#as I have been lazy lately I am doing 10 push-ups for every Ask I answer

[billk4ulitzsecretlvr]

Fic request botTOM! w DomBill! plz idc the situation or scenario I just love me some bottom Tom

A/N ☆ : sorry I have not ! Been very active at all recently / writing really short .. I got on here with a big burst of motivation and just do not have so much any more :[ . I wrote also this all in one sitting as a hopes that I will get back to writing more , hehe ..

Please make sure that when you guys are sending requests , there is at least some sort of plot I can grab on to . I know the main focus in this is that Tom is bottom and Bill is a Dom but including setting or even just backgrounds information helps me write better sometimes and makes me able to write longer too <3 .

☆ This fic contains : MLM , smut , oral play , bit of spit . ?? ( Always hehe .. ) , edging , sub ! Tom x Dom ! Bill ( 2009 / 10 ) ( which I am really excited to try . )

It had been a decently long day between the twins, they both agreed that it was a bit off the entire time. Not because they had argued or really just anything happened, but it felt that Tom was just extra clingy tonight which piqued Bill's interest just a bit.

They had just gotten in, Bill set his bag down on the dining room table whereas Tom let his own bag down on the couch. He moved a bit over to Bill in means of wrapping his arms around the boys slim waist and pecking eagerly at the exposed skin on his neck.

Bill was slightly thrown off, his arms raising in surprise for a couple seconds as he felt the older man coddle his waist.

He felt as Tom pushed in-between his lock extensions to leave small kisses, even on the tattoo on the back of Bills neck.

Bill sighed, pulling Tom off a bit as he side eyed the man, admiring his cornrows and the small black lip ring that snuggly fit against Tom's lower lip.

"You're so clingy lately." Bill noted, tilting his head slightly while crossing his arms.

Tom had a soft look in his eyes, a look that told Bill nearly everything he needed to know.. but still left him at a bit of a confusion.

Bill didn't really have an edge to his tone but it was obvious he understood what Tom was asking for and he was definitely going to play with it.

He walked himself over to the couch, heavy boots clacking against the floor with every movement. The sound of his necklaces and pocket chains contributed to the noise, not very loudly but it was definitely audible.

He heard simply as Tom followed, like some sort of lost puppy.

Bill sat on the couch, his leather jacket making slight friction with the matching black leather couch. It was quiet, the room was lit dimly by lazy lamps in the corners of the room.. something Tom and Bill made an effort to keep soft and subtle in their living area.

"I just miss you." Tom lied, looking down at Bill on the couch. It made the boy raise and eyebrow when the soft tone left Toms lips.

Bill didn't say anything, almost at a lost. Not that it was generally surprising that Tom was 'soft' at the moment, it was sheerly just.. throwing Bill off a bit from his normal 'tough guy' demeanor. Especially since he had his cornrows. ( Which Bill couldn't deny he was utterly in love with.)

"Yeah?" Bill asked after a couple seconds of awkward silence.

"Prove it to me, Tom." Bill said, uncrossing his legs and spreading his knees slightly as he slumped a bit on the couch. He nudged Tom's leg with his boot, rubbing it up and down until Tom had gotten the memo to get on his knees.

Once the man had complied and sat himself between Bills legs, the younger of the two chuckled, shaking his head.

"Like a damn dog.." Bill remarked.

He waited a couple seconds to see that Tom wasn't moving forward to anything, just looking a bit nervously up at Bill.

"Come on, we've done this before, yeah?" Bill asked, cupping Tom's cheek and rubbing it a bit before unzipping his own somewhat flared, black jeans.

He watched as Tom hesitantly pulled him through his boxers, taking Bill into his mouth with experience. The boys back arched only slightly, feeling the foreign turf of Toms warm..wet mouth against his length. Something he always enjoyed.

He put his slender fingers on the back of Toms head, rubbing the tight hairstyle as a bit of encouragement while Tom worked his mouth.

God, it always felt amazing. Tom seemed to known how to do everything. Bill bit his lower lip, looking down to watch as Tom's head lifted and lowered.

"Good boy," Bill whispered. Tom nearly melted under Bill at that point.

Praise as always Toms weakness.. and that meant from everybody, especially in the belittling voice Bill always used on him. He felt his knees dig into the ground with Bills knees pressed against his upper arms.

After some time, Bill lifted Toms chin to make eye contact, noticing the small bit of precum that gathered in the one corner of Toms mouth. He giggled, wiping it with his thumb as he held Toms face. He pressed his thumb up against Tom's lips, feeling as the man opened and closed it around Bills finger.

"Good boooyy ..." Bill dragged out again, sitting up as he looked down at Tom on the carpet.

He watched as Tom put his own hand over Bills wrist, rubbing slightly. The man looked at the boy with such a look of awe and desperation. Bill leaned forward just enough to pinpoint the outline of Tom's erection through the baggy fabric of his jeans.

"Already?" Bill asked, cocking an eyebrow. Tom hesitantly answered.

"I-I just- .." he started after he pulled off of Bills finger.

Bill smirked, looking down and nudging the bulge with his boot. He heard as Tom made a quiet noise, it had instantly clicked to Bill that he had most of the control at the moment.

Bill kept his boot over Toms groin, pressing down a bit just to see how Tom could react. Hearing small moans he'd earned from it just coined Bill all manipulation over the situation now. Tom wrapped his hand around Bills shin/calve.. which made Bill smirk.

He felt as Tom pushed himself slightly up against Bills boot, desperate for any sort of relief as soon as possible.

"Sit where I am sitting." Bill ordered, fixing himself in his jeans before buttoning them and standing up.

He watched as Tom took his place. He immediately joined, sitting right next to the man on the couch on his knees.

Bill leaned over and kissed Toms cheek, feeling his hand creep across Bills back to pull him a bit closer. Of course, Bill was not settling for Tom to authorize any of the interaction.

The younger boy pushed his feathery hair back over his locks, massaging Tom gently through his jeans. He felt as the older twins body moved against his hand, pushing up slightly.

"You're so.. interesting." Bill commented, quietly. He heard Tom's deeper voice retort back.

"Please, just get over this rubby stuff.. just touch me?" He offered in a way that was like he was telling Bill.. which he sort of was.

Bill ignored him before an idea struck.

He looked up at Tom, gauging a reaction as he continued to palm the man, seeing him move a bit under the touch in a means of desperately just wanting to get off by Bill. Of course, eventually it would happen.. but Bill wanted to have a bit of fun first.

"Mm.. tell me when you're close." Bill whispered, pushing his hand into Toms jeans and massaging through the thin material of his boxers.

By now, he has felt Tom slightly twitching in his grasp, feeling him throb a bit before Tom squeezed Bill's lower back. Which made Bill remove his hand all together. He watched the pleasure drain from Toms face, contorting more to a look of confusion. He arched his back only slightly as he felt his tip dribble a bit of cum.. but not a lot, easily mistaken as precum.

He raised his eyebrows at Bill, looking quite sad. Bill just bit his lower lip, smirking.

"Huh.." Bill commented, pushing his hand back into Tom's jeans.

He nipped the man's neck a bit as Tom's hands roamed his thin frame, tickling under his shirt.

Bill teased his tip through the fabric, feeling the sticky residue seeping through it slowly as Tom's head laid against the fabric.

"So hard." Bill purred, earning a groan from Tom.

Bill pumped his hand a little faster, feeling as Tom's body gave the cues he was close again.. which just lead him to stop touching as soon as he was about to cum. He watched as Tom's face showed an ounce of frustration..

He put his hands on Bills ribs, toying with the cloth that covered his lanky body.

"Stop doing that." He mumbled out, pushing his hips up a bit to rub against Bills hand.

Bill lifted his hand, raising an eyebrow at Tom.

"Talk to me like that again and I'll stop all together." Bill hissed, an attempt at asserting dominance.. which seemed to work a bit since Tom recoiled at his sharp tone, sulking back a bit and waiting for Bill to touch him.

He was so hard now, all the teasing and edging was really getting to him at this point and there was probably nothing more he wanted than to simply just get off. He wanted to do it himself.. But Bills long nails, his thin fingers.. his pace, god, it was all perfect. It all felt amazing.

Everytime Bill had jerked him off it felt like the first time all over again, something Tom remembered thoroughly enjoying for a long time. He was a fan of the familiarity and the new feeling of their.. bond. Tom kinda missed it a bit, everything between them being fresh and working to explore all their interests.

Of course, now was amazing too. They were definitely as comfortable as ever with each other and that was pretty freeing, but new things were always fun.

"Sorry." Was all Tom mumbled, feeling Bills hand actually touch him now, his hand dug into Toms boxers as he moved to kissing Tom's neck.

His lips touched confidently, the man's skin.. sucking and leaving marks like always, just not such long lasting ones this time.

His wrist moved a bit as he toyed with Toms length, rubbing his thumb over the sticky head as he pleasured Tom.

It didn't help a bit that Bill was sitting on his knee, something Tom was always fond of for a couple reasons. He squeezed Bill's waist softly as he felt himself come close, biting his lower lip. Tom attempted to stay permanently quiet, not wanting to give Bill an idea of how good this felt.. but it was impossible.

He was whimpering softly under Bills touch, thinking the other boy didn't catch on.. when really, it was all Bill could focus on.

He never heard such noises from Tom before.. especially at such a simple thing as a handjob? .. whatever, it was a bit cute to him.

Bill felt Tom twitch again, bringing his opposite hand up to cover Tom's mouth as he felt him release.. the younger boy felt as Tom breathed hotly against his hand, pushing his hips up a bit to ride out the orgasm.

Feeling the warm sensation run along his hand, he kept pumping just a bit longer to make sure Tom had cum to his full potential, causing Bill to smirk at his older brothers immediate look of exhaustion.

He watched Toms eyes relax, narrow a bit as Bill dropped his hand to Toms neck, leaving a hungry kiss on his lips.

"You're so not done." Bill hissed quietly in his ear...

[kentuckyanarchist]

Songs of 2022

Year-end lists always seem doomed to become outdated. Am I really expected to have heard all the best songs of 2022 in 2022? It’s never going to work, they’ll seep through over the course of the following year or years. But giving it six weeks is better than nothing, so here we are in mid-late February.

1. Tomberlin, “Stoned”.

Stoned indeed: woozy, baffled, bodily undone.

2. Camp Cope, “Running with the Hurricane”.

Camp Cope perfected a bassy, blunt melancholy with How to Socialise & Make Friends; here they don’t so much break from that template as turn it to other—affirmative? aggressive?—purposes.

3. Caroline, “Good Morning (Red)”.

The year’s most something-new-on-every-listen song, its most capacious.

4. Christian Lee Hutson, “Age Difference”.

Lyric of the year: “Do my impression of John Malkovich critiquing food in prison / At first it isn’t funny, then it is, and then it isn’t.”

5. Big Thief, “Change”.

A panoply of possibilities on such a sprawling, immersive album by the absolute best in the game, but this most plaintive and stubborn lament just edges the rest.

6. Rachika Nayar ft. Maria BC, “Heaven Come Crashing”.

Sounds for the silentest disco.

7. The A’s, “Why I’m Grieving”.

A path not taken from an archive not delved-into; a peppy sad spurt of jolly heartbreak.

8. Black Country, New Road, “Snow Globes”.

I’m still not sure if this song’s about going mad, getting old, living through winter, all three, or none.

9. Arctic Monkeys, “Body Paint”.

Searching, insistent: like Alex Turner’s got you caught in a lie.

10. Stella Donnelly, “Cold”.

This could’ve been any of Stella Donnelly’s songs where the lilt of her voice is always dropping into conversationality, but this one, where she ends the conversation, full-stop, shuts me up the most.

11. Martha, “Irreversible Motion”.

So many of these songs are about little things, like the bones of the inner ear; this one maybe more than all the others.

12. Florist, “Red Bird Pt. 2 (Morning)”.

A delicate retrospective collage, a slow bashful loving appreciation, a puzzled amazed asking-why, a cautious comfort.

13. Aldous Harding, “Fever”.

Aldous Harding’s songs have this wonderful, dignified refusal to cohere; this one just lopes, or loafs, in and out of view.

14. Meg Baird, “Will You Follow Me Home?”.

The way Meg Baird’s vocals stay half-submerged here is what gets me: “Will You Follow Me Home?” goes from lazy river to maelstrom without you quite noticing.

15. Brian Eno, “Making Gardens Out of Silence”.

If you ask me, “Making Gardens Out of Silence” is a panorama from the time after humans, built from salvage by whatever-comes-next.

16. Hurray for the Riff Raff, “SAGA”.

A lot of these songs express a specifically 2022 kind of bafflement. “SAGA” doesn’t know how to get past this condition either, but it’s pushing against the boundaries.

17. Lana Del Rey, “Watercolor Eyes”.

You think you know someone’s schtick, but they surprise you.

18. Black Belt Eagle Scout, “My Blood Runs Through This Land".

Alternating between wordlessness and breathlessness, either way keeping on building to something.

19. Jake Xerxes Fussell, “Love Farewell”.

Stoic and stolid, Jake Xerxes Fussell bets on metaphor but could’ve made do with just rumble, growl and twinkle.

20. Ezra Furman, “Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club”.

Secret-telling in movie-theatre darkness.

21. Let’s Eat Grandma, “Happy New Year”.

Let’s Eat Grandma have the saddest synths but this one’s rose-coloured.

22. Joshua Burnside, “Louis Mercier”.

Time-travel klezmer-pop that jostles you like a cobbled towpath.

23. Beth Orton, “Weather Alive”.

When talking songs become singing songs so sylphlike and effortless.

24. Sault, “Life We Rent but Love Is Free”.

Sounds like certain small parts of London, for certain small moments, on busy summer days in the past.

25. Bill Callahan, “Coyotes”.

One for slickrock and sagebrush, which are not without their romance.

26. Yard Act, “Tall Poppies”.

A self-consciously small story, a kitchen-sink drama, a talking head, no denouément.

27. Angel Olsen, “All the Good Times”.

A rhinestone widescreen production, a road movie on a soundstage.

28. Beach House, “Hurts to Love”.

Generationally speaking, the ending of Skins series 1 still packs a fair bit of a punch, so rewriting “Wild World” by Cat Stevens makes more sense than you’d think.

29. The 1975, “The 1975”.

Imagine taking “All My Friends” and making it about your cock and it’s still good; that takes rare talent.

30. Craig Finn, “Birthdays”.

Comforting because it really is nice to know there’s someone in this world who’s always known you, and comforting because it’s Craig Finn doing Craig Finn stuff with his big dumb Craig Finn voice.

31. Julia Jacklin, “Lydia Wears a Cross”.

A bodily song: knees, eyes, clothes, adornments.

32. Anaïs Mitchell, “On Your Way (Felix Song)”.

You get the sense Anaïs Mitchell finds nothing all that difficult—eulogising, philosophising, doing justice to a life, picking out the pithiest reminiscences, in just under three minutes she bowls it all over.

33. Billy Woods, “Pollo Rico”.

Intrusive thoughts, compulsion to repeat. A personal history of madness.

34. Bright Eyes, “Arc of Time (Time Code) (Companion Version)”.

This year Bright Eyes re-recorded some of the songs from the 2000s I love/hate the most. “Arc of Time” gets remade without the beats or the keys, but stays smart and wry and death stays on its mind. 

35. Fred again.., “Berwyn (all that i got is you)”.

Fred again..’s songs are urban explorations, entries to London’s subterrene.

36. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, “Spitting Off the Edge of the World”.

Cosmic.

37. The Big Moon, “Ladye Bay”.

Supersized, tectonic.

38. Drive-By Truckers, “The Driver”.

Grimy, grunting noir.

39. Ethel Cain, “American Teenager”.

D. H. Lawrence would’ve liked Ethel Cain and her Great American Hauntedness.

40. Girlpool, “Butterfly Bulletholes”.

Such a shame to lose Girlpool in 2022 but they were four or five bands in just two people, they gave us a lot.

41. The Beths, “Expert in a Dying Field”.

This one speaks for itself.

42. Nilüfer Yanya, “Shameless”.

Breathless, almost somehow fleshless, rattling ribcage xylophone.

43. Mesadorm, “Soap Opera”.

Skew-whiff boiler-hiss robot pop.

44. Porridge Radio, “Back to the Radio”.

Porridge Radio’s skills are in cacophony, cataclysm, crisis, ruination, disaster mismanagement.

45. Wet Leg, “Too Late Now”.

Every introspection needs a wise-crack or two.

46. Wilco, “Tired of Taking It Out on You”.

Aged 29, I had chickenpox recently; I recovered but it’s made looking in the mirror interesting, all these new small markings on the same face.

47. Plains, “Hurricane”.

The lyrics to “Hurricane” read like an apology, but Katie Crutchfield’s voice always sounds a little barbed to me; that’s what makes this work, I think.

48. Daniel Avery, “Higher”.

Frenetic travel in place.

49. Kevin Morby, “Bittersweet, TN”.

Kevin Morby hits all the requirements, he straight-A’s being a country singer.

50. Beabadoobee, “You’re Here That’s the Thing”.

In 2023 I resolve to continue to love silly rhymes, campfire rhythms, dewdrops and holding hands.

[kwockxpressions]

Binh Do

1. Name, Year, Major & Hometown

Binh, 2nd year, History and Economics, Fountain Valley

2. What are you most proud of? 

I am most proud of my dog Coco. He is a small black maltipoo who is just my clone, he is very short and energetic like me. He also likes to take fights that he can't win such as barking at german shepherds which is also like me but that's what makes life fun.

3. If you could choose a Sanrio character as a pet, which one would it be and why? 

I would have the egg one because if I got desperate I could get a quick snack and a cute friend! Plus I like him cuz he's lazy which means he won't be too clingy.

4. What is the biggest green flag in someone? 

When a person is able to communicate their feelings instead of letting them bottle up inside until the pressure is too much and they blow up in your face and then they say that you were the reason for all of this frustrated emotions despite you doing this for basically 3 months and they didn't say anything so like broski how am i supposed to know you didn't like it when I texted good morning like if you just said to stop I would've. lol!

5. What’s your biggest ick? 

When people use the wrong your or you're.

6. If you were Kirby, who/what would you swallow and become? 

I would swallow Grent Perez because his voice is so smooth.

7. What’s the most embarrassing moment in your life? 

I pissed myself in a karate class when I was 6 because I was too afraid to ask to use the bathroom.

8. When’s the last time you cried? 

The beginning of Winter Quarter.

9. What’s your most used emoji? 

Lately it has been the crying emojii or the monkey covering its eyes

10. What do you value in friendship and tell me about your best friend? 

The one thing I value in friendship is tolerance, not in the sense that you have to agree and validate every thought that everyone has, but just giving every line of reasoning a chance. This is different from just allowing somebody to speak and then immediately trying to argue with them, with tolerance one goes into a discussion with a mindset not to change the other party's mind, but instead just to listen and understand their reasoning then share one's own reasoning. My best friend embodies this trait to the fullest as while we don't necessarily have the same outlook or always agree on different beliefs, he always hears me out and actually considers how I came to my conclusion before coming to his own thoughts and disagreements. He never tries to belittle me or thinks less of me as a person just because I have a different outlook on life than he does, and he never pushes boundaries to get me to try to agree with him. We both agree that we are just two monkeys existing together and monkeys will do what they do and go in their own different paths and collect their own monkey thoughts, monkeys should not try be above one another and believe that their ideals and morals are greater than another monkeys, because at the end of the day we are all just cute monkeys chasing that glorious banana. So in conclusion, what I value in a friend is a monkey that does not try to instill the flawed logic of moral hierarchy, but just another monkey that will sit down and enjoy another banana with his fellow monkey.

[demonslayedher]

Hey!! Hope you are doing well and having fun with the Sword research!!

So, in the Mugen Train Drama CD when Kyojuro is talking to Senjuro about Ruka he mentions that her favorite play is the “Hagoromo Play”. I only looked up the synopsis on Wikipedia but it feels like this play wasn’t put in the script randomly. The way it talks about the mantle, passage of night and the dance Hagoromo performs sounds a lot like things that could make Ruka associate it with Demon Slaying even though she isn’t a slayer. What are your thoughts on the play and it’s narrative commentary if there is any?

Take care of yourself! I always enjoy seeing your research and art! ❤️

Thanks! I am done with overwhelming humbling sword research... for now. <3 Let's dive back into some Noh instead! First, some considerations regarding Ruka being a fan: this is not entertainment for the masses. In fact, it's so high brow that it's something it's to be appreciated rather for its spiritual messages, usually of the strictly straight-and-narrow style of moralistic teaching. While its sibling theater form, Kyogen, has the same goes of moralistic teaching through theater, Kyogen was meant to appeal to the tastes of the masses while Noh was considered something more suitable for the dignified samurai class. Rather than focus so heavily on content, it is written a way that encompasses pauses or open spaces, called 間 (ma). You could think of this as the use of white space in a graphic design, which serves to draw focus the content; it gives the eyes a break to better process the message. In Noh, this is reflective sections of the movement and sound. Following a Noh drama seriously is almost like a guided meditation, and we know from Mugen Ressha's Taisho Secrets that Ruka was very experienced with hardcore meditation. She probably had a deep appreciation for the physical and spiritual self-discipline Noh performance requires. Sort of an aside, in the Kimetsu Academy AU it seems she stays busy as a calligraphy teacher, which is a testament to her own self-discipline.

While the first fanbook states that Kyojuro's hobbies are appreciating Noh, Kabuki, and Sumo (the latter two of which can be much more elating) and it's nice to think he picked up some of this from Ruka's influence, I have to wonder whether Shinjuro watched Noh with Ruka because he was also brought up with an appreciation for highbrow theater, or if he was a simp and accompanied her even if he was bored. It'd be fun to say both, but I lean more toward the former.

As for this particular play, "Hagoromo" being her favorite, I think it wasn't chosen so much for why Ruka personally would had appreciated it, but because of how it can symbolize Ruka and Shinjuro's relationship.

The basic idea is that a fisherman finds the heavenly garment (hagoromo) of a heavenly maiden, and it turns out she was bathing nearby and cannot return to heaven without her robe. He initially refuses to give it to her, but she eventually gets it back and leaves him. In describing it this way, I have described many, many, many different versions of the same "Swan Maiden"-esque story, but we'll get to more of the details of Noh version momentarily. I'd like to pause here to say my first thought was "Oh, it's like Ruka being confined to heaven and Shinjuro on earth being unable to reunite with her, and they have two sons like in that one Zhinü and Niulang version," but it's worth nothing that my first thought skipped many, many in-between thoughts. Scholars have often pointed out the similarities between Hagoromo stories and various versions of the Cowherd & Weaving Maiden legend, which has Chinese origins but unique iterations across East Asia. Although the similarities, and therefore the dramatic "tragically separated lovers" influence, are part of why I feel Ufotable chose to mention this Noh play, we'll focus on the Noh play content.

You can watch an 18 minute edit of the play here. Unfortunately, there are no English captions available for the insightful Japanese commentary. Sigh.

To break it down in more detail, in this version of the story, a fisherman named Hakuryo finds the beautiful garment and means to take it home as a treasure, and then the heavenly maiden (Tennyo) tells him to give it back, for without it she cannot return to heaven. He's like, 'oh, well if it's this much of a treasure, than I really can't part with it, because after all, I am but a wretched fisherman' and then she nearly crumbles with grief. He feels bad about it and decides to give it back, which makes her filled with joy.

However, he can't give it back without a condition. He agrees to give it back if she'll show him her renowned dance. She agrees, on the condition that she be given her robes first. He turns sour again, saying that he'll never see the dance if he does that, because she'll leave as soon as he gives it back to her. She chides him for this attitude, saying how there is no such thing as deceit in the heavens. Seeing the error of his ways is his big spiritual enlightenment in this drama, he humbly returns the hagoromo to her, and then she performs a wondrous dance and disappears by ascending Mt. Fuji and faded into the mist.

Some common themes between this version and other Hagoromo stories is that even if he is not a fisherman, the man who takes the garment is typically of a low status. This makes me think of how Shinjuro saw himself as wretched and worthless. What's also a common theme is that the man always makes an attempt to keep the garment, thereby keeping the heavenly maiden bound to earth--in many versions, as his wife. This makes me think of how desperately Shinjuro wanted to keep Ruka bound to earth too. In the end, the heavenly maiden often does manage to reattain her robes, such as finding where her husband hid it, and she very suddenly returns to heaven. Predictably, this makes me think of Ruka's death.

What sticks out in this Noh version is how the encounter is a positive experience for both the fisherman and for the Tennyo. While many Noh drama are sobering reminders of the fragility of life and human morality, in this one, the Tennyo is very honestly joyful about recovering her stolen robe, and Hakuryo is honestly moved and changed for the better by the experience, even if it did reveal his character faults along the way. To Shinjuro, Ruka was like a heavenly maiden who was wise and had all the influence on the goodness in their childrens' personalities, and he also fell to shameful lows before a spiritual turnaround in his own character.

Sure, Ruka may have appreciated the beauty that came out through the self-discipline of the Tennyo's dance enough to want to watch it multiple times, but in the long, long run, I think the story would have had a deeper impact on Shinjuro.

[elysianslove]

Hi! <3 I'm the roomate hc anon again (lol) and can I request best friends to lovers hc for iwaizumi, kuroo and oikawa? Also this blog is gonna blow up soon so remember me when you're famous bro 😌✊️❤️

OMG HI AGAIN! i’m so sorry this is late :( but oh my the excitement that flooded through me when i saw this request hsvhjsd. i really hope you enjoy this!! also vshdks i luv u bb THANK YOU.

iwaizumi hajime

im making these as detailed as fuck so i apologize in advance <3

becoming best friends with hajime was a very out of the blue thing 

the two of you shared a lot of classes together, and since you were always seeing each other, you’d choose each other as partners a lot 

you’d sit next to him in all the classes that you could

you’d meet up a lot during school breaks and just hang out 

you two clicked very well honestly, like you found that it was so easy to talk to him, and it was so easy to lose yourself in the conversation 

most of your convos are v mature and sophisticated too like

it’s nice when you can talk to someone on the same brain wavelength as you yk 😼

anyways overtime you’d come to his practice sessions, and even if they were long you’d just stay and watch bc why not

if you had hw to do and he noticed you were a lil stressed about it, he’d tell u to come study while he practiced as a change of scenery and all 

he’d walk you home almost every night at this point

oikawa noticing and being jealous <3 

“they’re stealing you from me!” “they’re not— what is wrong with you oikawa.” 

okay so this best friend stuff has been going on for a long time

long enough for you to realize you wanted more from him

but this is iwaizumi hajime and it’s almost impossible to know what he’s thinking 

like

ever 

so you just keep it to yourself, thinking it’s just a small crush and it’s not worth ruining what the two of you have at this rate 

so all this had happened first year, and when you’re nearing the end of your second year

that’s when you realize that

shit

it’s not just a crush

and when you have feelings for someone, every little thing they do expands a million times in your head

so a hug from him that you’d once never go over twice has you thinking about it as you go to sleep

the hoodies he’d lend you during practice while you stayed in the gym bc it was ungodly cold in there now send tingles down your spine at the lingering scent of him

the way he’d grab your hand to drag you somewhere now leave a heavy effect on your palm, forcing you to trace it once he’s gone 

his texts give you butterflies 

every time his name pops up on your phone screen you have a mini heart attack

and yeah

those are all symptoms of a crush

but is a crush meant to last this long? 

at the start of your third year, you greet him outside of the school gates after not seeing you all summer

he smiles so bright and hugs you so, so tightly 

you already are so hyperaware of how strong iwa is

but the feelings you have for him that won’t go away are so not helping your fixation on the feel of his biceps 

anyways before this becomes v nsfw 

you two catch up like u had met yesterday 

and then at the end of the day, after practice, which you stay for bc u missed ur vbc boys 🥺

he walks you home 

like always

and as he stands by your front door, in a burst of courage, he takes your hand in his and pulls you harshly towards him, pushing his body against yours and capturing your lips in a heated kiss

it’s so messy and harsh and you pretty much collided 

but holy shit

you were pretty sure fireworks erupted when you two kissed

years of pining and what had felt like unrequited love finally being resolved 

it’s the most satisfying feeling ever

you never want to stop kissing him

but alas </3 

when he pulls back, you’re both breathing so heavily 

you’re not sure if it’s the adrenaline or the kiss itself 

and he just looks at you and goes “did u tan while you’re away ur eyes look brighter” 

no sir i am in love with you

when you two officiate things 

he’s actually way shyer than he was as best friends??? 

like as best friends he wouldn’t feel slightly weird about hugging you in public or grabbing at your hand randomly or being seen alone with you

but now like

people know ??? and somehow that scares iwa 

or makes him uncomfortable 

idk he just feels iffy

but ur so understanding bless ur heart <3 

ur so careful with him and take it at his own pace 

zero pda at the start of the relationship 

like he won’t even wanna hug u in front of the seijoh team 

but slowly he warms up 

and he starts getting more comfortable with things like hand holding and occasional pecks on the cheek/lips 

your traditions as best friends don’t die as lovers 

if anything you believe in them even more 

now you watch more diligently during practice 

you proudly attend his games in his jersey, cheering the loudest for him (and for the rest of the boys bc they: best) 

walks home with you are so much more serene 

always gives you a kiss before he parts ways 

idk it’s like some sort of commemoration for your first kiss/confession 

unless you invite him inside 😏

this is so fucking long im so sorry i just love iwa 

anyways anybody want boyfriend!iwa headcanons i got a lot hehe 

to conclude, it was so gradual and inevitable with the two of you, and you’re forever glad it happened when it did and you hadn’t rushed anything <3333

oikawa tōru

unlike hajime, this wasn’t something that took one or two years

this bitch couldn’t admit he was in love with you for like 10 years okay 

you’ve known him for the majority of your life, because you’d always lived in close proximity to each other 

but you were never best friends yk? just acquaintances 

it was around the end of middle school when you two got close

cause you saw he was applying to aoba johsai for high school

and you were like !!! i’m going there too 

at first he was like stop copying me 😾 

you guys had a staring contest bc y’all are idiots and there were legit tears streaming down ur face but u were not about to lose to a pissbaby like him

he blinked 😁👍🏼

and he lost 

and then he decided “you’re my best friend now ” 

anyways aside iwa, he now had someone else he was going into high school with

like it’s a completely new environment but he had two people he very much liked going with him !!! 

when the time came around to like apply for/join clubs, you had been so clueless 

but toru stuck by you !! and he was so adamant on helping you !! 

he would sit with you after school as he practiced tossing with hajime and just brainstorm with you what you liked to do

it’s what brought you two closer together

cause you realized just how many things in common you had with him 

for a full week he tried to help you come up with something

for the sake of this hc let’s say u decide to join the newsletter club 

you’re very wary at first but then he’s like when ur part of it you’ll visit the vbc regularly so u can take pictures/observe to write essays 

the fact that toru would be there kinda set you at ease 

now you’ve never seen toru play properly 

he’s practiced in front of you before

plenty of times

but a proper match? or a practice one? 

never 

so it’s safe to say u were in awe when you got assigned to go watch a practice match against (idk pick a school) 

it’s embarrassing to admit but your eyes were on him the entire time 

thank god he became the captain later on else it’d be so sus 

you really tried to pay attention to anybody else lmfao 

it’s kinda what drew you to him more

you still didn’t really have feelings

you only realized just how passionate he is about everything 

at some point you had an essay to write for your newsletter about the volleyball club

but you were having a hard time like really getting into it

so you immediately just called toru and were like “help 😃” 

he came over and you asked him a bunch of questions, and he would go on deadass 20 min rants for each of them

you were just 

so amazed 

like how could someone have so much passion for something like this?

you realize how but that’s for later

overtime you two got closer bc of how much your work was associated with him

he’s incredible as a best friend 

he’s the first one with the school’s weekly newsletter as soon as it’s out

granted it’s to read the section about him but yk, the sentiment’s there 

also love, love, loves lazy days with you 

he doesnt even care if the boys know that he worships the chick flicks you two watch 

i feel like oikawa would be an avid anime watcher

idk why i just do 

so he’d be blasting anime theme songs on a speaker as you’re in the shower and he’s in your room waiting for you and you’re both just singing w the sound of water rushing down 

actually it’s not just anime songs it’s all songs 

a l l songs 

anyways

so you two get really close, and then he has a super important match coming up 

let’s say it’s the spring interhigh one against karasuno

the one they won

idk im just choosing at random 

and the night before he’s like begging you on text to wear his jersey

he’s like PLEASE NO ONE’S EVER DONE THAT FOR ME

you’re like bruh u have a cult following ????? 

but eventually u say yes

ur not really sure where it’s coming from but this is oikawa he’s an unpredictable as can be

when you show up in a jersey he so conveniently left at your house once

he’s so genuinely shocked even though he was the one that asked for this???

gives you the biggest hug like spins you around and just 

“you’re my lucky charm” 

when he wins 

after celebrating with his team

he runs over to you

and just

he kisses you

full on the mouth

it’s probably the rush and excitement of winning that gave him the courage to finally spill all his feelings out into this kiss

you’re in his jersey, in the stands and you genuinely feel like it’s only just the two of you

despite how sudden it was the kiss is so gentle, like he’d been planning it since forever 

“i told you you’re my lucky charm” he says as he rests his forehead against yours and kisses you gently again

oikawa had already been affectionate as your best friend

always displaying his love outwardly with like always calling out your name so loud whenever he sees you and giving you bone crushing hugs

deadass his 6’0 self will just jump on you 

but now it’s extra

makki always gags around the two of you but you just stick ur tongue out at him and go “ur just mad ur best friend’s getting some pussy/dick and ur not” 

makki then proceeds to shriek at you like a fucking banshee <3 

anyways 

yes 

oikawa best friends to lovers excellence is so cute eeeekkk

and now u always wear his jersey at games 

(u couldnt make it to the game against karasuno where they lost for whatever reason and he held it against u for the longest time)

(���maybe if a certain someone were there we wouldn’t have lost”)

what a big baby you love him

kuroo tetsurō

AH SEXY CHEMISTRY NERD 👅👅👅

kuroo as ur best friend 

im frothing 

i feel like you’d grow close after meeting at an event or something 

like you’re a friend of a friend of a friend 

i see kuroo as someone who’s so suave and cool and flirty with people he doesn’t have feelings for

but put the crush factor in and he’s a mess

like his brain just stops working

so when he first met you

he thought u were so fucking hot 

but that’s it

his lower body was doing all the thinking <3 

so he was so flirty 

and that’s essentially what your friendship is built off of 

and when friends are so flirty with each other, they generally grow close and trust each other really quickly 

ur not a nekoma student but ur in tokyo so you meet up often 

you just

it’s so nice to be around him

you find it so easy to just be yourself around him 

going out with him is super fun 

and a lot of the times you guys have study dates and you literally don’t talk except during the 10 min breaks you two take

it’s just hyper focus for the two of you which is great

he really channels the best student in you what a man ! 

i think during your third year of high school you two got insanely close

because you were highly unsure if you were gonna leave japan or stay 

so you wanted to make the most out of everything 

so you’d go out with him more often

he’d stay during the weekends and you two would like bake christmas goods all night even if it’s literally september lmfao

cuddling is so natural 

like you’re both so touchy with each other but not in a weird way just a super comfortable kind of way

like if you’re shorter than him, he’s always leaning his arm on you like you’re his arm rest 

it’s a win win bc he gets to touch you and tease you

wow the horny really jumped out in that one

anyways

you go to every single one of his games !!

cheer him on so!! fucking!! loud!!

you probably make a provocative sign and stand a chair and just wave it around and kuroo’s so heart eyes lmfao

the climb up to becoming lovers is so

natural? 

i think kuroo first realizes that maybe, yk, he wants those flirtatious comments to mean something and those random touches to hold more romantic value to them, when you two are out together

it’s a completely chill day and it’s not really warm not really chilly. you’re just comfortable 

he takes you to a park after buying the both of you ice cream from the stand across the street and sits down at a bench with you

just people watching 

and then it kinda goes really silent

but 

it’s not awkward??? like at all???

he’s not looking to fill the silence with any random words

he’s just

enjoying simply being with you

and he glances at you momentarily and it hits him like so hard just how pretty you are 

his eyes slightly widen like

holy fuck

what the f u ck

remember when i said he’s all cool until feelings come into play

yeah 😼

he literally freezes up and blurts out, without even meaning to, “i think i have feelings for you.” 

he really didnt even process he said that

you kinda

pause for a second

and then you realize what you said and you just smile and lean over towards him, lifting your thumb up to the corner of his lips and brushing away some ice cream

“you think?” you tease, and then at the spot where the ice cream was misplaced, you placed a gentle kiss

he kinda relaxes and then eyes you as he says, “i know.” 

it is just. heaven after that

i think the two of you would be less flirty around each other once becoming official 

like yeah he definitely comments once or twice every now and then and don’t get me wrong, so do you

but it’s just less frequent 

like a blanket has been lifted to uncover the true, hidden meanings behind the comments and you can now just breathe easier 

you two end up in the same uni on accident hevejsk

like you had a long ass talk about how it’s okay if you didn’t end up in the same uni you’d still make it work

and it would’ve worked tbh

fate just ships you two too much

when you told each other you were literally that spiderman meme of the two spidermen pointing at each other lmao

power couple of the uni

power couple of tokyo

power couple of japan

you’re literally so happy with him you wouldn’t trade him for the world 

and maybe you saw it coming 

but it still remains a shock whenever you wake up and he’s there laying next to you, smiling lazily at you before reaching over to give you a gentle kiss 

anyways happy early birthday king i love you kuroo hehe

end note; i really had a lotta fun w this one omg!! thank you again for requesting, anon, and i hope everybody else enjoyed!! feel free to request, mwah <3

[burnedbyshoto]

life is not a shoujo manga

— Kaibara believes that his life with you could be a shoujo manga. Why? One, he’s in love with you and two, you work at a maid cafe he is prohibited from visiting. But nothing happens in life without doing what you’re told NEVER to do.

⋄���⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

pairing: kaibara sen x fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, modern!au, reader is a sex worker, maid cafe but make it kinky, dubcon (spoiler: reader just services kaibara despite his embarrassment), semipublic sex, master and maid dynamic/kink, blow job, sex on a table, marking

word count: 4,570

a/n: this is for the bnharem collab for sex work lmaoooo, this was hella inspired by maid-sama,,, kinda sorta, not really, but hey!!!! check out the rest of the masterlist and I hope you enjoy this!!! happy birthday to me :D

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Kaibara Sen was pretty confident in the fact that he was not in a shoujo manga.

There are, however, some claims that he can unashamedly admit make him believe that he might be in one. Here is his gathered evidence:

1. He had a crush on a girl (you) that was practically written to be nothing more than a crazy, hopeful fantasy.

Explanation:

Kaibara has known you for his entire life, but you, the airheaded, mind focused on only those around you, had never noticed him. You were bright, intelligent, witty, with blazing eyes and a curling smile, you were an enigma in the world, and he was a bystander just waiting for a day when you would notice him. Popular as you were, Kaibara knew he stood no chance at ever playing a role in your life. There was no room for his initial stoic personality, the way that he walks away from you as you near because, god forbid, you see his ears tinge pink.

All in all, you never knew he existed, and his crush would have to remain one-sided and unknown. But you see, reason number two is yet a testament to his denied belief that he lives a shoujo manga.

2. He had gained your attention one day by catching you one day when you tripped off a brick wall.

Explanation:

Talk about falling into the arms of the one you’re destined for! Kaibara had been walking home from the end of his first year of high school, and as he turned a corner, there came a yell and he looked up to see a body plummeting towards him. With adrenaline coursing through his veins and superhuman strength supplying him the strength and ability to catch you, Kaibara caught you bridal style. He held you there for a few moments, the air suddenly blowing and the blossoming cherry blossoms swirling with the winds. He swore your eyes brightened at the moment you locked eyes.

3. He had a (former) love rival.

Explanation:

Pretty self-explanatory, Kaibara would admit. Before his introduction to you, another male student in your class had been essentially building up his intentions to ask you out. Kaibara wasn’t one to step on people’s toes; he respected people too much and often just didn’t want to spend energy where he thought was unnecessary. But you were never unnecessary. Kaibara wanted you and found himself clashing heads with this other love rival, but he seemed to have won the moment Kaibara was accepted into the same university as you.

4. You were working at a maid cafe.

Explanation:

Kaibara did not have an older sister for no reason. Maid-Sama and Ouran Highschool Host Club were constantly on repeat when he was growing up! Because of this selected memory and application, he believed that time and time again, whenever maids were involved — or any type of service job — it was shoujo material.

Four points and that was four more points than most romances, and Kaibara was convinced that he was in line to become the main star of a real-life adaption of some obscure shoujo manga. All he had to do now was seal the deal and get you, his now best friend of nearly four years, to fall in love with him.

“I have work tonight,” you sigh from your place on Kaibara’s bed, your face twisted in a dissatisfied pout, feet kicking a bit on the mattress. 

“Call out,” Kaibara simply replied, his head resting upon yours as you both watched an old All Might film. “I don’t understand why the maid cafe is open so late anyways. Who’s even awake and wanting to go out?”

You chuckle at his words, fingers tapping on your thigh — as they do when you’re a bit nervous.

“It’s a cafe for foreigners and people who are up late,” you repeat the same line you always say when Kaibara asks why you would go in so late. “It works out, and it pays well.”

“How long is your shift tonight?”

“Ten until three.”

Kaibara groans, “that’s rough.”

You snicker a bit in unknown irony, “you have no idea.”

Time passes, and Kaibara realizes that it’s nearly nine-thirty by the time you pull away from the small mirror on Kaibara’s desk (he bought it so that you could do your makeup in his room), and he looks at you in your beautiful form. You looked ethereal in the makeup, big eyes, and painted pretty lips. You turned to look at him, a grand grin painting your lips, and for whatever reason, a spoof of unspoken for confidence, Kaibara feels himself speaking before he can stop himself.

“Go on a date with me? Next weekend?”

You froze, before chuckling, lips splayed in a lazy grin, “you’d want to date a maid?”

“Undoubtedly.”

Kaibara watched as you flustered a bit, teeth tugging and tearing into your lower lip as you shook your head. “You’re a dork, Sen,” you push back a strand of hair as you stand up, “but let me think about it? As much as I love the idea of potentially being your girlfriend, I need to think about how you would feel about my job.”

And Kaibara smiled despite himself, his mind thinking about how sometimes shoujo protagonists often deny their own feelings at first. Not that his life was a shoujo manga anyways.

“I can do that.”

You laugh, the sound pretty and light on his ears, and you shake your head. Kaibara warmed at the sound and stood up too, already knowing that it was time for you to leave.

“Alright, but I must leave you now, my eternal love,” you grin, speaking with a mock accent. Your arms open for your goodbye hug he has since been accustomed to giving you when you both went separate ways. “I bid thee well when I’m away for the week.”

Ah yes, you would be gone for an entire week on account of a school trip you were taking.

“I do not know how I may live without you at my side, but I will try,” Kaibara spoke back with a low accent, too, his smile hidden in your neck as he hugged you near. “Have a good shift, and be safe on your trip.”

“Obviously!”

Two things about your job besides the obvious (that it was a maid cafe) that Kaibara knew.

1. You made a lot of money there.

He wasn’t all too sure as to why. He’s been to a maid cafe before and has definitely been called Kaibara-sama by pretty-faced females in French maid costumes. He knew that it was a popular place for otaku men and foreigners, but he also knew that pay range-wise, it wasn’t that much better than a typical waitress job.

2. Under no circumstances should he, or anyone for that matter, follow you to work or try to see you while you worked.

This made sense to Kaibara even if he didn’t particularly agree. There was no denying that he wanted to see you in a maid costume, he’d be a liar if he said otherwise, but he realized how embarrassing it could be for you. The fact that he knew where you worked was good enough for him.

Kaibara sighed, his body collapsing onto his bed, and he pulled out his phone. He checked the time on his phone and smiled, seeing that at this point, you were already at work because you sent a text saying that you had arrived. A small notification warning him that his phone was about to die pinged on his screen, and he frowned, hand reaching for his charger.

But instead of the white cord, his hand grasped onto the rose gold charging cable he knew was yours. You needed the charging cable; you were leaving on a trip basically right after work! Kaibara’s mouth twisted, weighing his options in his head. He knew that you had no other charging cables; you had a knack for breaking them without meaning to. 

Shaking his head, he stood up.

This was about your charger for your phone.

It would be okay! He would simply step foot into the maid cafe, hand your coworker (he was hopeful he would see you) your charger, and leave! He wouldn’t stay! Nope! Not at all.

Kaibara nodded at his resolution and pocketed your charger before turning on his heel and marching out of his room.

It took a bit to get to the cafe.

Fushi’s Maid Cafe is what it was called.

Its hours of operation were quite weird, at the very least in Kaibara’s opinion. On its website, it said that it was open between 11 am and 5 pm, a reasonable range for its demographic; however, there were many times in which you would go in much later in the night. You were in a 10 pm until 3 am shift after all.

It was currently midnight as the trains were down for the night, and Kaibara had resolved to walk a near hour to drop off your charger. He didn’t really mind, especially if he sees you in that costume.

‘No!’ Kaibara thought, ‘you’re in a shoujo manga, not a hentai!’

He frowned, remembering to continue to claim that he was not living in a shoujo manga, and strode to the door. Confidence in every step, his game plan being repeated time and time again. 

Kaibara swung open the door, readying himself to hear the onslaught of a chorus of ‘Welcome home, Master!’ but instead… oh…

He froze.

“F-Fukuda-samaaaaa!”

He blinked.

And as the door closed behind him, the most fucked out, blissful voice that he had only heard in his wettest of dreams called out, “Welcome home, Kaibara-sama…”

Kaibara locked eyes with you sitting alone at a table, your eyes laced with blissful lust, lips pouty and wet. The maid costume you had on exposed your beautiful breasts, shoving the curves, the tender flesh, and your sweat shined softly off it. Kaibara felt his breathing become shallower yet deeper as the sounds of meeting wet sex, lewd cries, the maids begging for more, demanding more. The clients — the masters — speaking in tongues as they fucked the women against the chairs, tabletops, anything in which they could balance. 

Oh.

It made sense why you never wanted anyone to follow you to work.

Kaibara had been so caught up in the scene before him, the somehow sex maid cafe themed orgy (sexy party? But there was no group sex minus the man in the back fucking three maids!) that he hadn’t noticed you approach him. He tensed yet again when your hands fisted into his shirt, your warm breath brushing against his exposed collarbones, a curling sweetness emitting from your person and knocking his breath away yet again.

“Kaibara-sama, I never expected you to finally come. I’ve missed you,” you whine, pressing your body so close to his. Your stocking-covered thighs were brushing against his slowly awakening dick. 

“Y-Y/n,” Kaibara stuttered, and he winced at how not part of the plan that was. “I-I thought this was a maid cafe?”

“We are a maid cafe,” you sigh as if he was asking an amusing yet dumb question. Your arms wrapping around his neck, and hips rolling against his. “We service our masters however they see fit! I wanna help Kaibara-sama feel good now that he’s here.”

Kaibara hisses under his breath, the feeling of your thigh rubbing against his growing dick insatiable as it is slightly uncomfortable due to the rough fabric of his jeans. “I’m here to drop off your charger! You forgot it! I-I’m leaving after this.”

You grin, your laughter bell-like in his ear as you nuzzle your nose against the smooth curve of his neck. “I left it there on purpose; I wanted Kaibara-sama to follow me here and see if he could still love me like this.” Goosebumps flash across his body, and Kaibara whines at the back of his throat as you begin walking backward, taking him to the table where you once sat. “I never wanted Kaibara-sama to see me like this, never wanted Kaibara-sama to see and know what a big whore I am before he confessed his feelings to me. But Kaibara-sama followed me to my work and didn’t run away… I’m so blessed.”

Your hands landed on his chest, and Kaibara yelped as you shoved him onto the spacious, comfortable chair before the table. Your teeth bit into your lower lip, eyes practically glowing with lust as a single sleeve began descending from your shoulder.

Kaibara suddenly forgot how to breathe.

“I’m at your service, Kaibara-sama,” you whisper, eyelashes fluttering. “How may I help you?”

Kaibara was going to respond eloquently and affirmatively that he didn’t need you to service him, but the Kaibara-sama sounded so lovely.

“I— um, well— I— ohmygoD!” 

Kaibara nearly leaped out of his own skin as you pushed his knees apart and kneeled before him. Your eyes locked on his before glancing down to the prominent bulge in his pants. You grin, fingers stretching out and eagerly unbuttoning his jeans and pulling out his hard cock in less than ten seconds.

“Wowwww,” you breathe, eyes lighting up at the still hardening dick you were holding in your hands. “Kaibara-sama… you’re so big!”

You stared at the easily nine-inch dick in your hands, the slight curve to it making your core burn, and the bluish veins dancing under the skin making your mouth water. He was better than what you had expected him to be, and you wanted to know how he tasted, how he felt in your mouth and your pussy. 

His erratic breathing caught your attention, and you looked back up at him, the scarlet on his cheeks, the expression that told you that he was battling instinct and morals. It was up to you, his maid, to make the decision for him, it seemed.

“I’ll take good care of you, Kaibara-sama,” you promised, heart hammering in your chest as you leaned forward, and without much of an issue, swallowed at least half of his cock.

Kaibara’s reaction is instantaneous; the near howl of pleasure and surprise ripping from his throat is a sound you’re almost unfamiliar with. He was such a serious man; even when he was comfortable and energetic, there was a sense of seriousness to him. There was a time, however, that you remember him being near-feral, demanding, excited. It was when there was a competition or when his feelings truly and utterly overcame him. You smiled around his cock, your teeth barely scraping the length of his cock, and giggled.

You overwhelmed him.

But there was no time for celebrations, no time to think about how you were serving your master to the best you could; his hands were suddenly fisted into your hair, and his hips rolled up into you, fucking your throat. Tears sprung in your eyes, the uncomfortable sensation of his cock flushes down your throat, pressing so heavy on your tongue.

“F-Fuck, this feels so fucking good!” Kaibara gasps, his eyebrows scrunching and hips lifting off the seat to continue face fucking you. 

You relax your throat as best you can, chokes and gags pittering out of your mouth despite your best attempts. You hum, forcing your throat to allow the tip of his cock to go even further down your throat. Kaibara moans loudly, the noises he makes dripping down your back, making you feel sweaty, hot, and flush. His noises stir the heat between your thighs, making one of your hands go down beneath the layers of your puffy skirt to press to your throbbing clit, desperate to relieve the building, untouched tension.

“No!” Kaibara hisses, a single hand leaving your head to grab onto your wandering hand and bringing it back up. You yelp around his cock at the sudden movement, and you’re forced to come off his cock with haggling, rough coughs. Tears fall down your cheeks, and there's a thick line of saliva and precum trailing between the tip of his cock and the bottom of your lip. “You’re my maid, right?”

You cough, your lungs are burning with wrongly swallowed saliva, and the recent asphyxiation you had. Cocking your head to the side, you startle when he suddenly leans in near, pinching your cheeks between two fingers and drawing you near him.

“Answer me, y/l/n-chan.”

“Y-Yes!” you squeak, swollen lips trembling and your breathing hitching as you shiver. There was a fire in his eyes, a type of lust-fueled rage that made your skin tingle and crawl in the sweetest of ways. “I’m here to service Kaibara-sama.”

“Then why are you trying to relieve yourself?” he snaps, face so near you want to kiss him, and you whimper because his scolding and humiliation do nothing to ease the fire in your cunt… it only ravages it, letting it fester into a raging wildfire. “You’re here for me, your master, so fuck me — focus on just me.”

“Yes, Kaibara-sama!” you shiver, body tingling as you reclaim his cock in your mouth.

And unlike before, where Kaibara merely sounded like a man who was feasting upon the food of the gods, he sits up straighter, more commanding, a man who sat in his chair knowing his worth. He took on the deception of a master.

“Hold my dick with your hands,” Kaibara grunts, hands fisting the hair at the nape of your neck and forcing your head to tilt up towards him. “I can’t trust you.”

You nodded your head, hands coming up to hold onto the base of his cock that your mouth couldn’t take in. You were fucking him diligently and intently with your mouth, driving him further down, your tongue and hollowed cheeks doing all it could to please your master. You sucked his dick with the intention of promising him that you were worth it, of making him fill your mouth and throat with him so he could never doubt that it was him you wanted, him you wanted to consume.

“Such a good sluttly little maid,” Kaibara praised and degraded. His hands tighten almost painfully in your hair. “Taking my big cock so easily... Don’t tell me you’ve been practicing on other men.”

You make a noise that screams no.

You would never!

“Oh, no?” Kaibara grunts, his tongue licking out past his lips, and you shudder under his gaze. “Did my slutty fucking maid keep her mouth clean for me?”

You whine in approval, your lungs burning as he keeps you still on his cock, eyes deceivingly angry.

“Good… that just means I’ll have to fuck your whore pussy so good you’ll never ask or seek a  new master,” Kaibara grinned, and your eyes widened. 

It happened so fast, you were on the ground one second, and in the next, he had you pinned with your back against the table. It was almost uncomfortable, the edge of the table pressing into your spine, and your hands scrambled to latch onto his shirt as his jeans fell to his knees and his hands gripped the top of your maid outfit down, exposing your naked breasts. 

His hands found a place on your breasts, warm and calloused fingers moving against smooth, soft skin. You moaned loudly, hips twitching unconsciously as he brushed against the swell of your nipple. 

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Kaibara groaned, fingers pinching roughly against your skin, and you warbled a scream. It wasn’t painful; it was pleasurable. Your head swam in a way it never had before when you had serviced other men, your clit was throbbing with an increase of needed attention, and your voice keened with his praise. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you — wanted this. I wanna make you feel so good, let your master fuck you however I want, y/l/n, I promise I’ll make it worth it.”

You nod your head, words failing you, and you watched Kaibara let out a heavy stream of air out of his nose, a near perverted, happy grin on his face.

“Say it.”

“Fuck me, Kaibara-sama,” you whisper, hands fisting into his shirt. “Ruin me. Claim me. Make me yours.”

His eyes flash dangerously.

“You were never not mine.”

And with a hand looping underneath your knee and with the sudden shove on your shoulder to knock you back, Kaibara pressed his cock against your wet, sopping entrance and shoved into you. You scream loudly, hands digging into his back as his cock enters you, unforgiving and demanding. Your legs wrap around his waist, heels digging into his hips as you shudder and shake, body twitching under the dull, hot stretch of him in you, your body sweating with the consuming heat and pleasure that his entrance gives you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you squeal, fingernails digging into his skin, face burying into his neck. “Kaibara-sama is so big, he’s stretching me out so much, I’m— I can’t—”

Kaibara clicks his tongue, his nose nuzzling into your cheek, “Don’t say that, y/l/n-chan. Don’t ever tell your master that you can’t. You can do anything so long as I ask of it, right? I don’t like the word can’t.”

You whimper, head nodding in understanding as you shift your hips partly for needed friction, partly for relief. 

“Stop that,” Kaibara orders, hands suddenly on your hips, preventing you from moving. “Ask permission from your master if you can move. You are here to serve me; you are not here for yourself. Do you understand?”

Your breathing is heavy, your legs shaking as you nod, breathlessly saying that you agree even though you need relief. You need to please your master; you have to make sure he continues to want your service: just you, no one else.

“Good girl,” he praises and somehow pushes even further into you.

You moan loudly at the movement, fingers digging into his skin yet again, and Kaibara laughed, teeth nipping at your collarbone. Your back is entirely arched, jaw slacked, voice dead on your tongue because the feeling of him buried deep within you is staggering. You let out a single happy noise, your mouth gasping for breath as your voice finally begins to come back to you.

“So tight, so hot,” Kaibara groans, his teeth dragging up and down your neck as his hips roll back and thrust back into you at his own pace. It’s steady, slow almost—a steady beat like a subtle heartbeat that kept you sane. “Don’t be quiet… I want to hear what I do to you; I want everyone to hear what I do to you.”

And a hand pinches your clit at the same time he slams roughly, with tremendous strength into you, and you wail.

It’s as if that wail was a starting sound, the sound that told Kaibara that he was in the clear to do whatever he wanted. To fuck you as he deemed, to make you fulfill your duty to providing and exceeding his every need and demand. He fucked into you, each snap of his hip, every roll, sending loud slaps through the room. The table creaked and shifted with every advancing move, and you rolled your hips up, fucking back into him, desperate to make his breath hitch and hiss in pleasure. His teeth buried into your skin, sucking and nibbling marks onto your skin, subtle and near bloody marks to show the world that you were his.

“Kaibara-sama!” you scream at a particular thrust, back arching wildly, eyes slamming shut as you moan to the heavens. “Kiss me please! Please kiss me—”

Kaibara’s mouth was over yours immediately. You cried into his mouth, shuddering and shaking as he continued his maddening dance with you, the endless, exciting cycle of tingling sensations and exploding warmth. His tongue entered your mouth, tasting of him, iron, and sweat. You moan louder, your velvet walls clenching and milking against his length. You don’t want to ever pull out; you want him, his seed, everything.

He kisses you like a madman, someone who believed that if he stopped, he would die.

You eat it up, returning it in full, unable to even believe you want him to stop. 

“You drive me fucking insane,” Kaibara pants, hands coming back down to your hips and keeping them in place as he suddenly, powerfully, and somehow rhythmically pounding into you in short, strong fucks. 

It’s overwhelming, the feeling of his girth stretching you out and abandoning you so quickly, the way his tip licks against your cervix, teasing up against your sweet spot. His face is desperate, needing, and so powerful that you cry to him, your master, your god. Your pussy is soaked with your essence, the sex spilling it all-around your thighs and on him, the wet squelching pounding making you embarrassed and so much more turned on. His teeth sink into your jaw, and your body is begging, twitching, the heat in your stomach overwhelming and no longer building but waiting for it to be unleashed. 

“K-Kaibara-sama!” you cry, a warning for the near-inevitable.

But you wail his name, the electricity in your veins and blood scorching the levels of your skin, and Kaibara takes that as a reason to do more, to fuck more. He drills into you at a new speed, a new power. Your head is swimming in the delirium, and your body trembles, the words “more, faster, harder” spilling from your mouth without consent, but tears build in your eyes as his fingers seem to almost spin against your clit and you scream.

You cum loudly, aggressively, all your energy destroyed as you hit the high. Kaibara moans against your bruised and marked skin; the warmth heat of spilling seed expelling into your cunt is a sensation that drives you insane as he collapses his weight on top of you. You’re breathless, speechless, a part of you unable to comprehend that your crush had fucked you before he had kissed you, that he was the best fuck you had, and how this man wanted you back.

It’s quiet for a bit, the two of you laying on the table as cum dripped out of your cunt, and he rested his head between your exposed breasts.

“So,” you finally rasp, a soft grin coming onto your face. “You have my charger?”

-

“18000 yen?!” Kaibara barked, eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the older lady at the counter who was billing him for his session.

“We are a sex club, Kaibara-sama,” she sighed. “Not only did you have a three-hour session with our most requested maid, but you also marked the merchandise.”

“I couldn’t?!” Kaibara snapped but cooled down almost immediately when the lady pointed at a: ‘Fines for every mark on the maids!!!!’ sign. “Oh.”

“Take it from my paycheck,” you sing from beside him, bundled up in a coat, the marks he gave you completely hidden now. It was the end of your shift and closing time, after all. “I got him riled up without telling him the rules.”

Kaibara chuckled as you arranged a proper check for him.

He thought about what he thought of his life, and while he couldn’t say that his life wasn’t a hentai right now, he knew, without a doubt, that life is not a shoujo manga.

[snowstark]

Anon with the arts v stem bs for you, could you write a thing where Peter is in your position trying to write an essay when his brain Just Won't Work Right To Do The Words and he asks Tony for help and Tony's like *cracks knuckles* "get on your knees, baby boy, I'm writing this whole thing for you and you're gonna have your mouth stuffed with my cock until I'm done"

my god i saw this at like 7 am and went “shit, yes. i have to write this” before passing the fuck back out until 10. also sorry it’s late, i got carried away 

we say thank you, we say please.

you can also read on ao3!

“Ugh!”

Tony glanced over at yet another one of Peter’s noises of complaint. They had grown in severity and loudness over the past few minutes, and the angry crinkle in Peter’s forehead told him just how frustrated the younger boy was.

“Fuck!”

Tony sniffed a smile, amused. “You doin’ okay, baby?”

“No,” Peter bit back, slamming his forehead onto the desk. “This stupid essay isn’t working out. Why am I even writing an essay? Isn’t the whole point of science to experiment?”

“And reflect on your findings,” Tony corrected with a roll of his eyes. He got up from his seat and came over, placing a hand on Peter’s shoulder to peer at the laptop screen. “Lemme see what you have.”

“Be my guest.” Peter tried to get up, but stilled when Tony shoved him back down.

Humming, Tony read over the introduction Peter had managed to craft, then wordlessly reached out and highlighted the whole thing before deleting it.

“Hey!”

“Hm?” Tony smiled at him sweetly.

“Why’d you do that?” Peter seethed with a pout.

“Because it was trash,” Tony replied. “And I know you know that it was.” He held Peter’s gaze until the fire in it died down a bit, and waited until Peter dropped his gaze.

Miserably, the younger boy picked at his nails. “I’m gonna fail this course. I’m not smart enough.”

“Don’t say that.” Tony’s voice was sharp. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that again; you hear me?”

Silence, then a petulant look.

Something Tony clicked. He reached out, slid a hand through Peter’s soft curls, and tightened his hand into a fist, pulling hard enough for Peter to hiss through his teeth. “I said, you hear me?”

“Yes,” Peter muttered. “Ow! You’re gonna pull my hair out if you don’t—ow, yes! Yes, Daddy.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought you said.” Tony eyed Peter for a few more seconds, then let go. “You should start off with the basics. Think of a good hook, but don’t you dare try and make a statement about society or some shit like that. Profs hate it.”

“I can’tttt,” Peter whined. “It just doesn’t work.” He turned to look at Tony with his best puppy eyes. “Maybe you could write it for me.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Yeah, honey, hilarious. Now you want to commit an academic offense.”

Peter glared. “This entire essay is an offense! To me! And if you don’t help me, I’m going to fail, Tony. Okay? I’m gonna get a big, fat, ugly zero—”

“You sure you want me to help?” Tony interrupted, a wicked, filthy plan suddenly forming in his mind. He nudged Peter out of his seat and sat down, appraising him, mouth already watering in anticipation. “Because you know I don’t do things for free, sweetheart. You’ll need to pay me back somehow, show me how grateful you are.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, I’ll give you that massage you’ve been asking for—”

Tony barked out a laugh that silenced him. He let his hands drop to the buttons on his jeans, enjoying the way Peter’s eyes immediately followed the movement. “Oh, no, no, no, baby. That’s not what I’m asking for.” He pressed the palm of his hand to his dick, and looked at Peter with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes,” Peter immediately said. Tony didn’t miss the way he sounded a little more strained now, eyes still fixed on the tent in Tony’s boxers. “I’ll pay you back.”

Tony smirked, then snapped his fingers and pointed to the floor. “Get on your knees, baby boy. I’m writing this whole thing for you and you’re gonna have your mouth stuffed with my cock until I’m done.”

Peter dropped to the floor like a puppet whose strings had been cut, and looked up at Tony expectantly, licking his lips.

“You know what I love about you, honey?” Tony drawled, sprawling his legs wide open, enjoying the way Peter immediately leaned closer. He pushed a hand through his hair again and leaned close so that they were nose-to-nose.

Peter tried to kiss him, almost instinctively, and Tony laughed before gently pushing him away. “You’re always so”—Tony yanked his head back harshly with the grip on his hair, eliciting a gasp—“fucking”—A sharp slap to his face, making Peter moan—“grateful.” A caress now, to counter the heat blooming in Peter’s cheek. “Isn’t that right?” He ran the pad of his thumb across Peter’s bottom lip.

Peter stared up at him adoringly in response, eyes wide.

The boy was already completely out of it, Tony noted with amusement. So responsive. Beautiful. He let his thumb brush against his flushed cheeks before sitting back and gesturing to the zipper on his pants.

“Go on, then,” he murmured, watching Peter’s eyes flash eagerly. “I undid the button for you, didn’t I? I think you can do the rest by yourself.” He stopped Peter with a hum when the boy reached out with his hands, and he shook his head. “No, baby. With your teeth.”

Peter swallowed, then obediently wriggled forwards and mouthed at the zipper, trying to get a good grip on it with his mouth.

Tony watched him for a few moments before reaching out to pet his hair as silent encouragement. It took Peter a few more seconds before he managed to pull it down, and Tony grinned when the boy immediately nuzzled closer, mouthing at his cock almost hungrily.

Tony pulled him back a bit before holding a hand out in front of Peter. “Spit.” Once Peter obeyed, he took himself in his hand and stroked in long, lazy motions, not taking his eyes off of the boy for a single moment. After a few minutes, Peter began to make impatient little noises at the back of his throat, just as Tony had expected him to.

“Needy thing,” Tony crooned, then smacked Peter’s face with his dick, making the sub jolt. Peter looked up, eyes glazed over, practically whacked into submission now. “Open up. I wanna see you gagging on it, you hear me? Don’t you dare try and slack off.”

Peter nodded in quick little jerks of his head, mouth falling open immediately at the order.

Tony fed his cock into Peter’s mouth inch by inch, wet and warm and ready for him, until Peter had taken him into his mouth nearly completely. He ran a hand through the sub’s curls, then shifted, feeling his cock hit the back of Peter’s throat, and pulled the laptop closer to him. He felt Peter’s cheeks hollow as he tried to swallow in vain around his cock, and Tony cursed quietly under his breath at the spasm of Peter’s throat.

Right. The essay.

He sucked the inside of his cheek, thinking, before beginning to type.

Biophysics is critical to our understanding of the mechanics of the molecules in our lives, and how complex systems and beings function, which, according to—

Tony stopped when Peter’s cheeks hollowed yet again and he looked down, raising an eyebrow. “You need something?”

Peter’s eyes widened and he shook his head as best as he could, then pulled back to wipe the drool on his chin with the back of his hand. “Just—was just tryin’ to swallow, Daddy.” God, he already sounded wrecked, voice rough and throaty.

“What, embarrassed that you were making a mess of yourself?” Tony chuckled, then shoved his hand into Peter’s hair before yanking him back onto his dick. “Stay. There. Your job is to be the filthy, needy thing you are while being grateful for what I’m giving you. Remember what I said about wanting your mouth to be stuffed with it until I’m done? You think I was joking about that?”

A small whine; Tony gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was feeling generous today and assumed it was a ‘no.’

He went back to work after that, and for the next half hour, the only sounds that filled up the room was his typing and the occasional little noise Peter made, whether it be a small exhale from his nose or an attempted swallow of his throat.

He took the time to finish, then ran through it three times to edit it. After the last run, he finally—finally—looked down at Peter, whose eyes were closed, eyelashes occasionally fluttering with each shallow inhale he took through his nose.

Tony rested his hand on Peter’s head, watching him, then murmured, “Good boy. Get me off now, sweetheart. Show Daddy how good you can be.”

Peter was more than eager to obey, and in less than five minutes, Tony was swearing under his breath, hips canting without his permission, and he could barely stutter out a warning before he came down Peter’s throat.

Peter took it like a champ, swallowing every drop and only pulling off when Tony made him. Panting, he looked up at Tony, eyes wide and teary.

Tony brushed a thumb over his cheek for a few moments, then murmured, “Good boy.”

When Peter reached for his leaking, red cock, Tony snapped sharply, “Ah-ah! What’re you doing? You think you deserve to get off by yourself? No, baby, you have to earn that.”

Peter looked up at him through wet eyelashes. “But I—” He gestured vaguely to Tony.

“What, made me come?” Tony rolled his eyes. “No, sweetheart. That was just you thanking me for writing your essay. All you had to do was drool all over my cock and show me how grateful you were for my generosity. Not exactly a hard feat like, say, writing an essay, is it? Not for a greedy little thing like you, at least.”

Peter stared at him, jaw slack and hanging open.

Tony grinned, and it was mean. “This, though...” He reached down and formed a loose ‘o’ with his hand, stroking Peter’s cock from the base to the head in one easy, smooth motion. “We’ll see about this. Get on the bed.”

Peter immediately scrambled to obey, and Tony’s grin grew.

Oh, he was going to make Peter beg, and enjoy every single moment of it.

__________

A few weeks later, Peter came marching up to Tony’s desk, then slapped down a package of paper.

Tony raised an eyebrow.

Peter jabbed his index finger at the 98%, written and circled in red, at the top of the first page. “My essay,” he said, proudly, making Tony bite back a laugh.

“A ninety-eight,” Tony mused, picking it up and leafing through it. “Not bad, huh?”

“It’s perfect.” Peter maneuvered himself onto his lap, straddling him and mouthing along his neck.

“Two percent away from perfect.” Tony tossed the paper back onto the desk and let his hands drift down to squeeze Peter’s ass, hard enough for his nails to dig in even through the sweatpants. “Should’ve been a hundred. Must’ve lost a mark or two ‘cause your mouth distracted me.”

“Not my fault I’m so good,” Peter chirped.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Uh-huh, good at being a filthy slut.”

Peter ignored him. “Besides, maybe next time you’ll get that hundred for me.”

Grinning, Tony pulled back to look at Peter’s face, then kissed him, wet and hard and sloppy. Peter’s chest was heaving by the time they pulled apart, and he pushed his thumb through his lips and into his mouth, watching him suck languidly for a few moments before saying, “Yeah, baby boy. You’re right. There’s always next time.”

Because they both knew this wouldn’t be the last time.

[20moonchild21]

𝗦𝗲𝗵𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵𝘁 [𝗯𝘁𝘀]

⇉ 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 2

[Pairing]

Jungkook x female!oc; bunny!Jungkook x Human!oc

[Warnings]

mentions of violence, violence, nightmare, suffering, swearing, angst, traumatized JK, mentions of past and abusive behaviors, ear pulling

[Words]

4.5k

[author]

Here is my second chapter of Sehnsucht! I am so excited what you think of it!

The next chapter will already be out at Wednesday (17 February 2021), because I am stuck in quarantine, which means that I have plenty of time to update.

Also, don’t forget to check out the stories that inspired me to write story of my own. I linked them in my masterlist or in my announcement, or if you are too lazy to go back there, just scroll to the end of this chapter. They all wrote their own Hybrid!BTS au, and all of them are so unique and well-written!

⇉ They are amazing and deserve to be read!

If you have any recommendations, wishes or critics don’t hesitate to write me a message. I won’t bite, promise!

Stay healthy and safe!

Mꨄ

[chapter 1 ||| chapter 3]

“Silence everyone!” The man in the black robe yelled. “ The jury has deliberated. In the name of the people of the United States of America, I announce the following verdict: The accused is guilty of the act of illegal residence without official authorization and/or without being in the company of his rightful owner. The verdict has been pronounced and is immediate. I declare this trial to be ended”

He hit his brown hammer onto the block and immediately the audience in the room began to cheer, while an amount of bright flash lights lighted up the room.

“No.” The girl whispered in shock as the judged spoke his verdict.

Her head shot up, looking up to the middle of the room where a big glass box had been placed. Inside of the giant box sat the bunny Hybrid. His hands were cuffed together with a big metal ring that was connected with a cuff at both of his ankles, so it was almost impossible for him to make one step after another.

Around his neck he carried a large collar, from which the girl knew that it would send a heavy electronic shot through his body if he would try to break out.

He looked like he was some kind of felon, that needed to be locked up for the rest of his life, while everything he wanted was to feel safe and protected.

The girl shot up from her seat. She didn’t even care about the people in the room whispering about her, calling her traitor or other insults. But she couldn’t care less in the moment.

“Jungkook!” She cried as she reached the cage. By now, the tear were running down her cheeks, dropping onto her black robe. “I am so sorry Jungkook. I am so sorry! I – I tried anything.. I – “

“You said you would protect me.” The boy didn’t even bother to lift his head as he spoke. “You said you would keep me safe. You promised. Why did you lie to me?”

“I tried, Jungkook! I tried so hard.” Her knees gave in as she sunk to the ground.

He was right. She promised him that she would do anything to keep him safe with her, and now? Now, they were in the court room with the Hybrid cuffed up and the lawyer crying in front of his cage, completely powerless to the announced verdict.

“Why didn’t you try harder?” The bunny asked again, this time lifting his head to look directly into her eyes.

“I – “ The girl tried to explain herself. She wanted to tell him that she will do anything for him so that he wouldn’t have to go. But it was already too late.

Two tall men were coming up beside the cage. They unlocked the door and stepped inside, directly towards the helpless and cuffed up boy.

“NOOO!” The girl yelled and tried to push herself up from the ground, but she couldn’t. She was held back by two large security men, who were holding her like she weighted nothing. “NOO! Let me go! No! Jungkook!”

The men inside the glass box had uncuffed the boys collar, and were now pulling him up by his left ear. The bunny Hybrid hissed in pain. He tried to struggle and stop the men pulling him with them, but because of his hand and ankle cuffs, he was completely powerless.

“NOO!” The girl was still yelling and kicking around as if she was a maniac.

Cameras were pointing their flash lights directly onto the struggling Hybrid, while the rest of the audience laughing at him, as he was dragged behind the men and out of the courtroom.

“Hope, help me!” He screamed over and over again. “You promised! You promised! Hope!”

Her name was the last word she heard from him, before the big, heavy doors of the courtroom fell shut with a loud thumb, and there was nothing she could do about it now.

“Jungkook! NOO!”

With a loud gasp the girl shot up from her bed she was laying in, breathing so loudly and heavily like she was running out of air. Cold and icy sweat was running down her neck and chest, while her heart seemed to jump out of her ribcage every second.

She turned her head panickily around the room, trying to make out the big glass box, or the judge or the camera flashings, but instead her eyes were met with darkness. It took her another few minutes to finally realize that she neither had never been in any courtroom, nor had she ever been part in a court hearing recently, and especially not as a lawyer.

A dream. It was only a dream.

Like someone took all energy out of her body, she fell back onto the soft matrass of her bed. Her hands and legs were numb and shaking, with the shock still sitting deep in her bones. She closed her eyes and tried to took some deep breaths.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

It took her another 10 minutes, but eventually her heartbeat finally calmed down, while her lungs began to contract less and less forcefully. The girl turned her head to the side.

6.54 a.m. was written onto the small digital clock that was put onto her nightstand. She closed her eyes again. Never in her life had she been so glad to see this numbers, even though she hated to wake up before 8 o’clock. There was absolutely no chance that she could go back to sleep again this morning.

“Fuck.” She whispered ad drove her hands over her face.

She kept lying in bed for another 20 minutes, before she decided to go up. She definitely need a shower right now, or else she would stink like a wet dog, because of all the amount of sweat she had produced during this intensive dream. Only the thought caused a shiver running down her spine.

She grabbed a pair of shorts and a new t-shirt from inside her drawer, before tippy-toeing out of her bedroom, hoping to be quiet enough to no wake up the Hybrid sleeping in one of her guestrooms.

When she was all washed up, and back into her bedroom, she went over to her small dressing table. She sat down and was about to brush her wet hair, when suddenly the noise of something hard breaking rang through the apartment.

She shot up from the small chair she was sitting one. Her first thought was that someone had broken a window and was now trying to sneak into the apartment. But lucky for her, she lived in the 3th. Floor of the living complex, and she was pretty sure that no one climbed up her to break into her apartment.

The only one that could have caused that noise was…the Hybrid sleeping in her guestroom.

She gulped, as her heartbeat increased, pumping the adrenalin through her throbbing veins, once again this morning. She was not scared that he had broken something on purpose, but more that he might had hurt himself.

Quickly and with a beating heart, she made her way over to his bedroom door. As she stood in front of the room, she slightly knocked onto the door. Though she was worried and curious, she should show some respect of his privacy, before entering.

“Jungkook?” She spoke carefully, as the soft knocks haled around the hallway.

She waited a few seconds, hoping he would answer, but the apartment stayed silence. There was no noise or voice at all, just pure silence.

“Jungkook? I am coming in, okay?” She didn’t waited for his answer, the worries about him, lying in there hurt and helpless was stronger this time.

With a quiet squeak, the door was slowly pushed open by the small girl, and as the gap was big enough, Hope carefully sticked her head through the gap between wall and door.

The curtains that she had closed the previous evening, were still blocking most of the sunlight, letting the room stay dark enough to sleep, but bright enough to see anything.

The bed, that she had placed the scared Hybris inside the previous evening, was a mess. The sheets and duvet were pulled back and spread out messily all over the bed, while the pillow was wrinkled and laid on the foot end of the bed.

But there was no sign of the boy. He was gone.

Curiously, she pushed the door more open and took a small step inside the room. Beside the messy bed, everything looked normal. The closet, the table, the painting on the wall, the lamp on the night table…wait no. There was no lamp on the night table anymore.

And then Hope counted one and one together. The clinging sound she herd earlier was the sound of a breaking porcelain lamp, that was now lying on the floor, spread out in hundreds of pieces. He must have accidentally pushed over the lamp.

She breathed out with relief. The lamp had neither been expensive, nor had it some kind of meaning for her, but this didn’t change the fact that she was worried about the Hybrid, that was still nowhere to be seen.

She decided to first clean up the broken pieces, before looking for the boy. The front door was locked overnight, so there was no chance he could have left without her noticing. She turned around to get the dustpan from insider her storage room, when suddenly, something heart breaking caught her eyes.

Behind the pushed open door, hidden in the corner as she had entered the room, sat Jungkook in the same position she had found him the evening before. He had pulled his knees up towards his chest with his arms locked around them tightly. His lips where pressed together, as if he was trying to not make any sound at all, and his ears covering his eyes.

Her hands were trembling with anger. Anger at those people who had traumatized this poor boy so much. She hoped deeply for them that they won’t ever cross her path, or else she won’t give a guarantee for anything.

She took a deep breath, kneeling down with slightly shaking legs.

“Jungkook?” She said calmly, hoping that her voice was didn’t scare him even more, but he didn’t move an inch. “Jungkook, I can see you.”

A slight whimper left his lips and he tried to push himself eve further into the corner of the room, shaking his head while mumbling ‘no, no’ all over again and again.

“N - no, please, don’t be scared Jungkook. ” She spoke again, voice cracking. “I – I am not mad at you. I promise.”

Nothing Hope said seemed to calm down the shaking Hybrid. He stayed still in the corner of the room, with his eyes covered. The girl wanted nothing more than to run over to him, hugging him tightly and never let him go again, but she knew that it would make the situation worse. He needed to decide to trust her by himself.

She slowly stood up and left the guestroom, getting the dustpan along with the vacuum cleaner from her storeroom. She collected up the lightbulb and some bigger pieces from the floor, before she swept up the rest of the porcelain pieces and throwing it into the thrash can under the table. To make sure that there were no small pieces of sharp porcelain left, she vacuumed all over the floor once more.

As she moved back and forth, she steeled some glances at the boy from time to time. He had removed his ears a little bit, so he could watch her closely cleaning up the floor, his eyes were wide open.

When she was done, she turned off the vacuum cleaner and laid it back down onto the floor, before turning once again towards the door, and kneeling down to be at the same eye level as the boy.

“See? Everything is already cleaned up. Like nothing happened at all.” She tried to sound to use a joking voice. He should realize that a broken lamp was nothing he should be worried to be punished for.

He didn’t show any kind of reaction. He just kept looking at her with his big, brown deer eyes, that could melt any heart, and his hair spread out into all directions. But to he surprise, he hadn’t covered his eyes again.

This made her proud. She didn’t care that he didn’t said anything, or that he didn’t move an inch as she spoke towards him. But that he wasn’t covering his eyes anymore as she spoke, which he did the night before, showed her that they were already making process, and she would do anything to keep going this path.

Step by step.

“Okay, I will let you alone some more and make breakfast for the both of us.” She smile at him, not forced this time. I was a real smile. “Feel free to join me whenever you like to.”

She stood up and grabbed both utensils she had used to clean up the room, before leaving. She didn’t close the door though, wanting to show him that he wasn’t locked up.

Meanwhile, the Jungkook was still trying to process what just had happened.

He didn’t mean to break the lamp at all, but when he woke up this morning, he was so scared because he thought he had fell asleep onto his owners’ bed, which he was not allowed under any circumstances.

His mind had still been too tired to notice the different surrounding he was in, so he had tried to leave the bed as fast as possible, before his owners would catch him. He had pushed the duvet off of his body and was already about to jump out of the bed, when suddenly, his arm hit something hard and knocking it over.

In his trance he had tried to leave the room as quick as possible, but it was too late. He could hear someone knocking at the door while calling his name.

That’s how he found himself in this position. Curled up in the corner of this room, shaking slightly.

But to his surprise, the small girl, Hope was her name, she had found him the previous evening, stepped inside the room. Never in his life had he been so relieved to see a human, even though he had just known her for a few hours.

He kept sitting in the corner for another 20 minutes, before the smell of something delicious hit his nose. He took a sniff and immediately, his stomach began to growl loudly. A blush covered his cheeks and he quickly looked around, but no one had been there to hear the loud growl.

She said that she would make something to eat and that he could join her, but she already gave him something to eat last night. It had been more than he could have ever asked for and he was thankful for that.

His stomach growled again, even louder this time.

Should he take the risk and leave the room? What if she was joking, and he wasn’t allowed to join her for breakfast? But then, she had allowed him to sit on the table with her, and she offered him a bed to sleep. On top, she didn’t punish him for accidently breaking her lamp, she didn’t even sounded mad at all.

His heart was pointing heavily, as he decided to take the risk and actually leave the room. His hunger was stronger than his fear this time.

He slowly rose from the ground and sticked his head out of the room he had slept in. Last night, he was so tired that he hadn’t even had the power to take in his surroundings, so now he was even more surprised.

He was now standing in a small, bright hallway that was leading somewhere to either side of him.

To his left side, the hallway ended just a few meters next to him. At the end of the hallway, as well as opposite and to his right side where beautiful white doors, from which he didn’t know where they would lead to.

To his right side, the hallway lead into another, open and big room, which he recognized to be the living room with that big sofa, that had looked so soft last evening. He had to hold back his urge to just sit down there and drove his finger over the soft fabric, because he was not allowed to.

He made another small step outside his room. Everything in the girl’s apartment looked so inviting and warm. The floor and walls didn’t transmit a cold and shivering impression, like he was used to. Instead, the wooden floor felt soft and the wall actually tempted him to walk along.

He took another step.

The wall next to him caught his attention. Hanging there were many different pictures all over the wall, and as he took a closer look, he saw a familiar girl on every single one of them. On some of the pictures, she was seen alone, sometimes only smiling and sometimes she looked welled dressed, holding some papers proudly in her hands.

But at the majority of the pictures, she could be seen with many different people. On one, she stood next to an older women , but at some others, she was with people her age, pulling funny faces into the camera.

The corners of his mouth raise unwillingly as he watched the pictures closer. The girl seemed to be like by many persons. Maybe she –

“Oh, you just came in time.” He quickly turned his head and looked at the same girl. She was just putting a small basket with bread onto the table. “Breakfast is ready, you can sit down if you like.”

He took one last glance at the pictures, before he carefully made his way up towards the table, where the girl was already sitting. On the chair next to her, she had placed a second plate, but the stool was empty. For a short moment, he wondered if it actually was for him, but she began to speak again.

“You can sit down here.” She pointed at the stool with the plat in front of it. “Of – of course only if you want to.”

He felt his own cheeks redden, as he saw the tiny blush on her cheeks. He quickly nodded and sat down on the stool next to her. His eyes went wide when he saw all the food on the table. It wasn’t as much like his owners would put up, but he saw the effort she had put into decorating the plates.

She had prepared a small plate with cheese and sausage, and another one with different vegetables, like cucumber slices and tomatoes. Next to the vegetables stood a small basket with bread and toast, and next to his plate she had placed a glass of what looked like orange juice and an egg.

“I – I didn’t know what you would like to drink, so I just gave you an orange juice, but you can also have a coffee if you like.” She said as she pointed at a brown liquid in front of her plate.

He carefully shook his head, not knowing what to say. He was overwhelmed with all the kindness she showed towards him. He didn’t even know why she was so nice to him. He was a strolling Hybrid. He was homeless and he causes trouble all the time. At least that’s what his owners always told him.

The girl meanwhile had taken a slice of bread and was smearing some onto it. Once again he didn’t know how to act. Should he just wait for her to put something onto his plate, like she did last night, or did he actually had the permission to take anything.

“You can take whatever you like.” She once again answered his question, as if she could read her mind. She must be really smart to always see what he was thinking about.

Hesitantly, he grabbed a slice of toast from the basket. He watched from the corner of his eyes what she did with her slice, and just copied her movements.

When breakfast was over, Jungkook watched the girl as she stood up from the table, taking her plate with her. She walked into the kitchen and put it into the sink.

Once again, he tried to copy her movements. He quickly got up from his stool and carried his plate over to the kitchen.

“Oh, this is nice of you.” She smiled friendly at him, as she turned back towards the sink. “Just put it over there, please.”

This scenario repeated over and over again. While she washed the dirty dishes, he would get one decoration after another from the table. Every time he came back, she showed him where to put everything. He put the butter into the fridge, the salt into the shelf over the stove and the kitchen roll into the drawer next to the sink.

He was not new to such actions. At home, he would always clean up after his owners after they were done eating, but they would never treat him that nice. They would yell at him to do faster and quicker. He shivered at the thought of that.

“Thank you for your help, Jungkook.” The girl had turned around as she whipped her hands dry, bending her upper body slightly as she thanked him.

He was completely overwhelmed at this gesture. Never in his life had someone bowed towards him. Normally, he was the one to bow.

“You’re welcome.” He just whispered.

The day passed quicker than she thought. In the morning, she had called one of her male friends, asking him if he could give her some of his clothes.

“Don’t ask why.” She had told him as he stood in front of her door.

Jungkook was once again about to just take of his clothes in the middle of the living room, but she quickly told him to change privately in his room. His eyes literally popped out of his head when she said ‘his room’. He looked like a child on Christmas eve, and it was more than adorable to watch.

Excitingly, he ran back and forth between his room and the living room, showing her all the clothes. Most of them were still a little bit too big, but she guessed that he would gain a bit more of weight over the next weeks, so he was going to fit in.

Over the next few weeks. Few words with big meaning.

Hope just assumed that he would stay here, with her. She didn’t even think once about why he had been out there since the morning, or of his owner was looking for him. What would she do if he would stand in front of her door, wanting his Hybrid back? He or she obviously treated the poor boy terribly, but then, she didn’t had any authorization about the bunny Hybrid.

Authorization.

She wanted to throw up while using that word. The boy, and any other Hybrid, was a living being, with an own consciousness and own needs. He should be free to have a choice over him and his life by himself, and not anyone else.

“Wow, that looks good.” She smiled at him as he came back with the last shirt to try on.

He nodded quickly and looked into the big mirror next to the front door. He turned his body from one to the other side, before droving his hands over the shirt, ears bobbing with excitement.

Hope was fascinated by his ears. He had told her earlier that he was a holland lop bunny Hybrid, which were known for their floppy ears and they were especially rare with grey fur, like he had.

While hanging down, the soft, fur covered ears reached shortly above his chin, and she had to hold back the urge to touch the soft hair. Ears and tail were the most sensitive and intimate body parts of a Hybrid, which no one should be allowed to touch without the Hybrids permission. Sadly, no one cared about that.

They often grab and touch Hybrids’ ears, pulling them or clipping some tags through them. As well as their tails. She just wanted to arrest anyone to show such a disrespect towards a Hybrid.

She snapped out of her thoughts, just as Jungkook entered the room again, carrying all the clothes she had given to him. His face didn’t show excitement anymore, while he had his ears straighten flatly against his head.

“Those are for you, Jungkook.” Hope said as she stood up from the sofa. “You can keep them all. They – “

“No.” He simply said, almost hissing at the girl. He laid the pile of clothes carefully on the sofa, before lifting a shirt up, holding it right in front of the girl’s face. “Smell.”

Confused, she took the shirt and smelled at the fabric. It smelled….like nothing? She looked back up at the bunny hybrid, who was standing in front of her, looking expectantly at the girl.

“I don’t smell anything.” She said and smelled again. Maybe she caught a cold? “They aren’t smelling like anything.”

“Smells like man.” Jungkook said, as he shook himself. “Bah! Should not smell like man.”

“Oh, okay. You don’t like the scent of Brian?” She asked amused, and he nodded quickly. “I will go and wash them.”

Hybrids don’t just had outer features of animals, they also had all their senses, which means that they were extremely sensitive to smells or sounds. Though the clothes were all washed, they probably still had Brian’s scent from when he had carried the clothes in his arms.

She laughed slightly and walked into the bathroom with the boy was trailing behind her, watching as she turned on the washing mashie. When she was done, she turned back towards Jungkook.

“There you go. All washed up.” She said, but he still did not look satisfied.

“You.” He said and sniffed the air in front of her.

“Me?” The girl asked confused, as he practically smelled at her. Did she smell bad?

“You smell like man.” He said, cocking his right eyebrow up. “You should not smell like man.”

“Oh.” She laughed quickly, bending her head to smell her shirt. But being a human with a human nose, it was impossible for her to smell anything. “I was standing close to Brian earlier when I took the clothes. Maybe that’s why I smell like him. I will take a shower.”

15 minutes later, she came back from the bathroom. Jungkook was having the time of his life, watching the Simpsons on TV. He didn’t even notice her coming up from beside him, because he was so caught up from the colourful cartoon.

“Better?” She laughed at him and his head snapped towards her.

He watched her up and down, before taking some deep sniffs. He thought for a while, before he nodded and turned his attention back towards the TV.

“Better.”

[taglist]

@112067 @kascreation

⇉ wanna be added? Write me a message!

[inspirations | recommendations] ⇉ 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘀!

@wishesunderthestars

@agustdakasuga

@ditttiii

@angelicyoongie

@starlightauroras-writes

[ally22042000]

BTS Reaction: Someone breaking into your house

Hey. I hope you enjoy this one, it’s been in my drafts for a year 😊 It is my first  fic/reaction. I am sorry for any spelling and grammer mistakes. 

Fluff, Angst, Smut (Just a little)

Kim Seokjin

The both of you were on your way home from dinner. The past few weeks had been very stressful for the both of you. Jin had a comeback coming his way and you had multiple deadlines to reach. So, the both of you though it was time to give yourselves a break and go out for some couple quality time. It wasn’t until Jin had parked the car in front of your house, noticing the light that was shining trough the curtains, that you got that weird feeling in your stomach telling you something was wrong.

“Die we leave the lights on?” you questioned, interrupting him mid-sentence. Jin’s brows furrowed, trying to remember how the house looked when you left.

“Stay in the car” was all he said, before he opened his door and made his way to your front door. You watched has he climbed the three little steps in front of your door, before he pushed at it slightly, the wood instantly sliding back. It wasn’t locked. Shocked you follow Jin’s frame with your eyes, which was disappearing in your house. Holding your breath, you waited for what was going to happen next. Another light was flicked on, before a person came bolting outside, running down the little steps. Whoever that person was, definitely wasn’t smart. Slipping on the ice that covered the floor, he fell, hitting his head, knocking himself out. You opened the door, sliding out of you seat and running over to the man laying unconscious on the ground. Jin followed soon, standing in the door way with a frying pan in his hand, ready to swing.

“Is he dead?” was the first thing the idol asked. You threw a glare at him before descending your fingers to the pulse point of the man. Shaking your head as soon as you felt a pulse.

“I bet you’re happy now that I didn’t put salt on the steps this morning when you told me to.” If you weren’t still shocked form the events that just happened you would have thrown your shoe at him, wiping of that stupid smile of his. But you settled for another glare before calling the police.

Min Yoongi

It was 10:32 pm when Yoongi finished the last thing on his To-Do list for the day. Closing the file, he just worked on for the past two hours, he leaned back in his chair and stretched his muscles. A buzzing sound from beside him got his attention and he couldn’t help the lazy smile when he saw you picture appearing on the screen.

“Hey baby. I just finished. I’ll be home in forty, alright?” He was in the procced of shutting down his computer, when he heard you low and breathy voice.

“Yoongi, listen, there are two people in the house. I think they broke in. I can hear them in the living room. I don’t know what to do.” He could hear your voice quivering towards the end. He didn’t bother with the computer anymore, focus solely on you.

“Where are you?” he asked, while grabbing his keys and leaving the room. Door open for everybody, but that was the last of his concerns.

“In our bedroom” came the answer immediately.

“Lock the door and hid in the bathroom. Lock the door there two.” he commanded. You did as he told you. Hiding in the bathtub as soon as you made sure the last door was locked.

“Okay, I’m there. What now?” scared of the outcome of all this, tears started to gather in your eyes. You could feel your heartbeat in your throat and hear it in your head.

“Now, I’m going to hang up so I can call the police, okay baby? I’m still too far away to help you and maybe they are faster.” That was the first time he cursed himself for wanting to rent an apartment so far away from the studio. Without another word he hung up the phone, calling the police immediately and explaining the situation, while he was still driving down the empty roads. Trying not to kill anyone or get killed. They told him they would be there as fast as possible.

You heard the sirens coming closer and closer, feeling slightly safer. You heard them break in through the front door, the robbers still trying to grab as much as they can, not even realising that they were doomed until it was too late. The next thing you heard is what finally made you realise that you were save.

“Y/N? Y/N!” You heard Yoongi banging on the bedroom door. Quickly getting out of the bathtub, unlocking the two doors just as fast. Yoongi’s arms engulfed you the second he laid eyes on you. And that was the moment you couldn’t hold back any longer. Surrounded by his scent, mint and coffee, you couldn’t control your emotions any longer. Tears were rolling down your face, soaking the male’s sweats shirt. And Yoongi held you through it, pulling you closer and whispered over and over that you were save and had nothing to worry. And when you finally calmed down you opened your eyes and looked down to the ground. Not able to stop the little giggle escaping your mouth.

“Babe, where are you shoes?”

Jung Hoseok

There are no words to explain the fear that shot through Hobi’s body when he saw the red and blue lights shining in front of your shared apartment.  There were police officers running around questioning people and pushing others out of the way. Slowly his feet moved one after the other walking through the little crowed that had gathered. He was about to pass them when a police woman pushed him back into the crowed.

“Sir, I’m sorry but you’re not allowed any closer. Please stay put.” She let a hand on his chest to make sure he got the message.

“No, you don’t understand, I life here. That’s my home. Where is Y/N?” he explained, constantly trying to get past the small woman.

“Sir, please, follow the instructions or I’ll have to use force.” A threating comment was about to leave Hoseok lips that he will be the one using force if she didn’t tell him were the love of his life was this instant. But before he could do any of that he heard the voice that could make everything better.

“Hobi, oh my god, Hobi. It’s okay, please let him through. He’s my boyfriend” you screamed as soon as you laid eyes on your dancer. The woman in front of him reluctantly moved out of the way but kept a watchful eye on the young man. But Hoseok’s attention was only on you. The second he could, he captures you in his arms. A hand on the back of your head, pressing you to him.

“Are you alright? What happened?” he asked.

“Someone broke into our home while I was in the shower. Hobi, everything is gone. TV, Laptops, my phone and wallet. Thankfully one of the neighbours saw what happened and called the police. I wouldn’t even know how I could have informed them.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He said, grabbing your hands, making him look at him. “I really don’t care that our TV is gone or any of the other stuff, okay? That’s renewable, but you aren’t. I’m so glad nothing happened to you.” And one more time you found yourself buried in his arms, a place you never want to leave.

Kim Namjoon

You and your husband where awoken by your child’s loud cries. Slowly you rose to your feet, sitting at the edge of the bed for a moment, trying to regain your balance and vision. Your phone on the nightstand told you it was 02:00 am. With a heavy sighing you got up from your place. Moving out of the room and down the hall to your four-month old’s bedroom. A freezing breeze greeted you in the hallway, forcing you to pull Namjoon’s shirt lower. Your pace picked up, having the strong feeling, that something wasn’t alright. Your baby’s screams grew louder as you walked into the room.

Namjoon’s name left your lips in the form of a scream, while you ran to the bed of your child. Lifting the crying baby up and moving away from the broken window. You heard you husbands feet banging against the wood floor, running as fast as possible. The both of you turned on every single light you owned. Or rather Namjoon turning on the lights and you walking behind him with your baby girl still in your arms. The little one followed her father with a curious look in her eyes. Not yet sure if she liked the new game.

After being sure nobody was in the house, you called the police, which arrived shortly after. They took a lot of picture form the crime scene and asked the both of you a lot of questions. Almost two hours later, the three of you lay down in you king sized bed. The broken window was covered with a blanked and tape. You would call someone to fix it in two hours, when you had to get up anyway.

You looked at your husband’s face, the worried stare he had when he entered the baby room had not left him.

“We could have lost her tonight. We, we-“,he couldn’t finish, before the tears were streaming down his face. The thought of what could have happened to you daughter making both your throats tighten.

Park Jimin

Tears were streaming down Jimin’s face as he held on to your pale hand. He couldn’t stop them and J-Hope’s hand on his shoulder did little to lessen the pain. For Jimin it was his fault. 

The reason why you were laying in a hospital bed right now, machines breathing for you. That was all on him. He was the one who said you should go ahead and that he would follow with the grocery bags. You insisted that you’d help him, but he didn’t let you. Why didn’t he let you? If he would have, you wouldn’t have been the first in the house. You wouldn’t have been shot by the guy robbing your house of its belongings. And you most defiantly wouldn’t be laying in that hospital bed right now, fighting for your life. 

So Jimin saw no other person that he could blame, but him. And the only person who could assure him and make him see that it was in fact not his mistake, not his wrong doing. That person was laying in a come right no. Fixed heart beating in your chest and broken boyfriend gripping your hand.

“Please, Y/N, please come back to me. I’m sorry, please. I need you.”

Kim Taehyung

Tae’s face was lit up by his significant smile, as soon as he saw your face appear on the screen. Hurrying to answer the call, not able to contain his happiness at the prospect of talking to you.

“Hey honey. How are you? I miss you so much, you can’t even imaging. Okay maybe you can because you miss me too, but- wait, are that police sirens in the back. Y/N what happened?” By now he was standing in his room, one hand was holding his phone, the other running through his hair, slipping of his hat in the process.

“Hey, babe. I need you to calm down. It’s nothing bad, alright? Just breath.” It’s interesting how your voice always managed to calm him down. Even hundreds of miles away, the melody of you words still had a huge influence on him. However, the second your next words left your mouth, all kind of calmness flew out the window and was replace by a stultifying wariness.

 “I was watching TV in our bedroom, when I heard some noise form downstairs. Someone broke into the house and tried to steal our stuff.”

 “Tried? Y/N, please don’t tell me you did anything stupid?”

 “Okay, first things first, I never do anything thing stupid. Second things second, when I opened the door to our bedroom, to figure out where the noise was coming from, Yeanton ran past me and scared the invader. After that he left immediately. A few things are missing, but not as much as would’ve if Yeanton wouldn’t have been here.” After you finished your little story time, Tae’s heartrate had regulated itself back to a normal beat. A proud smile forming on his face.

 “Oh my god, he did. I knew he would protect his mommy if it was necessary. Tell him he did well. We need to buy him lots of treats for his heroic action.”

After the initial shock was gone the both of you talked about the tour and planed what you would do when he came back. But the second Yeanton jumped into your lap, barking to get you attention, you were forgotten and had to listen to Tae talking through the phone to his dog. And Yeanton who stared at the phone confused, barking from time to time. And one more time you realised how happy you were with you little family. The boys always looking after you and vice versa.

Jeon Jungkook

Your back met the wall next to your door with a low thump. Jungkook’s body pressing you into the surface immediately. His lips were still connected to yours, tongues fighting for dominance. You could feel his arms flailing around, as he tried to find his keys. A frustrated sound left his throat, when he didn’t find the object. He released your lips, taking a step back and continuing his search. A whine left your lips at the loss of contact. 

That’s when you took a lock at the door next to you, noticing, how it was slightly open. You stretched a hand out to the male in front of you, planting it against his chest, making him stop. Jungkook looked at you, confused, why you would stop him. Although it was hard for him to focus, with all the blood running southwards at the moment, he notices the unordinary scene in front of him. Without a second thought, he walked towards the door, pushing it open. You hooked your hand into one of the loops of his trousers, hiding behind him. Your apartment was covered in black, only the moon providing enough vision to make out your furniture. The both of you walked deeper into the apartment, trying to be as quiet as possible. A movement to right caught your attention, turning your head, a loud gasped escaped you. A man was standing in your kitchen, a knife in his hand. Jungkook was alarmed by your reaction, rotating the both of you, so he was standing like a shield before you.

“Please, take everything you want, but don’t hurt us.” Jungkook’s voice was strong, not letting the man know, how much his appearance and the weapon in his hand scared him. When the man took a step in your direction, the both of you took one back. Jungkook’s hand setting on your waist, pushing you farther behind him.

“Jungkook? Y/N?” You heard the voice from a sleeping Jimin, tumbling down the stairs. For a moment both of your attention were on the small feet that came into view. When you turned back around, the mystery man was gone. And you had never been so thankful for the older boy’s heart break, wich caused him to move in with you. Not wanting to know, what could have happened, if he didn’t come done stairs the moment he did.

  �

[jademight]

I mean, it is partially the website, the fact that having xkit is basically compulsory if you want to have anywhere near decent an experience is so stupid if you step back and think about it. 

But like-- Ok rambling under the cut bc I don’t want to bother y’all with it but I love writing out my thoughts lmfao

I don’t know man, I’m tired. I’ve been writing on here since late 2011, I have written probably close to (over?) a dozen characters, have gone really in depth with several of them. Writing has been an extremely helpful outlet that made me push through and heal from terrible trauma but now I look at tunglr an I’m like ‘is this...it. Is that all there is?’ Like, I love the character creation and exploration  but is it because I love the writing aspect or because that character creation is a proxy for acting that I couldn’t pursue before?

I’ve seen tumblr behave in circles where we all go through the same drama and problematic actors being called out every 2-3 years like its happening for the first time, every time.

And I don’t know, I feel like I’m running on empty with Tumblr, like I’ve poured my heart out, written all I could write, and now I’m just, running on the proverbial hamster wheel because the wheel is comfortable. Am I still writing because I love the writing aspect, or do I just love seeing that notification button light up and the interaction between two persons? 

Like, I’ve graduated, my pet companion of 10 years has passed on, and I have actual, genuine chance at an opportunity to pursue acting and go to an acting program overseas (once I have the money shhh) and tumblr is the only remaining constant from this ‘era’ of my life that’s rapidly coming to an end and I’m like. Should the hellsite continue to be a constant, or has the time come to move on? 

I don’t know, maybe the website has fulfilled its purpose for me, maybe I’ve outgrown it, or maybe I’m just too lazy to write now lmfao. 

I’d like to continue to interact with people via a personal but idk how personal blogs operate and at this point I’m too scared to ask so I’m still clinging to my rp blogs like ‘sweet serotonin of human interaction’ 

idk, ilu if you read this far. 

[halpertstuna]

Could you do 8 and 10 on the prompt list with JJ?

A/N: i’m so sorry it took me so long to answer, i’ve been pretty occupied lately and so i didn’t really have time to write and when i did it was for ‘someone to stay’, anyway, here it is i hope you’ll like it🥺

and PLEASE don’t hesitate to send me requests, questions, messages whatever you want. i would love to make friends and mutuals on this platform plus i love feedback and would really like to hear your opinions(:

also, this turned out way longer than i intended it to be, it was supposed to be a blurb but i guess i’m just gonna turn it into a whole ass imagine cause why not

-> prompt list <-

word count: 1,899 (oops... guess i got a bit carried away)

prompts: “i’m not jealous!”, “you’re hot when you’re mad”

pairing: jj x kook!reader

warnings: a pretty heated make out sesh, jealousy?, platonic Kie, Pope and John B. oh and typos probably.

btw, i was kinda in a rush to post this so please forgive me if it’s not that good, i’m too lazy to edit this again (and this is the first time i wrote something that’s kinda smutty? i mean this isn’t really smut but you get my point. don’t know how i feel about it), anyways, if you’ve made it this far in my insanely long intro congrats! enjoy <3

-> masterlist <-

(gif credit: @anakin-skywalker )

—

It’s been almost two years since you started attending the kook academy, almost two years since you became one of the pogues.

On your first day there you met a brown haired hippie chick named Kiara. The two of you had chemistry together and were paired by your teacher to be lab partners.

On your first encounter you didn’t really talk, and on the following couple of lessons it developed to only small talk and warm smiles if you saw each other in the hallway.

Kiara didn’t like kooks, even though technically she kind of was one.

Judging by the way you dressed and the people you surrounded yourself, she didn’t think you were really the type of person she’d get along with.

But when the two of you got assigned to do a project together, you instantly proved her wrong.

You met up with her at the wreck, the two of you talked about the project then yourselves and bonded almost immediately.

You revealed that you actually hated the people you usually associated with, thinking they were all fake, stuck up snobs with their heads way too far up their asses, and the only reason you hung out with them was your parents.

You turned out to be really reckless and funny which she wasn’t expecting at all, but she liked, it kind of reminded her of someone, her best friend, JJ.

She was quick to introduce you to the rest of the pogues and they welcomed you with open arms into their group. You instantly befriended them and vice versa.

Just as Kie suspected, you got along extra well with one particular blond.

The two of you had a lot in common; you were both hot headed and impulsive which often got you into trouble. You two were pretty competitive, always challenging one another.

You being so similar was the reason you got along so well, but it was also the reason you fought a lot, neither of you ever willing to admit you’re wrong or be the first one to apologize, but you couldn’t stay away from each other for too long. The sexual tension between you two could be cut with a knife.

Hungry glances, longing touches, needy desires that were transparent on both your faces.

Everyone on the island could see it but you. You were both so terribly oblivious.

You tried treating him like the rest of the pogues, you pushed your feelings for him to the back of your mind, thinking he was just being friendly, knowing he was a flirt, and for almost two years, it worked.

But seeing him flirt with Harleen tonight was literal torture.

Harleen was your neighbour and former best friend. A tall, tan brunette you hated with all of your heart.

The two of you have known each other since birth, you were practically inseparable, but as you grew up you noticed she always wanted what was yours, and she always did whatever it took in order to gain it. Whether it was the new shoes you got for your birthday which she bought herself the following day, or the guy you told her you liked in middle school the week prior to her dating him.

With time your friendship grew toxic and you felt like she was bad for you, constantly bringing you down and never caring.

So you decided to defriend her and ever since that moment you despised each other.

You were sat on a log beside Kie at a kegger, Pope next to her as they argued about god knows what. You tuned them out, far too focused on each and every one of JJ’s actions, watching as he whispered in her ear.

He probably said something funny since she started laughing, leaning forward and grasping his bicep for balance, which made your blood boil, you felt like history was repeating itself.

The grip on your red solo cup tightened, you stared and it seemed as if lasers were about to shoot out of your eyes and burn her pretty face off, but you diverted your gaze down to your hand, jumping up slightly when you felt a cool sticky liquid on your fingers, noticing you accidentally created a hole in your cup of beer with your milky white painted nails.

“Wow, what did the poor cup ever do to you?” Pope joked, his and Kie’s attention averted to you the second they heard a pop coming from your direction.

“Huh? Oh, well it didn’t tell me how pretty I look tonight, take that as warning sign” you trailed, trying not to look suspicious, “are you sure it isn’t because JJ told that to the girl beside him instead of you” she implied winking, causing Pope to cackle with laughter.

“What was that?” You asked rhetorically trying to act intimidating, “oh nothing” she gave you an innocent look.

“Anyways... i’m gonna go get a new drink” you swiftly stood up and started walking until you made out John B. from afar who was stood by the keg.

“Refill?” He questions once he spotted you making your way towards him.

You nodded “I accidentally poked mine” you admitted lifting the ripped cup in your hand and pursing your lips as you came to a stop beside him.

As he poured you a new cup of beer with the tap head connected to the keg by a tube, you searched the crowd with your eyes and focused your attention on JJ again.

You’ve seen him flirt with a countless amount of chicks before - kooks and torouns mainly, but none of those times pissed you off os much as seeing him flirt with Harleen did.

I mean he probably didn’t even like you back, so why where you so pissed? It wasn’t different from any other time, except that this was Harleen. She was a bitch. But he’d probably catch on quickly, right?

He placed his hands on her waist and you clenched your jaw at the sight grinding your teeth, you were irritated by the whole situation.

John B. noticed, a sly smile spreading slowly across his face.

“Hey, want some peanut butter with that jelly?” You turned to face him, a dumbfounded look on your face, “what are you talking about?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“You’re obviously jealous”, he chuckled at the bewildered look on your face and you felt your cheeks heat up. “am not!” You denied huffing.

“Tell that to the vein popping out of your forehead” he teased.

You gasped and jabbed his chest playfully with your elbow, you mumbled a “shut up” then channeled your attention back to the two.

Her hands were rested on his chest, like that wasn’t enough already to send you off the edge. But when he pecked her cheek you lost it.

Abruptly you stormed off from where you were stood, John B. shouted from behind you “where are you going?“ but you ignored him.

When you approached JJ and Harleen you clutched onto his wrist dragging him away from her towards the chateau, ignoring both her and his protests. You led him inside then turned around to face him.

“Hey! What did you do that for? It was going really good for me! This better be an emergency” he sneered.

“Are you fucking serious? Out of all the people in the party you chose to hit on Harleen?” You scoffed.

“What’s the problem with that?” JJ was clueless, he knew nothing about your and Harleen’s rivalry. You never told any of the pogues, well except for Kie but she didn’t recognise her as the one flirting with JJ.

“The problem is Harleen hates my guts and the other way around. We used to be best friends but she became toxic, trying to take everything that I had and I’m not going down that road again JJ”

Your words confounded JJ, what did you care if she flirted with him? It wasn’t like he was yours, although he really wanted to be.

Does you caring about whether they end up together or not mean you wanted to be his too?

Then he noticed what emotion your eyes held, he’d never seen it before on your face, but he immediately recognised it.

“Wait.. are you jealous?” He questioned, the corners of his lips perking up into a smirk when he noticed the furious look on your face from his revolution.

“I’m not jealous! Would everyone please stop saying that?! I’m mad ok?!” You defend.

“Ok! Ok!” He surrendered lifting his hands up in the air “but just know, you’re hot when your mad”. Your mouth slightly agape as you weren’t able to form words to deny, far too transfixed under the fact he directly called you hot.

He started walking towards you slowly, you didn’t want to cave, to admit you have fallen for his charms, so you backed up until you felt your back gently hit the wall. Chest rising and falling quicker as your breathing started getting heavier and your heart beat faster.

The second his hand landed on your waist you felt a million butterflies erupt in your stomach, he tenderly stroked the exposed skin of your v line between your low cut shorts and crop top. You felt as if the skin under his finger was being set on fire.

He brought his other hand to rest beside your head on the wall, he leaned in, inches away from your face. His breath mingled with yours, fanning your lips, it smelled of cheap beer and weed.

He slowly moved to your ear and extolled in a low voice “I mean, really hot”, his warm breath sent shivers down your spine.

He left a sloppy, open mouthed kiss on the skin under your earlobe and you could’ve sworn you were seeing stars.

When he detached his lips you bit down on yours holding in a whimper at the loss of contact as he brought his face back to yours.

His blue orbs gazed into yours, they seemed darker than usual, lustful.

He waisted no more time and captured your lips with his. You didn’t hesitate to kiss him back.

You wrapped your hands around his neck and pulled on the edges of his hair deepening the kiss. As your tongues fought for dominance, he brought his other hand to your ass and squeezed it causing you to moan, he took the chance and slipped his tongue in.

you tugged on the hem of his shirt and he got the message. He separated his lips from yours and within less then a second, practically tore it of his body and discarded it on the floor. The two of you were panting at this point, completely out of air but you didn’t care. Breathless, you reattached your lips to his, desperate to taste him again.

You caressed his much bigger length with your petite hand, signalling you wanted more and he groaned into the kiss.

“Up” he demanded mumbling agains your lips. You jumped up and wrapped your legs around his waist, he grabbed your thighs and without breaking the kiss led you into the spare room.

Almost two years of yearning and craving dissolved in that night at the chateau, and to think it happened because of Harleen.

As much of a bitch as she was, you did owe her that.

[yes-ihavealwaysbeengreen]

Day 11: Walk the Dog - William ‘Ironhead’ Miller

Day 11: Walk the Dog- William ‘Ironhead’ Miller 

This story was requested by @oldstuffnewstuff​. Thank you so much for the request! I love writing for requests! Thank you for all the rebloggs, comments, and likes. :)

Also gonna tag @myathleteeggspizza​ for our love of William Miller. 

November Writing Challenge Masterlist 

Day 10: Used Tea Bags - Javier Pena 

William ‘Ironhead’ Miller liked numbers. His whole life since leaving the military was run down to the exact second the way he wanted it too. He would wake up at 0600 daily, stretch for eight minutes, down his first cup of coffee, and go for an eight mile run through the park. Then he would return home, take a five minute shower, get dressed, drink a smoothie, fill his tumblr with coffee, and leave for the base at 0730 sharp. 

Every single day was the same. But, that’s what someone with as many demons as he had needed. The structure and security of the same routine. Not one minute unaccounted for. Until the day he met her.

It was a chilly November morning when he first noticed her. She had on a black leggings, a maroon crewneck sweatshirt, black ankle boots, and hair in a messy bun atop her head. She was sitting at one of the unoccupied benches near the Veterans statue, reading aloud a book to a golden retriever lying quietly with her head in her owner's lap. 

He faltered for a moment, and one minute became two, became three and when he looked down at his watch he cursed to himself. He was behind schedule. When he looked back up they were gone. He turned each direction frantically looking for the girl and the dog but they were nowhere to be seen. He wondered for a moment if he had only imagined it before the beeping of his watch drew his attention and he picked up the pace to make up for the lost time. Lost time, what a novel concept for a person who counted everything in his life. 

The next morning when he entered the park he couldn’t help but look for them as he ran around the path. Keeping his eyes open for the golden retriever and her alluring owner. Will couldn’t help the pang of disappointment at missing them again. The routine remained the same day in and out for another week before Will began to give up hope about seeing them again. On Saturday after his run he came home and left at exactly 0730 again but this time he was meeting his old army buddies for breakfast at a diner across town. 

The diner looked old fashioned amongst the new and shiny chrome buildings that had begun to pop up around town but it wasn’t the outside that mattered. Will walked in and the bells tinkled on the door to notify the wait staff, and he nodded at the familiar faces before finding his friends. He slid into the worn, cracked leather of the booth next to his brother, shaking the other two men's hands across the table. 

The waitress came over and brought him a steaming mug of coffee, two packets of sugar, and one creamer before going back over to her other customers. Frankie pointed to the cup before back at Will, “you come here way too often if they know exactly how you take your coffee.” 

“Every Saturday,” Will tells him smiling as he prepares his coffee, taking a sip of the liquid gold, “Gladys knows just the way I like my coffee, and my breakfast. Why ruin a good thing by going somewhere else?” 

Frankie laughs at him, “Some people actually like to go out and try new things. Are you still doing the same routine every day and doing that counting thing?” 

Will only nods before he’s interrupted by Gladys who takes their orders, not even bothering to ask Will before she goes off to put their order into the kitchen. “Thank you Glady!” Will shouts at her and she raises a hand in acknowledgment. 

“So how the hell have you guys been?” Santiago asks over the rim of his mug. 

Benny fills them in on his training, and his new girlfriend he met at a fight a few months ago. Frankie tells them all about the house he just bought and is slowly renovating and shows them some new pictures of his daughter Juliette, who just turned three the past month. Frankie made the single father life look flawless. Santiago was in town for the next two months on break from down in Columbia where he’d been helping the local military take down a drug lord. All of them had something new to share, something exciting, except Will. 

“So what about you Will?” Santi gestures to him as they all dig into their breakfast. 

Will cuts himself another piece of pancake off for himself before running it through the syrup, “The same shit as usual, run, work, eat, sleep. On Saturdays I come here for breakfast and on Tuesday and Thursday I help Benny with training and Friday night is usually fight night. Besides that nothing is new.” 

“Youshouldgetadog” the words jumble together out of Benny’s mouth as he tries to talk through the French toast pouring from his mouth. 

“Damn it brother chew your food and then talk,” Will laughs. 

Benny swallows before trying again, “I said, you should get a dog.” 

“A dog? Why the hell would I get a dog?” he asks. 

“Just hear me out brother, you love routines right? You run every morning and it seems to me that your a little lonely, a dog could go running with you, and keep you company.” 

Will contemplates the idea for a moment and his thoughts can't help but go back to the beautiful woman from the park with the golden retriever. “Yeah, maybe… do we even have any pet shops around here?” 

“Fuck pet shops,” Frankie tells him, “you need to go to the humane society and get a rescue dog, they are the best. Juli and I will even go with you, she would love to see all the dogs. How about 1300 today?” 

Will thinks for a moment before agreeing, “ok...but just to look. I don’t know if I am ready for a dog yet.” 

“Ok I’ll meet you there with Juli and we can go look at the dogs, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you go and fall in love with one and take it home today.” 

Will scoffs, “Sure.” 

When Will pulls his black 2014 Ford truck into the parking lot he feels slightly overwhelmed by all the animals running about. There is a large fenced in yard with exactly fifteen dogs of various shapes and sizes. When Frankie pulled into the spot next to him, he began to feel more at ease with a familiar face and when Juli came running full speed at him he couldn’t help the smile that broke across his face. 

“Uncle WIll!!” Juli screamed tackling him into a hug. 

He swung her up into his arms and she squealed, “hello sunshine! How’s my favorite girl doing? Are you keeping your daddy busy?” 

“Of course! Daddy told me we're gonna help you find a puppy today? Can we get one too daddy?” She leans back in Wills arms and pouts at her father who crosses his arms. 

“I get the impression you and her had this discussion before you came today?” Will asks laughing at the exasperated expression on Frankie's face. 

“More than once,” Frankie nods to him before taking the toddler back, “Sweetie we talked about this, we are not getting a dog today, just Uncle Will.” 

Her face morphs into a pout and both men can feel the beginning of a tantrum coming so they deflect, “Let’s go sunshine! Don’t you want to see all the dogs?” Will leads the way into the shelter and when the bell dings as he crosses the threshold he stops. Frankie runs into his back before pushing the rest of the way inside. 

Sitting at a worn desk is the woman from the park. She’s wearing overalls with a white shirt covered in pink and yellow flowers. Her hair is pulled into a bun on top of her head but three long strands have slipped out and are dangling in front of her face. She’s wearing dark rimmed glasses, and has her nose buried in a book. On the ground under the desk, sticks out a wet black nose of a golden retriever snoring. 

Will coughs lightly to draw her attention and she snaps her head up and seems slightly startled. “Oh hello! I-” she puts her bookmark in her book and the dog rises to its feet, noticing the new arrivals, “Welcome to the Dog House, uhm how can - how can I help you today? She stumbles over her words, and a blush rises up her neck. 

“Hhh-uhm hi,” Will’s arm rises up and he scratches the back of his head, “Dog...I’m looking for a dog.” He can’t keep his eyes off her. The girl he had spent the last couple weeks thinking about, was right in front of him. 

She giggles, “Well then you’ve come to the right place, I’m Andy, you can follow me.” 

Will follows her like a lost puppy...no pun intended. Frankie just watches the two of them, smiling to himself. It’s obvious that Will likes this girl the way he’s acting if only he could see her looking at him the same way. Frankie keeps his thoughts to himself and follows behind the two. 

“What kind of dog are you looking for? Something big? Small? Athletic? Lazy? We have all kinds here.” she asks, gesturing around to the cages as she leads them to a small enclosed area outside. 

“I like to run, in Aveley Park over on 140th street, and I would like a dog to run with. I’m Will by the way,” he offers her his hand. When they touch they both feel a surge of electricity and they don’t let go, continuing to shake hands until Frankie not so subtly clears his throat.

She blushes deep red, and quickly drops his hand smiling shyly at him, “That’s where I like to go with Benny! We go almost every morning for a walk and then I usually read. My sisters have been in town the last couple weeks so we’ve been going in the evenings lately but they’re gone now so maybe I will see you some morning.” 

“Oh uhmm, whose Benny?” Will asks, he didn’t notice a boyfriend last time he saw her. 

“Oh my dog!” she gestures to the dog that has been slowly following between them. 

From behind, Frankie lets out a snort. Will glares at him before meeting your confused expression. “Benny is my brother's name…I guess he and the dog have some things in common. My brother is kind of like a lovable golden retriever.” 

She laughs out loud, and it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard and he’s desperate to hear her laugh again. “Well maybe your Benny and my Benny should meet someday.” 

“I would like that,” Will tells her, smiling. 

The two just stand there smiling at each other like two lovesick fools when Frankie puts down Juli who's been squirming in his arms. She toddles over to the dog and begins gently petting his head, his eyes close and his tail wags and everyone laughs watching the adorable toddler and the dog. 

“Ok,” she slaps her hands together, “athletic dogs, good for running…” 

“Maybe one a little older?” Will hesitantly asks, “I don’t run as fast as I used to.” 

“You know I think I have the perfect dog for you,” she walks over to the kennel and comes back with a gorgeous chocolate lab. Will drops to his knee and gestures for the dog to come and sniff him and he does so without a second thought. 

“What’s his name?” Will asks looking up at her. 

“Tom.” 

Will freezes and in his peripheral he sees Frankie frozen too, both of their eyes are on the dog. “What’s his name?” Will whispers. 

“His name is Tom, they found him wandering around six months ago, they think someone left him. He’s house trained, and very well behaved. We-what’s wrong? You both look like you’ve seen a ghost…” She looks between Will and Frankie. 

Frankie sniffs, “our old army buddy, he passed away a few years ago...his name was Tom.” 

“Oh...oh I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories.” 

“I’ll take him,” Will tells her quickly, “how do I adopt him?” 

“Oh that’s wonderful! Come inside with me and we will get the paperwork all filled out, you can pay the $25 fee and he’s yours,” she places a leash around Tom and hands him to Will. When their hands brush he burns from her touch and she pulls her hand back. It’s not one sided. Juli and Frankie follow behind. Juli is more excited then everyone when Uncle Will tells her the dog is coming home with him. Just thirty minutes later and Will is the proud owner of a new dog. Frankie takes Juli outside to strap her into the car seat and head home. 

“I hope I’m not too forward, but maybe one morning we could go running together...I go for a walk there every morning like I said but for the right partner I could be persuaded to start running in the mornings.” 

“Actually...I would like to walk the dog with you tomorrow morning if you're free... it’s hard to get to know someone when running...then maybe I could take you out for breakfast?” Will feels as nervous as the first time he gave a speech. 

“Yes,” she doesn’t hesitate, “yes, I would like that very much.” She slips a piece of paper from her back pocket with her phone number on it, “I was kind of hoping you would ask. I wrote it as soon as you decided on the dog.” 

He laughs before taking the paper from her fingers, sliding the number into his pocket. He gently grasps her hand and presses a light kiss to her knuckles. “I can’t wait till tomorrow morning,” he tells her before walking backwards out the door. 

Frankie has already left with Juli and he loads Tom into the front seat of the truck, before getting into the driver's seat and buckling his seat belt. He pulls out onto the road and sits at the stop sign, Tom crawls across the seat and places his head in Will’s lap. He puts his head gently, before pulling out to go home, thinking about tomorrow with one beautiful girl, and two dogs. 

Day 12: It evaded me- 

[yayninjabob]

Hi, I loved your story “Villain.” The characterization of everyone was really great, especially for Buttercup’s transformation into Joey. You feel bad for them, but you also feel for their family.

As for episodes in the classic series that show the girls darker sides, I didn’t have a problem with “A Very Special Blossom.” She had sympathetic motivations, and everyone understood where she was coming for in the end. However, she still got a fair punishment.

“Bubblevicious” was a good episode, but Bubbles got off way too easily for her crimes, in my opinion.

I wish Buttercup’s motivations in “Moral Decay” had been a bit more sympathetic than “I want to earn money by knocking out teeth just because,” but I do understand that the writers were trying to go for the greed addiction metaphor. While a lot of us in the fandom complain about her descent into villainy feeling contrived and OOC in “Moral Decay,” I think most of us could have accepted her getting punished for her crimes by having her teeth knocked out by every villain in the city, if the writers hadn’t chosen to involve Blossom and Bubbles in the set up, had them enjoy it, then made even Professor Utonium come across as being very uncharacteristically indifferent in regards to one of his daughters being hurt as comeuppance for her crimes, and then framed that as “okay.” Are we supposed to believe he knows what Blossom and Bubbles did to Buttercup, and he’s okay with that? It’s just entirely OOC for him, even if Buttercup is the low-key black sheep of the family, and Buttercup’s a character with superpowers, living in a cartoon with over-the top physical violence that they generally endure and fully recover from very quickly 99.9% of the time.

It’s not entirely clear if Blossom and Bubbles revealed to Professor that THEY were involved in the set up of Buttercup’s downfall at the end of “Moral Decay,” but they apparently told him about what she did shortly before that beat down they lured her into from the villains because he found her stash of coins. The fact that he doesn’t seem more concerned about Buttercup’s downfall, though, and Blossom and Bubbles aren’t punished implies unfortunate things, though, none of which are within his character.

I also just find it baffling that Professor Utonium wouldn’t feel at least partially guilty for Buttercup’s crimes and ultimate downfall since she had to have been doing this for at least 7-10 days behind their backs in “Moral Decay,” and he failed to notice what was happening before it was too late and she got hurt.

If the writers of “Moral Decay” had gone for the same resolution of Buttercup getting her teeth knocked out as comeuppance for her crimes by all the villains in the city in a cruel twist of fate without involving either of her sisters in the set up, then had the two of them and Professor Utonium still being understandably angry and disappointed in her for her crimes, but also sorry that she got hurt, I think fans would have felt a lot less pissed off. I know Buttercup’s always sort of been the low-key black sheep of the family, but it had never felt like her family hated her either. At the end of “Moral Decay,” it felt like she was hated, and that’s what made most fans feel pissed off. Yeah, Buttercup’s relationships with her sisters and her dad weren’t perfect, but it had never felt like she was this horribly abused, mistreated, neglected, or unloved child by her family either. I think “Moral Decay” gave off some unfortunate implications to fans that she kind of was in that episode at least, and I can’t totally disagree with them.

Yeah, Buttercup deserved punishment for her crimes, but I don’t think it was necessary to drag the entire Utonium family’s good reputation through the mud in “Moral Decay” to do it either.

Yo, I'm gonna be honest and admit that I quite like the episode "Moral Decay" haha.

You're not wrong though and I have seen this episode criticized by lots of fans that point out what you mention, so you're definitely not alone in that opinion. I guess I am just old school and I grew up with cartoons that were often just randomly OOC, over the top and the world would magically reset after some insane episodes- but personally it isn't a negative for me. I enjoy when shows- cartoons especially- don't take themself too seriously. I appreciate the "how far can we take this" approach- and if not in cartoons then where else is it appropriate to push the boundaries? Probably a little better done in the episode Down n Dirty but I still enjoy the episode for what it is.

Lazy or bad writing is different and I just don't think MD is an episode with lazy or bad writing. It's not my most favorite episode but I definitely get my lols from it haha and there are definitely worse episodes in the series. As a kid I would yank my own teeth out the moment I felt them going lose eager to get that tooth fairy cash once I realized it was a thing and so I personally enjoy that that sorta childhood phase was shown in this episode. Personally I always like episodes that show the puffs going through kid stuff but with the fun twist of having superpowers. Is it over the top? Yeah. Totally. But that montage with Buttercup knocking Bubbles at every turn gets a laugh from me every time haha- just the visual of Buttercup's slow reach while Bubbles is coloring before slamming her head onto the table- hilarious to me. I'm sorry haha but it gets me every time. 😅

Buttercup's treatment as "the black sheep" comes up elsewhere in the series and not just this episode. All of which lend to the inspiration for my fic "Villain" for sure. I am glad to hear you enjoy the story and that you feel the sympathy equally for Buttercup/Joey and their family. It definitely is an aim of mine to avoid portraying just one side as totally good or totally bad- Well... Except of course HIM haha. He's straight up evil.

Thanks for reading! And thanks so much for the ask and for sharing your thoughts! It is definitely fun to delve a little deeper into these episodes sometimes. :D

[cockasinthebird]

Prompt 212! I hope it's a good one, but it's your writing so I'm sure it'll be fantastic! Congrats again on 500!! 💕😊💖 -opaldraws

@opaldraws yeah I’m also tagging your other blog, what about it 😌💕

212. “Did you just call to get off to my voice?”

Now, I haven’t written it a lot, but I absolutely L O V E phone sex fics, and for the sake of it, I’ve written this a bit into the future; not quiet a modern day au, but more of an... early 2000′s au, because I wanted them to have phones, but not something modern and smart, so for the sake of the prompt, imagine that they both have that super iconic Nokia 3310, you know exactly which one 😂😂🤣

Also this includes mechanic Billy, another of my favourite aus

Thank you again so much for prompting me, babe!!!! I think it’s fantastic, so, for your pleasure, 1.7k words, enjoy~

-

Steve rolls around in sheets that still smell of Billy. He stretches out with a grunt, naked and lazy blissful, the clock on his side of the bed says 10:13 am, on a typical Tuesday morning. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and stares at a water stain in the corner of the ceiling, one which Billy claims that if you squint, it looks like a voluptuous woman. 

To think, three months they’ve lived here now, a shitty little one bedroom apartment down on mainstreet, walking distance from the workshop and Family Video, yet Billy insists every day on driving the camaro, revving the engine and showing off in front of his envious coworkers. 

Three months since they became official, three months since Neil kicked Billy out, three months since Steve’s father cut him out of the will. 

Three months they’ve spent every night together, yet, as Steve presses his face into Billy’s pillow, inhaling the musky scent of his sweat, he still yearns all the same as he did back in high school. The same old desperation and neediness fills him just at the mere thought of his boyfriend. And he’s hardly to blame, being naked in their bed, in their apartment. 

He breathes in deep again and sighs contentedly into the fabric, raising his hips to allow for a hand to slip beneath, fingers grazing gently across hardening flesh.

Their schedules don’t always align, Billy being off on weekends, Steve on, leaving the poor brunette home alone Tuesdays and Thursdays. And he misses him already, as needy and pathetic and clingy as that might be, making him anxious and doubtful, but Billy calls it cute and sweet and that, “I miss you, too, baby,” so maybe someday Steve will learn that this kind of behaviour and thought is ok when you’re in love, and won’t get pushed away for it.

Billy never pushes him away, no he holds him, kisses him, loves him. Tells him every day with the sweetest kisses. In the mornings when they’re rushing off to work because they stayed in bed for too long. In the evening when they’re cooking dinner and eating together by the little round table. In the night when they’re pressed together soft and slow, rough and fast, skin on skin on skin.

Steve closes his hand around his full dick and strokes at a far too slow pace, enjoying the pleasant sparks that spread around his lower abdomen and thighs, not enough for release, but enough for him to moan lightly into Billy’s pillow. He runs his other arm beneath it to hug it tighter against his face, wishing to be as close to Billy as he can right now.

God he really needs Billy right now… Billy Billy Billy… If he closes his eyes and focuses hard enough, he can almost imagine that it’s Billy’s hand stroking him now, calloused and worn from work, strong and firm, he tightens his grip, thrusting into his fingers with jittery and impatient hips.

He turns his head to look at his phone on the bedside table, thinking, tempted to call. And he only really wastes a few brief seconds convincing himself, before he’s reaching for it with his free hand, the motion of his other hand becoming lackadaisical as he finds Billy’s phone number on his phone.

The ringing like a drum solo, his heart beating hard and loud in tact. 

“Hey honey,” Billy says with a voice pure with adoration, and Steve’s heart calms down immediately, feeling his dulcet tone embrace his heart.

“You’re up early,” he teases.

“Yeah, I…” Steve trails off, not really sure what to say, just really wanted to listen to Billy talk. “H-how’s work?”

“Oh you won’t believe what I’m looking at!” the eagerness in his voice palpable, “This old couple comes in with the most gorgeous Cadillac from the 70s! Says they’re taking retirement ‘on the road’, but it’s been sputtering an awful lot lately, so now,” he pauses for the sake of dramatic effect, “I get to clean this old gals engine! New spark plugs, cleaning the carburetor, and an oil change on the house.”

Even if Steve doesn’t know what any of that really means, he gets a near second-hand thrill from how excited Billy is. Also it paints a perfect picture, Billy with his jumpsuit tied around his waist because he loves to show off those arms, covered in oil and grease and sweat, the dirty, white tank top, hair tied back.

There’s a longer pause before Billy asks, “What are you up to?” something in his tone that might imply he knows exactly what Steve’s doing.

“I-I’m still in bed,” Steve responds with all the self-control he has, albeit not a lot of it.

“Oh yeah?” Billy’s voice deep and raspy all of a sudden. “And what are you doing in bed? Because it doesn’t sound like you’re sleeping.”

Steve rolls on to his back and looks down at where his prick has started leaking; the pre helping with the dryness as he swipes his thumb over the head. 

“Come on, princess,” Billy drawls when there’s no response, “Tell me what you’re doing.”

“I-I- ahh…” Steve moans gingerly before biting down on his lip. “I’m touching myself.”

“Thinking about anyone in particular?”

The obvious answer being, “You.”

His phone nearly vibrates when Billy chuckles like rolling thunder. “So… did you just call to get off to my voice?”

“Yes,” Steve says without a filter, lust slowly pulling him apart as he jerks a bit faster to the sensuous tone of Billy.

“That’s awfully naughty of you.”

A breathless, “Fuck,” escapes him as he screws his eyes shot to picture Billy again.

“Calling me like this, in the middle of my work day… Do you know how hard that makes me? Listening to you pant and moan like that? Making it impossible to focus on my work, baby.”

He leans into the phone, moans a bit louder, unadulterated, let’s out a slight, “Billy…”

And Billy laughs. “Oh that’s so unfair, you saying my name like that when I can’t do anything about it. When I come home later, I’m gonna fuck you so good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The echo of a lock comes through the phone and Steve blinks open.

“What are you doing?”

Next he hears just a light clink of a belt.

“I’m in the employees bathroom, taking a break. You didn’t think I’d just let you get off on your own, did you? Don’t be so selfish.”

“Billy, are you-”

“I am,” he sighs with satisfaction - a roughness to the edge of his voice.

A sigh and insinuation that gives Steve all the right clues for the perfect picture of Billy, sitting with his legs spread out, cock out through the hole in his boxers to stroke it, making Steve’s own kick and drip more. He slides further down their bed as he raises his hips into his fist, closing his eyes again to focus on Billy’s breathing, his words.

“Mmmh, when I get off from work, when I get home in 4 hours, you better be naked, waiting for me as I step through the door.”

Steve imagines it just so, listening to Billy like he’s being told a story- a promise. 

“We won’t make it to the bedroom - I can’t wait that long to touch you again.”

“Billy,” he whines and runs his hand a bit too fast, chasing an all too soon release.

“I’m gonna have you bent over the dining table, eating you out till you’re begging me to finger you open. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, pretty boy?”

“Yes, yes, oh fuck-” 

Each word sending static shivers through his entire being, making him buck his hips harder, thrusting with abandon into the whimsical motion of his hand. He presses the phone between his face and the pillow, to allow his left hand the freedom to go down, squeezing his balls tenderly, pressing and massaging his taint beneath.

“God, shit- arrh- listen to you, princess, so obedient and willing… Getting so wet just from my voice, hmmm…” his deep, carnal humming vibrates through the phone. “And once you’re all stretched out and ready from four of my fingers, I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll be on the verge of tears, all sensitive from my big cock.”

“Please, Billy,” he whines, oh so close, the fuse burning quickly at the speed of his hand.

“Fuck I love it when you say my name like that, all needy and horny and pliant, begging for me to pound your ass, fuck- ah-”

“Billy,” Steve whines and really milks it for all it’s worth, drawing it out into a full moan. “Billy I’m so close.”

“Let me hear you cum, baby,” Billy growls out, rugged with laboured breathing.

“God, fuck- fuck, a-ah-” And Steve doesn’t keep quiet, opens wide as he arches his back, lifts his hips high into the air as he pumps himself with fervor, cum spurting from his throbbing cock and onto his chest, a splash reaching his throat from the raised angle. Billy has, on numerous occasions, called it “pornographic,” says that Steve gives a better performance, riding on his dick, than any of the actors on tape.

Billy grunts and groans on the other end, struggling to keep his own euphoria down no doubt, but it is clear to Steve that his boyfriend is right there with him, and listening to him cum gives him a deep rooted thrill, an incredible sense of satisfaction that can almost rival his own orgasm.

They pant and gasp for air together, Billy sounding more like he’s been diving too deep for too long, but chuckles all the same.

“Mmmmh glad you called, bambi,” he hums deep and satisfied and happy.

A joy that brings such elation to Steve’s own heart.

“Me, too,” he laughs back, short and utterly exhausted. He could absolutely go for a nap now.

“Now, you have…” a pause as Billy no doubt looks at his wristwatch, “three hours and about twenty minutes to get cleaned up, regain your energy, and drink lots of water, because when I get home, I’m gonna have to punish you for this.”

[clockotea]

Chain Thoughts

Words- 4096

Warnings- Read below.  Dissociation, depression.

Ships- Slight Purly.

Notes- Okay yeahhhhhhhhhhh. I didn’t proof read this or edit it. I just wanted it done, because I like concept of this headcanon, however I don’t have motivation to edit. If you see some problems with spelling, grammar or whatever, I apologize. I’ll edit it later. I went through moments like Ponyboy does in this when I was younger and there are times where I still do. I’ve been busy with school so this took me awhile, and now we are going back on wednesdays so I won’t have that much time to write. I also rushed the ending :( I’m thinking about writing about if Ponyboy got put into a boy’s home. SO YEAH

-Ally-Lx

Headcanon- This headcanon belongs to @chaotically-cas

“When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home.”

It didn’t make sense. There were seven days in a week. So, why did Ponyboy only remember waking up 5 out of the seven days? Ponyboy pushes his potatoes to the side with his spoon. His other hand rubs his chain between his fingers. All he remembers was an argument with Darry before falling into a daze.

“What’s the matter with you, Ponyboy? Normally you would be stuffin’ your face.” Says Soda with a mouth full.

“What? Were you raised in a barn, little man?” Scolds Darry. Soda smirks and nods his head. Darry glares daggers at Soda. He slaps him in the back of the head, causing him to choke. Soda swallows this chicken and points his fork at Darry. He says some funny threat making Darry chuckle, but Ponyboy couldn’t process it. Ponyboy rubs his forehead where a migraine was starting to form.

“Ponyboy.” Darry’s voice breaks him out of his trance.

“Hm?”

“Mrs. Rutt called today.” He crosses his arms, expecting Ponyboy to explain why.

“Darry, just get to it.”

“She says you have 6 missing assignments.” 

Darry didn’t have bad grammar skills, like the rest of the greasers. He didn’t cut his ing’s short. He didn’t round his vowels, either. It was considered formal until the rest of the gang was there. Even then, his speech was formal. 

How did I forget about the 6 assignments?

“Ponyboy, you can’t just go running off forgetting about your homework.” States Darry. His face seemed to be made out of stone. The light draped over him like a cloth, creating perfect shadows that outlined his muscles. 

“I wasn’t- that’s not it-”

“Oh, cut him some slack, dare-bear,” Darry grumbles at his nickname. “It’s not like you have never had a late assignment.”

Ponyboy grabs his plate. He goes to put the food into a container.

“You haven’t been excused.”

“I didn’t realize I was eating with the president.” He sneers back.

“Yeah, well, you better sit your ass down.” Ponyboy freezes to see if Darry takes action.

“Ponyboy, hand me your plate. I’ll finish your food.” Soda says, breaking the silence. He nods and hands the glass plate to Soda.

“I’m going to go do those assignments.” Ponyboy whispers hoarsely. He fidgeted with his chain looking for approval from Darry. Darry sighs and nods.

IT WAS ONLY THE START

What am I doing? Ponyboy looks around. It didn’t feel real to be walking to the dingo in these jeans. Where am I going? Ponyboy looks around. The sun was dipping below the horizon yet beaming down on him. Ponyboy’s hair had turned a reddish-brown in the sunlight. The grease in his hair reflected against the sunlight. 

Think, C’mon Ponyboy. Think. What do you remember last? Last night, he and Darry had gotten into an argument. It was about how he managed school work. The entire gang was there. He brought up how Ponyboy had 6 missing assignments. Steve had chimed in and said that Ponyboy had skipped class. It wasn’t that big of a deal. I’m ahead in that class. But the argument had gotten blown out of proportion when Two-Bit said he saw him and Curly hanging out. It was bad when Darry said he didn’t want Curly around Ponyboy alone, but when he said he didn’t want them together at all, Ponyboy couldn’t help but argue back.

‘Ponyboy.” Ponyboy snaps his head to the voice. Hair slicked back... leather jacket… mickey shirt… boots… rust color hair… grey eyes. Two-bit.

“You alright, Pony?” He holds the door open. 

“Yeah. I’m good.” Lies Ponyboy. He felt as if he had taken a huge step off a cliff, into a cold pool of water. It made him feel cold and as if he was on autopilot. 

He takes a step up into the crisp air. The sound of chatter. The smell of what? The smell of fries. Warm red-colored booths. The pale floor seemed to gleam under the neon blue sign above the menu. He scans the room to see who Two-bit would be hanging out with. Ponyboy blinks as he makes his way to Johnny Cade beside Two-bit. Johnny nods his head at Pony. The seats crack under the weight of Ponyboy. Two-bit smiles.

“Hey, Ponyboy. What you doin’ walkin’ all your lonesome?” Johnny asks, clearing his throat.

“I saw him standing outside looking around like a doof,” Laughs Two-bit. “So, he’s just being his regular self.”

All of Ponyboy’s doubt seems to drip away the more Two-bit teases him. Ponyboy makes snarky comments back as Johnny scans his eyes over Ponyboy. Johnny shakes his head and messes with his jacket.

“Alright, guys. Enough,” Chuckles Johnny. “Ponyboy walking around alone is just asking for you to get jumped.”

Two-bit smirks mischievously, “Aw, c’mon Johnny. Ponyboy is tough. He can take on 5 socs at once.” Ponyboy smiles. 

Johnny shakes his head, “I just don’t want what happened to me to happen to him,”

“As I said, he can handle any soc. The only person he cannot handle is me.”

“Oh yeah?” Smirks Ponyboy.

“Yeah!” Two-Bit slams his elbow on the table. “Let’s go. I’m stronger than 10 of you”

“Let’s find out!” Ponyboy slams his palm into Two-bit’s.

The two boys arm wrestle until they are red in the face. Johnny laughs at how they struggle and refuse to give up. They didn’t want their pride to be damaged. The 3 boys ate fries that were too salty. Two-bit would eat their fries instead of his, letting his fries go cold. Ponyboy sipped his Pepis as Johnny messed with the whipped cream on his milkshake. It wasn’t until Two-bit brought up Ponyboy’s curfew did they get up to leave. Ponyboy felt as if everything in the world was right. He was smiling and laughing. Everything was right until they got home. Then it feels as if Ponyboy was in the pool of water again and drowning. 

Why is it only happening to me?

Ponyboy flipped over to his stomach. Darry had told him to get up 30 minutes ago. Ponyboy used to be an early bird. He would wake up and sneak out onto the roof to watch the sunset. His mom would come up with him and sit with him. It was a time where Ponyboy was comfortable. It was a time when he felt safe and didn’t have to worry about Darry throwing him into a boy’s home.

What was the point of getting out of bed, when no matter what you do, it irritates people? He already knew how Steve felt about him. Dallas barely talked to him. He was always out messing around. They often thought of him as a kid. 

Ponyboy softly runs his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t feel angry or sad that the gang thought of Ponyboy like that. It made sense. Am I really that annoying? I don’t mean to be. Ponyboy sighs. He didn’t want to get out of bed, it was too warm and comfortable. It’s the only place I can’t screw up.

The door swings open and slams with a crash. Ponyboy rolls his eyes with annoyance. His back was warm, and felt as he was laying in a hay stack. He shifts uncomfortably. 

“Ponyboy?” calls out Whos voice is that? Dallas.

“Hm, Yeah?” whines Ponyboy. Dallas walks in. His hair was flowing all over. His jean jacket looked stiff, the buttons raddled against his chain. Dallas’s pants dipped into every crevice everytime he moved. He raises his eyebrow at the fact that Ponyboy is still in bed. 

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you when you are having personal time.” He says chuckling.

“C’mon Dallas, tease me all you want. Just don’t tell Darry that I’m still in bed,” mutters Ponyboy. Dallas presses his lips into a thin line. The bed dips into Dallas’s favor as he stares at Ponyboy, as if he had just spoken a random language to him.

“You mean to tell me that Ponyboy Curtis hasn’t left bed all morning?” He questions.

“No sir,” Says Ponyboy into his pillow. Dallas whistles and continues to stare at him. Dallas smelled of booze, metal, and cigarettes. Dallas pulls a cigarette from his pocket. He flicks a match against the box and lights it up.

“Aw, c’mon Dal, you know Darry will kill me if he smells cancer-stick smoke in me and Soda’s room.” Ponyboy sits up and glares at Dallas. His hair falls over his forehead and partly in his eyes. He runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it back lightly. The sunlight reflects in his eyes.

“Ponyboy, you feelin’ alright?.” He asks, puffing smoke out of his mouth. The smoke coats the room in a thin layer, of the gray, toxic, cloud.

No, something is wrong

“Yeah, just thought today was supposed to be a lazy day.” Ponyboy states.

“Well, not anymore!” He hollers. “Curly was practically begging me to give him Darry’s schedule so he can sneak in and talk to you. I couldn’t betray Darry’s trust that much, so I’m just going to take you to him.”

“So, he’s finally out of the cooler?” mumbles Ponyboy.

“He’s been out for a week. Just hasn’t had time to see you.” Dallas smiles at Ponyboy, like Curly not sparing time for him was funny. I wouldn’t spare time for me either. What was it that made Ponyboy sick to his stomach? The fact that it was summer break and Curly was “busy”, or the fact that he didn’t even come himself. 

“Why didn’t you just bring him here?” Asks Ponyboy reaching for a shirt. He digs his fingers into the soft fabric of a black shirt. It was tossed to the side from last night, when it got too hot to keep it on.

“He’s busy with Tim. Said he’ll meet you there.”

Ponyboy slips the the shirt on. The feeling of being alone and disconnected was joining him again. Ponyboy sighs and rubs his forehead. He twists his chain in between his fingers. The cold, round, edge pushes down into Ponyboy’s skin. Dallas stands and pats his shoulder.

“Get ready,”

“I’m not going, Dallas,” Ponyboy whispers.

Dallas drops his gaze, “Oh, how come? Don’t want to disappoint Darry?” 

Dallas goes to pinch Ponyboy’s cheeks, but Ponyboy catches his wrists.

“Screw off, Dallas.” He sneers.

“Oh, Jesus. I get you might get jealous about not seeing him, and you want to create a statement but-”

Maybe it would all stop if I gave up and listened to Darry.

“I don’t want to create a statement, Dally. I got enough stress on my back with me arguing with Darry. I can’t handle whatever crime he’s gonna’ get himself into when I’m around. It would make Darry furious” 

“What’s the point of having rules if it ain’t for them to be broken.” Chuckles Dallas.

Ponyboy sighs and rubs his temples. It was getting harder and harder to process what he was saying, why he was mad, why he wanted to understand Darry.

“No, it would put stress on Darry. He has enough stress with me here.” He argues.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m starting to think you being put into a boy’s home would make it less stressful for Darry.” Chuckles Dallas. Dallas thought he was making a light-hearted joke. Something that was going to make Ponyboy chuckle, and he would get over it. Ponyboy couldn’t help but let everything take over. Before he knew it he was, so out of it, he didn’t know what they were arguing about.

“It would be… wouldn’t it?” Murmurs Ponyboy. Dallas’s eyes shoot up, trying to catch the emotion on Ponyboy’s face. Ponyboy’s eyes used to be warm summer green that would look grey in different lighting. They were kind of green that was warm and welcoming, like the green leaves that would grow on the tree’s Darry and Sodapop would climb when his parents were alive. Used too. All the stuff that made Ponyboy look like a kid was slowly fading.

“Hey, you know I ain’t mean that,” Chuckles Dallas. “It was a light-hearted joke.”

Ponyboy chuckles, “Yeah, I know. I’m still not going.”

“Alright… “ Ponyboy sits on the bed as Dallas closes the door behind him. Why was this feeling only happening to him? Why wasn’t it happening to Sodapop or Darry?

I tried, I really did.

Sodapop’s hands were warm compared to Ponyboy’s back. Ponyboy had been feeling colder ever since he stopped eating as much. He was sleeping in sweatpants, and hoodies trying to keep his body heat. Soda had slid his hands up his shirt and was rubbing his back just like their dad used to. Darry sat in the chair watching his brother comfort Ponyboy.

“Pony, are you alright?” questions Soda.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” Darry can’t help but bite his lip, a habit he picked up when he was nervous.

“You haven’t left our bed yet. Steve and I are going to a party. Do you want to join us?”

He’s a tag-along, Soda.

“No. I don’t want to be a tag-along and annoy you and Steve.”

“Ponyboy… You’re not a tag-along.” He whispers.

They sit in comfortable silence, waiting for the other to speak. Soda’s fingers trace over Ponyboy’s spine. He runs his nails all the way to where his pants start. Sodapop’s eyes fill with concern. Ponyboy shift’s to face Soda. His eyes were hazy and cold. His cheeks were no longer a soft red but a pale tone of peach. His lips weren’t a rose pink and curved into a smile. He looked tired, cold, and bored.

“Maybe you and Darry could go to the movie theater?” Suggest Sodapop.

“No, I don’t feel like it.”

“Ponyboy quit bein’ difficult. You can’t be lazy all day.”

“C’mon Darry, just leave him alone.” Says Soda.

“I would be going out and having fun if you allowed me to see Curly.” 

“Is that what this is about. Are you acting this way over Curly?” Gasps Darry.

“I ain’t actin’ weird, and yes, I’m still angry about you banning me from seeing Curly.”

“Why, he ain’t that important.” Soda says softly. Steve walks in and leans on the door frame. 

“I finally have a friend that’s my age and is my friend not because of my brothers, and then you banned me from seeing him.”

“... He’s not wrong, Darry.” Says Steve.

“He’s a bad influence!” scowls Darry.

“Yeah, and Dallas ain’t?”  Ponyboy could feel the confusion in Soda. He knew it wasn’t just about Curly. Darry was picking up on Ponyboy’s body language and could tell. The reason why he was acting this way was not just about curly.

“Darry, Curly likes Ponyboy as a friend too. He asked why you didn’t sneak out to see him the other day.” Said Soda looking at his brother. His face was tight, and his hair was slicked back. He smelled of cheap cologne like he was going to impress Sandy.

“I didn’t want to sneak out because it would stress out Darry, but now that he knows that I was asked to sneak out to see him.” Ponyboy sits up and looks at Darry. “I’m askin’ kindly. Otherwise, I’m just gonna sneak out.”

“Ponyboy, you shouldn’t be speakin’ to your elders like that. Darry has done so much for you. Your lucky he didn’t send you to a boy’s  home!” Sneer Steve. His patience was dwindling. Evie was waiting for Steve. She had called him and reminded him about how dolled up she was getting just for him. Why wouldn’t he want to rush to his beautiful girlfriend?

“Steve!” Hollers Darry.

“Yeah, and I bet he regrets not putting me in one.” Taunts Ponyboy. He stands up and walks out of his room. The wood creaks under his weight. 

“Ponyboy, I ain’t gonna put you into a boys home!” Calls out Darry.

“Why not? You already suffer from the bills! Why should you worry about me!”

“Ponyboy!” Sodapop reaches for him. Ponyboy yanks his arm out of Sodapop’s hand. Ponyboy slips on his white converse. His feet fit perfectly in the soles of them. The shoe curve at the right places, cradling his feet as he runs out the door.

Where are my memories going?

The last thing Ponyboy remembers was storming out of the house. The next thing he knows, he’s sitting next to a curly hair boy. Curly had seen Ponyboy running off and went running after him. Curly basically tackled the skinny boy. He gripped his arm and pinned him. The fear that was in Ponyboy’s eyes made him worry. Curly watched as Ponyboy’s lips curved into a frown.

“Tell them before it gets worse.” Cuts in Curly.

“They won’t understand.” Chokes out Ponyboy.

“If I understood everything you said and I’m worried. Then your brothers will be worried.”

“Yeah, because Darry is just one brain cell smarter.” Snorts Ponyboy. Curly gives him a rough smirk. Curly watched as the sun reflected in Ponyboy’s eyes. 

“Curly I-”

“No overthinkin’. just sit here in silence before you say some dumb shit.” Ponyboy grins at the sky. The silence covered the boys like a thick blanket. It made them feel safe and like they are in their own bubble. Ponyboy turned to Curly to admire his figure.

The grass caressed his cheek, and Curly’s smile softened. His body looked like it could’ve been shaped out of clay. His hair curled around the edges of his face. The grease in his hair was already starting to wear off, making his hair fling up. The sky paled yellow, then crimson, and with one deep breath, electric indigo.

Why aren’t they noticing? 

Ponyboy woke in Darry’s arms. He had been thrashing around and screaming, trying to wake himself up. Darry’s grip tightens around the boy. Even though Ponyboy had awakened from the nightmare he was suffocating in, Darry didn’t let go. Darry’s arms felt as if they were melting the thin layer of ice on Ponyboy’s skin.

“ I got you.” Who? Who has me? 

“I-I” Gasps out Ponyboy. His nails dig into Darry’s skin. The smell of sweat and wood.

“Who’s holding me? Who is holding me?” He whispers. Darry’s grip tightens on the fragile boy. His strong figure had gotten smaller. The damage of not eating as much as he used too was showing through. Although he was still stronger than most kids his age, Ponyboy struggled to get out of Darry’s arms.

“I need you to calm down.” Scowls Darry. Tears start streaming down his face. Ponyboy feel’s as if he’s back in the cold pool of water, and drowning. He gasps trying to let the air reach his air, but nothing could get through. 

“No.. N-no,” Stutters Ponyboy. “I can’t remember who you are. Please, I can’t remember who you are.” 

I don’t know who’s holding me. I don’t know where I am, and why I’m here. I don’t know my name. 

“What? What are you talkin’ about?” Darry’s voice was laced with concern.

“I can’t even remember my name.” Cries out Ponyboy. He tries once again to push Darry’s arms away. Darry just pulls him closer.

“Ponyboy. Your name is Ponyboy,” Whimpers Darry. “I’m your brother, Darry.”

Ponyboy shakes his head and starts crying harder. He gave up on pushing away Darry. The entire house creaked, as the leaves scrapped on the outside of the house. Darry’s hands start shaking, they grip Ponyboy’s arms harder.

“Ponyboy-” Starts Darry. Ponyboy doesn’t feel like he is in his body. He feels as if he was floating around his body. It was cold and all he wanted was his parents. Aren’t they dead? To come get him, and wake him up. He wanted them to push him back into his body. Darry stops the questions when every time he asked, Ponyboy shakes his head no. He let the small boy fall asleep

It’s come to come home.

Ponyboy wakes up in Darry’s arms. It was soft whispers circling around him. Ponyboy could feel the goosebumps prickling on his skin. Are they going to send me to a boy’s home? Is there something wrong with me?

“So, let me get this straight, he didn’t remember you or his name?” Cuts in Sodapop’s slow and hoarse voice.

“Yes, Sodapop. That’s what I said.” Darry says harshly.

“I don’t know, Darry. He could’ve just been shocked from the nightmare… remember how he got them right after mom and dad died? They never really went away. The doctor just said he needs to run outta energy. He barely leaves our bed anymore. His nightmares could just be getting worse.”

“No, this was different, Sodapop. I wouldn’t be telling you if it wasn’t. I’m thinking about taking him to the doctor again.”

“No offense Darry, but can we even afford it? I care about Ponyboy too, but I don’t think we can afford it.” Whimpers Soda.

“No, I don’t think we can,” Whispers Ponyboy. Both Sodapop and Darry’s eyes trace over his figure. Ponyboy pushes Darry’s arm off of him. He sits up and flops on his stomach, away from the boys. The cold air hit his back. He felt as if he just go out of a sauna. “Plus, it was just another one of my nightmares. It’s no big deal.” 

“No Ponyboy, this one was different. You couldn’t remember me or your name.” 

“Just like Soda said, I was just in shock. It’s no big deal.”

“Ponyboy, it is a big deal. Please, let’s just take you to the doctor. I’ve already made the appointment.” Hisses Darry.

They are wasting money on me. Just because I’m sick if I could just suck it up.

“Darry, please. It’s not that big of a deal. Don’t take me to the doctors.” Ponyboy turns to his brother. He had changed for work. He wasn’t there. He called in sick. All because of me.

“Alright, so something is wrong,” Grumbles Sodapop. He sits up and grabs Ponyboy’s arm. “Pony, if nothing’s wrong explain everything. Why you’re acting weird, why you can’t get out of bed, why you look like you’re sick… why you are aggressive.” 

It clicks in their heads. They both look at Ponyboy as if he was crying. Concern was written all over their faces. Sodapop’s grip loosens. They saw it in their mom after Ponyboy was born. Mothers get depressed because they lost a part of them. Ponyboy was depressed because he lost a big part of his life.

“Oh, Jesus Ponyboy. Why didn’t you tell us?” Asks Darry.

“Tell you what? God, you both don’t know when to mind your own business.” Ponyboy stands and walks out of the room. The house was quiet but he could hear Steve’s and Two-bits voices outside the door.

“That doesn’t explain why he’s forgotten things.” Mutters Sodapop. He trails after Ponyboy with Darry. Ponyboy opens the white refrigerator door. He scans the fridge for a coke.

“No, eat some real food.” Demands Darry.

“With some water. I can’t remember the last time you drank water.” Murmurs Sodapop.

Ponyboy sighs as he grapes a coke. He slams the door shut and turns to his brothers.

“Nothing is wrong with me.”

“No, nothing is wrong with you. However, you do need help handling emotions.” Says Darry calmly. Ponyboy scrunches his eyebrows together. He scoffs and opens the coke.

“What about emotions?” Calls out Steve. The door slams shut behind him, rattling the entire house. The floorboards creak under Steves’s weight.

“Steve, give us a second for ourselves goddammit!” Cries out Darry.

“No, Steve come in. I was just about to go to Curly’s.”  Calls out Ponyboy. He lifts up his bottle to chug the rest of his drink. Darry pulls the drink out of Ponyboy’s hand.

“No, you’re not going to Curly’s. We’re taking you to the doctors or so help me Ponyboy-”

“No. There ain’t nothin’ wrong with me!”

“Your Ponyboy, lots of things are wrong with you,” Steve says chuckling.

“Steve, can you get out.” Says Ponyboy.

“Steve this is private.”

“Alright, alright. I get it.” Steve leaves the room leaving it to be silent.

“Ponyboy, just let us take care of you.” Whispers Darry. Darry runs his fingers through Ponyboy’s hair. His fingers glide through Ponyboy’s hair without any trouble. His hair didn’t have any grease in it. Ponyboy almost broke down there. He felt disconnected and helpless. Darry pulled him into his arms. 

It’s been a few months since Ponyboy was diagnosed. He went to the movies to draw him out of his head. To protect him from his thoughts. When Ponyboy stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, he had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home.

They thought everything going on in Ponyboy’s head was horrible. They weren’t ready for what was going to happen.

[poetryofyouth]

I did it, I finally quit psychiatry

(I wrote this for r/antipsychiatry, but I thought I might as well post it here too. don't read if you're easily triggered)

It's been a long journey through hell, but I've had enough. I'm not taking any more shit from incompetent, clueless doctors who think they know me better than I do myself. Who do not listen to me when I beg them to change the medication and instead just give me more of the stuff that is making me worse. I'll finally be free.

I doubt anyone cares, but I'll just tell you my story from the beginning. This is going to be a very long story. Basically, I became depressed at 14 or 15, I'm a 22 year old woman now. The reason was mainly that I couldn't handle the pressure from school. I am a very ambitious, perfectionist but also extremely lazy person. I was constantly beating myself up for not achieving what I wanted to achieve but also unable to fix my behavior. I did also have some slight, not even that serious trauma from a emotionally neglectful childhood and my parents telling me I was a failure every time I would get a grade that wasn't an A. At some point it all became too much and I started self-harming. Then I got worse and worse, self harming occasionally but severely, until I finally attempted suicide at 17.

I was locked into a youth psychiatry institution against my. will. I had my rights, my freedom taken away and was forced to take heavy medications. The very first evening I asked the psychiatrist at the hospital about the side effects of the medications, but he refused to tell me anything and instead just said I should trust his professional judgement. Unfortunately I was too tired and unwell to keep asking so I just accepted not knowing what would happen to me.

They gave me very high doses of Seroquel (Quetiapine), SSRIs and other stuff that I don't even know because they didn't even tell me the names of what they made me take. I just know the names of the medications I was supposed to continue to take after the hospital stay because they were in the papers they gave me. Then after a few days I begged the doctor to take me off the meds because I was so tired I could barely move. I had never felt worse in my life. she refused and instead upped my dose further.

I got worse and worse until I managed to get access to a razor blade I injured myself with on purpose. When my roommate told the nurses what I had done, I was forcefully, against my will restrained onto a bed. Yes, they actually tied me to a bed. And then pushed the bed into a small room where I was alone, and tied to the bed, unable to move. Of course I had a severe panic attack. The room had video surveillance, but it took them quite some time to notice that I was having a panic attack. they finally came and gave me something to breathe into and I calmed down more or less, but they didn't untie me. I later had to pee, and they didn't even untie me for that. I had to pee into a bedpan while tied to the bed, with a nurse watching me. it was incredibly humiliating. I was not untied the entire night. I was restrained until the next morning. When they finally untied me, I had quite seriously injured myself from fighting against the restraints. I had basically torn the skin off my ankles, the scars are faded now but they were visible for many years. It was quite painful. I do consider this incident of being restrained against my will psychiatric abuse, especially because I was restrained for so long. In total probably 10 hours, maybe even more.

Then the hospital didn't really know what to do with myself. I had of course lost any trust I had into the nurses and doctors and shut myself off from them. So they transferred me to a different institution, a more high-security one. Of course I wasn't asked if that was okay, I had to comply. I had began to form relationships with some of the girls, so being taken away from the small support system I had was very stresssful, especially considering how fragile I was at that time.

The other institution wasn't much different, but it was good for me to be taken away from the people who had abused me. I got a tiny bit better. I started to trust the nurses there a little bit. I got along with the other patients and over all liked the hospital better for maby reasons. And then they noticed I was a little better. And then they decided I was well enough to go back to the other hospital. Of course I wasn't asked this time either. But I had made more progress there in two weeks than in the other hospital in a month. I had again started building a little support system. But worst of all, I was forced to go back to the place where I had been abused, and at the time I was still very affected by the experience. I felt incredibly powerless and betrayed, but I didn't have a choice.

Then back at the first hospital I decided I would get better, for no other reason than to finally be able to leave that horrible place.

Then two things were getting severly uncomfortable. I was weighed every week and started noticing significant weight gain. At the same time, I was hungry all the time. painfully hungry, ravenous, even. I basically felt like I was starving all the time but still put on weight. Of course that was because of the high doses of Seroquel, but no one told me. I told nurses, doctors and therapists about the hunger and weight gain, but they simply didn't tell me that was a side effect, they told me an increased appetite was a sign i was getting better. I legit thought I was losing my mind.I have struggled with weight all my life and putting weight on like that made me feel horrible.

Then the doctor decided I was well enough to start taking up school work again. I begged him not to force me to, I told them the pressure of school was the reason I was sick in the first place. Of course no one listened to me. I was forced to do school work even if I knew it wasn't good for me. they didn't care.

Then, after three months of hell, I was finally released. And only because it was Christmas, and my parents refused to leave me there over Christmas. I got a therapist and medication for home.

Then after the Christmas holidays I, against my will, started going to school again. And after about two weeks, my new therapist told me that I had to choose between dropping out of school or going back to the hospital, because school was already making me severely suicidal again. And that was one of the few good things a mental health professional had said to me. I dropped out of school and actually started getting better for real. I sometimes forgot to take my medication, and every time I did, I instanty felt better. I suddenly didn't feel like a tired zombie anymore, I actually had emotions, I felt... alive. So I begged my psychiatrist to let me stop taking medications, and a few months after being released from the hospital, I was free of them.

And everything was great. I got a job, then I volunteered in New Zealand, then, when I was in a more stable place than at 17, I took up school again and graduated with flying colors. I was doing incredibly well.

And then I started university. The first semester went okay, but my mental health quickly started deteriorating. It was the academic pressure again. That's simply something I cannot handle. Soon I started self harming again, and it became more frequent than ever before. I also got into a bad, one might even say toxic, relationship. My girlfriend had issues on her own, but her behavior towards me was often extremely triggering and I very frequently self harmed because of something to do with our relationship. I do not want to blame her for my behavior, but she often made feel worthless, like I was not good enough for her. She would frequently cancel our dates at the last minute, and when she didn't, she would be half an hour late, and when we were together, she didn't make me feel very appreciated either. I was very much in love with her and always blamed myself for everything she did. She once even talked me into having sex with her, when I had said no repeatedly. She did not accept no for an answer and kept pushing until I slept with her to make her shut up. I felt like I didn't have a choice. She didn't force me to, but she simply did not accept my "no". Anyways, it was not her who took the knife to my skin, but she was a big factor in why I did it. I never told her she was a reason for my severe self harm, I didn't want her to feel bad. I didn't hide my wounds fro. her, I mean we did see each other naked and I always had at least four or five big bandages. We just kinda... ignored that.

So then I was getting desperate and decided to get professional help once again. I went to a free psychiatrist from the student councellors and she prescribed me Seroquel once again. I told her I didn't want to take it because it had made me gain a lot of weight and made me very tired. She laughed in my face and told me Seroquel doesn't do that. I don't know if she was just incompetent or lied to me on purpose, because these side effects are experienced by pretty much every single person who takes Seroquel, they are listed in the information leaflet, and I know many people who have taken this medication, all of them had them. During the appointment, she did not even ask me how I was feeling. She prescribed me 200 mg of Seroquel XR. Now, the recommended starting dosage is 50 mg. She prescribed me a starting dosage of four times the recommended amount. Unfortunately, I did not know that back then, I didn't expect a doctor to be that negligent. I took the first 200 mg pill that very evening before going to listen to a debate. Seroquel XR takes a while to kick in, but oh boy did it kick in. I didn't even notice the tiredness that much because I was having severe heart palpitations. My vision was going from normal to black and to normal again all the time. I was dizzy and desoriented and felt my heart was about to jump out of my chest, and sometimes it stopped beating for several seconds. I legit thought I might die in the audience of a debate on ethical farming.

Of course I didn't take the pills the next day and started looking for another psychiatrist. I got an appointment relatively quickly at a private one, it was relatively hopeless to get an appointment with one my insurance would pay, but I thought if she could help me, money wouldn't matter. She prescribed me some stuff that didn't do much harm but also didn't do much good. basically, i was a little tired but that was it. i got a therapist.

About 9 months passed, I had several psychiatrist appointments where I told her the meds didn't do much good, but she never really changed anything. She also insisted that I would get tested for Borderline personality disorder and the psychologist she told me to go to diagnosed me with it. My therapist at the time agreed with me that there was no way in hell that I have BPD, but she also said that when psychiatrists see an adult who self harms, BPD is the only thing that can explain that for them.

Then fall came and a new uni semester started. I had been alright over summer, I had broken up with my girlfriend, but of course with the start of the semester, everything came crashing down.

I lasted a month in university until i impulsively took the whole pack of Seroquel I still had laying around and went to the hospital telling them i was suicidal and also told them what i had done.

Now, I have to say that the nurses in this hospital were absolute angels. They treated my with respect, I almost felt mothered. I was given a lot of activated charcoal and basically had a good night in the hospital. I also got stitches for my freshest self harm injuries, but I had several ones that were too old to be treated that way.

The next morning I was transferred. Can you guess where to? The mental hospital i had been to as a teen. Again, I didn't have a choice.

But overall, the experience at the emergency ward was not as horrible as the first time. I was an adult now and actually treated like a human person. it says a lot about my first experience that I was very surprised by that.

I felt better rather quickly, mostly because the stress factory university was eliminated. The doctor there again insisted that I had BPD even when I said that was ridiculous. They evalued me again and the psychologist came to the conclusion that I had a borderline accentuation, basically borderline borderline.

The emergency ward doctor talked me into treatment at the psychotherapy ward, so I did that for 8 weeks. it was okay, again I was treated way better than as a teen. I was allowed to have an opinion about the medication, I was even allowed to read the little side effect pamphlets. But overall it didn't really do it, I self harmed less but I still self harmed.

During that stay I decided to drop out of university and start an apprenticeship as a baker. I found a company to work for, I loved work, then Corona happened. The company had to shut down. They laid me off after I had only worked there for three weeks. Basically I fell into a hole again, became a depressive husk again.

Then some time passes and a new therapist asked me why I didn't want to go to university anymore, she basically thought i was too intelligent not to. I told her how I could never focus, how I struggled with procrastination, how I couldn't handle the pressure and she recommended that I get assessed for ADHD. Now, I had suspended I had ADHD for years, but I didn't want to bring it up myself. I didn't want to seem like hypochondriac, or an attention whore, and after all, I had told so many people about my struggles and they never suspended ADHD. But I was relieved she brought it up and I had an "excuse" to get assessed. I was professionally diagnosed with ADHD soon after and happily went to my psychiatrist with my brand new diagnosis, I was full of hope that I would finally be "fixed". She basically told me she couldn't help me because she didn't know a lot about adhd. She prescribed me a very low dosage of Strattera (10 mg) and recommend me a specialist. I called the specialist, but they told me they couldn't give me an appointment and I should call in a few months, maybe it would be possible then.

It was july, and over the course of summer I decided I would try university again. Maybe if I was medicated for ADHD, I would actually be able to study. In fall of 2020, I started a brand new program, something very different from what I had done before.

I realized pretty quickly that the Strattera wasn't helping so I found a private ADHD specialist. I was extremely excited for the appointment. Again I thought "I only have to get through these few weeks, then I will finally get proper treatment" I didn't get proper treatment. He prescribed me more Strattera, which didn't help. The next appointment was a month after the first and again, I was excited. I was sure thia time he would fix me. I was sure after that appointment I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. But again, despite me saying I wanted to try something different, and that Strattera was not helping at all, he prescribed more Strattera.

Then university was getting really stressful, I had exams before Christmas, I was frustrated about him not listening to me. I started having suicidal thoughts again, I even relapsed with self harm, it had been months since the last time. But I more or less got through it in a piece, I even passed the exams (surprisingly), and was again looking forward to the next psychiatrist appointment after the Christmas vacation.

Strattera wasn't doing nothing, but it was not doing anything helpful. Basically, it made me feel quite relaxed, chill, less stressed. Which sounds good at first. But in order to get anything done, I rely on negative motivation. Basically, if I'm not panicking over possibly failing an exam, I'm just simply not going to study. So Strattera took the tiny bit of self-discipline and motivation that I had away and replaced it with a "idgaf"-attitude.Of course I told the psychiatrist. But can you guess what he did? Bingo, he upped the Strattera dosage. Again.

Then I had a second appointment with a new therapist, an ADHD specialist for adults. I told her how he did not care what I told him about Strattera and she was extremely upset and said that I can't let myself be treated like that. I needed to call him immediately and yell at him until he does something actually useful. I was baffled. I am not a confrontational person at all and I had never even considered actually arguing with a doctor. Yes I know, it sounds stupid in hindsight, but even after all that I had experienced, I still naively thought the professionals know best.

Okay so I called him. unsuccessful. I texted him. he ignored me. He had ignored my texts telling him that I was actually worse even before that last appointment, even though he told me to contact him with any concerns, and said that he prefered texts best, I thought he was maybe busy or something and didn't think much of it, but then he was ignoring my calls and texts. I was basically ghosted by a s

psychiatrist.

Okay I thought, then I'll simply go to someone else. To my suprise I got an appointment really quickly. I knew this wasn't a good sign, because good psychiatrists, if there even are any, don't have appointments free that soon.

But still, I had hope. And was of course disappointed again. I went to her with a professional ADHD diagnosis, but for her, that wasn't good enough. She had the audacity to tell me I needed another diagnosis from her psychologist friend who, by the way, has his office in a town over an hour away. She refused to treat me at all until I got that second diagnosis. Now,. I went to her out of pure desperation, out of knowing I simply could not go on like this any longer. Because I needed treatment quickly. And she told me she wouldn't give me that. I couldn't keep a few tears from escaping my eyea, she noticed and said very condescendingly "you don't have to cry, that's normal procedure". I tried my best to fight the tears, but as soon as I left her office, I started bawling my eyes out in the middle of town

And then I knew I was done. I had tried and tried again to get help, and I had not gotten it, I had not been listened to. Something in me snapped right in front of that office building.

I went home and threw my medication in the trash. Sure, it's bad to quit cold turkey like that, but honestly I don't care. I'm done. I'm done with psychiatry, I'm done with doctors. I have had the patience of a saint, but enough is enough. That was yesterday. And today I flipped a coin, twice, once for the psychiatrist and once for the new therapist. It told me to quit both of them, so I did.

I'm done with the mental health industrial complex. It has not helped me in all those years. I have only been sedated. Fuck psychiatry, fuck psychiatrists. Maybe I am simply meant to be miserable. I'll probably drop out of uni again, I thought I would be able to do it with treatment, but I did not get treatment, and I simply cannot do it this way. I've already attempted suicide because of academic pressure twice. Maybe I'll just have to live a miserable life working a low-paying job until I'm sad enough to finally actually kill myself. I'll probably always be a wreck, but at least I won't be a sedated wreck any longer. I'll be free, until I will be free for real.

Thank you for reading all this. I know it was a lot, but I needed to get it off my chest. Thank you.