#apparently this is sad headcanon night as i game

[goldenlaquer]

Woahhhh if asks are open... can I ask for Gintoki trying really hard to impress this girl he likes, but everything goes to absolute shit because this is Gintama? Totally fine if you delete! I still devour all your old stuff to fill my soul with life 🥹 Never come across anyone who writes Gintama as accurately as you bebe 😘

Sakata Gintoki Headcanons:

If Gintoki made a list of pros and cons about himself, it would probably read like this:

Pro: he has a big dick. (Big dick reading as BIG DICK, in bold, all-caps. Triple underlined.)

Con: he's a perfectionist. (Con: he's a liar.)

So, it isn't all that hard to imagine impressing you would be a Herculean task for Gintoki.

Asking Kagura for advice is like shooting yourself in the foot. Gin-chan is penniless, she says matter-of-factly. No lady wants a broke, mooching, deadbeat boyfriend. A pause to let him absorb these insults, and then, Papi brought Mama three heads, she kindly tells him like it's the secret to your heart, and that's very romantic in Yato culture apparently. Which reminds Gintoki that Kagura is from a different species just as much as her barely counting as female to begin with. Well, in human culture, he could give you as many heads as you'd want— but that's bases away and he's been swinging strikes all throughout this sad, unrequited game.

Asking Shinpachi— no, no. Now, that's a lost cause.

He tries. He does. He really tries.

He tries complimenting you. Suavely slide in a comment about how your teeth looks like it could bite into hard candy, no problem. That your hair doesn't look as dry and brittle today than it did yesterday, and oh wow, your tits look... wow. Double thumbs up.

He tries paying for your meal, to show that he can provide for you, that he's not going to be the broke, mooching, deadbeat boyfriend Kagura deemed him to be. Work a few odd jobs and have all the correct bills in his normally depleted wallet, even break a comb on his hair and get dressed to the nines in his nice, regular clothes that passed the sniff inspection when he shook it out from a pile of unwashed laundry— and it's just, while on the way to his favorite family diner he invited you to, he's passing by a pachinko parlor, with all of its flashy get-rich-quick displays and bright dinging noises from within, and that was when he's suddenly sensing it... the taste of victory. Long story short, the only thing he'll end up tasting is the strawberry parfait that you paid for.

Whatever poor progress that manages to inch forward always ends straight back to the negatives. Damn the perverted stalker and her masochistic plays she forces on him. Damn the timing and whatever deity has pitted against him when you step onto the scene to the sight of him wielding a paddle as the stalker squeals happily while tied to the wooden cross. No, this isn't— he wants to tell you, but your expression has already smoothed into a carefully blank canvas before you turn your back to him and walk away to leave him to... it. No, this isn't what it looks like, he wants to scream.

In a mood of desperation and shots deep in cheap gutter sake, he'd even wrote a poem in the dead of night, detailing the color of your eyes and all the things they reminded him of, invented a new word just to make a rhyme with your name, how the sound of your voice catches in his chest when he hears it— shit if he knew anything about pretty words, he'd never wrote anything longer than a drawn penis before— and once he was done, what he did next was ball the whole sheet up, open the nearest window, and pitch it to the stars. The lamest shit he ever did in his life will be taken to his grave.

Sometimes, because his name is Gintoki, and he is the protagonist of a septic tank for low hanging fruit comedy series called 'Gintama', sometimes the whole universe is against him.

There is a two episode-length arc the occurs, but due to the time-constraints of these headcanons and the writer's own laziness, the details of it shall not be outlined, but please know it involves an exposition, conflict, rising action, a climax (and not the good kind), falling action, some explosions and a tiny grave misunderstanding that leaves you storming from the wreckage in fury and exasperation, and Gintoki catching your wrist, spinning you around to face him. Emotions and adrenaline running high, chests heaving in exertion, and seeing your face covered in soot and sweat and your eyes huge and wet, looking damn more beautiful than you have any right to be, that's when Gintoki finally decides to put his big balls to use and confess himself to you. Opening his mouth and—

Plotfully, the wind picks up, and then suddenly a wadded ball of paper rolls to hit your feet. Both you and Gintoki look down to stare at this interruption. You bend down to pick it up and unfold the ball, startling at whatever you find, snapping your eyes up to him. "Gin, your name is on here?"

Shit! Gintoki realizes, recognizing the paper now. This is the worst possible timing! My stupid shitty poem somehow found its way to the woman it was written for. And why the fuck did I sign it!

He looks left and right, searching for a vending machine to put his head through, and when there are none, he's scrubbing his face with his hand, looking at you and the damned poem he wrote that found it's way to you, as if was meant to be there. "I wrote it." He finally grumbles. "For you. Don't be creeped out."

Your eyes scan the page from top to bottom, reading. Your eyebrows shoot up, looking up at him with wide eyes.

"This is really what you think about me?" Your trembling voice barely above a whisper.

Gintoki pauses. Then nods. "Yeah. Every word."

Your expression blanks. You turn the wrinkled paper around. Gintoki squints.

Shit! Gintoki thinks. I was so drunk I never wrote anything down, I just drew a penis!

[tsunami-of-tears]

So High School headcanons

Rhys, Cassian, Azriel, Lucien, Eris & Tamlin

Specifically the part where she’s being touched in front of his friends and stifling her sighs…

A/N: Just something short and sweet to get me back in the groove. I usually get pretty severe PMS, but apparently I get the ovulation sads as well. SO FUN!!

Warnings: Sexual themes, the males are horny 

Rhysand

Rhys may be the most powerful high lord, but there is nothing subtle about him. The male makes thunder noises when he winnows for god’s sake. 

If he’s touching you in public, everyone knows. 

He does it everywhere, using the smallest excuse to show off what is his (respectfully)

You have two thrones in the CoN, but yours doesn’t see much use. Rhys would rather have you sitting on his lap. 

Cassian 

Okay side note - Travis gives me such Cassian vibes (he’s an athlete who’s obsessed with his lady). Don’t tell me Cass wouldn’t be making friendship bracelets with the Valkyries 😭

Anyway - I bet you and Cass have a running competition. How far can you go before someone notices? 

His hand will be inching up your thigh further and further under the booth at Rita’s. 

A gasp slips out and eyes are straight on you.

Busted - Cassian’s hand returns to your knee, starting the game again. 

Azriel

Az will be scout’s honouring you without even using his hands. 

Dancing at Rita’s? Shadows are caressing the curve of your butt.

In the CoN? They slink under your dress, rippling up your legs.

At family dinner? They’ll be holding your legs open under the table as they slip inside. 

You have a similar game to Cassian but if you lose the game with Az, he’s not as nice to you. 

The second you moan out loud, you know you’re in for a rough night when you get to the privacy of your bedroom…

Lucien

Lulu is so traumatised, I feel like he’d be so loving with his mate. He’s also a total gentleman so he keeps his hands to himself when with company. 

That doesn’t stop the two of you slipping into a quiet room in between meetings. 

Or maybe even right before, trying to finish before the other High Lords and courtiers enter and sit around the table you’re currently lying on. 

You quickly fix your skirts as the handle turns. Lucien will brush aside any hairs that have fallen out of place for you. 

You take a seat, knowing your scent is all over the room. Brows are raised as people enter, but no one says a word. 

Eris 

Like Lucien, Eris is traumatised. After Beron’s death, he starts to open up a lot more, finally able to show his court a softer side. 

He made you his High Lady, so you attend every single meeting and ball together. 

He’s shy about PDA at first but after taking you in the throne room (privately), he realised he got a thrill from the possibility of being caught. 

From there, you couldn’t sate him. Anytime you’re by his side, his hands are all over you. 

Tamlin 

Tamlin is the king of outdoor sex. 

Calanmai, in the forest, in the garden, by the pool of starlight… 

He takes you on romantic strolls around the court and it always ends with him between your legs in some picturesque location. 

At least Lucien doesn’t have to chaperone you…

[princessbrunette]

Stepbro!Rafe is too hot to handle, idk out of all characters the trope suits him so well 🥵 I love your stepbro!Rafe headcanons because you just know he’d be so possessive and never let another man touch his step sis. Him with a sweet naive step sis would be so hot!! Like he makes it his business to make sure every man in Kildare is afraid of him so they never even dare approach his step sis. That leaves her never having gone on a date or even having been kissed so she innocently and naively pours her heart out to Rafe on night all vulnerable and lonely and sad thinking there’s something wrong and off putting about her because no boy has ever asked her out when all her friends are gossiping about their active dating lives and sharing intimate details of their sex lives whilst she’s feeling left out because she’s never had close to any of that. Little does she know Rafe threatens every man he sees even talking to her. So she innocently asks him stuff like “I wonder what I feels like to get eaten out” and he coaxes her into letting him do that to her because he’s just being a “helpful step brother”. And another night she’s curious about how to give a guy a blow job because she wants to be prepare for when she gets a boyfriend (foolishly thinking Rafe would let any man but himself touch her in that way) so he’s more than happy to teach her how to. And begins frequent night where she innocently wonders into room asking him to each her how to do things she hears her friends doing with their boyfriend like “Rafe, what does doggystyle mean 🥺?”, “Rafe did you know people have anal sex 😯?! Where men put their penises in inside the woman’s butt! I wonder what that would feel like???” Hmmmff step bro Rafe is a fave trope 🥵!!!

i love this a lot because there’d be so much manipulation involved and… idk when it’s rafe its hot 🙏🏼

“girls really… do this kind of thing? i don’t know rafe, it seems a little gross to m—”

“look, i just don’t want you to embarrass yourself, a’ight? you’re my little step sister… wouldn’t wanna have to beat some guys ass because he got mad you don’t know how to suck him off properly… right? y’know i’m just tryna take care of you.”

also, bonus points if reader starts to catch on. i mean you’re not an idiot, after the first few ‘lessons’, seeing how much rafes enjoying himself you start to realise it’s mostly for selfish gain. but… you turns a blind eye to it because as much as you know it’s wrong, you like it too. he makes you feel good.

you’ll come slinking into his room with your most innocent face on, pawing at him, so helpless and sweet, talking about “apparently… you can grind on a guys thigh and it feels really good… heard the girls talkin’ about it and i felt left out ‘cos i’ve never done it before…” your hand playing with the north face fleece he wore. he stares down at you knowingly, fighting away the urge to smirk.

“y’think i’m dumb or something?” he rasps after a minute and your eyes widen.

“huh?”

“you come in here… actin’ all sweet cos’ you wanna get felt up by your big bro again, ain’t that right?” the way he words it makes you recoil, shoulders practically at your ears as you rapidly shake your head. “yeah… yeah you want a freebie. i know your game.” he begins to back you against the wall, and you could cry from the humiliation.

“s’not true rafe, i just wanna learn!”

“bullshit. what happened to you, hm? i think… i think i’ve turned you into a slut.” he mocks concern, tilting his head with wide worried eyes. your bottom lip juts out just like he thought it would, shaking your head still in denial.

“no…” it comes out small.

“uh-huh. and you know what happens to sluts?” he closes in. “gotta be punished. i can’t have you turnin’ out like that… running around town trying to get yours. i gotta nip it in the bud, yeah? m’a proactive person, you know that— a good big brother, i gotta teach you a lesson.” he’s dragging you over to the bed, manhandling you to bend over his lap.

you must’ve caught him on the wrong night.

[madness-combat-confessions]

Okay idk if this is the most Obvious shit and im just slow or if theres been an ask about this or something but we need to talk about cloning and the AAHW more imo!!

If the thing about sanf and dei being previous members (and i think doc being confirmed?) then that begs many questions. Jeb and tricky were also members and we know their lore as past scientists for nexus and then jeb was "hired" by auditor and tricky too probably but we dont have a direct confirmation afaik but everyone else is just? Vauge?

Like either A) AAHW has people working for it that are not clones like the mass agents and soldats and engineers and they are never mentioned (which would be stupid imo considering how far we are into the story) or B) they are all clones that dissented which for deimos is yk not far fetched considering his poster outright stating it

BUT THEN THAT BEGS THE ISSUE ON HAND. Everyone that ive seen online considers the agents as personality-less fucking creatures and i think even canon says smt like that about them but like.. if a clone can dissent then they probably Arent as bland as they seem. And even that isnt far fetched, i mean they hold birthdays apparently and play games to pass time. How deep does it go? How much will do they have? They seem to be conditioned to never run when Hank aka (almost) certain death is around which is one thing but are they scared of death? Do they have favorite foods and colors? How human (or in this case grunt) are they? Is it just Some of them that have self awareness/personality? Are they coded to have a personality? If yes is it random or set? Would the AAHW bother to code a random persona generator?? Do they perhaps lose more of their indaviduality/humanity as they progress up on the food chain to be soldats or engineers??

Idk i keep seeing agents n shit in fics and stuff be shown as these sometimes mechanical creatures with 0 varying personality and 0 humanity and it makes me heavily wonder about them. Maybe theyre just a bit dumber than average due to being mass cloned? Shrug. I dont know i think theyre more interesting when considered to be actual people than just. Puppets. They are metaphorical and sorta physical puppets yeah but like they held a birthday man. Fuck. They had a birthday.

Agents keep me up at night.

-anon MMS if i can claim that cuz its funny /opt!!

Glad to know that I'm not the only one who also thinks about the AAHW!

I personally think/headcanon that basically everyone in the AAHW is a clone because anyone that could had been an actual real person is dead (lol). And idk how to explain it but from what I've read they lack S-3LFS, but they still are kinda like people? Like they might just appear like mindless clones who only wanna kill Hank, and they are that don't get me wrong, but I think they also still act like people to some extent (or at least some of them)

I mean one of the agents in MC 9.2 had been writing "We are abandoned " on a wall so to me that says they're capable of understanding their situation and feeling sad (?) about it?

Now I'm not sure on the engineers and the soldats, I mean a soldat literally blew a rocket where their team was because they thought their boss had told them to. Which makes me think two things

1: The AAHW is a bit too blindly devoted to the Auditor. Which is probably because they are clones that were made/'programmed' to be that way.

2: I think that the soldats and the engineers have less "free will" than the agents because of the ATP

There's also something else I wanna talk about

This:

Like hello? What the fuck did this guy do?

From my understanding what is considered a dissenter in this series is someone who goes against the Auditor and the agency. So what did this guy even do? Did he try to betray them like Deimos and Doc did?

Or was it perhaps something minor like not doing their job? Like actually make a decision for their own and don't do what the Auditor says for once, like how an actual person would do?

I wanna say that's a stupid reason to kill one if their agents, but it's a possibility: the Auditor is shown to not really take it kindly when people don't do their job, she literally sliced a grunt in half for it. Even though all the grunt did was play cards with some other agents.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case this guy was damned a "dissenter" and killed by the Auditor (or maybe the other members) for that reason.

So taken to account that they are soulless clones but can still 1: celebrate birthdays 2: play games to pass time 3: dislike their shitty ass situation I'd say that they have some personality, it's just that the Auditor is too strict to allow them to show/act like it. Because she doesn't want people with free will in the agency he wants mindless clones who'd do whatever she says.

Does this make sense I swear it does in my head I'm just bad at putting it to words.

[octahedral-chaos]

Oh boy...

*Looks at the now-nuked Worldless AU blog*

*Looks at my blogs, one of which was nuked because I wasn't interested in it at all*

*Looks around*

... @many-faced, as well as @sqarletsworldlesswandering and @mystic-131, I am sorry but I think my weird feelings and brain is attempting to force me to make my take on a Worldless retelling-

I mean... it's about time... I'm the only one who doesn't have one as yet. Trying to figure it out since I don't want this to be like my general headcanons for the game/ canon versions of everyone-

AKA Late night sleepiness + Weird sadness that decided to stay + Brain disliking change = AU Inspiration apparently?!?

[valley-of-headcanons]

Heyo!! So I was just thinking, I think I've only ever read one fic of a marriage candidate being divorced and then memory wiped. And I'm in a bit of an angsty mood. So! If you want, maybe some headcanons of the bachelorettes' reactions to getting a divorce? Of course you can choose which bachelorettes you want, or just not do this if you don't want to, no pressure! ^^

bachelorettes reacting to divorce || headcanons

are you sure you want to divorce your loving wife? ... okay, i don't know if you'll like the aftermath, though ...

warnings: LONG post, good lord. super angsty, but most of them have mini redemption arcs. hints of depression and self-depricating thoughts, mention of pam's abusive tendancies.

requested by: @ambersky0319 , thank you so much for the request! angsty time, here we come. funsies <3 i managed to keep it together until i got to penny's and i started crying 💀 my babyyyy :(( but yeah, this is really sad, you've been warned.

abigail

• Abigail thought she had done enough for you. She thought she was the perfect little house-wife, even though that's really not who she was at all. She was always looking for adventure, until she sacrificed most of that for the farm life with you. And she loved you. But when you suggested divorce, she was upset. She spiraled through the five stages of grief in an instant, stuttering and trying to say the right thing even though her feelings were so huge.

• She yells at you, she can't believe after everything, you're willing to throw it all away. She threw all of her possibilities away for you. You. But it's okay, it's fine. If that's what you want, that's what you'll get. The loving wife Abigail was is gone, replaced by an uncaring girl who's trying to get back to the things she used to love before you came along.

• She moves into the basement with Sebastian, opting out of moving back into her parent's place. She needs freedom, to do the things she loves. Adventure. Game. Find herself again. She would do it with a friend, someone who appreciates her. Unlike you, apparently.

• Most nights she can't sleep, however. She replays everything in her mind over and over, and most nights she gets up to play games. Sometimes Sebastian notices this and plays with her, and sometimes he lets her do her own thing. He knows when to intervene and when not to, and that definitely helped Abigail. She's healing slowly, but some nights are just really hard without you by her side. As much as she would love to not care, she just ... can't.

• If you try speaking to her, you get met with a glare and a scoff. She tells you to leave her alone and not to bother her anymore. She can't take talking with you again, it would kill her. She's going to be herself again, by herself! And she's going to love every ounce of herself, without you. So, fuck off.

emily

• Emily thought that you two were written in the stars, lovers until the end. Apparently, she had thought wrong. She loves you, she thought that you loved her just the same! But when the divorce papers were handed her way, her stomach just dropped. Everything slowly fades around her as she stares at them, not registering yet. Her mouth is slightly open, before she just walks out of the room. She gathers a few belongings before slowly making her way back to her sister's house.

• She's numb at first, not really knowing how to deal with something like this. She can't speak for hours, and Haley knows something is wrong. Emily mumbles something about the divorce papers her way, and she's instantly on her way out the door. A very angry Haley is at your doorstep, seemingly more upset than Emily, but it hasn't hit her yet. You get cursed out and told to never show your face in town again.

• As she sits in her own room, she turns to tarot cards, crystals, anything. Everything tells her same thing: better luck next time. Her heart is shattered. As she tries for the fourteenth time to pull a card that represented you coming back, and the love rekindling, she gives up. She gives in and puts the cards aside as she cries. She bawls her eyes out for the first time as she realizes that this cannot be undone.

• Slowly but surely, Haley will try to help her feel better. She'll make all the food, suggest things that they can do together, even takes one of her shifts at work for her. But nothing works ... until she sits her down and puts a sewing machine in front of her. She puts on a show, begging her to sew her a dress because her clothes are suddenly out of fashion. And that reignites her passion. She begins to love her work again, and in turn, loving herself.

• Speaking to her is absolutely out of the question. What's done is done, and she won't talk to you afterward. If you try, she'll ask you to leave her alone, and that she's trying to get over you still. If you don't respect her decision, Haley will probably be at your doorstep in an instant. She's getting better, but she needs you out of the picture.

haley

• Haley has a very fire-y spirit, and when she's pissed off, you'll see it from a mile away. However, when you bring up the thought of divorce ... she's shattered for a moment. Her guard has slipped to the point of vulnerability, and now you're slapping her in the face with it. She stares at you for a moment, a sorrowful expression. She can't believe this is happening- the love of her life, the person she married ...

• She puts on a powerful facade, glaring at you before beginning to yell. Words spew from her lips that she's never even said before, which is surprising. She's been hateful, she's been a bitch, but she was softer now. Well, she WAS ... until you stomped her heart into a million pieces.

• She moves back in with Emily, who takes a few days off of work to take care of her sister. Haley doesn't want you to know she's taking this awfully, though, so she puts on makeup everyday and goes to the saloon. She pretends to have fun so that she can claim she won the breakup, before returning home to continue grieving.

• Many late night talks with Emily are sprung about, Haley finally talking through her emotions. She needs to get to a better place mentally, and Emily knows that. So, she'll ask for Shane's therapist, who now has Haley booked for a session. And it helps. So. Much. Haley begins to be a better person not because of love, but because of herself. She's kinder and sweeter, and tries her best to be her best self.

• You run into each other a few years later, and she seems more radiant than ever. She tells you that it's fine, and that she understood why you had to do it. It made herself a better person, and hopefully it did the same to you. She bids you farewell with a soft smile before walking away. She definitely won the breakup, though.

leah

• Leah loves you harder than anything she's ever loved before. The passion that she has for you is beyond the moon and the sun and the stars ... but she's noticed that it's not been reciprocated recently. And she brings it up to you, asking what's up in a soft and caring tone, before she drops the bombshell. She thinks you're joking at first, laughing softly, before her world crumbles before her.

• She doesn't leave immediately, she can't let this go. She argues, asking why you would feel this way, and what she can do to fix things. What can she do to be a better spouse? Nothing, apparently. You claim that you're happier by yourself, so ... she leaves. She moves back into her little cabin.

• She uses art to work through her grief, constantly painting out her sadness or carving out her anger. Art has always been how she expresses herself, and that certainly hasn't changed one bit. She's still a strong, independent person, she always has been. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, though. She's trying to get out her feelings in the healthiest way possible.

• She tries not to let the grief of this relationship weigh her down, but sometimes she doesn't leave the house for days. Painting, sleeping, eating, sculpting, eating sleeping. Elliot eventually gets sick of it, dragging her out of the house and to the beach. They sit and talk through it all, although Leah isn't the greatest with her words. Elliot helps her vocalize her grief.

• Seeing her, you notice how she's still glowing. Nothing has changed about her, aside from being a tad bit more confident. She's beautiful, she's stunning, and she knows it. And she knows what you're thinking, so she gives you a soft smile and let's you know that she's happier on her own. Farewell.

maru

• Maru adores you, and she loves talking with you about the things that interest her, and the stuff that interests you! However, you've been talking a lot less ... and it all makes sense when divorce papers are laid on the table. She takes a moment, trying not to lose her composure. She asks a few questions, logical ones. Why? Is there anyone else? No ... you've just lost feelings. That almost hurts worse.

• She packs up her stuff immediately, and temporarily moves in with her parents. She's planning on finding a place in the city, her talents will be much more appreciated there. Not in a place like this, not where you are. She works and works, day and night, so she doesn't have to think about it.

• Eventually, she breaks. She talks to her dad, holding her face in her hands as she stutters and breaks down further and further. But she'll compose herself. Of course she will, this is Maru. She's smart, competent, and strong. Even the strong have to break a bit sometimes, but she'll find ways to learn from this. She won't make the same mistake again.

• She moves out to the city, getting a nice house to work in. Her career takes off without you, just how it should be. She's come to terms with the fact that you aren't in her life anymore, even if she had to move away to deal with it. But she does, and she's working her ass off. And her life is better without you.

• Coming back to town to visit her parents, she runs into you. You try talking with her, wanting to talk about all the memories you had ... but she cuts you off. She tells you that you have nothing to say to each other anymore. There is nothing here for you, nothing her for her. Silence is what you both need, and you part ways.

penny

• Penny finally found a home in you. You were like her knight in shining armor, getting her away from her awful life with her mother. Until you started saying things that began to match up with her mother's words ... and it began to kill her. After you finally dropped the bombshell and showed her the papers, she almost passed out. She begged and pleaded, cried and sobbed at your feet. She couldn't take this, this couldn't be happening ...

• She couldn't go back to her mom, but she couldn't stay here. She bought a very small cabin, which Robin helped her pay off, and spent several days in there. The first few days, it was only a bed and a small kitchen. Her days consisted of crying and watching TV, trying to get the thoughts of you out of her head, but it didn't work. God, nothing would work.

• Slowly, she decided that she had to start doing something. Staying home wasn't good for her, and what about the kids? They were probably worried. As she exited her house, she checked her mailbox and saw several "get well soon" cards from Vincent and Jas, and then everything hit her at once. She needed to get better, not just for herself, but for them as well.

• She found comfort in decorating her new home, even creating a small, mini-library for the kids. Her classes could be held in her home, so she had to make it the prettiest place possible! She remembered how much she loves helping these kids, and it helps her through a lot. She begins to love herself, too.

• However, she still can't speak to you. Even looking at you makes her break, so she tries to avoid you as much as possible. If you try to speak with her, she tells you to leave her alone, beginning to get teary-eyed. She goes home to recover, making herself some food. She's getting better at cooking too. Maybe she's better off without you ...

[julietasgf]

BOA TARDE/ NOITE / DIA 😈 Your approval of Ma Plinth and Mrs. Everdeen's analysis has given me the delulu power of Coriolanus

I'm no longer afraid to throw up my headcanons and I'm making my notes for an upcoming post about Sejanus and the academy kids I think he might have an interesting platonic relationship with (my victims are Lysistrata, Io Jasper, Persephone Price, and Plup Harrington hahaha don't freaked out about that last one. I swear I can explain; it's a complicated issue and I don't think they are friends but I can perfectly see their parents forcing them to talk and them having a terribly tense relationship😭 but well that's for another day). Before I ramble on let me just say that I love talking to you Juli 💖 How was your first day of school? -if you want to talk about it-. I hope everything went well and I want to reminder that you are amazing

Once we've cleared that up LET'S GET STARTED!!!

I think after many posts we've come to something of a coherent conclusion about the flaws and virtues affecting the film adaptation of TBOSAS (The Plinths, the academy students, the tributes and the games, etc). Conclusion that is good to remember is based solely on our opinions, conclusion born of our perspectives - in case anyone other than us reads this. I have seen the reblogs…

There are only a few loose ends left because your explanation of the importance of the space of enunciation from which Suzanne published TBOSAS and why she chose a character like Coriolanus to star in that book was chef kiss. You put very well in words how context cuts across media - and I think it's well intuited why it's not surprising then that TBOSAS movie in the current landscape is so apolitical.

I also agree that the stories Suzanne tells depend on small details that give the reader a broader perspective and nuance of the actions/emotions/circumstances of her characters and that when the film undoes or modifies these the story is severely affected and is one of the many factors that lead to the storytelling of Coriolanus and Sejanus for example being so different in intent and message than their book namesakes

The one thing I did want to say before I go talking about fics is that one advantage the movie had over the book when it came to humanizing the tributes is that it happens outside of Coriolanus' head. It makes a lot of sense that in the book excluding Lucy Gray -and that on occasion. Not to forget how LGB admits at one point that during the day even in front of Coryo she ACTS and at night she finds it almost impossible to hide her fear so we don't really see much of her real vulnerability-we know so little of the tributes on a personal level and they feel like flat characters since Coriolanus doesn't really see them as people.

Sometimes he sees flashes of their humanidad but stops himself from trying to humanize them -and when he has those flashes he himself says he's acting like Sejanus to stop himself, which I think has very strong implications, Snow actually killed his humanity when he killed Sejanus 😭-but the main point is that in the movie the tributes are freed from Snow's perspective and can be their own people.

And yes Coral I think was one of the best changes. And I'll continue the eternal campaign of please people. Read the book if you want to say something about LGB or Sejanus.

(Oh boi. Your comment about fandom proving THG-TBOSAS critics, I won't discuss it because its a lurid subject but I'll just say you are so right and sadly there are many examples cof cof rue cof cof cof).

About the fics:

Well. The BairdPlinth series was GREAT AND SO SAD, LGB and Sejanus are awesome but have the worst taste in men �� although yay for fics centered around platonic relationships 🙏🙏🙏💖💖💖

With "And they called it puppy love" I discovered a couple of very curious things:

I had already read that fic but the curious thing is not that. But apparently THAT was the FIRST TBOSAS FIC I kept in my BOOKMARKS!!!!

Ma, it was a cruel recommendation /j not joke but im not complaining 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I enjoyed it but my heart is broke, I can't say anything else cry.

And we come to: Paralell lines.

I read the first chapter. I haven't read the second one yet. Partly due to lack of time, partly because I don't want to finish it. I've been rereading the first chapter every chance I get with absolute devotion.

My brain chemistry was also forever changed and when I finish it I know it will go on my list of tbosas fanfics that changed my LIFE

Speaking of that list… I've look for 3 fic of my list for you <3

I have to say that in TBOSAS I've read fics with very varied themes, more varied than I usually read -and when you see you end up writing an omegaverse because something in your head clicks with Dr. Gaul and ah- but I have a thing for stories that fill in gaps (pre canon, post canon and divergences from canon my beloved) so that's what you'll mostly find in the 3 chosen ones

Btw I hadn't thought about it before but I think I also have a love for fics where a character study is done over other things hahaha so you'll find that too.

1. out, damned spot

Summary:

You’re not real, he thought – thought it hard, and hoped that it would be enough to send Sejanus packing. You’re a morphling hallucination.

And Sejanus crossed his arms, one hip canted at an insolent angle, as if to say: afraid not, soldier. - Okey. Buddie you don't know how much this fic ALTERED THE CHEMISTRY OF MY BRAIN. 99% of my fanfics are inspired in one way or another by this one, and I consider it canon in my head.

2. odi et amo

Summary:

He knows Coryo would never admit to remembering the rose garden. - This one is narrated by Sejanus!!!! And it's pre canon TBOSAS, <3 it centers around a little school project that Coriolanus, Sejanus and Livia are assigned to do together and I won't say more because it would be spoiler only that it has a brilliant and shocking ending. I screamed when I read it

3. The Haunting of Coriolanus Snow

Summary:

He would act, as he always did, as if this were the only time he had ever dreamed of Lucy Gray Baird and Sejanus Plinth.

The flowers, though — those were new. And despite his best efforts to exorcise this night from his memory, he spent more nights afterward than he cared to admit thinking about what to make of them. -

SNOWBAIRDPLINTH FOR WIN!!! THE SYMBOLISM IN THIS ONE IS WONDERFUL, THERE ARE SO MANY DETAILS THAT ADD TO THE STORYTELLING and I love it.

But well there are the recommendations, hope you like them. Tell me what you think pls 👉👈

Now serious mode.

I have a little rant to do and I need to hear your thoughts but concerning that post about the department… let's please talk about how the Plinth's influence and power in the Capitol is overestimated. LOOK I'm not saying they don't have any but it's not as much as people think 😭.

I blame -as usual- Coriolanus' narrative for this confusion. I think it's obvious that Coriolanus grants an all powerful ability (they are able to buy their way out of any problem) to the Plinth for two issues: 1. At the end of the day he is also a dumb 18 year old teenager who was overprotected by Tigris, and doesn't have a very clear vision of the adult world and how it works (in fact that's a detail that I love and obsess about his conversation with Strabo; it makes very clear that Coriolanus despite all his manipulation shit, is still an inexperienced kid)

The boy is projecting very badly on the Plinth. What I'm getting at is that Coriolanus in the book firmly believes that the Plinths "stole" the life of the Snows, (specifically that Sejanus "stole" the life that should be his); his parents are alive and in the munitions business, they have a lot of money, they have luxuries and influence, but this obsession with what the Snows should be, along with his contempt for the people of the district is what prevents him from being really objective about the true influence the Plinth's have, he only sees what in his head should be the Snow's all powerful position, epically ignoring that the Plinth are district and realistically have very limited influence within the Capitol (Crassus Snow alive and with money, could do MORE than Strabo will ever do with all the money in the world).

Just the area they live in tells you a lot, the Plinth's didn't make it to the Capitol and immediately moved to the Corso. They couldn't, they didn't have the social prestige that was needed, they literally have to wait for PEOPLE to BE THROWN OUT, for taxes to try and see if they get a chance to live among THE ELITE OF THE ELITE, and it even shows a lot in Strabo's investments; the man is helping to rebuild the Capitol not for love of the Capitol perse, but to get a quarter of the prestige that someone like Coriolanus Snow, born in the Capitol from an old family possesses just by existing. Literally when Sejanus gets in trouble Strabo's response is disproportionate, not because he wants to brag that he has money, but because his family would lost everything if he dont compensates exceedingly well.

Which I think brings up the big question: Strabo could have really saved Sejanus if he had found out in time?, Coriolanus thinks yes, I have my doubts but well… let's talk about something cooler

LIKE LATAM AU 😈

OK. UNOFFICIAL LATAM AU PLOT ( unless…).

Coriolanus Snow, too Argentinian to exist. His mother is alive?, who knows but his father I'm sure is dead. The boy has been stuck all his life with his classist grandmother who has convinced him that his family is more European than Latino, and living in a small town in the USA, Coriolanus has made the decision to pretend to have a European heritage over a Latino one. The Snows continue to have financial problems

Her cousin Tigris (whose father is Uruguayan), wants to be a fashion designer, and has decided to move to New York, she ends up living in a Latino neighborhood (btw YOU MENTIONED IN THE HEIGHTS AND SCREAM, BECAUSE IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE, I'm sorry, I have to tell you Juli; I'm kind of a theatre kid; I already knew the actor from Sejanus from being in Hamilton and from being with the LGB actress in west side story). OK THE THING IS THAT CORIOLANUS, HER COUSIN, WHO IS ALMOST LIKE HER LITTLE BROTHER, HAS MANAGED AFTER YEARS OF EFFORT TO GET INTO STANFORD on a scholarship, and he needs a place to stay… his family tells him he can move in with Tigris, and Coryo accepts because Tigris is his favorite cousin and because the rent was so cheap. He has no idea what Tigris's neighborhood looks like but it must be great because IT IS CHEAP, but the fool doesn't know what is coming MUAHAHAHA Because in that beautiful neighborhood live two very special people: LGB Colombian girl and romani <3, who wants to be a singer and has her own band formed by Covey. I can imagine covey in a situation of orphans who maybe were in many foster homes and orphanages and bonded in those traumatic experiences, until the older ones grew up and could get the guardianships of the others and are a big family that takes care of each other (What do you think of Billy Taupe because that's a character we can explore uh?), and LGB has several jobs and a lot of pressure on her shoulders -she is practically raising Maude Ivory- but she doesn't give up and is very proud of who she is. Then there is Sejanus, who is Strabo PLINTH's son. I suppose it is possible Strabo is still involved in the arms industry (which will one day cause his son to make a protest in front of the family business LMAO), Strabo I am sure wants to move to another more dignified neighborhood but Vesta has been preventing him from doing so for over 3 decades, lmao, her family lives there. They are NOT GOING ANYWHERE and since Strabo doesn't want Vesta to ask him for a divorce he has reluctantly given in but has done all the bragging things he can like having the biggest house the block, etc.

Sejanus may or may not also study at Stanford (? but the most important thing is that our boy is 1000% an anarchist left-wing hippie liberal activist with no respect for the government or the elders -as his father calls him-, the boy has been involved in debates since he was 8 years old and arrived in the USA without knowing how to speak english well and his father made the decision to put him in a school for rich kids :)))) WORST CHOICE EVER (actually baby sejanus tried to assimilate but in his teens he realized that no matter what he did people were going to hate him so he SAID FUCK ALL and rebelled and Strabo hasn't recovered from that, because at the same time his little boy stopped believing that he was a very wise man. STRABO MISSES BABY SEJANUS, HE WAS GOOD AND HE DIDN'T GET IN TROUBLE OR CONTRADICT HIM drunk strabo cries in Vesta's arms and yes, this assimilation story is what will keep Sejanus from cancelling Coriolanus when he finally talks to him and he denies being Argentinian AND TIGRIS COUSIN)

OK. So Coriolanus finally moves in and of course he's going to scream when he sees that they're in a Latino neighborhood, the guy wants to die but he doesn't have the money to move, and maybe he'll do a weird and elaborate tour so that no one in Stanford will find out where he lives. The people in the neighborhood meanwhile know he is Tigris's cousin but he acts so gringo they genuinely believe he is, and I can see how everyone keeps criticizing Coryo 24/7 for his weird attitudes and ass in Spanish thinking he doesn't understand them but he does because he knows Spanish but he has decided to keep hiding that so he has to get angry in silence AJHSJHSJHSJHS

BUT EVERYTHING CHANGES WHEN LGB AND SEJANUS DISCOVER HIM, I haven't thought about how that would happen yet but hehehehe

Marcus is canon cuban now (YOU AND I WE HAD A SAME BIG BRAIN MOMENT, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN EITHER BUT HIM BEING CUBAN MAKES SO MUCH SENSE) and well I'm happy with Tigris x LGB, but as you like coralbaird, don't you think it would be cool Coral as a Chilean? PLS or she could be the only decent American WHO KNOWS

Music?

I don't think I have recommended LA SNOWJANUS song so: Estrechez de corazón -los prisioneros

BOA TARDEEE (bc it's the moment I'm answering this ☝️

KSLSKLSKLS I'm actually so happy you're planning on posting more!!! 😭 I loved that post abt mrs everdeen and katniss so much, it made me think abt stuff I haven't noticed before, and I would LOVE to hear your thoughts abt sejanus and the academy kids (AND YESSSS PERSEPHONE PRINCE MENTIONED!!!! also, you got me hooked on pup harrington, I rlly want to know your thoughts abt them bc I never rlly thought abt it before)

and aaaaaaaaaaaaa I love talking to you so much, I genuinely get so happy seeing you in my inbox, get me kicking my feet and all 🥹 thank you for asking!!! it went okay, even tho I actually got lost lmao 😭 I got the wrong bus and stopped by the wrong campus (it's a big university, so there are plentyyy of campus on different neighbourhoods on the town and each one is for different courses, and I stopped at the med school, which is... very far away from my campus ☠️). but since I left home earlier, it was no problem and everything went alright (and on the second day I was able to find the right way, A WIN IS A WIN) !!! this first week is more to welcome the new students, so not a lot is going on and these first classes are more introductory + some events like games and stuff. also, thank you so much for your kind words, srsly, thank you so so so so much <3

BUT OKAY, LET'S GO

yesssss (it's always worth mentioning all of the stuff we talked abt is our opinion and only our opinion skslsklsk bc fandom spaces in general seem to have a problem with dealing with different opinions I guess)!! abt suzanne collins choosing coriolanus to being the main character of the book, it's worth saying that when the book was announced, I was so irked by the fact that coriolanus was going to be the main character. at first, I got 0 interest in reading the book because I thought it was going to be a cash grab. because why the hell would you choose CORIOLANUS SNOW, from all the characters???

but then I read the book and it just makes so much sense. SO much sense. it's kinda scary how suzanne made very clear what she wanted to pass with this story and still people are out there saying the stupidest things (such as reproducing some of coriolanus' discourses). really disappointing and sad the movie shies away from showing some of the strongest lines.

yesssss and I guess it's not only a problem regarding this specific adaptation, it serves as well for the other thg adaptations. don't get me wrong, these movies are genuinely some of the best book adaptation that exist (after all, it's an adaptation, it's not going to be just like the book... and that's okay!!), but for example, the fact that peeta doesn't lose his leg in the first movie (besides him being a disabled character in a big book franchise, which is something rlly important, in the book this was so important for the second book plot), or that they straight up made katniss white (I've talked before abt how you can read tbosas through racial and ethnic lens and this adds another impact to the story, but this applies to thg as well), or that they removed most of her important relationships and friendships with the girl characters (which led to some people who only watched the movie calling her a pick me, which makes me so mad). all of these small details impact how these characters are perceived and some of the most important messages the story wants to get through.

and about the tributes and the movie: YESSS!!! seeing them from outside of coriolanus' head really tells us a lot abt their personalities and gives them much more humanity!! the scene with pup harrington and lamina talking during the meeting is such a good example, it's heartbreaking seeing her crying like this. or then how we see the tributes interacting with each other on the arena. (coriolanus stopping himself from humanizing the tributes bc he would be thinking like sejanus was really something else 😭 but I absolutely agree!! tbosas has this twisted fairy-tale like sense to me, so some stuff I read more literally, and sejanus to me is like that angel on your shoulder trying to tell you to do the right thing; he's good, and that's the core of his character, being good, and when coriolanus kills him, he kills the only thing that kept him from being 100% evil; it's only after sejanus' death that he goes crazy and hunts lucy gray on the forest).

(the way the fandom treated rue back then (and still treats her nowadays, even though I see it much less) is CRAZY, and there are so many examples I could go on for days, starting by how some people literally REPRODUCE coriolanus' discourse and thoughts about some characters, like MY LORD-)

AAAAAA I'M SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED THE FICS (even tho most of them are more angst stuff, sorry for that 😭)!!!! and abt parallel lines, I remember that when it was being posted, I started reading from the first chapter, and until the second one was posted, I kept coming back and reading and reading over and over again because I needed MOREEEE bc of how good it was. AND TYSM FOR THE RECOMMENDATIONS!!! I've read all of three in the same day, and they are so. well. written. it's genuinely insane, like, people will really post some of the most amazing stuff I've read for FREE and it's SO GOOD, TYSM, SRSLY. now, abt each fanfic in particular:

out, damned spot: this one. jesus, this one is just- it really has this feeling of being so canon compliant, I can SEE it happening. it's just so so so good, so sinister, love the slight horror undertones. got me looking at the corner of my room afraid I would see a ghost 😭

odi et amo: THIS JUST MADE ME FEEL SO MANY THINGS, ALL AT ONCE. it was sweet, it was sad at times, it made me smile warmly at how sejanus talked about coriolanus so fondly... and then the ending, OH MY FUCKING GOD, I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but it was genuinely so shocking, the story had a rythm that just kep building and building and then it just explodes in your face, and just. I really have no words. I was speechless. got my hand to my mouth and everything bc of how shocked I was. I felt like playing one of these games who are all cute in the start, but... well. suddenly the mood shifts.

the haunting of coriolanus snow: THIS WAS SUCH A WILD RIDE. I love goold ol' snowbairdplinth, SPECIALLY when we're talking abt haunting coriolanus snow. this whole work is just so good aaaaaaa it's not as sinister as the first one, but it's just so well written (and tbh, I LOVE having coriolanus haunted, that's what he deserves, and actually he deserves much worse). and that last line???? SO COULD, COULD ACTUALLY BE THE ENDING OF A REAL BOOK, nah this will haunt me for a good time.

it's worth saying I bookmarked ALL of these because OH MY GOD, THEY'RE SO GOOD, again, tysm for the recs, they are all such good fanfics <33

look: I absolutely agree with you. I think it's worth saying that coriolanus is surrounded by rich and influent capitol kids (felix is literally the great-nephew of the president, ffs). why the hell coriolanus is so fixated on the fact that strabo plinth can buy sejanus' way out of things, when probably most of his academy colleagues can do so much more, actually? besides him being angry and jealous about the plinths having a life that should've been his in his head, it's exactly what you said: he's projecting so hard on the plinths.

(also, yes, coriolanus' is just a stupid kid who thinks of himself so above of his colleagues, when he's sometimes even dumber than them 😭 when we see him having actual conversations with actual adults, this is really noticeable)

okay, so, imo, coriolanus as a narrator tries to make us (as readers) to think that sejanus' position in relation to him is soooo unfair. look!!! this D I S T R I C T kid have money, and privilege, and a father who can buy him out of stuff and buy his way into MY prestigious school and so many more things!!! while I'm here struggling, this D I S T R I C T kid is so privileged!!! don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the plinths or sejanus don't have privilege in the capitol specially regarding money, because they do, but not any more than coriolanus' friends and colleagues. I just find interesting and a bit annoying how coriolanus decides to 100% ignore the fact that the plinths are district, but he only does that when it's regarding their financial privilege (because when it's to be a dick about ma plinth and sejanus, he perfectly remembers and recognizes that they are district, how funny is that? 🤠)

(ALSO, since you mentioned crassus snow, yeah, I think so many things would be different if that man was alive, and if anything, I think the plinths' lives would be so much harder if he was around, to be very, very honest)

coriolanus is so detached to this that when sejanus gets the D2 boy, coriolanus says he got the best one of the litter, and sejanus says he's one of the litter. coriolanus, in his words, let that sink in.

and talking abt the plinths and the corso, it's worth saying the plinths are living in the capitol for around 10 years. it's enough time for them to prove their finantial power, and still, they aren't living among the most inluential and powerful families in the capitol, because they simply aren't. it's worth saying coriolanus studies at the academy, one of the most prestigious schools in the capitol, simply because he is a snow, while strabo had to buy sejanus' way into it (and mind you, much more money than any other of his colleagues).

(now, this is my personal interpretation: when reading stuff, I usually think about how some things would work in our universe and in our rules. I don't know if that was suzanne collins' intentions, but while reading, I could only think abt how sejanus and coriolanus are pretty much a race/ethnicity x class conversation and how these two things intersect. coriolanus, to me, sounded like a white working class boy who can't stand the fact that a poc have more money and more privilege than him. he thinks it's so unfair he disregards absolutely any kind of bigotry that person faces (and, mind you, HE actually reproduces a lot of this bigotry), which leads him to thinking that people like sejanus have much more privilege than they actually have. it's not that coriolanus thinks that ppl shouldn't be rich or rich ppl shouldn't exist, it's that coriolanus thinks that PEOPLE LIKE SEJANUS shouldn't be rich, and that's another different convo)

and answering (imo) the big question: considering everything we talked about until now, I don't think sejanus could've been saved. he was doomed. and this proves a point: while sejanus is rich, he's still district, and in the end, being district is what weighs the most.

and also, this leads me to the discourse I see some people saying, that if sejanus was alive, he could've made a difference, like plutarch heavensbee. what they don't take into account is that plutarch heavensbee is capitol. do they really think that the capitol, that coriolanus, would let a district-born person get into politics? really? do they think they would let him make a change? that they wouldn't watch each step he takes, because he's district?

anyway. LATAM AU <3333

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALSKSLSJLSLKSLKS I LOVE THIS SO MUCHHHHHHHHHH I'M SCREAMING BC I WANT SO BAD TO SEE THIS PLOT COMING TO LIFE 😭😭😭😭😭

your brain!!!!! YOUR BRAINNNN I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.

(I'm holding your hand and screaming right now because, I'M ALSO A THEATRE KID LMAOOOOOO I've spent my entire middle school listening to hamilton 😭 it was the first one I got contact with, but then I got into other musicals, like spring awakening and wicked. I love in the heights sooooooo much, I actually like it better than hamilton!!! and the movie adaptation is SO good, it's insane; also, after we talked abt the latam au on the last ask, I went almost immediately to youtube to listen to blackout bc I kept imagining the characters on this scenarioKSLSKSLS).

I love your ideas for the covey!!! maybe the one to get older first was barb azure; she left their foster home and find a small place for them to stay. it's nothing fancy, but it's still better than the foster care system. (and hMMMM billy taupe can be an interesting character here; maybe when coriolanus arrived, there was already gossip circling on the neighbourhood because just recently, lucy gray and billy taupe had a NASTY break up, and she threw his things out of the window. at the start of the story, she's already single, but he keeps bothering her each time she goes to a club to make a show with the covey). lucy gray works so hard, and at the same time, she has to raise maude ivory, and take care of the house, and seek her dreams... and all while being sort of an important figure around the neighbourhood. everyone knows lucy gray, so if there's something wrong going on, they seek her to talk to fix things (but who lucy gray seeks when she needs to talk? when she needs someone to help her and solve her problems?).

vesta threatning strabo with a divorce is just such a funny thought 😭 also, imagine that the plinths weren't rich when they arrived in the usa, and that neighbourhood was the first one they've lived. one of her sisters lived there and vesta was so happy when they got to the block and almost everyone knew how to speak spanish, because she was so homesick and scared, it was comforting. sejanus grew up there, they built a whole life there, she REFUSES to let strabo move their family. that's their home. period.

(I rlly like the thought of sejanus attending stanford, but I'll talk abt it a bit later) sejanus had this phase when he was a pre-teen where he started getting into politics and started to read revolutionary thinkers from cold war latam, started reading about imperialism and just reading a lot in general, and he got radicalized. it was strabo's biggest nightmare, that man was fighting for his life, because at dinner sejanus would start "ACTUALLY-" and strabo knew it was so over, he couldn't win sejanus on arguments and they just end screaming insults at each other. bby sejanus did well on their neighbourhood, he even made some friends, like marcus, and some kids helped him with english (and a lot of kids speak spanish like him, so he feels much safer). but when his father got rich, he pushed sejanus into a very prestigious school, and it was very traumatic. he wanted so bad to fit in, but these kids were mean as fuck. they mocked him whenever he made a mistake in english, and mocked when he forgot a word, and mocked his accent, and mocked the things his mom would send him for lunch. he came home crying after the first week begging his dad to please let him go to the neighbourhood's school with marcus and the other kids, but his dad was relentless. and he tried SO hard to assimilate, but his breaking point was when his ma went to pick him up at school, and her english is much more broken than his. when the kids started to make fun of his ma, and she wasn't even understand exactly what they were saying, sejanus broke. he can deal with people hating and hurting him, but NOT his ma. and that's pretty much a turning point for him.

(when sejanus talks to coryo and understands what coryo is doing, he's not really angry, he's sad, because he knows how that feels, except that he stopped doing it much earlier.)

((also, strabo missing bby sejanus is so goodKSJLSKLSK he'll turn to vesta and be like WHEN DID IT GO WROOOOONG it seems like yesterday that sejanus was a little boy who thought strabo was the smartest person in the world, but now he seems like he hates strabo so much, it's so frustrating; strabo kinda regrets getting sejanus into that school, bc if sejanus went to the local school, then he wouldn't be so radicalized (he would tho lmao just for different reasons)))

CORIOLANUS IS STRUGGLING, the moments he sets foot on the neighbourhood he gets his phone to try to call his mom to know if he can come back or try to find an apartment, but it's useless, and until he finds a job or something, he has to stay with tigris for now bc that's what his mom can afford 😭 coriolanus now is even called gringo by everyone around lmao every single time they refer to him, he wants to die but he CAN'T SAY ANYTHING. and sometimes, even lucy gray and sejanus are talking in front of him in spanish, because they don't think he understands, and coriolanus is there with a straight face because he can't let them know if he wants to keep up his lie

ALSO, WHAT I TALKED EARLIER ABT SEJANUS GOING TO STANFORD: alright, so, sejanus and coriolanus have a class together, and this is before coriolanus discovers sejanus lives in the same neighbourhood as tigris. and in that class, coriolanus says some stupid shit, and him and sejanus get in a debate about it. so, much later, coriolanus is coming back to where him and tigris live, and who he finds around? oh, yeah. the same guy from his class. GREAT. and now coriolanus is in such a complicated position because he's pretending to not be from around but sejanus, who's from his class, LITERALLY LIVES THERE (and to his nightmare, sejanus is besties with lucy gray, who's that person on the neighborhood who knows pretty much anyone and everyone goes after for help)

CUBAN MARCUS YESSSSSS ☝️ (also, marcus having a beef with coriolanus bc he knows coriolanus is from stanford, and he thinks coriolanus is too much like the kids from the prestigious school sejanus attended when he was a kid). and about coral: listen, what do you think abt coral being irish? she isn't from the neighbourhood, but she works around, and her little brother, mizzen, goes to the same school as maude ivory (it's worth saying that before coriolanus, she was the gringa of the neighbourhood, now that title passes to him and she's a honorary prima 😭)

(also, imagine lucy gray teaching her some spanish like nina does to benny in in the heights AAAA)

LOS PRISIONEROS AND SNOWJANUS YESSSSSSS YOU'RE SO RIGHT, IT'S THEMMMM LITERALLY THEM!!!! (estás llorando y no haces nada por perdonar a nadie, excepto a ti AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(take care, buddie!!! hope you're doing well <3)

[sinecosinewheel]

@galaxirin @bornetoblood

😭 i rly am the amelia guy huh (nm about it!)

- How I feel about this character

to start, she is my funny guy. in-game i think she's an awesome depiction of the healing church's state, the last vicar is powerless to do anything but pray, alone, clutching the medallion of her predecessor who all but set her up to fail. she's both a tragic figure, and the highest remaining member of the organization who doomed the town. in my hcs she is all of that, and she regularly mulches and beheads people, and she likes bugs. she is my funny guy!

- All the people I ship romantically with this character

hmmm. melia x early retirement. jshdj fr I don't have any specific characters? maybeeee henriett? ok wait i like to think she's henryk's great grand niece or smth and theyre really on the nose w/ the names. ok divergence, my henriette hc is that she was rejected from the church hunters and inherited her old mans Old Hunter style duds nd started vigilante mushing beasts w/ her kirkhammer pro bono. so tool of the institution x bitter rogueish vigilante. plus u summon henriett for melias fight so putting down an old flame .... i have successfully talked myself around to this ship let's get it 🎉

- My non-romantic OTP for this character

she really could've used some guidance other than laurence in her life, so i like to think she would've found a mentor in maria, had maria lived long enough to meet her. rlly tho most people were scared shitless of her and/or intimidated by her status so she had no non-killing, non-laurence social outlets. i haven't arbitrarily picked and made up a backstory wholecloth for an npc hunter to be her dead friend yet but also them lmao 😭

- My unpopular opinion about this character

slamming my fists on the ground beating my head on the wall SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE, I QUOTE, 'THE SEXY DOG FROM OLIVER AND COMPANY'!!!!!!

ok that's a personal grievance but i stand by it. umm i wish she showed up again? not sure if that's unpopular but i don't think many people think of it. like maybe she could've showed up in the hunters nightmare...even as a gorpse.....or had more item descriptions ab her!! i want the bell ringing woman set!!!

- One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

hrmm i wish we could have gotten to see more of her in general!! the fight intro cutscene is fucking iconic but maybe she could've been an npc u can talk to... and then u have to fight her when u progress the night farther... n u could start her fight early like the dancer in ds3 by attacking her and get an alt intro cutscene....basically just any content of how the church worked, or what her role was before everything exploded i think

- My OTP

apparently amelia x henriett! news to me. real enemiesish to lovers opposing forces attract type shit here

- My crossover ship

ourgh. hmm maybe millicent elden ring or emerald herald ds2? maybe the ds2 miracles lady lmao melia would in her head b like my dads a much better grifter than her...shes silly i like her :) n the miracles lady is into muscles maybe. idk lmao it could be unhealthy, it could lead to melia unlearning some toxic shit bc the miracles lady is like a cartoonishly over exaggerated version of the people she was raised with, i don't even remember her name though x.x

- A headcanon fact

i stg this entire post has been a headcanon fact lol 💀 uhm uh oh lol we are ending on a sad one heehee. so u know how vicar amelia boss form is covered in bandages? after the school of mensis began kidnapping blood saints the healing blood of the healing church began to run dry, leading yharnam citizens to seek it from other sources, like certain prostitutes with special blood. seeing no other course and to uphold the legitimacy of the church's special blood, the vicar underwent the mysterious process of becoming a blood saint herself and all but bled herself dry to make up for the demand

[say-hwaet]

Honestly, it was questions like these that really had me stumped when working on my headcanon fic Red Dead Revelation. How would it all work?!

After doing some thinking, digging, and pulling out my hair, I came to some conclusions.

Arthur met Mary when he was young, around 19 to his early twenties. They were together for a bit, until it became apparent that he was a “bad boy” and after much disapproval, Mary broke of their engagement.

Arthur was a sad sap for a while, and after robbing their first bank, when he was 24, they left the state (I assume California or Nevada) and he meets Eliza. I assume she’d be 18, as they have some sort of relationship (I don’t think Arthur is the one night stand type) and she gets pregnant at 19. They have a 6 year age gap, so he still thinks she’s a kid, but not too young, in the schemes of the time period.

Isaac lives to be about four years old, and both Eliza and Isaac are killed in 1893, shortly before Abigail joins the gang in 1894, and has Jack in 1895.

How does this explain the gang’s personal knowledge of Mary? That could be either a plot hole or the fact that Mary popped back in once in a while, as she seems to just appear out of nowhere in the game. I mean, c’mon, stalker, much? (Sorry, not sorry). It is easy for anyone to form an opinion of someone they’ve never met, but I think the only two women at camp who actually could have met her were Abigail and Susan. After Jack was born, I think Mary just stopped showing up, if that would be the case at all. Since Abigail mentioning Mary is only if you get the chance to play dominoes, I think it’s more of a plot hole.

On the other hand, I think that if anyone knew about Eliza, they’d definitely say something about it, either as a way to get to Arthur or bring up reasons for why they think he should do a certain thing or behave a certain way. Either way, Eliza and Isaac’s death was the final straw for him and you don’t see him pursue any new relationships, aside from Mary, but that could be the flip of a coin depending on your choices in game.

But this is just my long-winded opinion. 🤠

Rockstar I am BEGGING you

PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE I need a cannon timeline over who did what when and where because I AM FUCKING CONFUSED SOMETIMES.

Firstly, Arthur Morgan's love life, did when Arthur talks about Eliza saying she was "just a kid" at nineteen, meaning he was most likely around that age too because he didn't think of her as a kid then. So he is 19 when he meets Eliza and from the dialogue you can have with Jack where Arthur compares jack and Isaac, we can assume Isaac was about 4 years old when he died.

So, does that mean they met in 1882? And then five years later they die, meaning 1887 and Arthur is 24? Cool, I can follow that far, BUT WHERE DOES MARY COME IN?? Listen he sounded like he fucking loved at least Isaac and I think man has a mourning period, I mean yes it was a one night stand but look at how respectful he is towards Mary, he wouldn't get over Eliza and Isaac in one night.

Now okay, let's give him a year or two to mourn and also to ya know, meet Mary and fall in love with her. So he is 26 now, cool, however-

BRO YOU DON'T LOOK 26! YOU LOOK YOUNG!

Okay, so let's turn it around, maybe he met Mary first, cool! It matches with the fact that he looks young in the picture, it matches with the fact that they didn't see one another for a long ass time, it matches with a lot! Oh maybe this is- NOPE! THIS IS NOT IT! Why? Well literally all of the girls (except Sadie) have an opinion on her!

Let's take Abigail who is 22 in rdr2 and joined the gang at around 1994, that means Arthur brought Mary to camp at least within the last five years?? But they hadn't talked since Mary got married?? Did Arthur just have a one night stand with Eliza while also being with Mary or something?? Is that it??

Also this picture??

I mean if this is the whole gang at that time does it mean Abigail was the first of the girls to join and Tilly did in fact not join when 12??

BRO I NEED TO KNOW THIS SHIT!! ROCKSTAR GIVE ME A CANNON TIMELINE AND MY LIFE IS YOURRRSSSS

[aannonn]

i just read the saddest ava. comic ever and im sad

sOOoOo I decided to share the headcanons that I have so far about the ColorGang because they makes me happy;33333

for anyone who wants to read the comic.. warning: sad/bad ending. Don't take this the wrong way btw. I genuinely really loved reading this comic!

ColorGang!

╰┈➤ I always had that lil' headcanon in my head that ; even though TSC may act like one of the oldest most of the time, he's actually the youngest of the group.

﹌﹌﹌I mean- the StickFight game presented in the series felt like it existed looooong before TSC was even created, so I guess, chronologically and theoretically, RYGB are older than TSC in a certain way, though I like to think they are all the exact same age.

╰┈➤ From Oldest to Youngest, for me it's like that ; Yellow, Blue, Green, Red & The Second Coming!

(Lil' update: Apparently, I heard that Alan Becker confirmed that TSC is a lil' more older than them? So, I changed my headcanon and now from Oldest to Youngest it's actually; The Second Coming, Yellow, Blue, Green & Red! If that ends up being false - because I haven't found the video where Alan says this yet - I'll go back to my old headcanon, probably.)

﹌﹌﹌They are all the same age, but some of them were created minutes before the other. In TSC's case.. One(1) year after RYGB were already created.

﹌﹌﹌They are all ten to thirteen(10-13) years old. (Based/Inspired on that one video where DJ asked how old they were ever since their creation, and Alan responded with 10, 12, 13! lol)

╰┈➤ TSC is often called Orange by his friends and even by Alan, so he feels kinda weird whenever someone calls him 'The Second Coming'. He doesn't mind beind called 'Second' or 'Sec' though.

﹌﹌﹌'TSC' just sounds too vague, and 'The Second Coming' It's such a long name, so he prefers to either be called 'Orange', 'Second', or 'Sec'.

╰┈➤ Red loves all kind of animals and insects. One time, he brought home (aka. Alan's desktop) a gigantic centipede from Minecraft, which scared everyone in the group and even Alan, which led to Red eventually having to return it to Minecraft…

﹌﹌﹌This incident led Alan to never download Minecraft mods that contain giant centipedes again.

╰┈➤ The ColorGang all have PTSD from the last encounter with The Dark Lord. They do not want to lose each other again, much less feel the pain of being deleted again.

﹌﹌﹌They are also now terrified of giant red spiders or anything that may resembles a red spider.

﹌﹌﹌Because of that, they have sleepovers every weekend now! Mainly due to the nightmares everyone has been having ever since that day, so they decided to schedule a sleepover every weekend so everyone could have fun and then platonically cuddle. 🎔

﹌﹌﹌It worked pretty well, and even after they stopped having those nightmares, they are all still having sleepovers together because yes. 🎔

﹌﹌﹌Alan sometimes joins them with his cursor of course, but only when he doesn't have anything planned to do in the morning. Which is.. pretty rare, sadly. But they will treasure every moment.

╰┈➤ I like to think that Alan basically adopted the RYGB at this point, so they are all technically step-siblings, since I also like to think that Second is Alan's child, as he is Alan's creation.

╰┈➤ Green is a prankster. You cannot tell me he isn't because he for sure is. He just gives me those vibes man

╰┈➤ Yellow has very good sleep schedules, despite what a big(?) part of the fandom says. Sometimes he can get carried away and end up staying up all night, though.

╰┈➤ Despite being the youngest, Second acts like the 'mom' of the group. He just gives me those vibes fr

╰┈➤ Blue really loves reading and writing stories. Once, he even wrote an entire story based on the Little Red Riding Hood as he added his friends to the story.

﹌﹌﹌I must say, the group loves hearing Blue's stories, and he loves telling stories to his friends. 🎔

﹌﹌﹌Sometimes he tells animal stories to help Red sleep. It sounds silly and childish, but it's comforting for Red to hear Blue's calming voice, while it's comforting for Blue to tell stories to the sticks(they are sticks not people so-) he loves so much, especially knowing that they love his stories too.

╰┈➤ Red is the most emotional of the group, although he is also one of the strongest mentally.

(Lil' Update: Changed opinions! Now Blue is the most emotional one of the group, while Red is still one of the strongest mentally.)

(Lil' Update2: Changed opinions again-! Now both Blue and Red are the most emotional ones of the group.)

╰┈➤ Sometimes they all treat Second like a "baby", just to playfully annoy him. (Inspired on this lil' comic!)

╰┈➤ Not a headcanon, but they are all canonly silly;333

Welp! That's all the headcanons that I have so far-

I may change my mind about some, though. Maybeeee-

Welp! I think that's it..?

Cya u all in my next post! Goodbye! &lt;3

[suranaofthefrost]

Irving telling Surana he's disappointed in her is the worst thing Surana has heard, and it sting the most.

With every mistake she makes, every time she loses someone, its those words she hears in her head over and over. She'll probably never shake the feeling of anguish from hearing that. Despite all she's accomplished she will always view the day she helped Jowan and disappointed Irving so much as the worst mistake of her life.

[katnissmellarkkk]

A random headcanon of mine that I’ve never mentioned because I think requires a little bit of explanation.

Did anyone else notice Peeta did not question Katniss’ inebriation at all before their

“We can't afford any drunkards on this team. Especially not you, Katniss,” says Peeta to me.

“What?” I sputter indignantly. It would be more convincing if I weren't still so hungover. “Last night's the only time I've ever even been drunk.”

“Yeah, and look at the shape you're in,” says Peeta.

I don't know what I expected from my first meeting with Peeta after the announcement. A few hugs and kisses. A little comfort maybe. Not this.

scene? Because I always noticed how this is their first interaction since the announcement and yet, Peeta already knew she was hungover here. Which brings me to my point.

My headcanon is Peeta came to see Katniss at some point that night after the announcement, probably upset and wanting to give her the hugs and kisses she seemed to expect from him and either saw her drinking with Haymitch — which seems unlikely since Peeta was there at Haymitch’s house before her and probably wouldn’t have come back — or saw her, very very drunk, already getting comfort from Gale.

Anywaysssss. Irrelevant and changes nothing but just thought I’d share.

[shmothman]

THIS POST CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR POKEMON: LEGENDS ARCEUS.

So, Volo huh? (Part One)

slight AU, post game, fixing Volo, + romance

I’d say I’m going to make this into a proper fic, but it would be very long, and quite frankly every time i say “I’m going to write a longfic!” i give up after like 10k words so. Please accept this humble offering of 2k words... and however many i write in the part 2.

(this is a self/reader insert AU where you, the reader, take the place of the protagonist. these headcanons hinge on the protagonist being an adult, and not Akari/Rei, who are children. I HC Volo as being in his mid twenties, as I am also in my mid twenties. i am also in big gay love with him.)

AU in which your battle against Volo goes... a little bit differently.

Part one of two.

AO3 link

Searching for the rest of the plates with Volo was... exciting, to say the least. He was so invested in doing his research—showing you the ruins where he learned about the myths you were now living—that you truly didn’t second-guess his motivations. You were happy to have company, to have his stories by the fire at night, and, alright, maybe you were happy to have his smile and his laugh and his pretty eyes and—

You get it.

You had liked him before, when you ran into him on your travels—always looking out for his blond hair and his teasing grin—but you were starting to feel dangerously close to crossing that line from liking him to... well. 

It’s not like you were trying to be forward about it; there were bigger things to worry about, as always. But when you defeated Uxie, the final lake pokemon, in battle, and it entrusted its plate to you, Volo was overcome with excitement. And he had kissed you.

And you hadn’t talked about it, so much as you had kissed about it, later, by the fire.

...Which, of course, made what happened next all the more gut-wrenching.

He said horrible things before you battled him. You hadn’t thought him capable of that kind of cruelty. But the realization that you hadn’t truly known him as well as you thought you had... that’s what hurt most. That he would lie about caring for you. That he would kiss you, only to betray you. You couldn’t even find it in yourself to be angry, at first. Only sad. 

He was stronger than any other person you’ve faced, but not stronger than you. And even when he called upon Giratina (you don’t understand how or why it came) you and your partners had the strength to quell its fury. 

But, apparently, you didn’t have the strength to stop Giratina from retreating to its own realm, and dragging Volo down with it. You tried—you desperately tried!—to save him, but the portal to the Distortion World closed, and Volo was gone.

Everyone will know that you traveled to the peak of Mt. Coronet with Volo. The rest of the survey corps will come looking for you after long enough. But how can you face them, after all that’s happened? If Volo really was the one to open the space-time rift in the first place, if he really caused you to be dragged into this world...

You call upon Braviary, and you fly to Cogita. If anyone can make sense of what just happened, it’s her.

She heals your pokemon with herbal medicines, and she listens to your tale. She even lends you a handkerchief when you break down in tears, though you know she never cared much for Volo, and she probably thinks you naive for falling for him. But she tells you what she knows of Giratina, and the Distortion World—though it isn’t much more than Volo had already told you, while you were traveling together—and soon enough, your team is strong enough to... do something. You aren’t sure what yet. You feel too raw and exposed to go back to the village. To face Kamado and Cyllene. To explain to the Ginkgo Guild what Volo did. 

No, you decide. He can tell them all himself. Because you’re going to get him back, and he’s going to apologize.

But if you’re going to the Distortion World, you need to prepare.

When you show up on Irida’s doorstep, all of Hisui already knows you’ve gone missing. Irida takes one look at you—eyes red and puffy from crying, shivering in the cold—and ushers you inside her tent, not asking you what’s wrong until you have a cup of warm tea in your hands and a blanket around your shoulders. You explain... everything, even the things you’d rather keep to yourself. And Irida listens. You end your story by asking her if she might keep it secret—just for now, for a few days, while you try to bring Volo back. To hold him accountable. And Irida can’t find it in her to refuse you. She tells you that she cannot keep it secret for long, though. The clans deserve to know; and you agree. She helps you gather materials, gives you food, and allows you to depart quietly for Turnback Cave.

The way there is treacherous, but you’ve already caught Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf, and they understand what you need to do. You don’t understand how, but they open a portal, deep in the cave, and through it comes Giratina. You’re better prepared, this time, and you manage to catch it, just like Palkia and Dialga before it. And Giratina looks into your heart, and it sees why you’ve come, and what you need to do.

Giratina leads you into the Distortion World, where it is god, and allows you to fly on its back through the desolate realm, where time flows strangely and space makes no sense. And the two of you search for a familiar shock of blond hair, a strange white tunic with golden accents. It takes a while. You aren’t sure how long you’ve been in there when you finally spot him—defeated, leaning against an upside-down tree. 

Sound is dampened here, so although you call his name, it isn’t until you’re mere meters from his spot that his eyes fly open.

You hadn’t thought about what he might do, when you found him. It’s not like he can defeat you—you’ve beaten him once and you can do it again—but he could refuse to come with you, could say those terrible things again... but no. You will make him come back. He has an entire region to apologize to. So you dismount Giratina, take a deep breath, and approach him, hand never far from the pokeball on your belt.

But Volo doesn’t even stand. Hardly even acknowledges your presence. His hair has fallen from the strange way he styled it, and the robes he wore to try to attract Arceus are tattered. He looks... utterly defeated. Sad beyond words.

You feel anger at the way you want to comfort him—even after everything he’s done. 

When you say his name again, he looks at you strangely. He asks if you’re real.

“Yes,” you tell him. “I’m real. And I’m...” what? Taking him to face justice? Or simply satisfying your own desire to see him again? You pause, take another breath. “I’m taking you home.”

Volo blinks. And then he snorts, giving a short, derisive laugh. “Home? You must be a mirage, because you aren’t making any sense.” He gives a wave with his hand that you can tell he’s sure will go right through you, but he simply smacks your arm lightly. His hand falls, and his eyes widen.

He opens and closes his mouth like a fish out of water, but there are tears gathering in the corners of his grey eyes—well, the one not covered by his hair, that is. He looks up at you, and he sneers, although it’s clear his heart isn’t in it. “Well.” he says, finally. “If it isn’t the Hero of Hisui. To what do I owe the pleasure.”

Hot anger bubbles beneath your skin, and you stamp it down, unwilling to let him get to you. “You fell into a portal after you tried to end the world.” You remind him, as if reminding a child. “I came to get you out.”

His head falls back against the tree with a slight thunk. “Isn’t this what you wanted?” he asks, though most of the vitriol has left his voice. “I can’t do any more harm from in here.”

Tears prick at your eyes, and you give a harsh laugh of your own. “Of course I didn’t want this.” Though you suppose it doesn’t matter what you wanted, considering he’s rendered it all impossible now. He did that when he broke your heart. You wipe your tears with your arm, then hold out your hand to pull him up. “You have people to apologize to.”

“Ah, there it is,” he all but rolls his eyes, pointedly not taking your hand or moving to stand. “What, did they blame you again when Giratina came?”

“I don’t know,” you tell him honestly, unyielding. “I told Cogita and Irida what happened, and then I came here.”

“Hm,” he says. “Time moves differently here. I was sure it had been weeks or months by now.”

You still hold your hand out for him.

“Leave me here,” he says, tiredly now. “I’m not going back. There’s nothing for me there.”

Clenching your jaw, you grab him by the arm and haul him to a standing position. “You have six pokemon with you,” you tell him, your anger threatening to take hold. “Not only am I not leaving them to be trapped in the Distortion World forever, but I’m not leaving you, either. You are going to come apologize for what you’ve done.”

Volo doesn’t seem to have the strength to protest, casting his eyes downward. “You think they’re going to forgive me?” He asks, incredulously. He thinks you naive. 

“No.” 

He quiets.

“At least not most of them.” You sigh. “Listen. I don’t know if you really meant what you said about destroying the world, or if you just got caught up in a desperate frenzy, trying to meet Arceus; I guess it doesn’t even matter—point is, your actions hurt people. Whatever you did to open that rift? It upset the balance of space and time, and I think we both know you were never going to be able to end the world. So no. I don’t think you’ll be forgiven for that. But the people of Hisui deserve to hear you apologize, and they deserve to be angry with you.”

He doesn’t speak, but you see a few tears fall down his cheeks, then fall sideways, caught in the strange gravity of Giratina’s world. 

“But I won’t let them hurt you.” The words come out softer than you meant for them to, and Volo’s eyes snap back up to meet your gaze.

So you turn, before he sees the heat that rises in your cheeks and interprets it as anything other than anger. And he doesn’t resist when you lead him onto Giratina’s back, and Giratina takes flight, soaring past waterfalls in reverse and sideways islands in the sky.

And Volo says nothing as you return to the cave, and rummage around in your pack for something not quite so torn for him to wear.

He says nothing as you call Braviary with the Celestica Flute, and as you usher him onto its back, heading for Jubilife. He says nothing during the flight, and he says nothing when the whole of Jubilife swarms you the moment you land, dozens of people all jockeying for the chance to hear what happened, or why you were gone for weeks (weeks? It had only felt like days) or if what Irida said is true. 

You aren’t sure he’ll say anything when the whole of Jubilife (and many from the Diamond and Pearl Clans) is gathered below the stairs of the Galaxy Headquarters, when you explain your story, and the part he played... but to your surprise (and relief), he does. Defeated, if not heartfelt, Volo apologizes for the harm he’s caused, and promises he will never do it again. 

Rightfully, the villagers are outraged. They yell and shove for a better position, but, as promised, you step in front of him. 

In the end, of course, Volo is banished. You expected nothing less, and so did he.

[absolutepokemontrash]

I come bearing a request! The Brothers with an MC who's really good at cooking and baking? Like, the stuff food blogs dream of. Master-level instagram pastries. Could compete with the chocolate guy if they put their mind to it.

👀 ooooo, I do love me some pastries-

(I know you have an *ahem* distaste for Lucifer, dear moot, so enjoy Lucifer acting like a bit of a dingus in his section!)

Lucifer

Oh, the human can cook. *insert asshole eyeroll here*. Great. Wonderful. Groundbreaking. That’s what’s got all his brothers acting like- what was that word Levi used? Simps? This human has turned six of the seven rulers of hell into a bunch of simps.

Sure, the human has near godlike cooking prowess. Sure, everyone looks forward to their day for cooking. And sure, everyone thinks the human’s pretty great.

Tsk, not him though. He’s a refined demon. Some silly food isn’t going to make him a lovesick fool… did he smell eclairs..?

Lucifer peered into the kitchen to see MC carefully taking a tray of eclairs out of the oven and letting them cool off on the counter. His favourite dessert… right there in front of him…

Due to not being a total moron, MC notices Lucifer and asks him what the hell he’s doing just standing ominously in the doorway. Lucifer makes up some bullshit excuse about reminding MC to do their homework and just leaves. Okay, game plan, he needs those fucking eclairs or he will spontaneously combust.

As he snuck into the kitchen that night, Lucifer took a moment to briefly wonder why he was creeping around his own house. He was the Avatar of Pride for pity’s sake! He could eat whatever he damn well pleased! Oh shit was someone coming- no? Okay, back to sneaking.

Lucifer crept into the kitchen, saw the eclairs, and all logic was thrown out the window. Time to eat!

“BEEL NO! NOT THE- Lucifer..?” “…” “…” “…you’re very talented, MC, do you mind making more of these?”

SOMEONE SNAP A PICTURE! THIS IS THE CLOSEST LUCIFER HAS GOTTEN TO BEGGING IN THE LAST THOUSAND YEARS!

Mammon

Ugh, stuck babysittin’ some dumb human, how lame…

As Mammon was throwing a “I’m broke and I’m stuck in a pact with a dumb human” pity party, the most heavenly smell entered his nostrils. Cooking… good cooking… was Barbatos visiting or somethin’? Nah, Lucifer woulda made a big fuss about gettin’ ready for Lord Diavolo. Huh, so what was goin’ on in the kitchen?

Huh? The human? The human can cook? Well damn, maybe this whole deal wouldn’t be so bad. Oi! MC! As payment for babysittin’ ‘em, he got to have an extra big share of- OW!

Did- did the human just hit him with a spoon?! Th-they can’t do that!

Apparently they fucking can. Mammon gets told to sit the fuck down and wait for the food like everyone else. He grumbles on the way to the dining room, but he can’t fully hide his excitement to try the food.

The food even looked pretty! How did they do that?! Magic. It had to be!

After everyone’s tastebuds were blessed with the heavenly substance that is MC’s culinary exploits, Mammon decides he needs to get on this human’s good side in order to receive more food! Maybe even find some way to make a profit or somethin’!

After weeks go by of trying to suck up to the human without looking like too much of a chump, Mammon eventually realizes… hey, this human ain’t so bad. They’re nice, they make him feel good about himself, they give him headpats… he’s really hit the jackpot here!

He’ll offer to help MC bake or cook, but beware, he will try and sample the food before it’s done. Don’t let him lick the spoon!!!

Leviathan

First thought? This human ain’t shit. Thought after seeing their food? WOAAAAAAAH! JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME-

He was unceremoniously cut off by Beel asking demanding seconds. Humph, fine, he doesn’t actually care about this dumb normie food anyway.

…well at least until Levi saw a little something something on TV that he just had to ask MC to try and make. He shyly knocked on their door and when they answered, Levi shoved the screenshot in their face and stuttered out a dinner request.

On the day MC was supposed to make dinner, Levi poked his head into the kitchen and tried to make it look like he was just standing in the same room as MC and not checking to see if they were making his dinner request.

Not that he’d blame them for not doing that… who’d wanna make some anime dinner for a yucky Otaku- OMG JAHSHSHABA THEY’RE MAKING IT! *fangirl squeals*

As Levi continues to commit the SIN of being in the kitchen at the same time as someone else, MC eventually just asks him if he’d like to help out.

“Here! Just keep turning the takoyaki.” “R-really? You trust me?” “Yes, Levi. You watched how they made it on your show, right?” “Yes! I won’t mess up! I swear on my honour as an otaku!”

All in all, it was a very cute bonding experience for the two. Now it’s a regular thing. Levi requests something for dinner or dessert, MC makes it, Levi helps out.

Satan

So, the human can cook. That’s nice. At least someone in this literally god forsaken house can.

He makes sure to thank MC every time they cook, then he makes sure to thank whatever deity is watching over him that Solomon wasn’t the human staying with them.

As the months progress, Satan realizes, he should learn how to cook better. I mean, Levi and Mammon were somehow both improving in their cooking endeavours, and if MC could teach those two, then he would be a breeze.

Satan walked into the kitchen and simply asked if MC needed any assistance with what they were doing. MC just slid him some garlic to dice and that’s how this mentor/student relationship was formed.

Satan was a star pupil, but Mammon and Levi weren’t above trying to sabotage Satan’s progress to get him to leave.

Here’s the thing, the sabotage worked, but it only worked once, and the two idiots didn’t stop to think that maybe they shouldn’t sabotage the meal they were going to have to eat later.

Well, cooking lessons continued uninterrupted after the ghost pepper incident…

Even when he’s ‘graduated’ their little cooking class, Satan’s always willing to lend a hand if needed. He also will slyly hand over some recipe books and cute baking supplies that he finds. MC should be prepared for lots of cat related things to come their way.

Asmodeus

The human can cook? Oh frabcious day! He’s saved from a life of his brother’s mediocre cooking! And the human’s so cute too! What a bonus!

Not only is the human cute, but their food is just so… aesthetic??? Pretty???? Omigosh he just has to get a picture for Devilgram!

For the first few months, MC’s relationship with Asmo consists of Asmo not at all subtly asking to take pictures of their food and post it to his Devilgram. Listen MC, his followers would just love it!

Being the saint-sheep they are, MC lets Asmo sit in whenever they’re making anything in the kitchen. And Asmo slowly realizes “hey, this cute human with the awesome food is actually pretty cool too!”

New Mission: Make the human fall madly in love with him so they’ll want to hang out more.

Whether the mission succeeds is up to MC of course. (I mean, I’m already smitten with him sooooooooo-)

MC offers Asmo a lot of the pastries they make, but the Avatar of Lust almost always declines. Listen honey, he’s on a diet- wait, don’t make that sad face! He’ll eat it! Look! It’s- it’s delicious…

Diet cheat day is now every day MC makes dessert. The feeling of bliss Asmo gets when he takes a bite out of anything MC makes is only second of the treats is second only to the joy he feels at seeing MC happy that he likes their food. It’s just so wholesome I can’t-

MC’s food Devilgram has almost surpassed Asmo in terms of followers and honestly- he isn’t even mad.

Beelzebub

Gasp! Lucifer finally got him the pet personal chef he’d always wanted! Thanks big bro! :D he’ll be sure not to eat this human!

On the first night MC was supposed to make dinner, Lucifer needed to hold Beel back from breaking into the kitchen to see what was causing that heavenly smell. It was, difficult… especially because Lucifer hadn’t slept in three days.

When they all sat down to eat, Beel practically inhaled everything and held up his half bitten plate for seconds.

We here at Stupid Headcanons incorporated recommend that MC have as many bodyguards as possible stationed around the kitchen at all times to ward off a hungry Beel. We don’t want him eating the ingredients and half-tempered chocolate.

A cinnamon roll through and through, he’ll eat everything MC gives him with a big ol’ smile on his cute little face. He’s not the best person to go to if MC wants advice or critique because the best thing Beel can usually muster is “it was really good.”

As Luke said in Lesson 5, Beel would make an awful food reporter. But we love him.

Similar to Levi, he’ll give meal requests on what to make for dinner. (At this rate, MC’s going to have to make some kind of list).

He kind of just waits by the door like a sad puppy whenever MC is making anything because he can’t get into the kitchen :(

Belphegor

The smell of freshly made chocolate chip cookies wafting through the house did reach the attic and it only fuelled his rage more. How dare the human win everyone over with cookies?!

After the attic incident, Belphie was won over with cookies.

Belphie just stands creepily in the kitchen doorway whenever MC is making anything and just makes shit really uncomfortable. Why’s he doing that, you may be wondering, well, he’s trying to calculate the energy needed to swipe the bowl of cookie dough and sprint to safety.

He never succeeds, mainly because once he gets to the bowl, MC already has the wooden spoon ready to smack him, so he just freezes mid-theft and slowly puts the bowl down.

“Oh my gosh, it says let the bread dough rest overnight? Let’s get a headstart and go to sleep now.” “Belphie what-” “I made a pillow Fort, come in. Let’s sleep.” “In the kitchen????”

How’d he make the pillow Fort without MC noticing? Years of experience. He’s trained in the art of- MC? What do you mean you can’t sleep right now and you need to get a head start on shaping fondant?

…he may have eaten the fondant while MC wasn’t looking… whoops… Beel may have rubbed off on him a little…

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

you know the scene where robin goes to talk to tammy but she sees her boyfriend approaching and kissing her and the camera focuses on her sad face could do that with reader going to talk to eddie about her feelings, but sees Chrissy coming first and kissing him.please

𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞

(This gif is how I feel thinking about this (I love you tho anon bc now I get to be self indulgent))

I'm giving this a happy ending because if Robin gets her happy ending with Vicki then so do I we!! Also because I am a coward who can't bring himself to write a sad ending I'm sorry lsnhdg I hope that's okay

(There is the mention of vomit in this so if you don't like that please don't feel like you need to read these headcanons)

I'm gonna say that you've had a crush on Eddie for maybe six months at this point

And it's absolutely driving you insane because you can't stop thinking about him

The way his smile makes your heart flutter, the way his hair looks so soft you wanna tuck it behind his ear, how soft and kissable his lips are, how warm and beautiful his laugh is

And that's just for starters

So you decided that today was going to be the day to confess and get it all out there

You knew he had a deal at the picnic bench in the woods after school, so you made your way there once you'd put your books and binders in your locker

The whole walk down to the woods you rehearsed what you were going to say and prepared yourself for rejection as well as for the small chance that he reciprocated your feelings

You heard voices as you approached so you figured you'd wait until the deal was done with to tell him

However, what you saw stopped you in your tracks and made you want to be puke

Chrissy Cunningham, leaning over the picnic table, and kissing Eddie

And he wasn't pulling away

You didn't even stay to see what would happen next or confess like you were going to

Ignoring Eddie as he called after you felt like the best thing to do as you almost ran back to the school and to the parking lot where your vehicle was parked

You now hated how the inside smelt of Eddie's cheap cologne you'd gotten him for his birthday that he'd been wearing when you picked him up that morning

Thankfully, that day was a Friday so you had the weekend to not see him or Chrissy together

You weren't even sure what hurt more: the fact you'd seen the guy you were pretty much in love with being kissed by someone else, or the fact it was Chrissy Cunningham who was supposed to be head over heels in love with her boyfriend Jason

Eddie called you a lot on the Saturday, according to your mom, and you asked her to tell him that you were too sick to answer the phone

On the Sunday he apparently came over to your house with a get well soon car and a little plush teddy that you recognised as one you'd tried and failed to win from the claw game in the arcade one time when you were hanging out together

You didn't go to school on the Monday, but your parents made you promise to go in on the Tuesday which you reluctantly agreed to

On the Monday night, there was tapping at your window and you felt like your heart was breaking all over again when you saw it was Eddie and remembered him and Chrissy kissing

You did eventually let him in, but didn't speak to him and just sat on your bed in silence

When he started prodding at you to tell him what was going on and that you didn't look sick you ended up snapping at him

And that's when the arguing started

You were grateful your parents were out because otherwise they'd have heard what was going on and grounded you for a month for sneaking a boy into your room

Eddie making a comment about how you were clearly ready to ruin your friendship without even giving him a reason as to why you were mad at him, you ended up blurting out that you were upset about the kiss and that he should be spending more time with her

In response, Eddie ends up shouting "I pushed her away"

You don't believe him at first because you saw him sit there and not move away from her and he has to convince you that he's telling the truth

"She'd had a fight with Jason and tried to kiss me to get back at him but I pushed her away because I'm not interested in her. There's someone else I'd rather be kissing than her and I told her that. You ran off before I could tell you"

Hearing that there was someone else he was interested in hurt even more and you ended up trying to push him away from you because you couldn't handle getting your heartbroken again by the same guy in less than a week

Then your face was in his hands and he was looking into your eyes so intently that you felt your stomach flip even though you were starting to accept the fact he didn't want you

"I'd much rather be kissing my best friend who buys me shitty cologne for my birthday every year without fail and comes to meet me after every deal to make sure everything is okay."

When he kissed you, you were too shocked to kiss him back at first

When he pulled away you went back in and kissed him again

After the kiss finally ends, you both cuddled together beneath your duvet, the teddy he'd given you as a get well soon gift snuggled between you both

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner" he whispered to you

"I'm sorry too"

[thir13enghosts]

decided to comb through the newspaper in royce’s vid too bc why not? unfortunately there’s not as much information here as with susan bc there’s only one article and a lot of it is cut off, but here goes

- according to cyrus’s narration, johnny was the one who challenged royce to the drag. but according to the newspaper, royce was the one who challenged “a classmate” (johnny, presumably) to the race.

(so this one is probably just lazy writing and writers not cooperating with each other...but at the same time, it Does line up with my headcanon that cyrus is a bit of an unreliable narrator in the backstories so...I Will Allow It)

- also it was apparently due to a fight he and johnny had. unfortunately i couldn’t find out what it was over bc the cropping.

- someone (i assume one of royce’s friends) tried to stop royce but was shoved to the ground. so royce was Mad mad going into the race (fight must’ve been pretty bad then).

- royce might’ve had a sibling?? from the newspaper: “royce was survived by his mother and father, his [...]” the cropping cuts it off there but i think y’all get the gist.

- “royce had sadly lost his passion for baseball and had become more interested in drag racing in recent months.” okay so a part of me wonders if maybe royce was going through something during the last few months of his life, but another part of me wonders if this is just people reading too much into certain things in the light of a recent tragedy. saying that he “lost his passion for baseball” when in reality he 1.) can like two things at once and 2.) is also a teenager from a small town in the 50s (meaning he probably got bored a lot) who would be more likely to gravitate towards something that gives him more of an adrenaline rush.

- canon date of royce’s accident: october 11, 1957

- high school name: marshall high

- newspaper name: the madison times

(image id description under the cut)

THE MADISON TIMES october 13, 1957 CRASH KILLS LOCAL HERO royce clayton, an up and coming star for the marshall high ‘r[...] life was ended this past friday night in a drag racing accident article by jeff marks

“[...] sad and tragic event has ended the life of what could have been one of baseball’s greats. royce clayton had challenged a classmate to a drag race, or game of chicken [...] screening(?) the bluff by the old [...] after an altercation over [...] spoke out in an effort to stop the two, but was thrown to the ground by royce before he got into his car and sped away to his fiery grave. royce had sadly lost his passion for baseball and had become more interested in drag racing in recent months. his high school professor, [...] royce had such a promising career ahead of him, a number of the country’s finest colleges were in the process of co[...] the young ball player [...] offering first class tickets out of our beloved small town way of life. royce was survived by his mother and father, his [...]”

end i.d.