#app member

[eddis-not-eeddis]

How To Stop Killing Conversations

Talking is hard. People are confusing. Making friends is difficult, and interacting with coworkers is tortuous.

You want to make friends, you want to reach out, but it's hard and every time you start a conversation it dies, or limps along until both you and the person you're talking to are looking for excuses to kill it and put it out of it's misery so you can both escape the increasingly awkward situation.

As an introvert who has suffered a lot of social anxiety in my time, let me share a few tricks I've learned over the years going through hundreds and thousands of excruciatingly painful conversations until I found something that works. I've kind of distilled the process.

ALWAYS ASK A QUESTION!!!

The first thing is to always leave your partner an opening. You need to let each other talk for a conversation to get off the ground, but it's more than that, really. You need to actively encourage each other to talk. The best way to do that is to ask questions.

Here are two examples of an introduction: Example A

You: Hello.

Them: Hello.

You: Nice to meet you.

Them: Nice to meet you too.

Example B

Y: Hello, nice to meet you, how are you? T: I’m doing well, yourself?

Y: I've been really well. How are you liking the weather?

T: I'm so happy the weather's finally getting cooler, I'm looking forward to pumpkin spice season. Do you like lattes?

Do you see how in Example A the conversation wasn’t going anywhere? It just kinda died, because there weren’t any openings for new topics, whereas in Example B, there were openings to keep the conversation going.

But what do you do if your conversation partner is as socially inept as you were two minutes ago and doesn't play along? All is not lost.

Example C

Y: Hello, so nice to meet you, how have you been doing?

T: I'm doing well.

Y: That's great, are you enjoying the nice weather, then?

T: Yeah. I'm glad it's finally fall, I'm looking forward to pumpkin spice lattes.

Y: I love pumpkin spice lattes! Pumpkin spice anything, really. I recently got the best pumpkin spice candle at the shop down the road, have you been there?

Even if they don't leave you an opening, you can usually make one. It may be difficult, especially when they don't give you much to work with. This is where having a go-to script is a life-saver--me, I always default to talking about the weather, so when in doubt, you can do that.* The important thing right now is to keep fostering the conversation, so once you bring up the weather, segue into a question. When they answer the question, make a brief comment or observation from your own experience and build off of that comment or observation to ask another question.

"But I don't want to make it about me. Doing that's bad, right?"

This is why that questions are important. If you haven't been asked a question, you kinda have to make it about you, you don't have a choice. But to keep from being an attention hog, follow up your shared experience or anecdote with another question.

Example D

T: I love pumpkin spice lattes

Y: Me too. I had the best pumpkin spice latte the other day at the cafe down the road, have you ever been there?

Now you've circled the conversation back around to them again, and you aren't taking the limelight. Sharing an experience is so important, you're trying to show that you understand, that you sympathize, that you relate.**

This really is the most important element of being a good conversationalist. You have to keep asking questions.

The one other thing I will touch on is introductions. DO NOT get into turn based combat.

Example E

Y: Hello

T: Hello

Y: Nice to meet you

T: Nice to meet you too.

Y: How are you doing?

T: I'm fine. You?

Y: Me too.

This will kill any possibility of continuing a conversation. Instead, get it all out of the way all at once, if at all possible.

Example F

Y: Hi, it's nice to meet you, how are you doing?

This is good, but this is better

Example G

Y: Hi, nice to meet you, how are you liking the weather?

Don't ask how they are doing, or if you do, before they can answer, follow it up with your placeholder (weather etc.) so they have to say some thing like

Example H

T: I'm fine, and I'm really liking the weather.

or

T: Not so great, the weather sucks.

Either of those options are much easier to work with than your basic "I'm fine."

Usually, if you can get past the introduction, you can get a conversation going. And then, even if you don't end up hitting it off with the person you're talking with, you at least don't leave the conversation feeling like you've died a thousand tiny deaths.

In fact, if you get past that introduction, you may have just made yourself a friend.

Remember folks, basically everyone around you is more afraid of you than you are of them, and in this benighted age no one has been taught conversation skills, so we are all pretty much in the same boat. (Unless you were born an extrovert, in which case we are all deeply envious and would probably kill you if we didn't need you in our sad and lonely lives so much.)

Have grace for one another, and for yourselves because talking with people is difficult.

Go forth, and stop killing conversations.

*If you are one of those awful people who likes to brag about how you hate small talk and only want to talk about important and meaningful things, I have one question: Do you ever have a conversation that lasts long enough to become meaningful? I thought not. Small talk is an important skill. Develop it.

**This is how you deal with sad or difficult situations too. When you want to show you sympathize with someone going through a hard time.

Example:

Y: How are you doing?

T: Not very well. My dog died last week.

Y: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. My own dog died last year and I still miss her a lot. How are you handling it?

Now you've circled the conversation back around to them again. You aren't making it about you.

If y'all want, next time I can share how to extricate yourself from a conversation.

[muffinsbasket]

[guesswhoisofftheirmedsagain]

I was thinking about my Rock Star Kon AU while writing this, but it ended up not specifically relating to that, so this could be read as a part of that AU or as completely stand alone. :] (this one def reads more like a short fic than anything tbh, apologies for bad writing ahead)

How Kon finds out Tim’s secret identity:

He goes to Tim’s apartment planing on surprising him, to officially ask him to be his boyfriend, and to apologize. They had a bit of an argument about what they were to each other. (It was all just a misunderstanding). Kon invites himself in, walking over to where he knows Tim’s room is, only to see clothes on the floor. Kon’s heart almost stops, he feels like he zeroed in on the clothes, his other senses leaving him. He follows the trail, anger rising when his suspicions become confirmed, that the trail led to Tim’s bedroom. He heard the shower running as he opened the cracked door to see into the room, a figure was laying in the bed. The only light in the room was streaming in from the attached bathroom. Kon knew he shouldn’t be, but he was mad, he had just started opening up to Tim, then he goes and sleeps with someone? The color scheme of the unusually thick looking clothes, and now that he thought about the various pieces of armor, the multitude of weapons carelessly abandoned, a mask set on the nightstand. A vigilante? Tim went and slept with a vigilante?

A tuff of black hair poked out from under the blankets. “Tim?” Kon’s voice was flat, an attempt to hide the hurt he was feeling. Tim shot up from the bed, the blanket falling down his chest. He was shirtless, Kon studied him but didn’t see any marks. “So which one, huh?” Kon didn’t have the looks of the vigilantes of Gotham memorize for Rao sake. “Nightwing? Batman?” His anger grew, he felt so, so betrayed. It’s his own fault, he got to attached. Lex warned him about this, that he wouldn’t find real love, but Kon had been too stubborn to see it.

“What?” The genuine confusion on Tim’s face, in his voice, only fueled Kon. “Where is he?” Kon started going for the bathroom door. “Is he in here?” He was- he didn’t even know what he was going to do with this guy, for sleeping with Tim, Tim was his. But he wasn’t, you never made it official. He pushed down that little voice, he didn’t want to hear logic right now. “Kon, what are you talking about-“ His voice was groggy, as if he just woke up. The question made him turn around to look at him. Against his need to beat up this Gotham vigilante, he flew over to the, now what is clearly, a vigilante suit. He grabbed it, and threw the shirt piece at Tim, who caught it. A look of understanding took over Tim’s face. “Kon, I swear, I wanted to tell you, I always meant to tell you eventually that”

“Tell me? Eventually?” Kon’s brain almost shorted out, was Tim dating this guy all along? Was Kon the second dude? Is this what being a side chick feels like? Really, what did he expect, Tim is good looking, rich, smart, funny and all around amazing, of course he’s out of Kon’s league. Vigilantes are cool, mysterious, strong, and save the day, is that what Tim liked? “Yes, if things kept going the way they were, I would have to tell you that-“

“I can’t believe you’re sleeping with a vigilante. Have you just- just been-“ Tim’s laughter cut him off, and Kon’s confusion overtook his anger for a moment. “Why are you laughing at me? Do you find this funny?!” Kon stormed over to the bathroom door, slamming it open. “Kon wait- I!” Tim choked on air as he called for Kon. Kon didn’t stop this time, pulling back the curtain to the shower finding, nothing? Kon immediately focused on his hearing, but was only able to pin point two heart beats in the whole apartment. “Where did he go, Tim!” He started looking around the room, not finding anyone, did this dude run out bare naked? How did he get out? Was Kon that distracted?

“Kon, Kon please there, there is nobody to find.” Tim’s laughter started dying down, little by little. “I swear, there never was anyone else here.” Kon narrowed his eyes at Tim, not buying it. “So? You just have a random vigilante suit laying around on your floor?” Tim looked him in the eyes, mixed emotions in them, amusement, nervousness, fear. “I am the vigilante.”

Kon’s brain skidded to a stop. What? The words echoed in his mind, turning them over, trying to find out how he could have misheard Tim. ‘Tell you eventually’ that what? Tim was a vigilante? Oh Rao, Tim is a vigilante. Kon approached Tims bed, hesitated only for a moment, then grabbed Tim by his shoulders. They were so close, Kon could see the pupils of Tims eyes, even in the dark. “So you’re not sleeping with someone then?” Relief filled Kon as Tim shook his head no. “No, Kon, I’m not sleeping with anyone, vigilante or otherwise.”

After Tim finally takes his shower, glad to get all of the grime from patrolling off of him, he and Kon have a serious conversation about what they mean to each other. By the next hour, they are officially dating, and Tim dreads having to tell Batman that Kon found out his identity. He dreads even more having to tell his family he actually has a boyfriend now, and prays to a god he doesn’t even believe in that they don’t get out the kryptonite.

[just-french-me-up]

fandom is just so fun and incredibly sweet as a concept cause!!!!!!

you like that thing so much you want to make more!!!!

you want to share the things it wrought out of you with others!!!!!

it moved you to create and talk and interact!!!!!!

it made you want to partake in the divine act of creation out of love!!!!

[kad00dle]

2 chapters into TTYD and it's already one of my fave games from last year

some character sketches of current party members

[driftwooddestiel]

okay photos app so there’s a few issues here 1. i don’t know him. he is not a contact 2. i don’t think he wants to see that

[wikagirl]

*shaking the dutch language by the neck* when het instead of de??? tell me!!!

edit: hey uuuhh this was just supposed to be a little haha funny vent post bc I got frustrated in the moment but everyone in the comments and reblog has been so nice about it and tried to help me?? 😭 thank you guys so much I honestly didn‘t expect this you are too kind

[millidew]

you know how both the server and profile icons are matching circles while images and server folders are rounded squares, keeping server icons circular inside the folder, and how they're all balanced in size without adding random new shapes? just fuck it all up in the next automatic update for me thanks

[feelbokkie]

please tell me you reported those accounts oh my fucking god i woke up 5 fucking minutes ago i don't need to see that—

bestie i would have to report the whole damn app (but i did block them)

[observethewalrus]

PLEASE DO NOT GIFT ME BADGES

Tumblr is getting rid of avatars and no longer showing where a reblog comes from in post headers to “afford more room for badges.”

I always felt kinda bad when I was gifted badges and then didn’t use them, cuz people spent actual money on them. So I’m asking, please do not gift me badges, or any other tumblr merch for that matter.

I threw them a bone last year and paid for the ad-free because the ads and blazed softcore porn on the app were infuriating, but I’m canceling it. They’re not getting anything from me anymore. I’ll have to switch back to using the Firefox mobile browser. Hopefully the new dash un-fuckers that are going around will work on mobile.

[not-poignant]

Why did the Patreon tiers go up so high in price? I really want to contribute and become a member but I can’t afford the $25 per month. I think last month it was $17?

I haven't changed my prices, anon.

However, if you or anyone signed up through the Apple store (i.e. you downloaded Patreon and signed up through the app), Apple has added a 30% commission that they're now taking/skimming on top of the creator's cost.

Patreon has sent out a couple of emails about this to people over the last 6+ months to warn them that this increase was coming. But they might have gone to spam.

The best way to get past this is:

To either cancel + sign up through a browser, OR, cancel and sign up through Safari on your phone (by bringing up Patreon on Safari or a browser). If I go to Patreon on my browser right now, I still see exactly the same prices. If I look on the Patreon app that was downloaded via the iOS app store, the 30% has been added. I get no choice in this, Patreon has been trying to put it off for as long as possible, this is just...what Apple does.

You will only get charged that 30% if you sign up to Patreon through the Patreon app via the app store, you can still sign up on an Apple phone as long as you don't use the Patreon app to do so. And! You can still download and use the Patreon app after that, just make sure you sign up on a browser first. This applies to all future creators of any kind that you or anyone else wants to support. Don't use the Patreon app to sign up for things.

It's really shitty that Apple has done this (and it's done it all creators, so anyone reading this who uses the Patreon app on iPhone, this applies to everyone you support.)

Also this 30% fee applies to anything you do on the app store - so many things cost more there than than through browsers, because Apple skims a huge amount off the top. (This is also something Dropout and other organisations have talked about too).

[summersarch]

🎀 𓈒ㅤ sunoo  ۫  ddc ᵎᵎ

︶︶⠀⠀⠀  ۫  ⠀⠀⠀⠀︶︶︶︶⠀   ◌ ⠀⠀⠀⠀︶︶

Estou voltando a ativa aos poucos 🙏🏻 caso forem usar n esqueçam os créditos por favor

[taehyungfirst]

https://www.tumblr.com/reflections-in-a-critical-eye/758008780403408896/i-guess-ays-wont-get-a-1010-score-from-me-i?source=share

Profound mental illness.

I'm so glad they're miserable lmao.

Imagine being so detached from reality that you call someone you don’t know an “attention whore”, I really need the universe to take all the pain from Taehyung and give it back triplicated to jikookers.

At this point I don’t know if I want them to show Tae because all the discourse is just not worth it and people can say whatever they want, but the one who always gets dragged the worst is him and people barely defend him.

[la-galaxie-langblr]

the cover shift system hates to see me coming (I look out for those notifications like a hawk and I've been rewarded w 10 total hours this week when I only have 2 guaranteed hours 🔥🔥🔥)

[sourscratched]

requested by @incorrect-play-it-by-ear: compilation of all the play it by ear end credit moments in season 2; many little dances and bops to be had

[triglycercule]

chat am i chronically online and event-less enough to scroll through ALL of calvateyla's twitter just to scavenge for more dust. am i,,,,,,,,, do i have the time,,,,,,,,,,,