#arcane art slightly inspired

[littlebirddraws]

Some portrait practice I did this week!

Featuring @swaps55's Sam Shepard and two OCs, Kara Pendergrass and Muriel Aslany, from her absolutely beautiful Mass Effect series Opus.

I'm experimenting with my art style, trying to get away from relying on line art, I thought using some of my favourite characters would help make it less scary.

Plus I just really wanted to draw Aslany because she is the complex, badass, not-so-tall, dark, and handsome, female character I've been waiting for MY WHOLE GODDAMN LIFE!

All hail swapp for giving her to us, amen🙏

[zerun0]

"The Colors of Us" — Viktor x Y/N (Gender-Neutral)

And this is my third story on the universe of Arcane !

English is not my first language. Feel free to comment on any of my mistakes and i will update the post, also I more than happy to receive suggestions, and advice on how to improve my work.

Heavily inspired by — "What happens in the bathhouse... " by LinkyDinks —

— ! WARNING NSFW (+18): ! — Established relationship, sexual themes, Flirting, Hot tub, Teasing, Masturbation. — Word count: — 2,9k (Full uncut version on AO3)

Piltover was a city of progress. Tall spires of metal and glass soared above, glittering with the promises of science and invention. Airships cut through the sky like graceful birds, and beneath their flight, the streets bustled with a mix of inventors, artisans, and scholars from the prestigious Piltover Academy. Among them was Y/N, an artist, seeking to find their place in the city of progress through the lens of creativity, which often felt out of step with the methodical precision Piltover demanded.

Art was Y/N’s form of rebellion, a splash of chaos in a place where everything had its place and function. Though some in the Academy dismissed their work as frivolous, others—like Viktor—saw the genius in it. Viktor, with his brilliant mind and soul shaped by invention, had always been a reserved but sharp-eyed companion. To Y/N, he was more than just an intellectual ally; he was a kindred spirit, even if they expressed their gifts in drastically different ways.

It was rare that Viktor took time away from his work, so when Y/N invited him out for a quiet evening in the upper levels of Piltover, it was a surprising to see the tired one accept it.

"Just one night,” Viktor had said in his soft, accented voice. “I think... I could... we, we both could use a break.”

— Small time skip: Around 7:24 pm —

As they walked together beneath the glittering streetlamps of Piltover’s wealthiest district, the air crackled with the shared energy of anticipation.

"The Grand Hotel" was nothing short of breathtaking. It stood tall, adorned with the finest Piltover could offer—gilded archways, lush tapestries that draped the walls like fine paintings, and crystal chandeliers that gleamed in warm golden hues. For an artist, it was almost overwhelming, the richness of it all. But it also held the charm of something fleeting, a place far removed from the gritty streets and the cold laboratories.

“Quite the place, isn’t it?” Y/N mused as they entered the lavish lobby, stealing a glance at Viktor. He looked as composed as ever, his face framed by his dark brown hair, the glow of the dim lights making the sharp lines of his features seem even more striking.

He gave a rare, almost shy smile. “It is… a bit excessive. But I thought perhaps it would make for a change of pace.”

They made their way to the front desk, where a young attendant greeted them with impeccable manners and a smile polished like the marble floors. After a quick exchange of pleasantries, they were handed a key.

“Your suite is on the top floor,” the attendant said, bowing slightly.

Y/N’s had mentioned nothing about staying at a hotel, much less in a suite. Viktor's curiosity piqued. It wasn’t like him to indulge in luxuries like this. His usual quarters were cramped and bare, filled only with his inventions and research papers. Still, Viktor followed without complaint, knowing Y/N’s always had their reasons.

The elevator ride was swift and silent, taking them to the topmost floor, where their suite awaited.

The room itself was a masterpiece of elegance, but Y/N’s eyes were immediately drawn to the massive window that stretched across one wall, revealing a panoramic view of Piltover at night. The city’s lights glittered like stars, reflecting off the calm waters of the river far below.

“Wow,” Y/N breathed, walking toward the window, captivated by the beauty of it all.

Viktor followed a few steps behind, his cane tapping gently against the marble floor. He stood beside them, his golden-brown eyes quietly taking in the view, though Y/N suspected his thoughts were far away, perhaps on some new invention or scientific discovery. Still, there was a certain calmness about him tonight, a softness that made Y/N’s heart flutter.

“Thank you for inviting me,” Viktor said, turning to face them. “I didn’t realize you knew such places existed.”

His tone was light, but there was something deeper in his gaze as he looked at Y/N. Something unspoken, but undeniably present.

After a shared dinner in the suite’s private dining area—a delicious meal accompanied by wine neither of them usually had time to enjoy—Viktor excused himself for a moment. Y/N took the opportunity to wander the room a bit more, letting their fingers trail along the silk sheets and finely crafted furniture. A door to the side caught their attention, and they opened it to reveal a luxurious bathroom.

And at its center, a large, marble hot tub.

Y/N's eyes widened. It was set in an alcove surrounded by lush plants, steam already rising from the warm water. It looked like something out of a dream, a place meant for relaxation, indulgence, and... something more.

A soft knock on the doorframe pulled Y/N from their thoughts. Viktor stood there, his jacket now discarded, leaving him in a simple shirt and trousers. His eyes flickered toward the hot tub, and a faint blush crept up his neck.

There was a silence... then Y/N spoke — “Would you like to join me?” Y/N asked softly, stepping closer.

Viktor hesitated for only a moment before nodding. “A-are you sure?”

"I would be more than happy" — Y/N said, their hand fixing a strand of hair in Viktor's face, you had flirted before, but you felt bold and courageous today.

Y/N started to undress as they watched Viktor's face turn red, the scientist tried to avoid looking upon their bare, naked body. But a few curious glances found their way towards Y/N, as they turned and approached the hot tub.

The warmth of the water was immediate, soothing, and Y/N felt their body relax as they sank into it. The soft glow of candlelight illuminated the room, casting long shadows that danced across the marble tiles. — "Now... will you join me, handsome?"

Viktor hesitated, red, and stuttering for his dear life, as he could not think straight. But soon nervously removed his clothes as if his desire took control of his movements. — Then followed them in, moving carefully due to his bad leg. Once he was settled, a small sigh escaped him as the heat worked its way through his tense muscles and pounding heart.

For a while, they sat in comfortable silence, the only sound the gentle ripple of water and the soft crackle of the candles. Viktor leaned his head back against the edge of the tub, his eyes closed, and Y/N couldn’t help but watch him. He looked different like this—vulnerable, almost human in a way that the world often didn’t allow him to be.

Y/N’s fingers twitched. They had an overwhelming desire to touch him, to capture this moment not with paint, but with their hands. And so, without thinking too much, they shifted closer, their hand brushing against Viktor’s.

His eyes fluttered open at the contact, a question in them, but Y/N merely smiled. Slowly, cautiously, Y/N raised a hand to cup Viktor’s jaw, their thumb grazing the line of his cheek.

“You’ve been tense,” Y/N whispered. “I can feel it.”

Viktor didn’t pull away. Instead, he tilted his head ever so slightly, leaning into the touch. It was as if he were starved for it, for that gentle connection, though he rarely allowed himself such indulgences.

“It’s difficult not to-o be,” he replied, his voice soft yet so nervous. “But with you… it is e-easier.”

Y/N’s heart swelled at the admission. They shifted even closer, so that their knees brushed under the water, the steam swirling around them like a veil. They could see the faint rise and fall of Viktor’s chest, his breaths a little shallower now. Under water an clear erection as he looked to Y/N eyes.

“Let me help you relax..” Y/N murmured, their voice low and intimate.

Viktor swallowed, his throat bobbing under Y/N’s hand. He didn’t protest, didn’t resist, and that was all the permission Y/N needed.

With slow, deliberate movements, Y/N slid their hands over Viktor’s shoulders, feeling the tension there, the strain of years spent hunched over workbenches and machines. They began to massage the knots from his muscles, fingers working with gentle pressure all the way down to his most intimate areas, holding it gently and seductively. Viktor’s breath hitched slightly at first, but then he let out a soft exhale, his body slowly melting under their touch.

“Y/N,” Viktor whispered, his voice a little ragged now, filled with something more than just gratitude. It was want, need—things he rarely expressed, but that Y/N could feel in the way his body responded to their touch.

Y/N leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Viktor’s jaw, just below his ear. They felt him shiver, though the water was still warm. The heat between them was palpable now, a simmering tension that neither of them seemed eager to break.

Viktor’s hand came up then, tentative at first, but soon firm, resting on Y/N’s hip beneath the water. His touch was gentle, almost reverent, as if he were afraid to break the spell between them. But Y/N welcomed it, their body responding instinctively, leaning into his touch, as they continued to masturbate the shy one.

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The only sounds were their soft breaths and the faint lapping of water against the sides of the tub.

Then Viktor’s lips found Y/N’s, tentative at first, his breath shaky with uncertainty. He was gentle, almost hesitant, as if testing the waters of a world he rarely allowed himself to enter. But the warmth of Y/N’s touch, the reassurance in their closeness, softened his reservations. Y/N responded with equal tenderness, their lips moving against his with a quiet, unhurried rhythm, savoring the moment.

Viktor’s hand, trembling slightly, found its way to Y/N’s waist beneath the water. His touch was tentative, but there was a quiet intensity to it, his fingers curling around their side as if anchoring himself. For a moment, he stopped their partner's hand from touching their intimacy, afraid to break too early. His forehead resting against theirs as they both caught their breath, the silence between them thick with anticipation.

“You don’t have to hold back,” Y/N murmured against his lips, their fingers tracing the edge of his collarbone. “Not with me.”

The next kiss was different. It was still soft, still careful, but there was a need behind it now, a slow-burning intensity that hadn’t been there before. Viktor’s hand, once hesitant, moved with more confidence, sliding up from their waist to the small of their back, pulling them closer as his lips parted, deepening the kiss. Y/N responded in kind, their arms wrapping around his neck, fingers threading through the damp strands of his hair as they pressed their bodies closer under the water.

Y/N could feel his restraint slipping, the careful control he usually held onto crumbling as their hands moved over him, as their lips met again and again in a heated, desperate rhythm. Viktor’s hands slid lower, his fingers tracing patterns on their back, their waist, the feel of his touch sending shivers through Y/N.

Their hands roamed over each other, exploring, searching, the water lapping gently around them as they moved. Viktor’s hand slipped under the water, resting on Y/N’s thigh, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through them. Y/N gasped softly against his lips, their own hands moving to mirror his touch, fingers brushing over the sensitive skin of his hips.

Viktor groaned softly, the sound low and desperate, and it only spurred Y/N on, their touches becoming bolder, more confident.

“I’ve-e wanted th-h-his… for so long,” Viktor murmured against their lips, his voice barely more than a whisper, filled with a vulnerability that made Y/N’s heart ache.

Y/N kissed him deeply, their hands cupping his face, their thumbs brushing his cheeks as they whispered back, “Me too, Viktor.”

For a moment, everything else faded away. There was no Piltover, no Academy, no responsibilities or pressures. There was only them, tangled together in the warm water, their lips and hands exploring, their hearts pounding in unison. It was slow, it was heated, and it was perfect—two souls finding solace in each other, in the quiet spaces between invention and creation.

Now, there was simply Y/N on the skinny scientist member, their touch subtle and gentle, as they did their best to drive Viktor into their release with rhythmic movements ... up... and down, like they painted a masterpiece of pleasure.

And then, with a quiet gasp, Viktor’s body tensed, his grip on Y/N tightening as he reached the edge, his breath catching in his throat as the tension finally broke, as he allowed himself to cum, as all his fluids mixed with the water.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Viktor allowed himself to relax completely. His head rested against Y/N’s, his lips barely brushing their neck as he let out a soft, contented sigh. The vulnerability of the moment settled between them, and Y/N could feel the quiet gratitude in the way Viktor held onto them, the way he let himself simply be there, with no pressure, no expectations—just them.

They pressed a soft kiss to his temple, letting their lips linger there for a moment before they whispered, "Viktor… maybe we should get out of here."

He stirred slightly at the sound of their voice, blinking slowly as if coming back to the present. His cheeks flushed, not just from the heat of the tub but from the lingering embarrassment that seemed to settle in the air now that the moment had passed. Viktor shifted against Y/N, his body weak from both exhaustion and the vulnerability of the night.

“I… yes,” he murmured, though his voice was soft, almost hesitant. His hand, still resting gently on Y/N’s side, trembled ever so slightly. “I think that… would be wise.”

Viktor sat up a little, rubbing the back of his neck as he avoided Y/N’s gaze, his usual reserved demeanor slipping back into place, though there was still a softness in his expression

Y/N stood, the cool air hitting their skin as they stepped out of the tub, offering Viktor a hand to help him up. He hesitated for a moment, his golden-brown eyes flicking up to meet theirs with a hint of sheepishness, before taking their hand. His legs felt unsteady as he rose, and Y/N could feel the slight tremble in his grip as he steadied himself.

Once they were both out, Y/N handed Viktor a towel, watching as he carefully dried himself off, still avoiding eye contact. His cheeks were still flushed, and Y/N could see the faint quirk of a shy smile on his lips, though he did his best to hide it.

“Are you okay?” Y/N asked softly, stepping closer and resting a gentle hand on his arm.

Viktor nodded, though he let out a soft, self-deprecating chuckle. “I am… perhaps a bit more tired than I anticipated.” His voice was quiet, a little breathless, and Y/N could tell he was still processing everything that had just happened.

“Then let’s get you to bed,” Y/N said with a warm smile, their hand sliding down to lace their fingers through his, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Viktor’s eyes met theirs for a brief moment, and he nodded, clearly relieved by the suggestion.

Together, they made their way to the bed in the center of the room, the sheets looking impossibly inviting after the intense heat of the hot tub. Viktor sat down on the edge first, his shoulders slumped slightly, as if the weight of his usual stoicism had been lifted, leaving only the exhaustion of the night.

Y/N slid in beside him, wrapping their arms around him from behind, pulling him gently into a soft embrace. Viktor leaned into their touch, his body instinctively relaxing against theirs. The tension that had built up over so many years, in both his work and his emotions, seemed to melt away in the quiet safety of Y/N’s arms.

He let out a soft, almost contented sigh, his head resting back against Y/N’s shoulder. “I… I never thought I would feel this… close to someone,” Viktor admitted, his voice barely above a whisper, the vulnerability in his words cutting through the air like a confession.

Y/N pressed a gentle kiss to the back of his neck, holding him tighter. “You deserve this, Viktor. You deserve to be cared for, to have someone by your side.”

He smiled weakly, his eyes fluttering closed as he leaned more fully into their embrace, his exhaustion catching up with him. “Perhaps,” he whispered, though there was a hint of uncertainty in his voice. “But I… I do not know what I would do without you.”

“You won’t have to find out,” Y/N whispered softly, their hands tracing light circles on his chest as they cuddled closer. “I’m not going anywhere.”

[great20sworld]

LIVING THE DREAM

A Viktor x Reader fanfiction

Summary: What happens when a mundane Monday night becomes the start of your dimensional journey? You, an ordinary human with an even ordinary life is transported to the wondrous world of your imagination, to the city of Runettera, meeting your favourite characters in their own world. Will you survive and find the life of your dreams, or would you be another unfortunate lost case in dimension travelling?

Chapter 1: The lucky day or not

_______________________________

"Okay."

"This is getting out of hand."

You thought to yourself as you sat amoungst your self-built shrine of all that was beloved to you- maybe more than your own life. Your fingers were beginning to ache from all the restless typing and scrolling and your eyes were burning in the middle of the night as the easy read light rays from your phone strained your retina. Your walls were lined with pictures of them. Your "shrine", made of plushies, print out fan arts and keychains was all for them.

Your beloved, cherished, life saving yet almost detrimental obsession of a fandom...

Arcane.

You hadn't ever gotten yourself this deep in the fan culture or worried about the character arcs or stuck in theorising about the upcoming events or shipping two characters, as you have now. It had taken over your life, even your job and friends.

Also, you knew you won't be crawling out of this wonderfully crafted pit anytime soon. Neither the appeal of the show nor the fan community would let you. The story had inspired you to create and to consume. You had been called "cringe" and "obsessive" by many, but did you mind?

Absolutely not. Anything for your characters.

_______________________

You looked at the pause screen in your television, as you ate another biscuit. It was currently zoomed in on one of the main characters. His thin lean skeletal figure leaning against the cane by his side, held by his beautifully long phalanges. Two beauty spots adorning his face- one at the corner of his lips and another right below his eye, gaunt, pale features reigned by indomitable focus. His hair, longer than what would be considered "short" for a man, covering the sides of his face, as his golden eyes showed an expression of interest at something written on a half exploded chalk board, his lips slightly parted as if he were going to say something; as soon as you click the resume button.

You weren't going to anytime soon.

Oh no, you wanted to admire him. For he was your favourite.

You chuckled at the funny expression the particular scene was paused in. Then your laughter softens as you smile to yourself, lost in admiring the beauty of a soul who doesn't even exist in your world, or rather doesn't exist at all.

If only...

Oh well....

You hit the resume button.

Suddenly, as you were about to bite into another treat, and hear the melodic Czech accent from the man onscreen, your focus was interrupted by a loud crash.

Glass shattering...

You sat up, alarmed, as the power goes out.

Wasn't this just your lucky day!

You shivered slightly. Not much of a fan of the dark, oh you were not. Feeling your way upto the emergency lamp, you made your way to the kitchen, from where you had heard the glass shattering as well.

Probably the mice in your attic has found its way down through the holes in the ceiling again. The repairman could never fix it, no matter how much money they charged you. So, you had to take matters into your one hands with mouse traps and super glues, with your own additions to the design ofcourse. You weren't a freelance science researcher for nothing! Best to be cautious of shattered glass though....

You were greeted with the sight of a glowing watch lying on the floor (and the shattered glass of your windows), the sole source of glowing golden light, much brighter than a candle light in the entire room. Cautiously, but with curiousity, you gently lean in, to take a closer look.

Woah...

This wasn't one of your typical monday nights.

The "watch" (if you could even call it that) displayed not a dial with needles, but a small projection of what seemed to be...bubbles. Lots and lots of golden ones, floating over it, like a 3d floating model of the solar system. The circular rim of the watch were filled with tiny buttons, all very minute for you to even make out the strange symbols in them. You find yourself mesmerised by the patterns forming over the surface each time the "watch" ticked. However, your observation was interrupted by two voices outside.

"Did you forget to switch it off atleast? If it falls into the wrong hands..."

A gruff, scratching voice demands, as if loosing its patience.

"Well...if you had given me the time to, I certainly would have, steve!"

Another said, though this sounded a lot more squeakier, but not lacking in arrogance.

"You idiot!" Steve (as you think) cries out. "Now look what you've done Charon, we're trapped...in one of these human contraptions, shame on us... And we've lost the Chronoporter!"

Your eyes widen. "Human traps"? "Chronoporter" ?

Charon huffs, clearly unamused by his partner's ranting. "Why you gotta be so negative?" Then, "and why did we even name it Chronoporter?"

A sound which can only be described as a whine and a grunt is heard, before "Charon" yelps.

"Ow! Don't zap me!"

"Charon! When I said you need to find a way out of this trap, I didn't mean throw the Chronoporter!" Then, "and you know 'Chronoporter' sounds cool. I got it from an earthling tv show!"

"Steve, you ever watch those...human action movies, with violence and stuff?"

"No..?"

"Well, in those, when the main character gets stuck, they throw around objects to reach buttons which will release them."

"....."

"when we're back in Neutrinoverse cloud, do remind me to fire you from the next mission."

Charon giggles. "But you can't, Steve! Without the Chronoporter, we can't jump worlds!"

Steve growls.

Your curiousity gets the best of you. You gently peek out from behind the door at the dark streets, lit only by the farway street lamps, not powered by your power station.

Oh...

Oh those aren't humans or mice that are caught in your trap.

Absolutely bizarre.

Infact, you didn't even want to know what Steve and Charon were. The scientist in you flinches at her own words. But, sometimes it will be like that. Their loss that they will end up in a research facility somewhere, which is not yours.

You take a step back, and your feet crunches on a piece of the shattered window, crackling under your shoe. Your breath hitches as two "heads" (if you can call it that) turn towards you. Theirs "eyes" glinting with what your literature induced mind thinks to be malice.

The creatures stood before you an incomprehensible mass that defied logic and reason. You found yourself assigning familiar features to its shape to maintain your sanity. Its "head" loomed large, though it was merely a suggestion of one, a focal point in the writhing chaos which you hoped for their sake could perform bodily functions. You imagined eyes, though they were more like voids where eyes should be, black and depthless. A "nose" seemed to form, an abstract bump. Its "limbs" twisted and undulated, not truly arms or legs, but extensions of its amorphous body that you forced into a semblance of limbs. The creature was a nightmare made tangible, a thing that could only be described by the mind's desperate attempt to impose order on the formless. One creature's "mouth" opens, though what you expected was a series of gurgles or yelps, this one spoke in an accent unknown to you, but in perfect English nonetheless.

"oh! Hello there...human! Can you help us?"

You stood there, stunned, your mouth gaping wide open at the creature.

"I don't think she heard you Steve..."

"shut up, Charon, I'm speaking in an earthling's language, the settings haven't changed."

"hey, umm...could you toss the Chronoporter back here to me?"

The creature gestures with finger like appendage to the "watch" that was laying on the floor. So that was it...

"the Chronoporter...back...here...to...us!"

"Charon, she's not stupid come on, don't be demeaning..."

"well she's just staring right now, Steve..."

You spoke up quickly. If this was what you think it is... Oh gosh, won't you be rich and famous with wealth and fame unfathomable by your little mind!

"um...yes...uh...what does it do?" You ask, softly.

"oh! She speaks!" Steve exclaims before continuing, "Um... Yes, the Chronoporter... You earthlings don't have it but, it's a highly useful device in our dimension, which can help to...in your words... Transport the body and mind to another dimension, whichever is desirable for you."

By all that was holy, this was your lucky day!

Two aliens and a hitech gadget?! You need to tell someone! Anyone! Any organisation perhaps? Maybe your friend will help?

You grab the "Chronoporter" and make a rush for it, your fingers clutched around the metallic straps of it, electrical buzzing sharp on your tender skin, but ecstatic on your sensations.

"what...Hey! Stop! What are you...!"

You pointedly ignore the loud shouts and curses coming from behind you, as you make your way outside. The darkness of the power outage hadn't felt any less unimportant than it was today, this moment. You've never felt this exhilarated before, not even that time when you fixed the computer of your boss, and everyone cheered.

You pinch yourself. It hurts.

It wasn't a dream!

You rush to your nearest friend's house, when all of a sudden...

"Choose your next location."

"Please select the next desired option."

You look down at the Chronoporter. It was starting to buzz, to beep loudly and that mechanical voice was in urgency.

"INITIATING AUTOMATIC SHUT DOWN IN... 5...4...3...2..."

"No....No...NO!"

You press the brightest button.

Won't you be delighted?

_______________________________

Chapter 2 available NOW in my Tumblr page.

[cloudberry-sims]

I'm behind with the queuing , so here's some random facts about Hopebury/Simvaria✨

🧡 Simvaria's capital , Watcherholm , is based of Stockholm. Which is if you don't know , a archipelago. Hopebury is part of the archipelago and in my mind takes a day and a half to travel with boat. I was originally going to play in Watcherholm and do the Ye Olde Royal Kingdom Challenge , but I got overwhelmed with all the prep-work and decided to down-scale.

🧡 Simvaria , unlike some other kingdoms in the world, allows the practice of magic and arcane arts , but only for those who went to school. Meaning peasants and yeoman aren't allow to use magic , at least not in legally. Other supernaturals are shunned and sometimes actively hunted by specific "guilds".

🧡I believe that Hopebury will become a duchy once the medieval charter challenge is officially finished. I don't see the monarch ruling from a ity bity island , but maybe a third or fourth born child. Less important but still royal , ya know?

🧡 This is how I imaged Hopebury coat of arms looks like (I used CK3 btw).

🧡 All the sims I made for this challenge uses the Academia Palette by @serindipitysims , because it's my favorite color palette ❤ Although I'm running out of colors 😅 So I been looking at the gradient version for inspiration and pin point the RGB in a document to make a slightly darker or muddier version , just until I find another palette I like as much.

🧡 Simvaria has a male preference inheritance law, meaning the eldest son inheritance before daughters. But it's just that , a preference, meaning it can be overlooked.

🧡 Simvarian names are heavily inspired by halflings from " The Witcher" , hobbits from "Lord Of The Rings" and D&D, as well as various medieval names and westerosi names from the "ASOIAF" universe.

🧡 Marriage in Simvaria is extremely important. Unmarried men and women are less socially secured compared to their married or widowed counterparts. Unmarried men are often forced to join the simvarian military/fleet and woman are less likely to earn money , if no family support ending up in almshouses or brothels. It is why a lot of simvarians end up in either arranged marriages by their parents or get married by convince as young adults - some marriages ending happy and some are just straight out of hell.

[khira-queen]

Day #2 - Horizon

Sheltering beneath a tree from a particularly scorching Thanalan Sun, just beyond Horizon's Sunset Gate, sat Khira. The pale Miqo'te Keeper squinted through beads of sweat perched on her eyelids, searching the rocky landscape for something, anything... interesting. Sighing, she put her brush and palette down to the ground before wiping her eyes clear with the back of her hand. It was an absolutely average day, with nary a spectacle, just wandering peiste's and... *smack* ...swarms of midges. Khira rubbed her cheek as she slumped back against the tree, pouting at the 'training' she had been given by an obliging tutor.

"I go to the effort of travelling all the way to Sharlayan, trading my knowledge and expertise for arcane tutelage, and that smug JERK of an educator insists on sending me around the world to find 'inspiration' before he'll teach me anything useful." She huffed, nails digging at the dirt beside her in frustration. Khira was already an accomplished arcanist, had been a lecturer herself at Mealvaan's Gate and had even advised the Maelstrom once upon a time. The thought of being treated like a novice stung, all the more when the task at hand seemed so irrelevant to her interest.

-

A few bells passed before the Khira returned to Ul'dah, painting in hand, canvas stained with dust and sweat. She had eventually pushed beyond her frustrations, she knew she would, it was the only way to get the knowledge she was after.

"Where is that insufferable... ah" Wandering through the stall of the Sapphire Avenue Exchange, she spotted her teacher, perusing a stall selling what could only be described as 'colour splashed haphazardly on parchment by a blind coblyn'. Khira was sure he would call them modern or, twelve forbid, 'avant-garde'.

"Ahah! Khira, my wayward pupil, you return! Quickly, quickly, over here." Shushulufa Fafalufa was a slightly rotund, dark haired Dunesfolk Lalafell, who, were it not for the splotches of coloured paint over his clothes, hands and even sometimes face, would easily be mistaken for a barrel of ale from a distance. The man spoke as if he were an expert on all things artistic, though after having visited countless purveyors of paintings with him, she wondered if art might be all he actually knew. "This stall owner was just apprising me of a new movement sweeping through Eorzea, artists painting without thought, letting fate drive their works! isn't it just fascinating! I may have to revise your..."

"Here." Khira interrupted, thrust her own painting into his gesticulating hands. "I've done as you asked, found 'inspiration' in the beauty of the land." The picture itself was barely more than an amateur attempt at landscape art; mottled brown jagged shapes for rocks, green sweeps of the underbrush, a sandy looking road cutting through it all, finished with a spiky orange ball in the centre. A bomb had wandered out of Copperbell.

"O-oh! How... marvelous!" Shushulufa smiled awkwardly, instinctively wanting to find a way to praise the piece while being simultaneously bewildered by its lack of refinement. Khira could only grunt in return, frustrated. She was beginning to think she had been conned into escorting an art dealer around the continent.

[universe-in-the-void-in-the-cube]

Hetalia D&D 5e/Pathfinder 1e - Part 2 Allies

I did a thing yesterday. Got on ChatGPT (I know bad mun) and made rough NPCs for my Pathfinder 1e game. And I used every core character from Hetalia. So, I shared with 3 Hetalia fans I follow and was told to share all of them if I did all of them. Which I did. So here we go.

America

Name: America

Race: Human (or if you want a more exotic option, a Half-Elf)

Rationale: To reflect America's ability to adapt and be diverse, Humans are a solid choice. A Half-Elf could represent his mixed heritage and cultural influences.

Classes (Levels 10-12):

Fighter (10 Levels)

Rationale: America is known for his brash confidence and love of combat, particularly in a heroic and exaggerated manner. The Fighter class showcases his ability in combat and various weapon proficiencies. He would likely favor ranged weapons, possibly a firearm or bow to represent his portrayal as a "hero."

Bard (2 Levels)

Rationale: Given America’s upbeat personality and the love he has for fun and entertainment (especially in the form of movies and video games), the Bard class gives him access to skills that reflect his charisma and charm. He could use bardic music to inspire others in battle, fitting with the themes of camaraderie found in Hetalia.

Paladin (1 Level)

Rationale: This reflects America's ideals of heroism, justice, and a certain moral code. Although a Paladin has a strict code of conduct, you can interpret this lightly, given America's character might be more of a self-styled hero than a traditional one.

Final Stats Example:

Race: Human (or Half-Elf)

Classes: Fighter 10 / Bard 2 / Paladin 1 (Level 12 Total)

Alignment: Chaotic Good (reflecting his brash and freedom-loving nature)

Skills: Emphasis on Charisma-based skills (like Diplomacy and Perform) along with typical Fighter skills (like Athletics, Intimidate, etc.).

Feats: Select feats that enhance combat prowess (like Power Attack, Deadly Aim) and those that bolster his Bardic abilities (such as Lingering Performance).

Equipment: Focus on a firearm (like a musket), some flashy armor, and possibly a few whimsical magical items that represent his quirky traits (like a cape that makes him appear more heroic).

England

Race: Human (Varisian)

The Varisian subrace fits well with England’s cultural background and provides some interesting flavor, particularly with their connection to caravans and the arts.

Classes:

Arcanist (Base Class) - England is known for his wizardry, especially with his affinity for magic, spells, and potions. The Arcanist class combines elements of Wizardry and Sorcery, which suits his character.

Rogue (Core Class) - He exhibits traits of cunning, cleverness, and a knack for strategy, akin to the Rogue class, giving him skills in deception and stealth, not to mention his dandy personality.

Bard (Core Class) - England has a notable interest in arts, history, and culture, along with a tendency to tell stories and stand out in social situations. Therefore, a few levels in Bard would further reflect his character and provide support to allies with buffs.

Level: 7th level (3 Arcanist, 2 Rogue, 2 Bard)

NPC Stats (Overview)

Race: Human (Varisian)

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Profession: Wizard and occasionally a bardic storyteller, schemer, and sometimes a fighter in various capacities.

Ability Scores (with examples of suggested stats):

Strength: 10 (Average, not particularly athletic)

Dexterity: 14 (Slightly enhanced for stealth)

Constitution: 12 (Decent resilience)

Intelligence: 18 (High, emphasizing magical prowess)

Wisdom: 12 (Save against silly antics)

Charisma: 16 (Strong presence and personality, good for a bard)

Skills

Arcane Knowledge: High ranks in Spellcraft and Knowledge (Arcana)

Social Skills: High ranks in Diplomacy, Bluff, and Perform

Subterfuge: Stealth and Disable Device from the Rogue class

Feats

Spell Focus (Evocation) - Represents his affinity for explosive, powerful magic.

Combat Casting - Helps him maintain spellcasting in combat.

Bardic Knowledge - Reflects his vast knowledge of history and storytelling.

Spells

Arcanist: Include spells like Magic Missile, Grease, Invisibility, and Charm Person.

Bard: Can include Inspire Courage and Cure Light Wounds for support.

Equipment

Preferred Equipment: A collection of magical trinkets and potions, an elegant cloak, and perhaps a unique magical item that symbolizes his heritage.

Role in Game

Campaign Role: England can serve as a powerful ally or intriguing antagonist. He may have political motivations, seek to protect cultural legacies, or even engage with players in strategic planning to deal with other NPCs.

France

Race: Human (or alternatively, Half-Elf for a more exotic flavor)

Human provides flexibility with the extra feat and skills.

Half-Elf adds to the charm with some elven features and a bonus to social skills.

Classes:

Bard (Archaeologist or Whispers)

Represents France's artistic and charming personality, with bardic performances, social skills, and access to a wide variety of spells that can confound, charm, and dazzle.

You could choose Archaeologist for a more adventure-themed bard, reflecting a romantic and adventurous spirit.

Rogue (Bardic Trickster or classic Rogue)

Reflects the cunning and sly nature often attributed to France, embodying aspects of stealth and charm.

Bardic Trickster enhances natural bard skills with a bit of rogue-esque utilities, while the classic rogue emphasizes skills like deception and acrobatics.

Magus (Arcane Trickster)

The Magus class adds a magical flair, supporting the artistic and sophisticated aspects of France, blending arcane power with combat prowess.

The Arcane Trickster archetype further emphasizes stealth, trickery, and a touch of panache.

Level: 10 (You can adjust this based on the power level of your campaign, but level 10 provides a good mix of abilities and spells while allowing access to mid-tier class features.)

Example NPC Statistics:

Race: Human

Classes: Bard 5 / Rogue 3 / Magus 2

Alignment: Chaotic Good (reflecting France's free-spirited nature)

Key Abilities:

Charisma: High, as both the Bard and Rogue rely on it for many of their skills and spells.

Dexterity: Important for skills regarding stealth and agility.

Skill Focus: Perform, Diplomacy, Bluff, Acrobatics, and Sleight of Hand.

Suggested Spells:

Bard Spells: Charm Person, Invisibility, Heroism, Glitterdust

Magus Spells: Shocking Grasp, Touch of Fatigue, Minor Image

Roleplaying Tips:

Draw from France's charismatic nature, often using flowery language and art references.

Portray a certain jovial and flirtatious demeanor but blend it with some cunning and mischievous vibes.

China

Race: Human

China is often depicted as wise, resourceful, and possessing a deep connection to his culture. The Human race provides versatility in abilities, skills, and extra feats.

Class Options:

Samurai (Base Class) - (Level 7)

Justification: The Samurai class represents China’s warrior spirit and emphasis on honor, martial prowess, and cultural heritage. This class has a focus on combat skills and allows for the use of katana-like weapons, fitting with China’s historical warrior representation.

Oracle (Unchained) (Base Class) - (Level 3)

Justification: The Oracle class symbolizes China's connection to spirituality and wisdom. The "Mystery" aspect can represent the rich traditions and philosophies of Chinese culture. Focusing on abilities that reflect ancient knowledge or divination can enrich the character's depth.

Bard (Base Class) - (Level 2)

Justification: The Bard reflects China's artistic side, considering his connection to calligraphy, poetry, and storytelling. A few levels in Bard can also provide abilities related to charm and diplomacy, which align with China's nuanced interactions with other countries.

Stat Distribution and Skills

Ability Scores (after racial bonus):

Strength: 12

Dexterity: 14

Constitution: 14

Intelligence: 16

Wisdom: 18

Charisma: 14

Skill Focus:

Knowledge (History)

Diplomacy

Perform (Oratory)

Sense Motive

Survival

Feats

Combat Reflexes

Improved Inititative

Leadership (to represent China’s respect and leadership among other nations)

Equipment

Weapons: Katana (or a similar weapon)

Armor: Medium armor (representing traditional warrior attire)

Magic Items: Amulet of natural armor (to represent protection) or a scroll of divination.

Special Abilities

Keen Mind: China has an exceptional memory for facts and details, granting him an advantage on Knowledge checks.

Cultural Diplomacy: Gain bonuses on Diplomacy checks when dealing with different cultures or nations.

Personality & Roleplaying Tips:

Personality: Wise, calm, sometimes sarcastic, and can be fiercely protective over his traditions and allies. Displays a mixture of humor and seriousness depending on the context.

Interactions: More focused on negotiation and trade rather than outright conflict but will defend his allies with honor when necessary.

Russia (Inspired by Hetalia)

Race: Half-Orc (representing strength and resilience)

Size: Medium

Ability Modifiers: +2 Strength, +2 Constitution, -2 Charisma.

Bonus Feats: Half-orcs gain a bonus feat at 1st level from a list of options.

Classes:

Fighter (Level 6)

Russia is known for his intimidating presence and strength. As a Fighter, he embodies these traits, excelling in combat with a focus on strength and weapon mastery.

Key Features: Bonus feats, heavy armor proficiency, and a strong attack ability.

Sorcerer (Level 3)

Taking inspiration from the lore around Russia and his connection to cold and ice, the Sorcerer class could represent his innate magical abilities.

Bloodline: Frost (Ice-themed spells and abilities).

Key Features: Spellcasting, bloodline powers like the ability to cast spells like Ray of Frost and Ice Storm.

Bard (Level 1)

The Bard class represents his charming but sometimes sinister personality, as well as his ability to sway others with words.

Bardic Performance could potentially reflect the way Russia influences others, playing on the charm he can exert despite his more intimidating traits.

Key Features: Spellcasting, bardic performances, and social skills.

Character Summary:

Hit Points: 6 (Fighter) + 3 (Sorcerer) + 1 (Bard) = 10 + Constitution modifier from Half-Orc.

Armor Class: High due to Fighter class features, plus heavy armor proficiency.

Primary Skills: Intimidate, Diplomacy, Knowledge (Arcana), Bluff.

Spells: Focusing on ice and cold spells aligned with his character.

Combat Style: Strong frontline fighter, using a combination of magical attacks and physical prowess to overpower opponents while still maintaining some utility and flexibility through Bardic abilities.

Equipment:

Weapons: Greatsword or a similar two-handed weapon representing power and intimidation.

Armor: Heavy armor for maximum protection, appearing imposing when entering battle.

Magical Items: Items that enhance cold spells or grant spells, possibly like a Ring of Frost or a Wand of Ray of Frost.

Canada

Race: Half-Elf

Reasoning: Canada possesses some traits of elven grace and connection to nature while also representing a human side. Half-elves have a unique balance of both races, aligning well with Canada’s character.

Classes:

Ranger (3 levels)

Justification: Canada is often portrayed as a quiet, nature-loving character who enjoys the great outdoors. His ability to track and connect with wildlife fits well with the Ranger class. Additionally, he can utilize animal companions that align with Canada’s affinity for nature.

Bard (4 levels)

Justification: The Bard class reflects Canada’s softer, gentler side. Even though he might be overlooked, he has a captivating charm that can gather allies and inspire others. Bards also have the ability to support their friends, echoing how Canada often tries to mediate and keep peace among nations.

Diplomat (Prestige Class, 3 levels)

Justification: This prestige class represents Canada’s diplomatic nature and attempts to maintain peace. It enhances his ability to negotiate and influence others, which is befitting for a character that often acts as the peacemaker among the nations in "Hetalia."

Level: 10

Level Distribution:

Ranger 3

Bard 4

Diplomat 3

Abilities:

Strength: Moderate

Dexterity: High

Constitution: Moderate

Intelligence: Average

Wisdom: High (reflecting his empathetic nature)

Charisma: High (as a bard, this enhances both his charm and diplomatic skills)

Skills:

Stealth (to reflect his tendency to be overlooked)

Nature (to showcase his connection to the natural world)

Diplomacy (to represent his ability to mediate and encourage peace)

Perform (for light-hearted entertainment and social interactions)

Equipment:

Weapons: A bow (reflecting his ranger training) and a rapier (for elegance and style).

Armor: Light armor (to allow freedom of movement and stealth).

Magic Items: Items that enhance his stealth, nature abilities, or diplomatic efforts, like a Cloak of Elvenkind or an Amulet of Diplomacy.

Personality Traits:

Polite and Reserved: Always tries to be kind and avoid conflict.

Gentle Nature: Loves animals and prefers peaceful interactions over combat.

Invisible Presence: Tends to not be noticed by others, which aligns with how he is portrayed often going unnoticed in the "Hetalia" anime and manga.

When integrating Canada into your game, you can highlight his quiet resilience and ability to bring people together in non-violent ways.

[splinnters]

welcome to my blog :]

|| my carrd || my ao3 || my twitter ||

commissions: closed (open soon!)

asks & requests: open!

BYF: 

hello, I'm splinters and I'm a writer/artist/annoying tumblr user that loves like a billion different things :D

I'm a minor, I'm trans and bi, and I am slightly annoying... but I love my interests to death and I'm so willing to talk about them at any given time

Fandoms:

Rise of the TMNT (main)

TMNT 2012 (main)

XMCU (main)

TMNT Mutant Mayhem

TMNT IDW/The Last Ronin

Ninjago

Legend of Zelda

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Chronicles of Narnia

Demon Slayer

HFJOne

BFDI

Gravity Falls

The Owl House

Percy Jackson

Miss Peregrine’s Home

Spirit Animals

Arcane

Hunger Games

Spiderverse

AMCU

uhh… to be continued?

DNI:

nothing specific so far except any transphobes/homophobes/etc GET OUT DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOU TWICE 

also please don't hate on other people's interests in my posts or if you do that please don't follow me :] I’m trying to have a good time and so is pretty much everybody else

Boundaries:

don't request me to write/draw n$fw, comment n$fw, or mention n$fw in reference to me

please give credit to me if you write/draw something inspired by any of my works (also I'd really like to see them)

don't compare me to other artists/writers in a neg way

don't steal my work/post my work to other places without my permission

Tags:

#splintered thoughts (my random thoughts unrelated to fandoms)

#splintered art (all of my art for all fandoms)

#splintered fics (all of my fics for all fandoms)

#splintered asks (any asks I’ve responded to)

#splintered music (any posts related to playlists I make or music I listen to)

#ninjago pride month (an event I did for pride month where I did LGBTQ+ headcanons for ninjago)

[tizeline]

Your art is so cool!! Can you share you digital art process sometime?

Ask and ye shall receive:

(Also thank you!!😭)

Aight so I have A Few digital art processes due to me being inconsistent and not being able to commit to one thing (I prefer calling it ✨having a creative and curious mind✨ but eh) so my processes are subject to change, but here are my more recent methods of drawing digitally.

First of all, my art software of choice in the last couple of years has been Procreate, with some of my most commonly used brushes being these:

Spectra is my brush of choice when it comes to sketching, I really like the texture and it has a nice feel when it comes to both size and opacity based on pressure.

Next up is lineart, what brushes I use in this stage goes hand in hand with what type of colouring process I'll use. When it comes to drawings with more flat shading (such as cellshading) I'll usually use Narinder Pencil. Again, nice texture, and I like it for situations where I want thinner lines with less variety in line-thickness.

When I use a colouring and shading process that's more complex/fully rendered of whatever tf you call it, I tend to use the Niko Rull or Eaglehawk (first drawing is the Niko Rull, second is Eaglehawk)

They are also the brushes I use for the actual rendering process of this particular colouring style (yeah guess we're going into to colouring stage now)

I have no idea how to describe my actual process on how I render my drawings lmao sorry I guess?? I kinda just improvise and hope it ends up looking decent haha. As you might be able to guess though, I am HEAVILY inspired by Arcane's art style (that show Awakened something in my istg) so uhhhhh go watch other people's tutorials on how to emulate the Arcane art style or smthn I dunno.

I will say though, the rendering process and the final look of the piece ends up being slightly different depending on which brush I use.

Niko Rull is rectangular as a base shape, and it doesn't really shade that easily on it's own. Because of that it takes a while to make the shading look good (trust the process!!) but I really like the end result (textureeeeee)

Eaglehawk is easier to blend and shade with (as in it takes a shorter amount of time) which leads to the end result being more smooth

Back to the drawings that use mainly flat shading! Here I will often use Eaglehawk to add that sweet sweet texture I keep going on about, basically I will just colour the areas that are either darker and/or more saturated (for example the cheeks, nose and ears in the latter case) with what is usually a warmer tone on a layer set to multiply, then I adjust the opacity to my liking.

Then I'll just cellshade using the Medium Hard Airbrush. I like using a cooler tone like blue often (like I did here in this example) but that changes a lot depending on what I think'll fit the art piece. Draw that on a layer set to multiply and again adjust the opacity to whatever looks good.

In the final stages of the drawing process I'll just add a bunch of filters until it looks good lmao. I am Bad At Colour Theory™, even though I KNOW the theory part of it, I have such a hard time actually using it practically. Basically, making the colour palette look good is HARD so I'll just CHEAT by using layers that's filled with a colour (whatever fits) and set it to like multiply or overlay or something like that and lower the opacity a bunch and BOOM people will think I know what I'm doing. One of my favorite is covering the entire drawing with a layer filled with a light blue colour, set that layer to Difference and lower the opacity to like 5%. The effect is subtle, but I like it.

Also, MORE TEXTURE!! Static texture!! Well, in procreate it's called "Noise" but it basically adds this static like texture to your selected layer. Use it on a layer that's filled with gray, set it to overlay lower the opacity a bunch and it gives this really nice grainy feel to your art. The colour filters I tend to use on all my coloured drawings, but the noise texture I mostly use the art with flat shading.

So yeah, sketching - lineart - colour flats - shading/rendering - add a bunch of filters - finished art piece, nothing really unusual there.

And lastly, some extra things I do:

In the lineart stage, I'll colour the sketch like red or something to differentiate between the sketch and lineart more easily.

I'll also lower the opacity of the sketch layer to help avoid accidentally drawing the lines on the same layer as the sketch (iykyk)

When filling in the flats, I'll first use a deep, saturated red or blue, and when I'm done filling in a section then I'll change the colour in that area to what it's actually supposed to be. This makes it easier to notice if there's a spot you missed to fill in because it'll contrast more!

I tend to prefer lineart that isn't pure black in my illustrations. With thinner lines I'll colour them a dark brown, blue, green etc, while with thicker lines I'll do the same but also lower the opacity slightly so that the colour underneath effects the lines colour as well.

You know how some people draw everything on like 1-3 layers? Yeah I'm the opposite, ONE MILLION LAYERS BABEYYYY you can never have too many!! (actually you can there's a limit but eh)

Sometimes, when I need to come up with a pose, I'll try posing in different ways myself to get ideas. I wont take any reference pics of myself tho because yikes

That's all I can think of for now! There's quite a lot to go into when it comes to art processes and I'm not great at explaining things, so if anyone has any questions just ask! :,)

[katyahina]

Quick Caryll headcanons update!

Alright, a few months ago I've made a post where I doodled all Byrgenwerth scholars I could possibly think of, but I've decided to change my ideas a bit in the end! Basically, I turned one character into two! So here is the changed post with the full cast and quick rundown: ( x )

More detail on why the change under cut though!

Long ago, when I just gotten into Bloodborne, my first vision of the character Caryll was of a red haired man who also was an artist. Even in one of those stereotypical berets, all that. Then I learned Caryll was ungendered name, so I opened up to potential of female character instead (really love to have more of those). And it was also around that time when I figured the potential of Caryll as the inspiration for the statue with a stitch on her forehead we see just behind Memory Altar - as well as Witch of Hemwick! We find Runes Workshop tool on a tied up corpse in Hemwick that appears to have bled and surrounded by many paper sheets, that made me think of experimenting on him to find out how many runes can human brain memorize at once before it explodes. Turns out only four, and that's my justification for in lore how everyone knows to not hold more than four in mind at once.

So for a while she was one of the witches and sole person responcible for runes - both having deciphered language of Great Ones, and then having brain surgery to 'speed up' process of receiving inhuman information! That dramatically shortened her lifespan and thus Old Hunters (and Church's prospectors too) revered her as a great help for their grave robbing- errr, exploration of the Chalice Dungeons! Hence why same statues are in the dungeons too.

Later though I found out that in Japanese original, character Caryll has legitimately masculine name - Karel, variant of Charles. ( x ) I myself use japanese script a lot but it never occured to me to check kanji of names so that was... a late discovery. Now I check names and titles too and it only was useful (especially with proper name of Kos thing). That didn't sit very well with that super female figure martyr mother teresa something vibe of the statue I copied Caryll from, nor with witch idea... Yet it still made a lot of sense to connect Hemwick stuff to it.

So I was lost on what to do, and then I remembered the very old instant impression of the redhead artist man and... It finally made sense to me! So I guess I just... knew something before I KNEW it?

So yeah, now Runes are joint effort of two people! :) Caryll is an artist from Cainhurst that also drew all those portraits, and had enough archiological education and talent to figure out an alphabet of Great Ones that even others could be taught to envision their own personal runes (ie Ludwig and Adeline). He saw very big potential in it as such language is exempt of the flaws of human languages and errors in verbal communication! People could even communicate their OWN thoughts and feelings to someone else without misunderstandings or language barriers - like how League's rune allows Valtr to let others see HIS understanding of what evil is and who has it. He also was slightly biased because he was hardly eloquent at all, and only felt like he could express himself in visual art. x)

Meanwhile, the witch was more of the "inventor" person that found a way to utilize Runes and created tools and means for exchanging them very effectively between people, without any divine Insight by brain fluid needed! Possibly worked on combining runes with ancient bells to basically create Arcane version of cellphones x) By getting literal eyes in her brain, she was able to receive significant amount of information that Caryll was able to perceive and write down too! Within lore, being close to a person who is seeing a Rune could make you see it too. Since it killed the witch quick, she was honored as martyr in the workshop for her sacrifice for the progress.

I now call her Carolee, but funny enough? Runesmith is mistranslation as well, because in the original it is 'Transcriptor Karel'. So basically Caryll is, indeed, transcriptor, meanwhile Carolee is, indeed, runeSMITH. Because tools and stuff. Had it not been too hard to bounce between general english speaking fandom and people who dwell on Japanese original as much as I do, I'd just call them Caryll and Karel instead! But yeah although similar names situation happens (like Adella and Adeline), that'd just be too confusing, so I gave her just a name that is variant of Caryll (and not variant of Karel!) similar enough, to still have connection to her previous version!

SO yeah, thanks anyone who read this short story! xD It just feels right for me, besides I feel like it'd be just bad to waste that redhead artist who came to me like a muse over a translation mistake... Like, sorry guy, you can't exist because I didn't bother to check the names extra time? It is like he saught me to let him exist, and I want him to have this chance! :) Just personal creator's intuition bias, don't mind me.

[cabbojage]

The idea of clocked out is really cool! How much inspiration did you take from the movie "in time"? And what other stuff do you use for inspiration?

thank you!! also omg i've never heard of "in time" but i just searched it up and the currency system is literally just like clocked out LMAOOO i think it's so cool that there's another piece of media out there that uses the same concept but i probably won't watch the movie just because i don't wanna get too influenced :") but from the synopsis alone i can tell that the system in "in time" is slightly different from my own - for one, the time currency in my world doesn't make people live forever

most of clocked out's inspiration comes from steampunk ghibli films! a lot of it is what i'd like to say is my own imagination & fascination with retrofuturism (i am very entertained by ideas of cities in the clouds, lol). the cardinals (practitioners of time magic) in clocked out are somewhat inspired by scythes from the arc of a scythe series. and the city of klairva comes from an amalgamation of a bunch of urban inspirations, both real & fictional - a mish mash of san francisco, hong kong, nyc, guadalajara, arcane's twin cities, some los angeles neighborhoods+culture, and clockpunk concept art on pinterest ;)

[darethshirl]

I posted 2,122 times in 2022

That's 1,509 more posts than 2021!

68 posts created (3%)

2,054 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@noire-pandora

@potatowitch

@wildercrow

@dreadfutures

@transfenris-truther

I tagged 431 of my posts in 2022

#my writing - 42 posts

#dragon age - 39 posts

#arcane - 18 posts

#art - 18 posts

#ask meme - 16 posts

#not da - 16 posts

#solas - 16 posts

#solavellan - 13 posts

#my oc - 10 posts

#zevran arainai - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#and the inherent satisfaction of pushing our own parental issues to a martyred fictional character that we have full control over

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

No matter how well Solas dons his armor—literal and metaphorical both—Lyanna always finds the cracks in it.

When they embrace, the rotunda hushed around them, she rests her head on his shoulder, the scent of her hair subtle and earthy as he inhales. Her lips land on his neck, on his fluttering pulse-point, a pressure as soft as a butterfly’s kiss. The weight of that simple gesture leaves him breathless. Brings him to his knees.

When they lie in bed together, naked and entangled, she clutches at his back, digs her fingers deep into his flesh. Her gasps are pressed against his cheek, his ear, the sounds sending a line of fire down his nerves and skin and core, the entire totality of his being. She finds the vulnerable junction of his neck and shoulder and bites, hard and merciless, claiming her due. He comes undone, an earth-shattering convulsion he is helpless to stop.

When they sit by the campfire, the air filled with soft crackling and softer murmurs, she smiles at him. The curve of her mouth is sweet under the starlight, the gleam of her eyes kind. She reaches carefully between them and touches his hand, lets her fingers fall on his palm. Her grasp is loose, gentle, easy to break. Asking for nothing.

He always returns it.

69 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

#4

“My dear man,” Zevran said with badly-suppressed amusement, “it’s only a small needle.”

“That is not small.” Alistair crossed his arms protectively over his bare chest, glaring at said tool with hate and mistrust. “That’s not even in the same category as ‘small’. Look at it! It’s as long as your finger!”

“Hmm. I suppose It bodes well for me that you’re impressed by such a size.”

Alistair ignored the glint in the other man’s eyes as well as his own blush. “Look, I’m just saying, some things were never meant to be this big. Things like nasty needles that are supposed to go under your skin, over and over again!”

“Don’t you want your own tattoo?” Zevran adroitly changed the subject, his voice going playful and honey-sweet. “An impressive, intricate, awe-inspiring tattoo to showcase your virility and good taste?”

“Well… well, yes.”

“Excellent! Then come, let’s get started. You’ll barely feel a thing, I promise.”

“Oh, sure, I believe you,” Alistair said with all the sarcasm he could muster. “Not!”

A loud sigh suddenly interrupted them, coming from Morrigan’s side of the camp. “Alistair, stop acting an overgrown toddler and get this over with already!”

“Stop butting into my personal business!” Alistair yelled back. “What do even care what I do?”

“I don’t!”

“Good! Then act like it!”

“I will, once you stop bothering us all with your donkey braying!”

Alistair scoffed. “I’m not bothering anyone. Am I bothering you guys?”

“Well,” Leliana offered cheerfully, “you are being rather loud.”

“You’ve been bothering me since the day you were born,” Sten muttered darkly.

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

“Alistair,” Mahariel finally spoke up, and everyone fell quiet as he lifted up his eyes, his gaze serious. “You don’t have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. You know that, right?”

Alistair deflated, feeling both warmed and slightly embarrassed by his friend’s worry. “I—I know…” Coming to a decision, he inhaled sharply and clapped his hands. “Okay. Okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

He kept quiet as Zevran approached. He made nary a peep as the needle touched his skin, its tip sharpened and much too cold.

He squealed at the first prickling. 

“Alright, my friend,” Zevran sighed, patting Alistair kindly on the shoulder. “We’ll work up to it.”

93 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

#3

“My liege.” Zevran gave an exaggerated, theatrical bow, bending so low that a strand of his hair touched the floor. “Your humble servant greets you.”

“Alright,” Alistair laughed nervously. His crown—already the simplest design he could get away with without inciting a rebellion among the nobility—suddenly felt heavy. “Ha, alright, yes, you’ve had your fun. Now stop making things weird.”

Zevran’s laugh sounded a million times more natural that Alistair’s pitiful attempt, not that this was particularly hard to achieve. His eyes glittered as he rose from his bow, his smile roguish. “Weird? My dear friend, I’m simply treating you with the respect you deserve. You’re a king now! A changed man.”

“No, no, definitely not changed—I mean—I mean, it’s only been a few months! People don’t just change after a few months!” A sense of doubt started to spread sinister tendrils in his mind. “...Right?”

“Some things definitely do,” Zevran said with overstated authority, then pointed a dramatically accusing finger. “Like this!”

“Like what?” Alistair glanced down in pure confusion. “My chest?”

“Your shirt. You’re wearing silk. Embroidered silk at that. My dear Alistair,” Zevran chuckled, trying valiantly to keep a straight face, “you have a fashion sense now.”

“Oh! Well…” Alistair thought about mentioning that this was simply the first shirt he picked out, blindly, from his fully-stocked closet this the morning, then decided against it. “Yeah, I guess it’s nice. Feels better than sweat-soaked armor, that’s for sure.” He snorted, and wasn’t even that sarcastic when he added, “Lots of creature comforts like that, when you become a king. Perks of the job.”

Zevran hummed absentmindedly, then walked up to Alistair and slung a casual arm over his shoulders. “I miss this, you know. You, babbling incoherently. Me, dazzling everyone with my presence.” He sighed expansively, looking around at the palace gardens as if to enjoy the view—which was hard to imagine, considering it was late autumn and all the trees were dead. “The road just isn’t the same without you.”

“Yeah,” Alistair said quietly. There was a lump in his throat all of a sudden, a twinge in his chest. “Yeah.”

Zevran’s gaze turned kind. He gripped Alistair’s shoulder, a subtle but much-appreciated show of camaraderie. “And how are you doing? Truly.”

“I’m… okay.” Alistair took a fortifying breath, then squared his shoulders. “Truly. It’s an adjustment, sure, but… I’m learning. And I am making a difference,” he said, the confidence rising in his voice. “I’ll make sure of that.”

Zevran gave Alistair’s shoulder one last squeeze, the clapped his hands. “Well! Enough catching up. Now, what kind of entertainment do you have in store for your esteemed guest? And I’m warning you, I’m expecting the royal treatment.”

“I’m gonna regret inviting you, aren’t I?” Alistair sighed, but he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. He smile was there for everyone to see, as bright as the sun.

113 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

#2

everytime I see a Solas hater be a weeny pissy baby over him being such a big part of the next game my petty lil grinch heart grows three sizes

123 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

For a single, heart-stopping second, Zevran thinks it’s his mother’s gloves he’s being offered.

It makes no sense, of course. Separated both by distance and immeasurable time, those well-loved relics are far gone from his reach, their soft touch only a memory in his heart. Still, these disappointingly new and clearly well-made gloves feel familiar in his hands, the brown leather crackling as he grips them tight.

Opposite him Mahariel sits quiet and solemn, his body limned by firelight. He stares at Zevran, expectant but not demanding, his dark eyes gleaming.

The glib words that usually come so effortlessly to Zevran now fail him. He swallows past a lump in his throat he refuses to acknowledge. “Thank you,” he says. His voice almost wavers.

Mahariel’s serious visage cracks into a smile, beautiful and warm, all the more precious for its rarity. “I’m glad you liked it.”

Such a simple line, such simple words. Zevran can only nod, and hold his own too-powerful, too-damning emotions back.

193 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[regionbetween]

with all this discussion about AI generated animation, and the idea of making an entire animated show through uh. prompt generation and an algorithm, i just want to remind us all where we came from. i am so inspired and in awe by old CGI. this was revolutionary for the time period and led us to films like tron and toy story, and then stuff like avatar years later. this is human work, human artists, using powerful and capable technology to make gorgeous art. taking their artistic and technological skills to elevate their art and make it three dimensional. we would not have any of the CGI movies, tv, and video games we love today without the hard work and incredible technology we created in the 70s. it is very disheartening to see this boom in "AI" generated art and animation- people acting as if it is this revolutionary type of tech and while it is impressive how far we've come, it's the lazy way out and it is born from plagiarism. however, it is not the technology that is evil, it is the capitalists behind it that prefer monetary gain over the ethics of stealing human artist's hard work and talent that are evil. now more than ever we need to remember our history and show appreciation for what animation was, and what it is today such as castlevania netflix, dorohedoro and other anime, arcane, and more.

this one is slightly unrelated but i think its really cool! the sketchpad demo revolutionized digital art! look at his stylus- it absolutely led is to wacom tablets and apple pencils. and this was in 1963 !!

[astudyincontrasts]

Bury Me Not On The Lone Prairie

Viktor x Fem!OC Reader - Western AU (NSFW)

Just a little gift fic for the kind and lovely @designfailure56 and their sweet, inspiring hee-haw Viktor art, and all their beautiful Arcane art.  Thank you for blessing this fandom by being a part of it and sharing your wonderful talents and huge heart with us all.

Synopsis:  Western AU set on a ranch in the 1800′s, just a romantic, slightly angsty, sometimes steamy little drabble I probably should have cut into three or four chapters.  A young widow struggles to run a ranch in the midwest with the help of one skrunkly, adorable man we all love.  No Y/N.

TW: mentions of death, mentions of sibling death and spouse death, angst, longing, possible allusions to non or dub con, minor bride typical for time period, domestic violence, off screen animal death, sex, oral sex, slight somnophilia.

“Viktor?!”

The heat of the day was sweltering, shimmers of it rising off the baked earth that wasn’t covered in the verge and scrubgrass of the rolling, open land.  Summers out here were nothing like those back in the country you knew in your youth.  No temperate, easy climate here.  Winters were harsh and cold, dumping piles of snow across the land from the storms that came off the mountains, and summers were breathlessly hot.

It wasn’t the verdant green of your island motherland, but the prairies had a beauty of their own.  It was just difficult to see it sometimes, when the sweat rolled stinging into your eyes and even your lightest cotton shift clung to your damp skin; prickly and cloying and trapping the heat in as it rose up under your feet from the baked earth.

But this was home, and it was your own.

Your parents, tired of no prospects and facing down starvation under the thumb of imperial rule, had packed you and all your siblings up and set sail for America, for hope and something new, only to be met with as much if not more derisive bigotry than they’d left behind.  But at least here there were jobs, there was work, and money to be made for those willing to work themselves to the bone.  Your father had joined the railroad teams, and your mother followed with all the kids in tow, moving town to town and work camp to work camp to help stitch this new land together with sutures of iron track and wood ties.

You were the eldest now, after your brother died of an illness borne in the contaminated drinking water in the crossing.  And being a girl, it meant your hands were supposed to help raise and care for the other little ones, until you were old enough to be unloaded.

You supposed your parents had meant well by it; thought they had worked out the perfect way to offer you security and prosperity, things they never had.  Still, you’d barely been 17 when they agreed to betroth you to the old man.  

He owned a vast, sprawling tract of the prairie your father’s team was currently building the railway through, a parcel he’d snatched up back in his own youth during the land grabs.  He used to love to tell that story over and over again, how they’d line up back in town and then when the gunshot rang out would ride or run like devils to snatch the stake or stakes driven into parcels of land.  Him and his brothers had got the biggest stake claims all adjoining and now that he was the only one left alive and they’d had no kin, he had one of the largest tracts of land outside of the nearest town.

The town where he’d spotted you while you lived there with your family as the railroad work was done.  Where he decided a pretty young thing with freckles across her nose was just the remedy for an old man’s lonesomeness in his big home.

He dowered you well, and you did your duty as you always had.  Went and married him at the little steeple church in a borrowed, scratchy lace gown.  Your family made richer for the loss of you.  

They still wrote, from time to time, or at least your mother did.  She was the only one of your parents with enough education to make letters and at least she’d taught you to read and write as well.  But the mail out here came rarely, and you had no way of knowing if the letters you sent back ever reached them or if they had moved on to a new town or camp, well aware the very last you’d ever see them was when the railroad team packed up to move out to the next stop.

The old man hadn’t been unkind.  He was gruff and quiet and set in his ways, but he never beat you or hurt you and he gave you a good home.  He died only three years after you were married, unexpectedly.  Took fever from a slight injury and went fast.  Terrifyingly fast.  It felt unkind to say you were grateful not to have to share his bed anymore, even if it was true… but it also thrust you into the unexpected position of land-rich widow, sole heir of the ranch and home and all the land.  

Your late husband had been a frugal man, and left you a tidy sum.  You could have sold the property and moved on, found a life of your own elsewhere, but you liked it here.  It was wild and free and beautiful.  And in the sweltering summer sun with not a single forgiving cloud in the sky, it was hot.

Many of the ranch hands had their doubts about the young immigrant widow inheriting the old man’s business.  And you still had your accent from your home country, that pretty little lilt that gave you away every time, and inspired no end of sneering or snide comments.  You were used to the precious little respect paid a woman, but you couldn’t understand why other native English speakers should hate people from your island so much, should make such terrible jokes and be so belittling.  And weren’t you all immigrants here?

Most of the help had left the week after the old man was buried, believing you would sell the ranch or else run it into the ground.  A few stuck around.  Viktor had been one of them.  He was young, just a little older than you, and had also been born elsewhere, a country with a language you didn’t know that gave him the most lovely soft accent.  And when he got frustrated and cursed in his native tongue it never failed to make you laugh, though you tried to hide it.

He stayed, and you were grateful.  He was gentle, quiet, good with the animals and so terribly smart.  A keen intelligence that took the place of the physical prowess most ranch hands had to offer, because there was certain hard labor he could not do with the squeaking metallic brace that ran up the lean length of his bad leg.  

It stunted his gait, and when he took it off or got tired he needed the support of a cane, but he could ride just fine, and never shirked in his work.  Found smarter, better ways to do things.  

You liked him very much.

He’d helped you, when you decided the cattle were too much trouble and too much of a risk for you to keep.  Helped you sell them all off at a tidy profit and then purchase sheep instead.  Easier to graze on the land, less work.  Far nicer to keep to sell their wool and the lambs each spring, and less of a target for the cattle poachers.

Viktor was a natural with the animals.  Gentle and quiet, they seemed naturally drawn to him.  You’d gifted him your late husband’s appaloosa gelding when you saw how the horse practically followed him around like a puppy.  How it nudged at his back or tried to steal his hat if he did not pay it enough attention with absent gentle petting.  He tried to refuse but you wouldn’t take no for an answer.  He’d stayed when others left, he was kind when others felt callous, and he listened.  The ranch flourished under you both.  And you had freedom.

He made you feel like… you.  Like your own you.  Not someone’s daughter or someone’s sister or someone’s wife or someone’s widow.  Just you, yourself.

He called you Miss where the others called you Ma’am.  And never referred to you as the Widow Walker, which you heard in town more often than you’d like to and made you feel like an old hag at 22.

He’d smile and it lit the world up a little more.  He’d watch you as you spoke with him, with those soft amber eyes under the heavy dark of his brows and you felt seen.  A little too seen, sometimes, could feel a soft blush creep up under the freckles across your cheeks if his attention stayed on you too long, and hoped your perpetual slight sunburn was enough to hide the way he turned your skin pink.

It wasn’t difficult to admit to yourself that you wanted him, just difficult to admit to wanting anything at all for yourself.  And you’d turned down multiple marriage proposals from men in town or the surrounding ranches, men looking at you as a ways to a means, a conduit to getting their hands on your land and money.  Denied your hand to good prospects in your quiet longing to never be someone’s something again.  

How could you then turn around and want instead to touch and be touched by a young man with no money, prospects, land or even a horse to his name until you’d gifted him one?  It felt impractical, foolish and silly.  Felt irresponsible and just a little selfish in a way that ignited all the quiet guilt both the church and your parents had always told you you ought to feel at wanting anything for yourself.

But god, you did.  You did want him for yourself.  A little more with each passing month since your husband died, and now two years in, it felt like a little more with every passing day.

There was not a ton of work to be done, outside of the usual everyday business of running the house and farm which was sufficient enough to fill a day, in the dead heat of late summer.  And most heavy jobs were confined to the early morning or early evening hours when it was still cooler out or the worst of the sun had faded.  Many of the ranch hands were seasonal, only showing up when it was time to cull or shear, or harvest or any number of the big jobs.  Only a few lived out on the ranch itself at the distant outbuilding where they could oversee the flocks and rotate pasture easily.  

Viktor, as your right hand, stayed closer.  You’d given him the foreman’s rooms, just off the big house.  An adjoining modest cluster of private rooms befitting the position of the person who helped run everything.  He’d tried to turn that down too, but you’d been at such a loose end after the original foreman quit not one day after your husband had been lowered into the ground.  And Viktor had stepped right in without needing to be asked or told, picked up the slack and kept you afloat when the rest of the world felt like rocks in your pockets, trying to sink you.

He refused to come into the big house and infringe on your domestic kingdom, though the large place was so quiet and felt so empty most of the time, you wished he would.  Only the kitchen, for breakfast or dinner when offered, and it was always offered.  Wouldn’t join you at the dining room table, too formal and fine a thing you supposed, for him.  But would happily sit at the little rough hewn kitchen table and have his coffee and eggs with you.   He’d come in at the end of the day and pull a colander full of green beans into his lap and start shucking the peas out of them without you having to ask, chatting away about the day and the plans for tomorrow.

And after dinner he’d go back to his rooms and you’d be left in the big house all to yourself.  To sit before the fireplace or sink into a hot bath if you had the energy to boil and haul that much water, or to lay alone in the big bed and listen to the crickets outside, praying for a cool breeze to lift the heat and stop you sweating through your nightgown.

Left to think about him.

About elegantly long fingered hands with rough calluses and how gentle they seemed.  About dark lashes over amber golden eyes and the shape of his mouth when he smiled.  How all his smiles seemed either shy or sly and nothing in between.  About the soft mess of his hair, the lean strength of bare forearms, the look of fierce concentration that he could get that made all the lovely angles of his face and jaw look like a work of art.

About what his skin might smell like when clean or taste like when sweated.

About how he’d feel between your legs or under your hands.

About him being tender.  Or him being rough.

Thought about him enough that some days it was impossible to look him in the face without blushing hotly, so sure he could read your mind and knew all the horrible things that went on up there.  Could hear you moan his name softly in your sleep at night when all the world was quiet save for the crickets and hoot owls and the distant howl of wolves out in the far foothills.

But if he could, he never let on.  Treated you with the same respectable distance and friendly coolness he had when the old man had been alive.  It made you certain he did not share your longing in the least, and in a way you were quietly grateful for it.  Made keeping your shameful crush all the easier, and keeping those safe boundaries in place simple.

“Viktor?!”

He’d been out in the heat of the day, expanding the chicken coop.  You’d been busy baking the week’s bread, and though the wood oven you were using was outside in the summer kitchen, it had no shade; designed and built by some man who would never have to make use of it himself, of course.  And you were feeling half baked to a toasted golden brown yourself by the time the second round of loaves were in the oven.  

You’d pulled some fresh, cold water from the pump and juiced four of the precious lemons from the crate you’d splurged on at market last week.  Grated sugar into it from the hard pressed little paper wrapped cone you kept, and mixed it all until it was a deliciously cold, tart-sweet lemonade sweating in the pretty crockery pitcher.  

You’d grabbed two glasses and made your way out toward the barn, calling his name.

Sat by the coop, sweat dripping off the tip of his nose and running rivulets down the dust on his cheeks, he looked up from where he was securing the wire fencing to fine posts to make a larger, longer run for the chicken flock.  

His smile sweeter than the sugar you’d licked from your fingers a minute ago.

“I thought you’d like a drink and a rest?”  You held the glasses aloft in offering.

“Oh, yes.  Thank you Miss.”  He rose, stiffly, always cognizant of that bad leg, and nodded toward the open breezeway doors of the hayloft and the shade within.  You followed in his stilted footsteps.

It was slightly cooler within, and the heat made the sweet scent of the hay all the stronger.  He eagerly accepted the glass you gave him and held it while you poured.  Nearly gulped down the first one, exhaling a soft gasp of breath as he drained the glass that had you laugh a little as you poured him a second and sipped at your own.

“That is wonderful, thank you.  This is why you wanted that bitter fruit?”  He asked, savoring the second glass instead of chugging it down.  Lemons were not a terribly common thing found out here, but you recalled little sweet cakes iced with them and served with tea from your youth and had bought the whole crate of them, much to Viktor’s dubious surprise.  “This is not bitter at all.  This is delicious.”

Skeptical of your purchase, he’d grabbed one of the lemons on the cart ride home and before you could stop him had sliced it like an orange and taken a bite.  His puckered reaction and wide eyed stare at you had been priceless, nearly had you pitch off the cart bench in a fit of teary-eyed laughter that had him bashfully sullen the rest of the ride home, pride and tastebuds wounded.  Grumbling occasionally under his breath in his native language in a way that you were sure was questioning your sanity. It only served to make you fight not to giggle more.

You grinned at him over the rim of your glass, feeling quite superior to have finally proved your point that you weren’t mad for spending so much on such silly bitter fruit, and plucked at the neckline of your dress.  Thin cotton clung to skin sticky with sweat.  You watched his gaze fall to it and then skim away quickly, glancing toward one of the hefty hay bales.

“Would you like to sit?  You look overheated.”  Kind words from someone far more sunstroked than yourself.  You nodded, but the prospect of the blades of hay poking itchy through the thin cotton of your dress was not a pleasant one.

“Help me with my apron?”

You turned, and setting the pitcher down on another hay bale, scooped your hair up off your neck and piled it high, holding it atop your head as you stood facing away.

His fingers found the bow fixing it at your lower back first.  Tugged slow until it gave, and then the one up at the nape of your neck.  Fingertips a light graze as he pulled it open.  You pinned the apron to your front with the hand still holding your glass and would have dropped your hair and turned back around, until you felt the soft skim of his fingertips gently tugging sweated fabric of the collar of your dress away from hot skin, and you froze.  Heart climbing up into your throat to lodge like a comfortable beating stone as he inhaled, and softly, softly blew a cool little breeze across the back of your neck, sending every fine hair of your entire body lifting in a tickling, electric thrill.

Your own breath escaped past that pounding heart in your throat as a near silent little shuddering sigh.

He had to have heard it, but he did it again.  Soft little blown breeze gently tickling behind one ear, along the path of your pulse, against the fine baby hairline and down the nape of your neck.  You couldn’t keep eyes open, gaze shuttering as every ounce of focus bent upon the soft breath he blew against sweat-slick skin.  You heard him shift slightly behind you and could only think of dropping the apron, of his hand coming round to pull open the string stays of your dress at the low front neckline, to peel damp cotton from skin and bare the shape of breasts, to graze fingers light as his breath over the aching stiffness he’d made of nipples with those little breezes.

Would he pinch?  Tug?  Tease little touches until you were begging for his mouth instead?  You were shivering, terrified it was visible.

Instead he must have switched hands that held the glass of lemonade, and used the ones cooled by the drink to gently trace down the skin of your neck in slow strokes, dragging the cool touch out so that skin sang for him.

You spun to face him, dropping hair, unable to take the tease a second longer, certain he’d kiss you, fit to die with the need to kiss him.  Only to find him smiling amicably at you, like he was the sole man on earth devoid of desire or want, and all he’d done was offer you a kind respite from the heat as you had done for him.  Meanwhile all your hungry attention was fixed on the shape of his mouth, your own parted embarrassingly obviously, your breath coming in shallow little fits.

He dug a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed at your nose, then up over your forehead and one cheek.  You watching in slow dawning horror at the white smudges of flour that came away on the dark blue cloth.

You’d wandered out to him straight from baking, covered in flour, looking like a silly mess.  Like some kind of white-painted circus clown.  Embarrassment turned your stomach over in a hard knot.

“Keep the pitcher.  I’ll make more.”  It all came out as one continuous word as you struggled to pull your loose apron into your free hand and beat a hasty retreat that was as close to running as the attempted nonchalance of absolutely full speed hurried walking away could manage, leaving him there with that handkerchief still hovering midair.

Stupid, stupid, stupid girl.

Back in the house, in the kitchen, you pitched up against the doorframe and clunked your head hard against the wood of it, repeatedly.  So stupid.  He probably thought you were a simple minded little fool, and who could blame him?  Shivering like that, making those sighs, staring at his mouth like you wanted to be devoured and all the while painted white in erratic smudges of flour.

God, but his touch lingered on your skin though.  Neck still a soft riot of cool fire where he’d grazed it.  

What if he had kissed you?  What if he’d let you push him back onto one of those hay bales and pull your skirts up to your hips, let you climb onto his lap.  His hands gripping your waist as you rode him slowly, watching his sharp chin lift and back arch as you showed him just how well you could ride astride and not foolish side-saddle.  The soft gold of eyes fixed on you as you came undone atop him, as you bounced on the delicious feel of him inside you.

Your hand had strayed down, pressed over your sex between your thighs as you shuddered, tried to compose yourself and failed, just leaning there, living in that daydream a long moment, unwilling to face the embarrassment that waited just outside the door to remind you what a silly idiot you’d been - were being.

You’d nearly dropped the glass you were holding before you finally came around again.  And set to wearing yourself out with chores to keep from thinking of any of it again.  You’d never had thoughts like this before, about anyone, and the intensity of them was a little frightening.

══════ ≪≫°✺°≪ ≫ ══════

He brought the pitcher back with him in the evening when he returned to share dinner, and thankfully did not speak of what had happened, or rather didn’t happen in the barn.  Didn’t tease you or make light of it.  Just complimented your dinner and shared the meal in relative silence.  

Afterward, after the dishes were done and he’d scrubbed himself up in the sink as well, washing dust and dirt from face, neck, forearms and hands, you thought he’d retire to his rooms.  Instead he headed off to them only to return with one of the books he’d borrowed from your late husband’s meager library.   Viktor loved to read and he’d regularly borrowed a single book at a time from the old man while he was alive, a tradition you took pleasure in keeping up with him.

“May I choose another?”  He offered his finished one back and you accepted it with a nod, turning to let him follow you into the big house and to the great room.  You fitted the book back in its empty slot in the shelf and watched him browse.  He had to have read nearly all of them by now, it was not a large collection and he was voracious in his reading.  It pleased you to no end to watch him struggle to settle on a new title before you crossed to the little writing desk nearby and turned the brass key to lift its lid.  Took a small paper-wrapped parcel from it and held it out, clearing your throat softly.

Golden gaze ticked from the bookshelf to you and dark brows lifted in surprise, his hand still gripping his chin thoughtfully now frozen there as he stared at the little parcel you held out.

“Something new?”  You offered, the smile spreading on your face almost sly in its pleasure.

Lemons weren’t the only different thing you’d bought at market last week.

Viktor’s attention ticked from the package to your face and back again before he managed to unstick himself from the spot and walk over to accept the gift.  He arched a dark brow at you questioningly as he pulled open the twine and unwrapped the paper.  The book that lay within was gorgeous, leather a deep oxblood red and etched in gold gilt at its spine and front cover, the title gorgeously stylized.

Viktor sucked a breath of delight and turned the book over and over again in his hands.

“Frankenstein?”

“It's a novel about science and galvanization - or something like that.  Whatever that means.  The bookseller highly recommended it.  I thought you might like something new.  Perhaps to start your own library?”  You offered shyly, taking the plain brown paper wrapping and twine from him so that he might enjoy the book unfettered.

As hungrily as he looked down at the book, the expression he turned up to you was more agonized than pleased.

“You should not have done this.  You’re too generous as it is.  This is…  this is a luxury.  I don’t -”

You stopped him there, your pleasure at being able to gift him something he liked so well being soured by his embarrassed attempt at refusal.  Stepping forward and fighting against hesitation, you placed a hand gently on his bare wrist.  Skin warm under your fingers, contact shooting a breathlessly wonderful static tingle straight up your arm.  

“I’ll thank you however I please.  You do much around here, and you’ve always helped me.  If I want to make you a gift of something as simple as a book, that’s my right.”

He gazed down at you in quiet awe and nodded slowly.

“Do you like it?”

“Do I… Yes, very much.”  He seemed to remember his manners the next moment, “Thank you.”

You smiled up at him and with no small effort managed to lift your touch off his wrist.

“You’re welcome, then.”  You watched him go back to examining the fine cover of the book and thumb gently through its new, stiff pages.  “Would you… that is, do you think you might read it to me a bit?  Out on the porch?”

The night was nice enough, the temperature dropping from the heat of the day.  And while you could read and write it was not as well as Viktor could.  You’d tried some of the books he’d borrowed and returned only to stumble over more than half the words and struggle so hard it made you tired.

“Of course.”  Again that lift of heavy brows in slight surprise at your request, but he acquiesced readily enough it left no room for you to feel guilty that you’d somehow imposed on his free time.  “If you like.”

“I’ll meet you out there.”  Another sweet offering of a little smile for him, one he seemed to puzzle over as he left the room.

Up the stairs you went to clean the dirt of the day off yourself at the wrought iron stand in your bedroom that held pitcher and ewer.  Careful to check your reflection in the little glass mounted above it.  No flour or smudges or unnoticed marks to make you look a fool.  You shed the damp dress and left it to hang and air out by one of the open windows, changed out of underthings and pulled on the soft, thin white muslin of a nightdress that bared your arms.  You brushed out your hair and braided it to one side for sleeping, grabbed the thin comfort of a finely crocheted shawl your mother had gifted you for your wedding and shrugged it on for modesty as you padded back downstairs in bare feet.

Outside, Viktor had settled into one of the rocking chairs on the large porch that wrapped three quarters of the house.  He’d lit a little hurricane lamp to read by and sat thumbing through his new novel, waiting on you patiently.

You felt a little pang to see he’d chosen one of the rockers instead of the bench you might have shared together, and fought against the impulse to imagine climbing right into his lap instead of taking your own seat, and settling against his chest in a warm cuddle.  The way your younger siblings used to clamber into your lap when you’d read them bedtime stories from the tatty old book of fairytales your mother had taught all of you to read from.

Viktor glanced up as you approached, and you could watch the sudden, unguarded look of shock pass over his features to see you in your nightthings.  It gave you a momentary pause, to think perhaps you should have been more modest, waited to get ready for bed until after he was done reading, but the day’s heat still lingered a bit and it felt far more comfortable in a clean shift the air could move through.  You simply gathered the thin crochet lace of the shawl a bit more around yourself and sank into the nearest rocking chair with a smile you hoped was more charming than apologetically embarrassed.

Viktor’s mouth parted as he watched you settle, like he was struggling with the impulse of observation or conversation, before he finally gave it up as lost and instead just opened the book and began without preamble.

“Frankenstein  or, the Modern Prometheus.

A Letter to Mrs. Saville, England;

You will rejoice to hear that no disaster has accompanied the commencement of an enterprise which you have regarded with such evil forebodings. I arrived here yesterday, and my first task is to assure my dear sister of my welfare and increasing confidence in the success of my undertaking.

I am already far north of London, and as I walk in the streets of Petersburgh, I feel a cold northern breeze play upon my cheeks, which braces my nerves and fills me with delight. Do you understand this feeling? This breeze, which has travelled from the regions towards which I am advancing, gives me a foretaste of those icy climes. Inspirited by this wind of promise, my daydreams become more fervent and vivid. I try in vain to be persuaded that the pole is the seat of frost and desolation; it ever presents itself to my imagination as the region of beauty and delight… ”

It was lovely, listening to him read.  His voice gentle, warmly accented in a way that made the words feel fresh and soft.  He never stumbled over the words like you might have done, or struggled with the larger ones.  His pace picked up as he reached exciting portions, losing himself and his usual quiet reserve in the thrill of the story, letting that mask slip to reveal a bit of passion underneath.

The bookseller had been right, it was a good book, and you were glad you’d bought it, the tale nearly as enrapturing as the young man reading it to you.  Still, the day had been a long one and the heat took much out of you both.  It was all too soon you were yawning, struggling to keep eyes open but unwilling to ask Viktor to stop so that you might go to bed.  Too greedy for his company and to keep listening to his voice.  Small mercy he seemed to be able to tear himself away from the story enough to notice you fading out and closed the book gently.

“You should sleep.”  As if he himself didn’t look utterly exhausted as well, dark shadows under luminous eyes and lids heavy even as he obviously craved more of the book held tenderly in his hands.  You nodded, stifling yet another jaw-cracking yawn and rose, him following, pausing to blow out the lantern and follow you through the door.

He caught you inside, after he’d shut the door and turned the lock, your foot on the first of the stairs.  The warm grasp of his hand on your bare upper arm where the shawl had slipped stopped you in your tracks, had you glance up questioningly even as you wanted to sink all focus into the feel of his skin on yours, the sweeping lift of goosebumps that ran straight down from elbow to wrist.

He was staring at the floor, at your bare feet and his own boots.  Like he couldn’t bring himself to look you in the eyes for the very first time since you’d known him.  His thumb pressed to the soft of your bicep, and slowly swept a little back and forth arc, and suddenly you understood very well why all the animals seemed to cave and gentle under his hands.

“Thank you again, Miss.”  

Before you could speak or move or even finish forming a rational thought he leaned forward, brushed a peck of a kiss to the soft apple of your cheek.  And your brain became nothing but the static soft sound of rain, entirely blank, an empty void where all that existed was the warm little press of his mouth, the radiant heat of his nearness as he lingered close enough for his nose to brush your cheekbone.

“Good night.”  

And then he was gone.  Touch was gone, mouth gone, the back of him retreating toward the kitchen and his adjoining rooms.  Leaving you stood there blinking, swaying slightly as you clung to the banister with the white knuckle grip of one hand. Struggling to recall how air worked and lungs used it and what a heartbeat was for, if not to deafen you as it hammered away inside the empty hollow where your brain once lived.

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Things settled for the next few days, though that following morning he had just taken his coffee and headed out to chores without sitting down to breakfast across from you or while you puttered about the kitchen.  You supposed it made you feel grateful, not to be subject to an awkward silence or the unspoken tension of what had happened the night before.  As exhausted as you’d been, he’d robbed you of a good night's sleep with that kiss and this morning you were struggling through the fog of starting the day more bone-tired than you’d ended the previous one.  Not a great space for keeping your head on straight and staying coolly collected.

You stuck to the work you could do in and around the house, gave you both some space.  Decided it was a fair day to tackle the laundry and spent hours filling the massive tubs outside, heating water, scrubbing and wringing and rinsing and wringing until your forearms ached and your wrists burned and fingers trembled weakly as you pinned everything to the lines stretched between the sapling trees in the sun of the side yard.

Glad that he’d been busy down at the barn with the coop and caring for the hogs so that you could sneak shoving your face into one of his worn shirts before you washed it, inhaling the scent of him, spice sweat and sharp musk, fresh air and sunshine and him .

So tired after you were done with the washing that you went inside and sprawled out on the couch in the great room, windows flung open, begging for a cool breeze, the scent of the cold, unused fireplace filling the space with the ghost of woodsmoke from autumn and winter fires gone by.  A little nap in the quiet space couldn’t hurt.  So tired your eyes were closed before your head even hit the stiff, overstuffed and tufted cushion.

Your husband slapped you awake.  You jolted upright, startled.  He’d never raised a hand to you before.  The old man stood glowering over you, fists clenched like he was ready to beat you senseless.  Shouting.  Something about betrayal, about being a filthy hussy, an embarrassment, a whore.  The room behind him was crowded, you noticed, to your horror.  Your parents, the preacher, your siblings, the ranch hands, half the town it seemed.  All watching in disgust at you.  The old man had you by the shoulders, was shaking you until your teeth rattled, heaping abuse upon you as the others shouted agreement.

You woke with a start, bolt upright, a scream choked in your throat and tears wet on your cheeks.  The room empty.  No one, nothing, not even the wisp of a phantom dissipating into the stagnant afternoon heat.  The door to the kitchen banged open and closed.

“Miss?  I brought the eggs up.”  

Viktor.  Oh no.  Scrambling up off the couch you panicked.  Not enough time to make it to the stairs and up them, nowhere in the open great room to hide.  Eyes landed on the little door to the understair cupboard and you flew to it, wrenched it open and ducked inside, shutting it behind you and clinging with all your weight to the little knob within.

“Miss?”  Viktor’s voice in the room just outside a second later.

You balled up your apron and shoved it into your mouth, willing the choking sobs left from the dream to subside, struggling mightily to regain calm or at least not cry audibly.  One ragged breath, two, before you trusted your voice.  

“...Yes?”  It still cracked slightly, and you winced.

“What are you -”  Puzzled, just outside the little door, you felt him give the knob a tug only to find it immovable with all your weight thrown behind it.  A long moment’s pause and you could practically hear him trying to figure out just how to ask what the living hells you were doing in a cramped dark cupboard with the door shut.  Trying to figure out if you’d gone mad and how, if you had, he ought to proceed.

“I brought the eggs up.  And a pail of milk.  I’ll… I’ll leave them in the kitchen?”

“Yes ok.  Thank you.”  You managed to get out, and strained to hear the footfalls of his boots as he at last turned hesitantly away and made his way back to the kitchen.  Unwilling, unable to relax until the kitchen door banged again on his way out.

Releasing the doorknob, you collapsed on the cramped floor of the cupboard, pushed your whole face into your apron and screamed soundlessly.

You could not stop your hands shaking the rest of the day.  And it was your turn to not be able to look him in the face when he joined you for dinner in the evening, picking at your plate only to finish early and head up to bed with a mumbled good night before he’d even finished his meal.  Convinced your face was still splotchy and eyes still puffy from the tears earlier.  The dream confused you, sickened you and set you on edge.

How could something that felt so good bring on so much guilt?

But that’s how you were brought up, wasn’t it?  Don’t want, don’t need, don’t ask for anything.  How dare you have desires, you who were made to be daughter, wife, mother, worker, caregiver.  

The following two days were better, more normal, full of so much work that there could be no distractions, no lingering or fantasizing or dreaming.  From sunup to sundown nothing but the daily toil, falling bonelessly into bed each night exhausted into a blissfully dreamless slumber.

But the heat had increased each day until by the third it was positively baking.  

Too hot to move, to think.  Even the animals refused to come out of the shade.  All you could do was offer cool water, give them their feed and then hike it back to the house to sit on the porch and fan yourself as sweat rolled down and stung your eyes.  Viktor sat sprawled uncomfortably in one of the rocking chairs, fanning himself with the broad brim of his hat, unable to even open his new beloved book for fear sweat-damp fingers would smudge and ruin delicate ink and pages.

“Enough of this.”

You turned to blink at him.  It was possibly the most declaratory statement you’d ever heard out of him.  Heat had a way of raising tempers, not that he sounded mad, just agitated and exhausted with sweltering away into dust.

“There is a watering hole by the stream.  I am going swimming, do you wish to come?”  He rose, slipped his hat on and stepped off the porch, waiting for an answer before he headed to the barn to get the appaloosa saddled.

Swimming, god yes.  The stream that cut through your lands, which by rights was more like a small river in places, came down from the snowpack high in the mountains.  Always cold, always fresh and clear.  You nodded absolutely elated agreement and jumped up, hurried into the house as he made his way for the barn.

Grabbing a basket, you packed sandwiches, fruit, two cold bottles of beer left in the root cellar from the fall brewing, and then ran upstairs to pull on the best approximation to a swimming costume you owned; a pair of muslin bloomers that came to just above your knees and a thin muslin underbodice, a sleeveless shirt made to go under the frippery of a corset, an item of clothing you’d stopped wearing except on trips to town when you had to look a proper lady.  It laced with fine thin ribbon in the front, gathered at the bosom and fitted neatly from ribs to waist, matched perfectly to the white thin fabric of the bloomers, both cool and soft against skin as you pulled your dress back on, shoved two towels and a blanket for sitting on into the top of the basket and headed out the door.

Viktor waited by the porch on the appaloosa, the horse blinking unhappily in the searing midday sun, its tail flicking flies from its flanks restlessly.  He hadn’t saddled it, just tossed on a bridle and lead and sat waiting bareback.  He rode up to the stairs, offered you a hand and helped pull you on behind himself.  Silly side-saddle of course.  You balanced as best you could, kept the basket clutched tight in your lap and one arm snaked round his chest.  

He kept the pace sedate, probably as much for the horse’s sake as for you own, and the appaloosa, surely part quarter horse mingled with the wild ponies of the plains, had a sufficiently broad backside and rump that the ride, whilst swaying, was comfortable enough.

Out into the open fields, past some of the older grazing herd of sheep kept close to the property and not further out in the grasslands with the ranch hands, he picked a meandering path toward the river and its watering hole, a half hour’s ride at this slow saunter.  Were it not for the hot sun beating down, blinding you, turning the very surface of skin to sizzling pink, you might have enjoyed the distracting nearness of him, of your side pressed to his back and arm round him, your hand splayed on his chest.  Instead the heat made every point of contact a sweaty, sticky nightmare.  Increased heat to unbearable levels so that by the time you drew up to the watering hole and its shady bower of leafy trees you felt like you could drink the entire stream and still not regain all the water you’d lost on the ride over.

Viktor swung his good leg over before himself and slid down off the horse to reach up and take the basket from you, then offered you a hand as you slid off yourself.  You took the basket back and Viktor had just about enough time to relieve the appaloosa of its bridle, leaving just the halter and lead rope looped round its neck, before the horse had left you both to go drink deeply from the water.  Once sated, it waded to the other side of the stream and lowered itself unceremoniously onto its side to roll in the lush, tall grass that grew in the shade.

You found a rock by one of the trees and left the basket in the shade there to sit down and fuss with the button hook closures of your boots, prizing them open carefully before kicking feet free joyfully.  Viktor had settled a little distance away and was undoing his brace.  You both struggled not to watch the other undress, no cover or shrubs to duck behind in order to preserve modesty.  Thankfully all you had to do was lift your dress off and be done with it, left in your pretty, frilly white underthings and bare feet, you bent to gather your hair and pin it up in a messy little twist, then picked your way toward the little waterfall that tumbled down into the basin of the watering hole and took a seat on the slippery rocks to dangle your feet into the cool waters.

The hole was large enough to almost qualify as a small pond, shallow at its edges and deep in the center and near the waterfall.  The banks were soft, sandy loam scattered with pebbles rounded by their trip down the stream, marks of animal prints here and there told of the sheep and deer and cattle and coyotes come to slake their thirst.

Viktor pulled off boots, and you struggled not to be too terribly noticeable about how you watched him undo his shirt buttons, about how you memorized the hunch of broad shoulders as he focused on the lower ones and worked upward, straightened and shrugged out of it and then pulled loose his belt.  Eyes darted down hard into the pools of water below you as he remembered his audience and glanced up before turning his back to open his pants and shuffle out of them.  Left you struggling not to laugh at the hop he did on one leg as he got caught on removing the other.

He heard you though, and shot a heatless glare over one shoulder that had you jerk eyes up to the sky in feigned innocence.  Clearly too preoccupied with watching the cloudless sky to have possibly been laughing at his undressing antics.

Free at last of his pants and left only in his drawers he hobbled carefully to the waters’ edge and gradually minced his way into the chill pool.  Hands up by his shoulders, arms bent outward like folded wings, teeth bared as he bit by agonizing bit inched into the cool depths in the most hilariously fastidious manner you’d ever witnessed.  It had you rolling, snickering unabashedly at his suffering as he tried to acclimate to the cold water.  And at last when you couldn’t take it any more you scooped one dangling foot into the pool and kicked an enormous, soaking splash at him that left him frozen in place, drenched and dripping and glaring balefully off into the distance before he rounded on you with mock-irritation.

“Aya!”  He shook dripping hands like a cat who’d gotten its paws wet, only earning him another heavy splash from you that left him more drenched.  He glowered, and without another word dove deep into the pond, leaving nothing but a ripple behind in the dark waters.

You waited, watched.  Time stretched, cicadas buzzing, the birds singing overhead and the appaloosa noisily munching lush grass while it lay lazily on the bank.

The hand from the depths closed on your ankle with a yank and you toppled into the pool of water with a delighted shriek.

Laughing hard as you surfaced, you splashed furiously at the water-blurred shape of him, only to feel him grab hold of your wrist and drag you under, a dunking in retaliation.   Once more a gasp of laughter as you broke surface again, treading water messily, feeling a foot kick his shin and his hands close on your waist as you blindly found purchase with your hands on his bare shoulders.

The world stilled, laughter dying, trailing from a quiet giggle to nothingness as you floated against him, nose to nose.  Watched a bead of water run down over the freckle of a beauty mark under his one eye and reached with your thumb to dab it away in a light stroke.  Felt the fine long fingers of his hands slide to span your ribs as the two of you just stared at the other, watching water roll off skin and drip from noses and chins, watched how it made a gloss of lips and clumped dark eyelashes.

Your legs rose automatically and hooked round his lean hips to keep afloat, keep from kicking him again.  His skin warm against your own in the cool water.  You could feel his hands tighten and release on your sides, and by some small mercy kept from shivering as his thumbs grazed the outer curve of breasts over soaked fabric, a touch that had you winding arms slow around his shoulders.

Kiss me, please kiss me.

The pleading played refrain over and over again in your brain as you watched his gaze fall toward your mouth, only to feel him lift a hand to reach up and tug loose your hair pin, letting the wet of your hair down, letting it fan out in the water over your shoulders as you bobbed against him, tightened the grip of your thighs ever so slightly.  Fully incapable this time of repressing that soft shiver at the little friction and pressure of being pressed against him, sex bare save for that thin, wet cotton between you.

Kiss me, please.

Your hand cradled his face, shaped to the hollow of cheek, and once more you wiped away a little shivering drop of water, this one clinging to the underside of his lower lip.  You could have licked it away, if only he’d just tilt his face forward a little bit, part his mouth and take yours.

His gaze ticked up to catch your own again and you couldn’t stand it one more second, couldn’t keep staring into his face and not do something foolish.  Instead, you wrapped arms all the tighter around his shoulders and leaned your head past his in an embrace.  Held the warmth of him close in the cold water as you laid your cheek against his damp hair.

You felt his ribcage expand and contract in the huff of a silent sigh as he wrapped arms around you as well, the slow stroke of his hands along your back a soothing caress nearly as good as having tasted his mouth would have felt.  The point of his chin came to rest in the hollow between your neck and shoulder, and the pair of you floated.  Suspended, silent, entwined.

It felt a little bit like heaven, a little like purgatory.  So close.

Even from the safety of this you felt tempted.  And after a while, rocked your head lightly against his, turned ever so slightly to nudge the shell of his ear with the tip of your nose.  Felt him exhale again hard as his hands fell, scooped under your bottom and brought you hard and tight against him in a way that had you gasp a little breath.

That seemed to break him out of it and he disentangled slowly, mumbling something that sounded apologetic in his native tongue.  You let him go, unwound your arms and swam away, under the hard pound of the cold waterfall to let it wash your hair back and drum away the feeling of his hands, his skin, his heart beating up against your own.  Not that it did any good.  They were branded on you now, and you’d feel them in your sleep, you knew it.

Back into the water you dove, paddling about as Viktor climbed to the shore, shook out the blanket and laid it down in the grass, setting the basket on it and stretching out as he dug in its depths to pull out an apple and take a bite.  He was all long, lean lines.  A whip thin shape even with the benefit of clothes.  Clad only in dark drawers, he made a taut, tall slice of a figure.  Skin pale save for face and throat, hands and forearms where the sun had kissed it more golden.  The soft dark trail of hair from navel down into drawers was distracting, enticing, had you keep your attention fixed on the water before you as you swam about, reveling in the cool wash that sucked the heat right out of skin and bone.

“You swim like a fish.”  He called from the shore, had you cast a smile in his direction and paddle toward him.  Sandy loam squelched under your feet as you set them down and rose, walked out of the watering hole and toward him, watched something in his face flicker before he carefully schooled it to stillness and turned his focus on the apple in his hand as you took a towel and wrapped it around yourself to sink down beside him, the basket between you.

“Did you learn how to, where you came from?”  He asked, taking another bite of the fruit before glancing toward you again.

“Mmhm. You?”  You dabbed at your chin and face with the towel, knees drawn up to your chest and the dry cloth wrapped round you as the summer heat slowly sunk back into chilled skin.

“No, I learned here.  I was quite young when we left the old country.  I don’t remember much of it.”

“We lived in a city near the sea.  It was always cold water and never very hot like it gets here, but when you are a child, all you want to do is play in the waves.”  You could still taste the bitter salt spray, hear your siblings laughing and begging you to toss them in the water, as your elder brother had tossed you.  Airborne in flight for a breathless second then a plunge into the pinching cold.  Prizing mussels and cockles off the slippery rocks and taking them home in baskets for mother.  Lips blue, teeth chattering.  Sand in your hair for a week until bathtime next.  

“Do you miss it?  Your home?”  He asked, watching you caught in the reverie of distant childhood.

You offered him a little smile and took a sandwich wrapped in brown paper from the basket.  Pulled the two halves of it apart and held one out to him.

“No.  This is my home now.”

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You had realized later what it was that had earned you that slightly wide-eyed look of his as you had walked up the bank.  When you rose at last to finish drying off and put your dress back on you realized the white muslin cloth of your underthings had gone completely transparent in the water.  Even slightly dried as they were now they still clung close and obvious to skin, translucent where they touched you.  It had you pulling your dress on quickly and struggling to repress the heat of embarrassment that you’d paraded your practically naked self up out of the water toward him.  

You gave up putting your boots back on, incapable of rebuttoning them without the button loop, and tossed them in the basket instead.  Dressed and back astride the appaloosa, Viktor took the basket in one hand and offered you a hand up with the other.

This time when you climbed up you sat astride, bloomers and the lack of saddle keeping it from being uncomfortable, though your dress did bunch and ride up a bit.  You took the basket back in one hand and looped the other arm around him as the horse set off for home.

The sun was sinking lower, the worst of the heat passed, and the water and shade had done the trick to suck the swelter out of you both, leaving behind only a warm sleepiness that always seemed to follow swimming.  You settled against Viktor’s back and let your cheek rest between the broad span of his shoulderblades.  

Against his chest your hand stretched wide, and you could feel that slow pound of his heart again in it.  You felt him shift the grip of reins to one hand and then the trail of his fingers along the underside of your arm, a soft and stray drag until his palm pressed over your own, kept it tight to his chest.  The pair of you swayed with the horse’s gait, moving a bit faster in its walk, eager to get home to its evening ration of grain.

Back home he helped you off the horse again, letting you slide to your feet behind him with a hand, and rode back to the stables to finish the evening chores and put the appaloosa away.

The heat of the day lingered inside the big house, and you left the basket in the kitchen to head upstairs, strip out of damp underthings and rinse off with a cloth dipped in the ewer of water.  Redressed, and headed down to start dinner.

He joined you just as you were finishing setting the table, and the surprise of his hand on the small of your back stopped you in place.  For a heart stopping moment you were flooded with the notion he might gently push you down onto the table top.  Hitch your skirt up and slide those lovely calloused long fingers of his between your legs.  That he might speak in that language you didn’t know, lavish you with quiet praise you couldn’t understand as he stroked tenderly through slick folds.  That he might take you there, rattle the dishes off the table as he thrust into you, hand gripping your hip, the other pressed to your back, pinning you down as he fucked you into the table, its rough hewn edge cutting along the tops of thighs with each thrust, listening to you moan his name like a litany and only beg to have it harder.

Instead you felt his hand lift, and he caught up the spill of your nearly dry hair, twisted it gently and pinned it atop your head with the hairpin he’d pulled from it earlier.  You’d forgotten all about the little trinket, forgot your hair was down like you were a child, drying in soft waves and curls.  He pulled one of those curls free behind your ear, and for a moment the warmth of his hand rested tenderly across the nape of your bared neck.

Made you feel ashamed for what you’d just imagined, for the heavy weight in the pit of you and the hard throb between your legs.

Then his touch was gone and he was scrubbing up for dinner at the sink, leaving you to try to scrape yourself together and get the meal on the table.  You had an appetite after the day, but you couldn’t do much more than pick at your food as you sat wondering in silence if there was something truly wrong with you.  If you had some kind of brain fever, or something.  Maybe… maybe it was just the heat, the lonesomeness of the open land, the big quiet house.

You glanced up and found Viktor watching you, saw the way his mouth curved in a shy half a smile, the pretty cupid bow shape of his upper lip made all the more lovely with the softness of that smile, the distracting little beauty mark just over its curled edge stealing all your focus.

“Should I read again tonight?”  He asked lightly.

Another evening of listening to his voice?  That soothing gentle timbre and soft lilt that tickled just as well as his errant touches did?

“Oh yes.”  You offered him as sweet a smile as you could manage, feeling like a terrible, disgusting snake in the grass.  He was kind, and lovely, and you were consumed with nothing but the most wicked thoughts for him.  If he knew, he’d leave, and rightly so.

Once more you left him to finish the cleaning up after dinner, went upstairs to change.  You wanted to brush your hair out and braid it, but it looked so pretty the way he’d pinned it up, you left it instead.  Grabbed a shawl to cover your thin nightgown and padded downstairs in bare feet.  You could see him through the windows, sitting out on the porch, the hurricane lamp already lit, glowing warmly in the darkness beside him.  You hesitated in the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of the cherry wine, uncorked it, and chose two tumblers before heading outside.

You found him sitting on the bench settee instead of the rocker, and it would have given you pause had he not glanced up with another of those darling tilted smiles the second he heard your bare feet on the floorboards, and you had no choice but to come, sit down right beside him and smile in return.

He accepted the glass you offered, though with a bit of a puzzled look.

“You shouldn’t waste wine on me.”  He protested as you poured, and you shook your head, totting out a glass for yourself as well before setting the bottle aside on the floor.

“I don’t like to drink alone, Viktor.  And I have no dinner guests or parties to throw.  Besides, cherry wine tastes best in summer.”  You clinked your glass gently against his and took a long sip, watched him do the same and lift those heavy brows as the tart sweetness of it hit his tongue.  He laughed softly with a little cough as he lowered the tilt of the glass, surprised by the thick sweet of it, but he still took another draught.

You settled in beside him, shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh as he opened the book and found the place you’d last left off.  In the far distance, over the mountains, lightning lit the sky in lazy, slow bursts of light behind deep purple clouds.

“When I had attained the age of seventeen my parents resolved that I should become a student at the university of Ingolstadt. I had hitherto attended the schools of Geneva, but my father thought it necessary for the completion of my education that I should be made acquainted with other customs than those of my native country. My departure was therefore fixed at an early date, but before the day resolved upon could arrive, the first misfortune of my life occurred—an omen, as it were, of my future misery. ”

He read and read as the storm rolled in slowly over the plains, unhurried.  His hand that held the glass of wine came to rest it upon your knee, and he stole swallows between paragraphs as you sipped yours slow.  Had time to refill both your cups three times before the cool, rushing winds preceding the storm reached you both.

They blew in sudden gusts, cool off the mountains, but you were both warm sat together, and feeling deliciously moreso with bellies full of wine.   You’d be feeling pleasantly heady if it weren’t for how the horror of the story was picking up.  Grave robbing, crimes against man and nature, a man gone mad with the power of his own mind.  You pulled the shawl tighter about yourself and huddled a little closer as a hard clap of thunder shook the porch under you both.  It did not help that the man in the story was readying himself to reanimate the dead in a thunderstorm of his own.  Your skin crawled with the notion, hazy slightly drunken thoughts creeping toward your long buried husband, climbing and clawing his way out of the grave, stitched together with a horrifying mess of other body parts.

Another blindingly brilliant streak of lightning kissed the plains and the deafening clap of thunder had you jump.  Viktor laughed softly at your side but you wound a hand tight around his upper arm and held close.  It was just a story, just a story and just a storm.  You willed the hard hammer of your heart to stop its erratic, frantic rhythm but it refused to obey.  Another clap of thunder and another reflexive little jump.  You shoved your face into Viktor’s shoulder with a soft cry and he stopped reading.

“Miss?  Are you… maybe we should stop for now.  Get the windows shut before the rain begins?”

You nodded and practically jumped up, leaving the empty dregs of the wine bottle behind to hurry inside as the rain began to patter down on the dry earth, the scent of petrichor strong and heavy in the cooling air.  

Viktor helped, once inside, closing the open windows to small slats to still allow the cool air in but keep the rain from ruining the sill or floor within.  You ran to the second floor while he managed the first, and found no comfort in the darkness up there broken by jagged flashes of lightning.

He found you once you were both done, huddled on the steps, shawl wrapped tight, trying not to shiver or look like the frightened rabbit you felt like, jumpy and tipsy and convinced there were monsters in every shadow.  Not since the dark fairy stories your father used to tell around the fireplace late winter evenings had you been so terrified by a simple tale.

Instead of tsk over your silliness Viktor sank down beside you and had an arm around you, both arms around you, drawing you in tight.  You caved to it, shoved face into the crook of his shoulder and caught a tight hold of his shirt.  The thunder outside shook the beams of the house.  You were convinced the next strike would take the roof, or hit the chimney and bury you both in stone and rubble.

“I don’t want to be alone.  Don’t leave me alone.”  You heard yourself pleading.  You hadn’t meant to say it out loud, just another of those little mantras, little silent prayers running chorus through your brain.  This one had found its way out while you weren’t paying enough attention.

“Okay.”  Viktor helped you to your feet, slowly.

So grateful he didn’t try to take you upstairs, but instead walked you through the kitchen to his rooms.  Left you standing alone just long enough to light a lamp and dim it, and then to pull back the covers on his narrow bed to let you climb in.  

You’d been in his sparsely furnished rooms before, to clean or collect laundry or change the bedsheets, but never stayed long or poked around.  It felt too much like an invasion of his privacy.  The writing desk was littered with papers, more tacked to the wall above and around it.  Sketches, drafts that looked like engineering or architectural work, endless lists and scribbles you didn’t understand.  A small collection of his own second hand books piled on the nightstand.

You climbed into the bed only to have him tuck the covers over you and you realized with a start that he meant to let you have his bed and sleep himself in one of the uncomfortable straight backed wooden chairs, or else slumped over the desk.  Watched as he toed off boots and reached to take a folded throw off the foot of the bed.  

It was a tatty thing, one of your mismatched yarn crochet jobs - never as skilled at it as your mother.  It was uneven, only generously to be called square in shape, and with gaped holes where you’d dropped stitches or packed others too tightly.  You thought you’d thrown it into the basket of scrap fabrics and yarns to be unraveled and redone when you had nothing better to do.  Never realized it had gone missing, that he had it.  

Something about it clenched your heart tight in your chest.

He reached for the lamp on the nightstand and you caught his hand by two long fingers, stilled it, stilled him as you gazed upward and he looked down at you, expression unreadable.  His thumb grazed your knuckles and you gave his hand a silent little tug.  

He hesitated a single, heartrending second before he relented, took a moment to undo his leg brace before he climbed in over you to settle behind you, between you and the wall.  Slid one outstretched arm to pillow under your head and wrapped the other around you, let you tuck it under your arm and pull his hand tight to your chest as he fitted close to you, over the sheets.

“I’m sorry if the story scared you.”  He murmured and you shook your head, mumbling back reassurances even though you knew he could feel how you still shivered slightly.  He only gathered you a little tighter, hummed a tuneless, quiet little song.

The rain pounded against windows and walls, the winds buffeting the house and thunder echoing outside in loud rolling booms that rollicked across the open sky overhead.  Sleep closed in slowly, had to slide its interminable fingers in under the door of your irrational panic to get the latch open and come creeping on silent feet.  But it did come.

Still, you woke in the middle of the night, most likely at another all too close clap of thunder, the storm still lingering outside, rain having eased from a downpour to a steady fall that beat gently against the windowpanes.  Viktor had at some point gotten cold and climbed under the covers, still spooned you closely even if his grip was not as tight.  His broad hand a gentle flat splay over the soft, vulnerable stretch of your stomach.  

You stroked fingertips over his knuckles lightly and heard him murmur.  Felt him press his hand tighter to your softness and start a slow caress lower that closed your throat in terrified excitement.  Fingers paused just above your sex.  All it would take would just be a little nudge, a guiding push to ease touch lower and he’d have a light grip of you.  It felt so terribly wrong to lay there and think of doing that to him in his sleep, to have his fingers pressed over you as you suffered the throbbing ache redoubling under his touch.

Instead he shifted and mumbled again in his sleep, hand skimming back up to settle a cupping cradle to one breast that did nothing to stop how your head spun and breath hitched.  His palm big enough to fit the entire curve within neatly, touch warm.  Against the nape of your neck the press of his face nestled in and you swore you felt the graze of his mouth on your skin.

And then his thumb moved.  Little, erratic metronome, just a tender back and forth, right over the stiff, eager little nub of your nipple.  A moaned, low whine escaped you like a prisoner making a jailbreak, eeking out as you shivered sweetly, struggled not to arch.

He squeezed the softness in his palm and stroked again, still speaking nonsense in his sleep, killing you by inches and completely unaware.  And then his thumb caught that sensitive little bud between it and the edge of his hand, tender pinch, as his hips shifted a slight roll, pressing him to your backside.

You were huffing breath, struggling to not moan again, not to writhe back into him or shove your own hand down between your thighs to press against that glorious, painful ache between them.  Not to tug the ribbon of the neck of your gown open and let his hand find its way in.  Not to wake him and beg, beg him to touch you, taste you, let you have him.

Hot little tears traced slow, silent tracks down your cheek, dampening the pillow under you as you lay there, suffering, drowning in want, dizzy with how good he felt holding you.  Why had you asked for this?  Wouldn’t it have been easier to have just gone up to your room and been a little scared for the night instead?

He mumbled again behind you and his nose tickled behind your ear.  

Your chest felt tight enough to collapse, like your heart was determined to crush itself to dust instead of suffer one more second of longing for him.

So much harder to sink back to sleep after that.

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He was not in bed in the morning, and you had a bad feeling he’d woken and discovered how he’d groped you in his sleep and leapt from the bed in mortification at his transgression.  Then you had an even worse feeling that he’d let you oversleep, too embarrassed to come back and wake you.  You rose, made the bed, folded that pilfered throw of yours at the foot of the bed and headed out to the kitchen.

Coffee in the pot, kept warm and waiting on the stove.  

A cup could wait while you went upstairs to dress for the day, comb out your hair and fix yourself so that you looked less sleep deprived, make the faintly bruised purple shadows under your eyes look less obvious.  Only then did you go back down, get yourself some coffee and head out to the porch to survey any damage done by the storm.

Viktor was on his way back up to the house from the barn, smiling up from under his hat when he saw you leaning on the porch post, mug steaming in your hand.  In one fist he held a riot of color, a thick bouquet of wildflowers in a mad array of violent, beautiful hues from chill cornflower to deep bloody poppy.

Swaying pace took him up the steps and he held the bouquet out in offering, practically shy about it, as you set down the mug on the railing and accepted them in silent shock.  They smelled heavenly, petals still wet from the rains.  

“T-thank you.” Gaze ticked from the flowers to him in utter confusion.  “But… why?”

He’d never so much as picked you a daisy before.

Viktor tugged at the brim of his hat, attention fixed on his boots until those luminous amber eyes glanced up at you from under the broad brim that had been obscuring them.  Shoulders lifted tensely as he reached forward, caught your free hand in his, the leather of his work glove rough against your skin as he gathered up your fingers.

“I believe it's called… courting?”

Mouth open, head empty, you stood there.  Felt your eyelids flickering, felt your heart a hard, steady pound in the hand he held.  Felt the world turn under your feet.  Unable to think, speak, to answer him.  Lost in the gold of those eyes under the shade of his broad brimmed hat, in all the softness in them as they looked down at you.

You drew breath to speak.  The hard pounding thunder of hooves and shouted cry of greeting stopped the words in your throat.  Hands held between you and Viktor jerked apart as you both turned to watch the two riders incoming.

Ranch hands of yours, ones that lived out in the far pastures with the roving herds of sheep, watching the flocks and ensuring they kept their grazing confined to your lands.  Their horses looked winded, breathing hard and nostrils wide as they wheeled up and dismounted.  The riders didn’t look much better.  It could take days to ride from the backlands in to the ranch and the men had precious little kit on them, had been sleeping rough and traveling hard.

You and Viktor both came down off the porch to meet them, you hesitating a moment before setting your bouquet of flowers aside on the seat of a rocking chair.

“What’s wrong?”  Viktor got the question out before you could.

“There’s a pack ‘a wolves come down the foothills.”  The less breathless man explained to you both, pulling his hat off to wipe at sweat beaded brow.  “Three big’uns.  The dogs can’t seem to scare ‘em off, especially now that the buggers kilt one of ‘em.”

“They’re gettin the herd in a panic.”  The other man filled in, handing off the reins of both horses to you.  “With only three of ‘em they can’t take too many but they’se sneaky as the devil and it seems they get another each night.  We can’t spare a hand to hunt ‘em down, it’s all we can manage keepin’ them chasin the herd up into the foothills.  Two nights ago they managed to cut half’a the herd and chased ‘em out toward the slopes.  Half’a us gotta go find the missin’ and then we gotta bring em all down closer to the inner fields for a time an get rid’a the wolves.”

Viktor’s gaze cut towards you the same instant you glanced to him.  There was a silent, tense second before you watched him nod, eyes still on you.

“I’ll get the gun, and my things.”

Your heart sank, even though you understood very well there was no other option.  His determination snapped you into action.  No time to wallow, to worry.  Not that it stopped the hot bile of it rising in the back of your throat.

You gathered the reins you held and turned back to your men, forcing the no-nonsense tone of authority you’d perfected when corralling your younger siblings, and only refined as the sole woman running a large ranch.  It didn’t matter how much your knees felt like water or your stomach like lead, if you could sound in charge, then you were.

“Boys, get yourselves some water at the pump.  Refill your canteens.  I’ll get you fresh horses.  Ask Viktor to show you the pantry and help you restock for the ride back out.  Go on, now.  And don’t let him forget the extra box of shells for that gun.”

The men split for the house and pump respectively as you turned to walk the huffing, winded horses to the barn.  You pulled saddles from them both, then bridles, and turned them out in the small paddock in the shade, giving each a small bucket of water to suck thirstily.  They could have all they wanted to drink from the wellspring trough in the big paddock once they were cooled down.  Too much water now might colic them or worse.

You grabbed the appaloosa and two fresh horses, bridled and saddled all three and led them up to the house as Viktor and the two ranch hands were headed back out with full packs and canteens.  Viktor had a bedroll tied to his pack and your husband’s big shotgun in its soft leather holster slung against his shoulder.  The gun was a monster with a kick like a mule but its double barrels could and, legend had it, did once take out a bull moose at full charge.

The men took the reins of their fresh mounts from you and slung up into saddles as you held the appaloosa, standing close to its neck, fingers tugging, toying nervously with its mane as Viktor tied the gun to the back of his saddle along with bedroll, shouldered his pack and slung canteen over saddlehorn.  One careful hop on his good leg and he was up into the saddle.

Your heart was in your throat, eyes stinging for some reason.

“Viktor…”

You put the reins in his hands, felt him grab hold of your fingers in a little squeeze.  You couldn’t stand to turn eyes upward, to look up at him.

“Be safe.”  His voice was low, quiet, strained.  You stepped back as he dug heels into the horse’s sides, felt the large animal shift hard back on its haunches and then thunder past.

Nothing to do but stand there as you watched the three men ride off.

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Days stretched into a week.

The time crawled, minutes passing as hours.

The flowers he gave you withered in the grey crockery pitcher you’d used as a vase, no matter how frequently you changed the water.  You’d chosen a select few of them, the prettiest ones, and pressed them in one of the thick books of the library, between sheets of brown paper, before they could wilt.

The silence in the big house was deafening.

You found yourself waking earlier and earlier, up far before the sun. Laying in bed, waiting until the pale grey licks of dawn to started to touch the sky, sitting alone on the porch with your coffee, watching the thick mists that enclosed the ranch, gauzy walls of obscuring nothingness that cut you off from the entire outside world, as it slowly burned off and evaporated with the rising sun.

Like a ghost lifting, taking flight with the morning sun, only to return night after night to stretch cold fingers toward the house again.

Be safe.

It's what you should have said to him.  You should have told him; be safe, be careful, don’t go, I love you.  You’d realized that last one with a jolt at the end of the fourth day alone.  You loved him, loved him terribly, and it filled you with fear.  You’d sat alone over dinner and sobbed into your napkin so hard it felt your ribs would break and eyes would leak out over your cheeks with how much the tears came and how bitterly hot.  What if he never came home?  Accidents happened every day.  It didn’t have to be a wolf that took him out, it could have been any number of things, small things.  His horse taking a misstep into a prairie dog hole and toppling over on top of him, crushing, thrashing.  Getting turned around in the endless stretch of grasslands and running out of water.  The gun misfiring.  Bandits or livestock thieves.  A simple wound turned septic.

The possibilities played out over and over and over in your head until you felt you’d go mad with them.

Be safe.

You threw yourself into both your chores, filling the time with his work and your own, and more.  So that you did not lay awake at night but rather had to drag yourself up the steps and collapse into bed, every muscle aching, every joint crying out for mercy.  Still, you felt him there, warm against the back of you, your heart beating in his hand, skin singing soft songs of his name on every fingertip, his breath a cool breeze on the nape of your neck.

The work didn’t stop your mind either, only focused those thoughts, gave them outlet.

Courting.  You hadn’t had a chance to get a word out.  To say yes, or anything at all.  To ask him why.  The initial thrill of it so spoiled by the almost immediate looming threat of danger and need for action that you still hadn’t truly had time to process it.  What if… what if he was only asking because he felt obligated?  Because you’d forced him to share his bed and now he felt beholden to maintain your honor by asking for your hand?  Or because you were so obviously lonesome and Viktor, so sensitive and kind, felt there was nothing else he could do that might help save you from yourself besides this.  So many reasons he might not have meant it, or why it might be disingenuous in spite of his good natured, serious, quiet kindness.  

But what if he did want you, the way you wanted him?

That felt like the most terrifying thing of all.

You tended the animals, slopped the hogs, fed the chickens, collected the eggs, cared for the horses, baked the bread, milked the cow, tended the vegetable garden, mended the fences, cleaned the house, did the laundry… the list went on and on ad nauseam.  Always something to do, more to clean, to fix, to keep hands busy.  And the days stretched.

One week started to reach toward two and you lapsed into a silent fugue.  Numb, empty.

When would the riders come back and tell you something terrible had happened?

How long did you have to wait to find out this quiet hell was permanent?

Instead of putting it through the laundry, you took one of his shirts upstairs with you one night.  Draped it over your pillow and pushed your face into it.

Took a book out on the porch with you and struggled to read it, to hear it in his voice.

Two weeks had just about passed when you began debating riding out toward the distant ranch house.  It was foolish in the extreme, you could not leave the animals here alone or the big house unguarded and empty.  The not knowing was killing you though.  But you’d never make it out there and back and not have something go horribly wrong back home.  No matter how many crazy ways your brain tried to come up with a way to make it feasible, make it safe, you couldn’t go.  

And the last thing he told you was to be safe.

The light was starting to stretch toward evening as you plodded up toward the house from the barn, shadow long behind you, pail of eggs in one hand.  Knees and back a dull ache from the day’s mucking out.  You’d made it up the steps of the porch and had your hand on the doorknob when you heard the unmistakable thud of hooves in the distance pounding closer.  Nearly dropping the pail, you whipped around, went running down the long stretch of the side porch out toward the front.

Yes.  Yes!  Yes, it was him!  Tall lean figure on the black and white dappled appaloosa, leaning over its whipping mane as they cantered up.  You practically flung yourself off the porch as he drew up, and hopped down, albeit stiffly.  

Caution, modesty, manners, doubts, all of it forgotten as you careened into him hard enough to knock the breath from him audibly and have the horse beside you both shy away with an unhappy whickering.  You did not care.  Face pushed to his chest tight enough to suffocate yourself, arms iron bands around him, squeezing.  Real, real and here and back and alive and safe and solid.

“Viktor-”  You began as he prized you off of himself stiffly, turning your face up.  Only to have him catch the shape of your jaw in both hands and bend to kiss you.  Kiss you hard enough to knock his hat to the ground, to mash the tip of his nose into the apple of your cheek and nearly split your lip against his own.

He did not stop.  Did not let you go as you both opened mouths against each other’s, as he tried each lip in slow, hard sucks, caved to the invitation of your tongue and slipped his own against it in eager taste.  As he suffered your gentle bite and tug and caught you up all the tighter until you were both breathless, panting, his forehead pressed to yours as you dared to open eyes to find that precious amber gaze an inch away.

The callus of his dust covered thumb stroked slow along your cheek, tracing the spangling constellation of freckles.

“I should have done that before I left.  I should have done that a long time ago, too.”

His words raised a tight lump in your throat.  Two simple, quiet sentences that washed away all the grit of horrible doubt that had nearly worn your heart to a smooth, cold stone.  The hot tears that shivered on lashes and streaked down cheeks betrayed you.  Had his brows knitted and hands cupping your face, wiping them away as he fussed and you tried to wave it off only to have him catch your mouth up again and you melted into it, into him.  Fists closed tight at his sides in the fabric of his shirt, humming a soft moan against his mouth.

Even covered with the dust and dirt of the fields he tasted better than you had ever imagined.

He shifted uncomfortably in a little hop on his bad leg and you broke away from the intoxication of that kiss to look him over worriedly.

“Are you hurt?!”

“No, no.  Just stiff, and tired.  It was a long ride back.  I brought you a gift, though.”

Something large wrapped in his bedroll tied to the back of his saddle, if his glance was any indication.  You bent to pick up his hat for him, beat the dust out of it but kept in in your hands, loving too much the wild mess of his chestnut hair, wanting very badly to run your fingers through it, to see what he did when you tugged, or if he’d sigh when your ran nails ofer his scalp.  

He was smiling down at you, that precious half tilt curve, and you went up on tip toe before you could stop yourself to kiss the little beauty mark at the zenith of it.  It made him blush, fiercely, and you couldn’t stop your smile.

“Take yourself and your things inside.  I’ll see to the horse.  A bath’s what you need after that ride.  Go get a drink of something cool and sit down.  I’ll be in.”

He collected his pack and roll and the gun off the back of the saddle, accepted his hat back, and limped up toward the house without argument, though his hand did trail long down your arm, caught your hand and let fingers slide away lingering under his own as you stepped away.  It was no fuss to unsaddle the appaloosa and turn him out with an extra handful of grain in its bucket and a kiss on its forehead, for whatever part it may have played in bringing him home safe again to you.

Back up at the house you pumped full the largest galvanized tub that sat up on wrought iron grating and shoved tinder under it, lit a fire to heat and fed it until it was glowing hot coals and licking flames.  Back inside the house you pulled the big copper tub out and pushed it before the fireplace.  Lit a small fire in the hearth, just enough to keep any chill off from the bath, though the heat of the day still lingered.

It took a few trips to get the tub partway filled with cool water, the rest would come after the tub outside had heated through and the water was nice and steaming.

You lit the two hurricane lamps in the room, offering a dim glow to the quickly fading dusk, and gathered soap and towels before heading to find Viktor in the kitchen, bad leg stretched long and brace off, a glass of cool water in one hand as he slumped back against the wall in his seat, looking exhausted.  He sat up the second you came in the room though, that lovely smile back in place.  

You fixed him a plate, just something quick and cold for the time being, but most likely more filling than anything he’d had out in the plains.  He caught your wrist as you set the plate before him, looking like he had a great deal to say but no idea where to start saying it.  You gave him a gracious out, stroking free hand back through the thick tangle of chestnut hair as you gently pulled your captured wrist up, freed it from his grasp and brushed a kiss to the heel of his palm.

He watched you in a kind of silent awe that made your heart stutter against your ribcage.

“Eat.  The bath will be ready soon.”

Bucket after bucket of now hot water hauled up the porch steps and into the great room until the tub by the fireplace was full and steam rising up off it thickly.  You turned to find Viktor standing in the doorway, watching you dump the last bucket in.  You straightened and huffed a little laugh as you wiped the sweat off your brow with the back of a forearm, the steam curling the loose tendrils of your hair in soft, slightly frizzy spirals.  

“I’ll… I’ll give you the room.”  You tried to back toward the door, give him privacy to soak sore muscles and wash off the dirt of the road.

“No, wait.”  He hobbled in, that bedroll under one arm, and set it in your arms.

You put the pail down to unwrap the roll curiously.  Three massive wolf pelts lay within.  Fur soft and gorgeous, white as driven snow in patches and ticked with ash grey in others.  You opened the bound roll of them in awe and Viktor helped you lay them out over the couch.  They were massive, almost terrifyingly so.  Gave an awe-inspiring glimpse into just how large the creatures were up close, and made you very grateful indeed you hadn’t had the opportunity to ever meet one in the wild.  

You ran your hand up through the thick lush of the fur, savoring the soft tickle of it through spread fingers.  Not nearly as soft as the back of Viktor’s finger as it stroked down your cheek, had you turning face toward him where he stood alongside you.

“G-go, uhm.  Go ahead and get your bath.”  You insisted, unable to focus on coherent thought with the way he was looking down at you, and backed away again to grab the pail and hustle out of the room.  Sucked deep breath of air outside on the porch, and another but still couldn’t stop your heart from hammering.  You wanted to feel foolish for all the time you spent worrying and fretting but were too elated to feel anything but the sweet rush of joy that hadn’t ended since he’d hopped off that horse.

You waited a sufficient amount of time and even peeked through one of the windows to make sure he had disrobed and settled into the tub.  Then snuck back inside and hovered in the doorway nervously.

He glanced up from scrubbing one long arm with the soap.

“Is the water hot enough?”

He laughed a little.

“Yes, I think I might be cooking, actually.  If you wish to make me into soup, I won’t complain.  I think you’ll want salt instead of soap though.”

Your cheeks burned with his gentle teasing and you turned to go back to the kitchen, to leave him in peace.

“No, please.  Come sit.  I spent all these days thinking of you…”  He trailed off, like he was unsure how to finish that sentence or if he’d said too much already.  

You came in, tucked the skirt of your dress under yourself and took a seat on the couch beside the wolf pelts.

“Thank you for these.”  You said, petting one again softly, “And for coming back.”

He sat back in the tub and smiled shyly to himself, continued scrubbing for a while before he shared the story of his time out there.  You sat rapt, listening to the wild ride back out to the far fields, the terrifying stalking and hunt, the hard and long search for the lost half of the flock.  And how they almost realized too late it was not three wolves but four.  How one of the lads had been quick and sharp enough to grab the gun as Viktor was struggling to free a lamb stuck between two rocks, unaware of the final wolf rushing up behind him.  Took it down a scarce pace away, jaws open.  He’d left that pelt, and rightly so, with the lad, as bragging rights for life.

Your knuckles had gone white on the wolf pelt under your hand, head a slow, dizzy spin to think how close it had been.  How close you’d come to the worst.

He rinsed himself and you shook off the reverie to reach for the towels, handing them over before excusing yourself back to the kitchen to let him dry off in privacy.

Fingertips trembled on the tabletop as you stood there staring at his empty plate.

So close to loss you could taste it, bitter on the back of your tongue.

You crossed yourself, a helpless ingrained custom at this point, and totted out a saucer of milk, left it on the windowsill over the sink, a gift for the fae or brownie or pooka that had kept him safe from mischief.

No sooner had you set it down then you felt the heat of gentle hands on your waist.  The warmth of a mouth on your ear, your cheek.  You spun and Viktor caught your mouth again in a kiss much softer and slower than the mad rush of the one he’d given you outside.  Hands found his skin bare, still damp from the bath, towel tucked around the narrow of his hips. Arms wound up over his shoulders as he steered you with that grip on your waist, until your backside hit the kitchen table.

You broke the soft, sweet suckle of his upper lip to clamber eagerly back upon the table, only to watch him stall as he took your face in both hands.  Watched him release a heavy breath, those dark brows drawn tight over the soft fire of eyes.

“I’ve wanted you since you first came here.”  He admitted it like a confession, and it had to have been a stone around his heart if he’d carried it for nearly five years now in silence, watching you be another man’s wife for three of them.  “Wanted to kiss you for so long.  Wanted you as my own.  But… are you sure, miláčku?”

His gaze cast aside as he frowned slightly.

“A poor cripple, from a country you don’t know?  I will always be an outsider here.  I don’t have a name, or prospects. I simply have my work… and I believe in myself.”  He glanced up, leveling you with that gaze once more, fingers tracing your jaw.  “Are you sure I’m what you want?”

You were nodding emphatically before he even finished the question, sucking the taste of him off your own lower lip as you pulled him close, stole another kiss before your hands fell, tugged open the ribbon at the scooped neckline of your dress and tugged the three buttons below it open before turning pleading eyes back to him, to find him breathless, face flooded with want.  

Those fine hands of his came down off your jaw, slid into the part of fabric and cradled the shape of the outside of each breast, his breath a soft fan over your skin as thumbs you could see trembling teased gently over the proud little push of both pale nipples.

“Do you have any idea how badly I wanted you, the day we went swimming?  You looked like a mermaid, and that - your clothes.  Wanted to lay you on the blanket and peel them off you, let me actually see this pretty pink with nothing in the way.”

His hands cupped, thumbs making a teasing, squeezing little pinch of sensitive, singing little buds.  Left you unable to help the way your head rocked back and legs hooked round him where he stood between the spread of thighs, unable to stop the soft noise of want that climbed up, deep out of the core of you and up your throat.  

He pushed you back onto the table, the fall of his hair a tickle against skin as his mouth traced warm tracks over one rising curve and then the other.  When he finally caught a slow, sweet suck of one sweet nub you bucked against him, hand slapping to the table top and all the years of polish upon it peeling up under the bite of the curling dig of your fingernails.  He licked, flicked tongue in a way that had you cursing in the old language you never used, arching under him as he paid the same lovely attentions to the greedy eagerness of the other nipple.

God, and it was sweet.  The electric rush of it heady, sensation pouring out like soft fire lit under skin, a pink flush creeping across your bare chest and up your throat as you sunk fingers into his soft mess of hair and listened to him groan with his mouth full of you.

And then both your hands were sliding between the pair of you in a frantic struggle, him to get your skirts up and you to tug his towel loose.  You each got what you wanted, but he won out, getting his bared hips clear of the grab of your hands as he got a hand under one of your thighs and lifted till the heel of your shoe hooked the edge of the table, forced a wider splay of legs as he braced an arm on the table and gazed down at your bare skin.

Fingers stroked you slow, gentle sweep over soft skin under navel,  over the soft V inward from hips, slow caress over lips before your gasp had him parting you, stroking tenderly through the slick wet of silk soft skin.  It had you lifting into each caress, practically ready to beg before he dipped down.  You were stuttering, startled, ready to ask him just what he thought he was doing when he spread you wide and you felt the warm, ticklish flick of his tongue hit some sweet part of you that you’d only felt when you pressed the agony of your hungry throbbing against your own fingers.

You arched hard against the table top and heard the empty plate go clattering, to smash upon the floor as you pushed up into the soft circling flick of his tongue.  Nothing, nothing in your life had ever felt so good.  You caught a fitful grip of his hair again, not wanting to tear at it but struggling to be gentle as he licked at you and that wanting ache within just doubled and doubled and doubled until your core clenched tight, hot little flutters that felt like heaven had exploded within you, every muscle strung taut as a bow and sweet stars in your veins as you gasped his name.

He rose over you, wiping the gloss of you off his chin as he gathered you to him with a grip on your hips, leaning over, watching you suffer sweetly for panted breath, eyes glassy and unfocused as you tried to offer him a sweet smile.

“Are you certain?”  He asked, voice hoarse, and you could feel the hard length of him slide through the wet parting of your sex as the backs of his fingers traced the shape of your jaw from chin back to ear, to slide a cradle to the back of your head against the hard surface of the table.

“Yes, Viktor, please.  Yes.”

In spite of your begging agreement he kept that little tease up, sliding himself along you, taking a grasp of your bent up leg in a one armed, tight hug.

“Do you want me so badly?”  He asked, sly teasing nearly ruined by how breathless he was, by the burn of hot flush over his pale cheeks as he gazed down at his cock sliding over your eager little sex.  You moaned softly for him, reaching to grip either edge of the table as you rocked hips invitingly.  How could he doubt it?

“Speak to me, miláčku.”   He murmured, gaze ticking up once to offer you the wicked tilt of that smile of his before eyes fell again to watch as he pressed to your entrance, pushed slow.  

“Hnn, Viktor, please.  I want you in-!”  Ah, it stung at first.  Ready as you were, as much as you wanted him, it had been so long, and what had passed between your husband and you had not been like this, not in the least.  The stretch hurt, but so good.  Had you humming, moaning soft encouragement, though he refused to do anything but take his time.  

“Ah…  yes…”  He wanted words but you were too gone to find any save the ones to beg him to keep going.

He kept the hold he had on your bent leg pressed to one side of his chest as he settled deep and began a slow, small rock with his hips, a deliciously tormenting see-saw that had you writhing as he stroked one broad hand down and back the open splay of your other thigh laid out on the table’s edge.  

You’d wanted, in your wild little daydreams, for him to watch you come undone for him.  But none of it compared to how wonderfully wicked you felt actually watching him gaze down at you, watching his mouth drop open slightly as he felt your walls clench eagerly around him, at how he thumbed over that amazing little bundle of nerves he’d licked so well at, making your hips jump again and stomach tighten.

“Please tell me this is mine, you are mine.  Tell me, miláčku. ”  He was hoarse, voice seductively thick and dripping his own want that had you smiling blissfully.

“Yes, yours.  Just yours, Viktor.”   However he wanted, whenever he liked.  

It earned you the first hard, deep thrust, sent eyes rolling back in your head and mouth open in a strangled, ecstatic little gasp as he did it again.  Doubtless that the pair of you both wanted to keep this dirty little tease going, draw it all out and pour every ounce of those years of waiting and wanting into it, but it proved too much for the both of you after a moment, and instead became a mad rush.  Wonderful, jarring hard thrusts of his hips that had you eager to meet him, had you gasping out mewling little sounds each time he filled you up.  

He was no better, the soft sounds that escaped the clench of his teeth delicious, something you wanted to commit to memory and find further ways to drag more out of him.

More, you wanted more, the both of you, and he dragged you to the end of the table till your bottom was near hanging off of it, let your leg unfold to wrap around him as he gathered up your hands, fingers laced pinching tight between his own desperate ones, pinning them up beside your head and just barely catching your mouth with his as his pace staggered, went erratic and stalled, your nails digging little biting furrows between his knuckles.

He spilled hot inside you as you claimed the prize of his kiss, sweet treasure yours to keep at last.  His.  Yours.

No more ghosts, no more silence.

[sambadgerowart]

So, after my last post, I got taken up with the idea of an Aero the Acro-Bat reboot. And I kinda just decided I wasn't going to be too faithful to source material, I would just do whatever I want.

The idea of the reboot is that Aero is not really a circus performer, persay. I was inspired by NiGHTS and Persona and decided that Aero would get his form from a dreamworld. As such, Aero himself would have a normal form. He would be able to henshin for a bit in the regular world, but majority of the time, his transformation would be sustained in this "dream world."

It could also be that Aero is actually performing. The Persona inspiration does also go beyond just entering another world. It might be that people watch Aero on TV or their devices. On a sort of "Midnight Channel," if you will.

This part would be inspired by Mario Galaxy and you'd see more of the NiGHTs influence. While Aero can run and Jump in the real world, this world (which would have a variety of aesthetics, but sort of revolve around amusement parks) would be a lot of floating platforms and gravitational fun. And, of course, the goal would be to make them a little maze-like. He would unlock levels in the hub world (real world).

Ektor's role as the antagonist has changed a bit. He now acts more as an atypical vampire, trying to be a bit of a puppet master so that he can manipulate his way into the real world.

Ariel would be indicative the hub world aspects that make the "game" Persona-like. While not nearly as in depth, Aero can interact with and talk to characters, and what the reveal will help open up levels. Also, yeah, I changed her from a bat to a kestral. I wanted her to contrast with Aero more. Like, a lot more. Like, "more than just a slightly edited sprite of Aero"-more.

As Aero travels around the dream world, he'll enter areas that expose him to arcane energy. This will help him transform into the Arcane-Bat. In this form, Aero's abilities are amped way up. He can fly all the time, his drill-jump is devastating, and he's even learned the primal art of a Sonic Screech.

Of course, at least early game, this can only be done for a limited time. It could be because he just can't channel arcane energy well and would eventually fall out of it. I think, tho, it's more likely he'd fully succumb to his primal nature and remain a beast of the arcane aether.

Maybe. Again, feature of a game that doesn't exist.

Eventually, I think Aero would be able to control his mind in this form and not have to worry too much. Stages with this form might also play a bit like Star Fox or another flight sim, but with some flexibility for when to transform?

Anyway, I appreciate ya'll reading through this! Put a lot of thought into this concept. I'd kinda even like to spend a bit more time with it, but I guess time will tell.

Hope you enjoyed!

[valhallanrose]

Monster Miriyam Headcanons

So, to preface, Miriyam is still technically human - her monster form comes about as a contract with her patron, the King of Swords, and manifests this way because she is halfway to becoming a member of his court. She’s essentially got one foot in the realms of the arcane, the other in her/the normal world - changing or transforming means pulling magic from the realm of the Suit of Swords and rather than expressing that through spells, does so through self modification. Hence the monster form, which was inspired off the Nyx Hydra design for the King of Swords in the Arcana tarot deck. She’s met with Arcana a few times now and while some very perceptive humans read her more as Arcana-adjacent than anything else, the Arcana very much believe that she’s human regardless of what form she takes. 

Size-wise, she’s about 7’2”, not including horns (horns make it a good 7’10”). Very muscular and definitely as strong, if not stronger than you think she is based on appearance alone. Prehensile tail. 

Miriyam doesn’t break this form out without a long conversation as to what she is (only held with potential long term partners, really, casual hookups don’t usually get to a personal enough point to warrant that)

Transforming is kind of gross, honestly? Like this is some very audible crunching/popping, like when you crack your knuckles but way louder, but it’s also a very fast paced change so you don’t hear it for every long

She’s got some habits from the monster side that have quickly become noticeable when she’s wandering about as a human. 

This includes enhanced sense of smell, hearing, and sight.

Smell and hearing are particularly intense, though, to where she can pick up on a mouse running on the palace marble or tell you exactly what spices someone mixed into a dish as soon as she stepped into the kitchens. 

Sight is trickier to quantify, but the average human with 20/20 vision can see the furthest edge at 3 miles away. Miriyam’s would be somewhere in the 4-5 mile range, while night vision is about 3-4 miles (assuming clear skies and no obstacles)

Very catlike? Loves to sun herself if she can find a private spot in the daytime, will purr if you scratch behind her ears, also easily tempted by shiny things (particularly gold shiny things, her eyes get bigger than her brain at the idea of Expanding the Instinctual Hoard)

Extremely embarrassed to admit she has a not insignificant collection of gold coins and trinkets she’s collected over the years based purely on instinct - she has no idea where half of it came from

Has gone and still goes on long flights, usually to get out when her nightmares get bad. While her secondary form isn’t necessarily a secret - she used it in the Coliseum during her brief time as a gladiator, and most of the guard is aware simply for the sake of ease - she still waits until nightfall for some sense of privacy. 

Her favorite place she’s ever gone was to the Scourgelands, where she flew through the southern lights, and she’s hoping to bring a partner there one day if they’d be alright taking the fast route. 

When it comes to fighting prowess, she’s absolutely a predator - armored scales, claws, fangs, speed, strength...fuck around and you will find out and yes I do mean that double entendre 

There’s some art refs under the cut from @anonbunnyart and @lajadelmira so you get an idea of what she looks like, and then we’re going to dive into the thirst. 

In case it isn’t clear: NSFW AHEAD, MINORS DNI, also obvious monsterfucking cw 

by anonbunnyart

by lajadelmira

Still cis, still a lesbian, so she’s still attracted exclusively to women and femme-presenting nonbinary people, the pool is only narrowed based on if her partner would ride the dragon. 

Yes I’ve made that joke many times, no I’m not going to stop making it. If I don’t, just assume I’m dead

Absolutely a top and a dominant top at that, convincing her to bottom when she’s in monster form is very, very difficult and usually only comes about in niche circumstances. More on that later. 

Addendum: She’s slightly more willing to bend if you want to use your hands/mouth, but straps are damn near impossible for her to get into when she has all of you right there to pay attention to. She’s not opposed to being touched, but she’d really just rather pay attention to her partner like this. 

Personal pleasure is very much just an afterthought, and honestly, she’s okay with that

Has several ‘weak spots’ on her body that will definitely turn her to putty, no matter how tough she acts. Done in sort of a sensitivity scale from least to most. 

Horns:

It’s not that they’re sensitive, but if you grab her by the horns and tell her exactly what you want to do her/her to do to you, she’ll find it very hard to tell you no.

Loves it and will take it as encouragement if she’s going down on her partner and they grab her by the horns when she does something they like. 

Tail:

Her tail is prehensile, and she will use that to her advantage, including fucking her partner with the tip of it (which is nice if her partner likes penetration, because finding a strap to fit her in draconic form is A Whole Nightmare)

However, she will go a little apeshit if you play with the tip otherwise - particularly if you suck on it - and honestly you’ll probably get pounced

Wings:

Quick note - Miriyam usually keeps her wings tucked fairly close to her back as a sort of protective measure, and she doesn’t usually like being on her back because she doesn’t like them being pinned, but can ease into it with a partner

Loves, loves, loves it if you touch her wings - the membranes are sensitive and just running your fingers across them makes her want to purr like a kitten

Fun fact, stimulating the right spot on her wings will actually make her orgasm. (That spot is on the wing membranes closest to her back, about halfway down, and no, that’s not something Miriyam will realize until she has a partner that wants to explore her physically like that)

Territorial. Absolutely a territorial bastard. She tries to tamp it down, she really does, but some days it’s harder than others. Particularly when she can pick up the scents of other people on her partner, that really kicks up the ‘mine’ instinct even if she logically knows nothing happened and trusts her partner fully

She really likes scent marking because of this - no, she won’t piss on you, that’s just the best term I can come up with - but she has a few approaches if she’s feeling like she needs to ‘stake her claim’

Lots of roaming hands and definitely letting her mouth wander, but if not directed to a specific spot she will absolutely go for a full bite on your pulse point to really just layer the scent in there

Tucks shed scales into the pockets of her partner’s clothing (jackets, shirts, pants, etc)

Or, a good old fashioned absolute obliteration - by which I mean she’ll fuck her partner until they’re an overstimulated puddle in her lap plus an orgasm for good measure - and then taking care of them afterward 

That being said, this definitely goes both ways, she will be raring to go if you just murmur a ‘mine’ in her ear - she’ll be eager to prove that yes, she is yours, and she’s not going anywhere

When it comes to actually doing the deed...

Favorite positions (in no particular order)

Partner pinned to the wall, any position, just. Pinned to the wall

One hand around both her partner’s wrists, legs spread out over her thighs, the other hand between their thighs or otherwise roaming

I feel like I should mention here that monster Miri has a habit of filing down at least the first two claws on each hand (middle and index) if she knows sex is on the table, she’s not out here to hurt her partner like that

Seated on the edge of the bed, ideally facing a mirror, with her partner in her lap. One hand/her tail tip between their thighs, and arm around their waist, chin on their shoulder watching them in the mirror

Yeah this is definitely a favorite of monster Miri’s 

A handful of things she enjoys (all with prior consent)

Primal (predator), some painplay (ft. claws, teeth, and a very strong grip), sensation play, overstimulation

Some turn-ons

Lingerie, but the shinier the better

Gold accents in particular will really make her go AWOOGA, she jokes it’s because of the gold dragon hoard but it’s actually not far off

Dirty talk/dirty...actions?

Just manhandle her she’ll think it’s hot

Any and all of the brat fighting words 

“What are you going to do about it?”, “Make me.”, etc

Honestly the more I think about it I’m not sure there’s an off switch so much as each side of the switch being fight or fuck. Like. Miriyam is always horny like this. She can chill but why would she in the privacy of her home/when she’s with her partner

This might be. TMI. But the scale plating over the fun parts is….retractable I guess? I don’t know what word I want but they’re not always out because that feels like a hazard. And unfortunately no nips like this because those are also a hazard, but her neck, ears, lower belly, and the previously mentioned areas are all very sensitive and prime for the touching. 

[my-spiritualweapon-is-a-lollipop]

Holding Hands

Synopsis: Essek tours the tower for the first time and he and Caleb have some honest talks. A little bit of angst and a little bit of fluff. Just how I like my wizards. 

It had been a long day in Eiselcross. The Mighty Nein were all weary on their feet, many of them hurt from their various encounters along the way and everyone could probably use the rapport boost of a warm bed and good food. Still Caleb was leary of using the tower when Lucien had proven he could easily dispel it.

“But Caleb” Jester pleaded while grabbing onto his arm with her charming little mittens. “If Lucien’s not nearby yet then we wasted a night of good, safe rest. Wouldn’t it be better to fight him with a good night of sleep before? And besides, the tower is harder to find than the dome.” and she blinked up at him with that particular Jester pout that Caleb found particularly difficult to resist.

“Ja… we could…” He left room for Fjord or Beau to interject with a discussion of the best tactical decision, but they were surprisingly quiet. He glanced at them and saw that Beau was leaning hard against the wall, favouring the leg that hadn’t been hurt in their last run in and trying to play it off. Fjord’s face was etched with exhaustion. That settled it for Caleb. It was worth the boost in moral that an evening in the tower would provide… even if it served to be only a temporary situation. “Ja. We could” He repeated more firmly and began his preparations for the tower.

It was a challenging spell and Caleb had plenty of experience tuning out his companions when doing this work, but Beau and Caduceus couldn’t help but notice the almost imperceptible pause and tensing of Caleb’s shoulders that accompanied Jester grabbing Essek and delightedly declaring:

“Oh, Essek you are going to love the tower! And not just because it’s all wizardy and stuff but Caleb made it so nice. There are lots of cats, and everyone has a special nice room - I bet he’ll make one special for you” she pumped her eyebrows “- and the cats make like WHATEVER food you want! It’s amazing!”

Essek responded in the slightly shaken way he did whenever he encountered the full force of Jester’s jovial attentions:

“I-I-’m certain that it is. I wouldn’t expect anything less from a talented wizard.” and Essek looked hard at Caleb’s back for a moment and then looked away with a perceptible sadness in his eyes but Jester pushed on as was her way:

“Pro-tip: call all of the cats to come snuggle you. You will never. Sleep. Better.”

“I’ll have to remember that.” Essek said nodding at her and trying to extricate himself from where she had her arms wrapped around his. He floated over to the wall to drift near Beau where he expected he would be left to sit in sullen silence, which was what he wanted. He wanted to observe everything about how Caleb cast this spell. This was the kind of magic he wasn’t particularly familiar with and it was endlessly fascinating. To his surprise he was interrupted by Beau leaning close to him and whispering savagely under her breath:

“If you talk shit about Caleb’s tower, I will fucking kill you. I know you’re a supposed to be amazing and all but it’s clear your opinion matters to him, so you better play nice got it?” Essek visibly deflated in response but whispered back with a surprising intensity.

“I understand that I have not given you much to trust Beauregard, but if there is one thing you can, please trust in my respect for all of your abilities. Even if you believe me to be arrogant, foolish or any other of the myriad of likely accurate and unflattering descriptions you may have in your mind, please know that you have each earned my respect time and time again and Caleb more so than anyone. If anything, I wish to prove my capabilities as an ally to you... not judge yours.” Before Beau could respond, Caduceus (who hears just about everything) put an arm around Essek and spoke.

“That’s nice.” and looked at Essek with a natural sense of hope that Essek couldn’t tolerate so he stared hard into the ground.

“Ready” Caleb said to the group. Those who knew him well picked up on the slight nerves in his voice. It would have been easy to attribute it to the long day of difficult travel, but they were all inclined to think that it was more likely to do with the wizard floating a few feet behind the rest of the group with a curious light filling his eyes. They began to file in and Jester paused at the back of the group to whisper to Caleb conspiratorially:

“Don’t worry. He’s going to like it.” and as she stepped inside, she threw her voice out to obviously and loudly proclaim:

“Oh, Caleb it is as beautiful as always! You are so talented! So amazing! So…” as she paused to look for the next description Veth cut in:

“Truly powerful. One might say a prodigy” She said making eye contact with Essek in a less than kind way before beginning to float upwards.

“Yes!” Jester began as she too started drifting upwards “an absolute prodigy! The best ever!” she feigned swooning and Beau cut her off.

“Yeah, yeah Caleb’s great. We get it. What’s for supper?”

“Uh ja” Caleb started, and he summoned a cat nearby “please prepare a good-sized roast and several -uh- vegetable dishes for our pink friend here and also some black moss cupcakes please.”

“Thank you” Caduceus said and began drifting upwards following the rest of the group. Essek looked like he was about to say something until Fjord shouted:

“UP!” right next to him and nearly caused him to leap out of his skin though he quickly recovered his unflappable mask. Everyone drifted up whilst chatting until it was just Caleb and Essek left on the platform.

“Ah I see.” Essek said as he began drifting up off the platform. “A clever design.”

“I thought that scaling many staircases seemed less than enjoyable after a day of adventuring.” Caleb put in, clearly trying to keep the pleasure at the compliment out of his voice.

“Actually, I was rather inspired by a time we found ourselves in the astral sea briefly.”

“Indeed” Essek said having some experience with the nature of that space. “I don’t believe I have heard that story yet.” He continued.

“Probably you will, some day” Caleb said and Essek could sense that this meant the tale of that particular adventure contained sensitive information, information that Caleb did not trust Essek with and he looked at his floating feet once more, unable to make eye contact with the closest friend he had had in years who was saying in no uncertain terms that he was still not to be trusted completely.

“Ah I see… someday then”.

Caleb didn’t want to leave the mood too low for too long. Afterall, he wanted to tell Essek every detail about those halls and their experiences there, but the happy fun ball seemed like it would probably be more of a temptation than was necessarily a good idea, especially if the two of them could work on it together. So, he began floating on ahead and offered Essek his hand.

“Would you like the tour then?” Essek briefly looked up at Caleb floating above him, stretching his hand down to carry him up to his level and couldn’t help but feel the weight of the visual representation of their situation. Caleb looking down, wreathed in light from above while Essek looked up at him and reached for his hand. It was almost like an art piece and he hated to give in to the symbolism.

Still, he grabbed Caleb’s hand and thought “up” to himself until they were level. Much to his surprise Caleb kept their hands intertwined as they floated up to the first floor and it was almost enough to distract Essek from the beautiful library they found themselves in next. Almost. He was a wizard after all. He couldn’t resist the sight of any good collection of books. Essek quickly moved over to the nearest shelf and began scanning title after title and slowly came to a realization.

“You create this space anew every time, correct? It’s not permanently established?”

“Ja, I create it new every time, though I try to keep it close to the same for the most part.”

“So, all of these… these only exist here meaning that these are simply books that you have memorized?” He said with audible admiration.

“Ja. I have a good mind for storing facts.” and he watched as Essek pulled a book from the shelves and began thumbing through pages and couldn’t help but feel to a certain degree as if he was being tested. Essek saw that these books were not just visual representations or the spines of Caleb’s favourite books but complete volumes, written exactly as they were. He found himself feeling that odd mix of jealousy, admiration and something else that he hadn’t quite pinned down that often-accompanied Caleb’s displays of mental prowess. He looked back at Caleb, and though he had had trouble meeting the fellow wizard’s eyes for days - he did not want to see Caleb’s disappointment - he felt compelled to make strong eye contact now to drive home his point.

“I am considered excellent at what I do. I have a keen mind. But this… this is astounding even to me.” Caleb felt the weight of his eyes on him and felt himself flushing somewhat.  

“Well… this is available to you if you wish to read, though I must let you know that many of them are in my original tongue and plenty of these are repeated. Though I have a great love of reading, I have found that I cannot fill an entire library with only my own knowledge just yet.” Essek waved his hand dismissively and Caleb saw just a small hint of the old, confident Essek peek thorough.

“I have arcane means at my disposal to translate. That is not a problem. I thank you.” He bowed his head slightly and stashed a book under his arm.

“But this is only the first floor? Though I would be happy to remain here in the library if that were your wish, I would gladly see more if you would show me?” Though he masked it well from his voice, Caleb could sense the hunger, the eagerness to see more that was familiar to him. Not for the first time, Caleb longed for simpler times in the other wizard’s tower when there was no betrayal hanging between them, simply peers enjoying the pursuit of knowledge and each other's company. Now even the memory of their victory that day felt tainted with the cost of how Essek had acquired much of his knowledge. Caleb pulled himself out of the spiral and offered:

“There is more to seen to be sure. Come. I’ll show you” and he proffered his hand once again. He knew Essek was perfectly capable of following but there was a small part of Caleb that couldn’t resist the small bit of pleasant contact between them that felt safe and distant enough, at least until he could make up his mind about what to do about Essek. Essek for his part noted the texture of Caleb’s hand, memorizing it and studying his internal reaction for future reference- when he had time to unpack all that was causing him to feel. He also noticed the scars just visible at the bottom of the arm of Caleb’s coat but chose not to interrupt this small precious moment of goodwill with a question that may bring up pain for Caleb.

And so, Caleb showed him the majority of the lower levels, going from place-to-place hand in hand, to a point where both hands were clammy and almost asleep but neither wizard was willing to give up their tenuous bond just yet. Essek thought the summoning space in the hall was “quite a brilliant solution” and Caleb informed Essek that he had had to install tiny locking doors on his cat travel system after Jester’s first polymorph escapade and thank goodness he had for Jester decided to provide Lucien with that little tidbit of advice upon first arriving. This caused Essek to actually laugh out loud which took Caleb by surprise.

“Yes, I am unsurprised by this. Jester is a talented person in her own right, but I would not describe her as pragmatic in any sense of the word.” Essek chuckled again. Caleb stopped and looked down at their joined hands a moment.

“Herr Theylyss, may I ask you something? It may be personal” Essek felt a pit of concern begin turning in his stomach but responded:

“Uh- why yes. I thought you were aware that I have made the decision to be fully -uh honest with you ever since… yes you may.” Caleb noted that Essek was fidgeting with his other hand.

“I had wondered why you seem more comfortable around Jester when it is clear that you still struggle to be at ease around … the rest of us at times? I understand that Jester is very talented at - uh-bringing out the best in people shall we say but… I had wondered…” Essek thought for a moment.

“I believe the answer is twofold. Firstly, Jester was the voice of your group to me for many months. It was through her that I was first annoyed with you all, then simply exasperated and then, I will admit, excited to hear from you. In my perspective she was the voice of my...my first friends. I believe to some degree I still expect her intrusions” He looked away at this “Secondly, I know I disappointed her as I disappointed each of you when I… when my decisions came to light but I can tell that Jester wants to forgive me and believes in the good she sees in me, just as Caduceus has hoped for me but I suppose, with the rest of you, in many ways I know that the damage is done and that the days of eating and drinking in that ridiculous hot tub are well over and I-” he paused to collect his thoughts “though I know I deserve it, it can be difficult to face that our bonds will never be what I was hoping they would be.” Essek hadn’t met Caleb’s eyes through this whole speech but a visible dark purple flush was creeping across his features.

“Ah I see.” Caleb began, “yes Jester’s capacity for seeing the positives in life is an admirable quality but” Caleb touched Essek’s chin feather light and turned his face towards him. “You do us a disservice if you think that each of us does not hold hope that you will redeem yourself or see the best in you. You would not be here if we didn’t but I have already told you… it takes time.” Both of them thought back to the moment of his discovery when Caleb managed to stop an oncoming panic attack in its tracks with a kiss on the forehead and his stalwart belief in Essek’s capacity to redeem himself. Looking into his eyes now, Essek saw something almost worse than his worst fear and the reason he been avoiding Caleb’s gaze. He had expected to see disappointment, sadness or even derision in Caleb’s eyes but instead he saw a warmth and a genuine affection that he felt undeserving of. It was never something he had seen before from anyone else; not in the eyes of his parents or siblings, the bright queen, or even his students that viewed him with adoration. Caleb had looked at him that way a few times before but Essek had not dared to hope that look remained after his deceptions were revealed. He felt a wetness swelling in his eyes, but he couldn't pull his gaze away, desperately catching every last second of affection that he could. Caleb was glad to see behind Essek’s carefully laid mask to know that he was being heard and heard truly. He ran his thumb over the soft purple skin along Essek’s jaw.

“Time.” He reiterated. Then he pulled his gaze away and broke them both out of the moment. He dropped Essek’s hand, afraid he’d clench too tightly if he didn’t, taken by a swarm of his own emotions of hurt, betrayal, and still warm caring and concern “I better leave you a little time before supper to clean up ja? Come. I will show you your room.” Essek didn’t say anything but simply nodded, hoping to clamber his mask of semi-indifference back into place.

They got to the landing with all of the doors to the individual bedrooms and both caught a glance into Yasha’s bedroom where Jester could be seen to be braiding Yasha’s hair in a particularly spectacular updo.

“Do you think Beau will like it?” Yasha wondered while looking in the mirror.

“Oh Yasha! She will love it!” Jester started a whole torrent of compliments before Caleb opened the door to the guest bedroom and both of them were distracted by the reveal.

Caleb had a tense knot in his stomach as Essek cautiously stepped, or floated rather, forward. He had hoped that this room could act as a small kind of gift, to show Essek that he still held space for him.

It was a chamber much like the rest of the bedrooms with its bathtub and fireplace, but Caleb had modified the architecture to be more reminiscent of Xhorhos, more specifically the design Caleb had seen in Essek’s tower. The furniture was inspired by that as well, though in different arrangements to accommodate the layout. Fine silver instruments laid upon the desk. Wall hangings precisely as they had appeared in Essek’s tower. There was space for mucking about and chalkboards for scribbling out theories. There was a small library space that was empty save for the books Caleb placed in every room and the large comfortable reading chair in the deep blue velvet that Caleb remembered, with the important distinction that this reading nook had two reading chairs as opposed to the one in Essek’s original study. Caleb watched as Essek floated from place to place taking in the details.

“Uh-ja” he interjected as Essek moved toward the desk. “I only included instruments I could recall from the limited view of your tower I had but if you require more, I have a study and lab that I share with Veth that you are welcome to share with us if you should have anything you wish to work on.” Essek moved over to touch one of the velvet chairs and Caleb cut in again:

“I have – that is- I know what it is like to be far from a patriot but to still miss home so I thought I could include a few familiar touches” Essek nodded silently, and Caleb worried he may have missed the mark.  Essek finally spoke near the bed:

“I haven’t used a bed in many years. I typically just trance at the desk in my study.”

“I was worried you’d say that” Caleb said rushing forward in a fervor that he only acquired when he’d had a particularly exciting idea “thus I have innovated something for wizards everywhere. This will save our necks and shoulders” He tugged on a cord by the bed and revealed on the roof of the four poster was a chalkboard with a floating bit of chalk. He laid down excitedly and pointed up and continued “it works much like transit throughout the space. Simply think what you wish, and the chalk will begin to draw” and the chalk began drawing the figures related to fortunes favor from Caleb’s notes. “This way you may think and rest your body at the same time.” Essek was craning to look up at the chalk board with a small look of amusement glowing in his eyes. It truly was a good idea but far better was the excitement in his friend that accompanied it.

“Truly inspired” he affirmed and began peering around the rest of the space when his eyes landed on the stained glass above the fireplace. Essek floated over to peer at it and Caleb sat up to watch him. The stained glass depicted the Xorhaus as the nein affectionately called the home Essek’s Den had gifted them during their time in Xorhos, with the tree growing up out of it with it’s glittering branches. And in the house could be seen 8 colourful figures sitting around a hot tub. All of the mighty nein were silhouetted in their signature colours and in the very centre were two male silhouettes looking at one another. One purple and one orange. They seemed to be laughing in their pose. Below this there was a scroll that read “Welcome to the Mighty Nein!”.

Essek’s feet hit the floor with a loud thud as he stared at this stained-glass piece. Caleb had never seen Essek lose concentration in his levitating outside of a fight before and instinctually stood up. Essek looked over and then down at his feet somewhat embarrassed.

“My apologies, uh, I just didn’t expect…” and he moved to begin the spell again.

“You have nothing to prove to me Essek.” Caleb cut him off and essek let the spell die, looking back up to the stained glass.

“I had hoped to provide you a sense of home here, but I apologize if I misjudged or over stepped. I had already designed that stained glass before our discussion earlier and I see now that it may be more harmful than helpful. Tomorrow night I can-

“It is perfect.” Essek said quietly as he stepped, actually stepped, towards Caleb, looking as if he was searching for the right thing to say before landing on:

“Thank you. I am humbled by your insight and your skill.” Caleb looked uncomfortable at such high praise and stood, uncertain what to do with himself for several moments before he began moving toward the door.

“Supper in the dining room in fifteen minutes” he said, fleeing all of the feelings that Essek’s presence had caused.

Essek spent the next fifteen minutes in quiet contemplation about the feeling of one hand in another until he heard Caleb shouting as he descended from his room:

“Supper is ready. Please come down everyone.”

Essek opened his door as the other’s spilled onto the landing as well. He heard a massive noise from upstairs roughly the direction Caleb had specified for the lab and everyone paused to look up until Veth leaned out the door with ash covering her face and said:

“I’ll be down in 5 minutes!”

“Is everything alright?” Fjord asked semi-suspiciously.

“Absolutely! Everything is fine. Perfectly and absolutely fine.” smoke was billowing out of the door and dissipating. “I just need five minutes for um...lady stuff. BE RIGHT DOWN!” she shouted as she slammed the door closed again. The rest of the mighty nein seemed to shrug somewhat to Essek’s dismay:

“Should we help her?” he enquired.

“She’s more likely to bite than accept help she hasn’t asked for” Fjord chuckled. “She does this from time to time. I’m sure it’s fine. Besides, I’m starving”. Fjord wrapped an arm around Jester and hopped off the landing and said “Down!” and they began descending. Essek could hear Jester going:

“Oh Oskar! You are so strong” and the beginnings of Fjord’s protest at the jibe.

Meanwhile Beau and Yasha were squaring off and Essek wasn’t certain if they were likely to kiss or fight or both.

“You look...really good Yasha.”

“You like it? I had never tried this style in my hair before.”

“Essek, tell Caleb we’re skipping dinner.” Beau said with some fervor

“What-” Essek began before his question was answered by Beau pulling Yasha into her room and slamming the door. “Ah… I see”. A sudden thud could be heard from the otherside of the door and Essek did not wish to question what had caused it. Suddenly a large hand was patting him on the shoulder.

“You get used to it” Caduceus said.

“What is that?”

“Being a part of something.” Caduceus finished with another pat on the shoulder, then he began to descend for supper as if he hadn’t said something that hit Essek at his very core.

They had a pleasant supper all together and planned some tactics for the next day before everyone adjourned to their various places of rest for the night. Essek went over to the library and collected an armful of books. Frumkin appeared through a little gap in the wall and Essek leaned down to him.

“Do you have a message from your master?” he said hopefully. Frumkin just butted up against him looking to be pet.

“Do you require something?” Frumkin flopped at Essek’s feet. In this moment alone, he smiled a small smile for the cat that contained none of his usual bravado. He crouched down to pet Frumkin exceedingly gently. After a few moments Frumkin was purring loudly.

“I’m glad we are still good friends at least” Essek sighed. “Do you wish to enjoy some reading with me?” Frumkin gave a slight meow that seemed like a yes and Essek picked him up and placed him on his shoulder giving him a little nuzzle on the way. They began to ascend to Essek’s room and Caleb watched them go. He felt somewhat disappointed in himself for this scheme, particularly after seeing Essek’s sweet nature with his cat, but he would not be fooled twice.

Once safely in his room Caleb watched Essek through frumkin’s eyes. He watched and waited and expected some sort of betrayal though he did not hope for one. He waited until everyone else had gone to bed and Essek was the only one remaining awake. He had expected Essek may message someone, scry or even perhaps begin taking notes of the tower. In that whole time Essek had done nothing but read and cast comprehend languages. Eventually Caleb realized he wasn’t going to do anything else. He wasn’t going to betray them. He then spent the better part of an hour wrestling with himself and doing a good amount of internal reflection before coming to a decision. He went down to knock quietly on Essek’s door.

“Yes?” Essek asked, coming to the door in the least precisely put together look Caleb had ever seen from the wizard. His hair was amuck in places, his robe was gone and the shirt beneath was half untucked and he had the slight dark purple imprint on his cheek where he had been leaning his hand. It made him look more approachable than his typical visage as the “Shadowhand”. Perhaps more endearing too.Caleb also noted he wasn’t floating and wondered if that was to do with his earlier comment.

“Have you happened to have seen my cat?” Caleb enquired. Essek was not fooled by the pretense, knowing that Caleb could summon Frumkin at will, but played along.

“Ah my apologies, I have been detaining him to keep me company while I read.” At this Frumkin ran out of the door and began weaving between Caleb’s legs.

“So, this is where you were?” Caleb enquired of him in mock surprise.

“Yes, well it seemed fitting to have him around while reading my first empire fairy tales about such a one.” Essek said brandishing the book.

“You read der katzenprinz?” Caleb asked, legitimately surprised. He had assumed that Essek would have immediately gravitated towards the arcane books.

“I started with another regarding transmutation but this one seemed a bit of an odd one out in the collection so I assumed it must be of some importance to you…” Essek paused getting slightly embarrassed and then noticing how long they had been standing in the doorway.

“Would you like to come in?”

“Actually, I had a thought, if you are too tired, we don’t have to but,” he looked almost pained and rubbed his hand across his mouth and he seemed to make a decision or resolve himself “but we had not quite finished our tour I think.”

“Oh” Essek was somewhat surprised but still eager. “Yes absolutely. Lead the way.” He placed the book on a nearby table while Frumkin ran to his exit in a hole in the wall. As they began to ascend. Essek spoke up softly:

“Is there a reason that Fjord always declares his direction?”

“Other than showmanship? Absolutely not.” Caleb replied.  At this Essek grinned while Caleb opened up the next level.

“I ask that you never come up here without me please Herr Theylyss. Please” he repeated while making pointed eye contact.

“Of course. Whatever it is your wish.” Essek responded genuinely but somewhat surprised as they came to a room full of doors. “What is this place?”

Caleb did not reply but instead said:

“I have only shown the others of the mighty nein this place.” and he opened the door labelled 1. Caleb closed the door behind them as Essek stepped into the humble space and began looking around.

“What is the significance of this house?” He asked before noting the far off look in Caleb’s face.

“Well, I wanted you to know why I found your choices so challenging to ignore. I wanted you to know why it is that I seem to understand so deeply the challenges you face in learning to forgive yourself for what you have done for it is still something I struggle with myself. Deeply.” Essek could sense the gravity of the space for Caleb and came closer.

“I wish you  for to know, as I know your greatest transgression, but you do not know mine and it seems there is an unfair imbalance between us  of late that I  hope to dispel.” Essek was surprised that Caleb thought there was anything comparable to his “transgression” as he put it but thought back to some of the sadness in Caleb and some of the truth in his eyes whenever he talked about the path ahead of Essek and knew there must be something  substantial coming.

“This was my home. I am sure it may be challenging for you to imagine ,coming from such a high-ranking family, but we were happy here.”

“Wealth does not inherently create happy families. In fact, I think it is likely the opposite” Essek put in softly. Caleb nodded and pointed to the small kitchen counter:

“My mother used to make bread here. She used to allow me to take small portions of the dough while she was kneading it and I would make little figures. I would -uh- use them as puppets and tell her stories of magnificent wizards who saved all of the empire from the evil creatures that threatened it. She would turn them into small buns when I was finished and told me that if I ate them, it was like making a wish, and that one day I might become that powerful wizard.” Caleb touched the surface of the table and closed his eyes for a long moment. Essek tentatively put a hand on his shoulder which remained until Caleb went over to the hearth.

“This is where I learned to love fire. My father would feed the flames and show me how to keep it well. He’d tell me that fire could hurt and burn but it could also sustain life. Once I became old enough to manage without harming myself, he let me create the fire every night to practice. Later I practiced control flames here, the first spell I ever learned from a spell book.” Caleb turned to Essek and held his gaze. Essek saw the shame and pain that was written in Caleb’s features.

“You have killed many good people in your thirst for knowledge and power. I … I am no different. I killed good, loving people who only wished that I could have been the powerful wizard who saved the empire… “Caleb swallowed and realization sunk in for Essek. “I killed my family and destroyed this home as a result of Trent Ikathon’s teaching methods. It was seen as a ‘required step in becoming the capable wizards we needed to be to protect our nation’. Still to this day he attests that it is what my family would have wanted though I don’t think our stories in the kitchen could have ever prepared them for their end.” Caleb paused attempting to collect himself. His hands were shaking a great deal, but he pushed forward “I have only just begun the journey to forgiving myself. I keep this room here, not to torture myself but to ensure that this happy home is never forgotten, never lost. Each room on this floor is a moment to be captured and preserved. I will show you another.” A few tears had fallen on Caleb’s face, but he did not seem to notice. Essek didn’t have feel he had an adequate response, but he did not want to leave this space without saying anything.

“You have performed your own dunemancy here. You fixed this in time. It is beautiful. Thank you for showing it to me.” Essek said, hoping he did not say the wrong thing. He had very limited experience with people he would consider loved ones and he had never lost one. Caleb didn’t say anything, but he nodded a thank you and pulled Essek across the hall to another room. It was Caleb’s bedroom in the xorhaus. Essek recognized it immediately by the charming cat figurines on the shelf.

“This was the space where you first entrusted me with dunamancy but I did not preserve it for this reason… I did so because it was the first time we worked together, and I realized you were very much someone I wished to know more. I saw a like mind in you...Essek, I understand exactly what the cost of knowledge and power can be and the folly of chasing them, you have seen this now, but I also understand that draw, that pull of power in a way almost no one else will. I know how easy it is to slip off the path and become a tool for destruction once more, and this is why I find it difficult to fully trust you as you have proven to me that we are too similar, and I do not trust myself even with that.” He had finally said it out loud. Essek had been hanging on the word trust ever since Caleb had said he was more trusted than Trent Ikathon, but here it was. More did not mean much at all. And how could Essek blame him when he was correct? They were very much alike, that was one of the things that had drawn Essek in and convinced Essek to teach Caleb dunamancy against his better judgement. Essek looked and stared at a cat figurine, willing his breath to slow, his eyes to focus. He did not understand what it was particularly that hurt him so much about Caleb having a perfectly, reasonably low opinion of him.

Caleb saw Essek beginning to have difficulty containing his emotions and he closed the space between them to once again place a small kiss on Essek’s forehead before placing his own against it. He put a hand around Essek’s neck gently pulling them together.  

“I have said it takes time and I believe that. My path out of the pit did not move straight forward and I had many setbacks, but I have begun the journey. I did so by taking small steps -and sometimes large ones - every day to leave the world slightly better than I found it.  I will never expunge my past crimes, but I can hope to maybe outweigh them in my overall impact on this world. I see you at the beginning of this journey and I know that one of the most important things in the path to redemption was having companions who walked alongside me on my way to finding it. Having the mighty nein who cared for me and loved me unconditionally, despite these terrible pieces of my past was so...essential… in my ability to begin to overcome them.” His whole body seemed to be sagging with the weight of the world and he pulled away to look in into his eyes “Essek, I know it is easy to see only our faults and everything we have done wrong, but I also know that I am still worthy of forgiveness by some, I am still worthy of friendship and chances to redeem myself and even still worthy of love. And I do not believe this myself many days but Veth and the rest of the nein refuse to allow me to forget it and on days when my belief is not enough, theirs is. And that makes me wish to strive to continue to be worthy of their belief in me. You see?”

Essek was nodding but Caleb could see he was drowning in all of his thoughts.

“Come. I have one more room to show you.” He said gently and walked out of this room. Essek blinked and felt the suddenly jarring distance between them and followed Caleb out of the room. His mind was a swarm.

Caleb placed his hands out for Essek who looked at him somewhat quizzically but took them, nonetheless. They floated up while facing one another to the final floor and Caleb revealed it to him. The floor inspired by dunamancy. Essek’s jaw dropped, and his head swivelled as he took in the room.

“It is no secret that I have a great interest in your craft, but I bring you up here not to remind you of all the power to be gained or lost but to show you of what you already have. You have unlocked so many secrets of the world, but you were never given the chance to study the most important lesson. One that also eluded me for many years. All of this “Caleb gestured out” feels so important, the stretching endless expanse of time and the motes of possibility that we can affect. But” he said firmly “It is not nearly as important as the moment we are living right now, and the people that we share that with.” Essek peeled his eyes off the expanse around them and turned his attention back to Caleb who was looking at him with an expression that he had only seen once before as they unlocked the key to the transmogrification spell. It was a mix of adrenaline, elation, apprehension and excitement. Caleb was building up to something and all Essek could do was be shocked that he was floating in this space of utter beauty and being looked at like that, as if he were the most important thing in the room, as if he was a great spell Caleb was trying to learn the inner workings of.

He began to understand the lesson Caleb was trying to impart as he could not pull his eyes away, despite being surrounded by a veritable playground for his mind, his focus was solely affixed to Caleb and what he would say next. He understood what Caleb meant to say with this room about what really mattered in a way that surprised even Essek himself. Caleb tightened his grasp on Essek’s hands and continued.

“If you will allow me to, herr Theylyss, I wish to do for you what has been done for me. I wish to be the person that reminds you that you can and will find your way back to the light. I wish to be the person who believes in you when you cannot believe in yourself, though I suspect I already have Jester’s help with that.” he quirked a small smile “ I wish to be the one who keeps you in the moment and moving forward. I wish to hold your hand” and he looked down at their joined hands “through your journey to finding yourself.” He squeezed their hands together tightly and then he looked back up with nerves clattering “Essek, you are important to me and I have felt a bond with you since the first time we studied together.  That has not gone or broken the way you seem to believe. You have hurt me, yes, but I am still here to hold your hand and hoping that you will prove that my forgiveness is not for nothing. Hoping that you will find a way to be prove that all of this love that I feel for you is not unjustified... for I do not wish for it go to waste.” He searched Essek’s expression and found it unreadable.

Years of practice freezing his face in moments of panic had caused Essek to almost completely shut down while he attempted to process a response. He pulled away from Caleb slightly and sought to pull his hands into a robe he realized he wasn’t wearing. He wished he could hide how his hands were inclined to fidget.

“I uh-” He began “This is much to process.” Essek stammered out. Caleb was already feeling disappointment seep in. He knew that he had thrown a lot of uncomfortable feelings at Essek in a short amount of time, but he had hoped that there would be at least a degree of enthusiasm for his final declaration. Still, he did not want to pressure Essek.

“Of course.” Caleb said failing to hide his disappointment. “I will leave you to your thoughts Herr Theylyss” he said nodding in a formal way.

Essek was still simply busy processing the word love. He was turning it over in his mind and examining it as it was a fully novel concept to him. He tested out how it felt as a description of that odd feeling of warmth in his chest and stomach when he saw Caleb get excited, or smile, or that small tug at an invisible rope in his chest that could be felt when he saw Caleb being good at, well, almost anything. He considered if that had been why Caleb’s opinion had mattered so much more than most. And here he was, standing before Essek and telling him that he could have that love returned. That he felt that way about him. That he was somehow deserving despite all of the things that he had done.

He thought then how he had felt nothing but sympathy and sorrow for Caleb as he heard of what he had done to his parents. He did not blame him for his foolishness in trusting and believing in the things Trent Ikathon had said. Could Essek really be given the same grace?

Around the time that Caleb was just beginning to descend out of the room, Essek’s mind finally caught up with what he had said.

“No!” Essek shouted. “No. No. I did not mean it this way. I just-“ Essek took a breath and felt the mask slipping away and for once he allowed himself to be laid bare in front of someone. Caleb rose back up to his level. “I don’t know if I have ever been loved in the way that you have described. It simply took me a moment to understand. You spoke of loving parents, but I have never been more than a means to end for my family. I was a product of incredible amounts of pressure but never loving care or attention. I was to be useful. Then I became the shadowhand and I had to be distant from the rest. It was my duty to be useful to the bright queen, but it only alienated me further from my peers. It made it easy to betray them when the chance was offered because I had never been close with any of them. I regret so much of what I have done, all the pain that I have caused” Essek grabbed at his own hair and Caleb was surprised to see him allowing himself to be this expressive “but it is made far worse now knowing what friendship and love can be like. To think that I caused people to go off and fight in a war that did not matter and worse that both sides felt losses comparable to what I would feel if you were to be harmed. It feels almost unbearable to know that I could have caused that much pain” Essek began sputtering, tears streaming down his face. “And still, you stand before me and say that I am worthy of redemption and that I am worthy of love?” Essek was ranting now but it was as if so many of the feelings he had always held down couldn’t help but burst forth now that they were given a small bit of freedom. Caleb wrapped his arms around him and held him close, with one hand stroking his hair. Essek rambled on “you had it right when you said I had missed an essential lesson along the way. How could I have been so blinded by my research and studies to never see that the people they would benefit were the point, not knowledge for knowledge’s own sake? And still, you hold me as if I am something precious rather than wretched. It is a kindness greater than I deserve for truthfully, I can tell that you know the weight of what you have done, but until today, until now, I still had never comprehended the depths of the pain my actions caused… to so many.”

At this Essek dissolved into sobs and Caleb held him through them. He kept stroking Essek’s hair and gave him small soft kisses on the top of his hair and waited for the sobbing to peter out. He did everything he wished someone could have done for him when he was going through this. Eventually it seemed Essek had cried himself out. He was still shaking and there were tear lines stained into his purple skin, but he pulled himself back a little to look at Caleb. Before Essek could apologize again Caleb said again:

“It takes time.” Essek nodded sadly and put his hand out for Caleb who clasped it and kissed it his knuckles lightly. “But.” Caleb continued “that does not mean you must spend it alone. I meant what I said. If you wish to be loved and reminded of all the things you are worth and what makes the moment worth living in, I am happy to offer that to you. And perhaps together we can work to make the world a little bit better than when we found it ja? So no other young people go unloved or get led astray?”

Essek was still feeling a whole spectrum of emotions but was able to centre himself enough to unabashedly meet Caleb’s eyes and spoke.

“Yes, I think I would very much like to do that, but with one stipulation.” Caleb smiled at the return of some of Essek’s former, confident demeanor “I know you have many in your life with more experience in affection than I, but I would like to offer my love, as … untested as it imay be, in trade. Together we can hypothesize,experiment and test its bounds until you believe it is up to your standards? Do these conditions seem fair to you?” Caleb was smiling in a way that made Essek pleased, and caused him to consider being reckless once more.

“Ja I think that is accepta-” and before Caleb could finish, Essek pulled him into a kiss. He wrapped his arms around Caleb’s waist and Caleb’s hands found their way into Essek’s hair. They kissed deeply and with the release of the many conflicting emotions both of them had felt over the past weeks.

Essek found the texture of Caleb’s lips and stubble to be a bit surprising but planned on savouring every bit of the feeling. He approached this kiss almost like learning a new spell from Caleb, and followed his lead through the unfamiliar, for though Essek had kissed before, never with much feeling behind it, and this was an entirely different experience. His heart was pounding in his ears, his chest felt full of fireworks and there was something that felt hooked inside of both of them, drawing them closer. It was a startling powerful sensation.

Caleb was surprised not only by the kiss but by the intensity it quickly developed. He felt Essek’s hands pushing into his back and keeping him close, and the soft strands of essek’s hair moving beneath his fingers and the warmth of Essek’s lips and was intoxicated, drinking in every last bit of the experience that he could.

Finally, they broke apart, both flushed and breathing heavily. Essek found himself smoothing down the front of Caleb’s shirt for something to do and pulling a few pieces of cat hair off of it as he asked:

“May I ask something of your path to redemption?” He continued to try to compose his features but couldn’t resist the smile that kept making itself known on his face. It was a broader smile than Caleb had ever seen on Essek and it made his chest squeeze. He thought it would be a new mission of his to procure that smile more often.

“Yes Essek?”

“If we do not have to be alone, are we also allowed happiness? For I must admit that I think this is the happiest I have been in… sometime, perhaps ever.” Caleb thought and looked serious.

“I think so yes. I have to believe that is so.”

“In that case, I think we should kiss more often.” And at that Caleb laughed a full and genuine laugh and kissed Essek on the cheek following by cupping his face in his hands, allowing his thumb draw over the spot that was just kissed.

“Ja. That can certainly be arranged.” and he pulled Essek’s face down for another kiss on the forehead. “But for tonight I think it best if we both get some rest.” He grabbed Essek’s hand once more and descended into the tower, closing doorways behind them until they stopped at Essek’s room.

“I think I may need some time to wind down after all of that” Essek admitted.

“I think I shall be similar.” Caleb agreed.

“In that case, do you wish to read a while with me? Only I had noticed someone had placed 2 chairs in my reading nook.” Essek said with a conspiratorial smile. Caleb seemed to debate with himself a moment before coming in.

“But if I do not recover my spells, I will have to blame you Theylyss.”

“These terms are acceptable to me” Essek replied with a smile that belied his serious tone. And they each took an armchair and began reading, with their hands held between them.

Eventually Essek awoke from a trance he hadn’t even noticed he’d fallen into. His book had fallen into his lap and his hand had drifted out of Caleb’s somewhere in the night. He only required a short trance to be rested but Caleb would need more sleep and was currently snoring lightly from his armchair. Essek cautiously placed both of their books aside and used his levitation spell to float Caleb gently over to the bed. He tucked Caleb in and gave him the gentlest kiss on the forehead and then used the chalkboard above the bed to scrawl I was worried about your neck and shoulders which he felt had just the right amount of cheeky touch.

Essek pondered getting into the bed as well but felt it may be too presumptuous, so instead he sat at the desk at his study and began writing out the events of the night, hoping to capture it’s every detail. Though he had a good memory, he hoped to preserve this turning point for himself the way Caleb preserved history in his rooms upstairs. So, he wrote while Caleb slept.

When the hustle and bustle of the others moving about the tower finally awoke Caleb, he had the moment of concern that arises when waking in a different spot than where you fell asleep, until he saw the message above the bed and smiled to himself.

“The world better watch out if one kiss is all it takes to get Essek Theylyss to start writing jokes” Caleb called out to the room.

Essek came over, looking somehow more perfect than ever this morning (Caleb being unaware that Essek had fussed by the mirror for 20 minutes for the perfectly tousled look…) and handed Caleb a coffee that he had summoned via the cat system. Caleb took it gratefully as he sat up in bed and Essek came to sit next to him on the edge of the bed.

“Imagine what will happen after 2,3 or even 100 kisses?” Caleb continued his jibe. Essek simply raised an eyebrow at him:

“I suppose we will have to test it to find out.”  

“I suppose we will” Caleb replied with a grin.