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shallowseeker · 12 days ago

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The despised episode, 9x03 I'm No Angel

I got a request to do this episode, but focus on “light-hearted/positive” aspects of it, so here I go.

Cas spends the majority of the episode, not feeling bad for himself, but feeling ashamed of his previous lack of empathy/sympathy:

He never noticed how fragile humans were before. Not like this.

He sees the hubris of the angel wars in a new light too, that they haven't got the humans' best interests at heart. They don't use their immense strength to help the downtrodden. Instead, the humans too often became pawns in their internal angel wars.

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The episode is very modern "Prince Siddharta light"

Cas has been associated with Buddhist symbols in the past (lyres, statues) and some counter-culture stereotypes of Buddhist symbols (the drugs-kind of Enlightenment and the orgies from "The End", Daphen's lyre and kitschy statues in "The Born-Again Identity." )

Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, left his palace life to experience and understand the realities of human suffering. Shielded from hardship during his early life as a prince, he ventured beyond the palace walls to witness poverty, sickness, aging, and death.

Cas sees poverty:

Learns to appreciate sharing and kindness in a new light:

Sees waste:

Nevertheless, he's trying to suck it up. He's a little proud, still. If humans do this all the time, surely he can learn how to do it, too.

We see in earlier seasons that he managed the bus well enough, and here he's managing truck-hopping and shelter-hopping.

His identity is still a bit “angel-ey," and his perspective throughout the episode is very colored by that. I don't think he's feeling sorry for himself nearly as much as he is feeling ashamed of his previous lack of empathy.

And with sex, it doesn't seem like he views it as being taken advantage of so much as he views it as a new human experience. This could be because he's still thinking of himself as "an angel," still overestimating himself as the one with the power advantage. The whole episode is about him trying to experience "human-ish" things so he can understand them better.

He doesn't seem to truly feel bad for himself or lose confidence until Dean kicks him (temporarily) out of the bunker.

(And even then, April later remains an experience like his kiss with Meg: a performance he's proud of that fills him with confidence.)

Cas IS a bit of a perfectionist with these things...

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And so April...

Given that she's a Reaper possessing a woman, most of these interactions are a bit of a sham, but there is a throwaway line that implies the Reaper is emulating the real April.

But overall, Cas's reactions and approach intimacy are still a little interesting in that and tell us a bit about how he'd approach intimacy with Dean others.

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Bonding over wasted food, comforts, and metaphors

First, he and April "bond" over having big hearts and having each been down on their luck. They lament the wasted food; there's a light exchange of philosophy.

She learns that he's likely "newly underclass," given that he said "he never knew" how much waste there was. That contextualizes would-be-April's approach to him. She plays it as thinking he's a down-on-his-luck businessman who made bad investments.

Upon entering her home, Cas admires his surroundings, and would-be-April is a little embarrassed.

And then, this smooth little Mofo throws out a "beautiful" comment about the apartment just as she's shedding her jacket.

He comes off probably a little smoother than he intends to be, haha. He's painfully, attractively earnest.

In their interactions, Cas’s very dry in his explanations, and would-be-April remarks that he's: Kinda cool, kinda weird.

This is Cas in a nutshell. He's so awkward and weird that it loops around into being almost unintentionally "cool."

So, creature comforts.

April puts him in a terry-cloth robe, a bit of Dean-ish association, really, especially with the relatively recent introduction of the MoL robes. (Later in the episode, we'll see this echoed when Cas gets food, a shower, and clothes at the bunker.)

Then, light teasing about Cas's lack of (human) culture:

After sex, she'll tease him again about metaphors.

In short, they're bonding over the exchange of human "culture" and human experiences, something we'll see echoed in the later seasons of SPN.

We'll see Dean and Cas "exchange" culture in the form of music and TV, and we'll see a lot of light bickering from season 13 onwards, with Dean and Cas practicing the art of human metaphor.

//////

Cas: a hungry, eager, passionate lover with a need for feedback on his performance

In terms of style, I think it tracks that Cas might come on a little strong, then pump the brakes and ask for feedback, especially since he's newly aware of how fragile humans really are.

Cas spends the majority of the episode steeped in shame, that he never noticed the suffering and fragility of the humans. And although he's tuned into his own hunger like never before, he's ruminating on his past angelic mindest and wanting to tend to his partners needs, too. To do it correctly. Effectively.

Anyway, his hormones on overdrive here. And oh, boy is he ever touch-starved: his eyes friggin' glaze.

And, as usual, he's the "doer" kind of learner, throwing himself into the new experience with no small amount of recklessness:

She's gentle, he's eager. Afterward, would-be-April seems to be getting a little nervous from his dazed stoicism and lack of communication.

And because he's a liiiiitttle bit of a perfectionist, when she prompts him, he almost immediately asks for feedback, eager and willing to adjust fire where needed, already strategizing a bit on his performance, perhaps.

Despite being careful and wanting a bit of feedback, he's overall a passionate-style of lover…

…that also might lapse into not saying much unless prompted.

///

Then, Cas opens up about trusting the wrong person. Ironic, given he's erroneously trusting would-be-April here. This shows that, despite having spent the episode experiencing very human vulnerability, he still views himself as a bit above it. He doesn't view "kind humans" as a potential threat.

And okay, so I know this is a controversial scene, but let me say something... He's a kinda-weird, kind-cool smooth Mofo, isn't he? I mean, God dammit, Cas! I'm reminded a bit of that moment where he confidently tells Meg he could touch her (lower regions) in ways that would overwhelm her. After all, even if he fails at first, he's pretty sure he can figure it out. Learn.

Anyway, here, after this and would-be-April's heart-to-heart, instead of answering, he smoothly reaches over and pulls her into a kiss:

And even as a human(ish) being, he doesn't appear to have much of a refractory period to boot. Damn. So what have we learned? He's passionate, a little dazed, and touch-starved, and he hands out compliments like "beautiful" but is otherwise a little short on words overall.

He initially seemed to have gone with his (hungry, hungry) instincts, but afterwards, he asked for a little feedback so he could adjust if needed.

For his part, Cas really liked the sex and the touching. For her, April was definitely taking advantage, eagerly letting round two happen.

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Later, Cas is proud of his performance, but April steals Cas's own blade to use it against him

That sly smile is a bit funny and gives us a window to how he'd approach sex with others. It’s cute that he’s feeling a little playful, a little proud, maybe a little smug. Sly as in playfully mischievous, I think.

Definitely proud of his performance. Ahem.

///

Alas. Cas comes to the kitchen, a place that SHOULD be a place of love and daily rhythms, and there's the reaper, her cruelty shining through:

It's interesting here that she's cutting FRUIT with the STOLEN angel blade. The fruit recalls a bit the fruit of Eden, the temptation and acquisition of new knowledge (aside// and if you ask Bedlund, Dean is himself the "fruit" for Cas).

Would-be-April using the stolen blade so casually—especially after such an intimate and emotionally vulnerable experience—symbolizes her having the upper hand. She’s taken something deeply personal (his "penis," his virginity, his blade) and now wields it on her terms.

Seeing Cas's angel blade, the extension of him as a divine and lethal instrument, being used for something as mundane as cutting fruit could symbolize April’s disregard for its (and by extension Cas’s) sacredness. This reflects how she views their encounter—not as sacred or profound but as casual and utilitarian.

So yeah. He was attractive and charming, maybe more than she expected. She liked that. Took it for a ride. But while he was charming enough to ride, it wasn't enough to sway her from her mission/job.

Despite his lack of experience, Cas immediately pings onto the absurdity of her decision. At first glance, one might think he's feeling discomfort with the transactional nature, but I think it might be deeper than that. (His later words don't seem to imply sexual shame so much.) I think this mostly... this loops back around to his angelic perspective.

The whole point of angels in the show is that they tend to use human trust and faith as a means of transaction. That's underlined in this episode consistently, from the radio show sermon dude all the way down to the reaper. The angels are using a radio announcer to spread "gospel," capitalizing on human weakness to entice them to serve themselves up to angels as sacrifices.

The religious people pledging themselves are not "simple fools." They're often the downtrodden, the hopeful, the lacking. But the angels use propaganda and selective truths to get their way. Their whole MO is based around "getting" people to say yes, because angels need permission. So they coerce it. Game it. And once they get it, they notoriously don't retract this manufactured consent.

Cas himself has actively deceived humans employing similar tactics, by using false trust and promises of safety, and once the human vessels were in a vulnerable position, then used that to his advantage (see: Jimmy Novak and functionally using Claire as a way to get Jimmy to say yes.).

It's new for Cas to be on the other side of it, of vulnerability and manufactured consent, and this was intentionally woven into every aspect of the episode, especially since angels taking vessels has such similar overtones.

But as for the lasting effects of this encouter, I think it's at least possible that Cas viewed this experience moreso through a lens to ruminate on his past actions as an angel.

It appears, at least on the surface level, that the experience of sex itself didn't concern him much. He seemed to make the most of that part; happy to gain experience. It's not a stretch to think maybe he was interested in using this new experience with other friends, like Dean maybe.

With regards to sex and intimacy, I think this feeds ultimately into how as a "human," he allows himself to indulge, and as and angel, he only allows himself duty. This is his whole angelic ascetism shtick that the Empty deal worked so heavy-handedly to highlight, that as an angel, Cas actively prevents himself from indulging in even in the slightest forms of happiness.

///

The blade transfers hands; Dean to the rescue

So anyway. The angel blade.

Reaper-April tortures Cas with his own blade, transforming fun with his "blade" into violence with his blade.

When Dean bursts in, Cas seems like he might actually be getting somewhere with his negotiations but April, startled, panics and plunges the blade into Cas, killing him.

Dying, Cas speaks with his eyes, urging Dean to take Cas's blade and protect himself with it:

///

And Dean's grief is just as stark in the script as what we see onscreen. All episode, we've seen a crazed Dean, resorting to torture and trusting Ezek-Gadreel to find Cas. And now this:

"The loss is ... staggering" and "Dean is overcome with grief" and "Dean's still in shock."

Here is the contrast of someone who stole Cas's blade (April) and someone who was entrusted with it (Dean).

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The script does get points for Dean and Sam immediately hugging Cas. (Aw.) We deserved more of that.

///

So the end of the episode sees Cas welcomed into another home, in a positive parallel to April's apartment

And he kinda starts doing the same MO he used with April, lol. He starts by throwing out a compliment about the dwelling (LOL).

Looks like he learned something, all right.

And Cas casually, slyly lets slip two things: One, he has sex now. And he's smiling about it because it was good. Two, he's open to having sex with friends.

Is Cas being dumb... or is he (slyly) floating the idea of fWb? (CAS MENTALLY: Friends have sex with each other. Dean is my friend.)

And then Cas says he's looking forward to, you know, guidance.

///

And Dean? Dean's so excited. His worry about Cas's vulnerability with the reaper is completely overridden by the knowledge that Cas is interested in that sort of thing. With friends, no less.

The script has Dean at a bit of a loss of words, trailing off as his downstairs brain takes over.

The idea of Cas having sex “is... so... hot and nasty.” This shows surprise, arousal, and maaaybe the "nasty" is an undercurrent of discomfort? (Could also be Dean being his sarcastic, inappropriate little tryhard self.)

But the way he trails off... and his brain screams HOT. Now that IS something.

Cas, for all his complexities—his innocence, his otherworldly nature, and his struggle to fit into the human world—has always had a certain rugged, quiet appeal to Dean.

It's also a bit fun how Dean reacts to what he at first thinks is Sam's look of disapproval. "Don't kill my buzz, Sammy." The "buzz" here is Dean’s inner energy of attraction—he’s momentarily lost in his thoughts about how hot Cas is, and the word choice reflects a certain excitement.

And his words to Sam, far from being denial or embarrassment, read a lot closer to: "Don’t ruin this for me."

Too bad the disapproval is Gadreel's, because Gadreel is definitely out to ruin this for Dean

Ah, Gadreel.

Dean started out the negotiation with a strong FUCK THAT. It's not until Gadreel puts Sam's life on the line and twists Dean's arm that he relents. This is a typical angelic negotiation that Gadreel is employing, in line with the angelic tactics we see all episode long.

Getting someone in a vulnerable position. In this case, despite saving Cad, Gadreel values his own safety the most. So the ultimatum is this: I let your brother die or you kick out your love.

It’s so sad. The last time Dean saw Cas, Cas was about to be locked up in Heaven forever, undertaking the angel trials even after Dean had all but confessed his affection to him. "E.T. goes home."

Now, a bunch of horrible things have happened in rapid succession. Dean has nearly lost Sam, and then Dean ran around the country, sinking into torture (a known trigger of his) just to find Cas, and THEN he was slammed with the shock-grief of losing Cas anyway.

NOW, against all the odds, Dean finds an impossible, grounded happiness with Cas dumped in his lap... only to be ripped away.

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And we return to a hungry, hungry Cas who is still in the process of trying out everything and learning what he likes best:

Excruciating? "Lose it?"

Like cry?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure they were both about to cry. Dean's fantasy of teaching Cas about humanity, of maybe wrapping him in MoL robe or blanket and feeding him comfort foods just... evaporated.

He'll have to wait a long time before he can wrap Cas in a MoL blanket or watch movies with him or make him bunker coffee, it seems...

///

The last line with the Reverand reads like such a taunt, then: