#as a librarian i feel super bad for not reading as much

[lacebird]

Books read in 2025

Last updated: March 23 Books read in total: 5

I don't read nearly enough so I thought I'd make a running list for all the books I read every month in 2025. Maybe I'll read more because of this, who knows! And maybe you'll get a recommendation from this list too! Wee!

A purple heart (💜) denotes a re-read. A title with a strike means that I didn't finish it that month (and probably am still reading it). Otherwise, these are all books that are new to me.

Remember to support your local library by getting a library card!

January

Yes I've had a hyperfixation on cults lately lmao

Rachel Jeffs - Breaking Free (2017)

Emma Cline - The Girls (2016) 💜

Emma Cline - Daddy (2021)

February

Did not have time/energy to read this month. Breaking Free got suddenly removed from my library so didn't get to finish it 🤡

March

After handing in my thesis, I started reading a bit more. It's slow, but I'm getting slowly back into reading. These books will most likely be read in April too, we'll see.

Hope Jahren - The Story of More (2020)

Emma Cline - The Guest (2023)

April

[agaypanic]

Enemies to lovers with Chase: he’s obviously a bionic genius but after being enrolled in school he develops a rivalry with the smartest girl in school and he’s constantly competing with her until they get partnered for a project and realize how much they actually like each other.

Swear Not By The Moon (Chase Davenport X Reader)

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Summary: Being a man with bionic super smarts, Chase excelled at everything and was always ahead of everyone. When he first started going to Mission Creek High, he unknowingly became rivals with you, the smartest girl in school. When you have to work together on a project, you realize that Chase Davenport might not be so bad.

A/N: the davenport siblings each have their own room bc (can’t remember if its canon but i dont think it is) i feel like after starting school, they’d get real rooms in case they had friends over and whatever. title inspired by romeo and juliet dialogue teehee. idk if this is giving good academic rivals but i tried lmao

***

It was completely unintentional, Chase constantly competing with you at school. He had bionic super smarts, so it was inevitable that he would climb to the top of the food chain. Academically speaking, of course. 

But before him, you dominated everyone else around you. You had for years. So when Chase Davenport waltzed in and suddenly became the best academic student at Mission Creek High, you felt an intense need to put him in his place.

Because of your high placements, you shared all of your classes together. One AP or Honors class after another, you had to see that stupid grin on his stupid face as he got a question right or corrected a teacher’s mistake. Not that he saw, because he was too busy putting his nose in books, reading chapters ahead of where the class was in the curriculum.

You figured the only way to beat him was to study your ass off. You already devoted a lot of your time to your studies, but that felt like child’s play compared to now. You had your lunch in the library, sneakily taking bites of food so the librarian would see you eating. As soon as you got home, you’d study for at least an hour. Sometimes, you’d even do some reading in the morning before you had to leave the house for school.

Chase finally seemed to notice you when one of your teachers posted the results of your latest tests. He was bewildered to see that someone had scored one point more than him. He looked around the class to try and figure out who it was, and when he saw you smirking at your grade, he knew it was you.

The silent competition between the two of you didn’t stop. Now that Chase was aware that you were rivaling him, he doubled his efforts, no matter how much teasing he got from his siblings. 

Then, one day, the rivalry wasn’t so silent.

“Davenport.” You greeted him with a single word, not even looking at him. 

“L/n.”

The two of you stood next to each other, looking at the grades you and your classmates got on a recent midterm. You lifted a finger, letting it scan over the names until you got to Chase’s.

“One hundred percent! Very good.” You mused, and you could see him smirking out of the corner of your eye.

“It was nothing.” He said with a shrug.

“Now… what did I get?” You asked yourself quietly, moving your finger until you got to your name. You both gasped, you with feigned surprise and him with disbelief. “One hundred and one percent! Wow.”

“How did you…” You finally turned to look at Chase, smiling innocently at him. His mouth hung open slightly, and you couldn’t help but lift his chin to close it.

“Mrs. Roberts told us there’d be a chance for extra credit. I guess you should’ve been more thorough.” The pleasure you felt from seeing Chase’s reaction made the grueling hours of studying immensely worth it. “Better luck next time.”

You walked away, a bit of a pep in your step now. Chase stared at you until you were out of sight, and then he sneered.

“Oh, it is on.”

***

For the rest of the year, you and Chase battled to be at the top of your classes. Extracurriculars just made the fight more intense. You’d win first place at the local science fair, he’d win first place at a debate championship. When one of you placed first, the other grumbled with their second-place trophy and swore they would win gold the next time.

You were actually excited for the end of the school year. The little rivalry you had formed with Chase Davenport was starting to wear you out, although you’d never say that out loud. Especially to him. 

But before the school year could end, you had one more project for your history class. This time, you would be paired off with a classmate, and you’d have to work together to create a presentation on a specific era, highlighting important figures and events of the time.

“Please be someone good.” You muttered to yourself as your teacher read out the list of partners. Eventually, she got to you.

“Y/n L/n and Chase Davenport.”

You froze in your spot, not paying attention as she continued listing people before going into more detail on your project requirements. Your eyes darted to Chase, who was already looking at you. You couldn’t help but sneer at him. The one person you had a strong distaste for, an academic enemy, was now your partner on a month-long project that would greatly affect your final grade.

How could this go wrong?

“So…” The teacher gave you the last five minutes of class to talk to your partner. Chase stood next to your desk, looking down at you. “Do you want to go to your house or mine? For the project.”

“I don’t care.” You answered while packing your belongings into your backpack.

“How about my place then? We can go today after school.”

“Fine by me.”

***

You knew that the Davenports, their father to be more specific, were wealthy. But that information didn’t make you any less stunned when you saw the mansion at the end of your slightly uncomfortable and awkward walk with Chase. And you were even more taken aback when you walked inside. Sleek designs, attractive decor, and a beautiful view out of windows that made up an entire wall.

“We can go to my room,” Chase suggested as you took in your surroundings. “I have a lot of desk space there.”

“Okay.” You replied. You figured that the very least you could do was try to be civil with Chase. After all, this was an important grade, and you’d have to work with him for a whole month.

Chase pulled a stool to his desk for you to sit on while he settled into his desk chair. You took out your notebook and a pen, flipping to a blank page. Chase did the same.

“Do you have any ideas?” You asked, tapping the tip of your pen against the paper.

It took a while, but you eventually settled on the Elizabethan era. Considered a golden age and famous for different creative ventures such as theater and literature. It would be easy to fill a presentation with quality and interesting information. The two of you brainstormed different topics to bring up, writing them down in your notebooks when your pen suddenly stopped working.

“Damn.” You muttered, scribbling in the corner to try to get the ink to reappear.

“What’s wrong?” Chase asked, looking up from his paper to see you drop your pen in your bag and look around for a replacement.

“I ran out of ink.” You sighed in frustration, unable to find another writing utensil. You pulled your bag onto your lap for a closer look. “I swear I had-”

You cut yourself off when Chase’s hand came into view. He held a pen, waiting for you to take it. After a moment of hesitation, you grabbed it, setting your backpack down on the floor.

“Thanks.” You said, looking at the pen for a brief moment before getting back to writing.

***

Wanting to get as much useful information as possible, you decided to go to the library after school the next day. You didn’t know what Chase was doing, but you hoped that he would put as much effort into this as you were. 

You headed straight for the classics section, knowing that Shakespeare was prominent during the time period you and Chase were looking into. You’ve had to read a few of his plays for different English classes, but you were eager to read them again.

Searching the bookshelves, you soon saw that Shakespeare’s plays were on the top shelf, which you could reach without a step stool. There were a few scattered around the library, but a quick glance showed that there wasn’t one in your section. You went to the next book aisle, hoping to find one.

“Y/n?” Chase’s voice startled you. He was in the next aisle, seeing you before you saw him. Although surprised by your presence, he offered you a polite smile. “What are you doing here?”

You had to tell yourself to hold back a snarky response. Although you didn’t care much for Chase inside of school, that didn’t mean you had to be a bitch to him outside of it. Besides, he was being pleasant to you. It confused you, but you decided not to ask him about it.

“Same as you, I’m thinking.” You finally say, noticing some books about English history stacked in his hands. “I’m looking for a stool to get the books I need.”

Spotting one at the end of the aisle, Chase grabbed the stool, balancing the small pile of books he had in one hand.

“Where’s your books?” He asked, waiting for you to lead the way. It stunned you a little that he didn’t just give you the stool or let you grab it yourself, but you decided not to overthink it.

Back in your section, he set the stool down where you needed it. Instead of saying goodbye and leaving, Chase stood by the bookcase, watching you stand on the footstool.

You started grabbing books, becoming more excited with each title you looked over. Now, having your own stack of books, you looked down and tried to carefully lower yourself to the ground.

“Careful,” Chase murmured, and you felt the warmth of his hand hover against your back. He didn’t touch you, but his hand stayed close until you were stable on the ground. “Don’t wanna, you know, ruin the books if you fall.”

You rolled your eyes before looking up at Chase, not realizing how close you were to him until now.

“Thanks.” You said a bit hesitantly.

“No problem.” He responded. The two of you stood in silence, not knowing how to continue. You wondered if you’d keep having moments like this with him. No glares or sour thoughts. Just a bit of silence caused by some friendly action. “Do you wanna come over tomorrow?”

“What?” You asked, not expecting the question.

“For the project.” Chase clarified. 

“Oh. Sure, I think I’m free.”

“Great.” Chase smiled at you. “See you tomorrow then.”

***

You don’t know what was happening to you. It had been two weeks since you started working on this project with Chase, and he was gradually becoming the only thing on your mind. Sure, you thought about him often before this. But those thoughts were always accompanied by feelings of annoyance when he’d get a higher grade than you or disgust when he’d give you his signature smirk of condescension. 

What you felt now was something hard to describe. It was something warm and enjoyable, but as enjoyable as it was, it made you slightly dread seeing Chase because you didn’t know what the feeling meant. 

He didn’t even have to be around you for you to feel it. The other day you remembered that you still had the pen he let you borrow the first time you worked together. Looking at the pen and thinking about the memory made you smile, which you covered with your hand as you wondered why the small object got such a reaction out of you.

Suddenly remembering where you were, you pushed thoughts of Chase and the pen and how he was starting to make you feel out of your mind. You had to focus.

You were sat on Chase’s bed, supposed to be rereading Romeo and Juliet until you got distracted by your thoughts. Chase was at his desk, skimming through a history textbook. You played with the edge of the page you were on, about to return to reading, when Chase looked over his shoulder at you.

“You know, I’m surprised you’re still reading that.” He said, leaning back in his chair, deciding to take a break from studying. “Big, old-timey words. Thought that’d be too strenuous for you to handle.”

That was another change you noticed. You still poked and teased at each other. But lately, when Chase would do it, your cheeks would grow hot from some kind of feeling that was entirely unlike the anger and annoyance you usually felt.

“Very funny.” You deadpanned, yet you couldn’t help but smile a tiny bit. “I’m surprised you even know the meaning of the word ‘strenuous.’ Considering your size, you’d think your brain would be just as tiny.”

Chase kicked at your leg, rolling his eyes as you laughed. 

“You’re hilarious.” He said, tone dripping with sarcasm. “Seriously, though, I don’t know how you’re not bored of that by now. Especially since you’ve read it before.”

“It’s considered a classic for a reason, Chase.” You said. “I mean, I obviously have problems with the story, like the age gap and the suicide without really checking if Juliet is dead. But you have to admit that some of the writing’s nice. Beautiful even.” You shifted into a more comfortable position. “I mean, listen to this. ‘O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.’” Before you could continue, Chase interrupted you.

“‘What shall I swear by?’” He recited, standing from his desk chair and moving to lay down on his side, a foot or two away from you. You looked at him with a questioning look. 

“Since when could you recite Shakespeare?”

“I dunno, just can.” He answered with a shrug. “Keep going.”

You looked at him curiously for a few more seconds before turning back to the book.

“‘Do not swear at all; or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I’ll believe thee.’”

“‘If my heart’s dear love-’”

“‘Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract to-night: It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden; Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be ere one can say ‘It lightens.’ Sweet, good night!’” You paused to catch your breath, and you felt Chase’s eyes on you. Either you were crazy, or he was slowly inching closer to you. He looked at you expectantly but patiently, and you took another deep breath before returning to the page. “‘This bud of love, by summer’s ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good night, good night! As sweet repose and rest come to thy heart as that within my breast!’”

Chase was even closer to you now, using his hands to keep himself stable as he raised from his laying position. Without meaning to, you leaned forward, closing the already shortening distance between you.

“O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?’” Chase’s voice was quiet, but the words rang in your ears. You must have imagined it, you must have, but you could’ve sworn that for a second, his eyes were on your lips instead of locking with yours.

“‘What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?’” You recited softly. But you started to have a feeling that this was becoming less of a recitation and more of something else. Some kind of confession, you secretly hoped, disguised as casual quoting of someone else’s words of romance.

“‘The exchange of thy love’s faithful vow for mine.”’

“‘I gave thee mine before thou didst request it: and yet I would it were to give again.’” As you spoke the words, you realized that they indeed rang with truth. 

Chase was now fully sitting up, and your breath hitched when you felt his hand snake around you to cup the back of your neck. You dropped the book in your lap, gaze fully fixated on his.

“‘Wouldst thou withdraw it?”’ Chase asked, using his other hand to hold your cheek, thumb sweeping over the bone. “‘For what purpose, love?’”

“I like when you call me that.” You whispered, too overwhelmed by his hands to continue reading the play.

“That’s not the line,” Chase responded, smiling before pulling your face to his and kissing you. 

It was soft at first, as if you were both scared the other would realize they didn’t want this. But when that passed, the tension from the past two weeks, honestly the past year, made you hungry for each other. It wasn’t long until you were straddling Chase’s lap, book and project long forgotten. Chase’s hands trailed down your body, squeezing your hips before pulling away just enough to speak.

“So…” He started, needing to catch his breath. “Am I the god of your idolatry?” 

You giggled, slapping his shoulder before wrapping your arms around them.

“I’m surprised you know how to pronounce ‘idolatry.’” Chase squeezed your hip once more at your teasing before kissing you again.

[hyunniesgirl]

oooh Slytherin!hyunjin gives amortentia to reader after she rejects him so many timesss and after the effect gone she found out and mad oooh angst angst idk happy ending hahahahhahahaa (sorry for my bad grammar)

So this ask got me super excited!!! I love writing fantasy so count me in, babes! Please ignore any mistakes since I stopped reading Harry Potter in the forth book and just settled for the movies lmao

Here are some spells used in the story that may be confusing for my sweeties that are not into harry potter:

¹Amortentia: it's the most powerful love potion, it can't reproduce real love and it comes with dangerous side effects like a powerful infatuation or obsession. It smells differently to each person, like the things(or people) the person who's feeling the scent likes.

²Cruciatus: a spell(curse) used to torture people.

I'm using this post to celebrate reaching 200 followers 🥳, thank you for those who like what I write and keep supporting me, I'll keep working hard to bring more nice stories for you!!

I wish you would

Pairing: Slytherin!Hyunjin x fem!reader

Genre: angst, fluff

Warnings: cursing

Word count: 5,120(I'm sorry about that not really I just got very inspired)

Hyunjin is obsessed with you, everyone with eyes and ears knows that. He runs after you like a dog runs after its tail and you always try being nice, try rejecting him in a way to not hurt him but he doesn't seem to take a hint.

Your class just ended, you collect your books and walk to the corridor, feeling his eyes on you.

"What's it?" You ask, turning around to look at him. His green and black uniform matching perfectly with his blond hair. He seems taken aback with the sudden attention, since he's used to you ignoring him.

"I just wanted to give you this", he smiles, holding a paper bag to you, "Felix made brownies and I just thought you'd like a snack, I know you're studying a lot for exams"

You smile, you love brownies but you're not sure if you should accept it. It's been a day since you rejected Hyunjin… again. He doesn't seem bothered by it anymore, he just keeps coming on strong and at this point you already know it's just a trait of his personality to not give up easily. But it would seem inconsiderate to not accept, since he brought it just for you.

"Don't think too much", he shake the bag a little, "I'm just trying to look out for you"

You sigh, accepting the gift and thanking him. It's not going to kill you to be nice this one time.

After saying goodbye you head to the library, you're going to meet Seungmin to study. Your classes are not that difficult this semester, so you're just using your extra time to study for the bigger exams.

It's already past dinner time when you finish your studies, your friend gave up a few hours back and went to the dorms while you stayed to study a bit more.

You're hungry so you look at the paper bag Hyunjin gave you and look inside. The brownies have a nice scent of mint? Maybe Felix added some to the recipe.

One it's not enough, it's so good you end up eating the whole lot. Maybe you shouldn't have, you feel sick instantly after finishing it and the librarian comes running as soon as she looks at your face.

"Are you alright, darling? You look pale", she asks and you nod, maybe the exhaustion is finally hitting you.

You grab your things and walk towards the dormitories of your house, you feel your mouth dry and an empty feeling on your chest. What's going on? You look around, there's very little people in the hall since it's almost curfew time.

When you're crossing the courtyard, you see a shadow of someone hovering over and you stop in your tracks trying to discern who it is.

You tighten the hold on your wand while they get closer, only to breathe relieved seeing it's just Hyunjin.

"It's already late, you shouldn't be wandering around by yourself", he says.

"Oh, I-", you feel your cheeks warm suddenly, do you have a fever? Your hands are sweating too. "Can you help me?" You ask him, stretching your hand for him to hold, your heart beating fast to the thought of touching him. "I'm not feeling very well"

"Yeah?" He raises an eyebrow, surprised, but still takes a step closer to you, grabbing your arm with a hand and sliding his other to your waist, giving you support by embracing you entirely.

"Thanks, I don't know what came on to me", you mumble and you're not sure if he heard, until you feel him tightening the hold he has on you.

"It's okay, it's my pleasure", he whispers close to your ear and you shiver.

It's strange for you to have this kind of reaction, especially to Hyunjin. It's not that you don't like him perse, you just don't think about dating in general. You want to focus on your studies, do well on your exams and have a good career, it's your parents dream that became your dream.

His pursuit over you got boring after the fourth time you rejected him. It was fun in the beginning, he's Hwang Hyunjin after all: handsome, smart and rich, you felt special when he didn't care about all those people that would crawl after him, but would beg for just a single glance of yours. With time it started bothering you, though. It seemed like the more you rejected him, the more interested he would get.

Why did it bother you, though? It feels nice having him holding you right now, he smells like mint, his warmth is shielding you from the cold air and you think it's okay to have him by your side just for a moment.

You can't stop thinking about him, Hyunjin is the first thing in your mind when you open your eyes in the morning and the whole breakfast you spend looking for him around the great hall, thinking about what he'd like to eat and maybe if he would like to walk with you to your classes.

"Are you alright?" Seungmin's voice takes you out of your thoughts, you realize you're just staring at your food for some time now.

"Nothing", you smile slightly, "I just… do you know where Hyunjin is?"

Seungmin frowns, tilting his head to the side while analyzing you.

"Why would I know that? But most importantly, why do you want to know that?"

You sigh, going back to play with your food.

"I just miss him", you mumble, earning a gasp from your friend.

"Did you finally lose it?" He's staring at you with narrowed eyes, disgusted.

You sigh, looking around one more time and finally seeing Hyunjin entering the hall, he's talking to a girl. Who is she? Why is she smiling so much to him? Why is he smiling back at her?

Your body moves by itself, getting up and walking with heavy steps towards the entrance where Hyunjin is talking to that girl, he seems excited.

You don't like it.

"Excuse me?" You say, waiting for him to turn around. You have your arms crossed in front of your chest and a foot tapping impatiently on the floor.

He looks at you with a smile that almost makes you melt, almost. You get even angrier, did he smile like that to her too?

"Oh, y/n, what can I do for you?"

"Who is she?" You ask without even thinking, why does that matter?

"We have divination together", he answers simply, just like that, as if that was a good enough answer. He frowns in confusion when you don't say anything and keep just staring at him. "Hm, we were just talking about some crazy prophecy Trelawney came up with in the middle of our class yesterday", he finishes, hoping you're satisfied with his answer.

You take your eyes out of him, looking at the girl and lifting one eyebrow, she smiles sheepishly at you and say goodbye to Hyunjin, walking to her house's table.

"Why did you take so long?" You step closer to him, grabbing his hand and holding it with yours.

"I didn't know you were waiting", he answers, leaning closer to you with a smirk in his lips.

"Well, I'll be waiting from now on so you better get here quickly"

You turn around, facing the tables. People are staring and whispering, of course, you never gave the time of day to him, it's something unpredictable to see you being cozy.

You slide his arms over your shoulder, a message to every other person that he's yours now. You're not sure where this possessiveness is coming from but it's there and you have to make it clear.

Hyunjin didn't think the potion would actually work, he's not that good at potions. He's been trying to catch your attention for a very long time but you rejected him over and over. He could have anyone he wanted, just not you and that made him crazy in the beginning, he just wanted you more and more, he's very ambitious after all.

However, after some time, he realized his feelings were deeper than what you thought, even more than he thought.

He started noticing every little thing about you, how you frown when you concentrate too hard, how you make every little feeling of yours show in your face. How you always have to be right.

And how you didn't want anything to do with him.

He was in love with you. That made him desperate, he needed you and you kept turning him down.

So he took drastic measures, he's not sure it's the most ethical thing to do, but he's unquestionably cunning, so he would do anything to achieve his goal.

A week before he gave you the brownies, your potion's class learned how to brew amortentia and he knew he had to give it a try. He spent nights awake trying to make the perfect potion, strong enough for it to work instantly and last long enough for you to not fall out of love easily.

"Are you really going to use a love potion?" Felix asks while watching Hyunjin mix the liquid with the brownies batter.

"I need to", he answers.

"She's going to be pissed if she finds out, you know that, right?" Felix tries again, it's not easy to make Hyunjin give up when he sets his mind to something.

"At least she'll be looking at me", his answer takes Felix by surprise, he knows Hyunjin is in love with you but maybe he can't grasp the depth of his feelings.

Hyunjin decides to wait, he'll try one more time before using the charmed brownies. He sees you in the courtyard, reading. You look beautiful with your hair messed by the wind and your lips moving, pronouncing the words in the book.

"So", he starts, he always tries to be confident around you, even though every time you turn him down his self esteem takes a blow. "When are we going on that date?", he asks, sitting by your side and watching you lift your eyes out of the book to look at him.

"Hm, I don't know about that", you smile kindly. He thinks you're cute being so considerate and trying not to hurt his feelings. Maybe if you weren't so nice to him, he'd already have gotten over you.

"What do I have to do for your answer to be yes?" He asks, bending his upper body to look at your face since you're looking at the book on your lap now.

"Let's not, Hyunjin", you sigh, "you know it's always going to be no"

He swallows hard, he did wish you were harsher in your rejection but he didn't think it would hurt so much.

"I'm not going to give up", he gets up, winking at you, he's too proud to show how hurt he is. "I know you don't dislike me, so that's a win for me", he smiles at you, even though he feels like he's suffocating.

He knows your personality, if you hated the idea of him hitting on you so much, you would already have threatened to crucio him but you don't and it's not because you're too polite for that, he has seen you fight people for much less.

He goes back to the Slytherin's common room and sits in front of the fireplace. It's getting cold lately, you shouldn't stay outside so much and for so long.

He just wants you to look at him, he's sure if you just get to know him better you'll want to be with him, he'll make sure of it.

So he gives you the brownies even though he feels a bit guilty about it, it's to late to back down when he sees you already turning around the corner, heading to the library.

He's restless, not sure when you're going to eat the brownies or if you are going to actually do it, he tries playing a bit of quidditch with his friends and studying but he's too anxious to concentrate on anything other than you. So he stays close to the library, waiting for you to finish your things.

As soon as you walk by the courtyard he can tell you're sick, so he gets closer and helps you get to your common room. Did you actually ask for his help? That sounds like a dream to him, just the thought of being next to you is enough to make him the happiest person alive, feeling your warmth against his body was enough to make him melt. If you didn't need his support, he'd be laying on the floor.

After giving him a peek on the cheek and leaving him behind in the great hall, after breakfast he can feel a burning gaze and he knows exactly who it is from. Seungmin, your best friend.

You might be enchanted but he's not, and if Hyunjin doesn't give you more of the love potion, Seungmin is going to make you fall out of love, he's sure of it.

He brews more of the potion, putting it on another batch of brownies to give to you. And you love the gift, eating all of it while studying with Hyunjin in the library. You're not studying much actually, you're just looking at him and asking questions about him, what he likes to do, about his family and his friends. It's an entirely new world to have all your attention to himself, he loves it, loves to spend time with you. The longer he stays in your presence the more he's sure that he does love you, all of you.

You're feeling tired lately, you lost all the deadlines to your projects in the last two weeks and now you're having to pull all nighters to try and get them all ready before the end of the semester. You have been spending a lot of time with Hyunjin, all the time you're not in class revolves around him.

He has been giving you lots of brownies lately and you're actually getting sick of it but you don't want to be a killjoy and end up accepting it anyway, eating it when you're bored.

This was the last time you accepted it though, you're going to say that you don't want it from now on and maybe Seungmin can help you eat these ones. Your best friend is at the library, waiting for you. He's going to help you finish some details of your project.

"I brought this for you", you shake the paper bag, holding it out for him.

He opens it and looks inside.

"Why does it smells like wood?" He scowls.

"What are you talking about?" You laugh awkwardly, "it smells like mint"

He stares at you for a few seconds before gasping, his hand palming his mouth.

"That's what's wrong with you!" He gets up, throwing the paper bag in the trash and ignoring your 'hey!' in protest. "Did Hyunjin give this to you?" He asks.

"Yes, why?"

"For how long have you been eating these brownies? Did they smell like that since the first time?" He ignores your questions, he looks absolutely out of it.

"Yeah, he gave me the first one's like two weeks ago", you frown, trying to understand what he's trying to say.

"He's been giving you amortentia", he tells you, running his hand through his hair, "how did I not realize that sooner, you've been acting weird for a reason!"

You feel your heart sink, he's been doing what?

That's not possible, he would never do something like that. Right?

You gasp, looking back to the way you have been acting lately, did he really charm you? So none of the things you're feeling are really real?

You managed to stay away from him for so long and suddenly you couldn't think about anything but him, the reason was right under your nose, you can't believe you didn't notice the signs.

"How much time does it take for it to wear out?" You ask, not really remembering what the professor taught you.

"A few hours minimum, a day or two if it's strong enough", Seungmin answers, whatching you seat and look at your fingers. Your chest hurts.

"Can I stay with you tonight? The last batch he gave me was yesterday, I may be fine tomorrow morning", you want to cry, Seungmin recognizes that face. You're looking around trying to prevent the tears from falling and he wants to kill Hyunjin for that.

Seungmin has been your best friend since first year, he didn't think he would have so much in common with someone from your house, but you two just clicked. He knows you like Hyunjin but you're too focused on your future to actually see that. Every time he makes a move on you, you'll turn him down, but your friend can see your eyes lingering on his figure while he walks away, you keep looking until he disappears and then you sigh. Sometimes Seungmin even sees you giggling from something Hyunjin says and your eyes shine brighter in those moments, he's not sure how you didn't realize it yet.

After the hurt eases a bit, you start getting mad. You wake up in the morning and all you can think about is a way to murder Hwang Hyunjin. You can't believe he used you like that, like a fucking toy for him to play house with.

You see him in the corridor, he smiles looking at you and opens his arms, waiting for a hug with a big smile on his face. Disgusting, that's all you can think.

"My love"

You walk confidently to him, taking him by surprise by hitting him in the face with a mixture of punch and slap, doing the movement of a slap but hitting him with your closed fist. He bends down, touching his cheek and looking at you, betrayal in his eyes.

"You fucking asshole!" You're seeing red, you didn't think you'd feel so livid seeing him, you're so hurt, so angry.

"Babe?" He looks at you like you're the one in the wrong.

"Don't", you take a deep breath, looking around to try and ease your anger, "don't call me that. You used a fucking love potion on me? What kind of loser does that?"

He gasps, he didn't think you'd find out about it, not so soon. He was sure he could make you fall in love with him and later on he would tell you about what he did.

Hyunjin could have anyone, there are dozens of people falling on their knees for him, you just can't understand why it has to be you.

"Let me explain, yeah?" He tries, taking a step closer and trying to hold your hands but you step back, glaring even harder at him.

"Don't touch me" you say, gritting your teeth, "you're disgusting"

You turn around, seeing the amount of people looking at your fight with shocked expressions in their faces. Of course no one's going to believe he gave you a love potion, he doesn't need that, he's Hwang Hyunjin.

That makes you even angrier.

You walk fast away from there, you can't believe you have to go through this kind of thing and the worst part is, why does it hurt so much? The effects of the potion must have ended by now, then why do you feel like you can't breath? The tears run out of your eyes without your permission and the hiccups come naturally with the painful cries.

You feel tired, frustrated, overwhelmed but most of all you feel heartbroken. There's no more potion tempering with your feelings but you still feel a lot of different emotions you shouldn't be feeling. It's not possible that you really like him.

The right reaction is for you to curse him, feel mad about all he's done and hate him with all your being. But you're feeling hurt and you want to curse at him, obviously you're angry about what he's done, but you're worried about him too, maybe you were too harsh.

No.

You'll not let any feelings you have let him get away with manipulating you. If you really do like him you're just going to have to stop.

Hyunjin can't eat, can't sleep, can't study, in other words, he can't function properly. You don't speak to him, you don't look at him, you don't even aknowledge his existence.

You don't eat when he's in the great hall, you will sit in the fartest seat from him when you're in the same class and everytime he tries talking to you, your personal bodyguard, Seungmin, prevents him from doing it.

He can't live like this, Hyunjin feels like he's about to die at any moment and he just doesn't know what to do.

Felix is too nice to actually say it but he looks at Hyunjin with that 'I told you so' look and just watches again as his friend sits in his bed and spends minutes staring at nothing.

"Was it that bad?" He asks but he already knows the answer. The whole school is in uproar after you punched him in the middle of the corridor before classes started, so to say everyone knows about what happened it's an understatement.

"She's not even looking at me", Hyunjin says finally and Felix sighs, sitting by his side and patting his back.

"I think you should give her some time", Hyunjin scowls after hearing that, even though he knows his friend is probably right.

It hurts so much, even more than when you just ignored him. Because now that he felt your warmth, he can't live without it.

Since Seungmin met you, this is the first time he has to worry about you. Even when you pulled all-nighters studying or joined too many extracurricular activities, you always took care of yourself. This time though, you're not.

Your grades are back to normal and your projects are all ready a week before the deadline but at what cost? You are not sleeping properly, there are huge eyebags under your eyes and you lost weight, your hair is always a mess and your clothes are far from your usual tidy style. He knows you realized your feelings for Hyunjin and you're just trying to bury them without actually trying to understand them and he just doesn't know what to do to help you. Every time he tries talking about it, you'll brush it aside and tell him you're not in the mood for that.

The winter holidays come to you like a gift and a curse, you don't have lots of work to take care of so you can rest but you don't have lots of work to take care of so you don't have anything to distract yourself from your wandering thoughts, those ones that always end up on the same person.

You never thought it would be so hard to get over someone, in some way your brain probably knew that the moment you let someone walk past your walls it wouldn't be easy to undo the damage made. That's why you always run from Hyunjin, because it would be torturous to stay away from him after you let your feelings be known.

As the weeks go by, your anger subside a bit. You still can't forgive what he did but you miss him too much to still be mad. You were pretty confident in the first few weeks, concentrating all your energy in your classes and projects, trying to forget about him. However, the more time passed, the more you thought you actually liked him… way before the amortentia happened.

You two met each other in your first year, but you were children that didn't care about the opposite sex and it went like that till fifth year, when you two turned fifthteen and puberty just hit him like a truck over summer break. He came back taller, his voice changed a bit too and his facial expressions as a whole were sharper, more eye-catching than ever.

It wasn't different for Hyunjin, however you always caught his eye. When he was younger he thought you were cute for a girl and he has never been easy to impress. When you grew up you became so pretty he couldn't take his eyes out of you. That was the first time he ever asked someone out and the first time he was rejected, it really hurt his pride. And now, finishing your seventh year, it's the first time you're realizing that maybe he fell first but you fell harder.

The classes come back in the blink of an eye, you're not sure you're happy or sad about it since you don't know what to do with the whole Hyunjin situation.

It all gets worse when you see him in the corridor, he's looking around, fidgeting and you just know he's waiting for you.

You try walking past him, but he lifts his eyes as if he felt your presence and you see the corner of his mouth going downwards and his lips quivering.

"Can- can we talk?" He pleads, his voice shaking, it's too much for him to finally see you again, finally have you looking at him again.

You look down, trying to decide what to do and end up nodding, turning around and leading him to an empty classroom. He closes the door and watches as you wander around the class, brushing your fingers on the table's surface, avoiding looking at him.

"How are you?" He asks finally, after a few minutes of torturous, awkward silence.

"Just fine", you answer, looking at every piece of the room but not at him. You're afraid that if you look him in the eyes you're going to cave in and you just can't give in so easily.

"I'm having a really hard time", he tells you.

"Didn't ask", you stop in your tracks, annoyed with yourself because it hurts to be mean to him. "Let's get this over with", you manage to say, even though the ache in your chest is making it difficult to breathe.

He sighs, running his hands through his hair.

"I- I'm really sorry about what I did, y/n, can you please forgive me?" He begs and you finally turn around, trying to keep your cool, the anger is coming again and you feel your face hot.

"Are you asking me to forgive you for tampering with my feelings? Or for pulling this shit just because you're obsessed with something you can't have?"

He frowns, it's not like that, he knows that but clearly you don't.

"Y/N, I have wanted you all the same since the beginning. I can't have anyone else, not because I'm obsessed but because I'm in love with you", he takes a step towards you, "you make me feel alive, that's why I keep trying over and over again"

You're taken aback by the confession, so shocked you don't even notice how close he got to you in a few moments but you can't let him get away from this, not when your pride is involved.

"Do you think it's fair to make someone like you just because you like them? Would you ever have told me about what you did or would you keep me like a fucking toy until you were tired of playing with me?"

He stares at you for a moment, a desperate look on his face. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He was selfish, he knows that and you have the right to not want anything to do with him anymore, but he has to try earning you back.

"I know I shouldn't have gave you a love potion, I know it's wrong and I did know you wouldn't like having your feelings messed with", he takes one of your hands and puts it in his chest, right above his heart and for the first time since you found out about what he did, you don't want to pull your hand away from his touch. "I was going to tell you, I swear, I just wanted to make you really look at me and see it was worth giving me a chance", he smiles sadly, "you are right to hate me after what I did but if you do forgive me I swear that I'll make up for it every day of our lives and I'll make you happier than you ever thought could be possible. It's going to be my goal, my mission, the biggest of my ambitions"

You sigh, it hurts. Logically, you shouldn't forgive him. But love is not logical and you want to accept his proposal. You know it's dumb and you know it's risky but never in your life did you really make a choice that you wanted to. You had to be a good student so your teachers would like you, you had to behave so your family would be proud of you, you had to have good grades so your parents would be satisfied, because they told you you needed to have the greatest career and that became your dream, but you never stopped to think about what you really wanted.

"If you didn't use the potion, would you keep trying to win me over?" You whisper, trying to decide what answer to give him.

"Yes, probably forever. Until you threatened to kill me or married someone else", he smiles, "not going to assure you I wouldn't try stealing you from your partner, but that would hold me back a little", he chuckles.

You sigh, why must you like him so much?

"I swear I'll make you regret it if you ever use any magic on me again", you say through gritted teeth, glaring at him, "and I like the thing you said about making up for it our whole lives"

A big smile grows on his lips and you feel your cheeks getting hot, how can someone be this beautiful?

"Then, will you give me another chance?" He asks in a breath.

"I'll let you take me on a date and I'll decide after that"

He smiles widely, throwing his arms around you and kissing the top of your head.

"I'll make it be a yes", he whispers, squeezing you more in his embrace.

You know you'll forgive him completely soon, Hyunjin can't hide his emotions from you so you know he's telling the truth but you sure as hell are not going to make it easy for him.

[xoxobuckybarnes]

August 2024 Reading List

Complete

War & Peace and the Redemption of Bucky Barnes (Rated: E, Words: 51K) by ThePirateStorm / @fsbc-librarian

Summary: Bucky Barnes is running from his problems. He’s housesitting for his best friend while she’s on her honeymoon - the almost a year prior that he’s been staying in her house doesn’t count - when he’s woken in the middle of the night by an angel and a demon. Okay, maybe they’re not a literal angel and demon, but Steve Rogers *looks* like an angel, and his daughter Charli certainly *acts* like a demon. The father/daughter duo are running from their own problems, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t crash headlong into one another’s lives. Throw in a cursed book for good measure, and it’s about to get a whole lot more interesting.

Sleep, Baby (Rated: E, Words: 4K) by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy (hutchabelle)

Summary: Have a baby, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. And it is, but it’s also the most bone-crushingly tiring thing in the world. Bucky needs a nap, coffee, and sex, but his baby WILL NOT SLEEP! He should have known his husband always has a plan, especially on Valentine's Day. Written for the Hell Yeah Bottom Bucky Valentines Exchange.

Winter's Children (Rated: E, Words: 66K) by Neery

Summary: When their attempts to recreate the super soldier serum failed, Hydra started trying to breed Captain America clones from his genetic samples. Unfortunately, the serum's effects aren't passed down genetically, so instead of an army of tiny Captain Americas, they get a bunch of tow-headed, asthmatic, allergic, immuno-compromised little Steves. And then the Winter Soldier stumbles across Hydra's failed experiment...

tin cans with string (Rated: T, Words: 22K) by Somanywords / @somanywords

Summary: Bucky’s mother was looking at him knowingly, and she pulled out a chair for him, which he climbed into gratefully. “You’re an only child, aren’t you, Steve?” “Yes Ma’am.” “It ever gets to be too much for you, you just excuse yourself and come sit in the kitchen a minute. It’s a little noisy with the baby at times, but other than that you can catch a breath.” Steve looked up at her gratefully. She understood, and having someone understand was the best thing in the world. --an exploration of mothers, and of one that isn’t yours.

Where You Lead, I Will Follow (Rated: T, Words: 11K) by attackofthezee (noxlunate)

Summary: When Steve was sixteen years old Peggy Carter had placed a tiny, blonde six pound, three ounce bundle into Steve’s arms. She’d kissed the top of Carter’s head, kissed Steve’s cheek and said “I can’t do this.” with such strength and conviction that Steve hadn’t even questioned her. “I know.” Steve had said, shifting Carter to rest against his chest, a hand on her bottom and the other cupping her tiny, soft head. “But I can.” AKA it's a Gilmore Girls AU and Steve loves his kid, Bucky, Stars Hollow, and coffee. In that order.

Seahorses (Rated: E, Words: 31K) by poppyfields13 & tinzelda

Summary: Now that Bucky’s taken over the role of Captain America, Steve feels like it’s finally the time to start a family. Bucky doesn’t know what to feel when Steve breaks the news he’s going to adopt a baby. He wants Steve to be happy, but he’s worried it will affect their friendship. Once Steve becomes a dad though, Bucky can’t help falling in love with the baby. And maybe Steve will finally see Bucky in a different light.

Loves Me Like A Rock (Rated: T, Words: 4K) by musette22 / @musette22

Summary: “You’re not that bad, Steve,” Sarah reassures him, though she can’t be entirely sure. “I’m sure you must’ve gotten a little better at flirting since your high school days?” Steve makes a face. “What on earth would give you that idea?” “Well,” Sarah says, reaching over to give Steve's hand a consoling pat, “you have other qualities, my darling.” “Such as?” “You could out-stubborn a donkey,” she answers, without missing a beat. “You’ve got a decent singing voice, too. Dogs love you.” Steve huffs. “Gee, thanks, ma. That's really helpful.”

A Wedding to Remember (Rated: E, Words: 19K) by SucculentHyena

Summary: It’s Becca’s wedding, her happiest day. Bucky just wants it to go as planned. And it does! Repeatedly.

Five Times Bucky Modelled For Steve (Rated: T, Words: 8K) by Selenay

Summary: The first time Steve drew Bucky, he had purple hair like something out of a cartoon. "I don't have a brown," Steve said when he got to Bucky's hair. "Sorry. It got broken."

sharing beds like little kids (Rated: M, Words: 17K) by tesselated

Summary: Steve and Bucky are childhood best friends who get separated when they're thirteen and Steve moves away. Five years later, they see each other at a party. ++ It seemed to Bucky that there had to be a certain all-encompassing awkwardness in going up to the guy you loved best when you were twelve and saying “Hey buddy, remember me?”

Love Thy Neighbor (Rated: M, Words: 7K) by hermionesmydawg / @anthonystan

Summary: Bucky Barnes has a few problems with his new neighbor: 1. He's hot 2. He's loud 3. He might be a secret superhero

if your heart's still open (Rated: E, Words: 8K) by steveandbucky

Summary: “What’s wrong, Buck?” “You really gotta ask that?” “Yeah, I do.” Steve clenches his jaw. “You were the one who ended things.”

WIP

Gold Must Be Tried By Fire (Rated: M, Current Words: 28K) by lavenderpanic / @lavenderpanic

Summary: The pamphlets about escaping abuse always glossed over this part, and Bucky finally understands why. Nobody would fucking leave if they knew how hard recovery would be. In the midst of a trial that questions every hard-won truth out of Bucky’s mouth, can he possibly allow himself to heal- physically and mentally? **Sequel to I Am Ash From Your Fire**

The Life of Jamie Barnes (Rated: M, Current Words: 9K) by deadto27 / @deadto27

Summary: The continuing adventures of Steve, Bucky and baby James from the Heart of Mine series through the years.

Rereads

Nothing Good Ever Happens on a Tuesday (Rated: T, Words: 28K) by megs_bee

Summary: Recently discharged soldier James Barnes is back in Brooklyn, down an arm and missing five years of memories, but he’s got his PTSD mostly under control, a fancy metal prosthetic, and what’s starting to feel like it could be a half-decent life. What he doesn’t have is any memory of the kid looking at James and asking him, “Are you my daddy?” -- or the gorgeous blond guy standing next to her. Steve Rogers lost his best friend Bucky five years ago, with no warning and no answers when he tried to find out what happened. So it was one hell of a surprise to walk into the grocery store one afternoon and come face to face with the man he thought was dead.

Prince Charming (Rated: E, Words: 55K) by Brenda / @brendaonao3

Summary: Bucky Barnes leads quite the charmed life. He has a thriving tattoo shop, a son he adores, the world’s best dogs, and a great group of friends — almost all of whom are in relationships. And maybe he'd been the one nudging them towards each other, but there's nothing wrong with a little match-making. The world could use more romance. As for him personally, well, he doesn’t need anyone for the long haul. Not when every girl he meets is someone who he thinks would be perfect for someone else. But then Steve Rogers comes into his shop looking for some ink, and maybe that’s the problem right there. Maybe what he's looking for in a relationship isn't a girl at all.

[cecilyv]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @screamlet

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 14 (and, full disclosure, all but some of the tumblr fics are with @liminalmemories21)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 151,628

3. What fandoms do you write for? 9-1-1

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? In order: Awful quiet here since love fell asleep (9-1-1, the break up, make up fic), Atlas (bound) (9-1-1, the Buckley parents are trash fic), Baggage that goes with mine (9-1-1, Tommy begins), (I'm in love) but I do not speak the language (9-1-1, the relationship discovery one), and I'll cover you (9-1-1, part II after Baggage, when Buck and Tommy get a dog).

5. Do you respond to comments? I really try. @liminalmemories21 is much better at it than I am, but I do always intend to because each comment is my best beloved.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Erm, we don't really write angsty things? Awful quiet, Atlas and Inside, You've Got Heaven and Earth all start angsty, but don't end there?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Oh, god, uh, probably What's with today, today? Mostly just because making them all librarians on Stuffie Day itself was an indulgent turducken of a dessert.

8. Do you get hate on fics? not so far, thankfully

9. Do you write smut? a hundred percent more than I ever imagined

10. Do you write crossovers? I drop them in Lim's chat all the time but one has never stuck. Like, the one from this week was Wolfram and Heart is based in LA and reopens and... I don't know, Lindsey sticks around with his evil hand? THNK OF BUCK AND FREAKING OUT WITH THE CURSES AND THE RESEARCH SPIRALS AND...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Err, all of the recent ones because I am nothing (fandom-wise) without Lim

14. What's your all time favorite ship? I have no answer for this. I read like, a decade's worth of Stiles/Derek and literally never watched an episode of the show, but I watched SO MUCH Stargate because John/Rodney, my beloveds. I am still a sucker for a good Arthur/Eames. I would bow down if people brought back silver foxes Fraser/RayK. It's hard to have favorites after over 30 years in fandom.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Lim and I poke things to death, and definitely don't post a lot of them because we can't imagine things not being done before we put them out in the world -- see the Merlin fic of epicness that we started way over a decade ago and still sits in our google docs.

16. What are your writing strengths? I also think this is a thing best answered by others, like hi, Lim, how do I help? I honestly think I'm a better editor than writer? I'm not good about setting scenes, but I'm pretty good about taking drafts and massaging them?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I always want things to feel more lived in than I feel I can accomplish on my own.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I speak english and bad english, so I am terrible about this, but I totally understand that sometimes its warranted.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Popslash and Smallville, and hi, yes, I disappeared for two decades.

20. Favorite fics you've written?

Awful quiet did exactly what I wanted that fic to when we set out to write it, and while maybe I wish some of the OCs were handled better/differently, I'm still happy with how we got from the beginning to end.

The What Binds series definitely put Tommy in a place and time, and there's a reason there's four stories worth of it (hi, I'm super proud of the detail about Tommy losing his virginity to Dave Matthew Band because, come on, people).

I know that Inside, You've Got Heaven and Earth didn't really hit with people, but it addressed something I wanted to fiddle with for Buck and Tommy, and Lim was a trooper for going there with me.

[museandquill]

Books With Queer Romance Reviews

Hello, welcome to the second addition of Muse and Reviews, this time over YA Queer Romance novels. Now these books will mostly be YA Romance, but there will also be books with romance as a side plot

1. Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas

Yadriel has summoned a ghost, and now he can’t get rid of him. When his traditional Latinx family has problems accepting his gender, Yadriel becomes determined to prove himself a real brujo. With the help of his cousin and best friend Maritza, he performs the ritual himself, and then sets out to find the ghost of his murdered cousin and set it free. However, the ghost he summons is actually Julian Diaz, the school’s resident bad boy, and Julian is not about to go quietly into death. He’s determined to find out what happened and tie up some loose ends before he leaves. Left with no choice, Yadriel agrees to help Julian, so that they can both get what they want. But the longer Yadriel spends with Julian, the less he wants to let him leave.

I adore this book, I adore Yadriel, I adore Julian, I adore Yadriel’s cousin Maritza, I just love this book. This book actually made history by being the first New York Times Bestseller List by an openly trans author with a trans character. Even though I am not Latinx, I related to Yadriel in such a deep way because of my own experiences with being trans in a fairly conservative family. I love the relationship between Yadriel and Julian and I personally envy the relationship between Yadriel and Maritza. When it comes to the urban fantasy aspect, I think it blends very well with the world. This book also talks about Latinx gods and goddess, mainly Santa Muerte, and Mexican traditions.

I think this book is a good introduction to YA romance since it’s not mainly just a romance.

2. Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender

Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after. When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle.... But as he navigates his complicated feelings, Felix begins a journey of questioning and self-discovery that helps redefine his most important relationship: how he feels about himself.

This is another book that I really connected with due to the fact the main character is trans, and also that he's an artist that has been struggling with feeling like he is too complicated to love. This book focuses on self love, gender identity, racial identity, and social pressures. It has been awhile since Ive read this book but I do remember very much enjoying it, especially since Felix is not a completely perfect character

3. The Extraordinaries by TJ Clune

Some people are extraordinary. Some are just extra. New York Times bestselling author TJ Klune's YA debut, The Extraordinaries, is a queer coming-of-age story about a fanboy with ADHD and the heroes he loves. Nick Bell? Not extraordinary. But being the most popular fanfiction writer in the Extraordinaries fandom is a superpower, right? After a chance encounter with Shadow Star, Nova City’s mightiest hero (and Nick’s biggest crush), Nick sets out to make himself extraordinary. And he’ll do it with or without the reluctant help of Seth Gray, Nick's best friend (and maybe the love of his life).

I was recommended this book by my high school librarian about two years ago and it was a fun and fairly light hearted read (at least compared to what I usually read) Nick truly imbodies the super fan inside all of us. I mean who wouldn't write fanfic about actual superheroes? I love Nick, I love Seth, and the book does a wonderful job at showing Nick's ADHD. This book was absolutely adorable 5/5 stars

4. They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They’re going to die today. Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they’re both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There’s an app for that. It’s called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day. Adam Silvera reminds us that there’s no life without death and no love without loss in this devastating yet uplifting story about two people whose lives change over the course of one unforgettable day.

Of course I had to talk about They Both Die at the End. God damn you Adam Silvera, I love this book and hate it at the same time. It's amazing but horrifically sad. Obviously the ending is spoiled in the title but god does this book give you a sliver of hope. Thoughts and prayer (in a nonchristian way) to anyone who reads this book, bring your tissues!

5. Godly Heathens by H.E. Edgemond

Infatuation. Reincarnation. Damnation. Gem Echols is a nonbinary Seminole teen living in the tiny town of Gracie, Georgia. Known for being their peers' queer awakening, Gem leans hard on charm to disguise the anxious mess they are beneath. The only person privy to their authentic self is another trans kid, Enzo, who's a thousand long, painful miles away in Brooklyn. But even Enzo doesn't know about Gem's dreams, haunting visions of magic and violence that have always felt too real. So how the hell does Willa Mae Hardy? The strange new girl in town acts like she and Gem are old companions, and seems to know things about them they've never told anyone else. When Gem is attacked by a stranger claiming to be the Goddess of Death, Willa Mae saves their life and finally offers some answers. She and Gem are reincarnated gods who've known and loved each other across lifetimes. But Gem—or at least who Gem used to be— hasn't always been the most benevolent deity. They've made a lot of enemies in the pantheon—enemies who, like the Goddess of Death, will keep coming. It's a good thing they've still got Enzo. But as worlds collide and the past catches up with the present, Gem will discover that everyone has something to hide.

I just finished my second read through of this book and god do I love this book with my whole heart and soul. Complicated main characters, interesting romance, old gods, and queer people in small towns, what more could you need. If this book had zero fans I’d be dead. If this book at one fan it’s ME. It’s a why choose romance with a fight between fate and creating your own life. I want to do a whole deep dive into this book and doing an in depth analysis. This book is not for the faint of heart or only wants perfect main characters. No one in this story is perfect, especially Gem, Willa Mae, and Enzo. (And anyone who says Willa Mae is perfect hasn’t ACTUALLY read the book and I will die on this hill)

[thetypedwriter]

Divine Rivals Book Review

Divine Rivals Book Review by Rebecca Ross 

I have a feeling this book review might be short and sweet (quite unusual for me). 

Divine Rivals is one one of those books that I avoided reading because it had so much hype. It’s been topping the New York Times Bestseller’s List for weeks and I just…couldn’t believe that it was worth all the attention it was getting. 

I was wrong, but in my defense, the last book I read with tons of praise and accolades was Fourth Wing and that book was certainly not worth the recognition in any way, shape, or form. 

Divine Rivals, however, to my utmost surprise, was a super enjoyable read, probably one of the best that I’ve read in awhile.

My school librarian (I work at a high school) finally convinced me to read it as she flew all the way up to Washington to attend Rebecca Ross’ book signing and couldn’t stop singing its praises. 

As a fellow YA reader inspired by her dedication, I finally bought Divine Rivals with lingering reluctance. Very quickly though, that reluctance turned into relief and then that relief transitioned into a rave review. That brings us to the present. 

Divine Rivals is a true enemies-to-lovers. I feel like YA has been so over saturated with enemies-to-lovers lately, but they’ve all been subpar and disappointing.

The so-called “enemies” stage lasts all of five minutes before they immediately become lovers. Divine Rivals actually was a true enemies-to-lovers, and a good one at that. 

Additionally, the main characters, Iris and Roman, don’t suddenly change their feelings for one another overnight. It’s a slow realization of coming to terms that the vitriol they felt for each other was always a razor’s edge away from love.

They’ve always had passion, always driven each other, and that is what makes the best enemies-to-lovers: the deliberate and almost imperceptible change of hating one another to loving one another and then realizing it’s not all that different in the end. 

Speaking of Iris and Roman, I like them as characters. Were they the best, most amazing characters of all time? No. But they were genuinely good. 

Iris is passionate, caring, and brave. Roman is dedicated, persistent, and loving. My only gripe is that I do think Iris and Roman are a little too perfect.

The worst thing Roman did was fall asleep while his little sister was sleeping, only to have her drown. While this is terrible, it was also an accident. It wasn’t actually anything intentional on Roman’s part. 

I do think Iris has more moments of selfishness perhaps, especially when thinking about Forest and how she’s been left alone, but even then it’s very understandable and not even that bad to begin with. 

They’re both almost unflinchingly brave, kind, and altruistic, which is quite bothersome, but in this case it’s not a huge gripe that I have. 

Other than the actually good enemies-to-lovers story device, my other favorite part of the novel was the plot, which astonished me, especially considering that this is a war novel. 

I don’t like war. It’s violent, brutal, and heart-wrenching. Thinking about it, I don’t believe I’ve actually read a YA novel centered around war before.

For that reason, I appreciated its uniqueness, especially in the sense that Roman and Iris were war correspondents and not soldiers.

I thought that was an interesting detail to include, one for the better as then we got to see the cruelty and ferocity of war, but it didn’t take up the entire book and we got to explore other avenues as well—like the support side of war, their life before the war, etc. 

Iris looking for her missing-in-action older brother was a great plot point as well, one that really drove her character and fueled a lot of her actions. Roman’s motivations were a bit weaker, as the unwanted arranged marriage as a device is a bit overused in my opinion.

He essentially just followed Iris because he liked her, but it would have been good if he had other reasons to motivate him other than his feelings for Iris. 

The other characters in the novel are fine and play their roles well. However, I will make the blanket statement that they don’t really matter in any significant way.

Marisol, Attie, any of the soldiers—they’re stock characters without too much development. 

But that’s okay. While I would have liked a little more development of Attie’s and Iris’ friendship, the focus really is on Roman and Iris and I accept that. 

One facet of the novel I really liked was the small, almost easy-to-forget casual moments of magic. Fantasy elements are present throughout the whole novel, but they’re small, curious tidbits instead of huge game-changing elements—until the very end at least. 

For example, the whole war is between two gods. You get this backstory as a reader that there used to be hundreds of gods, but that humans banded together to kill them.

Eventually, only the most powerful gods remained until they were murdered as well, put to rest, and buried in graves…until now. Two gods, Enva and Dacre, have risen and are ranging war, gods with a twisted past and even more twisted feelings. 

The backdrop of the war is unique and interesting, but never too heavy. You get some exposition here and there, the occasional myth that crops up, but that’s it.

I cannot state how much I appreciate Ross’ world-building here. It’s light, but intriguing. It molds the story, but doesn’t require massive amounts of chapters of mundane explanation. 

It’s perfectly well-executed. 

Even the magic part is interesting. It’s mentioned here and there that magic exists, but in small, unceremonious doses. An odd door here, an alley there, a magical typewriter—nothing huge, but instead these small details that just add to the world and make it special. 

I have a feeling that we’re going to learn more about the gods, their backstory, and the magic system in the next book and I can’t wait.

One of the only things that downgraded this book for me was the ending. Spoiler alert for moving forward, as I will be discussing the conclusion in intricate detail. 

It is beyond frustrating to me when authors take the whole book to finally get two characters together, two characters that they know their readers are rooting for and can’t wait to see, and then finally deliver it only to shatter it one second later. 

For instance, it takes Roman and Iris nearly the whole book to come to terms with their feelings and be shaped by world events before they finally unite in holy matrimony (literally). It’s beautiful. As a reader you are overjoyed at finally having reached this point. 

Then, through flimsy excuses, Ross separates the two almost immediately with the insinuation that Roman will turn into Dacre’s war puppet and they will once again have to fight to find each other and be together. It’s my guess that this will take the entire next book. 

It is so baffling and aggravating to me when authors do this. We want to see Iris and Roman together. That’s why we’re reading. Let me see their relationship blossom. Just because they got married doesn’t mean the story is over.

Marriage is hard. Let me see them navigate this new stage of their relationship. That would be so interesting and just as complex.

When you separate them literally a few hours after they get married we get to see nothing. 

What is the point?

You’ve undermined all the progress you’ve made throughout the whole book and now we’re back at square one.

Iris literally is back in Oath, her hometown, living in the apartment where she started, working a journalist’s job. 

It is beyond excruciating to feel like the progress, feelings, and events of the first book are all but wiped away just so that Ross can have something to write about again?

I’ve said it before and I'll say it again: couples can get together and still be interesting. It’s not just about getting together, but staying together. 

Urgh. 

Up until the ending, I was so into this book. While the ending didn’t ruin things, it really annoyed me to know that we will now take the whole next book to find Romana and he probably won’t even be his full self. 

I can see it all clearly laid out. If this is not the case, I will be pleasantly surprised, but I don’t count on it.

I didn’t even get into the bit of Iris not recognizing Roman and mistaking him for Forest, but I’ll leave at: it was stupid and not believable, even with circumstances presented. 

In general, other than the ending, Divine Rivals is fantastic. The morsels of magic that leave you wanting more, the successful enemies-to-lovers with a payoff (until it’s immediately ripped away from you), the background of war and raging gods—it’s all sublime in the best way possible. 

Recommendation: If it gives you any indication on how I felt about this book—I already started reading Ruthless Vows and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into it and devour it from beginning to end. 

Score: 8/10 (would have been higher without the idiotic and cliched ending). 

P.S. (Turns out my book review was not short and sweet. Whoops.)

[augustheart]

also, while yes i did unravel on the dashboard, i did want to send my thoughts on s3 bc man... this season. the torment nexus deluxe and it was DELICIOUS. i must admit i thought they would go a bit more evil with DOSA, kinda feel they chickened out of making them bad bad. like they are a branch of the us military institution, don't pull you punches? and it would have been a nice parallel with (from what i think im understanding insofar the s4 reaching plot arc?) the library as an institution. but i guess it also remains to be seen. also must admit, i had a full minute where i thought "oh shit are they going to do a winter soldier with eve???" bc the DOSA boss lady said sleeper agent but nope just the standard set up for a double cross double cross twist. but they got my ass for a moment. THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE EPISODE. man. it truly is infuriating how much noah wyle GETS alex. like FUCK. cocaine television.... INSANE. whole episode about how she should kill herself to save the world. AND in a green void. i cannot believe i saw that episodes with my own two eyes. truly insane television alex planning her suicide and while she is losing a mother figure and a central pillar of her support system, the person that knew her before she was a librarian, that understood her best and she could always talk to, THAT person tells her sometimes sacrifices are necessary for the greater good. charlene telling alex to kill herself not clickbait??? insane INSANE. im still rotating that whole plotline in my head like i cannot believe it actually happened. i am curious abt what charlene whispered to eve before she untethered. also insane lore drops. it truly IS hilarious how much charlene does NOT fuck with jenkins. good. good. s3 run me through the wringer and in a haze i started s4 and BAM. NICOLE. man. insane. INSANE. i cannot believe after three movies and three seasons, they were like "hey. wouldn't it be fucked up if alex's inexperience and ego as a fledgling librarian got her guardian killed? and she has carried that guilt and shame and self loathing with her for a decade? and then it turns out her first guardian IS alive and 500 years old and immortal and hates the library? at the same time alex is grappling with the fact she is about to become an immortal tied to the library?" COCAINE TELEVISION. i cannot wait to see what s4 holds in store. im gonna try to not binge through it and i'll see you on the other side on thursday 🫡

under a cut again

i would never. i would NEVER cop out with a shady government agency. i would NEVER. i love them. i have two google docs about it as we speak (although one of them is much closer to completion than the other and given your hopes for winter soldier style eve i think. You Will Like It). the mid s3 fic i wrote if you haven't already checked it out (bird in a cage) is about how i would NEVER cop out. make that organization fucked up! hurt those people NOW! i want to see BLOOD.

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE TORMENT NEXUS SO AWESOME. one of the episodes of all time. that + the noir parody episode which i see you've now seen is like. oh it's so unfortunate that he gets it. and equally unfortunately so does jonathan frakes. crazy how this show has two whole episodes about how alexandria wants to kill herself So Bad. one of my favorite bits in the s3 finale is when jenkins calls it a human sacrifice and you see in real time everyone else realize he's talking about suicide. sorry for shameless self promotion again but that's what remiges and rectrices is about, but since it vaguely mentions nicole's fate/library of alexandria Lore from the s4 premiere it made more sense to say to read it after you'd seen that episode.

also i'm not sure if this is something you're aware of but the entirety of the librarians (and the vast majority of leverage's original run) was filmed in my area. so there are so many moments that are only scary for ME where they'll go someplace i'm super familiar with. (for example there's a scene in the s3 premiere where there's a shot that includes a location where i used to stand and throw balls at strangers' heads (i don't do that anymore. i was a child), the evil pervert magician sean astin "carnival" which is the same as the "carnival" from the carnival job leverage and where the van gogh job's climax was filmed is an amusement park (not a carnival) near a birding location i frequent, etc.) and it is so scary. get noah wyle the HELL out of my house i don't want him there. rebecca romijn you can stay.

thus far s4 has had two episodes in it that we did not care for--christmas episode and then one you won't have gotten to yet so i won't mention it but you will probably know when you get there because it's uhh. Well. it's uh--but it has also had absolute BANGERS. the noir episode easily one of the best in the show, i really like the fortuna episode and i think it's one of the most competently done ones in the show, full disclosure i didn't like how it ended but the beginning and middle of the [redacted] lesbian trip to the paper mill (again) fucks supremely, DND GROUP EPISODE SO GOOD. they had to put in christmas and the other one to keep the rent low i guess.

charlene killing herself while telling alex she knows she's about to kill herself is so. like. can this fucking library stop producing people who want to commit suicide? hello? it's so dark in here. Hello? delicious narratively though. when you're done and i'm done we need to talk about this more. i'm so absolutely hyped to finish the season tomorrow and i hope you know that if you're waiting for later in the week to finish i can verify that the third-to-last episode is fucking great so you have that waiting for you. i've heard the final two are also good though.

i feel like i had more to say when i read this at work after i first got it but i have to go to my partner's house. also look at this dumb post i made about the noir episode because alexandria was so real for suicidally ideating in the driver's seat IMMEDIATELY upon entering a scene. thank you.

[hwajin]

☆ °. GET TO KNOW ME !!

tagged by @strayingawayy (thank you sm i love talking abt myself when literally no one asked)

☆ WHAT'S THE ORIGIN OF YOUR BLOG TITLE?

a very dear old friend i haven't talked to in a while came up with it!! hwa = hwang; jin = hyunjin :))

☆ FAVOURITE FANDOMS

i hate fandoms ngl 😭😭 i like certain ppl within fandoms (such as moots on here) but i've never been a fandom type of person, i only rlly like the artists/ shows/ etc. and few cool ppl i meet!

☆ OTP(S)

no clue what this meant and when i googled it i still don't know an answer bc idk if it's meant in a shipping way, if not tho then 25 21 heedo and yijin are my ride or die idk 😭😭 there's probably more couples i love but i can only think of them rn

☆ FAVOURITE COLOR?

purple? or a certain shade of blue. i love lots of colors tho, give me all the colors

☆ FAVOURITE GAME?

not a gamer at ALL but anything that is mario or on the wii, and durak

☆ SONG STUCK IN YOUR HEAD?

currently pretty much anything from tj_beastboy (don't judge), ENDORPHIN especially

☆ WEIRDEST HABIT/ TRAIT?

that i talk to myself whenever i'm alone or else i start tweaking. like i need to constantly pretend i'm talking to either someone or literally only to myself because the silence is too loud otherwise. i also play too much with my lip piercing and it looks weird when i do

☆ HOBBIES?

drawing, dancing, READING, crocheting, cooking, anything that is kinda creative!!

☆ IF YOU WORK, WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION?

i'm a librarian in training!! never have planned to become one, but i had more or less experience in the field and being surrounded by books literally every day isn't all too bad :))

☆ IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WISH, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

honestly? nothing. i love my hobbies too much to make them a job, and i love my free time too much to actually go to work (if i had the choice). IF i had to pick absolutely anything i'd love to be some sort of artist/ performer/ dancer, if skill didn't matter

☆ SOMETHING YOU'RE GOOD AT?

all my hobbies i think, also picking up skills quickly, i'm a super fast learner. also making ppl feel seen i think? i think i can mimick ppl and kind of become a chamaeleon in certain situations

☆ SOMETHING YOU'RE BAD AT?

grounding myself and speaking my entire truth. i'm too scared of confrontation sometimes and wanna please ppl too often

☆ SOMETHING YOU LOVE?

god so many things. the ppl around me, very fucking loud music, my headphones!! like just sitting there and having music absolutely blast into my ear drums. nice rhythms and fun songs, good books, checking books from my reading list!! the sun and the sunset, the full moon, visiting my parents for a long dinner, loooong and lazy mornings, sweets, nice pictures and paintings i can hang up in my room! to just name a few hehe

☆ SOMETHING YOU HATE?

myself sometimes but i try to be kind to both myself and everyone and everything else. seeing the good in everything type shit

☆ SOMETHING YOU COULD TALK ABOUT FOR HOURS OFF THE CUFF?

hands down, i'm not very knowledgable abt a lot of things nor a big talker, but i like good convos abt pretty much anything (esp if the other person(s) are very talkative)

☆ SOMETHING YOU COLLECT?

books and memories 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

☆ SOMETHING YOU FORGET?

ironically to the last point, i forget fucking everything 😭😭 like some things simply don't stick with me (but then other things rlly fucking stick with me so idek)

☆ WHAT'S YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE?

acts of service!! that's how i show love, i like to receive love by words of affirmation and touch tho

☆ FAVOURITE SHOW/ MOVIE?

many. 25 21, nana, little women, step up (only the first part), howl's moving castle, nosferatu (the most recent one), many more but those are the tops

☆ FAVOURITE FOOD?

i love so much food tbh, but pelmeni are not only nostalgic but also so insanly comforting so i'd pick those over everything every time

☆ FAVOURITE ANIMALS?

hands down everything except for bugs. like i love almost all animals sm, cats are up there tho

☆ ARE YOU MUSICAL?

i LOVE music and everything that is connected to it (dance, performance, singing etc etc) but i can't create music for the life of me

☆ WHAT WERE YOU LIKE AS A CHILD?

veryyyy quiet, shy and a tad weird. i haven't changed that much except that i'm a bit more open and confident, but i'm still very quiet, shy and a tad weird <3

☆ FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

music and art!

☆ LEAST FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

everything else, especially math

☆ WHAT'S YOUR BEST CHARACTER TRAIT?

i think i listen very well, and (as i mentioned before) can make ppl feel seen/ heard by that. also quite self-reflected

☆ WHAT'S YOUR WORST CHARACTER TRAIT?

insecure which sometimes tends to make me treat ppl around me different than i usually would (not worse necessarily, just more reversed which (i always fear) might make them feel unwanted??)

☆ IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANY DETAIL OF YOUR DAY RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

i'd like it to last a bit longer (i started this posted 3 hours ago and wished that then too lol)

☆ IF YOU COULD TRAVEL IN TIME, WHO WOULD IT BE?

i first thought of an old friend of mine, but rethinking that question i would like to meet like, van gogh or some other artist/ poet/ musician who wasn't appreciated in their time and tell them how famous they got. like this is for some reason smth i SOOOO wish was possible and actually very often think abt, like every time i read a biography and such and the artist wasn't appreciated in their time but are now a huge name i'm like 'damn i want them to know this. i want them to know their influence' 😭😭

☆ FIC RECS?

they're all here or on @hwajinslibrary :)

tagging everyone who wants to do this <3

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

9, 42, and 93 for the ask game! <3

9. whats your favorite love language?

putting in effort, wanting to understand, sharing things back and forth, things like that. like. mutual gushing about favorite things. one of the best feelings in the world, to me, is being able to be excited about something with another person and have them actually be interested. not necessarily them being interested in the thing you're(general 'you're') interested in, but interested in their friend. which means being interested in their friend's interests because it's important to the friend. like if i have a friend that's super into something i'm not really that into on my own, them being happy about it will make me more interested in it just because it's them and they love that thing. which makes me also love that thing now because it makes the friend happy and i like to learn what they like about it. it will remind me of them. if i accidentally stumble into an article about a band somebody else likes, i'm more likely to read it now just to have more information on the friend's interest. then i'd have something more to share with them or talk to them about. or i'll sometimes intentionally look it up just to research/listen to it a little to know more(though usually i'm like 'but i want THEM to tell me about it/show it to me instead' but that doesn't happen often). and especially if it progresses into where you can form inside jokes about it and all that because you talk about it together so much? watch/listen to things together and point out favorite parts? acknowledge things about it? it opens up so much to actually take part in something and learn about it, even if just to get to know the friend better. plus it's always good to make friends feel seen and heard and let them know they're important by actually doing things like this to show it and genuinely caring. and by the amount of posts i see on tumblr ALL the time of people being lonely, struggling with social anxiety, feeling like they're annoying everybody(they're not) and having their niche interests nobody else likes/cares about or whatever, a lot of people would probably agree this is a thing they would also want. just friend behavior. [flashbacks to past experiences where i do this with others and then i bring up one thing that i like and they literally tell me 'i don't care' and then continue gushing about their own stuff which turns a potentially good friend experience into a very exhausting not-so-friend experience and also adds to my 'i should never talk about anything i like to anybody ever' fears and the 'don't get too close to anybody because they will use and/or reject you' issues i've had]

42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet?

i want to go to the library by myself to look at books!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this year i swear i'll do it. i'm gonna do it. i'm going there this year. it's library year. i'm gonna actually sit and look at books. and i'm going to talk to that very nice librarian that's there who was very excited that i said i've been wanting to go there. and it's going to be fine, nothing bad can happen. they couldn't POSSIBLY be closed every single time i try to go there AGAIN. there will be no surprise building maintenance. i will know the days and hours they are open. i will not get sick as soon as i plan to go. everything will work out perfectly and i will be able to just have a nice time in the library!!!! THIS IS HOW THIS YEAR IS GOING TO GO FOR ME.

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

MY BELLBOTTOM JEANSSSSS omg they're my favorite, i looooove bellbottoms. i also have a red and black flannel button-up shirt that i love too. and some other button-up shirts like that but the red one is my favorite.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

So we're getting prepped for a decently large move, and it's a little scary and a little overwhelming. So I'm over here letting the tiny librarian in my brain come up with some relevant and comforting stuff, and for some reason she's going with variations on the theme of "My ancestors had it so bad they literally got on a boat with no money and no plan because whatever the hell was on the other side of the ocean has to be better than this." (Yes, we're so Irish it hurts a little.)

So what has my inner librarian kicked up? She started with probably the first books on immigration I ever independently picked up and read:

I, like many tiny humans, picked up AVI for the first time in elementary school My first AVI book was actually Midnight Magic, but one of my elementary school libraries (I went to three elementary schools) had Beyond the Western Sea and Lord Kirkle's Money, and I checked them out multiple times in the two years I was at that school. I am very much lucky enough to not be getting on a boat at 15 with my 12-year-old little brother and while on that boat, I functionally become a single mother of three and then have to work in a sweatshop in America. While also being pursued by an older man with a Shakespeare obsession who I then have VERY conflicted feelings about when he died because our tenement burns to the ground. My move is NOT gonna be that bad. On any level. And having that perspective and that extra life under my belt is super helpful. I kind of wish my copies of these books weren't in my Dad's basement, but they are...so memories and vibes are holding me through for this one.

My inner librarian also thought I might like something that I could actually pick up off my shelf and read, because that's always a helpful thing. So in the theme of "Irish immigrants," we went a little fantasy with it with this next pick:

A little romance, a little immigrant trauma, and a very happy ending with a cute grumpy prince is what A Fragile Enchantment gets me, and I actually do HAVE this book on my shelf. And unlike Niamh, I am not leaving my grandmother pissed off at me because of complicated reasons related to abuse at the hands of a colonizing power. I share the chronic illness and trying to succeed in a new job, but Niamh did it, so we're rolling with I can too.

This was about the point where my inner librarian decided to get even theme-y-er with it and suggested a soundtrack for this mood and these books:

Because yeah. Moving is scary and overwhelming, but it is also eminently doable and I am not fifteen years. So we're gonna let the books buoy us up and we're gonna do this.

[shelterdogswag]

let the festivities commence

aka the intro post

[ last updated: may 12, 2025 ]

be warned this is a long ass post !!! it's not like essential but also like it has info that may be pertinent to you so it's up to you if you wanna read it or not, and not reading it is fine, even if you don't tho i'm going to refer you to it if you ask me something that's in here. ok that being said, let's hop right in, shall we?

table of contents

things about me as a human person

things about this particular blog

plugging my shit

things about you ? potentially ?

closing thoughts

section one: things about me as a human person

hi ! my name is kenzie and my pronouns are usually he/she. as for pronouns, i really don't care a ton about those most of the time, although i will say i don't like they/them for myself. that's not a to say that those pronouns are bad or anything, just not my vibe personally.

i am an adult human being. i'm not very experienced at being one of those, i've been at it for less time than i was in highschool, but still. i know some folks (mostly minors) don't feel comfortable around 18+ people, that's fair and incredibly respectable and i applaud that. if you're not comfy with talking to adults, good on you, but that's does mean for your sake please don't talk to me. with that, you have my full blessing to block me. i say that not out of spite, just like letting you know i won't be offended or anything. you don't need my permission of course, but i was once an anxious teenager, so i know having it helps sometimes.

i am not the most skilled in explaining myself when it comes to the groups that i'm a part of or like spaces i belong to or identities i have or whatever, but i'm gonna try anyhow. i'm a lesbian, trans, aroace, and overall queer. i am white, and middle class by proxy (living with family). i am disabled in a plethora of ways that vary in severity for me; they're also ways that vary in level of stigma, from what i gather. i'm from florida. i'm currently trying to figure out religious or even philosophical stuff; i myself lean heavy towards folk practices and also catholicism, but it changes a lot so as of right now i'm not conclusively anything. i try to be radical in like an anarchistic librarian punk adjacent kind of way, but i don't know a ton about anything so i mostly try to learn from other folks who actually have an understanding of stuff. i don't know how much any of that matters, but honesty is my big virtue so i am trying to be transparent in like a reasonable way.

in terms of things i like or that make me happy or whatever, god there is so much shit i could list, but most of it isn't stuff i actively engage in, as much as i would like it to be. as far as participation goes, i like swimming (just for funsies, i'm trying to take care of myself more and that's the easiest physical activity for me), music (folk mostly, especially of the anti/punk/rock flavors, but other shit too), thoughtful and causal yet artfully done youtube videos (cj the x, savannah brown, frankie's shelf, can i say something?, to name a couple), a handful of fictional media works (i'm trying to get back into reading, right now it's "acts of service" by lillian fishman), and creating things myself (my main mediums rn are notes app poetry, songs, and the occasional doodle). i have other interests tho, like a lot of them, i just have been in such a slump of doing literally nothing all day that it feels like lying to mention them.

jesus christ who let me yap like that ??? here let's have a break and split a sandwich before we move on.

we good ? nourished ? refreshed ? all snacked up and ready to go ? cool let's fucking go.

section two: things about this particular blog

functionally, this blog is going to be a dumping ground, a heart that's full up like a landfill, as the kids say. i am just going to be having a fun silly time, i am not gonna be super targeted in what i post or with what i reblog. this does mean i might get very swingy with tone on here. i am prone to talking about and reblogging politics and my opinions on them, sex and kink and all that, media with a reckless abandon and not a care for spoilers, health and illness related topics of all kinds, and many other things that i cannot possibly foresee right now. if you are not a fan of such things, that is perfectly fine ! and i would urge you to not interact with me on here, because i am notoriously bad at tagging things effectively. your boundaries are good and valid and simultaneously i cannot be the one who upholds them a hundred percent of the time. i don't want to trigger anyone, but i can't reliably prevent that on my end, so peruse my stuff with caution.

as far are organization goes, i tag things in the most useless manner possible, but the recurring subjects are slowly getting featured tags in my archive if you want to look for specific stuff. beyond that it's very much in disarray so good luck.

ok that part was pretty quick, actually ! hell yeah ! but here have a beverage before we move on, i don't want to wear you out too bad lol.

yes i prefer pepsi over coke, yes i'm southern, we exist. let's get goin' now.

section three: plugging my shit

i have another blog specifically for my music shit ! that one is @bandcalledmagnumopera

i have other places i post things for magnum opera (the band name tm) such as instagram, but like right now it's all very loosey goosey and the links are in the side blog so i suggest for now just following the side blog lol

any interest in my creative shit is very much apprecoated! i am rapidly increasing in terms of the amount i'm doing so now is actually a pretty good time to check stuff out !!!!

section four: things about you ? potentially ?

i don't particularly do dni lists- i frankly will just block people if they're super shitty and if not then like i'm sure it's fine- so this is a "omg you share common bits !!! let us befriend :)" list if anything.

we may be more likely to enjoy each other if you:

are a fan of subcultures relating to music, particularly folkpunk and (loosely) riot grrrl but any punk-y stuff bangs

care very deeply about causes and people and such; i'm no expert on any of them but i think having the willingness to learn and the care for people says a lot

enjoy consuming media that's odd or niche or otherwise unusual, i really love finding community around the unconventional

have a passion for the artistic, creative, or expressive

are filled with a simultaneous whimsical childlike wonder and haunted lingering sense of doom

are kind to small creatures oft overlooked (my favorites are rats and voles and shrews)

occasionally take walks and realize that life is worth living, only to forget it the next day

get a kick out of surrealist girlblogger instagram meme accounts and zodiac moodboards and mbti aesthetic posts even tho you are skeptical

are a huge fan of nuance and duality

that's by no means comprehensive, just a sampling to go off of :) now we can get to the final section! you've almost made it, we got this!

section five: closing thoughts

to recap, i am just gonna kinda be going ham on this blog and i want it to be fun and good for my brain, should such a thing be possible. that being said i also want it to be that way for you! so feel free to engage as little or as much as you would feel better with. i pinky swear it's ok.

i think that just about wraps it up! thank you for reading this far, here have a gold star sticker of appreciation <3

[valemya]

🍄🧸 for the asks! :)

thanks for the asks!

🍄 mushroom: tell me about your dr family!

Certainly! In terms of biological family... I went the route 99% of shifters go- they're just not around. Being a jedi and all it would be difficult for them to be present in my life anyway, so to make it easier I just don't really know them because I haven't seen them since before I was taken to the order.

There is one exception though and it's a bit of a weird one tied to my other (star wars rebels) DR, which I have had for a looong time. Basically in that DR Ezra Bridger is my (non-biological) brother, yknow grew up together, lived together the whole deal. I faced a great deal of emotional torment when I decided to create my tcw DR, because I felt like I would be "cheating" on rebels by focusing on another DR. A friend of mine helped me realise it was alright to put that DR on the backburner for a little while, and besides I could just script Ezra in my tcw DR with me? So then came the epiphany I literally could just bring Ezra with me to my new DR, and that was genuinely really comforting and made me feel a lot better about my decision to make the tcw DR.

Anyway boring backstory aside, there is one exception and it's Ezra. The only difference is that in my tcw DR he's my second cousin (and my padawan!!) cause I thought it would be reeeally funny if I was just randomly assigned a padawan that coincidentally had the same last name as me, thinking there was no relation, until one day obi wan goes digging in the jedi archives or something and finds out oh shit! you guys are cousins fr!

Someone: *reading off a report* General Bridger and.... Commander... Bridger? Is that like your son or something?

Ezra and I, at the same time: we are NOT related!!!

Obi wan: ...😶

So that covers the biological side... but I know you're really here for the found family bit. I'd say that I consider just about everyone family, especially all the clones, but I'll rattle off a few really significant people quickly.

My old master Depa is for sure the mother figure in my life. And yes she's still keeping me in check even after I've long passed my trials and officially gotten out of her hair in the eyes of the Order. By extension, Caleb (Kanan) is someone I'd consider like a half-brother and don't worry, I make sure he and Ezra get to hang out a lot.

Obviously growing up with Anakin I'd consider him family too, and that means Obi Wan on some level as well. To me Obi Wan is kind of like a wine aunt. Will not be elaborating further. Ahsoka feels like a niece.

Despite legally becoming my brother-in-laws at some point, I do consider a lot of the clones to be either very close friends or some kind of familial figure I can't really place. Naturally some are closer to me than others such as Rex and the 501st or the Bad Batch, but I think I bond with them all pretty well.

Tech of course holds the most special place in my heart as my future husband.

...I think that covers it...

🧸 teddy: do you have a favourite childhood memory from your dr?

This one actually had me stumped for a while. I honestly, genuinely have not thought about my life before the war too much, certainly not as a child really. If I had a favourite memory of anything from my childhood it would be a toss up between:

When I was a brand new admission to the Order and didn't really know anyone or even my place in it all, I would spend most of my time in the temple library/archives. The lovely librarian Jocasta Nu was super kind to me, and I continued to spend time in there over the years and even kind of wanted to work within that area because of her kindness. Turned out not to be as I got assigned to the war instead, but the memory is still pleasant.

OR

The early days when I was chosen as Depa's padawan. Getting to know her and what she stands for and learning from her and meditating together is just such a nice bonding activity. She's super supportive and a very grounded teacher, and I think my eyes would have been sparkling watching her do all these cool things and then receiving her guidance on these same things until I was able to master them myself. Just so cool. I think she's a great jedi and a great teacher too.

And there you have it! my essay responses to your asks! hope you've enjoyed and thanks again for the submission!

[effypcfc]

Luz Noceda and the Trials of Malphas

Ever wondered how did Luz managed to get Amity's job and staff library card back?

Find out in this one-shot inspired by events from The Owl House Season 2 Episode 5 "Through The Looking Glass Ruins"

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It all happened so fast.

One moment, Amity Blight was helping Luz Noceda sneak into the Forbidden Stacks, a section of the library she worked at, in order to obtain Philip Wittebane’s diary, in the hopes that Luz would also, one day, show her around the human realm. The next, their excursion took a hard turn for the worst after Luz yells at a mouse that has chewed up a significant portion of the book. Malphas, the master librarian, appearing as an ominous monstrosity, grabs Luz and Amity and walks them both out of the library, where he then reverts back to a less-intimidating appearance of a hunch-back, humanoid bird-like being, with glowing yellow eyes, a beak, blue feathers covering his body, and gray wings. He was standing on top of a huge, floating book that read “STAFF” on its spine, purple smoke wafting from underneath. One of his hands covered his face, as he shook his head, in disbelief that he caught one of his best employees, Amity, getting into trouble.

“I'm just, like, super disappointed in you. Like, I can't even process these feelings right now. Gosh, it's so hard for me to say this, but like, you're fired.”, said the librarian. Amity tenses as Malphas magically takes her staff ID. The doors close heavily. Luz and Amity stare at them.

Luz, attempting to apologize, says “Amity, I am so—”

Amity then cuts her off. “Not right now, Luz,” she says, in a disappointed tone, while beginning to tear up. Voice trembling, she continues “Everything's changed since you came here. Being around you, it makes me do stupid things, and I wish it didn't.”

Luz, also tearing up, nearly crying, answers “It's okay. I, uh… I do stupid things around you too, Amity.” Luz has effectively hinted that she likes Amity more than just a friend. She enjoys being with her, spending time with her, and after Amity’s mother Odalia used her as a test subject for their latest line of Abomatons, nearly getting herself killed in the process, is smitten after Amity comes to her rescue that night, getting her mother to undo Luz, Gus Porter, and Willow Park’s expulsion from the Hexside School of Magic and Demonics.

Amity then gasps upon hearing this. "I… think I need to go home." She runs off, heading home.

How could I be so stupid?! I knew this was a bad idea! But... getting that diary meant so much to Luz, but we blew it, and I lost my job! Yeah, maybe I do like her, maybe even more than just a friend. Luz Noceda, that human girl I once thought was some annoying poser. Impulsive Luz, always getting in over her head... but wow, she's determined, optimistic, genuinely kind, why can’t I stop thinking about her this way? She even offered to take me to the Human Realm... Oh Titan, I’ve never felt this way for someone before. Am I really falling for this girl? But still, I can’t believe it cost me my job! I'm such an idiot! What would mom and dad think? What would Ed and Em say?

Amity chastises herself. After what just happened, her mind was racing, tears were welling in her eyes, her face tomato-red in shame, as she heads back home to Blight Manor, hoping nobody could see her. Right now, all she wanted to do was just to confide in someone about these thoughts and feelings she’s having about Luz. She needs counsel from someone who’s been through these same things growing up…

Emira, she thought. Maybe Em can understand...

Back at the library, Luz, shamefully realizing she has hurt Amity’s feelings by getting her fired, cries, then takes a breath, slicks her hair back, and says to herself “Nada funcionará a menos que lo haga funcionar,” which means “Nothing will work unless you make it work,” in Spanish. Just like mamá used to tell me, she thought. She was a girl on a mission, to discover more about Philip Wittebane and the secrets to creating another portal door back to the Human Realm, and just recently, to win Amity’s affections. How stupid of me to get Amity fired. I can’t let this one slide! Now I’ll never make my way into her heart after this… I’ve got to make this right!, Luz thinks. She squares her shoulders and walks back into the library.

As Luz returns to the library, she has her eyes set out for Malphas. Whatever it takes, I need to get Amity her job back. She was only helping me out, and it’s not fair to leave her like this. I need to make this right, whatever it takes.

She eventually finds herself in Malphas’ office. Luz, not wasting any time, tells Malphas “Mr. Malphas…sir?,” she then introduces herself formally “I’m Luz. Luz Noceda. I’m a friend of Amity, and I humbly request that you please give Amity her job back. She was only helping me get a diary that was donated that’d help me travel back to the Human Realm where I’m from, and it’s my fault I got her fired. I yelled at this rat… thing that ate up the pages of his book, while we were sneaking around the Forbidden Stacks.” Luz paused, as she realized she was rambling, and might not be making any sense. She took another deep breath to compose herself, and continued “Point is, it’s not fair to Amity, and I need to make it up to her. I need to get her her job back.”

Malphas, upon hearing Luz’s story, responds “Ugh, that was, like, so dumb of you…,” he then sighs in exasperation, and continues “Very well. After all, Amity was, like, one of our best employees here, and I really appreciate that she’s passionate about reading to children. I never thought she would deliberately get herself in trouble.”

Malphas then begins to scratch his chin, thinking what would be the best way for Luz to prove herself, then says “Since you’re the reason Amity was fired, I think you should do some things for me, just for today. Like, I found it hard to get someone to take over Amity’s other tasks after she left... But first, you must undergo the Trials of Malphas, named after myself, of course.”

Curious, Luz asks “The… Trials of Malphas?”

“Yes. Came up with them myself, as a test to determine how worthy someone is to work in this library. Amity went through these very same trials and passed. Not surprising, since she’s the top student at Hexside, after all.”

Little miss perfect. Cool and smart, Luz thinks to herself, blushing slightly, in admiration of Amity.

“The trials involve me peering into your mind to learn more about your character, your experiences, and your actions interacting with other people, things, and events that happened,” Malphas explains. “Are you ready?”

Mind-reading to see how worthy am I to be a library employee? Kinda creepy, to be honest, Luz thinks. “Nope, but let’s do it anyway,” said Luz, determined, swinging her right fist sideways towards her left. For Amity, whatever it takes,��went her mind.

Malphas’ eyes then began to glow, then he cast a blue spell circle. The last thing Luz saw was Malphas zooming into her eyes, then everything went blurry. Malphas, looking into her mind, sees Luz’s life as a student back in the Human Realm, her wild creative choices and exploits. She saw her onstage, enacting a scene in a play. "O happy dagger, give me death!" Luz declares, enacting a disembowelment, stabbing herself with a plastic spork and tossing links of raw sausage out of her midsection in place of actual organs, with the audience reacting in shock and disgust, her mother Camila laughing, saying “Her father taught her that!” in glee. They then both see a memory of her persuading Principal Bump to allow her to study all 9 tracks of magic, then the first time she learns the light glyph, getting into her first witches’ battle ever against Amity, then consoling her shortly she gets embarassed after after it was revealed that both of them were cheating, no thanks to the Clawthorne sisters Eda and Lilith, their respective mentors. Luz then shows her how she casts the light spell, drawing the glyph onto a notepad and tapping it. Her mind then rushes to the memory of her teaching Eda and Lilith how to perform glyph magic, once their magic abilities has been exhausted, rendering them both powerless.

“You have the potential to be a great teacher of glyph magic, Luz. Like, make a career out of it. Have you ever considered that?,” Malphas asks. Bashfully, Luz replies “I… may have considered it, once or twice.”

Luz’s mind rushes next to her first encounters with her friends. Malphas sees Luz meeting Willow and Gus for the first time, Luz posing as Willow’s abomination, saving Gus and Matt Tholomule from Hexside’s deadly detention pit, befriending Amity and helping her fix Willow’s memories in her mind, taking Amity’s place as Grom Queen, dancing with her as they beat the monster together, challenging Boscha to a Grudgby match in an effort to stop them from bullying her, Willow, and Gus. Next, her mind flashes back to when she squares off against Lilith and eventually allies herself with them in order to save Eda from petrification, blowing up the portal suitcase in the process, her only way home…

Malphas then exits Luz’s mind, then notices Luz has fallen unconscious. He rouses Luz, and tells her “You’re a misfit. A weirdo. But you’re very creative and expressive. You also have a knack for getting yourself into trouble. But I can see that you’re fiercely loyal to your friends and family, and I admire that. Like, seriously, you’ve got heart, kid. You pass.”

Luz, joyous upon hearing Malphas’ observations, jumps while pumping her fist, exclaiming “Yes!,” and Malpas quickly shushed her. “This is a library, don’t forget,” he reminded Luz.

After the trials were over, Malphas then instructed Luz to sort crates of newly-ordered books properly, according to their respective categories. Malphas, however, warned Luz that some of the books are man-eating ones, and that the library will not be held responsible for any injuries she may sustain. Luz shuddered in horror, noticing some books with teeth and claws lining their covers, bound shut by belts of leather, with pages ripped here and there, some even specked with bloodstains. Whoever unfortunate souls got their limbs chewed up by these books, she didn’t want to know how it happened. Luz sorted the books as instructed; fiction, non-fiction, songs and odes to the Titan, the history of The Boiling Isles, poetry, reference, all taking great care not to get bitten, but she still suffered a few scratches from some of the books.

After Luz recovered from the trouble of sorting the books as instructed, she was then tasked to tame a paper dragon, kept away in the lower levels of the library. Malphas then described how the paper dragon came to be, after some fool cursed a couple of books to have their pages rip themselves out and reassemble in the monstrous form of a 4-winged beast that towered at least 15 feet high, he describes.

“Since you’re human and have no inherent magical ability due to the lack of a bile sac, I understand you do glyph magic, am I correct?,” Malphas asks, and Luz nods in affirmation.

“The paper dragon can only be distracted if it is fed ink, as it will fall asleep shortly afterwards, but, like, for a short time only. Once you’ve tamed the beast, I need you to stick this glyph onto it,” he hands Luz a square sheet of parchment, written on it was a glyph she’s never seen before. “It’s a rare ancient glyph, whose effect is to dissipate any curse that causes inanimate objects to assemble themselves into a monstrous form.” Luz then takes out her smartphone and takes a quick picture of the glyph for her to copy once she gets back home to Eda and the rest.

“Got it, I’m ready!” Luz says, in anxious determination to face the beast. Every task done is one more step to getting Amity her job back!

Luz then descends into the lower rooms of the library, armed with nothing but a 20-gallon glass tank of ink and her pre-written glyphs ready in her pocket, Luz found herself in the entrance of a dimly-lit hall as wide as a football field, its ceiling as high as a theater's, lined with numerous 15-foot tall bookshelves, save for the space that the paper dragon takes up. The smell of mold and musty old books filled Luz’s nose.

The paper dragon was around as long as 3 school buses, and stood over Luz as tall as a Grudgby goal post. Its head was long and crocodilian, and lined with spikes of increasing length from its snout all the way to its eyelids. Its limbs were stout but muscular, its claws as long as chef’s knives, which all looked capable of doing more than just tiny paper cuts. Its skin resembled that of actual dragon scales, only that they were all patterned in a way that made it look like a living, breathing papier-mâché sculpture. It had 4 bat-like wings, all of which were folded. This big boy ain’t flying anywhere.

Luckily, the beast was preoccupied, its snout sniffing around the shelves behind it. Might be getting something to eat, Luz thinks, trying to reassure herself. Carefully, she tips the large glass ink container into a large metal basin, since her weak nerd arms are unable to lift the vessel, and carefully backs away so as to not catch the creature’s attention. The dragon should smell the ink by now, Luz thought, as she slowly crept towards one of the adjacent shelves to hide herself behind. She peeked at the dragon from one of the gaps between the books and the shelf, seeing that it’s making its way to the metal container. “It really was hungry,” she whispered to herself as the dragon ravenously lapped up the dark liquid. Shortly after, once the metal basin was emptied, the dragon lumbered its way back to its nest consisting of toppled and crushed shelves, and went to sleep.

“Now’s my chance. Come on, Luzura, let’s finish this, for Amity,” whispered Luz once more, pulling out the parchment sheet from her back pocket of her shorts. Gently, she tiptoed towards the sleeping beast, unaware of the rat skeleton she was about to step on, but then it was too late.

Luz’s foot has crushed bone, and with a resounding crack, the dragon opened one of its eyes and took notice of the human creeping up to it. It fully arose, snapping its maw at Luz, who dodged it in record time, the dragon’s teeth nearly snagging onto her shirt. Without thinking, Luz pocketed the parchment glyph, pulled out one of her own handwritten glyphs, held her breath, and slapped the piece of paper onto herself, becoming invisible to the creature. Oh Titan, I need to hold on, she thought, making a beeline for the farthest bookshelf away from the beast.

The dragon was on the prowl, seeming eager to taste human flesh, its long, muscular tail knocking over bookshelves at random. Luz had been so focused on the creature, she did not notice the wall near her was made entirely of some kind of precious jewel, and it reflected her image so well.

Luz then screamed in horror, as the dragon finally saw the reflection, charging towards it full speed ahead, only to crash headfirst into the gemstone wall, knocking itself out instantly. “Heh, just like in that movie ‘Dino Land,’ who would’ve thought that’d work?,” Luz said to herself, breathing a sigh of relief. Quickly, she pulled out the parchment she pocketed, slapped the dragon with it, and the glyph glowed a mix of bright blue and warm orange. It was using Illusion and Construction magic, like it could sense what made the curse! Luz’s eyes widened in amazement, then shortly, the dragon let out one last roar before it exploded in a mess of bright flashing light and scattering paper, which then zipped back to various books around the hall, reattaching themselves to where they were torn from, flying fast enough that some of the pages ended up grazing Luz in the cheek.

That was not fun, she thought, as she felt the sting from the paper cuts on her face.

Shortly after, she quickly dashed back to Malphas’ office, panting in exertion, wiping beads of sweat off her forehead before they made their way to the cuts on her face. Calling Malphas’ name, she informs him she has successfully vanquished the paper dragon, its soul free of its fibrous anchor.

“Wow, that's awesome! You’ve done well, Luz. Thanks!” said Malphas, creating a spell circle with one of his clawed fingers, then Amity’s staff card came out of one of the shelves in his office. “Good thing you got here soon. I couldn’t keep the rats from gnawing at it, like, they’re honestly so annoying. Also, I didn’t think that parchment glyph would still work, like, it’s really old and crusty. I felt like the magic embedded in it has started to leave.” “Oh!” Luz blurted, then awkwardly laughed upon hearing this. Farts, I could’ve died back there! What a relief it worked!

She then took Amity’s card hovering in front of Malphas seated on his desk, noticing the corners have been damaged, but Amity’s name, picture, and position as staff is still intact. “Tell Amity she can report back tomorrow. I’ll be expecting her,” Malphas told Luz.

“Thank you so much Mr. Malphas, sir! I’m sure Amity would be glad to be back!,” exclaimed Luz.

“But don’t you two dare get into any more trouble, or I’ll feed you to the bookworms.” Malphas added, in a firm tone, albeit half-joking. “And don’t pretend I haven’t noticed that you walk her home almost every night after her shift. Honestly, I think it’s sweet of you. Like, I can see why Amity likes you. She doesn’t say it, but she thinks you’re cool,” says Malphas, clicking his tongue while making a finger-gun gesture towards Luz, who then feels flustered at the mention of Amity and their friendship so far.

Luz then hurries back to Blight Manor, the sun has already begun to set on the Boiling Isles, painting her surroundings a blend of orange and purple. She doesn’t notice the lightly-colored mouse that clung to the back of her shirt, the very same mouse that chewed up Philip’s diary in the first place.

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and you all know how the rest of the story goes. ;)

[autisticgirliesbracket]

What makes Ayda Aguefort from Dimension 20: Fantasy High the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Ayda-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a picture of Ayda on the left. On the right are many MANY text boxes which read,

"It's canonical, but outside of the official stuff, she's struggled all of her life (lives) with not understanding subtext to the point where screwing it up is one of her greatest fears, she made her crush sign an NDA before admitting that she liked her, and she was so concerned about her paramour (she calls Fig her paramour) that she considered sending fantasy memos to every single plane of existance telling everyone to be nice to her or she'd kill them, and the she made good on that threat by drowning hell, which could just be normal but feels like an autistic swag moment."

"She’s canonically autistic. She runs a library on a pirate island, she’s a half phoenix pirate wizard, she has an entire section in her library dedicated to books on how to make friends, she loves her friends, she loves her girlfriend, she has no control over her tone of voice, she constantly sounds angry, her best friend made her a spell called “Ayda’s comprehend subtext” so that she wouldn’t feel left out of conversations, she tried to flood hell for her girlfriend, I relate to this woman on a personal, spiritual and emotional level."

"she's canon!!! they say she's autisticit in the show!!! she's super monotone and blunt (but SO kind), she can't understand subtext/is super literal, she's very transactional in how she thinks and behaves. later in the show, her best friend invents a spell to help her understand subtext! they MAKE HER A DISABILITY AID FOR HER AUTISM!!! she's so full of love, she's so smart, she's learning how to have friends for the first time, even though she experiences things differently than them. i love her."

"Ayda is canon autistic. She's a librarian on a pirate ship city. She's a lesbian phoenix. Her autism leads to humorous moments but she's never the butt of the joke. AND she has a super cool rockstar gf <3"

"she was incredibly autistic-coded right from the first introduction of her character, she has trouble understanding hidden meanings to statements and prefers to just bluntly say what she means, she has trouble expressing her feelings in a way that she wants to, she struggles with social situations, she dedicated an entire room of her library just to books about friendship because she really wants to have friends, and she's half phoenix and is reborn when she dies. also there was so much positive response to her and so many questions about her being autistic that brennan then went and did some research to better understand autism and made her explicitly autistic in cannon (like, says the word out loud in character, very direct). also she's gay and dating one of the player characters and they are incredible and fig loves her not just in spite of the things that ayda perceives as bad things about herself (related to autism making things like social stuff hard for her) but for them, because they are part of her and she loves all of her just for being her. also i love her so much and her character arc is so important to me of accepting that there isn't anything wrong with her, she's just different because she's autistic but that's not a bad thing and she can find friends (and a girlfriend!) that love her for exactly who she is."

"She's canonically autistic! she generally misunderstands social cues (always admits it and asks for them to be explained to her which is iconic behaviour, I wish I could shoot that straight lol), often speaks in a monotone and uses minimal facial expressions, is a librarian (autistic ass career), hasn't had any luck friends prior to the story (but now her gf and bff are super supportive and great!) and is a Huge Nerd (very intelligent)"

"She canonically has autism! She's a wizard whose special interest is spells and the history of magic and she lives in a library that she runs by herself. Despite the DM Brennan not having autism (to my knowledge at least idk) he does a really good job playing her without dehumanizing her and she's a beloved NPC by the cast and fans alike. Also she has a girlfriend :)"

"Canonically autistic!! She is very blunt and transactional with others, even close loved ones, takes things very literally, and is normally extremely stoic and intense as her resting emotion (but gets very excited about magic + her new friends!). None of her autistic traits are ever seen as negative, and she is celebrated by all her friends for being the way she is! She wasn't specifically written to be autistc, but as the show was coming out many fans were asking if she was, and since this season came out live over the course of months, the DM added a whole section about her realizing she's autistic + her loved ones supporting her and helping her find ways to express herself and exist comfortably. There's also just something very autistic about wizards idk."

"Canon autistic black lesbian teenage pirate librarian. Look at those words and tell me what’s not to love. Has a cool devil girlfriend. Makes her sign a contract after they kiss. Best friends with anxiety wizard. Incepted “fascinating” into my vocabulary. I love her."

"She canonically autistic!!!!!! She was confirmed in the last episode of the show she’s in but leading up to that she’s shown to misunderstand social cues and have formal ways of speaking and special interests in wizardry. She’s very self conscious about this and struggles with it throughout the show and the thing that’s so important about her to me is that so many people love her. So many people see her how she is and they think it’s wonderful and perfect. Ayda gets to have a cute teen romance with her cool girlfriend just like anyone else. I adore her. She’s a phoenix, she’s a lesbian, and she’s autistic, perfect woman."

"Ayda is a black lesbian, clearly shown to be deeply emotional and caring despite her flat affect, hyper-aware and anxious of her social awkwardness (rather than being comically oblivious), never infantilized, capable of having strong friendships and relationships, who is also confirmed autistic in canon without it being an offhand joke. She is also a half-phoenix divination wizard and the librarian of the Compass Points Library which is located in Leviathan (a vast pirate city made up of thousands of shipwrecks all connected together to create a floating island). In the epilogue of the final episode of Dimension 20: Fantasy High Sophomore Year, Brennan (the DM) narrates that Ayda is diagnosed with autism by the school’s therapist/counselor. Finding language for her experiences clearly brings her great relief, as she seems to finally have context for her place in the world. In the first episode of Adventuring Party, Dimension 20’s talkback show, Brennan stated that he “wanted to model her after the Sherlock archetype,” of a person who is “brilliant and goodhearted… but not necessarily existing on that social level,” through a lens that audiences never get to see: a Black lesbian. She was not intended to be autistic initially, but soon after her creation, he realized—through the audience questioning if Ayda was autistic—that she was modeled after his friends with ASD who are also “very academic and intense in that way,” and decided to do research to make her representation more accurate and nuanced. She has an entire section of her library dedicated to friendship. The books in it have advice like "give your friends oranges so they don't get scurvy" because it was written by pirates. Because she thinks naming spells after yourself is arrogant but having a spell named after you is awesome she invented a spell as a gift for her friend. It's called Adaine's Furious Fist and lets you channel rage and arcane power into a supercharged punch that you could hypothetically use to absolutely wreck your abusive father. And in return Adaine invents Ayda's Comprehend Subtext, which aids the caster in understanding implied but not stated communication. All of this: Link!"

Continued,

"confirmed as autistic in canon! she has a very monotone yet intense way of speaking. she feels emotion quite strongly but usually has a neutral expression. she'll frequently ask for clarifications about what is normal or expected in a given social situation (which surrounding characters always answer without judgement or teasing). she's stated that she knows she thinks and experiences the world differently than most people, but doesn't understand why this is until the end of the series when she's able to learn about other people like her"

"canonically autistic!! speaks bluntly and plainly and often asks for subtext explanations. rejection sensitivity is a theme that is explored for here and it is very important to me :) also in a beautiful adhd/autie relationship!! she is one of my fav blorbos and I get emotional thinking abt her"

"It’s canon!!! In the finale she’s holding books on autism and crying saying “this is normal” and her best friend makes her a wizard spell called “ayda’s comprehend subtext” to help her out. It’s adorable and I love Ayda sm. shes a half-phoenix who cries fire and she loves her girlfriend so much they’re adorable❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥" End ID.]

[narukoibito]

Ah, I want to ask about all of them for the WIP game!! Can I be greedy and ask about Unravel Me and Librarian Harry? And the FWB one 😅

You CAN! Your excitement excites me! 💖 It makes me want to write them!

Unravel Me

I'm still stuck on chapter 7 (gahhhh). I have a draft and everything, but something still isn't fully clicking yet. Here is a snippet that may or may not make the final cut:

Ginny cut through his hesitation and bridged the gap between them. Her lips brushed against his, a seeming invitation that made him shiver. He could taste the extra sugar in her latte that chased away the bitterness left on his tongue. As she retreated, he pressed forward, deepening the kiss.  He was never meant to be this lucky. Finding a magical world where he belonged came with being hunted by the darkest wizard of his time. Finding Sirius only led to losing him.  Harry couldn’t help but wonder what the might cost him.

Librarian Harry

This is my muggle!librarian!Harry and witch!Ginny story, in which they meet at the library Harry working part-time at to pay for his meager apartment and student debt. Fresh out of Hogwarts, Ginny is working for her dad in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office after a curse during the war prevented her from trying to be a professional Quidditch player. Here are some previously shared snippets!

And okay, so this is so out of context but I really loved the comedy at play with Ginny being super bad at knowing common Muggle things, like:

"What’s that?" The alarm in her voice made him snap back, his fingers nearly fumbling the packet. “Oh, erm,” Harry said, flustered, “a, a condom. Don’t worry, it’s new — not expired or anything,” he added with a cringe because he really wasn’t sure what else could be bothering her about it. He wasn’t exceptionally experienced, but he wasn’t one to just carry a wrapper around all the time, hoping beyond hope. Ginny pulled back with both fascination and caution, glaring at the shiny wrapper as if it could detonate at any moment. “What's it for?” He blinked.

(Do I want to write the story just for these moments? ...Yes. Yes I want to write about Ginny setting his microwave on fire.)

muggle au fwb

Still untitled, but this is the OTHER FWB fic I have had in my brain even before Unravel Me. It's a muggle au, childhood friends, college au, friends with benefits mash-up, but very different feel from Unravel Me (I swear). Much more build-up in their more intimate moments.

Previously shared snippets. And a new one:

Harry leans in, slow and tentative. He has kissed his fair share of girls at this point, but his heart has never thumped so painfully against his ribs before. He can’t help but take her in, that pretty pink on her cheeks, the freckles he’s never seen so up close, the way those freckles trickle down her collarbone. Her chest rising and falling to match her short breaths. The air feels different between them, the tension almost painful as he hovers, suddenly hesitant, the space between them dangerously small. He can’t feel the heat of her breath intermingle with his own. What if this is a mistake? What if this changes something between them? More than her other kiss already has? Her eyes flutter, and her brown eyes gaze up at him through her copper eyelashes. “Harry?” The whisper of her breath ghosting over his lips. It’s the uncertainty in her voice that does it for him. Ginny is always so sure, so confident, unyielding and back straight through every challenge. Hearing her sound so small ignites a fierce protectiveness in him that he couldn’t reign in if he wanted to. “I’m here,” he murmurs back.

GOD I forgot how much yearning is in this one. asjfakg can someone please write it so I can read it?

I hope you enjoyed these!!! Feel free to send me asks on any of my WIPs!