#applications for the course i want open up. and i don't know how to do that. the more i think abt it today the more dropping out feels

[40steps]

hey i’m a mutual who dropped out in 7th grade and i just want u to know that things will be ok. i’m going back to school this year and like you can just stop either temporarily or permanently. i promise u it will be ok

:((( thank u so much this means a lot to hear . my plan has been to drop out for like two years at this point but i never really expected it to feel this much like a huge change even though it was always going to be. and my mother asked me if i just wanted to drop out when i told her i didn't want to go in today and it's sent me on a downward spiral. sorry for putting this on your dash board whoever is online and whoever saw it.

[zweiginator]

omg escort!reader and divorced!art is so well written you are an artist… i need to know what happens when she gets back from hiatus🫢 maybe she is taught to not reveal too much personal stuff but art is just so desperate and lonely that she caves… maybe she gives him the most intimate and passionate blowjob of his life and he’s so pathetic because he hadn’t gotten his dick sucked in like two years and it’s so good that maaaaybe he cries a little…

art calls one more time, exactly a week after his first one. he asks politely to the woman on the other end, your boss--is she back yet?

and just by the breathy desperation in art's voice, she knows who is calling. who he wants so badly.

"look--she'll give you a call when she comes back. i'm not sure when that is. you may hear from her before i even do. are you sure you don't want to book a session with another girl in the meantime?" she explains that there's another girl who looks a little like you.

"that won't be necessary." art takes a sip of his gin and tonic. "i'll wait for her."

she sighs, lets it go. tells art to have a good night and art wishes her the same. but his head sinks into the pillow, the bitter curl of gin still on his tongue and he wonders where you are.

three days later you come back. your boss had flagged you down when you came in to talk money with some of the other higher-ups.

"hey, a client of yours called a couple times while you were out."

you plunge the applicator of your lip gloss back into the sticky tube.

"really? who?"

"guy named art, i think he said. sounded like you really made a lasting impression."

art. of course you remember him. dirty blond hair with salted white strands around the crown of his head. sunken in eyes that turned boyish when he smiled, although the wrinkles around his eyes revealed wisdom, experience. the smell of musk and tobacco radiated from him like the cradle of his body heat.

"long time client?" she asks you.

"no. just once." it surprises you, that he cared so much to call.

"you must've made a good impression." she winks.

your heart sinks a bit when you remember how you forgot the money. that maybe he only called to urge you to pick it up, not wanting to be caught up on the bad side of a system like this one.

so you go to his hotel room. you remember art telling you he was taking a break from tennis, that he would be staying at that hotel down by the highway for as long as they'd let him.

and art is watching shitty reality television when he hears a knock. your knock. three open-palmed bangs and art is opening the door in an old t-shirt and cotton pajama bottoms. somehow, he looks even better than before.

"hi." a smile creeps up. a big one.

you blush and look down at your feet. that's so unlike you. "hi. im back."

"please, come in. i'm sorry." he ushers you inside and latches the door. "i was about to make a gin & tonic. you want one?"

"no, thank you. i heard you had called the service about me?" you sit on the desk chair across from the bed.

"yes--I" a pause, like he's trying to really gather himself. "i'm sorry if that was inappropriate. you forgot the money and--I just really wanted to see you again. if i'm being completely honest."

you try to hide how your face contorts, disappointment as art mentions the forgotten cash, bliss as he admits the calls were to ask for you.

"here i am." you scoot forward. "not inappropriate. i promise, you're much more respectful than most of the callers we get."

art asks to cradle you in his lap again and you oblige. you like to feel small with him, and he likes to feel strong and protective and push your hair away from your forehead to kiss you there. it all feels so much more intimate than sex could ever be.

"have you been feeling any better?" you ask art.

he ponders, and then nods. "yes, actually. since meeting you ive felt better."

"good. that's good." you latch your lips under his ear. "i thought about you while i was away."

blood rushes to arts face. "really? in what way?"

"i didn't pleasure you at all."

art pulls your face close to yours. stares at your lips and the dip of your cupids bow.

"you did pleasure me."

one of his hands cradles your head, the other resting on the top of your thigh. you grab him, making his fingers trace up your torso, your throat. and then you suck his fingers into your mouth. you swirl your tongue and let the spit drool out of you and make a mess.

for the first time, art groans. it's guttural and surprises you. the both of you. because it came out involuntarily, a dormant beast that the warmth of your tongue pulled out, inch by inch.

a twitch under your ass. he's hard. but the skin of his fingers is so, so soft. regardless of the callouses on his palms from tennis rackets.

"i want to make you cum."

this vocabulary. this depth of conversation, of laying each other out in the open and digesting stories and vulnerabilities is not your job. using such straightforward verbiage is not your job. your job is to be pretty and be used and be paid for it.

but this isn't your job right now. because art never paid you, and you still haven't brought up the $800, although you saw it in an envelope with your name in small, capital letters, blue ink.

you're not his escort. no, right now you're his lover.

art tilts your chin up. "do whatever you want to me. even if it hurts me, i'll want it."

and god, he's so fucking ridiculous with those puppy dog eyes and furrowed eyebrows. pathetic but in a way that made you want him to use you even more. but he won't.

you untie his pajama bottoms.

"do you want me to make you cum?" you yank them down, along with his boxers.

"yes. fuck. yes." his erection slaps his stomach and he's long. pink and wet with pre-cum; it looks just as pathetic and needy as he does.

you wrap your hand around him.

"pretty, pretty cock." you stroke him, pretty painted nails wrapped around the length of him. "so hard. god, i bet it feels so good to be touched like this."

it does. god, it does. but art can't speak. his mouth hangs open because you're touching him like it means the world to you to do so. so, so, slow. intentional how you feel the ridges of him.

he closes his eyes, just for a second. but then he misses seeing your face, how it mirrors yours in terms of pleasure, even though he isn't touching you at all.

his eyes open to see a glob of spit falling from your lips as you stare at him. his micro-expressions. he nods.

"do you want me to get it nice and wet for you?"

you already have, bubbly spit warming his cock so nicely.

"yes. please--"

the sounds of you touching him are louder now. he hasn't been touched like this in so long he feels like he may just cum right now. spill into your hands and apologize profusely. tell you he isn't usually like this.

but then he feels your lips. a soft kiss to his tip and he groans. instinctively grabs your hair and you open your mouth all the way for him.

"fuck my throat." you say it so sweetly, his erection still in your hand, ghosting over your mouth. tempting him.

"i dont want to hurt you."

you bat your eyelashes. "fucking doesn't necessarily mean fast or hard. fuck me how you want to."

he wants to worship you. he wants to feel you from the inside out. but he'll take this.

he holds the back of your head and tells you to tap out if you're in pain. as if he forgot the nature of why you're here. you kind of have.

you nod and you're drooling for him. over a year of doing this and you've never felt your heart beat so assuredly. knowing that you want him more than it's healthy too. that this is more than a contract between seller and buyer.

he pushes in. slowly, inch by inch and your eyes water. he holds your hand tightly and you squeeze him back. you're completely still. you trust him all the way as he fucks your throat slowly. his spongy head hits the very back of your throat and every movement makes art whimper, moan, swear. it makes you wetter than his hands being all over you. just pleasing him. he deserves it and so much more.

"fuck--you look so pretty. taking all of me. want you to take everything i fuckin' have--"

his hips stop moving, they stutter. and you pull off him, opting to do all the work yourself. it's messy; spit drips between his thighs and you kiss his shaft up and down. kitten lick him, worship him. softly stroke him and tell him you want him to cum, you want him, you want him.

it's not a lie, but art wouldn't care if it were. hearing the words makes him cry, makes him finish, makes him pull you onto his lap as he's still coming down. to hold you close. you wipe his tears and stay all night.

[mj0702]

@helen-with-an-a wanted it... you all have to suffer

You hardly keep something from Lucy. There were a few times you didn't tell her things. The time you broke her favorite mug. Then when you started dating Georgia. Oh – and the time you got mint jelly all over her first Olympic Jersey. So you keeping something from her felt incredibly wrong to you. You didn't LIKE to keep things from her. But you also were a person that need to prove to yourself that you can achieve things without the name Bronze or without Lucy. That's why you kept all this from her. You were living in Barcelona now – Barcelona was your home. It was where your Family was. Lucy. Keira. Ona. Alexia. Mapí. All them spaniards (and Jenni the lanky half-Mexican from the bad area from Spain) you love more than life and that you would give your life without a second thought. So keeping one of the biggest thing in your life from your sister was hard. And it got significant harder once the others caught on that something was going on with you. You talked to Georgia a lot. You finished school in summer and you knew you just had to ask Alexia and you immediately would have a job at Barca but you wanted more. Yes, you were good at analytics and tactics but you wanted to help on a different level. So your girlfriend suggested you would start to train to be a physio but true to Bronze fashion you wanted more. You wanted what Lucy did – you wanted to study and you wanted to understand the human body and the movements and the muscles and the tendons and... everything.

So you looked up some courses at Unis in England when Georgia suggested you should probably look in Barcelona. Barcelona had excellent Universities and you did found something that would go in the direction you wanted so you wrote an application and to your big surprise you got accepted. You hoped that it wasn't because of the name Bronze but on the other hand you didn't really care when you opened the letter. You immediately called Georgia who was at training but called back ASAP once she saw the 31 missed calls from you thinking something has happened.

“Hola Cari” you heard Alexia entering the meeting room where you were hiding most of the trainings theses days working on your paper for “school”

“Hola” you squeaked and slapped your laptop shut panicked

“Are you okay Cariño?” the blonde raised an eyebrow at your weird acting

“Sí... mi bueno... mucho bueno” you nodded fast your hand still on your laptop

“We taught you better than that” Alexia huffed slapping the back of your head lightly “... what are you doing in here anyway?”

“Nothing” you answered quickly pushing the laptop a little away so Alexia couldn't snatch it away

“You weren't watching porn were you?” the blonde asked seriously still a little carefully

“WHAT??” you looked at her bewildered “NO!!”

“I mean I would understand....” Alexia said carefully “... you and Georgia... long distance”

“Oh ew...” you scrunched up your nose “.. please stop talking about... what I do or don't do with my girlfriend”

“Then what are you doing?” the blonde pushed again trying to grab your laptop

“Hello?? Privacy??!!!” you exclaimed jumping up from your chair pulling the electronic device to your chest as you took a few steps back to get some distance between you and the catalan

“Please..” Alexia snorted chuckling “... you should know there's hardly any privacy around this dysfunctional familia... how often did you walk in on Ona and Lucy now?”

“Yeah well.. I want my privacy now... so can you just leave?” you whined before you mumbled “... seven times”

“Cari....” the blonde said softly “... I don't know what you're doing but it's nothing dangerous right?”

“No... it's just something I need to do by myself” you said seriously

“If you need help you know you can come to any of us right?” Alexia said firmly

“I know...” you nodded “... I promise I'll tell you soon okay.. I just... need to figure it out myself first”

“Okay... I trust you that there won't be Police on the side one day trying to take you away” the blonde said “... if your sister asks... do Maps a favor and say you did indeed watch porn”

With that Alexia left you alone and you looked shocked at the door that just fell shut

“Hey Bubs..” your sister greeted you as you entered the locker room

“Hey” you grumbled back

“Woah... what's wrong Bits?” Keira now perked up from the opposite side giving you a once over if you sported any new bruises or wounds

“Nothing” you grumbled proceeding to stuff your laptop and some papers in your personal Barcelona Bag

“Bubs... talk to me” Lucy said softly when she came over to sit next to your cubby – yes you had your own cubby gifted by the Barca captains themselves

“What's there to talk... not an INCH of privacy in this godforsaken place...” you grumble subtly fixing the rim of your shirt

“What?” your sister said dumb folded not catching on

“Bitsy speak up... your sister doesn't get it... as usual” Keira said rolling her eyes already “knowing” what happened

“I have needs okay... my girlfriend is thousand miles away...” you looked at Lucy faking to be upset “... ALL of you should have been at training... ALL... yes ALL... except for Mrs. Alexia “I can do whatever I want because I'm La Reina” Putellas... SHE doesn't have to train... she's sooooo good... newsflash... your one touch is lacking”

“Woah whoa whoa whoa...” Lucy held her hands up in a calming matter “WHAT are you talking about?”

“I have NEEDS Luce...” you huffed

“What do you need? Can I help somehow??” your sister asked confused and you heaved

“She was watching porn Lucy... or a video from G getting herself off” Keira now interrupted dryly

“Oh my god!!” Lucy exclaimed shocked.. and disgusted.. but mostly shocked

“HA!!!” you heard Mapí exclaimed victoriously

“María” you heard a second voice smirking when Ingrid slapped her girlfriend and shot her a death glare

“NEVER say anything like this again” Lucy coughed after she gagged loudly “You are my little sister... you die a virgin because you don't HAVE a sex life”

“Oh but I...” you started nonchalantly

“Bitsy” Keira interrupted you in a warning tone “No”

“But...” you whined

“Do you really want me to come over and we discuss that in private?” Keira challenge you with a raised eyebrow

“No no... I'm good.... thank you” you said quickly when you got a glimpse of the clock

“SHIT... I'm late” you quickly threw the rest of your stuff in the bag and sprinted towards the exit just to get stopped by Alexia

“Late for what?” the blonde catalan blocked the door

“Not your business” you said getting slightly angry trying to push past her

“You really think you can push me over?” Alexia looked down at you crossing her arms in front of her chest

“I know your weak spot...” you said dangerously calm “... don't make me hurt you Alexia... let me go”

You and Alexia got into a little stare off before the blonde took a step to the side letting you hastily fly through the door

“You letting her leave? Alexia!” Lucy exclaimed confused

“Something tells me the Cari has some things to figure out” the catalan said softly

“Ehrm.. Amor?” Ona now speaks up being a little shady

“Sí?” Lucy looked at her girlfriend after she processed what Alexia said

“Please tell me you have the Car keys” Ona asked already knowing the answer

“No... I gave them to you...” your sister shook her head bewildered

“Yeah... about that...” her girlfriend scratched the back of the neck “... I think Bebita took them”

“WHAT???” Lucy yelled shocked starting to pull her clothes from her bag again looking for her car key

“No no no no no no” your sister whined after she reached the bottom of her bag “Noooooohooooo”

“She got you again Bronze?” Keira smirked evilly

“Shut it Walsh” Lucy grumbled as she fell down on the bench “... you can give us a lift?”

“Sure thing” Keira laughed “... but you better move your ass... you know I'll leave without you and just drive your girlfriend home.... and when we're at yours we pass the time by painting our nails and talk about your performance... the not on the pitch performance”

“You are an evil EVIL woman Walsh” your sister grumbled and stuffed her trainings stuff back into her bag

“Sorry for being late... got held up at... work” you panted entering the classroom now everyone looking at you

“I'll let it slide this time but only because you are one of the Best in this course” your Teacher Mrs. Hernandez looked at you strictly and then nodded her head towards your place and you quickly scrambled to sit down and pull out your papers and sat up your laptop “... and you can start with explaining your paper you better have finished since last lesson”

“Yeah.... about that... my... dog ate it” you scratched the back of your neck embarrassed

“Your... dog ate it??” the dark haired woman asked confused raising an eyebrow

Truth was... Narla didn't ate it. You worked on that paper and you finished it. In Munich. At your girlfriends apartment. On your second laptop. That was still in Munich.

“Yeah....” you tried to grin innocent resulting in a pained grimace

“How about we try the truth?” the woman asked fixing you with a glare

“Damn... you're just like Ale...” you mumbled but then cleared your throat “... I forgot it in Munich and my dearest is to... untechnical to get through me safety settings sooooo...”

“So you have time to go on holiday to Germany instead of studying?” Mrs. Hernandez asked

“No no no... I do study” you said quickly “... my girlfriend lives in Munich and no one except for her know that I'm doing this so whenever I know my familia is home I flee to Munich so I can have my peace and quiet and know one will see what I'm doing because... I don't want them to get involved before I passed this class”

“Now that's a reason I can get behind” the dark haired woman nodded understanding before she fixed you with a glare once again “... I want BOTH papers before next lesson starts on my desk in printed form”

“Sí... gracias” you nodded quickly already planning your next trip to Germany

“Aitana…” you said quietly

“Sí?” the small catalan asked confused

“I need your help….” you whispered looking around so no one would hear you “… I can offer you a deal”

“Aha” Aitana took a step back

“You teach me catalan…. I teach you English” you mumbled quickly

“I don’t need helping in English” the catalan looked confused

“You say things like “you work or no work”…. “ you deadpanned

“Yes… she was at every game” Aitana looked even more confused

“Firstly it’s rude and secondly it’s not English” you rolled your eyes “… sooooo… we have a deal?”

“Why you don’t need helping from Alexia?” the small player asked

“She’ll ask questions that I can’t answer right now….” you mumbled “… and you definitely need help with English”

“Okay…” Aitana shrugged her shoulders and that was the start of the most chaotic private lessons existing to this day.

“Bitsy... we need to talk” Keira said pulling you away after training a week later

“What? Why? I did nothing?” you said quickly a little scared

“Sit” the englishwoman gestured to one of the seats in the stands and you promptly sit down “So... what's going on?”

“Huh? Nothing?” you asked confused

“Bitsy... you never lied to me... okay once but that was technically okay since it was a surprise party” Keira said firmly “... so I'll humor you and ask again... what's going on?”

“Nothing I swear” you held your hands up in a defending manner

“For weeks now you're different... your mind is somewhere else... you hardly participate in pranks with them nutcases anymore... you fly an AWEFUL lot out to Munich... you spend hardly any time with Lucy, Ona, Alexia or me for the matter... so... what's going on.. you and G okay?” your “Mom” asked her voice showing a little concern

“Oh... OH...” you exclaimed “... yeah... all good”

“And???” Keira looked at you with that “go on”-look

“And nothing... all good” you smiled standing up for Keira to pull you right back down

“Y/n” she warned you and you know you are basically fucked

“I promise all is good... but..” you started with a little wince “... I can't talk about it... not right now... I promise everything is okay and I will tell you eventually just not... now”

“Okay...” the blonde said after she studied your face for a minute “... you know I trust you Bitsy and when you say you're okay I believe you... BUT.. if you got trouble I want you to come to me okay...”

“I promise Kei.. that's just something I have to do on my own... FOR me” you said seriously and Keira nodded slowly

“Okay... just promise me you didn't get pregnant or married... Lucy would get a stroke” Keira smiled slightly

“PREGNANT????” you screeched causing several heads to whip in your direction making Keira burst out laughing

“BUBS???!!!” Lucy yelled over shocked

“NO!!!! NO!!!!” you shook your head panicked as your sister started to come over to you and Keira

“You know she's gonna make you do a test right?” Keira wheezed out when she saw Lucys face

“I'm not pregnant” you squeak out your sister now coming up resting against the railing her eyebrows raised

“Then you won't have anything against taking a test right?” Lucy looked at you

“Told you” Keira bursted out laughing again

“You can take a test” you grumbled sinking lower in that uncomfortable plastic chair

“I'm pretty confident I'm not the one who just yelled Pregnant over the whole pitch...” your sister said in a matter of fact voice “... Alexia is already on her way to get one”

“I'm NOT taking a pregnancy test” you glared at Lucy

“So... you have something to hide then” Lucy poked your ego

“No... but I'm not supporting your stupidness” you shot back while Keira nearly fell of the chair clutching her torso laughing

“You are in a very.... difficult age Bubs....” your sister started slowly “... your hormones...”

“GOOOOOD” you groaned “... please stop.... Keira.... make her stop”

“Oh no... this is very entertaining” the blonde laughed at the uncomfortable look on Lucys and the disgusted look on your face

“You just take the test Bubs and we're good” Lucy said shrugging her shoulders not really wanting to have this conversation

“Luce... I'm NOT pregnant...” you said seriously “... G is good but not THAT good”

“Oh gooooood...” now your sister groaned while Keira interrupted into a new round of laughter

“Hey Alexia” you strolled up to the Barca capitan after a gym session several weeks later

“Yes Cari?” Alexia breath slightly labored as she wiped her face with a towel

“What are you doing next Thursday??” you asked slightly nervous

“Nothing I think... I have to check my planner but I don't think I have anything planned why?” the blonde catalan said after she thought about it for a second

“Could you and Olga maybe... be there...” you asked quietly pulling out a scrunched up piece of paper with an address and a time scribbled on it

“Ehrm... okay... can I ask why?” Alexia looked confused as she took the paper from you

“Just.... it's something important to me... so... please?” you shuffled nervously from left to right

“Okay... okay we'll be there” the blonde smiled softly feeling the nervous energy radiating from you “Thank you... casual chic... or just chic.... whatever you feel like” you mumbled quickly before you basically run from the gym

“Oh Cari.... what have you done now?” Alexia huffed lightly as she watches you leave and started to collect her things

“Luce??” you yelled as soon as you opened the door “Ona?”

“Living room” you heard your sister yelling back

“OKAY” you yelled back kicking your shoes down the hallway

“Why do you two always have to yell?” Ona groaned

“Love language” Lucy shrugged and grinned “…. When she yells I know she’s okay”

“Sooooo….” you said a little carefully

“Sooooo?” your sister asked sitting on the couch Onas head in her lap

“You free next Thursday?” you shuffled around nervously

“Think so…. Why?” Lucy looked at you expectantly

“Just… be there at 7” you said quickly and threw another scrunched up piece of paper at them and quickly made your exit

“Bubs” your sister yelled after you while Ona unfolded the piece of paper that hit her on the forehead

“What is it?” Lucy looked down on her girlfriend

“It’s an address” the catalan said confused

“I swear if she caused trouble and that’s a court date…” your sister grumbled

“It’s the Universities address” Ona said as she looked up from her phone as she googled the address

“University?” Lucy asked bewildered

“Yes…” the blonde showed her girlfriend the screen

“What the… BUBS??!!!” your sister yelled

“She’s not home!!!!” you yelled back from your room

“Stop being a Twat and get your ass in here” Lucy groaned

“No….” you whined

“Y/n Tough Bronze” your sister hollered

“Lucy… let her be…” Ona said softly “… it obviously took a lot for her to ask us to be there – so don’t squeeze informations out of her”

“I just want to know what’s going on….” Lucy defended herself

“Lucia…” the catalan warned

“Yeah okay…” your sister huffed

“Hey Kei….” you said appearing out of nowhere next to the blonde English woman

“Jesus Christ” Keira exclaimed shocked clutching her chest “DON’T do that”

“What?” you looked confused

“Don’t appear out of thin air like this” the blonde exclaimed

“I literally walked down the sideline… not my fault you don’t pay attention to your surroundings” you shrugged

“I was talking to Vicky” Keira throws her arms in the air

“Not my fault she’s not paying attention to your surroundings” you waved off

“What do you want pest?” the blonde rolled her eyes

“Next Thursday… 7PM… be there” you fished another paper out of your pocket just as scrunched up as the ones you handed out before

“And why would I want to be there?” Keira ask confused

“Just… please?” you said shyly

“Okay” the blonde huffed knowing by your reaction that it was important to you

“Thanks Kei” you smiled

“Always Bitsy” Keira smiled back softly

“You ready Babe?” Georgia asked fixing the tie around her neck

“I can’t do this…” you said panicked pulling on your robe

“Stop” your girlfriend said firmly grabbing your shaking hands

“I can’t G… I just can’t… everyone will be there…” your breathing labored

“Breath….” Georgia said calmly

“You don’t understand” you started again just to get interrupted

“… you are nervous… I do understand that… but you worked so hard… you sacrificed so much…” your girlfriend talked lowly “… you showed that even off the pitch you come out on top… you are the best of the class… I am so proud of you and everyone else will be too”

“But what if they’re mad I kept this from them…” a new wave of anxiety hits you “… Lucy gonna be so mad”

“Baby…” Georgias voice strict “… no one is gonna be mad… not Keira… nor Ona… and definitely not Lucy… you worked your ass off and you deserve it more than anyone”

“I need to hold a SPEECH!!!! A SPEECH G!!!” you squeak

“I know…” your girlfriend smiled softly “… and you’ll absolutely smash it”

“IN CATALAN G!!!” you screeched

“And you learned to speak catalan from the best…” Georgia smiled

“I…. guess….” you calmed down slightly

“See… you are prepared… and pretty…. So so pretty” your girlfriend smiled pressing a soft kiss to your lips

“I don’t…” you started

“No… we will go there… you get your diploma and then we leave… we getting a pizza at the shop down the road and then we celebrate your bachelor degree” Georgia said keeping her voice soft

“Pizza sounds good” you mumbled

“See… we just quickly go and pick up that piece of paper and get pizza” your girlfriend shrugged smiling and gently pushed you towards the door

“Alexia …” Lucy said surprised “… what are you doing here? What is this? You know what this is?”

“Cariño invited Olga and me…” Alexia looked at her teammate “… and no… no idea”

“Kei… do you have…” your sister turned around having spotted her ex

“… no idea” Keira interrupted Lucy rolling her eyes

“Then what are we doing here?” Lucy asked bewildered

“You’re here to support a person that’s important to you and you are important to her…” Georgia said appearing next to Keira “… she’s fucking nervous as it is so all of you pull it together and support her”

“Where did you come from?” your sister looked at Georgia pure confusion on her face

“From the champagne stand over there” your girlfriend pointed to a little bar with her glass “… it’s free and I thought… Eeh.. why not”

“Spill Stanway” Lucy growled getting upset

“Not in a million years…” Georgia snorted “… you’ll have to wait and see… I don’t know what your plans are but I’m going to me place now”

“I can’t believe she ignored me…” your sister started as Keira started to snort

“… you growling at her like a toothless puppy?” Keira asked “She knows you’re all bark no bite by now Luce”

“I am intimidating!!” Lucy exclaimed

“Yes Amor… so intimidating” Ona smirked and started to follow Georgia

“I AM!!” your sister shouted after the group

“I am” Lucy mumbled to herself now trotting after the others finding her place

“I can’t believe…” Lucy said shocked looking up to the stage where you were currently holding your speech in catalan

“…. She pulled that off?” Georgia helped out

“That she really …. she got a bachelors degree now…” your sister said in disbelieve

“She worked her ass off for it…” your girlfriend hummed “… the amount of times I found her at the kitchen table in the morning fast asleep on her papers… she really worked for it Luce”

“I… we… we all would’ve helped…” Lucy whispered given up already trying to understand what you were saying due to it being catalan “… why didn’t she say anything?”

“She was scared she could fail and that you’d be disappointed in her…” Georgia said remembering how often she herself tried to get you to talk to Lucy “… she said if she did fail no one but me would be disappointed”

“What a truck load of bullshit” Lucy grumbled

“I know… it still doesn’t change the fact that she wants to meet your goals Lucy… you are so fucking important to her…” your girlfriend said lowly “… the thought she could fuck up nearly broke her”

“Can you two shut up… I’m listening to the Cariño speech” Alexia sneered from two seats down

“I don’t understand anything anyway “ Lucy shot back

“Maybe if you’d listen you would’ve noticed her saying that she couldn’t have done it without the upbringing you provided her with because you taught her to fight no matter the outcome and that everything she achieved was because of you being her role model” Alexia said her voice low

“She did?” your sister asked perplex

“Yes….” Ona said tears in her eyes “… yes she did”

“But I…” Lucy looked around for help

“You showed her the world Lucy… from the moment I met you two it was clear that you were HER world… you just never realized how much…” Keira said softly “… none of us could ever reach the podium she holds you on… you two always were more than just sisters… you two always had something special”

“I…” your sister was at loss for words as you ended your speech and received your diploma smiling widely

“You are her everything Luce…” Georgia smiled clapping her friends back “… just like she is yours”

“Sooooo…” you slandered up to your girlfriend “… about that pizza….”

“Yeah I think we can kiss that idea goodbye…” your girlfriend smirked nodding behind you

“So proud of you” you recognized the voice of your sister as she pulled you into a bone crushing hug “so fucking proud”

“Lucy…” you groaned your voice strangled “… need air”

“Lucy” Keira warned “… no killing tonight”

“I’m just proud!! Can’t I be a proud sister for once?” Lucy asked flabbergasted still holding onto you tightly

“Air” you squeak out hitting your sister wherever you could reach her

“Amor…” Ona said softly prying Lucys arms away from around you “… others want to be proud too”

“I have first proud right!!!” your sister said

“Yes you do and you already showed her how proud you are” the small catalan said softly while you where holding onto your girlfriend coughing hard

“But not enough” Lucy said confused

“Plenty enough” you wheezed out as Georgia patted your back softly

“We need to celebrate” your sister suddenly exclaimed

“I already…” you started but get fixed by a glare from Keira, Alexia and Ona “… haven’t planned anything” you said quickly

“Mhm…. Thought so Bits…” Keira said eyebrow raised “… you know the tradition”

“Keiraaaaaa… come ooooon” you whined immediately knowing what she implemented

“Oh no… it’s tradition” the blonde smirked

“What?” Alexia asked confused

“Every time Bitsy came home with good grades at the end of a school year we would celebrate it and she was given the honor to pin it on the fridge” Keira smiled

“I’m not in middle school anymore” you continue to whine

“Oh I don’t care… university is school… you have good grades… tradition it is” the blonde English woman shrugged her shoulders and you knew you lost the battle – and the war.

“Ugh… so unfair” you huffed

“I’ll let you have a second cheat day this week Cari… this achievement is reason enough to eat whatever you want” Alexia pulled you into a side hug

“So generous” you grumbled “… you do realize I can eat whatever I want whenever I want”

“Oh I know Cariño…” the catalan smiled and you saw you were close to the magical line that would make her snap “… I also know you wouldn’t dare to do that because you knew I would let you run laps until your lung comes out”

“A second cheat day sounds amazing” you squeaked

“Thought so” Alexia smirked pinching your cheek

“Come on Bebita…. Let’s go home” Ona smiled grabbing your hand softly

“But G comes too…” you said as you let Ona pull you along

“Of course…” the catalan smiled and that’s how your bachelor’s degree ended up pinned to Lucys and Onas fridge making Lucy smile proudly every time she saw it.

Y/n Tough Bronze – Bachelor in Physical Activity and Sport Sciences

[shmaptainwrites]

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓, 𝐀𝐈𝐑, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 [𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐍]

PAIRINGS – Violet Bridgerton x fem!Gardener!Reader

SUMMARY — Violet gets her garden tended to, both literally and figuratively.

WORD COUNT — 7.1K

WARNINGS — 18+ NSFW MDNI, just lots of longing and touch straved themes

NOTE — This fic I think may be one of my favourite things I've ever written. I don't want to say too much about it, but I hope it makes all you feel the same things it made me feel as I was writing it. A special thank you to @mystic-writings for beta'ing and cheering me on and @loveindiravarma for providing the video for the middle GIF

Violet never liked when she had to let go of staff, but sometimes it just had to be done. Anthony was tremendously busy (with his impending wedding to the elder Miss Sharma) and so in the end, the responsibility fell on Violet.

She had to say although the whole ordeal was rather unpleasant, she somehow seemed to be graced with an easy decision when it came to filling the position of gardener. 

Violet would admit she was a little surprised by how it all played out. First, she wasn’t expecting a woman to come and speak with her about the job, but every single quality she was looking for in an applicant was met. She didn’t waste her time in making a decision and decided to hire on the spot.

She found herself more willing to go out into the garden, to explore while work was being done, unafraid to get in the way or be curious because she never felt like she was imposing. She did know it was technically her family’s home, but there was something about watching someone while they worked that just seemed rather intrusive and she usually avoided it. 

“Lady Bridgerton,” your voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked up at you with a smile. “I just started pruning and was going to come and ask you a question about how you wanted the bushes. You seem to have saved me some leg work.”

“I’m much obliged, miss. How can I be of assistance?” she asked, coming closer to you and the bush of flowers you were working on. 

“I was thinking perhaps to pick a few peonies to put inside the house in vases and then trim down the size a bit so it isn’t overtaking the garden quite so much, what are your thoughts?” 

Violet pressed her lips together and gazed at the bush for a moment. The peonies did seem to be in such a bloom, reaching out on every side almost running completely wild. She supposed that was part of the reason she got a new gardener in the first place. 

“Trim it,” she nodded. “They do seem like they need to be…controlled.” 

You chuckled a little and clipped one of the flowers, handing it to her. 

“If I may, my Lady, I don’t think controlled is quite the right word,” you said. “Moreso…guided, manicured, taken care of.” 

Violet smiled at what you said, a nervous chuckle escaping her lips, “Yes, quite right,” she nodded. “Thank you.” 

“Of course, my Lady. Your company is always welcome.” 

She pressed her lips together and wished you a good day before continuing to walk through the gardens. 

As the day passed, Violet found herself carrying the peony you had given her to everything she did around the house, playing with the stem, feeling the petals between her fingers until in the evening she sat in her chambers, alone and dressed for bed the flower sitting on her vanity staring back at her. 

After staring at it for what seemed like hours she finally picked it up and brought it to her nose, inhaling its scent and perfume, closing her eyes and just letting her mind wander along with the intoxicating scent, feeling a warmth grow in her core, causing her breath to hitch and for her to abruptly open her eyes. 

She took in a couple of shakier breaths, placing the flower back down on the vanity and standing up, turning away from it, unable to justify her own thoughts in her head. 

She moved to the pitcher of water that sat next to a bowl and poured some of it inside, gently splashing her face with the water, before resting her hands on the table and leaning over the bowl, letting small droplets drip from her nose and chin back into the bowl. 

A pressure began to build up in her chest and all of a sudden she was taking deeper, more laboured breaths until she grabbed the towel and wiped her face clean with a certain roughness and frustration before letting her arms drop to her side while her back leaned against the table. 

She looked over again at the peony and licked her lips, her hand moving to her chest, rubbing back and forth to try and rid herself of some of this ache, or rather distract from it. 

It wasn’t much use, so instead she closed her eyes and took in a deep, shaky breath, discarding the towel on the table and moving towards her bed, slipping underneath the covers and begging for sleep to wash over her. 

—

“Mama, when are we going to join Anthony and Kate at Aubrey Hall?” Hyacinth asked one morning over breakfast.

“Soon, dearest,” she assured her youngest daughter. “Lady Danbury will be joining us there, I just have a few more things I have to arrange for before we can leave.” 

“I do not want to go to the country,” Gregory pouted. “We’ve been there three times already this year.” 

“The country air will do us all some good,” Violet told her children. “We will go spend time with your brother and his wife as a family and we will all enjoy it. Understood?” she gave Gregory one of her looks that wasn’t so much threatening as it was lovingly stern. 

“Yes mama,” Gregory nodded and looked back at his food with a sigh making his other siblings chuckle. 

Violet finished up her breakfast and excused herself from the table, going to take care of things with the staff who would be left at the house in their absence and going out for an appointment with the modiste, unable to do her own alterations at the same time as her daughters. 

When she returned she had one thing on her list to complete before finalizing all of the packing to be ready to leave tomorrow. 

She made her way to the garden and saw you diligently working away at pulling some weeds from the soil around the rose bushes and while she was busy admiring your work, you caught her gaze and welcomed her with a smile on your face. 

“Lady Bridgerton,” you stood up and bowed your head, removing your working gloves and tossing them to the side. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Yes actually there is,” she nodded. “As you know the family and I are going to join Anthony at Aubrey Hall tomorrow and I was wondering if you might join us to help tend to the gardens there.” 

You looked a little surprised at her proposition, but nodded your head. 

“I would love to, my Lady, but may I ask a question?”

“Of course,” she pressed you to go on. 

“I thought there was a gardener who took care of Aubrey Hall, it was my understanding that my responsibilities would not extend past Bridgerton House.” 

“Under normal circumstances they wouldn’t,” Violet agreed with your sentiment. “It is just that our other gardener has, like my son, recently gotten married and Anthony was in a generous mood and gave him time to spend with his new wife so the gardens there have not been tended to in some time. I feel as though the plants here could surely survive a while longer in your absence, especially since you have done so much work with them already.” 

“I see,” you smiled. “In that case I would be more than happy to join you at Aubrey Hall, my Lady.” 

“Splendid,” she let out a small relieved breath. “I have arranged for you to come in a carriage with my maid Mrs.Wilson. There are quarters for a gardener on the far end of the property that you will be most welcome to stay in during your time in the country. It hasn’t been used for quite some time as Mr. Henry lives in the village and walks to Aubrey Hall every day.” 

“Wonderful, I shall finish with these weeds then begin packing,” you motioned to the soil below you and Violet nodded her head with a smile before wishing you a good rest of your day and heading back inside to arrange some packing of her own (and make sure Gregory and Hyacinth in particular were doing the same…and come to think of it Eloise, Benedict, and Colin as well). 

She was content that evening to be stressing over her impending travels instead of allowing herself to drift into madness like she felt she had been doing so often these past few days. As she lay in bed, the blanket pulled up to her chin as she curled underneath the covers, she really did hope that the country air might provide her even with a moment's respite. 

—

“I never knew you to be interested in gardening, mama.”

Violet turned her head upwards at Eloise’s voice as she had caught sight of her staring out of the window at you while you took out some potted plants and re-planted them into the soil. 

“Oh, yes,” Violet nodded her head. “Gardening, it’s very…” her voice trailed off and she didn’t even attempt to finish her sentence, her eyes still closely watching you. 

Eloise gave her mother a look of confusion, trying to gather what was going on, but clearly not understanding the situation at all. 

“It’s very what?” she asked, pulling her mother out of her thoughts once more. 

“It’s an art,” Violet ended up saying, turning her head to face Eloise, a polite, albeit slightly strained, smile on her face. “To tend to a garden takes knowledge, care, and an eye for a certain…” 

“Je ne sais quoi?” Eloise offered and Violet nodded her head. 

“Exactly.” 

Eloise watched you with her mother for a moment before leaving her to her own devices so she could go read for a bit before playing pall mall with her siblings and new sister-in-law. 

Violet thought a little more to herself about what it took to take care of a garden. It was true that it required knowledge and care, but gardens also flourished with love and tenderness, with touch and air and sunlight. 

Just as she thought of the sun, it peeked out from behind the clouds, just for a moment shining in through the window and Violet allowed herself to bask in its warmth. Shutting her eyes and letting each golden ray envelop her and touch her skin and set it aglow. She took in a deep breath and let out a soft sigh, relishing that feeling of something against her body, some warmth. 

“Lady Bridgerton?” 

“Hmm,” Violet bore a soft smile on her face, her eyes still closed for a moment before she turned her head and opened them, seeing her friend standing before her. “Oh, Lady Danbury. You must excuse me I was just-” 

“Basking?” she asked with a raised brow, leaning on her cane. 

Violet chuckled a little sheepishly. 

“Yes,” she nodded. “Would you care to join me?” 

“I think I would,” she said as Violet moved over slightly so that she could join her on the small couch that faced the window. “Miss Eloise has told me that you’ve been observing the gardening that is happening.” 

“Yes,” Violet nodded again, she didn’t have many words to say as her eyes fell on you again, watching your every movement. 

“Or perhaps there is a gardener that has caught your eye?” 

“Yes-Wait Agatha!” Violet turned her head as soon as she’d realized how she’d answered, shocked her friend could even suggest such a thing. 

Lady Danbury’s face was not one of shock or even intrigue, she just let her hands simply rest on the head of her cane and continued to look out of the window. 

Violet was so flustered she could feel her cheeks growing more red by the second as she figured out what she was going to try and say to cover up her answer. 

Before she could think of something, Lady Danbury spoke again. 

“I suppose a gardener has many admirable qualities,” she began. “They are very meticulous, they know how to…tend to things.” 

Violet pressed her lips together, she didn’t dare look over at her, instead just focusing on her hands in her lap.

“You wouldn't tell anyone, would you?” Violet asked quietly. 

“What is there to tell,” Lady Danbury shrugged. “You are simply a Lady who enjoys her garden.” 

Violet smiled a little to herself and looked out of the window ahead into the field, placing a hand on her friend’s which still rested on the head of her cane. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

Lady Danbury nodded her head. 

“There is no harm in looking, Violet.” 

She continued to press her lips together, there may not have been a harm in looking, but what about when that fuelled some sort of desire she did not know how to control. 

Violet removed her hand from Lady Danbury’s and smoothed out her dress, standing up. 

“I should go. I think I can hear Hyacinth and Gregory arguing. Probably about something pointless.” 

Lady Danbury gave Violet a compassionate smile which she returned, but it left her face as soon as she turned away and headed towards the voice of her children. If she couldn’t seem to control her staring when you were around then perhaps she’d just have to make sure she wasn’t around you. 

���

When Violet was in the country and she found herself needing to clear her head she often sat on the bench next to her husband’s grave. She was usually better prepared, bringing flowers and maybe something special to leave there, but she didn’t have the wherewithal today to do anything other than sit.

Her children would all make their rounds eventually, especially the older ones, but often they liked to do it alone, taking the quiet moment as one of reflection, or perhaps they took the silence as an opportunity to talk with their father. 

Violet preferred to reminisce. 

To close her eyes and play through scenes in her head, a memory, a feeling until often she stopped herself before tears could stream down her cheeks. 

Today she felt her eyes flutter shut as the wind blew against her face, her breath was caught in her throat as she swore she could feel her late husband’s arms wrap around her. Ten years and she could still remember how his hands would mould to her sides, how his chin would rest against her shoulder from behind, the feeling of his breath like a gentle warm breeze against her cheek. 

She heard the crunch of twigs off to the side and she opened her eyes to see what had made the sound.

She saw you with your back turned to her and she frowned out of confusion for a moment before calling your name, encouraging you to turn around and face her. 

“I apologize, my Lady. I didn’t realize you were here,” you said quietly. “I just noticed there weren’t any flowers so I thought I might bring some by. The staff has told me you normally bring hyacinths.” 

Violet felt her lips pull into a sad soft smile as she nodded her head. 

“Yes…I was just a little preoccupied today,” she admitted. 

You tested the waters and came a little closer, and then a little closer until you could rest the flowers down by the large headstone. 

Violet watched as your hands moved to adjust a few things, not moving from your position until the flowers were perfect. 

When you stood up, you didn’t take the time to admire your work like you normally did and moved away to give Violet her privacy, and despite all that she had told herself a few days ago, she found herself speaking before her mind could catch up. 

“You could stay for a moment, if you’d like.” 

You paused and looked over at the Viscountess, she didn’t necessarily meet your gaze, her eyes still on the flowers you had brought. 

“I could stay if you’d like me to,” you said softly, not wanting to overstep her politeness. 

She nodded her head, her eyes still on the flowers and placed a hand on the empty spot next to her on the bench. 

You pursed your lips and clasped your hands behind your back as you walked towards the bench, lowering yourself down next to her and moving your hands to your lap. 

You didn’t say anything, simply watching Violet and waiting for her to make the move, to start a conversation if that’s what she wished, but perhaps she just wanted someone to sit in silence with her to offer a hand of comfort and before you realized what you were doing your hand had inched over towards hers that was still resting on the bench next to you. 

When Violet felt the warm touch of your hand against hers she had to keep her head turned for a moment, not expecting you to do such a thing. 

Confused by her reaction, you quickly retracted your hand in case you had overstepped, but as soon as the contact was lost, Violet turned her head back to you. 

“Is everything alright, my Lady?” you asked. 

She bit the inside of her cheek and nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak and instead looking straight ahead out into the field. She closed her eyes only for a moment, simply feeling the warmth radiate off your skin only for it to be blown away by the cool breeze. 

When she opened her eyes she noticed your hand in front of her, holding a handkerchief. She moved her own hand to her cheeks feeling the wet streaks against her skin. 

She took the handkerchief from you, with one hand, but then reached out with the other before you could pull away. You carefully brought your other hand and clasped hers between them. She could feel every callous along your palm, a rough exterior for such a gentle and caring touch. 

She sniffled and moved her free hand over her mouth, her fingers curled as if in contemplation. 

You stayed like that until you could hear the thunder rumble in the distance. You removed your hands from around hers, noticing how she almost shivered at the loss of warmth. 

“We should go before we get caught in the rain,” you said quietly. 

Violet nodded her head and watched as you wished her a good rest of her day before leaving and she sat there a while longer, looking down at her hands in her lap, the handkerchief still wet with tears, and she imagined that this wasn’t the last time this cloth, this piece of fabric would be witness to her sorrows.

—

Violet was never one to sneak around, but when the house was filled with her family and their staff on occasion she would find herself waiting for a moment where she could be away and for no one to know where she was. 

It was practically impossible to slip out unnoticed during the day, so she went through her usual evening routine with her maids, but sat at her vanity, waiting until the sun had just set and everyone was fast asleep to open the door of her room and peek down the hallway, stepping into it and making her way to the doors that led outside. 

The air nipped at her skin, making the hair on her arm stand on its end, despite the cover from her robe which she now wrapped tighter around her as she walked down the stairs and through the garden. She didn’t really think about what she was doing or where she was going, perhaps it was just simply away. 

Darkness fell upon the country and she appreciated the privacy it gave, but clearly it could only give so much.

It seemed as though she had walked all the way to the edge of the property where the gardener’s quarters were and there was still a shadow of a figure outside bent over what looked like potted plants. 

She watched curiously as she got closer and possibly hearing the squish of her feet against the wet soil, you looked up and saw her. It was safe to say you were a little confused at the sight before you and quickly dusted your hands off on a towel. 

“Lady Bridgerton is that you?” you called, squinting into the darkness, trying to get a better look. 

“Yes,” she called back. “What on earth are you doing gardening at night?” 

“I suppose I might ask the same of you and your promenade, my Lady,” you said. “These flowers bloom at night, I was just coming to take a look at them.” 

You beckoned her to come closer and take a look at what you were observing. As she came towards you, you noticed similarly to yourself she was dressed in a nightgown, only she had a robe pulled over top of her as well. 

It was interesting to see her in this light, or perhaps this darkness, her hair falling into loose curls on either side of her shoulders. There was no rouge on her cheeks, but the cold air seemed to do the trick regardless, welcoming a rosy colour on her skin. 

She bent down to examine the flowers you spoke of, gently touching the petals and smiling seeing how they reached up towards the moonlight. 

Before either of you could speak you were interrupted by the rumble of thunder and a trickle of rain which quickly turned into a downpour. 

You opened the door to the small cabin and ushered Violet inside, slipping in after her, lucky you were close by and did not get caught in the worst of it.

“I’m not sure it will be a good idea for you to go back, my Lady,” you looked outside. “It’s pouring, you’d catch a cold.”

You looked back over at her and she was wiping a few drops of rain from her face, but after seeing how hard the downpour was she came to the same conclusion. 

“I know it’s hardly as glamorous as what you have in Aubrey Hall, but you can take my bed,” you said. “I have a mat I can use to sleep on the floor.” 

“Are you quite sure?” Violet asked. “I know you did not plan on having a guest tonight, I do not mean to intrude.” 

“It’s not an intrusion, my Lady. Simply unconventional company,” you shrugged, pulling the mat out from where it was kept and laying a sheet overtop of it along with a blanket and a pillow. “Your family won’t worry about you out here?” 

“They don’t know I’m here,” she said. “I’ll be fine for one evening.” 

You nodded your head and sat down on the mat, watching as she followed your lead with the bed. 

The fire flickered a soft warm light into the room and you sighed, wrapping your hands around your legs. 

“Goodnight, my Lady.” 

“Goodnight,” she whispered and turned to lay back down on the bed and you allowed yourself to do the same. 

You tried to close your eyes and fall asleep, after a hard day of working outside usually you didn’t have much trouble. You stayed still with your eyes closed for what felt like hours before you really began to give up and open your eyes. 

When you did, you looked over at the bed and saw Violet seemingly in a similar predicament, tossing until she landed on her back, staring up at the ceiling, not noticing your gaze on her. 

It felt wrong to watch her, especially when she must have assumed you were fast asleep, but there was something that forced you to stare, to not turn your eyes away. 

You saw her hand reach out to touch her neck, like she was trying to remember a feeling. One hand rested just below her breast while the other hovered for a moment, hesitating to come down, but when it did, both hands wrapped themselves around her midsection as she turned back onto her side, facing the wall. 

You bit your lip and wondered how many nights she’d spent like this since her husband had passed away.

Alone. 

Aching. 

Lady Violet Bridgerton was a woman who the ton saw as constantly surrounded by others, but in the times you had seen her, you’d seen past the crowds of family and friends that encompassed her. You saw a woman who longed for something she didn’t feel she had the right to ask for. 

You turned onto your back and closed your eyes again, the sound of the rain crashing down on the house drowning out any further thoughts you might have, and as the smell of fresh soil, grass, and newly potted plants filled your nostrils, you closed your eyes and hoped that Violet would find whatever it was she was looking for. 

—

Violet stared up at the intricate design of her four poster bed frame. A kaleidoscope of shapes, diamonds and triangles carved into wood, dizzying in their patterns. 

She felt her hands move from where they rested against her chest, tracing along her skin before moving overtop of fabric, down her chest, towards her stomach where the fabric of her nightgown was already bunched up, having fallen from her knees down to her hips. 

She let her eyes flutter closed as she began to put pressure at the base of her stomach, gathering the courage to let her hands go lower. 

Just as her hand was about to slip past the point of fabric, to touch skin again, she felt someone gently grasp her hand. 

She opened both her eyes and her mouth to let out a gasp of surprise, but a finger came to her lips, quieting her.

“Shh, shh,” it was a gentle hush, her mouth unable to shut as she saw you lean over top of her, the shapes and patterns surrounding you from above sending her into a spiral. “Let me take care of that for you.” 

Violet could feel her bottom lip begin to tremble against your finger as she felt your other hand start its path from her ankle, moving up her shin, past her knee, and onto her thigh. 

She let out a light gasp as your fingers reached closer to her core, her own hand pressing against her stomach in some attempt to steady herself. 

She knew she had to do something while she still had her wits about her, so she lifted her other hand to wrap around the back of your neck, holding the side of your face, bringing you down so your forehead was pressed against hers, your noses touching as your fingers slipped inside her. 

She gasped with each movement, pulling you closer, her eyes closed, her nose scrunched, her mouth unable to shut, her breathing and quiet moans the only sound that filled the room. 

Violet couldn’t gather her senses, teetering towards the edge of something a long groan caught in the back of her throat.

Violet opened her eyes, taking in a gulp of air and quickly pushing herself up in her bed. 

She looked around her room, it was dark and empty. She looked up to her bedframe, the shapes causing her mind to spin as your face flashed before her. 

Her skin was sticky with sweat, the fabric of her nightgown clinging onto her as she covered her face with her hands for a moment, steadying her breathing before running her hands through her hair and pulling her knees to her chest, trying to ignore that pit of need in her stomach. 

She rested one arm across her knees, the elbow of her other arm using it as a rest while she ran her fingers through her hair, tugging at it, hoping the pain might pull her away from her thoughts. 

Moving on to pinch the bridge of her nose, she fell back onto the mattress, staring at the wall, too afraid to look up and be reminded of her dream, too afraid to close her eyes and let her subconscious gain control once more.

So she stayed like that, in bed, staring at the wall until the sun leaked into the room telling her she was finally safe, or so at least she thought. 

—

A few days had passed and Violet had barely left her room. She told her family she was feeling unwell and needed to rest, but in reality, she spent most of her time still dressed in a nightgown, sitting on the chaise lounge, looking out at the clouds that loomed overhead. 

When she opened the window to allow for some fresh air to enter the room, she could smell the rain in the air, the clouds making their way towards Aubrey Hall seemed to match her suspicions and she knew that evening she wouldn’t confine herself to her room any longer. 

Across the property, you had the Sunday off and used the time to enjoy the clear skies while they lasted, finding company in yourself, bouncing between a book and cooking a few things for yourself to eat while you mentally planned how the rest of your week would look like, assigning areas of the property based on priority and need. 

Gardening was hard work, there was no question about it. But the results were always worth it, every single time without fail. Looking at the finished product and being able to see beauty and order in something so wild and free. 

As the evening rolled in, and the grey sky was replaced by the deep navy that visited every night, you made your way back inside, boiling the pot of water for a cup of tea while you heard the rain begin to patter outside, drop by drop until it was continuous and loud against the roof of your cabin. 

You didn’t expect to do much else aside from sit and enjoy your drink, perhaps read a few more chapters of your book when you heard a knock at your door. 

Not knowing who was on the other side, you grabbed your robe and wrapped it around yourself before going to the door and opening it.

Your hand immediately flew to your mouth, “Lady Bridgerton…” your voice trailed off as you took in her appearance, in nothing but a nightgown, completely soaked, mud lining the bottom of it, her hair stringy and stuck to the sides of her face. You quickly opened the door wider and pulled her inside and out of the cold, closing the door behind you. “What happened?”

“Mistimed my evening promenade,” she said quietly. “I-I was closer to here than the hall…” 

You nodded your head and moved her over towards the stool in front of the fire, sitting her down and moving away to rummage through your things to find a towel, bringing it to her and wrapping it around her shoulders. 

She looked up at you, her lashes still dripping with water and you bent down next to her, tucking her hair behind her ears so it didn’t stick to her face, lifting the towel slightly to help wipe away some of the water that was still dripping down her face. 

You didn’t even think twice about the familiarity, unable to bring yourself to just leave her alone like that. And perhaps you didn’t think twice because she didn’t so much as flinch with your touch, if anything she leaned into your hand. 

“My Lady, you risk catching a cold in such weather,” you said softly. 

“I know,” she whispered. “I should be more careful.” 

“Does your family not know you have come outside?” you asked and she nodded her head. 

“I just needed a moment alone.” 

“According to your daughter, moments alone are all you’ve had these past few days,” you said. “Miss Eloise said you were unwell.” 

“I-I was,” Violet nodded. “What I meant is that I needed some fresh air after being in my chambers for so long.” 

You nodded your head and respected her answer, standing up from beside her and bringing her the cup of tea you had made for yourself in hopes that it would speed up the process of warming her up as the towel and fire helped to dry her off. 

When you saw her finally begin to get back to her normal temperature you realized there was no way she could stay in her current clothes, the bottom of her dress now caked with dry mud. 

You stood up again and went to the dresser, looking through a few things before finding what it was you wanted and bringing it to her in exchange for the empty cup. It was a nightgown, left in the cabin perhaps by a previous gardener’s wife, but it looked like it would fit Violet and it could do the trick for the night. 

She took it from your hands and slowly stood up, removing the towel from her shoulders before going into the small washroom to get changed. 

You hung the towel to dry by the fire while you waited and just as she exited the washroom with her dirtied nightgown in hand she saw you reaching for the mat you had slept on last time. 

“Why don’t you stay with me on the bed,” Violet said. “I could not impose on your kindness more than once.” 

You pressed your lips together and looked down at the mat in your hands. 

“I insist. It is big enough for both of us.” 

“Just barely, my Lady,” you looked at her just to make sure that she was absolutely certain. 

“Either we both sleep on the bed or I shall take the mat this time,” she said. “You’ve already done a lot for me tonight, I cannot possibly take your place of rest as well.” 

You chewed on the inside of your cheek and let go of the mat, sliding it back into its place between the bookcase and the wall. 

You motioned for her to take her spot on the bed, and she did so after folding her gown and placing it off to the side, sliding underneath the covers and moving to the side next to the wall. When she was settled you came in next to her, turning your back to hers, staring out the window at the rain pouring down on the property. 

The sound brought you back to that previous evening, under similar circumstances. 

You recalled the way she wrapped her arms around herself, how she tossed and turned and it made you think about tonight, how incredibly still she was lying, how she had melted into your touch. 

You felt your mouth begin to open and before you could stop yourself you asked, 

“My Lady, why were you outside tonight?” 

“I-I told you I wanted some fresh air,” she repeated her response from before. 

“What I mean to say…is why were you really outside?”

You could hear Violet swallow thickly. 

She fumbled over an excuse, her mind unable to give her a good enough lie to cover up. 

You turned so that you were on your back, now staring at the ceiling. 

“You must have known it was going to rain tonight,” you said quietly. “You saw the clouds and you still came out…” 

Your tone was not accusatory, but instead more of a query, like you were trying to figure out her logic, how this all worked out in her mind. 

Violet went silent at your comment, the only sound in the room was that of the rain coming down outside over the cabin. 

You are now turned fully, facing her back, the quiet intimacy of the moment giving you all the courage you needed to ask. 

“Why are you here? What is it you want, Lady Bridgerton?” 

When she did not respond to you, you whispered again, 

“Violet…What are you-” 

“Touch me…please.” 

Her voice was so quiet and strained, it was the most desperate plea you’d ever heard. 

Violet lay there, curled so tightly, the silence following her request so deafening, but anything was better than sitting like that for one more moment trying to figure out what to do with herself. She would rather sit in utter mortification than go another second with that fire burning in the pit of her stomach. 

And just as she thought nothing would come, she felt a brush against her neck, moving her hair back, over her shoulder, tracing a line that burned like hot metal on her skin. 

The hand moved back over her shoulder towards her chest, tracing a path that was so familiar, following every movement she had once done herself, from below her breast, across her ribcage until she felt a wall of warmth all across her back. 

Her breathing grew shakier with each prolonged touch, as an arm slipped under her waist, wrapping around her fully until she was held, until she could no longer feel that ache in her bones, that clenching in her heart. 

She focused on your hands, how they held her, how your body pressed against hers felt like sunlight. 

Your hand stayed where it was for a few moments, but before long, Violet felt it move from where it was draped over her waist and across her stomach, coming to her hip, your fingers gently grabbing the fabric and tugging upwards. 

One. 

Two.

Three. 

Four times. 

Four times was when the hem of the gown was finally between your fingers, when you could slide your hand between skin and fabric, making Violet shudder as you followed the curve of her body upwards, higher and higher until her breast was cupped in your hand and she turned her head towards you as much as she could, her breathing coming in heavier, needier. 

Your chin rested in the crook of her shoulder, your breath against her face felt like air. 

Your other hand, still wrapped around her, took advantage now that her nightgown was lifted so high, sliding lower, across the skin of her abdomen, under the fabric of her underwear, her breathing coming in anticipatory gasps until you finally reached where she was expecting, a moan escaping past her lips. 

Your touch felt like care, like water on the dry soil of a dying plant. 

You moved your hand in such a way that you could run your fingers along her before gently sliding them into her, you looked up at her, pushing yourself up, putting more pressure against her breast, her mouth open but nothing leaving but pants and sighs. 

You continued to move your fingers in and out, a slow rhythmic pace at first, watching with each movement how her chest heaved, how she moaned and whimpered when she wanted more. 

Your touch satisfied that hungry need in the pit of her stomach, but it also soothed the ache in her heart as you didn’t loom over her or sit next to her. 

You held her, her back pressed into your chest in a hold so familiar yet different it felt dizzying, especially when your thumb brushed against a sensitive spot as you moved your fingers prompting Violet to let out a loud gasp of surprise just as you moved your thumb back to continue its movement and pressure against her. 

Violet tried to find words, but none came out of her mouth, the only thing escaping was breathless want. 

Seeing her as she was, you could only think of the flowers you tended to, reared from mere bulbs into bright, colourful, plentiful bushes. How each year you would wait patiently until there was that one tipping point and the flower would open and from there it would bloom without bound.

Here Violet was, in that delicate stage, at that tipping point and you were ready to see the finished product. 

You pressed onwards, giving her more, listening as her moans and whimpers that she desperately tried to hold back came out needily, higher and higher until her eyes screwed shut, her nose scrunched, her mouth open as it let out one last sharp sigh before the waves of pleasure had finished washing over her and her face relaxed, her eyes still closed, lips still parted. 

You carefully removed your fingers, conscious of how sensitive she was, taking your hand out from underneath her, while the other gently let go of her breast, slipping out from underneath her nightgown to come and turn her face back upwards, towards you. 

Your hand was gentle in its caress, in its guidance, and Violet felt her eyes fluttering open as her head was turned. 

The fire crackled in the background, but its sound was drowned out by the rain, its light shining over Violet’s skin in a golden hue, every freckle illumined and sparking. The light that struck her eyes hit her irises in a certain way, giving warmth and life to their cool blue colour. 

You leaned down a little closer, admiring all these small things about the Lady that was lying in front of you. You leaned down until your forehead rested against hers and her eyes fluttered shut again, as did yours, her lips still parted, her breathing still heavy. 

You guided her chin up a little more, closing the gap with your own lips, pressing against hers so faintly. Everything about the kiss felt cautious whereas every other touch felt assured, that was until Violet lifted her head more, fully pressing her lips against yours, relying on your hand to hold her, to keep her steady until she could reach out with her own arms holding your neck, your waist, feeling the shape of you against her hand, her fingers. 

There may have been no harm in looking, but surely touching was much better. 

As your lips parted and you moved away only slightly to look at her once more, your hand brushing aside some hair that had come to cover her face. She moved her own hand to hold yours that was against her face, turning her head to kiss it. 

You moved to lower yourself next to her on the bed and she made the effort to turn and face you. From there it was easy for her to be wrapped up in your arms and to wrap her arms around someone other than herself. 

A few months ago Violet had hired a gardener, but little did she know that gardener would eventually tend to her.

[minkyungseokie]

第一章| Getting the Job

warnings; age gap love(R: 23, S:39, T: 50), gxg, throuple, controversial age gaps, random German and Scottish pet names,

note; first chapter! Idk how many chapters this’ll have. I know it’ll include moodboards, smaus, blurbs, and specials that you guys can request!

note2; I don't really like Bianca, so she won't be appearing a lot in this series. I don't hate her, but I don't like her either. If you have an issue, don't complain, just stop reading ❤️

Taglist is open, but only for 19 more people

note3; I decided to give her cochlear implants because I want too. She’s deaf now

fc; imleslie(on a Chinese Instagram app called Xiaohongshu)

Come Talk to Me

Driven by Destiny Masterlist | Next

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I do not give anyone permission to change, copy, or put my work on any other platform. It will only be on top, so if you see it, please report it. Or let me know.

Susie huffed, looking down at the sheer amount of paperwork she had on her desk. She wanted to grab a bite to eat, but she had so much to do and she needed a lot more help than what the employees around her can provide. She pulled out her phone and texted her husband, Toto, for some advice. She was a strong independent woman, but even strong independent women need a bit of advice from their spouses sometimes.

And what she got from him was beyond helpful.

A personal assistant.

She was going to hire a personal assistant to help her around the Academy. The list of requirements wasn't long, but it was specific and the requirements that were listed were important for the assistant to have or they wouldn't work well together. Susie typed out the application furiously, making sure that all her requirements were stated clearly and made sure that whoever was filling out the application knew what they were getting into. She made sure they knew what they would be doing, an estimate about the schedule, and what she expected of whoever applied.

Susie finished up and posted it to the F1 Academy website. She also made a Instagram post about it that was a joint post with the official F1 account and the FIA account. With a sigh and a satisfied smile, Susie closed her laptop and put it in her bag.

Now all she had to do was wait for the applications to roll in. She didn’t expect too many since a lot of people were only interested in watching F1 or were, since the fans were mostly men, protesting against the F1 Academy.

Y/n looked at the link that her sister, Rachel, had sent her. Y/n had told her that she needed a new job after finishing college and Rachel had sent her a bunch of applications to different jobs. They were all just random jobs she had found on the internet, which led to where she was now.

She was staring at an application to be a personal assistant to some billionaire's wife who was the leader of some academy for girls who like driving glorified go-karts. It paid more than any of the other jobs that Rachel had sent applications for. Y/n mumbled on her thumbnail, pondering whether she should aim high and apply for the PA job or should she just go for what she knows that she would be able to get.

Y/n was deep in thought when she was startled by the loud sound of her FaceTime ringtone, which happened to be one the songs from her brother's group. "Ah, shit!" Y/n yelled, nearly falling out of her chair, "Who the fuck?!" The dark haired girl growled, grabbing the phone off the table. "Hello?" Y/n answered, "Hey, Y/n. What are you up to?" The deep voice of her younger brother exited the phone as she set it up so he could see her.

"Ah, baby brother! How are you? Loving the new comeback." Y/n said, standing up to grab a bottle of water from her fridge. "I'm great. The comeback has been good so far. Have you heard the entire album?" Felix asked, "Yeah, of course." Y/n answered, sitting at the table once more. The two of them sat and talked about her brother's most recent comeback before the conversation turned to her.

"So, what've you been up to?" Felix asked, shoving what seemed like a chip into his mouth, "When did you get those?" Y/n questioned, pointing to the box of fried potato sticks. "Ah, Chan bright them to me a bit ago." Felix answered, shoving another one in his mouth, "Well, I was thinking..."

"Uh oh."

"Shut up, Lix. Anyway, I was thinking that now I finished University, I should get a new job. One that fits my expertise better, you know? So I asked Rach to help and she sent me some applications she found online..." Y/n said, looking at the open webpage. "Yeah?" Felix spoke, urging her to continue her words, "She sent me one for some F1 Academy. It pays well and I fit the requirements, but..."

"But what?" Felix urged, "I don't know what the F1 academy is and it's in Monaco." Y/n sighed. "Where's that?" Felix questioned, "It's, like, right beside Italy, I think." Y/n answered, "Okay, so what's the issue? It sounds like a good opportunity." Felix said. "I don't want to move away from our parents and sisters." Y/n set her head on her hand, using it as a way to keep her head up, "I don't think mum and dad would want you to hold back for them. Neither would Rachel and Olivia. They would want you to go. They wanted me to go." Felix spoke up.

"Felix, that's because it was your dream. Your dream was to be an idol, so of course they weren't going to hold you back from doing it." Y/n groaned. "Y/n it doesn't matter whether it's your dream or not. It's a better job opportunity for you until you're able to start modeling the way you want." Felix suggested.

Y/n thought about it. It would be nice to make money until she finds a modeling agency that wants to sign her because waiting around for something to happen won't make her any money. She needed to pay rent and keep herself fed, plus, from what she researched about Monaco, they did not collect personal income tax or capital gains taxes. There were no property taxes in Monaco, but rental properties were taxed at 1% of the annual rent plus other applicable charges.

Monaco sounded like a dream. She really didn't think that places like that existed, but knowing that she'd keep every penny of her hard earned money sealed the deal. Y/n applied for the PA position and closed her laptop, "Okay, now to wait." Y/n let out a breath as she looked around her house.

There was no way she wouldn’t be getting the job. She was once an extremely popular Formula Two driver before she ended up quitting. She had met the likes of so many old Formula One drivers who were excited to see her race alongside them when she was ready, but she unfortunately couldn’t continue due to her mother not having enough money for her to have a seat and unfortunately no sponsers wanted to sponsor her.

Y/n stood up and threw her water bottle away. She hadn’t kept up with Formula One since she had left Formula Two and she was kind of curious how her friends from karting and F2 were doing. They were obviously doing better than her since they refused to keep in contact with her, but it’s alright. She could barely remember anything about them anyway so it didn’t matter. It did when she was younger though.

After she left and they stopped talking to her, she felt like everything was falling apart for her. She was living in the UK at the time, but decided to come back to Australia to be near her half siblings and step mother and start her career in modeling or something in the industry. Of course, her plans to model next to the likes of the Hadid sisters or other popular models, had fallen through and she had only become famous as the half sister of Felix Yongbok Lee, the freckled cutie with a deep voice of the famous Korean pop group, Stray Kids.

Y/n pulled out her phone and ordered some food, hoping that it wasn't a bad decision to put in only one application for a job that might be out of reach for her. 

Oh well.

It had been a week since Y/n had sent in the application and she had been waiting for the call back. She was sitting on her couch, staring at the large flat screen TV that was playing a Sidemen Reacts video that popped up on her feed while shoveling hwachae* into her mouth when the sound of another song from her brother's band rang through the air. Y/n picked up her phone with the spoon hanging from her lips and looked at the screen.

It was an unknown number. Y/n didn't usually answer the calls of numbers she didn't know, but something within her told her to answer it, so she did. After pausing the video, Y/n hit the green button on the screen and put the up to her ear, "Uh, hello?" Y/n answered, accent thick. "Uh, hello. Is this Miss Y/n L/n?" A sweet feminine voice that was paired with a Scottish accent, asked, "Uhm, yes. This is her. How may I help you?" Y/n asked, setting the bowl onto the table and sitting up straight. "Yes, this is about the application you put in for the PA position at the Formula One Academy." The woman said.

Y/n sat there for a hot minute before her eyes widened, "Oh! Yes, ma'am. What about it?" Y/n asked, "I wanted to call and let you know that we are interested in having you in the position, but first we need to schedule an interview. Is there a specific time that you're available?" The woman asked.

"Uh, I'm currently living in Australia and not moving to Monaco until a next month." Y/n said. Truthfully, she didn't want to being that up, but she knew that it would be suspicious if she scheduled the meeting so far away. She knew that the fact she was living in Australia could possibly ruin her chances of securing such a good job, but she just didn't have it in her to lie to the very sweet sounding woman.

"Okay, um, I'll be right back. Hang on tight." The lady said, "Okay, ma'am." Y/n said. Once the woman put her on hold, Y/n put the phone on speaker, muted herself, and continued to watch her video until she heard something from the woman on the other line. 

"Uh, hello?" The woman's voice spoke up. Y/n paused her video and quickly unmuted herself, "I'm here." Y/n spoke up. "Okay, so, we usually wouldn't do this, but we really think you'd be a good fit for the position, so I'll tell you what. Save this number. My name is Susie Wolff. Once you're moved into Monaco and finally settled down, give me a call." The woman, Susie, said. "Okay, thank you, Mrs. Wolff. I'll call you once I'm in Monaco." Y/n said, "Alright. See you then. Bye." Susie said before hanging up.

Y/n looked down at her phone with wide eyes before jumping up and onto her couch with a large smile, "I got it! I got it!" Y/n cheered loudly, jumping up and down as if she was a child on a super bouncy bed. "Holy shit, I have to let Felix know." Y/n said, jumping down from the couch and grabbing her phone, which fell out of her hand after she jumped up onto the couch. Instead of calling him, she texted him since she never knew his schedule.

누나- Noona? 아, 누구세요?- Oh? Who are you? 현진- Hyunjin 릭시에게 전화기 좀 주실래요?- Can you give Lixie the phone please

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎… ⋙

Y/n quickly went to the room that held the boxes that she would use to pack away her things and smiled. It was never too early to begin packing.

Susie cheered. She had finally found the person she was looking for after a week. She was super lucky that she had decided to continue searching through the online applications rather than giving up on looking at the mediocre applications and deciding to hold a hiring fair or something.

Not only was Y/n L/n the most perfect candidate for the PA position, but she had the most relaxing and attractive voice Susie had ever heard other than her husband's.

Susie cleared her throat and looked at the work she had on her computer. She had never been as excited as she was now other than the time when she found out she was pregnant, had Jack, and started the Academy. Okay, she had been this excited before, but this is different. She can tell that she was going to be good friends with Y/n and shoe couldn't wait to work with the younger woman.

This was going to be fun

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@evie-119 @exotic-iris13 @alliwantisadonut @cheyxfu @xoscar03 @sunnylikesfrogs

[honeybubblebeeeeee]

Toji is 100% the older, rich boyfriend that will throw money at any of your problems because he actually hates seeing you upset when it comes to finances.

Being a university student and working part time, you have a lot going on and a decent amount to pay for. You are not estranged from your parents per say but they aren't ones to help out either. You never ask for help because that's what you're used to but you also feel bad asking for money so you never will.

Toji came back to your shared apartment. He of course had to practically pry you out of your old sketchy apartment because you didn't want to 'burden' him. You had insisted on paying half of the rent, bills and groceries but Toji just wanted you to be comfortable. You had worn him down for groceries and paying your car and phone but that was it.

"Angel? You in here doll?" He hunted through the apartment looking for you. Finally he found you in the bedroom, hunched over your laptop quiet tears fell from your eyes.

Your eyes snapped to him when he came in the room. You forced a smile, sniffling. "Oh you're home early. How was work?" You spoke so nonchalantly as if you obviously weren't crying.

"Why are you crying?" Toji tried to see what was on your laptop but you snapped it shut and wiped your face.

"Oh, I'm not I just keep yawning." A very forced yawn came out of you and you wiped your eyes again.

He almost wanted to clap at your attempt to cover it up. You moved off the bed and went to walk past him to the bathroom but his arm snaked around your waist, pulling you against him.

"What's wrong doll? Tell me who's got you upset so I can fix that real quick." His mischievous smirk made you giggle through the sniffling.

"It's nothing. It's stupid anyway." He tilted your head up to look at him. "I don't care what it was angel. Tell me."

You knew he wouldn't relent. Sighing, you looked down at your hands as you spoke. "My school offered me a month abroad for a course.... but then I found out that my sponsor pulled my funding and now I don't know if I can afford it and I really wanted to go and ugh it's stupid. I just applied too so now I don't know whether to pull my application or try to make it work somehow." Toji's features softened as you rambled on. He did remember you telling him about all the abroad courses and he agreed then and now that you deserve to go.

He chuckled, cradling your head as he pulled you against his chest. "Baby, you have a sponsor still. You're going on that trip. So, stop the tears, alright?"

You sighed and tried to pull away from him. "I just told you I don't have a sponsor anymore."

Toji picked you up and threw you to the bed. You laughed as you bounced. "Close your eyes angel." You rolled your eyes at him before closing them.

You tried to focus on your hearing to tell what he was doing. You opened your eyes as you felt objects softly hit your skin.

"Toji!"

Toji was quite literally throwing money at you. Then after there was no more cash, he dropped a handful of different bank cards into your lap.

"Like I said, you're going. No more tears and I don't wanna hear any arguments or I'll go to your school and pay for it myself." He softly gripped your chin, planting a soft kiss on your lips.

~ ~ ~ ~

random draft i just never posted, am working on requests so THANK YOU SM FOR SENDING i just want them to be good so im taking my time <3

[fictoculus]

Could you do Alhaitham and Zhongli voice lines about reader?

౨ৎ their voicelines for you; part 3...

send a request!┊masterlist┊taglist applications

part I┊part II┊part IIII┊part IIIII

FEAT... alhaitham, zhongli, ei

A/N... hellooo anon, thank you so much for the request! i apologise it took so long for me to get to you, i completely missed your request and then went on a "hiatus" of sorts, but hopefully i'll be writing more content soon ^^ i'm the opposite of experienced when it comes to writing for zhongli or al haitham, so i apologise if they're slightly ooc ♡ also, i just wanted to say thank you for all the attention and love that went towards my character voicelines ♡

✧ alhaitham.

"hm? *he turns to face the doorway, throwing a towel over his shoulder* oh, good morning, traveller, i wasn't expecting any visitors today. [name] invited you? alright then... take a seat, i'm just finishing up breakfast, i'll go wake them up once everything is ready *a small smile creeps onto his face, his eyes softening at the thought of you curled up in the covers* w- what? no, of course i'm not blushing, ridiculous... just- make sure this pan doesn't burn, i've decided to wake them up now instead *he scoffs* unexpected visitors, they better have a good excuse"

✧ zhongli.

"where could they be... *he mutters to himself, pacing with a stern expression* oh, traveller, what a pleasant surprise. say... you haven't seen [name] around, have you? no? ah, that's alright. what i'm doing? well, i'm waiting for [name], hence why i was curious as to where they are, we planned to go for a stroll together along the harbour, then perhaps continuing along the coast to pick- *his eyes seem to light up as he catches sight of you, his stone-cold gaze softening* excuse me, if you will, traveller my date has arrived..."

✧ ei.

"ah yes... [name] *she smiles subtly, yet without restriction* their name brings me pure joy. tell me, traveller, how did you come across such a name? why yes, i do know them. in fact, me and [name] are quite close. it feels as if it's been an eternity since i've seen them last... *she sighs, not in sadness but more so at the wave of nostalgia washing over her* the plane of euthymia has felt emptier than ever without their visits, why don't you tell them to drop by next time you see them?"

part I┊part II┊part IIII┊part IIIII

thanks for reading ♡ want to read more? my requests are OPEN, so please feel free to let me know what you'd like me to write next!

© FICTOCULUS 2023; please do not steal, translate, or repost my works as your own

[asterias-record-shop]

mommy kink dave lizewski please and thank you ? 😋 i love your work sm and would be so happy if you decided to write this !!!! 💓😖

╭════• ೋ•✧๑♡๑✧•ೋ •═══╮

— make me a mommy

╰════• ೋ•✧๑♡๑✧•ೋ •═══╯

𓆩[main masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[request/ask me something!]𓆪

Nympho! Reader who never wants to stop having sex after her and Dave take each other’s virginity and wants him to get her pregnant so they can start their family early. **also, lactating can start as early in a pregnancy as a few weeks

“Dave, stop it!” You whine, tugging on his shirt as he leaned over the table looking at ads that were put out saying ‘NOW HIRING’ in big letters. “We bought a house and daddy’s covering the bills for a year, you don’t need to work!”

We didn’t buy a house, your family bought a house for you both to live in. You were a daddy’s girl, and whatever you wanted, your father was surely going to get it for you no matter how much of a dent it put into his extremely deep pockets. Your father didn’t necessarily like Dave, but he didn’t necessarily dislike him either - he just wanted you to be happy.

Dave wanted you to be happy too, he really did, or he wouldn’t have proposed right after graduation. He was looking for a job so that he didn’t live up to your family's expectations of being a horrible person for you to marry. Dave truly did want you to be happy with him, and make sure your parents loved him just as much as you did - not in the same way though, of course.

"I'm almost done, baby, let me just put in this application in." Dave mumbled, inhaling as you slowly came behind him, rubbing his shoulders as you pressed soft kisses to his neck.

"Come on baby, we have stuff to get to remember? I'm ovulating and I found positions for us to try because missionary gets boring," you whispered, your hands pushing down his shirt as you looked over his shoulder at the applications. "You as a firefighter would be pretty hot."

"I don't know about that, honey," he whispered back with a sigh. "You got to go to school and training and whatever."

"What about that?" You suggest, tapping the position for an IT technician. "My daddy said they need one at his company. He can get you a good salary."

Dave shook his head, sighing. "No baby, I don't want any more handouts from your dad. I think a weapons dealer would be hot, don't you?"

You laughed, shaking your head as you tapped another square about the military. "What about that?"

"How would I be able to do that-"

"You being Kick-Ass and not having pain sensors in most of your body," you responded, giggling. "Come on, I would make an amazing military wife. Now put those up..." you pushed the magazines to the side, humming. "And come put a baby in me."

Dave swallowed as you grabbed his wrist, tugging him to your shared room as easily opened the door before jumping on the bed. "So, the article said that if I leaned over the bed a little bit, the sperm will find its way past the cervix quicker because of gravity. Do you think that's true?"

Dave blushed, shrugging. "I-I mean... gravity is real?"

You giggled, sitting up only to slip off your clothes before your stomach started to twist. You burped softly, covering your mouth before rushing to the bathroom and leaning over the toilet. You groaned loudly as you vomited into the toilet, Dave immediately following you and pulling back your hair while holding your shoulder.

For fucks sake, was this it?

When you finally stopped, he passed you a water bottle he got from your shared bedroom, watching as you swashed the water in your mouth before gurgling it and spitting it out. "David, give me a test."

"Y-Yes ma'am," he pulled out the drawer, grabbing you one of the tests as you stood and flushed the toilet, quickly doing your business and cleaning yourself up before flushing and pacing. "Y/N, honey, it's going to be okay."

"I want to be pregnant, Dave," you whisper, inhaling as you push back his hair. "I want to be pregnant with your baby, want to have so many babies with you. I want to be a mommy, Dave."

"You'll be an amazing mommy," Dave assured you, holding your hips as he stared down at your tits. They were already fuller; you had said that lactation can start as early as three weeks after talking to your gynecologist. "Such an amazing mommy."

You paused, looking down at your tits with a slight smile. "Do you want to see if it's... happening?"

He blushed, shaking his head. "I-I don't... I don't think that's right, honey."

"Why does it matter? They're not born yet, they don't need it," you whisper, smiling as you looked back. "Shall we see if it's true?"

"Of course."

You turned around and gasped, squealing. "I'm pregnant!"

Holy shit.

You jumped into his open arms, giggling as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, Dave spinning you around in excitement. "We're going to be parents! You're going to be a mommy, holy shit," Dave laughed as you stroked his cheeks. "You're going to be the most amazing mommy ever."

"And you're going to be the best daddy ever," you giggled, smiling as his hands ghost the sides of your tummy, eyes trained on your pretty tits. "Want to see if it's happening? We could celebrate with it."

"What, are you going to be my mommy too?" He teased, watching as your cheeks started to tint, smiling down at him. "Oh."

"Well come on. I'm going to be a mommy soon, I should get used to someone calling me that."

Maybe that's how you got here, Dave sucking on your tits as his hips rutted uncontrollably against yours, desperate to be deeper inside of you. "F-Fuck mommy, fuck, you taste so good, I need more."

You were so out of it, your hips unconsciously bucking into his in desperation to cum, to get that high as his hands paw at your tits, squeezing and letting his thumbs glide over your nipples. "I-It's early, Dave, maybe there's not much!"

He had been sucking and pinching, making you cum at least three times just from his work on your tits, oversensitivity flooding your entire body. Every thrust he made had you seeing white, every slide of his thumbs along your hard, pebbled nipple making your eyes roll back, each drag of his cock along your walls and his tip hitting what felt like your cervix.

"You said constant stimulation will make it produce more, right? Please, please mommy, I need more," he groaned, cursing when none was squeezed out of your tit. "Fuck!"

"D-Dave, there's no more, fuck! Just wait, wait a few minutes." You whimpered, staring down at your swollen nipples, gasping when he pulled it back into his mouth.

"Just a little longer, mommy? Please?"

You inhaled, sighing. "Okay."

What kind of mom would you be if you said no, hm?

Taglist: 𓆩[@lem0ns77]𓆪   𓆩[@cecepop15]𓆪   𓆩[@memeorydotcom]𓆪   𓆩[@your-favorite-god]𓆪   𓆩[@xyzstar]𓆪  𓆩[@just-my-shit]𓆪   𓆩[@your-mom21]𓆪   𓆩[@c78r]𓆪   𓆩[@dizscreams]𓆪   𓆩[@copypastedaphne]𓆪   𓆩[@asrt5]𓆪   𓆩[@xoxomoonlightbabe]𓆪   𓆩[@f-aggotry]𓆪

© asterias-record-shop

[youredreamingofroo]

On Repeat

// Click for HQ

Whew,,, I finally finished these! Thank you @elderwisp / @elksun / @living-undead / @dejasenti99 AND @yukikocloud FOR THE TAGS!!!! Holy wow :0

Tagging :

@circusjuney / @butteredfrogs / @mmonetsims / @flovoid

@birdietrait / @venriliz / @retrotrait / @mattodore

plus anyone else who wants to do this! Also feel free to ignore esp if you've alr done this, idk who has and hasn't im sorry 😭😭

// Extras under the cut - below is very long, so open w/ caution if you don't wanna scroll a lot 😭

This has taken the piss outta me (albeit fun), so i'm kinda just gonna explain how I think the featured line in particular is akin to the OC/Ship and not the entire song... as much as I'd love to 😭 Also it's just SUPER hard (for me) to find songs that I relate to my OCs, lyrics as well so skdjhnsjk

Roo's Song Oil & Water by Origami Button "When did I become like the ones I never thought I'd welcome in my home"

The above line in particular is quite literally Roo in the current story/character arc- He's looking at himself from a third person view and going "Oh. I am what I hate." He's looking at his old self, in college, and how he treated Leo, to now, looking at his present self and seeing the way he creeps on Leo, how he clings to him despite being several states over. Roo looks at the progression of his stalker-ish behavior, his obsession, how it went from just general clinginess that Leo could bear, to something completely unbearable after 7 years of no contact, it saddens him. So taking it quite literally, if he was at his own door and he knew how awful he was, he would slam the door on himself. A painful self reflection for him :')

Leo's Song Truth or Dare by Ricky Montgomery "Hiding in the closet, trying not to vomit, didn't even want it"

The entire first verse for this song can be applicable to Leo. As a teenager (15-16), Leo went HEAVY on drugs as a form of escapism from his parents, of course they'd always find him and get on his ass HARD for doing that shit. After a while of being sober, Leo started going to house parties, great idea- Flash forward to his third house party, and he finally cut his year long sober streak for drugs. as many as he could fit in his body. He had terrible influences around him so they encouraged him to do this shit, it didn't take long for his body to feel the god awful effects of taking so many drugs, so he ended up in the bathroom for a while- He tried to hold back the vomit because he was,,, partially enjoying his high, but he couldn't hold it back for long and ended up passing out, but not before nearly gutting himself from vomiting so much. Cut forward in time, and people got worried, bashed open the bathroom door and found Leo's unconscious body slumped over the toilet 🙃 Obv he came out fine, but it's a major moment in his life, because looking back on it, he realizes that wasn't what he wanted, he just wanted attention, he wanted to be cool, he wanted to be rebellious, but he didn't want to (nearly) kill himself. The render isn't one-to-one with the situation, but the lyrics are accurate so :3

Onia's Song Bloodstream by Soccer Mommy Scene used in render "Now a river runs red from my knuckles into the sink and there's a pale girl staring through the mirror at me"

Overall, the song talks about how the artist (Soccer Mommy) has lost her childhood innocence and how she wants to go back to her childhood and putting Onia's Sheep in Wolf's clothing motif aside, Onia misses being a child, and misses not knowing the pain and burden of being the complete opposite of what her parents wanted, so she spirals over this a lot, and like the lyrics say, "a river runs red from my knuckles into the sink," She tends to lean towards harming herself, in this case, her hands, and her knuckles- I can't draw or simulate blood in either blender or GIMP, so the red light is supposed to simulate the blood-sodden sink that she's standing over, and of course, "pale girl," is Onia, she's staring at herself, but additionally I like to think she's staring past the mirror, or staring through it (wink wink), she's spacing out and thinking about who she should've been, or who she could've been.

Hero's Song Following Eyes by Soccer Mommy "An awful feeling started creeping over me and what I saw was like no horror I had seen"

I'm keeping this short and sweet. It's not easy to find a song (that I like) that's about being haunted or cursed so. I had to re-use her song from her intro post, which isn't bad, but I did hope to find a new song kdsjhnsjk Anyways. Hero's cursed, pretty much anywhere she goes, she is forced to perceive ~the horrors~, sometimes she's forced into a blank space, a void (SOMETIMES,,, not a lot,,, rarely moreso), where she'll be tormented for who even knows how long, this moment in particular, she was walking along this catwalk in the dark, she eventually felt something that felt similar to someone dragging their fingers up your spine, in a moment of fear, she turned around and just. saw. She looked onto this,,, being, what she saw was "like no horror I had seen,,," Although to be fair, the creature isn't all that horrifying (which in my defense.. I'm a blender novice so </333)

The Hiraeth Song Nomu by Good Kid "Four eyes entwined draw four separate lines and none of them point to you"

I think this song overall is a perfect example of Roo and Leo's relationship both after Leo's confession and after Roo tried to reconnect with Leo. After Leo confessed, he tried to keep their relationship going, but it didn't work out, so he gave up (Roo didn't realize Leo was pulling such a weight and he just let their friendship fall out) After Roo tried to reconnect (aka the CURRENT storyline), Roo has been trying to keep things together and has been trying to make things work, but Leo has long-since given up on their friendship as a whole. Now in terms of the lyric above; Post-Confession, every conversation they had together would not be the same, they couldn't look each other in the eyes, their eyes would connect momentarily and separate almost immediately; Nowadays, if they WERE to be living together or near each other, they just would NOT be able to talk to each other, because Leo would be fed up with Roo and trying to avoid as much eye contact and general verbal+physical contact as possible with him. Roo, on the other hand, is just terrible with eye contact so he would have a terrible time trying to engage in eye contact with Leo.

The Ithanel / It's All Wrong Song From Eden by Hozier "Babe there's something broken about this but I might be hoping about this oh what a sin"

Ithuriel and Nanel's entire relationship is inherently toxic, they are not toxic to each other, but the underlying (or moreso, the OVERWHELMING OVERLYING) dangers of this relationship makes it toxic, broken in a way. Nanel risks her life going to see Ithuriel outside of work-related interactions and Ithuriel risks her life by just. seeing, talking to and loving Nanel. Whether they know (they do) or care (they dont) about these dangers, they still want this relationship, they live on, literal, prayers that they are not caught and that they can continue to love each other in peace, but overall, their relationship, in the eyes of the heavenly council (ehhh W.I.P term for IAW lore stuff), is a sin, and nothing but a sin.

Ithuriel's Song What You Mean by Rome Hero Foxes "Cause every little god damn thing you do makes me wanna get close to you"

The lyrics speak for themselves... Ithuriel is very dedicated to Nanel, and literally every waking moment of seeing and knowing Nanel drives Ithuriel up the walls because she loves her so much.

Nanel's Song Future Me Hates Me by The Beths "It's getting dangerous, I could get hurt, I know, I've counted up the cons, they far outweight the pros."

This is semi-foreshadowing, but Nanel knows that her and Ithuriel's relationship is forbidden, wrong (not cuz its gay necessarily,, 😭), and the way Ithuriel's heavenly role works means that their relationship status and every interaction outside of a required interaction is a risky game of one or both of them being punished and sentenced to death. But ! Nanel loves Ithuriel wayyyy too much to let how insanely dangerous their relationship is to get in the way of them loving and being with e/o.

Nirvana's Song 1999 by Beabadoobee "And I'm not wasting time again, closure instead of s^x, and I'm not wasting time again" Idk if I need to censor s^x but i am justttt in case...

Oof, Nirvana... Nirvana has always been sxually active, she's always had one-night-stands with other men, she's tried to continue things after that ONS, but it never works, she's tried to have relationships with women, but they just use her for s^x. She's tired of wasting time with people who just want her for her body, she's tired of s^x, she just wants, well, closure, she wants someone who will love her for her, she wants a relationship without s^x, or at least isn't s^x-focused, she just wants to know someone will love her past her body. Although aforementioned is all just a habit so she will unfortunately end up right back where she started and continue this uncomfortable and sad spiral.

[knightyoomyoui]

Jihyo x M/F Reader - "Just A Feeling"

This book makes a return today! For this oneshot, I'm sorry if this one may be complicated to read since I didn't make any outline for it and kind of... weird to read too, especially for female readers out there. This one is actually intended to be only for male readers because I think the plot of this suits them better since the story came from my perspective as a guy and from a real-life experience I'm currently going through. Don't worry though, I still tried my best to make this applicable to everybody since I made some changes to make it gender neutral, plus there's opinions from some various featured female K-Pop idols as my characters that portray my real-life classmates here, which female readers might relate to. So yeah, basically what you're about to read here is based on a true story (except starting from the climax until the end, which I just made up from my imagination since I haven't confessed yet lol.) about my huge crush with this one genuine girl from our class. And oh, I've said it already that it's not gonna be a fluff right? It's not gonna be a tearjerker though but for the softies there, this might hurt. Don't worry though, I'm going to write a one-shot special on weekend that relies more on fluff. Finally saw something that inspired me to write, that's why. Heh.

I was eating in our cafeteria along with my circle of friends in our room, talking about—well, guess what—sex education. We were trying our best to remain open-minded about the topic. Honestly, I don’t even have any idea why we would insert this topic to arrange a conversation in the middle of the public.

I know that these things should be taken seriously because they provide knowledge on how to establish a healthy sexual life in the future, but I just couldn’t help but feel a bit ashamed. Well, I wouldn’t be if only these girls would just lower their mouths whenever they'd ask or mention a term, especially when it’s too silly to hear.

I was afraid that others might hear us and lose appetite because of what we were discussing. I already made my move, providing a question pertaining to my curiosity and thankfully they answered me with the expected answer I wanted to know. That’s why I moved my head and roamed my eyes around to distract myself away from them since I don’t really find their current discussion interesting to me.

Looking around, there are many students along with us doing their own business mindfully. Eating together or alone in their respective spots and typing on the computer or writing notes as they review for their subject while on a break. Each was from different courses and grade levels, and of course we wouldn’t be the exception.

Some of our classmates too were on the another table, with them being formed together into their own circle they belong in. That is, until my eyes landed on her again as I check upon them. The girl with sharp jawline, boyish wild haircut, adorable with a touch of chic aura in her visual, and those big eyes I couldn’t avoid but to get sucked in whenever I get to be in contact with those shimmering pairs of hers.

The name of the girl I’m describing with much creativity and detail is Park Jihyo. She’s currently one of our brightest students in our class. If I’ll compare myself to her, well my intelligence is pretty below average and subpar to her attributes.

Whenever I glanced at her, I couldn’t help but pause and take a short time to admire what my sight was displaying for me. Just like today, she has that serious expression that I find both intimidating and… hot? Yeah, yeah, fine, you got me. I do think of her sometimes as a dominant or possessive girlfriend who loves to claim and tease, and I do get a bit intense and aroused just by thinking about it, especially when it fits her a lot along with her lean figure.

Damn it, you wouldn’t blame me. She literally is the embodiment of a girl crush that others would kneel on their knees for her. I may have not saw somebody like that, but oh I can’t just deny those words I’ve heard from the girls and guys on my room simping for her.

Setting aside to those qualities, I’ll make it plain and simple that she’s that beautiful in my eyes. I don’t care if I’m falling in love to a boisterous and fiery tomboy like Jihyo. Deep inside of that cool and boyish appearance of hers, I couldn’t count how many times I’ve encountered that soft girly demeanor she was hiding. That time when she squealed and raised both her fists in the air while looking appalled as the volleyball almost hit her face during our class in physical education would be my favorite.

She smiled again and laughed at whatever they were talking about, which is effectively contagious. She has that much effect on me already. Whenever her mood is, will be the same as mine. Guess I could say that’s how I could tell that I’m highly attached on her now.

I was so busy complimenting and being in awe of her that I almost responded too late when I saw Jihyo start to move her eyes around, and she went in the direction I was in. Just a little angle she shifted, and she would’ve caught my eyes staring at her, looking like it was attempting to hallucinate and connect to mine too.

But I was too weak for that, as always. I’m always weak for her. I pretend I didn’t just went to their side and busy admiring her as I returned to my friend’s discussion while my peripheral vision has unknown whether she felt like someone was stalking at her or as usual, nothing.

2 days later, we were waiting for the Calculus class to end because our professor has left us for some numerous problems to solve on the board and use it as an advantage to increase our points in recitation. He definitely might’ve went again to the mall and go eat samgyupsal again with his officemates at the faculty room that’s why we know we already have the freedom to be noisy and indulge on those differential equation as much as we want.

Our professor is busy grilling meat and stuffing wagyu meat in his mouth while us as his students were busy grilling our minds and stuffing numbers across the board.

While I was confidently sitting on my chair just watching my classmates go berserk on dribbling equations of their own since I already had my turn to have a recitation point, my female classmate named Miyeon invited me for a chat with her because mainly she’s bored.

We did chatter for any laughable random topics for like 10 minutes until I heard her enter a question that had me locked in on my seat.

“Say, YN. I noticed that you had shared so many sad posts about romance these days on Facebook. Are you heartbroken?” She asked me.

“Uhh… that? W-well, I just like those kind of posts. Nothing much.” I smiled fakely at her.

“You sure?” She stared at me. I just nodded and awkwardly removed my gaze at her as I act like I was trying to keep myself busy on my notes.

“You have a crush on someone, don’t you?”

I slowly turned around and my stupid self chose to rose my brows making myself shocked rather than meeting itself and show some confusion. Now I’m busted.

“H-how can you say so?”

“Wouldn’t most of the people around social media does that whenever they admire somebody and they just left to be… unwanted back?” She shared. “I’ve been through that, that’s why I know.”

I remained silent as I sighed. I glanced at Jihyo again, she was being recorded now by one of our close friends in the room as she explains the solution she wrote on the board. That’s what our professor instructed us to do so that he can acknowledge our points, is to sent him our video that we’re tackling about the equation we answered.

“There is, huh.” She confirmed. I was being too obvious already so with defeat, I just let her expose me more. “She’s in our class isn’t it?”

My eyes widened. My body trembled as she already made another guess but a more accurate one this time. Miyeon seems to be an observative type of person, and more untrained and horrible attempts of pretending that I contradict her guesses would just make me look dumber in front of her.

I sighed and chuckled at myself from getting caught. “Yeah. She is.”

“Woah!” She exclaimed. “So YN here also has a crush of his/her own here huh!” She teased me as she referred to me being another addition to those established “couples” in our room. Most of them were now officially together and others, well I don’t know but mostly I’ve learned these days that they already confessed and sadly, they were rejected but still remains to be a tough lover for them.

“Who’s your crush then?” I shushed her with my gesture, as there’s our classmates still sitting in front of us and they might hear us. I don’t want tk get humiliated more just by being put into a hot seat getting confronted who’s the girl i’m into these days.

“D-do you want me to give you a clue?” I asked, I wanted to play a game with her first she already caught me easily, now I want to test her this time.

“Oh sure, what is it?”

“Okay, hmm….” I hummed but I didn’t think that much because i already knew what I would give to her. “She’s a person.”

“Luh.” She reacted and whined. “Cmon, be serious!”

I just laughed at her befuddled response and think again, with all seriousness this time. “Okay, fine. She’s a social butterfly.”

“Ooohhh social butterfly…” Miyeon started to think. “There’s so many classmates of ours that are giddy to get close with others. Is it Jiyeon?”

“Nope. 19 left.” I said, crossing out one from the list of number of girls in our room.

“Aaaahhhh!” She screamed but jokingly, already panicking at just one guess. “Whooo?”

“Try more!”

“Aish, is it Julie?”

“Nope.”

“Ehhh?” She scratched her nape. “Next clue!”

“Okay fine, I’ll give you just three okay?” She nodded and readjusted her posture on her seat, she seemed very invested on knowing who my crush is. “The second one is… she’s smart.”

“Smart…” she began thinking again. “But most of us here are very good at anything.”

I smirked, feeling satisfied that I gave a mysterious clue for her more. “Is it Mina?”

“Nah.” I shook my head, but I admit in my thoughts that i almost fell for Mina once like back when we were freshman.

“Danielle?!” Miyeon’s eyes brightened as she thought she finally achieved the right answer. I shook my head and gave her an apologetic look, which shuts off the spark in her eyes instantly.

Miyeon pouted and lets out an even struggling look at me. “I’m starting to run out of ideas!”

“Miyeon you’ve only told me like… 5 of our classmates so far.”

“Fire the last clue!”

“Okay. The last one is that… you probably won’t expect her to be my crush.”

Her eyebrows lifted and hummed fascinatingly at me. “That just made things interesting. Won’t expect to be your crush? So it means it’s not actually your type but you just seem to get a liking on that person?”

“Hmm maybe?”

“Wait…” she paused that lasted a little bit longer than just few seconds. Her head raised and I wondered why her eyes softened as she slowly looked at me and pushed her head closer.

“What? You got the answer now?”

“YN… is it me?” Miyeon asked. She was staring at me with pure seriousness and jaw hanging slightly in surprise. I gasped as I was shocked at her answer. I know that she’s one of the girls around who is also pretty but still I didn’t expect that it really came out of her mouth, that she also considered herself too.

“N-no! It’s not you and Miyeon, you already have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah.” She agreed, understandably took my reason well. “But… it’s just a crush though, so…”

“Still no. I don’t fall in love to women who are already taken. I respect relationships and I don’t want to create conflicts for other people. Although, I admit that you’re beautiful.” I smiled at her. She returned the same and pushed my shoulder. “Wow, just like that huh?”

“I don’t know, you sound like you were urging me to say something nice to you atleast.”

“I wasn’t! B-but that doesn’t mean I won’t take your compliment at me.” She giggled. “Anyways, I pass. Cmon tell me who it is!”

I exhaled. To be fair, I wasn’t really up for sharing this with anybody. It’s not that I don’t want anybody to know because I don’t trust them, but I’m doing this rather to avoid the possibility that she may learn more about what I really feel for her from other people. I just want to be a complete secret admirer of her.

However, since I was already cornered by Miyeon, it seems like my plans have to undergo some changes. I feel a bit of pity for this girl because she has shared some of her stories with me, and I listened and kept them all to myself, just like she wanted to. Thatimplies that she views me as someone she can trust.

That’s why I felt obligated that I had to treat her in the same manner. I mean, Miyeon is one of the girls in our class that I find really pure and mature and who knows how to blend well when having fun with other people.

“Fine. You know I never really intended to tell this to others because for some reasons, I don’t want anybody to tease me, accidentally become obvious, or make others bother with what I’m facing at right now… but I do trust you Miyeon, you know that. And please let’s keep it to ourselves okay?”

“Oh don’t worry about me.” Miyeon then bounced on her seat with a large grin. “I’m so excited to know!”

“W-well… the girl that I’m-”

“What are you two up to?” My other classmate interrupted our conversation, looking at us as she twirled her body on the chair to go back and forth at us. I was surprised that we’re like able to be caught despite our distances being one vacant row from each other. Our voices aren’t even that loud.

Miyeon and I exchanged glances and she was controlling her laughter as she saw me looking nervous. “W-we’re just playing a game! He’s trying to make me identify who is-”

“Aahhhh wait, I think I know what you two are talking about.” Her eyes then shrinked and it went towards me who is blushing. She smirked and find my current state hilarious. “I’ve been seeing something about this one eh. I think I know who may that be.”

Both Miyeon and I were eager to know, especially me who is heavily related to the one she was talking about. About our conversation with Miyeon, she finally learn who that is and she was amused to know that she agrees at the clues I gave to her. She really didn’t expected that I’ll be admiring somebody like Jihyo and commented that it wasn’t visible to me all these time. She couldn’t blame me though for having a crush with Jihyo, as she revealed that she’s bisexual and she once had a crush on her too before she met her boyfriend.

Meanwhile, about our other classmate who is holding a thought that shares my secret. I wanted to know about it. Thankfully, both of us were walking home together since Nako which is her name, lives almost close to our neighborhood.

We were riding on a bus and we talked about what she said earlier. I had no choice but to reveal to her since I already did it to Miyeon and it’s going to be unfair if I don’t do it for her too. She might feel offended that I rather not to disclose it to her.

She learned and she laughed so hard that she was actually right which had me speechless. She found it interesting too just like Miyeon that I got to be in love with someone like Jihyo. Me on the other hand, has a huge “How?” question displayed on my head.

She only replied that it’s her guts that is telling her and even her didn’t expected that she would got it correct. What she said though did had me find it difficult to maintain my smile. “But really, for me I don’t see Jihyo being attracted to a guy/girl. It’s more possible that she’s rather into girls because of her looks, but she did told me one time what does she think of her gender and she only told me that it’s complicated. Will it still going to be okay for you knowing that your rivals when it comes to her were all female/male?”

She shared to me her observation and I got it immediately what her basis for that. I suddenly had Jihyo on my mind along with her tomboy look that can make girls crazy and gay for her. “I don’t know, I don’t mind it that much. They can all admire her for whatever they want. What matters to me more is Jihyo. Only her.” I just said nonchalantly to her, which she find a bit suspicious why I care less about it.

Whether by coincidence or not, more and more days have passed, and my other classmates that I’m close with are all girls. Have I mentioned that I’m comfortable and easy to befriend with girls rather than guys? I never had a sister in my life; that’s why I view them as my sister-like figures, but still, I know how to set my boundaries with them due to society’s common stereotype of seeing two opposite genders together.

They all also began to know my adoration for Jihyo, and they are either secretive or teaseful about it, and I find myself on the brink of danger whenever they do that on occasions that me and Jihyo would have an interaction together. Some examples I can give are when I, along with Nako and her, were discussing our anticipation of attending the concert of our favorite K-pop group this coming week.

I was expressing my loneliness to them rather because I wasn’t entirely sure if my parents would allow me to attend such a huge event like that and for me also to travel to a place that is very far away from our city. I was about to give up my hopes until a certain person simply boosted my faith again and not wanting to let me go that easily.

“You should go to that concert, YN! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, you should not waste it!”

Jihyo spoke to me and she gave me that hopefulness and positivity. She knew I might need it for her and if that so then she’s damn right. I couldn’t ask for anything more than to hear a support and concern than from her.

And later that night, I tried to ask my parents about it, and shockingly, they allowed me to, as long as I had someone with me. Nako joined me, while Jihyo went with her sister. I got a little excited, thinking I was going to be with her too, but that’s just fine. At least, I still got some heart-bursting interaction with her on social media when we both exchanged heart reactions on our posts about our experience at the concert.

Another time I could give that one of the best things I would want to just happen forever in my life was when I got unexpectedly sick in the school, and what’s even more suck about the timing is that we were rehearsing for our roleplay performance in just 3 days.

Our director set me aside for now and gave me a time to recover but ofcourse the worry of me not being able to make it to the deadline struck a fear on him. I just lay down on one of the benches with all of my classmate’s bags around me. I tried to sleep but the pain in my head just won’t let me go in peace.

I was about to go to the clinic with no other option in mind because I didn’t actually want to go there because, um, yeah, call me a scaredy cat, but I’ve heard many times from some of the students, including my classmates, that our school nurse is a terror. She’s so strict that there’s no doubt that once she finds me, my temperature will be high. Since the pandemic happened, these medical professionals have been very careful for the past few years.

One positive detection and surely I’m gone for today. I just sighed defeatedly because I wanted to practice today and to see her ofcourse. I sat up and gave myself time to prepare myself as I might feel dizzy standing up, but then I heard some footsteps and felt arms wrapped around me.

“J-jihyo?” I exclaimed weakly. She must’ve felt my body trembled in shock as I found her beside me. She just looked at me and tightlipped.

“You’re going to the clinic now?”

“Yeah. I have to.”

“You can’t do it by yourself. Look how weak you look. Cmon, I’ll join you on your way there.”

“Y-you sure? B-but they might look for you and-

“I just finished rehearsing my part. My next one is three acts after, so they wouldn’t mind.” Jihyo said. “But it’s up to you, can you do it by yourself?”

“Actually, I really didn’t want to go home yet.” I said with sincerity of sadness on my voice.

“I know, but you have to.” Jihyo said to me. “Let’s go.”

We started walking, and I gave one last look at my classmates. I caught Miyeon, who saw me with Jihyo smiling at us, and I knew what that meant. We went together to the clinic, and I feel embarrassed that I had to make a girl wait for me outside, even though she didn’t mind me that much. The nurse wasn’t even that scary; she was rather strict, but in the sense that she’s doing it because she cares for the students’ health.

She found my fever weird because… hmm how can I say this, well it’s like my temperature risen due to hunger, dehydration and possibly some changes of temperature also to the places I’ve been at since she discovered that I don’t actually feel dizzy or aching on my head.

That’s why due to my determination to remain here, she dared me to atleast decrease my temperature by having a meal and lots of water on the canteen or else she’ll have to excuse me to my instructor.

I went out of the clinic, accepting the challenge and Jihyo was just there sitting and using her cellphone. She felt my presence reappeared and she greeted me. “How’s there?”

I repeated what the nurse told me. “Come on, let’s eat at the canteen first if that so.”

“Yeah.”

“My treat.”

“Wait, what?”

We stopped walking. “Why? What’s the problem?”

“N-nothing, I just… didn’t expect it.”

“Just don’t do anything for now. Since I accompanied you, let me just be like that today before we get back there.”

In my surprise, Jihyo wrapped her arm around my shoulders, giving me that bro-cuddle. I felt super shy and almost going to melt because of the skinship she’s doing to me. It’s ironic how her touch can beat the warm temperature running across my body.

She was the one who bought our food and drinks together and she returned to our place with it. We just took our meal quietly then short talks about our interests again, but it was still enough for me. I give some sneak glances at Jihyo on my side, observing her sipping that iced coffee while she busily scrolls down on her phone.

My body suddenly felt lighter and numb, I think my sickness didn’t even exist to worry myself as I was just busy admiring her all over again. Not gonna lie, this just had me spawning another idea to imagine being with her more. A date with her is something I’d definitely would love to have someday with her.

But again, I knew I have no chance.

The deadline came and we were going back to the clinic, but just then Jihyo offered me something. It’s a medicine on the palm of her hand.

“Take this, it’ll help more.”

“Jihyo, you might need it once you-”

“But I don’t have one and you are, that’s why you need it more than me.” Jihyo rejected. “Just take it.”

I didn’t object anymore and took it at ease from her. “Thanks, Jihyo.”

“No prob, now get in there and hopefully you’re fine now. I mean, you’re kinda sweating now too so yeah maybe you really needed some rest.” She said as she poked at my arm.

I nodded and I entered with confidence, I know that Jihyo helped me a lot today. Fortunately, we were right. My temperature returned to normal still very close on reaching that low fever. I exit and immediately thanked Jihyo again which she returned with her gummy smile that I always loved seeing from her.

It was our classmates’ break too from the rehearsal and they saw us together rejoining them. As usual, Nako and Miyeon were the ones leading the group of people who knows my crush for Jihyo and they teased me about it.

And speaking of group of people who knows about my love secret, a new one has been added. It happened through our chat in Instagram when somebody replied in my story featuring a movie quote about loving someone but being aware of the consequences which makes you rather think twice on pushing yourself to chase for her feelings.

That person is the guy Jihyo is mostly close with in our classroom. They are both smart, but this one is smarter and they get along easily because they share the same humor. He replied to me saying “Who is that girl huh?”

I didn’t tell him yet. We went for some few talks until I recalled our time on the mall earlier with our other classmates. “Hey, I hope you don’t mind joining your circle like earlier. Maybe you guys might find having me uncomfortable, I just wanted to keep my closeness with you guys as my classmates.”

“We’re cool, YN. Actually I like it even more that you’re trying.” He said. “However, I do seem it doesn’t apply for somebody.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think out of everyone we were with at the mall earlier, I didn’t even saw you like interact or go near at Jihyo.” He said. I almost dropped my phone in disbelief. He did noticed me being shy around Jihyo. Sensing that he’ll end up as one of them who is about to find out soon, I didn’t wait for it anymore and after some few hesitation, I made up my mind to do what I have to do. “Did you two had a fight or something?”

“Ahh, that?” I said. “Well actually there’s another reason why you guys might find me sticking along to your circle more.”

He reacted a wow emoji on my message. My heartbeat racing as I typed the letters of her name on the keyboard. After i sent it, I waited for his reaction and what had me was his long laughter.

“Ahhhh so that’s why!” I can hear his annoying laugh behind the phone. My head just bent in shame and laughed poorly at my idiotic self. I don’t know if revealing my crush for Jihyo is even a good or a bad idea to do it with this guy.

“So yeah, I said it to you now. And I did it because I trust you so please, don’t let her know. She doesn’t need to.” I pleaded to him.

“Faggot, don’t.” He then continued with another laughter. Now I just want to rub my face on the table. “Good luck tomorrow, I’m going to tease you a lot from now on.”

I knew it would happen. I gulped nervously and chuckled again imagining what would I expect starting tomorrow if things will go in a chaotic change for me now that people are starting to recognize me because of being an admirer to our fellow classmate.

I prepared myself before going to the campus. As I arrived there, Sehun, which is his name, immediately laughed at me as I approach them who are waiting for our professor to arrive since the classroom is still locked. I just laughed back and whined at him to stop doing it frequently or else Jihyo might find it suspicious and it may attract her attention.

Thankfully, he did listened. He was just like doing it in a manner that he tries his best to insert a joke referring to me but Jihyo and the rest won’t notice. Before we went home as our classes for today ended, he gave me a short advice that began to repeat for the few days to come or whenever we get to talk together.

“Make a move already.” He said. “Do it. She’s easy to get along with. Don’t be nervous.”

I know to myself that I’m trying, but I’m not doing that to impress myself. I stand at my reason still why I don’t have any plans to make an action on how to make her mine. He did say it with the same idea I was thinking for the past few months since I started to develop an attraction to Jihyo, so I just listened to him while keeping my feelings behind me.

But again, being the dorky admirer that I am, I find it difficult to do whenever my feet would bring me closer to me or when I’m standing next to her. I couldn’t acknowledge her presence in ease. It was stressful, and it raises my belief that I am indeed a hopeless romantic.

It continued for few months that my classmates would also ran out of energy to disturb me with their playful gestures on leading me to Jihyo. They slowly didn’t cared at all and it was kind of relieving at least that’s going back to normal now that I can just move around without anybody noticing me. That didn’t last long though when I was walking home with my classmates and two of my other female classmates named Jeewon and Karina asked me randomly when Jihyo got mentioned in our topic.

“You still have feelings for her?” Jeewon asked me.

“Yeah.” I admitted.

“How long do you have a crush on her?”

I remembered the date today and that exact date when I proclaimed myself that I am indeed catching feelings for Jihyo. “Almost a year now.”

Both of them woah-ed. Karina took the turn to ask me. “Why aren’t you doing anything yet? You’re almost reaching a year, that’s long enough already.”

I sighed and slumped my shoulders. “It doesn’t matter. I believe its better if she must not know. I don’t want her to end up with me anyway.” I said weakly as my mind replayed that time when I talked with my other classmate named Lia who lives at the direction where my home leads at, stating that she learned that Jihyo doesn’t have any interest on this love thingie and she prioritize her studies first. She didn’t deny the part though that she already had an experience of being in love with somebody. Based on her report, they almost became a couple back when they were in senior high school but sadly, it didn’t happened for unknown reason.

Jeewon and Karina aww-ed in pity for me being a fallen soldier who still remains loyal fo a girl who will never be aware of my feelings and be mine. They just expressed their opinion that a year or more might just be wasted and more painful to see somebody I’m loyal with get to be rather with someone else. That’s why they still wanted to push me to try atleast.

I just kept it in mind but I haven’t considered it yet. I did have another reason with me that i didn’t shared to them which added to my reasons why I should remain on the shadows. I recalled from my chat with Lia that she has speculations to her ex-boyfriend, which is Sehun that he is interested with Jihyo too.

She even enumerated to me her evidences she observed which became a reminiscence to the things Sehun once did for her when he was courting her.

“First, you see how he always places himself next to Jihyo. Second, he was frequently escorting her with his motorcycle, to take her home or go to somewhere else. He did that to me once, and that’s when he found out where I live in and now for sure he knows where Jihyo’s home too. Lastly, he can just easily get access on her things without a permission. He even carries her bag for himself!

Don’t you think those were still nothing for him? I’m telling you, he’s chasing for Jihyo’s feelings just like how he did to me and what makes me afraid is that he might also waste her heart just like how I ended up into. He’s a player!” She said with all frustrations and I calmed her down. It threw me back to my conversations with Sehun and that advice he gave me which he always say in repeat that I should “Make a move already”.

At first it was just a simple encouragement to me but now after hearing what Lia said, I felt like it was rather a challenge sent to me. That I should do something now or else he’ll be the one who’s gonna win in the end.

Well, for my response? I don’t even care. Let him have her if he wants. If there’s some sort a miracle that it happens, I swear to God that I hope he won’t hurt Jihyo or else,I may reconsider and I’ll be there in no time.

Speaking or miracle, the reason I said it like that is because Lia and I share the same idea: “Pfft he wouldn’t have a chance with her.” Lia said in a mocking tone. “Jihyo doesn’t want to get involved with such guys like him. He may be great at words but internally? He’s immature, way apart to Jihyo.”

“Hmmm so that’s why I’m getting a weird feeling whenever I see them together” I revealed that I actually do get jealous whenever I see them close. At the bench where they review together with their circle, At the canteen where they eat and laugh together. And… yeah when he instructed Jihyo to hug him when they were riding on his motorcycle.

I just tried to hide my face contorting as my heart swells in pain seeing them like that. I was gaslighting myself that maybe it was nothing and they’re close friends that’s why. Jihyo met Sehun early when we became freshman that’s why them being close isn’t surprising anymore.

Until Lia came to dispose those lies I’ve been saying to myself. “See! Even you can see it from them. Trust me, YN. Sehun is making a move on Jihyo. I was his ex, I know him better when he acts for love.”

A month later, those all allegations and rumors we have for Sehun along with my other friend and former classmate who shifted to another course named Arin who also told me that she caught Sehun with another girl eating together and drive away on his motorcycle near at their neighorhood. Arin was living near to Sehun’s house that’s why. Arin even added that when her eyes met against Sehun’s it looked like he caught in the act and just quickly greeted at her back before they left.

Unfortunately, Arin didn’t recognize the girl but she did told me that she was wearing a uniform that is not from our campus, planting a seed that the girl is from another campus that he is also close with.

Going back to what I was saying, those all rumors were ended and disposed away when one day, me and Sehun are sitting next to each other at our subject about Psychology since our surnames’ initials are right next to each other, with mine before his.

While we wait for our instructor, he pulls out his phone and typed something before he poked me and made me look at it. I looked at the message he sent, I read it and it says:

“You’re in danger, YN.”

I furrowed my brows at him. “Danger? For what?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Boss is starting to speculate you.”

My eyes widened and my chest felt heavy immediately. His laugh got a bit louder but he stopped and typed again on his phone.

“Seriously? I-I mean, I’m not shocked since I knew it’s gonna happen. Secrets are meant to be unveiled-” I was just spitting nonsense now at this point, while I am heavily confused that she finally does began to notice me.

He presented his phone again. This time it says:

“Make a move already. Sungbin is almost at the end.” My brows deepened. Who the hell is Sungbin? I then asked it to him along with the question how did Jihyo suspected me, but instead he just said he will say about it more later.

That son of a bitch though left me hanging and getting eaten alive with all my curiosities for an entire day until I had enough waiting and I chatted him repeatedly about it while clearing up any misunderstandings that I’m not even expecting a lot or whatever. He finally responded and this is what he replied to me.

“Yup she shared it to me like, out of nowhere- she just asked. This is not what happened specifically, huh. This is just too long to read.

For her sake and yours. I don’t want to become your “middle man” even though you both are very distant to each other, got it?

After she approached me, she asked who do you like then ofcourse since you said before that you don’t want me to say it plus it’s not really my business so I just didn’t answered her.

But it looks like she didn’t really wanted to ask it then, I guess she got tired of waiting (just like you right now.) She then asked me directly if “Am I the one that YN likes?” and there, still with respect for you… I didn’t answered her. Not my story to tell.

But overall, just chill. No need to approach her about it anyway. Plus I don’t want to get involved if ever like “Sehun was the one who said it to you, doesn’t he?” Pass. I don’t want to get in trouble. There, make your move or don’t. It’s up to you. She's not thinking about it like actively, don’t worry. Maybe it just crossed her mind that time. So yeah, that’s your too long to read. Ciao.”

I thanked him and felt touched that he really did listen after all this time, and he became a man of his word for it. It’s still unknown though if he also harbored a crush on Jihyo, but during that time I did kind of notice that he wasn’t getting that much into contact with her that I might find jealous of. Maybe he gave up shortly and is now focusing on somebody else.

I learned afterwards that this is not the time that Jihyo starts to investigate her possible secret admirer, aka me. I confirmed from some of my classmates that Jihyo also asked them about it, and they also lied about it. I also feel like Jihyo is now also hiding a secret from me, as I found her following me whenever I take a spot somewhere else around the campus, yet still minus the talking.

I got nervous at the idea that maybe she’s testing or examining my antics if she can consider it that yeah I am getting shy around her because she’s my crush afterall. Realizing that she must have known now, I’m stuck if i really have to do it as there’s no more sense anymore if I have to continue being like this way.

I then hold on for few days until the time has come. I don’t know if this is such a huge coincidence or my classmates are pulling a prank on me. I did contacted them to confirm the location of our group study and the time which I quickly prepped up to head there.

But as I arrived there, I found Jihyo who is sitting alone and using her cellphone. It’s early in the morning and there’s not much students scattered around. It’s very quiet and peaceful but deep inside of me I feel like my emotions are going into war not knowing what I should do.

There’s no way out for me as I cannot leave anymore and Jihyo immediately saw me after she looked away at her phone. I had no choice but to come near at her while I try my best to compose myself. “Good morning.” She greeted me and I did the same.

“They’re still not here? I thought I’m already late that’s why I quickly went here.” I said, acting nonchalant and a bit confused.

“Same too. But since we’re here, let’s just wait for them.” I nodded and I instantly grabbed my things and took them out. From my peripheral vision, my senses are telling me that Jihyo is still observing me.

I don’t want to be weird so I silently plead that she stop, but as longer as we continue to be like this, I then realized that it was actually Jihyo who is becoming awkward between us. My patience couldn’t hold anymore as I see her blank face, I closed my notes and sighed heavily before I spoke the words I’ve never wanted to say.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about.” I said. Jihyo didn’t moved and stared at me, wondering what I’m talking about, so I proceeded with my words. “Making you uncomfortable and unhappy being around me, and it scares me. That’s what I’m being so hesitant for.”

I lowered my head, avoiding her gaze at me. What she said after made me lift up and put my attention to her as this is now something both she and I must discuss sincerely.

“So it’s me.” She finally comprehended what I’m trying the say.

“Always has been, Jihyo.” I confirmed, officially marking my confession to her and shattering my more than a year-length of being her secret admirer.

“And I just want to tell you right ahead that i’m very sorry.” I continued my heartfelt speech, wanting to make every thing clear for Jihyo. “We both know we ain’t that close or I don’t know, even be called as friends to have a normal conversation like this, and it’s my fault. It’s because of this deep infatuation- no screw that, I know for myself that this is indeed love I’ve been having on you that makes me act very awkward around you and trust me, I’m trying very very hard but I just cannot help it.”

“I do notice that I’m like the only one that you don’t get to interact with in the class.” Jihyo said. “Hearing that from you more, it did kind of hurt a litlle bit, you know. Seeing our classmates happy and comfortable talking with you, but I can’t have it the same as them. It did made me worried if I even did something bad to you. W-why does it have to be different when it comes to me?”

I frowned and took all of her rants with guilt. “I thought it was like that, but now I would just found out that’s all because you just… love me that much that you had to act like I’m non-existent?”

“I’m really sorry, Jihyo.” I muttered. “I have my reasons but it’s too many to say.”

“Then atleast enlighten me why do you have to set yourself away?”

“My fears and insecurities are not allowing me to, Jihyo.” My breathing is starting to get heavy as I sense the rising intensity of our confrontation. Jihyo was staring at me, puzzled. “It’s hard to escape. I’m scared that if you once knew, you will just ignore me because of it. That’s why I think not being close with you is much better because atleast I… I have nothing to lose more from you.”

Jihyo gulped and her expression turned into concern. She was about to move towards me but she hold on as I soon followed up what did she got taken aback from. My eyes swelled and a thin cold path started to drew from my cheek, and that’s when I touched it, a teardrop had escaped to present how much I’m struggling with this feeling.

“W-why are you doing this to yourself? Why do you need to hurt yourself more because of me?” Jihyo adjusted herself closer to me. Our eyes still ain’t leaving our staredown at each other. It deeply feels like i’m under interrogation right now that I have to defend and tell my side with all honesty.

“It’s just a feeling that I have.” I shrugged. “That i’m not the example of an ideal guy you would like to be with. I’ll just ruin whoever you are and we’ll end up being torn. Now you know why I didn’t want to confess to you because I’m not desperate for you to answer me back and tell me that you love me too. Maybe it’s better if you don’t.”

I was about to wipe my tears with my spare cloth but I was prevented by Jihyo herself who touched my hand and grabbed the cloth instead. Astounded, she damped it around my face and wiped my tears away.

“YN, please you don’t have to be harsh at yourself.” Jihyo sharpened her voice. I shook my head and tried to remove her hand.

“Don’t worry, it’ll end soon, when the time comes that my heart decides to stop.”

“AND IF I TELL YOU NOT TO?!” Jihyo suddenly yelled in front of me, slamming her fist at my shoulder. My eyes widened at her outburst. I went speechless, oblivious at the fact that I’ve been pushing her buttons further the more she hears me blabbering poisonous words at myself.

Her question rather, sounded suspicious. She returned her glare at me and she reached for my hand laying on my lap.

“I’ve had enough of hearing you hate yourself this much, you may not be fit on some of the qualities I want to the type of person I dream to be together with but I didn’t find everything about you horrible!” Jihyo complained. “And I am willing to get to know more about your capabilities, my standards weren’t even that high to be reach. I feel like it’s not right for me to be like that. If you hate yourself, then what about me? I don’t even think that anybody would fall for me who doesn’t even act accordingly to the gender norms this society has dictated upon.”

“Then I’m not one of them.” I said with confidence. “Initially, I never wanted to be in love again. But then I saw you and more time has passed, I couldn’t determine at first what my heart find you qualified to make me fall for you.

One year ago, I began as your secret admirer observing you from a far, and that’s where I started picking it all up. Many will find you rather handsome or a less attractive because of your boyish cut, tough posture, and antics that doesn’t suit you. But to me, I see different.

You’re uniquely beautiful and cute on your own that I couldn’t stand not to glance at your face for a second. I see this smart and mature woman that you would respect and willing to listen to every words she says attentively. God, you don’t how many times I imagine having you near me all the time just doing every ideas I could think to make you know how I’m deeply in love with everything about you. Just to make you feel special.

Jihyo, I love you because of how your authenticity shines through.”

After I enumerated all the signs that I find captivating from Jihyo and from how she shifted her gloomy mood into an uplifted state, smiling at the compliments I showered over her. She bit her lip and sighed as she looked away, thinking of something else for a while.

Jihyo then brought back her gaze and roamed it all around the sight of myself in front of her. “I really appreciated it a lot, YN. It did sounded sincere.” She nodded in which I mirrorred her. “We really can be friends, but this silly crush is pulling both you and I from each other.”

“S-so, you don’t-”

“No, wait it’s not like that!” Jihyo stopped me as she probably noticed that I misintepreted her. “I mean… you’re a cool guy and can you please stop ignoring me anymore? I-It really hurts when you only do that to me among the rest.” She begged with her softened dismayed tone as she pouted at me. I couldn’t care less anymore if I look like a tomato at how red my cheeks or face would appear from her cuteness.

“I won’t, I promise.” I assured her.

She sighed in relief. “Finally.”

Both sides became silent for a second before Jihyo proceeded again. “About your confession, I won’t reject you for now, YN.”

My hopes and dreams reignited and altered again with that single sentence that she said. I gasped and became overwhelmed at her response that I always thought after all these time that she would just nevermind and won’t take it seriously. “Please understand that my focus for now are on our studies, and you should be as well. I would also like to advice you to take care of yourself and use all of these time I will give for you to improve yourself and rebuild your self-esteem. I don’t want to see you being like this anymore, okay?”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I nodded at her as I listened attentively to her favor.

“Can you wait for me? I mean… if you can’t, w-well… if your heart gets tired of me, y-you can find someone new-”

“And what if I won’t?”

Jihyo considered my interruption and added a new suggestion. “Then how about I’ll wait for you to come back and you must do the same for me?”

“Deal.” We shook hands to seal it. As we slowed down the pace, I let out my gratitude for her. “Thank you for hearing my confession to you, Jihyo. You don’t know how light I feel now after I finally lift off this huge baggage I’m carrying inside of me for spending the entirety of the year admiring you which I thought that would be impossible.”

Jihyo slapped my arm and grinned. “Tss, it’s nothing. I want to also say thank you for speaking up to me about what you really feel for me and I appreciate it a lot, YN. All you had to do is to open up. Sometimes you just have to face your fears.”

We both smiled at each other and then burst out laughing afterwards to avoid getting ourselves trapped again in awkwardness. “There they are on the gate, we should start reviewing now.”

Jihyo began pulling out her things out of her bag and we opened our notes and papers. At this moment, we officially had a mutual understanding to remain being friends for now while we wait for the future to bring what we will end up to be.

3 YEARS LATER

Me and Jihyo were still friends until our last year level… while we couldn’t deny that the signs are still there in present. Today is our graduation day and we both received our certificates, declaring our successfully conclusion of almost becoming an engineer one step away.

As everyone were finally got called on the stage, awarded, and delivered their speeches, we were all commanded to throw our hats to the air and celebrate for ourselves of reaching this far for the best of our careers.

I went to my family and welcomed their greetings to me. I couldn’t help but to be emotional seeing them enveloping me into their embrace. I owe it all to their hardwork and dedication. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be here where they want me to be, and now me as well too. I’ll bring them with me as my start to build my life to its improvement.

After having my moment with them, now I went to search after to the only person that matters more to me than everybody else out there. I reached the center of the auditorium, it was empty, and my feet decelerated as I finally saw who I am looking for.

Jihyo was there, now in her new bobbed haircut, looking even more fantastic in her graduation gown. She was holding her award as mine and we faced each other from the distance in the middle of such crowded place. She smiled at me and I did the same for her.

I started walking to approach her and so did she. We stood face to face and we exchanged chuckles at one another.

“We did it.”

“Yeah. Can’t believe it as well.”

We stared at each other. I saw her smile slowly shrink from being proud to affectionate.

“YN… d-did you wait for me?”

“I… I did.” I nodded and smiled, although it’s hard as I knew what we’re about to discuss about.

“I’m sorry.” Jihyo said me and she couldn’t help but to cry for me. “I’m sorry if I couldn’t do the same.” I heaved out a long sigh as I try to mask my devastation.

“But you helped me in other way possible.” I comforted her, not wanting to see her drag herself down just because she failed to last long in the deal we made years ago. “You changed me for the better, Jihyo. Even though that I do admit that my heart is… shattered into pieces right now but that’s what doesn’t matter here.”

“I also give credit on you for what I am now today. I became the best version of myself just like you wanted me to be.” I smiled at him, despite my lips twitching in bittersweet. “I would’ve like it much to apply it on showing how I love you so much, that after all these years I remained loyal for you, I never gave up, Jihyo. I thought we’re gonna be something more in the end but… I was right all along.”

“The likes of us weren’t meant to be together. I have finally accepted that.” I nodded which urged my tears to fall more. “Despite in the way from our darkest days when you often refuse to run away just for the love you tried to save, that’s how it is. Some things cannot be saved when its destined to die.”

I looked at Jihyo and I swayed some of the hair blocking her mesmerizing beauty even with the ruined mascaras and smeared eyeliner.

“You probably even came to see me and hear me say I did too.” She said while she hiccuped on her sobs.

“No, I just came up to meet you to tell you how lovely you are today and…” I paused as I reached for the medal that is hanging around my neck. “W-will you please tell me this too for the last time? Have I made you proud too as well?” I asked her as I remember all of the times she makes me proud seeing her achieving all of those accomplishments she’s receiving because of her academic performance. That’s what motivated me to do better on my studies so that someday, I can make her be proud of me too.

“I know for sure I cheered the loudest I can get when I watch you grab that award, YN.” She nodded and smiled at me while sniffing her tears.

I feel contented at her answer. She immediately pulled me closer to her, my first and the warmest hug I ever shared with her. She cried aloud on my shoulder and I just hummed ay her as I try to comfort her as much as I can.

“Forgive me, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, YN. I wish I didn’t loved you for me to hurt you this badly.”

“I can’t hate you, Jihyo. You just discovered where your heart truly settles.” I said to her. “Don’t blame yourself now, please let’s just be happy for ourselves. Can you do it for me?”

“Y-yes…” I felt her head move around my hold. I knew she can hear my heart still beating loud for her. How I wish she still the same, but when I looked into her eyes, she’s not even there anymore.

I smiled at her, not minding what’s going on around us. I focused on Jihyo only, she’s the most important of them all as usual. It’s no denying that I gave her all I had and for sure I’m willing to repeat it.

“So this is what it feels like.” I lastly said before I broke the hug between us and exchanged congratulations for our success. I watched her return back to her place, to where she belongs. She reunited with her new boyfriend while I left as I finally lose control of my emotions. I cried out loud, defeated and disoriented.

I can’t believe that its over for the both of us.

[blue-sadie]

Trick Or Treat

Halloween Special~based off this vote

Ghostface Anakin Skywalker x Nerd Reader

Summary: his blood lust intensifys

Warning: modern day au, knife play, marking/carving into skin, wall sex

Yn/3rd person pov

The thumbing music made my ears ring, and the close proximity of people made me feel dizzy I don't know why I'm here but here I am dressed up for the occasion.

"Are you new or something" my eyes flickered over to one of the cheerleaders I think her name was charlotte as she stumbled towards me her speech slurring from her drunkenness, "um y-yea sort of" I murmured nervously fumbling with the plastic cup I had in my hand.

"What shit are you drinking" she muttered giggling to herself as she grabbed it and downed it in one gulp I grimaced as she almost choked slamming the cup down.

"Your drinking the fucking punch" she yelled out laughing to much for my liking "y-yeah" I whispered she quickly put her hand on my shoulder and leaned in, my nose crinkled as I smelt the alcohol on her breath.

She only stopped a few inches from my face her drunkly wavering as her eyes wondered over my face "I'mma tell you something if you want boys..... you gotta be more out there.. not like that bitch what is her name" she paused racking through or nut brain trying to remember my name.

"Yn" I murmured she nodded her head furiously "wait how did you know" she questioned tilting her head in confusion I shrugged my shoulders "just a hunch" I didn't fear affected by her words well not anymore at least.

She quickly turned to the fridge and opened it up, a shiver ran up my spine making me to look around my surroundings I felt someone staring at me, my eyes flickered around seeing a glimpse of white outside the window 'must be the reflection' I kept going till the landed on the jock and coincidentally charlotte's boyfriend 'jake'.

He smirked as he saw I caught him staring and he licked his lips as his eyes wondered over my body, my stomach churned in disgust "i-i think I'm gonna go" I mumbled leaving the room before charlotte could protest.

I wondered through the rooms trying to get away from people after a while everything seemed to quieten down "police" someone screamed and everyone started to bolt out the door.

I tried squeezing through but it was mer impossible "come follow me" I was grabbing buy someone and pulled in the opposite direction of the doors "where are we going" I yelled out but didn't get an answer, the person who was dragging me was in a black robe with the hood up and a ghostface mask.

I didn't recognize the voice because of the voice changer he was using, I tried pulling away as i heard the police starting to bang on the door he tugged me towards him pulling me into a room I haven't gone into yet "we have to get down there" he pointed at the basement hatch as he locked the door.

'I didn't know houses still had these things' I felt uneasy "i-i think I better go" I tried pushing past him but he caught my wrist "do you want under age drinking on your application for college" he stated tilting his head as he spoke.

I shrunk back pulling my wrist out of his hold as i was thinking about it he does have a good point, I let out a sigh "your right" I murmured and slowly started making my way down into the basement with him close behind me.

He flicked on the light to reveal a big room which was only lit by a dim flickering light I walked a little ways from him looking at the surroundings it wasn't much to look at "who are you" I asked looking back to the man.

He straightened up as I asked the question "ghostface of course you like 'do you like scary movies' he murmured pulling a knife out his robe I stepped back out of fear "I think the police s-should be gone now" I said backing away from him as he slowly came towards me.

"Oh they won't be" he chuckled darkly as he backed me into the corner of the room "h-how would you know" I asked as my heart beat quickened he chuckled again and put his arms on either side of my head using his body to cage me in as he leaned down to whisper into my ear.

"Because charlotte and jakes bodies are in the shed and I left a good amount of a blood trail to lead the police there" my breath hitched as he spoke it felt as if my throat was closing up "w-why" I panted as tears started to well up in my eyes.

"Aw your to cute" he chuckled moving one of his hands to grab my chin forcing me to look up at him as if on impulse I slapped him across the face making him stumble and curse in pain.

I gasped in shock and tried to run past him but fall as he grabbed my ankle "l-let go" I screamed trying to kick him but he grabbed both my legs hard his nails digging into my skin "don't make me kill you too little bitch" he spat as he hold slowly moved up my body in till he could reach my hands.

He grabbed both of my hands in one of his and held them down above my head "fuck your going to pay" he muttered my eyes widened as I saw apart of his mask was broken "a-anakin" I whispered out of shock he grinned widely.

He huffed taking off his mask letting his curls loose "your always to smart for your own good" he muttered tightening his hold on my wrists as his other hand brought up the knife to my face softly pressing the tip against my cheek.

I let out pants and crys of fear "please no" I cried and he cooed down at me and dragged the knife from my cheek down to my neck "you'll look so pretty covered in blood" he whispered and slowly started to dig the knife into my skin drawing a little bit of blood.

I screamed in pain pushing my head back into the concrete floor "perfect like I always imagined" he murmured laying kisses on my neck "please stop" I cried "but I only just began".

The knife slowly lifted from my skin making my body shiver "see yn your already shaking in anticipation" he grinned and slowly used the knife to cut away the dress I was wearing, he let out a shakey breathe and placed more kisses on my stomach and chest.

"Anakin stop please" I tried to wiggle my way out his hold but he held fast and let out a low growl as he moved back up my body to look into my eyes his eyes were dark and full of lust.

"Why don't you just let me have you" he moved the knife to cut off my bra and panties leaving me bare "just let me take care of you" he whispered I held my breath as I felt the knife against my stomach "let me mark you" he breathed out happily as he slowly started to drag the knife against my stomach carving his name into my skin.

"Stop" I cried he sighed pulling the blood aways fron my skin showing me the blood that dripped from the tip he then threw the knife to the side and leaned down kissing away my fallen tears "no one else can help you make you feel like I do your mine" he voice was low and deep as he spoke.

"Stay still" he said slowly letting go of my wrists I was petrified and to scared to move my eyes followed his movements as he slowly moved his way down my body in till his head was by my core "let me taste you".

His eyes locked with mine as he moved in closer opening his mouth and dragged his tongue up and down my slit my legs shifting and my soft breathes turned into silent moans he wrapped his arms around my thighs bringing me more onto his tongue.

"F-fuck" I whispered biting my lip hard as to not show him how he was making me feel he sucked on my clit harshly making my legs tremble and tease underneath him, he pulled away with a pop, licking his lips to collect all my juices "your so sweet baby" he praised kissing his way back up my body making sure to avoid the wounds he inflicted on me.

His hands on my thighs slowly started to move me against him as he slowly started to pick me up "there you go baby" he smiled and pressed me back up against the wall I tried avoiding his gaze and tried to escape his hold but I just didn't have the energy.

I felt him maneuver some of his clothing in till I felt his hard cock pressed up against me "be good for me baby" he smirked and slowly lifted me up to sink me onto his cock "fuck" we both cursed breathlessly "your so tight for me" he groaned.

He pressed he against the wall hard as he started to thrust up into me my moans started to gradually get louder as he increased in speed his thrusts making me body jerk, anakin moved his head into the crook of my neck attaching his lips to my skin sucking harshly.

"Everyone better fucking know your mine" he grunted against my skin my breathing started to quicken as I felt myself close to climaxing I slowly moved my hands to clench down on his shoulders "c-cumming" I moaned arching my back into him, "that's it baby let go for me" he growled as he continued to thrust into me, cursing at how tight I was getting.

I cried out in pleasure as I cam on his dick and my moans only began to heighten as he continued his thrusting "fuck I'm cumming to baby" he groaned as hid cock began to pulse and his thrusts began to fulter in rhythm "s-shit" he growled out as he released inside me coating my insides in white I started to feel light headed and dizzy making him coo at my half lidded eyes.

"Don't worry yn I'll make sure your right as rain by tomorrow because your mine now and I look after my things"

Tag.List

@sweetirilly @neteyamyawne @greekgods15

[666writingcafe]

A String of Texts

Part One

Diavolo: Construction has commenced for the school.

MC: *thumbs up emoji*

Diavolo: I've also opened up an application process to fill teaching positions.

Diavolo: Solomon was right. I'm not the only one who wants a better future for the Devildom.

Diavolo: In fact, this is the current state of my office.

Diavolo: *picture of desk and floor being covered with giant stacks of paperwork*

MC: *shocked crow sticker*

MC: That's a LOT of applications.

Diavolo: I know. I was wondering if you were able to help me go through them.

MC: Certainly. What sort of things are you looking for?

Diavolo: Well, I know that some of these aren't genuine. Either they want to use this as an opportunity to exploit me, or they want to continue bullying the brothers and figure that they could get away with it if they had some amount of authority over them. I can't allow that to happen.

MC: So, weed out the phonies. Got it. Anything else?

Diavolo: Figure out who's the most qualified for different positions.

MC: Is there going to be job interviews as well?

Diavolo: Of course, but I don't want to waste my time by interviewing just anyone that's applied. I have other duties to do, after all.

MC: Understandable.

MC: Solomon and I will swing by in a little bit to grab some of those stacks.

~~~

Part Two

Lucifer: I need you to come over and spend the night at the House. I have plans with the prince, and I have no idea how long they'll last.

MC: Will do. Do I need to bring/cook dinner for your brothers?

Lucifer: I would say that's not necessary, but the last few meals have been disasters, so do with that information what you will.

MC: *thumbs up emoji*

MC: I'll grab ingredients to make stew.

Lucifer: Stew?

MC: It's generally rather filling.

Lucifer: Even for an Avatar of Gluttony?

MC: Oh, he'll get his own pot.

Lucifer: Wow...you've certainly thought about this, haven't you?

MC: Just making sure I have all my bases covered.

MC: Moving on from food...

Lucifer: Yes?

MC: Diavolo has given me some paperwork to sift through, and I was wondering if I could bring it along with me.

Lucifer: Absolutely. It's important to complete assignments for the prince. I'll make sure you have a place to work.

MC: *thumbs up emoji*

~~~

Part Three

MC: Don't forget to use protection.

Diavolo: *picture of a box of condoms*

MC: DUDE

MC: I MEANT THAT AS A JOKE

MC: I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU ACTUALLY INTEND ON PULLING THE MOVES ON LUCIFER THIS EVENING

Diavolo: *laughing crow sticker*

MC: Allow me to give you a piece of advice, then: DON'T abuse the power you have over him to make him do stuff he normally wouldn't consent to.

Diavolo: I didn't realize that future me was that much of an ass.

MC: In my timeline, that sort of thing happened long before I came in the picture. Just...don't succumb to the temptation, okay?

Diavolo: I'll try my best not to.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

I Cherish You, Halcyon Days: v.

“You’re gonna die, kid. In the worst way possible.”

tags: afab!reader (she/her), angst, slow burn

pairing: gojou x reader + onesided!getou x reader

summary: You’re 15 years old when you’re told you’re going to die. You’re 17 years old when you realize who your killer will be. And you’re 17 years old when you make peace with the fact you wouldn’t want it any other way.

index | previous chapter | next chapter

"Sister School Exchange?"

"Yeah, it's this thing we do each year with the other of Jujutsu Tech in Kyoto," you lean back against Chinatsu's bed as your non-sorcerer friends look at your curiously.

It's a peaceful Sunday like any other.

Tooru is slouched awkwardly but comfortably at Chinatsu's desk playing Zelda, meanwhile Chinatsu has claimed her bed as her own while she braids her hair. Hard as these days are to come by now that you live in a school remote in some mountains on the countryside-esque outskirts of Tokyo, you relish when you have them. It's a touch of comfort and familiarity. "It's like a sports thing. Loser goes to the winner's school the following year. Last year we won so those suckers are coming to Tokyo."

"Who went where last year?" Chinatsu continues braiding her bright brown hair.

"We went to Kyoto," you expertly leave out the fact you didn't actually get to go. Nor the fact that you wouldn't be participating once again. Your friends don't need to know all that. Stupid special grade technicalities, you want to complain. There's no point, however, with the company you've surrounded yourself with. You're still more than a bit miffed at your inability to attend last year's Exchange.

"Is it an open event where anyone can go?" At your sympathetic grimace, Tooru scowls. "Damn rich people," he swears, rolling his eyes with an exaggerated sigh. His blue-black bangs are pulled back by a hairclip, fully displaying his newfound grumpiness. The idea of sports always kicks Tooru's competitive spirit into overdrive being a member of Tsubame High's rock climbing club. He tried getting you to join your middle school's team once. As it turns out, your grip strength was ass. And it still is if I'm being honest with myself. "Well kick their asses and send those losers back to Kyoto in shambles," Tooru demands as he returns to the visuals of Majora's Mask.

Oh if only. Well, you're certain that victory will be spelled out for your school once again if Gojou and Suguru have anything to say about it. You just know you won't actually play any role in it.

"I'll be sure to let you guys know how it goes."

ー

It's a toss up for you on which days you prefer at Jujutsu Tech. Some days it's Monday, Wednesday, Friday and other times you really appreciate a good Tuesday, Thursday Saturday schedule. It depends on how tired your are... and how much procrastinating you've done on your assignments.

After watching X-Men back in '01, maybe it shouldn't have been a surprise that Jujutsu Tech had regular classes but you still remember your surprise during your first week of first year. Apparently, you actually need to at least know the essential basics society deemed important. As such, Jujutsu Tech operated on a block schedule where certain days detailed which day you'd be learning standard course work or anything related to jujutsu.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday were dedicated to normalcy with classes like Math, Japanese, English and Japanese History. Those were handled by the assistants who actually had teaching licenses. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday were all jujutsu-based. History of Jujutsu, Application of Cursed Techniques and Exorcism and Physical Education. (Physical Education being a Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday class was the most surprising for you. But once you found out PE included sparring and mock battles against curses, you understood the picture.) These classes were handled by the sorcerers that did the heavier curse-exorcising work in this field with four teachers assigned a specific grade of students to handle.

With Nanami Kento and Haibara Yuu joining as first years, Fujioka still had her hands full with preparing the first years for the rest of their jujutsu careers.

Being in charge of the second years, Yaga didn't have much to do in terms of teaching late last year after Okita died. So the muscle head seemed pretty excited to go from 0 students to 4.

Yamada's graduated but with Utahime and Mei Mei being the new fourth years, Koizumi still has work to do.

The only teacher doing nothing now until next year rolled around at the Tokyo branch of Jujutsu Tech is Matsuno. If none of you are dead by the time third year rolls around, she'll have 4 students bothering her then.

This particular Saturday, classes have been halved for the day. Thanks again, irregular scheduling. And thanks again, Kyoto Tech. It's not the first day of it, that won't be until Monday. Still, today is the day the Kyoto Tech students are arriving and that is important enough that you don't need a full day of schooling.

You recall the names of the people of interest Utahime mentioned during spring break and try imagining faces to the names while Gojou loudly groans at Shoko's newest terrible attempt at explaining how reversed curse technique works. It doesn't help that it looks like smoke is exiting Haibara's brain in his own confusion.

"I think Shoko's right, Gojou," you grin widely at the snow-haired boy's head swivel in your direction. Even with the sunglasses, you can tell he's irritated. "You just don't have the common sense for it."

"Oh like you're able to understand her gibberish," Gojou's tongue clicks.

You're absolutely not. "Hyoo hyoi, right, Shoko?"

"Hyoo hyoi!" Shoko chirps back deviously. "[First] is getting it."

"See?" You gesture at the girl. A crumpled, empty soda can gets tossed your way and your hands fly out immediately to create a peach-colored shield of energy. "Sore loser!"

"Walking copyright infringement," you hate how that comment actually gets a choked laugh of you while you tell him your technique is called Rejection based on the Phoenix Wright franchise. So what if your abilities are reminiscent of a certain manga character with burnt orange hair and a pair of blue flower pins, Gojou should leave you be. You don't control the way in which jujutsu techniques are passed out.

"Why do I have to be stuck with the generation of teachers that don't know how to do reversed curse technique," he grumbles. "Why does the one person I know who can do it have the explanation abilities of a 5 year old? Who the hell did I piss off in a past life for this?"

Shoko tries to pull out a cigarette but it's snatched out of her hands by Suguru in equal parts concern and his own frustration at her less-than-stellar explanations. "I'm sure the list is long so thanks for spreading your bad luck to me too, Satoru," Gojou sticks out his tongue and brandishes his middle finger brazenly, Suguru flips him the bird right back. Yours and Haibara's giggles fill the air while Nanami, arguably the most sane of the six of you, sighs in annoyance.

It really is unfortunate for everyone that Shoko's pure instincts surrounding her abilities can't be translated into comprehensible words.

You learned the year prior in Application of Cursed Techniques and Exorcism I that it was really only relatively recently the jujutsu schools were established and passing down general knowledge outside of family became a thing. Unfortunately, the time in which these schools were created, information on reversed cursed technique was unable to be secured. So until Shoko is able to explain in full how she does it ー or the rest of you are able to start using it on your own ー Jujutsu Tech won't be receiving any updates to the cursed technique application curriculum.

"Nanami," Gojou points at the blond who already looks like he regrets even stepping one foot out of his dorm today. "Learn how to use RCT and explain it to me like a good underclassman!"

"I'd prefer to have a responsible upperclassman who learns on his own and teaches me instead," came the instant rebuttal from the practical sorcerer-in-training.

"Where's the fun in tradition?"

One last sigh of amusement later, you look at your hands thoughtfully. Rejection. A tiny shield stands tall in front your palm. But if we're talking about missing a few puzzle pieces, I'm assed out too. You sigh as Rejection dissipates. Why can't you have six little faerie creatures to help you create a variety of shields too? When it comes to you second years, it's easy explaining the roles you have based on ability alone.

You're the tank, Shoko's the healer and Getou and Gojou are both different flavors of DPS. That's not necessarily a problem, you know. Even the basics of cursed energy usage can exorcise a curse, but when it comes down to it ー you are your partner are both supports and having a bit of an offensive kick would come in handy at some point in the future.

So you decided at the beginning of second year that if you already were teetering the line of coincidentally ripping off Inoue Orihime's technique, why not go for the full thing and try mimicking the rest too? Your first assignment, creating a shield that sends back the damage and finally start stepping in the direction of acquiring an offensive move set.

It's just been a bit of a work-in-progress developing the technique in secret mostly because you have no idea what you're doing beyond the general principle of what you want to do. Dissonance and Disconnect will be your masterpieces ー whenever you manage to them figure out.

There's a tap on your shoulder, "[First]," Shoko taps you once again. "Help me carry back drinks from the vending machine?"

"Yeah, I got you," you'll figure out your masterpieces later then.

Together the two of you made your way to the nearest vending machine to the training grounds. It's not terribly far but it isn't particularly close either. You grumbled over this fact more than enough during your first year. You understand the lack of students means a lack of vending machines, but it would still be nice if this particular vending machine was close enough you didn't have to walk twenty minutes to get to it. "Do you think we could move it ourselves, actually?"

"Do you really feel like carrying that thing down a flight of stairs?"

"Never mind," you groan.

It's part way through your quest to quench everyone else's thirst when you see him. A boy donned in navy blue and gray traditional clothes and dirty blond hair with dark tips. He's certainly no student of Tokyo Tech, you perk up in realization. The boy is cute, you think. "You're one of the Kyoto students, right?" You wave politely as he glances at you. "We can help you if you're lost."

Amber eyes look you up and down before the boy turns to Shoko alone, "When I heard you were enrolling I was surprised, Ieiri," you can't stop your head from tilting, wide eyes blinking in surprise. "Considering all you're good for is healing your peers, you'd think your family wouldn't invest in your education. Especially considering

"Hey," you glare, sticking a friend out in front of your friend. "The only ones who gets to mess with one of us, is us." It's a privilege, not a right. "And all things considered, since Shoko's able to do shit you clearly can't, you shouldn't be running your mouth."

Amber eyes point your way again as the boy actually addresses you, "you must be the foreigner, your accent is very apparent." You have an accent, what of it? You learned Japanese from the ground and you were proud of the progress. No one can take away from you, least of all this guy. "If anyone shouldn't be speaking here, it's the one from a country so backwater you had to come to a foreign land to learn anything about sorcery."

"Naoya," Shoko finally speaks, mouth pulled into a frown. So this is the face you can put with the name Zenin Naoya. "How horrible to see you too. If you're looking to talk to Gojou and Getou, they're in that direction." The brunette thumbs behind herself in the direction you both came from. "Otherwise, you're a long ways off from the rooms the Kyoto students are supposed to be staying in."

You aren't sure what the boy has to be smirking about and you wonder how much trouble you'd get in if you tried punching him. "I know where I'm heading," the first year states, crossing his arms. "I wanted to see the Six Eyes of the Gojou Clan myself. But it'll be something to see the other special-grade as well."

"Yeah well get a good look at the dudes who are going to kick your-"

"Naoya," a deep voice interjects growing tensions. For once, something akin to a scowl dons Naoya's face as his expression shifts to annoyance. "You said you wouldn't antagonize the Tokyo students if I let you off on your own."

"That wasn't antagonizing, that was small talk," his upperclassman's face tells you he doesn't believe that one bit.

He's tall, albeit not as tall as Gojou or Suguru, with black hair with a dyed streak of green in his bangs."Sorry about our first year," the Kyoto senior bows with an exasperated sigh. You don't envy what he has to deal with. If Naoya had been included in the batch of first years Tokyo Tech received, you're sure you would have transferred schools. Or maybe you would have stayed out of spite. "I'll deal with him."

"Please see that you do," your cheek muscles ache from how forcefully you are smiling. What the actual hell is wrong with that guy? You side-eye your partner as the Kyoto first year skulks off, likely ignoring the scolding his upperclassman is giving him. "Why doesn't he have a hate club?"

"Believe it or not, that's not even as bad as he gets. That was actually Naoya at his best," Shoko has to be joking. This is another one of her dry humor jokes. Unfortunately, there's not even a wink of playfulness in her eyes. If that's this guy's best, I don't want to see what his worst is. "The rest of us were in a secret Hope Naoya Gets Homeschooled Alliance. Sadly all our efforts have clearly been for naught."

"Yeah, you guys really should have tried harder," you aren't sure there is any word in any language that could best describe him besides 'worst' and 'brat. And you know what? He isn't even that cute! The culmination of terrible traits in asshole shoujosei love interests created a terrible creature. I'll never say Gojou's a waste of a pretty face ever again. 

Even at Gojou's absolute worse, he's never held a candle to the display of disrespect you bore witness to. "I really need us to win this year. I am so serious if we lose to that pompous asshole, I'll quit being a sorcerer because I refuse to accept defeat from him. Matter of fact," you cross your arms obstinately. "I know we're winning this year and I can't wait to see his walk of shame out of Tokyo. It isn't enough for him to lose, he has to be utterly humiliated."

"I hope he fights Getou," your rant certainly appeals to the brunette who nods in agreement. "It would have been better if Getou was a girl," despite the disappointment that is your reality, Shoko's eyes dance with mischief. "But either way, he'll hate losing to someone who comes from a non-sorcerer family the most." At your look, Shoko blinks in realization. "Right, you wouldn't know. The Zenin's have a saying that basically boils down to the only sorcerer's worth their salt are from the Zenin family, but a non-sorcerer is basically less than human."

Every time you learn something new about the Amazing Sexists, the less you like what you hear. "Geez that family sounds like a real piece of work," you stick out your tongue in annoyance. "I want him to fight Gojou," you nod to yourself in satisfaction. "Their families hate each other, right? So if he loses to him I just know his parents will be pissed. 'How dare you lose to the son of the Gojou family! You're no son of ours! Leave this house!' or something like that."

Shoko's bob dances as she shakes her head, "doubt it. When you're that strong, winning is guaranteed. They'd be disappointed but not surprised, if anything."

"Why 'cause Gojou's a special-grade?" You purse your lips in your prodding. "Because if that's what we're going off of Suguru's got the win in the bag too. Or is it the Gojou comes from sorcerer family thing?"

"Partly the latter," Shoko admits. "But I told you before already. Gojou's pretty much a legend to sorcerers," yes, it is hard to forget when everyone talked about it. "They'd expect a loss if Naoya had to fight him. Maybe if he had the Ten Shadows they'd think he had a fighting chance, but I doubt he does because it would be talked about all over if he inherited it."

Has Gojou always been so... Your mind struggles for the right word. It dawns on you then that Naoya had referred to him as the Six Eyes instead of Gojou's family or given name. Objectified? It's an unpleasant feeling to admit to yourself that he is. Even slightly more so as you try to recall if you've done so yourself and how much you may if you did. You're sure you have. You must have. What else were the bulk of your rants with Utahime were about if Gojou ever organically came up in conversation?

"He's still just some guy," you wonder if your words are more meant to self-soothe than a solid argument. "He thinks eating pancakes is substantial for dinner. I don't know how he's never had a cavity."

"A guy who'll be in the future Jujutsu Tech textbooks and we won't even be footnotes," Shoko sighs at her joke of self-deprecation. "But yeah, it's too bad they won't have anything in there about how he eats his weight in junk food." She pulls out a piece of paper where she has everyone else's desired drinks scrawled on. "Anyway, let's finish getting the drinks."

ー

This isn't the first time you've come out to the training grounds past curfew, but you would have head in by now.

Perhaps it's your irritation at Naoya that has you practicing longer than usual. Or perhaps it's your own inability to advance your technique and the frustration beginning to boil over. It's likely a mixture of both. It's well-past dinner and the sun has set for the evening, your only light source being a lantern you took out of the storage shed.

If there's another thing this school needs, it is stadium lights for the training grounds.

"Uwah," You look behind you, noticing the approaching footsteps and you spot a familiar head of messy white hair. "I would have thought you were sneaking off somewhere more exciting."

"How'd you know I was sneaking out?"

"Was up playing Momotetsu a few times and I saw your cursed energy moving around," Gojou shrugs. It truly is hard to hide anything from those eyes. You wondered in the past if his ocular abilities were passive or something that needed to be activated. When you saw his eyes glowing in the past, you came to the conclusion it's a mixture of both depending on what he needed to see. His sunglasses are on but in your dark surroundings, you don't see any signs of azure glow. Seeing cursed energy must be one of the passives. "Finally got curious to see where you heading off the past couple weeks. Didn't expect it to be here."

"Well now you know," you rest a hand on your hip. "Go back to playing Momotetsu."

Gojou dropped a hand above his hidden eyes as if blocking out the sun, "Nah, I'm looking for Orihime's faeries now, they're out here somewhere," haha very funny, Gojou hasn't said that one before. Ever. His grin widens as he takes in the unamused roll of your eyes. "What are you doing back out here? I could hear your big feet clunking around even with my walkman on."

"If you must know," you ignore his last jab petulantly as he comes closer. "I'm trying to evolve how Rejection works by ripping off Orihime's moves. Sadly these faeries aren't worth shit, they're stingy and only work for her." That earns a snicker from your new audience and that manages to make you perk up. "Jokes aside though, I'm pretty sure I can make Rejection be a return-to-sender and even get it to cut things in half if I try hard enough. So I've been trying it out."

"Must suck not having a users manual," Gojou whistles.

You huff in agreement, kicking a nearby pebble. "Who are you telling?" That's the trial-and-error of coming from non-sorcerer families. Everything you learn about your cursed technique is through figuring it out on your own. Weird glowing orb thing? It's was just Suguru doing as dumb kids do when he decided to swallow it and see what would happen. You didn't even start using Rejection until you were 10, well past the usual date of ability manifestation, all because of an accident. "But if I look at it from a different angle, this just means there's no pre-existing guide to tell me Rejection can't do this or that. I test out those limits myself and be the one who makes the guide."

And if you ever had kids, they'd be the beneficiaries. If you ever lived long enough to get to the point you'd start considering them. You shake head, physically tossing the thoughts out of your brain. "Anyways, like I said, I'm going all in on the copyright infringement. What Kubo doesn't know won't hurt him," you chuckle to yourself. "So I'm starting out with trying to get Rejection to return attack energy back at specific triggers."

Gojou looks between you and the noticeably empty space in front of you. You can already tell what your classmate is thinking ー must be pretty difficult when there's literally nothing to shoot anything at what you put up. "... and you're doing that how?"

You puff your cheeks sheepishly, glancing pointedly in a different direction, "Casper's been a great assistant to me lately."

"So all you've been doing is wasting cursed energy and hoping something happens?"

"On the bright side, I've gotten really good at putting my technique up with various poses over the past couple weeks," you offer weakly with a cough. So far you've mastered the Jotaro Kujo point, the Okuyasu The Hand swipe and the Kakyoin Emerald Splash.

That comment gets you a light swat to the back of your head and you move to elbow him back, but you only meet the infinity between you both. "Just get to posing out your shields and I'll blast cursed energy at it," Gojou flicks his fingers back in a shooing motion as he walks a couple meters away from you. Before you can even attempt to dissuade him, he's already in position. "Tell Casper to take a hike for a while. You don't pay him enough to do overtime."

"You'll help me?" You've never trained personally with Gojou. Likely because neither of you felt the need. You didn't like him and you likely weren't someone worth training with from his perspective. You'd sooner expect Hell to freeze over. It must have frozen over then.

"I don't know how you're planning on making a shield that shoots back attacks without actually having something shot at it," he shrugs in the dim light of the lantern. "And I'm already out here."

"You know what," you rest your hands on your hips. "Dinner's on me tonight, what do you want? This is gonna work up an appetite for me and you eat like a horse anyway."

"Seriously?"

"Just don't say pancakes. Or waffles," you rack your brain for different loopholes. "Actually, I'm putting in stipulations ー there needs to be a protein and a vegetable, bare minimum. I'm making sure you eat actual food tonight." You're pretty sure there's salmon leftover from the other night from when Nanami cooked. And I could sauté the spinach so he doesn't complain much. "Salmon, sauteed spinach and something else. I don't want this to take forever so I guess I'll just go with rice since it's already late." Rice it'll be then. "This is your reward for helping me!"

There's a decent-sized blast of energy that hurls in your direction. "Um, excuse me, I thought I was supposed to pick what we eat?"

"Rejection!" True to your word, you point as if you're the JoJo of Stardust Crusaders. There's no energy that shoots back in Gojou's direction, but you'll figure out a pattern before the night is over. Maybe I should try something where Rejection can pocket that energy and then it gets shot back? "I changed my mind," you snort. "You're eating what I make and you'll like it. I don't need you dying of a sugar coma before the Exchange Event properly begins."

"Oh come on, it's a treat for helping you out, shouldn't I call the shots here?" The pouting begins much to your lack of surprise. "What sort of reward dinner is this? If this is how you treat them, I can see why the faeries didn't want to help you out!"

"Do you want a free dinner?" When there's no slick comment shot your way, you consider this a victory. "Beat Zenin Naoya's ass to kingdom come and maybe I'll consider making something you want without any sort of fine print. Do we got ourselves a deal?"

There's a smile in Gojou's voice. A smug smile, but it is in his tone nonetheless while he speaks, "I'd do that even if there wasn't a free meal on the line, you know."

index | previous chapter | next chapter

Extra

And we're back to our usually scheduled programming. I update once per week for four weeks, two week hiatus, then back to consistent updates. At least, that's what I decided on other platforms to give myself a break here and there.

Admittedly the Orihime copyright infringement joke is one of the few jokes I've been waiting to make. Glad this moment is finally here.

You also finally get to meet your buddies from middle school, Tooru and Chinatsu. There's another buddy too but he's a special case who won't be showing up for some chapters. I honestly have an entire mini TV series worth of shenanigans concerning this friend group but y'all will just have the tip of the iceberg. Hopefully when that gets touched on in a future chapter, you guys will find it as amusing as I do. Like I made it a point to mention, the Reader really wants to hold onto what she can of her non-sorcerer life. She's "*Miles Morales voice* I can do both" about it

Anyways, you and Gojou are bonding some more and it doesn't relate to food. This is growth. Reblogs and Likes appreciated.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

You're analysis are always very insightful! Your considerations about Malleus' restricted options in terms of partners made me wonder if Kalim would end up in a similar situation as him. This is of course entirely speculation, since we don't know much about how his parents got together, but to me it makes sense that in the future he might have to deal with something like an arranged marriage. He isn't royalty, but the Asim family still has a great deal of commercial and political sway in the Scalding Sands, so it's difficult for me to believe that they would just let the heir marry whoever he chooses. And despite how carefree he may act, I don't think he would reject an arrangement made by his family. He seems pretty aware of all the obligations that come with being an heir to the Asim. Besides, rejecting a spouse that was chosen for him might put said person under a lot of public scrutiny, and I don't think he would want anyone to go through that

[Referencing this post!]

Oh, hmmm 🤔 I actually never really though about this kind of thing for Kalim so I guess now is as good of a time as any www.

I do think like there would be some selectiveness involved for Kalim too, given the financial power and political influence in the Scalding Sands that the Asims hold (and that's not even mentioning their connections via family, some of which are royalty, and business partners). There's also been several attempts on Kalim's life, so there would probably be an intense screening and background check process for anyone courting Kalim. Who knows if they're actually there to kidnap him or to take his life??? The Asims would have very legitimate concerns, so they have every right to be vigilant and suspicious of those who may try to take advantage of Kalim's kind-heartedness and gullibility.

Mm, I do feel like (overall) Kalim wouldn't be in as much of a tight spot as Malleus?? I get the sense that his parents are way more open-minded and truly care about his happiness (unlike the Briar Valley senators) so they wouldn't exactly force him to marry someone he doesn't actually love. Rather than a "you have no say in this matter" arranged marriage, they might instead present Kalim with a pool of potential candidates that have already been vetted and encourage him to try them out? Like, go on various blind dates and see if he "clicks" with any of them. There would be more trial and error, more exploration allowed (since there isn't as much of a demand for Kalim to have an heir, especially not right away; he has so many other siblings and family members who could help or assume roles in the business). I believe this is similar to how matchmaking is done in some Asian countries (although I'm not too familiar with the concept, I've only learned a little about it through some podcasts). From my understanding, they try to "match" applicants with someone of a similar social ranking as you (so in Kalim's case, he would probably be meeting people who are also mega wealthy) and based on what you (and oftentimes your family) are looking for. If it doesn't work out, then there's less of a chance for backlash since pretty much anyone can use these services and a perfect match isn't a guarantee, especially on the first attempt. Please feel free to correct me if I got any information here wrong!! ^^

[jbuffyangel]

No Choice to Make: Arrow 2x07 Review (State v. Queen)

Is there anything better than Oliver saving Felicity? The correct answer is no.  Of course, my feminist side is screaming Felicity can take care of herself (and does in most circumstances), but my inner Gloria Steinem needs to zip it.  I want romance novel heroism and “State v. Queen” delivers on a swoon worthy level.

Let’s dig in…

Olicity

This is easily my favorite Oliver protecting Felicity moment because there are so many nuances in their two primary scenes. However, to understand those nuances we have to review a little background information.

The Count escaped from Iron Heights during the earthquake (and released the Dollmaker while he was at it). I love this explanation for returning villains because it makes total sense. Logic in Arrow is rare jewel – treasure the moment.

Moira's trial is under way, but Diggle is not feeling well. Oliver sends John home, but he collapses in the bunker.

Oliver: I heard you passed out.

Diggle: I told Felicity not to call you.

Felicity: Yeah, but before that you said ‘gaw’ and ‘thud’ so I didn’t take it very seriously.

Felicity has John's blood tested and there are trace amounts of Vertigo in his system. They try Oliver’s antidote, but it doesn’t work. Adam Donner, the lawyer prosecuting Moira, also collapses in court due to Vertigo poisoning. The Count kidnaps him and forces him to take the drug to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms. It’s broadcasted live, so everyone affected knows the only cure is Vertigo.

I feel I would make a pretty good drug lord after watching Breaking Bad, Power and Queen of the South. The key to success is return customers, so this is not a half bad plan. You have to admire the Count’s industriousness. Ghost and Walter White would definitely approve.

Oliver hoods up after Felicity tracks Adam Donner’s location through the city seal of the Starling Municipal Records Department, which is reflected in Donner’s eye. Ok, so science is not sciencing in this episode. Felicity is immediately concerned about Oliver.

Felicity: I know what you're thinking.

Oliver: No you don't. I made a choice not put an arrow in this guy and it was the right choice. There’s no more killing.

Felicity was concerned Oliver would regret allowing The Count to live, but it’s just the opposite. He’s doubling down on his vow to Tommy. Oliver is not a conflicted man. He knows he made the right call. That's called growth, my friends.

Felicity’s little assertive nod means she backs Oliver’s decision one hundred percent. In fact, I’m sure she had a whole speech prepared for why not killing The Count was the right thing to do. It’s not just Oliver who believes there is a better way – Felicity and Diggle believe it too. This is as much their mission as it is Oliver’s. They also made a vow to Tommy to do better.

Unfortunately, The Count has caught wind that The Arrow’s aim is not lethal these days. The Count holds his arms wide open – an easy shot – and taunts Oliver to kill him, while Donner is held hostage by a henchman. It’s always a bit of a pickle to determine how Oliver is going to get himself out of these situations without killing. I’m all in favor of the vow he made, but killing does have some practical applications.

Of course, Oliver always finds another way. He fires on some flammable canisters, which creates a fire in a drug factory – clearly against OSHA regulations. Oliver spins and throws a flechette into the henchman’s arm, so he drops Donner and they make their escape.

THIS SCENE IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. REMEMBER WHAT OLIVER DID.

Felicity and Diggle determine the common denominator between all those poisoned with Vertigo is a flu vaccine, but they need to be sure. Oliver is busy with his mother’s trial at the courthouse and Diggle can barely walk. Felicity decides recon is on her tonight and seeks out the vaccine distribution van.  Low and behold, there is an entire shelf of Vertigo in the van, but The Count catches Felicity as she snoops.

Oliver and Thea are waiting for their mother’s verdict, which could be coming at any moment, when he receives a call from Felicity. But it’s not Felicity. It’s The Count.

The Count: Oliver? Is it okay if I call you Oliver? Surprised to hear from me, right? Not as surprised as I was. You see, I find this… not unattractive blonde getting all up in my business. And what does she have on her?

Source:  laurelscanary 

Oliver can hear Felicity crying on the other line and closes his eyes in absolute horror when he realizes she’s being held hostage.

The Count: A Queen Consolidated ID badge. Now, I think to myself, why does that name ring a bell? Oliver Queen. He tried to buy off me last year just before the hood put me in a padded cell. Ipso facto, ARROW.

Source:  laurelscanary 

Oliver doesn’t bother to contain his rage and without a second thought leaves the courthouse. Thea calls after him, reminding him that the jury will have a verdict anytime. All Oliver can tell her is that something came up at the office, but he cannot hide shakiness in his voice.  Oliver is afraid.

Oliver arrives at Queen Consolidated, suit on but hood down. For practical purposes, he doesn’t need to conceal his identity from The Count because he already figured it out – something so many other characters have failed to do with much more information than he had.

But from a symbolical perspective, the hood down is crucially important. Oliver is not here as The Arrow. He is here as Oliver Queen. This is personal to him. So much of this series is about Oliver struggling to reconcile his two halves – the hood and the man, but Felicity is one of the few people who truly knows both sides. He doesn’t have to hide with her.

Oliver approaches very slowly. He recognizes The Count has the upper hand and he cannot afford any mistakes. Felicity is zip tied to a chair and The Count holds a gun on her while he strokes her ponytail. That action alone sends the creep factor sky high.

Source: @yet-i-remain-quiet

There is a sexual element to Felicity’s kidnapping. The Count referenced her attractiveness on the phone with Oliver. Now he’s stroking her ponytail. Oliver asks The Count what he wants and he responds, “World peace and personal satisfaction. Though not necessarily in that order.” He massages Felicity’s shoulders at “personal satisfaction” in the grossest way possible.

Source: @yet-i-remain-quiet

It’s a thinly veiled threat of sexual assault, which does not go unnoticed by Oliver.  There are few things worse than rape and it serves to amplify Felicity’s terror and Oliver’s powerlessness and rage. If the writers intended to keep Oliver and Felicity strictly platonic they would not introduce this terribly disturbing aspect into the scene.

The Count monologues for a bit longer and tells Oliver someone else hates him almost as much. This mysterious benefactor funded the Vertigo operation, so The Count could draw The Arrow out and kill him. (Spoiler alert: it was Blood).

The Count gets the drop on Oliver and fires off a couple rounds. It forces Oliver to run and dive behind a couch. It always surprised me The Count was able to get the upper hand in this moment, which points to Oliver’s fear for Felicity more than anything. He’s not thinking strategically when it’s her life in danger. He can’t.

The Count cuts the zip ties and grabs Felicity by the ponytail. He drags her to the spot where Oliver was hiding, ready to finish him off, but this time Oliver gets the drop on him. He points an arrow squarely at The Count’s chest, but he is using Felicity as a shield. The Count holds two syringes of Vertigo (a lethal dose) to Felicity’s neck. It’s important to remember Oliver’s antidote for Vertigo did not work on Diggle.

Source: @yet-i-remain-quiet

Don’t ever say to me Felicity Smoak is not a hero. She was willing to die to keep Oliver’s vow to Tommy. Felicity was ready to trade her life for Oliver’s soul. She believes in Oliver, and their mission, that much. What's madness is thinking Oliver would put the vow before her life.

The Count orders Oliver to lower his bow, which he does and tosses the arrow to the floor. Then we see him do something Oliver never does – he tries to negotiate.

Again, Oliver doesn’t bother to hide the fear in his voice which makes the negotiating sound a lot like begging.

The Count: Consider this your penalty for making me go to plan B in the first place.

The Count raises the syringes to Felicity’s neck and Oliver manages to pull not one, but three arrows in rapid succession - killing The Count. 

The look on Oliver’s face when he fires the arrows, tell me two things.  First, this kill is emotional. When Oliver shoots to kill he typically only needs one arrow. The Arrow never misses. Three arrows is excessive.  It is literally overkill which means one thing – pure rage.  

Second, the act is instinctual.  The rapid succession in which he fires the arrows shows there is something programmed deep in Oliver’s bones to protect Felicity. Her life was threatened and his body simply reacted.

Felicity drops to the floor and The Count crashes through the window. Oliver closes his eyes and exhales like he’s been holding his breath the entire time. I think it is part relief and part regret. He doesn’t regret killing that bastard, but regrets he couldn’t find another way this time.   

Or was there? Upon this rewatch I noticed a couple things. First, Laurel was held hostage by the Dollmaker and Oliver did not kill him. (Sara did the honors that time). But consider the scene with Donner. Oliver threw a flechette into the henchman’s hand to free Donner. The henchman let go of Donner as a reflex to the pain. Could Oliver attempt the same with Felicity? Would a flechette in The Count’s arm free her as well?

The point is we’ll never know. Oliver made a calculated risk at the municipal when he fired on the flammable liquid and injured, but didn’t kill, The Count’s henchman. Oliver was willing to take the risk when Donner and Laurel were involved, but not Felicity.

I’ve been watching a lot of Bridgerton, so the next scene screams romance novel to me.

Source: AARONSWARNER

Oliver makes his way to Felicity who remains crouched on the floor and crying.  He gets down on one knee and tenderly touches her shoulder.

Source: AARONSWARNER

Felicity immediately flinches in fear at his touch, so Oliver in a voice so soft it’s almost a whisper, gently reassures her. She finally looks up and sees Oliver staring back at her with concern and love. She exhales with relief.

Source: AARONSWARNER

The shock wears off quickly once she hears Oliver’s voice and feels his hand on her shoulder. Oliver’s first thought is for Felicity, but her first thought is for him. SHIP COUPLES WHO WORRY ABOUT EACH OTHER FOR CLEAR SKIN.

Source: AARONSWARNER

Oliver moves his uninjured arm from Felicity’s shoulder and cups her face. The man has an actual bullet in his shoulder, but can feel no pain because Felicity Smoak is alive and safe. She is all that matters to him.

Source: AARONSWARNER

These physical moments are no small thing. Oliver keeps an extremely rigged line with Felicity that he rarely crosses. Shoulder touches are the maximum physical contact he allows and even those are on rare occasion. But she almost died tonight, so Oliver allows himself to take it one step further and touches Felicity’s face.  Oliver’s whispered reassurances in his reserved-for-Felicity-only voice unveil the real intimacy between them. He comforts her. Not in the way Oliver would like, but in the way he can allow. The line is still there, but it’s blurred at the moment.

There is no moment which better encapsulates the two sides of Oliver Queen than this scene. One moment he is a rage filled killer and the next he is a soft spoken, loving and tender man. It is not an accident the two sides merge into one for her. Darkness and light working in perfect cohesion to be the hero Felicity Smoak needed.

Source: @laurelscanary

Oliver makes his way back to the courthouse. He is so visibly shaken that Thea asks Oliver if he’s okay. She touches his injured shoulder and Oliver flinches, but it’s not the bullet that’s bothering him. He came too close to losing Felicity. Way too close.

Source: @laurelscanary

Sadly, this somewhat reinforces what Oliver said to Felicity in 2x06. There is a direct correlation between proximity to Oliver and danger, so he thinks it’s better to remain emotionally unattached. In his mind, keeping Felicity at arm’s length means keeping her safe.

But there’s what Oliver says and what he feels. He can refuse to acknowledge or act upon his feelings for Felicity, but that does not eradicate them. If Oliver is truly worried about proximity then why does he allow Felicity to be part of the team? Two reasons, Oliver needs Felicity and firmly believes they can protect her. But this was a frightening close call and Oliver’s fear is stemming from a more than friendly place. Felicity Smoak has become too important to him and it is scaring the crap out of him.

Source: FERRISBUELLER

Oliver returns to the bunker after his mother’s verdict to check on Diggle and Felicity. The way he looks Felicity up and down y’all is… a lot. Queen Consolidated is formulating a non addictive antidote for the people with Vertigo poisoning. Moira is not guilty. All’s well that ends well, so Oliver tells Diggle and Felicity to go home and rest.

But Felicity needs to get something off her chest.

Felicity: Oliver, I uh…

The way this man spins at the sound of her voice like he's a golden retriever who saw a squirrel. He is so gone for this woman.

Felicity: I just wanted to say thank you.

Oliver: (nods) Yeah.

Source: laurelscanary

He truly cannot fathom what she is apologizing for and steps much closer than necessary.

Source: laurelscanary

It seems Felicity has inherited a little bit of Oliver’s guilt complex. YOU WERE KIDNAPPED MY PRECIOUS CUPCAKE!!!

Source: laurelscanary

HE. TAKES. HER. HAND. We had a shoulder touch, tender face caressing and now holding hands. At this point, this equivalent to first base for these two. MY BRAIN SHORT CIRCUITED.

Source: laurelscanary

Earlier in the episode, Oliver and Felicity discussed not killing The Count previously and how it was the right decision. Oliver’s certainty in the rightness of the decision solidifies his commitment to his vow to Tommy. It is not something Oliver is questioning or wavering on. 

But Oliver is not qualifying what happened to Felicity in those terms. This is not about right or wrong. In fact, it wasn’t a decision at all. Oliver was not calculating the risks. Oliver was not thinking about a vow, or honoring his best friend, or the mission. His only thought was Felicity and her safety. Oliver simply reacted. All he could see was Felicity. All he could feel was the unbridled rage that came from anyone threatening her life.  It is programmed deep into Oliver’s bones to protect Felicity. There is no rational thought when it comes to her.

Nor does he care if it was right or wrong now. Oliver is not Monday morning quarterbacking the situation. Someone raised a hand to her, so that person is dead. End of discussion.

There is a war happening between Oliver’s mind and his heart. Oliver was clearly thinking with his head when he told Felicity in 2x06 that he will not allow himself to love her. But this episode was a completely different story. Sometimes life and death circumstances bring a much needed moment of clarity. Oliver may believe he has a choice whether or not he loves Felicity, but his actions show his heart knows different. There is no choice to make.

Moira Queen

The trial is not going well, so Moira is forced to testify. Laurel is lead prosecutor now that Donner is infected with Vertigo.  "Conflict of Interest" is flashing in a neon sign. On any planet in the solar system, Laurel would recuse herself. THE INSANITY GIVES ME A MIGRAINE.

Laurel also decides she’d like to get disbarred and visits Moira in prison because they are “family." Yack. Give me a break. She doesn’t want Moira to take the stand because Laurel will have to prosecute her to the best of her ability and use their smoking gun. Sure, because now she cares about legal procedure.

So, Moira comes clean to Oliver and Thea and tells them she had a one night stand with Malcolm Merlyn while married to their father.  The kids are shocked to say the least. Oliver has a solid case of the yicks. Thea is more than a little angry since she accused her mother of having an affair with Merlyn last year. Moira assures Thea it was not an affair, so technically she didn’t lie. Moira should teach Professional Gaslighting 101.

Inexplicably, Moira is found not guilty. (In my notes: Hahaha suck it Laurel)

Even Oliver is wondering what the fuck just happened. Upon release from prison, Moira is driven to a secret location to meet up with none other than MALCOLM MERLYN. His explanation for being alive is basically, “I’m a super awesome actor and faked it.” Oliver – did you check his pulse? What happened to the body? Did we miss a step Team Arrow? CLEARLY WE DID.

Merlyn bought the jury and Moira’s freedom (Ummm thanks I guess?) so he can deliver the second bomb. He ran a DNA test and knows he’s Thea’s father. PLOT TWIST! Honestly, this makes a lot of sense. I wasn't that surprised. Thea looks more like Tommy than she does Oliver.

Wait, this means Thea kissed her brother. Are we just going to Star Wars this and never talk about it again? Works for me.

Stray Thoughts

Oh shut up Laurel. Quit your bitching - me every time she opens her mouth lately.

Ivo is looking for the hosen because it contains coordinates to a sub that sunk in WWII. Whatever is on the sub can save the world. Shado and Oliver hope it can save Slade, so Team Island is going on a submarine field trip!

Slade has burns on half his body and yet he can still move. The man is not human.

"I have this thing about needles, all pointy things, which is ironic given who we work for.” I just love her so much.

David Ramsey is so enormous he doesn’t fit on the table. The mind cannot conceive of all that muscle.

 “Mom secrets are what put you into this situation. Secrets and lies. And now is the time to give truth its day.” Oh the irony, Oliver.

Donner took drugs on live television. Re-election is going to be a real bitch for the DA.

I like the Thea’s boxing moment with Roy. Nice foreshadowing. Girl is going to have a lot of rage to work through.

Laurel did make a good point about Walter and Merlyn. See? I can be positive about her.

OLIVER. STOP. ASKING. LAUREL. IF. SHE. IS. OK. Her whole “how can you possibly forgive me” speech was also nauseating and not believable. I like her better drunk.

“I’m pretty sure they aren’t interested in Buddhism.” Slade is burned over half his body but he jokes.

30-30-175-12 I’m sure that has something to do with the comics but I don’t care.

Some guy named Cyrus survived Blood’s Frankenstein experiment. So that’s not good.

Listen to the Watchover podcast reaction to 2x07!!!

If you’d like to support the blog, please buy me a cup of tea!

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me!

[broodparasitism]

Everything I've Learned About Querying from Talking to Agents (And Traditionally Published Authors)

Disclaimer: I'm UK based, as was everyone I spoke to. I didn't include any country specific advice, just what I think is applicable regardless of where you live, put it might be useful to know this is from a UK lens.

As part of my course I was able to go to a lot of talks with literary agents (a mixture of literary, genre and nonfiction) and I picked up a lot of useful information - a lot of it not quite so bleak as I feared! - and thought it might be helpful to compile it for anyone looking to query agents in the future, so, here goes, under the readmore:

Querying

Remember that agents want to find and publish new authors. They're not at odds with/out to get aspiring authors. They want to work with us. This is someone you're working with, so don't pick an agent you won't get along with.

Manuscripts should be queried when they are as close to finished you are able to manage. There are a few agents that are open to incomplete manuscripts, yes, but many more that flat-out refuse unfinished work. Manuscripts generally go through about ~15 rounds of edits before landing an agent.

Send query letters in batches - around five or six at a time. There is no limit to how many agents you can contact, but you can't contact more than one agent from the same agency, so make sure you've selected the most suitable one from each.

In most cases you can't submit the same manuscript to the same agent twice - so having it be as finished as possible is all the more vital.

Some of them will take a long time to respond. Some never respond at all. If it's been three months of nothing, it's safe to assume that's a rejection.

One agent said she took on about two new authors a year, which likely isn't true for them all but is probably a reasonable average. For all of them, the amount of queries they get can be in the three digits a week. I can't emphasis enough just how many they get. I take a lot of authors to mean that means it's a 0.001% chance and despair, but that assumes each manuscript has an equal chance, and they don't. Correct spelling and grammar, writing in a genre that appeals to the agent, quality sample chapters and respecting the submission guidelines (more on this later) improve the odds by a significiant amount.

One agent said he rejected about half of his submissions from the first page due to spelling and grammar mistakes and cliches, for perspective.

You'll need to pitch your book. If your book cannot be pitched in three sentences, that's a sign it has too much going on and you'll need to do some pruning.

Please don't panic if you cannot come up with an accurate pitch for your book on the fly - you're not supposed to be able to do that. A pitch takes many edits and drafts just like a manuscript.

Send your first three chapters and a synopsis (this should be a page, or two pages double spaced. It should not include every single plot point though, again, if major things end up not there at all, question if they're necessary for the manuscript).

Three chapters is the standard - as in, if the agent web page doesn't specify how many, that's what to opt for. If they say anything else, for the love of God listen. If there was a single piece of advice that the agents emphasised above all else, it was to just follow each submission requirement to a T.

There needs to be a strong hook in these chapters. If your manuscript is a bit of a slow burn, that's fine, but you can cheat a bit with a 'prologue' that's actually a very hook-y scene from later on.

Read the agent's bio page throughly and make a note of what they like, who they represent, and what they're looking for, and highlight this in the query letter.

Your query letter has to say a little about you. It doesn't have to be really personal information (but say if you're under 40, because that's rare for authors and they like that), and keep it professional but not stiff, they say. If you have any writing credentials, such as awards won or creative writing degrees, include them, as with any real life experiences that pertains to the content of your book. But no one will be rejected on the basis of not having had an interesting enough life.

Apparently one of the biggest mistakes for debut authors tend to be too many filler scenes.

In terms of looking for comparative titles, think about where you want your book to 'sit'. Often literally - go into bookstores and visualise where on the displays you could see it. It's really helpful if you can identify a specific marketing niche. Though you want to choose comparisons that sell well, but going for really obvious choices looks lazy. A TV or film comparison is fine - as long as it genuinely can be compared.

Do not call yourself the next Donna Tartt. Or JK Rowling. They are sick of this.

Don't trust agents who request exclusive submission.

Or any with a fee. Agents take a percentage of your advance/royalties - you never pay them directly.

In terms of trends (crowd booing), there's been a boom in uplifting, optimistic fiction, but more recently dark fiction has been rising in popularity and looks to have its moment. Fantasy and Gothic are both huge right now. Publishers also love what's called upmarket/book club fiction - books that toe the line between genre and literary.

But publishers aren't clairvoyant and writing to trends is a futile effort, so don't let them shape what you want to write. Some writing advice I got that I loved was to not even THINK about marketability until draft three or four.

If any agent requests your full manuscript - this is crucial - email every other agent you're waiting to hear back from and let them know. This will take your manuscript from the slush pile to the top, and you are more likely to get more offers of representation.

The agent that flatters you the most isn't necessarily the best. Be sure to ask them what their plan for the book is, and what publishers they're planning to send it to - you want them to have a precise vision. It might be that their vision misses the mark on what kind of book you wanted to write, and if so, they aren't the right agent for you.

Research like hell! A good place to start is finding out who represents authors you love (the acknowledgements pages are really helpful here). if you can, getting access to The Writer's and Artist's Yearbook is very helpful, as is The Bookseller, the lattr for checking up on specific agents. (I was warned the website search engine is awful, so google "[name] the Bookseller" to see what they've sold. That said, only the huge deals get reported, so it's not indicative of everyone they take on.

I also want to add Juliet Mushen's article on what makes a good query. I owe a lot to it, and I feel like it's a useful template!

Once Agented

Agents send a manuscript to about 18-25 publishers, typically. Most books will end up having more than one publisher interested.

It can be hard to move genres after publishing a debut novel, especially for book two, not only because it means it takes longer for you to establish yourself, but the agent that may be perfect for dealing with manuscripts for book one might not have the skills for book two.

Ask the agency/publisher about their translation rights, their rights to the US market, and film and TV rights. Ask also what time of year the book is going to come out, if being published.

It's less the book agents are interested in than it is you as an author. You will be asked what you're going to write next, so have an answer. Just an answer - you don't need another manuscript ready to go. One author said she flat-out made up a book idea on the spot, and she got away with it - just have an answer. (This is also useful to put on the query letter.)

Caveat that this is, of course, not a foolproof guide to getting a book deal, nor is it in any way unconditional endorsement of how the industry works - I just thought it would be useful to know.