#are you actually working to be a good ally or are you just wanting praise?

[disgruntled-detectives]

Im feeling incredibly grumpy right now and im gonna rant about something real quick I’ve seen in a lot of Jewish online spaces but Reddit is really the biggest space I’ve seen this in.

Routinely gentiles go into a Jewish subreddit and they go “hey I’m a goy, and *I* think antisemitism sucks. I hate how you guys are treated!” And then everyone stops and throws this person a parade of congratulatory thank yous and praises for not being a bigot, and being *such* a good ally (and of course tons of upvotes)

I honestly am getting so sick of my fellow Jews falling all over themselves to heap praises on someone for doing the absolute bare minimum in not being a dick. We need allies, yes. We have precious few of them. And if you are an ally, you know exactly who you are.

But you don’t need to tell us you’re our ally. We need you to actually *show the fuck up*.

Are you shutting down antisemitism *when* (not if) you hear it from someone in your own community? Educating the people in your own communities? In person and on social media? Are you uplifting our voices? Are you actually listening to us? Are you pointing people to *Jewish* resources to learn more about Jews and antisemtism? Are you using your privilege to help us? Are you opening yourself up to potential hate and backlash because you’re doing this? Are you doing the very real work of unpacking the antisemitism that is absolutely baked into Eastern and Western Cultures? (Antisemitism is rampant fucking everywhere. We ALL have work to do to unpack and unlearn it) Are you sitting down and shutting up and letting us speak on our own experiences?

Are you *actually* an ally, or are you content to just come into our spaces and demand thanks for not actively wishing us dead, but not actually doing a damn thing to stop the people in your communities from harming us? Do you actually want to help or do you just want “ally” points?

There are amazing gentile allies here on Tumblr and elsewhere. In real life and on social media. They are people I know personally and people I’ve only ever seen online. They are amazing people who are actually doing the work. Not just for our community, but for all marginalized people.

But they are allies because it’s the right thing to do. Not because they want the brownie points.

Basically…Put up, or shut up.

Edit: this is okay to reblog!, Goyim, do not add any goydacity to this post.

[screamsofanoutlawbrain]

You know, the cookies of darkness is kinda like a cult. Cause most of them were taken in at their lowest of lows or had no other choice but to join. So here's what I think of em. (under the cut)

And I'll name most of em off.

Licorice Cookie: Dude was literally an outcast in every sense, it's assumed that his tribe literally fluffing DIED and that the magic he was good in (necromancy) is relatively frowned apon. He was an outcast, and likely starved of attention due to having no peers around him that he could really connect to beyond VERY surface level things, and Dark Enchantress probably took advantage on it, I could see him being given praise for his magic early on, but never getting any of that attention later. That very want for attention from one of the few who actually expressed any interest in his talents being the only reason he's still around.

Poison Mushroom Cookie: That's a child, probably an orphan, possibly alone because of their poisonous shroomies driving most away. Similar case to Licorice, the kiddo got attached to the ones around them and doesn't want to leave.

Red Velvet Cookie: He was born into this, came out the oven without an arm, and is (what I'm assuming) part cakehound, he was born an outcast, and likely has nowhere else to go. Red Velvet clearly cares about the cakehounds and soldiers more enough to keep him to stay. He has little other choice at this point.

Pomegranate Cookie: She was literally trained to be a high priestess to her village, and then learned that she was fated to effectively destroy it. I'm betting my right leg that she was probably DEVASTATED when she learned that, to learn that everything she has worked up to, she would betray. She trusted the mirrors vision over her own wants, and so she left to serve darkness, and (like Licorice Cookie) was given praise at what she done to her village, but that praise became less and less frequent over time. the combination of her having no other place to go, effectively destroying all allys she could have, the same starvation of praise, and her blind trust in Dark Enchantress Cookie leaving her unable to leave, not without a fight.

Dark Choco Cookie: I think this one was pretty simple. He was already pretty vulnerable and broken down on his own after losing everything to a sword he's stuck with. He got manipulated and brainwashed into thinking he had no other chance and that he was stuck forever. No lovebombing, no praise, just manipulation from somebody with a silver tongue. (His abandoning of the C.O.D. is something that could happen to any of the rest, but his already fragile connection made it a lot easier for him to break ties.)

Strawberry Crepe Cookie: A (possibly robot) child who thought they were abandoned by their kingdom(and which they sadly kinda were). They were alone with only robots to comfort them, do I even need to explain this?

Matcha Cookie: Like Red Velvet, but kinda worse. She was deemed a failure and had EVEN LESS TIME TO GROW OR DEVELOP BEFORE BEING THROWN INTO WORKING FOR THEM (At least, I'm guessing she didn't), plus she didn't have cakehounds to connect with, just her plants.

Butter Roll Cookie: Dude was kiddnapped. Need I say more?

Affogato Cookie: If he didn't join, he would probably be dead. Again, need I say more?

So far, I think this kinda matches up with a cult, but if anyone has a better definition for it, do tell in a reblog or comment.

That's about it, if any more of these guys come out, I'll update this.

[niningtori]

for the hope of it all | parts i-iii

pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, choi soobin x you

summary: you've been in love with beomgyu since the first time you saw him, but he sees you as nothing more than a good friend and faithful wingwoman. when he asks you to help him catch another girl, who just so happens to be one of your closest friends, things get complicated.

genre: ANGST, melodrama, romance, smut (mdni), fluff at the end

warnings: smut (mdni), beomgyu is a fucking asshole but he gets better, manipulative!gyu, unprotected sex, creampie, fingering (vaginal), oral (f. receiving), dom!gyu, dirty talk, praise, if i missed anything lmk!

word count: 18.7k

notes: ... hi. literally nobody asked for this, but i realized that part 2 of this work didn't even show up in the tags, so i decided to compile all of the previous parts as well as the ending together. hopefully, you all enjoy this. i'm still struggling, but i pray you all still like it even if it's not me at my best. feedback is always appreciated :) thank you!

part i: august

beomgyu really likes her — like, really— and who can blame him? you certainly can’t. chaewon is a lovely, lovely girl, so it should come as no surprise when beomgyu asks you to, in his words, help him bag her. you’re not one with a particularly strong character at the best of times, so when he practically begs you to convince one of your closest friends that he’s actually not the heartbreaking manwhore he definitely is, you can’t find it in yourself to say no.

it doesn't help that he has enough charisma to charm even the most indifferent target he sets his eyes on, it doesn't help that he's so handsome it makes everyone either want him or want to be him, and it most certainly doesn't help that you've been in love with the boy for the entire time that you've known him. him asking absolutely anything of you would result in you relenting, so when he asks for something as seemingly inconsequential as setting him up with a mutual friend, accepting it is a matter of course. does it hurt your heart to see him pining after someone else when you basically consider him as your soulmate? of course. but his happiness means more to you than your own. if she makes him happy, then so be it.

that's what you tell yourself, at least.

-

beomgyu doesn’t know that you love him — he can’t possibly know — or else he’d treat you differently, right? you don’t want that. you don’t want anything to change, at least not in the disastrous way you anticipate confessing your love to him would go, so you’ve kept your feelings close to your chest to keep him from suspecting anything. you think you’ve gotten pretty good at concealing your feelings. for example, you laugh when he tells you about his sexual escapades, and you don’t hesitate to give him advice on how to woo the girls who are wary of his lasciviousness. you only want to show him the good parts of you, carefully tucking any ugly seeds of jealousy or sadness away from his prying eyes.

the thing is, though, beomgyu is not stupid; and to your never-ending misery, you are not the greatest actress. he can see the crestfallen look on your face for the split second before you can contort your features into a smile. he can hear the tremble in your voice as you force out a laugh. with his godforsaken intuition, he can sense the hesitation in your movement when you playfully push him aside as he over-dramatically recounts his latest raunchy fuck. 

all of this has no discernible consequence, though. if anything, your feelings have been his faithful friend and ally when it comes to conspiring with you to land whatever girl piques his interest at the moment. you may not be a prospective partner, but you are a great wingwoman, he’ll give you that much. and that’s exactly what he needs when dealing with chaewon, who has proven to be a particularly tough nut to crack. he doesn’t usually go for people he would consider friends, if only because he doesn’t like dealing with the messy aftermath, but her refusal to look his way is just too entertaining. he has no earthly idea why this cat and mouse game intrigues him the way it does, but he’s hooked like none other, especially because her reasons for pulling away when she’s definitely as attracted to him as he is to her are unclear. maybe she just doesn’t want to seem easy? whatever it is, he likes it. he likes her.

-

“so what's the plan?” soobin asks. 

“what do you mean?” you blink as you turn towards him, effectively taken out of your daze. you've been staring at a new instagram picture of beomgyu for at least ten minutes now. there's not much going on in it — it's just a candid taehyun took of him — but you can't stop the yearning you feel in your heart as you wish you had been the one to take it, instead.

“i mean, what's your big plan to ‘help’ him this time?” there’s a trace of resentment in his tone as he puts air quotes around “help”. you know he thinks you're just wasting your time on a boy who will never feel the same way you do, but what can you do? you still love him.

“i’m… i’m just going to talk him up to chae, no big deal,” you say rather unconvincingly, because it is a big deal. it’s the biggest deal in the world to you.

“and what are you gonna say? ‘hey, i know you know beomgyu is garbage, but deep down, he’s actually not garbage even though, even deeper down, he really is?’” his words are sarcastic and, for lack of a better term, downright hateful. 

“he’s not garbage, binnie,” you chastise. “he’s actually really sweet once you get to know him.”

“sweet? sweet how, exactly?” he sneers. you just sigh and shake your head. beomgyu is a frequent point of contention in your friendship with soobin, but you don’t know how to overcome it. mostly, arguments surrounding him devolve into conversations like the one you’re having right now. 

“he puts on a tough act, but he’s not really like that on the inside,” you insist. “you just don’t know him like i do.”

“and thank god for that,” he snorts, and you frown. you can tell he feels guilty by the way his expression immediately softens. 

“hey, i’m sorry,” he says, tucking your hair behind your ear. “i just don’t like to see you hurting.”

“i’m not hurting,” you lie. “i’m totally fine. it’s just… i just want to see him happy.” you actually do mean that last part. beomgyu, though seemingly carefree, is actually a lot more insecure and sensitive than one might think. you know this because he’s shown you that side of him many, many times, which must mean that he trusts you like no one else. you are honored to be the one he feels comfortable with, and even if it never amounts to anything more than that, you’re thankful you get to see how he really is. 

“and you think being with a new girl every week will make him happy?” he softly asks, no edge to his voice, but his words hurt even more than they did before.

“it's different this time, binnie. i'm serious. i've never seen him like this before. i think he really likes her.” and the words almost kill you to say, but you mean them, anyway. 

“okay,” he relents. “just do what you want to do. i’ll be there for you no matter what.” 

“thank you,” you reply with a small smile, before putting your nose back into your phone and staring at beomgyu’s pictures again. you don’t catch it, but soobin sighs as he watches you. 

-

you’ve been trying really, really hard. usually, all you have to do is talk about good points about beomgyu, and women fall for it hook, line, and sinker. chaewon is not most women, though, and she makes that abundantly clear with the polite smiles and airy laughs she gives you when you try to bring up beomgyu. 

you don't get it. if you had beomgyu’s attention, you’d never let it go, so it makes no sense to you how someone could have it without taking the opportunity to seize it. if it were you, you’d seize it. if it were you, you'd tell him you’ve loved him since the first time you saw him. if it were you — well, it doesn't really matter, does it? because it isn't you. still, you can’t help but dream.

the sentiment that it will never be you becomes clearer and clearer as you watch beomgyu try to initiate conversation with chaewon at his very own house party you are currently attending. you watch from the sidelines as they sit uncomfortably close together, legs flush against one another, as beomgyu wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her in to whisper in her ear. you like to think you’re content with him being with her even if it means you’ll be without him, but it’s difficult to feel that way when you actually see it playing out before you. your heart feels like stone weighing heavily in your chest as she giggles at whatever he says, and you think that things might start looking up for him before her smile suddenly melts into a little frown. 

without warning, she pries his arm off of her and gives him a perfunctory smile before standing up and smoothing out her skirt. then, she grabs her drink from the coffee table and he's left alone. his previously delighted expression is now filled with irritation and disappointment. you're still staring at him, just trying to get a read on the situation as you're left reeling, and before you know it, he's looking up at you. you're a little embarrassed at being caught, but you realize you can play your intrigue off as objectively analyzing the situation in order to help him better. surely he’ll fall for that, right? every time you say something similar, he buys it with no further questions.

he makes eye contact with you then nods towards his room as a silent plea to talk to him in private. if someone were to ask you how you’re able to deduce all of that from one look alone, you’d probably say it’s because you know beomgyu like the back of your hand — and maybe you do, but it’s like a subconsciously trained reaction more than anything. just as you know what beomgyu will do next, he knows you’ll understand his seemingly innocuous gestures. 

you head up the stairs and beomgyu shuts his bedroom door behind you. you prepare to launch into your readymade explanation as to why you were rubbernecking earlier, but he speaks before you can say anything at all.

“why isn’t it working?” he huffs. “did you talk to her like i asked you to?”

“yes, of course i did!” you eagerly insist. you would never lie to beomgyu — well, not about this, at least. your secret feelings are another story. 

“then why does she keep rejecting me?” he huffs. you wish you could answer him. truly, you do. you scramble for the right words, but you sincerely can't wrap your head around her logic, or lack thereof. 

he’s still waiting for an answer, though, so you think back to the recent conversations you’ve had with soobin, and you realize there’s only one plausible conclusion. 

“she just doesn’t know you enough, beoms. if she knew how you really are and how much you like her, she wouldn't act this way; but honestly, she probably thinks you’re just messing with her,” you explain, and you hope beyond hope that he doesn’t take it the wrong way. you don’t want to hurt his feelings by suggesting that his (newly) former playboy ways could be ruining his chances with her.

beomgyu’s feelings, of course, are not hurt. in fact, he just feels more annoyed than anything else. it’s really fucking irritating how he can’t seem to get a read on her or her intentions. she likes him, he can definitely tell, so what’s the problem with him having a messy past? it’s clear that it doesn’t bother you. well, it does, but in a different way. you’d forgive his previous transgressions in a heartbeat if it meant that he’d look your way, so why can’t she be the same? but then, he supposes that comparing someone as lovesick as you are to a normal girl is a bit unfair. 

but why are you so lovesick? it’s obvious that he’s handsome and funny, so falling for him is only natural, but your devotion is on another level. not only that, but you’re devoted in spite of the fact that he clearly wants nothing to do with you. in all honesty, it’s almost like you love him even more when you see him chasing after somebody else... then suddenly, the solution is clear. he has to make her think he doesn’t want her; and the easiest way to do that is to pretend he’s interested in someone else. in the same vein, who better else to pretend with than one of chaewon’s closest friends? you’re absolutely perfect for the job.

beomgyu’s demeanor goes from irritated to self-satisfied, and it puzzles you to no end. maybe he figured out a way to show his true feelings for her? but then why is he looking at you with such intensity? he’s never looked at you this way in the many years that you’ve known him. wait, did he realize something?  please, god, don’t let that be the case. you really don’t think you can —

and your train of thought is stopped when beomgyu strides over to you and locks the door behind you. you look up at him with confusion in your eyes before you finally register what that intense gaze of his really is: predatory.

suddenly, his lips are on yours and you’re holding back a squeal. your eyes widen as he cups his big hands around your cheeks and pulls you in even closer. he tastes like alcohol, which is to be expected, but there's a certain uniqueness to his taste that you can't really put into words; and you’re able to taste it even more as his tongue enters your mouth. you groan at the action, and surprisingly, he does, too. 

you always assumed kissing beomgyu would make you feel like everything was finally right in the world, and it does — it really, sincerely does — but there’s also a certain spark you were not anticipating. something a lot more fiery, and it shoots straight to your core as your tongues tangle together lasciviously. beomgyu seems to know this, and he smirks into the kiss before trailing his warm mouth down your neck. you gasp at the sensation, which just makes him laugh. 

his hands have traveled from your cheeks to your chest, one staying there to grab at your tits while the other one carelessly finds its way up your skirt. 

“so wet,” he whispers in awe when he rubs his fingers against your soaked panties. “is this all because of me?” you feel your cheeks warm and you’re stammering out your next words.

“w-well, i —” 

“is this all because of me?” he repeats, and you give him a feeble nod before covering your face in shame.

“cute,” he snickers, and your previously warm cheeks are now scorching to the touch. 

he moves your panties to the side and rubs against your sensitive clit, which sends pulsations through your entire body, but that’s nothing in comparison to how you feel when he presses a finger into your dripping hole. 

“you’re so tight,” he whispers, lust clearly written all over his face at the prospect of being in your pussy relatively soon; but he wants to enjoy this, he wants to enjoy the way your face screws up as he presses his finger so deep, he’s hitting places previously untouched. he slowly pulls it out, grazing your most sensitive spot with ease before adding another digit in, making you almost groan from the stretch. you bite your lip to avoid making such a sound, but beomgyu pays your attempted discretion no mind as he starts to hammer his fingers into you at a brutal pace. 

it doesn’t take long for you to come undone around his skilled fingers, and once you’re done pulsating around him, he takes them out for a taste. 

“so good,” he remarks, and though your breathing is heavy and your eyes are hazy, you still have it in you to feel embarrassed. he takes your smaller hand in his and leads you to his messy bed, carelessly sweeping every loose item — a t-shirt here, an old cd there — off of it in one go. he lays you down and hungrily licks his lips once he strips you down until you’re fully unclothed. 

you’re feeling extremely small in this moment. you know beomgyu has had his pick of the litter when it comes to women, so you can’t help but wonder how you fare in comparison to the literal bombshells he’s been known to take home. mostly, though, you wonder how you compare to chaewon, as awful as that sounds. if you really think about it, there’s no comparison to be made, really. she’s her, and you’re you. what else is there to say, honestly? still, you’re comforted by the thought that you are the one underneath him right now, not her, and he does not seem disappointed in the slightest if the tent in his jeans means anything at all.

before you can think too much about it, he’s practically tearing his shirt off and you can’t help but stare. his torso is lean and a little paler than the rest of him, probably due to the lack of sun. objectively speaking, he’s no greek god or anything similar, but to you, he’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. if he notices your awed reaction, he doesn’t say anything or really care, because he is simply too busy studying how perfect you seem to look under his dimmed lights. again, he is delighted at the prospect of being inside of you very soon.

he unzips his jeans and slides them, along with his boxers, off of his slim thighs and you can finally see him completely. his cock is a red so deep it’s nearly purple, with evidence of his lust leaking out of its flared tip. you’ve heard a lot about beomgyu’s physique from stories, his and his hookups’ alike, but nothing prepared you for the real thing. you’re not a virgin or anything, but you’re still unsure of how you’re meant to fit him inside of you. and you have no idea how you’re supposed to approach the subject. 

beomgyu does not seem to understand your internal battle, though, because he wastes no time in lining himself up with your entrance. before he pushes in, though, he drags his cock along your soaking wet seam just to coat himself in your slick. when he feels he can’t take any more of his own teasing, he begins to push in.

“j-jesus christ!” he exclaims as he tries to push his tip through your entrance. “are you a virgin or some shit?”

“nngh — n-no! i-i’m not. i’ve — mmh — i’ve had boyfriends before,” you say as best as you can while dealing with the feeling of him literally fucking you open. you’re worried he’s not enjoying himself in light of his outburst and his decidedly strained expression. 

“god, s-so tight,” he drawls. “feels so goddamn good.” he draws his hips back before pushing in again, further this time, and his words of praise seem to comfort you somehow, because he’s able to sheathe himself completely in you. 

he groans when he feels your gummy walls wildly contracting around him — unsure of what to do with the pleasurable intrusion and working tirelessly to simultaneously push him out and pull him in. you, on the other hand, feel nothing but full. you’re so full you ache, so after a few moments of adjusting, your watery eyes are filled with an insatiable sense of pleading. 

“you okay?” he asks, actually somewhat sweetly.

“y-yes — ah — i just feel w-weird,” you say. “feel so — fuck — full.” your seemingly innocent words drive him to the brink of insanity, so with reddened eyes, he grabs your hips so hard, you know he’ll leave marks in his wake, and without warning he begins drilling into you.

his thrusts are not calculated or intentional in any sense — they’re rough and fast and show his desperation. why he’s so desperate, he has no idea. beomgyu is sleazy even on a good day, so women come a dime a dozen, but he feels an unquenchable need he feels will only be satisfied if he continues to fuck you like a man gone mad. so he does.

your breasts bounce with every thrust and while he wants to grab one, his thirst only makes him want to go even deeper in you, so he employs his hands to manhandling you into a mating press. the new position has him going even deeper, and you can feel him hitting your cervix with each nasty snap of his hips. tears at the sheer feeling of being overwhelmed spring in your eyes and you have to clamp your hand over your lips to keep from crying out.

“let me hear you,” he pleads while gently moving your hand from your mouth and not-so-gently fucking you like a breeding whore, and he’s not sure if he’s saying it because he wants to make sure chaewon hears or just because he desperately wants to hear you for himself. 

“fuck!” you exclaim, tears flowing freely down your cheeks. “s-so big!”

“oh, sweetheart,” he rambles, “who were you fucking before? they didn’t deserve this tight little pussy. they didn’t fuck you like you deserve to be fucked — like a good little whore.” 

“‘m n-not a whore,” you tearily insist, somehow convinced that he means his words. you’re not completely inexperienced, but you’re not a whore, right?

but your innocence only makes him wanna ruin you more, claim you completely. 

“you’re taking cock so well, but you wanna tell me you’re not a whore?” he snickers meanly, and you feel so delirious, you find yourself agreeing with what he says. 

the lewd sounds of skin meeting skin and the sharp knocking of the headboard fill the room, and the heat you feel building up inside of you has you seeing stars. beomgyu pulls you in for a sloppy, wet kiss as he finally lets one of your legs down in order to snake his hand against your clit, which he languidly rolls in the midst of his pistoning in and out of you. 

“are you gonna come for me?” he asks as his lips part from yours. “are you gonna come all over my cock?” 

“y-yes, please,” you sob. “wanna come!”

“then do it, baby. let go for me,” and with the way he’s rolling your clit while fucking into you, you can’t help but comply.

he hisses when he feels you contracting around him, tightening up even more than before and pulling him in impossibly deeper. that’s all it takes, really, before he comes undone himself and sprays his thick, hot load into your spasming pussy. 

he collapses on top of you, and both of you take a few moments just to catch your breath before he pulls out of you with a wince. he’s absolutely enthralled by the way the mix of both of you two’s cum leaks out of you as soon as he does so. he’s almost tempted to swirl it back in and plug you up, but his rational side stops him before he can do anything he’ll regret. 

“are you on the pill?” he asks, and you nod.

“good, go ahead and get a plan b, too. just in case,” he says with a quick kiss to your forehead, and you nod with a delirious smile even in spite of his pedantic words. you’re just so happy you got to sleep with him, be closer to him.

“oh, i almost forgot to actually tell you,” he laughs. “i think fucking you will make chaewon jealous. i think we put on a pretty good show tonight, don’t you?” 

and your heart and your hope and your dignity shatter like nothing else. 

“y-yeah,” you try to reply with a laugh, but it sounds more forced than anything else you’ve ever heard in your life. “it was a really good show.”

-

“you slept with him?!” soobin asks, and he seems beyond frustrated. if you had the guts to look him in his eyes, though, you’d notice just how much hurt is in them. 

“y-yeah…” you mumble, face downcast.

“why? why would you do that? you’re just going to be even more hurt!” he exclaims, and you shrink into yourself even more, not out of fear, but out of pure shame. 

“i don’t know! it all just happened so fast, a-and i, i don’t know, i just couldn’t stop myself,” is all you manage to say. soobin groans at your words. 

“you do realize that getting over him is going to be even harder for you now, right?” he asks, and you finally look up at him for a second before looking back down and nodding, and it’s almost like you’re a child who got caught doing something they knew was wrong.

“i know, and i’m sorry,” you mutter, still struggling to make eye contact, but soobin catches your timidity and his gaze is softened as he pulls your face up to look at him. 

“you don’t have to apologize to me,” he sighs. “i’m just worried about you, you know?” 

“i know, i know. but i’m still really sorry.” and you don’t have to elaborate on why that is because you both know that he’ll be the one helping you pick up the pieces when this situation inevitably breaks your heart even more than it’s already broken, if that’s even possible.

“it’s alright,” he says, pulling you in for a hug that’s so warm and kind you almost burst into tears. “you’ll be alright. i’m here.” 

-

this is a bad idea. soobin would yell at you if you told him what you’re up to, but you don’t want to think about that right now. all you want to think about is how much better you’ll feel after you get your secret feelings off of your chest. up until now, the fear of rejection has made you too afraid to tell beomgyu how you really feel, but things can’t get much worse than they are at present, can they? it’s only been a few days since your hookup with beomgyu, but your love is eating you alive and you doubt that you’ll be able to hold it in for much longer.

things will probably go badly, and he’ll probably be completely blindsided, but the thought of continuing to lie to beomgyu’s face hurts more than anything else ever could. even more than the pain you feel every day that he unconsciously hurts your feelings. maybe this will ruin your friendship, but you love beomgyu, and he loves you, even if it’s not in the way that you want. all you can do is hope that your friendship is strong enough to overcome this.

with that mindset, you find yourself at his doorstep on this particularly cool summer night. you know he’s home because you can hear the faint sounds of whatever movie he’s watching emanating from his door. before you can lose your nerve, you begin to rapidly knock. before long, you hear the shuffling of feet nearing you, and you almost bolt then and there, but he’s quick to open the door when he realizes it’s just you.

“what are you doing here?” he asks, agitation apparent. oh god, were you interrupting something? what if he was working? what if he was sleeping? you should've texted before just showing up unannounced. 

“i-i’m sorry, are you busy?” you ask sheepishly.

“... no,” he says after a slight pause, and he opens the door to let you in. you sit yourself on his couch, posture ramrod straight due to how fucking uncomfortable you are, and you try to steady your breathing as you fiddle with your fingers. 

“is this about chaewon?” he asks, breaking the silence, and your heart aches at the trace of hope in his words.

“n-no, nothing like that. i just —”

“is there any update on that?” he cuts in before you can even get your words out.

“oh, um, not really,” you reply before remembering that something has happened, but you’ve been so out of it, it genuinely didn't occur to you to tell him. “wait, actually, she mentioned that you seem different lately, but she, uh, she’s still… well, to be honest, she’s —” 

“what? she’s still what?” and there’s no patience for your rambling to be seen.

“she’s still not interested in dating you,” you mumble, unable to look him in the eyes when you say it. he’s completely silent after your words, and when you do finally gather enough guts to actually look at him, you really, really wish you had just kept your face down. because he’s pissed. 

“are you fucking with me? she really said that?” he asks, and you nod. 

“why didn’t you tell me earlier?!” and you feel so disoriented at the way things are unfolding that you can barely croak out a reply.

“i-i forgot.” 

“you forgot? jesus christ, if it’s not about her, then why are you here?” he seems angrier than you’ve ever seen him, but his words get you to finally remember what you’re here for.

“i just… i needed to talk to you,” you say pleadingly, looking into his eyes as you try your hardest to give yourself the strength to be honest with him.

“about?” 

it takes all of the courage in your poor little heart to choke out your next words. 

“beomgyu, you know, for the longest time, i’ve —”

“i know,” he impatiently snaps. you’re unsure of what he’s referencing, but you do know he has no idea about the feelings you’ve kept hidden for so long. 

“no. no, you don’t know, actually,” you argue, brave face on, but voice shakier than a leaf. “i just need to tell you that i —”

“that you love me? i know, that’s what i just fucking said,” he sighs irritatedly. “why else would you help me? ‘cause you love me so much, right?” he knows it’s wrong to take his frustration out on you, but you’re so pathetic, you make it too damn easy. you’re the perfect outlet for him to unleash all of his anger.

“you… you knew? this entire time?” you ask incredulously. you feel like you’re suffocating in the face of his callousness and disgust, and the room feels smaller than it did before.

“i mean, yeah. it was kind of obvious,” he muses. your cheeks feel so hot you’re sure you’re on the brink of immolation. it was obvious? if it was obvious, then why did he keep you around in the first place? because you’re useful when it comes to helping him get his dick wet?

“so… so why did you…” you trail off, still finding it inconceivable that the beomgyu you know and love could possibly know about your feelings; and not only are they unreciprocated by him, which you could understand and respect, but they’re nothing more than a fucking joke and means to an end. the end in question being burying himself into other women.

“why did i act like i didn’t know? because i don't feel the same way,” he answers, and you already knew it and knew it well, but that doesn't make it any more digestible to hear.

“y-yeah, but you — how could you still sleep with me? how could you do that to me?” you ask, lips wobbling and voice cracking. you can't believe this. you won't believe this. you have to be misunderstanding something somewhere. there's just no way this is it.

“because it was easy,” he says with a shrug, and your heart shatters into a million pieces. 

because it was easy. 

easy. what a funny word. you don’t think you even fully comprehend what it means in this context, actually. easy, easy, easy, but what part of this has been easy for you? every day, it’s like you’re killing yourself by trying to twist into what he wants you to be. a friend, a confidant, and now, even a lover. but lover is being too generous, isn't it? because he does not love you, not even as a friend, and this discovery becomes clearer and clearer as you think back to every time he’s shown you just how little he cares.

soobin’s litany of warnings come back to haunt you with a vengeance. 

he’s just using you. 

he’s garbage.

he’s just gonna hurt you.

and though you know soobin will take no pleasure in being correct, you can't help but dread the “i told you so” you know he will never be mean enough to say, but will inevitably think.

“i thought we were friends,” you say incredulously, dread and anxiety pooling in the deepest recesses of your heart. “i thought you cared about me” 

and he doesn’t shrug or anything because he doesn’t really need to, but he might as well seeing as how it clearly makes no difference to him. and this is finally how you come to understand that beomgyu is just as bad as everyone says. maybe even a little worse. and he will continue to act like a sociopath for as long as you let him. 

“i-i love you, i really do. but no fucking way. i won’t sit here and let you treat me like shit,” you declare, tears flowing down your cheeks so quickly and steadily you’d probably be unable to wipe them away even if you tried. luckily or unluckily, you don’t even have the strength to find out. 

“you’re going to regret this,” you whisper, and it’s said with such certainty that for a moment, he almost believes you. almost, but not quite.

either way, you’re booking it out of his door before he can even reply.

-

this is everything beomgyu ever could’ve asked for. chaewon is sitting next to him on his bed, eyes dark with lust as she unceremoniously grabs the end of her top and tugs it off. she's beautiful, no doubt about that, but he feels more and more like something is incredibly wrong. 

she leans in to press her lips onto his, but he flinches, scooting almost imperceptibly further away from her on the bed. she falters for a moment before sighing and crawling on all fours to situate herself between his legs. she begins to unzip his pants and tug on his waistband before he frantically stops her.

“w-what are you doing?” he asks, voice shaking.

“blowing you, what does it look like i’m doing?” she replies with a roll of her eyes. “i just wish i had known you wouldn’t be into kissing or, like, actual foreplay, but whatever.” she continues her movement to pull his pants down before he stops her again. 

“what’s wrong?” she asks curiously, before finally realizing that he is, to what would normally be his eternal shame, completely soft. her mouth drops in shock, and in another universe, beomgyu has enough energy to care. but not in this one. in this one, his eyes are teary as he feels an implacable sense of dread he can’t seem to shake off. 

“oh god,” she says with conviction, pulling herself back up and running one hand through her hair. “i knew this would happen.” 

beomgyu, on his part, looks somewhat out of it, but her words bring him back to earth. 

“knew what would happen?” he asks tentatively, sniffling for reasons unknown to him while he tries not to let his tears run over his waterlines.

“i knew you’d act like this because of her,” she says begrudgingly. 

his eyebrows furrow for a second, not because he doesn’t already know who she’s talking about, but because he doesn’t understand the correlation between you and the situation he presently finds himself in.

“think about it,” she says slowly, condescendingly. “who do you trust, like, actually? and i’m not just talking about with getting girls, but with everything.” beomgyu is silent as he tries to comprehend what she's saying, but he’s nothing if not slow on the uptake in regards to human emotion. 

“oh, beomgyu, come the fuck on,” she sighs in frustration. “i mean, when you were stressed about that presentation for your job, who did you call? yunjin told me all about it. she said you spent hours reciting a 15 minute presentation to the girl you supposedly don’t give a fuck about.” ah. he remembers that night, actually, and he remembers it well. he called you in a panic, so you brought over some dinner because you knew he was stressed, but he was so wound up that you didn’t leave and even insisted that he practice with you in order to give him feedback. he spent the whole night repeating the same speech over and over again, but you sat patiently and encouragingly as he repeated the boring, inconsequential drivel to you. you never complained, not even once, and you didn’t ask him for any compensation in the form of him doing something — anything — similar for you, either. even if you had, he realizes, he wouldn't have given any to you, anyway.

“that’s…” 

“and that’s not even all of it. who’s the first one you look for when you walk into a room? and when something good happens, who do you tell first? not anybody else, and i know for a fact that it’s not me, never will be,” she says bitterly. every new point slashes at his heart and ego.

and suddenly, things start making sense, albeit in the worst possible way. beomgyu loves you. his trust and dependence on you all make an awful sort of sense, but in a way, it’s relieving to finally be able to put a name to this feeling. his eyes still feel hot, but not so much because something feels wrong, but because things finally feel right for the first time in forever. he loves you, has loved you, and will continue to love you.

her words resonate with him so deeply, she can read it all over his face. it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he finally understands, but he’s still missing an important fact. the most important fact, even. 

“yeah, i guess you finally get it now. you have feelings for her. and the worst thing is: you treat her like shit.” his eyes widen and the tears that were just threatening to escape are completely let loose. how could he only come to this realization after he already effectively stomped on your heart and your pure intentions? after you’ve made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with him anymore? and he has nobody but himself to blame, really; he practically shoved you away over and over and over again. 

“i-i didn’t mean to —” 

“sure, of course you didn’t,” she says with a sarcastic smile. “whatever makes you feel better for fucking over the girl who’s been in love with you for years.”

-

beomgyu may not know much about the inner workings of interpersonal relationships, but he does know he needs to see you, and he’s smart enough to understand that he needs to apologize. 

but beomgyu has never apologized for anything in his life — not unless you count the times his mother made him grit them out as a child when he would objectively do something wrong, but this is another matter entirely. nobody will be holding his hand as he does it, and he’s not even really sure where to start. but he knows he has to try.

surely there’s a better place to try than at the bar where he currently finds himself, but then, there’s no time like the present. not to mention that he has a sneaking suspicion that you're avoiding all of your mutual friends’ get-togethers for the sole purpose of avoiding him. if the blocking of all of his socials wasn’t enough, the blocking of his phone number certainly was.

it’s not necessarily fate’s fault that he finds himself here, either. he heard from a friend (chaewon) that you’d be here tonight. he sees you from across the bar looking lively and chatty, and he prays that the good mood you seem to be in will help soften the upcoming conversation with him. to his luck, you step out of the bar to take a call, so he slides from his seat with an open beer bottle in tow, and follows you outside. 

your back is turned, and he doesn’t quite hear what you’re talking about over the phone, but he does catch a giggle and a name, soobin’s, and it makes his heart ache. when you hang up, you turn to head back into the bar, but you’re met with his figure. 

“h-hey,” he says, and he wants to smack himself for the casual greeting he still managed to fuck up.

your eyes widen for a moment before they go blank, and you’re pushing past him without a response. 

“i need to talk to you,” he says, voice trembling as he grabs the back of your elbow, which you snatch out of his grip like his touch is poison. 

“about?” you ask curtly, barely even deigning to turn your head to look at him. you have never been so hostile towards anyone, let alone him, and it's making him spiral. 

“i’m sorry. i’m just really, really sorry,” he desperately apologizes. you’re silent for a few moments as you turn to completely face him with your arms crossed, and he’s trying his damndest to read your expression, but he can’t quite make it out.

“okay… and?” is all you say in response, and he fumbles over his words at your nonchalance. 

“a-and, um, i —”

“you know what?” you cut in with an impatient sigh and a wave of your hand. “i don’t care anymore. you’ve said enough.”

“but i —” 

“i don’t care, beomgyu.” and his name is said in such disgust that it sounds to him like it’s a chore for you to spit out. you’re about to turn and reenter the bar when his next words come tumbling out. 

“i think — i know —  i love you,” he says urgently, and your previously unreadable gaze turns into one of pure, sheer amusement. you’re so amused, you laugh, even. 

“what the fuck are you talking about?” you say between giggles.

“i-i didn’t realize it before, but i talked to chaewon, and she even said that i’ve probably always felt that way about you. i know i didn’t show it, but i really do love —”

“okay, just stop. stop it right there, beomgyu. i’m only going to say it just this once, so listen carefully, okay?” you ask, and he fervently nods. 

“okay. you don't know the first thing about love.” and he goes to interrupt you, but you don’t let him. “loving somebody means you put their feelings above your own. what the hell would you know about that?” 

“i’m… i know i was wrong, b-but i —” 

“beomgyu,” you say exasperatedly. “i’m so glad you’re finally reaching enlightenment, and i’m so happy i was cannon fodder for you to use to get there. but i just really, really don’t care anymore, okay? do what you want with whoever you want, but don’t bother me about it anymore, alright?” and he’s so stunned he can’t even form words, but you just shake your head and prepare to leave again. unconsciously, he goes to grab you again, which you consequently dodge, and he thinks this is the most rejected he’s ever felt before realizing it’s not over yet. it’s only truly over when you grab his bottle from him and splash its contents across his face before throwing the bottle back into his arms and leaving for good.

part ii: cardigan

beomgyu can’t tell if his eyes are stinging from the alcohol you splashed in his face or from the sheer humiliation he feels. maybe from both. probably from both. either way, tears fall as a result. he probably looks like a madman as he stumbles along the concrete on his walk home from the bar. he still has the beer bottle you shoved at him in his hand, and luckily for him, there’s still enough in there to help him get a little tipsier than he already is. he needs it, too, because your words play like a broken record in his head.

you don’t know the first thing about love. 

do what you want with whoever you want, but don’t bother me about it anymore.

each and every word feels like you knew exactly the right thing to say to pierce his heart, but he knows better than to think you cared enough to think about it to the point of choosing them so carefully. no, the words you said were what you really felt at the moment. you didn’t even have to try to hurt him, you just had to tell the truth. somehow, that hurts even more. 

he replays the entire debacle in his head and tries to think of what he could have said differently. to be honest, there are a lot things, but he has a feeling that no matter what he said, you would’ve reacted the same exact way. if he really thinks about it, maybe some small, ugly part of him hoped you’d forgive him as easily as you have always been wont to do, but it's clear to him now that he was just being delusional. maybe he was still under the impression that you’d be as easy to please as ever, but with how repulsed you seemed to be by his words, his touch, him, he has no such expectations anymore.

he now finds himself at an impasse. where does he go from here? you made it clear that you’re done with him, but he still loves you. you don't want his love anymore, so where is that love supposed to go? the only person he feels like he can ask no longer wants to speak to him. he’s unsure if he wants to turn to you because you’d understand, or just because you’re the only person he trusts.

needless to say, the walk home from the bar is a long one, indeed. one filled with pensive silence, save for the steady sound of swigs being taken from his bottle and the occasional sob. 

-

most people in your friend group have no idea what transpired between you and beomgyu, but the smart ones, like taehyun, know something must have happened by the way you avoid hangouts in which beomgyu is present like the plague. he doesn’t pry when you bail, though, for which you are thankful. a few weeks pass before you have the epiphany that beomgyu has already ruined enough, and you won’t let him ruin your friendships, too.

when you show up to taehyun’s for his celebratory house party in lieu of a promotion at his job, everyone cheers when you walk through the door, which makes your cheeks heat up, and you feel so relieved that your friends are still the same even when it feels like it’s been an eternity since you’ve seen them. taehyun pulls you in for a hug, and you eagerly reciprocate it.

“glad you made it,” he grins. 

“i wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you say with a smile, which just makes him beam even more.

you’re pleasantly surprised to note that beomgyu is nowhere to be seen, and you relax for a bit before falling into the familiar rhythm that is being with your friends. you missed this. you missed them. and it seems like they’ve missed you just as much if their excited chatter is anything to go by. you were, admittedly, a little tense when you first came in, but all of that melts away as you join in on the banter and pure fun that is being with the people you love the most.

although beomgyu is nowhere to be found, soobin still never leaves your side. he watches the door like a hawk, and you feel at ease with the knowledge that he’s beside you regardless of the outcome. so what if beomgyu shows up? you belong here, and you have soobin and the rest of your friends with you. knowing beomgyu like you do, his passing fancy has almost certainly ended and he will ignore you like the son of a bitch that he is. 

with this notion in mind, you are not at all prepared for the way the aforementioned boy slams taehyun’s front door open and drunkenly stumbles in. the room gets quiet after he does so, and everyone stares as he scans the room with blank, reddened eyes. when his gaze catches yours, you break eye contact almost immediately, opting to turn to soobin with what you hope is an unbothered look, not to keep up any pretenses with him, but because you don’t want anyone other than him to know how uncomfortable you are. in turn, he grabs your hand and laces his fingers with yours, giving your hand a small, reassuring squeeze, and he does not move to unlace his hand with yours even after he does it.

while you’re trying to be discreet, beomgyu is anything but as he continues to stare at you with a dumbed out look on his face. the intense atmosphere is only broken when taehyun stands up to greet him with a side hug and a pat on the other boy’s back. 

“hey, gyu. i’m happy you’re here,” he says.

“mm,” beomgyu replies, eyes still never leaving you and lingering at the way you and soobin have your hands joined, and taehyun’s casual side hug turns into him having to support beomgyu’s weight as beomgyu almost falls over while standing. 

“you’re really fucking drunk,” taehyun murmurs with a wrinkled nose as he smells the alcohol on beomgyu’s entire person. “c’mon, you can relax in my room for a bit.”

beomgyu can only nod as he leans on taehyun for stability and walks towards taehyun’s room. his gaze on you only breaks when taehyun shuts the door behind him, and if your friends didn’t know that something odd was afoot with the two of you, they certainly seem to know now as they look between taehyun’s room and your awkward figure.

“you okay?” a soft, sweet voice whispers. you turn to soobin and muster up a forced smile and a nod. his hand is still holding yours and he soothingly brushes his thumb over your hand in order to try to calm you down. somehow, it actually kind of works. 

-

you’re here. beomgyu thought he may be hallucinating or something just because you seem to haunt him everywhere he goes now, but he knew it was the real thing when he saw how uncomfortable you were. he knows this because in his delusions, you’re either flatout rejecting him or, in the good ones, you’re forgiving him. those are the ones he likes the most, but he hates the sobering aftermath when he realizes they are, in fact, only figments of his imagination.

so now he sits on taehyun’s bed in a daze as he focuses on the door. you’re so close that his heart physically aches in yearning as it insists on closing the distance between you two, but taehyun’s sharp look stops him from doing anything too terribly stupid. 

“this has got to stop,” taehyun halfway pleads, halfway scolds.

“what does?” beomgyu asks dumbly.

“showing up everywhere drunk as hell,” he replies. “look, i don’t know what’s going on, but i know it has to do with her, and i know you’re probably — definitely — in the wrong.” 

beomgyu has enough shame to hang his head and purse his lips in response.

“i don’t know what you did, i don’t know what you said, but whatever it was, i know you’re not making any of it better by getting fucked up every night. stay in here, sober up, and only come out when you’re ready to act like an adult.” and with that, taehyun stalks over to the door before shutting it behind him.

beomgyu is not stupid, but he’s not exactly emotionally intelligent, either; so while taehyun’s words sting, they’re not enough to pull him out of his pity party. all he seems to care about in this moment is being next to you, but he remembers the scene of your hands locking with soobin’s. are you seeing each other now? that can’t be it. the heart does not move on that quickly, but maybe yours did. maybe you buried your feelings for him as deep as they could go in the face of the seemingly repulsive confession of love he gave to you. maybe you belong with somebody like soobin, who’s so gentle and caring. soobin definitely listens to you, cherishes you, treats you gently. maybe beomgyu didn’t exactly understand it before now, but he really understands it at this moment: soobin loves you.

maybe, in a way, he always sort of knew. maybe he felt some sort of sick satisfaction at the way you kept your eyes trained on him while soobin was training his eyes on you. maybe he felt some 12-year-old boy kind of pride at the way you seemed to put him before anyone else in spite of such a viable prospective suitor, but any contentment he may have felt is flushed away at the anxiety of you having somebody so good right besides you — somebody who is obviously much better than him.

do you feel the same way? no, even before that, are you okay? he knows he hurt you really badly. are you still hurting? he wants to know. he has to know. so before he can talk himself out of it, he’s stumbling towards the door.

-

things are still pretty tense when taehyun walks out, but they begin to calm down after everyone asks if beomgyu is alright and taehyun answers in the positive, and you think you might just be in the clear before realizing things are never that easy. beomgyu stumbles out of the door and his gaze immediately locks on you.

“hey,” he says a little too loudly. the room is quiet, and though he didn’t say who he was addressing, it’s obvious it’s you with the way he’s staring so intensely. 

“hey,” he repeats even louder this time. to his chagrin, soobin is still next to you, but that doesn’t mean he can’t slide into the open space on the other side of you. of course, propriety would say that he shouldn’t, but propriety means nothing to beomgyu at this moment. not when he’s so drunk he smells like rubbing alcohol, and not when he’s so openly desperate he looks like a man gone mad.

with no grace to be seen, he plops down next to you, and even through your clothes and his jeans, his legs against yours still feel like they burn you. you try to move to avoid his touch so aggressively that poor, large soobin is squeezed into the armrest even more; and it’s all for naught, anyway, because beomgyu just scoots himself even closer. 

“how’re you?” he slurs, and though everyone tries their best not to seem like they’re eavesdropping, they most certainly are. no matter how hard they try not to stare, their gazes keep flicking towards the two of you and their voices are a little more hushed. you’re beyond embarrassed, but beomgyu doesn’t seem to mind their looks one bit.

“beomgyu…” you whisper exasperatedly, accepting your fate as the spectacle that you currently are and trying to nip it in the bud with your obvious distaste for the situation.

“i jus’ wanna know how you are,” he says desperately as he senses your clear rejection, but to his eventual regret, he doesn't stop. you try to keep your voice low as you say your next words.

“good. look, i really don’t wanna do this with you right now. i have nothing to say to you and you don’t have anything to say to me that i actually want to hear, so i think it’s best if —” 

“but i told you i love you!” he exclaims, and everyone around you ceases to pretend that they aren’t listening. how can they even pretend when he’s quite literally yelling? you don’t notice a thing, though. you’re too absorbed in the melodrama unfolding before you, in which you are in the starring role. “i… i jus’ love you so much, i —” and before he can get out his next words, you’re swiftly standing up with soobin in tow and thanking taehyun for the invite while shuffling out of the front door.

-

beomgyu is devastated when you leave. he takes to walking outside to taehyun’s balcony as he lets tears roam freely down his reddened face. he thinks he’s alone before he hears somebody opening the door and shutting it behind them.

“do you seriously still not get it?” chaewon sneers.

“get what?” he sniffles, and she lets out a long-suffering sigh before she gets out her next words.

“you love her, right? and you miss her?” she asks slowly, as if he’s so stupid, he wouldn’t understand her if she said it any other way.

“of course i do,” he snaps, not appreciating the condescension in her tone, but all the bite is lost in translation because he looks nothing short of pathetic as his tears steadily fall. 

“right. you love her, you miss her, you want to talk to her. you, you, you. it’s still all about you and what you feel, but what about what she feels?” she asks, and he falters at her words. “all you’re doing is making things hard on her, and i can promise you that this ‘woe-is-me’ shit you’re doing right now isn’t gonna change her mind.” 

he thinks back to how you acted when you loved him — how you bent over backwards to try to conceal your feelings so as not to inconvenience him. how everything you did was to make life easier on him, no matter how difficult it was for you. yes, you loved him, but you did it in a way he could accept. you did things his way, and for so long; and all he’s done in return is demand your love in his way, yet again.

“so what do i do?” he earnestly asks. “how do i get her back?” 

“... after what you've done to her? you don't,” she answers after a pause, and he deflates at her words. she’s right, of course.

he thinks about how he’d feel if you treated him the way he treated you. he feels like his heart is dying in his chest just at the memory of you rejecting him, but to be rejected so cruelly? what do you even do with yourself then? he wonders how people live with that kind of hurt, but then, you did it for so long and were even able to paste a smile on your face as you did it. he remembers when he thought that you were a horrible actress because of how he could still see through you despite how bothered you obviously were by his actions, but only now does he understand how much resilience it must've taken. somehow, it just makes him miss you even more. makes him love you even more.

-

beomgyu is a pervert. a sick-in-the-head, nasty, freakish, bottom-of-the-barrel, lowdown, dirty pervert. that's the only way he can accurately describe himself in this moment, and the guilt is strong, but not stronger than his need to let this dream play out the way he wants it to. and the way he wants it to goes like this:

your naked body is splayed across beomgyu’s bed as you watch him undress with watery eyes. 

“i need you, gyu,” you whimper as tears threaten to fall.

“shh, baby. lemme take care of you,” he whispers as he lines himself up with your entrance.

you brace yourself by locking your hands around his neck as he pushes in, and you both groan as your pussy struggles to take him in. it’s so real, he feels you spasm around him like it did on the night you spent together, and he knows he’s a goner.

he lets you adjust for a few moments before slowly pulling out, then thrusting himself back in again. each stroke feels like heaven as you cry out with every movement. he grips your hips, but he tries his best not to hurt you when he does it. you’re far too precious to leave marks on, after all. 

beomgyu gets lost in the feeling all too quickly. he wants to be uncharacteristically gentle, but the feeling of you squeezing around him makes his eyes redden, and before long, he’s drilling into you. 

“‘m close!” you cry out.

“me too, baby,” he whispers, and the feeling of you clenching around him as you come is enough to send him over the edge. he spills himself into you with a broken moan. 

“i love you,” he says desperately as he tries to catch his breath. but even in his dreams, you don’t reply. 

-

soobin has always been sweet, but ever since the beomgyu incident he’s been even sweeter. he shows up to your place with your favorite snacks and never asks any unsavory questions. he takes your calls in the dead of night when he’s clearly been trying to sleep. he holds your hand when you start to space out. 

at first, it was easy to chalk it all up to what best friends do, but as the physical intimacy begins to increase, you start suspecting that something deeper is going on. you are not a cruel person — you’re not the type to pretend not to see something so clear when it inconveniences you (unlike a certain someone). so when soobin places your head on his shoulder during a movie night, against your meek disposition, you ask him a very simple question.

“binnie, do you like me?” and you don’t quite have the courage to look up at him while you ask him, opting to stare at the screen before you.

“yeah. yes, i do,” he replies, and while you would rather continue to avoid eye contact, you have enough respect for him to sit up and look him in his eyes.

“i’m so sorry,” you say, because what else can you say? 

“i know. i know you don’t feel the same way, you don’t have to tell me,” he answers with a soft, forced smile.

“i don’t wanna hurt you.”

“i know you don’t.”

“what can i do?” you ask sincerely.

“i… i don’t need you to do anything. if you need me, you have me. if you don’t need me, you still have me,” he tells you.

“that’s not fair to you.”

“then just give me some time,” he replies. “i’ll get over it if you just give me some time.”

“okay,” you nod.

“are you sure you’ll be okay?” he asks, still as concerned about you as ever. as if you’re not breaking his heart.

“i will be,” you lie. regardless of whether he believes you or not, he nods and gathers his things before leaving.

-

you are, in the most crass of terms, pissy drunk. your sticky situation with soobin is one for the history books, if you do say so yourself, and you lack the proper vernacular at the moment to express just how awful it is. who knew your best friend on this planet had secret feelings for you? well, it seems like everyone, actually, because as you confide in your friends, none seem to be particularly surprised. it appears that you’re the last one to find out. 

of course, you’re only able to deal with the revelation by visiting your favorite bar. against your better judgment, you go alone. usually, you’d ask soobin to come with you, but you can’t do that with the way things are right now, which just makes you feel even worse. you’re on drink number three (or four…  or five…) when an unknown man slides into the barstool next to you. you don’t quite catch his name, but you know you’re not interested in him, or, well, anyone at the moment. you’re far too distracted by your current circumstances to even entertain the thought of another man right now, but even as you deny, deny, deny him, he doesn’t quite seem to get the message.

your vision is blurred as you try to hint to him for what must be the umpteenth time that you’re not looking for anything at the moment, but he still doesn’t understand, and you’re starting to feel every ounce of alcohol you’ve consumed until now. you place your head in your hands as you try to keep the room from spinning, but it doesn’t seem to help, and you can feel his hand squeezing your upper thigh. you’re not the most assertive person at the best of times, and you are certainly even less so in your drunken state, so you’re trying to gather your bearings to reject him once and for all when you feel an arm sliding around your neck. 

“there you are, baby. who’s this?” a baritone voice asks rather loudly, a voice you’d recognize anywhere. beomgyu’s. your gut reaction is to push him off and cuss him out, but even with your delayed reactions, you’re able to register that he’s trying to help you out as you lock eyes with his hesitant brown ones.

“gyu,” you say with what you hope is a believable smile. 

“you’re taken?” the man asks disappointedly.

“yep,” you reply, and he scoffs before pushing out his barstool so abruptly, the chair squeaks before storming away. 

“are you alright?” beomgyu asks quietly.

“‘m fine,” you tell him as you rip his arm off from your shoulder. “i don’t need your help.” 

“i know!” he exclaims a little too desperately. “i-i know that, i just —” but the universe smacks you across the face as you begin to gag, alcohol choosing now of all times to rock your stomach with a vengeance. you begin to try to scramble off of the stool, but you’re so drunk, you’re having trouble even standing up. 

without any prompting, beomgyu hurriedly pulls you up and places your arm around his shoulder before hustling you to the bathroom. you don’t even have time to close the door behind you before you’re hunched over the toilet and choking vomit out of your throat. beomgyu slams the door behind him and rushes over to your pitiful frame before shushing you and rubbing circles into your back in an attempt to calm you down. in turn, you bat his hands away without even condescending to look at him when you do it. his heart stings, but he realizes it’s not about him as you lurch forward and continue to empty your stomach. 

when you’re finally finished, you feel a wet paper towel gently rubbing the sweat off of your forehead, then it travels down to your lips where vomit still pools around them. beomgyu intently cleans you up without saying a word.

“a-are you alright?” he asks meekly, and as if only now registering that it’s him, you push his hands away and say your next words. 

“i thought i told you i didn’t need your fucking help. i hate when people make me repeat myself, didn’t you know?” he winces at your harsh words and sharpness of tone.

“i… i know. i’m sorry. i just thought that you might want somebody with you. i’m really sorry.” and even through your drunken stupor, you know he’s not just apologizing for his interference. but you don’t care.

“and why would i want you?” he’s silent at this before finally replying. 

“you know, when you told me i’d regret it, i didn’t really understand what you meant; but i understand it now. i’m really, really regretting it. i should’ve listened to you,” he says softly with tears brimming in his reddened eyes. 

you’re at a loss for words at this. what do you say? what can you say besides “i told you so”? somehow, that doesn’t quite do the sentiment justice.

part iii: betty

after vomiting, you actually feel like you’ve sobered up quite a bit, but you’re still not speaking, which beomgyu takes to heart.

“i can’t — i’m just really, really sorry,” he brokenly sobs in the face of your silence. “so sorry.” 

“i know,” you reply after a pause, and you do know. you didn’t before, but his pathetic actions and demeanor have shown you that he means what he says. your acknowledgment of his repentance just makes him cry even harder, though. because it doesn’t seem to have changed a thing.

“i was a bastard. i was so fucking awful to you when you were just trying to help me, and i didn’t know what i had until you were gone,” he continues, quite openly sobbing at this point. he looks like a man gone mad as he cries in the public restroom of a bar, but what's the point of trying to keep his cool now? maybe this way, you’ll understand just how much he means what he says.

but you’re the victim. you’re the one who should be crying her heart out at the moment. you didn’t even do anything besides reject him after he’s been continuously rejecting you and treating you like gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe for years. why does he get to cry and get what he wants? what about you?  you want to hold onto this injustice, but the way he crumbles in front of you makes your heart soften. no matter how angry you may be, you can't help but try to reason with him.

“beomgyu, i know you’re sorry. i really do,” you sigh, and your tone tells him everything he needs to know, but he still hangs onto every word as if they’re the most important things he’ll ever hear. still, he feels dread at what you have to say next tugging on his heartstrings.

“but it’s just not enough. you treated me like i was garbage for years. you used me and my feelings, and tossed me away whenever you wanted.” and he withers even more with every word. “and i let you do it because i loved you and i thought you didn’t know how i felt, but you fucking knew what you were doing; and you still slept with me while knowing how i felt about you. how can you expect me to forgive you for that?” you ask, and it is not completely rhetorical. you seem to be searching for an answer, but he doesn’t have one. he never did. if he could figure out how to justify any of his actions, he would, but he can’t seem to come up with anything even as he scrambles for a response. 

he knows he's losing you, so why not just be honest? as a last ditch effort, he lays everything out on the table. 

“you said you loved me,” he says. “m-maybe, if i can be better, you’ll love me again. i can be good for you, i-i know i can. so if you just —” 

“beomgyu,” you interrupt, though not maliciously. you seem to have some level of patience for him even in spite of everything. “i still love you. love was never the problem.” and he can’t help but feel a shred of hope bud in the wake of your words, but it’s killed in its crib at what you say next. “but that’s just not enough anymore. the way you’ve been feeling for the past few weeks is how i’ve felt for years. i bet you can’t even imagine that — i don’t even want you to imagine that, actually. it just hurts too much.” 

and while you just said that you didn’t want him to, he can’t help but envision exactly that: the feeling that he had when you were with soobin multiplied exponentially. and for so long. and with different people. that same pain over and over and over again with no reprieve besides for the hope that someday, if you’re lucky, you might have a chance. someday, maybe any day, but probably not any time soon. to live like that and for so long, just thinking about it makes his heart ache and his stomach churn. 

“do you understand me now?” you ask, and gone are the traces of resentment and disgust. your gaze is only filled with pity. somehow, that makes him feel even worse. 

“y-yeah,” he says breathlessly with an inhale so sharp, it’s as if he’s in physical pain, all the while trying desperately to gather his bearings and to look and sound like a functioning member of society. he fails in light of his constant stream of tears. “i, um, i get it now.” 

“okay,” you say softly. “i’m going to call yunjin so she can pick me up. can you get home safely?” this is it. you don’t have to say it, but he knows that you two will never speak again after this. what else is there to say, after all? 

“i can.”

“good,” you smile, and he tries his best to smile, too, but he doesn’t quite make it there. “goodbye, beomgyu.”

“goodbye,” he whispers shakily, and he looks so profoundly devastated that you wish you could comfort him, but you know it’d just make things worse; so without another word, you leave him alone as you prepare to call yunjin.

beomgyu doesn’t know how long he spends in the wake of your absence, but he cries until no more tears will leave his eyes. when he's all cried out, eyes swollen and face red, he leaves the bar in a state of borderline delirium. your words echo in his unstable state of mind, and he realizes that even when you had every right to treat him like the scum of the earth, you were kinder than he could ever reasonably expect for you to be. it seems that you still gave him more than he ever deserved. as always.

-

things with soobin have stayed in an odd sort of purgatory for weeks now, but unfortunately or not, life goes on, so you don't have the luxury of ruminating on it as much as you probably need to. you don't reach out very much for fear of unwittingly making your circumstances with him even more difficult for him to move past, but that certainly doesn't mean that you don't miss him. still, you prioritize his feelings in the matter over your own and patiently await the day where he finally feels comfortable enough to be friends with you once more. he forgoes most of the gatherings that your friends arrange, and it's like a knife to the heart every time. 

as for your situation with beomgyu, you deliberately try to push that out of your mind as frequently as humanly possible. you feel like things have ended on the best note you could ever ask for, and your friends know better than to bring him up around you, so you figure that ignorance is bliss. old habits die hard, though, and you find yourself wanting to check on him, but you remind yourself that that’s not your job anymore — and it never should have been in the first place, really, which is enough to stop you in your tracks on the bad nights where you want nothing more than to reach out. you reason with yourself that he has friends, so there’s no need to concern yourself with him. 

but you miss him. you miss when you were stupid enough to believe that he didn’t know about your feelings. you wish you could go back and erase your love for him so you two could go back to just being friends. what he did was unforgivable, you know that, but you still miss all the times he made you laugh. still, that pales in comparison to all the times he made you cry, right? that's how you should look at things. that's how you will look at things. 

as it is, you’re perfectly fine with never speaking to him again. at least, that’s what you tell yourself.

-

“are you okay?” taehyun asks in a hushed tone. he hasn’t seen beomgyu in over a month now, but beomgyu finally agreed to come out with him after taehyun said he missed him. now, they are seated in a booth at the dimly lit bar just down the street from taehyun’s place.

“y-yeah,” beomgyu replies with a forced upturn of his lips as he sloshes around the non-alcoholic drink in his cup. after the last time you saw him, he decided to ditch alcohol for the time being. taehyun was right about him needing to act like an adult, and he just knows that if he were to get even a drop of alcohol in him, he’d come crawling back to you, probably to your disgust. 

“good,” taehyun sighs in relief. “i was really worried about you for a while there, you know? everyone was.”

“i know,” beomgyu answers perfunctorily. everyone has been worried about him and has said as much. well, pretty much everyone except for you. 

“are you ever gonna talk about what happened?” taehyun carefully probes, which causes beomgyu to cease all actions and stare blankly at his cup — liquid still gently swishing back and forth. 

“nothing happened that you probably didn’t already guess,” beomgyu says with a derisive smile. its sentiment is not directed at taehyun, however, but at himself. 

“that doesn't mean i don't want to hear it from you,” taehyun replies.

with a sigh of defeat, beomgyu begrudgingly recounts his circumstances with you, sparing no details. at first, taehyun's eyes widen every so often, but after a while, his face relaxes into something somber and resigned. when beomgyu is finished, his gaze remains locked on taehyun’s face, searching for any semblance of a reaction, but he remains stoic.

“well?” beomgyu asks impatiently.

“well, what?” taehyun says after a moment, and he's tempted to just leave it at that, but after looking into beomgyu’s pleading eyes, he realizes that he needs to say more. “you fucked up, but you know that already. i would say that i can't believe you did that, but if it's you, i can believe it,” he sighs, and beomgyu really wishes he hadn't pressed taehyun for more, because he feels smaller and smaller with every new word. 

“i know. i’m a piece of shit who doesn't deserve her. i never did,” beomgyu relents, feeling completely helpless. he wasn't expecting comfort or anything like that — he doesn't deserve it, but he's still hurt by taehyun's words, regardless of their validity. they just further confirm what he already knows.

“yeah, you're right,” taehyun agrees with a nod, and beomgyu deflates even more, if that's even possible. 

“is… is she okay?” beomgyu asks timidly. he's been too afraid to ask about you, but now that taehyun knows the truth, it seems pointless to beat around the bush.

“not really,” taehyun says with a twitch of his lips. 

“why not?!” beomgyu exclaims a little too loudly. taehyun hurriedly shushes him before glancing around the bar to make sure nobody’s attention has been drawn to the two of them. 

“why not?” beomgyu repeats, voice lower this time, but urgency just as palpable.

“i don't know. i think something happened between her and soobin, but neither of them will talk about it. i'm sure you can guess what happened, though,” taehyun sighs. and he's right. beomgyu can guess, but he can't quite believe it. you must've rejected soobin, but why? why would you reject someone so perfect for you? does it have anything to do with him?

-

beomgyu can’t shake the feeling that your situation with soobin has something to do with him. he knows he’s being vain, he knows he’s being selfish, but he can’t help but hope. he doesn't tell anyone about this, though, for fear that reality will be much crueler than he can cope with. he tells himself he's perfectly content with living with said hope and deluding himself into thinking he still has a place in your heart, but he can't control the way his mind wanders to places he scarcely dares to dream of these days. dreams where you miss him, where you still think about him, where you forgive him play out in a number of ways, but in the end, they're nothing more than, well, dreams.

-

as much as some would like to avoid it, gathering for taehyun’s friendsgiving party is inevitable. no matter the circumstances, nobody can quite justify missing out on your friend group’s collective tradition. you try to steel yourself for the potentially awkward encounters with soobin and beomgyu, but you can’t help but worry about potential “what if’s”. still, you decide to be as mature as possible. if you see soobin, you'll make light conversation before excusing yourself if he seems uncomfortable. if you see beomgyu, well, hopefully he'll just ignore you as you've ignored him.

when you arrive at taehyun's, you greet everyone as usual. honestly, as awful as it sounds, you're pretty relieved to see that neither soobin nor beomgyu have arrived just yet. you drink just enough to take some of the edge off, so when soobin comes in, it's not an earth-shattering event. when he greets you, you're prepared to just leave it at a cordial, somewhat distant conversation, and he seems to be on the exact same page. he says hello and performs all of the necessary niceties before wandering off and getting himself a drink. it hurts your heart that this is what your friendship has been reduced to, but you know it's what's best at the moment. you don't want to unintentionally hurt him by insisting he push his limits by being with you. 

you try to shove this out of your mind, and you're talking to yunjin about nothing in particular when beomgyu walks through the door. you can’t help but look up when he enters, but you will yourself to look away while plastering a smile on your face you already know isn’t believable in the slightest. mercifully, he doesn’t do anything other than wave at you and yunjin before getting lost in the hustle and bustle of the party.

you think the worst of the night is over, and you calmly go through the motions of your friendsgiving traditions as if everything is fine. after dinner, you find yourself sitting alone, wondering if you should just hang it up and go home a bit early. before you can do that, though, you notice soobin approaching your spot on the couch. 

“hey,” he says a little unsteadily as he plops down next to you, no doubt a little tipsy from the drinks he’s had.

“hey,” you shyly reply with a smile. 

“how are you?” he asks. 

“i’m okay,” you answer, trying to maintain your composure. “what about you?”

“better,” he says before hesitantly continuing. “i miss you.” your heart soars, but it also somewhat aches.

“i miss you, too,” you tell him honestly. he smiles, albeit very softly.

“how are things with beomgyu?” he probes.

“as good as they’ll get, i guess.”

“so not very good, huh?”

“no, not very good,” you say truthfully. 

“well, why don't you just cut the bullshit, then?” you're very clearly taken aback by his words. you're even actually offended that he could casually say such a thing.

“what are you talking about?” your tone is more defensive than bewildered, but he just looks at you with knowing eyes that make you feel microscopic.

“you know what i’m talking about,” he argues. “this whole fucked up charade that you two are performing isn’t fooling anybody, so why even try?” 

“he doesn't deserve me,” you scoff. “he can't just treat me like shit and get away with it because he's sorry now. he needs to pay for what he's done.”

“and who are you punishing by doing that? him or yourself?” you're, again, surprised, so you don't quite know what to say in response.

“i know you. i know what you want, and denying that doesn't do anything but hurt the both of you. you might as well get what you want. maybe he doesn't deserve it — i'm not really sure, but don't you want to try, at least? with how desperate he’s been acting, i don’t think he’ll hurt you again.” you seriously ponder his words, but the main conclusion you come to is that soobin is still so, so kind. he had — or has — feelings for you, but he still wants to see you happy. you don’t have to say anything, though, because it seems like he understands how grateful you are just from your smile.

he pulls you in for a hug, one so warm and loving you can't help but melt into it. you could cry at how relieved you are that you two will soon overcome the awkwardness and distance. it seems he wasn't one of your best friends for nothing. when you two break apart, you look up at him with a watery smile. before you can say anything, though, you register the odd look on his face. you look confused for just a second before he says his next words in a hushed, hurried tone.

“i'm doing this for your own good,” he whispers as he leans down and catches your lips in a tender kiss. to say you're stunned is an understatement, indeed, but the kiss ends almost as quickly as it begins, leaving you reeling. 

“w-why did you —” 

“i said it was for your own good, but it was kind of for me, too,” he softly chuckles. “maybe i want to punish him a little bit.” you don't really understand what he means until you follow his gaze and catch beomgyu in his line of sight. oh, you get it now. who knew soobin was such a sadist? 

your conversation with soobin ends and you feel a lot lighter than you have in a long, long time, but his words leave you with more than enough to think about. you shake your head and go out to the balcony to clear your head. after a few minutes, you hear the door behind you creak open. you know it's beomgyu before he even says anything. 

“so, you and soobin, huh?” he questions softly as he settles next to you, leaning against the railing. you glance up at him to respond, but his mirthless smile stops you before you can say a word. 

“i’m happy for you,” he adds as sincerely as he can, and you’re not sure you buy that, but at the very least, he seems to want you to believe it. you're not really sure how to respond. you don't even know if you want to explain everything to him, actually, because you're still debating on whether or not you should forgive him. can things really be that easy? does he deserve your forgiveness? who's to say he won't just break your heart again? as you struggle with how to answer, he continues.

“i'm, um, i'm glad you found somebody. especially soobin. he'll treat you right — you deserve it,” he says before timidly rambling. “s-sorry if i’m overstepping, i just wanted you to know that; and, uh, if you ever need anything, i'm here.”

“need anything? like what?” you can't help but wonder aloud. now, this is unlike the beomgyu you've come to know. if it were, then he'd be throwing a fit trying to get you to change your mind so you'd be with him instead of soobin. 

“l-like, if you need advice or something,” he earnestly answers, somewhat surprised you said anything at all. “or if you just want to talk or complain or anything. whatever it is that you need, i’ll be here. i owe you that much after all you’ve done for me.” you look confused for a moment before you answer him.

“i didn’t do those things so you’d owe me, beomgyu,” you tell him, and his heart flutters against his will at the use of his name.

“i-i know, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean it like that. s-sorry. i just want you to know that there’s someone who wants to be there for you, especially since you were always there for me, but even if you weren’t, i would still want to be there for you,” he nervously replies. 

“why?” you quietly ask, and that actually brings a wistful smile to his face. 

“because i care about you,” he says, voice dripping with sincerity and solemnity. what he really wants to tell you is that it's because he loves you, but it's clear that it's the wrong time. he can't just dump his feelings onto you again — that would be wrong since you're obviously involved with someone now. if it were the old him, he'd do it with absolutely no regrets if it meant that you'd come back to him, but he can't do that to you. he can't just steamroll over your wants and feelings like he's always done. 

“but why?” you question persistently. he never saw anything of value in you before, not outside of how he could use you, so what’s so great about you now? you just can’t understand it. his sincere smile turns wry, teeming with a sense of self-mockery as he whispers his next words.

“because you're amazing. you're everything anyone could ever want.” anything i could ever want. he doesn't have to say that last part, because you can already hear the meaning of his words. just because you can hear it, however, doesn't mean you understand it.

“i never thought you, of all people, would think that,” you say honestly. 

“i know, but that's my fault, not yours,” he replies. you purse your lips in response, mulling over your options. you could just walk away right now and go back to ignoring beomgyu forever. it's what he deserves, you reason. he humiliated you in a way like none other, and nobody would blame you if you never let that go; but you look at how hard he's trying, and your heart softens. maybe you want to give it a try. maybe you'll get hurt again, but with how desperate he is, you really don't think so. still, you can’t let him get away with it so easily. you just have to make sure his feelings are pure.

“i know you still have feelings for me,” you say after a long pause, and his face reddens in shame, feeling like his ugly heart that he was desperately trying to conceal has been exposed. he supposes this is the way it should be, but he doesn't want to guilt you into anything, so he chooses to remain silent in his humiliation. “if it were like before, you would just tell me that. why is it different now?” you continue. well, that's it then. he should be truthful and say what he wants to say, and unbeknownst to him, what you want to hear.

“because your feelings should be more important than my own. that's what you do when you love somebody,” he chokes out. “you taught me that.”

you're quiet for a long, long time. too long, in fact. so long, he thinks it's time to call it quits and suppress his unrequited feelings for you until he feels them no longer. he can't imagine a world where he successfully does so, but for your sake, he should try. before he can say his goodbye, though, you speak again.

“okay,” you sigh.

“what?” he asks confusedly, eyebrows furrowed.

“i said, ‘okay’. don't make me regret this,” you tell him before grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him down to you. your lips softly meet each other and his eyes widen in sheer shock, though he doesn't resist you. his breath is labored when you finally part, eyes hazy with his lips red and swollen. 

“w-what are you — i thought — why are you —”

“i'll give you one chance,” you interrupt. “if you fuck up, it's over. do you understand?” he takes a second to process your words — but it's just a second — and his eyes well up with relieved tears when he understands. he dumbly nods in agreement, too afraid that if he speaks, no intelligible noise will come out. 

“good.” the corners of your mouth curl with a ghost of a smile, and you're prepared to leave it at that as you pull away from him; but like a dog, he earnestly chases after your touch before pulling you towards him, lips meeting yours again. the kiss is hungrier this time — more insistent, but he doesn't push his luck. eventually, he parts from you, leaving you both panting. his tears, which he was previously holding back, now flow from his eyes with no resistance. 

“thank you,” he says gently.

“for what?” you ask, head a little clouded from the kiss, but he just shakes his head with a smile. you will never understand just how grateful he is for the mercy you’ve shown him, but he’ll try to show you how much it means to him. 

-

things go slowly after that — you do your best to ensure that they do; and beomgyu, to his credit, tries to oblige. you’re not official or anything like that, but you let him take you on dates, and he’s always trying to woo you in one way or another. he sends flowers when you work, he shows up to your place with food and drinks, he texts you every morning asking how you’ve slept. it’s everything you could have ever asked for, and you can really see how hard he’s trying, but when kisses become heated, you always pull away before things can go any further. beomgyu tries his best not to show his dejection, but you always end up apologizing before he adamantly insists that he’s more than okay with it. you appreciate his understanding because every time you think about going any further, you can’t help but remember the indelible scar that his previous betrayal left upon you. 

-

christmas parties at beomgyu’s, much like friendsgivings at taehyun’s, are a tradition within your friend group. now that the tension with soobin and (most of) the tension with beomgyu is no longer there, you find that you’re actually really excited to gather again. you have no intention of revealing the nature of your… circumstances with beomgyu to everyone, though, and beomgyu will never say it for fear of making you uncomfortable, but it makes his heart ache. he can't really blame you for not wanting to be tied to him, but that doesn't soothe the pain in his chest.

secret santa takes place without a hitch. that is, until you open up your gift, which is a necklace with a pendant of a silver sun, and it is revealed that soobin got it for you. it’s not the most expensive gift in the world, but it is uncommonly sentimental. many write it off as a pretty, but ultimately meaningless piece of jewelry, but beomgyu instinctively knows it’s because of how so much of you resembles the sun. how could he not understand? you’re warm and nurturing, but it’s unsettling to realize that you’re not his alone. he tries to tell himself that it's not the end of the world, but when soobin turns you around and gently clasps the necklace for you before smoothing out your hair, he can't help but feel like it is. that’s enough for him to excuse himself to his room, but you’re far too preoccupied with gushing over how much you love the gift to soobin to really notice. 

when he enters his room, he sits on the edge of his bed, placing his head in his hands with a groan. he shouldn't be feeling like this. he has no right to feel like this. you had already taken the time to explain that you and soobin are just friends, and you stressed that he’ll have to be okay with that fact if he wants to be with you, to which he eagerly agreed; but he can't help but think that it's only a matter of time before you come to your senses and leave him to be with soobin for good. 

you two aren't even technically official, and your hesitance to be classified as such to your closest friends only shows him just how much you want that to continue to be true. what if he's just a pit stop in yours and soobin's love story? that seems like the most likely outcome. he can just see it now, you and soobin laughingly recalling your tumultuous history to your future kids. is beomgyu being dramatic? probably, but that doesn't stop his mind from running wild. why would you choose to stay with him when soobin, who's been devoted to you since the beginning, is right there? 

the door to his room opens, and he whips his head up in hopes that it's you coming back to him, so he can't hide his disappointment when he's greeted by chaewon’s figure shutting the door behind her before she plops down beside him. his mood turns even more sour than it already was when he sees her.

“if you're here to laugh at me for how pathetic i am, i don’t want to hear it,” he says bitingly. she’s quiet for a moment, as if she’s digesting his words, before she nods.

“you’re right, you are pathetic,” she deadpans. his temper flares, but before he can lash out, she continues. “you look stupid just sulking here because your little girlfriend got attention from another man.”

“h-how did you kn—” 

“she may be subtle, but you definitely aren’t,” she snorts. 

“oh,” he defeatedly replies with a laughably crestfallen look.

“doesn't feel good, does it? seeing the person you love with somebody else,” she asks snarkily. “it’s one of the worst feelings in the world, if you ask me.” 

“and what the hell do you know about that?” he spits. chaewon is one of the most spiteful and bull-headed people he knows. he can't imagine her being too broken up about supposed unrequited love. 

“because that's how i feel when i look at the both of you,” she says matter-of-factly, as if she didn't just drop the bomb of the century. he knew that she was attracted to him, obviously, but he never knew her feelings ran any deeper than that. he sputters as he looks at her, but she cuts him off.

“i know you didn't know about my feelings, for real this time. i guess i'm a better actress than her, or maybe you just never cared enough to find out. whatever it is, i know it's hopeless, so you don't have to tell me.”

“i'm sorry,” he murmurs, but she just shakes her head.

“thanks, but your apology just makes me feel worse,” she scoffs. “i don’t need or want the pity of the most pitiful person in the world.” her words are undeniably harsh, but he can register the amount of hurt in them.

“i'm still sorry,” he says. “i know how you feel, and i know it's really hard. i'm sorry for never noticing.” his sincerity makes her calloused heart soften.

“yeah, it's hard; but for what it's worth, i think she loves you, too,” she tells him.

“i really hope so,” he replies with a sardonic smile before it melts into something more genuine. “thank you for telling me about your feelings. i'm sorry that i don't feel the same way, but i hope you find somebody who does.”

“thank you,” she says, more sincerely this time. “friends?” with this, she extends her hand for him to shake. he smiles at her gesture as he complies. 

“friends.” hesitantly, she pulls him into a hug. he’s stunned for a second before patting her back in reciprocation. he can’t love her, but he can learn to appreciate her, which he has never done, even with all of her help. maybe he’s becoming a better person because of you. 

as if on cue, the door opens the moment that thought is fully formed. he’s relieved to see you for the split second before he realizes how this must look to you. he madly breaks away from her in a haste.

“it's not what it looks like!” he exclaims, and chaewon tactfully rises and scurries out of the door before shutting it behind her, but you remain silent and rooted to your spot.

“i swear! it's really not what it looks like,” he says pleadingly as he stands and grabs your hands, which you promptly smack away. 

“i just fucking knew this would happen,” you spit. “i won't give it up to you, so you turn around and pull this shit — is that it?”

“n-no! seriously, we’re just friends! she told me that she had feelings for me, but i rejected her, and we said we would just be friends,” he desperately explains. “i swear to god i would never do that to y—” he wants to continue, but the way your shoulders shake as you put your head in your hands stops him in his tracks. 

he hurriedly embraces you as he hears muffled cries escape your lips.

“i’m so sorry, please don’t cry. it wasn’t what it looked like, i promise,” he says as soothingly as he can muster, but that doesn't seem to stop your tears. he feels more and more helpless as you continue to break down in front of him, so he resorts to saying whatever he can think of to calm you down. 

“i’m sorry, it’s all my fault. i never should’ve touched her. just don't cry, okay? i hate seeing you cry,” he whispers as he draws circles on your back, pressing you closer to him. after a while, your sobs die out and your breathing becomes more steady. 

“a-are you okay?” he timidly probes. you stare at him with eyebrows furrowed for a bit before you slightly nod. he purses his lips before continuing.

“are you going to leave me?” he whispers, and he regrets asking as soon as the words leave his lips. 

it's okay if you're only indulging him in this would-be relationship because you pity him. it's okay if he's just a pit stop in your love story with soobin. it's okay if he turns out to be nothing more than a momentary distraction from the actual love of your life, just as long as you stay with him for as long as you can stand it. why would he question his place in your life? why would he ruin a good thing by making you tell him to his face that you don't want him? he should've just waited for you to figure it out on your own instead of forcing you to confront the true nature of your feelings for him. 

when he’s met with nothing but your pensive silence, he speaks again.

“i-i’m sorry i asked. i, um, i understand,” he adds defeatedly.

“no,” you croak. 

“n-no? what do you mean by —” 

“no, i won’t leave you,” you declare, a little bit more confidently this time.

“you won’t?” he asks doubtfully, taken aback by this sentiment.

“do you want me to?” 

“no! i-i just can’t believe it. why would you stay with me?” 

“because i think you love me. do you?” 

“of course!” he exclaims.

“then will you show me? how much you love me, i mean?” you ask.

“h-how do you mean?”

you look up at him and pull him by his collar so his lips meet yours, and his eyes widen before he melts into the kiss. he feels like he’s floating as you move your lips against his, but he groans when you softly tug his hair, which allows you to snake your tongue into his welcoming mouth. that’s enough to replace the floating feeling with one of pure need. when you part, you're both gasping for air. 

“are you sure?” he seemed so lost in the feeling before, but he looks nothing short of timid right now, endearing you in a way you previously thought was impossible.

“yes.”

he gulps and guides you to his bed, firmly gripping your hand as if he’ll lose you if he doesn’t hold onto you. carefully, reverently, he begins to undress you, making sure not to be too rough, juxtaposing how crass he was the first (and last) time you two did this. when you’re fully undressed, he shamelessly takes the view of you in. you subconsciously feel embarrassed and start to cover yourself, and he gently, but firmly, takes your arms and pulls them away from your shivering frame.

“don’t hide from me. you’re beautiful,” he whispers, before ducking down and pulling you in for a heated kiss. it’s still gentle, but there’s more fire behind it than usual. eventually, he breaks away and quickly rids himself of his clothes, contrasting greatly with the tenderness he showed you as he took yours off. when he’s finished, he kisses you again. this time, though, he doesn’t just stop at your lips, and he trails hot, open-mouthed kisses down your neck before he pushes you down onto the bed and finds his way down to your aching pussy.

he plants kisses on your open thighs until your legs are trembling and your core is glistening with anticipation. greedily, he takes one experimental, flat-tongued lick from your pussy and groans at your taste. he starts slowly — licking stripes until his movements become a series of alternating between this and more focused licks to your folds and clit. eventually, he takes one of his fingers and prods at your weeping hole before pushing it in to the knuckle. he curls and teases until he finds your sweet spot with little effort. 

“o-oh,” you sigh, but before you can get used to the feeling, he slides another finger in and repeats his movements, softly sucking on your clit as he does it. beomgyu tries to show restraint, he really does, but you taste so good that before long, he’s practically hammering his fingers into you while he licks and sucks on your lower lips. you’re no match for his skilled tongue, so you’re falling apart more quickly than you’d like to admit. you hold onto his hair for dear life, tugging a little harder than you probably should, but you’re in no state to control your harshness as you reach the end. 

“gyu, i’m gonna — oh, shit — i’m coming! i’m coming!” you cry as your legs buckle, tightening around his head against your will. he doesn’t pull away, however; he just lets you cage him in between your thighs as if he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world. as you come down, he laps up your cum and removes his fingers to directly stick his tongue in your clenching hole. you think you might have to pull him off of you due to overstimulation, but he (reluctantly) does it himself before you can quite get there. 

he makes no move to clean himself up, and his expression is one of pure bliss, as if you were the one who just gave him the best oral of his life and not the other way around. he pulls you in for a heavy kiss, and you taste yourself along with the sweetness that is beomgyu. he tries to be patient, but he can't help but frantically line himself up with your entrance, poking and prodding his tip against your still-spasming hole as he takes one of your hands into his own while using the other to guide himself into you. 

“is this okay?” he nervously asks. you nod. with a strained breath, he slowly begins to push into you. 

it's a struggle to push himself in, meeting resistance as you clench around him, pussy trying desperately to accommodate his length. your hand tightly grips his as you feel the almost unbearable stretch, and he soothingly caresses his thumb over your finger, shuddering as you take him in inch by inch. it feels even better than the first time, somehow — you're even warmer and wetter than before. with labored breaths, he tries to keep himself from coming early as he feels you contracting around him. when he’s finally completely sheathed in you, it's like puzzle pieces fitting together; things seem more right than they have since, well, the last time you two did this. you stay like  that for what must be a long time — just feeling each other in an act of pure intimacy as you both heave out labored breaths. 

“are you ready?” he whispers, and after a few seconds, you nod. he shakily pulls out, feeling your pussy struggling to keep him in, and takes a deep breath before piercing you in one fluid motion, scraping against your g-spot with ease. you whimper at the sensation as he pulls himself out before ramming back in again. 

“relax, baby. i know you can take me. you were made for me,” he says soothingly as he sets his pace. he tries to take things slowly, but it’s difficult when it feels like you’re sucking him in with every thrust. his words comfort you, and before long, you're melting into his touch.

“so good,” he groans as he repeatedly hits your cervix. “you’re so fucking perfect.” all you can do is moan in response, feeling so detached from reality that the only thing chaining you to it is the way he’s fucking you. your grip on his hand tightens until you’re sure his fingers are numb, but he makes no move to stop you. he even leans down to plant a kiss on your lips, which was meant to be mostly innocent, but it quickly devolves into your tongues and teeth clashing against  each other as he snaps his hips into yours. you feel more than full as he stretches you out and pounds into you so deeply, you feel him in your stomach. you can only be described as lightheaded as he hits the deepest parts of you relentlessly, and you feel yourself getting closer to your climax — causing you to let out an animalistic whine.

“shh, baby. i’ve got you. just let go, okay?” you have no choice but to oblige when he continues drilling into you. you couldn't stop even if you wanted to. it's only a few moments before your eyes are rolling backwards as you mercilessly clamp down around him. the feeling of you tightening on his length pushes him to his own end, and he moans out “oh, g-god, i love you,” while he spills himself into you, shuddering as he does it. you feel his hot cum flooding your insides, eventually leaking out of your aching cunt as he slowly thrusts it into you. you stay like that, just joined together, for a long while.

with reluctance, he pulls out of you. you're both silent as he collapses on top of you and mindlessly toys with your hair. 

“i love you, too,” you whisper.

“w-what?” he shoots up and stares at you in disbelief, scanning your face in earnest.

“you heard me,” you reply. 

“can you — can you say it again? please?” your purse your lips before responding.

“i love you, too.”

he doesn't mean for them to, but his eyes well up with tears. he grabs you and flips you on top of him before locking his arms around you. your head rests comfortably against his chest as he pulls you closer and closer, nuzzling his cheek onto the top of your head. 

“i can't believe this is real,” he whispers between his tears, and you can't stop yourself from smiling at the sheer amount of awe in his tone. “i'll be so good to you, you won't believe it.”

“okay,” you chuckle, in spite of yourself. what can you do other than believe him when he's so damn desperate? 

notes pt. 2: finishing this has most certainly been an uphill battle. i was writing like a few sentences a day for the longest time. still, i hope you all enjoyed this. i love you very much, my friends. also, please let me know what you thought about it (as long as it's not mean!)

taglist(s)

permanent (sfw/[n]sfw): @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @midwinterblizzard @everythingvirgoes @sooberryworld @20-cms @inkigayocamman @hyueika @boba-beom @vicurious28 @blossommi @lickingan0rchid @katsukis1wife @binniebakery @notevenheretbh1 @shymexican @that1sadgrl @archoive @paegesoobin @buttercreamerie @ifwtxt @softesyoongi @serenityism00 @fairfootedflekk @kyanmeai @definitelynotherr @hyunj00 @taehyunluvrs @m00gyu @denleave1088 @hwanghyunjinismybae @bmo-bri

for the hope of it all: @calssunflower @wildernessuntothemselves @pluslandminun @enhasrii @vixensss @pagetammgyu @tyongluvs @aduh0308 @11thenightwemet11

[a-killer-obsession]

Fuck it,

👒Strawhat sex headcanons

cos I'm absolutely on deaths door sick rn and I just wanna drabble my thoughts

🔞 Minors DNI 🔞

Luffy

Ace and entirely ignorant of anything. Come on now, you saw him on Amazon Lily. Next!

Zoro

Fucks, but half the time leaves lovers unsatisfied. Falls asleep immediately so he doesn't even see their grumpy pout. Bisexual but leans towards men

Loves to deep throat, giving and receiving

Always rough

Pretty even spilt between top and power bottom

Loves impact play, giving and receiving

Loves public sex, will absolutely keep going if he gets caught. Same goes for masturbation, even if Sanji starts kicking the shit out of him while he's still going

Nami

Gay gay lesbian gay. Loves those ladies! Big fan of tits especially

Fingerbangs like her life depends on you cumming. Call her the Squirtbringer TM

Loves to use toys on her lovers, especially vibrators and butt plugs. Loves to see her girl with a pretty sparkly diamond plug

Kinda vanilla otherwise though

Top for sure

Ties some absolutely stunning shibari

Usopp

Straight but what a ally fr. Respectful AF

Gets flustered so fucking quick if you flirt with him though so you'd have to be so fucking foward to get him in bed. You'd have to be practically riding him before he stops being a blushing mess

Actually pretty good in bed though, decent size and stamina. Never misses hittin that spot yah know? 😎

More vanilla than angel cake though, and will absolutely chicken out if you ask him to spank you

Talks big talk though. Good with his mouth at both ends

Switch but don't expect him to be a dominant top

Doesn't know the meaning of a quick fuck, this man ✨️ makes love ✨️

Sanji

Straight, for sure, don't mention that time with the waiter boy, or that time with that very muscular male customer, or that time when he-

Anyway *cough* loves having anything in his mouth. Practically begs to have his face sat on, can absolutely cum untouched from that alone. Sometimes gets so into it that he forgets he's supposed to put it in at some point and just ends up eating you out for literal hours till you have to literally rip him off

Don't mind the blood nose :P

Cums so quick once he's in that its frankly embarrassing, but he'll keep going after, for you~

Walk him like a dog 🐕 this boy is a BOTTOM

Absolutely has a praise kink

Needs it to be romantic every time or he WILL pout. He'll give you a quickie if that's really what you want but he prefers to take his time, set the mood, make you a nice cocktail and light some candles

The first time you play with his ass he'll act like he hates it, but then he'll end up shyly asking you to do it again

Wants zoro to destroy his ass

Chopper

MINOR, NEXT!

When he grows up tho... he is a deer... he likes deer... maybe a mink would be ideal actually

Robin

Oh she for SURE fucks

Pansexual but prefers older lovers

Loves to be a soft dom, big time into forcing orgasms out of her partner and teasing them

Open relationship with Franky, loves to play good cop bad cop with him and a sub (with her as good cop)

Abuses her devil fruit for sure, turns her partners into overstimulated, fucked out messes

Loves to ride faces but is also very skilled at giving blowjobs

Has no issue eating ass

No kinks are taboo to her even if she's not into it, she'll give everything a go though, for research

Really skilled with shibari, shares notes with Nami all the time

Reads a lot of bodice rippers and quite literally takes notes, like she fully has a notebook of things she wants to try and is working her way through it

Doesn't really care about getting off, she mostly just likes to watch other's get off. Sex is one big research project to her and shes more than happy to study

Franky

About as fucked up in bed as Wire, biggest deviant of the crew for sure. Wano afterparty you bet they had a long indepth conversation to compare notes, and Wire was happy to show Heat off for him and Robin

Bi with a preference for women

Has all manner of toys and furniture, probably made most of them himself

Usually a hard dom, but unlike Wire he has no problem being a bottom as well

He is a ride you will not survive, your wheels will come right off

Loves risky public sex (fic coming soon 😎)

You better believe when he rebuilt his body he gave himself the biggest dick you'll ever see, its ribebd for your pleasure and it ABSOLUTELY vibrates

Don't expect to be able to walk afterwards, but he's an aftercare king 👑

Brook

May not have the facilities to get off, but still enjoys watching

Often watches Robin and Franky, especially if they're playing with a sub. Sometimes he'll join in with a toy because he's hesitant to push raw bone against a lover (ha, bone) but usually he just watches

Plenty of imagination though, sometimes he'll tell Franky and Robin what to do, more in a suggestive way than a dominant way

I imagine he would feel sexual enjoyment the same way one might enjoy a good cup of tea. He may not be able to get physical relief but he still enjoys the mental tingle

Before he died he was a massive slut though, rockstar vibes, every carnal disease you can think off. Was big into having his face ridden and sex under the influence

Too old to understand labels but if you really took the time to explain he'd probably say he was pansexual

Jinbei

This one goes out to my homie 💖

Straight but has no problem with it if swords happen to cross. Which is just as well, since there's canonically two of them 🍆🍆 He'd also never suggest a threesome, but he'd say yes if you suggested it

Also enjoys watching along side Brook. They call it "Oldies Night" when the four of them get together to watch Franky and Robin destroy some sub

Super respectful! Will constantly make sure you're comfortable and allow you to guide him to do whatever feels best

Not big into kinks but happy to explore them if it makes you happy. Won't do anything that'd inflict pain though, even if you beg for it, he's too big of a softie

Has that deep generational sense of taboo and shame instilled in him that makes it hard to get him to open up about what he wants. You'd have to have been together for a really long time to get him to be honest. Even so, makes you feel completely comfortable sharing your own kinks and never ever makes you feel ashamed even if he's really not into it

Eventually you'll get him to reveal that he enjoys being edged and cockwarming

Not a big fan of young girls fawning over him cos of his ex-Warlord status. Much prefers women his own age. No real preference for basic humans vs fishmen vs even minks, they're all human in his books

God he's so strong though, given how much bigger he is than most woman he will straight up use you like a cocksleeve if you ask him to, I absolutely would, dear god

Never leaves a partner unsatisfied, but I think he'd avoid giving oral cos he'd be so anxious about his teeth and he never wants to hurt a lover

[snakeunderyourboot]

can I talk about about Miraculous Team from s2 finale? I'm going to talk about Mireaculous Team from s2 finale

IT HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL

Like, narratively, at the end of s2 Hawkmoth got a new powerful ally Mayura, who can create senti-beings, which makes Akuma much more powerful than before. Even if LB and CN know that the peacock miraculous is damaged, they don't know to what extent and how exactly it affects its holder. The fact that Mayura even goes through wielding damaged miraculous already shows her huge trust and support of Hawkmoth and whatever his plan is.

So as the power of the antagonist grows, the protagonists also need to become stronger. The antagonist should always be a step ahead, BUT the protagonist should follow not so far after them because if not, it would be atomic bomb vs coughing baby. So LB and CN on their side, have themselves, a box of miraculouses, master Fu(debatable but okay), and some power-up additions. Only the 5-min rule after transformation is still present, they can't go around to give away all miraculouses because then it would be a repeat of the butterfly miraculous situation, and master FU isn't exactly helpful(especially later in the season where he is literally hunted by HM)

So. LB and CN need help

And if bad guys can team up, why can't good guys team up too?

And so we have a Mirauculous Team with now extended use of mirauclouses! We have Rena Rouge, who is secretly Alya, best friend of Marinette (or secterly LB), whose lifelong dream was to be a superhero. Now, I am sure, that being a superhero and having access to ALLL information that was hidden from the public, would go great for a young journalist who already had some fuck-ups and posting not great information. Also, sometimes your dream of a superhero doesn't match with reality! So is it really worth it to be a superhero? Sure, you want to help but are you really capable of providing such help if your first thought is content for your blog? Also also NOW IT"S YOUR TURN TO LIE TO YOUR FRIENDS. How does that feel?

And we have Carapace, who is Nino, best friend of Adrien, whose literal definition is being chill. Sure when needed, he will rise to the occasion, but again - is it really worth being a hero? Nino is a good person, he fought tooth and nail to get Adrien his birthday party, but saving the whole world? Nino?? The simple guy who just loves his friends and family and wants them to be okay??? That guy???? Also also LB and even sometimes CN would talk hours about responsibility and how important miraculouses are, but like...aren't they making it worse? Maybe the HM would fuck off after awhile, if other miraculouses didn't show up. Maybe the path of least resistence IS sometimes a good path. Why no one talks about it?

And last but not least we have Queen Bee or Chloe Bourgeois, the person who literally no one wanted to have a miraculous in the first place but it happened so we ball I guess. Chloe really admires LB but you know how idols tend to be when you actually meet them. And yeah okay, Chloe fucks up a lot in the first months of having a miraculous on semi-permanent base and LB criticize her, but she always tries to make up with expensive goods and screaming how much LB is better than anyone else. She doesn't understand why LB keeps asking her to treat normally. How LADYBUG can be a normal person??? She is a goddess, someone so cool and realized and everyone loves her and she keeps getting praise for just existing and...why does LB sometimes seem to be so human, so exhausted and stressed? That doesn't make sense...also also now that Chloe has miraculous she can't lose it. She needs to be better, to keep miraculous. But what does this "better" entitle? Better at battle, at powers, at SCHOOL?? How would famous Abry react to that I wonder?

As a cherry on top, we have LB and CN trying to learn how is it to work in a bigger team, to share responsibility and to help each other. It was them for a while and now there are new people and change is scary. How would that affect the love square?

The most important bit is that all members of the Miraculous Team have connections to LB and CN civilian life. They are all intervened, and they are all people we know and love and want to know more about! Sure, a lot of conflicts I brought up based on some of my vague ideas, but they could be explored!

The arc where Alya posts some crucial miraculous info on her blog, which HM notices and uses in the next battle, which hurts some of the members of the team. The arc where Nino is so convinced he is not cut out for hero life he practically searches for excuses to be put out of the team (one of the battles really scared his little brother and Nino wasn't there to help. If he cannot help his brother, how can he help the whole city?). The arc where Chloe tries to be good, is more or less okay at it, and then fails spectacularly(does it mean they will take her miraculous please no she can't lose pollen she can't lose someone who loves her as she is pleas no)

As a bonus, we could have had a Master FU BEING AN ACTUAL MENTOR INSTEAD OF just some lore-exposition guy. If he is so guilty about his past mistakes, well, here are 5 traumatized teenagers, the least you could do is actually help them. And no, not only Marinette, give others some advice too.

By the end of s2 we would have a good team of characters we already loved and now love even more, that are complicated and interesting AND GUESS WHAT the formula of "marinette has a problem with her life, akuma somehow related to it happens, LB fight it, everything is resolved, Marinette has some real-life lesson" STILL WORKS. Just now we can pair up Marinette with some other characters and if they happen to learn something too then GOOD. Kids can draw parallels and understand the lesson regardless

I just love those kids....I think they had a really good opportunity to spice up the show but leave the premise more or less the same.

And yeah we have "Miraculous Team" in s6 now, but all the points I mentioned before are non-existent now. There are too many people, for an antagonist who is so far less threatening than HM. It can change but that wouldn't fix the whole issue. All of Marinette's class doesn't have this much connection to her, as her literal best friend, her childhood friend, her crush and her rival/bully.

Anyway

I gushed enough(I didn't, but I am sleepy)

[myredrainbow]

Alastor with a Alice Angel S/O

I couldn’t help myself with this idea!! It’s just aaaaa- ok I’m only doing the Alice Angel based off her as in the cartoons not the actual game & also based off Betty Boop too. Btw this is taking place in the Cannibal Colony since that’s there time period in their town is based off !!!!

This idea came from @screaminhysteria so ty!!!!! Ahhhh-

One more thing - this works perfectly time period 1920’s-1940’s. Ah yes the golden age of animation & the roaring 20’s!!

Let the historical accuracy begin!!!

~~~

~As Alastor’s S/o you too tend to be seen in speakeasy’s or jazz clubs! Your voice beautiful & he’s radio host skills- plus so piano playing on the side.. most would say-“Golly! What a duo!”

~The first time you too met it was during one of your performances at a speakeasy, fine jazz playing and swing jamming. Walking into the room was an incredible atmosphere for him, since he loved the thrill of others.

~Singing in the center was you, others dancing at your voice. Others singing along as you sang, you were at your happiest moment ever.

~Alastor watching from his seat, staring at you. Your smile, your charm, the way you sway softly to the beat the music.

~Curiously, Alastor decided to take a shot and ask you to dance a swing with him. Breathing in sharply he made his way to the floor and towards the stage. You were about to continue singing but heard a soft-

~ “Hello! My dear, care for a dance?” You took his hand and joined him.. the rest was history!

~ As a S/o of Alastor, you are well protected from others. Especially when it comes to rowdy patrons in the speakeasy’s & Clubs, he will be secretly be scouting that Parton and “chatting” with him in a nearby dark ally ….

~ You on the other hand are very kind and giddy towards Alastor but in front of others, you make sure to let everyone know that your taken by someone special. Making sure to swat away hands from touching you while you’re singing..

~When you enter at speakeasy your always dress to perfection, the finest black attire. Sometimes you sometimes wear a beautiful deer fur scarf around the back of your arms, of course the fur from Alastor.

~Alastor loves your dressing attire, but he dose have to fend off unwanted attention from you when it comes to wearing more “flashy” attire. Most those that show a lot more skin than usual, but he tends so see you in awe starring at him when he “deals” with those who don’t understand the concept of “personal space”.

~At his radio show broadcast, he will always praise you on the radio and telling his listeners about your singing skills are beautiful. Sometimes you will receive letters from your mail of people asking you to perform at their business. With pay of course..

~Although he adores telling others of you but he dose tell his listeners that he must warn them that you are in a loving relationship and he will not tolerate those who want to interfere with your love life..

~What a gentleman!~

~ Sometimes you two will stay up late and slow dance to the radio, ( like a nice song will be “All the things you are by Dizzy Gillespie). You will be holding his hand while you have a hand on his shoulder, his grin- well unchanged but sweet. He hand on your hips & his head close to yours..

~ As an Half Angel, you do tend to view things differently from Alastor but you’d learned to be fine with it.. like for example, cannibalism. Yes you live in the Cannibal Colony but you aren’t a cannibal yourself, your just very good friends with the head of the colony, Rosie.

~She doesn’t mind the fact your aren’t cannibal but she just adores you as much as Alastor . As a friend of course!

~ Alastor is happy that you and Rosie are great friends, sometimes you too will go on outings around the town. Alastor trusts Rosie around you, even though you are half angel.

~ Alastor and you go on so many dates, at least three times a week. He’s always a gentleman, holding the door for you, pushing your chair in, complimenting you, insisting on paying for the both of you. What a man..

~ You know Husker & Niffty,- of course!. You & Niffty tend to go shopping for clothing together since you both have certain tastes in clothing, which makes the trip more enjoyable! She would give you her opinions on what outfits to wear for your performances!

~And you will tell her what shade of pink will suite her the best and occasionally have to calm her down when she see a male walking around.

~Husker has to push his manners button for you, because you are Alastor’s one & only so he doesn’t want to get hurt by him. He dose know what types of drinks you like.

~But you don’t necessarily drink a lot so he has fruity alternatives like, an strawberry lemonade, sparkling cider or a sherry temple - with extra cherries please!

~He dose like your company too, you will tell him about the bars that have a lot of gambling there and sometimes will tell him to go have fun while Alastor is in a good mood.

~You do tend to visit Alastor at his little pet project- The Hazbin Hotel, of course! You don’t want to redeem yourself but you’re supporting your love, no matter what.

~But when you meet the princess of hell, Charlie. You both question each other, another half angel half demon?. Do you know each other? But Alastor just just hummed sweetly to you, not to “worry about what you are! It will ruin your sweet charms”.

~ You would leave him lunch, usually containing deer meat and sweet honey beignets. The beignets homemade of course, since he’s from New Orleans.

~ When it comes to, killing other demons or demons selling their souls to Alastor your not bothered by it. You would most of the time just stare at the demon/sinner in quietness. But if they rubbed Alastor the wrong way, well you won’t show mercy to them either. “Please! Make him stop! I’m begging you! Sweet Angel!”

~Walking up to them, gently lifting their head up as their body- mangled.. you would smile sweetly, “ Sweet, demon.. how I pity you as an Angel. But for disturbing my Alastor.. I’m afraid you must die now..”

~And with a snap of his fingers, the demon is no more as you grin. Placing a soft peck on his cheek, his grin growing larger.

~ “ Now my dear, how bout a dance?” He cheers as he wrapped his hand around your waist, “I’d love too!”

~~~~~~

Aaaaaaa-! That’s the end!!! I hope you like it!! I personally love it I think it’s very cute!! Part 2 of Lucifer vs Alastor will be done by tomorrow!! And I can not wait for the last two episodes of Hazbin Hotel!!!!

~myredrainbow

[mamayan]

Can you do more dom muzans daughter please??? 🥺🥺

Genya Shinazugawa x Fem! Demon! Reader

cw: NSFW • Dom! Reader • Sub! Genya • Puppy Training • Genya referred to as dog/puppy/mutt • Praise/Degradation • Anal beads/Pegging • Strap Sucking • Dumbification • Edging/Denial • Owner/Pet Dynamic • Dacryphilia • Begging

P.1 Here

Pride is an illusion.

Genya realized this once the truth came to light.

He realized you were like Nezuko. Not harming humans or devouring them like he thought. Despite being Muzan’s offspring and first creation as a demon, you’d withheld your desires and nature longer than any other. In a way, you were allies.

That realization came with another.

“A-ah~ nghh—!”

“Such a good puppy, they’re all in now.”

His ass felt so full it was unbelievable they’d all actually fit inside him, only the long furry leather tail end swinging between his legs now was out. The cool heavy glass beads looked frightening when you’d first spoke of where you’d put them, but as he wiggled his hips, Genya couldn’t help but pant like the animal you likened him to. Tongue out as drool pooled onto the floor below, head dizzy as his fingers dug into the bedding below.

“Bad boy.” A harsh and startling tug on his neck jerked his attention upward to where you stood. The fine leather collar around his neck was turning his pale skin beneath it red from how often you’d tugged on it today. The silver delicate chain attached to the collar ran a rope and led up to your hand which held the end. A leash.

“Eyes on me.” Your order is absolute. He can��t—doesn’t want to—disobey. Not when you make him feel like this, not when you’re so beautiful even as you frown down at him.

“W-woof—!” His bark still needs work, a little awkward and timid, but it was cute how enthusiastic he seemed to be about it, smile crooked and eyes a bit blurry with tears. His long lashes held the soft dew like crystals decorating them, and his flushed and sweaty skin broke up his intimidating appearance. You cooed down at him, crouching a bit to pet the soft line of hair that wasn’t shaven in the middle, pushing a few strands off his forehead which had gotten stuck during his insertion process.

“Be good for me puppy, I’m going to go get a new toy for us to play with.” Then you left, leaving Genya still on all fours, his ass full of the anal bead tail you’d fucked him with, and the tight rope around his cock turning the poor appendage a dark red as it pathetically leaked pre-cum.

He trembled and panted, and an enormous part of him needed to untie the damn rope around his cock so he could finally cum, but another half of him fought against that disobedient desire. He didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on your face, nor did he think he could handle it.

You came back quickly, which he was grateful for as his urges were becoming near unbearable in his solitude. He was also very proud he hadn’t broke, because you came back completely naked. His eyes widening and soaking up your nude figure, his swollen cock jumping in another plea to cum but especially inside of you.

“Is puppy excited? I bet you wish you could put your little puppy cock inside me, but that can wait another day.” You held something in your hand, and it took his brain a moment to register the phallus shaped object. “I have a new game we can play.” Then you were using a dark red silk and tying it around your waist, his eyes tracking each movement with pure rapture as more drool slid down his jaw without his knowledge, mouth parted as you wove the silk around your thighs and back up. Once it was secure and tight, there a leather holster he realized that allowed you to slide the phallus made from some type of jade into it. It was smooth and riderless unlike an actual cock, and he was dumbfounded when you stood before him with it jutting out proudly.

“Suck it.”

“…?” His silent question received no answer, as you didn’t repeat yourself. Just gave him time to process the new command.

Genya cautiously moved, as if you’d reach out and grab him any second, but you didn’t. You remained perfectly still and poised as he crawled up to you, no sitting up so he could reach properly, whining a bit as the beads shifted in his ass and massaged his prostate. His rough hands lightly touched your soft thighs as he leaned in and tentatively licked the fake cock. His eyes looking into your own the entire time, so unsure and worried of making a mistake you took mercy and pet his hair, encouraging him.

“Good dog, my good boy. Open wide and take it in your mouth.” He obeyed, relaxing under your soft touch on his head, letting the cool object in his mouth and sucking. He looked adorable sucking on your strap, his inexperience completely made up by his eagerness to please as he even began swirling his tongue and acting like it was a true cock. His hips wiggled, eyes rolling back a bit as the beads filled him with pleasure and his achy cock begged for release. He was so engrossed he hardly noticed when you rocked your hips and slid it even deeper, hand tangled in his hair keeping him in place as his eyes watered more and he gaged.

“Look at you puppy, choking on my strap. Get me nice and wet.” He obeyed, slobbering all over it until you pulled it out of his hot mouth with a wet squelch, his drool connecting it still until you took a full step back.

You motioned with your hand for him to turn around, his body moving instinctively and twisting around back onto all fours. His chest rising and falling as excited budded inside his heart. He jerked as you grasped his tail and pulled the first bead out, but was soon gasping and moaning as you repeated it with the rest, arms trembling so much he could hardly keep his upper body raised. You soothed a hand down his spine, his body relaxing as you gently pressed his chest to the floor, leaving his ass raised and in perfect position for you. His broad muscular back slightly damp from his sweat, scars littering him. Genya nearly mewled when you kissed his back, so feather soft and sweet, right over a prominent scar across his spine he nearly died from.

“Brave puppy. Just relax for me.” You took the beads completely out of his twitching stretched ass, lining up the tip of your strap against the fluttering hole and waiting until Genya fully went pliant for you.

Then he’s crying out, a loud drawn out moan as you sink inside his ass, filling him even more than the beads or your fingers ever had.

“Oh f-fuck—!” One eye nearly shuts as he gasps and struggles to breathe as you bottom out.

A sharp slap to his ass only makes him bear down and feel even fuller, too dumb already on the fake cock to think properly.

“Mutts don’t talk—,” you grip his slim hips, drawing out slowly.

“They howl,” and then you’re slamming into him, rough and fast you’re drawing him into a frenzy as he does howl, gripping for purchase he doesn’t have as you buck your hips and drive into him.

“M-master please—!” He needs to cum, he’s going to cum, if the damn rope was just loosened a little he could—

“No. Slutty puppies don’t beg like that.”

He’s going crazy. He feels so full and his balls feel like they’re going burst if he isn’t allowed to cum soon.

Tears spill down his cheeks, eyes going crossed as you fuck him into a whiny moaning mess, tongue limp as his mouth hangs open smushed against the floor. “W-woof—,” it’s more a pathetic croak than any actual dog noise. When he moves to untie his cock himself, his arm is quickly snatched and twisted around, pinned to the middle of his back down and giving you more leverage to pound his hole.

“Woof—! C-Cum pl-pleash—!” He’s a mess, short circuiting the longer he’s denied his orgasm, but you only chuckle, even cruelty gripping his poor cock and squeezing to hear him squeal. His spine arching so deeply you wonder if it hurts.

“Dumb puppies should know the only time they speak is when commanded.” You squeeze again, his wail of pleasured pain making your hips stutter and hit even deeper inside of him due to his jerky thrashing.

“Speak puppy.”

“Ma-Master please—! Let me cum! I need FUCK—!” You lean over him, soft body pressed against his back but the angle shifts and your strap hits directly against his sensitive prostate. Genya is nothing if not vocal about it, “OH FUCK FU—Ah~! Pl-Oh, ngh—! Let me—ah, cum Master, please—!” It’s pathetic wet begging, spit and drool covering his face as you rock into him and smear his head he can no longer lift into it, his own tears like rivers down his pretty red face trying to look back at you.

He really screams when you release the little knot around the rope keeping his cock from bursting.

“Cu-cumming~ oh fuck, ngh—!” He sounds nearly wounded as you continue thrusting into him, his cock jerking and spurting hot ropes of cum over his chest and the ground, hips rolling back into you for more.

You don’t stop even as he lies spent beneath you, only slowing to a languid pace as he pants and catches his breath.

“You okay puppy?”

“Y-yes Master”

“Good boy” you coo, petting his hair while fucking him softer now.

“Let’s do that again. I want you on your back this time.”

His whimpers are drowned by the night you thrive in.

Dividers by @benkeibear

[itsclydebitches]

There's something I find pretty messed up about Little's part of the story. Penny is dead. The story puts focus on this and how it's effecting Ruby and is why Little's death is what breaks Ruby. The volume ends though with Little coming back so it's a happy end, right? Except Penny is still dead and never coming back. And they are going back to a world where people die when they are killed. It's like "Forget about your dead friend cause we got one where your actions don't have consequences."

Yeah, that's an issue with the Ascension arc as a whole. As discussed previously, we're already starting from a place of confusing messages because the world can't decide what Ascension exactly is. Some beings lose all their memories and (arguably as a result) their sense of self. Some just seem to get cool upgrades. Some change in such monumental ways they probably can't go back to their old life even if they wanted to (can Somewhat ever live with the other mice again now that they're like fifty times their size?). And some, Like Ruby, undergo no changes at all except a convenient and ambiguous ~emotional clarity~

So Ascension is a catch-all "Anything could happen" situation where all options, no matter how shady they appear to the audience, are eventually presented as #good by the show... except I'm 100% sure they only come across that way BECAUSE they happen to side characters we're not invested in/are leaving behind. Would people honestly have been happy if Ruby:

Completely forgot who she was (King)

Got some crazy physical upgrade that would fundamentally change the power dynamics of the show/other her in Remnant/imply that she's a faunus to strangers if she got some animal trait (the Caterpillar/Somewhat)

Came away with a new "purpose" and decided she didn't want to be a Huntress anymore (the Paper Pleasers)

There's a reason Ruby did not change except to inexplicably regain her confidence because the show and on some level recognizes that these options are indeed an awful kind of "death," something that would be bad to do to your main character (baring a monumental shift in the show). When we talk about the importance of growth (in real life and in fiction) we're referencing a context in which a person changes slowly over time, adapting to each change in a natural way, all of it a combination of environmental factors and personal agency. To just have some magical tree instantly change you without consent, making you "better" by its own, undefined parameters... that's not wonderful, that's horrifying! But as you say, even if we overlook all that and come at Ascension from a direction the story wants, accepting and praising such an aspect of this world... Team RWBY doesn't live in that world. What did they learn from this then? Yay for people who live in alternate realities because they get to become "better" rather than dying? Good for them, but our friends are still dead and our lives are still on the line.

If RWBY wanted this arc they not only needed to reeeeeally clean up what Ascension is/how it works, but decide on the message they're trying to impart. Because what we got, on a literal level, is Ruby being depressed enough to choose ending (that version of) her life, instead being rewarded for that choice by a pantheon she's kinda fighting against (in a way that both skips her development and ignores every other implied rule of Ascension), and is returning to a world where none of this matters because death is a Permanent Thing That She's Going to Be Seeing a Whole Lot More of Soon.

Penny is dead. Many other allies are dead. Weiss' Kingdom is gone. Salem is set to exterminate the rest of Remnant, and instead of dealing with any of that Volume 9 gave Team RWBY a (literal) fantasy world where everything is just fine, actually. Wouldn't it be cool if no one actually died and whenever it seems like they did they'd just come back as an upgraded version of themselves? Yeah! Too bad that's not the reality they're heading back to.

Honestly, the way to clean up all of Volume 9 for me is to slap a "It was just a dream" disclaimer on it. Volume 10 we learn that Ruby had a crazy, contradictory fever dream post-battle in which the biggest trauma she's ever faced is magically fixed by her subconscious? Yeah, that tracks. More than taking Volume 9 at face value.

[lych33dragoncookie]

Hello Just wanted to hop in to say how much your Burning Spice and Golden Cheese story analysis made me happy and hopeful for some actual discussion within this community. I didn't want to spam in the tags on your posts as I didn't know where to even start with praises.

I'm curious, what do you think of a possibility where Burning Spice's return might mean a potential ally for the Ancients or willing disowning of his soul jam? Perhaps being a voice of reason for Beasts that, at least Golden Cheese, are really really strong? I do agree bringing him back for a 1v1 with Golden Cheese would be an absolutely horrendous idea. Nevertheless I think Burning Spice has been one of the best written characters in the game and I'm excited to see more of him.

Feel free to ignore this ask, it's main purpose was just to say thank you and your posts are really good and made me pace around my room. Have a good day!!

I'm rly glad to hear you liked my analysis posts!!! i'm honestly just a sucker for prying the media i like wide open on a writing level so these mostly come naturally to me and the engagement is a rly nice motivator

As for the idea posed... Eeeeeehhh it's. Kind of tricky, honestly. Burning Spice is, at the end of the day, someone addicted to power and destruction. He outright avoids any sort of more rational or emotional thought (mostly shown in him completely shutting down the moment he brings up the first kingdom he ruled and getting pretty damn mad afterwards) and like. I think that honestly so long as he has his power there's very little in the way of reasonable redemption for him. Someone who's this detached from everything as a result of immortality, this high on power, this bloodthirsty, this dependent on his own power to feel anything, is hard to reason with. Specially because he knows what he's doing isn't good, that it's not contributing to anything, that he's not doing the world any good, and outright rejects all those ideas very actively. He knows he's evil, and he holds no remorse over it, even if he does think it's the only way.

Sure he could get his soul jam taken away later but... Frankly, with how this ending went, I really, really don't trust them to do anything like that. They seem to have an adversity towards bumping characters down a notch for their own good. It admittedly makes me really worried for what the future holds regarding Dark Enchantress, but, that's a side tangent.

So yeah basically I think the only real road to redemption for him is having his soul jam removed whether he likes it or not, then having him work from there as a mortal without any god-like powers who eventually finds something to be attached to (Again, whether he likes it or not). There might be some other way, but man I am not creative enough to find it.

Side note: your art is absolutely bangin btw i'm eating this stuff up, goldenspice/burningcheese enjoyer solidarity 🤝

[everydayyoulovemeless]

[Danse Idolizes You]

➼ Word Count » 0.5k ➼ Warnings » BB spoilers ➼ Summary » Headcanons based on how Danse treats you once Idolized.

Danse is gonna be incredibly kind toward you. He'll talk softer, be less serious about what he thinks your ideals should be, and give you random compliments throughout the day.

Loyalty's strong in him, and since he doesn't have the Brotherhood to back up anymore, all his loyalty is in you. Whatever you need, Danse is on it.

He almost becomes self-destructive because of it. He so desperately wants to not be a burden to you that he constantly overworks himself. That's one thing you're going to have to help him work through.

He likes to sit out on the porch of a settlement with you and share a bottle of beer.

Anytime you go off to do a quest, he'll offer to go with you. He wants to ensure your safety and who better than the guy in power armor?

Haylen will still slip away from the Brotherhood to meet up with Danse at settlements or random bunkers around the Commonwealth. She especially likes it when you tag along, it's almost like you're all getting the band back together, like old times.

As awkward as Danse feels, he still makes an effort to befriend your other allies, even if they hate him.

He quickly grows to be pretty close to Dogmeat. Actually, the easiest way to get him to stop overworking himself is to ask him to go watch Dogmeat. That way he can relax and not feel like he's doing nothing at the same time. He'll train Dogmeat to do tricks and go out to find him all these fun bandanas and collars. He and Dogmeat are almost inseparable.

He loves campfires, especially when it's with all the other settlers. He'll gather heaps of firewood just to host these little get-togethers every month.

All of your and the settlers' weapons will be significantly upgraded. You won't have to worry about leaving whatever settlement you assigned Danse to either cause he's gonna train everyone there for war. It's gonna be hands down one of the most prepared settlements you've ever built up.

He'll still get really flustered at any slight compliment or praise you throw his way.

He really wants to hug you but is way too nervous to actually go through with initiating it.

He is so ready to go at it with anyone who disrespects you. He'd only do something physical if he felt it was necessary, instead, his overall size and reputation do a lot to intimidate others. He won't stand for any of the settlers or anyone else being rude towards you.

He has a habit of hoarding pre-war items because he thinks that you'll like them, or at the very least, they'll give you good memories of your life before the war.

Danse is honestly just ready to die for you at any moment. His self-sacrifice is something you'll need to be wary of because he won't hesitate to run straight into danger to keep you alive.

[mariacallous]

As an american it's so damn frustrating all the choices political leaders here keep making

Aid blocked for 6 months single handedly by johnson while other gop members said they supported Ukraine but refused to sign the discharge petition (and then everyone praises johnson for his "bravery" as if he doesn't have oceans of blood on his hands for that delay)

Biden and the white house wringing their hands over allowing Ukraine to use US weapons on valid military targets getting even more people killed

Which, purely from a selfish point of view, all these choices not only kill Ukrainians, but they also weaken the US geopolitically by making use look like an unreliable partner (because we're being an unreliable partner). Even if you don't care about innocent people dying, a lot of these people care about China, and... do you think it's appealing to our pacific allies to work with us when they see us leaving Ukraine out to dry?

Do you think maybe Taiwan might end up thinking "ok, but will they send the military or will they bicker internally for 6 months?"

It's a disgrace, especially when the most humanitarian thing to do of properly arming Ukraine is also the most self interested thing the US could do and yet we still refuse to do it

Decimating the army of a major geopolitical rival by sending old equipment that we were probably going to have to dispose of soon, spending a minuscule fraction of the US federal budget for massive benefits to the US ranging from dealing serious damage to russia and deterring China, all while not risking any american troops... and we still can't be bothered to do it?

It's... it's just shameful. Makes us look like a joke, makes us look undependable, makes it hard to want to work with us when our own infighting gets in the way of us meeting our commitments

Disgraceful how the policy makers in the US have handled things

...I seriously think that if the US had basically opened the floodgates on support from the start it could have been so much cheaper for us while getting less Ukrainians killed... might have actually made russia think twice if as soon as they invaded they saw massive amounts of military aid in the pipeline... but no, we've been drip feeding it and for all the words about "as long as it takes" we refuse to actually do that

Anyway, sorry about this ask. Just... sometimes I see people make post about Ukraine and... there's not a lot of people I can talk with about this stuff who'll actually listen over here, they don't seem to get how important this is not just in terms of... what's good for us and good for the world, but just... innocent people are dying, people are dying trying to defend their homes because we won't give them the tools they need to defend themselves... and that really really bothers me cause I have a shred of humanity but... but not a lot of other people here seem to get that

Hope you're having as good a day as possible

I agree with you and it's so sad and sobering that there are many who don't see it this way.

[tiktaalic]

Why are you (and others) so convinced that Neil Gaiman must be lying when he implies that he and Terry Pratchett always intended Azicrow to be canon in the potential second Good Omens book? I'm new to this fandom so don't know the backstory, but Gaiman has been writing gay characters (and nonbinary angels) since the '90s, and Pratchett according to fans is an ally. I've seen a few receipts (about Gaiman not "getting" slash) from the early oughts, but the South Downs cottage endgame comes from a conversation G&P had about the sequel in 2005 (see the story here: https://. thegoodomensdumpster. tumblr.com/ post/621209875504054272/.. where-the-south-downs-thing-comes-from). He seems credible but did he say something since then?

I mean. Even in the excerpt you sent there’s this.

people have asked him about the south downs, and scenes in the book, and any time he's asked he takes the chance to reiterate that it's Not Canon. this has been the line for 30 years. this was the line a month! before the show aired. i think it's true that the planned sequel was aziraphale and crowley focused. this makes sense to me. they were on book covers, they were people's favorites. i dont think this means hes been planning a romance since the 90s. prior to the show, the stances neil gaiman had, had repeatedly on record, and never strayed from were:

+ it's fine if you like azcrow i want you to continue to have fun with it if you like it, but it's not canon, it is strictly 100% fanon.

+ the sequel is about aziraphale and crowley

+ i am not comfortable making a season two because it would involve creating new content that terry would not have input on.

after season one aired, the stances were:

+ i intended azcrow as a love story. i always have.

+ season 2 coming july 2023!

+ the new seasons that i'm writing were something i discussed with terry decades ago.

which is simply. not true. either he spent 30 years lying. because. ??? or he has spent the years after season 1 garnered a lot of praise for having gay people in it lying. because it makes him look good, and because s2 (and 3) will make money. one of these options makes sense. one of them doesnt. like.

this was one MONTH before the show. if he for real always since nineteen ninety meant azcrow was in a relationship. why would he. a month before his show. say DONT get it twisted it's NOT a love life.

i also dont think its worth anything to compare representation in gomens to his other works, bc his other works are very very different. gomens is solidly pg13 lighthearted romp. and - as someone who has read a lot of neil gaiman's work, and liked a lot of neil gaiman's work, most of it errs to the side of i'm SICK. i'm TWISTED. im FUCKED UP and WEIRD. and. to be clear. i am not calling him homophobic. i am not doubting that he legitimately cares about gay people in his life. but i do think. he like many other men. were like. you know what'll take this fucked up weird story from a 10 to a 100. if there were GAY MEN in it. and to be doubly clear. i am speaking primarily about american gods, which is what i remember with most clarity. which is fine. its a fine thing to do. representation win the guy who writes weird horror adjacent sex scenes wrote one about men. (this is a gross oversimplification of sex scenes in american gods).

and again i well and truly do not blame the man for being like. um. actually i dont want the characters i based on me and my buddy to be in love or have sex in my lighthearted pg 13 story. i think this is a very normal stance to have! i would never fault someone for this stance! it's just. the lying. the people who are ragging on him are primarily composed, from what i can tell, of book fans who followed him pre show. because he was exceedingly consistent about his opinions pre show. again. if you followed him at any point! before the show you would see his opinions iterated then reiterated. if you followed him a MONTH! 30 DAYS! before the show you would see his pre show opinions. because he's expressed the exact same opinion dozens of times since 1990. and they quite literally only changed once it came out and people started praising him.

[name-less-666]

Stalker/secret admirer S/O x William draft

I'm sorry this is my first time writing and English is not my first language. Sorry again for the spelling error.

This idea has been stuck in my head, so hear me. So, basically, William has been receiving these mysterious letters, he thinks that these are just from works or the noble ladies wanting him or about him for his looks/ his intelligence (this happens when he was in his early 20s)

The letter is decorated with luxury, William thought it was from the noble until he opened it. It starts normally at first their handwriting is neat, and they state their admiration for his talent, William thinks of throwing this away because he thinks this is some normal letter that he receives regularly until 'they' start to talk about his crimes and him being the lords of crimes, how 'they' love how delicate his plans were and how he kills, so flawlessly without mistake 'they' explain like 'they' are in the crimes scenes with him, this began to freak William out.

He thinks this is some kind of prank from his teammates, but none of them has this kind of handwriting or has enough budget to buy this kind of luxury, by looking at the paper it looks like it got imported from another country. At least this secret admire state that 'they' are not going to tell anyone about him being the lord of crimes and his plans, but of course, William didn't quite believe. The letter did not have the address of where it came from, either. It just sent straight to his house.

William decides to not tell anyone about this, he doesn't want this to be a big deal, 'they' said they would not tell anyone, did they?

But this continues for years, letter after letter especially after his mission and crimes, 'they' praise him for how good he did, asking him if is he okay? Or did he get hurt during the mission?

{They always start the letters with

𝐓𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬

end with

𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐫, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐫

Wax seal with morning glory flowers symbol.}

William feels like his secret admirer actually cares for him, or is this more like an obsession, and he feels grateful? This can not be true, why is he feeling like this, or maybe because no one truly cared about him like this before. 'They' know almost everything about him, his likes, his dislikes, his hobbies, even his past. 'They' know every movement he makes, or he's going to make. He would feel eyes watching him all the time. He would wake up in a middle the night before, he feel paranoid.

He usually ignored the letters or threw them away, but he couldn't help but read them because 'they' also knew information about the targets that he was planning to kill and some other useful information, making the mission easier for him and his team. 'They' even wrote him a good luck letter before going off on the mission.

William didn't know if he should consider 'them' as a threat or an ally He already told his brother and his member asked this secret admirer, his brother tried to help him find the culprit while the others like Moran, Fred, Jack, Bond even miss penny patrol around the manor for the Stalker but to no avail, they are worried about him, especially Louis, but they also can not throw the letters away because it contains valuable information.

˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖✮-------------------✮˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖

Not until one day, William was outside getting some fresh air, and suddenly it started raining out of nowhere (You know, the UK it can rain anytime or maybe all the time 💀.) He quickly runs for shelter in some café, without knowing someone is following him. While William is too busy trying to dry himself.

"Bad day, huh?"

William turns to the stranger beside him and just chuckles, "Yeah, it's raining cats and dogs out there"

"You're going somewhere? You look like you're in a hurry"

"Well yes, I was thinking of going back home my brothers are properly worried" He sighs, looking out into the rain calculating when it is going to stop raining.

"You know, you can take my umbrella and return to me after." The stranger handed him the umbrella, William tried to reject it at first, but the stranger stopped nagging him, so he finally took it.

Before William would leave, he asked the stranger's name. "What's your name?"

"Just called me 🅈 /🄽, it's a pleasure to meet you, sir....?"

"William, my name is William. Likewise, I promise I will bring back your umbrella in the same condition as you handed to me"

And like that, he runs off, heading to his home. After that interaction. The two start to see each other multiple times, some by chance, others are intended. William feels like he feels connected with this individual more than normal. They make him feel pleasant and delightful, and what did he do? He courts them, of course, but let's not forget about his secret admirer. The secret admirer knows that he has been seeing someone, but 'they' are not mad or mad at the person he courted, 'they' even congratulate him. That's weird, but William focuses on his affection for 🅈 /🄽.

˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖✮-------------------✮˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖

On one moonlit night, the two lovers are cuddling in the bed. 🅈 /🄽 are lying on the bed with William on top of them, they are playing with his hair, as his arms wrap around them. Seeing an expression on his face like he had something on his mind, they could not help but ask.

"Will, is something wrong?"

William snap out of his thought, "It's nothing, Love. Just work" Actually he is thinking about his plans as the lord of crimes, he never told his lover about his double life. He did not want them to get in trouble because of him. The other he is thinking about surprising is his secret admirer, 'They' stop sending him letters after he has a lover to maybe 'they' finals back down.

"You know... You don't have to keep the secret" They started tightening their hold around William, making him look up at them.

"I always support you... And, I always will, I love you... I love you before you even meet me." 🅈 /🄽 start to say how they love him and what they love about him, like in the letter William's secret admirer writes to him with the same eyes at been watch him at night.

William's face immediately turns to terror and a bit of betrayal, when he finally pieces everything together... No...please no, this can not be true, this is all part of 'their' plan.

𝐌𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐨.

𝔑𝔬𝔱 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔫 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔠𝔞𝔫 𝔭𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔲𝔰 𝔞𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱

(not even death can pull us apart)

{sorry if the ending feels rushed because it's like 6 am and i haven't slept the whole night 💀, thank you for reading!!! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡}

[glngrbred]

Hot take, Elden ring is a really good souls like, but that doesn't mean its actually a good game.

within the subgenre, souls-likes have always had really huge issues with accessibility, and i don't mean for disability alone. Elden ring especially had extremely horrible performance issues at launch, which they did eventually fix. Even then you still have to get a 400 dollar PC. Aside from that there are some strange decisions made with teaching the player, like the tutorial is just a hole that players had to point out to each other, and On my barely stable first 20 minutes, i couldn't even find (my b i guess). Obviously alot of extremely experienced gamers would be able to handle themselves super well in Elden ring even without a tutorial. But there's another issue there with accessibility.

2 last things on accessibility. The game's audio is mixed like a movie, (so barely audible or ripping out your eardrums ;-;) witch is another accessibility issue, that you have to put a lot of work in to fix. And the graphics range from maxing out the brightness, to being completely black on bad screens. obviously an issue. I'm not going to go into the issues with explanations and the general tell don't show nature of alot of souls likes, because people have already complained about the text tunnels enough

I do really appreciate the artistry and just beautiful atmosphere Elden ring has, my only issue with the graphics is the performance requirements for them. Also if you never turned the graphics all the way down, it used to cause bit lag spikes just because it wanted to i guess :")

So, my argument is that a game can be a good version of the predecessors it bases itself off of, but if it doesn't actually deliver on playability and accessibility, I really don't think its deserving of the praise it gets. here are examples of games I think are flawless Unraveled/Unraveled 2 Hades Minecraft (Java edition only [cuz bedrock is completely broken somehow???) Never alone (a cool 2 player co op platformer that me and my brother played through when we were 6 and 8 or smthn, it was incredible, and i still think its worth playing as an adult) Spelunky 2 ***Monster Hunter (except for the extremely slow RPG elements) [takes 3 months to get 1 armor set built fully :)]

So i actually have some great news for the difficulty purists, You can actually do a hardcore game well, So long as you make failure quick and readable, Make trying immediate, and Make learning a part of the design. Spelunky is not my cup of tea, i have a bad time with reaction time, but spelunky is really great, in that your goal every attempt is simply to get as far as possible. In elden ring, you have the opposite problem, where instead of completing the objective being extraordinarily hard, getting from point a to point b is tediouse, saving the game takes time, occasionally you can be attacked without knowing why, and you dont get a clear read on what went wrong, ETC. If Elden ring was only the boss fights, I would say its almost a great game. Which is why I included Monster hunter on that list, despite its insufferable grind. Also BTW spelunky 2 has four fun minigames. a requirement for any game to be truly perfect is for there to be appeal for casual gamers, and i don't think adding casual elements makes a game worse, like, ever.

Anyways, last little thing, I really dislike it when People praise games for not catering to the needs of some players. Like everyone has heard dudebros or their friends be like "It doesn't have any difficulty settings! that's so sick!" But, like, Have you ever met someone with a motor function disability, or like, just someone who doesn't play games for 30000 hours every year? Difficulty settings and the ability to control your experience are important. and this isn't about Elden ring, But if you care about being an ally you should want your games to have accessibility features, they only benefit people. and if you're so worked up about about an extra tab being in the settings window, maybe you should like, go to therapy or something.

Also Elden ring's UI is so ass it gave my design teacher a heart attack and they hired a Pe*o as our sub.

[girlycinephile]

What if Amy Rose had her own spin off??

With the release of Princess Peach: Showtime has got me thinking…imagine if we had gotten that similar experience for our fav pink hedgehog Amy Rose? Sure, you could make the argument that due to the bad reception of Shadow The Hedgehog (2005) when it was released indicated that Sega was not going to make any more sonic spin off games in the future (though I will defend that game for the entirety of my living existence because I whole heartedly loved it) but theoretically it could be a great concept to bring back because you could do so much with each character.

But in this case, I want to talk about the many ways of what I personally think could work if Amy had a spin off game.

1. Good Character Writing

Over the course of the Sonic franchise, there have been many interpretations of Amy some range from very bad to very good if you know what I’m talking about. If you want an in depth discussion of Amy’s evolution throughout the years read @ratrrriot post they do a great job of explaining it better than I ever could. But basically in short terms: showcase her love and compassion but is a fierce determined hero and willing to stand up for the people whom she cares about but retain both her bad qualities such as her stubbornness and so it would make feel more grounded and like a real person.

2. An Open World Format

Sonic Frontiers was a definite refresher for the format of Sonic games. The open world really helped how the open world is a great fit for Sonic games show casing how alive the star fall islands were and immersive gameplay experience can be. I know some people were mixed on that aspect but personally it was a welcome addition that helped with the story. In my mind, Amy would be going on her adventure led by her tarot cards as well as expanding her horizons and come across this magical and unknown land associated with love and kindness (one of Amy’s defining traits). The land would like some fantasy/ fairy tale inspired world with each level being more beautiful than the last and in a sense still being rooted into Sonic’s world with creative lore but with a girly twist on it one of the many things that definitely defines who Amy is and that some of the locations/ levels within the game could be off real life places or folklore.

3. Story

Sonic Frontiers and to an extent The Murder of Sonic The Hedgehog were praised for being the first Sonic games in years to have a good story probably since Sonic and the Black Knight. Definitely can work if they have good writers. Amy would be in the game for obvious but maybe two or three more friends along for the ride too but having them be in the story instead of them just being in the background like Cream, Blaze and Silver or something? Have them develop into by Amy had impacted them in so many ways and how they want to return the offer. Explain how the fantasy world in the game came to be, the culture of it and their way of living, sacred treasures they may hold to keep the world in balance. Introduce characters from the fantasy world so you would feel more invested into the journey and having one of the inhabitants be the main antagonist an trusted ally to the team.

3. Costume Upgrades

Amy has had some very cute outfits upgrades most notably in Sonic Dash or Sonic Forces Speed Battle but you would have to unlock the outfits doing certain tasks or completing each level zones in the game that also help progress the narrative feeling as that they are essential. Again it doesn’t have to be the case but it would be a cool feature to have be put in the game as well as her friends getting costume upgrades too.

Again, this isn’t trying to force the game if it would happen. It’s just me ranting some of my ideas if an Amy Rose spin off game were to actually happen but I doubt it’ll be the case any time soon.

My Synopsis of names of the world in the game, the levels/ zones it can contain and what it would look like;

Location of the Story: The Petula Isles

Levels/ Zones:

Valley of Love:

Dreamy Skyline:

Crittered Cove:

Wintered Wonderland:

Jubokko Forest:

Crystal Caves:

Link to @ratrrriot’s post on Amy’s Evolution:

[running-with-the-feels]

i’d love to hear some of your subscorp headcanons that haven’t made it into your fics 🫶 (love your work btw)

thank you so much!

The list might include headcanons that are in the fics as well, just bc I can't remember what all I've included

Hanzo is a cuddler, if he is in bed with another person he will end up wrapped around them like an octopus. Kuai Liang on the other hand isn't used to touching people so whenever Hanzo wraps around him he ends up just lying there, buffering.

Sparring is one of their favorite ways to flirt, partly bc they're the only ones who can give each other a real challenge and partly bc they like seeing each other all sweaty and shirtless and whatnot.

Their first date was probably a mission, not bc they'd planned that but bc they got the mission as they were leaving for their date and didn't want to waste the opportunity.

Similarly, Hanzo was probably the one that said it first (as often as I write otherwise) as he is, somehow, the more emotionally mature one between the two and Kuai Liang would not admit to an emotion if his life depended on it.

It probably happened either during or after a near death experience as well, as Hanzo's self loathing would probs make him keep it a secret.

Once they say it tho they go from allies to practically married in zero seconds flat, it's just instant.

I also think that if Kuai Liang ever. managed to track down his home from before he and Bi-Han were taken by the Lin Kuei and get some of the heirlooms and keepsakes (parents' wedding rings, photo albums, etc) he'd give Hanzo one of the rings and wear the other.

He also would not tell Hanzo where he got the ring, so Hanzo would find out from Bi-Han and probs have to go lie down for a minute while he processed that.

They are attached at the hip too, like thank god they have trustworthy ppl as their seconds in command bc they spend every other day at each other's temple. They can't be apart for more than a few hours or they get irritable.

There's a betting pool amongst the Special Forces about when they're going to get together. Takeda has considerable money on the outcome and keeps trying to nudge things into his favor.

Neither Hanzo nor Kuai Liang is aware of the betting pool.

For all that Hanzo is the more hotheaded one, Kuai Liang is actually the one more down with violence. Like someone insults Hanzo and Kuai Liang is Immediately in Attack Mode.

Hanzo is incredibly tactile too, like he needs to be touching Kuai Liang at all times. It took a while to get used to it, but now Kuai Liang jsut melts into the contact every time

NSFW Territory

Kuai Liang has a praise kink, he likes to know that he's done a good job and really enjoys it when he can make Hanzo moan.

Kuai Liang also likes to be the one in control more often then not, which Hanzo is thrilled about bc it means he doesn't have to think for the next couple of hours.

They both like biting and leaving marks but while Hanzo is happy to stop at a pretty big hickey, Kuai Liang wants to draw blood. Kuai Liang is somewhat embarrassed about that but Hanzo is Delighted.

They both have a quite frankly ridiculous amount of stamina and after a close call they'll sometimes just lock themselves in their room for a full day and just not come out.

Both of their powers do occasionally come out during sex, but while Kuai Liang enjoys that and uses it to his advantage, Hanzo is just worried he'll end up burning their house down so he tries to avoid it by keeping things under control.

Kuai Liang likes to see how far he can push that control and whether or not he can break it (spoiler alert, he can)

I think that's everything, but let me know if you want more and I'm sure I can think of some