and pearl for almost five minutes before the flow stemmed as suddenly as it had begun. Starlight faded leaving you in darkness, breathless with awe.

You looked back at Eddie. A crescent smile stretched over his face, ‘Did you like it?’

‘Like it?’

You laughed, giddy and weak at the knees. You stumbled closer and threw your arms around him, ‘Eddie, that was wonderful! Wonderful!’

He laughed with you, hugging you as the sound reverberated through his chest. Then as if a switch had been flipped, he pulled back, suddenly apprehensive. ‘There uh… There might be some more,’ he said, rubbing the back of his neck, ‘… If you wanna wait, I know it’s late!’

You beamed, ‘I want to stay out here all night!’

He smiled.

Side by side, in the comfort of the cushions and each other’s company, you watched the night sky as its contents danced and glittered. Between showers of falling stars, you laughed and talked with ease, cutting each other off with a yelp of excitement when more appeared.

Somewhere around two am, you glanced back at Eddie. It took everything in you not to gasp.

The bright stars sparkled in the reflection of his eyes. Twinkling and shining an endless brown nebula with some with some ethereal power. There was a whole universe inside of him and you got to catch a glimpse!

You stopped watching the sky after that.

*

As the night turned chilly, Eddie’s jacket found itself draped around your shoulders. The conversation turned deeper and more meaningful than anything you’d experienced in months.

Over the course of the night, you’d moved closer. Mere inches existed between you now but it wasn’t until, on the verge of sleep and against your better judgement, you laid your head on his shoulder that his arm settled around you.

Gently. Loosely so you could pull away whenever you chose.

The veil of tiredness thinned as you observed that it was always like that with Eddie. Always making sure you were perfectly comfortable before he made a move.

Not like Adam, the admission tasted bitter. Adam whose hands wandered every chance they got. Who kissed you when he liked then shunned you with no explanation. Who brushed you off with ease. Who cared more about keeping up appearances than resolving actual problems between you.

The familiar churn in your stomach resurfaced. You pulled away from Eddie feeling suddenly guilty. He was your boyfriend! You shouldn’t be making comparisons like that…

Shouldn’t you?

‘Why are you doing this?’ the question was unprompted, but you needed to know, ‘All these nice things, why are you still doing it?’

Eddie gave a crooked smile, trying to hide how much he missed the closeness. ‘I think I’ve made it pretty clear it’s because I’m in love with you!’ You didn’t look away, so he had to. Your searching eyes and the late hour threatening to pry the truth from his lips. ‘And because…’

‘Because what?’

Eddie fought a battle in his heart. He shouldn’t interfere, he had no right! It wasn’t his place. If he did, he could lose even the fleeting moments he was allowed with you. He couldn’t risk ruining what was left by opening his big mouth.

But you wanted to know… and he couldn’t deny you anything.

‘Can I say something?’ he managed, struggling to find the words. He laughed a little, ‘And you can totally slap me and tell me to get lost if you want!’

You breathed a smile. He never missed a chance to put you at ease. You nodded.

He paused, breathing deep. He had to get this right. When the words came, they were plain and simple.

‘I don’t think he’s good for you!’

Silence. Eddie thought his heart might beat right out of his chest.

‘Oh?’ your voice came out thin. You didn’t sound surprised. Maybe you shouldn’t have said the next words. Maybe you should have turned around and gone straight home. Or maybe, more than anything, you needed to hear his answer. ‘Why not?’

Eddie let out a breath, wetting his lips nervously. ‘You don’t smile when you’re with him… Not really! And he doesn’t notice when you’re faking it.’ Once he’d begun it was hard to stop. Until now, he hadn’t realised just how much he’d pent up. ‘He doesn’t do the things a boyfriend should! He doesn’t listen to you. He doesn’t even think about you unless you’re standing right in front of him! Unless he thinks he might lose you…’

He stopped himself. You hadn’t moved, your eyes staring through him as you listened. The words stung but you knew in your heart they were true. Tears began to blur your vision.

‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-,’ he reached for you hand then dropped it with a sigh, ‘This isn’t a ‘dump him and date me instead’, I swear, I just…’

It was maddening. He wanted to hold you. The sight of your pretty eyes glistening with unshed tears was too much to bear. He wanted so badly to draw you close and comfort you properly but he knew he couldn’t.

‘I just think you deserve someone who knows you deserve the world!’

There it was. Out in the open.

Your breath hitched slightly. No one had ever said anything like that before. It was like you were seeing him for the first time. Away from the insults and expectations at high school, away from the cruelty and the caricatures. All this time, he’d been right here in front of you. Out here in the twinkling starlight everything was clearer. Why hadn’t you noticed before? You wanted to say something though where to start, you didn’t know. Before you could open your mouth, Eddie spoke.

‘Come on,’ he dropped his gaze nodding to the sky. ‘I think that’s the last of them.’

Eddie got to his feet and collected the cushions. You rolled up the blanket, a sense of reluctance tugging on your heartstrings. Neither of you spoke as you wandered down the hill. Eddie helped you into the passenger side and started the van. The ride home was silent. The sky above beginning to lighten.

He drew up to your house, hopping out to open your door one last time. He held your hand as you stepped down. You didn’t want him to let go.

As you looked up at him, a thousand thoughts revolved in your mind. A million questions you needed answered, a million more things you needed him to know, but a whispered, ‘Thank you!’ was all that came out.

Eddie looked at the ground, a small smile twitching at the corner of his mouth, ‘Thank you!’ he echoed.

You shrugged off his jacket, handing it back as the early morning air bit at your bare arms. He took it and for a moment you stood together. Neither of you wanted to go first.

‘I’ll see you Monday?’ he asked tentatively, looking at you through his eyelashes.

You nodded, a shy smile gracing your lips,

‘See you Monday!’

The walk to your front door was lonely and cold but hope’s bright spark flickered in your heart. You weren’t afraid anymore. You knew what you wanted and you had the strength to go after it.

You didn’t look back. You didn’t see Eddie watch you all the way up the path then slowly raise the jacket to his cheek. The fabric brushed against his skin. You didn’t see him sigh and smile as he breathed in your scent.

*

Your heart was pounding; palms sweating. You made your way through the crowded hallways, silently hoping your resolve wouldn’t crumble.

You caught sight of him crowded around his locker with his friends. With a deep breath, you started toward him. You couldn’t change your mind now.

‘Adam, I think we should talk!’

Your boyfriend rolled his eyes, reluctantly pulling his attention from the conversation he was immersed in, ‘What now?’

You bit the inside of your cheek, praying for the strength to stand your ground. ‘I mean in private.’

‘Oh, come on babe! It can’t be that important!’

Just like that. Like you were a nuisance. A mild inconvenience he was forced to live with. Well, who were you to burden him?

‘Fine!’ you retorted, tact and empathy worn thin, ‘I’m not happy! This isn’t working; I want to break up!’

The group fell silent. Shock and horror covered every face but you couldn’t care less. Adam’s expression morphed from amusement to surprise, then outrage. ‘What?’

You folded your arms, forcing yourself not to quail under his gaze. ‘You heard me! I’m breaking up with you!’

In one swift movement, he seized your arm, pulling you away from the others into an alcove. ‘What the hell are you playing at?’

‘I’m not happy!’ you repeated, shaking yourself free from his grasp, ‘You don’t care about me! You won’t even talk to me unless it’s about sports or parties! You ignore me and then get mad when I make friends with someone else! You don’t want me, you just like the idea of having someone on your arm! Well, I don’t want that! I’m done!’

Adam was seething. ‘This is because of him, isn’t it? That freak, Munson!’

‘No, you aren’t listening!’

‘I’ll kill him, I swear!’

‘You won’t go anywhere near him!’ a surge of anger flooded your voice when he threatened Eddie, ‘He has nothing to do with this! All he did was make me see what was standing right in front of me!’

Fury tensed his every muscle. Fists clenched, all but frothing at the mouth. Suddenly, he looked nothing like the person you’d been in a relationship with.

‘You were nothing before me!’ his voice was low and shaking with barely restrained anger, ‘A pretty face and nothing more! If we break up, that’s exactly what you’ll go back to!’

Once upon a time, that thought would have terrified you. Perhaps then you’d have reconsidered, grovelled for his forgiveness and been content to live in misery. Not anymore.

With that threat, he confirmed every doubt you’d ever had about him.

‘I’m done Adam.’

He swallowed, a muscle twitching in his jaw. He could hardly comprehend your words. ‘Have fun being a nobody again!’ he spat, knocking your shoulder as he stalked away.

Relief hit you in the chest, forcing tears while your knees shook. There would be consequences for this, of that you had no doubt.

But for the first time in months, you could breathe easy.

*

With no one to sit with at lunch, you ate in the music room. You really weren’t up to facing the flying rumours and disapproving stares so your fingers teased a familiar tune from the old piano between bites. A tear or two slid down your cheeks every now and then, landing on the keys as you sniffed and tried to wipe them away.

You knew you’d done the right thing but somehow it still hurt. Who knew what they were saying about you in the cafeteria. You’d slapped a great big target on your back and probably Eddie’s as well!’

‘Oh, sorry! I didn’t think anyone else would be in here!’

Speak of the devil.

You stopped playing abruptly turning to find Eddie Munson standing in the doorway. He caught sight of your red-rimmed eyes and stepped closer, pulling over a chair.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ he asked in that gentle, caring tone only ever reserved for you.

You sniffed, giving him a rueful smile and gesturing vaguely, ‘We broke up!’

Eddie’s face fell. He cursed under his breath, ‘I’m sorry! I shouldn’t’ve… I didn’t mean you had to-!’

‘It’s not your fault!’ you shook you head and sighed. Closing the piano lid, you leaned an elbow on top, head in your hand. ‘I guess you just made me realise…’ you trailed off.

Silence fell once more and Eddie didn’t disturb it. He wished he could comfort you, banish the storm clouds and shadows but he couldn’t shake the guilt of being their conjurer. He couldn’t ignore how glad he was that you were away from Adam, and the selfish inkling that now he might finally have a chance with you.

As if sensing his torment, you managed a small chuckle, ‘I’ll be okay!’ you nodded to yourself, ‘I’m gonna need some time… a few weeks, a month maybe, I don’t know,’ you shrugged.

Eddie nodded quietly. His eyes fixed on the floor. Yours never left him. ‘But someone told me there’s a new milkshake place at the mall… I still haven’t been!’

Eddie looked up, a hesitant smile tugging at his mouth, ‘Yeah? Me either.’

You nodded and shrugged again nonchalantly, ‘We should probably go check it out… If you still want to…’

‘I’d love to!’ Perhaps he replied too fast. Perhaps he smiled to wide and looked too eager but you didn’t seem to mind.

You opened your mouth to say something but the school bell rang. It’s harsh tone signifying the end of lunch. Stuffing your things back into your bag, you slung it over your shoulder as you both stood. Now, face to face, you appreciated the warmth of those brown eyes more than ever before.

‘I’ll call you?’ you asked, suddenly unsure if you were worthy of such patient kindness as his.

Eddie fought every urge to lean forward and kiss you right then and there.

‘When you’re ready!’ He smiled. Sunshine through the clouds.

‘Maybe everything would be okay?’ you thought. ‘Maybe everything would be wonderful!’

***

Thank you for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it! Please reblog and leave a comment if you did! It gives me such a boost and encourages me to keep writing when people do leave feedback!

Check out my masterlist for more of my stuff

Taglist: @sadbitchfangirl, @neewtmas, @idathereader, @ladymunson

[papa-evershed]

I’m curious… what do you think are the sexiest gifs of Rob EVER? 😏 I’d love to see ‘em.

I apologize for my late answer but like a weirdo, I was just convinced that my choices would somehow be disappointing. 😅🙈 I just feel like most people are going to expect gifs of kissing scenes or skin but those aren't even the ones that make me the most feral. But I'll give it a shot. 😂

As always, under a read more for length but also for cringe worthy fangirling and NSFW thirst-talk.

Immediately, my first thought was this gif. When I say I adore this man's belly I fucking mean it. He's just so deliciously man-shaped. Tall and thick and soft in all the right places. I love a belly, lets me know that a person isn't too militant and allows themselves to indulge in life's pleasures. 😏😏 (I'm reading way too much into a belly but here we are.) Add in the fact that in this specific scene, Martin Evershed is being the ultimate soft, caring Dad™. He has every reason in the world to lose his shit on Sam but instead he actively chooses to be what she needs in that moment and it's just incredibly sexy because he is a whole ass Man™. I just wrote a fucking novel about this one gif but listen, there's a reason it's first that comes to mind.

The thumb in the mouth? 🙃

Speaking of Act On This, this one too. I'm not even sure if I can put my finger on exactly why this specific gif is one of my favorites. Perhaps because he's usually so smiley (which I adore) that a rare serious/stern look wrecks me. Another reason I want him cast as a villain. Just...yes, sir.

And on the flip side, these because he's just so soft again. I fucking love soft men, ones who don't seem to have that drive to constantly perform their own personal version of hyper-masculinity. (also, I'd suck a random dick off the street to get this in HQ)

I'm a simple creature and I like profiles, noses, and tits.

Like I said, I'm a simple creature and I am no better than any man.

When the right men manspread at the right time? Yes. Yes, that.

When Dad™ shows up to save the day? Get that man a beer and a blowjob.

And while I love it when a man is great with kids...I also think it's incredibly sexy when he's tired of their bullshit cause aren't we all sometimes? 😅

FUZZY GREY NECK? say no more. Also, I'd stand in a three hour long line to wait my turn to ride his thigh like he was the carousel at Disney World. I said what I said.

Hutch. Just Hutch. Everything about the character was sexy. And bless this t-shirt. The shoulders. The arms. The fuzzy neck. The nose. He could 100% talk me into sleeping in that creepy ass cabin and much like Phil, we'd also wake up naked and calling out to God.

Annnd because I feel like it's expected and it does deserve attention, this kiss with Papa E. Listen. Listen. So many fucking onscreen kisses go from 0 to 60 in .000005 seconds. Just immediate face-fucking right out the gate. And IDK about y'all but that shit just isn't enjoyable in real life. Don't assault my fucking face like a Dallas Cowboy's linebacker. 🙃 Ease into it. Warm up. Mr. Evershed will patiently take his time making you so anxiously desperate for more that when he finally does deepen that kiss your lips will be eagerly wet and ready...heh. 🙈

Anyway. 😳 I've been really good about not being thirsty on main anymore and this is still quite tame for me but I'm gonna stop now because this post could go on all night. 🫠

[misc-obeyme]

hii, I just want to say, please take all the time you need!! You should never apologize about a lack of something when you come first. i hope your motivation comes back, but depression really is a butt kicker. I understand how you feel. I've been in a slump for months, but I'm slowly clawing my way out of it. Sending lots of love !! 🫶

I'm still trying to find the confidence to pick up a pen again and draw or try writing again. Your blog makes me feel really inspired !! It's one of my favorites, hence why I'm in the ask box so often lolol

i was gonna ramble about an idea but this ask is already getting long so I'll split it aksjdj

- ✨ anon

Dear, sweet ✨ anon!

Thank you so much! Depression really sucks, especially when it feels like it's never ending... I hope both of us are able to get out of our slumps! I kind of move between staring at a blank screen and staring at the ceiling... like, I want to write, but my brain can't seem to hold onto anything long enough for me to. And then I feel guilty and then I end up sleeping instead lol.

It really means so much to know that my blog inspires you! That's honestly one of the highest compliments ever. I really love to encourage others and to share ideas. I want everyone to have that confidence to create art, whether that's drawing or writing or any other form. I love to see you in my ask box! Know you're always welcome! I truly believe in you and I know that you'll be able to create again soon! We'll get through it together!

I do see your other ask, just know that I'm saving it for when I can give it a proper response! I don't know what happened but suddenly I've been getting a TON of asks. And I don't want to give a short response because I don't have enough time to give my usual novel length answers lol. I figure most people would rather I pace myself with them than cut my answers short.

Anyway, I really appreciate you sending me this lovely message! I hope you're having a wonderful day! 💕

[greensagephase]

Hi!!! First, how are youu??! I hope you are doing find. Second, I LOVE NON VIOLENT COMMUNICATION SO FREAKING MUCH!! I mean honestly, majestic piece of work. I would frame it or printed out to have it in a really cute book in my shelf. You are amazing.

Also, I find it adorable when you apologise for the word count, because it is like: non sense, I want moorre, gimme all the words your brain creates into this beautiful poetry. Really, it is amazing.

Lastly, I hope I am not overstepping, but, do you have any advice on how to start writing? Because I've had this idea for months, and I feel like it is really good. But I sometimes can't find the way to translate the things I picture in my brain to paper, you know? So, I just wanted to ask you, because your story really made me want to write mine.

Anyway, love yaaa. You don't have to answer if you don't want to ❤️. Apologies for my English, it isn't my first language

Hiii, V!!! I’m doing great today, thank you!! I hope you’re having a fantastic day/night!! (Also, sorry for taking a moment to reply to your ask but I wanted to sit down and make sure what I'm saying makes sense regarding the writing!)

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! 🥹 You’re so sweet, truly!!! I’m screaming about the framing or printing out the story into a book 😭 (lowkey, I might do that once the fic is done as it’s my best writing so far and I’m proud of it, so thank you for the idea)!! You’re too kind!!!🥺

And aww, thank you!! The word count always makes me feel guilty! I feel like in a way, I’m forcing readers to read long chapters, even though I know I’m not forcing anyone physically. I have a few readers who always reassure me it’s okay, so I’m slowly learning to accept that some of my chapters are and might continue to be longer than the average length of fanfic chapters lol!

As to the last bit, you’re not overstepping at all!! I’m so happy you’re writing your own fic, and I’m so, so touched that NC made you want to write it!!!! Seriously, this alone made my day!! Thank you!!

On how to start writing (I apologize for how long my response is but hopefully I can be somewhat helpful), I have some advice and I’m also sharing my own process for writing a NC chapter specifically since the process is more concrete than it is for my other short and standalone pieces.

One, I recommend simply starting!! I was reluctant to write my first ATSV work because I hadn’t written fanfic in many years and all I had been writing was either academic or for my original novels (not published but I hope one day they are). From experience, I also know posting fanfic online is or can be a commitment. I never want to be a writer that leaves a fic halfway done because as a fanfic reader, I’ve experienced that pain too many times 😭, so I knew if I posted anything that was longer than one part, I was going to stick with it no matter the ups and downs of my life. Ultimately, I decided to push past everything, even though I had nothing beyond the first chapter of this initial idea. I had an itch and needed to scratch it, so I gave in and literally wrote it on a car ride in my notes app lol not caring if I even posted it. That work is not published, it never was (it’s still on my notes app and it’ll probably stay there forever lol), but it helped me immensely with finding my voice and getting comfortable writing fanfic again. A few days after writing that, I was working on the first NC chapter! So, just start writing and don’t think about it. Brain dump everything on a page that you have so far without worrying about how well it’s written yet!

Two, I recommend doing a writing exercise. It doesn’t have to be about your fanfic, just write about something and get your writing juices going. Sometimes we overthink and it’s the one thing holding us back! You can easily find some short writing prompts on here, so if you’re interested in that, just search some up! This helps warm you up and once again, get more comfortable with writing.

My process:

Consider using outlines. I use these especially with NC because it’s a multiple parts work and has a clear story line. These are the best thing ever! I've also seen other people use mind maps, but I prefer outlines because they're more organized in my opinion.

I start the outline with the “bones” or foundation of the work. These are the main points/events of the writing piece. This is anything from a big event like an action moment with a villain to a character chilling alone on a rooftop, but they can also be pieces of dialogue that are essential to the chapter. I usually have some snippets already planned out in my head, so I go ahead and include those in this part. So I start by doing this, writing each point in chronological order, at least the way it starts out. Sometimes it changes with new main points being added or some omitted during the process and later on in editing. That’s okay! But either way, writing the events in chronological order helps keep everything organized and allows me to physically see the layout/flow of the chapter so far, and make changes to it.

I then go back and add the “meat.” This is all the details surrounding the main point that I have in mind already. This part becomes bigger once I've laid out the first layer of details.

Here’s an example from one of my old outlines, please excuse the handwriting and how messy it may seem. Usually I’m planning and writing all my thoughts in a rush because my brain is thinking faster than my hand is moving lol (I’m like “write that down, write that down!”)

The main point is that Miguel wakes up. Everything else is the meat of that scene and you can see I even have that one snippet of dialogue that I had stuck in my brain.

When I get to the writing on my laptop, I follow my outline and by the end of a writing session, I have a scene that I’m happy with. I do go back and edit, and usually this is when I do my best ✨magic.✨ I think the reason for that is that the idea/scene is not stuck in my head anymore and I can focus entirely on the other details that truly capture the mood of the scene perfectly to how I see it play out in my head, down to how the characters are sitting and looking at each other to the weather outside. This is why I highly suggest that you just write what you have so far and allow your brain to do its magic, it'll help you capture your story from brain to paper!

I hope this helps a bit! And of course, don’t stress too much on it! Writing should be fun and not stressful! Be kind to your writing and have fun creating!

Once you post your fanfic, pls tag me! 😊 I'm trying to read more fanfic these days, so I'd love to read yours! And if you have other questions that I can help you with, send them my way! I’m not an expert but sometimes just talking with someone helps a lot! Also, no need to apologize about your English!! It’s great!!! 🥰 I hope you have a great weekend, V!! 💞💞

[words-after-midnight]

Life in Black and White v4.0a 🌙✨BETA READER SIGNUP✨

I'm a day late; my apologies! Below, for those interested, you'll find the signup form to be a beta reader for the final pre-query version of my main long-term writing project, Life in Black and White, a dark psychological crime drama almost fifteen years in the making.

Signup form here (deadline: March 14th, 11:59p.m.), important details under the cut.

About the novel:

WIP intro post (includes summary and features) Intended audience: Adult (18+) Narration: First person present Genres: Contemporary, psychological drama, crime fiction Goal word count: 109-110K Central themes: Mental illness and recovery, stigma, obsession, control and choices, loss and grief, the butterfly effect, the perfect storm. Primary features: LGBTQ+/queer central characters, unreliable narrator, introspective narrative, ending-centered, mental illness and recovery, morally gray characters. Important note about content warnings: This is a very dark story that comes with multiple content warnings. I've linked a full list in the description of the signup sheet, so please ensure you read them before signing up. Please also feel free to reach out to me via DM if you have specific questions about any of the warnings. Generally speaking, this might not be the manuscript for you if you don't usually enjoy stories that explore dark themes.

Important details about the beta cycle, which you can also find in the description of the form itself:

Projected length for this version: Between 110-120K Start date for readers: On or around April 1, 2023 Deadline for feedback: May 15, 2023 (please do not sign up if you can't commit to reading & providing feedback within the time frame of April 1st-May 15th). Platform: Either betabooks or Google Docs, though I'm leaning toward betabooks right now. Feedback needed: Answers to specific questions (~15-20 total) that I'll provide at various points in the manuscript itself. More specific details about this will be provided to chosen readers. General feedback, while always appreciated, isn't absolutely required at this stage. Available slots: ~7 total

Note: For this version, I am looking for specific feedback, which is why readers with specific backgrounds and experiences will be prioritized. If I don't select you, please don't take it personally!

If I've already confirmed you as a beta reader/book swap, there's no need to sign up using this form.

Tagging everyone who interacted with my initial interest call post (obviously no obligation to sign up):

@catchingbigfish, @kjscottwrites, @authoralexharvey, @calicojackofficial, @artsietango, @writinglittlebeasts, @joeys-piano, @ddbirb, @ananarchie (still tagging you even tho you've already read the thing, you're welcome). Finally: If this manuscript isn't your thing, if you're already a confirmed beta reader, and/or if you can't commit to the time frame, I still appreciate all reblogs/boosts! <3 Thanks all!!

[broomsticks]

say something about the process of your writing, please! anything you like

*stares in horror at the microphone and slowly backs away*

hahaha i’ve been intentionally not playing all the writing ask games because i’m in a bit of a weird place re. my writing 🙈

long story short i was very called out by this excellent essay:

Despite the fact that I was mostly a femslash writer in my early times in fandom and the fact that I write f/f in my current fandoms today, it remains a curious truth that my growth as a writer from someone who wrote 1,000-word oneshots in one go to someone who wrote novel-length fanfic over several months coincided with going into a different fandom where my main focus was a m/m ship... I said I “shipped everyone” earlier – it would be just as correct to say I shipped no one, because I had no deep emotional investment in the ships I wrote about, and often wrote only one fic per ship… when I look at my story stats now, it’s clear that my f/f stories are shorter in word count and are less varied in their plot and execution than my m/m stories.

the best lesson i learned from writing fic in 2022 was to care less. to not care so much about what anyone thinks—including and most of all myself—and to just write.

but sometimes i wonder if i may have learned that lesson too well, because now/ at times/ increasingly (after the what, 20+ fics i put out in december? stupid number) i feel like — i don’t want to say i care too little, but.

i’ve gotten to a point where i can write a drabble/ficlet on just about anything: any character/pairing, any of the main genres (angst/ fluff/ smut, with apologies to crack), and that’s amazing—2021 me would never have imagined—but it’s also a little… sometimes i would like to care a little bit more about the things that i’m writing and posting!

i would like to write more things that i care about — except i don’t know what i Care About. especially because what i want to write and what i want to read have always been two completely separate things (i can’t read my own fics for pleasure. it’s literal torture 😂).

so yes anyway. that was a grotesquely rambling non-answer, but that’s the biggest thing on my mind re. the process of my writing right now! working on something short for remus lupin fest (the way i treat a fest’s min WC as a personal max WC 🙈), have some half-baked ideas for trans fest and maybe also frankenfest/femslash feb, toying with the idea of branching into a different fandom, but most of all i’d like to try to find something i could get invested in enough to maybe write for WLW BB. my someday-fandom goal! one-night-stands are cool and super fun but i want to figure out how to do deep emotional investment in a healthy manner. 😂

[tabswrites]

This or That

Tagged by @outpost51! Thanks so much :) You can read his answers here.

Historical or Futuristic?

I can vibe with both but I tend to prefer futuristic.

Opening or Closing Chapter?

I think I struggle with opening chapters, mostly because I have issues with pacing. I’m quite good at writing cliffhangers though, so watch out.

Light and fluffy or dark and gritty?

Dark and gritty, for the most part. Angst comes natural to me (I wonder why?) and most of the media I consume has dark themes. Occasionally I do enjoy fluff and I try to work it into my own writing when I can.

Hard or soft magic system?

Soft. I have endless respect for those who can construct hard magic systems because I have zero patience for it. You’re going to get magic, but if you don’t understand it, that’s fine! I probably don’t either.

Stand-alone or series?

I enjoy both. I am not afraid to ditch a series if I think the sequels become unnecessary (sorry, Mortal Instruments), and I am perfectly fine with a novel leaving me wanting more. One of my WIPs will be a series of indeterminate length and the other will most likely be stand-alone. And you will be unsatisfied 😈

Gently tagging @dogmomwrites @coffeewritesfiction @zmwrites @clairelsonao3 @hd-literature and as always an open tag for those who want to join! Apologies to those who have been tagged already!

[thewriteflame]

15 Questions, 15 Tags

Thank you @emelkae for the tag! ^^

Rules: Answer these 15 questions as yourself or as an OC, then tag 15 mutuals.

Tagging: @blue-kyber @megarywrites @pinespittinink @moonscribbler @lucysnotebook @jamieanovels @the-finch-address @isherwoodj and open tag

Since I prematurely started And They Were Roommates I've decided to do my "little prince." I will base the answers around the beginning of the novel/series.

---

The rising influencer, Jayme Matthews, enters the empty classroom enthusiastically, apologizing for his lateness with an iced latte. His iron curled, shoulder length raven hair bounces as he plops into the chair across from me. His feminine beauty and friendly air add to the allure of this eccentric freshman who has quickly become the talk of the art college. I have taken it upon myself to interview him as part of my project for the school paper.

Jayme starts to fidget with a purple and gold bracelet as I set up my recorder.

Are you named after anyone? 

"Nope!" He responds, brightly, kicking his feet out. "My mom thought Jayme with a y was a cute name so she took the chance to name me it. And she was right, it is the best name!"

When was the last time you cried? 

"Oh, uhm..." He pauses to think and switches to playing with the hem of his royal purple Gucci top. "I forgot!" He finally says after a moment with a chuckle. "But I do cry a lot so it probably wasn't that long ago."

Do you have kids? 

Jayme giggles, a hand over his mouth. "I really want a daughter some day. I want to name her Violet or Lily, after my favorite flowers."

Do you use sarcasm? 

"When I want to, yes." He nods, taking the question seriously. "But Takashti- he's my roommate and best friend- uses it far more than I do."

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Jayme thinks for a moment, his eyes going to the ceiling. "Oh!" He sits up straight. "Their outfit! I always notice someone's outfit! And how I could make it better."

Self-confidence seems to be something Jayme is not short on.

What’s your eye color?

"It's sort of a blue-ish violet isn't it?" Jayme asks, tilting his head and staring at me with wide eyes. The violet in them pop with all the purples in his outfit and make-up. "It's the prettiest color in the entire world." I can't help but agree, they are some of the most striking eyes I've ever seen. "It was my mom's favorite color." He adds with a sad smile.

Scary movies or happy endings?

Jayme blanches at the question. "Anything but scary or sad movies!" he says fervently. "I can't handle scary movies."

Any special talents?

Jayme laughs as if the question is a no-brainer. "Everything about me is a special talent." He seems rather proud of his answer.

Where were you born?

"Oh, you know, California." He looks down as he mutters, "I've never left California."

What are your hobbies?

Jayme starts counting on his fingers as he says them one by one, "Designing clothes, putting outfits together, cosplay, playing games with Nim and Cris, watching anime, reading manga, and uh... Oh! Social media! I like posting things and taking pictures."

Have you any pets?

"I just have my plush squirrel, Ella. Do you want to see a picture of her?" Before I can respond Jayme pulls out his phone, his case pale blue with a glittery violet crown. I can't help but note that his cute and unsurprisingly purple squirrel has more followers on Instagram than I do. In each picture I see she's dressed in a little jacket or dress, bows and necklaces completing each look. It's an impressive wardrobe for a plushie living inside a dorm.

What sports do you play/have played?

"I don't do well with sports... plus there's hardly any sports with cute outfits! I think there's just tennis and cheer-leading. I was banned from the tennis court in high school."

"Banned from the tennis court in high school?" I ask, curious about the story.

"Oh, yes. I kept hitting the teacher with the ball, no matter where he went. And then I managed to hit the ball really hard through a hole in the fence and broke one of the school's windows."

How tall are you?

"I'm far too tall." Jayme replies with a sigh. "I wish I was short and cute, like my best friend, Nim."

Favorite subject in school?

"Art is always the best! Even if it the first class cut when school funding is low..." He rolls his eyes. "Of course football doesn't have that problem. It doesn't matter if the creative students get to have fun as long as the jocks can get all sweaty and brain-dead."

Dream job?

"I want to be a world famous designer and model!" Jayme bounces back from his earlier rant. "Nim and I will design clothes together and make this world a prettier, more fashionable place! And I'll be on magazines and-and talk shows. And we'll be-" he suddenly stops, a blush spreading across his face and ears. "Well, Nim and I will be the envy of everyone, won't we." He finishes, his grin somehow managing to be shy and confident.

[incognito-lionbeast]

Series: Aotu Campus (凹凸学园)

Couple: Rez / Jedley (杰霆)

Note: Canon Divergent / headcanon! This pairing was originally a "what if" scenario that got a little out of hand. I only discovered much later that people actually pair Jedley with the other Lei brother... 😂😂😂

Anyway, I wanted to write something short & cute. So I did! And now I'm presenting it to y'all without context. :3c

—————————————

    A single blue hair nearly two-thirds his height in length. That alone was perhaps remarkable in some right, yet that wasn’t what gave Rez–whose eyes were still dark with an exhaustion that never really seemed to leave–pause. He admired the strand, plucked from his side as he sat upon the edge of his bed in an uneven slouch. It tickled. That was how he’d first noticed. Though now it was woven around his hand a few times in a fit of whimsical sentiment, brow knit and lips pursed, heavy with memories he’d still some trouble believing. Still, he clenched his fist, drawing it thoughtfully to his face. Close.

Jedley.

This was his.

    Though Rez’s bed was bare of all but himself, he wasn’t alone. Next to him, where there once laid blankets crisp and neat… their order was disturbed, disheveled somewhat despite a very kindly attempt to tuck them back in. It spoke fondly of a partner, once there yet awoken earlier–somehow–than even Rez was accustomed to. A novel concept. One Rez considered as his eyes slowly, involuntarily closed again; the ridge of his spine clearly visible as his posture decayed further and further. Thoughtful, tired. So tired. Yet, not unhappy, he mused, despite his rankled expression. Strange, wasn’t it. He’d forgotten what it was like to have someone.

    A warm hand pressed against Rez’s shoulder. Gentle, coaxing admiration and perhaps a bit of a laugh followed. Words. Someone was talking to him, but Rez had only the presence of mind to catch “–you’ll fall off that way, my dear friend.”

    “I’d apologize for shedding. Yet, it appears that you don’t mind..?” Jedley continued, settling next to his tentative partner. Always a shining beacon of warmth and light, the gardener was practically Rez’s opposite. Yet, Jedley was his now it seemed… the knightly man wanted him specifically. The stern, less charming younger brother. In his tired stupor, Rez gravitated toward that light, ignoring how the tips of his ears radiated another more embarrassing sort of warmth. He leaned against Jedley’s shoulder—rather, into his chest as Jedley moved to accommodate him.

    Hello there.

    “Good morning.” Rez’s reply was muffled yet to the point, surreptitiously untangling Jedley’s gift from his good hand and letting it slowly fall to their feet.

    “Ah yes, I’ve forgotten my manners. Good morning,” Jedley chuckled. “I trust that you slept well, then?”

     Carefully, as if not to disturb Rez’s delicate sensibilities, Jedley brushed dark violet bangs from equally dark, violet eyes, lingering softly against his temple and pinning the hair in place so that he might see all of Rez’s face–or, well, as much as he could under the circumstances. This did nothing to help Rez respond any faster. On the contrary, Jedley’s affectionate onslaught had done little more than distract Rez from the question entirely, stymying the childish urge to hide his face somewhere against Jedley’s considerable bosom. Well, it was childish, wasn’t it? Rez hadn’t felt so ridiculous since the day he’d been married all those years ago. A time long past. An ex-wife he was still trying to forget; though it was getting easier now.

    “Well enough,” Rez answered eventually. Awkwardly, he freed the arm trapped between them, wrapping it around Jedley’s waist and gripping his shirt–to anchor himself, to fuss with. Both. “Are you always this… amorous in the morning?”

    That wasn’t the word Rez was looking for. Well, it was close enough.

    “I fear that may be the case,” Jedley admitted, unable to even pretend that he was the least bit ashamed of it. Oh well. He’d waited long enough to have moments like this; so wasn’t he allowed to be a sentimental fool about it? At least occasionally. Any more frequently than that and he feared that Rez might spontaneously burst into flame. Ah, Rez never really had been very good at softer, more affectionate gestures, had he? Even so… he fondly traced the contours of Rez’s face, slowly working his way down those stark cheekbones and to his jaw.

     Jedley wouldn’t trade this man for the world.

    “Though, come now–” Jedley tilted Rez’s chin, pressing their foreheads together for one last tender display. “As much as I’d enjoy staying like this all morning, I convinced your two eldest children to behave long enough to help me prepare breakfast. It should be ready soon.”

[memoriastellarum]

This car ride had been as exciting as any before it, full of sights as novel to Kaname's eyes as any foreign journey would be. His honey-gold eyes captured and reflected the sunlight that twisted its way through the buildings of the city and came to rest over the carpets of countryside crops and fields. It was by no means a short trip, but he loved every moment of it, wasted no glances, nor even one breath.

And that was to say nothing of the company. Oh, how very fond he was of Tatsumi, such that any time spent together at all was cherished. He had been worried, at first, about the ways things may have changed. What critical events had he missed? Could they even tolerate one another anymore? Was he just a relic, was his friend polished so shiny and new as to be unrecognizable?

He tried to remind himself when the darkest clouds of negativity rolled in that Tatsumi wouldn't go to such lengths for him if he didn't at least marginally enjoy his company-- but well, he knew otherwise. Tatsumi had always been the kind of person who would do anything for anyone-- nevermind how he must have felt that he owed Kaname-- so trips like this, as inconvenient as they were breathtaking, could not measure authenticity to his discerning standard.

But the look in those amethyst eyes, fixed solely on Kaname, was irrefutable. He could have sworn that, despite the beauty all around them, the other's gaze never wavered. He was powerless to fight the smile that overtook his features, warmth bubbling giddily in his chest as he reached out to gingerly caress Tatsumi's face.

But as the other spoke, a cold weight pressed down on his chest, and his expression faltered. That was the kind of sign he should be looking for, right? A sign that he wasn't lost in some delusion, that this was real, that it had value. He forgot to breathe for a moment, eyes wide as a sort of pre-winter stiffness set in.

After a moment, he let his gaze fall to the hand on his thigh, brought his other hand to rest over it. It made him feel guilty, he realized. For every selfish little thought he'd had, would continue to have. For every moment he'd wanted to hear Tatsumi say something like this, and for every moment he'd hoped he never would. Afraid of consequences, afraid of stepping out of what he'd come to think of as comfortable.

He'd thought of telling HiMERU, at the very least, but what would he even say? Knowing how his brother felt, where would he even begin? How? And...

What would... my mother think?

He closed his eyes, heavy with the weight of the thought, before squeezing them tighter and shaking his head. He didn't want to think about her now. Not here, not like this. Not when he knew that the answer had the power to poison the things he cherished most.

He lifted his gaze to meet Tatsumi's again, gently squeezing the hand on his leg. He mumbled a quiet apology, if only to head off the worry that must have surely been brewing from his reaction. He took a deep breath... released it slowly, bidding all his misgivings leave with the wind. Stronger, clearer, he asked,

❝Is that... what you want? Don't you think it's scary?❞

@memoriastellarum

[ THUMB ]:          while cupping the receiver’s cheek in their hand, the sender slowly glides their thumb across their cheekbone in a tender, sweeping caress. From Kaname, to Tatsumi.

Tatsumi had parked the car on an abandoned little parking lot, not too far from the shadow of Mount Fuji. The massive, impressive mountain hid the sky and was quite the remarkable sight... But not as remarkable as the boy in the passenger seat next to him.

Tatsumi had unbuckled himself and twisted his body so that he was facing Kaname properly, and while his hand had come to the boy's thigh, Kaname's hand was on his cheek, petting it tenderly.

"I was thinking..." Tatsumi mumbled while nuzzling against Kaname's hand. "Perhaps we... Ought to tell people about us? At least... Some of them." HiMERU would have his hide for it, he was certain, and he wasn't exactly prepared to tell him just yet, but... He didn't like sneaking around. He wanted to showcase Kaname to the world, loud and proud because Kaname deserved nothing less.

[accidentalmistress]

A bunch of you liked my prompt of the demon who's literally allergic to silver being summoned to serve a snzfucker, so I've decided to create some OCs around it!

I'll apologize in advance because I'm not the best artist, so please forgive the use of picrew to make the character art 😅

(Now updated to include picrew links)

First up is the demon summoner:

Picrew link

Noelle is a witch, and she's fairly well convinced that she's not a very good one. A bit clumsy, she lacks confidence in her abilities and largely in herself overall. Although she's been practicing magic for years, she still considers herself a student of the arcane arts, as there is always something new to learn and study. She is a bookish and shy introvert who prefers spending her time alone in her tower, studying and practicing her magic.

She has the kink, but there's not much that makes her sneeze, much to her frustration. She has no allergies to speak of, and the usual inducing methods produce poor results. The last time she tried using magic to induce, she only succeeded in losing her sense of smell for a week, so she's avoided that ever since. When she does sneeze, she usually has a short build-up followed by a cute single or double sneeze: heh... heh-ESHOO!

She's fairly short and petit, and prefers loose clothes and big scarves that she hides her face in when she's embarrassed (and might sneeze into). Her brown hair is about shoulder length and messy with a gentle curl. She has large, brown eyes behind round glasses, and a smattering of freckles across her face.

She feels like she's hit a wall with her abilities, and that she's just not seeing any improvement in her magical talents, so she decides to summon a helper. A bond with a magical servant would increase the raw power at her disposal and give her another pair of hands to control complex workings. She expects some sort of small spirit or lesser demon. An imp, perhaps, or an elemental sprite of some sort. Imagine her surprise when the one sitting in the middle of her summoning circle is...

Picrew link

Oraion. A greater demon, and an incubus at that. He's honestly as confused as Noelle as to why he, of all beings, answered her summons. One moment he was lounging comfortably at his manor in the Demon Realm, and the next thing he knew he was sitting on a stone floor in some kind of dreary tower with a rather mousy witch staring at him. Indeed, his first impression of her was that she looked very much like a small rodent that just came face to face with a cat.

The collar around his neck is the symbol of their contract as Master and Servant, and it prevents him from harming his master or disobeying a direct order. He doesn't fancy calling a woman "Master", though, and insists on calling Noelle "Mistress" instead. (He doesn't really fancy calling anyone Master and is of the opinion that he should have servants, not be a servant.) He is capricious, mercurial, and rather lazy, being used to the life of what equates to a noble in the Demon Realm. He can also be blunt and doesn't always have a filter in conversation. However, although he may not often show it, he is 100% supportive of Noelle's efforts, and sees in her the potential that she has convinced herself does not exist.

Sneezing is a rather novel experience for Oraion, as demons in this setting do not usually have such a reaction, being more spiritual than physical beings. He is rather fascinated by the whole thing, and enjoys experimenting to find what he is more and less sensitive to, where his most ticklish spots are, what gets him immediately sneezing vs what gets him itchy and hitchy, and other ways to effectively tease and wind up his Mistress.

Touching silver triggers an immediate allergic reaction that gets worse the longer he is in contact with the metal. Holy water has a similar effect, especially if inhaled in vapor form. His nose is generally sensitive, and he is able to induce/be induced with any number of methods (feathers, a tickly piece of grass, sniffing pepper, dust, etc.). If he is already having an allergic reaction he gets even more sensitive, and at that point all it takes is a gentle rubbing of his nose with a finger to set him off.

He is adamant that he, as a demon, cannot get sick, but the veracity of this claim has yet to be confirmed.

Due to the nature of their bond, Oraion's sneezes have been tailored to suit his Mistress's tastes, and so he often has gloriously hitchy, desperate fits, especially when his allergies are triggered.

M-Mistress I- hih... hih... I-I need to s-sn- hihh! hiihhHH! HIHHTCHOO! hih- hihTCHU! hih-HIHSHOO! Ngh, I c-can't s- hih! s-stop- hih- hih-hIIHH! ... HIIIHSHIEW!

Being an incubus, Oraion can sense when Noelle is sexually aroused. She tried to hide her kink at first, but Oraion connected the dots pretty easily the first time he had a full-on sneezing fit.

Also due to his nature, Oraion is a very pretty boy. He's tall (height difference!) with a slim, toned build, and his skin is so pale as to be nearly white, though he has darker gray stripes along his back and limbs like the markings of a tiger shark. He has crimson hair and eyes, curling horns like a ram's, and pointed ears. He also has a long, thin tail with a feathery tuft of red hair at the end (like a kirin), and batlike wings that can vanish when not in use.

I've started writing a fic about them. I don't know when it will be finished, but I'll post it with my OC tags when it's done: #noelle the awkward witch / #oraion the allergic incubus

Anyway, here's Wonderwall. I mean, some bonus Noelle and Oraion sneezy faces!

And some more Oraion! This is honestly closer to how I actually picture him (and the sneezy expression is way better imo), but this picrew didn't have any horns T^T

Picrew link

[sherl-grey]

Shirley G what's your favourite Eleventh Doctor episode rewrite with Rose? Can be an existing fic, or just an idea of an episode you would have loved Rose to be in from Eleven's run! ☺️

hello loup!! this is so tough oh my... once again i'm lamenting my lack of organization, haha. i need to find a better way to save fics... apologies in advance, this will probably be long!

so, i might just be blanking, but i'm not even sure how many single episode rewrites i can think of with Eleven--a lot of them are either full series rewrites OR original plot + a "Day of the Doctor" rewrite at the end (yeah... here's one called "Time Rewritten" that's also Eight/Rose where Rose wakes up in Eleven's TARDIS with no memory and then gets stuck in the Time War, and here's one called "Three Doctors and a Baby" from the fantastic Tentoo/Rose and Eleven/Rose series Consequences, and another Time War one called "Battle in the Sky" that's mostly EightRose but ends with Day of the Doctor and Time of the Doctor... it's a good trope!)

that being said! the rewrite I go to most often for pure joy is "Until The End" by mltrefry, which is part of the "Run with You" multi-series rewrite. Specifically for Eleven's chunk of the series, I love "Vincent and the Doctor" (chapters 9 and 10) as well as.... I honestly think this is either original or maybe an EU takeaway, but there's an Eight/Rose and Eleven/Rose episode called "Before the Worst" (chapters 11 and 12) that I ADORE. This series also has Eleven show up in Blink in a previous fic which is incredibly sweet.

honorable mentions that came to mind:

there is a single episode pairing rewrite of the astronaut duo by no_nutcracker that i just read! ("if i believe in One thing")

there’s also one “i’m at odds and ends but that’s me” by CupofSonic if you like OT3 (tentoo is still here)

i absolutely refuse to read this one ever again because i am emotionally traumatized but here's the god complex ("in blackwater woods")

"when the wolf runs" is fantastic angst-with-a-happy-ending that isn't necessarily a rewrite but certain episodes are addressed and redone? essentially, Rose is woven in to Eleven's overarching plot really well and it's a great fix-it for River as well

i know this fic from the series "Tyler Family Adventures" has an Eleventh Hour rewrite at the very least; it's Tentoo/Rose at first and they actually semi-raise Amy growing up, but it shifts to Eleven/Rose when... well, you can probably guess.

"Out of Order" by lastincurableromantic also pops in on some canon adventures without doing full rewrites! we get a tiny glimpse of Venice and post-The Big Bang at the Pond wedding at the very least

I'm sure I'm still missing some good ones; I know there a couple Doctor's Wife rewrites (Sonic and I and someone else? maybe multiple someone elses?) in existence and that episode is always a pleasure since Rose and the TARDIS obviously adore each other, and I really want to read a reunion that takes place during or after "Hide." The line about "it's not a ghost story, it's a love story" and yearning across time and space... that's it. That's ElevenRose. I think one might exist but I keep losing the link.... Sorry for the novel-length answer but there are just so many good fics!