#as always : no incest and no child characters like fuck OFF with that

[prttykittes]

staying anon for this bec i feel disgusting indulging in this.

i’m big on dark/dddne stuff and yet I feel terrible reading it so i’m kinda glad i found somewhere i can kindof have a place to express more extreme stuff.

anyways big sis beidou wants to be your first so right when you turn 18 she takes your virginity :3

or dad zhongli sees that your bf is not what he thinks a BF should be like to he takes him out and makes you his. i mean this is more of a possessiveness than actual NSFW. i dont know😭

Stoner kazuha roofies you (with prior consent tho w this one)

Diluc gives you too much to drink so he fucks you instead.

i have so much more.. and if i ever do come back i’ll be “:3 anon”

do what you want w any of these 💕

Woahh:0, there's alot so I tried my best to do everything blog, I won't shame anyone for liking these things kind of stuff!!<3

ෆ Big!sis Beidou, Stoner!Kazuha, dad!zhongli, diluc X Afab!Reader [you/your]

— Synopsis:: multiple characters x reader, yeah

CW. Incest(father/child, Sister/slibing), smokes, weed, roofies, consent(Kazuha), dubcon(for everyone else), possessive sex(zhongli), drunk sex(Diluc), age gaps, fingering, Dom!characters x Sub!reader, reader wears pants in kazuha's part

A/N :: Multiple sexy characters :4— written by a minor

[MASTERLIST] — ╰⁠(⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠´⁠꒳⁠`⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠)⁠╯ works in link!

BIG SIS! Beidou ! — She was so happy for you! It was your birthday! She got off her boat and went to your parents house! She saw you, you were still gorgeous as ever! She tears up, she was with for 18 years, her lovely slibing.... Oh how she dreamed about this day, she wants to be your first. So she's going to take you to her boat since you had always wanted to go on the water with her! She would spent time with you on there, just you and her. She celebrated your birthday, then she asked if you wanted to go on a ride. You said yes, now your both on her boat but instead of familial love it was filled with romantical love. She was half she was your first, she at first toying with your nipples. She went lower, she can hear you breathing heavily. Your eyes are hazy, your mind cloudy. Her hand was your sex, she rubbed it. She sees your lovely juices on her fingers, she can't wait to claim you as hers. Her sweet, lovely slibing all hers!

STONER!Kazhu— The smell of weed brunt your nose, he was smiling at you. His hand on his chin, his eyes were slightly red. He had his eyes on you, you sat down next to him. "{Yourname}" he says, you tilt your head in confusion. He gets up, his legs slightly trembling, he wraps his arms around you. "Can I?" He said, you knew what he had wanted to do. You never went this far in your friendship with him! You did have dreams and did wish for him to like you, you also had sexual dreams about him. You can't believe what your going to do with him, he smiles. He grabs some pills, he was going to roofie you but instead of doing it without consent. He has your consent, you close your eyes and take it. You gulp and your head feels weird, your eyes become hazy. He smiles and gently lies you on the bed. He is on-top of you, he lays soft and gentle bites on your neck. He continues to do while his kisses gets lower, you close your eyes and let yourself into the pleasure. He toys with your chest, rolling your nipples between his fingers. He pulls down your pants and touches your sex through your underwear. His finger going up and down, pressing on it. "Your so cute..." He mutters, he take soff your underwear and Lena's down and licks at your sex. He smiles when your sex twitches. He coats his fingers in your pre-cum, then he prods his finger at your hole. His fingers scissor your virgin hole, making you more open for dick. You can feel his clothed dick against your leg while he continues to finger you, after some minutes. He stops and and pulls down his pants so his underwear shows and he slides his underwear down and his dick jumps up. He aims his cock at your hole, your hole clenches around nothing as you anxiously wait for it. He grabs a condom and enters you, his hard dick inside of you. He moves once you get used of his size. The motion is lazy and tried but it still feels good. Your virgin hole is not a Virgin anymore!!!

DAD!ZHONGLI !— He doesn't deserve his sweet baby! He stares at you and your boyfriend, he isn't a boyfriend. His boyfriend ideals for you are something like him!! He angrily glares and judges your boyfriend from afar. He can't believe that you chose someone that is trash, he gets so mad that he gets rid of your boyfriend... Oh I wonder how he got so bloody and why he is covered in blood.. don't worry it's not his!!don't worry baby, no need to worry about anything~ he comforts you after you find out your boyfriend is dead, shhh.... You still have him, your daddy is always here for you!! He won't leave you, he is going to make you his, not like you weren't his from the start! His kisses start form your temple to near your lips, his hands on your thigh to inner thighs. You sniff as you lean into his touch, just enjoy his touches. he slips his hand into your pajamas pants, touching your underwear. He continues to kiss your neck, wanting to mark you with his kisses and his touches. His fingers touch your sex and he slips his hand into your underwear, he smiles as he can feel your sex being wet. He pleasures you with his touches, he can't wait to claim you for his own. Emptying his seed inside of you!

DILUC !— He watches you, you weren't this drink from the start but you know... Things change, he continues to give you more. You were worried about the drinks because you wouldn't have enough to pay but you don't care anymore. Your drunken state, it exitces him but it's only with you. He gives you two more drinks and you drink it up fast like you want to please him... Your flustered face makes him want to kiss you and fuck your face but he can't bring himself to do so~ you let out hiccups and you lay your head on the table. He cleans the empty cups and gives you one more, you grab it weakly as you managed to drink it. You rant to him about annoying people and troubles in your life, he smiles as he listens to you. Your face still on the table, your hands are in a fist but then it goes limp. He hears soft snores from you, he walks around and rubs your hips. He blows in your ear, you still don't wake up. Your body is asleep and he could take advantage of it. He groans while he moves you over to more of a comfortable spot. He takes off your lower clothing and slides down your underwear. He sticks his finger in a cup as it is soaked with the alcohol, he pushes inside of you. Your loose and not tight, your whole body being loose. He kisses your forehead and continues to finger your hole, he lets out a grunt. His dick is really hard, he pulls out his cock and aims it at your hole. He can't wait anymore, he spits on his palm and rubs it on his dick. It's unsanitary but whatever because he is going to be inside of you!! His dick enters you, he lets out a groan, he moves his hips. It feels so good, he should do this more often to you until he gains courage to ask you out!!

[stuffforme2]

Okay listen I lvoe the pjo books and series with all ym heart but.. everyone talks about them like they're perfect WHICH THEYRE NOT any problems are kinda brushed under the rug and I find thst kinda werid? Like you'll see other books and TV shows get dragged and canceled for the stuff in Riordan books and yet pjo doesn't?? So.. uhhHHHH yeah that's jsut something I noticed.

The weird relationshipd ynamics. Rick is like allergic to someone bring okay with being single or jsut aromantic like you can say Reyna but her having a crush kn Jason?? Yes she rejected Apollo but her relationship with Jason deterioted brcuz she had a 'crush' on the guy and that doesn't really amke sense to me (I can go into so much detail kn this)

AND LEO AND CALYPSO OMFG that is a toxic relationship. The age gap. The way calypso treats Leo. The fact Leo SHOULD NOT be with someone like this man hasn't dealt with his attachment and Abandonment issues like st all?!

The literal only black character in the pjo books being beckendorf.. then he dies. Then the Korean/Asian (I'm not sure sorry) character dies, Ethan. And like I understand Percy is hinted st being Hispanic (have seen many ppl talk about this dont mnow if it's common knowldhe) but it's never confirmed or added??? I know Rick fixes it later but it's still weird to me lmaoo

Rick unable to keep consistent personality. Woobigying Nico OH MY GOD NICO HE BECOMES GAY AND THSTS WHDT EVERYONE FUCKING FOCUSES ON AND HE SHOULD'VE NEVER GOTTEN WITH WILL ATLWAST NOT THAT QUICK it's not healthy. Their relationship was rushed and didn't make sense I felt like people only like ot becuz it's a gay relationship??

And oh mygods— Samirah. I am not Muslim and I am not an expert on the Nuslim religion but there is so much shitbthatbeas wrong in thst book that I even knew was incorrect and jsut weird to happen?! The AMOUNT OF TIMES HER HIJAB CAME OFF and I'm also like "yaayyyy representation" but it could've been as easy as one Google search. one.

Jason. Jason as a whole. He had the most potential out of ANYONE and personally I think he had more potential then Percy like his story is so INTERESTING and then.. Rick knocked him iut with a brick multiple times, didn't work kn his sotry or trauma at all, then KILLED HIM. Same with Ethan. I am so Vitter about these two.. HELL EVEN LEO AND FRANK.

Also the way he made Annabeth first quest (first quest SHE IS LEADING AND IS HER PROHECY) all about Percy. I was reading it and I was like "bitxh— this is Annabeth Quest?!" LIKE he it pissed me off that Annabeth was swept to rhe side as Percy's lvoe interest giving her knly enough personality and stary to make her jnteredting enough to eb loved but never delving jntk it into Mark kf Athena and even at Mark of Athena it all rounded back tk her and Percy's relationship LIKE JESUS CHRIST DO THESE MFERS PASS THE BELLDAN TEST?!

The low key incest at the beginning ricj writing that all the demigods had the same impish features at rhe start and then.. jsut.. CHSNGING IT?!

Not letting a virgin goddess who has no history of having children have.. children.. NOW you may be wondering 'but then how would we get Annabeth?'— JUST GiVE ATHENA HER FAVOURITE CHOSEN PPL LIKE SHE DID WITH ODYSSEUS let her stay childless. Jsut let her choose some children she'd like as hers wonce they're Bron and she then blesses them as her heroes, that's how she treats them any way and it also gets rid of the incest?!

Also the fact it's implied that Annabeth is only smart becuz she's a child of Athena.. Rick made a virgin goddess technically have children so he can have a smart women character and that's just.. EuGGHHhHHh JUST LET HER BE SMART IT NOT THAT HARD "Oh, no, I'm not smart because Athena chose me.. Athena chose me because I was already smart" Smacks you with common fucking sense.

Also Annabeth ALWAYS needing to eb saves and its always done by a man. OMFG AND GROVES GF DHE HAS NO PERSONALITY OUTSIDE OF BEING SOEM GUSY GF EVEN THOUGH HES GONE FOR MKNTHS AND BAREKY CONTAXTS HER?!

The whole apheodite cabin. The whole aphrodite cabin. The whole aphrodite cabin.

The fact it's clear Rick doesn't think girly girls cant be strong or into fighting or able to wield a fuckign weapon. The way he makes nearly every girly girl into a total mean bitch or ruins their characters.

[ccuniculusmolestus]

so you know how richard literally worshipped henry and saw him as god (kinda) or at least this flawless being etc etc. this makes me curious in how do you think bunny saw henry? we know how he talked about henry rather positively during that lunch with richard. but did he also worship henry in the same level as richard's or do you think bunny had very different view of this man and could see him beyond his perfect surface??? love ur bunny posting btw :3

tank uuuu i love bunny posting also and i enjoy these asks os much so thank u for them :3

Did Bunny worship Henry like Richard did or not?

ok HUFF i have many Though.ts about this and theyve evolved ever since i read the book the first time. i wanna write a concise reply without yapping so i just cut like entire blocks of text.....sigh. let me try and gather my throughts for real

(irrelevant thoughts added with asterisk * at the end)

i think one of the biggest ways bunny differed from the others in the group-- and a big reason for henry's growing distaste for him-- was the fact that Bunny didn't worship henry like he SHOULD have.

Bunny, out of everyone (even richard), received the most amount of grace from Henry. Yes, Henry saved Richard from dying in that shithole in winter, and he 'saved' (debatable) Camilla from Charles, but how many times do you think, in the 3 years he knew Bun, did he pay for Bunny's food, clothes, and most likely medicine/inhalers etc. (thats another headcanon for another time i was just about to type a whole ahh paragraph). Considering everything he'd done for Bunny, Bunny should've been the one most devoted to him. And yet, he was ironically the least devoted. (but i'd argue he was somewhat of a devotee anyway)*

I say Bunny admired Henry enough to stick with him throughout the bachanal attempts. Given his conservative way of thinking and unserious attitude towards the practice, I was always baffled about WHY bunny even gave a shit about the bacchanal, why he didn't blow them all off. He surely didn't care enough to be involved in the practice for the sake of Francis (homosexual) or Camilla (woman, incest-er), or Charles (alabama) because by then he was disillusioned with them all. He gave a shit because Henry was doing it. He wanted to be involved because he wanted to stick by Henry.

Bunny's almost child-like dependence and clingy-ness (Read: How he drove Henry mad in Rome by following him EVERYWHERE. even to the BATH?) when it came to Henry was also baffling considering his brash and over-confident, 'masculine' character. He probs knew he was dependent on Henry, like a devotee is to a god. Or a son is to a father. (DONT. get me started on THAt. i have talked about it before i will no shutup ABOT it,)

So now we have established that Bunny did in fact worship Henry to some degree, but in the end he only saw him as another man (cough. A friend.) Because Bunny was not so detached from the rest of the world like Richard and the others were, he had a foot lodged in the door of reality and he only occasionally peeked into crazy lala cult land for the sake of Henry every now and then. He most likely assumed he'd be able to get away with it by just doing performative shit for his friends like wearing togas and singing in the forest lol.

Bunny's image of Henry's superiority or his godhood shattered in Rome, when he realized he was nothing more to Henry than...well, whatever Henry had called him in his journal. And also, that Henry was apparently crazy enough to kill a man with his bare hands. (MIND YOU, he read HENRY'S direct thoughts on the murder. Thus we can argue he knew about the murder more intimately than anyone else did. I just know Henry didn't really voice his true thoughts with any of the others (about how the murder probably felt exhilarating) but BUNNY read that shit. So thats when he realized just how fucked up Henry really was.)

Now, for richard and the others (particularly richard) the murder did nothing but lowkey solidify Henry's 'godhood' (and power) because these fucking morons were so detached from reality that they fr thought they were living in a greek myth or something. lame as hell. (me biggest greek class hater , hater #1)

Also I think its a bit karmic-ally satisfying how and why Henry meets his end lol. It IS through Bunny, and brought about by his OWN hand (Henry turned the letter, Henry pressed the trigger). But the reason Henry was really driven to it was because his own god was destroyed when he was shunned by him (Julian).

Henry's hand shoved Bunny off the cliff, but Bunny's hand wrote his ruin.

What does a scorned follower do when he loses his faith? He destroys his god. So Bunny's final act of prayer-- he destroyed Henry through Julian. Julian's godhood for Henry shattered when he abandoned him. An eye for an eye.

*Henry became extremely disillusioned with Bunny AFTER Bunny refused to observe the rites properly. Up until then, he was tolerating him despite everything, even the stupid stunt he pulled with richard LMAo. I guess the rites thing really showed Henry how little Bunny was willing to do for him, so he cut him out of the bacchanal entirely.

[findingoblivion]

Best Worm character that like didn't get done right in the series? idk ive had worm on the brain all night

okay i'm finally answering this sorry for the delay

but it's OBVIOUSLY amy. like it's so fucking amy. it could not be more amy. yes rachel is a huge dyke and got done so fucking dirty by wildbow in so many ways. even taylor got done dirty to some degree. and then there's alec and brian too of course and plenty of others

but it's amy.

like full stop.

the homophobic lesbian trope that was in the 50s and 60s about how gay people would try and drag you into their lifestyle and influence you and even Good Christians could fall to their dirty tricks and be almost hypnotized?

pure amy.

how disgusting incest is, even when they're not blood related in any way?

yep.

retconning victoria's power so that it doesn't affect everyone unless she wants it to

leaning in even harder to the sexual assault stuff with amy in ward, character assassinating her and acting like she was a disgusting predator the entire time, always intended to assault vicky, and got off on it and not a scared child who warned vicky and tried desperately to prevent her from crossing her boundaries in the most stressful moments of amy's life?

like by far the most universally hated and reviled character in worm is probably amy. yes sophia is up there but do you know how many people forgive sophia for everything she did and write her as a hero with a redemption arc compared to Amy? It's not close.

There are literal servers that will ban you if you defend amy or act like she's a victim at all and don't just immediately and completely condemn her. there are fanfic servers where ANY writing about amy as anything but a horrible villain is condemned and considered toxic and against the rules

all because wildbow wrote a homophobic caricature of a lesbian and then tried to pass it off as him writing a villain and then retconning everything that made her story good until she was a shadow of her former character and then still tried to profit off her arc in ward by making her this even stupider caricature

wildbow is like the worst narrator ever and ward was so much more boring and didn't have any of the things that made worm good, but all of the things that made worm bad

worm itself is flawed because wildbow was (and still is) but is otherwise a great story

victoria dallon i love you but the phone down or text and call me this hate isn't you

amy dallon i am looking directly into your eyes and telling you that i love you and that it's going to be okay, you made a mistake but you didn't meant to, you didn't intend to, it was a moment of weakness that you deeply regret, and you've suffered so much for that. you deserved to be held and loved and improved, you deserve to be shown how beautiful and amazing you are, you deserve to not just be judged solely for your mistakes but for everything you have done. my heart breaks for you and i would like nothing more than to take care of you and love you and hold you tight and close and protect you like my own daughter, you never received that warmth and love and you deserve it perhaps more than anyone else in the world

[misstwisted]

rant time

I hate romance booktok so much it’s literally making me wanna eat myself whole. WHY WHY WHY IS EVERY BOOK REC EITHER THE MOST BORING LITERATURE EVER WRITTEN OR AUTHORS MAKING THE MOST STALE PLOTS WITH NO SUBSTANCE JUST TO WRITE OUT THEIR DEGENERATE ABUSE FANTASIES THEIR PARTNERS WONT ACT OUT ON THEM?

Oh I know, because it makes money and these authors don’t actually care about writing good stories with characters people will care about. They wanna jerk off and get paid while doing it.

And yes yes I know not every book is like that but it FEELS like it is because that’s all that get fucking popular which shows how melted these peoples heads are. Name one popular booktok book I can guaranteed there’s something terrible in it that people disguise as romantic. Also most of these romance authors are just straight up terrible people that will always have a army of horny middle aged women defending them. Penelope Douglas’s obvious incest fantasies and the weird posts about her daughter, Coho romanticiztion of abuse, etc.

I am so done with people trying to defend booktok because it’s obvious to me they either don’t understand or don’t want people insulting what gets them off. I literally saw a reel saying “book triggers are just checklists for me” and some of the book triggers included were “CANNIBALISM, ABUSE, CHILD SA, INCEST” like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? THIS IS FUCKING WRONG.

not even kidding here it is:

“at least people are reading”? Reading what? This garbage? Fuck off.

[momentsofamberclarity]

don't call me nonnie.

i know that not all proshipping is sexual, but it's still portraying pedophilia/incest positively

the bullet point lists were because i just wanted to separate each sentence into a different point because they were all sort off disconnected

the "they're just pixels" argument doesn't work because every single thing you see on a screen is a bunch of pixels if you zoom in, with that logic every image posted online is "just pixels", including actual csem

Fine, I won't call you that. But riddle me this, anon; why am I showing you more respect than you're showing me? Why have you told me to go fuck myself multiple times in place of having a discussion?

Here's the thing ... the only way you will find csem is if you go looking for it. You are not going to find csem on tumblr because it would break community guidelines. But fictional characters under the age of 18 do not count as csem and numerous child protection services have stated that those are just art.

Likewise, the only way you're gonna find fanfiction of 'kids being raped' as you keep putting it, is if you're trying to be a white knight and seek those writers out purposefully so that you can harass them like you're doing with me. Because most of the proshippers I know tag their stuff so that it can be found by the target audience and blacklisted by the people who don't want to see it.

And here's the thing about proshipping which I think is the biggest hurtle of the anti community. Proship doesn't mean 'I support active sexual predators hurting real living children'. 'Pedophile' as a term is meaningless at this point because everyone on the internet uses it to describe anyone they disagree with. You're better off using predator and paraphile. Predators are the dangerous people who don't give a shit about fiction because they have full-intent to harm others. But the majority of paraphiles? They're no-contact and/or fiction-only on their paraphilias, or they do consenting adult things with their consenting adult partners that are roleplaying with boundaries set in place for a reason.

I've been on the internet since before the term 'proship' even popped up. Back before that we called it Dead Dove, Don't Eat and Don't Like, Don't Look. 'Proship' as a term has the same meaning as those old ones, it's just shorthand. It means 'I support the rights of others to ship whatever they want in their own space regardless of whether or not I like or condone it because I don't know them and it does not involve me'. You don't like the content? You have a block button and you are encouraged to use it to curate your own online experience just like the artists and authors posting that content are.

The fact that you're still here means you're hearing some of what I'm saying and possibly having a hard time coming to terms with it. Believe me, I went through a period of morality crisis between my bpd and ocd telling me that fiction could affect reality and I thought that thinking bad things ( like intrusive thoughts ) made me a Bad Person. But thoughts are just thoughts.

So if you want to come off anon and actually have a conversation with me, I promise I'm not going to name-drop you. The purpose of this blog has only ever been about clearing up misconceptions about proshippers and paraphiles because I used to be uninformed about those topics myself until my partner and another super close friend explained them to me in a way that I could comprehend. And that is that thought crime doesn't exist. And fictional characters don't have autonomy and therefore cannot be abused by your thoughts, your art, your writing, etc.

But if we did away with fictional expression of paraphilias in a healthy artistic manner ( like KOSA is currently trying to do ), the world would be a more dangerous place for potential victims, because paraphiles and predators are always going to exist whether you choose to accept that or not. My own abusers never faced charges, only one of my partners' abusers is rotting in jail, and that is the reality of this fucked up world that we're living in. People with niche fetishes aren't monsters - most are even too embarrassed to talk about them. Active sexual predators online who hop into the DMs of minors to be creeps are a real world problem. And that has nothing to do with the proship community's philosophy of 'ship and let ship'.

[titleleaf]

I’ve wanted to watch more Roger Corman films for a long time — he’s been a pivotal force in the careers of a lot of directors whose works I enjoy and his impact on some of my favorite silly horror tropes is off the charts — but tonight we did a questionable thematic double feature of Corman’s Masque Of The Red Death (1964) with Visconti’s Death In Venice (1971) and hoo boy… my Vincent Price thirst… is strong…

Some thoughts:

- It’s a delight to have an adaptation that engages with Poe’s use of color and the color palettes of all that highly saturated, artificial, Star Trek TOS-looking costuming is a pleasure after “the Middle Ages were brown and gray” has been the norm for so many years now. The presence of the Red Death is undercut by the liberal use of red in the courtiers’ costuming but the costume/character design fucking rules.

- On the flipside, every single one of these costumes could be dated like a tree trunk slice; they are pure 1964 and they look like if you held a match up to them they’d melt. I would loved to have seen more Bogus Renaissance Italy vibes rather than Bogus Generic Medieval but I get that they were working with what they were working with.

- If I saw this movie in 1964 as a teenager it would have blown my tits right off. Arch, sexy, incredibly nasty Prince Prospero low key holds a virtuous peasant girl hostage in exchange for sparing the lives of her lover AND her father, then proceeds to attempt to seduce her into his philosophy of cynicism, skepticism regarding organized religion, and also Satanism, while his clearly pretty lonesome consort is off doing her own thing with Satan and they have a truly bonkers triangulation with exquisite wife-mistress femslash potential and also there’s a lot of evil bathing and evil dressing??? Also there’s a pretty loosey-goosey adaptation of Hop-Frog but I don’t give a fuck, Hop-Frog (excuse me, Hop-Toad for some reason in this) is my favorite figure from Poe and while the ending of the film is a bit Hays Code-y (just too many people being spared!) him and his lady love getting away clean is always a lovely element. (Even if the choice to cast him with an actual adult little person actor who’s appropriately super charming and scheming and her as an ADR’ed child is: super super weird. It was the 60s, I guess.)

- @allthestoriescantbelies pointed out to me that Jane Asher is also the protagonist of The Stone Tape and damn, girl cannot catch a gothic break, no matter what era she’s in. She’s lovely in this.

- I want to show this movie on repeat to all historical costume accuracy discoursers.

- I also want a bunch of Jacobean revenge tragedies costumed exactly like this. In some alternate reality where all the incest wouldn’t be a dealbreaker I think Corman could have cleaned the fuck up adapting Webster and Middleton and whatnot. Hell, do Corman’s Hamlet.

- All the courtiers’ debauchery is pretty tame at first — they canoodle fully clothed, impersonate animals, and drink a lot of wine — but when that finale hits, it really hits.

In conclusion I feel like this film gave me an injection of vital villain/heroine essence directly to the bloodstream.

[aroanthy]

thinking about kanae and her relationship with her parents and akio and his relationship with her parents and just like…. ideas about patriarchs and fathers and family in utena. and incest obviously. you know there’s something so horrifying about kanae’s situation, beyond the obvious fact that she’s not yet graduated high school and she’s being married off to a child predator who is using their relationship to levy more power over more children. and her mum. and the fact that we don’t ever SEE her dad. fathers in utena have, shall we say, the worst track record in the book. i have so many things that i want to say about representations of Adult Men in rgu and specifically representations of fathers but it all circles back to their absence and imitation.

like, okay. i think the only (non-silhouetted, ie Actual Flesh) father we see is miki’s, and even then we don’t see his face. similarly we don’t see kanae’s mum’ face though she too is a Flesh Parent. don’t even get me started on how the only two visual representation of utena’s parents are their coffins and graves. also don’t get me started on that One shot from episode 10 that i use in all of my amvs of the silhouetted kiryuu parents because as you can probably tell from my heavy use of it in my amvs, i find it a deeply fascinating shot. swagever. all of this is to say, dads are not In The Flesh in utena.

im excluding the movie from this discussion bc whilst im a diehard aou lover and would never normally eclipse it from my analysis like this, the choices it makes in representing touga’s father break with rgu’s typical stylistic choices in a way that i honestly think is less effective. that whole sequence is incredibly visually rich in every other way and includes symbology that is some of the most compelling in all of rgu, imho, but it’s like. gahhh. i know it’s an active choice to represent him as Just A Guy, and you could argue ‘well akio’s Just A Guy’ but it’s. it just irritates me. i don’t think it’s meaningful in the way that utena likes to be meaningful. id argue that seeing his face doesn’t contribute anything, but idk maybe i just don’t like looking at his horrible face. it’s probably just that but also im right it’s a lacking stylistic choice

rambling side note aside, i get to my actual point that i technically already alluded to: akio. akio’s not a dad but akio is positioned as a (pseudo?)father figure to (checks notes) anthy, utena, kanae (hey remember she’s what started this post lol), touga, id throw nanami in, you could probably make a tangential argument for miki and kozue, ruka’s an interesting one, and mikage (maybe??). this is for a couple of reasons. he’s the (acting) chairman of the school that all the characters i just listed attend, he’s the guardian/caregiver for three or four of them, and, fundamentally, he guides and governs their lives to the best of his ability (not in the sense that he’s trying really hard to raise these kids, in the sense that he’s trying to control them. lol). BUT. crucially. he is an approximation of a father, an imitation of the patriarch, even and especially to anthy.

why does this matter? well, funnily(?) enough it circles back to why i dislike aou’s choice to portray touga’s father as A Guy. the powerful men in ohtori— and when i say ‘powerful’ here, i specifically mean men who are not marginalised, men who are not racialised, men who come from money and have never had to reach the top of the tower, rather always resided at its summit— are not seen by us. akio is the acting chairman, the acting father, the stand-in who stood up for something that is altogether worse than him, that made him who he is in such an insidious way. and i just think that’s really fucking interesting to think about wrt his status as a brown man, being racialised, being The Thing That We See when everything else— the inappropriate vice principal, miki’s piano teacher, mr ohtori, mr kiryuu (anime version), even off-hand dialogue from shadow girls about adult men in positions of power like mr judge (papa! daddy! god!!)— is obfuscated and implied. and i don’t want to suggest that that’s an intentional commentary on the racist mythologising of brown and black men as innately sexually violent, because. It’s Not. and utena massively drops the ball wrt race, but because of that lack of explicit, intentional commentary, it creates this strange dynamic between akio, the only racialised man in the show, and Every Other Guy. and that’s a very long-winded way of saying ‘maybe poisoning mr ohtori was a good thing actually’

[im-out-of-it]

I so would love a Malec show spin-off and no CLACE allowed, EVER but you know what else I’d love?

a Magnus Bane spinoff. I couldn’t see anyone else as Magnus besides Harry but IMAGINE THE FUCKING CONTENT!!!!! and I know CC created this character or ended up getting inspiration elsewhere but there is sooooo much you can do with Magnus. I would rather someone else would create it and not CC’s view of a stereotypical bi person who she later tries to say is pan.

I want what they had on the show and the dedication they put for Malec there. say what you want about the show but Matt and Harry put in overtime for Malec!!!! don’t get CC involved, she would ruin it and then go cry and complain if something was different. but I want from when he was a child to all his adventures and when he meets Alec. like there’s just so much you could get from that alone.

I wouldn’t want it too heavily focused on the books though. none of that kissing will 🤢 but Camille was another interesting character so I would love to see more of her, and woosley cause he was always humorous and fun, and just seeing the adventures of Magnus. oh and none of that Tessa Jem will triangle because that was done atrociously. (JEM DESERVED BETTER) I would much rather they create new storylines that fit better 👏🏼

Magnus is easily one of the most lovable, complex, and fascinating characters. the opportunities are endless. I know this would probably never happen and CC would never sell the rights because she wants her abusive, toxic, incest “love story” but we are missing out on a Magnus/Malec spin off. these two were the only things watchable and readable about the show and books. I wasted so much energy on the books because I thought Malec were the stars. the potential is there so I guess I’ll stack this in my dreams section 😭

[quillkiller]

not you ranting 💀 it’s misogynistic to make Harry regulus child when Lily is the mom not regulus GODDAMN.

bro..,.. they’re not real. go touch some grass

listen ive seen people being misogynistic towards lily in order to favor jegulus. it does happen and i wont deny it, however i will simply just stay away from it and not interact. im way more interested in evolving lilys character and give her her own narrative instead of just using her to hate a mlm ship and claim to be feminist about it. like it’s fandom. make your own goddamn peace and create a space that you fucking enjoy. yall are not trying to defend lily when yall do this you’re just trying to be anti jegulus and using her to do it

no one is saying that regulus is ’the mom’ but like. people can do whatever the fuck they want. if people dont want to write lily but they want to write jegulus being harrys parents then by fucking god let them. who CARES. i wont interact with it and it doesnt interest me but oh my fucking god it’s fandom. people are out here writing mpreg and a/b/o and tentacle porn and incest and whatever the fuck else. this is simply not a problem. none of it is. its fandom and its free and its for fun

(i never see any of you complaining about tonks glaring absence in wolfstar teddy fics……..)

just don’t interact if it bothers you. i have things i wont interact with and topics i find problematic, so i stay the fuck away from it. no one is profiting and no one has to fucking read it. its not being advertised and its not being goddamn taught in schools

i will always defend lily and my priority is simply evolving her characters and giving her a narrative that just simply isn’t being a mom or a wife. like bro im in the middle of writing a lily character study canon divergence fic where she simply wasnt home when voldemort came and she doesnt save harry with the power of ’motherly love’. it will be morally grey and highly disturbing and a lot of people wont want to read it. however i want to write it to rebel against her doomed narrative in canon as a dead wife and mother. she wont necessarily be likeable or someone to root for but thats what i want to explore in my goddamn fanfiction

yall are acting as if some people writing regulus being harrys parent actually has a broad negative impact on the political climate or some shit as if its not just a silly little thing people do online bc it makes them happy. GO OUTSIDE…. TURN OFF YOUR PHONE…..????

and as i said. i simply wont interact with lily bashing but that’s just me. that’s my preference. i will consider interacting with this trope if lily just simply isnt involved. HOWEVER. THATS JUST ME. PEOPLE DO WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT.

it’s fandom. it’s not real. no one is profiting. there are no editors involved except for lovely people who will sometimes beta. it’s not professionally done. it’s free. it’s an outlet to be silly and fun and explore dynamics. these are fictional characters that do not exist

[romana-after-dark]

The Wrong Way: Chapter 10 (Finale and true ending)

Dark!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Tommy Miller x reader

Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Summery: You are sold to Joel to clear up some of your fathers' debts, and he takes you back to his house where him, Tommy, and high ranking members of his raiding trope stay. Joel is mean, cruel, and hash, but had small moments of softness that confuse you in your venerable state. Over time, you get to know him and Tommy, and see different sides of each, and both are hiding secrets. Was it possible to fall in love under these circumstances? Or was that just another way Joel was fucking with you?

Aka: my mom sold me to One Direction

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. Blow Jobs, PIV sex, lose of virginity, sex trafficking, past incest, death/people dying everywhere, Stockholm syndrome, falling for your rapist, victim blaming, torcher, branding, physical abuse, rape (not Joel), somno, dub con on tommy? idk he's not really into it but feels like he has to, self-harm/depression/suicidal thoughts (not a lot) but fair warning, major age gaps, love triangle, pregnancy/birth, threats of abortion, major character death, mentions of potential csa/child abuse but does not even come close to happening, forced pregnancy, forced housewife shit, breeding, breeding kink?!?!

UUUUHHH ya'll i put the warnings there so uh you can't blame me for what I've done.

Before anything i gotta say the "id do anything for you, you amost killed me, that was for you" bit is curtesy of me and @the-fox-den messing around so credits to them XD

I cannot appreciate y'all readership more. I cried writing this on and off not only bc the content but that it's over. full emotions at the end!

Enjoy! (this is not enjoyable.)

***************

“Hey honey.” Tommy’s voice was groggy and sweet in the late morning. “You up already?”

You shuffled your body back, closer to where Tommy lay, warm and inviting… you missed him. You missed him so much. “Yeah just thinking…”

Nestling his face into your face, Tommy holds you tighter, a protective hand over your belly. “What about?” When you didn’t answer, he knew what you were thinking of. “Ah… you miss him, don’t you?” There wasn’t judgment in his voice, just the soft understanding that Tommy always gave, a grace that showed he knew what Joel had done to your mind.

Nevertheless, you tear up, embarrassed at your own weakness for the man who had nearly killed you and your baby. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me… he had me so messed up and twisted… I didn’t know which way was up half the time… I felt like I was living in a haze…” You begin to cry, letting the frustrations out.

“Hey, hey now it’s alright. He’s good at that… he’s good at jumbl’n you up enough you can’t see straight… and he’s got that look… something in his eyes when his attention is focused on you… just makes you want to make him happy… I know what you mean… Did he hurt you a lot since I left?”

“No” You shake your head. “That was the strange part… It was… it was good… especially after he found out I was pregnant… It was… it was good, actually. I thought he changed… He didn’t… but I had a lot of freedom, I could do pretty much anything with Lorenzo watching me.” You chuckle a little bit, thinking of your friend. “At first I don’t think he was thrilled to be on babysitting duty, but when he realized he could drink and smoke all day I think he liked it a lot more.”

The smile in his voice was evident. “I’m glad you had a friend after I left, honey.” He brushed hair out of your face. “I saw… I saw Joel a few months back… he said you and Lorenzo had gotten close.”

“Yeah” But the tears came again.

“Hey, hey what’s wrong?”

“I never said good bye” You cry. “Lorenzo… everything happened so fast and I didn’t get to say goodbye and now I don’t know if he’s even gonna live.”

Tommy coaxed you to turn over and face him, his face beautiful in the rising orange sun kissing his skin and complimenting his dark hair. “Honey, listen, Maria is gonna make sure he’s taken care of. He’s gonna be okay and once he’s rested up, I’m sure he’ll come to Boston, or at least get word out if he’s got other plans.” Tommy didn’t actually know any such thing but he wanted to comfort you.

“He’s coming to Boston” You assure. “He promised me… and him and Zach are a couple, actually.”

His face was one of confusion, then realization. He chuckled. “Love really just… finds a way, huh?”

When you look into his eyes… you can’t help but agree. “Yeah, it does…” He face was so close to you, it’d been so long since he’d held you… even before he left, you two had grown distant, Joel successfully putting a edge between you two, and you hadn’t spend the time with him you used to, angry and upset with him for reasons that didn't make sense… but that was how badly Joel had messed up your sense of direction. And yet, none of that mattered when Tommy was in trouble. You’d put yourself between Joel’s gun and Tommy, and if you weren’t pregnant you’d do it again. Tommy was always there for you, as much as he could be… he was manipulated by Joel, just like you were, but still he tried… and here he was, sleeping on a cold hard floor with you because he uprooted his entire life with Maria… for you.

The kiss was sudden, you pressing your lips to his and for a sweet, lingering moment he kissed back, chest rising as he breathed through nose, savoring you before pulling back whispering your name. 

“I love you…” You confess, eyes closed and foreheads pressed together.

“Honey, you don’t… you don’t have to feel or do anything just because I’m here-”

“I love you.” More assertive this time. He thinks you feel like you have to, like there's pressure… but you never felt that with Tommy. Tommy wasn’t Joel. Tommy was kind and patient, Tommy was loving and gentle and good… Tommy was the one you loved.

Tommy reached out, caressing your hair. “I love you too, honey, I’m sorry I had to leave you” the words just began spilling out from him, tumbling out Tommy’s mouth like a desperate plea for absolution for sins he never willingly committed. “I’m sorry I never stopped him, I’m sorry I didn’t do more, I’m sorry I left you alone in all that-”

You cut him off with another kiss, needier and lonely, clamoring for a connection. “It’s okay, Tommy. It’s okay. I’m okay now, everything will be okay.” And it would be. You were with Tommy now, and Tommy would keep you safe. You hands wander, trailing down his back as you continued to kiss him, feeling him, getting to know the curves and dips and muscles of him for the first time. Your hands move to undo his pants, but he stops you.

“We don’t- honey you’ve had a traumatic week”

“Tommy, I want you…” You whine, and you did. You did, so fucking bad. You missed Joel, you missed Tommy, your head was swirling with guilt and fear and a deep, deep down ache of loneliness that you didn’t know how to fill other than skin on skin. It was all you really knew. Nearly everyone you had cared about, save for Zach, and Lorenzo showed their love with touch. Even June did, although it wasn’t sexual. Tommy always held you when you cried, sat up in his lap with arms wrapped around you as he did now. “I want you Tommy, please?” You whine. You couldn’t deny that the pregnancy hormones worsened things, making you incredibly needy. “I need you, Tommy”

Tommy sighed. He knows he shouldn’t. The week you’ve had, the year you've had, hell, the entire life you had groomed you into submitting your body to men for money, shelter, affection. This is what you knew. Then there was Maria, his girlfriend who he lived with, with whom he swore fidelity too, who had seen this poor, young traumatized her and willingly let him go because she trusted him… That was the other thing, you were still so young… Tommy had made the comment to Joel that if Sarah had lived, he she would be older than this girl in his arms was now… That should’ve made Joel disgusted… shouldn’t it disgust Tommy too? But Tommy was weak, he knew he was weak… and he loved her, didn’t he? This wasn’t a lust filled rape, this wasn’t him taking advantage of her youth and naivety, they were in love, and she needed him. 

“Yeah baby, I’ll take care of you.” Tommy allowed you to undo his pants while he quickly undid your flannel. In the daylight and as he pulled it and the dress over your shoulders, he could see the full extent of your injuries. Where your collar hid, there was a mixture of purple and green bruising around your neck and throat, accentuated by red from the rope burn, and yet the hardest to stomach was your chest. A large black bruise formed on your chest from the repeated punching. “Oh honey… you’re lucky he didn’t break a rib.”

“I don’t wanna talk about him.” You grumble, beginning to shimmy him out of his pants. “Just want you, Tommy. I want you the right way, like we never got the chance to, the way Joel took from us.”

“The right way” He kissed you, lips full of love, offering protection and solace in the distortion. He wastes no time  pulling your underwear down and slipping a hand to cup your sex, immediately giving you the pleasure he swore he could your first time together, but you had refused. He felt so good, firm and assured in his movements between your legs, but soft and caring, making you feel special in his touch.

You spit in your hand and begin to jerk his cock as you both laid there, your giant belly getting in the way. “Usually wetter, the last month things have been… different” A bit embarrassed, you mutter into his shoulder. You were turned on, very much so, but your lower body didn’t seem to get the message. Joel never seemed to care much. You got wet eventually, especially after cumming, but the in between usually hurt.

“That’s normal.” Tommy assured. “Pregnancy hormones. But I’ll make sure you’re real wet, baby, get on your back.” Doing as you were told, you roll over, Tommy slithering his way down you and pressing affectionate kisses over your swollen stomach. “So beautiful…”

He ate you like a man starved, like a past meal on death row, desperate and savoring every last taste. Joel always felt good, so, so, good, but there was an electricity here, all the built up tension between you two, like a rubber band finally snapping and he couldn’t get enough. Tommy worshiped at the shrine of you, adoration in the prayer on his lips, his arms wrapped around your legs as you grew closer so you couldn’t wiggle away, he needed every second, every inch, every taste, every sound reclaimed for him. It was a conquest, a crusade, a burning need as he licked into your folds, pleasure and fire and love building in your core, fingers opening up to prepare you to take him, fucking into you and god, you were moaning for him.

“Tommy! Tommy please make me cum, please, I’ll make you feel so good, I’ll do anything you want, just-”

“Lay there and take it, princess, that’s all you gotta do.” His head dived back between your legs and eagerly devoured, lips latching on your swollen mound, sucking noisily, soaking your as promised. Two fingers turned into three, and while his lips sucked his tongue flicked at your clit, causing your legs to shake. You entangle your fingers in his long, dark locks, having grown longer since you’ve seen him last and yank him towards you. You didn’t need to guide him, you didn’t need his tongue deeper inside you; he knew what he was doing. What you needed was something to grip onto as your world shattered around you. Tommy was always who you reached for. Everything you needed, Tommy did his best to provide, and when you were terrified, as Joel dragged you away to kill you, all you wanted was your Tommy. You screamed his name as you did now. Gushing cum on his face, you yank at his hair and fuck his face while you ride out your orgasm on his still moving mouth.

Vaguely, you register him kissing his way up your body, laying around you as he couldn’t lay on top, Tommy kissed you back to life, finding his soft eyes staring at you as you open your own… 

“You still want me?” He asks, a rough but caring hand stroking your face.

“More than anything.”

He was careful, he always was with you, treating you like a fragile porcelain doll, but you promised him you could take it and he sped up, fucking you, really fucking you the way you had wanted for months after you grew comfortable in that house. He knelt before you knees on the hard floor but showed no signs of pain as his hips snapped into you, your moans growing louder.

“Tommy!” You call out for him, ecstasy building inside you like the sweat on his forehead.

“Right here honey, I’m right here.” He rubbed your knee that he had braced himself on. “Neve gonna leave you again, I promise.”

“You- you promise?” Looking up at him from this angle… he looked god-like. Tan and strong, but handsome and kind… you wanted him forever, you wanted only him and for him to have only you. He filled you up over and over and over, your hips canting up to meet him.

“Promise, princess. I’ll never leave you, ever. You’re mine.”

His.

“I’m yours” You whine for him, on the precipice of your climax, you just needed…

“And I’m yours. Now, I need you to come, and when you do, I want you to scream my name, okay? Can you do that for me, beautiful girl?” His hand was on your hip, large and rough and covering Joel’s initially branded on you.

You’re panting heavily, so, so close when he sets a brutal pace, spilling you over. 

Tommy thinks this is the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. All the times you called for him when you needed him, when Joel was done, when you were hungry or needed to use the bathroom or just were lonely, none of it compared to this…

You scream for him, crying out loudly as he continues to thrust into you, talking you through it like he had the panic attack that had overtaken you when you gave him your virginity.

“Just like that, honey, good girl.” He coo’s, ever letting up on your sensitive cunt. “So pretty coming on my cock, love when you scream my name… there you go, pretty little thing…”

Tommy was right. He made you scream his name louder than Joel’s.

When he came inside you, claiming you as his in a primal, animalistic sense, the cold began to settle on the sheen of sweat between you, and Tommy pulled a blanket over you. A little rest before heading out.

“Did you mean what you said?” You ask.

He didn't need clarification. Tommy knew you well enough. “Yeah, I did. I’m gonna stay with you, honey.”

“What about Maria?”

A fair question, but Tommy sighed nonetheless. “I’ll send word I won't’ be come’n back… I think… I think she knew, she knew before I ever did.”

When the two of you set out on the road again, you wanted to walk for a while. All the riding the last day made you sore and you just walked to stretch your legs, aching joints and pregnant body needing movement. You and Tommy talked, really talked about the future, what it would look like in Boston, wherever it is exactly Lorenzo and Zach had for you… Someone Tess knew? A couple who had been a ‘doomsday prepper’ before… You wouldn’t live on their farm, but in a house nearby. Somewhere fairly safe for you and your baby, and Lorenzo, Zach and Tommy to protect it… Tommy confirmed what you had secretly hoped but could never ask. He’d be your baby's father, he’d raise them with you, loving it as his own.

“Well ain’t that sweet.” You freeze in place when you hear Joel’s voice, the older brother stepping into sight from a tree, gun pointed at you and Tommy. “Fucked my wife, stealing my daughter,” he looks at Tommy. “I can’t believe you’d sink this low, Tommy.”

The irony of who was sinking low was lost on Joel, Tommy was aware. There was no point fighting it. One hand held the reigns of the horse, his right was in the air as yours were. “Joel, c’mon, I know damn well you aren’t going to hurt either one of us so just let-” He was cut off by his own scream, falling against the horse and gripping his upper arm.

“TOMMY!” You scream for him, rushing to his side before Joel shouts to get away. You want to help Tommy… but you had a duty to your child, a duty you knew Tommy would understand. You cried, looking him over. He was still standing, clearly in pain, but blood shooting out of his arm. Nothing vital.

Joel only looked at you. “That’s right, scream his name, little one. Always his name, isn’t it?” Joel stepped forward, ignoring Tommy’s anguished plea’s for him to stay away from you; Joel’s sights were on you and you alone. Nothing else existed, not even his bleeding baby brother. “Sceam’n for him when you think I’m hurting you, when you think I’ve been cruel, when you want his company because I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH”

You barely registered your own tears, the trembling in your stance, knowing there was nothing you could do.

“That’s how I found you, heard you screaming my own fucking brothers name like a whore in that cabin while pregnant with my daughter!”

Shaking your head, you take a weak step back. “Joel, please, I was scared. I was so scared, you tried to kill me-”

“Is that what you think that was?” A cruel, mocking laugh escaped him in his mania before turning to Tommy. “Is that what she told you, Thomas? ‘Oh Tommy!’” His voice was light and girlish as he mimicked you. “‘Oh Tommy, Joel’s so mean to me!’ Well that ain’t the truth. She’s a cheating whore, and she needs to do better for Sarah, so I’m trying to teach her.” 

Out of the corner of your eyes, you can see the visible confusion on Tommy’s face turn into shock and horror. “Sarah? Jesus Joel! Is that what all this is? You’re trying to recreate Sarah? Or is it the picket fence two parent household you never got with her?” 

“Don’t talk about her!” Joel screamed at the younger man, his attention turning to Tommy, and you watched for your chance.

“SARAH IS DEAD! SHE’S DEAD AND SHE’S NOT COMING BACK!” His next words… Tommy didn’t mean, not one single bit, he witnessed himself how much Joel tried to save his child, the little girl who was the entire world to him… But he needed Joel’s attention on him, he needed to be the focus of Joel’s anger. “SARAH IS DEAD AND IT’S YOUR FAULT!”

You take a step back.

“SHUT UP!” Another scream from Joel.

“MY NIECE IS DEAD BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T LOVE HER ENOUGH TO TRY HARDER-”

“SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH!”

But Tommy already moved, Joel’s teary eyes and blinding anger slowing his perception and Tommy moved the barrel of the gun away from him and you before Joel took the shot.

“RUN!”

And you did. You didn’t know where to, but you ran for your life, for your babies. Hearing a gun go off again, you stop briefly wondering if you just heard either the man you loved or the father of your child die… but there was no time to mourn or think, you needed to go. 8 months pregnant, you do everything you can to keep running, but you are stopped by a blinding pain in your stomach, causing you to scream before you can even stop yourself.

When it fades, you open your eyes to see an infected.

There was no time for pain.

Contractions going again, you prayed for another round of braxton-hicks and not actual labor, you prayed Tommy was alive, you prayed the infected behind you couldn’t move fast due to one thing or another… but you couldn’t stop to look. The adrenalynn did most of the work, as did sheer willpower. You didn’t think you could power through running so fast and so long if it was just you, but the mother instinct to protect this baby went above everything. Like a blessing, you see the cabin you had stayed at and took off towards it, infected at your heels, horrific noises that you shall surely hear the rest of your life should you survive this letting you know there was no time to even wince at a particularly sharp contraction. They were not spaced… and if Lorenzo was right, and if this wasn’t braxton-hicks…. You were going to give birth in this cabin.

The slam of the door behind you did not save you, as soon you found yourself sitting in an empty room with a chair propped against the door as the infected tried to get in, your switchblade gripped in your hands, as the baby tried to come out.

You can’t help but scream in pain; the infected already knew where you were, it was only a matter of time until it came in and you had to be face to face with it for the first time. You’d seen them from afar of course, but you had never been close; someone always protected you, Zach, Lorenzo, Tommy, Joel… you’re whole life you had depended on men to save you from other men and a litany of evils in this world and none of them had been able to stop this. No one stepped in between you and your dad, no one stepped in between you and Joel, and no one would step between you and this abomination… 

But you’d try your damndest to step between your baby and whatever might harm them, and if that meant facing this infected, you’d do it.

When it burst in, you don’t bother hiding our scream; they looked horrific and the sounds were just as bad, but god, the smell was nauseating to your pregnant senses. None of that compared to the genuine fear as you fought for your life and for this baby. The creature was right in your face as you stabbed him, the jackknife now successfully ending two threats to you; the infected and Nick.

The moment you have to breath is gone when you hear the cry of your baby on the floor. You had given birth to a baby girl, just as Joel wanted, alone, with a bite on your leg.

You were infected, and this baby would grow up without a mom and with a psychopath rapist and murder for a dad. Tommy was surely dead, and even if Joel found you in the cabin she’d grow up with Joel. You didn’t believe he’d sexually abuse her, but physically? She’d be lucky if she made it to 10, not the mention the other men around her…

There was no time to cry or to smile, you couldn’t rejoice in the birth of this little girl or cry at the circumstances, you thought back to what Maura instructed you, Joel, and Lorenzo to do in the event you gave birth without her. Using that knife, you cut the cord and tie it.

Had you given birth before the bite? Was she infect? Had all your efforts to protect this innocent been useless? You once again kick yourself for not leaving with Zach any of the times he offered…She’d suffer because of you, if she lived at all. 

As your daughter screams, you scream too, loud and anguished and nameless. You didn’t cry for Tommy, for Zach, for Joel, for Lorenzo or June or anyone that had ever shown they wanted to help… no, you just screamed, because there was no other option.

Tommy had seen you run and tried to follow you, tried to call to you, but you either couldn’t hear him or could defier his voice from Joel who was currently crippled with a shot leg… Tommy couldn’t bring himself to kill Joel… he couldn’t. No matter how much of a big game he talked, Joel was still his big brother, and despite the telling signs of aging and the obvious way Joel was no longer Joel behind those eyes… They were still he eyes, and as Joel looked up at Tommy pointing the gun down on him, Tommy couldn’t fire. He couldn’t fire at the man who had saved his life countless times, the father of his niece, the father of the baby he had swore to raise as his own, and despite the way Joel had clearly lost his mind, lost all sense of reality… Tommy couldn’t kill his brother because yes, that was still his brother.

When he found you, it didn’t take long to figure out what happened, with the baby in your arms and the infected on the ground… your bite was clear and prominent.

“Oh honey… no…” Tommy dropped the gun on the floor and likewise dropped to his knees as he walked to you and the child. A little girl… 

“Tommy, please, please take her. If you don’t want her, take her to Zach and Lorenzo, just please take her-”

“I’ll take her, I’ll raise her, I swear.” Maria and him had talked about kids before… would she want this? Tommy couldn’t stop looking you over, he couldn’t process that you had been bit… this wasn’t a rattlesnake bite, there wasn’t a way to get the venom out… it was over. “I’m sorry.” He cried, tears flowing over before he registered they were coming. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, I’m sorry-”

“Tommy” You stop him, tears matching his. “Tommy, it's okay. Just protect her, okay? That’s what matters now, her.” Everything hurt, and you could swear there was something already changing in you, but maybe it was in your head.

Heavy boots clomping on the floor. “Get away from her.” Joel spoke, his voice low and dark, despite being unarmed. You notice his limp and the blood… Tommy hadn’t shot Joel to kill… and had greatly underestimated what Joel would do to get to you, including walking on a shot leg.

Tommy didn’t even turn around, still holding you and his, yes his baby, because there was no way in hell Joel was walking out with her. “She’s infected, Joel.”

Joel didn’t reply, and you looked up at him over Tommy’s shoulder, confirming it. You nudge Tommy to move, revealing his daughter. You speak before Tommy does. “I cut the cord before I was bit.” Your eyes dart to Tommy. “Before.” You lied, and you knew it was dangerous… but you needed your daughter to have a fighting chance.

Joel shook his head. “No, no we’ll get you help, theres gotta be-”

Grabbing his gun, Tommy turned around. “THERE’S NO HELP, JOEL!” He shouts. “This is your fault! This is all your fault and you can’t fix it!” His steps were long and quick, pinning an unarmed Joel to the wall gun to his head. Tommy was shaking, but you didn’t need to aim to shoot point blank. “I’ll fucking kill you for what you did to them.”

For once, you believed it. 

And it seems Joel did too. “That’s my daughter, Tommy. Yuh ain’t take’n her.” But Joel’s voice was weak, small… 

“Yes he is, Joel.” You speak from the floor. “He’s taking her, and one of you needs to kill me.”

Both of Miller brother turn to you at that, anguish and pain in Tommy’s eyes. “I… I can’t do that… I can’t… Honey, no…” You knew how badly he was hurting right now… but you didn’t want Joel dead, and someone needed to do it. You didn’t know how long you had.

“I know, Tommy. I know.” You smile sympathetically at your lover, and beckon him towards you. Tommy gives Joel a warning look, but takes the pistol off his brother and comes to you. “I know. I know you can’t and that’s okay. You take he, that’s what you need to do for me, okay?” Looking down at the crying baby in your arms you give her a kiss and whisper that you love her before pushing her into Tommy’s welcoming arms. “I know you feel guilty…” Reaching up to touch his face one last time, you smile as he leans into your touch. “Sweet, sweet boy… you have nothing to be ashamed of, you’ve always done right by me. But if you feel you need absolution, this is your chance.”

Tommy looked at the little girl in his arms… she was so small, so fragile… but he would protect her, he would do right by her the way he couldn’t do to you. She was his baptism, his new life, a fresh start. He was a father now. “I will” He looked at you again.

“Her name is Ellie” Fimly, you spoke it into truth. “It’s not Dorthy, it’s not Dolly, its Ellie.” Looking up at Joel, the hurt clear on his face at the erasure of what he wanted to give her, you offer a small mercy, the middle name he agreed on, named after the singer he liked so much, and your friend back home. “Ellie June.”

Tommy nodded. “Ellie June, it’s beautiful.” He touched his forehead to you softly and you slipped your hand to touch Ellie’s little toes. This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none, and this little piggy cried wee, wee, wee… “I’ll never forget you, and I’ll make sure she knows about you, okay? She’s gonna know who you are.”

“Zach… please, get word to Zach somehow, tell him he’s an uncle.”

“I will, I swear.”

“And Lorenzo, Lorenzo said he’d be the godfather. Please thank him for everything he’s done for me.” You sob thinking about your best friend.

“I will, I’ll tell him.”

“And Zach, please tell him I love him so much, and thank him for being my big brother.”

“They both love you, hermosa, I know they do.” He stroked your hair with his free hand.

“Tommy, one more thing?”

“Anything”

“June, please, can you find her? Tell her I loved her, she’s Ellie godmother in spirit.”

“Abslutly, is there anyone else? I’ll do it.”

You shake your head, tears flying as you do. “No, those three… they are all I know- wait, Maura and Jack, Jack risked everything to help me escape, and Maura with my pregnancy” You chuckle a bit. “Who knew dying had so many many loose ends to tie up” You hadn’t realized… you had grown a small community. It had taken a village to keep you and your baby alive.

He smiled. “I’ll tell them all, honey, I promise, especially Zach.” Tommy had an older brother too, and a;thought his had turn into a monster, he understood the love of a protective brother, and would not be who he is without Joel in their childhood and youth.

You whisper a thank you, before sealing his promises with a tearful kiss. When Tommy pulled away, you knew it was time…

“Goodbye Ellie, mommy loves you.”

Then, it was just you and Joel. 

“I never wanted this, little one.” He spoke, voice filled with sincerity and pain. “I know you think I hate you, that I want you to hurt-”

“I don’t think that Joel.” You deny his accusation, but you are honest. For once, you can be honest. “I think you’re a broken man who doesn’t know how to love, but I don’t think you hate me, and I don’t know you never wanted any of this.”

“I loved you! Everything I did was for you!”

“You almost killed me-”

“THAT WAS FOR YOU!” He screamed at you, but it wasn’t rage or fury, it was wretched and broken and him. A heart broken father who had lost his daughter, and is now about to lose his wife, and if Tommy can help it, his brother and baby.

Closing your eyes, you move on. “You can’t have her, Joel.”

He steps closer, boots loud against the creaking floor. “Tommy ain’t taking my daughter, I ain’t losing her.”

A dry laugh. “I’m not sure you ever loved Ellie-”

“Her names not Ellie, it’s Dolly-”

“You loved Sarah, and Ellie was a replacement. What if we had a boy, Joel? C’mon. Let her be, let them go.” Couldn’t he give you this? A deathbed wish to save your baby… 

“No.” But you could tell he was wavering. “That’s my daughter.”

“What’s your plan then? You don’t have day care. The only raiders you could have trusted with her are Tommy and Lorenzo and they are gone. You can’t do it alone… You’ve seen those men gang rape women, you think they won’t rape Ellie?”

“Stop calling her that.”

“You think they won’t beat her, touch her? Even if they don’t, is she suppossed to grow up around violence and rape? You gotta think this through, Joel! There’s no day care, no PTO, you’re two top men just left you, you can’t keep her safe! You can’t protect her, she’s gonna die like-”

“Fine!”

There's a long, shocked silence between the two of you, the gravity of what he’s agreed to give up… You weren’t sure if you believed in god, and if you did, whose god it was… you weren’t sure you believed in an afterlife, or anything of the sort. But if you did… you could be convinced that Sarah’s spirit touched Joel, breaking through his obsession, his mental illness, the delusions he had… to keep her little sister safe. 

“I’ll… she can go with Tommy.” Heartbroken, Joel acquiesced, then knelt in front of your exhausted body. “I know you don’ think I loved you, but… just know I cared, okay? I just-”

“I believe you.” You took in his scent once more. “For what it’s worth, I think maybe we loved each other in our own sick way… It was always gonna end like this… ” You push the jackknife into his hands.

“Where did you get this?” Joel referenced the knife with wooden encasing. 

“Nick’s skeleton.”

Joel couldn’t help but smile “Brave girl” He kissed you, and you allowed it, wanting to taste him just one more time. 

Knife in grip, you taking rough hand and bring it to your throat, tucked under your chin just beneath where your wet faces pressed together, foreheads and noses and lips melding into one as he could consume your soul, bring you into him forever.

“I love you, little one. Always have.”

“And I loved you, Joel.”

“What’s that song you like?”

“Red River Valley”

“Yeah, that’s the one. How did that last line start?”

You smile, eyes closed, and start singing it. “Come and sit by my side if you love me…”

Joel joined in the pair of you singing together. “Do not hasten to bid me adieu, but remember the the red river valley” You’re voice choked up so bad on the last word, you couldn’t finish it.

You think back to the night Ellie was conceived, the night Tommy left, they way Joel fucked you, words uttering into life the possession he had over you. It was foolish to think you could be free of him in this life. That pain? The pain is mine. Your cries are mine, your cunt is mine. And if you bleed?

Joel sang the last line for you, voice as soft as a whisper.. “And the cowboy who loved you so true.”

His lips pressed a final kiss and you felt the sharp pain and oozing liquid leaving you, your gasps and cries of pain stifled by his mouth. Eventually, the warmth of the blood enveloped you into darkness, and the agony of this life you were subjected to since childhood ended.

If you bleed? Your blood is mine.

Joel inhaled your last breath into his, sucking in the evidence of your life with his lips attached to yours until his head grew dizzy from lack of oxygen. Your blood was cooling on his body.

Joel limped out of the room, covered in her blood, only to find Tommy rocking a baby in one arm and a gun aimed at Joel with the other, tears streaming down his face.

“You killed her.” Tommy stated the obvious.

Not even bothering to raise his hands, Joel replied. “The infected killed her, Tom-”

“No.” The low tone of voice warned of something serious, and Joel pondered if Tommy was capable of actually killing him. “You did this. All of this. This last year you beat and tortured and raped her and made her think this was love. Calling her your wife, Joel?” Tommy shook his head in disgust. “I didn’t think you were capable of this, even after everything.”

Joel glowered his eyes at Tommy, not happy to have this talk again. “I didn’t see you ever stop’n me, Tommy.”

“No.” Tommy’s answer was candid. “That’s my cross to bare. And she-” he needed down to the sleeping baby in his arms. “She’s my vindication, and I’m gonna do right by her.”

Joel held out his hands, causing Tommy to step back. “Give me my daughter, Tommy.”

Worry crossed his face. “You promised-”

“I just wanna say goodbye” It was rare Joel spoke like this… so quiet, so soft… But Tommy didn’t trust him. “No, you-you’ll hurt her.”

The way Joel looked in Tommy’s eyes was earnest… so much hurt and sadness Tommy felt like he was actually looking at his brother again… “I’d never hurt my daughter.”

Tommy believed him. “Gun to your head the whole time. You try to take her away, I shoot you.”

“Okay.”

He was right, the gun was pressed to his head as Joel said his goodbye. “I love you. No matter what anyone tells you, I love you, and I loved your mom. She’s up in heaven watching out for you, she’s there with your big sister, your grandparents, everyone. They love you, just like I do, just like Tommy does. I’m gonna protect you still, okay? Jackson is under my protection, nothing bad’s gonna happen to you or your family.” Joel will protect his daughter with his life, and that means protecting those who care for her. Tommy, Maria, all of Jackson. As long as she's taken care of they are safe. “I love you, baby girl.”

Hesitantly, Joel handed Ellie back to Tommy, her new daddy, and he felt like he was letting go of a peace of himself. Nother brother bothered hiding the tears.

“I never want to see your face again, Joel. Do not come near me or my child ever again.”

Joel wanted to argue, to say it was his daughter, and he could take her whenever he wanted… But she was right. Ellie was better off with Tommy. Tommy could provide a stable home, with a mom and a dad, a community to make friends, school, church, and most importantly, safety. Tommy was younger, he could keep up with a child, fight off what he needed to… Tommy was a good uncle to Sarah… he’d be a good dad to her.

“Tommy, wait” But Tommy kept walking. “Wait!”

“SHHH!” Tommy whipped around, whispering harshly. “You’ll wake her!” 

As if Joel didn’t raise a whole child himself. “Just… here.” Joel cleaned of the knife and handed it to a nervous Tommy. “For her.”

Tommy glared at the gift. “You want me to give her the knife you killed her mother with?”

“She killed the infected with it, and that’s what I killed Nick with… I used it to ortect her, and she used to to protect… Ellie.” Joel said her name outloud now. “You don’t have to tell her about me just… I want her to have something, please?”

Tommy stared at Joel for several moments. He hated Joel… but he’d always live him. Joel raised him most of his life, and they raised Sarah together. Joel was his brother, always, and the reason his now-daughter existed. “I’ll tell her about Sarah. I’ll… She’ll know she has a sister.” A fresh tear escaped, Tommy wiped it with the sleeve of the arm holding the knife as he sniffled at the mention of his precious niece he loved so much. “I dunno how I’m gonna explain the rest, but she’ll know she had a sister.” A deep breath. “And she’ll have her knife, so no matter what… you both with be protecting her, okay?”

Joel nodded.

“But you can’t go after the others. Zach, Lorenzo, Jack, Maura, got it? They are gonna suffer enough. With this news, just… leave them be.”

Joel agreed, then explained his horse is out front, a quick ride back to Jackson. Joel would walk back on his wounded leg. “Thank you, Tommy. I love you. I’m always gonna love you, even if you hate me.”

Turning on a heel, Tommy walked away, carrying little Ellie, taking off his scarf to wrap around her in the cool weather. It wasn’t anything too cold, the sun was out and shining at least, and no wind. Tommy was dead set and determined to walk away, to never speak to his brother again… but he stopped. He didn’t look back, but he spoke, quiet but just loud enough for Joel to hear. “I love you too, hermano.”

With that, Joel watched the only two things left in this life that he loved, walk away.

***********

Joel at the end, what Tommy see’s as Joel exits the room after murdering little one

Art my @melodymakesart

Continue the story 16 years latter with Ghost of You, Ellie’s journey in finding out the truth

Wow. WOW. I cannot thank you guys all enough for how much support i've gotten on this series. Biggest thank you's to the-fox-den, dinsbaby, foggymoonbanana, primos world, Fen, my dear maura, miraclesabound, not a unique snowflake blog and koshkaj for always leaving such nice comments! (everyones comments are appriacted and loved i just see these guys do it every single chapter without fail.)

also thanks to everyone who reached out about the bomb threat. we are all doing much better now.

I love you al so much and cannot ever express how much the reaction to this series has touched me.

That's right, the baby is Ellie.

I do want to say, that in this series, since reader isn't Anna, this means Ellie can look like anything, no matter the race. It just matters she's ellie and she's immune. Little one isn't a great reader, she's largely oc but i wanted to keep things as inclusive as i could instead of an OC

and i did say major character death ;-; good bye little one. You deserved better.

THOUGHTS?!?!?! shout out to spadesjade on ao3 who correctly guess that little one dies and tommy and maria raise the baby!

Remember, there's still the alt ending! This one will be a bittersweet, happier ish ending.

As always, if you hate both endings, my fics are open for you to write your own version of the end or use this universe in anyway. And if you'd like, i'll add it to the masterlist for additional reading!!!

In the mean time, come read Dirty Little Secret, my dark!joel one shot

LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

Remember, reblogs spread the work, comments motivate!!!!

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @howaboutcastiel @tidlewav3 @bunnnyy-dummy @slutfortimotheechalamet @foggymoonbanana@dinsbaby @miraclesabound @jenna-ortega @primosworld@marclovers @threeheadedlamb @secretwriterpp @the-fox-den

@bitchyglitterfox @0bsessedwithfictionalcharacters @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @lunar-ghoulie @pedritosdarling @dreamonseems @alwaysdjarin @amoramorquetepintas @milla-frenchy

[lady-green-sleeves]

One of the things I find most funny about hotd is how much they tried to make it (specifically Rhaenyra) super feminist and stuff but then completely took away her political ambitions and made her passive especially to the men in her life. I often see it said that Alicent is the passive one but imo she’s the least, even less than Rhaeynes, we often see her stand up for herself and her children, go against her husband (as much as she can he’s literally the fucking king) and even her father who’s been controlling her since forever. (Ex the whole “you can do what you like husband when I’m cold and dead” or whatever exactly it was and her standing up for Rhaenyra against the brothel claims which ended up costing her a lot)

If anything Alicent is just more level headed and has a better understanding of the feudal patriarchal society they live in and sees it much more realistically. Rhaenyra and Rhaeynes are both people who’ve given Alicent whole speeches on how much she plays into the patriarchy and how she just lives to serve the men around her when that’s what the other two have always done.

Rhaenyra is completely reliant on her father to pull her out of any mess she gets into and has no plan to actually change the order of succession to go solely by order of birth and not have gender play a role as shown by her saying Beala’s (or Rheana but pretty sure it wasBeala’s) SON would be king not like child or first born but specifically her son.

And now for Rhaeynes, she gives Alicent the stupid little window in your prison speech after pumping her 12 year old out to the king bc her husband wants his daughter on the throne and being convinced Daenyra murdered your son at said daughter’s funeral but then still being fine with your husband picking male heirs that aren’t related to you at all over your daughters own children (ik Laenor loves those boys and no matter biology was their dad but that’s not the point rn we’re talking Westeros and feudalism)

Now I could go on a whole rant about Targ women and the oppression they face in an incest blood pure obsessed family and how that could absolutely play into the way they view themselves vs Alicent but ik for a fact what I have to say isn’t at all what the show writes we’re going for when they did this.

They simply did this to make these women morally white characters instead of keeping them grey bc god forbid we have complex female characters they either need to be boring saints or psychotic harpies that will eat your soul and cut off your testicals. If they hadn’t made it seem like these two women where just giant hypocrites who didn’t understand many social and political aspects of their own world I would have liked them a lot more

[leadandblood]

PLEASE tell us more about your Crozcest interpretations of canon scenes omg 0w0

This reply has gotten SO fucking long, oh my god, Anon, what have you unleashed. (kidding, i love you, thank you so much for this ask <333333333)

Below are my thoughts and interpretations of canon scenes along with screencaps from the show. All the things below are speculation. No, these characters are not related whatsoever in the show. I made this AU up bc it's fun. Don't go into the soup store if you hate soup. Don't read this post if you hate blorbo incest. (though this post is very mild and mostly covers the basic family dynamic)

okAY OKAY, So!! Basically everything has to be viewed through a different lense, because well. they're family now! It changes Everything! So I might as well describe the whole show, but I guess for this post, I can start with ep 1...?

Overall

Technically Edward is better off, because he gets a higher position in the navy. He has influence, he has command, he can order men around as he likes as long as it's something a lieutenant can do. It's possible to think Francis likes him more because of this BUT!

Thomas gets to be way closer to Francis and is allowed to spend more time with him and has way less weight and expectations placed on his shoulders. Many of the tasks he has to do are controlled by Francis, are always the same and don't require much from him apart from physical labor. It's basically "I want to keep you as close as possible on this journey without burdening you too much or raising suspicions". That of course doesn't prevent Tom from working his ass off, but we'll get to that at some point.

Alternative first scene (Francis & Edward)

In one of the cuts, the first scene we get of Francis is with Edward (ignoring Blanky). And he's being all fatherly and friendly and touchy, which is actually adorable. All is well! I'm soft.

Despite everything, especially earlier into the journey, Francis doesn't dislike Edward all that much. When he's in a good mood, one could even say he loves him. Edward has been capable - he's a good lieutenant, when they're actually sailing and when he knows what to do. I'd say Francis is proud of him at least a bit at the start of the show, even though he wouldn't admit it.

(sorry for the shitty screencaps i only have this cut in 720p)

Then there's of course Edward's yay, daddy, hi! 🥰🥰 expression which is beyond adorable. I love him very much.

Alternative first scene #2 (Francis & Thomas)

In the bluray version (and netflix, too, i believe) Francis's first scene is with Thomas. Which in itself is crazy to me like. The fact they chose Jopson and Little specifically to accompany Francis in his first ever scenes!! Bonkers in the best way possible. (and also HIGHLY convinient for this AU reading lmaooo) Anyway.

Tom's cunty little head wiggle here is everything to me. When your dad goes on another rant abt how much he hates your auntie who comes over to visit once a month and you just have to endure it and nod along.

I think Francis is that sort of parent you've had to comfort when you were a kid. They'd pour their heart out to you about their problems (which you could do nothing about). And despite how small you were, you were expected to respond maturely and to not only bear your parent's tears, but to comfort them. This of course is an insane burden to give to a child, who WILL then feel responsible and WILL feel like they have to do something, yet can't. (Been there, felt that. Sorry Tom)

I think he has had to do that since he was young and that's why he's good at it now compared to Edward. He had time to practise and to learn to bear these sessions from Francis. Tom locks his own emotions up to let his father's flow over him. He might then release them somewhere else ehm ehm, Edward.

Overall terribly unhealthy, but very good angst material.

On a sillier note, Tom stop looking at him like that that's your father ffs-

2nd scene (Dinner on Terror)

Here's just a moment to appreciate this quick glance at Francis (and also how pretty Edward is)

Something something Edward being the one at a table, dining with his father and the officers while Thomas is the one serving them. Something something, useful youngest child, something something a-prize-to-show-to-others eldest child. Tickles my brain.

Also I can't help but imagine Edward looking over to Tom anytime his sleeves slide up a bit when he stretches out to pour them a glass like 👀

Then Francis's moment of "can't believe you'd betray me like that, Edward". To look at Fitzjames with such admiration and interest and to ask questions while barely looking at Francis at all throughout the dinner must be so humbling lmao. (it drives him mad)

I think this is part of the reason why he then makes the Birdshit island comment. It's not 100% aimed at James, but at Edward also, although indirectly. "You think he's so great? Well I don't. And it disappoints me that you do."

Toxic parent Francis go woooooo.

Anyway, then there's this glance which Edward quickly ignores. "Are you hearing this shit?" "oh my god dad shut uppp🙄"

Trust (Erebus visit)

When the officers from Terror visit Erebus after she's injured, Edward stays behind, presumably to watch the ship and keep command while the rest of them are gone, which I think is a great show of trust on Francis's part. Francis, Blanky, Hodgson and Irving are all on Erebus... He's really quite alone and although it's for only a short while and they still feel safe, I think it's notable how much he trusts Edward.

Anyway.

Then there's a whole lot of nothing until the ice cutting scene which i JUST noticed btw aksndgkejf Hi Tommy. I don't think Francis would order him to do it. Rather, I choose to believe he volunteered.

He's always wanted to be stronger and better and to keep going and keep pushing and most importantly to be better than Edward. That's why I think he'd volunteer. Though it may have also been an ''everybody needs to help'' situation, where they were way too desperate to waste a pair of perfectly good hands.

Conclusion to ep 1

We mostly got Francis's POV in this episode, but that's okay. There will be time for the sons too.

Overall I think Francis likes both his sons, though in very different ways and the first ep is a great display of that. He may also be conflicted about the ways in which he shows this, but doesn't know how to do any better, so he just keeps at it. It gets worse as the show progresses, but I'd be getting ahead of myself with that.

Edward Francis wants to push through the stress and burdens of command so that he comes out of it better. Not only that, he trusts that Edward can manage it. That, I think is a really interesting part to their dynamic. The duality of "god, you can't do anything right" and "you can manage this" (eldest daughter syndrome if i ever seen one)

Meanwhile he made Thomas a steward. He had been Francis's steward before, so he may have taken a liking to it and maybe asked his father to give him that position again. Also Francis wants to shelter him more than Ned - wants to keep him close. He's the last thing his wife gave to him before she died, so he cherishes Tom like treasure.

The first episode was for introducing characters, of course, and to set it all up, so there isn't much open conflict or relationship evolution between them Yet. That will change, though. I'm already excited to do the next episode.

I will be writing some of this into the actual fic, but I'm far from that yet, so I might as well make this post my starting point.

Um. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk 😭😭

[nekropsii]

to be fair, i think a lot of the readers choosing sexymen were also 13

1.) You do not “choose” Tumblr Sexymen, they are simply something that happens. There’s not a democratic vote on this.

2.) Literally just a false argument. I’m sorry, I know this is a casual ask, but I’m going to have to start a discussion here. I’m honestly getting sick of people immediately jumping to using the minors in fandom as a way to brush weird creepy bullshit under the rug. It’s not even an argument that makes sense when you put it under even 5 seconds of scrutiny. It’s also literally not what I was talking about.

Content Warning: Discussion of the Sexualization of Minors.

Like, I’m sorry, but I was there. The main ways these things got passed around and accepted was through creative means- meaning largely fanart and fanfiction. I can think of so many examples of the kind of content that would just wind on your dash. None of it was made by children. The most notable art sexualizing 13 year olds were not made by people of that same age. It was people in their 20s and 30s. It was grown ass adults.

Yes, a lot of kids had crushes on Homestuck characters. A lot of kids still do. But this is not about them. For the most part, they were not the people making and distributing popular art of visibly 13 year old characters getting it on with either other 13 year olds or their relatives. Teens can have crushes on other teens, but the open fetishistic sexualization of minors, of pedophilia, and of incest was normalized by a bunch of grown ass adults pumping out a lot of content about it that was pretty decent in quality.

It is not the fault of children that grown adults make porn of child characters, and it is not the fault of children that they liked it. It is the fault of grown adults that they made porn of child characters. I am so tired of how whenever one criticizes sexualization of child characters in fandom, the blame is always shifted onto the kids within that fandom. This is not their fucking fault. Can we please stop acting like this is their fault?

Yes, there were kids in the Homestuck fandom. Yes, there still are kids in the Homestuck fandom. They were not the ones doing the bulk of the behavior I’m criticizing. They were engaging, yes, but that does not make them the problem, and that does not mean they were the ones who started the problem or are perpetuating it. And they certainly weren’t the people getting popular off that content. They weren’t the ones normalizing adults being creepy to and about kids. They are not the source here. They are not the blame. I’m tired of everyone turning them into the issue. We have got to start talking about the actual fucking issue here.

[nerves-nebula]

heyo, uh sorry for the super long message, and sorry this question is a little strange or somethin, you dont have to answer it, but youre like the only person i have seen on the internet comfortably talk about csa, and i wanted to just kinda say ive been debating including csa in one of my characters backstories but im nervous i will misrepresent it or something (i have experience with being sexually harrassed/coerced when i was a teenager but it wasnt drastic and i am not a victim of csa) and i guess i wanted advice. i don't want it to seem like its for cheap shock value, i do want to make it thematically relevant. the character, who i will call S for conveniance, was raised in isolation by their mother for their entire childhood and was abused and neglected, and S was raised to be "bait" for people to lure them in so their mother could eat them (uh. yeah cannibalism is here too. their backstory is already fucked up without the csa) i have a basic idea for how the csa starts, how it incorporates itself into the story and how S is affected by it, but i dont know, im nervous about including any of this because again, its a serious topic, and i want to portray it in a way that doesnt feel like its there just to make the reader disgusted. so if you have any pointers for me i'd appreciate that. again no big deal if you dont answer this

well it sounds like you've already made it thematically relevant with the whole "raised to be bait" thing so good job. I can absolutely see myself reading a story like that and thinking "this would be improved with csa but the author probably didnt wanna go there" cuz I can't imagine a situation in which a child is created for and frequently put in that kind of danger for the parents benefit that wouldn't somehow cross over into CSA or at least emotionally incestuous behavior.

it makes sense to be nervous when writing about it but without exact examples i can't really tell you if i think you're off base on anything. im not sure if any of the general pointers i COULD give would be very helpful on account of i'm not the end all be all of csa representation haha. my situation wasn't even that bad, i'm just inordinately fixated on it for some reason.

some people will tell you that under no circumstances should you write a graphic csa scene. this comes from an understandable place where in the past a lot of csa in media has been very uhhhh exploitative i guess? just for shock value, like you said here? which can be alienating and hurtful and rely on unrealistic tropes and spread misinformation and a lot of bad stuff. but i personally like when things get a bit graphic, its why i liked The Incest Diary so much. it really depends on the tone of the story and you're just gonna have to accept that you're not gonna please everyone.

as for less/non-graphic csa portrayals theres this article by this author Rene Denfeld which i really like and respect. i've read her books The Child Finder and The Butterfly Girl and i think they're both good examples of portraying explicitly that a child was raped, focusing on the childs inner world, and what its like to live with and cope with that trauma afterwards, all without anything very explicit.

as a side note, i don't think that "Trying to make the reader disgusted" is a bad reason to include it. i dont think you need a higher justification to write about csa other than "I Wanted To." that doesnt mean i always enjoy or agree with how ppl write about it but trying to evoke disgust isnt inherently bad because it is disgusting. I often evoke disgust with my art even when I don't mean to just because people are more sensitive to it than I am.

but being overly cautious about writing about csa, to the point that you don't even include it, means that most of the ppl writing about it will either be dickheads who don't care at all about being sensitive and victims of csa themselves and when those are the two main categories things get iffy and stressful and the survivors voices often get drowned out. im not gonna go into why cuz that'll take foreverrrrr. but my point is that I don't believe CSA is worse than like, death, or grief or murder or something. you can write about it if you wanna you dont need an excuse.

[juniperhillpatient]

ok I’m like… back to this. I do love that the coffin of andy & leyley is so brutally bluntly HORROR as in not pg 13 blumhouse ghost horror movies that shy away from anything too taboo but horror that’s meant to offend & upset. I like the way it sees shit you’re not “supposed” to talk about & goes as hard as it can like - I don’t think at this point it’s a secret to literally anyone who follows me or has ever discussed fiction with me ever that the controversial or daring are obvious draws for me in any genre but particularly my favorite genre of horror.

like an anon suggested this to me, I saw the words “cannibalism” “incest” & “botched satanic ritual” as soon as I googled & was ready to check it out BUT I think it’s worth noting that it’s not the dark concepts themselves that got this game its well earned hype or that ensure that it lives rent free in my head & the heads of other fans.

I think the writers have created really compelling & complex multilayered characters & a fascinating storyline with a lot of questions left unanswered about the nature of these demons & of human souls & the world these characters inhabit & I’m being so sincere here I also think it’s a really thought provoking critique or at least exploration of the american nuclear family.

I already said this but I would’ve stopped caring pretty fast if andrew & ashley were not more than their archetypes which SURE are fun we love a quirky evil girlboss & her simp boyfriend brother but the fun archetypes are not enough on their own to keep me hooked. luckily, these are some of the least 1 dimensional characters I’ve ever seen. this got carried away talking about how good I think the game is & giving an obligatory disclaimer that yeah, I totally got into it initially for shallow & edgy reasons lol but I actually wanted to talk about the themes because I genuinely think it’s an incredibly well crafted story. anyway -

I think it’s really interesting that ashley is the one that is originally shown believing / hoping their mom hasn’t truly abandoned them. andrew discourages her from having hope in their mom or considering trying to find her until it’s about finding sacrifices for the demon & getting money. yet this initial dynamic is totally forgotten once they’re home. ashley just wants to kill these motherfuckers while andrew is busy playing mind games & - one might argue- playing house / pretending be a happy family. it’s andrew who is offered the olive branch. who we see considering sparing his parents or at least feeling conflicted about killing them. in the flashbacks we see that “andy” was forced to take care of “leyley” & she uses it against him “mom says you have to play with me.”

ashley is so depressingly achingly desperate for any hint of affection & it’s so obvious the reason she’s latched into andrew is that he’s the only one who’s ever chosen her. that’s why she’s so obsessed with calling andrew “andy” despite the conflict it constantly creates. andy helped her hide a body. a possibly hot take but I don’t think leyley was going “yay murder” in her child brain - I don’t think she cared that the girl died don’t get me wrong - but I do believe it was an accident. this is a happy memory though because it’s the only time in ashley’s entire life that someone has chosen her with that level of commitment. yet for andrew it’s horrific & traumatic & he wants to get away from it - or so he tells himself. maybe his parents were decent to him or at least not actively hateful how they were to ashley but it’s abundantly clear based on the fact the story’s premise relies on them leaving him to fucking starve to death that they do not give a fuck about him.

when mrs. graves tells andrew that there’s still hope for him & that she always cared about him the compliments she chooses are telling - they thought he was easy, quiet, a good kid - they thought they could have another (& hand her off to him to take care of). and ofc it’s worth noting mrs. graves only says all this to save her own skin & would never freely talk about caring about andrew.

so andy is living this cold not abusive but certainly empty & devoid of nurturing life & along comes leyley. she’s annoying & needy but she loves him with such reckless abandon. adult ashley’s words say it all. “If only you could love me with half the heart I love you with.” but he DOES he just doesn’t know how to show it the way she does. so he chooses her again & again & tries to make her happy with violence & bending to her will & showing her he’d do anything for her with everything he can except the one thing she wants which is simple affection.

as things get more & more dire ashley gets more abusive, controlling & manipulative embodying the worst aspects of her mother - a cold heartless bitch who never cared about anyone but herself - & andrew gets more & more apathetic just like his worthless father who’s barely even a person in his wife’s shadow.

it’s a really tragic story & I love this idea of characters on the run but they’re really running from themselves & that’s something you can never escape. how telling is it that the one thing ashley doesn’t want is to be buried in the same grave as her parents? but this story is about a grave it’s always been about a coffin in one way or another, they thought they escaped when they got out of the apartment but they’re still in it because they’ll always still be in it, you can’t escape from who you are at your core & there’s a reason ashley having tarred soul is such a glaring theme & episode 2 (in some versions) ends with andrew gaining a mark on his hand from the demon. they’re marked & there’s no escape. I’m sorry it’s just REALLY good horror. ok I’m done for now