#ari has no fucking idea what she's talking about

[witchywithwhiskey]

first christmas with trucker ari levinson

pairing: dark trucker!ari levinson x female reader

summary: you ask ari if you can hang up some christmas decorations in his truck cab, and after his initial refusal, he starts to come around to the idea—and has some fun making you beg for it.

warnings: 18+ content (minors dni!!!), smut, piv sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, slightly dry/painful sex, creampie, cock warming, bondage, choking, breathplay, dirty talk, degradation, some praise, daddy/dad kink, begging, pet names (sweetheart, baby, kiddo), some aftercare, a mean hot man

word count: 2.0k

a/n: based on this ask from @veltana: Are trucker Ari's and trucker Jake's readers gonna decorate the rigs for the holidays? since Ari's canonically jewish, i wanted to work that in while still showing what he's willing to do for his girl. (also apologies if there's any tense switching in this one, i'm not used to writing in present tense 😬)

trucker king masterlist & dirty filthy truckers universe masterlist

Trucker Ari Levinson isn’t the type of man to decorate for the holidays. By the time Thanksgiving rolls around, you’re well aware of this fact about your trucker, but you think it would be nice to put up some decorations in the rig, just to make it feel a little bit festive.

When you broach the subject, the two of you have just set off on a six-week stint of driving, which means you’ll be on the road through the new year. Already, the vast, snow-covered plains of the midwest have you feeling melancholy, so you’re really hoping Ari says yes to some Christmas cheer.

However, your trucker shuts you down with a curt, grunted, “I’m Jewish.”

You try not to show your disappointment, but you haven’t quite gotten used to the way you can never hide anything from your deceptively observant trucker. So while you think you do a good job of playing it off like you don’t care that Ari doesn’t seem willing to let you decorate, he knows he’s struck a chord—and it doesn’t sit well with him.

At the next rest stop, Ari’s grabbing snacks while you’re in the bathroom and he catches sight of a small display of Christmas decorations. They’re all cheap and plastic and poor quality, but before he can stop himself, he’s swiping one of the bright red Santa hats and adding it to his haul.

Ari shakes his head to himself, wondering what his mother would think of him if she could see him buying a Santa hat when he hasn’t worn a yarmulke or stepped foot in a synagogue in over a decade. But then he pushes the thoughts aside, reminding himself that his mother was gone, she’d left him, and she had no fucking right to judge what he was doing.

You’re settled in the rig by the time he gets back, an e-reader in your lap, and already engrossed in some smutty Christmas romance when Ari hauls himself into the driver’s seat. You don’t look up until a bag of Christmas candy lands in your lap, and you’re so taken aback, you glance at your trucker in surprise.

It’s then that you see the Santa hat pulled down over Ari’s slightly greasy brown hair. In his dirty red flannel, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, Ari looked like the hottest, filthiest Santa you’ve ever seen, and your core quivers with eagerness as you suck in an excited breath.

Ari’s staring at your mouth, his eyes dipping lower to the way your tits are trembling as your breathing speeds up. You’re wearing nothing but one of his flannel shirts, the buttons undone an almost indecent amount, and nothing underneath. (You’d worn leggings into the rest stop bathroom, but taken them off as soon as you got back in the truck—Ari doesn’t like you wearing too many clothes and, truthfully, you don’t either.)

“Why don’t you come sit on Santa’s lap, kiddo,” Ari rumbles, his voice low and smooth—the charming tone of the man who’d coaxed you into his truck that first day. His hand pats his thigh enticingly as he spreads his legs, the fingers of his other hand deftly undoing the button and fly of his jeans. “Tell daddy what you want for Christmas this year.”

Your pussy is already wet with desire, so you toss your e-reader onto the bunk in the back and quickly navigate the space between your seats so you can throw a leg over Ari’s thighs and slide into his lap. Your ass lands on his legs, your pussy already slick enough that you whimper with the need to be filled.

“Beg for this cock, sweetheart,” Ari rumbles, stroking his thick length, his knuckles brushing against your damp slit and making your hips buck forward, seeking more friction. “Beg me to use your cunny like my own personal cock sleeve.”

“Please, use my pussy, daddy,” you beg breathlessly, fingers twining around the hair at the nape of Ari’s neck, careful not to knock the Santa hat off his head. “Use me to keep your cock warm, please—I want nothing more than to be your perfect little cock slave.”

“Good cock whore,” Ari purrs, one of his big hands grabbing your ass and urging you to lift up. Then he was notching the head of his dick at your tight little hole and helping you sink down on him.

A lewd moan slips from your lips as you take Ari’s cock. Your pussy isn’t quite wet enough to take his thick girth, but you don’t care. You’d take Ari dry if that’s what he wanted, and you both know it. 

There’s a delicious sting as your pussy protests the thick intrusion but you push past it, forcing your hips down until your ass meets Ari’s strong thighs. You sigh with contentment, swaying a little in Ari’s lap, your eyes half-lidded as you stare into your trucker’s ungodly handsome face. 

For some reason, the Santa hat is really doing it for you, making Ari even hotter than normal and you think, dazedly, you might have a Santa kink—so long as Santa is your dirty, filthy trucker.

“Feels s’good, daddy,” you slur, pleasure making your tongue feel thick and clumsy in your mouth. 

Ari chuckles and gives your hip an affectionate pat before he removes his hands from your body and starts up the truck, the engine growling to life. 

He’s pulled his rig back onto the snowy midwestern roads before he reminds you about why you’re on his lap in the first place.

“I wanna decorate the cab for Christmas,” you murmur, laying your head against Ari’s shoulder and enjoying the feeling of the truck rumbling beneath you, the warmth of the rig surrounding you.

Your eyes slide closed and you relax against Ari’s chest, letting the soothing vibrations and the perfect feeling of being filled by his cock lull you. Your whispered plea is spoken into the hollow of Ari’s throat, right above where the star of David he always wears is nestled beneath his t-shirt. 

“Please, dad.”

You feel your trucker’s cock twitch inside you, and a second later he lets out a tortured groan. It joins the soft moan you bury in the shoulder of his flannel shirt, your hips rocking lazily on Ari’s lap. Your juices are soaking his cock already, dripping down to his balls, and his cock is throbbing inside you, both of you equally turned on by what you’d called him. 

“Fine,” he grits out through clenched teeth, though you know he’s not angry, just trying to hold back from coming inside you so soon. He always reacts that way when you call him ‘dad’ instead of ‘daddy’. “You can have one string of lights, baby, but I’m going to test ‘em out before we hang ‘em up.”

Sucking in a sharp breath of surprise, you lean back and look up at Ari to make sure he’s serious. You find his jaw clenched tight and ticking, but when his eyes meet yours, there’s a sparkle of something like affection in them. Before you can be sure, though, he looks back to the dark road. 

“Thank you, Ari, thank you,” you cry, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pressing kisses to his scruffy cheeks and burying your face in his thick beard to nuzzle his jaw. Happily, you lick and kiss down his neck, sucking on the spot at the base of his throat that makes his cock throb inside you. 

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome,” he grumbles, one of his hands falling to the small of your back and urging you to settle. “Now be a good cock whore and sit still while you keep me warm, we’ve got another couple hours of driving before you can properly thank me.” 

“Yes, sir, daddy,” you purr sweetly in Ari’s ear as you settle down on his lap. You lay your head on his shoulder and press your mouth to his neck, licking and sucking on his skin idly while you do your best to stay still and let him drive in peace. 

When Ari finally pulls off for the night, you’re practically vibrating with a need to show him how happy he’s made you and as soon as he puts the rig in park, you’re riding his cock hard and fast. 

Your hands are planted on his bare chest—since you made him strip out of his flannel shirt and t-shirt—and you lift your ass up before slamming it down hard, the tip of his cock pushing against your cervix with every thrust and making your cunt squeeze the life from his hard length.

Once he’s let you take control for long enough, Ari’s hand wraps around the front of your throat and he pins you back against the steering wheel, not caring that the horn blares while he fucks up into you ruthlessly. 

All you can do is watch your trucker king, wearing a cheap rest stop Santa hat, fuck the hell out of you while your tits bounce and your mouth falls open in a moan.

Ari comes with a rough shout, yanking you down hard on his cock and making you grind your pussy on him, rubbing your clit against the coarse hair at the base. His hand squeezes your throat, choking you just hard enough to make your pussy spasm, and then you’re coming too, your scream of pleasure stifled by his grip on your neck.

After, Ari helps you into the bunk and tucks you into his big body beneath the blanket. He falls asleep wearing that Santa hat and some boxer briefs, while you’re naked in his arms. With your back to his chest, you can’t see the faint smile that curves his mouth as he drifts off.

When Ari finally buys you that string of lights he promised, you learn that the ‘test’ he wanted to do before you strung them up was to tie you up in them. He winds the cord around your calves, then your thighs, binding your legs together before he plugs them in to make sure they’re all working. 

Ari takes a long moment to look at you like that, naked on the bunk in the back of his rig, save for the thick socks keeping your feet toasty, and the warm, golden lights of the Christmas decoration he bought for you. 

It makes him want to buy you more, to see how you’d look laid out beneath a fully decked out Christmas tree while he fucked your pussy, or how you’d feel curled up in a blanket covered in reindeer while he held you on his lap, his cock buried in your ass. He wants to see you wearing a Santa hat that matched his own, sucking his cock on Christmas morning while he made you coffee.

Ari reminds himself that the two of you are spending Christmas in his rig that year, driving around the country until well into January. But he saves those ideas for another time, tucking them into a box in a corner deep in his mind reserved for all the softer, more domestic plans he has for you—the ones you’ve started to inspire in him despite the fact that he’s never thought of himself as a man with soft or domestic side. 

To distract himself, Ari digs out the Santa hat he bought at that rest stop and puts it on your head, pulling it down over your ears and giving you a satisfied little grin. Then he folds your body in half, pushing your bound legs up to your chest and off to the side so he can watch your face contort in pleasure while he sinks his cock into you.

The string of lights are digging into your skin a little painfully and you’re bent in an almost uncomfortable position, but you can’t help but enjoy it when Ari plunges into your cunt and sets a fast, merciless pace. 

You’d never expected a conversation about Christmas decorations to end up with you tied up in a string of lights, but then, nothing about your trucker was ever what you expected—and that was part of why you loved him so much. You couldn’t wait to spend that Christmas and many more with your trucker king, Ari Levinson.

trucker king masterlist & dirty filthy truckers universe masterlist

[ariclassof09]

"Since the end of the Cold War, the Kalashnikov has become the Russian people's greatest export. After that comes vodka, caviar, and suicidal novelists."

— Nic Cage (Lord of War, 2005)

So my dad made me watch Lord of War and then talked to me for two straight hours about the history of Russia.

Why is Russia like that? First it was poor, hungry dictatorship run by the Tsar; then it was a poor, hungry dictatorship run by Lenin; then it was a poor, hungry dictatorship run by Stalin; then it was a poor, hungry dictatorship run by other guys; after that it was a poor, hungry dictatorship that didn't have a dictator, and now it's a poor, hungry dictatorship run by Putin.

Why can't the Russians just get it right already? Are they this bad at running countries? Why does it keep happening?????

Can't they just do whatever America did? How hard is it to govern a country that apparently has tons of oil, according to my dad?

Just don't have a dictator! It's that easy!

God!

Also, Dad, if you're reading this, how many European monarchy alternate history short stories of yours am I gonna have to read until you learn that nobody publishes alternate history?

It's the world's most boring genre, people don't even like REGULAR history!

[2hightocare]

BIRTHDAY CHAOS!

Synopsis: It’s Jungkook’s birthday and obviously it couldn’t just be a small get together… according to everyone.

Genre: comedy, found family, established relationships.

Pairing: DILF!jungkook x fem!reader

Warnings: curse words, mentions of sex, alcohol consumption, family oriented, jungkook being sappy, just full on fluff, this is more bts centered than just jungkook and oc, cowboy jungkook YEEEHAW!

a/n: Tupac back! TUPAC BACK! hi im back… i haven’t been writing these pasts months like i used to— school has had me busy with so many papers that the idea of writing for anything outside school literally sends chills down my spine. BUT! i miss writing my very close imaginary family so enjoy🤍

…

"We're doing the absolute most," Jia sighs, slumping backward and releasing an untied balloon. It zooms across the floor, landing by your feet. "We're talking about the same person, right?" Eunbi asks from her position on the floor, colorful confetti spread out in front of her as she carefully glues a number onto the banner.

"Let’s not bully my man on his birthday," you playfully scold your best friend, giving her blonde hair a gentle tug.

Eunbi looks up at you with a pout. "Ow!" She scrunches her nose, sticking her tongue out before returning to decorating the banner on the ground.

"That ‘happy birthday’ looks crooked as fuck," Taehyung comments, crossing his arms over his chest as he looks down at the colorful banner beside the long-haired blonde. "Ari, permission to clock his shit right now," Eunbi says, looking up to Taehyung’s wife, who is perched on Namjoon’s shoulders, sticking balloons to the wall.

"Permission granted," Ari mumbles around the tape in her mouth. "But stay away from his face; we have an event coming up." Her voice is clearer as she uses the tape to secure a balloon.

"Honey, you did not just—what the actual fuck?" Taehyung gasps dramatically, quickly dodging Eunbi’s attempt to hit him with a pair of confetti poppers.

"Girl, next time, aim for his balls—" Aera begins but is interrupted by the front door slamming open, making everyone freeze in place.

The room goes deathly quiet before everyone exhales in relief as Lora, Jimin, Daeun, Yoongi, and Seokjin come rushing through the door.

"Y/n, I tried to stop them, but they wouldn’t listen," Yoongi says first, rushing to his wife on the floor. He drops a kiss on her cheek before looking up at you, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Don’t even! You helped us pick which one!" Jimin defends himself, placing a hand on his chest as if he’s been mortally wounded. Lora laughs out loud, bouncing with excitement.

"You look too happy for anyone's peace of mind," Hoseok observes, a small smile of amusement on his face.

You raise an eyebrow, confused, both hands on your hips as you wait for someone to start explaining. "Before you get mad..." Lora begins, only to be silenced by your raised hand.

"I’m already mad," you sigh, making everyone burst into laughter.

"Jungkook said he wanted one, so we got it for him," Daeun explains, clicking his tongue and biting her lower lip anxiously. She’s the newest addition to your group—she and Jimin started dating a few months ago. Despite her shy nature, Daeun clicked with everyone quickly, although her personality is much more calm than anyone else’s she fit in perfectly. Still no one could beat Jungkook’s and Eunbi’s track record when it came to the most extroverted of the bunch.

You raised an eyebrow in confusion, waiting for an explanation. At the same time, Seokjin nervously let out a small, low-pitched "giddy up," his voice cracked as he hesitated. He awkwardly mimed cracking a whip, glancing around with a sheepish grin, clearly embarrassed and already regretting it.

"You guys bought him a horse?" you gasp, eyes nearly popping out of your head as you watch everyone else's expressions mirror your shock. Silence fills the room, and it’s almost comedic when one of the balloons that Ari was blowing deflates. As everyone waits for your reaction, you hear the blonde on the ground whisper.

"Wait, he really wanted a horse? I thought he was joking! Babe—we should’ve gotten him the horse first as a thank you gift for giving me bubbles on my birthday," Eunbi whispers to her husband, who gives her a 'not now, baby' look.

Before you know it, you're pulling on Eunbi’s hair again. "The fuck are we going to do with a horse?" you sigh heavily, flailing your arms around.

One thing you learned from everyone is that they all go to great lengths for each other, no matter how ridiculous the idea or situation might be—and you fully participate in the chaos. But right now, the only thought in your mind is how you’re going to murder five people simultaneously.

"How did going for birthday hats end with you guys buying him a horse?" Joon asks, his face scrunched in confusion as Taehyung tries not to laugh while helping his wife off Namjoon’s shoulders.

"We didn’t buy one..." Jimin says, looking around nervously, waiting for someone to step in.

"We rented one!" Lora jumps in happily, clapping her hands. Her long, straight black hair bounces around her face as her deep dimples appear while she shoves her phone into your face.

"Isn’t it so cute? The person renting it out said his name is Rex, but I think he gives off more ‘Goody’ vibes." Lora shrugs happily, showing you multiple pictures of a huge, beautiful black horse.

"Can we talk about how big a horse shits," Seokjin mentions dramatically to the boys that stayed behind at the house. Your mind already making a mental note that the five responsible will be cleaning up after the horse in your backyard later.

"When is it getting here?" you sigh in defeat, making Lora clap excitedly.

"Aww, you didn’t crash out! Maturity looks so good on you, babes!" Eunbi cheers from the ground.

…

"I am not wearing this shit," Hoseok groans loudly, rolling his head back and stomping his feet like a child. "Why did I get the worst one out of everyone?" His hands flail dramatically as he explains, clearly annoyed that his t-shirt is, in his opinion, the most boring.

"You think yours is wack?" Eunbi side-eyes him, pointing at her own shirt. "I’m wearing a picture of Jungkook's face with the words, ‘Big dick is back in town.’" She reads it out loud before throwing her head back with an overly dramatic sigh.

"I low-key love mine," Jimin chimes in, striking multiple poses to show off his t-shirt, which reads, ‘I wish he was real,’ beneath a large photo of Jungkook giving a thumbs-up while wearing Iseul’s pink tutu.

"That’s because yours is cool! Mine is literally..." Hobi starts, sounding enthusiastic before suddenly clamming up, which causes Jia to burst out laughing beside him.

"Wait, now I wanna see it!" Eunbi’s face lights up, reaching for the shirt bunched up in Hoseok's hands.

"Stop! I love it!" Eunbi bursts into laughter as she reads the large text across the middle of his white shirt. "Show me!" Yoongi nudges his wife, poking her in the hip for her to move aside so he can see.

A grin spreads across his face as his eyes scan the words: ‘Sorry, princess, I only date DILFs who look like this,’ followed by a heart-shaped picture of Jungkook, shirtless, flexing his muscles with a pout on his lips. Yoongi can't hold back his laughter.

"I need to know who came up with these," Yoongi chuckles, dropping his head onto Eunbi’s shoulder, still shaking with amusement.

"I am not wearing this," Hoseok snaps, snatching the shirt back from Eunbi before crossing his arms in front of his chest, pouting like a sulking kid.

"Babe, you’re so cute," Jimin teases as he watches his girlfriend make her way to the small group, whistling as he gives his girlfriend, Daeun, a playful spin. She blushes, biting her lower lip as she reads aloud the words on her own shirt.

"‘Introverted but willing to discuss...’" Daeun pauses and points at the picture of Jungkook dramatically winking beneath the text.

"That one is so cute!" Jia claps happily beside Hoseok, who is still throwing a tantrum while Eunbi laughs and points at his pouty face.

You silently chuckle as you overhear their conversation shifting from shirts to whether they should have gotten a photo booth. You quickly announce that you’re going inside to get Iseul and yourself ready before heading into the house.

The laughter from the backyard fades as you close the sliding door behind you, having spent all morning decorating it. You take a moment to check the kitchen, living room, and walls, ensuring everything looks as you had planned before rushing upstairs to shower before Iseul wakes from her nap.

After showering, blow-drying, and straightening your hair, you start to hear small whines from Iseul as she begins to wake up. You poke your head out of the bathroom and into your and Jungkook’s room, finding Iseul sitting up in bed. Her hair is disheveled, and she’s rubbing her chubby hands over her eyes, surrounded by pillows creating a makeshift barrier.

“Hi, my love,” your voice soars to a higher pitch as you approach her. “How’d you sleep, baby?” You coo, brushing her small light curls away from her face, gently poking her cheeks before planting a kiss on them both.

“I slept good,” Iseul murmurs softly, finally opening her eyes. Her Bambi-like gaze looks up at you. “Is Daddy here yet? It’s his birfday.” Your four-year-old scans the room, only to pout in disappointment when she realizes it’s just you both in the room.

“He’s almost here, so we need to make you look pretty! Okay?” You poke her small side, making her giggle and nod enthusiastically. You wrap your arms around her, holding her tight as you lift her and carry her to her room. You carefully set her down on the bed before heading into her closet to find the outfit you had planned. You also grab a couple of alternative pants options just in case the original choice doesn’t work out.

“Okay, you have two options. Pick,” you say, emerging from the closet with two pairs of bottoms. “Skirt or jeans?” You wave the options as Iseul puts her index finger on her chin and furrows her eyebrows, deep in thought. “What are you wearing?” she asks carefully, making you smile. “A skirt,” you reply, watching her nod several times before pointing at the skirt in your left hand.

"I wanna wear a skirt too!” she exclaims with a beaming smile, her dimples—clearly inherited from her dad—showing prominently.

You nod in approval and quickly help her change and brush her teeth. You also brush her hair, letting it flow down her back.

“Okay, pose for me, princess,” you giggle as you watch your daughter smile and place her hands on her hips, striking a pose.

“Okay, now stand still and look down at your shoes for me.” You ask, as she hums and gazes at her Adidas shoes and white socks with ruffles, while you click away on your camera. “You’re so beautiful,” you coo, finally standing up and reaching for your daughter’s hand to guide her outside so you can finish your makeup and get dressed.

As you open the glass door to the backyard, she finally speaks. “I know, Daddy told me I’m the most beeyootiful girl ever.” She quips before stepping out, where Yejoon—who just got here, after being dropped off by his grandparents from his dad’s side—rushes toward her, and Eunbi and Taehyung quickly start showering her with compliments about her custom-made shirt as if it were a competition.

You laugh as you watch Eunbi’s smile falter when Iseul jumps into Taehyung’s arms first. You shout that you’ll be right back, earning several thumbs up from the group. As you rush back to your room, your phone rings in your back pocket. You quickly pluck it out and see a picture of you smiling at the camera with your husband’s bicep cradling your face, making you smile as you press the green button and click ‘speaker.’

“Baby,” Jungkook’s voice comes through as you place the phone down on the counter and start your makeup.

“Hi,” you reply, tucking your hair back out of your face.

“Hi, my obnoxiously gorgeous wife, I miss you,” Jungkook says, and you smile, hearing the warmth in his voice.

“Are my girls ready? I’m almost home,” he continues. You giggle and reply with a small “yes” as you blend concealer under your eyes.

You had told Jungkook the other night that instead of a party, you wanted to take him out to eat for his birthday, just the three of you. He agreed immediately, not knowing it was a complete lie. Knowing damn well the group chat you just have made the other day with everyone from the already standing “plan b survivors” group chat with the exclusion of Jungkook—obviously—was currently being spammed with multiple suggestions of whether getting a bouncy house was a good idea or not.

“Your mom sent me her GIF not too long ago; it’s the best one she’s sent to date,” Jungkook says, making you burst out laughing, knowing exactly which kind of GIF he means. Your mom has a habit of sending extravagant GIFs with blooming flowers and sparkles, with bold text that reads something completely different depending on the mood, situation or event.

“She edited me into the background this time. You know, the one where I’m flexing my muscles with those pink ribbons you tied on them,” he recounts, and you hum in agreement, knowing exactly what picture he’s talking about since you were the one who took and sent it to your mom.

“I love the way confetti pops the moment you click on it to play,” he chuckles, making you mirror his smile.

As he continues talking about how everyone wished him a happy birthday at the meeting he had to attend—scheduled long ago and unmissable—you listen as he changes topics to how he plans to start taking Iseul to swimming classes while you finish your makeup.

“Okay, baby, I’m around the corner. Can you put an outfit out for me so I can shower and change quickly?” Jungkook asks as you apply the last coat of mascara to your eyelashes.

Humming in agreement, you reply, “Okay, and I already did, baby,” as you twist the mascara cap shut and check yourself one last time in the mirror before grabbing your phone and heading to both your clothes laid out on the bed.

“I love you,” Jungkook says, as you return the sentiment before he disconnects.

You quickly change into your t-shirt, tying a rubber band at the back to create a crop top. You follow up by slipping into your denim mini skirt, not even taking a minute to check if it fits perfectly as you rush to find socks and matching shoes to match Iseul’s. The moment you’re dressed, you hurry downstairs, turning off every light as you make your way to the backyard, where everyone’s eyes turn to you.

“He’s coming, everyone hide!”

The position you were in was uncomfortable as hell, and no one seemed to be enjoying themselves. Iseul started to whine, complaining that her knees hurt from crouching behind the couch, which prompted Ye Joon to comment smugly that “she isn’t as strong as he is,” earning a loud “shhh” from Ari. The twins, Nari and Yeseol, were also not having it. Barely a year old, both blondes were already driving Eunbi and Yoongi crazy—you could hear Yoongi trying to calm down Nari from behind the kitchen counter, as she teetered on the verge of crying.

From your peripheral vision, you caught a glimpse of Aera and Namjoon making funny faces to distract Nari and keep her from crying. You also noticed Jiho texting on his phone, his brows furrowed in concentration. You tried not to laugh when Jia snatched his phone away, scolding him to “pay attention.”

Suddenly, your heart fluttered as you heard the front door open, followed by Jungkook’s familiar voice calling out.

“Baby, where are you?” he called, murmuring under his breath about how dark it was. He moved towards the light switch and flicked it on. Before he could react, everyone shouted, “Surprise!” as colorful confetti burst from poppers, flying everywhere and littering the floor.

“Oh, fuck!” he shrieked, clutching his chest in surprise.

“Happy birthday!” everyone yelled together, rushing forward to hug him. Iseul was the first to reach him, raising her short arms for her dad to pick her up. “Happy birfday, Daddy!” Iseul kissed his cheek as Jungkook smiled brightly, while Lora snapped multiple pictures with her camera. “Your shirt, princess,” your husband beamed, reading the words and poking her side, making her squirm. “You’re a hundred percent ‘Birthday boy favorite girl,’” Jungkook said, pressing a big kiss to her cheek, reading off her shirt.

“Happy birthday, my brother,” Taehyung and Jimin chimed in, launching themselves at Jungkook the moment he set his daughter down to greet everyone else. “Where’s my gift? I don’t think my wife would’ve let anyone in without a gift fee,” Jungkook joked, patting Jimin on the back.

“I was thinking about what to get you, and I realized you don’t need anything—you already have me. I even debated wrapping myself since I’m clearly the biggest gift in your life,” Taehyung said, making everyone burst into laughter. “Exactly what I thought too,” Jimin added, earning a side-eye from Taehyung.

“Just two dumb bitches telling each other ‘exactly!’” Eunbi mocked behind them, scooting in-between the boys to give Jungkook a hug.

“Hi, blondie,” your husband teases, poking your best friend’s side, before laughing at the words on her shirt. “Big dick back in town!” Jungkook guffawed, throwing his head back in laughter.

You watched with a huge smile plastered across your face as your husband finishes hugging everyone and complimenting their shirts. Once he had said his hellos, his eyes finally met yours. His grin widened, and he walked towards you. Feeling playful, you shifted all your weight to one leg and twirled your hair around your index finger, giving him an innocent look that made him burst out laughing.

“Hi,” Jungkook smiles, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer.

“Hi,” you smile back, tilting your head up to meet his eyes. He gave you a quick wink before leaning down to kiss you. Your eyes fluttered shut as you melted into the kiss, his lips moving against yours in a slow, agonizing pace.

Smiling into the kiss, he finally pulled away as everyone started whistling in the background.

“There are kids here!” Namjoon shouted playfully, watching as Jungkook stuck his tongue out at him like a child.

“You take my breath away every damn time, baby,” Jungkook says, turning back to face you and pressing a soft kiss to your cheek.

“Mhm, really?” you tease, raising an eyebrow at him. He chuckles, his gaze drifting from your shoes back up to your eyes. “Yes, really,” he says, biting his lower lip.

“Okay, we get it. You guys are in love. Can we go eat now?” Jiho interrupted, looking up from his phone with a bored expression, clearly used to this level of PDA, since his own parents were just as bad.

Everyone laughed and agreed, while Jiho earned a light swat on the back of his head from his mom for “interrupting a moment.” Lora shook her head in mock disappointment, quickly passing her camera to Ari to place on the marble table before ushering everyone towards the backyard.

“Happy birthday again,” you whisper to your husband, stopping him before you could join the others who were waiting to show him the bouncy house and decorations.

“Thank you, baby,” he voices out, his voice soft and serious, making your heart clench. “Always,” you reply, standing on your tiptoes to kiss his lips again.

“I like your shirt,” Jungkook murmurs just for you, his voice low and teasing. You bite your lip, meeting his gaze.

“I mean, it’s true,” you shrug playfully, watching the slow smile spread across his face. His thumb and index finger toy with your belly ring that you’ve just put back in, and he tilts his head with a grin. “I’m hoping I got a shirt and it says ‘I heart milfs’ to match yours,” he jokes, his smile faltering when he notices the way your lips press together.

“What does it say?” he sighs, bracing for disappointment.

“‘Birthday boy,’” you reveal, trying not to laugh as his jaw drops in exaggerated shock.

“That’s not fair! I was expecting something wild like everyone else’s. How does Eunbi get ‘big dick back in town,’ and I get ‘birthday boy’?” He pouts, and you can’t help but laugh.

“Well, aren’t you the birthday boy?” you tease, placing your manicured hand over his, resting on your belly.

“I guess...” He blows out a dramatic sigh, making you giggle.

“I missed your belly piercing,” he says softly, tugging gently on the teardrop ring in your belly button.

“And I miss your lip piercing,” you reply, brushing a finger over his bottom lip. “Please put it back in. Hopefully, Iseul doesn’t tug on it like last time.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” he groans, shuddering at the memory. Remembering how his daughter yanked on his lip piercing with all the strength a one-year-old could muster.

“Thank you for everything,” he says, hooking his fingers through the belt loops of your skirt and pulling you into a tight embrace. “I appreciate everything you do and more. I know this whole thing was your idea. Thank you,” he murmurs into the crook of your neck.

“Don’t make me cry,” you sniffle, feeling him press small kisses along your neck. Your hands rub soothing circles on his back, and you stay wrapped in each other’s arms for a minute, though it felt like only seconds. “I love you so much, baby,” he continues, squeezing your cheeks with both hands and forcing your lips into a pout before kissing them.

“I love you,” you reply, kissing his nose, making him chuckle.

“Is it bad that I want everyone to leave already so I can just spend time with you?” he whispers as you both walk towards the glass sliding door. “Lowkey yeah,” you chuckle, stopping at the door and looking up at him, only to find him already gazing at you.

“What?” you giggle, feeling shy under his intense stare.

“Nothing, just one more kiss, please. Count it as my early birthday gift,” he winks, leaning down to capture your lips again. You pull back with a laugh when you felt his tongue start to intrude. “Baby…” Jungkook whines, a goofy grin still on his face as he tugs you closer.

“Jeo—” you start, but he interrupts, kissing you again, this time swirling his tongue with yours. Your shoulders slump as his hands cradle your face, keeping you in place before separating with a small string of saliva connecting you.

“Sorry, it’s my birthday,” he whispers against your lips, before finally opening the sliding glass door and extending an arm to guide you outside. You roll your eyes playfully but let out a small yelp when you felt his hand smack your ass as you walked past him through the door.

“It’s my birthday,” he says with a cheeky grin, raising his hands in defense when you shot him a warning glare.

…

Everyone is drunk, and things spiral out of control quickly.

The moment Jungkook steps out of the house, freshly showered and changed into his matching t-shirt like everyone else, everything becomes a blur. After countless photos taken on Lora’s camera, you all eat, sing happy birthday, and Jungkook blows out his candles before cutting the cheesecake you made him the night before.

By ten at night, the kids are sent inside to sleep, and that’s when the chaos begins.

“You’re fucking lying!” Jungkook yells, eyes wide as Seokjin and a man lead a huge black horse through the backyard doors.

“Where’s my camera?!” Lora screams, looking around frantically.

“It’s inside!” Ari shouts back. Before you can react, a head of caramel curls dashes into your house.

"That thing is literally humongous," Namjoon mutters, running a hand over his face, his eyes slightly red from all the alcohol.

“You shouldn’t be talking,” Jimin retorts, eyeing Namjoon up and down, causing everyone to burst out laughing.

“You’re just mad you’re short,” Namjoon fires back, but you’ve already tuned them out, watching as Jungkook climbs onto the horse with the help of the owner.

“This is such a bad idea,” you screech, covering your eyes.

“Here!” Ari runs back out, handing Lora her camera. She immediately starts snapping photos of Jungkook, now balanced on the horse.

"Hold on tight, bro!" Yoongi yells as Jungkook wobbles before finding his balance as the horse starts walking.

"Baby, look at me!" Jungkook calls out, taking off his shirt, revealing his flexed muscles as he jokingly cracks an imaginary whip. Your heart skips a beat—stomach flips—half from how ridiculously handsome he looks and half from the fear that he might fall.

Lora, on the other hand, is in her element, snapping photos like her life depends on it.

“I wanna ride next!” Eunbi cheers, jumping up and down.

“I’ve never seen you this excited to ride me before,” Yoongi says nonchalantly, causing everyone to groan.

“Brother, eugh!” Hoseok fake gags, while Jungkook laughs from atop the horse. Eunbi’s face turns pink as she playfully pushes Yoongi, who apologizes profusely for his comment.

"Baby, can we keep it?" Jungkook asks, flashing you his signature doe eyes.

"Fuck no," you respond immediately, leaving no room for negotiation.

"You’ve only got an hour—make the most of it," you shrug, moving closer to the horse.

"An hour only?" Jungkook gasps, glancing at his friends as if they betrayed him. "Y/n didn’t want the horse, we had to compromise, lil bro," Yoongi says matter-of-factly, making Jungkook roll his eyes playfully.

"Come on, baby, let’s ride," Jungkook says, winking as he pats his lap, motioning for you to hop on, which earns a chorus of fake gags from your friends.

The hour passes in a whirlwind of laughter and screaming. Everyone takes turns riding the horse, which ends with Ari nearly face-planting, sending everyone into a panic—except for the owner, who looks like he’s ready to be done with all of you and head home.

"Shot! Shot! Shot!" the group chants as you down a shot of tequila, scrunching your face in disgust, earning more laughter. Jungkook rubs circles on your back as the cold liquor burns its way down your throat. "Fuck!" you exclaim, tapping your chest like it’ll help with the heartburn.

"You did so good, princess," Jungkook praises, tossing back his shot like it’s water, letting out an exaggerated "ah" as he sets the glass down.

It’s nearly two in the morning now. The horse is long gone, and everyone is utterly trashed. The guys, all shirtless, are slumped around the backyard, claiming it’s too hot—likely the alcohol talking.

"Five, six, five, six, seven, eight!" Eunbi shouts as the speaker blasts "Hot to Go," jumping onto a chair and belting out the lyrics.

"Here she goes," Taehyung sighs jokingly, watching Eunbi throw herself into the song.

"You’re her biggest opp," Aera comments with a smile as Jungkook joins Eunbi, copying her arm movements.

"Opp stands for opposite, right?" Taehyung asks, which sends everyone into another round of laughter.

"Opponent, dumbass," Jimin smacks him on the back of the head, snickering at Taehyung's widened eyes.

"Did you guys read the weight limit for the bouncy house?" you ask out of nowhere, standing up, suddenly eager to jump around.

"There’s a weight limit?" Daeun and Seokjin ask simultaneously, then look at each other. "Jinx!" they say in unison, making you laugh.

"Yeah, the person who rents them usually tells you," you explain, kicking off your shoes before climbing into the character-themed bouncy house. You barely stand up before everyone starts piling in.

"If anyone throws up, I’ll kill you—" Lora screeches as Taehyung accidentally shoves her, sending her face-first into the bouncy floor. "I’m so sorry!" he laughs, trying to help her up despite the bouncing of everyone.

"Guys, I think it might pop," Daeun warns, clinging to Jimin for balance. You try reaching for Jungkook but get launched across the bouncy house by the devil herself, Eunbi.

"Ah!” You scream, laughing as you tumble into Lora. The laughter doesn’t last long, though, as a loud pop echoes through the air. Everyone stills before panic sets in as the bouncy house deflates rapidly, and everyone scrambles to the small exit.

You all stand in stunned silence, staring at the flattened bouncy house sprawled across the grass. Despite knowing how much trouble you're in with the renter, you can’t help but laugh.

"Welp, happy birthday to me," Jungkook shrugs with a grin.

🐈‍⬛: @allie-is-a-panda @minghaosimp @nicolepvp8 @blaricee @parkinglot-nights @jmscaffeine @httpjeonlicious @jeonjungkooksbabamomma @army061313 @crazyovayou @thvvcut (idk why some don’t tag😔)

[itsastrobixch]

Astrology notes

- gemini / mercury / uranus / aqua change their identity a lot online. They place a lot of importance on their online identity and as they change so does their online personas.

- Mercury dominance if well placed Learnt to talk very early and saturn mercury aspects learnt to speak a bit late or may speak with a bit of hesitation.

- chiron in 1st have deep rooted identity issues and may also not be able to relax in photos and stuff. Some may even go to the extent of not wanting to take pictures at all.

- count yourself lucky if : air signs ask for your advice.. They don't ask option from everyone. Similarly if fire signs seek you out or show you their defeated side and depressed side. They Always want people to seem them as optimistic fiery and determined but like evryone they too go through down times but they tend to bounce back faster than others.

- Mercury saturn or Mercury rx may have great conversations with themselves in their heads but when it comes out it night miss the mark or.. Like not sound as good as it did in their brains.

- all mercury /gemini dominants open 3 to 5 tabs at the same time. And don't finish a single one completely. Change my mind.

- moon pluto tumultuous emotions. Whiplash. One extrene or the other. Mood changes just with a single event. The whole room can feel the shift as well. Moon and Pluto both give out unstable, watery and intense emotions. It can be difficult if negatively aspected. Even if positively aspected it can lead to the feeling overwhelming emotions.

- People with pluto in 1st, their emotions are hidden. No one knows how they feel. Mostly i see geminis get all the credit for their glib tongues. But have you ever seen a Pluto person toy with people when they know they truth ? They'll lie so effortlessly that even the people who know the truth will start to believe the lie is the truth. Their words and their facial expressions while lying is so controlled and natural it's scary.

- Asteroid Cerea shows is how we nurture. Aries ceres is the defender of the group and people who tend to protect people who are defenseless esp animals. Taurus is the comforter. And so on. But aspects and the house in which Ceres is in also plays a major role.

- Uranus / gemini in 3rd house have lots of ideas at the same time but many are unfocused and evrything is gone in a fleet. They may have a brilliant idea but Lose it in the next second. It'll be better if they scribble down their thoughts anywhere somewhere so they'll have a basic idea of what they thought.

- I fucking admire Aries women, esp as a Libra, like how tf..? i used to have a friend, she used to do some pretty controversial shit in high school but like never once let anything get iin her way and is now a part time business woman...like come on...how are you so headstrong ? And somehow things also tend to workout for them

- every mutable person has a box full of drafts all half done and of various types but all undone. Its a mess of ideas and posts half written and lost interest and motivation along the way...but I'll save it for another day when I will want to finish it up.

- If an air sign texts you daily, they like you. Especially instant replies . 🌝

- scorpio, and Venus Pluto aspects also tend to fall for someone who is out of their grasp. they like to torture themselves like that 😂 or they'll think that they don't deserve the person they're in love with. Its Always one or the other with them.

- venus neptune contacts produce the devoted worshipper type lovers. They will worship the ground their love walks on and will turn a blind eye to their faults. This is most definitely not a healthy patter of behaviour. Please don't indulge in this.

- mercury dominants can't fucking shut their brain off. they have a lot of nervous energy. And will Always be actively thinking about atleast two things at once.

- actually now that i think about it, my bffs in high are an Aries sun, me a sag rising and my frnd a leo sun. and i still wonder why the girls didn't like us 😂🌝 if fire signs get together whether they stir up drama or not, it'll either find them or people will hold them responsible for it even if they aren't.

- gemini and Mercury dominants can imitate very well especially the accents. Their adpative ability is out of charts and a bit creepy tbh. how they change acc to people, how they acclimatise to their surroundings ax cultures, they have this ability which allows to be another person if they like.

- mars - pluto negative aspects may have r*pe dreams often even if they haven't had any such encounters.

- pluto in 1st are ironically afraid of death and illness more so than the usual person.

- 11th house sign may show how we behave online.

-geminins have this weird ability to take and soak up information from all over the place and somehow put it together perfectly . they learn stuff from disorderly messes but they seem to understand it with clarity.

[holylulusworld]

Bad Santa (1) – Level 6 Naughty Lister

Summary: You’re an evildoer. This year, Santa is going to punish you. His evil twin brother has other plans.

Pairing: Santa!Ari Levinson x Naughty Lister!Reader x JackFrost!Steve Rogers

Warnings: naughty lister reader, mentions of being naughty/evil, talk about dildos and such, groping (reader), implied attended cheating, punishment, kinda kidnapping, strict Ari

Square filled for @fandom-free-bingo "Gingerbread Edition": Free Space

A/N: For my story, Jack Frost is Santa's twin brother.

Bad Santa Masterlist

Secret Santa. How you hate it. Christmas is made for commerce and pretending that you like the person in front of you. There’s no cheer, joy, or love behind all the useless gifts you exchange.

You blow out an annoyed huff as this year's Secret Santa hands you the gift she bought for you. Rolling your eyes, you ignore her cheery attitude. She’s so giddy and excited as if someone shoved a vibrator up her cunt.

“For you, Y/N,” she says and smiles. If looks could kill, she’d be dead by now. You try to ignore that the others clap their hands to cheer you on. “Open it. I hope you have lots of fun with it. I do.”

“Uh—did you already use it?” You cock a brow. Great, now you need to disinfect your hands because she gave you something she already used.

“No! Of course not,” she giggles, and everyone joins the laughter. “I bought you the same I got for me. I needed a new one, you know. I used it so much this year already.”

“Okay,” you try to sound as cheerful as possible when you rip the package open. When you open the box, you frown deeply. “Eww…is that what I think it is?”

You slide the gift out of the box, wrinkling your nose. How did she get the idea to gift you this?

“It’s a brand-new design. Food-safe and made of silicone,” she excitedly tells you. “It’s a new experience. I swear, you won’t need another one!”

“Uh—aren’t they usually made of silicone?” You look at the monstrosity in your hand. Well, you’re not shy or a virgin, but the dildo looks like you could fuck an elephant with it. “Mine are all made of silicone. I don’t know about food safety, though.”

“You already have one?” She whines and sniffs. “Oh, no. But you said you never used one before!”

“What?” You snort. “Marcy-Ann. I can’t count how many I shoved up my cunt,” you huff and put the dildo back into the box. “I don’t know if it’s a good gift for a Secret Santa, though.”

“Up your—what?” Marcy-Ann looks like she’s about to pass out. “No… you can’t…. Oh my goodness!” She fans herself with her hands and gasps audibly. “You’ll hurt yourself!”

“I like it rough,” you snicker while she struggles to stay awake. “I can tell; no one complained so far.”

“But—but—but what about the cookies and cake?” She tears up. “You can’t use it for cookies if you…” Marcy- Ann rips the box out of your hands. “You won’t get it!”

“Cookies?” You cock a brow. “Marcy-Ann, you naughty one!” You chuckle. “It’s always the quiet ones! I know you’re a kinky bitch! Using a dildo to make cookies.”

“Dildo?” She hiccups, and her lips wobble. “That’s a rolling pin! An expensive one, with silicone! You... you... I can’t believe you!”

“Rolling pin?” You wrinkle your forehead. “Why would you gift me a rolling pin?”

“Because I wanted you to start baking and join our club!” Marcy-Ann chokes out.

“Before I join a baking club and turn into a boring bitch, I’ll shove that rolling pin up my ass,” you say before snatching the box out of Marcy-Ann’s hands. “That’s mine.”

You storm off, laughing because Marcy-Ann starts to cry, believing you’ll abuse the poor rolling pin.

From afar, a pair of blue eyes watch your next step. You take the rolling pin out to seductively lick over the silicone surface. Marcy-Ann exclaims loudly while you are having a blast messing with her.

“That’s that,” you say and put the rolling pin back into the box. You’ll throw it away first thing before you leave the Christmas party.

“Ho-ho-ho! Who do have we here?” A deep voice purrs in your direction. It’s this year’s office Santa. He pats his thigh and calls for you.

He’s not bad to look at. Santa is tall and well built. The fake belly is missing; instead, he’s wearing a figure-hugging Santa costume. And what a figure it is.

His muscles strain against the red fabric, and your mind drifts toward something dirtier than candy canes and Christmas trees.

Santa has a medium-length hairstyle, with the hair parted slightly off. It falls around his ears, and the back just brushes the nape of his neck. His beard is not fake. It is a full but neatly trimmed beard, covering the lower half of his handsome face. The few gray strands just give him this silver-fox look you always liked in a man.

You drop the rolling pin and get a candy cane out from the pocket of your naughty Mrs. Santa costume. Which consists of a very short, flared-style Christmas dress with white faux fur trim at the hem and bodice.

You’re also wearing red thigh-high stockings with small bows and matching red gloves with white fur and gold bows. Your Santa hat is also red with white fur, matching the one Santa is wearing. 

Unpacking the candy cane, you smirk. Santa is watching your every move as you step between his thick thighs.

“Hello, Santa Baby,” you purr, and eagerly hop onto his right thigh, wiggling in his lap as he wraps his left arm around your waist to keep you from falling off his lap. “How are you doing?”

“Very good,” he replies, his voice rough and deep. “Thank you for asking.”

“Hmmm…” you hum and thrust the end of the candy cane into your mouth, slowly moving it in and out of your mouth. You moan and move a little closer to his crotch. “So, what are you doing here, Santa?” You lean your head against his shoulder and glance up at him. “I bet I can make you hard in no time, Santa Baby.”

His features darken as you place your hand on his thigh. “Do you want to get an even worse rank as a naughty lister?” He asks angrily. You only giggle and move your hand closer to his crotch to brush your fingertips over his clothed cock.

“Oh, Santa,” you purr and slide your tongue over the candy cane before sucking at it. “I was a very bad girl. Why don’t you get your rod out and punish me?” You lean closer to whisper in his ear. “I like it rough.”

Santa clears his throat. His hold on you tightens when your boss steps toward you. He watches you wiggle on another man’s lap and huffs. “I thought you wanted to come to my office, Ms. Y/L/N?”

“Later,” you coo and wink at your boss. He storms off, and you turn your attention back toward Santa. “You know, I’m going to ride his dick so hard it falls off.” You chuckle. “And, later, I’ll send my cum-coated panties to his wife. This will be the perfect Christmas gift for that uptight bitch.”

Santa squares his jaw. “You’re a very bad girl,” he growls and wraps his arm tighter around your waistline. You don’t mind, though. “You just reached the top of my naughty list!”

“YAY!” You giggle. “You know, she always walked around the office, showing off her designer clothes and that fat diamond ring. His wife believes she’s above us working women. I’ll show her that her husband doesn’t cherish her as much as she believes.” You kiss Santa’s cheek, your lips lingering on his skin. “If you want to, I can fuck you first. I bet you’ve got a magic rod in those tight pants.”

“THAT IS ENOUGH!” Suddenly the room changes. You’re no longer at the company but in the middle of a snowed forest. Santa drops you to the ground, and your knees hit the cold snow. “You are the most awful naughty lister this year, or like ever!”

“I’m the worst?” You snort. “Did you hit your head?” Huffing, you get back up on your feet to brush snow off your knees. You don’t care you ended up in a forest out of the blue. “What about all the criminals out there? What about guys hitting their kids and wives? I’m worse than all of them?”

He exhales sharply. “You are the worst of the normal people!” Santa yells, making you flinch.

“Bring me back to the company!” You growl and slap his chest. For a moment, you feel him up and admire his firm chest before you push him away from you. “I got a dick to ride!”

“You have to make amends first!” Santa yells. “I won’t let you get away with all the evil things you did.”

“You mean naughty,” you coo. “Crap, where’s my candy cane?” You look around the area, huffing because you lost your candy cane. “Great, it was strawberry, my favorite. You’ll get me a new one!”

“Maybe you can just steal it from another kid.” Santa quirks a brow at you. You gasp; he cannot know you stole the candy cane from one of your annoyingly loud neighbors’ kids.

“It was justified. If they keep us awake at night, I’ll get something sweet,” you giggle and push your hands into the hidden pocket of your dress to get another candy cane out. “Not every kid is nice.” You pout. “I complained to their parents more than once that their son is stealing my panties, and her daughter throws trash into my mailbox.”

Santa sighs. He gets a scroll out of his jacket. You furrow your brows because you have no clue where he hid the large scroll all the time.

Looking closely at it, it appears to be made of parchment or similar material. It’s decorated with a border featuring green swirls and small red ribbons. The text on the scroll reads Santa's naughty list.

Santa is holding the scroll while reading it out loud. “Y/N Y/L/N, Level 6 naughty lister. You just reached the highest rank.”

“Okay, that was fun,” you huff and wrap your arms around your body. “Let’s go back to the party. You did a great job, and I’ll give you a great review on Yelp. Come on, it’s cold.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Santa rolls the scroll back up and tucks it away. He steps toward you to grab your arm and bring you close to his chest. “You’re not going anywhere before you regret your sins and make amends.”

“Fuck this,” you scream for help when he wraps his left arm around you. Santa taps his nose, and suddenly the world is spinning; you scream even louder when you are suddenly high up in the air. “You crazy fucking lunatic! I won’t ride your dick! You fucked up big time…”

You are still screaming when Santa pushes you into another man’s arm. “Another one, brother?”

“This one is a level 6 naughty lister. She reached the top of my list,” Santa grunts. He’s had enough of selfish and naughty people this year.

“Let go of me, you fucker.” You push the other man away only to face the same man from before. “Fuck me! You... you are the same.”

“Nah, sweetness,” the new guy shamelessly roams your body with his eyes. “I’m Jack Frost, his twin brother.” He holds out his hand. “But you can call me Steve. That’s my name when I’m off duty.”

“You have a name?” You wonder aloud. “Does that asshole have a name too, or is he only getting off when people call him Santa?”

Steve laughs loudly. “That’s a new one, brother,” he snorts. “I already like that one. Can I keep her?”

“No!”

“What’s his name? I need to know to sue him,” you snap at Steve. “Come on, I don’t have all day. If you’d show me the way out. I got to go back to the party.”

“His name is Ari,” Steve replies and grabs your hand. “Sorry, but you can’t return to the human world as long as you do not regret your sins.”

You huff, frustrated. “Listen. I already lost my candy cane and missed out on a good dick tonight. If you do not let me go, I’ll make your life a living hell!” Looking Steve up and down, you decide to have some fun. You run one hand over his chest and down to his crotch to cup him roughly. “Maybe I can have a better dick, though.”

Ari growls your name when you try to seduce his brother. Steve always had a weak spot for human women and naughty listers.

“Steve, no!”

“Stevie, yes,” you purr, earning a slap to your ass from Ari. He drags you away, cursing under his breath as you throw insults at him.

Ari promises himself that he’ll turn you into a good girl, one way or another…He's Santa after all...

Tags in reblog.

[classofo9theflipsideremake]

Class of 09: The Flipside: Rewrite

Hey everyone! I’m a huge fan of Class of ‘09 and I’ve been thinking about how amazing the game could be with a bit of a revamp, especially after the direction the third game took. While I love the dark humor and over-the-top tone of the original, I feel like the third game didn’t really hit the mark for me (and I’m sure a lot of you feel the same way). So I’ve been working on an idea for a rewrite/remake, but with a fresh twist—turning it into an interactive YouTube series while keeping the same spirit and dark humor that made the first game so iconic.

Plot Overview:

The story would pick up after the Graduation ending, with Jecka as the main character. She’s been desperately trying to find a university that will accept her, not because she cares about school, but because (in her words), “I’m too fucking hot to work in a fast food restaurant, Nicole!” She calls Nicole at 3 AM, and together they find a “cool” fashion university.

It turns out Jecka has secretly loved fashion for years and even draws her own outfits every Wednesday when she barely talks to anyone��even Nicole! Most of the game would follow her experiences trying to survive at the fashion university, dealing with new classmates and the ridiculous world of high fashion.

While the cast is mostly new, Nicole, Ari, and Jeffrey all return:

Ari is now a confident head of the city Pride Parade and got into the university because of her work designing outfits for the parade.

Jeffrey is much less weird—he’s still into manga and anime, but his focus is on design and improving his art. He got into the university because his anime character designs have great anatomy.

Nicole got in by tracing Jecka’s work (I don't wanna get murdered by the fandom so I had to sneak her in the University SOMEHOW).

What Makes It Different:

Same Dark Humor: I want to keep the sharp one-liners and edgy humor from the first game. Think along the lines of the famous "I feel" conversation from the Nicole x Ari ending.

Character Growth: Jecka gets more depth, especially with her secret passion for fashion. Nicole will still be chaotic, but she’ll face new challenges trying to survive at a university where she doesn’t belong.

New Characters: Jecka’s new classmates would bring fresh dynamics and humor. Some could be rivals, others potential new friends.

5 Endings: I’ve outlined five endings, with a mix of success, rivalry, and even failure, all with the same darkly comedic twists that Class of '09 is known for.

Why Interactive YouTube?

I think the interactive YouTube format would be a cool way to bring this story to life. Viewers could make choices for Jecka and Nicole, leading to different outcomes—kind of like the original game but with the visual and comedic flair of a YouTube series. I’m aiming to create something that feels like it could be an official continuation, with all the humor, drama, and ridiculousness we love from the first game.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Does this idea sound like something you’d watch? Any suggestions for what you'd want to see from a Class of ‘09 remake? Let me know!!!

[bigtreefest]

Pour Clueless Babes

Pairing: Bartender! Curtis Everett x Reader

Summary: unbeknownst to you both, you and the broody bartender can’t help your want to be around each other

Word count: 1,751

Content/warnings: swears?, slight objectification and misogyny, attempts at hiding feelings, alcohol consumption, teasing from friends, a hint of idiots in love?, a small mention of Curtis’s rooftop herb garden, it’s mostly fluff and mutual pining

A/N: written for Siri’s Birthday Bonenanza!! Love you, babes, and happy birthday. @stargazingfangirl18

Comments, likes, reblogs, and asks are so appreciated. Thank you for reading!!

Prompts: Babe is in love and cranky about it + Character A is frustrated at how fucking oblivious Character B is to their advances + “I’m sure you could talk me into saying ‘yes’ to whatever you want.”

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Main Masterlist

“You just need to buck up and ask her out.”

Curtis rolled his eyes at his friend sitting in a lawn chair across from him in the rooftop garden, pairing it with a scoff before he took another sip of his beer.

“It’s not that easy, dude.”

Ari, Curtis’s longtime friend, co-owner and often co-bartender of the main dive in town shifted in his seat with a raised brow and tilt of the head. “Sure it is! You’re hot, and from the way you talk about her, so is she. I don’t see what could go wrong.”

Curtis grumbled and finished off his bottle, grabbing another from the bucket of ice and uncapping it. “A lot. A lot could go wrong, Ari. I don’t want a quick fuck and I sure as hell don’t have girls throwing themselves at me like you do on Friday nights.”

Ari scoffed, but had no rebuttal, it was true. Women flocked to Ari’s side of the bar, always creating a crowd where the regulars couldn’t get served. So Curtis took them, while Ari could be caught slinging dozens of fruity drinks for all the flirts who constantly mentioned how strong and attentive he was. The only reason Curtis didn’t complain was because they split tips, Ari getting several banknotes marked with phone numbers and salacious messages, and Curtis getting the peace of the calmer drinkers.

Sure, a woman here and there would come to Curtis for a drink, figuring Ari wasn’t worth the wait and the shoulder bumping, but that was few and far between. Until you.

From the moment he watched you walk through the door, he kept an eye on your searching gaze, smiling when you saw your friends, but making a beeline for him before you went and sat.

The next time you came up to him, though, Curtis made sure your drink was on the house. Anything for the pretty girl who smiled at him. Chose him. And was much more enjoyable than his grumbling regulars.

Curtis was pulled out of this thoughts by Ari’s groan.

“Listen, I don’t think women throw themselves at me…”

Curtis looked at his friend with disbelief at the blatant lie.

“…that much. Not that much, I was gonna finish, jeez. Plus, what’s it matter, it’s not like I take them home…usually. Sloppy drunk isn’t cute and too many of them just keep coming back until I cut them off. No one has chatted me up like they want a date instead of in my pants because all I get are googly eyes, but this sounds different for you. She sounds good.”

Curtis sighed and wiped a hand over his beard. Ari was right. You were good. Probably too good for him. Plus, it’s not like you even noticed any move he tried to put on you. You were probably just being nice, not flirty. You probably didn’t even notice the free drinks using special ingredients made from the garden, the rare smile he’s never given another customer. It was kind of infuriating that he was so ready to give himself over to you and you had no idea just how deep it ran. How it affected him and stayed on his mind even in the off hours. Guys had to be throwing themselves at you, and he was just another one to add on to the bottom of the list.

“Yeah, yeah, I just…I don’t wanna mess it up, ya know? Am I even ready for this? Why now? Why do I have to feel something now? And I don’t even know if she feels the same way!”

Ari only offered a shrug.

“I don’t know, man. When it’s time, it’s time.”

That’s all he gave. Curtis groaned and wiped a hand down his face, rubbing back and forth over his beard once again. “Yeah….it’s just…ugh. I can’t think of anything else. I’ve got all these plans for bar improvement. The herb garden is finally coming in nicely and I was gonna meet with those brunch people from the city to talk about expanding our offerings beyond the few ideas I’ve come up with, but I can’t focus on a goddamn thing other than her.”

Curtis was almost mad it was affecting him so much—that he looked forward to seeing you. Yearned to make you another drink, hold conversation just a second longer. Nothing had ever stuck to his mind this much.

Ari only laughed as he looked over the edge of the roof at the town where the two had grown up. Over all that time, he had never seen his buddy this torn up.

Pulling two more drinks out of the bucket, he uncapped them and handed one to his friend.

“Well, here’s hoping you get this all sorted out. And by that, I mean, get your big boy pants on, fully admit your feelings, and ask her out.”

Curtis groaned and threw a hand over his eyes while his best friend simply smirked, knowing he was right.

It was Friday night and you were hanging out with some of your friends at the bar you had been frequenting lately. Everyone around you was in deep conversation, but you were lost, zoned out, with your mind on only one thing: that gruff bartender.

You had already been up to see him three times this evening, insisting to be the one to get the next rounds for the table in hopes of garnering his attention.

You felt successful. Maybe? Every time you went up to him, his full attention was on you. And it looked like he was smiling, right? Well, no, he probably did that with everyone. Except…in the several times you had caught yourself staring at him, he never once made that same face at another customer. So it had to mean something, didn’t it?

You felt your shoulder shaking, pulling you out of your thoughts and blinked back into consciousness.

“What? What?” You shook your head and looked back at your group of friends.

Alana sitting next to you rolled her eyes with a laugh. “Your drink has been sitting empty for a minute, girl. We’re just surprised you haven’t gone back to the broody bartender, yet! Jenna said she dropped by and all she got was a scowl when she asked for green tea shots, but we see the way he looks at you. Think you could score us some good shots?”

You scoffed and leaned back in your seat, trying to deny what you felt, but didn’t necessarily see. “Oh please, I’m sure he doesn’t even notice me!”

The three girls across from you exchanged a glance before Jenna shook her head. “Um, wrong. One hundred percent wrong. I’m pretty sure you’re all he notices and he’s the same for you. Can’t believe you two are so blind to each other. You keep going up to him and you’re up to a total of what? Half a dozen free drinks over a few visits at this point?”

Everyone around you shared the same knowing glance and you were ready to concede. You couldn’t help the way your heart started beating faster with anticipation of going up to him again, but the alcohol flowing through your body, finally settling in, was enough to override any last ounce insecurity you had. You just wanted to be close to him that badly again, despite his apparent disdain for fancy shots. It was worth a try, though, so you sighed and nodded and stood up, saving your brain power so you could say something coherent to the beautifully beastly bartender.

As you steadied yourself in your shoes, the alcohol hit a little harder, but you weren’t going to stop now. As you began your steps across the wooden floor, your eyes locked with the man with the dark beard and buzz cut and watched as his deft hands slid another beer across the counter at a regular.

You waltzed up to the varnished bar and drummed your fingers on the edge as you looked up at the head between a towering pair of broad shoulders. If you’d have known better, you’d have said he was almost beaming at you.

“Hey sweet thing, what can I get you?”

A tingle went down your spine at that. You would’ve claimed it was the alcohol, if you hadn’t known that it usually numbed you instead of set your body alight. The bartender, who you’d come to know as Curtis, usually wasn’t that outright with the pet names. From what you had seen so far, he was pretty reserved. Something had changed tonight, though, and you couldn’t complain about that, so you threw it back.

“Well, handsome, I’m really sorry to ask this, but would you be willing to make me four green tea shots? I’m sorry if it’s a lot to ask…”

From your side, you heard a snicker, and your eyes found an older gentleman, likely one of the bar regulars. Curtis’s gaze had darted to him, too, except his eyes were stern. The gentleman knew that Curtis wasn’t usually one to make drinks with more than a couple steps, and especially not on more than one occasion in a night unless it was for someone pretty exceptional. And you seemed like both of those things. Curtis simply cleared his throat to regain your attention and pulled out the glasses before finding what he needed.

“Well lucky for you, I’m sure you could talk me into saying ‘yes’ to whatever you want.” He winked as he expertly tipped the bottles.

A blush crept up your cheeks along with the one the liquor had put there. You were gone enough on his behavior and your last few drinks that there wasn’t much to hold you back anymore before you blurted, “Does that include dinner with me next Thursday?”

Curtis stopped in his tracks, slamming the bottles down on the counter with a loud thud that startled you. His face was almost unreadable. Sure, before tonight, you felt like he may not have seemed interested, but in your small chats over drink orders throughout this evening, that changed. You didn’t read this wrong, did you?

You watched intently as his gaze which was fixed on the worn wooden table shifted upward to look at you through his eyelashes. Those gorgeous, long eyelashes. A true, genuine smile was on his lips. He had no idea you felt the same way as him. “Yeah. I think it does.”

Bonus A/N: bartender!Curtis will return in the second part of this, and we’ll see much more about his herb garden and secret treats for his girl. This is the first thing I’ve written in months, so cut me some slack, okay, but I’d love your feedback in all forms.

Taglist: @hawkeyes-queen @ronearoundblindly

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

Hyunjin in Relationships Astro pt.1

So, i'm making this into a series in a sense because this is long. AS. FUCK. And only the planets, their house placements, and the asteroids and their house placements. Not even aspects, or just simply what signs fall in certain houses.

So.

Tarot

I’d recommend reading my tarot reading first. So, first off quick disclaimer, Hyunjin's birthtime isn't confirmed, and his is one of those charts where it's important. His Sun and Moon can both be completely different. HOWEVER, I personally think having a Pisces Sun, Virgo Moon, Pisces Mercury, Pisces Venus, and Aries Mars suits him better as a whole lineup and it's pretty much a unanimous agreement on that. I also personally believe he's a Cancer rising, and if he was a Cancer rising born at noon he would have those placements anyways, as that's both the standard reading time and the Cancer rising time, and so I will read for him as if he is one. If he confirms his rising then I'll change it, but for now this is what we have.

So, first off, he has a strong drive to succeed and be recognized for his success. He knows what he wants, he knows he wants to do good at it, and he knows for a fact that he wants people to recognize that. With his sun in the 10th house, he definitely has very close ties with his public persona and even the persona he shows while working. How he outwardly portrays himself at the start is probably very consistent across the board.

Honestly, it would probably be hard to keep this a secret. Because of his sun being in the 10th house, I wouldn't be surprised if his relationship is outed by dispatch or something because he has a hard time keeping his personal life and work life from being so closely tied together. They always bleed together. Kind of like how his personal life is filled with SKZ who are his coworkers, or the bullying scandal that came out a long time ago that (While I genuinely believe was a two-sided conflict) did happen in his personal life when he was young.

He is very practical when it comes to his home life. He wants things to be perfect, and needs order and organization of the home. If his partner isn't neat, that can definitely start an argument. It stresses him out when things aren't perfect and his emotions go haywire. He also is a routine partner. I'm talking, the type of partner that even though they're all different, you're having your dates every Friday at 8:00 PM. He likes helping his partner in a practical way. He'll cook his partner meals, do the chores, and he just generally feels fulfilled helping take care of those he loves, especially his partners.

He likes to make sure his household is very harmonious, and generally his bonds are always very supportive on his end. He cares about his partner's well-being and needs a lot, and with this paired with his pisces stellium, he's very in-tuned with his partner's emotions. I'm talking he can notice slight shifts in your moods from like small details or just sense it. His mother is also probably very important to him, so if she doesn't have a good opinion on you...Time to kick rocks, I dunno what to tell you. Mama Hwang knows best. Now, he can be very very critical though. I'm talking criticizing your every move at least internally.

He's definitely the type who gets the ick extremely easily. Virgo moon AND a Pisces stellium? He creates fantasies and images of you in his mind that are simply impossible to achieve and when you inevitably don't meet them, it majorly puts him off.

He could also very easily not be in love with you at all but be with you for a while and act like he is. He could love the idea of you, or love the simple act of being in a relationship, he could love the love you show him but not you, he could love the image the relationship casts...Etc, etc. Being in a relationship with Hyunjin and being loved by Hyunjin sadly aren't always mutually exclusive.

Especially with him being an idol, I can definitely see him having a partner in Seoul that he sees only when he isn't promoting who doesn't have the time to necessarily shatter that image he so thoughtfully constructed, better yet if they're somewhere like LA where he isn't at often. Someone who can't shatter that image, someone he's still with so he's in a relationship like he always wants to be, someone who he can't be around physically often to scrutinize, someone who can fulfill that emotional need and show him love long-distance but he himself doesn't exactly love. He loves the image. The fact he's in a relationship. The fact that he's loved by someone. The fact that he can tell his group members he's in this relationship with the perfect person of his dreams.

He still doesn't love them.

Though he'll try his best to act like he does.

The people around him can still tell.

Hyunjin is also very particular about his partners going into relationships. He wants his partner to be attractive to him, which is fair. Looks matter to Hyunjin. They don't necessarily have to be conventionally attractive, though I do believe if his partner is perceived as attractive by a lot of people he'd like that (Though it'd also fan the flames of his jealous streak and mildly possessive behavior but that's a whole other section in and of itself). He appreciates beauty and art. He wants his partner to embody a beautiful art piece that'd come to life and chose him.

Now, Hyunjin is the romantic. He's also the hopeless romantic. Love is apart of who he is, and closely tied to his self-identity and life. He definitely believes in soulmates and is constantly trying to find his, and frankly he deludes himself into thinking every partner he has is his soulmate. He sees his partners through rose-tinted glasses to the point his partner could kill a man in broad daylight in front of a huge crowd and he'd try to justify it. (not literally but you get my point). He's the type who practically worships his partners, and elevates them to such high standards. (Probably attracts narcissists or egotistical maniacs because of it.)

He wants a perfect, fairytale type love. He wants to be the knight in shining armor (*Cough* Captain Save-A-Ho *COUGHHH*) but he also wants a mysterious partner who can always keep him on his toes and is constantly showing new sides of themselves, and taking him on new adventures. But in that same breath he wants a partner who's very vulnerable with him and who he can know emotionally very well, and know more things about them than anyone else does.

His wants for partners are probably extremely contradictory, so only someone who in and of themself is very contradictory in character could match it.

His relationships shape him a lot. Like if he was a character in a novel he would either be a Male Lead or Protagonist of a love story because of how much love impacts his life. His relationships shape his character, his worldview, etc.

I could see him being drawn more to foreign partners or partners with different religions since he's curious about different cultures, beliefs, etc. etc. Anything new and unique piques his interest. He also loves travel and wants to experience things outside of the bubble he lived and was raised in. His placements also indicate he meets partners through travel and are from different cultural and religious backgrounds.

But he also has troubles with commitment and for him love is a form of escapism. Maybe even uses relationships to cope with things? I'm not saying he's a fuckboy but if HE WAS, he'd be the type who gives and promises you the world, strings you along and makes you feel perfect and amazing and he truly means it too, and constantly promises you the relationship of your dreams, and maybe you believe you're truly together even if he doesn't ask you out, then he just disappears off the face of the earth and you never see him again. Cold turkey. That's what i'm getting here. AGAIN, not saying this happens but...Well, if he was a fuckboy that's how he'd be and I stand by it.

Also, he's extremely emotionally, mentally, and spiritually dependent on his partners. He will change every aspect of himself to try and fit the partner's wants and needs, and try to take on the colors of the people that his partner is close with or admires to the point he loses himself trying to be one with his partner and be loved by them.

In a relationship, Hyunjin would 100% be the best person to talk to about your problems. He listens quietly, and if you start getting emotional he's comforting and gentle, and truly empathizing with your emotions and being compassionate about it. The type who'll just hold you in your arms while you cry, telling you everything's going to be alright and promising you that things'll get better. (The only downside is he'll probably end up crying with you unless that's a plus for you). You can take as much time as you need and he'll be entirely invested with his heart and soul in what you're saying.

He also communicates in a way that gives you the most hard-hitting quote-worthy statements ever because it's so genuinely poetic. Like i'm talking his words are an art form in and of itself in certain situations.

But the only downside is he always feels like he needs to try and fix things. So if you're sad, he can't just accept that sometimes people just need to be sad, he'll try and find a way to fix it and will even shoulder the blame, even though it's just not something he can fix and not at all his fault.

If he's hurt...He can be very selfish and destructive. Like he's so wholly invested in you and pushes himself aside...Until he isn't. Until it's about him and only him and he goes from being so invested in his partner that he loses himself to only thinking about his wants and desires. If you get in an argument, he stops caring about how much he could hurt you near instantly, because your feelings be damned he needs to protect himself and he will.

He has a fucking temper let me tell you. He has THE temper. And you never expect it or see it coming. He doesn't stay angry for long, sure, but when he's mad he's mad and it's honestly a very scary sort of anger to witness.

Arguments with Hyunjin are bad for anyone's mental health to be honest. At first he'll probably be more hurt than mad and try to be very...Understanding of everything you say, and definitely try to defuse the situation.

Then he realizes you're not stopping and he starts crying either because he's genuinely upset or he wants you to shut the fuck up and it's a manipulation tactic. He starts playing the victim, and even if he isn't hurt he'll sure as hell act like you're attempting to verbally murder him, and if he is it's arguably worse because he plays it up to heaven and back.

And then things escalate. You say something that either really pisses him off or generally hits too close to home and all hell breaks loose.

Suddenly the tears are gone and he's screaming and he's good at it and he hits you with the most poetic, jaw-dropping, artful, creative insults and comebacks known to man to the point you stand there like "Wow."

Honestly, you're lucky you're his partner because if you weren't he'd curse you slap the fuck out. But you're unlucky it's Hwang motherfucking Hyunjin and he doesn't need curse words to make you feel like pure shit. He's way too creative in that aspect.

It's hard to truly get him to this point. Hell, you probably won't even if you cursed him out and called Bangchan a whore. But if you do, all the power to you babes. Anyone who has gotten Hyunjin beyond the point of no return...I was about to say qualifies for financial compensation but honestly if you got him that mad you probably deserve it.

There's no relationship after that point unless you're the pushover though. Because the shit he says would warrant the messiest breakup known to man.

He will criticize everything about you. He will use your emotions that he's so in-tuned with against you. He will scream and shout and break shit.

Granted this is him at his breaking point but still.

But on another note this man is in fact the life of the party. I'm talking the two of you will be the last people at the club because he's still partying and having fun after everyone calls it a night. He's the type of person who has gatherings with friends that're supposed to end at 7:00 but somehow you're all there until midnight and no one minds because they're having fun and he's so infectious.

Dates with Hyunjin will be fun. They'll be romantic but they'll be so outside of the box that you don't know if there was ever even a box in the first place. Dates are definitely planned and initiated by Hyunjin, as are most relationship milestones because he's so hot-headed and impulsive.

Like he meticulously plans out your first kiss, wants it to be something slow and romantic under the stars on a picnic date with candles and good food.

Then the real first kiss is him tonguing you down in the car right after he got gas because you were looking especially kissable and it's definitely hot as hell but not at all what he had planned.

He's very, very protective.

Controversial opinion: There's no way he can't fight. Because let's be so real here, his temper combined with his mouth means on the rare occasions he isn't the one that starts swinging someone will 100% swing on him during arguments. And practice makers perfect.

But yeah, he's a very protective person. Also very territorial, and borderline possessive. Like...I was going to say not in a toxic way, but possibly in a toxic way. Like he doesn't view you as property, and you have your own autonomy, but it's also like he views you as part of himself, so naturally you're his, so naturally there's no boundaries in fucking sight because you're not you're own person you're part of this little unit.

But with that being said, he's a very stable and trustworthy person. He's loyal to those who he loves and cares for to the point where it's a detriment to himself. He's charismatic and funny, and he can unintentionally charm the shit out of you without intending to just from being himself and speaking his mind. Because that's how he is.

He expects those things in return though. He expects trust, and loyalty, and a mutual respect in all of his interpersonal relationships. When he trusts, he trusts. When he's loyal, he's loyal. He's kind of like a dog in that sense? He trusts and he trusts because he's just that loyal, even if you hurt him beyond repair he still never stops fully loving and trusting you. And it never stops him from loving and trusting others. Because he's just that kind of a loving person.

He's also very generous. He'll probably spoil his partners a lot, buying them whatever they want and helping them out with whatever they may need help with.

He works hard in all his interpersonal relationships and is constantly trying to improve himself for the sake of things. He values bonds that last for a long time. His taurus Jupiter + Saturn mixed with his pisces stellium honestly is probably the reason why he has said he likes drawing older couples and why he believes that love should be something long-lasting and eternal, and why he'd prefer being someone's last over their first. And honestly i'm living for that.

In relationships he likes to have that emotional depth and someone who can stimulate him intellectually. He likes his relationships to be free and equal, and he likes to ensure his partners are aware of just how unique they are. He probably doesn't stick to traditional gender roles in relationships, and instead acknowledges that people have personal preferences that shouldn't be dictated just by gender. (Though there are obviously some things he likes doing that are more "masculine" roles, and some things he'd prefer his partner to take up that are more "feminine" roles but it's less about the gender part and more about the personal preference part)

Gives me malewife energy though in the sense that he probably enjoys doing a lot of things people would traditionally expect a wife to do.

He wants someone who he can grow with, but also someone who gives him room to be an individual. He naturally gravitates towards changing himself to please his partner, but will also develop resentment towards them if they're just constantly changing him and changing him, especially if they're not even changing or growing themselves.

He wants to be with someone who's his lover and his friend. Someone he shares ideals, visions, and goals with. He has an issue with learning the balance of giving and taking in relationships though. He just gives, gives, gives, gives and never bothers to take in return. He needs someone who can teach him it's okay to take, to ask his partner to do things for him or this that and the third instead of only acting almost as a personal maid waiting on his partner hand and foot while expecting nothing in turn.

His ideal lover is 100% someone he can finally be Hyunjin with instead of a franken version of himself. Someone that's his comfort zone and can return all that love, care, and affection he pours into his partners so readily.

That's not what he attracts though.

He attracts pushy people who do things he didn't sign up for. I'm talking about three dates in they show up at his door with their bags saying they sold their house to live with him because it's "better for the relationship". People who are overly involved in his every move and breath, and are definitely EXTREMELY toxic levels of possessive. They treat him like an object. He can't do this, he can't do that, he can't talk to this person or interact with that person. He attracts the type of partner that he needs to call just to get permission to order food or has to call and show the entire room he's in and its other occupants using his phone. The type of partner who knows 0 boundaries. The type who after inviting themselves to live with him completely changes the entire space to what they think suits "them" better. They want to be his everything and want to be his "Comfort Zone" that he craves but really has the opposite effect and it's overbearing and suffocating. Wouldn't be surprised if he's had partners who've tried to distance him from the group because they're "too close" (They may or may not have been successful I dunno)

He wants someone who awakens that special spark in him and knows him more than anyone else seems to. He also likes his partners to be very family-oriented. He likes peaceful relationships where he and his partner cherish one another. He likes making his partner feel amazing and likes making them feel like a god/goddess. Very forgiving and wants to do things that's in the best interest of his partner before things that are in his own best interest.

Pt. 2

[babyspacekwid]

Astrology Observations and Advice ✨ (TW talks of ED)

From a non professional astrologer who has no idea wtf she’s posting half the time 💕

Chiron 4th house in Capricorn, Your dad may be very hard on you, like a perfectionist dad. Could have also been abusive. Could be the type to comment on your shortcomings. Remember that you are enough as it is, don’t be so hard on yourself, treat yourself as you would a friend. With compassion and kindness. Its okay to make mistakes in life. It’s common to have daddy issues with this placement, so try not to let that affect your love life, this is a personal placement of mine😜 rlly into toxic men, but they ain’t good for me, so let us be aware of that. Don’t take life too seriously, do the serious shit without being too serious about it. Idk if that makes sense but for example, let’s say u got a math test, do the math test seriously, like study and shit but don’t let the stress of it consume you because it rlly ain’t that serious.

Aries moon, especially men y’all’s temper is unregulated af. Ive seen y’all snap at stuff that energy shouldn’t be wasted on, y’all are one of the most emotionally reactive signs I have ever met. Like a ticking time bomb. This moon sign might have experienced a mother figure that was harsh and emotionally neglectful. Very hard on you, wasn’t that nurturing when raising you. The type of mom to tell you to get up and wipe the dust off when you fall and scrape your knee as a kid. y’all gotta delve into those emotions in a healthier manner. Therapy and journaling could be very beneficial. Go to one of those rage rooms where ppl break shit, I feel like y’all would go all out. There’s definitely some pent up anger. This goes for Scorpio moons too, y’all is more internal though, got some deep dark thoughts and intense internal feelings that could easily overwhelm which is why downtime is needed.

Speaking of some Scorpio moons I have met, don’t let your trust issues fuck things up. This a hard placement, y’all feel things so deeply, but just cause one person backstabbed you don’t mean everyone will. Open up to people, trial and error and you’ll find that person. Obviously set boundaries and don’t just trauma dump on everyone you meet, but don’t build an invisible wall as soon as you meet someone. Not everyone is out to get you.

(TW) Taurus risings I’ve met have dealt with some type of eating disorder. Could have had family members or people comment on their weight as a child or just got rlly influenced by the negative parts of social media. Every taurus rising I’ve met has dealt with body issues, y’all are actually so beautiful though, and I’m sorry you don’t hear it often,no matter the size. You guys are also so photogenic, like maybe I’m just the type of person that sees human beings as cute in general but istg y’all could be making the ugliest of faces and I’d still think it’s charming 😭 my best advice would be to stop comparing yourselves, and to learn unconditional love towards your body at every stage it’s at. We’re gonna be 60 and wrinkly anyways, might as well enjoy what it can do for you now!

I have this friend who’s a Capricorn sun and moon, and as a Gemini sun and moon myself I feel so similar to her in like every aspect. Idk if it’s because we’re both born on a new moon, but anyways, this girl needs to learn to open up😭 like hun I wanna be your shoulder to cry on, don’t get me wrong she will vent, and spill the tea, but when the waterworks come out she’d rather isolate. I’m just like naurrrrrr, come back. I might not be comfortable with tears and shit but il awkwardly pat your back and listen to you. Either way y’all don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, you aren’t a burden and you can’t deal with it yourself. Stop trynna convince yourself that you can. Humans are social creatures and our primal instinct is to receive and give love. M

ANYWHOOOO y’all I rlly ain’t that knowledgeable about this shit, I’m rlly going off my friend’s placements (and mine). I am studying astrology tho so maybe one day 🤠 but I got the memory of a goldfish so it might take a while, I appreciate everyone who’s been liking my posts though THANK YOU💕💕💕💕

[zer0brainc3lls]

my safe haven tmr headcanons 🫶 (also random ones)

All of these are sweet, will make angst ones tho 🤭 Newtmas included ofc

- Thomas blushes super easily

- Brenda loves heavy metal

- newt writes to cope, just about his day and whatnot. (This is sorta canon in crank palace but i think he would continue to write if he lived)

- when Thomas & Minho get drunk together they get up to the most INSANE activities it’s not even funny

- If newt & Brenda are drunk at the same time they bet who is going to get injured first 😭

- minho LOVES Halloween. Absolutely LOVES IT. His costumes are phenomenal every year

- newt is SO GOOD with kids, the kids in the safe haven gravitate towards him and they all love him 100% (uncle newt?!?)

- Thomas on the other hand is like so bad with kids, has absolutely no idea how to talk to them 😔 the kids 100% ask him 2863382 times a day “are you uncle newts boyfriend?! :O” and he has no clue how to respond

- Minho teaches the kids curse words on accident 💀 he would like fall over or something and go “OW FUCK” and they would copy him, newt has scolded him so many times for this

- speaking of Minho and cursing, HE CURSES ALL THE TIME. THE MOUTH ON THAT MAN. It somehow gets worse when he’s drunk

- R.I.P Brenda you would’ve loved thick and crazy eyeliner

- Sonya made matching bracelets for aris and Harriet, aris accepted immediately 😭 Harriet sorta raised a brow but accepted as well but she NEVER takes it off. EVER. Aris on the other hand has lost it so many times, and freaks out every time he does

- Sonya will braid anyone and everyone’s hair. She knows so many hair styles it’s actually ridiculous 💀 she doesn’t remember learning them though. :[ (when she and newt were taken she would brush & braid the other girl’s hair like her mum taught her)

- aris slowly comes out of his shell in the safe haven, and every time he does something “bold” Sonya and Harriet silently cheer for him

- Newt and Sonya got REALLY close in the safe haven, they clicked like instantly and helped each other heal :) “she’s like a sister to me!!” “He’s like a brother to me!!” Is used OFTEN. (Little do they know.. ☹️)

- When Newt is extra pissy his accent is way heavier, and Thomas already being into his accent as is when newts mad at him.. I’ll just give you an example:

Newt *oblivious*: THOMAS WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!?! YOUR SO DULL SOMETIMES I SWEAR-

Thomas *face hotter then the sun, sweat dripping down his face*: Uhm-

Minho & Gally *with popcorn*: *watching the whole thing go down while holding back tears of laughter*

- newt never practically had a favourite flower, he thought they were all equally beautiful until one day Thomas came home with a sunflower, gave it to him and said “oh this reminded me of you” let’s just say after that day sunflowers were his favourite.

- frypan immediately knew when Thomas and newt first started dating, when he realised he went up to Thomas, patted him on the back and said “so you finally got together huh? Good job man” and walked off leaving Thomas SHOCKED

- if Teresa never betrayed everyone Newt and her would’ve been BFFS. “I remember when you liked Thomas I was so mad” “I was mad at you too!!” “REALLY?!” *whilst making flower crowns*

- Newt loves to read and this is common knowledge, Brenda also loves to read & wears reading glasses and one day newt caught her and she was like “if you tell a soul I’ll kill you. Wanna read together?”

- Newt = ambivert + Thomas = ambivert

- Newt LOVES tea and Minho gives him so much shit for it 😭

- Minho would be the type of guy to carry around a speaker and blast white girl music

- karaoke night once a week or two, Brenda and Minho sing barbie girl ATLEAST ONCE every time

- Thomas is still incredibly smart, like really smart but there is never really opportunity’s to show it ☹️ but like Newt will lead him a 600 page book or something thinking he won’t finish it and like 2 days later Thomas is like “I finished it! Yeah it was really good I really liked-“ goes on a full in depth analysis

- Newt is autistic 🙏🙏 (if yall want a whole headcanon list just for this I will do it because I’m autistic myself and would love to do that lol)

I hope yall enjoyed my ramblings 🤭 I’m gonna post more but the next one will mostly be post death cure, how they cope and how everything has effected them etc etc so angst

[lefeminin]

Astrology Observations (Cardinal Rising Sign Edition)

Below are my observations based on personal encounters with people who are a/an xyz rising.

1. I have only met 2 Aries risings in my life and boy were they bold. When I first met them, I felt as if I had to keep up with what they have and who they were. I’ve had on and off vibes with them just because of how impulsive they were. When they get to decide really well, where things are put through and their minds are at a ‘calm before the storm’ phase, they really get what they deserve but when it’s the total opposite, they can be such a mess and suddenly the world turns black and white for them. It’s so up and down. They’ve got a pretty rbf too and when you get to know them, they’re so spontaneous and loving by nature. I noticed that they get gossiped a lot too and some of those things I heard are literally far from being true too like there was this one time, one aries rising friend of mine had been gossiped around, saying she was bullying one of her friends in her own circle and it came out to be a lie after a year and the truth was actually the opposite 😭 it was such a messy thing back then. She was so furious about till now but she has forgiven everyone involved in it already. Her damn big heart.

2. I don’t think I have ever met a Cancer rising before but there was this guy who gave off so much of that energy or character—appearance wise. He was so selfless, friendly, and fun to be with. At first, I thought he was genuinely just gonna be a quiet person but nope. We’ve gotten close and he’s now laughing and crying a lot lol. He’s also the type to sleep during the day too and stays awake at night for who knows how long. It’s like he’s the total embodiment of a moon who just stays up at night instead of sleeping. I also noticed how he’s only extra goofy when it’s night time but only when he feels like it. He loves to stay at home so much his friends just comes over a bunch of times to hang out. His home is extra cozy too so it’s really cool. Are any cancer risings like this too? I just don’t really know lol.

3. Next, Libra rising babies! I only know one who has this as their ascendant and they’re my favorite person ever. They’re just so easy going, smart, and charismatic! They’ve help me with my confidence too. They just radiate soft and ‘I have your back’ energy. They love taking pictures of every moment too and I find it really cute about them because they just wanna store memory and have it as a reminder of how everything are well spent. I swear, they have so much grace in them. And yes looks can be deceiving, some of them are really cunning to the core too. But that’s only when they’re sensitive spots are provoked. They’ll give you the taste of your own medicine for sure.

4. There’s only one Capricorn rising I know and it’s one of the people I’ve been friends with for so long. They’re so low maintenance as a friend and I love how they just know what they’re talking about every time. Most of the time they get misunderstood and mistreated for no reason but I think it’s just out of others’ insecurities or issues projected onto them most of the time. Not that this is generalized for every capricorn risings but this does happen to this person a lot. The only thing they can do about it as a response is to not give a fuck actually. They stay on their grounds and remain poised no matter what. They absolutely know their worth despite how life has been a dread to them at such an early age. High on privacy. “What you see is what I allow” energy. They’re also obsessed with the idea of finding stability and living life to the fullest too. That’s why money is heavily associated with capricorns in general bc of that and it’s a lot of pressure.

[kmmachilles]

heres the list of my favourite shadowhunter couples from all the series (not including twp for obvious reasons) bc i cant sleep

TID: Gideon n Sophie. I KNOW KNOW EVERYONE LOOVES HERONGRAYSTAIRS I DO TOO THEYRE MY HEART ND SOUL but gideon n sophie man. cmon. theres sweet hurt sophie that thinks men like gideon r assholes bc of her former employers son and will, and gideon REINFORCES that by constantly talking in spanish while hes actually absolutely down BAD for sophie. she thinks shes not good enough for him, her being a mundane 'servant' and 'ugly' from her scarred face and him being the eldest son carrying the great shadowhunter lightwood name. and then hes just there ordering scones to his room just to see sophie, and ending up stashing them under the bed bc he doesn't even LIKE them. and pretty, smart sophie, although FURIOUS at first, goes 'so yea u dont like scones. what about SPONGE CAKES???????? THEYRE MY SPECIALTY' and then he falls so in love with her and proceeds to tell everyone hes marrying her before even proposing to her. i love them.

TLH: Alastair n Thomas. i love love love them not only their pair but them as separate characters too. esp bc the two didnt have the kind of shit the other ships had to deal with like james n cordelia were 'OH HE LOVES GRACE BUT I LOVE HIM / OH I LOVE GRACE BUT IM MARRIED TO CORDELIA / I SHOULD RUN AWAY W MATTHEW / fuck im in love with cordelia.' and lucie n jesse were like 'IM IN LOVE W A GHOST WHO'S THE SON OF A WOMAN WHO HATES MY FAMILY / shes only in love w me bc im a ghost and she likes writing stories so im one of her stories SHE DOESNT REALLY LOVE ME BUT I LOVE HER BUT IM A GHOST SO I CANT *REALLY* LOVE HER PROPERLY LIKE SHE DESERVES' and ari and anna were like 'OH I LOVE HER BUT I WANT KIDS SO I'LL MARRY CHARLES WHO, BTW, IS GAY :3 / OH I LOVE HER but im a stony heartbreaker women, lock your daughters and then yourselves im coming after you / oh my god i cant marry charles I LOVE YOU ANNA TAKE ME BAACK / ha! im stony heartbreaker.' and we all know the problem w matthew n cordelia, and alastair and charles AND grace and christopher (my heart stopped beating i swear to you). like i know Alastair and thomas definitely HAD to overcome some shit but Thomas KNEW he liked guys and alastair and alastair was pr sure about it too so when they got together, they GOT together ykwim??? no hanky panky. plus theres also the 'thomas-is-basically-michelangelos-david' so yea. no brainer. theyre my fav.

TMI: Alec and Magnus. okay so this is for both obvious reasons (fan favourite) and some other personal ones. Living where i do, i had no idea you could like the same gender as yourself or ltr anything about the LGBTQ+ community at all. These two were the first gay ship i had EVER read and they are what lead me to be as confident in my sexuality as i am right now. they introduced me to the concept of thinking beyond what i was told or shown by the people that surround me and look into the world the right way, without projecting judgement. i love them for that. theyre my comfort characters and the one of the biggest reasons i am who i am right now. also magnus is pr much why i adore glitter and i manage to put it on my face every other day ahaha

TDA: Diana n Gwynn. a very, very close second is Mark n Cristina n Keiran. but about Diana and Gwynn, they literally have my entire soul im not even kidding you. Gwyn is the first person Diana opens up to about her transition and its honestly so heartwarming that Gwyn, the leader of the Wild Hunt, known to be vicious and feared by faerie, is literally just there for her to lean on. He supports her and is so, so calm and soft with her it genuinely melts me. like, this man is basically the reaper of souls and he rides a magnificent steed into the night but hes so gentle with Diana. obviously my obsession w them is reinforced by the fact that the FIRST time Gwynn sees Diana he goes 'O' and is all like 'HELLO my fair lady beautiful one gorgeous strong lovely lady' and gives her an acorn like 'call me ;)' and diana my love just, THROWS the acorn to julian and emma and goes 'do w that whatever u will' and acts like she doesnt care and when they call on gwyn he comes to help nd immediately goes '...THAT WASNT FOR YOU but ig i'll help bc ur the magnificent lady's brats :/'

so yes thats it. now pls, whatever fucking ghost is haunting me with these thoughts, PLEASE LET ME SLEEP

[i-have-a-wonky-eye-too]

Hihi! I was wondering if you do a Jake Jensen x reader since he doesn't get enough love!! Something like, readers pretty hypersexual and all over Jake. He adores reader to the ends of the earth, but is a bit hesitant bc he doesn't think he'd be good enough for them. Jake has no idea how into him reader really is until they get it on!

If not that's totally fine! Have an awesome day!!! >O<

You make nerd sexy... (college!hockeyplayer!Jake Jensen)

Warnings: 18+ readers only, swearing, slut shaming, horny reader, oblivious!Jake Jensen, mentions of seeing Ari's package, violence, mean!Ransom Drysdale, self-doubting, college guys being jerks

"Thanks again for the help, Jakey." You smiled sweetly at him before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Jake smiled back, hoping the blush on his face wasn't visible to you or his hockey teammates as they watched your interaction from the sofas with knowing smirks.

"Uh, no problem, Y/n. You know I'm always here to help." He answered as he opened the frat house door for you.

"Well, I best be going-"

"DON'T FORGET TO INVITE HER!" Bucky shouted over his shoulder.

Your brow furrowed in confusion as you looked at Jake.

His eyes widened momentarily before he sent a glare towards Bucky. He cleared his throat and ran his hand up the back of his neck. "Oh, right, I almost forgot," He chuckled nervously. "We're uh, having a victory party here Saturday night, after the game. You wanna come?" He smiled at you.

Your lips stretched into a grin. "I'd love to, Jakey... Although, arranging a victory party before you've even played is very assumptious of you." You raised your eyebrow at him playfully.

He shook his head with a sigh. "It's their idea." He nodded towards the others as they watched you instead of the slutty music video that was playing on the TV.

You giggled, "Figures."

Steve gasped dramatically. "You don't think we'll win, Doll?"

"I just think it's bad luck to assume, that's all." You smiled and looked at Jake.

He nodded, "That's what I said." He rolled his eyes making you giggle. "Will, uh, you be at the game?" He asked as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Of course she'll be at the game, Jakey... Y/n's, your personal cheerleader, ain't ya', Doll." Bucky winked at you.

You nodded. "Of course I will." You smiled at Jake before looking down at your watch. "Shoot. Gotta go, Jakey... Meeting, Nat and Wanda." You leaned up and gave him one last kiss on the cheek before running out the door waving goodbye to the rest as you did.

Jake closed the door with a sigh before turning around as he ran his hand over the back of his neck.

"Pathetic." Steve muttered stopping Jake in his tracks.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard." Steve shook his head as he sat back in his seat, his attention returning to the TV.

"Leave him alone." Sam said as he stood up from the couch stretching and turned to face Jake. "But he's right."

Jake frowned at him. "About what?"

Bucky rolled his eyes with a huff. "About the sexy little kitten that practically humps your leg any time she's near you."

Jake's brow furrowed, "Who?"

"Y/N!" All the guys shouted.

"You telling me you don't see it?" Ari asked Jake with a bewildered look.

Jake shook his head and shrugged. "See what?"

"How much she's into you." Ari said. "Because she's really into you, dude."

Jake scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous. Y/n's just friendly... She's just my friend." Jake said, thinking about you.

"That you and every other guy wants to fuck." Ari smirked as he rubbed his hand over his crotch.

"I wouldn't mind getting some of that snatch." Lloyd smirked and high fived Bucky.

Jake rolled his eyes, used to the guys constantly talking about how much they'd like to fuck you. If he was being honest, he hated it but you were his friend. What could he do?

"Jake," Sam stood in front of him and put his hand on his shoulder. "That girl wants you and you need to do something about it before someone else beats you to it."

Jake shook his head. "You're being ridiculous." He pushed Sam's hand off him. "Y/n doesn't want to be with me."

"RIGHT!" Steve jumped up from the couch startling Jake. "I'm going to fuck her then."

"What?" Jake's eyes widened as he began panicking. He really didn't want Steve to do that.

"I'll see you fuckers, later." Steve winked at Jake as he walked past him and headed for the door.

"Hold up." Bucky quickly followed. "I want to fuck her too..."

"Me too." Lloyd said as he too followed Steve out of the door.

"And me." Ari grinned as he patted Jake on the shoulder.

Sam chuckled. "Told ya." He gave Jake one more pat before jogging off out the door behind the others that followed Steve.

"Where are you going?" Jake asked him.

Sam held his hands up. "I kinda want to fuck her too, man. Sorry."

Jake silently cursed himself as he closed the door, standing in the quiet frat house. He really didn't like the idea of any of his friends trying to get with you. "Damn it." He huffed and pulled the door open. "WAIT!"

------------------------------------------------------------

"Relax, would you, you look cute." Nat smiled at you as the two of you stood at the bar with Wanda.

You looked down at your outfit and smiled.

"I do, don't I?" Your brow furrowed. "So why hasn't, Jake, made a move?"

"Because he's a stupid hockey playing boy." Wanda answered making you and Nat laugh.

"Listen, if Jake's too stupid to do anything, even after all your not so subtle hints, then pick one of the other stupid hockey playing boys to fuck." Nat smiled.

You groaned. "But I don't wanna just fuck, Jake. I like him."

Wanda's brow furrowed as she rubbed your arm. "I know, sweetie, but Jake's stupid. And a girl has needs."

"Needs that any of those hockey players would be happy to fill." Nat wiggled her eyebrows making you and Wanda laugh.

"Who knows, maybe Jake would finally do something if you were to sleep with one of them." Wanda said.

You hummed. "I dunno... Who would you pick?" You asked her.

Wanda thought about it for a second. "Steve's cute I guess... And Sam..."

You nodded and looked at Nat.

She screwed her face up in disgust. "Ew, you know I prefer the cheerleaders." She winked.

You rolled your eyes with a smirk. You looked down at your drink as you thought, "... Ari."

"Ari?" Both Nat and Wanda asked shocked.

You nodded. "Ari."

"He's the complete opposite of, Jake." Wanda said.

"Exactly... And, I have it on good authority he's packing." You smirked to yourself as you played with your glass.

Nat squinted, "How do you know if Ari Levinson is packing in his pants?"

You giggled, "A few weeks ago, I was at the frat house studying with Jake, and went to use the bathroom. As I opened the door, Ari was getting out of the shower... He be packing." You smirked at her as you held your hands up to show just how big Ari was.

Wanda's mouth fell open. "God damn." She smacked the bar. "Why are you so fixed on hooking up with, Jake, then?"

"Because he's sweet and kind." You smiled, "... and as much as Ari is nice and has a big dick, he's a terrible boyfriend. Much rather put his dick in everything than commit to one pussy." You huffed.

Nat nodded and out her arm around your shoulders. "Girl, maybe you need to just let Ari do what he does, to you for a while and forget about Jake."

You nodded. "Maybe..." You sighed, "Excuse me. I need the little girls room." You said before leaving the bar.

Nat and Wanda looked after you with a sigh.

"You really think, Ari's, that big?" Wanda asked looking back at Nat.

Nat shrugged and looked towards the door. She nodded towards it, "Ask him."

You opened the restroom door with a sigh and walked back into the bar to stop when your path was blocked by one of you regrets. "Move, Drysdale."

Ransom shook his head with a chuckle. "C'mon, babygirl, don't be like that." He stepped closer and looked down the top of your dress. "Remember how good I used to make you feel?"

It's true, Ransom Drysdale, knows how to fuck. But you'd already been there and weren't interested in going back any time soon.

"Yes, and I also manage to feel the exact same with my dildo." You smiled at him as his friends laughed before pushing by. "Let go, Ransom!" You pulled your arm, trying to get out of his grip.

"You're being a brat." Ransom hissed.

"Not, intrested." You smacked his shoulder with your fist.

"Everything okay here?"

You gasped, looking over your shoulder at Ari, smiling thankful at him.

"This doesn't concern you, Levinson, back off." Ransom spat at him.

Ari glared at him, puffing his chest out and using his bulking figure to tower easily over Ransom. "It involved me the moment you started hassling this little lady, Drysdale."

Ransom started laughing. "Little lady? Dude, she's a whore."

You gasped and snatched the beer out of Ari's hand, throwing it in Ransom's face before you brought your knee up into his groin. "Fuck you, mommy kink!"

Usually you weren't one to kink shame (you had plenty yourself) but the little bitch deserved it. It was no secret you enjoyed sex (a lot), but you didn't go around sleeping with everyone you ran into. Yes, you were a whore but only for whomever you were with at the time.

Ari slipped his arm around your shoulders with a smirk and guided you away from Ransom and back to where the guys and your friends had moved to. "You owe me, Princess." He teased making you smile.

"Sorry."

He shook his head with a chuckle, "Don't worry... I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me." He winked at you making you blush.

Jake frowned as he watched you laugh with Ari. Why did it have to be him?

For the rest of the night you sat beside Ari, the two of you slowly getting drunk as you chatted and laughed with one another. At some point Ari slipped his arm around your shoulders as you rested your hand in his thigh.

"So, have you told dumbass over there about you sneaking a peak at my dick?" He asked referring to Jake, smirking as you gasped and playfully tapped his chest before giggling.

"I wasn't 'sneaking a peak', Ari." You rolled your eyes at him. "And no, I haven't."

Ari hummed. "Why not? You don't want him to know how much you drooled?" He teased.

Your eyes widened as your mouth fell open. "I did not drool!" Okay, so maybe you did a little.

Ari's head fell back with a laugh. "You so did..." He winked at you as you blushed. "Don't worry, little lady, I'm sure if dumbass over there knew, he would finally make a move."

You looked up at him with a furrowed brow and a pout. "I doubt it. It seems like everyone else can see, except him." You frowned.

Ari hummed. "I don't know how he can't see..." Ari looked down at you and began smirking. "Y'know what might make him see?"

You shook your head as you looked up at him. "What?"

Ari's smirk widened. He reached up with his free hand and pinched your chin with his thumb and index finger. He leaned in close and pressed his lips against yours, slipping his tongue in between your lips as you opened your mouth willingly. You ignored the hoots and hollars from your friends as you let yourself get lost in the kiss.

He pulled back from you with a deep breath, smirking proudly as you chased his lips. "Fancy pretending we're getting outta here and having some fun?"

You bit your lip and glanced over at Jake. He was sat glaring at the two of you.

Ari leaned in and kissed your neck. "It'll really piss him off... Might even bust the door down as I make you cum." He said with a shit eating grin.

You let out a soft laugh and slipped out of the booth, holding your hand out to him. Wanda was right, you did have needs and if Jake wasn't going to make a move then you might as well let Ari do his thing. "How far are you willing to go, Mr Levinson?"

Ari grinned and took your hand. "As far as I'm needed to, to help a friend out." He winked at you. He slipped his arm around your shoulders and the two of you began to leave the bar walking by Jake as you did. "Bye, Jakey." He winked at him.

The moment you left the bar the cold night air hit your warm skin, quickly sobering you up.

"How long you reckon before dumbass comes out here?" Ari asked as you walked down the street.

You shrugged.

Ari looked over his shoulder back into the bar and smirked as he saw Jake walking towards the door. "Trust me?" He asked you.

You laughed. "No."

Ari chuckled and pushed you into the opening of a alley nearby. He crashed his lips against yours as he held your waist. He slowly moved his left hand down your hip and to your thigh, hiking your leg over his hip as he devoured your mouth.

"Can you stop." Jake spoke from behind Ari.

You broke apart and looked towards him, Ari chuckling as he did.

"And why would I do that, Jakey? Someone's gotta look after her snatch." Ari said as he looked back at you. 'Trust me', he mouthed.

Your mouth fell open. "Jerk." You pushed on his shoulder.

Ari laughed again. "What? You know that's all this is, Princess. Your an easy fuck, everyone knows it."

"Hey!" Jake pulled on Ari's shoulder. He pushed him away from you, "Don't speak to her like that, Ari."

Ari laughed again. "C'mon, man. You didn't want her so she's far game."

"You know that's not true." Jake glared at him.

Ari scoffed. "Let a real man fuck her if you're too chicken shit."

You let out a startled gasp as Jake's fist collided with Ari's face. "JAKE!" You called out.

"Touch her again and I'll fucking kill you!" Jake turned to face you and grabbed your hand pulling you out of the alley before you could check if Ari was okay.

Jake was silent as he marched you all the way back to the frat house. "Upstairs. Now." He ordered you as he headed into the kitchen. You opened your mouth to argue as he opened the freezer and grabbed some ice. "NOW!"

You quickly ran upstairs to his room and sat on his bed, unsure what to do. You'd never seen Jake like that. He was usually so calm and collected. Even on the ice he never lost it, that's why he was such a good goalie. He focused and ready to strike at all times.

Jake walked into his bedroom, softly closing the door behind him, barely able to look you in the eye as he sat down at his desk. Silence settled between you as he held ice to his hand.

"Are you hur-"

"We're you really going to sleep with him?" Jake cut you off.

You rolled your eyes. "Of course not."

"So why leave with him?"

You huffed. "Why not? No one else was going take me home." You folded your arms across your chest. "Why do you care?"

Jake shook his head as he kept his focus on his hand.

You drew in a deep breath and stood up. "I'm tired, Jake."

Jake nodded, "I can get you an Uber or-"

"Not like that, Jake!" You huffed. "I meant with you. For months I've tried to let you know how I feel but you just brush it off. I don't know if you're too shy or just don't see or, you don't care, but I like you Jake. I really like you. But I'm tired of waiting for you to do something." You stared at Jake, waiting in silence for him to do something.

He just stared at his hand not speaking a word to you.

You closed your eyes to stop yourself crying, already feeling humiliated enough. "Fine then." You turned around to grab your bag from his bed. "I'll see you around."

"I love you."

Your mouth hung open slightly as you turned to face Jake with your eyes wide. "What?"

He groaned and dropped his head onto his desk. Shit. "I mean... I," He sat h nched over fir a few seconds as he tried to collect his nerves before he sat up and turned to look at you. "I like you too... A lot... But, I'm no good for you. I can't be with you. You're way too beautiful and smart and sexy... For a guy like me, who's a nerd and a dumb hockey player... I'm just not good enough for you, Y/n... I mean, you were going to sleep with Ari, and you were dating that Drysdale kids. I'm nothing like them."

Your brow furrowed, "Oh, Jakey," You sighed softly and walked over to him. You carefully sat in his lap taking Jake by surprise. You wrapped your arm around his neck as you smiled at him. "I know you're nothing like, Ari or Ransom, and that's why I like you. You're smart and funny, and you don't see me as a hole to fill... You've never judged me for, having a healthy appetite for sex."

Jake blushed making you smile.

"Jake," You cupped his cheek and turned his face towards you. "You're not a dumb hockey player. You're nothing like the other guys. And you're not a nerd," Jake gave you a pointed look making you giggle. "Okay, so you are a nerd, but you make it sexy." You smiled sweetly at him, making him blush even more. "And I wasn't going to sleep with, Ari. He was just... helping us out." You smiled at him. "You owe him an apology by the way."

Jake nodded. "I know." He looked down as he placed his hand on your knee.

"Jake," You whispered and lifted his gaze to meet yours. "I really like you."

Jake began grinning at you. "M'sorry I've been so dumb."

You laughed at him. "Just kiss me, Jake."

He nodded. His eyes fell your lips as he licked his lips before he closed the gap between you and pressed his soft lips against yours. His large hands gently kneaded your thigh making you moan against his mouth.

A startled shriek left you as the rest of the team barged into Jake's room, blowing party whistles. Sam pulled you off Jake's knee as some of the guys jumped up onto his bed whilst blowing their whistles. The others grabbed Jake and hauled him up off his chair. Steve, Bucky, Lloyd and Ari each grabbed a limb and began to throw him in the air like they do to each other after a victory.

"PUT ME DOWN!" Jake called out mid air looking a little green.

"This is what you get for punching me, you dick." Ari laughed.

You rolled your eyes and folded your arms across your chest. "Can you boys hurry up. I kinda wanted to suck his dick."

Tags: @hawkeyes-queen @boringandbored @lewisroscoelove @fangirlfree @am-i-rite-ladies @calimoi @wintasssoldier @gh0stgurl @chrisevanseagletattoo @hcaldwell016 @coffeebooksandfandom @tenaciousperfectionunknown @talesofadragon @sebsgirl71479 @summersong69 @montycantsin-blog @moonlover-tobefree @mm677 @hereforthemarvelidiots @samyess @mischiefmanaged21 @yiiiikesmish @marigoldreamer @rediscoverd1-23-blog @like45 @shoegal73 @gmintchoco @hufflepufftruffle @buckybarnessimpp @ihavemyhusbandfandoms @imaginelover88 @innersublimefurry @mjey12 @thorinsmistress13 @fuckyouwithkindness @angelmather1 @aprilspage @g-c-e @multifandomgirl2018 @shamalamadingdong @stillthatbetch @coochieslut @evieshifts777 @ndover425 @dontbescaredtosingalong

[violetganache42]

Highlights from tonight's movie night celebrating some of the different teams Donald has been a part of in categorized and chronological order (I honestly like this format. I might stick with it):

"Boat Builders":

Good news: The short has subtitles! Bad news: They're not in English, so you still can't understand what the fuck Donald is saying.

Donald: "Yeah, even a child can do it!" Godfrey: "Even Della could do it!"

justaboot: "god's third choice after the 3 stooges"

Max's mother has been found

"The First Adventure!":

Bradford Hate Club

Ludwig appearance!

puffywuffy8904: "he's serving whatever the opposite of cunt is" WriteBackAtYa: "So di—"

(I love this screenshot. 😂)

The reference to Della's letter

WriteBackAtYa and I being on the same wavelength

Eat the rich uncle (Sorry, Scrooge, but I had to. XD)

"You can't mute me, old man!"

RIP Donald's guitar

The Temple of Doom parallel!

PAPYRUS

"Treasure of the Golden Suns" easter egg!

"fragile old body"

POGO CANE

Black Heron doing the smug anime girl laugh (You know what I'm talking about.)

"I'm the chosen one!" Pure Deweycore

"So long, suckers!"

Just Black Heron in general (She's a fun villain. lol)

DONALD KILL

Us ranting about Bradford using the Papyrus of Binding to escape like the COWARD THAT HE IS! WHY WE OUGHTA— COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE—

If I had a nickel for every time Black Heron lost her robot arm, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

Me: "BEAKLEY YOU FOOL" Godfrey: "YOU FUCKING FOOOOOOOOL"

"The House of the Lucky Gander!":

Louie "I do hate hot dogs" Duck noticing the neon lights shaped like a hot dog

"We're all gonna die! I'VE WASTED MY LIFE!"

Launchpad deserves his own episode dedicating to his love life

Gladstone Hate Club

Scrooge looking at the camera like he's on The Office

puffywuffy8904: "gladstone you have a haircut shut up"

Huey autism moment

Just how bored and tired Dewey, Webby, and Scrooge were after seeing Aquarioon

Dewey and the jade tigers

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

27!

Webby's love for chocolate fountains

"And a distraction."

Scrooge: "I don't even get to be part of the blasted challenge?" Huey:

Real-Life-Pine-Tree: "Roasted duck anyone?" Me: "'Danny: I'll have the duck.'"

Louie's motivational speech

"Where did that come from?"

Us @ Liu Hai: RIP bozo (at least until DuckTales World Showcase Adventure)

The underwhelming Golden Cricket and how fucking bored and exhausted the family was

"Mt. Fuji Whiz":

LotTC basically being DuckTales on crack

Me: "Hell is a city. Where have I seen that before? 🤔" Godfrey: "Hazbin Hote—[gunshot]"

My idea of Clinton and Webby bonding over Clan McDuck history

Missy thirsting for Panchito

The return of the Ari the Autism Bird!

Xandra and the nieces in general (They're some of the best characters in the show. ^^)

*The Three Caballeros are stuck in the Underworld* AMJ: "We have a very simple solution." DT17!Huey: "This doesn't feel simple."

Jack Skellington moon

Donald saying the Karen phrase

Xandra and Charon clothes swap

Panchito being "that" guy

The Sheldgoose family tree taking notes from Goofy's family tree regarding the relatives' designs

IN THE PLUMS!

Clinton hugging Donald 💖

Tokyo? LIKE IN DUCKTALES!

"Potatoland":

Dreamy: "SEE HE HAS 27 FINGERS" Me: "27!"

POTATOLAND! POTATOLAND!

"Mickey, I am fed up with your bullshit devil magic."

Praising Mickey's characterization in the Paul Rudish shorts

Donald's blush

No more Idaho

Just the whole short in general. It's the best. XD

"Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers":

Black Arts Beagle's Musketeer cousins

puffywuffy8904: "they wanna be Scrooge soooo bad"

Donald being, and I quote Jamie, "a punk bitch" in this movie

The return of Pete Hate Club

"Whoa, he's bisexual, I didn't know that!"/"By the way, I'm bisexual! I forgot, I- forgot to announce it! How do you turn this shit off- wait-"

The entire opera gag

Clarabelle appearance!

Dreamy pointing out the parallels how Pete is to Minnie what Bradford is to Scrooge

In the Hall of the Mountain King

"Why did the music stop?"

"Together, we'll save the princess or die trying!"/"…Die? …Die?"

melcat33: "Minnie discovers she's into bdsm"

WriteBackAtYa and I quoting Philip CD-i Legend of Zelda

The turtle trying to be the rooster from Robin Hood at one point

"That little diddy's starting to grow on me."

Pete referencing The Lion King

Donald FINALLY unleashing his iconic temper

melcat33: "Goofy finally being Dad Material" WriteBackAtYa: "But he was daddy material"

(Look what you made me do! /lh)

Pirates of Penzance

"Not long… maybe… 40 years?"

The movie ending with the fucking Can-Can

Learning about how Tokyo Disneyland had Mickey, Donald, and Goofy as the Three Musketeers and they all looked AMAZING (Why does Japan get all the cool shit?!)

[alsoanyways]

@transgender-scout @1ight wait fuck now i have to compile them okay okay okay i have a feeling this is gonna get long so I'm gonna put it under a cut haha but for real thank you for asking!!

First things first! This is how I imagine the flock is able to disguise themselves. There's no going undercover at an actual school for them, but I don't think anyone's looking twice at a bulky coat, especially if it's set in the future. Not too far in the future though, still in the 21st century. I have no ideas for a plot restructuring or anything, I never read past Nevermore and I barely remember anything past the fourth book, so most of my headcanons are character dynamics and such. I do have some that aren't focused on the flock but not many. Anyways.

(also idk if most of this can even be considered headcanon bc its basically fanfic at this point)

A couple things I should've added to the design post are Toto's Total’s nonexistence (I'm sorry if you like him but I do not lmao) and the fact that their hair is feathers. Like those very fine and very long feathers that roosters get. The flock also doesn't develop superpowers.

In my version of things, there's a small town close-ish to the E shaped house. Far enough that no one in town is gonna drop by for a visit, but close enough to fly down to for some groceries, which they'd do after Jeb left and until the money was gone. I think he would've taught them how to forage for things and that's how they get by since then.

Max (21) isn't The Leader TM either, I think leadership is shared more with Fang/Friday and Iggy. She likes volleyball and usually the one to go foraging. She's never thought about it but if she did, she'd probably consider herself agender.

Fang/Friday (22) gets his name from a Friday the 13th DVD cover, Jeb thinks he wants to be called Jason when he first points to it. He used to help Nudge/Dora and Angel with their hair when they were little and still does occasionally. He likes to draw and he's the go-to when someone needs to be comforted. There's no way in hell I would let him be anything less than bisexual.

Iggy (20) is the one that probably hears Friday's voice the most. He was also taught braille and Jeb got them a labeling machine. He's still the best cook and he's very protective over the vinyls/tapes/cds in the house. He mourns the loss of them when they have to flee the house, but he is excited to finally have access to new music. He's also gay. Because I said so.

Nudge/Dora (17) still wishes she could live a normal life, but has accepted that it's just not a possibility. She clings to "Dorothy" when she learns it. Being talkative and into fashion are still part of her character, but now she also loves bugs. She tags along when Max goes foraging so she can try and get pictures of any new bugs she hasn't seen before. Friday often gets to hear which bugs and what they were doing when they're sketching together.

Gazzy/Gizmo (14) gets his name when he watches the Gremlins movie for two months straight and starts mimicking the mogwai noises. He almost kills everyone when he mixes a couple cleaners from under the kitchen sink. He's quickly enamored with the chemistry books he's given afterwards. Like any other teenage boy, he likes video games and has too much energy for his own good. Max offers to race him when he's particularly amped.

Angel (11) is the only one out of the group that wasn't experimented on and she doesn't get the protectiveness or why they never go anywhere. She likes sitcoms and never refuses an offer to forage with Max. She also took a liking to helping Iggy cook things. She was very quick to tell people she wasn't a boy once she had the vocabulary.

Ari (15) has chronic pain. Being turned to goo and rebuilt into something different will do that to you. It doesn't get better the second time. Nor the third. He used to live in the E shaped house, before Jeb brought Gizmo, back when he was a regular kid. He's always liked animals, caring for them. He wanted to be a farmer or something when he grew up. After he joins the flock, he and Gizmo are fast friends. (Watching him and Gizmo dick around is what makes Friday realize that he really is just a kid.)

Maya/Em (21, kinda) my identity issues queen!! Cloning keeps the original memories intact and then they were further messed with to ensure her allegiance. She has a hard time coming to terms with that, with not being Max, not being who she thought she was. Her friends aren't her friends, she didn't watch Gizmo and Angel grow up, she didn't go to Friday after another nightmare, or call Dora to come catch a spider. That wasn't her. Having time away from them before she joins the flock helps. She renames herself Em during that time, distinct enough from Max but not removed from it completely. She learns that she likes cooking and she discovers cheerleading. She thinks she'd like that if she got the chance to participate. She's also aroace. She wants nothing to do with any of that.

Dylan (21) sticks closest to Em, but he eventually grows close to Iggy as well. They share a soaring/gliding wing shape and Iggy is grateful to have someone who can fly as long as he can (recreational flying is always cut short in his opinion, because the others have to work harder to stay airborne and get tired). Dylan likes to tinker around with motors and mechanisms, trying to get them to work again or building them from the ground up. Not that he has an abundance of opportunities to do that, but being able to fix a busted car comes in handy. He's one of them gays that can drive.

Lastly, I do have ideas on Erasers and different classes of them and their usages but jesus christ this did in fact get very long and I need to go eat something lmao so that'll have to be a separate post for another time.

[starfxkrinc]

I think I remember u talking about this on your old blog, but what do u think each obx characters big 3 is??

oop okay ive kinda maintained my ideas on them!!! fuck what the character book says theyre wrong (for most)

john b is absolutely a leo i agree with chase on that. but he's absolutely a libra moon, sag rising. while leo suns are super loyal, the moon and sag combo make him susceptible to outside opinions and his feelings are easily hurt.

pope is not a virgo...sorry jd but hes a cap sun, cancer moon, virgo rising i think pope deals with a lootttttt of bad karma which is v saturnian. but he's sensitive! he's also kinda judgmental and has no problem calling his friends dumb in nice terms lollll

jj is NOT an aries...he's a gemini man he's so fuckin mercurial he can talk his way out of everything even when ppl know he's lying they just let him get away with it. aries moon aries rising. super quick to anger but it'll fizzle fast, needs to be seen and heard 24/7

kie isnt an aquarius she's a cancer. again more sensitive than ppl give her credit for but i believe she's a pisces moon aqua rising. the aqua rising makes her seem more detached than she actually is but these are 3 signs deeply concerned with humanity and the collective.

sarah my libra queen...cancer moon, libra rising she's just a very venusian girl people go insane over her and like half the time shes just in her own little dreamland in her brain i love her bad

cleo my OTHER libra queen shes def aries moon gemini rising again once you break down those layers she's a very sweet and humorous girl also very quick on her feet but cares soooo soo deeply