#as a person who spent their teens developing nothing but friendships like this: many such cases.

[gothlion]

morrigan and f!warden is peak “that one extremely close friendship with gay undertones you had with another girl that felt like a traumatic breakup when you fell out with each other despite never being actually romantically involved” to me and I won’t shut up about it, ever, actually

[saveraedae]

Late Indie Animation Day Post (A thread)

Pouring my heart out edition

Nothing new to show for myself this go around, but hi! I'm Saver! I'm making The Mark Side— a comedy about queer teens in Texas with an underlying personal story about life, mental health, & navigating friendship with a best friend who wants nothing to do with you!

My thread here is less about the series' content, but about my journey as a creator through the years, and my gameplan for it moving forward. If you wanna learn about the series itself check out this post or go to the official TMS website.

But if you've never heard of me— hi!

I'm Saver! An artist, storyteller, and animator!

A bunch of personal and sappy stuff below the cut!

I am not new to the indie animation scene by any means. Just a very small creator with a tiny reach. My journey in beginning to develop TMS as a show kicked off in 2016 when I was only 13.

During this time I made lots of little productions with TMS, most of which had pretty sub-par quality. (I was a kid with no experience after all.)

They're all still out there if you go looking for them!

But hey, I set out to make stuff and guess what? That's what I did!

In 2020, I released an animatic titled "Friend Fiction," which serves as both the pilot as well as episode 1 to the show. I was in high school during its creation and had no idea what I was doing, and it shows! But guess what? I set out to make something, and did exactly that.

Episode 2, "An In-Tents Trip" is currently in production. It will feature a huge increase in production quality, full animation, and will serve as the proof of concept for the show as a whole! (A bit messy with the proof of concept to pilot pipeline, but it's got the spirit!)

Throughout the years I've been through so many personal struggles, both related to TMS and not. There's been countless times where I felt like I was at my breaking point, or like I wasn't good enough. But I kept pushing through, because I wanted to see the show come to life.

I've spent my whole life up until recently living with undiagnosed neurodivergence and untreated mental health issues, and only a short time ago did I realize that despite all of that, I always held onto my one goal: To make a cartoon and tell a story.

Ever since I was a young child, even before TMS existed, I always knew I wanted to make cartoons. Not just any cartoons, my own cartoons. I remember being just 4 years old and daydreaming about spearheading my own production, telling my own stories and entertaining others.

A handful of indie cartoons nowadays, much like industry produced cartoons, feature full teams managing each department, as well as several to many other animators. Which is cool as hell! Who would have thought that one day animation would come to this point?

GLITCH and Spindlehorse are truly blowing my mind by what they have and continue to accomplish. It's really remarkable and satisfying to see as someone who grew up thinking the only way to get things in front of others was to give up control and sacrifice the quality.

Another handful of shows though, which The Mark Side falls under, has everything lead, animated, produced, and even more by just one person: the creator. There's people with enough passion to do what teams of hundreds do, just by themselves. Because they want to.

I one day aspire to expand its production to the likes of the aforementioned studios, but only time will tell if that goal will get met. Regardless, I'm going to keep going. My goal is to get a show made, and my eagerness to see it all in full one day is what drives me.

Does any of that sound messy? Unprofessional even?

It does!

And that's ok!

Indie is not the industry.

Indie is independence, and breaking free from the norm. Don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Let your passion and love for your craft drive you

I believe the best creators write and tell stories from the heart.

Not everything will look perfect, but our love for what we do is evident in everything we create, and our eagerness for the future accomplishes more than we think. That's what indie means to me.

I've been through a lot as a creator. And I'm far from meeting my goal. But the world will be ready for what I have to offer some day, and same for whoever this thread resonates with.

Until then, let's support our colleagues and let our creations guide us.

[caddyheron]

every aaron headcanon ever. go

Oh anon, what you have unlocked… sorry for whoever reads all of these. (These are mostly bway but l can be generalised to 2024 / 2004 I think, but usually, 2024 Aaron is a different person to me.)

• He’s an older brother to a younger sister, middle school aged when he’s a senior. He tries to have a good relationship with her, but she’s very much a pre-teen girl who doesn’t really like to listen to him and his parents make him drive her around a lot.

• Weird relationship with his parents. His mom wanted him to get an amazing education at Northshore and is devastated and furious when she founds out that the school found out she lied about their address. His mom claims she wants the best for him, but really she just wants him to Be Good at something. His dad is just… a typical dad. He pushes Aaron for sport, says stuff things like “good job bud” and then sort of leaves him to his mom.

• Deeply, deeply mediocre at everything. He’s never gotten above a A in a class before, even if he works at it, his standard grades are Bs and always have been. He doesn’t have a class that’s “his” in the same way Cady has AP calc, for example; he just takes classes and does okay in them. It fucks with his self esteem so much because he’s never going to be anything other than average.

• Four season athlete to try and make up for his crippling mediocrity but he’s just… average at that too. Coach Carr sort of hates him and benches him a lot.

• He does genuinely enjoy soccer though, and is friends with a lot of the people on the team. When he was younger, that was his main activity, he really enjoys it, even if he’s just okay at it.

• A very, very long list of allergies: pollen, animal fur, peanuts, tree nuts, penicillin, dust and Regina’s hand cream. He doesn’t talk about any of them to Cady when they first start dating because he can’t handle being “flawed”.

• His entire time with Regina was spent being her trophy, a prize, the caricature of a perfect person, so he doesn’t know how to be anything else for a long time. If he isn’t perfect for her, a perfect boyfriend, then he is truly nothing at all.

• Post-Regina, he starts having panic attacks. He was a sort of anxious person before and during, but after Regina, he starts having panic attacks he can’t control even a little and he is so embarrassed by them because he can’t stop it. And he can’t reach out for help.

• Ms Norbury has taught him every year of high school and she’s such a comfort teacher for him; after he breaks up with Regina for the second time, he comes to class looking dazed and pale and tired, so she makes him sit down with her afterwards and talk to her about exactly what happened.

• Neurotypical but has many, many food aversions. For a while, he eats only soup and crackers because he’s so anxious and neither are too strong tasting and don’t upset his stomach.

• Speaking of soup, he and Cady frequent Olive Garden for their dates because of the free soup refills and Cady is obsessed with their breadsticks. There’s a week where they go every single day after school, no one knows why, but they do know they’re concerned for Aaron and Cady.

• Gets frequent nose bleeds and announces them with “oh. nosebleed”.

• Develops a friendship with Janis post canon because they can bond over Regina trauma. Janis teases Aaron for every single thing he does, but is also fiercely protective of him and helpful when he needs it. But she does call him a “wet cat” and “the lost puppy dog who follows Cady around” on a daily basis.

• Wears his letterman jacket so often Cady wonders if he owns any other clothes.

• He has super warm hands unless he’s anxious, then they’re freezing cold. This is how Cady knows he needs help, because he usually overheats really easily and his hands are so hot, but if they’re cold, he knows somethings wrong.

• Gets sunstroke like it’s nobody’s business. He bypasses sun burn and goes straight to heat stroke almost every single time the group go out somewhere in the summer, no matter how hard he tries to avoid it.

• Barely drinks alcohol unless he feels like there’s social pressure to do it. He doesn’t voluntarily drink very much, but at parties he likes to especially because it makes him feel “normal”. When he was dating Regina, he drank a lot more but Regina never let him drink enough he was a mess.

• Can’t drink soda because the bubbles hurt his mouth and make him so uncomfortable. He drinks the occasional coke if he’s feeling really brave.

• He frequently feels more like an object than a person. Especially when he was dating Regina - he almost had to gain her permission to feel because he couldn’t be too much, he was a side prize and she was the centre of it all. He spent a lot of his time forcibly numbing himself until he felt like a shell. So, so easily manipulated when he was like that.

• Lactose intolerant but doesn’t tell Cady because he doesn’t want to have flaws. Cady finds out after they go on a date and then they get ice cream afterwards. [Which Aaron only ever eats from a tub.]

• After a zoo date goes wrong (petting zoo + his allergies… bad), Cady suggests they go to an aquarium next time, and they both have such an amazing time. Cady buys him a little fish plush because he bought her a cat plush when they were at the zoo. Iykyk, but that’s where the ship name catfish comes from!

• Terrified of spiders, which Cady finds so confusing because she loves all animals!

[Cady, smiling: it doesn’t bite!!!

Aaron, shaking: idontcareidontcare

Cady: AWW LOOK IT MOVES!!!

Aaron, hyperventilating: pleasetakeitawayplease]

• He once broke his arm but never realised because he just assumed it was sprained and he was in a normal amount of pain. His mom didn’t listen to him so he assumed it was fine, until several weeks later, the pain is so severe he’s holding it so limply that Ms Norbury points it out and he explains it and she sends him to the nurse immediately who phones his mom and he eventually needs to get it rebroken. He’s out of sport for ages.

• Hates the sea so much, Cady has to forcibly drag him in. Does not love it when he’s in the sea either:

• Is painfully aware of his own normalcy. He’s, overall, a plot device in every iteration and therefore a plot device in his own life. He’s exactly how he’s interpreted to be and exactly what people want. He’s on the outside of every single event, until he’s brought to the middle and needed immediately. I can expand on this point at some point because I feel so strongly about analytical interpretations of Aaron that go beyond hc post.

Bonus 😭

• 2024 Aaron specifically but he hates fairground rides and anything that is too high or spins too fast. He gets dizzy so easily and I once described him as a “feeble victorian women stuck in a 17 year old boys body.”

Thank you <3 im sure I can add more to these eventually, but it’s just off the top of my head. Feel free to send thoughts / own aaron hcs too!!’

[tg-headcanons]

Touka Was Done So Dirty So I Must Analyze It

I have a lot to say about how poorly Tokyo Ghoul turned out. There was so much wasted potential, so much meaningless angst, so many straight relationships crammed where they didn’t need to be, and so many sudden, anticlimactic plot points. But of all of the mishandling and poor choices, I think that Touka’s treatment is the worst.

Touka was a complex and interesting character. She was raised by loving parents, one of whom died early, the other lived a little longer while doing everything he could to impart lessons to keep her and her brother alive. When he died she was suddenly forced to become her brother’s guardian and rush out into a world that is so much less forgiving than her father was. They got taken in by her uncle and his friends, housed and fed, and she even got the opportunity to pursue an education which is a monumental luxury to ghouls. Despite resenting humans for the way her family was massacred and she is forced to live, she became close to a human, looking past her trauma for a friendship she cherishes. Her brother reacted badly to the idea of her being around such a dangerous person who could have them killed like their parents were, and ran off to join Aogiri, leaving her and her uncle as the last remnants of their family.

Touka is angry, and id say rightfully so. Her parents murder, being forced to grow up far too fast, being forced to live in this war she was drafted into at birth, any one thing would be enough to fuck someone up. She has all that going on, so understandable, she’s going to be pissed at the world. If it ended there it would be perfect, a great starting point for a character to delve deep into the concepts of society shaping identity, but then the worst happened

Touka is an archetype I like to call ”Angry Teen Girl”

Before we talk about the archetype, let’s talk about teen girls in real life, specifically how they’re treated by society. The teen girl in the public eye is simultaneously the epitome of beauty who is seductive and manipulative and lustful, as well as airheaded and shallow and naive and pure. The way that changes has to do with the convenience of the adult male onlooker. She’s A tactical mastermind when she doesn’t want to fuck you and she’s an airhead when she has opinions. She’s a prude when she doesn’t respond to advances and a whore when she wears a t-shirt. Most importantly, she’s a silly stupid baby when she demands independence and respect, and a grown woman who should know better when she acts her age

Teen girls don’t have the same understanding that boys their age do. When a teen boy messes up its “oh he’s 15 he’s still learning.” When a teen girl messes up its “shes 15 shes practically an adult she should know better by now.” Because adult men have decided the teen girl is desirable, she’s forced to grow up faster to save them the shame of acknowledging that she is a literal child. And after being treated like stupid children and sexy mature adults, teen girls are rightfully angry. This is so universal, so all encompassing, that almost every teen girl has this undercurrent of anger and grief at how they’d been socialized. Because of that, it too is brushed off as “stupid teen girls and their silly little feelings.”

This is where the Angry Teen Girl trope comes in. There is so much history behind women’s treatment, so many valid reasons for a teenage girl to be pissed, but this character is almost always played off as a joke. Either a joke or something to fix.

Back to Touka, let’s run through this again, this time through her eyes. Her family was perfect until it was taken violently away, she had to become violent against her dead fathers wishes to protect her little brother, that little brother who she was forced to sacrifice her bloodless life for left her for having a single friend, she lived her whole life knowing that no matter who she is or what she does the world hates her and she’s going to be murdered by the state. She has to deal with all of this, and then she meets Kaneki, who tells her to her face that he’s better than her because he was human, not realizing that not eating people is a privilege from birth that she never had. Touka is angry, and Touka is a child. A traumatized child who isn’t in the right for her violent reaction, but isn’t an adult with a peaceful world who knows better

Now if people just hated her for that then fine, but there is a huge overlap of the people who hate Touka for her aggressive personality, and people who love ayato. For every “she’s a bitch who’s so mean and super violent and shouldn’t be killing investigators when she doesn’t need to and deserves getting hurt” there’s a “he’s a sweet boy who’s trying his best and he killed all those people because he’s traumatized.” More and more, it’s clear that the same sympathy given to ayato, the much more violent and aggressive sibling, is not given to his sister. Right off the bat, she’s easy for many to dismiss because the misogynistic tropes that made her are fully reinforced

She is established as a complex person who simultaneously resents humanity for how ghouls are treated and doesn’t want them dead. She’s aggressive to her loved ones as a way to protect them and kills investigators so they don’t have the chance to threaten them. She’s angry because of how she spent her whole life just barely avoiding death at the hands of a genocidal government, she’s angry that she has to live this way, she’s even angry that she had to become violent at all and couldn’t live the peaceful life she could have had

But because she is an Angry Teen Girl, nothing matters except “But She’s such a bitch”

Now Touka at this point is still a great character, but things go south fast. The focus shifts from the world and complex relationships to Kaneki. Out of nowhere, Touka is pining after him. Out of nowhere, she has feelings for him. It was more convenient to just Insert Romance instead of developing them. Even if it stopped here Touka would still be a great character, but it didn’t.

After she fled anteiku, her character died. Not only was she completely cast aside during Ken’s Plot Convenience And Honestly Lazy Amnesia arc, but everything behind her character was stripped to its bare bones

You see, the Angry Teen Girl is only a teen for so long, and she can become one of two things: Hysterical sad evil woman or Calm Momwife. It’s a problem a lot of male authors have of only seeing a woman’s anger as a character flaw. In order to keep her as a hero, her anger needs to be “fixed,” and even that isn’t done well.

Suddenly, her drive is gone. Her love of Yoriko is completely abandoned, as is her reason to care for average humans. Her ambitions of collage and success are cast aside. Her complicated feeling towards her brother become “oh I get it it’s all cool I love him and just want him safe no hard feelings haha.” By the time we see her in Re:, she is no longer Touka. She is just the Momwife personality she got crammed into because Ishida just couldn’t think of a use for this previously complex character than “Wife And Mom.”

I’m not saying that she should have stayed angry and aggressive, but she should have stayed consistent, she should have changed over time and for coherent reasons. Such pivotal parts of her character are unceremoniously thrown out, we don’t even get a good explanation for why she turned out that way. Yes, she could rebuild her family with her brother, but it should have been built up to. Yes, she could leave Yoriko behind, but it should have any reason for it at all. Hell, I’m a die hard Hidekane fan, but I’d say she could have had a great romance with Kaneki if it didn’t come out of nowhere

She was “calmed” by having her dreams stripped from her after losing anteiku. She was given her “happy ending” by getting knocked up from desperate and uncomfortable pity sex. She was a girl who wanted to go to collage and protect her loved ones, she had queer undertones of being in love with her human fried, she had reasonable aggression as a self defense mechanism. Any one of these things could spring into an arc of their own.

But all that was thrown out in favor of being the most convenient straight love interest for Kaneki, though her personality was so incompatible with him that it had to be stripped bare to even pretend it works

If she had been given the same treatment as her brother and had her anger treated as a byproduct of the way she’s forced to survive rather than a self caused character flaw, she could have been perfect. If she’d been kept in the focus and not shoved aside for so much of Re:, she would have been good. If any part of her character at all stayed in tact, she would have been fine. But instead she’s reduced to either a Bitchy Child or Momwife. She was so interesting, and I wish her character didn’t get gutted for the sake of her male family and rushed love interest

[its-chelisey-stuff]

I watched “Imitation” and it was surprising (... okay, I loved it!)

Full disclosure: If you haven’t the slightest interest in kpop, not even in the drama or juicy gossip that produces, this won’t be your thing. I know it’s not a drama for everyone. Stop reading. Just know that OTP (and most characters) had a happy ending but there was a bunch of drama to achieve it. Typical. And a death may or may not have been in the mix.  

Well well well... I'm pleasantly surprised, that's the perfect three word review for this drama. It would seem that when those little projects that come out of nowhere and you have no expectations about, turn out to be even a little big good, they made the strongest impression. And this drama is up there in my top 3 of favorite dramas of the year, it has my heart.

Yes, it was about kpop idols and 90% of the cast was made of idols (even one from the very first kpop gen hahaha), yet the acting was decent (and from some, truly great), yes sometimes it got a bit cheesy and silly and yes, there was a ton of drama concerning fans, reporters, dating scandals and bad and greedy CEOs of entertainment agencies BUT it was also sweet, really romantic, funny, lively, full of music (I'm OBSESSED with the last OST which was sung by the whole cast, it makes me FEEL things) and dancing, it had lots friendship and found family AND at times, it was heartbreakingly tragic.

I think this drama tried to tell the audience two important lessons, worthy of mention: the first, work hard for your dreams, don't give up on them but also, you never know what opportunities might come your way that could end up changing your direction and perhaps make you chase something that you never thought you would, so persevere, breathe and hang in there just a bit more; the second, one that we all know if you have a little bit of sense and even if you are mildly informed about the k entertainment which is that idols are just people(most of them teens when they debut some not even 18) who want to and deserve to have a pretty f-ing normal life, so f-ing let them! the consequences of putting these youngsters over a pedestal are catastrophic and there are real life, heartbreaking, examples of this.

Main characters

Ryok: the Golden Boy of kpop, from the most popular boy group, also a an actor (a decent one? Idk they never said). Perfect in every single aspect, except when he is nice to girls who aren't his fans, then they will crucify him. SUPER clumsy whenever his crush is nearby and does something he finds cute, otherwise super cool and chill. Also great at pining for his crush. A romantic, which means he chose the worst career path. My favorite character.

Maha: A bright and optimistic girl with a strong might of perseverance in going after her dreams. Loves dancing. Very sweet and very tiny. Despite appearances, she's not a pushover or weak FL. And that's why I loved her.

Yujin: Second ML by the book. Became an idol because he was pursuing FL (who in turn was pursuing ML). The only reason why I never hated him is because he was a great friend, knew he wasn't doing anything healthy and decided to end his one sided love and opened his eyes. Two words: Character development *chef's kiss*

LaRiMa: A soloist. A Queen. At the start, it looked like she was the typical and mean second FL. But she wasn't, and I adored her for that. She had a heart of gold. She deserved the world, and she knew that so she made decisions accordingly (a Queen chases no one, least of all a man!) lol best character in the drama and my second favorite character (sorry Maha!)

Also starring: The members of SHAX (the leader, SF9′s Hwiyoung, the maknae from Ateez and the funny guy who spoke random english) the group of Golden Boy. Tea Party members (bffs with FL, Riah and HyunJi), Maha’s group. Sparkling members (the very angry and frustrated leader and two members of Ateez whose names I don’t know), second ML group. AND in the longest and most important cameo (ala Go Kyung Pyo in My roommate is a Gumiho) SF9′s Chani, a former member of SHAX, who disappeared into thin air one day.

The story

On paper it doesn't sound like anything groundbreaking (and tbh it really wasn't lol): a story about idols who willingly chose their career path, trained for years while underage, got treated like products by ugly men in suits and realized it kinda sucked, especially when you don't become a hit group and have to protect your personal life like it's a dirty secret that could damage your image and maybe end your career this is why I said it’s not a show for everyone. But this drama is what Dream High 2 (2012) wanted to be and never could in the aspect of actually making you feel something for these idols and the situations they were facing while loving the musical side of the show and making it all believable.

Even if it's not exactly about teens in high school sort of thing, it does give you the same hopeful and uplifting feeling of a coming of age story, especially because the characters are still youngsters trying to be happy and realize their dreams for the future.

You can just stop reading here if you want to go watch the drama with no spoilers. And if I haven’t convinced you despite not being appalled by kpop themed dramas, then I guess you should keep reading lol or trust in my taste and judgement when I say the story is worth it (but to be fair the first two eps are a bit slow).

The romance (super spoilery!)

At the core, this show was a love story. What started the plot is the fact that main couple reunite in the same work field as idols, and they actually met and befriended each other years ago; so being older and able to spent more time together brings them closer to finally accept and give into their feelings, but soon enough their relationship becomes a ticking bomb threatening their careers and then this big mystery of how and why SF9' Chani disappeared and abandoned the group becomes really important in the last third of the drama

Because once upon a time, Chani had a gf but she was still a trainee so once their love was exposed (the truth of who exposed him is devastating) and their respective companies threatened them, it all becomes too much too fast and with seemingly no other way out, the girl makes a terrible decision, that ends up changing the lives of most of the characters.

I’m sure this is from a bts but their chemistry was really good and sweet. Also, height difference to die for!!

Yet, there is a happy ending for main couple but it's only achieved after certain people learn from their mistakes and support Ryok and Maha, which makes it clear that no matter how in love and willing you are to face adversities for and with your loved one, you still need a support system (and maybe the right people in a position of power) because sometimes two against the world isn't as romantic as it sounds, but sad and lonely.

And the main reason why I loved this is because of the way the show drew a parallel between the two most important couples in the story and tells the audience “had it been even a year before, under different circumstances and less luck, had they had no friends and no people to support them, main couple would’ve ended in the same tragic way” and I think that is a haunting realization. That also makes you appreciate things.

*cries* they were adorable

The bad (spoilers!)

I do wish this drama would’ve elaborated on some bits that were really worth diving into, or that it would’ve shown how some things came intro fruition instead of just skipping it and showing rigth away the outcome of conversations that were never had or reunions never shown. It is clear to me that they wanted to make the drama longer and could have told a better story had it been a 16 ep show. 

Basically yes, the main story, main romance and side couples' arcs got resolved but ugh a list of plot holes:

Why was LaRiMa so obsessed with Ryok for half the drama? The minute the girl knew he was dating someone he truly liked, she gave up right away, so I gotta believe the only reason she didn’t quit on him before, is because he did gave her a reason to hold onto him. Perphaps they dated before? Or maybe they like each other at one point? I can only do fanfiction in my head to explain this.

Why was the angry leader of Sparkling such a bitter bitch? How did he end up in another company?

I wanted to see SF9′s Chani reunion with his ex-members from SHAX.  It NEEDED to happen. At least they showed Chani with Ryok (which was really emotional) but arrgh.

Also, Chani deserved a kneeling apology from SHAX leader, I mean, come on!!

If everyone knew about Maha and Ryeok at some point, they needed to use that. You can’t just have a bomb like that in your drama and not use it. Is a principle of storytelling. You can’t just have the thing that your main characters fear the most, in your hands, and do nothing about it. But I guess it was not done because of lack of time.

Also, they never showed how they announced their relationship. Instagram post? Company statement? An exclusive to Dispatch? And how did the fans took it?? Answers, drama! Damn it!!

Final thoughts

Despite its many flaws, I loved it. It had heart. It seemed low budget and even more so due to the fact that it was done in the middle of the pandemic and a big part of kpop are the fans and concerts, you know what makes it all the more big and shinier. But the drama people and the actors put effort into it, and you could tell (and the fact that there were also original songs and choreographies made for this drama amazes me, and that they chose to promote the drama by having some of these fake groups perform on actual music shows). So there you go, I wholeheartedly recommend it.

Before I finish, let me just say that the actor who played Ryok is a REVELATION in my eyes.This boy needs to stay in dramaland and get more main roles (and after some research I’m happy to say that he is thriving!!). Also, he has great timing for comedy. The actress who played Maha elevated the quality of every scene she was in. (Not for nothing she was God in DAYS). Jiyeon (LaRiMa) was excellent. It really showed at times that she’s not only an experienced idol but also an experienced actress. The contrast with most of the cast was noticeable, sadly. The drama wouldn’t have been the same without these three.

Also, watch AND listen to the last OST sung by the whole cast here. Beautiful song that just makes you cry if you’ve seen the drama.

[shirlleycoyle]

How 9/11 Became Fan Fiction Canon

Every fictional character you can think of has experienced 9/11 in fanfiction.

A Clone Wars veteran with two lightsabers is on United Airlines Flight 93 and prevents it from crashing. Ron and Hermione get caught up in the chaos as the towers fall. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and her friends watch the attacks unfold on TV from Sunnydale. We have spent 20 years trying to process what happened on 9/11 and its fallout, and that messy process can be tracked through the countless, sad, disturbing, and sometimes very funny fanfiction left across the internet.

Many of the fanfics written in the weeks and months following the 9/11 attacks seemed to directly respond to the news as it happened, processing the tragedy in real-time through the eyes of characters they loved. In the absence of a canon episode where Daria Morgendorffer paid respects to those lost, writing fanfic about these characters also experiencing trauma helped fans cope.

One YuGiOh fanfic published on fanfiction.net in May 2002 could have been ripped exactly from what this writer experienced that Tuesday morning. “It started as a normal day,” user Gijinka Renamon wrote. Yugi and his friends were in school, where their teacher informed them of the attacks and sent everyone home from school.

“After reading people’s 9/11 fics, I decided to write my own, and put a certain character in it. And Yugi and his pals were my first choice,” the author's note reads, explaining the connection they felt to United flight 93 and the World Trade Center attacks. Given that they lived in Pennsylvania, and “it’s close to New York, I felt really sad about it.”

Stitch, a fandom journalist for Teen Vogue, told Motherboard that this reaction to 9/11 is not at all uncommon in fandom.

"Fandom has always been a place that positions nothing as 'off limits,'" she said. "Historical tragedies like the Titanic sinking and atrocities like… all of World War 2 show up regularly across the past 30 years of people creating stories and art about the characters they love. So, on some level, it makes sense that 9/11 and the following 20-year military installation in the Middle East has joined the ranks of things people in different fandoms turn into settings for their fan fiction."

Reactions depicted in a handful of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfics published in the weeks after the attacks ring a little truer to the characters. “Tuesday, 11th September 2001,” written by Anna K, almost echoes the lyrics from “I’ve Got a Theory,” one of the songs in the musical episode that aired in November 2001. “We have seen the apocalypse. We have prevented it. Actually, we’ve prevented quite a few. So we know what they look like,” they write, before taking a darker turn. “They look a lot like…New York today.”

Killing demons and vampires doesn’t phase the Scooby Gang, but when preventable human death is brought into the picture, it’s gut wrenching.

“What am I supposed to do…When I can’t do anything to save the world?” Buffy cries  into Spike’s chest, watching the attacks unfold on TV in a fanfic the author described as being “about feeling numb and helpless.”

In “Blood Drive,” Kirayoshi writes about Buffy and her friends saving a van full of donated blood meant for victims of the attacks from a group of thirsty vampires. One Buffy the Vampire Slayer fic even takes a blindly patriotic turn, where noted lesbian witch Tara McClay helps Xander hang an American flag from the window of the magic shop to make Anya feel better.

Experiencing 9/11 as a young teenager was overwhelming not just because of the loss of life. Almost immediately after the event itself, it was as if the entirety of American culture re-oriented itself towards an overtly jingoistic stance. As we get distance from the attacks, seeing the tone of television and movies from the early 2000s is jarring, and some have gone viral on Twitter. In the world of pop music, mainstream musicians like the Chicks, formerly known as the Dixie Chicks, were blacklisted from the radio while Toby Keith sang about putting a boot up the ass of terrorists. On the Disney Channel, a young Shia Labeouf reading a poem he supposedly wrote about the events. The poem concludes with the line, "it's awesome to be an American citizen."

In a world so completely saturated with this messaging, it is not surprising that fanfic authors started including 9/11 in their work so soon after the event. Even The West Wing had a strange, out of continuity, fanfic-esque episode where the characters reacted to 9/11. In some cases, it made sense that the characters in the stories would be close to or a part of the events themselves.

"For characters like John Watson or Captain America, the idea works to an extent," Stitch told Motherboard. "In the original Sherlock Holmes works and the 2011 BBC series, Watson had just returned from Afghanistan. For Captain America and other Marvel heroes, 9/11 was something that was addressed in-universe in The Amazing Spider-Man volume 2 #36. Technically, 9/11 is 'canon' to the Marvel universe."

In “Early Warning: Terrorism,” a fanfiction for the TV show Early Edition in which a man who mysteriously receives tomorrow's newspaper, predicting the future, avoids jingoism, but tries to precent 9/11 from happening. This fanfic remains unfinished; it’s unclear if the characters successfully prevent 9/11 in this retelling.

Largely in fanfic from the era just after 9/11, when many young authors were trying to emotionally grapple with it, the characters don't re-write or undo the events themselves. It's this emphasis on the reaction to tragedy that colors the fanfiction that features 9/11 going forward.

Although fanfiction authors have been writing about 9/11 consistently since soon after the event, whenever that fanfiction reaches outside of its intended audience, it looks bizarre.

A screenshot of a Naruto 9/11 fanfic on the Tumblr subreddit comes without any context, or even more than two lines and an author's note. It’s impossible to suss out if this falls into the category of sincere fanfic without the rest of the piece or a publication date, but modern-day commenters on the Reddit thread see it as classic Tumblr trash.

Screenshot from r/Tumblr

“Bin Laden/Dick Cheney, enemies to lovers, 10k words, slow burn,” one user joked in the replies, underscoring the weirdness of Naruto being in the Twin Towers by comparing it to a What If story about Cheney and Bin Laden slowly falling deeply in love.

It’s hard to tell how much of the 9/11 fanfic and fanart starting a few years after the attacks is sincere, and how much of it is ironic, and trying to make fun of the very concept of writing fanfiction about 9/11.

A 2007 anime music video (in which various clips, usually from anime, are cut together to music) that combines scenes from The Lion King with Linkin Park’s “Crawling” and clips from George Bush’s speeches immediately after the attacks feels like the perfect example of this. Even the commenters can’t seem to suss out if this person is a troll or not.

There’s no way that My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic 9/11 fanart could be serious, right? Especially if the description pays tribute to “some of the nation's most memorable buildings,” and features five of the main characters as child versions of themselves. The comments again are split between users thanking the artist for a thoughtful remembrance post, and people making their own headcanon for why Twilight Sparkle is surreptitiously absent from the scene.

Screengrab via DeviantArt

There’s Phineas and Ferb fanfic that combines a 9/11 tribute concert with flashbacks to Ferb being rescued from the towers as a baby, written on the 10th anniversary of the attacks. It jumps from introspection to lines like, “‘Quiet Perry the Platypus. I’m trying to listen to these kids singing a 9/11 tribute.’”

The author's notes make it more likely that they meant for this to be a tribute piece, but it doesn’t quite make sense until watching a YouTube dramatic reading of it from 2020, fully embracing the absurdity of it all.

“For me, 9/11 is synonymous with war. It completely changed the course of my life," Dreadnought, the author of a Captain America fanfic Baghdad Waltz that sees Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes fall in love over the course of the war on terror, told Motherboard. "It’s the reason I joined the military, and I developed deep connections with people who would go on to deploy to Afghanistan and Iraq. These very much felt like my generation’s wars, perhaps because people I graduated high school with were the youngest folks eligible to serve at the time.”

Dreadnought told Motherboard that although they didn't deploy, their career has kept 9/11 and the trauma from it in their mind. After seeing that people who fantasize about Steve and Bucky getting together seemed particularly interested in reading fanfiction that related to 9/11, they decided to try their hand at it.

"I had to do something with all of that emotionally, and I’m admittedly a bit emotionally avoidant. So I learned through fic that it’s easier for me to process those feelings and the knowledge of all the awful stuff that can happen in war if I can turn it into something creative," Dreadnought said. "Give the feelings to fake people and then have those fake people give the feelings to readers!"

To Dreadnought, who is a queer man, the experience of researching and writing this was more cathartic than they first expected, especially as a way to navigate feelings about masculinity, military culture, and queer identity. But they said the research they did, which included watching footage of first responders at ground zero, was what helped them finally process the event itself.

"It was like a delayed horror, and it was more powerful than I expected it would be." Dreadnought said. "When I was eighteen, I was pretty emotionally divorced from 9/11; I just knew I wanted to do something about it. So coming back to it in my 30s while writing this fic, it was a very different experience. Even the research for this story ended up being an extraordinarily valuable exercise in cognitively and emotionally processing 9/11 and all of its second and third order effects."

Fanfiction that features 9/11 provides an outlet for people who still grapple with the trauma from that day. But Stitch warns that the dynamics of fandom and how it relates to politics can also create fiction that's less respectful and more grotesque.

"With years of distance between the stories written and the original events of 9/11, there seems to be some sort of cushion for fans who choose to use those events as a catalyst for relationships—and Iraq and Afghanistan for settings," Stitch said. "The cushion allows them room to fictionalize real world events that changed the shape of the world as we know it, but it also insulates them from having to think about what they may be putting into the world."

The tendency of turning these events into settings or backgrounds for mostly white, male characters to fall in love has the unintended effect of displacing the effects that the war on terror has had on the world over. Steve and Bucky might fall in love during the war on terror, but they would also be acting as a part of the American military in a war that has been criticized since it started. Fanfic writers in other fandoms have come under fire for using real world tragedy as settings for fic before. In the aftermath of the 2010 Haiti earthquake Supernatural fanfiction about the actors Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki going to the island to do aid became controversial within the fandom. There have also been fics where characters grapple with the death of George Floyd that is written in a way that displaces the event from the broader cultural context of race in America.

"A Captain America story where Steve Rogers is a 'regular' man who joins the US Army and 'fights for our freedom' post-9/11 is unlikely to deal with the war’s effect on locals who are subject to US military intervention," Stitch said. "It’s unlikely to sit with what Captain America has always meant and what a writer is doing by dropping Steve Rogers into a then-ongoing conflict in any capacity."

After enough time, “never forget” can even morph into “but what if it never happened?” A 19k+ word Star Wars alternate universe fanfic asks this question, wondering what would have unfolded if someone with two lightsabers was on United Flight 93. This fic, part of a larger fanfic series with its own Wikia, considers what would have happened if Earth was a military front in the Clone Wars.

In this version of events, a decorated general who served in the Clone Wars is able to take back control of Flight 93 before it crashes, landing safely and preventing even more tragedy from happening that day. In the end, all of the passengers who made harrowing last calls to their loved ones before perishing in a Pennsylvania field survive thanks to the power of the Force, and are awarded medals of honor by President Bush.

Twenty years after the attacks, it’s painful to think about what would have happened if people got to work 15 minutes later, or missed their trains that morning. There weren’t Jedi masters deployed to save people in real life, but for some of the fanfic writers working today, the world of Star Wars might feel just as removed as the world before September 11, 2001.

Fiction serves as a powerful playground for processing cultural events, especially generational trauma. The act isn't neutral though; a decade's worth of fanfiction that takes place on or around 9/11 shows how our own understanding of a traumatic event can shift with time.

How 9/11 Became Fan Fiction Canon syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Gou Ep20

In which Satoko gets sent to gay baby jail for crimes against the aristocracy.

Also I’m finally vindicated in talking so much about Umineko spoilers, lmao.

Thoughts under the cut.

Oh boy where do I even begin with this one, lol.

Well, firstly, I actually like how relatively subdued this episode was, compared to my expectations. Like, Satoko getting sent to a literal on-site prison center is extremely fucked up, but I kinda expected something like her straight up murdering someone. Instead it all started when one of her normal traps ended up giving someone minor injuries, and then after she spent a while in prison, she just went back to school, and ended up going on a trip back to Hinamizawa with Rika and the gang where she stumbled her way into the meta world because haha Featherine go brrr.

Which feels a lot less over the top than I was expecting, but I think it’s a good thing that it didn’t turn into some sort of psychotic mass-murder event or something.

Also, the whole angle of miscommunication leading her to think that Rika ratted her out and got her sent to prison is really neat, and helps make the situation way more messy and complicated without making anyone unrealistically evil or anything. It at least makes it a bit more understandable that Satoko would genuinely blame Rika for her current misery.

I still think they’re both more or less equally in the wrong, though, and they both contributed to the miscommunication. Satoko is basically refusing to adjust to the culture of St Lucia’s, and she’s actively pushing away Rika out of stubbornness, while Rika is leaving Satoko alone to go hang out with her new rich friends, and is giving up on reaching out to Satoko at the slightest bit of resistance from her. So neither of them are really doing enough to communicate or compromise, but it fits with how Satoko is unwilling to change herself, while Rika is desperate to have a place where she can stop putting on a childish act all the time.

It’s kinda interesting how many people seem to fall really strongly into the category of either blaming Rika or blaming Satoko for everything going on here. It probably says a lot about each person’s own personality and their own previous friendships.

I’ve seen people disagree about this, but I actually like that the ‘big incident’ ended up just being that one of Satoko’s normal traps ended up hurting someone. It’s way more minor than pretty much anyone expected, and it feels kinda jarring when compared to all the slapstick comedy stuff in this whole series, but I think that sense of contrast is intentional, and it goes to show just how much Satoko isn’t fitting in with her new environment. She comes from a countryside village where this sort of rough-housing is normal, and everyone’s familiar with Satoko’s traps, and she’s trying to apply the exact same things to a stuck-up boarding school full of rich kids who don’t even know her. Back in Hinamizawa the other club members would just brush off having a metal pot land on their head as part of Satoko’s traps, but in this sort of environment it’s something unprecedented and shocking.

There’s also the fact that Satoko usually sets these traps up in rooms that have much lower ceilings, whereas here she had the pots fall from a chandelier high up in a fancy entrance hall, so it’s likely that they fell a lot further than they usually do, and thus picked up more speed and caused more damage. Which in it’s own way goes to show how Satoko just isn’t used to her new environment, and is still trying to act like she’s back in Hinamizawa where everything’s small and cozy and everyone’s willing to put up with some bumps and bruises as part of having fun.

I still feel like there has to be more that goes on to show how Satoko gets to the point of straight up being willing to repeatedly murder Rika across multiple time loops, as well as hurting all of her other friends along the way, but this whole flashback still isn’t over yet.

I’m also getting more and more convinced now that it actually took a while for her to get to the point of actively trying to murder Rika. I think that throughout the first arcs, she was going through her own whole arc where her motives and methods changed as she became more aware of what was going on.

I’m not 100% sure about a lot of this, but I think that in Onidamashi she didn’t even do anything until the very end. I think that arc was her attempting to just go back to how things used to be, and the stuff with Rena and Keiichi wasn’t planned by her at all. She might have done a murder suicide with Rika to start a new loop afterward, but I don’t think she was trying to kill anyone, or even hurt Rika at all. At least not in that arc.

Watadamashi’s one of the more confusing arcs, but I also get the feeling there that she wasn’t really trying to hurt Rika or anyone else. I don’t think she’s the one who killed Rika in that timeline, and I think her going to the Sonozaki estate at the end of the arc was due to her genuinely trying to figure out what happened to her. Same with her suspicion toward Keiichi.

Tataridamashi’s kinda weird in general, and even after all these flashbacks it still feels weird. But with what we’ve seen of Satoko lately, I really don’t thinks he was spending that whole arc just intentionally lying to everyone about the abuse while not actually being abused by Teppei for some reason. Unless she got told about what to expect from Featherine, a post-Matsuribayashi Satoko shouldn’t even have any experience with a timeline where Teppei shows up, and he doesn’t show up in the first two Gou arcs either, so I think everything with her in Tataridamashi was actually genuine.

The stuff at the end of that arc with Ooishi is still a bit of a mystery, though. Maybe that’s where she first starts actively sending people to go kill Rika, but I’m not sure. The question of why she’d change her motives and methods partway through if she started off with innocent intentions is a bit of a mystery, but I get the feeling that Tataridamashi might have been the turning point, since it would have been the point where Satoko really started to realize just how much pain she herself was going to have to deal with in these loops. So that might have pushed her to try and be more forceful in her methods to try and make Rika change her mind about the village, because she wants to get out of the loops as fast as possible, and she’s also stuck in them until she can ‘win’ against Rika. Which would fit with how in Nekodamashi she seems genuinely distressed and conflicted about having to kill people. I think that rather than her just being some kind of sadist, she’s just trying to brute-force her win condition as fast as possible while dealing with the escalating stress of being stuck in this loop.

And even if she got cured of her syndrome over time after Matsuribayashi, being sent back in time to her pre-teen body might mean that she started slowly developing it again as the loops went on, which might have made her more willing to resort to violence to try and escape.

So basically I think the story boils down to Satoko being given the ability to go back in time with time-looping powers, in a way that’s structured as a game between her and Rika where her goal is to convince Rika to stay in the village forever instead of leaving for St Lucia’s. So at first Satoko didn’t really have any reason or motive to be violent about it, but as time went on and she became exposed to all of the different scenarios with her friends going crazy and killing each other, and in general all the trauma that she basically side-stepped in the Matsuribayashi timeline, she got more and more desperate, and more and more violent.

I at least like the idea of Satoko basically taking for granted that she happened to wind up in the good timeline where everything went well and nobody went crazy and killed each other, and now her attempt to go back and ‘fix things’ has caused her to trap herself in the same hellish loop that Rika was trying to escape from in the first place.

I could also totally see Featherine setting this up and watching it unfold because she knew it’d be fun to watch, lol.

And yeah on that note, Featherine’s officially in the story now. So that’s a thing.

I guess we’ll see how things go next week, but I think it’s kinda fruitless to try and deny that this is Featherine. I could see them not using her name explicitly, but for all intents and purposes this is literally just Featherine, and at some point we’d just be arguing about meaningless semantics.

They did adjust her design a little bit to fit the Japanese mythology vibe of Higurashi more, but I’d say her design is still about 80% the same, and they still included both her distinct memory device and the green sash with the medal on it that has nothing to do with Japanese mythology. They just replaced her cane with a staff, adjusted part of her dress to look more like Hanyuu’s outfit, and gave her some eye-shadow.

I get the feeling she’ll just introduce herself to Satoko as ‘Oyashiro-sama’, to explain what Satoko meant about meeting Oyashiro-sama and being made into their new miko, but she’d still be Featherine at the end of the day.

One detail that might go a long way to explain things one way or another is how Featherine mentions having met Satoko at some point in the past. Which might mean that she’ll just straight up say that she’s a version of Hanyuu and reference the events of Matsuribayashi. I know people still disagree on if Hanyuu and Featherine are the same person, but I think that for all intents and purposes they are. If anything, ‘Gou!Featherine’ might exist to show how that transition happened in the first place. Which is probably along the lines of Hanyuu ‘going to sleep’ after Matsuribayashi, physically maturing and having her personality adjust, and then going on to straight up ascend into witch-hood. But we’ll see how it goes.

I’ve also seen people suggest that it might tie in to the hypothetical connection between Satoko and Lambda, which might just cut straight to the chase and directly bring Featherine’s role in Umineko into this, but that seems less likely. I still like the idea of Lambda being relevant to this somehow, but I’m not sure if she’ll come into play just yet.

It might annoy some people, but I hope that they just commit to having Satoko and Lambda literally be the same person, and just have it be a bit of a time paradox where maybe Satoko becomes Lambda after going through this loop, and she then goes back in time and gives Takano her blessing to trigger the original events of Higurashi. Which might be a bit of a clunky retcon that’d annoy people who don’t like paradoxes, but honestly at this point it’d be the most satisfying way to actually explain who Lambda is, and how her relationship with Bern even started in the first place.

This also feels like exactly the sort of situation where Featherine would grant Satoko the powers of a witch as part of setting up this whole loop, like what Lambda did with Takano and Beatrice. Satoko gets to become a new witch of Hinamizawa for the duration of the time loop, and maybe at the end of it, both she and Bern ascend into full-fledged witches who leave their game board and become voyagers.

Though, like with how I think they’ll avoid outright using the name ‘Featherine’, they might just use the word ‘miko’ as a sort of analogue for the concept of witches, so it fits Higurashi’s setting more.

There’s also the point that, as Satoko mentioned, she had broken into the Saiguden as a child, but I dunno if Featherine is referring to that. Honestly that whole plot point still feels super weird to me. She brings it up in this episode, so it’s not like Ryukishi forgot about it, but then we see that even in this loop, the statue is unbroken, which just raises the question of if it’s some kind of major oversight or retcon about what Satoko did when she broke into the Saiguden as a child.

Anyway, the real question with all this super heavy-handed Umineko stuff is whether or not this is actually going to lead to something along the lines of an Umineko anime remake [or a Gou-style sequel]. It really feels like they’re risking alienating people on both sides of the aisle if they bring in Umineko elements without doing a whole lot with them.

I have a lot of thoughts about how some kind of new Umineko anime could work, but I’ll just make a separate post about that if I want to go into it in detail.

I’m also wondering more and more whether or not they’re even going to be able to wrap up Gou’s story itself in just four more episodes, or if we’ll get some kind of second season. I still feel like we’re in an awkward situation where four episodes doesn’t feel like enough to wrap things up, but even one more cour feels like more than we need, considering how deep we are into the end-game. Unless things massively switch course for a second season, I dunno if there’s that much material left. Considering that this isn’t even acting like a remake anymore, I doubt they’ll go back and cover some of the stuff they’ve glossed over like Meakashi and Tsumihoroboshi. But who even knows.

One option is that Gou could directly lead into a new Umineko anime, especially if they go down the route of doing a Gou-style sequel to Umineko rather than a regular adaptation. There’s a lot of ways they could handle it.

Also, we STILL haven’t seen the animation for the new ending theme, so unless we’re just never getting any, I think it’s probably going to include stuff like Featherine that would have been a spoiler before this episode. The way that they only played the last section of the OP visuals also makes me wonder if maybe they’re going to adjust those as well, even if the song stays the same. I could at least see them explicitly showing Featherine rather than having her be a silhouette.

Anyway, I’m still enjoying this arc a lot, and I think it actually serves as an interesting continuation of the VN’s story, but as a whole I think it says a lot about Gou that it feels more interesting to just speculate about the Umineko references going on, lol.

[sleepawaywriting]

Mornings, Part I

[Piers x Reader, NSFW]

okay so this is half domestic headcanons, half unadulterated horniness. i love the goth boy okay I JUST WANT HIM TO GET SOME SLEEP.

NSFW (18+) UNDER THE CUT

You learn a lot about a person by sleeping with them. In your case, literally. Sleeping next to someone can be an exercise in trust, as it can be extremely vulnerable, and potentially disastrous. After all, you never know who you truly are while asleep until someone is there to bear witness. You could see everything: their nightly routine, their little habits and quirks. What did they prefer to wear, if they wore anything at all? How did they wind down? How did they get comfortable? Did they read? Listen to music? Did they prefer one pillow, or two, or ten? Did they surround themselves in a cocoon of blankets, or sleep completely uncovered, mocking the monsters under the bed? Did they stir at the slightest disturbance, or could they sleep through the end of the world? Were they restless in their slumber, or still as the grave? Did they snore? Did they talk? Did they steal blankets in the night, or did they cling to their partners? You personally found all of these details fascinating. It was as if the other person was sharing a special part of themselves, a part not too often seen by others.

You especially appreciated it now, as you dozed in-and-out of consciousness on a warm, cozy Sunday morning, lying entangled in the slender arms of your loving boyfriend. Your mind tended to wander on mornings like this, when you had no duties, no obligations, and could simply bask in the comforting presence of your slumbering musician. You thought it was funny, how you personally had very little change in your own sleeping habits since dating the ex-Gym Leader, despite your newly-inherited responsibilities as the Champion of Galar. Piers, on the other hand, had gone through an entire circadian metamorphosis since the two of you became intimate. Before you had moved into his flat in Spikemuth—a shocking and borderline scandalous development in your relationship, as far as the tabloids were concerned (you rarely paid them too much mind)—and before he had stepped down as Spikemuth’s Gym Leader, you were amazed if he managed to sleep more than four hours a night. You had an idea of how rarely he slept before you started dating—after all, why else would he send you texts in the dead of night and wee hours of the morning? But it wasn’t until after the two of you began sleeping together that you fully understood the extent of Piers’ problems. He had insomnia, that much was clear, and tended to become restless in the hours that you normally retired to bed. He claimed that all of his best ideas came to him late in the night, and would spend hours scribbling in his trusty journal while you cluelessly snoozed away next to him. Upon discovering this, you felt somewhat guilty, but he assuaged your worries by waxing poetic about how your soothing presence provided him with endless inspiration—that even while asleep, you helped organize his frenzied, haphazard thoughts long enough to translate them into song (and no matter how many times he admitted it, hearing how much you effected his music never failed to make you blush like a starstruck teen).

After moving in together, and as your domestic routines began to blend, so did your sleeping habits. It was surprisingly easy to get Piers into bed with you, you discovered. You simply had to tip-toe down to his basement studio and subdue him with a gentle kiss to the neck, along with some soft words teasing the shell of his ear. Though your schedules were not entirely in sync, as you had very different jobs, your sleepless songbird was finally getting some well-deserved rest. Gone were the mornings spent opening Spikemuth’s Gym, and spending most of the day prepping Gym Trainers, training Pokemon, and fighting rambunctious, overly-confident Gym Challengers, who often underestimated the rockstar’s abilities, much to your frustration. Now that he was a full-time musician, his workday didn't begin until late into the afternoon, and his concerts would often go late into the night. During your busiest times, when your Champion duties required you to be up at sunrise, you would have to bow out early most nights, feeling guilty when you could only support your boyfriend’s gigs about half of the time. Of course, in typical Piers fashion, he was endlessly understanding, and there was nothing quite as sweet as the feeling of going to bed alone, only to wake up and find him exhaustedly cuddled up next you, face buried into your chest or the small of your back (along with your menagerie of Pokemon, which, due to many of them being simultaneously competitive and cuddly, the two of you had to make a schedule for which Pokemon got to share the bed on certain nights).

You never expected Piers to be such a massive cuddler, but you very much welcomed it. At the beginning of your relationship, you suspected that Piers was averse to touch, as he tended to tense or not entirely reciprocate when you first began kissing or embracing him. You soon discovered that this was far from the truth, and that the poor guy simply wasn’t used to the type of affection you so enthusiastically showered upon him. Once the two of you lived together, it became increasingly obvious that he adored and craved your touch, often snuggling up against you and draping his arms around you when asleep. You also learned, that despite having trouble falling asleep, once Piers was securely in dreamland, it was almost impossible to wake him. On most mornings, escaping his Bewear-like grasp was your first Champion challenge of the day. On top of being a heavy sleeper, he was also a heavy sleep-talker. This rarely bothered you, in fact, you enjoyed having full conversations with him while he was none the wiser, with topics ranging from Marnie’s homework, Obstagoon’s yearly PokeCenter check-up, scheduling future gigs (he often mistook you for his manager in his sleep-addled stupor), and other silly, mundane things. He never remembered any of it, no matter how much you tried to jog his memory (he once mumbled out an imaginary itinerary for your future wedding—you never told him this, but it was a secret you held near and dear to your heart). There were many mornings where you would lie next to him, mindlessly scrolling through your phone or checking your emails, only for him to jolt half-awake, ask you, groggily, to write something down (usually an idea for a song), then immediately plop back down onto his pillow, snoring comically.

Those mornings were much like this one: quiet, unassuming—where you would debate for several minutes on whether you were gracious enough to let him sleep in, or impatient enough to wake him. You weren’t exactly in a hurry to get out of bed, as this was one of your rare days off, and the warmth radiating from Piers’ body, the welcoming scent of his lingering cologne, and the light pitter-patter of rain on the roof of the massive structure overhanging Spikemuth was enough to tempt you back into sleep. Your head rested under your boyfriend’s chin, your face close to the base of his neck, and you gently brought one hand up to trace a finger along the smooth metal of his collar, which he rarely removed. You weren’t sure if it was because he never wanted to, or if he simply forgot it was there, and either sounded like him, if you were being honest. Yawning quietly, you nudged your head back, wanting to get a better view of Piers’ sleeping face. Your bedroom happened to have a window facing the outside of Spikemuth’s container, allowing the diffused morning light to bathe your room in an overcast veil. He seemed to be sleeping soundly, despite his perpetually-grumpy expression still present, if somewhat more relaxed. You smiled to yourself, remembering when you first admitted to him, early in your friendship, that you assumed he hated you because of how he always seemed to look annoyed around you. “Hate to break it to ya, love, but that’s just my face,” he said then, making you feel embarrassed for assuming the worst about him, but also somewhat flustered that he referred to you as “love”. Back then, you wanted to write it off as one of his many Spikemuth-isms—that perhaps it was just a more casual nickname where he was from—but here you were, proven wrong.

Sighing softly, you looked over his sleeping form, admiring the way the stormy glow highlighted his features. You had always found him both incredibly adorable and handsome, despite the things he would say about himself in hushed tones on his worst days. His large, sad blue eyes, though closed for now, paired nicely with his high cheek bones and dark, striking eyebrows. You drew the tip of your index finger down the bridge of his nose, slightly crooked from the handful of times he had broken it in his youth, through back-alley scuffles and far-too-wild concerts. You tried not to giggle when the muscles in his face twitched as you reached the tip, giving it an extra boop for good measure. And, of course, you loved his mouth, the way his lips felt so soft and inviting against your own, the way they curled into the most adorable little smiles. The way they felt against your skin, at your wrists, the dip of your neck, across your shoulders, between your breasts, down your stomach, flush against your sensitive, needy heat, along with his overly-generous tongue.

Oh.

Suddenly and without warning, you really wanted him. Biting your lip, you didn’t wish to disturb the musician’s peaceful slumber, nor did you want him to spend the energy on reciprocating, which you knew he would insist upon (it was difficult to get him to be the least bit selfish about his own pleasure). Not to mention, you were still fairly groggy yourself, but you were equally as longing for your boyfriend, and the way his body would react to your loving, methodical touches, the way his beautiful voice would sound upon waking up in the throes of pleasure. Then, you remembered something. It was an idea the two of you had discussed before, whispers of heated fantasies in the dead of night, something that you had been waiting to act upon, but only at the right time, when it would truly be a surprise. Well, now was as good a time as any, you thought, smiling mischievously to yourself.

Ever-so-slowly, you wriggled out of Piers’ all-encompassing grasp, trying desperately not to laugh at how ridiculous you looked—arms firmly pressed to your sides, legs squeezed together, shifting yourself to-and-fro like a newly-hatched Caterpie. Once free, you sat up on your knees, careful to not shake the bed with your movements. Next came the difficult part, you thought, as he was on his side, and you needed him to be on his back for your plan to work. Placing one hand gently on his shoulder, and the other on his hip, you subtly began nudging him onto his back. You almost startled when he suddenly moved, shifting onto his back of his own accord. You winced internally, fully prepared for him to stir awake and be reasonably confused as to why you were leaning over him, but he quickly settled back into sleep, completely oblivious to the waking world. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, smiling at the silly, dramatic, sprawled-out position you boyfriend had assumed.

Carefully, you straddled his waist, making sure to place most of your weight onto your knees. Since the weather was getting warmer, even in the rainy, coastal town of Spikemuth, the both of you were sparsely clothed, with Piers completely bare, save for a thin pair of briefs. Looking him over, you watched the slow rise-and-fall of his chest, and admired the way his long, thick, two-toned hair cascaded down his pillow, descending into rivulets of stark white and midnight black against your bedsheets. He had just showered the previous night, which meant it was extra soft and fluffy, and just messy enough to make him look even more attractive, without risk of becoming a tangled mess. From your angle, you took the time to appreciate his slender frame, which you found endlessly attractive. You loved everything about him, from his prominent collarbones, to his flat chest, to the slight indents of his ribcage traveling down to the smooth plane of his abdomen, punctuated by his sharp hip bones. It took everything in you to not draw your hands up his torso, feeling every muscle and the occasional edge of bone beneath your eager touch. You frowned slightly, remembering how he would occasionally jab at himself, stating that he looked like a skeleton or a walking corpse at times. Though you knew he was joking, at least for the most part, you were adamant on reminding him just how much you adored his body, which was something that simultaneously baffled and flattered him. Your effortless and brutally honest compliments never failed to turn him sheepish, avoiding your gaze and hiding his warm cheeks behind his long, thick bangs. And you would keep reminding him, again and again, that he was plenty attractive, even if you needed to give him a a few more hands-on demonstrations to prove it, which you were more than happy to provide.

Taking a deep breath, you leaned over him, slowly placing your hands on either side of his head. Leaning down, you simply couldn’t resist brushing your lips against his own, just the softest, feather-light touch, holding yourself back from diving in and kissing him blissfully awake. Moving down, you grazed your lips across his neck, planting a gentle kiss at the base, right beneath his choker, noting the faint, yet sharp scent of leftover hair product, and the smooth, silky scent of mild soap. You left a trail of soft kisses across his collarbone, smiling into his skin as you noticed goosebumps appearing at your touch, then moved down to his chest, leaving a few kisses over his sternum before boldly swiping your tongue over one of his nipples. He flinched, and you looked up at his face, fearing the worst, but he simply turned his head to the side and settled back into sleep, breathing deeply. You could have imagined it, but you thought his cheeks took on a slightly rosy tint, contrasting with his normally pale complexion.

Continuing your journey downward, you lavished his soft belly with loving kisses and the occasional warm, gentle sweep of your tongue. Reaching the top of his hips, you nuzzled the soft, dark hair trailing down from his navel into the waistband of his briefs, before shifting your body down between his knees. You gingerly spread his thighs apart with your fingertips, lying down onto your stomach and slowly shimmying yourself forward, fitting comfortably between his long legs. Kissing up his soft inner thighs, you began to apply more pressure, teasing the sensitive skin with the edges of your teeth. You journeyed further upward, sucking on a particularly sensitive patch of skin that made his legs twitch beneath you. Hearing him exhale, you looked up, noticing as his breathing became slightly more labored. With a satisfied grin, you reached up with one hand, lightly palming the growing bulge beneath the soft fabric of his briefs. You adored the way Piers’ body reacted to even the slightest, most teasing touches, and the fact that you could make him feel so good so easily was a massive turn-on. It certainly helped boost your confidence—not to mention, seeing the handsome musician thoroughly enjoy himself never failed to make you weak in the knees.

It only took a few moments for your boyfriend to grow hard and wanting beneath your ministrations. You released him from his briefs, taking a moment to admire his cock in all its unapologetic glory. You suddenly remembered his reaction to you the first time you saw it. You must have been making some kind of face, because he immediately interjected with, “It’s not that big, is it?”, to which you replied, “Oh, ‘It’s not that big, is it?’,”  playfully mocking his accent for good measure, “Mr. Humble over here with ‘It’s not that big’. Seriously?” you smiled and rolled your eyes as your boyfriend laughed. You then told him it was pretty, which made him laugh even harder, but you were being completely serious. It was big, as in long, but not too girthy, and as pale as he was, save for the last half, which was flushed pink (it was actually quite similar to the rest of him, now that you thought about it). It also never failed to make you feel so full and satisfied, hitting all the spots inside of you that made you whimper and squirm. You wanted to be re-acquainted, preferably soon, but for now, you had other plans.

You decided to tease him a little more before fully indulging yourself, drawing the soft pad of your index finger up the underside of his shaft before circling it around the tip, taking your sweet time to feel every dip and curve. His breathing grew heavier, and now you could see that his cheeks were fully flushed, his brow tensing slightly as you all but tickled his aching cock. Licking a stripe up your hand, you gently wrapped it around him, keeping your grip loose enough as to not overwhelm his senses right away. Stroking him slowly, you lavished the rest with gentle kisses, reveling in the way his hips twitched and his breath stuttered once you began swirling your tongue around the tip. He was so warm, and you felt him throb beneath your hand, his hips practically jolting in place when you gave the tip a generous squeeze. You briefly wondered if he was dreaming, and if so, if he was dreaming about you.

Watching, enamored, as the tip began to leak clear pre-cum, you felt a hunger welling up deep within your chest and between your legs. You slowly began to take him into your mouth, securely holding his hips down in case he unconsciously thrusted up inside of you (though you weren’t opposed to the idea, you didn’t want him to wake up to the sound of you gagging). You took him down about half way, before delaying his gratification by withdrawing and, again, swirling your tongue around the tip. His entire body shifted this time, a soft, tired, breathless moan escaping his lips, sending a sharp pang of arousal deep into your lower belly. Your brain grew foggy, a wave of lust and adoration clouding your thoughts as you took him all the way, brow furrowed in concentration, wrangling in your gag reflex once the tip hit the back of your throat. He moaned again, and if it wasn’t the most beautiful, erotic sound. His voice was already gorgeous under normal circumstances, but especially in the morning, when it was tinged with the slightest bit of gravel and honey-like richness. It made you feel hopelessly needy, your own arousal, slick and hot, pooling between your thighs.

You continued with the same action, slowly taking him until he hit the back of your throat, then withdrawing, listening intently to the way his moans became more haggard and desperate—until about the fifth time, when you pulled him in completely, daring to swallow around him and practically choke yourself on his cock. You heard him gasp, a startled moan escaping him as you felt a hand grip the back of your head. Well, good morning, you thought, trying not to smile or laugh with a cock stuffed halfway down your throat. You drew up off of him, your eyes connecting with his sparkling blue ones, his pupils blown wide, noting how his adorable flush had spread up to his ears and down his neck. Before he could say anything, you took him again, setting a more intense pace now that he was awake.

“Fuck—,” he groaned loudly, hips stuttering as he carded his long, slender fingers through your hair, his other hand clinging to the one holding his hip. You laced your fingers through his own as you drew up off of him again, sucking on the tip almost obscenely before licking a firm stripe up the underside of his shaft.

“So good, love,” he praised, shuddering as he threw his head back onto the pillows, taking a handful of your hair and tugging slightly. Pulling him back into the slick heat of your mouth, you moaned around him, his breathless praise making your heart flutter. Feeling him throb inside of you, you moaned again, breathing out through your nose, before bracing yourself and taking him as far as you could go, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. He practically convulsed, making a delicious choked, startled noise when you felt him spill down your throat—hot, musky, and not entirely unpleasant. He held your head firm to him as he rode out his orgasm, a string of curses, praises, and broken moans leaving his exhausted body, before you tapped him twice on the hip, indicating that you needed to breathe.

“Ah, sorry—!” he startled, releasing you as you practically gasped for air, settling back onto your knees. He leaned up, reaching out to cradle your face with one hand, drawing a thumb along your cheekbone before hooking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His gentle touch made you shudder, closing your eyes as you steadied your breathing. Upon hearing your name, you opened them again, your heart swelling at your boyfriend’s tired gaze and dopey, lovestruck grin.

“I… I just—,” he started, stumbling over his syllables, drawing a hand back through his messy hair, “You— you’re so— ah, fuck it,” he gave up on words and decided to just pull you up into his lap instead. You laid on top of him, chest flush against his own as he drew you into a lazy, tender kiss, and you couldn’t help but hum at the way he slid his tongue lovingly between your lips. Cradling your chin, he broke the kiss, staring deep into your eyes.

“I love you,” he practically whispered, and you felt your face heat under his intense gaze. Suddenly feeling shy, despite the filthy things you just did to him, you hid your face into the crook of his neck.

“I… I love you too,” you squeaked. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around you, and you could feel the vibrations of his voice beneath your flushed cheeks.

Sighing, you settled into him, listening to the rain and breathing in his warm scent as he came down from his high. You had almost dozed off again when he suddenly spoke.

“Ya know, if ya want me to do somethin’ for ya, I could—“

“Not right now,” you hummed, pressing a soft kiss to his neck, “Can we just stay like this, for a while?”

“Of course,” he replied, voice gentle and smooth as silk. He felt you smile against him, before you yawned dramatically, nuzzling further into him. He began tracing soothing circles into your back, sending tingles down your spine, and you quickly fell asleep to the sound of his breathing.

[longinglook]

I may or may not have spent my entire Sunday binge watching all of I told sunset about you and Gaya sa pelikula and now I have so many thoughts and feelings that I need to write about them so here we go! Under a read more (if tumblr allows me to) because it’s 2k words hehe

First of all, I knew next to nothing about both shows before starting them. I had seen a couple of gifs here and there, but really had no idea what I was in for.

I started with I told sunset about you, which has 3 episodes out of 5 out. All I knew is that it was going to be beautiful and possibly sad, and it was. Everything about this show is so high quality, from the audio to the dialogue to the locations to the acting, just wow. The production is better than a lot of movies I’ve seen, and every technical aspect is perfect. I am really loving the plot so far as well, I find the childhood friendship to stubborn rivalry to grown up friendship again very relatable. I think it’s a very common experience for a lot of non straight folks to develop an extremely close bond with a same sex friend when you’re too young to realize what you’re actually feeling for them until you’re a lot older and suddely the jealousy and possessivenes all make sense.

I love the recurring themes sprinkled throughout the episodes, starting from the chinese vocabulary that expresses the core thoughts of the two main characters: rival, intimacy, secret, male protagonist, as promised. They could easily be the episode titles, or the names of imaginary sections the show could be divided into. It’s a great way to integrate metaphors and deeper meaning into the plot.

That’s how most of the communication goes in this show, deep emotions are never conveyed through words because words are scary and loud and they can’t be taken back once they’re out there. The plot advances though stares and gestures and touch and gorgeous shots of the landscape. The pace is slow with hour-long episodes that could each be a movie of their own. This worried me a bit before starting, and I have to admit that at times I struggled to stay focused, especially during scenes that set the mood but don’t do much plot-wise. This is just a personal preference, though, and in no way I see it as a flaw. 

The dancing around each other the main characters do, sometimes literal, is frustrating but it determines an emotional build up that’s just starting to reach its peak. This is one of those shows that has me screaming if only they talked to each other, but the silences and unspoken words are so well directed and acted that it works. I struggle a lot with keeping in mind that they’re still in high school, they’re very young and I can’t expect them to act rationally just yet. 

I was really worried about Teh possibly going the insufferable Theory-of-love-khai way, and I am still not 100% sold on him. When he started helping Oh-aew again it felt like he was just doing it to make himself feel better about the whole thing. It was frustrating to see him so possessive and jealous while also so deeply in denial about his own feelings, to the point where he had me rooting for Bas instead. He was getting better, but then he fled at the end of episode 3 and now I have no clue what’s going to happen next. About this, I really have no idea if they’re going for a happy ending or a sad one. I’m really hoping it will be good, because so far there has been barely any emotional payoff for all the repressed longing and misunderstanding the show has put us through.

I do like their dynamic a lot though, I have a weak spot for childhood friends reconnecting and an ever weaker spot for informal mentor/mentee relationships. Oh-aew asking Teh to tutor him until he passes the admission exam was an almost exact mirror of Yuri on ice Yuri begging Victor to be his coach until he retires and I loved that a lot.

Now on to the one issue I have with this show: it feels too much like an art film. It reminds me of Moonlight and Call me by your name, in the way that I wasn’t able to connect with those movies because they are too perfect. They are so beautiful and carefully crafted that I can’t fully immerse myself in them. There’s a filter that stops me from relating to the characters and constantly reminds me that this is not reality. It’s pretty, it’s extremely well done, but it feels like art. It has some quirks, some scenes that feel too artificial. One scene in particular, the one where Teh buries his head in the paper Oh-aew wrote with his coconut scented pen to sniff it, which is a direct parallel to Call me by your name, bothered me in particular. Just as it felt over-the-top and purposefully weird in the movie, so it feels in the show. It’s a way of showcasing how a confused teen deals with attraction he barely understands, it’s raw and animalistic in a way, but it’s so quirky that all it accomplishes is to remind me that I’m watching an lgbt show. It makes me wonder if a scene like this would make sense in a straight relationship because here it seems to highlight how different and primal his attraction is. If I had to pinpoint it, I’d say that I have a problem with media showcasing queerness though peculiar, purposefully awkward scenes like these instead of normal kissing and cuddling.

Overall, I can’t wait to see how this show ends and I still think it’s one of the best bls to air in 2020, if not ever. It’s refreshing to see something with a big budget used well! So far my rating is 8/10, which I know is a lot lower than what everyone else seems to think but it’s still very much subject to change! Just hoping they won’t pull a Make our days count, but I doubt they’ll go there.

And now Gaya sa pelikula. Wow. Again, I knew next to nothing about this show before watching, and I was coming from a 3 hour I told sunset about you binge watch, so the bar was pretty high.

And boy, did this show deliver. I was blown away by the depth and the humor of it. It feels like the writers had fun taking all sorts of common tropes and stereotypes just to show everyone how well they can be evolved and made complex. Two strangers who somehow find themselves sharing an apartment sounds like the start of so many fanfictions out there, but it’s so well executed and interesting that you don’t even stop to think about how weak the premises for their meeting are. It doesn’t matter and it’s not even that far-fetched, either. The sister and the neighbor are also two characters that start off as extra stereotyped, but in just a few scenes they unveil an incredible depth and backstory. It blew me away.

Each character is so realistic. Everything they do and say makes sense, they all have their reasons and their past and they react accordingly, it’s so coherent. It’s impressive how everything takes place inside the house and you barely realize it because things happen and the plot moves anyways, and the way information about external events and people is conveyed is so seamless that you don’t even notice it. In only 7 episodes (so far) they have managed to give everyone a complex background and personality through the use of objects and small details and wow don’t get me started on the music.

The soundtrack is SO GOOD. I never really pay attention to music in shows but it plays a very important role here in my opinion and, well, it’s exactly the kind of music I like listening to and ahhh I just spent 4 hours playing the first kiss song on loop so I might be biased. Right from the start in episode 1, when Karl gives in to Vlad’s music and starts dancing to it, it’s established that it’s an important element to the mood of each scene. I love how the dancing I talked about for I told sunset about you comes back here, but while I saw it as a hesitant dancing around each other there, here it’s the opposite, it’s freeing and it’s about accepting yourself. And the end of episode 6 highlights this, with the beautiful quote “You are entitled to a love that lets you dance without fear and shame.” It made me cry a looooot.

I think the development of their relationship is masterfully done. It doesn’t happen too quickly nor too slowly. Karl goes through some needed shocks that act as his wake up call. When I’m watching bl shows I care the most about them feeling real and relatable. I don’t want to feel like they were written by a straight person trying to guess what it’s like to be gay. Now I didn’t look anything up about the Gaya sa pelikula writers, but I’d be very surprised if they were straight. I can relate to both Karl and Vlad for different aspects of their stories and their worries and thoughts. There was one part in particular that hit so close that I had to take a few breaks because it hurt too much. I am a lesbian, I’ve had relationship with a girl that lasted over a year, I am out to some friends but not all. I never came out to my parents, who are both very open minded and friends with a lot of gay people and would love me just as much if I told them, and yet I can’t. It’s not just that, I am terrified by the idea of them already knowing or being able to guess. When Karl freaked out over his uncle guessing, it hit me so hard because I’ve felt the same way so many times.

Episode 7 was amazing. I hate badly written drama the most, and 99% of shows can’t come up with any good reason for drama but they have to put it in there anyways and it sucks. This was the complete opposite, I adored it and I say this as a lover of fluff. It feels right, I think it’s an issue that would come up between two people like them. They are both right and the only thing that could happen there is what actually went down. I definitely think things will be fixed by the end and I am looking forward to it, but I am very glad this issue was included because it’s so important and so true to many lgbt people’s lives.

Another aspect I absolutely adored are the multiple references to lgbt theory and language, and Vlad has some of the best lines I’ve ever heard coming from a bl. When he tells Karl not to be afraid of the word, when he explains that “you don’t look gay” isn’t a compliment, when he scolds his sister for not acknowledging the things she used to say to him by covering them up with her ally act, those are all such important and educative moments that I hope everyone listens to. I love that Vlad is not correcting some ignorant bad guy, but it’s his accepting and loving friends and family that make the mistakes, because sometimes being supportive your own way isn’t enough if you’re not actively learning from the ones you want to support.

This is a 10/10 for me right now. I can’t find anything I don’t like about it. It never feels boring, it never feels overdone, it never feels cheap or unoriginal. It went straight to the top of my favorite bls.

And now I can’t help but compare the two a bit, because yes they are two different shows but right now the relationships they portray have reached the same point: there has been a climax and now the one who is more confused about his sexuality is panicking and taking a step back. It’s a coincidence that I watched both shows on the same day when their last aired episodes end in such a similar way, but it really leads me to compare the two. I don’t want to put them one against each other or say which one did it better because that’s not the point of this, they are both two amazing and important shows who are excelling in what they’re doing. 

Gaya sa pelikula is down to earth, it’s explicit and it’s straight to the point in explaining what’s going on inside each character’s head. It feels like watching real people deal with real struggles. I told sunset about you is a lot more subtle and quiet, and since we don’t really have a clear insight in the characters’ heads sometimes it’s hard to completely understand what’s going on with them. It’s a completely different way of narrating, and while Gaya sa pelikula makes me feel like I’m a part of the events, I told sunset about you feels like I’m just spectating from an outside perspective. They are different choices, but one of them ends up feeling a lot more emotional to me than the other.

To wrap it up, I highly recommend both shows and I can’t wait to see how they’ll end! They are both among the best shows of the year, both free of all those annoyingly stereotyped characters and plot points that most bls tend to overuse.

[palettepainter]

Can we know more/see some stuff with Ecto’s parents? How did they react when they found out they where going to be parents?

Their designs are still just sketches right now and as I mentioned in a past ask, I won’t be uploading for a while but when I’m ready to post I’ll share them (and hopefully the story of how Higari first reacted to meeting them) also don’t have names for his parents yet so they’ll be referred to as Ecto’s dad/mum

Here are some notes on their story though and when Ecto was little!

-Ecto’s dad was a singer with a light based quirk. He could absorb light and then shoot it out in light beams from his palms or eyes - if he absorbs natural light he’ll be happy and peppy, if he absorbs artificial light he’ll be more serious and will often tend to fake his feelings, and if he can’t absorb a lot of light (during winter or something) then he’ll be grumpy. He takes Vitamin D supplements to help when touring and in winter. He was never interested in family at the start of his music career, he got into the music industry at a young age so the fame went to his head, for many years he was purely focused on being in the lime light and preforming. Ecto’s mother was head worker in backstage and special affects and possed the quirk  Anthropomorph, she could make human like clones from any human sized object and control them at will. Being the head of backstage and special affects she worked closely with Ecto’s dad when his singing began to gain a lot more popularity. At first he viewed her as just a member of his stage team, nothing more, and it took years before their co worker relationship developed into genuine friends

-Being on a stage and preforming for so long took a toll on Ecto’s dad, being around all the artificial light thanks to the affects of his quirk left him most days feeling drained once he was behind the safety of his private tour bus. He’s a natural at hiding his feelings so after preforming he tended to be bitter towards co workers, faking feelings could be exhausting, especially when you had to sing also. One day after a tour of America Ecto’s mum comes into the tour bus with her bosses ordered food, only to find the man laying down face first on his sofa in a sad heap. He’s whining and fussing, all the artifical light from stage having turned him into a drama queen, insisting that he��s loosing his touch, the tour was a disaster, and how his career might as well be over. Ecto’s mother, still calm, places down his food and insists that though one day yes his career will come to an end, it won’t be today. She sits there to offer him company while he eats, and once he’s finished and has taken some Vitamin D supplements she takes her leave, wishing him a goodnight on the way out. 

-When they arrive back in Japan Ecto’s dad is more then a little embarrassed at the incident on the tour bus involving his immature behavior and Ecto’s mum. At first he tries his best to avoid her, not wanting her to bring up the topic, but in the end the embarrassment and worry she may tell someone becomes too much, and so he pulls her aside to sheepishly ask she keeps the incident to herself. Ecto’s mum reassures she hasn’t told anyone of what happened, but is prompted to ask why it was he had gotten himself in such a state, when he seemed perfectly fine minutes before he got onto the bus. Ecto’s dad doesn’t want to explain the functions of his quirk and how it affects his personality around other staff members, but he does feel like he at the very least owes her an explanation (he didn’t want her thinking he was acting like a child just for the sake of it). After work he takes her into his office and shyly explains how his quirk works, how all the artificial light on stage makes him cranky, and how he always has to keep vitamin D supplements handy preforming, and how he doesn’t host any performances during the winter time because of this. Opening up such a vulnerable part of him to someone he hardly knew was hard. and in the following weeks kept a close eye on Ecto’s mum to make sure she didn’t gossip. To make sure she doesn’t he promotes her to his personal manager, where the two are forced to spend more time together. Ecto’s mum has her suspicions that he was keeping her in line by keeping her close, and so once again, is prompted to ask why it was he chose a music career if he didn’t want people to know of the drawbacks to his quirk. He answers sincerely that he loves to sing, and from a young age has always wanted to preform. In school talent shows, to his family, in the theater production, he did it all. Singing was his talent, and he loved to do it, even if that meant some days of preforming on stage where harder then others. Yet again he opened up another vulnerable part of himself (he didn’t really get to talk about all this personal stuff much, so a small tiny part of him was glad she asked because then he could get it off his chest). Ecto’s mum however, smiles at him, and before he can ask, she promises she won’t tell anyone.

-This was where the friendship began to turn into something real. Ecto’s dad felt as though he could expose the vulnerable and more negative sides to his personality in her presence, and Ecto’s mum offered an ear or just company for him to be with. With Ecto’s dad being a singer it was hard for the two to go on dates/spend time together after his shows, so most days they’d spend their time together in his private estate. The first thing Ecto’s mum was surprised about was how big and well kept his garden was, Ecto’s dad having a light based quirk wanted to have a house with a BIG garden, gardening is one of his more personal hobbies outside of singing. When they spend time at his home, Ecto’s mum gets to see his more positive side, the side of him that comes out around natural light. He’s funny, he’s charming, he’s...surprisingly eccentric and funny, and is a huge dork. Now when he’s preforming she can’t wait to see the dorky side of him when he’s back at home, this is where the two become something more as best friends then boss and worker. Years into their friendship on his birthday Ecto’s mother plans a special surprise in his schedule - Ecto’s dad’s birthday comes just after winter, when he’s the most miserable. Ecto’s mum basically became his babysitter in this time because he hardly left his bed. Ecto’s mum wanted to give him something special for his birthday by organizing a week’s vacation for him off in the country. Ecto’s dad is so ecstatic that he pulls her into a giant hug and spins her round the room, and then - after his mother got over her shock - eagerly invites her to join him on his holiday. The two spent many lazy afternoons laying in giant fields, doing all the typical country holiday things - packing picnics, star gazing, sleeping in till gone ten. To this day that holiday is one of their fondest memories together

-Their first kiss happened when the two went out into a big field to have a picnic, Ecto’s dad was goofing around to try and get Ecto’s mum to put down her silly book and come have fun with him instead. She rolls her eyes, pretending to ignore him, but cracks up laughing when he trips on a stick and ends up toppling down the hill. She rushes down after him, still laughing away, to find him face first in the dirt. For about two seconds she’s concerned, before he rolls over also howling with laughter. The two spend the rest of the day rolling down hills, blowing grass in the others face, sun bathing and enjoying their picnic, where they then have a tender moment together and have their first kiss, both are blushing idiots afterwards and are equally giddy. When dating came into the picture Ecto’s dad was pretty upfront about it, being a singer who was pretty famous he wanted Ecto’s mum to understand that dating him would also mean she’d be the eye of attention too - of course she agrees to date him because she’s in love with this dork. They keep dating as private as they can, though it’s often hard as the two have this sort of silent flirting thing going on at work. Sometimes he’ll randomly pull a stupid face that’ll make her snort when she’s trying to be serious. and sometimes she’ll give him a quick kiss on the cheek before he goes up onto stage - they’re a very lovey dovey couple. Ecto’s mum was the one to bring up the topic of kids and a family, and though initially nervous about the idea, Ecto’s dad agrees and lil Ecto is born. Parenting is hard, especially with their careers thrown into the mix. They took a leave from singing and preforming when Ecto was very young, and would often have him babysat by someone close when his dad was preforming. The day his quirk kicked in, which was earlier then most quirks, was when the two had a proper talk about the future and what they had to do - they couldn’t constantly be working and parenting at the same time. It’s heartbreaking for his dad, but he quits the singing career, as much as he loved music he loved his kid more, and he didn’t want his selfish behavior to backfire and mess Ecto up in the future.

-They move into his estate with the big garden where Ecto grows up, his parents are a bit sheltering off him with his dad still being a well known singer for his past career. He’s sent to a private primary school for gifted children and then later on UA, his dad ends up loving lil Ecto even more then he did his singing, spoiled him a lot when he was little and still does, even though he’s an adult. Later down the line when Ecto is in his early teen years his dad is able to pick up music again, only this time he does his singing from home - he and his wife where able to make their own singing studio out at the back of their garden, run fully on natural light and the light he absorbs, he’s much happier recording from home then he ever was on tour, even if he’s not as popular as he once was.

Small side notes;

-Whereas Higari’s mum and dad called him and his siblings sweetpea, Ecto’s parents called him angel when he was little. Sometimes they’ll still call him angel to tease him

-His dad cried when Ecto showed interest in singing, proud dad moment. He was over the moon about it. When Ecto came home from UA the two would sometimes go to his singing studio to sing together. They also went to karaoke 

-Ecto’s quirk caused the two a lot of stress. In the beginning Ecto didn’t have a lot of control over his quirk, so sometimes would accidentally make a duplicate of himself without realizing, mostly when he was yawning. Imagine the shock his parents had when they where out in the garden, lil Ecto would trip on a stone and just, sploosh, he turns to goo. It gave them a heart attack every time

-His dad sung him lullaby's when he was little

-They where ecstatic when they found out Ectoplasm had kids of his own. Finally Ecto you got them some grand kids took you long enough. They love Haiya and Riley so so much, Ecto tells his dad not to spoil them, but jokes on him he’s going to spoil them rotten and theres nothing Ecto can do to stop him

-Higari was terrified about meeting Ecto’s parents for the first time, since they where previously famous singers back in the day he was worried they wouldn’t approve of some dirty looking engineer dating their son. Ecto’s parents actually love Higari very much, heck Ecto’s dad actually very much enjoys listening to his stories from his time in the country. With Ecto’s dad being a fan of gardening he likes to hear all the stories Higari has of how he and his siblings would mess around in their garden when he was little 

[sailorbadger]

Book Review - 6 modern female-led Robin Hood adaptations

In the past 8 months or so I have read/watched/listened to over 30 different Robin Hood adaptations. Over the summer I found myself reading almost exclusively adaptations that were written by women and centered women in the story one way or another. (I also found out that “lesbian Robin Hood” is a whole genre on its own.) I decided to write short reviews for 6 of these books since I know I have followers that probably share my enjoyment of this particular niche. 

This post includes spoiler-free reviews for the following books

Outlaw and Scarlet by Niamh Murphy

Nottingham: The True Story of Robyn Hood by Anna Burke

Hood by Jenny Elder Moke

Marian, Princess Thief by C.K. Brooke

Heart of Sherwood by Edale Lane

The rest of the post will be under the cut since this is quite long.

Despite the fact that I read other books that could technically fit this same category, I decided to focus on these six in my review because these ones are easily accessible to most of my audience (meaning that they are in English and new enough - the oldest one being from 2018 I think - so that you should be able to find them easily). 

I tried to keep these reviews relatively short and spoiler-free. That means that describing specific plot points is impossible because in most of these, the basic premise is the typical Robin Hood origin story. I tried to focus on my general feelings about the books and the characters and their relationships. 

I won’t be doing any numerical ratings. I know that the order in which I read these impacted on how I felt about them. If I had read them in a different order, I would probably feel differently about some of them. That’s why it’s difficult for me to give any real ratings. The reviews are not in any real order either, apart from my favorite being the last one.

These reviews are also about 75% serious and 25% not serious. When my friend and I started to go through all these different Robin Hood adaptations, we made a bingo card that features tropes/themes/details found in a lot of different versions of the story. I’ll leave quick comments on the reviews on how each of these did, but I won’t go too much into detail on those.

Niamh Murphy: Outlaw & Scarlet

I grouped these two books together because they are the first two parts of a series. My understanding is that the author does plan on eventually releasing more, but since Scarlet was released this year, it might take a while. If a third book does come out, I might read it, but I’m not in a hurry to reread these two.

Outlaw tells the story of how Robyn, the daughter of a baron, ends up becoming an outlaw. If you are familiar with at least a few Robin Hood adaptations, you will know how it goes. There are no big surprises, but I suppose the purpose of this story is to introduce us to the characters and set the scene for the later books. Scarlet continues Robyn’s story and introduces a new character to the story. (I won’t go too much into details on the second book to avoid spoilers, since its plot does not follow familiar beats as much as the first one.)

Besides the books on this list, I have also read/watched/listened to several other Robin Hood adaptations as well, and when it comes to plot, Outlaw lands in the “uninteresting” section. There was nothing new or exciting there, and seeing that I have spent most of the year in a Robin Hood -bubble, I was left wanting more. Scarlet was a slight improvement seeing as Outlaw was mostly a very generic Robin Hood origin story. Together they still feel like this is just the beginning of a longer story, so I hope that if a third book comes out we get into the real action.

Outlaw is marketed as a “lesbian retelling” of the Robin Hood story, but compared to some of the other titles on this list, I was left wanting more. The romance aspect is barely there, so if you’re going to pick these up for Robyn and Marian’s relationship, prepare for slow burn. 

The characters didn’t leave a huge impression on me. I do have to say that the Sheriff’s wife was interesting and I wish we had gotten more of her. Other than her, I felt that at times many of the characters could have been from any adaptation. 

Overall, there wasn’t anything really wrong with these books, but they just didn’t entertain me as much as the others. I feel that if I had read these before all the other ones on this list, I would have enjoyed them more. Outlaw and Scarlet are a good read for someone who wants a basic Robin Hood story with a lesbian lead. I still think that marketing the first book as a “lesbian retelling” is setting unrealistic expectations for some, but I hope that in the future the series really earns that title.

I completely forgot to fill out a bingo card for these two and at this point I have forgotten many of the details so unfortunately we’ll never know the result. Most of the tropes hit were so general they probably weren’t on our card anyway.

Anna Burke: Nottingham: The True Story of Robyn Hood

Out of all of the books in this list, Anna Burke’s Nottingham is perhaps the most explicit in its queerness. Although the story obviously doesn’t use modern labels, I would say that it includes representation for (at least) lesbian, bi and trans character(s). None of this feels too out-of-place, and instead Nottingham offers a (mostly) historically accurate Robin Hood tale with a queer main cast.

The plot mostly follows your typical Robin Hood -formula: After a hunting accident, Robyn becomes an outlaw, surrounds herself with loyal friends and helps those in need. This aspect of the book doesn’t offer any new ideas or challenge the existing ideas about Robin Hood as a story. However, it focuses more on the characters, so it doesn’t really need anything new. Marian especially has to come to terms with her feelings towards Robyn and women in general. I do have to say though, that the romance between Robyn and Marian happens a little fast - they only meet a few times before falling in love. [Insert joke about lesbians moving too fast here] It didn’t bother me too much, but I do wish there had been a little more buildup. 

From this list, I read this book the most recently. It may be that I was just so burned out from reading all these Robin Hood -stories but I didn’t connect with the book that well. I enjoyed it, but I wish there had been more of that fun sense of adventure I look for in these stories. 

I would recommend Nottingham to anyone who wants to read a story that manages to be historically accurate and use the Robin Hood mythos to its advantage while not shying away from its portrayal of queerness. Although it did not hold my attention as well as some of the other books, it is still written well and has a good story.

This book didn’t get a bingo unless you interpret “lähentely* which is uncomfortable for the audience” as the sex scene (there is sex in this book but nothing that explicit, I would say high T/low M in Ao3-ratings) being uncomfortable for the reader OR the third person in that scene being uncomfortable. About half of the bingo card was still filled.

*I couldn’t come up with a good translation for this word, it means something along the lines of making moves/coming onto someone/making advances, though for this bingo I use it to generally mean anything flirty/intimate/sexual/etc.

 Jenny Elder Moke: Hood

This book was the first one on this list I read. Compared to the other novels, I would say that Hood is the least like your typical Robin Hood story. The book follows Isabelle, Robin and Marian’s daughter, who has to find her father in order to save her mother. The adventure is brand new, though there are still familiar characters and the basic concept of Robin Hood is honored. This is a story about the next generation of outlaws, so if you’re looking for something that focuses on characters from the legends, you may be disappointed.

Speaking of the characters, I loved Little, Patrick and Helena. I could have just read a book where this group of young outlaws has adventures and been satisfied. Unfortunately I didn’t connect well with the main lead, Isabelle, and the love interest, Adam, felt like a very generic hot guy from a YA novel. The romance itself is practically non-existent, and honestly I could have done without it. Seriously, I had completely forgotten about that whole thing until I started writing this review. This story is more about Isabelle’s relationship with her parents, which I like. She also gets to build genuine friendships with the other characters. I just wish the book had been a little longer so that it could have spent more time developing some of these relationships.

Had I read this book when I was a teenager, I most likely would have loved it a lot more. It is YA, and at times it really shows. As far as Robin Hood stories go, I generally enjoy the “outlaws being outlaws in the forest” content the most, and unfortunately this featured surprisingly little of it. It still offered its own take on what could happen after the legends everyone knows, even if it doesn’t add much to the legends themselves.

It is important that I mention here that if Allan has a child in an adaptation, this child must be named either Allan jr. or Alana. This book fulfills this basic need for me and I am satisfied. It also checked most of the boxes on the bingo, and I almost filled the whole sheet. So somehow, despite not really following the typical Robin Hood formula, Hood managed to include all the important tropes.

If you are a teenager who enjoys Robin Hood -stories, I would definitely recommend this book. It’s not the best YA novel out there, but it’s a good standalone story. I think that for adults, this can be a good read if you are a fan of Robin Hood -stories and/or enjoy this type of YA anyway. I wasn’t sure what type of book this was when I started reading, but if you just prepare yourself for a fun adventure aimed at young teens, you can enjoy this. It’s very quick to read, I think I read it in one day.

Also, I must quote a review I saw on Storygraph (imagine this is in all caps) : “hjsxhfjsdksfjk???????????? Patrick best character no cap”

C. K. Brooke: Marian, Princess Thief

In Marian, Princess Thief, Robin Hood doesn’t exist at all. Instead the story follows Marian, who in this version is a princess, who escaped an assassination attempt and is now living in the forest as an outlaw with six other women - the genderbent versions of the Merry Men. Eventually there is a romance in this book as well, but the biggest force carrying through the book is the friendship between the women. If I had to describe the novel in just one word, I would say it’s lovable. If I had to describe it in two, I would say it’s dissappointingly heterosexual. 

Maybe the fact that I found a genre that is basically “lesbian Robin Hood” has ruined me, but how can you write a story that features seven women living in the forest as outlaws, and not one of them is queer? This is entirely a thing that bothers me personally, and the book doesn’t need queer representation to be good, but there is no reason to not include it. Headcanons can fortunately go a long way, but I’m just saying that you could easily keep everything about Scarlett’s backstory the same except make her a lesbian. (In fact, I’m 98% joking when I say that her not being a lesbian is a homophobic choice. I will elaborate on this if you ask me but I won’t go too much into it here because I would have to explain things about other adaptations as well.)

As for the straight romance, I can’t say that I was feeling it. I could see the points where I was supposed to feel something, so maybe it’s just the fact that I’m aspec myself, but I didn’t care that much about it. Still, it was refreshing to see a story where the romance doesn’t overshadow the friendships between the women, and instead they are valued just as much (if not more) as the romantic relationship. The story doesn’t dig too deeply into the characters, but I still loved all the women. (I don’t care about the male lead. But I know others who would.)

I think the biggest “problem” this book has (apart from not making Scarlett a lesbian) is that the ending feels just a little bit rushed compared to the rest of the novel. I still think that the novel achieves everything it tries to do, but I could have used one more chapter to flesh out the climax.

The bingo card wasn’t even close to being full, but you know what, Marian, Princess Thief is good enough as it is and doesn’t need to follow all the familiar tropes. Still, how hard is it to include a bird?

This was a very quick read, in fact I basically just read it all in one go. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to read something lighthearted and, like me, is often disappointed by the lack of women in Robin Hood stories.

To end this, I will leave you with a translated quote from my WhatsApp commentary: “What is it that in all these Robin Hood stories these old dudes are all after these young maidens like get yourself a hot milf and leave the kids alone”

Edale Lane: Heart of Sherwood

Heart of Sherwood is my favorite Robin Hood -novel that I have read so far. It has just about everything I could want: good characters, a fun sense of adventure, political scheming, great relationships (both romantic and platonic) and a good ending. I was less than two chapters into this book when I knew that this would be a difficult one to top.

The premise of this book is very similar to Burke’s Nottingham: both follow the story of Robyn becoming an outlaw, making friends with the other Merry (Wo)Men and developing a relationship with Marian. I don’t want to compare these two stories too much, but I did prefer the more lighthearted tone of Heart of Sherwood. This was also the first book where I was actually invested in the romance. Normally in pretty much all Robin Hood adaptations, the relationship between Robin and Marian doesn’t interest me greatly; I don’t mind it, but it’s not something I have too many personal feelings about. However, only a few chapters into Heart of Sherwood I thought: “If these two don’t get a happy ending I’m going to jump out of the window.” (I won’t spoil where this threat ended up going.)

One thing I appreciate about the romance in this one is that Robyn and Marian already know each other, so I didn’t have to deal with a romance that develops too fast. The novel also had other things to offer besides being a “lesbian Robin Hood” story, so I didn’t feel like I had to enjoy the romance to enjoy the whole story. I was very invested the whole way through, and out of all the books I’ve reviewed here, this one made me the most emotional. 

As a fan of the BBC show, I do have to say that this novel had a very similar vibe; there was a good balance of action and humor. Maybe that was a part of why I enjoyed this so much. I was also able to predict exactly how certain things would end up. I kind of wish I would have been more surprised. 

This novel is well paced, it is exactly the right length for the story it’s telling and overall I can’t really find things to complain about. If I wasn’t petty, I would give this book full five stars, but because I am petty, for very personal reasons I’m giving it 4,99999… stars. As for the bingo, this one filled most of the sheet.

I’ll end this review with this random line I had shared on WhatsApp for some reason: ""Does this mean I am dead?" Alan asked in jest. - - - "Nay; same annoying jester, alive as ever, and likely wanting for a pint about now."”

Conclusion

Writing these reviews was surprisingly difficult because most of the stories follow the same formula, so commenting on anything that moves away from said formula could be considered a spoiler. Hopefully if you read this far you were still interested enough in at least one of these books and feel inspired to read them. I would happily recommend any of them, and if you want to know my more detailed thoughts on them, feel free to message me. The same applies to all the adaptations I’ve gone through. I have Thoughts that I’m dying to share. 

[nomazee]

Learning Process

kozume kenma x reader; kenma/reader/kuroo friendship

word count: 1900+

content: fluff, developing friendship/relationship, friends-to-lovers (but the lovers is like... hinted at? mainly?), kuroo pov (still in second-person pov but centers around his perspective of everything), HOPEFULLY-accurate depictions of kenma’s personality.

cross-posted on my ao3

(hiya! here’s a oneshot for one of my favorite boys in haikyuu! this is a work that i’m a bit proud of just because to me, kenma is a very interesting and complex character and i was excited to try and give my take on him as a person and how he would interact with the reader as a character. in this, i mainly focused on the dynamics between kenma & reader in the eyes of a third-party (i.e. kuroo) because i thought that would be a cool thing to do. 

if you guys have any criticisms about how i portrayed both kenma and kuroo (because he’s definitely an interesting character too! and a bit difficult to write, too, in all honesty) please tell me! i always appreciate comments on how i can improve :)

without further ado here it is! hope you all enjoy!)

☾.:°∗★.:☆:.★∗°:.☽

Kuroo always thought the way you and Kenma interacted was interesting.

He refrained from using ‘weird’--scared that it would come off as harsh and paint you two as alienated and make you feel disconnected from others due to your nontraditional dynamics. That certainly wasn’t the case--you and Kenma weren’t weird, just different, interesting, and so on and so on.

Kuroo liked to observe. It’s what he did. Especially when it came to his two closest friends.

Kenma met you in your first years of high school, where you two were in the same class. Contrary to popular belief (“popular belief” being the conclusions drawn by the others on the volleyball team who were close enough to observe the way you three interacted), you did not grow up with him and Kuroo, and at the beginning you and Kuroo were completely separate beings--completely separate types of a friend for Kenma.

So, the ravenette hadn’t known about you until well into the break between Kenma’s first and second year. Kuroo always had an inkling of a suspicion that there was someone else, someone different that was just as familiar with Kenma as he was (maybe even more so), but he never pushed the topic too much, scared to push Kenma too far and make him shut himself out due to Kuroo’s constant pestering.

Kuroo knew you were different when Kenma took the initiative to let you two meet. He was enthusiastic, even. It was an emotion he rarely saw on the younger teen’s face, only peeking through his calm facade when he was playing a particularly engaging game.

Kenma had made plans (something that was a really big tell in how close you were to him) in order to properly introduce you to his childhood friend. And Kuroo watched you stumble into a cafe, scanning the room with your eyes briefly before locking onto the two of them in a booth and breaking out into a light, airy smile.

(He soon realized why Kenma wanted to sit across from him rather than next to him like he usually did when hanging out in groups. You took the adjacent seat rather quickly, and comfortably, something that Kuroo knew was a familiar action to you just by the way you and Kenma sat only millimeters apart.)

From that day on, Kenma began to involve you in his plans with Kuroo more often. Of course, the two boys still had their own alloted time for themselves but Kuroo became familiar with hearing words of “Maybe we should invite [Name].” or “[Name] probably wants to go there, too.” whenever he suggested going somewhere with the boy.

He couldn’t find it in himself to get frustrated or annoyed with you for taking time away from his and Kenma’s “guy time” --he wasn’t that childish. If anything, he appreciated you--as a person, as a friend, and especially as a friend of Kenma’s.

The latter, mainly because of just how purely comfortable you made Kenma.

Kuroo never saw Kenma act so soft as when he was with you. The descriptor was laughable--but accurate. Kenma was so relaxed and languid in your presence. It was especially strange to see how low his guard was in crowds--a side of Kenma so foreign to Kuroo, because no matter how many years Kenma spent being forced to open up (in a good way, of course) by Kuroo, crowds and cramped public spaces would always sent him in a frenzy of looklooklookanalyzeanalyzeanalzyefocusfocusfocus , and Kuroo had to slowly become familiar with methods to calm his friend down.

(It’s safe to say crowded areas weren’t really visited very often anymore, and hang-outs were naturally restricted to one of their homes or malls unnaturally early, when it was the emptiest.)

But visits to the malls on weekend afternoons became frequent as soon as you were added to their equation. Kuroo watched you and Kenma walk into packed merchandise stores, fluttering about excitedly (the excitement was mainly on your part) and pointing out things of interest, hand-in-hand.

That was another thing. Hand-in-hand. It was kind of funny.

It was another aspect of yours and Kenma’s dynamic Kuroo found different but good. It was another detail of how comfortable the half-blonde boy was with you. More often than not Kuroo had caught the two of you touching each other in some way--intimate, but not sexual, of course. It wasn’t strange to see you two holding hands under the table in a diner or sitting particularly close to each other on the train or, more rarely, caught in each other’s embrace--which Kenma didn't hesitate to reciprocate .

He once teased Kenma about it (with no real malice because, again, he really couldn't find it in himself to be genuinely annoyed with how comfortable you made his friend even in typically uncomfortable situations), with a friendly jeering “how come you never hold my hand?”

He didn’t expect a response any different from the typical scoff and change of topic. But Kenma was quiet. eyes shifting away from his handheld game console and locked onto the floor--a subtle indicator that he was searching for an eloquent response.

“She…” he began, trailing off before trying to pick up his train of thought once more. “She’s really… nice. She makes me feel nice.”

Kuroo found that to be a breakthrough in both the relationship between you and Kenma and Kenma himself. Not only did Kenma think of you on such a high level, but you made him feel nice--a phrase that could be taken in many different ways but no matter what, the connotations were overwhelmingly positive.

You made Kenma feel good--in general. You made him want to go to the mall. You made him feel calm in crowded places. You made him stop the subtle, constant habit of picking at his nails when he was nervous and overwhelmed. You made him want to come to practice. You made him want to wake up early.

You made him happy. Slowly, but surely, you were making him happy, you were making him motivated, you were opening up new possibilities for Kenma, changing him in subtle, helpful ways.

Kenma was still Kenma --Kuroo knew you hadn’t purposefully changed him in drastic ways and you didn't seem to plan to, either. Kenma still acted bothered by his teammates, by practice--he was still adverse to most social interactions and still had a sarcastic bite to his words. But internally he was changing, in ways Kuroo hadn’t seen before, and in ways that maybe most people wouldn’t be able to see simply because they hadn’t known Kenma for as long as he had.

Kuroo smiled, sitting next to Kenma on the couch of the setter’s living room. It was one of those rare days where you weren’t involved in their plans--Kuroo had invited himself over and Kenma didn’t bring up your name in the middle of their hang-out, so he took it as is and just let himself relax in the presence of his younger best-friend.

Kuroo thought for a moment, eyes focusing on nothing in particular as he subconsciously tuned out the sound effects coming from Kenma’s current game in favor of the distant static in his head. Now that he thought about it, he never really thought of you as anyone more than a friend of Kenma’s, but the way you two interacted potentially insinuated that you two had something more.

He almost laughed at himself. Hand holding, hugging, all these things--and the thought never passed his mind that the two of you could be dating?

Maybe it was just that he didn’t find a need to label you two. It wasn’t his relationship in the first place. It was the bond between his two closest friends, which was still something to care about (sometimes he thought he cared about it too much--all in good spirit, though), but Kuroo really only focused on how content you and Kenma were with each other. The thought of you being each other’s significant others was certainly plausible--but not a necessary component of your relationship.

Kuroo knew this. Kuroo knew that you two could be more than friends but less than lovers. Kuroo thought you two could be soulmates. In whatever way the word could be defined.

Coming back to reality, Kuroo glanced to the side at Kenma, who was slouched over and staring intently at the screen, thumbs moving in blurs across the controller.

“Hey, Kenma.”

There was silence. Looked like he wasn’t done with the level just yet. A minute passed. A little chime of victory emitted from the console and Kenma moved onto the next level, not before uttering a “yeah?” of acknowledgement.

“You and [Name],” the ravenette began. “Are you two dating?”

Kuroo watched as his friend froze at the straightforward nature of the question. His character died and he huffed out a short sigh of frustration as he restarted the level.

Kuroo forced himself to remain silent and let Kenma gather his thoughts for a minute. As expected, the boy eventually spoke up with a response. (Kuroo found familiarity in this interaction, like the last one he’d had with Kenma about you. He laughed a little to himself at how the situation just seemed to constantly come full circle.)

“No.” He responded bluntly, then. “We’re not.”

That last addition seemed significant--he could’ve left it at a one-word response like he normally might, but he added a clarification even though it wasn’t really needed. Call Kuroo an over-analyzer, but he knew how to read his friend. You’d hope he did, after all these years.

Kenma’s tone was not flat, Kuroo knew, mainly from body language rather than the actual sound of his voice. His eyes shifted from the screen, to the floor, to the arm of the sofa, and back to Kuroo.

The two friends sat in silence, watching each other. Kuroo didn’t know what he was searching for in Kenma’s gaze, and he didn’t know what Kenma was searching for, either. Maybe he wasn’t looking at him with a purpose, maybe just absentmindedly--or as an unspoken affirmation of all the thoughts and possibilities running through Kuroo’s conscious mind.

Moments passed, and Kuroo huffed out a laugh of amusement, starling and confusing his friend.

“Maybe… tell her.”

There was no need for elaboration. Kenma didn't question him, and even as he turned back to his game Kuroo knew he understood entirely what he meant by that.

That night, as Kuroo made the short walk back home, he found himself opening up his texts and finding your name, deciding to ask a simple question. Maybe he was nosy. Maybe he was curious. Maybe he wanted a confirmation for the thoughts and potential outcomes swirling through his head.

Do you love him?

He received a response in seconds.

‘Love’ is a bit of a strong word. But yeah. I do.

He refrained from responding, viewing the three moving dots on the left side of the screen until they were replaced with a rather lengthy message.

I know how he is. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going to hurt him or pressure him or do anything to rush him into something like this. I’m his friend before anything else.

Kuroo found himself smiling yet again. You really did know Kenma. So well. Scarily well. That was good, though. You were good.

And Kuroo knew that everything was fine, when weeks passed and he saw that you two still held hands. Still sat close on the trail. Still hugged and still went to malls and cafes, the three of you.

He knew that things were even better than fine when he saw you in the stands at one of their games, right near the front, waving to a certain setter and calling his name with sheer, unadulterated excitement seeping through your pores and lighting up your eyes.

He especially knew that things were great when a smile--a true, wide smile found itself creeping up across Kenma’s face.

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

If you could change ten things about Teen Wolf what would you change??

OMG BUCKLE DOWN BECAUSE IT’S GONNA BE A LONG ONE! Do asks have a word limit? Guess we gonna find out! (Sometimes I wish I could speak these replies, they sound much funnier when I am speaking out loud to myself and then they are just weird and flat typed up but I DIGRESS! I do that a lot, have you noticed? Doesn’t matter.)

(Also, I did put a “Keep Reading” but for some reason it’s not working. Or it’s not showing as working on my end. But it’s right under this paragraph I swear so if it’s not working, that isn’t on me....)

1) SO! Trauma. People be dealing with their traumas. That’d be a thing I’d like, thank you. Like, I’m sorry, but there is a fuckton of trauma in this show and everyone like, goes to bed at night and wakes up cured. Like MAGIC! I mean, yes, I get that magic is a thing in the show (is it? I mean kind of? Idk, I never saw past season 4, they alluded to magic and then SNATCHED THAT AWAY so, side-note, that’s coming up later!) But yes, I would’ve very much liked for people to, you know, deal with their traumas in a realistic fashion. Let’s get some therapy going, or like, idk, some actual negative reactions to thing! They kind of had that with Stiles every now and then, but he seemed to be up and down episode to episode so like, it’d be like they wrote an episode where he reacts to what happened to him and then four episodes have gone by where he’s fine and the writers were like “OH YEAH SHIT HE JUST MURDERED LIKE A WHOLE HOSPITAL, make him have a panic attack randomly over dropping milk, that balances out, excellent, we’re so smart.” So yes. DEAL. WITH. THE. TRAUMA! Thanks.

2) LESS CHARACTERS, MORE DEVELOPMENT! I mentioned this in another recent ask about relationships but like, they just kept shoving characters in there. Like one of those clown cars. So we got like, 30% character development on the core group and then the rest was like “wait, who are you again?” Like, legit, I have a bad memory, you put too many people in front of me, I ain’t gonna remember them unless they have a good personality or a reason to be there. And like, develop their relationships! Not even romantically, but like, Scott’s mom loves Scott, that is sweet and lovely, but like, we never really… see… that… developed? Idk man, like again, I have a bad memory, but when you really develop relationships WELL (ex: Brooklyn-nine-nine), that shit sticks with you and you CARE about people. The friendships are important, and the familial relationships are important and just developing all the dynamics is important! They spent more time showcasing how much everyone hated each other and lied to each other and stuff and that just got really tiring. Yes, you’re allowed to get mad at your friends, but if you’re a Werewolf, and your human friend is calling you when there is a fucking monster running around killing people, can you maybe stop making out with your girlfriend and answer your phone so your friend isn’t treading water with a 200+ pound Werewolf for 2 hours? Like, JUST SAYING! (Spoiler alert: Me and Scott would not be close friends. Like, I think we’d be friends, but not so much that I’d trust him with my life. If I wanted to grab pizza and a movie, maybe play some video games, he sounds like a treat, but if my life was in danger, thanks I be callin’ someone who answers their phone).

3) Actual consequences for their actions! Okay like, I am also guilty of this in fanfic, but at the same time, my writing is free, I don’t get paid for it, and I write what I want because that’s how it works, so I can do whatever I please (If I wanna make the Hales royalty for the millionth time, ain’t nobody gonna stop me!). But like, when you are a legit paid screenwriter who is writing a show? Consequences! Just because it’s a show about Werewolves doesn’t mean there can’t be any consequences! Like, the best scene, and I feel like we can agree, because fuck it like, hurt my soul and my heart and I was just so like ;~; was when the sheriff got fired (fired? suspended? TEMPORARILY UNEMPLOYED!) because Stiles stole a police van when they locked Jackson up in it. Like, that shit was REAL LIFE CONSEQUENCES for actions, and that shit was intense and it HURT and omg I loved it! Give me more of that! Like, I’m sorry, but you gonna tell me Nogistune!Stiles walked through the hospital murdering a bazillion people and not one camera was working the whole time? Not one? Nobody saw that? Nobody went “hey, isn’t that the sheriff’s kid?” Like, CAN. YOU. IMAGINE?! That would’ve been so amazing, a bunch of episodes of the pack scrambling to keep the Supernatural a secret while also trying to stop Stiles from GETTING ARRESTED because saying “Sorry ma’am, I was possessed by a demon fox who likes chaos and thought murdering a bunch of people would be fun” ain’t gonna fly in court and the FBI sure isn’t gonna believe that but like, UGH! Again, bad memory, but was the fact that Dark!Stiles wandered through the hospital killing people EVER brought up again???? CONSEQUENCES. Woulda really liked that.

4) STOP with unnecessary romances. Like, yeah, I get it, the allos like their romances, but shockingly, you can still have a good show without focussing on the romance. Like, it can be there, I’m not saying don’t put it in, I’m saying DON’T MAKE IT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! Like, the entirety of season one was Scott chasing Allison and Stiles chasing Lydia. This… this does not make an interesting show? Like, is that just me? And then as the season progressed, EVERYONE had to be in a relationship? WHY? Again, haven’t seen past season four, but I mean, I know Scott and Kira were a thing, and then Stiles and Malia, and Liam and some… person? Idk. And Ethan and Danny (congrats Jeff, you get to tick your “I had representation in my show!” box, well done, gold star, or whatever). And Isaac and Allison, and Melissa and Chris (apparently?). And then Stydia was alluded as being canon, and Scott ended up with Malia somehow?? And Derek slept with half the town and all of Mexico, idek. Like, stop it. Stop. Shows work without everything being about everyone banging each other. (See again: Brooklyn-nine-nine, or Avatar the Last Airbender, or The Good Place, or even fucking Supernatural!) You can have a good, interesting story without everyone banging each other. It ain’t necessary.

5) More actual storytelling (again, this woulda worked better without the unnecessary romances taking up 49 of the 50 minutes of air-time). Like, yes, I get it, pilot’s gotta have some pizzaz! Gotta be spicy and sparkly to make people interested (and like, fucking hell, all I can remember of the pilot is sobbing Allison soaking wet–LIKE, WAS THAT NECESSARY???–about the dog she hit and oh noes is it dead well thank God the lead character works for a vet! And somehow has keys and access to the whole clinic like nbd at all hours? Whatever. I wasn’t even allowed inside my blockbuster as a shift lead if it was off-hours but apparently a high school student doing paperwork at a vet clinic is different, I’m not a vet so what do I know? I HAD A BAD DAY OKAY, I GOT FEELINGS ABOUT THIS RN!) I went off-topic, what was I saying? Oh yes, storytelling. You know what woulda been nice? Werewolves! It happens, we find out about Laura, we find out about Werewolves, Scott gets bitten, all that jazz. And then like… ease in the Hunters? Like, why was there Laura/Derek, Peter, AND the Hunters all crammed into the pilot? Yes, I get it, you need the SUSPENSE and the DRAMA, but you can do that without the Hunters right off the bat. Just, how CONVENIENT~ that the same day Derek and Laura come back, Hunters move to town? That’s just lazy, and again, I can be guilty of laziness, I admit to it, but I literally get paid in—like, do hearts count? I get paid in hearts and pats on the back for my fics, I can write whatever I want. If you’re getting paid to write something, try a bit harder, yes? Yes???

What number am I on? Oh good Lord, I got things to say, okay.

6) MAGIC! Can you like—I feel like this one is self-explanatory. Stiles did the whole mountain ash thing in season one, and it was SO PROMISING, and then that just died. It died like Maes Hughes getting shot in a phonebooth (spoiler, but really, you haven’t seen that yet, that’s a you problem). Why even bother introducing magic if you weren’t gonna use it? Like, was it because people like Stiles more than Scott and the showrunner was like “nonono. If we make him magic, he’s TOO cool, and then Scott is unimportant.” I mean, you coulda worked that in your favour, but no. You just murdered the fuck out of it, like straight up took it out back and shot it. Like, yeah, Derek went kiddo again and Jennifer was apparently all magic beauty spell or whatever, but like?? That’s it??? You had a show about Werewolves and you didn’t even try to make it more interesting by making some of the characters magic? Lydia’s basically the closest and they didn’t even explain her powers that well. Magic would’ve been dope and they totally shoved that to the side. That was dumb. Shoulda done something with that.

7) Explain things more? Don’t mention them once and then do nothing? Like, we got some brief stuff about anchors, and emissaries (which are super duper secret according to Deaton but then like, EVERYONE KNOWS HE IS EMISSARY SO WHICH IS IT DEATON? YOU TELL ME!) Like, they had so much opportunity to talk about so many things and again, maybe that comes out more in the later seasons, idk, but they likely coulda done with more explanations and they didn’t and this angers me GREATLY. They mention something once and then it never comes up again. That’s some Lost bullshit right there. Don’t start something if you’re not gonna commit. You tell me the beginning of the story, I wanna fucking know the end, don’t forget halfway through and wander away, that ain’t right, I NEED ANSWERS JEFF! And like, as above, never really got Lydia’s powers. I know what a Banshee is, but her powers did NOT make sense to me. Idk, could just be that I’m dumb, but similarly, don’t write something so convoluted that it confuses people, that is also dumb. As dumb as I am so like, well done there. And also do we get more on Parrish? I know he’s a Hellhound, but how does one get born a Hellhound and not know until you are conveniently lit on fire by someone trying to kill you for money? (Also, you bean, you absolute treasure, “I’m worth five dollars?” You’re so cute. Silly child.) I feel like being a Hellhound is something that woulda come up before getting barbecued in his cruiser. Like, he works a stressful job, you gonna tell me not ONCE while getting shot at he didn’t have a massive heart attack over a close call and like, burst into flames? No? Is that just a me thing? I feel like the slightest annoyance and I’d be fully on fire, not gonna lie. (I’d be on fire a LOT… CLEARLY I AM AN ANGRY PERSON! No, that’s not true. No yes it is, I am angry, but more angry lately because I’m sleep-deprived and work is dumb ANYWAY back to this)

8) EMBRACE THE SIDE CHARACTERS! Okay, so MAYBE Scott is meant to be the golden child. The Dick Grayson of the show, if you will. The original Robin, the creme de la creme. That’s all fine and dandy if he is, no judgement (little judgement), but you know what you don’t do when your side characters are getting a lot of attention and love? What you DO NOT do is give them less screen time. Because then you’re being petty and, shockingly, you get more positive results when you give the fans what they want. I’m not talking about pairings, because everyone is different, and you can’t cater to everyone, but like, the more people moved away from liking Scott, the harder the showrunners pushed him into our faces. And like, that isn’t how this works. If I like side character 87 a lot, and the lead’s getting annoying, you know what’s gonna make me NOT watch the show? Cutting out side character 87 (hey, for shits and gigs, let’s call him DANNY, just, not coincidentally at all) and then just shoving the lead into my face. That is what makes someone go “Well, four seasons is enough, I can happily live knowing I didn’t waste my life watching two more of them.” Like??? I’m not saying cut out Scott, because the show is ABOUT Scott, but the more everyone tried to showcase how amazing and wonderful and pure and perfect he was, the more annoying it got? Like, Scott has flaws. THEY ALL HAVE FLAWS! If you don’t admit that they all have flaws, it gets boring, and you hate the characters. I know that Scott turned into a douche later (apparently, again, haven’t seen it), but even in the early seasons by trying to make him this pure True Alpha golden angel child who spreads love and hope and trusts everyone, it just got boring. He was vanilla, and also a bad friend, because he was too “perfect” to be around someone “imperfect” like Stiles, and even like, the rest of the pack overall. He was always put on a pedestal and it made the show really… irksome? Idk, I just feel like yes, SCOTT is the Teen Wolf, but you added all these damn side characters, maybe use them a bit more? At least Stiles was interesting, and Lydia was fucking badass, and fucking hell, if you’d done right by Boyd and Erica, the actors wouldn’t have left for better shows so like, come on man, you coulda done better. We coulda had such a dope show, why you gotta crush my dreams like that Jeff? What did I ever do to you?

I know this is only eight, but this is long enough, if I go two more, this is gonna be IN.SANE. And also it’s late and I haven’t finished my fic for the day (I mean, I’m almost done, but I’m not done yet!) So like, I’ma stop here. But yes, hopefully this answered your question. Sorry I got REALLY PASSIONATE about it but it’s been a day.

Also, I feel this needs to be said, but obviously these are my own personal opinions, and as opinions, you are not obligated to agree with them. But you are also not allowed to tell me my opinion is wrong. You can disagree with it, but this is an opinion, not a law, so there is no right and wrong. Don’t @ me, my day’s been bad enough kthx!

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, BE BACK IN LIKE TWENTY(?) MINUTES!

[asterekmess]

1/7 I’m actually a fan of the idea behind Scott and Stiles’ friendship and the story Scott told. Scott and Stiles worked together well when they first started in Season 1, because they were obviously complementary. I even liked how Stiles was able to shrug off Scott’s jealousy and possessiveness and kept putting up with Scott despite Scott treating him like trash (“I just made first line! I got a date with a girl who I can’t believe wants to go out with me, and everything in my life is perfect!

2/7 Why are you trying to ruin it?!”) and ditching him for the popular crowd as soon as he could. It wasn't a perfect friendship, but it worked well enough. The problem, of course, is that through the course of the show, Stiles grew up and Scott didn't. Stiles would lock himself up and sacrifice his own life to save everyone else’s (that’s literally the theme of Teen Wolf Season 3B). Meanwhile, Scott would gladly sacrifice other people’s life to save his own and to keep his true alpha title

3/7 (Scott begging others to do his dirty work for him is literally the theme of Teen Wolf Season 6A&B.) Stiles focused on responsibility and building relationships with other people, while Scott took them for granted; it bugged me how many times Scott would treat people as friends that he could make demands of just because he said so (Stiles, Lydia, Boyd, Danny, Kira) and then abused other people’s patience (Derek, Chris, Isaac, Allison, Malia, Liam.) Scott boasted about being a true alpha and

4/7 smarted off to his enemies because he knew that his friends would have his back. Until the last, for Scott McCall, it was always someone else's fault when Scott McCall fucked up. There's nothing more annoying to me than Pissbaby Scott Getting Pissy in the club in Rave because Allison had the nerve to prioritize saving Jackson’s life over Scott’s jealous fits and temper tantrums.

5/7 There's nothing more pointless than Scott lying about Kira’s fox to control her and then playing up his shitty little chest wound that had long healed just to convince his friends not to abandon him again. Scott was so tone deaf to other people’s pain, traumas and history that it seemed like he was obsessed with minimizing what they had gone through and making it ALL about himself instead. And even that wouldn't have bothered me if they had allowed Scott’s friends to say "Quit it, Scott.

6/7 You're 18, not 8." If they had allowed Stiles to get angry with Scott without portraying it as a crime, or Derek to beat the ever living crap out of Scott for violating and dehumanizing him, or Isaac to clap back when Scott abused him in front of Melissa, or Kira and Allison to shout at Scott when he lied to them. But the production didn't. The show basically said that "Stiles is a hero and a good friend because he lets Scott use him and gaslight him to his heart’s content and doesn't leave.

7/7 The show basically said "Allison loved being yelled at and stalked around so much, she started dating Scott." The show basically said “Derek realized that Scott violated and dehumanized him for his own good, so he doesn’t have to hold it against him.” The show basically said “Isaac accepted being hit and abused by Scott because he deserved it for looking at Scott’s woman.” It didn’t have to be toxic, but it ended up being that way.

A lot of my issues come around to the writing of the show. I honestly believe that we’re a little spoiled in our fandom world. There are so many fics with so much depth. So many writers that put so much effort into making proper foils and character arcs. They wait and wait and wait, revising until they know they’ve got the fic exactly how they want it, and then they post it.

Writing a tv show doesn’t really allow for that. Sure, they write a script and it gets looked over a few times, but there’s no time to stew in it. To consider how that episode’s script and plans interact with previous episodes, to consider how it will effect future episodes and the direction they should go in. The time is crunched, there’s a couple read-throughs and then you get those actors in front of the camera and go. I get it. I hate it, but i get it. My frustration came in my expectations of the forethought that I believe would’ve gone into the show before it ever came out. BEFORE it gets a pilot or green-lit, or whatever the terminology for that is (I’m a stage actor, not a tv actor), it was my assumption, that there would be so much thought out. If I’m working on a series of fics, I have at least a basic plotline for every volume. If I’m writing a 100k fic, I make an outline and I decide on the general plot and then? Then I decide what the character development/arcs will be. Taking a writing class, you get told constantly to think about how the characters should change from beginning to end. You get told to consider turning points in the story. You need to have a concrete understanding of each character’s personality, backstory, behavior, and have a PLAN for what to do with each other them and how you intend for them to grow (be it good or bad)

So when I went to watch this show the first time, I was totally caught up in YEs werewolves! Yes full moons! Yes, fangs and claws and superstrength! YEs even the human gets to do fun stuff! But that excitement quickly faded, because the foundation I thought I was seeing, wasn’t actually there. I saw Scott attacking people and yelling at his friend for trying to help. I saw Derek threatening people and clawing Jackson. I saw Jackson and Lydia being stuck-up and that stereotypical ‘popular’ kind of pompous and cruel. I saw Stiles being vicious and impulsive. Allison showed up as this...perfect person? I saw it and I thought that was the point. That they would all learn and grown and depend on each other and that this show about werewolves that spent so much of Season 1 talking about ‘pack’ would turn these people into a pack. That they would call each other out for their various issues and everyone would grow. That Allison would seem like this beacon of goodness, until she revealed a deep character flaw that she would have to work on like everyone else. And then we got to the second season, and it all just went sideways. Derek just got meaner and Erica and Isaac both joined while being just as mean. Boyd seemed like a decent dude, that voice of reason. And then he was barely there. Stiles kept hitting on Lydia and wouldn’t stop. Scott was awful to Allison. It all got worse and they were suddenly split into Sides. Derek and the other Hales that popped up were never actually a part of Scott’s pack/group. They were always on the outside, even after Derek just sort of...gave in and said Scott was in charge now? It was frustrating and confusing, watching bits of their personalities flip-flop all over the place to suit a plot that felt like it was just trying to cater to the audience, without having any actual backbone of plot. If you write something JUST for other people, it’ll never have integrity. The growth of these characters was constantly either completely skipped (characters going from bad to good in an instant), cut off at its ankles (killed off or sent away), nonsensical (Derek had to lose all his powers to become a full-shift wolf, and that somehow had an effect on his personality??), or it never happened (Scott. And, to some extent? Stiles.)

I find that I have the most fun in this fandom when I take canon and use it as a sort of malleable clay to play with and make my own worlds out of. I get to keep my favorite characters around (Boyd, Erica, and Isaac, and even Jackson sometimes), get rid of characters I don’t like (Ethan and Aiden, usually Jennifer and Gerard, and sometimes Scott), and toss what I’ve got into an au or a canon-divergence and see what they do. I mean, that’s basically what all fandom is, but for this one, it’s a bit like SPN. I refuse to acknowledge anything that happened in SPN after like...season 6 or something. I haven’t even seen past s8 (just like in TW i haven’t seen past S4) and it doesn’t matter. i mold the tv show to make whatever I want.

Canon gave me some good ideas, but I don’t like to stick to it too strictly in my own creative works.

I’m sorry that canon let you down, but fanfic will always be here for you.

[crqstalite]

oc interview!

tagged by @spaceprincealenko​ ! tagging,,, anyone who sees this because i’ve already tagged enough people today lol.

Alexandra June “A.J” Shepard

Role: First Human Spectre

BASICS

Full Name: Alexandra June Shepard

Nickname(s): Lexi (by Miranda or Kaidan only), June (see previous), AJ

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Occupation and Titles: First Human Spectre, Lieutenant Commander of the SSV Normandy, N7 Sentinel.

Birthday & Age: April 11th, 2154, currently 32.

Physical description: AJ stands at around 5′6″ (167.64 cm), with a mostly lithe build. Dark, nearly black eyes, and pixie cut naturally brown hair, though she dyes it red because it distances her from her past a bit. Deep scar on her neck from Akuze, and two lighter ones across her nose and jaw. Has about twenty million (more accurately, nine she keeps open) piercings from over the years, though more often than not, keeps the three up her left ear and two up her right with earrings in whenever she’s on shore leave.

Clothing style: AJ doesn’t usually intend it, but she goes for a far less ‘standing out’ sort of look than one would expect. Hiding in hoodies is usually her go to look, even though her dark makeup and bright red hair makes her rather difficult to lose in a crowd. Something like this.

BACKGROUND

AJ is a spacer kid, through and through. Mostly having grown up on various stations, home had always been among the stars (and Arcturus). She definitely doesn’t know much else, and for a time, that was okay. Having never known her father, it was just her and Hannah for the longest time. Her biotics then developed in her early teen years, and things shifted. Considering just how new they were around the time her aptitude was discovered, there were a lot of unknowns -- and to a point, that fascinated and terrified her. AJ just nearly skirted ending up at Jump Zero, which until she found out exactly what’d happened there, she was convinced her mother had effectively stunted whatever developing powers she had. Hannah had never wanted an implant for her daughter, even if she was lucky enough to still be alive after eezo exposure, she didn’t want to lose her to whatever side effects could come of it. Not to mention, AJ was just a frustrated person and frustrating person to be around. Loud, a bit of a perfectionist and not the best socially were a recipe for disaster. Funnily enough, small spaces weren’t good for a developing biotic, and a hyperactive kid with too much energy to burn. Regulating her emotions was a long and very difficult task stemming from her childhood, something Hannah just didn’t have the time or emotional capacity for. Every teacher of her’s always had something to say about the disruptive and frankly, entirely absent Shepard kid, and to no one’s surprise, it took a toll on AJ, who couldn’t really figure out why she was the way she was. No one was really able to help her either.

So of course, she doubled down on it. While she masked some things, she amplified others. AJ became a bit of a social butterfly, but only because she was rather intuitive to how others acted, and copied it near perfectly. Showing up to classes was rarely something she wanted to do, and was more than happy to sit and stare into space, or play with what limited biotic abilities she had. Which only lead to more of a rift between mother and daughter, the former who couldn’t figure out why her all around intelligent daughter was so determined not to use that intelligence for good, and the latter who couldn’t figure out what people wanted from her. They never verbally fought (well, not really. AJ can count on two hands how many times it was more a stern talking to -- and very one sided), but it was clear enough to AJ that she’d never quite be enough for Captain Shepard.

By the time AJ met Anderson around the age of seventeen, she was just near about to careen off the radar entirely. Hannah couldn’t figure her out no matter what she did, and AJ no longer really cared for what she thought. AJ had never gotten to be violent, but she was someone that her peers more respected than actually liked. One of the only students to still hold a passing grade (mostly off of exams) without having ever really shown aptitude for anything. A chance meeting during one weekend that really did turn her life around a bit, even if she was a bit put off by how kind Anderson was to her. The Alliance gave her a purpose at the very least. Her skills were put to use, and by nineteen, she’d followed in some of the footsteps that Hannah left. One of her first real deployments was to the eventual squad that followed up on leads to Akuze. One man, Walter Castillo, had taken a liking to her and took the young biotic under his wing. He was also the one that had made her begin using the name June instead of her first name, Alexandra, so that she could put some distance between herself and the girl that’d been such a thorn in everyone’s side. Staff Commander Castillo was one of her only acquaintances during that time, and like Anderson, a father figure to her.

Akuze was, evidently, the first time she’d ever failed. The entire mission plagues her like no other. She still deals with the lasting scars it left on her, and has never been able to really talk about the massacre with anyone, especially after Castillo was one of the last people for her to hear and she spent a very, very long four hours waiting for extraction, in the dark, and in tears.

After that, Shepard became a bit of a recluse. She was seen as too much of an omen to most to ever build lasting relationships with, and she didn’t mind it. She had seen herself as a disappointment to her mother for years on end and a failure to her squad on Akuze -- she wasn’t ready to add another crew to the list. She rose through the ranks rather quietly until Anderson picked her back up for a tour on the Normandy.

AJ was a name she chose for herself, in the end. Not Alexandra, who’d only be imperfect in the eyes of the people who cared about her, and not June, who’d failed the people who needed her. AJ Shepard was a blank slate, who was still tainted with the failures of the past, but was growing beyond it.

COMBAT & SKILLS

Preferred fighting style: AJ is a sentinel, which by every definition, doesn’t really make her a frontline soldier. Yet, you’ll find her leading the charge anyway. She’s trained in just about every weapon, but is more than happy to carry just a pistol into combat and relies heavily on her biotics. Mostly employing medium strength armor, and consistently will put her own wellbeing in danger for others. Some call her reckless. She is, but isn’t about to let someone die if she has anything to say about it. Not again.

Unlike her fellow sentinel, Kaidan, she’s far less about control. Not to say she isn’t capable, but when push comes to shove, she is not above cheap shots or letting loose.

Favorite weapon(s): Her pistol of choice is the N7 Eagle.

Special skills: An N7 Sentinel with extensive biotic training post-enlistment, and while fine-tuning is something she still needs to work on, her biotics are her favorite. She’s rather proud of how far she’s come. While sitting still to learn proper tech, she is definitely the creative type. Unconventional strategies are her forte, and and overload combo is the single best thing.

RELATIONSHIPS

Family: Hannah Shepard (mother), Miranda Lawson (wife).

Love interest: In her ‘canon’ of sorts, Miranda Lawson, who she’s happily married to after the Reaper War. In an AU, Kaidan Alenko.

Best friends: Has friends out of Jack (much to Miranda’s chagrin), Liara, Jacob, Kaidan, and James.

PERSONALITY

AJ is nothing if not a little bit spiky all around. She is blunt, and will never lie to your face even if it hurts. She is not one for empty compliments, at all. They piss her off, and she knows when someone’s lying to her face, even if it’s just to make her smile. Because of that, it takes a bit for someone to become even acquaintances with her, and she doesn’t like to get to know her crew that much, even if pressed. It mostly stems from her fear that as soon as she becomes as close to them as she did Walter, she’ll lose them. After they lost Ashley, it only became that much clearer. She left the investigation into Saren knowing more about her crew than they knew about her, and that was fine. That wasn’t ideal, but she didn’t know much better.

The crew of the Normandy SR-2 that followed her into the maw on the suicide mission were the first people who ever saw much of her personality, someone who was going through an identity crisis but also someone who didn’t really have anyone left she cared about, and was convinced she was defective. Her own floundering attempts to cultivate real relationships and friendships months away from possibly dying after already having been brought back weren’t futile, at least. Her past made her cynical, but given the time, it made her care for the people who weren’t out to get her that much more. While it may not have always been clear because of how quiet she was (and how many roundabout ways she had to show that she cared), by the time they arrived back to Earth, there wasn’t much question that she wouldn’t lay her life on the line for these people. Seen as a bit fatalistic at times, she only does it because, well, she can’t stand the idea of losing someone else. Suffocating almost. Still, it makes her a good friend though. 

Her love language is words of affirmation -- people confirming that she hasn’t done anything wrong, or that they still do love and care for her is all she ever wanted when she was younger.

The red, short hair and piercings were more of acts of rebellion, if anything, that followed her into adulthood. She gave it up during her service with the Alliance to revert back to brown, though went right back to it during her stint with Cerberus. Checks out and tracks that when she came back to the Alliance three years later, Kaidan didn’t recognize her at first.

[capaldifiction]

Massive Success - Lewis Capaldi x Reader

Paring: Lewis Capaldi x Reader

Word Count: 2,863

Description:  Lewis and Y/N have been friends since they were teens, and she’s been hiding how she’s felt nearly as long. Several years, two record labels, and a worldwide tour later she’s struggling getting used to the new lifestyle they both live, and keeping her feelings for him under control. And god does she hate those live interviews. Lewis x Celebrity Reader

Warnings: Some swearing and mild slight spiciness at the end.

Italics are dreams or inner thoughts.

Y/N stares back into her reflection in the mirror in her dressing room before closing her eyes and slowly counting down in her mind. She still wasn’t used to this whole live television interview thing. Concerts sure, she’d been performing since she was a teenager, with a guitar or mic stand in her hands, the rest faded away. It might have also helped that as the crowds got bigger, her ability to see individual faces had grown harder.

But these live interviews with the endless row of seemingly too bright set lights, the live audience she could see each and every expression of, sitting in a chair with several cameras trained on her to remind her that if she slipped up the entire world would know in seconds were not comforting thoughts.

Performing a quick song with a wave to the camera and audience was the easy part, when she had her guitar stripped from her and ended up in the seat was when it always got dicey. She’d only done a few since her career had taken off, but she’d somehow managed to avoid the major disaster her mind was telling her would happen.

“Nervous?” a voice asks from directly behind her, causing her to almost fall back into the man behind her as her eyes fly open. Lewis presses his hands to her back to hold her up, a mischievous smile on his face as she looked at him through the mirror.

“Couldn’t help yourself could you?” she scowls and bites her lip. “Of course I am. You know I’m not good at this shit.”

A sympathetic smile replaces the previous one as he pats her back, “It’s fine, I get nervous too. But you’ve got this. Plus this time we’ve got each other right?”

She slowly exhales and relaxes her shoulders as she turns to look at him with her own smile, “That’s true, when I inevitably freeze or say something stupid, you can pull them right back in with that charm hm?”

“Exactly,” he grins, “That’s what friends are for.”

“That they are,” she agrees with a laugh and looks back to the mirror to check her hair, trying to ignore the butterflies still in her stomach from his touch.

“I’ll be back in five to grab ya,” he calls out as he walks away.

She’d met Lewis when they were around 16, both gigging where they could and chasing their musical dreams. They’d become fast friends, and in the years that followed she found herself developing more than just a little crush on him. Pushing those feelings aside, she was happy to be by his side as a friend and confidant through career and relationship troubles.

When his career started to take off, she’d been ecstatic for him. She’d been going to nearly every gig of his for years and knew his talent, but to see everyone else starting to see it had been amazing. It had gotten hard when he really started traveling, being gone months on end. She kept to her own gigging and a part time job, but not having him around was harder to get used to than she would admit.

She’d almost let those other feelings go. Just enjoying the time she did have with him between his traveling, and their occasional FaceTime calls and daily texts. She’d grown comfortable with it at least.

Then began the wild two years when she’d been picked up by an agent, released her first few songs and EP, signed with a record label,  and Lewis had asked her to be the opening act for his big headlining tour.

Going back to spending nearly every day together, doing what they love while also traveling the world had been more than amazing. Unfortunately with more time together, came the resurgence of those feelings, hitting her suddenly like a tidal wave.

Every morning, afternoon, and evening were spent together, even in their down time they tended to hang out in the same room until it was time for bed. During that time she wrote and released mid-tour what had become her hit song.

All she’d been hoping for was to unleash some of the pent up feelings and energy, but somehow that had turned into a song she heard on the radio, various radio and tv interviews, a wave of popularity, and many questions from Lewis.

It had started out with just teasing questions, but the more he pushed her on who the song was about, or to at least talk it out with him, the more on edge she got. She felt guilty hiding the truth, and felt even more guilty that her best friend felt she couldn’t trust him enough to tell him. But she couldn’t.

After a few hour tour bus ride of him gently prodding her for information, she’d snapped at him that it was none of his business, and since then they’d abandoned the topic. The days following were tense, but they’d worked their way back to normal after some time. In that time is when they’d written their newest song together that they finally agreed was the one they’d record together.

Fast forward to eight months later, there she stood in her dressing room at The Late Late Show waiting for her performance and interview with Lewis to promote the song.

“You ready?” Lewis calls, ducking his head back into her dressing room.

“It’s been five minutes already?” she asks with a tense chuckle.

“Come on, we’ll be fine Y/N,” he encourages, giving her a side hug as she reaches the door. “Business as usual.”

-

“God I hate those lights.” Y/N forces a smile as she half listens to the question James Corden has asked Lewis. Their performance had gone great, and nothing particularly bad had happened in the interview thus far, but she was finding it hard to concentrate.

Lewis’ voice sounds almost muffled as her gaze goes from the lights to the many cameras and many people in the audience. “When will I ever get used to this?”

“So Y/N,” James says, pulling her back into the moment. “Your hit song ‘All You Never Say’ came out nearly a year ago today, did you expect it to have the success it did?”

“Never, honestly this is still surreal.” She nods her head toward Lewis, “We’ve talked about it and the whole thing still seems crazy, we were still just gigging in bars together a few years ago, now here we are.”

“Now I think we have a question on everyone’s minds, did the person the song is about realize it’s about them and have you both fallen madly in love?” Corden teases with a mischievous grin.

Y/N forces an uncomfortable laugh and adjusts in her seat, “No, I don’t think he knows it’s about him quite yet.”

“Does that mean you’ve fallen madly in love but he doesn’t know about the song or no to them both?” James chuckles.

“Yes Y/N,” Lewis says turning toward her with a teasing grin, holding an imaginary microphone up to her, “How does HE feel about YOU?”

“Well I don’t know that answer seeing as he’s you,” Y/N snaps back immediately, her cheeks red at his question.

And within seconds she’s realized what she’s said. James’ mouth hangs open, Lewis’ eyes wide with shock, and nearly every face in the audience mirroring a similar look to that of the two of them.

Y/N loudly clears her throat, “So uh, yeah how about ‘Lost,’ let’s talk about that.”

“Of course,” James says recovering quickly. “You two wrote the song together?”

“Y-yeah, we did,” Lewis mumbles, stealing a glance at Y/N beside him as he tries to focus on the question. “We’ve written together for years. One of the songs on her EP we actually wrote together. And we’ve definitely sang together before, we just never found the right song to actually record together until this one.”

The rest of the interview continues on as normally as it could after her outburst, but Y/N finds herself sinking further and further into her seat as it goes on. She lets Lewis answer most of the questions, but feels ashamed to look at him.

When finally the producer ends the segment, she’s up and out of her chair and sprinting to the back as she hears Lewis shout her name. Making a beeline for her dressing room, she makes it to the door hastily unlocking it and slips in. However, as she shuts it behind her it bounces back in her hands as she looks down to see a black and white Van stopping it from closing.

“Did you mean that? What you said?” Lewis demands as he peaks through the opening at Y/N. His face is bright red, and he’s obviously just as out of breath as she from her mad dash.

“I- I mean, I wasn’t going to…” she stumbles, having a hard time looking at him. “Yes,” she finally admits as she focus on his shoe stuck in the doorway.

“Please let me in,” he says softly as he leans into the door.

Backing away from the door and retreating to one of the chairs in the room, she just continues to stare at the floor. The sounds of him entering and closing the door behind him, then sitting on the stool beside her are the only sounds in the room.

“Almost gave me a heart attack, bolting away like that,” he finally comments. “When did you have fucking time to become an Olympic sprinter?”

A small chuckle leaves her as she glances up at his red face, and watches him run his fingers through his hair, “Running from my problems gave me enough practice.”

“Fair,” he responds with a smirk and rubs his palms on his jeans, as his own gaze drifts away from her.

“I understand if you’re mad,” she says after a few moments. “And I can understand if you want some time away from me after this, but you’re really important to me. I don’t want to lose our friendship, that’s why I’ve never said anything. I want to still be friends if you can… forget this or move past it.”

Lewis’ brow raises at her words and fidgeting in his seat, “I- that’s not what I want.”

His words sting, but it’s not like she didn’t expect them. Training her gaze back on the floor she sighs, “I understand. And I’m sorry. I know we have to finish up the hype for this song, but I’ll distance myself after that.”

“What the fuck, no!” He yells immediately, “That’s not what I meant at all, I, well I feel the same way.”

“You’re kidding me,” she states, her mouth agape as she searches his eyes for the joke. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am,” he says simply as he kicks at the floor. “When we were teenagers you never seemed interested in me in that way, then I was gone all the time for my career so we were never together. Then we were suddenly touring together, writing together, and I… I’d gotten close to bringing it up. Then you released ‘All You Never Say’.”

“Why did that stop you?”

He rolls his eyes at her question, “You released a song about how you’re madly in love with someone that you can’t tell them that you love them because it wouldn’t work out, they wouldn’t feel the same. All the while things between us staying exactly the same, and when I tried to press you for details on this guy, you completely shut down on me. Was I supposed to just say ‘well I understand that you love someone else, but have I got news for you’?”

“When you put it that way,” she nods with a sigh. “Never thought there was even a chance you felt the same way. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by adding feelings you didn’t reciprocate. I wrote it when we started touring together, because all the feelings I’d had for you came back full force, and I had to write something to let it out. I didn’t think there was a chance it’d take off like that or that you’d see it that way.”

After a few moments of silence between the two, Lewis finally chuckles.

“What?”

“Here I’ve been sitting all salty that you’re singing about some guy that won’t love you back, hating whoever he is for making you feel that way and making it impossible for me to ever say anything. And this whole time, it’s fuckin been me,” he says with a grin, shaking his head. “Fuckin unreal.”

“Ironic,” she agrees with her own laugh, feeling lighter than she’s felt in years. Getting up from her chair, she walks over to stand in front of him.

He looks at her quizzically as she hesitantly gets closer, moving until she’s standing between his legs, nearly flush to the stool he’s sitting on, “There’s… nothing stopping us now right?”

“Good point,” he nearly whispers back, his breath tickling her face at the close proximity. “Are you going to do something about it?”

“Do you want me to?” she teases, leaning in ever closer, his face immediately tilting toward hers.

“Do it,” he urges, his hands going to her hips.

Her hands rest on the stool on either side of him as she presses her lips softly his, almost immediately pulling back with a grin.

He grunts in frustration as he pulls her as close as he can.

Leaning in she presses her lips to his once again feather light as his eyes drift shut. Instead of deepening the kiss, she opts to gently bite his bottom lip, holding it between her teeth and his eyes slowly drift back open.

This time a groan leaves him as she releases his lip, “You’re gonna kill me like this Y/N, I’ve wanted this for years.”

“I have too,” she whispers leaning in toward his ear, blowing on it gently as he shudders against her. “Don’t want to rush it though do we?”

“We do,” he mumbles as she chuckles in his ear.

Running her hands up his thighs, she leans back to look at his face once again, his eyes hooded as he watches her every move.

“Maybe that’s enough for now?” she teases, pretending to pull away.

Within seconds his lips are pressed to hers, a surprised gasp leaving her as she leans into him. His lips hungry and urgent against hers.

Her hands reach up to clutch the fabric of his shirt as she gives him control and his hands roam up her back.

His lips leave hers as she looks at him almost in a daze, a lazy smile on his face before he turns his attention to placing kisses up her exposed neck.

“Lewis,” she groans, leaning her head back for him.

Just as his hand goes to slip under her shirt, the door to the dressing room swings open, causing the two to attempt to jump apart. However, failing in that as they both crash to the floor falling off the stool in a tangled mess.

“Oh!” James exclaims backing up from the door before laughing. “I was just coming to check that everything was alright with the two of you, but it appears it’s more than ok.”

Y/N can feel her face flushing red as her and Lewis untangle themselves, “Y-yeah we’re good.”

“Are you sure neither of you need medical attention? That was quite the collapse to the floor,” he teases.

“Nope, we’re fine,” Lewis insists, climbing to his feet and offering a hand to pull Y/N up as well. “And nothing happened right?” he asks hopefully.

“You mean I can’t be the one to announce the new celebrity couple that became a couple on my show?” James continues to tease as Lewis’ face reaches a similar shade of red as Y/N.

“I- well,” he stumbles trying to figure out how to answer before settling just adjusting his shirt.

“I’m just teasing you two,” he finally says. “I’m glad this ended far better than what I was expecting to find back here. I’ll leave you two lovebirds be.” He slips out of the room quickly, pulling the door shut behind him.

As the door shuts, both Lewis and Y/N exhale in relief, immediately glancing toward one another at the sound, and a fit of laughter taking over both of them.

“It only took us about eight years, two record label deals, a worldwide tour, several songs written together, and a fuck up on live television for us to admit we’ve liked each other since we were 16. I’d call that a massive success,” Lewis grins as he pulls her in close to him again.

“Oh is that all?” she says shaking her head, “Couldn’t have gone smoother.”

“So… food?” he suggests, draping his arm across her shoulders. “There’s no use hiding it when you told the world already.”

“Good point,” she muses leaning into his side. “Pizza?”

“You read my mind.”

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Song mentioned as being theirs are ‘All You Never Say’ by Birdy, and ‘lost’ by Loote. Chose those since the vibe of the lyrics fit the type of song I was looking for with this :)

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