#are you accepting boyfriend applications haha

[reptilianrepscallion]

HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI!

AIR GUITAR!!!!

[tricks-tickles]

Are You Happy?

sudden burst of inspo be like:

sorry i dropped off the face of the earth(ish) apparently im limited to three fics per fandom haha

anyway south park amirite

(also psa im bri ish so idk how american unis work so the boys r 18ish here but im p sure i didn't get anything disastrously wrong)

word count: 1459

pairing: Lee!Craig/Ler!Tweek

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Craig?” 

Tweek sat on his bed next to his boyfriend, anxiously tugging on the base of his shirt as he studied Craig’s expression. Despite being the stoic one of the two, he had a strangely tense look about him. 

“Yeah?” Craig said, fiddling with his fingers.

“Uh, are you- ACK, okay? You seem kind of n-nervous?” Tweek asked, twitching a little. 

“Oh, yeah I’m fine,” He responded, still looking at his hands, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“GAH- uh, because of your uni-university application?!” Craig had applied to the University of Colorado’s astrophysics course and was due to hear back at some point in the coming week. Although he had the grades for the course, he wasn’t sure about his personal essay and had been internally freaking out for a while. It was Saturday now, and his nerves were at an all-time high. He guessed it was starting to show.

“No.” He said, then paused, “Yes. I’m just worried I won’t get in.” Honesty is the best policy, or whatever.

“Of course you will!” Tweek said, winking out of anxiety. “You’re the- GAHAH- smartest guy I know!

Craig hummed, digging his feet into the bed. 

“I don’t know about that…” He muttered.

“And besides! Maybe they’re just BUSY! Or running late or s-something.” He said, screwing up his face in a twitch. 

“Maybe,” Craig said, unconvinced. “You’re lucky you don’t have to worry about this.” Tweek had taken a gap year to work at his parent's shop and figure out what he wanted to do with his life. If Craig was accepted then he would follow him to Boulder, or wherever he wanted to go. Tweek was sure he’d follow Craig to the ends of the earth.

“AH- don’t mention that! It’s WAY too much pressure!”

“Right,” Craig said, “Sorry.”

Tweek twitched anxiously. He had almost no experience in comforting people and was way out of his depth. Craig probably didn’t want to talk about it, and he wasn’t sure what else to do. He gently tugged on his hair, thinking about what Craig had done for him when he was anxious. Slowly, an idea formed. 

“Craig?” He said, again.

“Yeah?”

“Um, do you want me to- ACK- cheer you up or some-something?” 

He looked at Tweek, a little bemused.

“You can try,” Craig said, curious as to what he would do.

Tweek took a careful breath in, then shuffled closer to Craig and, shivering slightly, wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Craig tensed, then sagged into his boyfriend's touch. Despite having been ‘together’ for around eight years, their relationship had only become real two years ago, and even still they were a little shy around each other. Tweek was too anxious to make the first move most of the time, and Craig had no idea how to, so they danced around each other until one of them stepped up. 

Craig had forgotten how comforting Tweek could be if he tried. When Stripe 5 had died Tweek’s hugs had been the only thing keeping him together. He sighed and shuffled closer to him, breathing in the smell of coffee. 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Tweek worked up the courage to enact part two of his plan. He placed his spare hand on Craig’s side and began gently tracing his fingers along his hoodie. Craig stiffened again, jumping when Tweek’s fingers twitched against him. 

“Honey, what are you dohing?” He said, stifling a giggle when Tweek’s fingers crept toward his stomach. 

“Well, you remember when- GAH- I was f-feeling anxious about nothing a few weeks ago, and you asked me if you could cheer me up? And I said yes so you started t-tickling me and you didn’t stop until you thought I was happy? And I kept- AH- saying I was happy but you were like ‘I don’t believe you, honey.’ and it t-tickled really bad? Do you remember that?” While he spoke Tweek’s other arm slipped from around Craig’s shoulders, making him squeak and slide down the bed as Tweek started pinching his side. 

“Nohoho,” Craig said, trying to bring his knees up to protect his stomach. Tweek noticed and shifted till he was sitting on Craig’s thighs to keep them down.

“No?! You don’t r-remember? It was only a few weeks ago- GAH-, you must have a pretty bad memory.”

He started scratching Craig’s stomach, making him laugh properly.

“I rehemehembeher!” He cried, his hands torn between covering his face and pushing away Tweek’s hands. He settled on tugging the flaps of his hat till it covered his eyes.

“Oh! G-good. Then you remember that- AH- you kept teasing me too? You were like ‘Does this t-tickle, babe?’ ‘How about here?’ ‘Are you having fun? You sound like you’re having fun.’. So, Craig, I want to a-ask you: are you having fun?”

“Ahahaha!”

“‘That’s not an answer, babe.’ That’s what you’d say.” Tweek said. He had to admit that he was sort of enjoying himself. Craig had tickled him, but he’d never worked up the courage to get him back. Now though, as he watched his boyfriend squirm and blush and laugh under his wiggling fingers, he understood exactly why Craig got him all the time. His laugh was somewhat monotone but it had a lightness to it that made Tweek feel all warm inside.

“Are you happy? Are you h-having fun? Do you- AH like this, baby?” He teased, drumming into his ribcage.

Craig was sure he was going to die. Tweek’s fingers were sending little bolts of lightning through his body, darting around so he couldn’t catch them. Worse, though, was the teasing. He was sure it wasn’t as bad when he did it to Tweek, his stomach was full of butterflies and his face was burning hot. Tweek rarely called him pet names, so he was sure he was about to combust. But the worst of it was that he was enjoying it. It was fun to have Tweek be so playful and close to him and to have all his anxiety chased away by his uncontrollable laughter. Not that he was going to say that to him though. 

“Are you- ERK- ignoring me?” Tweek said, grinning impishly. His fingers wiggled upwards, then lifted entirely.

Craig panted, pushing up his hat and catching his breath.

“Ihihi’m nohoht ihignohoring yohou.” He giggled.

“Then answer my q-questions, love,” Tweek said, still smiling as his fingers twitched in the air above Craig’s chest.

“Whahat were thehey again?”

“Do- AH- do you like this? Are you h-having fun?” 

“Uh,” Craig trailed off, pulling his hat down again, “Maybe…” He whispered. 

“What was that?”

“MahahABYEHEHE!! TWEEK!” He squealed at Tweek’s fingers suddenly wiggling into his underarms. Craig slammed his arms down and arched his back, trying to squirm away from the unbearable feeling. 

“Oops, I d-didn’t catch that.” Tweek said, using his pointer fingers to rub little circles into the divots of Craig’s underarms. 

“I LIKE IT! I LIHIHIHIKE IHIHIT! PLEHEHAHASE HONEY, IHIT REHEHAHALLY TIHIHICKLES!”

“And you’re happy?” 

“IHIHI’M HAHAPPY! WHEHENEHEVEHER IHI’M WIHIHITH YOHOHOUHU IHI’M SOHO HAHAHAPY!”

Tweek squeaked, blushed, and toppled off Craig, falling to the side of him. He shifted and turned to face him, where Craig had done the same.

“Do- GAH- do you mean that?” He said, shyly.

Craig took a few deep breaths, “Yeah,” He said.

He tried to adjust his hat but ended up taking it off and throwing it somewhere vaguely behind him. Instead, he leaned forward, kissing Tweek softly. 

He made a content noise and leaned a little deeper into Craig. At that same time, the doorbell rang and Craig’s mother called him downstairs.

The two boys looked at each other before racing down the stairs and stumbling into Craig’s kitchen, where his mother stood holding an envelope.

Craig took a deep breath in, crossing the kitchen and ripping it open. Tweek felt his heart hammer, nervous on Craig’s behalf. His eyes scanned the text before he closed the letter again and gently set it down on the counter. The tension was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Slowly, he turned to face Tweek. 

Tweek’s heart sank. There were pinpricks of tears in Craig’s eyes and he was ready to offer the ultimate sympathy when a smile took over his face and he announced, in the driest, most monotone voice,

“I got in.” 

Everyone erupted in cheers. His mother, his father and sister (who had come to see what all the fuss was about,), and Tweek. 

They all rushed forward and Craig found himself crushed between all his favourite people. 

Tweek caught his gaze and smiled, his eyes glittering.

“I t-told you there was nothing to worry about. You’re the smartest guy I know.”

[drarrily-we-row-along]

I know we don't interact or talk anywhere, so this might be unwelcome but I just saw your tags and read your beautifully heartbreaking fic and..... I hope you've got someone like your version of Harry to remind you that you are wanted and perfect and loved just as you are and to give you the sort of comfort you need after you've had a rough time like a shit Thanksgiving. Because you deserve that. You are an amazing person! The positivity and the joy that shines through your fics is incredible, you are a beautiful part of this fandom, and there are so many random people who you make smile with your happily-ever-after fics!

Hello lovely. <3

Thank you so much for your kindness, you're just the sweetest.

I've been really blessed with wonderful friends (one in particular) who love me and support me. <3 (very much accepting prayers for the right husband/boyfriend ;) and accepting husband applications haha.) But all kidding aside, I'm super blessed to have support and love when I'm struggling; to have people who see me and want what is good for me. Between that and therapy, I'm able to talk a lot more openly about things that are really difficult without as much shame and feeling like I am always the problem. I really hope that in writing fics like the one I posted yesterday, more people who are struggling with seeing themselves clearly can see that they are not alone.

Thanks so much! <3 It's a genuine delight to get to write and share stories on here. I'm so glad that they can bring others a little bit of joy. <3

Lots of hugs, C

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: June 6th, 2021

I’m back with more ask responses! You can also check our Frequently Asked Question sheet if there’s something you’re wondering that’s not answered here.

FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

Thank you for the patience with these questions  ♡

Hey in very beginning of step 3 in the scene where Mr.Holden had a thought dancing on the tip of his tongue but he kept it to himself after MC and Cove were being cute (idk if it makes a difference but this is when they're dating)... Can we know what he was thinking/ wanted to say? It's been bugging me lol 

He would’ve gone into a “look how much you’ve grown”, “your dad is so proud of you”, “I’m so glad things worked out with the MC”, and etc spiel, haha. But he resisted the urge to fawn on his baby boy, at least for that scene.

If we planned to move away for college/future plans in step 3, is it implied that MC and Cove would have a long distance relationship for sure? Could MC have convinced Cove to come with them? How is the dynamic of their relationship going to be addressed in Step 4, if that makes sense? 

Cove is willing to follow the MC where they went after everything is settled for them there, and if they’re sure they want him to come! You’ll get to decide how things shook out during those transitional years just by making choices about it during the opening prologue of Step 4.

Hi! First off, how does it feel to have created one of the best games when it comes to inclusion for lbtq+ peeps? I've never felt as validated with my identity and sexuality when playing a game and I'm seemingly not alone ♥ Second, and this might be a little too specific, but what kinds of drinks does Cove like as well as dislike? Thank you, you're the best ♥

Thank you for very much! It’s really nice to hear the game felt inclusive. Cove likes regular water and fruit juices/smoothies most! He dislikes coffee and cola, and he’s not super into most teas either.

Hi, may i ask what gb patch stands for? Specifically the gb part lol

It stands for my old, silly username I used in places like Neopets as a kid, aha. The company name wasn’t super thought out since it was originally just me making VNs as a hobby. Luckily, “GB Patch” kind of seems like it could mean something reasonable, so I didn’t have to rebrand when it did become a more serious, commercial group.

If we chose to not propose to cove in the step 3 dlc would he propose or would the mc propose in step 4 or the wedding dlc? 

Yeah, you or Cove can propose in Step 4 if you’re not already engaged! The Wedding DLC takes place after the engagement so the proposal scenes aren’t there.

will you guys announce if the early access for the new game is out on patreon ? 

When beta builds of Step 4 or whatever start coming out on the Patreon we will mention it here on social media too.

Heyy I just had a quick question about Baxter if that’s okay :)?

I saw in an ask+answer that it’s possible to casually date Baxter In step 3, but what leads up to that? I have the step 3 dlc and I’ve tried playing them In a different orders and ways but it doesn’t seem to get anywhere ^^;

The Step 3 DLC is Cove-based because he’s the default guy. There’s a separate Baxter romance DLC that’s not out yet. That’s where you can get him to date you. I’m sorry for the confusion!

Will we ever get any LI's or side characters with physical disabilities or deformities? I think your games would be a great place to have them in since they're always so accepting and safe! 

Yeah, we do hope to have representation for that in future projects ^^. Thank you for the confidence in us.

Is it possible to get Cove to take the bed and MC to sleep on the floor? 

Not in Step 3, I’m afraid.

So, I have played the prologue of Our Life countless times and I haven't gotten the [Your Life] achievement, why is that? 

Steam sometimes isn’t connected properly when an achievement unlocks and so it remains locked on your account. If that happens, unfortunately getting the scene again won’t unlock it. The achievement becomes inaccessible because the game thinks you already have it. Playing with the same Steam account on a different device or fully deleting your game data (more than the only the save files) are the only work arounds we’ve found.

Since when you talk with Jeremy in step 3 it's mentioned he goes on dates with someone (which assume is JB because who else would take this boy on dates) that makes him happy, does that sort of make JB and Jeremy the canon relationship in the first game?

The default for XOXO Droplets is that JB casually goes on dates with each of the jerks! Shiloh would’ve been harsher if Jeremy was the only guy getting her attention, haha. But the player can change that default by dating just one person the whole game for their own story and who she ends up with for real has no default.

Hi, hello! Huge OL fan, thank you so much for the wholesome content, it was very much needed during these times. Managed to get several people to join team Cove, so that's very exciting, I always have people to fawn over him with. I have a little question and I'm sorry if it was asked before, but does it ever come up in the game what Cove has told his mom about us? (who knows, with so many options, one can miss it) Or, alternatively, will it come up in the Step 4 DLC? 

Thank you very much for sharing the game with people <3. It’s really great to hear people are liking it. Right now that doesn’t come up in game. Kyra is willing to keep her mouth shut and Cove isn’t gonna have that conversation either. At least not when he’s younger, but yes, perhaps when he’s a fully grown big boy in Step 4 you can ask him about it.

I’ve been thinking about this ever since it has been confirmed that there would be two love interests for OL2, would there be the possibility of forming a polyamorous relationship with both love interests? I’m sorry if you answered this previously, I’m just curious. 

We are considering it, but it’s not a guarantee yet. It’d be really great to have but it’d add so many extra alterations that’d need to made, aha.

Hello! You mentioned how Cove would be uncomfortable with kids at 23, but how old would he be when he’s comfortable with having/adopting kids? (Same goes for the other LI’s.) btw, love your game!! 

He’d want to be at least 25, but even older would be good. Derek would want to have kids when he and his partner could reasonably support them, the age itself wouldn’t matter. If they were doing good at 22 and wanted kids, he’d be up for it. Or they could wait until their 30s or whatever. Baxter is also more of a “when it feels right” guy rather than having a specific age requirement. Cove is just especially wary of being a young parent because of his own parents. I’m happy you like the game!

does step 4 immediately play after you press "end summer" in step 3? or is there another button/transition (like the story text thingy) before the epilogue begins? what happens after the epilogue? roll credits? 😂 

Step 4 will have transition section always and there will be an extra button, if you own the Derek or Baxter DLC. By default the Cove-based version of Step 4 just plays once Step 3 is over. However, having the other guys’ storylines will mean you get to pick which version of Step 4 plays; Cove Step 4 (the basic one), Derek Step 4, or Baxter Step 4.

Happy pride, thank you for all you do for us🥰

I have a quick question though, I recently got a MacBook after my old windows computer broke, and now steam says I cannot download it, but it has no issues with other games, what can I do to download it?? I’m sorry if my English is bad

Happy pride month! Unfortunately, Our Life isn’t available for Mac on Steam right now. To be an approval application Apple requires having special notarization and we as a small group haven’t gotten that. Itch doesn’t care and lets us release the game for Mac there anyway, Steam does care so we’re locked out of putting the Mac build up on their storefront. Feel free to email us and we can try to help the situation out further!

support@gbpatchgames.com

Hello! I was jus wondering if the Baxter and Derek DLCs are still happening? I haven’t heard anything about them on here or patreon in a while so I just wanted to make sure ^^

They’re still coming and we just released a new sprite sketch on the Patreon for the Derek DLC c:. But right now Step 4 is still much more of a priority. Once that’s closer to being done we’ll focus way more on sharing previews for the other guys.

is it possible to tell cove you love him (platonically) at step 3 fondness/selecting him as basically family? i just love the mc and liz sibling interactions and it got me wondering about it (especially if you've selected that option)

You and Cove can be as close as family, but there’s not a specific scene in Step 3 where you say “I love you” in a family context. But there’s always Step 4~

do you intend on ever adding a collectors mode to Our Life? Like a way to collect achievements and CGs for the gallery without it effecting any save files? 

We weren’t considering it before. But if a lot of players would find that helpful, we could start thinking on that!

Sorry if it's a silly question haha, but (in crush/love) is Cove really aware of how cute and cuddly he seems to MC? If so, what does he think or do about it? Or does he just ignore it? 

He isn’t particular aware. Cove never truly stops being surprised that the MC is interested in/attracted to him, haha.

Would you say that the alone ending of xoxo droplets is worth playing again to get? 

Nope, haha. The goal is to make friends/get a boyfriend and so the alone ending is kind of the bad ending for the game. Though there is a consolation prize if you get it by accident.

Is there any possible situation which would ever prompt Pran to bake for his girlfriend? Like I know it's unlikely I mean even if JB broke her leg somehow I'm pretty sure he'd still be like "I considered baking you a cake and doing the frosting the way I think looks interesting but you don't deserve a cake, no one does." right but also ahhh it would be super nice if some day he just surprised her with baked goods one day out of nowhere. JB would be so shocked it would be cute. So is there any possible situation where that could/would be a thing that he would do? 

He might bake out of spite, like if he felt he had to prove her wrong on something. Or if JB used some good reverse psychology on him. Or he might do it in a relatively nice way if he could make his GF so shocked by the kind gesture that his amusement with that overrode his insistence on not being sweet. Pran is very difficult in high school, aha.

Is the "one route (where) it can be seen that Everett will drop his seemingly eternal waging with Jeremy pretty easily and can start getting along without thinking much on it" the Lucas route? I'm curious! 

Yep! Everett will side with Jeremy if it’s between him and Lucas.

Hi I hope you guys are having a great day :) I just had to ask how Cliff would feel about Cove's partner/fiancé Mc calling them dad whether it be accidental or otherwise and secondly I also wanted to ask how he would feel about being asked to be the one to give the mc away at their wedding. 

He would be very touched and excited! I hope you have a good day too :D

Hello! I saw an ask relating to whether Cliff "moves on" after Cove's grown up and stuff (and he stays single), but what about Kyra? Will she be with anyone else or will she stay single? 

She does start dating again, but she takes it slow.

Hi! I absolutely love the art for characters in OL and I wonder is this fine to draw my MC in same drawing style and upload online later? Is this something artists would be okay with? Thank you! 

Yeah, you can certainly do that C:

Hey there!

I wonder if I'm just being stupid here.. Is Step 4 a DLC? And if so, where can I find it? I can't seem to find it on Steam :< Thank you!

Step 4 is a free epilogue! It’s not done yet, but once it is finished you’ll just update your game file and Step 4 will be there after Step 3 ends.

hi! are step 4 and the wedding dlc two different things?

They are. Step 4 is a free epilogue that’ll be a default part of the game once it’s done, the wedding DLC is an optional paid expansion that takes place after Step 4.

Why did Baxter not receive a step 2 sprite seeing how he shows up later

Sprites are time consuming to draw and take money out of the budget that could’ve gone to other things. His tiny appearance in Step 2 wasn’t worth all the effort to make a sprite, aha.

I just realized, what happens if if you get the patreon exclusive moment but at a later date, when you don't have the membership anymore, it's updated (like a bugs fix update for example)? Would you have to get the membership again? 

You would have to get the membership again to redownload the build. But there’s very little chance there’s going to be an update once it’s been out for over a month. If a build gets released with errors, players catch/report them within the first few days. So by the time the first subscription period ends, any problems that were noticeable would already have been fixed. And we’re certainly not gonna be adding new content to it once it’s been released for a long time. There’s no need to worry about missing out on something worthwhile in the future if you cancel your membership. It’s being made with the idea in mind that many players are gonna be getting it and then going.

Hello! Wanted to ask about gaming choice in step 3? Once upon a playthorugh I got the option to buy Cove a bracelet for his graduation present. I played the same basic character again and that option wasn't there anymore. I'm not sure where I went wrong. My Cove wears a bracelet on each hand and my MC is into fashion and jewelry. Do I need to put an earring on him or? Sorry, love your game so much. 

He also needs to have liked bracelets in Step 2 for that to be considered a good gift option for him. Sorry for the confusion! I’m happy you love the game :)

Is Step 4 being released at the same time as the Wedding DLC or will the first come before the latter? Thank you! 

I’m not sure. Ideally they’ll come out at the same time, but the wedding DLC has a lot of art to get done and we may have to release it after Step 4.

Can mc still get confession from Cove at the end of step 3 even if mc casually dates Baxter in step 3? Such as in crush mode? 

I don’t think so. Maybe that’ll change, but generally there’s differences to the Step 3 ending if you were dating Baxter and those differences likely will conflict with getting the Cove confession.

For the patreon moments/dlcs, will it be available for all tiers? 

It’ll be available for tier 2 (Fans) and up!

[softomi]

now accepting boyfriend applications.

based on my fic idea: you’ve just become newly single, in a drunken fit, you posted a status indicating you’re accepting applications for your next boyfriend. Oddly, three boys take you up on that; sending in their most professional resumes for the position. It seems there’s some fierce competitors. 

next up: literature

It hurt, why wouldn’t it hurt. Your boyfriend of almost two years dumped you over text message with no warning and his reason? He just wasn’t feeling it anymore, what the fuck. Well, twenty phone calls, a hundred text messages sent to him, and a pretty nasty voicemail. The moment you realized just how crazy you were being was when you began pounding on his door at almost ten at night. His neighbors poking their head out to stare, and it really smacked you in the face how stupid you were being.

So you threw caution into the wind. it’s a Wednesday night, your first class tomorrow didn’t start until noon and you’re literature teacher was more of a lecturer so she probably won’t notice if you’re hung over. If anything, you could always ask the guy next to you for the notes.

Thus, you decide to throw back shots to your heart’s desire, sitting in the middle of your tiny studio apartment, on your bed to scream and cry at the romance movie. Love is dead. You groan loudly when your neighbor knocks against the wall, trying to tell you to promptly shut the fuck up.

Halfway through the movie, your mind is already swaying. Your throat stings just momentarily and you sip your cheap wine in hope it’ll dull the shots you had taken previously. When the male protagonist kisses the beautiful female of his dreams, you promptly chug the rest of the wine in your glass. Upset at their love, you wrap your lips around the tip of the wine bottle, drinking straight from it.

“I can find someone better.” You’ve reached a different point in your post break up sadness, you were mixed with anger, sadness, and an overall feeling of I’ll find someone with a better dick.

It’s never a good decision to post on social media while drunk, but it’s a great decision right now. You were going to post a ‘newly single’ status. Just to be nice and not spam everyone, you think you’ll just post it to your private account for your five friends to see. You’ve clearly neglected that step when you press post and it uploads to your public twitter account.

The urge to hurl takes priority over the sudden notifications on your phone. Your hair disheveled as you’re trying to hold onto the toilet, hold onto your hair, and throw up at the same time. The romance film comes to an end once you’ve fully emptied your stomach. You shove all the things off your bed, food falling onto the floor, empty bottle of wine rolled under your bed, remote lost somewhere. You fall asleep despite your cell phone going off.

The alarm jolts you, it causes you to scream, your palm slapping the snooze button and you aggressively pull the wire so that it comes out of the socket. Your head is throbbing and your cell phone is ringing at the same time. Annoyed, your hand stretches along the bed trying to find your cell. When you come emptyhanded, you sit up. Your hand steading the pulsing of your brain and you spot your phone ringing and vibrating on the ground.

“What?” You spit out, not bothering to look at the contact as you try to block out the sun.

“What do you mean what?” The voice snaps at you, “You post about boyfriend applications all of a sudden, did you guys break up?”

Of course he would be the one calling you, the person who loves gossip more than you do, “Tooru, can you like shut up for a second.” Your brain is dying and he’s over here trying to get the latest dish on your love life, “He dumped me okay.”

“That asshole.” He gasps, “Do you want me to come over?”

You look at the time on your cell briefly, “No. I have class all day. If you’re free later?”

“Of course!”

The phone call ends and rather than getting ready for the class you have in an hour, you’re checking your notifications. You have about twenty missed calls from Oikawa, another thirty text messages from him, he even left a voicemail; god he must have been desperate. Facebook is bland, you spent most of your time on Instagram deleting the photos of your now ex, and rarely do you ever get Twitter notifications. Oddly, you have fifteen notifications; all coming from your public account.

haha, boyfriend applications are official open. only taking serious apps lol

“No.” You sit up.

It wasn’t your post that freaked you out, it wasn’t that somehow it ended up on your public account, no you could delete it and pretend as if no one saw it but people saw it.

Is she serious?

If she is, I’m down.

What does serious applications mean?

Three comments, five likes, and four retweets.

And three unread messages.

Your finger rushes to delete the tweet before it can be retweeted even more by random classmates. All was good now. Your finger presses onto the message icon, you’re confronted with the icons of three of your classmates.

The most recent is from Miya Atsumu, a terrible flirt in your biology class. He chose the seat next to you in lab when his friends ditched him and hoarded their own table. He spun around in his chair, shooting you a cheeky grin when you briefly looked at him.

His first sentence was, “Hey you’re cute.”

And yours was, “I have a boyfriend.”.

You skip over his message upon spotting his use of sweetheart in the preview.

The next icon is of the guy in your intro to business class, Kuroo Tetsuro. The first time you saw him was outside of the classroom, you two ended up accidentally reaching the doors at the same time. He lets you go in first and the both of you chose the seats farthest from the board, and closest to the door. Despite his bed hair that made him look like he was going to sleep the entire class, he was a rather studious guy; chill but smart, he was a business major after all.

“Did you understand anything he was saying?” You murmur to him as you grab your bag.

“Of course!” He states, “I don’t look at twitter on my laptop when he’s lecturing.” Ah, he caught you.

Your eyes briefly scan the preview, he’s saying something about a resume and you think he’s talking about the homework assignment. You’re about to click on his first when the last catches your eye.

It’s from Akaashi Keiji. On the first day of class, you were late due to waiting in line for coffee. You awkwardly opened the door to the classroom, everyone turning to stare, and you lower your head, choosing a random seat that now you’re stuck with for the rest of the semester because that’s just how college works. The professor goes over the syllabus and suddenly announces that the person sitting to your right will be your revision partner for the semester.

“Hey.” You stop him and for a brief minute you feel your heart skip a beat because he was absolutely pretty, “Sorry, I’m Y/n. Since we’re going to be partners, do you want to exchange info?”.

“Uh. Sure. I’m Akaashi Keiji.”

“I’m going to be late for my business class. Do you have twitter?” You were never a fan of giving your phone number out. Before he can answer, you’re scribbling your username onto a piece of paper, placing it on his desk before running out to catch your next class.

His message is brief: Did you get my email?

You click his message first; it must have been urgent if he messaged and emailed you. There’s nothing else to his message, his previous one dates almost a week before his current one, telling you that he finished reading the book you recommended and that he enjoyed it.

The screen is pulled up with your finger, alternating apps to your personal email. The subject of his email simply reads Application.

Curiously, you click the attachment he’s sent with no body text. Your jaw dropped, hand placed over your open mouth and a small scream emitting.

“Is he fucking serious?”

His name is displayed at the top, along with his birthday, star sign, zodiac sign, age, even the pronouns he uses. There’s a short sentence under it. I am submitting an application for the position of Boyfriend. You’re internally screaming, blinking fast hoping that this was a joke but his ‘application’ reads like a resume. It lists his education from middle school to his current, his previous jobs, his skills, and his own personal goals for the future.

Your blushing profusely, you want to pull your hair, scream, even throw your phone but you shove down the feelings that want to have you die of embarrassment. You don’t have the energy to sadly explain to him that you were drunk and weren’t serious; ugh and you’re going to have to continue seeing him for the rest of the semester.

You revert back to twitter; your heart suddenly drops when you think about Kuroo’s message. Quickly, you pull up the messages, clicking his and suddenly you want dig yourself a grave because he’s sent a link to a pdf and it’s simply titled Resume. He probably used a resume template and never changed the title.

And sure enough, it’s a fucking professional resume declaring the certain skills he has to be your boyfriend. In fact, like the professional business major he is, he includes a letter of intent; indicating his reasons of interest for the position. It details the little quirks he finds cute about you. You want to break your phone in half with how red in the face you feel.

As you exit his message, you’re slowly praying that Atsumu’s message is just a random flirty comment that he occasionally likes to throw you once in a while or perhaps you’re hoping that he fell in a ditch and you won’t have to work with him for the rest of the semester since he almost blew up the lab station last time.

Nope, it’s a link to a google document. Oddly, you click it. Your heart has sunk to the pit of the earth because when you open the document, you see his fucking name in the upper right corner indicating he’s still on the stupid document.

Fuck fuck fuck. You’re running away from the document, aggressively leaving the page but it doesn’t help that when you end up back at your twitter messages, you can see the three dots, telling you he’s typing.

Morning sweetheart hope you enjoy the app

He sends it with a flirty wink and you stare at it for five full minutes. Curiosity gets the best of you and you click back onto his link, he’s no longer on the same document and you sigh safely. For someone who’s barely passing biology, his document was rather professionally detailed. Damn, he’s on the school’s volleyball team? Weirdly the page cuts off halfway, you continue to scroll until the next title page boldly states: Bedroom skills.

It didn’t help that you were scrolling a little too fast and caught sight of an image showing off his toned upper body. There goes his professionalism.

Your phone suddenly blares low battery, your screen turns black and now your anxiety is through the roof. You jump on your bed, trying to plug in your phone and you’ve just now realized that it is thirty minutes until your first class starts and it is literature. You’re scrambling to find your laptop, you trip on the bag of chips from last night, awkwardly trying to stand as you reach for your school bag.

“Shit!” You scream. You suddenly remember letting your stupid ex-boyfriend borrow your laptop.

You fall to the floor, fingers pulling your hair as you suddenly think about the deep shit your in. First, your boyfriend dumped you, now you randomly have three guys who sent you applications to be your next boyfriend and you’re still going to have to see them for the rest of the semester if you reject them. Lastly, you’re going to have to go to your ex’s place to get your laptop after having made a scene yesterday, and your phone is dead so you can’t cry to Oikawa about the deep shit you’re in.

[breanime]

Judge of Character (Part Two)

Requested by @agentlingerie:  Prequel, sequel, billy's pov, any one or all of the above for "Judge of Character". Although you could write anything for any one of your fics and I'd read it

*gif not mine*

Billy didn’t like this. He was sitting across from an accountant with his arms crossed with you at his side. You were nodding along at what the accountant was saying eagerly, and even in his annoyance Billy had to admit you were too cute. You were trying to open a bakery—an idea that he loved—but you were adamant about doing it on your own. Billy, of course, as your boyfriend, was completely against you taking out a loan and wanted to finance your business himself, but you wouldn’t allow it. So now he found himself sitting beside you at a bank, listening to some scumbag try to woo you with low interest rates.

“I think we can definitely make your dream a reality, Ms. Y/L/N,” the account said with a smile, “Your credit is impeccable, you have experience and success in the field, and you have a good head on your shoulders. Let me just check something with my boss, and I’ll be right back,” he said, getting up and excusing himself.

You turned to Billy, eyes bright and excited, and he felt himself melt a little at the uncontained excitement in your eyes. “Oh my god,” you whispered, even though the two of you were now alone in the office, “It’s happening!”

Billy licked his lips, grabbing one of the papers off of the desk and checking the figures. He wanted to be happy for you—and in a way, he was—but this whole process just seemed so unnecessary to him. He was your boyfriend; it was his job and privilege to support and provide for you, but you just wouldn’t let him. Billy had no doubt in his mind that you would be successful, but the way these loans were set up, you’d be paying them off for years to come—and Billy had plans for your upcoming years, plans that involved commitment and vows and a ring… “I don’t know about this, babe,” he started.

“Hey,” you interrupted, frowning at him, “You said you’d be supportive.”

“I’m trying to be,” he said—ready and willing to have this argument again, “But I’m telling you, you don’t need to do this—”

“—Billy…”

“—if you would just let me help you—”

“—I’m not—”

“—we could do this on our own.”

“Billy,” you said slowly, “We’ve talked about this. I don’t want to take your money. You’re just here to make sure I’m not being swindled—and I’m not. This guy is being really helpful.”

“Yeah,” Billy said, definitely not sulking, “He’s helping you into 30 years of debt…”

You sighed. “That just comes with the business,” you reasoned.

“Not if you have a benefactor providing the start-up money,” he said back.

“You’re my boyfriend,” you reminded him, “not my benefactor…Though I am so good, you should pay me,” you grinned.

Billy couldn’t help but smile back. You really were. Fuck, he was so head-over-heels in love with you, it would be scary if it wasn’t so incredible. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for you, and more importantly, he knew there wasn’t anything you couldn’t do. Still, he couldn’t accept the fact that your dream of owning your own bakery would be mulled down with debt and loans and banks when he could make it so much easier for you if only you would let him.

“Come on,” you said, nudging his shoulder with your own, “Use that slightly scary judgement of yours—do you get a bad feeling from this guy?” You asked, referring to the accountant.

Billy put the paper back on the desk. The numbers were—technically—accurate, and the accountant was on the up and up, but… He still didn’t like it. “I’m not sure yet,” he answered honestly.

You rolled your eyes, and Billy was sure he was about to get yet another one of your speeches about why you had to do this on your own, when the door opened, and the accountant walked in followed by his boss…

…your ex-boyfriend Aaron.

Your eyes widened, and Aaron sneered at the sight of you. Billy, however, just laughed—he fucking knew there was something off about this place.

“Take a break,” Aaron said to the accountant, not looking away from you, “I’ll take it from here.” The accountant looked unsure, but exited his own office, leaving the three of you.

“I thought I was reading this wrong,” Aaron said, sitting at the desk and gesturing towards you with a copy of your application paper, “But nope; here you are. Here you both are.”

“If you can’t be professional about this—” you started.

“No, no, I can,” he assured you, glancing over at Billy—who was still smirking. “I just…I knew I’d get this opportunity; I just didn’t know it’d be so soon.” He licked his lips. “I’ve always regretted how things ended between us, Y/N…”

“Oh, you mean when you tried to get in a pissing contest with me and she punched you in the face?” Billy supplied.

Aaron took a breath, his lips twitching downward before turning back to you. “I know you and I were meant to be together,” he said, ignoring Billy, “I know this…distraction that you have going on here with Russo is temporary, and that we’ll end up together.”

Billy wasn’t smiling anymore.

“I looked this over,” Aaron went on, “Your business plan. It’s great. You know, I think we could even get the deposit down 12%, and between you and me, we could trim these interest rates, too…”

Billy felt himself grow tense. Who the fuck was he to talk like this? Like he was your partner, the one who would help you achieve your dreams?

“… And you know what? I bet we could even add in another loan for some extra conditioning,” Aaron went on.

“Actually,” you said, standing up, “That won’t be necessary. This—like us dating—was a huge waste of my time, your time, and Billy’s time.” You gathered your papers, and Billy watched you in awe. “Billy and I are going to do this on our own, and in the sense of being professional, let me just say, your accountant is very nice and was really helpful, and you can go to hell.” Billy grinned, standing up beside you. “And also, just so you know, no matter how many loans you try to offer me or how low you can get the interest rates, you will never be enough for me. You’ll never be Billy Russo.” You grabbed Billy’s hand, ready to leave, but stopped before you got to the door. You turned back, and Billy did with you, smirking at the look on Aaron’s face—shocked and embarrassed. “I love him, and he loves me, and he fucks me so good that I forget anything else except how to say his name.” Your smile was sugary sweet. “Have a nice day and don’t ever come to my shop!”

And with that, you led Billy out.

“So,” he said, laughing, “We’re doing this?”

Your answering smile rivaled the sun. You leaned up and kissed him. “We’re doing this,” you said back, “Me and you.”

“Me and you,” he repeated, liking the sound of it.

Later, after your bakery’s 6-month anniversary where you were interviewed by the Times for their front-page success story, Billy walked into the kitchen to see you cutting out the picture from the paper. He stood behind you, arms around your hips, and grinned at the picture: you standing proud in front of the shop, holding a plate of your famous beignet’s with an arm wrapped around Billy, dressed in a suit and smiling down at you like you hung the sun.

“You know we already have three copies of this, right?” He asked, kissing you on the cheek. There was one at your house, one framed and lamented in his office, and a third one blown up to near poster size proudly displayed behind the counter of the bakery. You’d also sent one to your parents, and Billy knew for a fact that Frank, the sentimental fool, had a crumpled copy of the story in his apartment, and Curtis had one in his office as well. “What’re you doing with this one?”

“Being petty,” you hummed, folding it up and sliding it in an envelope, “I’m sending it to Aaron—personal delivery.”

“Babe…” He started.

“Not by me,” you clarified, turning and pecking him on the lips, “By my new froster.” The doorbell rang, and you and Billy turned at the same time towards the door. “Ah, there he is.”

Billy followed you, curious, to the door, watching as you opened it to reveal the accountant from before, the one who worked for Aaron. Billy smirked as you greeted him. Only you, only his girl, would poach Aaron’s best man and take him for herself. He watched you hand him the letter.

“I thought you could deliver this with your resignation letter,” you said cheerfully.

“Yeah, no problem,” he said, nodding eagerly, “And—thank you again for this opportunity. You have no idea how hard it was to work for that prick.”

Billy laughed, and you turned to him with a grin. “See,” you said, “you’re not the only one who’s a good judge of character.”

*******************************************************************************************

 Thanks for reading! Fun fact--the accountant may or may not have hidden a pile of human shit somewhere in Aaron’s office. I got this idea from an experience @banditthewriter had with a delusional ex, so thank you Bandit! Haha!

Taglist: @lexxierave @loveintheroyalfamily @suchatinyinfinity@fanfictionrecommendations-com  @maxslime-blog @elanor-of-imladris@songforhema @lucielandss @fandomlifeandeverythingelse @themadhatter92@realduckvader @the-blind-assassin-12 @christinawxxx @anabella-baby @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @luminex3 @littlemermaidprobz @ashkuuuu@luckysstrikes @carlaangel86 @floralpeaceofmind @dylanobrusso@teacuplotus @iaintnofurry @thesumofmychoices @ymariejp @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @mrsjaxtellerfan @whovianayesha @holamor @drinix @rhabakoli @stories-you-wont-hear @king4thesirens @starkrobb @marauderskeeper @charlylama @thesandbeneathmytoes @miss-nerd95 @something-tofightfor @banditthewriter  @binbons-is-theloml @thebabblingbookworm @khuangpu13

[cursedwolfprince]

I’m having one of those weird mood nights where I’m just here existing and thinking.

Like-

Remember when people would say “accepting boyfriend (s/o) applications now”

Was that all just a haha,,,unless? Kinda meme or like... do you think people actually formatted s/o applications and conducted interviews??

Anyways I bought myself a mini cake-

[whoopsimwritingagain]

Back Home - Jacob Black

A/N: This is an A/U where there’s no mention of the vamps/ Bella, but I’m not outright denying their existence in this universe because this universe would collapse. The character is modeled after Bella in some ways and is original in others. Please send in requests, and commentary on my work,

DISCLAIMER: I am no longer accepting requests for any of the wolves! While I am glad to write any that have already come to my inbox I realized in writing that I simply do not know these characters well enough to feel good about my work or write complexities into the story. Sorry for any inconveniences!! Much love.

Word Count: 1978

Warnings: None

I rolled the last of my suitcases across the hardwood floor of my childhood bedroom into the closet where it would wait to be unpacked. “I think that’s the last of them,” my dad says. I have barely spoken since I arrived. I just can’t seem to find any words worth speaking. My dad knows why I’m here. At this point I feel like the whole town of Forks knows why I, a 22 year old former valedictorian, is moving back into her dad's house and working at the local diner. Everything seemed to be going fine. Better than fine actually, I had earned a coveted paid internship at the Boston Globe that I was set to start the month after my wedding to a promising young medical student. God, I should have known this was coming. That sentence sounds flat out ridiculous.

After graduation we entered the wedding prep whirlwind. Everything had been booked and ordered, but I had to deal with my soon-to-be mother-in-law. So I endured a month of her asking me if we wanted the bridesmaids hair to be curled or braided and teased, or if we should order last-minute gift bags. I endured a month of her silent judging, or not so silent when I wanted to have a glass of red wine after having my teeth whitened. All of that for him to leave me on our honeymoon. Ethan told me that I had changed while he was “too busy to notice,” and that I didn’t make him happy anymore. He said he wished he would have left me at the altar so we wouldn’t need to go through the headache of nullifying the marriage. A three year relationship thrown in the trash and a ring thrown in the ocean (that he billed me for.) So I got on the first flight to Boston from Athens and booked an Airbnb for the remaining weeks until I could move into the apartment I had planned to share with E. And then the unthinkable happened. My contracted position at the Globe was eliminated. I was offered a package, along with the dozens, maybe even hundreds, of employees that lost their jobs thanks to the digitization of journalism. I used most of the money from the package to do four things on the Thursday Evening I was “let go.” 1. I bought my plane ticket to Seattle, and booked a rental car I could take to forks 2. I backed out of my lease. 3. I wrote Ethan a check for the ring. 4. I sent the majority of our wedding presents back to the givers along with a note giving a blunt and apologetic explanation of how my life had fallen out of place.

Knowing all of this, my father gave me my space. He let me not talk the day I moved back in, he let me ignore my old friends, he let me leave my personal mail unopened on the kitchen counter - I didn’t want anyone’s condolences. After the fourth week of me interacting solely with him and my customers at the diner he slid a card for a therapist across the dinner table. Now, I recognize that therapy is very beneficial for a lot of people, and I couldn’t tell you why, but I absolutely did not want to go to therapy. So instead, we found a sort of compromise. I would start talking to people. I wouldn’t ignore the neighbors anymore when he goes over to chat with them, and I’d start going to church with him. But most importantly, I would start seeing one of my old friends - at least once a week. I protested and I tried to find loopholes, but each time he would remind me that I was living in his house rent-free while I worked to pay off my student loans, and I would have to shut up. So I finally started picking up the sympathy calls, or at least the calls, from one person in particular, Jacob Black. Jake, my high school boyfriend, the one that got away if you will. Or rather, the one who stayed behind. Jake and I have a long history. Our dads have been good friends for a long time. My father and I moved to Forks because my dad wanted to downsize our lives after my mother died. Billy and dad met in the very diner I work in now, and apparently Jake’s mom had died 2 years prior. Grief loves company or some shit like that. So we grew up making mud pies and stick forts on the beach. Around high school things got weird and by the end of the first semester of our freshman year we figured it would only hurt more to try and fight the feelings we had developed for each other. So there you have it. High school love.

Jake had been an absolutely perfect boyfriend. Sure, we fought, everyone fights, but we really had something special. Jake is just so light-hearted, and sincere, and physically… well, he’s pretty stunning. Getting through his transition was tough because he was so confused and angry. But we did! I thought if we could make it through that we could make it through anything. I was wrong. March of senior year I was accepted to the University of Washington’s journalism program, and Jake started talking to Billy about what taking a bigger role in the pack would look like. I didn’t want to stay in a small town, but Jake couldn’t leave, he had too deep of a connection. We talked about this after graduation. The decision wasn’t immediate. If anything, that week we made every effort to be closer to each other. Occasionally, after we had sex, or during whatever movie we were watching, one of us would catch the other staring off into space. No doubt contemplating the predicament at hand. It was a mutual ending, but it was still hard, it still hurt for a long time. I even saw a counselor at my college for a while just to try and figure out what I wanted. But we have remained good friends, he even stood at my wedding, so his calls have been the hardest to ignore. The next time he calls me, I answer, and it’s the most relief I’ve felt since I threw my ring into the sea.

We meet the next day at a little cafe. He looks happier than I remember. Jake greets me five minutes early and his beaming smile makes me feel secure. I wave at him right before being engulfed in one of his warm and comfy hugs. For those five seconds it’s like I’m back in high school. This is the least worried I’ve felt since those simpler days. No deadlines, or internship applications, no boyfriend to make me feel like I need to “be better” all the time. Just Jake and cold brew. He starts with small talk, knowingly avoiding the dreaded “how are you” and navigating more comfortable topics like the pleasantly sunny day we were enjoying in the rainy peninsula. He fills me in on the latest pack drama and I regurgitate the bits and pieces of local news I pick up at the diner. He’s making some joke about the Forks kids who have been sneaking onto the beach at the res and as I laugh I instinctively put my hand on his arm. It would be cheesy to call what he makes me feel “electricity”, but that small action definitely made my hair stand on end. Jake must feel the same way because we both blink at the point of contact for a moment before pretending to study the wall. The conversation lulls for a minute. When he starts to talk about the res again he moves his arm, but he doesn’t pull it away, instead he holds my hand.

The cafe closes three hours after we get there, so we grab drink refills and head to our favorite trail. Perfectly stationed between my house and the res. I sit down on a rock near the cliff and Jake comes to sit down by me. We sit there in silence for a while, enjoying the waves. Jake looks over at me now and I can already tell what he’s about to say. He opens his mouth and then thinks better of it. Instead he says “Is it… okay?” “Actually,” I reply, “I think you’re the only person who’s allowed to talk to me about it right now.” “Oh, okay” he gulps and lets it sit for a second. “Y/N I can honestly tell you that I didn’t see it coming. If I did I would have told you I wouldn’t have let you… I wouldn’t have let him!...” Jake is clearly flustered at this point. “I wouldn’t have let it get that far if I thought it would hurt you.” It’s hard to know how to respond to him when he gets like this, equally caring and alpha male, so I think carefully before speaking. “Jake you won’t always be able to tell what’s going to hurt me… no one can. People get hurt in life sometimes there’s nothing you can do about that.” Wrong answer. Jake’s brow furrows. “But I should have been able to protect you! It’s different.” I shake my head. “Jake you can’t be perfect all the time… I know you’re different, and that's special! But… that doesn’t mean that bad things will never happen. A bad thing happened to me, Jake. A lot of them actually. But… now I’m back home. I might not have my job but I have my degree, I’ve got no apartment but I’m not paying rent, and I don’t have a lying husband… but I have a true friend.” There’s a good half-minute of breathy silence “Wow,” Jake finally breaks it, “not a dry eye on the rock.” I smile “Haha Jake.” He turns my chin towards him so we’re making eye contact again “I know you missed my dry humor.” he says with a grin. And then we’re kissing. I don’t know who kissed who or how this started. But he’s kissing me and I’m kissing him. I don’t know how much time passes with my arms around his neck and for the first time since I left Forks, I don’t care that I don’t have the answers to everything anymore. Eventually, he draws away, but not too far away, and asks “friend?” I grin at him and answer “maybe not”

We spend the night talking and curled up in his bed, the same big wooly comforter as when I left. We talk and we talk and we kiss again and eventually, we do more than kiss. If I was talking to one of my friends I would seriously chastise her for sleeping with her high school ex-boyfriend the first night she sees him again  but with Jake, it’s just so different. He isn’t my high school it’s just him and me and everything is exactly like it’s supposed to be. It’s almost six in the morning. His face is lit by the rising sun and I’m laying on his chest. “Jacob” I state. “What” he cocks his eyebrow and wraps his arms tighter around me. “I think I’ve fallen back in love with you.”

Ahh!

So I started writing this in August and obviously college and life hit and I didn’t really forget about it but I just never felt like I had time or motivation to finish it. Then Rona. I hope you all are safe and able to take care of yourself. I’ll fix grammatical stuff as I catch it but please continue to requests and double requests because I will get them done eventually even if I disappear.

[aqvarius]

Fav voltage games and any guys similar to you???

thanks for the ask!

[5] favourite games:

1. Her Love in the Force: because i’m So Predictable. honestly i feel this game is one of the strongest overall. the writing is incredible, the mix of drama and romance and action is perfect, the plots are always so interesting. i sometimes play other games and then kind of put it down before i’m finished with a route but with HLITF, i have to finish the whole route ASAP because i love the feeling of investigating and uncovering the plot in addition to the developing romantic relationship. also all the love interests are really top notch, and you really get to see the mc’s development into an incredible detective. can’t go wrong with this game at all. i recommend it wholeheartedly to everyone.

2. Dreamy Days in West Tokyo: this game makes me feel nostalgic for a high school experience i never even had. this is voltage’s sweetest game of all time (i say that but i actually never played class trip crush or any of the other school life ones lmao). if you love school life shoujo manga and osananajimi romances that you actually get to see develop all the way to marriage, this is the game for you. the reason that it’s one of my faves is that it’s actually surprisingly quite full of drama and anguish as well and i found a lot of the conflict in the relationships really quite relatable. i also love the camaraderie between the whole friend group :)

3. Be My Princess: a true classic. this is one of the first voltage games i ever played. i totally understand why it had to come to an end but how i wish there was more BMP content. give us butler routes voltage you cowards!!!!! BUM is not the same!!!! anyway wow this was back when princesses were the trend for MCs and now i guess everyone is just raring for action MCs. i miss Average Girl MCs - anyone else? i’d love to see more political drama in BMP too… i’m also especially nostalgic for this game because the OG voltage tumblr crew were so much fun

4. Kiss of Revenge: such a good game that i wish they continued. this is when i feel like voltage was peaking with their more mature games and MCs. the only good and valid Dr. MC, RMD MC needs to learn from her. this is another game where i wish there were more content. i love that the MC is the focal point of the drama rather than the love interests. although i do suppose it is a game where the premise only really allows for limited content…

5: A Knight’s Devotion/My Sweet Bodyguard: AKD is just MSB in medieval times. i couldn’t decide between the two because the premise is basically the same and AKD is just the ‘less content’ version of the two. i do still really like the bodyguard/knight falling in love with his mistress trope, and i don’t really mind that the MC is kinda weak physically. people always slag her off for just like panicking when she’s in precarious situations but unless you’re a seasoned fighter, you would panic in real life too, don’t lie. there are different types of strengths and i feel like the AKD/MSB MCs demonstrate the type of tolerance and understanding that really complements their LIs. also i’m forever grateful for MSB for giving us the greatest spinoff app of all time, HLITF. 

6. BONUS it’s not an otome game but Voltage released this game 生存率0%! 地下鉄からの脱出 which is a VN horror survival type game? I’ve been wanting it since I saw the trailer in 2013. 

[5] guys similar to your personality:

all the tsunderes lol. no but for real

1. Ayumu Shinonome: this is strange because i love him so much as a LI haha. but in actuality, we’re pretty similar. i’m pretty bad at expressing my feelings for people even if i feel them so strongly and i kind of send out hints here and there and expect my SO to get them (and he gets it just enough for me to feel like this a viable form of communication lol). in general i’m the type of person who often does things without explaining myself and internalise everything when i’m annoyed. i did one of those stupid facebook meme generator things about myself and it came up with this which is so accurate i hate it

i’m also the type to put a lot of value on toiletries/cosmetics lol, i’ll spend an hour hovering around the chemist/drugstore and i’ll do SO much research before buying new makeup/skincare/haircare etc. ayumu and i share a motto which is “要靚唔要命” (fashion > comfort/life lmao)

i also take my teaching pretty seriously (although… i would never ever date a student) like literally i’ll have to get up at 7am to teach a 9am seminar and then i’ll still be up at 4am thinking of activities to try to get them to practice applying a certain theory or adjusting the wording of my questions to get them to understand something better. i love peach tea and i used to get it from the vending machine every day when i was in school lmao and i was not gonna reveal this for fear of seeming lame but i’m just gonna admit that i also have a dinosaur phone case hahahaha although i got it just cause it was cute and not cause i’m a dinophile. anyway the big difference between us though is that ayumu is a genius while i am made up of Dumbass Juice

2. Toru Kurosawa: i’m loathe to admit it but i’m also kinda similar to this….. freaking……. guy…….. cause he’s kinda cheerful and sometimes a bit of a chatterbox on the surface but also kinda… two-faced?? which, same. i don’t really take things seriously unless it’s actually a big deal to me and then i’m like SUPER serious about it. also my friends probably all find me super annoying l m a o there was a time in my life where i would spam my close friend circle group chat and everyone would just ignore me 

another similarity is that we tend to push people away when we have personal issues to deal with. i always try to sort my own shit out before involving anyone else even if the situation involves them (but this also means that even if something is not my fault i’ll find a way to rationalise that it is my own fault and then accept it as my own problem and the other person will get off scot free)

3. Rihito Hatsune: oh? what’s that? another Bad Personality Guy? i think i’ve toned this down a fair bit from before but i can actually be pretty manipulative with guys and instead of being up front and direct, i’ll just do and say things that will get me the response that i want (lol the recurring theme here is that i’m a terrible person and bad communicator. @ my boyfriend, thank you for putting up with me for 4 years lol). i’m also a classically trained musician (but stopped just short of applying to conservatory for musical performance when i did my uni applications back in the day cause i suck at theory)

4. Mizuki Fujisaki: beyond all my two-facedness, bad interpersonal communication skills and other general negative personality traits, i think mizuki and i are similar in that we share the same airheadedness. like i think we both share a brainwave and that brainwave is only accessible in outer space. in mizuki, it’s cute. in me, it’s… ADHD maybe…??? who knows. 

5. Glenn Casiraghi: it’s hard to find 5 different guys who are similar to me lol. i guess i would go with glenn because he has a complex about his age (i too have always been the youngest in my cohort - family, friends, schoolmates, etc. and i have such an inferiority complex about it lol) and he can be kinda spoilt but also pretty responsible when he has to be

[all-the-lovely-newsies]

could you do hcs (for jack/davey) hs au where davey is rly stressed abt college essays?

OH BOY DO I ANON!! Thanks for the request! Here ya go!

—

- Poor Davey is stressed out of his mind

- Application essays, scholarship essays, class essays

- Essays about himself, his hero, his favorite season

-if you can think of it, Davey’s wrote it

- “The Asparagus Club Scholarship?” Jack asks one day after school when he finds Davey huddled in a back corner table of the library

- “ They give out $2,000 dollars Jack. I could use that $2,000 dollars”

-“Yeah, But this is for people pursuing a career in the grocery industry”

- “And that’s all I’ll ever do if I can’t pay for school!”

- Jack sighs but he knows not to get Davey riled up. Instead he sits quietly and doodles while his boyfriend wrote himself to the bone.

-He completely zoned out until he heard the sobs

- he looked up from his sketchers to see Davey still writing, but tears pooling out the corners of his eyes.

- “Davey, are you okay?”

-“I can’t do it Jack. I just can’t do it”

- Jack immediately leaps up and wraps him in a hug

-“Davey’s breath hitches, “All Of these essays suck and I won’t be able to finish them all by the deadlines anyways so I won’t get into any schools and even if I did I wouldn’t be able to PAY for it because no one will choose my stupid essays anyway and then I won’t get a good job and I won’t be able to support myself which means I’ll be living on the streets and my parents will be so dissapointed in me and I’ll be alone with only the garbage cat to keep me company!”

-“hey, hey, hey,” Jack tilts Daveys head up to meet his eyes, “You’re the smartest, most amazing, hardworking person I know. People would be crazy not to accept you. These damn Asparagus people are going to go nuts over their one applicant!”

-Davey chuckles.

- “And hey, if something does go wrong, which it won’t, but if it does, I’ll live on the streets with you. And we’ll get the best cardboard box to live in! It’ll be a cardboard MANSION !! And we can house ALL the garbage cats!”

-Davey smiles, “I guess that doesn’t sound too bad. At least we’d be together”

-“Exactly! Now come one” Jack stand up and grabs Davey’s hand pulling him out of the library

-“Where are we going?”

-“You, are taking a break and WE are getting some ice cream”

-“But Jack, all my stuff!”

-“Davey, it’s A Friday afternoon, no one else would be caught dead here”

- And the two of them go to the ice cream parlor.

-Jack gets a double chocolate milkshake and Davey gets two scoops of Strawberry ice cream in a cone.

-Davey decides that the essays can wait. The Asparagus Club will just have to be without their first member for a little while longer

—-

Thank you again for the request!! I hate repeating myself but I love writing these so don’t hesitate to keep sending them!! (It just night take me 12 years to answer haha)

ALSO the Asparagus Club is TOTALLY a real thing!! (I did some research)

[silent-killer-0227]

HitsuKarin Week Day 4

Prompt: Modern

Setting: AU, Online

____

Summer Pear: ASL?

Blue Dragon: I am not interested.

Summer Pear: Jeez, mate, who pissed on your cheerios?

Summer Pear: And why did you bother to reply if you were not interested?

Summer Pear: No, the more pressing question is, what the hell are you doing in a dating app if you're just gonna be an asshole about it?

Blue Dragon: Stop messaging me.

Summer Pear: You're online in a dating app.

Summer Pear: And you're asking me to stop messaging you?

Summer Pear: Doesn't that defeat the purpose of this thing?

Summer Pear: Or maybe you've already found 'The One' here. That's why you don't want to talk to anyone else now. Fine. I'll leave you be.

Summer Pear: Wait, does this thing still let you have conversation with other, what do you call it, 'searchers' if you've already found your match?

Summer Pear: Isn't it supposed to set your status to 'taken' or something like that? And doesn't it close your chatbox for any incoming message, other than those from your 'match'? Or your 'the One'? Or whatever stupid name they call it?

Summer Pear: Or does this stupid dating app allow two-timing?

Summer Pear: How does this stupid app work anyway?

Blue Dragon: I thought you'll leave me be?

Blue Dragon: And why are you asking me about this stupid thing?

Blue Dragon: How am I supposed to know?

Summer Pear: Oh so you agree that this thing is stupid. But you're using it so I figured you have a good idea.

Blue Dragon: You're using it too.

Summer Pear: Yeah well, only because my twin sister has been pestering me about it, telling me to install this stupid stuff. I installed it just so I could get her out of my hair.

Summer Pear: It's not like I am interested in searching for a match either. I was bored so I thought I'd fool around here for a little while.

Summer Pear: So far though, every single one I've talked to has turned out to be an asshole. Boys and girls alike.

Blue Dragon: And I suppose that includes me?

Summer Pear: haha, don't worry, you're a different kind of asshole. At least now you're starting to give semi-decent replies.

Summer Pear: And at least, you don't ask for nudes or try to have phone sex with me.

Blue Dragon: What the hell?

Summer Pear: Yeah I know. It's really stupid.

Summer Pear: This thing is stupid.

Blue Dragon: Haven't we established that already?

Blue Dragon: Look, I'm sorry on the way I responded earlier. I was just frustrated with my own sister for installing this application here in my phone without my knowledge. She was also the one who set up this account.

Blue Dragon: So I guess that answered your earlier question. I am not online in this application because I want to. It just automatically connected to my WiFi.

Summer Pear: Huh, that makes sense.

Summer Pear: And look at that! You can actually make a real conversation! I was starting to think I was talking to a robot.

Summer Pear: Sisters are kind of pain in the ass sometimes, right?

Blue Dragon: Sure. Especially the ones who stick their nose on your non-existent romantic life.

Summer Pear: Hah! Tell me about it!

Summer Pear: Anyway, why did you not uninstall the app if you didn't like it?

Blue Dragon: I would. Instantly. But my sister has somehow gotten her tech savvy boyfriend to protect this application with a password, which means I will not be able to uninstall it without breaking the right code.

Summer Pear: I didn't know it was possible.

Summer Pear: Is that even legal?

Blue Dragon: Doesn't matter. I just want to get rid of it.

Blue Dragon: I was actually on my search engine, looking up for a way to break this stupid app barrier even without cracking the code, when your message popped up.

Blue Dragon: That's why I told you to stop because your continuous pop up messages were distracting me.

Blue Dragon: What does ASL mean anyway?

Summer Pear: What? So you can search the internet for something as complicated as bypassing a code but you can't look up for the meaning of ASL?

Blue Dragon: Why would I waste my time for something as frivolous as that?

Summer Pear: Big word, frivolous. And here you are asking me about that something 'frivolous'

Blue Dragon: Fine. Don't tell me. I couldn't have cared less.

Summer Pear: Wow, you're one easy person to wind up, aren't you?

Summer Pear: ASL means Age, Sex, Location. When someone asks you 'ASL?' you're supposed to give those basic info. The answer is not 'I am not interested.'

Blue Dragon: I told you I am sorry, didn't I?

Summer Pear: Hehe, you indeed are one easy person to wind up. So... ASL?

Blue Dragon: 19, Male, Junrinan, Rukongai. What's yours?

Summer Pear: Aww, now you're getting interested.

Summer Pear: 17, F, Mashiba, Karakura

Blue Dragon: What? You're just from the opposite side of the district?

Blue Dragon: And I thought you're a guy. I mean, you didn't sound like a girl at all.

Summer Pear: I know, small world.

Summer Pear: And you sound like a girl to me, but you didn't see me comment about it, now did you?

Blue Dragon: You just did. But seriously, when you said you have a twin sister I just assumed you were fraternal twins.

Summer Pear: We are fraternal twins. But not the boy-girl fraternal. We are fraternal twins in a way that we don't look alike at all.

Summer Pear: So you're working or studying?

Blue Dragon: Graduating from University this year.

Summer Pear: What?! But you said you're 19? Aren't you supposed to be in first or second year?

Blue Dragon: I was accelerated.

Summer Pear: Seriously? So you're a smart ass?

Blue Dragon: Just smart.

Summer Pear: You're smart and you're an asshole, so you're a smart ass.

Summer Pear: So what University do you go to?

Blue Dragon: Seireitei University

Summer Pear: Figured. My brother go there to.

Summer Pear: Hey, tell me more about yourself.

Blue Dragon: What's this? A job interview?

Summer Pear: See, you're just being a smart ass.

Blue Dragon: Will you stop with the smart ass already?

Summer Pear: Hehe, chill, dude. I'm just bored. And if you're not really happy with this conversation, you could have stopped replying.

Blue Dragon: Will my silence stop you from spamming my chatbox?

Summer Pear: Nope.

Blue Dragon: Figured. But why?

Blue Dragon: I thought you're tired of talking to assholes in this site and you see me as an asshole, so why do you keep talking to me?

Summer Pear: I told you, you're a different kind of asshole. And it doesn't change the fact that you keep replying even if you don't need to.

Blue Dragon: I have nothing else to do. And you're kind of decent to talk to.

Summer Pear: No kidding.

Summer Pear: So tell me about yourself?

Blue Dragon: What do you want to know?

Summer Pear: Anything. Your favorite food? Your favorite color?

Blue Dragon: Seriously? Now this is starting to sound like a slam note.

Summer Pear: But aren't those the things people usually ask in this site?

Summer Pear: Actually, never mind that. Just tell me your name then?

Blue Dragon: Why?

Summer Pear: Because I like talking to you but I have a feeling you're still decided to uninstall this thing.

Summer Pear: That's why you have to leave me your name so I can find you on the other sites and we can talk outside this shitty app.

Blue Dragon: Hm. I see.

Summer Pear: So? Your name?

Blue Dragon: Hitsugaya

Blue Dragon: Hitsugaya Toushirou

Summer Pear: Cool!

Summer Pear: And my name's Karin

Summer Pear: Kurosaki Karin

Summer Pear: I'll be out on this site and uninstall this app now.

Summer Pear: I hope you'll find a way to do the same

Blue Dragon: Okay.

Summer Pear: See you around!

____

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Click 'hitsushirou20'.

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Click 'Follow'.

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karinchii: So not only you're a smart ass; you're also a hotshot?

hitsushirou20: Only you can say a compliment while actually throwing an insult.

karinchii: heh, nice to meet you, Toushirou.

hitsushirou20: It's a little late for that, but whatever. Nice to meet you too, Kurosaki.

[thiinka]

Hey there! I know I’m a stranger but I was recently admitted to CUI (which I heard you attend?) and I was wondering your personal opinion on it! I think it’s an awesome school but I’m not entirely sure if I want to attend, ya know? Could you offer some advice? Thank you either way!

Oh heck yeah! I’m really curious as to who you are and how you found out I go to CUI, haha.

Personally? I love this school and the time I’ve spent here, and I’ve had moments walking across campus thinking, “I’m so glad I went here,” no joke. There are several reasons for that: small size of basically everything, the faculty, the location, and the cafeteria (mostly). 

Everything is small here. You can walk across campus in 5 minutes. The classes are always under 30 students (except for precious few general classes like the freshman intro class and general physical fitness lecture) and I’ve mostly been in classes of 10 or under in my majors’ classes (Math and Graphic Design). Also kinda on the topic of rooms, the dorm rooms are cushy comparatively to other dorms. The non-quad buildings are suite-style and the quads are apartment-style, with a toilet and shower per 4 students, not a floor of students sharing a stall bathroom. Also, you don’t have those brick walls that a lot of other universities have, you can actually put thumbtacks into these walls. And there are professors in residence! I live in the Uppers Quads, where there are 3 separate families of professors with their kids, and personally? I love it. Uppers has always felt like a big ol’ family to me, especially with hall events.

The small size helps out the faculty, and all the professors I’ve had except for like... one or two have been amazing and passionate about what they’re teaching. I took a look on your profile and it looks like you like history and psychology? I’m not even in those areas and I still have personal experience/positive grapevine talk about those professors. For me, Dr. Armstrong (also highly involved with Honors goings-on) was the professor who got me to finally like history in CHST 201 after high school killed it for me, partially because Ancient Greek and Roman history is his baby. He also takes students on Getty Villa field trips at least once every semester, once to see the play that happens out there, and it’s great. Dr. Cosgrove was my professor for Intro to Psychology, and she was fantastic with a class of 4 students including me! I know about other professors (Flores, Francisco, Karges, Matthews) and that they all have excellent reputations. Word of mouth is swift here, and you *will* get recommendations on whose classes to take. It’s a bit more likely that adjuncts will provide inferior learning, but faculty who care about the students interview them, so it’s not nearly as bad as a large university.

Personally, my experience with the Mathematics and Art faculty has been so amazing. Math (Prof Melberg and Dr.s Croll, Schulteis, Taylor) and Art (Soo, Hayes, Dunham, Kruger) are all so invested in their students’ success, no matter if it’s a GE or a major-specific course. There’s also a bit of group discussion encouraged as a mix with traditional lecture at least for Math.

Additionally, I’m in the string orchestra, and while ensemble directors all have this “Music is the only thing you should be focusing on” attitude to some extent, I really love interacting with them. Also, they’re super helpful in networking with theater and church gigs if you ask (Dr. Held recommended me to one of the theater profs, Dr. Vezner, to play violin, and subsequently got pulled back for nice paying gigs several times). Not as applicable if you’re not in music, but we will have the new music and theology building open for use starting I think in Fall 2019. And even if you’re not in music, we have *so many* great performances for strings, winds, choir, *handbells*, and the mini theater productions. CUI (and our donors) really loves the arts, man. 

The location is excellent, especially if you’re from out-of-state. Irvine is literally ranked the safest city in California, and UCI with all of its amenities (the library!!) and other fun stuff (University Town Center, Woodbridge area) is right next door. You’re a stone’s throw from the beach and the mountains and theme parks and several malls (The Spectrum, South Coast Plaza, Fashion Island, The District). Some of these places are 100% close enough to walk or bike to, and I’ve done so many times. I guarantee at some point you’ll make friends with someone who has a car, or if not, there’s a shuttle service that goes out on weekends.

And finally the cafeteria. It’s comparatively better than other college cafeterias in my opinion. There’s always something you’ll want to eat; just don’t let Senior Preview Day trick you on the daily quality of the food! Also, breakfast is consistently good, since you can order eggs and omelettes how you’d like them. Meal plans work on an allotted x meals a week deal, starting on Monday, at either 19, 14, or 10, or you can appeal to have no meal plan past freshman year in case of dietary stuff. 

Some cons? If you’re not too into Jesus then the required Theology (Old Testament and New Testament) probably won’t be cool. The school *is* affiliated with LCMS Lutheranism, and I’ve had my fair share of Catholic vs Protestant joking around with professors. All Theology and some History profs are Lutheran pastors. As a very personal note for when I turned 21, the campus is a dry campus for the sake of reducing liability issues, and it’s pretty frustrating to me. If you eventually have a car, parking is free but holy crap is it hard to find a parking space sometimes!! I’m not involved in sports, but we apparently do well?? but we don’t have a football team. The bureaucracy has gotten really congested with clubs and orgs over the past 5 years I’ve been here. 

But I mean, in short? Like I said way up there, sometimes I get moments where I’m walking across campus and I think, “I love this place and I’m so glad I came here of all places.” I met my rock-solid group of close friends and my boyfriend (long story) here, I have professors who I really do consider friends (and for the end-of-the-year math dept. dinner? Almost like family! Three of them are moms!) and who are so invested in my and other students’ success, and I believe I can truly say I've grown tremendously as a person while going to CUI because of these people. 

That, uh... mini-essay kinda encapsulates my personal experience with and feelings about CUI. I definitely recommend campus visits to each college you’re accepted to if you’re undecided and able to, though. Good luck picking where you want to go, and I hope this helped you understand CUI better!

[sakuurae]

wonder years; preview

» summary: Two years passed since Taeyong made it to a celebrity status. As time flew by, so did the distance between you two, marking the relationship with each other as good as strangers. Before he left, a promise was made when you were both young, and after those two long years he came back with intentions to fulfill it.

❀ pairing: celebrity!taeyong & reader insert || childhood friends!au

❀ includes: fluff, light angst

❀ wc: 2.2k for this preview !

❀ note: This fic will be complete fluff except for some ... minor angsty parts, hahaha. I havent written something like this (a hearty fic) on this current blog, so itll be a little different and i hope the finished product will be as enjoyable for you all as it was for me : ) The final product is estimating to be 20k~ words, give or take ... hahaha.

But heres a small preview for now ! It might seem abruptly cut off but i had to do it there since the rest would reveal how the rest of the story will probably go ! Haha. I also havent written anything in a while ... so forgive me if this isnt my prime adfgfkhgl

Im also still not used to putting ‘sakuurae’ on covers hah this is a sign to go back to ‘honeytaeyong’ huh ... lmaooo

Lee Taeyong was the cynosure of attention these days—well, months to be exact. He had risen to stardom expeditiously, and even the media was barely able to keep up alongside his worldwide activities. From country to country he had partnerships and photoshoots; filmings for commercials and parties by other celebrities on the top of the unspoken hierarchy. Deeming him as a busy man was an understatement, and honestly he strongly despised it. Taeyong missed his old, placid life more often than he should, almost as if he never had a peaceful life when he was young and the thought of a calm way of living was a dream he longed for. In fact, his past was seemingly clouded by a grey haze, for he could no longer remember what the sweet taste of fast food was like or even the feeling of spare time in his hands. Rather, the world was entering his grasp as power and fame creeped into his hands, but, of course, great power and fame came little choices—and it was far too late for Taeyong to escape.

Believe it or not, you had known the rising star Taeyong longer than anyone in the showbiz world had ever. Since you were six, and you had film photos as concrete evidence. Every time you saw his face on the screen and not on your hung picture frames you felt proud, happy for your friend; however, there was another sentiment that loomed desolation upon you. Due to Taeyong’s newfound hustle and bustle lifestyle, the messages and calls he would give you became rare—almost as if you were a fan whose luck was tested for a surprise call from his or her favourite celebrity. Needless to say, that disrupted the friendship and you were unsure if Taeyong and you were still as close as before. And the term “close” to describe your old friendship was too subtle.

Recalling the way you met Taeyong was easy, especially since the encounter was unforgettable. During recess when you were six years old you were on the field picking at dandelions to take home, in the distance you heard a boy yell incomprehensible words towards you. Once you looked up, a soccer ball went straight at your face, knocking you over to the grass. As ugly sobs spilled, a teacher accompanied you to the nurse’s office who only gave you a frozen bag of ice and the two empty words of “It’s okay.” The bump that formed on your head was sticking out protrudently so that the slightest touch made you wince in pain. Thinking about the rude boy at the time, you were furious, telling yourself you will never forgive him. But those silent swears were kept to yourself once the same young child that accidentally kicked the soccer ball to your face sneaked into the nurse’s office to release a string of apologies. Tears were prickling at his eyes as if he was the one who got physically hurt and not you, sniffles were not enough to prevent the upcoming sobs, and he was a nervous wreck. You glared at him in annoyance, aching to push him out of the office—maybe even punch—but before you committed to any actions he mumbled, “I’m really sorry.”

Those three words caught your attention; they were more genuine than the nurse who told you your injury was not as bad as you believed, as a result you stared at the flustered kid who kept on saying sorry. Each time you remained silent, tension thickened in the room. Silence ensued as you remained angry, and caused the boy to spit out, “Can I make this up to you somehow?”

Puffing your cheeks out, you declined and left the nurse’s office to sit in the front. That day you thought it was the last you would ever see Taeyong, but the next day he came into your class before lunch break with a can of soda in hand and another apology. Taeyong trailed you for a couple of minutes once lunch started; he took a seat next to you and offered you some carrots as if the item was a token of forgiveness, and you smiled at his gesture. That day you forgave him, and a friendship had formed. Instead of lingering around his friends, Taeyong spent time lingering by you around the slides of the play structure daily. That continued for a long while until junior high, where you would sit at the same table and chat the respite away childish drama.

You used to patronize his home when you were still young, accepting the love and affection from his family as if you were one of their own from day one, and he committed to the same—given the rare times your parents were both home. Since elementary to junior high, all throughout high school, you and Taeyong attended the same school and spent practically everyday pestering one another for fun. After racing to the nearby park where the loser would have to purchase an icy treat, the two of you always sat down on neighboring slides in the play structure and informed each other about the boring day. The closeness was perceptible to everyone: students, teachers, and strangers. Many assumed the guy named Taeyong was your boyfriend, and subsequently raw shock was their reaction when you both denied the claims.

The thought of you dating Taeyong never crossed your mind until he started to drift away from you after high school graduation. There had to be something more than those races and hang outs that were able to be passed off as dates. Half a day was spent next to him typically, which made the week incomplete if failed to do so. You spent an incredible amount of time by his side, and you wondered why Taeyong and you never became an official item. Of course there was something more than a friendship—even if it was never spoken of, an attraction was active. But nothing changed. Often, you wondered if there was such thing as being too close to the point dating was out of the spectrum?

With his burst of fame, gone were the days of you and Taeyong constantly visiting each other’s houses and eating meals together as a complete family, sneaking into his bedroom through his window to finish one new series on Netflix, and subsequently crawling out through the artful entrance to spend the night out in the town. Once Taeyong was able to drive the nights became longer, and rather than freezing in the cold, situated on the park swings struggling to stutter words through the gelid air, you and Taeyong rested in the back seat of his vehicle and talked about all the stupid things in life. Annoying teachers, petulant drama, and words that reflected a broken heart poured from the lips and strengthened the bond. And sometimes when life became too much, a silence by him was all you needed.

Whenever you gawked at Taeyong at three in the morning, tired eyes fighting to remain open, you recalled how he used to be: physically and mentally. The boy who used to have black hair longer than most, a frown etched on his face to convince the universe he was tough, and an array of flannels had transformed into a man that flaunted an extended quiff and a sparkling smile by senior year. Of course you were not the only being who noticed the distinct change; that was how he was scouted to become the successful man he was today.

The night Taeyong told you he had a couple of auditions for minor roles in movies surprised you; in fact, you never suspected such a day would come so soon. You see, Taeyong was always partaking in theatre activities on-campus and off-campus. He earned thespian awards since he began acting extremely merituous, and soon his name was featured on articles and local news. He was the best of the best, and everyone knew. So once he booked a flight out of the country to fulfill his dream, not many were surprised.

However, before Taeyong had left to fulfill his dreams, he made a promise to you: to be able to make you the happiest in the future. It wasn’t like he pledged to marry you in the future or take your hand accompanied by all the love he could spill; he wanted you to be happy alongside him as friends because life at the time was rough. Stress arrived like no other due to testing and college applications. The struggle to maintain nonpareil grades became a competition—the factor that determined the winner of a four year battle to gain valedictorian. Not only, but you and Taeyong were active participants in on-campus and off-campus theatre. Needless to say, you were both incredibly busy—and as all the stress from family and school accumulated, and so much more, the light that was joy had dissipated throughout the years. With parents kept entirely busy committing to their own service, you never had time to see them, which resulted in the element of trust falling short to speak to them about your issues. Taeyong was the only friend you trusted entirely—your heart and mind craved to vent to him whenever something went wrong—and he felt your pain the more you cried out to him in the middle of the night.

To the insane degree that Taeyong cared for you, everything was given to why he promised to make you happy.

His journey to fame was a long process sprawled throughout two years; nonetheless, Taeyong’s name was finally circulating the world like wildfire. Media wanted to feed off his fresh talents and looks, and other celebrities obtained an interest in the dashing man. Event after event, Taeyong was the name that hopped off everyone’s tongue. Acting modernly in prominence, he became closer to fans and created bonds with strangers, and despite Taeyong becoming closer to the whole entire world, the distance was growing rapidly between you two.

⭒ ⭒

The morning was busier than normal at the corner coffee shop you worked at—especially for a Tuesday morning. Most customers tended to be among the range of adults to elderly, but on this specific day there seemed to be clusters of young teenagers, each ordering the most aesthetic drinks from the menu. There was definitely going to be a boost in sales thanks to the younger group, so there had to be a reason for their spontaneous visit. The shop was extremely packed to the point you had no room to think of extra thoughts like those; all you were able to do was focus on drinks. Since the shop is on the compact side and cozier than most, gossip was simple to overhear.

“Did you see him yet?” said an excited girl who was balancing herself on her tiptoes.

Her friend seemed to shake her head, replying, “No, are you sure the tweet was true?”

“It had to be,” said another girl who was a stranger to the two. “It’s from an official news source.”

“Then where is he?” mumbled someone else.

Holding the tea shaker in hand, you stared at the cluster of curious girls, wondering who and what exactly they were referring to. A bump came to your hips from a fellow co-worker who wanted to snap you back to work, your trail of thought ended. “Focus, (y/n),” he ordered.

“Sorry, Ten,” you muttered, continuing to align the cup for the proper order. “Focusing is hard when there’s a bunch of loud customers.”

Ten laughed in agreement. “Apparently it’s because some celebrity is in town.”

“Did you read that from the tweet as well?” you jested, pouring the iced tea into the clear cup.

“Maybe.” He grinned while topping off his order with whipped cream. “I don’t even know what celebrity would have any business here. This town’s tiny, dingy, and quiet. The person’s changing everything.”

Chuckling, you capped the tea and went to the opposite end of the counter. “Kick the person out your town, Ten.” Reading the side of the cup, you read the black marker aloud, “Two large passion fruit iced teas for Johnny!”

The customer approached the counter and grabbed the drinks and grinned at you before reaching onto two straws. Before you were able to offer him a cup holder, he answered a call on his bluetooth and continued onto his day. “Hello, Tae?” said Johnny, who was clad in a casual outfit consisting of a white shirt tucked into black jeans. “Where are you?”

You stared at the man for a short while, the name that left his mouth lingering in your mind. “Tae,” you whispered. “God, the name reminds me of Taeyong.”

“Everything reminds you of Taeyong,” Ten poked fun, raising an eyebrow in a suggestive manner. “You sure the two of you weren’t some item or anything?”

Annoyed, you scoffed and brushed him aside to continue your busy morning at work. “Very funny.”

“Thanks.” Ten smiled. “My second job should probably be a stand-up comedian.”

[golddaggers]

pick me, choose me, love me

*requested

pairings: stiles stilinski x reader;

a/n: so, this was requested and I loved writing this. might have been way too inspired me. not that it matters. haha anyway, I hope you like this!

word count: 2,3k+

It is funny, now that I come to think about, how our perspectives of love change when we get old enough to understand the way life works. As kids, we often imagine that we’ll soon find “the one”, that we’ll both fall in love with each other right away and live happily ever after. Perhaps it’s because the novels, the movies… They only show the pretty side of it. They don’t tell you how much it hurts when we have a broken heart. How you feel so empty and hopeless. And how it takes almost forever to get over it. Above all, we are never expecting to be rejected.

I was never the naive kind of girl; maybe because I watched my parents splitting up at a tender age and their nonstop fighting. Probably why I used to think that love was a big fat lie; I couldn’t get myself to believe such thing existed, but then I met him. Stiles Stilinski. Also known as my neighbour. It happened a few months ago, when my mother broke the news we would be moving again. Due to her job, I lived in a whole bunch of cities throughout my childhood, so I was sort of used to it. Okay, back to the story. We made a quick trip to get some informations, my school application done and everything. It was a rather fun day. At the end, we went to our new house; it was the first time I saw him.

Stiles looked so cute that late afternoon; his hair was tousled, clothes wrinkled, it seemed obvious to me that he was worried about something. Then, as if he knew I was staring, his brown eyes glared at me, an eyebrow cocked, a puzzled trait scrunching his face. I waved shyly and he smiled at me, waving back. I never believed in love at first sight, or love at all, but I won't deny I felt nervous under that small gesture.

Days later, when I was already settled in, he swung by my place to introduce himself and offer a recently baked pie. A welcome treat. I remember I was so excited I even asked him to come inside, eat a slice with me. I was never this excited about someone previously. Stilinski quickly accepted my proposal, joining me at the small kitchen table. We talked like crazy that day; I found out he liked Star Wars just as much as I did and that he wasn't scared nor felt threatened by my witty remarks. Rather, he responded to them quite at the same level. I unconsciously knew I wanted him in my life; it was weird, sure, yet it appeared right to me.

More time passed.

In the meanwhile, the both of us became inseparable friends, always laughing, talking… We shared a strong connection. Like I had never had with anyone else before. Plus, Stiles was probably the only one who managed to get me out of my shell and for that I was incredibly thankful. Growing up with no siblings whilst travelling all the time, I never bonded with anyone, so I was very scared when he asked if I wanted to meet his friends as well. Nonetheless, it all faded away fastly. Scott and Liam were perfect gentlemen to me, squeezing me in tight hugs whenever we bumped into each other. The girls (Malia, Kira and Allison) also were happy for me to be joining their group. According to them, the gorgeous brown haired man had been through a lot and my presence had really lightened up his mood.

I recall being struck with a fuzzy feeling upon knowing that, because he had made me feel better about myself too. And, coming from a person who barely had relationships with other people, it was huge thing.

This being said, it wasn’t a surprise that we started dating a little while after. Stiles was so adorable asking me if he could take me on a real date that I wasn’t able to say no. I wouldn’t even if I could. Perhaps it was when I finally realised I didn’t see him as a big brother any longer; to be honest, I don’t know if I ever did.

However, as it must be obvious by now, there was one important detail Stiles failed to let me know: he had a girlfriend. Well, technically they weren’t together: about six months ago, Lydia Martin, it was the girlfriend’s name, travelled to another country in an exchange program and, or so Allison told me, she and the brown haired boy decided it was best if they broke things off while she was gone. Alli told me he was left utterly heartbroken, because Stilinski had been love with her ever since he was a little boy. She was, apparently, the love of his life.  

There is something about being in love with someone the novels never tell, one day they will break your heart. No matter how long it takes, someday it will happen. I just never thought it would hurt so much. To hear that Stiles loved someone that wasn’t me… It shattered my heart. I wanted him to love me, to be with me! Not some girl who ditched him. Nevertheless, this wasn’t my choice to make and I definitely didn’t want to be between such a complicated relationship, which was why I firmly told him that I was out of whatever we had. I couldn’t stand being the second one. Not when I knew the extension of his love towards her.

The honey eyed boy tried to argue, to say something, but I could see clearly that he wasn’t sure about who to pick. Thus I convinced myself I was right on ending everything. I stormed out of his place and we haven’t spoke in almost two weeks. The first couple of days Stiles tried calling, texting, yet, I was so stubborn that, despite the ache I was in, I refused to answer. Now, on the other hand, I appeared to have lost all my dignity, because I was standing outside his home, fingers toying with steering wheel.

Last night I stayed up late thinking about how I didn’t want be the kind of person who doesn’t fight for what they want. I loved him. More than I thought could love someone. And I knew he loved me too, even if it wasn’t as much as he loved Lydia. Nonetheless, I needed to try. I couldn’t live in the ‘what if’ section. It would drive me nuts.

Taking a deep breath, I finally gathered enough courage to walk out of my car and head to his home. The darkness made it easier to see the lights on in the living room, meaning that he was there indeed; once standing in front of his door, I gave two weak knocks, my hands getting sweaty with anticipation. While I waited, my mind wandered on how weird it was that I was no nervous around the person that used to make me feel at such ease previously.

“Dad, did you forget your keys again?” Stilinski mumbled in a semi laugh afore his traits got soaked in shock. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“I-I came to talk, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He pulled away, opening a brief space for me to get inside. “Come in, please.”

I walked inside quietly, glaring at the carpeted ground as if it would help me feel less anxious. It didn't. My heart still pounded harshly against my ribcage and I could feel the sweat dripping down my back. This conversation clearly would be easy; I could sense the tension coming from him. I sort of understood, though, because the last time we talked, I was smooth or polite. Oh boy.

Stiles shut the door closed and we went to his living room together, in an overwhelming silence he didn’t bother to break. Once both of us were comfortably sat in the couch, at a considerable distance, I must say, I finally gathered enough courage to look at him. My ex-boyfriend hadn’t changed much, but, once you get to know someone so deeply as I knew him, you sort of notice the small details about their actions. For example, he was anxiously tugging at the hem of his shirt, leg shaking… The brown haired boy never learnt how to disguise his emotions. I smiled weakly at the thought.

“What do you want from me?” He finally questioned, eyes pierced on mine. “I honestly-”

“Shut up.” I blurted out, straightening out my position. “I’m going to talk now and I don’t want to be interrupted, are we clear?”

“Do I have another choice?”

“No.”

“Alright then. Be my guest.”

“So… I know I said I didn’t want to be in a complicated relationship and that I didn’t want to split you and your soulmate apart. Allison told me your whole story… I felt so bad, you know? To get in between that. But, shit, I can’t lie to myself. I can’t pretend that I don’t love you, because I do. So much. These days we spent apart only made me realise I don’t want to give you up. Not ever.” Taking a deep breath, I placed my palm on his knee, our eyes connected in an intense gaze. “So pick me, choose me, love me!”

“Y/N… I wish I could give you a solid answer, but I-I…”

“Look, Stiles, I don’t want to pressure you or anything, I came here just to let you know it isn’t over for me. What we had… I never had it with anyone before and I’m not willing to let it go without fighting.” The honey eyed man sighed and glared at me, resting his warm hand above mine. “Tell me you’ll think about it before deciding to get back with her.”

“God I have thought about it. Ever since the day I watched you leave, I have been going crazy about this; Pondering wether I should choose the one I loved my entire life or the one who helped me glue my pieces together and showed me you can love someone out the blue. I love you and her deeply, which is why I don’t know.”

“The question is: who do you love the most?”

Before I stood up, I leant in to plant a kiss on his cheek and, without giving him a chance to reply, I disappeared through his front door, more hopeful than I was when I parked outside.

A week had gone by since I last saw him. It was weird how much I was expecting to hear an answer; every time my phone buzzed, I hoped it was him calling or sending me a text. Yet, Stiles had not contacted me, which caused me to think that he probably chose her instead of me. Hell I cried. Every single night I hid my face against the pillows to muffle my sobs so my mother wouldn’t worry.

Being in love with him had ruined me in ways I couldn’t describe perfectly. Nonetheless, I also couldn’t stop my life out of it, therefore I decided to focus on school, which was why I was currently sitting in my living room’s couch with a laptop resting on my crossed legs. I had a literature essay due tomorrow but I hadn’t had any luck so far.

Sighing, I opted to go to the kitchen and make myself some coffee, it would perhaps help me to focus more. However, afore I could even get there, I heard the bell ringing, announcing the arrival of someone.

“Who is it?” I shouted, swiftly changing my course’s route.  “Huh?”

“It’s me, Y/N, Stiles.”

“Wait a minute, I'm coming!”

The mole speckled boy was standing in front of my door looking cute as ever: he had his hair all dishevelled, his clothes were a bit torn and his breathing was a bit ragged. If I didn’t know any better I’d say Stiles had run to my place.  

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.” Stilinski nodded. “I just needed to talk to you.”

“Okay.” A smirk pulled up my lips. “Come inside, I was about to make some coffee. Would you like a cup?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He smiled and, after I sealed the door, we went to kitchen, where I started prepping the bitter liquid I liked so much. Stiles simply stood close to me, supporting his elbow on the marble countertop. A couple minutes later, I handed him one white mug whilst sipping at mine, the bitterness comfortable on my tongue.

“What do own the honour of your presence?”

“I finally decided.” The boy whispered, his honey orbs liquid when they met mine. “I know the answer to your question.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah…” Placing the cup inside the sink, he caged me against it, hands cupping my cheeks. “It's you.”

Not giving a second thought on what I was about to do, I shortened the space between us and smashed my lips against his, absorbing the recent coffee taste impregnated on his mouth. Boy I had missed this. The way his pink lips pressed softly on mine or how his hands wandered to my hips, thumbs massaging the region. I missed him altogether.

Awhile later, we were forced to break the kiss for we still needed to breathe. Stiles glued our foreheads, his upturned nose poking mine slightly, eliciting a low giggle to fall from my lips.

“I'll always choose you, Y/N.”

“Don't make promises that are hard to keep, Mr. Stilinski.”

“No, but I mean it.” His palm went back up to my face, digits brushing the tender flesh. “I love you more than I had imagined I did. And I'm sorry it took so long for me to realise that.”

“Well, baby, I love you too.” Smiling, I pecked his lips again. “I’m glad you realised it in time.”

“Now can we make up for the time lost upstairs? Preferably in your bedroom? In your bed? Or the floor if you're into it. Or-”

“Stiles!” My eyes were widened as I laughed.

“What? Don't tell me you weren't thinking of it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure.”

Grasping my wrist, he led me upstairs and, with each step we took, I couldn't help but feel whole again.

[rarestnicole]

As usual, magulo. So what. 😂

"First love never dies."

Oh.

This is scary. Yep, for me, it is. Like wth? Paano pala kapag hindi naman ako gusto ng first love ko? I'll be damned forever. I'll probably be driving the Chariot of Damnation because it suits me best. Nge? This is why I'm so scared to be defeated by love.

Ah, yes. Feeling ko kalaban ko ang romantic na pag-ibig. Kapag nagpatalo ako, then I'm doomed. I know myself, kahit papaano. Gusto ko pa nga lang ang tao, sobra-sobra na ang feels ko for him eh. Paano pa kaya kapag na-in love talaga ako? Ng tuluyan? Mom won't be able to save me from that, I'm sure. No one, not even my books.

Ayaw kong ako lang mag-isa. I'm tired of being left alone. I'm already scarred. Ayaw ko lang dagdagan. If I like someone and he doesn't have any feelings for me, what do I do? How do I stop? How long? Until when am I going to think of just him every day? How long am I going to think of a way to make him like me when I view myself as someone who's only flawed and scarred and crazy.

He won't even like me. He has a lot of women around him who's not insane, they could attract him easily. Ako, I know that my face is attractive for boys, but for me, I don't find my physique special. Tss.

I don't get boys who like me because "maganda" daw. That's so shallow, I doubt that it'll last. Maybe that's reason why I don't like a person just because of his appearance. That's petty, for me ha. Ugali ang mas mahalaga sa akin. How one handles a person as complicated as me. How one will hug my world and not let go even when it's too spiky, even when I'm full of thorns though I'm not even a rose. Maganda lang naman matusok ng thorns ng rose kasi it's worth it, kasi maganda ang rose. I'm no rose, baka makahiya pa nga ako eh. Hahaha. Tumitiklop agad.

Noon, I get scared kapag gusto na ako ng taong gusto ko, because I feel responsible. But I want to own my time, hindi 'yong I have to tell one everything that I'm doing. Kaya siguro wala akong naging boyfriend noon. Kahit gusto ko pa ang tao, walang saysay kapag natakot na ako sa kanya just because he likes me. Minsan naman, parang bakla ang crush ko, may naaalala akong 2 or 3 na ganun. Minsan, nasa book sila, like duh! How are they going to be my boyfriend? And besides, asawa ko na sila agad. Hahahaha. Minsan, idols sila that doesn't even know me. Most of the time, it's music that makes my heart beat erratically. None of the persons I like made me feel the way a good melody can.

Ngayon, I'm scared kasi hindi naman ako gusto ng taong gusto ko. The tables have turned, ladies and gentlemen. I want to talk about every thing now. Mostly, nonsense things kasi wala naman akong masiyadong ginagawa sa buhay ko. Ang maikukwento ko lang ay kung paano ako natusok ng dulo ng earrings ko, kung gaano ko kabilis tinanggal mula sa pagkakatusok, at kung anu-ano ang nilagay ko sa pang-spray ko sa langaw at ipis sa bahay. I have a tendency to tell that kind of stories because that's what happened to my day. I can't tell them about the changes in the stock market ng Pinas at kung anong tingin ko sa bagyo, kung tatagal ba o hindi. Kasi naman, I don't want to complicate my life, minsan lang. Mas sasabihin ko pa sa tao na nilagyan ko ng Bactidol, Zonrox, toothpaste, dishwashing liquid at shampoo at conditioner ang pinagspi-spray ko sa insects sa bahay. That's how nuts I am. Dagdagan ko pa kaya ng suka at patis, para dead on the spot ang mga insects? I hate insects na iniistorbo ako or 'yong nagdadala ng mga kung anu-anong kadiri sa bahay o sa gamit LALO NA 'YONG NANGANGAGAT. 'Yan. Iyan ang mga ikukwento ko. Si Mommy, natitiis niya ang mga ganyang kwento ko, I salute her for understanding me. Haha. I love my Mom. But will someone accept me just like she does? She puts up with me. I rant a lot, but I'm told that I'm sweet. Edi work. 😂 I curse, yeah. I know it's bad pero kasi sometimes, I can't stop it lalo na kapag nasaktan ako or nasanay lang ako sa nabasa ko or I show my emotions din thru that? Damn that cooking oil na walanghiyang tinalsikan ang eyelid ko. That hurt! Tss. Pero I know naman when and where to cuss. Minsan, slip of the tongue lang talaga. Hehe. Siguro kaya na rin sinusulat o tina-type ko ang mga thoughts ko sa blog ko kasi alam ko na kahit wala akong kausap, okay lang. Walang magsasabi na ayaw nila ang mga sinasabi ko, na ayaw nila ang topic ko kasi wala naman na silang magagawa because it was already typed. I get to tell about my day without being ridiculed kasi wala naman silang magagawa, no one even sees it. That's why I'm confident.

So, first love never dies, huh?

I can't risk my heart kasi nakakatakot talagang masaktan. Ang sakit sakit kaya. Naalala ko, something happened, maybe my first heartbreak that was caused by someone I like. It was a Sunday but I can't stop weeping like a baby even when I have classes the next day. My best friends saw my puffy eyes and sabi ko, mamaya ko na ikukwento kasi nga iiyak lang ako ulit, I can't cry again right before my classes start. That's embarrassing, tatanungin pa ako ng teacher ko and everyone else would be curious. Hay nako. But my friends insisted. Hay, stubborn girls. So I said some details and as expected, I wept... while laughing. Yeah. Crazy, right? I wanted to stop my tears through my laughters but my tear sac is just as stubborn as my best friends, it insisted on producing more tears. Na-disappoint ko ang sarili ko, sa totoo lang. I was again slapped by reality; 'You lack, Anne Nicole. They won't stay for you like how your Dad didn't, your grandma also left you, your biological mother chose to be unfaithful after having you, your father and your siblings. You are not an enough reason to stay.'

Okay. Fine.

No, it isn't fine.

I wanted to die to avoid the searing pain that's consuming me. My hang ups in life are like dominoes. I'll try hard to make every piece stand and I fuck up once, then all of them will collapse right in my freaking eyes one by one and it's just as painful as the first time, lalo na ngayong nadagdagan. I liked my anemia, sa totoo lang. I have a high chance of dying because of a disease. That's far from suicide and I will never commit a suicide, magtatampo si Lord sa akin and that will insult Him. "How dare you take your life?" That's why I didn't. I am not just good at handling too much pain. Pain haywires my mind and makes me harsh... on myself. I'm to blame, wala ng iba. I can't blame, why should I freaking blame anyone when it's my fault?

I want to lose. That's it. I wanted to lose so bad but every time that I'm about to, one reminds me my reasons and fears of losing. Ayaw ko sa lahat ang pinaparamdam sa akin that they don't like me. It feels awful, alright. Fine. Ayaw ko ring pinaparamdam sa akin na parang ayaw akong kausapin. Edi huwag. I'm too sensitive yata. I'm not sure. But if someone matters to me so much, everything they say matters too. Pain transforms me too. Every. Single. Time. How? Hmm, I've been told that I'm "suplada".

Indeed, I am. Sabi nila, defense mechanism daw ng babae ang pagsusuplada. Hmm, totoo kaya? Hahaha. Siguro. But they haven't seen me so mad. Bilib nga ako sa classmate ko eh, crush niya pa rin ako kahit sinusupladahan ko siya. Aba! Kung sagut-sagutin niya kasi ako, parang ako pa ang nagsasabi ng mas nonsense sa aming dalawa. He always irritate us kasi kung anu-ano ang sinasabi. Eh I can't let it pass kapag sobra na. Hey, lumaki ako sa mga pinakasupladang taong nakilala ko. Saan pa ba ako matututo? And maybe, it's in my blood. I don't like my blood that much, mind you. Haha.

The Gomez that I grew up with are so, so, so "mala" kapag nag-tantrums na. My god, I almost can't handle them. Pero mababait naman sila, kapag nag-tantrums lang, my god of patience, be with me in the dramatic long run of this tantrum. Lalo na si Lola, naku, puputok ang ugat ko sa inis.

Ewan ko ba. Mahal ko naman sila.

By the way, when will I finally give in?

Hm, ako ba mismo ang makakaranas ng 'First love never dies,' na 'yan?

Am I going to live to tell the tale?

Am I gonna tell it happily or with a bittersweet smile plastered on my face?

I dunno.

I prayed to God. Ang sabi ko, "Lord, sana naman po kapag na-in love ako, sa itinadhana mo po talaga. Ayaw ko na pong masaktan. Gusto ko po isa lang ang maging boyfriend ko tapos siya lang din ang magiging asawa ko. I swear I'll be a good girl po."

I always pray to him about that. Kaya tiwala ako sa feelings ko eh. Kasi I know that the Lord is guiding me to the right person. Lord, sana naman po 'yong first love ko na po ang makatuluyan ko. Kasi po kapag hindi, hindi na ako magkakagusto sa iba. Baka mag-serve na lang po ako sa iyo, tutal nakalagay naman 'yon sa NCAE results ko. Hahaha.

Hala, Lord. Baka naman po sadyain niyong hindi meant to be sa akin ang first love ko para mag-serve ako sa'yo as a nun ha. Lord, I'm telling you po, kapag nagkaroon po ako ng relationship, I'll give it up to you. I'll make you the center of our love. Ganun. Wala ka pong lugi, I swear.

Ayan po, kapag iji-jinx mo po ang first love ko for my service, hindi mo na po itutuloy kasi expected ko na. Hindi na applicable ang 'Expect the unexpected,' kasi na-expect ko na nga.

And because lumalayo na naman ako sa dapat ay topic ko and tinatamad na akong mag-isip para mabalik sa topic, isa-stop ko na lang. Hahaha.

I love you, Lord. Please bless us po always.

[reddieaddict]

You’re Gonna Live Forever In Me (Part 2/4)

Prequel to Richie’s Eulogy

Official Cast

Part 1

A/N: Okay so, in this fic, Richie Is of hispanic and latin descent, speaks spanish fluently, and his full name is Ricardo Alonzo “Richie” Tozier. Why? Because I think the cast needs more cultural diversity and because I wrote this shit so I can do whatever the fuck I want. Haha. I hope you guys enjoy!

Oh and his parents names are Margarita “Maggie” Tozier and Rogelio Alonzo Tozier. OMG this is so extra hahaha.

Sorry if this is shit. I am aware the pacing is weird. I am an amateur writer, so like cut me some mf slack, bruh. 

Summary: It’s senior year and Eddie has began to notice Richie exhibiting strange behavior. He is worried he might be hiding something, but doesn’t know how to confront Richie about it without setting him off and making matters worse.

September 1994 

“EDDIE-BEAR!” Sonia Kaspbrak’s shrill whine pierced through the morning calm. “Can you come down here, please?” It was phrased as a question, but only masochist would take it as anything other than an order.

“Shiiit! What the fuck is she doing up so early?!” Eddie whispered-yelled as he shot up from comfort of his twin-sized bed and the warmth of Richie’s embrace.

“I don’t know, but can you fucking answer her before she decides to barge in here!?” Richie’s words were filled with panic, coordinating with the look he directed at his boyfriend. 

“COMING, MA! BE RIGHT DOWN!” The two teenagers would much rather face Pennywise all over again, than endure the shit storm that would ensue if Eddie’s mother caught Richie in his room. Usually Richie would have snuck out through Eddie’s window before Sonia woke up, but she threw their morning routine completely out of whack. “There is no point in sneaking out now, she’ll definitely see you through the kitchen window. Just stay here, be as quiet as you can, and if you hear her coming up the stairs, hide in the closet! I’ll be right back. . . hopefully.”

Richie nodded in agreement as Eddie made his way out of the bedroom, still far too groggy to be dealing with shit. “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Whatever, just hurry back!”

“Okay, I’ll try!” With that, Eddie closed the door behind him and made his way downstairs. His mind reverted to it’s pessimistic default, racing through the possible reasons why his mother would feel the need to speak to him. It was clear by her tone, this was not going to be a pleasant conversation. With each step he took, he braced himself mentally for what was surely bound to become a full blown argument. Once he finally arrived at the kitchen, where his mother stood leaning against the counter, her narrowed eyes and furrowed brow validated and exacerbated his fears. “Yes, Mommy?”

“Edward, would you care to explain what this is?” A bundle of papers were clenched in Sonia’s chubby claw, as she held it up beside her face. The second Eddie’s deep amber eyes glanced at them, he recognized them as his application for NYU. What perplexed him was how she managed to get ahold of it, being that it was hidden in his desk draw, just last night. Well, he wasn’t really perplexed, as it was pretty apparent that she had rummaged through his room and stumbled across it. He had always suspected she went through his things, but he always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Obviously, THAT was a mistake. Her betrayal upset him none the less, which at this point, was stupid since this was typical behavior for his invasive mother. “You already know what it is, Ma! Why would you go through my things?!” 

“Don’t change the subject! I am your mother and this is MY house; if I feel like inspecting your room then I have every right to do so!” she argued, showing absolutely no remorse for her actions. If anything, she was proud. “What business do you have with this? We agreed you would attend a community college, so you could continue living home. A boy needs his mother, especially a boy as frail as you! New York is too far and too dangerous for such a delicate person, Eddie-Bear.” 

“I didn’t agree to anything!” Eddie’s entire face lit up in neon frustration. “You basically commanded I apply at a community college, and you and I both know its just to keep me firmly under your thumb! I am not weak or fragile, like you’d like me to believe. I don’t want to settle for a community college! I want to live my own life! I need to be my own person, separate from you, Ma!” Eddie was certain that at this point Richie could hear their entire argument from Eddie’s room, but in his current emotional state, he couldn’t give less of a shit about the dynamics of his words. 

“DO NOT speak to me in that tone! You and I are NOT equals and I wont stand for this type of insubordination! This type of behavior is clearly a result of you hanging around those delinquents you call friends. They are filling your head with all these crazy ideas! I KNEW this would happen if you kept associating yourself with those disgusting people, especially that filthy Tozier boy! He’s corrupting you!” Eddie flinched at the mentions of his boyfriend’s name. Sonia’s eyes began to well up with crocodile tears, as she geared up for her performance. “How could you even entertain the idea of leaving me, Eddie?! I have given you everything and this is how you repay me? How can you do this to me? I love you, Eddie-Bear, does that mean nothing to you?!” 

Eddie knew every step and every lyric of this song and dance by heart. His mother had always been a conniving, manipulative woman; and in Eddie’s youth, he might have fallen for her tactics, but now he refused to be so easily controlled. He loved his mother and if her tears were genuine he could have reacted differently, but he was fed up and Sonia dragging Richie into this only fueled the fire within him. “Do you really believe I am so incapable of having my own thoughts and dreams? This has nothing to do with Richie or any of my friends! It ME! Its what I want; and it’s not fair for you to speak of them in that manner! I love you, Ma, but you need to let me be. Whether you like it or not, I am going to apply and potentially attend any university I please, I going to keep hanging out with my friends, and I am going to keep seeing Richie, MY BOYFRIEND! I love him, Ma! Nothing you say and no amount of fake tears is going to change that!” 

“There you go using that word, again! ‘Love!’ Eddie, lets not get into this again. You don’t love him. You can’t. You’re just confused, is all.” Sonia was aware of her son’s sexuality and relationship, but refused to accept, or even acknowledge it. “Eddie-Bear! I love you. MY love for you is real, not like the perverted friendship between you and that disgusting faggot. We can get you the help you need, like we talked about; and maybe when you’re better you can meet a nice girl and forget all about him.” 

Tears began to collect in Eddie’s waterline, threatening to run at any moment, but he willed them to stop. He REFUSED to give his mother the satisfaction of seeing him cry! He was just so exhausted. It was the same argument, again and again. The same shit being thrown at him! Why can’t she just love him as he is? Why does she have to be so cruel? He knew those questions were destined to remain unanswered. He needed to get away before his disappointment and heartache decided to rebel and stream down his crimson cheeks. “Mommy, I-I-I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired. I have to get ready for school. I love you and um. . . I-I-I hope you have a nice day at work.” Crestfallen, his voice came almost a whisper.

“Very well, but don’t think this is over! I am only letting this go because I’m running late for work, but you can expect to continue this conversation once I get home.” Eddie didn’t care anymore, he just wanted this to end. He just wanted to get back to Richie. “Yes, Mommy.” 

Eddie turned to head upstairs, but before he could take his first step his mother decided to add insult to injury. “Aren’t you forgetting something, Eddie-Bear?” She leaned forward, expectantly. Reaching up on his tiptoes, Eddie placed the most abrupt kiss possible onto her cheek. Disgusted with his actions, he ran upstairs, allowing his tears to finally flood down his face, knowing he was safe and out of her sight. 

He stormed into his room, slammed and locked the door, and silently waited until he heard the front door open and shut, a sonic indicator of his mother’s departure. Once he was certain she had left for work, he turned to face Richie, relieved it was finally safe for them to speak and move about his home freely. He expected to be immediately draped in Richie’s consoling embrace, but was surprised to find him sitting at the edge of his bed with an unreadable, stoic expression plastered on his face. 

“I’m sorry you had to listen to that. My mom is just so infuriating!” Eddie mumbled in between sniffles, but got no response from his boyfriend. “Richie, are you okay?” Nothing. Worried, Eddie walked over and kneeled himself in front of Richie’s frozen physique. “Baby, whats wrong? Was it what my mom said?” 

Richie’s gaze remained forward, oblivious to Eddie’s presence. His eyes seemed to be unfocused and glazed over, seeing right through his boyfriend. His rosebud lips were pursed into a thin line, while his face showed subtle but evident signs of tension. It was as though his body was there, but Richie was lost somewhere within it. He seemed trapped in some distant thought, disassociated and unaware of the real world, and not too dissimilar to how the losers had found Beverly in the sewers all those summers ago, only without the milky eyes. Not wanting to think about such a horrible memory any further, he shook off the thought and continued to try reaching Richie. “Rich, this isn’t funny! What’s wrong?! Why won’t you answer me!? Are you mad at me?” With each unanswered question, panic began to further burrow itself into Eddie’s thoughts. Why wasn’t Richie saying anything? What the fuck was going on? “Stop doing this, asshole! I am getting scared! Wake the fuck up!” Still no response, just the same blank expression taunting him. In an act of desperation, he latched on to Richie’s shoulders and proceeded to shake him. His eyes became iridescent as the sunbeams that leaked through the blinds illuminated the tears that formed around them. “Richie, I don’t know what do. I can’t-I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you need! Just tell me what to do, baby! Let me in!!” Still, there was nothing. Eddie was bawling uncontrollably, imploring him to come back to him. 

 Taking inspiration from Ben and Bev, he gently, but firmly placed his hands on each side of Richie’s face and willed their lips to collide, hoping a kiss would have the same effect on him as it had on her. Upon impact, Eddie felt him gasp beneath his kiss. He pulled away, only to see Richie’s eyes had widened in shock, his shoulders had risen tensely, and his fist were balled up on his lap, clenching onto the plush fabric of his pajamas. They sat there, exchanging confused looks, each waiting for the other to break the tension. 

“Eddie!” A wide, cheerful smile began to replace the bewildered shock that clothed his face, as he gleefully leaned forward to kiss Eddie once more. “Hey, Eddie Spaghetti! Um. . . We should get ready for school, yeah? If we don’t leave soon, we’re gonna be late and we both know how much you hate being tardy!” He shot up and walked over to the spare drawer Eddie kept for him and began to get dressed, leaving Eddie kneeling in a pool of disorientation. What the hell is going on? 

“NO! I know what you’re doing! Don’t try to play it off like nothing happened! What the fuck was that!?” 

“Uh, I don’t know. I guess I was just tired. It’s not like I got a lot of sleep last night with all the sexy-fun-time we had last night, not that I am complaining, baby boy.” Richie winked smugly, a blatant attempt to deescalate the situation. 

“You-You were catatonic! I kept calling your name, but you wouldn’t answer me! I shook you! It was like you were somewhere else! Like Bev had been. . . “ Eddie lifted himself from the floor and sat himself on the edge of his bed, in the same spot Richie had been moments ago. His cheeks was tear stained and red as a tomato. 

“Eds, seriously it was nothing. Lets not make a thing out of this and just get ready for school, yeah?” Richie was becoming noticeably agitated, wanting to drop the conversation.

“Richie, that was terrifying and you just want to let this go? Has this happened before? Did it have something to do with what my mom sai-” 

“FUCK, EDS! CAN YOU FUCKING LET IT GO!? NOTHING IS WRONG! I AM FUCKING FINE! WHY DO YOU WANNA START SHIT OVER SOMETHING SO FUCKING STUPID?!” Richie’s enraged shouting startled Eddie, leaving him in dumbfounded silence. In that moment, he was especially relieved his mother wasn’t around, as she most certainly would have heard them at this point. He knew there was no point in pressing the topic any further; it would get them nowhere and only make matters worse. When Richie got like this, there was no reasoning with him. 

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Quietly he began to dress himself, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. He would never admit it out lout, but Richie’s actions had hurt him deeply. It wasn’t fair! After being put through something so traumatizing, how could Richie yelled at him like that just for showing concern? Whatever. It had been enough arguing for one morning, and Eddie just wanted silence for a while. 

Guilt began to overwhelm Richie, realizing what he had done was inexcusable. He made his way over to his petite lover and wrapped his gangly arms around his shoulders, pulling him into his chest. “I’m-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. Just. . . please believe me when I tell you everything is fine, okay? I promise. You have nothing to worry about. I’m sorry. Are we okay?”

“Mmhmm. Yeah.” Eddie mumbled into Richie’s chest, before pulling away and offered him a weak smile as reassurance, still avoiding eye contact. “Yeah, of course. Everything’s cool.”

“Awesome! Lets get going, Spaghetti-Head!” A big toothy grin spread across Richie’s face as he took Eddie’s hand and pulled him into the bathroom. Side by side, they brushed their teeth and washed their faces, just as they did every morning. All the while, an uneasy, thick silence hovered around them, heavy with everything that had been left unsaid. 

The rest of the morning, Eddie replayed everything in his head over and over, especially on the drive to school. He would steal glances at Richie as he drove and sang along to the radio at the top of his lungs. He was acting just as he did any other morning. Nothing was different. It was unsettling in it’s normalcy. He played it off so effortlessly and convincingly. It made Eddie wonder, what else could Richie potentially be hiding? It could be anything and he would never have a clue. It was a terrible thought to have and it made him feel guilty for even allowing it to cross his mind. He trusted Richie, he really did. This morning had just left Eddie confused. 

Aware of Eddie’s pensive anxiety, Richie reached across the center console and took Eddie’s dainty hand in his calloused one, weaving their fingers together. With a gentle, warm smile, his eyes caressed his boyfriend’s soft, delicate face. “Hey. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Eddie reciprocated Richie’s smile and gave his hand a playful squeeze, signaling everything was truly alright. It wasn’t thought. Eddie knew better than to allow himself to believe so. Whatever it was that Richie was going through, it was clear this was just the beginning.  

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