#as a book fan it’s my mission to buy all the versions in all the languages if possible xD

[lilianhuas]

Just received my English translation copy of Zhenhun … the artwork is so pretty!

[felassan]

Mark Meer: "Dropped by the @/Modiphius booth at @/Gen_Con to check out their new @/masseffect board game! Thanks for having me, folks. 😎 #/GenCon2024 #/MassEffect" [source] Modiphius: "It was a pleasure having you stop by! So glad you liked the minis" [source] --- Calvin Wong Tze Loon, board game co-designer: "hi devon! hope we can meet one day, was lovely working on the game" [source] Devon Gardner, Consumer Products Licensing Manager at BioWare Edmonton: "I hope so too! Had so much fun working on the game, your knowledge and revence for the Mass Effect universe was/is inspiring. :) Surreal to see it all out there with people playing!" [source] Calvin: "listen how else are we to spread the gospel of calibrations" [source]

Some more from the upcoming Mass Effect board game, which had playable demos at Gen Con this weekend just past. :) the rest of this post is under a cut due to length.

The game will be $50 (they were aiming for $40 but didn't make it) and is co-op but also one player. the game contains 12 dice, 2 books, 5 character sheets, like 40 cards, 6 minis (for painting if you like), tokens and a rulebook. the game will also be available in Spanish. the game includes calibrations hh. they hope to release in "Novemberish"/Q4. it also sounds like they plan to create expansions for it!

it sounds like everyone who played the game at Gen Con during the demos loved it! co-designer of the board game Calvin Wong Tze Loon (who designed things such as abilities and lore for it) shared some insights about the creation of the game, and the feedback folks who played it at the con had, on Twitter:

"'even people who didn't play mass effect liked it' this makes me so happy because this was one of our target audiences. people who enjoy games but aren't necessarily fans of the series. aaaaaaaaaa" [source] "'solved many problems the genre typically struggles with' also really proud of this. as huge tactics nerds Eric and I are always trying to sand down issues that get between the player and the game. clunky line of sight. long set up. lots of admin and bookkeeping." [source] "'got to do [classic thing favorite character does] what more can you ask for' i put many, many, many hours into the character abilities. this was really hard. asymmetric but balanced. accurate to the video game but simple and intuitive. play well off each other, replayable..." [source] "'the mechanics and paragon/renegade represent mass effect so well' one of the biggest compliments i got is that everyone who's worked on this game whether at modi or bioware cannot wait to get their copies so they can keep playing it." [source] "there's a type of person who will see this box and go fuck yeah take my money, no questions asked but we still wanted them to feel like they got their moneys worth with it. we crammed this box about as full as we could but we worked super hard to make the experience easy and fun" [source] "we worked really hard to make the game as replayable and enjoyable as possible whether on playthrough 1 or 10. we know mass effect players love to replay the game over and over so we built that in from the start." [source] "when we started making the game out target was actually 40 dollars so it would be so absurdly cheap people would just impulse buy it but we didn't manage to get there" [source] "seriously i can't wait for people to play it" [source] "mordin was planned but we had to cut him because dev time was pretty short and also we ran out of space for his mini on 1 mould :(" [source] "god i spent SO many hours on the ability design but it's one of my favorite things to do so that's fine. i'm so glad it paid off. shepard's ability alone had like 20 versions" [source] "one of our goals for this game was to take the things we personally found were 'getting in the way' from tactics games and present solutions. 'find tile 13A'->map book. make campaigns short&replayable instead of 'see you in 6months for mission 2'. super long teaches." [source] "eric paid super extra attention to the graphics cause the game is pretty complex we wanted minimum friction in terms of ux" [source] Gavin Dady, Senior Project and Process Manager at Modiphius, also commented - "We also wanted to make not just a Mass Effect game, not just a good game, but a good Mass Effect game. Everybody involved said early on that it had to be an authentic Mass Effect experience and, gosh darn it, I think it is." [source] "We have review copies heading for the local relays in the next couple of weeks. Some are already in transit with Quarian fast couriers using hot-tuned drives." [source] "We've worked very hard to make sure it's not just a good game, or a Mass Effect game, but a good Mass Effect game. It's a franchise that is close to my heart too (I'm the project manager and visionary) so we spent a long time making sure we got it right." [source]

[other post sources: source, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen]

[m-jelly]

Can I request a One shot of-

Aot actor levi finding out YN secret stash of merchandise of himself. Like ranging from chibi figure to those very detailed expensive figure even the body pillows and somehow that life size Levi statue.

Due to his fame, Levi would often be away for a few days to film things or do something linked to his job. So, you would be holding down the fort at your shared home if you didn't go with him. Going to the sets with him was enjoyable and he would ask you to go with him because he found it incredibly hard to be apart from you, and you felt the same.

This time because Levi was away for a short while you didn't go with him. The two of you deeply missed each other and Levi made it his mission to get home to you as soon as possible. When he arrived home he looked for you, but he couldn't see you anywhere.

Normally, you would be in the family room playing games, reading a book or watching something. He started checking every room in the house, even the ones he never used at all because there was nothing in there of his.

The last room he checked was your nerdy room, it was full of your collectables, cuddly toys and manga. Levi often didn't come into this room because it was your cute little sanctuary, like he had his cleaning room where he got to clean all sorts. The two of you had cuddled, kissed and done naughty things in your room but it's normally when you invite him in.

He opened the door and slipped inside, but you weren't in there either. Confusion took over at where you'd gone and what you were up to. He thought that while he was in your room he would look around. First, he looked at your manga and thought you had a great collection and he has read a few of them as well.

Then he saw it.

For a while, Levi just stared at it and then he just had to grab it. Staring and touching a little figure of himself was odd. He was curious why you had this in the first place. After putting it down he saw the next figure and then the next and even a few posters. It was becoming clear that you had a fair few merch with him on.

"Levi!"

He turned and gazed at you. "Love."

You shook a little and looked scared. "I-I can e-explain." You welled up and held back sobs. "I just...I want to support you. I-I'm a big fan o-of your work." You rubbed your tears. "I probably creep you out."

Levi wrapped his arms around you. "No, no you don't. I was a little surprised. My mum buys all my stuff too." He hummed a laughed. "You buy this because you support me, right?"

You nodded. and sniffed. "Yes."

He cupped your face. "And because you love me."

"Yes, and because you're so handsome and cute." You hurried over to a chibi Levi. "Look! Adorable." You giggled. "It makes me think about kids." You cleared your throat as you saw Levi blush. "A-Anyway, I collect because I'm a fan. I want to support you and I love you." You picked up a cuddly toy Levi. "I love you a lot, Levi. I'm so proud of you. I thought you'd think I'm creepy for this and want to run."

He shook his head. "I think it's sweet." He pulled the cuddly toy from you. "Ah, but no cuddling this stuff when I'm around."

"Because it's weird?"

He picked you up and hugged you. "No, because you have the real deal in front of you." He smiled up at you. "Why cuddle the fake me when you can touch, kiss and love the real me."

You showered his face with kisses. "You're right. I get the real Levi Ackerman. I get to kiss and cuddle you all night long."

He purred a little. "Fuck yes." He gasped a bit. "You know, now I know about this collection I can get you first editions."

You gasped. "First...what?"

He chuckled as he carried you. "Well, I get to see the first versions of everything. Now I know you collect things to do with me I will start bringing them home to you."

You squealed in delight. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome." He carried you to the bedroom. "Now, I think you should explore your one and only original Levi Ackerman." He sat on the bed. "What do you think?"

You giggled. "Yes please."

@ladycheesington @levisbrat25 @nyxiieluna @li-anne @galactict3a

@youre-ackermine @thebobaprincess @2moth-anon2 @cypidity @nbinairyn

@bts-spnlvr12 @darkstarlight82 @emilyyyy-08 @levistealeaf @pelicanpizza

@hideandgopeep @notgoodforlife @demonic-bird @searriously

[eddie-redmayne-italian-blog]

Inside The Day of the Jackal, Eddie Redmayne and Lashana Lynch’s ambitious new hitman series

GQ speaks to the cast and crew behind Sky’s reimagination of the classic Frederick Forsyth assassin novel

By Jack King26 July 2024

1973’s The Day of the Jackal is one of those classic thrillers that dads pass down as a rite of passage. Failing that, you might’ve caught it on ITV 2 on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Edward Fox plays the titular Jackal, a killer for hire who is commissioned by the French militant far-right to assassinate president Charles de Gaulle in 1963. The film’s first act savours his scrupulous attention to detail: buying a bespoke rifle that can be broken down into innocent parts, and fake documents from a forger, for example, who he murders with his bare hands after an ill-judged extortion attempt. He’s a shapeshifting lone wolf — well, jackal — we learn little about, aside from how good he is at killing people.

Such a rich character whose mark is felt on no end of hitman movies (see David Fincher’s 2023 genre homage The Killer) is ripe for reinterpretation. Not that it went especially well last time: the last, loose attempt to contemporise The Day of the Jackal came in 1997, starring Bruce Willis and Richard Gere, and the critics called it a dud. But 27 years later, Sky & Peacock have armed up for their own present-day reimagination of the source material, thrusting the Jackal into our fraught world of political division and ever-present global danger. The script was written by Top Boy writer Ronan Bennett, and the series executive produced by Downton Abbey's Gareth Neame and Nigel Marchant, alongside its stars Eddie Redmayne and Lashana Lynch.

“We both loved the book, and we saw the film when we were kids — I’ve seen the film many times through my life, and always really respected it,” Neame, alongside Marchant, tells GQ. While they were at first cautious to tackle source material that carries with it such esteem, to expand the story across episodic TV seemed too good an opportunity to turn down. “It’s such an iconic, gripping story, that to revisit that in a contemporary context, with all the benefits of a multi-episodic show … we thought that would be really interesting to take this much-respected IP and develop it this way.”

Marchant concurs. “I think that [this] kind of title is in so many peoples’ consciousness … And then yeah, what’s the benefit of telling this with a bigger canvas?”

Marcell Piti/SKY/Carnival

The most obvious difference about this version is that it takes place in the modern world. “If we’d stayed in the past, why do it? You can’t better the film,” Neame says. But in classic The Day of the Jackal style, Redmayne’s hitman still rocks up to more European cities than a gap year interrailer.

And so we begin the series with the Jackal in Munich. Not that we immediately recognise him: he is decked out in wrinkly prosthetics, fake hair, and wears contacts and fake teeth, disguised as an elderly German janitor. This is his way past security and into the campaign headquarters of a divisive far-right demagogue, for the purposes of a mission that we daren’t spoil further. Once he has done what he needed to do — ruthlessly dispatching half the staff with a silenced pistol en route — he makes a daring escape by absailing from the roof, just as the police arrive. So, to illustrate the vibe: think Mission Impossible meets Daniel Craig’s Bond, if he went really rogue.

It’s not a one-to-one adaptation, but fans of the original text and film needn’t worry — there’s a distinct air of reverence for them both throughout, and this version broadly covers the same plot beats, though the story is expanded for TV. As for the Jackal himself, Redmayne’s performance both evokes Fox’s classic turn and feels of his own making. “[Fox’s] performance will always be in my mind, because I loved it so much as a kid,” Redmayne tells GQ. “But at the same time, I wanted the audience to be able to oscillate between this sociopathic coldness, and a human being who wants a life, and happiness.” He points to Natalie Humphries’ costume design as an explicit example of homage. “She spoke specifically about the kind of dandy, slight peacock-y quality of the [original] movie, and how we wanted to keep those elements,” Redmayne says.

“If you know the original [film], you get these Easter eggs through the show — even some of the lines are exact matches, and scenes were shot literally shot-for-shot from the original,” Marchant says. “So there are treats along the way if you know it, which felt important to us [with] our love of the original as well.”

Some time after that first job, the familiar story begins, after a mysterious would-be client on the dark web offers the Jackal retirement-grade money for the biggest hit of his career. (Given the contemporary setting, the target obviously isn’t Charles de Gaulle, but that’s as much as we’re allowed to reveal.) And throughout the series, in another noticable departure from the source material, we delve into the Jackal’s backstory and the whys and wherefores of his chosen career path. (Again, I’d love to say more, but there’s a red laser dot hovering over my chest and I value my life.) Redmayne was initially cautious about digging too far into the Jackal’s background — traditionally, the whole point is that you know nothing about him — but was won over by the script.

“Edward Fox’s performance is so brilliant because it’s two and a half hours of [an] extraordinarily charismatic enigma,” Redmayne says. “So my challenge, as a fan of that, was to go, Wait, I only want to take this on if I feel like there is a way that unpacking [the backstory] doesn’t feel glib.”

The chance to explore the Jackal’s past, Neame says, was always the point. “We knew right from the beginning that we wouldn’t make a 10 part television series where the main character is only ever a ghost,” he says. “So that’s where the whole idea of the private life, the personal life — the fact that he’s trying to juggle this extraordinary professional world with a normal lifestyle [came from].” Later on in the series, Neame notes, another character tells him what should’ve probably been blindingly obvious: in this line of work, a healthy worThe Day of the Jackal isn’t just about the titular contract killer, of course. Much of the story unfolds as a thrilling cat and mouse, as hot on the Jackal’s heels is the Sherlock to his murderous Moriarty, French detective Claude Lebel, played in 1973 by Michel Lonsdale. In this new adaptation, the character is reimagined as a wily MI6 agent, Lashana Lynch’s Bianca, whose counter-terrorism training and firearms expertise make her the Jackal’s ideal foil. (Despite the connection you might make to one of Lynch’s more recent roles, this grounded, bureaucratic vision of His Majesty’s secret service bears little resemblance to Bond.)k/life balance just isn’t sustainable.

“When you have a character that is in either a powerful position, or works for a powerful organisation, there is this danger that happens whereby women get boxed into one of two things: either the strong one, or the damsel in some way. Both of them are actually unfair,” Lynch says. “The Bianca that I read in the first three episodes was someone who had a strength that was born from vulnerability, had confusion [around] her own identity and her meaning to her work … There was so much within her world, and within her being, that felt like a real person.”

Bianca is seen as an irritating disruptor by the people she works for; early in the first episode, her boss scribbles a mid-meeting note calling her a pain in the arse. But her unrelenting drive and commitment soon gets results. “She pushes people’s boundaries. She is annoying. She does not stop. And her boundary pushing gets very dangerous,” Lynch continues. “But [she is] also really well intentioned. She has a good heart, she just doesn’t know how to use it. Which is exciting to play, and exciting to watch.”

Ultimately, the Jackal and Bianca have more in common than they might initially realise. “The entire premise of these two protagonists that are deeply flawed human beings, and yet also compelling human beings who are kind of mirroring each other, and yet on a one way path to collision, I found that interesting,” Redmayne says.

“You’re on side with both of these people, despite the horrendous choices they’re making.”

The Day of the Jackal will premiere on Sky and streaming service NOW in the UK (and Peacock in the US) on 7 November.

https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/the-day-of-the-jackal-preview

[crystalstunes]

crystal's tunes #2: WORRY. by Jeff Rosenstock (2016)

i was going to wait a while before talking about this album, but i mean come on, it's literally got a track called June 21st. if i was gonna do it any day it'd be today.

WORRY. is an album that's very special to me. i originally discovered it via James Acaster's book Perfect Sound Whatever (named after the closing track of the album), and in the years since it's become one of my most listened to albums of all time. i'm not going to link any specific songs here, because i feel like the album is meant to be listened to in its entirety.

this was the second studio album Jeff released after the end of his previous project, ska-punk collective Bomb the Music Industry!, which in itself was born out of the end of his previous-previous project The Arrogant Sons of Bitches. this album really feels like a culmination of all of his work leading up to this, refined to a T and bursting with energy.

"We're not stupid people but this financial oppression has got everyone believing all that we can do is nothing/'Cause we organise through avenues they lace with advertisements so the ones we rage against are still lining their pockets" - Festival Song (Track 3)

thematically, the album discusses a variety of issues with modern-day America, such as landlords/gentrification, the coroprate sponsors of festivals and culture, social media mining your data, police brutality, and how the world just keeps getting worse due to capitalism in general. this is especially evident on tracks such as Festival Song, Staring Out The Window at Your Old Apartment, Blast Damage Days, HELLLLHOOOOLE, and The Fuzz, but is present throughout the album. he also touches on some more personal issues, such as alcoholism and the struggles of being a DIY musician.

the production here is absolutely top-notch, every single element is balanced perfectly, guitars are clear and crushing when they need to be, drums are punchy, vocals cut through well and instruments such as saxophones, glockenspiels and synths are used in certain songs to offer various different sonic textures. its not just the instruments that are varied here though, he also travels across a number of styles such as his classic ska-punk on the 91 second track Rainbow, to more hardcore punk on 30 second track Planet Luxury.

the A-side of this album is fantastic, with tracks like We Begged 2 Explode, Pash Rash and Festival Song becoming fan favourites and staples of his live sets, but i think this album really comes into its own during it's B-side. every track from Blast Damage Days through to the final track Perfect Sound Whatever perfectly transition into each other, creating a medley of different punk subgenres that is absolutely incredible. it's cathartic and danceable all in one, and its one of my favourite things he's done on an album.

"Whenever we feel ashamed, being alive and awake in such an era of hate and military police/These are the mass murder days, we are the blast damage age, where we can't love anything, because they keep us afraid/Oh, I will be there, kicking, fighting, beating, screaming 'There's no fucking way I'm ever letting go of you!'" - Blast Damage Days (Track 9)

the album builds up in energy until its final anthemic, gang vocal repetitions of "Perfect always takes so long, because it don't exist/It doesn't exist!", which is one of Jeff's main mission statements creatively. the first Bomb the Music Industry! album Album Minus Band has anti-piracy hiss throughout from various plugins he used the demo versions of instead of buying, and a track that's project files corrupted so he couldnt mix it properly, but all of that just adds to the artistry of it all. nothing can ever truly be perfect, so just be honest and authentic and do what you want, because in both art and people, our imperfections are what make us whole. i'm not a perfect person, and that's alright. i may have my own anti-piracy demo plugin hiss in my brain, but that's just part of what makes me myself - i wouldn't truly be me without it, and that's beautiful.

i think this album is truly great because despite the overwhelmingly negative topics being discussed, in the end its hopeful, even if the world or your life seem like theyre fucked, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. the penultimate track ...While You're Alive, ends with the verse "And it's not like the love that they show us on TV/It's a home that can burn, it's a limb to freeze/It's worry/Love is worry". this can just be taken at face value as the fact that when you love someone you worry about them, but i interpret it a different way, especially with the context of the rest of the album.

when the government and systems are against you, you're fighting your own brain, and you're overwhelmed with worry, that worry is coming from a place of love, because you wouldnt worry about something you dont care about. you love yourself, you love the world, and in a way, your anxieties are really just a form of expressing your care and love even if it feels like fear, and anger, and sadness. and, for me at least, that's one of the most reassuring messages i've ever been given from an album. thanks, jeff.

"Because it's June 21st, and this winter was the worst we've ever seen, but we made it through the freeze/And now it's June 21st, and this winter was the worst we've ever seen, now it's 84 degrees forever." - June 21st (Track 14)

[danielfeketewrites]

WHAT IF: 60th Anniversary Collection of novel reprints

I love collecting Doctor Who books. I have slightly over 40 of them now, including novelisations, anthologies, script books, and stuff about the making of the TV show. But majority of my collection consists of original novels.

The 50th Anniversary Collection! Back in 2013, BBC Books released a collection of 11 reprints for the 50th anniversary, one book for each Doctor at the time. What a great idea! And they had cool matching covers!

Now, for the record, I have to admit - I only have one of these reprints: Festival of Death by Jonathan Morris. I would buy more of them, but I'm not interested in every single book in the collection. And I already own the previous printings of Dreams of Empire and The Silent Stars Go By, so there's that.

But these reprints seemed like a wonderful idea, so BBC Books did it again. In 2014, they released The Monster Collection - 8 books featuring 8 iconic monsters. In 2015, they published The History Collection - 8 books, all set in various periods in the past.

And in 2016... they just stopped. Because of course they did.

With the upcoming anniversary, I've been hoping for a revival of this inniciative. But as far as I know, no new reprint collection is coming... So listen up, BBC Books! Here's a list of DW novels you should reprint!

Okay, since this is my version of the list, I've only included stuff that I don't already own. There might be more suitable candidates, but I already own The Stealers of Dreams, The Tomb of Valdemar, The Good Doctor, and Alien Bodies. So, you know.

Rule no. 2: No reprints from the previous three collections.

And also - this list includes some novels originally published by Virgin. Now, this probably shouldn't be a problem? While no VNAs or VMAs were included for the 50th collection, they did reprint some for the subsequent two collections. Big Finish have also managed to get the rights to adapt them. Therefore I think this probably wouldn't be a huge problem for BBC Books. Still, I decided to include an alternative for every Virgin novel on the list.

So, here it is!

First Doctor: The Time Travellers by Simon Guerrier

Susan, Ian, Barbara

2005

After reading "Journey Out of Terror" in The Target Storybook, I desperately want more of Simon Guerrier writing for the 1st Doctor, Ian, and Barbara. He just gets their voices so well!

Second Doctor: The Dark Path by David A. McIntee

Jamie, Victoria

1997

The Master has probably almost as many origin stories as the Doctor. This is one of them. As a consequence of that, this book is quite expensive on ebay.

The second Doctor vs Delgado's Master. My fan brain just can't resist this one.

(Alternatively: The Indestructible Man - Simon Messingham)

I love Messingham's Tomb of Valdemar, so I'd like to read more DW stuff written by him.

Third Doctor: Verdigris by Paul Magrs

Jo, Brigadier, Yates, Benton

2000

Featuring Iris Wildthyme. Yeah. Reprint this one.

Fourth Doctor: Scratchman by Tom Baker and James Goss

Sarah Jane, Harry

2019

A new-ish book for the fourth Doctor, largely here because it's such a legendary bit of trivia - Tom Baker and Ian Marter plotted an Doctor Who movie together in the 1970s. This is the novelisation of that movie that never was.

Fifth Doctor: Goth Opera by Paul Cornell

Nyssa, Tegan

1994

Paul Cornell writing for the fifth Doctor? Vampires? I want to read this.

(Alternatively: Divided Loyalties - Garry Russell)

While not known for being particularly good, it features the Toymaker. And somehow had a huge influence on this website. It deserves a reprint.

Sixth Doctor: Millennial Rites by Craig Hinton

Mel

1995

This just seems like the most interesting thing that anyone has ever done with Valeyard, as well as having a really fun premise. Again, I really want to read this.

(Alternatively: Mission: Impractical - David A. McIntee)

Frobisher's in it.

Seventh Doctor: Lungbarrow by Marc Platt

Chris Cwej

1997

They can't keep getting away with not reprinting Lungbarrow. It's the big one. Also, it's one of the most expensive DW books on ebay, so there's that.

Unfortunately, the Doctor Who office seemingly perceives it as a "can of worms", so I'm not holding my breath. Still, they really should reprint it. I feel like it's a key text in the history of Doctor Who and I want to get my hands on it.

(Alternatively: Atom Bomb Blues - Andrew Cartmel)

It's Andrew Cartmel, seemingly getting heavy and political.

Eighth Doctor: Vampire Science by Kate Orman, Jonathan Blum

Sam

1997

There are so many worthy candidates for reprints from EDAs, but I've decide to go back to the beginning... Not the very beginning. I've read The Eight Doctors it's not worth it. But from what I've heard, Vampire Science definitely is.

Ninth Doctor: The Deviant Strain by Justin Richards

Rose, Jack

2005

Gotta admit, this one was something of a random pick? The ninth Doctor doesn't have a lot of books, so might as well go for this one.

Tenth Doctor: The Story of Martha - Dan Abnett

Martha (obviously)

2008

Not only is this a story centered on the best companion of the RTD era, but it also features short stories that Martha tells people? Including one written by ROB SHEARMAN??? This is an auto-include for the tenth Doctor book.

Eleventh Doctor: The Coming of the Terraphiles - Michael Moorcock

Amy

2010

Around the time when DW books weren't really an important part of the series, something wild happened - a hugely important and influential fantasy and sci-fi author wrote a book featuring the eleventh Doctor. No idea why. I'd love to read it, tho.

Twelfth Doctor: Blood Cell - James Goss

Clara

2014

It's the only book from the first batch of 12th Doctor books I don't have. From what I've heard, it's also the best one. I love some of James Goss' other work, so I'm inclined to believe that.

Thirteenth Doctor: At Childhood's End - Sophie Aldred

Ace, Graham, Yaz, Ryan

2020

I love Ace. A friend of mine once told me that this book is amazing, so I'm gonna believe him. It's going on the list.

And there you have it! A list of Doctor Who novels I'd reprint for the 60th Anniversary, if I could. Give them beautiful new covers (matching, obviously) and it's the 60th Anniversary Collection.

On the upside, BBC Books gave us a sextet of new books for the anniversary, which is really cool. And one of them is an epic poem! And one of them is written by Dave Rudden! So there are Doctor Who books to buy this year.

But I really hope they are gonna start doing some reprints again. I think these books deserve it.

[yarpharp]

I too would like to contribute to the ttrpg recommendations! These are specifically quick and easy solo rpgs (though a number of them also work in groups), because these days I don’t often manage to get all my friends’ schedules to align with mine. (these are all from itch.io)

Do you do like doodling and science fiction and plants? You are a botanist exploring an extremely hazardous dead zone full of flora, and your job is to record your findings.

Do you like Where’s Waldo books? Would you like to explore surveillance weird horror? Well, grab a Where’s Waldo book and delight in defacing it with this insanely creative game!

Do you love Pokemon, but also delight in the click-clack of dice? Here’s a dice-based version of the original Pokemon Red/Blue, and it’s exactly two pages long!

Do you like creative writing but don’t know what to write about? Do you like vampires, inter-personal relationship drama, and history? Here’s one of the most critically-acclaimed indie journaling games out there, and you can buy a gorgeous hard copy of it you can purchase for 15 dollars! (You can also do this in a small group, it’s hilarious and heart-wrenching depending upon how you want to play it together)

Do you enjoy zines? Do you want a simpler way of dungeoneering that isn’t D&D? Do you want an easy pick-up-put-down rpg that can either be played alone or with friends? Here’s a delightful series of zine-format rpg adventures for consumption.

Do you enjoy horror mansions and zombies? Are you a Resident Evil fan? Here’s a fantastic solo and/or group rpg with lovely illustrations and in-depth systems for zombie-hunting!

Do you like science fiction, bounty hunter adventures, and the insanity of space? Here’s a solo rpg for you. It’s ten bucks, but the content is impressive, includes illustrations, and you can get a beautifully-printed hardcopy book of it!

More interested in deeply philosophical and politically-charged content? Are you interested in exploring concepts and ideas of postcolonialism? Are you interested in learning something while also playing a tabletop game? Here’s a solo/group rpg that explores those themes in zine form. Well-designed and meant to challenge your perceptions of the world and its politics. It’s ten bucks.

Don’t like AI? Here’s a sci-fi game about going on a mission to kill The God, aka an AI that has essentially become absolutely mad with power and sentience. It’s five bucks and worth every penny.

sometime soon i want to write like. a casual info post about indie ttrpgs... until the past few years i was only Vaguely aware that systems other than dnd existed and even then i certainly didn't realize the sheer scale of the scene that exists. or the diversity in types of games, from ones that are just as thorough and robust as well-known systems down to ones that literally fit on a business card -- and now that i'm into it i take it for granted but i do wonder how many ppl, when i talk abt my games, maybe just have no idea what they are?? but small/indie ttrpgs are so much fucking fun, and imo are frankly often a much better way to get new ppl into roleplaying games than hitting them over the head with the excel sheet experience of rolling baby's first dnd character, and i want EVERYONE TO KNOW ABOUT THEM. RIGHT NOW

[themaresnest-dumblr]

Since It’s Coming Up To Halloween, A Good Time To Repost And Update This - Your Handy Goth-U-Like Reference Sheet!

Readers! Have you ever been stuck with trying to think of a Goth band your Gothophobic friends might like and thus give a chance at Halloween?

Here’s your handy cross-reference sheet courtesy of your super soaraway Mare’s Nest!

The Cure: People who still watch ‘Bagpuss’, play the American McGee’s ‘Alice’ series, think Tim Burton is the greatest animator of all time, 99.99999% of all Cosplayers, and people who like eating toast.

Sisters Of Mercy: Politics undergraduates, Guardian readers, people who when they get drunk will defend General Woundwort in Watership Down as a ‘misunderstood victim of events’, people who deny being Goth dusk till dawn.

The Mission: Harry Potter/Worst Witch/Doctor Who fans and weekend pagans who like cosplay. A lot. Those who think The Hobbit movies were better than the Lord Of The Rings ones even if they were less canon, and Captain Campion was a better Chief Rabbit of Efrafa than General Woundwort anyway ...

All About Eve: Fans of My Little Pony, The Chalet School/Mallory Towers/St Claire’s, essential oil baths with scented candles, and buying Amazon rainforest sized amounts of quaint writing paper which they never get around to using.

Die Laughing: See All About Eve and The Mission.

The Cult: people who like heavy metal but could do without the whole Dungeons And Dragons or pretending to be teutonic knights vibes. Also people who like tassles. Lots of tassles.

Merry Thoughts: Sisters of Mercy and Cult fans into Pokemon.

Fields of The Nephilim: ‘Sandman’ comic book fans, people who binge watch ‘Stranger Things’ and ‘The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina’, theology students, Spaghetti western fans, adrift prog rockers thinking ‘oh well, suppose it will do,’ actual pagans that haven’t gone down the all-out-and-listening-to-Fairport-Convention route yet.

Killing Joke: Science and Engineering students who read a lot of old school SF but regard the fanbase as boomer stoners. Those who fancy Geordie. DC Comic fandorks who only like them because it entitled their favourite Batman story. Star Wars fans who only like them because Mark Hamill played the Joker in the tortuous ‘film’ version of said Batman story.

Bauhaus/Love And Rockets:  people who insist that all original classic horror movies in black and white are far superior to their colour remakes.

Rosetta Stone - Miserylab: people who insist all original classic horror movies in black and white are far poorer in comparison to their colour remakes - even the remakes done by Hammer Horror.

The Horatii: those who like old school New Romantic videos with yachts and marigold glove monsters.

Aurelio Voltaire: They Might Be Giants/Pinky And The Brain fans.

Marilyn Manson: David Bowie fans who wished he’d gone more hard rock.

Dronning Maud Land: Fields Of The Nephilim fans who liked the Monty Python movies and post-Python spin offs better than the TV series.

Forthcoming Fire: Retro 8-bit computing fans.

London After Midnight: rubber and silk perverts and people who still believe villains on TV/in film should talk in a silly croaky voice and cackle loudly at the end of every sentence.

Siouxsie and the Banshees: Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker era Doctor Who fans, people who like hanging around big f**k off sized museums, punks, anyone who likes the Beatles or their copycats. eg. ELO, Oasis. Also your parents and grandparents. Just keep them away from the ‘Join Hands’ album.

The Damned: Those who will defend to the death every single Addams Family reboot, no matter how ill conceived in plan or execution. People who think Captain Sensible is ‘funny’. Harry Potter fans who think Rat Scabies would have made a better dad for the Weasleys in the movies.

[maggiec70]

Another Review, This One about Marie-Antoinette and the Revolution I promise that this is the last one for some time. Thanks for being kind and not slamming me for my indulgence.

Trianon: A Novel of Royal France

Elena Maria Vidal [aka Mary Russell, and self-published by her Mayapple Press]

Prelude: I originally posted this review two years ago, in May 2013, where it received a 50/50 split between helpful and not helpful votes. Normally I wouldn’t care what sort of votes or comments any of my reviews attracted, since my reviews are simply my opinion of the books I buy—or borrow—and read. However, two of the many vehement and outspoken fans of this writer were so livid that I disliked this book that they expressed their outrage by posting one-star reviews on a book I wrote, which neither of them read, and boasted about their little exploit on comments to someone else who shared them with me. So to prevent further damage, I removed this review. But I’m not happy with the path of least resistance. If I wanted that I’d never give any review less than five stars, right? So I am reposting this review, and I expect some of the folks who adore Trianon because of its overarching theme of Christian/Catholic piety and forgiveness will return here with their most un-Christian brickbats. Let’s see how long it takes…

My Review originally posted on Amazon and Goodreads in 2013, and removed in 2019:

No author can deliver either “The True Story” or “The Real Personality” of anyone. No author whose work is liberally larded with endnotes and a dense, lengthy bibliography can do it. No author who admits she or he is writing historical fiction can do it, either, despite “years of research.” A writer is only as credible as his or her research, and if the writer approaches the arduous task of research with preconceived ideas, or conducts research as if it were some sort of divine mission, the resulting work will have problems.

This story of Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette has problems--a great many of them. In her preface, the author states that all characters were real people, which is perfectly true. She states that the “incidents, situations and conversations are based on reality.” That claim is not so true. Whose version of reality, for example, are we to believe?

From the preface we know immediately that the author’s work is an “attempt to correct many of the popular misconceptions” about Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette. She claims that these misconceptions have been promoted by “secular and modernist historians,” and asserts Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette can “only be truly understood in view of the Catholic teachings to which they adhered and within the context of the sacrament of matrimony.” Surely no one takes this allegation seriously? If you do, then it is like saying these two people were defined then--and are being defined now--by nothing other than their religion and their marriage. Even someone with minimal knowledge of this period of history knows better that that. But there is more in this vein: “The apocalyptic events through which [Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette] lived dealt a serious blow to Christendom from which we have not yet recovered.” Certainly no reasonable person with any knowledge of history can believe the entire French Revolution was either apocalyptic or a lingering canker on the body of civilization. To be perfectly fair, the author warned me of her mindset, but I really couldn’t wait to see how Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette would be rehabilitated, cleansed of all the failings and wickedness unjustly assigned to them by all the secular historians who believe the vile, revolutionary propaganda, and then magically transformed into two of the most saintly people ever to rule anywhere at any time.

This story is hagiography, not history, and not even good historical fiction. The author uses hyperbole, hysteria, cloying 19th century-style purple prose, clichés, and some sophomoric punctuation and dialogue. I can understand wanting to show one’s readers another side of a person, or in this case, an entire family, and show this aspect based on solid research if one is a historian, or less strenuous research if one is not. However, I can’t understand inundating a reader on every page with glowing, breathless, adjective-laden descriptions of Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette, a few of their family members, and even fewer lesser folk. In order to further emphasize the too-good-to-be-true nature of the king and queen, their children, the king’s sisters, and the queen’s intimate friends, everyone else in Paris or Versailles or Le Petit Trianon is simply bad, or immoral. These morally bankrupt folks include intellectuals or freethinkers, atheists, Freemasons, philosophes, Protestants, Jews, and every single revolutionary of every single political stamp.

I find it hard to accept, for example, that Marie-Antoinette had the most radiant skin in all of Europe, perhaps the world, or that Louis XVI was so much like Saint Louis, the crusader king. Especially amusing was the second chapter supposedly seen from the nine-year-old Madame Royale’s point of view, which provided a wealth of details of the largesse, magnanimity, and saintly nature of her parents. This chapter also provided a wealth of details about the sweet, kind, delicate, and utterly beautiful intimate friends of the queen, de Polignac and de Lamballe. Of course, most of these details are well outside the purview of a child, and expressed in a style foreign to a nine-year-old.

There are some entertaining inaccuracies throughout the book, which makes me wonder about all those alleged years of research, and some hilarious bits that I do hope never appeared in any historical document. Ever. For example, Marie-Antoinette’s lengthy conversation with Madame Elisabeth about her opposition to French aid to the American “rebels”--those dreadful people rising up against their lawful king, inspired by Benjamin Franklin’s Masonic cabal--had me on the floor. For all I know, Antoinette may have said this, as well as the absolute drivel that followed about how admired Louis XVI was, even to the extent that her brother, Joseph, allegedly came to France to see “for himself why [her] husband was so loved by his people.” Despite the author’s magnificent--and completely specious--spin on the nature of Louis XVI’s and Marie-Antoinette’s utter lack of intimacy in the first six to seven years of their marriage, Joseph came to talk to his brother-in-law about the facts of life. There is not, I think, any evidence for the claim that Louis XVI was universally beloved by his people, even the “simple people” or the peasants, as the author loves to go on and on about, though she does so in a noticeably patronizing manner. There is definitely no evidence for the claim that the much-maligned philosophes and freethinkers feared Louis XVI “despite their derisive and nasty comments [about the king].” I was also intrigued by Louis XVI’s comment about how the birth of his son and heir “nearly coincided with his [??] victory over the British at Yorktown.” Such hubris from a would-be saint, and completely inaccurate, of course.

When the Estates-General met on May 5, 1789, Louis XVI’s speech to the assembled delegates was “magnificent...echoing with all the ardor and majesty of the Bourbons.” Not according to quite a number of delegates among all three estates, including some underwhelmed clerics in the First Estate; they said Louis mumbled, was nervous, and mostly inarticulate. The good, kind, benevolent governor of the Bastille, the marquis de Launay, was indeed attacked by the sans-culottes, but “the dreadful Marquis de Sade” was most definitely not in residence in the Bastille, having been released from the Bastille ten days earlier. It is also difficult to claim there was nothing but “flimsy evidence” against Louis XVI at his trial, and the only charge brought was that he gave money to the poor “to enslave the nation.” There were thirty-three specific charges, most of which were substantiated by copies of the king’s correspondence found in the infamous iron box in the Tuileries Palace. I was amazed at the statement that on September 2, 1792, “there began five days of carnage unlike anything Paris had experienced since the days of the barbarian invasions.” Apparently the author hadn’t heard about Catherine de Medici, regent for her son, Charles IX, who ordered the Saint Bartholomew’s Day massacre on the occasion of her daughter’s marriage to Henry of Navarre. In that case, a Catholic queen ordered the deaths of more than 3,000 French Huguenots in Paris alone, twice that of the casualties of the September massacres. Sometimes history can be inconvenient for the story one is trying so desperately to tell. Madame Royal’s husband did not go to Italy to fight Napoleon, thus proving himself to be a brave and able soldier. He commanded a cavalry regiment in the Bavarian army and fought not Napoleon but General Jean Moreau at Hohenlinden. It was a decisive French victory, and the duke was certainly on the wrong side of it. Napoleon was not a friend to Maximilien Robespierre; he knew his brother Augustin, and was actually imprisoned briefly after Robespierre was executed on 9 Thermidor because of his alleged Jacobin sympathies. Napoleon did not “fire grapeshot upon a crowd of poor peasants rebelling against the revolution.” He fired on a faction of the Royalist army led by émigrés and outnumbering Bonaparte’s forces roughly six to one. But grapeshot is indeed a great crowd leveler.

In her effort to sanctify Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette, the author has criminalized virtually everyone else. This trend begins with the Assembly of Notables in 1787, and continues unabated until the last page. The king, the queen, the various mesdames of France, the friends, the children--all are saintly, heroic, courageous, full of fortitude, true to their faith, and so forth and so on. The revolutionaries are all several rungs below beasts, and made up of unrelentingly bloodthirsty, vicious, crude, nasty, and godless mobs who tear innocent folk apart. This is black and white, and it does not work. It is dishonest, it is inaccurate, and it is, at the end of the day, just plain ridiculous. Even Georges Lefebvre, the respected French Marxist historian of the Revolution, was far more subtle in his description of the entirety of this great event in terms of economic determinism that this author is here with her maudlin, hagiographic portrayal of two people who were, after all, not much in the way of royalty. Their deaths define them far more than their lives ever did, I think.

The most dishonest aspect of this book is, of course, the shrill insistence that Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette were somehow Super Catholics, that their faith was deeper and more worthy than anyone else’s, except for a select few family members, and that they were defined by their Catholic faith. I think that is the author’s view, not how the king and queen would see it. Either way, to view anyone through the single prism of religion--or gender, or political affiliation, or economic status--or any other lone defining characteristic is to fail to understand anything at all about the person, or persons, or the age in which they lived.

There are legions of folks who gush endlessly and fatuously about Marie-Antoinette, if one considers the amount of historical fiction churned out about her. There are probably enough folks who think Louis XVI was worthy of sainthood, as was Marie-Antoinette. The Church did not—and has not—come to that conclusion. There was nothing remotely special about these two royals, other than the fact that they were wrong for the times in which they lived, rather like Nicholas II and Alexandra. Oh, well, some Russians are also trying to turn them into saints.

Postscript: The enraged, saintly author of this saintly garbage attacked me personally for my review, as well as a review of a friend of mine. Then she tried to contact our employers to complain about what dreadful people we were. She indulged in several inflammatory screeds on her blog, Tea at Trianon, that were clearly beyond the pale, and it was here that she doxed both me and my friend.

I got her banned from Goodreads and all her reviewing privileges removed from both Amazon and Goodreads.

I also find it eminently fitting that she launched another blog in 2016, this one in support of all things Trump.

[reluctanx]

𝘽𝙉𝙃𝘼 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝘿𝘾𝘼𝙉𝙊𝙉 >> CLASS 1-B. || Fem!s/o

𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙍𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙎 𝙄𝙉𝘾𝙇𝙐𝘿𝙀𝘿: neito monoma, itsuka kendo, sen kaibara, ibara shiozaki, tetsutetsu tetsutetsu, reiko yanagi, setsuna tokage

𝙒𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂 (𝙎) : n/a [?]

-Neito Monoma

!! 🧺 | he’s actually very sweet, just a bit playful with you

!! 🧺 | he cracks joke just to make you laugh because your smile means EVERYTHING to him

!! 🧺 | i’m pretty sure he’s a nerd at color theory and would ALWAYS point out how beautiful your eyes are. even if it has a darker shade, he just knows that it’s a beautiful color that he loves so much

!! 🧺 | he doesn’t let other people touch his bunnies besides kendo, you may also be the exception

!! 🧺 | overly dramatic because he knows you can’t possibly, truly handle his bullshit

!! 🧺 | his teenager crush on you is so adorable, because he’s always in denial. or refuses to admit he have a crush on you

!! 🧺 | seeing that you’re not comparing him to a villain because of his quirk, wether it’s a joke or not. you automatically gain a part of his trust and respect. deadass

!! 🧺 | he bullies people for a reason, and you better deal with that

!! 🧺 | very argumentative, trying to fight with him with controversial topics is useless

!! 🧺 | LET. HIM. TOUCH. YO. HAIR………. pls

!! 🧺 | even if he tries, he can’t keep up late at night. HE WILL fall asleep, so sometimes you’ll be left on read accidentally-

!! 🧺 | when texting… he’s a total different person omg

!! 🧺 | no because if your seat is next to his, he will pass you the answers for the math exam.. (don’t lie, i know you’re a total dogshit at this subject. )

!! 🧺 | he’s a real big fan of Vlad king so you better be prepared seeing some of his merch in his closet

!! 🧺 | seeing you in his clothes makes him feel weird. he’ll try to make fun of you but he’s just really flustered to look at cha’ i swear

!! 🧺 | it’s rare to see him swear, so when he do so.. dear god..

!! 🧺 | HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR BODY SHAPE, SIZE OR WHATEVER, HE LOVES YOU THE WAY YOU ARE AND HE WILL REMIND YOU THAT

!! 🧺 | “you love me o’ sooo much it makes you look stupid.”

!! 🧺 | “don’t tell kendo about this, but i like you. for real.”

!! 🧺 | pronouns first with this man, pronouns = priority, pronouns respected. period.

!! 🧺 | he would be such a simp for you..

!! 🧺 | not obsessive or possesive, per se just jealous in a healthy way

!! 🧺 | “i’m literally a low quality version of bakugo.”

!! 🧺 | THEATRICAL, AS FUCK.

-Itsuka Kendo

!! 🧸 | SHE’S LITERALLY A SWEET HEART *SOBS SOBS*

!! 🧸 | she acts like your big sister sometimes.

!! 🧸 | she’s so shy and intimidated when she gets to date you bro..

!! 🧸 | your hero name? your hero costume? gives no shit, she find everything about you AMAZING.

!! 🧸 | you’re the little spoon, don’t prove me wrong, you’re the little spoon

!! 🧸 | she finds you so cute (especially if you have chubby cheeks, cause like uuuUhhh…)

!! 🧸 | she dresses you up when ya’ll get a girl days

!! 🧸 | she doesn’t know how to cook, depending on your cooking skills; either you get to cook or ya’ll order sum shit idk

!! 🧸 | she have a whole romantic cottagecore playlist dedicated for you whenever she thinks about you i swear.

!! 🧸 | you participates in her activity of : “knocking-down-neito-whenever-hes-been-an-ass”

!! 🧸 | can’t even afford to scold you the first time ya’ll meet, you’re so beautiful *sob sob*

!! 🧸 | if you’re in a social group space, you’re her favourite person, ya’ll are the duo of the friend group

!! 🧸 | “can’t sleep? that’s okay me too.”

!! 🧸 | picky, very picky eater. ya’ll may have trouble ordering something.

!! 🧸 | you’re the ticklish person, she’s the tickler. if you’re not, she’ll helplessly try to tickle you..-

!! 🧸 | “SPIDER, SPIDER!!”

!! 🧸 | your luck booster, i stg

!! 🧸 | she likes seeing you with fake cat ears, you look so adorable in her perspective

!! 🧸 | “LET’S WATCH A DISNEY MOVIE!!”

!! 🧸 | fast typer when texting.

!! 🧸 | you’re her angel, you are.

!! 🧸 | wants to be a make-up artist somedays.. so you better be ready and prepare to be a mannequin.

!! 🧸 | “you’re so weird *faces you* you’re so weird.”

!! 🧸 | 256 HOURS LONG OF TALK AND CHATS WHEN SHE ENCOUNTERS A LONG TIME FRIEND AT THE MALL

!! 🧸 | she wants to be a princess, your princess

!! 🧸 | SAY THAT YOU LOVE HER HAIR AND SHE WILL FLUSH

!! 🧸 | “why are you so pretty 🥺’

!! 🧸 | cottagecore lesbians :)

!! 🧸 | holding your hands + kisses + pecks on the lips, physical affection <<<<<<<<

!! 🧸 | gives you her stuffies, trust me she have LOADS of stuffies

!! 🧸 | BLUSHES SO HARD WHEN YOU WEAR HER CLOTHES

Sen Kaibara

!! 📢 | you don’t understand, the amount of love he holds for you is HUGE!

!! 📢 | fairly confident when he’s fighting by your side, you give him confidence..

!! 📢 | bad habits to compare your beauty with his

!! 📢 | trying to make him blush? oh honey, you don’t have to try once you have a relationship with him..

!! 📢 | his smile <<<<<<<<<<<<<

!! 📢 | usually quiet but tends to be talkative ONLY to you

!! 📢 | his heart beats faster and faster when you get close to him, but his face says 😐

!! 📢 | “kiss me already, dummy”

!! 📢 | really likes anime actually, ya’ll watch animes or read mangas sometimes :)

!! 📢 | *strokes strokes, scrubs scrubs your hair gently*

!! 📢 | thinks you look so cute in his clothes but doesn’t mention it

!! 📢 | secretly tries to get one of the things you crave for (an item, celebrity’s autograph idk sum shit)

!! 📢 | mockery against you? not on his watch.

!! 📢 | his love language is physical touch *sobs sobs*

!! 📢 | rubs your hand gently to calm you down when you feel anxious

!! 📢 | old times french love songs of edith piaf is his jam..

!! 📢 | hopeless romantic :c

!! 📢 | insecure? not on his watch,

!! 📢 | gives you his juice box to you and only to you

!! 📢 | you’re his first kiss

!! 📢 | BEST HUG GIVER

!! 📢 | the type to put your hair behind your ears

!! 📢 | “you’re my everything..”

!! 📢 | KISSES YOUR CHEEKS INTENSIVELY

!! 📢 | loves to feel euphoric, you make him euphoric

!! 📢 | you get the blower during summer lmao

!! 📢 | buys you loads of icecreams during summer

!! 📢 | go to the heater side during winter, right now, right here.

!! 📢 | everything you ask somethinh, he’ll answer instantly

!! 📢 | want something? dont worry, sen gotchu’

!! 📢 | SIMP

!! 📢 | wants to be someone truly meaningful to you

!! 📢 | you make him feel special for doing literally nothing

!! 📢 | he loves you, so so much.

Ibara Shiozaki

!! 🌱| literally the momo yaoyorazu of class 1-b but more theatrical

!! 🌱| you kinda just already knew that she have a preference for girls

!! 🌱| “mo- mother nature? what kind of silly things are you spouting out of that mouth of yours…”

!! 🌱| you are literally babied by her

!! 🌱| good baker and easily make your favorite dish/dessert

!! 🌱| you’re her top priority, and she carefully pays attention to you. deadass, she’s the type to wipe your mouth with her favorite tissue while she’s talking about a serious matter with her teamates bro

!! 🌱| she’s such a nerd in the rom-com industry, and gets pretty shy when you proceed to do something that is similar to a scene about one of her few rom-com movies. (ex: kadebon)

!! 🌱| she laughs so easily..

!! 🌱| “you’re so precious.”

!! 🌱| she showed all the symptoms of “crushing” back then, and you already knew that.

!! 🌱| everytime you hype her up, she smiles widely

!! 🌱| she’s so gift giving, she can’t leave you without giving you a gift first

!! 🌱| all the gifts you gave her stays safe and sound in her room

!! 🌱| “i might never be your hero, but i’ll be the winner of your heart.”

!! 🌱| she wants you to wear her clothes so ya’ll can match :)

!! 🌱| she’s quite wealthy, so she buys you some expensive gifts that reminds her of you

!! 🌱| always wrap her arms around you everywhere

!! 🌱| teases you but a lot

!! 🌱| she likes to do gardening stuff with you

!! 🌱| full knowledge on plants, every flowers she offers you was because of a characteristic that reminds her of you

!! 🌱| her efforts to be committed in your relationship is so visible

!! 🌱| always slips a little ‘I love you” everydays

!! 🌱| your love, affection and attention is enough to repay her for her consistent efforts.

!! 🌱| gets easily jealous but tries to hide it, but you obviously can tell due to her uncontrollable blush

!! 🌱| as she is so gift giving, you’ll try to argue with her saying she doesn’t need to give her this much gifts

!! 🌱| she gets overwhelmed when you make out of an exam/mission

!! 🌱| loves to give you a head massage while reading a book

!! 🌱| come and stargaze with her >:|

!! 🌱| kisses the back of your hand

!! 🌱| show you off when she have the chance to

!! 🌱| compared to what you may have assumed, she puts a lot of trust in her words when showin’ you off.

!! 🌱| “everyday and everynight, you make me happy just by thinking of your silly little face.”

!! 🌱| HELPS YOU WITH HOMEWORK

!! 🌱| SLEEPOVERS!!

!! 🌱| she felt insecure about her hair, so the fact that you had he audacity to pet her head made her fall inlove with you.

!! 🌱| gets genuinely confused when you laugh at her dramatic behavior

!! 🌱| her humor is kinda bad, so she may laugh at the stupidest thing ever

Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

!! 🦈| oh boy, everything would be so wild with him

!! 🦈| you cannot leave the room without giving him a hug first

!! 🦈| awkward, like really

!! 🦈| “you’re the most coolest— beautifulest—…uuh.. person!”

!! 🦈| doesn’t academically succeed a lot, but puts a lot of efforts in his works. every praises you give him makes him smile

!! 🦈| makes you laugh without him knowing

!! 🦈| please, he probably starts to laugh when you start talking too fast because he doesn’t understand-

!! 🦈| in summer, he turns his arms into steel so you can grip against it (since steel is usually cold)

!! 🦈| probably have adhd

!! 🦈| loves to caress your cheeks

!! 🦈| sometimes kisses your little fingers for fun

!! 🦈| buddies to lover trope :D

!! 🦈| uses kaomoji than emojis

!! 🦈| his favorite song is teenage dirtbag

!! 🦈| he requires a good listener as his s/o, because he is a very talkative person and bring numerous topics and persons at the same time when talking to him

!! 🦈| “you’re extra-beautiful..”

!! 🦈| offers a fish related plushie

!! 🦈| shows off his abs for you

!! 🦈| two dumb hoes doing shit trope

!! 🦈| “you kinda remind me of an otter..?

!! 🦈| “wanna be a teenage dirtbag with me?”

!! 🦈| he calls you the popular girl of the school for a reason.. 😭

!! 🦈| calls you tetsutetsu junior when you wear his clothes

!! 🦈| openly admit that ya’ll are in a relationship to everyone

!! 🦈| is actually ticklish himself-

!! 🦈| loves to kiss your forehead

!! 🦈| loves to point out how cute you are

!! 🦈| definitely introduces you to fatgum and kirishima

!! 🦈| he can’t really came up with a petname.. so he’ll give you stupid ones

!! 🦈| as you can tell, he’s clearly not experienced but he tries, for you :)

!! 🦈| okay but power couple

!! 🦈| “if you steal the blankets, i am about to put my cold feets on you.”

!! 🦈| gets out of hands when he’s too excited

!! 🦈| gives you back hugs when you’re not feeling well

!! 🦈| best caregiver 🥺

!! 🦈| adores you

!! 🦈| play games with you :)

!! 🦈| sends you stupid note under the door whenever you’re taking a shit-

Reiko Yanagi

!! 👻|| you managed to get on her soft side when you told her that she wasn’t weird in any ways

!! 👻|| very quiet and patient with you

!! 👻|| really doesn’t wish to disturb or scare you, but she can’t let go of you — you were so nice

!! 👻|| when you tease her.. she’s a blushing mess

!! 👻|| you’re the only person she hangs most of her time with

!! 👻||she thinks that you’re so, so cool.

!! 👻|| doesn’t know how to react to all of your compliments, just knows how to cuddle

!! 👻|| she makes you listen to her favorite genre of music

!! 👻|| she tries her best to make your relationship with her dynamic as possible!

!! 👻|| with that say, praising is one of her top quality

!! 👻|| as much as she doesn’t know how to handle your praise, she can slap you back with her

!! 👻||”hey.. how abour we kiss? uh- um.. if- if you want to.”

!! 👻|| is actually a good kisser-

!! 👻|| her only way to calm you down was to kiss you when you get overwhelmed

!! 👻|| reiko is a really good listener and would literally listen to your 5 hours long story as she stare at you the whole time

!! 👻|| when you mention that her bags were really cool… good job bro, now she loves you

!! 👻|| SHE’S SO CLINGY, LIKE REALLY CLINGY

!! 👻|| unexpectedly good in video games

!! 👻|| “w-whoa.. i didn’t expected you to wear my clothes..you look adorable..”

!! 👻|| gets truly passionate when talking about paranormal facts

!! 👻|| she loves to play with the strands of your hair

!! 👻|| quality time <<<<<<<<

!! 👻|| would always remind you how beautiful you are

!! 👻|| once you have her sweater wrapped around your body, it’s officially yours now because she says so

!! 👻|| soft spokesperson with you bro..

!! 👻|| seems more confident when texting

!! 👻|| she loves taking pictures of you

!! 👻|| she probably wanted to make you visit the beach during the sunset

!! 👻|| she’s so proud of you..

!! 👻|| “oh, you deserve all of the praises of the world.”

!! 👻|| can’t even look at you in the eyes,, you’re so CUTE!!

!! 👻|| never leave you alone, never will or would

!! 👻|| always grips on your shirt so that you don’t get to be lost in a mission

!! 👻|| regularly checks up on you

!! 👻|| gives you LOADS of snacks during lunch

Setsuna Tokage

!! 🐊| COMMITTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP

!! 🐊| literally takes you out everywhere on ya’ll date

!! 🐊| don’t be shy, skateboard with her

!! 🐊| literally asks to be partnered up with you during the sport festivals

!! 🐊| will do everything for you

!! 🐊| have a reptile pet, you’re the only person knowing about that

!! 🐊| CHERISH YOU UNTIL SHE DIES

!! 🐊| “my sweet sweet pumpkin pie!”

!! 🐊| “let me kiss you until you can’t handle me anymore, darling.”

!! 🐊| she loves snuggling to your neck and leave soft kisses

!! 🐊| eyes contact is important

!! 🐊| you’re her favourite person

!! 🐊| ya’ll be ruining your sleep schedule for each other

!! 🐊| you guys always wear something that matches with the other (a hat, item, shirt.. etc.)

!! 🐊| setsuna announces her relationship with you to the class as if she proposed to you in a mariage

aight ya’ll, bye!

[felassan]

Insights into DAI’s development from Blood, Sweat, and Pixels

The book is by game industry journalist Jason Schreier (it’s an interesting read and well-written, I recommend it). This is the cliff notes version of the DAI chapter. This info isn’t new as the book is from 2017 (I finally got around to buying it). Some insight into DAO, DA2 and cancelled DA projects is also given. Cut for length.

BW hoped that DA would become the LotR of video games. DAO’s development was “a hellish seven-year slog”

The DAI team are compared to a chaotic “pirate ship”, which is what they called themselves internally. “It’ll get where it needs to go, but it’s going to go all over the place. Sail over here. Drink some rum. Go over here. Do something else. That’s how Mark Darrah likes to run his team.” An alternative take from someone else who worked on the game: “It was compared to a pirate ship because it was chaotic and the loudest voice in the room usually set the direction. I think they smartly adopted the name and morphed it into something better.”

A game about the Inquisition and the large-scale political conflicts it solves across Thedas, where the PC was the Inquisitor, was originally the vision for ‘DA2′. Plans had to change when SW:TOR’s development kept stalling and slipping. Frustrated EA execs wanted a new product from BW to bolster quarterly sales targets, and decided that DA would have to fill the gap. BW agreed to deliver DA2 within 16 months. “Basically, DA2 exists to fill that hole. That was the inception. It was always intended to be a game made to fit in that”

BW wanted to call it DA: Exodus, but EA’s marketing execs insisted on DA2, no matter what that name implied

DAO’s scope (Origin stories, that amount of big areas, variables, reactivity) was just not doable in a year, even if everyone worked overtime. To solve this problem, BW shelved the Inquisition idea and made a risky call: DA2 would be set in one city over time, allowing locations to be recycled and months to be shaved off dev time. They also axed DAO features like customizing party members’ equipment. These were the best calls they were able to make on a tight line

Many at BW are still proud of DA2. Those that worked on it grew closer from all being in it together

In certain dark accounting corners of EA, despite fan response to DA2 and its lower sales compared to DAO, DA2 is considered a wild success

By summer 2011 BW decided to cancel DA2′s expansion Exalted March in favor of a totally new game. They needed to get away from the stigma of DA2, reboot the franchise and show they could make triple-A quality good games. 

DAI was going to be the most ambitious game BW had ever made and had a lot to prove (that BW could return to form, that EA wasn’t crippling the studio, that BW could make an ‘open-world’ RPG with big environments). There was a bit of a tone around the industry that there were essentially 2 tiers of BW, the ME team and then everyone else, and the DA team had a scrappy desire to fight back against that

DAI was behind schedule early on due to unfamiliar new technology; the new engine Frostbite was very technically challenging and required more work than anyone had expected. Even before finishing DA2 BW were looking for a new engine for the next game. Eclipse was creaky, obsolete, not fully-featured, graphically lacking. The ME team used Unreal, which made inter-team collab difficult. “Our tech strategy was just a mess. Every time we’d start a new game, people would say, ‘Oh, we should just pick a new engine’.”

After meeting with an EA exec BW decided on Frostbite. Nobody had ever used it to make an RPG, but EA owned FB dev studio DICE, and the engine was powerful and had good graphic capabilities & visual effects. If BW started making all its games on FB, it could share tech with sister studios and borrow tools when they learned cool new tricks. 

For a while they worked on a prototype called Blackfoot, to get a feel for FB and to make a free-to-play DA MP game. It fizzled as the team was too small, which doesn’t lend itself well to working with FB, and was cancelled

BW resurfaced the old Inquisition idea. What might a DA3 look like on FB? Their plan by 2012 was to make an open-world RPG heavily inspired by Skyrim that hit all the beats DA2 couldn’t. “My secret mission was to shock and awe the players with the massive amounts of content.” People complained there wasn’t enough in DA2. “At the end of DAI, I actually want people to go, ‘Oh god, not [another] level’.”

It was originally called Dragon Age 3: Inquisition

BW wanted to launch on next-gen consoles only but EA’s profit forecasters were caught up in the rise of iPad and iPhone gaming and were worried the next-gen consoles wouldn’t sell well. As a safeguard EA insist it also ship on current-gen. Most games at that time followed this strategy. Shipping on 5 platforms at once would be a first for BW

Ambitions were piling up. This was to be BW’s first 3D open-world game, and their first game on Frostbite, an engine that had never been used to make RPGs. It needed to be made in roughly two years, it needed to ship on 5 platforms, and, oh yeah, it needed to restore the reputation of a studio that had been beaten up pretty badly. “Basically we had to do new consoles, a new engine, new gameplay, build the hugest game that we’ve ever made, and build it to a higher standard than we ever did. With tools that don’t exist.”

FB didn’t have RPG stats, a visible PC, spells, save systems, a party of 4 people, the same kind of cutscenes etc and couldn’t create any of those things. BW had to create these on top of it. BW initially underestimated how much work this would be. BW were the FB guinea pigs. Early on in DAI’s development, even the most basic tasks were excruciating, and this impacted even fundamental aspects of game design and dev. When FB’s tools did function they were finicky and difficult. DICE’s team supported them but had limited resources and were 8 hours ahead. Since creating new content in FB was so difficult, trying to evaluate its quality became impossible. FB engine updates made things even more challenging. After every one, BW had to manually merge and test it; this was debilitating, and there were times when the build didn’t work for a month or was really unstable.

Meanwhile the art department were having a blast. FB was great for big beautiful environments. For months they made as much as possible, taking educated guesses when they didn’t know yet what the designers needed. “For a long time there was a joke on the project that we’d made a fantastic-looking screenshot generator, because you could walk around these levels with nothing to do. You could take great pictures.”

The concept of DAI as open-world was stymying the story/writers and gameplay/designers teams. What were players going to do in these big landscapes? How could BW ensure exploring remained fun after many hours? Their teams didn’t have time for system designers to envision, iterate and test a good “core gameplay loop” (quests, encounters, activities etc). FB wouldn’t allow it. Designers couldn’t test new ideas or answer questions because basic features were missing or didn’t exist yet. 

EA’s CEO told BW they should have the ability to ride dragons and that this would make DAI sell 10 million copies. BW didn’t take this idea very seriously

BW had an abstract idea that the player would roam the world solving problems and building up power or influence they could use. But how would that look/work like in-game? This could have used refinement and testing but instead they decided to build some levels and hope they could figure it out as they went.

One day in late 2012, after a year of strained development on DAI, Mark Darrah asked Mike Laidlaw to go to lunch. “We’re walking out to his car,” Laidlaw said, “and I think he might have had a bit of a script in his head. [Darrah] said, ‘All right, I don’t actually know how to approach this, so I’m just going to say it. On a scale of one to apocalyptic... how upset would you be if I said [the player] could be, I dunno, a Qunari Inquisitor?’” 

Laidlaw was baffled. They’d decided that the player could be only a human in DAI. Adding other playable races like Darrah was asking for would mean they’d need to quadruple their budget for animation, voice acting, and scripting.

“I went, ‘I think we could make that work’,” Laidlaw said, asking Darrah if he could have more budget for dialogue. 

Darrah answered that if Laidlaw could make playable races happen, he couldn’t just have more dialogue. He could have an entire year of production.

Laidlaw was thrilled. “Fuck yeah, OK,” he recalled saying.

MD had actually already realized at this point it’d be impossible to finish DAI in 2013. They needed at least a year’s delay and adding the other playable races was part of a plan/planned pitch to secure this. He was in the process of putting together a pitch to EA: let BW delay the game, and in exchange it’d be bigger and better that anyone at EA had envisioned. These new marketing points included playable races, mounts and a new tactical camera. If EA wouldn’t let them delay, they would have had to cut things. Going into that BW were confident but nervous, especially in the wake of EA’s recent turmoil where they’d just parted ways with their CEO and had recruited a new board member while they hunted for a new one. They didn’t know how the new board member would react, and the delay would affect EA’s projections for that fiscal year. Maybe it was the convincing pitch, or the exec turmoil, or the specter of DA2, or maybe EA didn’t like being called “The Worst Company in America”. Winning that award 2 years in a row had had a tangible impact on the execs and led to feisty internal meetings on how to repair EA’s image. Whatever the reasons, EA greenlit the delay.

The PAX Crestwood demo was beautiful but almost entirely fake. By fall 2013, BW had implemented many of FB’s ‘parts’, but still didn’t know what kind of ‘car’ they were making. ML and team scripted the PAX demo by hand, entirely based on what BW thought would be in the game. The level & art assets were real but the gameplay wasn’t. “Part of what we had to do is go out early and try to be transparent because of DA2. And just say, ‘Look, here, it’s the game, it’s running live, it’s at PAX.’ Because we wanted to make that statement that we’re here for fans.”

DA2 hung on the team like a shadow. There was insecurity, uncertainty, they had trouble sticking to one vision. Which DA2 things were due to the short dev time and which were bad calls? What stuff should they reinvent? There were debates over combat (DAO-style vs DA2-style) and arguments over how to populate the wilderness.

In the months after that demo, BW cut much of what they’d shown in it. Even small features went through many permutations. DAI had no proper preproduction phase (important for testing and discarding things), so leads were stretched thin and had to make impulsive decisions.

By the end of 2013, DAI had 200+ people working on it, and dozens of additional outsourced artists in Russia and China. Coordinating all the work across various departments was challenging and a full-time job for several people. At this sheer scale of game dev, there are many complexities and inter-dependencies. Work finally became significantly less tedious and more doable when BW and DICE added more features to FB. Time was running out though, and another delay was a no.

The team spent many hours in November and December piecing together a “narrative playable” version of the game to be the holiday period’s game build for BW staff to test that year. Feedback on the demo was bad. There were big complaints on story, that it didn’t make sense and was illogical. Originally the PC became Inquisitor and sealed the breach in the prologue, which removed a sense of urgency. In response the writers embarked on Operation Sledgehammer (breaking a bone to set it right), radically revising the entire first act.

The other big piece of negative feedback was that battles weren’t fun. Daniel Kading, who had recently joined BW and brought with him a rigorous new method for testing combat in games, went to BW leadership with a proposal: give him authority to open his own little lab with the other designers and call up the entire team for mandatory play sessions for test purposes. They agreed and he used this experiment to get test feedback and specifically pinpoint where problems were. Morale took a turn for the better that week, DK’s team made several tweaks, and through these sessions feedback ratings went from 1.2 to 8.8 four weeks later.

Many on the team wished they didn’t have to ship for old consoles (clunky, less powerful). BW leadership decided not to add features to the next-gen versions that wouldn’t be possible on the older ones, so that both versions of the game played the same. This limited things and meant the team had to find creative solutions. “I probably should’ve tried harder to kill [the last-gen] version of the game”, said Aaryn Flynn. In the end the next-gen consoles sold very well and only 10% of DAI sales were on last-gen.

“A lot of what we do is well-intentioned fakery,” said Patrick Weekes, pointing to a late quest called “Here Lies The Abyss”. “When you assault the fortress, you have a big cut scene that has a lot of Inquisition soldiers and a lot of Grey Wardens on the walls. And then anyone paying attention or looking for it as you’re fighting through the fortress will go, ‘Wow, I’m only actually fighting three to four guys at a time.’ Because in order for that to work [on old gen], you couldn’t have too many different character types on screen.”

Parts of DAI were still way behind schedule because it was so big and complex, and because some tools hadn’t started functioning until late on. Some basic features weren’t able to be implemented til the last minute (they were 8 months from ship before they could get all party members in the squad. At one point PW was playtesting to check if Iron Bull’s banter was firing, and realized there was no way to even recruit IB) and some flaws couldn’t be identified til the last few months. Trying to determine flow and pacing was rough.

They couldn’t disappoint fans again. They needed to take the time to revise and polish every aspect of DAI. “I think DAI is a direct response to DA2,” said Cameron Lee. “DAI was bigger than it needed to be. It had everything but the kitchen sink in it, to the point that we went too far... I think that having to deal with DA2 and the negative feedback we got on some parts of that was driving the team to want to put everything in and try to address every little problem or perceived problem.”

At this point they had 2 options: settle for an incomplete game, which would disappoint fans especially post-DA2, or crunch. They opted to crunch. It was the worst period of extended overtime in DAI’s development yet and was really rough: late nights, weekends, lost family time, 12-14 hour days, stress, mental health impacts.

During 2014′s crunch, they finally finished off features they wished they’d nailed down in year 1. They completed the Power (influence) system and added side quests, hidden treasures and puzzles. Things that weren’t working like destructible environments were promptly removed. The writers rewrote the prologue at least 6 times, but didn’t have enough time to pay such attention to the ending. Just a few months before launch pivotal features like jumping were added.

By summer BW had bumped back release by another 6 weeks for polish. DAI had about 99,000 bugs in it (qualitative and quantitative; things like “I was bored here” are a bug). “The number of bugs on an open-world game, I’ve never seen anything like it. But they’re all so easy to fix, so keep filing these bugs and we’ll keep fixing them.” For BW it was harder to discover them, and the QA team had to do creative experimentation and spend endless late nights testing things. PW would take builds home to let their 9 year old son play around. Their son was obsessed with mounting and dismounting the horse and accidentally discovered a bug where if you dismounted in the wrong place, all your companions’ gear would vanish. “It was because my son liked the horse so much more than anyone else ever had or will ever like the horse.”

MD had a knack for prioritizing which bugs should be fixed, like the one where you could get to inaccessible areas by jumping on Varric’s head. “Muscle memory is incredibly influential at this point. Through the hellfire which is game development, we’re forged into a unit, in that we know what everyone’s thinking and we understand everyone’s expectations.”

At launch they still didn’t have all their tools working, they only had their tools working enough.

DAI became the best-selling DA game, beating EA’s sales expectations in just a few weeks. If you look closely you can see the lingering remnants of its chaotic development, like the “garbage quests” in the Hinterlands. Some players didn’t realize they could leave the area and others got caught in a “weird, compulsive gratification loop”. Internet commentators rushed to blame “those damn lazy devs” but really, these were the natural consequences of DAI’s struggles. Maybe things would have been different if they’d miraculously received another year of dev time, or if they’d had years before starting development to build FB’s tools first.

“The challenge of the Hinterlands and what it represented to the opening 10 hours of DAI is exactly the struggle of learning to build open-world gameplay and mechanisms when you are a linear narrative story studio,” said Aaryn Flynn.

“DA2 was the product of a remarkable time-line challenge,” said Mike Laidlaw, “DAI was the product of a remarkable technical challenge. But it had enough time to cook, and as a result it was a much better game.”

Read the chapter for full details of course!

[nintendroid]

A collection of reviews for games I've beaten recently! Instead of going into detail about each individual one, let's satisfy my short attention span and give short, sweet reviews for them all in one whack!

Although these reviews will be bite-sized, the scoring system remains the same: Seek Out, Buy Cheap and Skip It. Without further adieu!

Buy Cheap: 40 Winks (Nintendo 64)

Once a Playstation exclusive, publisher Piko Interactive brought over this cult classic to the Nintendo 64 a short time ago. A decent action-platformer about a couple of kids - Ruff and Tumble that go into the "dream world" to save forty mouse-like creatures called "winks" from the game's villian NiteKap. A fun game that controls well. The dream powers are fun to use (Nightmare on Elmstreet for NES comes to mind) - game feels like a Rareware game but just never reaches that point. By the time you've hit the third level, you've seen everything 40 Winks has to offer. Lack of variety, claustrophobic levels hold it back from being a true classic. N64 version has a co-op mode I was unable to try. Worth at least one playthough. Great foundation for a sequel, but it's been 20 years so don't hold your breath.

Seek Out: Army Men: Sarge's Heroes (Nintendo 64)

A third-person shooter where you play as "Sarge" - a toy army man on the forefront of the war between the green and tan armies. Battles take place in regular places like jungles and beaches, but when you cross the portal into the real world is where the fun begins. Bathtubs, Christmas trees and backyards become warzones. Mission structures are like Goldeneye missions if you play on agent - so nothing too complicated. The controls are a little slow and tank-y and can cause a death here and there but the game is just so charming and fun, it doesn't hamper the experience. Burning enemies with a flame thrower is a lot of fun. Good multiplayer mode once you finish the game. Story and cutscenes add to it's charm.

Buy Cheap: Adventure Island: The Beginning (WiiWare)

You can't even play this legally anymore given the shutdown of Wii's online service, but it's possible if you seek... So this is a prequel to Hudson's flagship Adventure Island series. Given it's a WiiWare game, it's short and can be finished within an hour. Just like previous entries, you run out of health as time ticks down and must collect foods to keep your health up. it's nowhere near as difficult as it's predecessors, but it's still a challenging game. You can collect melons to buy powerups in the in-game shop to help you out (think Mega Man 10, Donkey Kong Country Returns). Critics say it made the game too easy, but for a smooth brain like me, it didn't. I had some fun with this and with achievements, it gave me a reason to keep playing. Mini-games are ok, but nothing too compelling once you collect the achievements for them. If this is ever released again officially, don't pay over 6 bucks to play.

Seek Out: Spyborgs (Wii)

Capcom's forgotten beat 'em up made exclusively for the Wii. Sad thing too because this is a pretty fun game that doesn't get the love it deserves. Classic Capcom difficulty (don't worry, you can turn it down) collectables, extras, co-op and achievements make your time with Spyborgs worthwhile. The character designs feel very 2010's action cartoon, but it fits the setting. Supposedly, earlier versions looked even more cartoony but fan feedback inspired changes to the final product. You can play as three fighters a martial artist with swords, a tank-like brawler and a shooter. The game encourages team super-moves and hit combos. If you dig the story (that I can't remember) there's a prequel comic-book floating around out there as well as some cartoons on Youtube that coincided the release of the game. Would love to see Capcom come back to this at some point. A fun exclusive for the Wii.

Skip It: Monster Truck Madness (Nintendo 64)

Legitimately one of the worst games I've ever played and definitely the worst N64 game I've played (I'm not touching Carmageddon). Doesn't know if it wants to be a driving sim or a wacky kart-racer with weapons. Only reason I played this game was for the officially licensed WCW monster trucks that are in the game. The novelty of driving a truck with Hulk Hogan's 24-inch pythons on it loses it's appeal when you can't go past 4 mph without sailing clear across the map with no hope of ever getting back into the race. Physics are terrible and make this game legitimately unplayable. Awful hot garbage.

(image sources:)

UVList

Nintendo Life

The Guardian

Nightmare13 on Youtube

40 Winks on Steam

[nomoneytoplay]

No More Heroes

Bought for: $17.99

Played on: Switch

(Original) Release date: December 6, 2007

Developers: Grasshopper Manufacture, feelplus, GRASSHOPPER MANUFACTURE INC.

Publisher: Amazon Luna, Marvelous, Windows, Xseed Games

Game Type: Action-adventure, Hack and Slash.

Platforms: Microsoft Windows, Amazon Luna, PS3, Wii, Switch

ESRB Rating: M for Mature - Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Sexual Themes, Strong Language. 

Pros & Cons

Amazingly bizarre comic book style graphics.

Funny mature humor. 

Many references from popular Japanese anime. 

A small sandbox map filled with side missions, upgrade locations and a clothing store to customize your main character. You can also find shirts inside dumpsters, so I guess that makes the main character a dumpster diver...ISN’T THAT GREAT? 

Every location on the map and button command is highlighted by Pixel art.

The game is centered on boss battles, all the boss arenas have a theme for example baseball, school and military. Also each boss have a different fighting style that makes them standout. 

While the game is a hack and slash game, there are grappling moves that are based on Mexican Lucha Libre. They can be performed as a finishing move to small enemies and give you an advantage against main bosses.

THE BEST SAVE POINT IN GAMING, GO TO THE BATHROOM AND TAKE A DUMP.

It’s a hack and slash game, so expect repetitive gameplay.

While the smaller enemies might have different weapons and looks, you will feel like you have already fought this character. 

Graphics seem to lag a bit.

Non playable characters and some areas in the map tend to disappear. 

Special powers are amazing, but the game will sometimes award them when there’s no one to use it against. 

Search for seven (not dragon) balls to unlock abilities. Good abilities? yes. A hassle? Definitely!  

The music in this game is great. However “Heavenly Star” by Genki Rockets is not in the port...is not the same without that song!

Licensed to YouTube by Avex Inc. (on behalf of avex trax); CMRRA, LatinAutorPerf, BMI - Broadcast Music Inc., NexTone Inc. (Publishing), LatinAutor - UMPG, UNIAO BRASILEIRA DE EDITORAS DE MUSICA - UBEM, LatinAutor - SonyATV, UMPG Publishing, Sony ATV Publishing, SOLAR Music Rights Management, and 6 Music Rights Societies

My Experience:

I am a fan of all things bizarre, what got me interested in No More Heroes is the style of graphics and story. So of course I wanted to try this game and it is a great Wii game if you ever had the chance to play it. If not, look no further because it is on Switch and PC! I will not be comparing the Wii and Switch versions, but I will be telling you what to expect. 

When your main character is a loser, trust me the game will remind you, you are in for a treat to play as a fun anti-hero. Meet Travis Touchdown an otaku who, get this, has no money! Yeah go figure….is the ideal person for No Money To Play. He is a member of this organization of assassins looking to become number one among the ranks, earn some money….and get laid. 

What? That’s the premise, I don’t make this stuff up.

The story will follow the ranking systems, which will work as chapters, so you will know just how close you are to completing the game. But the source of income for Travis won’t stop there, you see in order to move up to the next fight. You will have to earn money, some of the entry fee might not be completely covered by the last fight you did. But not to worry, you can do small part time jobs like mowing grass, picking up trash, cleaning graffiti art and picking up scorpions. You can also go to the organization's office and ask for side contracts of people who need to be killed off.  

So a lot of your time will be spent getting money and using that money to buy upgrades to your beam sword, (oh yeah Travis main weapon is beam sword forgot to mention) go to the gym to train and purchase new outfits. So you will be doing some of these side activities a lot, in order to proceed. At some point it gets tiring but at least the game makes up for it with good story progression. 

No More Heroes is a game you really should not avoid playing, it is funny, fun and different. For a hack and slash game with a retro/modern look is a must play. Just remember you will be earning and spending your way to become the number one assassin...and possibly get laid. 

A score of 85 out 100 pennies

[davidmann95]

Comics this week (11/25/2020)?

Anonymous said: This week's floppies?

Anonymous said: This week’s comics?

Anonymous said: Have you read Red Hood #51 yet? It’s one of the best stories Jason has been in since Under the Red Hood and I don’t think I can go back to his normal stories after this

Anonymous said: God damn the Other History of the DC Universe has a pretty brutal call out of Superman, yet as a Superman fan I wasn’t offended or put off by it at all. Ridley specifically narrowed in on one of the key flaws of Superman, his need for public love and approval. What did you think of the portrayal of Supes?

Anonymous said: Thoughts on "The Other History of the DC Universe" and why it's already one of the greatest comics of all time?

Anonymous said: Thoughts on "Other History"?

X-Men #15: Heck yeah, Quiet Council discussing protocol, this is what I come to Jonathan Hickman’s X-Men for, and Cyclops getting his Captain America in Hickvengers moment.

X of Swords: Destruction: Look this rules and I guess I understood the Arakko story by the end but not the Otherworld/Captain Britain stuff, and it’s the former that’s gonna matter to Hick-Men going forward. But I don’t care if it put a ‘_ of 22′ counter across the top, if a crossover is for real going to demand you buy 22 comics in 3 months for you to see the entire core story you need to be screaming that from the rooftops with every single interview that it’s genuinely the whole thing that’s essential, because editorial claiming that you should totally get everything aside that’s not how crossovers have actually worked since the 90s no matter how many checklists and reading orders may be provided. This whole thing really sorta felt like the Infinity of this run, good stuff but ultimately Hickman serving a master beyond telling his own story - in this case trying to provide a forcible on-ramp from Marvel’s hottest book to all the ancillary related stuff.

Shang-Chi #3: This continues to be a really solid little mini with some poignant bits.

Power Pack #1: Haven’t read much if anything with them in it before, but as good as I could have hoped of Ryan North’s first post-Unbeatable Squirrel Girl Marvel gig.

Fantastic Four: Antithesis #4: Fine, but it would have been so much funnier if Waid’s last Marvel work before finally returning to DC had been that cancelled Squadron Supreme two-shot.

Daredevil #24: God so goooooood. And next issue’s next week?!

The Department of Truth #3: Imagine going literally any duration back in time, handing this to someone who’d read and even enjoyed his work, and explaining “THAT’S the level James Tynion is going to end up operating on”.

BANG!: My shop got the TPB this week of the recent mini by Kindt and Torres, and this is a top-notch reimagining of assorted 80s action/pseudo-pulp archetypes into something modern and strange and delightful, that while technically concluding somewhat tidily if the sales aren’t there is set up to go on for as long as the creative team has ideas for it. It taps into that America’s Best Comics/Planetary/Adventureman energy for a slightly different branch of genre storytelling, and even if like me it’s not an iteration you grew up with it’s definitely worth your money and attention.

Dark Nights: Death Metal: The Multiverse Who Laughs: It’s fine, whatever, just a buncha little Dark Multiverse stories...except for the last story, where the Twilight Zone-esque shocker final twist is that being black in America and thereby constantly experiencing the constant low-grade terror of the background radiation of systemic racism essentially acts as a vaccine against Scarecrow’s fear toxin, which...okay??? It’s written by a black man so it’s not as if I think it’s offensive, but particularly given that given the rules of the Dark Multiverse one of the three characters in there had to have imagined this possibility, and that then The Batman Who Laughs must’ve seen it and gone “Hell yes, all about this, definitely one of the 52 scariest of all possible universe”, it’s a serious candidate for weirdest comic of the year.

Legion of Superheroes #11: This is an excellent kickoff to a 3 or 4-issue arc so I have absolutely no idea how it’s going to reach some kind of season finale next month.

Action Comics #1027: Romita Jr.’s deteriorating by the day but I did like his take on the Phantom Zone, and I feel like this while taking it a bit farther than I’d prefer still convincingly sells the idea of Superman just being absolutely fed up after a truly awful day.

Justice League Dark #28: So is this the end of the run, Future State notwithstanding? Shocking how coherently it held together through the transition in writers, and I really hope it says and so does Ram V to take it in a direction wholly his own.

Wonder Woman #767: Substantially improved now that it’s not working off the completely bizarre and increasingly uncomfortable ‘buddy-cop’ premise.

Red Hood #51: GOOD NOW?! I checked it out because of the rec above and because I was curious how someone would try and salvage the concept post-Lobdell, and while it obviously isn’t literally by him, Shawn Martinbrough and Tony Akins are for all the world doing a Christopher Priest Relaunch with this tonally and aesthetically; I think it’s even a direct sequel to Priest’s Batman: The Hill oneshot from decades ago. I sure hope this isn’t a two-issue filler run with the book either cancelled or reshuffled after Future State, because this has all the makings of an excellent crime comic.

Suicide Squad #11: I’ll probably check out Taylor’s Revolutionaries book once that happens, so I guess mission accomplished. Fine little run.

The Other History of the DC Universe #1: I heard someone on Twitter say this is the best thing that’s come out of superhero comics since HoXPoX, and I don’t know if I’m on that level with it but that is absolutely a fair conclusion. I’ll be honest, I had measured expectations here from having seen some of Ridley’s past comics work - I figured it’d be a perfectly solid book with a few standout moments, but instead it throws out all the haymakers in the world and emerges as one of my favorite comics of 2020, even given we’re only seeing the one issue this year. I can only judge so much because it feels like a lot of what we see in this debut is going to be completely reframed through the perspectives of other characters in subsequent entries, but standalone this is a brutal, intimate, brilliant character study set against the backdrop of a hazy dreamscape vision of the history of DC reformatted as needed to fit the concerns in play here (though the dates presented are so specific I wonder if aspects of this are leftovers of the original version of 5G), and probably as close as we’re going to see to a ‘trilogy capper’ to The Golden Age and New Frontier. That’s why the take on Superman here works, as much a product of the worst of his mass-consciousness image as the Superman of DKR but meshed with a profound understanding of what makes him tick as a character that makes the inherently compromised version on display here palatable, and a believable extrapolation of the Silver/Bronze Age’s version of him when that’s the era this series is thus far working as a contrast to. And god, the art. I always liked him fine enough, but even with finishes by Andrea Cucchi and colors by Jose Villarrubia I never could have imagined Giuseppe Camuncoli putting out the likes of this, and Steve Wands’s lettering is doing at least equal legwork in defining the look of the book. There have been several impressive titles out of Black Label at this point - Last Knight on Earth, Rorschach, Strange Adventures, and especially Harleen - but nothing else has come close to demonstrating the potential power of the imprint as a vehicle for creators taking this iconography and doing something radical and unrestrained and phenomenal with it.

[niseamstories]

Tl;dr: The heavily revised physical edition Dreams of the Dying, my novel set in the Enderal universe, is now available for pre-order via Amazon via my website. Special early bird prices are $32.99 for the hardcover with an illustrated appendix, $12.99 for the paperback, and $2.99 for the eBook. It’s a prequel featuring Jespar, but, for reasons outlined below, opens up a new canon. Amazon.de has yet to pick up the listing for the physical editions, but they are incredibly slow—I’m working to get that done.

Hey guys,

This is Nicolas, the writer of Enderal speaking. As some of you may know, I’ve been working on an Enderal novel, Dreams of the Dying. First released as a web version, I spent the past year completely rewriting and improving the book, adding and removing chapters, revising characters arcs, and improving plotting, worldbuilding, and style. In total, I rewrote the web edition three times from cover to cover. Well, it’s finally time: Dreams of the Dying is now available for pre-order on Amazon!

The English version of Dreams of the Dying will release on October 20. A German (and perhaps Russian) translation will follow as soon as possible.

Please note that this is a rendering and that the actual hardcover looks slightly different, with same format but a matte dust jacket and a matte, laminated case. A big shoutout to Dominik Derow for the cover artwork, Johanna Krünes for her cover design, and Joyce, for her tips, patience, and help with this product shot.

Jaaros Oonai, magnate, visionary, and master of coin, doesn’t muse about whether the glass is half empty or half full—only about ways to fill it.

Jespar Dal’Varek, drifter, mercenary, and master of avoidance, doesn’t muse at all. He’d rather just drink the damn wine.

Two lives that could not be more different intertwine when a strange contract leads Jespar to the tropical island empire of Kilay, the wealthiest nation of the Civilized World.

The mission turns out to be as bizarre as it is lucrative: Jaaros Oonai, the country’s merchant king, knows something that could stop a catastrophe, but he has fallen into an inexplicable coma. Together with an ex-priestess and a psychic, Jespar must enter Oonai’s dreams and find this secret.

What should have been a fresh start rapidly turns into a nightmare, as Jespar slides into a spiral of disturbing dreams, political intrigue, and clashing ideals, where not only the fate of Kilay but his own sanity are at stake. It’s not long before he learns that only a spider’s thread divides the sleeping and the awoken.

And that there’s no greater enemy than one’s own mind.

The hardcover edition comes with an appendix that includes additional lore, such as an illustrated bestiary, a guide to Kilayan fashion, illustrations of the (re-envisioned) seven Light-Born, a short guide to the Makehu language, and much more.

Even though Dreams could be considered a prequel, I didn’t write this as an expansion or fan service but rather as my debut, and a book that stands on its own. This edition differs vastly from the web version, and, though it is up to you to judge, I’m a million times happier with it.

If you’re on the fence and would like to wait for reviews—here’s hoping I get enough—I fully understand. However, if you would buy the novel, you’d do me a great favor if you considered pre-ordering. One of the biggest challenges as an indie author is exposure; since Amazon registers all pre-orders as Day 1 sales, a lot of Day 1 sales would give me a chance to climb in the novel’s category and boost visibility for readers outside the Enderal community. To make this worth it to you, the book will sell for a special early bird price of $32.99 for the hardcover with the illustrated appendix, $12.99 for the paperback, and $2.99 for the eBook, as opposed to $37, $16, and $5. Just follow the link to my website and click pre-order—it will take you right to your local Amazon marketplace.

Unfortunately, Amazon.de has yet to pick up the listing for the physical editions, but they are incredibly slow—I’m working to get that done.

I’m aware the hardcover is in the upper price range, but it uses the best materials, and the illustrated appendix cost a lot to produce. It’s also the only edition where I make a more solid revenue, so see it as a way to support my work, if you wish.

If you’re a patron and pledged $110 or more since October 2018, I’ll be in touch a few weeks before launch to send out your signed hardcover copy right away. Thanks again for your support, Dreams became a far pricier project than I anticipated, and your patronage helped me immensely in covering the cost.

Lastly, a word of warning before you pre-order: For the paperback edition, I took the drastic step to separate Dreams and all future Enderal novels from the game canon. There are two good reasons for this. First, the Vyn games were created over 17 years, the earliest one being Myar Aranath in 2003. Fascinating as this idea may be, it also means that the lore of the Vyn universe was created by a myriad of different authors (the latest and current one being me when I joined the team in 2011). As a result of this, the lore of Vyn has always felt a little disjointed and inconsistent; I initially took these differences as challenges to conquer, but the longer I wrote, the more I realized how much these inconsistencies bothered me and how hard they made it to write the story and the universe I envisioned. Let me assure you that this decision wasn’t easy and does not reflect a lack of appreciation for the work of the previous workers. I stayed faithful to the lore whenever possible.

The second reason is a trickier one: Jespar. This character has been in my mind for nine years now, and I love him with all my heart. Still, the more I immersed myself in the story of Dreams, the more I grew aware of how incredibly constraining it was to write a story where the end is already written; because Jespar is alive in 8234 a. St. (1234 P.L. in new canon lore), you all know he will never be in real danger. Again, there is undoubtedly an intriguing challenge to writing such a “safe” story, but—similar to the lore, I increasingly felt like I was writing with fetters on. 

So, what does this mean? Aside from the fact that anything can now happen, the consequences aren’t that drastic. Enderal is still Enderal, and Jespar is still Jespar, albeit thirteen years younger and at another point in his life. I changed and expanded details about his backstory, but his essential conflicts are still the same, only refined. Major changes include modifications to the Light-Born (their aspects, how they came to be, when and how they disappeared, and the societal consequences of that disappearance), the time frame of the different eras, and a complete rework of the magic system. Minor changes include dates, the spelling of names and locations (Kilay, not Kilé), and others details I tweaked for consistency and worldbuilding coherence.

And that’s about it. I’m aware and grateful for the love many of you have for this world, and believe me, I did my best to honor it; I just realized I cannot tell a good story with one arm tied behind my back. If it’s any solace, I can promise you that new book canon is ironclad – I’m pathologically obsessive about consistency and cohesive worldbuilding, but without a solid framework, that’s a recipe for frustration and disaster. See it as a different but nearby eventuality: details and fates may differ, but the soul of the world remains the same.

If all that didn’t scare you off, pre-order away! I also set up a Goodreads page for the book, so you can add it to your To-Be-Reads or even recommend it to your friends – this is an indie project by all means, so I’m grateful for every bit of support. Please keep in mind that the Goodreads is for the revised edition, not the web edition, so if you’re planning to leave a low rating, I’d be grateful if you waited to read the actual book in October 20. It’s a different experience.

Last but not least, a big thank you to everyone who supported me on Patreon, created fanart for Enderal, or just let me know they enjoyed this game and were looking forward to the novel. This novel was meant to be a 6-month stint but, boy, did it turn into something more. It sounds sentimental, but this last year has been rough personally, and your support and encouragement kept me going.

I hope this story will live up to your expectations.

Best,

Nicolas

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[365days365movies]

March 1, 2021: The Hobbit (1977) (Part 1)

In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit.

When I was 9, my school let us read a very special book, originally meant for kids, but beloved by everyone. My folks and I went to Borders Books (FUCK ME, I miss Borders), and we got an illustrated copy of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit. I can’t find that book, but if I ever find it again, Imma buy it IMMEDIATELY, I tell you what. And...oh shit, it’s on Amazon for $12? 

Well. I just made that purchase, I guess. But yeah, I loved that book when I was a kid, and this was during the same year that Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy began, with Fellowship, of course. And I wouldn’t end up watching those until a few years later, but I loved those too when I saw them. And I’ve NEVER seen the abridged version, by the way, I’ve only ever seen the extended editions.

Although, I can’t call myself a hardcore fan. I’ve never read the Silmarillion, for example. Although, weirdly, I wanted it as a kid at some point, so I was almost there. But no, I ended up getting into comic books hardcore instead, so I can’t tell you the history of Tom Bombadil, but I can tell you about at least one of the fuckin’ 87 tieles that the Legion of Super-Heroes has been involved in. I’m not gonna like it though.

...Yes, I will, who am I kidding, I love the Legion. Anyway, I’ve still always been a fan of the franchise, and I was extremely excited when Jackson announced that he’d be doing an adaptation of The Hobbit! Seriously, I WAS FUCKING PUMPED, you have no idea. I re-read the book, I was super-excited...and then Harry Potter changed EVERYTHING. Kind of.

See, Harry Potter’s development as a two films made from one book seemed to kick off a trend. Breaking Dawn and Mockingjay are the two that immediately come to mind, as does this film. However, to be fair...that’s probably a coincidence. Yeah, this film was originally developed as two parts, WAY before Deathly Hallows got that treatment. And even then, Jackson and Del Toro had difficulty breaking it up into two parts, and three ended up being easier. Still...the change from two-to-three does feel a little connected to that trend.

Anyway, in celebration of that decision, I’m gonna break this review into three parts! Yes. Really. I want to see if it works. And so, let’s talk about the other most famous adaptation of this book by talking about its creators.

Yup. Rankin-Bass did 2D-animated cartoons, too! And this was one of their most famous ones, dating back to 1977. But wait! There’s more! This was followed by Ralph Bakshi’s version of Lord of the Rings by a different studio. You know, this one?

Yeah, that one. It was only based on the first two books, Fellowship and Towers. But it was technically unconnected to the Rankin-Bass version. Which is why it was REALLY weird when Rankin-Bass came out with an adaptation of the third book, Return of the King, right afterwards!

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. Because both of Rankin-Bass’ specials were animated by a Japanese studio called Topcraft, who’d actually worked with Rankin-Bass for years. But then, they went bankrupt a few years later, and was bought by Isao Takahata, Toshio Suzuki, and...Hayao Miyazaki. And it was renamed as...

So, this is a Hobbit adaptation produced by the Rudolph people and animated by the people who would eventually become Studio Ghibli. Well, uh...holy fucking shit. Let’s DO THIS BABY. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/3)

As we’re wont to do in this story, we head to Hobbiton in the Shire, where we meet Bilbo Baggins (Orson Bean). A simple Hobbit in a simple home, with a happy and simple life. But one day, he’s approached by Gandalf (John Huston), who seeks a burglar to help with the mission of a group of dwarves, led by Thorin Oakenshield (Hans Conried).

We also immediately start off with two songs from the original book, and I have to say that I like them a but better in the Jackson movies, but they’re still well performed here. Anyway, after dinner, the true goal of their quest is given. Beneath Lonely Mountain, the ancestral home of the Dwarves, there was a kingdom ruled by the King Under the Mountain, Thorin’s grandfather.

Through reading the lyrics of the song “Far over the Misty Mountains,” Thorin tells the tale of the takeover of the Dwarves’ great golden hoard by the dragon Smaug. Bilbo is tasked to help the Dwarves steal back the treasure stolen from them. And, while he’s extremely reluctant to be a part of all this, Gandalf basically forces him to, the pushy bastard. And Bilbo’s Greatest Adventure now lies ahead!

Speaking of, here’s the song “The Greatest Adventure”, sung by Glenn Yarborough, who is the living personification of vibrato. Fuckin’ seriously, this guy’s voice is ridiculous, but I love it so much. As the night passes underneath Glenn Yarborough’s hypnotically shaky voice, and uncertain, Bilbo stares out at the moon. Once it’s over, we’re on our way to the Misty Mountains.

Bilbo’s having a tough time with the long journey and rough weather, and it doesn’t get much better when they encounter a trio of trolls. They send out Bilbo to try and steal some mutton from them, but he’s IMMEDIATELY a failure, and also manages to tell the trolls that the dwarves are present. Nice one, Bilbo. The trolls catch all of the dwarves, although Bilbo manages to escape. 

The trolls argue about how to cook the dwarves, but before they get to do anything, Gandalf shows up and summons the dawn, turning the trolls into stone and saving the dwarves. While they’re initially quite frustrated by Bilbo’s failure, he makes it up by discovering a horde of goods and weapons stolen by the trolls. This is also where Bilbo gets his classic weapon, Sting.

Gandalf, cheeky bastard that he is, suddenly reveals a map that he’s kept secret from Thorin, its rightful owner. Bilbo, a classic cartomaniac, is able to interpret the map. But there are also runes that they can’t quite read. And so, Gandalf brings them to his friend, Elrond (), who’s wearing a sick-ass glittery tiara that’s hovering off his head. How come Hugo Weaving didn’t have that?

Anyway, Elrond identifies the swords that Thorin and Gandalf grabbed as Orcrist, the Goblin-Cleaver and Glamdring, the Foe-Hammer, because FUCK YEAH, BABY, those are some fuckin’ NAMES! WHOOOOOO!

Anyway, he also points them in the direction of the mountain, and shows them hidden features to the map. They head through the mountains after this, and rest in a cave. Unfortunately, this cave is on Goblin territory, and the group (sans Gandalf, who’s disappeared to make out with Cate Blanchett or whatever) is quickly ambushed by a group of now-horned Goblins, who chant their song as they go “Down, Down, to Goblin-Town”. Which is a song that I love, unironically. It compels me to sing along.

The Goblins nearly kill them when they discover Orcrist in Thorin’s possession, but they’re saved by the sudden appearance of Gandalf with the glowing sword Glamdring. He kills the Great Goblin, and the group run out with the Goblins in hot pursuit. Well, except for Bilbo.

Yeah, Bilbo falls into a cavern below the mountain, and the dwarves think him gone for good. However, he’s miraculously safe on the ground, having landed in an underground aquifer, in which lives THE GREATEST CHARACTER IN THE MIDDLE-EARTH FRANCHISE FUCKIN’ AT ME I DARE YOU

And just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about the film version only, I’m talking about Gollum/Smeagol in general. Granted, I don’t want a film starring him or anything (coughCruellacoughcoughMaleficentcoughcoughClaricecoughcough), but I love this dissociative little dude so much. He’s one of my favorite fantasy characters in general, and is also maybe the best example of a sympathetic villain, in film at least.

OK, to be fair, I love Andy Serkis’ version of the character a LOT, like a LOT a lot, and it’s a great version of the character. OK, so what do I think of this version? He’s...interesting, actually. If I’m honest, I kinda like him. This is similar to how I always pictured Gollum when I was a kid.

I mean, listen to this description from the book, yeah?

Deep down here by the dark water lived old Gollum, a small slimy creature. I don't know where he came from, nor who or what he was. He was Gollum - as dark as darkness, except for two big round pale eyes in his thin face...He was looking out of his pale lamp-like eyes for blind fish, which he grabbed with his long fingers as quick as thinking.

I dunno, that does sound more like this version of Gollum to me, just saying. Anyway, while Gollum is off fishing in the water, Bilbo gets up on the shore, where he finds a little golden ring Not important, just a ring, definitely means nothing at all, NOTHING AT ALL, NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

The hungry Gollum (Brother Theodore) happens upon Bilbo, precious, wonders if Bilbo would taste good, and is basically about to kill him for his sweet hobbit meat, before Bilbo takes out Sting. Now afraid, Gollum offers a game of riddles. The two make a deal: if Bilbo wins at a game of riddles, Gollum will show him the  way out. But if Gollum wins, precious will eat him raaaaaaaw and wrrrrrrrrrriggling!

The riddles commence, in a super-fuckin’-classic moment, and also ends with maybe the most bullshit moment in all of fantasy lore. After clever riddles with answers involving eggs, wind, and time, Bilbo’s last riddle is “What’s in my pocket?” The fuck, Bilbo, that’s absolute BULLSHIT!

Not that it matters. Bilbo wins, but Gollum goes to find his ring to show it to Bilbo before he takes him away. Thing is, though, that’s what was in Bilbo’s pocket, which Gollum quickly figures out, my precious. He’s about to kill Bilbo to get back his birthday present, precious, but Bilbo discovers the secret trick of the ring: it turns the wearer invisible, AND THAT WILL NEVER BE A BAD THING EVER.

Gollum thinks that Bilbo’s escaped and runs after him toward the exit. This, of course, leads Bilbo towards the exit inadvertently, and he follows Gollum, then jumps over him to get back. To which Gollum screams the following:

Thief! Thief! Baggins! We hates it! Hates it! Forever!

I hear you, buddy. I hear you. Well, once Bilbo escapes, he reconvenes with the rest, and shares his adventure in the cave, but leaves out the ring. And Gandalf seems to know, based on his dialogue. And I checked, and he figured it out in the book and Jackson movie, too. And I gotta say...WHAT THE FUCK GANDALF

I mean...DUDE. CHECK UP on that shit. Do you wizard job, man! If you’d been like, “Dude...you didn’t find a magic ring that turns you invisible, ight, because we’re FUCKED if you did”, NONE OF THE LORD OF THE RINGS WOULD’VE HAPPENED, AND BOROMIR WOULD STILL BE ALIVE

Everybody talks about the fuckin’ eagles, but WHY DO I NEVER HEAR ANYONE MENTION THIS SHIT? Gandalf the Grey: Middle-Earth’s most irresponsible asshole, I swear...

This seems like a good place to pause, actually. See you in the next part!