#apologies to those who read the tags im normal i swear

[time-woods]

redraw of that one panel but in my more realistic style- theyr being gay again

[andypantsx3]

shoto and 'when i find out who is responsible for this...' IM A SUCKER FOR OVERPROTECTIVE SHO LMAO

This one was one of my faves to write, I really hope you like it!

Damage | Todoroki/Reader

Prompt: “When I find out who is responsible for this...” Word Count: 1600 words Tags/Warnings: SFW, ye olde quirk accident trope Notes: Special thanks again to my lady love @bobawithpomegranate for beta-ing me!! Also, for anyone who hasn’t suffered a corporate job: KPIs = key performance indicators, which are a set of business metrics used to measure success in certain areas.

The first sign that something was wrong should have been in line for security. 

Ayako—your favorite member of the Todoroki Agency security team—was waving a detector wand over your clothes when she asked casually, “How’s it going?”

Any other morning, your response was something along the lines of, “Oh, it’s going. How are you?” This morning, however, you blurted, “Good! Except that I bumped someone on the train and spent ten minutes trying to get a coffee stain out of this shirt, and I feel a little sick when I think about leading the KPIs review because Shouto’s property damage numbers are up again which doesn’t look great, so I skipped breakfast but honestly I’m super hungry right now, that was a bad choice, and—”

You cut yourself off, utterly bewildered. Ayako looked similarly nonplussed, raising a slim brow. 

“Uh, nevermind. I’ll just be going,” you said, and hared off to the rest of the security checkpoints before she could give commentary.

So you might have known that something was wrong even before you let yourself into Shouto’s manager’s office, armed with your monthly spreadsheets and performance slide decks. But you hadn’t given it more thought since then, a move which proved to be a complete mistake.

Shouto was already there, lounging in the set of chairs in front of his manager’s desk, looking less like a hero waiting for a meeting and more like some airbrushed ad for his dark turtleneck or his close-fit grey slacks. Your heart shot into your throat at the sight of him, like it usually did, and you had to remind yourself to relax.

Though he was unbearably handsome to the point of distraction, Shouto was relatively easy to get along with, something that should have made you calmer in his presence. He was straightforward, possessed of very little ego, thoughtful, and a very linear and strategic thinker—you’d worked extremely well with him the past couple of years, and Shouto, though he had less to do with the daily operations of the agency, had helped push your promotion last year to Director of Public Relations. It should have added up to an easy and uncomplicated work partnership, but his personality only made your unfortunate crush on him even worse.

He was so horribly, horribly perfect. And you were an awful little metrics gremlin, called in to roast him over the open flame of public opinion once a month. Really not something Shouto might be interested in.

“Y/N,” he said, looking up from his phone and fixing you with an intent look. Your heart stuttered under those heterochromatic eyes.

“Hi, Shouto,” you said, setting down your bag and digging out your laptop for something to take your attention off of him. “How are you?”

“I’m well,” he answered in his deep tone. “How are you?”

And that was it. The damning question that sent it all to hell.

“My heart feels like it could explode any second, and I feel kind of faint, weirdly weak, and incredibly distracted,” you answered, naming the symptoms of his very presence.

There was a beat of silence. You froze, crouched over your bag, laptop halfway out of it. Then it hit you what had just been said, and you slapped a hand over your mouth in horror. 

Shouto was up out of his chair in the blink of an eye, kneeling in front of you with cool fingers on your face, angling it towards him.

“You’re not well?” he asked, those eyes locking on you with an alarming intensity.

His attention only made things worse. “I feel like I might pass out,” you said, cringing even as the words left your mouth.

Fuck, what the hell were you saying? You were making it sound like you were some Victorian maiden, ready to swoon in the mere company of a gentleman. And why were you saying this shit? You’d worked with him for years and you’d never let slip the effect he had on you—what was wrong with you this morning?

You thought back to the coffee incident on the train this morning, the way the girl whose drink you had spilled had startled, the way she had weirdly apologized to you even as you were in the midst of your own apology.

A sense of foreboding settled over you. 

Oh.

Oh fuck.

“I think I’ve been hit with a quirk,” you blabbed.

Shouto’s features shuttered, a hard look you’d never really seen before entering his eye. He went over to his manager’s desk, dialing a number on her office phone, and then he was talking in low tones, asking someone from medical to come up to her office immediately.

Then he was back at your side, easing you carefully to the floor like you actually were in danger of passing out, and not just a huge idiot with an incredibly fat crush that made you say the world’s most ridiculous things.

“When I find out who’s responsible for this,” he uttered, low and dangerous, “they might never be able to use a quirk again.”

For some reason, the threat warmed you, even as it sent a little shiver down your spine. Was it weird to find him hot when he was angry?

You clamped your mouth firmly shut, lest you tell him exactly what illness prevailed you, but your silence was all for naught.

Because when one of the medical staff made it up to the office, pressing a quirk testing strip to your skin, she pronounced, “A truth quirk.”

Shouto caught your hand before it could smack into your forehead, looking surprised that he had done so. And then even more surprised at the pronouncement.

“A truth quirk,” he echoed, looking down at you curiously. His fingers were gentle where they held your wrist.

You squirmed uncomfortably under his scrutiny.

“But then, you’re still not well,” he said. He looked up at the medical staffer. “She’s feeling faint, and having problems with her heart.”

“She’s fine,” the staffer confirmed, holding up a scanner with your vital readings. They were embarrassingly perfect—incredibly, perfectly, damnably normal.

You could have died. You literally could have died.

Shouto looked down at you with a little wrinkle on his perfect brow, obviously wondering how you could admit symptoms like that given a truth quirk, only for there to be no physical sign of them. You tried to hold down the truth, but another question from him doomed you.

“But how?” he asked, clearly concerned, cool fingers smoothing over your cheekbone.

“I have an insanely huge crush on you,” you blurted. Then you unleashed a string of colorful swears, flushing so hot you thought you might catch fire.

Those heterochromatic eyes went a little round at the edges.

The medical staffer looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh as she bade a quick farewell. She was out the door before you could catch her sleeve and hold her like a shield against Shouto’s incredibly penetrating stare.

“I’m. Um. You know, sorry and everything,” you added. “I won’t let it interfere with work. I mean, I haven’t, any of the past couple years—fuck, oh my god, I just said that—”

Shouto was watching your mouth like he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of it.

“Say it again,” he said.

You paused, staring at him. “What?”

“Tell me how you’re feeling.”

“My heart feels like it could explode any second, and I feel kind of faint, weirdly weak, and incredibly distracted,” you answered obediently.

“Because of me,” he said, like it was a wonder.

You gave him an annoyed look. Obviously because of him, who the fuck else did he think wielded that combination of attractiveness and straightforward appeal like an S-class quirk of its own?

Shouto choked on a laugh, and you realized with some horror that you’d said all of that out loud. 

Damn the fucking truth quirk.

“I don’t know,” Shouto said, sounding amused. “I think I rather like it. When I find out who is responsible for this, I might have to thank them instead.”

This stopped you short.

He what now?

“I’m sorry, what?”

Something a little like a smirk curled the corner of Shouto’s mouth. “It is generally gratifying to know one’s feelings are returned, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I wouldn’t know—” you started, feeling annoyed with him again. Then you choked when the implication of his words sank in.

Shouto’s fingers slid down to cup your chin, and suddenly it felt like every nerve ending in your body was concentrated there, the touch magnified a thousand-fold into an all-consuming sensation. 

“Would you like me to kiss you?” he asked lightly, looking smug.

“Oh my god yes—” The answer was out of your mouth before he’d even finished the question.

Shouto laughed, and then he was leaning in. You could feel the smile still on his mouth when it met yours. Shouto’s kiss was careful and attentive, but you could sense something deeper beneath, the same kind of restrained sort of passion that underlaid his quirk. Having that kind of controlled intensity turned on you was something you could have never prepared for.

The kiss became deeper and more heated, and Shouto was just easing you backwards again, still pressed firmly to you, when the door opened and his manager blew in.

“This is a fucking office,” she said, stepping over the two of you like you were a grimy puddle in the street. “Now hurry the fuck up, we have KPIs to review. Shouto—don’t think this will derail me from your property damage numbers increasing.”

Shouto huffed into your mouth, slumping against you.

You couldn’t do anything but laugh.

Current event masterlist in pinned!

[junebugg3d]

last updated: 26 feb 2022

(read this byf !!)

*on an indefinite break*

call me sticks / daia :) im a black bisexual demigirl, occasional artist, and dsmp enjoyer

i use all pronouns / neos, however, feel free to stick with one set (or not! idrc)

been watching the dsmp since late september / early october 2020 and it has very much taken over my life. you can find my favourite streams (dsmp or otherwise) here !

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blog created: 30 mar 2021

[shortprince-cos]

The Woes Of An Emo

Summary: Virgil wants at least one rehearsal to not go wrong. Also, he's a simp. Also, I apologize in advance.

Warnings: Angst, mental breakdown, anxiety, swearing, miscommunication. Tell me if I need to ask anything else!

Note: Happy Asides day!!!! (hopefully it is, this was written in advance) Remember to tag your spoilers for a week and to respect everyone's opinions!!!!

{Masterlist} {Previous}

Chapter 7: Typical Day?

~~~~~

By next Monday, everyone knew that Patton and Logan were dating. They kept holding hands in the hallway, walking each other to class, and even flirting in front of everyone.

Virgil was a little jealous, though he didn't want to admit it. They were just so cute doing those couple-y things, and Virgil wanted to do that with someone. Well, not just someone, Princey and/or Roman.

Right. Roman. Virgil almost forgot about his crisis for a minute. He has confirmed that yes, he does apparently have a crush on Roman. Great. The guy he just rejected. Wonderful. The guy who probably didn't want anything the do with Virgil at the moment. Perfect.

How could he not, though? Roman, who got almost every lead in the musicals. Roman, who called teachers out on their unfairness. Roman, who's eyes lit up whenever he talked about Disney or musicals. Who could fight someone for hours if he had the motivation. Who, when he flirted, could drop his voice so unbearably low it sent shivers down Virgil's spine.

And oh goodness, Princey. Princey is amazing. He talks like he'll run out of time. Types like Virgil's the most important thing in the world. He also loves Disney and musicals and talks about them like theres no tomorrow. He just cares so much about Virgil, letting him vent about his anxieties, and even tells Virgil all of his deepest secrets and insecurities.

Oh, heh, guess we've been rambling, huh?

Needless to say, Virgil was not doing that good. The amount of stress was driving him mad. Everything was just too much; waiting for Princey to be better, trying to not get overwhelmed by Patton's friendliness, trying not to make everyone mad or disappointed with him, finding out he actually does have a crush on Roman, hoping Roman isn't mad at him, being the prop master for the musical, and even just schoolwork. It was exhausting.

By next Friday his dads wanted him to stay home and take a 'mental health day', but Virgil couldn't miss rehearsal or he'd probably get kicked from the show.

Speaking of the show, Virgil was currently sweeping up the auditorium seats when he heard a familiar voice.

"Virgil!" Gabi the stage manager called. "Please clean up the prop room, the actors messed up the organization."

"Yeah, sure. I'll lock up too, if you want?"

Gabi handed Virgil the keys. "You're a lifesaver, Virge. If we were getting paid, you'd get a raise."

"It's no problem." Virgil said bashfully.

"Thank you anyway!" Gabi said as she walked out of the auditorium.

So Virgil made his way over to the prop room, and started cleaning up the fiasco that the actors left behind.

It wasn't until fifteen minutes later when his phone buzzed, alerting him of a message.

He quickly looked at his phone to find a message from Princey! Virgil hasn't heard from him for awhile, so he was getting a little worried, but apparently he was doing a little better if he was talking to him again!

princeofyourdreams: call me please

Or not?

That was...not a normal message. Virgil's anxiety immediately spiked at the thought of calling Princey.

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: princey, u know how i feel about random calls

princeofyourdreams: i know im sorry but please

Virgil hesitated. Princey sounded not ok and obviously Virgil had to do something, but the idea of calling him was a lot to handle, especially when Virgil was, as his username said, on the verge of an anxiety attack because of everything going on at the moment, and one more bad thing could probably break him.

He hit call anyway.

"P-Princey?" Virgil asked nervously.

"Hey anx." Princey was obviously crying, and Virgil's heart shattered. But...something was familiar.

"Are you ok? What's wrong?"

"Everything. Everything's wrong. It has been for so long and I tried so hard to be ok but now I'm really not ok." Princey was full on sobbing now, and Virgil didn't know what he could do to help.

"Hey, hey. It's ok, just focus on my voice ok?"

Roman just sobbed more in response, and Virgil swore he heard an echo from somewhere.

It must be his imagination.

Virgil softened his voice. "Hey, Princey, it's going to be ok, whatever's wrong right now will be ok in the end, I promise."

"How-" He choked "How can you say that when-when you don't even know what's happening."

"Just tell me and I can help." Virgil wandered out of the prop room to pace while talking.

"If I tell you, you-you won't care. I'm surprised you don't not care already." He gasped for some more air as Virgil heard something shifting in the men's dressing room.

"Princey breathe." Virgil turned to the dressing room door. "I care about you. I promise. I won't stop caring about you for something like this."

Princey took a big breath. "THEN WHY ARE YOU PLAYING ME?!" He screamed, and so did the dressing room door.

Suddenly everything was silent except for the heavy breathing over the phone and through the door.

What did that mean? Was he mad at Virgil? What did Virgil do? And, oh yeah, was Princey actually behind that door?

Well, screw anxiety, theres only one way to find out.

He knocked on the door, and heard the knock through the phone.

"P-Princey?"

"Y-Yeah?"

Virgil took a deep breath and opened the door.

"...Hey, Virgil."

~~~~~

{Next}

HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S A CLIFFHANGER! Y'all knew the angst was gonna spill out at sometime, I'm just surprised that it took this long! Sorry this one is really short, I didn't really know what to do to get to this point. So I just wrote Virgil simping for two paragraphs lol

@irritating-lady-knight I hope you liked your small cameo! Surprise!

Thanks to @thefingergunsgirl (Emma! Ily!) for beta reading this chapter! It was a big help!!!!!

Taglist in reblog

Reblogs are appreciated!💖

[mortuarybees]

do u have any more good omens fic recs?

oh boy do i. some of them are fics that i have included in my fic rec tag so if you’ve been in that bear with me there will also be others. basically my preferred and only accepted genre of anything is “unbearably tender” and “aziraphale is extremely neurotic and crowley loves him anyway” it’s therapeutic

at some point im going to update the original reference post with like. all the amazing content ive come across since making it but until then:

one may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel by lumosity aka @femmeaziraphale aka my very best friend

they have started another fic intended to destroy my life in which hell wins the next round and divines a special torment for crowley pls read it and encourage them to finish it because they don’t believe me when i tell them it’s amazing and i am  d e s p e r a t e  for more.

 “You know, you’re very familiar,” Aziraphale said, breath stinking of the sweet wine.

 “Oh? I guess I look like many goat herders,” Crowley allowed. Aziraphale snorted, nudging Crowley’s shoulder clumsily.

 “No! I mean that you just seem like someone I’ve known before,” Aziraphale said. Crowley felt that familiar ache in his chest. Suddenly he wished he was sober.

 “I have a common face,” Crowley dodged.

 “Say whatever you like, but I feel like we fit together quite nicely,” Aziraphale said, resting his head against the bark of the tree. Crowley took the opportunity to watch Aziraphale while he had his eyes closed. There were the same old blonde eyelashes against his cheeks, the one little drop of sunlight that formed a mole at the corner of his eye. Crowley wished to kiss his cheek only once. An apology for not losing. For not giving Aziraphale an eternity of listening to celestial harmonies.

wings and how to hide them by triedunture

Crowley's been annoyingly in love for six thousand years. What's another lifetime between friends? // if you follow me you’ve probably seen me post or quote certain excerpts a million times you may recognize it as His Body Is A Place And It’s Filled With Love.

He swallowed. So bloody awkward, staring up at Aziraphale like this, having his face held. Was he supposed to maintain eye contact? It seemed impossible. His gaze darted away.

"Keep your eyes fixed on me," Aziraphale admonished, giving his cheek a little pat. "Try to imagine, I don't know...slipping into my body the way you'd slip into a new coat." His smile was weak.

Crowley made a face. "Sounds grotesque."

"It isn't! Come now." His voice and eyes softened. "Please. Try."

Deep breath in. He would try. For Aziraphale's sake. "All right." He opened his eyes, held Aziraphale's plaintive stare, and pictured how it would feel. To be a part of Aziraphale. To be held inside him, to surround him at the same time.

To be loved.

hand in unlovable hand by courfeyrock (les mis solidarity)

“Goodnight, my dear,” he says, and Crowley swears, Aziraphale could call him my dear for six thousand more years and he still wouldn’t be able to get used to it. // it’s tender it’s bed sharing it’s “i love you in the human way” it’s quoting that unspeakable broadchurch scene its title is from no children by tmg; in short, it’s specifically designed to torment me.

Crowley’s head snaps around as if on a swivel. “Shall we… what?”

“Go to sleep? Normally I would love to stay up and have a drink or a chat but you see I really am exhausted and I--”

“Yes, yes, of course.”  Idiot,  Crowley thinks.  I am such an idiot.  "I'll uh, I'll sleep underneath the covers, and you can sleep on top." He waves his hand in a forcefully casual gesture that he hopes conveys just how normal it is for two platonic friends to be having this conversation.

everything just stops by witching

they are drunk and crowley wants to take a bath so he miracles one and they have. the most unbearable conversation ever fucking put to fiction literally returning to it to select one single quote was nearly impossible for me emotionally. god the tenderness the yearning!!!! “i like your silly aziraphale things”!!!!!!!!!! “i love you deep, angel”!!!!!! i hate it! just read it please i cant actually keep describing it or i’ll have to lay down for a little while.

 “Are you –” the angel’s voice was hoarse, and he paused to clear his throat, “are you playing some sort of game right now?”[....]

“I am not,” Crowley whispered fervently, his face frighteningly close to Aziraphale’s. “Six thousand yearsss, angel. You’re a part of me, and I jussst – just wanted you to know, is all.”

 Without warning, Aziraphale reached with both hands to pull Crowley in closer, forcing him to drop his own hand from the angel’s face. Aziraphale held him gently, pressing a single chaste kiss to the demon’s forehead, his lips lingering as his thumbs slid tenderly along his cheekbones, his fingers wrapped up in dark, dripping hair.

 When Crowley responded not by recoiling, as Aziraphale had expected, but by melting against his skin and sighing contentedly, the angel placed another kiss on one cheek, then the other. He moved to kiss Crowley’s eyelids, his jawline, his chin, the corners of his mouth, all the time cradling Crowley’s head in his hands, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Crowley to rebuff his affection.

Crowley, ever one to defy expectations, continued to allow the angel to kiss his face to his heart’s content. It was only when he heard Crowley sniff and let out a pitiful whimper that he pulled back, looking at the demon with concern.

hard feelings/loveless by witching

Aziraphale said it was like the opposite of the feeling you’re having when you say things like “this feels spooky.” Crowley didn’t know what to make of that, but he expected it was something like the opposite of the feeling you get when the only person who truly knows you makes a cryptic remark suggesting that you can’t understand love. Crowley understood love all too well. // crowley. crowley can’t sense love bc he is so goddamn full of love that he can’t see past it he’s just so full of it that he can’t separate it from just how he always is  c r o w l e y. also angelic/demonic mindmelding.

“What about - I mean, if that’s… love,” he struggled to get the word out, “then what’s this other feeling? The one that I’ve been calling love for all this time?”

 “I don’t know,” Aziraphale said. “I can’t possibly imagine.” He didn't have to voice his surprise at the fact that Crowley had an emotion he called love. It wasn't that he had truly thought Crowley was incapable of such an emotion; he was deeply aware of the power and range of the demon's feelings. He simply hadn't thought that Crowley was in tune with his own mind enough to understand it in those terms.

 “Can I show you?” Crowley blurted without thinking.

come as you are by punkfaery (explicit; trigger warning for body dysmorphia and disordered eating)

Aziraphale visits a modern art gallery, goes on a diet, and submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Not necessarily in that order. // this mugged me in an alleyway and ruined me emotionally for a whole night but like whatever. it starts with a mary oliver quote so idk what i expected

He dragged a kitchen chair out and sat in it, looking like he wanted to set fire to things with the power of his mind. He was probably angry enough to try it, too. Aziraphale moved a nearby copy of The Earth Compels out of the way, just in case. “It wasn’t really because of him,” he said. “It just made me realise, that’s all.”

“Realise what?”

Aziraphale swallowed. “That I’m not… quite as I should be. That you deserve better.” He lowered his head, feeling wretched. “That’s all. I’m sorry I didn’t say something from the start, but it seemed like a difficult sort of thing to bring up.”

Crowley’s face was indescribable.

“You thought I’d stop liking you because you’re not thin,” he said. His voice was utterly toneless. A muscle ticked in his jaw.

“Well, naturally when you say it like that it sounds – ”

“Seriously? After six thousand years of, of whatever you want to call this? After we literally saved the fucking world together?”

salinity (and other measurements of brackish water) by drawlight

It's an odd thing, getting on after the End of the World. Crowley takes to sea-watching. // michael sheen has read and recommended it. god. it starts with a quote from eros the bittersweet. it took me a full half hour to read past the first paragraph or so it’s so Much.

"I want to see you cook." (Something made from his hands. Something purely Crowley. Nothing pulled from the ether. Nothing sourced and given, no. Something made from his hands.)

He looks at his hands. Holds them up, splays them against the shale backdrop of his ceiling. His hands are always the same, day to day. They are clean but stained. His long and dawdling fingers, his bit of knuckles, his veins and tendons beginning to show a little more. Yes, more, he doesn't know the age of his body but he keeps it somewhere here, at indeterminate forty. There is a hangnail on the ring finger, there are stains of belladonna on the sides, on the rough spots.

Belladonna, that green plant sick with chlorophyll, sick with poison. Crowley is a gardener and he grows belladonna in his bedroom. He knows poisons the way Aziraphale knows the Dewey Decimal System. Yes, he knows them intimately, bent over his long counter, pulling the leaves apart, peeling the stems. Crushing the seeds. He knows not to lick his fingers after, that the leaves and berries are toxic to a grown man, that maybe even Livia had used it once, dripped into Augustus' wine. Not, really, that poisons would  matter  . It’s one of those little perks of the demon gig, that whole  immortality thing. What can get at him; what can cut it short? Only holy water and other blessed things. (Aziraphale is an angel, made out of blessed things. Crowley does not know how it might be to kiss him, mouth to wet mouth. If holy water might burn him, what can he expect from the freshwater mouth of an angel?)

birds of a feather by idiopathicsmile

Aziraphale nests. Crowley relearns some crucial facts about angelic courtship rituals. // look....im weak for home decorating as proxy or metaphor for domesticity and familiarity and this trope is literally this. i die

“Demons definitely don’t court,” says Crowley. “They fuck sometimes, but it’s—I don’t know if you’ve ever seen anything about the mating practices of insects but it’s more—like that. There’s no guarantee all parties will come out in one piece. Never seemed worth it, frankly. I like my pieces where they are.”

Aziraphale takes this all in with a series of slow, horrified nods.

“Wait,” says Crowley, “what do angels do?” He’s never pictured angels engaging with each other at all, outside of maybe mandatory team-building exercises.

“They nest,” says Aziraphale.

Crowley waits for this to all make sense. “What, instead of fucking?”

“No,” says Aziraphale primly. “Not  instead. It’s—it’s part of the courtship ritual. You have to be able to build a decent nest if you want to be seen as a viable mate—”

“Like birds,” Crowley repeats, disbelieving.

“Not like birds, birds got it from us,” shrills Aziraphale.

men have gone to heaven for smaller things than that by mercuryhatter

Aziraphale finds an age slipping away from him. // aziraphale and crowley attend robbie ross’ funeral, and aziraphale mourns the loss of the old circle. also there’s some brief dunking on bosie. i adore this fic with my whole heart

“Listen.” Aziraphale took Crowley’s elbow and dragged him out of earshot of the funeral, releasing him under a nearby tree. “It’s not that I’m not glad you’re back. Remember that, because I’m about to be very short with you, but it’s not that.” He raised an eyebrow questioningly and Crowley nodded.

“That being said.” Aziraphale took a deep breath. His voice was shaking slightly and he tried to press it back to steadiness inside his throat. “You will not get near one more human under my charge this decade, are we clear?”

“Angel–” Crowley started, surprised, but Aziraphale cut him off. Fury was bubbling up inside of him, bright and brittle and with a deeply-buried thread of exhaustion that he couldn’t afford to think too long about.

“No.”

where you stay i will stay by mercuryhatter

at the hundred guineas club, men went under women’s names. aziraphale went by naomi and he paid! to keep ruth free! for crowley!!!! while crowley slept! it stopped my tender heart

“Let’s see. We all know Victoria, of course. Betsey, Henrietta, Georgiana, Chastity, that’s rich, and Temperance too, particular friends of each other, I imagine? A few Elizabeths, not particularly creative… oh.” Crowley nudged Aziraphale until he peeked up from his place hidden in Crowley’s sweater. “Aziraphale.”

“No, dear, I didn’t put that one down.” Crowley huffed in fond exasperation.

“No, honey, you put Naomi.”

“So I did.”

“And… I don’t see a Ruth.”

“No,” Aziraphale sighed. “No, I paid them an extra hundred pounds a year to hold that one for me.”

“For you or for…”

and this isn’t a fic but another essay that means the world to me, making an effort: queer (trans) masculinity in the ethereal & occult beings of good omens by elegantidler and irisbleufic

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

FFT: you jump, i jump jack; pete dunne

Notes:

This came to my main asks via @vonschweetz​ and it got me thinking... What if I redid Barbie and Pete entirely. And made Barbie a brattier little Omega, more resistant. I still might want to do this, we shall see... It was an interesting take.

Summary:

Bratty omega meets stubborn as fuck alpha. let the games begin.

Pairing:

Pete Dunne x OFC, Barbie

Warnings:

Uhh... flirtation and banter, bratty omegas and stubborn alphas. It’s cute. Seriously. I might actually try doing something with this.

Barbie looked from man to man, totally unimpressed. Folding her arms, she cleared her throat when they finally took a break from their whole territorial thing. “Will you two kindly knock it the fuck off? And get lost, your Alpha stink is probably what’s keeping my true Alpha from making himself known.”

“You don’t have an Alpha. You could have me, but you won’t stop being stubborn.”

“I’d clearly be better for you than that asshole. C’mon. Think about it. You and me, baby.”

“All you two idiots are doing is making me dryer than the Sahara desert. Fuck off.” Barbie practically spat the words at the two men and luckily, it was enough to send them away. This time.

… oh but those two twat waffles will be back. They always come back… if I could just hurry and figure out who back here is my true Alpha…

… but what if it’s somebody you don’t want to be mated to?…

… anyone has to be better than Oney Lorcan and fucking Matt Cross… anyone…

Almost as if she’d summoned it, the scent was back again and it was… So heavy. It dominated the air and Barbie breathed in deep. Fanning herself, she leaned back against the brick wall and let her eyes flit around the room, careful to not settle on any particular member of the roster.

It couldn’t be Tyler Bate or Trent Seven.

She knew it wasn’t any of the Undisputed Era, she’d gotten close enough to each man earlier in the week to realize that they were not only not the scent she’d been trying to find, but their scents all actually repulsed her.

None of them had that unique combination of Big Red chewing gum and freshly upturned earth like this scent. And while normally, the scent of dirt did literally nothing for her, in this case it was… Like the most erotic thing she’d ever smelled in her life.

It wasn’t Johnny Gargano, either.

So far, no one she’d tried to get close to matched this particular scent.

Distractedly, Barbie stepped away from the wall and gave in to the urge to follow her nose. As she started to walk down the hall, the scent got heavier and heavier, beckoning her. Turning a corner and entering catering, she managed to collide with Pete Dunne around the same time that the scent suddenly intensified. Pete gripped her arms, a gruff swear coming as he said something to her about watching where she walked, only to trail off in mid sentence.

“It’s you.”

They both said it at the same time, but Dakota called out to her and she bit her lip, staring up at her true Alpha a few seconds, trying to get a read on how the current situation affected him.

She couldn’t. He masked his thoughts on the matter heavily.

Barbie’s face fell and she turned abruptly, hurrying over to Dakota and one or two of the other girls.

Pete blinked and turned to scowl at Tyler, who’d just come up behind him and shoved him playfully. “What was ‘at about, Dunney?”

“I found ‘er.”

“And yer not over there with ‘er why? Who was it?”

“The blonde talkin t’ Dakota and the other girls. Th’ one with curly hair.”

Tyler followed his friends gaze and he gave a low and appreciative whistle as he muttered quietly, “Y’ lucky fuckin bastard. Well don’t let me stop y’. Go on, go to ‘er.”

Pete raised a brow and rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“Yer an idiot, Dunney.”

“Don’t think she was too happy with th’ realization I’m ‘er Alpha.”

“Or maybe, she took one look at yer grouchy mug and retreated because she thought she pissed y’ off. I mean if y’ gave ‘er the look y’ gave me just now, Dunney…” Tyler pointed out as helpfully as possible, but when Pete shook his head no, Tyler grumbled and shook his head.

“Well, I found him.”

“Seriously? Who? I need to know.”

“It’s Pete Dunne. But I don’t… I really don’t think he was thrilled when he realized what was happening… So.. That’s that.”

“What the hell do you mean that’s that? Pete’s always a grouch, that’s just who he is.”

“This was different. He looked annoyed. Maybe I should just give in to one of the other unmated douchebags who keep offering…” Barbie knew deep down that even as she said it, she’d never go through with it, because when she’d realized it was Pete… Something just clicked for her.

She sighed and shook her head, shoving it all out of her mind for the time being. “C’mon.. Someone in here is staring and it’s kinda creeping me out.” Barbie grabbed hold of Dakota’s arm, practically dragging her out of catering.

She collided with Roderick Strong in the hallway. Swallowing hard, she stared up at him, mumbling an apology. Roderick flashed her a grin and leaned against the doorway, pinning her in. “No need to apologize, darlin. You alright?”

“I’m fine, just.. In a hurry.” Barbie nodded to the doorway he was currently blocking and he chuckled, moving to the side. He caught hold of her wrist and held her there a few seconds the second he saw Pete Dunne staring at her from the doorway of catering.

“If any of these idiots mess with ya, Blondie.. Come find Roddy, alright?”

Barbie pried her wrist loose and gave him a thumbs up before rushing off.

Pete’s fists clenched and Tyler muttered to himself with an amused laugh, “And ‘ere we go.” before quickly grabbing hold of his best friend and starting the process of talking him down from whatever ‘punishment’ Pete was currently doling out to Strong in his head.

Pete growled and took a deep breath.

“What y’ need t’ do, Dunney, is go to ‘er and tell ‘er that whatever she thinks isn’t th’ truth.”

“What I need t’ do, Bate, is go down t’ the ring and call ‘im out. Maybe if I make an example out ‘f him, none of the others will even think about tryin it.”

“And when y’ scare th’ living hell out of ‘er Dunney… what then? Just wait til the next time y’ see Strong lurking around, go over and intervene. That proves yer point without anybody bein afraid or havin t’ die.” Tyler eyed his best friend as he said it.

For once, Pete seemed to agree. Tyler let out a breath and then, they made their way down to the ring for the match they had.

– ( LE TIME SKIPPE )

“Clearly, me staying at the hotel while everyone else went out was a stupid idea. I’m so freaking bored!” Barbie was pacing her hotel room, fingers tangled in blonde curls as she tried to keep the worst part of her heat starting at bay.

She eyed the door and then her phone and remembering the annoyed look on Pete’s face earlier, she swore and grabbed the phone, firing off a text.

→ Hey, I’m gonna meet you guys after all.

→ No sense in me locking myself away and saving myself for an Alpha who clearly couldn’t want me less if he tried.

→ It’s that club near the beach, right?

Without waiting on a response, she showered and got out, putting on makeup and digging through her closet. When she saw the skintight little red dress that one of her friends got her as a ‘joke’ she bit her lip and hesitated. She almost passed it over in favor of something casual, her favorite jeans and crop top, but then she thought about it.

She knew who her true Alpha was now. And given that he didn’t seem like he’d be beating down her door anytime soon, was there really any sense in waiting or getting her hopes up?

She tore the tag off the dress and took it into the bathroom, changing into it. Before she could talk herself out of going out and having a fun night, she walked down the stairs and through the lobby.

Just as she went to reach for the handle on the door out of the lobby, Pete stepped in.

“Where th’ hell are y’ going?” Pete blurted it out before he could stop himself from doing so, earning him snickering from both Tyler and Trent.

“Out.”

“Out where?”

“Out. I’m supposed to be meeting someone. Can you kindly remove yourself, sir?” Barbie gazed up at Pete, tapping a stiletto against the floor impatiently.

“Not like ‘at.”

Barbie glanced down at her dress.. Before she could stop herself, she was glancing back up at him with a smirk. “Oh? And you’re gonna stop me how, sir?”

“My name is Pete. Not sir.” Pete was moving closer, Barbie was… beyond well aware of the difference in their height. She swallowed hard and fought to reign herself in because if she didn’t…

It wasn’t going to be pretty.

Self composure was harder than she’d always thought it’d be when she finally found her true Alpha.

She felt her thighs clench.

Pete was eyeing her up, almost as if he were in disbelief that she’d talk back to him.

The thought made her smirk a little, giggling quietly. She cleared her throat. “I’m running late. Either you’re going to do something about what I’m wearing, Alpha, or you’re going to move out of my fucking way.” she said it in her politest tone of voice. Pete edged closer, a hand hesitating before settling on her hip.

He stared her down intently.

Tyler and Trent cleared their throats, exchanging looks and Barbie raised her hand, resting it palm down against the front of Pete’s hoodie, staring at the door they currently blocked intently.

“It looks like I’m gonna have to be the one who walks away.” Barbie said it as she tried to side step Pete.

Pete stood there, watching her walk out of the lobby, his hand in his hair.

“ ‘at went well, Dunney.” Trent broke the silence. Pete’s response was to shove his gear bag at Trent and start to storm out the door. Trent and Tyler shared a look and grumbled. Tyler found a room service attendant and put the bags onto a trolly to be taken up and he caught up to Trent in the parking lot just in time to watch everything as it happened.

Pete caught up to her and tapped her shoulder. Barbie came to a stop and turned, staring up at him with a look of curious amusement in her eyes. “You? I thought we settled this in the lobby, sir.”

“It’s Pete. And we didn’t.” Pete’s tone was firm but quiet. She was migrating closer.. A quick scenting revealed everything and he groaned inwardly as soon as he realized that Tyler had been right back at the arena.

She’d gotten the wrong idea. She had no idea just how blown away he’d been to find out that the vanilla scent he’d been chasing for a while now was her.

Or that he’d noticed her around the time he started to smell mentioned scent and he’d been… attracted, to say the least.

His eyes darted down to the red dress and he cleared his throat. “ Maybe y’ thought I was makin a suggestion, but I was being serious, Omega.”

“My name is Barbie.”

“Barbie.” Pete repeated her name, still gazing down at her intently. Barbie tapped her feet impatiently again, her tongue gliding over her lips to moisten them. Pete’s eyes darted up, settling on her mouth and the attention that the gesture bought to it. He shrugged off his hoodie and thrust it at her.

Barbie eyed the hoodie and then him and she gave a quiet giggle.

“I’m not bein’ funny.”

“No, but… Do you think when you say jump, Alpha… that I’m just gonna ask you how high?”

“Not at all. I’d say it goes both ways.”

“I’m not putting on that hoodie. And why does it matter anyway? What I wear, I mean..” Barbie was moving closer, despite her best efforts to refrain from doing so. Pete gave a satisfied smirk when he felt her body tuck into his. He chuckled and rubbed his chin, trying to think about a response.

Barbie’s phone lit up and started to ring.

“One second.” Barbie answered the phone and she was in the midst of telling Dakota the situation when Pete took the phone and informed Dakota that Barbie wasn’t going to make it.

After ending the call, he held her phone out to her.

“Y’ weren’t in any shape t’ go out alone tonight anyway.”

“Who are you, my father?”

“No, but I am yer Alpha. We both know it.”

Barbie scoffed. “Now you want to claim it.”

“Wanted to earlier. Someone didn’t really give me much time t’ react.”

“The annoyed look on your face was reaction enough.” Barbie stepped away, turning and preparing herself to walk away. She’d never been the kind of girl to just fall in line, follow a rule or an order.

She would’ve kept walking too if Pete hadn’t called out calmly, “ Y’ can keep fighting it.. But y’ know what y’ really feel. I can smell it in yer scent. Fightin is only gonna make it worse on y’.”

“I’m not fighting anything, pal. If you want me, come and get me, Pete.”

Barbie started to slink away and for a split second, because no one was around to see him do it, a smile played on Pete’s lips as he took a deep breath to reign himself in and started to calmly walk after her.

She’d just stepped into the club and was waving at the girls when she felt him pressing into her from behind. “Okay, Barbie. I’ll play yer game. But know that when I play games, I play them t’ win.”

Barbie bit her lip to keep from whimpering and after a second, she managed to reply, “We’ll see, Pete. Think you can handle dancing with me or would that be too much?”

Pete turned her around, pulling her close.

“I don’t dance.”

“This works too..”

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphires 72

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Title & Song: Stay In My Corner

Word Count: 4200+ 

Summary: On a night out with Arthur, reminiscing over drinks at Alfie's club, a face she hasn't seen since she was young appears out of nowhere and stirs up all the bad feelings and past trauma that it brought upon her. Alfie reads her as always and finds out the truth, even if it hurts her too much to tell him herself. He delivers on his promise of no one ever hurting her and getting away it. **Chapter song is Stay in My Corner by The Arcs.**

Warnings/Tags: References to past sexual assault. Not graphically described. Language. Protective Alfie. Revenge by Alfie for Gen. Alfie finds out why Gen left home all those years ago.

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.)

Arthur had come down to London for business for Tommy. Having already finished that part of his trip, he decides to call you and see if you'd like to get together for the evening. He makes it a point to call this time around because the effects of not doing so last time were still burned into his memory when he found Alfie having his way with you on top of your desk.

You sit at a more secluded booth in Alfie's club. Both you and Arthur are drunk, sharing stories and talking about marriage and babies and life outside of crime. You would seem just as normal as anyone else if you'd eavesdropped on the conversation. You got to suspend reality a bit as Alfie made snarky comments and came and went to handle business and schmoozing as the opportunities presented themselves. He'd never admit it, but he was thankful for having Arthur around, he kept you good and distracted and he knew he wouldn't let harm come to a single hair on your head. If there was something he had in common with the Shelby's, and particularly Arthur, it was that they would always fight for and protect you. His suspicions of you and Arthur having more than friendship between you had long since passed and he was thankful for it.

The hefty payout for the job done for the country, the killing of the fascists and Nazi's had certainly helped sway Alfie in his acceptance of the Shelby's as allies. You'd told him as you rode back from Birmingham the night you'd gotten drunk and sang for the entire bar how elated you were that he would entertain working with Tommy again for you. You poured out how proud you were of him, how touched he would change his stubborn ways for you and even though you were drunk, he felt that you really meant it. You also profusely apologized for Tommy having lied to him, but he understood. He knee jerk reaction was to get angry, and he admitted that, but he saw your point of view very clearly. He'd had to test the loyalty of many men and he knew how little trust he had in them personally, so he could only imagine with what you'd been through how low most men will go when they want something. He gave you a little bit of hell for it, whenever you would ask him to do something simple, such as fetch you a drink if he was going to the kitchen, he would ask you if you were sure you trusted him to do such a thing. At first, you had taken it seriously and he felt guilty afterward as he watched your previously cheerful face fall and your shoulders slump. He'd had to dig his way out of that one with kisses. But you soon caught on it was his way of making you pay for having done it and that was a totally acceptable price in your opinion.

With no secrets between you, you were both rather content with your lives at the moment. Living together was a dream for you, getting him to yourself so often, getting to wake up to him every morning and at least get to have him in your bed every night. He had started sending you gifts again, not all grand, sometimes something as simple as flowers or a batch of fresh bread to the house during the day. He didn't want you to feel like you weren't being doted on, what with your insistence that you cut back on your admittedly, lavish spending habits. Claire had been in shock when you sat down with the books in front of her and told her it was time to go through them, organize them and see where to cut corners. But you weren't about to cut anywhere that would affect anyone else, only yourself. So you went without shipments of special soaps and perfumes from France, canceled your portrait painting, saying you should put it off until you were married and have one done together. You were honing in the ways you'd stayed wild while culling the reckless behavior you'd been unlearning with your time in London. You felt good, solid like you were really getting a hold on yourself and your life again. Alfie satisfied your sexual needs, willing to play and experiment with you and as you loved the man it kept you perfectly happy, never considering looking elsewhere. If you'd known being in love with someone could've helped you from wanting to flight about the pretty boys you would've tried harder long ago to find it.

So when you were out with Arthur one evening, drunk and happy and not a care in the world, when a person from your past comes into your line of sight it shakes you more than it would have if you'd been on your toes and sober. Alfie is standing and talking to some of his men, his barked words all white noise to you as Arthur gossiped and shared stories. You rose a glass of wine to your lips and when you freeze in mid-motion, it even catches you off guard.

Arthur's face frowns deeply, seeing your eyes go wide, your face pale out. "What is it Genny?" he asks loudly, his drunken voice an echoing boom no matter what he tried to make it sound like.

You take a shaky inhale, seeing the man in an expensive tailored suit, walking on the lower level and looking around. When your mouth opens, tongue moving and lips trembling but no words come out, Arthur switches into protective mode.

He sets his glass down, scooting closer, speaking more quietly, putting his hand over yours and lowering your glass to the table as your hand had begun to shake. "Genny. What's wrong?" he asks with a low brow.

"Someone's here." your answer barely above a whisper. "In the tall hat. The man in the three-piece suit and the mustache." Your eyes start to blur and sting, having not blinked since you saw him. You begin to get flustered. You lower your gaze and put your hands on the table.

Alfie notices the sudden silence and seeing your body language stiff he turns his attention to you, leaning over the back of the booth to put his hands on your shoulders. "Somefin' wrong?" he asks, quirking his brow to Arthur.

"She said 'ere's a man here. She's frozen, poor thing." Arthurs observes, keeping his eyes on you.

"Who, love?" Alfie asks.

"The man in the tall hat. Mustache. Three piece suit. In front of the bar." you say softly, your hands up and touching Alfie's for comfort, your face down at your lap.

"Is that... fuck me that innit Prittance is it?" Arthur says with such disdain in his voice that Alfie knows something is wrong. He signals to his men to stay where they are next to him.

You nod and swallow loudly. "I need to..." you begin, clearing your throat and trying to get out of the booth. "Please move Arthur I need to be excused."

"Right, right." he says, sliding out of the booth and helping you.

"Who is that, love?" Alfie asks, pulling you to him as you try to leave for the restroom, blocking you from the man's sight.

"I need to go to the loo Alfie, please." you say not meeting his eyes, but he could see they were scared.

"Genny, what'd he do to you?" he cuts through the needless questions and gets to the point.

You shake your head and try to move gently away again.

"Genny you know you have to tell me. What the fuck am I supposed to do when ya start acting like a scared little bird? Tryin' to fly away. My Genny bee doesn't fly away does she?" he tries to be supportive and lift your chin up.

You take his hand and hold it, lowering it but forcing your eyes to meet him. "If I told you, you would kill him." you say flatly, holding his eyes to show you were serious. He lets you go, his forehead wrinkling, eyes batting in confusion, mind firing off options quicker than he could explore them.

"You follow her. Don't let her out of your sight except for in the loo. If you hear ANYFIN' that sounds wrong you go in, yeah?"

The young man nods and follows behind you quickly.

He turns to Arthur, who is watching you shrink into the distance with sad eyes.

"Now who the fuck is that and what the fuck did he do to our Genny?" Alfie spits out quietly, his shoulders hunched and body language ready to tear the man apart.

"I 'on't know if it's my place to say, mate." he shakes his head, his lips in a tight line as he sighs.

"I fuckin' swear Shelby if you don't tell me I'll beat it out of ya. She innit gonna tell me, she's fuckin' terrified. Now, who the fuck would scare her in such a way?" he demands.

Arthur looks back to meet Alfie's eyes, they're clearly hesitant, but he knew he's right. "Well." he begins, taking a deep breath. "She told me one night when we's pissed yeah? Talkin' 'bout our fucked up childhoods 'n that ya know? Reminiscing the 'ol trauma." he shrugs. "Apparently that man." he turns to finds him on the floor again, moving slowly about the space. "Did some awful things. And he's the reason she were kicked out of 'er own home when she was but a wee girl." he nods.

"What'd he do?" Alfie's voice is deep and dark, more animal than human now.

"She wouldn't say." he shakes his head. "But my guess is it's something fuckin' awful. As awful a thing as a man like 'im can do to a young girl." he shakes his head and looks to the ground. "I don't even wanna think about it."

Alfie shoots daggers with his eyes at the man who is oblivious to it. "I'm gonna fuckin' shoot him." he says, hand twitching for his gun.

"Ya can't fuckin' go off like some fuckin' cowboy there, Solomons, he's a powerful man, ya gotta bide your time if you want to take someone like him out."

"Powerful?"

"Some member of government me thinks? Somethin' of the sort." he tries to recall.

"Someone her father would know." he states coldly.

"Exactly." he gives a nod. "She's comin' back. Don't look so bloody angry." he suggests. "'Ello Genny." Arthur greets you with a sad smile.

"Alfie, love? Could we go home?" you ask with your purse clutched in your hands tightly.

"'Course sweetie." he says, rubbing his hands on your arms. "Ollie take her out the back, will you? I'll be out in just a moment, love. Just gotta tell 'ese boys what to do for the night. Fuckin' useless innit that?" he smiles and kisses your head. His eyes are dark as Ollie takes your arm and escorts you to the back. "That man 'ere. I want him followed. But don't get fuckin' caught. If you do get caught. You don't fuckin' know me, right? Ya got it? If he leaves here, I want him followed. I'll be back later for 'im. Abe, set up the basement for me." he adds with a dark tone to his order.

"The basement, sir?" he asks with raised brows, suprised by the request.

"Did I fuckin' stutter? Yes the fuckin' basement." he hisses, his chin jutting out at the man.

"Yes, sir." they all nod and break away, Alfie getting his coat and putting it on, taking a deep breath to center himself, to put on an indifferent face for you for the night.

Alfie tells Arthur to stay for a bit, look like things are normal, have some drinks, flirt, fuck whatever it was he did these days then to come back to Gen's he'd need him there for the night.

Alfie baby's you and you don't mind in the least. You're feeling terribly small like you had all those years ago. You'd been doing so well, feeling so confident and in control and then this man who had at one point destroyed your life, stripping you from everything that you'd once had appears out of nowhere. You believe it not be coincidence. What with George trying to fuck with you now. Of course, it was London and Alfie's club was popular, but you don't know why someone who worked with your father would be at a Jewish owned club. But perhaps he didn't even know who's it was, it wasn't like he was from London.

"You need to slow that mind down, pet." Alfie says, pulling you into his side. "I see those eyes dartin' about." he taps you on the nose and let out a heavy sigh.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Nuffin' to apologize for." he clarifies, kissing your head. "Ya want me to fetch ya little sleepy vial for ya? Help ya calm down? he offers, rubbing your arm reassuringly.

"Yes, please." you give in, rubbing your temples as he goes to your cabinet and brings it to you, sliding back into the bed. "Thank you." you speak softly, taking a drink of it and putting it on the bedside table.

"You've been doin' very well wif talkin' 'bout your feelin's as of late. Would that help you now?" he asks, pushing your hair back from your face, as he laid on his side, pulling you into his chest.

"I don't... it hurts to recall." you admit. You feel him nod, his chin moving in your hair.

"You know I'd happily remove anyone who hurts you from the face of the fuckin' earth, my love." he offers.

"I know. But you can't kill him." you mutter.

"Why not?" he asks, stroking your hair down your back as he knows relaxes you.

"Just can't. Not him." you say, your words mumbling now, he knows the potion you took was working.

"Is he important to ya love?" he asks.

"No." you slur out and snuggle your face into his chest. "He's just bad." you let out before sleep takes you. He holds you until your breathing is still, your lips parted with little snoozes escaping them.

"I'm gonna get him for you, my love." he says, kissing your forehead as he covers you up with the blankets. You don't register it at all, he touches your cheek one last time before he leaves.

He dresses, moving to the phone after waiting for Arthur to come home. "Do ya have him?" He asks his men on the phone. "And he's left? Right." he pauses, rubbing his chin. "You have the boys what don't look Jewish get him yeah? Steal a car, don't let no one see ya. Get him quiet and fast. And people have seen him elsewhere since he's left the club? Good." he nods. "Get him to the basement then. String him up. I'll be there soon."

"Ya gonna get 'im anyway?" Arthurs' voice carries from the doorway.

"No one hurts her and lives." he says, pointing in the direction of your bedroom. "I need you here, yeah? I need you to be able to say I was here all night. I got her out with her little sleepy time medicine, right? So she'll be fine for a while."

"Ah. Need me to be an alibi I see."

"I do." he nods, moving to the foyer of your home.

"And what about us?" he hears Claire with arms crossed across her chest, Aggie standing sheepishly behind her.

"Fuckin' 'ell." he groans, his shoulders slumping. "I was hopin' you were asleep." he says obviously.

"She told me who she saw tonight. I know what you think you're going to do." Claire announces walking towards him.

"What I fink? It's what I am gonna do, Claire. No thinkin' 'bout it. It's good as done."

"You are right about the no thinking part." she scolds and he purses his lips.

"I need you all here for my alibi as well. She's sleepin', she'll think I've been there the whole time. She won't know."

"So more lies?" She spits out and Alfie feels his face burn.

This was a secret, wasn't it? He sighs at the realization, so easily falling into his old habits that he hadn't even realized. "Then I'll tell her after it's done, yeah?"

"She told you not to do that." Claire says harshly.

"No one does whatever that man did to her and gets away with it. She won't let me kill her fuckin' father, thinks it'd be too obvious but I'll be damned if I've not got men on him every minute of the day to do such a thing. I told her I would protect her and that's what I'm gonna fuckin do, yeah? No one hurts her and lives." he spits out, his finger once again pointing in your direction.

Claire takes a deep breath and turns to Aggie. "Go see to her, Aggie. I need to depart some knowledge that you don't want to relive onto Mr. Solomons," she says with a solemn nod and Aggie frowns, knowing she was right. She waits for her to be out of earshot, a quiet room with only the patter of Aggie's feet echoing down the hall. "You can't kill him." she states plainly.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because Gen wouldn't want you to." her arms go back across her chest, a look of disappointment on her face. "He's in a government position. People will try to find out what happened. He isn't some disposable lad who has no one."

"And I have killed people more important than 'im and here I stand, yeah? I pay the cops, Claire. I'm not some daft fuckin' donkey who doesn't know what he's doin'." his tone showing he takes clear offense to her statement. "So you tell me what he did to her so I can know what punishment to give 'im." he says moving closer to her, his voice seething and his head low. "I can see you hate him too." he says nodding her way.

"I do. I've wished him dead for years." she states coldly.

"Then tell me and we can all have our revenge." he offers.

The deal is a sweet one if it worked out. She knew Alfie was no amateur, and if anyone could pull it off, it would be him. She saw in his eyes he meant everything he said and that as long as he was around, no one would hurt you and get away with it. "She had to leave home because of him." she says, taking a less aggressive sigh and looking away from his intense gaze.

"Why?" he asks after her pause goes on too long.

"He's a friend of her fathers. Genevieve was rejecting every suitor that he sent her way. And in no delicate way. She was always very outspoken and rebellious towards anything her father tried to make her do. As you can imagine." she shrugs. "So George told her he was forcing her to marry that man. So when he was invited over, George leaves them in a room together alone, and displeased with her reaction when he tells her this... he..." she lets out a long sigh and closes her eyes. "He abused her." she forces out and waits before opening her eyes again. "I was there. I heard them and was locked away across the hall with the other girls. We were powerless." she shakes her head, rubbing her arms recalling the dark days. "He told her no one would believe her. Her word against his. That she had no right to refuse, she was his property now and after he was done with her no one would want a broken, used thing like her."

Alfie is deadly still, his face showing no emotion and that was how she knew he was close to exploding. "Go on." he grits out between clenched teeth.

"So, she runs to her mother. Who was horrified by the whole thing and approached George about it. There was fight that nearly tore that old, gilded house down. You know how bad Gen gets, so you can imagine the behavior of the woman who birthed her." her brows are high and her lips tight. "He refused to believe them, despite there being clear proof of it. I still remember how shaken Gen was. Dealing with that at such an impressionable age and then being treated in such a way by her father. To call her a liar with her looking like she did." she slumps her shoulders. "It wasn't as if she thought George loved her or anything but you can understand how she was broken by it nonetheless. He forced her out, saying he disowned her. Awful things were screamed and said, slaps and shoves given and taken by both. He said things no young girl should ever hear from anyone. Let alone their father. It broke her. She's carried those words with her all these years. They've fueled her to be better, most times, but they also fuel her demons. They made her think there was something wrong with her, deep down. Thinking there was something amiss about her that she couldn't fix, that she was unwanted, unlovable. It fueled a lot of her reckless and wild behavior. If it wasn't for Altar reigning her in, who even knows what would've happened. He gave her focus. Her mother eventually, under the guise of caring about the family's public image, of course, talked George into keeping her in the family for legal reasons. But it took him a long time to come to that decision and she had to build herself up from nothing on her own after that." her shoulder shrug, her hands up in defeat.

"That man." Alfie nods, his face red and his brow almost hiding his eyes. "That man did this to my Chanah?" he chokes out, his throat tight.

Claire looks at him with pity, knowing how much it hurt to know something like that about someone you loved. She simply nods.

"Has he had any contact with her since? She acted like she saw a ghost."

"She's been forced to be civil in social dinner situations. Her father kept inviting him, so even if she came home he was there and she eventually stopped going."

His heart breaks, his blood pumps faster, his face seems as if he's looking far away. His eyes narrow and twitch, darting back and forth in their clear overload of emotion. He knew this meant there had been no remorse from his man's end and he didn't feel bad in the least for about what he was about to do to him. In fact, he had started to feel a lot better about it. Certain things about your behavior start to make a lot more sense. Overwhelmed didn't begin to cover how he felt. He clears his throat as he felt a bit as if he were drowning in his emotions, both for your sake and his. "I am going to make him pay. For what he did to her. For what I'm sure he's done to others like her." he points at the door.

"I wish I could say I was against it." she shakes her head, her face now sad, lost in memories. "But I'm not. If you tell her after the fact, I can let you go. Because she deserves peace. Seeing her like that tonight I..." she swallows and wipes her face quickly as a tear threatens to show.

"I saw it too." he says with a nod.

"Nothing scares her anymore and she was..."

"Terrified."

"Yes." she nods and sighs. "I was hoping she had put it behind her but..." she shrugs. "Things like that don't fade so easily." she almost mumbles, but Alfie is close enough to hear.

"They do not." he says in agreement. "I will tell her, yeah? I will be careful. I will make him pay for what he's done to our girl. Be sure of that. She won't let me kill her father, but I will kill this man." he gives a stern nod.

"Be quick." Claire manages a whisper. "He doesn't deserve it but the sooner you're back-"

"The betta, yeah, I know." he says standing back up straight, fixing his coat and moving towards the door. "Thank you Claire. For telling me."

She gives a sad smile a nod. "I believe you to be the man for her. I wouldn't tell you otherwise. She's a complicated woman who has been through a lot and if I can share things like this with you and her not know I told you, then your ability to handle her better is worth the minor betrayal on my behalf."

"And I thank you for it. She will not know it was you. I guarantee that. I will be back as soon as I can." he gives a curt nod and with that, he disappears into the night to do the devil's work.

@fangirlfreakingout @jaegeeeeer @cosettewinchester @lookuptheskyisfalling-blog @brianaisasongbird @cry5t4l-w4rri0r @iliveonchocolateandnetflix @jess2464 @hardygal69 @thegarrisonpublichouse @a-flock-of-angry-pigeons @pootle @negansdirtygirl22 @musingsby-night @wtf-is-wrong-with-this @shine-dont-shadow @inkinterrupted @vale0413 @lafayettes-baguettes-1 @sxlomons @aphnxrising @emerald-bijou @elaenom @give-jack-a-lightsaber @anrm1 @ultrablackwidower @tinastarkandco @arrowswithwifi   @marvelgirl7 @they-are-not-just-stories   @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes

[gems-of-lirema]

GEMS-OF-LIREMA’S RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted. Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

(Putting it under a read more because this is fricking long holy cow. Ah, that’s the price I have to pay for 7 muses...I’m coding everything in case anyone wants to focus on a specific muse)

Mun name: Sean

OOC Contact: IMs on tumblr work best for me, I have a Discord (ask me for the link) & a Discord Pokemon server as well if that’s more convenient

Who the heck is my muse anyway: 💜 The Fool (Eusine): Has no idea what he’s doing, but he’ll be damned if he does anything w/o his Rulebook. 💛 The Rulebook (Morty): Just trying to make it through the month to provide for his 3 roommates. 💎 The Stoic (Steven Stone): Just your average rich vagabond who has a boyfriend & refrains from speaking. 💙 The Wolf (Wolf Grunt): Trusted psychic bodyguard of Team Skull. Always itching for a battle, whether through Pokemon or through their paws. 💚 The Smart Aleck (N Harmonia): The Stoic’s somewhat narcissistic boyfriend. ❤️ The Grump (AZ): Just your average gentle giant going through the motions. Always sassy and never happy. 🖤 The Rebel (Guzma): It’s ya boi. If he’s not careful, his need for destruction will be his own downfall…

Points of interest: Everybody’s got issues! :D Some more noticeable than others…

💜💙💚🖤 Most of my muses (specifically Eusine, Wolf Grunt, N, and Guzma) typically act on a whim if no one keeps them in check. 💜💚 In Eusine and N’s case, they don’t actively want to hurt anyone, but they trust their own judgement better than anyone else's (even if their own judgement is terrible). Of course, Eusine will only do something stupid if Morty’s not around. 💙🖤 In Wolf Grunt & Guzma’s case, they’re not afraid to cross boundaries in order to get what they want. They are a part of Team Skull, after all. 🖤 Guzma swears like a sailor. (Mun disapproves of this & tries not to do this in real life.) 💎 Steven doesn’t talk much, and is very quiet compared to all my other muses. He may avoid you if he knows you’re psychic, or if he knows you know about his curse. 💚 As mentioned above, N is self-centered and typically only speaks for himself. ❤️ Besides his ridiculous height, AZ seems pretty normal, even if he rarely smiles. 💛 Morty’s pretty normal too, but he’s as stubborn as a mule when it comes to personal opinions.

What they’ve been up to recently: Uuuuuuuh my main verse could use some work so all the interactions I’ve made so far don’t pertain to it at all ._.; (I suppose I’ll just call it “The Verse that Never Was” since the Reincarnation AU & Spirits of Chaos AU is basically the aftermath of it. Technically, it involves all my AUs, but that’s a story for another day .-.)

💜 Eusine has no direction or plans, he’s a NEET. He does have a major crush for Morty, but he’s always turned down... 💛 Morty really misses his old job as a Gym Leader, but hasn’t done anything to get it back. Secretly, he does have a thing for Eusine, but he’s too afraid to admit it. 💙 Wolf Grunt was kicked out of the house by their adopted father, Morty, and both know they don’t belong in Team Skull. Despite this, Morty refuses to take them back until they earn his respect. Wolf Grunt couldn’t care less, as they’ve been living in Team Skull for almost two years now. Even if they do miss him every now and then… 💎 Steven is still learning to control his curse, and will not trust anyone to talk about it or help him control it. 💚 N doesn’t trust anyone with Steven’s powers either, and may seem overprotective of him at times. He believes he can help Steven by himself. (Spoiler alert: he can’t.) 💎💚 Steven & N have been dating for 5 years, and plan on engagement. That is, if either one of them are confident enough to propose to the other. Which they’re not. 💚 Like Eusine with Morty, N can’t go anywhere without Steven, and is lost without him. ❤️ Although AZ has finally reunited with his Floette, he is still fighting the old ghosts of his past, feeling great remorse & missing his brother greatly. 🖤 Although Lusamine is dead in my main verse, Guzma is plotting his revenge for what she did to him, starting with the destruction of Aether Paradise. He doesn’t really have a set plan (besides shooting everything), and if he carries his plans out now, he’ll be losing a lot more than Team Skull… (i.e. Ya boi’s gonna die, somebody stop him.)

Where to find them: All my muses currently live in Alola. 💛💚💜❤️ Morty, N, Eusine, and AZ all share a house on Route 1. 🖤💙 Guzma & Wolf Grunt, of course, live in Skull Mansion/Shady House/Po Town. 💎 Steven’s a vagabond and may switch between living in these two houses. Otherwise, it’s difficult to find Steven in one spot. In fact, he may fly to a different region on a good day.

Current plans: None of the stuff I plot with other people pertains to my main verse, as I still wish to develop it further. (Even though I’m torn between keeping it or letting it go c’: ) Since this is getting fricking long already I’m just gonna tag the people I have active threads for/want to plot with more. I apologize to all of you c’:

@dragonfly-grunt @heartbxnd @lushjunglesrecipes @steelwingchampion @thebella-matthews-666 @trainer-riz

Desired interactions: - Duplicates! Some of the best interactions I’ve had so far have been with duplicates, so if we share the same muse, I’d love to plot things between them ^_^ (or just have them be so confused as to why there’s two of them xD) - I’m a sucker for crossovers, as one of my AUs (Spirit of Chaos) is a crossover in and of itself. Here’s a list of all the fandoms I’m willing to interact with ^_^ - Feel free to interact with my AUs too! I love them all c: (you can find them in Rule 8 of the rule’s page.)

💜 For Eusine: He needs to learn that he can’t always depend on Morty to decide everything for him. This could be done by virtually anyone, though he does have a crush for Gym Leader Jasmine in my main verse. Oh yeah, and he needs a job. Or money. Or possibly both. 💛 For Morty: Any Sabrina muses or other Pokemon League muses with psychic powers? Sabrina may give Mortimer the motivation he needs to get his Gym Leader job back...if only because he hates her guts ._. (This could also be true in any other psychic’s case) 💎 For Steven: Steven may be the best option for any crossover interactions, only because his curse allows him to travel between different realities, and even merge realities if he’s not careful… (not to say that he’s the only muse I’ll use for crossovers: all my muses are open for that ^_^) 💙 For Wolf Grunt: They’re a lone wolf when it comes to Team Skull (pun intended), and actually have a hard time opening up to any other grunt. Deep down, they're homesick...not entirely for Morty’s home, but for Sinnoh. If there are any muses from Sinnoh, Wolf Grunt may latch onto you like a leech ._. 💚 For N Harmonia: Somebody help the poor tree boy learn that self-gratification is not the same as self-confidence c’: Yes, N actually has a really low self-esteem (as he’s still trying to find himself & his purpose), and only acts narcissistic as a facade to hide his true emotions. 💚 Also, since N talks to Pokemon, I’d love for him to interact with some Pokemon muses (again, not to say that I’ll only use N for interacting with Pokemon muses ^_^) ❤️ For AZ: Lysandre muses! AZ needs to learn that it’s ok to love his family. Even if he’ll act pretty hostile to Lysandre at first, deep down he wants nothing but the best for him. He sees his brother in Lysandre, and if he’s not true to his feelings, he may end up ignoring Lysandre like he did to his brother (which is the last thing he wants). ❤️ Otherwise, somebody. Hug the gentle giant. Please. Just. Go into my inbox right now and hug him. I’m a sucker for AZ hugs c’: 🖤 For Guzma: Er...I already get enough interaction with Guzma as is...But he does have a secret power that no one, not even himself, knows about. That’s all I’ll say...

Offered interactions: 💜 Eusine’s a musician: in fact, it’s his passion! If your band needs a drummer, he’s your guy. He’s also great for livening up parties, as he loves to do water tricks for anyone. 💛 Morty has his own Psychic reading business! Worried about the future? Old ghosts of the past keep haunting you? Or are you just curious about your lucky numbers? Morty can do it all. (interactions will need to be plotted first of course...unless you don’t mind any infomodding ._.; ) 💎 Steven doesn’t really have anything to offer...unless you’re itching for some reality-warping shenanigans. This can range from turning water into wine or turning the moon into a blood-red moon (again, must be plotted first, considering how reluctant he is with using his powers &  dark his powers can become…) 💙 Wolf Grunt can, and will, beat you up. In fact, they’re looking for someone to fight with everyday. 💚 N doesn’t have much to offer either...Unless you’re a Pokemon. He loves speaking to wild Pokemon. ❤️ AZ can do pretty much anything: cooking, playing musical instruments, designing clothes. The only person holding him back from doing it all is himself. 🖤 Like Wolf, Guzma can and will beat you up. He’s always armed.

Current open post/s: Check the #open rp tag & the #prompts tag, those are always open ^_^

Anything else?: - I live in US Central Time if that helps - All links to my muse’s pages & their relationship to each other can be found in the rules page (Rule 8 specifically) - Please for the love of AZ someone critique me on my main verse it sucks

Tagging: No. You can do this if you want & say I tagged you.

[amoristt]

Watching Angels II | Nathan x Reader

disclaimer: i know nathan is not a good person. i am not putting a blanket over his actions in this fic. i, the writer, understand he’s not an innocent character and has made many terrible choices. im just answering people’s requests, please dont put me under the fire for it.

thank you.

Anonymous asked:  Could you write the 2nd part of Watching Angels? It's amazing +  From the Drabble list... Could you write Fluff 5 for Nathan? :D

sorry this one turned out so much shorter than the rest! for some reason i had an issue writing it... i hope you guys enjoy regardless <3 the preview looks kinda bad but i swear this is some sort of fluff!

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this!

story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!

Warning: language

Nathan’s phone shattered the second it hit the ground, and you watched in silence. He was fuming now, shoulders squared, jaw tensed, hands balled tight into fists. Though you weren’t yet sure what had happened you could guess what it was: his father. Normally you’d refuse to be around someone who’s entire personality could shift in just seconds but with Nathan it was different. He had no grip on his anger and you knew this, but he did too, because when you took a step back he saw the uncertainty in your expression and instead of punching a wall like he so obviously wanted to he roughly sat down on the futon across from his bed. He gripped at his hair and seethed, body nearly quaking in anger.

“Nathan,” You called, voice soft and hesitant. It felt like just a second ago you were both laughing. “Was it your da-”

“Yeah.” He interrupted you. He covered his face with his hands and you could hear him trying to manage his breathing. That’s good, learn to control yourself. You moved to sit on the bed across from him, leaning forward and trying to see any expression you could make out beneath his thin fingers.

“What happened?” You asked. He just shook his head, and you knew he’d rather not talk about it. At this point, though you didn’t even need to know. His father probably bitched at him for getting into trouble, had his sister work as some sort of pacifier to try and get him back inline, and it had backfired.

My entire fucking family hates me, he’d once screamed at you. Kristine thinks dads just some big bully, she doesn’t fucking get it! No one does!

But, you did. Of course you didn’t know every last dark ‘Prescott’ secret, but you’d known enough. You knew his sister was just trying her best to help Nathan, make him feel less traumatized than he was, but in turn it never worked. She talked to him like she was talking to a child who’d gotten into an argument with a friend, but Nathan wasn’t a child, and Sean most certain was not a friend.

Sometimes it made you upset how he was treated. Nathan was troubled, and he needed help, but he wasn’t… Evil. He had his moments, yes, where you’d wonder if there were sides to him that you’d never known but he’d always come back to you, apologize. He was such an angry soul but along with all the hate there was good, he just needed the right person to bring it out. There were so many people that would use Nathan for bad just because he was easy, because he was always looking for some sort of validation, and it was a scary thought to realize that.

“No one understands.” Nathan said into his hands. “Everyone hates me.”

Your brows knit in worry, and before you could stop yourself you were up and bounding for the futon. It would have been easy for him to shove you away, yell at you to get out, but he grew quiet as you sat down beside him. When you ran your hands from his shoulders, down to the small of his back, he leaned to the side against you. It was a great improvement when you compared it to the times he’d refused any help from you. He said it was because he didn’t need anyone’s help, especially not from you, but you knew it was all a ruse. He hated being seen as weak, so you learned to not take his fury-induced words personally.

“I don’t hate you,” You murmured. “I could never hate you.”

“You could,” He argued, though it was a losing war. He was already giving up. “You will.”

“I won’t.” Softly you made circles at the small of his back, watching him carefully. From the minute Nathan had picked up the phone you knew this was coming. It was jarring to see him stand up and whip his phone at the floor, and it was even scarier to see the screen break apart at the blunt force, but you stayed, and you waited for this moment. In his bouts of anger there was always this moment.

It was small and quick, barely there if you blinked twice, but you’d learned to harbor the few seconds when he’d lean against you. Sometimes he would just sit there in silence, and sometimes… Sometimes he would cry. And then you would cry, and you would tell him one day this would all be over, and it would just be the two of you with the big open world. He’d nod, wipe his eyes in frustration, and say he knew, but in some ways you knew these things were just… words.

You wanted nothing more than to ditch Arcadia Bay, and ever since you’d brought it up with him it was a constant thought, but deep in your heart you knew you would likely be tied to Arcadia Bay forever. Plus, even after everything, Nathan still seeked the approval of his father. He could yell, curse, break things and swear up and down that he hated his father's guts, wanted nothing but to break away from the Prescott name, but in the end you knew he wanted to do right by his father. It saddened you to think about how he was chained like that, stuck between hating his father and needing to live up to his expectations. It fucked him up beyond belief.

So, for now, the only thing shoved into a suitcase was the thoughts and plans of leaving the city. You’d leave a note attached to the zipper that read, “For the future”, and you’d shove it into the back of your mind.

Your eyes found their way to the floor, catching on his broken phone. The first time you saw him destroy his cellphone you were worried you wouldn't be able to call or message him anymore, and then it turned out the next day he’d gotten a brand new one. After that you lost count of how many he went through.

“Can we go?” Nathan suddenly spoke, and you looked at the digital clock by the wall. The dorms would be locking up soon but you nodded anyways.

“Yeah,” You said. “Where do you wanna’ go?” Nathan shrugged, and you leaned your head back in thought. “Beach?”

Even though it was cold out, summer still being months away, he agreed.

When you stood up he followed, rolling his shoulders and taking in a much needed deep breath. He inspected the broken phone on the floor and you were scared for a second he would get mad all over again, but instead of restarting his cycle he just shook his head in irritation and grabbed his varsity jacket from the top of his bed. You in turn leaned down, grabbed your shoes and slipped them on before throwing on a light jacket.

Outside was much colder than you’d initially thought it would have been. Your breath was visible every time you breathed out, and even though there was no snow on the ground there was some soft frost lining over the grass. As much as you hated goosebumps and shivering, you were grateful that this was the worst winters could be in Arcadia Bay. You’d rather have this than 3 feet of snow and icy roads.

You tried to maintain yourself in front of Nathan, fingers subconsciously gripping your forearms as you fought the urge to shake. Nathan would give you his jacket rather you’d want it or not if he found out you were cold, and even though you did like wearing it you’d rather he kept it for himself today.

The thought made you smile, though. Big bad Nathan Prescott would totally give you his only jacket in order to make sure that you were feeling okay. People would go nuts if they’d learned that little tidbit, but then again maybe they wouldn’t. They’d ignore anything that could potentially make Nathan seem like he was human.

“Ugh, he’s only doing that because ‘he's got possessive issues,” someone would say. “Yeah, he’s a total freak.” Another would add. You frowned bitterly at knowing how some people treated him.

“What is it?” Nathan suddenly asked, pulling you out of your thoughts. His hands were shoved into his pockets and he was looking down at you, probably wondering why you were looking so crossed for no apparent reason.

You shook your head. “Nothing, I’m just thinking.”

“Whatever you say.”

As he turned his gaze back down the ground, you looked up at him. He obviously wasn’t nearly as upset as he had previously been, but there was still something swimming beneath his skin. You could see it in the way he didn’t shiver in the cold like he normally did. He hated colder temperatures, and whenever it was even slightly chillier out he’d shake even with the aid of his jacket. This time, however, he didn’t, which led you believe his mind was still racing with whatever his father had said to him earlier. How could he think about how cold he was when he was remembering his father's shitty words?

Worried, you wondered if you should try to hold his hand, remind him that you’re there for him. When you two were alone he wasn’t against it, but maybe right now wasn’t the best time. He scared you, but not in a frightening way. You weren’t scared of what he could do to you, no, you were scared of what he could do to himself. Should he blow up at you, cross some sort of line you’d made in the imaginary sand, he’d always mellow out at some point and try to make it up to you. However when it came to himself he owed no apologies. He liked to pretend nothing could cut him, that words were only sticks and stones that would bounce clean off, but you knew better. You knew better than anyone else that words could fuck him up just as easily as a fist could, but those marks were much harder to see than bruises.

He was so reckless with himself, doing all these drugs, getting into trouble. He didn’t care whatsoever what happened to him and it worried you so bad. At one point you’d accidentally started an argument about it with him- and even though you hated fights it turned out pushing your relationship further than it was before.

You can’t do this to yourself, you’d cried at him, and when he asked why you said, It’s not fair to me.

You told him it scared you. You told him with tears in your eyes, a shaky voice, and tight fists that you loved him so much and you couldn’t handle the thought of one day learning you were found dead in some ditch. 

It was in that moment that Nathan learned someone loved him, and he had no idea how to handle it.

At first he was pissed. He stormed away and for the first time you almost gave into your anger and put a hole in your wall.

But then, hours later and without a word, he came back. He pressed you to your mattress and told you he was sorry, and you believed every word.

He’d gotten just a little bitter after that entire ordeal. Finally he started answering you when you called, and along with that he stopped turning his back on you when you tried to help him. It was a hard journey to where you were now but you earned it, and you were going to keep it.

Arriving at the beach and finding a spot in front of the coast, you two sat beside each other but kept some sort of distance. You didn’t force yourself closer, knowing that at first he needed space before gradually making his way closer to you. Even though you wanted nothing more than to grab him, hold him close, you taught yourself to wait. Being patient with him was rewarding.

Thanks to the shorter days the moon was well out by the time he started scooting closer to you. The stars were beautiful, as was the ocean, and feeling his fingers tentatively tug at your arms made it all the better. He found a spot right behind you, holding your back to his chest as his arms wrapped around your waist. He would only cuddle you in the dark but that was okay, you’d accept it. However, outside in the cold, you forgot to stop yourself from shivering when a gust of wind cut through you. Without a word Nathan pulled back for a moment and you sighed knowingly, already about to argue with him to keep his jacket on, but he took it off too quickly and shoved it over the top of your shoulders like a makeshift blanket.

“And they say romance is dead.” You mumbled to yourself in defeat, slumping your shoulders but tugging it closer to you nonetheless. Finally you stopped shivering.

“Be quiet,” He breathed, finding his way back against you. “Are you warm enough?”

A smile found it’s way to your lips. If you ever happened to tell anyone that Nathan, the dangerous, asshole-rich-kid gave you the jacket off his back, affectionately asking if you were warm enough, they’d laugh at you. Even you yourself would have been shaking your head in disbelief at the scene, but now you’d learned enough about him to know that even though he was an asshole he still had some good in him. It all came back around to people not knowing who he truly was, but you stopped yourself from thinking about it all before you got angry again. Right now you were safe with Nathan, and so you were more than content.

“Are you feeling better?” you asked softly. Nathan shrugged behind you, and you bit at your cheek, daring to take a leap. “You know.. You shouldn’t care what he thinks.”

Nathan bristled against you and you almost groaned at your own stupidity. Way to ruin a nice moment.

“I don't.” He managed quietly, but you knew better.

“Nathan I’m serious. If he doesn’t care enough to get to know you then you shouldn’t care enough t-”

“I said I don’t fucking care what he thinks.” He snapped, and you went silent. You heard him give a deep breath before speaking, quieter this time, taking the time to sound calmer. “I don’t care. Not anymore.”

You watched the moon. “What changed your mind?”

His chin rested atop your head, and when no answer came you smiled.

When his anger subsided Nathan was always a tired soul. In the heat of the moment he had enough power to bend the world around him it felt like, and despite knowing him you sometimes feared you would get in the crossfires of his meltdowns. But, it never stopped you. You’d step right into his hurricane, mollify him, ease him into a softer state of mind. It took so much out of him mentally and physically, and often when his fire faded from the edges you could see how burnt out he was. He was a melting candle that hid behind an impressive flame, and in order to stop him from completely falling to pieces you had to douse it.

This, sitting with him at the beach as though it was summer all over again, is how you doused him. The sand was soft beneath your legs, fingers drifting through the particles that fell atop one another. Neither of you cared that sand would be stuck in your clothes for the rest of the evening. Sitting with him, watching the stars and the slowly pulling tide... Sand didn’t matter. 

You looked out to the dark horizon, finding where the water met the sky. Under the moonlight, resting atop buoys, you noticed two ducks perched side by side. You smiled.

“Those birds,.” You started, blinking slowly at the scene in front of you, “They’re us.”

Nathan breathed a laugh and you imagined him rolling his eyes. “Shut up.” He said.

“Wouldn’t it be nice, though?” You ran your fingers through the sand again, sighing. “Not having to worry about anything, just kinda relaxing together.”

For a moment Nathan was quiet, then he spoke again. “Remember what you said, the whole ‘we could run away after Blackwell’ thing?”

His voice was strangely fragile and you swallowed, nodding. “Yeah?”

There was another pause.

“Let’s do it.”

You didn’t turn to look up at him, staring forward at the seemingly endless ocean. In the silence his arms came to wrap tighter around you, squeezing you to him, and you felt your heart pick up. You were so entirely afraid, your stomach was churning, anxiety holding you tight. But, your fingers came up, held gently on his bony arms. Everything seemed to come to a stop, as if the world had ceased turning. The coast didn’t even seem to be moving anymore. The entire world teetered on the edge, waiting for your fateful answer, but Nathan already knew what it was. You said it anyways.

“Okay.”

Beneath the moonlight, the ducks flew away.

[kaitymccoy123]

Upside Down (part 1)

Intro: Hello and welcome to Kaity’s heart in post form.  If you need me, I am currently 600 kilometers deep in the Scotty trashcan, with no sign of escape (not that I want to).  So please enjoy all my feelings out in the open.  This fic ended up being 7,500 words long so I split it up into multiple parts.  Some are long, some are short.  All are good.  I hope. 

Pairing: Scotty x reader (and best friend!Jim Kirk)

Word Count:1,454

Warnings: totally 100% fake engineering everything, (I was too lazy to actually come up with proper terms so I just made up words), eventual injury, swears.

Summary: So basically the starting point for this fic was Scotty x reader who loves engineering as much as he does.  So that’s where I went with this fic.  You are second-in-command engineer and Scotty one day ends up being in charge, much to your chagrin.  You butt heads.  Scotty gets hurt.  Feelings get hurt (mostly my own).  Welcome to my trashcan.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

-Enjoy!-

“So you’re saying you would never have sex with me.”

“James Tiberius Kirk if you were the last person on earth I would copulate with a turtle before I even considered you.” You deadpanned, strapping your tool belt to your hips as you got ready to leave and turned to the frowning Captain who was leaning against the door frame. 

“Really funny.” Jim griped sarcastically, and you sauntered up to him, swinging your hips in just the right way, and you saw his eyes fall and he shook his head. 

“It’s only funny because it’s true, Jimbo.” You reached up and slapped his cheek twice, flashing a million dollar smile before pushing past him. 

“You know, this means I owe Uhura 5 bucks.” Jim called as you made your way to the engineering room. 

“That’s your own fault, you idiot.” You called back, laughing as you turned down the next hallway, finally out of his sight.  

“Hey, Bobby!” You shouted as you entered the automated doors, instantly smiling at the comforting smell of metal and sound of whirring machinery. 

“Lass, what’s with all the yelling?” An unfamiliar voice sounded from somewhere in the room and you leaned over the railing to look down and saw a man in a red shirt looking up at you. 

Suddenly, a hard hand clapped you on the shoulder and you nearly jumped out of your skin.

Spinning around you saw Jim again and scowled, taking a few deep breaths to calm your nerves. 

“Yeah, Bobby doesn’t work here anymore.” Jim said matter-of-factly. 

Your jaw fell open in disbelief, “What!?”

“He had to take sudden leave for… reasons, and this is his replacement.  Get up here Scotty!” Jim yelled and you continued to look at him incredulously. 

You heard heavy footsteps climb the metal stairs and saw this new man emerge from behind Jim.  

“Aye, Jim, I’m in the middle of re-calibrating the central system, whichever lunatic was here last converted the quantum regulator so it only picks up certain wave lengths…” The man started, his hands waving wildly and his thick accent made it hard to understand him, you assumed Scottish.

“The ship only needs to read the wave lengths that it could actually come across.  The settings before were set to pick up literally any wavelength, and it was using way too much power.” You interrupted, spinning on the man, your hackles raised at the newcomer. 

“Well what if ye come across IgT-3 wavelength?  Huh?  How are ya gonna go about picking tha’ up?” The man started, stepping towards you. 

“Well since that wavelength doESN’T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE, I can say we’re pretty safe.” You snapped, your hands tightening into fists. 

“It’s a wavelength, lass, not a damn unicorn!” The man argued and you were about to rip into him when Jim stepped in between you two. 

“Alright!  That’s enough, you two, you’re going to have to be working together, so you better cut it out!” Jim yelled, but he had a weirdly pleased look on his face. 

Jim turned and stepped to the side, indicating to the yelling Scottish man, “Y/N, this is Montgomery Scott, our new chief of engineering.  And Scotty,” Jim gestures to you now, “This is Lieutenant Y/N, who was Bobby’s right hand down here for the past two years.”

You reluctantly nodded at Scotty, the defensiveness you felt from before fleeing from you as you took in the older man.  He had wispy red-brown hair, brown eyes, and a furrow to his brow that looked like it was permanently part of his face.  Overall, he was quite handsome if not soft-looking, like a little bear cub, and you cursed yourself for thinking so as you had just screamed at him.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I do have to get back to running this ship.” Jim said, “Can I trust you guys not to kill each other for at least the rest of your shifts?”

Jim didn’t even let you or Scotty respond before he clapped his hands together, “Good!”

You scowled at Jim as he walked out and he looked back, giving you a wink before disappearing behind the automated doors.  

Turning now to Scotty, who was looking at you like you had a third eye, you gave him a weak smile. 

“Guess we’re going to be spending a lot of time together.” You shrugged. 

“I guess so.” Scotty stuffed his hands into his pockets and swung on his heels. 

“We don’t need the EL4-R wavelength detector either.” You said, meeting his eyes with a flash of amusement. 

“Well ye better have a good explanation for tha’, lass, because I am pretty stubborn.” Scotty gave you a smirk before turning and walking down the metal stairs, you quickly following behind him, beginning to heatedly defend the system you and Bobby had worked so hard to develop.  

“What are you staring at me for?  Am I doing something ‘wrong’ again?” You growled as you turned to Scotty and straightened out your shirt, throwing on your worst glare. 

It was a week into working with Scotty and things were not going well.

“You’d be much better off making those changes from th’outside, using the computer, rather than crawling up in there, ye might get stuck.” Scotty noted, crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow as he took in your grease-covered appearance. 

“You calling me fat, Mr. Scott?” You leered, pulling off your gloves slowly. 

“N-no, not at all, I jus’…” He sputtered, clearly taken aback by the question. 

“I went in because a belt was loose, and that is not something you can fix from the outside.” You explained, your voice threaded with bitterness, and stalked back to your workstation, Scotty right on your heels. 

“Lass, if we’re going to work together you’re gonna have t’stop being so… SO…” Scotty ranted and you spun on him, fury filling your veins. 

“What?!  Stop being so what, Mr. Scott?”

“SO DAMN INSUFFERABLE!” Scotty exploded, his arms flailing and his stance became defensive. 

“Mr. Scott, this is my ship, and it has been my ship for the past two years, so if I seem insufferable, it’s because you are on MY turf, trying to change the things that I programmed MYSELF.  It borders on insulting.”

“Lassie, half of the things yer able to program on this ship wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for me.”

“Well I’m sorry your such a traditionalist, then, because TIMES CHANGE, OLD MAN!” You didn’t mean to call him old, but the insult just slipped out and you tried to apologize immediately, “I-I, didn’t mean that, I’m sor-”

“Get out.” Those two words made you snap your mouth shut with a click of teeth.  

You looked up to see Scotty’s expression was impassive and unreadable, his stance straight an unforgiving as he spoke, "Your shift is done for today.  You are dismissed.“

"I-I…” You were speechless, you never expected him to get this angry.

But as you met his eyes and saw how serious he was, your anger was renewed. You weren’t going to let him treat you like a child, and if he wanted you to leave, so be it.  You stalked passed him, grabbed your jacket, and you left, fairly sure that steam was coming out of your ears.

“Jim, he is intolerable, impossible, I-I can’t work with him.” You seethed, nearly crushing the glass that you held between your fingers. 

“You and him are exactly the same.” Jim chuckled, nursing his own drink, and you wanted to wipe the smile off his face. 

“We are not.  You can’t tell me I am half that stubborn." 

"If anything you are double as stubborn as he is.  Try to get past that, you guys have so much in common that you should be inseparable.”

You snorted, “Inseparable.  HA.  Jim, I can barely get through a work day without that man berating me for pressing a key on the keyboard.  I can’t wait to leave my shift everyday, just to get away from him.”

Jim shook his head, still smiling that knowing smile he seemed to always wear, his blue eyes sparkling as he looked to you, “Just consider this one thing.  On your evening off, away from the ever-insufferable Scotty, you have not stopped talking about him.  What does that say?”

You rolled your eyes as Jim stood, patted you on the shoulder, and left.  

Was Jim right?  You seemed to always be talking about him, most of the time complaining, and your thoughts nearly always roaming to his red-brown hair and kind eyes.  

No.  You shook your head, dispelling the thoughts.  When Bobby was back, everything would return to normal.  Everything that had been turned upside down would right itself.  Right?

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you liked it!-

Permanent Tag list (let me know if you want to be added/removed):  @feelmyroarrrr @jefferson-in-the-tardis@anyakinamidala@digitalmoonhowell @trekken81@fandomheadrush@kirkaholic123 @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11

Upside Down Tag List (let me know if you want to be tagged in the series): @whatif-animagineblog @youre-on-a-starship

[missjugheadjones]

Jealousy Pt8

Word Count: 1521

    A/N: IM BACK WITH JEALOUSY! I needed to take a break to try to figure out where to take the story next, and here in these next few chapters a new kind of jealousy will be taking over. A darker kind, but of course I'll keep up with the relationship drama lmao. Hope you enjoy! Much love!

MasterList

                                 • • •

    "Y/N! Tell me what's going on now!" Betty yelled.

    "We don't know where Archie is, he's disappeared."

                                 • • •

    "What do you mean he's disappeared?" Betty whispered, shock rendering her almost speechless.

     "I mean Jughead and Fred have no idea where he is." Y/N yelled. Betty's eyes widened, and Y/N immediately filled with regret. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice, it's just that I'm worried about him." she apologized.

    "Don't worry about it, let's just go find him." Betty whispered, taking Y/Ns hand and pulling her away from Pops.

                              • • •

    "Do we know the last place they saw him?" Betty asked, taking out her phone and turning on the flashlight to break the darkness of the school.

     "His house, his phone was left there." Y/N whispered, taking out her phones flashlight as well.

    "How do we know he still isn't there? It is Archie, he's been acting weird lately." Betty asked, and Y/N shook her head.

    "Well considering Fred is looking for him too, I doubt he's at his house." Y/N said, slowly walking down the hall. Y/N stopped in her tracks, holding her arm out to hold Betty back as well. Betty gave her a confused look, and Y/N pointed down the hall to the only classroom with a light on.

    "Nobody is supposed to be here." Betty whispered. "It could be Archie!"

     "Let me text Jug before we go over there, we don't know for sure who it is and if something happens to us, Jughead will know our last whereabouts." Y/N said, opening her messages.

    "That's a nice thought..." Betty muttered and Y/N rolled her eyes.

    "I know it's not, but it's the smart thing to do."

Juggie <3: Betty and I are at the school and there's a classroom that's lit up like a Christmas Tree. We're gonna go see if it's Archie, stay in touch. ILY.

    "Okay, let's go." Y/N said quietly, reluctantly advancing down the hall. Slowly the blonde and the (y/h/c) made their way down the hall and Y/N stopped just beside the door.

    "Turn off your flashlights and stay here for a sec, I'm gonna see if I can peer in." Y/N said, and Betty did what she was told. Y/N crouched down below the window on the door and slowly raised herself so she could see in. Inside she didn't see much, just the normal desks and whiteboard.

Vvvvvvrrrmmm! Vvvvvvrrrmmm!

    Y/N and Betty both jumped at Y/Ns phone vibrating in her pocket, and she took it out and threw it to Betty.

    "Read it and tell me what it says, I'm gonna take another peek." she said, and Betty nodded. Y/N slowly made her way up to look through the window again, but this time things were shifted around. Desks were moved to either sides of the classroom, and the whiteboard had writing on it and she tried to read it.

    "Y/N?" Betty whispered, trying to get her attention.

   "Shhh something happened... it could be Archie." Y/N said, waving her off.

    "We need to go, they found Archie!" Betty said, trying to back up.

    "They did?" Y/N asked, standing up and starting for the blonde. Before she could reach her though, the classroom door swung open and a hand reached out grabbing Y/Ns shirt.

    "Y/N!" Betty screamed, grabbing onto Y/Ns arm and pulling her towards her, but whoever that hand belonged to was strong.

    "Please don't let me go Betty!" Y/N begged, trying to pull herself free from the mysterious hands grasp.

    "I won't!" Betty sobbed, tears falling from her face and her limbs becoming weak from fear. The hand yanked on Y/N, tearing her from Betty's grasp and causing her to fall into the classroom. The door slammed shut, and Betty banged on the door, yelling and screaming.

    "LET HER GO! OPEN THIS DOOR THIS INSTANT OR I SWEAR TO GOD!" Betty looked through the window and saw the words on the board, and she did her best to read what was written.

    "N-No... Pe-eking. No peaking." She whispered, backing away from the door. She quickly grabbed Y/Ns phone off the ground and dialed for the sheriff when the door swung open again, and hand flying out and reaching for her. She quickly jumped out of the way, and a large figure appeared starting towards Betty. With the door open, Betty could hear crying coming from the room, and he decided the only way Y/N would be okay is if Betty went to a safe place and called for help.

    "I'LL BE BACK FOR YOU Y/N! I'M GOING TO GO GET HELP, I PROMISE!" she yelled, turning and running away. She heard heavy footsteps behind her, and she quickly burst through the doors of the school, continuing to run down the street. She dialed for Sheriff Keller and he answered.

    "Sheriff Keller I need you to come to the school right now!" She yelled, her breathing erratic and her voice cracking.

"Betty, I need you to calm down and tell me what's happening. What are you doing at school this late?" He asked.  

    "We were looking for Archie because we didn't know where he was and so Y/N and I were searching the school, there was a classroom that was lit up so she went to go see what was happening and she was dragged inside and I could hear her crying and screaming!" she sobbed over the phone, and she heard shuffling on the other end of the phone.

    "Betty, leave the school building, we are on the way." Sheriff Keller said.

    "I'm already out of there, just please hurry."

                                 • • •

    Cop cars surrounded the school, the blue and red lighted illuminating the night. Betty stood off to the side, Veronica and Kevin by her side. Kevin was informed by his dad that Y/N was taken when the sheriff had gotten off the phone, to which he called Veronica who called Betty. Jughead, Archie, and Fred were informed, and were on their way.

    "Oh god, I hope she's alright." Veronica whispered, biting back tears.

    "I know. If only we had waited a little while longer, we would have known Archie was alright and we wouldn't be in this situation." Betty said.

    "What's going on? Is she out yet?" Jughead called from behind them, running through the crowds of people. Kevin turned around and looked at him sadly.

    "No, nothing yet." Jughead stood there looking broken, Archie and Fred coming up behind him. Betty looked back at Archie who gave a fallen smile to her, and she walked over and leaned her head against him. He wrapped his arms around her and she softly cried into his chest.

    "I'm going to go talk to the sheriff." Fred said worryingly, starting for him, but before he took even four steps, a cop started to yell.

    "Someone's coming!" A voice called through the crowd, and Betty broke free from Archie, everyone looking towards the front of the school. A sunken girl walked out, tears falling from her eyes but her face wore a blank expression. She slowly walked a few more steps in front of the school before she stopped, everyone not daring to move in fear whoever took her could hurt her and the crowd held their breath.

    "I have a message." she called, her voice coarse from yelling. "Jason was only the beginning, I got out of it this time, but next time I won't be so lucky. Jealousy courses through him for those who you will soon see dead, this is the only way." she then stripped herself of her shirt, slowly turning around for the crowd to see. '-J.K'was carved into her skin, blood running down her back and onto her pants and the ground. She turned back around, her face contorting into fear and she fell to the ground sobbing. Cops ran to her,  helping her up and moving her to the paramedics.

    "Y/N!" Jughead called, again pushing through the crowds of people to get to his girlfriend. Betty and Veronica both broke down, Archie stood there dumbfounded and Kevin was trying to wrap his brain around what just happened.

    "J.K?" He asked himself, trying to figure out what it could mean.

    "Jason's Killer..." Cheryl said, causing everyone to turn to face her. Tears were streaming down her face, and she looked towards the ambulance, watching as Y/N was placed inside and Jughead was begging paramedics to let him see her.

    "Jealousy courses through him for those who you will soon see dead." Kevin repeated, and everyone stared at him.

    "What the hell does that even mean?" Veronica sniffled, and everyone slowly shook their heads.

    "The only one who knows right now I fear is Y/N." Cheryl said quietly, watching and Jughead climbed into the ambulance and the doors shut. It sped off, and police stormed the school.

    "They're going to keep coming after her." Archie said, looking around the group and then to Betty. Her quiet cries became louder, and Archie leaned down to kiss her forehead.

Tag List:

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[fair-dinkum-mechanic]

i dont think any of you should bother caring at this point and im just goin gto ramble and not make any fucking sense at all yet again. my entire life story is written below. Like. my entire fucking worthless stupid disgusting life story that shouldn’t even exist because I shouldn’t fucking exist

it’s so, so , so SO hard every fucking minute of every fucking day to be living with the absolute truth that I’m NOT good enough that I never can be good enough and that I never WAS good enough. Not for anyone, and not for anything.  I’ve told this story so many fucking times now but I need to recap and overshare just to put it in clearer perspective in my own mind. I don’t care if anyone reads it, I don’t think anyone will anyway, but its basically my fucking life story and how its all just been one huge lesson that I am literally worthless breathing garbage. 

I think the ONLY time I’ve ever had any fucking worth was when I was extremely young. Not that I can remember much from the ages from 0-6. I remember my entire family LOVED me. Sure, my sister was jealous and quite enraged that my mum had another kid, especially since I was unplanned and there’s a good 14 year age gap between me and my siblings, but when I was extremely little everyone seemed to love me. I was pretty shy and clingy, but if I was comfortable around people I was extremely polite and always laughing. I see videos of myself as a really young kid and I see myself in him but it’s just so distant from who I am now. I was gentle and loved nothing more than to make people laugh and entertain them. But yeah, I also threw a few tantrums too. I’m a fucking virgo.  Then of course school started, and that’s when my differences really started to show. I was too gentle and too quiet. I wasn’t boistrous and full of energy like the rest of the boys around me. Naturally, I became friends with many more girls and seemed to gravitate more toward the softer, more quiet kinds of things. I didn’t like sports, and I hated loud noises. That started making things difficult for me when trying to fit in, but still, we were all pretty young and nobody really cared at that stage. There was some light bullying but normal kid stuff, nothing that really hit home just yet. I was a little fucking cunt to the friends I did have though. I had obviously been far too spoiled and raised on my own so I didn’t know how to be empathetic and kind to my friends. I was possessive and cruel to them. I remember smacking one of my friends right in the nose for choosing to play with some other kid that I hated for the day. I was only 7-9 at this point though. 

My dad was always pretty distant. He had an extremely short fuse and foul temper. I once saw him fighting with my sister to the point of physically grabbing her and makiing her fall to the floor. He took her car keys so she couldn’t leave so she ran to my grandmas house. Once when I was about 5 I was taking too long to get ready in the morning for school and while I was brushing my teeth he burst into the bathroom and snatched my toothbrush out of my mouth and threw it hard at the wall. My sister came out and they screamed at each other because he woke her up when she had the night shift. He’d chased me with shoes, belts, and said all manner of things to me. I was never ever close to him and I don’t really care that much. I care to the extent that because of it I wont’ ever be able to understand a fatherly bond or how that is meaningful to people. He was an extremely hyper masculine person. He used to be a football coach, was heavily into football and women, was extremely homophobic and the like. He wasn’t all bad, but that was the person I knew and saw the most of.  Things got quite good for me for a year and a bit. My teacher told me to find new friends and I did, which led me to one of the best years of my life. I was 10 or 11 and I had one extremely close friend called Ben, and we used to hang out all the time. Our families spoke and I got along with his siter and he got along with my family too. We’d have sleepovers all the time and we’d do all the fun shit kids would do like go to carnivals, watch inappropriate horror movies, play games, think that staying up past 12 was a sin, etc. Eventually all the friends I’d made in that time left my school due to family moving or to escape the relentless bullying at the primary school I went to, which I was about to face. I still kept in contact with Ben, but they’d all left the school and by the time I was 12 I was left with no friends at all. 

I’m certain that’s when things really started to spiral out of control for me. I would spend lunchtimes walking around the school by myself for the entire hour, trying to make it look like I was going somewhere so the other kids wouldn’t know I had nowhere to go and no one to talk to. Eventually they figured it out though and I became the target of daily bullying. They’d shout out at me that i was a loner with no friends, I’d be picked last for everything, I used to brush my hair all the way across like a hideous combover, and of course I withdrew more into myself and eventually because I didn’t like sports and was quite gentle, the homophobic bullying started. Teachers and my mum tried to push me to get talking to the kids and make friends with them but even when I tried I couldn’t say a single thing right. They’d always make fun of me whenever I opened my mouth. I remember telling a ghost story while everyone else was and for the rest of the day the entire class of 30+ kids crowded around me laughing and pointing, some poking me and the teacher did nothing. When I finally told them to fuck off I was sent into detention for swearing. When I approached teachers they would get frustrated and tell me that I should’ve told them sooner. I would be pulled up on the smallest misbehaviour and punished because I was isolated and alone so I stood out. I think the lowest point for me was when I went to speak with kids I’d been trying to make friends with for an entire year and they turned around and asked me if I wanted to hear a song they made. And It was about me, how ugly I was, how gay I was, and how much of a loner and loser I was. I had to stand there and watch these girls do that as the boys laughed. That’s one of the only things from those days that’s really stuck with me I think. The rest of it I’m pretty much over. Of course it still has its effect on me, but I don’t expect apologies or hold it against any of the kids who did it. I can see the impact it has had on the rest of my life though.  For my final year of primary school I managed to find friends again, although the kids who used to bully me were still around and all the homophobic bullying continued. 

Mind you, at this stage I had no idea that I was gay. I hadn’t really thought about it. In fact, I was jerking off to women, it wasn’t until later on that I found it out for myself, so being bullied so hard for my sexuality for so long I think played a huge huge role in how long it took me to accept and understand it.  Anyway, I left primary school terrified to go into high school like everyone is, but I was kind of hopeful that I’d get there and things would be better. Of course, I was wrong, because I wasn’t prepared for how grown up a lot of the rich kids at private school wanted to seem. Around the first year of high school when I was 13 I drifted away from Ben, which still makes me sad but we’re both entirely differnet people than when we were kids, obviously. He’s a very straight guy and I’m a very gay one. I made another very close friend in highschool though, and this is where I’ll stop saying names because a lot of these people are still in my life. He was also brand new to the school and we lived extremely close to each other. For a while, it was only me and him, two extremely dopey 13 year old kids with horrific haircuts, braces, and breaking voices. By this point my skin had really started breaking out and I can assure you I was still not into sports. Not really the best thing when I was enrolled in a private school known for its sporting elitism. I realised really quickly that things weren’t going to be easy for me there. It really didn’t take long for the homophobic bullying to start up again. It was much, much worse this time though. People would actively avoid me, they would spread rumours that me and my only friend were fucking (he’s another extremely straight guy) and it just made me horrified that he’d ditch me to avoid all that. A girl I’d never spoken to, who was extremely popular, once did one of those trashy “Tag Your Friends Who...” things on Facebook. I wasn’t friends with her but stumbled across the photo somehow, and on the part that said “tag your friend that’s most likely to be gay” she had written my full name, and there was a huge comment thread underneath it with the boys and girls from school saying things like “HAHAHA and what about the science teacher he sneaks off into the storeroom with...”. Even though I’d managed to make more friends, my confidence was fucking gone. I could barely open my mouth in classes. The bullying came from the teachers too, primarily the sports department because they had so much power. I’d be singled out and chastised and was threatened with expulsion more than once for refusing to sign up to extra curricular sports and show up to Saturday morning games and such. This caused extreme conflict at home too, with my dad being such a masculine guy and respecting the boys sport master as he was an ex-state football player. He’d yell at me and resent me and tell me how much better his life would be once I left home. Mum would also fight with me because I was just so adamant to not give the teachers what they wanted.  Once I got older around 16 I really started to figure out that I’m not straight. I had crushes on girls, I even dated one for a short while, but we kissed twice and I bailed on that. I’d managed to create a pretty solid friendship circle.For reference sake I’ll make up names for people. I got in touch with one of the girls I was friends with way back in primary school, one of the ones I was a cunt to (Susan), and my Straight Friend from high school (Peter) had a friend of his own who was having extreme difficulties at home and making friends at school (Harvey). I also met a friend online who we used to speak almost every day and she was a real comfort to me and genuinely wanted to speak with me all the time (Karen). I lost a few friends from my younger high school years, but eventually somehow ended up with a group of the more “nerdy” girls. Me and Peter were finally in our own friendship group within school and I was able to throw parties and 20+ people would attend. Of course, I was still the victim of homophobic rumours and bullying in PE from both the jock boys and teachers, but overall It was going okay. I had my first crush on a boy, and to this day I’m not convinced he’s entirely straight, but also he was extremely attractive and very popular so I had absolutely not chance with him in a million moons. We only spoke on MSN and never spoke at school. I was also having minor obsessive crushes on girls as well, but I think that was from my feelings of lonliness and also seeing straight people all over the place and thinkin that was supposed to be me.  Eventually, somehow I became extremely close with one of the girls in our friendship group at school (April), and me, her and Peter became a trio of sorts. We were very close with the other friends too, Harvey and Susan and we’d often organise parties and gatherings where we’d have picnics or go places, see movies, or hang out.  Eventually the final year of high school came along and I embraced my passion for acting and comedy. Suddenly, almost everyone in the school loved me. They thought I was the most hysterical, valuable person they’d met. I was still withdrawn and compltely unsure how to act around any of them, but eventually I came to it and made a few friends from being more open with myself. I was so closed off and just sure that everyone was out to bully me and I’d become judgmental and bitter, but I’m so thankful I got to know some of those people a bit better. I just wish I’d been able to do so sooner.  At home things weren’t going as well though. My dad was diagnosed with a rare lung condition, and my brother and sister had begun to fight quite viciously (both of whom had moved out of home long ago and had families of their own). It devolved to the point where my brother completely shut off my sister and my parents from his life. We didn’t hear a word from him. 

Also at this point Peter and Karen started dating, despite her living in NSW and him in SA. That didn’t end well and it caused a rift between them. Karen was also starting to experiment with drugs and argue with us quite often. She also became quite distant after some time. But she’d even come down to visit us here twice. 

Peter really started to drown himself in study, and that left me and April. During this time me and her became really close. She was the daughter of two of the teachers at the school, so obviously we couldn’t get into too much trouble, but we had free lessons together and instead of studying we’d sneak off to Maccas for lunch and every week we’d visit a pet store up the road and visit all the animals that we’d given names to. We even went into the city once and brought Disney DVDs and Britney Spears albums. She was the first person I came out to, and I remember it as clear as day because I got a blade of grass stuck in my eye a few seconds after.  The last year of high school is when my mental health started to really deteriorate. I felt lonely, worthless, ugly, and extremely afraid. Schoolwork had an effect on me that I’m still not able to fully describe. It drained me of all energy and made me want to cut into my skin just to feel something. Of course this meant that I wasn’t able to provide my teachers the standard of work that they wanted, and they berated and screamed at me for it. I fought back, becasue it’s all I knew how to do, but I was always told I was rude, disrespectful and being difficult.  I remember the exact day I knew something wasn’t right in my brain. I was supposed to be in a Biology lesson but I hadn’t done work on an assignment tha was due. I couldn’t front it. I didn’t do it because I couldn’t. I’d sat down and tried and tried but I couldn’t wrack my brain to do it and I couldn’t ask for help because I had shut down. I was walking around school, breathing so hard I could feel my heart pounding in my throat, and eventually I saw one of my good friends who immediately could see something wasn’t right. I didn’t say anything and she didn’t either but she immediately hugged me and all I did was sob and tell her I just wanted to kill myself I just wanted to run onto the road and have the cars flatten me. She took me to my class and explained it to my teacher who was surprisingly very understanding. That teacher from then on made sure to check up on how I was doing with work and asked me if I needed any specific grade and once I said no she undeerstood and said “we’ll get you the passing grade you need, but we won’t push you any further than that, alright?” and I’ll never forget that. It was one of the kindest things a teacher had ever done for me. Her understanding meant so much. 

Although, my mental health continued to fail, and my life continued to get harder. I finished high school with very below average grades, and it seemed like most people were over me and didn’t really care. I was also coming to terms with just how gay I was. Which was very. And I hated the fact I’d never been in a ~~~real~~~ relationship. Lonliness was taking me over. April was there for me every second though, and I opened up to her about how I felt. Peter eventually moved to NSW to study there, like he was always going to. It was very upsetting for our friendship group as everyone loved him, and I was so close to him for such a long time that not having him around constantly was going to be really, relaly hard. Luckily I still had April and all of my other friends who wanted to hang out and see me a lot. Harvey, Susan, and my other new close friend Talia were all there. Susan and Talia both went to study art at uni, and they both got put in the same class. They didn’t know each other too well but I was very excited for the both of them to get to know each other, and eventually they stated to get along really well! 

Me and April only got closer as the first year out of high school went on. She would catch the bus to my house and we’d hang out and do fuck knows what. Anything we felt like. Sometimes she’d stay the night, and she’d always be there to help me set up for parties or through difficult times. We’d speak over skype almost every night and we did so many things and spoke about so much stuff that I can’t even think of many things off the top of my head to list becasue there’s just so much we did. It reached the point where there’s not one thing she didnt know about me and I don’t think there was one thing I didn’t know about her. When we played truth or dare at parties we could answer for each other, and we were communicating with silent looks. 

Still, my depression was getting worse. My lonliness was getting worse. I was desperate, horrificly so, to find a boyfriend. I got in contact with a boy I met vaguely through an old friend who did youtube. I started practically harassing him. Messaging him every day, getting so sad when he wasn’t as intersted in me as I was in him. I confessed my feelings multiple times and never took the hint. I was just too desperate and it was making me even worse. Susan went to school with this guy, and she didnt’ like him (like most people at her school) and when a night came that I was going to make an attempt and messaged my friend Talia about it, having her talk me down and thanking her for it, I was terrified. Anyway a week or so later I had a party at my house and Susan came to help me get ready. I’d invited Talia but she said she wasn’t coming. Susan handed me her phone for some reason and it had been left open on her mesasges with Talia. I saw something along the lines of “I can’t come tonight I’m far too annoyed at Marc for that.”. I didn’t say anything and took it to deal with later because I didn’t want to make it look like I was snooping. I’d invited the boy and one of my new friends who was friends with him to this party as well. Susan had messaged Peter all about it saying how he should be happy he’ snot here anymore because I was just feeding this boy alcohol to try and get him drunk and there was absolutely no other beverages on offer. She said how selfish and inconsiderate I was being, and how creepy and uncomfortable for others my relationship with April was. She said I was only depressed because my mum had sheltered me and that for me to get over it I needed to have some real suffering and some real pain. Peter was forwarding all of thsi on to me, becasue he knew it wasn’t true because he knows who I am and wanted me to know that she was saying these things and wanted to hear my perspective. I was annoyed, but April was there with me and supported me 100%. I was able to keep it to myself, and I wanted to try and smooth things over with Susan and Talia. Talia wasn’t speaking to me nearly as much as normal which was very hard because I used to call her one of my best friends. Susan was still speaking to me a bit though, however she seemed much angrier. I messaged her eventually and asked “Hey, have I done anything lately to upset you or Talia?” and she said why I asked that and I just said “I just feel like I’ve perhaps done something to upset you two” and all she said to me was “Talia had a friend who killed himself and my uncle almost did so maybe you should think about that before you say anything. Anyway I have to go now.” 

Things just started to boil over more and more and I was becoming angrier and angrier because as time went on Susan and Talia were actively trying to gather my friends and stage an intervention for me to cut specific people out of my life. Those people being the boy I liked, the new friend I’d made and was getting very close to, distance myself from April, and move away from my mum and sick dad. I got drunk at a party and ended up screaming at Susan as she tried to boss me around. We didn’t speak much after that but she messaged me after not speaking for months asking for us to meet up one on one. I told her no becasue it wasn’t just me she had a problem with and it wasn’t juts me that she’d hurt and we should all speak about it as a group. She instantly replied with aggression and denied ever talking about me behind my back and trying to turn people against me (I had actual screenshots of this occuring). She told me I was fake and weak and that I needed to get over myself. Then she blocked me without giving me any chance to respond. 

I hung on to anger about this for so long and I’ve only very recently gotten over it. Suffice to say I’ve never spoken to either Susan or Talia again after that, which is sad because I used to consider both of them some of my best friends.  Time went on, eventually I got over the boy but I’d managed to make a very good and best friend in the friend I’d re-met through him and she’s still one of my best friends to this day and one who has managed to stick wtih me all this time. I only have positive things to say about her, and if she’s reading this i know she’ll feel self concious that she’s not in this story much but that’s because I’m focusing on mostly the bad parts and the good things in the past that turned bad and she isn’t either of those things and she doesn’t mean any less to me than any of this shit that I’m writing out now.  My dad’s health got worse and worse. He was in hospital a lot and he was having immense trouble breathing. During this time I actually met a boy on Tumblr and we began to date shortly after. The problem was he lived in NSW, but it alleviated my lonliness at least and I felt so happy. However it was extremely bittersweet because at the same time I had to keep it a complete secret from my family, which was difficult when our only form of communication was Skype. I had such a horrible, sickly fear that my parents would find out. I would have panic attacks over it and still to this day, even though my mum knows now, it makes me feel ill to think about it.  I remember hearing dad downstairs one day, choking and trying to scream out for help. He was rushed to hospital and kept in the ER. He was strapped to oxygen machines for days. Mum was in and out all the time. I spent so much time at the hospital. Eventually the doctors told us in a roundabout way that he was dying, and he was dying within the week. He was fully aware of what was happening, and things only got worse. I sat there as his mind twisted itself around. He so desperately didn’t want to die. He would explode into panic attacks where he would cry and wail. There was no anger in these, just complete and utter horrible anguish. I’d never seen anything like it before, and I just had to sit there while mum was crying trying to calm him down and the nurses had to come and strap him to the bed. Eventually he was so sick that he couldn’t speak. He was on almost 100% oxygen and they had to drug him up so he couldn’t know what was happening. Eventually, the time came where my family told them to turn off the breathing machines, and he died within minutes.  It’s then that my brother came back. He felt guilty and was trying to fix things. 

Things between him and my sister couldn’t be fixed though. They didn’t speak and there was still so much hatred there. 

With dad gone, mum couldn’t afford the house anymore. It was just me and her, so she had to sell it which was horrible and stressful and hard. I was suddenly having to help with all of these grown up things that i never thought I’d have to for at least a few decades. All the while I was being pushed into deciding what to do with my life and sitting on my massive fucking secret. 

April was still there through all of it though. Peter was too, but not as much, he was interstate of course. My boyfriend and my new friend were there just as much as April. Harvey was there too. 

Oh boy was Harvey there. He and April ended up having a uni class together, and they became closer. This lead to Harvey developing an infatution with her which she relayed to me every day. It led to her having to gently let him down, and he spent a full year hating her. Truly, viciously hating her. His attitude had changed and he was becoming more and more arrogant and self ighteous. Peter’s family had basically adopted him as their own and even they were having conversations with me and April about how horrible he was being. When this was brought to his attention, he only got worse and actively worked to bring down any of us who had a part in saying anything. I had lost all patience with him since I was told of his sexual harrassment, entitlement to women, and selfish comments, and so I was ready to cut him off completely and I made that no secret.  Around this time my boyfriend actually made the move to SA, and him and April became roommates. I was absolutely terrified because I was so scared that my mum would find out about it. I was happy to have more people close to me physically, but the terror outweighed it. 

April and Harvey continued speaking, although she was very vocal with me about her distaste for him and her insistence that after uni was over she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. That’s why when she told me he’d asked her to go to his house to talk, I wasn’t worried. I let her know she was free to tell him every little thing I’d said and let him know I didn’t care I’d say it to his face personally if I could.  Things were never the same after that. I’ll never know what was said, but since that meeting between them, April and me were never as close as we once were. She started ignoring my messages, ditching events with me and our other friends to go and see him, actively berating things that she knew I really enjoyed amongst other things.  It planted the seed of something I never thought I’d ever see between us, a lack of care and even irritability. Things got worse and worse and eventually we weren’t even friends anymore. Not just not best friends, we weren’t even friends. She was seeing Harvey so often, speaking with him all the time, doing things that we used to do, all the while Havey was making life hell for me. Punishing me in ways only a silent manipulator can. I tried to reach out and tell people what was happening but nobody believed me and I still don’t think anybody does. This only made it worse. I became angry because April had never had any reason to distrust me before, and I didn’t know why Harvey was that reason now. Eventually I cut her off, I didn’t think she was the person I once knew and I didn’t think she even liked me anymore. I felt pain whenever we spoke or saw each other. I wanted to reach out to my extremely close friend, somewhere in her and beg and plead with her not to be taken in by Harvey’s new manipulative tricks. It was too late though. I failed her, and I’d tried so fucking hard. He was still trying to get back at me though, in every way that he could, and she was enabling him to do that because she was still a aprt of my life. I had to cut her out no only for my own safety but for the safety of my remaining friends.  Now I’m at the stage where I am now. Everyone left in my life has tried to leave  me because I’m too much, and whenever it happens I can’t handle it. I think the moral of my life story is that I’m not, have never been, and never WILL be good enough for anything or anyone. Aside from when I was extremely young, barely walking, I haven’t been worth anything. I’ve just been a disappointment, someone to cut off, to dismiss, or to push aside. I have tried everything to be better and worth people’s investment, but it never works. I know even now those who remain close to me, all of them, are thinking about ways in which they’ll cut themselves off from me, knowing that it’s healthier for them. My boyfriend travelled overseas without me without any regrets, while I felt crushed and alone because it had always been my dream to travel with a boy I loved and who loved me to special places to see it together, but I realised I’m not worth that to anyone else. He broke up with me because even after all of these things I’ve been through my walls are absolutely rock hard and impossible to break through, and I can’t let anyone in or let anything out. He only took me back because of how unstable and volatile I am.  One of the only joys in life I have left is my cat. I truly love her so much because she’s the only one who has been with me from start to present through at least the end of school shit that happened. I know she’s only an animal but to me she’s the only one I can open up with and be completely comfortable around. I am so thankful all the time that she’s with me.  I know I’ll never be worth anything to anyone, and I’m finding it so fucking hard to trust again. I don’t see the point when all my days are empty and I know that once life takes away from me what I have, I’ll be ready to die. My mum still cares for me. She drives me to work because I can’t do it myself. She cooks, she washes, she helps me with things i need to do. She’s older than most, and she wont be able to do those things much longer, and I am very close with her. My emotional distress is going to become too much on top of the material support I’ll no longer have. 

My cat, is a cat and as such has a much shorter lifespan than me. She will die and I have no idea when. 

There is nothing for me to live for past these things. Every other person who will be in my life past those things has told me, shown me, or let me know in other ways that they will not be around in any significant way, and I know it’s because I am worthless and awful. And I can’t count on myself because all I want is to fade away. So that’s what I will do.  Fucking novel. Nobody cares about my life enough to fucking ead all of this anyway lmfao.