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cantwritethetword · 2 months ago

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(2023) TickleTober Day 8: Alien - More Human Than You Think

Fic Descript - The Doctor maintains that being tickling is a strictly human thing. While Rory is quick to accept it, Amy knows him too well.

~A/N - BLAME @carrie-tate FOR THIS HER 11TH DOCTOR ART HAS REIGNITED MY LOVE OF THIS TRIO AND INSPIRED ME TO WRITE THIS FIC (ngl heavily based on this art)

These guys were my first introduction to doctor who when I was like 8 so they are very very important to me I love them, so hopefully I write this well ^^

(also feel it's important for everyone to know that I watched this wonderful montage the whole time I was writing it lmao)

- Enoy! ~

Tag List: @fullsongphilosopher

Masterpost Link

TickleTober Masterpost

"I keep thinking I'm used to you." Rory said with a light chuckle.

The Doctor popped up from where he was working. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked with a scrunched face, wielding a modified hair dryer and what looked like washing machine tablets.

Clearly the irony was lost on him.

The TARDIS needed a little TLC (in the Doctor's words), and so the team had taken the rare opportunity of peacefully floating through space to get some adjustments done. The Doctor was banging and tinkering at the console, Rory was watching, and Amy had gone to take a shower (because apparently she had no desire to listen to the Doctor's consistent yapping as he worked).

"Well, I've been here for long enough to feel like I know you." Rory explained. "But then you go do something... odd... And it's like the first day I met you all over again."

"Are you forgetting Rory," The Doctor half-shouted over the whirring of the hair dryer. "I'm an over 900 year old Time Lord from another planet, of course I'm odd. The best people are."

Rory softly tilted his head, taking a moment to fully appreciate that perhaps it was the overall circumstance that was weird rather than the person in front of him, before circling around the console closer to his friend.

"That looks better." The Doctor sat upright and clicked off his tool, turning to face Rory. "What do you think? After this I've just got a few more tweaks and we can be off again."

"You look human though." Rory continued from his previous train of thought. "You eat human food, you dress in human clothes, surely you aren't completely Alien."

"I'm just as Alien to you as you are to me." The Doctor chirped, scurrying over to the next stage in his TARDIS-repair plan.

As he moved, however, he failed to realise the space (or lack thereof) between his head and the edge of the console. He let out a tight-lipped groan as he rubbed the impact site on the top of his forehead.

"And you feel pain like us." Rory added, jumping to add the spontaneous example that would back up his point to the list.

The Doctor shot him an agitated look. "Don't they teach you bedside manner at your nursing job? I near enough break my skull and all you do is point out that we both feel pain? Most beings do!"

Rory, ignoring the Doctor's initial complaining and instead focusing on his last statement, nodded in contemplation. "I suppose they do..."

"I sUpPoSe tHeY- ugh..." The Doctor rolled his eyes, accepting that he wasn't getting any sympathy from the usually most sympathetic person on the TARDIS. "Any other questions? Or can I get back to doing something important."

"Hmm..." Rory scratched the back of his head. "Are you ticklish or anything?"

The Doctor froze momentarily, before jumping to his feet with a spin and a smile. "Nope, that's unique to you humans."

Rory gave him a doubtful but unsure look.

"Honestly, if anything you lot are the weird ones with your... hyperactive nervous systems... and... involuntary laughter responses..." The Doctor rambled, but his flow was a little more disjointed than usual.

"I guess so..." Rory nodded, but he still couldn't shake the memory of the Doctor's odd reaction.

But, there was little time to think about it.

"Has he bored you to death yet?" Amy said with a grin from the stairway.

"Hey!" The Doctor complained as Rory laughed. "I'm the most quality entertainment out there."

Rory opened his arm for Amy to tuck herself under it. "The Doctor was just telling me how weird we humans are."

Amy gave him a look. "You're one to talk Mr Bow-Tie."

The Doctor tugged on the aforementioned accessory. "Bow ties are-."

"Bow ties are cool, right." She finished for him, rolling her eyes. "My point still stands, how exactly are we the weird ones?"

As Rory opened his mouth, the Doctor jumped in first. "Well, weird might be a strong word. Humanity is wonderful and beautiful and terrible and strange and-"

"We're ticklish." Rory interrupted. "But that was the only example he could give me so I'm not sure I-"

"Oh you're not ticklish, Doctor?" Amy asked halfway through Rory's statement, but something in her grin made The Doctor suspect she knew the answer already.

"Uh..." The Doctor rubbed his neck. "Well I... Well..."

"He said it was just a human thing." Rory offered a response, oblivious to the rising tension surrounding the Doctor.

"Is it now?" Amy took a few steps closer to the Time Lord, her face trying to seem innocent and confused. "Just humans?"

The Doctor stumbled backwards, his hands fumbling over themselves. "Well, perhaps sometimes... some Time Lords may... may be a little more uh... susceptible to uh... to things like that."

Amy continued her devastatingly slow pursuit around the console of the TARDIS, leaving Rory on the opposite side. "And would you be one of them?"

Rory finally caught on as the Doctor backed up towards him. "Wait you lied to me?!"

"Rory it was nothing personal I just-" The Doctor babbled nervously, his hands now forming a semi-protective barrier between him and his pursuer.

Amy made eye contact with her husband, that evil grin still plastered on her face. "Rory, how do we feel about liars?"

Without a word, Rory stepped behind the Doctor and hooked his arms under the Doctor's shoulders.

"Waitwaitwaitwait no!" The Doctor shrieked, wriggling in Rory's hold. "Plehease!"

"Huh..." Amy paused, an inquisitive look on her face. "Humans normally wait for the tickling to start before we start laughing... Is that a Time Lord thing too?"

The Doctor whined. "Yohou know that's not truhue!"

Rory chuckled from behind. "You're not really in a position to talk about truth right now."

The Doctor was about to argue when Amy lunged, lightly scribbling her fingernails all over the poor Doctor's torso. He inhaled sharply, the effort of containing his reactions forcing out squeaking noises.

"Seems pretty ticklish to me." Rory commented, struggling with the sudden responsibility of keeping the Doctor upright.

Amy smirked, pausing her attack. "Oh, I don't know... He's not laughing anymore, maybe he was right..."

"I'm-" The Doctor panted out. "Always... right-"

Before he even had the chance to finish there were ten fingers digging under his armpits.

His eagerness to jump at the opportunity to talk after being unable to for the last ten seconds was exactly what Amy was counting on, and the sudden unexpected attack brought out a shriek of helpless cackles from the poor Doctor.

With a grin, Amy looked up at her husband. "Now this is what I'd call ticklish."

"OHOKAY FINE FINE FIHIHINE!" The Doctor yelped in between giggles. "I'M TICKLIHISH! JUST LET ME GOHOHO!"

Rory and Amy locked eyes, smirking.

"What do you think Rory?" Amy asked, letting her fingers skitter up and down the Doctor's bony ribcage. "Have we proved our point?"

Rory hummed in thought, drawing out his response to mess with the Time Lord as long as humanly possible. "I might be convinced, but he still hasn't apologised for lying..."

"I DIHIDN'T HAVE A CHOHOHOICE!!!"

Switching to drilling her thumbs into the Doctor's hip bones in response to his claim, Amy gave him a fake-confused look. "That doesn't sound like an apology."

Rory laughed, while the Doctor scrambled to put together something that sounded like speech through his laughter. "FIHIHINE OKAHAY I'M SOHOHORRY!"

Amy withdrew her fingers as Rory guided the Doctor to the floor, letting him rest his head on Rory's leg.

"I think you're more human than you think." Rory chuckled, patting the Doctor's shoulder.

"Right." The Doctor glared up at him, but there was a hint of softness behind his eyes. "Can we go now?"

#crow's tickle fic #ticklecrowber2024 #crowstickletober2024 #tickletober2024 #ticklecrowber #tickletober

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mimimui · 1 year ago

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okay bllk boys as your not so bf was so good BUT IF you are willing to, could you do a sequel where reader either distances themselves or something along those lines

distance (doesn't) make the heart grow fonder (blue lock)

[ first part ] wherein you distance yourself from (character).

includes: isagi, bachira, chigiri, nagi, reo, rin

tags: one-sided, use of profanity, angst if you squint hard enough, boys annoyingly oblivious to reader's feelings, not proofread

a/n: (again) inspired by my not-so bf. i know the longing and mixed signals all too well :p this request has been collecting dust in my ask box but living rent-free in my head so .. enjoy !

you were always the one initiating conversations with isagi. not like you minded though, as long as you got to talk to him, you were happy. you can remember the first conversation you had with him as clear as day��you asked him which page the assignment was. you thought it was an absolutely brilliant plan to start talking to him regularly. it worked, obviously.

but then you noticed how dry his messages were. when you sent him three or four, he would reply back with one. isagi wasn't usually like this, no, he would return your energy all the time. it didn't bother you at first because you know he's busy with his sports, but his disinterest was getting more apparent.

you thought you were a bother to him; you thought you were annoying him, so you slowly stopped talking to him until neither of you spoke to each other at all. you stopped greeting him when you saw him, and you always saw his indifferent facial expression. uncaring, unconcerned.

it's like he forgot all about the conversations you shared. had he suddenly forgotten how close you two were? had he never cared about you? bullshit.

you waited for bachira to put his arm over your shoulders like he usually does, but he didn't today. you brushed it off, maybe he just wasn't feeling clingy yet. bachira always is touching you one way or another when you're together, but he suddenly stopped doing it.

you found it weird when he quickly retracted his hand from you when yours brushed against his. you also found it weird when he was suddenly leaning away from you in class, rather than leaning towards you. it was really weird when he was purposely standing far away from you. no matter how much you tried to get close, he would just move.

saying this only hurt you a bit was an understatement. of course it hurt you a lot, why was bachira suddenly ignoring you? you don't recall doing anything wrong or making anything awkward, so it's uncharacterisitc for him to be so... distant from you.

you decided to do the same. ignore him, distance yourself from him, and stop talking to him. you don't even know if he still considers you a friend.

chigiri slowly stopped asking to borrow your things. you didn't see anything wrong with it, but when you see him borrow things from other people, you feel a bit off about it. you thought it was stupid to feel this way—why is your heart sinking when you see him go up to someone else when he needs something?

you always gave him what he needed. you were always there when he needed something, and you were always happy to help. you loved helping him, actually. the smile he gives you when you let him borrow something is something you treasure.

it shouldn't hurt to see him borrow things from other people, it feels stupid to act this way. but you can't help it. you wouldn't be bothered by it, but the way he also stopped talking to you is what irks you the most. 'okay, you don't need to borrow my things anymore, but at least talk to me?' you think.

chigiri always gave back the things he borrowed from you safe and sound. the only thing he's ever stolen was your heart, and you're afraid he'll return it broken.

you sigh once again as you wait for nagi to go online on the game you two agreed to play together. he said he was going to go on soon, but it's been an hour, and you're bored out of your mind. you message him once more, hoping he'll reply this time. your smile drops as soon as you see his message: "can we play next time? im tired"

there was in fact no 'next time', because you haven't played a game with nagi in forever. every time you ask him to play with you, he will always reject you. he isn't the kind of person to decline a game invite, so you thought it was weird for him to suddenly be tired of playing video games.

games aren't as fun to play when you're alone. but nagi isn't joining you, so you just don't play at all. you were only ever excited to play because he was with you. when you see him online, you're quick to open the in-game chat, but then you notice he's playing with someone else.

it shouldn't bother you, really, but it's funny that you closed your game and went offline. you haven't played that game since.

you understand that reo was a busy person, but you never thought he'd get busy to the point where he no longer has time to spend with you. before, he'd always put in the effort to make time for you, no matter what. but it seems he's forgotten about your planned hangout again because he didn't show up.

the barista gave you a free drink and tried to give you words of encouragement, but you were quick to thank and dismiss them. you left the cafe that day wondering if you meant anything special to reo. he's always treated you differently than others, that's for sure. but did it ever actually mean anything?

you stare at the opened delivery app on your phone, debating on whether or not you should disconnect his online payment from your account. i mean, it's not like you mean anything to him anymore, so it's wrong to use his money.

you sighed as you reconnected your own account, ordering your usual. that was the last connection you had to reo.

you knew rin didn't prioritize relationships. hell, it wasn't on his priority list at all. but you had a glimmer of hope inside that maybe, just maybe, he thinks about you in that way. that maybe because of you, he'll consider being in a relationship.

you knew you and rin were not just friends. friends don't do the things you two do. so when you two flirt, you feel giddy. you thought that rin meant something more with his flirtatious actions, but when he calls you 'just a friend', your stomach drops.

he shares with you that he enjoys flirting for fun, and meaning nothing of it. of course he doesn't talk about you directly, but that's what it feels like. rin says it as if he's sharing a fun fact about himself, even feeling proud of it.

he notices your expression and asks why you look like that. you say it's nothing. nothing, just like what you are to him.

thanks for reading (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

#blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #isagi x reader #bachira x reader #chigiri x reader #nagi x reader #reo x reader #rin x reader

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color-craz · 6 months ago

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AF MidWeek Round-up!

This is just a simple post compiling all of my attacks so far along with some artists notes! Mostly because I found myself much more active this year than last year (Minus these few couple days due to some appointments). I'll be tagging everyone and linking to other socials so you can see these lovely folks. Of course if you want to attack me, I'm ready to fight! Without further ado, here's all the attacks so far :>

@cosmicdenro @stellarknightz - Weekend Date The name of the game for these first few attacks was to get everyone who I was supposed to last year but ran out of time ^^;;. I decided upon Jesse's Zircon over Jesse the character (one in my bookmarks) b/c it seemed like Turquoise Zircon was less drawn this year but was his icon on AF. So easy pick from me :> (Btw doing Sodalite's stripes and copying Zircon's shape language was really fun!!)

@/clawothy (Twitter) - Chill Cat Another attack from last years bookmarks! It was definitely a soft but enjoyable opening into drawing furries since Claw's so human shaped. It was fun drawing his tail and patterns :>. This is just a nice character design all around.

@twidaisi - Speedy Service Twi was also one from my bookmarks, but also a doorway down an ArtFight rabbit hole. Which will become apparent in the next two pieces. For this one, I had a pretty clear pose in mind so I placed it onto O.R.B.I and went from there!! His design is so neat and he seems so cool! The pose was also pretty fun to do as well, just an overall fun art piece (Also this one got a revenge!!! I still really really love thank you so much!!!!!)

@scratchgeist - Escapism Ho! This was a doozy! Twi had Scratch's profile linked so I ended up hitting him with an attack too. Drawing Scratch's mane turned out to be a pleasant experience despite me originally fearing it. This scene idea also came from a prompt of Scratch going outside. I ended up putting Polish on this because all those scratchy "ink like" lines I actually did manually (take a fuzzy brush and then go over it using a sketchbook eraser). It was nice dipping my toes into BatIM again and trying out more animal feature.

@/stylin.art Instagram @/crypticc0rpse Instagram - Pirates in arms One of those two people were linked on Scratch's profile and the person linked also linked to the other person. But I realized that both Stylin and Crypt had some shared characters. So this ended my little rabbit hole of people by attacking these two lovely fellows at the same time. This little crossing swords idea took me a nice minute to come up with but I liked how it ended up anyway. I really did like drawing James together like this (probably helps that I really like pirates in general). Also yes I know her hand is fucked up I noticed way to late to fix it.

@smoresthehalloweenqueen - Listen to the waves Once I finished up with that I moved onto the next bookmark, which was Smores! Originally I was gonna draw Brutus but then I was like "I like his sona it looks like fun!" So I drew them listening to music because why not :>. I struggled on the arms initially but it came out real clean and nice. Honestly might be my best work so far! (Fun fact, I color picked the waves + background from Seafoam's icon.)

@skittisketch - I got it! Mr. Sascachawean himself! I referenced this pose form the classic Objection point because I thought it would fit his personality. This was also a little bit of a test with a style I had only done in sketches (Basically my human style but omitting a neck which somehow shaves off a lot of time). This was a super fun pose to do with a pretty nice background! (Once again, fucked up hand I know I noticed too late again)

@justpainterrobot - Rare Nightly Sight I had this really really clear picture of what I thought up for this attack and I'm happy that I was able to make it a reality. I put the polish tag on this one because I almost got super super detailed of what the junk was below her (Stuff coming down from Elysium n all that) but due to a lack of references I just went with typical metal and wood. Fun fact, the night sky in the background is based on the one from Deponia itself (The first game's scenes with the professor at night). I think this rewrite of Toni was really cool from what I could find about her. Overall a labor of love type of attack.

@coelpts @swan-swanno - Boss Battle I thought to myself "Hm, I see Coelpts around a lot, lets hit him with an attack." and it turns out Ciel's gay married to Swanno's charater Mikhail, who was the last one in my bookmarks from last year. So another double attack for this one! It was a struggle starting this one mostly because I was debating whether or not to draw Ciel's Lord outfit but I ended up doing so because why not :>. It was a fun experience copying Swanno's more angular style, which is a stark departure from my more rounded shapes (As you can see here). Has a nice venture doing the lighting as well, overall a good experience.

@tailsylennon - Sweet Treats Mitchell showed off Tasily's proflie one day and I saw their sona and was I was like "Lemme draw it!" and did! I ended up following another prompt by her because it was their birthday! (By the time I started on this it was 8 pm and I freaked tf out and got to work). Her sona was really cool and I really loved drawing them. Fun fact, each of the set pieces references the Hallows Souls trio. The chair is decorated after Terra, Markus is the table, and Whistle pallet is used for the tea set :>. It was just a pleasant and cozy attack to make overall.

@ceaseless-enemy - Congratulations!!!! I've actually known about Voila for quite awhile now and thought his design n theaming is quite neat! I actually based the pose off of Ai from Oshi No Ko (I think one of her key arts before the anime released, ifykyk). But I skillfully cut out the legs because I can't draw digitigrade legs... Hooray... Otherwise it was quite nice to work on this attack in particular, especially the eyes and the hair :>.

@killbent - Getting Ready This is another one I had a real clear idea of prior to doing this, specifically because Killbent gave a prompt to give Mr Fairchime pink hair, so i thought a "pre-show" set up would look nice :>. The lighting was another new venture for me, because I usually do cool/night time like lighting but I think it turned out nicely for Fairchime. It was also fun doing the accessories and stuff on the vanity as well. Fun Fact, it's a bit hard to see through the watermark + lighting but the face paint and pallet both have the colors of his make up! Overall a pleasant and warm attack for this year.

And that's all of them so far! I picked up some new bookmarks + I gotta get Twi back for drawing Compact!! So those will probably be compiled by the end of AF so about, early August-ish if I keep up the pace. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and gracing me with the opportunity to draw all of these amazing characters!

Until next time!

-Gappy, Witch of the Stars

#my art #art #artists on tumblr #gappy's diary #artfight #art fight #artfight attack #af 2024 #team stardust #digital art #digital drawing

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amethystina · 5 months ago

Note

For the wipe tag game:

May I inquire about :

The devil's due ( I have been hooked since the first chapter that u posted. It's such an interesting idea with so many possibilities)

The gentle light ( will we get more of yohan's poverty?)

Thank u, and have a nice day 🩵

Thank you so much for the ask!

The Devil's Due

Oh man, this one. I am hooked on this one too, but I keep holding it off because I know it'll be pretty long and it's also going to be pretty, uh, sexually charged? And that intimidates me x'D

But yeah, I LOVE the idea and the possibilities it offers. It's a story that would focus on Ga On and Yo Han's relationship without the power imbalance of them being chief and subordinate. That's to say that Ga On is going to be even feistier than in canon, if you can believe that. And he's going to be more aware of his sexuality and what he actually wants — or who, I guess I should say.

The main plot would really just be Ga On getting to know Yo Han — and Elijah — during different circumstances. And the biggest conflict will be the fire and whether or not Yo Han caused it, plus Yo Han trying to open Ga On's eyes to the corruption in their country. The main portion of the fic would be set a couple of years after the first chapter, and a couple of years before the start of the drama. So they're all a little less jaded and, since the situation is so different — Ga On isn't sent to spy on him, for one — Yo Han won't be as defensive. But he's obviously also going to be, well, Yo Han. He's working as a normal judge, trying not to draw too much attention to himself — biding his time for his revenge, and all that — but he would definitely not mind having some fun with the bright-eyed, reformed delinquent he saved from a life as a criminal.

As a treat.

As with many of my WIPs at the moment, this fic is mostly just a collection of lines of dialogue from various scenes, with no connecting text around them. So there are no complete snippets I can show, but I can say that the first time they do something sexual together it's because Ga On has finally had it with Yo Han's teasing and flirting and just marches into his office — at Yo Han's work, yes — and goes:

Ga On: "Fine. Let's fuck."

Yo Han, after a small pause: "Right now?"

Ga On, very scathingly: "Do you want me to schedule an appointment?"

Yo Han: "You're an absolute delight when you're angry."

There are reasons why Ga On is being so blunt, I want to point out, because he wouldn't usually be. Again: Yo Han and his manipulation tactics.

... and yes, they do have sex right then and there, in Yo Han's office. Which is one of the reasons why I'm afraid to write this. I'm way out of my depth here x'D

But I will continue eventually! I like the story way too much to give up on it :)

The Gentle Light

As for this one, I was kind of shocked to realise that I have a lot more written on chapter 2 than I initially thought. It takes place right after the first chapter, so basically Yo Han's side of the very loaded conversation that takes place during chapter 7. I've just been adding bits and pieces here and there when I've felt like it and now I have almost 4 000 words. Imagine that.

Here's a snippet!

---

Yo Han slowly walked up the steps leading to Kim Ga On's apartment, his hand sliding along the railing. The metal was cold against the mess of scar tissue on his palm, sending a chill up his arm. Yo Han paid that no mind, focusing instead on taking in his surroundings. While he'd known Ga On's address ever since K did the first background check, Yo Han had never actually been to visit before.

There had never been a reason for him to — until now.

As Yo Han finished climbing the first set of stairs, his gaze swept briefly over the terrace to his left, then flicked upward, toward the rooftop. There was apparently another terrace up there, but it was dark for the time being and therefore not of much interest to Yo Han.

Instead, he turned and looked out at the surrounding buildings. The neighborhood was as run-down as he'd expected, debris littering the streets and the majority of the buildings in desperate need of repairs — some even looked abandoned. Or perhaps the owners had simply given up, choosing to huddle inside the dark, decrepit shells of what used to be their homes, waiting for the end to come. That seemed common in these parts, where unemployment and hopelessness blanketed every house and street corner, sucking the life out of those few remaining.

Yo Han could tell it hadn't always been that way, though. There were glimpses of a once lively neighborhood hiding underneath the grime and despair, the descent probably having happened slowly over time as the economy kept getting worse and worse — money getting tighter and tighter. And, eventually, whether they wanted to or not, the people had no choice but to give in.

It made sense, Yo Han supposed, for Kim Ga On to have grown up in a place like this, where he'd had to watch what he once knew wither away and fall into disrepair in front of his very eyes.

That deeply rooted disdain for the rich must have come from somewhere, after all.

---

A lot of what I have so far is basically just Yo Han sauntering around in front of Ga On's apartment, observing things and drawing conclusions about Ga On. It's kind of adorable in it's own way xD But things obviously take a very dramatic turn once Ga On shows up, some of which I've shown before in snippets that you can find here.

I can't promise I'll ever post this, though, since I'd obviously have to finish it first and this is very far down on my list of priorities right now. But we'll see, I guess? If I keep chipping away at it one piece at a time, eventually it will be finished.

I hope you like it! And you have a nice day, too 💜

WIP Tag Game

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #WIP Tag Game #Honestly #The Devil's Due lives rent-free inside my head #You have no idea how much time I've spent pondering it #And plotting the various scenes #I would LOVE to write it #But I want to at least finish the Gravitational Pull sequel first #Or sequelS to be more precise #But we'll see #God I wish I had more time to write #Because there's so much I WANT to write #But life keeps getting in the way #I am sad #:C

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eeveecraft · 1 year ago

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Guess Who's Back

That's right. It's us, the Dragonheart System. We're fucking back.

[Rylazide] Hi, everyone, I hope everyone is okay and is having a good day!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, our blog got terminated without warning:

Just... out of the blue, no warning, no reason given. As you can imagine, I was kinda freaked out, but I calmed down and contacted support.

We were stuck, waiting for Tumblr to do something for multiple days, and as you can imagine, it wasn't fun, not knowing whether or not 4+ years of our system's history, informative posts, and more were just... gone for good! Well, they're not.

And from some people who were looking out for us (you know who you are, thank you for being thoughtful towards us) basically let us know that sh!t kind of hit the fan in the Plurality space on Tumblr because of it. This is because the timing of our account termination was just... too suspicious. Literally soon before our blog got fucked, I reblogged a reblog from Sophie about that one system who said some pretty sh!tty things about us in an attempt to counter this post, and all my addition to the post was was just asking Sophie if she could provide evidence for her claims. Because what she was saying about that system would explain a lot of their behavior in the "tulpa = appropriation" discourse and would basically out them as a fake endogenic-supporter, but then... our account was nuked after that reblog was made.

Look, I'm going to be straight with every system here:

Tumblr Trust and Safety never stated WHY our account got terminated. Not when our account was initially terminated, nor when it was reinstated. In posts on both our Youtube and Plural.Cafe accounts, I said it could've been possible that we were mass-reported by sysmeds. I said this because that's exactly what happened to @sophieinwonderland over a year ago, and given the timing, it's not a crazy assumption to make because of the circumstances and history preceding it.

It just seemed a little odd for our account out of the 4+ years we've had it to be nuked during the height of what can metaphorically be described as a war in the #tulpa tags. Especially after we criticized the 'counter' to our original post, or the post by that one syscourse blog we have blocked to name-drop us could've absolutely stirred a bunch of sysmeds to witch-hunt us. It's happened before, it absolutely can happen again.

But, I can't say for sure because Tumblr decided to be frustratingly vague. However, I think a good way to know for sure is to see if these sysmed fucks try that sh!t again, then we'll know for sure. Because again, when Sophie's account was brought back the first time, sysmeds got it taken down a second time. It was so bad that Sophie had to personally ask Tumblr Trust and Safety to whitelist her account from mass-flagging. If we get terminated a second time, we're going to do the same thing Sophie did.

Also, please, please do NOT go after the system who originally criticized my post. After Sophie called them out for potentially being the reason our account got terminated and for spreading disinformation, they were apparently so stressed that they got hospitalized because they have trauma over having disinformation spread about them (you'd think they wouldn't do that if they personally know how harmful it is, but sadly, the abused are more likely than the average person to continue the cycle of abuse and become abusers themselves. It's really sad.).

Does it excuse them saying blatantly false things, spreading harmful disinformation about several users, and potentially (cannot confirm) encouraging sysmeds to mass-report our blog by name-dropping us and saying things that would absolutely encourage sysmeds to mass-report and silence us? Nope. There's no excuse. I don't care how traumatized they are, being traumatized is NO excuse to turn around and do the same to others. Plain and simple.

But still, it sucks that this happened to them, and I hope they're okay. Like, sure, I fucking hate sysmeds, anti-endos, whatever the fuck, I hate the harm they've done to not only us, but so many other people, and how they actively tear the community apart when we need to stick together and look out for each other. However, I don't wish any harm on sysmeds, only that they eventually let go of that bitterness and learn that what they did was wrong and stop doing it. We don't need to stoop to their level; they're just a loud minority that doesn't have any actual footing to stand on besides pure emotion and bigotry.

Anyway, I'm rambling and am going to shut up now. I'm sorry our account getting fucked caused such a stir in the community. Let's just hope it doesn't happen again.

7-31-2023

#tulpamancy #plurality #actuallyplural #endogenic #tulpa #long post #cultural appropriation #sysmed mention #sysmed tw

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sydmarch · 2 years ago

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@aaaaaaaaaatlas your tags on my last evrart analysis post got me thinking SO MUCH that rather than adding onto that thread i just had to make a whole new post to discuss my thoughts

because it's something i hadn't thought much about recently but you're SO RIGHT? my initial playthrough i like most others was afflicted with chronic "don't want to let kim down disease" so while i DID see evrart's storyline fully through because i was like "i don't want to miss out on things?? i need to get my gun???" i did so pretty reluctantly while not trusting him at all & that was pretty much because of kim. actually finishing the first playthrough & viewing evrart on a different lens because of that made me read him totally different on second and third go arounds though & having a few evrart posts circulating i've seen several tags along the lines of "didn't know any of this, i kept him at arms length because of kim/never finsihed any of his tasks bcus kim didn't like it" & it's SO interesting to dig into.

i think part of it has to do with how on a first playthrough where you aren't familiar with evrart & where his motivation really comes from, on top of him being clearly generally manipulative it's SO apparent that he's manipulating harry. & i feel like this is something that kim sees through just as much as us players. i think this manipulation shows through a lot in evrart's constant.. "favoritism" is the only way i can think to phrase it. towards harry. it comes out a lot in dialogue trees around the folder but several other times as well. a few moments that highlight what i mean wrt both manipulating harry specifically & evrart's general interactions with kim:

the impression i get around how evrart acts with kim is that he knows harry is more vulnerable due to his amnesia and thus an easier target, more useful to play the part he needs in his whole game. i mean he has this dead body on his hands, has already figured out how he's going to use this situation to his advantage to start a war with wild pines, and when the rcm officers come to investigate the murder one of them has literally no memories? what could be a better opportunity than that! it's also very telling how evrart immediately jumps to acting like he & harry are already such close friends, like to the point where on my first playthrough i was genuinely thinking for a bit "have we met this guy before the amnesia?". bearing that in mind it only makes sense that he would try to dismiss or ignore kim whenever possible to bring everything back around to harry. and again i feel kim very much picks up on this.

(kind of an aside but i thought it was interesting to note that if you search for all times "kitsuragi" is said by evrart, the only time he calls him "lieutenant kitsuragi" rather than "mr kitsuragi" (aside from the "you too lieutenant" above) seems to be when kim wasn't actually present:)

anyways on to flip side, how kim discusses evrart:

even before the initial meeting kim is already distrustful of him, which i mean makes sense considering evrart's reputation. kind of running out of brain juice to comment more insightfully on this side of things LOL so i'll just leave these here.

#this got longer than i thought it would and i ran out of steam by the time id gathered the kim screenshots lol!!!#disco elysium #de #evrart claire #kim kitsuragi #texticles

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derekscorner · 8 months ago

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Kingdom Hearts: Recompletion Tangent

Intro

It's been a while since I had an actual KH Tangent barring my mad ravings about the cosmology. It was more about the random things I think about rather than an actual tangent.

Although both that post and this one have spun off from a literal shower thought. Anyone who has been through my tags before also knows that I've had issues with how the Nobodies were handled for a long time.

They're something that I truly consider better on paper than in execution. It may even be something that's near impossible to put into practice entirely.

They're too Human

The main reason for this is the corner it puts you in as a writer. These are supposed to be beings born lacking a heart, the core of what they were as a person. Their very emotions and connection to the world.

Back in the day the story went with this notion that the human nobodies act human based on memory. They can't feel emotion but they can remember having them.

For what reason they did so was more or less left up to your interpretation. What was made clear is that they're desperate to become "whole".

The reason for that is because they are slowly fading away. Even in the modern KH era I think that rule stands. Their black coats and crusade for Kingdom Hearts was to avoid fading back into the void.

A fate that Yen Sid brings up in KH2 when explaining the nobodies to Sora.

As far as execution goes the lesser nobodies do it perfectly. They move in otherworldly ways, come in a variety of shapes based on how strong their heart was as a person, and we see them speak yet we can't actually hear the voice. (when the dusk talks to Roxas)

Where the concept hits a hitch and finds itself in that writing corner I mentioned is with the human variants. You are stuck between portraying them as they're described which would be boring narratively due to lack of emotion.

They simply wouldn't react to anything.

So you're stuck having to make them act human which then pokes a hole in the concept. You could excuse Roxas and Namine since their "somebody" still existed. That connection was there and even before Days or DDD you see it affecting Roxas in Kh2 as well as Sora in CoM whether it's the GBA or PS2 version.

Likewise, Namine's face, powers and desire to belong in someone's heart is her connection to both Sora and Kairi at play.

"How is that a problem????"

Quite frankly my reader it's not. At least it wasn't back then. As I type this I may have to reconsider my initial stance and say that Nobodies as a concept work well when used once because it's the expansion that's the issue.

I say this specifically in regards to KH DDD, KH3, and beyond. We not only get the Organization back either in human form or nobody but how they act is all over the place.

Ienzo, Dilan, and Aeleus come back both human and supposedly remorseful. We don't see much of it since Dilan and Aeleus don't talk while Ienzo is far more sociable than he is feeling guilt.

Even is revealed to have became a nobody again yet the guilt he felt upon awakening human and chose to be a double agent of sorts.

This raises a lot of issues to me personally.

Firstly, they can just go between nobody and human. I'm not saying it's an easy process but it is exploitable. Not only did the memories carry over as if the nobody was just revived with a Phoenix Down but apparently emotion was too.

Secondly, it highlights how pointless having nobodies return was because they're acting the same as they were prior in KH2 but also the same as they would if human. There is no distinction between the human and the nobody.

Barring have-to examples like Xemnas or Ansem there is no reason to do what they did. Worse, someone like Xigbar not only can exploit this mechanic but he does.

Being the current host of Luxu means that Xigbar can not only reclaim his long lost keyblade (Xehanort's No Name) but still freely use the powers you gain as a nobody.

Luxu now has his heart, his weapon, a potential legion of nobodies, and other dark powers to more freely as he wises with dark corridors and his manipulation of space. (his own unique nobody power)

This also makes the whole weight of nobodies being able to develop a heart of their own feel cheap to me.

Them gaining a heart of their own makes the whole nobody concept cheap for me to be fair but it is a KH stable that anything can have a heart so I'll begrudgingly accept it.

But to just jump between man and monster without seemingly losing anything as it's portrayed in KH3 just irks me. It makes the decision to become a nobody again feel without risk.

Given the nature of Luxu you could ignore it once but for Even to just carry over everything when becoming Vexen 2.0 is a step too far.

I also ponder why nobodies would even obey the revived Organization because while emotionless the lesser nobodies are not mindless.

Seeing this makes me question why they weren't questioning their superiors. They can think, plan, and surely more than a few can spot bullsh*t when they see it.

My Point

By now you likely wonder what my point with all of this is. If you've read this blog before you likely expect me to offer a solution or rewrite.

That's the maddening thing my patient reader, I don't have to offer such a thing because my friend @blackosprey did years ago.

And it ties back into the other new mechanic introduced after KH2, recompletion.

See, when a heartless is destroyed in the right way the heart will be freed. The two ways we know of so far are using a keyblade or the light of Kingdom Hearts.

Once that heart is freed it'll find it's vanished body and if that body has become a nobody it'll wait until the nobody meets it's end.

In that moment the original person is revived. On the surface that can make the nobody concept feel cheaper because it's essentially a "get out of jail card" for dying.

A mechanic that Luxu is fully capable of abusing in the current narrative btw.

But here's the crazy thing. Osprey just occam razored the whole issue and I have never forgotten it.

Her idea? Just make that nobodies death permanent in some way.

For example, lets say that you recomplete Marluxia. In this amazing idea you'd still get Lauriam back but the ego that was "Marluxia" is gone.

Lauriam would revive without his memories of Marluxia.

It's the most perfect solution to every gripe I have about nobodies ever told to me. It almost angers me that this isn't a thing!

Yes, that's right, you're not reading me tear down Kingdom Hearts to vent or talk about how bad it is. I'm not going to claim I can do this better than Nomura.

No no. What you're reading is me losing my sh*t because I think about this often. Just imagine how much that adds to the story, this idea of Osprey's.

The Potential was There

Not only do you keep all the stuff added to nobodies after KH2 but you keep the weight of their ephemeral existence.

Hell, it makes their existences more tragic because they'd eventually gain hearts to feel the dread of such a death. Knowing full well they "as themselves" would vanish for the original to return.

Those outbursts of emotion in defeat, the desperation to claim Kingdom Hearts, it all just flows so much better.

Sure, you still have Luxu abusing this human to nobody system but that'd just be one person out of 13. (no I didn't count Xion since she's a replica)

Sure, Vexen's role in KH3 would need a tweak or two but that's easy to do. You could even add that to his motives because he not only "ceased to exist" but comes back to see what he couldn't finish in his research.

Or you can spin it so that Even actually is remorseful upon seeing Vexen's research.

The potential there is endless and I can't help but think about it often. I'm going to go scream about it into the void now.

GAHHHh (bye~)

#kingdom hearts #nobodies #organization 13 #khtangent #kh meta

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zutaralesbian · 2 years ago

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Officially finished a first play through of all the romantic routes in book 3. Gonna give my review/thoughts on all of them. Probably a long post ahead because I have a lot of feelings even if no one but me cares lmao. (Obviously, spoilers under the cut)

The overall book

I’ve already seen someone in the tag say that this book had their least favorite plot but favorite relationship scenes. And I think I have to agree with that. The villains of this book just…did not intrigue me the way the villains of the first two books did. I’m not sure why but something about them didn’t hit. HOWEVER the romance and friendship scenes were excellent, the best of the series so far. And because I typically care more about characters than I do plots, that saved it for me.

Gonna ramble about the routes in order of the way I played them. (Since I only play the femslash routes, I’m going to be referring to the characters only by their female names in order to not complicate things. But obviously most of it applies to the male versions too.)

Ava

Ohhhhh Ava. My personal fave but the one that hurts the most lol. And this book (especially the ending) was no different. Though to her credit, we DID get a lot more from her than I thought we were going to get. Ava showed far more vulnerability in this book than she did in the first two books combined. From telling the detective her backstory (which was unbelievably sad btw. I totally get why she’s so emotionally guarded), taking the detective on that car date and letting them in on something that gives her personal enjoyment, and affirming to the detective more than once that she’s afraid to lose them.

And then….that kiss/confession scene. Like many others, I predicted that we were going to get a kiss only for Ava to take it back. But it DID kind of surprise me that she was so honest about it and did confess that she knew there was something between them. I kind of figured it was going to be an impulsive scene with no actual confessions. So this was better than I imagined. Still, it was a gut punch. And while I sympathize with Ava’s trauma and I don’t think she owes the detective a relationship, it is kind of coming off as her (unintentionally or not) playing with the detective’s feelings. So because of that I do think she sort of deserved the verbal smack-down your UB bestie gives to her towards the end. (In my route, Morgan accused her of caring more about protecting herself than she did about protecting the detective…and atm I’m kind of inclined to agree with that.)

I see Ava finally giving in at some point during book 4. Mostly because at this point…where else can her route go? They’ve kissed and feelings have been confessed. There’s no taking that back. It can only go up from here now, right? (At least I hope lmao). I’m wondering if the detective is going to move into the warehouse in the near future now that they’re officially a member of Unit Bravo? That could also be interesting on this route.

I love Ava and desperately want her to finally be happy. But she needs to stop sabotaging herself 😩

Favorite scene: The car date! I loved that we got to see a lighter, more peaceful side of her during it. Plus that wrist kiss 🥺

Morgan

While Ava is my favorite member of Unit Bravo, I do have to confess that Morgan was probably the MVP of book 3 specifically. Both her romance route and her friendship scenes were excellent in this book. Her character development is so apparent. I love how the detective steadily notices Morgan using less and less sexual innuendos in their conversations together as the route goes on. Not because Morgan has lost interest, but because she’s becoming legitimately afraid of the possibility of something happening to the detective…and grappling with the realizations that she really does not want to lose them. I was initially surprised by the lack of sex in her route, but the fact that there wasn’t one until near the end was really fitting imo. And at that point, it wasn’t just sex, it was making love. (Whether Morgan fully realized it or not). The route was just so emotional, in a way I wasn’t fully expecting.

I think at this point, Morgan knows that the detective is very important to her. She just isn’t fully sure how she wants to define the relationship. But I see her getting there very soon. I used to say that I saw Morgan fully giving in to her feelings before Ava (and I still think that) but maybe they’re both going to get there in book 4. Just Morgan towards the beginning/middle and Ava probably at the end.

Favorite scene: The shower scene. It was so tender and sweet. I loved that it was completely non-sexual and just Morgan helping the detective with their wounds. It’s possibly in my top 3 scenes of the series so far in general tbh.

Nat

I enjoyed Nat’s route this book way more than I thought I was going to. I like her character but her route has always admittedly been my least favorite…mostly just because I found it the least interesting. However, that certainly started changing here.

First off, it was surprisingly spicy. I already mentioned this in another post but I’ll say it here too. I find it very funny that Nat comes off as so scandalized by the sexual stuff in Morgan’s route but then in her own route…we get a potential outdoor sex scene, and one against a pool table lmao.

But outside the shallow stuff, I also liked all of the internal conflict with Nat. Her route is arguably the fastest burn. (I know Farah’s was kind of fast as well, but Farah at least hasn’t dropped the L word yet. At least not on my play through). Nat fell hard and fast. HOWEVER I think the reason for that might be because there’s a lot of angst coming in her route in the future. It’s obvious she’s keeping something about her past a secret from the detective…something dark. And she’s afraid that if the detective finds out about it, they won’t love her anymore. I’m very intrigued to find out what that is. My guess is she spent a period hunting and killing people before she joined the agency and found redemption. Whatever it is, it’s sure to be juicy.

Favorite scene: Their first sex scene. I loved that it comes right after the detective’s first love confession.

Farah

I saved Farah as my last solo route because I wanted to get some fluffiness in before delving into the pain the triangle was bound to bring me. And it definitely delivered. Her route had me smiling like an idiot throughout most of it.

But I also enjoy the complexities of Farah’s character. It’s very apparent that she has abandonment issues. Even though she’s obviously happy being with the detective, she also isn’t 100% sure that the detective isn’t going to eventually leave her, which breaks my heart. (And that’s probably part of the reason the L word hasn’t been dropped on her route yet). In a way, she’s almost as emotionally guarded as Ava and Morgan but she just hides it better. (Using a sunny and happy persona).

My hope for her is that she eventually gets to a place where she can talk to the detective about those insecurities. My guess is eventually, something big is going to happen that’s going to finally fully prove that the detective is in it for the long haul with her. Maybe she gets kidnapped and the detective goes through a lot to save her, or something like that.

Favorite scene: The movie date :)

Love Triangle

Not gonna lie, I’m not a huge fan of the love triangle. Partly because I always feel bad and making the decisions stresses me out lmao. But because I want to see everything, I have a detective for it.

The drama is heating up. Nat is beginning to realize there’s something going on between Ava and the detective, she just doesn’t want to accept it yet. And they’re starting to fight more :( I take solace in the fact that the author has already said that A and N’s friendship will be okay in the end, no matter what happens with the triangle. But I’m assuming we’re in for some more drama before things settle.

Being that Ava is my fave, I’ve pretty much always planned to have my detective eventually choose her, even though I feel bad about hurting Nat. But ngl, this book only further cemented that decision. I know there’s probably traumatic reasons why Nat is so overprotective of the detective but Ava was right when she said she was smothering them. I find Ava’s way of handling things (obviously wanting to protect the detective but also acknowledging they’re strong and should be able to get the chance to fight for themselves) far more attractive, personally.

(Side note: It’s interesting that there’s kind of been a role reversal between Nat and Ava on that front. In the beginning, Nat wanted to tell the detective the truth about the supernatural whereas Ava wanted to keep them in the dark. But now, Nat wants the detective to sit out of the fighting while Ava thinks they should get to be involved).

I’m wondering when the triangle is going to be resolved? My current guess is by the end of book 4, being that’s when I think Ava will finally give in on her solo route as well).

Basically, everyone in Unit Bravo needs therapy.

#the wayhaven chronicles #the Wayhaven chronicles spoilers #wayhaven chronicles #*

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soren-apologist · 1 year ago

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ok so in the tags of my last post there were people apparently interested in my thoughts on a king soren au

i’ve mentioned some stuff about it earlier but here are a few more notes i had

so my idea was that ashnard initiates the war the same way as in fe9, but in this case elincia’s knights do actually manage to deliver her to gallia under caineghis’ asylum. the greil mercenaries are never formed because gawain came back to daein after some time in gallia over concern for the young prince soren, so elena is still alive and ike and mist are raised in daein, where they become close friends of soren’s and the former would eventually become his right hand man.

anyway as for elincia’s knights i’m personally thinking that oscar and titania would continue to be royal knights of crimea and would be among the ones escorting her to gallia, with boyd and rolf tagging along as well to stay with their brother. considering titania could effectively solo the entirety of daein’s troops in fe9’s early game getting elincia to gallia would probably be a lot more successful than it was in the canon timeline.

under ashnard soren serves as his reluctant tactician, though he’s privately against the war itself especially since he has ike and mist nearby who definitely detest the violence. he stands alongside one of the riders, gawain, to defend nevassa while ashnard and the rest of his riders (petrine, bryce, bertram) go on the offensive and fight against gallia and eventually the forces elincia rallies between gallia and begnion.

when elincia’s forces attack nevassa (so essentially chapter 21) instead of ena defending the castle it’s soren and gawain’s troops. it’s especially brutal since, well, it’s gawain and ike fighting under soren’s guidance, but midway through the battle elincia manages to sneak her way to the throne where soren is and essentially appeal to his sense of decency. ike immediately retreats from his position to protect soren, only to overhear the discussion and decide to agree with elincia, which is the tipping point for soren and he decides to defect from ashnard’s army and rally his own troops to stop ashnard’s mad campaign and end the fighting as soon as possible.

essentially, this means daein is split between king ashnard with his riders and prince soren with general gawain and captain ike. from there the plot would follow similarly to fe9’s, except begnion never occupied daein. in a similar fashion to fe9, ike is part of what allows gallia, begnion, and daein to cooperate with each other, and eventually ashnard is defeated in melior and elincia ascends to the crimean throne.

yeah this is just part of the setup i had in mind since this only explains what happened instead of fe9. i’d imagine that soren would be as pragmatic and cutthroat as the originals, but maybe a little more empathetic and compassionate because his upbringing wasn’t nearly as shitty. tbh ike would probably be just about the same as before lol

#long post #sorry for the rambling. it will happen again

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mischief-lies-and-stories · 1 year ago

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Loki Episode 1 Reactions (Less Coherent Edition)

It's been two and a half years, y'all, and what a start to the new season it was. (I've seen mixed reviews in the tag, but personally the initial reaction is I loved it.) What I apparently forgot in those two years, however, is that my in-the-moment reactions notes are not very coherent. So I apologize in advance if you aren't sure what part the note refers to. I'm going to make another post tomorrow with some more coherent thoughts around the episode and some predictions about the season in general (I'm also going to be rewatching the episode later so that might lend more clarity to the next post as well). I also cut out a chunk of my reactions that were just me screaming a character's name when they showed up, unless it makes sense for the next note to leave it in (and there were a lot of these, since it's been two and a half years since I've seen my friends).

Obligatory spoiler warning if you weren't already expecting them. Prepare for some wildness. I've bracketed [ ] some brief clarifying post-ep notes (not everywhere though).

I'm obnoxious, I'm watching the entire recap.

The editing of this recap is interesting.

The bleak theme is worrying. I don't like it. But I do love the color scheme of the logo.

SYLVIE???!!!

CASEY!!!

Okay hopefully that wasn't Sylvie.

Someone give this boi [Loki] a nap. He's had a very very very long day and it's only getting longer.

What the fuck is happening.

X-5 you've got the haircut of a cop, I've decided I don't like you.

Man, I hope we fix this time-slipping in this episode, it's stressing me out too fucking much.

Oh motherfuck. This is driving me insane. This is Sisyphean torture. [I don't remember what specifically I was referring to, so I don't remember if this is an accurate description.]

OH MY GOD I LOVE LIZ CARR I HOPE SHE STICKS AROUND [Man, Liz Carr is just hopping from franchise to franchise this summer. She's in Loki, Good Omens, The Witcher)

OH SHIT. Renslayer and Kang. If they kiss on tape I'm marking it on the Bingo.

I DESPERATELY want to know what B-15's backstory is. She's a fantastic character and I want to know how she used this personality on the timeline.

Keep that Hitler youth-looking fuck away from my girl!

Oh my god, I'm going to be watching this conversation in the hall between Loki and Mobius over and over, because I love every part of it. The panicking, the teasing, the touching, the making each other feel better. Just the entire debriefing, reuniting conversation is EVERYTHING to me right now.

"In order to do that I need a Loki Who Remains." I love this

"I have no memory of having my memory wiped." Mobius. This is Catherine Tate on Nevermind the Buzzcocks telling David Tennant "I don't know songs I've never heard of" solidarity [I understand I'm making obscure 13+ year old references but this quote lives in my head rent free]

Ugh I HATE time travel. But it makes sense why his name is OB now. Also his door is a circle.

OB IF YOU KILL LOKI I WILL END YOUR CUTE BESPECTACLED FACE FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY "No...wait."

OB IF YOU KILL MOBIUS I WILL PERSONALLY FLAY THE SKIN FROM YOUR OWN BONES

Mobius writing "skin" into the dust on the computer lololololol

WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING JUST LET LOKI CONFESS

OB I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS IF ONE OF THESE BOYS EVEN SEEMS TO DIE AT THE END OF THIS EP

HOW IS HE GONNA HOOF IT BACK IF HE CAN BARELY CRAWL [I started getting really stressed at this point. It's pretty much caps lock from here on out.]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA END THIS EPISODE WITH MO BITING IT AND THEN LOKI FIXES IT IN EP TWO AND BRINGS HIM BACK

OR LOKI BITES IT AND THE OTHER WAY HAPPENS

THERE'S ELEVEN MINUTES LEFT BUT I DON'T TRUST MARVEL NOT TO MAKE ELEVEN MINUTES OF CREDITS

MARVEL DON'T MAKE ME CHECK OFF THE CRYING BOX [on the Bingo Card] ON EPISODE ONE

MARVEL

I WON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP

MARVEL

LOKI

MOBIUS

LOKI

MOBIUS

SYLVIE MY DARLING MY PERFECT LOVE THANK YOU OH MY GOD

How wild is it that Loki comes flying back from the jaws of death itself and saves Mobius from getting his skin ripped off and they land on the floor of the TVA in each other's arms, and the first thing Loki does is bring up his ex-girlfriend [I wouldn't classify Sylvie as this, but I'm being tongue-in-cheek, and Mobius did accuse Loki of falling for himself in season 1, so]

OKAY BUT I WAS RIGHT THAT WAS SYLVIE AT THE BEGINNING [Before you reply, remember I can't respond to those, and also I forgot that was the past and at the end Loki's in the future. HOWEVER, I do still think that was Sylvie at the beginning.]

SHE IS IN BROXTON HELL YEAH WHOEVER FIGURED THAT OUT (I don't remember who that was) FOUR FOR YOU HOLY SHIT

Oh Sylvie :(((

#i'm sorry for how long and incoherent this is but i'm stubborn and i'm posting it anyway #loki #loki tv show #loki season 2 #sylvie laufeydottir #mobius m mobius #loki season 2 spoilers #loki tv show reactions

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cheerfulmelancholies · 2 years ago

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Masterlist

Profile pic by @annama-art

About me: I love reading/writing and at any given moment I have too many projects circling through my head. I've loved to read for as long as I can remember and I've enjoyed writing things for that same amount of time. I also love video games and motorcycling, so if I'm not working on a wip I'm usually doing one of those two.

I'm not currently published, but I have a handful of original stuff I've been working on as well as fanfic. Some of my favorite tropes to read are found family, action/suspense, angst, horror/supernatural and slice-of-life. I tend to write very light sci-fi, action, supernatural, angst (though usually with a happy, if not bittersweet, ending) and occasionally somewhat comedic stuff. Sometimes, sometimes, I make shit get dark. I struggle with writing mystery and heavy romance, though I've been experimenting with the latter. A lot of my characters have somewhat sad backstories because apparently that's just what I do.

Tag game friendly!

I also love hearing about other people's wips so anyone is welcome to ramble in my inbox about their ocs and stories.

Side blogs: @purefandomonium: my blog for anything fandom-related. @artspace1001: for any art or photography.

Other places to find me: I currently lurk on FFN and AO3 under the username ThisPerson1.

Info about my wips below the cut.

All of my works are primarily tagged under their full titles, the fandom name if it's a fic, "creative writing," "writers on tumblr," "fanfic" and "my writing." Anything extra will be listed.

Original WIPS:

Medical Mechanical: A story about a couple of friends who set out to uncover the truth behind the mysterious mega-corporation that has infested their town and done strange things to their parents. Sci-fi, young adult, and I guess it also sort of falls under action, although nothing major really happens until much later. Additional tag(s): "mm" and "sci fi."

It's the first original thing I began posting about and also my favorite original project. I actually do have tons more than what I've posted thus far, but I got caught up in perfecting it and then sidetracked and kind of just stopped talking about it.

The Set Up: A sort of enemies-to-lovers* story involving two old acquaintances meeting years later and being reminded of how much they piss each other off. After they end up stuck together on a camping trip that was nothing more than a mischievous plan by their respective friends, they're forced to deal with each other until the trip ends. (Very light) Romance*, slice-of-life, humor/comedy, and angst—mostly due to their past trauma.

It's the second original project I'm working on, although this one has taken a backseat to my other works because I'm still going through the process of reformulating it. I thought I had it figured out, and was originally going to have it take place in college and be a forced-by-friends camping trip gone wrong, but I just wasn't feeling it. I don't know, but the way it was coming along just... didn't feel right. So I decided to essentially start over rather than force myself through something I wasn't enjoying and that wasn't getting anywhere. The main theme is that the two MCs initially can't stand each other and butt heads, however, they eventually learn more about themselves and each other and start making amends.

*I'm also at a point where I don't think I'm going to keep it as romance, but instead have their relationship be platonic. We'll see.

Fanfic:

Connection: Pokepasta/Glitchy Red fic about a girl who manages to befriend the embittered glitch. In other words, hermit high-schooler gets ahold of the titular Red cart and gets a new friend, and local depressed kids' game may not think life is so miserable anymore. Sci-fi/supernatural (because my version of Red is somehow both just a bunch of code and some digitalized cryptid entity,) very mild angst in the form of bullying, and found family/friendship. Additional tag(s): "glitchy red" and "pokepasta".

I got the brainrot and just wanted something to write with no worries. I write a chapter and as long as it holds up the story it gets published. That's it. I'm taking a break from serious writing/editing with this one. I've already let it get too out of hand as is. It was supposed to be a two-parter. Now look at it.

Mysterious New Member: Fic about the BF5 gaining a new member under mysterious circumstances. Due to the secrets she seems to be hiding, and the rising tensions of the war, Vert and the others find themselves on edge and at odds over what to do. Takes place during Fused. Sci-fi, action/adventure, humor. Additional tag(s): "bf5," and "hot wheels battle force 5."

Fun fact: This is a fic I started when I was like 13. I recently began rewriting it because now I am not 13 and I was rereading it one day and went, "The fuck did I write it like this for???" So began my tedious work of redoing the whole thing. The original is actually still up on FFN under the exact same name, for the new one I only added rewrite to the title 😅 I'm not mad at myself for the way it came out or anything, as I was literally a kid, but I can safely say my writing has improved immensely and I just couldn't fight the urge revamp it. I'm quite proud of how this new one is coming along, being both an improvement of my original version and also a slightly daker and more interesting take on BF5. I'm actually close to done, I'd say about 75-ish percent. I really just have two more major plot points to go through and the rest is just tying up loose ends as I go along. That said, if you'd like to check out the abandoned original, feel free. Just be prepared for a bit of whiplash when comparing the two.

It's The Thought That Counts: Dead Plate AU fic I started on a whim and, like a lot of things, it got out of hand and became a fun little side project. Rody isn't hopelessly pining after Manon, who's still alive but not relevant to the story, and Vincent isn't a psycho cannibal killer. Essentially gay panic meets bi-denial, Rody attempts to impress Vincent by learning how to bake lemon-themed desserts after he discovers it's the only thing that gives him any semblance of taste. After a shaky start, Vince decides to start giving Rody lessons and they eventually come to terms with their feelings. Romance, humor, angst, slice-of-life.

I've actually never written proper romance before this and am absolutely shocked that it's coming along as well as it is. It's the most fluff I've ever written. For whatever reason, these two dorks are super easy for me to write. I also recommend checking out the game, it's super fun.

There is so much more, but I'm going to stop for now.

If it wasn't already obvious, writing is my biggest passion and I hope to keep improving and expanding what I do. I'm also always open to advice and constructive criticism, and I hope to inspire and help others with their writing. Also, if you write anything with the tropes or genres that I listed, don't hesitate to tag me and I'll check them out! I really enjoy reading other people's works.

So yeah, that's me. If you made it this far, thank you for checking out my blog (and my long ass intro post) and I hope you'll stick around and see what I have to offer. Be on the lookout for more and more to come!

#writeblr #my writing #my proper intro post #writers on tumblr #creative writing #writeblr intro

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hyenabeanz · 1 month ago

Text

Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by @hsavinien

Tagging: you, if you wanna. Seriously, always like reading stuff about people I follow.

How many works do you have on ao3?

10. Mostly Owl House, couple of She Ra, couple of Steve Universe short things.

What’s your total word count?

19,566, though one is co-written.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

One Breath in Front of the Other (She-Ra, Catra centric)

All of You, All of Me (The Owl House, Raeda NSFW)

Do You Have a Flag? (The Owl House, Luz and the Hexsquad gen)

Sleeping patterns (Steven Universe meta about Ruby and Sapphire)

Catra's Shield (meta about SPOP finale)

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Almost always! I appreciate them so much, and I like fandom as interaction.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Of the ones on Ao3 probably "Legacies." (Steven Universe, no longer canon compliant.) It's Pearl yearning for Rose Quartz. But while most of my fics are angst filled, I try not to end them there. For real angst you'd have to uncover my teenaged ff.net account and Fruits Basket fics.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

"Plans (Fulfilled)" Raeda has some of my favorite fluff I've written, but "One Breath in Front of the Other" has like, real positive character growth and recovery that warms my soul deeply.

Do you write crossovers?

Not really. I’m very rarely interested in worlds crossing that way for whatever reason even as a reader, so writing it doesn't happen.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not on anything I've written as an adult on ao3, no. Some on much older stuff I wrote as a kid.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Lmao yes, though only two so far. Old witch monsterfucking, apparently. I'm open to writing more, I just haven't. I have part of another Raeda smutfic in progress where no one turns into a giant monster first. ......but there might be plant magic involved.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep! With @hsavinien Eda's Reprise (Be Refreshed, and Be Well) (Owl House, Eda/Raine) was really fun. We both are big fans of the ship and generally jive in how we like them written.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

That's hard because it always shifts, but Raine/Eda touches on some deep parts of my soul, particularly with Eda's character development. But I think Ruby/Sapphire from Steven Universe too. Both of these have some staying power due to personal feels and connections about the characters and ships.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I have a fic I was noodling around about Eda having to quit grudgby because of the curse. My angst fics tend to be me working though some shit; I was going to write this one because I was feeling utter despair at some of the ways my disabilities were limiting me from doing sports I cared about. But I've since worked through those things a bit, and am more at peace. I still DO wanna write the fic, but a lot of the initial motivation has (thankfully?) waned for now.

What are your writing strengths?

I think emotion and creating images. it was what people said they appreciated in the non-fandom writing workshops I was in, and what comments seem to imply.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Just actually doing it. Like so many things in my life, the executives don't function well so I do far less of it than I want. Which makes me sad, because I went to school for this shit, and was constantly told I have a talent for it. I'm good at words. I feel bad that I mostly waste it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Needs to be a reason for it imo. If everyone is speaking the same language, it usually makes little sense to suddenly interject it. It makes sense if the characters aren't speaking the same and you have a limited perspective. Or if you have a character that is bilingual and switches back and forth the actual way bilingual/ESL speakers do. So there are times that it's appropriate, but saying sacre bleu! to occasionally signal these characters are all speaking French! Or whatever is not one of them.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I kind of have some Locked Tomb ideas bouncing idly in my head but nothing concrete yet.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

Idk. I like many of them. Maybe The Blood Behind the Dam, which is an Owl House Raine and BATs centered fic that not many people seemed to check out for whatever reason. But I loved writing it, and I still like reading it sometimes.

#Fanfic #Fandom #Me #Ao3

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iatrophilosophos · 3 months ago

Note

(Lmk if you don't want me screenshotting ur tags/saying this next to it i just think this part is important. All future "you"s in this post are @ a general hypothetical reader, not @ you previous poster specifically.)

Neuroleptics is a huge frog boil. I think for a lot of ppl there is a wave of initial relief with the prescription cuz like, most people do get on these meds when they're feeling super fucked up & i think there is a ton of value in the like, neurological shake up to get into a different bodymind frame and start functioning different. And then, for me and a lot of ppl I've talked to, there's the numbness but there can also be 0 emotional memory: i.e. when i was on neuroleptic medication, every feeling was the *only* feeling i had ever felt. I had extreme lows in my daily life, at school, etc but in my nice quiet psychs office, I had nothing to report. Then, there's the fact that these medications cause withdrawals, plus feeling anything again can be super overwhelming. So you get the really classic loops and spirals/"unstable psycho behavior": hate ur meds, build up a bunch of antispsych thoughts, go off, don't process withdrawals well, get into a hole, get hospitalized or face pressure from family/friends/society at large, go back on, feel better for a little bit, start defending psychiatry really hard...rinse and repeat.

So! Alternatives and ~harm reduction~:

If you or someone you know decided you do want to take neuroleptic drugs, it's a really really good idea to set intentions to monitor side effects OUTSIDE of your relationship to your prescriber. Note when you feel like shit, note when you feel HAPPY, make a low effort chart with checkboxes for every day/incident, short form journal, long form journal, make a drawing every day, take a picture every day--whatever is easy and you can look back on to actually assess if this relationship to this drug is doing something you actually want in your life.

WITHDRAWALS ARE REAL. If you're currently taking, have taken, or are considering neuroleptic medication: your experience when you first go off meds or miss a couple days Is NOT "who you are" or what you can expect from baseline w/o the meds. It is an EXTREMELY GNARLY WITHDRAWAL. There's an OK harm reduction guide to coming off psychiatric medication i can send a PDF to if anyone wants to dm me their email (the only actual link I've found for it is paid :/). It's more oriented to antipsych 101 than actual medical info/support but it's ok.

Consider: trying almost anything else before taking neuroleptic medication. There is not really anything that's guaranteed to make you stop hallucinating, which can suck. However; that doesnt mean you will forever feel like shit, or that you can't make changes such that hallucinations are either a lot less likely and/or a lot less intrusive. The now mostly-defunct mad liberation movement has generated a bunch of wonderful narratives and discourse around this topic i highly reccomend delving into to find ideas and practices that might be good. you can search for archives of "mad liberation" "psychiatric survivor" and "anti psychiatry movement" newspapers which are also just super cool to read; you can look up the archived old website for the Icarus Project (search "icarus project archive" sry I'm on mobile); and Project LETS is an extant us college-centric group that might have useful resources. On the materials and practices side:

I'm an herbalist so I'm p much always gonna head towards herbalism; but i think there's some real benefits here in that herbs are 1) cheap 2) not controlled substances (unless you're in aeoteroa, apparently?) 3) many have extremely low if nonexistent potential to cause withdrawal (notable exceptions: kratom, kava) 4) most are metabolized very quickly (within an hour) and wear off within several hours; giving you a large amount of flexibility and control, and 5) there's a lot of good evidence even if youre science-only (kinda an L but you do you.) The Psychpharmacology of Herbal Medicine by Marcello Spinella is a somewhat dated but solid source you can find a free pdf of by Googling or looking on libgen or Anna's archive; find preparation directions in James greens Home Medicine Makers Handbook available in the same databases. It is important when assessing chemical tools like this to think outside the box and more granularly about what kinds of effects might be beneficial situation to situation in Your Specific Life than seeking some sort of "herbal antispsychotic", which does not exist.

Other good options: ruling out vitamin B and D deficiencies, introducing variation in your life or making major life changes (that might sound weird but IMO, starting a long term relationship with a powerful, withdrawal causing psychoactive drug Is In Fact ALSO a major life change!), dropping shrooms or acid, literally just start walking around where you live and see where it takes you, stay at a friend's house for a little bit and learn to navigate a new environment, uhhh in the past when I've been super fucked up in my life I've Literally just gone to like dollar tree and gotten as many foods that I've never eaten before as possible and it helped a lot more than it might sound like it would

Like basically do whatever you want forever and if any of this sounds stupid or terrible like...don't do it... but don't let the establishment fool you into believing your options are suffer with drugs or suffer without them and DEFINITELY don't accept the narrative that it's better to be numb, miserable, and riddled with physiological side effects but managable-for-society than it is to feel alive while insane, abnormal, and unable to live a normative life.

what is your opinion on anti-psychotics then?

that's a misnomer; neuroleptic drugs don't combat a singular biological state of 'psychosis' because there is no such observed or biomarked state. neuroleptics don't have good evidence for their efficacy in actually improving patient outcomes, and are known to cause a range of serious short- and long-term (including permanent!) side effects ranging from metabolic dysregulation to movement disorders (neurological damage) to sedation (they have previously been known as 'major tranquilisers').

on principle i think people should be able to use psychoactive substances of their choosing; in practice i think this is basically a moot point in regards to neuroleptics because the side effects are so common and severe, and the benefits so minimal. these are drugs that continue to be popularly prescribed because they make patients more 'compliant' -- ie, because our current social–economic situation is so profoundly hostile to variation in perceptions of reality that we render people more 'functional' when dangerously medicated into submission.

i also collected a few readings on this here.

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jeskoholic · 2 years ago

Text

A Little Piece of You Chapter 10: Sizzling Hot

This is a chapter from an ongoing series. If you missed out on the previous entries, you can check my masterlist.

Previous Chapter: Fuel to the Fire

Word count: 5,505

Tags: aespa Ningning x M OC, slight violence, college

Enjoy!

---

It was awkward.

That was about how Jae-in would summarize the trip back to his apartment.

Soyeon’s insistence of accompanying him back made it a lot more awkward than it initially was. Somehow even the wild and free attitude of Jeon Soyeon managed to tone down right after that unexpectedly heated and seemingly sexual confrontation. Everything seemed to have passed like a messy blur because of the alcohol’s swing, including the time that was inevitably left unchecked.

A couple of minutes before five in the morning were the time at the clock when a cab pulled over in front of Jae-in and Joohyun’s apartment. Like before, Soyeon insisted on taking care of the cab fare as it was her idea to get out in the first place and it unintentionally placed another check in the long list of debts that he owned her.

“Hey, you’re okay, right?” Soyeon asked from inside the cab’s window as soon as Jae-in was out. She had to ask. After all, Jae-in was quiet ever since they left the place. “We… about what happened back there…”

“Don’t worry about it, Soyeon-ssi. I’m not really awkward because of that. It’s just… I think that the alcohol’s getting to me and… I’m really tired. I’m sorry for being silent and I might have given you the wrong idea.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be fine?”

“I’ll be. I have a couple of hours to sleep before class, and I’ll be fine by then. I promise you.”

I really should have told her that I got class at 7, holy shit.

“Alright then; thank you for going out with me, Jae-in! I look forward to another one with you!”

Without any sort of sensible response ready, Jae-in merely nodded in reply and turned towards the cab driver.

“Please take her home safely, sir.”

The driver nodded and quipped: “Will do that, sir. Have a good night… or morning, for that matter.”

That was the final stretches of farewell that both Jae-in and Soyeon gave each other before the cab finally drove off and vanished into a corner. It was also perhaps the only time that Jae-in’s exhaustion truly sank into himself; apparently he was awake for hours more than he anticipated. Now, he only has an hour at most to get all the sleep he needed before heading to school. Certainly, being absent is not an option for a person such as Yoon Jae-in, even if it would equate to him operating on almost 30% of what he normally could do.

Luckily, Jae-in managed to sneak up towards the seemingly-empty apartment early in the morning. Somehow there was no one at the lobby of the apartment; perhaps another sliver of luck presenting itself to a guy who needed to go back to bed as soon as he could. He didn’t even bother to open the lights on their apartment’s floor and gently he moved to open the door heading straight to the room beyond.

And that was where his luck faded off.

Right as he entered the clean and quiet room, the figure of his step-sister Joohyun emerged from the hallway that separated their doors, oozing a corporate demeanour with a pair of black blazers and dress pants over a tight white shirt. Joohyun had her hair held back with a clam and her face in a small hint of make-up; albeit it was clear to Jae-in that she barely needed it because of how beautiful she was already. Whatever was the reason, she seemed to be ready to go out at any given time.

“N-noona, good morning,” he blurted out as he closed the door, praying to the heavens that Joohyun would not smell the remnants of alcohol in him. “Y-you’re early today.”

Joohyun raised an eyebrow.

“I thought you were asleep. Did you go somewhere? I didn’t seem to notice that you’ve left.”

“I… uhh…”

Crap, Jae-in thought to himself as he internally panicked. There’s no way I would tell noona that I went off drinking in the morning. That’ll get me in trouble.

“I went for a jog. Yeah, that’s what I did… I…. I-I woke up early and since I c-can’t sleep I just went out and went for a jog. Jogging is healthy, right?”

Even though he really did not look the part, Jae-in was sure he was passable as someone ought to go for a morning jog anyway. It was weird to go out in that cold weather not wearing any jacket of sorts but it was the best excuse he could make up on the spot. The fact that he was sweating perhaps was a small prop.

“I see,” Joohyun replied. “No wonder you’re sweating, but that’s good in the mornings. By the way, you have a class at 7 am, right? That schedule falls on today, right?”

Oh good, she bought my reason. Oh my god

“Y-yeah, noona; it’s still a couple of hours away so I figured—“

“Have you eaten breakfast yet? I assume you didn’t because you went out so early,” she said nonchalantly while checking on the contents of her bag located at the couch. “Well, since you’re here and awake and I think I could spare a couple of minutes, I’ll just wait for you to finish showering and we can have breakfast together. There are things I could prepare quickly without having to cook. Then I can drive you to school so that you won’t have to worry about boarding a bus and risk getting late.”

“Oh about that noona I actually—“

BA BANANA BA BA-BANANANANABA BANANA~

“Excuse me, Jae-in, I need to take this call. I’m actually expecting this since this morning. Please go ahead; shower and change to your school clothes. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Jae-in, with utmost courtesy, wanted to decline the generous offer of his older sister yet before he could even say a word, Joohyun was immediately occupied on a phone call from work. And so, most reluctantly, Jae-in slowly walked towards the bathroom with regret all over his head; his additional planned sleep vanished into thin air thanks to the love of Bae Joohyun.

---TWO HOURS LATER---

I am a hypocrite if I won’t even admit that I enjoyed that little midnight adventure I had with Soyeon but damn did it exert a huge toll against me. Not getting even a sliver of additional sleep was already more than enough to throw my momentum off, but having to endure a headache in the middle of the day was something else. If only I was not cut by Joohyun-noona when I came home earlier, I would have at least given myself some form of rest before I even head to school. I would not mind going in late if it meant that I would function properly; right now I feel like I’m just a shell of my former self.

But I know I can’t blame her for offering that. Everything was my fault for not being stern enough.

Had Joohyun-noona timed this on a normal day, I would have loved being brought to school by her. The timing is just so unfortunate.

My 7 am class was Language and it was a class I shared with Shinwon as well. However, about half an hour passed since then and he was a no-show, which is self-explanatory considering he really despised early morning classes. I envy him, though; at this time of the day he is probably having the time of his life sleeping while I’m here, begging to the heavens that the small cup of coffee ought to help me up for another hour before the vacant hour right after. I don’t know if it could combat the exhaustion from about 2-3 hours of sleep, walking around the middle of the night with Soyeon, as well as drinking in the middle of everything that was going on. I doubt, which is why I should give myself even a couple of minutes to sleep at the cafeteria.

I figured I should be prepared for the worst as well; this throbbing headache as well as the minimal amount of sleep ought to make my mood really disastrous. I don’t know how else I could explain to my friends that it was a mood swing caused by being too tired. If this reaches Soyeon, it could mean trouble. Personally, I find it hard to control my short fuse when I’m at this mood even though I was completely aware of it.

It would have been easy if I had the courage to absent myself. However, I can’t.

It was a misplaced sense of self-righteousness but Joohyun-noona is working her ass off to bring me to school, and to me it’s an obligation to go there despite being tired. I know that there are times that she’s tired, but I never saw her give up.

Well, it was obvious from the get-go that I am not particularly immersed in such small sleep practices and so it was very uncomfortable for me to try and catch some rest at the cafeteria. I merely ended up waiting an hour long, wasting my energy trying to sleep as I was torn on being too frustrated to not sleep, and being too uncomfortable with my position in the table.

Luckily, the following class of Differential and Integral Calculus was dismissed early and so at least that was one less hour to endure for my vaguely irritated self. The classroom was emptied of my classmates as well as the professor, and so I was able to rest myself even for a couple of minutes. This time, I did not even attempt to sleep but rather just keep my eyes shut to take in the solid, rested atmosphere. I spent a couple more minutes there when a familiar voice greeted me coming from the direction of the door.

“What’s up with you staying all alone in this room, Jae-in?” I heard Hongseok’s voice greet as he approached. “Normally you’re supposed to be at Naevis at this time of the day. Why are you here?”

I raised my head just in time to see him occupy the empty chair beside me. Flocks of students flooded the outer corridor of the hallway, which explains the sudden surge in commotion. No wonder things started to get a bit chaotic.

“I… I’m just too tired to head to Naevis, man. I figured I’d stay here for a while before the next class comes in, which I think would happen in an hour so I have a lot of time.”

“You don’t have plans this noon? You’re not eating with Kino, Shinwon, or Dawn for that matter? You’re not even going with Soyeon?”

I shook my head.

“I don’t think I’d be doing that now. Shinwon did not show up on our 7 AM class so I doubt he’s going to show up soon as well. Kino has an important errand to run, and Dawn’s pretty much MIA unless it’s weekends, so the answer is ‘no’. I’ll probably doze off at the campus library for a bit and maybe get lunch late… Soyeon… I don’t really know. I have no plans, in short.”

Hongseok nodded in silence, and then he proceeded to pat my shoulder with his hand; an act that surprised me.

“Well, if that’s the case then why don’t you just head on out with us and grab lunch together? It’s certainly better than just having to eat alone you know. We’re friends, after all.”

“Who’s ‘us’?”

“Hmm… I asked Ningning and normally she’s available. Maybe Kyungsoo would show up out of the blue, but it’s unlikely. I just figured maybe you’d be comfortable if you know that I asked him as well. What do you say? Do you want to grab lunch with us?”

I hesitated for a bit, wondering if I could handle the short-fused self I have right now, and then maybe the presence of other people ought to help me out of this instead of just keeping everything to myself.

“Why not; sure, let’s get lunch later. That would be wonderful.”

“Great! I can’t wait to tell Ningning. She’ll be happy to know that you’re joining us. I’ll be finished with my morning classes in two hours, so maybe we can meet at Naevis at around 11 or so. In the meantime, you’re cool with waiting, right?”

“I really don’t mind. It’s convenient because I could get some rest as well.”

“I see. Are you okay, Jae-in? There’s something really different with you. You look really exhausted. Did something happen? You studied after-hours?”

“Oh no, it’s nothing, man. Thanks for your concern but I can manage. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed maybe; that’s why I’m acting like this. I’ll just give myself some sleep for maybe on the two hours that I am waiting for you and I’m good to go. I just need a reset.”

“Alright then; I’ll count you on that. So, do you plan to stay here and wait for the next class? Two hours here seemed so uncomfortable if you’re planning to stay for two hours.”

“You know what… let’s just walk. You’re class is not in this building anyway right, Hongseok? I could use some sunshine time and maybe shake me off of this annoyingly exhausted demeanour.”

“Well, I couldn’t argue that that is a good call. Suit yourself, Jae-in. Let’s go.”

---A FEW HOURS LATER---

Of all the people Jae-in would think might accompany them, the lunch unfolded exactly as how Hongseok told him previously. Apparently it was only Ningning who ended up joining them both, with Soyeon not even bothering to answer the small invite because she was not actually online. Jae-in has never been to this specific eatery that he had heard a couple of people talk about, and that is despite the location being not that far from the usual eatery he went to. Now, thanks to the convincing powers of Hongseok and Ningning combined, the anticipation of the place’s food somehow eased him off of his lack of sleep.

It was the middle of the day and the sun was clearly up on top of the sky, yet the three of them could still feel the small aftermath of the cold wind approaching them. The place that they never quit on recommending to Jae-in was apparently called Saesong Grill and Sizzling Restaurant, colloquially known amongst the students as ‘Sizzler’s’, and the small stall was located just on the side of a residential area with its façade appealing to look more like a small eatery than an actual restaurant. Upon approach, however, Jae-in and company could already smell the aroma of the variously cooked food from the inside, inciting excitement between them three.

“I’ll get the order,” Hongseok said as soon as he scanned the small eating space, which was fortunately lacking of students at that time of the day. “I’ll also pay for your drinks so you get to choose that. And by the way, I’ll be the one to order for you, Jae-in. It’s your first time here so you better taste the best the shop has to offer.”

“I don’t mind. Saves me time to choose; thanks Hongseok-ah.”

I’m too exhausted to think anyway.

“Right, just make sure that you and Ning choose a good spot for us, okay?”

“I got that covered up for you,” said Ningning. She then proceeded to pull Jae-in by his hand again before speaking to Hongseok once more. “I’ll get a Dol-bi and mango shake to even out the taste. How about you, Jae-in…?”

“I’d get a mango one too, if you don’t mind.”

“We’re good then. Please go and choose a seat for us. Thanks!” added Hongseok.

Ningning and Jae-in eventually resorted to eat on a table closest to wall, right on the furthest corner of the eatery. Her reasoning was for the smoke from the food to not get too saturated on them and that the smell would not stick. Jae-in did not really mind, whatsoever, as his primary concern that moment was to eat and enjoy the company without any of his high school friends. The young Chinese student sat beside him while leaving the chair opposite Jae-in vacant for Hongseok. Moments later, the couple were eventually joined by Hongseok right after placing their orders.

“God, the place does smell good,” Jae-in quipped as soon as Hongseok managed to take a chair. “I guess I can see why people talk about this place often. I’ve never been here.”

“I thought that you were joking when you said that at first. Almost every person in the Uni has come here at some point in time. In fact, Soyeon loves to go here. I just don’t know what’s gotten onto her that she’s not replying to me in any sort of manner, be it on the group or on my private messages,” responded Hongseok.

I guess Soyeon’s asleep after what happened earlier this morning.

How much I envy her for having that privilege. If only I had the guts to actually not go to school today. I’d rather endure not having enough sleep than get spanked in some form by noona for not heading to school.

“This is seriously one of the best eateries near the school,” Ningning seconded. “Once our orders arrive, you’re going to know fucking why.”

“I honestly thought that maybe Soyeon would have invited you here at some point. I’m surprised nothing of the sort happened yet,” Hongseok said before pausing. He gulped and fixed the table’s condiments before tilting his head back to Jae-in again. “That reminds me; didn’t Soyeon tell you where she is or anything? It’s weird for her to not be online at this time. I know that she has her class in the afternoon.”

He knew why, yet it was not something he wanted to disclose. And so, Yoon Jae-in merely shrugged, with Hongseok and Ningning exchanging glances.

Hongseok opened his mouth to protest but he was distracted with the sound of sizzling plates of food making their way towards the three of them. Ningning, Jae-in and Hongseok immediately cleared their table to make way for the food, in turn thanking the waiter as soon as he finished unloading the dishes on the table. Jae-in could only marvel at the amazing sight before him; his nostrils were immediately flooded with the soothing aroma that accompanied the soft popping sound right in front of him.

He could not even describe what the food was. Certainly, there might be some sort of idea in him with regards to what’s really presented, although with how complicated it was arranged, he could not identify if the food was even remotely Korean or not.

“Holy shit, it smells really good!”

“I told you so. I made sure to order the best for you,” Hongseok said, smiling. “I won’t be surprised if you’d repeatedly come back to this place given how good their food is. It’s pricey, sure, but you’re definitely getting the bang for your buck.”

“I would like that idea, but all these oily meat and this sizzle ought to take its heavy toll on me once done too much, although it does look really inviting. I’ll definitely come back here.”

“Wow,” Ningning said as she took a bite ahead. “I wish all of the guys are watching what their eating and not mindlessly lulling themselves over fat and alcohol, right Hongseok? Did you just hear what Jae-in said?”

“Yah, Ningning-ah, please don’t give Jae-in the wrong idea. If anything, Shinwon’s a lot more into these kinds of stuff. I’m just way too subtle, you know?”

“Bullshit… all of the North Line knows you’re a fuckboy,” Ningning supplied, serving Hongseok with a malicious grin. “Oh excuse me… a really rich fuckboy.”

“Hey that’s pretty much uncalled for! Plus, it’s not my fault that people swoon over my body. I’m just being friendly, and I’m giving them precisely what they want. It’s not my fault that I’m good looking.”

“Oh my god, there he goes again.”

“Since when did this become about me, huh? We’re here for Jae-in, right? Please don’t make him take in unnecessary things. We’re here to enjoy each other’s’ company.”

Jae-in raised his head up and moved his attention to Hongseok, just as he was freshly chewing a mouthful of meat coming from his chopsticks. “Oh don’t mind me; I’m enjoying the food. It really tastes good; exactly how you told me it would taste like.”

“How about I turn this conversation to the person who duly needs some question, huh? How about that? Jae-in, look, I know that we don’t get around too often compared to when you go out with Kyungsoo and the others… so I’ll drop my balls to the ground and ask you this. What is really going on between you and Soyeon? What are the two of you, exactly?”

Thankfully it was not a drink that Jae-in was consuming that time otherwise he would have easily spewed it right in front of Hongseok. That’s not exactly the one impression he wanted to convey for a time such as that one. He then let his gaze roll as he was in mid-chew, scanning the look of Ningning beside who merely supplied him with a curt smile.

It was bound to be asked at some point. Even if he wanted to delay it, there’s no changing the fact that…

“We’re nothing. There’s nothing going on between me and Soyeon.”

“I’ve been holding this in as well,” Ningning interfered as she finally spoke her mind. “Jae-in, it’s hard to believe that because the two of you went out of the Penthouse all clingy and intimate together. I think maybe at some point you’ve talked about it already, right? Curiosity got the best of me; I’m sorry.”

The three of them fell silent as both Ningning and Hongseok waited for his reply. Jae-in ran his eyes from Hongseok to Ningning once again, captivated by the latter’s look of utmost concern towards him. Intimidated, he eventually broke apart and finally spoke.

“I… I actually haven’t told this to anyone. I’ve been actively avoiding it because… I don’t know. It feels weird to talk about it…. Well, you two are friends with Soyeon so I figured…. That night at Skylight, Soyeon actually confessed that she likes me.”

His statement was met by soft oohs coming from the pair. Their expressions were different as they showed a face more of confirmation rather than surprise.

“We… we figured that’s what happened,” said Hongseok.

“Wait, you guys knew?”

“Jae-in, you said it yourself; we know Soyeon more than you do. We figured that it would happen at some point.”

Does Soyeon often do this to guys she just met?

“Bottom line is… Do you like her back?”

“Umm… honestly, it’s very complicated…”

Hongseok nodded.

“So it’s a ‘no’ then, otherwise you would have said so already.”

“No, please listen first. You see, things have gotten to me ever since that night in Skylight. Looking back at what transpired throughout that only showed how fast we were taking this… situation. I do admire how Soyeon felt really determined to prove of her feelings of me; and I’m not telling this to you because I don’t appreciate her. It’s just… this entire thing, even with the premise of her confessing to me when she was drunk… I think every normal person would agree that pursuing it would be a bad idea. I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one who’s thinking like that.”

He paused for a bit and drank a mouthful to regain ground, and then resumed talking once again.

“I can see how Soyeon would turn out in case I reciprocate her feelings and formally date her, but then again I still have a lot to know about her. It’s crazy to think that you knew her better than me; and I guess that’s not ideal for someone that you like to date. At least, that’s not how I like it to turn out. Call me old-fashioned, but it’s just the way I think it’s supposed to go.

“One can perhaps blame me for my lack of romance since my high school days for how I’m feeling right now… leaving me to think that Soyeon’s being too much towards me in ways I don’t even want to disclose. I don’t want to just co-exist with her because that would be really unfair to her feelings for me. I just don’t want to feel obliged to do anything for her when yet I’m not even sure if I actually like her back. I’m slowly feeling the pressure that I should do something for her in return. I know it’s just me, but I can’t help but feel it.”

Hongseok nodded in silence while Ningning watched. The former then moved to ask a follow-up.

“Can be honest with you, Jae-in?”

“Go ahead.”

“I’m actually surprised that Soyeon even took a liking onto you. You’re the least type of person I think Soyeon would be interested on. No offense.”

I kinda expected that.

“Don’t worry man… I totally understand it. That’s part of the reason why I’m unsure of what to feel as well… I mean, why would she even like me?”

Hongseok shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know… maybe she’s trying something different? I don’t know how Soyeon thinks these days. The thing is, with the years of our friendship, I could already tell what kind of person she likes. Tall, athletic, brooding… I’m sorry to say but you already lack two of those. I’m not saying that you’re ugly, Jae-in. God knows that you’re a good-looking man, it’s just you’re not fitting into the standard that I thought Soyeon held up. You came as a huge surprise to me.”

“I guess so…”

“Hey,” Ningning interfered. “But it’s not like you can’t change your preference when you’re interested with someone. Maybe that’s what Soyeonnie’s feeling right now. Girls do that.”

“Jae-in,” Hongseok said once again. “Have you even considered giving it a shot? Have you ever thought that… what if, just for a day, you tried to act like Soyeon’s your girlfriend and feel what it’s like to have Soyeon with you and maybe think your decision after that?”

“And if I didn’t like how that turned out and I’d reject her, wouldn’t that feel unfair for her because I made her believe in something false? I just gave her hope. In the moment that I’d take it away, it would not be pretty.”

“How are you supposed to find out if you’re not going to try?”

Jae-in had his answer formulated in his mind, but with the combined irritation from Hongseok’s persistence as well as his seemingly heated mood because of his lack of sleep, everything in his head just wanted him to shut up and listen. However, he also did not want to be rude and so all he could do was control him and try to think properly of what he wanted to convey. Ningning, on the other hand, looked back against Hongseok with a look of disgust.

“Hongseok… what the fuck… I agree with Jae-in here,” the young girl seconded. “I feel like it would be unfair for him to do that to her.”

“Exactly… it would feel like I’m the one who’s taking advantage of her situation just because I know that she has feelings for me. She might interpret it with me reciprocating things for her.”

“I get your point, but you won’t solve anything between you two unless you find out if you like her or not. Are you sure that you want to let Jeon Soyeon, a multi-talented, beautiful woman who has boys fall head over heels for her presence because of her amazing body, and admitted having feelings for you, just go because you can’t figure out if you like her or not? Other guys would like to kill just to be in your position man. Do you even realize what you have on your platter, Jae-in?”

I don’t honestly understand why he is playing devil’s advocate against himself. I don’t fucking get what he is trying to point out for me to understand. All the points that he’s throwing at the table feels like it’s just contradicting each other. It’s getting so fucking annoying already that I want to make him shut up.

What is the point of this conversation?

Was he supposed to convince me to be with Soyeon or not? Which side is he on?

Is he just getting stupid answers from me?

“I know that, which is why I want to be absolutely sure if she just confessed to me because she knows there’s a huge chance of me liking her back or there’s something else on play. Sure, let’s remove the fact that she was drunk when she confessed to me, but things are getting a bit too fast that I can’t even think. On top of all that, I’m doubting of even acknowledging my feelings for her because I’m also considering the fact that she might be using me to move on, or even just be her past-time while she has no boyfriend yet. What happens if she managed to find one better than me, huh? Where would I end up once that happens? I have my traumas as well, Hongseok, which is why I wanted to be absolutely sure. I am in no position to gamble and play games. We’re way past that.”

“Jae-in, that’s overthinking too much. All I’m saying is… why don’t you try to give a feel into things first and try to return some of her feelings? It’s not like you’re the best guy in the campus. Like you said, she could easily replace you if she wanted to, now with a better guy—“

That was it.

That was the tipping point.

Every emotion in Jae-in’s body broke like a fuse; anger and emotion surging through his entire body as his blood rushed into his head, amplified by the terrible mood swings brought in by his lack of sleep. The memory of his trauma brought back painful memories upon Hongseok’s mention of a better guy, and everything in his sight seemingly went black.

He immediately stood up from where he was seated; furious by the statement that Hongseok released, and moved to clutch the man’s collar with his hands. Jae-in, with utmost overflow of emotions, had his entire rationale flushed out the window as he pulled Hongseok up by his shirt and glared at him, earning a panicked reaction from Ningning. Soft clatters of the half-empty dishes were heard on the table as the rest of the restaurant’s patrons shifted their attention to Yoon Jae-in and Hongseok.

“Hey, hey, calm down!” Ningning’s voice hissed as she too joined the two men. She brought her hands between them and moved to gently hold Jae-in’s arms to shake him back. “You took it too far, Hongseok. I think Jae-in gets your point. You don’t need to tell him things he already knew.”

“Okay, I’m sorry man,” Hongseok said amidst the deep glare of Jae-in in front of him. “It’s my fault… I should have stopped talking. Can we calm down now? We don’t need to talk about her. I’m really sorry.”

“Jae-in… please let him go. You’re causing a scene. It’s alright,” Ningning’s voice came, soothing the angry Jae-in. The young man then finally caught up to what was going on and scanned the area. He saw how everyone was looking at them, and the sight eventually caused his grip on Hongseok to slacken and eventually let him go.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” he said.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” said Hongseok as he patted Jae-in’s shoulder. “Calm down. Drink some shake. You just need to chill.”

Hongseok then turned towards the busy onlookers, waved his hand, and then supplied them with a wide smile.

“Sorry about that! I said something wrong. Please continue eating. We’ll sort this out. Thank you!” and then bowed.

And just like that, the two guys eventually sorted their emotions and sat down. Jae-in could barely even keep his head up now that he had caused such a scandalous scene in his first time at the place. He could only do so much as ball his fist, frustrated for losing control of him as well as relieving the harkening memories of his past relationship.

It was fortunate that Ningning was there to be the mediator between them both. As Jae-in and Hongseok were both busy reflecting on their actions and words that lead to such a terrible result, Ningning was the first person to introduce a new topic between the three of them, completely unrelated to Soyeon or even the friend group, as they finally finished their lunch in the empty, smoke filled eatery.

#ning yizhuo #aespa ningning #pentagon hongseok #gidle soyeon #kpop fluff

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