#are ‘helping’ by arresting everyone and making shit more unstable. Fuck off you are killing my neighbors and friends and loved ones

[emergetransformed]

the government really actively violently trying to kill everyone you love all the time and most people see it as them helping

[barnesbabee]

𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮 - 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓵

|| ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ⇜ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - 21

⟿ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: No sensible person would turn down their boss if they looked good as good as Seonghwa. But maybe they would wish they had…

⟿ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇᴘᴛ: CEO!Seonghwa x reader, bestfriend!Yunho x reader || Social Media!AU || no gender specified for the reader

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: (send me a DM or an ask to be added) @ateezappreciation @shinyddeonghwa @lilithpooped @cloudyyeonnie@yeosangmystar @wooyoung-a @sanisms @mingismoon @lovelyvitamin @anawwyd @annasbannas @im-just-trying-to-survive-man @uglychildd @oddlittlefandomist @hwahomie @jin-neck-shaft @lovelyvitamin @yeosangmystar @skmoonchild @lovelymultiwrites @sunwooyoung

Panic settled in the room as Seonghwa's words echoed in your heads. Yunho was dead, Mingi disappeared, San wasn't waking up and the body was gone.

And meanwhile, you were getting railed in Seonghwa's office. You felt sick to your stomach, not knowing what to do, or where to even start.

"Someone say something!" Jongho yelled, at the top of his lungs, finally breaking his calm character.

The silence in the room was heavy and you suddenly felt as if you couldn't breathe, as if someone was gripping your throat from the inside. As if on cue, San groaned and his eyes fluttered open.

"What the fuck?..." He groaned, as he sat up straight with the help of one hand.

San rubbed the back of his head with his other hand, hissing as he moved it up and down slowly.

You and Seonghwa ran towards him and knelt beside the man.

"San what happened!?"

San sat against the sofa, feeling too sick and too dizzy to sit up straight on his own. He took a couple of breathsm trying to recollect what happened before he blacked out.

"There really isn't much to say, right after Y/N left Mingi asked me to get him something from the kitchen and when I came back someone, I'm assuming Mingi, hit me with something in the back of the head. Next thing I know I'm waking up next to Jongho."

Seonghwa stood up, visibly stressed and irritated.

"Y/N I- I can't take this anymore. I'm tired, I'm stressed out, I wake up, go to sleep and go through the day stressed but I try to keep calm and be reasobale but I just can't anymore! I need to rest, I need time!" Jongho said.

His voice was shaky, his face was red and his eyes were desperate and tired. He had huge bags under his eyes, and he looked as if he wanted to cry, but was too tired to do so.

"I... I know. I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it too, but the body is gone, and you know that if the body is found we'll all be questioned by the police and if he turns himself in he will also be questioned by the police and we both know that in either case they will be asking questions. The body is decomposing! They'll start asking why he didn't come right away, what happened between the murder and the confession, and it doesn't take much for Mingi to break! If he goes down he'll bring us with him!"

Your voice was unstable from crying, and you, just like every other person in the group, regretted helping Mingi. You should have stayed mad at him. You shouldn't have babied him and helped him cover up a murder. But it was too late, friendship and compassion won over you as if you were in a kid's cartoon where the power of friendship could overcome anything. But it didn't.

"Each of you get in one of my cars. We're splitting up and looking for him. Keys are in the ignition, let's go. The sooner we find him, the sooner it will all be over."

Seonghwa turned his back and started walking towards the garage, giving them no time to oppose themselves to the plan, or to complain at all.

Four motors roared in the garage as each of them left in their respective car to look around. He couldn't have gone very far, it had only been a couple hours and Mingi had no car and no money for a cab.

It was becoming increasingly hard for San to throw off Wooyoung. They had been spending a lot of time together and these past few days he had barely talked to the younger boy, making the latter suspicious that either San had gotten tired of him, or that he had found someone else. Either way Wooyoung was panicking and constantly blowing up San's phone, which was just the cherry on top. After the 10th ding sounded from his phone, San pulled over for a second and called Wooyoung.

"Heeey Woo." He said, trying to sound as sweet as possible.

"San what's happening? Please tell me if you're getting tired of me... Don't give me any hopes, because I really like you."

"What? No Wooyoung, I like you, like... a lot. Really. But I've just been busy with consoling Y/N, and there was a bunch of issues in some paperwork from my part-time job so I had to work on that as well, it's just been a very tiring couple of days, I'm sorry... Can I get back to you once I'm done? I need a little rest."

As far as Wooyoung knew you were still upset at Mingi.

"Alright fine, but I expect a nice homemade dinner once you're free."

"Of course baby."

San hung up with a sigh, relieved that he bought his excuses, and started the engine once more, resuming his search.

San was driving around the town, searching places with fewer people and hidden spots where rarely anybody went to. He ended up in a couple bad neighborhoods, which in retrospect it wasn't very smart since he was riding a Rolls Royce, but they hadn't been making good choices the past few days. Seonghwa headed back to the cabin where they had found the body, you searched every bridge and police station and Jongho went to his apartment.

It was minute 12 of driving around when you received a call. It was a group call with everyone involved.

"The body is back in the cabin. It's covered with all the leaves and shit we put here."

"Don't touch it, get out of there for now. I'm still trying to get to his house, anyone got anything?"

Jongho's question was met with a bunch of no's.

"Well I'm almost at his house and I can see- oh my God. I found him. I found him he's standing on a balcony and I think he's gonna jump everyone get here!"

Jongho hung up and you told Seonghwa the address. Thankfully you were close by and got there in no time. Jongho sprinted up the stairs and by the time you and San got to the house he was trying to talk Mingi out of it. Mingi was standing on the edge of his balcony, on the other side of the railing, but still holding onto it. Jongho was crying and begging Mingi to come to his senses and to come back inside, as he gripped his arm.

"It's no use Jongho, just let me go! This is not up to you!"

You and San got up to the balcony as well, trying to talk Mingi out of it.

"Mingi please! We'll get through this I'm begging you, we can't lose you too!" You yelled.

You wanted to stay composed but you couldn't help the tears streaming down your face. Even Jongho, who was usually very uncomfortable displaying his emotions, was crying and begging.

When Seonghwa got to the scene, he was terrified. He didn't know what to do, which was a common thing throughout the past few days, and it was killing him.

Everyone was pulling on Mingi's left side, trying to pull him up along with Jongho, so, without anyone noticing, he jumped outside the railing, and slowly walked towards Mingi without him noticing either.

Once he was close enough, he grabbed the man and pulled him up and over the railing, while holding himself stable with one hand on said railing.

However, Mingi's selfishness was bigger, and in the end, he showed that no matter what other people did for him, he was going to put himself first.

Mingi was mad, he thought his friends were being selfish and had no say in the matter, so while being saved, while going over the railing back into his house, he kicked it away with all the strength in his body, making him fall back.

Seonghwa, who was holding onto Mingi, failed to grip the railing harder and fell with Mingi, looking into your sad, panic-filled eyes as he fell to his death.

You bent over and watched the man you loved fall, in what felt like slow motion. His body hit the ground, and with an ugly cracking noise, Seonghwa's head split open.

You sprinted down the stairs, and once you got down to the ground people were circling the two men, taking pictures and gasping at the scene. You shoved away everybody in front of you so you could reach Seonghwa. His face was nearly intact, but the pool of blood surrounding his cracked skull told you there was no way he'd survive. His chest moved up and down quickly, for a couple of seconds, indicating the intense pain he was in.

"Seonghwa I'm sorry- I-I'm so sorry! Please... I love you..."

Just as the last three words left your mouth, you could see his lips twitch, before his chest stopped moving, before his eyes lost all of their color, before his body went limp in your hands. You stayed there, holding the face of the deceased man you once loved, your clothes soaking his blood and you cried out for forgiveness.

You didn't dare look at Mingi, but you sure hoped he was dead.

But he wasn't. And in the end. When the ambulance and the police came, they took Seonghwa to the morgue and Mingi to the hospital. Mingi ended up surviving after intense surgery, but not for long, because you would end up killing him.

"You don't get to live!" You told Mingi, as you stabbed gagged him and stabbed him over, and over, and over.

He died in a slow, agonizing way, just like you wanted him to. After all he put you, San, and Jongho through, after the sleepless nights, the constant stress, after staying the love of your life he still thought he'd get a second chance!?

You made sure he suffered, and you made sure he knew how much you hated him as you pierced your old, blunt, and rusty knife into his body.

San and Wooyoung ended up fleeing the country, and Jongho joined the military, both too afraid to face the reality and their past actions, seeking any refuge outside of their past lives. They did end up hearing about Mingi's death, and neither of them seemed to care. After everything, they just gave up on him completely.

You were arrested for Mingi's murder, but after confessing everything, and giving a couple touch-ups where you removed Seonghwa, Jongho, and San from the story, and after leading them to Yunho's body, the lawyer from your case pleaded not guilty, and blamed your acts on the heavy toll the incidents of helping your best friend, and the death of your lover, had taken on you, and the judge agreed that you should be under house arrest, with a government assigned professional that would assist you, take care of you, and report back to court.

Was that the end? Was that all there was to your life? That seemed to be the case... Sooner or later you'd end up joining Seonghwa however, you knew that much, you just hoped he was somewhere waiting for you.

[silentfcknhill]

AtLA + LoK Villains Evilness Rating

(If you wanna dispute my ratings I’ll be happy to tell you why.)

ATLA:

Ty Lee - 0.5 /10

Cinnamon roll. Too pure for this world. Naïve and will put her faith in you 100%. Kind of ditzy but can take you down with no hard feelings. Needs to be liked by everyone. Is very flexible. Can strangle you with her legs and giggle while doing it. Chooses bad friends. Has frustratingly good luck. 

Uncle Iroh- 1/10

Actual angel but could still open up a can of whoop-ass if necessary. Too supportive and forgiving. Loves tea, sitting around, speaking in proverbs and leading by example. Probably considers you a friend. Surprisingly powerful but mostly peaceful. Hard to provoke but if you do, just run. Fear the nice ones. 

Jet- 3/10

Misguided and extreme but also traumatized. Don't get in his way. Kind of twisted and obsessive af. Ends justify the means, until they don't. Needs a proper role model and has potential. Can be unreasonable and is still kind of a jerk. Will gaslight you. 

Prince Zuko- 3.5/10

Conflicted, violent and angsty but mostly needs a lot of reassurance. Has a major boner for his honor. Will freak out over nothing. Has been through a lot and will not be underestimated. Grumpy and willful af and won't listen to you until it's too late, then will blame you for misleading him. 

June- 4/10 

Might beat you up or kidnap you for money but it's nothing personal. Might insult you as a way of flirting. Looks pretty and delicate but don't be fooled. Can beat you up in a split second and not break a sweat. Will probably take all your stuff and never give it back. Lives for the tough girl aesthetic. 

Mai- 5/10

Is just bored and over it all. Throwing knives is something to do. Apathetic and will probably just follow along with whatever including murder but will complain the entire time. Emo af. Would risk it all for a quick nap. Prone to bite your head off. Too smart for you and will let you know. 

Wan Shi Tong- 6.5/10

A total dick. Tired of your shit and is judging you. Thinks humans are garbage and won't get involved with them until it suits him. Don't touch his books or he will literally eat you. Nerdiest bastard. Doesn't trust you so don't try any shit with him. Sees through your pathetic lies. Kind of an elitist.

Combustion Man- 7/10 

Thinks blowing shit up is a form of art. Doesn't believe in communication. Very serious and focused. Do not fight him. Probably gets crapped on more than he deserves. A mystery wrapped in a bald head. Probably has a tattoo of the names of all the people he's killed and he's ready to add yours. 

Hama- 7.5/10

Traumatized old hag. Created bloodbending but too crazy to do much with it now. May kidnap you and keep you in a dank hole forever. Seems sweet at first but is hiding a lot of secrets. Don't eat her cooking. Thinks sitting at home scheming is a job. Hates you for whatever small thing you did to her 57 years ago. Forgets nothing. 

Long Feng- 8/10

Conniving af. Will brainwash you, lie to your face and maybe make you disappear. Wants everything and will plot to take it all. Perfectionist and control freak, will stab you in the back and you won't see it coming. Is tired of taking everyone's shit. Thinks he deserves better but he doesn't. Kills children. 

Admiral Zhao- 8/10 

Explosive temper. Huge egomaniac and narcissist. Hates the moon. Has probably killed a lot of people and fish and you're next. Will do whatever it takes. Won't listen to anything you say. Punch first, ask questions never. Jumps to a lot of conclusions, is usually wrong. Frequently embarrasses self. 

Koh the Face-Stealer- 8.5/10 

Terrifying and will probably steal your face. Do not approach. Too indifferent to chase you but can be sneaky af so watch your back. Doesn't handle emotions well. A total loner. The guy who knows everything but nobody wants to talk to. Fear him. To know him is to hate him. Makes you question everything. 

Firelord Azulon- 9/10 

Will order your execution on a whim and maybe a relative or two first for the appetizer. Do not question him. Will play favorites and call you out on things that are his fault. Overreacts and you should probably not be around when it happens. Disapproves of all your choices and is very vocal about this fact. Forces parents to kill their children. 

Firelord Sozin- 9/10

Will commit genocide and take over the world while yelling at you for minor shit. Kind of a petty and jealous asshole. Even if you think he is your friend he isn't and is going to attack you. A big old bully with bad breath and a wonky beard. The original starter of all drama and certified instigator shitlord. 

Princess Azula- 9/10 

Unstable and manipulative. Sadist who thrives off of your fear and suffering. Will hurt you badly in all the ways. Avoid at all costs. Acts cold and calculating but really has no chill. Demands your respect but won't earn it. Trolling you gives her pleasure. The spawn of satan and loving it. Mommy issues to infinity. 

Firelord Ozai- 9.5/10

Second worst dad ever. No soul. Will burn every tree and face to a crisp. Child abuse for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Actual sociopath. Will kill someone and banish you for it. Goatee comes first. Will project all his insecurities on you. Will tell everyone your secrets. World's biggest megalomaniac. 

LOK: 

Varrick- 3/10

Will probably lie, try to con you out of money, order you to do things for him and tell bad jokes but that's as far as it's gonna go. Eccentric and annoying af. Doesn't know when to shut up. Needs to learn some lessons in life. Attracts more trouble than he's worth. Has all the good gossip somehow. 

Bataar Jr.- 3/10

The guy that nobody likes because he tries too hard and ends up ruining everything. Enjoys being a bitch. Wants to rebel but is bad at it. Do you love me now father? Tries to act like he doesn't care what you think but cares way too much. Will not kill you but might get engaged to your ex to spite you. 

Police Chief Saikhan- 3.5/10 

Will do anything you say for a price, except give a fuck. Doesn't really care about anything. Might arrest you just because he doesn't like you. The type to pretend he didn't hear you just to avoid responsibility. Likes to yell into things. Hates helping people. Is actually a giant rock in disguise. 

Tahno- 3.5/10 

A total prick. Has nicer hair than you and won't let you forget it. Very flamboyant and arrogant. Will gloat over being better than you at everything even though he cheated every time. Talks mad shit but can't walk the walk. Ultimately a big baby. Lowkey protect him. Wants to be the cool kid but isn't cool. 

Desna- 4/10

Couldn't care less. Actual inanimate object. Lurks around for no reason. Hates everything and that includes you. Listens to his elders and would probably leave you for dead. Just wants to sleep. Secretly goth. Might actually be two small robots in a trenchcoat pretending to be human. 

Councilman Tarrlok- 4.5/10

Attention whore with a savior complex. Smol bean who wants approval. Acts arrogant but is secretly depressed and self-loathing af. Stubborn and clingy emotional wreck with impulse control issues. Needs a hug. Will probably manipulate you through guilt or charisma. Wants to be Lucius Malfoy, but cries at night. 

Hiroshi Sato- 5/10

Has lost sight of what's important. Total extremist. Will get revenge on you for something you didn't even do. Well respected and seems innocent but is plotting your downfall. Can build a whole army and take you down. Kind of a traitor. Loyalty is volatile. Thinks he always knows what's best for you but doesn't know shit. 

The Lieutenant- 5/10

In way over his head. Wants to make a difference but has let bitterness take over. Will probably electrocute you. Puts his faith in the wrong people. Kind of snobby and will hold a grudge. 99 problems and benders are about 98 of them. Tired of being pushed around but still lets himself be pushed around. FLOPPY MUSTACHE. 

Aiwei- 5.5/10 

Thinks he's better than you and probably isn't. Wants to be sneaky but really is just too predictable. Boring af and tries to be unique but fails miserably. Lets everyone take advantage of him. Don't lie to him. Will harbor resentment and take it out on you at a random point in time. Discount Long Feng but not as smart or ambitious. 

Eska- 5.5/10

Will stalk you aggressively. Thinks slavery is a relationship. Eyeliner sharp enough to kill. Never betray her or she will destroy you. Might use you as a footstool. Seems emotionally dead inside, but don't test her dormant waters. Uses everyone and feels no guilt. Hipster trash. No concept of boundaries or social interaction. 

Ghazan- 6/10

Sarcasm game strong enough to fatally wound you. Doesn't say much. Has tree trunks for limbs and will probably use them to throw lava and rocks at you. Lowkey protective af. Don't get on his bad side. You can't get on his good side. Would rather kill everyone including himself than let you win an argument. 

Zaheer- 6/10

A wannabe hippie but will still fight the system and you too. Don't try to control him. Gets annoyed when people breathe too loud. Is kind of a contradiction. Will literally blow you away. Anarchy equals freedom. Fuck the police. Can sit in the same spot for a really long time. Probably a flat earther. 

Ming-Hua- 7/10

Has a significant disability but can still easily slaughter you. Innovative and sneaky af. As fast and agile as an actual lemur. A natural disaster wherever she goes. Doesn't listen to your advice. Overcompensates a lot. Probably her own worst enemy. Is quiet and likes to eavesdrop on your business. 

Kuvira- 7.5/10 

Wants to control everything. Who invited her to poop the party? Highkey evil and just plain mean. Will use your corpse as a decoration if you get in her way. Secretly petty and superficial af. Thinks social bonding is trying to seduce you in order to take charge of your life. Individuality punishable by death. Even other villains hate her. 

P'Li- 7.5/10

Can explode you with her mind. Her gaze will pierce you to the core. Strong independent and violent woman who don't need a man but chooses to have one anyway. Will shave you off just like the sides of her hair. Has no problem fucking shit up. Boss bitch. Loyal to only a select few, so too bad for you. 

Amon- 8/10

Charismatic but scary and mysterious af. Huge hypocrite. Will silently judge you. Powerful, selfish and cruel. Manipulative as hell and uses intimidation to get you to comply. Pretends to have empathy but really just wants control. Will cripple you physically and emotionally without warning. Knows all of your weaknesses but none of his own. 

Earth Queen Hou-Ting- 8.5/10 

The actual worst. Eats your pets for supper. Her yelling is the #1 cause of deafness worldwide. Will keep you prisoner and then have you killed for looking at her. The bossiest Drama Queen ever. Will be the cause of all your misery and will be proud of it. Bark is the same as her bite. Lots of daddy issues. 

Chief Unalaq- 9/10 

Religious extremist. Actually batshit insane. Wants to destroy the entire world. Has ascended from this pathetic plane of human existence. Loner whose only friends are invisible. Wants you to think he's just shy and misunderstood but NOPE. Knows what you want to hear and says it. Will sell you to satan for one cornchip. 

Yakone- 9.5/10

Worst dad ever. Will either bloodbend you, try to live vicariously through you or both. Absolutely no redeeming traits except for being physically human. Abuse equals tough love. Might beat your ass for no good reason and expect your gratitude for it. Criminal mastermind with no conscience and all of the entitlement. 

Vaatu- 10/10

Actually the devil. Literal incarnation of darkness and chaos. Ultimate troll and force of disaster in the world. Doesn't know any better, but still an asshole by choice. Will use you until you're no longer of value. Has a hard-on for destruction. Likes to play the victim. Will consume your soul and burp loudly.

[ziracona]

So last night I wound up reading Amanda's wiki and It made me kind of sad for her, because it very much sounds like she was suffering from stockholme syndrome of a kind there, to me, atleast. Which makes me wonder, what do you think of the pig/amanda? What's your Amanda like in your stories? Do you think she had any potential for redemption (with A LOT of work)? I guess I just wanna hear your thoughts on her character because ur always rly good at it?? - Sleepy

Yeah, whoever wrote the Saw wiki loves Amanda and hates Hoffman and it’s genuinely hilarious. They make a lot of assumptions (like that her motive for killing Adam after he won his game was mercy killing, which is a throughly unconfirmed opinion), and use the most sympthetic & extreme language possible. I’ve watched all the Saw films, and as a character, Amanda is a very enjoyable villain, but as a person? She’s a truly awful human being. (Side note—this typed last— So, mentioning certain Saw characters sends me flying into a rage like a D&D berserker, so this is gonna get angry as hell, but 0 of it is at you. I love you. This is at the Jigsaw squad. WHO I FUCKING HATE. Ahem. Anyway. Felt like the level of unbridled and sudden fury needed a heads up lol.) It’s not Stockholm syndrome. In Saw one, she’s a victim who is put in a reverse beartrap and forced to either die, or cut the key out of the stomach of a paralyzed by drugs but very alive (which she knew) other kidnap victim, whom she cut open and killed. After enduring that trauma and barely surviving, she immediately accepted John’s offer to join him. She was not forced, she was not tricked. He asked, and because she wanted to feel special and important, she agreed to inflict suffering she knew goddamn well the horrible level of on others first hand, and went willingly. She is self-centered to her core, and became dependent on and infatuated with John, and obsessed with his approval. She kidnapped Adam and Lawrence with him, who were kidnapped for fuckall reason (literally John just thought photography was pathetic) and for almost cheating on his wife (lol this was John’s ‘stated’ reason—his real reason was John is the world’s pettiest bitch, and Lawrence was the doctor who told him he had cancer. I’m not fkn kidding he’s that level of petty self-absorbed, self-righteous bastard) respectively. Then killed Adam after he won his game, which should have given him freedom but John reneged on like he always does like the pissy little bitch he is, Amanda killed him for reasons up to speculation. However, given John usually tests people who win a second time or tries to get them to join or some bullshit, it’s more plausible to assume her motive was seeing him as a threat than that it was mercy killing, and it’s only stated in-film to be an emotion based decision, not her actual movtive. Everyone’s opinion on this action is just that—opinion. With varying degrees of factual basis behind the educated level of educated guess.

In Saw 2, she helps John kidnap a bunch of drug addicts like herself who all got false arrests by the same officer at one time or another, along with a poor fucking 15 year old whose crime is having that cop for a dad. She then spent the next two hours watching people whose only crime was drug use, like herself, die horribly of organ deterioration, knowing at any time she could have stopped it and saved them all because she knew how to get the antidotes. Bitch even holds one girl in her arms and stokes her head and pretends to care about her while she hacks up deteriorated lung and blood and fucking dies, when at any moment she could have chosen to let her live. Literally no one should be more sympathetic to them than her. She knows how addicted to drugs feels, and the help you need. Anyway, she doesn’t, she lets them die and plays with them, and then when it’s to her, the 15 year old—who multiple times saves or helps her when hurt by other participants, and is nothing but kind—and one other man, the man shows up to kill her to get an antidote, and the poor fucking 15 year old child kills him with a saw to save her, traumatizing himself to a breakdown afterwords, and instead of being even thankful, she attacks and knocks him out, ties him up and attaches an oxygen tank so he won’t suffocate, and locks him in a fucking like tiny ass safe to be a game piece for another trial and leaves him there. His dad, who admittedly needs to serve jail time but isn’t a fucking murderer at least & does love his son, shows up distraught looking for his kid he’s afraid is dead, and she sneak attacks and takes him down, then leaves him chained up in a nasty lost bathroom to starve slowly to death, and doesn’t even do him the decency of telling him his kid isn’t dead. When he breaks his foot to get free and comes hobbling wounded after her, she sneak attacks again and he nearly wins, but she fucks up his broken foot and starts to leave, then comes back and beats him (she thinks) to death becuase he said she would never be Jigsaw, and she’s that petty and proud. Kid never gets to know what happened to his dad, and even alive, will definitely die young from the complications one, you know, gets from almost dying of chemical organ deterioration.

In Saw 3, the main victim is a man whose kid was lost in a hit and run. Jigsaw has Amanda kidnap his wife because she’s a surgeon and also was once not as sympathetic as he thought she should be when talking to him about his cancer at the hospital (I’m not even fucking exaggerating—side note, I will beat John Kramer to death myself with my huge fucking meat fists and laugh as I watch his bones crumble to dust). This poor bitch just lost a kid, then separated from her husband because he was a fucking mess consumed with revenge against the poor college kid who accidentally hit his son & totally withdrew from the world, and she wakes up with a collar filled with shotgun shells basically a 360 gun blow off your head collar deal on, and Amanda wheeling her around in the wheelchair she’s tied to. They tell her if she keeps John alive until the person being tested finishes his test, she can go free. The whole movie, Amanda keeps trying to convince John to kill the poor woman even though she complies just because she’s a throughly selfish, petty, conceited, self-pitying bastard with no regard for others, and wants this “Bitch” to die for fun. She feels she’s a threat for John’s attentions, and John isn’t even romantically inclined toward her, but she’s obsessed and doesn’t care. Amanda decides between Saws 2 and 3 that people aren’t fixable—even though she herself was supposedly “helped” by her Jigsaw game and this is hypocritical as fuck—and just starts straight up fucking torture murdering for fun. To the point even John thinks she has to be stopped. Like if John fucking Kramer thinks you’ve gone to far? Jesus help you because no one else can. She still does the torture, but instead of like, chopping off your own hand with a paring knife and getting to live, you chop it off and then still slowly get your head crushed between two beams being screwed closer and closer together. She kills Kerry for fuckall reason except she wants to (Kerry is a detective who did jack shit wrong—she was just on the case. It’s utter bullshit). Kidnaps her, straps a thing with hooks in her ribs that will tear out her rib cage when a timer runs out, and kill her that way, and had her hung up above the ground tied by chains, and tells her if she burns her hand up in a bottle of acid to get the key at the bottom which is hard period in the suit—never mind losing the hand—she can live. And Kerry fucking does, ruins her hand, unlocks the lock, and the suit won’t come off becuase the cunt rigged it. Then Amanda shows up to watch her die for fun just to smile smugly at her and watch her fear. Because she’s a fucking soulless, sadistic, evil, self-centered, self-important asshole.

Obsessed dad let’s a fucking bystander whose only crime was seeing a hit and run and running off freeze to death stripped naked and sprayed with water in a freezer slowly, saves a judge who gave too weak a sentence to the hit and run kid after the man begs, and then lets the poor fucking college kid who did it and already feels awful get his arms twisted till they snap off, legs twisted till the same, and then his head twisted around back so far it twist snap kills him. The rack is fucking beyond inhumane death. Amanda monitors this while threading Lynn (the poor doctor lady) for fun and crying over poow wittwe John who is dying of cancer (thank you god for doing what we couldn’t), and being miserable. Eventually, Hoffman sends her a letter saying if she doesn’t kill Lynn, he’ll tell John that she was one of the people there to steal drugs the night his wife got injured and miscarried (he probably already knew 🙄), and becuase Amanda cares about nothing more than Amanda, she fucking monolgauges at John about how special and sad she is how he needs to fix her and she’s a murderer but she doesn’t care because you know—she’s depressed : ( so she gets a pass for her self she’s UwU sad so her poor little crisis can have a massive torture body count bc she’s that special UwU and why is Lynn not gonna die even though she did her job!??? So unfair! No one changes kill them all but tell me I’m special I’m symapthetic because I’m sad and that makes it fun for me to tear people’s ribs out :’( —and then she fucking shoots Lynn becuase she cares less about an innocent woman’s life than the potential for John to be mad at her :’-( you know—such symapthetic stuff! And then John is like “Ok then fkn die :’(“ and Jeff/unstable dad/Lynn’s husband runs in and shoots her and then kills John.

Anyway! I fucking hate Amanda with a passion, and John. I cannot stand humans who hurt each other for fun, especially when they target those who most need help. But above all I cannot abide a person who is a sadistic, selfish, wholly self-absorbed fuck of a human, and refuses to take any responsibility for their actions or admit how fucking bad they are and has the goddamn nerve to act like a victim. Like if you’re going to be an evil son of a bitch, at least have the decency to admit it. If you’re a self-pitying “im uwu special and sad and better and more important than everyone else” —double points for “& becuase I am attractive I can get away with being a soulless shit without any being held accountable” from fandom or the media itself, tripple if from both—? I will kill you myself. I will rip out your eyes and chew on them. I will kill my self on a bomb to take you too. I will chew off my left arm for the sole purpose of getting to beat you to death with it. The wiki writer bends over back so bad they’re gonna need a brace the rest of their life to make her sound sympthetic, but they’re just a fan. She’s not. At all. She doesn’t have Stockholm, and I see people say “she got manipulated and used : (“ all the time, but without fail so far it’s people who think she’s hot and just want a reason to stan that because somehow a hot white woman with short hair even if canonically infatuated with John Kramer is somehow both a lesbian, and excusable for every horrible torture murder she ever did to feel uwu special in her depressed sad times. She wasn’t manipualated. It happened fast, she wasn’t courted into it, and she didn’t even hesitate to say yes. He offered her an out, made sure she was serious, and she stayed. And then she escalated to the point John took her out to stop her, because it was worse than what he wanted to do. I enjoyed her as a villain but as a person I fucking hate Amanda, and don’t really want to see her get another chance. Bastard doesn’t deserve one. I can’t say there’s no continuum in which she could never improve or be redeemed becuase who the fuck knows, and I like to think there’s a smidgen of hope for anyone, but that said, I do think the more evil you willfully do, the more you lose your humanity, and you can hit a point there’s just no person left. So. Anyway, hah, I don’t think she’s redeemable and frankly don’t want her redeemed. I want to burn her to death myself if I have to die that way too. Also! This was a wildly angry answer but none of it is directed at you. That wiki writer does make her sound symapthetic, I’ve read the wiki too—just I go into a blind rage any time John or Amanda is even mentioned and it takes me a half hour to come back down. I fly into a rage. If I ever go into anaphylactic shock, all a friend has to do is start mentioning the names of Saw villains and my adrenaline will start pumping like jet fuel and I’ll be fine. I just have a whole lot of righteously just rage at horrible awful self-righteous self-absorbed malicious manipulative dehumanizing self-pity bastards who take 0 responsibility for their evil or admit it, and Amanda & John are two at the way top of that rage list. It’s a dark but powerful headspace when I think of them. I become very powerful...but also very enraged. Lol, anyway, here’s the breakdown you didn’t need, but it is throrough!

[homosexualadventure]

not to praise cishet white men for... anything, but there’s a big fat reason why polygon’s videos are such a safe space for so many people. it’s not because they’re made by several cishet white men i should NOT have worded this like that but it’s because the video team is made up of genuinely good people who keep striving and pushing and fighting for things that are important, making sure their positive messages don’t get lost in their comedy (unraveleds and clayton’s videos are a good example of this, you cannot watch one goddamn unraveled without socio-political commentary. the big pharma part of the pokerap, the anti-capitalist themes in,,,,, all of them, or the body modification does not make you less human bit in bdg’s cyberpunk 2077 video. clayton’s videos are similar in that most of them are fairly anti-capitalist/consumerist and hell yeah babey that shit FUCKS. notable examples are the very obvious katamari damacy video and his crackdown 2 video). to put it concisely, they use their platform and their privilege in positive and meaningful ways, and that’s a big deal. and like i said, i don’t want to sit here and go “pat did a charity stream? KING 😩😩😩👑👑” because jesus christ! there sure is enough of that! but it is always....unexpected, to me, when i find out there’s cishet white dudes out there using their platform to a very full capacity. 

and to call out pat specifically, there is a REASON why so many non-cishet white men feel comfortable around him, or watching his videos. he makes his content welcoming and kind and caring and that’s deeply appreciated. by me. 

but back to it. i am, however, fucking TIRED of seeing people praise internet personalities/celebs (or celebs of any sort) for doing the bare fucking minimum. it’s really goddamn easy to caption your video “arrest the cops who killed breonna taylor” but it’s not as easy to actually DO shit about it. i take that back, actually. it IS pretty goddamn easy. imagine having money or any sort of fame and not using that platform, that position of power, to help people who NEED it. like what’s at stake? your job? fuck right off! that’s just capitalism and i am sick of hearing about it. 

polygon is....questionable, currently. the company, not the employees. the vox union is fantastic and i love them. fuck yeah unions! but the company and vox media as a whole is....i think about this every day imagine being a motherfucking billionaire and taking a 50% pay cut. are you serious? what do you need half of a billionaire’s income for? your seventh car? Fuck You! you’re going to lay off seventy employees because you couldn’t just stop getting paid for a few months? you could retire now and die rich, but you still, need, more, money. bullshit. and furthermore the way they pay and treat their woc employees is fucking ridiculous. i love brian. he’s a good guy who makes good shit online. i FULLY believe he deserves every cent he earns, and i am not calling him out for fucking anything. but how the hell is he making 85k while the rest of his coworkers are making at MOST 68k? are we fucking serious here? that’s the wrong way to run a company. and for a title change? jesus! and if 85k is not much for nyc.....and everyone else is getting paid in the 50-68k range.....what! the fuck! i’m tired. i am old and tired of this shit. and now they’re hiring a new employee, after laying off seventy employees, instead of paying their current employees better? huh??????? Huh????????? and GOD seeing people praise brian to no end for tweeting his salary (i will say that was mostly on twitter and at least to my knowledge it didn’t really happen here) ....i am boiling. again! that was a good thing to do! and it opened the door for several of his coworkers to do the same thing! hell yeah! but it’s not..............like maybe it’s time to STOP crowning people for doing the right thing, because MAYBE, we’re feeding into the idolizing celebrities culture and maybe that’s unhealthy and unstable. 

anyways i think i went on a long tangent here and i’ve lost my point and i am realizing that my point was: <3 i love the polygon team. and i do! i love them and i love their videos and the content they put out and it’s because they feel trustworthy and safe and warm for people (me) that cannot find that safety in other places (me) because not enough people are using their platforms to specifically include marginalized communities (me). so i appreciate what they do and how they do it, but i do think it’s well past the time to stop praising cishet white men for doing shit they really should be expected to do as decent human beings. 

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

Speachless (part 1)

Summary: after a few days out visiting your mom in other state, Alana calls you to tell you Will was arrested for the murder of Abigail Hobbs and the victims of the copycat killer. You and Will are currently involved, and you know he’d never do something like that but, with consistent evidences and all fingers pointed to him, how would you prove the man you love is innocent? 

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: swearing, a little angst

Word count: 2843 

A/N: Hannibal again! Haha, I’m still obsessed and managed to introduce a friend to the show, soon I’ll start a cult (just kidding. Or am I?). One of the things that bothered me and my friend the most at the end of season one was how everyone just turned their backs to Will so quickly. I understand, they’re FBI, there were evidences, but I don’t know, maybe it’s my favoritism for the character talking. My friend also said that she found unnerving how he’s treated like a machine, a tool, especially by Jack Crawford. That stuck in my mind for days, and I decided to write something at the end of season one to let my mind flow my frustration. Hope you guys enjoy it! Probably there will be a second part of this, I still have a few scenes in my mind and this was supposed to be a oneshot. Let’s see how it goes.

XXX

“What do you mean he was arrested?” My voice trembled while I drove as fast as I could back to Virginia. “Alana, you have to tell me what's going on. Will doesn't need to be arrested, he needs…”

“Some evidences where found in his house yesterday, Y/N.” Her voice faulted, and I could hear her sadness bursting out and reaching me like a breeze. “We really tried to contact you. The FBI found genetic material of the victims of the copycat. They... They think Will killed all those people”.

For a second, I felt my hands go numb. My eyes were wide, my mouth dry. I had no reaction. I lost my attention on the road, only to regain it by almost hitting a huge truck. 

I yelled in anticipation, turning as much as I could. The car drove off the road, skidding on sand and finally stopping a few meters ahead.

“Y/n? What's happening?” Alana's voice sounded urgent and took me out of my daze. “Y/n, are you okay?”

“This is ridiculous!” I snapped, and Alana sighed with relief. “Will did not kill them! He wasn't even sick when Cassie Boyle or Marissa Schuur was murdered.”

“The evidences were substantial. And after Abigail, after today, there's nothing we can do for him... At least not anymore” Alana admitted with moderated grief. I felt my mouth dry at the same time I could feel my own sweat soak the wheel under my hands. I could also feel my nails digging so hard the pain woke me up.

“Fucking Jack Crawford” I tried not to sound so revolted, but I couldn't help it. “Damn FBI. We warned him. We saw Will lose his sanity over and over and we didn't do shit. We saw he was breaking. Goddammit... We failed him.”

“I know you two were...” She hesitated, looking for words to put it lightly. “Involved. He escaped custody while he was being taken to Baltimore State Hospital this afternoon. Just promise me you won't do anything stupid and will call Jack or me if he tries to reach you.”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, uncertain of what to say.

“Y/n.” Alana tried again in a softer tone. “Will's not himself at the moment. He killed Abigail and maybe four more people. I... I don't want to worry about you too.”

I realized how much wrecked she sounded, and a small and unwanted smile crossed my lips.

“I'm a big girl, Lana. You don't have to worry about me, you know?” I tried to laugh it off, but it just came out as a cry.

“Jack wants to see you. You might need to give a statement.” She replied. “We tried to contact you sooner. How's your mom?”

“She’s fine, it was just a warning for her to stop eating junkie food all the time. I can't do this right now, Alana. I can't just chit chat like that and I can't see Jack being this affected. I need to clear up my head. I'll go home, have a shower and...”

My voice just faded as I rubbed my eyes. How was that happening? The last time I talked to Will, he said he was planning to take Abigail Hobbs to Minnesota. That was three days ago. How did so much happen in this short matter of time? 

“What did Hannibal say in all of this? He was supposed to warn Jack if he'd seen Will would break. Where was he in all of this?” I couldn't hide my annoyed tone. Hannibal was an old acquaintance of mine as well as Alana's, and I'm sure he'd find my tone quite insolent if he could hear me right now. 

“He was the first one Will called. He showed me a drawing he made of a clock two weeks ago. It was normal. Whatever it is, it's something that comes and goes and gives him episodes of instability.”  

“Couldn't it be some sort of encephalitis?” I asked after a few seconds of silence, trying to see the evidences. “He had a lot of fever, especially by night time. It got worse after a while. Sometimes he'd like... Vanish mentally to somewhere I couldn't reach. I'd talk to him, but he wasn't really there, you know? In his own mind.”

“I thought about encephalitis, too. He escaped custody before we could run some tests. That's also why we need to find him as soon as possible. It's a dangerous condition, he needs treatment.”

“You're absolutely right. Of course, I'll... See what I can do.” I hated the way my voice sounded so unsure, and I knew Alana would notice it.

She sighed.

“Are you sure you're okay to drive? If you text me your location, I can pick you up.”

“I'm fine. Just half an hour and I'll be home safe and sound.” I said in a melancholic tone. “I'll call Jack later and see what I can do to help.”

She probably was relieved to see some sign of cooperation, even if I didn't really mean it. I hung up and, before I could even realize, drove to Will's place even knowing he wouldn't be there. Of course he wouldn't. I just needed to be sure.

A few minutes later, I parked outside, getting out of the car with my legs like jelly. Not even the dogs were there. That broke my heart even more, as if they extinguished all of Will's essence of the place. I went back to the car with my heart heavy, heading straight home. A shower would do me some good.

By the moment I turned the key on the keyhole I felt the atmosphere changing. Like electric sparks in the air that made all possible hair in my body stand up. I could barely assimilate the hand gripping my pulse and pulling me inside, another firm hand shutting my mouth.

I tried to gasp for air so I could scream but, as I realized the smell that came inside my lungs, my whole body relaxed and I felt relieved.

Will. He was there.

He smelled like pine trees, wet dirt, aftershave and sometimes fish. And dogs, always dogs. A smell that was far from bad and reminded me of him. My eyes were filled with tears as I saw his state. He was pale, sweating and wearing an orange uniform. His breathing was accelerated, he was trembling.

I took his hand off my mouth and pulled him close, throwing myself into his arms. I hid my face in his neck, taking a deep breath. His smell, his essence was still there indeed. I closed my eyes as I felt my tears wet my face, and he hid his face in my hair, grabbing myself in a hug so tight I could feel my bones cracking. I stood away only to see his face. He had this feverish complexion that only made me more worried as I recalled of Alana's words.

“Talk to me, Will. What's happening?” I practically begged, pulling him to the sofa. “God, you're burning up, Will. You have to see a doctor.”

“Y/n, you have to hear me now. Someone is framing me.” He started while refused to sit, his eyes a little wide. “Someone is trying to make it look like I committed the crimes of the copycat. We find him, we find the copycat. It's someone who's close, who knew the case and the evidences, someone in the bureau. Someone we know.”

I felt the shivers go around my body like an electric shock, taking a few steps behind as I covered my mouth with one hand. He sounded very sure, and I couldn't help remember the confusion that stroke his mind in the past few weeks. My mind worked fast and I evaluated all the information I had so far on the cases, trying to make connections. I could see Will was agitated but he allowed me to take my time, and his confidence on me gave me more strength. Even if you could separate the fact that Will was unstable from evidences and informations I had, for me there was still a gap. Missing data. 

So I decided to trust him. Trust the man I knew he was, the man I cared deeply about. The selfless, kind man I could see under his armor. Took me a long time to break through the thick layer, and I wouldn't turn my back on him now. He was not the "catching bad guys machine", and I felt like I was the only one that could see it at the moment. There must be an explanation.

“Someone that had easy access to your house, knew your routine, knew exactly what was happening to you...” I felt my heart pumping through my chest like a hummingbird. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was someone close. Probably someone I knew, someone wearing a social mask I couldn't see beyond it. I started searching for clues in my own mind, but i suspected any single little thing would seem suspicious if I didn't get more information. I looked to Will one more time, and saw a little pity in his eyes. No one wanted to find out that someone they know, probably someone close could commit those horrible crimes.

I sighed, scanning his face. In spite of the fever, he seemed more conscious that I'd seen him in the past few days. His eyes were darker, more vivid, glowing almost sickeningly. His hair was a mess, all over his face and gluing on his forehead because of the sweat. He was sharp. I could see it.

“You know who it is, don't you?” I licked my lips, biting my bottom one nervously. He followed my tongue with his eyes, and they seemed to grow even darker. 

“I might.”

“Tell me.”

“The less you know the better. If I'm right... I... I don't wanna be right.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds, probably choosing the right words. “It's serious, Y/n. You don't want me to be right, trust me.”

“I do. And I want you to trust me.” I pulled his hair out of his forehead, caressing his defined jawline.

He held my wrists abruptly, pulling my hands down. I didn't even blink, and he smiled lightly. He'd never scare me. I knew the man standing in front of me. I knew he'd never hurt me.

“You don't think I've murdered all those people.”

“Of course I don't. That was never in question.” I replied in a petulant tone. Will opened his mouth to speak, then closed it without making a sound.

“You seem to be the first.” He said, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice and eyes and avoiding to look at me. That broke my heart in a way that almost made me feel sick.

My eyes filled with tears and I tried to smile, probably grimacing.

“Maybe I know you too well. Beyond you boundaries and everything else. Did you ever consider that?” I asked in a playful tone. He didn't smile or laugh, though. He just came closer, touching my lips with his in a sweet, caring kiss. They felt hot and a little bit dry, probably due the fever. I could feel all the gratitude in his kiss, the way his hands held my face with tenderness. 

He broke the kiss only to keep his forehead on mine, his eyes still closed. My hands caressed the sides of his face as I tried to stop the tears from falling.

“Will. Listen to me. I know you want to catch who's doing this to you, and I think it's only reasonable. But escaping custody will only make you look more guilty, and that's the least you need at the moment. You need treatment.” I tried to sound sensible, but I knew he didn't need to listen to that. He knew I was right, of course, that was obvious.

“You're right. And I will turn myself in. I just have one last stop.” He seemed so certain I knew I wouldn't convince him otherwise. 

“Then promise me something, Will Graham.” I held him by his orange uniform with a pleading look. "Promise me you won't do anything reckless. Promise me you won't get hurt".

He didn't reply, taking a deep breath, his face getting sweeter.

“I have no idea what I've done to deserve someone like you.” He said, kissing me again. I held him by his neck as he touched my waist, pulling me closer, his agile fingers marking my skin. The kiss started to get deeper and deeper as I could feel a certain agitation below my abdomen.

“Well...” I pulled away, trying to regain my breath. “Let's get you out of this clothes.”

He was breathing hard, taking a moment to absorb my words. His eyes were darker than ever.

“Y/n...” He started with an uncertain tone, making me laugh a little.

“Well, you can't move around the city in this orange uniform, can you?” I explained in a false innocent tone. “What did you think I meant? You left some clothes here.”

He lowered his eyes, turning slightly red. But the cynic smile was still in his lips.

I climbed the stairs and he followed me. We entered my room and I went straight to the closet, searching for a few clothes I knew he'd left there. As he changed, I took the orange uniform and hid it in a large shoebox I had, putting it behind other boxes.

“There you go. All packed” I said, trying to hide how nervous I was lowering my eyes and staring at my shoes as if they were very interesting. He noticed, of course.

“Y/n…” He started.

“Stay.” I hated the way my voice cracked, that made me feel so weak. I was a very emotional person, while Will was more rational. Nevertheless, I knew he had his moments, I’d seen it.

He sighed, coming to me and lifting my chin with his index while caressed me with his thumb. I closed my eyes, rubbing my face in his hand like a kitten and cursing myself mentally for the tears that stained my cheeks. I felt so desperate. That was serious, he was being framed for someone else’s crimes, someone dangerous that all of us knew. And I had no idea how to prove it, just my blind belief that wasn’t useful for nobody but us. I was facing it; maybe, the following days, even months, would be seeing Will mostly behind bars.

“You know I can’t.” He said in a condescended tone, his deep blue eyes studying my face. “I wasn’t even supposed to be here. It was reckless. I’m sure Jack has eyes for me everywhere, including here. I’m already running out of time. And if he knows about us, then I shouldn’t have even come here in the first place.”

“I know. I’m just being silly.” I agreed, wiping my tears away with a little smile. “And Will, honestly, I think everyone knows about us by now. We weren’t exactly good at hiding it.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Alana was the first to find out, you know?” I told him as I avoided staring at his face, feeling my cheeks burn a little. “She noticed how I looked at you. She says I look like a fool. A beautiful little fool. I asked her not to tell a soul about it, but I’m terrible on hiding my feelings, as you may know. Especially… Especially when it comes to you.”

He listened to my words in silence, his hand still caressing my chin. I noticed how wet they were, he was sweating. I tried to imagine those hands committing violent murder, carving a macabre smile on Sutcliffe’s face, putting Cassie Boyle on the top of those stag antlers. That felt… Wrong. Inadequate. Maybe it was my feelings talking, but I just couldn’t see it.

“So, probably the whole bureau knows by now.” I continued, stepping away and breaking any physical contact. It would be easier to let him go, and he knew it, he saw it in my eyes. I held my body as a form of solace, staring at the floor. “You should go, Will. You’re right. This is dangerous, my house may be under surveillance right now as we speak. Just… Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

He hesitated, opening his mouth to answer at the same moment my phone rang. I startled with the high-pitched sound, taking the goddamn thing out of my pocket and checking the name on the screen. Jack.

I turned my back on him, picking up the phone.

“Jack. Yes. I’m here.” I tried to fight back the tears, sounding convincing enough. I didn’t even had to turn to know Will was gone. His smell slowly began to fade, and in a few seconds, I felt completely alone.

Part two

[ellaintrigue]

Photo credit: Julio Cortez/AP

George Floyd's fiance pleads against the violent protests: https://www.thedailybeast.com/george-floyds-fiancee-pleads-…

YES, racism is alive and well. So is sexism, rape culture, and homophobia, but you don't see the Me Too movement hurting people and destroying property...

YES, George Floyd was murdered. But this goes far beyond racism. I never deny racism, the recent murder of a black man by two white guys in a pickup was clearly racist. But this is an issue of MEN. And POLICE. Cops have always killed people, it's all a matter of what gets the most publicity. I see a photo collage going around of black people that have been shot recently by cops and I find it offensive. Where are the white, Asian, and Hispanics that have also been shot by the police? What about the recent shooting of a white woman? We are all equals, right? https://apnews.com/57b423dcf5e54bdb801d7ea564416a0a

Foolish liberal hypocrisy. Meanwhile I am seeing younger democratic socialists applauding the looting as capitalism being put in its place. What the hell? You see the first article above, George Floyd's loved one said he never wanted this. And what exactly is the relevance to his death? What did Target stores do to George Floyd? How is the guy walking down the street with a backpack of stolen liquor bottles contributing to justice?

This is bullshit of the greedy and the brainwashed, race issues and social topics have been long lost. The majority of the protesters seem to be males enjoying violence. Which again, is what it comes down to.

While a huge feminist, I have no problem admitting that men have their own separate laundry list of issues. Difficulty speaking out, and difficulty getting help for whatever problems they may have because of the stigma of society where men are still not allowed to admit "weakness." I see it in my own father who has outbursts from being overwhelmed by various things. Having to be a tough guy and a financial supporter to a disabled wife but unable to accept or seek support himself.

There are A LOT of angry men out there. Shit, they're justified for the most part! I would definitely not want to be a man. And that is where the position of authority comes in... overcoming your struggles as a male youth and becoming a cop or correctional officer.

There are so many great cops out there! But, I haven't met many of them. Because not everyone overcomes their past and becomes a good cop. Whatever they grew up with or were born with makes them relish power, control, and violence.

I, a lower class (former middle class) white woman, have been victimized by the police. If you think that's a fucking joke because I'm white, refer back to the original point: POLICE VICTIMIZE PEOPLE OF ALL AGES, RACES, GENDERS, ETC.

A few years ago I read an article about a rapist cop. He raped more than one woman, but when they reported it, they were dismissed because he was a cop. His peers made sure he was above the law. So then he rapes an older black woman, someone's grandmother. She raised hell and he finally got in trouble. Was she listened to because she was black? HELL TO THE NO, women are treated like shit. A black woman? I've seen black women treated horribly my entire life. It's just how it is.

But no one felt like bringing this pig to justice, because, well, white male cop. Cops obviously deal with criminals and folks they will naturally regard as lower class, and none of these folks are going to be believed over a cop. From dating men of questionable backgrounds, I have heard horror stories of prisoners being beaten by cops and correctional officers and all kinds of shit. But who is going to believe some felon over a police officer?

May marked the 4 year anniversary of my ex-boyfriend almost killing me. It was hell, I struggled all month. My mom having cancer, the anniversary, the pandemic, now everyone running around setting shit on fire because they want free TVs... HOLY FUCK. PTSD trigger much?

I've wanted to talk about that, but I felt I couldn't, because, well, he's stalked me since. How did this happen? People think I was a battered woman but that's not true. Women stay with abusive partners and I did not. I got with this guy knowing he had a record, as others before him, but did not expect the onslaught of mental illness. The guy before him was bipolar and would shut down, lay on the bed and just be totally mute or sob. This new guy, after about 3 months into a relationship, would have manic episodes that would lead to suicide attempts. Over time I found out that he was a diagnosed bipolar, and rumored (unconfirmed) schizophrenic. I begged and begged for him to stick to taking meds, which clearly helped over the course of months, but he would stop taking them because he felt he "didn't need them," which is the cruelest cliche of the mentally ill and why so many don't function at all.

So I ended up having to call the cops on him multiple times in the course of 3 years when he lost his shit. Not once did he ever harm me, although you can see, and I can see, now, that it was unhealthy and dangerous for everyone involved regardless. The first time I dealt with the cops over him was when he got a DUI in my truck with his friend. but the friend was driving. I woke up at midnight to this chaos and remember a black female cop intimidating me and screaming at me because I was standing near a beer bottle on the ground and I was "hiding evidence." Which was bullshit since the driver had already been arrested. Who the fuck cares about a random Bud Light bottle lying in my yard? The DUI was in Ocean City. Whatever.

The same fucking night my shitfaced, manic boyfriend logs onto my computer and reads like 7 years worth of texts between me and a male friend, accusing me of fucking him. After a long night of dealing with the other drama it was like hell never ended. He's on my computer, looking at everything I have and accusing me of cheating. Never met the dude, never tried to be with the dude, but that seemed pretty moot. Even if your partner has nothing to hide, you shouldn't be going through their shit. IF YOU DO NOT TRUST THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH, LEAVE THEM. IF YOU HAVE ONGOING ISSUES WITH MANIA OR PARANOIA, GET HELP.

Well, perhaps I seem a hypocrite in protesting violence against women, and I did something I'm not proud of: I punched the fuck out of him. He then got up and put my shotgun in his mouth. He didn't pull the trigger but obviously that scarred me for life. I called 911 and they chased him down in the woods and took him to the mental ward in Salisbury. I dealt with 3 male cops that were kind to me and said I did the right thing by hiding the gun afterward and calling 911. My neighbor also helped me, which I am incredibly grateful for.

I should have left, hands down. But because I never felt physically threatened by him: I felt I was helping him, he could get better, and I kept trying. I have never been a woman that wanted a "project" as some people want, where they find someone to fix or better as a person. But I loved this man and tried my best, stupid as I was.

He was fine for months after that, another huge factor in me staying. We were just boyfriend and girlfriend, enjoying life, until he had another manic episode. Once he went 6 months with no signs of anything at all. Again, at this point in things, I have nothing to candycoat in my life. I am an open book, and in 2018, came out about being raped by a man in 2011, and got judged harshly. I've had to accept that no matter what I say, I will be questioned and put down because that is how victims are treated.

So in 2015 he came home late at night, screaming the FBI were in the bushes and smashing things. He accused me and a family member of conspiring with the government against him and stripped half of his clothes off, threatening to kill himself. Just like that, he would go from a calm person that worked all day to a raging maniac in the most literal form.

I called 911 and was in tears by the time two very tall male cops showed up. That is the main thing I remember, I am 5'2 and these men were both over 6'0 and stood way too close to me. My boyfriend was running around screaming utter nonsense and one cop talked to him, another talked to me. The two men ID'd me and laughed at the fact I always wore lipstick, in the pic and in real life, a habit since I was 14. Then they told me they weren't going to do anything with my boyfriend, who was still screaming and stomping around. I said, "but he's clearly unstable and threatening to kill himself." Both of the cops stood roughly two feet from me, and the heavyset olive skinned officer moved in even closer, shining his flashlight in my face, his breath bearing down on me, and said, "if you call 911 or anyone again tonight, you will both be arrested."

I felt scared of them at this point and they told me my option was to leave my home, leaving my boyfriend there. They asked me if I had family in the area and I said no. "Well, we can't help you then. Plus we want to go and get dinner," the thick one said, before laughing with his partner, who was a thinner blond man. So they waited until I got in my car and left, then they left, leaving my ex still standing screaming in the middle of the yard.

I had nowhere to go, so I went to his aunt's house and spent the night. At one point in the night I heard my boyfriend's truck screech through Berlin, looking for me, but knew I couldn't call 911 anymore because I WAS threatened. And cops can do what they want, no one is going to listen to some white trash chick with a crazy boyfriend.

I called 911 one other time before things got truly worse (I know, right). I got one of the cops that I had dealt with when he put the shotgun in his mouth and he threw him in the mental ward after a brief car chase.

By spring 2016 my boyfriend wasn't working, binge drinking, and seeming off on a regular basis so I somehow managed to drop him off at a homeless shelter despite him initially standing in a Wendy's parking lot screaming I was out to get him.

Finally, in May he became increasingly manic before literally waking up one morning with this weird hollow look in his eyes and screaming the worst threats against me and his family I had ever heard. First I tried to be calm, then I tried to run from him when I thought he wasn't looking and he ran after me and jumped on me. And that was the first time I felt actually afraid that he would hurt me. I thought he would hit me. Instead, he dragged me through the woods by my ankles so hard my leggings were pulled down and became filled with dirt, leaves, and sticks, threw me on the porch and then dragged me into my house. He tortured me for 1-3 hours. I think it was between 1 and 2 hours. Years later I sat down with a shrink and told her, I can't remember, I truly can't. I just remember the intense fear and shame of what it would be like for my dad to come into my house and find me dead. The doctor pursed her lips as she listened to me and reassured me that people with PTSD often have trouble remembering details. In fact, I couldn't piece together how bad the whole thing was until 2018, around the same time I talked about being raped, because I had repressed memories so hard. There was a point where I vividly remembered everything both men had done to me respectively, including a lifelong physical injury I had also blocked out. Like, I knew it was there, I just never allowed myself to think about why.

Instead of killing me, thank fuck, my boyfriend left me lying on a plastic floor mat he had just put a cigarette out in that he been holding over my eye and walked out of the house, stealing my truck. So I called 911, in a sort of daze I seemed the most worried about the stupid truck. But I really couldn't comprehend anything at that point. I shouldn't have bothered calling, because ding-dong, who is at the door, but one of the cops that essentially kicked me out of my house in 2015, leaving me to wonder if my boyfriend would kill himself or burn the place down. The thin, blond cop. The first thing I noticed was his eyes when I spoke to him that day. His pupils were tiny pin-pricks and it was shockingly noticeable. He looked like he was blind or something, because he had wide blue irises with these teeny tiny pupils. Frankly it was creepy, but wasn't relevant to the situation. I told him my ex went nuts, then stole my truck. He starts screaming at me and asking me what I wanted to do, and why the hell did I call. I completely shut down and just felt scared of him. Thinking about telling him about the assault just evaded my head, all I could think was that I was being cornered and I had to get away. He walked around the yard looking at other shit my ex had torn up, yelled at me some more, then left. This cop was almost manic and I was afraid he would arrest me for annoying him.

I finally got my truck back with the help of my grandmother after watching my boyfriend acting insane in front of his boss, who he had driven to. The man got a restraining order against him that week after seeing the violent instability and I made our breakup official at the same time. I knew I was done the second he dragged me through the woods. That was the first time he had ever put hands on me and the torture session would be the last. (I was lucky in that he had tossed me around and suffocated me in a headlock, etc., rather than getting a knife or something... it could have been so much worse.)

At this point, regardless of what people around him did, my now-ex was clearly gone mentally. Not sure how or why it got that bad, but all of his issues just imploded on him at once, almost overnight. So 2016 to 2018 he stalked me and made my life a living hell. He called me and I was afraid to disconnect my number right away because I felt it was a way of tracking him/how dangerous he was any particular day. After screaming for him to leave me alone and calling the cops even more times failed, I felt I had to be nice to him to keep him at bay, or when he started coming into my job, so I wouldn't make a scene. I finally got a domestic violence order in 2017 and stood before the court and described my assault so the judge to decide if I had just cause.

About a month after that, my ex called me threatening to kill himself so I felt super happy about calling 911. Finally they would put his ass in jail. A cop in his early 20's showed up, flirted with me, called his boss and they told me that there was not enough cause to jail my ex. The cop told me to "just talk things over" with my ex and then left after staring at my tits through my sweatshirt.

More time goes by, more bullshit, afraid to go to work, afraid to come home at night. Mace didn't make me feel safer, guns didn't make me feel safer, having coworkers didn't make me feel safer. My dad was screaming at me that I had brought this all on myself by being with a nut for so long. I felt like a hunted animal. My boss complained about me calling out of work over this. Finally my ex's other ex-girlfriend who he was with after me comes into my job, says he assaulted her, and that he was dangerously obsessed with me and my boss finally took me seriously.

I couldn't do anything about phone calls or online harassment. He would message me online telling me he hated me and stuff and I would just block him. Then, one day in September, during Ocean City bike week, he showed up on a bicycle, cornering me in the parking lot of my job as I walked to my shift. I was in utter terror and for a moment he looked like he would attack me again but I just kept on walking, and did not pause. My coworker wanted to know why I was being confronted and I said "THAT'S HIM, THAT'S HIM. I'M SO SORRY, NIKKI, I'M NOT CLOCKING IN RIGHT NOW. I AM CALLING 911."

Two cops showed up, a male and a female and ID'd me, and looked at my DV order. I asked if it was okay for me to lift the sweater on my front seat up to get my purse and the male cop brushed that off, acting like I was a non-threat. But I knew I had to move slow, because, well, cops shoot people. White, black, male, female, non-bindary-gender, whatever.

They saw I had all my paperwork in order then they started fucking yelling at me! They told me they really didn't have time to look for him since it was Bike Week and they were busy! I don't know what else they said to me, I think they were confused about what phone number I used the most because I had 2 at that point. I broke into tears and the male cop said "you don't have to do none of that." I walked back into the store and they came back in again, and my coworker told everyone later on how nasty the cops were too me. I knew it wasn't just me but it was good to finally have a witness this time around.

They looked around for my ex at two known locations then gave up, I had called and asked. 3 days later he attacked his other ex, the one that I had spoken to and they arrested him on both that and my DV order. He was jailed for several months and since then his stalking has been infrequent aside from him popping up on Tumblr this winter to make fun of my cat dying. Because I left him, for assaulting me, he now, in whatever the fuck is left of his mind, wants me to live a life of hell. During one phone call he screamed "YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY UNTIL I'M HAPPY."

I'd love to count on him staying gone, but I know better. His brother added me on FaceBook not too long ago and I said hi, and he said "you know you're the love of my brother's life, right?" I told him I wanted nothing to do with my ex. "Not even friends?" I told him that my ex tried to kill me then made my life hell and he said he didn't know and the conversation ended.

I'm not afraid of my ex's brother. I don't think he added me purely to help my ex. This man isn't crazy. This man didn't try to kill me, and isn't going to. But the sheer mindfuckery of it: how can you try to get back with the woman you abused? How can you use threats to try and get back with her? Another time my ex called me and screamed over me posting pictures with my last ex, mocking it. Why would I be with him, instead of the guy that abused me?

...Why would I want to be with a guy that I felt safe with that never abused me? Golly gosh, no idea. But it's all just a headfuck that I will be scarred by for life.

Summary: Cops and the severely mentally ill are capable of ruining the lives of anyone, of any color. 🤷‍♀️

[dxxtruction]

eps2.2_init1.asec

Mr.Robot: Season 2 Episode 4

break-down / character analysis / head canons 

(Spoilers obviously, but contains stuff up through end of season 4)

A: first scene

I love this scene a lot so I wrote a lot. 

(The Memorial Day situation)

Elliot had been pen-testing, doing white-hat hacking for some wall-street gig. (Timeline= ?-May 2014)

He was on some type of project where he needed to hack until it was un-hackable. (Seemed dedicated to his job there)

Elliot is court ordered into anger management with a shrink (Krista) after being fired for destroying the servers. Hs he claims he was locked in there and fell asleep then woke up in a destroyed room. (I still suspect this retelling to be halfway unreliable even though it’s how it’s told at least twice in the show.)

This happened Memorial Day weekend. - night or around 5pm presumably - people wanted to go clubbing etc. and Elliot did not. They couldn’t leave because Elliot was working. (He didn’t care about them enough to let them go, or was just dedicated to his job you choose.)

        2. (Job offering) 

Elliot is offered to work at all-safe by Angela around this time (Halloween 2014) but it’s been months since he had been working so what was he doing?

A bunch of Grey-hat hacks to get shady people arrested? Seems he may have just finished one when Darlene arrived. 

He sees some potential in accepting, because it a Trojan horse (both what you think it is and slang for a backdoor into a server network). 

He���s been thinking about it, though we don’t know how long he’s been sitting on this offer. “the right access the right malware.” His plan is to take down Evil Corp (It’s the first time he’s voiced this, and Darlene doesn’t take him entirely serious at first.)

      3. (Darlene and Elliot)

Darlene comes on halloween, she seems bothered by something that may have happened that night (if my timeline is right it could be she had a fight with Cisco because they should’ve still been together then) whatever it is Darlene feels she needs Elliots company that night. 

This is the first mention of init-1 the code between her and Elliot. He tries to excuse himself when Darlene first answers, with an excuse he’s going out. Darlene picks up that this is half-assed, showing us that despite her being gone she knows her brother well. (It’s little things like these that give hints as to the hosts habits and how much they overlap with MM’s)

“Great Darlene, haven’t seen you in a long time either. I’d love to hang out.” Judging by the fact Elliot is just now telling Darlene he’s been fired we can assume the extent of there communication is pretty much zilch. Darlene has been away from the city for some time, but I’m not sure its ever mentioned how long. 

Per tradition, they’re smoking weed while watching the careful massacre of the bourgeoise (1984). (Darlene is a talkative/hungry type of high and Elliot just chills... and maybe has deep philosophical conversations) This movie carries a lot of importance because it becomes symbolic of F-Society. It starts out with the masked man killing the bourgeoisie kids at a new years eve party, but I do wonder if thats the entire plot or not.

Darlene says several things about it: 

(A) The movie was made to disprove meritocracy. (showing the separation of class through the absurd ways in which the characters act.) 

(B) it was the source of their psychological dysfunction. (Probably because it’s x-rated, I think this line should only be taken as a joke)

In the dream sequence later in the episode Tyrell and Joanna are wearing similar outfits to the brother and sister in the movie (hinting how Elliot probably sees them)

We get clarification on Darlene having Panic attacks, this is something that has come up before. Elliot shows genuine concern for her mental well-being.

 “Since when did pretending everything is okay become the all mighty norm?” *proceeds to act like that at the beginning of season 2* 

Unlike Elliot, Darlene has a digital social life. Has instagram, and orders off postmates probably lives a normal life of a 23 year old who happens to be really smart and good at stuff. I definitely think all that go thrown in the trash the second f-society became more than just a what-if. By the beginning of season 1 she’s just as off the grid as Elliot is. (But like I just wanna see Darlene live her life again dammit.) 

Sidenote: I wonder who this one is. Part of me wants to say this is Elliot the  host, but I have my suspicions MM took over after Memorial Day, (or at the least started to front more often…). Though it does leave me asking why there are sudden amnesia barriers in the time leading up to 5/9. Fragment Krista says MM found it important to start messing with Elliots memories and his past and inadvertently this meant forgetting his sister? Was it a subconscious choice? I can’t confirm, but I still do wonder how much of Elliot we really see in flashbacks and how much of it is MM.

         4. (“Do you talk to mom?”)

Dialogue: “No. You?” (“Fuck no, she still shits on dad every time I talk to her… I wish I remembered him better.”)

I don’t have a note really, but this moment is fairly awkward given what we know about Ed—d. Not sure how I read Elliot’s face here, but I think he’s probably on the same page as her because- 

Elliot has kept the Mr.Robot jacket.

I believe this indicates the host and MM I think are (were) both protected from knowing about what their father did otherwise that shit would be trash. I wonder Does host Elliot also have the view of his father as his only friend? Anyway I definitely see this as a trigger for Robot, like, thats his clothes for one and ed—d is sort of the trauma he holds.

A switch definitely occurs once the mask is on. There’s an awkwardness where Darlene loses her laughter: does she know exactly what his disorder is? I think at the very least she suspects and picks up on these things. She knows that Elliot is forgetful and experiences moments of derealization because she’s dealt with those moments with him. They are siblings after all, and I think this scene is pretty much in here to hone that in.  

Mr.Robot starts a whole speech about a plan to take down E-Corp. Elliot (in reference to everyone because I think this is a shared understanding) knows the hard part of this hack will be he fallout (“that’s the key, the follow through.”) 

More indicators he’s been really thinking about this for a while (At the very least since Memorial Day so 6 months; at most since his dad got leukemia). He (Mr.Robot) works out that E-corp will try to come back from the hack and there needs to be a way to stop the from happening. 

Destroy public confidence = destroy E-Corp  (And this is what Darlene’s been shown doing this season so far) 

He then takes off the mask and he’s gone quiet (dissociated?) Probably a switch back. (He looks at it in a way that makes me feel like he doesn’t remember putting it on.)

End scene. 

B: Darlene’s visit

“The only way to patch a vulnerability is by exposing it first. The flip side is exposing the vulnerability leaves you open for an exploit.” (I believe this line tells us this episodes logic)

(Plan discussion.)

The plan involves losing confidence in e-corp and Elliot has lost confidence in the plan. (though we are aware phase 2 isn’t necessarily just about losing public confidence, Elliot is later shown to not want this either). He sees it as too dangerous to continue on with, and he feels guilty about it given how Gideon was killed, he doesn’t want more people to die. 

However, I feel as if he probably already saw into all the vulnerabilities (because he’s like that). Already figuring they could be exposed (hence danger). He sees the best option would be to quit while they can, but Darlene is refusing. 

“What did you guys think was going to happen exactly?” - Darlene referring to Elliot as plural. (We love to see it)

Elliot says it wasn’t him who said everything. (Clarification that a switch did happen in scene 1.)

      2. (“This is what she does”)

What does darlene do? 

Likely: When she wants something but doesn’t give full honesty about it and doesn’t tell Elliot everything. In other words Darlene keeps secrets, and hides the important bothersome details. She sort of beats around the bush. (She does something like this in scene 1 she needs Elliots company but won’t talk about or say why then avoids confrontation of her mental health)

She’s doing it here not so much for her own comfort but the safety of her brother, because she knows he has vulnerabilities, and can be triggered and emotionally unstable. She doesn’t want to upset him because she needs him to help her and he can’t do that in an unstable state.

C: Chess 

1. (Meeting with Ray to play chess)

Chess isn’t really the focus here; Ray picks up on a lot of conflict happening internally, and as an exploit to get Elliot to trust him gives the chess board over. 

We see how guilt is burdening Elliot, and he is considering owning up to everything he did. Even mentions how it could stop Darlene from doing “crazy shit”. He doesn’t want to lose her either; or lose any more people for that matter. Losing people was not a part of saving the world he signed up for. There’s also guilt in general because of 5/9 because things are turning out bad. 

I’m fairly convinced Mr.Robot is incapable of feeling guilt, or is just hiding it behind the 10 layers of clothes. (Though I guess he’s never met Gideon so why should he care?). Anyway he is consistently focused on seeing everything through no matter the costs. 

I just find Mr.Robot coming in and saying he’d swan dive off a building for saying anything pretty funny (don’t ask)

He exaggerates a lot of the time but honestly sometimes he is dead serious about putting the body in pain or in life and death scenarios and so he can be fairly destructive so it’s hard to tell if he is joking, but hey MM (and to my hc host) does hard drugs, so...

2. (A game to end all games between us)

“Winner takes all.” (“Of what?”) “Us.”

(Mr.Robot really do be like “I’mma kill you or myself” Bitch I do not think..)

Robot says Elliot “will be absent from knowing. Losing time forever. A deep black void.” Basically he’s gonna throw him in a pit. And honestly it sounds confident, like he probably feels he can take full control since he’s been around the longest along with the core. (But we know he wouldn’t do it even if he could, the guy has a soft spot. Anyway this is like the IDK what number of times Robot be doing a loop around to get a point across to Elliot. He do be playing the long game and I think secretly he loves a good scheme.) (This is what Mr.Robot does.) 

Elliot gets visited by Krista in prison and has told her about the game. (Judging by the fact they meet in her ‘office’ and not in the “Kitchen table” setting we can assume they’re allowed to meet in a private location.) (Edit: disregard this bit I forgot about the reveal that he’d just imagining it on like two separate layers to feel safe enough to speak)

“Krista’s wrong annihilation is always the answer” (He’s just as bad honestly, Krista teach this boy constructive ways). He sees annihilation as self improvement, getting rid of parts of yourself that are ugly or unwanted. We create our identity around desire, and that means destroying parts that are undesirable so all thats left is practically a mask of who we are. (I think the tie into Whiterose through this spill about annihilation is a bit cheap but like I understand the choice) Anyhow Elliot’s pretty much agreeing to a western showdown and has no idea it’s all a rouse so Robot can have his point. 

4. The chess match

Ed—d apparently taught Elliot his first ways to code through teaching him computer chess. He talks like he really understands all the logic of chess which makes me think he was letting Ray win before. 

Mr.Robot definitely feels a bit uncomfortable with being associated with him just a hint in his voice. 

Ultimately they find out neither of them can either win or lose but Mr.Robot knew all along that would happen.

“Fighting for the future we want, it isn’t about playing chess is about what we do out there with them.” (peaking out of his ten layers to show he cares about the outside world, while also expressing how they need to get out of prison.)

“I want to be here Elliot, with you.” (God my heart.) 

D: Darlene and Cisco’s hook up

Darlene is very paranoid while walking around, she isn’t sure if F-society really are being offed. However in front of F-society she tries to comfort their suspicions. 

Cisco comes to Darlene to warn her about getting killed by DA… but he’s the one who ultimately gets offed. (Poetic cinema)

We learn Darlene’s the type to get upset and defiantly end up having sex in the bathroom of a shady dive bar with her on and off again boyfriend (also Cisco why didn’t you pull out before talking about Dark Army again, like dude lol.)

This is definitely the point they start getting back together. 

There a message in gold written on the wall that reads “There's an unequal amount of good and bad in most things. The trick is to figure out the ratio and act accordingly. Stay frosty all. Peace.” - its from this tweet: x 

Operation Berenstain is first mentioned. I’m in agreement the name references the popular conspiracy about alternate timelines. 

E: Leon lays it down

Leon asks Elliot if he wants to even be here, tells him he “has to dream in order to find out the future he’s fighting for.” (My initial though is I’m not sure if this means here as in prison or here as in alive, sorta feels like the latter)

“If you like it” (The future you envision) “then it’s beautiful, if it’s not then you might as well fade the fuck out right now.” (Hard) (definitely means the latter)

I appreciate Leon so much. “Existence could be beautiful or it could be ugly. But thats on you.” He’s really good for Elliot, really no bs, no loop arounds, he just tells it straight. And you know what? He listens to him because he actually goes to bed dreaming about it. 

“What is the future? Leon says one needs to understand that before they’re ready to fight for their existence.”

This dream sequence is so impactful, Leon’s influence. I’m not gonna go in on the shots, however we do get to see a really honest view on how Elliot truly sees the people that have been a part of his life in a variety of subtle ways. We see a lot of what he desires or seeks is happiness for everyone around him. 

“Will I reconnect for those I care for. Will I reunite with old friends long gone. See the ones I love find true happiness. Maybe this future includes people I never dreamed of getting close to. Even make amends with those I have unfairly wronged. A future that’s not so lonely. A future filled with friends and family. The world I’ve always wanted. And I’d like very much to fight for it.”

I bold texted that last bit because it really hits, and I think its what becomes the foundations for what Elliot ends up saying to Whiterose at the end. Not to pull a Darlene but this show is clearly trying to say how hard it is to find connection in a world of capitalist alienation. 

When Leon sort of digs into Elliot and asks if he really does want to die. Elliot’s dream confirms, no, we find out Elliot actually wants to live in order to improve the future, and he wants connections to be there. It’s what he’s always wanted. (Yet he still does the end all match right after this sequence because he’s convinced he’ll win and get that future on his own. Both these boys are very stubborn.) 

F: Do you remember the first command you ever taught me?

Init 1. 

What Elliot taught Darlene when her computer kept crashing. She says this in scene one, and its what makes Elliot stop making excuses. The same thing happens here, Elliot has no choice but to help. Thats what the code between them means: Drop everything and help me.

What is it? Init 1 is a run level in linux which indicates a single-user/emergency mode. Streamlining the route to only the root, while disconnecting from the network or multitasker. Used for administrative tasks.

Elliot has to stop the FBI from owning f-society and the only way to do that is by using Ray’s computer. (fuck Ray btw). Just to make sure, he asks Darlene is he is really needed by her or if she wants Robot. I think he needed the reassurance that Darlene still cares (and of course she does). 

The second part of the title is .Asec - android files preventing corruption from other programs. So the whole title translates to roughly; Help prevent corruption. And a nod to the way of doing it through hacking into the FBI android phone network. (These titles are genius and have so many layers)

G. Side stuff

1. The FBI have found Fun Society LLC through Dom. I love Dom but idk how I feel about her in these early episodes. She is a fairly good detective though. I think Romero’s character being linked to stealing power from the grid is a nod to the novel Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. Ellison touches on social and intellectual issues faced by the African Americans in the early twentieth century. Also I noticed Dom’s supervisor is there and he’s already seen trying to sway the direction away from uncovering he truth. 

2. On that note so is Angela. I think we’re intentionally supposed to be annoyed with her because she’s staying at E-Corp even though she knows she’s being manipulated. 

“All of my dreams are coming true right now.” - as the bastard guys are being arrested. Not to say this slapped but it did.

We find out Whiterose and Price are in bed together on this thing and this has something to do with Angela and the plant negotiations in the lawsuit. On the phone Whiterose is fussy about moving her operation to the Congo quickly. (lets not try to reason how this plan of hers all works or what the hell it even is). Things are awkward knowing that Price is Angela’s dad, I can’t tell if he’s actually getting close because he wants to know his daughter or if its purely out of getting her around he and Whiterose’s fingers. (both? both.) 

In any case I think Esmail sets up the Angela as a counter vulnerability within the main plot, as she’s being open to exploitation by remaining at E-Corp. (refer to the logic set-up) 

3. I don’t care for Joanna’s appearance in this episode but she’s running out of money to pay of this guy who has information that could frame Tyrell for murder and is still seeing this guy she definitely hates or likes him but doesn’t love him. Complicated. She needs the severance package to pay this guy off. Tyrell is another vulnerability but he’s undercover.

H. Head canons I thought of while watching 

If Elliot hadn’t opened the door when he did Darlene would’ve picked the locks.

Darlene’s go to is always some type of asian food.

The weed is Elliots but the Bowl is Darlenes.

We see coats on the wall hooks in Elliots room, but I think the likes the cold because its grounding so he usually leaves without one on.

When Robot is high (on weed) he just talks like nonstop.

Not a head canon really but I notice Elliot never uses the backrests in chairs. However Robot becomes the chair he is the chair.

Darlene stopped going to dance classes after the hack, I think Angela has also stopped going.

Leons favorite subjects are philosophy and history

[jerek]

[[MORE]]

i mean for gods sake in canon garrosh calls sylvanas a bitch and implies shes no different than the lich king but in my version she was killed by a misogynistic warlock, literally demonized after her death, and mourned in a Cringy but to my younger self quietly poignant scene by a version of garrosh that only truly comes into her femininity in remembrance and admiration for the woman who she feels alienated from in both nature and values but also spent so much time with, giving an honest ear to her cruel, world-taught views.

I mean for gods sake how did i write this. I accidentally wrote Garrosh as a nonbinary lesbian with a crush on a homophobic woman. Half of what i just detailed was a metaphor for things I would later go on to experience.

And i know this was some lesbian shit because it didnt end there. My version of garrosh was a physically imposing masculine lesbian, but she herself had an alternate version.

The alternate version was smaller, more normatively feminine, and drawn as an animal. In some branches of the story, she’s a reincarnation of the main lesbian garrosh, in a world where everyone else is reincarnated as a symbolic animal version of themselves, but in the main branch she never spoke, never interacted with anyone, and haunted Nagrand like a ghost.

Also let me talk about Nagrand. Fucking nagrand. When she got there is when the REAL feminist theory started. There were three main plot points.

1. it was revealed here that sylvanas lived on in a sort of afterlife. Not the empty blank void that Blizzard sent their favorite misogynist caricature to, to reflect the way they wrote her, but a dreamlike world that floated between the lines of the universe’s rulebook— surrounded by a perpetual rose-gold haze.

Sometimes it was a grassy floating island, with a single tree and a little pool of water, sometimes it was a modern driveway and a street and a park based on my own neighborhood, and then.

Sometimes they’d travel to the furthest edge of the afterlife, and there would be no great gate. Instead, there would be a silver strip, like a metal tightrope, and Sylvanas would walk her down it on their tiptoes, with only one of each woman’s arm extended for balance because the opposite hands were holding each other.

it was a dreamlike world, and until she gave up her life and met her there, she could only ever dream of it.

2. She did, eventually.

it was for garrosh. not my female version, because she had a different name that i would randomly change, but the male garrosh, the canonical garrosh, the garrosh who was meant to escape into the timeline she found herself accidentally in.

she saw him as a big brother, but at the same time, not. he was worse than her, and she knew that, but much like sylvanas it itched in the back of her brain that she could change him, that she could show him a new way like anduin tried to, that if this giving calm existed in her it surely rested dormant in garrosh.

because after all, like a nb lesbian and her favorite male character, she and garrosh were the same person.

garrosh was killed, and she sought revenge. wielding two axes— her own, and that of garrosh, she strode up to thrall and thrust her heart to the sky as she was struck down.

she went to the afterlife, and there sylvanas would sleep atop her chest, under the tree.

3. but before that…

you know how i joke about anduin being a lesbian??

i also used to have a virulent hatred for varian, from my version of anduin— another extended metaphor, this time for how neurodivergence affected my school life and my online life back in 7th grade.

and anduin snuck off.

almost every other day, he’d sneak off; sometimes to the animal world, where instead of being reincarnated he emerged from a dark, underground labyrinth in elwynn to a world that had never heard the words “prince of stormwind”— and unknowingly, he emerged transformed into a wild, half-maned feline.

sometimes to nyalotha, where he could rest, where he could recover, where in a single psychic scream he could eliminate the pull of duty and become not what he perhaps should have been, but what he was nonetheless happy to turn into.

sometimes back to veiled stair, sometimes he would burn the valley of four winds in his black-hole suspicions— he would drink too much of something shadowy purple— and he would sleep well knowing High Queen Proudmoore would understand that though destruction is a choice, one far easier than creation, sometimes the only real choice is whether to do something stupid or just stand by.

but this time, it was him and my version of garrosh. him, and her, and varian back in stormwind.

and he would ask her— why?

she would be silent, and keep bandaging his wounds from the local wildlife. they would heal eventually.

but he wasn’t the only insane, stupid one around. like a child younger than himself, sometimes she would leave their makeshift tent, and sit in the bushes, and sulk.

does it matter, one dream showed me her asking; my thinking, if it only lasts a moment?

he didn’t understand yet, but this wasn’t the branch where he ran from the same problem— a mix of his upbringing and the failures of his brain.

she would ask— “if i feel nothing for any longer than a few minutes,” in a tone i eventually thought betrayed who she was meant to represent— “how do i know that this momentary despair, this momentary rage even matters?”

“does it matter why, if i can do good only because i forget so often my evil nature?”

she would plead— smite her, burn a hole through her eyelid as was done to sylvanas, and remove what makes her this way. what makes her any way.

perhaps when she was redeemed, honorable by both orc and human standards, she would allow herself to die.

only one tear a night fell from my version of garrosh, and though they were both unstable, anduin learned from her. she was his mentor, his aunt, his idol, and his replacing parent.

when the si:7 found him, he was alone. he was scratching in his sleep at reddened pustules around old wolf-bite scars she had helped to close, and they took him back. as they do in every branch where he survives, by trap or by net or by silent cooperation.

through the fevers, he traveled back to stormwind. through the nausea, he embraced his father.

relishing the pain of red pox all over, pain body-wide that had never let itself exist without hellscream, he stabbed his father in varian’s own throne room.

this is how it must end with wrynn kings.

he didn’t know whether the guards slew him or arrested him. he saw only a thin strip of silver, splitting the evening sky, and knew soon he would be there with the woman he felt was truly worthy of being his family.

he experienced what she did. the weight on his heart, closing his throat as he tried to get people to see why he does what he does— why he sees the world the way he does, why it doesn’t mean he’s just a naive idealist waiting patiently for reality to beat it out of him. why it doesn’t make him stupid.

being haunted by himself. the dark face of the moon she was to him was small, and spindly, and though it was striped, unlike a lion, it wore a thick, soft mane from the top of its head down to its chest. he didn’t think the dead could laugh, but here he was— because what stalked him wherever he went was so much like her. big, and strong, and when he was alone daydreaming instead of performing for the crown, he imagined it free from the alliance.

dreaming of what could be. even with his own garrosh, he felt a familiarity that ate at him— how deep and warm his voice, how bright his eyes, how quick his temper— and how breakable he felt, from the moment his father woke every morning, to that moment in draenor where he saw another towering figure in solid stance, with hair long and tied, stare down at him and ask— who are you?

and with her, he could answer that.

i am what i am, he would tell her, the moment his soul untangled from his form, and there are no words in my language to describe me.

except for one, if his new mother would see fit— if orcish surnames could pass the grave he might feel around him were he able to move.

she had once called herself garrosh, because she thought she was him.

now, though it would take courage, as all things seemed to take when done her way— he would ask if he was a hellscream yet.

honorable to orcs and humans alike.

[mielikki-austin]

My imperfect recollection of the pilot episode of 9-1-1: Lone Star

So, Master Pancake did a live mock of the pilot for a show I somehow never knew existed called 9-1-1: Lone Star. JD and I watched it, and told friend Josh about it the next day. Me: I have to describe this show though Josh: please do Me: so this was made recently Rob Lowe is a fireman his son is also a fireman they live in NYC so RL was firemanning when 9/11 happened and he keeps a bit of melted slag on his desk Josh: This already sounds like the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where he's setting up a huge collision between a plane, a tanker truck, a dinosaur, and whatever other toys he has around. Me: RL is tortured because many of his friends have died from 9/11 cancer, and in the episode he finds out that he has.... LUNG CANCER! (dramatic music!) His son, who is gay (dramatic music!), has a history of drug addiction (dramatic music!), and ODs when the man he proposes to dumps him (dramatic music!) we're like 10 minutes in at this point Meanwhile, in Austin! Josh: Okay, you can cancel the previous statement I made. Me: A security guard puts a foil-wrapped burrito in a microwave, and sets an entire manure plant on fire, which explodes and kills the entire Austin FD except for one guy (dramatic music!) Josh: okay now this is turning into my favorite movie ever Me: Some Official Guys come to NY and ask RL to head the Austin FD, which he initially refuses because he loves NY so much but when his son ODs, he decides he's gonna move to Austin with his son and they're going to whip the FD into shape and he'll live with his son in a gorgeous house with a view of the Hill Country that costs $4500/month to rent Josh: (Checks off "The Refusal Of The Call To Action" from the Joseph Campbell monomyth checklist.) Me: RL gets applications for firefighters "from all over the state" He hires: -a Muslim woman who has 6 citations for insubordination, because she is a loose cannon -a black trans guy -an illiterate Hispanic guy who can't pass the written FD test, but has a heart of gold the one guy who WASN'T killed from the last batch of firefighter guys applies, but is a dick, barely keeps himself from ripping RL's head off in the interview, denies he has PTSD, but loses his shit when RL says he isn't ready to come back (dramatic music!) Josh: This is already a lot. Me: Meanwhile! Josh: WHAT MEANWHILE THERE'S ALREADY TOO MUCH STUFF TO DO A MEANWHILE IF YOU WANNA DO A MEANWHILE YOU GOTTA GET ANOTHER MOVIE Me: Liv Tyler is seen screaming outside of a house, accusing the occupant of murder. Josh: WHYYYY THIS IS TOO MUCH MOVIE Me: she runs out into the street to the crowd of people who've gathered to watch her scream at a closed door, and a kid in the crowd is having an asthma attack! (dramatic music!) Josh: WHAAAAAAA Me: She scolds his dad, who says he can't afford to take the kid to a doctor because he is poor and Hispanic She tells him to come to her vaguely-described clinic or business or something The police show up, and they know her, because her screaming at this door is apparently a regular occurrence Evidently her sister disappeared and she thinks someone in the house (or maybe the house) murdered her sister. (dramatic music!) NEXT, the FD is called out to a spicy food emergency Josh: NO EFFING WAY JD: This is not a movie, it’s a show and this is the first episode Me: a man eats a hot pepper and starts to die (dramatic music!) Josh: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPERS NOPE Me: RL and the multiculture pals show up, and start dick-swinging "clear the area, the FD is here!" Josh: Was this one of those "written by an AI trained on disaster television" scripts? Me: Then Liv Tyler shows up and swings her dick and tells RL &c. to back off, because unlike in NY, the FD has to back off in medical emergencies to her, as head of the PARAMEDIC DEPT (dramatic music!) Josh: How... um... how... how did any of the actors deliver their lines without falling over laughing? Me: RL is skeptical, and she says "You didn't read the Travis County manual, did you?" and throws the spicy food victim on the table, cuts his lung open, and saves his life (dramatic music!) Josh: wait no no no no Me: next emergency! (dramatic music!) Josh: no cutting on lungs that's not a thing you do for spicy food NO MOAR EMERGENCIES EVERYONE GO TO BED NAO Me: a woman is in a car wreck, her car is upside down on the road and we find out that she is PREGNANT (dramatic music!) RL directs everyone to do things, because the water on the road smells like gas, and jaws of life are invoked, and stuff happens Josh: of course stuff happens absolutely everything happens in this thing nothing is not happening Me:  then the woman cries "but my baby!" Turns out, there was another child in the car (dramatic music!)  everyone looks for the baby, who is eventually found 30 feet up in a tree (dramatic music!)

Josh: YOU ARE MAKING THIS UP THIS IS NOT A REAL THING THAT REAL HUMANS MADE FOR SERIOUS Me: he was flung out of the car (still in his car seat) into the tree when the car rolled I AM NOT KIDDING Josh: I KNOW YOU ARE NOT KIDDING BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE THIS THING WAS ACTUALLY MADE Me: Meanwhile! Josh: NO MOAR MEANWHILE I MEAN IT TOO MUCH MEANWHILE MOVIE Me: Guy with PTSD is at home getting shitfaced and continuing to insist to his black wife (dramatic music!) that he doesn't have PTSD she reminds him of his nightmares and stuff he whines that it's not fair Josh: that checks out Me: she reminds him that she is black so he can shove it with this not fair bullshit Josh: new favorite character JD: Seriously this is a 48 minute pilot Josh: it was gonna be toddler-in-a-tree but black wife is my new favorite character Me: she coaxes him to take her out to the apparently one bar is Austin, which is possibly the actual Broken Spoke bar Josh: WHY NOT Me: so they can at least get fucked up in a bar instead of at home like losers turns out, RL and Liv Tyler and their crews are there celebrating after the tree baby incident Josh: this movie needs more Adderall. Or less Adderall. I don't know. Me: Liv dares RL to join her in line dancing, which RL is REALLY GOOD AT (dramatic music!) Josh: YAY RL YOU MIGHT HAVE PICKED A BAD MOVIE BUT YOU'RE STILL AN OKAY DUDE Me: RL explains that country was really popular in NY a few years back Josh: It was. Sigh. He's not kidding. Me: RL also has a touching moment with his gay drug son, who thanks him for making him move to Austin, then gay drug son starts line dancing with, I think, illiterate Hispanic guy with the heart of gold? Josh: BINGO That's a BINGO on the card I just invented for this pilot. Me: black wife confronts RL in the parking lot and tells him to SAVE HER HUSBAND because he SAVES PEOPLE RL agrees to let clearly mentally unstable PTSD guy come back to work THE NEXT DAY Josh: IF THIS THING MEANWHILES AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD Me: PTSD guy comes to the station, and notices all the dead flowers people had left for the dead fireguys at the station in the garbage so he immediately starts giving RL shit about being a city slicker who is a Big Damn Hero because of 9/11 who's coming down from on high to help the FD that was fucked up by exploding poo RL says "I have cancer" (dramatic music!) Josh: YES Me: and PTSD guy is all, okay, but you're still on my shit list for throwing away the dead flowers then he turns the corner, and over the bay where the trucks come out of the station is a thing with the pictures of all the dead poo firemen and a sign that says "WE REMEMBER" or some shit (dramatic music!) PTSD falls down and starts crying Josh: YAAAAAY Me: RL tells him it's going to be okay and PTSD is a bummer and stuff then a little white girl and her white mom show up to give cookies that they made to the new crew, turns out they are the daughter and wife of one of the dead firemen Josh: this show just fires pathos at you like a six-year-old with a t-shirt cannon Me: cue montage of Muslim woman praying, trans guy considering his skin care regimen (I forgot about the part where RL helps trans guy with his skin care regimen), illiterate Hispanic guy is cleaning the firetrucks or something, and roll credits Josh: THREE MORE PATHOS PLEASE FOONT FOONT FOONT Me: I wanted to lay it all out before I forgot, and marvel at the trope-fest Josh: How many people wrote this movie? And how much speed did they have in the writers' room? Me: all of it oh man, check these out; the first episode was a harbinger of trope saturation to come: (Wikipedia episode synopses) "The team responds to a man suffocating in corn within a grain silo" "The team is called to a brawl at a male strip club; Paul helps Josie, who got hit in the eye with stripper glitter." Josh: I like how they have to clear out a rattlesnake infestation with a fire extinguisher. Me: "At a sirloin eating contest a woman collapses" Josh: "Owen gets good news about his cancer while learning that his experimental immunotherapy drug was tested on dogs, some who were abandoned. He adopts Buttercup, a Bernese Mountain Dog who has the same kind of lung cancer, as the 126's new semi-destructive mascot." Me: "On another call at a cow breeding facility, a disgruntled customer sets a fire to distract from his theft of bull semen." Josh: "On another call, a handyman's epileptic seizure is mistaken for electrocution." THIS PAGE IS THE GODDAMN BEST JD: And don’t forget this is all very clearly filmed in Southern California that is standing in for Austin Me: yeah, the trees were all wrong Me: "On another call Grace helps an older man with a flu who ingested a cloud of cremains while disposing of a friend's ashes." "The team responds to a used car lot event where a bull got caught in the side of a vehicle and needs the hydraulic jaws-of-life" "a man hit in the head reveals to the paramedics he has CPPD (calcium pyrophosphate dihydrate crystal deposition disease), a condition characterized as extra painful arthritis. En route to the hospital he goes into cardiac arrest needing defibrillation; the treatment reacts with the man's ingested medication causing a toxic vapor which causes the ambulance crew to pass out, and the vehicle to flip." Josh: THIS IS AUSTIN WHY ARE THERE BULLS EVERYWHERE Me: "The team at 126 deal with a call at a gender reveal party when a man is burned by a grill." TEXAS TEXAS TEXAS JD: Austin is a small town where people ride horses to work Josh: I'm not gonna lie, living in this fucked version of Austin would be awesome. Me: Jesus. Just read the whole last episode.

"Chaos ensues in Austin when a solar storm causes the electricity and power equipment to malfunction. Them 126 team has to rescue the passengers of a light aircraft caught in the lines of high voltage electric towers while transporting a sick man for a liver transplant. During an outing with Carlos, TK questions his relationship with him after Carlos begins asking. When the malfunctioning traffic lights cause several accidents, they rush to help people before the 126 arrives. In the homeless camp, Michelle discovers that her lost sister is alive and living there. Michelle and her mother try to get her back home but she chooses to stay at the camp, despite her schizophrenia. With the lines scrambled, Grace gets a call from the damaged ISS, and manages to connect its last astronaut, dying from radiation poisoning, with his family to say goodbye. Back at the park, TK confesses his addiction to the rest of the team and that he's realized he wants to be a firefighter after all. Later, he also reconciles with Carlos."

[van-dyne]

"im trying to protect her" *calls wanda a weapon of mass destruction* *brings a literal high schooler to fight his battle* steve is such a hypocrite. lol ok "So tell me, Steve Rogers, in what way would letting her go to Walmart be a good idea?" maybe because this is a free country and wanda has the right the to be free.

“Can I point out that Steve picked to take “She’s just a kid” Wanda into combat over combat veteran James Rhodes and indestructible android Vision?” not to be rude, but tony is the one who literally funded the facility where steve trained wanda and the others. FOR COMBAT. in front all the other ADUTL avengersok but wanda is at least trained. she was trained by fucking black widow and steve rogers. the best of the best. where tony just took a high schooler from his home. who has a life, a family, a place to live unlike wanda. and drops him in the middle of the battleground. like that’s so much worse. i love tony too, but goddamn that post is flawed.

First of all, if you have a problem with what is said on the post, why dont you send a message to those people who commented on it?? why are you venting out on me when none of those comments belong to me???? I reblog it because I agree with what the reblogged tags said, the first part of the comment, that is pointing out what Tony was going through up till that point, if you actually read what those tags were saying, here:

#Tony’s SCARED AS SHIT HERE; IS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY #he’s not all Angsty Accountability Speeches anymore; he’s worried and fumbling #and then it all comes down to ‘GIVE ME A BREAK! I’m doing what has #to be done to stave off something worse’ oh my god fam HE IS SCARED OF WHATS GONNA HAPPEN#at this point he KNOWS HOW WRONG THIS ALL CAN GO FOR STEVE AND THE OTHERS #later on we see ross rubbing people’s deaths on tony’s face after bucky’s escape; telling him that if steve kept antagonizing he was gonna get shot. #ross holds tony accountable for the airport fiasco as well and says he deserved to be in a cell because OTHER PEOPLE escaped  #like tony is viscerally aware that everything they’re doing; they’re doing with political AND LITERAL guns pointing to their heads #and that awareness is already present during the early berlin sequence #when tony’s line of argument has gone from Ideal to Pragmatic Shit - sign this so bucky won’t GO TO A WAKANDAN PRISON #I’m doing this because WANDA IS A POLITICALLY UNSTABLE WMD #he isn’t talking like the accords are the Right Thing To Do anymore #he’s talking like the accords can be ‘amended’ and they need to ‘put out the PR fires’ #and he’s behaving as if someone outside these walls had a gun pointed to their heads #(GLASS WALLS by the way THEYRE IN A LITERAL GLASS CAGE)

I did say in my tags that ‘#they both could have handled the whole thing better’, ‘#but tony has a legit point and concern and it’s out of fear and worry’ If only they can only sit down and talk and understand each other’s concern and pov, instead of you know, storming out the room. My whole point being is I don’t understand why people can’t understand Tony’s concern and worry, with Ross breathing down his neck, the accords, the UN, the media, the government, the families of the deaths, are all giving the Avengers, Tony pressure, and they’re never shy to express that they are more than ready to arrest Wanda. Tony is truly trying to protect and prevent Wanda from getting arrested by keeping her in the compound, under supervision of an other Avenger. He’s relying on the accountability that he and Vision (who signed the Accords) have to gain the trust from the government the UN and the rest in order to keep their hands off Wanda. So I guess to answer your ‘it’s a free country, Wanda has right to be free’ comment, sure, she can leave the compound, Tony’s will to keep her in the compound holds no legal authority, but then she will have to face the consequences herself, because you’re forgetting the fact that everyone is out for her blood at that moment, and that she is not a US citizen, the police can arrest her, and people are afraid of her power, so when they’re afraid they’ll try to contain/attack her and she will react and god knows what will happen because even she doesn’t have full control of her own power. Yeah it’s not a nice thing to say calling her ‘weapon of mass destruction’, but it’s sadly what the rest of the world sees her as after Lagos. 

Do you understand the importance of having the public trust and good public relation in order for the Avengers to operate smoothly? The whole point of Civil war is telling you that the world, even the world with superheroes, is not black and white, just because you save some people it doesn’t cancel out the deaths you’ve caused, and just because you’re superheroes doesn’t mean you’re above the law and that you can ignore international boarders and get a free pass for the collateral destruction you’ve caused because you’re chasing the bad guys. There will always be consequences and the Avengers have to answer for it, it’s called accountability, and being accountable for your actions is how and why people would trust you. Without trust, the public would breed fear and resentment towards them, that’s why Wanda is better to stay at the compound and not out in the public until they can settle the incident in Lagos, because the public and the government doesn’t trust her. And like I said, Tony could have handled it better by personally speaking to her about this issue, he could have asked if she wants the protection, or if she wants to be held responsible of her own action, instead of making the decision for her. But I can’t fault him on his intention to keep her out of prison.  

LOL and the second part of your comment is just the typical ‘how to prove Tony is worse than Steve 101′ argument, Rule No.1: always bring up how he recruits a 15 y-o into battle! even the discussion has nothing to do with that! just throw it in there! because it will make him look BAD! I’ve been through this  x , x   we’ve all been through it so many times, and it makes me wonder how many of you actually watch the whole movie and actually pay attention. You can fault him for being reckless to bring Peter in, but he also gives him a high tech suit specifically designed for him to protect him, and he sends him straight home when he sees the battle has escalated and is no longer safe for Peter. Also y’all always decide to neglect the fact that he did not go to Germany with the intention to fight, 

Nat: Was this part of them plan? Tony: My plan was to go easy on them, 

Peter: Mr Stark, what should I do? Tony: What discussed. Keep your distance, web them up.

Ross gives him 36 hours to bring Steve and Bucky in,

Ross: I’m putting Special Ops on this.

Nat: What happens when the shooting starts? What, do you kill Steve Rogers? 

Ross: If we’re provoked. 

After that, Ross’s team will start shooting, so Tony and Nat’s objective is to bring them in safely, by their hands, not Ross, and they clearly didn’t expect the scene would turn into a fight, a battlefield like you said. Tony brings Peter in, besides studio decision, is that because he has seen how Spider-man fight, he knows he’s strong and can hold his own, and more importantly, his fighting style is not lethal, Spider-man uses his webbing to capture the bad guys, which is exactly what Tony needs right now, that’s why he brings him in to help because for the love of god he’s desperate. He needs to make sure they have the upper hand and bring team cap in otherwise Ross’s team would come in and their style is shoot first ask question later. Y’all like to give him grief for bringing a child in, but ever think of if not for Steve and co, he wouldn’t be in that position being the human shield between Ross and Steve, and like I’m not asking for appreciation, I’m just asking for understanding. Tony makes questionable decisions but please dont pretend Steve is oh so much better and come to my inbox on your self righteous high horse :) 

[maiasaliger]

Massive Zoids Shitpost Collection

Result of an eventful evening with @sir-phobos-boa, @zoidsarestillcool and @grubsnuggle which basically turned into the group effort of trying to describe Zoids moments in the worst best possible way

==========

“Hey kid you want to pilot this T-Rex that doesn't have any armor and could go berserk at any time???” “DO I?!”

“hey you know that organoid system that makes zoids smart and sometimes crazy? Bet I could install it in a gojulas” “pfft no you wont, no balls” “hold my beer”

“Hey your pet robot cat died, we were thinking about putting its heart in another robot cat.” “Okay yeah let's go”

“hey your dying robot wolf? How bout we take his brain and implant it into this cheetah”

“Hey guys this cheetah moves kinda slow can I take the fucking plate mail off of it now?” “yeah probably won't fuck it up” - later - “oh hey it actually worked!” “... what do you mean by that”

Dr D: “inhales yo..you know what i should make? like..a giant..super cannon..for that ultrasaurus” “what so making giant holes?” Dr D: “No no no, it makes...get this..black fucking holes...for science..” “wait what? why would you do that? isn’t that dangerous? like world ending dangerous?” Dr D: “Science isn’t about why! Its about WHY NOT!?”

“Don't worry, the lifespan of a black hole is exponentially proportional to it's size, there's no way it would suck up the planet.” “Oh, okay, well--” “Of course to weaponize it we'll need to make it so they don't disappear immediately, but don't worry there's only a marginal chance we all die.”

“hey you see these awesome boosters that improve maneuverability? I'm sure they'll work great and won't blow up!” - later - “... Woah they actually worked. Ditch that idea, never gonna use those again”

“Hey mom and dad, I'm gonna just install this navigation system in this giant robot” “Yeah sure son thanks for helping us out I'm sure it won't totally kill us and make you hate zoids forever” “why would you say that dad”

Prozen: “Oh hey guys I found raven, hiltz i need you to do me a favor. Give that boy a geno saurer..and then...fuck with him alot...and theeen...evolve it...it'll be awesome”

Also Prozen: “Yo you know what would give me unlimited power? Turning into a stone popsicle with flashing LEDs”

Hiltz: “turn into a rock with leds, it’ll give you unlimited power and you'll turn into the death saurer” Prozen: “wow rly?! that sounds awesome you're a good trustworthy guy hiltz”

Hiltz: “Man sure sucks what happened to Prozen I'm sure the exact same thing won't happen if I, I dunno, try to fuse with this horrifying scorpion”

“you see that giant dinosaur of doom stuck in that silver Toblerone? Apparently he's responsible for Mr LED popsicle”

“hey you see this shield liger with his shield deployed? Imma push my Zoid through it cuz I DON'T CARE I'M MOTHERFUKIN RAVEN”

“Hmm I bet I can punch through that Blade Liger's as-of-yet impenetrable e-shield if I shoot my bullets into each other” - minutes later - “holy shit it worked”

Van: “haha! you can’t turn while firing a CPC!” Raven: “hold my beer”

Prozen: “haha raven you can't defeat 3 geno saurers” Raven: “you..literally trained me to conquer armies...bitch you serious?”

Backdraft: “kid don't take on all those geno saurers” Vega: “there's three of them, I've got three CPCs”

“hey, hey, you know how to survive the totally deadly as hell charged particle beam? Point sparkling toothpicks at it”

“FUCK HOW DO WE KILL THAT EVIL GODZILLA” “guys load me into that cannon I'm gonna headbutt it”

Van: “I have an idea” Literally everyone else: “Oh fuck no” Van: “Why don’t we fire me... out of the gravity cannon” Irvine: “God fucking damnit Van” Moonbay: “lol lets do it” Raven: “CAN YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND AND DO IT I’M LITERALLY SOLOING A DEATH SAURER HERE” 

“We can’t fire a zoid out of the gravity cannon” Karl: “hold my beer”

Fiona: “zeke, van is taking a massive beating from raven and his liger is almost destroyed, what can we do?” Zeke: “>_>..bullshit?” Fiona: “uhh..van..believe..in..the you that believes in me..and the heart of the cards and whatnot” *blade liger spontaneously revives fully healed and defeats geno saurer* Fiona: “holy fuck it worked”

“your friend and pet dinosaur are in that swirling vortex of energy” “I'm going in” “don't do it” “imma do it”

“Van you can’t just jump in the vortex” Van: “U cAnt jUsT juMp IntO dAh vOrtEx”

Irvine: “so i get this cool new zoid for free and i can just run off?” Dr D: “ha haha, oh wait..you're serious, let me laugh even harder HAHAHAHAHA”

“hey u see this totally not suspicious giant iceberg approaching?” “what about it” “idk lol whatever” “I thought maybe we should take a closer look at that” “what's it gonna do, sink the capital?”

“hey guys I have the ultimate plan to win this race - secret government technology!” “u sure we're allowed to use that?” “yeeaaaaa you'll be fiiiiine!” - later - “yep those are the kids they stole ur stuff” “what the fuck Dr D”

Dr D: *has gotten everyone around him in trouble multiple times* “I've got this new engine for your race” Moonbay and Irvine: “oh thanks you’re great :D” Dr D: “XD these kids are so fucking dumb” 

“hey gramps whatcha doin” “I'm going to shoot a rocket into the atmosphere to change the weather” “I'm gonna stop you right there” “If you try I swear to god I'm going to find some hick to shoot you with missiles” “sure thing grandpa I'll just be in town seeing if there's a nice asylum”

“look at that lil shit on his bike down there, get rid of him!” “but... he's unarmed??” “I DON'T CARE I SAID SHOOT”

“Alright men we've got this giant mobile base zoid, who’s gonna pilot it?” Moonbay, not associated with the military at all: “Guys watch this I'm gonna hijack this thing, it'll be awesome” The gang: “moonbay you can't just steal the ultrasaurus” Moonbay: “hold my beer”

Karl: *looks at suspicious big red button surrounded by black and yellow stripes* Karl: 

“You can't just destroy your own base to rebel against prozen!” Karl: “hold my beer”

Marcus: “hey karl we took the base suck my dick” Karl: “wasn't that a bit too easy?” Marcus: “easy because I'm awesome yeah” - later - Marcus: “...” Karl: “they boobytrapped the base didn't they”

“Well sir it seems the death stinger has awakened” “fuck..well at least it can’t get worse” *hiltz turns the stinger into orbital fuck you cannon* “WTAF SPACE LAZERS?! SPACE FUCKING LAZERS!?”

Backdraft: “hey, the closest thing we have to a government is really cramping our style” Also Backdraft: “hmmmmmmm let's shoot them with the death stinger tail”

“should we have any real military force to make sure we don't get caught?” “no this kid in a lavender robot got our back” Vega: “hold my sippy cup”

Backdraft: “ok we've got this highly unstable zoid that tends to think on its own, we need an experienced pilot to make sure it stays in control” “Uhh..we've got this 6 year old” Backdraft: “perfect, suit that boy up”

“hey you see this papaya? it's fly-” “FOR FUCKS SAKE VAN FLYING PAPAYAS DON'T EXIST”

Moonbay: “there's this pimp ass guy with the gayest Zaber Fang I've ever seen” Also Moonbay: “damn I'm in love”

“hey so there's this wanted red organoid and yours looks SUSPICIOUSLY red” “it's paint” “shut up lil bitch ur arrested”

Van: “I found fiona naked in a weird room, did you find reese that way?” Reese: “NO!” Raven: “maybe”

“hey van u know you should stay here and not go challenge raven on your own” “yea sure I'm not gonna do that” - later - “I'm totally gonna do that”

*Van, 90% of the time* “HAH this time I'll beat Raven!” - later - “I did not beat Raven”

Fiona: “van you can't just let yourself be fired from a cannon” Van: “hold my papaya”

“there's this ominous impenetrable red crystal at a strategically totally unsafe place at the bottom of a canyon that has rising energy levels, what should we do” “gather our whole military and shoot at it, what could go wrong”

*van in jail* “so mr..van..you say you found our shield liger, but it was brought back to life by...” *flips page* “a dragon, and a naked girl...” Van: “yeah” “Sir what have you been drinking?”

“we've got this experimental spear system that we can put on your command would you like to try it out” “hell yes son” “okay but it'll slow you down a bit” “hold my eyepatch”

“there’s a military checkpoint guarding the path, how do we get past them” Moonbay: *starts pulling a wedding dress out of the trunk* “i knew i kept this for a reason”

Fiona: “do you..always carry around a wedding dress?” Moonbay: “..d...do you not?”

Burton: *blocks the door* Blake: “step aside bitch”

Dr D: “what zoid could we test these boosters on” Moonbay: “hold my beer”

“yo there's this rich guy who might be harboring these wanted kids, let's attack him and get the gloooooooory” - a few moments later - “I am not a smart man”

“sir last time we approached mcmanns property he said fuck off, do we have a warrant this time?” “NO but i feel lucky”

“Sir, he has the most powerful weapon of all!” “Wh-what is it???” “...money.”

“hey u know this game ‘the floor is lava’?” Marcus: “uhh” “WELL YOU'RE ABOUT TO”

Karl: “Marcus the volcano is reputing!” Marcus: “mARcuS tHe vOLcaNO iS eRUpTIng”

Thomas: “Fiona” Fiona: “What” Thomas: “Fiona” Fiona: “What” Thomas: “Lemme smash” Fiona: “no”

Thomas: “I...I love you” Fiona: “?...” Zeke: *crying* “I’m yours”

“viola you can't chase a shield liger in a redler they don't even have weapons or armor” “rosso shut up and hold my beer u lil bitch”

Irvine (to himself): “one day your organoid will be mine” Van: “what?” Fiona: “what?” Irvine: “what?”

Thomas: “raven couldn’t possibly wipe out multiple bases without his own zoid” Raven: “hold my beer”

Prozen: *talks strategic stuff* Hardin: “Mhm” *looks south* Prozen: *more stuff* Hardin: *sweats*

Fiona: “Hey what do you think would happen if we found god?” Van: “I dunno let's try” Dr D: "guys turns out there was some dust on the prophecy, it actually said ‘godzilla’”

Thomas: “I'm going to arrest this dangerous criminal, move away from that young mother!” Fiona: *turns around* “me?” Thomas: “..wtf was i doing again?”

“hey ur liger zero? i want it” “no” “f ITE M E”

“lady I can't put this many guns on a Gun Sniper” “it has gun right there in the name” “it also has ‘sniper’ in the name” “... here's all of Bit's money” “...........>> hold my beer”

“hey up for auction i have this rare but completely uncontrollable liger that no pilot can possibly tame” Toros: “I WANT IT”

“leena why the fuck did you order all this stuff for a gunsniper, it’ll make it super slow and hard to move” Leena: “you dont need to move if you can aim” “YOU CAN’T FUCKING AIM”

“We have six shots each let's make them count” “I just spent all my ammo” “what the fuck leena”

Leena: “FIRE EVERYTHING” Also Leena: “oh no im out of ammo and my zoid is slow”

Backdraft: “sir the blitz team is on the beach” Boss: “clearly they are onto our plans” Backdraft: “are you sure? how can you tell?” Boss: “they’re wearing swimsuits, obviously they’re here to confront us”

Fiona: *has interacted with this girl before, knows her name* Reese: “You're gonna die here!” Fiona: *pushes her boobs* “...WTAF YOU’RE A GIRL!?”

“Hey this is my ultimate Shadow Fox that I never use; original zoid; do not steal” Brad: *steals it* “HOW THE FUCK”

Prozen: “Raven I'm going to make you an assassin and the ultimate zoids pilot” Raven: “you mean you're gonna be my new dad?” Prozen: “No actually I'm gonna be a giant dick to you mostly” Raven: “..do you know who starscream is?”

“hey let's camp here for the night” “why are there dead zoids in the pool” “eh who knows, lol goodnight”

Herman: “I wanna pilot the gojulas” “no” Krueger: *gets injured* Herman: “NOW'S MY CHANCE”

“hey herman go pilot our secret weapon and kick their bitch asses” Herman: “ok cool” - later - Herman: “I got em on the ropes, Imma chase them” “herman the ground can't support the weight of--” Herman: “oh shit my beer is everywhere” Meanwhile, Raven: “HA, NOOB” *holding one beer in each hand and one with his foot while destroying fleets*

“yo so there's this death stinger whose beam can go through mountains” “let's hide in this fort going 2 mph we'll be fine”

Hiltz: “Raven you should join us” Raven: “Isn’t that the organoid that killed my parents?” Hiltz: “..>_>...uhh....no?”

Hermann: *meets Karl* Karl: “Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well”

[luirlar]

‘Razgovor’ is very, very dear to my heart. The number is the cutest, it’s pretty much a Shaw-centric episodes with flashbacks to her cute-ass 8 year old self, we see a big bad being bigger and badder, Joss Carter continues to be a boss ass bitch, and the ending is very promising. An A+ episode to make up for the blegh-ness that was the last one.

I have watched the whole show before, so SPOILERS MIGHT HAPPEN. Big spoilers will be blanked out but references and irrelevant spoilers are going to be out in the open.

We start off at the tail end of a previous case again. This time, Shaw saves a paramedic’s life and leaves before he says thank you. Harold is concerned about her bedside manner. LOL Harry, no one cares.

We then jump to Carter’s side project, which has been to follow and investigate HR. She hears Simmons talk about a big meeting between the Russians and the boss of HR, who we know is Quinn, but she doesn’t. And then she sees someone sneaking up on her. It’s John. Carter: John, one of these days, I’m just gonna shoot you. John: I get that a lot.

John was following her following HR, and has known about her side project for a while now. He asks if she needs help, she says not yet, and they have a beer. This might seem small, but the writers could have played that as a big reveal/surprise that John was completely unaware of (which would be unlikely in my opinion, and too much work), or a condescending (and hypocritical as hell) moment of John telling Joss not to do it, or whatever, but they did not. John trusts Carter, and he is there for her. The number of the week is that of Genrika Zhirova, an 8yo immigrant who lives with her cousin after her mom was arrested and her grandpa died, and who is training to be an international spy. Some people are trying to kidnap and kill her, and Shaw is not as kind and bubbly or whatever as Harold would like. He doesn’t trust her yet and I get that, but also, she’s done this kind of work before, Harold, and she doesn’t need to be perky to do it well. Chill the fuck down.

[1993] There is a bad car crash, with a dead father and a scared child in the backseat. The firefighter asks for her name. Sameen. She asks about her dad. “Hang on, kiddo. I’m coming to you”, the dude says.

Sameen and Gen need to hide out and wait for John, and Gen, spy that she is, is trying to get intel on Shaw and what she does. She’s pretty good. Shaw tells her she doesn’t know what they do exactly, and honestly, she’s mostly in it for the dog.

Gen takes Shaw to her listening station, where we learn she has a bunch of apartments wire-tapped, which may be why the Russians are after her. They bond over being spies, and Gen asks Sameen why is she “like this” (as in, not flinching, acting very stoic, not being too good with emotions). Shaw: You know that thing that made you flinch? I don’t get that. Gen: You don’t get scared? Shaw: Or sad. Or happy, or lonely. I do angry okay, but that’s about it.  She tells Gen it’s been that way as long as she can remember, and that she was about Gen’s age when she realized there was something different about her.

I dig that they brought up Shaw’s ASPD again. From her intro episode alone, we had no way of knowing if that was just a comment she made, or a thing the writers were going to play as “ha ha she is quirky and rude” trash. But here, a bunch of episodes later, she gets the chance to explain some of it herself, and we get some flashbacks. So I like it because they fleshed her out a bit more in this regard, but also that they didn’t make her personality disorder the central thing about her, because they let us know her in other ways first too. That said I don’t have ASPD so, maybe this is terrible to y’all in ways I don’t see at all. If you feel like commenting, I would love to know your thoughts.

The Russians poison the air where Shaw and Gen are so they need to run, and cover their mouths in the meantime. So Sameen rips her fucking sleeves off. Now, a shittier show would have taken this opportunity to do some fan service, by having her take her shirt off or something. But no! Instead they took the chance to make her more baddass, and did a different kind of fan service, a much more gay one, in my opinion. The bad guys still capture Gen, though, and shoot Shaw in the shoulder.

[1993] The firefighter chats with Sameen. She tells him that his dad is military so they move around a lot. (And Shaw recognized Gen’s number as a temporary immigrant one, possibly foreshadowing the later reveal that her mom was an immigrant or refugee. Ya learn somethin’ new every day.)

Shaw knocks out the guy who tried to kidnap her, and puts some construction tape over her wound (does this actually serve any purpose other than looking unexpectedly hot??). Harold asks her to please go to a doctor, that they’ll handle the case. She thinks she is being punished for not protecting Gen well enough. My heart is melting and oozing out of my body as I type.

Shaw does angry okay, indeed. She figures Gen’s cousin had something to do with her kidnapping, so she goes and questions him, and then shoots him in the knee. She is bleeding and ready to fight and I’m extremely turned on right now.

Here is a small collage of Shaw being hot in this episode (You’re welcome.):

Thanks to Gen’s tapes, and John tracking one of the kidnappers, they realize it was HR who took Gen, with the help of the Russians. They are making and dealing drugs, and Gen had proof.

[1993] The firefighter is terrible at giving children bad news. He says some bullshit about people falling asleep and not waking up, and so Sameen asks if what he means is that her dad is dead. The dude confirms, and she takes in the info, realizes she is hungry, and asks for a sandwich. He looks mildly horrified, like he’s never been made aware that different people have different responses to death, and different emotional ranges. He then tells his firefighter buddies how there must be something wrong with her, within earshot of her. What a tool.

(Quick moment to appreciate another classic Reese stunt: they’re interrogating one of the kidnappers, who has a tremor, and he puts some liquid balancing on his hand, telling him it’s highly unstable. After getting what he needs, John leaves the guy there, with the unstable liquid. Except, it’s actually just corn syrup. I live for this shit where John just trolls the bad guys, I swear. )

Shaw continues to be ready to kill everyone, and she tracks down Yogorov. He doesn’t know all that much. Because “cops might kill a kid, my people have standards”. That’s real, ’cause #ACAB #fuckthepolice etc. Side note, Yogorov is kind of hot? Like, I wouldn’t kick him outta bed.

But Shaw is way hotter, asking him all these medical questions that make no sense except if she wanted to… Yup! She is gonna plug herself in and get a blood transfusion from Yogorov, right then and there. She also gets Simmons on the phone, and asks for Gen. Shaw: Hang on, kiddo. I’m coming for you.

Shaw demands Harold to give her the tapes, unless he has a better idea. Which he does.

On another end of things, Laskey asks Carter if they can talk about a problem he is having, in private. He asks about her secret meetings and secret friends, and she calls him out on being a mole for HR. That’s right! Y’all think the queen of my heart didn’t know? Psht. And before Laskey’s dirty cop friend can shoot her, she shoots his ass dead. With Laskey’s illegal New Jersey gun, no less.

I’m so gay.

Carter: You don’t work for HR anymore, son. You work for me now. Oooooh shit. You thought you were in charge, sweet summer child? (Boss Ass Bitch plays in the background. As usual.) Back to the case, Harold has a better idea than to trade Gen for the tapes incriminating HR. Carter and John gave Laskey bad intel, driving Simmons and most of the troops away from the girl, thinking they were going to ambush the Man in the Suit, and get the tapes. Instead, Harold keeps the tapes, and John kneecaps most cops until the only one left is Simmons. They both drop the guns and fist-fight, which I don’t understand the point of, besides weird masculinity rituals. And maybe to showcase to us that Simmons can hold his own, indirectly signaling (with this, and his willingness to kill a little girl) that he is a much worthier, scarier opponent than we thought? Meanwhile, Shaw, ready to shoot everyone, gets to shoot a couple people at the drug lab where Gen is. And she rescues her! #SpyGirlSolidarity And then Harold and Sameen blow up their lab, ’cause, y’know, they were in the neighborhood.

Shaw takes Gen to a new fancy school, and Gen gives Shaw a badge that belonged to her grandpa. Gen: I know it won’t mean much to you, but it will mean a lot to me that you have it. Shaw: I’m just not wired for this kind of stuff, kid. Gen: I know. I figured you out. It’s not that you don’t have feelings. It’s just like, the volume’s turned way down. Like the sound on an old tape. 

I am dying. I am dead. I just… I’m dead now. And I want to hug both of them super tight and never let go. I want to adopt both Bear and Gen and move into a big house with my wife and my children. Anyhoo… Ooof. That was a good episode, eh? But wait. We’re not done here. We go take a look at Shaw’s bedroom that night. Gen’s gift is on her nightstand. She is so beautiful, so precious. But that’s not the point. She opens her eyes and sees… Root! Looking at Shaw sleep! Like the creepy-ass lesbian that she is.

“Did you miss me?

Heck yes, we did. And we are ready. So ready.

Today I (re)watch: Person of Interest, 3.05 'Razgovor' is very, very dear to my heart. The number is the cutest, it's pretty much a Shaw-centric episodes with flashbacks to her cute-ass 8 year old self, we see a big bad being bigger and badder, Joss Carter continues to be a boss ass bitch, and the ending is very promising.

[plotmaster]

psycho pass/yoi crossover

I try not to post incomplete things on here, but someone on my dash mentioned a psycho pass/yoi crossover, so here’s general idea boiling (thanks to @kiiyoshi for chatting through this with me) it may be a bit confusing because this is just ideas: 

I think if I did write the crossover it would have Yuuri as an Enforcer/former Inspector bc on a stressful case anxiety kicked in and he fucked up and his CC shot up and has stayed above 120 ever since, but he's still good at the job so they kept him in the team. Phichit was his partner Inspector, is currently the Inspector in charge of the Division, they trained under Celestino at some point. 

Victor could either be an antag that wants to coax Yuuri away from the MWPSB because they had an encounter years back when he was still an Inspector that Yuuri remembers jack shit about but makes Victor want him on his side (and in his bed, because it's them). Yuri and the rest of the Russian team could possibly be from a Russia-based terrorist cell that's dreadfully interested in taking out the System?

They want someone that has a lot of know-how on how the System works, so what better way than to get one of the dogs of the system on their side?

Victor: it's a totally logical decision, guys 

Yuri: NO YOU'RE THINKING WITH YOUR DICK AGAIN AREN'T YOU 

Victor: Yuuri Katsuki is what we need- 

Yuri: no you NEED TO GO DROWN IN THE SEA TO DEAL WITH YOUR THIRST AND THINK STRAIGHT

 Victor: but I'm not straight 

Yuri: WHY ARE YOU THE TEAM LEADER FFS

Guang-Hong is a babyfaced Enforcer with a high CC for unknown reasons and is proficient with hand-to-hand general beating the shit out of people if he's disarmed, Leo is another Enforcer. Minako is their analyst. 

Yuuri could have been an ice skater sanctioned by the System but he lost some of his passion for it (no Victor to inspire him) and decided to become an Inspector instead, he met Phichit and the Training Academy and they've been friends ever since, Phichit finds it awkward to boss Yuuri around so their Division actually works okay with one Inspector because he trusts Yuuri with responsibility. Phichit is a Good.

Victor and his team have been stationed in Japan for almost a decade, making connections and getting information. Yuuri used to ice skate before he took the aptitude test, and Victor would watch his stuff and was a fan and was hugely disappointed when Yuuri dropped off the figure skating radar. Years later when the team is starting to ramp up their activities (cultivating rebel groups/sympathies among citizens) Victor finds out that Yuuri became an Inspector. Team starts making more blatant strikes at the system like spreading drugs that made readings unstable so that innocent people ended up being put in confinement to spread public outrage (almost like the Talisman incident with a bunch of innocent people getting arrested, there was a bunch of outrage afterwards)

Victor finds out Yuuri is an Inspector because his team showed up to handle that incident, and he's been stalking Yuuri's case work ever since. Fortunately the case which tipped Yuuri over the edge was not directly because of Victor. Maybe It was a serial murder case - no someone poisoned several water system pipes (it was a plumber) and it was just incredibly difficult because so many people were getting admitted to the hospital and CCs were increasing because of stress and Yuuri broke. They still solved the case but afterwards he was put under confinement for six months and was offered to become an Enforcer.

Russia team made plans to break Yuuri out of confinement and get him to join but the System beat them to it??

Plot would be relatively lighthearted, I think. Yuuri is suddenly running into this hot guy during missions, Victor is blatantly basically trying to seduce him. Victor also checks out from being a suspect because his CC is low- he's probably not involved with these various cases. And Victor actually isn't involved in  these cases... he's just stalking Yuuri.

 Eventually though the Russia team concocts this huge plan that sends the city into chaos for days on end (helmet riots like Makishima did) and Yuuri is running around trying to keep things under control. At some point the hot stranger approaches him and offers him freedom from the system. It's the perfect time for Yuuri to run away, but he refuses because he has a duty to help these people. Cue an epic knife fight between Yuuri and Yuri (who jumped outta nowhere, had tracked Victor, was planning on killing Yuuri if he said no) and Yuuri escaping. Everyone yells at Victor for endangering the plan because now Katsuki knows and he's not joining them, Victor you fucked up.

But Yuuri managed to tell Victor to meet him again? He'll listen to what Victor has to say at least. Later when there’s no angry blonds trying to kill him. 

Second meeting ends up suspiciously like a date while Victor tries to seduce Yuuri to their side. 

Third meeting, Victor breaks down why the System is horrible and is very surprised when Yuuri snaps at him that he knows. 

Victor: oh

Yuuri: but just because the system is terrible doesn't mean that your methods are right either!

Victor: I'm not denying that what we're doing is wrong, and that our methods aren't good. But if you join us, you'll be free from the System, and you can make sure that our methods don't stray too far. 

Yuuri contemplates his friends. Phichit, Leo, Guang Hong. They'll miss him. They'll have KOS orders on him if he leaves. But he also remembers his horrible time in solitary, other people's screams.

And he takes Victor’s hand. 

Helmet Riots take several days to clean up, and since Phichit trusts Yuuri, Yuuri was able to run around doing his job with no handler, other than required check-ins on his status- and his watch is tracked, of course

So the meetings take place during the Helmet Riot cleanup. Victor trails behind Yuuri and helps him out while they talk

Their second/third meeting/date probably involves at least fifteen people being Paralyzed and arrested. Yuuri's modus operandi was to knock helmets off and shoot them, Victor makes things easier by knocking them off for him

Yuuri: you do realize this is YOUR fault //shoots another rioter

Victor: well yes, but I'm helping you, aren't I? 

Yuuri: I should punch you once this is over. 

Victor: if it means that I'll get to hold your hand later okay :D 

Sybil System is only in Japan, but in the movie they start trying to spread it to other countries so Russia wants them to Stop That   

Russia team  fakes Yuuri's death. he feels terrible when someone tells him that Phichit and his Division have been visiting his grave 

I would probably end it with Yuuri settling in with the Russia team and being together with Victor and them vowing to take down the System together. Maybe an epilogue years later: The truth has been revealed, and people are in shock. Phichit is hiding in his house not going to work because there's no point. 

And the door opens, and it's his long-dead friend.

"Hi Phichit. I came to pick you up."    

In summary: Division 5 is lead by Inspector Phichit Chulanont. Enforcers are Katsuki Yuuri, Guang-Hong Ji, and Leo de Iglesia. Okukawa Minako is the analyst.

Russia wants to take out the System because in the movie, the Sibyl System starts to spread to other countries. Let’s say that this is before that point in time, and Russia has heard of the Sibyl System wanting to spread, so they’ve sent the team to undermine it in order to prevent the System from spreading. Team consists of Victor Nikiforov, Mila Babichiva, Yuri Plisetsky, Georgi Popovich. Christophe Giacometti is a free agent from Switzerland that is aiding them. 

I have other thoughts on this AU but this post is long enough lmao. 

[amplesalty]

Day 2 - Santa With Muscles (1996)

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

2...4 inch pythons!

Once more WWE is neglecting their duties of providing me with suitable Christmas related movie releases so I'm forced to look further afield to fulfill my wrestler vehicle requirements. In general they seemed to have slowed down in the last few months, that Sleight movie did pretty well and they had a whole bunch of stuff out in August but nothing since. Note to self; need to see Surfs Up 2: WaveMania and that's Jetsons crossover. Maybe that Hasshlehoff movie too, that seemed like it could be pretty dumb.

Things start out at a local orphanage where little girl #1 is very sad because a nasty man is trying to shut them down. If only Santa would come along and save them.

Forget Santa, Hulk Hogan is already decked out in army fatigues and is sneaking through someones flower bed. He spies all sorts of henchmen walking around with machetes. Well shit, this movie is gonna be over pretty quickly isn't it?!

Whoever this guy is, he has some pretty dedicated staff on site. They all set upon Hogan with their weapon of choice befitting their role. The chef jumps him with a meat tenderizer, the driver with a tire iron...at the least the gardener has something halfway menacing when he pops up with a hedge trimmer. They all come out screaming like banshees as well.

But surprise, this isn't the villains lair. It's just Hogan's daily exercise routine before enjoying his morning wheat grass smoothie with extra kale. Exercise my arse, he's kicking the shit out of everyone. He gorilla press slammed one guy from his patio.

Then again, maybe they deserve it. Pretty sure it must have been one of these guys that talked him into this line of protein shakes instead of the mean, lean, grilling machine! He even tells his butler to get rid of some charity collectors, but they can take some of his carb bars. They weren't selling anyway. Hey, even in the 90's people were trying to cut carbs out of their diet.

Hogan is playing Blake Thorne, wealthy entrepreneur who enjoys spending his free time engaging in a spot of paint balling with his buddies. Seems one of them makes the error of clipping a cop car with his dirt bike as he makes a sick jump, causing the feds to think there's a whole bunch of terrorists on the loose.

Rather than pull over to the side of the road and accept the likely slap on the wrist he'd get for being such a big shot, he figures it would be better to open fire on them with his paint gun. What the fuck?! This is our good guy?! I guess I can kind of see where they're coming from. If you had that much money, I guess things would be pretty mundane. Sure the fast cars and luxury holidays at fun at first but the novelty would soon wear off, you have to start making your own fun, ya know? Maybe you start paying people to do stupid shit just for your own amusement, do some blow, start a city wide police chase and nearly kill several people by effectively blinding them by getting paint all over their windshields...

Meanwhile, we meet our villain, Ebner Frost, who has a Howard Hughes thing going on. He's holed up in a room in his mansion, interrogating local shop keeps via video link as he tries to buy everyone out in the area. Everything in his room is covered in plastic sheets, his goons spray things with some sort of disinfectant spray and he doesn't liked to be touched. Amongst said goons are his personal physician (Dr Blight), a geologist, a chemist and Ms Watt, a femme fatale with electric gauntlets that will shock her victims. I'm pretty sure the last time I saw these guys was during the tryout scene in Mystery Men.

Thorne is hiding out at the mall, disguised as Santa in order to hide from the cops. He ends up bumping his head and has a wicked bout of amnesia. He's happened upon by one of the mall elves, Lenny, who takes his wallet and figures he can scam some money out of him by making him believe he's Santa.

After a run in with some low level criminal out to steal money that's been raised for the orphanage, Thorne feels compelled to visit so he can help out. As well as the little girl from earlier, there's also Sarah who's played by a young Mila Kunis. A Mila Kunis only a few years away from starring in That 70's Show, the guy who plays Lenny was also in that. Thorne has some run ins with Frost’s goons. Turns that doctor knows kung fu and Thorne starts prescribing a beat down on Thorne, before he returns the favour with a few medical puns of his own. “Take two of these and see me in the morning! *PUNCH* *PUNCH*” It's like watching Hellraiser 2 all over again.

For a man that Lenny describes as 'the richest man in 10 states' only a few scenes ago, absolutely no one recognises Thorne. His face is on all of his products! Not least his line of cereals that Lenny has to quickly remove from the breakfast table.

Not even respected TV reporters can see through that clever disguise.

"Well let me tell you something, Mean Helen, it's that special time of year once again. It's the time for peace on Earth, for thinking of your fellow man. Well, this Ebner Frost dude must be The Grinch because he's trying to take everything away from these kids. Tis the season for giving and I've got something to give to you, jack! This Christmas Eve, at the Silverdome, I'll be giving the big boot, the leg drop and I'll be pinning you for the 1-2-3 right in the middle of that ring. Your hermetically sealed suit isn't gonna help you this time, brother. Because I've been saying my prayers, drinking my milk and eating my cookies. You're stepping in the ring with the man with the 24 inch pythons. You might have the Doctor with you and all your little friends, but I've got Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blixen, Mrs Claus and all of these little Santamaniacs behind me, brother. So whatcha gonna do, Frost, when Santamania and the spirit of Christmas runs wild on you?!"

We eventually find out why Frost wants all these land and the orphanage in particular. For underneath the building is a vault and inside is...

Sarah explains that these are quartz crystals that contain natural electricity and that these must be worth millions. One of the kids drops one about 2 feet and it promptly explodes.

After another scrap with Frost's Doctor, Thorne accidentally falls from the church's bell tower into a passing garbage truck which gives him his memory back. That's karma for throwing the giant off the roof at Halloween Havoc 95, Hogan. With Thorne out of the picture, Frost takes over the orphanage but with his memory back, Thorne can round up his crack team of ninja chefs, plumbers and carpenters to go take him down.

But first they have a little unfinished business with the police. Clearly having some unsold stock to use up, he greases the road with some salad dressing and obscures their vision with a cloud of protein powder. They run into a road block though and clear this cops aren't fucking around anymore...

DUDE! Since when did police have standard issue bazookas?! Trump's America, amirite?! Luckily, Thorne can dodge that shit like he's Han Solo in the special edition of Star Wars and he can go take care of business.

Remember those extremely volatile crystals that would explode if you so much as sneezed at them? Well apparently you can just sword fight with them now, no big deal.

Thorne disposes of Frost but the crystals become unstable and this causes the whole church to explode. But where will all the orphans possibly live now?! Well, Thorne knows a place. Here I was thinking he would take them home with him, they'd all be helped by his butlers and chefs and everyone would live happily ever after.

But no, they just go and steal Frost's mansion. Not like he needs it, right? He's in jail now, fuck him.

There's a certain campiness to Hogan's performance here that I wasn't expecting. In retrospect, I'm remembering that bit in Mr Nanny where he's in the pink tutu which is probably infinitely worst for the tough guy image. Wikipedia cites this as being considered amongst the worst films ever made. Sure, it's dumb and there's plot holes aplenty but I'm always happy to sit down with a cheese fest like this. The over the top displays of both Throne and Frost's entourages are delightful. The problem I do have is how lacklustre their big fight seemed. Hell, Thorne's fued with the police is much more intense and with a much more dramatic finale. Well, I say finale, the actual finale is that they turn up to arrest Frost and ignore Thorne. I mean more the run in with the rocket launcher guy caus...what?!

I still can't get over that. Where did he get that thing? Did he bring it from home? He whipped it out pretty quickly too, it's not like this was some out of control maniac who'd already killed dozens of people. I pick on Thorne for starting shit with the cops, and rightly so, but it's still relatively minor. Maybe throw out some of those stinger strips, shoot out his tires...anything! Your first response can't be to blow him away with a bazooka.

[chaoscrystals]

Every note in my phone 5

My final note before I kill myself I'm not actually going to kill myself. I'm letting the dying parts die. Say goodbye to them. Wow holy shit my whole back just got a wave of feeling. This is it. I know if I don't go for what I want I'm going to lose it. So I'm sharing everything that I have inside. Because I've been wanting to for a long time. For many reasons, some more noble than others. Daqui a pouco to escrevendo nas outras linguas. Hey duke Well, I have to completely go for what I want. You will know what that feels like. I had a dream last night that turned out to be symbolic of what happened today. Its not that hard because your subconscious mind always knows what's going on.I have a considerable amount of magic to my person but ill tell you now I lose things, I have anxiety attacks and a fixation on food and body type, and I'm telling you this because I can't let you think I'm a no faceted perfect lady. Hey lady. Molly plays with my feelings I wonder how many years that could last. As long as Natalie is my friend. Kad thinks I'm a Nazi. That makes me upset. Now I'm thinking about Mikala from midtown west. Dont know why. Cause I'm not a fucking Nazi damn. That's extremely offensive Why are all these thoughts coming into my head? Whups. Lost it again. Sex is sacred but our movies and tv shows over hype it and put ideas in our head. One time I told Jamie I was gay.I actually thought it was true at the time...that's such an awkward thing to explain. I know I don't have to fucking explain myself but I want to because I care that the other person is on the same page as me!! No I miss you too in a weird way I've been wanting to share all my real thoughts for a long time. And now is the only time because the last couple days I have been dangerously close to having a breakdown. I have been crying in the street for 2 days And I also have been wanting to tell everyone what I actually think all the time I think my problem is that I have a habit of thinking about things ruim like I just think about sad shit a lot. And my comfort levels are always unstable Shailesh balla I don't know whose name that is. Shoulda brought my journal but I didn't think I was going to want to write. I want to do something to soothe my worries. My top worries are money, food, having something stolen from me, being raped. Its weird that I'm so worried that someone is going to rape me when I haven't been raped in this lifetime. But I would always get strong images of being raped. Except I was black so it wasn't in this lifetime. I want to soothe my worries telling myself that expecting the worst isn't good for my health. My focus goes rotten sometimes. I have to go to where I want to go to. I'm grateful for what I have. And not in a lame way either. I think I'm most worried that something will be taken from me. Money or whatever. When has that caused my death? Only when I sunk into the sadness and grieving. Grieving for my jewelry. Don't have a choice but to keep going. My grandparents on my moms side were such a huge influence on me throughout my life What is life anyway? We are all here wondering what to do with ourselves. And I can only have these thoughts because I have money I wanna work like Malcolm x did Tryinng to soothe my chronic worrying. Maybe ill find a paradise somewhere. Kalien photograph Deangelo Silva Thais is a sexy name. I'm tired and a little gassy but I'm going to go out anyway to see what the fuss is about. Because I wouldn't be satisfied if I just went to sleep Reflecting on resentment. I can feel this is a strong hook. This is a strong feeling in my body. I resent the cruelty of survival in the midst of civilization built by half asleep beings. My thoughts lead me to duke and this is what I have to say about that. I resent being treated wrongly by him. He treated me wrongly because he was my soul mate and he was supposed to help me and love me through everything I can't have sex!!!!! I hate having sex with people that suck at itI Which is almost everyone I resent everyone because I am so shy it hurts to see people who I connect with sometimes. Something inside of me is very tender and sore and I have been neglecting her. She's not ready to see anyone. I can resent and I do. For. Not being there with his feelings and not being there with mine. But i have to admit its not fair of me to just expect someone to take on all my problems with me. And I know this has something to do with the fact that my mother would throw crying fits at me and I had no idea how to act. Because that's what you do right? You don't say anything to people so they think your nice and then you have an explosive breakdown on whoever gets caught in your shit. Right? Oops Still letting go of my feeling of resentment. I'm a self help queen. Not sorry. Maybe just a little bit. But listen, I'm actually getting somewhere in my emotions. The blocks I have to getting what I want are emotional so if I can move and change my emotional body, I'm set. Sex Everyone sucks at it except for Ursula and mau 90 percent of males I meet think about fucking me That's pathetic Don't you think you're craving a closeness?instead?no? I don't know you its not my business I acho que tó errada I can pretty easily see what I did wrong. But I'm a sad sack and its easy for me to get into self blame. Those thoughts make me really depressed. But I guess it doesn't matter I don't have to have a perfect personality I don't even have to have a personality NOT UP TO YOUR STANDARDS AM I DUKE? Oops I've said so many bitchy things to my friends who I love so much..somebody needs to slap me. I hope they can forgive me. Well we're still friends so... Who the fuck taught me to be afraid of everyone? Walking around feeling like I'm rotting from the inside and I can't trust anyone and yet I want to meet all their eyes and see what's inside. When you're thoughts are just swimming with someone else. Julia, Duke, Kaara Someone who I barely talk to. I'm the pathetic one. It feels good to think that right now...die ego die!!!! So I will begin to close of this meditation. I would like to let go of my resentment. It will be carried away by the strength of the planets. Just saying what I believe. A very powerful tool. I had to re-read what I had written and confront that maybe my focus is terrible because I live in an age full of distractions and sometimes I have to be distracted to avoid major depression and having a fit and getting arrested. Sometimes I want to just break the glasses in the cafes. Or the stores. That urge has been with me for months and I still haven't acted on it. Stay tuned. So if I'm letting go of resentment, I'm letting go of my feeling of entitlement to. I will always give myself the best of what I can. But I cannot live off of taking from other people.I don't want to. Their money or their prana. Sorry Kaara. Half asleep over here. You did it too. I liked your insecurity because I could feel better about myself. And my own insecurity. Someone shut me up nobody wants to hear about my emotions. Oh that thought again. I'm expressing myself not trying to.....be right...but I am I came down to the beach because I thought it would be the best place. I was living in the street for a week. I'm not now we are paying for a room. Its cheaper than anything else but this is such a popular location that its still a fair chunk of money. But its worth it to drink the healing waters (there's a natural fountain of groundwater. Clean and delicious if your gut can handle it. We wanted to leave but I think we were both resisting the healing....me and my friend rua. I'm paying for all of our food (and we're been to restaurants a few times) but its because I know my core beliefs are not in line with me keeping my money for myself. I think I jumped the gun a little here anyway. This is another topic. Dissolve my resentment. Sometimes I was treated wrongly. Sometimes I just felt entitled to get what I want and when whoever couldn't meet my needs, I get upset. Flashes of bring abused in past lives. Nothing I could write today. My collective head gets it but I needed to write for nova, the 3-d being I can't believe I'm missing that show I can't believe it I must be missing out fuck fuck fuck I have to be away I have to be here I am doing good here I am doing good here I just need something in my stomach to settle I need to sleep a little more. Ooohhh if I had some weed and I could sleep a little more id have it made. But I'm shyyyyyy There is a voice in the back of my head asking me to write and to learn new languages. God damn, I think I'm an Artist. After reading some writing by Patti Smith, I feel a little confused and jealous. My writing is so....unprretty specific and not artistic. I want to write something beautiful. If it is beauty I am after...well, I already know what that looks like. I already know who owns beauty. Earth beauty. Eternal beauty Nobody leave me alone. I wouldn't want to be alone anyway. On my own some angel meets me Oh maybe I can write pretty things Write an essay of something Masses of pissed off folk are gonna have something big to say in this life or next just you wait mr big shot. Big gun nuclear ammo. I bet you thought you could stop the art from saving us all. What rennessaince would you try to stop then who are you trying to stop and why don't you love me!? Mister big thing My boyfriend keeps me safe I don't love him but he's good company and when we have to have sex its pretty good I don't think he feels the same way. I think homeboy was looking for a real namorado. Never seen anyone who looked like me. I made a cheese sandwich for my friend and now I want one cause I ate them when I was a kid. I feel like a baby still! Cosmic smoke womb. I don't care, ill take it Bad coffee Oi viado Its not that hard to learn a new language if you think you can do it I have been waiting years to learn about the stars. I always new the universe was a synchronized conglomerate of matter, but coming across systems I can keep record of. Beleza There's a feeling that sometimes overcomes me in my dreams that I'm being choked and can't breathe. These mosquitoes are biting me Somehow I manage to superimpose my fears on reality. Na janela aberta entrou meu convidado da noite, meu inimigo pior e o amor infernal que guardo para me gozar And, choking, I cry out for help. Cry out to whoever can hear me and be here with me. I don't care who I have to hide from myself. Excuse me for a second. My heart saw a pain and took it. Walking around shopping malls My candy heart Left my heart in Mexico City She was bed-ridden like me. But that's beside the point. We were frantic when we met and frantic when you held my hand and I breathed my first sigh of relief there. He loves me. I'm squirming in my seat Left my heart in Mexico City I THINK about YOU STILL but I think its more about me than it ever was about you. Still in Mexico City With its booming economy And great tortillas. All the cars and things that make up a city nowadays I went backpacking and somebody loves me still Left it in Mexico City. Now the reason for me to write The greatest poem I've ever written We were saying goodbye. I said I wanted to stay and I meant it but I didn't think I was going to stay. I have to go to work Still in Mexico City He must have thought I was going to stay I should have stayed. But I was lost in my work and I couldn't find my rights. So I ended up in Brazil with a hurt sciatica nerve and he's still in Mexico City with my heart that I left there And I think about him still but its more about me...right? I am undeserving As the words form my heart (the one that came with me) remains confused I hope you pick up on this and reveal yourself to me. But you don't have to. I didn't mean to make you think I wasn't going to leave. I was always going to leave. Tipo assim. But I just wanted to stay... Left my heart in Mexico City My back is cracking way too much it hurts and this can't be good for me. I want to go home. Wheere is home? My back is stressed out. I'm worried. Worried not looking I don't think I've ever been so offended. I just lost a friend. Telling me about my insufferable privilege. Hiding. I don't want to pay because I can live without money...........and fuck me if its only my privilege that lets me do that and think like that and write like this. I'm going to do it. I understand that I am privileged I feel incredibly guilty like I am not like, worthy of love because I have money But I never tell people that because no one will ever understand! Sad because I have money. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous I should be rejoicing but I'm not I I just want to die and be buried in my 10000 reais and die. Every time I hear the word money I wanna die. Give it all away slowly to people who appreciate it. Rua never hears me. I don't have time for that. I just need to sort out my thoughts A new poem Sugar eaters God again god blessed to have you to have found you Walking down the street in my hometown new york city Walking down the aisles but I'm in my mind Again Blessed are these sugar crystals that feed my teeth eaters we're sugar eaters blessed are these sugar crystals And a calm comes over us A little upset a little unrest its all the sugar eaters eating your teeth. My words are twisted like mind. You have to run around loaning me your time. How lucky I am to have found you. You bring me sweet coffee and I do not resist. The hot sun beats and we refuge in the shade. Our hot Brazil sun but I am walking down the aisles in my mind in my hometown I have money for all the sugar crystals I could ever need. But she doesn't want to have it from me. Blessed are these sugar crystals brought to us by the sugar goddesses, just trying to be sweet. Just trying to be sweet I have all the money I need Try to be sweet I have all the money I need There's something under the surface you're not seeing units swimming under. Your feet and I feel a little bit afraid. That the whole. Thing is going to collapse and crumble under my feet. Or lava will come up of its will and displace all of us Walking around with latent fear There's something under your feet maybe a bug lurking in your belly You're writing because you're a smart girl. You get into a new feeling and slip away quietly. You left. Joker Is jesting Later I saw him crying I had a flash of the future And it didn't come true exactly butt I swear I saw something like it My privilege is a bunch of dead flowers My privilege is rotting fruit More privileged than you for not having the need of water Have to walk miles for water I had to walk about 10 minutes for water and I felt a little bit like a prophet, or something of the sort Live in a house Live in a city In a country where you are not under threat of being bombed Your house could be bombed My privileges are rotting Watch tv Hear about the wars Light up your green and laugh with your friends Until your gut hurts We are friends, I don't want to take it there again My privileges are rotting fruit My journal January 25th 2017 Sitting in my boyfriends bedroom inn araial dajuda. I hope he's watching me. He has been my boyfriend for a few days only. I asked him what he wanted today and he said "I want what you want" my heart just about melted. I knew I liked him because I felt my heart get warm and I knew his lsd was pure, which is rare. And briefly, I am going to write some of the best poetry I have ever written. But not yet. I'm not ready Sometimes it's just not worth it and you have to let it go. But you always speak to the moment and you always try your hardest. And even though I have lice eggs in my hair I know the universe is going to protect me and my problems are going to pass. Write like I have a problem that needs airing out. But I don't have that mood exactly. My systems are more or less okay. Some of the best poetry I have ever written. He is the reason for my poetry. Nothing but a man and he's skinny. Taller than me and I don't think he can defend me. He has a penis and breath like everyone else but he sees energy and he loves seeing energy and neither of us understand it...but we love it and we want to know as much as we can about it. I need to.......oh right He will be the cause of the best poem I ever write. I don't know if I believe that. Money worries have to be let go of. I can't hold on to everything all the time. Universe synchronized. Daily mundane things going about your things and you just notice how good the breeze feels and that you're right by the sea in a beautiful city. Here isn't a good place to eat. My memory with Julia the rock star. Time to write my autobiography. But take it seriously. Make it right. I love my feelings so much I don't feel like I'm done writing. Nobody was really trying to con me that hard. Just trying to amuse themselves at the expense of others feelings. Uh, is that too bleak for you? Get over it. Gentrified vegan crab cakes. Oops. What? She's gonna kill me. I'm afraid and I have poop in my gut I feel it. I'm tired but something is missing. In tired to go to bed with my boyfriend who I just met but I know I love. In my way.too tired to worry His smell is intoxicating. That boy smell. She told me to follow my heart but I think my heart bate papo its not the strongest...but I can feel it. Morre than a lot of people could say. Stuffed some cotton in my underwear because my menstrual blood is releasing. And all this money and packaging. I'm hungry. Nobody understands me. I'm hungry. Nobody understands me. Nothing is in the way of me doing something except for me because I'm scared. I'm scared. This place has me held happily as prisoner. I give up. Rob me. Kill me. Not if I get you first. Writing for you writing for you. Nothing is stopping me except my fear and my concept about money I left arraial dajuda and now I want to go back because I was loving it....it was time for me to just take a break....I want to just stay with people who I know are my friends. I want to stay where I feel safe. And I want to kiss guilherme again. Its not fair that I could spend almost 500 reais just to try to get away. Fuck. I am going back because I feel the most happy that way. I don't want to be alone any more.... I don't want to be alone not knowing where the he'll I'm going and these things. If I was here alone and feeling fine....I could bee that person...maybe ... But I would rather just not be alone right now honestly. I don't wanna wait and wait until I feel love again. I want the love I felt already. I'm scared that I'm going to show up and I can't have him anymore...but I know that's not going to happen. Lice and all. I needed to leave. I regretted it pretty quickly Part of me wants to keep traveling forever...and another part wants to go home and be with my family again...or both. I don't know if I want to volunteer with this yogic nun in her biodiversity organic yoga thing. Part of me wants to go home. But I also have an intense interest in this. I don't know. It doesn't make sense to go back and forth. But I don't really wanna stay in the city of brasilia Make up for it. Compensate. Sitting at the bar alone. Like a character in a movie. Waiting on my love to walk in the door. Thinking many of the same things at once. Tired but I know I'm not going anywhere. Its so easy to fight your feelings and write what you didn't want to write something about the universal flow and how it affects you how your stars have been so aligned recently and how they always were bus you just didn't notice. I sit in a state of wonderment and disgust as I am interrupted by a greedy old man with no money making his presence very known to me Just remind yoself help remind your self. I need another distraction to distract me from the pain of needing to eat and needing to steal and depending on millions of other people for my food. I need another distraction. The earth is quickly dying as I see it, but I know people who think otherwise. I should have stayed in Brazil. My friends just want to poison themselves with alcohol and I want to run away with my love but I left him in Brazil. I need to eat For many years I've obsessed over my corporeal form, my body. What it says about me. I can't get out of this.....its my way of dealing with my feelings. Its just in my being but I mean, I'm gonna end up tearing out to shreds I already know. I can't stay here with these demons eating at me. I see real I wish I had someone with me. Makes me feel like I need to eat something. Probably end up a pedophile like my dad Why doesn't anyone understand thoughts and feelings? This is pathetic. I wish I had someone with me I could be screaming but she wouldn't hear. Known her for years I just want to be with her again. No one can stop me if I just show up Its so hard to feel things. Its so hard to actually sense things. This world is set up for profit for invention and for narcissism!! Oh god what did I do I slept with my ex I slept with my ex he's a beacon of truth like me or a liar I don't really know Cause its not that straightforward at all I can't just read mounds so easily as I wish I could but I'm not bad when you compare me to most people. I think that my new haircut suits me . on nahrt okay my own energy reading is a little faulty. . A few days later and unrealized how badly I am conpartmentalizing things I wish I wasn't so emotionally cold but I believe I have to be this way to be an artist...that can't be true. ... Get up and talk to someone but it tires me what's so bad about being tired I can't ignore my bodily needs why does it make you tired because they only like to hear certain things and I have to think about it.   Sometimes I write cause i don't know what else to do.. Like now...my head will hurt if I go talk to other people I'm just trying to maintain a high vibration no I'm serious this is town in doing it and I'm not belittling my mission no way I'm not gonna hurt myself I want to maintain a high vibration and sometimes its hard for me to do that when I talk to other people. But I can't let this exclude people from my reality because everyone is worthy of attention and love!!! Everyone is worthy of it and I'm not letting it go for all the money or all the fame in the world everyone's feelings matter sometimes I am the absolute worst when it comes to that. I want to message michael maybe he can distract me from my problems. Everryone does. He is different. He is just the same I knew I felt something strong with him I love his ambition and I want to see it develop and that means staying with him for a bit I want to see his ambition develop his!!I'm starting to think I gotta let go of that whole shit with sam, cause I don't really like being jealous. You know why my head really hurts? Cause I'm letting myself be alone too long . I'm obsessive is what I'm actually trying to say. I'm not sure who you think I am but I don't mind much. I'm not a cool person all I want from you is conversation and cuddles There's this black of my connection like I'm talking to a wall and not to michael I think I'm fucking up I could be talking to myself in various ways. Maybe his souls just close to mines anyway enough that it feels like I'm with myself? I'm aware of the seperateness but I really would rather live in the thought of we are all one soul