#apparently I get it from my mother or whatever. And also am unable to feel bad for things. And also don't Know anything

[twilightarcade]

Oh Man now I'm a narcissist. Who is abuse. Watch out world.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my brother to turn down the volume? And WIBTA for assuming his internet history and trying to get him to stop visiting certain sites?

So it's like this- my (24ftnb (closeted)) hearing is incredibly oversensitive. Like, I can hear someone chewing with their mouth open from 100 paces. However, I'm usually good about not reacting to noises that frustrate me. Not always- sometimes I have to text a meme I made to one of my brothers (22m, 20m, 12m) that's an edit of the "I (do this thing), but I don't want to" meme. The one with the guy who looks up in the second panel with red eyes. "I hear everything, but I don't want to," y'know?

In the past, the predecessor to this meme was simply crawling out of bed to stand in my brothers' doorframe to tell 22m (younger at the time, obviously) to stop singing loudly at 2 am. (It never worked until our parents got involved, and even then sometimes not for the entire night.) Times have changed, I no longer sleep across the hall from all three, but we're all still stuck in the same house, and it's now 20m who's keeping me awake.

Most of the time, he's watching a show he enjoys or playing a video game in the basement. And humming along. Which sounds perfectly fine, and I'm glad he can find some time to indulge in his interests. Whenever I ask him to maybe indulge at a volume that doesn't carry through the vents and directly to my room, though, he gets angry and tells me it's an "anon problem, not a [him] problem." Which. Whatever. I'll deal with itchy earplugs if I need to when at home. They're usually enough to silence the little things, though louder stuff always manages to get through.

Now, though, we're visiting family, and the four of us are sharing a hotel room while our parents take a second. (Yes, yes, I know, three 20-somethings still living with our parents. Our parents put the "rent" into "parent" for each of us once we hit 18, so it's not like we're "freeloading." The economy's in shambles, so this is the best we've got rn.)

And 20m started watching episodes of a show he likes on the room's TV almost immediately after dinnertime, continuing until about 11:30 PM, when I eventually suggested that he watch one more before turning it off or switching to his phone. Something that wouldn't get loud enough to half-wake 12m for the fourth time in a row. I was careful not to mention my own annoyance at being unable to sleep.

Apparently the appropriate response was "I don't want to hear that from you."

Now, this is where that other question I asked comes in, and why I felt the need to specify that I'm closeted ftnb. See, 20m has previously talked about sigma males being better than alpha males, has told me to "use your ethos!" and acted like I was an idiot for not catching on that he meant "use your brain," and repeatedly interrupts conversations where our mother, 12m, and/or I are speaking to completely veer it off-course to whatever he wants to talk about. Additionally, he is incredibly controlling of 12m and has been for nearly all of 12m's lifetime. At the same time, whenever I try to point this out to someone, I am not believed and am considered to be overreacting, thin-skinned, or oversensitive. If 20m is around to see me do so, he snaps at me for "butting in."

Honestly, it feels like he might be browsing incel subreddits or something, but I don't know any specifics beyond how his mentality's changed over the years. All I know is that it feels like he is so much less likely these days to treat my suggestions as equal to his own when I'm not being a yes-man. Yes-person?

Now, I'll straight-up admit that I am not an objective observer. It's very possible that I'm in the wrong about all this, as far as I can tell, but these are the facts as I see them, and nobody's told me otherwise while also elaborating on what the truth would be in such a case.

So…AITA for asking my brother to turn down the volume? And WIBTA for both assuming he's browsing sites that are eroding his ability to interact with other people, and for planning to find a way to get him to stop?

What are these acronyms?

[buriedalienfma]

In this week, Episode 6 of 'My Adventures with Superman' was released, and.....this was a weird one. Out of all the episodes we have of this show so far, this episode has got to have the weirdest premise, and whether that's a good kind of weird or a bad kind of weird, I'll leave up to you, because I can't decide for myself.

So here's my thoughts on Episode 6 (Spoilers incoming) :

So first off, I guess I'll have to address the ''controversy" from the previous episode. Apparently a bunch of people got mad about Lois's actions in the previous episode, saying that she was unreasonable for getting mad at Clark for hiding his identity from her, and also calling her "toxic" or whatever for jumping of the building to prove that Clark is Superman. If it sounds like I'm being flippant about this, it's because I am. Normally, I try to accept that different people have different opinions, but this is the exception - those people are wrong, and their opinion is wrong. I might have seriously over-estimated just how much people know about Superman through pop-cultural osmosis, because Lois discovering Superman's secret identity and getting mad about Clark keeping secrets from her is such a well-established Superman plot. It's been done in several Superman stories, and it's part of what makes the dynamic of Lois and Clark so interesting.

And as for Lois jumping off a building to prove that Clark was Superman, well that's just another thing that has its roots in other Superman stories. Lois pulling insane stunts to get an interview from Superman or to try and find out his secret identity is practically one of her defining character traits at this point. Hell, even the comics lampshaded it at one point. Here's Clark Kent pulling that exact same stunt in a story where he was powerless and had to get an interview from a new superhero that was running around in Metropolis :

Within the context of the show on it's own, Lois being angry at Clark makes perfect sense. She obviously has issues with people keeping secrets from her, and previous episodes established that her father lied to her about how severe her mother's illness was. Clark trying to brush off his injuries at the end of that episode must have reminded her of that incident, which explains her strong emotional reactions. Also people seemed to have taken Clark's side in this conflict, but consider Lois's perspective here. She's been trying to get ahead in the Daily Planet for months. She tried to get an interview from Superman, who bailed out on said interview despite initiating it in the first place. That's kind of a jerk move, especially since Clark knows how important that interview was for her. It also feels hypocritical of him to lie to Lois when he made such a big deal about lying being a bad thing in the pilot. On the one hand, he keeps telling her to trust him and open up to him, on the other hand he keeps evading her both as Superman and as Clark. No wonder she's angry at him. I saw some people saying it was 'forced drama', when it obviously isn't. 'My Adventures with Superman' is pretty simple compared to other cartoons and superhero TV shows, I'm actually surprised that everything I discussed above is flying over people's heads. In any case, I should stop rambling about the previous episode and just move on to the next episode.

The episode follows through on the cliffhanger from the previous episode, as Clark and Lois quickly catch on to the fact that Jimmy is missing and they try to retrace his steps to find him. I like that Clark and Lois still care about Jimmy even though they're caught up in their own drama. I also like that Clark is unable to find Jimmy with his own powers, which means that they have to use good old-fashioned detective work to find Jimmy.

It turns out that Jimmy was captured by a talking Gorilla named Mallah and a sentient Robot named Brain who worked for an organization called Project Cadmus before they had to flea for their lives when Cadmus turned against them. The pair now live in an area of the woods that is shielded from the public. Despite my familiarity with the DC Comics, I've don't know much about these guys. Apparently they have connections to Gorilla Grodd, a Flash supervillain, and have served as enemies to the Teen Titans and the Doom Patrol ? I guess it's nice that this show is adapting such obscure characters. So far, this show has had some very grounded antagonists and characters with Superman himself being the fantastical exception, so it feels bizarre to have characters like Mallah and Brain in this episode.

On the other hand, it's nice that Jimmy gets to be validated when it comes to some of his conspiracies. Him managing to talk his way out of a bad situation with Mallah and Brain is also a great moment.

There's a lot going on in this episode between Clark and Lois being menaced by a bunch of scary robots, Clark losing his powers inside the hidden area in the woods, and the trio working out their conflict through all the chaos going on around them, it's a good thing that the writing is solid enough to balance all of these elements.

Boy, this show really wants to capitalize on how attractive Clark is. He spends half of this episode completely shirtless and those moments are all drawn in ways that emphasizes his muscular build. It's not a complaint, just an observation.

So it turns out that Jimmy already knew that Clark was Superman this whole time. On the one hand, I really like this moment. I was worried that Jimmy might just fall into the comedic airhead role, so it's nice to see that he is smart enough to figure out Superman's secret identity. He also shows a great deal of emotional maturity when he confesses that he kept that secret from Clark because he was waiting for Clark to tell him on his own terms. On the other hand, I kinda wish that the previous episodes at least hinted that Jimmy was in on the secret, because it almost seems to come out of nowhere.

The reason that Clark kept his identity a secret from his friends was because he just wanted to be normal, and didn't want his friends to treat him like he was an alien. I really like this. For one, it shows that the writers have a good understanding of Superman's character. There's a deeper layer to the character beyond simply being a decent man. In the comics and other stories, Superman has often struggled with feelings of alienation and loneliness - it's what makes him a fascinating character for me. Fundamentally, Superman stories are about Superman finding acceptance despite being "different", and this show adapts that aspect very well, with Lois and Jimmy letting Clark know that they accept Clark for who he is. This moment also reinforces Clark's optimism and faith in humanity as the episode ends with Clark asserting that he will continue to try to make the world a better place.

We're given a few more hints as to the identities of the antagonists from the previous episodes, though it's not much. For now it seems that the antagonists will challenge Clark's faith in humanity since they seem to have a "needs of the many" mindset that drives their actions.

So that's episode 6. It's a strange episode as the premise is more than a little outlandish, but there's still a lot to like about it, and the character work continues to be solid.

[aebi12]

Sinful Desires - chapter 6 

At some point in her wiling Alyssa falls asleep.

When she wakes up, her eyes burn and the moonlight shines pale through her window. She has lost track of time, it might just be dusk or it might be the darkest point of the night. She does not know and does not feel like leaving her room and finding out. She neither wishes nor dares to face Rhaenyra. To listen to her claims once again.

Alyssa very much doubts that her mother will openly announce the real reason for her anger towards her, she knows that the best thing in her situation is that what happened between her and Aemond remain a secret, but she also knows that Rhaenyra will be unable to entirely pretend that the relationship with her daughter is still the same as before. Alyssa can easily imagine the cold indifference her mother is going to subject her to from now on. And she does not feel ready to deal with it yet. So, she stays in her room.

Once again, she loses track of time. Her mind is as divided as her heart. A part of her relives the shared moments of that night in her room in King's Landing, Aemond's arms encircling her waist, his warm kisses on her skin, the stolen sighs between caresses. The illusion of living in a perfect bubble where only the two of them existed. No problems, no consequences.

Bliss is the word that comes to her mind when she thinks about how much has happened in so little time. The things the two of them have confessed to, what they didn't say but it was more than clear because his touches were enough to show her that whatever existed between them was mutual.

Only now those memories are also tainted by a feeling she did not expect to experience. Guilt. And not the guilt she knows she should feel for losing her virginity to a man she was not betrothed to, but guilt for hurting and disappointing her mother. Her mother, whom she adored and wanted to always please in every single matter. Her mother who had stayed with her watching over her dreams when she used to get sick as a child. Her mother who had felt betrayed by her actions.

Alyssa marvels as tears roll down her cheeks again. One might think that she has no more to spill, but apparently, that is not the case.

The door to her room is thrown open and Lucerys leans in, tray in hand and a hesitant smile on his face.

“I thought you might be hungry,” he says as he closes the door and walks over to his sister's bed.

She offers him a smile and quickly wipes her cheeks, "Thanks Luke." Her voice sounds strangely hoarse so she clears her throat, "How did the training go?"

He shrugs, “Same as every day. It does not matter, are you going to tell me what is going on? Mother excused your absence at dinner saying you were not feeling well but I know there is something else going on.” Alyssa wants to say something, but he cuts her off, “Mother looks sad. And angry. I know you two had a fight, although I do not know exactly why."

Luke looks at her expectantly, concern painted on his face. Alyssa bites her lip and looks down trying to compose her expression before facing her brother. She knows that eventually she is going to have to say something, somehow explain what is going on.

"Mother is going to find me a husband" she ends up saying, which is not a lie at all

Her brother looks at her blankly, "You mean a suitor"

Alyssa shakes her head, "She is going to marry me as soon as possible."

Luke frowns and also shakes his head, “That does not make sense. You are just a girl"

His remark manages to make her smile, albeit a joyless smile, “We are the same age and you are already betrothed. Also, our whole lives we have always done everything together, I guess mother believes this is the right time to decide my future” her voice breaks towards the end

"But it is different. I am going to marry Rhaena, and she is… well, she is Rhaena,” he shrugs.

She understands what Luke is failing to communicate. Her cousin has lived with them for several years now, they have grown up together, there is complicity between them, even affection. The relationship between her brother and her cousin has all the foundations to be a happy union.

The realization that her story is going to be the exact opposite hits her suddenly. Yes, she knew that she would end up marrying someone strange, but she had never really stopped to consider that she would be cut off from her family, that she would have to live somewhere else, apart from Jace and Luke and Joffrey. That it would be years, perhaps, until they could meet once more. Her heart breaks again when she understands all this.

"I know it is my duty, but I do not want to get married yet," she confesses in a whisper.

“It is completely unfair,” Luke retorts harshly, pushing the tray aside so he can take his sister's hands, “I will talk to mother. She cannot just marry you to whoever she pleases. She cannot take you away from me"

Alyssa wraps her arms around her brother's neck and snuggles into his chest. Luke hugs her, comforting her as the sobs start again. He goes on to say that her mother will have to put her plans on hold, that she will surely come to her senses and consent to Alyssa having a long engagement with some young lord. Alyssa knows that won't be the case, but she does not have the heart to contradict her brother.

She knows it is wrong to hide the truth from him. She and Luke have always been honest with each other, but Alyssa does not know how her brother would take learning that she and Aemond had shared the night together. She likes to think that Luke would understand the reasons that led her to do what she did  -although she is not foolish enough to imagine that he would not recriminate her for her choosing of lover- but then she had also thought that her mother would not judge so harshly. So, she prefers not to take the risk. It does not matter anyway. It is not as if her fate and Aemond's will meet again.

"You should eat," he says suddenly.

Alyssa breaks the hug and takes one of the muffins her brother brought, nibbling a few times, but finding no taste at all. She eventually puts the food aside and goes back to lie on her bed.

Luke removes the tray, leaving it on the table and then lying down next to her. Alyssa returns to the comfort of her twin's arms and he strokes her hair.

“I was thinking,” he begins, “that perhaps you could marry some vassal lord of House Velaryon. I know it is not ideal, but any of those castles are close enough for me to visit you on a daily basis. Arrax would have no problem flying those distances. Besides, at some point I will be the Lord of the Tides, that way I would make sure that you are protected and happy”

Alyssa lifts her face to his and smiles at him. She does not dare, however, to get her hopes up before the idyllic image that her brother conjures up, "I think that would be a great idea"

"I'm sure I can convince Mother” Luke smiles with the confidence that being Rhaenyra's favorite generates in him.

Alyssa nods and adds, "I have a question, though, what makes you think I'll want to see you every day once I'm married?"

Lucerys lets out a snort and goes into a tickle fit. He hasn't done that in years, so he catches her off guard, but Alyssa is quick to react. Soon they are both sore from laughter like when they were children.

The thought that soon her life will have no more moments like this invades her once more, but she forces herself not to think about it and she hugs her brother again. "Thank you, Luke," she says softly, "Will you stay with me tonight?"

He doesn't answer but covers them both with the blanket and it isn't long before she falls asleep again.

***

"I do not understand why mother is so upset"

"Apparently our sister did not react well to the news of her engagement"

"I still think it's too soon"

Whispers are the first thing she hears when she wakes up. Alyssa opens her eyes and is taken aback when she hears the voices of her older brothers in her room. It takes her a minute to remember everything that had happened the previous evening.

“Jace? Luke?”

Alyssa sits on her bed and looks at her brothers.

"You are awake," Jace smiles at her, "feeling better?"

She shrugs and stands up. Her eyes feel heavy from all the crying and her skin feels feverish, "I just need a bath."

"Sure, of course, I'll send one of your maids."

Jace leaves her room and Luke walks over to her, "I will talk to Mother before breakfast."

Alyssa does not answer, she just nods and watches him go. A maid enters a few minutes later to prepare her bath and she is tempted to stay there for hours, sheltered in the hot water of her tub, but she knows she cannot do that. She will eventually have to face Rhaenyra.

You are the blood of the dragon, she thinks to herself as she dries her body, not a frightened girl.

Her own actions had led to this moment. It was time to face the consequences and she would do it with her head held high.

***

When Alyssa arrives at the table the entire family is already there.

"Good morning, mother" she greets. If this were any other morning, Alyssa would kiss Rhaenyra on the cheek, but this time she just takes her usual place next to her twin, "Daemon," she greets with a nod in her stepfather's direction.

Her mother takes time to respond to her greeting, her expression clearly denotes the anger she feels towards her daughter, "Alyssa" she simply answers before continuing to eat. Daemon does not bother to say anything, just watches her with a half amused and half calculating look that manages to make her feel uncomfortable.

Everyone is aware of the tension that prevails at that moment, even little Joffrey, who divides his gaze between his mother and sister. Alyssa takes the boy's hand in hers under the table and smiles at him before focusing on her plate.

Breakfast passes in awkward silence until her older brothers finish eating.

"Are you ready? I want to train with the bow and arrow today” says Jace.

“Yes, give me a minute and…”

"There will be no training for you today and no training from now on" Rhaenyra interrupts her in a hard voice.

Luke looks at her surprised, "But Lyssa always trains with us."

“That ends today. A princess does not have to worry about fighting. It won't be useful to her when she gets married, our battlefield is a different one" Rhaenyra points out while she caresses her belly and turns her gaze towards her daughter. "From now on you will resume your classes with your septa and you will start working on the embroidery of your bridal goods."

"Surely it is too soon for my sister to have to worry about that." Jace comes to her defense.

"I am the one who will decide that. Now go, Sir Steffon must already be waiting for you"

Her brothers seem to want to protest, but Daemon clears his throat and fixes his gaze on them.

"Come on, it is a nice day for a walk on the beach," Rhaena interjects, taking Luke by the arm, "Joffrey, come on, it will be good for you to play on the shore."

Baela and Rhaena take their siblings away, and the place falls silent again. Even the servants seem to have left them alone.

"Are you also going to deprive me of the little freedom I enjoyed?"

“I think it would be fair to say that you had too much freedom. I was permissive with you and look where it got us."

"So is this how things will be between us from now on?" Alyssa asks, trying to keep her voice steady, even though inside her, her throat seems to be knotted up.

"Did you expect it to be any other way?" Rhaenyra ask

“I was hoping my mother would be more understanding, yes,” she nods. "Yesterday you said yourself that you were an impulsive girl at my age, our situations are similar so I hoped you would not judge me so severely."

Daemon chuckles before speaking, "Your mother was not so stupid as to sleep with the enemy."

His comment starts the fire inside her. Her look gives off all the antipathy that her stepfather generates in her, “You should not be participating in this conversation. This is between me and my mother."

"Alyssa" Rhaenyra warns

"And you should be thankful that I was the one to get the news of your mistake," Daemon replies, "You'd be ruined if the information got into other people's hands."

“How convenient for me that you were the one to find out what happened!” she replies sardonically, "I suppose I should be glad to have a sinister man who watches over his own family as a stepfather. A man who years later still maintains the friendships he made with the whores of Flea Bottom that he used to visited daily."

A slap bends her face. The blow surprises her and it takes Alyssa a few seconds to register the fact that it was not her stepfather who hurt her but her mother.

Rhaenyra's violet eyes seem to be filled with madness as she gazes at her daughter. She had never laid a finger on any of her children. But a couple of harsh words about Daemon's character were enough to transform her into the jealous and impulsive being that emerges every time her husband's fidelity is questioned.

Alyssa meets her gaze, disappointment and disbelief visible on her face. Her body begins to tremble with rage as the pain experienced in the last few hours, the insults, and the injustice of her imminent future condense inside of her.

"Go back to your room, your mother needs peace and quiet" Daemon intervenes

Alyssa does not move. Her eyes remain locked on Rhaenyra and the woman's anger seems to break under the weight of her gaze because she reaches out to touch her face and takes a conciliatory step towards her.

But Alyssa backs off and won't let her mother touch her. The humiliation she's just been subjected to from Rhaenyra burns hard inside her.

"I uh... we'll talk about this later" the woman ends up saying after hesitating for a few seconds, "Go to your room"

But it is Rhaenyra who holds Daemon's arm and disappears down the corridor, leaving Alyssa alone and feeling, for the first time since she set foot on Dragonstone, that this place is no longer her home.

~~~

Vhagar roars menacingly when Sunfyre accidentally hits her with his tail.

"That old hag is as grumpy as you are today," Aegon says as he strokes the golden scales on his dragon's neck soothingly.

"No one asked you to come after me," Aemond snarls.

"I was just feeling curious," his brother shrugs and continues cuddling Sunfyre. The dragon seems delighted at the attentions of his rider, "Besides, it is you who invaded my favorite place."

That was true. The kingswood were his brother's favorite flight route. Aemond used to take Vhagar to the rocky steps of Blackwater Bay, knowing how much his dragon liked to be near the sea.

“You should stay in the Red Keep. Helaena could have the babe at any time."

His brother makes a face, "There is still a little while, isn't it?"

"The twins arrived early," Aemond points out as he draws his dagger and fiddles with it, "It could happen again."

Aegon shudders at the possibility, "I hope it is just one this time."

Aemond clicks his tongue and turns to his older brother, "One babe or two, it is your duty as a father to accompany your wife at such times."

“Duty, there is again that word you love so much” Aegon waved his hand dismissively, “We both know Helaena would not choose to have me present at that moment. The last time she wanted mother by her side. And you"

There is no bitterness or anger in his brother's voice, Aemond knows that this is not an accusation but simply a fact. He and Helaena have been close since they were children, their bond deepening after he lost his eye. Her compassionate sister was, along with her mother, an anchor he clung to during the months of pain, anger, and shame that followed the Driftmark episode.

“Jaehaerys and Jaehaera require your attention as well. They will not be little children forever, soon they will begin to notice that their father is avoiding them. Do you intend to follow the king’s example regarding to us?”

His words seem to affect him because his face pales and he stops stroking his dragon. A couple of times Aegon seems ready to say something but in the end, he just gives him a half smile and pulls the flask from his belt, “And this is my cue to leave you alone so you can keep moping around for whatever reason” replies before taking a few profuse drinks

"On the way to lose consciousness again?"

"You should do the same. You need it. You have been in an unbearable mood ever since our beloved sister left King's Landing."

Aemond does not answer, just glares at him as Aegon mounts his dragon and flies away. How he has managed to go so long without falling off his saddle considering how drunk he is sometimes, escapes from him. Although Aemond suspects that Sunfyre flies carefully when he feels that his brother is too intoxicated.

Sunfyre becomes a blur in the sky and Aemond approaches Vhagar. His relationship with his dragon is not as close as his brother's. He sometimes wonders if it is because Aegon and Sunfyre began their bond at the same time as their life while Vhagar had had different riders throughout hers.

"Or maybe you are just a grumpy old lady," he comments as he looks into the green eyes of his dragon.

Vhagar snorts and Aemond smiles as he walks once more to the edge of the hill. The kingswood stretches out before him, though it is eerily quiet, perhaps because the animals sense the threatening presence of the dragon.

Aemond appreciates the silence. After all, his intention when flying to that place had been to have the peace of mind that, as his brother had well noted, had eluded him since Alyssa had left the capital.

It had been tremendously difficult having to part with her that morning. Her lovely lady slept peacefully hugging his body, her wild curly hair covering part of her face and torso. Aemond had wanted to wake her and say a few parting words to her, but in the end, he had given up on the idea. He had been content to place a soft kiss on the top of her head and breathe in her fresh scent of vanilla and jasmine.

Part of him had been tempted to throw precautions aside and continue to sleep by her side until late in the morning when they would inevitably be found by some nosy maid or a family member, but thankfully he had restrained. That would have brought unnecessary embarrassment on her and a stain on her honor because, even if he had married her happily at that moment, he knew Alyssa was right when saying that their families would not accept their union.

It hadn't crossed his mind to dishonor her by asking her to run away with him, either. What future could await them crossing the Narrow Sea? Surely, one that did not fit the rank of both of them. Alyssa was a princess, and the mere thought of condemning her to a life on the run with no certainty or safety in strange and wild lands repelled him.

So, he had let her go. Because it was not a complete farewell. It was just a short separation that he intended to remedy once his brother was named king. Aemond knew that his grandfather and members of the council had a plan in motion to make Aegon king once his father died. He also knew of no one less deserving of the title and privilege than his older brother, but it was his birthright. The first male child should hold the crown and could not be relegated by a whim of his father.

Besides, the lords of Westeros would not support his sister’s claim. Rhaenyra was a woman unable to fight her own battles who lived sheltering behind the figure of her father and her manipulations. The throne would be better off in capable hands like the current council, who would surely keep an eye on Aegon. Aemond would make sure it would happen that way. He would fight for his brother's right and for his family. And he would ask for only one thing in return, Alyssa Velaryon.

"My bitch sister can betrothal Alyssa to any lord she likes," he whispered into the void, "But once my brother seizes power, Alyssa will return to me."

***

The Red Keep is unusually quiet that morning.

The few servants who walk the corridors seem scared as they pace with their eyes towards the ground, as if they wanted to go unnoticed. It does not take a genius to know that something serious has happened, so Aemond goes looking for his mother. He is not surprised to find her in Helaena's rooms as it is her custom to visit her grandchildren in the morning.

What does surprise him is the look of dismay and concern on Alicent's beautiful face. It does not take him long to conclude that the reason for his mother's uneasy state has to be something related with his father. She seems to realize what he asks without speaking and confirms the news with her nodding.

Viserys is dead.

A part of him knows that he should be upset by this fact, but all Aemond feels is relief. The living corpse that his father had become in recent years is finally gone and his mother is now free from having to spend her best hours caring for him. Aemond knows that it was her duty as wife to attend Viserys, but that did not stop him from brimming with rage at the thought of how considerate and careful of his father Alicent had constantly been. Attentions that he had never valued or rewarded properly. His mother had always been too good for Viserys Targaryen.

"Is Aegon king or shall I kneel before the old whore?"*

His question causes his mother to wince and flinch.

"We cannot find your brother"

Aemond follows Alicent to her rooms and sits by the fireplace, listening to her. Her mother still hopes to find a diplomatic solution to the matter of succession between Rhaenyra and Aegon, determined to avoid any fight and subsequent bloodshed. Aemond does not contradict her, though he knows that conflict is inevitable. What does strike him as strange is Alicent's renewed determination to want Aegon on the throne.

"I thought you had accepted Rhaenyra as the heir," Aemond comments, remembering his mother's words during dinner

"That was before your father confessed to me his desire to see your brother on the throne," she replies, explaining to her son the last will supposedly transmitted by Viserys.

Aemond believes in her mother. Or maybe he just wants to believe her. It does not matter, because in the end he will do everything possible to fulfill Alicent's wish to see her son on the throne.

Criston Cole enters the room and informs Alicent that they still have not found Aegon and that his grandfather has sent the Cargyll twins to search the city for him. Alicent looks desperate. She and Otto Hightower are playing their own game, both wanting to exert their influence over his rascal brother, trying to take advantage of his mailable nature into acting in ways that suit their agendas.

Even so, he offers to accompany Criston Cole dressed as a simple peasant. The matter repudiates him and not because he feels disgusted to mix with the common folks, he understands that a prince must know his people, but because of the need to resort to such unworthy tricks just to go unnoticed and catch Aegon without attracting the attention of the guards sent by his grandfather.

Aemond guides Cole to Aegon's favorite brothel as a teenager. The memories that invade his mind are not pleasant. The one time he had accepted his brother's offer to accompany him to the Street of Silk had had a great impact on him, yes, but not for the reasons Aegon would have imagined. Aemond had been sickened by the whole business of having to pay a whore to lose his virginity.

He had ended up doing it, though. His manhood had been questioned many times at his then-short thirteen years, first due to his lack of a dragon -there were those who said he was not Targaryen enough to have one- then due to losing his eye in a fight with children younger than him and ultimately for how difficult it was for his young self to find balance with the sword with only one good eye.

And then there was the matter of the scar and patch. The noble ladies were not at all subtle in regarding him with pity and loathing at his scarred face. He had listened to the comments of men and women of the court saying that his once handsome face had been disfigured and that surely no lady would want to marry him no matter how regal he was.

As much as Aemond hated to admit it, it had all taken its toll on him. So, he had agreed to receive the attentions of the prostitute that night. Of course, his hormonal adolescent body hadn't had a problem reacting to the woman's expert caresses, but his mind had been far away from that place as he'd let her control the situation. When it was all over, Aemond had left without looking back. He had never felt any desire to return to that place, and if he did now, it was only out of consideration for his mother.

“How you've grown” the woman says, causing him to look down, ashamed of his memories. He did not desire her then and he does not desire her now. At the end his insight was proving useless because the woman has no idea where his brother was.

Aemond follows Cole through the narrow streets of King's Landing, his frustration growing by the minute. He does not usually share his thoughts that openly, but after almost two hours of fruitless searching he ends up almost confessing to Criston his desire to be king.

Or maybe desire is not the most appropriate feeling. Maybe Aemond just resents his brother because he never takes his responsibilities seriously and yet everything is handed to him on a silver platter, while he constantly has to fight to get what he wants. Whatever it is, the feeling is strong enough to cloud his judgment for a few seconds when, after Aegon's pitiful attempt to escape once he is located, his brother pleads Aemond to let him go so he can live happily across the sea.

Aemond considers fulfilling his brother's whim, but luckily Criston Cole comes to them and reminds him that Alicent is waiting for him.

The mere mention of his mother is enough to make him see reason and come to his senses. Aemond abandons any short-lived hope of reign and escorts his useless brother back to the Red Keep.

***

Aemond thinks he catches the glimpse of tears beginning to form in his brother's eyes as he makes his way past the guards to reach the bottom of the stairs inside the Dragonpit platform.

The crowd is silent as they watch the regal figure of his brother, dressed entirely in black and gold, be anointed king and wear the Conqueror's crown. Helaena tilts her face towards him and Aemond takes her hand in a placating gesture. His sister knows as well as he does that Aegon does not deserve the honor, but it is still their duty to accompany and support their family.

His mother smiles as she kisses his brother's forehead and then Aegon face each member of the royal family, receiving a courtesy from every one of them. Aegon's expression is one of wonder that begins to turn to delight as he seems to be aware of the power he now wields.

Aegon turns to face the people of King's Landing, who shout and clap his name, seemingly content to have a new king to protect them and guide their pathetic lives.

Everything seems to go easily. Until it is no longer the case.

Rhaenys Targaryen emerges with her dragon from the deepest levels of the pit and instantly despair reigns among the people. The screams are not joy but terror, dust fills the room and people fight to get out as the dragon approaches Aemond and his family.

Alicent automatically places in front of Aegon and he in front of Helaena. Both willing to fight, although they know that there is not much they can do against a dragon.

In the end it does not matter because the queen who never was does not seek to kill his brother. She just wants to show her power and make it clear that she supports the cause of the black slut. Rhaenys Targaryen makes the dragon roar at them, then leaves the pit.

But the damage is done.

Aegon has lost his moment of popularity in front of his people.

Or rather, they took it away. Just as they took his eye from him.

Because that is what the blacks do, take what does not belong to them.

And they were going to pay for it.

______________________________________________________

I'm still a bit feeverish while posting this so hopefully it was ok cos it took me long to be decently happy with how it ended up. Alyssa's bit specially (Aemond is so easy to write for me!) I first intended to be a long long chapter ending in Storm's End events, but then I felt like this was the best moment to stop. Also it feels like nothing really happens in this chapter but I think it is important to state Alyssa's and Aemond's mind during this part of the story.

Do let me know what you think yeah?

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

I do :D A younger sister and a younger brother!

Me and my sister are the same flavor of Perpetually Strange. We get each other. However we have very different tastes when it comes to media lol. She freaking loves Shrek and SpongeBob, both of which I dislike 😭

My brother is always hyper ‘n talkative, both of which I’m not 😅 We’re definitely not as similar as me and my sister! But we do both like going to co-op :)

what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?

OOOOOH GOOD ONE

Hmm… I was very very happy. I was also quite clueless 😅 I didn’t really understand or know how to socialize, and looking back, I cringe on a lot of interactions I had with people. I wasn’t ever purposely mean or anything, I just didn’t know how to interact with people. I didn’t get it.

Heck, I feel like I only “got it” just a couple years ago :/ And even now I’m still incredibly awkward!

OH OH OH I loved playing with boys my age :D I would run around and freaking wrestle?? With them??? Apparently I surprised at least one mother, because I was like… rolling around in the grass laughing my head off while me and her son play-fought with each other, and she said to my mom, “wow! I’ve never seen a girl play like that before!”

So alsgajsgajsgajs XD

I ate food alllll the time but forever remained skinny as a stick lol (my catchphrase was essentially “I’m hungry” LITERALLY THE HUNGER NEVER LEFT I WAS ALWAYS IN NEED OF FOOD IT NEVER ENDED)

In ways I’ve changed, I think I’m more aware of myself when I interact with others, and I’m not nearly as willing to wrestle with anyone XD And thankfully the hunger has Mostly Left so I can actually get full lol (like right now! Just ate dinner and I am all filled up and content :)

what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

Ooooh!!

Well, when I’m happy, I am very much unable to stop smiling XD I pretty much just smile constantly and oh boy, does it hurt my face. Worth it though :D

When I’m excited, I make lots of Noises (squeals) and I’ll flap/shake my hands around!

If I’m angry, I’ll be very quiet, with a blank face. I won’t say hardly anything at all until I feel not-angry.

If I’m sad, I’ll need to be by myself, and sit in the silence and think and let myself be sad.

If I’m annoyed, I get very irritable and snappy lol, and every little thing sets my nerves on Fire and I’ll be very short with whoever I’m around (luckily this doesn’t happen much).

If I’m tired, I’ll stop paying attention to what people are saying, my eyelids will droop, and I’ll lean my head against whatever’s around (usually the window in a car, or a table).

what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

I like this question :D

I wanna own an apartment. I don’t know if this really counts as mundane but asdfghj

But yeah, this past year or so I’ve thought a lot about how I want to move into an apartment someday, instead of a house :D And have it all to myself! It’d be mine and I’d get to make it my own and live there and listen to music over speakers and sit out on the fire escape when it turned to nighttime and scatter blankets throughout every room and cook frozen pizzas in the oven and pray aloud to myself and it’d be mine, and that’d be a little scary, but also good. I really want to live in an apartment someday.

[havethetouch]

Life Update

Dere! I am still around guess what :) I just took a bit of a longer break again from the web and stuff because honestly stuff got a bit much and there was so much other stuff that needed my attention and time. Not looking forward to clear my inboxes across all my accounts again but eh, it is what it is. Prolly gonna filter out the important stuff and reply to what I need to and just delete the rest for a clean start.

But hey, all that stuff that kept me busy and mostly offline was the good stuff. I had my mother over at my place almost every weekend for a month now to help me out with some of that stuff and it really imporved so much about my situation and my livin space and a lot of other stuff across the board like literally anytime my mother came over I would be weeping at the end of the day in joy and relief. So yah, lotsa improvements going on that would've taken me a lot longer by myself. Love my mom.

There was a bit of an issue with the water supply, it got tainted and I got a little sick from that but thankfully I am young and my immune system is a beast so I was a lot less affected from that than other members in the community. Still sucked though. For a couple of days I was hauling water rations around to the elderly folks in my neighbourhood who were unable to get it on their own. It was a whole thing. It also lead me into the house of my vis a vis neighbour who sometimes talks down from her balcony with me and used to talk a lot to my grandmother and my father as well when they were still around. Let me tell you this woman is a master crocheter - everything in her flat is basically crochet. Wall decorations, seat covers, couch throws, pillows, there was a computer chair decked out in crochet sleeves... lotsa nicknacks hell, every flower in all the vases I could see were crocheted. I was surprised to find items that were not decked out or complety made oud of thread tbh. That visit was like.. a revelation bc ages ago, maybe two or three years ago, there was this image going around of a rainbow hue shift blanket with a pattern included to crochet that yourself. And i was like... man, wish I could remember how to crochet I would love to do this. Which also lead to me two or so weeks ago walking up to my aunt and asking her if she by chance has knitting needles and wool and if she could teach me knitting. Long story short I can knit now I have a huge bulky scarf in the works and because I wanted some fexibility on what I work on I started a second project last Monday (I can either hyperfixate start to finish or I need at least two wips in any given craft so I can switch back an forth) and now I have a triangle shawl that I just finished this morning. Very lovely. I also bought a shitton of wool which raised some eyebrows with my aunt and both my mom because they assumed I would not somehow get really really into it? Well. Jokes on them. I am already planning arm and legwarmers, maybe a sweater. Lotsa shawls. It is very realxing for me and my hands really could do with a new craft that forces me to not grip stuff too hard and get into more fluid and flowy movements while creating. I am also really fast at this stuff apparently according my fam so like... yay knitting :) Which is also a reason why my absence from the web got extended. New hyperfixation on new hobby unlocket it is getting colder outside and I get urges to make myself warm comfy shit. I also have some sensory issues with some fabrics so being able to make my own shit is hella nice especially since I found the softest whatever bulky thread that feels like those soft cheaps synthetic fluffy blankets and I love that shit and that is the material of the scarf I am working on and that is also what imma make the arms and legwarmers out of and yeah idk if you can tell how excited this stuff makes me because it does and I am already thinking about if and where to get a huge loom from maybe next year because I did weaving once as teenager and mhhhhhh I kinda wanna do something. (The knitting stuff also basically started with I want a thing imma make it myself how I want it.)

So.. yeah. Ah and in between I was also in Venice in September I can't remember if I mentioned that but I had a short trip up there and it was a blast and very inspiring. All in all life's been going up n up and as the seasons shift again I feel at ease and peaceful with everything going on. I also finally got my old landlord to fork over the security deposit so that's another loose end tied neatly and I do not have to go to his workplace to have a talk after all :) I still have a couple of things to do before winter hits because this will be my first winter out here (remember I moved in around March this year so it was still cold but it was more the tailend of winter in my area so yah that will be interesting. But I got my self made teas, I bought all I need to operate my fireplace and heat the house already in Summer and oh. I am finally financially stable again. Like fully stable. And bruh that is... a huge weight off my back (and also the reason why I was able to buy lotsa wool lets be real.) But yeah.. yeah only good stuff around on my end. All is well. And I feel great.

[squeiky]

Love it (sarcasm) when nightmares make an entire set up and lore and characters just to fucking spook me.

Y’all having dreams about being chased and unable to move- while I have dreams of being chased AND being able to move. It is not fun!!! I am a mouses fucking labyrinth!!

I was in this game based off of little nightmares (apparently) and I knew there was this kid (similar to the two boys in over the hill) where one was short and the other tall- and they were sooo determined to get away and be “free” from this prison that all the other children where. So they had this whole battle in trying to steal away the keys, dodging blue berries (like in that little nightmares kitchen scene) and doing platforming (because this is videogame esc)

And then out of nowhere!!! I end up becoming this golden child girlie (based off of I think Emily or Cassidy from fnaf? But she’s got the personality of a little scared yet polite girl and looks similar to that princess in the fnaf sb arcade ish game) then there’s this ice queen, (she reminds me of the fake mother from Coraline the movie) and she’s talking and playing with absent minded or flat out scared to disobey children group (that hadn’t left in rebellion) and she’s all like

“Your going to die, your going to be stuck here, and you (points to the golden girl) are going to GIVE ME THE KEY.”

And that wasn’t a command. It was a future prediction. And I KNEW she was right which scared me because it was fate shit. I knew for a fact, hearing her say that- that she would gain the “key”. (Again, just like in Coraline this key apparently would give her freedom from this nightmarish domain and she could do.. idk whatever she was going to do.)

Then, st some point golden girl starts walking off and gets further and further into the dark untill she found a giant dark door with a keyhole. She opens it, goes inside and carefully tries to lock the door again.

Then idk checks her game specs (this is first person now! This is still a videogame dream.)

Then I look out and see vibrant blue blueberries illuminating in what feels like an almost pitch black cave (this is a maze) and then suddenly there’s knocking on the door-then banging.

And I start to run towards the blueberries- and it gives me a infographic on the side of first person view telling me to “eat/collect” the blueberries.

Apparently I need to collect all the big blue blueberries a (they are the size of the kid itself) turns out, the banging was coming from this ice monster that was all spindly and has like needles for feet and legs and had bits of vibrant glowing blue so you could see where it was in the dark.

It was so fast and I barely could survive. I ended up dashing around randomly trying to loose the creature but it wouldn’t loose. I didn’t even know where I was going untill I found myself outside of a this dark grey castle, only to see the rest of the grey sky. I couldn’t stop there though. I collect blueberries (it doesn’t take long to collect. You have to stay still for a single second and wait until the little circle thing completes.. but it’s very quick but slow enough to scare you due to the creatures speed.)

And like the only thing that saved me from the creature was “turning off the game” via my little tablet I had. Like I randomly she had to swipe out of the game tab- in my tablet in order to respawn and stop everything.

I woke up after opening it up again and getting to scared to play again (because the monster didn’t respawn it just relocated underneath part of the castle and I was easy to spot and out in the open so I knew it would chase me again.

I swear to god there is just so much stuff- like Freddy fazbear was here at one point), soley because I thought of Freddy fazbear and him being all nice and stuff only to go bezerk because of afton and I was just watching him violently trying to kill me through the prison like bars- as well as a scene of him breaking down a door and jump scaring me. But also he’s all like “I don’t in own what I did that sorry 🥺” at the end of it all.

Then earlier on in the dream apparently i was ins chill again- and it’s hard to explain because I can barely remember it- but apperently at some point in the dream I was “shadow the hedgehog” and my friend was this red and black cat similar to the one I screenshot end once off of deviant art.

Though we constantly swapped between being sonic characters and being their human equivalent counterparts. My counterpart was.. not very pretty lol. Apparently “human counterpart” meant like teenage kid who wears a grey sweater to hide the fact that I am indeed, a fuzzy guy all over my very human body. So much little hairs. It was weird. I showed my friend by revealing the truth underneath my sweater (in which the also had worn something, but it was a nice black furry coat that was a little big for them.

I think after that something about the principal came up on the speakers about the vice principal and the principal not being able to attend or not come into school frequently anymore

And I was like “ah long covid/covid” and then suddenly the very sick principal enters the room and starts looking for “shadow the hedgehog” (this is the point where we turn into our sonic character counterparts. Almost everybody around us turns into one too. I think there was a polar bear there) and she starts like lining people up and out of the lunch table seats (lunch room in the size of a classroom. I thought it was a classroom cause there was a teacher but my mind is classifying it as “lunch room” right now.)

And is like “which one of you is shadow the hedgehog?” And I’m just staring at my friend (who is now the black and red cat) and I’m sweating balls. I don’t know what this woman wants with me- and I’m wearing this white mask on so she can’t truly identify me that well.

She looks to my red and black friend and just.. decides she’s me??? And then he just.. goes along with it????????? And once they return I’m all like “thank youuuuuuu soooo much!!!”

I guess I was scared of the principal doing something weird to me (like my principal- from what I can remember was a very strange who tries to be strict but everybody fucks with her. she’s more like an angry woman who wants to be authoritarian. Idk I think she was going to take me somewhere or something- possible to the office? Though at the time I didn’t know so the idea she needed me scared me enough.)

Anyways that dream ended quick in order to make way for my second dream, which I already wrote above.

I don’t remember much of my school dream other than flat white blocks to make up fences and white walls, and apparently that’s how the school looked like. It was like some modern day art or a labyrinth of white blocks and white walls. The only color came in forms of gray.

[this is the end. Here’s a disclaimer: this is a dream. I’m not writing out a story idea or your characters. If anything sound familiar to you- then it’s your brain making connections. Nothing to do with any intent on my part. Remember the words: “THIS IS A DREAM”. I’m just writing down what I recall from it. ]

[milamoaria]

Dear United C71, Currently, I am a medically retired Registered Nurse, An ordained minister, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, sister, aunt, niece, friend.  I grew up in a hard working blue collar family in rural Tennessee.  Poverty, no matter the setting causes trauma.  Our household included some pretty painful physical and mental aspects BUT it was also filled with laughter, hope, dreams, creative solutions, and all of our basic needs were met.  I grew up in a town where racial tensions and scarcity of resources created so much stress for an already head down struggle situation.    I was unable to go to school after the age of 14 or 15.  The day I turned 18 I went to take my GED.  I finished it fairly quickly and turned it in.  I saw the smirk on the gentleman’s face proctoring it and my heart sank.  I walked to the locker  and by the time I had myself together to go tell the boyfriend waiting for me outside  I had failed, I heard a voice behind me say “wait”.  I turned to see the gentleman with an incredibly red face and a look that I later learned was shame in his eyes and said” How did you only miss 2 questions?”.  My sped up brain simply had me smile humbly and make it to the hall.  This was a pivotal moment in my life.  In that hall, I was humiliated, so very angry, and resigned.  People will always underestimate me because I have the title “nervous” or “jumpy” and my clothes were what I could obtain.  My beautifully shattered brain came up with the ultimate get back.  I would take being underestimated all day every day from henceforth and put my head down and get it done.  It also gave me a lifelong passion to assist and serve those who, like me are afraid or hurting or both.  I had an immediate rock solid belief that there is something encoded in society to find someone worse off than you and keep them in their place.   I saw METAs and still do.  I am not the forest for the trees type, I am more why do I even have to look at it type.  In my early 20s, I went to Union University Memphis campus and took an ACT.  I made a 29.  I was pisssssssssssssssed because the 19 on the math portion had tanked my score.  I blamed societal engineering later in life, I blamed everyone everywhere at that moment.  I also was terrified to tell my husband who was an instructor at that school that I had scored higher than him.  He was 23 and had a Masters Degree in Pure Mathematics.  Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.  Apparently, I lean into and intend to improve my self identified weaknesses by any means necessary.  I finished 3rd in my graduating class.  I scored in the 96th percentile  of the psych NCLEX and watched two women who were teaching nurses to care for those with mental illness,  who almost failed me out at the very end of my stint for a Nursing Diploma because I self disclosed mental diagnosis up front.... You know what, they looked pretty much like the gentleman who’s face I described earlier.  Trust and believe every time I have seen that look throughout my life, I am judging you while also feeling sad for you.  I sincerely hope that those two instructors were notified at the six month post graduation  follow up that Mila was currently working as the Acting Director of Nursing of a facility.  Rules, Regulations, laws those things are easy for me.  Here is the line do not cross it and here is how to appear that you did not.  Our legal system is not about Justice.  It is a set of very clear rules that through any weakness or slight violation of by any parties involved in alleged misconduct  could completely negate whatever the situation is.  Does a jury of your “peers” mean the same thing as when that phrasing was birthed?  I digress.  During my nursing career, I had the opportunity to be a burn trauma nurse at the only hospital equipped for that level of care in a tri state area.  I was indeed an acting director of nursing for quite some timeI discovered agency nursing woooooweeeeee.  As an agency nurse, I frequently was the charge nurse of an emergency room room….Methodist South….I am looking at you, I worked ortho floors, oncology floors, all types of ICU and step down units.  I worked as a quasi associate of the state of Tennessee during a time that the state was under investigation and the federal government was suing them.  The population I personally oversaw in 7 counties were people like me from generations before me who were other.  They were mentally retarded, suffered mental illness, or were criminally insane.  I saw how much money a state is willing to put out when their 76yr old health commissioner was ordered to confinement at one of the facilities I was assisting in ensuring human rights and dignity were maintained at all times while deinstitutionalizing  into community that population.  From there, I worked as an office nurse for the head of Oncology, Trauma, General, Vascular, and plastic surgery.  These men and women that other health care workers feared respected me and treated me more than kindly.  I did hospice nursing in downtown Chicago during the early 2000s.  I didn’t bother to be scared of going into gang territory.  These guys who are probably in there 50s and 60s believed who I was based on my actions.  They had a clear set of rules.  I followed them to the letter every time.  I followed them so well that when things were really busy both for that particular block and with me as well, I went into the home that held a respected elder member of this community in her 80s and attended to her with words, tone, actions, and giving her the space and security to say what she needed to say to be at peace.  I know I know I can never do just one thing at once.   The nephew of the house….the same one as always actually had his arm entwined in mine and was talking much more than was appropriate.  I was honestly worried that this young man was about to put my patient in more stress by breaking his own groups rules.  Then I looked up.  A completely different group wearing a completely different color were surrounding my van in a circle with their backs around it.  The entire vehicle was not visible below the heads of any of these gentlemen.  I knew there might be a problem but it was not MY problem.  I was not there to ask questions or make assumptions.  The eldest man stepped halfway off the curb and stated to nephew that nurse lady left her purse and keys in her van and they wanted to be sure that nothing was touched.  I knew two things then.  Nephew was going to have to take a L because he was the one in charge of my navigation into and out of the block and it was embarrassing and shameful for him to not have ensured that completely, and that situations are indeed mitigatable depending on approach.  I did the best I could for all involved without getting involved.  I effusively praised the gentleman who had ensured that my transportation and identification had been kept safe with genuine respect.  Then I turned to nephew and stated please tell the family that this is the only house I never have to worry about coming too because Big Momma had the best care of any of my patients and it was evident every visit how strong the family was being during an excruciating time as the matriarch was passing soon.  I got into that van, I looked around and all I saw was respect and ease as nephew went on back to the house.   Even a crazy white lady with multiple mental health diagnosis knew it was time nephew went on inside for the foreseeable future.  I made sure to roll down the window and converse with the entire group while I watched him make it inside safe and kept talking for a few minutes as soon as I heard “fold it up” I knew these gentlemen had been instructed to go back to wherever they came from.  Crack, oddly enough released into the most socio-economic oppressed communities with the least resources and the most people.  Interesting how between this occurrence and the state being sued I saw the META that DRGs and HMOs wove into.  Genocide looks like different things at every slice of any point in history as well as the present.  I digress.  I did everything but mother baby and intraoperative OR.  I did chest compressions on a severely obese individual who had to have an art line ran to even see if any compressions were effective.   I did those chest compressions by jumping up and down with my feet until I saw a wave that could be considered compatible with life and then asked one of the many residents standing around watching in shock to relieve me.  Y’all know who you are.  I gave the very first dose of a cutting edge clot busting I.V. drug at a facility.  Patient was Purple from his nipple line down and very talkative.  I had already asked him where he grew up….cause that is how you begin to assess a person’s character and through which filter you need to interact and his childhood.  The drug finally arrived and with great excitement the patient and I waited for the doctor’s to get there.   They got there and with red faces and respectful eyes asked had I already administered the medication.  I knew their medical liscense were on the line and so much more hung on those as the Medical Director for both the ED and the stroke and cardiac ED were among the doctors present.  I took a deep breath and looked this man that I had gotten to know right in his eye and said you are going to be better so quickly that you are going to beat me out of here before I get to go.  I carefully picked up the box the medication came in and in the guise of silly clumsiness and needing more coffee sped read the instructions on the back and followed them.  Holding hands the patient and I both starting laughing as he began to look like not a corpse in a wave of perfusion.  The doctor’s coughed and walked away quickly.  I did so many kinds of nursing and I will forever be grateful for a profession where people like me can shine.  Hospice was where my heart was because I understood pain and fear and that it looked like different things for different people.  I never took it personally and understood that consistent actions build relationships that trust can flourish in.  I didn’t always do the prudent thing, I may or may not have strictly followed alllll laws and I also didn’t have the pleasure of a 8 hour work day.  There were very few nurses I met in hospice that did.  Those that did not, I judged you and did not trust you to take care of my patients the same.  Throughout my life, I have really not worried about fitting in or standing out.  I am so much more worried about making it through at any given time to this day.  If you are othered, oppressed, set up for failure before birth, I don’t have to have the same beliefs as you, I don’t have to agree with the rules you follow, I do not have to agree with your cultural norms, I do not have to eat the same kind of food you eat or live in the same type of environment to stand beside you and ensure that you are given every luxury the law entails you to without being dissuaded by whatever “norms” are present, societal expectations or what the situation entails.  I will stand beside you and if necessary I can shit talk you through the fade if I have to but we will make it.  I am okay and no matter what you are going to be okay.  That is a phrase I have been able to use to others at desperate moments throughout my life.   Facts are stark.  Facts are absolute.  Those who talk about facts have narratives driven by so many variables that I indeed am not listening to what you are saying, I am already researching and making my mind up for myself.  In my appreciation posts, I am merely telling folks this is what has made me, shaped me, and held me accountable.  I deserved that my basic state and federal civil rights be met.  I deserved not to have flashbacks continuously for past six days.  I deserved not to hurt so very very very badly physically, I deserved to sleep which did not occur until yesterday at three pm  April 4th 2023.  I deserved to feel safe enough to take symptom management medication as needed. My husband deserved to not have to manage and mitigate all of the above with love, respect, loyalty, commitment and courage.  So fuck you especially united express transporters and desk peeps at terminal C 71 United Newark.  You hurt me  in so many more ways that I could describe.  Your staffing problem is a YOU problem.  Your number of wheelchairs available is a YOU problem.  Your decision to not afford me my federally and state protected CIVIL rights is a YOU problem too.  The only ME problem I currently have is continue to tunnel down to the facts and decide what value I place on MY peace.  I am not talking money.  Money doesn’t buy time.  Time is the ONLY true currency we have in this world.   I use mine to understand myself and others and to find some peace and rest.

[dangermousie]

Goodbye, Case File Compendium - it was fun until it wasn’t

If someone told me I’d ever ditch a Meatbun novel - if someone even told me I’d ditch CFC two months ago, I would have thought they had a screw loose.

And yet here we are. Chapter 215 is the last one I read and I do not intend to read any more. I will leave auto-purchase on because I would love to give Meatbun ungodly amounts of money for masterpieces that are 2ha and Yuwu (yes I bought them back way when, but she deserves more for those novels, honest!) but in terms of reading this horrible mess - Mousie out.

I was more and more unhappy with this novel since He Yu came back from whateversville (chapter 203 alone is something that I want to scrub from my brain) but hanging on like grim death, in hopes that maybe just maybe, the characters and plot will start making sense.

Chapter 215 has put an end to all that hope. Xie Qing Cheng’s lost dead parents apparently had their consciousness transplanted into killer robots, as we and XQC found out and then they died all within 214 as HY showed up on a flying horse as one does. At that point, I was holding to this novel by my fingernails.

And then 215 kindly came and peeled my fingernails off that window sill.

He Yu’s biological mother is also alive. Fingernail peeled off.

He Yu owns the Dreambreakers (how can he own/run police org?) Fingernail peeled off.

XQC has figured it out before. Fingernail peeled off.

XQC asks if HY hates him. Good bye all the remaining fingernails off into abyss we go.

You know what this means? Other than the plot has now jumped enough sharks to make Shark Week envious?

IT MEANS THAT WHEN HE YU VIOLENTLY RAPED XQC - HUMILIATING HIM BEYOND MEASURE, BREAKING HIM, HELL PISSING INSIDE HIM, AND THEN KIDNAPPED HIM AND KEPT FORCING SEX ON HIM HE WAS NOT MIND-CONTROLLED OR CHEMICALLY ALTERED OR WHATEVER, HE WAS PURELY HIMSELF. Just jealous and pissed off and dumb and unable to think through the most common sense connections.

That is not a character I can root for, comprehend or even continue to read about as supposed protagonist who deserves happiness.

Because after all these years, He Yu’s go-to method when he’s angry is rape and violence and humiliation. Only worse each time, classic abuser pattern. It’s innate in him and he sees nothing wrong in that. Because only he matters, the rest XQC included are vessels and tools. A tool has no volition or wishes or selfhood.

HE YU IS A FUCKING MONSTER AND ALL I WANT IS FOR HIM TO DIE PAINFULLY BUT HE’S GONNA GET A HAPPY ENDING...I CAN’T!

And XQC after this asks if He Yu hates him? THE FUCK WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! “Oh, I am so sorry I hurt your feelings, my beloved abuser! Please forgive me - do you need a bathroom perchance?” XQC needs to exit the plot and get serious hardcore therapy for what is massively, horrifically wrong with him. I can pity him, but I cannot understand him nor can I root for a disgusting, abusive relationship between two people one of whom should be in a maximum security prison and the other in serious psychiatric treatment.

You know what - after this novel, I don’t think I will be reading any Meatbun novel in the future unless it’s both complete and people I trust tell me it’s good.

Because I find this novel’s arc not just bad but it also makes me feel utterly disgusted and if I want to be disgusted, I don’t need to jump through jjwxc hoops, I can just read the news.

[wisteria-imagines]

Wisteria Imagines - Kyoujuro × Innkeeper's daughter Reader (F) 

This was requested by @anonymous1710-blog who wanted to see some Tsundere Reader x Smitten Kyoujuro, I hope you enjoy!

 +++ Fire Pot-Sama +++

You weren’t the most respectful person in the universe, that wasn’t a secret to anyone. Your mother often chastised you for being a mouthy little thing, which - when being the daughter of an innkeeper - wasn’t the best trait to have. You tried keeping a lid on things when there were guests around, but some people brought out the worst in you. 

Case and point, the new residents your mother just checked in. They were demon slayers, which you honestly didn’t think was a real job, though your mother was quick to disagree. One of them in particular was kind of annoying. He was a tall man with the eyes of an owl and bright coloured hair, he immediately caught your attention the moment he entered the room. 

He seemed like an airhead, overly loud and positive. You doubt he could slay anything, he seemed too friendly for something like that. Your mother seemed to worship the ground he walked on, apparently he was a special demon slayer, but you didn’t buy it. You tried remaining civil, but your mother’s insistence on his greatness was starting to piss you off a little. 

One time though, when you were cleaning the empty rooms you stumbled upon one where the demon slayer was training in. He was shirtless, sweat making his body glisten, and boy, what a body that was. He was well built, muscles thick and toned, as though sculpted as opposed to earned. He was clearly skilled, and the way the light through the window hit his frame, he was truly breathtaking. Your mouth hung slightly, until his eyes fell upon you. 

You suddenly realise you were totally checking him out.

“Ah, (Y/n)-san! Can I help you with anything?” he practically bellowed. You also realise you didn’t know his name. He had that weird official title your mother called him, it started with a ‘h’ or something didn’t it? You curtly bowed your head.

“Uh… Sorry to intrude… H-Hibachi-sama!” 

For the first few seconds he was quiet. Nervous, you looked up and his cheeks were puffed with air. Finally he let out a great, deep laugh that echoed through the room. That was when you realised your blunder. A hibachi was used to store and heat food, it was not the official title of this demon slayer. 

“N-Not hibachi, hishi… Uh, hashi… Umm!”

“Kyoujuro.” He interrupted you.

“Huh?”

“My name is Rengoku Kyoujuro. I am the flame Hashira.” Hashira, was the word you were looking for. “But you can call me Hibachi-sama.” He teased. 

Your face was red with embarrassment. You hated this guy, and stupidly good looking body. 

You believed this was the last you’d hear of this man, however, for the next few days of his stay, he followed you like a lost puppy - or more accurately, an overly friendly puppy. 

“(Y/n)-san! How are you? Do you need a hand? What are you doing today? The weather is quite nice for a stroll, don’t you think?” 

He was becoming a nuisance. You didn’t know exactly what he wanted. He was being just a little “too” nice and helpful, he surely had ulterior motives. You played at his game, deciding to see where it would go.

“What do you want, Hibachi-sama? You’re kinda getting in the way of my work you know. There are other guests that need to be taken care of you know.” You'd taunt at him, though there was never any heat behind your words.

But regardless of your little jabs Kyoujuro doesn't falter the slightest bit. In fact he persists, and you slowly grow accustomed to his presence. 

One time you'll be in the kitchen unable to reach something high in a cabinet, and he'll saunter in asking if you needed a hand. 

"I don't know how well those eyes of yours work but that's too high for even you to reach." you say rolling your eyes.

He makes a thoughtful expression before getting behind you and hoisting you up by the hips as though you weighed nothing.

"There you go! Problem solved!" 

You spent a good ten seconds being startled, before reaching whatever it was you needed to grab. He placed you down gently, and you huffed, ignoring the blush on your cheeks.

"What is your game?!"

"Huh?"

"This goody, goody routine you're spinning. I don't buy it for one second, so what is it you want from me?"

You turn to face him only to realise he was still very close to you, you could feel the heat radiating from his body. Again you were met with another thoughtful expression before he smiles, leaning in slightly.

"I want to spend time with you, though kissing you would be better." He said shamelessly. 

Your brain short circuited. 

You would blush and stammer before turning your head away with a huff.

"Stupid, Hibachi-sama! You think just cause you're cute you'll get a kiss off me? Dream on." 

"So you think I'm cute then?" He beamed.

You scoffed as you moved away from not daring to look back, because you knew if you looked at him for any long you wouldn't be able to stop.

"You're not ugly, Hibachi-sama." You said finally.

He blushed, beaming at you. It felt like sunshine was bathing your back.

"I like you too (Y/n)!"

Send in your reader x pillar requests and you just might get chosen!

[mrsalwayswrite]

Rage Like Ice (Sihtric x Reader)

This is my first time writing Sihtric, so let me know what y’all think!

Warnings: assault, attempted strangulation, aftermath of assault (I promise the assault itself is only brief)

Words:2,100

Tag List: @happyveday​ @evelynshelby​

  Thyra dabbed away the blood dripping from your split lip. You could see her wanting to say something but soon as she opened her mouth, something would flicker in her eyes and she would snap her mouth shut. 

 "Thyra… I am glad it was me. We don't need Beocca committing murder." You tried to both tease and soothe, even as you winced after you attempted to smile. 

 She smiled faintly but you could tell it was hollow. Her lips moved but her eyes remained sorrowful. "The gods were watching over us." She murmured in her gentle voice. 

 You nodded. Being the only two Dane women in Wintanceaster and both having been saved from different places by Uhtred and his men, you two had bonded. She had become the sister you never had. 

 "Sihtric may kill him though." Her fathomless eyes dropped down to the bruises forming around your throat then back up to meet your own. 

 "Shite. I need to cover it up."

 She stared, eyes trailing over your face and neck. Most likely realizing the improbability of hiding the evidence of the fight. "Let me see what I can do." She dropped the bloodied cloth onto the table next to you, then spun on her heel and walked towards the bedroom without another word. 

 Soon as she was out of sight, you dropped your head into your hands and exhaled like it would dismiss all the tension and frustration rolling around in your gut. Your throat was beginning to ache and talking made it worse, even as you tried to mask the pain. You did not need Thyra heaping anymore guilt onto herself. Especially when it was not her fault. 

 The afternoon had not gone according to plan. King Alfred had summoned Uhtred, Finan and Sihtric to talk about Dane raids. Of course, Beocca tagged along, most likely in an attempt to keep Uhtred in line. Osferth had said something about visiting the church to pray. So while the men were gone, Thyra and you planned on taking a leisurely stroll through the market, getting supplies for a special dinner and working on it together before the men returned. You knew the simple act of making a meal with female company was something she missed from her childhood with her mother, so you tried to do it every time you could. 

 Of course, fate had other plans. 

 On your walk, a Saxon man yelled 'Dane whores' at you two from his seat at a pub. When you two ignored him, arms locked together and you rolled your eyes… apparently that was the wrong action to take. He stumbled out of his seat, not quite drunk but certainly not sober, and followed like a stray cat, hissing and trying to be threatening. 

 What you did not expect was for him to sneak up from behind and shove you forcefully to the ground. It may have been the dismissive look you had given him or how you told him to 'just leave us alone, bastard', but he focused all his anger out on you. He shoved Thyra to the ground also, kicking away her basket, spilling all its content onto the ground. After hitting the ground, you rolled over, Sihtric's training forcing your body to move, to be ready. Before you could move further, the Saxon knelt over you, pinning you beneath him.

 Time blurred before your eyes, unable to vividly recall what happened next.  

 You remembered his hands around your throat, the weight of his body on your hips. You remembered Thyra screaming and trying to beat him off but he shoved her away again. You remembered trying to get him off, lungs shrieking, desperate for air. You remembered your mind demanding, pleading for escape. After all you had survived, after all you had endured… this could not be your end. You remembered in a last-ditch effort, grabbing the dagger you had strapped to your waist and in a Herculean attempt, stabbing him in the thigh with it. 

 Then, you escaped. 

 A crowd formed at the sight of the fight. Two men grabbed your attacker, restraining him as he snarled at you, blood dripping down his thigh. Thyra and you did not wait to see what happened next. She snagged your hand and you two raced back to her home. 

 Now, you could feel your hands shaking. You leaned back in the chair to look at them, laying in your lap. There were some droplets of blood on your skin. Either from you or him, you were not sure. 

 Your dagger was next to you on the table, cleaned off thanks to Thyra. A gift from Sihtric. When he gave it to you, he explained he hoped you never had to use it but wanted you to always have some kind of weapon on your person. Wessex was not Daneland but it still was not entirely safe. 

 This was the first time you had used it. 

 A commotion outside drew your gaze to the door just as it opened and those that you called family spilled in. Beocca led the way into his small home, grumbling and throwing glares at Uhtred and Finan, who were laughing. Osferth came next with a blush on his cheeks. Whatever they were teasing Beocca about, you doubted it was appropriate. Lastly, Sihtric walked in shaking his head. 

 Your heart thudded a rapid tattoo in your chest as your eyes met his. Those eyes that saw so much, that were clever and loyal and oh so trustworthy. A small smile lifted the corner of his mouth and with that, the air left your lungs faster than when you had been knocked to the ground. Even after all this time, he still left you breathless and giddy like a young girl with her first crush. 

 Most of all though, he made you feel safe and cherished. 

 Thyra stepped back into the main room, eyes wary and jumping from the men to you and back. She gripped a scarf in her hand but it was too late. 

 When Beocca started talking, you ripped your eyes from Sihtric, dropping your head to stare at your still trembling hands in your lap. 

 "Thyra, dear. Are you alright? We heard there was a fight in the market today."

 Before she could answer Beocca, Finan spoke, throwing himself onto a chair with a cheeky smirk. "Oh aye, we 'eard some fool started a fight with some whores and got stabbed. I'd love to find out who the whores were, perhaps see what other moves they have?" He wiggled his eyebrows making Uhtred chuckle. 

 You could not help sneaking a glance at Thyra, whose own concerned gaze met yours. Was that the story being told by those who witnessed it? 

 Then what you dreaded happened next.

 The sound of footfalls came towards you. You clasped your hands in my lap, hoping to stop the trembling, wishing there was a way to magic the bruises away. It was too late though. He knew. Somehow, he always knew when you were in trouble, or hurting or just needed him. 

 Sihtric stopped, standing right in front of you. You could see his legs and boots but you refused to look up. 

 "Look at me." He said softly, yet the command rang loudly in his words. You shook your head, tears gathering in your eyes. 

 With a tender touch that seemed counterintuitive to his warrior skills, he cupped your chin, lifting it gently. That intense gaze swept over your face, drawing answers without even asking you a question. His thumb touched your split lip, as if confirming what he was seeing was not an illusion. When those dark eyes moved lower, your breath caught in your throat. You witnessed the moment he saw the bruises on your throat. His eyes narrowed, jaw clenched, his body suddenly tense and wound up like a coil, but his touch remained soft on you.

 All the sounds of those around you vanished as he met your eyes once again. It was just him and you in this moment. 

 "Who did this to you?" 

 You flinched at the ice in his voice. Oh, this was far worse than anger. You knew of the anger that could burn through him, especially in battle. This though… the way frost practically coated his breath, the stillness that covered his body, the dead silence after his question. This was not the fire of anger so easily witnessed in others. No, this went beyond that. This was the icy depths of rage and fury. This was not something that would burn out after a quick fight. No, this lingered until the rage thawed away… only satisfied when the blood debt was paid. 

 He whispered your name, sweeping away a stray tear that escaped from your eye. "Who did this?"

 "Some drunk. It doesn't matter. We got away." You croaked out, your throat suddenly feeling swollen as if words and emotions were stuck there.

 He turned to the side, keeping his hand under your chin, baring your neck for all to see, and looked at Uhtred. "Lord… permission to hunt down this bastard and finish what he started."

 "Sihtric, no…" You whined but he ignored you. 

 Uhtred's eyes narrowed, flickering across your face and neck. "Shouldn't be that hard to hunt the bastard down. He'll be limping from a dagger to the leg."

 "Uhtred, Sihtric, no." Beocca moved to stand in front of the door. "We shall bring this matter before the king. Let him decide justice. You cannot commit murder."

 "It's not murder if I'm stopping him from attempting to kill her again!" Sihtric stated coldly, eyes narrowed, body almost vibrating in rage. "That's protection."

 "Sihtric, please, no." You clawed at him, trying to keep him with you. "Stay with me."

 Finan stood up, hands raised in an unnecessary show of surrender. "We'll find the bastard, Sihtric. We'll deal with him but not when ya eyes are seein' red, aye? Father Beocca and I can go to the king right now. Uhtred and Osferth can find that piece of shite. We won't let this happen again."

 "Please." You tried once again. At this point your voice was no more than a whisper, the dull ache transforming so it felt like someone was rubbing sandpaper against your throat. The adrenaline from earlier had drained and now exhaustion replaced it. All you wanted was for Sihtric to hold you, to stay and not race away on a man hunt for that damn drunk. "Please…. just stay with me."

 The Dane stared at you for several long moments, those dark eyes trailing a heat over your exposed skin. Finally, his hard gaze shifted to look at the men across the room. He gave a single nod, draining the tension in the room. Immediately everyone started moving, either to fulfill their duties or to escape from Sihtric's cold fury. 

 "Thyra, come with me." Beocca said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and escorting her outside. Finan and Osferth slipped out quickly with them. 

 Uhtred moved closer, eyes scanning over you. "Did he harm you anywhere else?"

 "No, lord."

 "We'll take care of this. One way or another." He said, but the last part he directed to Sihtric. You could see the understanding in Uhtred's eyes. If someone put their hands on Gisela like that, he would be out for blood…. and no one would be able to stop him. 

 "Thank you, lord." 

 After Sihtric's comment, Uhtred nodded once more to the pair of you then stormed out of the small home, presumably on his way to hunt down the man that hurt you. 

 Once alone, Sihtric whipped around, his hands cupped your face. The desperate fury and fear no longer hidden away on his face. "No one touches you. No one." He hissed out, a hand lightly trailing down your neck. 

 Many times before he had teasingly told you that the only thing to ever adorn your neck should be his lips. You had even stopped wearing any form of necklace because he would complain that it got in his way. Now seeing the bruises marring his favorite place to lavish his affection on you, you knew this only fueled his blood lust. 

 "I know. You taught me to protect myself and I did." You tried to soothe, your hands gripping the front of his tunic.  

 "I should have been there."

 "No, you were doing your duty. You were with Lord Uhtred." You paused. "This is not your fault."

 His voice dropped to a strained whisper. "I can't lose you."

 "You won't. The gods brought us together, they would not tear us apart like this."

 He pulled you against him, wrapping his arms around you and kissed the top of your head. With your head against his chest, you could feel the last of his icy rage thawed away as you sank into his embrace. 

 "I swear you're never leaving my side."

 You smiled, burrowing your head further against his chest. "I could think of worse places to be."

[from-a-reckless-writer]

as a prompt: these stupid hats w lena, kara, and alex respectively

disclaimer: i wrote this at 12:30 am running on the sugar high of an ice cold ovaltine drink topped with salted caramel ice cream that tastes more like salt than caramel and all of this was written without proofreading and prior research, so...read at your own risk. 

Alex wanted to burn the picture. She wanted it out of her sight. She wanted to see it up in flames until it has disintegrated into a million pieces. But...Kelly said she can’t. So, there on the mantel above the fireplace of their home stands a framed picture—a stupid picture, in Alex’s perspective—with Kara grinning in the middle, Lena on her left wearing a shy smile, and Alex wearing the biggest scowl on her face, arms crossed as Kara slung both arms around her and Lena. The three of them wearing the most stupid caps in the history of stupid caps.

See, there’s a story behind said stupid caps with the stupid captions on them. It was Nia who gave them the stupid caps. Two weeks after Alex told them the story...

A story Alex wishes no older sister ever has the tragedy of experiencing.

It started with a phone call in the middle of the night, as every good tragedy story starts with.

Kelly shakes her awake, "Babe, your phone s'ringing," she slurs sleepily. The shrill ringing finally breaking through Alex's sleepy stupor.

Who the fuck calls at 2 am? It was an unknown number which made Alex's heart rate speed. Oh God, what if something’s happened to their mother?

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Alexandra Danvers?"

It was too formal for a call in the middle of the night. Oh God, it's a hospital isn't it? Oh fuck, fuck, fuck—

"Uh, yes, yes this is Danvers, speaking."

She tries to keep the panic in control. 

"Ms. Danvers, this is Officer Brooke of NCPD, your sister, Kara Danvers, is now currently detained in our precinct for—"

Alex mind decided to dissociate the moment she heard the words; public indecency, bail and misdemeanor. 

“Thank you for informing me, officer. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Because, WHAT THE FUCK? 

You know that moment when something just shitty happens, and your body just goes into robot mode? Alex searching her bag and wrangling for her keys is what wakes Kelly up. 

"Alex? What are you doing? Where are you going?"

How do you tell your girlfriend that your sister and her girlfriend couldn't keep it in their pants, and now, she has to bail them out for acting like two horny teenagers?

Good God, this is a PR disaster, if one—just one paparazzi—caught wind that Lena Luthor is sitting in a cell right now, with about five other drunks and one kid whose pushing drugs, the media would have a field day. 

“Uhm, I have to go get Kara from a precinct. It’s a long story, babe. Go sleep. I’ll tell you in the morning.”

“Oh my god, precinct? What happened? Is she okay?”

Kelly bless her heart, was concerned about her sister’s wellbeing. Meanwhile, all Alex wants to do was punch the shit out of her. Never mind the fact that it would probably harm Alex more than Kara, but she’s fucking pissed. This is so stupid, of all the fucking bad decisions that would land Kara Danvers in jail, it’s public sex.

She doesn’t need this shit. 

“She’s okay, don’t worry,” Alex utters, thinking, Well, she isn’t gonna be okay once I’m done with her. 

“Go back to sleep, promise it’s nothing big. I gotta go now.”

***

“Alex!" Kara exclaims, behind bars. That's a sentence she'll never thought she'd associate with Kara. "Thank Rao, you’re here, we--”

“WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE BOTH OF YOU—" Alex pauses mid-yell, when she sees Lena stumble behind Kara, "Are you drunk?!!” 

“Oh my God, I swear to God, I’m going to die early because of your bullshit.”

Alex played the “I have the number of the Chief of Police and I can get your badge suspended since I am also the Director of a covert government agency, if you do not give me my sister and her girlfriend, right this instant” card. And now, she’s faced with a blushing Kara and an apparently still very drunk, very disheveled looking Lena Luthor. 

“We’re sorry!!”

“Oh, oh you better fucking be sorry, you’re telling J’onn I need my brain bleached tomorrow morning. Public indecency for fuck’s sake. You’re a billionaire couldn’t you have just called your driver?!”

“Oh, uhm well, uh we kind of uh I kind of--”

Oh my God, Lena Luthor is into exhibitionism. 

“Fuck. Okay, fine, whatever you’re forgiven I don’t give a shit anymore,just please shut up and please, please do not talk to me for the next 48 hours. Both of you. Understood?”

***

Apparently, Lena dragged Kara to Al’s claiming that, Kara what you need is a good drink. When’s the last time you experienced even a mild buzz?

And so, to the bar they went. Lena sending her driver home for the night, knowing that the both of them would be staying out late, and she can definitely just call an Uber or something, or maybe Kara wouldn’t really get drunk and they can just fly home. 

But none of those happened. Instead, what happened is Kara getting wasted like never before, and Lena going down right along with her. And as usual as things go with these two, an innocent kiss outside the bar quickly escalated into something...more. 

And now, here they were blushing and unable to look Alex in the eye in the back of Kelly’s car. Alex couldn’t exactly pick two drunk women with her bike could she?

She really didn’t know a person can be capable of feeling this much rage and exasperation but apparently, it is so very possible. 

The moment they arrive at Lena’s place, she doesn’t even tell them goodbye or acknowledge their sorry’s and thank you’s, she just stares ahead, knuckles white around the steering wheel as she hears the car door close. 

***

“It’s a very funny picture, Alex,” Kelly whispers in her ear, hugging her from behind as Alex glares at the newly-framed photo. 

“That wasn’t a fun night, and this isn’t a funny photo. It’s a traumatic reminder, Kelly.”

“Stop being dramatic. It’s a cute photo. Nia really captured the essence, you know?”

Kelly lets out a laugh at Alex’s knitted eyebrows, once she spins around in her arms to face her. 

“They better call Nia the next time they get arrested.”

“You think there’s gonna be a next time?”

“Kelly, it’s Kara and Lena. There’s gonna be a next time.”

[red-talisman]

An unbetaed snippet of post-CQL canon Yunmeng reconciliation, which is mostly extremely morbid and blunt conversation after beating each other hard enough that they’re too tired for their usual conflicting modes of emotional avoidance.

EDIT: now edited and posted on AO3. :D

CW for past suicidal ideation. Part of my “let WWX express some of his cynical humor and creepiness more often” and “let WWX find out about JC’s own sacrifice goddamnit” agendas.

___________________

Jiang Cheng stares blankly into the trees, their trunks slowly disappearing in the deepening darkness of twilight. Wei Wuxian’s back is warm against his and heaving for breath just as heavily. He thinks his ankle might be broken, but Wei Wuxian is probably worse off.

“You’re an asshole,” Wei Wuxian says thickly.

“Hypocrite,” Jiang Cheng mutters without heat, and Wei Wuxian manages a snort between his gasps.

“Yeah.” After a moment, he adds, with an echo of the old Yiling Laozu in his voice, “You know that if you ever do something like that again, I’ll probably find a way to do something worse than I did before.”

“If I do what, save your life by pulling the same fucking sacrificial shit that you do?”

“I swear to every god out there that I will bring you back as a fierce corpse and kill you myself,” Wei Wuxian says in a pleasant, albeit still somewhat breathless, tone. “I will dismember your carcass and make Jin Guangyao look like a fucking amateur.”

“Good thing Mo Xuanyu’s core isn’t worth shit, then,” Jiang Cheng replies. All of his attention is focused on the feeling of his brother’s bones and muscles moving against his own spine.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a pause. Somewhere distant Jiang Cheng hears the panicked yells of what’s probably the juniors they left behind a few li back. Then Wei Wuxian sighs. “We’re really fucked up.”

Jiang Cheng takes his time considering and discarding several possible responses. His ankle hurts like a bitch; Mo Xuanyu’s core may not be worth shit, but damn if his asshole genius brother hasn’t figured out how to make the most of it anyway. He finally settles on a tired, “Yeah.”

The silence stretches on long enough that Wei Wuxian goes on, more quietly, “You and Shijie are the only reason I didn’t die in the Burial Mounds. The Wens grabbed me before I knew whether or not you’d even survived the core transfer.”

Jiang Cheng tilts his head just enough to glance briefly over his shoulder. “How did you survive the Burial Mounds?”

“Nope, no, I’m not putting that on you. Not even Lan Zhan knows. I can’t...I can’t do that.”

“Fine. Then tell me, is any of it going to come back and bite us in the ass at the worst possible moment?” he asks dryly.

Wei Wuxian snorts, humorless. “Nah. It’s all mine.”

“Would you tell me if it wasn’t?”

When Wei Wuxian hesitates for a few telling seconds, Jiang Cheng mutters, “You fucking asshole.”

“Yeah.” Wei Wuxian sighs again.

“You left me.”

“You didn’t need me.”

“Who the fuck said that?”

The knobs of Wei Wuxian’s spine are starting to press painfully into Jiang Cheng’s. Wei Wuxian snorts. “I was practically a fierce corpse myself when I dragged myself out of the Burial Mounds. Your position as sect leader was too precarious,” he says bluntly. “You were seventeen years old with no real family, a sister who was getting married off anyway, and an adopted brother who’d been controversial years before the war even happened and who was clearly half-mad and getting worse. And I...my mind never really left the Mounds, honestly.” He coughs, makes a wet sound, and spits. “If I stayed much longer I was going to end up dragging you back into Hell with me. I was a risk you couldn’t afford and I wasn’t going to destroy Yunmeng Jiang a second time.”

"Don’t pull that bullshit, Wei Wuxian.” Jiang Cheng is so, so tired. “Mother was wrong. You know Wen Chao was looking for any excuse. You’re as responsible for that as our shidi was for using a round kite.”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t respond. Jiang Cheng makes a mental note to beat that nonsense out of him in the future, when he can lift his arms again and his ankle isn’t most likely broken.

But Jiang Cheng remembers what it was like to try turning weapons, human and sword alike, into tools of peace. There are still whole weeks of the Sunshot Campaign that are just smears of sense-memory: the cacophony of screams and curses; the reek of mass funeral pyres and the soft ash drifting through the air like black, silent snow; the startling warmth of being suddenly drenched in blood after Sandu sliced open another living human. Half the time he’d come back to himself laughing hysterically, unable to see anything through the tears on his face, and as the war dragged on, the tears eventually dried up. It had taken months afterwards to settle into the mindset of rebuilding for Lotus Pier. (If he’s honest with himself, he never really did settle there. There's always a part of him still dragging itself through mud made by blood spilled on battlefields and churned up by soldiers' boots.)

“Jin Ling’s the only reason I never actually killed myself after you died,” Jiang Cheng says. “...Don’t you ever tell him that.”

“Wait, what?” Wei Wuxian snaps.

“You saying I would’ve died without a core - it was never about not having a core, you idiot, not really.” Not to say that hadn’t hurt, and Jiang Cheng really doesn’t know how he would’ve managed life as a commoner. But there were still worse things to lose than a core, which had also just lost and was about to lose yet again. “I had a few ideas on how to do it, depending on where I was and what was available when I decided I might as well get it over with.” He huffs a brief laugh and idly rubs his thumb over Sandu’s hilt. “I thought poison might be a good option, if a little heavy-handed on the metaphor.”

“I’d be laughing,” Wei Wuxian says flatly, “if you weren’t talking about killing my little brother.”

“Am I?”

“You never stopped.”

The silhouettes of the trees start to blur in Jiang Cheng’s eyes. “You left. You left, and everyone died, and somehow I was responsible for keeping our sister’s baby alive while the wolves tried to eat what remained of our sect from every direction. You left.”

“I never wanted to.”

“But you did.”

“Because I didn’t see any other way to keep you safe.”

“Because you chose strangers over family.”

“Because I didn’t see any other way to keep you safe,” Wei Wuxian hisses. Apparently they’re not so exhausted that they can’t get pissed after all. “I was hardly human anymore, Jiang Cheng. If I was going to die, then at least I’d die actually managing to save innocent people this time around and you would be safe from me.”

“I never wanted you to do that for me!”

“And I never wanted you to do that for me!”

The tension that had them both struggling to sit up straight suddenly breaks, and their backs collide again. Jiang Cheng grits his teeth against the urge to groan over the pain that ricochets through his chest and down his limbs. He hears a muffled yelp from behind him.

“You’re a damned fucking asshole and you’re my fucking brother and I hate you and don’t you ever assume you know what I need again, do you understand me,” snarls Jiang Cheng.

“You’re the damned fucking asshole and if you ever do that again then I will brand a reminder into your flesh right over the scar from the discipline whip,” Wei Wuxian snaps back, because he's never held back from fighting dirty if he thought it necessary.

“Fine!”

“Fine.”

They both stare into the dark forest, in opposite directions. It sounds like the juniors have finally picked up their tracks. Useless, the whole lot - Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian hadn't exactly been subtle in stepping aside for a private conversation that inevitably escalated, how could it take the kids this long?

"Those dumbasses had better not forget that we're on a night-hunt," he says.

"Like we did?" Wei Wuxian replies.

"You started it."

"Did not."

"No, I'm not doing this with you."

"Hey, you started this one."

"Shut the fuck up."

They fall silent again. A cold breeze picks up and Jiang Cheng feels Wei Wuxian shiver, pressing back just a little more firmly against Jiang Cheng for warmth, and he...leans back too. Just a little.

"I'm still fucking pissed at you," says Wei Wuxian.

"And I've got years' worth to pay you back for," says Jiang Cheng.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Sect Leader Jiang!" they hear. "Senior Wei!"

"If you don't show up for the mid-autumn festival," Jiang Cheng suddenly says, "I'll come drag you out of the Cloud Recesses by the heels."

"But the dogs - "

"Don't be an idiot. Jin Ling's dog is the only one allowed in Lotus Pier, you know that."

Well, come to think of it, Wei Wuxian probably doesn't know that, but whatever, now he does. Wei Wuxian is terrifyingly silent, but before Jiang Cheng can say something that will inevitably bring them back to throwing fists, he hears a quiet, "Yeah, okay."

"Do you think they killed each other?" they hear Lan Jingyi asking loudly. "I mean, Sandu Shengshou versus the Yiling Patriarch - who would win?"

"Don't be an idiot," retorts Jin Ling, and Wei Wuxian's body briefly shakes with a laugh. "My uncle, obviously."

"They're both your uncle, idiot!"

Jiang Cheng just sighs and lets his head fall back against Wei Wuxian’s shoulder.

[flamingfalcon3]

Hello! I have finally finished the first chapter of my first Jori fanfic. I’m still trying to get a feel for the character interactions but I think I’m starting to get the hang of it! I’m gonna start posting to ao3 once i get that account set up (and figure out a title lol) but I might as well post the first chapter here! Any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy!

Jade knew her girlfriend was hiding something. 

Tori was not a hard person to read. Hell, the girl practically wore her heart on her sleeve. It was so easy to guess what she was feeling at all times that Tori had all but given up trying to conceal her emotions. 

So, when Jade noticed that Tori was a bit more high-strung and stressed than usual, it wasn’t hard for her to conclude that there was something on her mind. 

It also helped that Tori was an awful liar. 

“What’s up with you?” Jade asked casually during lunch one afternoon.

“Nothing!” the singer squeaked suspiciously. She cleared her throat and attempted to regain composure. “Nothing is up. Everything is great!”

Jade frowned slightly, not at all convinced, but decided just to drop it for the time being as the rest of their friend group arrived at the table. 

The rest of the day was uneventful. Sikowitz made them all tapdance while performing a scene to “demonstrate how important it is to stay in character no matter what the character may be doing” or whatever and then spent the rest of the class monologuing about how a squirrel got trapped in his bathroom. 

Jade sighed a breath of relief as the final bell rang and cut Sikowitz off just as he was about to go into detail about the standoff he had with the rodent. The only one seemingly more anxious to get out of the classroom than Jade was her girlfriend, who was out the door before the bell even finished ringing. Their friends glanced at each other in confusion. 

“Maybe she really hates squirrels?” Robbie suggested. The others considered it for a moment before shrugging and forgetting about it a second later, exiting the classroom.

Jade strode over to Tori, who was frantically throwing books into her backpack from her locker. Jade leaned back against the locker next to Tori’s while folding her arms across her chest. 

“You’re in a hurry,” the goth commented while watching the girl struggle to cram a science textbook into her bag. 

“Jade!” Tori jumped slightly, seemingly startled by Jade’s presence.

“That’s me,” she responded dryly. “Did you forget about our date after school today?”

The singer’s eyes widened in realization and her hand flew to her forehead as she let out a groan

“Jade, oh my god, I am so sorry! I completely forgot!” she confessed, clearly feeling guilty she had forgotten they’d planned to have sushi after school ended.  

“It’s alright,” Jade replied coolly, quirking the corner of her mouth up slightly to convey to Tori she wasn’t upset with her. “What’s got you in such a rush anyway?”

Tori paused for a moment, staring down at her converse.

“Oh, umm… I promised my mom I would help her with… something,” she mumbled.

“Something…?” Jade probed, hoping to get a little more context on what had her girlfriend so worked up. Tori, however, would not offer her any.

“It’s not important. I swear I’ll make it up to you,” Tori slung her bag over her shoulder before stepping towards Jade and planting a short but sweet kiss to her lips. She then turned and began walking towards the exit. 

“You better! I can’t have people think I got stood up!” Jade called out after her, earning a hearty laugh from her girlfriend as she left the building. 

The goth rolled her eyes, amused by Tori’s refusal to admit what it was she was helping her mother with. It must be super embarrassing or something. 

Jade was halfway through entering her locker combination when she remembered something that gave her pause.

Tori’s parents were out of town for the week. Trina had a showcase and they needed an excuse not to show up. Why would she need to help her mom with something if-?

Jade’s phone lit up with a message from Tori directed towards the group chat, asking if anyone could lend her $100 bucks. The goth furrowed her brows. Tori rarely asked for money, and never more than $10 dollars at a time.

Tori Vega, what the hell are you up to? 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All Jade could think about for the rest of the day was how strange her girlfriend was acting. She wasn’t responding to her text messages and apparently none of their friends had heard from her either. It wasn’t like Tori at all, and Jade’s curiosity was slowly turning into concern. 

She knew it was silly to be worried. Tori was a big girl, after all. Still, why would she need $100 bucks on such short notice? And what was with her skittish and secretive attitude? 

Maybe she was in trouble with someone. Maybe she needed to pay them money in order to keep them at bay. 

The thought was so absurd that Jade almost burst out laughing as soon as it entered her mind. This is Tori she was talking about. Miss “I have never stayed out past curfew” Vega. Not exactly the type to get tangled up in criminal activity.

Still, Jade couldn’t help but feel uneasy about Tori’s radio silence. It wouldn’t hurt to pay her a visit, right?

15 minutes later she was climbing through her girlfriend’s bedroom window, which Tori for some reason always kept unlocked. Tori wasn’t there, but her backpack was on her bed and her phone was on her desk. Jade let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding as she sank down onto the bed. Not 10 seconds later she heard the sound of footsteps and the bedroom door creaked open. In walked Tori who jumped five feet in the air and shrieked upon seeing someone in her room.

“Jade?” Tori yelped. “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering my texts,” the goth deadpanned. 

“So you broke into my house?” 

“I didn’t break in. Your window was unlocked,” 

“That’s still breaking in!”

“Is it really, though?”

“Yes!” 

Jade was about to argue further when she noticed Tori was holding a grocery bag, and its contents looked quite heavy based on how far the bottom was sagging. 

“Whatcha got there?” She asked, gesturing towards the bag. Tori glanced at it quickly before fixing her gaze back on Jade. 

“Just some stuff for a science project,” she stated, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Tori,” Jade huffed. “We are in the same science class. We’re lab partners. We don’t have a science project.”

Tori stammered helplessly, trying and failing to come up with some explanation for what was in the bag. Jade groaned in annoyance, fed up with whatever game her girlfriend was playing.

“I don’t understand why you won’t just tell me what’s going on! You know it doesn’t matter what it is since my opinion of you can’t get any low-” Jade was interrupted by a strange noise coming from somewhere in the room. She immediately turned to locate the source of the sound.  

Tori could only watch helplessly as the goth scoured every inch of her room before finally tearing open the doors to her closet. A tiny fuzzy creature emerged from the darkness. And then another. And then another. They kept emerging from the closet until there were seven tiny kittens of various colors and patterns wandering around the room. 

Jade slowly looked back up at her girlfriend, confusion written all over her face.

“How-how did those get in there?” Tori stammered, trying her very best to feign ignorance as all the kittens ran towards her meowing hungrily. 

Unfortunately her “very best” still wasn’t very good. 

“Tori, why were there cats in your closet?” Jade asked, still absolutely bewildered by the scene that was unfolding. 

The singer realized there was no way she could talk her way out of this one, and just gave her girlfriend a guilty look before opening her mouth.

“Remember last week when there was that sudden downpour in downtown Los Angeles?” Jade nodded. “Well, I was walking home from Nozu’s when I heard strange noises coming from an alleyway. I went to check to see what it was and-”

“Wait, you heard strange noises coming from an alleyway in downtown Los Angeles at night and you went to go check it out?” Jade asked incredulously. Jesus, Jade doesn’t know how her girlfriend has managed to survive for this long considering her self-preservation instincts were non-existent. Tori just rolled her eyes in response.”

“As I was saying, I went to go check out what the strange noises were and… well,” she turned to look at the kittens scampering around her bedroom. 

Jade brought her hand up to her face to pinch the bridge of her nose.

“So let me get this straight, you wandered into a back alley while it was raining and found kittens and decided the best thing to do would be to take them home?” Jade was still bewildered by her girlfriend. 

“Well when you put it that way it sounds like a stupid idea,” Tori blushed while avoiding eye contact. Jade sighed but took a step closer to her. 

“I mean, I always assumed you would be one of those lesbians who would have like ten cats but I thought that would start after you moved out of your parents’ house,” she smirked. 

“Hey!” Tori let out a mock-offended gasp while swatting Jade’s arm playfully. “I mean, I probably will have to move out once they come home and discover I’ve been hiding kittens in my room despite my father being deathly allergic to them.”  

Why was Jade attracted to such a moron? 

“Can’t you just give them to a shelter or something?” she asked gently. Tori shook her head softly.

“I thought about it but the pounds are apparently really full this time of year so there’s a significant possibility that they'll get…” Tori paused, unable to even finish the thought. “It’s just… they’ve been through so much in the short few weeks they’ve been alive and I can’t just abandon them now!”

Stupid Tori and her stupid heart of gold. The goth groaned and tilted her head back.

“Ugh, fine. I’ll help you with you’re dumb kitten problem,” Jade’s heart fluttered a little as she watched Tori’s face lit up like a christmas tree. 

“Really?” She gleamed. “How?”

“Well, I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who would be interested in adopting tiny kittens. Especially if you go into detail about their tragic backstory and stuff. People are suckers for that kind of stuff,” Jade stated. “You could like, advertise them on The Slap and try to get them adopted before your parents come back.”

Tori chewed at her bottom lip, contemplating Jade’s suggestion.

“That’s… not a bad idea. People advertise things on The Slap all the time,” she hesitated for a moment and her face fell. “Ugh, wait. Trina follows me. If she finds out I’m hiding kittens in my closet she’ll rat me out for sure.” 

Jade closed her eyes and sighed deeply. God, she can’t believe she was about to say this.

“I guess… I could… post about the kittens on my page, or whatever,” she grimaced. Tori’s grin got so wide Jade was concerned her face was about to split in half. 

“You would do that for me?” she exclaimed. “But, your reputatio-”

“My reputation died as soon as I changed my status to ‘in a relationship with Tori Vega’,” Jade snorted. “Kittens would be nowhere near as embarrassing as you.”

Tori was beaming at her girlfriend despite the insult, chuckling lightly as she wrapped her arms around Jade’s neck and peppering her face with soft kisses before finally connecting their lips. The goth let out a content sigh in the back of her throat and attempted to deepen the kiss while pushing Tori backwards to the bed. However, Tori hummed and broke the kiss leaving Jade more than a little confused. 

“Sorry, I-” the singer stammered. “I would feel weird making out in front of…” 

Jade quirked her eyebrows up in amusement.

“In front of… the cats?” she asked, barely suppressing a laugh. Tori nodded, cheeks red with embarrassment. Jade just chuckled and rested her forehead against her girlfriend’s. 

“Jesus Christ, Tori.”

[melanielocke]

You'll be in my Heart

Alastair has been sleeping poorly, so when he's awake at night and the babies start crying, he might as well get up and sing them back to sleep.

Song is You'll be in my Heart from Tarzan

I did a lot of research into a baby's development and how to feed your child in the 1900s for this

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised

Alastair had been a poor sleeper for as long as he could remember. In between nightmares, irregular patrols and struggling to feel safe enough to asleep, it wasn’t that uncommon for him to lie awake at night, unable to go back to sleep. He’d found few remedies so far. Thomas could help him through the nightmares, but he wasn’t here tonight. Thomas had started looking for an apartment of his own, and Alastair had considered moving in with him when he found one, but he did worry it might be a bit soon in their relationship. At the very least, Thomas’ own apartment would give them some much needed privacy.

But there was one more reason Alastair would rather stay here for now. His mother had given birth a couple of weeks ago, and to everyone’s surprise she had twins. A boy and a girl. After fighting over baby names for months with Cordelia, the three of them had settled on Rostam and Shadi, choosing Persian names for the babies rather than English ones. Shadi was a sound sleeper so far, didn’t cry often. Rostam on the other hand, kept his mother awake at night. She was getting exhausted, Alastair could tell, and so he’d promised he would get up when the babies cried. Now his mother only had to wake up every three hours to feed the babies since he couldn’t do that and his mother didn’t trust any of the alternatives for breast milk.

The soft crying didn’t surprise him anymore at this point. The babies would get louder as they grew, and Alastair hoped he’d be able to take that. Loud noises were always something he’d struggled with. It was one of the reasons why he’d chosen spears as his primary weapon, it meant he could keep a bit more distance from the demons. But even if it was difficult, he’d be there. He’d always be there for his little brother and sister.

He got out of bed and to the nursery. It was Rostam, as it usually was. He was fairly certain his mother had fed the babies less than an hour ago, he’d been awake then too, so that wasn’t it. Of course, sometimes babies just needed to be held and Rostam loved the warmth and safety of Alastair’s arms.

His nightshirt was unbuttoned at the top, leaving some skin bare. His mother had told him babies like to make skin contact and that it helped with the bonding. Alastair knew he could not quite be a father, but he was the closest thing the babies would have to a father. He was determined not to disappoint, but had to admit he was scared. What if he wasn’t be enough? What if he was just like his father?

Alastair took Rostam out of the baby bed and gently rocked him. He was still crying, but he was getting softer. The way the babies cried often made him want to drop whatever he was doing and rush to them and hold them until they were alright. But what calmed the twins the most was when he sang to them.

Alastair hadn’t sung in years. He’d loved to sing and play the piano when he was a child, but at some point he’d lost that joy and playing had become too painful, too overwhelming, reminding him of the childhood he’d lost. Rostam and Shadi had brought back his love for music, and he and Thomas had written a lullaby together. Alastair truly did not understand why Thomas was so shy about the songs he wrote, they were marvelous.

Rostam did not stop crying, and Shadi had woken up as well. Alastair hoped his singing wouldn’t wake his mother, or Cordelia, but at this point it was the only thing that would help Rostam calm down.

Come stop your crying it will be alright. Just take my hand hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you. I will be here, don't you cry .

Rostam stopped crying, and stared at him with his big dark eyes. Both the babies had them, a trait they shared with Cordelia and Alastair, but with neither of their parents. Alastair had hated those eyes on himself, once. He’d wished he had blue eyes like his father, or even the light brown eyes his mother had. But now he was glad the babies looked like him and Cordelia, like their mother. They were perfect, and beautiful, and didn’t resemble their father much at all. And Alastair knew it was cruel to think such things, but he truly believed the babies were lucky their father was gone.

Even if Alastair was still struggling to come to term with the loss. Thomas was right, it was much harder to lose someone you were on bad terms with. It took his chance to find closure. Alastair knew there was no way he could have made things right with his father, there were things that could not be forgiven, but he wished he could have confronted him. He would have lashed out at his father, he would have shown him, this is what you made me. He would finally have confronted him with the damage he’d done. And now he never could.

For one so small you seem so strong. My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm. This bond between us can't be broken. I will be here don't you cry.

Rostam really was small. Alastair did not have much experience with babies, he didn’t remember Cordelia being a baby and had only seen other people’s babies in passing. He’d been surprised how small the newborns were, even if they weren’t premature. According to brother Zachariah, or Jem, as he’d been trying to call him, that was not so common for twins, and Sona was very lucky to have gotten through her pregnancy so well. Still, having the babies had been hard on her and she needed to rest as much as she could.

'Cause you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart No matter what they say You'll be here in my heart, always

‘Alastair, is that you?’

Alastair would recognize his sister’s voice anywhere. Cordelia had moved back in after coming home from Paris. She and James were separating, and the enchanted bracelet James had worn was a decent enough reason to separate without ruining her reputation. Both Cordelia and James needed time, and as far as Alastair was concerned, seventeen was far too young to be married. Not that he knew what the right age was. He would never be married, after all. It had become easier for his mother to accept that now that she knew he liked men. Before, she’d doubted his insistence, worrying that he isolated himself too much and would be unhappy, but now she knew he wasn’t alone at all, he had Thomas. He finally had friends, a partner who loved him and treated him well, and a closer bond with his family than he’d had in a long time.

‘Rostam was crying,’ Alastair said. ‘I was awake anyway.’

Cordelia came to sit down next to him, and took Shadi, who was also awake and had begun sobbing softly, out of her bed. That was the difficult thing with twins, you had to divide your attention, and although Shadi was generally quieter than her brother, she didn’t like it when he got all the attention.

‘I never thought much about having babies on my own,’ Cordelia said. ‘But we’ll probably have our hands full with these two for the coming years. ’

‘No regrets about leaving James?’ Alastair asked.

‘I loved him so much,’ Cordelia said. ‘Knowing he didn’t feel the same way. And I know now that it was because of the bracelet and everything that he was so cold. But Paris did give me some distance, some time to sort everything out. As you said, unrequited love doesn’t last forever. Besides, I think I like someone else now.’

Alastair looked at her. ‘Please, please tell me it’s not Matthew Fairchild.’

‘It’s not Matthew,’ Cordelia said, gently rocking Shadi in her arms. ‘It’s Lucie. I’m not sure exactly what’s going with her and Jesse. He’s still figuring out this whole being alive thing, and Lucie thinks maybe a friendship would be better for them than romance, especially so young.’

‘Really? Well, it would be an improvement,’ Alastair said, turning to the baby in his arms. ‘Wouldn’t it, moosh moosh-am?’

Little mouse. Alastair had taken to calling the twins that. It was what Cordelia called her sword, but it was far more fitting for the babies.

‘Don’t involve Rostam in this,’ Cordelia said.

‘He’s three weeks old. He doesn’t understand a word I’m saying,’ Alastair.

‘I’m glad to hear you singing again,’ Cordelia said, changing the subject. ‘I missed that.’

‘Me too,’ Alastair said. ‘For so long, I just couldn’t, knowing it wasn’t like it used to be. Knowing I’d be mocked for singing. But the babies should get to go to sleep with a lullaby, shouldn’t they? Thomas helped me write this one.’

‘Can you sing some more?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Thomas did write a second part, but he’s not so sure about it yet.’

Why can't they understand the way we feel They just don't trust what they can't explain. I know we're different but deep inside us We're not that different at all And you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more

‘That was beautiful. Perhaps Thomas is insecure about the second part because it also describes how he feels about you,’ Cordelia said. ‘Oh look, Shadi’s asleep again.’

‘Rostam too. Let’s put them to bed before they wake up again.’

Alastair and Cordelia put the babies back in their beds, tucking them under the blankets. In some months, they would be putting some toys and stuffed animals with them, but at three weeks they were still a bit to young. Alastair had done a lot of research about a baby’s development and apparently babies couldn’t grip anything until they were about three months.

‘Sorry I woke you up,’ Alastair said.

‘You haven’t been sleeping at all, have you?’ Cordelia asked.

‘It remains a struggle,’ Alastair said. ‘Thomas is sleeping over tomorrow night. Usually that helps me feel safe enough to sleep. I’m getting better, Layla. I’ve been speaking to brother- to Jem. I’ll be alright.’

‘You’re singing again,’ Cordelia said. ‘That’s a good sign. I’m glad to be back home. Even if the babies keep everyone up at night.’

‘They’re probably going to get worse,’ Alastair said. ‘They’re not yet old enough to scream very loud.’

‘I guess then my sleep schedule can match yours,’ Cordelia said. ‘Make sure to take enough breaks, go to Kamala or the Lightwoods when you want to. We can handle the babies.’

‘I will,’ Alastair said. ‘Good night, Layla joon.’

‘Good night, dâdâsh,’ Cordelia said. ‘If the babies wake again, I’ll go. Please get some sleep.’

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 15

(Masterpost)(Other Canary Content)

Warning: Spoilers for all 50 episodes!

This rewatch is going to fit into a single post, because a third of the episode is just crying and yelling on a very slow boat. If you want to learn the Chinese words for “Mother” and “Father” this is your episode. 

Captain Blowhard

Clan Leader Yao shows up, having barely survived the massacre of his clan, along with two disciples who aren't too excited about their unwilling promotion to top targets. Jiang Cheng tells his dad that the Wens are systematically exterminating the smaller clans, and have said anyone who helps the survivors is going to be punished. 

Jiang Fengmian tells Yao that the Jiang Clan will protect him. Which is why Wei Wuxian is responsible for the massacre of the Jiang Clan. 

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian both think that taking Yao to the Jin clan is the best way to keep him safe. Wei Wuxian was wrong to help the heirs of the powerfullest richest clans, but sure, let's save this asshole.

Road Tripping

The boys go down to the dock to send Jiang Yanli and Jiang Fengmian off, saying a formal goodbye with a bunch of disciples and showing off how extremely good they look in these close-fitted, simply cut robes with cool belts.

Yu Ziyuan comes down to say goodbye to Yanli and give her some medicine, covering by saying it's for Jiang Fengmian, because being sick is bad for marriage prospects, probably. 

Later the boys will mention their hope that YZY will be mollified by the time JFM returns, which means this possibly isn't the usual state of their relationship. The dislike and jealousy seem to be constant, but perhaps being openly at war with each other is not.

(more after the cut!)

Club Ruohan

At Club Ruohan, Wen Ruohan is tired of sitting on his big uncomfortable throne so he's sitting on the floor next to it, instead. He's suffering the embarrassing problem of black smoke leakage, and needs Wen Qing to give him acupuncture to fix it, but she's not around. Wen Ruohan has an awful lot of trouble containing resentful energy, possibly because he is controlling a bunch of zombies 24x7 instead of letting them take a break. Wei Wuxian is mostly able to control it--except when he, you know, totally isn't--without ever needing an attractive acupuncturist to give him a poke.

WRH learns from Wen Chao that Wei Wuxian 1. killed a boss-level monster on nightmare level difficulty without his sword 2. took whatever thing had been suppressing the nightmare monster for the previous really long time.  WRH wants whatever it is.

Boys in Charge

When the boys get back to Lotus Pier, Jiang Cheng doesn't understand why they couldn't all go to the Lins together, and Wei Wuxian explains it to him. Wei Wuxian is the one seeing the big picture, and he wants to plan how to handle the Wen forces when they, inevitably, arrive. 

Jiang Cheng would rather talk big than actually plan, showing how--at this age--his anger management problem is an issue on a strategic level, not just a personal one.  As a clan leader he will eventually master this aspect, for the most part, and learn to keep a cool head in regard to martial matters, while continuing to feed his interpersonal rage problem.

The brothers supervise the archery practice of the Jiang disciples, having their last nice time together, and still without a plan. Wei Wuxian is bored and calls practice early so he can go be bored on the porch or in his room, since he isn't allowed out. In fact he's so bored by lockdown that he starts an irreverent niche blog.  

(he’s kidding! keep your mask on, don’t go to wine houses)

Knowing that the Wen Clan is gunning for enemy cultivators, Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng send the whole group of disciples, including children, outside the compound walls to retrieve their kites. This is what happens when you don't have a plan.

Wen the Levee Breaks

Wen Chao’s girlfriend Wang Lingjiao finds a kite with a hole in it and uses it as a pretext to snatch up the youngest disciple. 

The other disciples come running back and tell WWX and JC what happened. Wei Wuxian calmly gets all of the information from them and starts figuring out what to do, while Jiang Cheng freaks out. 

Jiang Cheng is a good fighter, and matures into an excellent one after a core upgrade and war experience. But Wei Wuxian is a born battle leader, developing strategies on the fly and staying cool under pressure.

Madame Yu is as brave as a barrel full of bears and Yinzhu and Jinzhu chase lions down the stairs

Yu Ziyuan and the murder twins show up and all of the disciples line up behind them, relieved to have someone scary in charge.. Yu Ziyuan is also a natural leader and an awesome fighter, but her judgement is terrible, as we're about to discover. 

Bitchfest

Wang Lingjiao strolls in to the main hall and has the nerve to comment on the interior decorating, because it doesn't have enough rough-hewn black rock and lava pits, apparently.

She shows them all the kite and says that because it looks (kind of) like the sun, using it for target practice is an attack on the Wen Clan. Bitch, everything your clan wears and uses has fire on it and is red. The sun is not your emblem, no matter what the text says. This kite situation is presumably where the anti-Wen campaign gets its name of "Sunshot," however, which sounds pretty cool.

Wang Lingjiao moves along to her main point, which is that Wei Wuxian needs his ass kicked, and she'd like Yu Ziyuan to do the kicking. To goad her, she starts talking about the rumors about Wei Wuxian's parentage.

Let it Whip

So let it whip (let's whip it, baby) Get a grip (let's whip it baby) Well, what's your trip? (Oh no)

Yu Ziyuan takes the bait, and proceeds to whip the shit out of her strongest battle asset, in a sequence that's either horrifying or completely fucking awesome, depending on how you feel about whump.

There are a lot of bad effects in this show and a lot of questionable fighting, but any time Zidian flies, I am HERE for it. I gave this beatdown its own gifset over here.

Jiang Cheng is devastated and tries again and again to protect Wei Wuxian, but his mother and her lieutenants keep moving him out of the way so the beating can continue.

Yu Ziyuan hits Wei Wuxian at least 5 times, until he is totally unable to get up off the floor. Wang Lingjiao has succeeded in eliminating him as a threat for the moment.

Gotta Hand It To You

Wang Lingjiao isn't satisfied with the brutal whipping, however; she wants his right hand as a trophy, and for him to be unable to recover.  Yu Ziyuan tells Jinzhu and Yinzhu to close the doors because some blood is going to fly. 

I'd like to think this is when Yu Ziyuan decides to kill the Wens, rather than maiming WWX, but I'm not certain. Because she doesn't start attacking until after Wang Lingjiao says the Wens are taking Lotus Pier, and tells her to discipline Jiang Cheng. So maybe she is okay with taking WWX’s hand, but draws the line at giving up her house.

Through all of this, Wei Wuxian doesn't once protest, even when he thinks they're getting ready to take his hand off. He'll do whatever it takes to make peace. THIS is the core of his heroism; he will sacrifice anything to do what he thinks is right. He's not "playing the hero;" not doing this for fame or kudos, but for a clear conscience.

It’s a Murder Party

Wang Lingjiao explains the new Wen World order, and Yu Ziyuan smacks her to the floor and then takes out all 8 of the Wen soldiers in one elegant move. 

Can we talk about how incredibly effective a fighter Yu Ziyuan is, without a sword? With her first-class spiritual tool as her only weapon? Nobody is telling her she needs to carry a sword. She shows she can use one, after she gives Zidian to Jiang Cheng, but she's absolutely devastating without one.

Having defied Wang Lingjiao, Yu Ziyuan...doesn't kill her. She chokes her, slaps her and yells at her. Then she insults her clan and sticks her FOOT on her FACE.

She sics the murder twins on the guards in the room, and they shank all of them at super speed while the boys watch with alarm. 

Then she has them sloooowly advance on Wang Lingjiao, giving her plenty of time to holler for Wen Zhuliu before they can kill her.

Het Heat

Wen Zhuliu comes flying in, literally, kicking both murder twins across the room at the same time. This is followed by Core-Melting Hand x Violet Spider suddenly becoming the most shippable M/F couple in this thing, because wow, they have some serious chemistry.

I never saw a pretty girl look so tough

Actor Feng Mingjing continues to do an awful lot with almost no lines, in his portrayal of Wen Zhuliu. WZL politely apologizes to Yu Ziyuan. Is he offering to withdraw, or is he just being polite before getting down to the killy bit? Either way, Yu Ziyuan is ready to rumble, and doesn't even consider de-escalating.

You know who was able to rein in his temper, after fighting with this same extremely dangerous dude, and therefore lived to fight another day? Fucking Nie Mingjue, that's who, who has a generational CURSE making him angry. While Yu Ziyuan, is like, "fuck the safety of my clan, this is Wei Wuxian's fault anyway" and throws down.

Wen Zhuliu and Yu Ziyuan proceed to have an epic, sexy fight, where he catches her whip and she dodges his attempt to feel up her core.

He's a magic man, mama, he's got the magic hands.

Wei Wuxian, still incapacitated, tells Jiang Cheng to stop Wang Lingjiao from calling for help, but JC gets distracted by the threat to his mom, and goes to engage with Wen Zhuliu.

Jiang Cheng takes a horrifying smack in the chest, which injures him and takes him out, while Wang Lingjiao sends the signal that seals the fate of Lotus Pier.

It’s All Over Except for the Crying

Yu Ziyuan immediately sees that she's lost the battle, and has the murder twins divert Wen Zhuliu while she brings the two boys to the pier. 

She verifies that Jiang Cheng's core is still intact, showing the viewers, for future reference, that it's possible to tell by touch if someone's core is missing, although a casual touch won't do it.  

Then she re-codes the Zidian so that it recognizes Jiang Cheng and puts it on his wrist. She follows this with a display of maternal affection for Jiang Cheng unlike anything we've seen so far, which super fails to reassure him.  

She follows this up with screaming at Wei Wuxian and telling him how much she hates him, and blaming him for the multiple shitty choices she just made..  

With a heart full of rage, she reminds him that his worth lies in what he can do for more important people.

She binds the boys with Zidian and then sends the boat on its way....

...with a frickin' TALISMAN, holeee shit. As toxic as she is for Wei Wuxian, there is a direct line from her cultivation skills to his.  

Dad To The  Rescue...sort of

The last third of the episode is basically yelling and crying punctuated by a couple of interactions out on the water. The extreme emotions go on for long enough that I eventually stop feeling bad for the characters and start feeling bad for the actors, who had to maintain this level of feeling for probably days of shooting.

The boys eventually meet up with Jiang Fengmian and Jiang Yanli. JFM discovers that Zidian responds to his control, which tells him something is very, very wrong, since it probably knows how his wife feels about him.

This thing isn’t biting me; your mom is in serious trouble. 

Here Jiang Fengmian decides to do the heroic, totally futile thing, which is exactly his style. He tosses Jiang Yanli in with the boys and takes his leave so he can go die with his wife while the children survive.  

He has to know that Yu Ziyuan is the stronger fighter of the two of them, and that he's not going back to rescue her. He's just going to stand with her and die together, which is the most romantic thing you can do in a C-drama, after all.  

How Much Do You Owe the Jiang Clan?

Jiang Fengmian tells his two children not to cry, making them and the viewer cry extra hard. (specially ouchy gifset here).

Then he turns to Wei Wuxian and, with a heart full of tenderness, reminds him that his worth lies in what he can do for more important people.

Next episode: Is going to be even more horrible! 

Soundtrack: 1. When The Levee Breaks, Led Zeppelin 2. The Tale of Custard the Dragon (poem) by Ogden Nash 3. Let it Whip by the Dazz Band 4. U Got the Look by Prince & Sheena Easton 5. Magic Man by Heart