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eggluverz · 1 year ago

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Dan Feng's disciple! Reader x Dan Heng IL Synopsis Idea: She tried to stop them from taking him away from her, she really did. But Jingliu and Jing Yuan were quick to stop her. She spent so many nights alone... Until she saw him. The man she loved and would give up her life for. She's not letting him slip away from her this time. Thank you~~❤️

AFTER ALL THIS TIME

PAIRING. dan feng x f!reader; dan heng x f!reader

WORD COUNT. 3,741

SUMMARY. you were the great imbibitor lunae's disciple. he trusted you with his life and you with his. but when the time came, you weren't able to save him. what happens when you run into his reincarnation years down the line?

SOF'S NOTE. i had so much fun writing this!! i wrote it 2 days ago now but i just haven't had the time to post it t-t but i'm finally moved into my new place and managed to squeeze this post in <3 i rly rly enjoyed writing this so i hope y'all enjoy reading!! and special ty to the anon who requested this!! ^-^

The art of cloudhymn magic was difficult to master. Even as a high elder yourself, there were intricacies you could not figure out on your own. But you trained daily, practiced in seclusion, and read all the books passed down from the most renowned masters.

Each day, your knowledge grew. Your natural talents aided you in perfecting your own personalized form of cloudhymn magic.

Still, Dan Feng noticed flaws in your execution. Movements that should be more precise, patterns that should flow more intricately. You noticed him silently watching you on the vast training grounds. He wasn’t much older than you, yet his magic was already intricately refined— The makings of a leader to the Vidyadharas.

He saw great power within you, he told you in passing as he took you under his wing. There was much you could gain from him, he promised.

Years went by as you studied under Dan Feng. He has many supporters and people who looked up to him, but he only allowed you as his disciple. You were the only one who could rightfully address him as master.

As he grew in his status as a member of the High Cloud Quintet and later the Imbibitor Lunae, you too grew in your mastery of cloudhymn magic. You were able to learn Dan Feng’s signature combat skill of deflecting iron, making arrows of most enemies fall flat at your feet. But your skill shined in the illusions you were able to create. Not even the Imbibitor Lunae was as skilled in that art as you.

Your power grew and as such, Dan Feng recognized you as more of an equal than a disciple. Out of respect for all the teachings he imparted on you, you still called him master. There was no way you would reach your level of strength in this short amount of time without someone like him fostering your talents.

Along the way, you found yourself viewing him as more than your master. When he began treating you as someone who matched his power rather than someone with much to learn, you were able to feel confident in all your abilities.

One late night, Dan Feng took you to his sacred training grounds for a sparring session. He had just returned from a stressful battle and while the casualties were low, they were more than he felt comfortable with.

“If anything happens to me, at least I will know the Vidyadhara will be in good hands,” Dan Feng commended as you blocked the tip of his spear from grazing the base of your neck.

You quickly shifted your gears from defending to attacking, knowing if you let Dan Feng get too many attacks in, he would be almost unstoppable. Spinning your spear in your hands, you imbued the weapon with water and launched it directly at your master’s chest.

A normal man would have fallen dead before even realizing you attacked him, but not the Imbibitor Lunae. He sidestepped, the scene appearing like a mirage due to his speed.

“Nothing is going to happen to you, master,” you scoffed. “You’re the strongest Vidyadhara alive. Not even I could defeat you in battle.”

He hummed, tapping his spear to the back of your neck, signaling you lost this spar. “Battle is not the only way someone can fall.”

Wiping a bead of sweat off your forehead, you sighed, sauntering away from him and back inside his living quarters. “Continuously speaking of your self-proclaimed inevitable downfall is unbecoming of you, master. What would the people think of a disciple who follows someone without faith in his own ability to live?”

Dan Feng chuckled softly. “A pitiful disciple, is what outsiders would say.” You nodded and he stopped you in your tracks, running his index finger against your jaw. His fingernail dug into the bottom of your chin to lift your head until your burning gaze met his sharp one. “But we never cared much about what outsiders think, did we?”

You placed your palm against his chest, feeling the detailed fabric of his garments. They were thick yet light, a sign of great craftsmanship that only the highest of elders could afford. You allowed your hands to roam along his body before Dan Feng grabbed your wrist, his long fingers wrapping easily around its circumference.

He smirked. “Wait until we’re indoors, my beloved.”

“Yes, master,” you complied with a roll of your eyes before releasing the front of his outwear. You held complete respect for the Imbibitor Lunae, and you revered him as such. But those moments when it was just you and Dan Feng—just you and your partner—you weren’t one to shy away from meeting his biting remarks.

This night, like many, led to moments of passion on the silken sheets draped over Dan Feng’s mattress. It was a mixture of love, respect, and the intense craving for more.

Your master, the Imbibitor Lunae, a member of the High Cloud Quintet— Dan Feng was many things. But most importantly, he was yours.

Until he wasn’t.

No good thing was meant to last, Dan Feng once said during an endless night of reflection as he laid in bed beside you. Friendships, relationships, entire civilizations, built to be destroyed from the start.

No good thing was meant to last. But he would fight his damned hardest to ensure they did.

And for once, his hardest wasn’t enough.

It was the middle of the night when your living quarters were barged into. You woke with a start and noticed Dan Feng quickly wrapping your robes around your naked body.

The noises weren’t at the bedroom yet; you heard the thuds from outside and you immediately called for your strongest weapon. Noticing even the slightest of your movements, Dan Feng softly placed his hand on top of yours. Almost imperceptibly, he shook his head.

Your eyes widened, wanting to ask what he could’ve possibly been thinking. There was a large group of men outside with hostile intent, did he not want to protect himself from an attack?

“I am going to see what they need,” he said calmly, pulling you into his arms and leaving a kiss on your forehead. “Please, stay here for me.”

A few members of the High Cloud Quintet—Dan Feng’s closest friends that easily became yours as well—were staying at the guest chambers at the Imbibitor Lunae’s invitation. At the commotion outside, Jingliu came in with a groggy look on her face, tired from being woken up, but not an ounce of surprise in her.

Dan Feng nodded to her and a silent Jing Yuan that filed in behind her. “Jingliu, Jing Yuan… Make sure she stays out of harm’s way.”

“Of course,” promised Jing Yuan, a soft smile painting his lips despite the sad look in his eyes.

As he spoke, the doors to the bedroom burst open, a trio of Vidyadhara Preceptors breaking down the defenses you and Dan Feng had set. Your spear was in your hand in an instant and you tightened the knot on your robe with your other hand.

Dan Feng stood straight in high alert, though his expression remained as one of nonchalance and arrogance. “Can I help you?”

Without a single moment spared for niceties, the Cloud Knights charged in to grab the Imbibitor Lunae. The Preceptors sent chains of rope instead of metal to wrap around Dan Feng. Your eyes blazed as you immediately called upon your cloudhymn magic. Water danced around your spear in sharp droplets, and you pointed it directly at the Head Preceptor.

He narrowed his eyes in your direction. “Stand down, or you will face the same punishment.”

“That’s only if you can beat us,” you laughed with disdain. Despite the big group, you were certain you and Den Feng had the ability to hold them off together.

“Don’t,” Jingliu called out, gently placing her hand on your shoulder. “We can’t help him anymore, Y/N. Not after what he did. Don’t get hurt in the crossfire.”

You knew what Dan Feng had done. For Yingxing. And you both knew the crime he would have to commit to help his best friend, but you never imagined the punishment would be so severe. A crowd of Cloud Knights and even a group of the Vidyadhara Preceptors here, together, all to subdue the Imbibitor Lunae.

But it didn’t matter the crimes he committed or the consequences he may have incited through his actions. None of it mattered because he was your Dan Feng. Your master and your lover who you would protect with your entire life.

Unfortunately, Dan Feng seemed to know that, having gotten Jingliu and Jing Yuan here to hold you back.

Before you could move, Jing Yuan held your arm back and prevented you from using your spear. Your eyes widened in shock.

“Jing Yuan…?”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. It’s too late for Dan Feng, but not for you.”

The Cloud Guards briefly turned their attention towards you and the members of the High Cloud Quintet. Their swords raised as they noticed the fire in your eyes.

Dan Feng snarled when he saw their focus on you. “If you hurt her, you will all pay,” he warned, his voice a low growl that would’ve made an ordinary man quiver. He began to move his arms in a way that could only be described as the start of a cloudhymn spell and in an instant, all eyes were on him. The ropes tightened, restricting his movement in a way that caused immense pain.

“I love you,” were Dan Feng’s last words as he was forced out of his own estate. “Take care of yourself, my beloved.”

“Why do you speak as if you’re going to be gone?” you cried, refusing to believe someone as strong as your master could be subdued even by a group as large as this. “I’ll come get you—!”

You felt the sharp point of a sword on your neck as you summoned your spear. The nick was only a warning, but it was enough to draw blood. Your eyes widened and you stilled under the mercy of Jingliu’s weapon.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “You cannot.”

Feeling helpless and pathetic, all you could do was fight to not lose consciousness as Jingliu swiftly knocked you out.

Your eyes drifted open and shut, your hand that was wrapped around your spear instantly loosened and the weapon that contained so much power fell at your side like a dull needle.

The next time you woke, you were at your own residence. You had left this place to have a sanctuary with Dan Feng. Your sanctuary that was invaded, attacked, and taken from you.

You went back on forth between two states of mind. One was complete and utter numbness at the loss you suffered. The other was uncontrollable pain and sadness.

You spent your days and nights crying, refusing to see a single soul. You turned your meals away even when your loved ones begged you to take a bite. There was a hole in your heart at the thought of your master’s punishment.

In your eyes, Dan Feng’s own best friends betrayed him, betrayed you. And after that night, you knew you would never want to be in contact with any of them again.

To save a life, to save a friend who no longer regarded Dan Feng in the same light… You never could have imagined the punishment would be forced reincarnation.

Uncontrollable sobs racked through your body, throat hoarse from the amount of crying you’ve done for weeks straight. It wasn’t only forced reincarnation, but also torture and imprisonment you knew he was facing.

You had the strongest Vidyadhara alive as a master, yet you failed to learn enough to save him. When it mattered most, you couldn’t help.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. Those thoughts ate you alive before you were able to finally continue on with your life.

You were no longer a Xianzhou resident. You refused the help the Vidyadhara with any advances in medicine and combat, keeping any profound knowledge of cloudhymn magic that Dan Feng shared only with you to yourself. The Preceptors couldn’t be trusted with anymore power. They had made themselves and enemy to you. As did the Cloud Knights, and inadvertently, the Cloud Knight General himself.

Still, you tried not to let the hatred consume you. Vengeance would only breed insanity. Your mind would be consumed with sorrow and pain and you would never be able to heal.

Dan Feng wouldn’t want that.

You had to continue to live, for the both of you.

Using your privilege as a Vidyadhara, you were able to travel around to different planets with relative ease. There were so many things to experience, such beautiful things to see—when you weren’t tangled in constant politics and battles. Your only wish was that Dan Feng was here to explore the universe with you.

There were places where he didn’t need to have the pressure of the world on his shoulders. He wouldn’t be Imbibitor Lunae. He wouldn’t be a member of the famous High Cloud Quintet. Instead, he would just be Dan Feng, and you would get to explore the world as such.

You wondered if his transition into the modern world would have been as smooth as yours. As you reminisced about your past, a nostalgic smile formed on your face.

As you walked around this new city, you stared up at the flurries of pink and purple in the sky. The scenery was amazing here. With vast bodies of water and a bustling area of commerce and entertainment on the shorelines, you couldn’t help but look around in awe. Amidst your sightseeing, you felt yourself run into someone, dropping the map you held in your hands.

“Oh!” you gasped in surprise. “I wasn’t looking at where I was going. I apologize.”

“I wasn’t looking either,” the stranger said in response, picking the paper map up for you before the wind could sweep it away. “Here you go.”

As he handed you your belongings, you finally managed to get a good look at his face. Surprised by what you saw—what you felt—you accidentally dropped the map once more.

The man gaped at you before hesitantly reaching down to pick up your map once more. This time, he held it instead of giving it back.

“Would you like your map back?” he asked slowly, this expression unsure.

The memories of the past slammed into you as you looked into his turquoise eyes. The bright green burned into yours. This man in front of you did not have the characteristics of a Vidyadhara. He did not don horns, a tail, or sharp ears like he once did. But there was no doubt in your mind— This was Dan Feng. At least, the person that emerged from Dan Feng’s forced reincarnation.

Tears started flowing down your face as you wondered what to say. Should you even say anything? You didn’t want to lose him again, but you wondered if the man in front of you would even want to get to know you. Dan Feng was a high elder, a powerful one at that. This man must’ve had some dreams about his past life— What if they were bad? What if they were all of the punishment? The crime? What if no part of him remembered you?

As you stood there, stuck in your thoughts, you noticed the stranger staring at the horns on top of your head. Then, at your tears.

Without saying a word, he seemed to understand. “I’m not him.”

Your breath caught in your throat and you felt choked up. You knew that. Of course a reincarnation wouldn’t be your Dan Feng. But would it be close enough?

Shaking your head, you scolded yourself internally. This man is not Dan Feng, he said so himself. And it would be twisted to project the qualities of your lover onto him without even getting the chance to know him.

“I know,” you said sadly, a disdainful smile on your face. “I just…sensed some of him in you.”

He nodded, a guarded look on his face despite the tilt of curiosity from his neck.“What were you to him?”

You smiled sadly, clutching the map in your hands and relaxing again. “His disciple. A close friend,” you said. You gazed into his eyes with an unwavering look. “His partner.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

He hesitated for a moment, looking around the area. You were at the beachside with patches of sand, grass, and pavement lining the ground. “Would you like to sit somewhere and talk?”

Deciding it would be rather tiring for you to stand and talk all day, you agreed with his suggestion. Silently, you walked over to the sand with Dan Feng’s reincarnation in tow and took a seat. The ground was warm and soft as you ran your fingers through the rocky granules.

As you watched the waves crash against the shore, you felt your body relax. Cloudhymn magic often well with the element, and you found you had a natural affinity towards it yourself.

After a few moments passed, you figured that, since he wasn’t Dan Feng, it would be rather rude of you not to introduce yourself. “I’m Y/N, by the way.”

He gazed out into the water before turning his head to you. “Dan Heng.”

Although you attempted to hide your amused grin, you felt the corners of your mouth lifting upwards. “Creative.”

He shrugged, fighting off a smile of his own.

“So, Dan Heng… Do you remember anything about your past life?”

“Some things,” he admitted, resting a palm on the sand behind his back. “None of them are good.”

You frowned. There was no doubt you blamed the Preceptors for that. Dan Feng lived years and years of life, love, and even sorrow. But for his reincarnation to only know him as something negative? That didn’t sit well with you.

“Although, I have to wonder,” he continued, gazing at you with an inquisitive look in his eyes, “if he was capable of love and partnership, could he be more than the arrogant criminal my memories have painted him out to be?”

You softened. Any hatred he felt towards Dan Feng wasn’t his fault. And he was certainly struggling as Dan Feng’s reincarnation.

“He was certainly more than a criminal,” you promised. “More than the Imbibitor Lunae, even. Dan Feng was a real person who experiences emotions and feelings, like any other.”

Dan Heng’s brows furrowed, but he said nothing.

“If you want to learn more about him, I’ll always be here for you to ask.”

“And if I don’t?”

You smiled sadly. “As much as that pains me, it’s your right. Each Vidyadhara can choose how much of their past they want to remember or embrace— Or if they want to start anew completely.”

“I do.”

A long exhale escaped your mouth as thoughts of your past filled your memories. You made no mistake— The man in front of you was not Dan Feng. Dan Feng was deceased, and holding on to any hope would only be futile and lead to more main.

Instead, the man in front of you was Dan Heng, a reincarnation of Dan Feng. A Vidyadhara who deliberately chose to not incorporate his past life into his current. And that was okay.

“I am remorseful,” you admitted. Dan Heng nodded in understanding. “However, I am comforted knowing his reincarnation is here, and he looks happy. Dan Feng would be happy for you.”

He laughed quietly. “I find that hard to believe.”

You gave him a look. “You don’t know him like I do.”

“Yes, you’re right.”

Dan Heng sighed in contemplation, conflict evident in his expression. You weren’t sure what exactly what he was thinking, but you sensed deep turmoil within him. It was only natural, you assumed, after something he had such conviction for was shaken at its very foundation.

“Do you want to board the Astral Express with me?” he asked hesitantly.

You blinked at the sudden question. “Pardon?”

“Sorry,” said Dan Heng, clearing his throat. “That was impulsive.” He paused before continuing. “From talking to you, I gathered that maybe you’re being held back by your past, too.”

Your eyes widened in surprised. You didn’t except him to be so blunt. Perhaps he had some similarities to Dan Feng after all.

“If you’re lost or want a place to call home, maybe you can pay it a visit,” he offered nonchalantly. “We travel the universe and occasionally assist some planets. I have a feeling you’d like it.”

The Astral Express? You wondered how a place like that would be. For so long, you’ve been traveling alone, avoiding the Xianzhou and even some Vidyadhara who might know of your existence as Dan Feng’s disciple and lover.

A part of you longed for a social connection again— A place to belong.

After some thinking, you asked, “Do you want me there?”

“Yes— As Dan Heng though,” he reminded firmly. “Not Dan Feng.”

You laughed in amusement. “Good. I’m interested in getting to know your new life, Dan Heng,” you said, extending your hand out for him to shake. “Thank you for inviting me in.”

He took it gently, his hand lingering on yours even after the handshake was over. “Maybe you can tell me more about Dan Feng once we arrive at the Express. The parts that aren’t so bad.”

The look on his face told you he was genuine. You smiled. “I’d love that.”

Understanding passed between the two of you as you sat there in contentment. The wind whirled around you and the steady sound of the waves soothed your soul.

“I want to learn about Dan Feng’s life,” concluded Dan Heng, unwavering. “Still, I think it is best if we look forward to making new memories of our own more.”

You nodded in quiet agreement, eyes never leaving his.

The past was something you held near and dear to your heart. Dan Feng was someone you would always love and respect. But perhaps the future would have more in store for you, if you only allowed it.

And as Dan Heng smiled his small smile and offered you a hand up from the sand, you thought, This time, you would.

#dan feng x reader #hsr x reader #dan heng x reader #dan heng il x reader #imbibitor lunae #dan feng #dan heng #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr imagines #hsr fanfiction #hsr x y/n #hsr x you #imbibitor lunae x reader

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meruz · 11 months ago

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hi im putting all my asks in one post again. these are from like the past month and a half approx? some digimon thoughts some tmnt thoughts some art musings u know the usual

@waywardistics YAYY thank you so much for ordering! I'm glad it got to you & that you are enjoying it!

this is kind of a missive to everyone who ordered but: I am very nervous about pre-orders whenever I do them... nervous that not very many people will order, nervous that there will be supply chain or production dilemmas and I won't be able to get copies out to people in a timely fashion, nervous about having people's money but having an indeterminate amt of time where i have not yet "held up my part of the bargain" etc etc SO. THANK U GUYS...FOR ORDERING and being patient and im so glad it got to y'all

@seanonthemoon (idk why i cant tag u BUT) interesting... i gotta be honest I don't think abt the crests that much. i agree that they're very much like heres the "girl" crest heres the "nerd boy" crest etc to the point that it becomes almost meaningless. but i think what makes them even more meaningless to me, and is probably the reason they kind of designated girl/boy crests etc is that i think like the digivices they're toys and merchandise more than they are actual narrative tools LOL. I wouldve loved something with cody and mimi! theyre both so deeply empathetic and sensitive.. theres a lot they share but i think because they look so different on the surface it would make it difficult to market that merch...booo capitalism boooo toy marketing its all sexist bullshit at least here in the u.s. idk if japan is that different though.

I'm actually a little frustrated with how often 02 and 02 related media squanders cody in general lol. he feels like a parallel of izzy, joe, and TK(season 1 tk) while also being kind of none of those and suffering through lackluster characterization as a result... and then once ken joins the team it feels a little redundant. there's a couple cody-centric eps of 02 I remember really liking but then i think abt how he's been used since in like post-series content and 02:the beginning where they made him type on the computer even though obviously that's yoleis thing but because he had nothing else to do and aghh... my blood boils. i feel like the youngest but most serious anime achetype even at its bare bones is actually rly interesting idk why they don't play it up. UM. Once again my opinion is that he should be taller LOL and maybe they should play up his kendo martial arts honorable training stuff more idk. tallest + youngest + most serious just seems like a recipe for success for me. well. theres still time. and theres always fanfic.

THIS IS SO NICE TO SAY and not the first time someone has said it but i appreciate it everytime because i really admire the mm art style so much. It's like part of why I got really into the movie because I really recognized my own artistic sensibilities and aspirations in the way they stylized everything.

UM And i feel like since watching the movie and looking at all the concept art and making my own art i do feel like its only become more obvious how much my own art is lacking LOL LIKE when you see something that feels so similar I think the differences only become more stark. those artists are definitely on a different level than me. But it's nice to hear people say it doesn't look so different from their pov. thank u ^^

thank u!!!!!!! i love mundanity and naturalism... there's something so beautiful abt it to me lol... I feel like my anatomy needs work actually but ive been feeling better abt it this year so it's good to hear! thank you!

DLKGDSGDLALSNDF WAS IT TOO FAR..?? firstly, yeah I was thinking late teen/young adult ages for both of them ie 18-19ish, definitely not the age the kids are in the movie lol.

but also they arent DOING anything in that pic it is literally just a confrontation + some innuendo... I think teens should be allowed some less than subtle innuendo.. its like one of the top 3 classically teen pastimes...

this is such a funny ask to get because i feel like i haven't been able to do thin lineart until like. this past year or two maybe LOL. UM having a line-centric art job helped I think. I started on craig of the creek back in 2022 and thats a show where we spend a lot of time inking so I had a job where I was constantly moderating my line weight 40 hours a week every week for over a year. disappointingly, much of improvement is simply horrendous amounts of practice.

Here's a tip though: I think a lot of thin lineart boils down to confidence. I think instinctively we read thick, bold, fast lines as confident but theres actually a lot of obscuring you can do with a thick line. if you're not sure whether the nose on the face or a browline should be a little more left or a little more down you can hide that with a thick line and pretend its a shadow. or hide it with a bunch of quick lines and the eye can kind of approximate where looks best among the mass.. whereas a thin line is rly singular and stark and hides nothing, it needs to be precise. so anytime i know i want thin lineart i spend a LOT of time sketching, making sure i know exactly where i want my lines to go. so im not second guessing by the time im inking...

ok thats kind of a broad tip lol... here's one thats more applicable: IF POSSIBLE, lower your pressure sensitivity on your device. most devices have some way to edit your pressure sensitivity curve. I use a surface pro at home and this is what my pressure curve looks like most of the time.

When I work on a wacom it looks even more like a reverse L shape LOL. I'm naturally a really heavy-handed artist and I use a "light" or "hard" pressure curve to compensate for how hard I'm always pressing on the pen lol. if you're like me and you struggle with going too hard with the ink too fast... this will probably help a lot!

SFHASLDFH I LOVE THIS ASK this is like the type of question a person gets asked when chalk drawing on the sidewalk at recess LOL. but i understand because I've been struggling also for like. months. I think I'm finally starting to nail it down though so here's some of my observations.

[feel free to save this img but **please do not re-post it or share broadly**. my biggest fear in the world is to spend 30 min on some notes and become a widely proliferated art tutorial im not even kidding. i made it low contrast and difficult to read on purpose.]

my other tip is to just look at and study a lot of reference because that's all ive been doing. the tmnt are really cartoony so its difficult to use like actual anatomical reference unless ur going for that look BUT theres been so many adaptions in so many different styles that there's a real treasure trove of stuff to look at for how to simplify, stylize, and dissect these characters while keeping the recognizable essence. so theres lots to pull from.

If you want to expand further, it's also good to have 5) something sci-fi 6)something fantasy 7)something mundane/slice of life. a bedroom is a really good go-to. And of course some bgs can be two or more of these things at once.

I've definitely answered asks abt bg tips before but here's one specifically for if you want to do bg design for a job:

Your portfolio should probably have at least one of each of the following 1) an interior 2) an exterior 3) a cityscape 4) a nature scene. Just to cover kind of the basics of what you'd be asked to draw on any given project.

I actually feel like I don't have that many cityscrapes in my portfolio... this is something I'm gonna try to work on in the coming year LOL. OH ALSO. This is a very basic tip and people will tell you it all the time but its worth repeating: look up portfolio websites of artists who have the job you want. An easy way to do this is to go onto imdb for any cartoon or movie you like and to find the names listed as "bg/background designer" or whatever then just google that name +"art" or "animation" most artists have some public facing internet presence so it's not hard. spend time studying their work and hold those images in your head! it's a good way to get a good idea of what "industry standard" looks like and comparing ur own art to it... I know people sometimes get bummed comparing their art to others but if you can keep your head up lol.. it'll help you figure out what you need to work on!

ok thats all i have to say sorry for typing so much. happy new year everybody who read this far LMAO!!!!!

#ask

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naumin · 9 months ago

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on creative daydreaming

are u daydreaming lately? about what?

daydreaming about my stories and characters used to be a big part of my creative process, but for a while ive felt pretty disconnected from them. i wonder if its because i dont have school deadlines or a job where i stare out of the window commuting or idling rn. when i do have time when my mind wanders, i find myself thinking a lot about my life, what i want it to look like, disappointments ive had, achievements ive made. it does feel like my imaginary friends arent picking up the phone. maybe im a normie now?

ppl i talk to talk about being bored or being stressed to shit as conditions that spur creativity. theres a big emphasis on playing dolls as escapism. i have a lot of stress in my life, like anybody else, but somehow playing dolls doesnt rly seem to hold the magic it usually does. im very used to using stories to explore difficult or negative emotions ive experienced, but somethings not quite connecting now. i also know u cant rly draw or make art when ur sick or lacking some needs, its a delicate balance, so maybe im too sick and needy rn.

i still draw and i enjoy it, its the imaginary friends that i miss. i try not to chase down inspiration, i try to play coy and let it come to me when it wants. i read a lot of things and watch a lot of things, though its getting to the point in the calender that im starting to be like, hello, when will it come back?! i miss that fun and that natural unhindered exploration.

i should also mention that huran enki is turning 6 this year, and all projects hit a wall eventually. i find myself interested in new themes, characters, and settings, though making progress w them feels glacial. maybe im comparing a project in its infancy to a project thats walking and talking and its not fair.

anyway, i havent lost hope yet, and if u have or havent i wanna hear about it.

#diary

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aristotels · 10 months ago

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Thinking about art and fiction and concepts of ownership and honestly it's kinda fucked that collaborative and transformative storytelling is literally as old as time and one of the most basic human instincts that exists, but the only good word it we have right now is "fanfiction"

and when you tell people you write fanfiction they think you're some kind of cringe weirdo and possibly pervert and then the whole thing gets derailed by this bizarre side discussion into how "No it's not all porn, it's absolutely everything and anything imaginable, duh, but like, even if it were all porn, that would also be okay". Like I'm all for pointing out the double standards about how published authors who put sex into their stories don't lose any respectability (especially if they're men, and especially if the sex is cishet), but the second I, a fanfiction person, add a romantic arc into my plotty casefic suddenly I'm a fujoshi with shipper brainrot etc etc-

But it's tiring that this is even a focal point

My favourite funny and sad thing is watching people (usually dudes) who clearly either view themselves as above fanfiction or have simply never ever thought of themselves as "the type" to do creative writing discover The Fanfiction Urge, because the way they express it is like. An increasingly passionate and detailed video essay about how Movie should have gone instead, or, my favourite, a story about something cool that happened to them in XCOM or Darkest Dungeon or some other Difficult Game For Serious Gamers and by the end of the post they're legitimately just writing prose. Like look at this! LOOK! Damn if this person didn't speedrun the gamerbro-to-AO3 pipeline just for a sec. And not that there's anything wrong with those formats but it makes you wonder if that's something they'd be interested in exploring more if their wings got unclipped

Or DnD. Small wonder that TTRPGs are becoming so popular when they're one of the few increasingly non-cringe ways to do the extremely basic human urge of Tell Story Collaboratively

A friend of mine had this to say recently about his own struggles with this kind of internal bias:

i'd like to try out Thousand-Year-Old Vampire (a solo role-playing game with minimal rules to make you write your own narrative) and my toxic masculinity is getting in the way. discouraging thoughts include: i'm not creative enough; creative writing is for Floofy Humanities types and i am a Cold STEM type; it's not a real game unless it has Systems that you can Study and Master. would anyone like to say something encouraging?

and honestly that's incredibly illuminating innit isn't it. The splitting off of creative activity (not just fanfiction, either) into something only for Floofy Humanities Types but not Serious People and the way it's linked to whether or not you can make money off it... oof.

This became a long post thank you for your patience

ngl i just dont rly care that much for fandoms... i like fanfic, i read it and write it, but i dont rly see fandom as my identity or smth i particularly care about, to me all of it is just the same as me playing with barbie dolls.

i dont think its something special that can be compared to actual literature and i think there are certain problems w booktok people relying on tropes that come from fanfic mentality. its just not the same, and i do wish people who like fanfic would sometimes also read.......some actual books sometimes

i just generally dont see what youre describing as some huge thing or problem, i think anti-kink ppl doxxing artists is the major worrisome thing when it comes to fandoms, but i think the doxxers also take the whole fandom experience too seriously

and i say this as someone who also writes fanfic, so like, it rly isnt me going "fanfic authors/readers are stupid", i find fanfic super cool to explore yourself, fanart taught me sooo much as an artist, i even enjoy roleplaying; all of this serves a very real purpose of exploring things as a human in realms of fiction, and pre-existing characters make that easier. i think that can be very useful, we learn about ourselves through books and stories. i just think fandom should be treated the way it is - playtime with toys ✌️

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arvoze · 1 year ago

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hiiii can i just say i really really like ur characters and art and seeing it makes me so happy sorry if im coming off as weird or somethin

also who is ur favorite oc that you've made? or ocs if u have more than one u really like

i hope it's ok to respond to this publicly since u asked a q :-] thank u! i don't think it comes off as weird at all haha. i'm very used to it actually! (strangely? it just happens to me often for some reason)

my fav oc i've made for pmd specifically... varies. design-wise, i really like what i did with calamity (lombre), butcher (spidops), and violet (armarouge). i kinda like em all for different reasons, violet was a slight step out of my comfort zone haha. i actually like a lot of my pmd designs tbh. my number one fav oc ever would technically just be me! because that's me, and i like lookin like that. i rly like the design for my kerosona too bc he's kind of just a silly little guy.

for pmd specific favourites overall, my very silly unfortunate obvious answers are luwel (nuzleaf), keith (cacturne) and mike (breloom). even if they're pretty much just Guys With Clothes, they're very special to me, the last two specifically -- keith was my starter pokemon in a nuzlocke randomiser from ~2016-17 (not entirely sure) and i grew pretty attached to him. mike was the name of a competitive-ready breloom i was given during the gen 4 era, given to me by an old friend when i was maybe about 12 years old give or take (not entirely sure on the exact date, but pre-gen 5).

there's not anything overtly special about the two of them on the outside, but they're both just very important characters/pieces of my pokemon history personally. it's a little bit of being able to look back at two different eras of my interest in pokemon from when i was growing up, & being able to bring them "back" just has a Nice Feeling To It. i enjoy a lot of my ocs overall, i'm not really in the same boat as many other people who go "all of my ocs have a little bit of me in them" -- most of mine don't. i just make guys for fun, and sometimes i keep em and make stories with them. they're not all representative of me in some way, shape or form. some of them are! but most of them aren't. i just like messin around with funny guys. it's very difficult to give actual specific favourites haha

#i really do just enjoy a lot of my characters. i like thinkin about them

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duplecsbow · 1 year ago

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A thing that sort of weighs on me that I haven’t rly had anywhere to talk to myself about it too is just howwww it’s sort of a lonely feeling to have just a few specific arte pieces rly “blow up”…

I never know how to say it without thinking it comes across as ungrateful…

Like on one hand I rly enjoy it that people rly like those but it’s also disheartening cos it.. doesn’t really lead to people checking out the rest of my work? I have gained a few followers for my overall work and I love that but I guess it’s like if u had a hit song and a huge discography but everyone ignored the discography in favor of that one radio single lol idk

I think tumblr and social media in general makes it difficult to really fully indulge in someone’s work anyway.. it’s not like a proper gallery. It’s tags and people searching for very specific things. Or algorithms…. I mean even just while I been on here scrolling the for you page, I like One Thing tagged as something and then I refresh and the algo makes the for you page NOTHING BUT THAT.

It’s just been sad and hard for the last 10 years tbh… I really miss deviantart. I miss having a proper gallery with everything there to be seen easier. I miss having a favorites tab where all the stuff I like goes separate.

I miss being able to dive in to people’s galleries and get fully invested in their arte and their characters.. their stories. Their friend’s characters. Seeing ppl ship stuff with each other. It was such a different time and it breaks my soul and my heart it’s fucking over.

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angeltrapz · 3 years ago

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saw ur post 4 saw asks n im here to deliver!! (also fully gonna answer the one u sent me i just had a busy night 💚) — hmmm would personally love to hear more abt the Matthews-Faulkner-Stanheight-Blank family dynamic? esp maybe Daniel + Art, but rlly just anything u wanna talk abt there! maybe if they have any sorta family traditions, what holidays look like for them, that sorta deal

shfajs tysm!!!! (also tht's totally okay, take yr time!!!)

also oooo I love this question okay. so like u mentioned this when I asked abt what Eric n Daniel's relationship would b like post-trap, but I think it's very very good fr Daniel 2 like. see tht Eric has ppl who love him n who don't mind helping him when he needs it n who are THERE fr him bc again, like you've mentioned, seeing a parent so utterly shattered th way Eric was after his trap is incredibly difficult, esp for a kid (though Daniel is like. at least seventeen? still). knowing tht his dad has a good support system n is surrounded by ppl tht care abt him helps put him at ease bc he knows he can trust Adam n Art. he knows they'll keep Eric safe n tht they'll help him to heal, tht they love him n want 2 see him do well n get better. plus, Daniel knows tht if he needs to talk 2 some1 abt how difficult seeing his dad like tht is, he knows both Adam n Art r there fr him and tht helps a lot. of course, he also has Rigg + maybe Hoffman (until th whole. u know.), but they don't live w Eric. they don't see him every day th way Art n Adam do. that's not 2 say they don't know Eric is struggling, but there is a difference btwn them n Eric's boyfriends. basically, Daniel is very much grateful fr Art + Adam.

I feel like Art wld be VERY good at lending an ear fr when Daniel needs 2 talk. whether that be abt their trap + tht whole experience, Eric's trap n the consequences/rough aftermath, just plain venting, etc.; Art is there 2 listen to them + offer a solution if they want one. most times I think Daniel just wants to b listened to, esp when it comes to what they went thru in the Nerve Gas House - tht's smth they don't feel comfortable discussing w Eric right away fr obvious reasons, but therapy can only do so much. I think th two of them have more in common than they might realize at first, bc hey, Art Killed A Man Because Trevor Was Going To Kill Him If He Didn't, and Daniel Killed A Man Because Xavier Would Have Killed Both Them And Amanda If They Didn't. I feel like Art is like. very reserved abt th details of his first trap + how they affected him (and th second one tbh; it's not smth he vocalizes often at all), but fr Daniel he wld gladly talk abt it if it meant Daniel didn't feel alone. if it meant it could help them, reassure them that hey, it wasn't yr fault, u did what u had to, n I know tht can be hard 2 believe right now n that's okay. u need to process things at yr own pace.

and so Art tells them abt the Mausoleum, bares a part of himself he keeps locked away where he doesn't often give it much thought/actively ignores it. n I think tht's healing fr him too, maybe. there's solace in tht shared experience, as horrible as it was in th moment. 2 know there's someone out there who has even th faintest inkling of what u went thru + what u had to do to survive. of course Daniel relates 2 Adam fr this reason too, but like. Art will use his Lawyer Voice n make sure Daniel understands tht what they did doesn't make them a bad person or confirm tht Jigsaw Was Right And They Deserved It. n tht's rly important fr Daniel 2 hear, esp early on. it's honestly one of th first times Art is truly honest abt his feelings on th matter + the Mausoleum, n it's just. a step tht much closer to healing for both of them.

family traditions!!! they do have a few! in the summer, every sunday they have Daniel w them, Eric Art n Adam go out fr ice cream, even if they get it at the drive thru n eat it in th car bc none of them want 2 be around all th people/sit outside in th muggy weather. it's a good way to get them all out of th house fr a little while, something enjoyable tht doesn't require too much energy or even interaction. it's just smth nice they can do where they're all together n chilling n just enjoying each other's company!

this is mostly a Daniel one but every year around April Fools he just. puts fucking googly eyes on everything. n every time some1 discovers some, it doesn't matter where in th house he is, u can hear him cackle abt it. Adam thinks it's an absolute delight n has assisted on multiple occasions. tht's abt as far as pranks go fr them, bc none of them like surprises like that, but god is it ever hilarious 2 hear Eric frm the kitchen while Art Adam n Daniel r in the living room when he says "I found another one!" while he's looking fr smth in the fridge kjdkfsf.

holidays!! every Christmas they all sit down in th living room n watch a couple of movies w the blankets spread out on th floor w snacks n hot chocolate. the first Christmas following his trap, Eric was sat on th couch between Adam n Art while Daniel chose to sprawl out on th floor, n he just looked around at his boyfriends n his son n the fake pine tree they had all decorated together n he like. needs to take a moment bc this is it. this is all he cld ever want out of life right here. this is a level of peace Eric never knew he wld ever be able to reach after what he went thru fr those six months. n he just sort of presses his face into Art's shoulder n breathes thru it. he doesn't even have to say anything fr Adam n Art to know what he's thinking bc Adam's hand is on his arm n Art's resting his cheek against th top of his head, n he might cry a little, but he's happy. surrounded by th ppl he loves n who love him, love him enough to keep the lights down low n the volume on th television soft, to use subtitles so he doesn't get overwhelmed, Eric realizes he has a home n it's just. oof.

fr Valentine's Day, this one was actually Adam's idea initially: wht they do is take sticky notes n write little affirmations on thm fr each other, n stick thm in places where they'll see it. sometimes Daniel joins in on this one, but usually it's an Art Eric Adam thing. so like it'll be little things, like a note frm Adam telling Eric how proud he is of him, or one from Art letting Adam know he couldn't have had a better best friend, or th one from Eric that thanks th both of thm fr helping him w his rashes + helping him 2 accept tht part of him n start to see it as nothing to be ashamed of. it starts on th first day of February and ends on Valentine's Day itself, n sometimes they get those packs of cards u get fr kids just to write goofy shit on thm to pass back n forth n make each other laugh. they also get th discounted candy!! (Adam steals all th twix bars tho. tht's okay bc Eric likes snickers anyway n Art is fond of reese's peanut butter cups. they share th sweet tarts + conversation hearts!)

Halloween is when they get a big bowl of candy 2 leave on th porch fr the kids who're trick-or-treating while th three of them stay inside (+Daniel sometimes!) n watch some classics, like their Christmas tradition. they Also add in some bad movies 2 mix it up a lil bit bc sometimes u just need a laugh. I am like in Lov w the idea u had abt Eric n Adam sometimes building cozy pillow forts, so they do tht n the three of them just vibe in there n lay together n look n talk. n like it's So Much Fun 2 have ppl to like. discuss movies w while yr watching them! esp when they're ppl who won't be annoyed w u when u wanna share a thought! like Eric n Adam will get into this deep discussion abt horror movie decisions n Art will just lay there n listen bc he loves them so much n loves hearing them get amped up abt things. he'll offer his own two cents if asked too! mostly he listens, but he can definitely contribute.

inevitably at some point, someone's hand ends up in Eric's hair n he's just. asleep not too long after that. usually on someone's shoulder or against their chest, n depending on who's still awake, they either try 2 move to th bedroom or they just sleep in th living room (i.e.: Art will try to convince Eric n Adam to come to bed properly, whereas Adam will just b like "fuck it" n pass out right there. has this led 2 them waking up sore b4? absolutely. but it's like. "we r adults who live w our decisions n this one happened 2 be sleeping on th floor" so.

n then a minor one is on their birthdays, some1 (usually Art, to be completely honest w u) will cook tht person their favourite comfort food fr dinner n they all help make cake/cupcakes/cookies/something dessert-related of their choice. so like Art rly likes brownies, Adam is fond of strawberry jello poke cake, n Eric can make some RLY good carrot cake cupcakes w homemade frosting too. it's just smth fr them to do together + like! it's celebrating! they've all been thru so much hell but they're still here! n that's rly th focus for the three of them. sometimes they have ppl over too - like Rigg, Gibson, Brit, Mallick, Lawrence, William (all of them best-case, obv); it's nice 2 have a lil party sometimes! after what they've endured they've kind of earned it I think!

thank u sm!!! this was so fun 2 think abt fjdkjsk

(lil random hc: when Daniel was little, Eric used 2 write letters to him frm Santa. eventually Daniel got "too old for that," but honestly? they cherish tht memory. I wanted 2 include it bc it makes me kjehfje!!!)

#thank u so much I love getting asks frm u!!!!!!#mutual support hours <3 #saw #eric #adam #art #daniel #others r mentioned #listen. a family can be u yr dad n his two boyfriends n yr all traumatized but yr coping together.#it pulls u together instead of tearing u apart.#which is a concept I desperately wish we could've seen more!! it's what they all deserved damn it!!#long post #asks #gnna go thru n tag these w that so I can like. maybe make a masterpost l8r?#if any1 is interested in tht!

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tickotaku · 3 years ago

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Yes yes it also came to my mind that Shuji Tsushima might have been neurodivergent himself! I can say from experience it's super difficult to write a character without having some of your own traits bleed into them and that could be what happened with Yozo

I know a lot of ND people including myself have once felt so alienated from our neurotypical peers that we begun to feel "not human" cause we assumed "an actual human being" should be able to understand other humans and do this and that thing, etc. Which is why the feeling often goes away after becoming aware of your neurodivergency. But if you aren't fortunate enough to realize that, things likely will turn worse and you might do permanent damage to yourself out of despair. Istg, Yozo's life could've gone waaayy different if he realized nothing was wrong with him specifically.

And because you haven't read the book yet, I won't go into the specifics within the book itself-- but I'll mention the translator's introduction where Donald Keene said "Yozo's experiences are certainly not typical of all Japanese intellectuals" which made me think ADHD/autism even harder. Also it's a thing many artists often are/were ND cause for some reason we tend to be into art + probably bc of our uinque view of the world, our creations tend to become famous.

I actually dare to say Yozo *is* ND but bc those things were not well known about back then (like, autism was first identified in 1943 and the book was released 1948), nobody could rly tell. So maybe Tsushima himself was also ND but didn't know and thought that he was just "fucked up". Thus Yozo is the way he is.

Aaaaaa I'm just writing any point that comes to mind rn, it's 2AM I'm sorry for any stupid confusing shit hajfkegjwegkjrl

No need to apologize! Those are really good points!

I agree, back then there weren't really proper terms for things, and weren't really understood.

There are probably a lot more famous authors and/or characters that are neurodivergent than people realize.

I remember hearing something about how people that are neurodivergent are sometimes successful comedians.

It can definitely help to know that you're not so different from other people, and that you're not alone in the way you think and feel. For some it can even ease the feeling of being alienated from people around them.

And it's good that society has started to recognize and understand these things, even though it's not completely accepted. It's easier for people to talk about openly than it was even 50 years ago.

More people feel understood instead of just being labeled by themselves or others as broken or wrong.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts anon! I really enjoyed reading them and thinking about it. I'm also re-excited about reading No Longer Human, I'm going to try to get to that soon.

#Ask #Anon

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videostak · 3 years ago

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i really wanna be a different more grown adult person by new year. im not setting any goals that ill disappoint myself by not achieving or anything but def have a few things that i wanna be consistently doing by then like i wanna have my license by then or atleast just be comfortable behind the wheel. and then i wanna try to get a job for real but thats alot more in the air obviously. and then i wanna get up early and eat breakfast more often and start the day on a good note as opposed to crawling out of bed at 1 and doing whatever it is i have to do for the day and then sleeping at 3 am lol. obv exercising is on the list too i wanna be more in shape and more consistently exercising day to day cause my stomach is really sticking out compared to the rest of me but i think im more interested in just being like fit and not getting exhausted quickly as opposed to being interested in losing fat or anything. i just wanna feel active and alive really lol. and also really this past month has made me realize that my family really is like difficult and they have alot of problems being helpful and actually helping one another. like they jump to very individualistic modes of thought when im doing smthn and ask for a small favor and i really have to get my shit all together cause it can be v stressful doing all their dishes and always having to do small chores that they could easily help w/ or that we could take turns doing its insane how much they just make no effort to be kind human beings when work has to be done. but ya theyre like that and im gonna have to be in top shape to do all the housework that they could help with but wont and if im in top shape it rly wont mean much to me and will make me feel good to do work for myself. theyre also v liek idk what the word is but they sorta make it hard for me to grow as a person so i have to push myself twice as hard i think. anyways ive been really happy lately really identifying where and how i want my life to go cause i really feel like iWasted the shit out of these past 3 years in college. i had nice experiences and met my closest friend there which was great and am grateful to have been to a community college but i had no business being there w/ the disorganized state my life was i was just kinda going cause it was expected of me. Covid obv made this more apparent but also made college way more difficult for me. Im an adult and i am happy to make decisions about my life and i hope i grow more within the coming years. theres alot of love in my heart and i have a lot of interests and passions mainly in the realm of art and i hope i can grow and become more efficient at the things i love and can enjoy everything more because of it. <3

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luvdsc · 3 years ago

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Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)

#asks #jaeismytamtation

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inkykeiji · 4 years ago

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ME TOO CLARI ME TOO my fav thing to do is making someone watch a film that i’ve enjoyed nd observe their reaction all the time hehehe i watch their reactions more than the actual movie pffft

moving onto ur fav film list, your fav film list made me SO happy!! i was so excited to see that most of them were films i’ve watched&wholeheartedly enjoyed ( ^ω^ ) FINALLY SOMEONE APPRECIATING THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS YES!! whenever i mention anderson everyone talks ab the grand budapest hotel so im so happy to see u enjoyed the royal tenenbaums 🥺 also omg u watched burning?!? isn’t it such an amazing film <3 also reservoir dogs and little women and spirited away and ahh i could go on and on forever ab ur list but this ask would be a whole essay so i’ll force myself to hold in cri cri

horror movies are so fascinating aren’t they!!! i love em sm too <3 ari aster n jordan peele r my fav favs when it comes to horror. +the shining and scream! i enjoyed the conjuring series as well :) wait can i drop u a rec, since u love horror i totally recommend a tale of two sisters by kim. one of my all time favs&i have a strong feeling u would love it too! that film has such beautiful cinematography as well (✿╹◡╹)

ahhh my fav films r like, all over the place cuz i don’t have a strong preference/taste, but some of my fav films (that aren’t mentioned above/in ur list) include jojo rabbit-waititi, the florida project-baker, dazed and confused-linklater, moonlight-jenkins, girl interrupted-mangold, your name-makoto, mid90s-hill, lady bird-gerwig, uncut gems-safdie and etc etc so many more but i feel like im oversharing hehehe i also love action movies too but that’s a whole different discussion ;)

honestly u can recommend me anything u want cuz my taste is all over the place like i said, but to narrow it down, hmmm 🤔 is there a movie that u think is a must-watch? or genre-wise, maybe horror/action/drama/coming of age!! love u so so much clari<33 how is tumblr allowing me to write this much huh -🐰

ehehehe okay i’m gonna answer under the cut because i knoooow i’m gonna ramble

RIGHT and like idek why i guess i just love sharing the things i love with the people i care about and observing how they feel about it???

AHAHAHA YESSSSS oh my gosh i love the royal tenenbaums so much!! like my favourite wes film is either fantastic mr fox or rushmore, but yes!! grand budapest is rly pretty tho and i think that’s why so many people gravitate towards it yk? I DID WATCH BURNING actually i was super lucky and got to watch it at TIFF before it ‘officially’ premiered + there was a lil q&a with the cast and director (w a translator ehehe) but it absolutely blew me away. i’m just in love with korean cinema as a whole. i have yet to watch a korean film that i don’t like!!

little women is just !!!!!!! i love greta so much and i can’t wait to see what else she creates; i just feel like greta is a woman director creating films FOR WOMEN. does that make sense??? well-known women directors are already so sparse, but there are some (ie bigelow) who create uhhhhhh films that cater more towards men and the masses??? and that’s not to say that bigelow isn’t a fantastic director, because she IS, but i really like sofia coppola and greta gerwig because their films are so feminine and focused on feminine issues and relationships that we really don’t see on widespread/popular screens (like at first run theatres ie multiplexes).

RESERVOIR DOGS AAAAAAAH listen listen i have A Thing for mr. blonde ehehehe yeah i really love quentin, as i mentioned. whenever someone says pulp fiction is his best film i really have to refrain from rolling my eyes, and i know that makes me sound like suuuuch a snob but like,,,,,,,,,, pulp fiction is his most popular film, not his best (in MY opinion!! since art is all personal opinion yk etc etc). and like i could go on forever about him, i love every single one of his films, i think he’s such a fantastic writer and just aaaaah <333333 love quentin’s work so so so much.

ARI ASTER AND JORDAN PEELE ARE FANTASTIC. i wrote an essay on get out and it was literally one of my favourite essays to write!! i’m really really really excited to see what both of them continue to create!! OOOOH I LOOKED IT UP AND YEAH IT LOOKS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY i will add it to the list n get back to you!!!

aaaaah ur taste!!! dw clearly my taste is all over the place too ahahaha i just love cinema so much, i’m always eager to watch new films and literally always feel overwhelmed with just how many i want to watch ehehehe. OH MY GOD YOUR NAME MADE ME SOB LIKE A BABY such a beautiful film!!!!!! loved it so so so much. eeeee i actually hate action movies ahahahaha 🙈🙈🙈

hmmm i’m gonna try n go with ‘must watch’ films just because i feel like i’ve already mentioned so many in most of those genres n you’ve already seen most of them, so!!

ladri di biciclette by de sica

masculin, feminin and pierrot le fou by godard

news from home by akerman (if you can find it, it can be a lil difficult to track down but if ur school has a decent film library/collection they should have it!!)

rome, open city by rossellini

in the mood for love by wong kar-wai

the 400 blows by truffaut

hotel by the river by hong sangsoo (i literally love this film so fucking much my gosh like another one we saw at TIFF one year and just !!!!!!!)

full metal jacket by kubrick

apocalypse now by coppola

bride of frankenstein by whale

nosferatu by murnau (honestly anything german expressionism is worth watching esp the cabinet of dr caligari and metropolis, too,, i just really love german expressionism lmaoooo)

peeping tom by powell

king kong (1933) by cooper + schoedsack

aaaah like tbh i’d be surprised if you didn’t know/watch these, too!! like, i feel like they’re fairly common in film programs but!!! recommending films to another film student is hard cause i’m sitting here like ‘well, they most likely know all of the american/hollywood ‘must watch’ films’, but then i’m all ‘but if they’re a film student, there’s a good chance they’ve watched these, too’ so aaaah idk i hope some of these are new to you, at least!!! i kinda just thought about my favourite cinema movements and picked a film or two from each ahahahaha

SORRY I WROTE U A MINI ESSAY LMAO JUST RAAAAMBLING but !!! i can’t wait to hear more about ur cinema adventures!!! lmk if you’ve seen any on the rec list omg omg and once again sorry it took me so long to finish answering this :((

#WHEW #literally i could talk forever about cinema i love it so much #i will not shut the fuck up LMAO #but yeah!!! aaaaah it's so great to have another film student to talk to on here!!!#if you've seen most of the films on that list then i can move onto horror + drama recs (if u want me to ofc!!)#anyway lmk!!!#i hope u had a wonderful day my lil bunny n i hope you're staying safe!! <33 #🐰.anon #clari gets mail

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godspouse · 4 years ago

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can’t tell if i hate where i live or if i just hate living. i miss living near a city bc at least then, on the rare occasions that i did go out, i didn’t feel so completely isolated like i do here. whenever i express unhappiness about that my mom just makes it seem like i’m saying i hate her bc it was her idea to move in the first place, which i don’t at all!! i just wish my feelings of pain and isolation weren’t met with such immediate harsh judgement. but i know that if i could suddenly live in la again i would still be miserable lmao. why do all my problems have to be small interlocking pieces of a giant stupid thing. why is it so difficult for me to just exist!! it’s been like this my whole entire life, no matter where i am. it gets very hard to hope for change when everything has been exactly the same for 20 years.

i was thinking about this earlier but it rly feels so alien living after an attempt. especially when u’ve been suicidal for as long as u can remember. i find it hard to think of times when i’ve ever genuinely enjoyed life. i’ve always been so focused on death- on anything other than what i was living. and now it just feels like i’m past an expiration date. nothing helps. little things work for a couple hours. a movie. reading. baking. chores. art. but they’re just bandaids, they fall off eventually. a temporary purpose. therapy just makes me feel even worse now bc i feel like i’m somehow “”failing”” it. guilt is constant and ever present! always yelling! a tired existence indeed.

#journal

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

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The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly.

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

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darkmacademia · 5 years ago

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hi! this is a stupid question but anyway. i’m doing my alevels (uk) so going to uni next sept. i’ve got my actual exams next summer too. the thing is, i rly want to do well and go to a good uni and my teachers have told me it’s possible. but the problem is i just can’t like study. i’ve bought books for extra reading and i told myself to watch ted talks and to write up study notes but i just can’t seem to motivate myself to actually do it. i know i’ll regret it if i don’t but i still can’t (1)

(2) find the motivation to knuckle down and study. i even wake up early and i still am not nearly as productive as i should be. i’m just tired when i come back from school so it’s easier to just watch netflix then read a book. do you have any advice/tips because i could really do with some!!! thank you so much. p.s. your blog is amazing and it makes me rly happy when i see your posts on my dash!

[long post]

Thanks for the question, it’s not stupid at all! Sorry to hear you’re struggling with studying, it can be a very stressful time. I’m not super qualified to give advice but I’m gonna try anyway! I’ll relate the tips to myself if you don’t mind, just for context. (For reference, I finished Australian VCE in November 2018)

Usually when you’re struggling with something that is totally in your power to do but you just Can’t, it might not be due to the actual task, but something about it or adjacent to it that is stopping you, e.g. fear of failure, wrong studying techniques, etc. Maybe try and analyse what exactly is stopping you? For example, when I was really struggling with writing practice essays for English (like i wrote Nothing, ever), I found that it was because I didn’t like sitting alone trying to push out ideas onto a blank page, it was just suuuper boring for me.

So instead, I grabbed my friend and we sat for hours just chatting (and sometimes arguing very passionately) about the text and occasionally jotting down ideas to write about later. This made me actually passionate about my ideas and enjoy the work rather than it being a chore. It wasn’t because I couldn’t write essays, but because the way I went about it before didn’t work for me. (I ended up doing really well in the exam even though I started the year doing zero work). This is sort of vague advice, but if you want to chat more, feel free to send a chat message. I’d be more than happy to talk!

But for more concrete tips, these are some that I’ve found work for me personally:

1) Making it less effort to start: sometimes we don’t want to study because that involves getting out notes, setting up stationary, chargers, text books, waiting for the planets to align, etc. So what I did was make it as easy as possible to just get right into it. I’d organise my supplies on my desk so I could literally just sit down and start. That initial hesitation can set you back, especially when you don’t want to do the thing.

2) Studying with friends: this might not be practical for everyone, but I personally find it terribly difficult to motivate myself when studying alone. Find some similar-minded friends and just sit together and study. It helped me a lot to know that I wasn’t the only one suffering lmao. This leads onto the next point:

3) Pomodoro sessions: a common study technique is splitting up your time into 25+5 minute blocks, as it’s not as daunting as sitting down and telling yourself you’ll study for 2 hours straight. Especially if you’re with friends, you’re rewarded with those 5 minutes of relaxing, chatting, getting a drink, so it doesn’t seem like hours and hours of hell. (No joke, this video was my favourite video of 2018, she’s amazing). My classmates and I would find a quiet table, put that video on and just work in silence for 25 minutes, which is actually a lot less time than you think.

4) Studying is hard, but doesn’t have to be complete agony for you to do well: something I learnt during the HOURS of tediously making 500+ A3 pages in my visual diaries (I counted) for my two art subjects. Yes, doing well isn’t easy, but success is NOT synonymous with pain. Yes, you’ll have to do those equations somehow, but grab a hot drink, play some music, put on a cute outfit (idk why this helps, it just does), study with friends. Learning is meant to be fun, don’t let study get in the way of that.

5) You can’t do everything at once: ever get overwhelmed with the size of the task? I got super scared at all the Chinese stuff I had to memorise and it totally shut me down for weeks. I had to remember that I physically could not do all of it at once, so I stopped trying. I broke everything down into weekly/daily tasks that I could manage short-term. The sheer pressure itself was stopping me from working, not the tasks themselves.

6) This is for the more extreme scenarios, but lock your social media: my friend @acastemia and I legit couldn’t stay off our social media during Year 12, so we got the other to change the passwords for all our accounts and not let each other have them until we proved that we did the work for that week. Obviously a dramatic move, but dear god it helped in those final months ahaha

7) Other random stuff that might work: this app for staying off phones, this app for getting better sleep, cleaning your desk - seeing a clear space helps clear ur mind I guess?? Studying in different environments - alternating between cafes, libraries, parks, at home.

Whoops this is super long but I hope that helps somewhat! Please please message me further if you have more questions, I’m very passionate about navigating the hellscape that is the education system and want to see everyone do well ! Best of luck, I’d love to hear how you go in the future. xx

#also thanks for the compliment it's very nice of you!!#took a while to write everything thanks for waiting aha #long post #Anonymous

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brinytrolls · 4 years ago

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heyy!! i really like your work and think you're SUPER MEGA cool, and hope you get REALLY good at animating!! drawing is the first step, so making it move is the next haha. (once i save enough for a tablet i'll practice a lot!!) but i have a question: how do you improve as an artist? do you actively seek out critique or does it come with time and sub-conscious decisions to not do the bad thing anymore? what did you do? love you, keep fredding on!! ----some stupid idiot who wants to be anonymous

thank u anon this is super sweet!!! it means a lot<3

also ive been an animation student for 5 years now so i know a little bit but probably, less than i should.....i do Not practise enough

as for tips! let me try and compile a short list of things that help me!

• u hear it all the time but its true-practise practise practise!!! sketchbooks, digital, whatever strikes ur fancy. practising is the MOST important thing u can do

• understand and research the basics. you dont need to be an expert on anything, god knows im not, but its good to know a bit! this includes but isnt limited to:

colour theory! why colours go together, what colour schemes look good, etc. heres some basics on it! personally

[i also find symbolism of colour just as important. obviously symbolism varies from person to person and culture! but heres a quick guide on the usual symbolism of colour. if something sounds wrong to you though, mess with it yourself!]

tthe form of subjects-this means drawing basic shapes, and using them to construct [basically] anything! the idea is its much easier to draw and move around a series of cubes and cylinders, than a whole human body. heres a guide on how form works.

draw a box is a challenge recommended to me by my lecturer for improving on drawing shapes and forms! i highly recommend it!

value and lighting are important! heres an explanation on value. im not sure much can be done to cheat lighting and value, except for master studies (we’ll get to that shortly!) and observation.

the most useful tip on value ive learned, is to turn your art black and white, and see if it all has enough contrast without colour. if not, time to work on the values!

composition, babey. how subjects are arranged in a piece. heres a bunch of stuff on it [im still learning this one...rule of thirds i will Die for tho]

anatomy! this is the hardest shit. i still dont get it. my lecturers recommend andy loomis [heres a pdf of his figure drawing book] idt his way was quite up my alley, but u never know!

• speaking of anatomy-life drawing is an INCREDIBLY useful reference. so goddamn useful, u dont even know. they help u figure out anatomy! this includes gesture studies, and more detailed things. i recommend googling how a typical life drawing class goes down/tips for it

life drawing classes are very difficult to access atm, so here are a couple of online resources! [all of these will obv contain nude bodies]

croquis cafe-contains free videos that simulate a life drawing class! videos are more useful than images. has a variety of ethnicities and body types, which is wonderful!

line of action- a site with a variety of images on figure drawing, animal drawing, as well as hands & feet, expression/face focus, and environmental things. you can set it to play as a slideshow for as long as u like, or set it up to be similar in timing to a real life drawing class

online stock photo artists such as senshistock, who has compiled a useful little list of similar accounts over here!

• reference reference reference!! references are so incredibly useful, and anyone who tells you using a reference is cheating is wrong on every conceivable level. reference from photos, from movies, from videos, everything.

something ive had to do in every level of art education is recreations and master studies.

this means collecting artists work from professionals-be it historic painters, movie screenshots, concept artists, anything!

it makes you focus on their compositions, how the lighting works, the colours used, pretty much everything.

this is useful bc it can 1: get you out of your comfort zone and 2: make you use new techniques you might never have considered

online tools such as designdoll and justsketchme have poseable models for you to pose as you please and reference from! suuuuper useful, especially for perspective poses.

• experimentation! fuck around. use brushes youve never used before, try a new medium, collect every free sample from the craft store and just Do Shit with it.

• absorb every goddamn piece of art u have ever come across, and save what you enjoy.

and i mean save everything you enjoy. u like a movies lighting? a certain shot? an outfit? a random piece of fanart u came across? save it! look at it, figure out what it is u like

make a private pinterest board or a folder on ur computer, save everything.

absorb and yank bits from art u enjoy. obviously dont imitate someones entire style, but if u like the way someone draws hands, or noses, or eyes, reference it. recreate it. see what u like, and incorporate it into ur own art

art is a big mess of taking things u like and making it ur own

• study professionals! animations, artists, illustrators. they know what they’re doing.

heres a useful resource with a lot of rare concept art from animated movies! i go here a lot.

buy art books, or acquire pdfs of them, im not a cop, i dont care

• as for critique, i do look for critique, and pay attention to it, but it’s important to know not to take it personally. and i recommend asking people whos opinions you value!

i think thats all i can think of right now in terms of General Art....

if u want me to elaborate on anything or show me art, ask for help or just talk art stuff [character design is my fav and my speciality, ive been studying it for a while 👀] please dont be afraid to dm me or just send me another ask!

best of luck anon, i rly hope this helps! :D

#thats a lot of writing im so sorry #fredspeak #long post #Anonymous #ask #text

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