#are we sick of this photoshoot yet???

[bbbrianjones]

the stone roses in paris, oct 1989

[ultravioletrayz]

KINKTOBER

╰┈➤ DAY FIVE: PUBLIC SEX + EXHIBITIONISM w/ HOMELANDER

Being with Homelander, you've quickly become America's doll. Little girls admire you, men ogle you, women envy you. You embody perfection— a sweet and pretty adornment for Homelander that Vought eagerly showcases to reinforce his heroic persona, while quelling concerns over his volatile nature by presenting you as his anchor to humanity's virtues.

Meanwhile, Homelander finds himself enamoured with your sweetness, a stark contrast to his usual entourage of adoring yet superficial admirers who fall into his orbit like moths to a flame. Though, he doesn't let you know of his smitten thoughts. He's concerned that if you actually knew the power you had over him, over everyone, you would lose yourself to the fame like so many of his other conquests tend to do. And he can't have that. You're just too precious.

Instead, he treats you more like a plaything, a placeholder for the kindness he's supposed to be conveying as a hero. That's why he drags you along to every interview, photoshoot, advert, convention, filming... he needs to flaunt you. He needs to show the world that he's the type of man that can score such an innocent girl, and subsequently portray a sort of gentlemanly image.

That gentlemanly image is non-existent now.

"If you keep fucking squirming, I'll call up some of these pigs to have a turn, huh? Just take it." Homelander grits out against your ear, strong hands keeping your cute dress bundled up as he thrusts into you from behind, the image blown up in size on the big screens around the convention hall. One innocent question is all it took for Homelander's resolve to snap. A mere "why are you so shy?" from a fan directed at you, to which your sweet boyfriend insisted on proving everyone wrong by showing off how much of a cock whore you are.

The audience are all cheering Homelander on with vigour, reeling at the raw display of masculine power. It's degrading, watching hundreds of people through teary lashes looking back at you as your tits bounce and your thighs quiver, your own slick running down your skin for all to see. But some sick part of you like it. Likes being seen as Homelander's toy. It's fucking exhausting pretending to be so cutsie every day, when all you want is to get your cunt stuffed with some thick, supe dick.

"How about I knock you up?" Homelander groans, hips rutting up into you with even more ferocity at the thought of getting you pregnant, of the changes your body would endure as his potent cum takes over you, makes you his alone.

"Clap if you think I should give America's sweetheart a baby!" Homelander calls out, balls grinding against your sopping pussy as he gets off on the applause of his adoring fans, almost cumming right then as he observes the uproar of encouragement.

"You heard them, honey. Gotta give the people what they want, don't we?"

eughhhh

[buzzinrusso]

Erin cuthburt×reader🙏

I WOULD NEVER //ERIN CUTHBURT

Genre:angst/fluff at the end

Prompt:you and your long term girlfriend, Erin, get into a very heated fight which results to her walking out of your house and you misunderstanding the situation.

--------------------------------------------------

"You don't get it! you never will! " Erin yelled in frustration as she paces around the room looking at a very irritated you.

"Okay! I get that but you are my girlfriend! I can't see you bury yourself with all the training sessions, workouts, photoshoots and more! " your eyes welled up with tears as you spoke. "So you know how embarrassing it is to be stood up by your own girlfriend in front of your family?! "

You're talking about the incident that occurred earlier today.

You and Erin were supposed to meet your parents and siblings for lunch, Erin had 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 you that she would show up, not wanting to stand you up another time.

Obviously that promise was broken, which lead to the heated argument you were currently having.

"How many times do I have to say that I'm sorry! I've apologized a million times already!" She said with her thick accent that came out when she was angry.

"Erin, that wasn't the only time you've stood me up. I'm your girlfriend for God's sake! You can't keep doing shit like this! You broke your promise, you said that you would go but you didn't! And you didn't even text me to say that you're not gonna be coming! I had to sit there like a fool with my family, assuring them that your were probably late! "

"Oh my gosh! So what if I broke my promise? Get fucking over it " she let out a sigh of irritation and started walking away towards your shared room.

"Don't you walk away from me! We are having this conversation now! " you started fully on crying.

You were sick of getting g stood up, you were sick of being embarrassed whenever Erin promised to show up but didn't, but in the end, you love Erin with your entire heart, too much to leave her as you fully believed that you would never have survived your dark days without her.

That's why you panicked when you spotted Erin getting her shows from the closet.

"Are you leaving? " your voice quited down a little

"I cant fucking do this anymore! " she yelled before she stormed out of the house.

Your heart stopped as you watched the scene unfold. Did you just lose the love of your life? Did she just walk out on you? She probably won't be returning.

Your mind immediately went to the worst possible answers. You didn't know what to do as sobs racked through your body, you didn't mean to lose Erin. You really didn't.

In reality you hadn't lost Erin, you just misunderstood the situation, but you didn't know that yet.

Your body involuntarily slipped down the white walls of your shared-not shared?- house.

The thoughts of her moving out, breaking up with you and dating someone else intoxicated your mind. You hated it.

Of course your mind went to those places. Whose mind wouldn't when their significant other yells out that they 'can't do this anymore' after an argument and walks out?

After about 45 minutes of sobbing, Erin finally went back to the house. With flowers in one and and her phone in the other, Erin went into the house only to be greeted by eerie silence.

Only did she hear the sounds of your muffled sobs coming from the bedroom did that silence break.

She quickly sprinted up to your room and when's he opened the door, she was greeted by you lying face down on the bed sobbing your heart out into the tear stained pillow.

She immediately raced to your side, making you flinch at the sudden contact and jolt up from the place where you were lying down.

You sniffles quieted down when you saw her sitting on the edge of the bed with a concerned look on her perfect face.

The sight of her made you calm down slightly.

"Why are you crying? I'm so sorry for making you cry baby, I swear I didn't mean to my love. I'm so so so sorry. " her words were rushed out as she pulled you into a hug that you melted into, but were clearly filled with concern for you. Her eyes proved that.

"I thought you broke up with me. " she barely get out because of your strained voice.

"I would never. I don't think k I'd ever survive if not for you. I'm so sorry I'm made you think that way but I assure you that I will never leave you. Not now nor anytime in the future. " she said as she began to tear up too. She couldn't handle seeing you cry, whenever you cried she did too.

It was the same way that some people had contagious smiles that you had a contagious cry.

"Then why did you say that you couldn't do this anymore and walk out? "

"I meant that I couldn't stay in the house anymore, I'm sorry baby I should've worded better, and as for the walking g put part, I. Needed a break so I walked around the area a little and got you flowers, ready to apologize. " she explained to you and to say that the new revelation was reliving to you would be an understatement.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm should've been more considerate , I should've never stood you up all those times and I'm sorry for every single thing that I did to make you upset. From now on, I swear that I will keep all of my promises and with that, I promise you to never ever purposely let a tear she'd form those pretty eyes of yours. "She then wiped the tears off of your eyes and proceeded to place kisses all over your face, making a slight smile breakout on your face.

And she did. Erin kept her promise in the future.

[cherriesformatt]

waiting || chris sturniolo

chrisxfem!reader

summary: when reader and chris are about to become parents

warnings: fluff

word count: 2k

a/n: My first story for Chris who cheers 🫢 I did not proof read yet! I hope you like it ❤️ Thank you for the request.

I was nervously checking the test every second sitting on a closed toilet seat. Chris was staring at it too while sitting on the bathtub edge. We had some scares before, but this one? This one felt a little too real.

We were in Boston for few days now and his mom made her famous shepherd's pie that I loved so much. But it just made me sick and I just have been feeling very weird lately and with my period late it just could mean one thing.

And let me tell you, both of us just looked like we saw a ghost. We have been laughing when Matt and Tilly had an accident - that oops great it wasn't us. Their daughter was born few weeks ago and we are here because they brought her to meet whole family.

But here we fucking go. Two red lines on both of the tests I was holding.

"Fuck...." I heavily breathed out.

I looked at Chris and he looked at me and also let the air out of his lungs as he held his breath for a little. He took his hat of to fix his hair and he put it back on. He put his hand on my thigh.

"I cannot believe this.. I wanna say it's karma but that would be a little mean" He said.

His tone was so calm that it actually made my crazy because I wanted to scream.

"We were teasing them for whole nine months so there we go hun.... our time to shine" I said and hid my face in my hands.

"y/n.... We got this, okay? I know I am a fucking big baby...and you had different plans but... we got this. Anything you decide to do....we got this" He hugged me tight to his body.

Of course I wanted to keep the baby. It was no other choices for me. We have been together for almost two year. I love Chris so much but we just came to the path that we were very happy just two of us. We had a rocky first year awith both of us having trust and commitment issues it wasn't easy and now I will have to share him with our baby.

"I know we do..." I said into his neck.

We didn't tell anyone on this trip because we waned this time to be only Matt's and Tilli's attention spot. But we did tell them right after we came back to LA. Jimmy and Marylou were with us because they wanted to help out with little Noa.

Me and Chris were both lazy souls and we were too overwhelmed to come up with like a cute idea to tell everyone. We just decided to do it.

"So...Noa is going to be a big cousin...surprise!" Chris said when we were all at the dinner table at Matt's house.

"What the fuck are you saying bro?" Matt looked at him with wide eyes.

'I am pregnant" I said looking at him and smiled a little.

"Was that like planned? Is it my turn too? What is this?" Nick laughed.

"Believe me it was not...."I said quietly.

"y/n honey... thats why you were so under the weather in Boston... sweats congratulations" Their mom hugged my tight.

Jimmy hugged Chis too and we just answered all the questions they had before Tilly took me and gave me all the advices and have me her pregnancy stuff she had packed to give away.

Other than the first few weeks the pregnancy was very easy on me. Chris was there for every appointment and he seemed to be really exited. I knew how he loved watching his brother becoming a father but I didn't know he is going to be that much happy about being one as well right now.

I was happy too, we made a space, we were stable, we could make the best for the baby. But we were also very young and that was just scary.

"Nick... I am not doing anything weird, can we just like.. go to the beach? On sunset... I do not need any dresses or flowers. I just need Chris and we should take Matt, Tilly and Noa for the photoshoot" I said to the oldest triplet.

"Okay, okay I knew you will going to say that.... You and Chris are just so basic... " He said.

I asked him to take our pregnancy photos, so we could have it for ourselves.

"If you would ask Chris I am pretty sure he would want our pregnancy photo shoot on Summer Smash stage with Lil Skies" I laughed.

He did as well because he knew I was right. Nick and I were alone at his house because Chris and Matt were gone to the festival. It took me and Tilly two weeks to convince them to go. They were very overprotecting of us. Matt said he would go when they will go to Chicago with him so Tilly did. But I had a lot of work to do here so I couldn't. So Chris said yes but only if I would stay over at Nick's so he will know I am safe.

"You are actually impossible you know?" He said when he walked in to our apartment and saw me painting walls in our son's room.

I was 7 months pregnant. My belly was really big already but I was feeling great. We just had a little gender reveal party for our friends and family. We waited for so long because we didn't know if we want to know but then both of us couldn't wait so we let Tilly organize one for us. We were going to have a boy. Chris was over the moon.

"I was bored and I am fine Chris" I said from the ladder..

"Get down here bro...I do not care you're giving me hart attack. I would you I will do it" He helped me down.

"I love you Chris but I am literally not made of glass" I hugged him and have him quick kiss.

"Yes you are...I missed you both today..." He put his hands on my belly and smiled.

"We missed you too" I said and smiled.

That night we were laying in bed reading. Yes, reading. Both of us were reading parenting books from Tilly.

"This is bullshit it is making me very anxious and I feel like the birth school is enough" He put the book down.

"Me too... honestly I have been thinking the same... everyone keeps telling us what to do and how... and it doesn't help. I mean, sure I take all the advice but in the same time I feel like we need to learn by ourself when he will be here" I said pitting book down.

"We should...You should rest and have the last months of this pregnancy for you...without any stress. And it is our last months just two of us...I wanna spend nice time with you without all of this" He took our books and put them down.

He took my hands into his and gave both of them a kiss.

"Come on a baby moon trip with me? Just two of us..." He asked looking at me and I smiled.

"Chris... this is so sweet" I said.

"Of course..." I aded and leaned in to kiss him.

We both decided that we felt the most comfortable and happy on Cape Cod in the cabin. That's also were we met so we wanted to go there. We rented our own cabin just in case his family wanted to use the other one. It was summer time so they were coming a lot. And also because we just really wanted to be alone. We spend everyday on the beach if it wasn't too hot for me. If it was we would just stay in and watch tv or play games together. I couldn't be more happier than I was with him there.

"You do cheesy sometimes...That I think my eyes are watering" I said when I saw him putting seashells in heart shape on my belly.

"Shut up.... it is cute" He said and made my pose to pictures.

"You're cute....youre such a dad already" I laughed looking at him.

"No I am not...youre just really beautiful" He laughed while laying down next to me on his stomach and on his the towel.

"Thank you Chris.... for that and for taking me here..." I said.

"Anytime mama" He kissed my nose and I scrunch it.

"Calling me mama is crazy" I laughed at him and he only wiggled his eyebrows at me.

And all the tiktoks about how you always thought your partner was hot but after seeing him carrying your baby home it is just something else? Well....seeing Chris with our son in his carseat on our way from the hospital to the car. I was ready to have another one right there.

He was so natural already. He was there for whole process panicking, but he was there. We both cried as hell when they put our baby on my chest. He cut the cord and he couldn't stop staring at our little man.

Our son was healthy and really loud. Thats how we knew Chris was the father. I am joking but for real little guy was a copy of Chris. He looked exactly like the triplets when they ere born.

We decided to name him Cali. We both were struggling with name and when we were watching tv one day someone used it as a name and we just looked at each other and we knew that this is going to be the name. I wanted it to start with C like Chris's name which he was happy about and said that if we have a daughter one day he wants her name to start with my initials.

As we brought Cali home he was a different baby. He was calm and we slept and ate well. I couldn't stop taking pictures of him and Chris. He was such a boy dad. All the stories he was telling him and they both napped together. He was doing everything equally with me. The changing, the feeding, bath time. Everything. I was very proud of how we handled it all.

Noa was Cali's biggest fan. She was almost one. She was walking already and every time they were over here she couldn't stop just sitting next to Cali. She was giving him her binky and just hugging him. We even took a picture where it looks like she is holding him by herself.

"Now tell me... isn't this the hotter thing ever?" Tilly asked me when we were watching Chris and Matt from the kitchen.

"Tilly...it fucking is I swear to god I am ready to have 5 more" I said and sat on the kitchen island next to her. We were having some wine and Chips.

Matt and Chris were playing on xbox while Cali was asleep on Chris's chest and Noa was asleep on Matt's. Nick wasn't here because he had some kind of event going on.

"Just bunch of dads" she laughed and took a sip from her glass.

"Dilfs if you ask me" I added and put my empty glass down.

"Alright... you know that we can hear you, right? I am going to confiscate the wine... I swear" Matt looked at us.

"Oh shut up you love it...."Tilly said and he just shook his head.

"Also 5 more is crazy baby...But I am fluttered" Chris looked at me. and winked.

I laughed and me and Tilly cleaned up a little and went to seat next to them.

I couldn't believe that we had two babies in the family and one of them was mine. I was a mother and it honestly was the best thing that happened to me. My missing piece.

My little family was all I needed right now.

[goldsainz]

THE MET GALA — one shot.

pairing: daniel ricciardo x reader

MASTERLIST.

NOTE: i was gonna do this with anok initially but smth told me to pick dua (also there’s more content from her)… so sorry for the rushed ending, wasn’t quite sure how to end it!! my requests are open, pls check my guidelines and who i write for!

liked by ynfan1, danielfan1 and 93,571 others

ynupdates in honour of y/n’s attendance at this years met gala, let’s all remember this two iconic looks (2019, 2022) and how she will serve yet again this year!!!

view all 1,403 comments

ynfan2 mother will deliver i just know it

user1 didn’t she skip last years met?

⤷ ynupdates yes! but she did a photoshoot with what she would’ve worn (she had a show and the dates overlapped)

ynfan3 she better not disappoint

user2 i’m scared for this years theme

danielfan2 is daniel going with her??

⤷ ynfan4 i think so

danielricciardo has uploaded an instagram story!

liked by danielricciardo, florencepugh and 5,290,683 others

yourusername The First Monday In May 🤍 An honour to cohost the Met Gala this year celebrating Karl Lagerfeld and his incredible legacy. Thank you Anna and Vogue for having me. Thank you patrimoine de Chanel chanelofficial for making my dreams come true with my dream dress the FW1992 original bride dress and thank you to tiffanyandco for lending me the most unbelievable necklace - I felt very lucky to get to show it off for the very first time!

view all 79,360 comments

danielricciardo My beautiful beautiful girl

⤷ yourusername i love you so so much 💛

⤷ landonorris ugh you both make me sick

ynfan21 YOU SLAYED THE MET!!!

redbullracing Our paddock princess!

⤷ danielfan21 rbr admin knows what’s up

user21 best dressed this year

danielfan22 WE WANT THE DANIELY/N PICS!!

scottyjames31 invite me to the met next

⤷ chloestroll she’s gonna be taking me, but keep dreaming!

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 31,758 others

[marwolaeth-76]

Hi (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡, Can you make a one shot of Veneer with a female reader, where the reader is also a singer (solo) but Veneer tries to get closer to her, in every possible way until at one point the attraction between the two of them is so noticeable that in interviews they begin to ask them about it, and in the end they start a relationship.

Hi!! thank you for your request and thank you for waiting, I hope you like it🩷 and I want to apologize for waiting request other people, I’m sick right now so I don’t have the strength to write😢

Veneer x !FemReader stars fell in love with each other

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

You take a deep breath as you walk down the halls of build preparing for your interview. Ever since your debut single dropped, your life has been a whirlwind. Fans, photoshoots, awards shows - it's all so exciting but also overwhelming at times. As you near the stage, you spot a familiar face in the crowd. Veneer gives you a small grin. Your heart skips a beat, you've been growing closer to the star singer over the past few months. Between running into each other at events and bonding over the pressures of fame, you've found yourself developing feelings for him. The interview goes well until the host notices your lingering glances at Veneer. "Soo tell me - are you two there is something between you?" Kid Ritz ask slyly, crossing one leg over the other, raising an eyebrow questioningly. You it’s hard to hide your nervousness, a chill of embarrassment runs down your spine, you should have guessed that such embarrassing questions cannot be avoided, people love drama, especially between stars. Before you can stammer a response, Veneer speaks up. "We just care for each other", -he says with a warm smile in your direction. "But for now, we're just enjoying each other's company and support as we both navigate this new chapter in our lives and careers." - His tone is calm, he must have planned this answer, it’s not just that he’s sitting among the audience? although maybe it's just a coincidence. His words are reassuring yet leave the door open for something more. After the show, you share a private moment backstage. "Before you think I'm a heartless ladies' man", - Veneer began to speak in his usual mannered voice. "I..I meant what I said earlier" - Veneer says softly, taking your hand in his. "You know? I really like you, It was already difficult for me to keep it to myself. Everything is happening so fast, I can’t say that I’m unhappy with it" To say that you are in shock is not enough to say, no, of course you dreamed of this, but to really have Veneer feel the same feelings for you as you do? You stand there like a real fool, staring at the guy with wide eyes for almost a full minute before coming to your senses, catching the slightly embarrassed expression on the singer's face. You beam up at him. "Um!..I like you too? this is so awkward, I'm sorry, Don’t get me wrong, I’ve really kind of... fallen in love with you for a long time.." Leaning in, your lips stretched out in an embarrassed smile, Your heart conquers the normal rate of beats per second, you pull the guy in to kiss him on the cheek. "Ohh only on the cheek?" - Veneer asks with a note of mischief, the slight nervousness left his face, although you could swear that his hand you were holding was shaking slightly, he looking at you with his sparkling blue eyes. Looking away slightly to the side, you shake your head, raising your eyebrows and answer excited: "everything has its time)" While love brings challenges, you're glad to face them with Veneer by your side.

♡♡♡

uhhh i really wrote little, srr, bad health does not allow me to think of something normally 😤

[hellishattempt]

𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 - false positive

cr 101strk on twitter, src from pin

🢥 summary : celebrity!au jjk men and rumours swirling around your established relationship, wc 2.4k 🢥 series includes : choso, fushiguro toji, geto suguru, gojo satoru and nanami kento, part two of five 🢥 content : celebrity!au, female reader, mostly angst, some fluff, married, body dysphoria, pregnancy, photoshopping / body editing, miscarriage, sickness, blood, fake newspaper used, paps being an ass, lying, use of pet names, suggestive content if you squint so hard your eyes are almost closed, i hate winter so this is set in like summer, jasper simping for nanami the entire time, the ending is what it is, not proofread we die like robins /ref

. . . BEING MARRIED TO AN AUTHOR has its perks, especially when you're a reader yourself. you always got to read the first drafts, and the second, and the final drafts before anyone else, including your husband's editors. nanami claimed that if it wasn't good enough for his wife, then it wasn't good enough to be published. you always thought that was a bit extreme, but you loved his writings either way. however, sometimes it was hard to find the time to read the latest chapter he sent you, because your job drained you. you were an influencer, and had currently signed a promotional deal with koh gen do, a popular japanese makeup brand. recently, you were barely home, busy with photoshoots and videos for koh gen do, on top of the content you had to make yourself.

neither of you really liked the limelight, nanami especially. you were young and naive when you joined social media, rising quickly to popularity. it was something you enjoyed, and you still do enjoy it, but it felt more like a tiring obligation than an aspiring career. you blame the paparazzi, nanami blames societal expectations, although he's not the paparazzi's biggest fan either. throughout your dating, and going on six year marriage, you and nanami have had your fair share of scandals. this one had to take the cake, however.

you were out, doing one of the last rounds of photoshoots for your endorsement deal. nanami was home, trying to churn out the latest chapter on his to-do list. he wasn't very successful. the mostly blank document had two words on it: CHAPTER THIRTY in the fancy font you had selected to be chapter headers. any attempt to write after that failed. every paragraph had been written, rewritten and deleted. so the buzz of his phone was a welcomed distraction.

it was an article post from red sun times, a relatively newer newspaper company in japan. nanami preferred them because they were quieter, at least compared to japan newsline or tokyoto sistership news. but the article title cause a deep frown to wrinkle nanami's sculpted face.

. . . "IS NANAMI KENTO'S WIFE PREGNANT?" was in big bold print on your phone screen. you didn't see it right away, but your makeup artist did. she got your hairstylist's attention, who read it just before your phone shut off. they both began to pepper you with compliments.

"congratulations, nanami okaa-san!" aki, your makeup artist beamed. your eyes widened at the term. 'okaa-san' literally translated to 'mother' of which, you were not. she should've used 'oka-san', which meant wife literally, and ma'am respectfully. "you look so skinny, i couldn't even tell!"

"yes, congratulations! how did nanami-san respond?" your hairstylist added, smile wide on his face. "better yet, how did your families react? oh, i bet they were overjoyed."

you sat there confused, racking your brain over what the two were referring to. "wh-what? what are you talking about?"

they stared at you with blank faces, their excitement slowly fading into a confused expression that matched yours.

"y-your pregnancy," aki stuttered out, as though it was obvious.

"pregnancy? i'm... i'm not pregnant," you stated, getting out of your chair. "who told you i was pregnant?"

"we just saw the news flash on your phone," your hairstylist defended, gesturing to your phone. "there was an article from red sun times and the title read: is nanami kento's wife pregnant?"

"i'm not pregnant," you repeated, growing in frustration. the fucking nerve. "do i look pregnant?" you snapped, causing the pair to furiously shake their heads and protest the article. you scoffed, grabbing your phone and your bag, storming out of the dressing room. the directory of photography called after you as you exited the studio, but you paid no attention to him.

safe inside your car, you opened the article. you also had a slew of texts and missed calls from your husband, but you didn't have the patience for him right now. the article was crudely written, at best. red sun times had been losing subscribers and readers lately, and this seemed like a last ditch effort to get their subscriptions up again. it didn't make sense to you, however. neither you nor nanami were a-lister names in the celebrity world. nanami didn't even consider himself a celebrity. sure, you both had a hefty fan base, but it was nothing compared to some of the other celebrities of japan, like the model gojo satoru or the mma fighter fushiguro toji.

it didn't matter, anyways. it wasn't the words of the article that hurt. it was the pictures. all them were of you with nanami on your latest outing. your anniversary was coming up, and nanami always got really sweet around that time, taking you out on dates on the days leading up to your anniversary. your anniversary was in three days, and a couple of days ago, nanami had taken you to a strawberry farm where you each filled a bucket's worth of strawberries, that were then all eaten on the picnic following the farm. the picnic spot was the riverside where he had proposed about seven years ago. you had an amazing time, and fell a little bit more in love with your caring husband. his sensible attention to detail, his doting words, his thoughtful actions, all of it made the date, and your relationship, perfect. now this article and its malicious pictures tainted that saccharine memory.

. . . THE IMAGES HAD CLEARLY BEEN EDITED. that's what your logical brain was trying to scream at you, but your emotions weren't listening. a small bump had been added to your stomach in each photo, your hips had been wider, and in a couple, your breasts had even been adjusted, as though they were full with milk. you felt sick. it was so hard to tell the difference between what was edited and what wasn't. did you really look like that? did red sun times even have to adjust these photos? "you look so skinny, i couldn't even tell!" the words of your makeup artist bounced around your pounding head. if you were so skinny, why did she still assume you were pregnant?

you had tried so hard that day to look pretty for your husband, wearing his favorite yellow sundress of yours, with the sweetheart neckline and puffy sleeves. nanami always said he preferred your natural look, but you had still glossed your lips, tinted your cheeks a faint pink and dusted your nose with highlighter. you had tied your hair up with a soft yellow ribbon, curling the loose strands. you had checked your reflection at least fifteen times before deeming yourself fit for the day. you had looked good in the mirror, so why didn't you look like that in these photos?

tears threatened at your eyes, but you swallowed them with the lump in your throat. you were almost home now, and you were sure that nanami had seen the article. he loved the red sun times because they didn't do stupid stuff like this. guess they just lost another reader.

"darling?" nanami's voice rang out as you entered your home. he walked into your vision, looking worried. you hadn't answered your phone at all, hadn't even read any of his texts. "oh, koibito..." his voice softened as you raised your head to meet his gaze.

you look so despondent with your watery eyes, and sullen posture. you hadn't even removed your shoes before he had scooped you into his arms and you were sobbing into his shoulder. you don't know how long you stood there in the foyer of your home, everything silent except for your choked breathing. there was a dark blemish on his wool sweater now, but nanami waved it off when you tried to apologize.

he guided you to the living room, helping you sit on the grey sofa that you had bought together six years ago. nanami worked wordlessly as he removed your shoes and coat; he took your phone and bag, placing them on the stand by the front door. a high pitched whistle echoed from the kitchen, and moments later he returned with a cup of steaming sencha, your favorite kind of tea. you felt so pathetic, sitting there sniffling while your husband tended to you.

when he returned for the final time, nanami had changed into a black t-shirt, and sat on the leather ottoman opposite from you. his elbows rested on his knees as nanami watched you sip the tea he had made you. he didn't speak, but only because he couldn't find the right words.

nanami prided himself on his syntax and vocabulary. he was the type of person who always said the right thing at the right time, it's why being an author was the only career option he cared for. but here, you sat in a stifled silence. he knew he should say something, but what? what were you were supposed to say in a situation like this? you were clearly distressed, and it was nanami's role as your husband to offer you words of encouragement, but his tongue was dry.

if nanami was honest, he almost wanted there to be some truth to the article. you hadn't exactly been trying for kids, but you hadn't not been trying. kids was something you both knew you wanted, but you hadn't discussed it in further detail. reading further into the article and viewing the photos made it clear that it wasn't true, at all. nanami knew almost immediately that when you saw this, you were going to breakdown, and he would be there to pick you up. so he ordered your favorite ramen, made your favorite tea and held you in his arms until you had calmed down.

nanami knew that you would believe the edits, that you would see yourself like that. despite how much he praised your body, you hated it, and he hated that. anytime you made some side comment about your stomach or thighs, it almost started a fight. he loathed the way you saw yourself, and nothing he argued stuck with you.

in the last few months, however, nanami was starting to see some progress. you stared less in the mirror with your meticulous eyes, pinching flaps of your skin between your fingers. you began to buy less healthier foods, and stopped mentioning the stupid diet you had placed yourself on. you wore clothes that you specifically avoided unless you had nothing else to wear, because of the way they displayed your figure. he knew that this article had erased all of that progress.

"i'm sorry, nani" you croaked, curling your knees into your chest.

"shh, no, koibito," nanami disregarded your apology. "you don't ever have to apologize about your emotions, especially not to me." he moved from the ottoman to take the spot next to you, pulling your small frame into his. one hand held yours while the other stroked your hair amorously. "the article was cruel, and any person with a heart would be reacting the same as you. don't worry, i've already called their editor and he said he doesn't know why the piece was published when it wasn't supposed to. it's being removed as we speak."

your heart welled at his words. he was so patient and understanding. moments like these made you love nanami more. and it gave you the confidence to tell him the truth.

"kento," you began, pulling away from him slowly. you used his given name over your nickname, nani, for him. you only used it during fights or confessions. he immediately perked up. "i..." you sighed. words were always nanami's thing, not yours. "i'm not upset about the photos."

"oh?"

"okay, well, i am, but for a different reason than you think."

"and what reason is that, koibito?" his tone was emotionless, as if he hadn't decided how to respond yet.

"i know you think it's because i'm always stressing about my body and the way it looks, and you're worried because i haven't been fretting over how i look as much, right? well, that's because i was pregnant, and i decided i couldn't care about that when i had bigger concerns, like the tiny life in my stomach." it became harder to speak, your sentences broken by tears and sobs.

"...was?" nanami's voice cracked, and his misty eyes matched yours.

you nodded, "was. i... i had a miscarriage."

"w-when?"

"about a week ago. i was about a month and a half along."

"you mean that time you canceled girl's night because you were sick? you told me that it was just your period, and you sent me out to get you stuff from the store." nanami's brows furrowed.

"yeah, that's.. that's right." you took a breath to steady yourself. "there was just blood everywhere, and i was a wreck and i didn't have the courage to tell you. i know how badly you want kids of our own, and i just didn't want to hurt you."

"hurt me? baby, you were the one hurting, and i just played it off like it was normal. i feel terrible."

"you couldn't have known," you reassured him. "but that article, and those photos, it just tore me apart all over again. that's how i should look, that's how i want to look, but i lost that part of me, that part of us."

nanami didn't respond at first, just reached back out for you. you both sat there, quiet sniffles and crying the only sound in your home. he continued to comfort you, even though you felt like you should be offering him comfort. after all, nanami is learning that you were pregnant and now no longer pregnant all at once.

"koibito," he murmured after a while. "i want you to know that i love you no matter what. i don't care how you look or how you don't look. you're my wife, and i didn't marry you because of your body and figure. i married you because i fell in love with your laugh, your smile, your unpredictable personality, and all the other beautiful things about you. i'm always going to support you and love you. and if you want to be pregnant, then i'm happy to oblige."

you laughed despite your sadness, swatting at him playfully, which elicited a "what? i'm serious!" from nanami.

"shut up," you muttered, still chuckling. he smiled, happy to see that you were laughing along with him. nanami pressed a kiss to your temple, humming an "i love you" against your skin.

you snuggled deeper into him, craning your neck to meet his eyes. "i wanna be a mom, nani."

he wrapped both arms around you, meeting your gaze. "then a mom you shall be, my koibito."

[itsthestutterforme]

Wanna Bet? 1/2 (Johnny Storm x model!reader)

Summary: You were a midsized model in New York City and Johnny has taken a liking to you. But you thought it was a sick fetish he had and Johnny was more than happy to prove him otherwise.

Notes: GIF is not mine, all mistakes are my own, mature themes (grinding, allusions to sex), MINORS DNI, reader is black

—

You half listened to your girls gossiping about who they took home the other night as the group of you walked out of the photographer’s studio.

You look to where Johnny is normally parked as he waited for your photoshoot was over.

Your gaze fell to Johnny leaning against his crimson red Corvette, pushing his shades up the bridge of his nose. His black leather jacket hugged his frame nicely.

He smiled at you but you could tell something was wrong.

You left the girls to talk among themselves, tightening your grip on your bag when you neared Johnny.

“What happened to going out to lunch, Y/N?” One of them calls after you. “Raincheck,” you said over your shoulder. “That’s what she said last time,” she said under her breath.

“He’s going to break her heart,” her sister said in disbelief. “I know. But she’s just going to have to find out for herself,”

Your eye brows knit together when you noticed blue and purple streaks peeking out from behind his shades.

“Hey sweetheart,” he greets and you hum in response, crossing your arms. You reached for his shades and he let you take them off, wincing when the side grazes against the sensitive skin.

“What the hell happened to your face, Johnny?”

“Awe, you worried about me? I knew you cared.” He teases, but you weren’t laughing. His left eyelid was starting to bruise but it wasn’t to the point of swelling. Not yet anyway.

“Tell me what happened,” you prod. He sighs, gently taking the glasses from your hands and clipped them on his shirt.

There were some guys talking about you at the bar. And I didn’t like what they had to say, alright?”

“Well, what did they say?” He kicks off the curb and opened the passenger’s side door. “Come one. Let me take you home.” “I can’t. My driver is waiting for me.”

“I told the driver to take the day off. He happily agreed.” He says in amusement. “Johnny,” you scold.

He cocks his head to the open door and you signed in defeat, stepping around his large frame to slide into his car.

“Are you going to tell me what they said?” You asked when he piles into driver seat and cuts a guy off when he merges into the highway from the parking lane.

“It doesn’t matter what they said,” “It matters if you fought them over it,”

“They said commented about my weight, didn’t they? Do people not get that modeling agencies purposely hired midsized women and plus sized women. It’s not like we were shooed in or something. We have to earn that shit,” you add, looking out of the window.

“It was something like that, yeah.” Pulling your eyes from the window, you looked at his bruising cheek.

He held your gaze for a moment before returning his attention back to the road. He clenches his jawline as he concentrates on crossing over to the left lane to make a turn.

You stare at his plump lips for a moment. There were countless times you’d envision what kissing him would feel like.

Had he not been Johnny Storm, things would have been entirely different.

“And why would you do that? You realize that if word gets out that you defended me, people will start to-“ “I stopped care what people think a long time ago, Y/N.”

“So you don’t care if the media spins that we’re a couple?” “The media can think what they think,” he says with a shrug.

“Are you okay?” “Emotionally? I’ve had better days.” “You’re insufferable, Johnny.” You said with an eye roll and he chuckles.

“Well if you didn’t make pissing you off so entertaining. I’d stop doing it.”

“No you wouldn’t,” “You’re right. I wouldn’t.” You shook your head but couldn’t help the smile on your face.

He parks in front of your apartment, turning to find you already staring at him. Your eyes concentrate on his bruised kissed cheek.

“I know that look and don’t do that to yourself.” He states.

“I know I can be a bitch. But I never meant for you to get hurt, Johnny.” “I know you didn’t, sweetheart.”

His hand twitched in his lap as he practiced restraint from reaching to touch your face.

“You wanna come inside for a bit?” You offered, his lips parted in surprise. “You sure? You know, I respect your decision not to let me inside.” He negotiates.

“Johnny, we’re adults. I’m sure we can go inside my apartment and have a talk without it leading to sex.”

His cock twitched in his pants at you saying the word sex. God, he was much far gone than he cares to admit.

“You’re right.” He agrees. You opened the door and stepped out on the sidewalk.

Closing the car door, you took your keys out of your bag. Johnny waits behind you close enough to smell your perfume.

Tapping your keycard against the keypad, the two of you walked into the house you were renting.

“Wow,” Johnny says to himself, mesmerized by the high ceilings and crystal chandeliers. He had hoped your massive couch was as comfortable as it looked.

You clicked on the lights to the dining room and the kitchen on the way to your bedroom.

“Let’s order something. Maybe Chinese?” You suggest, setting your bag on the bed.

Johnny whistles before adding, “So this is what modeling will get you, huh?” “I’m glad you like it,” you respond, taking off your earrings and taking off your earrings.

He follows your voice to your bedroom, he nearly groans at the sight of the King bed in the center of the room.

“And they say you can’t make an honest living off of modeling,” he says, leaning against the doorframe.

“Who says that?” You quirked a brow in anticipation. “Bunch of idiots, that’s who.” He says, making the two of you laugh.

He smiles at you when you meet his gaze. You stood a few inches from him. “So, Chinese?” “Chinese works for me.”

“Great let me get my..” you turn to reach for your phone but Johnny catches your hand.

“I know this is wrong, but why does it feel so-” he starts until you interrupt him. “Don’t do that. Don’t make it about feelings or attachment. You just want to fuck me.”

“I don’t just want to fuck you,” he argues. “Oh really? Should I ask the laundry list of women that you’ve slept with in my model agency alone?” You retort, tearing your hand away from him.

“I’m not an idiot, Johnny. I know what this is about.” “If I didn’t care about you, do you think I would speak up for you?”

“I didn’t ask you to do that,” “That’s the point. I wanted to do that.” He closes the gap between you.

“I refuse to be just another notch on your belt. There’s countless women who want you, Johnny.” “I don’t want them. I want you.”

“Like hell you do. I know your track record. You like petite women. Women you can easily pick up and do cute little beach scenes with. I am anything but, and I’m okay with that.”

“So that’s what this is about. You think I’m not attracted to you because you’re curvy?” “No, I know you’re not attracted to me because I’m midsized,”

He stares at you with a blank expression and you narrowed your eyes at him to challenge what you had said.

He takes off his jacket and tossed it on the chair at your desk.

You said his name when he takes a step towards you. Before you could do anything else, he lifts you into his arms without so much of a grunt.

He wraps your legs around his abdomen and looked up at you with an amused smile. You had to hold back a groan threatening to leave your lips when your body pressed against his rock hard chest.

“Is this what you were worried about? Here, let me do you one better.” He slides his hands under your thighs and lifts you higher up his abdomen.

“Johnny,” you said fearfully, squeezing his shoulders. “Relax, sweetheart. I got you.” He said, breathlessly.

With that, he lifts your legs over his shoulders and buries his face against your cunt. You gasped when the tip of his nose nudged your clit.

Warmth spread through your body, your cunt throbbing with arousal. The vibrations of his groans against your core caused a breathlessly moan to leave your lips.

He casually walks towards your bed until his legs touched the base of the bed. Bending at the waist, he gingerly removed his face from you and set you down on your bed.

His tongue darts across his lips as he met your gaze.

You stared at one another in silence, his pink lips parted to let out a few a deep breaths.

“Sorry if I overstepped,” he tells you, grabbing his jacket and leaving the room.

As if your legs had a mind of their own, you rushed after him. “Johnny wait,” to your surprise, he was waiting in the hallway just before he reached the stairs.

You nearly run into his back, wrapping your arms around his body so he didn’t fall down the stairs.

He turns around in your arms and you quickly let go to take a few steps back.

He closes the gap between you and reached for your face but you press your hands to his chest to stop him.

“I have some conditions.” Your voice grew shaky the longer you held his seducing gaze. He needed you and you could feel it.

“I’m fine with this being a one time thing.” You start. “It won’t be a one time thing,” he says, walking you back into the bedroom.

“And I’m also fine with having no strings attached,”

Once the back of your knees hits the bed, you laid down with your arms holding you up. He tosses the jacket on the floor and kicked off his shoes.

You almost felt ashamed from how fast you spread your legs when he climbed over you.

Almost.

Your back arched when his painfully hard cock presses against your clit, putting more and more pressure every second.

He watches your squirm underneath him, begging for more friction.

“Oh there’ll definitely be strings attached,” he mutters, taking your bottom lip between his teeth.

[fairyniceyeah]

⌛🐿️ Tears in diamond

Title from Better (ATEEZ)

Summary: Hongjoong is sick, overwhelmed and in need of taking care of. Too bad that Award season was in the near future. Yet he doesn’t make it through, collapsing backstage.

CW: emeto, idol mistreatment, hospitals, CPR, critical medical conditions

Sickie: Hongjoong Caretaker: mainly Seonghwa (feat. Eden + Maddox)

03:48 o’clock in the morning. Hongjoong rubbed his eyes tiredly and placed his headphones on the desk next to his laptop. Resting his head in his hands he groaned. He just wanted to go home and sleep, his head was pounding in tune with every beat of the new song he was trying to produce. Emphasis on trying. Who would have thought that preparing for another Award show, a concert cycle and having interviews and photoshoots daily would mean that the only time for producing for the new album would only be at night? Certainly not the person who had planned all of this. Why had he agreed to the schedule again? Right, because he had no choice.

And no good new songs. But a headache, a lack of sleep and an annoying rasp in his throat. ‘Congratulations, Hongjoong, you won it all’, he thought bitterly to himself. He was very acutely aware that self-pity would not help him at the moment, thank you very much. But he thought he could at least give himself five minutes to miss a regular sleep cycle and his bed. Oh, his warm, cozy bed with Seonghwa softly snoring in the bed under him. He pushed the keyboard away and laid his head on the table. Five minutes, then he would go on.

⌛

He awoke to someone shaking him gently. “What?”, he groaned, shooting upright and nearly falling out of his swivel chair as a result. Apparently all the grace he possessed on stage he had forgotten there.

“Joongie”, Eden’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, “you promised you would go home last night.”

“I did?”, Hongjoong asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, coughing softly against the still annoying tickle in his throat.

“Yes”, Eden’s voice was sharp and gentle at the same time. Hongjoong didn’t know how he did it. Whenever he tried the same tone of voice with his members he always came off as sharp and angry. He always apologised to whoever was at the mercy of his poor ability to regulate his tone afterwards but couldn’t help but feel bad about it.

“We will talk about it later, young man”, Eden continued, oblivious to Hongjoong’s inner monologue, “your members are looking for you. You have English lessons in… uh…” He looked at his watch. “seven minutes ago.”

“Shit”, Hongjoong cursed, jumping up and again nearly falling as his head swam at his sudden height change. Damn his clumsiness. Only Eden’s hand on his arm prevented him from faceplanting in his studio. “Thank you. Sorry for the inconvenience. See you later, hyung.”

“Hongjoong, wait”, Eden called. He turned around, one hand reaching for the doorknob. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, hyung. Just tired, I really gotta go, bye.”

⌛

He made his way through the halls as fast as possible without running. His legs felt too much like lead for that, his breathing not quite as deep as he would wish. He had to stop to catch his breath as he rounded the corner to the hall which held the English class room. His throat felt raw as he had to cough, his lungs really hating early morning sports. There he was – a more or less famous K-Pop Idol – winded after rushing through the halls of his company building. Sad, really. He couldn’t stop to finish his self-depreciating thoughts though, he was already so late.

Cautiously trying to make himself look more put together and less like he was had just woken up with his forehead glued to his desk at the studio, he walked the last few steps and knocked on the door.

“Enter”, a voice called in English. The teacher sounded pissed. He pushed the door open nevertheless, ignoring the hot flush encompassing his whole body. On stage he loved having ATINY’s and other fans’ eyes on him but here in private about to be scolded? He hated it with every fibre of his being.

“Kim Hongjoong, you are nearly fifteen minutes late”, the teacher said. Hongjoong bowed deeply at a ninety degree angle, suppressing how his lungs didn’t like that as well as the second head rush when he lifted his head to apologise: “I’m very sorry, teacher-nim. I was at the studio. It … wo... won’t happen again.” He answered in English likewise, knowing he would only get scolded for speaking Korean. It was a terrible concept really, how should the members whose English was weaker learn to speak a different language if they never understood the teacher who refused to communicate in Korean or accept question from them? He had wanted to talk with the CEO or at least a manager about that issue but he never had had time for that, other things taking priority.

“You might be the best of your group in English, Mr. Kim, but that doesn’t mean you can just come and go as you please. Many other groups have native English-speakers, you all are seriously lacking. Don’t you think your precious ATINY will turn from you if you can’t communicate with them? How will you gain new fans?”, the teacher raged on. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Seonghwa and Yunho wince, Seonghwa opening his mouth to probably defend him. Hongjoong unobtrusively shook his head.

“So you think you can just stay ignorant of other people’s language?”, the teacher had obviously seen the gesture and interpreted it wrong. Her voice was full of anger.

“No, of course not”, Hongjoong apologized, “I just … I …” Christ, he didn’t even know what to say in Korean. How should he answer in English? He settled on a horribly stuttering: “I apologize again for my lateness. It will not … I won’t be late again.”

“I sure hope so”, she said. “Now, get up. I told you before, bowing won’t help you in other countries. Sit down, don’t interrupt the lesson and stay back for fifteen minutes after, to catch up on what you missed.”

Hongjoong froze. They had fifteen minutes between the lesson and the next interview, which probably would take hours to film, to eat and rest. Now he would have to go without dinner, breakfast and lunch, having forgotten the first and missed the second meal.

“Yes, teacher-nim”, he said and quickly got up to go to his seat next to Yeosang. Again his head swam but he pushed past it, sinking down in the seat grateful to not having to stand on his feet anymore.

He was aware of the curious and worried glances his teammates threw him but he ignored them in favour of glancing at Yeosang’s open book. The teacher luckily didn’t comment on his own book that laid forgotten in the dorm, as he had planned to pick it up when he left the dorm this morning. Since he hadn’t actually been at the dorm today he also had no book. As the teacher turned her back to show something on the projector, Seonghwa slid his book onto his table, having brought it for him. Hongjoong gave him a thankful smile, opening the book on the right page. Speaking and reading comprehension, great.

He listened half-heartedly as the others read passage after passage in the book out loud, then get continuously grilled by the teacher about the content. Wooyoung looked close to tears but Hongjoong had no strength to fight another battle. He felt like the worst leader in K-Pop history for not helping him but he was so tired and achy and his head was still pounding. Worst of all, the coughing hadn’t seemed to be a result of a dry throat and a lack of water. No matter how much he sipped from his bottle, the tickle in his throat never went away. Instead it got worse, especially since Hongjoong refused to cough lest he be accused of disrupting the lesson again.

Then it was his turn. He stuttered badly over his words, his pronunciation and fluency worse than it had been in years. Half-way through the first paragraph he couldn’t hold back anymore and as he nearly choked on spit he started to cough softly, trying to clear his throat. The teachers looked on, unimpressed, while Yeosang pushed his water bottle close, Hongjoong’s own long empty.

He took a few sips, trying not to breath in the liquid. The members were watching him worriedly, a good motivation for him to continue reading out loud. He managed to get through all his assigned paragraph without any major issue, his voice hitching for a few times but not resulting in coughs again. The lesson ended shortly after, at least for the others.

“Teacher-nim”, Seonghwa started, having stayed busy packing his stuff as their dongsaengs rushed out as quickly as possibly. “We only have … short break. Then we have interview and …”

“This is not your concern, is it, Mr. Park? Go.” Seonghwa hesitated but at Hongjoong’s pleading gaze to not cause more drama left. The door fell shut behind him, leaving Hongjoong and the teacher alone. Dread ran though his body but he pushed it aside. He was the captain, he could do this.

“I want you to write an apology to me for being late, being disrespectful and disrupting the lesson on purpose with coughing. I want at least half a page, if you can’t finish it in 15 minutes that is on you. I will only accept a perfect text.”

Hongjoong nodded, ducked his head and started writing. He hated grovelling at other people’s feet and he knew the punishment was unfair and harsh. They couldn’t help their hectic schedules and it would have made no difference if it was his fault for being late or because something else ran long. If it had been anyone else from his team he would have fought for them at this point but he was too tired and exhausted to do it for himself.

He didn’t finish in time but not wanting to be late to the interview and embarrassing the group he wrote his name down and handed the paper in.

He never noticed he signed in Korean.

⌛

The drive to the interview took nearly half an hour, so Hongjoong was able to scarf down the sandwich Wooyoung had saved for him and try to wake up a bit from his down. He was still angry at himself and the teacher, never mind still feeling under the weather. He didn’t want to take a pill for his headache and get questioned for it, so he just downed his whole bottle of water which also might help his throat. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was running a fever – the others were wearing long-sleeved shirts but he was freezing in his hoodie and jacket. Well, nothing he could do for that.

When they arrived at the venue they were immediately swarmed by make-up and hairstylist hyungs and noonas. Right, he didn’t want to look like a hot mess on camera but the make-up irritated his eyes and he shivered in the T-shirt so much that the stylist-hyung gave him a jacket though it would cover the colourful sides of the shirt below.

They were ushered into the recording room, two sofas set up for them. Hongjoong ended up in the middle between Mingi on his sofa, and Jongho on the other sofa. The questions were blended in on the screen behind the camera, luckily in Korean, so he didn’t have to translate. He stayed quiet for most of the interview, only answering questions when they were directed at him or everybody had to answer. His members were very professional, doing their best to be funny and engaging. He felt bad for letting them do all the hard work but he couldn’t help it.

The cameras would keep rolling for the whole interview, so the editors could get the best cut. Which was, in Hongjoong’s opinion, very bad today. His throat constantly threatened to give up on him and force him to cough and secondly he had drank so much water to sooth his throat that his bladder would welcome an actual bathroom break. Just as he resigned himself to speak to ask for a break, already embarrassed before he opened his mouth, the screen went black and the production crew clapped. He hadn’t even realized the group had said their good-byes. Normally he would stay back to talk with the producer but desperate for a moment alone he slipped out the door, already coughing. He wanted to make his way to the bathroom but he had to lean against the wall as his lungs rebelled.

A manager-noona came to find him, looking worried. As he regained his breath, she offered him a bottle of water and a throat lozenge. “Thank you”, he whispered, slightly hoarse, and took a few greedy sips. The manager looked him up and down, then asked: “Are you alright, Hongjoongie? I could probably cancel dance practice for you if you need some rest. That cough sounds bad, I don’t want you to get worse before the Award show and the following concerts.”

“I’ll be fine, just a tickle in my throat”, he answered, giving her a smile that didn’t seem to convince her. “Thank you for checking up on me. I need to use the bathroom but after that I can talk with the producer and thank him.”

“Off you go then.”

They returned to the company building quickly, the producer taking Hongjoong’s apology for rushing off in stride. His eyes kept falling shut on the drive but he knew he needed the dance practice. He just wasn’t as talented in dancing as most of the others, he knew that. He also knew his talents really laid within rap but he still couldn’t help but feel jealous of the ease the others portrayed. Instead his body felt heavy, not wanting to move right and so he ended up making a lot more mistakes than acceptable for one week before Award show season. The other members were throwing him worried glances every time he fought to dance while still coughing or had to stop to catch his breath. He felt bad for making them stay longer than necessary, so after the water break at hour four he stopped them.

“Good job, everybody. You can go home now. Thank you, Yunho-yah, for the practice.”

“What about you, hyung?”, Jongho said, bottle lifted half-way to his mouth, “aren’t you coming home?”

“Uh, no”, Hongjoong said, scratching his head, “I still have to get this dance down, we don’t have much time before the shows and concerts.”

“I can stay with you, Hongjoong-hyung”, Yunho offered, but Hongjoong waved him off. They all deserved their rest.

⌛

Knowing it was futile to argue with him, the others left him to his devices and so he pushed himself to remember the dance for the next three hours. The cough didn’t get better and his head was aching so much he had trouble focusing, even the dimmed light in the studio blinding him. He definitely had a fever, he was shaking badly and still so cold. With a heavy heart he had to admit himself he would not get any better that night, so he wiped off the most off the sweat and made his way to the studio. After all he hadn’t finished the track last night and he was seriously behind.

In the studio he wrapped himself up in the thin blanket he always kept there for sleeping on the couch. He longed to lie down to get some actual rest but he knew he couldn’t. Instead he powered up his laptop, dimmed the brightness and continued working.

Half an hour later his eyes were burning and he couldn’t even see the screen right. Why even have glasses to correct his terrible vision if they didn’t help? He placed them on the desk and rubbed at his eyes to find them wet. Was he crying? Checking his reflection in his dark phone screen he saw that he was really crying, tear tracks running down his face. Huh, he supposed he was more exhausted than he had thought. But then again everything had gone wrong day from English lessons to the Interview. He didn’t even want to think about the dancing. He really was as much of a failure as the English teacher seemed to think.

With a groan, he resigned himself to pleading with the company executives to delay the next album as he would not finish the tracks in time if it continued like this. Knowing he wouldn’t get anything done tonight, he laid down on the sofa and was out like a light, blanket forgotten on the chair and tears still dripping down his lashes.

He woke up multiple times that night, not quite awake but never quite asleep either. It was a horrible kind of sleep, the one you only got when seriously sick and feverish. Nightmares of the English teacher and dark, faceless shapes morphing into his members terrorized his sleep, calling him weak and pathetic. It made his rest fitful and anything but restful. He shivered without the blanket but had no strength to get up and get it. He desperately wished for someone to comforting him and make the sensitivity of his skin against the leather go away.

⌛

Morning came faster than expected and slower than imagined and with it the disappointed eyes of Eden and Maddox who stared down at the Idol with thinly veiled thin patience. Both of them were wearing masks.

Hongjoong sat up, head spinning and chest aching, as he looked up at his mentors with a sheepish expression on his face. Nearly immediately after sitting up he had to cough. He knew he had fucked up, he should have programmed an alarm before the others were to arrive at least to wake up and look more presentable. Hopefully, he didn’t look like he had cried himself to sleep. Shivering, he longed to grab the abandoned jacket, cold and nauseous from tiredness but didn’t want to look even more pitiful than he probably already did.

“Hongjoong-ah”, Eden began, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Imagine my surprise when I told you to go home the day before yesterday, finding out you didn’t, scolding you for that and now finding you here asleep again.”

“I’m really sorry, hyung”, Hongjoong said, bowing his head. Why did it feel like all he did was apologizing? “I didn’t mean to. I just have to finish these tracks and over the daytime I never have time with all the preparations.”

He heard Maddox sigh and then he was wrapped in delicious warmth. The older man had grabbed the blanket and adjusted it over his shoulders. He gave a small nod of thanks, not ready to look up at his hyungs.

“You know that we only want the best for you and ATEEZ, don’t you, Joongie?”, Maddox asked. “That means we can’t have you burning out. You’re exhausted, sleeping here in the studio if you sleep at all. You’re obviously already sick, I can feel your fever from here and you’re bathed in sweat. When we arrived you were in the throes of a nightmare, calling for your members. You need to rest and let your body heal or you won’t be able to continue this lifestyle.”

“But there is so much to do”, Hongjoong said, partially embarrassed and wringing his hands in his lap, “Interviews, concerts, practices, producing new songs, the Award shows…”

“Let us help”, Eden said and Hongjoong looked up at him with wide eyes. The producer had his arms crossed in front of his chest but he looked concerned, “Buddy, Leez, Ollounder, Peperoni, HLB, Oliv and I can look over the songs. I know that ATINY loves seeing your credentials on the songs and they will be there, but ATINY also loves seeing you healthy and happy. You’re working towards burnout. Nobody wants to see you in month long hiatus because it was too much and you didn’t stop before you collapsed.”

“But I should be able to do it!”, Hongjoong burst out. He felt ashamed that it came out so emotional but it was the truth, “I’m the captain, the second oldest, the one the kids look up to, God knows why. If I can’t do this for the group, what kind of leader does that make me? Just look at the other groups, take Bang Chan-hyung. He’s the leader and a rapper and he produces all their songs. Every single one. If I can’t do that what do I bring to the group?”

“I’m going to attribute that to the fever you’re sporting”, Eden said, “that is nonsense and you know it. You bring so much to the group. You said it yourself, the kids look up to you. Seonghwa-yah looks up to you. In fact, we all do. You are an amazing rapper. You care so much about other people, about equality and your group and ATINY. Yes, Bang Chan-ssi does produce Stray Kids’ music, but he is part of 3Racha, all of them produce their music. You’ve got the others helping you sometimes and of course us, but you do most of the work alone. You’re doing so good, Joongie.”

Maddox nodded and added: “If there is something going on, you can come to us you know? You don’t have to stay holed up here alone.”

Hongjoong didn’t know how to reply to that. He took a deep breath to stop the wobbling of his lips and the unpleasant way his breathing started to hitch in anticipation for tears but he had to double over with a rough cough that pulled at his lungs enough that it hurt. A warm hand found its way to his back and then a bottle of water was held in his line of sight. Gratefully he took the water but was unable to open it due to trembling hands. Maddox gently took it from him, opened it and gave it back. Hongjoong sipped at the water, soothing his aching throat. He gave the bottle back, opened his mouth to thank the two and promptly burst into tears.

He valiantly tried to stop, after all how pathetic was it to be crying in his own studio while his mentors watched? A hand rubbed his back again and a soothing voice helped him calm down. He was glad neither of them tried to hug him, Hongjoong was sure he would have died of embarrassment right then and there.

“There you go”, Maddox whispered as Hongjoong regained his breath. “Sorry about that”, Hongjoong mumbled, frantically wiping at his aching eyes. Damn, crying again really hadn’t done his headache any favours. “It’s alright, you needed that, I think”, Maddox comforted, sounding less awkward than Hongjoong would have expected. “Eden-hyung stepped out to call your manager. Congratulations, you just won a one-way ticket to your bed. In the dorms.”

Hongjoong whirled around to look at him, embarrassment momentarily forgotten. “We’ve got dance practice, another interview and a photoshoot today. I can’t just go home.”

“Yes, you can”, the manager-noona from the day before said as she stepped into the studio. “I cancelled all your schedules today in agreement with your lead manager. Lucky for you I was already on the way to the studios when Eden-oppa called me. Anyways you need to do a Covid-test and stay away from the company till it is proven that you are negative.” She held out a mask to him.

“But…”, Hongjoong tried but faltered. His warm, cozy bed sounded fantastic right now. Under three burning gazes he nodded, and with the help of the manager he quickly gathered all his stuff, slipping his headphones into the bag next to his laptop as she had turned her back. With a sigh he put on the mask.

They arrived quickly at the dorm. For once it was empty. It was strange, Hongjoong never saw it that void of occupants and the accompanying sounds and chaos, never really having been home alone. “Do you still have some medication or do you need me to pick something up?”, the manager asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. “I think we got everything, I will text you if we don’t. Thank you for driving me.”

“Of course, feel better soon, Hongjoongie, and don’t worry about the schedule. Take your temperature, please, and let me know about it and the test results.”

⌛

With the words the manager-noona left him to his own devices and he traipsed into the bathroom to check the cabinets for fever reducers and painkillers. If he wasn’t allowed to work he could at least get comfortable while he didn’t work on his music.

He did indeed find the medication, quickly swallowing the pills dry and drinking straight from the tap to help his throat. He quickly prepared a Covid-test, not having missed putting a stick up his nose. A necessary evil. He started coughing again but ignoring how much he wanted to just curl up in bed, he instead stripped out of his clothes and turned the shower on hot. Finally he wasn’t freezing anymore. He quickly washed the sweat off his body and hair, then just stood there enjoying how the heat cleared his sinuses, reducing the pressure in his chest. It caused him to cough though and he started to get dizzy, so he turned the water off and wrapped his body in towels. He should have brought his pyjamas with him.

He walked through the cold halls, bare feet freezing, before he pushed the door to the room he shared with Seonghwa open. He changed into pyjamas and stole one of his Yunho’s comfy hoodies which was more of a dress on him because the outside of the shower was so cold. He quickly grabbed his bag from where he had left it in the hall, made himself some tea and got another water bottle. Remembering his manager-noonas words he fished out the thermometer from under the sink and texted her a number that was well below the ”38.6°C” blaring and beeping at him.  Whatever, he was probably just overly warm from the shower and with the medication it would go away. He hoped. The test proved to be negative as well.

Finding their shared humidifier on Jongho’s night table, he plugged it in in their room and stared at the steps up to his bed. Then he decided that climbing up to his bunk was too much and instead curled up under Seonghwa’s covers, breathing in the familiar smell of laundry detergent and lotion.

He took a few seconds to just bathe in the familiarity, then unpacked his laptop, coughing softly. Hongjoong slipped his headphones on his ears and tried to focus on the screen. Sleep was pulling at him, but he refused. He had work to do.

He did take a quick nap in the afternoon, but his alarm woke him up an hour later and he continued his work. His cough was getting worse not better though, sort of wet and deep. He really couldn’t risk getting sicker but he had no choice but to work, pop pills and hope for the best. In the late evening he heard the sounds of his members returning even through the front door, just as he came back from the bathroom. He sprinted across the hall, slipped into the room and closed the door just as the sounds got louder as his members entered. He carefully but quickly put his laptop on the desk and slipped back under Seonghwa’s covers, pretending to sleep.

Hongjoong must have fallen asleep by accident, as he woke up to Seonghwa gently shaking his shoulders, waking him up for dinner. The older man didn’t seem surprised at all to see him asleep in his bed. “How are you feeling?”, he asked as he scrutinized Hongjoong. “Better”, Hongjoong lied. “I’ll come back to work tomorrow. I already missed too much today.” Just then he started to cough, quickly covering his mouth. As he pulled his elbow away he saw the stain of mucus on his elbow. Seonghwa looked a bit disgusted but handed him a tissue to wipe it away. “That cough doesn’t sound good.”

“It will be fine. Dinner?”

Truthfully Hongjoong wasn’t hungry at all but he didn’t want his members to fuss at him. Seonghwa nodded and took his hand, leading him to the kitchen. The kids were already gathered there, some still clad in their outside clothes (Wooyoung, San and Mingi) while some were already showered and wearing pyjamas (Yeosang, Jongho and Yunho). They sat down at the counter between Yeosang and Mingi. The younger members looked worried but they didn’t pry. Instead they chose to coo at the oversized hoodie he was wearing (Yunho looked way too smug in Hongjoong’s opinion but nobody asked him) but were quickly distracted as Wooyoung brought over the pots full of delicious smelling food. Under his watchful eyes Hongjoong took more soup as he originally would have of his own accord but it felt so good on his throat he didn’t mind so much that it felt a bit too heavy in his stomach. He swallowed some painkillers and fever reducers with the tea Wooyoung had made for him with ‘extra honey for your throat, hyung’.

“I’m sorry I let you down today, on such short notice even more so”, Hongjoong apologized, cradling the mug close to his chest and inhaling the steam, “tell me what I missed, please.”

“You didn’t let us down, hyung”, San protested quickly, “we got on just fine!”

“Yeah!”, Yunho agreed, “we’re glad you got to rest. Nothing special happened, really. Well, Wooyoungie fell over that one teddy bear prop at the shooting so often that the photographer decided that we didn’t really need it. The pics were hilarious though.”

“Hey!”, Wooyoung protested, trying to tackle Yunho which he should have known with their height difference would be a stupid attempt.

“Hold on, I photographed his camera when he showed us”, Jongho cackled and screamed as he ran away from Wooyoung’s wrath, chasing around the table.

Hongjoong couldn’t help but grin at their antics. On one hand he still felt so damn guilty that he hadn’t been there but he still was glad that they had fun. He just hoped that everything else went well and they didn’t decide to not mention an issue to not stress him out.

“Well, I think it’s time for bed”, Seonghwa declared, breaking up the pretend-fight, as he stood up to clean the table.

“Hyung, it’s only nine”, Yeosang whined.

“Yeah but we have to be at dance practice at six in the morning tomorrow.”

Groans all around the table. Oh, the normality.

⌛

No matter how much he wanted to be fine the next day Hongjoong wasn’t. The headache hadn’t gone anywhere, neither did his cough. His fever was lower at least but he had gained congestion in his whole face, making his head feel stuffy.

Waking up at 05:00 in the morning was already a chore when well but it felt like torture. He hadn’t slept much, most of the night tossing and turning in Seonghwa’s bed, body switching between feeling too hot and too cold every few minutes. His hyung had taken one look at him, the ladder up to his bunk and the already tangled sheets on his own bed from Hongjoong’s earlier naps and had decided they would switch beds for the meantime.

After tossing and turning for most of the night, stifling coughs into the pillow, Hongjoong had fallen asleep somewhere around 03:00 o’clock he thought but it had neither been restorative or long. Still, he had a job to do. So when the alarm rang he got up without any complaints.

Seonghwa, bless his heart, had taken it onto himself to make breakfast and wake the younger members which left Hongjoong with the time to take another hot shower. He didn’t think it was possible but he felt disgustingly sweaty already all while still freezing.

The drive to the company didn’t take that long but it ended with Hongjoong falling asleep on Yeosang’s shoulder nevertheless. He stumbled into the practice room and let the other members set up the sound system while he rested for a few moments. Stretching to warm up normally was just a needed evil but with how much his muscles were aching and how stiff he felt it was torture. He was partnered up with Wooyoung, as they always worked with the members close their height – Mingi and Yunho, Seonghwa and Jongho, Yeosang and San, Wooyoung and Hongjoong – and the younger man seemed to take pity on his hyung. While he normally was loud and chaotic, doing his best to annoy Hongjoong without being disruptive, he was quiet and gently helped Hongjoong and let him slack off when he just couldn’t reach his foot with his hand that morning as his back and chest didn’t let him.

They started off easy but Hongjoong already was falling behind. Every step hurt and he couldn’t for the life of him rap without breaking out in painful coughs. After the third time listening to his coughing and him thus not able to keep up Jongho told him to rest his voice. Hongjoong just nodded, defeated. They all knew that Hongjoong needed to rest but with the Award shows so close he couldn’t miss anymore practice as it would affect the whole group to dance with one member less.

Even though he felt like he would collapse any minute Hongjoong managed to hold out until hour three of practice. He didn’t quite know how it happened but he ended up dizzy and stumbling into San, the taller man only just able to keep both of them from face-planting. After that Hongjoong was graduated to watching by Seonghwa (“I’m still your hyung, Hongjoongie, and you need rest.”) and Yunho (“As dance leader I can decide who dances and who doesn’t, hyung, and you get to sit out. Enjoy it while it lasts.”)

He did manage to nap a bit on the ground, head on his towel and when he woke up everybody’s jackets covered him. He managed a grateful smile and even had gotten some energy back despite sleeping on the hard ground.

⌛

After another shower they stopped for lunch, Wooyoung and San pushing hot soup at him as they claimed the booth at the window, the only table big enough for all of them. Hongjoong wasn’t sure if he could have swallowed something more solid, his throat hurting from the coughing and the rapping. Once he had eaten about two thirds of the soup he pushed the bowl away and close his eyes. While he wanted to pretend he was feeling good he just didn’t feel good. He couldn’t muster the energy to plaster a fake smile on his face or act like he normally did. In fact, he craved his members’ comfort, his bed and something to help ease the various aches in his body. If he was truly honest, he longed for his eomma’s hugs. So he found himself cuddling closer to Mingi, the other man immediately wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Do you want to go home, hyung? Or to the doctor’s?”, he asked, looking down. Hongjoong shook his head, fighting the urge to cough. He was comfortable like that, Mingi like a furnace warming his frozen body. He didn’t want his body to move away from the comfort.

“I can’t, we need to prepare”, he mutter hoarsely, voice nearly gone. So he just closed his eyes and dozed again.

⌛

“Joongie, wake up”, somebody said and he opened his eyes to find their lead-manager kneel in front of him. “What’s going on?”, he asked sleepily.

“I’d like you to get checked out by a medic before your English lessons”, the manager said. Hongjoong looked around to find that his members were gone while he was still asleep on the bench in the cantina.

“Where are the others?”, he questioned, confused. “Seonghwa-yah, Mingi-yah and Jongho-yah went to record something for Eden; Wooyoungie, Sannie and Yunho-yah wanted to work on new choreographies and Yeosang is recording for ‘The Show’.”

“Right. What time’s it?”, he asked next. “13:40”, the manager answered.

“Well, I have English lesson in five minutes, so I have to get going”, Hongjoong mumbled, nausea from lunch and at the thought of the unfriendly teacher curling in his stomach. He hadn’t dreaded anything more than the lessons in a long time.

“Nuh-uh, you’re not getting out of the medic’s clutches, young man”, the lead-manager said sternly but fondly, “your health is more important than your English right now. You’re already really fluent and have you heard yourself? You sound like you swallowed glass.”

Truthfully Hongjoong felt like it too but he really didn’t want to get in the teachers bad graces, well, more than he already was. “Can’t I go later?” he asked.

“You have that photoshoot later, after you missed it yesterday.” Shit. Right. Hongjoong had totally forgotten about that. “Now, drink your water and we’ll go to the medics.”

⌛

Half an hour later Hongjoong was standing in front of the door to the English lesson room. He was half an hour late, so he seriously considered running and ditching the lesson altogether. At least he couldn’t get scolded if he wasn’t there. To make things worse, while he had gotten a slip from the medic for complete vocal rest he knew it was useless. The teacher wouldn’t let it slide despite not talking was doctors orders. He desperately wished the manager had come with him but his hyung had to answer some mails or something.

Hesitantly he raised his hand and knocked. His hand shook as he pushed down the handle and entered. The teacher was already glaring at him, the members behind her looking scared for their leader.

“Ah, Mr. Kim have you finally decided to grace us mere mortals with your presence?”, she sneered. Hongjoong fell into a deep bow, again. “I’m sorry, teacher-nim, but…”, he rasped, voice nearly gone. Still she didn’t care and stepped closer to him till she was standing directly before him. It was moments like this that Hongjoong really cursed his height. He normally didn’t mind being the shortest member but even the teacher was taller than him. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. You already disrespected me too much. I thought you had learned after last time but you can’t do anything right, can you? Not even write your own name in English when I specifically ask for a text in the language? Is that so hard?” Hongjoong tried to remember what she meant but his tired mind didn’t know what she was referring to. So he just settled for trying to apologize for whatever he did wrong.

“I’m …”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure you are very sorry. You can show it to me by staying back and writing a proper apology after class. Or does his highness have a more important schedule?”

Hongjoong swallowed down frustrated tears. He knew he had to leave directly, technically even a bit early, to be on time for the photoshoot but he couldn’t talk back to her. He didn’t have the energy and the courage. He hated himself for it. He shook his head.

“Sit down then and don’t disrupt the lesson again.” He nodded and walked to his seat, head bowed down so he didn’t have to face his members and they didn’t have to see their cowardly leader. He ignored the hand Seonghwa placed on his arm in a comforting gesture as he slipped past him and sunk down on his own chair, despite desperately wanting to sit on Yeosang’s empty one closer to the others. He didn’t think the teacher would appreciate that.

He managed to keep a low profile during the lesson even keeping quiet when the teacher started berating poor Mingi for a minor mistake. It was like he was paralyzed by fear and he didn’t want to get targeted again. Him being her victim was miles better than his Mingi but no matter how much he willed himself to speak up, stand up, do something – his body wouldn’t move. He didn’t dare look at his younger brother, able to hear the tears in his voice. He would speak to the lead manager he promised himself.

Finally the lesson was over and he stayed back, body taunt from apprehension. “You’re a lucky one, Mr. Kim”, the teacher said, standing in front of his table. He didn’t look up, the tone of her voice obvious that she didn’t mean it in the slightest. She continued undisturbed. “I have an appointment right now but don’t think that means you’re getting off easy. I expect you to write another apology letter to me till tomorrow. Five pages, perfect English. For every mistake you make you will stay behind one minute tomorrow. Understood?”

Hongjoong nodded.

“You will talk to me if I speak to you”, she said, smacking her hand on the table.

“Yes, teacher-nim. I’m sorry, teacher-nim”, Hongjoong mumbled.

Without another word she left, switching off the light and slamming the door behind her. Hongjoong was left alone in the sudden darkness and he couldn’t help the tears bubbling over. He laid his head on the table and sobbed.

⌛

The lead manager didn’t look happy when Hongjoong arrived nearly twenty minutes late at their meeting point in the lobby. He had washed his face, trying to look like he hadn’t cried but when he had seen himself in the mirror he had burst into sobs again. The sobbing and the coughing, combined with the left over nausea from lunch and his nerves had tipped over the edge, leaving him clutching the toilet seat for quite some time before he found the strength to get up, the last nutrition in his body having splattered into the toilet water below him.

“Hongjoongie, you are late. I was worried”, the manager said. “What happened?”

For a moment there was nothing Hongjoong wanted more than to fall into his hyungs chest and cry, telling him about the teacher and how bad he felt. But he couldn’t. “I’m sorry, hyung”, he whispered, throat constricting and he doubled over, coughing. God, his chest hurt.

“Ah, Hongjoongie, don’t talk”, the manager admonished, “we need to get going to the photoshoot, they are surely already waiting for us. Come on.” He wrapped and arm around Hongjoong’s waist and led him to the car.

Hongjoong let the photoshoot pass by him without contributing much. The manager had smoothly excused their tardiness with bad traffic – not unlikely at the time of day in Seoul. The photoshoot staff were very nice people, they knew he was sick and they didn’t mind having the manager talk for him. They had incredible patience when they had to take frequent breaks as Hongjoong had to cough and they saw that the light from the lamps directly next and in front of him bothered him so they turned them off in breaks. A make-up noonas was always there to wipe the sweat from his face and reapply the make-up; she already had been careful to apply nothing to close to his hurting eyes. Somebody handed him water bottles to sooth his throat and at one point he even received some hot tea. Hongjoong was so grateful to all of them that he nearly cried when he couldn’t even properly thank them, the manager talking for him.

⌛

When he arrived back at the dorms it was already evening and he longed for nothing more than his bed. Yeosang was back from his shooting and the members were all gathered at the dinner table, when he unlocked the front door. Hongjoong let himself be moved to the kitchen table, barely able to swallow the stew Wooyoung and Seonghwa had made specially for him. Mingi pushed some pills at him, Jongho sticking close to Hongjoong’s side and letting him use his phone to communicate with them. Yunho moved him to the bathroom and he took a hot shower before collapsing on his bed.

He looked up at a knock on the door, not wanting to deal with whatever was going on but San just smiled widely at him and showed him the hair dryer he held in his hands. “You shouldn’t sleep with wet hair, hyung”, he said, “considering you’re already sick.” Hongjoong nodded and reached out for the appliance but San just made him lay on his stomach, and dried his hair, asking every few minutes if it was too hot. Hongjoong let him do as he pleased, nearly boneless for exhaustion. His eyes fell shut and he didn’t even notice San rearranging the covers on top of him.

⌛

Hongjoong woke up hours later, soaked in sweat and panting from the nightmare he didn’t remember upon waking. He coughed, the sound wet and disgusting, and he stumbled out of the room only focused on not waking Seonghwa. The older man needed his sleep. Once his breathing had calmed down he walked to the kitchen to get himself some water. The oven clock showed him that it was rather early, just past two o’clock. He had plenty of time to get some more rest before practice and English lessons tomorrow.

Shit. He had completely forgotten about the English lesson. He still had to write that apology letter. He stumbled into the living room to grab a notebook and a pen and sunk down on a kitchen chair to get it over with. Writing on a laptop would be much faster but he knew the teacher wanted them to practice more natural writing in the foreign alphabet. He stared at the blank page, nervously fiddling with the pen. He had no idea how he was going to write five pages on something that wasn’t even technically his fault. He hadn’t chosen to be sick at this time but that didn’t matter to the teacher. With a sigh that triggered another cough he started to write.

Twenty minutes late he had managed to formulate four sentences. Four. This was not going well.

His head was swimming from pain and without his glasses he was barely able to read what he had written. He didn’t dare get them from his room, not wanting to accidentally wake Seonghwa. Resting his head on one hand, he tried to focus but the only thing he could focus on was the pain in his chest, and head and the sweat running down his back even though he was freezing.

Another ten minutes later he was startled from light dozing by footsteps. When he turned around he was faced with a sleep-tousled Seonghwa who despite looking only half-awake was looking better than Hongjoong had ever felt.

“Joongie, sweetheart, what are you doing? No, don’t talk, just write”, Seonghwa asked, wiping at his eyes.

I still have to write five pages of an apology to our English teacher. Hongjoong scribbled onto a free page in the book, too tired to lie and seeing no point in it. Did I wake you?

“Nah, I was awake. I thought you maybe got yourself tea or something but when you didn’t return I got worried. Why are you writing now?”

Hongjoong ran his hand over his face. Damn Seonghwa asking the real questions.

She wants it tomorrow. I have no time to do it other than now. I didn’t mean to fall asleep so early.

“Jesus Christ, that woman!”, Seonghwa whisper-yelled, “I can’t believe it. Joongie, this whole apology is stupid, you know that. She is only using you for her amusement or some shit. You didn’t do anything to warrant an apology. If you don’t complain to the manager about her tomorrow morning, I will. The way she treats us, that isn’t right. You’re sick, you can’t help it and a doctor’s appointment is more important than English. Poor Mingi was even crying because she was so rude about a spelling mistake – hell, we checked it later and realized it was technically right just British English instead of American.”

“I’m sorry”, Hongjoong burst out, suddenly emotional and unable to keep quiet. He should have done better, he should have stepped up to his duties earlier. “I’m sorry. I should have talked to the manager before the kids got hurt. I didn’t think she would focus on them instead of me. I’m such a terrible leader, I was so tired but I should have taken steps to protect you all. I should have stood up for Mingi, for all of you and I didn’t. I’m sorry.” Suddenly he was crying into Seonghwa’s chest, the taller man wrapping him in a tight embrace.

“Sssh, sweetheart, calm down”, Seonghwa whispered, “it’s not what I meant at all, you know that. You are tired, over-worked and sick. All of us could have talked to the manager before but we didn’t because we too are stressed and sometimes enduring is easier. Please, calm down, Joongie, I am not blaming you. Nobody is blaming you. Mingi isn’t blaming you. He knows that she was in the wrong, he didn’t get hurt. Just take a deep breath and don’t speak.”

Hongjoong tried to follow Seonghwa’s steady breathing and clutched him tighter, fists curling into the back of his best friend’s sleep clothes. He managed to calm down, hiccupping and coughing on occasion. Seonghwa ran a gentle hand through his hair, till Hongjoong pulled away, not wanting to get more snot and tears on his sleep shirt.

He was given a tissue and a cup of water, then Seonghwa rested his hand on Hongjoong’s forehead. It was deliciously cool, his head the only thing warm in his body, and he sunk into the touch. “Joongie, I’m going to get the thermometer again, you are red-hot.”

He freed himself from Hongjoong’s grip on his shirt and returned a few moments later with the forehead thermometer they had gotten during quarantine.

“No wonder you don’t feel good”, Seonghwa said emphatically and showed him the reading. “39.3°C is way too high. I’m going to call manager-hyung in the morning, this is way above the 38.2°C were allowed to work with. For now you can take more fever reducers, pain pills, and then sleep, I’ll take care of that English teacher.”

Thank you, Hwa. Hongjoong wrote, feeling so deeply thankful for his hyung yet he couldn’t put it in other, more profound words. “Let’s get you back to bed, I’ll bring you the pills.” To Hongjoong’s surprise he was lifted into the air. He thought about protesting but he didn’t feel like walking and being held tightly against Seonghwa’s chest made him feel safe and cared for – which he craved more than anything right now. So he let himself be carried all the way to the bedroom and laid on Seonghwa’s bed.

“Your sheets are soaked with sweat, I’ll get new ones.”

Hongjoong felt his eyes flutter close, barely waking up again to swallow the pills. He didn’t stay awake long enough to notice Seonghwa covering him with fresh blankets.

⌛

The next morning he was woken up by the sun shining in his face. That seemed wrong. He didn’t hear anything from inside the apartment, so he jumped from the bed, obviously having overslept. Why had nobody woken him? Wanting to get ready as fast as possible he slid into the kitchen, nearly falling as a cough and a headrush made him lose his balance for a second.

He found the lead manager chilling on their sofa, reading something on his phone. “Hyung?”, Hongjoong asked confused, voice raspy.

“Ah, Hongjoong-ah”, the manager said and turned around. “You’re awake. Don’t talk. I know you probably are confused. You’re schedules except dance practice are cancelled. You need to rest your body and your voice. If you didn’t have to be at Award shows in three days I would ban you from dance practice too. Now, please take your pills and rest either here on the couch or back in your bed.”

Defeated, Hongjoong nodded.

He let the manager-hyung bring him pills, oatmeal and tea and after he had taken the medicine, he curled up on the couch with his head in the manager’s lap. The manager rubbed a warm hand over his shoulder as they switched through TV programs and held him as coughs shook his body. Soon enough he drifted off to sleep again.

⌛

He dozed on and off all day, his manager only waking him for drinks, food and medication. By evening he felt a bit better, though he was still running a fever and was incredibly restless. He was sitting up on the couch, kicking his legs at nothing just to keep himself occupied, when Seonghwa and the kids entered the apartment, followed by…

“Maddox-hyung? Eden-hyung?”, Hongjoong burst out, forgetting momentarily that he was on vocal rest. The manager shushed him and handed him the notepad they had used all day to communicate as his mentors sat down on either side of him.

“How are you feeling, Hongjoong-ah?”, Eden asked. Hongjoong shrugged and wrote his answer on the paper with a slightly shaking hand. I’m okay. Throat and head hurt and still got a fever but I’m getting there. What are you doing here?

“We wanted to check on our favourite dongsaeng”, Maddox said, squeezing Hongjoong’s hand. Hongjoong felt himself flush. He really did love the attention he was getting from his hyungs most of the time and today it felt like balm on his soul. He normally only allowed himself to act more like himself instead of an older, responsible version of himself when he was around them. He was the maknae in his family and in his previous friend groups, taking on the role of hyung had been very unnatural to him at first. He had liked it though and not wanting to let his team down he had never acted on his more carefree instincts. But as he grew closer to his Maddox-hyung and Edenary-hyungs he let himself act more cute and younger, craving the attention he normally only gave not received (except sometimes from Seonghwa and the managers).

Thank you both so much. I’m sure I’ll be fine for the Awards.

“You know it’s okay if you’re not okay, right, Hongjoong-ah?”, Maddox asked, turning to look at him with worry in his eyes. “You don’t always have to be the strong leader. We wanted to give you the opportunity to come to us with your problems but I guess we should have made that clearer.”

Oh. Hongjoong didn’t know how to react. Sure, Maddox and Eden often checked in on him in his studio but he never realized they wanted him to come to them with his problems. He had never even entertained the thoughts of going to them with his struggles.

Eden gave him a tight smile. “I thought something was going on, next to you being stressed about the Awards shows and your whole schedule itself. Well, Seonghwa threw a fit this morning when he saw your English teacher in the halls this morning, Jongho was barely able to keep him from punching her. Seonghwa then told us how she treated all of you. That’s why you were crying in your studio that night, right?”

Oh. Oh.

“Well, you should definitely talk with your members about the situation at some point but we wanted to let you know that you could come to us too, if you didn’t want to talk to them. It’s hard being a hyung sometimes, isn’t it?”, Maddox mumbled, running a hand through Hongjoong’s hair which he was sure was disgustingly sweaty.

Hongjoong nodded, biting his lip. It sure was difficult being a hyung and a leader, responsible for people who were practically your own age. Sometimes it felt ridiculous to Hongjoong how everybody expected the older members of groups to be the most responsible ones. He was barely older than Yunho and he had a totally different role than him in the group, no matter his leader status. And Jongho most certainly could have been the responsible leader of ATEEZ if he was older and he had started training at KQ earlier. It was weird how they were treated so differently, having seen so many different friendship relationships on international TV which dynamics were more natural to the personalities of the people and not their age.

“Joongie, you in there?”, Maddox asked, shaking his shoulder. Hongjoong blinked, realising he must have spaced out. He nodded.

Thank you both, I appreciate your words so much. I promise I will be better.

Hongjoong sighed, not really wanting to keep thinking about all of what he was told and decided to switch the theme of their conversation.

Are you staying for dinner?

Luckily, both his hyungs let the sentimentalities drop.

Since the space in the kitchen was rather limited, they all gathered in the living room. Some spread over the furniture, some sitting on pillows on the floor. Only Seonghwa seemed a bit bothered by it all, probably scared for the couch cushions if anybody made a mess. It was a nice, relaxed affair. Hongjoong stayed on the couch next to Eden and Maddox, letting his hyungs feed him some rice which still didn’t feel great on his throat but was manageable.

The managers had send them to bed soon after they were finished eating. He was asked to switch beds with Mingi so that he kept his germs to himself and so that Seonghwa could sleep that night. He knew that they were worried, hell everybody was worried and that included himself, but they all needed to be at top condition for these shows. Since Hongjoong was already obviously lacking, they couldn’t risk Seonghwa being sleep-deprived. It was a fucked up mentality but such was the reality of being a K-Pop Idol, he guessed.

Two days to the first Award show, he would be fine.

⌛

“It’s the last Award show, I will be fine, it’s just one more day”, Hongjoong mumbled to himself as stared into his reflection in the bathroom at the venue they were at. Sadly, he had seriously underestimated his illness. While he had been fine to perform at the first Award show, being fever-free that morning, he had been burning up again after the performance. The past two days full of shows had been the same – first he was fine then afterwards or during the end of it he was barely holding on. He just needed to make it through today and then he was free to rest for a whole week, promised by the CEO personally.

Luckily, he was alone in the bathroom so he was free to cough up his lungs – at least it felt like that. He was exhausted to the bone from show after show, and his cough had gotten so much worse again. He barely slept at night, the cough and a dull pain in his chest keeping him awake.

He splashed some water in his face and turned around to walk back to their dressing room, hoping that the make-up noonas could make him look more alive. Pale face and red spots of fever on his cheeks with dry lips and glossy eyes weren’t the style their concept was going for.

⌛

“You good, hyung?”, Yunho asked as he pushed open the door. He nodded and sank down on the couch to wait with him for their turns in the make-up chair. At the moment it was Jongho’s and Yeosang’s turns while San and Seonghwa were already done. Hongjoong and Yunho would be next, while Mingi and Wooyoung got their hair and clothes fixed. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the hard backrest.

“Joongie”, Seonghwa whispered and shook him, “it’s your turn.” Hongjoong opened his eyes to see he had slipped to lean against Yunho in his sleep while Seonghwa was crouched in front of them. “Drink something.” Yunho held out a bottle and Hongjoong, desperate to get his throat to cooperate for at least two stages, please just two or three more stages, took a big sip.

Big sip, big mistake. Just as he was about to swallow his body surprised him with a cough and he half-swallowed the water and half-spat it out on his lap. Then the cough wouldn’t stop. He wheezed, leaning forward as he was robbed of precious oxygen and his lungs felt like they were tearing apart. Seonghwa was saying something and Yunho handed him a towel, which Hongjoong pressed against his mouth to muffle the loudness and violence of his body’s torture. It was bad enough that his members heard him coughing this badly but he was sure some of the hyungs and noonas were watching on – in worry probably but still.

Suddenly, without much warning, his stomach muscles contracted from the force of it all and he felt the water he had swallowed burn in his throat. Retching harshly, he spat out the water and bile and whatever else he had in his stomach into the towel. He gagged from the taste and disgustingness of the oatmeal-like substance (his stomach turned at the thought) in the towel, which triggered actual vomiting. Luckily Seonghwa had caught on quickly and grabbed the trash bin that had stood next to the sofa, holding it under Hongjoong’s chin. Hongjoong dropped the dirty towel in the bin, it really was beyond saving, and tried to regulate his breathing while he helplessly hung his head over the bucket as his stomach spilled from his lips. There wasn’t much coming up, he barely had any appetite obvious as Wooyoung had even tried and failed to bribe him into eating something with sweets this morning. It was a vicious circle: The coughing caused vomiting, the vomiting caused more coughing and it just wouldn’t stop. He was already seeing black spots in his vision, gasping from precious air which his body so cruelly denied him.

It took a few minutes but slowly his body got itself under control and he was able to take in deep breaths. He slowly became aware of a hand rubbing his back and loud, angry voices. He squeezed his eyes shut, scared of what he would see. He didn’t want to let down his members but he already had.

“It’s okay, hyung, just breathe”, Yeosang mumbled. When had he come over? Wasn’t he just getting his make-up done? Hongjoong dared to look up to find himself sandwiched between Jongho and Yeosang, San taking the bucket of disgustingness from his hands. Yunho, Seonghwa and some managers were talking, gesturing wildly and in obvious disagreement. Wooyoung and Mingi were nowhere to be seen.

“Okay?”, Jongho asked, taking Hongjoong’s hand and handing him a tissue. He was confused for a moment but then he realized his vision was blurry from tears. His throat was aching badly, feeling like it was torn open from all the coughing, and combined with the vomiting his eyes had teared up involuntarily.

Belatedly realizing he had forgotten to answer the maknae’s question, he nodded, not willing to speak and hurt his throat more. He looked up as he saw Seonghwa throw his arms in the air in frustration and walk out of the room, clearly trying to calm down without lashing out at anyone. Hongjoong couldn’t help but feel terrible about it, after all he was the reason why everything was not going like planned.

Instead Yunho, who looked tight-lipped and undecided, and a manager-hyung came over. “Hey, feeling better Hongjoong-ah?”, the manager asked. Hongjoong nodded and whispered: “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Do you think you can get through the stages today?”, the manager asked, sounding apologetic, “I know you feel terrible but you need to be on stage in less than an hour and the members don’t have time to re-learn the choreography as seven, especially since you have a lot of middle parts, and we need your rap. I’m sorry that you performing with them or nobody doing it are the only two options.”

Hongjoong felt a shiver run down his spine. He couldn’t make the others, his best friends, loose out on such an opportunity to promote themselves and maybe even win an Award just because he was sick. They had worked so hard for this, he couldn’t be the reason why they never even had a chance. And they couldn’t let down ATINY. He wasn’t sure if he could make it but he would have to.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Hyung, you’re not fine”, Yunho protested, but sounding unsure, “I know we always say ‘8 makes 1 team’ but maybe it’s best if you rest for now. You’ve been sick for close to two weeks, you keep coughing badly and you just threw up.”

“I’ll be fine. You said it: ‘8 makes 1 team’ and I’ll be dead before I let a cold take that away from us, from you”, Hongjoong insisted, “Also I didn’t throw up.”

San looked decidedly unimpressed, having just returned to hear the last part. “I beg your pardon? I just disposed of your stomach contents, are you seriously arguing if you threw up?”

“The coughing triggered it, I wasn’t nauseous or anything”, Hongjoong explained trying to stay patient. He couldn’t let his team down further than he already had.

“And I suppose that makes it better?”, Yunho asked, clearly not wanting Hongjoong to answer.

He still did because he was an idiot. “Yes?”

⌛

He was saved by Seonghwa returning, a medic in tow. Hongjoong raised his eyebrow at his hyung but didn’t protest. He would lose anyways. It felt strangely heartwarming that Seonghwa knew that he would insist on performing and instead of futile arguing got somebody to check him out beforehand.

“Hello Hongjoong-ssi”, the medic greeted him and knelt down in front of him. Hongjoong returned the greeting, glad when Yeosang’s hand found his, as he leaned against Jongho tiredly. Sitting up was already so exhausting, he dreaded standing, dancing and singing. Seonghwa had rounded the sofa and ran his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair in a comforting manner. “Seonghwa-ssi said you’re not feeling so well?” Reluctantly Hongjoong nodded.

“I’d like to perform an exam and ask you a few questions, if that is alright with you?”, the woman said and Hongjoong nodded again.

As she asked about his symptoms over the past weeks, the managers made Jongho and Yeosang get up to get dressed, while Yunho had to get his make-up done. San sat down next to him, letting Hongjoong cuddle up and leech of some warmth. The medic made Hongjoong take his shirt off, listening to his lungs and looking very much not pleased. When she was done, San helped him get dressed again and pulled Hongjoong to lie on his lap, while Hongjoong interlocked his hand with Seonghwa’s who still stood behind the sofa. Lying down, well moving itself, hurt especially in his whole chest area.

“To be honest, I wouldn’t recommend that you perform at all, Hongjoong-ssi.” At his panicked look she continued: “However, I have worked with a lot of idols, so I already know you won’t listen to me. I’d like to give you a steroid shot, it will make you feel more awake and energetic and it should help the inflammation.”

Hongjoong nodded in agreement, desperate to feel better even if it was just for a performance. The medic made him lay down on his side and prepared his upper arm for injection. Hongjoong tried to watch, normally feeling better when he saw the needle but right now the sight of the metal entering his skin made him queasy. The injection hurt but it was bearable and then he was ushered into a make-up chair and people started fussing around him.

⌛

He hadn’t thought it was possible but he felt great on stage. The lights were blinding, the music too loud and the dancing making him dizzy but he was so energetic and euphoric for the two stages he nearly forgot he was sick. The other members watched him closely, he knew that, but he shot them reassuring glances. The steroid and the adrenaline were working miracles. Strangely enough he barely remembered the performance once they were done, time flying fast. He held his ending pose, after all he knew he was going to be the ending fairy, trying to look like he wasn’t about to cough. They finally walked off stage, Hongjoong holding his mic away from himself and as soon as he was out of sight from cameras he doubled over, coughing.

A tentative hand appeared on his upper arm, warm and comforting, holding him steady. Seonghwa. He gave a smile as he straightened up and waved of the concern but letting Seonghwa slip his hand into his and lead him to the waiting room. Yet when he was able to sit down on the sofa his energy seemed to vanish at once. His chest started to hurt badly again, especially his left side, and the fever seemed to tease him, making him uncomfortable.

He shifted to lie down, resting his head on someone’s lap. He was too tired to figure out whose it was. Time flew by quick as an airplane, as slow as chewing gum and he was just so uncomfortable. He didn’t have the energy to open his eyes or even ask for a pill for his pain, chest and head feeling like they were about to explode. He was aware of someone holding his hand, squeezing it as he softly coughed barely having enough energy to even do so. He drifted.

⌛

A hand shook his shoulder and he opened his dry eyes to find Yunho looking down at him. “Hyung”, he whispered, “we need to get on stage in ten minutes for the Award presentation. You can just stay here if you want to.” ‘If you can’t get up again’ was left unsaid. Hongjoong shook his head and carefully lifting himself up from Jongho’s lap, as he now recognized. He ignored how his body burned and a sharp pain spread down his left arm. He probably had slept on it.

“Are you sure?”, Jongho asked, voice sounding muffled and far away. Hongjoong nodded and pushed himself up. He swayed nearly immediately, threatening to fall back onto the sofa. Jongho and Yunho grabbed his arms, holding him up. The pain in his chest and arm was nearly blinding.  

“I’m …”. Fine, is what he wanted to say. Suddenly an overwhelming wave of nausea washed over him and he fought off gags. “I’m going to throw up”, he whispered. Then everything went black.

⌛

Seonghwa paced through the waiting room, nothing unusual. He always did when worried, but his worry was not about winning an Award this time but about his captain who was dozing on their maknae’s lap looking pained. The other members hadn’t approached their oldest hyung, neither had the managers. He didn’t want them to. Wooyoung and Mingi were sitting on the ground in a corner. (Damn Award shows not caring enough about hoobae groups to even give them goddamn chairs.) Yunho was sitting on the ground next to the sofa, holding the captain’s hand, while Jongho ran his hand through his hair. San and Yeosang were staring at the screen, trying to distract themselves with other groups’ performances but clearly not at all paying attention, cuddling close.

“Twenty minutes until stage”, a manager called and chaos broke out. Hyungs and noonas swarmed them to touch up make-up and clothes. Seonghwa let them do as they pleased, asking them to leave Yunho, Jongho and Hongjoong alone. They did, worried about Hongjoong themselves. Slowly the staff filtered out until it was only the members left, even the managers switching to a different waiting area. Seonghwa didn’t quite understand why the venue required that, but not caring about it more than necessary, he watch how Yunho tried and failed to gently wake Hongjoong. Only when he touched his shoulder, shaking him carefully, did the captain open his eyes. He seemed sluggish, clearly completely spent and Seonghwa heard Yunho offering one last out. Of course Hongjoong didn’t take it and pushed himself up.

“I’m going to throw up”, had Seonghwa on edge, turning around to search for the trash bin. Then his heart gave a jolt as loud screams were heard. He whirled back around to see Jongho and Yunho lower an unconscious Hongjoong onto the floor. He rushed over, ignoring how his knees stung as he fell.

“Joongie, wake up”, he whispered, patting the captain’s shoulder, practically begging him to wake up. “Get a manager, Wooyoungie”, Yunho ordered. Jongho had his hand on Hongjoong’s throat, trying to feel how bad his pulse was. Suddenly his eyes went wide and he pushed Seonghwa away to hover his head over Hongjoong’s head, watching his chest – which wasn’t moving.

When he uttered his next words, Seonghwa felt his world break and his head got dizzy. “He isn’t breathing.” Yunho looked as shocked as Seonghwa felt and he muttered: “Don’t be ridiculous, Jongho-yah, he’s just got the flu. Nothing more.” He leaned over to check for himself and after a few seconds he paled drastically as he seemed to come to the same conclusion as their maknae.

Jongho looked grim, determined and ordered: “Yunho, breath for him, I’ll do chest compressions. Mingi, find a defibrillator. There was one in the hall, I think. Yeosang, call an ambulance.”

In his hurry to get the words out, Jongho slipped into familiar speech, not caring about formalities. Yunho nodded and tilted Hongjoong’s head back exactly as they had learned in the first aid course they had done a few weeks back. Jongho had already started to pound on Hongjoong’s chest, counting steadily. Yeosang and Mingi ran away, the former to the table where their phones were stored and the latter out the door.

Seonghwa shook his head wildly. This was wrong, Jongho doing he same motions as they had done on that creepy plastic puppet on Hongjoong. Hongjoong was just sick, a stubborn flu. Nothing more. Certainly not de … not in need of reviving.

In a fit of hot anger (why were they doing this when Hongjoong just needed to wake up?) he pushed Jongho away, the maknae tumbling to the side, not having expected being attacked. Seonghwa forcefully shook Hongjoong’s shoulder, willing him to just wake up and laugh at their worried expressions. Telling them they were exaggerating.

“Joongie, wake up, wake up!”, he yelled, fear gripping his chest as the smaller man just lifelessly lolled in his grip. Suddenly strong arms wrapped around his chest as he was pulled backwards. He thrashed in the hold, not caring if he hurt the person pulling him away from his captain.

“Seonghwa-hyung, stop”, San ordered at his ear, voice firm but somehow simultaneously shaky. “Let them work. Hongjoong-hyung needs help and you’re in no state to help him.” Feeling like all his strings were cut, Seonghwa fell backwards against him, not able to hold himself up.

“He can’t be dead”, Seonghwa whispered brokenly as he watched his dongsaengs push life into their captain. San silently jerked behind him but pulled Seonghwa closer. Suddenly not able to stomach the sight anymore, Seonghwa turned around to bury his face in San’s chest.

⌛

Later he would feel so incredibly proud of how his dongsaengs had handled the situation and ashamed how he hadn’t handled the situation but for now he could only look away as his best friend laid lifeless on the ground.

Seonghwa jumped at the loud bang as the door was shoved open and looked up to see Mingi, holding the defibrillator in his hands, bursting inside, followed by Wooyoung and two managers, all of them frantic. They all fell down on their knees next to them, the managers taking over for the members to pump life into the small body on the ground, seeing how Yunho and Jongho must be exhausted from the show already. Mingi and Wooyoung started fiddling with the defibrillator. Numb to the core, Seonghwa watched how they tore open Hongjoong’s stage outfit, exposing his chest which wasn’t rising or falling, his heart not beating inside. Wooyoung quickly shaved Hongjoong’s chest for good measure, and Mingi placed the electrodes on his bare skin while Jongho told him how according to the explanation. The voice of a woman gave instructions, coming automatically from the instrument.

He wasn’t able to tell how often the circle between electric shocks and continued life-saving measures were taken until finally there was a gasp and Hongjoong, though unconscious, coughed. There were cries and fast words and they turned Hongjoong on his side.

Paramedics burst in, lead by Yeosang who Seonghwa hadn’t even noticed had left to lead them to the room. He blinked and Hongjoong was laid on the stretcher, a breathing mask on his face, as they wheeled him out. A manager followed them and then Wooyoung ran up to him, clutching the managers hand and begging. Soon after they ran after the paramedics.

⌛

Seonghwa turned his attention to the other members, seeing them like there was a veil distancing him from them. San was still clutching Seonghwa, body jerking with what he now recognized as sobs. Yeosang stood in the middle of the room, looking lost. Mingi sat on the ground gasping for breath, hyperventilating, a manager holding him and rubbing his back. Yunho sat pale, staring at nothing, one hand faintly touching his lips that were just breathing life into his hyung and his whole body shaking. Jongho had slumped over, staring blankly at the door where their hyung had disappeared, holding Yunho’s other hand.

For a moment nothing happened, they all still and trying to process what happened. The spell was broken as Jongho jumped up, nearly loosing his balance and falling, then running over to the side of the room where he doubled over and threw up, the shock of the events getting to him.

The manager patted Mingi’s shoulder and got up to check on the maknae. Seonghwa blinked again and the room was crowded by their other managers and staff, all looking pale. Yunho was still shaking from head to toe, looking so unlike himself it hurt. Mingi was still hyperventilating and a manager-noona trying to get him to calm down. Instead the giant man slumped into himself, passed out from his panic. Seonghwa watched he was laid down, his position resembling Hongjoong so much that Seonghwa had to swallow and turn his gaze away. San was still crying; a stylist-noona offering Jongho a bottle of water and a towel; the first manager now trying to get a completely dissociated Yeosang to react.

“Can we go to the hospital?”, Seonghwa rasped, surprising even himself. The manager-noona looked up and nodded. Slowly they got up and like magnets were drawn to each other. San and Yeosang clutched each other, Mingi and Yunho were holding hands. A manager had wrapped an arm around Jongho’s shoulder. Seonghwa’s hand felt strangely empty. They filtered out of the room, one after another. The hallways were full of people, though Seonghwa couldn’t recognize them in his daze and not caring to do so. At one point he thought someone spoke to him but he had no strength to check who. They reached the van and entered. Seonghwa ended up on one the lone seats; Yeosang, San and Jongho cuddled up in the back, Yunho and Mingi over the aisle from Seonghwa. Two manager-noonas filled the empty seats belonging to Hongjoong and Wooyoung.

⌛

A tense silence filled the normally so full of life van. Seonghwa remembered the drive to the show, all of them laughing and happy, joking about Hongjoong who was snoring loudly on Mingi’s shoulder. The journey seemed to take forever – street lights, houses, other cars passing by in an endless circle.

The managers brought them into the hospital via a secret entrance once they arrived. Seonghwa didn’t know where to look. Everything was so white and sterile, stainless steel glaring at them, ceiling lights too harsh on the eyes. They were ushered into a small waiting room, where Wooyoung and the manager-hyung were waiting for them. Wooyoung immediately ran to San and Yeosang, sobbing into their three-way embrace. The others slowly sat down, eyes flickering from side to side. Yunho, who had contained his shaking to his hands was walking around, touching them, trying to be close but often enough drifting towards Mingi who was cuddled up to a manager. Jongho still looked incredibly pale, a plastic bag clutched in his hands.

“I don’t understand”, the maknae finally whispered, “hyung only had the flu. Why would he …?” He broke off, not needing to say the words. Why would he die?

The manager-hyung who had gone to the hospital with Hongjoong and Wooyoung sighed and replied: “The paramedics suspect that due to overwork while he was already sick he developed myocarditis – an inflammation in his heart. His heartbeat was still very bad when he last saw him – he was having a lot of irregular beats. They think that caused the sudden cardiac death.”

It was then that Seonghwa broke. He was sobbing and crying, heart aching so badly he thought it would tear in two. Hongjoong, his best friend, his captain, had been dead. Had suffered from freaking cardiac death. He tried to get in a breath but he couldn’t. It was like he was suffocating himself. Voices washed over him, hands touching him. He panicked further – he couldn’t be touched – wildly thrashing around.

⌛

When he finally regained his senses he was lying on a couch somewhere – someone holding his hand. “Seonghwa-yah?”, a female voice whispered and he turned to find a manager-noona kneeling next to him. “Are you with me?”

He nodded shakily, head aching. “What happened?”

“You had a very bad panic attack – the doctors had to sedate you to keep you from hurting yourself and the others in your panic. You were asleep for quiet some time.”

“Oh. I don’t remember … what happened to trigger it? I mean, I normally, I don’t…”, he stuttered out, still a bit hazy.

The manager-noona looked away, unable to meet his eyes. Seonghwa felt his chest constrict in panic again but he pushed the feeling down in favour of asking her again.

“Hongjoongie collapsed during the Award show, do you remember that?”, the manager-noona asked.

Seonghwa swore his heart skipped a beat. The memories assaulted his brain, nauseating him. He felt himself start to shake and grasped her hand.

“Joongie … is he alright?”, he gasped.

The manager swallowed. “He’s … alive, so much we know. His parents are on the way. I’m sure we will learn more about his condition soon. Right now, nobody is allowed with him.”

Seonghwa nodded. Hongjoong was alive – it wasn’t the best he had hoped for but it was good enough for now.

“The kids?”, he asked.

“They refused to leave”, the manager said with a tiny smile, obviously fond of them, “Sannie and Mingi-yah were here with you for the past hour but I made them get some air and snacks. Your manager-hyung texted me earlier, the others are okay too. Shaken up but calm. Jongho-yah threw up again and Yunho is still really frazzled but they are taken good care of. Maddox and Eden-oppa came to check on them too.”

“That’s good. Can I see them?”

“Of course.”

⌛

She led him back through white hallways into a slightly familiar room. Gasps all around were heard and suddenly Seonghwa had his arm full of Jongho. “Hey, baby”, he greeted the younger man, relishing in the hold as much as his dongsaeng obviously did.

“Hyung”, Jongho whispered, fisting the back of Seonghwa’s outfit. When he looked around over Jongho’s shoulder as he rocked him from side to side he saw that all of them were still in full stage make-up and costumes. Yeosang, San and Wooyoung were sitting so close together on the couch in the corner that it seemed like they tried to become one person, their make-up destroyed by tears running down their cheeks. Yunho was sleeping in Mingi’s lap, the other man on the phone with maybe his mother. They all looked up at Seonghwa when he entered though, except for Yunho of course. Mingi ended the conversation quickly and put his phone in his pocket.

For a moment Seonghwa wondered where Eden and Maddox were, considering the manager said they had come to check on them, but maybe there was a misunderstanding.

“Hyung, how are you feeling?”, Yeosang asked, voice small. With a pang in his chest Seonghwa realized that the poor man suddenly had been the oldest in the room and sort of in charge with Seonghwa and Yunho asleep and Hongjoong…

“I’m okay, just exhausted. I’m sorry I left you alone”, he apologized. “Don’t”, Jongho whispered, “Hongjoong-hyung is your best friend, of course you couldn’t keep it together. It’s okay.”

“Thank you, Jongho”, Seonghwa whispered back. “How are you all holding up?”

He took Jongho’s hand, as the maknae seemed reluctant to let go of him and let both of them to the chairs across from Mingi and Yunho, in a ninety degree angle to WooSanSang.

He wanted to know how the others were feeling so he could at least from now on act like a hyung and the first step was knowing where the members heads were at. He nodded at Jongho to begin, the maknae being so unlike himself.

“I don’t think I have ever been so scared in my life”, Jongho admitted. “I keep asking myself why we didn’t notice that something was wrong earlier. ”

“You couldn’t have known”, a manager said, listening in to keep track of his charges emotions and to calm them down. It helped Seonghwa immensely that he wasn’t solely responsible for the lot right now. “Don’t blame yourself.”

Seonghwa nodded in encouragement and pulled Jongho even closer.

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget the fear when I first realized he wasn’t breathing. I literally mimicked being his heart. I … I don’t … I’m scared to close my eyes and see it again.”

“Thank you for sharing that with us, baby”, San said and squeezed the maknae’s arm. “You did really well. I’m so proud of you, we’re all so proud of you. You were really brave.”

Jongho bit his lip. “It doesn’t feel like it.”

“It never does, I think”, Yeosang added.

“Can we … can we focus on somebody else for now? I think I need to not be focused on myself for the time being”, Jongho said.

“I keep seeing him collapse in my mind”, San said immediately, voice quiet, “I heard him say that he was feeling sick and I turned to check on him.” He hesitated, swallowing. They let him gather himself before he kept speaking. “I don’t want that to be his last words.”

For a moment Seonghwa couldn’t breathe. He vividly remembered a sleepless night shortly after they had debuted. He and Hongjoong had been curled up on Seonghwa’s bed together, sharing secrets and deep talks. At one point they had talked about what they wanted to be their last words. While Seonghwa had to think about it, Hongjoong had an answer ready: ‘8 makes 1 team’.

“They won’t be, they got him back, you all got him back”, the manager interjected. “He’s alive, we just need to wait how he will recover.”

If he recovers. Seonghwa was no medical expert but he knew well enough that Hongjoong’s brain hadn’t gotten enough oxygen while he wasn’t breathing on his own. There could be lasting damages from that. Never mind the inflammation of his heart or his flu itself. They all knew that.

They all kept quiet for a moment before Yeosang spoke. “I keep hearing him talk to Yunho fighting to perform. He said: ‘8 makes 1 team’ and I’ll be dead before I let a cold take that away from us, from you.’ And ...”

He couldn’t finish his sentence, instead Yeosang started sobbing. Wooyoung pulled him in an embrace, San reaching over him to rub Yeosang’s back.

None of the others continued to speak till he had calmed down a bit, occupied with their own thoughts. Yeosang shook his head at Seonghwa’s questioning glance – there was nothing more he wanted to share.

“My anxiety is really bad”, Mingi said in a trembling voice, keeping his hands occupied with running them through Yunho’s hair, “I already spoke to my therapist, we will speak daily for some time. I can always call her if I need it. I’m really worried about Yunho – he’s in a bad mental state.”

“Don’t hesitate to take a break if you need it”, Seonghwa said and Mingi nodded. They both were aware that Mingi wouldn’t take up the offer, needing closeness to the group for now. He added: “Yunho-yah is asleep for now, it’s probably best for him. We’ll see how he is doing when he wakes up. It was a really traumatic experience for him, for all of us. I’m confident we can support each other through it all.” The others nodded in agreement, quiet whispers of reassurance being exchanged.

“I’m angry at myself”, Wooyoung rasped, voice gone from crying. “I just want Hongjoong-hyung to yell at me at least one more time for being too loud. I wish I had been a better dongsaeng, not always making his life harder.”

“Nonsense, Wooyoungie”, Eden interjected. They all turned around to see him, Maddox and two stylist-noonas enter the room, all carrying coffee and food containers. So that’s where they had been. “Hongjoongie, while sometimes exasperated, loves how you can brighten up every room and you most certainly aren’t a bad dongsaeng.”

Wooyoung shrugged, not looking quite convinced but it was something they could work on later, maybe even with a professional.

None of the members were really hungry but they all needed to eat. They hadn’t eaten before the show so their last meal had been an early lunch, now over twelve hours ago. Seonghwa helped distribute the sandwiches and what he realized now was hot chocolate to the members, making a point of eating himself so they would take him as an example. It tasted like nothing in his mouth but he forced himself to swallow.

Mingi was nibbling on his sandwich while still holding onto Yunho, none of them having the heart to make Yunho face reality, so they let him sleep. WooSanSang were eating too, slowly but steadily. Only Jongho wasn’t eating the sandwich Seonghwa had given him.

“Jjong-ah, you need to eat”, Maddox admonished before Seonghwa could, his voice gentle. Thank God for their hyungs. While Eden and Maddox looked as haunted as Seonghwa felt, they were a good help right now.

“I think I’m going to throw up again if I eat anything”, Jongho mumbled, looking decidedly queasy. Seonghwa couldn’t blame him, the sandwich heavy in his stomach.

“Can you at least drink something for us?”, a noona bargained, holding out a water bottle. “You need something in your body.”

Jongho shrugged and accepted the bottle, taking a few cautious sips.

“Joongie’s parents are on their way but it might take them another few hours”, Eden said at one point. “I talked with them briefly, they were on vacation, they try to be as fast as possible.”

⌛

It was morning when they finally got news on Hongjoong. A doctor entered the waiting room, finding only a manager, Seonghwa and Eden awake. The rest of them had succumbed to their exhaustion during the night. Mingi had his head leaning back against the wall, probably meaning that his neck would be stiff when he woke and Yunho was curled up on his lap still. Wooyoung, San and Yeosang were still a pile of human, nobody sure where one ended and the next began. Jongho was asleep on Seonghwa’s lap and Maddox had fallen asleep on Eden’s shoulder.

“How is he?”, Seonghwa whispered.

“I can’t say much for now. He didn’t have another cardiac arrest which is very good. Right now he is in a coma but we don’t know if or when he will wake up.”

“Can we see him?”, Eden asked.

“One of you can come with me”, the doctor said.

“I’ll go”, Seonghwa said and nobody protested. He carefully switched positions with the manager, trying and succeeding in keeping Jongho from waking.

⌛

Seonghwa followed the doctor through the maze of hallways till they arrived in front of a glass door, which was covered by a curtain from the inside. “Don’t be scared”, the doctor said, “he still is hooked up to various machines. You have half an hour, then a nurse will accompany you back.”

Seonghwa nodded and slipped inside, closing the door behind himself. He took a second to just stay with his back to Hongjoong, not ready to see what he would. He turned and just for a moment he forgot to breathe. There Hongjoong was, laying on the hospital bed, his pale face nearly the same colour as the sheets. Carefully Seonghwa stepped closer, afraid to disturb Hongjoong in any way even though it wasn’t really possible. He sucked in a relieved breath when he saw the captain’s chest - though taped with electrodes - rising and falling. He sank down on the chair provided, scared his legs would give way under him if he didn’t sit the next moment. Hongjoong was alive and breathing. He gently grasped Hongjoong’s hand, holding it in his bigger ones and then feeling for a pulse on his wrist. Hongjoong’s heart was beating.

⌛

The next days passed in a blur. Later Seonghwa wasn’t able what happened when.

Hongjoong woke up the evening of the next day though he couldn’t stay awake for more than a few minutes the first days. His parents were there constantly, taking care of their son and also of his friends.

KQ had published an announcement, not telling the fans about Hongjoong’s condition in detail but explaining that he collapsed at the Award show and would be on hiatus for an undetermined time from then on.

The Award show, as Seonghwa learned later, had been stopped – the organizers not wanting people to accuse them of heartlessness if something about an Idol dying backstage and them just continuing as if nothing happened came out. Maddox told him how he nearly had a heart infarction when he they announced that an Idol was taken to hospital and the next second his phone had rang with a panicked CEO telling him that it had been his Hongjoongie.

Seonghwa’s phone blew up after the announcements, many worried Idols checking in on them especially those who had been at the show. Lee Know told him how he had known something terrible must have happened, he had never seen the whole of ATEEZ so out of it when they had passed Stray Kids in the hallway. Soobin explained that he had tried to get Seonghwa to talk to him, worried about what was happening, but how Seonghwa had been completely spaced out. Apparently the whole venue had been in a state of shock after they had heard that an Idol was taken to the hospital by ambulance and that is was severe.

They were contacted later, being told that ATEEZ had automatically won the Award but none of them felt like it was right that they should receive it in a perverse way of receiving an award for working their Idols to the ground.

⌛

Recovery was slow. Hongjoong was released from hospital three weeks after extensive therapy. The doctors said he was lucky, he didn’t suffer from too incapacitating side effects even though his brain had not received enough oxygen for some time. It could have been much worse. In a fit of anger Hongjoong later screamed at his mother who told him the same thing over and over again, then broke down crying. Yes, it could have been worse but the aftereffects were very obvious to everybody who knew him.

The rest of ATEEZ slowly started their schedules again, all of them profiting greatly from the therapy the company had organized for them. Their next album was to be released when Hongjoong was with them again or if it took longer than expected a year after the original release date. Their concerts were all cancelled, none of them really ready to go on stage as seven and they were lucky how understanding ATINY was. Their company took great care to call out any sasaengs who were rude about the whole groups concert hiatus.

During the first three months Hongjoong stayed with his parents but getting constant visits from his members, colleagues and idol friends. He was tired all the time and frustrated with his suddenly terrible short term memory. It got less severe over time but at the beginning Hongjoong was barely able to keep up with conversations, forgetting nearly immediately what he was told. It got better but he still sometimes found himself unable to recall events that happened after … the incident. Yet at some point Hongjoong started to refuse the visits, embarrassed by his inability to keep up though everybody reassured them they didn’t mind repeating things for him.

Then there were the problems with his speech – aphasia, the doctors called it. Hongjoong could think perfectly fine but had trouble translating his thoughts into words. He hated it, afraid he would never be able to talk. He at first tried to occupy himself during boring times with song writing but it wasn’t as easy for him as before. Seonghwa still remembered the heart-crushing phone call he had received late at night with Hongjoong sobbing on the other end of the phone, scared he would never be able to sing or perform again. Funnily enough he had no trouble with his words when singing and rapping when Seonghwa urged him to try but during actual talking or composing his brain failed him.

Hongjoong wanted back his old normal not the new normal people kept talking about. He wanted to compose, he wanted to talk, he wanted to be ATEEZ leader. Seonghwa had unofficially taken over the title while he was out of commission. But the build up frustration of not being able to function like he was used to had Hongjoong tumbled down into the clasps of depressive episodes out of which nobody was able to talk him. He didn’t really see a point in his life if he wasn’t with ATEEZ.

After many tears and conversations, Hongjoong returned to live in the dorm where the members took great care of him, careful to always have a member or at least a manager stay with him. He was then allowed to return to practice and Eden and Maddox let him stay in the studio, composing melodies and later texts (with one of the producers always there to check he wasn’t getting to worked up if he didn’t find the words he was looking for). At first though he was only allowed to work up to two hours a day.

He longed to leave with the rest of his team to go to some concerts in Seoul, longing to be on stage again but afraid to be in the spotlight.

⌛

Slowly, over time, he was able to return to his previous schedules full-time though always closely watched by somebody. Still he struggled, scared of the public’s opinions. At some point his therapist suggested he try to do V-lives with the members, explain his condition to ATINY and get the support from them everybody except him knew he would get.

It took some convincing but six months after the incident they gathered in their dorm and Hongjoong made his first appearance since the Award show. As expected, ATINY showed nothing but support, worried but understanding. Slowly Hongjoong stuttered through an explanation of what had happened, taking care to highlight the dangers of doing sports when sick. When his words failed him, Seonghwa and the younger members didn’t rush him but helped him if he was stuck.

It was hard on Hongjoong, everybody had seen it and he fell asleep against Wooyoung at the end of the live, the excitement taking much out of him. ATINY continued to spam the chats with love-messages, thanking him for his trust in them and wishing him all the best.

When Hongjoong woke up long after the live had ended his eyes shone and he whispered: “It feels like I just conquered the world.”

⌛

Eight months later:

“How do you feel?”, Seonghwa asked, clasping Hongjoong’s hand. The two of them were standing in the tech both above the stadium from where they could see the stage and the seats that were slowly filling up with ATINY. It would be Hongjoong’s first concert since the Award show and Seonghwa wasn’t sure who of them was more nervous.

“Worried. Scared. What if I forget the lyrics?”, Hongjoong whispered, “what if something happens? What if…”

“You worked so hard, sweetheart”, Seonghwa said tenderly, stopping him from working himself up, “you won’t forget. And even if you do, nobody will blame you. Don’t be scared. You’ve come so far and I am so incredibly proud of you.”

Hongjoong squeezed his hand tightly but kept quiet, staring down at the fans.

“They really missed me, hm?”, Hongjoong whispered, a bit choked up. Below them were so so many signs with his name on them. ‘Hongjoong-oppa, we missed you’, ‘Hongjoong, forever you are our star’, ‘Hongjoong, we love you!’, ‘8 makes 1 team’.

“They did, we all did miss you”, Seonghwa responded, reading the signs himself. “It was strange without you on the stage with us.”

“Twenty minutes until stage”, they were told through the in-ears they were already wearing.

“Come on, sweetheart, let’s conquer one more stage together.”

Hongjoong smiled and turned around to the stairs down with one last glance back at ATINY.

“I really missed this.”

Notes: reposted from ao3

Symptoms predating sudden cardiac death might include pain in the chest, radiating to the left arm not unlike a heart attack, and nausea. It is caused by arrhythmia (unregular heart beats in Hongjoong’s case due to the inflammation in the heart).

“Cursive sentences are spoken in English.”

Everything bold is what Hongjoong writes.

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - ATEEZ

[merbear25]

eek! your halloween event is still open so i was wondering if you can do an abandoned hospital setting with vash my loml in a zombie au?? like i just think zombie apocalypses just... fits vash's vibes??? like idk imagine having each other's backs... in a chaotic world. we would talk about our dreams to find a place to settle and become self sufficient... just that us against the world trope... so many thoughts aaa.. thank you in adv!!

- anon 🐸🌻

p.s. i survived internship and its my bday!! i went out with my friend for a ghibli themed and got some chiikawa plushies (more friends for vash,,) over my birthday weekend hehe. Got sick once i reached home though but i elly had tons of fun!! i hope you've been alright!! im so excited for spooky season too since i may do a ghost photoshoot with a friend later this month. manifesting good vibes your way~

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for requesting something for the event, especially with our lovely boy! And happy birthday!! I'm so glad to hear that things are going well for you. 🥺 Hope you like what I've written. 💜🧡

Even with the world being turned upside down, your relationship with Vash helped keep you grounded. In a reality that was voident of love and peace, he remained their unwavering advocate. His attitude was infectious, feeling as though it alone could be the cure this world needed. It was something worth keeping close, even when you feared it was all for not.

CW: SFW, gn!reader, fluff, romantic, some angst, established relationship, mentions of zombies, death, and survival situations

Us against the world (Vash)

The constellations were one of the only parts of life that remained consistent. Simplistic beauty held in their twinkling lights contrasted the horrors they shined down on. Through the change of the seasons, the possibilities of not only coming across the uninfected but keeping them alive became less and less likely, and yet you and Vash continued to overcome the odds. A dear friend, your other half, your one and only: there was no one better suited to have given your heart to.

A nightly activity of stargazing to just forget about the world you were living in became a form of comfort. Knowing there was still so much beauty out there gave you something other than yourselves to live for.

“Do you think we’ll ever be able to fully enjoy life again?” The somber tone, albeit appropriate, still made Vash frown because he didn’t know the answer.

“I hope so… but I know that there are still things to enjoy, even when everything feels like it’s been taken away.” That gentle flow to his words never ceased to soothe your fears. He took your hand in his, giving you a reassuring squeeze.

Keeping your gaze up towards the stars, the chirps of crickets were your only audience that night, letting that sense of peace wash over you. This rooftop had become one of many to be placed over your heads. Never could there be a place to truly call your own; it would be too risky. With the list of each place left behind getting longer, you still held onto the idea that one day you’d finally be able to find one to call your own.

“I’ve been thinking more about our place,” you whispered. “I was thinking that a place up north by the seaside would be nice.”

“The view would be breathtaking.”

“The air would smell so nice.”

“And the sounds of waves…” He trailed off in a dreamy tone. Closing his eyes, he imagined that place with you. The sea salt air on his skin and the sounds of seagulls overhead. “We’ll get there one day.”

Every part of your reality gave you reason not to hold out hope, but whenever you talked about that special place together, determination to continue working against the odds pushed you further. A shared goal to achieve the seemingly impossible—happiness.

The summer nights filled with the applause of rustling leaves had shifted into an echo of creaking bare autumn branches. Chilly weather kept your routine visits to the roughtop minimal. The rest of the world still played by its own rules which meant surviving in a zombie apocalypse was more than just fighting off the undead. The slightest cut could result in deadly consequences if left untreated, but even still there were some injuries that were unavoidable.

Picking the apples from a nearby tree wasn’t any cause for concern. You and Vash had chosen a farmhouse outside of the city to spend the winter. Although the distance came with a bit more security, you couldn’t risk going out alone—your essential lifeline being tethered to your side.

A scream carried over the trees as you fell from the ladder. Acting on the flip of a dime, he dove to try to catch you, but your cries gave away that he wasn’t fast enough. A broken arm—it could have been worse but wasn’t anything to brush off. He rushed you inside the house, placed you on the couch, and went to search for medical supplies.

The medicine cabinet didn’t have any disinfectant, neither did the drawers. Bandages had run out, leaving him no choice but to dress your wound with a clean cloth. How could I have been so reckless? I should have paid more attention to what we had, what we needed…  He cursed at himself silently, not wanting to cause you any further stress.

“I need to make a trip in town.” He stood up after he tended to you. “We don’t have the proper supplies, and if anything were to happen because of that, I–”

“I’ll be fine!” You cut him off. “We can make do with what we have.”

His eyes fell on you, that hopeful look that he cherished so much made his chest tighten at the thought of losing you. “It’s not safe. It could get infected… We’ve even run out of painkillers.”

“I can handle it,” you attempted to lighten the mood.

The solemn smile he gave you made your heart sink. “Even if you can, these are things we can’t go without.” He leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead. “It’s still early. Maybe I’ll be back just after nightfall.”

Leaning into his touch, he stroked your cheek with his thumb, enjoying the warmth of your soft skin beneath him. “Be sure to barricade yourself, while I’m gone.” 

You nodded. Though you had complete faith in him and his abilities to overcome any obstacle thrown his way, that “what if” still dangled above you.

“Come home, okay?”

“I promise.”

The hours passed long since he rode off on the horse. With the sun still hanging in the sky, there was still a chance he’d return around the time he anticipated, but anything could happen and that was what terrified you.

Streets appearing to be barren, the sounds of horse hooves clicking through them, and the threat of a hoard behind every corner: it’d been a long time since he felt this on edge. There was more at stake this time. Failing to return with supplies wouldn’t just mean leaving your break unattended to but leaving you behind entirely. That wasn’t an option.

Slowly, he managed to sneak past and evade some of them. Passing by the pharmacy that had already been cleared out gave him this sense of doubt that this place would be fitting to wait out winter. As he drew nearer to the hospital, there were more of them spaced out in the front. They hadn’t caught sight of him yet, which gave him a slim time frame to tie up his key to escaping. Petting the horse fondly, he promised it that he wouldn’t be long.

Some spotted him as he entered the premises, while others remained oblivious. Sprinting around the back entrance luckily led to an opening for him. With so many already on his heels, he needed some good fortune now more than anything. 

Quick. I can do that. Now wasn’t the time to let his optimistic side falter. This wasn’t the first time he was caught in a sticky situation, and it sure wouldn’t be the last. Rushing down the halls, his feet carried him like a phantom—soft soles of his shoes deafened his steps. Avoiding as many as he could was his best chance at survival. It would be too easy to get swarmed; he’d seen the overwhelming size of their numbers take too many lives.

Skeeting around the corner, he came face to face with a few of them stumbling down the hall, creating a barrier between him and the sought after supplies. Quick motions that were followed by the cracking of skulls and squelches of brains. Although he knew these creatures were absent of humanity and life itself, it never got easier. The blood splattering on the walls and his face were things he hoped would eventually become a distant memory. Until then, he needed to get back to you, needed to protect you, but most of all he wanted to shield you from all of this.

Wishful thinking that left his heart aching at the end, he couldn’t resist his fantasies. Pocketing as much as he could, escaping posed another issue entirely. Those from the back were shuffling their way in, and the front entrance was a risk all on its own. There were too many filing in from where he came, leaving him no other option.

Don’t focus on killing all of them, just get them out of the way. He panted from their numbers closing in. Covering his head he shoved his way past two of them coming up the steps, the velocity of his sprint sent them flying on their open wounded backs.

He couldn’t look back because he wasn’t going to like what he would see. Eyes kept forward, the horse was his main focus. Tying it up far enough to have kept the zombies from catching sight of it was biting him in the ass. Their slow staggers meant nothing if they never got tired. Adrenaline pumping through his veins, the horse needed no direction to take off down the lawn.

Beads of sweat ran down the side of his face and were pressed into his skin from the chilly wind tearing past. Galloping through the streets, he took the long way back home in hopes of steering them clear of the house.

With night falling on the house, you sat at the window on the second floor. Your eyes combed through the trees, so dead set on any sign of him, or worse of unexpected visitors. The clock ticked into the late night, making you dread the worst. Hot tears ran down your cheeks, but you refused to take your attention off of the line of trees at the edge of the property.

Then, there emerged a figure on top of a four legged creature. Your heart felt as if it was going to leap out of your chest. You rushed down to the front porch and waited. The urge to run up and tell him how worried you were had to be suppressed. All the precautions you took in this world extended to every aspect.

As he approached you, he held out the supplies while wearing that boyish smile. “Sorry, I had to take the long way.” Without another thought, you threw yourself into his arms, ignoring any pain that came with it. “Be careful of your arm!”

“I don’t care!” You cried. “Right now holding you is all that I care about.”

His arms wrapped around you tightly, never wanting to let go of you. “I had to come back. We still have to find that place by the sea, remember?”

Your cries were muffled against his chest, but the sadness that accompanied the fear of loss could never overshadow the relief of a returned love.

[hikarry]

What do you mean Spencer missed Hallowen? Sacrilege!

Lil guy over here was actually wearing his best Crowley skin at a party until 3am with his dear brother - whom dressed as a demon himself, which I did not miss the joke on, mind you - some old and new friends and an angel of my own

Oh yeah, I managed to do it. Not exactly the angel I had planned to go with, but an angel nonetheless and, I'm happy to announce, we were not the only angelic&demonic lil pair at the party, or the only bloody Crowley and Aziraphale!

Now, I won't share any pictures my Aziraphale and I took together because the only 2 I have have a bit of a problem: the first one was taken by the worst photographer on the planet (my Aziraphale. She might be a dear, but Jesus Christ-), the second one is not for public eye, but we do have planned on meeting again and probably doing a little Christmas inspired photoshoot, so hopefully the actual photographic proof there works out better

Mind you, I'm a stubborn idiot. We walked to the club and yours truly might or might not almost have broken his nose, being literally saved at least twice by the angel that partnered up with me for the night, pulling me away from stray street lamps, because I refused to take off my shades for "My eyes are not cannot compliant because my contact lenses were delayed in transit and didnt arrive yet" reasons, so i could barely see a meter in front of my own nose.

Long Halloween party story short:

- My Aziraphale got hit on by one of my friends because apparently I inspire no fear on these God forsaken people

- I quickly figured out Crowley does not wear that ridiculous lil tie for style, but for "Being Dragged Around By The Angel Like a Bloody Dog" reasons

- I did end up finding 4 other Crowleys (a gorgeous one escaping the cliché the 4 other copies fell into and actually choosing Eden Crowley and, my man, all the kudos to her. Not only were her wings absolutely gorgeous, but they MOVED) and we absolutely ganged up together for most of the night

- I learned that one should never try and recreate the Apology Dance while wearing slippery shoes on a floor sticky with alcohol, at risk of breaking a bloody leg (not me. Did give me a good laugh, tho)

- A really cool guy with a Tenth Doctor costume joined the Crowley gang at some point and kept paying for free beers for the rest of us which <3 I will never forget you, random fellow David Tennant fan whose name I don't recall

- Most songs were, as predicted, spooky themed, Brazilian funk or portuguese romantic/folk, which can be fun, don't mind me, but they did play Under Pressure almost at the end of the night and the 3 remaining Crowleys - yours truly included - may or may not have completely butchered the song, trying to "sing" (I would call it yell, if we are being realistic) as loudly as we could and jumping through the whole "Can we give ourselves one more chance?" segment of the song as my Aziraphale and the girlfriend of one of the other Crowleys (wearing that really gorgeous Wednesday Addams black dress she wears for a party in the TVshow, ya know the one) very heavily pretended they didn't know us, but hey: brotherhood amongst demons and what not. If Queen starts playing and one Crowley starts yelling and jumping, the other Crowleys shall yell and jump. It's the law

- Dunnot! I repeat: DUNNOT! Try to pin a taller Aziraphale against a wall when you are a Tiny Crowley because you will end up embarrassing yourself

All this to say: Good Omens fans are terrifying. We are literally everywhere, and we are all equally bloody sick. Yet, my fellow crazies keep being some of the coolest people I've ever met in my life. I swear, this fandom is the gift that keeps on giving, and I lowkey own my wildest night in 23 years to this silly fandom

Alas, pics? I got some silly selfies i took while getting ready and sent to some of my fellow degenerates

And, as proof of the lighting at the party being absolutely shit:

You cannot imagine how much I enhance the brightness on that damn photo and it was the only one I bothered taking for obvious reasons (yes, at that point my blazer and tie were being carried around by my Aziraphale because they were annoying the fuck out of me and I'm an arsehole that doesn't like to carry shit on his hands and my angel was a sweetheart)

Alas, I said I would do it and I did it

Happy belated Halloween, sweethearts

[whumped-by-glitter]

Day 5: Scream / Captivity / “NO!” Bonus Alt Prompt: Mouth Stitched shut

⚠️ CW: Needles, Piercings, Non-Con Body Mods, Creepy/Intimate Whumper, Nudity (non sexual), Drugging, Mild-Moderate Gore/Horror, Mouth Whump.

Day 4 Here < > Day 6 Here

This is an especially TW heavy entry, feel free to skip it, I will provide a summary of the plot important parts next time we catch up with Whumpee! some of these themes even squick me out!

Story Under The Cut

Days had passed since the horrific photoshoot. Whumper was true to their word and had provided them with a little food and copious amount of water, as much as they wanted after the session.

Whumpee sat ruminating, sitting against the wall they were once again chained to. A dim spotlight above them was their only source of light. They shifted uncomfortably, trying not put pressure on any of the still healing cuts and bruises that decorated their skin.

They winced at the word ‘decorated’, now they were sounding like Whumper apparently. They had no other word for it though, Whumper had carved an intentional pattern of shallow stabs and deep slashes across their entire body, front, back sides everywhere.

They plunked their head lightly against the wall, the sound echoing through the torture chamber hidden in the darkness ahead of them.

Their stomach rumbled loudly; they had not been fed again since that day. Whumper said it was to ‘keep them pretty for the masterpiece.’ Whumpee shivered at the thought, the person who held them captive was deranged.  They desperately hoped the team would find them before it was too late. Their wounds weren’t healing right, likely due to the stress and lack of food. Many weren’t scabbing over and were oozing a clear watery liquid. If Whumper didn’t do something to kill them first, infection was likely to finish the job, they thought in despair.

All at once there was an echoing thunk-click and the room flooded with harsh light, blinding whumpee.

Whumpee knew this meant Whumper had finished the planning for their ‘masterpiece’. Whumpee cowered as best as they could in the chains, trying to make themselves small, trying to protect themselves from the inevitable pain that they knew was coming.

A knot formed in Whumpee’s stomach when they saw a bag of supplies. The knot grew tighter and tighter as Whumpee watched Whumper unpack the bag. NEEDLES! SO MANY NEEDLES!!! Whumpee started to hyperventilate. They were terrified of needles and there was a table full of the me being unpacked.

“NO! NO! NONONONONO!” whumpee wailed, visibly trembling. Fear was threatening to drown them.

“Oh, come now, sweetheart, we haven’t even started yet,” Whumper chuckled. He finished setting up some paints and strode over to their prisoner. Whumper stroked Whumpee’s face, running his thumb under Whumpee’s eye, across their cheekbone. “before any of that, you need some color,” Whumper said softly, almost lovingly, a tone that made Whumpee feel physically sick.

Whumper proceeded to unchain Whumpee from the wall, not even bothering to handcuff them, they were too weak to fight in any meaningful way. He led them to a St. Andrew’s cross in the corner. Once Whumpee’s hands and feet were secured, they could hear Whumper skipping across the room for a moment before, skipping back to them, humming.

Whumpee craned their neck but before they could look…

Crack!

The noise split their ears seconds before their brain registered the searing pain. Whumpee cried, jerking in their bonds.

More and more lashes came.

Crack! Crack! Crack!

The noise, the fear from the needles, the pain, it all got too much for Whumpee. They soon passed out.

When Whumpee came too, they felt a strange coolness being smeared on their back. It wasn’t unpleasant at first. It soon started to register that It was burning in the fresh whip wounds. Then the smell hit them, paint.

Whumpee tried to weakly struggle, to no avail.

“shhh, shhh,” Whumper crooned, “I’m almost done laying the background, blue looks gorgeous on you sweetheart.” Whumper wiped the access paint off, leaving the pigment just in the wounds, “now baby, its time for the real art.”

Whumpee started to feel panic welling up as they thought of the needles. Their breath quickened as they heard the table be drug closer to the cross. When Whumper unwrapped a needle and brought it to their back, Whumpee lost it.

Everything went black, their body burned, the burning soon became a feeling of being enveloped by white and it traveled up their body, centering at their throat. Whumpee gave a scream, an unnatural scream that shook the room.

Whumper crumpled in pain for a moment, trying to shake the ringing from his ears.

It took what felt like a lifetime to Whumpee for time to move again. ‘what had just happened?’

“My information said you didn’t have any powers!” Whumper growled angerly, storming to the table, grabbing a syringe. “No matter, you won’t be doing that again.” Before Whumpee could react, they felt a stab in their neck and a cool liquid flow into them. It only took a few minutes before they basically collapsed in the restraints.

To Whumpee’s horror, they realized they couldn’t move, at all, they couldn’t talk, they couldn’t even move their head. They started to completely lose their mind; fear coursed through them like a tidal wave. Every cell of their lizard brain was telling them to run, urging them to run, but they couldn’t move. Their tear ducts worked and that’s about it. They wanted to scream again but couldn’t. for the first time in their life Whumpee felt true Terror.

Whumpee felt themselves be detached from the cross and lifted. They were laid across the bench, the same one Whumper had drawn on them with a knife with. Whumpee would have winced if they could, the leather material touching their freshly wounded back stung.

“Now let’s fix that mouth of yours before the drugs wear off,” Wumper almost gleemed. “I wasn’t planning on this, but now the thought is there, this is going to add so much extra dimension!” Whumper was positively giddy. He disappeared for a moment but soon returned, standing over them.

Whumpee expected a gag, or tape, or….. they didn’t exactly know what they expected, but nothing could compare to the horror of what they saw…..

WHUMPER WAS STANDING OVER THEM WITH A NEEDLE AND FUCKING THREAD!!!!

“hold still,” Whumper gave a deranged smile.

The tears flowed freely from Whumpee’s eyes, as they tried to mentally brace them self for what was coming. They could do nothing but watch as Whumper threaded the thick purple thread onto the needle, inches from their face.

Whumper pinched Whumpee’s lips together and in one smooth motion pierced through both their top and bottom lip. Whumpee’s mind was screaming in terror, this couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be real. Maybe this was just one of those sleep paralysis episodes they read about. they tried desperately to think about something else, of Caretaker. Trying to picture every detail of their face, of leader, of everyone.

Pain continued to prick across their lips, the thread burning as it was pulled through. The pulling sensation was causing waves of nausea and despair to wash over them.

They again tried to distract them self. ‘what was youngest doing right now?’ They wondered to them self. It was no use though; the fear gripped their chest hard. Darkness edged their vision then, mercifully took over.

When Whumpee came to again they were on their stomach, they were immediately hit by sharp piercing pains. ‘the needles’ they realized in horror. They felt the skin on their shoulder blades be pinched then pierced through, again and again. Each time it pulled and agitated their lashes. They tried to move but still couldn’t.

“Almost done, my beautiful fallen angel,” Whumper sung. This lunatic was singing!

Whumpee felt more and more needles go into their shoulder blades, being pressed under the skin and out the other side. They started crying again, their lips were throbbing, their back was burning, stinging, and throbbing. ‘this can’t be real.’ They thought weakly, as the prolonged panic was beginning to shift to mental and physical exhaustion.

Whumpee felt themselves be lifted once again. This time they were being carried up the stairs, to their surprise and dread. What was going to happen to them now?

On the way up Whumpee’s head lulled and they were horrified to see rough, distressed feathers sticking out of their back like wings. They began shedding fresh tears anew. They were terrified the team would never find them and that they would just die here with Whumper.

Whumper carried Whumpee through what appeared to be a twisted art museum. He brough them to a huge glass case in the middle of the room. There were cables with hooks hanging from the ceiling, ‘sharp hooks’ Whumpee observed fearfully.

Whumper stripped them of the rest of their clothes then placed their limp, still paralyzed body on the floor in the center of the glass chamber. Whumpee looked on in helpless horror as Whumper lowered the hooks with a button.

The panic whumpee felt as the first hook pierced through the upper right part of their skin was indescribable. The pain was horrible but the fear, the horror, being unable to do anything but watch, that was so much worse.

A second matching hook went in and out of their skin. They could feel blood trickle across their bare skin. Then whumper got another deranged grin.

“we should get the difficult ones; the succinylcholine will be wearing off soon doll.” Whumper was still humming that sickening tune.

He brought two hooks to his face and put the first one through the skin on their cheek bone, just inches below their eye. Whumpee’s fight or flight instincts once again started to uselessly kick in, serving only to heighten their terror. They could hear the gross sound of the skin being pierced.

“so gorgeous,” Whumper whispered softly, stroking Whumpee’s hair before placing the next hook in the same place on the other side of their face.

This processed over and over again, two through their chest, two more on either side of their lower stomach. The final 2 went through the skin just above their knees.

If Whumpee had had anything in their stomach they would have vomited.

“Now the final touch!” Whumper exclaimed exuberantly.

Again, terror flew through Whumpee as Whumper pressed a button and they felt themselves lifted by the hooks.

Again, merciful darkness overtook Whumpee, it was all too much.

Event Prompt

My Event Masterlist

@whumperofworlds, @pigeonwhumps, @whumpsandbumps

[kcalsforhim]

monday 4 november 2024 - 𐙚 ˚🍰 ⋆｡˚⊹❀˖°

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calories : 706 steps : 11.4 k

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omad : bowl with white rice and canned tuna, mixed together with mayonaise. 3 edamame spring roll thingies. 3 macaroons, flavors being : blood orange, apricot and pistachio. a bowl of cucumbers.

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the day went quite well. i was meant to go to college today but i woke up at fucking 12 pm and at that point literally by the time im at college i have an hour left before i need to leave. after i rolled out of bed about an hour after i woke up i went on the tread mil for another hour on speed 5 to get all of my steps in since i knew that i would get lazy otherwise. my friend texted me saying he had something for me and i thought well i can go outside.

so i wore the most uncomfortable tight outfit out to punish myself for not being to 50kg yet because honestly what am i doing with my life at this point.

then for dinner i had tuna and rice which is so haku. part of my goal is eating above 600,,, he himself eats like, what, 1200 calories max ?? no way am i gonna do that so we compromised on above 600 since thats not too terrifying for me LOL. the tuna and rice was soooo good and ive been craving macaroons since the start of last month im sick... they were SO GOOD and i had 3 ! one of each flavour that was in the little packet. i finished the edamame sticks we had today also.

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these are 3 pictures that i took with my leggings on. i love these when i have a big sweater to cover my stomach and crotch but this time i did not so i felt really fat and pudgy. especially since i wear thermal under my clothes, making me look fatter than i am.

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here is my side profile. i like how my ribs look but do you see how my stomach pudges out ??? its awful LOL

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then these are the last photo's... i did like a mini photoshoot i couldnt shove them all in one picture dump so here we go. thighgap progress with feet together as always.

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this song cause its kind of nice and soothing but also kinda creepy. i didnt really FEEL like this song today thank god, but its nice and i havent shared it yet i think

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[smolwritingchick]

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 77- Fire

Chapter Summary: BTS film for Fire. Jennie hangs with Layla and thinks about when BTS went to film BTS NOW 3 and the Save Me MV. Jennie gets bummed when she sees Prom videos and photos on social media since she never experienced it before. Jennie helps Jungkook when he gets sick before promotions for Fire.  

Words: 8,000+

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2016 had been insane so far when it came to breaking news. Minzy had left 2NE1 and Jennie could not wrap her head around it. She was in tears, freaking out when she saw them reunite at the MAMA Awards and now she’s leaving, leaving the group as a trio? It just wouldn’t be the same.

She even tweeted herself listening to old 2NE1 songs with the caption, ‘Sad #Jen’

And then with Hyunseung leaving BEAST. Everyone was leaving left and right. It was insane. But as she thought about it, she thought about herself with Amity when she left. How she felt to move on to something beneficial for her. So she put herself in their shoes because she knew what they went through and understood why. And she understood from the fans' point of view to see a group member leave.

Was this how Amity fans felt when she left?

Finally filming and taking photos for their next comeback, Bangtan went to Jeju Island for the jacket shooting. Jen wore an off shoulder yellow dress for the shooting.

“I love this dress, ain’t it cute?” she asked on camera, spinning around. “No, I have not dyed my hair yet. Don’t be too upset, Army. It’ll happen one day. For this comeback I want to show a different side of Jennie, so stay tuned.”

She then took photos with a kite, which went successfully. Then they began the unit shoots. After Jungkook and Tae, Jen and Yoongi were up. 

“Aw, your freckles look so cute.” she pointed them out.

“Ah...thanks smartie.” He tried not to smile at her compliment. 

The wind kept blowing which made them shiver slightly. It was so cold but they got through it. They then took photos on the air balloon, standing back to back, as the camera got every angle. After they got what they needed, YoonJen high fived each other and got out while Hobi got in next, looking nervous.

“Scared?” she asked him.

“No, I am okay. This is fine.” Hobi smiled nervously. But once he got in, he started making loud sound effects, causing her to laugh. “Whaaaaaaaaaaaa~ What if I’m blown away?”

“You’ll be fine~!” she reassured

Once it was her turn to get inside the air balloon with Jin, she had a blast, not afraid at all at being a little up in the air. After she was done, she checked out the photos, in love with how she posed.

Next up for the comeback was filming for the Young Forever MV at Jecheon Airfield a few days later. Jennie wore a long-sleeved white shirt exposing her shoulders and black pants. The members were told to show emotional acting as they walked around the maze.

For her part, she walked around with one of her hands touching the steel fence. Then, while looking around, white feathers blew past her ethereally.

Once her shots were complete, she saw Yoongi snapping photos of Jin and walked over to them.

“Oh, oh we doing a photoshoot? Okay!” she joined in, posing with Jin. “Let them know, a future worldwide handsome model is standing next to me. Don’t forget about us when you make it.”

Jin laughed, “I won’t, dear.”

For the fire music video, Jen expressed her excitement as the cameras were following her, dancing around.

“I am sooooo ready for this! I love this song and I cannot wait to film it, it is going to be off the chain! I am telling you, y’all are not ready for this one!”

As the members walked in on the set for their party scene, Jen stood at a DJ booth, admiring the equipment.

‘DJ Jennie is here!’

“I just want to thank Big Hit for allowing me to DJ in a BTS music video, this is so exciting. Ahhh, this is heaven, right here!” she fangirled.

“What’s this button do?” Jungkook asked, walking up to the booth as she demonstrated. “And this? This? That?” he went on as she showed him.

While the set was still being prepared, Jennie was talking to the camera again, showing off her outfit which was just something to wear while she DJs. Sweatpants, white shirt, chain around her neck, looking fly as ever.

“I got Suga’s three dolla’ chain on my neck. Comfortable looking white shirt, these sweats, my Nikes-oh my Nikes! Check them out I designed them! Made a little something! Nike, I am still here! Give me a call! I got some great ideas for y'all!” she showed off the designs she made for fun which looked good.

"You are never going to let me live that down, huh?" Yoongi playfully glared at her for the inside joke from American Hustle Life.

"All in good fun!" she giggled.

There were so many extras for the party scene as Bangtan filmed performing fire until they got enough shots. And then they shot it again but this time with Jen at the booth. She was much more energetic for this comeback and it showed on camera, dancing around, flipping her hair all over the place, headbanging. The guys took a break while Jen started her individual shots at the booth. 

They first filmed her turning to take a look at the DJ booth and then her walking over to it. Examining it while running her fingers over the equipment, she got a hold of the headphones and slowly placed them around her neck.

After that shot, she was filmed at the booth, dancing around until it was her cue to sing with the camera panning to her.

maenjumeogeul deulgo All night long

(Fire)

jingunhaneun balgeoreumeuro

(Fire)

ttwieobwa michyeobeoryeo da

Grabbing the mic, she started powerfully, doing what G-Dragon told her, “Errbody throw yo’ hands in the air, we gettin’-“

“Hot! Hot! Hot! Hotter!” the rest of the members joined in.

ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow

“Errbody throw yo’ hands in the air, we gettin’-”

“Hot! Hot! Hot! Hotter!”

ssak da bultaewora bow wow wow

Thinking of G-Dragon helped her as she even gave a mesmerizing stare at the camera that was sure to make Armies freak out. Starting again, this time Taehyung was with her at the booth, giving the Taennie shippers their fix as they partied. Then the rest of the members joined her, jumping and fooling around. Jen even threw her hands up and down while going over her verse for the end of the song, making things even more exciting.

“Yay!” she clapped and jumped off the booth. “That was hot!”

Going to see her footage from an iPhone, she smiled at her performance. ‘That’s really me up there jamming, huh? I look badass!’ she proudly thought.

The director praised her for her efforts and she went back to continue filming with the rest of the members on the stage. They even had Taehyung crowd surf. Jen could tell he was nervous and reassured him that it would be fine. Although the first attempt failed, he did much better the second time and it looked like he was having a blast.

Next was the members performing in an abandoned pool, performing the choreography. Even after one time of dancing, they were all out of breath as the stylists fixed their makeup and hair. When they worked on the dance again for the chorus, Jimin missed his cue to dance and they had to start over while he laughed and hugged Jungkook. But once they did it again it was successful. After that, Jin, Suga, V and Jungkook were able to leave since they were done for the day.

“Everyone gets to leave. I’m going to be the last one here. I have to film my little water dance.” Jen sighed on camera.

“Sucks to be you. I’m leaving soon~!” Jungkook teased while she rolled her eyes.

“Blah, blah, blah. Leave.” she playfully shoved him away, out of the camera’s view. As she continued to talk about what was going on, Jungkook would butt in occasionally. “Go away!” she laughed and pushed him again as he laughed.

After talking on camera, Jen waited as the staff members prepared the set for her, Hobi and Namjoon. With his things packed, Jungkook approached her again as he looked down at her with a smile.

“I’m about to leave with hyung. You sure you don’t want me to stay with you?”

Jen shook her head. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Go on ahead.”

He nodded. “Tony and I will be waiting when you get back to the dorm. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” she tried to go for a kiss but couldn’t reach him. She tried again, standing on her toes but he playfully avoided her kiss by not tilting his head down, watching her struggle. All he had to do was just put his head down to meet her lips but he wouldn't.

Frowning, she replied, “Wow, so you not going to give me a kiss goodbye?”

Laughing softly, he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up. Now she was the one looking down at him as her heart raced. He then gave her what she wanted while she leaned down, pressing her lips on his as she cupped his face.

Taehyung quickly took out his phone to start filming them. A big smile was on his face as he thought about this being one of the cute moments to share when they decided to reveal their relationship to the public.

“Jungkook! Let’s go!” Jin called out, walking around to find him.

Yoongi walked with him and then spotted Jungkook with Jennie. “Good Lord...these kids.”

“What is taking so long-PUT HER DOWN!” Jin yelped while the 95 Liners cackled at him freaking out. 

Before Jin could march over to them, Jimin made the save by jumping on his back to distract him. Meanwhile, Jennie and Jungkook tuned out what was happening around them as they kissed repeatedly, short and sweetly.

“Ahem!” the director cleared his throat on the megaphone. “Can we please have Jennie-ah on the set, Jungkook-ah?”

Reality hit the 97 Liners and Jen was slowly set down. The two let out a laugh while one of the makeup staff members pulled her away from Jungkook to fix her hair and makeup.

While Jimin was filming his individual scene, Jennie changed into her other attire for fire which was a pair of jean shorts, a black dragon crop top, and a dragon theme bomber jacket. She also had a secret tattoo of a dragon which was placed around her left inner thigh along with a thigh chain on her right thigh.

“Nini! You’re going to be the last one out of here.” Namjoon pulled her in for a hug while she sighed loudly.

“Why is everyone so happy they get to leave before me? Don’t rub it in. You excited?” she asked.

“Yeah, I am. It has been a while since we did something together in a music video. So, remind me, are you keen?”

“Fresh and keen, numba one chick when I step out on the scene.” she quoted, putting her twist on the Pussycat Doll’s song, making him laugh. “I had that song in my head all day. I blame shuffle. I was playing throwbacks on our way over here to film.”

Starting the scene, Jen and Namjoon coolly stood next to each other as she went first, adjusting the cap on her head

“Aye, live it up, Bangtan just exploded on the scene.”

Hey, burn it up jeonbu da taeul geot gachi

“Aye, shout it out! I’m turnt up, it’s okay, I’m keen~”

Hey, turn it up saebyeogi da gal ttaekkaji

With J-Hope walking through the door while a fire was in the background, he met up with the two, dancing around.

geunyang sarado dwae urin jeomgie

geu malhaneun neon mwon sujeogillae

sujeosujeo georyeo nan saraminde

Standing in between them, she shouted, raising a hand up with them, “So what~!”

Standing a little in front of them while they stood by her, Jennie showed off a little attitude while going over her verse, “Calling us extra yet you still want to hang. Bang to the tan, you wanna join this gang. Keep your eyes on me, I am still that chick!” she slapped her chest before pointing to the camera. “Don’t you stand too close, what, you think you slick? Admit we the shhh as we tear it down!”

When she said shhh, Rapmon and J-Hope dramatically turned to her while she placed a finger to her lips.

“BTS is the flame they wanna water down! Bangtan is still here and we killin’ it still. We always start the fire, you just a fire drill!” she smirked, shoving the camera away with her hand. 

The three did the scene a few more times to make sure to get many shots. They even had Namjoon and Jennie back to back as they said their verse. Namjoon would look at her a few times, nodding before looking back at the camera.

“Okay, good job.” The director praised.

“It’s over! It’s over!” Hobi cheered.

“I’m still here~!” Jen dramatically dropped to her knees, making Hobi and Namjoon laugh.

Despite it being late and her being the last one here, she remained professional and went through with it, not giving anyone problems. She wanted these scenes to be great and she would do whatever she could to show how hard she had prepared.

As she walked on the set, the background was black and with water coming down them the ceiling and there was a large pool of water for her to step into that was up to her ankles.

“I’m just glad the water is not cold.” She said, preparing herself.

Once the music hit, she went hard while being expressive about it. Wet hair flipping around, popping and locking, she had a blast. Things went well as they made her dance a few more times to get the shots they needed.

For the final scene, she just had to lip-sync the song while in the water, doing whatever she wanted.

“Okay! Jennie can go home.” the director announced

She sighed out of relief, falling back, making a big splash as the staff laughed.

“Hallelujah!” she shouted.

For the second day of filming for their music video, after it rained in the morning, the members gathered around for their group set. Jennie yawned loudly, making Jungkook, Namjoon, and Jimin mock her yawn.

“Four hours of sleep. Four. Living the dream” she replied.

After filming the first scene of them talking and Yoongi shaking hands with someone, setting them on fire, Jungkook rode a bike around the man on fire and then watched his bike on fire. 

Meanwhile, Jen was snacking on smarties until it was time for the group dance. She unzipped her bomber jacket so it could show off the black crop top. Afterward, she went with Jimin to practice the chorus of the choreography. He even got in front of her a little bit while she periodically glanced at him to make sure she got the moves right.

Standing in between Jin and V, she leaned to the right with the members.

Errbody say La la la la la

“La la la la la.”

Say La la la la la

“La la la la la.”

soneul deureo sorijilleo Burn it up

Strutting to stand in front, she flicked her nose with her thumb before tilting her head to the side, showing even more attitude.

Bultaoreune

Powerfully, she broke out into the choreography, going hard. She wasn’t expecting to be the one in the front to start it off and she wanted to make a good impression. It seemed like it paid off because the shot went well.

After being filmed watching the car drop down with everyone shooked at the scene, Jen had another solo scene in the same area Hobi and Yoongi were at night with a police car around. She started her verse with the bat she had from the danger MV. Carefully standing on top of the car, she performed, whipping her hair around. She even kneeled while pointing at the camera, continuing to lip sync.

“Jennie. Look at her go. She was not this expressive in the last music video. I’m pleased to see her so lively. She has been doing a great job so far.” Jimin watched her. “She is so cool.”

Then they had her lying on top of the hood of the car with her back against the windshield. After doing the group dance again, Jen fell on her hands and knees, acting like Patrick from that one Spongebob episode as she began dramatically coughing like him. The others were just as exhausted. 

Finally preparing one more time, they successfully finished the group dance with the backup dancers behind them.

The last scene had Jin across the table with Taehyung having an iron on him. The members surrounded him as they did their final scenes fooling around. Afterward, they walked outside to the camera, expressing how happy they were that they were finally done.

“The Fire MV is complete!” Jen announced, clapping with the members.

“Fire~!” Jin sang

“Feel the heat!” Yoongi said, popping into the shot.

“Please enjoy the MV!” Jimin pointed.

“Go, Fire! Go BTS!” They waved goodbye.

The next morning, Jen went into her studio to see a cute note from Jungkook on her desk telling her to have a good day. He even made a tiny drawing of a smiley face on the note. There was also a pack of smarties next to it. Smiling, she ate them while going back to writing how she felt about him for songs.

Feeling a buzz on her desk, she grabbed her phone and looked at the caller ID, answering instantly. “Hey! It's been a while!”

“Hi! Wow. I’m surprised you picked up.”

“Of course I would. I’m not going to ignore you. How you been?”

“Happy. I wanted to tell you that I’m in Seoul, right now. I was wondering if we could grab a bite to eat, together. If you’re okay with it.”

Jen swung around in her chair, replying with no hesitation, “Sure, Layla. Send me the address of where you wanna go,”

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Jennie arrived at a small café where Layla had been waiting for her. Making eye contact, Layla smiled and waved while Jen made her way up to her. 

Jennie didn’t know what came over her, but she embraced her tightly, taking Layla by surprise. Despite everything that happened, she missed every good moment she had with her. Layla was not expecting the hug, widening her eyes but hugged her back tightly, missing her just as much.

“For a second, I thought I was going to get punched like Hailey.” Layla teased as they let go. 

“Nah. I have to admit, I’ve missed you.”

“I've missed you, too. Thanks for coming to see me. This means a lot.” she released her and they sat down.

“Trust me, I’m surrounded by men every day at the dorm. It is so nice to hang around you for a change.”

“I’m flattered. You still get this, right? When we were kids?” Layla pointed out what she had bought her. It was green tea and a cinnamon muffin. “You used to copy my orders to piss me off whenever you could. So, for today, I got you the same order I got...for old time’s sake.”

“Oh wow! Yeah, I remember!” she chuckled at the fond memories. “Remember the time we went to Friendly’s and I got every single thing you got?”

“Oh gosh...don’t remind me. I even asked for five cherries on top of my milkshake and of course, your ass got the same. Trinity had to escort me to the bathroom because I was about to pull your hair out.”

“I’m not sorry for that. Wow, I haven’t had a muffin and tea together in forever. It’s been a long time. I'm so used to eating other types of breakfast food these days. Thanks for buying this for me.”

“You're welcome! Aren’t you glad you came out with me, today?”

“Absolutely. What are you doing here in Seoul?” Jen took a bite out of her muffin.

Setting her tea down after a big sip, she replied, “Work related and also to just take some time to travel to new places. I’ll be going to the DR soon.”

“Lucky! I wish.”

“Hey, you have a comeback to focus on. I bet it’s going to be off the chain.”

Jen chuckled, “I hope! It’s my favorite song we made. It’s called fire. It’s pretty dope if you asked me.”

“I’ll be counting down the days for the comeback show. I’ve been writing a lot since that day with all of us in that hotel room. I have so many stories to tell. It’s getting me excited.”

“Your solo work is going to be good. Any idea what type of genre of music you want to go into?”

“R&B.”

“That suits your voice.”

“Thanks, Jen. I would love to get a Grammy someday for my music."

“You will. Anything is possible. So start saying that you will get a Grammy one day.”

Layla smiled at the thought. “I should. Do you remember all those dreams we had? We would talk for hours about what we wanted to do with our music careers.”

“Those were good times.”

“You always were talking about singing in Korean and we thought it was crazy of you to do it. But you went on and did it and you’re living your dream. Me, I am too. I’m writing the music I want to perform and I’m working on my solo stuff. Slowly but surely. We’re still young, learning and growing but we’re going to make it with our music careers.”

“No doubt about that. Muffin cheers to that.” she bumped her muffin with hers and they both took a bite, letting out a series of giggles. “Heard anything from Trin or Hailey?”

“No, not really. They kind of just fell off the face of the earth. No social media, no reports, nothing. It makes me a bit sad to see how everything is now.”

Jennie frowned, “Yeah. Deep down, I miss all five of us being buddies with each other.”

“It’s most likely going to take some time but I do hope that one day those two will come around, and just apologize for everything as grown women. Then we can move forward. Simple as that. But those two are so stubborn.”

“Very stubborn. They always want to be right.”

“Oh, I was hanging with Angelina a few days ago. We went boxing together and she almost gave me a black eye.”

Jen laughed, “Oh my gosh, why boxing?”

“In her words, she said it was to relieve all the frustration she had left for me over the years. That girl can pack a punch, my ribs still hurt from those body shots. But it was fun.”

“Yikes, I do not want to be on the receiving end of that.”

“I got another piercing, too.”

“Where?”

Layla pointed to her chest, which made Jen put two and two together.

“No way.” Jen dropped her jaw.

“Yeah! It’s my favorite!”

“Now I know getting your nips pierced hurts a lot.”

“Actually it wasn’t that bad. It was just sore.”

“You got that, I could never. How many piercings do you have now?”

“Uh...well it should be seven, right now.”

“Damn. Any more you want?”

“I want some nose piercings. But I’ll wait a little bit for that. I just hope this photoshoot goes well today.”

“Oh, you’re taking photos for work?”

“Uh huh! Doing stuff for my fans, I want to create a little photo album for them."

“That’s sweet. Ever thought of doing fan meets?”

“No, I haven’t. Any suggestions?”

“I have tons but just don’t make them have to buy hundreds of your albums for a chance to get into a fan meet. That’s something I disagree with when it comes to meeting our fans here. I just wish BTS could have regular meet and greets and all they have to do is buy a ticket. Or just buy one album for a fair chance instead of buying multiple. So you won't have to spend so much money for a chance in the lottery. But that’s how it is here, so I don’t have much say.”

“Oh nah. Yeah, I’ll do it for free. Maybe set up a location in New York. That would be fun. How’s it been over here for work?”

“I had to do a few commercials...one of them was very...cute which I cringed.” Jen thought back to the shooting.

-------

Jennie shook her head frequently, displeased at the fact that she would have to dance and sing cutely for the Smart Uniform commercial with G-Friend and the rest of BTS.

“Mm Mm! No. No. HELL NO. NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!”

“We’ll pay you in smarties! Come on, it’ll be fun!” Jin stated with a smile.

“Nah, fam. You gonna have to do a lot more than smarties this time. You tried it.”

The amount of suffering and cringing she dealt with when recording the song and learning the choreography in the practice room. And now here she was wearing a uniform, hanging around GFriend, feeling rather uncomfortable.

She hated this commercial with a passion, having a huge dislike for cutesy dances. It just made her feel so out of place. And fans got a kick out at how she was screaming internally in the commercial.

‘How did they make me dance and act cute like this?’ she pondered, as she felt mortified when they filmed themselves dancing. 

She stayed professional and went through with it, faking it until she made it. One thing was for sure, she would be hating Wednesdays for a few months. And now she couldn't get the song out of her head.

------

“Wooooooow! Kudos for you not dying that day, hah!”

“Not funny.” Jen narrowed her eyes.

Layla found the commercial and looked at it on her phone, cracking up at Jen’s performance.

“Stop laughing~!” Miss Bangtan whined and tried to grab her phone.

“This is hysterical! You are so adorable~!”

“Shut up! And don’t get me started on the Save Me music video filming. I just kept falling and falling. One of my pairs of Nikes got so messy when we filmed. I was not happy that day.”

------

On the inside, Jen was in a foul mood, having to be forced to shoot the Save Me music video in this horrible weather. She was feeling herself getting sick and was not trying to let this upcoming cold win, making mental notes to fight it as soon as she got home. Her hair was straightened for the music video but due to the rain, her curls were already popping back up, and she decided to just roll with it, staying professional. She wasn’t the only one who did not want to be here.

Looking down at her shoes, her Nikes were getting a lot of mud on them thanks to the weather, which got her even more upset.

“My Nikes are getting screwed up due to this mud. Ugh. But hey, Jennie here...cold...wet...trying to survive.” She said in front of the Bangtan Bomb camera, wearing a poncho.

Namjoon and Taehyung had huddled around her to keep her warm which helped a lot while she continued to suffer.

“Are there crabs?” Namjoon asked, looking at a nearby hole that he assumed had crabs in it. “Isn't it the crab hole?”

“I had eaten crabs a few days ago. It was very delicious.” Jen called out, making him shoot her a dirty look. A loud cackle escaped her lips at the offended look he gave her.

"Eating crabs...you're evil!"

"No, I'm not!"

This music video consisted of one take, so the members had to move around a lot behind the cameraman while another member had their camera time. They rehearsed in their raincoats/ponchos while trying to keep warm.

During filming, mistakes were made, such as Yoongi bumping into the director as he tried to film, Jennie slipping and falling, making her pants dirty as the stylists cleaned them without any issues.

“Not funny,” she called out Jungkook and Jimin who were laughing at her dirty pants. “Remember that when you want me to bake something for you.”

That shut them up quickly.

Getting soaked in the rain after many more takes for the MV, the weather was starting to get a little worse and Jen started shivering.

“So cold...I can’t even breathe with this wind.” she shivered violently.

Taehyung engulfed her in a hug from behind, to keep her warm as she continued to talk about how she was doing on camera, with him adding a comment here and there. Soon after, he grabbed her hands and blew his warm breath into them.

------

“My favorite part of Save Me is the dance break. I have so much fun doing that. But the weather was not it.”

Layla snickered. “You always complain but you still get the work done. You've done it with Amity and you're doing it with BTS. How about that,”

“Yeah, some things never change. We went to Chicago a few months ago for our third BTS NOW DVD."

"Ooh, how was that? Did you win again?"

"Well..."

-------

In Chicago for their first day, the members got their makeup done and wore colored contacts for their photoshoot. Jen’s contacts were red as she checked herself out in the mirror.

“Now this is a look. I love this. Red eyes? This suits me pretty well.” she looked on in admiration.

‘How does it feel to be back in America?’

“Exciting! We’re here in Chicago!” she happily announced.

Jin was walking with her in the hallway of their hotel but then he tripped, making her laugh with him. 

“I was trying to be cool, but I tripped,” he explained.

“Ennie, your eyes look mesmerizing. You should wear red contacts for a comeback one day.” V pointed out.

“Maybe! That would be fun!” she grinned.

‘What will today’s photoshoot be like?’

Once they got on the bus, Jen immediately fell asleep. Having some fun, the guys decided to take selfies with her knocked out, plotting to use them for embarrassing photos to post.

‘They arrive at the first location’

“Jennie!” Jungkook called out, making her turn around. Once she saw him with his camera, she posed for him.

Seeing him taking pictures of her, Suga and Jimin butt in, posing with her, making the 97 liners laugh. After goofing around, it was Jennie’s turn to take pictures as she posed effortlessly for the camera.

Standing in front of a metal fence, she grabbed it while looking cool.

‘Jennie looking fierce.’

She then took unit photos with Jimin. Once Jungkook was done taking unit pictures with Rapmon, he stood behind Jennie as she leaned back, resting her back against his chest while they checked out Rapmon’s individual photo shoot. They laughed at how he was running for his shots. For the next shot, all the members wore unique eye makeup. With Jen, she had purple lipstick and colorful eye makeup.

In the van, Jen had her earbuds in while Jimin, Jungkook and J-Hope had their English time. Taking an earbud out, she stared at them in confusion, trying to comprehend what they were saying.

“What are you saying?” she asked in her native tongue, making them laugh.

For their next location, Jin had unit photos with Jennie against a tree, showing various expressions and poses.

“BTS Now 3 Mission Start!’

‘Choose a desired theme’

‘Create a picture with a story. The winning team receives a great prize! Which team will win?’

Once choosing teams, Jimin shouted “YES!” and ran around excitedly, which made the members curious.

“Who did you get?” V asked.

“I GOT JENNIE!” he laughed. “WOO HOO!”

“What!? No fair!” Jungkook whined.

“Sucks to be you~!” Jimin teased and turned to Jennie.

"AYEEEE!" she high fived Jimin. "Let's get it!"

Jimin and Jennie called their team JenMin. For the remaining teams, J-Hope and Jin called themselves HopeJin, Rapmon and Suga called themselves six years and V and Jungkook called each other TaeKook.

Throughout the second day in Chicago, the members got ready for more photos outside. 

With JenKook taking photos of the view, Jin and Jimin decided to mess with them.

Jimin threw a toy grenade at Jungkook. “Ennie! Jungkook! Run! Jungkook! Ennie!” he kneeled down, covering his head to try to take cover.

The couple glanced at him for a moment and then continued to check out the pictures they had taken of nature. With the toy grenade thrown at them again, this time Jin ran over to them and went down on his knees to take cover.

“AH! Jennie! Jungkook!” he yelled but did not get a reaction out of them.

The photographer told them that there were props they could use. Jen picked a skateboard for her concept, to show off the skills that her friend Kevin taught her over the years. Grabbing a skateboard, she skated around with it as the camera snapped away. It looked like she was having more fun than she anticipated, feeling elated.

“She’s so cute.” Jungkook smiled and snapped candid photos of her. One of these photos was going to be his new phone lock screen picture.

While everyone continued to set up, Jungkook had a speaker and put on Show Me Your BBA SAE, while recording himself with V. They nodded their heads back and forth to the beat and JenMin walked over to join them.

‘Let me hear you say! BBA SAE!’

As soon as the beat dropped, the Maknae Line danced and whipped their heads back and forth. Hyped, Jen began the Wutang dance, jerking her arms up and down and side to side with V trying to copy her movements.

“How do you do that?!” Jimin laughed.

“Easy! I’ll teach you!” she demonstrated for them.

It took a few tries but afterward, Jungkook restarted the song so they could Wutang with Jennie on video. The Golden Maknae even tried to convince Rapmon who was nearby to dance but he refused, laughing it off.

“Come on~!” Jen grabbed Rapmon’s hands, gesturing him to dance.

“All right, all right.” he gave in as she cheered him on with V joining him.

On the third day, they went to a house they rented to take photos. This was where their mission began. Jen and Jimin decided that their concept would be a parody of Tom & Jerry. After much debate, Jimin was Jerry while Jen was Tom.

“We have cheese!” Jimin brought out a plate of cheese.

“You’ll be eating and chilling and then I’ll come and try to chase you,” Jen suggested.

The first few shots included Jimin looking cute, and eating his cheese. Then it would show Jennie glaring at him with her arms crossed. As the photographer snapped away, she snuck up behind Jimin and tried to catch him but he quickly moved out of the way, turning away in shock. He started to run away, initiating her chasing him around. Later they were in the kitchen and Jimin had a frying pan, placing it against Jennie’s face for the photo to show that Tom was about to lose again to Jerry. After that, she was on the floor, on her stomach with a hand underneath her chin, looking annoyed at the camera while Jimin sat on her back, looking happy that he won again.

“Good! You two are done!” The photographer praised.

“Yay!” Jimin bounced up and down on top of her, making her laugh.

After their mission, the members continued with their pictures around the house. Jen, ate cheese curls while sitting next to Jungkook on the couch.

“Can I have one?” Jungkook asked.

Taking a cheese curl out of the bag, she fed it to him. Meanwhile, the camera panned up close to his face and he cutely said: “I’ll kill you.” revealing his bunny smile.

“The concept of this outfit is yellow,” he mentioned as the camera showed off what he was wearing. “It’s been a while since I wore red.”

“And he’s wearing red Nikes. I love them!” Jen pointed them out.

After the camera stopped filming them, Jungkook randomly said, “You’d look nice in red, Jennie.”

“Thanks, I wear red constantly if you hadn’t noticed.”

“That’s not what I mean.” a big grin came across his face.

It took her a second to get what he was implying before she smacked his chest.

“Dirty!” she scolded with a laugh and got off the couch.

“Babe! Come back!” he laughed harder, getting off the couch to chase after her.

Once filming was over, each team was interviewed back in Korea

‘Please introduce your team.’

“JENMIN~” the two joyfully announced and hugged each other

“It’s our ship name. We’re back JenMin shippers! We all know Jennie has a special place in her heart for me.”

“I could say the same for you,” she replied, making eye contact with him which would freak out shippers.

‘After finding out the teams, what were your thoughts?’

“CLOUD NINE! I love doing things with Jennie!” Jimin giggled.

“I was excited, too. I love working with Jimin. He’s so sweet and helpful.”

“Win or lose, we were going to have a lot of fun working together.”

‘Introduce your film’

“We reenacted a childhood cartoon of mine! Tom and Jerry!” Jen beamed. “This cartoon means so much to me. So, the fact that we got to do this was so cool.”

“We had a long debate on who would be who,” Jimin said.

“At first he didn’t want to be Jerry because he thought I was picking on him for his size. Which I wasn’t!”

“I know, I know. But still. You know how defensive I get about people calling me short.”

“Yeah, I know shortie.”

“HEY! I am taller than you!"

“I know. So, I was Tom and Jimin was Jerry.” she changed the topic, attempting to keep herself from laughing as he playfully glared at her. “Our concept was pretty simple. It’s cute and I’m sure people will like it and would want to check out some old Tom and Jerry episodes.”

When they were shown their best photo, Jen and Jimin cackled, holding onto each other.

“Your face!”

“My face? Look at yours! This turned out great!”

Everyone was in the room as they prepared to check out all the teams' photos. Six Years was first who did a parody of a horror movie.

“That’s so scary. Oh my gosh, the one when Suga is behind Rapmon with tissue paper, BRUH! His head is in the fridge.” Jen laughed. “Jimin and I voted for you guys to win. This was good.”

“Yeah, the pictures look nice.” The members agreed.

Next was to show JenMin’s photos and the members laughed at how cute the concept was. 

“I like the one when you look like you lost and Jimin is on your back. That’s cute.” Rapmon said.

“This looks natural. And I’m not surprised Jimin was Jerry. He’s tiny.” Jungkook giggled.

“I am NOT tiny!” Jimin fired back

Next up was TaeKook’s pictures. They did a parody of an animation. The members couldn’t stop laughing at V’s passionate expression in his solo photo. Their shocking visuals were the main topic.

“The kick!” Jen laughed. “That was perfect.”

Last up was J-Hope and Jin who did a parody of a movie. Some of the members talked about how chubby their faces looked and joked around that they looked ugly.

“I gained weight for the concept!” Jin exclaimed.

It bothered Jennie that they were talking about how “chubby” their faces supposedly looked. They looked just fine to her.

“Guys cut it out,” she spoke up with a frown. “They’re not ugly, they look just fine. Don’t even listen to them. It doesn’t matter if you gained a little weight, at least you’re healthy.”

“Thank you, Jennie.”

When it was time to see who won, it was revealed that TaeKook got 18 votes, JenMin got 52 votes, J-Hope and Jin had 64 votes. For the winners, Suga and Rapmon, who had 68 votes, they shouted and hugged each other when they found out they won first place.

“Woo!” Jen clapped. “Congrats guys!”

“I can’t believe we won,” Rapmon said in disbelief.

“We gave up on winning.” Suga laughed as they received a $300 gift certificate

“Sharing is caring, I hope y’all know that.” Jen reminded them

“Not today!” Suga replied, earning laughs from the members

------

"Darn...sucks you didn't win that $300 gift certificate. That would've been great. But hey, I hope you win in the next BTS NOW filming, if you have another one."

"Fingers crossed! I’m sure things will work in my favor next time!” Jen reassured.

-----

For the next few days, Jen had been a little down after checking out prom photos on social media. She wasn’t as cheerful as she usually was and it was starting to become noticeable by the members. Some thought that it was just the time of the month but little did they know it was something much deeper than that.

“Hey, are you all right, munchkin?” Hobi had asked one day in her studio with Namjoon.

“Ah, not really. Just been a little down but I’ll feel better after a few days.” Jen shrugged.

“What’s got you down?”

“I just...I just wish I was able to experience prom,” she admitted.

“Prom?”

After that, she broke down, “Yeah. I knew the sacrifices I had to make when I came here to become an idol. I would miss out on school experiences such as prom. But just seeing everyone all decked out in their dresses, nails done, all beautiful, it just makes me sad. I will never get that American high school experience. My sisters got to go to prom. My parents got to go to prom. Angelina got to go to prom. But for me, I never will with this idol life.”

Wiping the tears from her face, she cleared her throat. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all emotional. Just give me a few days to cope. I’ll feel better, soon.”

“Munchkin...” Hobi looked at her in concern.

“I will be okay.” she smiled sadly and stood up from her seat. “I need to use the bathroom.”

After watching her leave her studio, Hobi and Namjoon turn to each other.

“I didn’t think it would be this bad.” Namjoon sighed.

“I know...poor thing. What should we do?”

“Why not do prom here?”

“Plan a prom? You think we can?”

“We can figure out something. Even if it’s something small. Something for her. Let’s talk with Bang PD and then the rest of the guys about it.”

---------

Once the fire M/V dropped, people were pointing out Jennie’s dragon tattoo and trended it on Twitter, making edits and asking if it was real. They were shooked to see that it was even hidden too, starting from her lower stomach and then going down into her inner thigh. It looked sexy and something they were not expecting her of all people to have.

‘Jennie is your tattoo real!?’ she was spammed with questions on Twitter and Instagram.

She tweeted adding an emoji sticking out its tongue to tease the fans, ‘Curiosity killed the cat. Come and find out at your own risk.’

The reactions towards fire were insanely positive as Bangtan was trending and rising up the charts like wildfire. It was exciting and records and views were ranking up. But what was even more exciting was Jen watching these reaction videos from K-Pop reactors on YouTube and Instagram.

“I am telling YOU! I feel like G-Dragon, EXO, and whoever other idols she talks to had something to do with her because her stage presence and charisma for this music video are giving me goosebumps! Do you see my arms!?” one YouTuber yelled. “Whatever these idols are teaching this girl, they need to keep it going because she keeps getting better each comeback. This is crazy! My edges are gone, my face is cleared, and my grades are great! I am gay for Miss muthafucking Bangtan! She is that bitch! I cannot wait to see this live! And is her tattoo real!? Like got damn, I was not expecting her to be this LOUD! She is just GLOWING! Like I dunno what is going on behind closed doors but she just looks so happy and is having a blast. Jen, sis, you make me so proud~!”

Jennie smiled at that. She was glowing? That’s something she’ll never get tired of. She scrolled through Twitter to check out what fans were saying about her:

‘She is so cute!’

‘GLOWING! She is glowing! Look at her go!’

‘That NamJen moment thooooo! I ship!’

‘Go off!’

‘She better back it up!’

‘I’m living for this!’

‘MAKE JENNIE DJ AT BTS CONCERTS! #DJJENNIE4BTSCONCERT

‘BIHHHHH the facial expressions’

‘She said you a fire drill, I’m doneeeee’

‘The hair flips are giving me life!’

‘She is so extra, I love it ahahahaha’

‘She is killing it!’

‘Jen is going so hard during these dance moves, did she get whiplash?’

She chuckled at the comment. She did get whiplash a few times for being so extra while dancing but it was well worth it.

“No, they didn’t...” she said when she looked at the trending chart to see 'Jennie’s Legs' trending.

She read the comments with amusement:

‘Why did she hide her legs for so long!? They’re so toned!’

‘Choke me with your legs!’

‘Queen!’

‘Jen got a little thick and I’m here for it!’

‘My GOD!’

‘Ruining lives! She is continuously ruining lives!’

‘I’m in love!’

‘I’m straight...I’m straight...I think?? She’s making me question myself!’

‘WAIT! WAIT SHE JUST WALKED TO THE FRONT AND WENT HARD!’

Checking out more reaction videos, there was a group of male K-pop fans who looked like they were in their late teens and early 20s reacting to Fire. There was one guy specifically who was known for having a massive crush on Jennie and called her his bias. From the video, it looked like his name was Noah, as his friends would tease him and think of ship names for them. He was Caucasian and had on a Jennie shirt and BTS cap over his messy brown hair.

He seemed captivated as he stared with his mouth open slightly at her dancing. He looked so in love right now, it was astonishing to her how she could charm someone from her MV shots.

“Pause it for a second, oh my God, she is so beautiful!” Noah stared at the screen, shaking his head. “Wow...just wow.”

“You all right man?” one of his friends asked while laughing.

“Do you think she would date someone like me? She like white boys?”

That caused her to laugh as she continued to watch the video. This was too cute.

“She said she’s open to dating any race, remember?” one of his friends reminded him.

“All right, and BTS may be going to K-Con, right? I gotta meet her. Like I need to meet her in person.” Noah declared.

“You’re drooling my guy!” one of his friends laughed and nudged him. “Should we start planning a wedding? Buy her a ring? Hahah!”

As the video continued, Noah exclaimed, “You REALLY want me to watch her while she is looking like THIS? I’m a committed man, this is my wife right here. But I’m not gonna lie, I’m not sure if I can handle all that. She is so sexy.”

Some comments under the reaction video were teasing him for "wanting the chocolate" and that he looked like he was "ready to risk it all" which amused Jennie as she read them. 

She thought it was cute of him to admire her like that. She was very flattered as she pondered if she was starting to get more people to speak out about their love and admiration for her. When she first debuted in BTS, she never thought she'd be anyone's bias. But as she continued to grow as a performer, more people began to fall in love with her and it touched her heart that she was called someone's bias. 

Later that day, she decided to post a photo of her wearing the fire outfit that she took during filming with the caption,‘*Insert Jennie leg and thigh appreciation posts on Tumblr/Instagram/Twitter* #EXPOSED’ which made fans freak out.

With G-Dragon, he was in the dance studio with Big Bang. He had been watching the fire music video on his phone, mumbling to himself about how Jennie was improving.

“Is that the girl you were talking about?” Taeyang asked, checking out what he was watching.

“Yeah, that’s her. Jennie.” he smiled proudly.

“Wow! I’d like to meet her. I keep hearing you talk about her.”

“You’ll love her. She's a very gifted performer. I’ll see if I can schedule something.”

----------

Days before their comeback show, Jungkook had unfortunately started to get sick. It was so sudden and the company thought about having him sit out during their comeback show just so he can rest and get better. He had developed a fever and once Jen found out, she went straight to the store to pick up some items.

The protective mode of Jennie was on full blast as she came back to the dorm and went right to his room to help him. Whenever Jungkook was hurt or got sick, her focus was on him 24/7, doing everything she could to make him feel better.

Wetting a few small towels with cold water, she placed them in small plastic bags and let them stand in the freezer for a while to get nice and cold. It was a method her family used on her and her siblings when they suffered fevers.

“We need to work on strengthening your immune system,” she said, setting things up in his room.

Jungkook sat up on his bed and was handed a glass of cold water. Watching her turn her back to him to prepare the small towels, he downed the drink and placed the glass on his nightstand. 

As soon as she turned back around, she saw the glass empty and looked bewildered. “You drank it that quick?”

“Yeah, it was good.” He grinned.

“Good, drink another glass.” she gave him the second glass and he downed it quickly.

“You always take care of me.” he smiled tiredly as she kneeled beside him on his bed.

“What can I say? I like taking care of you guys.”

“Can you just take care of me though? Not the other hyungs. Jimin hyung always likes to rub it in my face whenever you take care of him when he’s sick.”

“Kook, not this again.” she giggled.

“And did you really bake him those cookies that I like after his sickness was gone? What about me?”

“So, you want me to let them suffer?”

“Yes?”

“Absolutely not!”

A whine came out of him, making her laugh. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Horrible,” he complained. “Why does this have to happen to me now? And our comeback is in a few days but I have to sit out.”

“I know it’s frustrating but your health comes first. We all want you to just rest.”

“I can’t even kiss you...” he grumbled.

She placed a hand on his forehead and was startled to feel how hot his skin was. “Wow, you’re really hot,”

“I know.”

She narrowed her eyes at his giggle and cheeky grin. “Annoying. I need you to take off your shirt so I can cool you down.”

Once he complied, she made him lay on his stomach. Taking a cold towel out of the plastic bag, she placed it over his back, making him shiver slightly from the coldness hitting his skin. After a while, the sensation began to feel nice on his body as it helped cool him down. She resumed cooling him down a few more times and made him lay on his back to place another towel on his torso.

“My bad.” she smiled apologetically at his facial expressions of discomfort from the coldness.

“Don’t worry about it, Jagi. It’ll feel good after a while,”

After cooling him down, Jungkook remained persistent to get a kiss from her.

“Can I have a kiss?” he asked.

“You have a fever.”

“Please?”

“You’re sick.”

“Please?”

“Kook...”

“I love you.”

“Stop.” She tried to fight her smile.

“I love you~.”

“I love you too but I’m not kissing you.”

“Can we at least cuddle?” he pouted.

‘I hate it when he gives me that look, I can’t say no.’ she thought as she relented and got into bed with him.

Holding him, she watched him fall asleep quickly. Slowly running her fingers through his soft hair, she thought about how he didn’t feel as hot as before. The towels helped tremendously. She just hoped his fever would go away quickly.

“Ah, stop staring at him with those worried eyes. He’s going to be fine. He’ll bounce back quickly.” Hobi poked his head into the room, catching her attention.

“I wasn’t staring.” she felt her face heat up.

“Uh huh. Says the smitten munchkin. How is he doing?”

“The cold towels helped. He doesn’t feel as hot. As long as he keeps drinking water, taking medicine and I continue to cool him down, the fever should go away soon.”

“Good. I’m glad. Thanks for taking care of him. I’m happy the kid’s going to be okay. He’s in good hands because of you.”

She smiled at that. “Thanks, Hobi. I try,"

[mephinomaly]

[TL] BIOHAZARD/Chapter 4

[ This post uses Ois~su ♪ ]

Kaoru: Why would we take part in an experiment that sounds like something a sci-fi movie villain would do…?

Tomoya: “If we are able to duplicate people, duplicate idols, there are many advantages.”

Hajime: “Fundamentally, one person can only do so much. They cannot be in multiple places at once or complete multiple jobs at the same time.”

Tomoya: “However, if we can create clones such as ourselves, it will become possible.”

Hajime: “For example, say there is a super idol with plenty of talent–”

Tomoya: “This idol will be able to simultaneously sing and dance on stage, star in a movie, take part in a gravure photoshoot, recount a funny story on a variety show—”

Hajime: “These examples, that would otherwise be impossible, become possible.”

Tomoya: “If the original person ages or perhaps even dies, the copy will still be able to perform to the best of its ability.”

Hajime: “24/7, 365 days a year!”

Tomoya: “They won’t get sick nor be able to complain.”

Rei: Riiight, I suppose that’s true.

Robots do not have human rights. You do not even need to pay them a salary, all you must do is cover the cost of manufacturing and maintaining.

To a manager, it is better than a real idol whose body can rapidly degrade.

Koga: That’s fuckin’ insane, man. ES is… Is ES heartless or somethin’?

Rei: Nay, Itsuki-kun would say that it is only human nature to want to bend the world around you for your own wishes.

Kaoru: Itsuki-kun? Isn’t that more of a Tenshouin-kun thing to say?

Rei: He has a surprisingly unique outlook on art. I’m his friend, so I would know.

Adonis: Fumu… Personally, I understand the overall concept, but I’m struggling to accept this.

This sort of technology is an extension of drawing AI. When there’s AI that is better than real humans with beating hearts, that can easily be mass produced—

What do we do then?

AI has been able to accomplish tasks in seconds compared to us, who could take a year or even a decade to do the same thing.

And that can all be done with a simple press of a button.

In the beginning, we will abhor these “monsters”.

There are no laws in place in regards to non-human entities, so they'll be regulated in the same manner drawing AI are, right?

But as time passes, and new laws are passed, when those sort of things become commonplace–

In that future, is there a place for us, real people?

Koga: Y-You alright, Adonis? Ain’t you bein’ unusually talkative?

Adonis: I’ve been thinking about AI technology since Yuuki showed it to me. I’m not good at thinking, so I’ve yet to come up with an answer.

Rei: Adonis-kun is a serious boy.

For me, if that is the current trend, I want to follow it. Whether you dislike it or not, you cannot prevent big trends such as that.

Even if we feel disgusted and consequently don’t participate in this experiment, these guys will just ask other idols to do it in our place.

Hajime: “Yep.”

Tomoya: “We don’t particularly need UNDEAD’s help.”

Koga: Oi! What are you tryna say, huh? Ain’t you suppose t’be actin’ cute?

Tomoya: “We are aware that our actions and words are uncharacteristic of the original Ra*bits members.”

Hajime: “We, at best, are 40% accurate to the original people.”

Tomoya: “Our external appearance have been the main focus, rather than the internal, such as speech and behaviour.”

Rei: You are using tricky phrases that is unusual for Ra*bits.

Hajime: “Yes. In order to accurately replicate the internals, that is to say, one’s mental state and personality, we need data from your brains.”

Tomoya: “And that is what we are requesting of you for this experiment.”

Hajime: “Now, we will install these devices to your heads, or more specifically, your brains.”

Tomoya: “Then, we will download as much data as we can from your brains, and use it to recreate you.”

Hajime: “We believe we are capable of reproducing the identical idols, both on the inside and the outside.”

Kaoru: A-are you going to suck out our brains? Isn’t that kinda gross?

Hajime: “Your wording is misleading.”

Tomoya: “We are only obtaining data, your physical and mental will not be damaged in the process.”

Hajime: “Of course, private information will be protected in accordance with the law.”

Kaoru: ...

Hajime: “Well, if you don’t want to, you can always refuse.”

Tomoya: “If you refuse, we will ask other idols, such as Ra*bits, to participate in your place.”

Hajime: “However, the experiment cannot be cancelled.”

Tomoya: “Until we are able to create the perfect AI idol, the AIIE project will not stop.”

Rei: ...

[ ☆ ]

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

[heartcereql]

born to die

neteyam sully x fem!omaticaya!reader

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒- in which, you make it out alive from the attack to the sky people’s base, but a part of you is gone, forever.     ࿐࿔*:･ﾟ Choose your last words, this is the last time / 'Cause you and I, we were born to die࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

𝐂𝐖- ATWOW SPOILERS !! , angst, mentions of death, blood, italics are past memories, pre-mating relationship, english is not my first language, 

A/N- LANA’S NEW PHOTOSHOOT HELLOOOOO!! this had me in tears bskdhdfr if you have any requests w any song feel free to submit! <33

you didn’t cry at first. you couldn’t. you thought this was some joke- a sick one. despite tsireya’s efforts to keep you away from his body, you had to see him. you needed to see him. your neteyam. because he wasn’t gone, right? he couldn’t be. 

why him, of all souls? why him?

you begged for your feet not to fail you as you ran on the rocks that surfaced towards where the metkayina girl had avoided leading you. you asked for your feet to take you to the finish line. yet your heart was breaking with every step you took. hoping that he would be waiting, that he would continue to be yours. 

walking through the smoke, tears started to blurry your vision. every time you tried to deny it, it became more and more real. 

*:･ sky people were at it again. and of course toruk makto’s eldests had to be there once again. as your hands carelessly prepared bandages for the hurt, you heart tightened at the though of neteyam out there. was he hurt? was he okay? had he been taken down? had he- 

your thoughts were interrupted when you saw the sullys’ ikrans. you left everything to come to their encounter. jake was telling off neteyam and lo’ak. neteyam. he was okay. or so you thought until you saw kiri’s worried expression as she aided him to get to mo’at. 

“hey! kiri, stop!” you shouted, jogging towards them. your eyes were immediatly roaming his body, in search of whatever injury was causing him the slightest pain. said eyes widened when you saw a trail of blood. 

“neteyam!” you gasped, barely audible. 

your fingertips were caressing the scratched area, worry washing your features, when his hands made their way to your jaw, gently lifting your gaze to meet his. 

“ ‘m okay, i promise” he smiled. 

for eywa, how you loved this man. you pressed your forehead together, kiri long forgotten a she made a disgusted expression, leaving to find her grandmother. 

“don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry over nothing, neteyam sully” you whispered, while your beloved brought you closer to him *:･

oh how you wished love would be enough now, when the road got though. you just wanted him to make you laugh once again. life was long, but, with him, you carried on, trying to have fun in the meantime. 

as you started to acknowledge it, every inch of you started to ache, every inch of you that wouldn’t be caressed by him again. 

stumbling in your unsteady stride, you finally spotted a group of people. your heart fell to the floor. it could’ve stopped beating, it wouldn’t make any difference to you. 

tears flowing now uninterrupted. your hands were shaking as you tried to control your breath, exhaling softly as you finally reached the family. 

*:･ he had taken advantage of jake and neytiri’s night out to take you out. walking together, hand in hand, you diverted your gaze towards the glowing wildlife of the forest. 

neteyam, however, couldn’t take his eyes off of you. the way some freckles shone, matching the night, made you look even more majestic. eyes wide, taking in the beauty of nature, reflecting the sparkly night, made you look different than how neteyam had always seen you, yet he loved it as much. 

he was so absorbed in admiring you he didn’t even notice the drops falling until you tugged at his arm. 

“ ‘teyam, it’s raining!” you laughed, dragging him under a big leaf.

“you look so pretty, yawne” he whispered, tucking a few strands of hair away from your face. 

“ma neteyam” you spoke in an equally soft voice.

your hands went to cup his cheeks, the tips of your fingers brushing his braids slightly. your senses were focused on neteyam and neteyam only, so much that you didn’t notice the rain pouring harder and harder, making weight on the leaf that you were using as an umbrella. this resulted in a stream of water landing on the crown of your neck and sliding down your spine. 

you gasped loudly, your body shivering against the cold liquid. neteyam was quick to laugh. 

“stop laughing, skxawng!” you exclaimed, gently shoving his arm.

he took your hand again, intertwinning his fingers with yours. he hadn’t stopped laughing, and, before you could get ahold of yourself, you were laughing with him. 

he dragged you out of the leaf and into the rain, making you laugh even more. he brought you close to him again. looking deep into your eyes he pressed a delicate kiss to your forehead.

“let’s go!”

he suddenly started dragging you throught he forest once again, but this time you two were laughing, enjoying the rain, the sky, each other. *:･

 you grew up confused, lost, you tried to take what you could, scared that you wouldn’t find all the answers. but you were found. and yet, it was being taken away from you now. 

muffled sniffs and agony grumbles could be heard from the distance you kept. seeing neytiri rock a body, his body, absolutely shattered your soul. as painful as it was, you felt like you had to get there. 

the pointy rocks stung your bare feet as you sped towards the family. you remembered when he told you he was going away with his family. how you cried, endlessly. and how you were determined to go after them. and so you did. look where it got you. 

if only your ikran hadn’t been injured during your flight along the metkayinas’s ride. if only you had been able to get there on time. 

tuk was the first one to notice your presence, since she wasn’t able to keep her eyes on the devastating scene. she immediatly ran to you. the two of you had gotten close, back in the forest. you loved taking her to your favorite spots deep in the woods, or going for a flight together. 

“y/n!” she screamed, strangled by tears. 

you ran to her encounter as well, tears stinging in your eyes as well. you knelt down and hugged her tightly as she launched into your arms. shoothing a hand over her head, you buried your face in her shoulder. you wouldn’t be able to see lo’ak’s face, nor anyone’s for the matter. 

tuk’s rapid heartbeat was aching you. you wanted to stay like this forever, in the comfort of a child as sweet as tuk, forgetting everything else. but you knew you couldn’t.

you lifted your head from tuk’s shoulder, only to meet their broken eyes. but your gaze quickly shot down to his body. and there he was. limbs rigid, eyes still open, since nobody could find the strength to close them. neytiri, who was all tears, was rocking his body. jake was holding lo’ak and spider, engulfing them into a hug, each boy standing at different sides.

letting go of tuk, you started to move to neytiri. to neteyam. getting close enough to see his expressionless face, his wound, his numb body, was enough to make you crumble.

you dropped to the floor, like your limbs were no longer at your command. your whole body was shaking, you eyes were exhaling every tear left on your body.

neteyam was loved. by his family, by his clan, by the metkayinas, by you. yet love didn’t seem to be enough when the road got tough.

*:･“you cannot be serious” you said “you’re leaving!”

“y/n, it was not my choice. my father chose to protect us by taking off to another place”

you were beyond upset. not with neteyam though. but who was going to care for him like you did? and who was going to care for you like he did?

“i understand. i try to” you whispered, looking now at your feet.

he was on the point of leaving. his things were packed and his ikran was ready. his arms sneaked around your waist.

“i see you, y/n” he said. 

the tears that threatened to spill were now held back. of course you saw him too, more than that, but this was the first time he told you.

“i see you” you were quick to say back, the brightest smile adorning your face. 

his tail was tracing patterns down your legs, making your stomach, and every other part of you, erupt in butterflies. 

“i will be back, i promise” he spoke.

“i know you will” you responded. 

as you watched him take off, you had made a decision. you were going after them. *:･

unconsciously, your hand was now over his cold one. remembering all the moments they were laced together. reality hit you as you came back to your senses. 

his hands wouldn’t caress you again. his eyes wouldn’t see you no more. his lips wouldn’t twist into the beautiful smile you’d grown to adore. his mouth wouldn’t speak tender words to you again. his laugh wouldn’t spread to yours ever again.

your tears were staining your vision. slender fingers dazed over his face. 

*:･“you are insane” neteyam scolded you. don’t get him wrong, he was beyond happy to see you, but you could’ve gotten caught, you could’ve been captured by the sky people. 

what was truly a miracle is that jake and neytiri weren’t mad nor bothered by your presence, although they did tell you off about how dangerous it was. 

“well, you like your girls insane” you shrugged, a playful smile on your face, that was quickly matched by neteyam’s.

“i’m glad you’re here” he told you, walking to you. “still, that what reckless. eywa knows what could’ve happened to you”

you didn’t hestitate no longer and oulled him into a hug.

“i missed you, tey” you whispered against his skin. 

“missed you too, yawne” he rested his head on top of yours as he answered. *:･

‘i miss you , ma neteyam’ you thought now, as you evoked moments that were just mere hours away. 

*:･“what do you mean you’re going back? we have to get out of here!” you hurried him.

“spider is still there!” he explained, grabbing your arms gently “it is dangerous, but we can’t leave him. i’ll be back before you notice i’m gone”

he kissed you knuckles as your heart clenched at the anticipated anxiety you knew you’d have as you’d wait. 

“be careful, ‘teyam” you told him, eyes begging him to stay. 

he nodded, giving you a reasuring smile as he rushed to lo’ak. *:･

he didn’t quite think his last words to you though, did he? foolish you, who had returned to where tsireya was waiting, believing it would be as he said. 

you felt empty. a part of you was gone as well. 

but you’d see him again, right?

cause you too,

you were born to die