#apology fic lmaođ
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would you guys forgive me for me literally not being active for 5 days if i post something smutty and juicy with these sexy men?đ
(I saw an edit with both of them and thought âyeah, this is gonna go so well.â LMAO, Idk if i can do if itâs gonna be a thirst or drabble, but they will be separate!!)
Anyway hereâs the edit if yaâll were curiousđ
#⚠࣪ đđĄđđ¨.đŤđđŚđđĽđđŹáŻâ
#both at the same timeđâźď¸#i seem to have a type here#apology fic lmaođ#i have no idea what im doin with my life#i should be sleeping but damn here i am#its like almost 11 pm from where im atđ#sergio marquina#javier peĂąa#money heist#la casa de papel#narcos#alvaro morte#pedro pascal
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thatâs his son, I have proofâ
the proof:

#sab speaks#I apologize#lmao#BUT I LOVE THIS SO MUCH??#they are so cute đ#I canât wait to write my yuji fic
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HIIII I need something to read to get my mind off of things
what are good ut au reader insert fics that you would recommend? It can be anything from anti harems and reverse harems ( I noticed that all my fics are usually reverse/anti harems) to multiverse fics
(Side note i am fine with angst but the fics has to have a happy ending or just fairing well) i read the fic one cigarette at a time and i cried :) also a fic where sans dumps us and goes to mcs sister :) it was my fault for not reading the tags and ignoring the warnings
but overall i read anything :)
(Sorry for rambling đ
)
Helloooo! I love to ramble too, so no worries!!
I have a bunch of fics linked under #fic recs which is a Lot of Fics which I enjoy a ton and spent a ton of time putting together, so I should probably point you in that direction first BUT if you go through that and want More (or if you've already looked there) then like. gimme a day or 2 and I can put together Even More because I KNOW I have more but I gotta cross reference which I have and haven't listed rhfkfbrkfnfk,,,,,
So, yknow. if you want some fics to bite into while iI try whip up another list, go take a look there first! And if not, I'll (try) drop another selection soonish :]!!
#fic recs#i dont. have any new recs i think shfjfbdkdbdk I've not been keeping up w new fics for a couple months đđ#ahjfbdks ive been reading almost exclusively tf fics recently LMAO#... WAIT ur comment abt one cig at a time. does it not have a happy ending đ#i havent caught up w it yet LMAO but eyes emoji#i love me angst with or without a happy ending jldbhkuhdhukd#also i GETCHU re: not readin the tags#i just jump in and go HIT ME I CAN TAKE IT#and most ofnthe time i can except for the times when i get smacked around by the clearly labelled 'major character death' tag jdhbskudjbhj#inbox#velwy.txt#anyway thank u for the ask and apologies i dont hv any fics on hand to rec sjubhufjd but i wanted to reply before this got lost in my inbox#or drafts. probably drafts.
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working on cv/sm (timeloop!fic) ch02 and just realized
that I forgot to update the tags post-ch236
#đđ#anyway yea that was it that was the post#subconscious gojo!cope lmao#a bitch rly jinxed us all by putting this tag on this fic#I apologize
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wow. hi.
#i didn't mean to disappear like that i'm so sorry#as an apology i promise to publish wonwoo dokyeom jun and hao fics this week.#i've only started on 3/4 of those but it's okay#i've js been really busy and also js overwhelmed đ#i'm a true i and social interactions drain me out sm (it doesn't matter if it's in person or online)#also js super overwhelmed by all the support on my writings lmao#but that being said pls don't be offended if i'm super slow or don't respond to dms/asks or tags because it stresses me out sm#i'll try my best to get to all of them tho đ#anyway I MISSED THISSSS#hannyoontify.misc
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no questions askedâ jjk

Jeon jungkook wants nothing more than to get settled with his girlfriend, but what if her fear of commitment makes him take a step back? Will he do it, or will he be able to changer her mind for good?
pairing : Jungkook X reader
genre : established relationship, smut, fluff
word count : 6.6k (im begging for forgiveness)
Based on this ask <33
warnings : nsfw, strong language, mature, oc is an anxious girly (same), mentions of emotionally unavailable parents, jungkook is a man of dreams, simp boyfriend jungkook, car sex, unprotected sex (be safe), begging, reference of titanic if you squint, yeah that's pretty much it.
a/n : this took million business days lmao but finally it's here. the sweetest anon requested a drabble but i couldn't do it and as much as i tried to make it shorter, it got stretched to 6k words đ so im deeply sorry anon. the rest of you who enjoy longer fics, dig in. I love you guys so much, you might not know this but yall are my besties for resties. kisses. đ
Ëŕ¨ďż˝ďż˝â・Ë
Your boyfriend is going to propose to you.
Oh god
Oh. my. God.
Anxiety is not a foreign feeling for you. Although this time, itâs an indescribable sort. Something which is lingering in the deepest pit of your stomach for a lack of better word. Besides, thereâs a mayhem inside your head, the voices are loud and intimidating, causing you to bite your lip to a point where they bleed while also staring at nothing.Â
Jungkook has been nothing but secretiveâ the poor boy has no idea that you have already seen the navy blue box sitting inside his side of the drawer. You can swear it was totally unintentional.
In your defense, you had been searching for your glasses and that was the only place left to fish around. Nobody could have prepared you for the utter shock when your eyes fell on that box and so for a minute or two you just stood there, horrifyingly still and stunned. However, you recovered quickly, because to be quite honest it was about time one of you mustered up enough courage to ask the question.
Itâs supposed to make you thrilled right? So why does something feel⌠off?Â
âPenny for your thoughts?â, as soon as Cherryâs voice reaches your ears, you snap out of it and flash her a forced smile.Â
âYeah-â you begin, âYeah uh- Iâm just thinking about nothing in particular.âÂ
â_____ youâre an amazing girl but you gotta work on those lying skills.â
A chuckle leaves your mouth. You shouldnât even have bothered in the first place, the girl can read you like a book.Â
âWhatâs going on in that pretty head of yours huh?âÂ
She picks up the book before scanning it with the barcode scanner all the while you marvel if you should tell her or just let it go, but then you also know how she would become a pain in the ass if you donât spill the beans to her. Anyway, she can;t make you overthink it any more than you already have.Â
You bite your lower lip before saying, âI feel like Jungkook is going to propose.âÂ
If looks alone could kill, you would have been buried deep by now with the way the man wearing an olive green cardigan, probably in his 50s, gives you side eye when Cherry drops the book with a loud thud on the counter.Â
You wince.
âIâm sorry what?âÂ
When you subtly signal her to pick what sheâs dropped, she takes a hold of the book, apologizes to the man whoâ youâre hundred percent sure hates your guts now, and resumes her work.Â
âThis is why I didnât want to tell you.â
âHa! Girl you better start telling me more or none of us are going home today.â
Sheâs talking to you but her hands keep shuffling between scanning the books and expeditiously typing on the keyboard.
A spark of hesitation finds a way inside your heart. The thing is, youâre not sure. Do you want to marry the love of your life? Absolutely. Do you think you can keep the marriage going and stable? No.Â
There you said it.
And that kills you because jeopardising your bond and connection with Jungkook is the last thing you want to do.
Maybe, itâs because nobody in your family has been able to keep their inner spark alive after they had gotten married or you might as well blame it on the relationship your own parents have had before your eyes.Â
For everyone who couldnât see past the walls of your house, your parents were an ideal couple. A pair who were equally efficient and successful in their respective areas of life. With your father being a renowned businessman and your mother holding the title of a world famous fashion designer, they couldnât have been a better partner for each other, right?
Wrong. Too bad you had the honor of being an onlooker of their facade slipping away before getting replaced by their real impudent selves.Â
But thatâs all you could do though. You were merely just an audience. Someone who could see everything shatter before her eyes and not do a single thing to put an end to it.Â
Constant fights, fuming with jealousy over one of them achieving more than the other, sabotaging each other.
All hell broke loose when they began making you take sides.Â
You think mommy is better donât you, honey?
You should be proud of your dad, ____. Youâre living such a luxurious life thanks to me.Â
For the love of god you were five. What does a five year old know about luxury or human ego? What could you have possibly known about who is better? In your eyes, they were your mom and dad and not some squish mellows placed side by side from which you had to take your pick. Letâs not even start with the emotional unavailability they provided you with.
A knot lodges in your throat and you struggle to get the words out. âI happen to see the box inside his drawerâ
âYouâre sure it had a ring inside- Wait, don't answer thatâ, she shakes her head as if she just asked the most ridiculous question ever.
No shit.
âBut thatâs a good thing right? I mean you guys have been seeing each other for a while now and marriage is the final stop.â she continues and you canât help but feel terrible, because she is making sense.Â
A sigh leaves you, âYeah no- I mean yeah it is but I didnât expect him to take the initiative so suddenly. No hints were dropped at all. Marriage is, gosh, I canât believe Iâm saying this but it seems intimidating to me.âÂ
The queue has finally dissipated at this point so she faces you fully showcasing her engrossment in your dilemma. The girl feeds off drama but refuses to get involved in one.
Her expression morphs into something between horrified and sympathetic. â_____, is that because of your parents?âÂ
Your heart skips a beat. This whole time you and only you had authority over this thought that your fear of marriage is deeply rooted in your own parentsâ fucked up relationship. A belief that lay sly and unseen.
Only after those words left Cherryâs mouth did you realise how venomous they sound. It makes you aware that the fear was not as concealed as you intended to keep it. What are you supposed to do when you find out that somebody else knows about your deepest terrors? Run? Hide? Or simply not say anything?Â
Your mouth feels suddenly dry. âWhat?âÂ
Cherry takes a hold of your palm and rubs it gently, âIf it is, I want you to know that itâs not the case for everyone. Marriage is a beautiful concept, a lovely commitment. Are there some pitfalls to it? Yes. But thatâs the beauty of it. The way two people come together and resolve them-â
Your phone buzzes inside your pocket causing you to flinch. Releasing your hands from her hold, you take it out and see your grandmotherâs number stare up at you.Â
âIâll just be back.â you excuse yourself just as a woman places a stack of books on the counter.
Ëŕ¨ŕ§â・Ë
âHey, beautifulâ you greet her, a smile lighting up your entire face.
âMy baby, did I catch you at the wrong time?â her voice is like a balm to your heart. So warm and comforting. It reminds you of your movie nights with her where you didnât have to be anything or pretend. You just had to exist and she made it worth it. Always.Â
âNow you know even the devil himself canât stop me from talking to you.âÂ
A loud chortle reaches your ears and you imagine her throwing her head back, laughing.Â
âI was calling to ask if you and your eye candy of a boyfriend are visiting home this year for thanksgiving, dear?âÂ
Dear lord, you canât believe you forgot about that.
Your eyes widen, and just when you think you could bubble up some other lie, she speaks up, âYou forgot, didnât you?âÂ
Yeah, bold of you to assume you can do that and get away. You actually need to work on your lying skills. For whatever reason. You want to pluck your eyelashes out one by one because of how gloomy she sounds.
âIâm genuinely sorry, grams.â pinching the bridge of your nose you continue, âIâve just been busy with work and barely making ends meet. I promise this is the first and last time I let it slip my mind.âÂ
With the job you have, thereâs only so much cash you can count and while you would love to make a career out of writing, the thought of publishing your own book sends shivers down your spine.
Every time you open the draft a new mistake pops up, taking a percentage of your self confidence down the drain. Youâre only human. A microscopic slip catches your attention and you start questioning your life choices.Â
âHoney, come home and give yourself some time off, what do you youngsters like to call it? Oh yes, grind. Yeah?âÂ
Itâs your turn to laugh. âWow someone has been too into love island lately.â
Cherry raises her eyebrows from across the room and you mouth her the word âgrandmaâ. She nods with a smile on her face, going back to work.Â
A long stretch of silence hangs in the air before you hear her ask, â_____, what else is wrong?âÂ
The smile which has been adorning your face this whole time instantly drops. You blink.
Once
Twice
ThriceÂ
âI donât understand.â Liar.
âYou know what I mean, baby. I want you to tell me more, because I know something has been bothering you. What is it?â
Humans are so funny sometimes. They can be as close to you as your own soul and not have a hint of your torment. Meanwhile, there is your grandmother, who despite being so far away from you justâŚ.. knew. But again, it has always been like this hasnât it?Â
Whenever you got tired of your parents throwing stuff around the house, making each other lick the floors, trying to make their own and your life a living hell, she knew.Â
She was the one who allowed you to cry, and assured you that she would not call you dramatic if she happened to hear your sobs.
You were allowed to cry,
You were allowed to ask for help,
You were allowed to not hold back.
Sucking in a deep breath, you release it, âEverything else is perfect, grams.â
Mr William is always the first person to greet you everyday when you reach the apartment. Heâs been working as a guard for years now and youâve grown quite familiar with him. While being the sweetest man youâve ever come across, he also brings his wifeâs yummiest tarts for you whenever she makes them. Arguably, they deserve more hype than they get.
âShe knows how much you love her tartsâ he says, making you feel immense gratitude towards his kindness.Â
This particular night, he seemsâŚ. restless. Heâs shifting from one foot to another as you shut the cabâs door behind you. Striding over to him, you mentally try your best to figure out his uneasiness.Â
Clearing your throat, your throat as you ask, âIs everything alright, Mr William?âÂ
Only after he hears your voice, he gains his composure. Or so he tries.Â
He hands you a piece of paper which feels a bit wet and you wonder what could have been so intense that the man began having clammy palms.
Itâs nearly concerning, not to mention it doesnât help with your own anxiety at all. If not, shoot it up.Â
âYour boyfriend dropped by around lunch time, miss. He handed me this and asked me to give it to you as soon as you come back from work.â
He couldnât have given it to you yesterday when he was with you in the first place? Weird.
âI see, but why are you so tense? Has something happened?âÂ
He pinches the bridge of his nose. âMy wife has been sick and I was supposed to leave early but I figured it would be better if I gave it to you safely before going home to her.âÂ
Fuck
âYou could have given this to me later. Your wife comes first, sir.â you gulp, âPlease, I appreciate your gesture but she needs you more. Thank you so much and please let me know if I can be of help.â
He releases an empty chuckle. âThank you, MissâÂ
With one last nod you walk inside the building while also hoping he doesnât call you for help. Not because you wonât do anything it takes to help him, but because you hope it wouldnât come to it. The moment you shut the apartment door behind and turn on the light, the piece of paper steals your attention. Without waiting any further, you unfold it, coming across Jungkookâs writing.Â

The note alone feels like he whispered it into your ear before placing the softest kiss on your skin. Your lips stretch into a serene smile as you stride over to the bedroom, turning the doorknob as your gaze catches a purple bodycon resting on top of your bed. It is accompanied with a bouquet of pink tulips as well as a bar of Dubai chocolate.Â
Your head that has been nothing short of a commotion is now finally at peace. Not entirely but at peace nonetheless.
Ëŕ¨ŕ§â・Ë
Jungkook was 12 when he went on his first roller coaster ride. He was, like every other child, afraid. Afraid that he might fall and hurt himself so bad, he wouldnât ever be able to get up. The roller coaster had a massive drop followed by a corkscrew which took him upside down. Until the moment Jungkook saw a woman in yellow dress buying a bunch of tulips from the flower shop he very often visited, he had never felt his stomach bottom out as strongly as it did during that drop back then.
There she was, chatting with the florist as if theyâre best friends. He could see her behind the glass picking out the pink tulips before sniffing them. Meanwhile, Jungkook stood across the road, soaked and enchanted as he wondered if he should ask for her number or chicken out. Eventually, the latter won.Â
But hereâs the thing, Jungkook is not one for losing. He hates losing, even the term makes him want to peel his own skin off.Â
He saw her hair first, becoming curly locks reaching down to her waist and just above her hips. Granted that his line of sight only allowed him to see her side profile, he assumed she was gorgeous. It was not unlikely for him to see beautiful women on a daily basis, but something about her just sucked him in. His eyes could not leave her face and he believed even if they tried, he would pluck them out just to punish them. Was it weird that his hands itched to hold a woman he doesnât even know?Â
Whatâs her name?
Where does she live?
Whatâs her favorite color?
How does she like her coffee?
Thereâs a japanese phrase called koi no yokan which means that you eventually will fall in love with a person you meet. Youâre going to grow so fond of that person that you would want to see no one by your side but them. She was that person for him.Â
He rubs his hands for the nth time in a futile attempt to warm them up, waiting outside ____âs building. How is this evening going so slow? He has been here for perhaps half an hour now, so why does it feel like itâs been a decade?Â
And funnily enough, the only person who can put him out of his misery is _____. At this point, the guy fears he wouldnât be able to so much as look her in the eye, but not doing that will be the end of him too.
He looks down and lets his hands run over his black button down shirt, wondering if she would like it. She loved seeing him in black on the first date. A loud click clack of heels grab his attention, perking his ears up. He looked up and there she was in all her glory.Â
Jungkook releases a breath and rubs his chest as if his heart hurts. As if itâs telling him how unworthy he is of this woman who is walking up to him, who may be as nervous as him but still chose him as her man.Â
The woman who could have anyone she wanted wrapped around her pinky finger gave her days, nights and evenings to him. She smiled at him, for him and if he was lucky, because of him.
_____ stops before him while heâs still adjusting to the sight of her. âHow do I look?âÂ
Unreal, exquisite and way out of his league.
He shakes his head from side to side, thinking of a single word that would suffice the answer to that. He fails and so instead he runs his fingers down her forearm until he reaches her soft hands and takes it into his own cold ones.Â
Placing a chaste kiss on her knuckles, he begins. âMy imagination of you in this dress has got nothing on this vision.âÂ
Her face morphs into the softest expression of love, âAnd exactly how many times have you imagined me in this dress, Jeon Jungkook?âÂ
He takes a step forward, his chest almost touching hers. âI canât answer that. You want to know why?âÂ
âWhy?â Her voice is emotionless. His thumb grazes her lower lip as he tries not to smudge her nude lipstick. âBecause if I do, weâll have to go back into your apartment and try not to wake your neighbours up.â She swats his chest and softly pushes him back, dissolving into a giggle.Â
âYouâre looking quite handsome yourself.â she says as her eyes shamelessly check him out. His sleeves are halfway folded stopping just below his elbow, beautifying his tattooed forearms.
Heâs also wearing his favorite blue baggy jeans with his usual black chunky boots. The same ones he goes for when he knows _____ might not be able to bear the pain caused by her heels, so he ends up swapping them with the boots.
He would argue carrying her all the way to her apartment instead, but settles elseways.Â
Jungkook opens the car door for her and only after sheâs well seated, he runs to his side and takes off.Â
The ride to the restaurant is quiet despite the obvious tension that doesn't go unnoticed by either him or her. As much as he would like to spend the rest of the night snuggled into bed with her, he knows there is something more significant than that. So instead he indulges in caressing her thigh.Â
âAfter you, angel.â He places a hand on the small of her back.Â
Ëŕ¨ŕ§â・Ë
The ambience looks straight out of the movies. Like a paradise. Violinists are playing a chorus of Fuck her gently by Tenacious D far across the room.Â
Jungkook catches an unknown look on her face. âSomethingâs wrong?âÂ
She shakes her head, flashing him a smile. âI love this song.â
He places a tiny kiss on her temple. âI know, baby. Câmon.âÂ
You know how women have this killer instinct of knowing if and when somebodyâs watching them? Itâs like they have a separate pair of googly eyes on the back of their head to protect them from creeps.Â
From the moment you have entered the place, the man in the wine shirt has been making a hole in your face with the way heâs been staring at you.Â
Is your dress too revealing? Are you showing too much skin?
âOh I forgot to tell you. Your grandmother called earlier today.â Jungkook disrupts your thoughts.Â
You gulp down the last piece of steak before answering. âLet me guess she asked you to join her for thanksgiving?â He nods, a bright smile on his face. âI told her I would love to.âÂ
A cheeky smile unfurls slowly on your face. Jungkook loves your grandmother. Maybe a little bit more than you do. Just a tiny bit though. Last year when you and he visited her, he was the first person apart from you to get a hug out of her.
Your grandma is not much of a hugger by the way. Her hugs are totally exclusive.Â
âIâm sure she loves having my âeye candy of a boyfriendâ there.âÂ
Jungkook snorts, placing his fork down. âShe called me an eye candy?âÂ
He dissolves into a fit of laughter when you answer his question with a nod.Â
âSee now thatâs the biggest achievement I have had in a while. I mean what are the odds your wifeâs grandma calls your an eye candy-â
Something sours in your stomach. The steak here tastes awful or maybe itâs just you feeling pathetic that as soon as he says âwifeâ your expression morphs into something so dreadful that it causes him to stop. What are the odds that you just gave him a reality check and dragged him out of a foolâs paradise?
âAngel, whatâs-âÂ
You stand abruptly, cutting him off yet again. His eyes bob all over you, and then a sad frown puckers between his brows.Â
âIâll just be back. I need to use the washroom.â You say as you grab your handbag as quickly as you can before leaving him there. Confused and wondering what the fuck just happened?
Few minutes later, just as youâre walking outside the washroom and making a way towards your table someoneâs voice causes you to stop midway.Â
âExcuse me.âÂ
Turning to face the person, you come face to face with the same man from earlier. The one wearing a wine colored shirt along with a nasty expression. You believe heâs trying to look cocky but is failing miserably.
âCan I help you?âÂ
A slow smile spreads over his mouth. âI couldnât help but notice that the man youâre here with seems to upset you in some way.â
An awkward chuckle leaves you. âThe man is my boyfriend and I donât think it concerns you if heâs upsetting me or not.âÂ
He walks a little closer. Oh no, this is bad.Â
âFair enough,â he shrugs, âBut clearly heâs not being a good boyfriend, is he?âÂ
The audacity of this man.
You huff out a frustrated breath, âListen, you need to shut up and stay within your limits. Itâs not healthy going around poking your nose into everyoneâs business.âÂ
His sly smile grows even more as he steps closer than before.Â
The hair on your body stands up, and not in a good way, but in a very uncomfortable way. You suddenly regret the idea of leaving Jungkookâs side. Bad, bad decision.Â
Currently, you have two options. You can either just walk off and act like nothing happened, which by the way, is a safe option or you can kick the man in the balls and then act like nothing happened.
Since you're much more accustomed to the former option, you decide to do just that but when his hands grip your wrist with an iron grip, you settle on the latter.Â
You knee him between the legs with an intention to hurt him as he grunts in pain, his hands gripping where you just kicked him.Â
âYou fucking bitch.âÂ
Before he can say anything further, you storm off. Your phone buzzes inside your handbag and you automatically assume it to be Jungkookâs call. As soon as you spot him across the room, you feel the clouds parting, thereâs a feeling threatening to arise. Itâs something between protected and anguished.Â
Anguished because you let your mind speak so deafeningly that it silenced the oh so loud love Jungkook has for you. And protected because you know for a fact that if he had any idea about what that man just did to you, he would not think twice before dragging him by the hair before bringing him to his knees in front of you to apologize.Â
He stands once he sees you and you waste no time running towards him. Your arms go around him as you nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck. His arms immediately embracing you in return, securing you against his chest.
It feels warm.
Concern laces his voice as he says, âIâve got you, baby. Iâve got you. BreatheâÂ
You donât even realise youâre panting unless he says that. Youâre aware that at this point the way you flung yourself at him must have got everyoneâs attention. But you genuinely donât care. It might as well be an auditorium full of people watching you hug your boyfriend like an anchor, you just donât care.Â
You realise thatâs exactly what Jungkook is. Your anchor. Someone who didnât even ask as to what happened before he straight away began consoling you.Â
His hand envelops the back of your head in a protective way while the other soothes your back.Â
âDo you want to leave? We can leave right now if you want to.â
âYes, please.â
His body shakes as though he just nodded. âAll right, let me pay real quick and weâll leave yeah?â
Your voice is muffled against his chest. âYeah.â
You suck in a sharp breath as he lets you go. The small folder on the table grabs your attention. He opens it only to find a note inside of it sayingâ âItâs on me, gorgeousâ.Â
You can see the wheels in his mind turning, but before he starts asking you any questions which may or may not cause a breakdown of yours, you say, âIâll explain it to you outside. Can we please go?âÂ
âLet me see wh-â
âPlease?â He lets out a defeated sigh and nods. âYeah- Yeah letâs go.âÂ
Ëŕ¨ŕ§â・Ë
At first when Jungkook saw that note, the first emotion that he felt was rage and a very serious one at that. But it was soon replaced by realization. It doesnât take a scientist to figure out that something nasty went down after _____ left to use the washroom. Something he canât wait to get to the bottom of. Nevertheless, he didnât want her to be pressured to answer the more obvious question.Â
Jungkookâs girl is attractive. Sheâs kind and empathetic and fucking stunning which makes her worthy of all the attention she gets. Of course men are going to want to be with her.Â
Initially, it bothered him. A lot.Â
Now, though? Heâs grown rather used to it. However, it has never come to having someone pay for her in a restaurant. Even the thought of someone so much as speaking to her in an inhumanely manner makes him want to punch a hole through a wall.Â
âDo you want to talk about it?âÂ
The silence is too loud inside the car. He can hear ____âs heart beating loudly or is it his own?
Sheâs leaning back with her head against the headrest. When she doesnât respond, Jungkook speaks again, â_____ baby, will you please at least look at me?âÂ
Her eyes connect with his and he flashes her the softest of smiles.
Taking her hand, he kisses the inside of her wrist where he can feel her pulse.Â
Thump thump thump.Â
âI want you to give me something, angel. Anything.âÂ
He can see her gulp before admitting, âThere was um⌠there was a guy outside the washroom and he kind of tried to force himself on me,â she closes her eyes for a brief moment, âMaybe Iâm just being dramatic, but I handled him.âÂ
Jungkookâs stomach drops. He was right. His hands fly out to open the car door before _____ holds him back. âDonât. I said I handled it.â
He turns back, his voice leaking with anger along with something more barbaric. âAnd Iâm proud that you did, but if I donât go in and beat that asshole into a new one I wonât be able to call myself a man worthy of you anymore. I need him to know that he canât fuck with my girl and go about his goddamn day.â âJungkook, please. I canât take it anymore. Please stop.âÂ
And he does. For now.Â
He leans back, running his hands over his face with frustration. For a few minutes he and ____ just stare outside the front glass of the car. The parking lot slowly gets empty as people leave for their homes one by one.Â
Just when he thinks _____ has dozed off, her voice reaches him. âCan I get one more hug?âÂ
âCome here.âÂ
He takes her into a warm embrace before kissing the top of her head, settling his lips there. His anger has yet not fully dissipated, but having her so close calms his heart. It calms his whole being. Her touch, her breath against his skin, her presence heals something in him.
Therefore, he made up his mind about spending his whole life with her. The little slip of words, which by the way was totally unintentional, soured _____'s expression and that didnât go unnoticed by him.Â
Sheâs scared but he fully intends to let her know that she doesnât have to.
______ unwraps herself from his arms and pushes back. Just enough for their noses to touch.
She shakes her head, âDonât give me those eyes.âÂ
Jungkook holds back a smile. âWhat eyes, angel?âÂ
âThe same ones you give me when you want something dirty to happen. Those big brown eyes of yours.â
He lets a chuckle slip out. âIâm down if you are.âÂ
When she offers him her own laugh, gosh itâs as though he comes alive. If he could bottle up the sound, he would. Something passes in _____âs eyes. Lust? Desire? He canât pinpoint.Â
He wants to kiss the hell out of her though and he wants to do it desperately. Her eyes drop to his mouth and he takes it as a sign to lean forward and press his mouth against hers.Â
Her lips part ever so slightly followed by her gripping Jungkookâs collar to bring him even closer. So close as if she wants their souls to intertwine.Â
The feeling is very much mutual.Â
She gets up from the passengerâs seat without breaking the kiss and straddles his lap. Her legs on either side of his thigh as their coreâs touch. Jungkook is not sure how long he can endure this sweet pain of waiting.Â
In all sincerity, heâs been holding himself back from the very moment he saw her walking up to him in that dress. Do with that information what you will.Â
Now, he just wants to say fuck it and get inside herâ only that he canât, because he wants her to take her time and ask for it. Then and then only he will fuck her. If itâs inside this car then so be it.Â
The kiss is electric and filled with passion, tingling his skin in all the right places as she matches his enthusiasm with her own.
______ pulls back with a deep breath, leaving Jungkook panting heavily.Â
âPlease.â she begs.Â
A strand of hair falls on her face. He tucks it behind her ear. âPlease what baby?âÂ
âPlease fuck me, Jungkook. I want you so bad and I want you right now.â she whines.
He grins. âAt your service, maâam.âÂ
He hears _____âs light chuckle as he gets out of the car, carrying her with him while also making sure she doesnât hit her head on the hood. She detaches herself from him once theyâre out and settles in the back seat. Only after ensuring sheâs comfortable enough, Jungkook follows her.Â
His body lays on top of her and he wastes no time as their mouths collide. Her finger grip the hair on his nape and he groans with pleasure, his cock going thick. He rubs it on her lower stomach to show her how much he wants her, gaining a moan out of her.Â
Jungkookâs head goes fuzzy with every passing second. He almost comes when she lifts her hips up and rubs a slow circle against his cock.Â
âFuck.â He groans, pulling back from the kiss. _____âs cheeks are heated and lips are swollen. He did that. Her man did that.Â
Suddenly, heâs grateful for the tinted glass and his big car.Â
_____ lifts her head up and kisses his sweaty cheek, swiping his forehead with her palm. âYouâre sweating, honey.âÂ
âYeah, I tend to do that in your presence. Do you know how hard it was for me to stay sane after seeing you look so unbelievably gorgeous?âÂ
She passes him a lazy smile, âYouâve always been so good at controlling yourself, havenât you?âÂ
âNot anymore.â He sits up, knees on either side of her body and starts unbuckling his belt all the while panting with excitement. His pants slide halfway down letting his cock spring free. Thick, angry and leaking with precum. His shirt goes next.
______âs eyes flash with lust as she bites her lower lip. The straps of her dress have slipped down, leaving her tits bare and open for Jungkook.
âIâm gonna fuck you so good, baby.â he leans forward as she runs a hand up his bare spine, hooking her legs over his hip.
âPlease.â she whispers.Â
A loud thunder outside the car grabs Jungkookâs attention. Nice, heâs so horny he didnât even realise that itâs raining. Another rumble of thunder drowns their panting breath but he still only focuses on the woman beneath him. The goddess of a woman who trusts him with her body. How lucky he is to call her his own.Â
She brushes his hair out of his face, her thumb dusting over the mole on the bridge of his nose before her hand follows the path of his tattooed arm, his rib, his ass, until she wraps a fist around his dick.Â
He pushes into her hand. âI need to grab the condoms from the console, angel.â
Thereâs a brief moment of silence, the car filling with the pants and whimpers before she says, âI want you bare. Iâm on the pill.âÂ
Jungkook has never gone without condom nor has he considered going without one, but this woman right here just asked him to get inside her bare and fuck if it doesnât tempt him.
And so he gives in, but not before asking, âAre you sure?âÂ
âAs sure as one can be.âÂ
He nods, bringing his lips back to hers. His hand finds her thong under the dress as he slides it down her legs. Then he strokes a single line up and down her slit, wetting his finger with her cum. When he brings the same finger to his mouth and sucks on it, _____ all but whimpers.Â
His cock follows next and he does the same with it, rubbing himself up and down her slit as he coats himself in her before he presses his thumb down on the head of his cock, curls his hips forward, and pushes into her.Â
Tortuously slowly, inch by fucking inch.Â
Sheâs so warm and tight for him. Heâs not sure how long he can take before he shoots his load inside of her.Â
âMore.â she pleads, her face morphing into the most beautiful expression of pleasure.Â
Jungkook pulls back and pushes again, watching more of a length disappear inside of her. Heâs not even halfway in and sheâs already crying out his name.Â
Leaning in, he bites her neck in an attempt to give her his all. All his love, all his nights and all his life. The question is at the tip of his tongue but considering what happened inside, he quickly holds himself back.Â
âYouâre doing so good for me, my angel. Taking me so well,â He thrusts again. âYouâre made for me, arenât you?âÂ
She cries out.Â
âWhat was that?â She throws her head back. âYes. Oh my godâÂ
Thrust. âYes, what baby? Iâm gonna need you to say it.âÂ
Jungkook takes her nipple in his mouth, sucking on it until she cries out again, âIâm made for you. Fuck.â
He releases the nipple with a loud pop. âThatâs right you are.â His pelvic bone is flush with hers, ____âs legs as wide as possible to accommodate him. She dusts her fingertips up and down his spine while he slowly kisses along her jaw.
When she pushes her heels into his ass, urging him to move, he pulls out part way before pushing back in again.Â
She lets out a moan quickly followed by his own. _____âs hands run over Jungkookâs abs, nipples, and wrap around his shoulders.Â
Heâs fucking her slowly, taking his time, feeling her body and letting her feel his too. Every brush, every graze, every breath is precious to him.
Soft and intimate.Â
So when the next words leave Jungkookâs mouth, he blames it on the moment. âMarry me.â
_____âs eyes which were closed earlier, savoring the very moment, pop open and his movement halts.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âFuck. Okay, I know this is not a position or place a woman wants to be proposed in, but I have to say this before I go insane. _____, I know youâre scared and I also know the reason behind it. Of course, I wonât ask you why you kept that part a secret from me, because I respect you and want you to take your time. But baby,â he brushes his thumb over her cheekbone, âI need you to know that I will die before I let anything like that go down between us. I love you so much you donât even realise. Sometimes I even shock myself with how much I cherish you. Youâre a gift to me, a gift which brings out the best not just in me but in everyone she meets.â
He places a small kiss on her forehead before continuing, âI can go anywhere, see everything but it still wouldnât match the level of affection I hold for you in my heart. Still wouldnât match the beauty of your smile, you amazing woman. Youâre all I have ever wanted. So please, make me the happiest motherfucker in the world by saying ye-â
âYesâÂ
âWhat?â
âYes, Iâll marry you. Now will you please shut up fuck me like you promised, husband?âÂ
He bites her jaw, âOh, Iâll fuck you so nice youâll be begging for more, wife.â
Soon enough, _____âs lower lip trembles as her orgasm takes over, and he has the privilege to watch it all. The fluttering of her lashes, the marks of her nail down his arm and the way she calls him her husband again when sheâs able to find her words.Â
Heâs so gone.
About half an hour later when he asks her again as to what changed her mind about marriage, she says something so deep yet in such a casual way, he wants to cry.Â
âWhen I hugged you inside, you didnât ask questions. You just let me be and that may seem like a miniscule thing for someone else, but for me it was enough. Enough to stay with you until I turn all wrinkly and grey haired.âÂ
#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook#jungkook#jungkook fanfic#bts#jungkook scenario#jungkook smut#jungkook scenarios#jungkook x you#bts x reader#jungkook imagine#bts scenario#bts fanfic#bts scenarios#bts smut#bts jungkook#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook drabble#jungkook series#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook oneshot#fluff
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sweet and loving boyfriend!joshua headcanons <3 (sfw)
summary: shua and reader romantic relationship headcanons :3 (you can read as a stand alone or as a part of the upcoming jihan poly relationship!!)
contains: mushy romance. implications that reader speaks korean & english
⊠svt writing & fic rec masterlist âŠ
boyfriend!joshua who'll let you cling and bite onto his thick ass arms and put your face in his tiddiesđ
sunday mornings are exclusively quality time with boyfriend!joshua. y'all will be making a breakfast spread or sitting on the balcony soaking in the sunrise, just quietly enjoying each otherâs presence. joshieâs absolute favourites are rainy sunday mornings (âŚWE KNOW WHY) and he will smoother you with in bed cuddles <3 đĽš
boyfriend!joshua who is completely and utterly enamoured by you. the two of you will make eye contact and he'll hit you with that lil â âżâ smile and then you're melting and now he's melting and you're both melting, and the members are disgusted at how ooey gooey y'all are being
disgustingly sweet boyfriend!joshua who always does cheesy shit to make you blush. heâll ask "hey, can you hold this for me? ><" and then proceed to put his hand in yours fgjkdbs
having to compromise with boyfriend!joshua about texting back because why does this man not reply to people??
boyfriend!joshua who will always order food for you!! and will always feed you the perfectly made bites of his meal as well :3
boyfriend!joshua who likes to share his specific taste in things (furniture, perfumes, jewellery, etc.) with you. even if you aren't for fancy things, you'll show interest for him because it makes him happy đ
an absolute sucker for seasonal or weather-based dates. especially water based dates...what can i say boyfriend!joshua likes water. is so so happy in the rain, just running around splashing puddles (what can i say...he likes water :3)
winter dates: going ice skating and when u fall boyfriend!joshua skates up to u in distress and asks if u need some ice for thatđwill buy you snacks at the street vendors as an apology and to warm you up <3
summer dates: at the beach where boyfriend!joshua loves taking sunset pics of you to make his phone's lockscreen and background
boyfriend!joshua who can't meet you empty handed and will get you random things such as lil drinks, a pair of socks cuz they were cute or an expensive ass perfume cuz he thinks it'll smell nice on you :3
boyfriend!joshua who will sweetly serenade you with his guitarâŚand then bust out the sunday morning because he got too shy afterwards
on days where you don't feel the best, boyfriend!joshua will come home to you with a care package when you feel down and absolutely pamper you with whatever you desire until you feel better. he'll definitely do that head patting thing to you đĽš
boyfriend!joshua kissing your hand as he leaves for his schedules. you tightening your grip and pulling him closer, causing him to do that delighted laugh of his before he gives you a proper goodbye kiss gjkfbd
matchy matchy outfits and items with boyfriend!joshua 𼰠loves when youâre matching him with a phone case or a keychain or jewellery or the entire fit
boyfriend!joshua being a gentleman and you being a one right back at him. it becomes a competition atp for who can do the more chivalrous thing. you opening his car door after he's driven you to your date destination? he'll open up the door to the establishment for you (he waved open to the sensor door thing lmao)
boyfriend!joshua u find him not crazy but it turns out u just are the same level of freak as him :D he's just crazy and crazy for you <3
trying out different hands on activities with boyfriend!joshua!! yâall are on a mission to try to impress his momma with baked goods (cuz wdym making cookies is easy THAT SHIT IS DIFFICULTđ)
switching languages with boyfriend!joshua during conversations. pulling different english or korean words whilst the members just stare at you confused (vernon either joins in or is in his own world)
boyfriend!joshua sweetly calling you âbabyâ or âyeoboâ. or will casually call you âbabeâ. calls you âmy babyâ âmy darlingâ in very romantic moments or when he wants something really badly cuz he knows it'll make you fold đ
always making boyfriend!joshua laugh because it makes you so happy to see him so happy. his laughter pierces you, blooming and spreading joy throughout your body
boyfriend!joshua who is just a soft lover with a glowing warmth to him. he's the rays of the sunset that warms you after a long day with the promise of a better tomorrow <3
ames note: i am so SOOOO down bad for this man it is crazyyy. his recent live was my first ever live of joshie and i was just?? giggling??? and smiling??? so much!?!? svt at lollapalooza is in just over a day!! i hope everyone can enjoy ittttt (it is at like 3am for me rip. i hope y'all enjoyeddddd the writinggg~ i'm gonna write a jeonghan and jihan poly headcanon at some point idk when tho <3 Ď(.-âż-)
author note: do not distribute my work on other platforms without my consent. if you see my writing in places other than this tumblr account, please let me know. my writings are purely fictional fantasises for fun. the people i write about are real human beings and should still be treated as such. please do not take my writings seriously or as truth.
#buntanteen writings#hong joshua x reader#hong jisoo x reader#joshua x reader#hong joshua fluff#seventeen x reader#seventeen fluff#seventeen imagines#svt x reader#seventeen headcanons#seventeen drabbles#seventeen smut#seventeen fanfic#seventeen scenarios#svt fanfic#svt imagines#hong joshua#hong jisoo#seventeen joshua#pls kindly let me know if there are any issues!!
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LMAOO thank you for your efforts and also for putting this cursed image in my head....between being a beater AND making the trek up to the ravenclaw tower constantly/every morning to pick up clora, seb never skips a workoutđŞ
@myfangirlinessononeblog BAHAHA DONT WORRY ABOUT IT GIRL!! ill admit tho when i got the preview for your ask which just showed me "id like to apologize for my previous ask" i was like oh god...what did she send me that warrants an apology???đ° but this was so funny to me LOOL esp bc i thought everyone already knew that "spoiler" of sebs "death" by now, so its always fun to see when someone hasnt been on my blog for long/reads my fic first and then gets to it HAHA. also i love the manic energy of not being able to wait between chaps and NEEDING to vent to me LOOL relatable... weve all been there girlyđ¤đ¤ (and im glad u liked seb beating himself up over being dead for TOO long BAHAH that really is so him...đbro needs to relax) BUT THANK YOU ALSO!! IM GLAD YOU'RE ENJOYING IT!!đđđ
@nerdycollectionstrawdewfan i want to do this so bad!! i just still havent got around to getting to that quest yet bc ive still barely started my second HL playthru bahha, and i want to experience the quest myself rather than watch it on youtube, BUT TRUST ME ITS DEFS SOMETHING IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT/WANTING TO DO!! and THANK YOUUđđ
@jax-the-kneecapper BAHAH AWW TYY RIGHT BACK AT YOUđŤđđđ and i mean if its to keep someone alive i guess i have no choice but to continueđŤĄđŠââď¸đŠââď¸thank u for the excuseđĽ°
BAHA I DO!! idk if you saw my last ask but i have a pregnancy oneshot in the works!! but unlike what i say there, it probs wont be finished by this month at the rate im goingđ BUT IT IS COMING!! and after that i have a really reallllyyy short oneshot (probs like 5k words. short for ME, that is) thats kinda dark/about yandere seb. but also dont worry about pressuring me cuz IM GLAD YOU WANT MORE OF THEM, IT JUST MOTIVATES ME!! SO THANK YOUđđđđĽš
and speaking of motivation!! THANK YOUU im glad you liked it and that you not only got attached to my ver of seb but even to clora as well!!đill defs keep writing for them as long as the ideas are still there, thank YOU for reading and for the lovely message!!đđđ
decided to end this off with the most UNHINGED ask i have EVER RECIEVED LMAOOOOOO GIRLLLLLLLL???? ok a lot to unpack here first of all im OBSESSEDDDD with the fact that after seeing that sight, ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS YOU THOUGHT OF WAS SEB AND CLORA??? LMFAOO AND SEBS REACTION TO ITđđđIM FUCKING CRYINN GGGG LIKE SERIOUSLY....and second clora will ALWAYS be sebs fav cave no matter what (how dare you make me read that with my own eyes) and also THE VAGINA IS A MUSCLE!! IT CAN LOOSEN AND BECOME TIGHT AGAIN!! â¨THE MORE YOU KNOW!! ⨠but also no seb will NOT be traumatized bc he will NOT be seeing that LMAOđ in the pregnancy oneshot im writing he doesnt look down theređ he already almost passes out from seeing clora in pain, so i think looking down there and seeing whats happening would actually knock him out/put him in a coma LMFAOOO (also congrats to your sisterđĽ°đĽ°i hope her cave isnt too wreckedđĽ°(ok im sorry đđbut also YOU started thisđŤľ)
#i rly wish anons who sent asks got notifications for them bc... that last ask...LMAOO they need to know how unhinged that was#but like i said im also weirdly honoured that the first thing you thought of was seb and clora afterwards LMAOOO itll never not be funny#thats honestly also me in any scenario tbh#me watching some horrible disaster on the news: damn...i wonder how seb and clora would have dealt with that#me at my friends wedding: damn...i wonder what seb/clora inspo i can draw from this#its a sickness#ask
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Have you seen those videos of women having their boyfriend/husband try on those Period cramp simulators? Imagine Nami, Robin and female reader had the guys try it? how do you think that they would handle it?đ
no because that would actually be so chaotic đ
i hope it's okay i turned this into a little headcanon instead of a fic!
Straw Hat guys reacting to period pain simulator
Zoro would definitely pretend like the pain doesn't affect him, but inside, he would actually be impressed that women could endure all that while going about their usual daily lives.
Usopp would be the one to flinch and scream even before the machine was turned on, and once it was, he'd jump around in panic and immediately tear the machine off. He would cling to Nami and apologize for every time she had to deal with his stupid shenanigans during her period.
Sanji would cry. Not because of the pain, but just because he couldn't bear the thought of his lovely ladies having to experience that every. single. month.
I think Luffy would not feel a thing lmao since those machines use electric pulses, and Luffy would be immune since he's rubber?? The poor boy would just end up very confused, bless his soul.
Brook wouldn't feel a thing either - cause he has no organs yohoho! (jk but I think Brook would be horrified, and he would be way more understanding now whenever the ladies are particularly pissed during their times of the month)
Franky would not have any reaction at all, he'd feel ticklish at most. But, he would definitely be more mindful from then on and will immediately start making stuff that would make the pain more bearable for the ladies. I'm talking massage chairs, electric heating pads, all that jazz.
Jinbe would laugh off the pain, but I think among all the guys (aside from the literal ship's doctor), he would be the one that is most knowledgeable about period cramps and had already been very attentive to the ladies from the start.
The ladies would never let Chopper near that machine. But being a doctor, of course he would already be well-aware of all the symptoms, and the ladies could always rely on him to have some herbal remedy in stock for them every month to help with the cramps.
âł masterlist
#one piece headcanons#op headcanons#one piece imagine#chibinasuu hc#chibinasuu reqs#one piece x reader#luffy#monkey d luffy#roronoa zoro#zoro#sanji#black leg sanji#usopp#cyborg franky#soul king brook#tony tony chopper#jinbe
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nah cuz u got me HOOKED with ur obsessed optimus fic I LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH
like AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH pls do not think about how not only this man litteraly fighting himself to not clingy mess to you 24/7 or how fucking protective he would be to you.........primus help to anyone who dares to make u sad cuz he will be so FUCKING PISSED he will be staring at them down with the scariest glare omlllllllllllll
OH OHHHHHH WAIT WAIT do u know that video of the pitbull waging his tail cuz his cat friend grooming him? that's him, thats optimus.
ur honor he's a fucking simp đđđ
AAAAAAAAA thank you so much <333 i am so happy that you guys like this au
and you are right, optimus is fighting his demons on a daily basis to keep himself from scooping you up in his servo and holding you close to his spark or maybe setting you on his shoulder, preferably as close to the sensitive cables as possible ;)) one time, out of curiosity, you brushed your hand against his leg â maybe to get his attention, maybe just to see if heâd even react (or maybe to tease him) â bro almost melted.
heâd be overprotective, 101%. even his own team doesnât get a pass. was ratchet rude to you? threw a gruff remark at you even though you didnât provoke him? optimusâ icy gaze reaches him from the other side of the base. and ratchet is fucking sweating, because heâs never seen optimus so pissed. suddenly all the autobots are being unusually nice to you.
and if, by some miracle, you get hurt? god have mercy on the bot who did it. letâs say you were out together on a drive/patrol/optimus was picking something up for the base. a lone vehicon attacked, and one of his blaster shots grazed you. optimus goes feral, literally shifts into bayverse optimus for a moment lmao. afterward, heâd apologize profusely that you had to witness it, but something snapped in him when he saw you injured. he was on autopilot, like his processor just shut down. after this incident, heâd be cautious with you, checking if youâre scared of him or if youâre disgusted by him. spoiler: youâre not.
and that video is so obsessed!optimus coded omg. itâs totally your dynamic.
#transformers#transformers x reader#optimus prime x reader#optimus x reader#tfp#be silly#obsessed!optimus
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OBEY ME OLDER BROTHERS AS SOULMATE TROPES!
part 1 part 2 part 3 (WIP rn)
Includes: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, GN! Reader/MC, possible cringe
Notes: This is literally my first ever fan fic Iâve published (if head cannons count as fan fics lmao) so apologies for any mistakes or weird formatting! Constructive criticism is more than welcome, Iâm ASKING for it if you have anyđ
Alsoo they just kept getting longer and longer, I donât know why and Iâve gone through lucifers to try and make it longer but I just canât so sorryđ
LUCIFER: you canât see their eye colour until you meet them.
* It wasnât really that bad, being unable to see red.
* Being unable to see the colour of your blood as it oozed out of a cut wasnât really that bad, even if it just looked like grey tar pouring out instead which is equally gross
* It wasnât really that bad to just never be able to see a single colour, everyone had to put up with it at some point
* But it was sad how rose bouquets always looked dull, and how hearts would always be grey
* It was sad how you couldnât just imagine up a new colour to fill the void that not being able to see red left
* You knew that the colour you couldnât see was called red, and you could learn as much as youâd like about it but that didnât meant you could imagine it let alone see it for yourself
* Not until you were teleported into a large, court-like room one day
* You looked up from whatever you were doing and stared up at the man who had begun to cheerfully talk in front of you. His hair was that familiar gray that you recognised as red
* He introduced you to your situation and the school, and in your panic your eyes darted across the room
* Then, you suddenly made eye contact with a man in a dark coat, hair a matching colour and eyes that were also a dark colour
* but a new dark colour
* Not that gray you had been familiar with your whole life, but a fierce mix of orange and pink, the way the colour red had been described to you your entire life
* You saw through your periphery some orniments on the wall and the previous manâs hair and jacket come to life with colour, but you couldnât pull your eyes away from the dark haired man before you
* He had frozen, just like you, afraid to blink, afraid that heâd lose this enticing new colour again after missing it for so long if he were to let it go for less than a second
* When he finally looked away, he saw how different decorations in the room that had previously been gray lit up with the colour of your eyes, the world never seeming so alive in all the thousands of years of his life as they did in that moment
* For the first time in his incredibly long life, he saw the beauty that was your eyes and all the beauty they brought with them.
MAMMON: the red string of fate.
* Your entire life you had been accompanied by that obnoxious red string.
* Whenever you glanced down to your non-dominant hand, the first thing you noticed was the red string all tangled up and wrapped around your hand
* Sometimes youâd get bored and tie nots in it or rest it on a surface and pull it to make shapes, but as soon as you took your attention away from it itâd return to normal, pointing in the direction of your soulmate
* And for some reason, the direction would always be down
* Not always directly down, sometimes diagonal, but it always managed to go into the ground.
* Was your soulmate miner or something???
* You had tried and tried countless times to follow it, going into basements and even considering going cave exploring in case your soulmate was some kind of cave creature trapped down there
* There was even a time you considered that they could be in hell, because where else could they be thatâs so low down?!
* You had grown to hate it, the way it would taunt you and while it showed your friends their soulmates, it just showed you the dirt on the ground
* Hopes of finding your soulmate and curiosity to where they could be grew into despair, concluding that your soulmate was either a mole person or dead
* Both results meant that youâd never meet them and would forever be tormented by that hideous, obnoxious, torturous red string that was eternally tied to your ring finger
* You were waiting in a lobby for a job interview when you suddenly popped into the devildom
* A man was happily introducing you to the courtroom(?) and all of the people sat inside of it
* There was a man named Lucifer, followed by his younger brothers, all of which noticeably sharing names with demons. This place was called the Devildom, theyâre demons, is this hell?Someone must be pulling your leg or something, right?!?!
* You were cut of from your thoughts by the dark haired man- Lucifer- telling you to call his younger brother.
* You hesitantly took the phone-like device called a âDDDâ from Luciferâs hands and dialed the number you were told to, fidgeting with the string on your ring finger that nobody else could see
* You waited for Luciferâs younger brother, Mammon, to show up, still fiddling with the string, when you felt a sudden jolt on the string
* You looked down, to see the string moving slightly, left to right to slightly up, and noticed that it was no longer going into the ground. It was right at the doorway to the room.
* A man stormed into the room, immediately charging in your direction and shouting about your ânerveâ to summon âthe great Mammonâ
* Safe to say the shouting died down when he took a look at your hand and noticed how your strings were connected
* Awkward silence filled the air until it was interrupted by the Avatar of Lust, cooing at the situation when he put two and two together and realised what was going on
* You were too focused on the red string connecting you to his hand to noticed the red slowly covering mammons face
* Internally, you laughed. Of course you found your soulmate in Hell.
LEVIATHAN: you make choices for your soulmate.
* You woke up to the sun shining through your curtains. Your soulmate, for whatever reason, didnât allow you to shut your blinds. He didnât even decline it, just left it on read.
* Why did you even have to request to do something so mundane?!
* Your soulmate forgetting to respond to your requests was a common occurrence, usually in the morning, but any time could be victim to your soulmates negligence to your requests.
* You went downstairs and opened your fridge and grabbed the first thing you saw: a pancake filled with red bean paste, in a box labeled âAzuki-tan, cute companion!â
* You had zero clue what that meant, you just remembered seeing it for sale at a grocery store a couple days ago
* Again, you had to send a request to your soulmate over whether you could eat this or not.
* Almost immediately, it was accepted. You didnât really stop to think about the fast reaction time to the request, just thankful this wasnât another ignored request
* Just as you were about to put it into your mouth, you were teleported to a large room that resembled a court room and contained a lot of chairs and 6 scary-looking men
* You kind of zoned out for most of that discussion until you started asking questions, but safe to say the pancake was forgotten, still in your hand.
* You made your way to where you would be staying with the demon assigned to look after you, Mammon, when a request from your soulmate popped up:
* âSoulmate would like to: Ask his brother for his money back.â
* You accepted, wondering what harm could be done, and entered the building with Mammon.
* You were just chatting with the white haired boy when all of a sudden a boy with purple hair started yelling at him âHow about this? I vote for YOU to die, Mammon!â
* They started to yell at each other about money, which you found to be an odd coincidence. Would this even be considered as asking for money though? Itâs more like bullying.
* You watched the argument unfold and brought the pancake to your mouth, about to take a bite, when the purple haired boy froze and stared at you, which made you stand there awkwardly with your mouth about to bite into the pancake for a few seconds waiting for him to say something
* âIs that Azuki-tan?!â
* âUmm⌠I think that was on the packaging⌠why?â
* Very awkward. Oh look, a request!
* âSoulmate would like to geek-out about Azuki-Tan and The Magical Ruri Hana: Demon Girl franchise.â You accepted. How random.
* You had no time to ponder the randomness of the request because the purple haired boy, Levi as Mammon had introduced him, began to spout random nonsense about the pancake? No, a girl called ruri hana- wait no, now heâs going on about voice acting- whoâs that voice actor?- wait what show is he going on about now?!?! You really wanted to tell this guy to slow down or shut up!
* He paused for a quick moment and pressed a button in the air, continuing with his tangent when you yelled at him to just slow down!
* He paused. He stared into your soul. He looked like he was rebooting, or something.
* âYouâre my soulmate?â He said, voice shaky. You asked him what he meant, and he just started going on a rant about an anime where this very thing happened and- heâs off topic again, heâs going a mile a minute! You asked the voice in your head âcan I please tell him to shut up?!â
* He stopped and stared at you, now yelling how you were asking him to shut up and how rude than was!
* Oh shit. Heâs right? Heâs your soulmate? And you just asked your soulmate to shut up the annoying guy in front of you?? Whew boy.
* You awkwardly mutter apologies to eachother, flustered, both the pancake and his older brother forgotten.
#obey me#obey me!#obey me solmare#obey me mammon#obey me lucifer#obey me leviathan#obey me mammon x reader#obey me lucifer x reader#obey me levi x reader#obey me x reader#x reader#btw the reason Levi was forgetting to respond to the requests esp in the morning is because#he was busy gaming or slept inđ I didnât make that clear soz#Iâll make the younger brothers tomorrow probs#constructive critism welcome
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To be clear, I goddamn hated the finale on first watch. I was withering in my seat. My heart had dropped to my stomach. I had no fucking idea what I was watching in that final scene lmao
and then Adrien said "when Ladybug gave me the ringsâ" and I was likeâ wait. LADYBUG? LADYBUG STILL EXISTS?
I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIMELINE HAD BEEN REWRITTEN đđđđ I THOUGHT LADYBUG AND CHATN OIR DIDNT UFCKING EXIST uNTIL ADRIEN SAID THAT I WAS SO SO SO SCARED
and then I realized, oh wait. This isn't a complete utopian timeline rewrite. This is just a timeskip of a few months and Mme Bustier is just a kickass mayor. In fact, she's only mayor BECAUSE it's still the same timeline. And then I realized, hey, wait, if they didn't rewrite the timeline, then how tf is Emilie casually there with no questions?
And then I realized she was wearing black. And FĂŠlix was there. And I remembered Amelie exists.
Basically, I went into the finale chanting to myself "it's okay, it's okay... they probably wont bring Emilie back... they probably won't rewrite the entire timeline permanently.... right? please....", even though I didn't actually expect it to happen, but just because I was terrified that it could. And apparently that fear actually got to me so much that I misinterpreted the episode as being everything I didn't want it to be... when... it actually wasn't that at all
anyway, all of this is to say, everything in the episode happens so fast that it confused and terrified me at first. And when I realized what had happened, my opinion went from "my year is ruined" to "oh. well. okay. kind of disappointing, I guess". And then I kept thinking about it, and the ending, and all that is set up and rewatching the scenes and all the loose ends still in place and.... i realized I loved it?
like, every time I think about this finale, I love it more. every time i rewatch a scene, I get a little obsessed. this episode went from my nightmare to actually really really cool to me, and I'm still kind of reeling from it
Basically, this is why I've been kind of passionately defending the finaleâ not because I think people who don't like it are """dumb""" or anything, I don't blame people at all for that, and I totally get the confusion. I was confused too. And I know I'm not the only one who went in preparing themselves for the worst, or went in with very specific expectation on what will happen, because this finale has been long awaited for so long. I think everyone was shocked with how it ended. I think most people probably startled at Amelie's face (it's so easy to forget she exists....)
Anyways, I started this post basically as an apology for if I seem too aggressive or defensive about the finale. Because I get it! I get hating it! I get being disappointed or frustrated or confused! Part of why I'm so defensive is because I have all the arguments so ready on the tip of my tongue because I had the very same argument with myself already đ So I'm sorry if any of my posts came off as too aggressive and in advance for any future posts that might. I promise promise promise I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for having bad opinions on the finale! I just think this episode is really cool and the fact I related to a lot of the nay-sayers makes it easy to feel so impassioned about it.
But this post is getting off the rails and I'm just gonna let it, because some of my regrets w my participation in fandom is that I find myself chickening out of actually talking about my thoughts on episodes a lot. I get kind of overwhelmed and overthink everything after I've posted it and I'm a shy person. But my inbox is closed and this is the season 5 finale and I want to ramble and ramble so I will allow myself this
Basically, I went in with some very specific expectations for this episode. We all know about the Hawkmoth defeat story. Many of us have read it in fics over and over again, it was teased in Chat Blanc, we all know what we expect, we all know our favorite beats from it.
And what actually happened....... met virtually none of those beats. (For me, at least).
Like, Adrien wasn't there for the final episode. At all. He was completely absent from the confrontation. He never found out his father was Hawkmoth. He got his rings, but he never found out he was a sentimonster. He is living in the dark.
Ladybug confronted Monarch... alone. Which is sad, when so much of the series is dedicated to the partnership of her and Chat Noir. Them against the world....... and Monarch was "defeated" with nary a Chat Noir in sight.
The whole entire "Gabriel is known as a hero" thing. I don't think anybody was expecting that. Absolutely shocking.
The fact Marinette would lie to Adrien like that. The fact she's keeping so much from him. The fact everyone is. SO MANY people in Adrien's life (Marinette, Plagg, Nathalie, Felix, Amelie, Kagami, probably Alya, maybe more I'm not thinking of....) are just... lying to him, now. He is so in the dark. He knows nothing.
But.........
I kind of like that I didn't predict nearly any of this. I like that it caught me off guard. I love how this show just completely baffles me at every turn, how it will present concepts and ideas to me that I've never read a fic about.
In retrospect, Chat Noir being absent from the final battle... makes sense. It actually makes a lot of sense, if I think about it, because... there is only one possible way that could've gone, right? Chat Noir would not be allowed to have the emotional implosion that he would have to have. This is devastating. This is SO devastating. This is the entire shattering of Adrien's entire world we're talking about, and Chat Blanc is the only real way for that to end. Adrien has an emotional implosion in front of Monarch, he gets akumatized, it turns into an emotion explosion, extinction event. The end. We've already seen it.
And........ even if it didn't end that way, even if he managed to avoid akumatization...... how could the finale satisfyingly end on that note? How could it end in any semblance of a "wrapped up" way, at the very start of Adrien's emotional breakdown? It couldn't. I wouldn't WANT it to. In retrospect, Adrien finding out his dad is Monarch and then.... what? The season ends on a close-up of him crying? The season ends with a time-skip to the new school year where they skipped his entire grieving period!? I would HATE that, actually. I would hate that. I thought I wanted it, but I would hate it. I would hate it so so so much.
What's kind of amazing is that the finale ended with Monarch being defeated.... but Adrien still has those realizations to make. He still has those betrayals to come to terms with. There is time for him to make these realizations, for him to come to these conclusions, perhaps one at a time, perhaps in a more controlled environment.... and that gets me far, far more excited for the seasons to come than an episode that tried to wrap it all up in the last 5 minutes.
Also, the reason Adrien didn't go to the final battle was because he feared becoming Chat Blanc. He didn't know the truth to it, didn't understand that literally, yes, that's what would have happened if he was there, even if he hadn't been under a nightmare curse. But he still knew. He still expected it. He willingly chose to sit it out, no matter how much he hated it, because he knew. And there's something kind of powerful to that, I think, of Adrien making a choice that is so unequivocally the Correct choice, even more than he realized. And the strength it took for him to make that decision...... damn.
As for the lies and the Gabriel statue? I... it's upsetting, but it's supposed to be. And I believe it. I absolutely believe it. I 10000% believe Marinette would keep the secret of Monarch's identity to herself to try to save Adrien the pain. I 10000% believe that the population could easily be led to believe a famous billionaire is a hero. I 10000% believe that Adrien would WANT to believe it. I 10000% believe Tomoe would take advantage of it.
And I can't wait to see that illusion crumble.
Also.... this is the beginning of The Lila arc.
And the Lila arc begins on........ Marinette telling the biggest, boldest face lie she ever told. The Lila arc begins on the most extreme city-wide illusion we've ever seen. It begins on such a huge fabrication and....
..... it's Marinette's lie.
............ and Lila knows that it's a lie.
I'm
!!?!?!?!
This is so fucking cool???? The irony here??? the deceit???? All these loose ends, all the possible confrontations, all the ways this could GO. I don't know where the show is taking this, obviously, because nobody ever can predict where this show is going apparently (and I love it for that), but oh my god. I'm imagining all the fics I could read about this. all the fics I could write. all the thoughts and scenarios that this finale has provided me with to daydream about as I go to sleep.
Adrien, going through the motions of life. Looking up to his father as a hero, despite the fact the last time he saw him, Adrien was sobbing, in tears, and cursing his name. Adrien, after all the abuse he was subject to, having to look up at a statue of his father and...... be forced to think that maybe he was wrong about his father. But he's not wrong. He WASN'T wrong. He just THINKS that he is. His father is going to continue to loom over his life in ways I never expected post-hawkmoth. Adrien's relationship with Gabriel has not ended, a new and terrifying and horrible new chapter of it has simply begun, and Adrien is still as manipulated by his father's ghost as he was by his father himself.
THAT'S. WILD!!!
also, Adrien now believes that MONARCH MURDERED HIS FATHER. Chat Noir now believes that his greatest nemesis KILLED HIS FATHER. CHAT NOIR, resident self-sacrificer, believes that HIS FATHER was a HERO who DIED FIGHTING MONARCH. Adrien thinks that maybe he should be more like his fatherâ more like his father who died in battle. This is. Not Good. For Adrien.
And it's Marinette that started this. Well intentioned Marinette, who doesn't really understand the extent of the horrors. Marinette, Adrien's girlfriend, the person he trusts most. She did this.
And, I mean.... god. I totally get how this sucks for a lot of people, because it's objectively upsetting.... but I LOVE lovesquare tension. Season 4 is probably my favorite season for that reason alone (still mulling over if season 5 beat it for me). I love the relationship drama, I love that it's in character drama, I love how it fits everything we know about them sososo well, I love that it's horrible and it's terrible and it's awful and it's all because Marinette loved Adrien too much to want to hurt him.
I was worried no reveal would mean that season 6 would just be... what? adrienette fluff? not that I don't love that, but where's the drama? well. there it is. that's the drama.
I need to stop typing this. I know this is abysmally long and ranty and if you read all of this then I'm sorry. But I wanted to get some of my thoughts out.
But basically, I was expecting a lot of things for the finale.
In my best case scenario, it would somehow, miraculously tie up and address all the loose ends with Adrien's angst and character arc in two episodes.... and then end with me totally satisfied, ready to only half-heartedly watch season 6 like it was just a small dessert after the main course.
And I already described my worst case scenario (my first impression of the episode lmao)
But it wasn't that. I was expecting a series finale, but I got a season finale. And I love season finales. I love how they keep me wanting more. I love how excited I am for season 6, because in both my best and worst case scenarios, I honestly didn't expect to be. I love all the new ideas and thoughts and scenarios swirling around in my brain. And even if season 6 doesn't address some of the things I want addressed, I'm so excited to see the creative content in this fandom that DOES
#ml spoilers#ml s5 spoilers#ml s5 finale spoilers#ml re-creation#ml recreation#recreation spoilers#re-creation spoilers#I am SO SO SO SORRY that htis rant went OFF and I just rambled and rambled and I'm sure nobody will read this. however#sometimes I want to be silly. and my silly moment is rambling about my favorite show into the void on my tumblr#im not proof reading this so im so sorry if it's. um. all over the place and riddled w typos đ im vibing im vibing
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I'm sorry I feel like you always get requests for George đ but I wanted to request one of you don't mind, could you do George x Weird girl reader? Like she's quiet, people find her weird, she keeps a bunch of weird broken things or stuff like candy wrappers for no reason and stuff like that you're writing is so amazing I adore it I would love for you to write this!!
aaww, dont apologize!!! i love writing george fics, and this idea sounds so fun! i can already picture him being so intrigued by her weird little habits.. LMAO
You had a collection.
A strange one.
Broken quills, candy wrappers with cool designs, a tiny glass bottle with no cork, a single button from a robe that wasnât yours. A shiny rock that sparkled green in the sunlight, even though it was just an ordinary rock. A single playing cardâThe Foolâfrom a deck you never owned.
People didnât understand it. They didnât understand you.
You were quiet. You werenât shy, not reallyâyou just didnât talk unless you had something to say. It made people uneasy. It made them whisper about how weird you were, how you barely spoke, how you just⌠existed on the edge of everything, lost in your own world.
But George Weasley? He noticed.
At first, he didnât get it. He saw you carefully tucking a snapped Sugar Quill stick into your bag one afternoon and thought, Why? But then he saw you do it againâthis time with a particularly shiny Chocolate Frog wrapperâand something about it made him grin.
You were interesting. Different.
And George Weasley liked different.
âBit of a magpie, are you?â he asked one day, dropping into the seat beside you at lunch like he belonged there.
You blinked at him, caught mid-examination of a small brass gear youâd found in the hallway. âA what?â
âA magpie,â he repeated, elbow propped on the table, chin resting on his hand. âYou know, the birds? They like collecting things. Shiny stuff, weird stuff.â He smirked. âBit like you.â
You studied him for a long moment, your fingers curling around the tiny gear. Most people pointed out your habits to make fun of you, but George didnât sound mocking. Just⌠curious.
âI guess,â you murmured, tucking the gear into your bag.
His grin widened. âYeah? So whatâs the best thing in your hoard, then?â
You hesitated before reaching into your bag, fingers brushing over candy wrappers and scraps of parchment, before finally pulling out a small, cracked Snitch wing. You held it out, watching his reaction carefully.
Most people would scoff or roll their eyes.
George just stared at it, fascinated.
âNo way,â he whispered, taking it gently from your palm. âWhereâd you get this?â
âFound it near the Quidditch pitch last year,â you murmured. âIt looked lonely.â
His head snapped up, and for a second, you thought he was going to laugh at you. Instead, he just shook his head, smiling.
âMerlin, youâre brilliant.â
Your cheeks warmed. People usually called you weird.
He tapped the broken wing against the table thoughtfully. âAlright, Iâve decided something.â
You tilted your head. âWhat?â
âIâm starting my own collection,â he declared. âWeird things only. But I need a mentor. Someone with experience.â
Your lips twitched into the smallest smile. âI could do that.â
âGood,â he said, nudging your shoulder lightly. âBecause you, my dear magpie, have officially made collecting rubbish look cool.â
You rolled your eyes but couldnât help the warmth spreading through your chest.
For the first time, someone wasnât just tolerating your weirdness.
Someone liked it.
Someone liked you.
#harry potter#fanfic#harry james potter#fluff#hp fandom#hp fanfic#potter#headcannons#angst#smut#george weasley#george weasley x y/n#george weasley x reader#george weasley imagine#george weasley fanfiction#weasley family#the weasleys#fred weasley
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divine.
-> pairing: nanami x fem! reader
-> summary: the moment you walk down the aisle, nanami realizes just how deeply in love he is with you.
->Â cw/ tw: Â nothing (suprisingly lmao).
->Â wc:Â 430 (dang, i fell off T-T)
-> song inspo: die with a smile - lady gaga, bruno mars.
-> an. suprise! it's yena! yes, i'm alive, yes i wrote this, yes, this sucks. i suck at writing fluff, but what are you expecting from someone who's 20 and still never even held hands with a boy romantically (please help me, i want to stop being single PLEASE)đđ
starting a new masterlist for certain fics that were inspired by certain songs, so make sure to keep an eye out for what is basically my way of giving out song recs lmao
apologies about not writing more often, i'm just much more of reader then i am a writer so I've just been reading a crap ton, so I'm sorry!!!
forgive me, i'll write more angst i promise đ
main masterlist. | yena's playlist.
â xoxo, yena.
âi, i just woke up from a dream. where you and i had to say goodbye. and i donât know what it all means. but since i survived, i realized wherever you go , thatâs where iâll follow.â
there were no words to describe the feelings that nanami feels in his body right now.Â
you are so, so beautiful.Â
as he watches you walk down the aisle towards him, he feels as if everything around him has disappeared, all he could see was you. from the way your hair was done to how you look divine in that pristine dress as if it were made solely for you.Â
his heart is beating so fast that heâs sure he might not even make it through the rest of the event. his hands are shaking from nervousness and wet from sweat. every step you took felt like cupidâs arrow shooting him in the heart over and over again, and everytime time he made eye contact with you felt like lightning shooting through his entire body.
you were everything that heâs ever wanted and more.
ânobodyâs promised tomorrow.â
by the time you arrive right in front of him, nanami is sure heâs no longer breathing. you looked like the epitome of an angel and he couldnât believe he was gifted the opportunity to stand in front of you and declare his love for you.Â
holding his hand out for you to take, he couldnât help but tighten his hold on your hand. the heat radiating of from it reminds him that this was real.
that this was all, very, very real.
he was getting married. to you.
âso iâm gonna love you like itâs the last night, like itâs the last night.â
he felt like crying.Â
being able to hold onto you like this and stare into those eyes of yours that he loves so much. heâs sure his heart is beating loud enough for everyone in the hall to hear, but he couldnât care less.Â
not when you stare at him as if he was the most precious person in the entire universe. not when you wrap your warm, comforting hands around his. not when the biggest, sweetest smile blossoms on your face as your eyes slowly turn red.
nothing else mattered.Â
nothing, other then you.
âif the world was ending, i wanna be next to you. if the party was over, and our time on earth was through. i wanna hold you, just for a while. and die with a smile. if the world was ending, i wanna be next, to you.â
@ sugarygetoo, all rights reserved.
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#nanami#nanami kento#nanami kento x reader#nanami x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk nanami#jjk nanami kento#jujutsu kaisen nanami#jujutsu kaisen nanami kento#fluff
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coming home - connor dewar
pairing: connor dewar x fem! reader
word count: 11k
tags/warning: friends to lovers, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst?, mentions of alcohol/drinking, minor swearing
summary: your entire life has entailed having connor by your side, no matter where the universe carves your paths. back home for the summer leading up to your final year of university, there's much to ponder - even your own feelings about your best friend.
notes: this is genuinely a labour of love, the longest fic i've written in a long time đ i wanted this to be short and sweet, but it's long and sweet and i don't know how to feel about that lmao. but (!!!) i am really proud/happy about how this has come together and i hope you all enjoy this fic just as much as i loved writing it đ this is mostly proofread, but it is 5 in the morning, so I'll return to this soon! (apologizes for any errors towards the end!) more dewey content shall be coming soon, hehe! much love! <333
(also! this is very much in celebration of dewey's first goal as a leaf, teehee! đđâď¸)
Summerâs always your favourite time of the year. Tan lines, midnight drives, fireworks, the beach. So much sweetness is in the breezy summer air and you simply canât get enough. You wouldnât admit it, but your favourite part of the season is when one of your closest friends, Connor, comes up from his gruelling hockey season and returns to the slow and laid-back lifestyle of your small town. Having grown up next door neighbours the majority of your lives, you quickly became two peas in a pod, always together with laughter following closeby.
Your friendship is something youâve always treasured, held in some reclusive and special part of your heart that only houses your fated connection. No matter how mundane your time together may be - Connor strumming his acoustic guitar and you reading as the citrus sunset dips into the horizon - it's all so memorable to you and nothing, as youâve come to experience, can ever replace his place in your life. However, life is a constant cycle of change and that first dose came when you two were fourteen, too awkward for your own good and growing out of your bodies. Connor was selected to play in a high-level hockey league hours away from your hometown and as your fingertips buried themselves into his tear-soaked t-shirt, you swore nothing could compare to this pain. The absolute tear of your beating heart out of your raw chest that ached with every gasp. You were a mess, undeterred by your futile attempt to appear as nonchalant at your silly age, but the second Connor stood on your porch, luggage in hand and the sadest tinge in his sage eyes, you fell apart.
Despite the sheer anguish you experienced that crisp autumn day, you adjusted. Stayed in contact with your best friend and continued to build up your life in his absence. Completed all your teenage rites of passage - took some extracurriculars, went to prom (you wanted to ask Connor, but ultimately decided against it), graduated high school and started attending university in Calgary - nine hours away from home. So many things changed and some still stayed the same. Connor was still as hockey obsessed and through his diligent efforts, heâs achieved his dreams of playing in the NHL night after night. You were there for draft day and there for his first game, university be damned. As was Connor, in the stands during your high school graduation and any time you needed him, whether that was him sitting on the phone with you until four in the morning or meeting up with you halfway across two countries because he felt like it. There was always something so spectacular about you two, your stories detailed by destiny and hung amongst the stars. A divine creation that despite the odds, of paths that have taken you two elsewhere, always merged because that is simply how itâs meant to be.
And, so it is, your last summer before your final year and here you are, fingertips tapping against the wooden bar as your leg jerks in anticipation of a figure that will come through your hometown bar, Punch & Judyâs doors any minute now.
Your best friend, Charlotte, manages to interweave your antsy fingers in between hers, a nurturing smile across her smooth face. âHeâll get here, donât worry.â
Your eyebrows quirk, your legs stopping all motion. âWho said anything about worrying?â
She rolls her eyes, unamused. âYou know what I mean,â
Then, she goes on to untangle your fingers, leaning her crossed arms against the bar occupied by the usual mellow group of regulars, including your own bunch of friends. âBesides, you know him. Knowing youâre here, heâs tryna get here quicker than a New York minute.â
A funny feeling flips in the pits of your stomach, an immediate flush coating the apples of your cheeks as you clumsily grab at your cider bottle. Connor always poked fun at your inability to enjoy a cold one, resorting to fruity flavours of cider. âHeâs a law-abiding citizen, heâll wait for the greenlight even if it kills him.â
âIf you say so,â Charlotte casts you a glance out of the corner of her eye, smugness tugging at the corners of her lips as she takes another swig of her beer. The bell signifying the main door opening sounds in the background. âOh, look. Speak of the devil and he shall appear! Hey there, stranger!â
Suddenly, your attention is elsewhere, eyes pinned to the tall silhouette that struts through the doorway of the LED ridden bar, kind eyes and a kinder smile with his tousled hickory hair and hushed voice finding its way to your eardrums again after so long. Itâs like coming home again, watching from afar as close friends fall into endless hugs, your reunion saved for last as you beam a closed mouthed smile, reproduced by your best friend who opens his arms for a hug that solely belongs to you. You fall into him instinctively, inhaling his soft woody scent as you bury yourself in his embrace, the pendulum of your life coming to a pause as your universe centres.
âGet a room, you two!â Connorâs brother, Quinn taunts from over your shoulder, eliciting an exaggerated sigh from you as youâre reluctantly reminded of the lame chirps he seems to be full of whenever you and Connor are together.
You ignore him, savouring the moment for what its momentarily worth before Connorâs pulling away, arms loosely wrapped around the circumference of your waist as he peers down at you with those same green eyes youâve known your entire life.
âHi.â you breathe, short and sweet.
He simpers, something coy in the lines of his smile as he replies back, âhi.â
Itâs a simple greeting, but thereâs so much more in those few syllables - the endless gravity of your shared experiences and fondest memories making their way back to each other. Your eyes linger for a minute longer, taking in each otherâs presence thatâs long been missed due to your busy schedules leading up to your summer break. You part ways and despite how fulfilled you are to have him here and see him after some time, thereâs a small knack that nags at you - hollow and wanting as you venture to a booth nearby, squishing up in between Charlotte and another one of your guy friends, Owen Power, who like Connor has been busting his ass in the NHL and friends with you all for longer than you can remember. You all chatter amongst yourselves with Connorâs brother sitting across from you, a discussion brewing as Connor returns shortly after getting a drink at the bar, sliding beside his brother with a beer in hand.
âCome on, Connie. Help me out here, these guys have lost the plot.â His brother argues, an eye roll your response.
Connor looks between your group, a knit in his eyebrows. âWhatâs the deal?â
âTheyâre tryna say, get this - that dolphins are more dangerous than damn orcas. Can you believe that?â Quinn attests, expression pinched as he ruffles the curls of his bleached hair sticking out his snapback.
âHey! Weâre well within reason to be arguing with you. You on the other hand? I donât think so.â Charlotte proclaims, an accusatory finger directed towards Quinn.
âYeah, not gonna lie, Quinn. Youâre severely underestimating how evil dolphins are,â concludes Owen, his hand raised as he pushes up his glasses on the bridge of his sunkissed nose.
Quinn guffaws, jaw slack as his eyes flicker between everyoneâs faces in quick succession, clearly in disbelief. âAre you hearing this right now?â
âLook, Q - weâve been over this,â you start, hands extending as if to make sense of your proposed point. âYouâve been fed dolphin propaganda. Weâve literally shown you so many resources about their heinous crimes. Take it or leave it.â
Quinn groans, elbowing his older brother who wordlessly listens to the ongoing conversation. âBro! A little help would be nice.â
A brief pause follows his younger brotherâs melodrama, Connor weighing out the arguments of a conversation he hadnât been here for, his eyes flickering over towards yours fleetingly. An unexplained shiver runs down your spine, the action camouflaged poorly as you appear to distract yourself from the sensation, fingernails scratching against the lines of your neck as you look up at the ceiling.
âHello?!â hollers Quinn.
You swear he loves to hear himself talk.
âTheyâre right,â Connor concludes, eyes set on you as he speaks before he takes a swig of his beer, focusing back onto his brother. âPersonally, I think youâve been taking one too many trips to Sea World.â
âThe promised land of dolphin propaganda.â mentions Charlotte.
âThis is ridiculous!â Quinn exclaims, sending a heavy elbow into his older brotherâs arm, all of which barely gains any sort of response from him. âWhat happened to honour amongst bros, huh? They donât have that in Minnesota or what?â
Connor scoffs lightly, his smile reading amused as his head turns towards his brother. âThat doesnât mean I have to agree with everything you say.â
Quinn mumbles something under his breath, clearly displeased. âI forget youâre my harshest critic.â
Their double act entices the crowd, your circle of friends laughing amongst yourselves as Quinn folds his shoulders with his usual theatrics. No one buys into it, much less Connor who drapes his arm loosely around his brotherâs squared shoulders, leaning in with a tickled pink smile that reflects within your own expression.
âYouâre just mad I wonât kiss your ass.â
That earns him a shove off Quinnâs shoulders, sending him into a fit of laughter. Everyone chortles along, basking in the merriment of the moment before youâre delving into other non-controversial topics, indulging everyone in the bits and pieces of your lives theyâve missed and just like that, you're four drinks in and so sentimental it hurts. Owen suggests a walk around the town centre, a tradition you cannot help but all agree to as you all shimmy out of your respective booth, bidding Judy at the bar farewell as you file out of the establishment.
The cobalt sky dazzles with stars youâve forgotten shine so bright here, the midday heat nowhere in sight as a cool breeze pushes you forwards. You linger behind Quinn as he impulsively hops onto Owenâs back, who stumbles at the sudden weight whilst Charlotte laughs at the unfolding scene. Nostalgia warms your heart at the sight, eyes half-closed and posture relaxing as the warm summer night holds you close and kisses your worries goodbye.
An arm drapes over your shoulders, your slow strides matching up with Connorâs as he looks to you, smile small and earnest as he playfully challenges, âSince when did you know about dolphin propaganda?â
You gasp, humour shaping your lips. âWell, youâve been in my ear most of my life yapping about it, soâŚâ
âHey, Iâm just saying - was I wrong?â the smirk on his face attests to his unwavering confidence and as you catch a whiff of his woody cologne, you roll your eyes in defeat, smile still on your lips.
âConsidering you wore a shark tooth to school, I didnât think so.â
You have to bite back the wide smile that fights to spread across your face, a few snickers here and there escaping before the loose ring around your shoulders closes in, Connor smushing your face inwards against the strength of his bicep. You canât help but laugh throughout, swatting away his pesky grip that lasts no longer than a few seconds before all you hear is the echoes of your winded chuckles. In an effort to stabilise yourself from the momentary loss of oxygen, your hand seeks Connorâs, holding onto his larger and warmer as your feet hit the pavement in unison.
âFeels good to be back, doesnât it?â
You let your head fall to Connorâs shoulder, arm wrapping around his lower back as your steps sync with such ease. A lightness in your limbs and how perceptive you can be to the sounds of downtown - car horns, hushed chatter and the like - let you know thereâs nowhere youâd rather be right now than here. Back at home, with your best friends and your partner in crime who you answer in the form of a hum.
-
Your first few days back in the Pas are slow and uneventful, most of your time spent decompressing from the taxing semester and unpacking your items, all of which you didnât know just how much you possessed. In an effort to make the most of the sunshine and get out the house for reasons other than your part time job at the local diner, you sign up for community gardening activities and ask the groupchat if anyone wants to come along. Everyone appears to have plans, except for Connor, who in the early hours of the next morning, picks you up from your childhood home and drives into town where for the next few hours, youâre knee deep in dirt under the blaring sun as you plant various kinds of greenery to spotlight the natural beauty of your rustic town.
What is certain, when early afternoon pours in, painting the sky in shades of honey and tangerine, youâre exhausted beyond belief. You have no idea how Connor makes the drive home, yet he does and when you two collapse into the hammock in your familyâs backyard, your lips are slack and echoing more yawns than you can contain.
âThat was great and all, but thatâs knocked me out,â Connor groans, limp body shuffling in the confinements of the cotton hammock hanging off one of the trees in your backyard. The same tree which holds the treehouse you and Connor partially lived in throughout your youth. âThat was more tiring than hockey practice.â
Youâre tired and easily distracted, your head perched up in a way that puts the treehouse in your direct eye-line. âRemember when weâd watch movies in that treehouse?â
A brief pause follows, occupied by the tranquil chirps and running water from the nearby bird bath. âYeah, Iâd always wanna watch Jaws but you wanted to watch Disney movies.â
You give him a laugh, shuffling yourself in order to get comfortable in the small space. Why did you two think this would work like it did ten years ago? The thought occurs to you, but you brush it off to save yourself additional mental load, making the adjustments to cater to some form of comfortability in the tiny space. Even if that means sacrificing your shared personal space as your body overlaps onto Connorâs strong and firm one.
âSays the guy who knows the all the songs in Lemonande Mouth,â you counter, âAnd, Let it Shine.â
Without missing a beat, in his sleepy voice, Connor replies with, âkissy kissy, Roxanne, did you miss me?â
Groaning despite the snickers slipping past your lips, you bury your head into Connorâs chest, refusing to hear the rest of his ramblings. âMy girl is hotter than your girl, you know it! You know it.â
To get your point across, you unbury your head, wide eyes peering up at your best friend whoâs so amused by this all, hair messy and smile stretching from ear to ear. A bright sight. âCan you not?â
âYouâre just hating 'cause I sing better than you.â He follows that by sticking his tongue out at you, so mature for his age that you grant him the response of a heavy sigh and an averted gaze, settling back into the peace and serenity of your backyard.
However, the silence doesnât last long before youâre speaking again.
âYour hairâs getting long,â you observe, fingertips dancing along Connorâs nape as you absently fiddle with the long strands of his hair, silky between your fingers. âYou should let me cut it.â
âName a time and place, and Iâll be there,â he mumbles sleepily against the crown of your head, soothing you further towards a serene sleep. âUnless you fuck it up. Then, I wonât forgive you.â
You give him the satisfaction of a laugh tucked away in your chest, the ghost of a smile dissipating as the aches of a hard workâs start to plunge their teeth into your flesh and bones, body like cement as you sink further into the comfort of the hammock, into the comfort of your calm summer afternoon.
âOne of my friends from my teamâs supposed to be coming up for a night or two,â Connor croaks, voice hoarse and the gentle breeze of the summerâs day pecking your skin in an act of love. âThinkâŚyouâll all get along with him quite well.â
His point is punctuated by a tired yawn that proves to be contagious as you mirror the action moments after, eyes unbearably heavy as time moves slow like molasses, body further sinking against Connorâs. You donât even stop yourself from falling asleep, only blinking away the exhausted sting in your eyes to answer your best friend.
âCanât wait,â you mumble, adjusting your body against Connor as your limbs slot together like puzzle pieces, matched at every curve as slumber envelopes you two in a kind embrace. âItâll be good - the visitâŚand the rest of summer.â
Your words trail in a drowsy daze, tone doused in sleepiness as your eyes can no longer keep themselves open, glimpses of hickory branches and pear leaves wishing you peace and serenity as you finally fall asleep.
-
Your shift at the local diner passes without as much traffic as expected, local patrons ordering their usual with a few tourists dropping by to try the culinary experience of your average but nostalgic diner food. Due to how quiet the establishment is - Mabel, your boss and long-time owner of the diner - lets you off early and with a hug, you scurry back to your family house to get ready for the night's events. After dozing off with Connor in the hammock out back, your mother softly awoke to you with a holler sheâs used since the dawn of time.
âUp and at âem, kids. Dinnerâs ready!â in the distance of your dreams, you hear your mother yell.
With drowsy film still coating your eyes, you and Connor manage to dislodge your limbs from one another, sleepy smiles and croaky chuckles exchanged as you amble inside your house and Connor stays for a filling homemade meal that everyone at the dining table fawns over. Connor hangs back as you venture into the kitchen to wash up, a tradition you two have forged, him washing the dishes and you drying them. Not much dialogue takes place between the two of you and there is no need. For all the instances where you believed the need for conversation, you appreciate this silence so much more - how thereâs no urge to talk for the sake of talking and how much comfort there is with simply just being with Connor. After youâve done the washing up and Connorâs hugged your mother goodbye, fist bumping your father hilariously enough, heâs climbing into his car and wishing you well.
âYou sure you donât need me to pick you up from Mabelâs?â coaxes Connor, the wiggle of his eyebrows offsetting the echoes of titters that leave your lips.
âIâm good, thanks. Need to shower and get ready, anyways,â a gentle gust of wind blows, fallen leaves scraping against the cement of your driveway. âWe all know how long that takes.â
âI donât mind waiting.â Connor simpers, says like itâs the easiest thing in the world and like it doesnât demand for the city of butterflies within you to soar beyond their ability.
You flash a strained smile, giving the top of Connorâs car a pat as your posture straightens and you step away from the vehicle. âGoodbye, Connor.â
âSee you soon.â and just like that, heâs gone with the wind, taking a little piece of you with him.
Itâs when youâre strolling your way back inside the house, halfway up the stairs to your bedroom that your mom gives you a gentle call, beckoning you back down the stairs to find her in the dimly lit living room, mahogany reading glasses hanging low on the bridge of her nose whilst the quiet snores of your father and his baseball game fill in the background noise.
She folds her newspaper, crinkles running up your spine as she addresses you. âSo good to have Connie over, makes me miss him more when heâs away.â
Connor is like a son to her, the better part of your childhood glued at the hip whilst your parents cooed and awed at your loyalty to one another. He helps around the house with no complaint nor expectation of compensation, buys her favourite flowers every Motherâs day with an additional heartfelt gift come her birthday. He listens, he jokes and he cares. What more could she ask for?
âCanât imagine how much more you miss him whilst youâre away.â she comments, throwing her denim clad leg over the other, directing all her attention to you, swaying between two feet with your hands behind your back, sceptical.
âWell, we try to meet up when we can, so itâs not too bad,â your hand goes to scratch the back of your neck, chin jutted as your head leans to the side. ââŚIs that why you called me down?â
Awkwardness rarely rears its head in your household built upon openness and unconditional love, which is why the unspoken truth your mother struggles to vocalise raises a red flag, your skin prickling as you fiddle with your hands behind your back.
Sheâs looking at you now, a maternal love in her eyes as she speaks up. âMaybe, I canât really put my finger on it, really. I did, however, want to say that I hope you guys keep each other in your lives, however that may pan out in the future. Thereâs a special happiness in your eyes I want you two to be selfish with.â
Itâs a small thing, she says. A snowflake amongst the pile of snow in the realms of your mind, but as you lay in bed later on that late afternoon, staring at the gold stars Connor helped hang up in your room, your mind wanders places it never conceptualised. Inserts Connor in places in your life where he hadnât been previously - opposite you illuminated by a candle-lit dinner, dancing in a kitchen as you prepare breakfast and kiss each other in between, above your bare body as he holds you in the palm of his hand like you are the most precious thing the universe has gifted him. Itâs a point in time that despite busying yourself with dipping your toes back into your hobbies - heck, even walking your next door neighbourâs golden retriever to clear your head - it never quite leaves you, awakening something deep and dormant in you that never goes away.
Snapping out of your syrupy daze, you adorn yourself in your finest line dance clothing, slipping on your gingerbread cowboy boots before youâre tying bows in the pigtails of your hair. Your mother yells down the stairs for you and you leave in a flash, kissing her goodbye as she drops you off at Punch and Judyâs, your jewellery clinking together as you walk through the main entrance.
Much like your first night back, the bar is illuminated in dim light and sharp LED lights of varying colours. Cowboy hats dominate the sea of customers, the building crowd of the bar dressed in shades of denim and tired leather cowboy boots. Knowing the others have already arrived, saving a spot at a nearby booth, you decide to make your way to the bar first, ordering your signature berries-flavoured cider, to which Punch (co-owner) makes quick work of, the cold beverage in your hands before you can blink.
âBeer not to your liking, sugar?â A smoky, mellow voice grabs your attention.
You spare a glance at the source of the gravel voice, eyes long lingering as they capture the image of a face that stirs a flip in the pits of your stomach. The man stood beside you braces his muscular arms against the hickory brown of the wooden bar, his sleepy chocolate eyes trained on yours as he takes a swig of his tequila flavoured Desperado beer. Locks of umber messily cascade along his face, unless tucked away in his vintage black cowboy hat that ties together the rugged cowboy look he presents with the sweet addition of his light stubble. To make things worse, heâs stupidly fit, his black t-shirt clinging to the curves of his muscles like second skin. If it were up to you, youâd-
âLike what you see?â
The smug comment snaps you out of your hazy olge, a pout forming upon your lips with an accompanying knit in your eyebrows. You make a point to angrily grab at your pint glass, ingesting a big gulp of the sugary alcohol whilst the rugged cowboy laughs to himself.
Even his laugh is attractive. Sick bastard.
âComing from a man drinking a Desperado? Funny,â you have to laugh at whatever lame attempt of making conversation this man is pulling, Punch masking his misplaced laughter behind a cough as he polishes a pint glass. âHow flirtatious you are.â
You admit, your latter remark is more bark than bite, a quick chirp that refuses to feed his ego yet grab his interest all at the same time. The ruse proves to work in your favour as the sexy cowboy gives another one of his huffed laughs, his body turned towards yours.
âGive me a chance, sugar. Just tryna start the night off right,â he counters, so brazenly confident in himself that you donât know whether to laugh or shy away from his prying eyes. âTequila beer and beautiful company - sounds about perfect to me.â
You react in a juxtaposition, eyes rolling and cheeks flushing as you divert your line of sight away from the handsome man flirting with you at your hometown bar. Perhaps, heâs some city folk travelling through the town, fancying himself a good time at Punch & Judyâs weekly hoedown Fridays, a little bit of flirting on the side to inflate his ego and keep his blood pumping. Whatever reason explains his presence, you are not one to complain. Your love life isn't very entertaining to put it mildly, so you're willing yourself not to get swept up in his caramel eyes.
Against the wishes of your quickening heart, you decide to give Mr. Handsome Traveller the time of day, body shifting as you face each other finally. âYou donât quit, donât you?â
He cocks an eyebrow your way, something sneaky and sugary in the lines of his smile. A brief pause follows his actions, the soft rustic sounds of old town country murmuring from the jukebox nearby filling up in the space between your figures. Itâs when heâs about to make yet another cocky comment that your conversation is put on pause.
Connorâs voice calls your name, head turning to find your best friend standing in between you and the Punch & Judyâs cowboy of the night, eyes wide and expectant as they shift back and forth in the middle of your standing figures.
âDew, forget about Desperados tonight. The lady in bows will have your head otherwise.â Handsome Traveller nods his chin towards you, humour dancing in his smile as he snickers into his half-full glass.
Then, it dawns on you. Dew? One of the handful of nicknames Connorâs adopted over the course of his livelihood. So, theyâre acquaintances? Or closer? Your eyes frantically search for social clues to point you in the right direction.
âThe lady in bows is my best friend,â Connor explains, a bite to his words as his eyes glare a knowing look at Sexy Cowboy. He then goes on to face you, gaze softening almost immediately as his head tilts in his friends (?) direction. âThis is Brandon, or Dewey One.â
Oh. Makes sense, you rationalise. This is Brandon, Connorâs close friend and teammate on his current team out in Minnesota, the one who gets into fights he canât win on the ice whilst Connor trails nearby picking up his fallen gear. The one he told you a couple of days ago that was coming up to visit. And, of course you were flirting with him.
Of. Course.
âDewey One?â you ask, minorly deflecting from your embarrassment and still genuinely curious.
Connor inhales, as if to speak but Brandon beats him to it.
âBrandonâs just fine,â he interjects, expression unassuming as Connorâs eyes put his visiting friend underneath a microscope. âNice to meet you, darling.â
Normally, youâd wrinkle your nose at the sometimes sleazy pet name Brandon casually calls you, except this time round you find it more amusing than cringe-worthy, which is how you find yourself grinning as you two exchange a handshake that testifies to how strong Brandon is. You clear your throat to stop the circus unfolding within you.
âCome on,â Connor gestures over to you to follow suit. âCanât keep âem waiting.â
You call out an agreement over your shoulder as you go to grab your drink, the hairs on the back of your neck stand to attention as a close whisper brushes past your ears.
âI ainât no quitter, sugar.â
-
The next couple of hours are spent packed into a crimson leather booth that peels at the ends, going from topic to topic over many a pints. Brandon fits so easily into your group, his infectious energy illuminating as he takes up space without regard, his confidence more enticing than suffocating. Everyone seems to be in good spirits as the alcohol keeps flowing and as you sit back, careful eyes watching your friends engage in conversation, you wish for this to be your forever for as long as you'd like for it to be.
A nudge against your shoulder turns your head, greeted by Connorâs sage eyes. âYou ready for Judyâs Line Dance?â
His rhetorical question draws a laugh from you. âYou say that like I donât do this every time I come back.â
âYeah, but if you were ready then, you wouldâve brought your cowboy hat,â comments Connor, his veiny hands grasping gently at the ends of your braided pigtails accented with a bow. âWhat? Wanted to show off your pretty bows?â
He thumbs the ends of your hair, engrossed in the strands and its feel and for some reason, the casual intimacy of the moment inflates something in your chest, a balloon about to burst as you forcibly breathe in and out, clearing your throat afterwards. âThey're my favourite accessories.â
Connor huffs, corners of his lips lifting gingerly as he continues his motions with his hands whilst your body remains rigid with the exception of your racing heart and crimsoning cheeks.
Your mother has definitely planted a seed you cannot unroot.
âYeah, youâre almost always wearing them in your BeReal. posts. Theyâre real cute.â
For a fact you know so well, Connorâs confession comes as a pleasant surprise, one that shallows your breaths and quickens your pulse. It makes you reflect back on before, when all was platonic and the comment wouldnât have made you bat an eyelash. Now, your skin tingles and youâre struggling to find the words to encapsulate your affection past your dry mouth. So, like many others in your position, you settle for a safe reply.
âArenât you a charmer?â you roll your eyes, brushing off his grasp because you might combat otherwise, projecting your attention ahead of you to come face-to-face with Brandon, who despite the engaging conversation he shares with Owen, his eyes skirt over to you.
You look away, even more flustered than before.
Itâs just your luck when you hear Judyâs tap incessantly against an old microphone that you have something else to hold your focus, eyes brimming with glee as she announces the dances for the night and their updated partner songs. Last time you were here, they were still playing their beloved country hits and you danced along thanks to the amounts of alcohol you consumed, but their new playlist of pop hits within the past decade or so, youâre more motivated than ever to tear apart the dance floor.
âIf you ainât shy to do a little two step, please make your way to the dancefloor please.â Judy grins into her mic, tipping her cowboy hat as patrons make their way over to the illuminated space.
Connor makes way for you to exit the booth, your boots hitting the ground as you iron out any kinks in your outfit. Amidst your actions, you catch other movements out of the corner of your eyes, to which you find Connor playing with the ends of your bow this time round. Thereâs always been something so sweet and tender about him - in the way clouds are amongst a blue sky, in the way laughter spills over so easily in the presence of a found family and in how harmonies make you feel as if you're floating. But, itâs never been like this before, this intense and vivd. In a way that rids you of all thought and scares you beyond your deepest fears all at once. Youâre still finding your footing in this new territory, a plain that speaks to the existence of your feelings but has no road nor destination. Itâs a simple plain you seek to find some end to, picking up clues along the way that predetermine what the future holds. At the beginning, the animosity scared you pale and grey. Now, the end is what grasps your fear in a fierce chokehold. To pry yourself from the jaws of unhinged anxiety, you allow yourself to relax, to seep into the present and take it for what it's worth because the end is unknown and youâre not there yet. Not by any measure of time, you hope.
âKick butt out there, rockstar.â His big smile deepens the soft lines of his face, a pure display of pride in his features as he gives you a pat on the back and gives way for you to shine.
Itâs small, insignificant in the grand scale of things, but your smile deepens too and you nearly float to the dancefloor, adrenaline rushing through your body as the DJ prepares the upcoming music.
As you settle in line, you feel a light pressure lay upon the crown of your head, eyes darting to find Charlotte in the line next to you, giving you a wink before she faces forwards, thumbs slotted through the loops of her flare jeans. Her straw cowboy hat no longer, you reach up to find said object upon your head and with a chuckle behind your hand, your thumbs hang on your belt loops and let the music guide you.
Itâs only when youâve done your first turn that you realise that Brandon has also decided to join the line dance, huffs of amusement sounding from you as he glides and slides with a confidence dusted with his normal dash of comedy.
When Judy announces it's time for the partner dance, itâs your cue to catch your breath as you plan to evacuate the dancefloor. As mentioned earlier by Charlotte, the pretty sandy brown haired man whoâd bought her a drink earlier in the night circles his arms around her waist as she gives him a smitten grin. You beam at the endearing sight, about to make your way towards your booth but are stopped in your tracks as a calloused hand clasps around your wrist.
Brandonâs expression is more sheepish than youâve ever seen, his eyes distracted as they wander away from you. You raise an eyebrow.
âWho says the night has to end here, sugar?â His voice trembles partially, its edge lost in the coyness lining his smile as he finally looks at you with a dazzle of hope in his eyes.
A momentary pause delays your response, the moment used to turn the cogs in your head and sneak a glance back at your booth, where Connor was last you saw him, eyes trained on you as he simply watches the interaction. Under the weight of his gaze, a creeping sense of embarrassment climbs up your back, scolding the skin. Youâre about to give your reply when the music starts up and Brandon speaks again.
âPut this desperado out of his misery and allow me this one dance?â
Itâs so cheesy, maybe even idiotic - the words he proposes to you but heâs trying and thatâs what appeals to you most, warms your heart and sways your response as you send him a nod that has Brandon cheesing ear to ear, his hand leading the way as you two fall in line.
You havenât had much experience line dancing with a partner, the closest experience to this being a night you barely remember, happily back sliding with a fifty year old local in your college town bar who wanted to feel young again. Regardless of the fact, thereâs no time to mull it over as the music already starts and your fingers are interlocking, matching up with the rest of the duos as you dance, cowboy boots stomping as you make a scene.
In all the commotion of heavy stops and ongoing thumps of Rihannaâs âS&Mâ, Brandon manages to catch your attention, mirroring your movements to a tee.
âYou and Connor donât do this much, do you?â he queries.
âYou kidding me? Connie has two left feet, Iâd be left for dead if it wasnât for Charlotte.â You yell over the blaring upbeat country music, arms extended as Brandon glides you further away from his figure.
âGood thing Iâm here tonight.â jesters Brandon, and you laugh along because youâre tipsy and having a lot more fun than you imagined.
Despite your familiarity with the dance routine you two execute to a tee, youâre caught off guard when Brandon brings you inwards, bracing you against his hard chest before his arm circles around the circumference of your lower back, holding you steady as he dips your body slightly. Your foot is kicked out, your (Charlotteâs) straw hatâs fallen to the scuffed dancefloor and youâve just had the wind knocked straight out of you, eyes feverishly searching for answers as the bar falls to a hush.
Youâre looking in each otherâs eyes now, chest heaving and high off the adrenaline pumping through your veins from all that dancing. All time ceases to exist and itâs just two of you, sharing laboured breaths and looking for any cues for how this will end. It appears as if youâre in your own head at this point, combing through a thousand possibilities all at once to respond however you see fit. Thankfully for you, Brandon breaks the silence.
âOne night and one night only.â
The sentence sends shivers down your spine and youâre pretty sure Brandon feels you quiver in his arms as he gives a brief chuckle, hauling you up onto your two feet and bringing you back to reality. You donât really find their footing after that.
The rest of your time at Punch & Judyâs passes by in a flash, more pints being consumed over your groupâs loud chatter as the night stretches on. Charlotte and her blue eyed companion indulge in another dance before heâs whisking her back to the bar and paying for everyoneâs next set of drinks - bless his heart. He introduces himself as Jack, a new face in town and as he and the boys exchange pleasantries, the wild eyed non-verbal dialogue you engage in pieces together Charlotteâs sentiment and if it isnât enough, when Jack makes his departure, she gives him a kiss on the cheek and bides him a coy farewell, a promise to meet in the next coming days on her tongue. One thing is certain, when Jack makes his exit from the bar, the door shutting behind him, youâre yelling and shaking each otherâs shoulders in glee, stupidly happy and sharing that with one another.
Your table has their last drinks and before you know it, youâre being squeezed into the back of Owenâs pickup truck, sandwiched between Charlotte and Connor whilst Owen and Brandon sit up front. Over the murmured sounds of slow alternative music, you get bits and pieces of their conversation, the two excitedly talking about their shared love for Legos and the most theyâve splurged on one set. You shake your head with a laugh, going to share your merriment with Charlotte, only to find her soundly asleep, a light snore bypassing her punch pink lips.
âHow you holdinâ up, champ?â Connorâs low voice draws you in, a slight head turn in his direction. âDonât think Iâve seen you dance like that since we were ten and begging our parents to have a sleepover.â
The image is so vivid in your brain, two wide eyed kids that held hands as they begged and pleaded to have a sleepover, only for their polite request to be refused. Taking matters into your own hands, you dragged your parentsâ big hands into the living room, where in front of them and an oblivious Connor, turned on MTV and danced to some popular song of the time. Lucky for you, it worked. Unluckily, Connor would hold that over your head forever onwards.
Youâre cringing into your hand, face mangled in discomfort as you wish away the reality of you doing that away. âOne of us had to convince them. Plus, it worked, didnât it?â
âI canât argue with that,â Connor laughs behind a fist before his hand falls to his side, a moment of quiet between you two. âYou and Brandon seem to be hitting it off.â
A single eyebrow raises to express your confusion, perplexed frown prominent not because of his statement which is completely true, but because thereâs an edge to his voice - something unfamiliar and cold in the way he says his words - a tone youâve yet to hear, even after all these years. Uncertain how to proceed, you choose to be cautious about the matter, selecting your words carefully.
âHeâs nice,â you state, because Brandon is but something in you twists uncomfortably, feels the recognizable pangs of embarrassment as youâre subjected to uttering this out loud. Or rather, in front of Connor. A betrayal of some sorts. âYou were right about him fitting right in with us.â
Thereâs a strange shift in the air in the backseat of the car, the once peaceful quiet now becoming increasingly heavy and awkward as your words hang in the air like knives. Connor absorbs your words, stare averted as he watches his fingers fiddle with the lock of the door on the windowsill. You run your palms against the material of your denim shorts because you donât know what to do with them otherwise.
Itâs only when youâve scratched the back of your neck, eyes stiffly roaming the interior of the car that Connor replies. âYeah..I guess I just didnât know how well.â
Youâre about to ask him what he means by that, going to press him but Owenâs suddenly shut off the truck, his blinding interior lights turning on and him killing the ignition, alerting you of your arrival. Connor climbs out before your vision reverts back to normal, so you put the matter on pause and softly wake up Charlotte who sheepishly wipes away dried drool at the corner of her lips and climbs out the pick-up with you. Youâre about to shut the door behind you, though someone beats you to it.
âI got it.â Brandonâs husky voice sounds from behind you, the slam of the door following.
You send an appreciative smile his way, perhaps a bit of timidity mixed in there too, turning to include Charlotte in any possible conversation to come, only to find her halfway up the porch stairs of Connorâs house.
How is it always the two of you left alone?
âLetâs head in, itâs chilly out here.â suggests Brandon, you falling in line with his request as the beginnings of goosebump dot your arms, the roughness of your skin hitting an all time high as Brandonâs large hand falls to the small of your back, guiding you up the stairs into the cosy and quaint house.
Hums of conversation lead from the back porch of Connorâs house, the presence of your friends known as you wordlessly navigate your way through the halls of Connorâs house, hallways and framed pictures youâve committed to memory. When youâve made your way to the kitchen, you find Owen nursing a cool bottled water, hair tousled and cheeks dusted in pink.
âThere you two are,â announces Owen, fingers threading through the waves of his brown hair. âEveryoneâs out back - apparently, Quinnâs out back too.â
You waste no time beelining for the backyard, the sudden weight of your reality dawning on you the second you stepped through Connorâs doorway, a cold shower of water easing you out of the mirage youâve impulsively floated in. Once youâre outside, the cool air sinking into your skin, you spying the usual suspects - Quinn, Charlotte and Connor gathered together around a fire Quinn boasts about making. His glee is short lived.
âThat boy scouts training finally coming in handy, huh?â Charlotte banters, a suppressed smirk sneaking amongst her features as she takes a seat in one of the camping chairs surrounding the fire.
âYou laugh now but when you need someone to tie an impossible knot and survive off the land, donât come running to me.â responds Quinn, taking a swig of his beer as Charlotte holds her hands up in surrender, laughing regardless.
Youâre about to turn on your heels to head back inside, retrieving a beverage of your own, but a familiar call of your name is stopping you in your tracks.
âIâve got your cider here,â alerts Connor, expression indifferent as he approaches you to hand off a can of your favourite berry cider and a bottle of water. âBlankets are on the chairs too.â
Itâs embarrassing how much you want to melt into this manâs arms right now. Nonetheless, for reasons you know all too well, you express your gratitude in a toothy grin that he mirrors with a closed mouth, pulling you down into the camping chair beside his.
Soon enough, Brandon and Owen are sitting round the fire too and your night ends like this, light-hearted discussions under the stars as the heat from the open flame soothes your heavy eyelids closed. Whilst youâre mildly awake, you donât miss the glances you and Bradon trade over the sandstone fire, loaded questions in his eyes. Had this been any other occasion, any other person not linked to Connor, any other reality where your current feelings didnât exist for Connor, then there would be no questions asked, blossoms of wine doting both your necks come tomorrow morning. Alias, these were not the conditions and simply lounged in your camping chair, hoping Brandon didnât look your way every time Connorâs hand would play with the bows in your hair.
-
Arm hanging out of his shiny porcelain white pick-up truck, Brandon squints as the rays from the blistering sun reflect into his eyes. Having said their goodbyes earlier, Connor and Brandon dab each other up with good-natured smiles before Brandon throws his focus over to you, standing with a bit more awkwardness than youâd like.
âTake care, Lady in bows,â Brandon says, a well-mannered nod sent your way with a closed mouth smile. âDonât give Dewey a hard time. Heâll come round.â
For a split second, youâre eyeing him as if his face contains all the answers, but when he gives you that knowing look, the same one Charlotte and your mother give you any time Connorâs name is mentioned - you know. Know all too well and blush as a result, head snapping behind you to see if Connorâs within earshot. Thankfully, heâs in the middle of chatting with his brother, hands in his pocket as Quinn points off into the distance. You circle back to Brandon, the apples of his cheeks clear as day as he snickers like heâs been told a secret.
Itâs as if this best kept secret brings you infinitely closer, your walls falling as you begin to bare the depth of your sentiment surrounding Connor. Thereâs no more beating around the bush, so you lower your head as you kick at the rocks at your feet. âYou think so?â
You hate how small your voice comes out, meek and questioning everything known to man. Itâs unfamiliar and not to mention, uncomfortable in every aspect of the word. Alias, Brandon sees you - catches the vulnerability youâve shared with him and embraces you with a kindness that ushers a relieved sigh from you as he responds back.
âIâd bet my NASA Space Shuttle lego set on it.â Brandon banters, smirk soft and small.
So, heâs serious. Very serious, it seems because you know how treasured the item is to him. You exhale a breath you hadnât known you were holding.
âThanks, Brandon,â you breath, coyness coating your cheeks as your hands fall behind your back, your fingers tangling. âDonât go fighting no alligators.â
âWe can only hope,â Brandon gives his side-door a smack, rounding up everyoneâs attention. âIâm hitting the road, fellas. Enjoy the fair for me, yeah?â
A chorus of agreements go off from behind you before Brandon gives one more salute, speeding off into the canary yellow sun. The small crowd outside Connorâs house disperses and regroups again later on that day, refreshed and ready to attend the local fair held every summer and the highlight of the year.
The fair lives up to its expectations, grand and joyful with a variety of rides ranging from teacups to a catapult-like ride that swings back and forth and then upside down. Youâre distracted by all the colours, the sights and sounds that youâre so oblivious to what goes on right before you, until your vision is shrouded in black and your face is submerged in fluff.
Retracting, you blink your eyes to adjust to the change in lighting, lips parting as you stare at the massive latte-coloured teddy bear that Connor presents to you, the rest of your friends nearby taking their turns at the darts board way ahead of them.
He must see you struggle to find the words, his grin infectious as he jests, âI think Iâve finally out-conned the concessionaires.â
You must look like an idiot, or a deer in the headlights as Charlotte jokes, disbelief strikingly apparent on your face as you reach for the souvenirs, the fluffy animal so cosy in your arms and melting your heart into a big puddle of goo. âThank you, Con.â
âDonât mention it.â a smile plays tenderly on his lips, the sheer kindness he captures in his sage eyes enough to make your pulse race and head spin.
After the thoughtful gesture, your high spirits cannot be tamed as you indulge in every little thing your heart desires - laughing a little harder, smiling a little wider and stuffing your cheeks full of hearty food that makes your eyes roll to the back of your head. Charlotte basks in your glee, speaking of a glow you radiate as she snaps photos of your stuffed cheeks, a knowing smirk on her lips as she hands you your teddy bear once your food is finished. You donât reply, exchanging words through your glances as you make your way towards the second bit of rides the boys want to try.
âWait, isnât thatâŚ?â
As Quinnâs voice trails off into the distance, you find yourself turning in the exact direction where he directs your view, eyes landing on a pair of figures - one being Connor and the other being, Amelia, Connorâs ex-girlfriend from high school and most notably, his last girlfriend. Her waves of blond hair glisten in the sunshine, something like a Renaissance painting. Her smile bright and wide as she greets Connor with an enthusiastic hug, a hug you feel lasts longer than necessary.
They then go on to immerse themselves in conversation, and for the life of you, you canât look away - pry your jealous eyes away nor dry swallow this bitter pill because sheâs still so into him. Hands familiar and all over him, leaning in when she gets the chance and beaming like sheâs won the lottery. In all fairness, her lifeâs been such a tale - excelling academically, incredibly driven in all sports and other extracurricular activities that garnered her attention. And such a kind spirit too, always there to help no questions asked that it made you physically sick that you could foster any ill feelings towards her, because sheâs such a light and maybe Connor would see that too. As he did when they were together.
Youâre too busy losing yourself in a sea of self pity that you donât notice Charlotte's attempts to snag your attention nor other things at first, your illegitimate fears getting the best of you but as your posture stoops, your eyes floating everywhere around the busy fair that it pauses on Connorâs figure. Once immersed in conversation, he appears distracted, indifferent somehow as his attention wanders, wanders over to you as his line of sight floats over to you from time to time as the conversation stretches on. At first, you think itâs your mind playing tricks on you, feeding into delusions thatâll soothe your pity party, but at some point, he holds your gaze, giving Amelia a pat on the back before heâs jogging over to where your friendship group is, not even uttering a word as he slots himself between you and Owen.
âWhat was that about?â Quinn just has to ask.
âOh, Amelia just wanted to catch up,â he sounds distracted, his mind elsewhere but you donât dare to indulge, your sight directed elsewhere as you grip onto the plush teddy bear as if it were a lifeline. âShe says hi, by the way.â
You donât do much listening after that, tuning out all the colours and sounds of the fair as you ride the highs and lows of what your life has become.
-
A sense of urgency plagues you from that day forth, a hurriedness in your actions as your anxieties get the better of you, going from lounging around in day old pyjamas covered in crumbs and mystery stains to getting a head start on your masterâs personal statement and running every errand youâve been procrastinating. Your parents swear youâve become a different person - venturing outside the house before noon to visit the bank to change your address or go get your car serviced. Perhaps seeing Connor with Amelia was the jump start you needed to stop relishing in instant gratification, distracting yourself from facing any sort of music that pertained to the future and all its question marks. You still hang out with the others, more so Charlotte as you spend a few afternoons at the lake with one another, feet dangling into the water as she updates you on her adventures with Jack.
Itâs the first time someoneâs pursued her with such sincerity and charm that sheâs hesitant about his authenticity. And yet from the sounds of it, Jack doesnât mind one bit and shows his patience as they get to know each other, the smitten man taking your best friend on dates that further solidify their connection. You couldnât be any happier for your best friend, this kind of treatment a long time coming, all of which you express just to see her blush and dive into the cold lake water to avoid further talks. You chase after her, teasing her mercilessly as the thoughts still linger at the back of your mind - your own sentiment with regards to Connor and what has come from the change of heart.
Emotional anguish and so much fear youâre not sure what to do with yourself. It takes a week of mulling things over, his missing presence due to off-season hockey training for you to make up your mind, peeling into his driveway and hiding your apprehension behind a strained smile as he greets you at the door. You preoccupy every bit of silence with running chatter, because you donât want to hear yourself think, a multitude of topics discussed over vodka pasta you make together before youâre finding your way into his bedroom, the early evening sky greeting you as he flicks on his buttermilk bedside lamp.
He brings out his guitar, the same one you gifted Connor two years ago at the height of his newly-found hobby and plucks the strings, creating a melody you compel yourself to relax into, somehow ending up sandwiched in between him and the guitar as he directs your fingers to play one of your favourite songs, just because.
Apparently, your shaky hands donât make for good playing material.
âYouâre shaking like a leaf, you cold or something?â notes Connor, his looming presence over your body sending you into overdrive, your skin feverish and mind imploding from overwork.
âThis is different.â you annouce, because it is. Unlike times before, it didnât mean as much to be alone in his bedroom with him, getting glimpses into the life heâs lived and who he is as a person through all his possessions. You could handle the casual intimacy - the soft spoken whispers, the unprovoked kindness, the skin to skin contact that didnât send your heart into a series of flutters. Now, all you can do is bat an eyelash, many at that, and this you must make known. For the selfish reasons you can think of.
âWhat dâya mean?â he mumbles, clearly distracted and known the wiser to his breath fanning over your neck, goosebumps rising against your skin as your body grows rigid against his.
So acutely aware of your proximity, of the bursting feelings that thud at the confinement of your chest, your thoughts scatter like glass. âThis, Connor. Being like thisâŚwith you.â
That strikes a chord with Connor, his motions ceasing altogether as his hands drop from the guitar and youâre forced to face the music. Sink your teeth into this undeniable truth thatâs followed you all these years and youâve been too blind to see. Confront the holy truth that maybe there was more divine work intertwined in your story with Connor, that maybe the universe wrote you two as one heart as opposed to two. That, as the summer days ticked by, the sun seeping into your skin, your love grew for Connor like molasse - slow and thick and palpable that once you were aware of its existence, thatâs all that consumed you. Coated in his syrupy love, an endless desire.
Youâre facing your best friend in spite of the hellish screams in your mind to play this off as some random mood swing, a joke even, because laughter follows you two everywhere, right? But, you know. Know better than anybody else that Connor knows you, like the back of his hand. Sees right through any charade you may jester him with, so any attempts to divert the conversation are as pointless as anything. Your confession starts and ends here.
A flicker of concern mixes in the dark of his eyes, hands clasped together with a crease in between his eyebrows. âI donât follow.â
A full body sigh draws out of you, shoulders sagging and back curving, your hands casting aside the acoustic guitar with caution. Youâre back to staring at each other, in the silence of the night, caged in between four walls that burn your eyes white as you once again grapple with your innumerable feelings and the finality of it all - this longing.
âDonât you think,â you croak, question in your eyes as you look up at Connor, stifling any rise in emotion within you. â-this summer has been different?â
His sage eyes cast away, pink lips settling into a pout as he racks his brain for whatever answer you may be looking for. âNo? Maybe? I donât know.â
He adds on, looking back at you as he leans closer without fault. âIs this because itâs your last summer before you graduate?â
Connorâs got a point. When youâre trying to kid yourself into not having romantic feelings for your childhood best friend, your mind wanders to places where it has more control. Plans for after college, what modules youâll be taking, what societies you want to join, what last things youâd like to cross off your list before youâre forced into full fledged adulthood. Itâs a thought that lingers ever so presently at the back of your mind, like background music stuck on loop, but ultimately, Connor has missed his mark and you tell him so.
âPartially, but,â you wet your lips, struggling to find the words again as the burn against your cheeks proves to be insufferable. âThis is whatâs been on my mind more than anything else.â
Your point is accentuated by your single finger gesturing between the two of you, a poor attempt at best to foster some sort of confession of your romantic feelings. Because it's so scary, lending these thoughts your voice because they become much more real, spoken aloud for his ears to hear and his heart to see. For his heart to feel and what then? What awaits you once your confession reaches his ears? The unknown is scary, chilling to the bone and you wish to shroud yourself from it as long as thereâs daylight.
Thereâs a beat before you hear Connorâs voice again. âWhat about us?â
Hearing him vocalise those three words makes the moment so real, so vividly intense that it sends chills down your spine and slows your laboured breath, the thump of your heart all you can hear aside from the ticking clock against Connorâs bedside table. It ticks and ticks, signifying the curtain call to your summer long charade.
âConnor, I..â Itâs as if the magnitude of your feelings have manifested into some beast, with razor-like fangs and sharp claws that slash at the confinements of your chest, the words of love dying on the tip of your tongue as the moments hangs over your head like a gauntlet. Youâve never been so scared before, driven nearly to tears as your desperate hands grip at the material of your hoodie to ground yourself in some sort of way whilst you try to push yourself. To see this through until the very end and leave the destination unknown.
âWeâve been friends our entire lives. I donât know anything beyond being with you and I never wanted to, and I feel like that means so much more than it did years ago,â his eyes are on you, undivided attention served on a silver platter that you turn away from, for its sincerity and shine. âMaybe, I did know deep down inside what I know now all those years ago. Like when I cried and begged for you not to leave the Pas. Or when you held my hand any chance you got when we were kids, or anytime you smiled at me really that let me know I always liked you. Maybe, even love you - I donât know. But, what I do know is that I just couldnât leave for Calgary without letting you know. Even if that meansâŚâ
You donât have the heart to utter your next words, a dagger to the heart at even the possibility of losing your best friend and partner in crime. Perhaps, it isnât worth saying - this whole grand love confession because this is a risk youâre not ready to face. However, despite your thundering heart against your bruised chest and however many times youâre second guessing yourself here, the weight lifted from your words is undeniable. An unspoken truth that had been set free, that needed to be set free - whatever the fallout may be.
A snicker snaps you out of your deep seated fears, your scattered daze settling on the view before you, one you had least expected. Connor, eyes cast away from yours as he huffs into his hands, a laugh youâre undecided where it derives from.
ââŚAre you laughing at me right now?â You feel awful for even asking such a ridiculous question. At the same time, youâve just been as vulnerable as youâve ever been in your entire life - some hesitancy is to be expected.
At your question, Connorâs huffs of delight cease and stares at you at alarm, realising his mistake. âGod, no. Fuck, Iâm so sorry, I just-â
âYou used to rub dirt on me, and now you're proclaiming your love for me,â an airy laugh puffs out of his moving chest, a mixture of disbelief and amusement painted amongst his chiselled features. âItâs a bit of an adjustment.â
He seemsâŚhappy? Relieved? Youâre not really sure, but what you at least find peace in is that thereâs no sunken look about him, no expression worn that conveys disappointment and hurt because thatâs all youâd have to see to know where his heart lies.
âGood or bad?â you ask.
His eyes bounce back to yours, those same olive eyes youâve spent years looking into, glimmer with a sparkle that youâve yet to see and robs you of rational thinking as your heartbeat picks up the pace.
âGood,â he whispers, like itâs a secret for just the two of you - one that is small and fragile, but so special and cherished that it makes your heart squeeze. âBecause, thereâs no one else Iâd rather be with. Not by a long shot.â
You swear you could cry, burst like a dam and drown in your tears that overflow with such joy and relief because this is it for you. So right and settled, being where youâve always meant to be - so loved and treasured by the one person who knows you better than yourself, someone whoâs seen you at your most awkward and at your worst, and loves you because he has. Because heâs seen it all and wants to spend the remainder of his life doing so, a conscious choice he makes everyday because he loves you and you love him.
Youâre unsure how youâve ended up like this, limbs curled up in your loverâs lap as he cups your cheeks, rough thumb caressing the skin as his love shines through his gaze that blows his irisâ out of view. He looks so beautiful like this, unabashed and vulnerable, secure in love and what destiny holds for you. He looks at you as if you colour his skies and spin his world round and just like that, you lose yourself in him. Thread your fingers through his strands of umber brown and kiss him like you mean it. Kiss him long and hard, and with everything you have because itâs long overdue, so needed that you melt into him, lips overlapping as you taste destiny on his tongue.
The story of you and him, a tale as old as time.
#connor dewar x reader#connor dewar#connor dewar fic#cd24#minnesota wild#toronto maple leafs#nhl fanfiction#nhl imagine#hockey imagine#hockey fic#connor dewar fluff#dewey 2#brandon duhaime#dewey 1#dewey#residenthughes
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Hi, hope you're doin well! love your fics lmao. If I could request something? No pressure though lmao.
Just been thinking; afab argenti who's a virgin, gently helping him learn about it and through it - he's so sensitive that he can hardly handle rubbing - eating him out and he's a twitchy mess, almost squealing, pulling your hair (wont stop apologizing afterwards lmao) so something along those lines if it'd be alright? Up to you ofc
AFAB!Argenti x GN!Reader || 18+ MDNI
Warning/s: Cunnilingus, fingering, virgin argenti
Notes: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ANONđ this is my first time writing argenti, he's my first limited 5*, first 50/50 won and first main so i hope this is alrightđĽš
You were Argentiâs home. His resting place for when his travel throughout the cosmos made him weary. You were the only one he could return to and the only one that he couldn't bear to be without unlike several other things he left behind for his knighthood. Could he blame himself, though? When you touched him and kissed him like he was the only thing in the universe worthy of your affection?
Gentle yet firm, your hand held his jaw and made him face forward, his face reddening at the sinful sight of himself in the mirror, bare and panting like a dog in heat. You parted his thighs with your other hand, showing his pussy dripping with arousal and clenching frustratingly around nothing.
You sat behind him, a smile on your face as you took in the sight of him, the confident and strong knight nothing but meek and submissive in your arms. As much as you wanted to fold him, pound him like there was no tomorrow, you held back for his sake. He was a virgin, after all. You'd hate it if he felt pain rather than pleasure on his first time.
Slowly, your hand traveled from his chest down to his inner thigh, teasing him with featherlight touches. This made the knight whine, hips bucking up against the air as pleas fell from his lips, âPlease, my love, please. I want your touch, please.â
You pressed a kiss on the crook of his neck, nibbling on his skin and sucking, leaving a trail of love bites as you made your way down to his shoulder, âPatience, dear. I love seeing you like this.â
He felt bashful at the way your eyes lingered on the reflection of his naked body, a different look from the usual soft adoration you'd give him. But he wouldn't complain, though. It was him who wanted this in the first place, he wanted you to be his first, to guide him through his first experience.
Who knew you could be this cruel, using your fingers to part his pussy lips, his quivering hole and sensitive clit on full view, whispering filthy words in his ears.
A gasp tumbled out of Argentiâs mouth when your finger touched his clit, rubbing the bundle of nerves ever so slowly as he familiarizes himself with the foreign feeling. It felt weird, but also good.
âYouâre so wet just from kissing and a bit of touching. How adorable.â You cooed.
He could only whimper, head tilting to the side as his eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed as you continued your gentle touches on his clit, âI-I can't⌠please.â
Chuckling, you decided to cut the teasing for now. You inserted your index finger inside of him, earning yourself a loud moan from the man. Your other free hand kept a hold on his thigh so he wouldn't have a chance to close them. His back arched when you began pumping your finger in and out, adding a second one once you deemed he was wet enough for another.
âNnghh! D-darling, IâŚâ He stammered, hips humping your hand as you continued pumping his cunt, curling and uncurling your fingers inside of him, rubbing at a specific spot that made him see stars.
The wet, lewd noises coupled with the euphoric feeling of your fingers inside him drove him near the edge. And his toes curled, hand holding holding onto your bicep, âW-waitâ ohh!â dear, please, waitâŚâ
Your eyes remained fix on his face, basking at how his face twisted in ecstasy from your fingers alone, waiting for any sort of discomfort while your fingers never relented on fucking into him.
With a loud moan, his thighs spasmed as he came all over your fingers. He was panting, coming down from his high as you slowly pulled your digits out of him, gathering what you could of his cum with them and placing them in your mouth.
Argentiâs eyes widened at the sight, cheeks flushing a shade that rivaled his hair as you moaned in delight at his taste.
âYou taste amazing.â You praised, kissing his cheek, âI need more of you.â
His eyes curiously followed you as you stood up, a yelp coming out of him when you grabbed his hips and pulled him to the edge of the bed until only his upper half was on it. You parted his legs, placing them over your shoulder as you kneeled, face merely inches away from his pussy that he could feel your warm breath.
The knight's back arched off the bed when you drove straight into eating him out, hips squirming at the onslaught of pleasure from your tongue lapping at his folds and sucking the remainder of cum out of him, gulping down eagerly. You ate him like a hungry, deprived man presented with his last meal.
Your nose bumped into his clit, the vibrations from your own moans sending waves of euphoria through every inch of his body. His thick thighs pressed against either side of your head, his fingers running through and tugging at your hair.
He could see from the mirror placed across from the two of you how lewd the faces he was making, tears brimming in his eyes and lips swollen from how much he was biting them. Argentiâs never felt this way before, and he was glad it was you that was making him feel so good.
âHaah! Pleaseâ ahh! Nggh! More, please!â He whimpered, grinding his pussy against your face, his hold on your hair tightening as the knot on his stomach did the same.
He could feel it again, he was almost there, just a bit more. Your tongue entering his hole, licking at his walls and slurping the sticky fluid of his arousal only served to tip him over the edge yet again, eyes rolling to the back of his head and thighs tightening around your head.
You groaned, smiling against his sensitive, swollen cunt. You helped him through his second orgasm, letting him come back from his high. He fell back on the bed, eyes half lidded and spent, chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath. The way his long, red hair spread under him, creating some sort of halo around him and the way he looked so fucked out almost wanted you to bring out your phone and snap a picture.
Maybe next time, though. He was evidently too spent to go all the way, and you didn't want to overwhelm him. For now, you prioritized cleaning him up and offering him water, to which he gratefully accepted.
âMy apologies, for pulling your hair.â He frowned, placing his head on your chest, âI was too caught up in the moment andââ
Your chuckle cut him off, along with the short, sweet kiss you pressed to his lips, âOh, darling, you don't have to apologize for something as small as that. You can even pull harder next time, I don't mind.â
#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai star rail fanfic#x reader#argenti#hsr argenti#hsr argenti x reader#argenti x reader#argenti x reader smut#argenti smut#i love my silly sm
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