#arent likely to see them again so it feels like unfinished business

[sirotras]

ok now that ive actually finished veilguard

i rly did love it!! and also hate parts of it unfortunately :/

the environments are gorgeous, they did an excellent job balancing story and exploration. the gameplay is so fun, i was worried about the combat changes but its great! (i still wish the player character had access to more abilities at once but w/e), the music was great

the downside comes from the writing. it just feels so... shallow? there's so much material in the areas and topics of the game, but they didnt engage with that, and it makes the world feel watered down, or glossed over. its like the game is avoiding dealing with any subject thats too complicated or messy.

it makes me feel like none of what we saw was fully covered! what do you mean the game is over, we havent really dug into this! which sucks bc i doubt they'll be retreading any of this territory in future games :c

the antagonists, aside from solas, were also by and large, really flat. again this feels like its another symptom of not really engaging with the material in a meaningful way

but actually what really gets me is ending that post credits stinger (which... no comment.) with "the veilguard remains vigilant" as IF we're gonna see these character in a major part again!! dragon age doesnt do returning protagonists even when it might actually make more narrative sense

[artheresy]

I have like very very specific feelings about Blade and Dan Heng’s dynamic/complicated situation and of course by extension the situation that occurred between Dan Feng and Yingxing and it’s like super particular, not in the way I think I’m objectively correct or fully indulging in fanon but a secret third thing. And the worst part is that I quite literally cannot for the life of me verbalize/write down my feelings and viewpoint to the full extent

They are just so complicated and full of so many tropes I love and it oof, it hurts very deeply. I like just reread the Passerby of Wandering Cloud relic set and I’m hmmm

I will say something as best as I can, I will never stop thinking about “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion.” In general that whole relic set wrecks me emotionally on a scale that I haven’t had since I read Stormbringer from BSD. They have such a complicated dynamic and I enjoy it so deeply, and see the thing is that they have such contradictory feelings that I don’t know the direction Hoyo will take it in but I am strapped in for the ride either way.

Also theres something like this fixation certain people have on separating the two and fixating on how they’re on their own paths AWAY from each other and I just,, I can’t understand that fixation because first off, even without talking about past selves, just talking about the current selves, the connection between them is extremely important when it comes to characterizing either of them. That is a significant part of their characters and where they currently are and a refusal to acknowledge that even without any shipper goggles confuses me. Additionally, as I brought up before, “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion” even as Blade and Dan Heng rather than Yingxing and Dan Feng, their paths are destined to cross. Given the earliness of the Xianzhou arc, heavily doubt this is any kind of “eventual reunion” as said by the relic seeing as its not like this is the first time they’ve met and those weren’t the this spoken of reunion. And additionally, I can’t help but think about Dan Heng specifically whether with knowing intent or not, carries multiple tokens of his past from the bracer itself to the jade pendant to literally Cloud Piercer. The weapon that makes him feel safe and yet he also has unfinished business with the creator

Speaking of that line, I’ve seen some people who think that he knows Blade made it. I personally heavily think he doesn’t know, given word choice to how he feels about it etc. But hmm I wonder if we’ll see what happens there. And that voiceline is just yet another thing hammering home how these two are destined to continue to have their paths intertwined.

And I’m trying to find the post again but I saw someone talking I think about the translations of the relic lore for that set and referring to the whole Pairs of objects line and they talked I think about how that statement is not meant to merely represent the actual objects but more so to represent Dan Heng and Blade themselves which may have been obvious from the start, but after reading that I felt like someone had expanded my mind and I can’t stop thinking about it, I can’t

Anyways anyways, I don’t think these two are by any means solely characterized by each other and they shouldn’t solely be seen as only existing in proximity to the other, but I don’t get people who for some reason hate the idea of them being connected in any manner bc of hating ships that they outright disregard and deny like key important parts of their canon. I mean people will do what they do and there’s no reason trying to put logic behind every single thing or whatever, but maybe that’s also just because I feel insane about their lore and again have this specific idea and view of them in my head. Maybe I’ll be able to put it into words better one day

Everything I ranted about arent even the full extent of my feelings about this particular topic regarding them. I just feel so specifically that I don’t know how to put it in words. If only sounds alone could convey my thoughts

Theres so much more I could rant about, so much more I could say but its like 4 am and I cant properly formulate thoughts without tangents starting in the middle of them

[dovewingz]

ok heres my ghost/unfinished business au nobody asked for. it doesn’t have a solid plot or anything yet lol so its more like a string of ideas

summary: actually im just quickly adding this because these notes are A Bit Long. basically after hollyleaf kills ashfur he becomes a ghost instead of going to starclan and they get stuck together. this becomes especially apparent after hollyleaf runs away into the tunnels and gets lost (fallen leaves isnt there in this), so she and ashfur have to work together. it was made for the laughs (because the trope of two enemies being forced to work together is Funny to me), but it definitely has some angst/character growth potential and thats what i like in my stories :)

everything stays the exact same up until ashfur’s death

so a little while ashfur dies, he wakes up in the living world and quickly realises hes a ghost

for a while he just wanders around aimlessly, but there comes a distance where he cant go any further. when he tries to travel past a certain point, his wound really hurts (as tho it were fresh) + bleeds blue ‘blood’

while hes discovering that, hollyleaf is back at camp freaking out because she can feel fresh blood on her paws and the fur around her mouth feels damp (even tho she already washed herself clean). she assumes this is her guilt/trauma manifesting itself

something something something thunderclan find ashfur’s dead body + bring him back to camp. he follows them and realises that nobody can hear/see him (although hollyleaf seems to tense up everytime he says something. hmmmm)

he gives up on trying to push past the magic barrier and stays in thunderclan in hope things will sort themselves out or smth. he avoids holly at first bc to be honest hes a bit scared of her. occasionally it feels like shes looking directly at him which freaks him out

maybe like half way through the moon (since he died on the night of the gathering) he finally approaches her. hes in the middle of insulting her probably when she yells at him to shut up !!!!! which Definitely shuts him up momentarily because Wait You Can Hear Me????

holly is trembling + panicking, begging ash to leave her alone. she assumes this also isnt real/is her guilt n trauma manifesting. the rest of thunderclan are very confused/concerned. it all results in holly running out of camp and ash following her

insert emotional scene/fight where ash is trying to explain himself but holly is panicking so much that she attacks him. her paw swipes/claws over his neck wound which causes him to quite literally disappear. ashfur is suddenly gone and holly starts to calm down

a little while later ashfur blips back into existence. ‘what the fuck’ he thinks and immediately goes to find holly again 

alright alright thats as much ‘solid’ plot as ive got. here are some other ideas that will be worked in tho

holly gradually becomes less panicked by ashfur being there (partially bc it becomes more obvious that he isnt an actual threat, just a nuisance). however she does continue to believe he isnt real for a while

this is a contributing factor to her revealing the truth abt her parents at the gathering, cause she believes it’ll some how ‘set her free’

ofc this plan does not work as after she runs away, ashfur is there in the tunnels with her. but now hes actually stuck with her bc they are genuinely lost in the caves. in this au there arent many exits and fallen leaves isnt there to guide her

(idk what happens to fallen leaves in this but the important thing is hes not in the tunnels with holly. ive left some ideas for him below for my fallen leaves fans)

so basically over time holly/ash realise that this is some ‘unfinished business’ stuff and that they HAVE to help each other if they wanna stop being stuck together

its kind of like purgatory/punishment for ashfur (helping the cat he tried to kill + who killed him) and then also a way for holly to deal with her Own family issues

also yes holly essentially reenacting his death/attacking his wound makes him disappear for a little while. he literally just blips out of existence. this is very annoying, for him

and yes also the ‘magic barrier’ is dependent on where holly is. ash is tied to her. idk how far out he can go before hes kept back but he probably cant leave the caves

at some point holly will find the exit but quickly realise that shes not ready to return to thunderclan yet. an emotional, heart-to-heart moment for them or whateva

while these notes have been very general/a bit serious i do wanna say that i initially created this au for the laughs. like ashfur is so very annoying & holly is deeply done with him. it really is just the trope of ‘enemies being put into a room and having to work things out’

i guess its a bit of an ashfur redemption au which i know is not everyones thing. i wouldnt call it a ‘everybody forgives the bad guy!’ au tho and more ‘bad guy realises that he messed up and learns to be better’ with a bonus of ‘enemies to sort-of-begrudging-friends’

potentially ashfur dies for holly during the great battle + fades bc i know that i want her to live. if he doesnt then ash will probablyyy go to starclan because i cant see any other afterlife quite making sense for him

spare fallen leaves notes for u

idea one: he also has some kind of unfinished business or connection to jay’s wings/jayfeather/the three. after he helps jayfeather in the power of three he goes elsewhere (where? idk)

idea two: he never dies in the tunnels in the first place. he makes it out alive and becomes a sharpclaw

idea three: he does get lost in the tunnels but after finding a way out, he takes it

[simple-ponderings]

Universal Guidance- Pick a Card

Welcome back to another pick a card. This is one is mostly centered on where you are on your journey right now and the advice The Divine wants to relay to you. This time Ive done something different. Ive done some shufflemancy and added songs for you to listen for any additional messages. These messages may or may not resonate as its a general reading and thats ok. There are always messages being sent but they wont always be for you. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask God or whoever you feel a bond most strongly with, to help you choose a pile. 

+++PLEASE READ! Before you go down to your reading, I wanted to say that the most prevalent theme happening for all groups is that you’re all going through significant change. The Death card and The Last Judgement card came out for all three readings. All of us are experiencing change in different ways. I believe this is something being Divinely orchestrated. Things that need to end and also come to fruition will come to pass, whether you are ready or not. Hang in there everyone. We will get through this.++++++

 Pile 1: 

While shuffling I saw and got the notion of a journey, or the beginning of one. Traveling. There were sperm whales, mermaid tails, deep sea. Traveling on a rocky mountain, like in LOTR. I also saw a volcano. There was a weird wooden gate, with black bolts that looked like the Dolce & Gabana logo. 

Im getting the feeling of stubbornness. Almost as if there is something you know you need to be doing or not doing, and then you dont do it or do it anyway. The Death card was overall energy and then when I went to clarify Princess of Pentacles it came out again- quite quickly too. Is there an ending you are hesitant to release? Maybe it has to do with your habits, mindsets, aspects of yourself, or the people who have served their purpose in your spiritual journey. Regardless, something needs to come to close so that other cycles in your life-whether its having new friends, obtaining a new job, or learning something new, or anything, may begin. It can even be so simple as “The New You” emerging. Its like youre stuck in the past I think, with memories of someone or how you used to be, and now that that has been taken away youre kind of unsure of yourself and where to go. Maybe you feel a little ungrounded and not really confident?...Im really starting to get the feeling that this was a person you were dealing with, and they just couldnt really deliver. Its like being around them for so long has sucked you into weird environments that arent really in your best interests. I know this is a general reading but this is a feeling I cant shake, I apologize if this message does not resonate with you. If it doesnt resonate then it is not for you. This person, was most likely sent for your activation and transformation. Im sorry that its so unpleasant :(. You need to break free from this. Its like youve experienced both the really dark aspects, and now are coming to experience the really light aspects. I think this is what new cycle awaits you, but you are hesitant to let it because you’ve been exposed to that darkness for sometime. Maybe you even comfortable in it because it may be what you expect? This is just one stop on your journey, even though it feels as if it’ll stretch on and on and on. Give yourself time to grieve that which was lost. But remember you must get back up eventually, and begin building your new reality. You arent alone in this. You will soon leave the desolate rocky terrain and move into beautiful meadows filled with flowers. But its up to YOU to go out there and create your reality- your life, your legacy that makes you happy and is for your highest good. You are being pointed in the right direction, you are always being guided. Believe that for yourself no matter what others tell you, or no matter how things seem, or no matter what even you think. Dont let the negativity of others stop your abundance, your uniqueness, and most of all the beauty of your soul. There are some important things for you to consider: 777 and Volcanoes. Also you might wanna give the song “No Running Water” by The Flashbulb a listen for additional messages. Thank you for reading Feedback would be greatly appreciated!! 

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Pile 2:

 While shuffling, I saw an open path with wild grass on either side. The road was made of dirt. There was the word DATE written in red with other words. It looked like some sort of official document. I saw Space, and a blue light being. This pile felt a little dark, like some heavy energy but not too heavy- more like somberness. 

I feel like theres this onset of spiritual power, but you may feel as if youre not ready for it or its too much. Or it could even be that you experience emotion very deeply. And so you kind of focus on the material and logical aspects of yourself, almost kind of “rejecting” that spiritual and emotional side. I think you have alot of spiritual gifts, but you dont want to go “too deep”. You are comfortable with seeing tangibility and are used to seeing whats right in front of you. But I believe the doors to the Unknown are being revealed to you. You see all these phenomena happening and you just “Observe” it kind of. Theres this feeling of not wanting to get too involved so you just keep your distance. By that I mean, you just watch and observe things and try to remain unaffected. Its almost as if you putting your spiritual self at arms length is your way of self-defense if that makes sense? Its like youre trying hard to cling to the old you, how you and your life used to be, before all THIS happened. What are you afraid of? Perhaps you are a person who wonders if there is any merit or tangible reward for diving deep and I think if you do decide to dive deep it will feel that way. “Whats the point of it all?” But its to help you embrace your Fire, your gifts so to speak. If you do decide to walk this path of spirituality and embracing yourself, getting comfortable with the unknown, I feel you will be a completely different person. A Complete Rebirth so to speak. And maybe you are scared of that. I think The Divine is trying to point you in this direction. It will get easier. As you begin to walk this path, things will become Clearer. And I feel you will feel so much more “In Tune” with The Divine or whoever you believe in. I see a link, essences intertwining. Whats meant to happen will happen. Fate. Be kind to yourself during this period. Make sure you take the time to ground yourself and even go outside and get a breath of fresh air. It will help clear your head and balance yourself. You are Loved no matter what. You arent alone, you can let your guard down. Important things to consider: Angel Number 66. Pay attention to how you feel, whether it be around others or the emotions you feel in general. I think being near bodies of water, or even moon gazing may help you. I even think carrying selenite around may be of help to you. Remember to take care of yourself mentally and physically! Keep yourself balanced. Also give “Severed” by The Flashbulb a listen for any additional messages. I hope you enjoyed this reading and feedback is always appreciated!

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Pile 3:

I felt bliss and happiness. I saw a plant growing. There is this feeling of building something thats here to stay.

Im thinking you guys went through hell and back despite that feeling of bliss I felt when shuffling. Overall theres a overarching theme of having everything in life be on track, but when it comes to love it seems that thats where you begin to run into problems. It could even just be relationships in general. Or rather everything is finally going right, but theres this feeling of something coming to “haunt” you. Something that you’ve thought was over with and finished but manages to come back into your life. I feel like you’ve been through some tough shit and have tried your damned best to make the situation better. Like you’ve broken free from some sort of attachment or restriction but there is still a lingering feeling of obligation, almost as if you still feel the need to give it your energy. Maybe things didnt end on the right foot. Maybe there were things left unsaid. There is a message of unfinished business. But this part of your life will soon be wrapping up. After this hurdle, something new will arise from it. An opportunity that will sprout its way into the physical world. Its very weird, theres this notion of finally seeing the light of day after being surrounded by the night. The first light of the Dawn. Its as if youre running a marathon and youve made it through all these obstacles to reach the finish line.  Youre almost there, just a little more. This experience you went through, gave you the wisdom you needed to be where you are in life. It made you who are you are. You have gone through much transformation. Im really proud of you. But The Divine is saying you have to go through this for just a little longer. To Be who you were meant to Be. Understand that whatever happens, it is always within your power to decide how you want to act. You always have the power to choose differently. Always choose what feels right for you. Always choose what you know to be true. What has this journey taught you so far? What lessons have you learned? How have you changed? Use these teachings and apply them to your life and how you want to live. Important things for you to consider: 1010 is significant for you. I believe after this ordeal things will only get better for you. When you feel things are getting out of control or too much, take deep breaths and bring yourself back to the present- back to balance. Remember you are in control of how you respond, you always have a choice. Take it one step at a time too, its ok if you dont get it right away. We have the utmost patience and love for you. Also give “Home” by Brian Mcknight a listen as there may be additional messages for you. I hope you enjoyed this reading. I really hope I was able to offer you some clarity. Feedback is always appreciated!  

[sickassastrology]

can they bring back a dead connection, gemini?.....hm maybe. 🫀

Hi gems! I see here that you arent speaking to a certain somebody right now. youve gone through hell with this person as they betrayed you. something that they were trying to keep secret came out and ended this connection. your person was sneaking around....it could be a 3rd party, somebody that your person has a child with...or got pregnant. 😱 and now your guarded against them, wounded and hurt taking some of those swords out of your back. i see now your person has been thinking long and hard about how they skewed up. (could be a virgo) they are trying to bring back this connection from the dead and manifest a victory with you. i see some unforgiveness and bitterness in yalls energy. they hurt you so bad. i mean yall shared a special connection and they messed it up. your just trying to move on from this, focus on your money and gaining strength back. youve looked at this situation from many different sides and some of you guys have decided to block this person all together. this person is coming back to reconcile (dont shoot me, i just give the message). they feel like there is unfinished business with you. but you arent willing to repeat this cycle again with 3rd parties in the mix...and ohh nooo yall not havin it. i did pull a potential outcome (cause yall special) 💎 this is divine timing for this person and they are coming back with a cup of love. they cant sleep because you left them out in the cold and dropped this relationship. free will is at play so....tell me, is a 2nd chance coming? (just as i say write this, i pulled 4 more cards, and GIVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP A CHANCE CAME OUT) told yall they wanted this 2nd chance smh. some may come back and be wanting to elevate this to a higher level. *hint, if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it* a heart to heart needs to be had to put some spark back into this. man-oh-man gemini this is intense. godspeed!

DISCLAIMER* 🚨 This is a general reading and will not resonate with everybodys story. remember time is fluid so this may have happened, is happening, or will happen. it is intended for gemini sun moon rising and venus. (crosswatchers are welcome) do not use this advice to make any life decisions in regards to love money legal matter or health. you must use your own discernment at all times! for entertainment use. thank you, erin. 💙

[neutralchaos1]

ramblings about my life.

I've been debating about saying anything because of how personal this is all is and because I'm not sure if i should but... in light of recent events happening in my life, I'm going to anyways. Cw:manipulation and emotional abuse.

So! For those that do not know, about 3 years ago I went through some massive changes in my life. I started to talk to people again. What that's no big deal" You might say but for me it was. You see, before that I talked with only a few people: my coworkers (nothing personal) my Mom, my then husband and my kids. That's it. I had very little contact with the outside world beyond that. How did this start? Well, for about a year now I had been lurking on ao3 , reading stories and leaving kudos as a guest, when I decided after seeing all those authors in the end notes saying to follow them on tumblr, to sign up for it. I made a blog and hit follow for a few of my favorite authors. I was 27.

It took a bit but finally gathered up the courage to start talking with one of those authors, which led me to me other great authors, which led me to a fantastic little community that's been insanely supportive.

But the massive shift/change in my life happened, when I vented to a new friend about my then husband. I thought I was being silly and overreacting when he was getting drunk for the 4th time that week. That I was being upset for nothing when he tried to grope and initiate sex with me and I said I didnt feel like it, only to feel like an asshole when he drew away and locked himself in "His" room to play video games without a saying a word.

They asked me why I felt bad about that. I told them, because I said no and hes upset with me now. They outright told me that him being upset was his issue. I had every right to say no. No Nonono they didnt understand, when I said no, I would get ignored until I said yes. Full silent treatment.

I could go on, but after a few conversations like this, it finally started to dawn on me, that they were right. Why did I feel bad for saying no? I shouldnt. It wasnt like I always said no, I said yes quite frequently even when i didn't feel like it, just to avoid feeling unwanted in my home.

This started a whole of thinking, like, how I never got to go out on my own. Even if I was with family, I would get phone calls every 1/2 hour, "when are you coming home". I couldn't leave the house without the kids even to run to the store quickly without it becoming A thing. If I was invited to something and he wasnt, I would inevitably wind up not going because he felt slighted. But i supposed to be cool with it if he disappeared for hours on end. That he got to indulge in his hobbies and mine were labeled "Boring". That he got to talk with his friends but mine were scrutinized and had ulterior motives.

When I tried to bring all this up, I was met with 'Okay, let's do more stuff together." Except it was all the stuff he wanted to do. I couldnt play video games for hours on end Because... well, responsibilities. Someone had to take care of the kids. Someone had to tidy up the house. Someone had to make sure we had groceries. And that was an issue, because apparently doing this for an hour or so with him wasnt enough. I tried to get him to do things that we both loved to do. We were both artists, why not make something together? Why not play that card game we liked? Maybe we could invite some people over and have a games night? All were shot down.

It was during this that while talking with people still, i was figuring out that... well... I wasnt as straight as I had been led to believe. I thought I was just Bi because well, I found people in general attractive. But not in an "I would have sex with them" way. Just nice to look at. Well, dont you get in your pants feelings when you see an attractive person?

No?????? I dont know them?? Why would I think that??

What do you like about a relationship?

Well… I like the closeness. I like being cuddled and watching movies together. I like having someone to talk to, coming home to someone…

These conversations led to me doing research into asexuality. And… there was a word for me!!!! This was me! I found an identity! I was so excited!!!! So I went to tell my best friend. The one person that I could trust with this information, my husband.

I was immediately met with, "So, you never loved me?" What! No. Why would you say that!??? I married you! We have 2 children! We've spent the last decade together!! Why would I do that if I didn't love you? "But you just said that." It was then that it clicked to him sex=love. No sexual attraction meant I didn't love him. I tried to talk with him about this, when it was met with him shutting down and pushing me away, I dropped it. We went back to what was happening before.

A turning point came when he said one day "I'm going to move to [The province he was from]for a year" why? "I have unfinished business there and I feel like I can deal with it better there without having to worry about and girls"

This sparked an enormous argument, because essentially to me this translated to "I'm going to go and take a year off from being a father and husband" he threw my sexuality into my face. He accused me of cheating on him. I told him that that's not the way things worked. You don't get to just leave your family for a year!

After a lot of arguing, we decided that a separation was in order. All of sudden I felt… lighter. Yes this was going to be hard, but doable. I had a few months before he left(I pleaded with him not leave until after Christmas], I could get a job and make sure I had childcare while he was still here to help with the kids! Except no. He checked out. He wouldn't look at the kids. He said I had to get used to doing stuff on my own, so to pretend he was just my roommate. While I was trying to secure things for me and the kids, he was getting drunk and… well… for lack of better wording, shit-talking about me to everyone with ears. He was telling everyone that I was crazy, i was brainwashed by Tumblr and the feminists on there. They made me into a lesbian. That I was broken. That I never loved him. That I was cheating on him with a supportive friend…. Etc…  he did this the entire 3 months before he left. He isolated me from people one last time.

In the year that followed him leaving, I would get manipulative text messages from him in the middle of the night. He threatened to use the kids as a weapon against me. He would say stuff that made me feel like shit. It got to the point where if my phone popped up with a notification, I would panic. I finally got the courage to mute him, but I never blocked him because he was the father to my kids. I had to be more mature about it. I never spoke publicly about how he treated me because I didn't want to isolate him. I never demanded he pay child support, I was always happy enough if he did send money my way for the kids. I didn't kick up a fuss when I found out that he was dating an old friend less than a month after he left. Hell, I didn't even get mad when I found out she was pregnant with his kid and in his words he was "starting over with a new family" the one thing I always got mad at him for? In the almost 3 years since he left, he has never once spoken to the kids. Not once. Not a card, not an email, not a phone call, not even a goddamn text message.

Why am I bringing this up now? Because he's coming back. Things arent working for him there, so hes moving here. And I'm so scared that hes going to start shit all over again.

[sadbastardhour]

god i hate to be like this, to feel like this, god i hate being borderline. i hate the feeling of not having any worth. petting the cat helped. why do I feel so bad? its a mix of things I think. id ont like the late night cries. i shouldnt have gone tto bedfor that nnap but i could barely keep awake. even now ims till tired but know if i lay fown ill just start crying more. not that i stopped, but the bed is shared. i ddont want t cry on him. im scared- theres no danger, but i know hes tired.i know the feelings of despair are not permemantbut going through them is awful. God, i hate theat artist and how badly they trigger me. i hate that she triggers me from her comments, not the artist but someone different. am I attaractive? am I worth the time of anyone? am I pverly sexual? ad I obnoxious? am I really going oanywhere? i dont know. i dont like therse breakdowns. i dont like the lonely nights. i feel wered. i feel awafu;. i dont know what to say to explain it. i feel like i should sleep out here or something, but i know that might just make the problems worse. theres not even a real ‘problem’ like that, just with bod and trauama fflares and eneding more attention and affection that is offered at the moment. seeing other people not do well makes me nervous. makes me worry when ill fail. i dont know. im scared. i tired. i want to cry but i dont want to wake people. i dont even know how to cry when no one is around. i cant even really see the keys, the glasses arent on and my weyes are too full. I worry for the collapse of what ive tried to make msyelf to be- i am so unstable that ‘collapse’ seems inevitable. i ttry to remember that the awful isnt permenant. i want attention. i want to talk,. i feel like i hhave to deleted everything. i feel like i have tto start new. i dont know what to do. I have loose ends. i have unfinished business. I dont know where Im going. i can only clena thing sout before i write again, eyet it doesnt feel right ti stop writing,. i dont know. i dont want to mindlessly scroll. i dont want to be alone. i feel awafu;

[freerebelmentality]

Take me to church pt3

Word Count: 2,448

>>> Part one Part two <<< Is where you can catch up 

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A month has gone by, you gave your notice at the news paper in New York and decided to stay home for good. You decided to try the freelance journalism and that has been working really great for you. Taking pictures on the other hand has been making you pretty busy and making money here and there for freelance photography.

After editing a few photos is when you noticed you were out of photo paper and needed to head out to buy some. While getting ready and looking for the keys only to realize mom has it. You took out your phone and called the auto shop. With one ring someone picks up the phone with a greeting.

“Lowell: Good afternoon Teller Morrow auto shop?

You: Hey its y/n, is my mom around?

Lowell: Yeah, one sec”

He puts you on hold while you wait for her to pick up the phone and finally soon after she does.

“Gemma: Hi baby, what ya need?

You: I need a ride to get some photo papers

Gemma: I cant take you, Im sorry. I have tons of paper work to do and Jax is off doing some club related business with your dad.

You: Chibs?

Gemma: He went to do a pick up for the shop. Hang on”

“Op, are you busy?” Gemma asks while covering the phone mouth piece with her hand

“No, Im just taking a break. Why?” He asks from the door

“Can you give y/n a ride to the store? She needs to pick up a few things” She asks in hopes he will agree to it.

“Sure. I’ve been wanting to hang out with her. Tell her Im on my way” He replies and walking out of the garage to his bike and drove off.

“Thank you and I will let her know” She says and places the ear piece of the phone back to her.

“Gemma: I found you a ride. Opie is on his way

You: Thanks mom. I’ll see you later

Gemma: No problem baby. See you after work”

You get off the phone with your mom to head outside and wait for Opie. You locked the door and sat on the front steps of the house, you hear a familiar roar of a motor bike and got up to meet Opie in the drive way. He pulls up into the drive way, he smiles to you while handing you a helmet and get on the bike while he backs out of the drive way and drives to the store.

“What exactly are you getting anyway?” Opie asks once we stop in front of the store

“I need photo paper, ink and a couple more memory cards for my camera” You reply while you lead the both of you into the store

“How is it working freelance?” He asks as he follows you through the aisles

“Its going good, even though it can be slow but still counts as work and make some what good money” You reply while placing the paper into your basket

“You ever think about opening up your own gallery? I know the club has warehouses and big enough for an art gallery” He suggests while looking at the items on the shelves

“Thats not a bad idea. I mean I have always wanted my own gallery for as long as I could remember” You reply while finishing getting the items you really needed and go to the till to pay for your things.

“If you want, I can talk to your dad about lending you the space and the rest of the guys. Im sure they wont mind” He says while helping you with your bag.

“I think I can handle my dad. You can talk to the other guys though and they would probably take it to chapel and vote or whatever. Since its the clubs warehouse” You say while walking out of the store.

You heard someone calling your name and the voice sounded familiar. Your heart stopped once that voice came over you, numbness all over your body and you look to Opie who just rolls his eyes once he sees who it is.

“I’ll wait by the bike” Opie says and leans against his bike

You nod and turn to the person who is standing not far from you. You see his baby blue eyes, he is in full uniform and a slight smile breaks on his face.

“When did you get home? How long have you been in Charming?” He asks only keeping his eyes on you.

“I have been home for a while” You answer him simply

“Welcome back home is in order then” He says never breaking his gaze away

“Uniform suits you. After how many years of talking about working for Charming PD” You asking breaking the awkward silence, well more awkward for you.

“Yeah, Deputy Chief and love what I do” He says with a wide smile

“Well I better go. I dont want to keep Opie any longer then I have. Uh it was nice seeing you” You say rather quickly and walk towards Opie and his bike.

“Can I see you again? Coffee?” He asks ignoring Opies glare

“I dont think that would be a good idea” You answer as Opie starts his bike and drives away back to your parents place.

Once he pulls into the drive way, stops his bike and you lead the way to the front door. Both of you get into the kitchen as he sets your things on the table.

“Wow, its been so long since I have been on a bike” You say to distract yourself from doing anything stupid. Such as calling David to come over and getting wrapped in each others limbs along with the sheets.

“You alright? I know it wasnt easy leaving but firsts always count for something” He asks leaning against the counter.

“Its never easy seeing them is it?” You ask in a hushed tone as your hand combs back your hair

Opie shakes his head while he gives you a sad smile. You were glad he was with you when David came walking up. If it were your brother then it would have been a different story.

“Do you still have feelings for the guy?” He asks and sits himself at the table with you.

“Honestly, yes I do. On the other hand, I love the club more and I understand why my parents tried keeping us apart. My feelings arent enough to get back with him though” You answer him honestly while it hurt to admit the truth

“I love you as my own sister. On one hand I am glad you aren’t considering of getting back with him but on the other you deserve a good guy and to be happy. I saw what he brought to you and remember it well. Whatever you decide, just remember think about what your going to do. Its not just your dad but its also your brother. Me included” Opie says while he gets up and kisses the top of your head.

“I got to get going, I’ll check in with you later and dont forget our talk” He says as he takes one last look to you and walks out the door.

One damn little chat and you were so damn conflicted on what to do. For sure you couldnt go back to the old ways because he is officially a law man and that wasnt going to be good for the club. Then Chibs came to mind, his gorgeous brown eyes, his sexy deep voice that goes perfectly well with that Scottish accent and then the phone rings.

“Stupid girl” You muttered about yourself as you got up the answer the home phone

“You: Hello

Someone: Y/n?

You: David?

Someone: Yeah, its me

You: Why are you calling me?

David: After all these years, your parents still have the same number?

You: What do you want David?

David: I want to see you again. Not just a few seconds but over coffee

You: I dont know if that should be a good idea

David: Why not? Dont tell me your parents are keeping you from seeing me

You: No, its not that. I just have work to do and Im really busy

David: You cant take the time away from work just to go for coffee?

You: No, I have pictures to edit and I have to set a few things up. I have unfinished articles to complete for certain magazines

David: Well when you arent so busy, maybe we can go for coffee or even dinner

You: Maybe. In the mean time I got to get going, my work isnt going to finish itself

David: Alright, talk to you soon”

When you hung up the phone is when you heard someone pull into the drive way along with a bike. You looked at the time and didnt even realize the work day for your parents was done. Well for the auto shop anyways

“Hey mom, daddy” You greet your parents as you sit at the table

“Hey baby girl” Clay says as he enters the kitchen and places the bag of groceries on the counter.

“Hi baby” Gemma says as she passes you and gives you a kiss to your forehead

“Something was brought to my and the clubs attention at church today” Dad says while mom stops what she is doing

“Well?” You ask in hopes it would be ok

“Well what? What was talked about in church?” Mom

“Our very own daughter would like to open up her own art gallery and a studio where she can take pictures and display them” Dad says while looking to his wife

Mom looks incredibly excited and happy that you would want to open up your own business.

“Really, you want something like this?” Mom asks in complete excitement

“Yeah, its something I’ve always wanted and I love photography mom” You tell her with a wide smile as she comes closer to hug you.

The both of you look to Clay in hopes he has good news for you. If it would be a yes then you would start getting to work on getting everything ready.

“When do you want to go warehouse shopping?” He asks with a wide smile

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” You yell in pure happiness once he gives you the good news that you will be having your own business and if it goes well then you can have your own company

“Opie brought it up. He talked about how he suggested it, you always wanted one and Charming would benefit from the gallery” Dad says while you thank Opie over and over again.

“Thank you so much daddy” You get up to hug your father

He hugged you right back and hugged very tightly.

“Do you have everything you need for the gallery?” Mom asks with a wide smile on her face

“Yeah but I would need to get projectors for the digital displays along with the white sheets” You answer her still tucked underneath your dads arm

For the past few weeks you have been really busy putting everything together at the warehouse. A few guys from the club have helped with the heavy lifting and you were more grateful for their help. That was one of the ways you were able to spend more time with Chibs. You would stay late at night to place everything together and he would also stay behind and help you.

You gave him a camera to take pictures with. As he took them, they uploaded to the projector and the pictures he took displayed on the sheets you have placed around the warehouse. He takes a few pictures of you while you werent looking and they displayed as well.

“This one is my favourite” He says while selecting the picture and once he was done. The picture displayed on all four sheets.

It was a picture of you setting up your computer to the settings for the projectors that were hooked up to four different cameras.

“Ye look focused, determined and tired” He says while you look to the display as well

“Not bad Chibby. Maybe you can be my prodigy” You say with a proud smile on your face

“Nah, I leave the picture taking to ye” He says looking away from you and looks at the display.

You hit the print icon on the computer and an 8 x 10 printed out. You walked to the printer and got the photo. You walked towards Chibs and gave him the picture.

“Here, you can have this. Also keep the camera and take whatever pictures. Ill use them for the displays throughout the warehouse and dont worry I will give you full credit” You tell him as he takes the photo from your hands

“Nah, Im going to break yer camera” He says giving you the camera

“Im not taking no for an answer Chibs. I want to see what you see everyday. I want you to capture everyday living from your perspective” You tell him while placing the camera back in his hands and holding them while you tell him what you want from him.

“Ye are just like yer ma ye know that” He says while looking to you.

“I know” You say while smiling to him and walking away from him

“Its pretty late and think we should get going” You say while putting on your jacket and getting your things together.

“Ye need a ride?” He asks as he watches you gather your things

“Yes please” You answer him and the both of you walk out

You get on his bike as he hands you a helmet. Once the both of you drive away from your gallery, you enjoy the ride home and once the house gets near. You didnt want the ride to end, as he pulls into your parents drive way and get off his bike. You turn to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, again” You tell him and walk to the front door to unlock it and walk into the house.

Chibs had to contain himself from giving you a full kiss, he needed to contain himself all together because you are his presidents daughter, his vice presidents sister and Gemma’s baby. He didnt know how he would explain himself if he ever started something with you or he didnt know how to explain his feelings for you to anyone.

You leaned against the door once you got inside, the lights came one and it was your dad.

[sickassastrology]

whats going on with your friend(s)

*DISLCAIMER: the is a very general collective reading. it will not be everybodys story so only take what fits. time is fluid and people have free will so the story can change or take place at any given time. always use your heart first. thanks, erin. 

aries: i see that yall got into an argument that caused a separation. but your friend (s) love you and want to rekindle this with you and work things out. i do this person reaching out because they arent happy without you and they dont want the drama anymore between you. 

taurus: so either you or your friend (s) doesnt want to give to this anymore. your over the conflict yall had. but one of yall is having a hard time letting it go because it felt like unfinished business. and it just needed some healing. but either way, one of you is moving on to a better friend.

gemini: this friendship is pretty much done with. somebody walked away and sent the other packing. im seeing that some of yall dumped your friend and made them walk home in the cold or at night. brutal ending. and now its time to heal and think about things. i pulled to see if it really was over....and yeah it is. bummer, sorry gems. 

cancer: could have been a childhood friend. the friendship is over. bad ending im seeing. they will always have love though. 

leo: you will come back together with them after not speaking. 

virgo: friendship was too damn much to handle. and someone is an asshole (could be an aries, no shade) letting it go and not wanting to come back together, you both are moving on. but one of you is still watching the other on social media...or could be both. take what fits.

libra: a decision has been made to end this friendship. i see time and effort put into it though. maybe even money you have given to this person. you were always there for them when they needed you, but im getting you probably didnt get that back in return. choosing to leave this person behind was a good move tbh, because now your focusing back on yourself, work, and your money. i see that this person could return and say sorry for what they did, but its time to move on libra. *dont let your golden heart turn sour.* 

scorpio: looks like there was an oppsie your friend made with this connection. i see conflict and rejection of this connection, but a new beginning is up ahead with some time. ( i see sagittarius, gemini, water signs, taurus as well) but it could be any sign. there was some form of manipulation and lies being told. but guess what? the truth shall set you free! they will come back with communication and tell the truth to get you guys out of this mess, but this person is moving slow. so please...dont hold your breath. but i say when they do, give it a chance because this is a great friendship and you know it scorpio!

sagittarius: this connection is amazing. if there was an ending, it will begin again. when idk? 

capricorn: hm this one is a little more tricky. i see some type of juggling between if this friendship needs to end or not. this honestly seems like an uphill battle that just isnt getting any victory. although a strong friendship, im getting more of yall leaning towards endings things. idk, i feel like this one was a select few. idk, fuck it. sorry caps.

aquariuis: plain and clear. whatever hardships your having with them, your going to get past it. 

pisces: i dont see any bad blood with them. but this is a past friendship from childhood maybe. but this connection has been outgrown is all. and its time for new friends who fit the bill. but i dont get any bad energy from them. just carry them in your heart.