#apparently some people were mad that their relationship is still ambiguous??

[resistanceisfeudal]

I have finally got to the episode of voyager prodigy when janeway and chakotay reunite and I'm so happy for them my god

[wandixx]

Duke had ambiguous relationship with being one of the two, up until recently only, Gotham’s daytime hero. On one hand it felt amazing to fill this niche, to see all this thankful people still not used to the fact that there is a name they can call upon for help before sunset. It was great to just sleep at night because he did his part, to be recognized and loved. On the other hand it was a little scary. Until Danny joined them, he was the one with least training or experience and Gotham’s criminal side didn’t go to sleep when sun was on the sky. It was a little calmer since obscuring shadows always stayed crime’s favored home, even despite being haunted by evergrowing colony of vigilantes. But it was still Gotham and one Signal, even when joined by Lar, didn’t felt like enough. It was only so much ground he could cover, only so much pleas he could hear over noises of the city, only so much he could know without Oracle’s omniscient eyes because Babs had a normal job and also had to sleep. He wasn’t mad, he knew she was more needed at night but he still wished there was someone coordinating from behind the screen. It would be encouraging and he would fell less out of place when his family was sometimes talking in half-words because apparently anyone other than Duke knew that case and no further explanation was necessary.

At least he had Danny now. Danny, who choose to shadow him during his training before Bruce even finished his question. Danny who always joined him, even if he had spent previous night tailing others during their shifts. Danny who was meta too, was open to play with their powers and who had superhearing that pointed them to places where they were needed. Danny who was reluctant to fight humans because he was afraid of hurting them (after watching some of his fights on hacked Amity Park’s city cameras, yeah it was valid concern) but never hesitated to do whatever was necessary to protect civilians and other vigilantes equally.

Danny who hated his powers but used them daily to help. Danny who joked whenever he was scared or concerned or overwhelmed but didn’t want anyone to know. Danny who joked a lot.

Danny who just challenged him for a race.

“Oh, you’re gonna lose so hard. I’m in”

“We’ll see, Shiny guy” Fenton smirked, shooting his grappling hook. He could, in fact, fly and even seemed to like it, but Bruce insisted he learned grappling and parkour too. Duke because of sheer experience was much better at both. Still, it was nice when younger boy came up with the ways to spend their patrols between crimes. It took some time but his newest brother was opening to him more and more.

Duke grappled with wide smile on his face.

It was always amazing when he wasn’t on his way to the next crime scene. Fall, shot let the momentum carry you, release the hook, fall, repeat. Let the wind against your body and sounds of the life beneath you be only things that affect you. Fly as if you managed to overcome human’s bound to the ground.

It was nice and liberating.

He outrun Danny few cycles before. When they finish he should tell boy what mistakes he noticed.

He made a few steps after landing on the final building and turned to observe as Lar shoot last time to join him.

“You’re learning worryingly fast” Duke started which wasn’t objectively true, but was given circumstances. Danny was doing wonders for someone running on sheer caffeine, felling of responsibility and misplaced guilt. “Try shot farther from you and release hook soon after crossing point of balance. It’s faster that way.”

“Okay” halfa nodded “Let’s try again. To the puking gargoyle!” He once again tried to cheat by starting without warning but Duke was way too used to fell for that.

Gargoyle Lar was talking about probably wasn’t meant to puke. It was located on top of one of Gotham’s most luxurious hotels and from any civilian reachable perspective it was average sculpture, like many other in this gothic city (Danny said once his friend Sam would love it and then shut down for the rest of the day) but when examined closer it looked like it was doing its best to release its stomach contents back to the world. Rooftop it was on was often used as meeting spot for various vigilantes, partially because it was quite secluded, partially because nobody lived on the top floor to complain about disturbance (or eardrop) and partially (mainly) because puking gargoyle was iconic. Jason called it Bill sometimes.

Although, before they made it there, Duke heard three knocks in his comm. Danny heard trouble. Halfa still wasn’t confident in his grappling abilities enough to try briefing while doing it. It was okay, Duke didn’t like it either. He landed on the nearest roof, other boy hot on his heels.

“Mugging on… ten, up to four streets away” He had announced before he took of flying.

Yeah, it was a little problematic how he couldn’t give more specific direction. Signal couldn’t blame him though, it was power Lar developed while in Gotham, it would be unfair to expect him to had it perfected already. Especially since they learned about his hatred towards his abilities. It was kind of disturbing when he thought about it for too long, so he didn’t. They had mugging to stop and snack break to take relatively soon.

His comm. Picked up muffled “Fuck, they’re talking back” followed after few seconds by “they’re stalling” with few more curses. Dick would probably yell at Jason for being bad role model if he heard that.

Thankfully they made it on time and soon Signal was tying up unconscious criminal while Lar run damage control with the victim., also scolding them for antagonizing his attacker. Victim, androgynous university student called Sage, was surprisingly calm and while Danny was lecturing, they just smiled and without any warning loudly clapped few inches away from young vigilante’s ear, making him visibly flinch.

“I knew gossip about your super hearing was true.” They announced with proud grin “I was making sure you knew where I was… Plus, this asshole deserved it.”

Boy just rubbed his ears with pained expression.

“Never ever do that again. Even people with normal hearing don’t like it and this shit hurts a lot”

“Sorry”

“And! I would know where you were if you were asking if you could take out your ID from your wallet or if you tapped your feet. We’re not always around and not always we can make it on time. Don’t risk so much please. I want to get my high school diploma and I can’t when I hear idiots making armed muggers angry when I take a test. I’ll leave and come to the rescue, you know? And it’s easiest way to fail the test. So please, don’t do it.” Danny pleaded. He was in fact homeschooled and for all Duke knew he hadn’t had problem like that yet, but maybe he talked from experience from his hometown. That tracked for all Duke knew.

Sage nodded and after moment of consideration they asked for pen and piece of paper. They scribbled something as soon as yellow vigilante offered it to them before giving a note to younger boy.

“If any of you two ever have trouble with biology, give me a call. I’m veterinary student, I know thing or two.” They shrugged. “Thank you for saving me but I gotta go, there is only so much prof’ll excuse, y’know?” Then they spun around, little metal pieces on their pants chimming gently “Bye~” they added with joking tone as they walked down the alley.

Signal glanced at his partner who just kept starring at the number before he shrugged and hid it in ne of multiple pockets in his suit.

“Batman is gonna run me to the ground at situational awareness training if he founds out” he said with grimace, once again rubbing his ear back online.

“It wasn’t so bad.” His reassurance was met with unimpressed look (it was amazing how expressive vigilantes could be while covering majority of their faces) “Alright, yeah, you’re in trouble buddy”

Danny sighed dramatically.

“That’s one way of saying it… Let’s keep going, I want to stop at least ne more crime before snack break”

In the end there was no other crime to stop before Duke strong armed his brother for a snack break. He was hungry and he couldn’t leave younger boy to run by himself. As a way of making amends, he dropped to convenience store to get them food alone. Normally he would get BatBurger but Danny was strongly against it. He liked fast food, he was normal teen, but joints made him anxious (understandable, his whole support system died in explosion of such place). He didn’t let any of them inside , Drive Thru being as far as he could let them.

Well, convenience store snacks were cool too. Danny clearly agreed, sitting on the edge of the roof of highest building around and eating his sandwich like it was purest ambrosia.

Duke used this time to share some of his school gossip and stories of what his civilian friends were up to. He wanted younger boy to feel included (and it felt funny to talk abut such mundane things while in hero suit six stories above the ground). Danny chocked on his soda and laughed few times (it felt genuine!!!), commenting when it fitted. When he mentioned some petty argument one of his friends had with Izzy, younger boy almost fell of the building and muttered

“It’s like vegan vs meat fight all over again.”

“What?” Duke asked, trying not to snort. Though he was curious. Danny rarely shared stories from before Gotham.

“My friend Sam is an ultra vegan and once she changed cafeteria menu to match it. My other frien Tucker is me-” he froze “was. Tucker was meatlover and Sam was vegan.” He finished in hurt tone. “Somehow they organized opposing protests in the second they of their conflict. Like full on two crowds of random people with banners and shouting and insulting each other, all on the school grounds” it didn’t took to be a detective to hear tears in his voice. Duke wasn’t quite sure what he should do.

“Damn, that’s crazy.”

“And I haven’t gotten to Lunch Lady part yet” why did it sounded like a threat?! What did that woman do to one up two opposing protests? “Changing menu enraged a ghost of a woman that worked on it and she came back to punish whoever did that.” Alright, that was certainly a way to be weirder that two opposing protests “She was first ghost I have fought, y’know? I had no idea what was happening, my power were acting up ‘cause I had them for like month or something, it was a mess. At some point she created mecha suit out of meat and destroyed school yard” Danny let out watery laugh “It was still me who got detention because of course. It was so fucking weird back then and now I wouldn’t even bat an eye. None of my friends would. But –ah” He gasped then raised his mask to dry tears that collected under the lenses. “Sorry for bringing the mood down”

“It’s okay. Thank you for sharing this”

In his defense, Duke felt greatly out of his depth. Danny practically never shared stories from his live before, which wasn’t all that weird, but regardless, left him underprepared for sudden openness. They sat in hopefully comforting silence when younger boy was slowly collecting himself back together. Then they awkwardly ate their sandwiches until Lar tensed, halfway through the bite. He gulped quickly and shared what got him so alarmed.

“There is a robbery this way… three streets away.” He stood up and flew, continuing over the comm. Duke grappled right after him. There was no time to hang out on random roof “Jewelry store… six, seven, eight… approximately eight hostages, one is a child, at least two armed robbers” he stopped speaking, listening to something “They just shot someone” he added with clear strain in his voice. He sped up, checking his pockets for medical equipment. Signal checked what most likely was their destination and called an ambulance there.

As much as he would like to, they didn’t rush inside the moment they got there. Lar’s hearing was great but he couldn’t run all the reckon.

For example he hadn’t heard anything about the fucking bomb. It was cliché bomb with timer, red numbers counting down. When he checked, they still got fifteen minutes. They exchanged grim glances of mutual understanding before vanishing from the sight.

Photokinesis rules, especially when it let him vaguely see his patrol partner while he was invisible.

They slipped inside thanks to shared intangibility and then went their separate ways. Danny flew towards middle-aged man sitting against counter in growing puddle of blood. Duke prepared to knock out at least one robber with element of surprise. It was the one who previously showed around a remote with cartoon-like big red button, so he counted it would prevent any premature explosions. He sprung to the action when injured men disappeared from mundane sight, causing both robbers to shout and shot. They missed miserably (not weird since they didn’t saw their target) and he quickly knocked out one with purple helmet, kicking gun out of pink’s hands. He dropped hi invisibility so they didn’t shot blindly and hurt any hostage. Second one didn’t go down as easily as their partner. Hero and criminal exchanged blows, not giving each other moment to think. Duke was cautious. Bomb was still there. Until he wasn’t, blinded as ghost of light from exploding bomb. Person he was fighting used this little break to press something n their chest pocket.

“You knew what’ll happen if you try to stop us.” Feminine voice from under the helmet was maniac. Signal met enough bad people to know what it mean. He jumped behind the counter for the cover while yelling:

“Lar, the bomb!”

Sounds exploded.

God bless Danny and his construct abilities. Small, transparent, neon green shield arose at the same time as explosion, that couldn’t affect anything outside ectoplasmic dome. And people’s ears.

With that of the table, fight resolved quickly, even despite the fact criminal got their gun back and tried to shot both vigilantes, with Lar’s back often turned because he kept evacuating civilians. Well, on Signal’s watch nobody got shot, thank you very much.

He managed to knock out his opponent soon after last person was evacuated and younger boy returned to check how else he could help. They quickly zip tied both unconscious criminals and got out to drink some water and resume on their patrol.

“Ambulance already took that man that got shot. They said he was stable. Nobody else had any injuries, few were in shock. I gave them shock blankets and tried to calm them a little before I had to go back to get the rest out. They’re under GCPD care now” Danny reported as they stood on the roof on the opposite side of the street. Signal took big sip to ease his thirst and nodded.

“Good job Lar.”

Younger boy smiled widely and brightened up so much, Duke would be surprised if normal people hadn’t seen some of it too.

It was nice to see him like this.

They sat to rest a little before resuming on running around this cursed city.

Unfortunately peace didn’t last for long. Before they finished drinking, Danny paled, almost dropping his bottle. Whatever shocked younger boy so much, was really, really bad sign. Like, disastrous level of bad sign. Rogue is attacking level of bad. Especially when he pressed his hands against his ears with pained expression and tears in his eyes. He took few breaths to help him collect himself. When he raised his head again Duke whispered:

“What’s wrong?”

“People are screaming. Loudly. They’re terrified. It’s chaos and it’s deafening. I- uh, this way” teen’s voice was a little shaky. He flew, even faster than he usually did. Whatever he heard- “I think it’s Scarecrow”

Well shit. It was full family, The Ultimate Panic Button press, too much to handle alone type of emergency. Duke grappled right after Danny, sending emergency signal.

It was objectively worst thing about daytime patrolling.

When there is issue you can’t handle alone, you’re on your own for a lot longer than night shift. After all, you have to wait until someone gets from whatever they’re doing as civilians, then they make their way to the Cave, then suit up and only then drive or grapple to wherever emergency happened. It obviously takes significantly more time than just getting from different patrolling area.

His intestines were twisted in dread. They had to handle Scarecrow and panicking, gas affected crowd on their own. They weren’t ready. They so fucking much weren’t ready.

“It’s okay Duke” Danny whispered over comm. “I know it’s a lot for you but we will handle this. It’ll be okay. I promise” They won’t, Duke knew that they weren’t enough to make it alright. It was fear gas attack. How many people even were affected? How many victims already? Even if by some unimaginable miracle nobody died on them, even if nobody’s heart gave out after beating too fast for too long, even if nobody’s lungs had lost battle with suffocating gas, even if somehow everyone made it out alive, how many people would be lost in their heads full of nightmares for the rest of their lives. How many people will join his parents? How-

“Duke” Oh, Danny was in front of him, hands on his arms. When did they stop on this roof? “I know it’s scary, horrifying even but I need you to breathe, okay? In, two, three, four, out, two, three, four, five, six, seven. In, two, three, four, out, two, three, four, five, six, seven.”

Oh, he was spiraling. Maybe even panicking.

He was panicking and his younger brother had to handle this. He tried to follow exercise and get himself back together as fast as possible. It was emergency, he could freak out after it’s wrapped up. Was it unhealthy? Maybe, but it was on brand with how heroes had to deal with their emotions. Just calm down for now. Calm down. Calm down! CALM DOWN!

“It’s okay Duke. I know it’s hard” Danny was surprisingly peaceful despite horrified screams probably ringing in his ears. “If you don’t think you can do it, you can stay somewhere safe, on a rooftop or something and tell me where you see people that need my help. You know, like Oracle.” His voice was so soft, his offer so tempting–

No! It wasn’t type of situation where he could stay on the sidelines. Especially not when that left only one, fourteen-year-old, person to handle this shit. Thank that Duke himself was fifteen didn’t mean he should take responsibility.

“I can do this. Let’s go” he announced a little sharper than he wanted. Boy nodded with sad smile and let his hands drop to his sides. Then he spun around and took of flying.

“Tell me if it’s too much at any point.” He added already over comm.

Duke stood for few seconds before he shook whatever got to him and run to catch up to his patrol buddy. He could handle himself.

They got to the place of emergency without further interruptions. Duke’s breath didn’t hitched when he saw streets filled with suffocating, dense gas, it didn’t. He heard screams some time before but actually seeing it made him freeze for a moment.

“Are you sure you can-”

Signal jumped down to the street instead of answering. If he stayed up there any longer, there was no say he could force himself to move. He almost got run over by car that crashed into the wall mere seconds later. There were at least two people inside. Two that were lucid enough to cry. He tried to open the door but they were too crumpled. Window was too small to get in or out. He didn’t have tools to get them safely out. To get them at all. He-

Danny yanked him back and pushed him towards teen girl curled few steps away. They didn’t need to talk, they both understood. Signal handled girl, Lar handled car.

They got separated after that. Duke was in some sort of haze. Find panicking person. Get them out. Give them antidote. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. One woman, nurse, asked if she could help so he gave her spare gas mask and handful of syringes. Find panicking person. Get them out. Give them antidote. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Ignore still bodies that you won’t be able to help. Shove them in one place out of the way and go back to living. Repeat. Find panicking person. Get them out. Give them antidote. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Rest of the Bats gradually joined them, but they haven’t saw each other. B fought Scarecrow himself. Find panicking person. Get them out. Give them antidote. Repeat. Repeat. Re- He run out of antidote. He run out. He- He had to take people to the nearest clinic that has them. It wasn’t that far. Farer than he would like but not really that far. Ok, change of plans. Find panicking person. Take them to clinic. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Re-

“Signal, do you hear us?” Batman’s voice finally broke to him. He blinked few times before answering.

“Yeah, sorry. What did you say?”

“Everyone is accounted for. Everyone go back to the Cave.” Oh, okay. They made it. “Good job Signal.” It didn’t felt like it.

“Are you alright Duke?” Tim was next to him, looking at him with concern. He shrugged. He wasn’t but there was nothing anyone could do at the moment. He just needed a moment to process everything. And probably cry or scream. Or both.

“Oracle, are you sure there is no one else?” Danny interrupted with undertone he couldn’t quite place at the moment.

“Positive. This is area with really high amount of cameras and I see no one, no one also walked into blind spot and haven’t returned.” Babs was calm and collected although slightly annoyed.

“But I-” there were noises as if boy was fiercely rubbing his ears without turning his comm off “I swear I can hear so-” with every word Danny sounded more and more desperate “Oh. Oh shit. Oooh shit.”

Something bad was happening.

“Lar, what’s wrong?” Duke asked looking over at Tim, who was already checking their brother’s location.

He got ignored, like anyone who tried to ask Danny for his wellbeing.

“Lar, where is your mask?!” Babs sounded exasperated and concerned at once “You’re in the middle of the cloud!”

They froze. Then Signal raced towards Danny. Whatever the fuck happened, younger boy needed his help. He was probably too horrified to get out or inject himself with antidote. It was surprising that he was still so lucid.

“You know how I don’t need to breath, right? I gave it to one dude that asked how he can help.” Danny latched onto distraction from his fear like it was lifebelt for his sanity, which it probably was.

“You always carry at least one spare” B pointed out in his harsh Batman tone “and you need to breath when you’re talking.” He added with more concerned, ‘I would lecture you but you’re not in shape for that’ undertone in his voice.

“Yeah” was more sigh than word “There was two of them so I didn’t have spare and I had to fight Scarecrow for a moment and I accidentally breathed during that. Since I didn’t fall in mindless panic right then and there I thought- I thought it wasn’t working” his false confidence morphed into whisper that was oh, so small and scared “I thought it wasn’t working but it works, it wo-”

He screamed so loudly Duke stopped in his tracks.

“Lar, whatever you are seeing, it is not real” Damian called with dread clear in his voice

“I know, I know” he sounded desperate, he knew it on intellectual level but it could only take him so far. He knew but couldn’t believe it. Duke could understand that. “I know. After all, they are dead and they loved me. They wouldn’t be like that.” Finally, he found Danny standing, pressed in the corner of some dead end, shaking like a twig, with hood of his head, holding one hand to his chest like he was injured.

“Knowing doesn’t help.”

All yellow vigilante wanted to do was to drop from the rooftop, hug him and get him as far as possible from whatever he was seeing. But before he moved, Danny’s aura grew and strengthen and green energy blast hit wall one store beneath him. Then there was deafening, broken yell full of rage and sorrow.

“NO, I WON’T”

Next blast fired into nothingness.

“I think it’s safe to say we lost him. I’m turning his comm off so we don’t lost our hearing. Signal’s comm should handle it.” Oracle said with forced calmness.

Duke stayed at the roof, still like salt pillar, when Danny kept screaming and attacking whoever he saw, after he turned to his ghost form. It was first time when Duke saw him like that outside of photo. B wanted to know what was happening. Signal wasn’t sure what words left his mouth. He couldn’t d anything again. He didn’t have any antidotes, he wasn’t strong enough to force crazed boy out of poisonous cloud that was slowly killing his mind. He was useless.

It took him longer than he would like to realize and even longer to get his body to work enough to make a report that Danny seemed to be able to physically interact with his hallucinations.

“The fuck that means Narrows?!” Jason yelled and Duke really had enough for this day and he would love if it finally ended thank you very much.

“It means that his arm suddenly started bleeding and his hair unnaturally raised before he yanked his head into wall with enough strength to give normal person severe concussion.” He snapped. “If someone has an idea how to stop it, get here right fucking now and do it.”

On the street below boy kept doing his thing, flying and causing serious property damage like rabid Luthor’s mecha suit. He kept yelling, pleading for his parents to believe that he was still Danny, screaming at Vlad that he won’t become his son and at someone else that he (Danny) won’t destroy world again. Whatever that meant, because world was very clearly still not destroyed.

Suddenly boy fell to the ground back to his human form as if his powers just stopped working. Duke wanted to jump down and do something, anything, to help but before he could Phantom stood up again and returned to his fight.

“I won’t lose this and even if I do it’s not the same. They’re ready for you.”

After moment long enough for hallucination to reply he added.

“I know. I’m you. You’re me. They’re ready for us.” He announced weakly, once again pressing himself into corner. Something moved in deepening shadows. Gas almost fully dissolved or got blew away by wind. “You’re lying! They wouldn’t!” he yelled in desperate denial to whatever he heard or saw.

Now that he was staying still, Cass jumped from somewhere and quickly inserted syringe into Danny’s bloody arm. She quickly retreated, properly assuming that just like gas, antidote won’t work right away. Boy froze for a moment. His aura shifted in a way that usually preceded something truly powerful.

Then he wailed.

It was absolutely deafening, terrified, barely human sound of most basic, almost animalistic fear and grief. It was like thunder, like tsunami hitting shore, like explosion, like avalanche and like death of star itself all at once but somehow clear and distinguishable. He could almost see these images moving along sound waves.

So strong, it alone caused similar destruction as previous, imaginary fight.

Duke hoped it wasn’t sign of crossing the point of no return as he pressed hands against his ears to protect his hearing. He was so glad he wasn’t in direction halfa send it because he knew there wouldn’t be getting away with his life, let alone hearing.

Danny fell on a ground, barely catching himself on a wall to stay at least sitting, clearly drained from whatever sonic attack he just used (no, they did not know about this power, Duke read whole Danny’s contingencies to try to learn what haunted his brother so much he deemed them necessary, this one was not mentioned). He whimpered, shaking like leaf on a strong wind, with eyes locked on point somewhere in front of him. As wrong as it sounded, this more familiar reaction to fear gas was reassuring. Boy suddenly started franticly looking around before he slumped, his body so slack Duke was scared he passed out. His aura dimmed to almost non-existent, normal human level.

After a moment, Cass came up to him again, giving everyone else a sign that it was safe. Multiple vigilantes appeared out of their hidings and jumped down inside the alley, getting closer to barely lucid teenager without making him feel cornered. Duke pushed them out of his way and crouched few feet away from Danny, far enough to no make him uncomfortable but close enough to catch or hug him if needed.

He was the one to comfort his patrol buddy and nobody could even think to stop him.

“Danny are you back with us?” he asked in as soft voice as he could manage. He repeated after a minute of silence. He almost missed breathy affirmation hiding between hastily taken gasps “That’s great. Can you try to breathe a little slower? I’ll help you, ok?”

Duke knew how to handle it, he sometime helped in emergency hotlines for a reason. He got it.

Danny clutched on him like his life depended on it. He needed a moment to reboot, before continuing to go with procedure, on his knees, with hands wrapped around younger boy just as tightly.

After time that could both be minutes or hours he got Danny to breathe properly and calm down a little. Younger boy was still shaken, only vaguely cognizant from fear, stress and exhaustion and in all honesty, Duke wasn’t too far from similar state but he had enough training to postpone it until he was back in his room.

Boy seemed to need inhuman strength to just raise his head and look at others. His unfocused eyes swam over all of them, but Signal doubted he actually comprehend what images light tried to paint in his brain. He tried to smile too but it turned out as pitiful grimace at best. His eyes still shone with tears. He whispered something, but it was so quiet it sounded more like silent sigh.

“Can you repeat, please? I didn’t hear you properly” Duke tried, as calm and soothing as he could manage.

“I’m sorry Duke”

It was so quiet he was almost sure he imagined it. It also didn’t make any sense and most certainly wasn’t what younger boy said before (it was too short for it).

“Why?” he whispered, even though he logically knew there was nothing to apologize for and he shouldn’t even suggest it but he was too bewildered to proceed properly.

“I know you’re scared. Your heart gives you away. I’m sorry”

Well, it simultaneously explained everything and nothing at all.

“Don’t be. You have right to be scared too.”

Danny didn’t answer. They just sat in silence, still in each other’s arms barely holding on their false calmness, surrounded by family of vigilante detectives who for once respected their space.

“Signal, Lar, are you ready to go back to the Batcave?” Bruce interrupted, but there was concern clear in his voice. Or at least clear for anyone who learned batlanguage during their training. Danny shifted a little, as if he just realized they weren’t actually alone.

“Yeah, sorry for that. Are you ready Duke?”

“Don’t apologize Lar.” Damian interrupted. “You were under influence of gas that causes many to lose their minds. It’s only appropriate that you take time to recover, especially since-” he stopped, looking for a way to phrase what he tried to say “since it looks like you were affected more than other people.”

Duke didn’t almost whine when Danny slipped from their hug and frantically looked around absolutely destroyed dead end, he didn’t. He was giving younger boy much needed comfort but it didn’t mean he couldn’t take it for himself too.

“I did this” he said with disbelief, pain and something else, that could only mean they were in trouble.

“Yeah, gotta admit I didn’t know you’ll take ‘fight your fears’ so literally, squrit.” even voice changer couldn’t help Jason to sell his false amusement as anything other than concern.

“You haven’t stop me.” Danny continued with furrowed brows and before anyone came up with excuse he added “I gave you tools to do it.”

He meant these damn contingencies. Ones that repeatedly appeared in database no matter how many times Tim or Babs deleted them. Ones that were step by step guide through perfect murder of already dead being.

“What tools?” Steph asked without curiosity. She knew it too, she wasn’t stupid, she just tried to force Danny to say it out loud.

“I know you read my contingency files, Tim literally cited it few times. Nearest stash with weapons that you could use to stop me before I almost leveled all these buildings is like, quarter of mile down the road.” He was angry, of all things. Angry and disappointed. Duke shifted to face other vigilantes and put arm on Danny’s shoulder to keep him calm (and down because he wouldn’t put it past younger boy to try getting up and he wasn’t in shape for it).

“Too strong.”

Danny let out surprised hum, asking Cass to continue.

“Tools: too strong. Hurt you badly.”

“I-”

“You do not deserve that.”

He sucked his breath through his teeth.

“You don’t know it”

Duke dropped his hand to rub circles on his back. He was a little too emotionally exhausted to participate in that conversation.

“We know enough.” Tim interrupted a little too harshly “You don’t have to be brutally murdered because you’re scared.”

“I am threat to people around me. You’re heroes. Your job is to take out threats. Why haven’t you stop me?”

Bruce sighed and crouched in front of them, seeing just how far gone Danny was.

“You aren’t a threat champ.”

“You’re too big goodie-two-shoes for that kid” Jason added “You haven’t even kill anyone. Almost everyone else in this family did, hell, I and Demon brat tried to murder Red Robin and they still refuse to hate us.”

Both Danny and Tim sucked breath trough their teeth but it seemed like they did so for two different reasons.

“I don’t want you to like me despite everything.” halfa’s voice was harsh and cold like frozen carbon dioxide “I want you to stop me when I become too dangerous to be left unsupervised or alive at all Red Hood. I’m not a threat you can afford to ignore because you think I’m good.”

“You aren’t a threat” Bruce repeated stubbornly, as if he hoped that if he says it enough times Danny will believe it.

“I will destroy whole world.” He spat in same tone.

Everyone loudly refused to believe it. Even Cass almost shouted.

“Yeah, I don’t like it too, but I know it’s inevitable. Inciting incident already happened and I failed to prevent it. I try to not go same path but it’s lost cause. I need you to stop me when I finally snap.”

“Or we can prevent you from snapping. It seems like more efficient way.” Damian said, eyeing him warily.

Danny laughed at that, hysteric, broken, joyless giggle that made Duke shudder.

And he laughed and laughed and laugh-

He stopped abruptly, dark expression on his face.

“Good luck with that. You failed already.”

In silence that fallen after this announcement sudden clap sounded like gunshot.

“I got it!” Tim almost yelled with delight in his voice. It gave Duke mental whiplash by just how out of place it seemed in this conversation.“You met an alternative evil future version of yourself!”

That gave everyone a pause. It- it made horrifying lot of sense. How could they miss for so long?

Danny sighed and went almost boneless under Duke’s arm. He quickly rearranged his hand to adjust to it.

Can he go to his room and have his well deserved breakdown already, please? This day was getting more and more overwhelming with every passing minute.

“It’s a lot of words to describe older me”

“What did he even do?” Damian asked which was highly inappropriate at the moment and really showed that his victim handling training was still lacking but nobody out right told him to shut up. They were curious.

“I’ll go mad from grief and turn whole world into wasteland in mere ten years.”

Yeah, if they knew it before he became part of the family (B spiritually and mentally adopted him weeks before he even stepped inside Batcave), they would go out of their way to learn ways to stop or fight and contain him.

Still, not this crazy murder plan Danny himself prepared. They all believed in second chances. Most of the time at least. Joker lost his second chance fifteen chances ago, they just still hadn’t come up with a way to get rid of this fucker without alarming B.

“You won’t” Red Robin assured quickly, earning loud groan.

“I literally just told yo-“

“You know what’s great about future? It’s not set in stone.”

“I literally time traveled back-”

“He time traveled.”

“Tim, we’re same person, why should I talk about myself in third person? Isn’t it sign of going crazy or something? Anyway I time traveled-”

“He.” few voices interrupted at the same time.

Duke would like to ask everyone to get it over with as soon as possible, please, he learned to much that day to stand it too much longer.

“He time traveled” Danny said with sigh “happy now?”

“No, but we won’t get any better now, so please continue” Tim said in this weirdass cheerily unhappy tone of his. The one he used on annoying reporters (Vicky Vale we’re looking at you), prying people at galas and overall when he wanted to choke someone but had to be civil.

“He time traveled to make sure thing that caused me to go rogue happened and I failed to prevent it. My family’s death is what created that timeline. I will be-

“He!”

“He will be so horrible some god damn ghost court sentenced me to full death, not even ghost remain, au revoire halfa boy, we’re glad to never see you again, cease to exist abomination scum sort of way. I don’t think there is much hope for me.”

“What I hear is, we have to get ready to fuck up ghost executors, got it. Beating up government dogs is my fucking favorite part of this cursed job” Jason said with a glee. B gave him side eye but nodded in agreement anyway. Damian and Tim were already looking around with weapons in their hands as if they expected ghost killers to jump at them right then and there (not unlikely with their luck but dear gods, please no), Steph giggled in a way that meant only trouble for poor lad that crossed her.

“I won’t let anyone steal my patrol buddy.” Duke tried to reassure. “Ghost court or self doubt alike”

Cass looked thoughtful.

Danny was just exasperated.

“You realize that ghosts are, like, really strong” he almost asked like he started to doubt their mental capabilities “ and anyone that managed to establish any sort of dominance over them is like, over the scale, god like or more level of strong? I don’t want you to try stop them from giving me well deserved punishment.” Duke was almost sure that Danny had tears in his eyes but couldn’t quite point what exactly could cause them.

“Not deserved. You did nothing bad yet” Cass visibly glared even though her mask covered her whole face. Amazing. “If they want to kill you, why still there?”

“Time controlling ghost decided I deserve to live, still not sure why. He was supposed to execute me I think. Erase me from the timeline probably.” His voice shook. He really was barely holding himself from crying, huh? Yeah, Duke too.

“Well, this means you have credit from father time himself, I think it leaves you pretty clean.”

“Spoiler is right. Someone who controls time is as good judge of crimes that haven’t happened yet as we can get. Also, don’t you think, that if he let you live, it means there is future with good Danny, champ?” Bruce added with warm smile. It was uncanny when he was still in full Batman suit, in public (because damn, they were still in public, thank god nobody really liked to walk in places that were recently gassed) but very much needed.

Danny laughed, tears flowing freely from his eyes. It wasn’t necessarily happy laugh, more of this ‘release the tension’ like in ancient theory of comedy, hysteric relief after near death situation or dam broke after holding back for too long type.

“You’re all nuts” he finally choked out, shaking his head and fruitlessly trying to dry his face “I just said I’m very likely to destroy a world, killing you in the process and you collectively decided to ignore that? Even got sorta mad at me for giving you tools to stop me? I- that’s- you-” he stuttered. He forced himself to breathe few times before continuing so quietly it could be mistaken for next gasp.

“I did nothing to deserve that”

“You don’t have to.” Duke answered in same hushed tone, outstretching his hands for next hug. Danny leaned into that without hesitation, shaking from silent sobs. It was okay. It had been hard day but it was okay now.

“Thank you”

His breath stuttered. Somebody else joined their hug. Tears started running under his helmet.

Yeah, no, Duke deserved to cry too.

*****

Yeah, so Duke's pov was supposed to be only fear gas attack and the talk but then I thought they deserve to just vibe a little, stop some normal crime and play around.

Lar (plural Lares) according to my 10 minutes Wikipedia research is type of Roman protection spirit. They could protect parts of estate, families or whole neighborhoods. Up to your interpretation if Danny wanted to be Wayne's protection spirit or more Gotham wide type of deal. He is running around in his human form btw. Damian designed his uniform. It's mostly ectoplasmic green because Danny tried really hard to leave Phantom in the past, color palette included.

Hope I didn't mess up too badly but English grammar is weird. If you have hidden teacher desires, get your red pen and indulge them. Show me where I made a mistake

Yeah, anyway I hope you liked it, drink water and try to sleep. Take care 💙

DC X DP Prompt #4

It turns out that one of the things Danny inherited from Bruce was his need to make contingency plans.

Or: Danny's family finds out that he has contingency plans for all of them, including if Danny turns evil and how to permanently stop him

Bruce feels a certain way when he finds out his son has a plan to basically commit suicide.

[electronickingdomfox]

Spock getting out of “Pon farr”: some theories

I know this is a plot point that many people who watched “Amok Time” have wondered about: why is Spock alive by the end of the episode, if he never mated with T’Pring? The rules were simple: Vulcans going through pon farr only have two options, mate or die. Yet Spock does neither. Why?

Apparently, this was something that bugged the Star Trek team as well, upon reading Sturgeon’s script. In a letter to the script writer, Gene L. Coon commented:

“...since we have established that Spock either gets to Vulcan within eight days or dies, why doesn’t he do so when he doesn’t get married or laid? We must establish a sound explanation and have it explained or a lot of people will be unhappy with us...” (http://www.thesearethevoyagesbooks.com/the-writing-of-ldquoamok-timerdquo.html)

Now, this is probably in reference to an earlier version of the script, where the question was left completely unanswered. Yet, even in the final version, the reasons are still very ambiguous, and far from being a “sound explanation”. There’s only Spock’s uncertain lines: 

“It must have been the combat. When I thought I had killed the captain, I found I had lost all interest in T'Pring. The madness was gone.”

For someone who had been requested to be more explicit, Sturgeon was definitely reluctant to give a clear cut answer. It must have been the combat... But what about it? The combat itself? Or something that happened during the combat?

There’s been a lot of thorough essays that analyze this particular episode. I’ve read some of them, in particular:

-Thoughts on Amok Time, by Hypatia Kosh -A Logical Look at Amok Time, by K’sal -Meta: Amok Time, by spookyfbi

At this point, I don’t hope to present any original ideas for the subject. But I wanted to go through the different theories, and explain why I think they work or don’t. As well as show my own personal view. And in the process, maybe I’ll point out some new detail that wasn’t covered yet.

In general, there are two types of theories: Spock gets out of pon farr without having sex, or Spock does indeed have sex.

Note: Wall of text ahead. And given the subject matter, expect some adult/disturbing talk.

The “No sex” theories

The most common belief is that Spock snaps out of pon farr because of the shock of seeing Kirk (apparently) dead. The horror of having killed his friend is so great, it overrides even his biological impulses, so he loses all interest in mating. This theory works well for many people, whether they want to see Kirk and Spock’s relationship as romantic or as deep friendship. It’s also seemingly supported by the dialogue. And it’s a suitably “decent” explanation for a general audience.

However, I find several problems with this idea. For starters, Spock doesn’t really say that Kirk’s death is the reason why he lost all interest in T’Pring. He simply points out that both things (finding out Kirk was dead, and losing interest in mating) happened around the same time. In fact, his belief that it must have been the combat (something that happened during the fight, not Kirk’s death) contradicts it.

Apart from this, pon farr was clearly established as a mate or die situation. Not as a mate, or receive a shock, or die situation. If such a great shock was enough to snap a Vulcan out of pon farr, then this must have been something extraordinary, that neither Spock (nor Vulcans in general) must know about. But then... why is nobody surprised (apart from McCoy)? T’Pau wondered why Spock could talk in the middle of plak tow. Yet seeing him rejecting T’Pring, his mind recovered, doesn’t surprise her at all. Neither does it surprise T’Pring for that matter. On the contrary, she had considered this outcome beforehand:

If you were victor you would free me because I had dared to challenge, and again I would have Stonn.

Now, I don’t see any feasible situation in which a Vulcan, still going through such violent impulses, could ever reject his mate, challenge or not challenge. If pon farr made Spock crazy enough to divert the ship, disobey orders and fight his captain, it should make him crazy enough to accept T’Pring as his prize, despite everything. Spock being rational, and rejecting T’Pring, only makes sense under the assumption that he’s no longer in pon farr.

There’s a variation on this theory I have found sometimes. The idea that Spock’s telepathic bond with T’Pring transfers to Kirk during the fight. So when he thinks Kirk’s dead, the bond is broken, and therefore pon farr is over. Anyway, I don’t find anything in the text or subtext to support this idea. And assuming that such a thing as transferring a bond was even possible, why would it transfer to Kirk precisely during a fight? Why not in one of the many times they saved each other’s lives, or a time of great emotional closeness?

To summarize, the main problem I see with this is the contradiction it poses: either a “strong shock” is a well-known way out of pon farr (in which case, why it wasn’t even mentioned before?), or it’s something extraordinary (and then, why nobody was surprised?).

The “Sex” theories

Now, I personally think these theories make more sense. Pon farr is about mating or dying. Spock mates, so he doesn’t die. Simple. However, it’s not T’Pring with whom he has sex. That’s certain. Then who, and how?

The logical answer is Kirk. But when exactly? Some people believe Spock is still in pon farr AFTER the fight, and he satisfies it with Kirk once they reunite in the Enterprise. However, this is in direct contradiction with everything we see and we’re told. Spock has clearly regained his senses after the fight (”the madness was gone”), so whether he sexes Kirk or not in the ship doesn’t help to explain anything.

In addition to this, spookyfbi and K’sal (in the essays I linked above), theorize that Spock bringing Kirk and McCoy to the ceremony was a fallback plan for him. That if things went awry with T’Pring, those two could be his replacement lovers (in particular Kirk). This would be the meaning behind the groom’s right to bring his “friends”. These friends were thus a direct equivalent to Stonn. Of course, in this situation, the sensible thing would be to forget the marriage, and simply let everyone go away with their respective lovers. But Kirk wasn’t aware of this arrangement, and Spock couldn’t explain it to him, so he accepted the challenge, and then it was too late.

This is a valid interpretation and there’s nothing wrong about it. Though for my part, I don’t like reading so much into something that’s rather simple. The friends that the groom brings to the ceremony are simply that: friends.  Apparently, in the original script these friends were called lak noy, which translates as “best man”, so I don’t see a reason to think of them as more than that.

Finally, there’s a further theory (and it’s the one I agree the most, so I’ll dwell a bit on it). It’s the idea that Spock had sex with Kirk during the fight, right in front of the camera. Of course, “sex” in a highly stylized, symbolical way, that would be acceptable for television. Sex coded, disguised as combat. But not literal sex. This is pretty much Hypatia’s take on her essay above. And it addresses the issue from the writer’s perspective (which is a bonus point), since Sturgeon had written about erotic asphyxiation, and was interested in the link between sex and violence.

There’s also some interesting things to say about the scenography in relation to this. Beginning with Kirk’s “all-too-convenient” ripped shirt. Of course, Kirk rips his shirt A LOT through the series. But in this occasion, the opening brings the attention to his nipples, and ONLY to that.  Other times, he ripped his shirt in a more natural way while fighting. Or he was simply shirtless, which gives a more athletic feel. This time, his half-nakedness has a distinct, erotic appearance.

It’s also noteworthy that the combat, which was supposed to be “to the death”, was halted for no reason by T’Pau, just to replace the lirpa (a better weapon to fight to the death) with the much less dangerous ahn-woon. Was this made just to allow for close combat, so the sex metaphor could take place? Specially interesting is the fact that, in the original script, anh-woon simply meant “unarmed combat” (see the book “The Star trek Compendium” by Allan Asherman). So originally, they removed their weapons altogether! I suppose, the original fight also involved strangling, so when they decided the ahn-woon would be a type of weapon, they chose one which could be used that way. But I don’t know that for sure.

Now, if one takes a look at the sequence of the combat, doesn’t it look as the sequence for a sex scene? (of course, I mean the following in a symbolic way, not that any of this is literally happening). Spock catches his mate:

The foreplay:

Spock penetrates Kirk:

Here Kirk lifts his leg around Spock in a deliberate way, that hardly makes sense in the context of combat:

Kirk orgasms:

Kirk goes limp:

Spock snaps out of pon farr (notice that, at this point, McCoy hasn’t declared Kirk dead yet, so Spock couldn’t be certain if he was dead or just unconscious):

The unfortunate consequences of all this, is that Spock, in a sense, forced himself upon Kirk. It’s a dark take on the issue, I know. And probably, not many people like to see it that way.

And it’s also kind of heartbreaking to see Kirk later, all welcoming, all forgiving of Spock, all smiles. Even knowing that he wasn’t in his right mind at the time, it would still be hard to face someone so deeply loved as Spock, after he tried to kill him. Compare this situation with Rand’s in “The Enemy Within”. Even after knowing that the Kirk who had attacked her was an impostor, she still had trouble looking at the good Kirk in the eye. And yet Kirk doesn’t hold anything against Spock. They’re simply infinitely happy to see each other alive. But of course, this wouldn’t be the last time Kirk risked his career, his body and his life to save Spock.

As Roddenberry himself put it in the first movie’s novel:

...theirs had been the touching of two minds which the old poets of Spock’s home planet had proclaimed as superior even to the wild physical love which affected Vulcans every seventh year during pon farr.

[mistaeq]

Tuesday, 29th December

Greek Mythology!Duwang Gang AU: Headcanons

TW // sliiight nsfw-ish or non-con hints in dionysus' part. come on it's dionysus.

Today I offer you these babies. Tomorrow who knows. Hope you enjoy, I had fun with writing these.♡

Greek Mythology AU: Duwang Gang Headcanons. [includes: Higashikata Josuke, Nijimura Okuyasu, Kujo Jotaro, Hirose Koichi, Yamagishi Yukako, Kishibe Rohan]

WORD COUNT: 2k

HIGASHIKATA JOSUKE as APOLLO

Seen as the most beautiful god, Apollo has been recognized as a god of archery, music and dance, truth and prophecy, healing and diseases, the Sun and light, poetry, and more. One of the most important and complex of the Greek gods, he is the son of Zeus (Joseph) and brother of Artemis (Holly). As the protector of young, Apollo is concerned with the health and education of children.

He's seen every early morning, on his chariot, to bring the sunlight up in the sky, all over the Olympus. Josuke's the dream of many nymphs, who look at him from afar, singing songs for the god with their sweet voices, a sound so sweet, a sound so celestial... which is covered up by Apollo's voice fucking around the Olympus with young Dionysus (Okuyasu), pulling pranks on Poseidon (Jotaro) or getting drunk.

You're the most envied creature out of everyone in the Olympus, because Josuke only has eyes for you. Envious nymphs stare at you, and comment on you, trying to convince themselves that they're way better than you are.

"Don't listen to their envy and their insults, they don't know how to cope with the fact that I have clear preferences..." he'd say, caressing your cheek and neck. "This is what poisons relationships and romances... envy... jealousy... but we don't have these useless problems, do we, love...?"

His relationship with other gods on the Olympus is usually fine, but it's not like he cares about hiding his feelings. Almost everyone who knows Josuke, will get to know after not even a week that the god is crushing on you, and that he wants to marry you. You sure hope he's not gonna behave the same way he did to Daphne...

It seems that he has healing powers, and if you happen to not to be a deity, he'll gladly use them on you, Josuke wouldn't forgive himself if anything happened to you.

NIJIMURA OKUYASU as DIONYSUS

Surely not known for his capability to reasonate, Dionysus was the ancient god of wine, fertility, ritual madness, theater, and ecstasy. The god is shown to be a beardless, sensuous, naked or semi-naked youth. Though Dionysus was mostly a kind and generous deity, he could be cruel when he needed it. For some reason, Aphrodite (Yukako) doesn't want to get close to him. She looks scared.

He doesn't do much, during the day. Let's say his favourite thing are feasts. Not really chaste ones, to be completely true. Okuyasu's mind is almost totally hedonistic, and won't feel guilty just because he spent a day watching dancing maenads and had fun teasing them with his Thyrsus instead of caring about whatever mortal dude needed him on Earth. Most of the time he's drunk, but Josuke has his back for some reason.

Many say they don't envy you for being the god's favourite creature, but you don't really care. You enjoy lying down with Okuyasu, caught in a ecstatic feeling as he turns you on with his touch and teaseful words whispered at you.

"Tell me, is it embarrassing for you to be the only one to lie beside me during feasts?" He'd run his lustful gaze and hand all over your body as he asks so, and smirk a little. "No? It isn't...? Sounds like you really like it instead, to be completely honest. Good... really good, in fact. Kiss me now."

He doesn't really have a brilliant relationship with other deities, apart from Apollo. He sometimes sees Echo (Koichi), but not much more. Still, everyone knows it when he has someone he's interested in. The man becomes possessive, Okuyasu will make sure everyone knows you're his. He might give a demonstration during feasts.

He likes to feed you grapes, and in case you liked wine, Okuyasu would want to hold the glass for you as you drink. He likes to do this for you, and you don't mind letting him.

KUJO JOTARO as POSEIDON

Poseidon is the violent and ill-tempered god of the sea. He is nowadays known exclusively as a sea god, but in ancient times, he may have been the god of the earth and fertility or even the supreme god of the sky. His huge height and strength come from his Titan parents, Cronus and Rhea. What he can't acquire with romance and gentleness, he does with violence and craftiness.

He sometimes uses the sea as a coping mechanism for his tiring life. Jotaro doesn't find his ocean so bad to be in, he concentrates and spends his time doing stuff gods... do? What does he really do, is not clear? Apollo and Dionysus tried to stick their heads into the water to spy on him several times, without any result. It's not like he's so happy when mortals need his help, but he can't pull back from his duty.

Poseidon probably noticed you because you weren't bugging him for pointless stuff. He likes pleasures too, like most of the deities do really, he just needs to find the right creature for him. Jotaro doesn't enjoy partners who talk too much.

"Don't worry about being a bother for me. You're the first one who isn't truly bothering me, I take it as a goal by now." he'd say, after he closed you in a bubble in order to bring you under the sea with him. "I never dare to show my realm to people who I judge as annoying, remember that."

It's not like he doesn't have a good relationship with other deities, he basically doesn't really care. He'll just be happy with being under the ocean whenever he feels Josuke and Okuyasu approaching, or not to be there during Apollo and Calliope (Rohan) debates. Give him some deserved peace and an ocean and he'll be grateful forever.

If Jotaro lets you in his private place which is the ocean, consider yourself special for him, for he hates having people there, above all people who are there for him purposely.

HIROSE KOICHI as ECHO

Echo is a mountain nymph, or oread. The myth says that Echo offended the goddess Hera by keeping her in conversation, in order to prevent her from spying on one of Zeus' lovers. To punish him, Hera deprived him of speech, except for the ability to repeat the last words of another. Because of this, his good heart is often misunderstood, but he managed to be appreciated nonetheless.

Koichi would rather have no conversations, for he's not able to say nothing more than the last words his interlocutor said. But he's down to make people understand what he wants to say, by writing it down or through gestures. Apollo approached him once, and brought Dionysus along. He doesn't know how to feel about hanging with gods, but since his issue isn't a problem to them, he'll keep them around. Until they misbehave...

When he gets to know you and notices you aren't willing to exclude him for he doesn't talk properly, his heart melts. Echo wants to spend most of his time with you now, since you make him feel comfortable about the problem Hera caused him.

"I love you, I love you, love you, love you, you, you..." he'd repeat, after you told him that. When he wants to say something like this, you say it for him, so that he can repeat it and say it as well. "You're important to me... important to me... important to me... to me... to me... me..."

Look, he's trying his best, really. Deities aren't known for their inclusive ways, and when he asked you if it was because of his past, you quickly said it wasn't. Nobody cared about it there. Deities were like that with every nymph. Echo had a chance to build up a good relationship with Calliope (Rohan). The muse taught him a lot.

He has fun bringing you to places where your voice echoes, to make you judge who does it better between him and the nature. Needless to say, Koichi always wins.

YAMAGISHI YUKAKO as APHRODITE

Aphrodite was known primarily as a goddess of sexual love, beauty, fertility and even occasionally presided over marriage. Even prostitutes considered Aphrodite their patron. She's had many mortal lovers, and none of them should have ever dared to make her upset. She won't be down for forgiveness, she's really never been. Still, Aphrodite found herself often in trouble due to her personality.

Differently from many other deities, Yukako's real fun consisted in watching humans' love stories bloom and wither. Sometimes she was the reason, sometimes she wasn't. Mortals were so easy to play with. It was when she thought that playing gods was just as simple, that she got caught into a trap. Since that mistake, she decided she would have been amused enough to be happy by mortals' love stories.

Oh, Aphrodite's so used to creatures - above all gods - who tried to stick around her for her body only, so that when you give an appreciation for her intelligence, she'll remember it and love you forever. It's like you signed up a free trial to be loved.

"You know, it's difficult to make me feel love so strong I don't even think about the lustful part... but apparently you managed to do so..." she'd say, sitting in the calm forest as she hands you a flower. "It's good to know someone doesn't love you for your body only but for yourself as well."

Yukako's relationship with other deities and creatures is just... ambiguous? She may never judge what's behind everyone's gaze. Hatred? Love? Lust? Who knows. All she knows, is that the only sight of Dionysus makes the ground under her feet disappear in fear. Compared to him, she'll just be fine in everyone else's company.

Everything she does, it's for the good. If it happens to harm you, Yukako definitely didn't mean it. It'll be enough to tell her, and believe me, it won't happen again.

KISHIBE ROHAN as CALLIOPE

In Greek mythology Calliope is the muse who presides over eloquence and epic poetry. He's called the "Chief of all Muses". He's down to help every literate artist who needs him, gives inspiration and guides the mortals' talented hands, as far as they deserve his power. Calliope's used to be mentioned, and might happen to get upset if not. Even if he's only halfway a deity, he's known for his confidence.

The most famous out of the Muses, Rohan won't forgive anyone who's never heard about him before. He can be seen around Echo a lot lately, since he found the nymph's story interesting and won't hold back from inspiring a mortal with writing about what happened to Koichi. He's used to collect creatures' stories, in order to be written by someone who's talented enough to talk about them properly.

He probably got interested in your story first. Then, for some reason he grew possessive of it. Calliope won't let a mortal put their filthy hands on a story so pure. Let the Muse be the only one who can properly love you.

"This story of yours is so beautiful, I can never have enough... and it's mine only, is it, y/n? Is it?" he'd ask him forever until you answer yes, he'll find no peace at all. "Let me get inspiration from you. Let me be the only one who can properly appreciate your life... just like you deserve."

His relationship with other creatures and deities is... rather good? Rohan's used to have debates and discussions with Josuke, and most of the time they just disagree. Though, many envy his capability of being so creative and smart, mortal writers ask for his help several times. Aphrodite and him sometimes fight over Echo.

He'd write lots of poetries in order to edulcorate your feelings towards him and make you forgive him for his excessive possessiveness. Rohan often succeeds.

[troublcmakcrs]

As Clyde stammered through an apology, Tweek’s expression softened, still not quite inviting, but no longer bitterly hostile, something more neutral.  He had been too hard on the other, he realized that, and his bitchy defensiveness was not going to get him anywhere.  He could not help it entirely, as the reflex to protect himself was ingrained so deeply within him, and he still had trouble with determining where the threats really lied.  It was safer to assume guilty until proven innocent, but it was not conducive to forming relationships, especially when he shut perfectly well-meaning people out.

Clyde wasn’t bad, just clumsy and a little silly and shortsighted.  Tweek loosened his arms, not uncrossing them yet but relaxing ever slightly, ensuring he could still close himself back up if he needed to.  He still expected the worst, the ambiguous worst that never happened but still kept him up for days on end, and even though he was trying to extend an olive branch, he needed to give himself a way out.  He needed to have all options out on the table, including the ability to shut himself back up if sharing went badly or if he got too scared by how far out on the limb he was.

“Craig tried to get me help once,” Tweek hazarded softly, still with that impassive countenance.  “We were too young for it, though.”  The only reason he knew about that was because Craig had come back to him in helpless, furious tears, unable to hide what he had tried and failed to do.  The guilt from his defeat broke him down, and he told Tweek all about it, apologizing because Colorado state law required that you had to be at least sixteen to receive therapy without your parents being informed about it.  Tweek was doing better that day and was further sobered by Craig’s tears, and he rubbed the other boy’s back, saying in low tones that at least he had tried and thanking him for the goodness of his efforts.  He kept the thoughts about how it was silly to try to himself because even if he had found some success, they weren’t insured without their parents, and neither one of them could shell out the one-hundred-twenty dollars or so a week.  How good it felt to be the one consoling Craig, then!—what a sweet variation in their relationship!  It was rousing to be the one in control for once, while the other fell apart on the floor.  As he pulled Craig into his arms and petted his inky tresses, it was almost possible to believe they were friends again.

But then, the hospital happened, and it became apparent that Craig wasn’t as well-intentioned and noble as Tweek had wanted to think him.  Those tears he shed had been for himself, because he was still stuck in a situation he didn’t want to be in, stuck with Tweek, and he couldn’t convince anyone to take Tweek off his hands.  But when a more docile approach didn’t work, Craig found a way to force them to take Tweek away from him for seventy-two grueling hours.

‘It’s a mental hospital, not a prison,’ Craig tried to reason with him.

‘To YOU,’ Tweek bit back.

And Craig had not said anything in return but looked at him with such a gravity of expression that his meaning was clear enough: You may be right, but I don’t care.

Craig was never well-intentioned, he was a bastard who thought of no one but himself, but Clyde wasn’t Craig and didn’t deserve the icy treatment.  He was making sincere efforts, the ungainly sort, the only kind that could be made by people who had never experienced addiction or madness or all manners of abuse.  But he was decent, and wasn’t his big heart and glowing warmth what drew Tweek to him in the first place?

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.  If you’re grudging yourself for not doing anything, don’t.  There was very little that could have been done at the time.”  Besides, Clyde had done his part by coming around the coffeeshop a little more often, even if Tweek was not often in an especially chatty mood.

“Very few people do deserve the circumstances of their lives, I’ve found,” he mused, his gaze drifting off in front of him, unseeing.  “Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad ones, and nobody learns anything.”  A dull pain settled like a stone between his ribs, and his breathing came more raggedly.  “It is what it is…”

His present upset wasn’t Clyde’s fault, not really, which meant it was Tweek’s turn for an apology.  “I’m sorry I—hhn—snapped at you.”  He looked up and away, swallowing rising bile in his throat, and curled a little around the pain in his chest.  “I don’t l-like talking about it, really.  And I definitely don’t—egh—like to feel like a v—like a v-victim of it.”  It was arduous, forcing that word out of himself, and he scraped his teeth along the top of his tongue to shove the taste of it away from him as quickly as possible.  “It makes me f-feel ssssmall and we…eak…”

What? 

Why was Tweek acting that way? 

Clyde had… Clyde had only wanted to express his sympathy, not pity. He wanted to acknowledge that he had seen all the pain and suffering and bullshit that the so-so-small man had gone through. He wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone– But… Clyde slowly realized that the only thing his words actually did–other than make a complete and total ass of himself–was draw unnecessary attention to the fissure that separated their very different adolescent experiences. He could see now that there was no distinction between the two emotions to Tweek; where Clyde saw compassion in his words, Tweek saw someone handing out condolences for their own self righteousness. He had fostered further isolation.

A heavy, unsatisfying weight–like too much ice cream after too much cake–settled in the lowest trench of his belly when Tweek spun away from him. Rejection and leaden guilt hampered his retreat, as well as hindered his advance. Clyde remained glued to his spot, with sneakers full of cement, unsure of himself and how to handle the other’s response. Tweek’s reaction gutted him, but the reality of the situation was that he had brought it upon himself by opening his mouth and inserting his foot. Clyde should have known better than to broach the subject with the tiny, blond man. To be perfectly honest, until Tweek shunned him, he hadn’t even realized he was cutting open an old wound. His fault for being the idiot who felt like he needed to say whatever was on his mind without considering first that his words and actions would have consequences. Being so stupid, so naive was what he felt bad about mostly; his intrinsically selfish nature.

Clyde knew Tweek could without a doubt fend for himself. He was capable and scrappy, and his perseverance in the face of adversity was what Clyde liked most about him. (Well, that and one other thing). The broader man knew his friend valued his independence above all else, but by his words… How was Tweek supposed to know that’s how he felt, that he understood him? 

He stared at the back of Tweek’s sleeve, a focal point on which to train his eyes, until the other moved again and curled his thin arms defensively around himself. Clyde’s gaze quickly and automatically shifted to the willowy line of Tweek’s spine. Anything to force himself not to blink. If his eyelids met, the trance would break and the tears would flow. He knew Tweek would be the last person to coddle him. Especially given the circumstances of their conversation. What the hell did he have to cry about anyway? Clyde couldn't help that he wore his heart on his sleeve, but he could learn to control himself. (At least a little, Jesus Christ.)

“I don’t pity you, I–” He paused. Was he really about to say ‘Sorry’ again? He stammered, tripping over his words; an easy task considering the aforementioned foot in his mouth. His fingers nervously carded through his soft brown curls. Clyde needed tactile feedback to steady his wits, but knew expecting to receive that from Tweek was more than an egregious request. He swallowed thickly, forcing himself to think before speaking this time. He looked up and met the other’s surreptitious stare. Clyde felt the stirrings of genuine apology in his throat now. 

“I’m sorry, seriously. I…’m trying to say you didn’t deserve the shit that happened to you. I couldn’t do anything but watch. I was too young, but so were you. And that’s… that’s the part that’s not fair. It’s not pity, I promise.” He just talked in circles, not helping anyone. His lips sealed and his jaw clenched. Clyde wanted to walk the entire conversation backwards and wrap his solid arms around Tweek’s tiny frame. But damage had been done and he didn’t want to make matters worse. He could learn from his mistakes, really.

“And I know words can’t change anything either… I just should have kept my mouth shut.” He stared down at his hands held loosely in front of him; he had been unconsciously reaching out for Tweek anyway. He scoffed and crossed his chest with his own arms, adopting the other man’s stance. “Sorry again, I guess.”

[katsidhe]

15.20 Final Thoughts

Supernatural is over, and somehow, despite itself, it did the very best it could to please me. That was always going to be an impossible task. But truly, sincerely, that finale was as close to my desires as the show could ever bring itself to come, and so, so much closer than I ever dreamed it would dare.

I am so, so glad that no other regular characters were involved (Bobby aside, but he was brief). How better to encapsulate their own emptiness? How fundamentally fitting, than in the epilogue to their final battle, wherein the entire world beyond them was erased, the wider universe is merely set dressing for them to move through. And it was so quiet this way. This finale wasn’t overcrowded or rushed. It kept its own peace. And it preserved the tangible claustrophobia that 15.19 invoked: that tangled, lovely, solipsistic, toxic conviction that these are the only two people on earth that matter.

It’s unclear exactly how much time passed between 15.19 and 15.20. I like to think it’s been at least a year, given that they’ve settled into routine and that their grief seems less fresh. (Although yes, the concept of Dean dying on his very first hunt without a resurrection available is hilarious, I must confess.) Their calm domesticity, their peace, was lovely to watch (Sam kicking the laundry machine! Sam with wet hair! Sam running! Sam cooking, Sam looking a little less bulky than usual, and happy!) But man, it really is Dean’s world, isn’t it? Even the DOG, which really, really, really could reasonably have been primarily Sam’s, was Dean’s dog first and foremost. Then on Dean’s say-so, they get in Dean’s car to drive to a pie festival for Dean. Sam is perfectly content to go along with all of it.

As if we hadn’t gotten enough delightful fanservice, we also got one last scene of Sam threatening to torture someone to death. :) what a king.

I love that Dean died to an OSHA violation while fighting a random loose end from season 1 (which, by the way, I CALLED IT, I am so proud of myself). It’s perfectly mundane. I truly and deeply do not understand anyone complaining that Dean should have gone out in a way that’s more epic. He’s been there, done that, guys, and remember how miserable it was? Now there’s no cosmic safety net. Dean died in a broken down old barn, saving some kids. Moments like these are when Dean is at his best, at his most fundamentally sympathetic: when he’s not trying to control the shape of the universe or dictate righteousness or let his anger drive himself down into a destructive spiral. He’s just putting his money where his mouth is. He’s not making a broad moral statement. He’s simply putting his life on the line to defend someone who needs defending. It is not an unworthy end. It’s so much better than going out to, god forbid, God.

Did Dean earn a lifetime of peace? The concept of just desserts is fraught. But I also don’t think it’s something Dean wanted. He wanted to keep killing things in tetanus-infested barns until he died. He got what he wanted. And while the arc of his wants has adapted over the years, MOTW hunting is fulfilling for him.

Dean’s deathbed speech was, oh man. It got me good. Like many of the things I loved in this episode, it was quiet. No desperation, no revising history (or not too much, anyway). Just, “stay with me, please. I love you. Tell me it’s okay.”

The quiet of Sam’s grief, alone in the bunker. How still his face is, until for a little bit it crumples again, and then it comes back and goes still. He’s not trying to control his reactions or press back against his sorrow. There is no work to do, nothing to avenge, no one to find, nothing to defeat. He is alone, and the washes of visible grief simply come and go in waves that he doesn’t try to fight or force.

I need the gif of him flinching at the toaster. His startle reactions are my favorite thing. He’s alone underground, there is not a living soul for miles and miles, he’s just buried his brother, not for the first time, but this time, he knows, for the last. And the goddamn toaster goes off and he cannot control the way his heart leaps up into his throat and the way every one of his muscles tightens.

Sam grows old. Sam. Grows old. Sam grows old! SAM GROWS OLD.

Ohhh my God, Sam grows old. Without Dean! Without hunting! Without Cas! With people outside that claustrophobic world, beyond the four tight walls of SPN, beyond the people approved by Dean and by Fandom, who give him peace and love and fulfillment! SAM GOT OUT. Even with the truly terrible wig the image brings me to actual tears. I cannot believe SPN would allow him to have this. I cannot believe that the show let him be happy without Dean. I want to read the set of novelizations about Sam’s recovery.

Of course this was the only way for Sam to get unwound, and of course it had to happen offscreen in flashes. Thank god for the ambiguity. There’s so much potential there, years and years, we were simply told: and at some point Sam’s life gets better, at some point his mental health improves and he feels safe enough to start a family, with someone, and at some point he has a child, and he dies peacefully, he dies loved and with people who love him, and dammit I’m getting weepy again.

Sam quit hunting. Not in a sudden jolt. We see him leaving the bunker on another job. But when he leaves the bunker, he leaves for good. He has so much knowledge, but he does not preserve the Men of Letters. He does not honor their legacy of extermination and experimentation. Maybe he gives someone else the keys, for the books. Or maybe he’s digitized it all, and maybe it’s done.

Maybe his wife is Eileen, or maybe it’s Amelia, or maybe it’s Piper or Cara or maybe it’s someone new. Maybe it’s not even a woman. And maybe she’s a hunter, but I hope she isn’t, and when Sam tells her, haltingly, in fits and starts, the bare outline of the truth, she looks at him and she believes him. And she understands the shape of the trauma he carries, even if Sam can’t quite speak the details, and maybe Sam goes to therapy. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he wakes in pain and fear for many years, but over time, it dulls.

Sam’s son is still a young man when Sam is on his deathbed, probably in at least his eighties. Think about the mountain Sam had to climb to reach that point. How many years and years of work did it take before Sam felt safe enough to want a child? How long for him to gently conquer his terror at the legacy his blood might carry: Lucifer and Azazel are dead, he knows this, but how long before he lets himself believe it enough to permit the risk? And then he raises his child, not in fear and loneliness, but with love and support and care. And he makes sure his son is protected, that he knows to salt his thresholds and ward against demons, but his son will not suffer the way he suffered.

Maybe he untangles his thoughts about Dean, maybe he learns that to feel angry with his brother is not to betray him or to dishonor his memory, maybe he comes to a more complex understanding of their relationship. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he simply enshrines Dean, and Dean’s memory becomes ever more golden and untarnished, and the Impala becomes truly an altar. The details of how Sam carries Dean with him—the watch, the car, the absurdly large photos, his son’s name—perhaps these are played straight, and perhaps Sam never finds a more nuanced love. In the meta sense I think we are certainly meant to think this. We are meant to see Dean deified here, canonized into a saint. We are meant to view Sam’s fifty more years of life as worship, as a dedication and an offering.

This is the long shadow of the finale. These are the things untouched by necessity and by design: this is Dean’s apology in 15.18, this is Sam not wanting an apology, and not wanting to hear Dean offer one. This difficult work was always and inevitably going to be elided. But there is so much time, decades and decades, offscreen, for Sam to come to a quieter peace.

I think he can do it.

I think Sam can do anything.

I’m crying again.

I really didn’t think I would cry much about the finale. I thought I would cry at the concept of the show ending, but not at what the ending was. I didn’t think any details would actually affect me. But then Sam got old. I am truly and genuinely hung up on the canonical image of Sam finding peace. Good god. He had GLASSES. Help.

My chief complaint (aside from that absolutely awful Carry On cover, why oh why, they should have just played the original again), if I felt at all like complaining at the moment, would be how happy this ending is. But I can’t begrudge Sam that. I can’t even get too mad at the scene that I was SO SURE I would despise: that of Sam and Dean content in a Heaven that is now apparently Great, Actually (even though a prison dimension with an open floor plan is still a prison dimension, but hey, I guess we humans can’t leave earth either). Supernatural clearly wanted Sam and Dean to not be facing down an abyssally bleak afterlife, and I think I’d be complaining about the lack of bleakness a whole lot more if it didn’t have the (perhaps unintended??) side effect of giving Sam even more freedom from Dean than SPN already deigned to give him. Sam isn’t in a shared cell with Dean. He can be with his friends and his wife and his son.

One of the fundamental questions of SPN is, would Dean ever let Sam go? And it’s a question that the bulk of s13-15 has rendered moot with Sam’s growing passivity, and one that 15.20 neatly dodged. And I’m glad it did, because I wouldn’t have liked whatever 15.20 had to say on the matter. This deflection feels true to the spirit of what the show has become.

It was impossible for Sam to find peace while Dean was still alive. And on its own that kind of says everything, doesn’t it? And Sam is still forever denied the peace he truly longed for. Sam didn’t want death to force Dean’s hand. Sam wanted Dean to want to let him go. But the only way Sam and Dean could heal is apart. The potential of their relationship on earth becoming untangled is forever precluded, explictly. And yet Sam’s freedom is validated, Sam is allowed what he sought in season 1 and season 8, Sam is something beyond a hunter and Dean’s brother, and the show let him be, the show let him grow.

Supernatural said Sam Rights, and the world shook.

[gayspock]

you mentioned in some of your tags that you don’t know what the fanon/general fandom opinions were. from what I’ve seen (I’m also a new fan) vi/caitlyn is pretty big (my guess would be because of how blatant it is), however, with...idk how to put this? average LOL fans think it was rushed and don’t like it. tumblr, of course, is into it tho. jayce/viktor is also huge. a lot of people seem to resonate with jinx and silco’s familial relationships. I’ve also seen a lot of people in the fandom not recognize the ableism in Viktor’s arc, which is worrying. if you don’t care to spoil yourself on where these character’s arcs will go in future seasons, I suggest you look up the LOL lore of: vi, ekko, viktor, and jayce. some are just...a slap to the face. anyways, have a good day/evening.

OHH okay omg (nods) tysm for a brief little insight, bc i was looking in the tag a little but it feels like tumblr's tag algorithm is a lot worse thn wht it was even before. unless the fanbase on here is smaller than wht i thought or sth HELP OK lemme dump this reply under a read more bc im rambly pjhpsrgjssfpgs

but a lot of tht hm? i THINK thats just about wht i expected - so no big surprises.

i dont blame the average LOL fans- a sentence i never thought i'd say skpgjsp - bc i can deffo see a lot of the places where it was like..eh. yknow. i said it myself. it feels a little undercooked in some places, and seemed more paced to keep it fast and snappy. like they kinda like they really could have spent more time on a lot of things- and so i presume tht'd be rllly frustrating if u were deeper into the pre-existing lore.

then regarding these little guys.... yeh i think i heard abt vi/caitlyn bein p big. :3 i still stnd by not rlly giving a damn (HELP, thats said with love i prommy)- but you kno nonetheless im happy tht ppl are enjoying a wlw relationship..... like its good they arent being sidelined by ppl. even if im not into tht scene i'll just nod from a distance.

BUT, THOUGH DO YOU KNOW WHATS SO, SO FUNNY? like ok. viktor and jayce obviously, like, occurred to me- but i also just kinda. kept pushing it to the back of my head? does that make any sense? like- jesus like. WELL DUH THEY'D HAVE SOME TUMBLR GIRLIES GOING WILD... silly me... and its like i feel like i sorta figured tht'd be going down, but it was in my peripherals out of clear sight HELP. wasnt helped by the fsct they kept separating the besties in the latter half- which i mean, obviously tht was bc of them drifting away frome ach other and stuff, but oh sniff sniff im emo nonetheless bc i rlly loved their relationship... 💖 LIKE i think its just in my head i kkinda just . i have no idea i never labelled them as anything i just kept jokingly mentally referring to viktor as his little bestie with a heart above the i, keeping them fun an ambiguous whilst medara gets her shit rock'd by him HELP PGJS[0JDH[PGKBPSD.

but also, on the subject of viktor- ah... yeah. :/ i wasnt sure if tht'd be sth tht'd be talked abt and.... the more it rlly became apparent, the more i hoped it wouldnt just be glossed over but . also ik tht happens a lot with things like this. god. i do hope tht those conversations are had at some point, more openly- like,granted im probs not gonna be knocking abt the communities on here tht much (and even if i was, im not sure how much i could really input into that?!) but yeah. thats a shame. 3:

and hm.... you know i might look into it. just bc theres some guys here im GENUINELY pretty into and idk if the show itself will fully give them their dues, even if it doesnt diverge- bc im INTERESTED... i love viktor. and ekko. and vi. sooo badly. and im super curious abt jayce. so help. i might go spoil myself now (bc in truth ive never been tht mad abt spoilers irpdgphjdhj and idk how much it counts here anyways).

THANK U FOR THE LITTLE THOUGHTS ANON. ITS NICE TO HAVE ANY JUMPING OFF POINTS TO CHATTER AWAY. i will have a good ... norning... <3 its like 2am here omg

[drowningbydegrees]

Fanfic Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @lokibus! <3 <3 <3

How many works do you have on Ao3?

54. I've written quite a bit more, but I just can't be bothered to carry over most of the fics from my LJ days. Also, once upon a time I had a super insecure streak and I went on an orphaning spree, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What’s your total Ao3 word count?

Apparently 457,241! Kinda same as above.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Though I Try Not To (The Witcher)

I'm so weirdly pleased about this. I fell into Witcher fandom totally by accident. I don't usually do fixit fics, but I couldn't help myself. This is, I think, the only fic to date where I've started posting as a WIP and actually followed through and finished.

Where All Roads Lead (MCU)

If there is one plot device I'm just eternally a sucker for, it's time travel shenanigans. This was one of the two time travely fics I wrote for Stucky fandom.

For The Space of a Heartbeat (The Witcher)

I'm honestly really surprised by this? This was totally just a self indulgent spur of the moment kinda thing, and it's only a couple thousand words.

Even in the Dark I Know You (The Witcher)

Okay, I lied. There were two WIPs I actually followed through and finished. This started as a random oneshot for a whump week thing, and then the prompt for the next day fit so well with a follow up chapter that this just turned into a whole story. I really enjoy subverting tropes and with witcher biology I see a lot of sensory overload kinds of fics, so I decided to play with the idea in reverse.

Even if it Hurts (Even if it Makes Me Bleed) (The Witcher)

So, most of the time when I settle into a fandom, there's one fic idea that I feel like I cannot leave without writing. For Witcher fandom, this was that fic. I have a lot of complicated thoughts about soulmates as a romantic concept, even more so when you're involving characters like Geralt, for whom fate is so often a double edged sword. This story was very much an excuse to dig into what soulmates mean for personal agency under the guise of a narrative. XD

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Admittedly, I do this with embarrassing inconsistency. Basically, what happens is: * Something gets a good response. * I respond to a few comments and then find myself overwhelmed (mentally, not as in there are a truly overwhelming number of comments). * I step away for a bit. * A month later I realize I still haven't replied. Cue paralyzing indecision about whether it's too late to reply. * Rinse and repeat.

I do want to! And I'm working on it. I've gotten a little better about it, but my apologies to anyone who I haven't responded to. Please know I'm not intentionally ignoring you. ;_;

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Oh hmm. I had a reputation for a really long time as primarily an angst writer, but pretty much all my stories have a happy ending for some given quantity of happy. I guess it kind of depends on how one qualifies that.

Noonwraiths and Other Woodland Forest Creatures maybe. It's got a got a pretty fluffy ending.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It's a tossup.

I, The Paradox, which is my other time travel fic from my Stucky fandom days, with a paradox (shocking) that lands Steve with two versions of Bucky. For plot purposes even! It's not a particularly smutty story. It ends sort of ambiguously. There's a sequel outlined that was meant to resolve said ambiguity, but alas, it's still sitting in my WIP folder.

Truth in the Periphery. It's a psychological horror story I wrote for an event. I think it's the only fanfic I've ever written that was really intended as a hurt/no comfort kind of story.

Do you write crossovers?

I haven't, but not because I specifically don't. I've just never had an idea that felt compelling enough to follow through on.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Maaaaybe once or twice a long, long, long time ago, back when FFN was still the best option for posting outside of LiveJournal. I don't think it was even about the writing. I think it was someone was mad that my much younger self tried to sneak smut onto FFN.

Do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I have such a love/hate relationship with smut in my own work. I used to write it a lot because I felt like I had to. It was until I came to terms with being more or less ace irl that it occurred to me why I didn't enjoy writing it. Weirdly, I like reading it just fine.

The thing is, while I don't really care for the physical aspect of it, I like the emotional touchpoints of it, so I do still write smut sometimes. It just tends to be a little cursory in terms of action details and heavy on character dynamics.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. But I used to RP a lot, and it's always been a lot of fun, so I wouldn't be opposed to the idea!

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh shoot. From a romantic standpoint that varies so much depending on what fandom I'm currently feeling enthusiastic about. It's pretty much always a specific character that draws me to a fandom, so I think the most consistent ship I have is favorite character/unconditional love and support. XD

What’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The sequel to I, The Paradox I mentioned earlier.

What are your writing strengths?

If there's one thing I feel like I have a consistently good handle on, it's emotional impact. I put a lot of thought into why people make the choices they do and how they relate to each other, and I would like to think I'm reasonably adept at leading readers to the emotional response I'm going for.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. I'm just forever in awe of people who can just write settings/action naturally. It's a constant effort for me, and it's the thing I always feel like I fall short on. I can write navel gazing in my sleep, but an action scene? Pfftttt.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Very situational. Kind of like in movies and television. I don't have any kind of always x or y opinion on it though.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha. It was back when I didn't have a computer of my own and would write at the library, so the only record of it was the site I used to draft and post to that is now defunct. No one is happier about this than I am. 😂

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I think I'm genuinely pretty proud of everything I've written in the last couple of years, but if I had to pick right now, it'd be It Doesn't Break But it Bends. It's a time loop fic. Someone left "Recommended but you will sob." as their bookmark note for it and I think that might be my crowning achievement in fandom.

Tagging (if you want!): @mikkeneko @goodheavensgwen @writinglizards @plotdesigner And anyone else who wants to <3

[chookity-dookity]

THE HIDDEN LIGHT

A lot happened to our characters in this episode--the key word there being to. They were kidnapped, questioned, and generally bossed around--whether by Arachnitects, KVNs, or mad scientists--but didn’t actually end up doing all that much. With few exceptions, they were denied the opportunity to make their own decisions. Instead, they were propelled ever onward by the demands of the plot.

That’s not such a bad thing. Most stories are not purely character-driven. But it’s a bit hard to get emotionally invested in a character’s story when they have so little influence on what’s going on. “The Hidden Light” wasn’t a bad episode, but it was a pretty forgettable one. It felt more like an extended set up than its own story, carefully moving pieces into place and dutifully advancing the plot.

So. Let’s talk about plot.

THE SHIP The acquisition of a replacement ship is probably the biggest plot development in this episode. In many ways, it was a return to the S1 status quo. It kind of makes me wonder why we even bothered with the Crimson Light and HUE-the-garbage-bot in S2. But I’m not complaining--I think the S1 formula was a lot more effective, and I’m glad we’re returning to it.

The reveal that Nightfall made the arrangements for the ship was an interesting one for sure, and I’m not quite sure what to think of it yet. In some ways, it seems at odds with her S2 characterization. Why would she have set this plan into motion? None of the other timelines ever progressed to this point. But perhaps there will be future revelations about Nightfall that will put this all into perspective. I’m raising my eyebrows, but I’ll withhold judgement for now.

THE OTHER SHIP Olan has sworn up and down that this season will be the one that gets people who were skeptical about the Gary/Quinn relationship to finally like it. And I, contrarian that I am, find myself feeling the exact opposite. As much as Gary’s stalkerish behavior in S1 was uncomfortable, he and Quinn had a nice rapport by the end of it. And it never felt like she was just his love interest--she was her own character with her own motivations, and she was the primary driver of the main plot.

But this entire episode was framed from Gary’s perspective. I mean that in a quite literal sense. Not only does the story follow Gary when he’s separated from Quinn, but the literal animation is focused on Gary’s point-of-view. He gets more closeup and extreme closeup shots than Quinn does. When she reacts to something, he’s often in the frame with her--but not the reverse. He gets more reaction shots overall, and the ultimate effect is that Quinn’s feelings take a back seat to Gary’s. It’s a bit of a letdown, especially after we were told that this season would be particularly focused on Quinn.

NEW CHARACTERS On a related note, I can’t help but notice that in the last few episodes we’ve lost two female characters and replaced them with three male ones. (Quatronostro’s gender is a bit ambiguous, but for the time being at least we seem to be treating them as a man.) And this is probably my single biggest concern about S3. The near-total absence of female characters was a real flaw in S1, and female representation was one of the few improvements S2 actually made. But here, it feels like much of that progress has been reversed. Not only are female characters still playing second fiddle to Gary and the Catos, now we’ve traded in Jane Lynch for yet another catman. Talk about adding insult to injury.

ATTACK ON TITAN Meanwhile, Bolo is apparently on a mission to kill all the Titans. While all his scenes so far have been cool as hell, we still don’t know that much about his story. Does he have a plan beyond just getting revenge? And what’s the deal with the other Titans, anyway? This is one plotline that could definitely use some fleshing out. I feel like this episode would have been better served by making this the B-plot and relegating Team Avocato to the next episode. Speaking of which...

ARACHNITECTS How sad is it that we introduced three new Arachnitects only to immediately kill them off? RIP, my dudes. I hope you are avenged next week.

[firehananas]

Writing Commentary - 2021 edition

I used to do this before on my ffnet account (in French) but I think this could be more interesting to post it here. To have a back trail, you know.

Note most of the fanfic are in French.

Amont of works publish this year: 8

Fandoms:

* Tenkuu Shinpan (2+1 translation)

* March Comes In Like a Lion (1)

* Pokémon (2)

* Assassination Classroom (1)

* Forgotton Anne (1)

* Angels of Death (1)

Ongoing (total): 11 Complete (this year): 2 (+1 translation)

This is the first time I try to write in English (all my thanks to rdfa (she’ll recognized herself)). I’m still nervous about it but, well, if you never try you’ll never be good, right?

It’s also my first time writing in the “x reader” genre. If you try to not give gender or use the “y/n” stuff, I find it quite stimulating and engaging (otherwise, I tend to think it’s pretty useless to put descriptive such as e/c or whatever. Like, what’s the point. I know what kind of color my eyes are, I don’t need you author to made me think of it. Be honest and says it’s an OC, nobody will be mad). Anyway, that’s fun and not as easy as you can think in first glance.

I try two different things — two with the classical second point of view, one with the third point of view. Two out of three were gendered female because self-fanservice I suppose.

Made also some translations - one of my own writing (Midnight Still <=> Minuit s’éternise [Tenkuu Shinpan]) and it was very interesting how to stay ambiguous on the gender, because French loved to gender every stupid thing in the world. I loved to subvert it. Fuck gender. Incredibly surprise and “disappointed” of the popularity they get tho. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing people enjoying my writing! But I’m disappointed because it’s not something I’m particular proud of and I wish other stuffs I made was this popular. But, it can’t be help! That’s just how it is. Once I would finish Anges [Dé]chus saga, I don’t think I’ll come back to “x reader” again. 

Speaking of gender, I started Autumn’s naps [March comes in Like a Lion] which features my very first nonbinary protagonist OC, Kotone. It’s not apparent yet, but’ll be more explicit later on. Poor Kotone, they’s lost in the city for months now; I promise they’ll find their way at one point and second chapter will be fully publish. I also need to update the link on my tumblr, I swear I think of it each time I open the app ufeziutg It’s supposed to be short multi-chapter fics, and everything is written for the red line. Just need to put some form. Light hearted kid fic with terminal illness, family, friends to lover and growing up thematic. I try to stay close to the MCLL spirit. And in case you miss it, it’s in ✨English✨

Which leads to the others works I publish this year.

Terre-à-Terre : Ash’s Planet for the anniversary of Pokémon Diamond & Pearl and the remake (who completely sucks if you didn’t know btw, I’m crying bitter tears but at least I didn’t buy it) who promise to be a goddamn long fic (three parts of ~30 chapters). My goal here is to write a believable and not too much annoying love triangle between an OC/Commander Saturn/Mars, after the fall of Team Galactic. Saturn thinks everyone is an idiot, but he knows deep down he is the biggest fool. Curse, nobody take the Team Galactic seriously except when they do, atonement, rehabilitation and of course romance themes. Mostly canon-compliant and a bunch of OC grunts.

Noces Funèbres [Angels of Death] is suppose to be short (2 or 3 chapters), but it was taking dust in my pc so I need to work on it. I’m honestly very surprise of the warm received it gets, especially for something written in French. So I better not letting it died (ahah). A deviation if Rachel escapes from Danny without the help of Zack and meets Eddie. Canon dark themes, ambiguous relationship between Eddie and Rachel.

Sans peur et sans reproche is a parody/pastiche of fantasy and shonen genre with the settle of Pokémon. I have other thing to write right now so I’m not currently working on it, but I wanted to see what people would think about it. For now, nothing much but hey, who knows in the futur? Medium fic, I hope. Family, friendship and epic battles are excepted. Featuring talking Pokémon.

A fic “p/rn with plot” also that is not finish yet, but I won’t go in the detail. Honestly, it’s not really easy to write sm/ut, I can’t help myself but find it stupidly narm. Shouldn’t be long either — 6 chapters max.

A character study with Balles Perdues [Forgotton Anne]. I’m thinking about making a translation when I’ll have time. Magnum is a very interesting character and I’m a little sadden there is just me who had make something for him. Angst, mourning, death themes. Heavy spoilers too, and inspired by my own let’s play.

Still ongoing but didn’t really write for them this year:

* Le Dragon de Cristal [Eldarya]: I’m stuck at the chapter where Leiftan is supposed to met Erika and Ashkore; I’ve no idea how to make it right yet. * La princesse et le Sorcier de la forteresse [Hetalia]: Each year, I said I’ll finish it. Each year, I open the document of the fic, read it, and forget about it. Maybe next year? * True Self or Trust Yourself [Pokémon]: I really love this fic, but I need to read it and correct it. And I should make a real red line — like written on a doc and not mental note that I’ll without a doubt forget. * Le Baron Rouge : Autodafé [Pokémon]: This fic is so dark and depressing that I couldn’t work on it this year without feeling super awful. I hope I’ll be in better mood next year, because I think it’s one of the best thing I have ever write. (Also thinking about changing the title?)

Thinking to deleted: 

* Deux fleurs jaunes [Hetalia & Ib]: I have said long ago I’ve gave it up, but I’m thinking about making definitely gone. I really dislike having unfinished stuff on my profile... * Anima : le Souffle [Harry Potter & Hetalia]: Between my growing disinterest in Hetalia and JK being unquestionably a TERF, I no longer want to write for it anymore. Which is a shame, I have think about this fic for years... but well. I’ll probably deleted it soon.

Coming Soon (if it’s not out already):

* Spider Lilies (crawling in our skulls) [Tenkuu Shinpan]: Basically, canon deviation where Kuon meets Yoshida and Rika prioritizes rejoining his sister instead of helping people. Will your faves survive? Make your debt! Will maybe have a sequel, and it’s in ✨English✨ (probably followed by a French translation)

Also, I have a memoire to do this year so I don’t know how much present I’ll be in 2022. We’ll see!

[bitletsanddrabbles]

WIP Wednesday

So apparently my brain has decided that Island of the Gays by @alex51324 is going to be my crack and chocolate for the rest of the year. Of course, this being my brain, it may well change my mind next week and go charging off in a different direction all together, but for now it’s pelting me with ideas, one or two of which have stuck.

This is a bitlet from the one I started today. While I normally try to keep Thomas ambiguously married to whoever-the-reader-pleases, for this one I needed his beau to have an identity. I went with Richard for plot reasons. He’s not in this snippet.

“Is that you, Mr. Barrow?”

Thomas paused, having just shut the door behind him. “It is. Good evening to you, Lord Hexham.”

“And to you as well,” the other man returned, crossing the remaining distance between them and drawing to a stop directly in front of Thomas. “I’d actually hoped to catch you before you left. Do you mind if I walk you home?”

“Not at all.” There was a time when he’d have been surprised at the other man seeking him out, particularly. However, Lord Hexham had learned long ago that when it came to the Beacon’s finances, it was best to approach Thomas or Richard first. Between the two of them they could normally talk Kit into seeing reason in relatively short order. Figuring that there was some budgeting issue, Thomas turned his feet toward home. “What’s on your mind?”

Lord Hexham fell into pace behind him. “I’ve a bit of a personal favor to ask, actually. Of you and Richard both.” He paused, then gave a little half laugh. “Dashed embarrassing, really, and I shall quite understand if you tell me to go soak my head.”

Thomas gave him a sideways glance. The poor lighting rather obscured his face, but his posture was a bit more withdrawn than normal. “I can’t imagine what you’d ask that would make me tell you that,” he said, quite honestly. The years had proven the other man to be quite kind and surprisingly conscientious, for a toff. Oh, he had all of the normal upper crust traits - no idea how things really worked, an impression that money could solve all ills, that sort of thing. However, once you pointed out to him the reality of a situation, he didn’t fuss, and he was more than willing to learn. They’d even shown him how to operate the printing press, in case he ever needed to know how. He hadn’t, but Thomas appreciated the show of willingness.

“Yes, well, hopefully we’re not about to find out.” There was a pause, a sigh, and the other man started his request. “You see, back in September I received word that my cousin is getting married. My favorite cousin, as it turns out.” He paused again and added, “That is to say the only cousin who is actually pleased to claim the relationship.”

Thomas understood that one. Allies, of any sort, were something the island prized above gold.

“At any rate, he invited Victor and I to come.”

“Both of you?” That was a surprise.

Even in the darkness, he could see hte other man’s smile. “Yes, well, you can see why he’s my favorite. At any rate, it was easy enough to say yes back then, but now that the date is drawing near, I confess, I’m growing nervous. I’ve not had much to do with the rest of the aristocracy since the war, you see, and when I have it was always in my territory, not theirs.”

Thomas could appreciate the problem. After five years on the island, the idea of going back to England and facing the real world head on was daunting. Mrs. Hughes had become a regular correspondent, to his surprise and pleasure, so he was still in touch with the realities of the mainland, beyond what was covered in the paper, but he was still quite content to live apart from it for the rest of his life, thank you. Come to think of it, Lady Edith was supposed to be getting married this month too. Perhaps he should send a card. “What is your cousin’s title, if I may ask?”

“Estate agent.” They were moving into the side streets now, so it was entirely too dark to see expressions, but the smile was still evident in Lord Hexham’s voice. “Oh, he’s my heir as well, but with luck he’ll If it weren’t for him keeping everything under control at home, I wouldn’t be able to avoid everyone else. So you see, I’m quite indebted to him and would be the worst sort of coward if I let the prospect of dealing with my peers scare me off.”

“I can see that, yes,” Thomas frowned. There was something that wasn’t adding up here. “But how many peers are going to be at the wedding of an estate agent, even if he is your heir?” And what on earth did it have to do with him?

“That’s the thing,” Lord Hexham continued, a tension in his voice that suggested they were drawing near the heart of the matter. “He’s marrying a bit above his station. Not too high, mind. The second daughter of an Earl. In fact, I’ve been told you know her. Lady Edith Crawley?”

The name caught him completely off balance. “Oh. Blimey. So that’s who she’s marrying, then?” Mrs. Hughes hadn’t given him many details, only that the wedding was to be the end of the year and from what she knew of the groom he was a nice, dependable young man. There had been some unpleasantness with Lady Mary back when they’d first become engaged, apparently, and the whole thing had been called off for a time, but now it was back on and everyone was scrambling like mad to be ready. That was all. He supposed that after Lady Sybil had run off with the chauffeur he shouldn’t be surprised by Lady Edith marrying an estate agent.

“It is. Which brings me to my request.” The other man took a deep breath and charged ahead, “You see, while I love Victor dearly and value his support in this, I would like to have as many people on my side in this as possible and preferably someone who knows the lay of the land, as it were.”

Uncertain he was actually hearing this, Thomas repressed a laugh. “You want me to come with you?”

“If you’re willing,” Lord Hexham confirmed. “And Mr. Ellis as well, of course. I had thought that, for the time we’re at Downton at least, the two of you might pose as our valets? Victor’s and mine? As I said, I understand that this is asking quite a lot and will not fault you if you tell me to go soak my head.”

[jcisthebestfightme]

BJYX Song #8: Brother and Sister

BJYX Song Series List

Disclaimer: My own speculations only.

So after two very sweet songs from gg, we’re back to dd. Dd, why are all your song so sad? Even though we see dd very happy with gg all the time, the songs he chose all reflect his insecurities, especially with age and gender. 

The song I want to talk about today is “Brother and Sister” by Easen Chen, one of dd’s favorite artist that he listen to since he was young. Even though the title says “brother” and “sister”, which implies a guy and a girl, on Baidu Baike (Chinese Wikipedia), it says that this song describe a love so pure, it even exceeds gender. It says “它甚至可以是同性的爱情” which translate to “it can even be love between two people of the same gender.” The lyrics is written by a man that’s famous in the Chinese music world for his sexuality and writing songs that speaks about unrequited love in homosexual relationships. 

This song was listed on the top of his song list when it was displayed during the ttxs episode that gg was there for. Since the events of Bombology, we know that dd tried really hard to get gg on the show and was mad at him for almost not coming. This allow people to speculate that dd is showing gg this song list, which was full of sad love songs, in order to convey to him his feelings of sadness and insecurities in their relationship. I think that they may be songs dd listen to when ggdd had a period of separation after the filming of CQL when gg wanted to get out of character and figure out how they can be together in the future. I think dd is using this as an opportunity to let gg know how much pain he was in back then. You obviously wouldn’t go up to the person you’re dating now and be like “hey listen to these songs I listen to when we were on a break.” And since he was already pissed from gg’s almost in-attendance, he may be using this to get some attention. We know from gg’d reaction that this is the first time he saw this song list or songs similar to this style from dd. When the list was first shown, he was like “What? This is your song list?” And then later, he asked again, “Is this really your song list? I feel like it’s wrong.” (summarizing) Dd then responded that he has many different song lists. So gg was surprise to see this side of dd. Dd likes to act proud and strong so he probably rarely show his vulnerable side to gg, especially when it’s about their relationship.

The backstory of the song already tells us that we can interpret “brother” and “sister” to also be between two “brothers.” If anything, I think this is the song that directly refute anyone that likes to say ggdd’s relationship is friendly, just like brothers. If you watch the music video of this song, it’s actually about the homosexual relationship between two girls. 

對我好　對我好　好到無路可退 ([You’re] nice to me, nice to me, to a point of no return)

可是我也很想　有個人陪 (But I also really want, to have someone to accompany me)

才不願把你得罪 (So I’m unwilling to upset you)

The first line uses repetition to emphasize how “nice” the other person is over and over again. We can see that gg also treats dd this way, creating a safe space to allow dd to be himself and not getting mad at dd when he’s being stubborn. I’ve analyze before in “If I were a song” that this is the way gg show love to dd and this is the way he thinks he can best love dd. However, I never thought about how dd feels about this. This first line tells us that maybe dd can misinterpret it? He knows gg is being nice and loving to him but it actually makes him feel insecure. Is gg being nice because he treats me like a child? Just like family? Is he just a nice person? 

The line “to a point of no return” tells us that dd is completely head over heels for gg, which most of us can see with our own eyes. Here, we learn he know so himself. He knows gg is nice to him and he knows he likes gg. But wants more than that. He was gg to “accompany” him. “Accompany” here means someone to spend eternity with. Dd is saying he desire to never let go of gg. If we assume that he’s speaking about the period where they were on a break in late 2018, then dd is super insecure about where his future with gg is. They spent an entire summer being in an ambiguous flirtatious stage, that may or may have developed into an early relationship. But then gg left him and he feels really hurt. He want to hold gg close forever but he can’t because he loves him too much. That’s why he’s “unwilling to upset” gg. We can see from their interactions and the song “Nan Hai” that dd is actually the one that’s more self-abased and less confident in the relationship. He’s so afraid of not being to provide for gg.

於是那麼迂迴 (So we walk in circles)

一時進　一時退　保持安全範圍 (Sometimes we move forward, sometimes we move back, we stay in the safe zone)

This part of the song talks about how ggdd was during that ambiguous state. They push and pull, testing each other to see how far they can take their relationship. The word “進 (forward)” and “退 (backwards)” before? Yes, they were the same motifs as in “If I were young.” In “If I were young,” knowing when to move forward and backwards show maturity. But here, it’s telling us that even though knowing these limits show maturity, it’s also very painful to be stuck in the ambiguity. For someone as young and straightforward as dd, he must be in a lot of agony. But because of his gender and age, I think dd feels like he must endure this because he can’t be as straightforward as a more socially acceptable romantic pursuit.

這個陰謀讓我　好慚愧 (This scheme makes me ashamed)

享受被愛滋味　卻不讓你想入非非 (Enjoying the feeling of being loved, but won’t let you get what you want)

We can feel dd’s agony in this stage. But instead of making himself the victim, he’s actually blaming himself for “enjoying the feeling of being loved” too much. It’s almost as if he feels like he doesn’t deserve this love he has with gg so every moment he has with him, it’s godsent. This explains why dd is so self-abased in this relationship. He feels “ashamed” for wanting more from the relationship so he’s unwilling to let go and allow gg to “do whatever he wants” because he’s scared that maybe what gg wants is just friendship or brotherhood. 

就讓我們虛偽 (Let’s be fake)

The word “fake” here has many layers. Because CQL is a BL drama, many people often accuse ggdd as being fake in their relationship as a form of queer-baiting for promoting the show and gaining popularity. So I think the “let’s be fake” can hit too close home for dd because he doesn’t want to have to sell out his relationship with gg but at the same time, if he can use this excuse to be close to gg, should he? This goes the same for their roles as WWX and LWJ. They could use their “fake” persona who are two lovers as an excuse to be lovey-dovey with each other without ever revealing their feelings. We know from all the interviews how much dd wants to separate himself from LWJ but gg during filming sees himself as WWX so dd also struggles with using LWJ as an excuse to get close gg. 

有感情　別浪費 (Have feelings, shouldn’t be wasted)

This line is basically giving in to his desire. Dd knows that true “feelings” exist between them and for someone as ambitious as he is, he won’t let any opportunity “go to waste”. We can see from how determined he is about dancing, motorcycle, skateboard, etc. that he would not let anything go. This is also true about his feelings for gg, at least that’s what he wants. However, there is a lot more insecurity when it comes to love and so while dd wants to grab on like he does with his hobbies, part of him is also afraid to move forward.

不能相愛的一對 (Two people that can’t love each other)

親愛像兩兄妹 (Emotionally close like brother and sister)

This goes back to the theme in all of dd’s songs that talks about not being able to be together because of gender and age. Here, even though we’ve established previously that genuine feelings exist, they “can’t” love each other and have to settle for being “brothers.” I think the label of “brothers” is also particularly agonizing for dd because that’s how homophobia in China like to wash homosexual relationship, for example saying that Wangxian’s relationship is just brotherly. So if ggdd can’t be lovers, being “brothers” would be socially acceptable relationship for them.

愛讓我們虛偽 (Love allow us to be fake/hypocritical)

The relationship feels fake because it’s not exactly what dd genuinely wants. They use their roles as actors and Wangxian’s relationship to cover up a lot of their feelings for each other. 

我得到　於事無補的安慰 (What I gain is useless comfort)

你也得到模仿愛上一個人的機會 (What you gain is the chance to imitate falling in love with someone)

This echos the first line of the song that gg gives dd a lot of care. But the “comfort” is “useless” because no matter how much gg gives, if they’re not honest about their relationship, dd’s heart will always have a gaping hole that the comfort can never fill. Since dd is uncertain of what gg feels, all he sees is gg acting like he’s liking someone so that’s why it feels like gg is just “imitating” the act of falling in love. We know now that gg does love him but when you’re in a fog of ambiguous relationship, you can never be sure if the other person is in love with love or in love with you.

殘忍也不失慈悲 (It’s brutal but still have mercy)

這樣的關係你說　多完美 (This kind of relationship, won’t you say it’s wonderful?)

These two lines have a tone of mockery. The oxymoron of “brutal” and “mercy” paints the push and pull relationship they were in during filming and the up and down dd must have felt when they were on a break. We know dd is a very blunt person and doesn’t like to beat around the bush. So for him to be in this state, it must be agonizing, painful, and “brutal” so the word “wonderful” is definitely mockery. 

眼看你　看著我　看得那麼曖昧 (Look at you, looking at me, looking so “ai mei”)

被愛愛人原來一樣可悲 (Being loved and loving someone apparently is equally pitiful)

I purposefully didn’t translate “ai mei” because to me, there is no good English word for it. It describe an ambiguous state before dating when you’re flirty yet uncertain. When we watch the CQL bts, “ai mei” is the pink flurry bubbles we see between ggdd. Here, the song perfectly describes that state during filming. It also uses “eyes” and “looking” to describe this “ai mei” between ggdd because the most obvious sign of ggdd liking each other in my opinion is the way they look at each other, whether as Wangxian or as themselves. But the next line tells us that while it seems pink and fluffy from outsiders, it’s actually “pitiful” that that’s all they can have, for both parties. I think here dd thinks the’s the one that is “loving someone” and gg is the one that’s “being loved”, establishing an unequal position between them. But I think that they love each other equally and that dd was just too in a mist to see it.

為什麼竟然防備　別人給我獻媚 (Why guard? The flattery others give me)

不能推　不能要　要了怕你誤會 (Can’t deny, can’t want, I worry if I want you will misunderstand)

讓我想起曾經　愛過誰　我所要的她不給 (Let me be reminded of a person I used to love, and she didn’t love me back)

好像小偷一樣卑微 (I was just as pitiful as a thief)

The “can’t deny, can’t want” echos the beating around the bush feeling. You can feel the ambiguous tension in this verse. The song talks about another girl that the singer used to love that didn’t love them back. Here, I’m going to assume that dd just empathize with the feeling and not take it literally. The line “as pitiful as a thief” really breaks my heart. Dd must have felt like the love he was receiving didn’t really belong to him and that every moment he was bask in it, he was being greedy.

The actual plot of the whole song is about a girl liking the singer and the singer didn’t like her back but still enjoy the ambiguous situation they were in. My own head cannon for this song is that for dd, he empathize more with the pain of the push and pull described in the song more than the plot. He’s unsure where his relationship with gg stand. If he listen to this song during late 2018 when they barely contact, he must’ve been using this ambiguous pain to describe the relationship they had during summer 2018. It may’ve been sweet but dd was always in a state of fear of loss. And since he wasn’t in contact with gg, he is also afraid that gg will come back and say they should just be “brothers.” “Brotherhood” must be one of the most painful definition for ggdd because during their interviews in summer 2019, they always refer to each other as “friends” (or “like friends”) and rarely ever use “brothers” because “friends” can imply “best friends” and “boyfriend” but “brothers” can only ever be platonic.  

This song was as agonizing to analyze as it was to listen to. But it’s such a beautiful piece. It’s actually really hard not to let my own emotion get to my analysis haha. I will pick something happier for my next one, probably gg’s view again. 

Also, happy birthday, dd! This is the 8th song to represent you. The music video also have them celebrating a cake. I hope you have move away from pain and are celebrating with loved ones <3

[jcogginsawriter]

Hand to Hand: Mark Waid’s Flash

I have been a fan of comic book characters for a long time. I started with the cartoons, and as I got older, I began doing deep dives into wikis, reading fanfiction, and participating in that shallowest of internet past times, the vs debate. I dabbled in writing fanfic for myself, but I spent far more time thinking about writing fanfic instead. I would come up with all these ideas about what I would take from the various different versions of the characters, and don’t get me started on the idea of Crossovers.     The point is, I knew a lot of what happened in the comics, but I never read many comics. I didn’t know where my local comic shop was, and even if I did, I wouldn’t have had the money to spend on them. The comics that I did read were usually fan translations of manga. I did read a few comics, big name stories like Death of Superman or Crisis on Infinite Earths, but they were few and far between.

Recently, I’ve begun to change that. I now follow several comics as they come out, most notably the current X-line. This change sprang in part because I began reading a lot more comics criticism. In particular, I followed the blog of a certain Superman fan, and began to eagerly digest his various takes. I wanted to be able to ask him questions about new comics without looking like an idiot (This is how 90 percent of my interactions on comics twitter go, BTW) and that was a kick in the pants for me.

After getting into a steady habit, I decided to look into reading some of the classic runs I’d read so much about throughout life. To go from knowing them second hand, to knowing them first hand. After a bit of hemming and hawing, I’ve settled on Mark Waid’s legendary run of Flash Comics to start off with.

(Spoiler Warning for some 30 year old comics, by the way)

As of this writing, I have read up to the final issue of his story arc Dead Heat, wherein Wally does battle with the speed cultist Savitar. Before we get into things like plot and characters, I want to discuss the art, because no discussion of comic books is really complete without talking about the art. Unfortunately, the art in this run hasn’t done much for me, but that’s not really it’s fault. I read this comics in manner that they were not created to be read, digitally and zoomed in. These comics were drawn with physical issues in mind, and I don’t doubt that they’re good in that format. It also doesn’t help that I’ve read far more manga than I have American comics. American comics have never clicked with me the way manga does. Even now, I still find the layout of manga more legible than the layout of an American comic. That’s not a value judgment, it’s just my personal experience.

I do distinctly recall thinking that the art was better up to issue #79 (The conclusion to the Return of Barry Allen storyline), than it was after. I prefer the less exaggerated character designs, and lighter inks, though it could very well be a case of me having gotten used to the initial style and not liking the change. One thing that thing I can say about the art is that it helped me grasp how Wally’s costume differed from Barry’s. Before this, I was incapable of separating them in my mind, but seeing them side by side made it clear to me how different Wally’s Costume was colored and shaded.

Now, onto the writing of the run, we’ll start with the lead, Wally West. My previous touchstone for Wally was the Justice League series from the DCAU, which I watched a lot as a kid. The Wally in these comics comes off as more serious that his DCAU incarnation. Not too serious, he still cracks jokes, but he’s more on the ball. He takes his adventures as seriously as any hero would, rather than the more carefree attitude I recall his DCAU version having. This is not unsurprising, Wally here is the lead whereas there he was part of an ensemble cast, and here we get his internal monologue which gives us a much more thorough sense of his headspace. Not to mention, the DCAU version was voiced, so we know with no ambiguity what tone his dialogue’s in. In text, tone is more up to interpretation.

Perhaps the biggest thing that set Comic Wally apart from DCAU Wally is that the Wally in the comic was more consistently angry and frustrated. While his DCAU incarnation had hidden depths, I can’t recall a time when he got seriously angry. This Wally is frequently irritated, usually by things which are enitrely understandable. On occasion, his irritability causes him to be rougher with the bad guys than he could be, and that feels uncomfortable sometimes, though thus far he hasn’t gone too far.

Going into this, I knew that one of the issues that Wally had to overcome was his mental block about surpassing Barry, and to my surprise, it wasn’t as much of a through-line as I expected. I was expecting it to be a reoccurring issue that was solved by the Return of Barry Allen storyline, but in reality there are only one or two times something like it comes up, usually in the context of him not being able to do the vibrating through walls trick. In the Return of Barry Allen, it feels more like an issue introduced in that story than a long running plot line. Granted, it may only feel this way because I’m solely reading Mark Waid’s Flash. I didn’t read the issues prior to his take over, so that storyline could have been more apparent there for all I know.

Moving on, starting with Waid’s run had another knock on effect, that being that the character introductions aren’t introductions. I came into this expecting to see when Wally met Linda, when he met Jay Garrick, when Pied Piper redeemed himself, but all of that happened before Waid took over the book, so they’re already part of the cast from the start. Again, not a flaw of the work, it’s just a result of my personal experiences. Now, let’s take a look at some of these characters.

I’ve heard a lot about Linda and Wally’s romance, and so far it’s not bad. I wouldn’t rate it as one of the best of all time, but I haven’t gotten to most of the major moments yet, so that’s not a huge surprise. One thing that’s very apparent is the Lois Lane DNA in her character. Some of that is to be expected, which the love interest to your superhero is a reporter, but I see a lot of similarities in their personality as well. There’s a lot of the same fire in her. Fortunately, the fact that Wally’s identity is public lends a very different arc to their relationship than what you see with Lois and Clark, so Linda doesn’t come off as a Lois rip-off. Linda’s concerns that there’s no place for her in Wally’s wild superhero life is the kind of relationship hurdle that isn’t present in Lois and Clark’s Relationship.

Next, let’s take a look at the first Flash, Jay Garrick. Within this series, Jay is perfectly pleasant, and by no means unlikable, but he also comes across as...kind of superfluous? There are three elderly male speedsters in this comic, and of all of them Jay is by far the least defined and has the least role. Max Mercury is the Wally’s mentor in the ways of speed, the one with the most knowledge of the Speed Force. He’s basically what I expected Jay Garrick to be going into this. The third of the group is Johnny Quick, a speedster who is the father of another speedster, Jesse Quick. Jesse is also very skeptical of Max Mercury’s teachings, which veer from the scientific into the mystical.

Because Johnny takes the role of skeptic, Jay is left without a role in the narrative because being the nicest of Wally’s friend group. Veering over to Hollywood for a second, whenever a book gets adapted into a movie or TV Show, minor characters get lost in the transition. Either they get composited with other characters, or they get cut entirely. Game of Thrones is the most prominent example in recent memory. I bring this up because, if Waid’s Flash were to go through that process, it’s hard to argue that Jay wouldn’t get the ax. Despite being the most important of them in the context of the universe at large, Jay is the least important Speedster in this narrative. Of course, Jay’s importance in the context of the larger universe means that in this hypothetical adaptation, he probably be composited into either max or Johnny. More likely Max, since mentor is the logical position for the first Flash to take in the Third Flash’s narrative.

I mentioned Jess Quick there, so let’s talk about her. Thus far, her most prominent role in the narrative has been to call Wally out and be his critic, though she does have very good reasons to be angry. In the Terminal Velocity storyline, Wally believes he’ll die soon, and tells the Flash Family that Jesse will be his successor, but it turns out to be a lie in order to motivate Bart Allen to take things more seriously. Jesse has remained angry with Wally since then, though it hasn’t seriously impacted her hero work. That’s good, because her continued competence lends legitimacy to her anger within the narrative. She’s not being punished for being mad at Wally for mistreating her. Hopefully it stays that way going forward.

Now let’s take a look at the character Wally chose over Jesse, Bart Allen AKA Impulse. I’ll say up front that I’m not reading Bart’s solo series during this read through, as I didn’t want the hassle of going back and forth between books. As such, the only issues of it that I’ve looked at are the ones that tie into the Dead Heat arc. I feel it’s important for me to say this, because I’m basing my opinions of Bart primarily on his showings in Wally’s book, not his own. In Wally’s book, Bart’s character flaws are more on display.

Bart is a character deliberately designed to be obnoxious, and such characters are a hard tightrope to walk in fiction. Gotta be annyoing enough to get the point across, but not annoying enough to turn people off from the work. Bart in Wally’s book isn’t perfectly balanced, and tends toward the too much pile. Not to an egregious extent, but a little bit. I found myself echoing Wally’s frustration with Bart more than a few times. In Bart’s defense, Wally does share some of the blame here. He doesn’t do a very good job as a mentor, and handing those duties off to Max is probably for the best.

I find it interesting, that a character like Wally who is so defined by inheriting a legacy is a poor mentor, to both Bart and Jesse. He makes different mistakes with both of them, but he still fails both of them. I’m eager to see how that plays out in the future issues.

Now that we’ve discussed the supporting cast, let’s discuss some of the book’s villains. We’ll start with the one who is most infamous, Eobard Thawne. Thawne’s spends the majority of his time in this book thinking he’s Barry Allen, and if I’m being honest, he’s more effective under that guise that he is as Eobard. The scenes where what appears to be Barry Allen turns evil out of jealousy of his successor are powerful, more so than the more traditional villain Eobard displays after the reveal. Not that it would have been a good idea for it to actually be Barry, of course. Much as I prefer Wally to Barry, having Barry go full supervillain would have been very out of character. In any case, this run had a profound impact on Eobard’s character going forward, solidifying him as an agent of toxic fanboyism, making him a dark mirror of Wally West.

The next major villain of the run is the cult slash terrorist organization Kobra. That might bring thoughts of GI Joe to your mind, and you honestly aren’t far off. So far as this run goes, the biggest differences between DC’s Kobra and Hasbro’s is A) DC’s version prefer green over blue, and B) Hasbro’s version has more in the way of distinct characters. Kobra thus far is more of a plot device than  anything else. They’re generic terrorists with little to make them distictive. Their storyline, Terminal Velocity, is more notable for it’s introduction of the Speed Force, Wally preparing for his upcoming ‘death’, and Linda going on a revenge quest after said ‘death’. All things that Kobra is incidental to, any villainous organization would have sufficed.

The final, as of my current point in the run, major villain is Savitar. Savitar was formerly a soviet test pilot who gained a connection to a the speedforce, gave himself the name of Hindu god, and started a speed worshipping cult. It says a lot about my mind that my immediate thoughts upon reading Savitar’s origin were. “Huh, an AU where Hal Jordan became a Speedster the same way would be neat.”. Savitar is in some ways an improvement on the Kobra Cult from Terminal Velocity. This time the Cult has a more direct connection to the Flash and his mythos. Dead Heat is by no means a retread of Terminal Velocity, but if you wanted to mesh them into one story, it wouldn’t be hard. And it’d improve on both, in some ways.

One of the things I like to do in my fanfic ideas is connect the other speedsters to Thawne’s theme of Toxic Fandom, and it wouldn’t be hard to do that with Savitar. His entire motivation is to deprive those he considers unworthy of their speed, and that can easily by played as a metaphor for gatekeeping.

Over all, while the run is far from perfect, I must say I’m enjoying these comics a good deal, and if you’re like me and have read a lot about comics without actually reading them, I don’t think you’d regret jumping into them.

[jackdawyt]

Contaminated with the Blight. Known to thin the Veil, and forces anyone who dare wield it go mad. There’s a lot we’ve got to talk about regarding this most blighted material, however, in order for us to foreshadow what involvement red Lyrium may have in the future, we’ve got to excavate its original source – raw lyrium.  

Lyrium

Regular, non-tainted Lyrium is a mineral constantly mined for its properties, it has many purposes in Thedas today. The dwarves have built a trade empire mining and selling the material across the entire continent because of its usage. This trade is the main reason why Tevinter and the dwarven kingdoms have such a close relationship.  

Lyrium is essentially a mana booster, able to strengthen one’s magical power beyond what anyone might naturally muster. When mixed into liquid and ingested, Lyrium allows mages to enter the Fade consciously.  No wonder the mages of the Imperium have such a secure trade of the substance.  

While mages combine Lyrium with spells and rituals. Templars ingest the substance to enhance their abilities at resisting and dispelling magic, while the dwarves and non-magic wielders use Lyrium to create magical runes and enchant items.  

Even the Qunari were intrigued by its usage and began experimenting with the properties of Lyrium to bulk up their own mages called “Saarebas.”  

In the current Dragon Age, Lyrium has become a beneficial and essential mineral for the majority of Thedas.  

As Lyrium exists in both the physical world and The Fade, the Chantry believes Lyrium to be the “emerald waters of the Fade, the very substance of creation itself.” While others call Lyrium a conductor that "bridges the gap between the dreamer’s world and the waking world” (WoT V1).

Whatever the truth is... There’s a lot beyond the surface regarding this powerful substance that the common Thedosian may never know.  

The dwarves call “Lyrium” - “Isana” which translates to “singing stone” (WoT V1).

This is because Lyrium is; in fact, a living substance, it’s said to be the very blood of the world-shaping Titans.  

According to; their children, the dwarves, the legendary, ancient beings sculpted the world. Their earthquakes are apparently their method of reshaping Thedas to their accord.  

It's impossible to describe in words how truly vast a Titan is. The one I met is so large you can only glimpse parts of it. I had wandered inside its body for who knows how long without even realizing it. I've heard tales of dragons and giants on the surface, but descriptions of their size do not compare to the Titan's.

Its blood now flows through me, and its song fills the gaps in our history. I close my eyes and see glimpses of the world that was, before everything changed and the dwarven race broke in two. Something caused the Titans to fall, and the fate of my people fell with them. The Titan wants me to know. No, more than that. It wants me to understand. There is a loneliness to its song.

Codex entry: Titans: Shaper Valta's personal journal.

Whether the Titans, or “Pillars of the Earth” created Thedas, and have since been dwelling since the beginning of creation itself is still a rather ambiguous mystery. However, based on codex entries, we can confirm that the Titans existed before the Veil was created.  

In actuality, before the Veil’s creation, the Kingdom of the Elvhen hunted and declared war against the Titans, stating their death will be a mercy and will make the earth blossom with their passing.

"In this place we prepare to hunt the pillars of the earth. Their workers scurry, witless, soulless. This death will be a mercy. We will make the earth blossom with their passing."

Mythal, All-mother of the Elven Pantheon struck down a Titan, as the people praised her name.  

"Hail Mythal, adjudicator and savior! She has struck down the pillars of the earth and rendered their demesne unto the People! Praise her name forever!" 

With the defeat of a Titan, the Ancient Elves discovered Lyrium from its body. The elves continued to fight with the Titans, mining their bodies for raw Lyrium and "something else" which has been made unclear.  

"The runes say the Evanuris fought the Titans. They mined their bodies for lyrium and... something else. It's not clear."

While I’m trying not to theorise and speculate, Cole once said: "They made bodies from the earth. And the earth was afraid. It fought back. But they made it forget."

Perhaps the Ancient Elvhen made Lyrium bodies from the Titan’s blood. Crafting strong, resilient vessels for the Evanuris and their people to inhabit. Continuing their savage hunt against the Titans.  

Thus, explaining the fall and disconnect of the Titans from their children, the dwarves. Justifying why the dwarven kingdom have grown disattached to their creators throughout the ages, and only now have begun to re-establish that connection once more.  

In any regard, the Titans were not completely silenced. They slumbered for years, and somewhere down the line, Red Lyrium came into existence. Perhaps caused by the Evanuris war, or perhaps self-inflicted by the Titans themselves, we don’t know. Red Lyrium’s origin is still a huge enigma... However, we do know that the spread of Red Lyrium has merely just begun.  

The red corrupted substance is a perverted form of raw Lyrium. Just like its predecessor, Red Lyrium is alive, it has a lifespring, and it grows and multiplies across Thedas. It too ties power between the waking world and the Fade.

To answer your question, my lord: yes, I have indeed heard of this "red lyrium" of which you speak. A single piece of it surfaced in the eastern city of Kirkwall, and its influence alone was nearly enough to cause the city's destruction. As near as we can determine, it is regular lyrium that has been somehow corrupted. Those who have touched red lyrium—or even come near it—report that it "sings" to them, like whispers in the mind that slowly drive them mad.

—From a partially burned letter by an unknown writer, affixed with the Grey Warden seal.

As discovered by Bianca Davri, Red Lyrium carries the blight, explaining its twisted form.  

Unlike regular lyrium which requires you to digest it in order for it to impact you. Red Lyrium corrupts everything it touches, being in close proximity to it will greatly affect you.  

Far more disturbing is the fact that lyrium could be corrupted at all. Treat any red lyrium you encounter as if it were poison. Do not go near it, do not attempt to destroy it... and most importantly, do not attempt to use it.

—From a partially burned letter by an unknown writer, affixed with the Grey Warden seal.

The substance is most unique, it can thin the Veil, allowing spirits and demons to interact with the real world. Prolonged exposure will change not only your mental outlook but your physical appearance too.  

It tends to leave people or animals in a mad-like state. They become paranoid, and see no reasoning for morality, as Bartrand sabotages his own brother Varric. Red Lyrium tends to consume the mind and take over. Much like the reasoning for the Red Templars in Inquisition, Red Lyrium is very deadly, and grows off of anything living.

We do not know, however, what might stem from extended contact with red lyrium. Madness, surely, but would there be a physical corruption as well? What would happen if a mage or a templar used red lyrium as they use regular lyrium?

—From a partially burned letter by an unknown writer, affixed with the Grey Warden seal.

Speaking more specifically on Red Lyrium’s growth - its corruption throughout the land has merely begun - and attempting to remove the mineral is likely a fruitless effort, as it will have already introduced itself into the food chain, which begets more corruption: as Red Lyrium effects all it touches, insects digest blighted soil, animals then digest the blighted insects, this will have a knock-on effect, more animals, plants and trees will become tainted by merely following their survival instincts until eventually the people of Thedas are infected by their own harvest.  

While a lot of the growth of Red Lyrium has been greatly caused by the hands of many Thedosian’s, a great deal of its development into the eco system is simply inevitable. It's merely a matter of days until a Ferelden Farmer has spoiled crops, an Orlesian Noble eats an infected nug, and a predator hunting its prey soon becomes blighted.  

And that’s not all that lingers for the future, Red Lyrium has plenty of involvement in many scenarios that awaits Thedas.  

The Titan’s connection

When Valta connected with a Titan, she felt pure, wasn’t afraid anymore, and could somehow survive without needing food or water, as if the Titan’s essence was her sole sustenance. The Titan connected with one of their children stopped the tremors throughout the land.

Valta established a longing connection with the dwarves supposed creators, as adult and child rekindled once more, Valta’s consciousness intertwined with the knowledge of the Titans. Vital information that would shake up the entirety of the dwarven kingdom’s foundation.  

With Valta’s connection, surely the Titan’s seek to find the rest of their children, becoming one once more.  

Red Lyrium Idol

The Red Lyrium Idol is still a mystery. This McGuffin was brought back in Tevinter Nights, instead of being destroyed when Meredith created her sword Certainty, it stayed within her statue-like corpse, preserved for a fair while.  

it’s been described as: “a couple hugging, too thin to be dwarves”, or “a god mourning their sacrifice.” However, disregarding what it supposedly looks like, this idol belongs to Solas. It’s his, and he wants it back, he has a purpose for it.  

Its current whereabouts have been set up for interpretation, we can assume the Idol is either with a noble’s son heading to war torn Tevinter, or Solas has indeed collected his long-lost possession after some time. Again, we can only assume at this point where it may be, and why Solas requires it.  

Red Lyrium Sarcophagus

In Dragon Age: Blue Wraith, the most recently released comic book roster, the comic cast uncover a Lyrium Sarcophagus, originally utilised for Fenris’s transformation into a “Blue Wraith”. The device infuses the occupant with Lyrium markings that grant the host with immense power like the ability to go through walls, and tear an enemy's heart out of their chest.  

Towards the end of Blue Wraith, we understand that the Venatori have this device and intend on willingly putting one of Fenris’s trusted friends through the device using Red Lyrium to make him a most formidable, unstoppable warrior.  

If successful, perhaps this practice may become common in Tevinter for the remaining Venatori and their elven slaves.

New clusters of Lyrium  

Discovered briefly in Tevinter Nights, The Horror Of Hormak, other colours and variations of Lyrium seemingly exist. A massive Lyrium crystal glowing yellow and green hung suspended deep within a lost dwarven thaig.  

Above it, a massive lyrium crystal hung suspended. It glowed with a sickly light, tinged with yellow and green. Streamers of energy flowed from it into the pool, sending it bubbling wherever it touched. (Horror Of Hormak, pg. 100).  

With more variations of Lyrium deep underground, perhaps we’ll begin to see different properties of this mineral, who knows, perhaps this could lead to other Titans waking up across Thedas.

Origin Of The Blight

And of course, we need to comprehend how the blight began. I attempting at looking at this plot thread, without going to deep into theory, but I do believe it has something to do with the Titan’s war between the Evanuris, because suddenly Red Lyrium pops into the picture and the Elven Pantheon are becoming mad with armour of the Void, turning against each other.  

Perhaps a Blighted Titan is the original source of the blight, as it reaches out for revenge against the Evanuris, attempting to establish a connection with their children once more, destroying everything else in its path...

So many mysteries, and so much to go on for the future of Dragon Age!  That is it for my first entry in this Road To Dragon Age 4 series, let me know what you thought of it, and tell me your potential theories for the future Dragon Age narrative.  

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/8/2020: PELICAN BLOOD (2019)

If you are reading this and the present date is between October 8 and 11 of 2020, please consider buying a virtual ticket to see Katrin Gebbe’s PELICAN BLOOD, available on demand through the Nightstream festival:

https://watch.eventive.org/nightstream/play/5f6e7e78d6a9bf0036613fa3

I am about to discuss this movie and its conclusion in great detail, but it would be much better for a person to come to it in innocence--not because it’s so reliant on anything as gauche as surprise, but because it is so thoroughly excellent that wading through a movie review first would be like letting your dinner grow cold. And, it simply deserves our support.

When I saw PELICAN BLOOD last year at Fantastic Fest, it became one of my favorite movies before it was even over. I might admit that this was sort of a match made in heaven, as this movie checks almost every one of my personal boxes, but I don’t think my assessment of its value is a simple matter of personal prejudice. I’ve been haunted by it all these months, and deeply worried that somehow I might never see it again. When I discovered that it had landed on Nightstream, I was over the moon.

This is writer-director Katrin Gebbe's second feature, a fact that will astonish you when you see it. Last Blogtober, I wrote about her first feature TORE TANZT, which has the troubling english title NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN. That intense indie drama concerns a born-again christian punk who wishes for an opportunity to prove his devotion to god, and finds it in the form of a family that invites him in off the streets, and then proceeds to torture him. That's an oversimplification of what actually occurs, but it is a film that's hard to be brief about. It's cheap and a little rough around the edges, but it is deliberate, intense, and difficult to forget. (In fact it's supposed to be based on a true story, although I haven't managed to pick up that trail) When I first saw it, it certainly made me wonder what else that director might be up to, and I was astounded when I found out. 2019's PELICAN BLOOD emerged six years after TORE TANZT, with little in between besides a television episode and a segment in the anthology THE FIELD GUIDE TO EVIL, and yet Gebbe's artistic evolution is dumbfounding. Her themes are all unmistakably present--faith versus doubt, mystical versus metaphorical experience, and physical martyrdom--but exploded into a grand, elegant psychodrama that holds the viewer captive every minute of its two hours.

Celebrated german actress Nina Hoss plays Wiebke, a stable owner who trains police horses to tolerate the frightening conditions of a riot. She lives at the edge of her pasture, raising her tween daughter Nicolina (Adelia-Constance Giovanni Ocleppo) on her own. Wiebke has a talent for healing the wounded, or perhaps it's more of a calling; she raised Nicolina, a bulgarian orphan, into a bright, balanced, emotionally available tomboy, and the two of them joyfully anticipate the arrival of Nicolina's new adoptive sister. When little Raya arrives (Katerina Lipovska), she first presents as sweet, even solicitous, needing only a mother's love to fully bloom. However, as soon as she determines that she is welcome and wanted, she undergoes a disturbing transformation into a violent and unpredictable creature, possessed by an abject hatred. Wiebke recognizes that her new child is seriously traumatized, which activates her sense of purpose, and she pledges herself fully to the child's recovery--despite the admonishments of Raya's daycare, her doctors, and virtually everyone around them, that the little girl is beyond all but clinical help, and even that promises no guarantee of salvation. Refusing to give up, Wiebke makes a series of increasingly dangerous personal sacrifices in Raya's name, until finally she finds herself at the doorway to what some consider another world, but what is to others only madness.

Gebbe won Best Director in the main competition at Fantastic Fest, and it would have been a crime if this were otherwise. Her control over what are essentially forces of nature is humbling. Extracting a profoundly moving drama from a cast of adult actors is challenging enough on its own, but to get these terrifyingly convincing performances from children, evoking deep trauma and physical violence to self and others, is another level. As if this weren't enough, Gebbe adds animals into the mix, giving the story of Raya a parallel in the troubled career of a police horse who is considered a lost cause by all but Wiebke. The training scenes in which Wiebke guides the volatile animal through fire and smoke, while her own lifeforce is being progressively depleted by her new child, are as harrowing as anything having to do with parenthood, and Wiebke seems to take the horse just as seriously as her child. Friendly single dad Benedikt (Murathan Muslu) tries to flirt with the trainer by remarking on her unusual career, but she spits bitterly, "The horses are not the problem," giving us a glimpse of the philosophy that drives her.

Another of my favorite german films is Werner Herzog's 1976 short NO ONE WILL PLAY WITH ME. This funny and poignant story involves a bullied and neglected little boy, and it is preceded by a card displaying the adage "There are no bad children, only bad parents." This is the principle that drives Wiebke in work and life: Those who are seen as failures, have been failed by others. One has the sense that Wiebke sees herself in these wretches. She has no partner, and balks at questions about her relationship history, shying from physical affection even with people she knows and likes. A tell-tale scar graces one cheekbone; when she finally begins to welcome the benign Benedikt's advances, he strokes it instead of kissing her, acknowledging that he can see who she really is.

Wiebke tries to extend this same empathy toward Raya, refusing to let the child bait her into wrath and rejection. However, this show of pure faith and tolerance does not work, and the right approach becomes less clear as Raya begins to blame her mounting acts of vandalism, arson and assault on an evil entity that controls her will. A psychiatrist aprises Wiebke that this is the "magic period", in which the child uses magical thinking to divert feelings of guilt and responsibility. But, after a fashion, Wiebke begins to sense this malevolent presence as well. Is this etheric intrusion real? Or is she beginning to empathize with the child--with the experience of grappling with a damaged part of yourself--to the point of dissolving boundaries?

The title of the movie refers to a fable about a pelican whose chicks die, and she resurrects them by feeding them her own blood. This is a clear metaphor for Wiebke's trial with Raya, that becomes shockingly literal when, after endangering her home and relationships by prioritizing the new child, Wiebke places her own health on the line by taking an unregulated drug to give herself a bizarre advantage. When Wiebke discovers the shocking nature of Raya's original trauma, she experiments with the radical idea of treating the girl like a little baby, hoping to start from square one with her capacity to be mothered, and in the service of this dreadful proposition, Wiebke starts taking a lactation-inducing pill that proves to be an immediate risk to her health, and puts her in an even more perilous position with Raya.

Although it focuses on a preternaturally devoted mother, PELICAN BLOOD recalls what makes movies like HEREDITARY and WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN so potent. We have the idea that in becoming parents, we are perpetuating our own essence, extending our history and celebrating the precious connection of blood, which is supposed to impart an automatic same-ness. Unfortunately, this only shakes out to arrogance for many, denying the quirks of psychology, chemistry, and the unique impact of trauma--even if minor, or explainable as something benign--on a mind too young to fully comprehend the nature of the experience. Even without abuse in the home, anyone can have a child less like themselves than they could have ever imagined, for reasons beyond their own control. In all this, the child is innocent, and it is the duty of the parent to prioritize the child's feelings, over the vanity of wanting an heir to your own best qualities. Wiebke sacrifices not only her vanity, but potentially her very life, to show Raya love. When this blood sacrifice does not work, Wiebke finds herself facing the realm of alternative belief as a last resort.

The introduction of PELICAN BLOOD's folk horror element can seem a little left field, if you haven't noted the clues scattered throughout the film. Before the revelation of Raya's boogeyman, Wiebke begins to discover evidence of an old pagan tradition still being practiced around her proverbial neck of the woods. Soon, she tentatively entrusts herself and her child to a local witch, who puts them through a harrowing exorcism. Though the process is uncertain at first, its impact forces Wiebke into a direct acknowledgment of the entity harassing her daughter. And ultimately, it awakens in Raya a capacity for love.

While the reality of the supernatural in PELICAN BLOOD remains in question, I think the effect of this ambiguity is specifically meaningful. I usually scoff at any type of "was it all a dream?" nonsense, as this is a tactic employed by directors who think their greatest accomplishment should be getting one over on the audience. I don't see any inherent value in simply reversing the apparent meaning of things, just to make people feel stupid--and worse, this has trained modern audiences to try to defensively predict the least likely ending to any story, instead of just engaging with it emotionally as it plays out. For this reality-bending trick to be worth anything, one must be able to answer questions like, IF this was all a dream, THEN what meaning is added to the story?

In PELICAN BLOOD, the unresolved question of whether magic is real is of great relevance to the whole concept of belief. Human beings crave extranormal experience; we're deeply attracted to tales of ghosts, UFOs, mythical creatures, and parapsychological abilities. Even the skeptics among us enjoy arguing about these things, and many regular folks without eccentric interests read their horoscope "just for fun". Most telling of all is the enduring popularity of stories about the strange and unusual, which require no particular belief system from the audience; the fantasy of this extra dimension to our mundane lives is just so satisfying. Despite all the pleasure we get from these ideas, though, we tend to cling first and foremost to objective truth; we tell ourselves that if there is no "proof", then an outrageous thing cannot exist. But, this is actually contrary to many of our lived experiences. On the basest level, we delight at videos of insane parkour stunts, at the same time that we say these guys are "like" superheroes, but are actually just guys. My question is, what's the difference? If a person can achieve physical feats that most of us can never imagine attempting, then what difference does it make that this person was not bitten by a radioactive spider? If a fortune teller in a carnival is so good at "cold reading" strangers that she gives the effect of being able to read minds, then what is the appreciable difference between a carny and a "real psychic"? If a faith healer "just convinces" someone to become free from a chronic ailment, and the patient goes on to live a happier life, who cares if no "real magic" was in evidence? What is the difference between exorcism and hypnosis, if the end result is the same for a seriously disturbed child and her mother? The only difference appears to be some material confirmation of specific mystical forces and substances--which, admittedly, would be exciting on its own--but this would still only be an alternative version of the events that led up to the same "miraculous" result. We only worry about the existence of God and magic because our definitions of these things tend to be limited to what we think of as literal and scientific. But, if the correct effects manifest themselves, then all that is purely cosmetic. Belief is real. Faith works.

[vynnyal]

dumping my random thoughts, comic ideas, and wildly misinformed theories abt hk onto my victims: part 2!!! p clear what I was doing in some of these, lmao

btw if you have any input im very, super interested please feel free 2 share

"So who's the mother?" Grimm: "Mother? No, there was no mother." "Then how--?" grimm: "Mitosis, obviously." Cut to two panels of the person dissociating over what they imagine the process to be.

FUCKIN... ASEXUAL PRIDE GRIMM

Hornet yelling shaw instead of yeet or koby.

Hornet yelling git gud at inappropriate times in place of like... Actual Advice. Alt: jdghghf or when she gets nervous, as a distraction.

Her thinking of something cool to say while waiting outside the black egg temple. alt: her thinking so hard she almost misses her cue, making her flub; aka the reason she says somn more like "geddun" in-game. alt alt: thk and ghost sharing a blank look (mid-battle) and thinking "she flubbed" in disbelief.

Hornet and something with the "spidersilk paper" lemm mentioned, maybe using it to """document""" her day when she has time to spare. She insists it's not a diary, so don't even try.

Hornet grieving the little weavers.

(speedrun) "You wanna fight? Huh? Huh? Well I dont, bye"

Zote "I only saved you for the money" joke.

Quirrel pretending not to understand modern slang.

Quirrel... Dad jokes... Holy shit

FUCKIN... DAD BOD???

conifer appearing in increasingly absurd locations.

Quirrel playfully commenting on the uh... "information"... The tablets display. alt: he can actually read it just fine, but is coy abt telling ghost what it says.

rather than just appearing, Quirrel and ghost walk through the archives together, the mood bittersweet.

Hollow knight passing the time in the black egg lightheartedly.

Wyrm and root trying to argue but the height difference just makes them both laugh.

ghost appearing before Root, expectant, only for them to slowly realize she doesn't actually... care about them. or any of the vessels, really. she expects them to do their duty, her claims of shame apparently not deterring her away from the fate they were created for. alt: she acts like that not out of any kind of malevolence, but out of pure ignorance. It doesn't occur to her how much it costs the little vessels... Or that they even have anything to lose, at all.

Cut to the future after the bad end, as yet another fragile vessel appears before the queen, far too late to save anyone now.

Godmaster traitor lord battle, ghost walks in looking very nervous. Traitor looks smug, asking if they're afraid (of him), only for the next panel to show ghost sweating profusely as they have Fragile Flower Flashbacks. alt, they're imagining/being pressured by the ghost girlfriends glaring at them/wailing "WAIIII" in tendem.

Ghost asks how thk got so big, only for them to reveal their body is still the same size, and they're just controlling a big suit of armor like false knight. Jdbfjfgjr

its been pointed out the bee knight doesnt... actually have any wings to buzz with. the noises are entirely vocalized. The reason buzzy baby makes buzz noises is because he felt left out when he was a kid; the queen, seeking to comfort him, explains how he can create his very own buzz sounds using an alternative method, instead. Despite his battle prowess, his mind never matured, continuing up to his very last moments to make the habitual noises of his childhood.

(godmaster) having soul left over and fuckin SCREAMING in the faces of the nail masters just before the bench.

Defeating bee boy by one mask, relaxing for a sec, before realizing the bees are stILL COMING ACTUALLY,,,,

The aftermath of the sheo fight, ghost just DRIPPING with rainbow-colored paint.

ze'mer and her lover meeting in their dreams.

flower lesbos hanging out with the thorn husbos (nailmaster/sheo hfshh)

Team cherry hid the gays behind some of the hardest missions because, let's be honest, no homophobe would put that much effort into anything.

Quirrel saying "I've only had ghost for a day, but if anything happened to them I'd -" Cuts to ghost, shade over their body Quirrel: "..."

Messing with the hot springs... geysers? Idk 3 heads things. whats in there? How were they made? By the ancient civilization, maybe pale king? alt: finding quirrel relaxing casually inside one of the eyesockets instead of in the spring, lmao.

"I'd sure like to be a shade, like heck- they can fly, they can do that weird teleport thing, and they have-", turns to it, "- ALL MY MONEY!!!"

Ngl I still don't fully understand the relationship between ghost, their shell, and their shade, and should prolly read up before blabbing, but what is it that separates ghost's body from their shade? Or their shade from ghost, themself? We see in the dnm ending they can very much "control" their shade, as they voluntarily rip off their shell to release it. Or... Oh shit am I dumb? Did ghost kill themselves right then? Oh fuck did ghost die to let their shade kill the radience. Please tell me I'm wrong I'm really upset now yfjfihrufhgi

Gonna be honest the previous one was me trying to contextualize the concept of ghost being able to fly like shades do but now I'm just thinking abt ghost, fuck. Still. Imagine ghost n thk just, like, hovering towards people with their funky tentacle legs. Or better, no tentacles, they can just Do That. Establish your dominance, little vessels.

Ghost doing the superman "ripping off your shirt to shift into super-mode" thing except they just tear apart their shell. Alt: hornet: "that looks painful"

Broken vessel was stuck. Out of all the dead vessels we see- the one in greenpath, those hung in nosk's den, the floor of the abyss, even ghost themself- not one retained their body after death. Except, that is, for broken vessel. Something, somehow, was anchoring their shade to their shattered shell and keeping it there, unable to seep away and reunite with their siblings below. They weren't just another corpse. That was ghost's sibling.

Just what is a vessel's coak? From what I've seen of the sprites, it's clearly attached to their shells; some in nosk's den are even hung from them, with their shells dangling below it. It seems biological- by which I mean, not some sort of clothing or ambiguously god-based substance- which makes its selective decay rather odd. On one hand, in greenpath, nosk's den, and some specific corpses within the abyss, their cloaks have stayed firmly attached. On the other, we have countless shells left naked all over the place- even ghost's shell is like this. Of course we have to keep in mind ari prolly just didn't wanna animate that, but that's no fun. I don't really have a prompt or theory here, as nothing I come up with quite fits the bill... Just more of a thinkpiece, I suppose.

Nyooming past quirrel at blue lake, freeze frame of ghost and q sharing a startled look.

Ghost distracting sheo by making him gush over his artwork. alt, "winning" the battle by showing him something they made, and/or just having a paint-off. Ghost wins no matter what, obviously.

Ohhh... Ghost learning to express themselves through art...

Lurien secretly has multiple eyes, fit neatly in the one socket.

Appreciating the genius of the mimic grub room (the real grub's location is hard-coded. im still mad)

Hearing Hornet say "get down" instead of "git gud" and the connotations of that. alt: hearing "git gud" when she's actually saying "get down", being offended or otherwise reacting to that, before being promptly smacked in the face by whatever she was warning them abt.

Hornet doing weird, obscure spider things.

Ghost: WHAT is THAT?? uumuu: uumuu emoji face

Where does the shade get its sword? Is it a void-sword? Did they scavange it? Did they make it???

The actual guttural horror of falling into the centipedes in deepnest.

The irony of feeling incredibly sad and hurt at thk's pain, but absolute bloodlust for pure knight.

What was written upon the journal found with the corpse in ash at hollownest’s edge. Alt: h. how did ash even get up there.