#appreciate anyone who has made 2024 something special for me

[matryoshkalex]

happy new year guys!!

its been super great being active on here again this year and it seems like yall are stuck with me for the foreseeable future >:)

hope everyone stays safe out there, love yall <3

[dp-marvel94]

Graveyard of Identities- Chapter 1

Summary:

Danny should feel lucky to be alive. After a month held captive by Vlad, barely remembering his life before, and nearly dying in his escape, he is finally safe, with friends in the Far Frozen. And yet, dread gnaws at him- a massive revelation at the edge of his consciousness, forgotten until the dead of night. It was a lie. All a lie. His past, his memories: all false. Amity Park, his friends and family: all real but… not his. The secret locks in his throat, unthinkable. He stays silent while the yetis welcome him as one of their own. But they do not know. And he can not tell them. He is not the Danny they think he is. He is not Danny at all.

Word Count: 3346

Next Chapter->

Also on A03

Note:

Hello lovely readers! Welcome to my story for Invisobang 2024! It has been a long time coming and I am so excited to finally share it with you all!

As you can see, this story is the second in a series. For those who read "Hope Can Be Heavy Thing to Hold," this is its much anticipated (by me at least) sequel! Part of me doubted this day would ever come. It's been almost 5 years since I wrote Hope and while I always planned that there would be more to the story, life (and other phic ideas XD) kept side-tracking me. My writing has changed and improved at lot since the end of 2019. And I really hope those lessons produced a better story than otherwise.

For those joining from Invisobang, welcome! Please do not feel intimidated by the fact that this is a sequel. My hope is that this will be a enjoyable story, even without that background. (Though if anyone gets curious and checks out the previous work, I will not complain of course XD)

Since this work was written as part of Invisobang, I was lucky enough to work with two wonderful artists. @suzukiblu made this lovely artwork and posted it here . @mysterious-ink-slime made her own piece, link to be added once it's posted. A huge thanks to both of them! Go give their art all the love!

Also, a special note on the title! For years, I had my heart set on naming this sequel after this particular GFM song and now I have! Graveyard of Identities by Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh; you can watch the music video here . This song is about the transforming power of pain, letting the old die, and rising as someone new. To me, it compliments the theme of this story perfectly. Special thanks to CJ and Maggie for inspiring me with their art and listening to me talk about my own.

And the specialist thanks to my sister, @nervousdragonrebelpie , for listening to me ramble about this story for months. This story is much better thanks to her listening ear and thoughtful suggestions.

Finally, thank to all you readers. I love and appreciate all your support and encouragement. And I eagerly await all your thoughts and feelings and screaming at me in the comments. XD Happy reading!

Was this… death? 

Floating sightless, soundless. Almost without thought. Too far away and hazy for fear. Just the numb warmth of darkness. 

Drifting without form, the fragile center lay exposed. Something gently brushed. Cradling mist; Soft pin-pricks of cloud. Smell-sight-taste of green, old pennies and lime. The feelings arose, more shapes of ideas than anything real.

The world shifted, brightening into bleary focus. Something inside stirred, the sensation like blinking without eyes. Awareness flickered sharper and then dim. Sharper, then dim. 

A vibration caught on his consciousness. Many and small and gently plopping like… rain. Rain, streaming down, around, through. Understanding slowly dawned and then… awe.

Green, crisp and bright as a spring day, overcame him. It flowed in, warm and safe and all encompassing. It filled his mind, every part of himself. 

And… Mind. He had a mind, a self. He existed. He was a person. He was still here. Maybe he wasn’t-

Darkness rushed back, like a wave crashing on the shore. A gentle death-like sleep took him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suddenly he was falling. Air rushed passed and bonelessly, he impacted. 

The shock of cold stole his breath more than the crash. Something light and airy cushioned his fall, his face half buried in the chill.

Heavily, his eyes dragged open. White filled his dim vision. In the distance…. The sound tickled his ear, an electric roar. Struggling, his gaze drifted up. Blurry silver and blue shapes quickly approached. 

His mind crawled, thought unreachable. Unable to process, unable to move, mind and body weighed down by crushing exhaustion. 

But confusion chipped at the edge, clawing for purchase. Fear, familiar and ever present, lingered under the surface, though neither rose to awareness, the fatigue too great.

Darkness pulled him down again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beeping near his head crashed through the darkness. He was lying down, soft plushness underneath him. Familiar… too familiar…. 

A slimy voice echoed in his head. ‘Son, you're awake.’ 

The boy’s heart rate spiked, a jolt of panic. Burning red eyes flashed in his mind, a clawed hand squeezing his wrist. 

He gasped, whole body flinching. Blurry eyes flickered open to all consuming white. Dread surged. No. This couldn’t-

The beeping grew louder, followed by the cacophony of pounding feet.

The boy flailed weakly, heavy body struggling to move. In his elbow… something hard and cold. His arm jerked violently, other hand scrambling. A stab of pain, a release of pressure. Cold wetness welled up, a flash of green on pale skin. 

‘Now Daniel. Stop being difficult.’

No, not Daniel. Never Daniel. Danny. His name was Danny.

“Great One, calm down. You are safe.” A calm voice cut through A furry, horned face… wearing a surgical mask?

Panic swelled. Who? Where? What? This wasn’t-

A different, higher voice. “You are safe, Great One.” 

Great One? No, that wasn’t… His mind scrambled for purchase, words and thoughts slipping. 

“His ecto-pressure is dangerously elevated.” “He’s going into shock.” “Sedate him.” 

He didn’t... Where was he? Where was Vla-

The pinch of a needle, jabbed into his neck. No! He would be good. He didn’t need to be punished again-

Consciousness ripped away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An unknowable time later, Danny drifted up through the darkness. Soft and gentle. His heart beat slowly, a calm, even timbre. And he was, at last, aware.

Soft fabric under him, wrapped around his body. The quiet, ambient sounds of lights buzzed in his ears.  Far away water dripped. His own soft breathing. Soft white light ghosted over his eye lids. 

Said eyes blinked slowly, half-lidded. They felt so heavy. An experimental wiggle of his fingers… the boy groaned, sudden sensation hitting him. Everything ached, from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. Every inch of his skin felt raw and fresh, like it had been removed in pieces and now was newly reassembled. Like a weird gross puzzle.

Danny laughed at the idea and a second later, his lungs spasmed painfully. He let out another, louder groan.

“Great one?” A loud, worried voice cut through the air. 

His heart skipped a beat, the surge of fear returning. He’d woken up earlier, hadn’t he? Laying on his back, beeping by his head, all consuming white. And now… He finally registered the towering figure at his bedside. 

“Who…?” His voice shook, weak and unused. “Where…?”

The figure leaned closer, the face becoming visible. A furry muzzle, sharp teeth, icy horns. 

Danny tensed, a flash of panic. But… the wide, concerned blue eyes. A memory bloomed in his head.

Tightly hugging a white, furry yeti in an icy place.

Instantly, the boy relaxed. “Frostbite?” The names came out with hardly a thought, the knowledge just there in his head.

The yeti’s expression softened, visibly relieved. “Yes, it is me.” A gentle paw gripped his shoulder. “Relax. You are safe.”

Safe…. The word ran in his mind. It felt like an impossible improbability. But… Frostbite was a friend, right? The yeti’s kind eyes and jovial laugh rose in his mind, the image strangely distant. 

Danny let out a breath, a surge of relief coursing through him. But the action made him grimace, nose wrinkling.

“Are you in pain?” Frostbite asked eagerly. “Here, allow me.” He fiddled with one of the tubes attached to Danny at his elbow, just passed the sleeve of what was maybe a hospital gown. A plunger depressed. “That should dull the ache.”

The boy gasped as something cold entered his vein. He blinked rapidly, surprised as the pain dulled to a small pin prick in the back of his mind.

“Wow…. That’s… that’s so much better.” He smacked his dry lips.

“Water?” The yeti offered. A glass with a straw appeared and with a flip of a switch, the bed shifted under him, allowing him to recline.

The cup lifted to his lips, Danny drank shakingly. The cool water soothed his sand-papery throat, a blessed respite after… after….

He couldn’t remember. That sent a stab of worry. But he was here with Frostbite, one of his friends. Allies? The shape of that felt right. He’d gotten here, somehow. Wherever here was.

Finally the boy swallowed. “Where am I?”

“In our medical facility.” Frostbite answered. “You have been in and out of consciousness for quite a while. This is your first time being coherent on awakening.”

Quite a while…. It was coming back to him now. He only remembered waking up that last time, panicked at the sound of the beeping by his head. His eyes flitted to the device… a heart monitor. 

That was… strangely familiar. His stomach twisted with dread, echoes of previous panic. The heart monitor reminded him of before. He had been… somewhere, somewhere bad. His mouth felt dry, the memory just out of reach… 

Danny swallowed. “How did I get here?”

“You triggered a perimeter beacon.” The yeti said, voice taking on a grave tone. “A patrol found you in the snow, unconscious and dangerously unstable. The guards rushed you here and we attended you. It was… We were worried for a long while, that your injury was too great.” His voice wavered with emotion, an air of heavy grief. “That you would… leave us. But…” A watery smile bloomed. “The most dangerous part has passed. You are recovering wonderfully. And you are finally awake.”

“Yeah….” That was… a lot. Danny’s brow furrowed. His mind swam, relief, sadness, and… a mounting unease clashing. 

Frostbite seemed to pick up on the feeling. “What is it, Great One?”

“I don’t…” He bit his lip. “That’s… a lot. Thank you for finding me and saving me. I’m grateful, really grateful. I…I know I’m safe. But…” His insides twisted, a queasy feeling. “I…I apparently almost died and I don’t… don’t remember what happened.”

The yeti’s eyes rounded, the concern turning worried. “What is the last thing you remember?”

Before… the heart monitor beeping near his head, a room with white sheet and fancy wooden furniture. A man with white hair, a smug smile, and red eyes.

“Vlad.” The knowledge hit him like a truck. “I was at Vlad’s mansion!” Danny jolted, trying to sit up more fully with a wince.

“The other half ghost?” Frostbite put a paw on his arm, gently lowering him back to the bed. “You are enemies, are you not?”

“He… he kidnapped me.” More images flashed. The plain, impersonal bedroom. The metal panels of the training room. The trap door in the greenhouse. “Vlad kidnapped me. He was…keeping me captive.” His face wrinkled in a grimace. “He made me call him Dad and train with him and watch football…” 

“Plasmius keeping you captive.” Frostbite looked just as stricken. “That is worrying….”

Danny’s stomach turned, sickened. “He… he hurt me.” Vlad’s hand across his face, electricity searing his limbs, locked in a small dark space. “He did something to my mind.” The jar of Lethean water, the tree with red and blue berries. “I didn’t remember anything. He was trying to brainwash me into being his… his perfect son but…”

He was missing something, something big. The gap loomed, dark and constricting. His voice quickened, from something uneasy and wary to panic. “I can’t… I can’t remember.”

“It is alright.” The yeti tried to soothe. 

The calm voice failed to ease the distress. “I can’t remember.” But… the dark, earthen passage. The lab, bathed in green portal light. Jars and beakers, tables and weapons. The foreboding door. “I was… I was in the lab. I was trying to escape but…” Broken glass and metal, spilled ectoplasm. Vlad’s mocking voice. “He… he interrupted me.”

Danny’s blood chilled, dread dropping in his stomach like a stone. He saw it as clearly as Frostbite across from him.

Vlad’s face set in a sneer, as hellish as the vampire he played at. The taser in Danny’s hand. He jabbed with it but… too late. The man caught his wrist, fingers squeezing. ‘You oppose me at every turn.’

“Vlad… he broke my wrist.” Numbly, the boy stared down at his right hand. The wrist was unwrapped, no sign of the fracture. He felt sick. 

“I tried to fight him.” Electricity pouring from his hands, Vlad twitching on the floor. “But I wasn’t… wasn’t strong enough.”

Harsh, hateful words echoed in his mind, too far away to remember. Tears had been on his face, back there in the lab and…. Now, here in the medical wing. 

Frostbite said something, paws moving toward his face but all Danny could see…

On the floor, Vlad looming over him, his eyes insane, full of dark possessiveness. Agony gnawed at Danny’s heart, the feeling of his world crashing down around him.

“He held me down, electrocuted me.” Danny trembled, the tears falling. “I couldn’t move, couldn’t fight back. It… it hurt, my core hurt so much.”

A look of understanding, of revelation flashed on Frostbite’s face. But the boy barely registered. Just the comforting furry arms moving to embrace him.

Hands and feet, cold and tingly… then wet. Ectoplasm welling, sickly neon green. “I…I started melting.” Danny froze in Frostbite’s hold, eyes wide and devastated. “Vlad shocked me and I started mel.. melting.” 

His hands and feet dissolving away, staring at the ceiling through his tears. “Vlad… he tried to… to kill me. He tried to kill me.”

That was it. That must have been it, the earth-shattering thing he was forgetting. The green spreading to his shoulders, his hips. His core locking up, shaking with agonizing shocks. 

In his mind, Vlad hovered over him, shouting. A boom, metal crumpling, sudden icy chill. He couldn’t move. Helpless. He was going to die…

In Frostbite’s arms, Danny shook. “I… I thought I was going to die.” Sudden silence. A figure kneeling over him, unseen through his tears. “I was melting… I… I couldn’t move.”

His heart ached with longing. Familiar faces flashed in his mind. His parents, Sam and Tucker, Jazz. “I…I just wanted to go home. I barely remembered them, barely remembered who I was.” The memory flickered, finding his parents’ picture in the book in Vlad’s office, his real name printed in the pages, and the sheer joy that had overtaken him. “I just wanted to go home.” He was trying to go home to his friends and family but… 

In the lab, a mouth hung above him, lips making the words ‘I’m sorry.’

Danny recoiled at the memory, burying his face into Frostbite’s fur. It… it didn’t make sense. Vlad would never say he was sorry. He couldn’t remember… but he was dying, his mind swimming, far away and terrified and- 

“I didn’t want to die!” The boy practically screamed. The force of the words, the sudden realization had him violently pushing himself from the yeti’s arms. “Am I dead?!”

“No. No. No.” Danny pulled at his hair. He’d barely gotten to live and now he was dead. “I can’t… I can’t be dead.”

“No, great one.” Frostbite’s paws appeared on his arms, gently pulling his tugging fingers from his hair. “You are not dead.”

Danny blinked, the panic rushing out of him. His heart, or the illusion of one, still pounded, yet shaking arms gently lowered “But…. but I melted.” He flinched at his own words, the next coming out quiet, pained. “How?”

The yeti chief’s brow furrowed. “You said you were in your enemy's lab when this happened. Perchance, do you remember a portal there?”

The boy’s brow furrowed, surprised by the question. “Yes?”

Frostbite nodded gravely. “I suspect you teleported into the Realms.” Danny’s lack of understanding must have been obvious on his face, because the yeti’s expression softened, voice soft and slow like he was talking to a hurt child. “Teleporting is one of your abilities, even if it has not developed fully yet. When your body… dissipated, you would have been reduced down to your core.”

“My core?” Danny looked down at his chest, raising a shaky hand to it.

“Yes.” The yeti nodded. “Grievous injuries will condense a ghost into their core. As long as the central part of their being remains intact, a ghost can survive. But,” Worried eyes fixed on the half ghost. “Cores will crack and fade if there is a deficiency of ectoplasm.”

The boy’s mouth felt dry. “Like in the human world.”

“As in the material realm, yes.” Frostbite agreed. “In a last ditch effort to save you, your core mostly likely used the last of its energy to teleport into an ectoplasm rich environment.“

“So I went through the portal.” Danny bit his lip, voice shaky. “But…I don’t remember that. Why don’t I remember that?”

The yeti gently reached forward, pulling the ghost boy once again into his arms. “Most ghosts do not remember the time spent as just their core. It is like… your human sleep, I believe. Or unconsciousness.”

“Yeah…” That made a type of sense. Distantly, Danny remembered darkness, the feeling of drifting, disconnection from his senses. He swallowed. “So I ended up in the Zone. What then?”

“You presumably drifted for a while.” Frostbite motioned to the boy’s core. “The scans of your core we took while you were unresponsive suggested you had recently re-formed. This is consistent with your lack of external injuries. You most likely came back together in the ectoplasmic nebula near our island.”

Danny’s brow furrowed for a long moment, mind processing. Finally… “I… re-formed? What… what does that mean?”

“Your core rebuilt your body using the surrounding ectoplasm.” A large paw patted the boy’s back. “You are fortunate you drifted into a nebula. The plentiful, active ectoplasm creates a rich, bountiful area for injured ghosts to re-form, and for the new creation of many others. And you found yourself so close to friends…” Frostbite smiled encouragingly. “The Divine must smile on you, indeed.”

The half ghost did not feel very encouraged. He stared at his hands, insides twisting. “So this is a new body…” He shakily removed his gloves, eyes trailing over the familiar fingers. The short, round fingernails, the light green skin, every crinkled line in his palm… everything looked the same as he remembered but… “Are you sure I’m not a full ghost?”

Frostbite squeezed one shoulder comfortingly. “Yes, I am sure. I myself saw your internal anatomy continues to reflect that of your human body. And on your core, the ability to transform between your two forms remains visible as well.”

Danny let out a sigh of relief. He looked at his hands again. Suddenly… he needed to be human again, needed to see that he was still alive. His aura flickered, mind searching for the trigger.

“Do not try to change yet.” The yeti gently reprimanded. 

Disappointment rushed through the boy, guilty unease flickering. Had he done something wrong?

But Frostbite continued before he could ask why. “The potential for your human form still exists, but without real world matter to reassemble it, it is inaccessible. We have been providing material world water and nutrients to you intravenously but your body still requires more time to recover.”

“Oh.” Danny nodded in understanding. “That makes sense. Wait..” His eyes widened, his nose wrinkling in distaste. “What do you mean you saw my internal anatomy yourself?” He side-eyed the yeti.

With that, Frostbite’s face turned apologetic. “My apologies, Great One. I mean, we had to perform surgery.” His expression turned serious, crinkled with worry. “Our scans found a foreign object embedded in your core. It was periodically electrocuting you, causing… dissolution in your extremities.”

The boy’s eyes widened, stomach twisting. Frostbite had said at the beginning that it had been touch and go for a long while there but…

“It was worsening so…” The yeti paused for a moment there, arms gently squeezing the shaken boy. “The other doctors and I performed surgery and extracted it.” 

Well, that was a relief. After a moment, Danny swallowed. “Can I see it?”

Frostbite paused, giving him a searching look. “Are you certain?”

Decisively, the boy nodded. “Yes.”

“Very well.” With that, the chief opened his arms, gently placing Danny back on the bed.

The boy had a long moment to blush, just realizing. He’d been sitting in the ghost’s lap for most of that conversation, like he was a little kid. He wiped his face with his hands, trying to shrug off the embarrassment.

Meanwhile, the yeti stood, rifling through drawers. After about several seconds, he returned. Frostbite gravely presented the jar. 

Wordlessly, Danny took the container between his hands. He studied the contents. A tiny metal strip laid there innocently, y shaped and as long as the end of his pinky. “This is it.” A lump formed in his throat. “This is what Vlad used to… to try and kill me.”

The full ghost’s face scrunched up, eyes alight with anger. “I had suspected this device was the cause of your injury. To violate one's core like this…” His nostrils flared, expression positively murderous. 

Danny swallowed, eyes just starting to widen.

Then Frostbite sighed. Again, compassionate eyes turned to the half ghost. “I vow Plasmius will never touch you again, not with the might of the Far Frozen standing beside you.” He shook his head. “Still, I am relieved you escaped.” A paw squeezed his shoulder. “The Divine delivered you to our paws and found you safety. I am much joyed to see you recovering.”

Danny’s heart squeezed, warmed by the words. The boy slumped, heaving a sigh. “I… thanks for taking care of me.” Still… his insides twisted, overwhelmed by it all. 

“It is my pleasure, Great One.” Frostbite beamed.

The boy grimaced. “Can you call me Danny? Please?”

“Danny, then.” The yeti nodded seriously.

The half ghost forced a smile. He really was grateful to Frostbite. He appreciated the comfort, but… 

The boy yawned, a sudden tiredness coming over him.

“Ah, I should leave you to rest.” The chief stood. “Press this button if you are in need of any assistance. Sleep well, Danny.”

“Thanks.” The half ghost nodded. 

With that, the yeti left. The door closed and Danny was alone. Soon, despite his anxiously twisting insides, sleep took him again.

[daniwib]

As 2024 comes to a close, I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has supported my writing this year. Whether you read, kudosed, subscribed, bookmarked, or recommended my fic, your support has meant the world to me.

A special shoutout to those who’ve commented, especially my regulars whose names I see again and again - you know who you are, and I hope you know how much I treasure you. Your thoughts and reactions make this entire process so rewarding, and I’m endlessly grateful for every single word you’ve shared with me.

As an Australian, sitting here in my hot little chunk of the world in the middle of nowhere, it’s wild to think about how my stories have reached people all over the world. Knowing my writing resonates with so many of you, no matter where you are, is something I’ll never take for granted.

A special thank you to the friends I've chatted with on Discord and Tumblr. You’ve been an incredible source of support, insight, and laughter this year. Whether it’s plotting prompts, brainstorming ideas, sharing headcanons, or just nerding out together, I truly appreciate every moment. You’ve made this journey even more enjoyable, and I’m so grateful for all of you! To those I’ve had the privilege of collaborating with on stories this year, thank you for your creativity, enthusiasm, and trust. Working with you has been such a joy, and I’m endlessly inspired by the ideas and passion you bring to the table. Here’s to more adventures together in the future!

Thank you, everyone, for making this year so special. Your kindness, passion, and encouragement have been a constant source of joy and inspiration. Here’s to another year of storytelling - I hope you’ll stick around for what’s to come!

Wishing you all the very best for the year ahead!

Tagging some special people, please forgive me if I miss anyone - I was born in the 1900's and my memory is not what it once was. Name changes confuse me too!!! @daughterofscotland @wingwyrm @angelwithwingsoffire @freesirius4life @hella-writes @louferignojr @buffaluff @steadfastsaturnsrings @ronordmann @catmomjudy @spacetimeconundrum @an-amalgamation-of-thingss

[torihakaraublog]

Mammon Birthday 2024

My MC dotes on Mammon, but is not romantically interested in him so of course they had to make him feel special on his birthday!

Very much enjoyed Mammon's birthday event he's genuinely a fun guy to hang out with. With a lot of the previous character birthday events you have to plan out the day, but Mammon has made his own plans for his birthday that he hopes you are free to join him on (which you are).

The activity is a treasure hunt in the Uncharted Woods. No misfortune befalls you on the adventure for once and thanks to Mammon's cute habit of mumbling about things while he looks them up you and Lucifer get him a pair of shoes to fit the occasion - ones that lead you to fortune!

There is a peaceful run in with a chest mimic - I LOVE that mimics are canon in OM! - there was one in a Bel event a few months ago as well tho that one was not as friendly. It's on my bucket list now to make a mimic OM! oc xD

The mimic is also celebrating a family members birthday (a sibling in ill health) and Mammon has no regrets giving up the expensive Blood-Red Diamond. The unexpecting exchange item (a gold feather?) from the mimic turns out to be worth more O.o

Liked that the 'party options' were private drink or go to club. Got very different vibes, which is good. Went to club cause didn't want to give him too many ideas, but he still got a few kiss kiss from me for being a good boy :3

Obey Me! NB "Dark Eternal Bliss" Pop Quiz

Ahhh really enjoyed this event! It wasn't too complicated but had some interesting lore elements to it. Also everyone's festival outfits looked really good. They were reminiscent of their traditional festival outfits.

The overall plot was basically: stuck in a dimension between the demon world and human world. We are tasked with holding a marriage festival to an emperor - marriage candidate is marked on back of hand. We are able to get the emperor to release us + the other souls trapped there through discussion.

There was a lot of sweet solo moments with the brothers (including proposals of sorts). Not as many with the other characters. Sometimes you had to pick between two characters - how dare they make me pick between Satan and Beel at one point!

Some of my fave things I ended up doing:

Floor cleaning with Levi (making a date for later) :3

Making plans with Satan, Beel, and Lucifer

Talking with the sad Matrimonial Black Flowers

Stargazing with Satan

Going on a walk with Lucifer

Pretending to be married to Bel to mess with the brothers haha

Getting a care package from Thirteen TwT

Lucifer saying he would always search for us no matter what world we were in.

Haunted trail hand holding with Levi

Another part I really liked was Luke, Beel, and Solomon collecting the festival food. Instead of it being the typical 'you two get out of the kitchen' moment Luke insisted they stayed for the other talents they had; Solomon's text reading and Beel's physical strength.

Through the whole event Asmo, Barbatos, and Solomon were being epic kings. When I suggested Barb being the bride and Asmo being like "that would scare them away" made me laugh (Barb kinda seemed into the idea lol). And then Barbatos and Solomon agreeing that they would want to approve who marries us first but would probably also not approve anyone lol

Didn't manage to get any completed cards this event, but with any luck I'll eventually pull the new brother appreciation card (rip the 80 pulls I've done already).

Might also try to do an art piece for this event so I'll post it down below if I do :3

Edit: Okay I drew something xD Do you like stars?

Beel + Brooke and Satan + Brooke

[canmom]

NieR Orchestra Concert 12024 [the end of data] (London, 15/2/2024)

NieR concert was incredible just as expected. Honestly, from the moment I got there - the cosplayers, the general atmosphere, it was just a good place to be surrounded by NieR nerds lmao. So many people happy to chat with the stranger next to them, kind of a con vibe.

But of course we were there for the music! And it was fuckin amazing. The emi evans/j'nique nicole duets😭These were special orchestral arrangements specifically for this concert, and the way the sound of the orchestra fills the space, how you can see a phrase physically ripple across the orchestra... I don't get to go to a lot of concerts but I really should try to go more often, because it's something else to hear orchestral music.

below: further comments on the concert, lots of cosplay photos.

The multimedia elements also worked really well - every piece was accompanied with backing videos using either demosceney abstract visuals or images from the games, along with text that told a short story over the course of the concert, with some segments voice acted by the English voices of 2B and 9S (Kira Buckland and Kyle McCarley, who have previously made their own performances of the original Japan-only concert readings). I won't spoil the story in this post since there are still concerts to come, but it was... not that substantial I'll admit, but sweet, and a nice framing device to create a flow through the songs and various moments from the games.

Hearing J'nique Nicole's voice live though, that was incredible. Emi Evans was there just as last time, and just as amazing as always - but this time we had both of them on stage together, and it was absolutely sublime. We all went wild. They performed duets in several songs, with the standouts naturally being A Beautiful Song, Ashes of Dreams, and of course Weight of the World. I think we all thought that was the end because we gave it a standing ovation but then Emi came back out to perform Kainé. After that we got into the groove of standing up and stood up again like three more times lol.

Yoko Taro and Yosuke Saito showed up at the end and made a bunch of rapidfire jokes in Japanese that the translator couldn't keep up with, bless her. But we got to give them like the fourth standing ovation of the night, and made a lot of noise when Yoko Taro suggested it would persuade the president of Squeenix to fund a sequel. I'm sure they appreciated it lmao. I think it must be so weird for Yoko Taro to go from someone with a career of niche, unsuccessful games to being internationally renowned to the point that a massive auditorium full of people in multiple countries will go absolutely nuts just to hear him speak a language we mostly don't speak.

Good mix of people who were at a NieR concert for the first time and people who'd been to the last one. There was a guy near me who had apparently been to the Berlin concert just a few days before, and snagged a ticket for this one literally yesterday just to get it again with better acoustics. I respect it lol. Everyone I spoke to was remarkably friendly - last time I went to one of these things I felt really nervous about approaching anyone but it seems I've gotten better about that kind of thing in the last few years. Anyway, people had come from all over - I chatted with a pair of Americans from Boston all the way down the merch line.

Here are some pictures, mostly of cosplayers. I am still getting used to shooting with the DSLR my friend gave me, so not all of these came out perfectly steady and some of them the exposure wasn't right,, but there are some nice ones in here...

bokeeeeehhhhhhhhh... I spoke a bit to the owner of this 9S doll. Her mum was there too, and it turns out she's a haberdasher who makes cosplays for her daughters and has now done over 70. That's a legendary mum right there.

The 9S cosplayer here gave me his instagram. he's a pro photographer so I feel a little embarassed at the quality of the photos I took of him ^^'

I got some merch too, since I understand it's the main way events like this support themselves.

That Kainé thing isn't a print, it's a vinyl record with a few arrangements of Kainé. Though I was totally prepared to buy it as a print because it's a lovely drawing. I don't actually own a record player, but one day I'll surely listen to it ^^'

I was too fatigued to make a cosplay this time, but I'm sure there will be another concert and next time, for sure, I will go as Devola or Popola. Unless Yoko Taro comes up with another redhead character in the meantime lmao.

[justafilmfan]

Nosferatu (2024) review {spoilers}

(sorry if there are typos I did not proof read)

Before I get into it let me just say I LOVED this movie. It was so beautifully done, the cinematography was fantastic, it was disgusting and sexy and dark. It was goth! (love a gothic movie) I could go on and on with all the things that I loved about this movie.

As a person who has sexual trauma I felt very seen through this movie and I think there are a lot of ways to view count Orlock. He could be symbolic to abuse, specifically childhood sexual abuse. The way Helen calls out to someone, anyone, for comfort as a child and that is taken advantage of and she falls into something much darker. There is a genuine connection between Helen and count Orlock, a genuine yearning that both intrigues and horrifies Helen. Often when people find themselves in a sexually abusive situation it's not uncommon for our brains to try to put a positive spin on it, a natural curiosity to what had happened to you and the confusing and conflicting emotions that can follow.

You could also view count Orlock as a representation of the taboo and "darker" wants. In the Victorian age era; women aren't allowed to be sexual creatures, they aren't supposed to have wants and needs that society dictates is unbecoming of women. We see this with Helen's diagnosis of hysteria and melancholy. Her desires present themselves in a raw and frightening way. She shows genuine yearning for Nosferatu that makes her feel disgusted and ashamed, because of the societal expectations placed on women, especially during this time period. At one point in the film Nosferatu refers to himself as an appetite, nothing more, which could further showcase Helen's wants and desires.

You could also view Orlock as a representation of Helen's mental illness. I like to image this when I look at Thomas Hutter's performance. Helen has for a long time been plagued with horrible dreams and terrible anxiety, which is worsened when Thomas is away. As Thomas is horrified and traumatized by Nosferatu and Helen talks of this vampire as terrifying and horrible but also gives her feelings of happiness and comfort. I think everyone who has lived with intense mental illness can attest that sometimes we find comfort in the familiarity of our symptoms. As Thomas goes through these experiences he never once lets himself lose love for Helen. Through all the trauma, he stills fights to make it back to his love and to save her from something that scares him to no end. I also imagine the ending being symbolic of Helen succumbing to her mental illness in attempts to protect her loved ones, thus ending her own life (only leaving heartbreak in her wake).

Basically I think there are many ways to look at the new Nosferatu movie but overall the movie is absolutely fantastic. I love how seriously they took this movie, it wasn't silly, it wasn't goofy, it was raw and horrifying and gross and sad.

I also need to give some love to the Nosferatu monster design. What an amazing design!! Of course, the mustache took me by surprise (as did it most people) but I did not hate it! I actually really love how they designed Orlock to look like a Romanian man of the time but made him taller, scarier, and more decrepit than just a regular man. They were able to make him supernatural and vaguely human and I wouldn't change a thing.

Lastly I need to give appreciation to the acting in this movie, every single actor gave a performance of a life time and made this movie so special. I have 0 complaints about all the acting performances, I felt so drawn into the movie, I was fully immersed in the story line and in the characters and their feelings.

In conclusion, if you like well thought out gothic vampire movies with amazing monster design, a well thought out plot, fantastic acting, and gross sexy monster loving then this is the movie for you.

5/5 stars

( I also need to add that the ending was *chefs kiss* incredible)

[aly-s0ares]

A Letter To All Of Those I Care About

hi.

due to personal circumstances, i’ve been inactive publicly on all social media platforms.

i’ve learned at lot. and i’ve hurt a lot.

2024 was one of the worst years of my life, and i feel like even though i walked into it on a bad foot, i still believed it would be better than 2023 where i relapsed on self harm and body dysmorphia.

when i wrote a letter about me leaving in january, i expected things would get better once i removed myself from the narrative. but in reality, things got worse.

to keep it short, i loved my privacy and i plan on keeping it, HOWEVER, i felt bottled up and restricted and like i was only doing something just because someone else made me feel unwelcomed (but in reality, if they truly hated me and wanted me gone they would just click off my profile and never click on it again, let alone try and bully me off but go off legend ig).

i left the internet on dramatic terms and i’ve been dramatic in expressing how i feel and i know that maybe it doesn’t make me look the best but to be honest, i don’t know what else to say anymore other than anyone who thinks im crazy or that it’s fully to watch someone fall, crash and burn doenst really the EXTENT of what i went through and what’s really going on, not just online, but in my life in general.

i miss when the internet felt fun and not some attention seeking race. i miss when home felt like comfortable at best and not a ticking time bomb until one (1) particular member gets pissed off and suddenly is a fucking nightmare. i miss when i felt welcomed at holiday parties because someone special was alive. i miss how my cat would sit on my chest whenever she knew i was upset. i miss when i felt wanted by the one i love, and not like a fucking joke. i miss when my dreams felt tangible and not like it’s controlled by someone else who sees me as a joke and has the power to ruin my reputation before i even started.

and i miss when i felt listened to, like genuinely listened to. genuinely respected, and the root cause was my emotional state and how others viewed it. and some played with it for sport. i was vulnerable and easy to rile up and they took advantage of it. and i miss when i wasn’t.

what i’m trying to say is: i miss what’s dead, therefore, i feel fucking dead and i wish i was.

my birthday was a few days ago, i turned 23 and i felt like it was a waste of time because, like the new year last year, nothing changed.

the only person who went out of their way to make me feel wanted and appreciative that i was alive was my mom.

and to be honest, part of it is my fault because of how distant i’ve been due to my intense grief of what’s lost.

however, i still cried because someone still felt the need to take advantage of my feelings and play with it and ruin my day. my special day, the day i was born. the day i almost died because i didn’t take my first breath of air the second i came out.

i think at that point, i realized my life was wasted away. and that it will never be truly appreciated because im just waiting for other people to appreciate it for me. and that person that did it knows that they have the power to ruin my day and they always take it when they can.

i would’ve died for him, but he made me feel like my life didn’t matter and that i would’ve been better off disappearing.

truth be told, i love him. and i always will, but i wasn’t loved back.

i don’t know how to move on tbh. i don’t think i will, but at the very least, i hope i can learn to appreciate my life.

part of me already has because despite almost dying and wanting to die so many times: i’m still here.

i don’t know if i believe in fate anymore, i think belief in anything kind of died when everything else did, but that has to count for something right?

cheers to 2025. i have no expectations that things are going to change and get better, but i’m alive.

and that’s definitely enough for me at least right now. i hope i can see next year as well even if it’s hard.

thank you, if you cared. i care about you too.

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 🧪 - November 2024 - Pisces

Singles:

The only way to describe this is “oof.” I don’t think this is a karmic connection - destined - as a whole, so much as karma is currently playing out with this person and it’s driving them crazy. Pretty sure they left you, could be switched but that’s how it’s coming out. They left, or were distant, or weren’t ready, or *insert thing that wasn’t dealt with* and now you’re distant. You’re pulling back, they don’t know whaaat is going on, they’re STRESSED. 9 Swords. Can’t sleep. What the actual fk is Pisces doing, where are they, with who, why haven’t they called me? The bottom of the deck shows they really don’t want to be the one to make the first move, call, whatever - but you’re not doing anything. Haven’t. Won’t 💯

That’s the reading, you won’t. That’s the karma. Or “consequence”. They’re someone distant already, withdrawn, they could use that as manipulation or something. I don’t see this being purposeful from you, but it’s like you’re giving someone a taste of their own medicine. You could have no idea and that’s why karma keeps showing up 🤷 Long-term, Spirit made me use these vague cards that don’t have yes or no but…you decide. Harmony’s Call, New Heights, and Labyrinth of Choices sounds like you’re going places babe 💜 Maybe somewhere this person isn’t cuz…where are they? You don’t seem to care anymore.

Couples:

The way these readings are set up are unique, that’s why I like them. Random, but…just say the thing. Then they do, specifically, individually, and that’s what makes them special. That’s for you in regards to this, I’m guessing there are some people that aren’t feeling individually praised, noticed, or appreciated - that’s the vibe. It could be you feeling that way. It could be in regards to your family and friends especially, maybe you’ve missed some celebrations or haven’t been around much - 3 Cups with The Hermit and Foundation show a return to home, friends, fun, after a time of deep solitude. Probably necessary, but some people could feel left out - it’s feeling “left out” more than anything. Are you celebrating something and have forgotten someone? Or you feel like others don’t care about you…family? Could be others in your family or your partner’s as well. Or you’re missing out on a celebration and are missed. Or feeling left out, could be out of anyone’s control, you have to work late that night. It’s possible your person is asking you out somewhere, and you’re rejecting them.

There’s going to be an opportunity to heal the past and get through this issue. You could be resistant, maybe it’s the last thing you want to do, or your partner, and Spirit is saying “give it a chance.” Don’t just snub the idea like this 4 Cups is showing. Or if someone has been this way towards you, whether you know or not, they may try to fix that this month. Ace of Pentacles can be a literal gift or an opportunity, either one could be offered to you. They’re going to give you a material thing that you can hold or use, what that is idk. Could be a cute pair of socks they found and know you like narwhals, it doesn’t have to be big - but it’s that person 😊 They think of you while they’re out & about, often?

Or this could be switched and you want to make up for snubbing someone earlier, maybe you wonder if they’re feeling a way - this would point to yes, and Spirit is saying with The Hermit and Quiet Moments that your intuition is on point, that’s why you’re feeling what you feel. Are they mad, probably. Do they feel left out, probably. Do you know this, probably. It’s confirmation - if you’re unsure, go meditate on it. You already know what to do it’s just do you want to or not. There could be some time apart to get your heads clear on a decision as well, it could be one or both of you - like it’s their issue and decision and you’re not that interested really, but that’s just what’s going on. Or switch it.

If someone’s invited to an event, they may decide not to go…the advice is you should. Take a small step, things will improve. The bottom shows you expecting the worst, or your person, and this is an opportunity to improve or make things better - not worse. Improve the mind to improve the other stuff, think positive ☀️ because Gate of Opportunities is positive. Get quiet and ponder through your issues when you need to, there will be times you do, and Spirit is saying clarity will be found in those moments. You already know 🙏 For these readings there really aren’t specific signs but here I’ve got Cancer & Virgo pretty strong.

[thrashdthoughts]

A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)

I am a person who can sit in silence. I can spend a whole day in an empty house without needing a sound. Silence is not scary to me…. until I watched "A Quiet Place." Hands down, that movie changed how I looked at my declining hearing, deteriorating eyesight, and curiosity toward alien culture. There are moments in that movie that have shaped spaces in my brain. I enjoyed "A Quiet Place: Part II," but like most sequels, it did not quite match the way I held my breath in the first movie, afraid to be the only one in the theater to make a sound. I was looking forward to the prequel, even though I have yelled to the sky that Hollywood needs to stop re-making all the classics, stop making all the comic books into movies, and stop giving all films an origin story.

“A Quiet Place: Day One” was worth they ticket price, in my opinion. A movie to see in the theater as opposed to the living room couch. Something about sitting in silence with strangers while watching a movie that is basically silent is eerie on its own. There is a nice continuity in Djimon Hounsou’s character, Reuben, showing up in the prequel that was unexpected. Also, having already watched the future destruction of humanity can allow some plot holes or questions to exist. First off, I get the impact that shock has on a person and the fucking trauma of being invaded by aliens that prey on sound is horrifying, but the idea that it is a good idea to join hundreds of people walking in the same direction on the same street and assume that the sheer volume (amount and sound) of footsteps would not attract attention of aliens who literally seek out vibrations, yeah, no way I would have been anywhere near that crowd. Also, for a movie that is supposed to highlight the end of Earth by alien invasion, there was very little alien invasion footage. Did anyone else think that? A few moments of chaos but then suddenly, everyone figured out they had to be quiet, and that was it. For the apocalypse, literal “Day One,” I was very underwhelmed.

There were also some moments where I felt as though the movie left itself and felt like a different movie; for example, the moment we see some egg, or hatchery, some feeding source for mini killer aliens, it is a moment that left me wondering what was the purpose of that tidbit? The previous two movies did not even give a nod to the killer aliens as being anything more than killers. Was there some thought on trying to bring some human empathy to killer aliens who must feed their young like everything else in this world? After realizing this bit added nothing to the plot and no angle, I chalked it up as useless information. Aliens feed, procreate, and feed their creations; that's life in all species. There is nothing special about the circle of alien life or that scene. Needed a cut. However, the scenes in the city where one sound can literally send a storm of aliens running past you, were chilling. My favorite effects of the movie are the fact that the world must be silent but the massive number of aliens that run towards one sound is deafening. Terrifying.

Discounting the "Zombieland" vibes of the epic search for that one last thing in life that you must experience before death, I think this movie held up to the hype. The plot was straightforward, and I loved the cat. It had a tugging storyline that brings a few weird moments where you get emotional but then realize you are in a horror movie, so tearing up is not an option. While the acting was good, the silence did not hold the same looks of desperation, pain, and appreciation. Of course, in the original movie, you have John Krasinski and Emily Blunt, who are married in real life and are probably used to shooting each other meaningful glances. For me, I think the comfort of husband and wife living in survival mode made the first movie even more impactful to my viewing. I missed the depth I felt while watching a family unit trying to survive, the connection that is genuinely built into those relationships, and the beauty in the facial expressions that were so vulnerable. I also felt the ache of this missing component while watching Part II. I know it is ridiculous to assume that two strangers brought together by a cat can share the same intimacy as a husband and wife in two days. Still, I believe Lupita N'yongo and Eric Quinn do a believable job. Lupita's big, beautiful eyes can send looks of desperation, and Eric's facial expressions convinced me of his fear. This movie franchise is only pulled off by people who can wear every emotion to its full extent via a close-up of the face. I have watched millions of movies, and I know that not everyone can pull off when the camera closes in, and the only focus for the audience is your face and the gut-wrenching impact that you either have or don't have. When you have a movie such as this one, where the busy, bustling, noisy city is now silent, it is crucial to be able to tell a stranger what you need and how you feel with only a look, unless you are a cat, if you are a cat, you do not have to do shit, and you can still steal the movie.

I cannot even get my cat to stay off the counter, and that fantastic feline is traversing rubble-filled New York City, holding its breath through long underwater escapes, never making a sound, and staying in a bag while being flung to and from. My biggest takeaway from this movie is that Frodo (as the cat was named) is not the bearer of the one ring in this movie…. he is the one ring….and I must find a cat as precious as that one! Sidenote: there is quite the stir on Reddit about this cat being more important than human life that tailspins into animal deaths in movies that tailspins into hunting that tailspins into veganism that tailspins into true horror fans in an all-out online brawl over the killing of pets in horror movies being either part of the genre or the destruction of the genre. Interesting. Google Frodo the Cat in Quiet Place and scroll through the Wikifan pages, Reddit, and movie reviews from amateurs like me who are obsessed with the fact that real cats were used, not dependent on CGI. Check out this The Hollywood Reporter article with director Michael Sarnoski, which exclusively discusses the cat. (https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/.../quiet-place-day.../)

Now, to play the fun game, "Who in our life would be the first to die if the world had to remain silent?" Come on, if you have watched any of “The Quiet Place” movies, you know you have done this game too. Would it be my ADHD son who spends a lot of his time mumbling his thoughts to himself without even noticing? Would it be my oldest daughter, who is a circular breather and can literally talk non-stop, and on occasion, she does? Or would I be the first to die while trying to boss everyone around and ensure they escape the "right" way and pack the "right" things? I need to call up my therapist and start working on those control issues, pronto!

*****SPOILER ALERT*******THRASH'D THOUGHTS ALTERNATIVE ENDING*******

I was hyped for one last monumental human scream to ring out over New York City. When Eric is running for his life, he somehow holds on to the most patient cat, Frodo (whose is played by two kitties whose precious names in real life are Nico and Schnitzel!). The camera pans to Sam watching to see if Eric makes it in time……I really wanted to hear her scream. I mean, if she was going to set herself up to die on her own terms anyway, I felt like one last desperate human scream would be a haunting way to remind Eric and the survivors on the boat, that a woman dying from cancer living on borrowed time, can take control of her own life and death. A classic heroine sacrifice.

[seapandora]

Illusion, Part 3/?

Illusion｜Part 3/?

Bucky x oc!Lori

Warnings: Angst, betrayal, swearing, torture, violence

A/N: Part 3 already. And so many more parts to go! I´d be lying if I said I wasn’t tired of this particualr fic every now and then. Luckily for me, my brain knew this would happen. So, the old full part 3 and 4 are both done. Now I just have to edit them. I hope you guys enjoyed this holiday themed part, the next two parts will also be hoiday themed. I wanted them to be released before Christmas, but oh well… Again I hope you guys enjoyed this one! Comment/ share and like if you can! GIF-cred to owner as always! Holler if you want to be put on the taglist!

Summary: Reader is a supersoldier, one of a number, one of nine. Hydra´s backup for the asset. The group was started in 1974 and has been working under the radar, training for the day when the asset no longer exists. Lori is the only one left. Left in a cryo, she wasn’t discovered until 2023 when a certain captain and his buddy found her.

Words: 6557

Taglist: @selfsun​

2024

December was a weird month. It was dark and gloomy, but full of light and happiness. Bucky had been planning the trip to Steve for a while. He was always visiting Steve around Christmas-time, but he had a special plan this time. Lori would come with him, Sam would too. But it was the first time Lori would meet Steve. She knew all about him by now. Steve knew off her, but seeing as he wasn´t military or an avenger anymore, and he didn´t have access to her files. He only knew what Bucky had told him.

Lori had been made aware of the plans in advance so that she could plan a good gift for Americas golden boy. Even if the stories Bucky had told her didn´t paint him in that light. She liked hearing Bucky talk about Steve, and the time before the war. He had retrieved most of his memories from that time, but he liked talking about it because it made him feel less like a monster. Lori had thought long and hard about what she would get Steve. She really wanted to impress him.

December 23rd rolled around a lot quicker than anyone had expected, despite December being a very quiet month, with just one, very simple, mission. This was the day they were visiting Steve in his cabin. Peggy had passed away a few years earlier. Despite Steve going back in time, he hadn´t been able to change Peggys destiny, or her cause of death. It had taken a toll on the former Captain, but he was beginning to be happy, finally. He had his art and the occasional visit from his friends, and of course he had the kids he had made with Peggy.

Bucky was beyond nervous for letting the two super-soldiers meet, but he was looking forward to hear Steves thoughts on Lori. He was driving with Lori and Sam. The others had been sent on a mission the night before, and would be home that afternoon, meaning they missed out on meeting Steve. They had all agreed to go meet up with Steve around New Years instead. Lori sat in the back listening to music while Sam sat besides Bucky. They were bickering like always and Lori had decided music was the best way to cut them out.

“Newbie, hey Lori… Are you even listening?” Sam asked and reached back to grab her leg. Lori wisely moved her leg out of the way and slapped Sams arm. “What do you want potoo?” She asked and raised her eyebrows at the man in the passenger seat. She had taken to calling him potoo about a month ago, for no other reason than to piss him off. At first Sam hadn´t understood the joke but he had done some research and found out that potoos were weird-looking birds with crazy eyes. He wasn´t ashamed to admit that he was offended at first, but only until he realized that Lori would have had to go out of her way to look up weird birds to give him a nickname that was special to her, and her alone. After he realized that he had no issues with it. “We´re about to arrive so put your shoes and jacket on,” he explained and nodded to a small cabin showing up on the road in front of them.

She did as she was told. She wasn´t sure why, but Sam had accepted her as if she was his younger sister and despite everything, Lori trusted Sam. More than anyone really. Apart from Bucky of course, but Bucky was different. Much between Lori and Bucky was different. Bucky was the first one Lori had opened up to. She had already told him a lot about herself and her time with Hydra. He knew about most of the bad stuff she had been forced into. He had also seen her at her worst.

In October Lori had begun showing signs of post traumatic stress disorder, a disorder Helen had later given her. It had started with Lori being unable to sleep and she had instead stayed up for longer than she should. When she did start sleeping she had nightmares, bad ones. They were about her time in Hydra. Some were just filled with images of the people she had killed, others were about her missions. But most of her nightmares were about the punishments Hydra would give her. The nights they would tie her to a bed and torture her.

Lori would wake up in tears, and she wouldn´t dare to go back to sleep after that. One rainy, cold night Lori had gotten up and walked to Buckys room. She was originally planning to go to Sam and talk to him, but something had enticed her to go to Bucky instead. Her subconcious had said Bucky would understand her situation better. He had been awake and he had let Lori sleep in his bed curled up to his chest for the rest of the night. He had read somewhere that hearing calming sounds, such as rain patter, or a heartbeat, could be helpful, and thats what he tried to be.

That was the first night in a few weeks she had slept well. From that night Bucky made sure that Friday watched Lori during the nights, and he would be right outside knocking on her door when Friday alerted him to changes in her sleep. Lori really appreciated it. She appreciated Bucky for wanting to help her, and wanting the best for her. He was constantly there for her, even when she didnt know she needed him.

The air hit her as Sam opened the door for her. She was in the midst of tying her left shoe. It was cold, enough for both Lori and Bucky to want a jacket, and Sam was wearing a thicker jacket. He didnt have super-soldier serum, so he wasn´t as resistent to the cold as the two others. Being who he was he often complained about it as well, and he could become very grumpy when Lori or Bucky weren´t cold. It wasn´t fair in his books. He grumbled as he pulled the jacket closer around himself while Bucky and Lori kept theirs opened.

Steve was standing on the little patio in front of the cabin leaning on his cane. “I´ve got a fire going inside and Brooke made us all hot chocolate before she left, so come inside and get comfortable,” he said and smiled before he walked back into his cabin. Sam and Bucky followed after him while Lori took a bit longer. She didn´t analyze her surroundings, she trusted Bucky and Sam and their judgment.  If they felt safe in the environment, so did Lori. Bucky looked back to her and chuckled before he stretched his hand out to her. “Come on slow-poke,” he chuckled and watched as Lori took some slow steps up the stairs.

Lori gently took Buckys hand and let him guide her inside. They all took of their shoes, considering Steve himself claimed to be old to want to vaccuum every second day. Bucky helped Lori with her jacket and hung it up for her before they made their way further into the cabin. The seating area was small, and felt smaller with the original supersoldier, and the first winter soldier. Sure Steve had lost a bit of his muscle mass but he was still tall and he filled up a space like no bodys business. Bucky was just buff in general, muscular, tall-ish, and his broad shoulders really made him look bigger. Sam wasn´t as big as the other two, but he was still tall and muscular. Lori wasn´t small either, but she had a very different baseline from which the serum worked.

They all sat in silence for a while until Sam coughed a bit. “So Steve, meet Lori,” he said and gestured to Lori who waved shyly from her seat besides Bucky. “Lori, where are you from? I´ve heard a bit about you, but when were you born? And where?” He asked with a kind smile. He didn´t want to overdo things already, but he needed to know who she was before he trusted her. Before he could trust her to be around Bucky. Lori looked at him and played with her fingers. “Ehum, I was born in 1959 inSweden,” she answered and looked down at her hands. She didn´t feel intimidated by the supersoldier, but she felt like she had to show him respect. He was older, wiser and a better human being than she was.

Steve nodded and proceeded to ask Bucky and Sam about their latest mission. All to allow Lori to warm up to him. He didn´t want her to be nervous around him, he wanted her to consider him an ally, someone she could talk to if she needed. Lori stayed close to Bucky but looked around Steves cabin. There were one or two famous paintings as well as a few black and white sketches. Some were clearly of Peggy, a woman Lori would recognize anywhere. A few were of Bucky and Steve from what seemed like way back, possibly the time of the war. A few were simple landscapes, around the compound area. Lori had been on enough runs to recognize the scenery. Steve watched her and looked up at the sketches. “What do you think?” He asked and smiled at Lori.

She looked to Steve and then back to the sketches. “They´re beautiful. But I can´t say I´m not feeling a little uneasy by seeing a different Bucky.” She explained and sighed as she glanced to the Bucky she knew. “Oh, he isn´t different. Not really anyways, just hardened by what happened to him. When I see him I still see the Bucky from the 30´s and 40´s. He just takes longer to show that side of himself.” Steve argued and stood up. “Come with me, I´ll show you more sketches,” he said and smiled as he walked towards a room to the north of the cabin. Lori stood up as well and followed Steve.

The room was smaller than Lori had expected, but it didn´t have any furniture apart from a desk and a chair. However the walls were filled with pencil sketches. It was sketches of everything between heaven and hell. She looked around in awe and crossed her arms over her stomach. Sure the room wasn´t big but Lori felt small around the art. It was so beautiful, and meaningful, without Steve having to say so. Lori looked closer on a specific sketch of Bucky. She checked the date on it and realized it had been done in the summer of 2018.  That meant it was done after the snap, Bucky was gone by then. Steve noticed her looking at it and sighed. “We lost everything in the snap. For a few months I didn´t know what I was going to do.” Steve said softly and sighed as he sat down on the chair.

“Natasha took over the Avengers, or whatever it was by then. I couldn´t be around it all, I didn´t want to be around it all. I took over Sam´s VA-group, not that it was a VA-group by then. It was a way to help people understand what had happened.” Steve said quietly and drummed his fingers on the table. “I spent most of the five years sketching and trying to help people. I owed that to the world.” He continued. Lori looked at him and frowned. “But you did save the world. You reversed the snap, and you saved those who had been taken,” Lori exclaimed and tilted her head.  

Steve smirked a bit and shook his head. “I wasn´t alone in doing that, and Tony was the one to actually reverse it. “He said and rubbed the back of his head. Sitting there at his desk in front of the window with the snow falling outside, he looked lonely. “As true as that might be. I read that you were the one to inspire him to come back. That without you two making up, the world wouldn´t have been saved.” Lori said as her eyes slid over a sketch of Iron Man himself. Steve had sketches of all the team-members, well the original team-members at least.

“You and Bucky, huh?” He asked and Lori froze before she snapped her head towards Steve. “Wha… what? Me and Bucky, what?” She asked and looked terrified for a second before the look turned into confusion. “Oh you two aren´t fondueing?” He asked with a smirk, which he dropped as he saw the utter confusion on Lori´s face. “You´re not a couple? Youre not dating?” He asked instead and stood up from the chair. Lori just shook her head with a frown. “Oh wow, I´m sorry. It´s just the way you look at each other and the way you talk to each other and touch each other,” he said trying to explain his questions.

Lori looked down at her hands and sighed. “I… I like Bucky. He´s… he´s been very udnerstanding with me. I feel like there´s a trust between us that I´ve never had before. I really like Sam too, but more like a brother than anything.” She mumbled and picked at her fingers, a sign Steve often saw in people who were nervous. “Have you told Bucky about how you feel, or has he talked to you?” Steve asked and looked at her with interest. “No, no, no, I´m pretty sure he doesn´t feel that way,” Lori said quickly and put her hands up. Steve gave her a knowing look but nodded. “Alright, well I´m sorry I spoke on it when I was clearly unaware of the real situation. But please talk to Bucky about it. I´m sure it will all work out!” He said with a smile before he led Lori back into the livingroom.

Bucky looked up as Steve and Lori came back in. “Has he shown you all his sketches now?” He asked with a smile before he stood up to get the bag of gifts they had brought over. Lori smiled at Bucky and nodded her head. She couldn´t shake the feeling of what Steve had told her, and asked her about. She really hoped she´d get over it soon enough. She wasnt sure she was ready to make any of her feelings known. And she wasn´t even sure Bucky would care.

1973

Spring had rolled in with tons of rain. Lori wasn´t allowed outside but she heard it through the nights, and water was running down the cement-walls of her cell. It was wet and cold. Lori

hated it. She had never done anything to deserve this. She had never hurt a soul, she never wanted to hurt anyone. Now that was the only thing she did. Her captors forced her against soldiers every day, and so far she hadn´t lost one fight. If she had she wouldn´t be around. She did her best to stay in their good graces to not be tortured.

It had been a success, they hadn´t tied her to a bed in months. That meant Lori hadn´t been in any pain she couldn´t handle in a long time. If relief was a feeling she could still have she had it now. They had also given her a better mattress and a thicker blanket. It was awful that this was what Lori had begun to associate with something good. But her current situation had turned into being her new safe, her new norm.

She had just been woken up by loud banging in the hallway outside her cell. She had immediately gone into a fighting stance. Her entire existence was based on defeating others. Guards entered her room, there was five or six of them now, considering Lori had become quite strong since they started the super-serum experiment on her. She could easily take down two of the guards at once, but she had issues taking down four or more guards, they were quite strong themselves.

They blindfolded Lori and brought her out of the cell and past her usual training rooms. She knew the hallways fairly well by now. She was more scared when she felt fresh air and rain on her skin. She was outside. They had taken her outside. Lori hadn´t been outside since she was taken. It was strange, and she was now terrified. Would they kill her? Shoot her and dump her into a hole and then cover it up? Lori didn´t know and she wasn´t sure she wanted to know.

Lori could hear the sound of a car close by but she didn´t have time to think about it before she was pushed into the backseat of a car. She was uncomfortable but her arms weren´t tied so she could adjust herself. The guards told her to stay put, and she didn´t dare do anything else. The car started to move and Lori held on to the seats. She didn´t have any sense of direction and had to struggle against falling over whenever the car took a turn.

After an hour or so the car stopped and Lori felt hands tugging at her arms. She moved her legs out of the car and then the rest of her body. The hands guided her down some stairs and into some sort of damp bunker-like area. The floor was rough and Lori wasn´t wearing any shoes. It was clearly cement but she could smell something metallic and her best guess was that it was either the piping, of the bunker-like place, or iron covered walls.  

She was dragged to a room which was slightly warmer. After the experiment, Lori had become more aware of her surroundings. It was as if an entirely different part of her brain had been unlocked. The blindfold was removed and she blinked at the light and squinted her eyes. She refrained from reaching up to cover her eyes from the light. Her bad aclimatizing to the light meant she wasn´t ready for the slap that landed on her left cheek abrubtly turning her head. Lori groaned and closed her eyes again. She didn´t reach up to touch her cheek. There wasn´t any need to, that wouldnt be the last hit.

2024

The quartet ate smores and drank hot chocolate while exchanging gifts with each other. Well it was really the three avengers giving gifts to the retired avenger. They had gotten together and brainstormed Steves gifts one night and had then gone their separate ways to get them. Bucky had gotten Steve a new set of Aquarells and generally new supplies since he knew Steve was always running low by the end of the year. Sam had managed to get a deal on a warehouse just a few blocks away which now was Steves. It was a place he could store either his sketches or furniture from his house to fill it with more sketches.

Lori who barely knew Steve, but wanted to be liked by him, had gone all out. She had gifted him with a paid vacation to the Stockholm archepelago. It was the city she was from and she had always loved the ocean as a kid. Steve quickly declined her gift but Lori insisted. It was her wish that Steve would get to go there and make beautiful sketches in peace and not have to worry about anyone else. She had seen some of his landscape sketches and knew he could do amazing things with the right view.

They stayed for a bit longer, but decided that they should head back at around 3 pm. Steve had his family arriving later in the evening and wanted to clean up a bit, and the three avengers had to get back to the compound to start setting up things for christmas. They also had to get a tree on their way back. Sam asked Bucky to drop him halfway home. He had a few buisness to attend to. Bucky and Lori could get the tree themselves. The tree-farm was quite close to the compound, just one turn off actually. Bucky pulled up to the forest area and got out of the car pulling his jacket a bit tighter. They didn´t really get cold anymore but the wind still made his skin crawl.

A perfect tree stood right in front of them. Bucky thought it was perfect at least. Nearly every tree was perfect in his mind. He really didn´t care too much. Celebrating Christmas was something he did just for the others, he himself didn´t feel much of a connection to the holiday. Most of his previous ones had been spent killing or sleeping. He looked over to Lori, well, where she was supposed to be, but he couldnt find her. “Lori?” He called out and began to look around the trees to see if he could find her. The trees were quite a bit taller than Bucky and Lori was shorter than Bucky. She could have easily sneaked off and he wouldn´t be able to find her. She was a spy after all, and she had been trained by some of the best.

If she didn´t want to be found Bucky wouldn´t find her, but he did start to panick a bit when he had been searching for a few minutes. It wasn´t a big place, she couldn´t just disappear.  He had half a mind to try and call her when she came out from behind a tree looking for him. “Where did you go?” He asked with his voice slightly raised. “You can´t just run off,” he explained and sighed as he noticed Lori moving back a bit. He quickly realized it was because he raised his voice at her. He shook his head and held her hands up. “I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to raise my voice at you, I was worried. Did you find a tree you like?” He asked and gave Lori a soft smile to try and ease the blow from before.

Lori nodded and pointed in the direction of a row of trees a bit further into the farm. It was obvious why they had been placed farther away from where people would typically go. The trees were smaller and less perfect. Not awful, just slightly less ideal for a Christmas tree. “Are you sure doll? The compound is pretty big and we want a tree that can flourish in the environment, right?” He asked as he looked at the trees. If it truly was what Lori wanted he wouldn´t argue and he wouldn´t complain.  Lori looked over at Bucky and pouted a bit. “I know they´re not traditionally beautiful, but there´s a charm to them, don´t you agree?” She asked softly and touched one of the trees´ branches.

Bucky didn´t have the strength to say no to her so he simply nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Pick whichever one you like the most,” he said, defeat clear in his voice. He wasn´t actually upset with it though, why would he be? It was just a christmas tree.  Lori walked around for a bit longer before she decided on a tree that stood around 5´6 feet tall. Bucky happened to know the average christmas tree was 7 ft tall. He hadn´t googled that, nope, not at all…  He hadn´t googled Swedish Christmas traditions to be able to give Lori something sepcial either. Not that he had found much, and he felt like he had to talk to Lori about it before he put his plan to work.

They got the tree into the car and Bucky drove them back to the compound once they had paid for the tree. “I was looking online for something I could do for you and I found some old, well not old, traditions. Like a showing of Donald Duck, or something at 3 pm Swedish time, which is like 9 am here, tomorrow. I´ve fixed us a VPN so you can watch it if you´d like.” He said and stared hard at the road ahead of them. Lori glanced at him and smiled to herself. “I haven´t seen the Donald Duck Christmas showing since I was five or something, I´d love to watch it.” She answered and hugged herself as she curled up in the seat. It was beautiful outside, quiet and light. The road to the compound was mostly unused. The lower-level agents had all gotten the holidays off and if any situation came up the Avengers were stepping in. They had had a few months off when Lori was found and were now getting that time back.

Considering the compound was empty the snow was clean, and it was glimmering in the light of the car. It was dark out by now, but a few lanterns had been placed along the road, which meant it wasn´t pitchblack. Lori looked out the window and let out a silent sigh. Her first couple of Christmas celebrations had been amazing, but around the age of 8 or so her mother had stopped caring about making christmas special for Lori.  She was rarely home ,and if she was she had been drunk and Lori´s christmas had been ruined. Her father had never been around and she didn´t have any other family.

Bucky patted her leg and hummed. “So Donald Duck tomorrow. Would you like your present tomorrow as well. I read that that was also a tradition?” He asked and frowned a bit. Lori looked at him and chuckled. “You´ve surely done youre homework. Yes we do get our presents the 24th, but I dont mind waiting until the 25th, it´s not a big deal,” she explained and shrugged. Bucky nodded and smiled. “Alright, well I want you to tell me what you want from this Christmas. It´s your first in many many years, and I want you to enjoy it!” He said as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.  

Lori blushed and bit her lip. “I´m sure I´ll enjoy it as long as the team is around. You guys have done so much for me and I feel like you are all family to me.” she mumbled and pulled at the sleeves of her sweater which were sticking out under the sleeves of her jacket. Bucky smiled and reached over to take her hand. “We are your family, and you will always be safe with us.” He said and stroke the back of her hand.

Sure the two had spent nights together, after nightmares, but it had just been cuddles and hugs. But this felt different? Or maybe that was just Lori overthinking. Had something happened at Steves, or did she just now start to see the way Bucky interacted with her. He was always attentive to her needs and he always seemed to put her thoughts, and wishes first.

Bucky pulled into the garage at the compound and Lori got out of the car and got to open the trunk to get the tree. She wasn´t quick enough, and only managed to get the trunk open before Bucky gently nudged her out of the way and picked the tree up. Lori huffed a bit but backed away to give Bucky some space. “You could have just said you wanted to take it, instead of pushing me over,” she said and crossed her arms. Bucky laughed at her antics. “Hey did you want to carry it? I don´t mind” he shrugged. Lori shook her head and pouted. “No, you choose this, now you have to live with that choice,” She said and stomped over to the door holding it open for him.

She may be pouty but she wasn´t an asshole. Bucky chuckled once more and walked through the door she held open. “Thank you, do you want to go freshen up before we start decorating? I think the team is back, so you can catch up with Wanda and Peter if he´s still here” Bucky said. He didn´t want to crowd her or take up all of her time when he was certain that she and Wanda had a lot of things to talk about. They had grown so close in the past month. Lori had also gotten close to the young Parker-boy. Something that made Bucky a little uneasy at first, but he had quickly realized Lori only saw Peter as a younger brother, someone who helped her with technology and such.

Wanda made herself known quickly with a loud squeal as she ran to Lori to hug her. Lori hugged her back tightly and laughed a bit as Wanda showed her images of the mission. She often did that if it was something funny that one of the others didn´t want to be shared. Wanda pulled her to the kitchen so they could get something to eat and drink. Bucky was in turn left to his own demise as he was carrying the tree. He placed it down in the livingroom before he got Thor and Loki to help him get some decorations. They had a few boxes in the attic and Bucky didn´t feel like taking a million trips up and down the elevator.

The two gods had become regulars at the compound. Loki liked Lori a lot, she was just as tricky as he was and she liked to play pranks on Sam and Peter. She had learned a few from Loki. Of course she didn´t have his magic, but he shared what he could on “normal” tricks. Lori was a quick learner. Loki had tried to implement magic into it but Lori wasn´t having any of it. It wasnt fair considering neither Sam nor Peter was magical. Both of the gods had been very keen on letting Lori in on their story. Her favorite storyline so far was what had happened with Hela. She liked the fact that facing Hela had brought out the best in the brothers. Thor had been able to harnes his complete power and Loki had learned he wasn´t entirely bad.  

All the christmas decorations had been moved down from the attic by Bucky and the gods while Lori was catching up with Wanda and Peter. Sam had made his way back to the compound as well during that time. Once Lori was all caught up on the mission the three of them made their way to the livingroom where they saw all the boxes with decorations.  Lori looked around and frowned a bit. “We figured you´d want to take charge of the decorating,” Bucky explained as he looked around at all the boxes. Lori looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Well, I´definitely going to need some help,” She replied and huffed softly. Bucky laughed and nodded. “We´ll all help you, don´t worry about that” he smiled and got to setting the tree up. The foot needed assembling and well, the girls didn´t seem too interested and the gods had no idea what to do. Sam had already given up any sort of responsibility when it came to decorating.

Lori walked over to a box and opened it to see what was inside. Ornaments of all colours, shapes and sizes met her. She wasn´t a big fan of, over the top, decorating, and instead wanted to go for something more simple. She wanted the tree to look beautiful, and so her colors of choice were red and silver. It was simplistic but it fit them all. Well apart from Loki, but they would have reindeers up and around the compound. The rest of the avengers had grey or red incorportated into their suits and daily clothes. It would all feel more close-knit to Lori if she could see colors she felt comfortable with.

Wanda helped her a bit and used her powers to hang the ornaments in the windows and such. Peter was busy setting his aunts room up, for when she was coming over for Christmas. The gods were mostly standing around watching Lori and Wanda pick ornaments and decorate the livingroom. After a little while they moved to the kitchen and then the hallways. Bucky looked around after a little while noticing Lori and Wanda had left the room. He had been so invested in making sure the tree was standing safetly. “Hey where did Lori go?” He asked the gods who nodded towards the hallway.

He walked slowly wanting to give Lori and Wanda as much time as possible to hang their decorations, but he needed a few minutes alone with Lori. He found the two women after just a short while and smiled at their decorating skills. It was a bit of a mess actually but that was a later problem. “Hey Lori, can I talk to you for a sec?” He asked and frowned as he crossed his arms and waited for her go ahead. Lori tilted her head and thought for a second before she looked at Wanda, who nodded in approval. “I´ll finish up this hallway,” she said and nudged Lori towards Bucky. Lori groaned but walked over to Bucky ready to follow him, wherever he wanted to go.

Bucky smiled and held out his hand for Lori to take before he guided her down the hall to his room. He wanted them to have some privacy. Lori happily took his hand and followed him to his room. She wasn´t sure what he wanted to talk about but she was sure she wouldn´t mind. She liked the alone time she spent with Bucky. She took a quick look around Buckys room before she sat down on his bed, to which he had motioned. Bucky sat down besides her and turned to her taking both of Lori´s hands in his own. He was constantly in awe of how Lori didn´t seem to mind his metal arm and hand. She had no issues with the coldness that came from it. “So what was it you wanted to talk about?” Lori asked as she looked at Bucky. He looked so different from the pictures she had seen in his file. His hair was short, but she liked it. She understood why he had cut his hair. It was a reminder of his time with Hydra, and cutting it off was a way to leave that behind.

His hands were shaking slightly as he took a deep breath. “I… I´ve been meaning to talk to you for a while. Steve talked to me today, avbout it. And I kind of realized I had to… yeah I had to do this today,” he said and sighed. “Lori… I, I´m in love with you,” he said quietly and looked down at their hands. He could feel Lori freeze, her hands went stiff but she soon seemed to relax. She lot go of his metal hand and gently gripped Buckys chin to tilt his head up. He looked at her and felt his face heat up under her gaze. Blushing wasn´t something he was used to, emotions even less so.  

Lori smiled and leaned forward pressing her lips against Buckys. She could feel him still for a second before he melted into the kiss and grabbed her hand a little tighter. “Does… does this mean you feel the same?” Bucky asked as they broke for air. Lori giggled and nodded. “Yeah, I like you too,” she said and gave him a quick kiss. “How about we get back out, and we finish up decorating,. Eat some good food, and then I´ll be all yours tonight if you want, or we could go for a whole lot of cuddles,” she said and  bit her lip before she stood up and wiped her hands on her pants. Bucky stood up as well and hummed. “I´d like to spend the evening with you, but I have to go out and get some last minute presents,” he sighed.

1973

Her new bosses where hard on her. She hadn´t been this beaten up in a long time, maybe that was why she had been moved. It didn´t do her any good to dwell on it however, and hence she didn´t after the first day. She learned to follow orders, she learned not to talk back. She learned to be a compliant soldier.

The schedule she had been put on was brutal. At most she got four hours of undisturbed sleep, and those days she was lucky. Usually the nights were filled with screams making it near impossible to sleep more than a few minutes at the time. The days were filled with drills and training. She was trained in different languages, dancing, and general spy-subjects.  

In the few weeks she had been in her new prison she had learned proper french and russian. From before she had been forced to learn german and spanish. Swedish and english were languages she had known from before Hydra. She had overheard her captors talk about her learning italian and arabic as well.

And she did, it took her months but by mid august Lori was almost a perfect spy. The only thing she was lacking was the field-experience. And she would get that sooner than she thought. The very same month to be precise. It wasn´t a big mission, and it wouldn´t matter a lot if Lori failed, even if she would be punished hard if she did. But there was no risk in it for Hydra.

It was supposedly a simple elimination-mission, and the target wasn´t anyone too famous, but they had become a small threat to Hydra. Lori started by stalking the target for two days, they were simple, and obsessive about their schedule. Lori was able to take them out on her third day. She was then collected by Hydra and taken back to her prison without as much as a thank you or confirmation that she had done a good job.

When they got back to the holding place she was taken to her cell and left there for a few days. It wasn´t until five days later she got her next meal, and only after she had been through a thorough beating which left her forgetting her own name. When she came too she was back in her cell with half-eaten food in front of her and a small glass of water. She didn´t trust it for a second but swallowed it all down in seconds.

Her trust would earn her another beating. She wasn´t supposed to trust anything that was half eaten. She was not to make that mistake again, she was told. That was the first night in months she had cried herself to sleep. At the old place she had had a mattress and a nice blanket, now she had neither. She had her clothes to cushion the floor and to cover her from the cold in the room.

She had never thought it could get worse, but these new people. They were pure evil and Lori knew they would break her, and if they didn´t someone else would get the chance. That was her curse, ever since she became a super soldier. People wanted to break her, to be able to rebuild her.

[lonelypond]

2025: Breakout

Love Live, NicoMaki, 5.3K, 1/?

Summary: Super Idol and Closely Held Government Secret Yazawa Nico's been back from her tour, but she and Tokyo's top robotics expert, Nishikino Maki, have been at odds, unable to just pick up their relationship. And even if they can, how can they make a future work in a Tokyo that wants to limit their choices. Sequel to 2024.

A/N: Giving myself a Lunar New Year present a day early and posting this as a challenge. I rough drafted this chunk a year ago maybe and I kept tossing between potential story arcs and stalled. However, this is one of my favorite AU's so I'm giving myself a nudge. Any chapters to follow may or may not follow a linear timeline. Apparently I’ve missed juggling multiple AUs. Enjoy!

Also, thanks again to the Love Live Wikia for song translations. And may the Year Of The Pig bring you health, prosperity, and happiness. Thanks for all your support.

Chapter One

"Ebbing and rising,

The waves of my heart wash me away The strength to desire something this much Is the passionate Reason in my chest

That's strange; I'm feeling fervent! Once you've taken the first step, you've gotta run Has everyone gone through this? Everything starts to pick up; Ah, I can't stop

I think I want to give those things a try; I'll walk forwards while counting them"

And that’s Love Arrow with "Yuuki No Reason". Winter is winding down with a bit too much gray for our liking, but the next Tunnel Rave theme is Neon Night. Password is “first step.” Text it to the number you know for the location. And we’ll also be hosting a virtual dance floor for those of you who can’t make it out. Diamond Princess has banned Nico Ni songs but send us your requests for anything else that hits the target for you. And Ballet Twist has some advice about which toys to avoid when you hit the virtual dance floor.

FALLING INTO HER EYES

Five times in the past month. Professor Nishikino Maki couldn’t seem to avoid events that the Number One Idol in Japan aka that demon doll, Nico Ni was scheduled to perform at. She couldn’t blame either Nico or her mother. Nico had barely returned from her tour of the North of Japan, released a new single with a new sound and a burst of popularity, pleasing her government minders. Tonight was the fifth event, an unveiling of a new Robotics lab at a small company Maki often consulted with. Maki wondered if the Air Special Defense Forces did too, but the robot she’d examined the night she’d uncovered Nico Ni’s double life was the only one of its kind she’d heard of. And Eli had put discreet questions out but received no answers. Maki was having no success growing her own organoid brain, even at a small size.

Maki had decided casual was the ticket for tonight so tailored black trousers, her N-Zan, grey button down shirt, loose white tie, black vest. She and Nico had tried meeting for a meal -- pizza -- in a dive near Muse, when Nico had first returned to Tokyo, but it had been an awkward encounter, neither of them sure what they could safely discuss in public. It had also ended awkwardly, a quick kiss and a promise to meet again when their schedules cleared.

Which didn’t suit Maki at all. No 1 Idol and the rest of the Idol Fools had been painting regularly, but Maki had noticed an increase in curfew drones and police foot patrols in areas that had been hit by them. Which worried her.

Maki entered through a few photographers and reporters, nodding in their direction, but neither answering questions or smiling, as they expected. Next would be the colleagues excited by her latest breakthroughs in electrical transfer from skin photocells. Batteries for emergency only would leave more room for processing power. She and Eli had been working on a breakthrough for two years, but after seeing what was possible with organic brains, Maki had to fake her excitement. But it had led to her contract being renewed, a budget increase and the possibility of hiring another grad student, although the department had pushed her to hire one of the younger male grad students, preferably a married one. That had been the theme of Nico Ni’s last song, a slow, pulsing number, the joys of newlyweds under the cherry blossoms, which had led to Nico performing at every wedding Maki had been invited to recently. The wealthier families being able to hire the crazy popular Idol made both marriage and wealth seem more exciting to everyone looking on through their personal devices. Maki was really quite fed up with both wealth and marriage, although she did appreciate that her money made much of what Soldier Game did possible as she had provided the seed money for Eli’s investment portfolio.

Inside, someone had draped black fabric everywhere, lights shimmering against the folds, highlighting the textures. Seemed gloomy, but maybe that was just Maki’s mood. At least there would be dark corners and Maki could hide there. She grabbed a bottled seltzer water and slunk into the corner she’d decided on. Wait for the music to start, give it a few minutes, then find the founder, shake his hand and express her reluctant need to get back to her lab. It was a great plan. Maki had spent at least an hour going through the steps in her mind, including the slight nod when the demonic black eyes of Nico Ni glanced in her direction. As if she didn’t know her, as if she thought the eyes were actually black, as if she hadn’t been dreaming every night about…

Nope. That was a trap. Take a sip of water. Focus. Ignore everything below eye level. Until they simper.

“So the brilliant Professor can’t stop stalking the great Nico Ni?” Nico’s voice sounded even peakier than usual.

Maki took a long moment and looked down her nose at the singer, taken aback by a Nico shaped hole under a lace cage of deep blue lights. It was disconcerting, she heard Nico’s voice, but as her eyes struggled to find definition in Nico’s face, she could only sweep the contours and as her line of sight followed the line of Nico’s body down, and she was pretty sure some of the curves were padded, but there was nothing but depth. Maki shivered, a hand instinctively reaching out but as she connected with the light cage, Nico Ni hopped back, “No touching, Professor. You’ll break the illusion.”

“Sorry,” Maki grunted, pushing her hand into the wall behind her to contact something solid, her eyes still futilely attempting to make sense of Nico’s lips and nose, lost in the darkest black she’d ever seen.

There was silence, a hole between them as black and deep as whatever was obscuring every detail of Nico’s appearance. Nico fell back into character, leaning forward toward Maki, what might be an arm sweeping her finger to her lips, her voice a coquettish giggle, “Don’t tell anyone, but Nico Ni is debuting a new song later. About pretty girls.” Maki was glad she couldn’t see the wink. That was her cue to accuse Nico Ni of being simplistic or untalented or invasive. Her cue for disdain and disinterest. They’d done this same exchange too often recently and Maki didn’t have the drive for another round.

“I’m sure I’ll enjoy the performance.” Maki shrugged and went in search of the founder.

Nico frowned, startled out of character for a breath as she watched the redhead get further and farther away. “No fight left?” Nico muttered, uncertain. Then with a smile obscured by designed darkness, she swept back into the crowd, every awed comment, every intake of breath, every ‘Nico Ni’ shouted greeting fueling her for the upcoming performance. No time for worry.

Maki had left halfway through Nico Ni’s performance and headed to the dojo. She and Umi were trying to build an light array based on specs Hanayo had given them. Umi was also working a program to mimic the abilities and reactions of the organoid brain. Maki calculated that if they could find the right pattern, seizures could be triggered in the A-RIse bots, similar to how patterns effected epileptics. It would be a strategy to use against them, if necessary. Eli was working on sourcing parts for a Taser sized EMP device that could trigger a robot shutdown. Nico would probably refuse if Maki asked to borrow one to test it on. But that didn’t mean Maki wasn’t going to work from the data they’d gotten. Maki guessed Nico and the rest of the Idol Fools would let their paint cans idle tonight. It would probably take Nico far too long to get the body paint off to make any other activity practical.

Maki pulled up the main screen and did an automatic check for Soldier Game mentions and #sgame on TWIG. The social media chatter had been dropping; the government had had a bunch of bots pushing Nico Ni’s latest single and spreading the rumor that Soldier Game were government agents. Attendance at the last rave had dropped and Nozomi had passed a rumor on to Eli that there might be a raid at the next one.

Maki sighed and hearted the latest IdolFools image. They needed to talk about a way to pushback. Eli had started taking advice from Nozomi, but she thought they needed to be public figures, something not even Eli agreed with. And Umi was preparing for a trip to see Alisa. Maki was the only person lacking advice from someone significant in her life.

Her phone buzzed? She looked down. The encrypted weather app. A change in the Kyoto forecast. That meant Nico.

N: Where are you?

M: Working.

N: Nico is at your place. And you only have pizza. （●≧艸≦

M: Why are you at my place?

N: TO SEE YOU (ღ꒡ ᵌ꒡)⋆﹡♡⃛*⁎⋆(꒡ᵋ ꒡ღ)

M: I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Stay put.

N: ┗(^o^　)┓三

Maki pulled her hat down and tossed on a dark hoodie. Back into the tunnels. To see Nico. Her stomach fluttered a little as her pulse picked up. She hoped Nico had gotten out of that nightmare makeup. She had enough bad memories of the Idol’s ‘demon doll’ side.

Maki was surprised to find Nico calmly on her couch, wearing baggy cargo pants and an over sized sweatshirt. Her face had been scrubbed clean, but there were disconcerting slashes of dark on her neck that Maki kept staring at.

“You need to upgrade your makeup removal stash. Nico will give you a list.” Nico put down the book...one of Maki’s recent organic robotics purchases and leaned back, “Hey, genius.”

“I have a name.” Maki snapped.

“Professor Nishikino.”

Maki sighed and fell into the couch, “I missed you too, Lt. Colonel.”

Nico’s head was suddenly in Maki’s lap, Nico’s eyes literally holes in her head. Maki didn’t scream, that was a plus, although she did nearly bite through her lip.“Please, Nico-chan, take out your contacts.” Maki tried not to shiver, but Nico caught the movement away from her and bounced up immediately.

“Do you have anything that isn’t pizza?” Nico complained as she hurried into the half bath. Maki took a container out of her kangaroo pocket, “I picked you up some kind of rice dish from a street vendor.”

Nico leapt over the couch, kissed Maki and grabbed the box, “You are so worth it.”

“Worth what?” Maki kept staring at the paint slashes, which moved as Nico swallowed. Eerie.

“Sneaking out after curfew, fraternizing with enemies of the state, risking my career,” Nico turned, mid chew and winked, “And my heart.”

“You have one?” Maki doubled down on snarky and wished she hadn’t. This was a real chance to talk to, to be with Nico and here she was, back to blowing it. Nico raised an eyebrow and Maki saw another slash of dark under it. This looked like Nico had a tiny hole in her head. Tonight was a winner in the least favorite Nico Ni costume derby. “I’ll wait while you get out your stethoscope, Doc.” Nico waved her chopsticks toward Maki’s lab.

“I’m sorry.” Maki slid a little closer to Nico, “How’s the recovery from the A-Tak?”

“Nico hasn’t fallen in” Nico counted off something with the chopsticks, “Three weeks.”

Maki nodded, a little closer, her arm on the couch behind Nico. She watched as Nico picked up every last bit of rice and then neatly placed box and utensils on the table. Then Nico turned, “You look even better than I remember.”

So did Nico. Lips thankfully free of black paint, crimson eyes a mysterious, welcoming warmth. Maki could feel Nico so vividly, where her arm rested near the Idol’s back. Maki was 1000% sure there were important topics to discuss and lines to draw, but Nico wasn’t moving away and Maki just wanted to charge forward into a kiss. Touching Nico’s lips was a jolt, the first time Maki had been overwhelmed by the sensations that exploded, but this time woven into an even greater crash of sensations was the memories, the touches, the thrusts, the skin against skin contact that made every flinch, every twitch a wave. And Nico was moaning yes, and Maki barely heard a zipper through the cacophony in her ears and Nico was encouraging Maki to lift off her sweatshirt, then Maki’s lips were sliding down Nico’s tensing abdomen, her hands stroking up the dancer’s muscles that had always fascinated her, Nico crying Maki’s name and Maki suddenly desperately hungry for a new taste.

###

Couch again, Maki thought as she pulled Nico closer, before the blanket slipped off both of them. Not that Maki would have minded the view, but...not letting go of Nico while creating a warm space for snuggling seemed to be a higher priority to her instinctive reactions. Nico yawned and pecked a kiss on Maki’s cheek.

“Hey,” Nico wondered sleepily, “Where were you? The university’s further away than 10 minutes.”

“Top secret.” Maki murmured into Nico’s hair, “No one knows.”

Nico flipped so she was lying on top of Maki, her eyes full of the impish glee that had charmed Maki through the computer screen, “I can find it.”

“Ha!” Maki shook her head. Nico pressed her lips together, dragged an extremely distracting hand along Maki’s ribs and dropped her head to whisper, “Bet I can” into Maki’s ear, triggering shivers.

“No.” Maki managed to get out.

“No?” Nico pulled back, quirking an eyebrow.

“Won’t find it….” Maki was finding hard to get words out as Nico’s hands ranged lower, taking their time over her curves.

Maki kicked the blanket off and Nico laughed, “Getting hot?”Nico hovered over Maki’s lips, barely brushing kisses against them. WIth a moan, Maki wrapped her arms around Nico, forcing the Idol even closer.

“I think that’s a yes,” Nico whispered as her hand skimmed over Maki’s breasts and Maki gasped, nodding, her legs hooking around Nico’s as momentum took more than the blanket to the floor.

###

Nico and Maki were sitting, backs against the couch, pizza shared between them, blanket wrapped around them, speakers playing jazz.

“How’s the Soldier Game business?” Nico popped the tab on a cold coffee.

Maki frowned, finishing her slice of pizza, “Not as much traffic; government spreading rumors that we’re government agents. We’re trying to figure out a strategy to ‘retake a defensible position, ‘to quote Umi.”

“Give the people what they want.” Nico stated simply.

Maki turned, ignoring the blanket that fell off her shoulder, enjoying Nico’s inability not to stare, “And what do the people want?”

Nico’s finger traced a gentle line across Maki’s nearest shoulder, tapping lightly up her neck, “The people want sexy.”

“Sexy? But we’re anonymous…” Maki looked confused.

“So? You don’t need pictures. Music can be sexy. Haven’t you heard Nico’s latest?” Nico stared at Maki for a long moment and when no response was given, she shrugged and continued, “Nico will forgive you. It’s capital S, triple XXX, kiss the girl hard, SeXXXy. Kind winds don’t really blow the clothes off girls.”

Maki had recovered and her eyebrow went to war, raising archly to eloquently express doubt, “I don’t see yours.”

Nico roared with laughter, then kissed Maki hard enough to scramble Maki’s next thought, which was fine with Nico, “See, sexxxy. Spice up your music. Give the cute girls what they want.”

Maki growled, as she moved into Nico, “And what do you want?”

“There’s the sexy,” Nico bopped Maki on the nose, causing the redhead to sit up,”Growl like a...panther, prowl...visualize.” Nico gestured at herself, then slid the blanket off her shoulder, “You don’t get to see this much of the Number One Idol in the universe without some game.”

Nico was giggling. Maki sighed and leaned back.

“What’s wrong?”

“You have no sense of mood.”

“Nico Ni knows mood.”

“Nico Ni knows nothing.”

Nico pulled Maki in, kissing her so long and with so much weight that the redhead was breathless and panting and leaning forward for more, “Nico knows Maki will remember this.”

Maki didn’t want to let Nico win, while at the same time desperately wanting Nico’s kiss. Nico took advantage of her internal argument to once again advance, her caresses expertly deployed to melt Maki into a shivering mess.

“...want...No 1….Lt….Col...Yaza...you...,” Maki managed to get out amid mostly animal noises.

Nico’s laugh was a cold contrast to the warmth her hands were driving straight through Maki’s legs, “I bet I can have you singing my latest song. I know you listened to it.”And all senses surrendered before Lt. Colonel Yazawa’s bold sweeps. No treaties were signed.

THE MORNING AFTER

Fortunately, Maki did not have an 8 am class scheduled so sleeping in after Nico left at dawn was not a problem. There was a department meeting at 3 so Maki headed in early to clear out her email and prepare. A woman, dressed in more business like attire than the usual student wear, was pacing outside her office.

“Hello?” Maki greeted her visitor.

“Doctor Nishikino?” The woman’s voice had a lovely, musical lilt but everything else about her screamed razor sharp professional edge.

“Can I help you?” Maki tapped out her passcode, puzzled.

“Did you receive Doctor Amago’s message?”

Maki shrugged, “I had family business this morning and haven’t checked anything.”

The woman shook her head and followed Maki into her office, uninvited. Maki sat behind her desk, typed in her password and waited.

“If you had read Dr. Amago’s message, you would have expected me.’

“I am sorry if my being unprepared is causing a delay in your day.” Maki bowed her head slightly, monitoring the tone of her voice closely, “Can we reschedule for another time?”

The woman shook her head, still standing. “I am Inoue Kiku, departmental assistant for media relations.”

Maki realized the woman frowning at her was her link to the media, the Ms. Inoue who passed on all the requests for interviews.

“Dr. Amago has asked me to pass on a directive that the government had given to him.” Inoue linked her hands behind her back, light eyes boring into Maki’s. “For such a high profile department, working so closely with military suppliers, the government requests that you hire an assistant who is both male and married.”

“W...what...why?” Maki half rose from her chair, hands clenching.

“While we acknowledge that Ayase-san’s work has met the requirements of the position, we feel that two women at the head of our premier robotics efforts sends the wrong message.”

Maki stood, hands shoved into her desk to channel some of the flaring rage she felt, but any comments she thought crashed into her faltering mental filter so she just stared into Inoue’s expressionless eyes, mouth slightly open.

“Ayase-san will be moved to another, less visible department.” Inoue stated.

Maki shook herself, “I am not firing my assistant and replacing her with a random male. Does the university demand any level of talent or skill or experience of this imaginary male?

Inoue didn’t back down, even as Maki’s voice gathered force, “The government representative I spoke to was not concerned about that. We would pre…:

Maki inhaled and drew herself up, briskly cutting off Inoue, “I don’t care. I am not replacing Ayase-san. Her work is excellent. Please inform Dr. Amago of my decision. Should another research assistant slot open up, I will certainly consider his advice, but my main concern is the quality of the work being done. That will not change.”

“Your status does not make your position more secure, Dr. Nishikino.”

“Thank you for sharing your belief, Inoue-san. Please leave my office. I need to catch up on my correspondence.”

Inoue shut the door behind her and Maki fell back into her chair, all the post night with Nico jaunty replaced with worry for Eli and frustration with a government that had decided, once again, to put women in secondary positions. Eli’s partial Russian heritage heightened the probability that the department would not stop pushing until they’d found a way to replace her with a ‘definitive picture of traditional Japan.” Maki needed to install a speed bag here as well, especially if the government was planning to use her to further its agenda. How did Nico manage? Maki closed her laptop. Quick walk was a better use of her pre meeting time. She didn’t really want to think about the choices Nico made daily and the message Nico was promoting. Maki had been able to float a little above the fray, buffered by circumstances and money, but now she could feel the ground shift, about to tilt her into the messy middle of the fight.

###

Nico entered the offices. Sergeant Takeda saluted, “He wants to see you.”

Nico nodded, stepping quickly into Komura’s office.

“Yazawa.” Komura was sorting through papers.“Sir?”

“Phase Three is approaching and we are being ordered to develop new public outreach strategies. There’s a meeting in two hours with the rest of the team. Your “find a new songwriter” suggestion was a big success and a commendation has been posted in your file, but I want at least three more usable ideas from you.” Komura met Nico’s eyes, grim, “There are elements pushing back and we need to counter their efforts.”

Soldier Game, Nico thought to herself, and Maki had insisted that their numbers were lacking, but Nico couldn’t think of anyone else out there pushing counter propaganda. Well, the Idol Fools, but...

“Is there anything in particular going on, sir?” Nico was surprised that she asked, and recovered, “so I know where are our efforts are weak?”

Komura stood, clapping Nico on the shoulder, “You’re a loyal airman, Yazawa. I respect that.” He sighed, “Mostly foreign influences, celebrity postings on TWIG, a podcast and a few Japanese artists, some of whom are anonymous. We’ll be discrediting the public figures, but we need some high voltage celebrity presence ourselves.”

Nico nodded, good soldier Nico time. A strategy to boost Nico Ni’s image had flashed in her mind immediately, but she wasn’t going to enjoy it and she was willing to bet a certain temperamental roboticist would hate it.

“I’m on it, sir.”

“Good. Two hours, Yazawa, use them well.”

Nico saluted, thoughts pinballing between opposite worlds and incompatible needs.

INTERLUDE

Eli was always surprised at how quickly Muse had become a second home and how comfortable she had gotten with Nozomi. It was still disconcerting when Nozomi would fix Eli with an intense stare and insist Eli pull a card from her Tarot deck. The last had been a Two of Rods, with Nozomi insisting that Eli was preparing for a journey, to which Eli’s reply had been that she’d pulled Umi’s fortune by accident. And had then sat through a lecture on how the cards did not tell fortunes, they provided guidance. Considering how Nozomi’s turquoise eyes had twinkled and Eli’s reward after, Eli was willing to learn more about Tarot any time Nozomi was willing. Eli was willing to learn more about anything any time Nozomi was willing.

They were upstairs, in Nozomi’s room, jammed between the Idol Fools workspace and Kotori’s fabric and clothing storage. Eli was lounging on the bed in a open shirt while Nozomi puttered in the kitchen, making tea, in a sarong and bra.

“Is there always this chemical smell?” Eli wondered.

“Sorry. I’ll open a window. They must be trying a new paint formula. They mask the profile with smells the drones won’t track, mostly spices.”

“So that’s why I get a curry craving whenever Honoka and Rin hug me.” Eli yawned and laid back.

Nozomi giggled, “What kind of tea do you want?”

“You.” Eli propped herself up on an elbow, her best come-hither grin aimed right at Nozomi.

Nozomi shook her head, “Chamomile it is.” After pouring water into the kettle, she sat on the side of the bed, taking one of Eli’s hands in hers, “I need to talk to you, Eli-chi.”

Eli immediately pulled Nozomi in for a hug, worry replacing any other thoughts, “What’s wrong?”

“Honoka and Rin found three more teens who were kicked out by their families.” Nozomi said, softly, her head pressed into Eli’s shoulders as the blonde tightened her hold, “We’ve almost got a safe place set up for them, but we need a little more help…”

“What do you need?” Eli’s organizational skills readied to receive a list

“Money, food, clothes….They had the clothes on their back and two kept their phones.”

Eli kissed the top of Nozomi’s head, blue eyes earnest, “I don’t have much, but I’ll talk to Maki.”

Nozomi shook her head, “No, Eli-chi, what they need is Soldier Game. We need to reach out to as many people as we can. We’re going to need more safe spaces and to tell people how to find them.”

Of course, Soldier Game. Eli blushed a little, embarrassed at her misunderstanding of Nozomi’s intent. Nozomi tilted her head, watching as Eli looked shyly away and took the blonde’s hand again, “You are a wonder, Eli-chi. You care and do so much. It’s what I love most about you.”

Eli raised her head, amazed as she heard Nozomi’s words repeat in her head. And then before she could stutter out a response, Nozomi’s lips reinforced the message they’d just breathed out.

###

"Flow like the waves until dawn breaks My feelings swirl more violently than usual And I feel as though I could fall apart completely

Should I sleep? The moon eventually grows light A gentle dream falls upon my chest

With this clichéd sadness and clichéd pain, I barely hold back tears and watch the stars They shine brighter than usual, and seem to fall As they quietly illuminate me…"

Greetings! That was our newest song "Arifureta Kanashimi no Hate". Ballet Twist here wishing you gentle dreams. But some of us are facing rather harsh realities and so we’re here tonight with a request from the IdolFools and new friend CupQueen, who are finding safe spaces for those turned out and turned against by families, landlords and friends. Next tunnel rave, three days from now, please bring an item that would get you through a dark night. We have to help each other. Code word is star watching; you’ll get the usual text. And watch the clubs for a Minalisky appearance; Love Arrow has heard they’ve been really restless lately and looking to burn up a dance floor ENBY style ‘til they close down the club.

On a brighter note, two newer and gayer episodes of Dynamic Leadership Rescue Force have been given the RAY treatment, redubbed for your virtual pleasure. Strap into our VRLock and see what Captain Sasaki and Dr. Tora have discovered on the Shadow Planet.

And now, our resident street medic, Diamond Princess, has recorded some tips for taking care of yourself out in the wild. Listen up. We got your back, hoods and g-skis, but you have to stay safe ‘til we can get you to help.

“DATING” Maki yelled. Eli and Umi looked up from the light array they were working on. Maki was hovering over a Yazawa Nico oddly lacking confidence.

Nico muttered, head down, Maki leaned down, Nico reached a hand out to Maki’s cheek, Maki stepped back and turned on her heel.

Eli and Umi exchanged a glance, as they caught the look on Maki’s face, sullen and scared. “Come upstairs, Eli. Alisa texted me some new photos of her latest eaglet.” Umi grabbed Eli’s arm, both doing their best to ignore the other two in the bunker.

“Maki…” Maki’s eyes were tearing and Eli hesitated, not certain what would be best to say. Nico’s head was still down, hands shoved deep in her pockets, “We’ll be upstairs when you’re done.”

Maki nodded. After Eli and Umi left, Nico came up gently behind her lover and looped both arms around Maki’s waist, “It’s not really dating and I don’t like it either, Maki.”

“I hate it.” Maki spat.

Nico leaned her head into Maki, “How can you…?”

“I have a job.” Nico said quietly.

“D..did Komura think this up? Because…” Maki began, fists clenched and started to press into her thighs.

“I did.” Nico’s voice was so soft Maki couldn’t believe she’d actually heard Nico correctly. “It was my idea.”

Maki turned, Nico’s arms still around her, amethyst eyes open and lost, “Nico-chan?”

Nico swallowed and then blew out a long breath, “After I saw you last, Komura told me our superiors wanted us to develop pushback strategies against things like Soldier Game. Having Nico Ni make public appearances with high profile athletes and celebrities was my suggestion.”

“Why? Do you want to?” Maki felt as if she were going to fall and Nico seemed to sense the sag in energy because she moved them both to a chair, sitting across Maki, arms around the redhead’s neck, one hand playing idly with curls of hair.

“No. And nothing will happen. But I have a job. And I want to do it well. And I don’t want anyone looking for reasons I might be disloyal.” I don’t want them looking for you, Nico thought as she took one of Maki’s hands, brought it to her lips and kissed the palm, “I won’t lie to you, Maki. But there’s some things I can’t tell you right now. You just have to trust me.”

Maki knew Nico was trying to distract her by letting her lips slowly move from palm to wrist to forearm, but she was too detached to notice the gentle pressure. “Nico-chan.” Maki’s tone commanded Nico’s attention and the ruby eyes blinked up at her, mischief clouded by worry.

Nico let Maki’s arm drop and put both her hands on Maki’s cheeks, ensuring that their eyes stayed locked on each other, “I want you. So much. Only you. Nico never imagined feeling like this when I was 18 and they said, “Hey Nico Ni, sign up here for ten years and be an idol.” Nico frowned, “I never imagined anyone as amazing as you in my life, Maki-chan.” Nico kissed Maki, lips desperately twisting to break through the barrier Maki’s stiffness was building around her heart. ”Please trust me. It’ll be like spending time with my little brother for Nico. People will mostly care about seeing posts on TWIG. I won’t care at all.”

Maki sniffled as Nico licked away tears rolling down her face, “I hate this, Nico-chan.”

Nico kissed Maki’s cheek softly before replying, “I know. But I can’t just quit.”

Silence. Both of them staring ahead, no future to be seen, wondering if the other’s was darker. Maki could feel Nico, so close, so much brighter and warmer than any tomorrow she could see. Nico would be with other people, talking, laughing, maybe kissing, maybe…

Nico’s eyes were serious, as if she were reading Maki’s mind, “I won’t.”

Maki had no words, but her hands grabbed the back of Nico’s head and pulled the Idol in for a deep, yielding kiss, any self control Nico might have had dashed by the sudden softness inviting her in, Maki’s whispers encouraging her to prove how much Maki would haunt her thoughts, pushing Nico deeper into the swell of need surging between them, into an intensity of emotion Nico was not prepared for, but there was Maki’s voice, the movement under Nico’s hands, the fingers gliding shivers across Nico’s back. Nico pulled back, staring into trust and warmth and confusion, taking a breath to regain control.

“N...Nico-chan?” And that breath became a hiss as Maki touched a hesitant finger to Nico’s underlip.

Another surge, another kiss, another second became an eternity for Nico, “I love you, Maki-chan.” And then Nico ensured that neither of them said anything else, so she didn’t have to think about what “I love you” meant or hear a response that would lead to a court martial. A moan, a cry, a plea, she knew how to handle those.

[elleberquist6]

Believe in Me - chapter thirty-three

Summary: Dan Howell is living at home while he’s saving money for college, which isn’t easy since his parents don’t understand him. Unlike them, he loves dogs, is a vegetarian, has no interest in the family business, and he despises the supernatural. He struggles to accept things that are illogical, even though he is a kitsune. Kitsune are foxes whose powers involve the ability to cast illusions, but Dan just wants to be normal. Phil Lester has just moved to London, where he works as a dog walker. When his path crosses with Dan, Phil is eager to get to know him. Unfortunately, Phil soon finds that being friends with Dan is far more complicated than he could have imagined.

Rating: Mature Word Count: 2024 Warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Smut

—

From My Girlfriend Is A Nine-Tailed Fox [Korean Drama]: Mi-ho: I can see really far and hear very well, but since I can’t see or hear you, you must really be far away. I’ve been living for so long that I didn’t know how time flowed, but after I met you my heart began to tell time. While I was with you, I would think, ‘Just a little longer’ while the time passed really quickly. But without you, time goes so slowly as I think, ‘I miss you.’ You know what? It feels like my heart has been bewitched by you and counts time all on its own.   [https://asiandramaquotes.wordpress.com/index/my-girlfriend-is-a-nine-tailed-fox-quotes/]

Phil helped Dan to his bedroom in the funeral home and pulled the covers up to his chin. Dan sighed happily as he settled into bed for a nap before dinnertime. “Sorry,” Dan said. “I don’t know why I’m so tired.”

Phil frowned, since he knew. As he saw the exhaustion on Dan’s face, the watch hanging around his neck felt heavy. Dan could have died today. When they decided that it was a good idea for Dan to become human, neither of them had known the risks involved. It wasn’t worth it if Dan got hurt like this, so Phil asked, “Dan, would you like me to give you your watch back?”

Dan’s eyes opened wide. “What do you mean? Are you offering me my hoshi no tama? No, it’s only been a day.”

“It’s just… it’s the source of your power. You’re weak right now. If you hold onto it, you’ll get stronger faster,” he offered, omitting the fact for now that Dan could die if he tried to cast an illusion. He would make sure that Dan was aware of that later, but at the moment he just looked so tired.

Dan shook his head and closed his eyes. “You hold onto it. I want to be human and I don’t want to wait longer.”

Phil sighed and ran his fingers through the softness of Dan’s hair. “Okay. You get some rest. I’m going to see if your grandma is around. I’d like to talk to her.”

After leaving Dan in his room, Phil found Elspeth in the kitchen, icing some cookies that she had just baked. She put the piping bag down on the counter when he walked in as she smiled at him.

Elspeth offered him one of the finished cookies, which was decorated with a pink flower. “It’s good to see you, Phil. Will you be staying for dinner?”

Phil nodded as he accepted the cookie. “I think so, unless Dan wants to do something else.” He took a nibble of the cookie and made an appreciative noise. “This is very good. Thank you.”

Her grin widened as she returned to icing her cookies. “You’re welcome. So, how has my grandson been doing? I haven’t seen much of him since his birthday.”

Taking advantage of an excuse to pause before answering, Phil took a large bite of the cookie while he organized his thoughts. When he swallowed, he admitted to her, “He hasn’t been good. We figured out that he’s a nogitsune, and he’s been having a rough week. It… kind of took over. He even quit his job. He’s…”

Elspeth sighed and gave up on her cookies. “I was afraid that something like this would happen. At least he’s in a better situation than his brother, but… oh, my poor Dan. He’s such an independent boy. I don’t know how he’s going to handle this, having something inside of him that is compromising his free will and influencing him. I wish that I could do something to help.”

Phil bit his lip in a moment of hesitation, but this was what he wanted to ask Elspeth about – he was just afraid that she was going to tell him that he had done the wrong thing. “I, um… Dan and I already came up with an idea. We read about hoshi no tama and how Dan could use his to become human.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, Phil, that’s—”

“Not going to happen,” someone interrupted.

Phil and Elspeth both jumped as they turned to see Dan’s mum in the doorway to the kitchen. Her hands were fisted at her sides and she was breathing heavily. Elspeth sighed as she said, “Trudy, be reasonable.”

Trudy shook her head so fast that her neck popped. Her glare shifted between Elspeth and Phil until it settled on Phil, and he had to resist the urge to cringe. “My son is not going to become human,” she said in a hard voice. “He wouldn’t want to become human, so just forget this plan of yours. He’s going to be a fox like the rest of his family.”

“But…” Phil stammered. “He wants to be human.”

She gaped at him for a moment before closing her mouth. “Is he in his room right now?”

Phil’s stomach sank as he realized what he just did; he’d turned Dan’s mum’s wrath on him. “Um, wait. He’s taking a nap. Please let him rest. We can talk about this for now.”

“Talk? To you?” She snorted before turning in the doorway with a flick of dark brown hair. As she turned the corner, he heard her shout, “Daniel James Howell, you wake up right now!”

Phil shifted wide eyes to Elspeth. “Can you do anything about this?”

She shook her head. “I’m going to stay out of it. There’s no reasoning with Trudy when she gets like this.”

This was his fault, so he couldn’t stay out of it, not when Dan needed him. Phil followed the path that Dan’s mum took to his bedroom and stopped in the doorway to take in the scene. Dan was still in bed. He was sitting up now, looking stunned as his mouth hung slightly open. It seemed like his brain hadn’t quite caught up with this moment and he didn’t understand why his mother had burst into his room to yell at him.

Dan’s mum was standing at the foot of his bed with her hands on her hips, as she shouted, “What is this I hear? Where is your hoshi no tama? Tell me that this boy is lying. You can’t possibly want to be human. You aren’t that stupid.”

“How is it stupid?” Dan asked in a small voice.

“You’re going to change what you are for a man?” she snorted. “That sounds pretty stupid to me.”

Dan didn’t show any reaction to this accusation, but Phil cringed because he had never wanted to be in a relationship like that: a relationship where one person forces the other to change into something else. That wasn’t what he was doing to Dan, was it?

Dan’s eyes flicked to Phil. He had noticed Phil in the doorway, though his mum hadn’t yet. Dan said, “Phil isn’t trying to change me.”

“Yes, he is,” his mum insisted. “He’s forcing you to give up the most important part of yourself. If you become human, you will lose the only thing that makes you special.”

The words sent a shock through Phil because she was wrong. So wrong. “No,” he said, drawing her attention to him. “You really don’t know him that well, do you? The fact that he’s a kitsune is the least special thing about him.” His words were met with a smile from Dan and a glare from Dan’s mum. Phil accepted the fact that she was always going to hate him. He wasn’t too fond of her either as he realized something. “You’re the one who tore the pages out of that book in the library, aren’t you? You knew that Dan would want this, so you tried to stop him from finding out about it.”

She turned away from him, ignoring him as she glared at Dan again. “So, you’re doing this? You’re going to become a human?”

Dan swallowed heavily before nodding.

“Then get out,” she said in a cold voice. “If you’re too good to be a fox, then you wouldn’t want to live with us.”

“Mum, it’s not like that,” he whispered as he shook his head. “I don’t think I’m better than anyone. I’ve been different since my birthday. I just want to feel like me again. I—”

“I’m your mother,” she cut him off. Her voice had softened, but only a bit. “I know you better than anyone else, so listen to me when I tell you something: right now, you are who you are supposed to be. Don’t do this, Daniel. You will regret it.”

Dan bit his lip and didn’t respond to her.

“So, you’re going to do it anyway?” she asked with a shake of her head. The glint in her eyes showed that she wasn’t surprised, but she was disappointed. “Then get out of my house. You’re not doing this under my roof.”

Dan shook his head. He was breathing heavily. “Mum, you don’t mean that.”

“I do,” she said in an icy voice. “I gave birth to a kitsune, not a human. You’re not my son anymore if you do this. Pack your bags. I don’t want to see you again.”

Trudy turned to leave the room pausing only for a moment in the doorway as she met Phil’s eyes. Her eyes were blazing with fury, but her lips twisted with a smirk. The sight sent a chill down Phil’s spine; it was the worst kind of smile, like she was finding dark amusement at the sight of a tragedy. “I don’t know my son, you say?” she asked in a cold voice.

Phil swallowed heavily.

“Mum, leave him alone,” Dan said behind her. He started to try to climb out of bed, but his limbs were still sluggish with exhaustion, and his feet became tangled in his sheets.

Trudy ignored her son as she said to Phil, “Well, maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t know him very well, but I know the fox. And that’s why you’re the one who is wrong. So wrong, Phil, because you should have gotten to know the fox before you decided to do this. I know it would kill my son if something happened to you, and you have no idea what you’re up against. I hope you learn before it’s too late. I’m not saying this as a threat. I really hope you do.”

Phil didn’t want her words to be true, so he shook his head in denial.

She sighed in exasperation and her shoulder collided with his as she stormed out of the room. Phil stumbled a step back after the collision, but barely noticed as he saw the tears spilling from Dan’s eyes. Phil ran to him, sat on the bed beside him, and wrapped his arms around Dan’s shaking body. “Shhh, shhh.” Phil tried to soothe him as he rubbed soft circles against Dan’s back. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

Dan shook his head. “No, it’s not. My home… Where am I going to go?”

“Well, that’s simple, isn’t it?” Phil said, noticing when Dan became very still in his arms.

Dan held his breath for a moment before asking, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I think so. This is my fault that you’re being forced to leave your home. So, come live with me.”

Dan pulled out of the hug with a frown. He ran his fingers through his hair, absentmindedly mussing his curls. “Um, Phil… I know you’re not just my boyfriend. You’re my best friend, too. Usually I love that we’re friends, but you just asked me to live with you like a friend would. And it bothered me. Does that make sense? I’m sorry, but this is an important moment, and I…”

Phil leaned forward to kiss Dan. While their lips were connected he combed his fingers through Dan’s hair, wanting to make everything better. As they pulled apart, Phil said, “Dan, I love you. Please come live with me. I always want us to be together.”

Dan nodded before pressing their foreheads together. “Thank you. I love you, too.”

[surveysonfleek]

478.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 22

2001. Can you believe that we have only gotten through two fifths of this survey so far? i guess. it’s taking forever lol. 2002. What is your opinion of Dave Coulier? no opinion, i just remember him as the comedian on full house. 2003. If you were to a write a Choose Your Own Adventure book, what would it be about? a mystery. gone girl style. 2004. What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift store? an analog camera i bought last minute for a project at uni years ago. oh and board games lol. 2005. What do you not have enough money for right now? a vacation.

2006. Do you believe that Teras for Fears were right when they said, "Everybody wants to rule the world?" not really. some people are happy conforming. 2007. What is the design on your beach towel? pink stripes. 2008. What stirs something deep and animalistic inside you? i get really shitty easily at rude people. 2009. Have you ever cross dressed (even as a joke)? nope. 2010. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it? probably. i’ve always wanted those rainbow nike vapormaxes but i’ll never get them, they were limited edition. 2011. What would be the worst object for a child to take on a long car ride with you? any musical instrument. 2012. What's the Best Beatles song in your opinion? i don’t have a fave. 2013. Why do you suppose that diary sites are more popular with females than males? i don’t think they’re popular at all now. 2014. What do these color combinations remind you of: orange and pink: summer. pink and green: watermelon. green and gold: australia. purple and gold: lakers. gold and red: a throne. red and white: where’s wally. blue and grey: the ocean. 2015. What is one selfish thing you tend to do? make everyone i love drive me around. i hate driving. 2016. When do you think technology will catch up with the Jetson's? possibly within my lifetime. 2017. What made you laugh today? people at work. 2018. Do you ever stick your entries in any of the diary circles? no. 2019. Can you freestyle rap? no. 2020. Are you: stylish? not really. shiek? chic? nah. smart? i’d like to think so. 2021. Do you find you self only buying brand name products? i do but not all the time. i’m the type of person that likes to try all brands and see what works for me. 2022. Would you ever want to buy an article of clothing or an acessory because you saw a celebrity wear it? yeah. 2023. What song do you feel the sexiest dancing to? pony - ginuwine haha. 2024. Who do you know who looks silly when they dance? my boyfriend’s brother. 2025. Sweaty sex or clean sex? both. 2026. Which is more important to you: being kind or being right? being kind, but only to people that deserve it. 2027. Can you do any special dances like swing, tap, or ballroom? nope. 2028. Are you scared of monsters? no. 2029. Who would you like to remind people of? no one. 2030. Do you walk to school or do you bring your lunch? i don’t go to school. 2031. Rate your skills from one to ten (10 = you are the best at it): socializing: 7. making friends: 6 unless i force myself to be more social. working with computers: 6. arts: 5. crafts: 5. depends what it is. dancing: 3. skating: 1. talking other people into things: 9. writing: 3. living life to the fullest each day: 3. cooking: 5. gardening: 1. cleaning up after yourself: 7. playing poker: 7. surviving in the woods: 1. managing your time: 9. attracting the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer)? 2. 2032. Have you ever been to an indian reservation? no. 2033. What is going to happen tommorrow that you can celebrate, even if it's a little thing? it’s halloween tomorrow. i won’t be celebrating though. 2034. Do you save things for special occasions or is everyday a special occasion? i save things. 2035. What is one thing you are terrible at: saving. 2036. What's your favorite: rap song: money ain’t a thing: jermaine dupri and jay z. country song: idk. industrial song: idk. cover song: all i ask (adele cover): bruno mars. punk song: i’m real: the starting line. odd song: bodak yellow: cardi b haha. 2037. What do you get your teacher or your boss for the holidays? nothing. 2038. Do you like to read books by Virgina Wolfe? never read any. 2039. What is your favorite tv show from when you were a kid? arthur. 2040. What is now proved was once only imagined. - William Blake. What do you imagine? the future. 2041. What has been passed down through at least two generations to you? a gold necklace. 2042. Do we live in a particularly bad age for romance? not really. 2043. Have you ever cheated on someone? no. Do you believe that once someone is a cheater they can never be trusted? in my mind, yes. 2044. Have you ever gone: christmas caroling? no. pumpkin picking? no. on a hay wagon ride? no. on a romantic valentine's day date? yes. to a new year's eve party? yes. to a memorial day parade? no. to the Macy's thanksgiving day parade? no. to search for gold coins on st patrick's day? no. 2045. Have you ever done any modeling? no. 2046. Would you consider yourself to be psychologically damaged? no. 2047. How aware are you of the reasons behind your actions and words? pretty aware. 2048. What is the sickest you ever drank or drugged yourself? i haven’t had any really bad experiences tbh. it’s always a shitty time when i’ve thrown up from alcohol but i’ve never blacked out. 2049. Would you prefer it if clothing was optional? no lol. 2050. What is one interesting fact about you: i collect nail polish and perfume. 2051. Are more people depressed because they are alone, or are more people alone because they are depressed? the first. some people could be surrounded by a lot of people and still be depressed. 2052. Have you ever gotten a mug, t-shirt, key chain, etc. that was personalized with your picture? yes a key chain haha. oh and my uncle made me a t shirt with my face on it hahaha. 2053. What was the last thing that you experienced for the first time? i honestly can’t think. 2054. If you were going to die tomorrow and you were leaving a postcard for someone to read after you were gone what would it say? not sure. probably just saying how much i appreciate them and to pass messages to other people i care about. 2055. If you were about to be executed what would your last request be? hug my family and boyfriend. 2056. What kinds of people do you find intimidating? people with power i guess. 2057. How much conviction do you have in your feelings and beliefs? quite a bit. 2058. In your house where is the: crazy glue? the cupboard above the fridge. flashlight? same ^ 2059. Out of everyone you know who has the most personality? ahmad. 2060. If you could go back in time to experience a musical movement or era, which one would you choose to live through? jazz. i don’t listen to jazz but i think it would be cool to live through its birth. 2061. Do you suffocate people with your love? not enough. 2062. Do you feel your life is charmed? no. 2063. What character do you identify the most with from Winnie the Pooh? eeyore haha. 2064. When do you do your best thinking? just before i sleep. 2065. What motivates you? nothing right now. 2066. Look back at all the people you've dated. Has there been a pattern? no. 2067. Things change but what will always remain the same for you? my personality i think. 2068. Is divorce something you would ever consider or do you feel that marriage is permanantly binding? if the marriage is that bad i would consider it. 2069. What's the strangest movie you ever saw? idk. 2070. If you could go into virtual reality and set up your life there to be perfect and it would seem real but not be real would you trade your life now for the virtual life? no. 2071. Does it seem like life is more difficult for you than for anyone else? no. 2072. What are you grateful for? everything i have. 2073. What was a choice that you didn't want to make but you had to? idk. 2074. Have you ever had dental surgery? no. 2075. At what point exactly are you grown up? when you start having actual responsibilities and do things without people’s help. 2076. If there was a weightloss procedure that would destroy your ability to taste food so you wouldn't be tempted by junk food, would you have it done? no thanks. i love food. 2077. What is one thing that happened that you never expected? idk. 2078. If you called one of your friends and they said "It's nothing personal but I don't want to talk to anyone right now," would you take it personally? i wouldn’t, but i’d be really concerned as to why they’d say that and offer help. 2079. What is your favorite girl's name? sierra. 2080. Do you ever feel guilty for being more fortunate than others? yes and no. i’m happy to help anyone that needs it. 2081. If you had to wear a shirt with one word on it for a year, what word would you choose? hi. lol. 2082. What is evian spelled backwards? naive duh. 2083. You drop 10 pounds of feathers and a ten pound bowling ball off the top of the same building. Which will hit the ground first? both, they weigh the same. 2084. Even though you may never get what you want, are you happy because you're trying? i’m not trying though. if i was then yeah i’d be happy. 2085. If you started a petition what would it be about? idk. 2086. When was the last time you asked someone to do something and they said no? idk. 2087. Do bad things happen to you on friday the 13th? not that i know of. 2088. What's your favorite: Madonna song? like a prayer. John Lennon song? none. Michael Jackson song? you are not alone. Doors song? idk. Rolling Stones song? idk. David Bowie song? idk. Elvis song? idk. 2089. If you had started a relationship with someone and they said that it would be best if no one knew about it just to see how it goes, would you be offended? it depends on our situation. if we were on the same level, i wouldn’t be offended. 2090. Do you know any self defence? i did karate as a kid but i forgot everything. How about CPR? nope. i should really learn. 2091. If you had to look into a mirror and see your naked soul stripped of all delusions and pretenses (Never ending Story style)could you handle it? no. 2092. Are you a genius? no. 2093. How did you find out that Santa Clause wasn't real? i got a letter from ‘him’ and the handwriting was the same as my mum’s lol. 2094. Which is your favorite tarot card? idk. 2095. Does the internet seperate people or connect them? both. 2096. Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? no. 2097. Does pain and fear make you feel alive? eh, i wouldn’t pinpoint it to that. 2098. Are you: good looking? i wish. thin? no. happy? sometimes. successful? no. confident? no. 2099. Are you decisive or wishy washy? in between. 2100. Do you feel pop stars should be morally responsible to set a good example for their fans? it’s nice but they shouldn’t be obliged to. we’re all human.