#appearance? so yes i would like to be a cartoon dolphin and no i would not like to be a real dolphin.

[d3ly-p4v]

😧

[diabloindigo]

How are you doing today?

Little tired and sore from surgery last week. I’m also numb in the chest area in the ribs. 

What day of the week is it?

Wednesday. 

What’s something you used to believe in that you don’t anymore?

There’s good in everyone. 

What do you admire most in a person?

Honesty and not playing mind games and strength (emotional). 

What’s your favorite dinosaur?

Velociraptor, triceratops, apatosaurus. 

Do you believe in reincarnation? If so, what would you like to be reincarnated as?

With all the grief I've been through, sometimes I think I was a tyrannical asshole in a previous life. 

I would like to be reincarnated as a house cat or a ferret. 

What are 3 scents that you like?

Sandalwood. Pine. That strange cleanser smell in airports and hotels when i travel. Yeah, I’m weird. 

Do you ever use the grounding technique 54321?

No, I think of pleasant things. 

What’s the silliest thing you’ve gotten injured from?

My right arm fake falling. It was sore for two months. And I had to muscle through some stiffness when I went swimming. 

What’s the weirdest food combination you enjoy?

Meat and sweet. I marinade ribeyes in Italian, ranch dressings and add honey. I dip chicken tenders and barbecue chicken in honey 

Where would you relocate if you were forced to leave your place of residence?

I’d move into an apartment. 

Do you play any instruments?

No. I bought a Hohner harmonica with the intention of trying to learn how to play over the summer while convalescing 

What is an unpopular opinion you have?

Star Wars and Game of Thrones are overrated. 

Have you ever done a crazy dare?

Yeah, and I want to say nudity was involved....

What’s your favorite type of cheese or cheese substitute?

Muenster, sharp cheddar, colby, tilsit, or anything ripe-smelling from the shelves at those boutique grocery shops. 

What are things you still enjoy from your childhood?

Summer. Eating sticky red or blues no-cones in the evening. That chlorine smell from after a swim at the public pool. Cartoons. 

What smells better.. fresh baked bread or fresh brewed coffee?

Coffee. 

What’s the oddest text you’ve received recently?

When I had my “burner” phone, I received a text from some random woman asking me if I liked her blue glasses frames. (I said yes.) 

What’s something you believe everyone should have?

Stability. 

What’s the first thing you do once you get home from a trip?

Pee. Or get something to eat before attempting to unpack my things. 

What has been the worst kitchen mishap you’ve made?

My dog stole a steak from the mini grill. 

Do you know how your parents met?

In high school

Do you believe love is blind?

Yeah

If you could get away with it, what crime would you commit?

Some sort of cinema style heist where I concoct an elaborate scheme with a motley crew to infiltrate an event and end up stealing cheese or a golden octopus statue with nobody the wiser. 

If you owned a restaurant, what would you serve?

Southern cooking. Fried chicken, turnip greens, mashed potatoes, chess pie, chicken fried steak, okra.  

Have you ever met a president?

No 

What food tastes better than its appearance to you?

Oatmeal. Frito Pie. Tapioca pudding. 

Do you actively post on social media?

Instagram. I still do FB only because 80% of my friends and family still use that hell site. 

What was your favorite childhood book?

The Mysterious Tadpole by Steven Kellogg. A kid is gifted a loch ness monster thinking he’s getting a tadpole. He raises his monster and ends up building a swimming pool next to his apartment so he can house his pet. 

Do you ever experience intrusive thoughts?

----------------

What do you consider to be the smartest animal?

Dolphins 

What movies make you laugh the most?

Raunchy comedies 

What’s a product you use everyday that you wish you could get a lifetime supply of?

Vitamin supplements. Soap. Deodorant. Gain laundry pods. 

What’s the best name you’ve heard a pet named?

I like it when people name pets after animals. I briefly had a gray-and-white cat named Goose. 

What always makes your day better?

Doing something random and fun. 

“Let’s try this Indian restaurant.” 

“You wanna see this movie? I can get tickets in there mins.” 

“There’s a Bahama Bucks. Want to stop for a snow cone?” 

Would you rather have multiple hobbies or 1 true passion?

1 true passion and 2 hobbies 

Coffee or tea?

Tea.

Do you listen to podcasts? Which ones?

I watch medical mysteries on Youtube. A grandma eats a pound of chocolate and this is how she has a stroke. 

Would you say you’re good at saving money?

I’ve slipped since I had surgery a few years back. After spending a lot on medical bills, I figured, “well, I spent $XXXX on surgery and medical supplies, so a $15 Disney pin or a restaurant meal isn’t going to make much difference in saving money.” 

I still have a robust savings account. It just hasn't gotten where I want it due to 2 surgeries in the past 2 years. And I worked OT to pad my paycheck before my recent operation. 

Have you ever ridden in the front of a roller coaster?

Once but it was a crappy rollercoaster 

Would you rather have free massages for a year or facials?

Massages

When was the last time you’ve had an adrenaline rush?

Paddle boating in white water rapids. 

Have you ever used a whole chapstick?

No

Has anyone ever given you a gag gift?

Yes, there’s that one friend who gives me lollipops shaped like genitalia. 

[darkpurpledawn]

So content warning for seemingly-dire-but-mostly-nonsensical medical situation in the aftermath of an accident and mild body horror played for laughs in this ficlet.

For @racketghost 's 13 Days of Halloween and prompt "bones"

“I almost hate to do it, that radiologist is positively glowing. And the residents are fascinated by your labwork.”

Crowley attempted to glower at Aziraphale through a tangle of tubes that were trying to assess his blood oxygenation, measure his pulse, and deliver saline solution, but were mostly just prompting their associated machines to beep in abject terror.

“You could be making a better attempt, I must say,” Aziraphale went on. He sounded ferociously, unnervingly calm as he picked at a disappointing muffin from the cafeteria. “I reckon I’ll have to wipe the memories of half the A&E at this point.” His voice had that particular tranquility which precedes major volcanic eruptions.

“Sorry I couldn’t look normal for the technicians, I was a bit preoccupied with my, what was it”--Crowley lifted a piece of carbon paper off the blanket with his unshattered hand and read--“extensive and irreversible blunt force trauma injuries and systemic organ failure. It was an accident, you know.”

“You hit three pedestrians.”

“I healed three pedestrians while I was bleeding out on Balfour Mews, angel!”

“Yes, I know, they’ve been telling the Daily Mirror they were chased by a swarming nest of vipers.”

“Look, demonic healing has some trade-offs, OK? Sometimes it makes sensible people give interviews with the Daily Mirror. Why are you so angry with me, I’ve never been more sympathetic in my life.” Crowley stuck out his bottom lip and indicated his numerous monitoring devices and broken limbs.

Aziraphale gave a quiet huff and looked back at the magazine whose crossword he had completed thrice in increasingly obscure languages. Despite the fact that he had at no point been thrown through a windshield that day, he seemed to be in a far greater state of shock.

Crowley appeared to lose his nerve at Aziraphale’s silence, and addressed his next inquiry to the muffin crumbs. 

“Is the Bentley, er, doing alright?”

“Well that’s the trouble,” Aziraphale said, angry at once. “The sodding Bentley didn’t crumple at all, didn’t even dent! After you were--forcibly ejected, it drove itself off to the Cartoon Cinema without so much as a by-your-leave.”

Crowley let out a relieved sigh that almost displaced his nasal cannula.

“One would think,” Aziraphale continued, crushing the muffin in clenched fingers, “that you were more concerned with keeping your car looking nice than not getting yourself discorporated, even now. I don’t trust that Hell would ever let you out again if--if it came to that.”

The heart monitor flatlined and began wheedling for supervisory attention. Crowley opened his mouth, then closed it, then after poking at the juncture of IV and arm he said “Angel, look, I didn’t--”

There was a knock on the open door frame.

“Mr. Crowley, is this a good time?” a short man in a long lab coat asked.

“Actually we’re rather occupied,” Aziraphale started, but Crowley cut in.

“Yeah. S’fine.”

The doctor paced up and down for a moment, looked at the flatlining heart monitor and the flickering oximeter, and swallowed heavily. “Ah, I don’t really know how to say this or where to begin. Quite frankly, Mr. Crowley, you are the luckiest man who has ever been admitted to this institution, and not a single person on our staff has the faintest idea how you are still awake and speaking.”

“Er, prognosis good, then?” Crowley asked. Aziraphale snorted without mirth, then covered the awkward moment by getting up to throw the crushed muffin in a rubbish receptacle labeled BIOHAZARD.

“Mr. Crowley, I don’t want to alarm you, but these are your x-rays.” He handed Crowley a bluish film.

Crowley stared at them for a moment. 

“So this is...bad?”

The doctor blinked once, and switched into a tone of voice like the one Aziraphale used for small children and Crowley used for especially recalcitrant rhododendrons.

“Sir, your entire skeletal structure amounts to your skull, a spine, and some supernumerary vertebrae. Your arms and legs appear to be made of cartilage developed subsequent to the rest of your bones. Your liver is nonfunctional and is covered in scar tissue that one of the ICU nurses noted appears to spell ‘PLEASE STOP’ in Latin. According to medical science and our leading bioethicists, not only are you already dead, it is completely unclear how you were ever alive.”

Crowley flashed an uneasy smile. “Miraculous, eh?”

“Mr. Crowley, you have the internal organs of a ball python and the pulmonary damage of a five hundred year old smoker.”

I quit in the nineties, Crowley mouthed at Aziraphale, who hid his head in his hands.

“Furthermore,” the doctor said, “Your body temperature was at 11 C before you underwent extensive blood rewarming, during which it was discovered your blood has the physical properties of tar bitumen and the pH of battery acid.”

Crowley twisted his several blankets. “It, er, runs in the family.”

“Mr. Crowley, I have never been so completely at a loss for diagnosis. A year’s worth of Lancet articles could be published on your congenital ocular condition alone. Your heartbeat has been undetectable for seven of the last eight hours, and yet you entered the trauma ward slurring to the paramedics about a recent purchase of beachfront property.”

Aziraphale’s head snapped up. 

“I’m afraid we’re really rather occupied,” he said, and drew his hand down with a brusque finality. There was a bright glow of light that made Crowley wince.

“Of course, Mr. Fell,” the doctor said in an altered voice. “I’ll have the discharge papers brought up presently.” He left the room, after glancing at the heart monitor and writing down a number it did not display.

“So, ah. Beachfront property.” Aziraphale bit his bottom lip.

“Erm, yeah. I, well, I might have driven off the road a bit when I saw the message from the real estate human. Angel, I, ah, I sort of bought us a house. I’d like a--gosh why is it so hard to talk? must be all the morphine--a future. If you want to erm, live in it with me.”

Aziraphale’s eyes were overflowing with tears, so it was perhaps understandable that he collided with Crowley’s bandaged face a little too hard when he bent to kiss him.

“My dear,” he said as his throat made a noise like a dolphin hiccupping, “may I kindly suggest that if you want a future so badly you put some airbags in your bloody car?”

Crowley flinched at the word ‘airbags’ like he flinched at ‘Pater noster qui es in caelis.’

“Fine, angel, fine. But if I do, I get veto power over all tartan slipcovers, seasonal wreaths, and chintzy fireplace knicknacks at that seaside cottage. In perpetuity.”

Aziraphale grasped Crowley’s less-injured hand, squeezed tight, and began to daydream about inflicting quaint garden statues upon the years to come.

[petaldancing]

fic: this’ll do for now

fandom: spy x family characters: anya, loid and yor summary: Four times Anya receives a toy, and one time she asks for something else. 4k words. read: on AO3 or below

notes: written for yuletide 2019 for penguinzero! i was inspired by a fan observation that Anya has quite a number of toys that appear throughout the different chapters (from a post by batneko on tumblr!) the toys referenced here all appear in the manga, but there are only overt references made to Chapter 8.5 (Extra Mission!) if you're wary of spoilers.

-----

1. 

“What are you doing, Anya?”

Papa’s using that tone again, the one where he’s trying to understand what she’s thinking. Too bad he’s not a mind reader. Heh.

Anya lets go of his hand to run up to the storefront and press her face to the wide window. Her gaze is fixed on the toys splayed across the polished shelves. There are puppets, and porcelain dolls, and even toy cars, but she won’t be distracted. She points a decisive finger to the glass and shouts: “I want that!”

Her chosen subject is a round, yellow chicken-looking doll that’s half-hidden behind a big teddy bear. It’s ugly and she already loves it.

Papa stands next to her and leans forward to get a better look at it. “You already have a doll, don’t you? Why would you need another one?” This question is accompanied by a clear and crisp thought, ‘What did those parenting books say? If you give into your children’s demands easily, they may come to disregard your authority and lose respect.’

“I respect you, Papa," Anya responds immediately, nodding so as to reassure him. “If you buy me that toy, I’ll respect you even more and listen to what you say.”

Papa raises an eyebrow, not in surprise, but in doubt.

Anya's finger remains glued to the window even though her feet are starting to hurt from tip toeing to peek through the storefront. She's determined to make a good case for ownership of the ugly chicken: "I need it to protect me when I get scared at night. It looks tough, it’ll be able to fight off any assa- assassi...”

“Assassins?” Papa corrects her. “You’ve been watching too much of your spy cartoon. People like assassins and hitmen don’t exist. You don’t have anything to be worried about.”

Papa’s being a bad liar again.

Before Anya can tell him he’s wrong, she notices him reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet and her eyes widen with hope.

“I suppose I could get it for you. You’ve been working hard to prepare for the academy’s entrance exams, after all,” he explains as he enters the toy store, the old wooden door creaking.

While Papa pays at the counter, Anya bounces over to Chicky (yes, she’s just given it a name) and pulls it into her arms, snuggling into the sweet-smelling fabric of its body. She starts to sing the Bondman theme song, already imagining the life-threatening missions she’ll have with Chicky as her sidekick.

As they walk out the store and down the street leading back home, Anya’s singing fades into the sound of the city bustling around them. She picks up the worry in Papa’s thoughts and goes quiet to listen.

‘I mustn’t make this a habit. If Anya keeps getting what she wants, she’ll end up taking these things for granted.’ It is sharp and pointed and makes her flinch.  

Anya stops just then, standing in the middle of the sidewalk. It's late in the day and there aren't many people walking about, but those that do walk pass look between her and Papa with curiosity and concern.

"What is it now, Anya?"

She hugs Chicky close to herself. It’s all soft and smooth and new, and smells like fresh flowers. She doesn’t remember having anything like this in the orphanage. It makes her happy yet lonely.

“This is Papa’s first gift for me. I’ll always treasure it!”

She waits, and when Papa doesn't say anything, she screws her eyes shut and tries to hear the words inside his brain.

Nothing—it's blank for once.

When she opens her eyes, she sees that he's stretched out his empty hand to her.

“Alright, Anya. Come now, Yor is probably waiting for us to have dinner,” he says as she takes his hand. They resume their journey down the familiar street, passing the baker’s and the tailor’s and the post office, all the places she's come to recognise as part of her new home.

As they cross the road and catch the orange sun setting behind the town hall, she hears Papa’s thoughts stir. Faintly , she catches his mind echoing: ‘Mustn’t make this a habit.’

It is a warm and soft thing now, like the feeling of her hand curled in his.

2.

Anya doesn’t remember what happened. Now, she’s crying and crying in the middle of the living room as Chimera droops in her hands, the beans inside it spilling out onto the floor around her. She’d been playing spy and villain with Chimera (she was obviously playing the part of the world’s Top Spy) and spun her around and now there was a torn hole in her side!  

“Anya has blood on her hands now,” she hisses through hot tears, remembering that this is what the person on TV said in a similar situation.

Mama runs over from the balcony where she was hanging out the clothes to dry. “Anya, you’re not hurt are you?” She squats down to put a gentle hand against Anya’s wet cheek.

"I want a new Chimera!" Anya wails, letting go of the toy to bury her face into Mama’s blouse and rub her snot against her. Chimera is old and tattered from getting thrown around by other kids in the orphanage, but it was also there, buried under a pile of trash, that Anya found her. She knows Chimera is special, that she can’t just go to the toy store and buy a new one, but what else is she going to do now?

As Mama wraps her arms around her and pats her head, Anya begins to calm down. Her tears subside into controlled sniffs.

"Now, now, Anya. There's no need for a new friend. We just need to mend her and she'll be as good as new,” Mama says as she stands, hoisting Anya into her arms.

Anya rubs her puffy eyes. "You can fix her?"

“Of course! Needlework is something I can proudly say I’m an expert at.” Mama smiles. ‘I have a lot of experience stitching myself up. Stitching a doll shouldn’t be much different. Perhaps it’ll be easier.’

Anya thinks that Mama can be just as cool as Papa sometimes.

And so, they carefully pick up Chimera’s insides from the floor and collect them in a rice bowl. When this is done, Mama goes into her room looking for needles and thread. As Anya sits on the sofa, she can hear Mama rummaging through her weapons in her closet, and through the wall, her thoughts: ‘Needles… needles… Ah, there we go. Have I sterilised these yet? I’ll just make sure Anya doesn’t touch them, just in case.’

Anya does not offer to help Mama when she comes back out, holding a short needle in her hand along with a spool of thread, and a bag of cotton wool.

Mama takes the rice bowl and what’s left of Chimera to the dining table, where she sits and begins work. Anya hovers next to her and watches as she threads the needle with skill and quickly sows up the huge hole. When the hole becomes a small tear, she pours the beads back into Chimera’s body with Anya’s help. Anya holds onto Chimera while Mama does the finishing touches, including stuffing her with more cotton wool so that she stands taller now.

“Tadah!” Mama grins when the operation is over. “She’s as good as new now.”

Anya receives Chimera with a big hug. “Thank you Mama!”

“Chimera is one of a kind, so we’ll take good care of her. If she gets hurt again, just bring her to me and I’ll fix her up,” Mama says as she packs up her first aid kit for dolls. “And Anya, don’t think about throwing away things even if they may be a bit broken. Sometimes, all they need is a little love.”

‘This is what Loid would do, right? Try to make life lessons out of everyday incidents,’ Mama’s thought bubbles in the air.    

Anya blinks twice before asking: “Are you trying to teach me good values like Papa?”

“Ah…. you'r always so sharp,” Mama concedes with a laugh. At this moment, the front door opens and in steps Papa, holding that briefcase he carries just for show.  

“What’s all this? I heard Anya talking about me,” he asks as he closes the door behind him and removes his hat.

“Chimera had a little accident, but I’ve fixed her and even added a little extra stuffing.” Mama holds up the needle and cotton to show him.  

“Ah,” Papa hums. ‘Hm. The cotton she’s using it’s the sort that’s particularly good at absorbing blood. Do they sell this high quality stuff at the pharmacy now?’  

“What is it, Loid?”

A practiced smile appears on Papa’s face. “I was thinking how great it is that you could help solve Anya’s problem.”

“Yes, I want to be someone Anya can rely on too, you know.” Mama pulls at her fingers nervously. “I’m always worried about whether I’m playing my part well enough.”

Before Papa can open his mouth, Anya interrupts by holding Chimera up to her face and cheering in a squeaky voice: “Mama is strong and fast and good with needles! I feel safe when she’s around!”

“There you have it.” The corner of Papa’s lips crooks up slightly.

“There you have it,” Mama repeats, and her hands, which she’d been gripping tightly, loosen just so.

3.

For some reason, there are always bad guys to fight whenever Anya goes out with Mama and Papa. Today, they went to the aquarium and stopped a villain from stealing an important penguin. Even on day-offs, Papa has to work.

Then again, bringing her out to the aquarium to look at fishies and talk to the neighbours—that’s work too, isn’t it? It’s his job to make sure they’re an ordinary family, so even Sundays are work days. Mama and her had lots of fun today watching the dolphin show and petting the stingrays and looking how sharp and pointy the shark’s teeth were (Mama really liked that), but all Anya could hear was Papa thinking about his next mission.

It’s the end of the day now, and she should be in bed, but Anya wriggles out from under her covers and pokes her head out of her room. The hallway is really dark and only from the far, far end, can she see a small crack of light coming from underneath Papa’s door. She decides to bring new recruit Penguin along with her, just in case she gets ambushed.

She tries to stealthily creep up to Papa’s door, but it’s a bit hard since Penguin is much less graceful. Before she can even peek into Papa’s room, he notices.

“Anya? It’s always polite to knock before entering someone’s room.”

She puffs up her cheeks and does as she’s told.

“Yes, come in.”

She pushes the door open and steps into Papa’s room, tugging Penguin in behind her. It’s a very normal-looking room. She frowns at this. Where are all the fancy spy gadgets? He must have hidden them somewhere.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Papa puts his book aside and straightens his posture in his armchair, resting a hand on his knee.

“No… I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking.” Anya twiddles her thumbs. “Papa, are you tired from work?”

“What are you talking about? I had a day off today with you and Yor, didn’t I?” he says with hesitation.

“Well, you were tired from work and you still said to go out with us,” Anya tries a different approach.

Papa thinks, ‘Which was also part of Operation Strix to begin with, and ended up crossing with another mission. Work never does end,’ but says, “Which was a good way for me to take a break from work.”

Anya sways on the spot, trying to process the same voice speaking two different things.

“You don’t need to be worried about me, Anya. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself.” Papa stands up and opens his room door, gesturing for her to follow him back to her room. She pulls Penguin along as they walk back, and the distance feels much shorter now with Papa now walking beside her.

“Would… would you quit your job if it gets too tiring?” Anya finally works up the courage to ask as he lifts her back into bed and tucks her in. Penguin gets the same treatment shortly after.

“You know, Anya, just because something is tiring doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing,” Papa answers. He’s sitting on the edge of her bed, chin tucked and eyes looking down. ‘I chose to do this. I’ll see it through till the end, so good people like Yor and Anya can live in a peaceful society. As for what happens after...’

Papa suddenly turns to look at her. “Is this about your homework? You need to stop lazing around or you’ll get another Tonitrus. I’ll help you with it tomorrow.”

Anya nods slowly, feeling better to know that Papa will be around, at least, until he completes his mission. “I’ll do my best, Papa. Just like you.”

Instead of thinking about how lonely it’ll be when Papa finally completes his mission, Anya focuses on how cool he is.

He stays with her, not saying anything else, until she finally drifts off to sleep.

4.

“Anya, are you getting tired?”

Mama extends an open hand down, offering to take the shopping bag Anya is dragging against the pavement. They’ve just finished a shopping trips at the market and Anya had volunteered to help carry some of the groceries home. Mainly a big bag of peanuts. Mama’s getting better at buying stuff now. She’s been observing what Papa cooks for dinner and memorising how the packaging looks like.

“My feet and arms are tired,” Anya says, her knees wobbling a bit. The sun is especially hot today.

“It must be from all the punching training we did today, huh?” Mama remarks cheerfully. She points to a bus stop up ahead where a couple of people are standing. “Let’s take a bus back home then.”

As they walk under the shelter hand-in-hand, Anya thinks back to their training session this morning. Mama’s trying to teach her how to block punches and dodge attacks now. She could only do it for fifteen minutes and had to take a nap after that, only to wake up just in time to accompany Mama out.

Anya stares at her hands and makes them shake for dramatic effect. “Am I a weakling, Mama?”

“Of course not!” Mama pauses to think. ‘Though I don’t remember it being so difficult to learn self defense when I was her age. Maybe it’s because I had to pick it up under different circumstances.’

“But I’m not getting stronger,” Anya mumbles.

“You’re getting good scores for your tests and quizzes, aren’t you? It’s not just about brute strength. Being smart is a strength too.”

Well, that’s because she’s figured out which students in class are good at what subjects. And because Papa’s new rule is that she can only watch TV after she does a bit of studying on weekends.

Mama raises an arm to flag the approaching bus. As it rumbles to a halt at the bus stop, Anya catches the colourful advertisement painted on the side. It’s for a new toy that she’s never seen before. A robot! And it looks exactly like the ones that appear in Bondman.

“Look! Look at that!” She grabs a fistful of Mama’s skirt to get her attention.

Mama tilts her head to the side, staring at it as they line up to board the bus. “Do you want that toy?”

“Yeah. What do I need to do to get it?” Anya asks as she hops onto the metal steps of the bus door and rushes to get a seat next to the bus window. She’s learned, from when she used to be stuck in the lab, how she always got a reward for doing something the grown-ups wanted. The outside world didn’t seem that much different from the lab in some way.

Mama sits down next to her after paying for the bus fare. “What do you mean, Anya?”

“Can I get Mr Robot if I get a Stella?”

‘Wouldn’t that be a long ways off?’ Mama doesn’t say this aloud, but Anya narrows her eyes and frowns when she hears this complete lack of belief.

Mama doesn’t notice. She adjusts the groceries in her lap and cranes her neck to look out the window, checking where they are on the bus route. “Well, we could get off near the toy store now and see if they have Mr Robot there already.”

Anya opens her mouth in surprise. “But I didn’t do anything to get it!”

“Well, I don’t think I need a reason to make you happy,” Mama answers simply, a kind smile touching her lips.

"R-really?" Anya asks again, just to make sure.

Mama pauses and think: ‘Loid might nag at me for spoiling Anya. But if it’s something that can cheer her up, I’m sure he’ll understand. She's been less energetic these days, and he's noticed too.’

"Your Papa likes to give you rewards for working hard, but I don't want you to feel as though you need to do something in order to get what you want. Or do something just because you think that's what someone else wants." At this, Mama's expression shifts. She continues to look outside, but her eyes seem far off, like she's thinking about deeply about something. But just like that one time with Papa, Anya can't read anything from her mind. It's a quiet stillness. All Anya can hear are the thoughts of the old granny at the back of the bus, worrying about whether she left the stove on.

It's after two zebra crossings and one traffic light before Mama turns to her. "I want you to be able to be who you are,  not what others want you to be," she whispers as she brushes Anya's hair back, taking care to avoid her horns. And when Anya works up the courage to listen out for Mama's thoughts, she hears her say: 'I didn't have that choice, but at least, this is a role that I've grown to like more than I thought I would.'

“Mama… I think having a good heart is a strength too. Maybe that’s what I should try to be good at,” Anya says in soft realisation.

Mama gives her a smile just then, and she looks radiant under the rays of the sun shining into the bus.

“You’re absolutely right.”

5.

"Chimera, Chicky, Penguin and Mr Robot all reporting for duty!"

Anya throws them all onto her bed and salutes them. Outside, the evening rain is falling hard and the only thing she can see from her window are the raindrops splattering against it.

"Listen up agents, we're up against a diabo.. diablo.. diabolic enemy today. It's—"

A flash of lightning suddenly appears in the window, followed by a deafening crash of thunder that rocks the air. Anya dives under her covers with a loud yelp. The movement causes Chimera to roll off the bed. Anya is too busy shivering under her blanket to pick her up.

She hears the door of her room slam open, and two pairs of footsteps rushing in. When she pokes her head out from beneath her hiding spot, Papa and Mama are standing next to her bed. Mama’s hands are crossed behind her back and her eyebrows her knotted in concern. Papa scans the room with a quick snap of his head.

“Are you okay, Anya? It sounded like…” Papa begins. ‘No, I was overreacting. Anya is safe. Probably just scared from the thunder.’  

“Like something bad happened,” Mama completes his sentence. ‘Oh thank goodness, now I just need to keep my knives without Loid or Anya noticing.’ Her arms remain glued to her sides, twitching slightly as she tries to adjust the hidden weapons behind her nightgown.

Anya pulls the blanket off her head and raises an accusing finger to the window. “Yes! It’s that!” She casts a glance at all her toys on the bed and clears her throat to say, “They’re all… they’re all scared.”

“They’re scared?” Papa asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, they’re not used to dangerous situations.” Anya folds her arms across herself and nods sagely.

“Well, then they could come and stay with me for the night,” Mama offers, which makes Anya’s eyes widen. Her mouth gapes as she thinks of what to say next, without making it obvious that she’d be jealous if Penguin got to sleep next to Mama instead of her.

Another lightning strike appears in the window and Anya’s shout is one second faster than the ensuing thunder. Her body immediately jumps off the bed and flies into Papa and Mama, hugging them around their knees.

"I'm scared,” Anya reluctantly admits, her cheeks squished between their legs.

“Rain and thunder and lightning are all normal, torrential weather conditions, Anya,” Papa explains. “You’ll be safe as long as you stay indoors, I promise.” As he pauses, he thinks, ‘I definitely won’t let her go out on her own in such weather. Even if she doesn’t get struck by lightning, there’s a high chance a tree could and if that were to fall on Anya...’

“I don’t want to be shocked or squished!!” Anya wails out and clutches onto them even tighter.

“That won’t ever happen,” Mama says in a calming voice. ‘I’d redirect that lightning strike in a jiffy. It shouldn’t be too hard.’

As awesome as that sounds, Anya jumps as she hears another boom of thunder outside and she continues crying. “But I’m scared!”

“Okay, okay. What can we do to make you less scared?” Papa lowers himself onto his knees and holds out his handkerchief for Anya to blow her nose into.

As soon as she's done wiping her face against the cloth, she comes up with a great idea. She raises her eyes to look at both of them. “I want Papa and Mama to stay with me tonight."

It’s Papa and Mama’s turn to widen their eyes. They exchange shocked looks with each other.

“Wouldn’t it be alright if it was just me?” Mama points at herself.

Anya holds her right palm up to Mama’s face. “No.”

“Alright, Yor. You can head to bed. I’ll stay with Anya,” Papa sighs.

Anya holds up her left palm up to Papa’s face. “No.”

While their faces balk with insult and confusion, Anya stands up on her bed and claps her hands together. “I won’t be able to go to sleep without both Mama and Papa!” she declares.

‘The last time I slept next to someone was with Yuri when we were still children. I miss those times,’ Mama thinks fondly. ‘Oh, but Loid is different from Yuri, he’s…’ Her face goes a little red.

‘This is still part of Operation Strix, isn’t it? Keeping Anya happy and safe so that she’ll continue to do well in school. Come on, Twilight. It’s not a difficult request. Yor is...’  

Anya pats the empty space on both sides of her bed, looking at both Mama and Papa expectantly. Mama steps forward first, even as Papa raises a hand to stop her.

“I’m fine, Loid. To tell you the truth, I’ve always found it comforting to sleep with family. I’m sure that’s all Anya needs right now.” Mama uses her hands to flatten the material of her nightgown before lying down next to Anya. Anya doesn’t know where Mama's weapons have disappeared to. She tries not to think so much about it.

‘Comforting?’ Papa thinks. ‘Twilight never experienced anything like that growing up.'

Anya stares at him, and her shoulders begin to droop when he doesn't move.

Sometimes, Papa is too cool.

She turns away from him to lie on her side and close her eyes.

'But... Loid Forger must know what that’s like. He's supposed to be the perfect family man. He is.'

The next moment, Anya feels the mattress sink as Papa sits down on the bed. He doesn't relax quite as much as Mama, but allows his back to lean into one of Anya’s fluffy pillows.

When the next thunderclap rolls around, Anya hunches into Papa’s side and feels Mama’s hand soothing her back. She breathes in the smell of Papa’s shampoo and Mama’s handsoap. The last thing she hears before she falls asleep is a soft song humming in her ear. It makes the thunder seem like a small noise in comparison.

----

When Anya wakes up the next day, she knows that she is safe, like she's been wrapped up warm and toasty and no one can hurt her ever again. She cracks her eyes open to see Mama and Papa's arms curled over her, barely touching.

‘This’ll do for now,’ she thinks before falling back asleep.

[yeonchi]

Kisekae Insights #11: Sea Princesses Part 1 (Introduction and Rider List)

(Art by Rainbow’s Network, formerly Princess Rainbow Channel, source here)

You thought five months of Sea Princesses content wasn’t enough? Why don’t we make it six then? Oh, I’m sorry, you thought this was going to be one part like the other shows we’ve gone through so far? Oh no, the Sea Princesses series has so much significance in my project for a niche (and almost forgotten) series that it’s going to take three instalments to cover everything I want to cover.

I was planning to cover my versions of Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger and Kamen Rider Decade first, but I’ve been so busy with other stuff that I haven’t had time to prepare those instalments ahead of time. Also, I thought it would be better to cover Sea Princesses while it’s still fresh in my mind. In case you didn’t know, Sea Princesses content has taken up the majority of my Tumblr posts in the last six months under the coronavirus lockdown; from April to June, I reposted my reviews of the cartoon series that I wrote in 2019, then from July to September, I fulfilled an item in my bucket list by translating and reviewing the books that inspired the cartoon series. You can check them out here.

In the next three instalments, I’m going to take a look at the involvement of Sea Princesses in my personal project, as well as share some theories about the series that I’ve implemented in my project and teased in my reviews.

A brief introduction

The first mention of Sea Princesses in my personal project was in 2010, when I assigned them warrior names like I did with the Flowertots. Unlike Lucky Star, however, whose characters were divided into five different clans, the characters of Sea Princesses form only one clan, namely the Uesugi clan. In the Moushouden Series, the Uesugi clan would also be known as the Salacian Army.

After being inspired by the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror XI segment Night of the Dolphin, I drafted up some mock battle fixtures for a storyline named Salacia Rebellion. The storyline wouldn’t get made into actual stories until 2017 with Three Kingdoms Series 3.

Sure enough, the Sea Princesses made it into Doctor Who as well, crossing over with two sea-related animes. They had appearances in Series 7 Part 1 (the Salacian Time War arc) and the Next Gen Series (a two-parter in Series 8 and then a minor appearance in the Series 9 finale two-parter). In the Moushouden Series, they became Kamen Riders, which I’ll elaborate on later.

Regarding timelines

Most of this series’ involvement in my project is based on the timeline of the animated series. When I bought the books, I was hoping that I could implement them into the series as well, but I decided to stick to adapting the animated series because the timelines for them and the books are very different.

So what is the series’ timeframe in terms of this project? Officially, I decided that the events of the series would be set in 2004, the release year of the first book, assuming that everything in the series takes place in one year as there is no indication anywhere in the series that the class has moved up a grade. This means that the characters would have been born around 1996-1998. You can calculate for yourself how old they would be during the years my stories are set in.

Original characters

What would any adapted series be without any original element to them? There are four original characters that I’ve made, but one of them isn’t as “original” as you may think.

The Squid Princess: Squid Girl

You thought I couldn’t make an original character for this series with a character from another series? Haha Rider machine go brrrr.

Yes, that’s right, Squid Girl is, in fact, a Salacian. Her father, the Squid King, was killed by Maurice Mouseling at the fourth Battle of Kawanakajima in 2006. He was the first king to suggest an invasion of Dryland to prevent Drylanders from coming into Salacia. Initially, the other kings were not willing to join him, but they eventually warmed to his cause, given the damage the Drylanders were doing to the ocean. Following the Squid King’s death, his daughter went onto Dryland to take revenge, but she ended up in the wrong place and well, you know the rest if you know about her series.

Squid Girl was one of the two who worked behind the scenes with the Master to bring about the Salacian Rebellion of 2010. She is seen fighting Maurice during the final battle as she attempts to take revenge for her dead father. She also served at the catalyst for the group’s backup plan when the Salacians were defeated by the Dryland armies, eventually starting another conflict amongst the Drylanders before returning to her home at the Lemon Beach House.

In 2012, Squid Girl met the Fourth Doctor in an episode of his spinoff series before she became a companion of the Fifth Doctor, alongside Tsukasa Hiiragi in Series 6 Part 2 and Series 7 Part 1, and alongside Clara Oswald and Takeru Aizawa in the 50th Anniversary Series.

In 2018, Squid Girl was part of a faction of princesses who became Amazon Riders thanks to Narutaki and Nozama Pharmaceuticals. She gained the Neo Amazons Driver and fought as Kamen Rider Amazon Neo.

The Squid Girl anime also featured a girl named Kozue Tanabe, who is implied to be an octopus. She is only mentioned once in Three Kingdoms, but I stated that she was related to the Octopus Royal Family.

The Mermaid Prince: Zhuge Shu (and son, Zhuge Sōta)

Originally, I created this character in 2012 out of nowhere and it wasn’t until 2018 that I actually gave him a backstory. Believe it or not, this was going to be my answer to the Barracuda Kingdom saga until I thought better of it and kept it separate by making him the Mermaid Prince. He was also one of Hiroki’s echoes created when he split himself all over his timeline.

A long time ago, the Mermaid Kingdom was notorious for frequently breaking the First Law of Salacia, which stipulates that Salacians are not to be seen by Drylanders. This resulted in the other kingdoms turning on them, forcing the royal family onto Dryland. The Mermaid King transformed into Agito and fought with all his might, but was killed in battle. His daughter, the Mermaid Princess, was saved by a Drylander before they could hunt her down. They eventually got married and had a child named Seretao. When Seretao was still a baby, the Shark King invited the Mermaid Princess and her husband to discuss a treaty, but his real intention was to kill them.

Luckily, Seretao was left in the care of the Wolonggang Academy, the same academy where Parker trained when he was very little. Upon graduating, Seretao became a mercenary for hire and changed his name to Zhuge Shu (courtesy name Hutiao, made from separating the characters in his name – 虎 and 儵, the latter is made up of the characters 條 and 黑).

Sometime in 2005, one of his jobs led him to the city of Hiroki’s primary school army, where he overheard two girls plotting to kill him. He eventually managed to find Hiroki and tell him to escape to Honnōji, which only served to delay the inevitable.

Over the next few years, he became acquainted with Salacia and worked odd jobs both there and on Dryland. At one stage, he took on the name Magoichi Saika and fought for the Date Army, led by Doctor Eggman. He was the other person who worked with the Master to facilitate the Salacian Rebellion and he was also the Shark King’s strategist, supplying him with weapons and strategies.

Later on, after Squid Girl executed the backup plan, Zhuge Shu, now the leader of the Saika Renegades, defected to Parker’s army. Not much was seen of him, even after they disbanded, until the Salacian Time War in November 2012. Zhuge Shu meets Parker again and helps him set up a delta wave generator, which is actually a trigger that would fire the Harmony Signal once it was charged. Following the battle, Zhuge Shu was entrusted with Akeno Shiranui, a woman who Parker accidentally married following events that led him to see her true form as a mermaid. The two got married and had a baby boy named Zhuge Sōta, who was born in October 2013.

Salacian General: Lorah

Lorah is a Salacian general who fights as Kamen Rider TheBee, with his underlings, Hugo and Tata, fighting as Drake and Sasword. He isn’t known to be a part of any royal family (that never came to mind when I created this character), but given who his underlings are, you could argue that he is affiliated with the Turtle Royal Family.

At the end of his debut episode, Lorah would be revealed to be a Roidmude alongside Hugo, Tata and the goddess Salacia; Narutaki had kidnapped their templates and had some Roidmudes copy them so she could trigger the Global Freeze. After Narutaki’s plan was foiled, Lorah and the others were rescued and they continued fighting as Kamen Riders.

Characters and Riders

When I first implemented this series in 2010, I wasn’t able to include all the characters because I was unable to find or keep records of them at the time. All I had was the characters that had descriptions on the official website at the time, including Agostinha and Dinho, even though the former had no lines and the latter had no appearances (I thought he did at one point, but after watching both series, I was proven wrong). Naimo was also added as I did remember watching The Babysitters back then.

Jaune, Goldina, Flourison, Matilda, Veto, Caton and Caramelo, the “forgotten characters” (who had no descriptions), were implemented in 2017. The speculations I had for them weren’t added onto the wiki until 2019 for the sake of completeness.

The great thing about Sea Princesses having so many characters is that I can make armies of Riders out of them. The characters’ Rider designations are derived from Ryuki, Hibiki, Kabuto, Agito and Amazons. Most of the Riders were featured in Kamen Rider Decade, while some additional Riders were added in Soulbound Series 3 and 4 because god, I can’t stop thinking about Rider War storylines with them. The Salacian Riders are split up into factions typically consisting of Riders from one series.

Ryuki Riders (led by the Shark King):

Kamen Rider Ryuki – Daniel Camielez

Kamen Rider Knight – Kelvin Galvarro

Kamen Rider Scissors – Sirilo

Kamen Rider Zolda – Elektra

Kamen Rider Raia – Soraia

Kamen Rider Gai – Marcello

Kamen Rider Ouja – Tubarina

Kamen Rider Odin – Shark King

Kamen Rider Tiger – Ester

Kamen Rider Imperer – Leia

Kamen Rider Femme – Polvina

Kamen Rider Verde – Vivi

Kamen Rider Abyss – Bia

Daniel and Kelvin are Drylanders; additionally, Daniel is the Dryland boy from The Boy and The Secret Admirer. He will be elaborated on in Part 3. Kamen Rider Ryuga has not been implemented into Decade or Soulbound, but he will be implemented in Zi-O.

Hibiki Riders – Ibuki Faction (led by Marli):

Kamen Rider Ibuki – Marli

Kamen Rider Todoroki – Caramelo

Kamen Rider Zanki – Delfi

Kamen Rider Danki – Naimo

Kamen Rider Sabaki – Matilda

Kamen Rider Eiki – Dinho

Kamen Rider Shuki – Socita

Hibiki Riders – Kabuki Faction (led by Maurico):

Kamen Rider Kabuki – Maurico

Kamen Rider Tohki – Isa

Kamen Rider Nishiki – Lia

Kamen Rider Habataki – Camarina

Kamen Rider Kirameki – Angelica

Kamen Rider Amaki – Jaune

Kamen Rider Kyoki – Goldina

Kabuto Riders – TheBee Faction (led by Lorah):

Kamen Rider TheBee – Lorah

Kamen Rider Drake – Hugo

Kamen Rider Sasword – Tata

Amazon Riders (no leader):

Kamen Rider Amazon Omega – Juli

Kamen Rider Amazon Alpha – Jessi

Kamen Rider Amazon Sigma – Agostinha

Kamen Rider Amazon Neo – Squid Girl

Unaffiliated Riders:

Kamen Rider Agito – Zhuge Sōta

Kamen Rider Gills → Chalice – Zhuge Shu

Kamen Rider Hibiki – Marcela

Kamen Rider Saga – Salacia

Soulbound Series 3 additions (2019):

Kamen Rider Amazon New Omega – Akeno Shiranui

Kamen Rider Amazon New Alpha – Miss Marla

Kamen Rider Gouki – Caton

Kamen Rider Touki – Veto

Kamen Rider Shouki – Flourison

Kamen Rider Banki – Serena

Soulbound Series 4 additions (2021):

Kamen Rider Aqua – Duante

Kamen Rider Poseidon – Windy Adams

Duante is the mysterious boy featured in The Healer while Windy is the name of the Drylander girl in The New Princess, not to mention that she is named after the Drylander girl featured in the third Sea Princesses main series book, The Windy Letters.

I’ll start covering the history of Sea Princesses’ involvement in the project from the next instalment.

[majorxmaggiexboy]

i recently remembered a film my brother and i watched several times as children, and that got me thinking about the other stuff we would watch. most of which seems kind of weird on reflection. we don’t actually have any of these anymore, so just for funsicles i’m trying to think of the films and see if i can remember any of the details before actually googling them.

     Live Action

Two Brothers - a couple of tiger cubs are captured by poachers or something and separated from each other. one is trained to perform in the circus and is also fed candy by some guy, the circusmaster is an absolute [censored]. the tiger learns to jump through fire which is important later. the other cub is given to a little boy (TERRIBLE IDEA) and is a pet for a while until he’s sold to someone else. the tigers are eventually reunited but then they’re chased by people with guns who try to trap them by setting things on fire BUT because the first tiger learned not to be scared of fire he shows his brother how to jump through it and they escape and are reunited with this other tiger that has a hole in her ear from a really close call with poachers. i think she’s their mom.

Gunther and the Paper Brigade - idk if it was knock-off Newsies or what but like there’s this kid named Gunther whose brother keeps an ant farm and said the line “did you know that all the ants in the world would weigh as much as all the people in the world?” and i think they’d just moved to a new house but Gunther joins some kind of newspaper group and at first he is AWFUL at delivering papers like he just slings em any ol’ place but then he gets into a sort of war with a bully and i think somebody orally siphoned some gasoline at one point and the brother’s ants definitely came into play and in the end Gunther was really good at delivering papers. He rode a bike. at one point he’s hanging out at the mall pretty often for some reason and his brother teases him about it.

Ben Wagner - Uhhh family moves to new town, kid has an older sister and a younger sister, there’s a freaky adult at the school who said the line “Wagner. Waaaagner. I’ve got it. The name is now set. in my. brain....,,..”  Benny’s miserable for some reason but he meets a kind of mysterious girl who takes him to visit her elderly relative but to get there they have to walk across a log that’s across a river/waterfall type of situation. the elderly relative says something to the effect that if they all stand on one side of the house it’ll tip over. Ben regularly visits these people. His dad gives him some chores but he half-arses all of them and the dad walks him around to each thing (like the car that was supposed to be washed, the garage that was supposed to be tidied, w/e) and goes “you did a lousy job”. The older sister wants money for something but hasn’t saved up her allowance so she demands money from Ben and says the line “I bet you have tons of money squirreled away”. He goes to visit the mysterious girl and her relative but his little sister follows him and falls off the log bridge so he jumps in the water to save her and he manages it but then they’re both in the hospital.

No More Baths - Guy runs a club for kids and has some rules in place specifically to keep the kids safe but one kid breaks the rules and winds up getting himself hurt so the guy who just wanted to do nice things for the community kids gets straight up ARRESTED and his dog is put in the pound and the whole thing was some racially-motivated bull and the kids aren’t having it so they protest by refusing to bathe and i think they get to testify at the guy’s hearing too and anyway he wins so then the kids go play in some water bc they haven’t washed in weeks.

Goosebumps: Night in Terror Tower: Some dude is a little too enthusiastic about explaining to two children how the Rack works “It stretched, annnd streeettched, unTIL HIS BOOOOOOOOONES, WERE PUUULLLLLLLLED...poP. Right Out Of Their Sockets. :) “ and then those kids get chased around by some dude who wants to kill them or something. they try to buy a bus pass but they have medieval currency and the girl’s like “Our parents wouldn’t give us play money” but then they wind up in like actual medieval England. I think the girl’s name was Sidney.

Bunch of Assorted Wildlife Documentaries: idk there was a thing about an elephant painting and a lot to do with dolphins idk i think there was a bit of Steve Irwin in there too

     Cartoons

The Gallivants - like Divergent but with very Orange ants who are assigned a career? or pick out a career? but when they reach adulthood they’re all supposed to develop something called a “kabump” which is like an extra segment for their creepy insect bodies. They wear shoes and their limbs can have either pink stripes or blue stripes. they might wear gloves? anyway the protagonist is named something like “Shando” and he doesn’t develop his “kabump” on time so it’s scandalous. His friends desert him or something.  I think he wanted to be a musician and so makes himself a fake kabump but he plays the saxophone a little too vigorously or something and makes it come off, at which point he’s shamed and rejected by literally everyone but at some point he also tries to work in construction but accidentally breaks stuff and is told “You’re not a Con-struct. You’re a DE-STRUCT.” then he wanders around in a labyrinthine cave fighting a two-headed creature called something like, The VanterViper that wants to kill all the baby ants or something at i think in the end he’s appointed like official Mom of all the babies or something of that nature

The Ugly Duckling - Standard retelling of the classic tale, this one was created almost exclusively to sell Crayola products i’m pretty sure. This version has a baby swan just trying to live his best life but then a bunch of [redacted] sing at his adoptive mom about how “one bad apple spoils the batch” and he either runs away or gets kicked out. then he runs into a mouse who wears boots and has red hair and she proceeds to call him “Ugly” as if that’s his name, for the entire rest of the movie. He winds up inside a house at one point and two freaky looking cats sing at him about the importance of having “a high IQ” i think a church burns down and he saves the mouse? over the course of the film he gets more and more swan-like in appearance and maybe works for a theater for a little while and then everyone loves him.

Scamper - a bunch of penguins are trying to hatch their eggs but then they’re attacked by...something....and one penguin feels bad about losing some eggs so he takes someone else’s but then admits what he did and returns the egg to its real parents and everyone mourns the loss of their children while being grateful for the survivors. when the eggs hatch there’s like a little pink penguin and a little bluish penguin and they’re friends, they’re learning to slide during Penguin School but then they get captured and wind up on a boat and there’s a dog. They eat really tasty-looking crackers out of bags and are terrorized by the ship’s crew until they manage to escape and find their way back home to their grieving parents.

Willy the Sparrow - a sick (literally and figuratively) young boy has fun bullying a cat and being a [redacted] to birds but then an elderly woman turns him into a sparrow to teach him a lesson. He meets other birds, all of whom have decidedly human heads of hair, including an old man sparrow who teaches him to fly. he winds up challenging the former child-leader-of-the-sparrows for power using his human smarts to amaze them all and eventually leads an attack on the cat who rightfully holds a massive grudge against him. idk he like helps them find food or something and then gets turned back into a human maybe

The Seventh Brother - a young child is moving to a new place and brings her puppy, but somehow his carrier is knocked out of the car??? or something?? and he winds up lost in the forest but is rescued by a large family of rabbits who teach him how to act like a rabbit. He saves one of them from being carried off by a bird but then begins to die of malnutrition as dogs can’t live on the same diet as rabbits for any length of time. also, he rescues a former tormentor from a creepy-as-hell predator and is badly wounded in the process, prompting the rabbits to band together to get him home to his owner. they succeed and he’s pretty much cured by one (1) bowl of puppy food.

Some Blue’s Clues Special: idk whatever’s the one with the treble-clef and the treasure hunt where the ‘treasure’ turned out to be Steve’s grandma’s cookies that you can tell the exact taste and smell of just by looking at them and also the grandma made an appearance too

That Weird Puppet Cat in the Hat Thing with the grouchy bird who had to be taught how to play pretend but then was pushed into a panic attack when the group was playing pirates and he imagined it too vividly so then they explained that he could change the story at any time and also at one point they played a game called “pass the yawn” and the bird just went OFF more than once

Some cartoon, i think it was Anastasia, where at one point someone’s taking some stuff away and the girl says what on reflection i think might have been “My luggage!” but at the time i thought was “my lungs!” and i spent the whole movie thinking they done straight up confiscated the girl’s lungs.

The Swan Princess - and i remember nothing except the way Odette would say “Darren!” and the fact that she spent a lot of time as a bird and there was a puffin. also Darren was one of my early crushes purely because i liked his name.

The Secrets of NIHM 2: main character’s name was Timothy and was one of the first characters i mentally fanfic’d about. there was some song that was like “Just! say! Yes!” where i think he was being pressured to do drugs or be experimented on or something but mostly i remember him singing “I am my father’s son” and me being so confused thinking “well yeah?? Who else’s son could you be???”

idk some Thumbalina thing all i remember is “Deary! Marry the Mole!”

Friggin’ Barbie Rapunzel there was a purple(?) dragon and Rapunzel liked to paint and that movie was where i learned the word “adequate” and i’m still mad at that woman for being so rude like lady. who raised you. where are your manners. i think the dad dragon wanted the purple dragon to hate humans or something idk

some other film where there was a very definitely purple dragon but i can’t remember any details so it’s just going to haunt me forever but it was like a small-ish purple dragon.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #470

“how can you choose to let the blind see better than you?”

What was the main character called in the last film you watched? Dewey. What would you name your pet snake if you had one? It would depend on its appearance. The snake I have now is named Venus because of her coloration. Do you like peanuts? Only if they're covered in chocolate or in granola bars in small portions. Have you ever gambled? What was your biggest loss/win? No. What was the last movie you watched? Who did you watch it with? Girt and I watched School of Rock together. What do you eat for breakfast? Excluding the rare occasions my mom cooks something, usually cereal or a sandwich. Do you have a Flickr? I do, but it's abandoned. Anything exciting happening in the month of September? No. When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Oh man, it's been too long. I really want one now. Do you eat breakfast daily? Yeah. What was the last thing to scare you? "Scare" is a strong word, but I was very, very nervous to hear what weight I'd gained since my last doctor's appointment. Do you like mustard? Yeah, I do. Do you have a desktop computer or laptop? A laptop. Do you like to play Jenga? I guess? I don't really have an opinion on it. Do you like Fresca? Not very, but I'll drink it if I really want a soda and it's the only option. How many towels do you use after a shower? Just one. Would you ever flash a cop if you knew you'd get out of a ticket? Um, no thank you. What is your favorite thrill ride ever? I don't like those. I'm afraid of puking or fainting. Biggest irrational fear? Truly irrational, probably whale sharks. Favorite movie sequel? Hm. If you had endless funds, where would you buy most of your clothes? Cloak and Rebel's Market. How many jobs have you had? Three, technically. What is your favorite thing to do in your city? Oh hun, fun doesn't exist here. This place sucks. Have you ever gone strawberry picking? Ha ha, yes... but I was a little kid that absolutely gorged on the strawberries instead of putting them in my basket. The person that worked there didn't make my mom pay for what I did or anything, but they made a joke about weighing me to check the damage I did, ha ha. My face was COVERED in strawberry juice. I wish I could actually remember the occasion, but I was too young. How many times have you seen a doctor this month? It feels like a lot. >_< I had to get blood drawn for two different things on separate appointments, I had a follow-up appointment with my primary physician about my weight, I recently spoke to my therapist and psychiatrist... Could you pull off orange hair? I've actually considered like, a light creamsicle orange. I actually edited a photo of me with my current hair style trying different colors, and that tint looked pretty cute. Do you shave your legs? It sounds dumb, but yes, now that I'm in a relationship. I feel obligated to at least try and be attractive by societal standards. I know it seriously doesn't matter, but I would be so inexplicably mortified if he saw my unshaven legs kalsdj;flkasdjwe What type of weather is your favorite? Snowy! Coolest place you've ever been? Disney World, probs. Do you like corn on the cob? Yeah, man. Have you ever waited tables? No. Build your favorite pizza. Soft pan crust, your average amount of sauce and a good amount of cheese with various meats on it. What did you last get fancy for? I wouldn't say I got like, super fancy, but I wore a nice shirt and a necklace when Girt came over for the first time as a couple. I thought we were actually leaving the house to go out to dinner, but the plan was actually to have Buffalo Wild Wings delivered. It was totally fine by me, I'd just misunderstood. Dream pet? A female Brazilian Black tarantula named Black Betty. :') Do you tend to get clingy in relationships? I know I do. What is the last horror movie you watched? It's sad that I don't know. :( Would you be grossed out if your best friend mooned you? No, I'd just be extremely confused lmao. What is the last thing that you drank? Milk. Currently popular song that you can't stand? I have zero idea what songs are popular right now. What is the weather like right now? Too fuckin' hot to be mid-September. Do you have favorite type/brand of pen? I mean, I like the feel of gel pens. I don't know about brands. What is your go-to snack at the convenience store? Some form of Reese's. Popular drink that you dislike? Coffee shocks the most people. What TV show are you waiting on to return/create a new season? None. What is something you currently want but cannot afford? Oh, dear. -_- Do you have sensitive skin? Very. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Do you have an older sister? Three that I know, one that I don't really count because I know nothing about her and have never spoken to her. What color is your mum’s car? White. Do you live in an apartment? No. Cats are usually cuter than dogs right? Kittens are generally cuter than puppies, imo. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? It has to stay in my bedroom, which I hate. Mom insists on in being in here so I don't forget to clean it. My memory is awful, but I'm preeeetty sure I'd remember to give my cat a clean place to use the bathroom if it was kept in the spare room by the door... Are you rude to little children? No; even if I don't really like kids, that is something I definitely avoid. Kids should never lose their hope in or love for humanity, and I would absolutely hate to be one of those people that makes the human race appear unpleasant. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? BY FAR. He's a mailman so is out in the sun nearly every day, so he's pretty damn dark to be Caucasian. I wouldn't be surprised if by his complexion he's ever been mistaken for being Hispanic, because the color definitely fits. Do you like apricots? No. Are banana chips delicious? Ew, that sounds gross. Do you like kinky sex? I wouldn't know, my dude. I've never really explored outside of pretty vanilla stuff. What is one thing you will never do again? Rely solely on another person for happiness. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? Twice as happy. That's not even a competition. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? I very legitimately wonder if I would be disowned for how fucked up some of the shit I write is, ha ha. Mom would probably cry if she saw some of even the milder stuff and force the topic to come up in therapy. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? Maybe painting? If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Hmmm... I suppose ketchup. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? I think it is, but I don't. .-. What is the best present you could ever receive? An all-expenses-paid trip to South Africa to visit and tour with the Kalahari Meerkat Project to meet and photograph the meerkats. :''''''''''') Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free WiFi wherever you go, for the rest of your life? Nah. That's what data is for, lol. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A new car for Mom. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view? Oh, that is SO easy. Give me the view. Well wait, HOW tiny is the house? My answer would change if it was one of those truly mini houses that would make me feel claustrophobic as shit. What was your favorite Disney movie as a kid? The Lion King. Still is. Do you brush your teeth in the bathroom, or do you get bored & roam around? I roam around. Does your city/town have a little festival/carnival every year? Yes. I never really pay attention tho 'cuz I never go. Have you ever been to an apple orchard? No, but I would love to go. Were there any cartoons your parents didn’t let you watch as a kid? Except "adult" cartoons obviously, no. Could you handle motherhood? No fucking way. Being entirely serious, I think I'd either end up dead or horribly depressed, and the kid psychologically damaged to some extent from having an unstable mother. Like do not get me wrong, I'd try very hard, but I know I couldn't stay sane and happy as a mom. Have you ever touched a squirrel? No. What's better, candles or incense? Incense. What movie did you see the most in theaters? I don't watch movies in theaters twice. It's expensive to go even once. Who played the best Batman? Idk. I didn't watch all the movies. Who’s the best American Idol thus far? *shrug* What’s likely to happen next in your family - wedding, funeral, or birth? Uh, I suppose a wedding? None seem likely any time soon. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Hot. Have you ever taken part in a threesome? No, not my jam. Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Yep. Which movie’s musical score is truly memorable? Tarzan came to mind very quickly. What’s your favorite scene from the movie Titanic? Idk, I've only seen it once. Which TV show theme music do you remember most? That '70s Show. Have you ever bounced any checks? ... I don't even know what that means. :x Have you ever been snipe hunting? I will never in my life hunt in any way, shape, or form. Do you try to be politically correct? For the most part, but I do believe it's gone too far. Generally though, I try to conform to the "rules" to avoid offending someone. What’s your favorite kind of sea critter? Bottlenose dolphins, various types of whales, sea turtles... I don't think I could pick one. Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before? Does it count if it's from a honeysuckle flower? Do you like to wear toe socks? No, they're mad uncomfortable imo. Have you ever worn bright red lipstick? Yes. Do you think raccoons are adorable, like I do? BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!

[bioloby]

Gay Animals Part II: Electric Boogaloo, The Science of Gay, and You

Before I start this article off I’d like to lay a disclaimer: The reason behind why people are queer isn’t very well understood, but all science tries to do is understand the “why” of things and passes no judgment, regardless of the cause. If science said the homosexuality was 100% caused by watching too many cartoons (spoilers: it’s probably not) that information makes you no less you and it shouldn’t affect how you feel about yourself. But, as we will see, homosexuality is not only something incredibly prevalent in the animal kingdom, but is as accepted as any other trait an individual can express.

So, with all that being said, this article will deal with homosexuality, genetics, possible environmental factors, and its possible evolutionary benefits in nonhuman animals. Because the human brain is so much more complex than anything we’ve ever seen, and we still don’t know most of its secrets, it’s important to remember that what might be true for rams, penguins, or even our close relatives like bonobos, is not necessarily the case for humans. Nor should we look at other animals in a human-like manner. For instance, it’s entirely likely that gay animal couples pick up the slack for parents who abandoned their children. We can’t and shouldn’t look at them through a human filter, because it would be impossible to tell if they love each other as human couples (hopefully) do, or if their union is purely survival based. Humans might be the only creatures able to feel love, or it might be more prevalent that we are aware. Whatever the answer, it doesn’t matter here. All I will be doing is going over some of the facts that scientists know, and why this would matter to animals in the wild.

So if any of this makes you uncomfortable, then please skip this post. If you feel I’ve offended you somehow then please DM me and I’ll try to amend this the best I can. Otherwise please click the read more below.

Now homosexuality is kind of ambiguous of a term, and many scientists have conflated it with hermaphroditism, so to avoid confusion I am going to define homosexuality in the animal kingdom in two ways.

Same-sex, long-term courtship.

These are same-sex couples that act towards each other as a heterosexual couple would for at least one mating season.

Homosexual intercourse.

This can last for as long as one night of passion, or be a continuous trait in an individual.

I’m also going to consider bisexual animals on the homosexual spectrum.

PART I: The One With the Genes

Arguably one of the most powerful aspects of biology is evolution, and a key principle in evolution is detrimental traits are less likely to get passed down than traits that make it easier to survive and reproduce. So why is it then that homosexuality, a trait that seemingly provides no advantage to reproduction, is so prevalent not only in individuals but throughout the animal kingdom? If we assume that homosexuality is genetic (and there is good cause to believe that) then shouldn’t that gene cease to be passed down?

Most times the answer is yes, but sometimes if a gene benefits a whole population it will continue, even if some individuals are negatively affected by it. According to one study male homosexuality actually persists because of this very reason, not because it benefits the males, but because it benefits the females. According to the authors, homosexuality is more common in lineages with females who have high androphilic tendencies, that is, a high attraction to males. Now in males, this gene will manifest as a what appears to be homosexuality, but in females this heightened androphilia will manifest as an increased sex drive, making up for the male carriers.

This, of course, does not account for female homosexuality. Nor does it take into account possible environmental factors we’ll get into later. But it is important to highlight how evolution and nature look at traits. Under normal circumstances, unless a trait is highly deleterious (deadly to the individual) there won’t be enough pressure to remove it. But are these genes deleterious anyway? We’ve seen that they may play an important role when not being expressed as homosexuality, but it could play an equally as important role in homosexual animals.

PART II: The One With the Homosexual Helper

Animal preference and motivation are not always the same as it is in people. Swans mate for life. But is that because it makes it easier for them to find a mate in the future, or is it because they can feel a complex emotion like love? It’s impossible to say, so it’s impossible to know why animals do a lot of things. “But goddammit we’re going to try”, science said.

Take the humble penguin. In my last post, I wrote about how gay penguins will frequently “adopt” orphaned eggs and raise them as their own performing all of the same functions as a heterosexual couple would. Why then, waste resources raising something that’s not your own child?

According to Darwin, it’s not just individuals who evolve to protect their lineage, but groups that evolve to protect their species. This is largely the basis for theories on why altruism exists and can be applied here as well. Afterall, a homosexual couple is never going to produce a child, and if an egg or a baby is without a parent the option is left to die the population as a whole will have lost a child. But if a couple unable to conceive their own adopts it, then that is a net gain for the population as a whole. Thus, the population that keeps these genes that reciprocate this kind of altruism is more fit to survive than a population that doesn't. And the adoption phenomenon can often be seen in non-homosexual individuals as well, but it demonstrates a good example of how altruistic genes can help a species grow even at the cost of fitness to the individual.

PART III: The One With the Sexual Leverage

Nature is a fickle mistress, and she does not subscribe to one dogma. Sexuality, while predominantly used for creating the next generation, has been appropriated by many species as a form of leverage, bonding, the assertion of dominance, and even used to take the place of an all-out brawl. So it’s no surprise then that homosexual acts are used in a similar fashion. This is also where the motivating factors of homosexuality moves away from a possible genetic or natural cause and towards as more psychological reason. Take, for instance, the bonobo. This species seems to be functionally bisexual, using sexuality for control rather than attraction. In one instance a bonobo might have sex with their opposite gender for the reason most animals would, to make a baby. In the next instance, that same ape might get into a disagreement with an ape of the same gender. These two apes, instead of fighting, will use sex as a way of diffusing and diverting attention from the disagreement. And yet these two acts of sexual intercourse are entirely unrelated, and likely evolved for those specific scenarios.

And this is true in plenty of other animals as well, dogs will mount other dogs regardless of gender to show dominance. Marmots mount other marmots as a form of bonding. Dolphins will have sex with the same gender for fun, and then sex up the opposite gender for reproduction. The common trend it seems is that animals who are more sexually fluid, or bisexual, leverage their sexuality for personal gain, whether it be bonding, pleasure, or something else. While animals who remain uniquely homosexual have a more positive effect on the population’s fitness as a whole.

PART IV: The Scientific Community and Homosexuality: Do They Know Things? What Do They Know? Let’s Find Out.

Finally, I’d like to conclude with some talk about where scientists think homosexuality falls on the nature/nurture spectrum. Studies have shown identical twins are more likely to both be gay than fraternal twins, meaning that sexuality is almost certainly somewhat controlled by genetics, and this, of course, makes sense based on what we’ve seen and I’ve just talked about. Conversely, there are hormonal, as well as environmental, factors that may also contribute to homosexuality.

While most researchers agree that sexuality is innate, something that develops at an early age, possibly before cognition and doesn’t change throughout one’s lifetime, they are still hard pressed to figure out why. While it is unlikely that parenting has any effect on sexuality, parents can still influence sexuality. Several studies have shown that the each child born in a family line has an increased chance of being homosexual. For instance, the 7th son will be more likely to be gay than the 2nd son, etc. This is suggested to be likely due to prenatal hormones, but the exact reason is yet unknown.

And while homosexuality is innate, homophobia is not. In fact, while it’s likely every species has some homosexual members to it, humans are the only species with homophobic members. Much of what we know about homosexuality is stifled by human biases and irrational fears, something we’ll go over in the last part of this series.

CONCLUSION

So why does knowing the cause of homosexuality matter? Well besides intellectual curiosity, something that science is very fond of, it’s important to have facts. Over the past 50 years, we’ve seen huge leaps in rights for minorities, and that is a change that is still happening. As a society, we’re seeing growing pains. Where many embrace the change towards tolerance with opened arms, either because it affects them directly or because they have empathy for their fellow man, many are resistant to change something that they’ve never seen as broken. So it never hurts to have some objective fact reinforcing a new idea, and where better to get that objectivity than science.

[surveyjunkie]

Your Autobiography.

Little kiddies. (Grades 1-5) What color hair did you have? Very dark brown, almost black.

Did you wear glasses or have contacts? Yep, got glasses in the 3rd grade

Did you have braces? Nope

Did you go to pre-school or go straight to kindergarten? I went to pre-school for two years before kindergarten.

Out of grades 1-5, which one was the best for you? 2nd, for sure. I was at a 4-H school that year and everything was just better there - the kids, the curriculum, the teachers, the playground. Then I got moved to a hardcore, college preparatory school and everything went downhill.

Did you have a lot of friends, or just a couple? I had lots in 2nd grade, but when we moved to the city in 3rd grade I barely had any. I had maybe 1 or 2. 

What were your favorite shows? Spongebob, Sailor Moon, Powerpuff Girls, Ed Edd & Eddy, Dexter’s Lab, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Lizzie McGuire, That’s So Raven, The Amanda Show, the list goes on and on....

What were your favorite movies? The Parent Trap, Freaky Friday, Life Sized (I was kind of obsessed with Lindsey Lohan, if you couldn’t tell)

Did you read Goosebumps? Rarely. If anything I read “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark” more, which now that I’m adult I realize HOW FUCKED UP IT IS THAT THAT IS A CHILDREN’S BOOK.

What was your favorite thing to do on weekends? Watch cartoons, play online computer games (like Neopets - woo!), draw, write stories, and have sleepovers. Damn, I miss being a kid.

Pre-Teens. (Grades 6-9) What color hair did you have? Dark brown, still

What color hair did you want? I wanted blonde highlights at the time. 

Was your Middle School a seperate school from Junior High? No, they were considered the same thing where I went. Grades 6-8 was all Middle School.

Did you have a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends? I had one “boyfriend” in 7th grade.

Did you still watch Disney movies? Duhh. I STILL watch Disney movies and I’m 25, so.

What kind of music did you listen to? A mix of everything. I definitely went through phases though. 6th grade was hard/alt rock because I was trying to be a goth for some reason, 7th grade I became preppy and started listening to hip hop and pop, and then 8th grade is when I discovered “emo” music and got heavily obsessed with that, but still listened to pop and hip hop.

What were some of your interests? AIM, Xanga, music videos (loved Fuse), the show Degrassi, Abercrombie, Starbucks frappuccinos, Etnies skater shoes, boys, MySpace

What was your favorite animal? Dolphin

What was your favorite color? Blue, then changed to pink, then changed to black

Did you draw? That was actually when I started losing interest in drawing. << Same

What was your favorite subject? I’d have to say social studies.

Did you have any piercings? No.

Did you wear make-up to school? Just lipgloss in the 7th grade and eyeliner in the 8th grade. 

What kinds of clothes did you wear? Anything from Abercrombie or Hollister. Then in 8th grade all I wore was hoodies, jeans, and converse or skater shoes. Lol.

What did you do on the weekends? Hang out at friend’s houses, go to the mall or the movies

Smells Like… Teeeenagerrrrs. (Grades 10-12) Did you like your high school? Meh.

Was it as bad as they were on TV? Nooo, not that bad. It was just, meh.

What color hair did you have? Freshmen year was 9th grade for us, and I had red streaks in my bangs because I thought I was edgy.

Did you have any piercings? Just earrings.

…How about tattoos? Nope.

What age did you learn to drive? 16

When did you get your license? 17

What was your first car? '99 Chrysler 300

What was your style? It varied. I went through an emo phase in 9th grade and that’s how I dressed, but I got over it and started dressing like a bum basically. Yoga pants, sweatshirts, and uggs err’day.

Did you have a lot of friends or just a few? I had a pretty decently sized group of friends.

What did you do on weekends? Football/basketball games, homecomings, hang out at friend’s houses, go shopping or to the movies, go to the park and mess around, go to “parties”.

Did you have a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends or did you have one or two? I had one towards the end of junior year through my senior year, but we were never official. I don’t even know what we were. 

What were some of your favorite bands? The Spill Canvas, My Chemical Romance, From First to Last (freshmen year), Taking Back Sunday, The Academy Is...

What college were you considering? Ball State. Of course I ended up staying local. 

Did you get along with teachers, etc? For the most part. There were a few difficult ones.

Young Adults. (College years) What did you look like? I was SKINNYYYY when I graduated high school. I also had dyed my hair black, and had dark skin from tanning all the time. I also actually cared about my appearance back then and would constantly straighten my hair, do my make up, and pick out outfits.

When did you first move out of your parents’ house? Right when college started since I chose to stay in the dorms.

What college did you end up going to? UC.

What kind of music did you like? Don’t judge me, but I was really into Kesha, 3OH!3, and Katy Perry at that point. And DRAKE. I was obsessed with Drake. My music taste was kind of trash in college, but it went along with my lifestyle :) 

Did you like college? I loved it, up until junior year. Then it felt more like a prison.

How long were you there? (2 years, 4 years, mooore) Five years. I had to re-do my junior year because I became severely clinically depressed.

Careers. (Any time of your life) What was your first job? My first job ever was a cashier at Stein Mart, but my first “big girl job” was here at the hospital.

Did you like it? I really enjoyed it when I first started, but it started to wear on me after a while. The customers were all older, rich women and constantly had a bug up their butt. And some of the managers were awful.

Are you still there? Noo, I left that place after maybe 6 months.

What do you do now? I’m a research coordinator.

Do you like it? For the most part. I do a lot of different things at my job which is nice because it doesn’t ever get boring and I work flexible hours, but it can also be a bit unpredictable and unstructured which I don’t like. I also don’t get paid super well, so there’s that.

What do you want to do? I want to get MS in business psychology and do something in that field.

Odds and ends. Were you a loud baby or a quiet one? I was loud when I wasn’t being held or paid attention to. My mom said I was fine in public though. 

Did you collect anything growing up? Movie tickets and Chinese fortunes.

Do you still have anything from it? I kept a bunch of them in a memorabilia box.

What was your first IM screen name? liltashie92. DONT. JUDGE.

When did you first hear about Myspace? When I was in 7th grade.

Did you have a VF? (VampireFreaks.) Nope.

Do you party a lot? Rarely.

Did you? I did all throughout college, and the first year of being post-grad.

When did you get your first tattoo? Don’t have one.

Have you ever dyed your hair? I’m pretty much always dyeing it.

Did you study any languages (other than the one you were raised to speak)? Just Spanish.

Are you still into the things you were into when you were 12? Some of them. I mean, I took surveys like this then and I do them now, hahaha.

How about 15? Eh, yeah, I suppose. Honestly, I have more in common with my 12 year old self than my 15 year old self....

Do you listen to the same bands you did growing up? I do, every now and then. Currently, I have a thing for 70′s and 80′s music though.

Were your parents cool parents or were they strict? Strict. As in, I was never allowed to go to concerts unless they listened to the band first and approved it. 

Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. Nothing major, although I did total my car in 2011.

What was your favorite food as a kid? It’s always been cheeseburgers.

What is it now? Cheeseburgers.

[narutospork-blog]

Naruto Episode 1 (Part 1)

Episode Review:

We start Naruto like how much most series do with exposition. Oh, how we love exposition. I am not going to rant too much on this as most series do start with exposition. Avatar the Last Air bender opening Theme was a little over 40 seconds of exposition and it told us everything we need to know.

There are benders and there is an Avatar who can control all elements but he disappeared long ago when the world needed him most. There was a map of the world giving us understanding of how the world was bit. We understood there was war and Aanga is the Avatar and the adventure we are about to watch is him growing and becoming “the Avatar” and stopping the war. It is something that catches your interest right way.

My issue with Naruto’s exposition is well it kind of starts explaining the world then stops.

Like yo there is a demon he is destroying everything, this all happened twelve years ago, yo.

-A shot of the Kyubi “destroying Konoha”-

In the words of our “Narrator” he explains that the Kyuubi was “Crushing Mountains and creating tidal waves”

Before you think I am nitpicking this I am just going to point out. Konoha is nestled in the mountain I don’t remember ever seeing an ocean near Konoha. How is Kyuubi creating Tidal Waves? With the River? I did a little study on that and they are called tidal bore. So the Kyuubi is making imaginary tidal waves.

I will give Naruto credit as in the first episode it does look like the Kyuubi is attacking just a much of leaves in mountain but I blame it more on the budget than anything else. I know in later episodes it is drawn with him destroying the village. But I will point out I don’t feel anything as the of the plot so far and everything that was shown as not led me to feel much of anything.

–shot of a few ninjas who look like they are throwing poke balls-

I will acknowledge that they are throwing Kunia but look at the pose and the way he threw it is like he is throwing pokeballs and my favorite line at the moment. +

“Hold the Attack, Wait for the Fourth Hokage”

Thumb up Their Ass: 1 (This is what it sounds like. Whenever the main character, the village or an important character sits and does nothing because they are waiting for someone else to do it or an easy solution they get a count. This is going to be a high count I feel)

In the world of Naruto the Village Hidden in the Leaves   does what it does best in having their fingers up their ass. I will rant about this more in later episodes but as of now. Just sit with your fingers up your ass Konoha and wait for orders.

We continue the story on and see the fourth with a giant toad. We really don’t see the fourth just maybe that he has blond hair. And sacrificed his life and the words they use “A human body”

What?!  So not only did the Kage sacrifice himself but a human body as well. Not only that a baby. SPOLIER ALERT HE SACRFICED HIS OWN SON!!!!!!!!!!!! What if didn’t work out. Like demon was like this Jutsu is weak and breaks out. Then what? More Spoiler Alert we are a young readers just getting into Naruto. We have yet to learn who the Fourth Hokage is and that he is well Naruto’s father. The idea of putting a deadly demon inside a random child just seems cruel. No, this won’t get a Super Saiyan ranted about this enough.

We see the picture of the sacrificially lamb I mean baby Naruto.

Our next shot is of Naruto running around the village while trained…I repeat trained Ninja’s are chasing him. Keep in mind Naruto is not Ninja yet, he is not out smarting one ninja but four- five of them. They are just having a hard time getting him.

Naruto You Asshole: 1 (This is for every time your Naruto does something asshole like  )

It seems like Naruto the “Prankster” is vandalizing the president’s  the Hokages heads and just disrespecting the great leaders of the village.

First off Naruto wasn’t that creative.  I don’t get what point he is trying to make but when I first watched this I though Naruto just didn’t care and was just saying “F.U” to the village leaders. I mean he drew shit one of their faces. When I was little I used to draw a big pile of shit on people or things I hated. How wrong was I.

Any way Naruto decides to speak and I can’t help but love the words he elegantly tells the Ninja’s chasing him. They are “losers/wanna bes” and “they don’t have the guts to do what I did?”

Just leaving this here…not trying to prove a point or anything like that.

My question remains as to what? Vandalism? I don’t know Naruto, doing something doesn’t take guts but a lack of brain power. Is that the joke? Be an asshole, cause inconvenience to others by vandalisms. Because it missed the joke as a child and I am sure a lot of others did as well. What Naruto just did was wrong and disrespectful.

Naruto You Asshole: 2

We continue on and it is just me or does Naruto sound like an old lady? Well that is because he is voiced by an old lady Maile Flanagan https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maile_Flanagan. It is kind of easy to tell the moment Naruto opens his mouth and talks.

We jump from the Ninja’s chasing Naruto to two ninja’s tattling to the Kage. Yes I am using tattling because seriously he is only twelve years old. Why the fuck are you guys having a hard time catching him. Plus it also sounds like they are just whining.

The phrase they use at 1:20 “Lord Hokage we have an emergency!” The great and powerful Hokage’s answer is, “I hope you are not bothering me with something trivia, and don’t tell me it is Naruto, again,” Of course these great ninja’s do answer in their whiniest voice possible. “It is Naruto….”

I am going to agree with the Hokage, god damn you whiny ninjas do you bother him for everything Naruto does. I mean yeah I agree vandalism is a criminal offence but we don’t go calling the FBI or even president for something like that.

Thumb up Their Ass: 3

This gets two counts one because they had to bother the leader of the village. I mean they probably would bother the Kage if he was shitter. Two because Naruto vandalized four huge faces before someone took notice that Naruto was doing something to the great stone faces. If they respected the stone faces so much why did it take so long for them to notice?

This wasn’t a five-minute art project you give to a kid. This must of took all morning or something as he had to jump from face to face with different color paint in hand.

But if you put 1:34-1:36 on a loop it looks like they are dancing. I would say to the background music but really are dancing to techno.

We jump back to the same five buildings once again.  And Naruto is jumping from building to building and two ninjas are chasing after him and of course shouting his name in the most dramatic way possible.

We then have a confusing scene:

he jumps down okay we see that. And notice he has nothing in his hand just the paint bucket. 

here we see him jumping to the left of the screen. He is running. He clearly isn’t in that spot no more.

We get a second of this same spot. Meaning the Ninja’s are good distance away but they could see him and stuff

here they are they jump to the left of the screen to chase after Naruto. 

Then we get this. What is this? What is going on here?

Bam Naruto!!! My first question is how? How did he out smart a couple of ninja’s chasing after him? Two, where did the paint bucket go and where did that invisibility cloak come from. Did he steal it from Harry Potter? Harry is going to need to need that back you know fighting the dark lord and all. I can already sense a few of you are coming up with answers. No, he can’t use a clone jutsu because it was stated not even five minutes in this episode it is his worse jutsu, he can’t do it all. Don’t answer it is a cartoon, I don’t care if it is cartoon logic still has to work.

“I was the turkey”: 3

This gets the count because it is Kishi thinking he is being cleaver and going bam plot twist. He tricked the Ninja’s chasing him. He also tricked you isn’t that cleaver. Again Kishi if you want a cleaver plot twist here.

Black hole of Doom: 3

I don’t think I need to point out as to why this gets a count but I will. It doesn’t make sense plus it never gets explained how Naruto managed to jump from away from the screen to appearing in the middle. But seriously I want to know more about the “invisibility cloak” like is there mass production of them but it only works at a certain spot. How did he even get his hands on it?

Naruto reveals that he was the turkey and laughs. Or what is supposed to be a laugh and says, “That was too easy,”

Thumb up Their Ass: 4

You know that was too easy, I would I hate see what the village would be like during a crises situation.

-Whistles as she puts the picture away-

Dolphin man stands behind Naruto and I guess surprises him and Naruto does this weird sound effect but also defeats the laws of gravity and kind of just floats in the air for five seconds and it follows with cartoon sound effects. And Iruka is just watching while one of Newton’s law is being tested. And follows Naruto as he falls to the ground and Naruto manages to twist his body to face Iruka and so he could land on his butt.

This scene is memorizing I had to watch it a few times just to make sure what I heard and watched was correct. It was just so off putting.

Naruto ask in an accusing voice “Where did you come from Iruka-sensei? What are you doing here?”  Well you see Naruto when two people really love one another…. But really Iruka is a sensei (teacher) and really what is he doing outside of the classroom.

Iruka points, “No, what are you doing here? Your supposed to be in class,” as he points an accusing finger. No, really Iruka what are you doing here? Don’ t you have a class to teach. I don’t know much about the school in the Narutoverse but I always assumed Iruka was the one in charge of Naruto’s class so really what is he doing?  I guess we could say he chased Naruto during his lunch break.

We cut to our next scene of the classroom Let’s see who else failed exam all the characters.

Starting from the bottom left to right, we have bitchy one Ino, the one always eating because that is the joke Choji, cliché female Hinata, dog boy Kiba, the “smart” one Shikamaru and the one everyone forgets Shino. Two important characters,  Sasugay Sasuke, Bella Swan Sakura, Can you guess which character is important…psst it is the one with colors.

We get great exposition

How Naruto “failed the graduation test, last time, and the time before that” and how “tomorrow how /he/ has another chance”

Show don’t tell: 1 (Naruto is never complete unless Kishi is telling us what is going on. Kishi doesn’t depend on his readers to find out or let the conversation flow naturally no. We need a big all exposition dump. After all we as his readers are as dumb as his character )

Um…excuse me Iruka do you see the class before you? They are all Naruto’s age. I don’t get how this school works. I wish I did but for now I will point it out. If Naruto failed his graduation test so did all this kids sitting in Iruka’s classroom.

Black hole of Doom: 4

A count just for the damn school system that ever makes sense; It just leaves the readers more confused. Seriously I still cannot make sense of the school.

Naruto is like…so whatever man. 2:25 This Irks dolphins man so much he makes a cartoon sound effect. Seriously what is with the cartoon sound effects? I normally associates these sounds with American cartoons, not something at will later show blood and you know what add breast to it too. He punishes everyone because even he is confused by the sound he made as well and now “everyone will review the transformation Jutsu”

There is the beautiful because you hear the children groan and we get this weird PowerPoint flip transition. Again it is so off putting.

But we get to my and Kishi’s favorite character of the series Sakura Haruno or as I well like to call her the Bella Swan of the Naruto world. I will explain as I continue on reviewing this series but take note. Sakura only pay attentions to the hot emo guy. Bella’s only focus on was on the hot emo boy.

Any way Bella says her name and transforms into Iruka. Iruka praises her. Bella the strong independent woman we know she is turns to Sasugay and brags. If this was another series I wouldn’t care but as this is Naruto and Sakura and I know Sakura’s ending to me this is basically saying. “I as a woman will acknowledge my accomplishment if my man approves,” you think I am exaggerating. Haha, no it comes again in the very same season where Sakura is praised by Kakashi for controlling her Chakra and bashes Sasuke and Naruto and Sakura’s reaction is to protect Sasugay.  But I will get to that but this does start a new count can anyone guess what it is?

Stupid Girl: 1 (Sings: Baby if I act like that maybe he will me back. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR4yQFZK9YM Normal voice: This is based off P!nk’s song stupid girl. If anybody listened to the song it is basically talking about girls that have no dream or ambition but to act stupid and get guys number)

And another point here

You sexist, asshole: 1 (Kishi is sexist and I am going to prove to everyone every time he does something sexist with his female characters. “But their clothes aren’t falling off and the girls don’t show a lot of skin, so he can’t be sexist,” Wrong it is the action of the female characters that make Kishi sexist.)

Iruka calls “Sasuke Ue-chiha”  Sasuke Ue-chiha turns into Iruka not at all impressing Iruka as he just kind stared at Sasuke Ue-chiha saying “good.” I am going to take a random guess and Sasuke Ue-chiha is the cool emo boy that every girl wants to date.

I mean look at his slumped shoulders, and I don’t care expression and his hands in his pockets.  –Waves hand in front of her face- So cool, he is the bad boy every girl wishes to date no wonder why Bella Swan likes him and people ship them together. Hopefully he doesn’t try to kill her in later episodes.

I don’t know about you fangirls but that screams romance to me.

Iruka calls Naruto next and we get well just a couple of characters pissed off Naruto.

Shikamaru voices all our thoughts we have at the moment in of the show. Not even three minutes in, “Naruto, this a total waste of time,” why yes Shikamaru it is, I don’t know about you guys but I love it when shows are self-aware. Yes, everything about Naruto is a waste of time but we still do it anyway.  We get Ino giving us more exposition. “We always pay for your screw up,”

Naruto You Asshole: 3

No Naruto the trouble maker he is just answers with “Like I care” I have an issue with this as well. Again in the hands of another author I wouldn’t have a huge ass problem with the trouble maker who has a hard time making friends and screwing things over but, with Kishi it ends up being a problem for me. We are supposed to like Naruto and later on in this episode sympathize with this character who everyone one hates. The issue comes is Naruto is always fucking up and causing problems for his classmate and just being a huge dick about it. What Naruto does is play into people’s emotions, we don’t feel sorry for Naruto because we like him. We feel sorry Naruto because Naruto wants sympathy. There is no build up.

Naruto You Asshole:4            

Hand Holding: 1 (This should be pretty self-explanatory but I will explain it. Oh the Irony of this comment. Kishi has a tendency of holding his readers hands when we are watching/reading Naruto. He basically just in the end repeats what we already know into our head just to make sure we get the idea. This is different from Show don’t tell as hand holding is Kishi is walking with us in the story. Show don’t tell is Kishi just writing shit but not showing it.)

This gets a count because we already know Naruto is a screw up. I can hear some fans saying “But this establishes character for Shikamaru and Ino” . –Sigh- No it does not, you could basically replace these characters in this scene with dish soup and bucket, we would still get the point.

I forgot to add a point to this, because before Naruto was asshole to Iruka as well, which led to the punishment of the classroom.

Naruto You Asshole: 5

Keep in mind, we are supposed to like this character. Just bear in mind we are supposed to like all these characters. This is going to be a long series.

Oh, by the way fans we are about three minutes in and we got the names of our “main characters” (I use the term lightly as most of you reading this know why) but you should forget about them because they don’t appear for another two episodes.

We meet our Dandere character, Hinata Hyuuga I dislike her too. I dislike her a lot, I dislike most of Kishi’s females. I wish they would have a personality of their own away from the lead males. But us vagina people we only think of love. And yes Kishi did say that not from his mouth but Kakashi’s you will see when I get to that episode. Stupid vagina people.

As Hinata wishes Naruto “to do his best” I can’t help but wonder about this guy

what his story he looks so happy while everyone looks pissed. Did his friend say something funny? I wish I could no more about him.

Anyway back to the story we expect Naruto be all series as he suddenly has blue light around him. (I know it is chakra but as a newbie watching this this wouldn’t know).We get Kishi’s version of fan service. Kishi is really stretching the bar to get his female fans, naked woman who really is a twelve-year-old boy, a love struck tween. 

Naruto turns in a sexy female with boobs, hips and curves, he/she whatever we call it at the time looks “sexy”. The sad part is his female form more personality than any of Kishi’s vagina people. -Rolls eyes- She is fan service for nine-year-old boys, he/she uses her body to get what she wants.

You sexist, asshole: 2

The creepy thing is Iruka gets turned on, aroused. I am going to remind everyone Naruto is a twelve-year-old boy.  It is obvious it is a jutsu and that it is Naruto as Naruto’s sexy form

He still has his damn face mark.  On another note for an artist who claims he can’t draw females and that is why Sakura looks the way she does he drew a fucking sexualized version of female Naruto not even five minutes in.  I know this is the anime and someone else probably drew the picture but I will mention this, this episode is a plot based off the first chapter and it is alike in a lot of ways including this seen.

Iruka has a nosebleed (cause that is normal) because clearly he doesn’t get enough action if he gets turned on by that. I am creeped out a bit I will remind everyone Naruto is a twelve-year-old boy turned into a naked female and Iruka got turned on.

Kishi has a fetish and I don’t want to know any more than that.

Naruto turns back to normal and Naruto is laughing because an adult male getting turned on by that is normal. No seriously it is normal, the hokage, turend on by it, Kakashi, Yamato other male characters. I really hope this Jutsu dies off and is never used for anything important and ruins the emotion of the last arc.

We pan out the longest still frame ever, of staring in front of the school. I could have made coffee in that time. It pans to the hokages faces and we see Naruto mumbling while cleaning the faces of the hokage how much it stinks.

Dolphin man is like “you aren’t leaving till you cleaning all the faces”

And Naruto is like, “So what it is not like anybody is waiting home for me,”

Show don’t tell: 2

This gets a count because Kishi is telling us Naruto doesn’t have a family. In case all of you missed it Naruto doesn’t have a family. No one is waiting for him he doesn’t have a family, I am surprised Kishi didn’t straight up tell us Naruto is an orphan. This could have been easily summarized in scene and showed more emotion to Naruto coming home to an empty house and having dinner by himself. It is a cliché yes but it isn’t like Kishi himself is very creative from the start and isn’t a bad cliché it shows us that Naruto doesn’t have a family. I need to rant about this, but I will rant about in chapter three.

World’s tiniest Violin:2

Just so you know you are too feel sorry for Naruto he doesn’t have a family. If it wasn’t clear enough he doesn’t have a family or anybody waiting for him. We see Iruka deep in thought or as deep in thought Naruto characters before inviting Naruto for some ramen ‘the good stuff’.

So I get the point of telling Naruto he has to clean the faces of the hokage’s faces. He “disrespected” the leaders. But to reward the child after the mistake by treating him for some ramen, seems counter protective.  Sure Naruto had to clean the faces of the hokage’s faces he just graffitied, that no one noticed till he hit the last face. But he will get rewarded with some ramen.

This of course excites Naruto who says what a great motivator this is. And cut the kage’s faces and finally we see the title card of episode. Four minutes in and thirty seconds and I am not sure why it took so long. Nothing of real importance happened in these four minutes.

[jb-blaq]

Ideal Teams: Titans Show

So San Diego Comic-con has passed. There was lots of exciting news and even more exciting trailers, particularly with dc for once. It seems like everyone is a lot more excited than Aquaman and Shazam when they were just the week before. But with all good must come bad and even though DC had a lot of good looking things this SDCC they also had what must have been the biggest blunder. I think it's safe to say that almost nobody is seriously looking forward to they are Titans show anymore. There's a lot of reasons why from being yet another gritty reboot in an era where people are sick of them, to the clunky writing that was presented and from a visual perspective, the show looks awful. It's clear that they're not working with a very high budget and that should be fine Titans shouldn’t require that big a budget depending on which members they choose to use so let's take a look at the lineup.

... Oh. It's the cartoon. Again. Don't get me wrong I love to Teen Titans cartoon and these characters and I understand why they did it the cartoon lineup has become the most recognizable version of this team. Even though the show is technically called The Titans, who do have their own separate identity from the Teen Titans, you do want to peak the interest of people who grew up with the cartoon. My problem is not only are these characters more associated with Teen Titans than just Titans but all these characters require a higher budget than a tv shows going to get especially one that's on an untested streaming platform like this one is. So for this ideal teams, we're going to be making a more faithful and budget-friendly Titans team.

Robin (Dick Grayson) Now fuck  Batmans aside Dick Grayson is a no-brainer. He's the team's original leader the most iconic Robin even though most of the Robin attributes the people associate with him come from other Robins. Having him struggle to form his own identity separate from Batman with it coalescing at the end of the season with him becoming Nightwing is a storyline that everybody's wanted to seeing live action for a long time.

Speedy (Roy Harper) Roy is my pick to be the second-in-command at least at the start of the season. He and Dick Grayson of always had a really fun rivalry very similar to Bruce and Ollie's or what I feel is a more apt comparison Hawkeye and Captain America's. Seems like archers have a knack for bumping heads against leaders. Besides the rivalry, Roy has tons of story potential as you can tackle his infamous battle with heroin, his long unrequited crush for another character on this list, and in later seasons you could adapt his unusual relationship with Cheshire. A note from me I would make a change to Roy's backstory instead of making him the son of a rich white family who was adopted by a Native American tribe I would just make him native American. Roy’s backstory doesn't matter too much any way it would be a good chance to give a young native American actor work, and it allows you to get rid of the bizarre cultural appropriation aspect of the character that Iron Fist had to deal with when it came out.

(Side Note: Yes I know iron fist was originally white in the comics. That's not particularly relevant to the people who are criticizing the choice to make him white in the show. I'm not going to state where I stand on that here, I'm just trying to avoid a bunch of replies trying to fact-check me on something I already know.)

Aqualad (Garth) Now a lot of people would suggest we just replace Garth with Kaldur as he's become the far more popular character but I would argue against that for a couple of reasons. One reason is this hypothetical version of the Titan show would be being released on dc streaming service which when it comes to original programming is airing with The Titans and the third season of Young Justice. The Kaldur version of Aqualad is a main character on that show and well Dick Grayson also is there's a lot of different ways to tackle Dick as a character since he's been around so long. The Kaldur version of Aqualad is pretty much only defined by his appearance on young justice so having him on another team show running on the same platform where one is directly taking inspiration for a character from another would be kind of a mess. Another reason is as you have probably picked up on by now I am going for the original Titans lineup from the 60s which Garth was a founding member of. And another is Garth is a really underrated character often made the butt of jokes for his connection with Aquaman in his admittedly silly name. But the character has a fun and not too expensive power set basically being a Waterbender and you can do a really sweet romance with him and his future wife to be Dolphin. I think it's time for Garth to have his moment in the sun.

Troia (Donna Troy) It's a shame most people don't know about Donna Troy, the original wonder girl has been an absolutely vital member of The Titans over the years. One of the reasons you might not have heard of her is that Donna has a famously confusing origin story with it being retconned numerous times. In my hypothetical version of the show figuring out her origin story would be the main plot of the first season. Not only because that would allow for a lot of great character work to be done but her trying to learn her true origins could contribute to an overall theme of self-discovery that you could play up throughout the whole season. Her powers are very low budget with her basically having the same moveset as Diana. Her aloof nature could lead to comedy when it comes to Roy’s crush on her which is always been cute. She's a fun and confident character who also lens herself too dark and brooding storylines which lead to well-rounded characters. Also, it would be very refreshing to have your team powerhouse be the female.

Kid Flash (Wally West) And finishing the original fab five is wally west. I'd also go with the original version of wally west for similar reasons to why I chose Garth to be our Aqualad. The Flash CW show is already doing the black Wally West and like Kaldur this version of Wally West is so new that the show is really defining just as much of the character as the comics are, so it's best to just let that version of Wally West develop in that show separately and not trying copy of character that's already being worked on elsewhere. And the original version of Wally West is not only one of the most important Titans but one of the most important characters in dc is whole continuity. But for being such an important character he has made shockingly little appearances outside of the comics and even when he has it's either him already as the Flash like in the justice league animated show or he's so minor that it's hard to even remember that he was there like in the Teen Titans cartoon. But to see the full journey from Flash fanboy turns sidekick, too confident superhero in his own right, to having to take the mantle of Flash and balances time between The Titans and the justice league it would be amazing to see the full journey. And like Dick Grayson I don't think it's too much of a problem that Young Justice and the show would be using the same version of Wally cuz there are so many different ways to you handle Wally story.

Okay so we covered the original 5 and that's what I would make the team for the start of the show. Though besides the original team and the cartoon, Titans are actually known for having larger than average team sizes. So I would have members join over the course of the season who would those be? Well, I've come up with a few candidates.

Bumblebee (Karen Beecher) Now while Bumblebee is not an original member she has been with the team since their original run. She was their first tech genius. She has a sharp tongue in a sharper mind. A generally fun character and very progressive for the time that she was created in. I could see her becoming a huge fan favorite if more people were made aware of her. She's also been in a very long-standing relationship with…

Vox/Guardian/Herald (Malcom Duncan) Mal Duncan another long-standing Titans character. Mel's just your average guys smart but not a genius, powerful but not god like I think if he were put on this show it would be a great opportunity to expand his character more. What Mal is most known for is identity swapping he's most commonly remembered as Guardian his original one, but he's had the identities Herald, Hornblower, and my personal favorite Vox. He's had many different powers but in my mind, the one that gives him the most purpose is as a teleporter. Mal certainly isn't the most exciting character to add but I think having a solid normal person who doesn't have that much baggage on the team would provide a nice center for the team.

Flamebird (Bette Kane) Bettie Kane has always been a fun character who hasn't gotten nearly enough love and I think it would be a good opportunity to give it to her here. She was the first Batgirl sidekick to both Batwomen at one point in time cousin to one niece to another, it's slightly confusing. I would forget about her ever being Batgirl in this show and just make her the former sidekick of Kate Kane her cousin. Her biggest inspiration for being a superhero was Robin who she has a crush on even after she becomes a hero. I think adding another non-powered member of the team is a good idea. She can provide a good will they won't they romance element with Robin. Also, her connection to Bruce's family could further influence Dick in his choice to step away from Being Robin. This is just a fun character that I would need to add to a show like this.

Well, that was my pitch for Titans. I hope you enjoyed some of the ideas I threw around. And even though I made fun of it I do sincerely hope that the actual Titans show that they are making is good, I guess we'll find out soon enough. Please favorite and reblog.

Check me out on twitter:

https://twitter.com/jrebest

Continue the conversation on my discord:

https://discord.gg/CEEXaBr

[audiofixationnews]

#OverloadMonday: Golden Era’s Kids Taking Over + Black Panther Arrives

Here's some overload for your Monday blues. Check out what went down this past week, February 5th - 11th.

Singles

Apple | Spotify | TIDAL

What’s to follow the Golden Era? Their kids of course. Diddy’s kids, the lot of them, are all talented and literally do everything from fashion, acting, music. After testing the waters with a couple tracks here and there, it seems like one of Diddy’s kids are ready. Christian “King” Combs has released a new single with Chris Brown titled “Love You Better” that shows King is not playing games. In a flip of Schoolly D’s “P.S.K. What Does It Mean” - or you may recognize it as “Touch Me Tease Me” - King shines through and damn does he sound like their father. I hear a bit of Mase in there, too.

We got new music from Cozz, Tee Grizzley x Meek Mill, Pollàri x Lil Skies, and Skizzy Mars. 

Chris Rivers keeps his “Barzday Wednesday Freestyles” going. Now he enlists his sister, Star Rios, in his tribute to their father Big Pun on this past Wednesday which marked the 18th anniversary of Pun’s death - “You Ain’t Banned."

We also heard from Space Dolphin, Rae Sremmurd, Yung Pinch, and Lenny Grant x Tory Lanez x Aviator Keyz.

After all the big news and new music flowing with Pro Era, Joey Bada$$ drops his own new joint, “80 Blocks” featuring Chuck Strangers.

Oh, we’re not close to done…we ALSO got music from Lucki, Sage The Gemini x Trina, and MF DOOM x CZARFACE.

Check out a remix of Khalid’s “Location” with Jorja Smith and British rapper Wretch 32.

Lawd! This past week five people got together and made a six and a half minute track that will blow your mind. KXNG Crooked, Tech N9ne, Chino XL, Rittz and producer Statik Selektah all makeup Forever M.C.. With a compilation project on the way that will feature the likes of Talib Kweli, Royce 5’9”, The Game, and plenty more. To start they release their first joint together, “Terminally Ill.”

After a taking a year off, Jon Waltz returned with new music - “Backstreets."

And then there was...Stalley, Young Thug x 24hrs, and Dessa.

With a project in the works, check out IDK’s newest single with Denzel Curry - “No Wave.”

SOB x RBE have released their first single in a long time, “Carpoolin’.” Produced by Joe$$, the single is slated to appear on their upcoming project, Gangin’. While we’re on the topic of SOB x RBE, one of their members, YHUNG T.O has linked with Kamaiyah for her newest joint “Seasons."

Brent Faiyaz, the pure magically voice in the trio Sonder, and GoldLink’s “Crew,” released a not so new but still amazing track called “Make Luv.” Originally supposed to appear on Sonder’s debut album Sonder Son, the track didn’t clear because of sampling. Thankfully he’s able to release it now: Apple + Spotify.

In a HNHH freestyle session, female MC Molly Brazy made her big debut. It’s definitely a hot one, take a listen. After you listen to that, check out her latest single “Last Minute."

Ciscero links up with Goldlink and recruits April George and Cheakity for his newest single off his upcoming Devil’s Pie, “Function.”

Visuals

Another beautiful awe-inspiring visual from Dave Meyers and The Little Homies. From beginning to end…just damn! And the same can be said about the album. Watch the visual for Kendrick Lamar and SZA’s “All The Stars” above, and scroll down to check out Black Panther: The Album.

Black Youngsta dropped a hilarious video for his track, “Booty.”

We saw new visuals from the likes of Lud Foe, Towkio, and Rich Homie Quan.

After teasing it earlier on in the week, Wiz Khalifa released a visual treatment for his new joint track with Sosamann, “Best Life.”

After dropping The Saga Continues back in October, Wu-Tang have recently released a visual treatment for “Lesson Learn’d” starring Mathematics, Redman, and Inspectah Deck. W’s in the sky!

There were videos also released by DJ Mustard x RJ x Ty Dolla $ign and PARTYNEXTDOOR x Calvin Harris. 

BlocBoy JB teamed up with Drake for his latest single, and visual, “Look Alive.”

J.I.D. pays homage to his favorite cartoon with a twist in “EdEddNEddy."

We also saw new visuals from Black Atlass, Nilüfer Yanya, and Tate Kobang x West Side Goldie.

Projects

Apple | TIDAL | Spotify 

And its here! The highly anticipated - yes highly anticipated and we’re only in February - album for Black Panther that hits theaters this coming Friday (Feb 16th). Executive produced by Kendrick Lamar along with TDE, with contributions from Mike WiLL Made It, DJ Dahi, !llmind and several more. The 14-track album features the likes of The Weeknd, SZA, Swae Lee, Anderson .Paak, Travis Scott, Jay Rock and many more. No really, there’s a shit ton of people on this album. Pick your poison above, and stay plugged for a review.

Rock Abruham, Rayvn Lenae, Audio Push, Young Sizzle (aka Southside), and Ralo have all dropped projects this week.

As this year marks the 25th year anniversary of Wu-Tang’s big debut (Nov 9th),  U-God has just released a new project for good measure. Bring Back God II comes in at 18 tracks and is laced with some good ol’ freestyles laid over some today’s hottest beats. Mixed and mastered by DJ Homicide, DJ Green Lantern provides some exclusives too. The tape serves as an introduction to his upcoming work, as he prepares to make 2018 his year. U-God has his memoir, RAW My Journey into The Wu-Tang, and his album, VENOM, dropping March 6th and March 30th, respectively. For now, Bring Back God II is available to stream and download via DatPiff.

As his first release of 2018, Kap G dropped his latest effort Real Migo Shit 4. The 10-track project features the likes of Lil Uzi Vert, Lil Baby, Don Ace, and more. Serving as a follow up to his Mood and Supa Jefe projects, Real Migo Shit 4 proves to be a pretty solid project.

2 Chainz has released a surprise project, The Play Don’t Care Who Makes It. It features the likes of YG, Offset, Street Runner and a few others. The EP can be found on SoundCloud.

SHIRT began his 2018 with a new single, “Flight Home,” and now he’s released his official debut album under Jack White’s Third Man Records. Coming in at 11-tracks, listen to PURE BEAUTY via Apple Music or Spotify. 

Coming Soon...

After teasing the project last year, Bishop Nehru recently made an announcement that confirms the reunion between he and MF Doom on their Kaytranada-produced joint album. Titled Elevators: Act I & II, the album serves as a follow up to Nehru and Doom’s 2014 NehruvianDOOM.

"This project is a collection of my feelings straight from my heart, all of my ideas were created specifically off of instinct and intuitive occurrences. This album is my answer to the question, 'What would you say your music sound like?' My answer to that would be 'Grammy Rap.' There's 'Mumble Rap' and then there's 'Grammy Rap.' With this project I was largely influenced by music theory and Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys. This is my attempt at a 'rap' Pet Sounds.”

Along with the announcement, Nehru also dropped a trailer for the project that you can watch above. While Elevators is due March 16th, stay plugged for more updates.

Speaking of MF DOOM, he will be teaming up with CZARFACE for a new album titled Czarface Meets Metal Face. The album is set to release March 30th.

Finally, it’s about damn time! It looks like we can definitely expect an album from Anderson .Paak as he has confirmed it’s “almost done."

With Victory Lap coming out February 16th, Nipsey Hussle reveals the album’s  tracklist. The album is loaded, featuring the likes of YG, Kendrick Lamar, The-Dream, CeeLo Green, and more. Check it out via his Instagram, and it’s available for pre-order.

SAINt JHN is finally gearing up to drop his debut album, Collection 1, on March 9th.

Yasiin Bey, formerly known as Mos Def, has announced that he will be joining forces with Talib Kewli once again for a new Black Star album this year. Together as Black Star, they have only released one studio album. No title or release date revealed but we do know that the duo will be working with producer Madlib.

Jacquees is also gearing up for a new EP release, This Time I’m Serious, that will act as an introduction to his debut album 4275. Just recently he revealed the tracklist to This Time I’m Serious via Twitter along with its release date, “2/16.”

Rich The Kid is releasing his debut album in March. No actual date, just “March,” he told XXL in his latest interview where he says: “This will be the greatest album of 2018. Best hip-hop album - you heard it here! There’s no other rapper that will drop a better album than me. No one.” Mm..bold claim right there. We shall see. He also made his Hot 100 debut for his joint track with Kendrick Lamar, “New Freezer.” This is a big year for The Kid.

Dreamville’s Cozz took to Instagram to announce the release of his debut album. Effected is slated for February 13th, yes tomorrow, and will feature the likes of Kendrick Lamar, J. Cole, Garren and of course Curren$y with their “Badu” joint. He also released the single with Garren you can find above.

After dropping solo projects last year, all members SOB x RBE have come together to release a project. The lot of them - Yhung T.O., Slimmy B, DaBoii and Lul G upcoming project, Gangin,’ that is slated to release February 23rd.

With Memories Don’t Die dropping March 2nd, Tory Lanez has revealed the album cover, tracklist and dropped three new singles all in one day. The album will feature the likes of Future, 50 Cent, Paloma Ford, Wiz Khalifa, and more. Upon going onto the album’s official website, you must “secure the bag” with your email. Once you do that, a download should happen automatically and there you have it - the bag of Memories Don’t Die goodies.

Flatbush Zombies are back! After a quiet 2017, the Brooklyn trio have just announced their next project Vacation In Hell will drop April 6th. The project serves as a follow up to their film, “Building A Ladder,” that drops April 2nd. They took to Twitter to make the announcement through a two-part trailer. Check out parts one and two, and stay plugged for more updates.

After releasing his joint track with Missy Elliott and Kelly Rowland, “Get It,” Busta Rhymes sat down with Billboard to talk about his upcoming album.

"The only thing I am going to say is that this is definitely going to be my most compelling body of work that I've ever put together. I haven't dropped an album in retail since 2009. I am really proud of this project. I was very patient with it and took my time. Patience was probably one of my greatest weapons when putting this project together because there were things I ended up stumbling on that ended up on the album years into the recording. I've been working on this album on and off for nine years. There's going to be an announcement made soon on the title and we should definitely be having this album drop before the midway point of 2018.”

Check out the rest of the interview where he talks about setting the tone with “Get It,” his Extinction Level Event album’s 20 year anniversary this year, and more. And stay plugged for more updates on Busta Rhymes and his upcoming album.

Check This

Big Sean has announced his Unfriendly Reminder Tour. Via Twitter, he had this to say:

"With the platform I have now, I thought it would be perfect to revisit a lot of the old music as well as the new classics on my next tour. But I’m gonna give you guys the opportunity to choose my setlist on this tour.”

Yup, he will be revisiting his older material and we get to pick his setlist - UKNOWBIGSEAN! He always has something up his sleeve. With Playboi Carti, G4SHI and Shy Glizzy all tagging along, check out the tour dates via his Instagram and his website. The tour kicks off on April 12th in Orlando, FL, and ends in Toronto, ON on June 3rd.

After releasing his debut album, Maxo Kream has also announced dates for his own Punken Tour. Kicking off in San Francisco, CA on March 21st, Maxo will wrap up his tour on April 28th in El Paso, TX. Go to his website for more information and to get your tickets.

Following the induction of Jay-Z last year, Jermaine Dupri is the next to be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame and is the second Hip Hop act to do so. As if I have to mention, Dupri deserves this spot for co-writing No. 1 hits such as Mariah Carey’s “We Belong Together,” Usher’s “Burn” and several more. He took to Instagram to celebrate. Salute to JD! Among the inductees this year are Kool & The Gang members bassist Robert “Kool” Bell, saxophonist Ronald Bell, drummer George Brown, and singer James “JT” Taylor.

“Music has scored my life since day one.” Nas penned an open letter to commemorate Black History Month, paying homage to those who came before him and opened those doors. While we wait for his next album to drop any day now, the letter is a must read.

Previously, anything before his debut album Camp was not available on Apple Music, TIDAL or even Spotify. Now, Childish Gambino’s earlier work, cleverly titled EP, is finally available to stream anywhere and everywhere: Apple, TIDAL, and Spotify.

Mike WiLL Made revealed via Twitter that Rae Sremmurd was influenced by OutKast’s 2003 double-disc Speakerboxxx/The Love Below for their triple-album SremmLife3. He followed up with another tweet: “w that being said, to all true Sremm fans out there that know we drop the quality when we feel it’s right, never just for attention. ‘Sremmlife3’ is FOR Y’ALL specifically.” He goes on explain the triple-album, and this explains for all the misunderstood solo rumors. SremmLife will consist of two solos, Jxmtroduction and Swaecation, from Slim Jxmmi and Swae Lee respectively, and one group effort titled SR3MM. With no release date as of yet, stay plugged for more updates on SremmLife3.

From Bronx girl to Bronx girl, we should be seeing a collab from Cardi B and Jennifer Lopez soon. After the “Finesse” video dropped, many from In Living Color thanked and gave props to Cardi and Bruno, especially former Fly Girl J.Lo. And then during one of her shows, J.Lo danced to Cardi B’s “Bodak Yellow" that had Cardi B in her feelings: “This is a Bronx girl dream… The mother @jlo.” And now, J.Lo has confirmed their collab with Latino.com: “I do have a record coming out with [Cardi B] and it’s coming out soon. I don’t know what the video is going to be set, but we’ll see what we come up with."

Stay plugged

That sums up this past week in Hip Hop. Come back next week for more.

[toriknickers]

Get to know me, I guess..

if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

Read- peas and queues by Sandi Toksvig

Watch- any 90s Cartoon Network shows (cow and chicken etc)

Listen- 303 by kula shaker, and baby I’m a fool by melody gardot.

have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who? Nope

list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.

Outlander- Mrs.Fitz

Dnp [lame I know]- Dan. I feel like we’re just fairly similar people.

do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better? I didn’t used to, but i do now.

do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do? Human bean

are you religious/spiritual? Nah m8

do you care about your ethnicity? I probably should but no, not really

what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime? Idk. I like music, and I have eclectic taste, but I don’t have a special connection to anything or anyone in particular

are you an artist? I wish

do you have a creed? Nope

describe your ideal day. Sleep, food, internet

dog person or cat person? Cat

inside or outdoors? I appreciate the outdoors but I like to be indoors

are you a musician? I wish I had any talent

five most influential books over your lifetime.

Harry Potter (all of them)

Fantastic mr. Fox

Twilight (I know, I know.)

The Canterbury tales

Enduring love

if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same? Nope. 100% not. Cultural and social differences etc.

would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”? My primary, yes.

what’s your patronus? A dolphin. (I was livid.)

which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle? Hufflepuff 4 lyfe

would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else? Hogwarts, obviously.

do you love easily? I don’t think so...I want to be all cynical about it, but I married my first proper boyfriend so...

list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order. Working, Watching Youtube, sleeping, housework, forcing my cats to love me

how often would you want to see your family every year? 1-2 times a week...love my famalam

have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone? Kind of.

could you live as a hermit? Pretty much already do.

how would you describe your gender/sexuality? Female, loosely heterosexual.

do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”? Nah. Too fat to fit the aesthetic haha

on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin? It depends...generally a 10, I’m not easily bothered by stuff. But people who are just rude, or not nice- no need, absolutely don’t understand you and don’t need you in my life tyvm.

three songs that you connect with right now. Creep- Haley Reinhart

Trans Siberian orchestra- carol of the bells

The x-files theme

pick one of your favorite quotes.

Do what is right, not what is easy- unknown

[skillzme]

10 Fun Super Mario Facts You Never Knew You Wanted To Know [Infographic]

When you think of Mario, you probably have a certain image in your head. If you're like a lot of folks, you see a cartoony middle-aged plumber with a fungus addiction. Let's take a look at some of this and more fun Super Mario facts you did not knew you want to know.

Digital Marketing is not anymore like traditional Marketing, now Marketers need a proof of their investment. But according to Shigeru Miyamoto, creator of Mario, you might have been misinterpreting Nintendo's iconic mascot for decades. In a recently re-published interview from 2005, Miyamoto stated that there weren't any strict guidelines or definitions when it came to Mario lore. "I think it was fortuitous that we didn't put any restrictions on Mario as a character (...) Normally when you create a character and present him to the world, all the details get filed in: what's his favourite colour? what kind of food does he like to eat? But aside from the fact that he's about 24-25 years old, we didn't define anything else." Though Mario has appeared in games for over 30 years, he's apparently still young enough to stay on his parents' health insurance. That's probably a good thing, since the Mushroom Kingdom benefits package is mostly comprised of cake and kisses on the cheek. So what's the story about Super Mario and Donkey Kong? So, Mario and Donkey Kong didn’t exactly get along in the first Donkey Kong game. Donkey Kong captured his lady, Mario had to climb a bunch of ladders and get her back, let’s just say they didn’t end on good terms. But what does Mario do in response? He captures Donkey Kong from the wild, locks him in a cage, and then sends out his bullwhipped animal minions to stop DK’s son, Donkey Kong Jr., from saving his father. I don’t even know where to begin with this. Obviously, there’s an element of animal cruelty here, but it’s exacerbated by the fact that DK and his son are self-aware, and Jr. is watching his father dangled in front of his face before Mario sweeps him away to the next stage. Super Mario is one sick puppy. Mario Once Went To Battle With Monsters From Hell Yes, you read that correctly. Super Mario, along with Kirby and Link from The Legend of Zelda once went to battle against the worst the underworld had to offer in a comic strip featured in German gaming magazine, Club Nintendo. Simply called Super Mario in the Night of Horror, the plot of the comic is this: Mario, along with Kirby and Link, must defend their Brooklyn skyscraper and Princess Peach from Abigor, a demon, and his evil forces, which include such classic horror characters as Leatherface and Chuckie. Using Van Helsing’s weapons and drinking “red serum,” the Nintendo heroes are able to drive the evil back. Remarkably, this story is actually part one of a two-part arc, just in case you really need that Mario/horror itch scratched. Luigi was originally colored green because of technological limitations Luigi has gotten the short end of the stick for most of his life. For the most part, he's always been mentioned in relation to his more famous sibling; most know him as "Mario's brother" or "Player 2" or "Green Mario." This goes back to the creation of the original "Mario Bros." game -- not the classic sidescroller, but the weird single-screen arcade game. You might have played a variation of it in Super Mario Bros. 3's battle mode. See, Nintendo wanted another character for multiplayer purposes, but they had limited memory. So Luigi (which is close to the Japanese word "ruiji," which means "similar") was built as an exact copy of his brother. But when it came time to design Luigi's clothes, Nintendo had a problem. They couldn't very well give him the exact same wardrobe as Mario, but they didn't have a ton of memory left over for the palette. So, making do with what they had, Luigi borrowed the color from the Koopa's green shell. You can eat the dolphins in the Japanese version of Super Mario World (but not in the US) One of the most memorable levels in Super Mario World has to be "Vanilla Secret #3." There's a reason that it's often called "The Dolphin Level," as porpoises bound across the screen, acting as mobile platforms for Mario to travel across. It's not the toughest level in the game, but its And it's way different in Japan. Should you visit Vanilla Secret #3 while playing the US version of SMW, you'll find that the cute, cuddly dolphins are immune to Yoshi's tongue. But in the Japanese version of the game, these dolphins are just as eatable as any apple or koopa you might come across. No one is really sure why this is, but there are a couple of theories out there. One suggests that Western audiences were particularly attached to dolphins during the early 90s, as anyone with a Lisa Frank Peechee folder could attest. Some think that it was actually a way to make the game easier for dummies in the US, since allowing players to swallow the dolphins is essentially letting them destroy the quickest path across the level. Mario Almost Had A Gun It’s hard to imagine now, but originally, a shoot-’em-up stage was planned for Super Mario Bros. From Shigeru Miyamoto: “We originally thought about having a shoot-’em-up stage where Mario jumps on a cloud and shoots at enemies” It’s crazy to imagine Nintendo’s golden boy wielding a gun and dropping enemies in the Mushroom Kingdom with a bullet to the head, but it was almost a reality. For shame. What would Batman think? Of course, the game ended up going in a very different direction, and Mario’s ammunition was supplied instead by fireballs. Because setting someone on fire instead of shooting them is far more humane. Mario, you’re the worst, man.   Mario Is Not Aging Well According to Super Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto, Super Mario is somewhere in the area of 24-25 years old. That’s right, you read that correctly. Super Mario, a short, round, mustached man who, realistically, looks like he’s probably in his early forties, is in his mid-twenties. What is going on? There are a few possible explanations. First, Mario’s repeated trips to the Mushroom Kingdom, a different dimension than the one he is from, are somehow taking a toll on his brain, metabolism, and physical appearance. Another is that Mario’s rampant drug use (as we learned from the previous item on this list) is catching up to him. He’s like a video game Keith Richards, or something. Just another reason crack is whack, kids. And if you’re a kid reading this, stop! I thought I made it clear this was not for you. Bowser Had His Own Show…And It Would Terrify You Everyone remembers The Super Mario Bros. Super Show, the Mario Brothers cartoon featuring professional wrestler Captain Lou Albano as Mario. What far fewer people remember is the short-lived King Koopa’s Kool Kartoons, KKKK for short (or just “whoops” for really short), a show that featured an actor clad in a Koopa costume that managed to somehow walk the line of looking both cheap and terrifying simultaneously. The show consisted of Koopa queuing up public domain cartoons for a live audience of children, all of whom were outfitted in Koopa themed hats and shirts, which didn’t do much to take away from the idea all of them were being held against their will. The show enjoyed a lengthy run from 1989-1990 and was only broadcast in Southern California. There Are Two “Adult Industry” Movies Based On The Mario Games OH, WE’RE GETTING INTO IT NOW. Yes, you read that correctly. Shot in 1993, Super Hornio Brothers and Super Hornio Brothers II are two”adult” films based on the Super Mario Bros.‘s video game adventure, and even feature Ron Jeremy as Mario, or, as he’s called in the film, Squeegie Hornio (just for the record, I am enjoying writing this just as much as you are reading it). Nintendo actually purchased the rights to both of these movies in order to make sure they were never released to the general public. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that was a pretty good call. Ok, good to know, let's continue with some more intersting fun Super Mario facts. Super Mario Sunshine has a secret Zelda cameo There are plenty of odds and ends that don't add up in Super Mario Sunshine, but one of the most intriguing mysteries has already been solved by the community. Though obviously a human, Il Piantissimo shows up "disguised" as one of the local Piantas to race Mario in a series of challenges. You never get to see under his mask in the game, but fans hacked apart the code to figure out the speedster's true identity. What's under that mask will shock you! Well, unless you played Zelda games on the Nintendo 64. Though a little shorter in stature, the man is known as Il Piantissimo is undoubtedly the same person known as the "Running Man" in Ocarina of time, and the mailman in Majora's Mask. Fans can find just about anything if they have a set goal in mind. Maybe if they look hard enough into Super Mario Sunshine, they can find a good game. Enjoy the Infographic summarizing all we heard now, or have been reading about our 10 Fun Super Mario Facts you never knew you wanted to know. Another of Fun Super Mario Facts, he has a new Job The economy is hard in the year 2017 and so had Super Mario also the need to look for new income since his plumping business is really leaving out. Watch the Video from the recent Jimmy Fallon Latenight Show. Before we end our story about Fun Super Mario Facts here a bonus: Super Mario Might Be A Mass Murderer From the Super Mario Bros manual: “One day, the kingdom of the peaceful Mushroom Kingdom people was invaded by the Koopa, a tribe of turtles famous for their black magic. The quiet, peace-loving Mushroom People were turned into mere stones, bricks, and even field horsehair plants, and the Mushroom Kingdom fell into ruin.” Hang on a second. Wait a minute. Backup. What was that last part? They were all turned into stones and bricks? Aren’t those…exactly what you spend the entire game destroying? By that logic, with every brick you smash, you are in fact, taking the life of an innocent denizen of the Mushroom Kingdom. You’ll never look at Mario the same way again. But your kids still can. Because hopefully, you kept them far away from this list. But when they’re old enough, take it out, sit them down, and tell them the true story of the “Super” Mario. Oh, brother. If you enjoyed reading leave us a comment and share our blog, thank you. Link: Mario Games - Nintendo's Official Home for Super Mario Nintendo's official home for Mario. Check out new, popular, and classic Mario games for the Wii U, Wii,Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo 2DS, Nintendo DS, and more Click to Post