#apparently i'm getting worse at acting normal in public

[meiloorunsmoothie]

my friend: you look lost in thought. what are you thinking about?

me: uh...jeremy jordan singing "nobody needs to know"

my friend: ...do i want to know what that is

me: YES........................yes?...................actually probably not XD

[angrelysimpping]

Soul Mate AU

Soulmarks: tattoo like in appearance, soul marks form on all involved parties when the youngest member reaches their age of majority. Touching someone's soulmark without their consent is considered incredibly taboo and violating. Touching someone’s soulmark when baring the matching mark is supposed to be incredibly pleasurable for all parties involved, more so if it is the two marks that are touching.

ref link, tho I'm gonna put the same soulmark descriptions under each character anyway 

Contents: DoL relationships; Avery's anger issues; public stuff; doctor/patiant, mildly; talk of cutting (Kylar's section); teacher/student, mildly; farm fuckery (aka, Remy's whole fucking section); cat Bailey AU; FUCT Robin AU; Yandere Avery AU; Eldritch PC AU

Words: 2608

Alex

(93)

Geometric shapes. Bold, dark lines. Elbow to shoulder on their right arm. 

Loves touching your soulmark. Loves you touching their soulmark. Loves all of it.

Higher dominance Alex is likely to brush their hand down your soul mark whenever they have the chance. Even if it might be considered “rude” to do so in front of others. 

Lower dominance waits for more private moments. A teasing stroke over your mark while shielded from prying eyes, shivering if you return the favor and ghost a hand over their mark. 

Loves cuddling in the morning, pressed against each other, absentmindedly tracing the lines of your matching marks. 

Avery

(153)

Thin, delicate, lace like lines across their collar bones. Ends in thick, jagged lines going down their sternum 

God, there’s so much pressure on you to act absolutely perfect if you actually want Avery to let you walk around with a matching mark. 

That said, they like touching your mark.

At low anger, they’re tender, tips of their fingers gliding over the marks. 

They may even let you touch their marks, though not often. It’s very rare for Avery to allow it. Something about you touching their marks makes them feel out of sorts, out of control. So, it’s only when they’re drained from work that they indulge in the lazy pleasure of allowing you to take care of them in this way. A hand tucked between their legs and your tongue tracing their marks. 

High rage Avery presses down on your marks hard enough to make your vision blur, pain mixed into the act that would normally bring pleasure. But, you won’t make them do that too often, will you? 

Bailey

(215)

Thin lines that crisscrosses their lower stomach in an intricate pattern and circles around their upper thighs. 

It’s a stupid situation, trying to wrangle one of their brats in their own fucking office, it that’s Bailey’s life: stupid situation after stupid fucking situation.

Except when you headbutt their stomach, shirt having ridden up from the physical activity, and your skin brushes over the marks that had only recently bloomed across their skin, it somehow gets worse. 

What do you mean that the pain they brace themself for never comes? Or, it does, but mostly covered in strange euphoria. 

But, Bailey knows what that means, new anger sparking within them and fueling their ability to pin you down, to tear at your clothes, to expose your mark. 

Your mark that matches Bailey’s.

And they press down on it, thumbs digging into the soft of your thighs as you squirm under them. They hope you feel more pain than pleasure.

They have to keep you, they think. Who knows how you could be used against them if others find out? 

And what are you to them, anyway? Important, one way or another, apparently.

So, fuck you. 

Varey rarely touches your marks after that and forbids you from touching their’s.

Yet, sometimes, you’ll wake up with Bailey’s hands pressed against the mark, palm flat and fingers splayed, dark eyes fixed on that point of contact.

Briar

(108)

One thick line running over the knuckles on their right hand. 

Oh, new lil star walking into Briar’s lovely establishment with marks that match the one that just recently bloomed across their knuckles. How interesting. 

Enjoys taking your hand in theirs, ringed thumb rolling over the mark on your knuckles, watching you shiver at such a simple action. 

Especially likes touching your marks in public and letting others see how it affects you. 

That said, not keen on you doing the same to them. When especially tense, they don't mind the pad of your thumb following the line across the ridges of their knuckles while in their office. Lets their head tilt back, eyes shutting as their muscles relax. 

Black Wolf

(83)

Jagged marks under their left eye

It's actually quite easy to overlook their mark, looking almost like a scar. 

Brushing your thumb over the mark has Black Wolf relaxing, regardless of if they’re the alpha or not.

When they’re the alpha, they’ll climb on top of you, rutting against your thigh as you trace the mark.

When you’re the alpha, they roll over, wanting you to straddle them as your fingers linger.

As for them, they like licking your mark, regardless of how close to your eye it is.

Darryl

(88)

A thick ring around their left pinky

So nervous when they realize they share a mark with you. 

Covers up their own mark and it takes them a while to build up the courage to tell you that you have matching marks.

Very gentle the first time they touch your mark, asking if it’s okay in a voice barely above a whisper, fine tremor running through their hands.

Nervous when you first touch their mark, but doesn’t regret it a bit.

Likes hooking your pinkies together, a cross between holding hands and a pinky promise. 

Doren 

(103)

Looks like the letters of a dead language encircling their right wrist. 

Will not let you touch it in public, and that goes double when at school.

Also won’t touch your mark in public.

Well, they might if it’s to calm you down if you’re having a particularly rough day, though behind the privacy of a closed door or secluded corner.

Very gentle when they touch your mark, brushing over your wrist like it’s something fragile, breakable. 

Only really allows you to touch their mark when at their apartment, though if you’re holding hands then it’s easy to pretend that it’s an accident if you press your marks together and make Doren stumble a little.

Eden

(139)

Thick, almost painful looking lines over their left breast and going up their neck. Stops under their jaw. 

Don’t touch their marks. 

Don’t do it.

Even though you bare their match, their mirror, do not touch Eden’s marks.

At least, not until they trust you.

Even then, you’re risking your ass to touch Eden’s marks.

They like it, though it feels incredibly vulnerable, thus, don’t do it.

You can get away with it during sex, usually. Unless they’re punishing you. Then you’re gonna get slapped. 

Also more likely to get away with touching their marks when they’re falling asleep, little shiver of pleasure running through them as they drift off.

All this said, they’re touching your marks whenever the fuck they want.

Especially loves grabbing you by the chin and rubbing their thumb along the marks under your jaw. Double so if you’ve been acting like a brat. A good reminder that you’re theirs, no matter what. 

Great Hawk

(59)

Small intersecting circles under their right eye.

Please touch their marks.

So proud of their marks now that they’ve come in and they adore you paying any attention to them.

Chirps every time you touch them, all puffed up.

Often nuzzles your marks. Loves brushing against them with their feathers. 

Favorite time to have their marks touched or to touch your marks is when flying together.

Gwylan 

(75)

Very complex markings running down the length of their spine. 

It’s rare for their marks to be visible and is at a loss for words when they find out you wear their match.

Doesn’t really like them touched, to be honest. It’s weirdly intense, with it being along their spine and all. 

Only really likes it if you run a feather light finger down their spine. Not too much pressure, just enough for them to feel it. 

Also not big on touching your marks, either. 

Harper

(102)

Thin, barely noticeable spirals on their tongue.

God they're so fucking ecstatic to touch your mark at all fucking times. 

Every time you see Harper, they wanna check your tongue, rubbing their thumb over the marks. 

You're really lucky they haven't yet found a way to do away with the gloves yet when in the hospital. 

If you're ever in the asylum, they're not wearing gloves.

Would adore you touching their marks if they weren't on their tongue. Makes it kinda hard to remain “professional.”

That said, when they get to kiss you or coach you into kissing them, they nearly cream their pants from your soul marks touching. 

Kylar

(80)

Soft, faded looking lines that weave up their right arm like tendrils. Starts at their wrist, ends at their elbow. 

Touch!

Kylar's!

Marks!

Please!

Touching each others marks calms them down so fast.

Aggravates their jealousy like nothing else if you refuse to let them touch your marks. 

Always gets a soft look in their eyes when touching marks. 

Babbles about it when hysterical, rubbing your marks almost painfully hard. Why are you acting like this when there's proof right here that you are meant for them?

Maybe they should make sure your marks are deeper, more prominent, with their knife…

Leighton 

(109)

Bands around their right knee

They’ll know you’re soulmates long before you do.

And they’re not telling you, either.

Likes the spark of fear in your eyes when their hand first cups your knees, the confusion when pleasure runs up your spine when their thumb brushes the mark. 

Lets you stew, thinking something wrong  with you, like you’re a pervert for feeling pressure when Leighton, someone who isn’t your soulmate, touches your mark.

Would probably let you go on like that for a while, only revealing it as a power play. 

Doesn’t want you just randomly grabbing at their mark, but likes when you place your hand on their mark when giving them head.

Mason

(77)

Looks like gills on either side of their neck. 

Don’t touch their marks.

Don’t touch them at school. 

Don’t look at them.

Don’t acknowledge they’re your soulmate.

Their authority as a teacher is already undermined by their age and now this? One of their students is their soulmate?

Please say this is a bad joke. 

But, at the pond, when they’ve gotten to know you, maybe. 

Lets their eyes close as your fingers brush over them.

Hesitant on touching your marks but will if you insist. 

Remy

(161)

Small, dark spots behind their left ear. Some might say it's a cow print pattern. 

Fuck you.

They’ll never notice it if you drop into the riding school. Nor if you’re just Alex’s silly little partner.

No, the only way Remy finds you’re soulmate is during new cattle intake. 

And they’re pissed.

They’re always wearing their gloves, so at least you don’t react when they find it.

They’ll keep you in the dark about your matching marks. 

And then they keep you isolated until they figure out what the fuck to do with you.

Obedient cattle will find out eventually when they tug their gloves off, cupping your face and letting their thumb brush over your marks while you eat an apple out of their other hand.

Disobedient cattle find out when Remy has finally had it with you, ripping off their gloves and pressing their thumb against your marks so hard that it's more pain than pleasure, making your knees buckle and your will to fight flicker. 

Regardless, they won’t let you touch their marks. 

Robin

(85)

Thin, soft, intricate swirls in the middle of their chest. 

IT’S THEIR FAVORITE THING.

It’s so comforting, their best friend sharing their soulmark.

Huge boost of confidence anytime one of you touches the others marks.

Very flustered the first time due to the placement but gets more comfortable with it as time goes on.

Not big on touching soulmarks in public but only because of the placement. 

Low confidence Robin might be persuaded to touch soulmarks in semi public areas.

High confidence Robin might try to persuade you to touch soulmarks in semi public areas. 

Sydney 

(98)

Two thin lines starting at their shoulder blades and ending at their hips. 

Even though soulmarks are considered a divine symbol of love between partners, Sydney is hesitant to touch yours or let you touch theirs.

The higher their purity, the more likely they are to wait until you two are bound by the temple before touching soulmarks.

The more corrupt they become, the more likely it is that you can coax Sydney into taking off their shirt and letting you trace the marks on their back.

At their most corrupt, Sydney will slip their hand up the back of your shirt in somewhat public places to stroke over your marks. 

Whitney

(126)

Fluid, swirling lines on the inside of their right thigh. 

I hope you like wearing skirts ‘cause Whitney wants you in one at all times so they can hike it up and grab at your marks. 

And they will do that wherever they feel like.

At low dominance, they’ll stop if you tell them to at least?

Also, if you don’t wear a skirt, they’ll try to get their hands down your pants whenever they feel like messing with you and your marks.

And hey, Whitney is your soulmate. Shouldn’t you want to do shit that’ll make ‘em happy?

That’s what they’ll say, anyway.

As for touching their marks, they’ll only let you when alone. 

Even at low dominance, they’ll try to smack your hands away if you try to touch their marks when out public. 

Wren

(89)

Small swirls on their left ankle. Easily mistaken for an actual tattoo instead of a soul mark. 

Likely to kick off their shoes and press their foot against your mark under the table while playing blackjack as a way to distract you.

Gets flustered if you do it back to them, but tries to hide it behind wide smiles and low laughs.

Does sometimes daydream about having you laying under them, holding your foot, thumb brushing over your marks before dragging your leg over their shoulder and ducking down to give you head.

But, as your relationship is, it’s limited to playing footsie during card games.

BONUS

Cat Bailey

(83)

A bit better about touching marks but still isn't big on it.

Purrs every time you brush against their marks but don't ever mention that you noticed. 

It's really when they go into heat/rut that things change. They're more likely to grab at your marks, to press you against their's. 

Don't ever mention how sometimes you'll wake up to find Bailey resting with their cheek against the marks on your stomach, eyes closed, purr rumbling in their chest and tail flicking lazily. 

Fuct Robin

(68)

Less into soul mark touching, really.

Sure, they still like it, but it makes them feel out of sorts, like they’re still the fresh 18 year old in a cramped orphanage room fumbling around with their partner they were when you first got your matching marks. 

Though, they’re much more touchy with your marks. Likes sleeping with a hand pressed to the marks on your chest. Stops nightmares.

Yandere Avery

(89)

Hope you don't get cold easily because Avery isn't allowing you to wear anything that covers your marks when you're home. 

Out and about, they make you cover up more, but any passerby can tell your marks match. What, you didn't think you were leaving the house without them, did you?

Touchs your marks all the time: right when they wake up, when they first get home after work, before falling asleep. All. The. Time. 

Also more likely to touch your marks out in public, but only very rarely. 

Eldritch PC

(71)

The soul marks have added tentacle motifs now, lol.

More intense for when your partner touches you.

Doesn’t mind the intensity: 

Alex

Darryl

Doren

Eden

Great Hawk

Leighton

Robin

Pure Sydney

Cat Bailey

Yandere Avery

Less likely to touch because of the intensity:

Avery

Bailey

Briar

Black Wolf

Gwylan

Mason

Remy

Whitney

Fuct Robin

Likes the intensity: 

Harper

Kylar

Corrupt Sydney

Whitney

Wren

Black Wolf

Great Hawk

Fuct Robin

Yandere Avery

[kimbappykidding]

Other Parts: Part Two, Part Three and Part Four.

You'd started dating V 2 years after he debuted. Your company Cube were not thrilled about it. They knew they couldn't stop you or any of your G(I)-dle members from dating but they hoped you'd atleast date someone from the big 3 so if it got leaked you'd get a ton of publicity (you'd also get a ton of hate but they didn't care about that). BTS hadn't blown up yet so they saw you dating V as pointless, but you didn't.

V first caught your eye because of how good-looking he was. Then you also saw how sweet and kind he was and you knew you had a thing for him. You admired him for a while before you started trying to express your interest in him. You started bowing more to him, smiling, saying small things like "good luck" before BTS went on stage. It worked and you became friendlier and friendlier until one night V came over to you at a party and asked you out. You of course said yes and got on instantly. You really weren't slumming it by dating someone like V and it was your company's fault if they couldn't see that.

The two of you were really happy for a while. You had 3 years of bliss but that all started to change when BTS' fame skyrocketed. At first, you were thrilled for V! You knew how hard he and the guys worked and how they'd been overlooked for 5 years but fame is weird and we all crave attention and praise so you didn't fully blame V for what happened.

Suddenly everyone wanted to know him. Guys who couldn't be bothered to respond to him when he bowed to them were inviting him to A-list parties. Girls who'd never even spoken to him were acting like they were best friends with him. Particularly the ones from big companies. You decided to let V do what he wanted with it and let him enjoy parties and events on his own. He deserved the praise, not you and you didn't want to be accused of riding his coattails. Plus you never liked all that party stuff so you just waited home for V but slowly things started to change.

You saw V less for one thing and when you did see him, things were different. His team were styling him weirdly and trying to change things about him to make him appeal to an even wider audience. They toyed with his appearance like he was doll and started changing more personal aspects of him. His interests began to change and even the way he spoke altered. It would take him a few minutes each time you were together for V to shed the idol V and just go back to normal V. You loved when your V was back but it took longer and longer reach time. Not to mention when you did see V on the idol circuit you didn't like what you saw. You hardly recognised the man and didn't like how flirty he was. Sure there were girls throwing themselves at him all over the place but that didn't mean he had to reciprocate. Didn't he care about how you felt watching it?

Apparently not because when you brought it up in the car on the way home V was not happy. He didn't get it and saw your reaction as a lack of trust, completely misreading everything. You argued the whole way home and opening the door to your apartment, V still could understand what was wrong with his behaviour. "V you were flirting with her don't even try and pretend you weren't!". "Okay sure but what's wrong with that? It wasn't really me flirting with her just my character". You blinked "V that makes no sense! We're not actresses and even if you chose to flirt with her because your company asked you to I'm not okay with that". "Why?" V asked "you know none of that is true". "It doesn't matter though the girls you flirt with don't know that and neither do the others watching. Plus why would you even do that? There are some lines you don't cross V and when does flirting turning into more?". "More like what?" V asked and you shrugged "I don't know? A sexy dance together, lingering hands, a kiss...It will only keep getting worse and the lines will keep thinning and people will think that you're up for it" you argued but V was just getting more frustrated.

"I don't get why you're so worried about what other people think. Who cares if they think I'm fucking everyone in the industry, it's not like I'm actually sleeping with these girls and you know that!" V said and you laughed "wow thank you so much for doing that major favour for me!" you said and V rolled his eyes "why are you being so difficult?". "Can you really not see why I'm upset?" You asked and V shook his head "it's not like I'd ever actually cheat on you, I wouldn't go that far" and your jaw actually dropped. "V I don't want you to go anywhere near! It's not good enough that you didn't go too far! I got at first it was exciting having pretty girls from big companies talking to you but how can you not see through it? It's been a year now and none of these people wanted you before you were big!". "But you did so I should be grateful to you?" V asked. "That's not what I'm saying I just...I can feel you pulling away V and if you want out just say so" you said.

That stuck with V and he immediately switched to comforting you, telling you there was no way he'd want that and he'd make you see that. You wanted to believe him but a few months later it started happening again. This time you didn't fight it. You let V break away from you and do his own thing and you ended it 3 months later. You think there was relief from both sides when you did.

It didn't take long for V to start using his newfound freedom and you mainly just tried not to watch but it was hard because now everyone was watching him and news travels fast. You heard how he was seeing a model and then an idol and then an actress and then two models at the same time and it continued. At the few after-parties you went to, V could usually be seen making out with some girl and then another one later in the night. You'd heard he'd jumped into booze, girls and drugs head first and honestly didn't know how much Big Hit was paying the newspapers to keep it quiet but it must be a lot.

Fast forward to 2 years later, BTS were the biggest band in the world and you were happy for V but didn't really think about him much. The V today was a different person from the one you knew who didn't exist anymore. So you didn't even think of them as the same person. It was almost as if V had retired or moved away and there was just this guy who looked and sounded like him but you knew it wasn't him. However there was one person in the world who was sure if anyone could get the old V back, it was you.

You woke up to hear your phone ringing at 4 am. You glared and then gasped as you saw who was ringing, it was V's mum. You'd always been close to V's family when you were dating, especially his mum and towards the end you talked to her more than V. When you told her you'd ended it she understood and said she knew he'd lose you if he wasn't careful. You hadn't spoken to her since apart from Christmas cards so immediately shot up worried this had to be some emergency.

"Y/n it's V! He's not answering his phone and he needs to be at the airport in 2 hours! The boys can't get through to him and they won't let them leave the airport. Y/n he's missed so much if he misses this trip he'll be disciplined or worse" she said near tears and you nodded letting her words sink into your sleepy brain. "Okay so V is late for a flight?" you asked "what time does he need to be there". You confirmed all the details with his mother and then nodded "okay Mrs Kim don't worry I'll go get to him" you said without really thinking. You quickly pulled some clothes on as his mum sang your praises and thanked you a million times. You couldn't believe how quickly you'd offered yourself but for V's distressed mum you'd do anything you could. You promised to text her with updates and then closed your car door. You hadn't been to V's place in years and you hadn't ever planned on going back but here you were

You weren't even sure why V still lived here. Sure it was convenient but he could afford somewhere 5 times the price of this with all the fancy amenities but he'd stayed here for some reason. Maybe he was never here long enough to care about moving.

You walked up the stairs to his place and wondered if he still kept the spare key in the same place. You were kind of counting on it. You searched in his flower pot (which now had a fair few cigarette buds in which was a lovely touch) for the fake rock he'd bought. You found it and pulled it apart to reveal the key. Well some things hadn't changed. You took small comfort in that and opened the door.

The first thing that hit you was the smell of alcohol. It stank and was stale, as if the smell had been there a while. The apartment had changed a lot since you'd been here. Pretty much all the furniture was different and you could see the jump in V's fortune. You didn't like it though. It looked like someone else had decorated as none of this was V's style and it was all too tacky and showy. Then you reminded yourself that the V you knew was gone and this was probably the new V's taste which made you scrunch your nose in distaste.

You made your way further into the living and saw the coffee table was covered in a mix of alcohol bottles and some substances. You tried not to look too closely at everything and hurried through the living room trying to get past the smell and called out for V. You still remembered where the bedroom was and knocked but got no response. So you threw open the door.

V was in bed but you couldn't see him clearly because of the other girls in his bed. Two, one on either side. They were all naked and you assumed V was the lump in the middle. "V get up!" you yelled and knocked loudly on the door. The people in the bed jumped and began to stir. They all made a noise as you yanked the blinds up. V sat up and you realised you'd missed another girl who had been entwined with him. 3 girls and counting you thought, expecting another one to pop out from under the bed.

"Y/n?" V asked confused and you nodded "get up, you're late". "No I'm not I've got until...shit" he said seeing the clock. You nodded "yeah so get up!". "But why did they send you?" V asked and you shook your head "that's not important. What is, is that you've got a plane you can't miss so get up and get dressed. Ladies please gather your things and leave. I will order you a taxi to take you home". The girls did as you said, clearly thinking you worked for V or something and filed out. "You've got 10 minutes to get in the car or I'm leaving without you" you said and walked from the room. You made sure the girls got in their taxi and then went to grab V's suitcase, which was by the door, to find it empty.

You groaned, so annoyed he hadn't even packed and shoved open his bedroom door again to see V had left his bed but hadn't found his clothes. He wasn't shy and turned to face you, without a care in the world and actually smiled. He leaned on his wardrobe slightly "Y/n if you wanted a go all you had to do was ask" he said. You rolled your eyes "been there done that, I'm here because you haven't packed anything" and you walked past him and put the suitcase down on the bed. You turned around to see V standing right behind you, still naked and jumped. You hesitated for a second before your resolve came back. "Why don't you go clean up while I pack, you smell like a nightclub. Where's your passport?". "They have it" he said and you nodded "go wash up" and turned away. "Whatever you say Y/n" V said passing very close to you and he left the room. His words were incredibly sexually charged and you figured he must still be drunk. You could feel his eyes on you as he left the room but refused to turn and look at him.

You grabbed a bunch of clothes, shoes and underwear and shoved them in the suitcase. Then you grabbed his chargers and added them. You knew he'd need his skincare but he was in the bathroom with it and you didn't want to give him any more misguided ideas. You sealed the case and knocked on the bathroom door "5 minutes V, I'll be in the car" and waited.

4 minutes later V appeared, hair still dripping, looking like he'd been in a hurricane but dressed and ready. When he got in you told him to text RM you were on your way and ask where he should go. "Done, so now are you going to tell me why they sent you?" V asked "was it the boys' great idea or management?". "Neither, your mum called me in floods of tears because she thought you were going to be fired". "My mum?" he asked and you nodded "I never deleted her number and I guess she never deleted mine". "Did you delete my number?" V asked and you chose not to reply, putting the radio on instead and V let it drop.

You reached the airport 20 minutes later and V undid his seatbelt. "Thank you Y/n for doing this for me". "I didn't do this for you I did it for your mum" you said but you knew that was only half true. "Well thanks for caring for her, I would like to say I kept the same links with your family but that was never possible huh?". You couldn't believe he was bringing this up now and actually laughed "really? Still not over that?". "I don't think I'm unreasonable for still being upset your parents don't know who I am". "You want them to know who you are? Are you sure about that?" you asked "do you really think they'd be your biggest fan after everything that happened?". V looked down because you got him there and he sighed "sorry I'm still hungover, forget I said anything. Thanks for coming out of your way, I'll call my mum before we take off". You nodded and pressed the button to open the boot "I obviously can't come in with you" and V nodded "thanks again" and stepped out of the car. You didn't wave or anything but when you got far enough away that he couldn't see it...you looked back and saw V disappear inside.

You checked the headlines the next day to make sure V made the flight but other than that you went back to your life, V fading out of it. You didn't even tell your members where you'd been. You didn't know if they'd be upset at you for helping V or get hopeful this could mean something more. Yuqi was firmly of the opinion he didn't deserve anything from you but you knew Shuhua and Seoyeon still held out hope for you two despite everything. They thought V would give up his new lifestyle to be back with you but he couldn't give it up to keep you when he first got it so why would years later be any different?

Then a few weeks later you got some flowers delivered to your building. It was a huge extravagant bouquet that must've been really expensive. You guessed who sent it but sure enough, there was a card with one letter on it. "V". "Who sent them?" Minnie asked and you crumpled the card behind your back "oh just that brand I did that photoshoot with". "Awww that's so sweet!" Soojin said "mine never do that" and you just shrugged but one thing stood out to you. V still remembered what flowers you liked and had the bouquet made custom because they were all there. You remembered just how good a boyfriend V could be when he tried but that was the thing...it was all dependent on him giving a crap.

Some small part of you thought there might be more to this. That V might reach out to you again or this would be a wake-up call to him but no. The girls were always honest with you with any rumours and so a week later Miyeon admitted V had been kicked out of a club for having sex with a woman in the toilets. He'd apparently laughed it off, talked his way back inside and then left with a different girl. You scolded yourself for ever thinking he could change.

So when your friend Kai's birthday rolled around you were feeling a little restless. You wanted to banish any thoughts of V from your head and when you explained the whole thing to Kai he got an idea. He was friends with Jimin who had asked if he could bring Junkook and V with him. Kai checked you were okay with it and then told him yes...but that was months ago and now Kai had his own agenda because he'd heard V had been seen with his ex. "Now I know this is petty but what would you say if I suggested we do something to show V and my ex they're not the only hot idols living their best life?". You smiled "what do you have planned?".

Kai's party was huge because he was Exo's Kai and everyone loved him. So many idols showed up and he rented a mansion which only just fit them in. His party had everything from huge ice sculptures, to trapeze artists and fire breathers (not near one another of course) and the most amazing food in the world. But Kai had purposefully set up a stage overlooking the dance floor outside and about 2 hours in he made his entrance...with you by side.

Kai was the king of dance and so to kick off his birthday he did a dance with you but not any dance, it was sexy even for Kai's standards and you loved it! You adored the sexy concepts and Kai was the dream partner. Kai had choreographed this himself and you were so proud of your best friend so threw yourself into the moves...literally! Kai caught you in his arms and ran his hands down your body as you clung onto him with your legs tight around his waist. Then the next second he flipped you over and you sprang onto your feet beside him. You'd both practised very hard for this (more than you'd care to admit) but this was so much fun! Kai had been through a lot lately and wasn't sure if his ex-girlfriend had cheated on him with V so to see him so happy warmed your heart. You did everything you could to make Kai seem as sexy and amazing as possible and it wasn't hard.

You and Kai had warned your members that you'd be doing this dance but they still cheered and acted like it was the first hearing about it and to be fair their surprise was genuine. The girls hadn't seen you be this carefree and sexy since you broke up with V and they loved it. The Exo members saw Kai was in his element and screamed for him as loud as any EXO-L.

The dance finished with you and Kai pressed together, faces inches apart and the room erupted. You were pretty sure you could hear each of your members individually screaming in the roar and Kai recognised Suho's scream anywhere. Kai was so excited and had a beautiful smile on his face as he pulled you towards him and looked at the crowd. "Fuck him Y/n you're gorgeous" he said and your eyes found V in the audience. You moved them off him immediately and back to Kai "and so are you, she doesn't know what she's missing" and Kai smiled "and this is why you're my best friend, let's get down there!" and you agreed and took his hand descending down the staircase together for the night of your lives.

The party went on until the early hours of the morning and Kai only finally went to bed at 7 am. You set him up in one of the bedrooms upstairs and decided to do a sweep of the house before also going to sleep. You were in the garden wondering if to leave Sehun asleep in the bushes when you felt someone behind you.

You turned to see Jimin who smiled awkwardly. V had left ages ago, not long after your dance actually, but Jimin and Jungkook had stayed late. "Hey" Jimin said "I left my phone here accidentally and was naively thinking it might still be here. Have you seen one?". "Grey/black swirl phone case?" and Jimin's eyes lit up "you've seen it?". You smiled "I found it last night and put it somewhere safe" you said directing him to the kitchen. You opened the oven and saw Jimin's jaw drop. "Hey this is a fake house and nobody was going to start cooking so it was safe I promise". Jimin clutched his phone tightly but nodded" thanks Y/n" and you nodded to him "no problem".

An awkward silence settled and you had no idea what to say to him. The elephant in the room was V but how could either of you bring that up naturally? "Congratulations on the Grammys" you said and Jimin looked back up from the floor "thank you, it was surreal but so fun". You smiled "you deserve it, we were all cheering you on". "Thanks Y/n" Jimin said "I'm glad you're happy" he said when you frowned he gestured upstairs "with Kai?" he half asked. You didn't want to tell him it had all been a ploy to make his friend jealous but also didn't want to lie and say it was true so you just looked down nodding. "Thanks...I should probably actually go see if he needs any help with anything" you said and Jimin nodded "of course thanks Y/n and with a bow, he left.

One thing was for sure, the party and your plan was a raging success. You were sure you'd never hear from V again...but you did.

This will be a four-part series and I will post the new parts at the top of this page when they are up!

I hope this goes without saying but this is all fictional!!!! I am not saying V does any of these things and took creative liberty. This is all made up and I am not trying to imply anything. So...if you want a fun fake kpop story with the very hot Taehyung then stick around.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Conversion, Pt. 2

We rejoin Beckett and Sheppard in the infirmary, and the fact that we got a widescreen view of the city suggests that some time has passed since the end of the previous scene. While McKay is no longer with them, this seems to still be the same visit to the infirmary as Sheppard's tac vest is laying on the gurney next to him, and it is probable that he has removed it while Beckett continued his examination. We are not told why McKay is no longer there or where he has gone. McKay may have left because he felt like his pretext for staying there with Sheppard was becoming flimsy and suspicious, and hence he needed to not be seen hanging around there for an excessive amount of time. But there is also the possibility that had been told to leave by Beckett or one of the nurses who are also no longer around, which gets some confirmation at the end of the episode with McKay making a comment that makes it sound like Beckett was the one that had driven him out of the infirmary previously and has kept him from seeing Sheppard.

What is interesting is that after the shot of McKay looking frightened and struck speechless as he watched Sheppard, we do not see him again for a very long time. He is entirely absent for the better part of the episode, and because we see several scenes in which Sheppard's transformation becomes apparent in how different he is behaving with people, it is curious that we do not get to see how he would have behaved with the person that seems to know him the best. This is a variation of the same as when we did not get to see Sheppard's reaction to Cadman possessing McKay up until the very end of Duet (S02E04), where it was apparent to everyone involved that McKay was not acting of his own accord. It is a glaring absence, and there must be a reason for it. Once more, they simply could not show the audience private moments, or in this case even moments in public, between Sheppard and McKay without giving the game away. But we are given some heavy hints in this episode.

Regardless, we now find Sheppard alone with Beckett who is taking a blood sample from his other arm, engaged in a mixture of denial and wishful thinking. Sheppard and Beckett speak in soft, friendly tones and be it that Beckett is a doctor or that he simply is not a woman, Sheppard seems perfectly physically at ease in his presence.

Sheppard: Maybe the wound wasn't that bad. Beckett: Then where'd all the blood come from? Sheppard: I don't know, maybe it just looked a lot worse than it was.

In some ways, this seems like baseline Sheppard. He does not appear to be putting on any kind of an act or pretense, his tone is conversational, and he is neither avoiding looking Beckett in the eyes or particularly searching his gaze, looking at him the normal amount. Sheppard is on neutral, and it does not seem like his transformation has begun taking effect yet.

Beckett: I don't see evidence of any cut at all. Sheppard: That's weird, because it hurt like hell. Beckett: You're sure the skin was broken? Sheppard: I'm pretty sure. There was a lot of blood! Maybe it was hers?

With regards to the ATA gene and whether it gives the carriers some latent version of the Ancients' partial telepathy, while Sheppard and Beckett do not get each other on the level and Sheppard and McKay seem to, they do have an easy rapport. They have gotten along fine ever since Sheppard was drawn to the command chair platform on the Antarctic base in Rising (S01E01), following the sound of Beckett's voice there. They both seem to be able to read each other's expressions, at the very least, communicating on more levels than just a mere exchange of words here.

Of course where Beckett does have the authentic gene, unlike McKay, Beckett and Sheppard have not been as intimately involved, and where they may have more channels open between them than most people do, there are many more channels still that facilitate communication between Sheppard and McKay. But it is interesting that Sheppard feels that he can trust Beckett enough to confess to him that he felt pain, and that it had been a lot of pain. There is also some meta commentary here: while we may not see evidence of something does not mean that it could not have had profound effects, that it could not have hurt like hell. This is pretty much everything that has happened between Sheppard and McKay.

Beckett: It was definitely human. Sheppard: I don't know. Maybe it was a nosebleed. Beckett: Is that supposed to be a joke, Colonel? Sheppard: Believe me, this isn't funny.

A few things to note here. First, Sheppard once more attempts to make light of something because it is too heavy to deal with. He is freaked out by this, and hence tries to wisecrack his way out of it. Now, there are times when people misinterpret Sheppard just because his tone of voice makes everything sound sarcastic even when it is not his intention. But that is not the case here. His intention was to put his own mind at ease by making it sound like it isn't such a big deal, to trick his mind into thinking that there isn't anything to worry about. But he is not making a joke, and it is testament to how honest he is being with Beckett that he actually admits as much. Beckett does not know him well enough, intimately enough, to understand why Sheppard often resorts to using humour and flippancy to countervail emotionally heavy moments when he does not know how to deal with them. This is a psychological defense mechanism, and an obvious one at that.

Second, Beckett calls him Colonel even now that they are alone together. In the previous episode, we saw McKay call him Sheppard where Beckett called him both Colonel Sheppard and Colonel. This is relevant for this episode, as what Sheppard is called becomes significant with regards to his scenes with Teyla. And there is a lampshade here for what happened in Trinity (S02E06), when we heard McKay call Sheppard Colonel for the first time. They were alone together, as Sheppard and Beckett are now, and Sheppard's response to McKay calling him Colonel had been "That was a joke, right?" Sheppard had not found that very amusing, either. In fact, he seemed pretty damn hurt by McKay calling him by his title. With anyone else, he seems proud and happy to be called that, as it is an acknowledgement of his promotion, of the trust that has been placed in him with his new office. So it is interesting that with McKay and only with McKay he seems uncomfortable being reminded of his station and his position in the military.

Beckett: Give me half a day to run your bloodwork and analyze it with the data we already have. We'll figure it out. Sheppard: And until then? Beckett: You're welcome to look over my shoulder.

Now, the thing is, Sheppard has spent a lot of time watching McKay work. We explicitly see him do this e.g., in Home (S01E09) and Condemned (S02E05), where he literally has nothing else to do but to watch McKay work. And given the hints that he has been bringing McKay coffee and things to eat in his lab, it would seem like Sheppard has done this more than a little. Has been seen doing it. Beckett is McKay's best friend and he certainly might have noticed something going on. He also might just have made the comment because he was frustrated by McKay watching over his shoulder as he worked in the previous episode and quipped himself, knowing that what he had to do here required concentration.

But however Beckett may have meant it, Sheppard one hundred percent heard it as a more or less subtle dig at his habitual need to watch McKay work. Given how cautious Sheppard seems to be about anyone getting any suspicions about the two of them, especially now that Caldwell is again (or still) on base, this does make him freak out a little bit. Had he been too obvious? Did this mean that he could not go directly to McKay's lab from here and watch him work? Whether or not this was an intentional attempt at teasing Sheppard, that is the spirit in which Sheppard understood it.

Sheppard: Yeah, that's tempting, but... Beckett: Just go about your day.

Sheppard's reaction here is mighty weird if we just look at the main-text. What, he thought that Beckett made a genuine offer to let him watch him work and that made him uncomfortable? He thought that Beckett was fucking with him, and he didn't enjoy it? He looks defensive here. Like he thought Beckett had just made a really tasteless comment, had said something that he found offensive and he was having to feign like it hadn't hurt his feelings.

Watching McKay work is tempting to him, for him. It presents him with a temptation, something that he has to resist. And while he does not think that Beckett is out to get them, feels like he can trust Beckett and they were clearly having an easy rapport until this moment, for some reason the concept of watching over someone's shoulder as they work is something that he has no sense of humour about. Sheppard casts his eyes down as he leaves, almost as though he is feeling shame. And the way Beckett looks at him as he leaves is curious, too. Yes, Beckett is clearly concerned. But why the deep sigh? Why does he seem sad?

But if Sheppard was still acting normal while he was with Beckett, in the next scene we find him running with Ronon and this scene is the first one in which we are meant to understand that something about Sheppard is changing. He is not being himself. Sheppard comes to a halt as he reaches the top of what ever walk-way they are running on, seeming barely to have made an effort.

Sheppard: I thought you said you were a Runner!

Where Ronon is exhausted and out of breath, Sheppard seems unaffected. He has not even put up a sweat. He also seems freaked out about why Ronon is suddenly unable to keep up with him, and he is more worried that there is something wrong with Ronon than thinking there is anything different about himself. However, we can tell that he is beginning to change by the fact that the comment he makes is rather callous. He is making a joke this time, but given Ronon's traumatic past of having spent seven years being hunted by the wraith that had earned him the title of Runner, Sheppard's joke here is more than a little cruel. While Ronon is not precisely Mister Sensitive and known to getting his feelings hurt, he does clearly think that it was a dick thing to say.

Dex: That's funny. Sheppard: I can usually barely keep up, what's with you? Dex: What's with you?

Sheppard's scenes with Ronon and Teyla are both meant to show us that Sheppard is changing both physically and mentally. For one, he has increased stamina. He can keep going for longer than he could before, he has no need for a refractory period because he feels no exhaustion. The thing is, we do not know that this was the first thing Sheppard chose to do with his time after leaving Beckett's office. It is probable that even if he had been intending to go visit McKay in the lab, he would not have done it following Beckett's comment, at least not right away. But it is doubtful that he would have had both a run with Ronon and a sparring session with Teyla scheduled for the same day (that they also came back from a mission) originally. That is too much action for one day. With Teyla, he has regular sparring sessions. He tells us here that he has regular runs with Ronon. But he may still have sought out Ronon for something to do that had not been pre-planned. He may have needed something to take the edge off because what he had been doing was not been working.

The "rule of three" suggests that we should have seen Sheppard have a similar scene with Ronon, Teyla and McKay. Observing his behaviour as being different with each three of them would have given us a pattern. All three of them are Sheppard's team members, he does things with all of them. He spends time alone with all three of them. But with one of them, we do not get to see it. And the fact that we get these two scenes of Sheppard with Ronon and Teyla right after Beckett implied that he knew where Sheppard was headed from the infirmary is suspicious. There is something missing.

Sheppard runs with Ronon, he spars with Teyla, and he seems to be able to go on longer than previously and with less effort than before with both of them. There is also a physical activity he occasionally engages in with McKay. And through the negative space here, we are invited to ask whether McKay had a similar experience to the other two that we obviously could not get to see. There is some obvious missing time in the episode that would facilitate something having happened. But it is just as likely that McKay's absence and the lack of scenes with him and Sheppard is done on purpose, that there is a reason why Sheppard keeps himself from McKay--or keeps McKay away from himself, as this is going down.

Sheppard: Water? Hey! Sore loser. I don't act like a jerk when you beat me! Dex: Yes, you do.

So, let's put aside the fact that the loser is "sore" and that "jerk" and "beat" are all mentioned in the same breath, as well as Ronon's suggestive pose as he rests his arms on the railing with his ass up. Sheppard's reaction here is interesting. He offers Ronon water from his water bottle, and as Ronon pours water down his throat Sheppard for some reason seems to think that Ronon is doing this to spite him. What about taking a drink that was offered while you are thirsty is "acting like a jerk"? And make no mistake, it is the way Ronon takes the water from him that Sheppard seems to think is Ronon acting like a jerk because he yelps "Hey!" just Ronon puts the bottle to his mouth. The implication might be that Sheppard does not like him putting his mouth directly on his things and that he should have taken a drink without touching the nozzle, but it is left ambiguous what his problem is.

Something similar may have happened between Sheppard and McKay before this scene (with the difference that Sheppard does not mind McKay putting his mouth on his things). The dialogue certainly is befitting of playing a game or a contest of some kind. It is not impossible for a situation similar to this having been the reason that Sheppard had ended up feeling the need to go running with Ronon in the first place. He clearly had excess energy to burn. They all seem to have trouble keeping up with him as he is now.

Sheppard: OK, then we'll go around again. Dex: You go ahead. Sheppard: OK, grumpy. I will.

Ronon is done, both with running and with Sheppard's attitude, feeling that Sheppard's probably genuine offer of going again and giving Ronon the opportunity to perform like he usually does and kick his ass is condescending. Sheppard likely thinks that Ronon is coming down with something where Ronon has no idea what is going on. Sheppard calls Ronon grumpy, and the name might also befit another member of his team--Ronon might not be the first person he has called grumpy that day. At the same time, Grumpy is the second one of the Seven Dwarfs name-checked episode since he had just called Beckett Doc. We might further cast Teyla as Bashful and Weir, who confesses to needing sleep at the end of the episode as Sleepy. McKay, of course, is Happy given that his name literally means rejoicing, gay. Sheppard himself could be Dopey given that he is taking a drug for most of the episode and confesses to his history with Codeine later, but he also takes on aspects of the Evil Queen in both of her forms, and furthermore, twice in the episode we find him comatose sleeping the "sleep of death," and by the end of the episode, he is seen in bed, perhaps waiting for that love's first kiss. There might be some references to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs here, albeit they have very little bearing on the plot.

For some reason, Sheppard also speaks the words "I will" in almost a whisper as he takes off, seeming unaffected by Ronon's upset. He bare seems to even notice it. Sheppard is feeling good. He has not felt this good in a long time. He manages to hurt Ronon's feelings and he freaks Teyla out, and we never get to see what might have happened with McKay. Should it have been a combination of the things that happened with Ronon and Teyla, it might explain why we do not see McKay for such a long time. Because the context in which it would have happened was more intimate, he would also have been far more affected by it. What ever the explanation, there was a clear need to keep McKay on the back-burner in this episode.

Continued in Pt. 3

[a-tale-of-legends]

Something very important

Luca: Looks like a sparkly magical boy -> is actually surprisingly normal, albeit very traumatized.

Kieran: Looks fairly normal, albeit very shy -> Uh oh.

Gonna ramble about Luca and Kieran bc I'm so normal guys, I prommy.

So. A big part of Kieran's character arc is his own insecurities and self loathing. It's because of these two things that he becomes jealous of the player, projecting onto them badly, especially after the Ogerpon incident. I'm taking that aspect of his character and exploring it.

Some context about Luca: 1) like I said before he looks like he's a magical boy and can act like a shonen protagonist. Pink hair ( wine red the game, but it's dark shade of pink), multicolor swirled eyes ( I need an explanation for that send help-), and a love for exploring and making friends. At first glance, Luca is just this bright light that is always shining. 2) In my universe ( the Legendverse), Luca was there during the darkest day. Along side the trauma of sibling experiencing that as a child, he also had to see his sister take a blow for him, and watching her bleed out. She's okay, she's alive ( she's wheelchairs bound now), but Luca was 8 years old when that happened. To see his sister on the ground,chaos all around him, thinking that she could be dead- that's a lot. And it's made even worse when his father blamed him for his sister's injuries. Which leads to 3) Luca has a tendency to blame himself for things that aren't his fault and is very very adamant on not being a burden to others. What happened to his sister wasn't his fault, obviously. But the guilt still stuck with Luca, and manifested in him not wanting others to do things for him, less he becomes a "burden" all over again. This really shows during the main plot of SV- during the titan quests, Luca is. Honestly terrified of the Titans. They remind him of the dynamax pokemon in Galar and after the Darkest Day is reaction to them has been....bad. He couldn't do the gym challenge like he dreamed of because of it. And while the Titans aren't as big ( I think), they are big enough to make Luca freeze up. Something that he hates, because he agreed to help Arven with his quest, and suddenly he's becoming a burden just like his dad would make him out to be. So he pushes through it, forcing himself to just deal with it,unless he wants Arven to hate him forever. There's a lot more to this, but this is just a major example of Luca's trauma and guilt coming up.

Now with all of that in mind, the Teal Mask was when things kinda shifted. Luca is freshly off the " I'm not a burden even if I'm not helping others" lesson he got from the main game - he's still grappling with it, which will become apparent soon. Luca and Kieran honestly hit it off really well. Luca has a way of gathering introverts and becoming friends with them, and he genuinely, genuinely enjoyed spending time with Kieran ( note: the time frame of the Teal Mask is different than canon in my au. It's longer so there's more time to explore and understand characters better). And Kieran.....Kieran idolized Luca. This isn't saying he never valued Luca, or that their friendship wasn't real- it was!!!!! But it was pretty clear that Kieran saw Luca as how many do at first- this energetic, magical person who gets to go on adventures and have cool battles and be strong. Kieran wished he could be like him. This was the beginning of the end/hj.

The incident with Ogerpon was. Bad. Luca didn't lie to Kieran, not at first. He lied when Kieran initially asked about it, only bc they were in public and Luca was still processing, but he immediately rectify it when the two were in private. Did that change anything? .....No. Not really. Kieran was still avoidant. He still lashed out. Ogerpon still chose Luca. With every second that Kieran was away from the group Luca the entire time was besides himself, panicking if he did something wrong, if he said the wrong thing, or if he should have been more quick to reassure Kieran. Luca loves Ogerpon. But the look of Kieran's face made him wish she didn't choose him. When leaving Kitakami, Luca wasn't as bright as he used to be, replaying the series of events over and over again, always landing on the rage and sadness of Kieran's face, and coming to the conclusion that it was his fault and that he needs to fix it....if he ever gets the chance to anyway. As for Kieran,the resentment pretty much takes full swing. But he never stopped idolizing Luca. He both loves and hates Luca- at least the version of him in his head. The cool, magical boy adventurer that's just so strong. Kieran wants to be strong too. He wants to surpass Luca, in so that maybe, maybe he can prove to others ( and himself ) that he's strong too. He wants to be strong. He has too.

This is basically me saying that neither stopped thinking about each other for the whole summer going into Indigo Disk. Kieran. Tried not to. He hated Luca, of course, so why would he bother thinking of him. Not like Luca was always his motivation to become stronger, no of course not. ( I mean. Okay Luca wasn't the only reason, Kieran always wanted to be strong, so he was still doing this for himself. But the entire situation with Luca pretty much pushed things into overdrive). Luca was just in his sad boy era, his first ever break up, kindergarten divorce,he took the kids,etc etc. He had a support network that did help him, but he. Couldn't not blame himself. He was so determined to make things right, even if he had no idea how just yet.

Indigo Disk was very interesting. Obviously, when Luca learned that Kieran pretty much became a bully, his heart dropped into the earth and blamed himself for it- or at least he would have if R.B ( another oc, who's pretty much a secondary protag in SV) wasn't there. But she was, and she pretty much made sure Luca wasn't spiraling in his own self appointed blame, and made sure he wasn't becoming super pushy in his quest to "fix" things. And because R.B is pretty much saying " Kieran's actions are his own,you shouldn't constantly blame yourself for it", it made Luca see things more....objectively? Kinda. Luca in the indigo Disk is very much a mess - the situation is stressful, between the school drama, him constantly worrying about Kieran and just in general school life. R.B being his anchor is much needed,and with that comes even more feelings bc he's now getting. Frustrated. Frustrated that Kieran is acting the way he does. Frustrated that Kieran isn't willing to talk to him, to talk things out. Frustrated that Kieran seems to put him on this pedestal that he himself feels like he doesn't deserve. Luca never seen himself as a hero. He never seen himself as the magical boy adventurer that's strong and cool - at one point, he wanted to be that. But after everything that has happened to him, I think he's more content being Luca. But Kieran doesn't seem to see that. Which is frustrating. So yeah, now they're both bitter, whoops! Do they still care about each other? Yeah :)

Kieran: I want to be like you. I wish I can be like you.

Luca: You do not want to be me. You do not.

^ pretty much the gist of this arc.

The Area Zero portion of Indigo Disk is something I'm still trying to plan out for my universe,but the main thing to not was how Kieran finally realized he doesn't have to be someone else to be strong. He doesn't have to be Luca. And in doing that, in fighting alongside Luca against terapogos, he finally, finally starts to see him.

This is kinda why I decided to just not immediately go into the two getting together after ID/MM, even if the two are aware of their feelings for each other. You can get to know someone during a relationship, of course, but I think in this context, starting over their friendship, being able to truly see each other and know each other now- I think that's pretty great :).

[zumpietoo]

I might or might not post the latest anon hate.....but suffice to say:

No shortage of hypocrisy (duh)

One recent misconstrued act by yours truly (as I'm endlessly reminded it's been 4 years) is far worse and the cause of everything, even tho, again, stalking of myself and my family, endless hate, etc....as well as announcing "set to destroy Cole" all started years beforehand....

And, ofc, endless....."SH is never getting back together, why can't you move on????"

Umm....dudes? Once again, I'm not just fine with it, I count Cole lucky for his close escape (as does he)....apparently the endless fangurling over Cari is something they struggle to grasp....just as they struggle to grasp that, once again, endlessly cosplaying/copycatting your ex, with a tacky imitation of him, entirely because the tacky imitation publicy tackily imitated him is not "moving forward". Or being over him....nor is befriending his other ex, who used to stalk and cosplay YOU.....

In any event.....the weirder part is how despite the apparent stalking of yours truly, this remains something they still can't grasp....

And, again, yes....I'm free to drag a pack of assholes for lying and criticize behavior a celebrity chooses to make public. And, again, yes, stating you're hellbent on destroying somebody, catfishing as him, sending him and his family death threats, stalking myself and my family, etc.....ARE, in fact, ninety billion times worse.

And all because he dumped your kween/I like him better than her....again, you started it. Apologize and stop lying. I certainly won't be, because I've done nothing wrong....

And nobody cares what you "hoped", but normal people would "hope" you'd grasp reality.

Yes, it's been 4 years.....and no, none of you are "moving forward".....including your kween, her Walmart Cole (for however long their maybe reconciliation lasts) and her cult....

ETA: here's the loon, under the cut (cuz already long and she cray/icky)....almost forgot.....Jeebus most assuredly wouldn't do what you do

[umbrella-ghost-bones]

Long vent post incoming:

I'm so f*ing annoyed right now. I have eczema and I'm going through a bad flair up on my neck and face currently.

I wake up every morning frustrated and embarrassed about my skin and the way I look. But every day I go into public because I have to work for a living. Despite the fact that I know at least one stranger will have the audacity to ask me "what happened to your face" like it's any of their business.

I swear it's only a matter of time before I snap and yell at them about it. But of course then I would be labeled the a-hole for yelling at them. This has literally been going on for years. Like clock work every few months I have a flair up, usually it's on my arms, but once every 2 years my neck freaks out.

It truly drains me. I have considered unaliving myself over it. If it's not acting up, then I'm spending every moment in fear of when the next flair up will start. It has ruined my mental health. It has destroyed any self confidence I might have had. It has demolished my quality of life.

Every time I go to a doctor for it they prescribe my steroid creams. And like I'll use them for the amount of time you're supposed to. But then when I stop my eczema immediately comes back. Then after a while of fighting my skin with that specific steroid cream, my eczema gets used to it. So it stops working. So the doctor has to prescribe stronger steroids. And its just a constant downward spiral of worsening my skin.

Last year I was so fed up I decided I would quit the steroid creams because that wasn't sustainable and I felt I wasn't being listened to by doctors. Especially when I would go to the doctors office and would ask for advice and they would tell me basic stuff I was already doing, and it was clear that I knew more about eczema than them.

But then my skin got really bad, so I started seeing a naturopath (holistic medicine stuff) to see if there were more natural ways to fix my skin (don't come for me and tell me there's no cure, I know 🙄). I was really hoping to maybe learn more about living with my skin, and work closely with a doctor that actually could oversee me specifically. But unfortunately as a broke university student, this got very expensive and I had to stop going after 3 sessions.

So my next move was going to be getting into a dermatologist, because my stupid health coverage i get through my university would cover that. Unfortunately you can only see a dermatologist if you are referred. But the walk-in clinics i was using dont refer you to specialists. So I applied to find a family doctor, as I didn't have one at that point.

That fall my skin freaked out. Worse than I had ever experienced. Something got into my skin and after 3 days from when I first noticed something was wrong, my hands, up my arms, my back, my neck, my face, (and it kept spreading) was covered in pus filled sores. I left work because I couldn't bend my fingers anymore, and I had shooting pain in my arms and hands. I went to the closest walk in clinic to me and they prescribed me antibiotics, and a pill version of the steroid creams. In the past, whenever I take the pills it buys me a few months without my skin freaking out.

Over the winter I was seeing the same doctor every 2 weeks to check up on my skin, and he would change my dosage. My skin was feeling normal and I felt like I got my life back. Then I was unable to schedule my next visit one week and so I was unable to see him again.

Then over spring break my skin came back with a vengeance. This time the pus was up and down my legs, all over my face, back, arms, hands - literally everywhere. It got so bad so quickly I was unable to walk. Everything hurt from it. I went to the hospital and they saw me within 15 minutes (if you have any experience with Canadian hospitals you know that never happens).

Apparently I had picked up a nasty staph infection (lol 🙃). And I was referred to a dermatologist, as well as the infectious disease unit. Unfortunately the I could only get an appointment with the dermatologist in May, and infectious diseases in late June. This is unfortunate because I had already signed my contract with an international school in Thailand (where I live now), and I was leaving Canada 8 days before infectious diseases could see me.

So now, I live in constant worry that it'll come back because I never truly got cleared by someone saying my staph infection was gone. And now my eczema is acting up, and I caved and tried using steroid creams again because I just needed a breather for a second, but it actually made my skin noticeably itchier. So I officially absolutely cannot use steroid creams.

All this to say that I'm very tired of living with my skin, and every time someone asks me about it it makes me very angry.

And if you've made it this far, if you have any tips about working with eczema I will gladly take them. Maybe you'll share something that I didn't know about.

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Wednesday, December 27th, 2023

Why have the past few days been so hard I don't even understand. It's like I know all of the tools to help myself and heal, but like sleeping for example. I know I need to get enough sleep but I keep waking up extremely upset and it's ruining my mornings. I know I need to eat better but I barely have an appetite. I'm on my period and I absolutely fucking hate it. I think I may have some period-related distress disorder or something because this just can't be normal. I wish there was something I could take like an aspirin but instead of pain it would alleviate ridiculous mood swings. My period makes me feel so out of control of my body and so uncomfortable. I'm glad I have found a way to skip it for the most part, but then when I do have one it's 20x worse!!?? So either have it a quarter of the year being a nuisance or 4x a year but terrible?? Idk fml. I feel like a fucking teenager again which is 100% not my fucking speed. I am grown I want to act grown in so tired of bs people and bs situations and bs "how things should go" when it comes to social situations. I don't know how to fucking date anymore and I feel like so FUCKED UP from this past relationship. I'm so used to wringing myself dry, squeezing every drop of myself into someone just to get completely fucked over and forgotten about. I can't do that shit again. But if it's not 100%, what the fuck is it?? 10% 20% 50%? I can't imagine giving 50% of myself to someone I don't fucking know. Maybe like 5% haha. That's expendable, but is that enough to garner anything serious?? Or just a bunch of bs????? Help me please anyone 🙃

7:41am seriously coming to terms with how fucked up my last relationship was. And coming to terms with the fact that it has fucked me uP. I do need therapy tbh that would be an investment for me this year. Idc if it's through the school or not their wait-list is so stupid and long.

I want to be around more women this year, men are just making me lose my fucking mind.

7:21pm just got off of another last minute shift! I called him earlier until he finally picked up bc I can't understand his weird ass games. And weird ass games is 100% correct. He said he "silently cried" in public at his gfs parents house last night bc they kept playing songs that remind him of me.... Bro wtf... I literally don't know what to say to that shit. Then I confronted him about why he took me off everything so abruptly and he basically said that everyone else told him to. He just does whatever everyone else tells him to do, he's such a loser. Then he said that anytime his phone goes off, calls or texts, he gets anxious bc he thinks it's me calling him?? Apparently I make him so anxious now... bc he was the dumb one to get such a paranoid gf a week after we broke up, apparently I'm still the cause of numerous fights between them... Literally tho this is 100% NOT MY FAULT. YOU CANNOT BLAME ME FOR YOUR SHITTY BEHAVIOR. YOU CERTAINLY CANNOT BLAME ME FOR WANTING YOU AFTER YOU TELLING ME REPEATEDLY THAT YOU WANTED ME AND THAT YOU REGRETTED EVERYTHING. HE'S LITERALLY A FUCKING CRAZY NARCISSIST PUSSY BITCH.

I'm fully convinced that he's a narcissist now bc goddamn ALWAYS HE IS THE VICTIM!!!!! This shit is unbelievable!!!!! I don't ever see us getting back together bc like I said previously, the respect is GONE. On top of being an asshole, he literally has no fucking balls and just takes his fragile ego out on anyone he thinks he can treat like shit/ less than him. Goddamn I feel bad for that girl but on the other hand, she gets what she deserves !!! She can have your crazy ass I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this shit anymore!!!! It's like he's reverting backwards too, really acting like a brat ass teenager again, love triangles and generally NOT BEING A MAN AT ALL. Literally he acts like a child with no emotional regulation and it's sad af honestly. It's really just sad. That's why I cry. Not because I miss him, but bc I feel bad that he really is such a fuckup and I thought I could help him. I cry for my own grieving, overly kind heart that I gave to someone so fucking helpless. Beyond help at this point bc there's so many fucking people ENABLING HIS BEHAVIOR. I am literally outnumbered by stupid fucking idiots who think this shit is acceptable. I simply cannot. Good luck bro.

[futuregws]

I don't even know how to start this post all I know is that it's gonna be all over the place. But I guess the first thing I should start with and set the tone for the rest of the rant bc it's gonna be long, is that edissy shippers are gross, and I really don't think i need to explain much bc we have all seen their behavior before and how they are the ones that made the stranger things fandom be so full of toxicity, and if you haven't seen their general behavior look it up on a unbiased page and you'll see bc this post is not gonna focus on their behavior in general I'm gonna narrow it down a little to a specific group of people within the edissy shippers that somehow they manage to be worse but in ways that is blatantly disrespectful to the actors themselves.

I've said it so many times on here before but since this specific rant is about that I think I should say it again, if you wanna ship 2 fictional characters, go for it, if you wanna ship 2 real people that ARE together that's a little less "okay" but they are together so whatever, but now what we are NOT gonna do is ship two people that are not together, simply bc you also ship their characters and if you on top of that are doing this simply to piss off fans that don't like your fictional ship, then you need some help, doesn't matter what type of help but please get some bc this is the behavior of a 10 year old and even for them this is not okay so why would it be for grown ass adults. Shipping Eddie and Chrissy is one thing and I'm not gonna go into that bc I've made it very clear what my feelings are on it and it's not the point, but when you decide to drag this ship to real life and involve Grace and Joe you're a fucking weirdo, y'all can get mad all you want bc at the end of the day it will make it clear why you're getting mad, it's bc you feel called out on it. And if the act of shipping two real life people who are only co workers isn't bad enough then we also have shit like this

What goes through your mind when posting this disgusting shit, oh wait nothing goes through your mind at all bc y'all don't think, going around claiming that Grace and Joe are fucking based on NOTHING, even just bringing that up is gross bc they are co workers and it's weird that you're even thinking about that, and saying that you didn't get to enjoy their fictional versions so now you are gonna use the actors, REAL LIFE PEOPLE, wtf is wrong with you, how can you not see how absolutely disgusting that behavior is, they are human they're not some dolls that you can go around making up stories about and control what they do, and once again how bored do you have to be to wish that they fuck in public just to piss "antis" off, they are not your little puppets that you can control and use to annoy others, and the fact that y'all thought about that wrote it, read it and still didn't see anything wrong, once again please get some fucking help

And this too, wtf is this are you getting that bored with your stupid fictional ship that you decide to go for this, bc babes if you're bored I could give you a list of stuff to do or even games to play but don't be gross and do this type of shit, it's not normal and it's not okay, you are a fucking weirdo and you need to grow tf up, most of you are 25+ and yet constantly act like 14 year olds while the actual 14,15 and 16 year olds are being ten times more mature than you.

And there was even more screenshots I could use but Tumblr has a limit apparently so those are gonna have to work, if you read all this then thank you bc I didn't realize how long this was getting but oh well, and I'm prepared to get attacked I've been before even when calling out gross behavior like this people seem to not want to understand what's good and bad, and if that one person that commented on one of my other posts about this topic sees this, was I being dramatic like you said, please read the screenshots and I dare you to say that shit again bc if you think this is me being dramatic then you can fuck right off bc this is not dramatic if I wanted to be trust me I gladly would

[lazypeachsoul]

I wouldn't want to spend a minute lovin' anybody else.

Warnings: this fic has some sad moments and mentions of the blip. also kind of AU because I'm completely ignoring Natasha's canon end.

Word count: 4,2k (i got very carried away with this fic)

Summary: · Meeting the right person at the wrong time can be life changing when it doesn’t work out the way we desire. But if it's meant to be it will always happen, right?

A/N: This is my fic for the "Women of Marvel xReader Exchange" created by @marvelxreaderfanfictionfest . It was created for @im-holding-ontoyou and I hope you like it! gif by @natasharomanovgifs 🌼 ALSO; i haven't watched Black Widow yet so I'm sorry if something in this fic doesn't fit the new info we got about natasha.

Masterlist.

To be added to my taglist use this forms or write me an ask!

New York, 2015.

When you received the call from one of your bosses that you had a new case you would have never imagined how big that case would turn out to be.

You had been working for one of the most important law firms in New York for a year now, and you were getting kind of used to reading cases that would be narrated in the papers for months. Rich and entitled men, big divorces were they fight over who gets the yacht, one or two murder cases... if it revolved around the powerful people of New York city, your firm would get it.

When you got to the debriefing and were told that Tony Stark, one of the firm's most important clients, asked your team for assistance in the creation of some legislation with the newly created “Advanced Threat Containment Unit” you were more than surprised.

The events that the Avengers had caused (or saved us from, there were different opinions going around) in the small country of Sokovia were known all around the and it was only time before the most powerful officials asked for the regulation of ‘superhero activity’.

You weren’t important enough to actually attend the meetings that took place with the government, seeing as you had only passed your bar exam a little over a year prior, but you were deemed cheerful and nice enough to act as a nexus between the firm and the client.

For months you spent your days talking to Tony Stark and other members of The Avengers trying to explain what was being talked about. The first few meetings were a disaster, seeing as the mood was somber for the lives lost and nobody really understood your legal jargon. But slowly you started to transform your language and really tried to make the meetings as easy as possible for everyone present.

But who were you kidding, they really didn’t care about the meetings or the silly attorney being sent to explain something that was way above their paycheck. Well, at least Stark was gracious enough to set a coffee station with some pastries for the meeting. You were pouring the hot liquid into your to-go cup when your hand jerked and the hot liquid splashed your hand.

You could feel the sting of the burn but avoided further sudden movements trying not to make it worse. Before you could reach for a napkin to clean up the mess you made, a more dexterous and manicured hand reached for them and exchanged the hot cup in your hand for the bunch of papers.

“Careful, Stark always serves boiling coffee. I think it’s to mask that it’s not the best quality.”

You lifted your gaze from your hand and found a pair of deep green eyes gazing back. You would have thought that spending numerous meetings in the company of superheroes would make you less susceptible to their powerful auras, but being this close to Natasha Romanoff made your heart beat a bit faster.

“Yeah, I found out the hard way.” You joked, lifting your hand a bit. “You would guess one of the richest people in the world would actually serve good coffee...”

Seeing her crack a smile made you feel less tense. Sometimes you forget they are still normal people. Normal people who could kill you with their bare hands and had superhuman powers. She placed your cup on the food table, apparently not bothered by how hot it must have been, and pushed her hand in your direction.

“I’m Natasha Romanoff.” You wrapped your hand around hers and shook it, biting your tongue trying not to tell her of course you knew her name. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself in earlier meetings, we were all trying to come to terms with what had happened.”

“No worries, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for all of you.” You nodded and tried to show her sympathy, trying to avoid thinking about all the lives affected by the fight. “Oh sorry, I’m-”

Natasha quickly cut you off, speaking your name before you could even say it. You could feel your cheeks get warmer at the idea that they actually knew who you were, and she probably could sense your mood change because she quickly explained.

“I know who you are, you send us at least two emails a week about these meetings and FRIDAY always announces you before you arrive.”

“Who announces me?” You asked curiously at the mention of a name you recognized.

“FRIDAY. It’s the name of Stark’s AI technology. It works all around the tower and it’s there to make life easier for everyone.” She explained pointing around at the speakers strategically placed around the room.

“Oh, I get emails from Friday sometimes. Most of them are asking me to translate or explain something about the debriefing because Mr.Stark is not interested in legal terms.” Both you and Natasha laughed at the thought.

But she quickly recomposed and tried to look serious again when she heard her teammates coming in to get ready for the meeting.

“I wanted to ask you about that. Do you think we could schedule a meeting so that you could explain some things about the legislation of the A.T.C.U.?” She spoke lower than she had when the two of you were alone and you wondered why she didn’t want her colleagues to know about the meeting.

“Ye-Yeah, of course I can.” You were confused but thought it would be in your best interest, and the firm’s, to say yes to the proposal. And a meeting with a very attractive and definitely interesting woman was not something that happened constantly for you.

“Great, thank you.” She smiled warmly and squeezed your hand that you hadn’t even realized was still wrapped around hers from the introduction. “I can promise you better coffee.”

You could only hum in response, still trying to piece together what she might want from the meeting. But your thoughts were quickly cut off when Stark entered the room and you moved to start the reunion.

During the entire meeting you could feel the dull pain in your hand from the scorching coffee and the feeling of a pair of green eyes watching your every move.

Vienna, 2016.

The situation had only gone downhill from the Battle of Sokovia. The public’s opinion on the Avengers was at an all-time-low and that made terrorist groups bold. They knew that if they struck and caused enough chaos, the blame would fall on the good guys that tried to stop them.

The only thing that seemed to be a stable thing in your life was Natasha. Well, as stable as dating a superhero might be. She was busy a lot, but you understood the importance of her job and you were quite busy too gaining importance within the law firm.

And even if sometimes terrorists and criminals got in the way you still found a moment to spend together, wrapped around each other without having to think about how messed up life was.

You thought Lagos was the blow that would make everything tumble, the Sokovia accords were unveiled and it broke the Avengers, and your girlfriend. You could feel how torn she was at her decision of some of her friends to oppose the signing and go on the run, and her own decision to subordinate to the United Nations mandate. But you realized how small that had been when king T’Chaka was killed at the UN.

You had been at the UN as part of the USA legal team that participated in the writing and monitoring of the accords. Your participation in the negotiations almost broke your relationship but you were able to recover once you explained your position and Natasha actually came to an understanding of it.

Natasha was also in Vienna when everything went down, you hadn’t managed to properly see her because she was one of the signers and they sat at the assembly while other guests sat at the amphitheater watching the retransmission.

You hadn’t been able to properly see her all day, seeing as she took a detour before flying to Austria. You were only able to communicate through texts where you tried to make the situation more comfortable for her and she promised a peaceful european trip to celebrate the signing.

When the bomb went off and all hell broke loose the first thing you tried to do was look for her, she was at the epicenter of the explosion and you just wanted to see if she was okay. You saw her from afar when you were being pushed to the outside of the building while they swiped the perimeter.

She sat with T’Challa before he jumped from the bench and stomped away. Natasha looked around and your gazes crossed, immediately melting away some of the worry. You tried to push your way through the crowd to get to her, but police and security didn’t budge.

You never took your eyes off of her, scared that if you did she would disappear. But she did move her gaze to her phone and the look that crossed her face when she heard the voice at the other side told you it was a very important call.

Once the call was over and she looked at you again you knew that would probably be the last time you would see her in some time. You hadn’t known Natasha as long as some of her colleagues had, but you could proudly say you could understand what she wanted to say with just a look. And the look on her face in that moment read close to a goodbye.

New York, 2018.

It had been two years since the fall of Helmut Zemo and part of the Avengers was still on the run. And it maybe wouldn’t have had that big of an impact on you if it wasn’t because Natasha had also been on the run for that long.

You had heard about what happened at the Leipzig airport and how Natasha had changed alliances to join Captain America’s fight. You had been heartbroken at the news knowing that any resemblance of normality that you still hope for was destroyed.

You had spent months wondering what had made her change her mind. Had she thought about your conversations about the accords? Had she even remembered you, waiting for her back in New York, when she decided to go on the run?

A part of you tried to convince you of how selfish thinking about that was, why would she think about you when the future of her team and friends was at stake? But also you were her girlfriend, she should have thought about the implications that might have had for you.

In those years you had mourned your relationship and after the grieving period you tried to rebuild your life. New friends, a new position and new chances to take. And it went okay...at least until someone opened their mouth to talk about superheroes or The Avengers. Years down the line and it was still on people’s minds.

On special occasions you would receive anonymous gifts at your office or your apartment. The first birthday after the war you sobbed for fifteen minutes when you saw the bunch of flowers. There was no name or indicative of who might have sent them, that was until you looked better at the card and saw the small red hourglass painted in the corner.

The gifts continued. Every case you won, promotion, birthday or holiday a bunch of flowers would be delivered to you with the same note.

In a way it gave you a sense of peace knowing she was okay and still thought of you. But the more you thought about it the angrier you got at how she had left you.

You didn’t expect a message from your boss to run to the Avengers compound and assess some situation between Coronel Rhodes and Thaddeus Ross. Although the team had crumbled, your company was still hired to legally represent the remaining members and moderate situations that might arise with the government.

You entered the compound expecting another bureaucratic complaint about their activity but you found a trickier situation. The meeting room was filled with people you thought you would never see again.

Captain Rogers was sitting on one of the chairs sporting a new look that made you almost not recognize him and a tense demeanor. Next to him was Sam Wilson, looking around at the smallest of movements and trying to assess the situation. Wanda Maximoff was standing on the furthest corner of the room playing with her rings, meanwhile Vision was apparently being checked out for a wound. What kind of wounds a synthezoid could get was beyond your understanding.

“Thank you for coming so quickly, I might have angered Secretary Ross during a meeting.” Rhodey came up to you with a nervous smile.

You had gotten closer to him thanks to your job seeing as he was the one doing the dirty superhero work.

“Yeah, I got that much from the text. Nothing new then.” You tried to joke to diffuse the tension in the room. “It would have been nice to know you had guests though.”

“We are not guests. Last time I checked this was our home too.”

That voice made your blood freeze. You should have expected her there, all her friends had returned and the chance of her being back too was almost 100%. But hearing her voice again after two years was not something you expected.

You bit your tongue before you could talk about how it’s not a home if you abandon it, but decided against it. This was a fight between them, not Natasha and you.

“I need you to work with the government to avoid this situation becoming a disaster.” Rhodey explained and you scoffed.

“Rhodey, I’m a lawyer not a politician. I have as much power in this as you might have.” You tried to lay your point across but it was difficult with all eyes on the interaction. “Hell, I have even less power than you do.”

“Then I need you to distract them enough to get them off our shoulders.” He pressed. “Something big is coming and we need all the strength we can get.”

You thought about it for a moment. If it was true that something big was coming, the Avengers were the best option to fight it.

“I’m in.” You scoffed at his smile and sat down in one of the chairs of the meeting room. “I’m not ready for the world to end yet.”

The meeting went on for a while. You called bosses, government officials and everyone that would listen to your distractions. You sent emails that would flood their inboxes for days so that they couldn’t read any news that might reach them about what the superheroes had in mind.

It was late at night when a cup of steaming liquid was placed next to you. You looked at it and saw that it was some kind of herbal tea, probably made to relax the drinker. You followed the hand that was still holding the mug until you reached Natasha’s face.

You had done your best to ignore her looming presence in the room but now there was no distraction. Looking at her you could see tiredness in her face. She was platinum blonde now, a look that weirdly suited her, but her face still looked as welcoming to you as it always did.

You tried to stop the flashbacks to the last time you saw it in person in Vienna, but they kept replaying in your head until her voice broke you out of the loop.

“I thought you might need it, I remember how nervous calls used to make you.”

She was smiling but you could tell it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah, I guess I got over it since I got my promotion. Now I spend a long portion of my day making calls.”

She hummed and sat down next two you, but leaving a chair in between you as a safe space.

“I read about it in an article, I sent you flowers to celebrate.”

“I got them. And the Christmas ones. On my birthday too.” You enumerated the times you had gotten the plants in the past two years. “You must have spent an awful amount of money buying me so many flowers.”

“You deserved it, you still do.” She shrugged and that’s when you noticed she had her own mug of warm tea in her other hand. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to celebrate with you.”

You laughed into your mug sarcastically. Out of everything you expected her to say this wasn’t one of them.

“Did you really? Because you didn’t seem to consider me much when you went on the run for two years.”

Natasha paled when she heard your tone. She probably wasn’t used to situations like these but you weren’t going to let her go without an apology at least.

“I was trying to do the best for-”

“-for the world. I get it, Natasha, I do.” You tried to contain your emotions but it was getting harder with every word. “Relationships are supposed to be teamwork. I know you are always too busy playing heroes and I never judged you for that, I just wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me before you disappeared.”

She was silent and knowing Natasha it’s because she was probably overwhelmed with the display of feelings. But she needed to hear how bad you had felt.

After minutes of waiting for an answer from her and getting nothing but sighs you shook your head and looked back at the computer screen.

“I guess it was a case of the right person, wrong time.” You shrugged trying to find distraction in the flurry of letters in your email inbox. “Or at least it was for me.”

She got up from her seat without a word and you grew exasperated. Why had she even approached you if then she wasn’t willing to have an adult, two sided conversation? She was almost at the door when you heard her voice again.

“Please never doubt how much I love you. I made some bad choices but dating you was not one of them.”

New York, 2024.

Time apparently flies by when you are erased from the face of the earth. One day you are in your office working late and the next you appear five years in the future with no recollection of what might have happened.

You were taken by authorities to impromptu camps and one by one examined to check your identities. The entire thing seemed to be something out of one of the dystopian novels you used to read as a teenager.

When it was your turn you gave them all the information you had on what had happened. You had given them your name and personal information and apparently had been a very searched person because the computer started beeping as soon as your name was introduced in the database.

You were moved to a secluded part of the camp and kept in an isolated room for god knows how long. Your stomach was in knots during the entire situation and you could feel the cold sweat on you. That mixed with the metallic taste on your tongue you knew this time your anxiety was justified. You were almost dizzy because of how hard you were thinking about the entire situation and trying to make sense of it.

When you heard the door of the room open you jumped up, discarding on the floor a makeshift blanket that had been placed on your shoulders when you got there. Your legs almost gave out at the movement and your heart felt like it was going to burst out.

The door opened enough for you to see who had been searching for you. Natasha stepped through the door still dressed in her tactic gear and with tiredness written all over her face. But that feeling seemed to almost disappear when she finally saw you.

With quick movements she stepped into the room and wrapped her arms around you tightly. For some reason that action was the trigger that you needed to let all your emotions consume you.

You started sobbing uncontrollably at the unknown. You didn’t understand what happened or how you are here, but feeling her embrace helped you feel safe in a way. It had been years since you last hugged her but it still felt as good as back in 2015.

You could hear Natasha’s soothing shushes in between your sobs and you moved to hold her tighter.

“You are here. I can’t believe I found you again.” She spoke softly and you didn’t know if she was speaking to you or herself. “It’s okay darling. I’m here and I’m not letting you go again. I promise.”

And with that promise a ray of hope made way between all the fear you felt.

Missouri, 2025.

Soft music could be heard all around the ground floor of the house. The soft beat was upbeat enough to get the morning started but not enough to be overwhelming if you had just woken up. You were sitting on the kitchen island looking at the news on your phone and having breakfast.

Mornings were usually very calm around the homestead and you couldn’ be more thankful for that. It allowed you to silently prepare your breakfast and coffee and get a headstart on Natasha’s breakfast too.

Since she had retired, Natasha had discovered a newfound love for sleeping in and you didn’t dare to take that away from her. She deserved it from all the work she had done in her life.

You, meanwhile, tried to get up early to scroll through the cases that you got in your new and smaller job and schedule meetings or emails.

It was a Saturday so work wasn’t a thing and you could actually enjoy your toast and coffee in peace. Or at least until a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your middle and pulled you back against Natasha.

“Good morning baby, how did you sleep?”

“Like a baby.” You could feel her smile when she kissed your cheek from behind. “You weren’t there when I woke up though.”

You shrugged before moving to get a bite out of your toast. Natasha tried to do the same but you quickly moved it away from her with a smile. She tried again and you moved as fast as your reflexes allowed you.

“C’mon baby, give me a bite” “No, it’s my toast. You can make your own.” “But it tastes better when you make it.” “No it doesn’t, don’t be lazy.”

The playful fight continued for a few moments until she got close enough to get a small bit but you moved it again.

“Don’t make me bite you, darling.”

You chuckled at her threat and plopped the remaining toast on the plate in front of you. Breakfast didn’t matter much anymore. You threw yourself into her arms and pressed your lips against hers. It wasn’t a slow and sensual kiss, it was closer to how small kids smooch their parents. But you knew it would convey your love more deeply.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Nat.” You spoke against her lips and squaked when you felt her playfully nip at your bottom lip.

“Is now a good time?”

That question had become recurring in your household, a nod to the phrase you said when you found eachother again after being separated the first time.

“I couldn’t think of a more perfect time.”

And you couldn’t. The rest of your life spent in a homestead with your girlfriend and whatever life might bring? It sounded absolutely delightful.

Taglist: @tagehaya @flyforeverfree @rooskaya-yelena @evalynanne @insanitybyanothername @princessayveke @yelenabelovasgf @kyli314

[onmykneesforhotdilfs]

Oooh i'm gonna with #3 please! And Valtor as a bartender.

He truly loathed his job.

The disgusting smell of cheap drinks spilled on the bar mixed with the stench of sweat and cheap perfume, from grinding bodies on the dancefloor and humping barely-legals in the corner, made him nauseous. The music was loud to the point his heartbeat developed arrhythmia whenever a bass boosted song played through the obnoxious sound system. To make matters worse, one of the speakers was set directly above the bar and Valtor was sick of buying earplugs every week, because if he didn’t use any protection, he’s pretty sure he would go deaf before he hit 40 and he once again cursed himself for forgetting them at home.

A particularly high note came on, and the crowd cheered while Valtor cringed as he felt the microscopic hairs in his ears, sensitive to high notes, shrivel up and die. He rolled his eyes as he spotted a tall blonde dragging taller brunette towards the restroom. Apparently, couples basically dry humping each other on the dancefloor and sucking their faces off in the corners wasn’t enough, so universe also decided to throw in a couple about to commit an indecent act in a public bathroom?

He was just about to call one of the bouncers when it hit him – he doesn’t care. Oh well. What can you do?

A woman, wearing something Valtor could only describe as lingerie, came to the bar and ordered a fruity cocktail and for the umpteenth time, he wondered how his life turned into this? How did he go from graduating on a prestigious college, having a stable job and a fiancée, to wiping down spit from the counter top on a Saturday night.

He used to be a successful attorney, his yearly salary reaching up to five-zero figure, a stable relationships, loving girlfriend and more, and yet, all of that collapsed under the enormous weight couple of words held.

His hands worked on autopilot, mixing the necessary drinks while his thoughts were miles away.

Now, whatever’s left of his past life lives in a small condo across the town and Valtor chuckled at the irony of life giving him lemons while he chopped one to mix it into the cocktail. He squeezed the juice out of the poor fruit, with probably more force than was necessary, getting some of it on his shirt in the process.

“What are you chuckling about?” The woman was leaning over the counter, her chest basically spilling out of her dress as she played with the ends of her dark hair.

Valtor raised an eyebrow as he bent down to retrieve one of the decorative umbrellas. “Nothing that would be of interest to you.” He saw her flinch in surprise at the rather sharp tone he unintentionally used. “Miss.” He added as an afterthought, hoping it would make him look less abrasive. Unhappy customers don’t tip well after all.

“Oh. Well maybe it does interest me. You’ll never know unless you try.” The woman smiled flirtatiously while her fingers continued twirling the strands of her hair. “I’m Mitzi, by the way.” She offered her hand to him.

Valtor only quirked an unamused eyebrow. “I don’t remember asking for your name.” The smile was quick to disappear from her face and she snatched her hand back like it’s been burned.

He closed his eyes as his tongue, once again, proved to be faster than his brain. It’s what got him into trouble a lot of times and this one might’ve just taken a cake because if the girl went to complain to his boss, he’d be in a world of shit. “I was trying to be nice, but it seems to me you’re too much of an asshole to appreciate it.” Mitzi gritted out with obvious false confidence because a fierce blush was very much present on her face. This obviously didn’t happen to her a lot.

First time for everything, Valtor thought.

“What I would really appreciate, Mitzi,” Don’t do it, “is if you could stop your 36C's, that you stuffed into a 34B bra, from spilling all over my counter.” You absolute moron! “I have to wipe it.”

Now you’ve done it.

Mitzi turned even reader, and Valtor wondered if he should start dialing an ambulance just in case, but she only snatched the drink he placed in front of her and threw a 5$ bill in his face. “Jerk!” And just like that, she was gone.

“Have a nice evening!” Drop dead.

He rolled his eyes and took a glass that needed wiping just to occupy his hands for a minute because he felt like a coiled string, just about to snap and burn everything in its path.

“I have to say,” girl’s voice reached him, “you just fixed my evening.” Valtor lowered the glass to the solid surface and turned to face the owner.

His brain short circuited.

Though her body was mostly obstructed by the counter, he could see that the navy blue slip dress she wore draped beautifully across her slender figure. She was also incredibly short that even standing up straight, in what Valtor assumed were ridiculously high heels, she was at least head and a half shorten than him. But the most obvious, and striking thing about her, was her red hair. Valtor never even thought that hair could be as vibrant as hers.

In his almost 35 years of life, Valtor has never seen someone as interesting as the girl standing in front of him.

When he finally shook himself out of his stupor, and when it became painfully obvious he was making her uncomfortable with his gawking (really, there was no other word for it), he smiled and spoke. “Well, I’m pleased to hear that because it will undoubtedly ruin my life.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about her reporting you.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Her ego is too big for her to accept she just got rejected.”

“You know her?”

There was something nostalgic in her smile. “I used to know her… or maybe I just thought I know her.”

Valtor observed the unusual girl in front of him. In his several years as a bartender and even before, he developed quite a knack for reading people. She seemed, to him at least, like one of those lost souls that recently had their world turned upside down but tried despite to appear normal. You and me both. “Would you like something to drink?”

Her head snapped up and her electric blue eyes met his. “Oh! Yes, um,” she fidgeted slightly, her hands wringing together and picking at her nails, “anything with vodka.”

He nodded and turned his back on her to find a bottle of the best vodka the club had to offer. He didn’t know why he suddenly paid so much attention to what he’s mixing into drinks but something pulled him towards this girl like gravity and he was too weak to resist it. “Straight?” He asked without turning around.

“Ummm, that’s a bit personal don’t you think? I mean, I just met you.” Valtor stopped what he was doing and turned his head so she could see the confused frown on his face. “I don’t even know your name. As far as I know you could be a serial killer.”

It downed on Valtor what she was talking about and he chuckled at her adorable rant. “I meant the Vodka.”

Her lips shaped into a silent “O" and he saw how her neck and face turned red from embarrassed. She moaned and buried her face into her hands. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He picked the bottle and turned back around so he was facing her. He extended his unoccupied hand across the counter top. “I’m Valtor.”

She shook his hand, her hand incredibly small in his huge one, blush still present on her cheeks. “Bloom. And yes, straight vodka is fine.”

“I’ve only seen Russians drink vodka by itself.”

“I’m quarter Russian. My mom’s dad is from Russia.” Valtor nodded along as he fixed her a drink.

“Impressive.”

“it’s really not. It only made me the laughing stock of the entire class.” She took the glass filled with clear liquid, their fingers brushing together on accident, and Valtor felt a spark rushing up his nerve endings. “But, I can drink most people under the table so I guess I should be grateful.”

Humor was obviously one of the things she used to deflect the pain and trauma bullying inevitably caused. “Your hair is very… unusual. Natural?”

She nodded. “Yup. This is one of the things I inherited from grandpa.”

“Sorry if that made you uncomfortable, it wasn’t my intention.”

“No no, don’t worry.” Her lips wrapped around the edge of the glass as she took a sip and closed her eyes to savor the feeling of burning liquid sliding down her throat. “It’s actually one of the nicest things someone has said to me about my hair.”

Valtor looked at her with a small smirk on his face. “That bad, huh?”

“You don’t want to know.” Bloom tilted the glass and took a large swing of the drink, only a small amount remaining at the bottom. “What about you?”

Valtor shrugged. “What about me?”

“You have an unusual hair too.”

Indeed. His long strawberry blond hair was tied in a ponytail, but unlike herself, he loved his hair and didn’t particularly give a damn what anybody else thought about it. “I don’t really care about somebody else’s opinion and neither should you.”

“I’ve stopped that long time ago.” Valtor nodded towards her almost empty glass and she slid it towards him for a refill. “But you know, scars remain.”

He nodded. “That I do know.” Valtor saw another guy coming up to the bar so he excused himself. As soon as he moved away from her, the unpleasant sensations that accompany prolonged presence in a loud room came rushing back like a rogue train and Valtor felt the onsets of a headache forming. He served the guy and returned to Bloom who was now nursing her drink instead of knocking it back like the first time.

“So what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

She quirked one eyebrow. “A girl like me?”

“Not to be rude, but this doesn’t seem like your cup of tea.”

She laughed. “It’s my friend’s birthday. She dragged me here against my will while promising she’ll stay with me the entire time. It took me turning around for her to vanish without a trace with her boyfriend.”

“That friend of yours,” he started, “wouldn’t happen to be a tall blonde dragging a brunette with her?”

“That’s her.”

Valtor made a face. “I don’t think you’ll be seeing a lot of her tonight.” His eyes slid to the direction of the restroom.

Bloom followed his gaze and she groaned when she saw where her friend went to. “Not this again.”

“Again? This happens a lot?”

“Unfortunately, it happens more than I would like to.” She rubbed her forehead.

“Right,” he drawled, “because who doesn’t like seeing their friends going at it.” Sarcasm was dripping from his words.

“How long have they been in there?” She asked while looking at her wrist watch.

“Fifteen minutes or so.”

“Damn animals. I’m never coming to the club with her again.”

An amused chuckle escaped him. “That’s not the first time you’ve said that, am I right?”

She smiled and took a sip of vodka. “Nope.”

Just as he opened his mouth to ask her another question, her blonde friend wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Valtor’s eyebrow did a backflip. How she managed to avoid detection while leaving the bathroom was beyond him.

“Damn Bloom, I leave you alone for five minutes and you’re already seducing hot bartenders!”

“Stella! First of all, I am not seducing anybody,” Maybe not intentionally, “secondly, it’s been almost twenty minutes and thirdly, what happened to your promise of not ditching me? And the moment I turn around, you’re already gone?”

Stella, if Valtor heeard correctly, giggled. “Oh live a little Bloom. Besides, it’s not like you were in a bad company.” Her eyes ran over Valtor’s form. “In fact, I wouldn’t mind taking a bite out of that.” She ogled Valtor like a piece of chocolate cake.

“I’m standing right here.”

“Okay, that’s enough for today! We’re going home.” Bloom grabbed her purse and was about to pull out her wallet when Valtor raised his arm to stop her.

“It’s on the house.”

“But Blooooom,” There was really no words to describe the sound that exited blonde’s mouth, “we just got here.”

“The fact that you're talking about having a threesome with a stranger says enough about your state.”

“I’m pretty sure Brandon wouldn’t mind.”

“Okay, time out. Let’s go.” She turned towards Valtor, a small card between her fingers. She leaned over the counter while one of her arms stayed behind, supporting her friend. “Thank you.” She slipped the card into his hand. “Call me if you wanna talk sometimes.” And with that, she spun on her heel and dragged Stella towards the exit.

Valtor stood in shock, not knowing how to react for a few minutes, staring at the business card in his hands.

Bloom Peters MD.

He shook his head, hand safely pocketing the precious cargo before he picked up the glass she’s been drinking from and turning around to wash it. The sound of retching caused him to turn around in time to see some wasted man empty the content of his stomach on an obnoxious red carpet. The stench of vomit mixed with other delightful aromas and Valtor was once again reminded how much he hated his job.

[the-ghosts-sys]

oh boy, full circle huh?

go dormant anonymously expressing all my angst on tumblr, come back and we're anonymously expressing our experiences on tumblr.

my system is self conscious. full circle again I suppose.. they don't want me to be public yet because they've split twice recently and me coming back they're afraid they'll face more judgement. Franny has this friend who (trigger warning ⚠️ S.H.) was more concerned that Franny had a healthy relationship with Meloy and Gee than he was then Franny relapsed in se1f h@rnn. that same friend sat Franny down and was like "you've split twice in like three weeks and before you started embracing this still you only split once, it seems like it's getting worse" and like, his words really fucked with Franny even though like - they're stupid.

he's not educated, he WANTS a dissociative disorder but acts like it's a game and something he'll have complete control over and like - idk a lot of us are pissed at him but like, we don't have many friend options right now.

umm... but yeah I'm back... the girl I love is dead apparently, but my emotions are shut off from that right now. yeah... shut off from that.

anyway I woke up this morning full of piss and vinegar and Franny was like "who the hell is this?" and everyone was like "not me" and they uh.. were concerned haha. Jove has been talking to me, so she was able to tell them who I am because I just wanted to sleep in and not do the whole "Hi guys" thing.

my name is Lynn, although apparently now we have negative association with that name so maybe I'll switch to my last now Kas. kinda hate both of them tbh - now that we're talking about the whole gender thing and being open I have a lot to re-work through. wish the girl I love was here to work thru it with, but ayo she's dead.

I went dormant June 21st 2017, now August 20 2022 I'm back I guess. they want Lily back.. I mean don't we all - but I think they need to chill a bit. don't gotta solve all the world's problems right away.

(tw: eating issues) I uh - I have not worked thru any of the eating-based-trauma the rest have so uh.. I'm so hungry but that's just like, normal yaknow? Meloy is like "bitch eat" haha, but none of them want to take front from me because it's kinda a big deal being back. Gee has been silent... I hope she's not mad at me for how things were - I honestly don't know if I was the ass to Gee or if it was Harley or Franny - the memory thing is kinda a shitshow at present.

*sigh* God there's soooo much to figure out and I've wasted our whole morning laying in bed haha - but I'm enjoying the peace of knowing when I open the door I won't have to hide from my parents. I don't think Franny's partner will judge us... but I don't know these people the memory thing is a shitshow, so I'll stay quiet for now. there's a friend, we'll call them Confidant, and something in me is saying to message Confidant but honestly I'm content not being known. being known sounds exhausting.

[echo-three-one]

Whatever It Takes : RELOADED

Ghost fights his hurt feelings and discovers something in the process. Could this be the key to locating Samantha?

Table of Contents

Previous Chapter : Delayed Flight

Chapter 18 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️

Lurking in the Shadows

Simon "Ghost" Riley

Task Force 141 - Disbanded

400 meters east of Safe House 110197, Brazil

Ghost checked his phone by the hotel nightstand. It's 3:34 am and not a single notification from the team. They probably believed he was out to get intel and didn't bother to look for him. He was fine with that.

"What time is it?" a female groan murmured beside him as she circled her soft arms around his bare chest.

"3:34" he whispered, making the girl giggle as he ran his hand on her hair.

"We aren't supposed to be cuddling like this, remember?" She said, sighing as she got up slowly. Ghost immediately followed, groaning as well.

"I'm sorry Alexandra. It's just…"

"Don't worry. I know this sounds too odd for you at the moment. To be honest I got carried away too…" the interpol agent frowned and wrapped herself up with a towel, making her way to the showers. Ghost trailed his eyes at her and sighed.

"What have you gotten yourself into, Simon?" he murmured and turned to his phone, rereading their conversation.

It was as clear as day that they both agreed to this whole "No strings attached" thing together and he only said yes because he was too broken about France. He needed someone who could treat him well but this was the closest thing he could find. 

Sure, he had no regrets about the woman, she was amazing, but while his body was happy, the heart yearned for something more. It was getting worse every day especially when he woke up to see the two lovebirds chasing against each other around the house.

Just as he placed his phone beside hers, Alexandra's notification tone beeped and her screen lit up, as it showed a message from an unknown number.

Simon wanted to take a peek but the message itself is encrypted, his mind wandered more as the security detail of such a message meant that it was of high importance. It might've been from the EMP machinery they're still investigating on which could also be a lead to Nero. He's debating whether he's going to ask her for information just as he intended to, but he's scared that she'll think he's just using her.

"Hey, you got a message." Simon called her from the bed. 

"Who's it from?" she asked, her voice was faint as the shower sounds concealed it. Ghost wore his pants and grabbed her phone, leaning by the bathroom door as he announced the details.

"It's encrypted." he murmured. The water stopped pouring and the shower curtains peeked open.

She didn't even bother how she looked as she quickly wiped off her fingers and grabbed her phone.

"Shit." she cursed scrolling to the contents of text, which Ghost observed as very lengthy.

"Wh-" he paused and hesitated. He didn't tell her of their little rogue act so any questions might come off as suspicious.

"Shepherd wants to exchange Samantha for the I.P. Address." she mumbled, looking at Ghost.

"What's his deal?"

"To fund his EMP Nuke that he'll get from Nero." she replied as she continued scrolling.

"With New York already in chaos, the President would most likely be desperate enough to fund this, now that the economy is in shambles."

"What's stopping them from fighting against the New York attacks?" 

"We have no idea where the small EMP interferences are, and our strongest lead is that the missing persons are being manually controlled to travel and situate themselves near the stock exchange where they blindly emit blasts through their phones. Like the one we found back in Europe." 

"They walk and interact like normal civilians, so with millions of people around the city. It'll look like we're looking for a needle on a haystack." She added, wrapping herself with a towel and quickly dressed up.

"Where are you going now?" He asked as she walked past him.

"I'll try to talk some sense into someone who can talk some sense to the president. The EMP nuke is not a joke." She spat, the worry in her eyes made Ghost want to console her. But now was not the time for that.

"Can I ask a question?" Ghost said.

"Be quick." She said, putting on her jacket and collecting her stuff.

"Do you have any idea where Shepherd is?" 

~

The sun wasn't up when Ghost decided to return to the Safe house. He expected that it'll still be closed but it looked like Price and Jack were already sipping coffee by the balcony.

"Where have you been?" Price asked, his tone wasn't that strict so Ghost decided to lie.

"I just took a walk around the town." he replied, hoping that there will be no more follow up questions.

"For Twelve hours. Okay." Price noted as Ghost got inside the house. Ever since he started this little team of rogue soldiers, Price became protective. And Ghost knew that it was bound to happen. Any injuries under his care will not be funded by any higher department and they need to be careful.

He immediately accessed their little command center and began searching. He got two locations to research on, and he needed to act fast.

He did the best he could, hacking into public and unsecured CCTV footage, squinting his eyes over the poor quality videos just to look for Samantha. She was last spotted in Moscow about 30 minutes ago. Ghost had to admit his cryllic knowledge is a little low and his fingers were trembling in panic. He needed help.

He slowly creaked the door open and saw Alex, Soap and Roach peacefully sleeping, Roach was upside down and clung onto Alex's metal leg, a sight worth taking a photo on but he didn't. It almost made him guilty to wake John up, but knowing the guy, he'll understand the urgency.

"Psst." he nudged his shoulders. It felt very awkward now that he's still frustrated about the guy winning France's heart but he needed to act professional, besides no one but Alex knows about his emotions toward the duo.

Soap groaned and slowly opened his eyes, flinching at the skull face that woke him up.

"Bollocks!" he exclaimed, making Alex and Gary shuffle and reposition while Ghost quickly pulled his mask and shushed him.

"Sorry Soap. But I need your help." he whispered as he slowly got up and collected himself following him outside.

"What about?" his heavy accent echoed against the quiet halls while he rubbed sleep off his eyes.

"Russian Alphabet." 

"Okay." he murmured lazily. "What for?" 

"A lead on Samantha." he said. The expression on Soap's face changed from sleepy-scotsman to what-are-we-waiting-for as he jumped to the control center and began typing.

The two teamed up together translating codes of texts and typing commands on different kinds of webcams all across Russia, all they had was a barely readable plate number of a black van which allegedly housed Samantha and three of Shepherd's men which were designated to protect her.

Hours passed and they barely got through any possible lead. The rest of the team woke up one by one and slowly helped the duo. Once Alex woke up, they got another additional pair of hands to help and it made them more efficient. If only Ghost knew that Alex knew Russian, it would've been less awkward. But then again, he needed this kind of interaction with Soap, so he could finally be comfortable around them.

Then there it was. The first solid lead with Samantha's face on it. A hotel not far from the airport. Alex couldn't help but creep his head close to the monitor, his eyes had that longing look on the blurry screen. He was sure it's her.

They later reported their findings to Price and Jack, and it was indeed a lead worth pursuing. But when asked how they got such info overnight, they all turned to Ghost to which he said that it's still within the phone's encrypted messages. Price and Jack nodded and Ghost sighed in relief. He didn't want anyone to know about his little fling.

"Then let's have breakfast and have a little briefing after. I'll make calls to Nikolai to arrange us a visit to his homeland." Price announced as everyone, especially Alex's, face lit up and felt energized. 

HAPPY TRAVELER INN PARKING AREA

MOSCOW, RUSSIA

8:52 PM

Ghost set up his little command set up at the back of the van. The plan was easy, Alex, Soap and Roach sneaked inside her room, silently knocking down the three guards, taking their clothes and escorting her back to the van to safety. While Price would take down their driver and replace the getaway vehicle with this one. 

The group of five didn't bring any weapons so as to not raise suspicion, after all they're just sneaking Samantha from Shepherd's hands. No need for violence.

"Can you hear me, lads?" Ghost muttered softly against the microphone.

"Loud and clear, mate." Gary responded.

"Yes pal." Alex commented.

"Aye lad. I can hear ye." Soap added.

Price gave a thumbs up from the driver's seat. Ghost pressed some buttons and after a few moments, he now had access to the whole building's cameras and some controls. 

"Chuckles, I'm in." Ghost commented to which Gary snickered. It looked like he was the only one who understood the reference. 

"Okay lads. The janitors are on their break. They're inside that incoming elevator." Ghost informed as he looked at the live feed. The three carefully grabbed the janitors without intention of hurting them. Carrying some rope and cloth, they quickly tied the janitors and hid them on a blind spot away from the camera's eyes. Ghost could hear Alex muttering something to the three in Russian, he couldn't translate it fully but it had the word sorry, don't worry and okay in it. After that, they immediately wore their janitor uniforms and the janitors were already on their way to the 10th floor.

"I don't have cameras inside the rooms. But your hallway is clear."

"Okay. Your ride home is ready." Price muttered, Ghost never noticed the old man exit the van but apparently he already took care of the driver.

"Great. It's all on you three now. Let's save Samantha." Ghost said as the cameras show three janitors knocking on Samantha's room.

Next Chapter : Vlad the Janitor

Notification Squad my Beloved

@samatedeansbroccoli @smokeywhalee @ricinbach @enderio @beemybee @whimsywispsblog

[erensnubs]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑴𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒐𝒖

Colt Grice x F! Reader Dystopian AU

Chapter 3

Word Count: 1.3k

"Uh hey? You seem lost in thought. "

You shook your head to focus your gaze to the man in front of you. Sandy blonde hair, tall, strong build, and murky green eyes. Considering his body type you assumed he worked somewhere on the Garrison Regiment or one of those cowards, correction, Military Police. 

"Yeah, uh do I know you?" 

Strangers always approach you when you go out in public. You like to joke how it's because of your adoring looks and alluring aura, but in truth it's just because, 

1. You lived with Levi (the ladies are crazy for him)

2. People gossip about you, Hange, Levi, Erwin and Moblit thinking all of you are in some sort of love pentagon

3. You were in the news when you gave Public Health Service Announcements from the government

4. This usually applied to men, some women but not only did you have a wealthy salary, you had a reputation and apparently people like that

"No, I just wanted to talk to someone. It gets tiring to talk to the rich folks," he said sheepishly. 

You looked at him inquisitively. The man didn't know who you were.

"Why does it tire you?" 

He sighed and walked over next to you and leaned himself on the wall, "They push the same agendas all the time and they talk about trivial, stupid things. It's the same thing over and over again." 

He gestured by raising his pointer finger and circling it around in the area, "It gets tedious and they act like it's so important and hilarious every time." 

Then he turned to look at you, "But you out of all the people I've seen. You didn't really talk that much only to yourself. What are you thinking about?" 

His questions startled you as your eyes squinted and tried to analyze this man. He saw what you were doing and his green eyes followed yours, like you were playing a game of cat and mouse. If that's how it's going to go, you thought. I guess I'll play. 

"Why do you ask? Did my mutterings seem incoherent to you?" You countered. 

He smiled, "No, it's just you seemed so at peace by yourself, I had to ask what you were thinking about for a person as busy as yourself to be so calm."

Ah so he did know you. So much for having a normal conversation. Not that it was normal in the beginning. 

He looked at your disinterested expression and started to apologize profusely, " Oh shit, I didn't mean to offend you. You were just walking around and talking to lots of people… you looked busy and important that's what I'm attempting to say." 

Your mouth parted slightly then you slowly closed it. Who was this man? Why was he so straightforward?  

Good job probably fucking up your chances with talking to her. 

Colt POV Fuck. 

She didn't answer and I could feel blood pumping through my head and my face heating up. 

Was she disinterested in me? Tired or bothered? Even worse did I come off to her as a "nice" guy that was just trying to get into her pants? 

The silence between us was tangible, I felt like I could grab it and wring it out to try and continue this conversation. 

I didn't even know this woman's name and yet she still captivated me. 

Maybe it was the way she walked up the stairs of the Opera House, her head up high and unfazed. Maybe it was when I locked eyes with her for a split second, before her attention was turned to someone else. Maybe it was the way she smiled so fakely at these people that I wanted to laugh out loud, at her and the fact they couldn't tell it was fake. 

Maybe it was the contagious laugh she had, the way her passive personality changed when surrounded by friends. Or the way she flirted with people. 

I could tell I sounded like a creep but I've seen her before moving to "Paradis". She was on the news, vigorously explaining concepts, ideas things I never would've thought of in million years. The way she spoke with such passion and feeling about these people's lives, which up until a year ago, I couldn't care less about. 

This woman standing next to me, who was probably bored out of her fucking mind, inspired me to find a job in the government, specifically the research and weapons development department. I was still interning at various places before I actually started, but I'm making progress… I'm getting there. 

It wasn't her intelligence, or her passion that captivated me. It was her passiveness… her "wallflower" persona if you will, that she puts on to mask, to observe. Why would someone as powerful in wealth and government act that way? How did her personality change from laid-back to bright? Her flexibility confused me and I wanted to find out more. She had the ability to make me be passionate about something other than pleasing my parents…. Why was she so reserved?

Maybe I thought,I  shouldn't make assumptions. Yes she was my inspiration, but I didn't even know who she was, what her name was. Living in Marley, we didn't have information on the government officials like the people here so their names were always:

Commander of the Survey Corps

Military Commandant of the Military Police 

Or hers: 

Head of Research and Data Department 

I only knew a title, and a face to match but now I'm looking at her in the flesh. Her presence was underwhelming, but there was a weight to it that I couldn't understand. Was it melancholy? Or was she just a complete mystery to me? 

And voila, here I was invited by my manager at the research center for the Science Museum taking me as his plus one, to this formal event. 

And here she was, my BIGGEST inspiration, my literal REASON why I wanted to work for the government and I can't even say shit to her? 

"I was thinking about possibilities and outcomes for a certain person if I told them to do something," she says finally. 

The silence broke, and she looked at me, leaning her head against the wall tilting her face in an alluring expression. Her eyes looked glazed, from the glowing light and I couldn't help but stare at that calm expression. The golden lights of the chandelier reflected on her eyes and they seemed to dance, so softly. 

Her lips were slightly parted, chapped on the top, smooth on the bottom as expected of a busy woman, but I have never in my life wanted to touch something more in my life. 

I snapped out of my trance and looked at her wide-eyed. So she was thinking about certain possibilities of a hypothetical situation? How far does this woman prepare? 

But this was the hard part, I think. How to tell her that "Oh by the way I basically switched careers because I saw you give a speech a year and a half ago and I was inspired" without making it feel weird. 

Don't think Colt, just do. 

I quickly shook my head and without even thinking I reached out to grab her skirt.

My thumb grazed her fingers slightly, but I still held onto the hem of her dress. She still didn't pull away. 

Her eyes locked onto mine in a "what the" expression but I steadied myself, even when the blood rushing through my head was pounding, the sound so loud the only thing I could hook onto was her eyes. 

And her dress of course. What the fuck Colt, are you falling in love or something? 

 I remained calm as I looked at her very, VERY surprised expression. Her body was pulling away from mine, I could feel it but her dress stayed between my fingers. 

"Can you tell me about it? While we dance together?" 

Prev/next

[chocochar]

Choice [Dabi x UA!Reader]

(AN: Okay so I'm finally getting to a Quotev request lol this one I’m iffy on posting, but figured why not. Also unfortunately you won't be able to choose your quirk in this, since the reader uses their quirk a little later, sorry!)

[(F/n)'s POV]

        I remember being a little kid and wanting so bad to be a hero. When my quirk came in everyone said I was on my way; my quirk is called 'puppeteer', where whatever I touch a nearly invisible string connects from my finger or fingers to said item and I can use it as I please. When it's a living being the strings temporarily paralyze them giving me the chance to use them like puppets. I always used it for good deeds like if a neighbor needed help or something, and as I got older I had been accepted into UA in the hero course.

        Everything seemed to be going well, and in my second year I had even been accepted into the work studies program! By my third year everyone was saying I was ready to be a pro, I came to believe it and accept it. But something just never felt right.

        I couldn't place it, but as I got to know the heroes better along with my own classmates I started to notice things that were... Out of place, maybe? The smiles they always showed started to feel more and more fake, and it steadily became more and more obvious most were doing 'hero work' for the fame and money, caring less who they helped so long as there was a paycheck involved. Not all, of course, but enough I started to second guess my want to be one.

        I tried to push these thoughts out of my head. I thought I was just being silly and that I'd forget about it. But that didn't happen, and when the Stain situation happened I was left stunned watching the news every night. Following the posts about him every day. 

        He was a villain, he was killing heroes! But yet I couldn't help this feeling inside the more I learned about his goal.

        When the League started popping up everywhere and got tied to Stain I almost wondered if they were like me; did they also notice how flawed the hero system had gotten? Did they join because of his message? Whenever I thought about this I started to get weird thoughts considering joining... I don't think I ever would, but it was still a fleeting thought. I wasn't a Stain follower or 'fan' per say, but I definitely understood his ideologies, even if I didn't necessarily agree with the outcomes. 

        Today is one of those days where I'm on patrol for the agency I'm doing work studies at and I keep thinking about those thoughts. I'd been sent on my own again to patrol this part of the district and I sigh, rubbing my neck. After I'd been attacked by a villain the other day you'd think I'd get someone else to come with me, especially since this is a more dangerous part of this district and the villain seemed to have a drug on him that boosted him a lot. I'd heard rumors that drug was sold around here, and by the things I've read on the news I believe them a lot more than I did before.

        But the hero I'm working under insisted I go alone. 

        "Let's just hope another guy like that doesn't show up..." I mumble, looking around. I wave with a smile when people acknowledge me or comment on my costume, asking a few if everything is alright around here.

        For once things seem quiet... But I get this feeling it's only a matter of time until something happens.

        Just as I'm ready to go back finishing up my rounds I hear an explosion and I jolt, turning my head towards where it came from before rushing into action. It's not too far, and I run as fast as I can; once I reach the location where screaming is heard I freeze seeing a big guy rampaging. He's at least twice the size of me and his eyes look crazed, his muscles expand as he punches into the ground to send a small quake at a local business. I recognize him as a normally small time villain, and remembering the one the other day my eyes widen.

        'This guy too?!' I think, looking around. I don't see any heroes coming, only police! Saving a few people from one of his quakes by touching a car and whipping it at him I lead them away to safety before running to the police and asking one,"Excuse me, have you heard anything about a pro coming?"

        "Wait, aren't you-" He stops looking at me before shaking his head. "Damn, no kid, sorry, there's apparently a bigger emergency nearby so we're all that's comin'!"

        "But this is an emergency too! No one at all is going to show up?"

        "I don't know, right now we just gotta do what we can," the cop shouts before we're thrown back the villain when he slams his fists our way and causes another quake under us. I luckily catch my footing but it's clear this is a one sided battle; without a hero this will be a big challenge, at least until that drug wears off.

        "Damn pros... Every emergency is still an emergency, guess I'll take care of this on my own," I say out loud before I rush forward.

        It's definitely a hard fight, worse than the villain days ago, but using quick thinking I manage to keep him distracted and busy long enough for the drug to start wearing off. The damage to buildings stays minimal at least, and I get survivors out while keeping him busy. But just as I make a mistake and he's ready to slam me down into the ground he's suddenly hit with shocks that stop him and he trembles, his eyes shutting and the big guy falling over. He seems to be knocked out, and I look to see a pro stepping up to him and smiling at me, hands on her hips.

        "You okay, kid? Looks like I made it in the nick of time.~" She winks before looking around when people start to come back, cheering. While I was being thanked by the people I managed to keep safe she was getting the main attention, which isn't really what bothers me. It's how it feels like that's the only reason she came so late... Maybe I'm wrong, and I thank her softly too, the pro patting my head before turning and going over to the police. I glance at the villain and rub my neck, people crowding the pro allowing me to slip away to go back to the agency.

        Just as I pass an alley I freeze when a deep, rough voice say in an almost sympathetic way,"How sad, the pros really left you out to dry, huh?" His tone is almost mocking, and I step back to see who said it. 

        I don't see anyone, and I furrow my brows my (eye color) eyes scanning the shadows. Seeing no one I turn back and start to walk again, but his words echo in my mind.

        'Left me out to dry...?' 

[X][X][X]

        A few days later the news spreads about what happened; the pro was regarded as a hero, of course, and even though I was briefly mentioned that was the last think on my mind. That unknown voice's words wouldn't leave my thoughts, I wanted to not believe them, to think someone was just trying to get a rise out of me. That changes when I find out the other emergency the heroes took on was just a robbery. 

        Maybe they were testing me to see if I could handle my own? But that guy was incredibly powerful, I would've died if that pro hadn't shown up! 

        That last thought alone leaves a sour taste in my mouth; she really couldn't have waited to jump in until I needed help right?

        "How sad, the pros really left you out to dry, huh?"

        For the next few days I struggle actually paying attention in school and I feel less eager to go to my work studies. I'm reminded of how I've felt about heroes for the last year, and now...

        I'm out on another patrol, but the last thing I expected was to run into a League member. Dabi. He steps out of an alley and immediately people start to panic when his hand is covered in flames. I get into a fighting stance, ready to dash towards the nearest car, but when his blue blaze disappears and he stuffs his hands back into his pockets I'm confused. It's only us now, at least until cops or pros are alerted, and unlike before I feel terrified. He's a step up from those others I've taken on, if I mess up at all he'll kill me, but something tells me he's not here for that.

        "Just like before, you're left to deal with the problem, huh hero?" He speaks up and I look surprised. That voice...!

        "You... What do you want? Don't the League have better things to do than fighting heroes in training? Or is that your MO now?" I ask, glaring at him. His eyes leave me feeling small, the cerulean gaze leaving me quivering even though I try to hide it, and the fact I can't read his expression is frustrating.

        "Don't worry, I'm not looking to fight you," He replies, scratching the back of his head. Again, I'm confused but I loosen up a bit letting him continue,"I just came to chat, I have a proposition for you."

        Cocking my brow I ask,"... What kind? I don't know how comfortable I am taking an offer from a big time bad guy like you."

        He grins lazily and shrugs, continuing,"Well first, you're one of those who shares Stain's ideology right?"

        The way his grin lifts he can see the shock on my face when he asks that; do others know about how I've been feeling about the hero society and Stain's reasons?? Was I careless, did I say something I shouldn't have at some point? I haven't had any heroes watching me as far as I know, no one has treated me differently, so how does he...?

        "How... How do you know that...?"

        "Sources, I could tell you were pretty pissed off the other day about that pro. You didn't look upset that no one realized you acted like the real hero there, just that she showed up 'just in time', I wonder..." He starts stepping closer and I freeze up, my confidence gone and looking up at him as he looms over me. "Did she know she'd get that free publicity if she saved a little UA student who was trying to play hero?"

        I swallow, shaking my head. I don't back away, somehow standing my ground while I say,"N-No, she wouldn't, she's-"

        "-a hero?" He cuts me off, my mouth shutting immediately. What does he want, is he just here to torment me? "That situation was worse than what they dealt with, yet they figured you'd be able to handle it. They didn't care, until that last second."

        I lower my head and close my eyes, silent. What can I say to that?

        "You feel it too, don't you? How heroes have become a stain that refuses to go away no matter how hard you scrub? They don't care about heroics anymore, they're not out to save people," he says, lowering his head to whisper this to me. I shake, upset but not finding the argument to fight him about this. Because I have felt this, not to that extent but I understand. "Stain saw these false heroes and took matters into his own hands. Because no one else would-"

        "What do you want?" I bite, lifting my head but surprised by how close our faces are. My anger overrules this, as I continue,"Are you just here to remind me of things I already knew? Already understood? What is it you want, Dabi?"

        He stares at me for a few moments, his face aloof and his eyes hard to read.

        "... Join the League of Villains."

        My ears ring after hearing this as my face goes blank, my mouth agape, my eyes wide. I almost wonder if I heard him correctly.

        "Wh-What...?"

        "The League is full of others like you, we could use someone like you too, someone else who sees those cracks in society that everyone else refuses to acknowledge. Despite everything you'd still rather play the hero game and know how crooked it is, instead of trying to change it and knocking those false heroes off their pedestals?"

        I have no response, and I can't seem to find one as I stare at him. The League understands how I feel, how I've felt but kept inside for fear of backlash..?

        The sound of sirens is heard and Dabi looks back before starting to walk to the alley he'd stepped out of, making his exit before he's caught. He stops outside it though and holds his hand out to me, my legs still not moving and my gaze never leaving him.

        "What do you say, doll? Be a fake like the rest, or try to change the world for the better?"

        As the sirens get closer I look away, my thoughts jumbled. But turning back to him my body seems to move on it's own as I run up to him and take his hand, the two of us dipping into the shadows as I accept my new path, even if a voice in my head is telling me not to.

(AN: So this was kind of an x reader, like it was but it was also not romantic and he didn't come in til the end and I felt it was all kind of confusing or too much detail... I hope you guys still enjoyed, nonetheless, more requests are coming and I'll be updating The Lady x The Tramp soon too)

[unicornprincessinthetardis]

My (often relatively reasonable) dad: ...so Enoch Powell was right, what he said has happened.

Me: and you don't think maybe he could've said it without inciting racial hatred and literally saying that in time the rivers might run with the blood of 'native' British people because of immigration, do you?

My dad: no, you're being ridiculous, it had to be said, and there really are areas of cities that are majority black or Muslim now so he was right in his predictions, and it didn't change how things were anyway

Me: *goes away to calm down and read up on the 'Rivers of Blood' speech*

[I already knew some of this but here's a précis for those unfamiliar: in April 1968, in Wolverhampton, UK, a Conservative MP, Enoch Powell, made a speech, about the proposed 'Race Relations Bill' (which subsequently made it illegal to refuse housing/ employment/public services to people on the grounds of race/colour/ ethnic & national origins).

The speech was strongly anti-immigrant, calling for 'voluntary re-emigration' and for moves to be made to stem the tide of immigration, else Britain would be 'overrun' and sooner or later white British people would find themselves fully second-class citizens, and that in some ways they already were. He also talked about a "tragic and intractable phenomenon which we watch with horror on the other side of the Atlantic", which I take to mean immigration in the USA to the similar end of white people no longer being in charge - which in 1968 was so far from the truth, and just horrible baseless fear-mongering, playing on people’s xenophobia and racist prejudice - and compared pro-immigration/anti-discrimination newspapers to the ones that had denied and hid the rise of fascism and threat of war in the 1930s. Plus, he talked about a constituent of his, a woman who lived on a street that had become occupied by mostly black people, who lost her white lodgers and complained to the council for a tax rate reduction because she wouldn't take black tenants, and instead basically got told not to be racist, and presented it as a bad thing that she'd been treated like that.

The speech's common name comes from a phrase he quoted from the Aenid (because he was also a Cambridge-educated classics scholar), 'I seem to see "the River Tiber foaming with much blood"', although he just called it 'the Birmingham speech' and seemed to be surprised by the uproar he caused.]

Me (to self): So it didn't change things did it? How do you explain the attacks against nonwhite people where the attackers literally shouted his name and repeated his rhetoric? Oh, they would definitely have happened if he hadn't made that speech, wouldn't they? And the British people of foreign descent who were so afraid they might be removed from their lives just for not being white they always had cases packed to go? And the fact that experts says he set back progress in 'race relations' by about ten years and legitimised being racist/anti-immigrant in the same way UKIP and some pro-Brexit types have done within the last few years here (fun fact: immediately after the Brexit vote, people were being racially and physically abusive to visibly Muslim and/or South Asian people, telling them to leave because of Brexit, which was of course extreme nonsense because their presence would be nothing to do with the EU, and more likely the British Empire and the Commonwealth, but they were doing it because it seemed suddenly okay to be openly racist, because Nigel Farage and his ilk, and a legally non-binding vote surrounded in lies, said so) and others have done elsewhere, in the US and Europe and Brazil and so many other places.

Powell was interviewed about the speech in 1977 and stood by his views, said that because the immigration figures were higher than those he had been 'laughed at' about in his speech, he was right and now governments didn't want to deal with the "problem", were passing it off to future generations and it would go on until there was a civil war!

He also said he wasn't a 'racialist' (racist) because he believed a "'racialist' is a person who believes in the inherent inferiority of one race of mankind to another, and who acts and speaks in that belief" so he was in fact "a racialist in reverse" as he regarded "many of the peoples in India as being superior in many respects—intellectually, for example, and in other respects—to Europeans." (I mean, I know I can't hold him to our standards but a) that's still racism and b) he did think that mankind was divided into very distinct, probably biologically so, races, which, yes, normal for the time, but the whole 'each with different qualities and ways in which they were better than others' is iffy)

Me: *goes back to Dad to make my point and definitely not get upset* So here are some things that literally happened as a consequence of the 'Rivers of Blood' speech...

So even if he was correct to say what he did (I mean, he wasn't but you have to tiptoe around Dad and I had points to make), he shouldn't have said it the way he did

My dad: so you think the truth should be suppressed? You're only looking at this from one perspective (he thinks he knows better because he was alive at the time and my brother and I weren't despite the fact that we're both into politics and history and, y'know, not into scapegoating, behaving oddly, and laying blame because people are different to us - he and mum also have issues with trans people and we're trying so hard to change their views/behaviours but I'm not sure it's working & that's a whole different story) and there are these areas that really are Muslim-only (because informal lending and wanting to keep the community together is such a crime, right?) and they don't integrate and want to impose Sharia law (only he couldn't remember what it was called right then) and you don't know what it's like (he is an engineer surveyor and travels all over to inspect boilers and cooling systems and all sorts of stuff, and this includes into majority-Black or -Asian (Muslim and otherwise) areas in Birmingham - which is not a no-go area for non-Muslims, I'm a deeply agnostic white woman, it's my nearest big city and I wish I went there more often but it's tricky as I don't drive, public transport is bad/inconvenient, and I have no friends to go with except depression and anxiety [which are worse 'friends' than the ones that I found out only liked me in high school because I always had sweets and snacks at lunch so when I got braces and my mouth hurt too much to eat much of anything which meant I certainly didn't have snacks, they dropped me pretty quickly] so apparently he's the expert on all such matters)

What I wish I'd said: *staying very calm* well, and that's your opinion, I'm going, I've got sewing to finish *leaves*

What actually happened:

Me: have you considered that they are able to buy up areas like that because white people leave because of their prejudice against the 'influx'?

Dad: they buy up great areas because they buy in groups (I think this refers to a sort of community lending thing to be compliant with various parts of Islam? [Please correct me if I'm wrong] which is effectively what building societies/credit unions were, at least to begin with, and he doesn't take issue with those) and want to stay together. Why do they do that? Sikhs don't do that, they buy big houses and aren't bothered about being close together.

Me: different religious ethoses? I don't know... But you do know that they people who want the UK to be a caliphate ruled by Sharia law are just a minority, and that most Muslims would not want that at all, just like you?

Dad: but they still do want it, and it could happen, if there was a charismatic leader,

Me: *incredulous* you know it's about as likely for that to actually happen as for strictly Orthodox Jewish people to be able to make this country into another Israel, right? Besides, there are the police, and the armed forces, and intelligence agencies, not to mention the Government and civil service (thought I'd got a win there, he hates the unchanging upper-class-public-school-Oxbridge nature of the people who effectively really run the government, constant no matter the leaning of the elected party, but no) who have a vested interest in preserving themselves in their current state so would be able to stop anything like that

Dad: yes, but the cutting of funding to police and public services means they might not be able to stop it (I realise now that he's oddly economically left-wing but also really quite socially conservative in some ways)

Me: *getting angry* but it's still an absolute minority, most Muslims would be horrified if it really did happen, and have you ever considered that maybe they wouldn't be so ill-disposed to us and to integration if we didn't demand it of them the moment that they arrive, demand that they assimilate or go away (he often uses the phrase "yes, but they're in somebody else's country, they should make an effort") and maybe young people wouldn't be so easily radicalised and people generally mistrust the people who don't try to understand them, you know, want them to change everything about themselves (for instance, Dad is violently opposed to the burqa etc and not really a fan of the hijab - still doesn't get that it's a choice and people can do what they want because apparently 'anyone could be wearing one of those things' - burqas/niqabs, I presume - and that it must all be forced because who would possibly choose to dress like that - I have half a mind to show him those sites about Christian modest dressing (one was a shop and a lot of their range was pretty cute!) that I once found, just to see if that'll prove to him it is a choice thing) *tries to leave*

Dad: *angry* You stay there and listen to me! You're just looking at it from one perspective and that's not the truth, you're so biased and closed-minded, you only look at things your way!

Me: *furious* Really? Really? Am I? *Scoffs/incredulous exhalation* I'm closed-minded, am I?... *Storms out, shouts as I go* I'm not the one who said Enoch Powell was right!!

This is all heavily paraphrased, because I've been writing this for literal hours now and I was angry and don't remember well at the best of times, it may have been worse than how I'm writing it

Also, going to be tricky to patch up but right now I stand by what I said, because I know my perspective is limited, but at least I actually admit that and try to find out what people different to me think, rather than basing all my opinions and things on my own experiences which can't be universal, as he seems to

Other bs my dad said during the two conversations: "don't get so upset about it, it's only history" (which is bold, considering it was the 50th anniversary this year and he was literally 11 years old when it happened so probably saw/heard news coverage)... "Yes of course far right groups use 'Enoch was right' as a slogan, it doesn't mean anything"... Reiterating the 'nothing changed' thing multiple times... Dismissing the fact that Powell said there'd be a civil war because apparently just because the British/Europeans were aggressive conquerors anyone else who came in numbers anywhere would eventually have that aim and how ridiculous that view actually is... Dismissing the fact that Powell basically incited racial hatred and violence with the inclusion of an irrelevant Classical phrase which spread fear on all sides...

I could go on but I'm so tired and don't want to make myself more upset

I love my parents but I really don't like them very much lately but I don't know if I just put up with it or leave sooner or later and if I do leave I don't know where I'd go because no friends

Basically I'm so sorry for my parents' prejudices which I'm still trying to unlearn myself - I apologise wholeheartedly to all Muslim and Jewish people and honestly pretty much everyone they're prejudiced against