#as I think back on baby gay me in the early 00s

[sadaveniren]

This is just me being sappy and gay about music and queerness and fandom under the cut but I just want to say it

One of the highlights of my trip to Iowa was definitely the moment me and @jaerie were alone in her car Malchik Gay by t.A.T.u came on shuffle. Jenna is pretty open about being someone who doesn’t really listen to female singers - like the entire ride with Alex from the Des Moines airport I heard exactly 2 female singers - so like out of this playlist of 48000 songs or something it’s fucking Malchik Gay the moment the two of us were alone.

We both doubled over in laughter and early 2000s queer bonding because OF FUCKING COURSE it’s t.A.T.u. Like there clearly could be no one else that came on.

And like here’s the thing. She grew up in the Midwest, I grew up on the east coast. While we both were heavily involved in internet fandom during this time we were in vastly different fandoms. We only met in adulthood in 1D fandom and that’s when she became one of my closest friends of all time, but we both were openly queer in the early 00s and so we have such similar experiences from that time even not knowing one another or living near each other.

So of fucking course we both listened to fucking t.A.T.u! We were baby gays and despite everything people might hate about them now because it’s not “progressive” and they weren’t actually gay and they were just being used to make money from fucking music labels, they were so important to us as young queer kids in ways that 20 years later still hits us and connects us to each other.

And idk. I just… really love that. I hope that in 20 years some younger Louis and Harry and 1D fans get to meet up with each other when they’re in their 30s, going to some other show or event (because fandom doesn’t end when you’re 20!) and All this time comes on or Lights Up or Only the Brave or End of the Day and they look at each other and go FUCK YOU WERE THERE TOO! Even when we didn’t know each other, even when we felt alone in our experiences in real life and all we might have had was music and pop culture we now have someone who was there with us too, experiencing the same moments in time we were.

Maybe watching Louis have the rainbow mega mix lights now (or Harry lifting a flag during TPWK) will be to them what watching t.A.T.u’s MTV Movie Awards was to us. Not seen as perfect by any means then, and definitely not looked at favorably now by people who weren’t there, but still so fucking important to them.

Idk. Be kind to each other. Let people enjoy what they enjoy because it might be all they have in the moment. 🏳️‍🌈 Happy Pride everyone.

[chaos0pikachu]

Your post reminds me of the early 2000s when people were speculating on which Disney Channel and Nickelodeon actors were actually together IRL (which is weird enough to speculate on the romantic lives of children) and how crazy the tabloids were in general back then when it came to actors personal/romantic lives.

I think people in Western culture tend to downplay the prevalence of that behavior nowadays because it’s not as front and center as it used to be but it does still happen and a lot of the time it’s still used by studios to promote their shows. Definitely not a phenomenon unique to Asia.

Omg you just made me remember the Lindsey Lohan, Hilary Duff, Aaron Carter 'love' triangle that existed back then lmaoooo what a time

I do think western fans, particularly ones in BL/GL fandoms, are so hyper focused on those fandoms/sub-fandoms they either don't pay attention to what's happening outside of those fandoms or don't know general media history. I don't blame~~ ppl for this fandom is ultimately a hobbyist space first and foremost, but I do think it can lead to damaging assumptions about non-American/British cultures and a prevalent belief that these types of occurrences only happen in BL/GL fandoms which can - and has in my observations - lead to some xenophobic beliefs about East Asian cultures in general.

This is a bigger problem in general of xenophobia when it comes to consuming and/or engaging with non-white/non-american media like this belief that Korean media isn't horny in general isn't just something I see BL fans saying but also ppl who watch romance kdramas b/c that's their main focus, romance kdramas not Korean media in general. Which is vast and varied, and exists beyond Crash Landing Into You, Guardian, Squid Game and Parasite

(sidenote, everyone knows Bong Joon-ho for Parasite but his filmography is varied and amazing, The Host is such a clever subversive of a B monster movie and Snowpiercer is probably one of my fave films of all time and Chris Evans best on screen performance to date)

Like, I see folks saying "shipping" a lot when it comes to fans believing idk Mew and Gulf were irl dating when in my fandom experience that shit was called "tin hatting" b/c it was a conspiracy. There was a fine line difference between ppl who like just enjoyed and liked Dom and Elijah's friendship and wrote silly (even if it was sexy) fanfic about them and the ppl who literally stalked Elijah to a gay bar once b/c they legitimately believed Dom and Elijah were in a secret romance. Like way to much fandom shit, Jared and Jensen also popularized tin hatting or rather their fandom did. J2 crawled so Larries could fucking RUN. Back in the days of LiveJournal there were anon communities that had threads with 1000s of comments about how Jared and Jensen were secretly in a relationship b/c omg look at the way they act at cons! They're so touch-feely! They make innuendo jokes!

We'd call this "fan service" with a Thai acting pair and I would argue that's what Jared and Jensen were doing, fan service just in the early 00s. Idk if they still do this at cons I don't follow SPN anymore but you saw the same comments about like the 1D members. In my experience I would argue western tin hatters of western celebs are worse than what I see from BL fans even with the "fan service" or whatever b/c there's a sense of heightened conspiracy think involved. And again, it's not just for same-sex couples the actors for Outlander have been harassed by tinhats for almost as long as the show has been on (so like 8-ish years). At the height of the popularity for Scandal tin hats were saying Kerry Washington's baby was gonna come out light skinned "proving" it was her white costars (for those who don't know Kerry is a Black woman and her husband is a Black man, her former costar is a white man).

idk where I was going with all this but like, this isn't something specific to Thailand or Korea etc it's not even something specific to same sex pairings. I would argue Thailand's just learned how to monetize off people's already pre-existing lack of boundaries towards public figures.

[mywifeleftme]

162: Shamir // Ratchet

Ratchet Shamir 2015, XL

Shamir got his roses at age 20 when his debut Ratchet arrived in 2015 (nice Pitchfork review, some ad placements etc.), but it wouldn’t be long before he’d be dropped by glitzy British label XL Recordings (Basement Jaxx, M.I.A., Jai Paul etc.), probably because of his documented mental health issues and the fact that he wanted to go in a completely different direction from the sassy, Drag Race-ready electro-disco that had made Ratchet an indie hit. Shamir is like, 28, now, which makes it seem both premature and a little cruel to write about Ratchet in the style of an obituary, but his subsequent efforts suggest that the pop wunderkind who made this record isn’t walking back through that door. Shamir’s later work is both more political and more insular, built on bricky, harsh synth beats reminiscent of depressive early ‘10s glitch pop acts like Baths. In many ways, it is admirably uncompromising, but the music is also didactic, as though he doesn’t trust his audience to find their own spaces for interpretation.

Still, wherever he goes from here, Ratchet stands a good chance of being remembered as a minor touchstone of its era’s dance music. Its sound feels rooted in the UK Garage of SBTRKT or Disclosure, but even at 20 Shamir seemed to have an encyclopedic knowledge of ‘90s and early ‘00s gay club and ballroom music: I hear notes of early handbag house (think RuPaul’s “Supermodel”), Eurodance, bounce, and whatever tag you want to group today’s glut of drag queen music under. Shamir (who is nonbinary but uses he/him pronouns) has a countertenor voice that has been compared to Prince in its capacity to switch between masculine and feminine gender presentations, but the impression I get from Shamir’s voice is quite different. With Prince you are hearing the effort of his artifice: the way he strains to reach his falsetto, and is relatively limited within it, gives his feminine vocals an inherent emotional tension that he often resolves in a showstopping shriek. By contrast, Shamir’s natural range lies between what we would normally peg as a masculine or feminine voice. He is able to access the full palette of his remarkable abilities in this between-space without needing to affect a clearly gendered posture. Like Taylor Swift, a key songwriting influence, Shamir’s lyrics aim for the kind of pithy, affirming lines people caption their Instagram posts with (“falling from grace but falling oh so gracefully”; “if I’m a demon, baby you’re the beast that made me”; “Don’t try me I’m not a free sample”), but with music this broad and giddy, peanut butter phrases like these are the best chance of making anything stick.

In 2023, there aren’t a lot of people who think about Ratchet on a daily basis, but for an artist, an early taste of success that doesn’t bloom into lasting stardom can become a millstone. I hope that, despite his muse taking him elsewhere, Shamir’s able to look back on this record as the accomplishment it is. Most musicians never manage to make a record as poised, uplifting, and complete unto itself as this one. Ratchet’s something to be proud of.

162/365

[pandor-pandorkful]

When I was high school age I just assumed I was asexual, because I knew I wasn't attracted to boys and I was fat so therefore society at large treated me as a desexualized entity. My homeschool group peers laughed at me when I pondered if I might be gay. The early 00's was a shitty time to try to figure out sexual orientation stuff...

I started college a year early at 17 in 2003, and my lesbian feelings were suddenly confirmed and validated by a bisexual freshman friend who I think musta just KNOWN on sight that I was a repressed baby gay. She proceeded to expand my world with queer foreign films and just by being a beautiful uncontrollable spitfire that made the university admin uncomfortable. XD

We tried starting a GSA at our supposedly progressive (but in actuality cultish and craven) college, but got shot down because the administration were a bunch of simpering cowards "afraid to send a message" (that might upset their donors, but also that was just THE excuse in the 2000's for EVERYONE. And we were expected to take it as a non-negative response whenever it was rolled out! *GAG*)

My bi friend quit/transferred after that first year (understandable, the university was absolutely stifling) and flew back to California, and I never heard from her again. :-/ I don't know why we never exchanged emails or anything, other than email still being new enough at that point that not everybody had an email...

I definitely had a crush on her. U_U

[weasterberry]

1988 baby, and I remember in the early 00s my friend/next door neighbor sitting me down to show me something called Mall Monkeys (it was bad, don't look it up) and from there I found Megatokyo (a nam I haven't thought about in decades considering how ubiquitous and popular it was back in the day and how it was the first "good" webcomic I read). and Ctrl+Alt+Delete, which I have never stopped thinking about because Loss.jpg. Though, while it's technically probably like my 5th or 6th early webcomic, I WOULD also like to shout out Boy Meets Boy, the OG internet gay boys (and they were roommates) from @snakewife who is active on tumblr and somehow still makes comics about queer people getting up to shenanigans (albeit not exactly as whimsical ones) to this day. A part of our heritage indeed. Oh no, now I'm nostalgic about weird old comics and will have to go check if any of them are still alive... Maybe share some examples from when the art form was truly in its golden age of experimentation and community. A LESSON IS LEARNED BUT THE DAMAGE IS IRREVERSIBLE dead since 2013 but still online

The Perry Bible Fellowship - still updating apparently

A Softer World I swear this comic stopped updating when I was like 22 and then it started again 5 years later, then stopped again, then started again. Anyways they say they're done but I don't believe them

9 Planets without Intelligent Life

Note: I'm a 1997 baby, so obviously my choices are largely influenced by what was popular when I was in school - and what was popular with my friend group.

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31, 1990 I deliberately slept till 8:30 this evening as Andy and I couldn’t have auditioned cuz Andy’s without a car till it’s fixed. Brenda’s also without a car, but tomorrow morning at 7:00, she and Kevin are going to look at a car this guy’s selling for $600. Or, I should say instead, they’re going to pick it up. They’ve already seen the car. So anyway, I made myself sleep long and late to reverse my schedule for a week or so. Then it’ll go back to nights till I want to or need to reverse it again.

I’ll tape Unsolved Mysteries, but I’ll have to miss Hunter. I’m also gonna cancel Martha.

Early in the morning, Brenda’s gonna call me so I can get stamps to mail my mail which is all set and ready to go. Also, she’s going to take me to Food Mart, then when she brings me home I’m gonna do laundry.

Tonight I finished putting up my pictures in a different way and it looks really nice. I also changed the cat box and swept the kitchen floor. After I finish my tea, I’ll listen to some music and do some drawing.

Later…

John isn’t working today. Meanwhile, I tried to get a hold of Dr. Statz, but she’s on vacation I guess for a couple of weeks. I don’t know if I wrote about her but one of the 3 times I was in the ER, she treated me. I’m 100% sure the male nurse, working with her was gay and I’m about 85% sure she was gay. I was just totally touched by her and it was weird cuz she wasn’t overly attractive. There was just something about her, you know, like Linda’s song goes; It’s not that you’re attractive, but oh my heart grew active when you came into view. And I had a crush on her. Sweetie pie.

And ever since then, I haven’t forgotten about her. I can hear God too, saying, “Uh-uh, against the rules.” I think he wants me with someone less attractive so I can learn to look at only people’s personalities. But I’d never be with Brenda if she were a bad person. Maybe another reason God has is that if I get dumped, I won’t be as hurt as much as I would be if I were overwhelmed. I still long for that someone with the character and personality I most desire and to feel that special once-in-a-lifetime sexual spark.

Please, God, please! Answer my prayers. Do it someday very soon. Please. God, what if I made a deal with you right here in this book? And that deal is if I promise to try my hardest to quit smoking, then will you think about it? Also, a beginning break with my singing, then I’ll pursue it from there. I hope you put some big and serious consideration into my requests. If singing and having that special someone and a baby are 3 too many things to ask for, then I’ll understand. I’ll settle for the singing and the special person only and give up the baby without ever asking for anything else.

Later…

Around 9:00 this morning Kevin and Brenda came and got me and dropped me off at Food Mart. Then, I waited a good long exhausting wait while Brenda brought Kevin to Palmer, then back to pick me up. After she picked me up she brought me to Shopper’s where I got a photocopy made of my birth certificate and stamps for my mail which I mailed in the box right outside the store.

While waiting for Brenda at Food Mart I saw Allison. We spoke briefly and she said she’d give me a call soon.

So all my errands are done except for Friday when I get the pigs more food and their big bail of sawdust. I still need to call Philip and John and tomorrow I’m definitely, no matter what, going to go see Paula. Jessie’s probably gonna call today. She’s another one I need to see, and she and Brenda can meet each other.

I finally got back here at 10:30 this morning and I fell asleep till 3:30. I’m exhausted but I’m gonna stay this way so that at 11:00 tonight, after Hunter, I can go to sleep. I better not wake up either, like around 3:00 in the morning and not be able to go back to sleep till 6:00 or 7:00, then sleep till mid-late afternoon. I want to be up in the mornings from tomorrow until next Tuesday. That means the next 5 mornings.

Later…

When I got up I made a pork chop and some angel hair pasta and got a call from my sister. Tammy said Ma said to her, “I don’t want Jodi alone for her b-day, Chanukah or Thanksgiving.”

Tammy also said Ma said to drive in and get me in the morning and bring me back the next day. Tammy said she then tried to explain to Mom that it’s impossible with 3 kids, the business, and with Bill working till 6:30 at night. Then Tammy said Ma pulled her typical line of, “Good-bye, Tammy.”

I guess Ma fails to remember that I’m not alone. I’m not single anymore and my girlfriend is fully willing to drive me down this Saturday and for Thanksgiving and also for my birthday and Chanukah which Tammy says she’ll combine into one big party. I mean, Tammy’s right. She can’t up and go drive for that amount of time and it’s pretty strange why Ma’s so concerned about me not being alone for all these things.

I’ve spent them alone before but then again when your own God damn aunt and uncle invite you over for Thanksgiving like they did last year, then conveniently forget to call you and pick you up, that’s not my fault, is it?

Another thing Tammy mentioned is that Ma bragged about all this time she was gonna spend with Tammy, Bill and the kids which turned out to be a joke. Tammy said she wanted to spend the day with me. HA. It was a wonderful hour we had.

All I can say is, I’ve had it with this family shit and I don’t wanna know from nothing. I haven’t had to deal with it for 5 years and I’m not about to deal with it now. Also, I’m not going to Florida either. A week’s vacation isn’t worth a week of her bullshit along with it. I mean, that’s not how my vacation packages or anyone else’s should be. Really, if it were an ad it’d read like this: We’ll give you a week’s free vacation with all expenses paid, but the catch is that you must put up with Dureen O’s bullshit.

Another case of taking the bad with the good. Fuck that!

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1990 I wish I was just waking up, but instead, I am wide awake. I slept till 6pm. I’ve been so zonked out cuz I’ve had to be up at a certain time for a certain reason and wasn’t getting enough hours of sleep.

I have many errands to do such as buying pig and cat food. I also need a bail of sawdust, stamps, and to make a photocopy of my birth certificate.

The mouse, who’s getting bigger, is now riding his wheel, and boy is Shadow ever getting big fast.

Andy came over earlier and we made some phone calls to people who had ads in the Advocate to sell things.

Andy’s really upset. He’s having trouble with Miles. Needs to find a job. Needs to pay bills. Got in a car accident which he’s going to have to pay almost $1,000 to fix. It’s not fair that some drunken girl, who did get arrested, slammed into a parked car, then Andy slammed into her, yet Andy’s at fault. He was wearing his seatbelt and the scary thing is, is that if I was in the car, I probably wouldn’t have had my seatbelt on and I’d have gone through the windshield. Who knows how many stitches I’d have to have gotten in my face. There are so many fucked up drivers it’s amazing. And very, very scary, too.

I’m so pissed at myself cuz I just remembered I was supposed to have called Philip 3 days ago, and John, and see Paula.

Later…

I’m writing here on the waterbed and I put the mouse on the floor inside his plastic ball, and Shadow’s having a hell of a time watching him and wishing so desperately to play with him. Or eat him. It’s quite a funny sight to see when he’s in his ball running around with Shadow chasing him. It also was so cute when Shadow was sitting in Toffee’s cage. He doesn’t want to harm the other animals, but he may accidentally cuz his playing may be too rough for them cuz he claws and bites.

Those drawings I did really blew my mind. I never could draw a line on a piece of paper before and I feel good yet weird. It’s like - what’s next? I discover one thing after another I can do. If not perfectly, then better than most.

Here comes Shadow once again to enjoy Gremlin after taking a dump in his shit box.

Me and Andy may possibly go to an audition together early this evening so I hope I get some sleep before then. Right now I’m gonna go listen to music. I haven’t listened at all today. After that, hopefully, I’ll get some sleep, get up early in the afternoon and get my errands done, call John and Philip and maybe even see Paula.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1990 I fell asleep at 5:30 PM after being up 21½ hours and of course, almost an hour ago I woke right up. I was kind of hoping I’d sleep till 5 AM. Anyway, guess what I’m doing today at 9 AM? Taking the police exam. I called Boston after talking to Tony today out here on Locust St. during a car accident. He said the people weren’t hurt too bad and that it had to do with insurance and he was tired of supporting the welfare recipients. So, I mentioned the exam to him and some other cop and they said that maybe the test was canceled due to all the layoffs, and to call Boston and check. When I called, I told the woman I never received my notice and she said that they did have trouble with their mailings and asked me for my social security number. I gave it to her and then she read back my name and address and said it was tomorrow morning at 9 AM. It’s at Converse High on State St. They allow you 3 hours for the test, but you’re free to leave when you’re done. There are 100 questions which means I cannot get more than 30 wrong. She said it’ll be 120 days before they mail me my marks. That’s 4 months, unfortunately, and she says there are around 2000 people taking the test. Lastly, she said to bring a birth certificate, a photo ID, and some number 2 pencils. Brenda took me to Shopper’s Drug where she met Emily and Emily gave me the pencils. Well, I bought them, of course. And a pack of cigarettes like a jerk.

I was going to go to Tammy’s tomorrow but Brenda’s got a visit with her kids she can’t cancel and Bill’s here tomorrow and Monday. Maybe Tuesday. Tammy’s gonna be pissed and I understand that and I’m dying to see Sarah, but this test only comes up once every two years.

Later…

It definitely doesn’t look like I’m going back to sleep so I’ll write for a while. I’ve got a CD playing. Fleetwood Mac’s Greatest Hits. It’s pretty good. I like most of the songs on it. Some are boring.

Tomorrow, after the test, I’ve still got to get pig food and a heavyweight bowl for Tigger. I’m getting pretty sick of him either knocking it over or slamming it up against the side of his cage. I’ve got to get food for Gremlin and Shadow, too. Also stamps and paper plates. And it’s also about time to buy another big bail of sawdust. There’s always something to buy. Such as Gloria’s new record.

I think maybe I’ll go hem some more of those pants Kacey gave me.

Later…

Well, I didn’t hem the pants. One pair didn’t quite fit since I gained weight, but I just took my measurements and I’ve gone down an inch since 3 days ago when I started exercising my ass off and taking Slim-Fast. I did, however, hem an old shirt that was almost to my ankles. I brought it up to mid-thigh length. It came out better than I’d thought but I’ll have Brenda check it out to make sure it’s not crooked. I’m not too thrilled with the way it falls but I’ll ask Brenda.

After I take my shower I’m gonna put another coat of nail polish on and I’m not sure yet what I’ll wear. Something casual. I hope after the test and my errands are done that I can catch a couple of hours of sleep so I can go out to the Halloween party at the Pub tonight. I want to wear my new black lace skirt. Part of me hopes Brenda ends up too tired to go so I can observe others without her observing me observe others. But then again we mutually do look at other women and we’re honest with each other. In the long run, Brenda will never have anything to worry about cuz gay women, of course, are a major turn-off to me in general, and it’s against the rules for me to have someone I’m attracted to. Oh well. At least God allows people to be attracted to me which is nice as long as it’s not major sickos. I mean, everyone gets that here and there, but the good thing is, is that as time goes on I’m having an easier time getting better people even if I don’t quite meet my desired standards.

Ok, time for my second coffee, then my shower.

Later…

Brenda dropped me off at 8:30 this morning, and they made everyone who didn’t get their notice to appear for the test go into a room, and they gave us an “appear” card after checking to see if our names were on the list, and also our photo IDs and birth certificates, in which I’ve got to photocopy and mail to Boston.

They had us print and write our names and they compared them with our signatures on our licenses.

There were several butches there and I got stared down good by guys and butches. This Hispanic girl was sitting next to me. I’m not sure, but I think she was gay with the way she gave me this huge smile and waved at me the second I walked in. I sat next to her and we chatted here and there before the test. She urged me to choose South Hadley for 1 of my 4 choices of cities or towns I wanted to work in. My first choice was Springfield, however, and I had no choice cuz you had to pick, for first choice, the place you lived in for the last 12 months. My second choice was East Longmeadow. I would’ve chosen Longmeadow, but it wasn’t listed. My third choice was West Springfield. My fourth choice was Chicopee.

Another thing was that there were two classroom monitors. One man, one woman. The woman constantly stared at me. I caught her once and her face turned bright red. Then after the test, as I was leaving, I could see her grinning to herself with the same red face.

We didn’t start the test till 9:30 and I finished at almost 12:30. I’m not sure whether I passed or failed. There were some tricky questions that I had to go over and over. I’ll know sometime in February. I am anxious though and never have wanted to speed up time so badly in my life. I usually don’t care about time or wish I could stop it and drop dead.

The landlord will be here any minute to fix the heat. Today and all last night I froze my ass off.

I told Tammy I’d be down next weekend and she said she wasn’t mad and that she understood and to think positive about the test.

After the landlord leaves, I hope I can catch a few hours of sleep so I can go out tonight.

I called Philip and told him about the test and he’s happy about it and he asked me to keep him posted. He also told me to call him tomorrow. I called John too, and he was both pleased and proud. Then lastly, I spoke with Andy.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1990 I’m going nuts just sitting around here, so since I can’t have music, I’ve got to find something. Those dickheads never sent me my notice for the police exam, but I figured as much to begin with. I don’t know who’s responsible, therefore, I don’t know who to call to bitch about it. Oh well, like I said, I figured I’d never be notified just like I knew I’d never get that security job at Mercy with John.

Why is it that anything I’d be good at and want to do I just can’t? It just wasn’t meant to be. If I was smart, a long time ago I’d have chosen a career I hate, never want to have a baby and if I’m ever single again, I’d pick all the ones I don’t want or that are just ok. Actually, they pick me, so I should say.

Later…

I tried calling Philip about the stereo but he’s not at work and not answering his phone at home.

Today, I’m gonna go to Food Mart for cat food, stamps, and paper plates. Also, I want to go to Brightwood Hardware in Longmeadow for pig and mice food.

I’m getting tired as hell but I want to push it as far as I can so I sleep somewhat into the night. With my luck, however, after 3 or 4 hours of sleep, I’ll bolt wide awake and not be able to fall back asleep.

I’m really starting to want to work. I need extra money and this being at home all the time bit is really getting to me. But since I can’t sing or be a cop and am too chicken to drive the cab, what can I do other than McDonald’s or something really boring and stupid?

I’m gonna call apartment rental people for general information about duplexes. I know I can never afford it, but it never hurts to get some information. I’ll go get the yellow pages.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1990 I’m still wide awake and probably will be for a while. I’m just having a grand old time with the new phone. There’s a mute button on it too, and you don’t need to keep holding it down like you do on most other phones. You hit it once and a red light glows which tells you it’s in use, and to discontinue the mute, you hit it again and the red light goes off.

A little while ago I listened to the 45 of the song Take a Chance On Me by ABBA. I bought it today at One Stop Records. I always liked that song and I used to have that record. I don’t know whatever happened to it, along with tons of other records. They either got old or I got sick of them or they were stolen.

Later…

Why, oh, why didn’t I stay the fuck off cigarettes!?! I had 3 cigarettes in 1 week and here I go and smoke a whole pack yesterday and today I’ve had close to a pack. What a jerk, huh? I’m gonna go chuck the rest of my pack, try again till I absolutely can’t fight the urge to smoke, and listen to music.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 24, 1990 Well, I’m going to need to go to sleep as soon as possible so in order to help myself sleep, I’m gonna listen to music for a while.

Tomorrow morning I’ve got to call Philip about fixing my stereo. I can’t put it off any longer.

Also, I see Martha at 4:00. I’m not sure if I mentioned it but I think she just may have a thing for me. It’s just this feeling I get and it’s also certain things she says and certain ways she says things. Oh well. Of course, I’ll keep my mouth shut about it. She is married, after all, and she also swore she never mixes business with pleasure and that’s fine and respected by me.

I want to go to Caldor’s too, to see if Gloria’s new album is out. I’m not sure of the name of it and it’s not new songs. They’re all old hits, but they’re in Spanish.

Later…

I just finished killing a spider, which like most spiders, was on the ceiling. I sprayed it with lots of Lysol and perfume to get it down so I could swat it.

Today I got this awesome and I mean totally awesome speakerphone I ordered last week. Now I need to make 4 payments of $22 but it’s worth it. I love it. I can be doing something like writing or making coffee and still talking to someone. Also, I can play people the edits which they can hear well and hear their reactions, and if it’s an answering machine, I can hear it beep when it ends. Another thing too, is if my call waiting beeps, I’ll hear that too.

This insurance company’s got a hell of a long machine. Brenda and I passed it on the way home from Baystate Waste after I saw Martha and I said to myself, “I bet they have a machine.”

By the way, Martha definitely has no desire for a woman. She’s 100% straight as an arrow.

Andy’s got company now so he’s gonna call me later, and Fran’s not home. I’m bored and I love this phone so I may as well go and have a field day with it and look under insurance companies in the yellow pages. It does seem like a lot of insurance companies have answering machines.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 23, 1990 Brenda brushed out my hair for me, and God is it getting long. It’s almost to my very lower back and the layers are growing out. The very top layer, though, is completely destroyed. I have massive split ends.

Shadow’s climbing all over me. I think I mentioned before why I changed his name from Bandit to Shadow. He’s like glue. He loves to be near me constantly. Follows me everywhere like a shadow. However, when I go to bed, I shut the bedroom door cuz he always wakes me up.

One thing that’s starting to annoy me is that I’m very bloated. I wanna hurry up and get my period so I drop some water. I don’t want to take my water pill while I’m still finishing up my other medications. I did some exercising and I’m gonna do more later. Also, I’m gonna get more Slim-Fast and eat very little till I drop 10 pounds. It’s funny to say I’m chunky at 105 pounds, but then again I am a very short person, right? It’s not that I weigh too much pound-wise, it’s my shape I guess, I have so much water, too.

I took all my pictures of Gloria down last night. There are only a few in the bedroom. I wanted a change and a break from them so I put them in my file box in my closet. I’ll never throw them out cuz I’ve put so much time and money into them and it’ll be really neat to look back at them someday. Maybe I will put them back up, though, in a matter of months or someday. I still wish I could afford a duplex as I’d make the cellar the music place with the posters, the stereo and keyboards and I wish I had a washer and dryer. By God, I’d love to be able to afford that. I’d have 2 bedrooms, 1½ baths and a dishwasher too, no doubt.

Later…

I’m now watching the premiere of Law & Order. Before this, I saw In the Heat of the Night. Brenda left after Matlock. I put Brenda’s hair in a braid. It looked nice.

I still never got any notification as far as the police exam is concerned. I’m not stupid, though. They’ll never notify me worth shit.

I’m gonna go make some angel hair pasta. It is so good.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 22, 1990 I was exhausted before, but as usual, I woke right up. Man, oh man, was I just through a hell of a nightmare since the last time I wrote! I had to go to the ER 3 fucking times and I was terrified! I literally thought I was going to die and it hurt so bad I wished I would drop dead till it was over. I had the worst asthma in my life. They had to take me immediately (usually you wait forever) to give me oxygen treatments, and the last time I had an IV. It was really scary. I could only smoke 3 cigarettes in one week’s time. I’m on Prednisone for 12 days and Bactrim which is an antibiotic for 10 days. Also, I’m on Theodur and Alupent which is the same stuff in my inhaler. Theodur and Alupent are the two most common drugs used for asthma.

I saw Mom and Dad on the 15th and we had a fairly good visit. They came up for about an hour or so. They’re back in Florida now.

I may possibly be going to my sister’s this Saturday. Tammy’s really sick now, too.

Steve and I spliced a wire today so I can edit from the CD player onto the stereo and it sounds great, too. I have plenty of editing to do as well as story writing.

They raised my food stamps to $114, so I did a huge grocery order and I never had so much food in my life, but I really need to lose weight. I’m getting pretty chunky lately.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12, 1990 It’s been one week now and I still feel like shit. Oh well. It also looks like I’m gonna have to cancel going to my sister’s tomorrow. One reason’s cuz I feel like shit and the other’s it’s contagious. I don’t want to stand and just look at my nieces from 3 feet away, I want to hold them and hug them. Tammy mentioned going next weekend if I couldn’t make it this time.

Then I’ll be seeing Mom and Dad on the 15th, and it fucking figures I’m sick so I can’t sing.

Yesterday I got 3 journals at an excellent price. I mean a really fantastic deal. Normally the 3 of them would’ve cost close to $24, but I got them for $12 in the secondhand department. I’m glad I discovered that they sell them there which is weird cuz these books are brand new and just as nice as the regular main part of the store.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1990 Tracy called me and Andy last night. We were both thrilled to hear from her. I played her the edits which she thought were great. She didn’t contact us, she said, cuz she needed space and time to sort things out.

Last night was awful. I was so full of congestion. I never knew one could have to blow their nose so much. It’s red and sore now and I feel much better now that I drained out all that shit so I guess it was worth the misery. Tomorrow, or today I should say, Bill will be here at 1:00 so I hope I can get a little sleep. I had to sleep all day today as I was so miserable. It’s called “sleeping it off.” I’m thankful I feel much better though and also thankful it wasn’t the flu. Anything but the flu. Smoking very little also helped get rid of it quicker but I couldn’t have smoked much if I wanted to. The funny thing is, though, for the last 3 days I really haven’t had much of a desire to smoke. Today I had 5 or 6 and psychologically I still think of it, but the physical part isn’t too bad.

I love this little kitty of mine to death. I’m so glad Brenda got him for me.

Share to Pinterest SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6, 1990 Yesterday, I only smoked 7 or 8 cigarettes. Today, even though I still slept till 9:00 tonight, I’ve had 3 so far. I am very, very congested so that’s part of the reason why I’ve smoked so little. Also cuz I have these sneezing fits and cuz of my wheezing. In 48 hours I’ve smoked only 11 cigarettes so that’s why I’m constantly blowing my nose like there’s no tomorrow. It gets worse before it gets better after you’ve either quit or cut down cuz all that tar and shit starts draining.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5, 1990 Gee, I have exactly 1 day short of 2 months till I’m 25 years old. A quarter of a century.

My new little kitten, which Brenda got me, is sitting here in bed with me and he’s so loving and so affectionate. The one thing you couldn’t do with Sasha was pick her up and cuddle her or have her come to you and let you cuddle her for more than 3 seconds. His name is Bandit. He’s now trying to distract me from writing by rubbing up against my book and me and giving me kisses. He’s fairly gentle with his claws but when he gets a little older I’d like to get him neutered and declawed. You know I hate being clawed when you’re playing with them. I mean they can just sit or stand on you and their claws hurt like hell. Now he’s playing with my hair which all kittens, cats and babies love to do.

Brenda’s cab broke down yesterday afternoon and while she was at the office, the owner’s wife just happened to be giving away kittens, so that’s how I got him. That was yesterday, the day after Brenda’s b-day. He’s 6 weeks old and looks a lot like Sasha, but Sasha was gray and white. He’s orange and white and his hair’s a little shorter. It’s the same pattern as Sasha’s. I think they’re both tabby cats. He’s so loving and follows me everywhere. And he’s pretty calm and gentle, too. He knows how to pee in his litter box, but he’s still going to have to learn not to go on furniture or chew wires.

I have had absolutely no sneezing fits!!!!!!! And this cat is here to stay till death do it part. My mom was right as far as all my problems being due to smoking and I’ve known it too for quite some time but it was just too scary to admit. It’s scary to think of dealing with withdrawal after quitting but my congestion is getting really bad so I’ve had only 7 or 8 cigarettes today.

The pigs were a little jealous and depressed about Bandit, but otherwise, they’re still the usual loving troublemakers.

I bought Brenda a pair of earrings and a pair of sexy underwear for her b-day and we went to her sister Donna’s house in Palmer. And as I mentioned before, I’ve known her husband Kevin for 4 years. He knew Crystal C, too.

Donna’s a great person who anyone feels comfortable with. The type you could talk to about most anything and who accepts people for what and who they are. The kids were great and Donna’s great with the kids too, and I’d have loved to have someone like her as my mother.

Tomorrow, I’ve got to call John R and maybe I’ll try to leave a message with Dr. Goodman’s receptionist for Tracy, but only once. I also have to call Philip and go to Food Mart. Also, I wonder if Kathy will fix my bangs if I call her. She works at Food Mart and she gave me her number. We went to La Baron together. She hated it too, and she only does it on the side. My bangs really look pretty stupid so maybe she can trim and layer them.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 4, 1990 Right now I’m on the phone listening to Fran talk to Bobbie. Andy and I wish to hell Tracy would call us.

I’m turning into a very, very slightly ok artist. Of course, some of my drawings are a wee bit explicit. Guess I’ve been horny lately.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1990 My mother said something astounding. Not only was I shocked, but I also shed a few tears. I called Mom and told her that I bought a little tiny fork and spoon for Sarah and socks for Becky and Lisa. Then I told her that I agreed as far as having money and someone to help as far as having a baby is concerned. But I also told her I didn’t like being told what I should do or should not do at this age.

So I finally asked the two questions of my main concern in blunt plain English. I said, “If I have a child someday, are you going to disown me or call the state?”

She said no. I freaked with shock and joy. I absolutely and totally could not believe it.

Otherwise, no more news going on lately. Just that I had a very nice weekend with Brenda and also Gail and Judy. Gail and Judy are so nice. You feel as if you’ve known them for years. They, of course, don’t turn me on but they’re very attracted to me, so I hear. Also, it’s rather obvious by the way they look at me. Same thing with Bonny. I did their nails for them and also, a couple of weekends ago, Brenda, Judy, Gail and I went to Jam’s. We had fun, and I ran into Tracy there who said she broke up with Nancy. Guess Nancy was an alcoholic and a troublemaker. She seemed a little irritated by talking to me and left with some other girl who seemed slightly offended when I asked her if she was single.

Tracy said she was in California on the 4th of July and was so shocked at how feminine the gay women were there. That’s what she likes, too.

She did tell me to leave a message with my number at this dentist’s office where she works on Maple St. But should I really leave a message which I seriously doubt will ever get answered?

My friendship with Andy has been excellent the last several months and he admitted he was being cruel and selfish for a while and then realized it and didn’t want to lose me as his friend. He was also jealous of my looks and my abilities but instead of being negative he’s encouraging and appreciates what I do.

It’s really too bad his relationship with Miles isn’t doing too great. According to Andy, he’s too clingy and constantly wants sex. Also, cuz Andy didn’t give Miles sex for two days, Miles cheated on him. Andy’s pissed and is on the verge of dumping him. He says, though, he thinks Miles is the way he is cuz his father molested him. Also, he says Miles has a big mouth and blabbed some sexual stuff about him and Andy real loud in Friendly’s. He also talks 10 times more gayish than Andy does.

Tomorrow, I want to go see Paula and get something for Brenda, but I still can’t sleep yet and it’s now 3:17 AM. I was beat before. Sometimes life as a night owl sucks.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Quartet chapter 10

here it is. NSFW.

Daniel is starting to sweat.  He’s been here for fifteen minutes already, because he’d been so anxious he left the house early just to stop pacing the hall.  He’s been here since 8:30, and he knows Armand won’t be here until exactly 9:00.  He’s never late or early, he’s always exactly on time.  It’s one of his weird little quirks.  

He wonders if he should button up his shirt.  He has four of the buttons undone, which is more than he has since his twenties.  Not without another shirt underneath.  It makes him feel exposed.  Being exposed doesn’t bother him, except it will be under Armand’s gaze.  He doesn’t want to be found wanting.  

At least it’s quiet in here; in one of the private booths upstairs in the Azalea.  They were booths that had curtains built around them for privacy.  You could barely hear the music playing on the floor below.  Lily had led him up here to this booth as soon as he arrived and delivered him a Grasshopper.  It was Daniel’s favorite drink, but he never ordered it unless he was at a gay bar.  Daniel wonders if it’s some secret test, or if Armand just did it because he knew it was Daniel’s favorite.  

He drinks it all the same.  It’s gone by the time Armand slips inside the curtain and across from him, martini in hand.  His hair is slicked back and his eyes are lined with dark liner.  He’s wearing that white shirt and pants that Daniel likes.  Those pants that hug his ass and that shirt that he has open enough to be showing a tantalizing amount of chest.  

“Hey, boss,” Daniel says, a little breathless at seeing Armand in person again after so very long.  

The corner of Armand’s mouth tugs up a little.  “Hello, Daniel.”

“Fuck, it’s good to see you again,” It slips out of Daniel’s mouth before he can stop it.

Armand smiles.  “It’s good to see you too.”

Daniel remembers the last time they were here.  Armand had been out shopping with Bianca before meeting him.  (Daniel was so, so grateful he had someone else to take shopping.  Armand bought weird shit, like an air fryer that connected to the internet.)   It had been a windy day, and Armand’s lips had gotten chapped. So he borrowed Bianca’s chapstick.

It had left his lips tinted red and faintly shimmering.  Daniel had been unable to look away from his mouth; all he could think was how pretty it would look wrapped around his cock.  Armand practically read his thoughts, because after a few minutes, he had slid around to the other side of the booth and whispered in his ear to keep quiet.  Then he bent down and took Daniel into his mouth right there in the bar.  Daniel had to bite into the meat of his hand to keep quiet, and he came so hard that he saw stars.  

“How have you been?”  Daniel asks.  He wants to know everything, even the mundane details.  If it’s about Armand, it’s interesting to him.  

“I’m always fine, you know that, Daniel.”

“I know you pretend to be,” Daniel counters.  “But really, tell me about what you’ve been up to.  What’s changed?  What’s the same?”

Armand talks about the theater, about his latest fixations.  It had been planes for awhile; he actually has a pilot’s license now.  He offers to take Daniel flying sometime, which honestly seems terrifying, given the way he drives.  Daniel has been on the back on his motorcycle before, and Armand drives like traffic laws are mere suggestions.  

Once, Daniel had pointed out he broke at least four laws driving around the block.  Armand had said something about being able to afford the fines, and Daniel had remembered he was, at heart, a trust fund baby.  

They talk and they talk about anything that comes to mind. Work, current events, philosophy.  Before Daniel knows it, it’s been two hours and they still haven’t touched on their relationship.  So Daniel takes a breath and says “I wanted to talk about us.”

Armand goes silent.  Daniel doesn’t let it discourage him.  “I want you back.  However you’ll have me.  If that means being out in the open, then that’s what I’ll do.”

Armand’s gaze is careful.  “You’ll resent me for forcing you out before you’re ready.”

Daniel shakes his head.  “I gotta get out of the closet.  Any deeper and I’m in Narnia.”

It’s an uncomfortable thought, but he’s willing to go through with it if it means being with Armand.  And it isn’t like he doesn’t want to be able to be out in the open.  But he’s seen how homophobic the world can be; he doesn’t look forward to dealing with all that.

“And what do you expect?  For things to go exactly back as they were?”

“No, I don’t expect that,” Daniel says.  “But I’m willing to take it at your pace.”

Armand observes him for a moment and says “I’ll consider it.”

That’s halfway there already. 

/

Louis had offered to go to the Azalea tonight for moral support, but Armand had said it wasn’t necessary.  Louis hadn’t been sure if that was because he was still angry or not.  Armand could be hard to read when he wanted to be.  

He’d been mostly silent since last night, though Louis figured it’s in part due to nerves.  Still, he had followed him to the door and asked if they could talk when he got home.  Armand had said he didn’t know how late he would be back; Louis had said he’d wait up.  

He’s been replaying that conversation with Lestat in his head over and over.  Then remembering how Armand turned away from him.  He can’t even focus on his book.

Armand has only been gone around an hour when there’s a knock at the door.  There’s no way it could be Armand back already, even if things went poorly with Daniel he wouldn’t have time to go to the Azalea and make it back.  Louis doesn’t know who to expect when he opens the door.

It’s Lestat.

He’s wearing black skinny jeans and a black tee shirt and there’s dark liner around his eyes.  He must have been playing a gig somewhere earlier.  He looks good.  

Fuck, he looks good .

“What are you doing here?” Louis says after a second of stunned silence.  How did Lestat even find out where he lived?  Did Daniel tell him?  Surely not.  “How do you know where I live?”

“Louis,” Lestat says, like he hasn’t heard a word Louis has said.  He stares at the mark on Louis’ neck.  Lestat steps forward and stops himself.  “Can I come inside?”

“Hell no,” Louis says, and goes to shut the door in Lestat’s face.  

Lestat catches the door and squeezes his way inside.  “Just five minutes, Louis.”

Louis crosses his arms and glares at Lestat.  He’s well aware of how unintimidating he looks in his red cotton pajamas.  “What do you want?”

“You, Louis.  Always you.”

Louis scoffs.  “That’s not how I remember it.”

“I’ve made mistakes, but I’ve changed,” Lestat says.  “Let me show you that I’ve changed.”

The likelihood that Lestat has actually changed is slim.  Louis knows that.  But Lestat looks so earnest, he almost wants to believe him.  Almost.  “Did you forget I’m married?”

“He doesn’t love you like I do.”

Louis shakes his head.  “He loves me.”  

“Then why is he with Daniel now?  Why aren’t you enough?”

The words cut, but Louis doesn’t let it show.  “It ain’t like that.  You wouldn’t understand.”

Lestat laughs.  “I know you, cher.  You would never allow him if you really loved Armand.”

Louis crosses his arms and glares.  “I love him.”

Lestat’s eyes meet his.  “They way you loved me?”

Louis’s chest feels tight, like he can’t breathe.  He needs Lestat to go .  He tilts up his chin.  “More.”

“Liar,” Lestat says, and then he’s pressing Louis to the wall and suddenly he’s kissing him.

The entire world seems to shift on its axis.  Louis’ mouth opens against Lestat’s and his fingers wind in his hair to hold him close.  Lestat’s tongue slips in his mouth and Louis groans against him.  It’s been so long since he’s done this, it’s been eight years, and Lestat still kisses exactly the same.  Louis kisses him back frantically, and it’s like he’s a drowning man finding air.  He feels alive .

Lestat’s hands on his waist slip down to cup his bottom and Louis pulls back.  He pushes Lestat away from him.  “Get out.”

“Louis-”

“Lestat, go,” Louis says and points to the door.  His chest is heaving and he can barely breathe, still breathless from kissing Lestat.  “Just go.”

Lestat looks at him for a long moment, then nods.  “This isn’t over.”

Louis waits until he’s gone to collapse against the wall.  He thuds the back of his head against it and swears.

What the hell is he going to tell Armand?

/

Daniel had taken a cab to the Azalea, but Armand offers to give him a ride home.  It’s only an excuse to spend more time together, which Daniel gladly accepts.  All the way back, Armand’s legs are spread wide enough that his knee is touching Daniel and that single point of contact is driving him crazy.

They don’t talk about much on the way.  Halfway there, Armand’s hand comes to rest on his knee and his thumb strokes back and forth over his kneecap.  Daniel has never been so aware of another person’s touch.  His entire body throbs with desire.  He wants Armand more than he ever wanted heroin.  

The car stops in front of Daniel’s house.  Armand is out the door before Daniel can unhook his seatbelt.  He opens the door for Daniel and Daniel steps out.  Armand walks him to the door, easily falling into step beside him and letting their arms brush.  Daniel stops at the door and looks at him.  “You wanna have a cup of coffee or something?”  

Meaning did he want to come upstairs and absolutely fuck Daniel’s brains out.  From the amused smile, Armand gets what he means.  “No, Daniel.  Louis is expecting me.”

“Right,” Daniel says and his gaze falls to Armand’s mouth.  He wonders if it would be out of line to kiss him.  “Well, goodnight, Armand.”

Armand takes a step closer.  Daniel’s breath catches and his heart skips a beat.  Is Armand going to kiss him?  

Armand brings up his hand and strokes his thumb along Daniel’s jaw.  He bends down and Daniel wants him so badly; his eyes fall closed in anticipation.  Armand’s lips brush against his cheek.

“Goodnight, Daniel,” Armand says, and steps back.  He turns and heads back to the car, like he hasn’t just left Daniel yearning.  Daniel watches him slip inside his car and it drive away.  

Armand is considering taking him back.  All he has to do now is wait for him to come around.  Daniel can do that.  He’s already waited two years; what’s a bit more time?

/

Louis is by the door as soon as Armand comes in.  He seems more at ease now; he’s even smiling faintly.  Daniel never fails to improve his mood.  Well, except those times he was the reason for that mood.

“We gotta talk.”

Armand breezes past him towards their bedroom.  “Why?  So you can play at confession and be absolved of your sins?”

Louis follows behind him and clenches his jaw.  He isn’t going to get angry with Armand.  It’s pointless; and besides, he is the one who messed up.  He lied to Armand.  He probably owes him an explanation.  If he even wants one; Louis sure hadn’t given a damn about reasons when he found out about Antoinette.  But he’s not that bad; he isn’t.”

“It was Lestat I was talking to the other night,” Louis says, watching as Armand unbuttons his shirt.  He likely wants to go to bed, Louis knows he didn’t sleep well last night.  Neither did he.  “But you already knew that.”

Armand doesn’t look his way, just slides off his shirt and moves to taking off his pants and shoes.  “Yes, I came to that conclusion.”

Louis crosses his arms and hunches in on himself a little.  “I unblocked him and he texted me.  It was impulse to call him.”

“And why do you think you had that impulse, Louis?” Armand says, so, so mildly.  It’s frustrating as shit.  And Louis isn’t touching that question.  He doesn’t even want to think about it, much less explain it to Armand.

“That’s not all,” Louis says, as Armand pulls on a pair of navy blue pajama bottoms.  He leaves his chest bare.  It’s actually a bit distracting, because Lestat’s visit has him keyed up in more ways than one.  “He stopped by while you were out.”

Armand’s gaze finally swings over to him.  “Did he?”

Louis meets his gaze and blurts “He kissed me.”

Armand blinks.  “He kissed you?”

“Yeah.”

Armand takes a step closer to him and Louis feels a chill go down his spine.  “Did he force himself on you?”

“He didn’t stop and ask for permission, if that’s what you mean,” Louis says, and he feels his face getting warm.  

“So you didn’t kiss him back?”

Louis clears his throat and looks away for a moment.  “I didn’t tell him to stop.”

Another step.  “That isn’t what I asked, Louis.”

Louis’s breath quickens.  There’s something volatile brewing in the air between him and Armand, and he isn’t sure if it’s a fight or a fuck.  “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Armand-”

“I’d like to hear you say it.”

Louis lets his arms fall to his sides and takes a breath.  “I’m sorry I kissed Lestat.  Armand, I-”

“What else did you do with him?”

“Just kissing, I swear,” Louis says.  He closes the space between them, standing less than a foot apart now.  He reaches for Armand’s and Armand gently but firmly pushes his hand away.

Louis lets his hand drop.  “I’m sorry; it was a mistake.”

He sounds like fucking Lestat trying to apologize for Antoinette.  He hates himself.  

“A mistake?”

Louis nods.  “I don’t know what else there is to say.”

Armand’s head tilts to the side.  “You aren’t going to plead for forgiveness?  Assure me it meant nothing?”

“That what you want?”

Armand’s hand comes up to wrap under Louis’ jaw and tilt up his head.  “No, Louis; that isn’t what I want.”

Louis feels his dick stir.  He doesn’t know if he should let himself cave in to the feeling or not.  Sometimes Armand played psychosexual games.  He’s kinky like that; he’s kinky in a lot of ways.  Louis didn’t even know about some of them until they got together.  

“What do you want?”

Armand looks into his eyes.  “Do you plan to kiss him again?”

“Hell no,” Louis says.  He means it, too.  He is done with Lestat.  

“Good,” Armand says, “because you’re mine.”

Then he kisses Louis, deep and filthy and his hand slides inside his pants and rubs over his cock.  Louis kisses him back, letting himself mindlessly follow Armand’s lead.  A sense of calm washes over him and he clutches at Armand’s chest.  Armand pulls back from the kiss with a harsh bite to his lower lip.  The slight jab of pain sends a jolt to his dick.  

“I don’t like how you said that; like I’m your property or something,”  Louis has said something similar to Lestat before.  Figures that his type would be possessive bastards.  

Armand’s mouth moves over his neck and he bites that tender spot where shoulder meets neck.  His hand speeds up on Louis cock. Louis moans.  

“It sounds like you like it just fine,” Armand says.  He uses his grip on Louis' jaw to direct him to the bed, and flings him back onto it.  “On your stomach, hands behind your back.  Naked.”

Louis does as Armand says.  Armand pulls the handcuffs out of the nightstand and clamps them on Louis, keeping his hands tight together.  Next comes out the trunk kept under the bed.  Armand opens it and quickly looks through their wide assortment of toys.  He selects a dark colored wooden cane and puts the trunk away.  

He does it slowly enough for Louis to object if he wants too.  Louis doesn’t; his cock is throbbing at the thought of Armand cracking blows with that cane.  It hurts, yes, but the pain is like permission to feel the pleasure, a release of sorts.  He’d explained it once to Daniel who understood perfectly.  He thinks Armand must understand too; he’s good at hurting him in just the way he needs to let go.  

The cane whips down on the bed next to Louis’ thigh.  “Get up on your knees, face down.”

Louis does, and spreads his knees open wide.  He wants to be ready for the part where Armand fucks him after.  If that part is coming.  Armand could decide to leave him hanging as punishment.  

The cane whacks across the back of Louis’ right thigh.  It isn’t hard enough to hurt, just to get his attention.  “Ten blows.  Count them out.”

Louis nods his head.  

The cane comes down again, harder this time.  It hits in the exact same spot and it stings, bright and hot.  “One.”

Armand slides the bottom of the cane over his crack, then deals a wicked strike to his left cheek.  “Two,” Louis says, starting to sweat.

Blow three is less precise, hitting both cheeks.  It’s hard enough to shift Louis up the bed a little.  It hurts enough that he cries out in pain, then moans in pleasure.  “Three.”

Four and five are quick blows over the back of his left thigh.  Louis counts them out with gritted teeth.  His cock is throbbing and aching.  The sixth strike hits along his right inner thigh and Louis gasps out at the hurt.  “Six.”

Seven is the left inner thigh, slightly higher up than the blow on the right.  It hurts exquisitely and Louis’ voice is shaky when he counts it.  Nine is another resounding blow over both cheeks and tears wet Louis' eyes.  “N-nine.”

The bottom of the cane rubs over his hole and slightly pushes in.  Louis spreads his legs wider, so turned on all he can think is he wants something inside him.  Armand draws it back and cracks the last blow over his hole.  The tears fall from Louis’ eyes and he thrusts his hips forward into nothing, his cock desperate for friction.  

“Louis,”

“Ten, ten,” Louis pants.  

He closes his eyes to take a second, and the next thing he knows there are slick fingers pushing inside him.  The preparation perfunctory, then Armand is sinking inside him.  It hurts, to have him pressed up against his sore bottom and thighs, but it’s a good hurt.  Armand pulls back and slams back into him.  He grips the chain on the cuffs and uses it to yank Louis back onto his cock while he slams his hips forward.  

Louis’ balance slips and his knees slip just a bit further apart.  He didn’t think he could spread them any wider, and it burns his thighs to do so now.  But Armand is hitting him deeper, and just battering his prostate.  It feels so good.  With his hands bound, all he can do is take it.  

He moans and drools into the mattress.  Every slap of Armand’s body against his sends a fresh wave of pain, not strong, but constant.  The hand on Louis’ hip is gripping tight enough to bruise, and it’s a grounding sort of pain.  Armand slams into him, again and again and Louis can only pant his name.  “Armand, Armand, give me your hand.”

Sometimes when they fuck, Armand won’t let him come.  He’ll make Louis wait until he finishes, then he’ll turn Louis over and blow him until he’s begging.  Louis hopes that isn’t what he’s doing now.  He needs to come.  He needs Armand to touch him.  

“No,” Armand says.  “You’ll come like this or not at all.”

Armand twists his grip and yanks Louis so he’s up on his knees with his back to Armand’s chest.  Or as close as it can be, with his arms in this position.  It makes Armand’s cock sink impossibly deeper and Louis groans.  Armand bites and sucks at his neck, along the shells of his ear.  

Louis turns his head and tries to kiss Armand.  He pulls back and Louis feels a hot curl of embarrassment at the rejection.  “Armand, honey, don’t be mean.”

Louis rarely used pet names.  But they can be employed strategically against Armand.  Armand captures his lips and kisses him.  It’s messy and sloppy, and so fucking hot.  His cock drives into him and Louis feels so full, he’s stuffed and it’s amazing.  “Oh god, oh god.”

Armand quickens the pace and Louis nearly cries.  He’s so close.  God, he wishes Armand would touch him.  He probably would, if Louis begged for it.  But Louis' pride doesn’t always let him do so.  Not today.  “Honey, please.  Please.”

Armand’s hand finds his cock and wraps around it.  Louis almost sobs with relief.  It only takes a few strokes and Louis is spilling over his hand, his orgasm hitting him so hard that he shakes.  His toes curl and his vision goes blurry.  Armand slams into him a final time and comes buried deep inside him.  

Louis’ knees feel weak and he falls forward and clutches the pillow.  Armand pulls out of him and Louis can feel his come sliding down his thigh.  It’s disgusting, but he couldn’t make his legs work right now if the room was on fire.  Usually, after they do something like this, Armand will clean him up and cuddle with him after.  Especially if it’s one of those times when things get all floaty and loose.  

Armand puts on his pajamas while Louis melts into the mattress.  His ass is sore, and his thighs.  They have cream to rub over the welts.  Armand usually puts it on him after they do something that leaves marks.  He sort of expects Armand to do it now, because Armand always takes care of him after he’s rough with him.  

His arms are aching as well.  Armand uncuffs him, but he doesn’t run over his wrists like normally.   Instead, Armand puts away the handcuffs and plucks his ipad off his nightstand.  “I’m spending the night in the guest room tonight.”

Louis’ stomach drops and his good mood vanishes.  “Armand, I-”

“I will forgive you,” Armand cuts in.  “But tonight I need to be alone.”

With that, he’s out the door and Louis is all alone.

[goldenraeofsun]

life is just a classroom

A 6k addition to this verse with Teacher!Cas and Teacher!Dean

Jody has never seen her staff with their heads so far up their own asses. They get one reasonably attractive new hire, and everyone is acting more like gossiping, horny teenagers than sane, I-am-responsible-for-multiple-children, teachers. Luckily, Jody’s the principal and expert in wrangling children and adults of all maturity levels.

But this, as Bobby used to say, is too early for this shit.

It’s 7:00 am, and if Jody has to hear one more word about Castiel Novak and his brooding stare and baby blue eyes, she’s going to dump her coffee all over Daphne Allen’s head. It’s not like the Teachers Lounge hasn’t seen more than its fair share of spilled coffee. The brown-ish grey-ish carpet is more for utility than aesthetics, and is probably older than Jody herself.

“I’ve been trying to find out more about him, but he’s so reserved,” Daphne is saying. She sighs. “I’ve always been a sucker for the strong, silent types.”

Jody rolls her eyes and adds more sugar to her coffee.

“I think he mentioned he was actually a student here,” Kelly says, leaning in conspiratorially, “the same year as Dean.”

“No way,” Daphne breathes.

Jody dumps in more sugar.

“Has Dean mentioned anything about him? Is he single?”

For Christ’s sake. It’s the second day of school - Jody is very confident her teachers have better things to do than cross boundaries with new colleagues.

Daphne frowns. “No, he hasn’t. But Castiel definitely doesn’t wear a ring.”

Kelly rolls her eyes. “Would I even be talking about him if I thought he was married?”

Jody clears her throat, saying loudly, “Well, I’d better get back to work. Morning announcements will start soon.”

Both Kelly and Daphne jump guiltily.

Pleased, Jody strides out of the Teachers Lounge, nearly running into Donna. “Here,” she says, pressing the coffee into her hands. “I put too much sugar in it anyway.”

“Oh, hey, thanks Jody-o!” Donna beams.

Jody jerks her head towards Daphne and Kelly, heads ducked together and clearly already back to it. “Watch out for ‘em. They’ll get you sucked in gossiping about the new hire.”

“That Castiel?” Donna asks, her eyes lighting up. “He’s such an angel.”

“Not you too,” Jody grumbles as she stalks out. She has a school to run.

* * *

“Bonne journée, tout le monde.” Castiel waves his students out. “Etudiez bien pour le quiz la semaine prochaine! Si vous avez besoin d’aide, n'hésitez pas à venir me voir.”  

Daphne lets the juniors stream past her, steels herself, and knocks on the door.

“Oui?” he asks without looking up.

Daphne swallows nervously. “Castiel?”

Castiel straightens, and holy hell, those eyes are so blue. “Hello,” he says, “I’m sorry, I thought you were a student.”

“No worries at all,” Daphne says with tittering laugh. “I was just wondering if you wanted to get a drink?”

“A drink?” Castiel echoes.

“To celebrate the end of the first week?” Daphne adds. “Kelly, Aaron, and I have a little tradition.”

“I see,” Castiel says, sounding taken aback. He fiddles with the strap of his bag before slinging it over his shoulder.

As the seconds drag on without a response, Daphne frowns. Is he going to refuse? Daphne had told Kelly this was a stupid plan -

“Can I bring Dean?” he asks.

Daphne blinks. “Dean? Yes, of course,” she says, mentally recalibrating her assessment of Edlund High's newest Latin/French teacher. He and Dean must be closer than she had assumed from their interactions in the Language Office. Maybe Castiel is less the stoically reserved type and more the shy, socially awkward wallflower. Her heart melts, so she adds, “the more the merrier.”

“Wonderful,” Castiel says, smiling. “What time?”

“We were thinking of leaving in like an hour,” Daphne says, “but you can also meet us there - Fizzle’s Folly? It’s on Water Street.”

Castiel raises his eyebrows at the name.

Daphne giggles. “Garth’s wife - have you met Garth? He teaches Chem - owns it. There’s a whole story there, but I can tell you later, if you like.”

Castiel smiles. “I’d like that, thank you.” He hefts his shoulder bag higher. “I grew up here, but it’s been a number of years since I spent a long time in this school district. I don’t remember a Fizzle’s Folly.”

“It used to be called Fenris,” Daphne says as they walk out.

Castiel’s brow furrows. “Wasn’t that a biker bar?”

“Yup, that’s the one,” Daphne says, nodding to Krissy Chambers and her friend Josephine as they pass by. “It underwent a little bit of a makeover when Garth and Bess took over.”

“So no bikers?”

“Not unless you count Garth,” Daphne says, grinning, as she pushes open the door to the Language Office. “He owns a motorcycle, if you can believe - oh, hey, Dean.”

Dean glances up from his desk at Daphne’s acknowledgement. “Hey,” he says slowly, his eyes flicking from Castiel to Daphne and back again. “What’s up?”

“Daphne invited me out for drinks,” Castiel says as Dean’s eyebrows rise, “Would you like to come?”

Dean’s mouth purses. “Wouldn’t want to be an imposition.”

“I already asked,” Castiel says as Daphne nods once. 

And maybe in a week, once Daphne and Castiel know each other better, they can get drinks alone together. Or Kelly can get drinks alone with him. Daphne won’t fight Kelly for him, and Kelly won’t fight her. He’s not a piece of meat, as Kelly is all too fond of reminding if they go too far after too many margaritas. 

After a beat, Dean says in a funny voice, “Okay then.”

Daphne walks around the both of them to get to her desk. “Aaron’s going to be there, if that matters,” she says without looking up.

“Aaron?” Castiel asks curiously.

“History teacher,” Dean says at the same time that Daphne provides, “Dean’s ex.”

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose as Castiel turns to him.

“Not an ex,” Dean grumbles. “We had a thing. Briefly. Years ago. It was before-” he coughs, “anyway.”

“I see,” Castiel deadpans.

Daphne frowns, meeting Castiel’s gaze over Dean’s head. “We are a LGBTQ friendly school,” she says sharply. “Dean runs the Gay-Straight-Alliance. If you have any… issues with that, I’d recommend talking to Jody before we leave.”

Dean looks oddly touched. “Thanks, Daph.”

Castiel just shakes his head. “I’m not homophobic. Dean can attest to that.”

“He had a boyfriend in high school,” Dean says with a grin.

Daphne’s face heats up embarrassingly quickly. “Ah - good for you.”

It’s not the end of the world. He could be bi, like Dean.

* * *

Aaron’s glad Dean and Castiel are here, if just to steer the conversation away from all the boy talk. He always has a good time with Kelly and Daphne, but, damn, they can really fixate. Lately, all they’ve been focusing on is Castiel, which, Aaron can kind of get behind - even though, obviously, Dean is more his type.

Thankfully they’ve cooled it with Castiel actually in the room with them.

Poor dude looks in over his head by the time they’re all sipping their second round of drinks. That’s probably why, when Aaron offers to get refills and snacks, Castiel jumps up to assist, quick on his heels. 

Daphne and Kelly’s eyes follow Castiel’s ass to the bar. Sometimes they really are shameless.

“You doing okay?” Aaron asks after he’s flagged down the bartender. 

“Oh yes,” Castiel says, bobbing his head in a nod. “It’s just… I don’t get out often.”

“I know they can be a bit much,” Aaron says, jerking his head back at their table. “If you want them to cool it with the questions, just say so.”

“I don’t mind.”

Aaron makes a face but doesn’t comment further. It’s Castiel’s funeral if he wants to keep playing into Kelly and Daphne’s hands like silly putty. Aaron warned the guy. He did his job to uphold bros before hos - even if Castiel is barely a bro and Aaron co-ran Kelly's campaign for City Council and let her cry into his shoulder when she lost, and he went to church with Daphne for a couple weeks because she knew her abusive ex-boyfriend was going to be there. 

Mom practically had a heart attack when she heard about the Church thing through the grapevine, which stunned Aaron to no end because, of all his siblings, he was the only one who actually followed up on his threat to get kicked out of Hebrew school. Organized religion has never been his thing, anyway. Two Sundays with Kelly sandwiching Daphne in the pews wasn’t going to change that.

Moreover, it’s not like Aaron's never leaned on the girls for help. Daphne called her second-cousin, the cardiologist, to give a third-opinion on Dad's diagnosis. Kelly let Aaron sleep on her couch for a month because she lived across the street from the hospital. They listened to him whine about his unrequited thing for Dean Winchester when everything else in his life was going to hell. Speaking of-

“So you know Dean pretty well?” Aaron asks casually.

Castiel freezes.

“You keep staring at him,” Aaron says.

“I -”

“Relax,” Aaron says as he leans back against the bar. “Been there.”

Castiel purses his lips. “Daphne did mention you were… involved.”

“That’s a nice way of putting it,” Aaron says, since Daphne could’ve been a lot more damning in her assessment. “We slept together a couple of times. I was feeling it - he wasn’t - and that was the end of that.”

“Oh,” Castiel says, looking relieved. He glances at Aaron out of the corner of his eye. “And do you still… like him?”

Aaron snorts. “I mean, we’re not in middle school. It’s a little more complicated.”

Castiel’s brows draw together in a forbidding frown.

“I was just gonna say,” Aaron supplies quickly, “do I still think he’s hot? Yes, I have eyes. Do I want to marry him and push my mother over the edge by marrying a guy and a goy? Not anymore.”

Castiel settles back down, and Aaron makes a mental note not to piss him off anytime soon. “A word of advice?” he says as he turns back around to grab their drinks, “Don’t insult his car - or Led Zeppelin - or his brother.”

Surprised, Castiel takes a moment before laughing. “Or pie.”

“No quicker way to get your name on Dean Winchester’s shit list,” Aaron agrees. He surveys Castiel again. “So you know him pretty well already?”

Castiel shrugs. “We went to high school together.”

“Kelly mentioned,” Aaron says. “What was he like?”

“Dean?”

“No, Gary Busey,” Aaron says, rolling his eyes, “of course Dean.”

Castiel doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “Very similar to how he is now,” he says, which doesn’t tell Aaron much. “Charming. Caring. Intelligent in the strangest of ways.” Castiel pauses. “Handsome.”

“Yeah, that does sound like him,” Aaron agrees. He’s been on the receiving end of Dean’s charm offensive once or twice. It’s always left his head spinning.

Interrupting his train of thought, “Hey!” Dean calls shamelessly across the bar. “What are you two alte kakers up to?”

Aaron waves him off, unable to hide his smile at Dean’s casual Yiddish. He only picked up two or three words from Aaron, back when Aaron dove head-first into his ill-advised thing with Dean so he didn’t have to think about all the other shit going on in his life. “Here, grab the sides will you?” Aaron asks Castiel. “I think we’ve left Dean alone with them for long enough.”

Castiel dutifully picks up the mozzarella sticks and fries as Aaron double-checks his tray of glasses won’t topple over.

“Watch who you’re calling old men,” Aaron tells Dean as he sets the drinks down at their table.

“You were just gabbing up there,” Dean protests, reaching for his beer, “leaving these two lovely ladies with only little old me for company.”

Castiel snorts as Daphne rolls her eyes above the rim of her drink.

“Then you should’ve gone with yentas ,” Aaron says as he sits down.

“Like Barbra Streisand?” Dean eyes them both up and down. “Can’t say I see the resemblance.”

Aaron runs a hand down his face. “How do you know Barbra Streisand and not what yenta means?”

“Sammy made me watch it,” Dean says into his beer.

Aaron laughs. “Sure.”

“Hey, Castiel,” Daphne interrupts, “Dean was telling us the funniest story about you from way back-”

Castiel shoots Aaron a desperate look, but Aaron just grabs a mozzarella stick and settles in. Let the girls have their fun. 

* * *

“So, Castiel, are you seeing anyone?” Kelly asks after finishing her third whiskey sour. Nine months of sobriety/pregnancy had shot her tolerance to nothing. And, sure, Jack is almost four now, but Kelly still has a hard time knowing when to call it quits.

Whatever. She doesn’t regret the question. It’s been plaguing her and Daphne - and by extension Aaron because he had to listen to them - for a whole goddamn week.

Daphne’s eyes go wide.

Off to the side, Aaron slaps his hand to his forehead.

Dean turns to Castiel, his gaze piercing.

Castiel goes bright red. It’s a good color on him. Brings out the blue in his eyes. “I - well, that is to say - I am not - it’s complicated?” he fumbles.

Dean snorts as he picks up his beer to take a long pull.

Kelly frowns. “It’s complicated?” she repeats, disappointed. “How?”

“I am not comfortable discussing my personal life with colleagues,” Castiel says stiltedly.

Dean thumps him on the back. “Good move,” he says, “these three are the worst gossips in the school.”

“Hey!” Kelly protests automatically although Dean is, unfortunately, right. But it’s not her fault everyone else on staff at Edlund High doesn’t know how to have a good time.

Daphne knocks back her cosmo murderously.

Aaron shrugs.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Dean adds, “definitely has its uses. Just something for the newbie to know, right, Cas?”

“Of course,” Castiel says, sounding like he doesn’t know what exactly he’s agreeing to. 

What a cutie. Kelly grins as she leans in over the table. “You want to know which students are the worst?”

Dean frowns. “Come on, there’s no need to dunk on minors.”

“Who’s dunking?” Kelly asks innocently. “I was going to warn him about Max Banes.”

“Oh, yeah, you should know about him, Cas,” Dean says with a laugh. “Kid’s a horndog. Gives my libido a run for my money.”

Castiel blinks. “Does he… pursue teachers?”

Daphne pats his hand. “Not yet. These three think it’s only a matter of time.”

“Oh,” Cas says, “That was very frowned upon at Carver Preparatory.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “It’s frowned on here too, asshole. If he makes any… advances, just let Jody know. She and Donna - the guidance counselor - can handle it.”

“If I was going to put my psych degree to good use,” Daphne adds, “I would read into his lack of father figure. Their mom’s great, but Max doesn’t have a lot of male role models in his life.”

Kelly scowls.

Dean huffs into his beer. “Single parents have it rough, though.”

“Of course they do,” Daphne says with a significant look at Kelly. “Nobody’s saying they don’t.”

“I was raised by a single dad,” Dean protests, “and he raised me and my brother right.” He holds up a hand, and Castiel snaps his mouth shut before Kelly had even noticed it opening in the first place. “Don’t you start. I know you have thoughts about Dad, but that’s a conversation for another day.”

Kelly eyes them both curiously, but before she can ask, Aaron interrupts, “Did you guys hear about Krissy and Aidan? I think they are finally going to-”

“No way!” Daphne says, shaking her head. “She’s clueless. And he’s inept. The worst combination.”

“I believe in them,” Kelly announces. “What’d you hear, Aaron?”

As Aaron launches into the latest installment of their favorite will-they won’t-they senior couple, Kelly can finally appreciate the lazy smile Castiel wears as he settles in to listen. Maybe Aaron was right, and she and Daphne came on a little strong.

Whatever. No regrets. She wouldn’t trade that valuable intel from Castiel for anything. 

* * *

That was Kelly’s last night out for a solid month. Every other weekend, her usual babysitter called in sick or said she was busy. And usually Kelly would be happy to spend more time with her son, but come on. A month with no breaks? 

Christ, she’s such a bad mom.

Times like this don’t help.

“Jack?” Kelly calls, spinning around in the department store. Panic races through her veins. “Jack!”

She had turned her back for one minute to grab a set of towels from the highest shelf, and by the time she turned around, Jack was gone. She scans the surrounding racks of linens, her eyes peeled for any sign of Jack’s Spider-Man shirt. Heart beating erratically, she pushes her shopping cart back towards the bedding aisle - Jack had been enamored with a set of hideous, bright orange sheets, and Kelly had only gotten him away by bribing him with a piece of nougat.

“Jack!” she shouts again, going a bit red in the face as people turn to stare. 

“Kelly?” 

Shit. How could she miss Dean Winchester standing right in front of her?

“Dean!” Kelly greets, pasting on a fake smile as she cranes her neck around to scan the aisles behind him. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“It was recently brought to my attention I needed a bathmat,” Dean grumbles, “and a shower curtain that doesn’t have the Scooby Gang on it.”

Kelly laughs, a tad hysterically. “Probably. I - well, nice running into you. I need to go - my son’s wandered off, and I need to find him because I am not a terrible mother.”

But instead of standing to the side, Dean adopts a pained expression. “He’s four, right?”

Kelly blinks. “Yes.”

Dean jerks his head for Kelly to follow. “I think I know where he is,” Dean says griml

Bemused, Kelly pushes her cart after Dean, back to the display beds. Her eyes zero in on the orange eye-sore, currently occupied by a jumping toddler. A dark-haired man perches on one edge with his back to them, apparently trying to communicate with Kelly’s wayward son.

She all but sprints forward, nearly bumping her shopping cart into several bed frames. “Jack!” she says loudly, and Jack stops at once. 

“Mama!” he calls back delightedly.

“What are you doing?”

“Jumping.”

Kelly resists the urge to facepalm. “What did I tell you about wandering off? Or talking to stran-” She backtracks, finally focusing on the man. “Oh, hi, Castiel.”

“Hello, Kelly,” Castiel says, his deep voice sending a frisson down her spine like it always does.

“You know Mama?” Jack asks, looking from Kelly to Castiel and back again.

“We work together,” Castiel explains.

“This is Castiel,” Kelly introduces, and Jack wastes no time in chirping out, “Nice to meet you Castiel!’ 

Castiel sticks out his hand like he’s greeting the President instead of Kelly’s four-year-old son. “You as well, Jack.”

“What’re you doing here?” Kelly asks as Jack gives Castiel’s hand a theatrical shake. 

Castiel’s brow furrows. “Purchasing home goods?” He gets to his feet. “I was searching for a suitable bathmat when I found Jack.”

“A bathmat,” Kelly echoes, whirling in place to see a red-faced Dean a few paces away, apparently enthralled by a set of outrageously mundane pillows.

“Yes?” Castiel confirms, following her gaze and blushing furiously. “Ah, hello, Dean. I - I didn’t see you there?”

Dean throws his hands in the air, giving up on all pretenses. “You’re impossible,” he says to Castiel.

“You’re buying a bathmat together?” Kelly asks, confused.

“Dean doesn’t have one,” Castiel says promptly. 

“I didn’t need one until-” Dean closes his mouth with a snap.

Kelly stares at the pair of them. “Do you two live together?” she demands.

Castiel opens his mouth, but no words come out.

Kelly turns to Dean, who is rapidly scanning for the exits.

“Are you the ‘it’s complicated’?” she asks curiously, only looking away as Jack pats her knee determinedly, his face hopeful.

“Up?” he asks.

Kelly sighs and hefts him into her arms. “You’re getting too big for this.”

“Am not,” Jack mumbles into her shoulder.

Kelly presses a kiss to his forehead and turns back to Castiel and Dean, who look more like two students caught passing notes than fully grown men. “Well?”

Dean shares a loaded glance with Castiel, and Kelly has no idea how she missed the whole couple thing. Eventually, he says, “After two f-” he glances at Jack, “-friggin’ years, he finally got sick of cold feet in my bathroom.”

“Two years,” Kelly gapes.

Castiel sighs. “Three.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t start sleeping over at-”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupts in a growl.

Dean rubs the back of his neck. He coughs. “Anyway,” he says, “Yes, we’re dating. No, it’s not really that complicated. Cas just doesn’t like to talk about it at work.”

“Hm,” Kelly says neutrally.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread it around,” Castiel says as Dean snorts derisively.

“Hey,” Kelly says, defensive, “I can do that.”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “You can?”

“Sure, if you ask, Jesus,” Kelly says, rolling her eyes. “I’m not a monster.”

“Thank you,” Castiel says gratefully.

Kelly grins. “But if I can’t spread it around, Daphne’s still going to go after him like he’s a prize heifer at a state fair.”

Castiel squints at her, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “She was pursuing me?” 

Dean guffaws. “Don’t ever change, man.” He claps him on the back while turning back to Kelly. “We can handle Daphne. Don’t worry.”

“Whatever, boys,” Kelly says as she pushes her cart back towards the linens, “it’s your funeral.” She hefts Jack higher in her arms. “Say goodbye to Dean and Castiel, Jack.” As Jack waves goodbye, she calls, “See you Monday!”

Sure, she’s a little disappointed Castiel is clearly off the dating market. But, bonus, she has blackmail material on not one, but two Edlund faculty members, and possibly a pinch-hitter babysitter waiting to happen. Not bad for a shopping trip with a four-year-old in tow.

* * *

Donna’s surprise party at Fizzle’s Folly is well underway by the time Aaron extricates himself from a lively discussion with his Head of Department and Rowena MacLeod, Edlund's chemistry teacher. Aaron will never, ever miss an opportunity to talk to a drunk Eleanor Visyak, and Rowena turned out to be surprisingly knowledgeable about 17th century English politics.

Still, he’s taken all the history talk he can stand, especially after teaching it for four hours to a bunch of high schoolers with varying degrees of interest. 

He finds Daphne in one of the far booths, tucked away with Castiel and Dean, surprise, surprise. After snagging another beer at the bar, he slides in next to Daphne. “What’s up?” he asks the three of them.

“Hey,” Dean greets with a toast of his glass.

“Hello, Aaron.”

“Budge up, you’re taking like three quarters of the seat,” Daphne complains.

“Daph was just telling us about her plans to do a joint project between GSA and the Amnesty International club,” Dean says. “Cas says he’ll come to GSA next week.”

“Yeah?” Aaron asks as Castiel nods in confirmation. “That’s great! I’d go check it out, but the Debate club meets at the same time.”

Castiel frowns. “Maybe I should run a club? Daphne has Amnesty International, Dean runs GSA, and you have Debate.”

“You can always ask Jody about forming a new one in January,” Aaron says. “Honestly, the hardest part’ll be finding a time to meet. Don’t go for afterschool Thursdays, or Benny will kick your ass.”

“Why?”

“He has his cooking club,” Dean says with a grin. “And, like, half the student body goes. I sometimes go and help out too, if he needs extra hands.”

“You’ll go if he’s making pie,” Aaron corrects.

“It’s for the kids!” Dean protests over Castiel’s chuckles. “Benny’s got a lot of skills, but he has a lot to learn when it comes to pie. The kids need to know how to make a good pie.”

“If only to feed you later,” Aaron mutters.

“You’ll also want to avoid Tuesdays afterschool,” Daphne tells Castiel. “Jo’s self-defense club meets then, and it’s also got a large following.”

“Yeah, all the girls who wanna be like Jo sign up, and all the boys who want to see Jo all sweaty show up with semis,” Dean says with a shudder of revulsion.

Aaron kicks him under the table. “That’s sexist. How are you forgetting all the lesbians?”

“Ah, yes, can’t forget the lesbians,” Dean agrees sagely.

“Does this school have Model UN?” Castiel asks. “I was looking to set up a chapter at Carver before I switched positions.”

“No, we don’t,” Daphne says eagerly. “That’s an excellent idea.”

Dean drains the dregs of his beer. “I’m gonna get another, Cas? Daph? A-Game?”

Aaron rolls his eyes at the nickname. “I’m good,” he says, holding up his three-quarters full glass.

“Another cosmo, please?” Daphne asks.

“Sure.” Dean salutes.

“I’ll go with you,” Castiel says as Daphne’s face falls. “I need to stretch my legs.”

They leave, heads already bent together to hear each other over the dull roar of the party. “They seem close,” Aaron says, jerking his head.

Daphne sighs. “Yeah, they do,” she says morosely. She twirls her empty glass between her fingers. “Kelly’s given up on him. I think you might be right - he definitely has a thing for Dean.”

Aaron sips his beer. “I don’t blame him.”

“Of course you don’t,” Daphne says with a small grin, lightly kicking him under the table.

Before Aaron can think of anything else to say, Kelly appears over Daphne’s shoulder, her face flushed as it always gets when she drinks too much red wine. She slides into the side of the booth vacated by Dean and Castiel. “Some party, right? Did you see Garth doing shots?”

“No,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling. “And I don’t want to. I’ll stay here, out of the splash zone, thanks.”

Kelly giggles. “Why d’you think I’m over here instead of egging him on like Jo and Charlie.”

By the time Aaron finishes off the rest of his beer, Daphne’s still one cosmo short, and it’s been at least twenty minutes since he saw Dean and Castiel.

“Hey, I’ll go check up on that drink you’re waiting for,” Aaron says, getting to his feet.

“You sure?” Daphne asks, blinking hazily up at him. And okay, it’s probably good she had a breather between rounds.

“Yeah,” Aaron says, jerking his head towards the bar. “I need to piss anyway.”

“Gross,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling.

Kelly giggles, “If you think a little pee is gross, you don’t want to hear what Jack got up to with-”

Daphne actually places both hands over her ears and goes, “Na, na, na.”

Aaron leaves the pair of them laughing, with Kelly trying to pry Daphne’s hands away and Daphne getting louder with each tug.

He makes his way through the thinning crowd, waving to Eleanor when he spots her getting ready to leave and nodding to Charlie as she adjusts the empty shot glasses in front of her, Jo, and an impossibly red-faced Garth.

Aaron slides between the thinning crowd to duck out into the hallway leading to the bathrooms. As he gets closer to the men’s room, he slows. There are sounds coming from behind the door. Not like the pained bathroom sounds like Great Aunt Rachel gets after too much dairy. Porn sounds.

Aaron, torn between finding out who’s getting down and dirty at Donna’s surprise party, and getting Kelly and Daphne so they can witness the big reveal with him, is still rooted to the spot as the door bursts open and Castiel and Dean stumble out.

Cas’s hair is a bird’s nest of bedhead that would probably drop Daphne’s panties in a heartbeat. Dean’s cheeks are flushed, and Aaron definitely recognizes his immediate post-orgasm face.

“Fuck,” Dean swears as he finds his footing. He stares at Aaron, and Aaron stares right back.

“Aaron,” Castiel says breathlessly, temporarily drawing his attention. “You’re… here.”

“I had to pee,” Aaron says lamely.

“Oh, well, it’s all yours then,” Dean says, blushing to the roots of his hair as he gestures to the now available men’s room.

“Fuck no.” Aaron automatically recoils. There’s no way he’s touching any surface in that bathroom until it’s been scrubbed and bleached. He has some goddamn standards. He’d rather pee in the alley out back.

They linger awkwardly until Aaron speaks. He eyes the pair of them, his gaze ping-ponging back and forth. “So… you two are finally together?”

“Finally?” Dean echoes.

“Uh yeah,” Aaron says, confused. “Castiel clearly has a huge thing for you. Not to spill the beans or anything.”

A beat.

Dean cracks up.

Aaron, almost offended on Castiel’s behalf, opens his mouth as he catches sight of Castiel’s face, lips pressed tight together like he’s trying not to laugh. “You knew?”

Castiel slowly shakes his head as Dean leans on him for support, gasping for air. “Oh my god, Cas, that’s fucking embarrassing. D’you have a crush on me?”

“Shut up, Dean,” Castiel grumbles, shoving him off. To Aaron he says, “We’ve been dating for three years. He’s known about my feelings for a while now.”

“Oh,” Aaron says, drawing the syllable out as Dean composes himself.

“Jesus Christ,” Dean says, wiping at his eyes, “I thought I was going to give it all away, but turns out you’re just as obvious as you were in high school.”

Castiel sighs. “We were trying to not spread our relationship around.”

“Cas wanted to get settled in before people started saying he was my trophy husband,” Dean says with a wink.

Horror seizes Aaron. “You’re not married, are you?” he blurts. He glances down at their hands - no rings - and he would never forgive himself for missing something that obvious.

“No,” Castiel shakes his head, “we are only dating for now.”

“Not yet.”

Castiel turns to Dean in surprise, and Aaron really doesn’t need to be here for that conversation. “Oh-kay,” he says, sidling around them, “I still gotta,” he jerks his head towards the men’s room. 

“Right!” Dean says, grinning. “We should get back to the party. Say hi to Donna.”

Aaron makes his exit, sighing in relief as the door closes behind him. He should be fine if he doesn’t touch anything. Or look at any shiny surfaces too closely. Once upon a time, he lived with a dozen Alpha Epsilon Pi brothers. He can do this.

* * *

Daphne has had it up to here with her juniors. Yes, Homecoming is this weekend. No, their essays aren’t due until next week, but that doesn’t excuse their behavior this Friday afternoon. Nobody wants to be in class at a quarter to three. High school juniors don’t. Daphne sure as hell doesn’t. They can’t cut her a little slack?

When the bell finally rings, Daphne sighs in relief. She dismisses her class with a terse, “Aufiderzein.”

She gathers her files together, grumbling to herself about stupid staff meetings on Friday. It’s like Jody wants them to surreptitiously play games on their phones and text each other when she’s looking the other way or yelling at Rowena for blowing up the Chemistry Lab again. 

At least Benny always brings snacks from Thursday’s Cooking Club. 

Daphne glances at her watch. Jody gives them a half-hour to get their affairs in order, but Daphne doesn’t mind staking out her seat in the Teachers Lounge early. She can save spots for Kelly and Aaron and stake out the precious few non-wobbly chairs.

She stops by the Language Office, pleasantly surprised to find it empty. No Dean, Kelly, or Castiel in sight. Daphne quickly gathers her freshmen pop quizzes to grade this weekend and her copy of Die Verwandlung.

She rounds the final corner before the Teachers Lounge and stops dead. Because Aaron and Kelly are hovering outside the door and spying through the slim glass pane. Without her.

“What’s going on?” Daphne asks curiously.

“Ah!” Kelly whirls around, clutching her heart.

“Daphne!” Aaron says loudly. “What’re you doing here?”

“Saving us a seat for the meeting?” Daphne says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Like I do every month?”

Aaron and Kelly share a loaded look. Aaron is the first one to speak, “I think we’re good this time.”

“Why?” Daphne asks, stepping closer. She frowns as Kelly and Aaron automatically stand shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking her view of the narrow window.

“Students are in there,” Aaron blurts.

“Puking,” Kelly adds.

Daphne doesn’t believe them for a second. “And you’re just standing there watching it happen?”

“Schadenfreude?” Aaron tries. “It’s the mean ones. You know. The kids we don't like.”

Daphne rolls her eyes, pushing them aside and standing on her tiptoes to see.

“We tried,” Aaron grumbles to her right.

“They can’t fault us for that,” Kelly says to her left.

At first, it looks like the Teachers Lounge is empty. Most seats are unoccupied, and nobody’s loitering by the coffee machine. One of the tables is strewn with three mostly-empty mini pie tins. Cherry, by the color. Movement catches her eye, and, woah how did she miss that?

“No way,” she breathes, glancing at Aaron and Kelly for confirmation.

Aaron scuffing his shoes against the floor, nods sheepishly.

“They made me promise not to tell,” Kelly says ruefully, lips pursing. 

“Dean and Castiel?” Daphne gasps, squinting to better see Edlund High’s newest hire and favorite English teacher (no offense, Kelly) getting at it on the lumpy couch in the back that no one sat on because of this very reason.

She rounds on them. “You knew?” she hisses.

Kelly huffs an impatient sigh, blowing a few brown strands of hair out of her face. “I ran into them shopping together a few weeks ago.”

Aaron grimaces. “I nearly walked in on them having sex in the bathroom at Donna’s surprise party last weekend.”

Daphne blinks at the pair of them, hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kelly opens her mouth but no words come out.

“This is the first guy since Mark you showed an interest in,” Aaron rushes to say.

“We didn’t want to ruin it,” Kelly says.

Daphne’s eyes narrow. “And you didn’t think the fact that he’s clearly taken would ruin it?”

“I don’t know,” Kelly says, throwing her hands in the hair. “Sue us, we liked seeing you happy for however long it lasted!”

Daphne softens. 

“We thought,” Aaron says, glancing at Kelly for support, “You were getting over Castiel, anyway.”

A small, petty part of Daphne is tempted to deny it as punishment for keeping this from her. But mostly she’s relieved. “Yeah, mostly,” she mutters.

“So… we good?” Aaron tries.

Kelly loops her arm around her in a one-armed hug. “Of course we are.”

Daphne rolls her eyes. “Of course,” she echoes as Aaron pats her on the back, a wide grin spreading over his face. And, yeah, this is why she has the two best friends on Earth.

“What are you three up to?” 

The smile slides off Kelly’s face. “Jody!” she says, spinning around to meet their Principal, holding a paper cup of coffee, and trailed by what looks like half the Edlund High teachers.

Oh shit.

Aaron not-so-accidentally knocks his elbow, loudly, into the door as he turns to face Jody et al. “We didn’t see you there,” he says conversationally.

“Hm,” Jody hums as she reaches past them for the doorknob. “Meeting’s going to start in ten.”

“Can we make it fifteen?” Aaron asks desperately, shuffling to the side so he better blocks the way in.

Jody shakes her head, throwing him a bemused look. “I’m pretty sure everyone wants this started with and over as soon as possible.”

“If you need to urinate, Bass, do it now,” Rowena sniffs.

“I don’t-” Aaron starts, breaking off as Jody finally opens the door. 

She stops dead in her tracks.

“Jody!” Dean’s voice carries through the doorway, uncharacteristically high. “’S it time for the meeting already?”

Jo elbows her way to the front. “Goddammit,” she says, sounding completely unsurprised as she stands next to Jody. “Really, guys?”

The rest of the staff curiously filter in.

Behind Daphne, Benny surreptitiously slides Charlie a few bills, muttering, “I told them this was stupid.”

Charlie laughs. “But you still thought they’d last until Homecoming.”

“What can I say,” Benny says, shrugging, “I’m an optimist. And I was so close.”

Daphne meets Charlie’s eyes, asking in a low voice, “Did everyone know?”

Charlie see-saws her hand back and forth as they take their seats. “About half,” she says, glancing behind them to where Dean and Castiel are attempting to make themselves presentable. “Turns out, they’re really bad at keeping the whole ‘Destiel’ thing under wraps. It’s adorable they thought they could try.”

Daphne looks too, and there’s no mistaking what Dean and Castiel were doing. Their lips are swollen from kissing, and, weirdly, Castiel’s tie faces the right way. Daphne snorts. Probably because he didn’t tie it himself, for once.

Jody clears her throat. “Alright, settle down, guys,” she says with a sharp glare in Dean and Castiel’s direction. “As you all know, Homecoming is next weekend-”

* * *

Jody pinches the bridge of her nose. “Okay, that’s all that was on my agenda for today’s meeting-” she waits for the cheers to die down “but, Dean and Castiel, can you stay for a sec?”

Castiel visibly swallows.

Dean scowls.

Jody waits for the rest of the staff to leave.

Nobody moves a muscle.

“Jesus Christ,” Jody swears under her breath. She’s managing children. Horrible, gossipy children. “Okay, I guess everyone could use a refresher.” She clears her throat. “PDA is strictly discouraged among faculty. It’s in the goddamn handbook, people.”

“Really, Jody?” Dean complains.

“I’m not saying you can’t be in a relationship,” Jody says with a sharp look. “Just don’t… advertise it.”

“You got something against two dudes making out?” Dean demands, half-getting up from his seat.

“Of course not, you ass,” Jody says in a long-suffering voice, “I do have something against teenagers making out in every hallway and empty classroom, which they will if they see their two favorite teachers doing it.” She shakes her head. “If you want to hold hands or take an ad out in the school paper, be my guest.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Castiel says hesitantly, wasting no time in reaching for Dean’s hand.

“Plus,” Jody says loftily, “I’ve been dating Donna for six months, and you don’t see me dragging her into supply closets, do you?” And into the stunned silence, Jody stands up to leave.

There are various cries of, “Donna?”

Donna throws her hands in the air as Kelly, Daphne, and Aaron converge on her like piranhas tasting blood in the water. “Jeez Louise,” Donna grumbles, “a little warning wouldn’t kill ya, would it Jody-o?”

“Probaby,” Jody says, giving them all a jaunty salute. “Enjoy your weekends, everyone!”

[gladiatortale]

My DEPRESSION BEATING, fandom obsessing, shit-tastic FANTASTIC year in review!

TL;DR: I’m fixing my mental health and figuring out WHO THE FUCK I AM one fandom filled day at a time! Thank you to everyone who’s been there for me along the way. xoxo

what’s up HEATHENS.

stating the goddamn obvious here, it’s been a HELLUVA YEAR. One emotional rollercoaster after another but we’re ALMOST DONE. I know things aren’t gonna magically get better the second it flips to 00:01 on January first, but I’m excited to put this year behind me, and (SHOCKINGLY) a bit sad to see it go.

It was a year where the whole world completely stopped, we realized what is really important, what is really worth fighting for, and took a GODDAMN SECOND to just breathe.

For me personally, the year (which I’m counting off from November 1st) started out UNBELIEVABLY SHIT. I had just been kicked out of the country I called home for the last four years (thank you Brexit), I had ZERO job prospects, my depression was the WORST it had ever been, and I just didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. And in the beginning, the pandemic felt like salt in the wound, an extra kick in the teeth to my early twenties that had already “failed to launch.”

But I tried to embrace the madness, really take advantage of the world (that I always thought moved to fast) properly slowing down, and take time to try and become myself again. I wanted to figure out what I loved and try and become a bit more like the person I was before my depression got so bad.

I often say I became that Manic Trash Planet Lady™ you see in sci-fi adventure films; a bit zany to say the least, with a million ideas and a very eclectic fashion sense, but embracing the insanity as it comes...

*cough cough* audrey, get to the goddamn point!

Right. lol. THE POINT IS! 

I’m not 100% “healed”, I’m not sure if I think depression is a “oh look you’re officially cured! hooray!” type of disease, but this year I let myself ENJOY SHIT for the first time in god knows how long. I still don’t know “wHaT i WaNt To dO WiTh mY LiFe”, but I’ve got a better idea and I’m heading in (what feels like) the right direction. And most of all, I can look back and say I am better than where I was a year ago.

So I wanted to say T H A N K Y O U to the mad lads on this website that introduced me to the fandoms, shows, movies, fics... THE SHIT that made me happy this year and were there to be one (BIG) piece in my healing journey.

AND SO, with out further rambling ADO! Here are the highlights of the year marked by my ridiculous hyper-fixations and OBSESSIONS. Thanks for putting up with me ya fiends, xoxox

November 2019  The Arcana (Visual Novel)

I had just gotten home and I was in a LOOOOOOW place. Randomly decided to download this app when it came up and it proceeded to ruin my life (and my bank account...) for pretty much the rest of the year. It was exactly what I needed to get me through a tough time and I was thoroughly, horse-blinders-up-to-the-rest-of-the-world, OBSESSED. These gorgeous magical fiends ruined me and all I could say was thank you.

Joined the fandom: November 2019 Obsession peaked: Late November Obsession faded: December 2019; I started a new job AND my bank statement came in and I realized I had accidentally spent over SIXTY BUCKS on this stupid app. No ragrets, but I definitely started to phase out at that point. Fandom friends: Velma, (@lanavxds on insta) miss you girlie xx Fanfics you NEED to read: ‘Second Mistake’ by DeathBelle on AO3, because DAAAAAYUM SON. Favourite moments: Basically the whole of the Julian arc. That gangly himbo OWNED my ass for a month.

December 2019 Hazbin Hotel (TV Series)

Y’ALL okay here me out. Am I proud of this one? No. Is the show crass as hell? OOOOOOOOHHHH YEAH. Did my angsty ass love it at the end of last year? DAMN STRAIGHT IT DID. Goes without saying, but this is NOT FOR EVERYBODY, but it definitely helped me along the way to becoming more comfortable with myself and being open about being the massive geek that I always was, and watching things I enjoy regardless of what people say about it.

Joined the fandom: December 2019 Obsession peaked: Shortly there after. Fandom friends: None. Dipped one toe in fandom discourse and then promptly YEETED the fuck outta there. Obsession faded: January 2019. Still curious to see the full series if A24 actually ever does produce the whole thing, but I have def moved away from it. Fanfics you NEED to read: Haven’t read any. Maybe I’m a pussy baby piece-o-shit, but I DID NOT want to go down that rabbit hole, NO MA’AM. Favourite moments:

Discovering the Hunicast podcast. These guys are a riot and Ashley is a flustered GEM. Even if you don’t watch the show, go watch an episode of these fucking LADS just dicking about and your day will get better.

Watching the first episode with my partner and watching him realize his girlfriend is a total freak.

January 2020 Lore Olympus (Webtoon Comic)

*Officially* discovered this one thanksgiving weekend in 2019, but my Arcana phase was still raging pretty strong at that point so I didn’t really get in to it until later. EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER NEEDS TO READ IT. It has everything and handles the reality sexual assault and it’s aftermath EXTREMELY well.

Joined the fandom: Late November 2019 Obsession peaked: January 2020 Fandom friends: KELLEY. MA GIRL XOXOXO Obsession faded: June-ish 2020. I’m like 10 chapters behind now, but I still love this story so much. Fanfics you NEED to read: SO MANY ON MY ‘MARKED FOR LATER’ LIST AAAAAH. I have to get to that... NEW YEARS RESOLUTION lol Favourite moments: Having a drunk conversation on New Years Eve in 2019 with one of my oldest friends from high school about how much she loved it too. Helped me see how popular fandom and fandoms, are especially after feeling like I needed to hide my enthusiasm through high school and uni. (THAT WAS A MISTAKE BUT I’LL GET THERE IN A MINUTE).

February 2020 Versailles (TV Series)

SO FUCKING GAY Y’ALL. Oh my god everyone in this show is so gay. Even when they’re not they still are a little bit. AND BEST OF ALL!! it’s very historically accurate (except for the demon satanic nonsense in season 3, what was that???)

Joined the fandom: February 2020 Obsession peaked: Like??? The SECOND I finished episode one. Fandom friends: none... WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU??? Obsession faded: March 2020. It was a fast and passionate love affair, what can I say? Fanfics you NEED to read: IF YOU HAVE RECS, GIVE ‘EM TO MEEEEE. Favourite moments: 

Showing the first episode to a friend of mine and the *ungodly GASP* that came out of her throat was... PRICELESS.

The ENTIRE throuple(???) relationship between the Chevalier, Philipe, and Palatine. PLATONIC/ ROMANTIC LOVE G O A L S.

March 2020 Yuri!!! On Ice (TV Series)

*deep breath* ...y’all knew this one was coming.

Was I ready for this show to ruin my fucking life? No.  Am I so glad it happened??? FUCK YEAH.

NEVER IN MY LIFE have I fallen off the deep end so quickly with a fandom. HOLY SHIT. This blog didn’t have much of an “identity” before, but I you said that this is a Yuri On Ice blog now I wouldn’t even be mad (nor could I really defend myself to the contrary... bc??? like??? just go LOOK at my archive). Craziest thing is I watched the first two episodes like?? a solid TWO YEARS ago, but I didn’t continue watching because I was just not in the right head space for all the love and silliness and positivity.

I could do a whole separate post about how much this show and how this fandom has changed my life (DON’T TEMPT ME I JUST MIGHT). But I’ll stick with the highlights for now ;)

Joined the fandom: March 2020  Obsession peaked: Has it peaked?? Went straight up and it still going lol Fandom friends: Sandra, my mentor, my queen @aeriamamaduck, my fandom ride-or-die. Thank you for taking this internet bby under your wing. RACHEL @idancewiththefairies I TRAPPED YOU HERE. MUAHAHAHA xxx Obsession faded: ON GOING. CAN’T STOP, WON’T STOP. Fanfics you NEED to read: jfc, SO MANY.

‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ and ‘Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts’ by Reiya @kazliin​ -- Rivals AU companion pieces. Longest fics I’ve ever read and JESUS CHRIST these two fucking SENT ME. Most popular YOI fics on AO3 for a REASON.

‘Tell Me Where Your Love Lies’ by @aeriamamaduck -- Royalty AU, trope-breaking ABO. Ah sweet, TMWYLL, how you’ve killed me over and over again. This BEAUTIFUL wip has SUCH amazing world-building idk where to start (Congrats on passing 50,000 hits!) EVERYONE GO READ IT.

‘Blackbird’ by sixpences -- WWII/Coldwar Spy Fic. I don’t have enough words to describe how amazing this is. It’s elevated to a higher plane beyond fanfic. Just go read it. Thank me later.

‘Zanka’ by rinsled05 @dreaming-fireflies -- The geisha fic that ruined me. *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH *gasp* I’m fine. lol I sooooo not ready for this fic. Holy hell, Aoyagi had my heart in his hands from the first chapter. “’Please’ [...] ‘Don’t give me hope.’“ FUUUUCK.

‘Echoes’ by Reiya @kazliin -- Future fic. First fic I cried at... BOI. I was NOT ready for this. Shouldn’t be surprised given the author, but MAN. “‘A love like that, a love like what they had together, it never leaves completely.’ Yuri spoke again, eyes still staring out onto the ice, lost in memory. ‘There are always echoes.’” JUST FUCK ME UP.

Favourite moments: Oh good lord, where do I begin??

Having two (count ‘em TWO) main characters with mental health issues (Yuuri and his anxiety and Victor with burn out and depression) and NOT MAKING IT THE ONLY ASPECT OF THEIR PERSONALITY. CLAPS FOR KUBO AND YAMAMOTO!!

Everything about Yurio (ESPECIALLY HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YUUKO AND HIS GRANDPA), that tsundere motherfucker is too pure for this world.

THE KISS. THE PROPOSAL. MY HEART WASN’T READY. AAAAAH!!

This fandom *properly* introducing me to smut on AO3...

Thinking I was going to get Rachel to like the show... NOT being prepared for her to fall off the deep end and START LIKING REAL SKATING TOO!!

Staying up waaaaaay too late waaaaaay too often to plan out plot points for TMWYLL with Sandra. Love ya dearie.

The warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I think about Victor and Yuuri.

April 2020 Bungou Stray Dogs (TV Series)

I had a hunch I was gonna like this show considering ALL of the characters are based off of famous classic authors from around the world... what I was NOT prepared for was just HOW MUCH I was going to love it. HOLY SHIT. The art style? Love it. The plot?? Bonkers, but so fun. THE VOICE CAST??? AMAZING. Highly recommend to anyone who wants to get in to anime, great place to start.

Joined the fandom: April 2020 Obsession peaked: Probably this summer? But we have DEF plateaued in a VERY high place. Fandom friends: FIJI. MA BOIIIII @lil-1nsane  Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Hope it doesn’t Fanfics you NEED to read: So so so many. The smut in this fandom is *chef’s kiss*, but here are a few...

‘He Works Hard For the Money’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- Sugar Daddy AU. FUCK MAN. I was not expecting to like this one, but bloody hell. This fic grabbed me by the throat and WOULD NOT let me go. Praying for chapter 16! But the author is working on another STELLAR fic so I’m okay for now.

‘Everything or Nothing’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- University AU. FUCK THIS FIC. Started reading it as I was waiting for HWHFTM to update and BOI, this fic ROCKS. The alternating POV fits so well with the enemies/idiots-to-lovers vibe. Solid 10 outta 10.

‘The City Where Wind Blows’ by @raven-rein​ -- Cancer Death fic. *pained shriek* AAAAAAGUUUUUUUHHHH *gasp* aaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, FUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKK MEEEEE. THIS FIC. Only the second fic I’ve ever cried to but I BAWLED MY GODDAMN EYES OUT. FUUUUUUUCK. I was not ready, never would have been ready. This is so tremendously well done, it killed me so beautifully, 

‘Haunted by Hatred’ by DeathBelle -- Canon compliant Soukoku. It is a CRIME that DeathBelle doesn’t have more BSD fics on her page, but this one is still brilliant.

Favourite moments:

THE CHUUYA-DAZAI MAFIA REUNION TEAM UP WHEN THEY FIGHT LOVECRAFT. Ooof. BOI. We love it.

The first three episodes. Soooo many break neck plot twists.

Every insane hypothetical conversation with Fiji.

Every time Atsushi or Tanizaki is on screen bc I LOVE THESE LIL BEANS.

June 2020 Trash Taste (Podcast)

Goddamn I love these chaotic lads so much.

As I became more and more comfortable with myself and my love for anime I stumbled upon these three goons, -- Joey, Connor, and Garnt, -- best known for there SUPER successful (mostly) anime YouTube channels. Even if you don’t watch anime, WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST. The focus is mostly on their lives and the overall expat/immigrant experience, with a bit of anecdotal anime references sprinkled in. 

This show is both wholesome and heathenous in equal measure, and after having lived abroad for a significant portion of my (admittedly still quite short) life, it was such a breath of fresh air to hear people talk so openly about how living outside your home country is both wonderful and terrifying. They’re wonderfully candid about the fact that even if you love a place dearly, no where is perfect, and you WILL hate somethings about your new home even if the majority of the experience is fantastic. I cannot rate this show highly enough.

Joined the fandom: June 5th 2020, loved it from the first episode. Obsession peaked: July maybe? I was RELIGIOUS about watching the episodes as soon as they came out. Still watch every week, but less “on time.” Fandom friends: None :( but I have tricked my partner in to listening several times :) Obsession faded: It’s dimmed from where it was, but still going strong. Fanfics you NEED to read: NONE. NEVER PLAN TO. Hard and fast rule, I don’t read fics about real people. Characters played by real people, even that’s a maybe for me. But real-real people? FUCK NO. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Any time Garnt and Connor get into a big-brain-monkey-brain argument and Joey is just LOSING his GODDAMN MIND in the corner.

Bringing a retired Japanese porn star in the show for an honest conversation about consensual sex work and showing people can have more than one career in life.

Everything about the, ‘Are Online Friends Real Friends?’ episode. GO WATCH IT, it’s brilliant.

Garnt making “chotto-THE-FUCKING-matte” an expression

August 2020 Great Pretender (TV Series)

Spent most of the summer marinating in my BSD and YOI bubbles, until THIS BAD BOI came up on my Netflix recommendations. HOOOO BOI. This is some Anime Of The Year shit right here. Has a pretty original concept (Catch Me If You Can by way of Oceans 11-ish) but generally starts out like most other shounen (sans the super powers). AND THEN EPISODE FIVE HAPPENS. Not gonna spoil it but they TOOK THAT SHIT UP A NOTCH. Brilliant, even with a bit of an insane ending. GO WATCH THIS ONE.

Joined the fandom: August 2020 Obsession peaked: Pretty much as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: What’s up Fiji ;) @lil-1nsane Obsession faded: Naturally faded, but so glad I watched Fanfics you NEED to read: None so far! Little scared about this one, heard mixed reviews, but maybe someday. Favourite moments:

Edamame’s “madness arc” at the end of season 2. HOOOO BOY.

Laurent getting fucking WRECKED when Edamame punches him mid way through season 2, kills me every time.

Introducing my partner to anime with this show.

October 2020 Attack on Titan (TV Series)

RETURN OF THE KING. lol

In my quest to find an anime that I can watch with my partner, I turned on season 1 of this bad boi. Holy hell I forgot how much I loved this show, NO WONDER everyone lost their goddamn minds when this show first aired. I NEED to catch up before all the season four spoilers come to get me...

Joined the fandom: Winter 2016 Obsession peaked: Basically as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: None yet, but I know you’re out there... Obsession faded: 2017, JUST BEFORE SEASON TWO... I should have stuck around longer I know, but it’s slowly coming back. Reeeeeally need to catch up on seasons two, three, and four. Fanfics you NEED to read: GIVE ME YOUR RECS HEATHENS. Favourite moments:

Watching my partner FREAK OUT about Eren’s “death.”

EVERYTHING ABOUT POTATO GORL! lol

Getting in a conversation with a die hard fan after I hadn’t watched it in three years and saying... “Who’s that blond bitch that cries all the time?”/ “Armin?”/ “THAT’S THE ONE!”

November 2020... kind of. Figure Skating (Sport)

Okay this one is a bit hard to explain. 

I have been a DIE HARD figure skating for A LOOOOOONG time. My grandmother got me a hat from the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City and I remember watching even then. But I first became consciously aware of different skaters, my faves, etc. from about 2010. I vividly remember watching Plushenko skating in 2014 while on a school trip to Hawaii, and my friends laughing at me as I yelled at the TV.

But I didn’t TRULY get involved in the fandom side of it until this year. I had all this knowledge bottled up, but didn’t have any skating friends to talk to... UNTIL NOW. Super ironic that this happened in a year with almost NO skating, but I’ll take what I can get ;) Also did I stay up until FOUR-GODDAMN-THIRTY IN THE MORNING a few nights ago to stream Japanese Nationals on my phone??? YOU BET I DID.

Joined the fandom: Three times; 2002, 2010, and 2020. Obsession peaked: 2014? 2018? Idk it peaks any time someone does something amazing. Fandom friends: Rachel, my girl @idancewiththefairies​, WHY DIDN’T I INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS SOONER??? Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Won’t. lol Fanfics you NEED to read: NOPE. NONE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. No fanfics about real people. Never gonna change that. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir doing THAT routine at the 2018 Olympics.

Rachel​ sheepishly admitting to me that Shoma may have replaced Yuzu as her favourite, and me being SO DAMN PROUD of her for growing and developing her own skating opinions apart from me.

Yuzu’s 2012 ‘Romeo and Juliet’ routine and Worlds. THE RAW FUCKING POWER OF THAT SKATE.

Plushenko, cheeky bastard, changing his 2014 Team Event routine AS IT WAS HAPPENING.

The worlds friendliest rivalry between Yuzu and Nathan.

Any thing the Shibutani’s do, and all they do to break up the stereotype that all of Ice Dancing has to be rOmAnTiC and SeNsUaL to be good.

Watching my early faves become coaches and the D R A M A.

Honorable Mentions:

Coco (Film): I watched this the weekend I came home and I owe this movie a lot. It is so sweet an heartwarming, and it a roundabout way it brought me back to Tumblr (needed somewhere to vent my feelings considering I watched the movie a solid THREE YEARS after it came out, Tumblr seemed like the place to go lol). Watched in again in 2020 and it’s just as amazing.

Jekyll and Hyde (All media): Loved this book from the first time I read it in my first year of uni. But in December 2019, my fandom understanding reached its PEAK. The musical?? The comic?? YOOOOOO.

Dear Evan Hansen (Musical): I have BARELY engaged in fandom discourse, but the MUSIC. She fucking SLAPS.

Sirius the Jaeger (TV Series): This show is such an underrated gem. It literally has so much; "dead” family drama? Eclectic international group of monster hunters? Cowboys and vampires?? Yes, yes, and YES. And the main character has the same Japanese voice actor as Atsushi from BSD!

Studio Ghilbi (Films): My love affair with Ghibli goes back to when I was about 5 and BEGGED my mom to take me to the library so we could rent Kiki’s Delivery Service on DVD. But that love has been FULLY rejuvenated this year when I went to the Ghibli Film Festival in New York City (ironically in the last week in February). If you haven’t seen them, go watch From Up On Poppy Hill, Whisper of the Heart, and The Wind Rises. Spoilers, you’re probably gonna cry.

If you’ve made it this far, THANK YOU FOR READING! 

And thank you to all the amazing people that made my 2020 not so horrible. Good riddance 2020, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

[sadaveniren]

I feel like it’s time for me to share my theory about 1D’s formation (and why it had been planned well before this X-factor video was shot - though this video did very well at making it seem organic)

A lot of this theory comes from reading stuff from @verily-i-say who, if you weren’t around when she was, worked with reality television and talked about how casting for reality shows works (ie everyone is assigned a role before they are even cast and you just try to find someone who can fit the roles that you need)

Liam giving that talk a couple months back about how 1D was something he believed Simon made for him because of their talk only solidified this theory for me. So lets get into it.

Let’s start with what was going on in pop culture in the start of 2010, and what 1D was originally supposed to be. Because remember, 1D was never supposed to be as big as they ended up being! By 2010 boy bands still weren’t as big as they had been in the late 90s and early 00s. There were the Jonas Brothers who were starting to wind down their activities just by the nature of how long they had been. The producers of X-factor would have known this without any sort of inside knowledge it’s just how pop bands are. They have shelf lives. K-pop was trying hard to pierce the western market but so far nothing had stuck and there was a feeling at the time that kpop would never make it big in the west because of how their bands were crafted/promoted.

What that means is there was room for a boy band. I think Simon and the people in the X-factor knew it was a good time to make a boyband. There was a market for it, and something that needed filled. So they start crafting their story. No group had ever won the X-factor because pre-made groups kinda sucked/weren’t fully crafted the same way they used to be. Clearly this meant they would have more success making a group than anything else.

We know the producers knew of Liam and Louis. I think they started with Liam - and again this is all before we even got to the filmed auditions. I think they had the idea to make the band with these 5 boys from the original auditions and it was ALWAYS going to be them.

Niall filled the Irish niche. They had just opened auditions to Ireland. This was an easy way to gain success in Ireland.

Zayn filled the “ethnic” niche. How else is the group supposed to be “diverse” if they don’t have a POC?

Liam filled the group leader. The band was originally crafted around Liam and I will die by this.

Harry filled the “baby” role. He was the youngest. You think it was coincidence his age was brought up during his filmed audition? No it was meant to cast him as the “baby”. It’s not as intense a role as the “maknae” in kpop groups but it’s a role to fill. It also leads into him being marketed as “adorably slow”. He’s baby.

And Louis? Well Louis filled the “gay” role. Vee has talked about how obvious it is to anyone with eyes that 18 year old Louis was gay. I’ll get into why they needed a gay member in a moment.

So that was their initial set up: Irish, POC, Leader, Baby, Gay. Those are the roles the X-factor deemed they needed for a boyband in early 2010 and then they went about looking for people who fit those roles.

Now, like with any casting, it doesn’t always work out perfectly. You see it constantly in tv shows and reality shows. Audience reaction to people and also just general “character development” changes where people fall. Liam’s role of “leader” and “face” of the band swiftly fell apart because Harry is SO FUCKING CHARISMATIC. If you rewatch any X-factor stuff you can see it happen almost in real time. I could go on a whole tangent about how this affected Liam and Harry’s relationship but that’s not exactly the point of this post and it’s already way too long lol.

But what happened to Louis being “gay” and why did they need a “gay” member to begin with? It goes back to the idea 1D was never meant to be as successful as they are. In 2010 being gay and coming out/or being outted was like… pop culture candy. It was trendy. It got you promo. I’m not saying it’s right but that’s how it was. So I think they always wanted a gay member so that way they guaranteed a 3 album commitment from the boys. Album 1 rides off the back of X-factor. If Album 2 wasn’t as successful you pull out the gay card and BOOM instant interest in album 3. Enough to get Simon’s money worth from the band before they’re allowed to fade into obscurity.

Obviously that didn’t happen. Why? Well for starters the band was INSANELY popular. And secondly 🤷🏼‍♀️ Larry? They got put in a position with Larry where they couldn’t out Louis even if they needed to without outting Harry and ruining his “role” in the band.

And there’s my theory ✌🏻

[katrinawritesthings]

Jonghyun / Taemin and also Jinki is there for a few hours; love is so nice (part 1); nc-17

Baby stay with me  Baby stay with me Baby stay with me Baby stay with me

Love is so nice is about staying in bed with someone and laughing about nothing and being gay and doing the sex all day : )  also part one because it's so long Tumblr won't let me post it all in one lol here's part 2

@rollercoasterwrite one more :-)

Behind him, Taemin tosses his phone back up onto the headboard with a clatter, then hugs him again with a sigh. "I don't want to get up and do stuff," he pouts. Jonghyun has to chuckle. What a coincidence.

"Neither do I," he says. He stares lazily outside the window. It's nice out there, at least. Bright and colorful. Someone is going to have a nice day out there today, but it's not them. Taemin nuzzles him. One of his feet is rubbing up and down the back of Jonghyun's calf, absentmindedly, just to stim. He takes a deep breath, hesitates, lets it out. Then he takes another one and says, "let's not, then."

 "Yeah?" Jonghyun asks, smiling. He likes the sound of that. "Just stay in bed all day long?" he asks.

"Fuck you all day long," Taemin murmurs, rolling his hips forward, sliding his hand up to lightly touch Jonghyun's neck.

I would consider this a nice vanilla fun time smut but also, at the same time, lmfao, In order of frequency: free use, cockwarming, toys, somnophilia / discussions of other fantasy kinks (eggs, knotting, fannypacking, size difference, demon and monster and alien fucking), gaping, rimming, threesome, bunny boys, / bukkake, thigh fucking, public (internet), Jonghyun speedruns himself into hypnosis for like 5 minutes at one point, bondage, breathplay, double penetration, :3c

Jonghyun wakes up warm, comfortable, and cozy, head underneath the blankets, puppy plushie under his chin, and Taemin pressed up against his back, curled around him. Taemin's right arm is heavy over his waist, his breath flutters his pink hair, and their legs are tangled together, Taemin's all prickly with growing stubble since he's had to start shaving them for his theater performances this week.

today, though. Today he's all Jonghyun's from his soft snores to his warm little toes to his boner pressed up against Jonghyun's butt. Especially that last part. Jonghyun was having a, delicately put, non-pg dream and now that he’s awake, he’s sure that this was the reason.

He tries to remember it now: he was in a log cabin, in the woods, maybe. Yeah, and it was full of nice, handsome lumberjack werewolves, and he was trying to do their taxes for them? Because they were gay and they couldn't do math. But he was also too gay to do math, so then they decided to do horny stuff instead, and then.... Jonghyun sighs, pressing his face into the pillows. The dream slips through his fingers like water until he can't even remember the things that he already remembered about it. Whatever. Who needs dreams when he has Taemin real and solid behind him anyway.

He wiggles back against Taemin, rubbing his butt on his dick just a little bit to see if he's awake, or at least waking up. As luck would have it, Taemin makes that sudden, long inhale of someone just brought back into consciousness. Then he makes a very interesting noise. It starts as a groan, husky and low, his hips shifting forward, but it turns into a little, confused, mm? before it turns into a scowl of a noise, and then finally into what Jonghyun thinks was supposed to be a grumpy noise if only Taemin had managed to keep the smile out of his tone.

Taemin tightens his arm around Jonghyun's waist, bringing their torsos closer together but moving his own hips back. He smiles against the back of Jonghyun's ear, kissing it, dropping down to kiss his shoulder, and he says, "stop that, you." His voice is rough, grainy with sleep, and so deep and warm that Jonghyun feels it in his chest, in his heart.

"Never," Jonghyun grins, but he does stop. Taemin yawns against his shoulder, hot and moist, and then Jonghyun adds, "what time is it?"

"Who knows," Taemin says. "Hurts to open my eyes." Jonghyun feels him shrug. He shrugs back. That is a good point. He hasn't even tried to open his eyes yet. He knows that he won't be able to keep them open; not when his voice barely made it out of his throat when he tried to talk. He can at least tell that there is sunlight coming in through the curtains and through their blanket, so it has to be after sunrise.

"Hey," Taemin says. He pats Jonghyun's tummy, nudges his shoulder with his forehead. "Do you wanna...?" He lets the question trail off as he shifts back close, rubbing his boner against Jonghyun booty. Jonghyun snorts. He doesn't think it's even been a minute since Taemin told him to quit it.

Still, "yeah," he says. Yeah definitely. He might not be able to remember his dream but he still has his own half chub from it and he's never opposed to sleepy morning sex. It's one of his favorite kinds. He grinds back against Taemin, getting his dick between his cheeks, and shivers when it rubs against his hole. "Yeah please," he says.

Taemin, shivering himself, whispers "hell yeah." He sucks his own fingers into his mouth, then slips them down and interrupts Jonghyun's giggling by pushing two into his hole. Jonghyun isn't one to brag, but his bootyhole is very easy to get into, and they slide in nice and smooth, a third one joining them soon. He smiles into his plushie, humming, pleased all over inside and out as his cock quickly jumps all the way up to full hardness. Nothing beats getting fingered in the morning. Nothing except–

Taemin pulls his fingers out, spits into his hand, and then a second later, Jonghyun is groaning from his chest as Taemin pushes his cock into him nice and slow.

"There you go, thank you, fuck," Jonghyun whispers. He repeats it, thank you , over and over as Taemin fucks slowly into him, settling all the way in and starting up a lazy rhythm.

It's so good, so fucking good to be stretched out so early in the morning, filled so full and fucked so wonderfully. Taemin's thrusts match the beat of his heart, the pounding of his pulse through his body, the throbbing in his own cock. Taemin gets his right leg underneath Jonghyun's, opening him up and keeping him open. He's speaking behind Jonghyun's cheek, whispered little half compliments in his sleepy voice that Jonghyun half hears in his sleepy ears. Taemin's left arm finds its way under his head, hooks around his neck, and puts just the tiniest bit of pressure on his throat until Jonghyun is gasping.

It's all so much, it's all too much, this early in the morning. Jonghyun just woke up and everything is happening all at once, everything is happening so good, and before he knows it, he's about to cum already.

He's been squeezing his puppy plushie tight this whole time, but now he takes one hand off to jerk himself off, fast, much faster than Taemin's sleepy pace. Less than a minute later, like he can also sense that Jonghyun is close, Taemin lets go of his waist and tries to grab his dick as well. He winds up just closing his small hand around Jonghyun’s, and then Jonghyun hears him chuckling behind his ear. Taemin reaches down to play with his balls instead, gentle, massaging them, and instantly Jonghyun is gone.

He cums hard, shaking, biting his pillow, making a mess of the sheets in front of him. The orgasm spreads throughout his body from his cock to the tip of every nerve, deliciously warm and slow in the way that only a morning orgasm is, and Taemin makes it last in the way that only he and a few others know how. Fingers still playing with his balls, cock still fucking slow into him, arm still around his throat, voice still husky and low by his ear, Taemin keeps going until Jonghyun is smiling, giggling, absolutely giddy about how fucking good it is.

Taemin nutted too, at some point, Jonghyun realizes, because his booty is all warm and slick, dripping down his cheeks and his thighs, Taemin's dick noticeably softer and smaller inside of him. Nice.

They calm down together. Each of them twitching, trying to breathe slow, smiling. Jonghyun can feel Taemin's behind his ear. Jonghyun wipes his hand on a dry patch of sheets after patting around for a moment looking for one, then finds Taemin's hand and holds on to it. He's a little stuffy now; he pulls the blanket off of their heads, finally blinking his eyes open against the morning light. Squinting at the clock on the other side of the room, it's a little bit after 8:00. Not bad.

Taemin is grumbling at the light, burying his face in Jonghyun's hair. He wraps their arms together around Jonghyun's stomach, holding him close, wiggling and struggling to arrange his legs around Jonghyun's until he has him all wrapped up like a crab. He starts pressing countless little mwah s against Jonghyun's cheek and neck, pouting through them almost, like he's grumpy that he can't kiss Jonghyun even faster. Then, all at once, he settles down, satisfied.

"Goo moning," Taemin says then, singsong, cute on purpose, in his little delicate voice that always makes Jonghyun want to put him in his pocket. Smiling from his heart, Jonghyun turns his head to press one delicate kiss to the tip of Taemin's nose. He doesn't say good morning back, but he hums it with the same little tune that Taemin had.

He reaches out for the bedside table to grab his phone, yawning into the pillows. Taemin does the same, slapping his hand around on the headboard until he gets it. They stay silent, except for the occasional smooch, as they check their own stuff. Jonghyun scrolls through the news, replies to texts, watches some videos. Every so often Taemin will show him a meme that makes him laugh. Every so often Jonghyun will clench his bootyhole just to make Taemin jump.

Jonghyun finishes with his phone first, flopping it onto the pillow, bored. Stuff is happening out there, but here? In bed? He thinks it would be neat if nothing ever happened. If they could just vibe, just hang out together, the two of them, forever.

Behind him, Taemin tosses his phone back up onto the headboard with a clatter, then hugs him again with a sigh. "I don't want to get up and do stuff," he pouts. Jonghyun has to chuckle. What a coincidence.

"Neither do I," he says. He stares lazily outside the window. It's nice out there, at least. Bright and colorful. Someone is going to have a nice day out there today, but it's not them. Taemin nuzzles him. One of his feet is rubbing up and down the back of Jonghyun's calf, absentmindedly, just to stim. He takes a deep breath, hesitates, lets it out. Then he takes another one and says, "let's not, then."

"Yeah?" Jonghyun asks, smiling. He likes the sound of that. "Just stay in bed all day long?" he asks.

"Fuck you all day long," Taemin murmurs, rolling his hips forward, sliding his hand up to lightly touch Jonghyun's neck. And it's not like Jonghyun wasn't expecting that, but it still catches him off guard, still has heat flashing all the way through him. He actually has to take a moment, try to get his breath passed his throat and down into his lungs, as his brain immediately runs through all of the possibilities of them just staying in bed and fucking all day.

He's all tingly and getting hard again just thinking about it. He nods quickly, fervently even. Ignoring Taemin muffling smug laughter into his hair, he breathes, "yes, please, I would like that." He rolls his hips back against Taemin, trying to get him hard again. He knows it won't be difficult. Taemin's cock is as eager as his own.

This time, Taemin doesn't try to hide his laughter. He lets it out, free, gorgeous, and punctuates it with a soft kiss to Jonghyun's ear. Rocking his hips together with Jonghyun, he fits his hand more comfortably around his neck. Not squeezing, just holding, just being there.

"Yeah, you want that?" he asks. "Want me to use your perfect little asshole for the whole day? Gonna be my little cocksleeve?" There it is; he's getting hard from his own dirty talk. Good thing, too, because that same dirty talk is already driving Jonghyun up the wall. "Gonna fill you up with cum, pretty," Taemin breathes. “Gonna flood your throat, going to get you all covered in it, so fucking gorgeous. Fuck."

The last curse comes out as a hiss, sharp and heavy. Taemin pushes against Jonghyun, rolling him over onto his stomach. He stays on him the entire time so when they settle Taemin is on his thighs, kneading his thumbs into his booty cheeks. Jonghyun is already panting, already begging. Yes he wants that, yes he wants to be used, yes he wants to be a cocksleeve, and yes he wants to be filled and flooded and covered in cum, yes yes yes, he wants Taemin to fuck him already .

So wonderfully, beautifully, Taemin does. He pulls his cock out and then fucks it back in, nice and hard, using his own cum as lube, and immediately Jonghyun is shuddering. Taemin does it again, and then again, and then–he stops.

"Aw, man," he says, and is he fucking whining ? Hello?

"What the fuck–?"

"Have you been holding that this entire time?" Taemin asks. Jonghyun feels tugging something out of the crook of his elbow: his puppy plushie.

"Hey–nooo," Jonghyun whines, but Taemin takes her away from him and puts her on the headboard facing the wall. "I told you, she doesn't care. She likes when I hold her." Jonghyun struggles to his forearms, trying to push himself onto his hands so he can reach for her. Taemin pushes him down with a hand between his shoulder blades, holding him there. He leans over Jonghyun, resting his weight on his own forearm above his head.

"Not," he says, and kisses Jonghyun's cheek. "While," he kisses him again, "we're fucking." Taemin kisses him a third time before he straightens back up. And he's grumpy, and Jonghyun is grumpy, but Taemin starts fucking him again, and then neither of them are grumpy anymore.

Funny how it works out like that.

Taemin fucks him hard and desperate, like he didn't just interrupt himself with something that didn't matter. And Jonghyun loves it, loves every hard, sticky slap of their skin hitting back together. He gets himself on his forearms again, but this time just to arch his back better, get Taemin at a better angle, biting his lip and cursing when Taemin hits his prostate just right to put stars behind his eyes. That's the good stuff, that's what he wants. That's what it's fucking about.

He cums quickly, not as hard as the first time but still as good, with his cock grinding between his stomach and the sheets. This time, he's present enough in his brain to hear Taemin cursing above him, feel his hands squeezing his ass harder, his hips working faster. This time he can pay attention to the hot rush of cum inside of him. He can pay attention to how quickly it starts leaking out of him, and he can pay attention when Taemin fucks all the way in and stays there, his balls twitching against his thighs.

After, he deflates into the pillows, Taemin deflating on top of him. Jonghyun makes his arms a pillow under his head, smiling when Taemin arranges his arms the same way and holds his hands, smiling wider when Taemin once again kisses his cheek.

This is nice. Jonghyun wishes his entire life was like this. One big, long, warm afterglow shared with his love. He yawns, wiggling his hips to get comfortable. He could fall asleep again like this, he thinks. It's early enough. He's not entirely woken up all the way yet. He could drift right back, just like this, with Taemin warm and heavy on top of him, his heartbeat matching Jonghyun's against his back.

He could, and he almost does; his hearing fuzzes in and out slowly, the edges of his perception melting away until he notices and brings himself back to focus. Breathing deep, rubbing his cheek onto his pillow, he bumps Taemin with his head to get his attention. He has a very important question. Taemin grunts back, sounding just as sleepy as him.

"Taemie," he says. "If we’re going to be staying in bed all day, can we do sleepy rules?"

Taemin's cock jumps; literally, Jonghyun feels it twitch hard in his ass as soon as the question leaves his mouth. Laughter bursts out of him, so loud that he doesn't even hear Taemin's reply. All he picks up from Taemin is that he's pressing his face into Jonghyun's neck, his little hands gripping and letting go over and over very quickly. Embarrassed. He knows that Jonghyun knows that his dick just did that and he's embarrassed, and that makes it so much funnier.

Jonghyun laughs so long that his stomach starts to hurt, and only then does he start trying to calm himself down with deep breaths. By that time, Taemin is very grumbly, biting and nibbling on his neck with his gremliniest little noises. Jonghyun doesn't mind about that at all. Taemin is just so cute.

"Yes, lets do sleepy rules, please," Taemin says once Jonghyun has quieted down enough for him to get a word in. "Please," he says again. Jonghyun falls back into another bout of giggles, but calms himself quickly once more. Sleepy rules. Okay.

"I don't know why either of us ever even bother asking anymore," he grins. "The answer is always yes." Both of them are always absolutely nut supreme about sleepy stuff. Taemin takes his turn to laugh now, his breath wet against Jonghyun's neck. He settles down again, getting comfortable.

"I think we just like hearing each other say it out loud," he says. Jonghyun nods. That is a good point. There's just something very very special about hearing Taemin say in his own voice that he wants Jonghyun to use him while he's passed the fuck out. Something special about Taemin giving over his body to him and Jonghyun giving Taemin his body back in return.

So special, in fact, that Jonghyun can already tell it's going to get him hard again if he starts thinking about it. He can't, he really can't, not again so soon.

Well. He can . But he shouldn't . Neither of them should. The last time they tried to do this, they wound up fucking themselves out before midday, and then the entire rest of the day was just them being sad and disappointed. They have to pace themselves.

Reaching over for his phone, he gives it to Taemin and says, "let’s watch something. You pick."

"Oki," Taemin chirps. He pulls up a streamer that he likes playing a video game that Jonghyun likes. Holding the phone up against the headboard with his weird little fingers, Taemin buries his nose in Jonghyun's hair and kisses the back of his head while he watches. After a minute, Jonghyun grabs one of his wrists and brings Taemin's fingers to his mouth so he can kiss too.

It's moments like these, Jonghyun thinks, that he likes the most. When it's just the two of them hanging out and being quietly in love. Moments like this that feel cozy inside of his heart. That make him feel relaxed, and safe, and peaceful.

He's looking forward to feeling like this all day long.

He doesn't wind up falling asleep again, but he does doze. Off and on, between laughing at the video or saying something to Taemin, he has blinks that last for minutes at a time. Time slips by like that, over an hour, slowly, comfortably, until it's even brighter outside and the birds have finished with their morning songs. Jonghyun enjoys it immensely, and could have never moved again and been satisfied, if it weren't all suddenly interrupted by Taemin's tummy growling.

It's a loud, pitiful noise, and barely five seconds after it finishes, like it's agreeing, Jonghyun's tummy growls also.

Jonghyun smiles, amused, but he also whines into the pillow. "I don't want to get up and make food," he pouts. Taemin makes a pouting noise back. Jonghyun assumes it's in agreement.

"Lets just order breakfast from somewhere," Taemin says.

"Oh, fuck yeah," Jonghyun says, excited. He completely forgot that they can do that. "I'll order it, wait." He fumbles for his phone, slapping Taemin's hands away, closing the video, and looking for the delivery app. Taemin, with nothing to do with his hands now, holds onto Jonghyun's wrists. His thumbs play with the tendons and veins underneath his palms.

They figure out breakfast, scrolling through their options, picking somewhere nice, figuring out what they want to buy, and confirming that it should be here in around half an hour. But when they're done with that, they run into a new problem.

"Which one of us has to get up and go greet the delivery person?" Jonghyun asks. He tosses his phone back on the bedside table and turns around halfway, propping himself up on his forearm. Taemin pushed himself up on his hands to give him room and now he smiles down at Jonghyun. It's the first real look that Jonghyun has gotten of Taemin this morning and he is so cute from his squishy cheeks to his acne scars to his messy black hair that Jonghyun has to hook his arm around his neck and kiss his cheek. Taemin smiles, puffing out his cheek, then shakes his hair out of his eyes and says, "no stopping, first one to nut."

"Yeah?" Jonghyun asks, raising his eyebrows. That certainly is a competition. One that Taemin clearly believes he'll have no problem winning, because he said it as half a joke, confidence and a little smugness in his smile. Jonghyun smiles back. His little prince of hubris. "All right,” he says, innocently simple.

"Oh," Taemin says frowning. "Oh, I was joking, um. No, we’ll do something that's more fair for you."

"What do you mean?" Jonghyun pouts, knowing exactly what Taemin means. "I can last! I have stamina." He tries to sound as cute and defiant as he would if he didn't already know that he's going to win. It takes a moment, and his puppy eyes, but Taemin buys it, shrugging and shaking his head fondly.

"Okay, if you insist," he says. "Turn around." He straightens up onto his knees, his soft cock slipping wetly out of Jonghyun's asshole for just a few seconds. As soon as Jonghyun gets settled on his back, pulling his legs up and then spreading them open on either side of Taemin's hips, he puts his cock right back in, right where it belongs. Jonghyun allows himself that one single little moment, that delicious little shiver of pleasure from being filled up again, before he starts to focus.

He sinks backwards into his mind, into the one specific little area of subspace that he needs for this. He hasn't been here for a while, but it's easy to to get into the mood, into the character, into his imagination. Taemin is saying something; Jonghyun can hear it muffled inside of his head. He smiles and nods to whatever it is.

Taemin starts rolling his hips into him, slowly, their bodies pressed together the entire time. He runs his hands down Jonghyun's body gently, feeling him up, settling on his hips. Taemin can see his smile fuzzy above him. Adorable.

Adorable, but not his master. Wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous. But not Jonghyun's master.

Master is away today. Master left for somewhere, and master is letting Taemin borrow Jonghyun until they get home. Taemin can do whatever he wants to Jonghyun, and Jonghyun will make him happy, will make himself useful, he will be pretty and perfect, but Jonghyun will not cum. Jonghyun is only allowed to cum for his master. Jonghyun is only physically able to cum for his master. Jonghyun's master is the only one in the world that can make him cum. Master is the only one in the world that can even make Jonghyun hard.

By the fourth time Jonghyun has repeated that to himself, he is locked in. Fortunate, because Taemin is all the way hard and really pounding him by then, Jonghyun realizes when he blinks himself back into the real world. One of his hands is on Jonghyun's neck just like usual and the other hand is actually down between his legs, two fingers inside of him, playing with his prostate on top of his cock. And it feels good; it feels fucking wonderful, but it's easy to put to the back of his mind. It's not 10% of the way his master makes him feel.

He’s actually kind of surprised that it's working this effectively, even after so many years. He'll have to make sure to tell Kibum thank you for training him so good with Minho one of these days. It was a lot of fun with them before they got bored of this specific role play.

This is a lot of fun right now; watching Taemin work himself up into a sweat, panting hard, biting his own lips. He really is fucking gorgeous. And the way he's looking down at Jonghyun, hearts in his deep brown eyes, Jonghyun is almost certain that he's thinking the same thing. That's almost enough to snap him out of his own sloppy speedrunned hypnosis, honestly, so instead he goes on his own offensive.

"Ooh, fuck me harder, babe," he smiles, all overexaggerated innocence and sweetness and perfectly controlled breathing. The look on Taemin's face–the confusion, the glance down, the widening of his eyes when he finally notices that Jonghyun isn't even hard–is enough to have Jonghyun beaming, absolutely giddy. His Taemin is so funny. “Ooh, you're so good," Jonghyun says. Taemin stutters, his thrusts faltering, half baked little questions falling from his mouth. Jonghyun tuts and shakes his head. Picking up his legs and crossing his ankles behind Taemin's back, he locks him in, pushing him to keep up his rhythm.

"I thought you said no stopping," he says, pouting through his smile. Fitting one arm comfortably behind his head, he reaches up with the other and plays with Taemin's nipples, always so sensitive. He manages a few seconds, one nice hard pinch, before Taemin is grabbing his wrist and pinning it above his head. He grabs Jonghyun’s other wrist as well, obviously not wanting to take the chance.

"What," he pants, and apparently can't find the words to finish that sentence. "How come. Hello?"

Jonghyun has to say, he's very pleased by this. Maybe he should start messing with Taemin more often, just to see what happens. Keep him off his guard. Remind him every once in a while that Jonghyun only nuts so hard and so fast for him all the time because he wants to.

Then again, that doesn't sound nearly as fun as orgasming himself out of his own brain every time they have sex. He'll just let it be a special one-time thing, then.

"What do you mean?" he asks innocently. "Come on. Don't you want to cum in me?" He thinks for a moment, licks his lips, smirks, decides to play really dirty. "Don't you want to put your eggs in me?" he asks. "Make me your breeding–"

 He doesn't even get to finish before Taemin is choking on his own spit. His hips snap forward hard, almost involuntarily, and he whines. Jonghyun has never been prouder. "Mmm, and I could tell you how good they feel inside of me, how nice and big they're growing, and then you could watch me lay them, and help me clean them off–”

Once again, he's interrupted, this time by Taemin cumming.

And cumming hard ; his eyes squeezed tight, breathing out curses over and over, his hands holding Jonghyun's wrists so hard that he's sure he'll have bruises later.

Jonghyun doesn't think he's ever felt victorious during sex before. It's a very good feeling, though, and it has him laughing as Taemin goes limp on top of and inside of him. Fuck yeah baby. He wiggles his hands free of Taemin's and pumps them in the air, celebrating. He finishes that before Taemin finishes recuperating, so he lowers his hands to Taemin's hair, petting him gently. Eventually, Taemin blinks his eyes open, rubbing his palms into them. Blinking groggily, he glares down at Jonghyun.

"Okay, first of all, cheating," he snaps. "Second of all." He grabs Jonghyun's soft little dick with two fingers and wiggles it aggressively so it flops all around on his abdomen. "Literally what the fuck?" he asks. Jonghyun shrugs innocently, doing his prettiest eyesmile on purpose.

"I keep telling you," he says, "if you let Key train you, you can learn all sorts of things."

"God," Taemin hisses, putting his face into his hands. "I can't let him dom me," he whines. "I can't even let him top me. If he knows how baby I get I'll never have any leverage over him ever again."

"Yeah, well." Jonghyun shrugs. He's never understood their relationship and he's never pretended like he wants to try, either. "Sounds like a you problem," he grins. Reaching for his phone, he checks the time. 10:25. "15 Minutes," he says. "Better go get ready to say hi to the delivery babe."

Taemin grumbles what sounds like an essay of complaining into his hands, then pushes them through his hair and laces them around the back of his neck, glaring once again down at Jonghyun. After a moment, he sticks out his tongue. He did it to hide his smile. Jonghyun can tell. He can see it around his tongue. He winks back.

Taemin sighs and starts to get up, pulling his cock from Jonghyun's hole. Jonghyun thinks that it's almost homophobic that he’s had to feel it coming out of him twice already today, but, getting a good look at it, all sloppy and wet and dripping with cum, he also thinks that it looks absolutely fucking delicious.

 "Hey wait," he says. He makes grabby hands, sitting up and reaching for Taemin's hips. "Let me clean you up," he smiles.

"Oh, well, if you insist," Taemin smiles. He walks himself up on his knees until he's right in front of Jonghyun, fingers in his hair. Jonghyun licks his lips, excited. He does insist. Taemin's cock looks even better up close, so close he can smell it, so close he needs to right now–

Jonghyun takes the head of his cock into his mouth, sucking happily. He sucks Taemin up real good, licking up every drop of cum around the head. Then he lets it drop from his mouth and licks and mouths up the shaft, cleaning him all over. He kisses the base of Taemin's cock, he tilts his head to get the underside. He takes his time, savouring it, the taste, the texture, the nice warm temperature of it against his tongue. He also takes the time to get himself out of his subspace. He likes it in there, but also, he doesn't want to stay in there any longer. When he's with Taemin, he likes feeling normal, regular, himself. He likes Taemin. He loves Taemin. He wants to cum for, and with, and because of, Taemin.

While he's working, he hears Taemin rustling around in their headboard cupboards. It's a familiar rustling: he's in their box of sex toys, and after a moment, he passes Jonghyun a plug. Jonghyun's favorite plug. Glass, nice and fat, with a pretty cherry blossom jewel at the base. Jonghyun takes it with a smile and teases himself with it while he continues cleaning Taemin's cock. He bends down lower to suck on his balls, nice and gentle, reverently almost, thanking them for giving him three nice big loads already this morning.

That makes Taemin hiss though, twitch and whimper and pat his little hands all over his head very quickly. Jonghyun smiles up at him, cock resting on his cheek. Oversensitive little baby. Fine. He moves to kiss Taemin's thighs instead, licking up all of the cum that had gotten smeared and smudged on them as well.

Once he's finally done with that, he presses one last kiss to the very tip of Taemin's soft cock before he leans away. Patting Taemin on the butt, he says, "shoo, you."

Taemin shoos with another sigh, leaning backward until he fwumps onto the mattress and then rolling ungracefully onto the floor. Clambering to his feet, he grabs a pair of boxers and one of his striped sweaters from the dresser, pulls them on, and then starts to leave. In the doorway, he stops, glancing back. He looks at Jonghyun, smiles, looks down, bites his lip.

"You're," he says. "I mean. I like you." He scuttles down the hallway without giving Jonghyun time to reply, covering his face with his hands. Jonghyun tries to laugh so quietly that he doesn't hear it. He's so cute. Jonghyun likes him too.

Alone now, Jonghyun stretches one arm over his head, squeaking. He’s still teasing himself with the plug, and he pushes it all the way inside of himself, squeaking again and then humming happily once it settles. Hell yeah. He tries to stretch all the way out under the blankets, but he stops, startled, when his knee touches something cold and wet.

"What the fuck? Oh, right." rolling his eyes, Jonghyun remembers. Both of them nutted under here two times. Three times? He doesn't know if he counts the third time actually under the blanket. It was half off of them when Taemin got to his knees. Two and a half times, maybe.

Enough times to be gross, is the point. Enough times that now no matter how he tries to move under there, he's hyper aware of it all over. Sighing, Jonghyun sacrifices his warmth and comfort to throw the blanket off of him. Extracting himself carefully from the bed, he pulls the blanket and the first sheet off. Then, looking at them, he grumbles in the back of his throat. He doesn't want to do fucking laundry.

He makes an executive decision and just folds both of them in half and then in half again together, placing them nicely back on the center of the bed. That way they won't have to do any of the other sheets later. And they're black, anyway; it's not like they'll stain. Then, since he's up, he moves to the bedside table and crouches in front of it. Pulling open the cabinet, he looks for his collection of candles. He pushes aside all of his baby tealights and medium tumblers to get to his big boys and he pulls out two: his favorite, soft blankie, and Taemin's favorite, summer scoop.

He lights both and puts them up on the headboard, smiling at them. Side by side, white and pink, him and Taemin. Then he frowns, thinking. Hmm. Maybe not. He picks them up and puts them on the bedside table instead, and then he shakes his head and carries them over to the dresser on the other side of the room. Placing them on top, in the center, he smiles again. There. Nice and stable. Safe.

Turning to flop back onto the bed, he stops again when he glances over the headboard. Once again, he rolls his eyes. Before he sits on the bed, he grabs his puppy plushie from the corner. Sitting with her, holding her in his arms, he pouts. Taemin didn't even pet her fur all back the same way.

"I'm sorry he’s such a prude," he tells her, petting her gently to be all neat and proper again. "I know you don't care. I don't know why he cares; he doesn't even think you're, like, real with a soul and everything like I do. I don't know what his issue is." This has been an argument between the two of them since they first started dating, and Taemin has yet to see sense. Kissing his little puppy on the nose, on the cheeks, on the forehead, on each of her ears, he smiles. "He's so funny. He's so cute. Man I like him." man he really really really really really likes Taemin.

He can hear Taemin opening the front door, but a glance at his phone tells him that the driver is still around 5 minutes away. He must be out there doing plant gay stuff like photosynthesizing or smelling flowers or whatever. Good for him. Jonghyun grabs their old mp3 player connected to their speakers and starts their compromise playlist full of songs that both of them can chill and groove to. Then he picks up his laptop from the bedside table, opening it up to keep him company while he waits. His plushie puppy sits in the crook of his arm and watches.

He replies to some more messages, he looks through a little more news, and he's loading up a new episode of an anime they like for them to watch together when Taemin comes back into the bedroom. He's carrying an armload of stuff and he kicks the door open because of it, walking in speaking.

"I also got us some snacks in case–oh, christ." He dumps all of his stuff unceremoniously onto the bed with a scowl. "Give me that," he snaps. Again he snatches Jonghyun's puppy plushie from him, but this time while Jonghyun is whining and trying to grab her back, he takes her to the window and sits her in front of it. "There," he says, gesturing. "Now it can look outside.”

"What if she gets lonely?"Jonghyun asks, distressed. She likes having company. He doesn't want her to be all alone over there.

"God," Taemin says, rolling his eyes. "Give me nightmare kitty." He holds out his hands, demanding. Jonghyun humphs, but he does, opening up Taemin's headboard cupboard and pulling out his little stuffed cat. He tosses her over; Taemin catches her and puts her next to Jonghyun's puppy. He even puts their paws over each other. "There, see? They’re girlfriends. Are you happy?"

Jonghyun isn't, but he is willing to accept the compromise anyway. He shrugs, turning his attention to all of the stuff that Taemin dropped. In addition to their breakfast order, it's a big bag of chips, a package of cookies, and their whole entire fruit bowl, all half full of what's left since they went shopping a few days ago. There's also about six bottles of water.

"Anyway, I got us some snacks in case we got hungry after breakfast so we wouldn't have to get up again," Taemin says. He pulls his boxers and sweater off and hops onto his side of the bed. He's bright and smiley again, like he's over it, and when he pulls a tiny white flower from behind his ear and sticks it behind Jonghyun's, Jonghyun is the same. He can't stay grumpy at that. And also, he's so fucking excited for food.

When he opens up his box and is greeted with his frenchie toastie sticks and his little sausages and his mountain of nice soft hash browns, he almost gets a boner again. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah fuck yeah fuck yeah. Taemin is feeling the same, whispering the curses over and over as he opens up his hash of potatoes, eggs, peppers, onions, and sausage, with pancakes and toast on the side.

Taemin also got himself a carton of milk, no straw, and Jonghyun scrunches his nose as he watches Taemin drink straight from the cardboard. Nasty. He avoids looking at it by opening up his little container of syrup and starting the anime episode. Taemin says "oh fuck yeah" again and scoots closer to watch.

Breakfast passes leisurely like that, with just the two of them cross-legged on their bed enjoying each other's company. They talk, they make jokes about the show, they laugh so hard sometimes that they have to pause the episode and rewind a little bit to watch what they missed. Taemin steals some of Jonghyun's frenchie toastie sticks, and Jonghyun takes half of one of his pancakes. At least 12 times, they kiss each other. On the mouth, on their cheeks, on their shoulders, the one time Taemin halfway tackles Jonghyun to blow a raspberry on his tummy.

When they finish, they don't have a nut competition to see who has to get up and clean up. Jonghyun just loses at rock paper scissors 5 times in a row and gets up to do it himself with a sigh. He takes everything to the kitchen and deposits it all either into the trash or the recycling bin. On the way back, he grabs a couple more water bottles, just in case, and takes a detour into the bathroom. He heard Taemin brushing his teeth earlier while he was moving the candles around. He should probably do that too. Better late than never.

Coming back to the bedroom, he has to stop in the doorway to let his heart melt. There is Taemin, all curled up on his side, pillow under his chin, passed out. Of course he is, content and sleepy with a tummy full of food. Big baby. Half of their snacks and water bottles are up on the headboard and the other half are still spilled over the bed; he probably fell asleep in the middle of moving them. Big loser baby.

Jonghyun puts all his water bottles next to the ones on the headboard, then leans over Taemin and kisses his cheek. The only reply Taemin gives is to nuzzle closer to his pillow. Jonghyun chuckles softly. He really is asleep. He puts all of their snacks up top as well, and grabs a water for himself and cracks it open. Getting settled in bed next to Taemin, he grabs his laptop back for himself. He's feeling some kind of way, some kind of productive, some kind of in love. In love enough to write a song about it.

He opens up an empty document and swirls his fingers over his touchpad, thinking. He empties his mind of everything but Taemin and just lets the words come to him, emotions that pass through his fingers to the keyboard and appear on the screen. It's sloppy, raw, but that's fine. He'll edit it later. He just wants to get his emotions out how they are now, humming to himself as he does so to see how he'll fit the words into a tune when he's done.

Jonghyun keeps at that for a while, and then lets himself stop when he feels the inspiration start to leave him. He never likes forcing himself to write when he doesn't have the writing juice in him. By the time he saves and closes the document, Taemin has shifted closer to him in his sleep. He has his arm wrapped around Jonghyun's thigh instead of his pillow. Jonghyun has been absent-mindedly petting him this whole time, but now he looks down at him, smiling, enamored.

He's so cute. Jonghyun touches his face, gentle, drawing one finger down his nose. Taemin scrunches it, rubs it against his leg. Jonghyun stifles a laugh into his fingers, then pinches his soft squishy cheek. Adorable. A moment later, his eyebrows rise into his hair when he gently squishes Taemin's bottom lip and Taemin sucks on his finger.

It's the tiniest, smallest little suction, but it's there, Taemin's lips closing around his finger. Jonghyun smiles, feeling Taemin's tongue also coming out to play with the pad of his finger. He wonders what else Taemin will do in his sleep today.

Get hard, apparently; as Jonghyun pushes his finger a little bit further into his mouth, he makes a soft little noise around it, his hips shifting forward and back. Jonghyun watches his cock twitch, feels Taemin's fingers digging into his leg. Jonghyun bites his lip. Not to go exposing himself or anything, but his thighs are one of his most sensitive areas. Just this, just the feeling of Taemin's nails digging into him, has him shivering, his own cock twitching.

Gently, so he doesn't interrupt Taemin's nap, he rolls Taemin over to his back. Taemin goes like a feather, smacking his lips and adjusting his head to get comfortable. His half chub flops against his thigh. Jonghyun puts his laptop on the bedside table and scoots down the bed so he can reach Taemin's cock. Smiling at it, he touches it just as gently as he touched his lips. He trails his finger down the shaft, but it's not until he starts playing with the head that Taemin makes more noise.

Jonghyun amuses himself like that, circling his thumb and pointer finger around the head of Taemin's cock, squeezing it, pulling sometimes, sometimes smoothing his thumb over the tip and pressing it against the hole, and listening to Taemin's sleepy, quiet noises. Not really whimpers, but something close, little hums as his hips minutely rock up into Jonghyun's hand.

It's very entertaining, but Jonghyun made a mistake when he was positioning himself over here. The way he's sitting, knees drawn up to his chest, is making the plug in him put pressure just under his prostate in a very distracting way. A very good way, but very distracting. Soon he's just as hard as Taemin and, he might say, just as desperate.

The moment a thick, pearly white bead of precum oozes out of the tip of Taemin's cock, Jonghyun calls it. He's done playing. He swings his leg over Taemin's hips, settling on his knees above him. With his right hand, he eases the plug out of his bootyhole, loving every millisecond of pressure and pleasure as it pulls on his rim, and then loving even more every nanosecond of the same that he gets as he sits himself down on Taemin's cock.

He pushes himself down until he bottoms out. Once he's comfortable sitting on Taemin's hips, he pops the plug into his mouth so he can suck it clean. It's just big enough to be uncomfortable; just big enough to make his mouth and his cock drool. For a time, he just enjoys the feeling of Taemin's cock in him again, the stretch, the pressure. He grinds slowly, back and forth, in little circles. If he angles himself just right, Taemin's cock presses on his prostate real good. He saves that angle for when he wants to give himself something a little special.

Watching Taemin, he wonders what he's dreaming about. Something good, hopefully. Jonghyun, hopefully. Although, maybe not, because after a few minutes of Jonghyun enjoying himself, Taemin slowly lifts his arms above his head. And not only that; he crosses them at the wrists and clenches them softly like he's holding onto something. A shadow of a smirk flits over his lips between snores. Jonghyun finds himself matching it. He hopes whoever Taemin thinks he's getting dommed by right now is hot.

He wishes he could be there in Taemin's dream, watching. He would never bother with tying Taemin up, but he sure as hell would watch someone else do it. In hell, maybe. He knows Taemin likes being surrounded by his hot buff demons. Jonghyun would watch, and sit by his head, hold his hands, kiss his sweet mouth. Hold his legs open for whoever is between them. Shush and coo at him while he writhes and begs for more, maybe begs for mercy. Maybe slip down there after each one is finished with him, to clean his asshole or his cock up, get him all pretty and perfect again for his next use.

A chill runs down Jonghyun's spine at that very thought. He picks himself up in Taemin's lap, then fucks himself back down nice and slow, staring down at his pretty sleeping face without really seeing it. He’s seeing himself as a cleanup toy instead, subbier than sub, not even worth getting fucked. Just there to be cute and swallow cum. And when he's all done cleaning up, and Taemin is all conked out from a hard day's work of being a sex toy, Jonghyun could take him into their own a private quarters and ride him, just like this, using him one more time for his own pleasure, a treat that he finally deserves after being denied all day, and–

Jonghyun's orgasm hits him out of what feels like nowhere. It has him gasping, growling, scrunching up, curling into himself, digging his fingers into Taemin's hips. The plug finally falls from his mouth, getting lost somewhere probably, but it's better than accidentally breaking it by biting too hard. Images flash through his mind, scenes from his imagination mixed in with Taemin beautiful underneath him in between blinks.

And when his orgasm ends as suddenly as it started, he sits there and laughs at himself. Wow. Wowie wee wow. Panting, he pushes his fingers through his hair. He really lets himself get carried away with his imagination sometimes. He deserves it, but still. It's a little funny.

He blinks himself back into focus and surveys the real life scene in front of him. Taemin is still asleep, of course. It takes more than Jonghyun cumming on his dick to get him to wake up. Jonghyun is a little surprised that the absolute blast of cum on his stomach and chest didn't do it, though. Some of it is even past his collar bones, flirting with his neck. Jonghyun wiggles, proud of himself.

Then he keeps wiggling, slower, enjoying himself still. Now that he's got that nut out of him, he can go back to his nice, slow, luxurious grinding. He leans forward and sideways to reach for his phone so he can look through it while he does so. Minho is texting him; smiling, Jonghyun texts back, having a nice little conversation.

That keeps him occupied until it peters out to a natural end, and then Jonghyun tosses his phone back onto the bedside table and goes back to occupying himself with the beautiful way that Taemin's lips part every time he snores. He almost wants to kiss them. No, he does want to kiss them, and he's just about to when Taemin wakes up.

It's not a sudden or obvious thing; Jonghyun only knows because he knows Taemin so well. He recognizes the raising of his eyebrows, the tucking of his chin, the squished little grunt from his throat. Taemin blinks open his eyes slowly, focuses in on Jonghyun, and smiles, sleepy and gorgeous.

"Hello hello, my beautiful one," he croaks. He lowers his hands down to yawn into them, and then he lowers them down even more to settle on Jonghyun's hips. "Having fun?" he asks.

Jonghyun smiles at him from his heart, shimmying his shoulders a little bit. "Of course," he says. How could he not, with Taemin under him? Jonghyun bites his lip. He means to ask Taemin what he was dreaming about, but somewhere between his brain and his mouth, the thought path diverges. It goes from Taemin's dream, to dreams, to Jonghyun's dreams, to the dream he was having this morning, and mixes that back in with Taemin, so what comes out of his mouth instead is, "have you ever thought about being, like, a handsome werewolf, or a dog boy, or something? with a knot?"

"Uhhhh," Taemin says. He seriously considers the question like he was completely prepared for it and it just fit in with the natural flow of the conversation. Jonghyun smiles, tongue between his lips. Love of his life. After a moment, Taemin scrunches his nose, pouts a little bit.

"I don't know,” he says. "I don't really like, like. Nonhuman dicks, you know?"

"I–bwuh–what?" Jonghyun bursts out, baffled, laughing. No, he doesn't fucking know that. "With all of the fucking. Monster and and demon and alien fucker porn that you watch? hello?" He doesn't think he's ever actually seen Taemin watching porn with a real human being in it.

"Okay, well, okay," Taemin says, grimacing. He tried to raise his voice, but it got stuck in his throat, and he coughs, trying to clear it. "Buh." He reaches up for the headboard, making grabby hands for the water bottles he can't reach. "Wawa," he begs. Jonghyun gives him his own water bottle instead with just a few gulps left in it so he doesn't spill a fresh one all over himself lying down. Taemin takes it, drinks at all, crunches it up, throws it across the room, and misses the recycle bin by a mile.

"A lot of times, in those animations, all of the aliens have human shaped dicks anyway," he continues. "I like those ones the most. Like, look." He reaches down and gently holds Jonghyun's dick, still soft after his nut a while ago. Smiling at it, he says, "she's so cute. Round. Shaped like a friend." He taps his thumb on the tip of Jonghyun's dick, stimming with it. "I like her. I like human dicks." then he frowns. "But people always want to make the tip spiky, or make it bumpy all over, or bulbous ." The word sounds like spoiled milk in his mouth and Jonghyun laughs again, covering his mouth with his hand. Taemin looks away from his dick, up at him, sheepish. "I don't like it," he says.

"Yeah," Jonghyun sighs. "I guess that's valid." He guesses that makes sense and isn't something he can complain about. He's not going to vanilla shame his favorite little bug. Taemin reaches up and pinches his cheek softly.

"Out of all of them, if I had to pick one," he says. "I wouldn't mind having a knot. If I could knot you with it." And from his smile, the tenderness of his fingers, the warmth in his eyes, Jonghyun knows that he isn't just saying that. He really means it. Jonghyun practically swoons; that's so romantic.

"Yeah?" he asks. He wants to hear Taemin say it again. Taemin, always one to indulge him in his neediness, bounces his head up and down.

"Definitely," he says. He reaches around Jonghyun, holding his small booty in his small hands. "If I could knot you, and mark you, that's a thing for werewolves, right? Mark you as mine so everyone knows who you belong to." He lifts Jonghyun up, pushes him back down. Jonghyun gets the hint and does half of the work himself, riding Taemin slowly. He's all sensitive, even more so at the thought of being owned, but he bites his lip to keep himself quiet, nodding at Taemin to keep going. Taemin yawns into his shoulder, then digs his fingers into Jonghyun's booty and pulls him open.

"If I could lock myself into you," Taemin sighs wistfully. He closes his eyes, tilting his head back and smiling at the ceiling. "Keep you on my cock, cumming in you for hours. Carry you around with me. Show you off to everyone. What a little cumslut you are." He opens his eyes just a crack. They glitter behind his lashes; they make Jonghyun's heart flutter. His cock throbs, getting harder and harder with every word. Taemin sure does know how to make him horny inside of his heart.

"Yeah, you wanna fannypack me?" he prompts. He loves that idea, he adores that idea, he wants to hear more of–

"I wanna what?" Taemin asks. He's frowning, a little scrunch between his eyebrows, and he holds Jonghyun still in his lap. "What's that?"

"You don't–you've never heard of fannypacking?" Jonghyun asks. He goes still also, eyes wide. It seems right up Taemin's alley, but, no, he's shaking his head, hair falling into his eyes. Jonghyun gasps dramatically. "Oh my gosh," he says. "It's so good. It's–okay, well." He hesitates, looking up at the ceiling, trying to think about the easiest way to describe it. Admittedly, it's not the simplest of positions. "It's," he says. He laughs, wheezes a little bit, bashful. "It's, um. Basically." He looks back to Taemin, smiling, and then laughs and hides his face when he finds that Taemin is also trying to hold back laughter. Gosh. Embarrassing. "Basically ," he starts again, trying to be confident with it.

"It's when the bottom is, like, tied to the top? Vertically. With the dick in the hole. Like. Like, it's. You know what? Here." He gives up and reaches for his phone instead. He'll just show Taemin. He thumbs through until he gets to his horny blog, then types in his fannypacking tag (hot pocket) and hands it over. Taemin rubs his eyes with his palm before he takes the phone.

At first, he scrolls through all of the artwork with a neutral expression; then he snorts quietly. "Size queen," he mutters. Jonghyun, grumbling, feeling attacked for no good reason, reaches forward and flicks his nipple. "Hey," Taemin pouts. He grabs Jonghyun's wrist, and then just holds on to it affectionately. "Hey, wait," he says a moment later.

Jonghyun watches his thumb stop scrolling and then scroll back up. He smiles. Nice. He's in. He's got him now. "This is," Taemin says. He licks his lips, then actually zooms in on whichever one he's looking at. His adams apple bob's in an audible swallow. "This is really hot? Hold on. Come here."

He sits up, but just to grab Jonghyun by the shoulders and bring him back down with him. Jonghyun lands with a squeak on his forearms and then doesn't have time to resettle himself before Taemin is bending his legs to plant his heels into the mattress and fucking up hard and sharp into him. Jonghyun gasps, gritting his teeth, loving it, the suddenness of it, the desperate need that Taemin is fucking him with.

"God, oh my god," Taemin whispers. "Gonna chain you to me, never gonna let you go, mine all mine," and then he's cumming.

It surprises Jonghyun, he'll admit. He definitely wasn't expecting it to be that fast. He didn't even get to get fully back into his own horny mood after that little break. He still shivers at the new hot flood of fresh cum in his ass, but still. He doesn't get anything else from that except laughter. Quiet, adoring, against Taemin's hair. Kissing him, he says, "so you like it?"

"A little bit," Taemin pants into his neck. He starts peppering kisses all over it, just like he was that morning, like he's so in love that he can't bear how small each kiss is. Picking up his phone before it gets lost underneath the bed sheets, Jonghyun rolls his eyes at the picture on the screen. Of course the one that got Taemin was the one where the top and the bottom both had matching chain collars. Sappy little homo.

It takes Taemin a full minute to kiss himself out. He ends it by pushing Jonghyun off of him, holding his face in his little hands, and just pecking the tip of his nose. And then, obviously, Jonghyun is so overcome with emotion about that that he has to kiss all over Taemin's face for a minute. Taemin accepts it with minimal squirming. Politely, when he's done, Jonghyun grabs a tissue from the headboard and gently wipes away all of the spitty spots he left on Taemin's face. He crumples up the tissue when he's done and misses the garbage can even worse than Taemin did earlier.

"Anyway," Taemin says. It's a relaxed sigh of a breath. His hands play on Jonghyun's sides, tickling up his ribs, smoothing down his waist. "Want to play viddy game?" he asks. Jonghyun perks up instantly. He loves viddy game.

"Hell yeah," he says. "Something co-op?"

"Of course," Taemin says. He sits up clumsily. Jonghyun starts moving to get off of him until Taemin wraps his arms tight around his waist and keeps him in his lap. "No," he mumbles, speaking into Jonghyun's shoulder. "We can do this."

"We can–what? Oh. Oh my gosh." Jonghyun laughs as Taemin starts struggling to the end of the bed, huffing and puffing as he scoots an inch at a time with Jonghyun wobbling in his lap. "Yeah, sure, okay," he agrees. They can totally do this. He starts doing his best to help, leaning back and using his hands to pull them along, pushing with his heels.

Mostly what he winds up doing is pushing around the loose sheets, but Taemin is doing the same thing. They make it to the end of the bed anyway, all the way until Taemin's feet are on the floor and Jonghyun is clinging tight around his neck to make sure he doesn't fall over backwards and bonk his head. There, Jonghyun has about five seconds to wonder what Taemin's plan is now.

Taemin tightens his arms around Jonghyun's waist, plants his feet, and stands up. Quickly, giggling, Jonghyun locks his ankles around Taemin's waist. He's impressed; Taemin takes two entire steps on his tired, orgasm shaky legs before he falters and wheezes out a laugh.

"Nope," he says quickly, "nope. Nope nope nope. Absolutely not." As he says all of this, he pivots and swings Jonghyun, throwing him bodily back onto the bed. Jonghyun lands hard and loud, laughing partly because it's fun but mostly because the feeling of Taemin's dick sliding out of him in mid-air is something he doesn't think he's ever going to forget. He laughs and laughs and laughs, letting it fill up his throat, his lungs, his entire body with its euphoria.

The only reason he stops laughing is because Taemin taps him urgently on the knee. Wiping his eyes–he was actually crying a little bit–Jonghyun props himself up on his elbows and hums his curiosity.

"Where's my switch?" Taemin asks. He's holding Jonghyun's special edition pastel pink switch, but his own original red and blue one isn't in the dock connected to the tv on top of the dresser where it's supposed to be. Jonghyun rolls his eyes. Three times a week this gremlin loses his console.

"Weren't you and Kai playing in the kitchen yesterday?" he asks. "It’s probably still in there."

 "Man," Taemin whines. He puts Jonghyun's switch down and sighs, heading out of the room. "Be right back," he grumbles.

Jonghyun watches him go, chuckling. He really likes that little goober. He yawns, stretching his arms over his head. Big day already, and it's barely noon thirty. He's very pleased with the both of them for deciding to do this today.

He flops to his back, and then rolls over to his stomach, and then stops halfway there with a squeak when his dick rubs against the fabric of the sheets. Oh, yeah. He got so caught up in the excitement of being in love that he forgot he had a boner. It's not a super boner or anything, but the thing is that it's sensitive after three orgasms and starting up but then losing steam for a fourth.

And not just his cock; now that he's aware of his horny bits, he is entirely focusing on how his bootyhole is so sensitive after 5 fuckings in 4 hours that even as he lies here, he can feel the cum oozing out of his rim.

He brings his right hand to his mouth, sucking on his pinky and ring finger, smiling to himself, feeling a little devious. He thinks. Maybe. He deserves little a fingering himself. As a treat.

He quickly makes sure that he's still on top of the cummy sheets and not the clean ones, and then gets himself more settled and comfortable on his back. He doesn't bother sucking on the fingers of his left hand. He just drags them down around his thigh, trailing them lightly over his hole to gauge his own reaction. It's immediate: a full body tingle and that spreads from his asshole to the very tips of his hair.

Smiling wide around his fingers, Jonghyun just plays with his rim, tracing it, hooking one fingertip in there and pulling gently, playing with the cum that floods out onto his hand. He's gaping a little bit. He can tell. He bites his lip, closing his eyes, imagining how he looks down there, all dark and flushed and creamy, opening and closing around his own finger. Craving for more. Craving to be filled, to be fucked open, to be left gaping wide and loose, proof that he's been a good little fucktoy.

His boner starts coming back in full force. He takes his right hand away from his mouth to take it up, jerking himself off slowly. This orgasm has been so drawn out that every single centimeter that he moves both in his ass and on his cock is a fireworks show of sensation throughout his entire body. He feels like, at this point, the tiniest little thing would set him off.

"Oh, you can't do that to me." Jonghyun's eyes snap open. Taemin is in the doorway, switch in his hand. Jonghyun blinks once, twice. Taemin throws his switch on to the dresser, starting forward before Jonghyun can't even really process his reappearance. "Oh no, oh no, oh no you can't, oh my god, you can't do that to me, oh no." He sounds distressed, desperate, absolutely fucking desolate. He looks the same in the two seconds before he's throwing himself on top of Jonghyun.

Somehow he's hard again already and his cock finds its way into Jonghyun's asshole so easily, so fucking easily like it belongs there, like it was made to be in there. Absolutely exploding with joy, his every nerve alight, Jonghyun bends in half like paper when Taemin grabs him by the backs of his knees and holds him wide open. The whole time, Taemin whispers, whines, about how Jonghyun can't, can't, can't. About how perfect he is.

Taemin is sloppy, fervent. Easy. With the hand he was using to finger himself, Jonghyun grabs Taemin's ass instead. He guides Taemin, channeling all of his raw energy to fuck him deeper, harder, better. And he makes sure to do that quickly, because he knows his orgasm is coming along fast.

As soon as Taemin pulls himself together enough to follow the rhythm Jonghyun is pushing him into, Jonghyun relinquishes his little bit of control and lets himself just enjoy it. Enjoy the bruises being pressed into the backs of his thighs, Taemin's breath hot on his face, his words quiet and rough in his head. Enjoy every single tiny movement that pushes and pulls on his rim, that leaves him empty and then fills him up again, that touches nerves inside of him that make his brain feel fuzzy. Enjoy Taemin closing his hand around Jonghyun's so they're pumping his cock together, hot and tight and fast.

Enjoy his orgasm as it rushes through him, huge and powerful, electrifying him from the inside out, so powerful that his vision goes blurry, so powerful that he feels his own cum hitting him in the chin.

Taemin might have been absolutely overcome with lust, but he still works Jonghyun during his orgasm to make it last as long as possible, until he's twitching, trembling, giggling with his hand over his eyes to block out the light, pleasure in every molecule of his body.

Hell yeah.

Slowly he comes out of it. His vision focuses back in, his heart slows down, his lungs stop working overtime. He notices, once again, that he completely missed Taemin cumming. He can only tell because of Taemin's ragged breathing, the fresh new warmth inside of his booty hole. Good for him.

"Hey, Jonghyun?" Taemin says. He still has that faraway, on-another-planet look in his eyes. His voice sounds like it's coming from somewhere 300 miles inside of him. He smiles as beautiful as all of the stars in the galaxy. "I think you're pretty neat," he says.

Jonghyun beams, chest bursting with love. A universe of emotion was behind that pretty neat and Jonghyun can pick up on it just from the curl at the edge of Taemin's smile.

"Thanks," he replies warmly. He slides his hand up Taemin's body to rest on his chest, right under his heart. "I think you're super duper."

Taemin's heart thuds faster. He inhales big, exhales slow. He leans down and kisses Jonghyun's cheek once. "Now if you'll excuse me," he says. He extracts himself from Jonghyun and staggers back to the tv, rubbing his palms into his eyes. Jonghyun snorts, letting him go. Like he was the one that decided to go hog wild just then.

He stretches out on the bed, arms reaching towards the headboard, legs straight over empty space. Feeling mischievous, he reaches over with his foot to poke Taemin's booty. He quickly lets his foot drop to the ground and smiles innocently at the ceiling when Taemin jumps and turns to glare at him.

Taemin takes a while at the tv. It always takes him a while to remember how to get the tv from the trashy daytime judge show tv channel to the video game channel. While he's working on it, Jonghyun clambers up the bed to grab the bag of chips and a new water bottle for each of them, then fixes the sheets and sits himself pretty on his knees at the edge.

Finally Taemin gets it. He turns around with his controllers and Jonghyun's switch. Jonghyun brushes his fingers over his hands when he takes it just because he knows it'll make Taemin shiver. And then, when Taemin sits down next to him on the bed, he swoops over him and into his lap, guiding his cock back into his asshole in one easy movement. That makes Taemin shudder so hard he drops both of his own controllers. Jonghyun hides his smirk by kissing his cheeks, kissing down his neck. He loves messing with Taemin when he's oversensitive after an orgasm.

Once Taemin is pouting against his hair, Jonghyun is satisfied. He simply hooks his chin over his shoulder, wraps his arms around his waist, crosses legs behind his booty, and picks up his switch, smiling down at it. They're playing stardew valley. Taemin's farm. Lovely.

As soon as the game loads and they wake up, Taemin grabs the bag of chips to open it up and start eating. Jonghyun takes the chance to rush over to him in the game and steal the first smooch of the day.

Taemin catches up to him outside watering the crops after dusting crumbs off of his hands and smooches him back.

They settle into the routine of the farm comfortably: watering and harvesting, flirting with people in the town, Taemin going down to the beach to fish while Jonghyun heads into the mines to be a cool sword lesbian. They update each other whenever they’re going to buy something expensive, they gossip about their headcanons for the characters, they chase each other around every morning desperately trying to be the first one to smooch. They take turns to take chips out of the bag and call each other gay when their hands accidentally brush together.

While he's away from the farm, Taemin fills Jonghyun's house up with scarecrows so much that he can't even move once he steps in the front door, then laughs sharp and loud when Jonghyun finds out. In retaliation, Jonghyun waits for him to go fishing and then methodically surrounds his house with as many layers of fences that he possibly can. He steals his axe, too, so he can't break them down, and then doesn't give it back until Taemin starts begging for it. They get divorced and then married again the next day, just for the drama of it.

They get bored.

Well. Jonghyun gets bored. There's only so long that he can be invested in one thing. He can't hyper focus on video games like Taemin can. It's been almost a whole hour. He announces his boredom, rubbing his cheek against Taemin's head in real life, running in circles around him in the game. Taemin starts running circles with him, rubbing his back with his free hand.

"Do you want to play something else?" he asks. Jonghyun thinks, yawns, shakes his head.

"I'll just watch you play," he says. That's always fun.

"Oki," Taemin hums. "Gonna be a horrible goose."

"Oh, fuck yeah," Jonghyun says. He loves watching Taemin being a horrible little goose terrorizing a nice little town. He waits for Taemin to save and quit stardew valley before he turns his own switch off and gets up. It's a little difficult to; their chests and tummy stick together the tiniest bit, glued to each other by the two separate loads of cum that Jonghyun landed on each one of them. He has to wait a couple minutes to finish laughing about it before he can actually get up.

He puts the console back next to the tv, where it belongs, and then gets back on Taemin's dick, where he belongs. He doesn't straddle Taemin, though; he sets himself across his lap, knees drawn up, one arm around his waist and the other around his neck. He noses against Taemin's cheek, kisses it, licks it, and then looks away innocently.

Taemin bites his jawline hard, but then kisses it very soft and gentle after, so Jonghyun guesses they're even.

The chip bag lies open next to Jonghyun's foot. Jonghyun picks it up, looking inside. Too much to finish off at once. He just clips it closed and tosses it towards the front of the bed. He drinks his water, offers the bottle to Taemin, and then gets comfortable with his head on his shoulder and ready to watch.

A little while in, his eyelids droop. His eyes sting a little bit from looking at his screen for so long. He yawns again. He holds Taemin tighter, snuggling in. Maybe he'll doze a little bit.

Slowly, he does, fading in and out. He watches a few minutes of Taemin playing the game, he rests his eyes for a few minutes. Sometimes when he fades back in, it's because Taemin is adjusting him in his lap, or because Taemin is softly kissing his throat. Every time he hums happily, soaking up all of the adoration.

After what has to be another 20 minutes, he blinks his eyes open when he hears Taemin quietly say, "what the fuck is that?"

"Hmm?" he asks, rubbing his fingers into his eyes. Taemin is turned away from the tv, digging in the crumpled up folds of the sheets behind himself. He pulls out something round and pink and glass; after a moment, Jonghyun recognizes it. His cherry blossom plug. "Oh," he says. "I dropped that, earlier, when you were sleeping and I was riding you."

"You were riding me?" Taemin asks blankly. Jonghyun nods, smiling against his cheek.

"I nutted and everything," he says happily. "You didn't. Just me. That's where this came from." He touches the dry little splatter of cum that's still on Taemin's neck.

 "Hot," Taemin mumbles. Then, "here. Up.” Getting one arm under Jonghyun's knees and the other behind his back, he lifts him off of his dick and gently puts him back down in his lap. Jonghyun is halfway to pouting when Taemin touches the tip of the plug to his hole. Then he gasps instead, biting his lip. Yeah, okay. He'll trade being a cock warmer for getting his bootyhole played with.

A glance at the tv shows and that Taemin must have switched from being a horrible little goose to watching someone else play a video game that they don't have a while ago. The video still plays now, and Taemin watches it as he pushes just the tip of the plug in Jonghyun's hole and twists it slowly back and forth. It looks like one of those games that Taemin likes with spooky scary stuff and undefined lore; Jonghyun lets his eyes slide back shut.

He pulls all of his focus down to what his Taemin is doing between his legs. He's pushing the plug in and out just a centimeter while he twists it. It's an absentminded, repetitive motion. He's stimming with it, stimming with Jonghyun's asshole. Even so, Jonghyun can tell that he's putting some thought into it, because as the minutes pass by, he switches it up.

He pushes it in a little further, so it stays, and then just moves it in slow circles, stretching Jonghyun's rim all around, teasing his insides with the tip. And then a few minutes later, he pushes it almost to the widest part and then lets it slip back out, pushes it back in, lets it fall out. Every time Jonghyun thinks he's going to push it all the way in, and every time he gasps, breath catching in his throat.

Jonghyun is hard again. He doesn't even have to look, or move to jerk himself off. He can feel it in the pulse of his balls and the throbbing of his veins. He's trying his very hardest to keep his hips still–he doesn't want to ruin Taemin's rhythm–but it's hard.

It becomes impossible a minute later because Taemin decides to push the plug in all the way. It catches Jonghyun off guard–the stretch, the pressure, the release, the way Taemin pushes hard against the round base to get it as deep as it can possibly be inside of him. Jonghyun whimpers a little, grabbing at Taemin's head, twisting his fingers into his hair. Taemin laughs quietly. His lips brush the tip of his nose.

"Hey," he says then. "I'm sorry I went so feral on you earlier."

 "What?" Jonghyun asks, startled into his own sleepy laughter. He opens his eyes, blinking the room into focus. Taemin's video is paused on the tv screen and he’s busy brushing soft kisses all over Jonghyun's cheek. His fingers still move on the plug, rolling it against Jonghyun. Every time he does, it teases just under his prostate. "It's fine," Jonghyun pants between pulses of pleasure. "I liked it." He loved it. It was exactly what he needed in the moment and it made him feel like the hottest little babe on the planet to boot.

"Yeah, but," Taemin says. He exhales through his nose, pressing his forehead against Jonghyun's temple. "Embarrassing," he says. Jonghyun snorts. Sure.

"If you say so," he shrugs. "Is that why you're making this all nice and slow for me?" he asks.

"Maybe." A smile lurks in the corners of the Taemin's voice. Jonghyun shifts to get more comfortable in his lap, rolling his hips up into Taemin's hand.

"I promise I'll enjoy it super good then," he says. If Taemin is putting extra effort into pleasing him, he'll put extra effort into being pleased. It only seems fair.

"Oh, I'm sure you will," Taemin mutters. He's trying to sound grumpy that Jonghyun is being bratty, but Jonghyun knows that he loves it. And Taemin knows that he knows, so Jonghyun isn't sure why he's trying so hard. It's cute, at least.

Now that they're both really focusing on it, Taemin picks up his game. The way he moves the plug changes from absent and simple to intent, purposeful. He starts doing Jonghyun's favorite thing: he pulls it all the way out until just the tip is pressed against his hole and then he pushes it all the way back in.

He fucks Jonghyun with it nice and slow, dragging the glass against his rim. Every time he's pushing it in, he pauses when it's at the widest part, and every time he's pulling it out, he teases it against his rim, tugging at it, before he pops it out. He whispers against Jonghyun's ear, asks him if he can hold on to it, if he can keep it from sinking in, and then Taemin tells him to keep it in, keep it in, keep it in for me , even as he's pulling it out and leaving him empty.

So far, all of Jonghyun's orgasms had come up on him fast, hit him suddenly with bangs . This one, though, creeps up on him like lava through his veins. Taemin brings him to the edge and then keeps them there, trembling, for what feels like hours. Jonghyun can't get a proper breath in and it makes him light headed. Every inch of him feels fuzzy, tingly, dizzy. And when he finally cums, when Taemin finally takes him soaring over the edge and into his orgasm, nothing changes. All anything does is get more powerful, more intense, from breathtaking to soul shaking.

It washes over him in waves throughout his whole body, making every muscle cramp until he's all curled up, twitching, hyperventilating almost, clenching his teeth so hard he can hear them creak, his hands balled so tightly into fists that he digs his nails into his skin. He cums so hard he can feel his balls squeezing, his cock jerking with the force of each shot. He cums so hard that he can't feel his toes.

Taemin holds him through it, keeping him upright, reminding him to breathe, reassuring him that he's okay, that he's good, that he's perfect.

It takes a minute for his vision to be anything more than blurry spots of light. Slowly, inch by inch, body part by body part, he unclenches, uncurls, relaxes. Vaguely, he can feel Taemin massaging his muscles. His arms, his abs, his thighs, dexterous fingers smoothing up and down his neck, sliding all the way down to hold each hand and press little circles into his palms with his thumbs.

 Breathing hard, Jonghyun finally looks up into Taemin's face.

He's smirking. Of course he is. Smug little gremlin. Jonghyun can't say he doesn't deserve it, though. He leans in to press his lips to his cheek.

"Oh, thank you," Taemin says cutely. "Here." He hands Jonghyun a peeled little tangerine. Jonghyun takes it, confused.

 "Did you have this with you the whole time?" he asks. He doesn't remember Taemin grabbing a tangerine when he brought the chips over.

"What? No, I just grabbed it, like, two minutes ago," Taemin says. "When I put you down?"

"You put me down?" Jonghyun asks, baffled. What the fuck. He looks around; he's still in Taemin's lap, cradled and comfy. "And then you picked me back up?" he demands. He refuses to believe it. He did not experience that.

"Oh my god," Taemin laughs. "Eat your cutie, cutie."

"No, like, legitimately," Jonghyun insists. "Did you really?”

"Yes," Taemin says. "Legitimately. Holy shit. Drink your water, too." He holds the water bottle to Jonghyun's mouth, helping him take a sip. Jonghyun obeys in a daze. He runs his shaky hand through his hair. What the fuck. He pops the entire tangerine into his mouth at once, chewing slowly. He guesses he believes Taemin. He doesn't know why Taemin would lie to him. Wild. "You ever nut so hard...?" Taemin mumbles, leaving the question trailing. Jonghyun chokes on the last of his swallow, coughing through his silent laughter.

"You ever nut so hard you black out for a couple minutes?" he asks, grinning. He has. He would definitely recommend it. "Hey, Taem?" he says. "That was–" and he laughs again, trying to talk through his huffs of breath. "That was really good," he says. "Thanks."

"Yeah, no problem," Taemin says. He's speaking through his own soft, breathy laughter. He nuzzles in under Jonghyun's chin, kissing his neck. He's started petting Jonghyun's hair. "Do you want the plug back, or do you want to be on my dick?" he asks. The second part of that question sounds much more hopeful then the first, but Taemin holds up the plug all the same, pink and shiny with spit. Of course cleaned up all of his own cum before Jonghyun could get to it.

Jonghyun hesitates for a moment, thinking. He does very much want to be back on his favorite dick, but. He takes the plug instead, putting it inside of himself on his own.

"I think I need to lie down," he says. He's still. He's still some kind of way. The water and the tangerine helped, but even getting out of Taemin's lap is a production that he can't do without help. He slithers onto his stomach onto the bed, melting into it, very grateful for Taemin's small hands guiding him and smoothing the sheets out for him. He smiles at Taemin through his lashes, making a grabby hand for him. "Lie down with me," he demands.

Taemin obeys in an instant. He slides down dramatically on his side, one leg bent at the knee, propping his head up in his hand, smirking and winking when he gets eye level with Jonghyun. Giggling, Jonghyun wiggles around until he can copy the position. Then he leans in and very quickly smooches Taemin's nose. Just because he wants to.

"Ah!" Taemin exclaims loudly. "How dare." He glares, puffing up his cheeks, dramatic. Jonghyun smiles wickedly.

"Like this," he says, and does it again. Taemin squawks this time, indignant and furious. Aggressively rolling to his back, he crosses his arms over his chest and turns his nose away.

When Jonghyun wiggles his way over there, throwing his leg over his waist, clambering half on top of him, he finds that Taemin turned away to hide his smile. He tries to kiss Taemin's nose again. Taemin intercepts it by tilting his head up an inch and pecking his mouth softly. Jonghyun can't say that he minds.

He does try for the nose a couple more times, but Taemin just keeps tilting his head further and further, like a cat, until Jonghyun has to give up with a laugh. Another time. He'll get Taemin's nose another time.

For now, he settles down, snuggling into the crook of his right shoulder. He smooths his free hand over Taemin's tummy and chest, squishing his flab, poking his belly button, playing with his nipples to be annoying. Taemin wraps his arm around his waist, not minding any of it. He reaches up the bed until he can get a pillow between his fingertips. He pulls it down and gets it settled comfortably beneath his head, then finds his switch controllers in the covers and hands them to Jonghyun.

"Find us something to watch," he says.

Jonghyun gets them to his favorite tiny cooking channel. He smiles when he tosses the controllers down, content already. Tiny knives chopping tiny onions, tiny little candles powerring tiny little stoves. Wonderful. His own scented candles still burn on the dresser, flickering next to the tv. From here, he can tell that both of them are burning nice and even, all the way around to the edge of the jars, no tunneling. His nose has gotten used to their combination of scents already, but if he focuses, he can still pick up on the soft vanilla and sweet strawberry wafting through the air. Lovely.

Taemin's thumb runs back and forth over his ribs, his chest rises and falls under his hand, his heart beats and beats next to his ear. Perfect.

After the video, Taemin takes his turn and picks out a vine compilation from his recommendeds. Then Jonghyun picks a music loop machine performance, and then Taemin picks a music video. Jonghyun is scrolling through the related videos after that one to pick out something else when his phone chimes from the bedside table.

He recognizes the birdsong tune: "Oh! That's Jinki."

"You have a specific notification for Jinx on your phone?" Taemin asks.

"Yeah. I'm gay and I like him." Jonghyun gives Taemin the controllers and rolls over to his stomach, then clambers to his knees. He doesn't need to look at Taemin to know he's pouting, but he does anyway. It's cute and he would like to see it. "I have a specific one for you, too, you know," he says, exasperated. "It's the boingy spring noise, because, you know, boner."

Instantly Taemin decides that he'd rather gremlin cackle than pout. "God, that's so good," he says. Jonghyun smiles to himself. He knows it is.

Earlier, when he was still nutted out of this plane of existence, he laid down on Taemin's usual side of the bed. Now his phone is on the other side of Taemin. He could get up and walk around, or, he could just climb over Taemin. Obviously he chooses the latter, crawling over him carefully, diagonally, over to the top right corner of the bed.

It's no surprise at all when, halfway there, Taemin stops him with gentle hands on his hips. Jonghyun looks down; conveniently, Taemin has him hovering over his face, knees on either side of his head. Taemin draws one innocent finger down the v of his hip, twists it gently in his short pubes.

"You think you can go for one more yet?" he asks.

"Well," Jonghyun says. He taps his chin, pretending to think. "I won't know until I try." They give each other matching smirks. Taemin kisses up his left thigh, soft, tender, biting him gently. He massages Jonghyun's other thigh up to the crease, where he lets go to take up his cock instead.

He sucks it into his mouth slow and wet. His eyes slide shut, a happy hum vibrating from his throat to Jonghyun's cock. It makes Jonghyun hum as well, his own eyes sliding shut. He can feel himself getting hard again, already, blood traveling south for the sixth time today. He shuffles forward an inch or two on his knees, so he can be better above Taemin.

Both of them open their eyes again at the same time. Jonghyun smiles down at his Taemin, his love, and pushes his bangs out of his face. Taemin winks at him as he reaches around to grab his butt with his little hands. He uses the leverage and the better angle to suck Jonghyun further into his mouth, all the way to the base while he's still soft, a little more than two thirds down once he gets all the way hard.

He keeps his mouth nice and soft just the way Jonghyun likes, and lets him rock his hips, leisurely fuck into his favorite sloppy little hole. Sometimes, if Jonghyun is feeling mischievous, he'll hold on to Taemin's head and push his cock all the way into his mouth. He likes teasing Taemin's gag reflex. Just a little bit. Just until he's about to cough, about to choke. The way his throat works around Jonghyun's cock just before feels so fucking good it could make him nut in under a minute.

Taemin knows this, though, which must be the only reason why he physically stops Jonghyun the fourth time he tries to do it. He lets Jonghyun's cock fall out of his mouth, bob in the air, and splap wetly onto his cheek. There, he gives it little kisses all the way down the shaft until he reaches the balls.

Jonghyun gasps happily as he gives those a little special attention. Gentle kisses peppered over them, soft, delicate sucks, Taemin's tongue rolling decadent over them, like they're candy that he wants to keep in his mouth forever.

But he gives them up soon, making his way behind them. He pulls Jonghyun even further over him, angling him, angling himself to be able to lean in, pull out the plug, and lick into his asshole.

It's obvious that this was what he was going for when he first started this round. Jonghyun knew it, Taemin knew it, and he doesn't bother trying to disguise it. He groans into Jonghyun's ass, delving in there with broad, long strokes of his tongue. His little hands grip hard, fingernails pressing crescents into his booty cheeks, before he wraps his arms all the way around Jonghyun's waist instead and holds him like that, holds him fully on his face, mouth open against his hole, tongue never leaving except when he has to breathe. There's a faraway look in his dilated eyes as he blinks up at Jonghyun, like he's not really seeing him, or like he's seeing nothing but him. His cheeks are flushed, his expression so rapturous that he's practically glowing.

He's going easy on Jonghyun. He's holding himself back, restraining himself from eating him out the way he really wants to. He's trying to be nice, trying to be gentle, knowing that Jonghyun has to still be tired from his dynamite nut not even an hour ago. So he's sticking to the basics, going slow, forcing himself to be calm.

Jonghyun wishes that he wouldn't.

 He wishes that Taemin would be as enthusiastic as he wants with him all the time. He can take it. He wants Taemin to just use him, do whatever he wants to him, hold him tight and force him to take it even if he started crying from the oversensitivity.

Still, though. He's not upset. He can't be upset, not when Taemin is treating him with such care, such tenderness. Today has been about nothing if not tenderness and care for each other, so Jonghyun isn't going to start complaining about it now.

Instead, he's going to start jerking himself off. Genuinely, he meant it when he said that he wouldn't know if he was ready for another nut until he tried. There was really a big chance that his body wouldn't let him do it again so soon after the last fireworks show. But he's here now, and his body is definitely trying to get him to his next orgasm.

It is a shaky one, to be fair. Not one of his best. But still, with Taemin sucking on his rim, a very good one. He cums in little, shaky bursts, his breath stuttering along with his pulse. Not a whole lot comes out of him, but what does lands on Taemin's face, dotting and streaking him with white in the most beautiful picture.

No, actually, scratch that. The most beautiful picture comes after, when Taemin pushes him back down over his chest and smiles at him. Bangs a sweaty mess on his forehead, eyes sparkly and bright, cheeks round and pink, teeth dazzling and round and cute between flushed lips.

Jonghyun feels that smile in his heart in a way that nothing else today has even come close to making him feel. It doesn't just make his breath catch; it stops his breath entirely for a few seconds. He doesn't know how he ever got so lucky to have Taemin in his life. He doesn't know what he ever did to deserve that smile, that adoration. That look that says that any time spent with Jonghyun has always been and will always be the time of Taemin's life.

Desperate suddenly, Jonghyun crawls his way down the bed until he can grab Taemin and sit him up straight. Jonghyun sits down on him–not on his dick, just in his lap–and presses their mouths together.

He tries not to come on too strong. Just because he's desperate that doesn't mean he wants to go chipping a tooth again. He keeps his mouth soft, slow, and tries to show Taemin the intensity of his emotions through other means. Cupping his face gently, wrapping his arm around his shoulders, pressing their foreheads together when they break to breathe every so often.

At one point, Taemin puts his hand on top of Jonghyun's on his face, intertwining their fingers. Even though he's sure that Taemin can feel his heart thudding hard with their chests pressed together, he moves their hands down together between them, pressing Taemin's against his heartbeat. So he'll know .

It works; Taemin presses his fingers into his skin, pulls him closer with the arm around his waist. When they break again, he nods, he whispers, "me too."

And the next few minutes are how much more just smiles pressed against each other than real kisses.

The next break, Taemin speaks again: "weren't you all excited to talk to Jinki?” he asks.

"Oh, right," Jonghyun says loudly. He laughs, leaning back, covering his face with his hands. He completely forgot. Ignoring Taemin shaking his head, Jonghyun quickly fans his face, trying to get his shit together. He pushes Taemin down, crawls over him, grabs his phone, and then reverses his last five seconds to sit himself right back down in his favorite lap.

Jinki's text says, "hey I'm kind of lonely do you and / or taem wanna hang out??? Wherever you want : )"

"He wants to hang out," Jonghyun squeaks, excited. He loves hanging out with Jinki.

“Oh, hell yeah," Taemin says. He twists at the waist so he can see the text also. "Tell him he can come over but only if he's cool with being a little horny."

"Yeah, a little?" Jonghyun asks. He smirks, eyebrows behind his bangs. "Is that what you would call what we are today?"

"What would you call it?" Taemin mirrors his expression as he loops his arms loosely around his waist.

"Ravenously obsessed with knowing each other carnally," Jonghyun replies coolly.

While Taemin is laughing, Jonghyun takes the time to reply to Jinki. They text back and forth, flirting, asking and answering quick questions. Yes they've already been at it all day, yes they’re doing sleepy rules, no they don't want to go out and do anything else after, sure they'll let him put them on his sex work social media for free, yes he can let himself in.

Between texts, while Jonghyun is waiting, he kisses Taemin more. His mouth, his cheeks, his nose. He kisses each little droplet of cum, slurping them up cutely, adding them to the kiss with his tongue. And when he's out of cum, he bites Taemin's cheek gently, gnawing on him, making him giggle. He gets a text in the middle of that: "hey is it okay if I bring some of my own toys over?"

"All of his usual kinks okay?" Jonghyun interrupts Taemin's continued giggles to ask.

"What?" Taemin asks. "Yeah, sure. What time is it?" He grabs Jonghyun's hand to check the time on his phone for a second. “Almost 3:00? ask him to bring us lunch."

 "On my gosh, you have such good ideas in your cute little brain," Jonghyun hisses. He hadn't even thought of that. He was trying to figure out how to make Taemin get up and make some lunch before Jinki got here, but Taemin is right. They can just get Jinki to do it for them. He wraps Taemin's head all up in his arms, smooching his noggin all over. "What do you want?" he asks after.

"Chicken nugget," Taemin says, his voice deep and round from his chest. Jonghyun snorts. Silly.

"Chicken nugget," he repeats in the same way. He sends Jinki the request, giving him their usual order once he agrees. The entire time, the both of them parrot chicken nugget back and forth at each other, making it sound funnier and funnier each time until they're not even saying the words. They’re just making noises, snorting and laughing.

"He says like 15, 25 minutes," Jonghyun says a little bit later, tossing his phone onto the bedside table once more. He bites his lip, giddy. "I can't wait." Hanging out with Jinki is always one of his favorite things, and fucking him–

"Sure you can," Taemin says. He rubs his cheek on Jonghyun's neck, kissing him, biting him. "You have me to keep you company."

And that sounds simple, yeah, but his tone carries just the tiniest hint of something. Suspicious. Something that makes Jonghyun smile knowingly, push him away by his chest, cup his chin gently.

 "I do," he says, and then, innocently, "and then I can switch over and climb him like a tree for a little bit instead."

There. Just for a second. Just a flash. On Taemin's face, a quick scowl makes an appearance before he can school it into something else. Jonghyun laughs, baffled but not surprised.

"You are so funny, dude," he says. Every time, he gets like this. He's always so jealous, for no reason. Jonghyun cannot comprehend it at all. "What even is your issue? Do you not like sharing me?" He knows that Taemin does. Factually. It's one of his favorite things, actually. Top five. Top three, even. Taemin groans, pushing his face into his chest, shoulders slumped dramatically.

"No, I do," he says. "I just." He looks up at Jonghyun, chin on his sternum, eyes all big and round. "Maybe I just want you to belong to me and only be mine and never ever ever ever let anyone else ever touch you ever. Because I'm all you need. And you're mine." His fingers press into Jonghyun's lower back, insistent and needy. Adorable. Jonghyun rolls his eyes.

"But...?" he prompts. He knows there's more. The second part to this that makes it so irrational. Taemin sighs. He lets go of Jonghyun to flop out on his back, arms sprawled around him.

"But I know how much you want to get gangbanged on the side of the highway and I want that for you to because it'll make you happy and also I think it would be so fucking hot to be there and watch and hold your hand." He grumbles it to the ceiling, but there's wistfulness in his voice, the powerful urge to wish it into reality, and he rubs his hands over his face, disgruntled. Jonghyun chuckles fondly. He likes this little goober.

"There are two wolves inside of you," he says wisely. Laughter bubbles out of Taemin, shaking the bed, turning his eyes into crescents. He pinches his nose sheepishly.

"There are two wolves inside of me," he agrees, nodding. "One of them wants to tattoo property of lee taemin over your ass and the other one wants to tattoo open for business 24/7 over it. I am a disaster."

Shaking his head, Jonghyun leans down until he can press his lips to Taemin's cheek. He doesn't get why Taemin has such a problem just doing both of those things. He can own Jonghyun's ass and also rent it out to everyone else. They can coexist. He's still all Taemin's even if a hundred other people use him.

He does appreciate the possessiveness, though. He loves the way Taemin loves him, overwhelming and smothering. He loves the way Taemin craves him. He loves the way Taemin needs him.

"Calm down. It's just Jinki," he chides gently. "You like him too." Usually Jonghyun allows some wiggle room for his irrational jealousy because it's so cute, but there really is no reason for it right now.

"Yeah, yeah," Taemin mumbles. He's quiet for a moment, and then he smiles, genuinely, rubbing his cheek. "I really like him," he says. "He's so…." He doesn't finish the sentence, but he doesn't have to. Jonghyun agrees. Any compliment, any in the entire world, could fit there. Multiple of them at once. It's impossible to not like Jinki. "Man,” Taemin says. He covers his mouth, laughs into his fingers. "I can't wait till he gets here."

There it is. Finally they're on the same page.

"If only there was something we could do to pass the time," Jonghyun says loftily. He grinds his hips back, finding Taemin's dick with his booty. Taemin got himself half hard eating Jonghyun out, so he gets it from flopped on his left thigh to between his booty cheeks easily. He smiles, wiggling on it, watching Taemin's eyelids flutter. Taemin holds onto his hips, moving with him.

"Don't you think it's a little rude, to tire ourselves out right before he gets here, though?" he asks.

"Mmm," Jonghyun hums. Good point. "We don't have to nut," he says. There's no rule that says they can't just rub each other up nice and slow and get themselves all worked up for Jinki to play with.

"You know what? You're so right." And with that Taemin twists and heaves until Jonghyun tumbles off of him and onto the bed with a surprised oof ! Before he can even orient himself again, Taemin keeps rolling him onto his stomach. He lies down on top of Jonghyun, wiggling to get himself comfortable. Jonghyun groans happily the whole time. He loves being squished. Something about it, the pressure, the warmth, is just so cozy. And when Taemin slots his cock right back in between his booty cheeks, resting on his crease, he knows what pure bliss feels like.

His right cheek is resting on the pillow; Taemin's lips are pillow soft against his left cheek. Carefully Taemin slides his arm under his neck, holding him, applying the gentlest pressure. Jonghyun holds onto his wrist and his elbow on either side of his face, keeping him there. He rocks his hips against Taemin until Taemin starts copying him.

Together, they work Taemin's cock between Jonghyun's cheeks. It's a slow, rolling motion that dips the bed, creaks the mattress. Jonghyun is so sensitive by now that even just this contact, this blunt rubbing over his hole and on his crack, is enough to have him trembling. He's whimpering and cursing in no time, biting growls into the pillow case, and even faster after that, Taemin is all the way hard.

Feeling that, his nice hard shaft, the way his precum oozes out and makes everything that much smoother, slipperier, hotter, Jonghyun moans out loud. It's so good, it's so fucking good, and he wants more. He needs more.

"God, you sound so beautiful," Taemin breathes against his ear. "More, baby, sing more for me."

Jonghyun does, of course. There's nothing he wouldn't do for Taemin. He lets everything that Taemin makes him feel out of his throat, moaning for him, only for him. As he does, he can feel the vibration in his own throat better, harder, against Taemin's forearm.

This is their problem. Everything they do just works the other one up. They feed on each other's energy, get each other all riled up, frantic, needy. They enable each other so much so that when Taemin stammers, "you know, actually, I think it would be rude to not fuck you before Jinki gets here, like, wouldn't it be nice to get you all slicked up for him, you know he likes you nice and open," Jonghyun is nodding and begging for it before he even finishes.

Taemin pushes his cock into him and doesn't stop to get settled. He keeps up their rhythm, fucking Jonghyun into the mattress slow and hard. Jonghyun's heart has to be beating at least five times for every one thrust, and each beat brings him closer, closer, closer–

"I don't know," a voice says by his head. Not Taemin's. Jonghyun jumps, startled of his own skin, opens his eyes. "Why," Jinki says, sitting cross-legged and nestled into their pillow corner, eyebrows raised, smile amused, mild as can be.

"Jesus christ, dude," Taemin says.

"I thought you two would be between nuts when I got here," Jinki finishes.

Jonghyun can't help it; the hormones, the excitement, the rush of shock and then relief. He bursts into laughter. Taemin does too, collapsing on top of him. Holy shit. He hides his face in Taemin's arm, guilty, embarrassed. He assumes that the hand that ruffles his hair is Jinki's.

"Well, technically," Taemin says. His hand appears heavy on Jonghyun's shoulder as he pushes himself up, pushing Jonghyun further down into the mattress. "We are between nuts."

"Yeah," Jonghyun agrees, grinning impishly. He uses the pillow to push his bangs out of his eyes. Taemin has a point. "We're just really close to one."

"So if you'll excuse us," Taemin says. He picks up right where they left off, except maybe a little bit faster, and Jonghyun half laughs, half groans, scrunching up his face, popping his booty up a little more. Taemin is so good.

Jinki keeps petting his hair, smiling at him, smiling at Taemin, telling Taemin what a good job he's doing. He offers Jonghyun his hand to hold, but Jonghyun intertwines his fingers with Taemin's instead, squeezing him tight.

It's that, more than anything Jonghyun thinks, that brings Taemin to his orgasm. The special attention, the tenderness. The validation. Jonghyun smirks through his own rising high, proud of himself.

Taemin hasn't nutted in a while and it shows. His curses are barely more than whispered breaths, his arm flexes tight around Jonghyun's neck, he slams his cock in hard, and not only does he pour a nice big load of cum inside of Jonghyun's asshole, but he also pulls out when he's halfway done and cums on his cheeks, on his back, painting his golden skin white.

And it's that, more than anything Jonghyun knows, that brings him to his own orgasm. He can feel every drop and streak of cum as it lands on his skin, covering him, marking him, and he can feel his asshole trying to close, trying to keep all of Taemin's cum in even as it leaks out of him and trickles down his balls. He cums with a full body shiver, rutting his hips forward against the sheets.

"I assume you two are still hungry?" Jinki asks blandly. He holds up two greasy paper bags. Jonghyun, still hazy, blinks at them, trying to remember what they are. Taemin on the other hand gasps dramatically.

"Oh, fuck yeah," he says. He leans down and drops seven quick kisses to Jonghyun's cheek, then snatches up the bags and carries them, crinkling loudly, backwards off of the bed. Jonghyun glances at him as he huddles down on the floor, and then back up to Jinki. On the way there, he trails his eyes up the thin strip of bed between himself and the wall. He frowns at Jinki.

"You really got all the way up here with those bags and neither of us noticed?" he asks. What the fuck. With a smile that's all raised eyebrows and crows feet under pushed back purple hair, Jinki says, "I rang your doorbell and announced I was coming in and walked all the way in here without you two noticing." He pets Jonghyun again when Jonghyun puts his face into his hands. Gosh. Embarrassing. "How come he's on the floor?" Jinki adds.

Jonghyun assumes he means Taemin and says, "he doesn't like crumbs in the sheets."

"Feels bad on my skin," Taemin calls from the foot of the bed. "Toss me some pillows."

While Jinki obeys, leaning forward to grab handfuls of pillow from behind himself, Jonghyun sits up on his knees, still a little dizzy. He pushes his hands into his eyes until he sees stars, then drops his hands to his lap and blinks his vision back to normal again. He smiles at Jinki. "Hi, honey bunny," he says.

Jinki smiles back, cute, soft, adorable. He leans forward, cups Jonghyun's face, and kisses him nice and slow. "Hi Jonghyunnie," he says. Pleased pink, Jonghyun bites his lip and busies himself with grabbing water bottles instead of spontaneously combusting. The love that Jinki makes him feel is so different from Taemin, always so intense and powerful that he's afraid he might actually pop one day if he's not careful with it.

The pair of them clamber off of the bed to join Taemin. Taemin is sitting with his knees drawn up and his back to the bed, so Jinki sits cross-legged across from him with his back to the door and Jonghyun lies out on his tummy with his head by their knees. He doesn't want to ruin all of the pretty cum that Taemin left on his back so soon.

Jinki got them their chicken nuggets as well as waffle fries for Jonghyun, regular fries for Taemin, onion rings, their favorite burgers, and one of those little chocolate cakes, in addition to his own order. Jonghyun and Taemin fall on their food ravenously. He doesn't know about Taemin, but even though they had breakfast and then all of those chips, he's starving. When he puts Taemin's half full water bottle and a new one next to his knee, Taemin mumbles "oh my god" around a mouthful of fries. He grabs the half-empty one and downs the rest of it in one go.

"So you two have been busy, huh?" Jinki asks. He's leaning back on one hand, jacket falling off of his shoulders. His arms and shoulders fill out his short sleeve shirt, distracting in a way that Jonghyun has trouble looking away from.

"Yeah, busy being gay," Taemin grins. Jonghyun snorts, smiling into his crumby fingers. That is true. Taemin pops one of the smaller onion rings fully into his mouth, wipes crumbs onto the carpet, and smiles at Jinki as he chews like he's seeing him for the first time. "Hi Jinki," he says. "I'm glad to see you." He makes grabby hands at Jinki, a gesture of welcome and excitement. Jinki, always the charmer, takes his hands and kisses the backs of his fingers.

He catches Jonghyun's eye while Taemin is cursing and waving his hand in front of his face, flustered and embarrassed. Jonghyun raises his brows, judging. Jinki knew that would get Taemin emotional. Jinki winks at him, his smile carving deep lines around his mouth. Jonghyun rolls his eyes. For someone that doesn't think he's hot, Jinki sure does know that he is attractive as hell.

They catch up while they eat. Small talk, little details about their daily lives, new stuff that they’ve wanted to talk about since the last time they all hung out together. It's easy and comfortable; it always is with Jinki. There's just something about him. Something so calming, inviting, engaging. It's no wonder that both of them are a little bit in love with him.

Taemin and Jonghyun both finish their first burgers and calm down a little bit. Enough at least to have a real conversation instead of just focusing on getting food in their stomachs. By then, Jinki is finished with most of his food and is playing with his fries, stealing one or two of theirs. Obviously he's eaten a real meal since breakfast and also hasn't been fucking all day.

He seems more than ready to change that, though, because after he wipes his hands on a napkin and stuffs it back into the bag, he leans his elbow on his knee and his chin in his hand, smiling down at Jonghyun like he wants to eat him up.

"Look at you," he murmurs. "All full of cum." He leans over and pushes three fingers into Jonghyun's asshole, just like that, sending a chill down his spine. His dick wakes up immediately, twitching against the carpet. Jonghyun can't help it. It's the casualness, the confidence that Jinki has that he didn't even ask, he just leant over and did it, like it was no big deal. And it's that on top of the fact that his fingers, his fucking fingers, are so strong, trained to be so powerful, fucking in and out of him deep and slow. Jinki finds his prostate in a heartbeat and he doesn't hold back on playing with it as he spreads Jonghyun open and inspects him like he owns him.

"Nice and loose, just how I like you," he says warmly. Tracing one finger around Jonghyun's rim, he adds, "all sensitive, too. Good. You've been a good little fucktoy, haven't you? Letting Taemin use you whenever he wants?" He doesn't wait for an answer; even though Jonghyun is nodding eagerly, Jinki turns his attention to Taemin. "How many loads have you dumped in him so far?" he asks.

"Uhhhhh," Taemin says. He looks up at the ceiling, counting off on his fingers with the hand that isn't holding his second burger.

"6," Jonghyun sighs before he can finish. 6 wonderful, heavy, thick, sticky, hot loads of cum, all for him.

"Uh, yeah, what he said," Taemin says, nodding.

"Hmm," Jinki hums. He doesn't sound impressed. "This doesn't look like 6," he chides. He takes his fingers out. Jonghyun settles his chin in his pillow, closing his eyes, munching on his fries as he imagines Jinki showing Taemin the cum clinging to his knuckles.

"Well," Taemin says, sounding sheepish. "I ate him out. A little bit. Before you got here. I've only nutted in him once since then."

"Ahh, of course you did," Jinki says wisely. "You're a little cumslut too, aren't you? You can't get enough."

"Oh my god," Taemin whispers at the same time that Jonghyun whispers, "nice, dude." If there's one thing that gets Taemin all riled up more than anything, it's being told he's insatiable. Jinki finally looks at him again, to give him a smug little smile and another wink. He holds his hand in front of Jonghyun's face, offering his fingers. They look just as slick and cummy and delicious as Jonghyun was imagining. Easily he ignores the rest of his meal in favor of sucking his fingers into his mouth, cleaning them up happily.

To Taemin, Jinki says, "what about you, huh?" He reaches over and taps Taemin's knee, hard enough to knock his legs apart, expose his hole. "The two of you, fucking each other all day. Where are your cummies?"

Taemin scoffs. "You know," he drawls. He points at Jinki with a fry. "You say that sometimes, that he tops sometimes, but I've never seen it happen. I think you're just trying to make me jealous."

"What?" Jinki asks. He laughs out the word, eyebrows rising up into his bangs. "No, he fucks me all the time, for real. Legitimately. He's really good at it. Right Jonghyunnie?" He takes his fingers out so Jonghyun can speak. Now that they're clean, he pinches his cheek softly, fondly.

Jonghyun, feeling suddenly very in the spotlight and also very much like he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, tries his very hardest to keep his smile off of his face. It doesn't work; he thinks he just looks even more guilty, grinning into his pillow, peeping up at Taemin's scandalized expression. So he's finally found out.

"I top sometimes to be nice ," he says, making sure to emphasize the condition. That's the most important part. Taemin throws his hands up into the air.

"What does that even mean?" he demands. "You're nice to me all the time, but you've never topped me. Are you for real?"

"Yeah," Jonghyun says. He shrugs his shoulders simply. If his secret is out, then there's no point in being coy about it anymore.

"Hello?" Taemin says loudly. Jonghyun glances at Jinki; he's looking down at his fries, scratching the back of his head, looking surprised at this turn of events and a little guilty about being the cause of it. He's also smiling, biting his lip, and obviously trying not to laugh. So not too guilty, then. Good. "You know how much I like getting fucked. How come you've never? Hello?"Taemin looks positively betrayed. Jonghyun feels about as guilty as Jinki. He shrugs again.

"You never asked," he says. Taemin squawks, the height of indignation. His mouth works as he tries to find words, but nothing comes out, and he just aggressively waves his hands around instead. Jonghyun shakes his head, raising his eyebrows. His smile finally cracks open his face. He doesn't know what Taemin wants from him. It's as simple as that. "What was I going to do, offer ?"

“YES?” Taemin yells. "So I would know it was an option, and so I would know you would enjoy it, and so–"

 "Absolutely not," Jonghyun says. He turns his nose up stubbornly. Absolutely not in a million years. "I'll do it for you because I'm gay and I like you and I want you to be happy, and I will enjoy it, but only if you ask me. I'm not going to volunteer." His dick enters booties on a personal invitation only basis.

"Oh my god," Taemin grumbles. Then he seems to remember that he still has food. He takes a grumpy bite of his burger, scowling at the carpet. Jonghyun shrugs. If they're going back to their food, then. He pulls apart an onion ring, happily slurping up the soft onion and then munching the breading separately. "So if I," Taemin bursts out. Jonghyun glances up. Not even a minute. "If I–will you? Fuck me? Jonghyun?"

"Yeah, sure," Jonghyun shrugs. He smiles, mischievously innocent. "Why not?"

"Oh my god," Taemin says again. He attacks his food with renewed baby tantrum energy.

"I'd love to put you two under a microscope and study you," Jinki says. He's back to leaning on his hands, smiling between both of them with a warmth in his eyes that has to come from his heart. Jonghyun smiles, flattered. That's one of the sweetest things he's ever heard. He leans over and kisses Jinki's knee. Taemin doesn't reply out loud either, but he does put his hand on Jinki's other knee, tickling him gently.

"Besides," Jinki goes on. He draws his finger over Taemin's forearm light enough to make him shiver. "Now I get to open you up all by myself."

Taemin makes a noise around his next fry. A small one, not quite a pout, not quite a moan, but a little bit of both. A noise of anticipation and wanting. A noise that makes the most wicked smirk curl up on Jinki's mouth. "Gonna take my time with you," Jinki murmurs. "Tease you open, make you beg for each finger, all the way until I'm fucking you wide open and–"

"Jinx, you can't do this to me while I'm eating," Taemin groans. "I am just a simple worm."

" My simple little worm," Jonghyun mumbles to himself. The other two hear anyway; Jinki laughs and Taemin groans even louder, banging his clenched little fist on his knee.

"You too!" he whines. "God, both of you. You're too much." He flaps a hand in between the both of them, trying his best to frown. "Play with each other instead. Leave me alone."

Well, that's an order that Jonghyun has no problem following whatsoever. He thinks he's pretty much done with his food for now; he knows that he's not hungry enough to finish the full second burger if he starts it and he can fill the rest of the way up on stray fries if he wants to. The little chocolate cake he knows him and Taemin are going to split later. He puts his food aside for now, drinks some of his water, and then puts his chin in his hands, kicks his feet in the air, and smiles his most gorgeous at Jinki.

"Jinki, my honey bunny," he says. "Can I ride you today?" He does love riding Jinki. And he knows Jinki loves when people ride him. He might have big dom energy, but that doesn't mean he can't also be a pillow princess.

"Jonghyun, my lovely," Jinki replies. He reaches down and cups Jonghyun's face in both hands, jiggling him oh so gently. "Of course you can bounce in my lap, be my little fuckbun–oh yeah!" Jinki gasps suddenly. He whips around dramatically, reaching for his bag left lying next to the door. "I almost forgot," he says, digging around in it.

Jonghyun, leaning forward curiously, practically inflates with his own excitement when he sees what Jinki pulls out. His heart thuds, his cheeks round hard with a smile, his teeth dig into his bottom lip. It's a set of bunny ears–no, three sets. One pink, one black, and one purple.

It really is the little things. The attention to detail that Jinki has. Jonghyun politely bows his head to let Jinki put the ears on him. They perfectly match his hair color and he feels more enamored than ever. As he watches Jinki put Taemin's ears and then his own on, an imaginary heart and sparkle filter hovers around him. He really is just so wonderful. His left purple bunny ear is bent at a delicate little angle and it makes the entire look that much more adorable.

"What else do you have in there?" Jonghyun pulls himself forward, trying to look inside of the bag. Jinki taps his nose sternly, but he doesn't tell Jonghyun not to peek. He opens it up more to give Jonghyun a better view.

"Fun stuff," he says. With a glance at Taemin, he shields the bag from him with one arm and shows Jonghyun one of the toys: the little purple ring that goes around the head of a cock, snug and tight, and vibrates. And of course, it has little bunny ears on it, to match Jinki's aesthetic. Jonghyun nods eagerly. That one is Taemin's favorite.

Then Jinki shows him another toy and he chokes on his own spit, he gasps so hard. This one is his favorite. It's the pink dilator, nice and big, like a dildo but hollow and open at the end so once he's all spread open Jinki can still fuck him raw. Jinki ordered this one custom specifically for him. It's extra big, almost 9 inches all the way around, and the perfectly pink bunny tail attached is positioned so it'll sit a few inches above his booty hole on his lower back instead of covering any of the goods.

Jonghyun is so excited to get at it that he barely even notices the smaller black one that Jinki brought for Taemin. This time, Jinki does tell him to stop along with the stern tap on his nose: "be patient, baby bun," he says. "You know it'll be in you soon enough." His words do little to calm Jonghyun; he wants it in him now . Jinki leans down to kiss his pout, soft and warm. "Hey," he says. "Hey. C’mere."

He pulls and Jonghyun follows, slinking up and over his lap. He forgot his pillow, but Taemin gives him one of his, pinching his nose gently after he settles it under his arms. Jonghyun wiggles his nose back, soft in his heart. Jinki trails his fingers down his back, feather light, until his grip turns into two firm little handfuls of booty. Jonghyun shivers, wishing Jinki would spank him but knowing that he's not going to. It makes Taemin pouty.

Instead, Jinki pulls cheeks apart and hums approvingly.

"You're already gaping this much and full of cum and you can't wait for more?" he asks. "Eager. You really are a little fuckbunny, can’t keep yourself calm for two minutes.” He bends over and spits directly into Jonghyun's asshole, following it and pushing it in with his finger not a second after. Jonghyun kicks his feet against the ground, twisting his fingers through his hair at the back of his head so he doesn't mess up his pretty ears.

Jinki keeps talking, lazy, just little things about how impatient Jonghyun is, what a little cumslut he is, how he deserves to be fucked non-stop all day since he clearly wants it so much, how easy he is to please. Jonghyun takes all over the compliments with pride, especially the last one. He knows he's easy. It's one of his favorite qualities about himself.

Taemin adds in his own bit, telling Jinki all about how needy he's been all day. How he didn't wait for Taemin to wake up earlier to ride his cock. How hard he came just from getting teased with a plug. He sells Jonghyun out with a smile on his face, cheek smushed up in one hand.

And every time he does, Jinki rewards him by doing something else with his fingers that makes Jonghyun whimper. He adds another one, he twists or spreads them apart, he stops playing around Jonghyun's prostate and starts rubbing it directly. Before long, Jonghyun is up to all 8 fingers and he is a happy, trembling mess, rocking his cock against Jinki's pant leg. Taemin is done with his food, but he seems content to just sit and watch. For now, at least. He holds Jonghyun's hand while Jinki plays with him. He taps their fingers together, he pinches the veins on the back of his hand, he rubs his thumbs into his palm in the tiniest massage.

At last, Jonghyun watches with shaky breath as Jinki pulls the dilator out of his bag. Finally finally finally. He takes his fingers out of Jonghyun's asshole and lets him suck on them two or three at a time, or, just hold them in his mouth, tasting them, because he's nowhere near coherent enough to actually clean them up properly. With his free hand he pushes the tip of the dilator into Jonghyun's hole, murmuring praises about how good he takes it.

"Hey, Jinx?" Taemin. His eyes, after a long look at Jonghyun's booty, slide over to Jinki's chest instead. "Are you, um. You got a corset on?" He grins. "Under your shirt? Maybe?" All of the hope in the world lives in his voice, in his little bean smile. Distracted though he is, Jonghyun still chuckles. Jinki does, too.

"No," he says, "I didn't lace myself up to come hang out with you two."

"Man." Taemin slumps, instantly grumpy. "Don't you have the zipper ones?" he asks.

"I do," Jinki admits. He's speaking so casually, even as he's pushing the toy deep into Jonghyun, as far as it'll go, stretching him wider than he's been since he last did horny stuff with Jinki, and then pushing the flared base against his rim. It stops just underneath his prostate, agonizingly close. If Jonghyun moves just right, he can get the most miniscule amount of stimulation out of it pressing against his walls, but it's not enough, not nearly enough. The only thing that keeps him from breaking down and begging for it to magically grow another inch is the knowledge that once Jinki starts fucking him he'll get what he wants. "I'll wear one next time," Jinki tells Taemin. "I didn't know you liked them so much."

"It's ‘cause he's a hetero," Jonghyun says into his pillow. "And the corset makes him feel the gender emotion–”

Jinki bursts out laughing; Taemin starts hissing fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you!

Jonghyun smiles to himself. Music to his ears, both of them. He loves that all it takes to get Taemin riled up is to say something that makes absolutely no sense but also hits home in a very personal way. He listens to them going back and forth teasing and whining, eyes closed, wiggling his booty slowly back and forth to match what Jinki is still doing with his hand. Even though the stimulation is teasing and soft, he can tell that if it keeps going, it'll quickly start to build up. He could cum like this. He really could.

And he does. After just a few more minutes, the pressure in his asshole, the warmth of Jinki petting his back and squishing his booty cheeks, the rough texture of Jinki's jeans against his cock, the comfort that hearing both of their voices in his ears brings him, all of it rises, swells, floods over him as an orgasm.

A gentle one, he would say. Small, cozy, just a little one that matches the mood of the moment, a little one that has him smiling and gasping into his pillow. He feels a little bad about nutting on Jinki's pants, but not too bad. He can wash them later.

"Now," Jinki says, and he says it the same way that Taemin says man . Jonghyun looks up at him, smiling shamelessly, blinking until he stops looking fuzzy. Jinki has his lips puffed up in a way that does almost nothing to hide his smile underneath. "You know I wanted to make you wait," he scolds.

"Should have been paying better attention," Jonghyun shrugs. Not his fault Jinki wasn't doing his job. Jinki huffs, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah, it's not his fault that you can't keep him in line," Taemin says snootily. Jonghyun beams at him. Hell yeah. Brat and gremlin solidarity. He holds his hand out; Taemin slaps a high-five on to it. Then he slaps his own knees and gets to his feet. "All right, well, anyway," he says. "I'm ready to get railed." He turns and dives onto the bed.

"I'm sure you are, jackrabbit," Jinki sighs. to Jonghyun, he says, "I'm not going to forget about this.”

Jonghyun sure hopes that he doesn't. He lets Jinki help him to his knees, lets him shush his squeaks and whimpers. Moving around with the dilator in him, especially after his orgasm, he feels so full, so stretched, but also so empty at the same time. It is a delicious contrast, one that confuses his body and makes him disoriented, needy. "Here, baby bun, here," Jinki whispers, holding him until he has his balance back. He kisses Jonghyun softly. "Are you going to help me open Taemin up? Hold him for me, keep him all nice and slick?"

Panting, Jonghyun nods his head. Yes, he'll help. Yes he'll hold his ass open, yes he’ll eat him out, yes he'll keep him nice and pretty and perfect. Jinki kisses him once more, a little bit of tongue this time, and helps him get to his feet and crawl onto the bed. Every step, every inch, moves the toy inside of him, makes his pulse throb, makes him almost regret going for that nut. Quickly he gets himself settled, breathing a sigh of relief once he's sitting on his heels to the right of Taemin.

Who has apparently decided that he wants to get his ass spread open on his back. He has his knees drawn up to his chest, his feet kicking in the air, and he taps his fingers against his thumbs like little claws, wiggling back and forth, making breathy little effort noises. To the untrained eye it might look like he's trying to be a baby, but Jonghyun knows exactly what he's doing. He glances at Jinki; he's still on the floor, rustling around in his bag. He'll be a minute. Jonghyun turns his attention back to Taemin, grinning.

"Oh no little flipped crab, you better watch out," he says threateningly. He holds his own hands up like talons, hovering them over Taemin's exposed tummy. "I'm a seagull and I'm going to come eat you."

“Noooo," Taemin wails. "Do not eviscerate me, I don't want to be a part of the food chain, nooooo.” He puts absolutely no emotion into his pleading, except for when he breaks character and grins, trying to slap Jonghyun away from clawing at his belly button.

"Once again, I would love to research whatever the fuck you two have going on," Jinki says. He's on the bed now, walking towards them on his knees, and he's shrugged off his jacket and taken his pants off. Whatever witty comeback about kinkshaming Jonghyun had stops in his throat, same as Taemin’s, because while Jinki might not be wearing a corset, he did opt-in for dark purple thigh highs and matching lacy underwear.

He's also pulled his light brown t-shirt down so it falls off of one shoulder, which is just. Unfair. Taemin swallows audibly. Jinki is obviously aware of the effect that he has on them; he smirks as he settles himself down between his ankles in front of Taemin. He puts one hand on each of Taemin's thighs, pushing them up, bending him in half. Licking his lips, Taemin holds himself open with his hands behind his knees, fingers digging into his own skin. Jonghyun wraps his arms around the leg closest to him, hugging it, leaning against it. His skin is hot and he's already trembling the tiniest bit from anticipation.

Jinki brought a handful of toys up with him: mostly some dildos, starting out small and then getting progressively bigger, so he can take his time and really draw out getting Taemin open, and then the final dilator ring for when he wants to fuck him. And then, of course, the little vibrating bunny ring. He holds it up on two fingers, showing Taemin, who whispers curses and starts nodding frantically, already begging, "please, yeah, yes, I want it."

Rubbing his thumbs into the creases of Taemin's thighs, Jinki glances at Jonghyun. He flicks his eyes down to Taemin's cock and then back up. "Get him hard for me," he says.

Hell yeah.

Ducking underneath Taemin's arm, Jonghyun fits himself between his legs. Jinki holds his cock for him and he slurps it up, sucking it down in a heartbeat. Which is about how long it takes Taemin to get hard. He was practically there already before he even got onto the bed. Jonghyun keeps sucking him anyway, wanting to taste him, his cum, to taste his own ass off of him. Jinki holds onto the back of his head, too, guiding him up and down, not letting him come off until he's drooling.

"Good bun, so good for me," Jinki praises then. He taps Jonghyun's nose gently, then pushes his fingers into Jonghyun's mouth while he’s still gasping for breath, collecting spit and precum on them. After he takes them out, he gives Jonghyun the little ring.

Biting his lip, excited, giddy to be given this privilege, Jonghyun eases the ring onto the head of Taemin's cock. He plays with it, teasing it just at the ridge without actually slipping it down onto the shaft, until Taemin whines. That's too much for Jonghyun. He's too soft. So he puts it on properly, slipping it over the head and then sliding it back up to be snug just underneath it. He twists it to make sure the little bunny ears, barely even a centimeter tall, face Taemin, and then he flips the switch to turn it on.

The second he does that, Jinki pushes his first finger into Taemin's asshole.

The noise that Taemin makes is nothing short of beautiful. It's not the whispered, rough curses that Jonghyun is used to when Taemin is fucking him. It's a low hum, musical, rising and falling with the hard grind of his hips to meet Jinki's hand. It's a shaky breath once his hips fall back down onto the mattress, audibly shuddering out of his lips. And then he's loud, vocal, telling Jinki that he wants more, telling Jinki exactly how he wants it. Demanding, almost, if he thought he could get away with being so.

This is one extra thing that Jonghyun loves about spending horny time with Taemin and Jinki together. With just the two of them, he never hears the noises that Taemin makes when he gets his asshole played with.

Well. Not never . Sometimes Jonghyun eats him out, or fingers him a little bit. Sometimes he works him open until he can fit an egg vibrator inside of him. But those are usually just times of foreplay, not exactly rushing through them, but not exactly spending time on them either. It's only with Jinki that Jonghyun really gets to hear him enjoy it.

Once Jinki has a rhythm going with his finger, he pinches Jonghyun's cheek and tells him he can start sucking again if he wants. Jonghyun definitely does. He slurps up the head of his cock happily. He doesn't go down any further; he stays up top, just giving Taemin little baby sucks, tiny kisses at his tip, teases of his tongue around the ridge. The cock ring vibrates against his lips, makes them all tingly. And he smiles at Jinki, hearts in his eyes, thanking him without words for coming over and hanging out with them today.

Every time Jinki adds more to Taemin's asshole, he pats Jonghyun off of his cock. He wants Taemin to fully focus on the feeling of being stretched open, Jonghyun knows, so he doesn't protest. Instead, he leans his cheek against Taemin's inner thigh, sucking on Jinki's fingers when he's offered, spitting into Taemin's hole at every chance that he's given, watching Jinki work with bitten lips.

It's almost like magic, the way Jinki plays Taemin to draw out so many different reactions. Comfortable with Jonghyun holding onto his right leg, Taemin has been trailing his fingers up and down Jonghyun's back, squishing his booty, ghosting his fingers inside of his hole every now and again, but the moment that Jinki puts a second finger inside of him, Jonghyun feels his nails digging into his skin. A third finger, a twist of Jinki's wrist upwards, flexing in the veins and tendons underneath his palm, and fat drops of precum start oozing onto Jonghyun's tongue. A thumb pressed into his taint, nudging his balls, and he grunts through his teeth.

The first smooth lavender dildo is a small one, 4-inch circumference and length, barely wider than Jinki's three fingers. Still, when Jinki slides it into him nice and slow, Taemin loses his grip on his left leg. He grabs it back to himself quickly enough, but he loses it again after a few minutes of Jinki's smooth tongue casually speaking filth into the room like they’re still talking about their weeks over a pile of fries. Jinki tells Taemin how easily his asshole is opening up, how he's barely having to try, how his asshole is remembering the last time Jinki trained it open over a month ago, how Taemin is be so eager to get fucked that his body must be made for it.

After Taemin loses his grip on his leg the second time, he just lets its fall, hooking it over Jinki's shoulder. Jinki scoots closer to accommodate and Jonghyun does not miss the smirk playing over his mouth. In fact, it's so cute that Jonghyun has to lean over and try to kiss it. Jinki lets him, but he keeps it chaste, shallow. Jonghyun tries his best not to be disappointed. He knows Jinki likes to focus as much as he likes his bottom to focus.

Jinki takes Taemin up a half an inch at a time. Each time he puts a bigger toy into his asshole, he fucks in with it a different way. Slow and smooth, deep and hard, paying extra attention to his prostate, so fast that Taemin loses his breath for a minute. After that one specifically, the five and a half inch one, Taemin, gasping for breath, frantically touches all over Jonghyun's side, up to his shoulder, down his arm, looking for his hand. Jonghyun gives it to him after a few moments. He didn't notice at first; every time Jinki puts a new toy inside of Taemin, he pushes the former one into Jonghyun's mouth, fucking his throat with it the same way he just did Taemin's asshole. It's a little distracting.

For a moment, Jonghyun wonders where Jinki got so good at multitasking. Then the moment ends and Jonghyun is entirely focused instead on the fact that Jinki is finally picking up Taemin's dilator. Just like Jonghyun's with a fluffy bunny tail attached, but black, and 6 instead of 9 inches. Taemin has gone bigger before, but he didn't like it as much. He likes when he's spread just wide enough for Jinki's cock to fit inside the ring.

Jonghyun is a mess by now; dripping his own spit and drool, Taemin's precum, his own cock leaking puddles on to the sheets, trembling and shaking just from watching. He is entirely certain that if he wasn't on his eighth nut of the day, he could have came from just watching.

But he is, and he doesn't, and Jinki is slowing things down a little bit right now anyway. He always does when he gets to the dilator. It's his favorite part, of course. He just gives Jonghyun the final dildo, letting him suck on it at his own pace. Jonghyun starts, but then, he thinks, Taemin deserves a little something special. He hasn't had his mouth played with this entire time and Jonghyun knows that he does like it, a little bit.

He sets Taemin's leg down gently and slides at the bed to his head, smiling down at him, messy hair, bitten lips, his flushed cheeks. He looks absolutely ravished and absolutely adorable. Taemin blinks up at him with hazy eyes, his pupils so wide, such a faraway look in them, and he squeezes Jonghyun's hand.

"Hi pretty," he says. Jonghyun flushes; he's easy romantically as well as sexually. "Jinki, come on," he adds, and then he hisses, pressing his head back against the pillows, humming again from his throat. Glancing down, Jonghyun finds Jinki kissing Taemin's hole, gently, lapping at his open rim. Of course. Of course Jinki can't resist just looking for a minute, just admiring, just loving.

Jonghyun taps the tip of the dildo against Taemin's bottom lip to distract him while Jinki takes his time. Obediently, Taemin sucks it in, tasting himself on it, groaning softly around it. He can't deepthroat it like Jonghyun can; Jonghyun gives him just the first inch or two, pushing it against his cheeks, rubbing it on his tongue, taking it out and rolling it against his lips. Taemin watches him as he drags his tongue up the sides, not exactly needy, but still hopeful, hopeful that Jonghyun thinks he looks good.

Of course Jonghyun thinks he looks good, always, especially when Jinki finally presses the tip of the dilator to his hole and pushes in. His eyes scrunch shut, he bites a smile, he says, "fuck, there you go, god I wish these things were longer.”

"If I used the longer ones, I couldn't still fuck you," Jinki hums disapprovingly. Jonghyun points at him, nodding. That is a good point. He will very much sacrifice only having the first inch or two of his booty hole held open if it means that Jinki can fuck his cock into the rest of him and he'll still be nice and tight. He knows that's why Jinki likes it so much, also. He just likes looking at a nice gaped rim but he doesn't need it to go super far. "And I also couldn't do this," Jinki adds.

With the toy all the way inside of Taemin, he slips two fingers back in, and from the way Taemin squeezes his hand and thumps his fist against his own forehead, Jonghyun knows that Jinki is playing with his prostate again.

"Okay okay okay, you're right, okay," Taemin says. "Oh my god.”

Smug, Jinki takes his fingers out. He wiggles his eyebrows at Jonghyun as he wipes them on the sheets, then sits up straight. Patting his hands back and forth on Taemin's thighs, he smiles, "okie dokie. Up you get. On your knees." and while Taemin is catching his breath again, running his hands through his hair, struggling to turn over, Jinki arches one eyebrow towards Jonghyun. "You too," he says.

Jonghyun obeys in an instant. He'd been getting impatient not being the center of attention, or at least, not sharing the spotlight. Now it's time for both he and Taemin to have some fun together.

Before he gets settled on his knees, he grabs a few extra pillows from the corner and puts them underneath Taemin’s tummy. Just for a little extra stability. He gets real baby and wobbly when he gets fucked. Jonghyun wouldn't put it passed him to just straight-up collapse if Jinki treats him well enough. He's done it before.

Side by side with Taemin, pressed together knee to hip, shoulder to elbow, pillow tucked comfortably under his chin, he's surprised with a kiss on his cheek. Taemin meets him with a smile when he turns, blushing, and kisses his nose. Blushing harder, Jonghyun whispers, "oh my gosh." What the fuck. That's so soft and nice. He kisses Taemin's nose back, and then Taemin kisses his other cheek, and then he kisses Taemin's bottom lip. They trade little smooches, smiling, giggling, finding each other's hands and intertwining their fingers.

"Hey," Jinki says behind them. Jonghyun can feel him getting settled, the weight of his knees, the touch of his fingertips at his lower back. "You two being gay up there?" he asks, voice a smile.

"Hell yeah," he says, and "fuck yeah,” Taemin says.

"Hell fuck yeah," Jinki repeats playfully. "Check this out." With a hand on Jonghyun's right booty cheek to hold his weight, he leans over the pair of them and rests his phone against the headboard in front of them. He kisses each of their temples and fixes their bunny ears to be straight in turn before he straightens back up.

And that was such a simple, casual fucking thing to do compared to what he's shown them on his phone.

It's them. A picture of them, from behind, side by side. Bunny ears, bunny tails, assholes spread open. Taemin groans "oh my fucking god" and Jonghyun has to agree. They look so fucking good. He gets why Jinki loves opening them up so much. They look so eager, so ready, like perfect little fucktoys waiting to be filled. And below, both of them have gotten so worked up without nutting that their balls look so heavy, so full, above their hard cocks. The picture actually caught a drop of precum spilling out of Taemin’s, thick and creamy. Jonghyun wishes he could lick the screen, lick it up, taste it on his tongue and swallow it down.

Even more, he wishes he could eat himself out, lap up and swallow the cum leaking out of his hole and down his cock, move up and lick up all of the cum that still covers his back from before. Yes to be horny for himself, but it's so gorgeous on his skin. He's so hot.

Jinki's hand smooths over his booty, down to his hole, slips two fingers inside. Jonghyun whimpers softly, so sensitive, so close. Taemin's shiver next to him tells him that Jinki is fingering him, too. Deciding which one to fuck first. Jonghyun arches his back more, trying to look more ready, more fuckable.

Taemin struggles to put more of his weight on his left arm, leaning into Jonghyun. With his right hand, he reaches forward and touches the picture. Jonghyun, expecting him to zoom in, maybe, is confused when he scrolls. Until he realizes that it's not just a picture. It's a tweet.

Hanging out with some friends today!!!, the tweet says before an entire line of bunny and peach and heart emojis. And underneath it, Jonghyun forgets how to breathe for a moment, there are 50 likes and counting. 20 retweets. 21, 22, the number changes before his eyes. And the replies: "gorgeous," "god I wish that was me dot meme," "perfect little fuckbunnies!! I'm jealous," "I can't choose D:," "the one on the left is already full of cum good to see that they know what they're made for."

The one on the left. That's Jonghyun. That's him. His heart pounds and his cock throbs. His patience cracks and so does his voice when he says, "Jinki?" He looks over his shoulder, but only for a second, only to make sure Jinki is paying attention. "Jinki," he says, looking back to the tweet. 70 likes. "Fuck me, fuck me please, I want it, I need it, Jinki, please–"

And then Jinki is fucking him. Not particularly hard, or fast, but he fucks in deep . He fucks in way past the dilator, until he's all the way in each time. Their skin smacks together with each push and Jonghyun’s squeak of surprise quickly turns into a growl of pleasure. He twists his fingers through his hair, pulling on it, biting his lip, smiling as his eyelids flutter. Jinki leans over him, palms on his shoulders, holding him, pressing him down, and Jonghyun sees hearts. There they go. Like every time, this was worth the wait.

And it's worth the wait that it's going to continue being as Jinki drags it out for as long as he wants. That's the thing about the dilator; Jonghyun gets the feeling of being spread wide, left gaping open, the constant pressure on his prostate, and the satisfaction of Jinki being so fucking deep inside of him, but he also loses the sensation of push and pull against his sensitive rim. It's a fair trade, but it is a close fair, very close, because feeling that stretch and pressure on one of his most sensitive areas is always his favorite part. Without it, he's not nearly as quick to cum as he usually is.

Which suits Jinki just fine. He loves taking his time, building them up, and he does it from little passive things like fucking Jonghyun with the dilator in to heavy, obvious things like when he suddenly stops and pulls out with no warning a minute after he starts.

Jonghyun can't even complain about it. He can't complain about Jinki switching over to Taemin, fucking him fast and rough the way he likes, smiling out his dirty talk while Taemin whimpers and slaps his hand against the pillows. Taemin's eyebrows are all scrunched, his lower lip jutted out a pout, his cheek smushed against the pillow, his eyes big and watery as he holds onto Jonghyun's hand like it's the only thing in the world. He's going into baby mode real easy today, not even trying to keep himself together, just letting Jinki ruin him right from the start. How is Jonghyun supposed to be upset about that?

He can't complain, but he can look over his shoulder in the hopes that he'll catch Jinki's eye. He can wiggle his booty invitingly, reminding Jinki that it's there. He can scroll down on the tweet himself and read all of the comments about Taemin out loud to him, kissing his cheeks between each one, and hope that Jinki decides Taemin is getting too close to cumming and switches back.

For his efforts, he gets Jinki rolling his eyes, slapping his booty cheek, and a firm reprimand: "be patient, baby bun."

So maybe he wasn't as slick as he thought he was being. He sighs, resigned. He sways his booty more, just because he wants to. Because maybe it'll make Jinki reconsider. "Be patient for how long?" he grumbles. Patience isn't his strong suit. "I want your cum, Jinki, I want you to fill me up, I want you to make me yours–" Jinki spanks him again–not nearly hard enough for him to enjoy it, but definitely loud enough for Taemin to whine about it–and pushes his fingers into his hole. Jonghyun giggles, not entirely guilty. It was worth a shot. And it did, at least, get him the fingers. With his other hand, Jinki reaches for his phone and picks it up.

"Lets see," he hums. He types around for a minute. "If anyone thinks you deserve it." He puts the phone back down in front of them. He's replied to his own tweet with a poll: which one should get my cum??

The two options are just a pink heart emoji and a black heart emoji. The time limit is set for 15 minutes.

Absolutely unfair. Like, Jonghyun realizes that this is probably the most fair and unbiased way, but also. Absolutely unfair. How is he supposed to get a load dumped into his ass if he can't manipulate Jinki into giving it to him by being cute?

Taemin, silent this whole time, reaches for the phone. His hand jerks every time Jinki fucks into him on top of already being shaky, but he slowly, determinedly, points one finger at the poll and pokes the black heart emoji.

"Hey!" Jonghyun shouts. Now that actually isn't fair. With Taemin's vote, the poll jumps up to its current position: Jonghyun at 53, Taemin at 42. Jonghyun is relieved that he's winning already, but still. "Fucked up," he grumbles.

"All right, well," Jinki says. The words are half laughter. Taemin, already grinning, extremely proud of himself, starts laughing too. Jonghyun finds out why when, a moment later, Jinki is holding onto his booty and pushing his cock back into him instead. He laughs himself, a little chuckle, before he settles back into the deliciousness of getting fucked. He guesses he doesn't mind. One vote against him is worth this.

The poll says 15 minutes, but it feels like 50. Jonghyun started out in the lead, but Taemin quickly catches up and passes him. Jonghyun gains that lead back a couple minutes later, but again, Taemin is right on his heels. It's tense, a heated competition, and it doesn't help at all that every time one of them takes the lead by more than 10 votes, Jinki switches back to fucking that one instead.

The replies, too: "pink bunny already got a load, they don't need another one,” "the one on the right needs the extra help to stretch them out wider," "tell us where you are so we can all come over and fill the winner up until they're overflowing," "give it to pretty pink!! They look like they deserve the world,” "fill me up instead bunbun <3”

The last one is a little off topic, but Jonghyun can't say that he blames them.

What he can say is, "no gosh what the fuck dammit no shit fuck are you serious fuck fuck gosh oh my gosh," when, after 15 minutes, the poll ends and they get a look at the final score. Him, 287. Taemin, 304. "Homophobic," he pouts. He cannot believe.

"Actually, I think this is a landmark victory for the queers," Taemin says. "The people have spoken and they think a nice twink deserves to get flooded with cum even if he can't fit a water bottle inside of his asshole, and I for one think that–”

"Jinki, just fuck him already, make him shut up," Jonghyun snaps.

"Grumpy grumpy," Taemin grins. "Maybe you should–oh. Oh, oof. God, just like that. More." His voice turns into a pout halfway through as Jinki salutes Jonghyun and then starts fucking him deeper, harder, better. Jonghyun smiles. He likes this Taemin much better. Jinki puts his hands on either side of Taemin's head, holding his weight, giving him a better angle. To Jonghyun, he says, "don't be bitter."

"Please," Jonghyun says. He pinches Taemin's cheeks, kisses between his eyes. "I'm already over it." He loves watching Taemin get fucked, and now he can actually focus on it. And besides. No one said that he can't hop on Jinki's cock as soon as he's done with Taemin. He struggles himself into sitting up straight, on his heels, so he can rub Taemin's shoulders, smooth his hands over his back, and hold his booty open better for Jinki. He even fits one hand around under him to jerk him off nice and slow.

It absolutely knocks Taemin out, just like he knew it would. Taemin can barely handle the stimulation of being fucked alone, let alone having Jinki doing his best, let alone having any extra attention paid to him while it's happening. He's falling apart within minutes, panting, whining, banging his little fist on the mattress, cumming.

It's always so fun to watch Taemin cum, especially when someone else is making him do it. Jonghyun gets to really focus on the scrunch between his eyebrows, the puff of his lips, the rough noise that comes from his throat. And he gets to watch after, when the orgasm ends but his aftershocks are still strong and Jinki keeps fucking him.

That's always Jonghyun's favorite part. When Jinki keeps using Taemin as he gets more and more desperate, more and more overwhelmed. He doesn't get like this when he tops. Whenever he tops the orgasms are hard and fast and he winds down quickly. But now, with Jinki hovering over him, he is absolutely, inconsolably, out of his fucking brain with pleasure.

Jonghyun tries to console him anyway. For funsies. He pets him, he shushes him, he gives Taemin his cummy fingers to suck on, knowing all the while that nothing is going to work.

Taemin collapses. Just like Jonghyun predicted at the start. His shoulders give out, chest colliding with the mattress, his hips falling at the same time until the only thing keeping his ass propped up is all of the pillows Jonghyun put under him earlier. Jinki follows him, pushes him down further, fucks him with the pressure of his entire body. His purple bunny ears are somehow still perfectly positioned on his head, bouncing with every thrust.

"That's right, jackrabbit, nice and tight for me," Jinki smiles against his ear, kisses against his temple. "Is it too much?" he asks, innocently concerned. "Do you want me to stop?"

Of course, Taemin shakes his head violently, getting his hair all tangled up against the pillows, whimpering out little no's and please don't stop's. So of course, Jinki pulls on his hair and fucks him harder. And he keeps running his mouth, "no, you don't, do you? You never want me to stop, you can never get enough, always eager, always open, when I'm done you want someone else to take my place, you want a line out the door...."

There's never been a time that Jonghyun hasn't been amazed with Jinki's skill in bed. The self-control he has, the breath control, the knowledge of what exactly needs to be said exactly when, the focus, the ability to always put his partner first and foremost even when he's falling over his own edge. Just like always, Jinki is so good, treating Taemin so well, that Jonghyun doesn't even notice he's cumming until Taemin chokes on his own breath about it.

Taemin squeaks; barely, a tiny little noise that nevertheless escapes from his throat, and then he's twitching, his entire body shuddering, a smile cracking his whole face open until he's pushing his whole face into the pillow. And even then, even though Jonghyun knows that Taemin only ever does that if Jinki cums inside of him, Jonghyun still can't see the evidence of an orgasm on Jinki's face.

He only believes it when Jinki finally straightens up, gently pulling his cock out of Taemin, and his cum drips out of both of them. Jonghyun licks his lips. He looks between Jinki's cock to Taemin. Taemin pants, chest heaving, face still in the pillow. He's bringing his hands up to wiggle in between his head and the pillow so he can breathe into them instead. Occupied.

Jonghyun starts forward towards Jinki, turns back, hugs Taemin around the shoulders and kisses his cheek. Turns forward again, smiling, and crawls in front of Jinki. He doesn't bother asking if he can suck his cock. He just does it, leans down, catches the tip in his mouth, bobs his head slowly, savors the taste on his tongue. Jinki is breathing in and out towards the ceiling, hands laced behind his neck. Chuckling, he looks down, reaches down and fixes Jonghyun's bunny ears before he pets his bangs.

He doesn't speak; it always takes a minute or two after he nuts to get his voice back. At least that's something that affects him , Jonghyun thinks to himself as he gets comfortable in front of Jinki. On his knees, leaning way forward, hugging him around his hips. From this position he can swallow Jinki no problem. He takes him all the way to the back of his throat and farther, tracing the veins on the underside of his cock with his tongue. Really, he's less cleaning him up and more just tasting him, feeling him, for himself, because he wants to, because he loves to.

He pulls off to pay special attention to the head, wanting to rub his tongue over the ridge, suckle on the hole, and as he does, he realizes that Jinki went for the pull the cock over the elastic move instead of pushing his pretty purple panties down. There's a smudge of cum on them now, white stark against the violet lace covering his balls. Well. They can't have that. It might stain.

He kisses his way down to it, laps at it, sucks Jinki's balls into his mouth through the fabric. It's scratchy against his lips, making them all tingly, sending those tingles throughout his entire body. He's still so hard he can feel his pulse in his fingertips, so empty that he feels like he's not even a complete human.

"Jinki," he breathes. "Jinki, can I ride you? You promised, you said I could, let me ride you."

"I did say that," Jinki says agreeably. He yawns into his shoulder and leans back until he's plopping down onto his booty, sitting in the middle of the bed. He crosses his legs, then beckons Jonghyun forward to his lap. "C’mere, baby bun," he smiles. "Come keep me warm."

"Well, if you're so needy, I guess I'll have to," Jonghyun sighs. Leaving Taemin snorting into his hands behind him, he climbs into Jinki's lap, takes a hold of his cock, and sits himself down on it. It's easier than ever to get Jinki's entire cock inside of him, just a simple slip down, an easier rearrangement of his legs to be on either side of his hips. Once he's there, comfortable and snug, Jinki taps his nose hard.

"Brat," he scolds. Jonghyun beams at him, completely shameless.

"Thank you,” he chirps. Jinki rolls his eyes, and instead of scolding further, kisses Jonghyun.

Which distracts him quite completely. He groans quietly into Jinki's mouth. Kissing Jinki is always so soft. There's so much give to his lips, like kissing powder. It's so easy for Jonghyun to get lost in it, to forget where he is. To forget when he is. When he's kissing Jinki, he never knows if it's been seconds or minutes, hours even.

Slowly, Jinki leans back on his hands, and just as slowly, Jonghyun follows him. It's an unconscious movement, an instinct to follow his mouth. It's only once Jinki is steady and puts a hand on his hip that Jonghyun remembers he wanted to actually ride Jinki, not just be on his dick.

Except, now, he's so comfortable, so deep into this kiss, that he doesn't feel like it anymore. Instead, he just rolls his hips, grinding back and forth, gasping into Jinki's mouth every time the angle changes to put a better pressure on his prostate. Jinki has one of those cocks that takes a while to calm down after an orgasm, so he’s still hard, and if Jonghyun plays it right, he won't even go soft at all before he's ready for round two. Maybe Jonghyun will even get his own nut in before that and then he'll get to get absolutely wrecked by Jinki while he's all oversensitive and tired.

Maybe not, because small, warm hands touch his back, slide around his middle, and wrap around his waist. Taemin kisses all over his shoulders and neck. For a moment, just a moment, Jinki breaks the kiss with Jonghyun to press his mouth to Taemin's. Then, chuckling, teasing Jonghyun for his whines and his little grabby hands, Jinki continues where they left off.

Taemin feels Jonghyun up slowly, lovingly, as always. His little hand creeps down, squishes the booty, plays with the dilator, slips two fingers into Jonghyun's hole. They fit in so easily with the dilator, even passed it, snug next to Jinki's cock, pressing against his walls. Taemin can't get to his prostate from his angle, though–he tries, reaching with his little fingers, twisting his wrist, even taking his hand out and trying again from the front. Eventually, he's whining with impatience, frustration, and so is Jonghyun. He wants it, he wants the pressure, pinpoint and direct, bringing him to another orgasm, and both of them don't know what to do about it. Jinki, of course, is content to let them squirm.

"What, baby bun, jackrabbit?" he asks, smiling against Jonghyun's mouth. Jonghyun whines louder. He knows what . "What do you want?" Jinki asks again. He holds Jonghyun still, pulls him close, so close, his cock pushing huge millimeters deeper into him, speaks against his cheek. "Do you want to get fucked?" to Jonghyun, "and what about you? do you want to get fucked again, too?" to Taemin.

Jonghyun knows his answer. He whispers it, "yes yes yes, please," into Jinki's hair. Taemin doesn't seem too sure.

"I," he says. He swallows. "I want." He grinds his hips forward, his newest boner pressing up against Jonghyun's lower back.

"You want to fuck him?" Jinki asks. "Or you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes," Taemin says, "wait, I mean. No. I mean. I don't know." His voice cracks. It's not fair, asking him questions, making him think, when he's like this. Jonghyun almost feels bad for him. "I want," he says, "please," he's so fucking adorable, "I want you two."

"Well," Jinki says pleasantly. "You heard him. On your back." Without even giving Jonghyun time to process, Jinki is picking him up and tossing him gently onto the pillows.

He lands with an oof, stars in his eyes at the head rush, and barely gathers himself together enough to watch Jinki gently guiding an equally dazed Taemin between his legs. He's murmuring something into Taemin's ear, something low and smooth, something that makes Taemin's hands tremble harder than usual as he picks Jonghyun's legs up by the backs of his knees.

He pushes Jonghyun's legs up, and up and up and up, until his knees are hovering by his head. Jinki pushes him closer, on top of Jonghyun, so his legs hook over both of his shoulders. And then closer, so Taemin has to hold himself up with his forearms on either side of Jonghyun's head, so they're breathing the same air, so Jonghyun reaches up and tangles his fingers in his hair and kisses him.

Jinki reaches around and jerks Taemin off. Jonghyun can feel it, the shift of his arm against his leg, the brush of his knuckles. Jinki lines Taemin's cock up to Jonghyun's asshole and pushes him inside. And Taemin doesn't fill him up the the way Jinki does, especially with the dilator, but Jonghyun can still feel every inch, every millimeter of his asshole getting stretched open, fucked deep. He still exhales hard, shivering when their hips connect, to try even though he can barely move to rise up to meet Taemin, to get him as deep as he can get him.

"Well?" Jinki hums, fluffing the hair at the back of Taemin's head. "Aren't you going to fuck him?"

Taemin tries. Jonghyun can at least say that for him. Taemin grits his teeth, tries to steady his breathing, picks himself up and fucks back down. He's slow on the rise up, trembling, and he slams back down hard and deep, but Jonghyun is certain that that's not entirely on purpose and is probably a lot more to do with how he can't control lowering his own weight anymore. He gives up on kissing and just buries his face in Jonghyun's neck, cursing breathlessly.

Jonghyun can't help but smile. He's so enamored, he's so in love. He loves a little baby boy that falls apart the second that he gets fucked one time. Jinki, behind Taemin, above both of them, smirks back down at him. Jonghyun bets that he is very proud of himself, and he bets that whatever he's doing back there between his and Taemin's bodies is doing nothing at all to help Taemin regain coherency. Jonghyun would bet any amount of money that Jinki has his fingers inside of Taemin, just at his entrance, just barely teasing him every time he pulls back. His fingers or his cock.

No, scratch that. Definitely his fingers. Definitely those, because after another minute of Taemin struggling, the loud groan and sharp teeth in Jonghyun's neck, not to mention the heavy increase of weight on top of him, is definitely because Jinki switched to his cock instead. Switched to his cock and fucked himself all the way in, as deep as he could go, deep enough to push Taemin's cock further inside of Jonghyun.

"Oof, ooh," Jonghyun hisses, pleased beyond compare at all of the pressure. He does love being squished, and being squished while getting fucked? Absolute bliss. Keeping one arm around Taemin's shoulders, he slides his other hand down to Jinki's on his waist. "Go easy on him," he says, circling his fingers around Jinki's wrist. He's getting real close to being overwhelmed in a bad way.

"Fuck you," Taemin snaps into his neck. He rocks his hips as much as he can, grinding stubbornly between them. "I can take it.” Again, his voice cracks. He raises it, like being louder will make them forget that it happened. “Go hard on me.” Jonghyun rolls his eyes. Absolute gremlin.

"Don't worry, jackrabbit, I will," Jinki says, and when Jonghyun opens his mouth, scandalized, silently shakes his head no. "I'll go medium ," he mouths. Jonghyun hesitates for a moment, and then he shrugs. Yeah, sure. Taemin can take it. And if he can't, it'll be hot.

Taemin keeps up for the first minute. Jinki pulls back, he pulls back, he fucks into Jonghyun, he pulls backs, Jinki fucks into him. They repeat that, settling into a rhythm, and Taemin keeps up. Almost. He's sloppy, shaking, his hands trembling so hard Jonghyun can feel it against his head. And Jinki starts going harder, faster, picking up the pace for him, ramping up steadily even as he quickly falls behind.

Honestly, Jonghyun is impressed with how long he lasts before he just straight-up gives up. He thought his favorite bub would last maybe 5 thrusts, 6 or 7 if he was lucky, but he manages almost three whole entire minutes before he drops all of his weight onto Jonghyun. He hugs Jonghyun around the head, one hand gripping in his hair, the other holding on to his bunny ear headband, and moans into his neck as Jinki starts actually putting in effort.

Jinki fucks him medium hard, Jonghyun would say, bordering on hard, but Taemin sounds so fucking beautiful as he does it that Jonghyun can't make himself reprimand. He kisses Taemin instead, his hair, his cheek, and watches Jinki work. Jonghyun isn't usually an eye contact babe, but there's always something, something about Jinki's eyes, his gaze, that makes it so much fucking hotter to lock eyes with him while he's having sex.

Jonghyun thinks its determination. It's impossible not to think Jinki is extra good when he's putting in so much effort both of them feel so good.

Both of them , because while Taemin is stationary inside of him, it still feels like he's getting fucked, Jinki pushing Taemin into him, giving him the pressure, the motion, the rhythm. It's almost like Jinki is fucking him with Taemin, or through Taemin, fucking both of them at once.

Jonghyun was close even before he sat down on Jinki's cock all of that time ago and now, after everything, he's almost dizzy with the need for release. He knows that Jinki is getting close as well; for all of his stamina, all of his control, nothing gets him closer to cumming then having the two of them underneath him. Jonghyun also knows that Taemin is very very close to absolutely dissolving and if they put him through much more he's going to start having a bad time. These are three facts, that, when put together, lead Jonghyun to one conclusion:

"Jinki," he breathes. "Jinki, cum in me, please, give it to me, he can't take it, I can, please, honey bunny, please–"

"Baby bun." Jinki says the words pleasantly enough, patiently enough, smiling at him with his head tilted. Still, Jonghyun swears he can feel frost in the air all of a sudden. Without breaking his stride, Jinki puts one hand gently around his neck. Jonghyun's eyes widen. Instantly he knows that he's in trouble, but his smile widens, too.

When Taemin puts his hand around Jonghyun's neck, it's for the pressure, the implication. It's for Jonghyun's imagination. He doesn't know how to actually choke anyone, wouldn't ever even try.

But Jinki does know. For real. He's taken the classes. He knows the anatomy, he knows the science, he knows the risks, he knows the technique. So just his simple action of putting his hand in position has Jonghyun getting light-headed with anticipation.

"Remind me again," Jinki says, "how many times you said Taemin came in you already today?"

"Six," Jonghyun whispers.

"Six," Jinki repeats. "And how many times has Taemin gotten today?"

Jonghyun holds up one finger, blushing with shame. Jinki smiles wider, his eyes colder. He squeezes Jonghyun's neck, his thumb and his middle finger, putting pressure on his arteries. Jonghyun holds onto his wrist, swallowing hard. He breathes quickly, his body already registering the lack of oxygen, already speeding up his heart rate.

"And now you want more." Jinki holds his gaze, watching him, counting the seconds in his head. Jonghyun has never known what he counts to. Every time, it feels like the most wonderful forever. "Only for yourself, never wanting to share," Jinki says mildly. Jonghyun nods, blinking hard. Jinki can control his smile, but he can't control the fondness that shadows behind his eyes. Jonghyun still sees it. "Greedy," Jinki says. And he lets go.

And Jonghyun cums.

It's the rush, the head rush, blood and oxygen flowing back into his brain, the hormones that gush out following it. The dopamine, serotonin, all of the endorphins rushing through his bloodstream, making his vision brighten to neon, then fuzz out to white.

All of this happens in seconds, he knows, because he knows that it can't be more than seconds after it that Taemin cums as well. He tenses up, grinding out rough, slow curses, and pulls Jonghyun's hair so hard he sees stars in his returning vision. Jinki fucked him down and then held him down, all the way, so he cums as deep inside of Jonghyun as possible. Jonghyun can feel it flooding him and leaking out, gorgeous, perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Both of them.

"I can't, I can't, I can't I can't I can't," Taemin is breathing, Taemin is whimpering, Taemin is shaking his head back and forth. Dizzy and lost as he is, Jonghyun flaps a weak hand at Jinki. Shooing him, waving him away.

He can only assume that Jinki obeyed, because Taemin is sliding off of him soon after. Well, half off of him. He slips out of Jonghyun's asshole, slides down his body, hugs him around the chest, and breathes hard into his stomach. "Oh my god, oh my god," he's whispering. Even his bunny ears are twitching.

"You two okay, little bunnies?" A weight by his head, a hand in his hair; Jonghyun blinks Jinki into focus. He's petting Taemin too, and Taemin is nodding, still out of breath. Jonghyun takes a moment to remember what nodding means, and then does it himself. He's okay. He's more than okay. He's fantastic. "Yeah?" Jinki asks. His smile is all raised eyebrowed skepticism. He touches Jonghyun's throat, lightly, asks the question again. Jonghyun holds onto his wrist with both hands. He nods again, smiling. He's definitely okay. And now, Jinki's smile is all warmth, all sunshine, all overflowing Jonghyun's heart. He blushes and puts his face into his hands. Gosh.

Jinki just keeps petting him. Both of them, quietly, happily. He fixes their bangs, ruffles their undercuts, tickles under their chins and snatches his hands back when they both instinctively bite at his fingers. He goes back to petting them.

It's very soothing. Jinki is very good at it. He probably took a class on how to do this, too. How to pet your sub and his sub adjacent boyfriend. There's probably classes about that. Aftercare. That's what it's called. Aftercare classes. He probably took some of those. Jonghyun starts giggling. He's loopy, giddy, bubbly with orgasms and love, and the concept of an aftercare class is the funniest thing he's ever heard of.

The giggles overtake him very soon, until he's just laughing, loud into his hands, and then into the room when he covers his eyes instead of his mouth. And then Jinki is laughing, probably because he's confused, and Taemin is laughing, probably because he's in love.

The other two settle down, and then, eventually, so does Jonghyun. He breathes slowly until he stops laughing out each breath, until he can just smile, close his eyes, crack them open sleepily towards Jinki. He drops one hand to hold Taemin around the back of his neck, and with his other, he touches Jinki's knee.

"Did you nut, by the way?" he asks. He never checked to see. Against his tummy, Taemin shakes his head, and then a moment later, so does Jinki.

"Nope," he shrugs. "I could tell jackrabbit couldn't handle it."

"Could too," Taemin grumps into Jonghyun's belly button. Both of them ignore him. No he couldn't.

"Do you want to?" Jonghyun asks, smiling helpfully. He trails his finger around Jinki's knee, down his leg, playing with the hem of his thigh high. "I could, you know." He licks his lips, pushing his tongue against the corner of his mouth. He ticks his eyebrows up and down. "If you wanted."

"Once again," Jinki says, dropping his cheek in his hand so it squishes up. "Greedy." He pinches Jonghyun's nose softly, pinches his lips even softer when he pouts. "You've had six whole nuts all to yourself today, no, actually, seven now, and you still want–"

"No, let him have it," Taemin says. He's pouting too, but it's defiant, commanding. His eyebrows are furrowed at Jinki when Jonghyun glances down. His fingers curl into his sides defensively. "He's cute and he deserves it."

"Yeah, see?" Jonghyun says. He ruffles Taemin's hair and bends down to smooch the top of his head in front of his bunny ears. He knew Taemin was the love of his life for a reason. He turns back to meet Jinki's eyeroll with his own smug smirk. Jinki can try to deny him all day long, but he always gets what he wants in the end. It's the universally accepted truth.

And Jinki knows, because after just a moment, he sighs, rolls his eyes again, and shrugs.

"Sure, baby bun," he says. He gets to his knees, and there's his cock, still hard, still slick and wet, still perfect. "Sure. Whatever you want." His smile is threatening to burst Jonghyun's heart again, so Jonghyun distracts himself by grabbing his cock and sucking it into his mouth.

He doesn't exactly put a whole lot of effort into it. He's still tired out from his orgasm, and extra cozy on top of that. He knows Jinki doesn't mind. All Jonghyun has to do is enjoy the taste on his tongue. Cum and sweat and booty juice and, underneath it all, and the taste of Jinki, strong and pure on his taste buds. Jonghyun takes a moment just to smile up at Jinki, just to remind him how cute he is, in case he forgot in the last minute or so.

Jinki pinches his cheek.

Pleased pink, Jonghyun lets his eyes slide shut. He tugs a little bit on Jinki's hip, telling him he can fuck his mouth if he wants. Jinki does, slowly, gently, just fucking the head of his cock past his tongue. It's a lazy, languid movement, a slow pressure on his tongue and against his lips. Jonghyun hums happily.

When he does, Jinki exhales slowly, a noise of pleasure. Carefully, he swings his leg over Jonghyun's chest and gets comfortable in front of him. Holding his head in both hands, he fucks his mouth more intently, more evenly, more focused on his own pleasure. Jonghyun keeps humming since he likes it so much, happy to have his mouth used however Jinki wants to use it. He holds on to his hips, fingertips playing with the hem of his panties, slipping down to gently massage his balls underneath them.

The weight, the warmth, of Taemin on his lower body leaves him. A moment later, Jinki is hissing, exhaling again. His left hand leaves Jonghyun's head and he twists just the tiniest bit. Jonghyun assumes he's holding onto Taemin's head, pressing him further into his ass so that the noises of Taemin's tongue get louder. Taemin's hand joins Jonghyun's on his balls.

"Mmm, both of you, so good," Jinki sighs. He rocks his hips forward to Jonghyun, backwards to Taemin. "My little fuckbunnies, so eager to please me, aren't you?" he asks, and then, when both of them nod, making agreeing little noises, he chuckles. "No, I think you're both just greedy. You, a little cockslut, and you, obsessed with eating ass. It doesn't matter that it's me. You would do this for anyone. You would do this all day."

Neither of them bother to reply. They're both too busy being in love with what they're doing.

Well.

 "Would do this for anyone, but," Taemin says.

"Only love doing it for you," Jonghyun finishes.

As Jinki chuckles above them, bashful, flattered, Taemin finds Jonghyun's hand on his side. They tangle their fingers together, staying connected, squeezing Jinki together, reassuring him that they're doing this for him as much as for themselves.

It's not long after that that Jinki finally cums. It's a quiet affair; it always is with Jinki, a lot of gasping and shaky breathing, his nose twitching, his mouth hanging open, his two front teeth just visible behind his lips. A happy little bunny. Jonghyun swallows him down, accepting every hot, sticky line of cum that lands his tongue, loving and savoring each drop that slides down his throat.

After, now that Jinki's orgasm is taken care of, Jonghyun is content to lie back down and just enjoy quiet chilling time again.

Taemin, of course, is not. Taemin, of course, got himself all worked up eating ass. Jonghyun doesn't even have to look to know. He can hear it in his breath, panting, can feel it in the way that his fingers curl into Jinki's side.

And then, of course, "Jinki, can I fuck you, I want to fuck you, let me fuck you, Jinki, let me, let me, let me."

Eyes closed, snuggling himself more comfortably into the pillows, Jonghyun smiles to himself. His Taemin is so cute when he's needy. Jinki must agree, because there's a smile in his voice too when he says, "of course, jackrabbit."

What happens next is a little hazy to Jonghyun. He's so cozy, warm, comfortable, tuckered out. His hearing is fading in and out, and his eyelids are doing the thing again where he closes them and his blinks lasts for a couple of minutes.

He watches Jinki getting off of him, lying down on his stomach next to him. He blinks. He watches Taemin burying his face into Jinki's ass again, moaning softly. He blinks. Something is digging into his shoulderblade; reaching underneath him, he finds the little purple bunny cock ring from earlier. No idea when that fell off. He hands it to Jinki, who takes it and kisses his fingers.

He blinks. He watches Taemin fucking Jinki, desperate, hard and fast, living up to his jackrabbit nickname. He blinks. He watches Jinki taking a selfie video on his phone, bunny nose and whiskers filter on, smiling and winking, the angle perfected to get both him and his booty getting absolutely rawed in the background. Jonghyun leans into the camera frame to press a kiss to his cheek, smile against his skin. He settles down on his side, pawing at Jinki's arm until he finishes with his phone and gives it to him to hug underneath his chin.

He blinks again, and falls asleep.

[glitterytidalwavedragon]

Putting it Out There (A Biracial Child)

I’ve always wanted to address this, I just never knew where or how to. But, as I write, I see the influences come into play more and more (More so when I am writing my B.B fanfic and the Tourist), so I thought, now is a good time as any and this is the only account and platform I feel safe (maybe because I don’t have 200+ friends or followers here who know me outside of social media). I also feel as if this prospective of life isn’t given much attention or heard. 

I, as some may know cause I had commented as such, am a biracial child. My father is a Caribbean Hispanic male and my mother of German and Italian descent. 

This does not mean I have the best of both worlds. In fact, most of the times I feel alienated. 

Born in the early 90′s, the song “Livin’ La Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin was every where. My mother would tell me that song was about me, now I was 5-6ish. I thought she referred to me liking cats, and trying to go out to perform a crap version of ‘Singing in the Rain’ along with the love for magic. 

No, it wasn’t so innocent. It was straight up because of my skin tone. I looked like the girl the song was describing. I had no idea. Nor did I realize a silent war was raging in my family. 

Growing up was...hard to say the least. It is even harder when you have racism on both sides pointing fingers at each other. On my mother’s side, my aunt and uncle wouldn’t allow me to visit unless it was a holiday to which there was pressure from the family. Out of spite, they would invite my much older siblings father over to cause a fight (The man did not celebrate christmas). Meanwhile my other aunt would tell me over and over again I was Italian. In the end, during these events I would end up alone and not know why. 

Now lets turn to the other side of the family, my father’s. My first words had been Spanish. Yet, I lived with English speaking relatives... guess who stopped speaking Spanish for a long while. When visiting my family on his side, none of of my relatives would address me, only if they had to because my father was not around. These people knew how to speak English, very well even though they had moved from their native island. They just refused to speak to me. This sucked cause where it was 3 people on my mother’s side, it was 16 aunt’s and uncles on my fathers not counting the dozens of cousins I had. So, as the other family events, I ended up alone not knowing why. 

The answer was rather simple but much to complicated for my child self. Both sides of my family was and still is completely racist. My white mother was near exiled for being with a man many would consider black (he considers himself Spanish and oddly doesn’t get the fascination on why his skin matters or makes me worry about him when he is stopped by cops...). I was the ‘mixed’ baby, a simple of her family’s shame. 

My father’s side could not care what color my mother was, only that she was not Spanish. For those who don’t know, Spanish can be an array of color, its cool. But, she was no Spanish, did not speak Spanish and therefore my father was exiled by everyone but his own mother for many years (which is why we ended up in family events, my mama wanted to see her youngest grandchild by her baby boy). This meant being put at the back table, being openly mocked, and never told of big family events like babies or weddings. 

This only lead to more fighting at home and in the end even my own siblings, alienated me. It was a pretty lonely experience. 

This carried on to school and friendships. Elementary was not fun, but I felt the effects more in Jr. and High school. In elementary I was grouped with the other Spanish kids, because starting in late summer I had my Spanish tan on and therefore, I was not white to other white kids. But I did not speak Spanish. At one point I spoke gibberish to just to be able to hang with the Spanish kids at recess. It worked and I still don’t know how. 

In Jr. ahhhh... at one point my family was making good money, which originally, it once took the income of five adults to keep us afloat, now it just took 2. My father and my grandpa (who I will talk about later). We moved to a ‘nicer’ neighborhood. In the early 2000′s that mean, a white neighborhood. Boy, did I stick out. 

Now you might think “But you grew up in NYC, said you were from Brooklyn” well, here is a fun fact. Nothing is more segregated than NYC schools. The north did not do busing like the south did, so white schools stayed mostly white while schools in low income areas stayed mostly black or other minority races. I was a very tan child going into a white neighbor hood to a white school. Lets top it off that I played video games and Yu-Gi-Oh, HA! 

I received hell. I had legit parents sneer at me, and girls asking me if I had sex because I was Spanish. A 12 year old, got hit on by 15 year olds because they thought my race made me easy. I was 12, all I wanted was to collect cards and play Pokemon on my stupid advance, I had no time for boys unless they were anime. But... someone (more than likely their parents) had set these ideas in their head on how Spanish people, more so girls, acted. 

Then I realized, I really liked all things Gothic. A Spanish Goth.... it pains me to think about it. Everything from poser, to faker, and ‘trying to act white’ was laid on me. I could not wait for Jr. High to end. And when it did, a whole 180 happen. 

I was no longer Spanish. I did not know why, just everyone referred to me as ‘the ONLY white girl’ in the school and that is not a joke. My school, was dubbed the worse in all of Brooklyn and shut down, which I believe it was dubbed that because of the 1% white population... I was the 1 after my second year when the other white kid (who was a boy people asked was my boyfriend) graduated. Now, in high school it wasn’t the kids who gave me hell. It was the teachers. 

In fact, high school led me to meet others who were also feeling alienated. One of which I am very close to, a black man who is Jewish (adopted by a white couple) and gay. He did not where he belonged either. In the mid-00′s to be a black gay man living near the ghetto was dangerous. I can’t count how many times he had to hide who he was so he wouldn’t get shot. Nor could I count how many times my other friend coped with being a biracial black man who loved anime and being goth so much he was bullied for it when we weren’t together (who I ended up dating throughout high school). 

Suddenly being labelled white get me an acceptance I was not expecting. I ended up being popular against my best efforts and people who I did not know knew me. At 15 I did not get what had changed, because no one had told me yet. No, I figured it out at 16, when I was placed in senior English because of my grades. My English teacher told me, I was white, in the worse why I could ever imagine. 

My English teacher, a beautiful black woman who celebrated her African roots, gave an assignment one day. I was one out of five in a class of thirty who did it, because I did it in her class the day before. I played sports, so did half the other kids, I did not have time after school. This did not sit well with her, she was mad, which was an understatement. So, she turned to the class and said

“This is why our people end up in Jail or having babies to early. Because like black people don’t take education seriously.” Then called be out by name and continued “is why she will end up being successful, because white people know the importance of an education.” 

First off, she was very racist towards EVERYONE, second I at 16, who was always called Spanish in school was now labelled white in front of everyone by an adult. I was both confused and terrified as my boyfriend who knew my family cared JACK SHIT about education looked ready to kill her. Luckily, he just walked out of class and waited for me as I was too studded to move. 

I later asked him if he thought I was white, he admitted he did until he saw my father and called me biracial. For the first time in 16 years, I had been called biracial. Went home, did not tell anyone what happened, asked my mother if I was biracial and she said yes. To shorten this up, this was what life felt like, 

At home, I had no race. Neither side welcomed me. 

In school, I was told I was Spanish and had to fake my way in the Spanish group.

Jr High, I am now trying to distance myself from everyone as being Spanish makes me a target. 

High School, I thought being Spanish would be a good thing. Now everyone is telling me I am white. 

I had not idea who or what I was. 

All I ever wanted was to be me. I wanted to understand why my family never got close to me, and I wanted friends who were friends because I was me. 

It was like I was being ripped to pieces. I could be what others wanted or be no one at all. I had no idea what to do. If people at the new school found out I was Spanish, would I become a target again? I was allowed to freely play games, watch anime, and be my gothic self if I were white. But that also meant I could not hang out with my friends who lived in the Ghetto, shouldn’t like rap, R&B, and reggaetón or use the slang I grew up always using. 

To be a Spanish person trying to be white

or 

A white person trying to be black/another minority of color. 

I had watched as the former got my friend (boyfriend at the time) kicked out of classrooms as he was compared to those involved in columbine shooting from teachers since he was different. Also the hell he received from other boys for cosplaying and playing anime based card games. At one point it was so rough he thought about dropping out and I begged him to stay along with his mother. I was so afraid of going through that again.

So I kept my mouth shut. 

I took on the military standard of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. My father never came to the school because he worked so much so no one knew. Everyday, I just took what my English teacher said to be without any force back. When Obama was voted in, she told me I had no right to celebrate, that my people had JFK and that Obama was for all the minorities to celebrate. I fell into a dark hole of hating myself. My home life was awful and now school I had to pretend to be something I wasn’t comfortable with. I started ditching classes, got into more fights than I would care to admit, did some really shady stuff and began hurting myself. 

The only joy I got was when I busted my ass grades wise and got out of school six months early. I did not have to go to school anymore and I could lock myself away to be no one but myself. It was lonely but I found company in books and my art. Through art I was allowed to be me and no one could take that away. 

When I returned for Graduation I June, did I get the final laugh on that English bitch. My mother and father showed up, she asked if my father was a cab driver helping my mother as she had gone blind. I told her, rather happily, that was my father. She went from joy to sheer disgusts faster than you can blink. For years she kept talking about who ‘mix babies’ never got any where as their fathers were never around. Yet, despite me hardly showing up, I gradated top of my class, never had a baby nor was I ‘loose’ (In fact I feared sex as a teenager), and my mixed couple parents as she lovingly called it, were together. 

She walked away from me and never said a word since. 

But now school was over, college was starting. I still hadn’t figured out who I was. Was I white/Italian or Spanish. In college I learnt no one was going to tell me who I was anymore, nor did they care. At home, it was still a battle of the races. Finally, one of my cousins spoke up and declared I wasn’t Spanish as I knew nothing of the language. At home, my aunt and uncle decided I was Spanish and called me a ‘Spick’ as a joke. I did not take it as one and therefore I was called ‘uptight’. 

My siblings also informed me, if I wanted free college to put down Spanish on everything unless it was the census. Then I should be white. Sometimes I still run into people who think I am one over the other. I had people come up to be speaking Spanish to be highly offended when I tell them I don’t speak the Language well. (I tried learning but it is hard when motivation is not there). 

In recent years, I had someone at work tell me how they met a Spanish person, shockingly where my father works, and then described in detail my father and then tell me they thought he was illegal since he looked the type. All because they thought I was white... proud to say that person got fired for being racist.I did also inform them that was my father to their response was “you’re one of them”. 

It never ends. 

No, the reason why I haven’t been driven insane is because of my late grandpa. My grandpa was a man I adopted to be my grandfather. My biological grandfathers on both sides died long before I was born and the man I adopted was close to the family and acted like a father to my parents. He was a good man and the reason I had a childhood. 

He once went through the same, Italian/Jewish, you wouldn’t think there would be a problem but when he was growing up that equaled Catholic/Jewish, to which he too was either pinned in the middle or rejected by both sides, this is the 1930′s-1940s. He gave me the best piece of advance ever. 

To be myself. 

That if I were myself, then it did not matter. The moment I stopped being who I am, that passing or faking would never tell me who my real friends were. That if he, could love me for who I was, a weird girl who liked boy things and drawing strange looking characters, then anyone else could. Being a stranger to myself would never bring happiness. So, after years of not listening to that, I finally decided to listen to my Grandpa. 

I know who I am, I know the history of my families. They might not like that I am not what they want me to be, but they don’t have to live with me. I have to live with who I am. My friends are my friends because they know who I am, not who they think I should be. 

So for all my biracial brothers, sisters and them’s, be yourself. Don’t try to force yourself into a mold, it isn’t worth it. None of it is worth it. 

Look yourself in the mirror and say your name. Say it loud and let everyone know they can not define who you are, and so what if they say you don’t belong, guess what? You do if you want. You belong because YOU say so, because that blood runs in your veins as well as theirs. So you get to make that choice! 

Make that choice of being you! Define yourself to YOUR standards. 

Don’t let anyone take that away. I know I won’t.

So here I see myself! A strange fox who changes coats with the seasons, that loves anime and video games, who plays Yu-Gi-Oh and listens to opera and Metal while can twerk and get low to Daddy Yankee! Who eats sushi and makes a mean chicken cutlet but can also make the best empanda with beans and rice with the rest of them!

And no one can take that from me.

[skold]

literally the only problematic thing about chris is his use of the F slur otherwise he is a perfect angel

ima be real with u chief i’m honestly not offended by his use of the word even a little cuz like.

first of all slur discourse was WILDLY different in the late 00s early 2010s before tumblr radfem rhetoric started influencing a lot of baby gays. the discourse back in the day was basically if the word was being used against you then it was fair game to reclaim it. like it was pretty accepted to do stuff like that (ie gerard way writing the word on his neck, frank iero introducing himself as “the f*ggot from mcr” at leathermouth shows)

so chris referencing the homophobic abuse (mis)directed at him in the lyrics of infamous or making jokes during shows about “are you cheering cuz you’re like ‘finally let’s get these f*ggots off the stage’ or cuz there’s still one more song” honestly? doesn’t bother me at all.

also when was the last time he used the word on record cuz i can’t think of a time any more recent than 2013 maybe???

anyway ur allowed to feel how u feel especially if yr mlm but y’know. just my onion.

[tommynikkivincemick]

three way call — part 7

Summary: Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx find themselves in the frustrating predicament of being infatuated with the same woman. This calls for a competition.

Author’s note: This is for the most part a pretty tame dialogue heavy filler chapter, except a little bit of plot building and mildly homosexual content at the beginning. The next chapter will be a lot saucier so be on the lookout for that!! Enjoy xx

Warnings: Violence, drug use, language, mildly homosexual content.

After a passionate night, the pair spent the night in the van in the forest and Tommy finally got Y/N home at around 8:00 in the morning. When he himself returned home, he did not expect for Nikki to be awake and on the couch. The bassist looked over the drummer— messy hair, goofy happy expression, relaxed body language, confident stance, smell of alcohol and sex.

That bastard.

“You bastard!” Nikki growled, standing from the couch, “How could you?”

“Okay, hear me out—“

“Hear this, you backstabbing bitch!” The older Twin yelled and tackled the drummer to the ground, punching first and thinking later.

Tommy didn’t even put up much of a fight— he deserved his beating, and to be quite honest, Y/N felt so good that it was worth it. The annoying part was Nikki yelling at him as he beat his ass.

“That’s not fair! I haven’t even gotten a shot! You couldn’t keep your dick in your pants for one night? Fuck you, Tommy Lee! Go to hell! I hate you so much right now! You motherfucker!” The bassist shouted as he beat the drummer, “Fight back, asshole!”

“Fucking fine!” Tommy grunted and began pushing back, properly wrestling with Nikki, “Yeah, I fucked her! But she still wants you! She wants both of us and it really sucks, I won the bet but I didn’t win her, so would you stop hitting me?!”

“She what?” Nikki stopped, pinning the drummer’s wrists on either side of his head, straddling the younger man.

“She still wants you. Still wants me. Still wants us,” Tommy panted.

Vince stomped into the room, ready to kick whoever’s ass was causing such a ruckus and waking him up this early in the morning.

“Would you motherfuckers shut— well, that’s a pretty compromising position, isn’t it?” The blonde cocked his head when he saw the bassist straddling the drummer.

“Yeah, Nikki finally broke down and admitted how much he wants my body,” Tommy deadpanned, “Wanna join us?”

Vince genuinely contemplated it.

“Well— what? No!”

“Your loss, baby,” Nikki gave an exaggerated wink.

“This is— it’s too early for this,” The singer grumbled and slumped back to bed.

Nikki let go of Tommy’s wrists but still remained on top of him.

“What do you mean she wants us? Like both of us?” The older Twin asked.

Tommy sighed and went into the same speech he had given Y/N the night before about polyamory and crazy feelings and how he didn’t think the other man would be okay with any of it. Nikki paused and contemplated everything he was just told. When he spoke at last, he said:

“Tommy, that’s gay.”

“Nikki, you’re literally sitting on my dick right now. Shut the fuck up.”

The Twins cracked up and Nikki rolled off of Tommy and laid beside him on the floor.

“No, but uh— it’s really cool of you to admit all that to me. All bets are off. And honestly? I’d be down to try it if you guys are,” Nikki sighed.

“Really? You’re not gonna get too jealous and kick my ass?”

“Well, we’ve been doing this and it’s been going alright—“

“You’ve punched me in the face like five times since we started this bet. Plus, you’d have to fully participate, and I don’t think you’re ready for that, bro.”

“Yes I am, I’m comfortable in my masculinity and sexuality and—“

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Kiss me on the mouth right now. Like you mean it.”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘like I mean it?’”

“Kiss me like you’d kiss Y/N. Three way partnership, and all that.”

Nikki paused and sat up. Tommy followed suit. The bassist took a deep breath and grabbed the drummer by the back of the hair to pull him in for a kiss. It was long and deep and just like he’d kiss Y/N, as requested. By the time they parted, their cheeks were red, their eyes were starry, and they both were a little breathless.

“... I think I’m bisexual,” Tommy laughed.

“Same, maybe,” Nikki muttered, “So how are things gonna be now?”

“Like they’ve always been, dude. We all always kiss each other’s faces anyway, only now it’s ok to kiss each other’s mouths and necks and stuff. And neither of us have to be jealous when the other person is with Y/N because we know she’s ours, too. It’s gonna be chill as fuck, man.”

“Have you talked this over with Y/N?” Nikki asked, getting up from the floor and extending his hand to the other Twin.

“Uh. Maybe we should call her.”

The Twins stumbled over each other to get to the phone. Nikki dialed her number and the pressed their faces together so they could both listen.

“Hello?”

“Mötley residence, Terror Twins speaking, may we please talk to Y/N?” They asked in unison.

“This is she,” Y/N laughed, “Why do you dumbasses always answer the phone like that?”

“Because it’s funny,” Nikki replied.

“Y/N! I got Nikki to be okay with the thing!” Tommy announced.

“The three way dating thing?”

“Yes that thing!” The drummer said.

“Oh, wow. That’s really cool. What do you think, Nikki?”

“Well, I just frenched T-Bone, so I can cross that off my bucket list,” Nikki chuckled, “But I think this will be good for all of us.”

“Me too. Well, I got home really late so I’m gonna try to sleep a little bit before work later, I’ll see you guys after that, though, unless you wanna stop by the store.”

Y/N had worked at a local record store for as long as they’d known her. When they started the band and recorded “Too Fast For Love”, she’d plugged the record non-stop, always having it playing in the store and always having a stack of records on display at the front desk. She truly was the band mom, always supporting her boys.

“Okay, we’re having a little kickback later, so be sure to change out of your work clothes before you come over,” Nikki said.

“We are?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah, Vinnie didn’t tell you?”

“No, he most certainly did not. Ugh, I gotta go shower. Y/N, I’ll see you later, love you!” Tommy yelled into the phone before heading to the bathroom.

“Love you! I’m gonna go sleep a little. See you later, Nikki, love you, too,” Y/N said with a yawn.

“Alright, later. Love you, babe. Bye.” The bassist signed off and thought he’d do the same and go to bed until he had to get ready for the party, but not before yelling to the bathroom, “TOMMY! I’M TAKING A NAP, OKAY? WAKE ME UP AT SIX.”

“OKAY, SWEET DREAMS SIXX!” Tommy shouted back.

With that, Nikki sighed and went to tuck himself in for the next few hours.

Vince heard the bathroom and bedroom doors shut and immediately rushed out to the phone, dialing Mick’s number.

“Mötley residence, Vince speaking, is Mick there?”

“Yeah, blondie, what do you want?” The guitarist yawned into the phone.

“You’ll never guess what just happened!”

“What?”

“Tommy and Nikki are in a three way relationship with Y/N now because Tommy fucked her but get this, he also had feelings for Nikki! Crazy right? So I think him and Nikki made out, but I could be wrong— at the very least they kissed a little bit and they both liked it! But before that, I walked into the living room because they were fighting and being loud and it woke me up and Nikki was on top of Tommy looking like one of them was about to get railed.” Vince spoke quickly.

“Uh, yeah, I definitely never would have guessed that,” Mick said, shock evident in his voice, “I’ll have to have a talk with Y/N about that later.”

“Hey Mick?”

“What?”

“Who do you think is the top between Tommy and Nikki?”

Both men paused before saying in unison:

“Nikki.”

“Alright, man, I just thought I’d fill you in. See you tonight.”

“Yeah, blondie.”

The two men hung up and Vince went back to bed.

That afternoon, Mick decided to take a trip down to the record store to have a talk with a certain friend of the band.

“Oh hey, Mick! We just got some new prog-rock albums in, I was gonna call you about it,” Y/N said with a smile.

“Yeah, that’s cool,” The guitarist said absentmindedly before leaning over the counter and whispering quietly, “I know what you did last night.”

Y/N’s face burned and she motioned for him to come behind the counter.

“Well, how was it?” He asked.

“Really, really good. As weird as it sounds, I could spend the rest of my life getting pounded in the back of that van,” She sighed dreamily.

“Who’s better with their mouth? Nikki or Tommy?”

“Both fantastic in different ways.”

“And you’re dating both of them now, right? Like polygamy?”

“More like polyamory, but we’re trying it out, yeah. It was Tommy’s idea.”

“You know Tommy and Nikki made out earlier?”

“No way! I thought they just kissed!”

“Yeah, way! And Vince said they were both really into it.”

“No way!”

“Is that all you can say?”

“I just can’t believe Nikki really made out with Tommy. Like loving, touching, squeezing made out? Nah.”

“Yeah, Vince called me earlier and said he found Nikki on top of Tommy earlier looking like they were about to get down and dirty, if you know what I mean.”

“I dunno, I don’t think either of them are that secure yet. It’ll probably just be business as usual but with more kissing and touching.”

“Gross.”

“It’s not gross, it’s kind of hot.”

“It’s incestuous!”

“Maybe so, but how many times have you guys seen a pair of twins kissing for your entertainment and thought it was hot?”

“Yeah, true. So are you guys gonna have a threesome?”

“I would think yes, sometime in the foreseeable future.”

“Sick!”

“It’ll be great, I bet. I’m still having a hard time walking from last night.”

“Gross, don’t tell me that!”

“But you’re my gossip buddy! I can’t bottle all this up, it would be unhealthy.”

“Whatever, I’m fine with you three having weird horny adventures as long as we don’t have to find a new drummer or bassist, just be safe, use condoms, you don’t know where those two have been.”

“It’s too late for that, bud.”

“Stop... stop telling me details. I’m leaving, I’ll see you tonight, have fun at work.”

“For sure,” She laughed.

Nikki had gotten up early and had decided to go ahead and get ready and maybe pick up Y/N from work. It took him half an hour to shower, another half hour tease and spray his hair to his specifications, ten minutes to draw on eyeliner evenly, twenty minutes to get into his skin tight leather pants, five to find his platform boots, and one minute to put on his spiderweb shirt and some jewelry. Tommy joined him and for his outfit chose his fishnet shirt and tights, short shorts, and tennis shoes.

“Tommy, don’t wear the tights and booty shorts.”

“I’m wearing the tights and booty shorts. My body, my choice.”

“That’s not what that means, Tommy,” Nikki sighed, sounding exhausted, “Let’s go.”

Tommy happily followed Nikki to the car and the two drove down to the store to distract Y/N from her job. The rhythm section sauntered in and walked behind the counter. Their favorite girl perked up and gave them both a quick kiss on the lips.

“So Nikki,” She began, “How was feeling up Tommy?”

“What? We didn’t— we just kissed— how do you know about that?” The bassist’s cheeks turned a vibrant pink as he stammered.

“Vince is a gossip and said he caught you on top of Tom and Mick asked me about it. But you still didn’t answer my question.”

“He loved it and I sexually awakened him because I am the god of love, baby,” Tommy said arrogantly with a wide grin.

“Calm down Eros. It was alright. I didn’t hate it. I kind of liked it.” Nikki said shortly, glaring at the drummer.

“So... what does this mean?” She asked.

“Are we dating?” Tommy added.

“I don’t know, maybe. We’ll have to give it a trial run before anything is set in stone, but I’m... open to it, let’s say.”

“Awe, Sixx!” Y/N cooed and pulled him down to her height to plant a kiss on his cheek, “Well, anyway, my shift’s about to end if you two wanna stick around for a little bit?”

The two nodded and went to look around the store to see if they could find anything interesting and subtly placing “Too Fast For Love” records in front of every other rock album. Fifteen minutes later, Y/N clocked out and the boys followed her home to her apartment.

“Do you have any spare blow?” Tommy asked, opening and closing all of the drawers in her bedroom in search of a little pick-me-up as Nikki instead chose to smoke a joint on her bed.

“Underwear drawer; top right,” She replied as she tried on and discarded outfits and shoes.

The drummer found a small baggie of white powder an laughed triumphantly, also pulling a lacy red thong and matching bra out of the drawer.

“This is sexy, you should wear it for us sometime,” He winked.

“Mmm, and those shiny black high heels you wore that one time,” Nikki added with a devilish smirk.

“I’ll keep it in mind,” She giggled, “Now what should I wear tonight for the party?”

Nikki got off of the bed and rifled through her closet for a minute. “I think that black dress with the silver zipper looks hot on you. Oh, and the high heel boots.”

“You just want me in heels one way or another, don’t you, Sixx?”

“I am a simple man; I like Colombian cocaine, Tennessee whiskey, and pretty women in sexy high heels,” The bassist replied with a smile, the drummer behind him nodding in agreement.

The musicians watched as their lover got dressed and touched up her makeup, admiring the way the dress Nikki chose hugged her curves and the way she smiled when she put on blush and puckered her lips after she applied lipstick. When she finished with a spritz of perfume, they followed her out to the car and Tommy opened the door for her.

“Alright boys,” She said with a wry smile, “Let’s go make it a night to remember.”

Needless to say, none of them would remember a thing come morning.

Taglist: @jayprettymuchomw @kayladurin @crazysaladchopshop @iamtiber-andtiberismusic @loveofmyloif @saints-of-the-universe @tommyfuckinlee @oh-well1 @cranberribread @princesadeltoro @prostidudes-for-justice @miriampraez @tarahell @n-osebleed @valentines-in-london @bohemian-war @cuntlord0606 @holding-on-to-my-youth

[tvmoviechristmas]

This Might As Well Happen: A Comprehensive Diary of Christmas Con

In early October, I was discussing the upcoming BravoCon, a celebration of Bravolebrities with my baby sister, Kerri, who was shocked nobody in my family wanted to go. I was trying to explain to her that it was both super popular and super expensive, when suddenly she interrupted with an idea.

“You know what would be crazy,” Kerri announces, “What if Hallmark had a convention? Hallmark Con! Would you go?”

"Kerri, they would hold Christmas Con in like Missouri, where Hallmark headquarters are,” I noted pretty quickly, “And I’m not paying to get a plane ticket to pay to see Lacey Chabert in passing. I’m not taking the time off work for that trip, that’s insane.”

“But it would match your brand!” she exclaimed, “You love Hallmark!”

“I don’t love Hallmark enough to get on a plane, but it probably won’t happen for years anyway.”

A week later Christmas Con was announced. It was taking place fifteen minutes away from where I live. For a second, I genuinely believed the universe had the ability to fuck with us personally.

--

The idea of buying a ticket for Christmas Con was a passing idea in my head, but it was not an item that was on the top of my to-do list because I had tons of other things to worry about. I was working full-time and taking certificate classes at night. I was in the middle of moving apartments and trying to sort through. organize and pack all the stuff. I was desperately trying to get my older sister to answer my texts about whether or not the facial stabbing that occurred in It: Chapter Two was handled realistically because she is a doctor and why become a doctor if not to answer my questions about injuries in pop culture? 

Things were crazy, and Christmas Con was just not a priority. I figured I had time to decide if I really wanted to go anyway. Christmas Con would not have that much of a demand, right?

Wrong. Christmas Con sold out in minutes. I figured I could potentially shoot my shot on obtaining a press pass (I do have three fans and a write-up in the Chicago Tribune!), but once again, I was like “this can wait for a couple of days”. There were other things to do! 

It could not wait for my sister, Kerri, though. There was nothing she wanted more than for me to go to Christmas Con. So she went on Instagram and DMed them questions about how to get a press pass before sending me what felt like a billion texts on how she promised the Christmas Con organizers that I was going to send them an e-mail to get a press pass that day and that she was going to pray that I get one because it was my destiny because it was fifteen minutes away and I run a made-for-TV Christmas movie blog. Do you want to fight destiny, Kace? Do you?

I guess I did not. So I e-mailed in my request, was somehow approved for a media pass, and subsequently lied to a billion people about what my plans for the weekend of November 8th were because nobody I worked with needed to know I was going to Christmas Con.

But that’s where I was going. As Kerri told me, “you’re a Christmas movie expert! That’s where you are supposed to be!”

--

FRIDAY

4:08 PM - According to the last minute e-mail I received from the Christmas Con organizers, the convention is supposed to open to the media at 4:30 PM. However, one of my two talents is getting hopelessly lost going anywhere, so I leave my apartment at around 3:40 PM and arrive at the convention around 4:00 PM. The parking lot looks deserted when I arrive and I briefly wonder if I am  at the right location, but then I spot some ladies seemingly tailgating the event in winter wear. This spectacle gives me the inkling that I am probably close to where I am supposed to be.

I figure that I might as well enter the con sign-in area a little earlier because I have a vague worry that the media line might be messy; however, the process of checking in is generally quick and painless. It probably helps that there was absolutely no line whatsoever. Even though I am terrified that someone to tell me that they made a mistake and it is ludicrous that a tumblr blog is getting a press pass to anything, I am actually given a media badge and waved into the hall.

I check my phone. It is only 4:08 PM. Immediately, I am frightened at the prospect that some security guard is going to yell at me for being in the convention area early, but after taking a deep breath I just decided to roll with it. It’s Christmas Con! We are all supposed to love each other! That’s the Hallmark way!

As I walk into the convention center, “Sleigh Ride” begins to blast on the sound system. Since “Sleigh Ride” is my least favorite Christmas song, my guard is immediately raised. Hopefully, the music choice is not a harbinger of bad things to come at Christmas Con.

4:25 PM -  I decide to mill about in the empty autograph area to get an idea of what Hallmark “celebrities” are going to be signing at the event. While attempting to get a picture of an Erin Krakow banner, I hear a door burst open and someone shouting “Lace! Lace! Lace!” from behind me.

Immediately, I become paranoid, scared that some con organizer is yelling “Kace! Kace! Kace!” because they know I am not supposed to be in the autograph area before the place opens. Maybe they also read my blog, and realized that maybe they do not want someone who doesn’t fully buy into Hallmark’s conservative message roaming around their event.

After ten excruciating seconds, my brain clicks back into place and I turn around to realize that it is just Jonathan Bennett having a dramatic Mean Girls reunion with Lacey Chabert before the event starts. Sometimes sneaking into areas you shouldn’t be in is worth it, even if it does spike your anxiety. That’s how you get exclusive content.

4:31 PM - As the clock hits 4:30 PM and the VIP pass holders storm in, I become a little more comfortable at the notion of hanging around Christmas Con and start to roam around the hall. The vendor area is a lot smaller than I expected and I did not expect it to be all that big in the first place. In total, there are about  20 booths set up, and a solid chunk of them aren’t even selling anything. The items that are being sold in the hall are not exactly what I expected either. One vendor is selling what seems to be a bunch of top hats. Another is selling cooking sauces. Surprisingly, there are only a couple of vendors actually selling Christmas decorations. Earlier in the week I had withdrawn cash from the bank with the idea that I might be able to buy something while I was at Christmas Con, but *spoiler alert* my cash balance stays the same throughout the entire three days of the event.

The centerpiece of the vendor area is a photobooth set up by Hallmark where you can take various kitschy pictures (in a snowglobe! by a fireplace!) while muted advertisements for their upcoming original movie slate and streaming service play in the background. It also is an area where you can look at a hilarious collection of framed screenshots and promotional photos of Hallmark’s crop of “celebrities”, which is my personal favorite part of the experience. Nothing says Christmas like a framed photo of Candace Cameron Bure peeking around a door!

4:43 PM -  As the convention starts to warm up, a lot of the “celebrities” are just walking around the vendor area . Nikki DeLoach jumps into a snowglobe picture with some random fans. Holly Robinson Peete films the Hallmark booth on her phone, while Rachel Boston tries to take a picture of the giant Christmas Con banner hanging over the autograph area. I am sure that this is the part of the experience is supposed to make the VIP experience worth it. You pay a lot of money to come in a half hour early, and maybe a Hallmark “celebrity” will walk by you as you take a picture holding a “I Love Hallmark Movies!” pillow.

5:12 PM -  The crowd starts to pour into the vendor hall as Christmas Con officially opens to the public and I instantly become a little scared. The Christmas Con crowd is not my crowd. I watch made-for-TV Christmas movies for the snark. They watch made-for-TV Christmas movies for the sentiment. I was genuinely dismayed when my mom bought me a Hallmark movie sweatshirt. They were theirs with pride. I get hives at the idea of paying money to take a selfie with anyone. They are all here to wait in line to take pictures with Lacey Chabert. Their idea of Hallmark-based small talk is discussing with each other how glad they are that Alicia Witt is here because they loved A Very Merry Mix-Up. My idea of of Hallmark-based small talk is ranting about how It: Chapter 2 could air on Hallmark if you really wanted it to. The plotlines are similar!

No, seriously! A woman in her early 40s, successful in her career but with the Wrong Guy, returns to her hometown after a tragic event to settle unfinished business. There she meets a friend from her childhood (played by a blandly attractive CW actor) who has been in love with her all along, and whose entire character is based around this love. He works with his hands and can build things! There are some missteps but eventually they kiss once and live happily ever after. On the sidelines,t here is a black friend mainly there to provide exposition and a gay friend who the writers aren’t really explicit about being gay. You put in some snow in the background and you can air it on Hallmark on Christmas Eve! It is uncanny!

Nobody at Christmas Con would care though, so I figure that this would be the time to check out the empty panel area. Right in front of the panel stage are a bunch of entries for a gingerbread house decorating contest that was being held on Sunday.

Yeah, the Christmas Con people are not my crowd.

5:30 PM - “Sleigh Ride” plays for the second time and I begin to think that maybe Christmas Con is against me.

5:51 PM - A lady sits down next to me in the panel area, which is still basically deserted. “Did you expect there to be more?” she asks me.

I flash my media badge at her. “Honestly, I didn’t pay for this so I can’t be disappointed.”

“I’m just happy I didn’t fly in from North Carolina for this because that would feel like a real waste.”

I just hum noncommittally in response.

5:57 PM - “There’s no bad Hallmark movie!” I overhear a woman telling a reporter. 

Well, that person isn’t reading my blog.

6:07 PM - Christmas Con is supposed to officially start with a tree lighting ceremony. The crowd gathers around in tree in the autograph area to see the event, but for the most part all you can see is people trying to take pictures.

Santa comes out with little fanfare and no announcement. It is a stark difference to Jonathan Bennett, who comes in with a huge announcement that includes a list of all of his credentials (there aren’t many, he’s only been in one Hallmark movie). According to the Christmas Con materials, he is hosting the event. I am not exactly sure what that means but apparently it involves him leading the crowd in a call-and-response version of “Deck the Halls”. 

“It’s what this is all about!” he tells the crowd after they oblige him. 

After that bit of hyping, Bennett decides to introduce the true star of the convention and so-called “Queen of Christmas”, Lacey Chabert. They do not waste any time after she is brought out and they light the tree. It’s hard to feel magical about all of this because it is impossible to see.

Bennett’s hosting tells me that we’re having a good time though. “Hey Santa,” he asks, “Did you know New Jersey could be so much fun??”

6:51 PM - After the tree lighting ceremony, I go back to the panel area to finish my soda before bouncing. My escape plans are dashed by a staff worker promises me that they are going to start the trivia game soon. I did not ask her if it was, but I feel obligated to stay now so to not disappoint her.

7:01 PM - Before the trivia game starts I glance at the stage and realize that one of the podcasters is livestreaming the room to their Instagram feeds.

“Oh fuck,” I mutter to myself, “Are they taking a picture of us?” 

“Yes, they want to see how bored we are,” the lady sitting next to me responds.

7:06 PM - The trivia game starts about fifteen minutes after the staffer promised me it would. It promises to be full of talent from “smash hit Hallmark podcasts”, a concept that sounds fake to me but is real enough to Christmas Con.

I make it about fifteen minutes in before I realize that watching other people answer “True or False” questions about Christmas isn’t incredibly fun when you don’t care all that much about the Christmas holiday itself. So I decide to duck out, hoping I don’t look like a complete jackass for doing so.

7:30 PM - Before I leave for the night, I take a lap around the autograph area to see how its going. It is going incredibly well for Lacey Chabert who has a line so long that the convention organizers announce that she will be staying 45 minutes after the event closes for the night. Only Lacey Chabert is making that courtesy though, which seems fair because nobody else is commanding much of a line.

In terms of bang for your buck, meeting up with “celebrity” who is not Lacey Chabert seems like the smart choice. The other guests seem to be having somewhat long conversations with the one or two people waiting in line for them, and if conventions like these are feeling like you are close to celebrities, isn’t that the experience you want?

A part of me feels guilty that these “celebrities” are just sitting around not doing much of anything, and it almost made me want to spend money on meeting them just so they would have something to do. Then I think about it for three seconds, and remember that 1) I hate meeting “celebrities” and 2) I do not make enough to justify spending money on lifting the self-esteem of “celebrity” strangers. So I leave that idea behind and leave the building for the night.

—

SATURDAY

11:30 AM - My Saturday morning class lets out early, so I make it to the convention center about an hour earlier than expected. It is much more crowded today. I’m assuming it’s because there is going to be more to do aside from watching a crowd watch a tree light up. My plan is to just park myself in the panel room all day.

I ask a staffer where media is supposed to line-up for panels. She tells me she has no idea, but she will ask and let me know shortly. She leaves and I watch her talk to people for a couple of minutes. She doesn’t turn around. I keep waiting and waiting before I realize that she is never coming back. I wasn’t getting answers, but I settle for buying a $6.00 cappuccino instead. I’ll figure it out.

11:42 AM - The first panel of the day is billed as a reunion of former All My Children stars Melissa Claire Egan and Cameron Mathison. I find myself sitting next to a family who are very excited at this prospect.

“We are going to be breathing the same air Cameron Mathison is,” the teen girl cries in excitement to a woman I would assume is her mother.

 “In a way, we already are,” the possible mother excitedly whispers back.

As they continue to vibrate in excitement, “Sleigh Ride” plays in the convention center for the third time and I groan to myself. At least someone’s happy.

11:56 AM - Cameron Mathison has been spotted by the family and excitement abounds, but not for his shirt. 

“Shouldn’t he be festive?” the possible mother asks about his all black ensemble.

“Well, he has to take a lot of pictures.” the teen notes back.

12:05 PM - All of the panels are hosted by the co-hosts of Bubbly Sesh, Hallmark’s official podcast. They bounce on to the stage before telling the crowd how excited they are to be there.

“We are with our tribe. Our team. A room full of Hallmark fans!” they say to a crowd of cheers.

I also cheer. Mainly, because I finally got the Wi-Fi to work on my laptop after a half hour of fruitless efforts to maintain a connection. But they don’t need to know that.

12:07 PM - I learn a lot about Cameron Mathison during the first few minutes of his panel. Apparently, he is the new host of Hallmark’s Home & Family talk show. He also was diagnosed with cancer in the past year, but is now in remission. And he is the apparent “king” of Hallmark Christmas movies, according to the BubblySesh podcast hosts, but that last fact seems debatable to me.

Mathison also claims during the panel that starring in The Christmas Club, an upcoming Hallmark holiday movie, is what made him realize that he needed to push his doctor for a cancer diagnosis. So Hallmark can apparently save lives. 

12:14 PM - Before the Q&A starts, the BubblySesh podcast hosts tell the audience to keep the questions free of the “nitty gritty”. The want everyone to stick to Christmas and  careers! It’s a real bummer because it means I have to scrap my plans to ask everyone what would happen if you got stabbed in the cheek, as that would probably be too gritty.

The Q&A stays relatively tame throughout. The most exciting it gets is when an audience member brings up the idea of doing a Hallmark All-Stars movie. The lady sitting next to me is excited about that concept! I wonder if Hallmark would have the budget to pull off a Love, Actually. I doubt it.

Every panel wraps up with the BubblySesh announcing that “it’s time for the BubblySesh Pop Culture Quiz!!!”. This quiz is less of a quiz and more just general Christmas based questions with a grating announcement beforehand. This announcement would become more grating every time I heard it (and it was at nearly every panel). At the time though, I wasn’t aware how haunted I would be by this “game”. It was still early in the day.

1:07 PM - Next up on the day’s schedule is a scarcely attended panel about Christmas podcasts, a podcast genre that is apparently more bustling than I would have ever expected. All the panelists (of which there are way too many) are enthusiastic about how well their podcasts are doing and give the crowd advice on how to start their own because, as they say,  you can never have too many Christmas podcasts. 

I never expected to get a motivational speech about how I could start a Christmas podcast if only I believed in myself, but then again I never expected to be at Christmas Con.

2:10 PM - The marquee panel of Christmas Con is up next, which is a Mean Girls reunion featuring Lacey Chabert and Jonathan Bennet. This panel is less of a Hallmark panel and more of a Mean Girls panel, and it takes all of five seconds for “so fetch” to be referenced.

The most Mean Girls detail of the panel though is how Jonathan Bennett latches on to Lacey Chabert. He spends the entire panel looking for every opportunity to compliment “Lacey Chabert”, and he always uses her full name. 

“Everyone on the Mean Girls set was constantly cracking up because Lacey Chabert was so funny.” 

“Lacey Chabert cooked everyone a Thanksgiving meal while we were shooting Mean Girls, and she is a great cook!”

“Lacey Chabert is the sweetest.”  

I half wait for him to announce how one time Lacey Chabert punched him in the face, and it was awesome. I have no idea why he thinks this hypeman routine is necessary, since Lacey Chabert has been commanding the longest autograph lines by a sizable margin and the hardest question she gets from the audience is “Why are you so nice?” I do wish I had a Jonathan Bennett in my life though. It must feel nice to be constantly complimented. I guess that’s why people aim to be the Queen Bee though, isn’t it?

2:32 PM - In what is clearly supposed to be Christmas Con’s buzziest moment, Daniel Franzese, who played Damian in Mean Girls comes up on stage to start delivering candygrams to surprise of the audience and the panel. Lacey Chabert starts to cry, while Jonathan Bennett screams.

After a couple more questions, Bennett tells everyone to take out their phones and begins to perform the opening of the “Jingle Bell Rock” dance to the room. Another potentially buzzy moment from a convention that desperately needs some. 

3:08 PM - Up next is an odd assortment of a panel featuring Nikki DeLoach, Alicia Witt, Holly Robinson Peete and Chad Michael Murray’s southern drawl. The last one confused me because I was pretty sure Chad Michael Murray had not spoken with a pronounced southern drawl before. I text my younger sister, Tara, a noted One Tree Hill fan if he had a drawl on the show and she tells me he did not. So why is he suddenly Southern? He also seems to have a hatred for chairs, and spends a majority of the panel trying to desperately slide off his.

3:23 PM - During the routine question about Christmas traditions, Nikki DeLoach gives an emotional answer about her young son requiring multiple heart surgeries and that her experience in the hospital taught her the importance of charity and giving back to the community during the holiday season.

Somewhat hilariously after that, everyone else on the panel announces that of course they are going to be doing more charity work this holiday season. Are they being genuine? Who can say. But you certainly can’t give a rote answer about how your favorite tradition is decorating the tree after a fellow panelist tears up about her experience giving toilet paper to the less fortunate and how it impacted her life. Nobody wants to look like a jerk.

4:07 PM - The last panel of the day features Jackee and Melissa Joan Hart, and the room is barely empty. As someone would inform me the following day, “it’s because they are more Lifetime than Hallmark Christmas movie stars”.

Lack of Hallmark “celebrities” aside, it is a great capper to the day. Hart provides a decent amount of insight on the made-for-TV movie making process, and Jackee is just a fun personality to watch.

The panel concludes with someone asking what’s a fun fact that someone wouldn’t know about them. Jackee answers that she is still having sex.

Good for her. It is a solid note to end the day on, as I decide to skip out on the upcoming Ugly Sweater Contest to go back home. Six hours of Christmas Con is enough Christmas Con for the day.

—

SUNDAY

8:31 AM - Early in the morning, there is a press line available for the media to attend if they have any questions for the Hallmark “celebrities”. I decide to skip that because the only question I need answers to is what happens when you get stabbed in the cheek (my older sister still has not gotten back to me on that), and I don’t think anyone who stars in a Christmas movie is going to have a satisfactory answer.

As I lay in bed, I briefly consider not going back to Christmas Con at all, but then I finally get a response from the super about the cockroach I found in my bedroom the night before. Turns out they are bugbombing the place, and I need to be out of the apartment for five hours. 

So back to Christmas Con I go.

10:30 AM - Christmas Con Day 3 is a weird place. Lacey Chabert is no longer the celebrity commanding the longest line, because former General Hospital star Ryan Paevey is there and his line is an hour and a half long. I am informed it is because he is hot. 

Even stranger is the fact that there is a twenty minute line to get a picture with a snowman balloon. I know there’s not much to do at Christmas Con but that seemed to be pushing the bounds of reason to me. But I suppose these are the new rules of Christmas Con.

10:52 AM - The people in the VIP line for the Danica McKellar and Rachel Boston panel are give me a rundown of how the autograph queue works. 

“You have to have your priorities in order!” they tell me before explaining that they got to the con at 9 AM to make sure to get their photo with Ryan Paevey. “He’s so handsome!!!”

They also explain that they find their VIP passes useful in snagging all the autographs their hearts desire. I say that that’s good because the VIP access the media badge allows me to have just seems useless for panels, which have never reached capacity. 

“Yes, they have!” a lady tells me, “There are always people hanging out back past the barrier trying to look in!”

I don’t have the heart to inform her that those people are just in line waiting for food and that as someone who has attended every single panel, I have always noticed empty seats. 

Later on in the conversation, I try to express concern that some of the panels have been too random a selection of “celebrities” who have no chemistry with each other and make for an awkward time. The group disagrees with my assessment. 

“Actually, they are all great friends. Did you not hear Jonathan Bennett call it Christmas Camp earlier? Do you follow him on Instagram? He’s been playing pranks on Lacey Chabert! It’s hilarious!”

Have I said that Christmas Con is not my crowd?

11:02 AM - Before the panels for the day start, “Sleigh Ride” plays for the fourth time. Apparently, no Christmas Con day can start without it.

11:16 AM - The panel line-up for the day starts with a panel with Danica McKellar and Rachel Boston. Someone informs them that they always have chemistry with their leading men, a fact which is news to me, a person who watched both McKellar act through one of the worst on screen kisses of all time in one of her June Wedding movies and Boston *mwah* her way through Ice Sculpture Christmas. 

“We have kissed most of the men here,” Boston noted in response before listing the con guests she’s done movies with throughout her time on Hallmark. There’s one person she realizes that she and McKellar have yet to kiss though. “Not Ryan Paevey.” 

“He’s next!” McKellar decides. That gets a decent response from the crowd, because he’s good looking!

11:48 AM -  “Sleigh Ride” starts up again as the panel closes. It has now played five times, which is five times too many in my opinion.

11:59 AM - The people sitting behind me at the writer’s panel are already preparing for next year’s Christmas Con. It goes to show you that not everyone hates being here. It’s a mixed response!

The writer’s panel is probably one of the more interesting ones because it’s one of the few about the process of creating made-for-TV Christmas movies. Of course, it means that barely anybody is there.

The few of us who manage to attend the panel have the chance to snag a “I Love Hallmark Christmas Movies” wristband from one of the writers. She gives me two. 

1:49 PM - After the writer’s panel is supposed to be the gingerbread contest judging, which I figure is a good enough time to take one last lap around the vendor hall. 

Ryan Paevey is still commanding an hour and a half line for autographs, but thankfully people are no longer waiting to take a picture with a balloon snowman. The booth selling Christmas romance novels has gone out of stock, but they give me their last advertising card. The outside world has discovered that nobody is monitoring the screen that displays #ChristmasCon2019 tweets so I spend a few minutes watching the spam tweets they are sending it’s way. It’s beginning to look a lot like Jeffrey Epstein was murdered here on the Christmas Con big screen!

One booth is trying to sell one of the “I Love Hallmark Christmas Movies!” wristbands for two dollars each, which is a total scam because other booths are giving them away for free. So I step in and give one of the ones I got at the writer’s panel to the elderly woman who is about to buy one. Those vendors probably do not like me, but I did not come to Christmas Con to make friends. I came to escape my bugbombed apartment. 

Speaking of, I am desperate to go home but a phone call informs me that I can’t go home until 4:00 PM. Two more hours of Christmas Con for me it is.

2:06 PM - After the gingerbread contest, but before the start of the When Calls the Heart panel a bell choir, who is not on the schedule, randomly performs. As I sit there wishing my apartment was bugfree so I could sleep in it, I hear loud and raucous cheers start up. I turn to the person next to me and ask if they know where the noise is coming from, and they tell me that there is a wine glass convention happening next door.

As the party at the wine glass convention seems to rage on,  I wonder if that’s where I should be instead. It would certainly keep me awake, and well, I broke some of my wine glasses during my move. It could be helpful!

2:18 PM - The When Calls the Heart panel is incredibly confusing to sit through for many reasons. First of all, I don’t watch the show, so every plot point mentioned just leaves me nodding as I try to pretend I am an avid viewer who cares. Second of all, I keep zoning out and zoning back in to the panel and every time I do it, something weird seems to be happening. Sometimes Paul Greene is trying to lead a sing-a-long of “White Christmas”. Sometimes Jack Wagner is wondering what the plot of When Calls the Heart actually is.

The most confusing aspect of the panel though is Greene’s button situation. Apparently, he thought that Christmas Con was the place to forget to button up. Maybe he’s trying to keep up with Ryan Paevey. Did you hear that he’s hot?

3:07 PM - The final panel of the event is the alleged “Hunks of Hallmark” panel. However, it is announced that Ryan Paevey is too hunky to be there, because he has a seemingly endless autograph queue and that’s where the real convention money is anyway. So we have to settle for Jesse Metcalfe and Andrew Walker, who has just arrived from JuiceCon. This fact delights the Q&Aers, and in what is supposed to be a hilarious bit we are all in on, everyone brings up the fact that Andrew Walker has a juice business when they come to the microphone.

At this juncture, I feel like a kid sitting in their final class of the day waiting for the bell to ring. Sure, we might be having fun bringing up juice all the time, but also it’s time to go home. And after one final joint scream of “It’s time for the BubblySesh Pop Culture Quiz!!!”, we are free to leave.

3:52 PM -  The panel closes and immediately “Sleigh Ride” queues up for the sixth time of the convention. If ever there was a sign for me to go home, it is that.

3:59 PM - As I drive the fifteen minutes back to my apartment, I call my mother. She asks me if I had fun at Christmas Con, and I genuinely don’t know how to answer.

“It was a thing that I did,” I ramble. “It was an experience. I think I would have been mad if I paid for any part of it or if I had to travel further than fifteen minutes. But I didn’t. And even the parking was free, so all I lost is time, which doesn’t account for much really, I guess.. And well, it’s a story. Plus, it’s my brand.”

And who am I to deny a universe that wants me to live up to my brand in new weird, free-to-me ways? If Christmas Con was good for anything, I guess it was that.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x17 “Game Night”

this was not 45 minutes of Dean playing Twister with Cas :/

04:22pm

if this isn’t 45 minutes of team free will 2.0 having a happy time in the bunker with all their alive hunter friends and family, playing board games, everyone whistling and whooping when cas takes off his coat to play twister with dean, i will be sorely disappointed

HOWEVER

/checks

it’s meredith glynn

so maybe it won’t be the pure, fun, gay plotless fantasy that i have in mind, but it’ll probably be well-written and emotional, which is aaaalmost as good

-

04:30

DEAN’S PLAYING MOUSETRAP 

OKAY 

OKAY

OKAY

-

04:31

[distant “soN OF A BITCH”]

yeah mousetrap is like that

we have one exactly the same, it’s from the 60s or something, it sometimes functions but mostly doesn’t

when the ball hops into the bucket and rolls down the slope, that’s my favourite part

-

04:37

WHY ARE THEY HAVING GAME NIGHT and drama WITHOUT CAS

WHERE IS CAS

WHERE IS CAS

THIS IS TOO MUCH

-

04:38

ahhh thank you ms glynn for immediately answering my question

she knew!!! she knew the only question everyone would be asking at that exact moment when nobody mentioned cas is WHERE IS CAS

and then she’s like “here have some cas”

thank

-

04:39

i want a gag reel of danneel and misha trying to do this scene

we don’t have anywhere near enough content of them together, interacting

-

04:41

cas getting earrings for anael/sister jo is so intriguing to me and i really like it for some reason

“lightly cursed”

jsdfd

-

04:43

paused and screenshotted because in this exact moment she looks uncannily like my doctor

-

04:45

jo: the winchesters don’t know you’re here, do they?

cas: “why do you say that?”

jo: “i don’t know, just a general reek of ill-conceived lone wolf desperation”

i love this script, danneel’s delivery, and also describing cas as a lone wolf, i find that both attractive and accurate... kinda makes me feel better about the fact he disappears for weeks at a time, i guess it’s just a personality trait of his that he likes being alone after socialising a lot

-

04:50

mary: “i can be... closed off... hard”

dean: “yeah? :) that’s where i get it from”

aw yeah cuties talking about their feelings

-

04:51

while dean and mary talk, i think the music is that soft piano theme they use when dean and sam are having emotions, and i’m not 100% on that because i haven’t heard it in AGES, like maybe two seasons, unless i just missed it

either way it just makes me think of all the times they DIDN’T use that music with dean and cas

at least not since season 4 or 5 (sic), this music definitely reminds me more of that era than the recent eras

-

04:57

cas in that big silver pickup truck

i wonder what dean thinks of all his car choices

-

05:00

YEEEAH SAMMY SMUSH HIS STUPID FACE

-

05:03

mary telling sam she’s proud of him eyyyyyyyyyyy <3

edit: IN HINDSIGHT THESE “LAST WORDS” INTERACTIONS WITH SAM AND DEAN HURT WAY MORE. now i’m really worried about her gdi ;A;

-

05:04

the doll cas blows dust off reminds me of that weird lil doll danneel keeps in her and jensen’s house

-

05:08

laughing because how is nick even close to being jack’s father

jack is biologically the president and the presidential aide’s/first lady?’s son

and team free will are his nurturing dads, who did the actual job of parenting

lucifer is his angel father since he was possessing the president

but like

nick is the body lucifer wore, was nowhere near the president, wasn’t a vessel at the time, hasn’t physically been allowed to be near jack in all the time jack’s existed, has had almost no interaction with him, and is also a douchebag murderer

family don’t end with blood and all, sure

but like

no

-

05:18

jo/anael: “look, i just stepped in a rat, so”

oh god that reminds me of--

*trigger warning: very gross, animal death*

reminds me of that time my cat brought in a mouse and ate half and then because it was dark i stepped on it in a bare foot and skinned it with my foot and it was cold and horrible

also that time i stepped on a spider, also in bare feet, and it crunched

and that time i stepped on a lizard but it was fine and it was SQUISHY

-

05:21

i went back a bit and anael throws the doll, first it says “ma-ma~?” and then it hits the pile and goes “mhmhj!!” and that’s both cute and upsetting

-

05:24

OH MY GOD IT’S LIKE THE SAMULET BUT DIFFERENT

cute lil horned skull, i want one. seriously it’s adorable, i don’t think it’s meant to be adorable but it is

-

05:34

rock hit sammy’s face and i cringed

-

05:37

of all the wounds to the head

finally one actually did some damage

feels weird but right that dean called an ambulance like real people

edit: what did he tell the EMTs though, now sam is all healed up

-

05:40

beautiful and terrifying

-

05:41

nick: “make me strong again, make me you”

he’s gonna die isn’t he

-

05:43

dean: “count with me”

sam” “you always put me first”

noo sam !!!!

-

and then the cut from sam, dead, to nick, dead

oh gdjfgdjg help dhfgdf

-

05:47

mary: “you need help, we’ll help you”

oh now i’m worried about mary

jack you better not hurt her

-

05:48

black screen

jack’s whisper “mary”

oh no

-

05:48

THIS WAS SO MUCH

AND IT WAS GREAT BUT IT WAS SO MUCH

I KNOW I SAID TWISTER BUT THIS WAS NOT THE KIND OF TWISTER I ENVISIONED

I MEANT PHYSICAL NOT EMOTIONAL THANK YOU VERY MUCH

i have no thoughts

i can’t think, i’m just

........maryy..........

i freaking loved anael, and i loved how cas interacted with her, he’s comfortable and knows her well and is just aware of her strengths and fears and likes and needs, and anael knows him just as well, well enough that she knew his real motivations for trying to contact god

i love that this was all about jack, but i also hate it because oh no our sweet baby nougat boy is a chocolate cake now

i love how much love the winchesters have for him, how they’re not even questioning whether he belongs there or not, even when lucifer and nick are trying to claim kinship. team free will are his three dads and everyone knows it

i adored seeing mary again, it feels like it’s been ages. and i hope dearly she’s okay at the end of this, we’ve all had enough of fridging and she doesn’t deserve that to happen to her again, none of us want that

meredith glynn writes good female characters with relatable positive and negative traits and i am so pleased to see that!! i do kind of think anael was the best part of this episode, and she was written so much better here than in the previous season. that stuff she and cas talked about, her doing everything for money vs. her trying to fix suffering, but also clearly enjoying the money along the way, that was my favourite part of the episode

i think my least favourite part was the fact it was basically two stories, cas doing stuff for jack, and then dean and sam and mary doing stuff for jack. i know it’ll match up later, but i disliked the lack of contact there. at least on screen, cas wasn’t informed about all the drama the others were going through, and like anael said, they didn’t know where cas was or what he was doing.

and also given this all happened apparently around the same time, and the episodes’ air dates (maybe) coincides with when they’re set, where WAS cas two weeks ago when he left dean and the bunker and dean said he left early in the morning? i assume he was going to meet anael, but how much time passed between then and this? idk

i loved that cas picked up earrings for anael though. and knew enough about them to know they were valuable. either he’s an jewellery expert or a geologist, or dean or sam are, and all of those possibilities thrill me

didn’t like sam getting hurt but the wORST PART was jack’s downfall here

oh no

dean’s relief after sam was healed, where he had to step back and turn around, that was... something. no matter how many times he almost loses the people he loves, it never gets easier for him, and it never will

damn that rock from the middle of the road that probably shouldn’t have been there

but also. how much of lucifer’s personality was just nick? because he’s basically the same person without lucifer. i’m really curious who lucifer is, because we don’t really know, do we? i mean, actions aside, the quirks of his speech and personality were seemingly all nick’s. (i think when sam was in the white suit, that was non-nick lucifer, except that was in an alternate timeline so who even knows.)

one more thing. a tip for the non-anxiety-ridden, non-autistic people out there. when a person is stumbling away from you with their hands over their ears/eyes/head, muttering about wanting the conversation to stop or the noise to stop or for you to go away, please, under no circumstances, go after them and yell at them and grab them

not saying jack should’ve done whatever he did, but mary definitely reacted in the worst possible way to a panic/anxiety attack, especially when jack is clearly dangerous to other people, not just himself

anyway. 06:21pm.

10/10, but would not recommend unless someone really wanted their heart ripped out

would have preferred dean playing mousetrap for 45 minutes and cas coming home early to find everyone had the correct amount of soul, and then letting dean teach him how to play twister, actual twister, not this twisted goddamn fuckery directed at my stupid emotions like this actually turned out to be