#apologies i didnt answer sooner!! it's been a day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

suffarustuffaru · 6 months ago

Note

Scrolling through your blog is such a fun experience, you bring an absolutely great vibe to this fandom and I love it SO MUCH. Could even say you restored my hope in it, since there has been some aspects that made me force myself to leave it, and I hope me bringing one of them up here won't upset anyone.

Now I completely understand if you wish to not answer my ask, but I figured it's worth a shot. So, one of said aspects was a controversy regarding one of the rezero characters that made me feel like you can't mention them without being called names (mostly on tiktok, but other social media also, tho not as much).

Yeah I'm talking about Felix. I'm not transphobic by any means, and I'm fine with people headcannoning whatever they want, but seeing thousands of people calling others transphobic for calling Felix a 'he' made me so unsafe I forced myself to look for other interest. Which is funny since most of the people saying this weren't even part of the fandom. I was wondering if anyone else here had similar situations and just.. how do you deal with it? It seems silly, I know, but feeling like I can't speak about a rather important character from a media I love made me so upset.

No matter how much I tried explaining it, they either dismiss it or say Tappei made him a trans girl without knowing.

Now, if you do decide to answer this and say that Felix indeed may have been 'trans coded' a little bit (Did I used that term correcly? Idk) I'll understand (hell, I would probably agree, you character analysis are great), I'm just upset at the absolute lack of respect for any other way of referring to Felix other then she/her.

(Also in case people don't know, their proof of Felix being a trans girl is the scene from EX1, with the whole calling himself a girl in front of a mirror thing)

Sorry for this is being long and probably messy I just had to get this off my chest.. also I hope I didn't came of as offensive in any way, if I did I'm really sorry.

hi there anon! first of all - aw thank you for your compliments about me and my blog. im super passionate about rezero (though thats probably super clear to anyone whos seen any content i make for a while aljsdlkf) and well. ive been lurking about in this fandom since summer 2020 so i definitely understand having to leave/distance yourself from this fandom because outside of tumblr, the rezero fandom is kind of . well. to put it simply, theres a lot of metaphorical landmines unfortunately!! T^T and admittedly i wouldve left this fandom a lot sooner if i didnt stick to my own corner and curate spaces with other people who were super chill (like lots of people lurking about here on tumblr + rz tumblr in general!!). so i totally understand how you feel anon (and youre not silly for being upset, i promise!), though admittedly im not super super familiar with some rezero spaces (such as rz twitter) bc i 1. dont speak japanese and 2. i try very hard to avoid the negativity whenever possible!! T^T

and also i apologize for taking a while to answer your ask!! you're one of my older asks that kinda got lost in my drafts hah but i also just wanted to like. take extra care with your ask bc its a super important topic. like not just to me (though its definitely important to me) but its important in general. and i really like felix so. <3

a quick disclaimer is that i myself am not transfem. i am however afab and most likely genderqueer!! (im winging it as i go hah.) felix is also not a character id say im as well-versed in yet, but i do like felix a lot and ex1 changed my entire brain chemistry. and ill also be defaulting to he/him pronouns in this post because thats what he uses in canon.

felix is - at the end of the day - a fictional character, and tappei is a cis man who doesnt Entirely write characters like felix through a queer lens. arguably tappei is Self-Aware when he writes characters who are into other characters of the same sex (though the Representation is arguably a little bit questionable at times depending on how you look at it), but when it comes to characters like felix or subaru who have some Gender Stuff going on, it's more nebulous there. i dont know if tappei 100% realizes he's made characters that could be read as Trans/Genderqueer (emphasis on "read as", because i support different interpretations of these characters), but tappei Definitely Is Very Aware that gender and gender presentation and gender roles are super important when it comes to characters like felix, subaru, and crusch.

i think tappeis own perceptions of gender and gender roles do bleed a bit into the text as much as tappei is pretty purposeful with themes surrounding gender in rezero, but rezero itself still has all sorts of identity issues to explore with a lot of its characters and gender is a big part of that!!

so first and foremost im gonna be examining felix the best i can Purely Off Of The Canon Text, though i do like viewing rezero from a queer lens myself (and it is arguably very queer). im gonna talk first about felix and then ill move onto talking about my personal feelings on rezero fandom stuff :o !!

so felix's relationship with his gender is complicated and he Absolutely does not fit into traditional gender roles or gender presentation right now. these are undeniable. and if people headcanon felix as transfem thats totally understandable and valid!! but to say a headcanon is 100% canon and that other interpretations of a character as complex as felix are invalid isnt exactly it. for sure. i mean i myself interpret him as nonbinary haah. but felix's relationship with gender is so so so So complicated that i dont think you could just say hes transfem and then Not Elaborate More.

but regardless of how Exactly you label felix, i think you could possibly say that hes trans coded. tappei, even if he probably doesnt entirely know hes made pretty genderqueer characters, is Aware and Purposeful of how gender affects felix and his perception of himself and his identity and other peoples perception of him and this is brought up Over and Over Again in canon—felix’s gender identity, at the moment, aligns more with femininity in his presentation in every way, though he still perceives himself as masculine. felix’s case is complicated, and while im not entirely sure on this i think you could argue that hes trans coded—“coding” suggests a level of intent when making these characters, and i think that intent is present in some way with tappei. because tappei Knows just how important gender is with felix’s character and you can tell with how often and how Integral it is to felix’s entire character.

(more under the cut) (i do have a habit of being rambley/wordy sometimes if. if you couldnt tell already. but i hope this response is up to your standards!!)

these three analysis posts on felix's relationship with gender have all discussed this topic in-depth before i have, and i 1. really like the rezero content i see from all three of these people and 2. they All have slightly different takes based on the canon we have but also some similar points. because felix is complicated!! of course our takes are probably gonna be a bit different - he's a multifaceted character with such a complex relationship with his gender that it's hard to tell what every single one of his personal feelings on it is (especially when at the moment he hasnt appeared in the main story since arc 5 and he still has a Lot of character development to do). and of course fiction is fiction, we can all take away any sort of meaning from a story like this.

but you know. this is my post so im gonna try to analyze felix right now and say my two cents on what i think of his relationship with gender.

so im gonna try not to retread too much on what liquidstar, sufferu, and gourmet of gluttony have already said about felix (and i think theyre all very smart people with interesting analysis posts and theyve all explained their thoughts pretty well) and instead add on with my own thoughts - theres this felix excerpt from arc 4 wn that i think about sometimes. im gonna put it down here!!

and also important to note—like other people have mentioned, crusch and felix made a “deal” of sorts in the past where crusch takes on felix’s masculinity and felix takes on crusch’s femininity. and also like other people have said—and i myself have said in the past—i do have some mixed feelings on this wkdndn and as i said before also i do wish tappeis feelings on gender bled a little less when theyre Not Integral To The Story. bc i dont think tappei 100% knows hes made trans coded characters, but. anyway yeah so thats the whole deal with crusch felix. and in its own right i think it has So Many Interesting Implications!!

i think when it comes down to it, gender presentation IS a bit of a performance, isn't it? like i love to wear dressses and skirts and i love to keep my hair short and wear suits, but you know - these sorts of things tend to be gendered. our gender is often perceived through how we present ourselves, but in recent years gender roles being attached to clothing has gotten a bit less Rigid. but these rigid roles associated with presentation are even more dialed up to Eleven in a medieval world like the rezero fantasy world. and i dont use the word "performance" in a negative way -

what i mean is that when it comes to felix's character, does felix think he's a boy because that's what he's been told? does he think he's a boy because he TRULY sees himself that way, or does he THINK he has to see himself as one? does felix try to present and perform femininity, ie as or like a traditionally feminine girl, purely ONLY for crusch's sake, or is it because felix ALSO WANTS to? what does felix think of gender outside of crusch? who is felix outside of crusch? who is felix outside of tying his entire personality to other people? does felix’s femininity show the “radiance of ferris’ soul” bc of the deal he made with crusch or bc this truly is felix’s soul? these are like the big questions behind his entire character and character arc that would determine in the end how felix identifies in both his gender and In General.

so what is felix's identity at the moment? bc right now, felix is stuck between his feminine self, tied to crusch, a symbol of crusch, tied to his own reliance on crusch and worship of her—and his masculine self, someone broken off from crusch. felix is tied to crusch right now to worrying extents with his obsessive devotion to the point of changing himself to mold into her image, and beyond that, hes still tied to guilt surrounding fourier’s death. gourmet of gluttony puts all of this way way more intelligently than i ever could, but at the end of the day, i think the best narrative decision here would be for felix to accept himself in ALL of his entirety.

healing in rezero is noted to be a kind power, specifically by fourier and fourier saying this right to felix when hes the most talented healer in lugunica, and healing itself is often stereotypically feminine activity. knighthood is stereotypically masculine, and on top of all this, we see in ex1 that biehn argyle twists the power of healing into something grotesque—trying to bring back the dead and revive what cant be revived, which is once again another reoccurring theme in rezero.

how far can “from zero” go? what HAS to stay dead and what can be revived? who is allowed to live? HOW do you live freely? felix is someone born from a horribly abusive and neglectful family who twisted healing magic’s kindness into cruelty, felix is someone who was taken into a family that showed him kindness and now hes desperate to pay them back with everything he has and everything he is, felix is a healer who lashes out when hes cornered and a healer who treasures life and a knight who cant physically fight like the others, felix is someone stuck with the horrible knowledge that he cant save everyone—that some things just Couldnt end better no matter how much he wished for it to.

felix is stuck between all kinds of worlds, and in terms of gender, hes quite literally still stuck between boyhood and manhood in the biological sense—hes purposefully made it so that he hasnt hit puberty yet so he can better pass as feminine. he hasnt Physically Grown past puberty—which is the mark of becoming an adult. and he hates himself in a number of ways, but he also hates himself for failing to be traditionally masculine. his abusive family stole ten years of his life and the torture left him physically weaker, so he cant be strong physically, which is something associated with traditional masculinity. felix is the best healer, a traditionally feminine job and skill, but he cant save everyone. felix becomes more feminine as part of his deal with crusch, but while crusch accepts her femininity and masculinity readily, and while crusch’s memory is erased by gluttony—felix is left behind, alone, still holding onto femininity while not entirely being able to hold onto it while he also cant entirely hold onto the traditional masculinity he expects out of himself. and with arc 3 on, felix feels hes failed both fourier and crusch. the two most important male and female figures in his life.

felix is basically stuck in this liminal space where hes not Enough for himself in literally every direction, and the only way out is to accept every part of himself and move forward by trying to define who he is without other people—his birth family and his found family dont define him. they can shape him, sure, but he has to stop shaping himself to meet them and figure out how to let himself just. Be. and take up a space thats firmly his. from a queer lens, this kind of thing is pretty queer—because to stop being in between worlds, you have to accept everything instead of splitting yourself into halves over and over again. killing or maiming yourself or parts of yourself is no way to live, and felix is Life itself.

and i think regardless of the Exact Labels you could give felix, i think his arc—which is perfectly in line with all of rezeros themes—is inherently about self acceptance and the bridging of the gap and combination of femininity and masculinity. felix is both and identifies, in one way or another, with both, similar to how he loves someone who identifies with both (crusch) and just as hes loved her and fourier. imo it wouldnt be right for felix to choose one or the other in terms of feminine vs masculine—he needs to be the one learning and navigating his honest feelings on both sides bc i think he Yearns to be both. hes a boy who dresses like a girl and its up to him to know if he wants to be a man and/or a woman due to his own internal desire or if parts of that is Only due to external pressures.

and alright now that ive said all my thoughts on felix atm im gonna address the other questions you had in your ask!! note that this is just my opinions and thoughts regarding my own experience in the english fandom, you dont have to agree or anything 👍

but i AM very sorry about your negative experiences in this fandom. T^T people calling other transphobic for using he/him for felix (and also people being transphobic about characters like felix or subaru/natsumi in general) is something ive seen as well. the rezero fandom is sadly very often toxic and Bigoted in a lot of ways (with the exception of rezero tumblr and certain segments of rezero ao3, from what ive seen), which is Ironic for a story thats so clearly about love and self-acceptance, which is also ironic because arguably tappei and otsuka and the rezero marketing team (i Love the female characters in rezero but theres just so much sexualized or vaguely sexist merch/moments that dont add to the story, you know? kind of just. misses the point of their characters sometimes.) sort of contribute to it a little bit as much as tappei does do some really great things with his writing.

rezero is the first fandom ive been active in but its definitely not the first ive ever been in, and ive been in some insane fandoms before. like i said earlier though, i think i just cope by curating my experience to what i like, yknow? liking posts i enjoy, looking at stuff i enjoy, etc :O !! fandom is a hobby so i try not to look at negative stuff when i can help it wkdnd. which im sure youre aware about already but i always have to keep reminding myself of this bc places like rezero reddit or twitter get pretty rough!! but its really helped me just following artists and creators i like, enjoying their content, chatting with cool people i vibe with, rezero tumblr being the chillest rezero space in the whole fandom, and its also helped me a lot making rezero content of my own—like this whole blog!! its really shocked me how much people seem to value my thoughts enough to ask me things frequently but i appreciate it pfft. and i hope you guys like reading my posts!!

but yeah like. curate, curate, curate. it helps a LOT and it gets me excited to experience rezero not only by myself you know? not that i didnt have fun by myself but its its own level of fun finally finding spaces to have fun with others!! and i LOVE finding beautiful fanart!! chef’s kiss. and trying to be the change i want to see is satisfying on its own :,) i want to post random shit about rezero, so i post it. i want to make fanart for fun and share it. i want to brute force people into loving otto more so i ottopost (dont worry, i still hate him bc true otto fans also hate him at the same time <3 /lh). i want more queer rezero content so i try to make some more!! brings more personal power i think and its very fun!! and it helps with lessening the quiet despair of fandom toxicity ;-;; (which is something ive done many times and will continue to do sometimes so i feel your pain 🫂) and i promise theres cool people in the fandom 👍 i may reply late to asks or dms but im ALWAYS down to talk about rezero things its so fun 👍👍

and its really really hard sometimes to deal with fandom toxicity especially if its forcefully knocking at your door—definitely dont force yourself to stay or look at things if you cant, bc thats totally understandable!! and i myself have been harassed a little in the past. but definitely having some sort of coping—the block button, backing out of things you dont agree with or like, lots and lots of curating, etc—helps me a lot. and i think mental health wise i feel much better trying to look on the bright side of things!! its MY hobby goddammit!! ill fight people subaru-style if they try to poison it!! and however long anyone reading this decides to spend with rezero and rezero tumblr—you are welcome here 👍

but yes my very Long rambling aside - i hope this post somewhat helped you!! felix is a very important character that i like very much and need to learn more about and i have Many Feelings on the english side of this fandom, but im very grateful to all the cool people ive met over the years here for sure!! :o

also ill probably post the finished version soon but if youve read this far here is a sneak peak of felix art i did recently (just as a reward for once again reading all of my Endless Yapping)👍👍

#rezero #re:zero #felix argyle #ferris argyle #ask #once again gonna say that im not transfem so im not exactly 100% leading authority on this probably but these were just my two cents yeah!!#hope you have a good day/evening/night anon :3 ty for the ask! sorry i took a while to answer but i hope this made sense :D #felix <3 the character of all time fr i love him #my art

33 notes · View notes

not-a-big-slay · 2 years ago

Text

Until it doesn't hurt

kaz brekker x fem!reader

warnings: talks of murder, slavery,

a/n: long ahh chapter, but thats what you get as an apology for waiting. i didnt forget about this series and id be damned if i ever would. there are only two chapters left- part 12 and the epilogue, so please stick around and i will try to get them out sooner than this chapter. it was almost half a fuckin year??!!! oh i need a wake up call goddamn. anyway, thank you for reading it and the positive comments here and on wattpad! enjoy this chapter :)

part 11/13:

previous part: part 10

next part: part 12

masterlist

taglist (sorry to bother everyone, i know it has been 5 months..):

@chickencouncilrep

@venomsvl

@happy-nico

comment to be added, two chapters left

"Sounds risky."

"It is."

"And suicidal."

"Yes."

"Also impossible."

"Very much so."

Jesper was amused by the conversation between Inej and Y/N. He has learned his poker partner had only a day left to finish her job. Killing Pekka Rollins couldn't be easy, so when she knocked on the door of Inej's old room, he could see just how anxious Y/N was and how desperate her voice rang when she proposed teaming up with his old friend. Their shared feeling of duty may help them cooperate and increase chances of ending the monster's life. However Inej's former enlightment that came from the hitman's good idea now seemed lost as Y/N shared her deadly plan.

Jesper was just happy to be in the same room, he didn't feel included, nor should he. It wasn't like he would join them, but even men living from the adrenaline of risks would doubt this scheme. It included too many holes that would serve trouble to sneek in "I don't know, Y/N." voiced her uncertanty Inej, "I understand you have limited time, but I'd rather be late than dead." Jesper agreed silently by nodding as they watched the girl think with furrowed eyebrows, not realizing she already is one of those choices. Jesper cleared his throat, he really didn't want to speak, but he couldn't allow Y/N to drag his friend to provoke death herself. "It's not exactly... bulletproof, is it?"

The plan goes as this: Y/N would send a message to Rollins, preferably not a dreg messenger, to meet him somewhere yet not disclosed where. First hole: the Dime Lions' leader will not listen to a mysterious note and probably will not come. Y/N reassured them he will, but didn't gave them a reason to believe that. After the target arrives at the place that's, again, still non-existent, he comes to face Y/N and some 'old friend', as the girl said. Second hole: Y/N won't tell them many key details to the plan, they are just supposed to

"Trust me, it will work."

Inej sighed loudly, clearly trying to find trust in this girl within her. "Are you sure he'll come alone?" she pointed out a part of the plan where they will meet Rollins alone. Third hole, for obvious reasons. "He won't have a reason not to. Our only leverage is that he doesn't suspect I know you, he still thinks I'm on my own." the hitman cleared up and ran a hand through her hair. At least she briefly explained to them that she had met Rollins before, that her job was sort of a revenge, but didn't tell them for what, nor they expected her to. Jesper wanted to keep his mouth shut, but it seemed he was the only one that saw another problem with her statement. "Remind me then, Y/N." the person mentioned turned her gaze away from the table covered under the map of Ketterdam and pleaded him to continue, "What did Rollins do exactly when he found out you were on your own? Kidnapped you is what." he didn't give her time to answer, because it wasn't a question. Finding her bloodied and strapped to a chair with Kaz pointing a gun at her was an unpleasant sight, more unpleasant was Y/N's story about how she got there. The image of the night appeared as if on cue in his mind and made him add: "And who was robbing him on the night you escaped?" Y/N's hands pushed themselves off the table before her legs started to slowly pace the room, hopefully thinking about Jesper's words.

"That's true. His guards saw us all escaping, there is no way you are considered to be alone." Inej supported his doubts and made the girl stop in tracks, her back facing them. Candles lit the room brightly and they flickered when Jesper thought about his utter confusion after finding out Kaz and Y/N knew each other since childhood. He assumed Kaz was born a teenager with insanity inside his genes, the thought of him being a demon that crawled out from hell also crossed his mind. No one knew exactly about his past, no one except maybe for Y/N, but since they seem to hate each other now, it's probably for their own good to not posses the knowledge of Kaz as a child. It was silence for a while until Y/N's words cut through it. "Well, he might be stupid enough to come alone," she let out a sigh and Jesper swore he saw goosebumps on her neck as she finished the sentence, "but not naïve enough to think Kaz would help me."

After Rollins arrives, Inej- present in the skies- will make sure he is indeed alone, or she gets rid of any other presence. Y/N aspires for the place of meeting to be dark, so Inej is not seen while working. After doing so, the spider will stand in the dark behind Pekka, waiting for her cue to put a knife on his throat. Jesper assumes there will be some dialogue between Y/N and Rollins before the two kill him, he fancies it as some sort of drama play they often held on Eil Komedie in a theater. He'd definitely took Wylan to see this play with him, but would rather avoid the same scenario in real life. And how they kill him: the hitman will shoot him, somewhere fatal but where he won't die instantly. Then, she will hit him until only a toe is left touching the alive side of border between life and death. Inej will then 'keep her promise'. or simply put, carve his heart out. Brutal, but poetic in Jesper's opinion. He will die a painful death, Y/N gets her money and revenge and Inej finishes a long undone job, everybody wins.

The girl turned to them, she saw the hesitation in their eyes and walked closer. "I know it's dangerous, but if we won't do it, someone else will." Jesper sinked into confusion and let it show on his face freely, Y/N for his sake quickly explained. "Someone, who holds grudges, will come for him. And they might do it in a more stupid and unprepared way. And then we will hate ourselves for not taking the risk." She looked at Inej and finished: "There's not enough Pekkas for everyone's revenge" Inej stared at her as the mastermind opened her mouth with one last question to ask: "Are you in?" Her eyes digged in Inej as they awaited for answer. She looked at Jesper first, as though he would somehow help. The boy just shrugged, what else to do, he is not part of it. She turned to Y/N again and a simple movement of her head made her understand and walk towards the door.

As she opened it, she turned to Inej and said: "Tomorrow night, after 4 bells until midnight, east stave, just behind Smeet Residence. You'll know." and left. Jesper watched Inej dragging her finger along the map and stopping at the possible building Y/N mentioned. She examined it, the boy could almost hear her mind as she thought about the route she'll take, her eyes caressing the paper streets and houses. Smeet residence belongs to Cornelis Smeet, he played cards with him before when they tried to save Inej from Van Eck. The feeling of nostalgia and warmth hit him. Oh, to go back as things were.

"Do you really trust her?"

"Did you trust she won't hurt you when you brought her to Wylan's house?"

He smiled, he really shouldn't have done that. Even when the question was probably rhetorical, he answered with a serious face. "Yes." Y/N seemed like anything but a liar. Sure, she didn't tell them much about her or the plan, but she didn't feed them lies so they would agree. And he did felt safe with her on that night. He didn't know her for long, but a trace of trust began in him. Inej, as if his thoughts written themselves on his eyes, knew what he was thinking about and smiled.

"Then yes, I trust her."

Oh, how he missed Inej.

--------------------------------------------

She cursed herself with every step she took.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

It rang in her head every time her lungs ate the air.

Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea.

Yet everything stopped when she was staring at the tall bulding present at the very end of 5th Harbor. After Y/N spat out her trauma on Kaz, she sent a letter to her employer, who unfortunetely happened to be Deln. She never wanted to see him again and after meeting him in the church, she somehow got over the fact that she has to take her payment from him, so encoutering that man twice was unavoidable. Yet she almost puked when she wrote the letter that was begging him to see her. The letter didn't say much, she wanted to tell him about the plan personally, so feelings could be voiced and maybe even manipulate him to cooperate. Y/N also chose to tell him right before the plan starts, so he wouldn't have a choice or time to make up his mind. She has yet to admit Deln is crucial to her plan though, Rollins won't go alone without him present and will run if he won't see him there, a bussiness partner, a person that sold her to him all those years ago,

an old friend.

A chill ran down her back, even though it was quite a warm evening, no wind at the sea either. She looked at the watchtower again. The Council of Tides was supposed to look out for the sea and harbors, but one hardly saw them. As far as Y/N knew, the stadwatch was patroling the harbors. She wondered if anyone is up there, if the council even existed. They could have just built many watchtowers and manipulate a feeling of safety into people. Trust is a powerful tool. At that moment, Y/N felt uncertain that Deln will arrive. She chose to meet with a slaver at the council's feet. Not that they would care about some barrel rats, but he could play a scaredy cat.

The sound of heavy boots on the cobblestone, that decorated almost the whole Ketterdam, and the feeling of the world closing in on her while a heavy stone crashed her chest, the feeling she only gets around one person, were the signs Deln wasn't afraid. Y/N listened to him creeping closer, the old urge to run fighting with her, before she finally turned around and faced him again after 11 days.

"Snowflake" he exclaimed happily, the word shooting Y/N in her throat, drying it up. She hated how afraid he made her feel. It's been years, she was supposed to move on. Hopefully, she will after this is over. Maybe the afterlife exists and will forgive her for her sins after all. That gave her hope and courage to form a fake smile for the show. "Deln." she greeted him with a nod. The man stopped before her and put his hands on his hips, shaking his head with a smile. He seemed very pleased to see her, what a disturbing thing to notice. "Oh, it has been far too long."

As much as she needed to play nice, Y/N didn't resist rolling her eyes at that. "Could we not?" she tried to not let the harsh tone into her voice, but expected failuire. Deln just chuckled upon her response, but his smile disappeared shortly after, the friendly tone nowhere to be found when he asked: "What do you want? Job's done?" Y/N quietly sighed in relief he was finally himself before answering. "Almost. I came here to offer you a first row view at the murder of Pekka Rollins. The price? I get to use you as a distraction." the hitman smiled and tried to sell it to him as traders on the streets taught her. As much as he loved a good advertisement, Deln shook his head and scoffed.

"Still too proud to ask me for help?"

If I was proud, you'd drown in your blood 10 days ago.

"You will just stand around, doing nothing, watching your enemy to die." she said instead, "I'd even say I'm helping you."

Deln smiled and turned around to walk in circles, he always did that when thinking. The waves crashed as the sun almost fell asleep behind horizont, first and only stars slowly lit their light in the deep blue sky. Y/N wished Ketterdam was clearer, so the stars could shine brightly as they deserved. The slavery she lived in had always a hole in the roof in the back. When she couldn't sleep, she used to look at the night heavens above, naming the few little planets present. There were always only five she could see. First was named Fala, it was the smallest star out of all of them, easy to remember. Second got the name Nerezza, that happened to be the first star that appeared and the last to go away. For the third star Y/N came up with Lilith, named after a child that died by the cruel hand of Deln, she was the brightest. She didn't named the last one for a long time, it wasn't special, just lonely and always the farthest away from the rest. Yet after Rollins took her and then she returned to the place she hoped to never see again, the fifth star shined brighter than ever, still alone, but the four seemed to bow to it. Just then, full of anger and spite, she named them all.

"Oh, Y/N." his voice woke her up and the girl saw him stop. His back faced her and she could fully see the hump in it, his spine visible in the plain shirt he wore. Deln suddenly turned around, his brows furrowed, eyes darted in her, deep in thought. He realized.

"I'm already a part of this, huh?"

Y/N thought of the messanger that patiently waited for the 7th bell to ring through the city. "Rollins will expect you, he is only coming because of you," she inhaled the salt wind from the sea,

"he will die tonight because of you."

Deln's eyes showed he finally got the full importance of his part. Y/N knew she wouldn't have to bother with retelling her plan, she just needed to let him know Rollins will be alone and in the streets. And all of that depends on him, he cannot back out if he wants Pekka dead, because he is already involved.

"Everything fails without me."

He made himself sound important, which he was, but Y/N still cringed. He won't even move a finger and still praised himself for helping. She put it past her though, the 7th bell rang. The message is on it's way. "In a few minutes," the hitman started to walk slowly to Deln, "Pekka Rollins will get a message from you, saying you want to discuss your affairs. You told him to come alone, a conversation between 4 eyes. You also mentioned me being there, as a ransom in your favor." She wanted to continue, but the man stopped her. "Hold on, why do you think Rollins wants to do anything with you?" Y/N stopped as he interrupted and swalllowed when she was reminded of the night they kindapped her.

"If you wouldn't have left me, there wouldn't be a point of kidnapping."

"There is nothing sweeter than a family reunion."

"He hates leaving traces behind." Deln's eyes were pinned on her, but he was thinking behind them. There was no turning back. The messanger had to be close to Rollins now. If he won't be there, Y/N won't kill him and Rollins will probably come after the slaver. Not that she cared about Deln's life, Rollins killing him before she kills Rollins was her insane fantasy no amount of stolen luck could grant her. Not even the freedom papers could pride themselves as the main reason. Kaz was why she needs to finish this job. Only he deserved the revenge and she had to be the one to gift it to him. She was obssesed with the possibility of his forgiveness if she does this. It would lift up the heaviest stone on her consciousness before her deserved death.

The girl watched him as his face lit up. "How will he know it's me. There is no proof that I have sent the letter." Yet his face slowly darkened in confusion again when he saw Y/N furrow her eyebrows and smile a little.

"Because you've signed it, Deln."

He opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out as everything connected. "The release papers." he sighed, still in awe. Y/N sighed in relief, she loved the feeling of the dominos falling perefectly on time. "You couldn't have remembered my signature. You couldn't have." it was more of a wish than a fact, he tried to convince himself there was a backdoor to this all, Y/N sealed them all though. She actually only focused on his signature, the distant feeling of an official freedom made her remember every single curve of his handwriting. When Rollins' guards were hitting her, the pain flashed it in her mind, keeping her going. Deln found her eyes and for the first time she saw fear in them. Not disgust or mockery, nor peace and happiness.

Fear. Of her.

"You little bitch." he whispered. He couldn't run, he couldn't deny anything. He was cornered. Messanger already delivered Deln's worst fear. Y/N knew he didn't want to be involved with Rollins' murder, that's why she was hired after all. His slave empire would fall if he would be accused of murdering the king of the Barrel, but if she was supposed to kill her past, she was going to kill everything.

A bell rang through the city. Quarter past seven.

Y/N looked up at the sky, a star right above her has shined her way through the mist. She recognized it immediately. "We have to go, can't leave him waiting." she stood before Deln, not moving until he does. He laughed silently, hiding behind his easy-going personality, fearing to accept his faith. After taking in a deep breath, he nodded to the side: "Lead the way."

Before they disappeared into the centre of the city, Y/N looked at her fifth star for the last time. In an hour, Rollins might be dead, Deln will take the blame and Y/N might get her peace in hell. The realization pained her, but she also saw the warm embrace of closure behind it.

A name of the star ran through her head. Little Y/N's whispered it into her ear as the wind picked up.

Karma. Coming for them all.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Kaz coughed when the water reached his nose, filling it up so he couldn't breathe, even though air was all around him and the hallways of the Emerald Palace were dry. Everytime they rounded a corner, one of the two Dime Lions that dragged him along moved his hand across his biceps, causing the waters wetting new parts of his body.

People say Kaz always has a plan and a backup plan for everything, and they are right. However, that was before Y/N appeared and claimed the spot in his heart and mind that he thought was either abandoned or dead. When the frustration he had on himself fizzled out, his cane was already carrying him to the steps of Pekka's place, knitting a quick plan on the way. Kaz thought the deed was done, when he ordered Rollins to say his brother's name and made him believe he buried his son, but apparently it wasn't enough. It will never be, Jakob Hertzoon had hurt many people, not just them. There could be other fools with dead siblings or parents, begging for revenge every night. Stupid kids, as he was once. He couldn't help them, but Dirtyhands will feel enough joy for all of them once the only thing functioning will be Rollins' heart.

That is for Y/N to take.

As he was slowly getting closer to Pekka's office, he didn't doubt the guards will be the easiest part. An old flame in him was ignited and it won't be put down 'till the blood paints every wall of this place. The guards stopped and tightened their grip as one of them opened a door to the office. Kaz thought of just throwing up on them, but kept it in until they pushed him on the floor and released their touch. He coughed again and the water disappeared once he took in the hard wooden floor. His ears picked up voices and the sight of his cane being handed to Rollins, then the men left and he was left alone with the lion.

Kaz pushed his face off the ground into a seated position. His cane hit the floor once before Rollins started talking: "Let's not waste our time Brekker. What do you want?" His accent rolling down his tongue as Kaz tried to stand up. The office looked smaller than his, but it gained one advantage on him once he saw the part of the room that served Y/N as backround when she said his name for the first time in a long time. Her voice still echoed somewhere in his mind and he could never find it and catch it. He never wanted to see her again, in all honesty he just wanted to put her in Hellgate, so she would never be anywhere without his knowledge again, but the R on his shoulder urged him to do this, to get their revenge and to see her at peace.

He cursed that R everyday.

When he was on the way up from his knees, a crow head digged into his shoulder, making him to look at the disgusting face the other person wore. His eyes yelled an answer into Pekka's and he frowned in annoyance once he understood. "Why do you all suddenly hunger for blood, eh? You had to plan this with her, ain't a chance you didn't." he complained while releasing a tension in Kaz's shoulder, letting him to stand up. The boy hated the mention of Y/N, even though he didn't say the girl's name, the knowledge about her could be heard. It only pour gasoline in the fire his eyes flashed. But Kaz wouldn't let him see, Rollins still had no idea Y/N visited the bastard and that they already caught up on the lost time. There was chance he knew, yet he would deny it even if she confessed into Rollins' face.

"Who are you talking about." It wasn't a question, he challenged him to talk about Y/N. However Kaz's fears became true when the man laughed exaggeratedly. "Oh come on! I know you broke her out of my house boy, don't pretend to be dumber than you are." Rollins sat down the cane by his table and reached a hand out for a bottle of whiskey. The sound of liquid knocking on the glass was followed by Pekka's hand that flipped the cup's contents inside his mouth. He'd let him have his last drink, after Dirtyhands is through with him, he'll probably throw it back out. Fingers tapped on the wooden table, disturbing the silence Kaz couldn't handle. "So, why are you doing it. For her?" The last sentence was mocking and rhetorical, quite ironic that it's the only right reason. Kaz limped slowly closer to his table, if he could get to the right spot, he should be able to pick his cane up.

With the 7th bell ringing in the distance, Rollins swallowed his second drink before he started to speak again: "She's not worth it son." Kaz noticed his eyes wandered into afar, making it a good oppurturnity to knock him out. Only if the sudden pain in his stomach caused by the petname disappeared. "You don't even know her, the things she's done." Wrong, thought immediately Kaz. She told him her entire life, leaving out only her birth maybe. But he tied his tongue and imprisoned it behind his teeth due to the concatration he fixed on his only weapon. Rollins didn't mind, he continued gladly to think about the old days.

Kaz's heartbeat fastened everytime he mentioned her, that Nina could be able to pick it up. This moment was one of the many recent, when he desired to go reverse time. Hell, delete it if needed, he just wished to be the 17 year old boy again, planning heists with his Crows, rolling his eyes at the overly-sweet endless pining between Jesper and Wylan, hearing Matthias call him numerous demonic and cursed names, entertaining himself by watching Nina and Inej silent-laugh at something stupid when he was bored. He's glad everyone is safe and that they persued their life callings, but some changes are hard to swallow and this one was still hot to eat. This crave of his heart made itself known before, last time when he saw Y/N in this very office, but now it altered a little, bringing him shame and joy at the same time.

Kaz could see a new person in the picture, laughing along side with the girls, learning Fjerdan solely for the purpose of mocking him, teasing Jesper and Wylan for being so corny. The person didn't fit the timeline, but that was besides the point. He could see her with him, by his side. It squeezed his heart and he didn't know if it's a hug or an attempt to crush it.

The door creaking turned his head around, stopping his hand just mere inches before his cane. A messanger. Rollins walked past Kaz and without a word, the newly present man handed him a letter and left. As the door shut, Kaz's hand made contact with the cane. Rollins' low and weak laugh called to his attention and once his eyes settled on him, the man brought his own pair up. The smile should've already warn him, but his ears waited to hear the conformation. Pekka lifted the letter to Kaz's eye level, as if he would see the small letters from their distance. Yet he knew what it was for sure once the receiver said:

"Speaking of the devil."

Moments after, the man whistled and within a second his guards busted the room, handling Kaz again. The boy tried to fight the hands off, he leaned back and then forth quickly, swinging his cane right after they let go a little, striking one in the stomache. The other got hit in the neck, but before he could finish either of them, a back- up came to aid, trapping him with their arms. He threw himself to sides, trying to loosen up their grip, however it seemed to seal him closer every move. Rollins' hearted laughter played to this scene and his voice continued with the same attitude after Kaz gave up. "Should've brought a gun on me son!" he laughed as he delivered his advice.

He could bring a gun, he could bring his whole crew, but the urge to kill him with his bare hands and stained his clothes with Hertzoon's blood was a virus that have spread all over him, controlling his doings and feelings. If holy water isn't enough to kill the devil, gun would be useless against Pekka Rollins.

The man wiped off tears from laughter and looked at the helpless boy. His hand stretched out to him with the letter between his fingers, his feet erasing the rest of the space. Kaz tried to avoid reading the letter, knowing it won't bring nothing else but additional pain. He often wondered how much of it can still fit in his heart. Of course when his view was filled with Y/N's handwriting and he had no other sight to see, he studied every line. Her signature writing didn't change much, it was still horrible. For a slave, it was a miracle to write at all though. He remembered having trouble to read the love note she'd written him, Jordie wasn't as helpful as he thought he would be, but Kaz lost the need to understand it. He could always find the little heart on every single one of those, that was plenty for him.

This note lacked hearts though, it also was readable and no love was expressed. It was signed by the slavor, Deln she named him. When the letter mentioned Y/N his heart fell. This was the plan to kill him.

"I mean," Pekka began to move his mouth again as he freed Kaz's eyes of the paper, "I'm told to go alone. But I won't mind the company."

He damned his pride for not bringing the gun after all.

46 notes · View notes

smoosnoom · 2 years ago

Note

MOON!!!!!!!!!!! i finally finally read invent love and !!! it took me forever cuz i was on vacation and can't read in a car or else i'll get sick and last night i was crying over tlou for a long time and went to sleep early but !! i finally read it and i have been so excited to and . ohhgg moon !!! u are such a lovely beautiful writer!!!! and i Know that it's because you're such a wonderful person so your art is as lovely as well!! and especially this one was so nice and delicate and everything neil and todd are. you write them so so well:((

n here r some of my fav quotes !!

"“Oh,” Neil breathes out, and Todd blushes down to the bone."

"He proposes learning, as if the effort of it would be worth living together."

sobbing over these btw . Btw . i love the way you write love .

"Todd would prefer to slowly collect the chipped pieces of himself under the spill of stars, rather than sunny skies. Sunlight has always made him feel too seen."

the way u write todd . ohgg it is so him . u get characters so so well!!!!!!

"He feels alive in the night.

When he looks at Neil, he’s still smiling, and Todd gets a sudden surge of sentimentality. He wonders if Neil knows how much it matters to Todd, him coming along like this, even if it had been a coincidence, even if it hadn’t been on purpose. He, still, has made it so much easier to breathe."

"When Neil’s smile grows, just a little, it feels like the sun has made its appearance, after all.

Todd doesn’t look around to check."

"Todd looks back to the view before him, although it doesn’t compete with the sight of Neil’s pinkened cheeks, his tousled hair, run through by the wind. It’s not the first time Todd’s wished to be part of the winter breeze."

i think this is my all time favorite quote forever . i read it and literally said Ohmygod because . yeah it's gorgeous i am Obsessed ..!!!

and there r definitely more but here r my most favorites !!!! again i love your writing always and get so so excited when you post a new story and i'm so happy i finally got to read it<3<3<3 i hope u have a vvv good day and or night moon<3 remember you are a very lovely person and you shine so brightly !!!!! okay goodbye .!!

donnie i need u to forgive me ok i entirely planned on answering this way sooner and then i . didnt . i am soososoo sorry !!!! but i am here now . and Ready .

fellow tlou liker !!!!! it makes me sob my eyes out every single episode it is insane oh my god . dont u ever apologize again because i took literal Weeks to finally reply to this !!!!

u are sincerely too nice to me 😭😭 ohh thank u very much finn !!! i try very hard to make my writing . nice . obviously LOL but it means the world to me that u think so :) it means everything ever thanku thank u !!!!!

"i love the way you write love" what if i cry . what if i fall into several crumbly pieces and erode into nothingness over time . what then . oh my god im getting this tattooed across my brain

todd is . a little difficult for me to write so i am so happy u think so !!! between him and neil he definitely comes less easily to me so i am so happy u think so !!! thanku so much !!!!!!!

"i think this is my all time favorite quote forever" ??>:l>{PJPW3 SOSBBIBINGGGG finn please . i will cry forever and ever and ever and

ur asks always mean everything to me !!! i feel like sunshine inside thank u so much for how kind u are, its always the highlight of posting anything new :] thank u so much finn, u are the brightest star and i hope i can keep posting things u enjoy !!!!!

#/ask #donnie byersverse u have my Heart u really do #ive read over this ask like 9002049 times

3 notes · View notes

flooffybits · 3 years ago

Text

In Your Face

Idol: Jo Haseul (Loona)

marshmallow: Hi!! Can i request a scenario where Haseul and the reader are gf, but all the girls think they are just best friends and then one day they find them making out and are really surprised and Haseul and the reader are like "you really didnt know??", please and thanku if u do it🥺 (sorry if the request is weird its my very first time requesting and english isnt my first language😔)

Word count: 2.1k

Warning: slightly suggestive

A/n: that’s okay! please never apologize especially since it isn’t your first language - this goes for everyone else in the future if they decide to send requests and are scared of messing up

☕ buy me a coffee☕

You wouldn’t call your relationship a secret.

Honestly, you were pretty sure you and Haseul have been very obvious especially with how comfortable she was with you around her members. The initial introduction had been a little out of nowhere since Jinsol and Chaewon both spotted the two of you during one of Loona’s breaks.

You had been on a date and the other pair, coincidentally, ended up in the same place you and their leader were at.

Out of curiosity, they approached her and asked who you were, which then resulted in them gushing about you to the rest of the members by the time they came back to the dorms. This then prompted Yeojin to complain about not meeting Haseul’s best friend first and soon demanded to meet you in a childish and playful little rant.

You had to admit, you were a little nervous meeting so many people at once. While Jiwoo, Yerim, and Heejin were very welcoming of your presence, Hyeju’s stare and Yeojin’s glare made you a little nervous. It wasn’t until Haseul told them to cut it out did the pair finally let up and finally interrogate you, wanting to know who exactly you were to their leader.

You hit it off with all eleven of them pretty well.

Kahei was more than happy to meet you, understanding your struggles when you had first moved to South Korea, and Haseul was glad that you were comfortable with her members since she was afraid they might scare you off with their slightly overwhelming personalities.

“When is Y/n unnie coming over again?” Haseul looked up in confusion when Hyunjin walked into her room. It wasn’t as though you weren’t welcome, in fact, the girls always looked forward to your visits with how much happier the leader looked and with how you always made sure to look after them.

You were fun, Sooyoung stated and began to tease the leader by saying you balanced each other out.

Haseul’s rebuttal was that she was a fun person, too. You were just ten times more energetic than she was.

“She was literally here two days ago.” Your girlfriend giggled while putting the shirt she was folding on her lap. “Why?” The cat pouted at her answer and shook her head. “I want to go out.” She replies and Haseul’s expression softens. “We have a groupchat with her in it and you have her number, too.”

But Hyunjin only pouted more and Haseul had to playfully roll her eyes at her antics.

“Fine, let me see if she’s not busy today.”

You weren't, but she did get a kick out of pranking some of the members by saying that you wouldn't be able to visit until the weekend. She swears that this was the most Yeojin's thrown a tantrum and Yerim all but pouts at the idea of not seeing you sooner.

Even Hyeju had tried to coax her into convincing you to drop by.

And by the time you were at their doorstep, Jungeun happily pulled you inside, grinning as Haseul was on her way to see you.

"I thought you said she wasn't coming!" Heejin yelled in disbelief and you raise a brow at your girlfriend before she starts giggling again. "I was just kidding."

"Yah! I almost made plans!" Yeojin complained and you grin while throwing an arm around Haseul's shoulders. "You're free to head out. I'll just be keeping your leader company." You tease, making the maknae pout at you while you laugh and pinch her cheek. “Come on, I’m pretty sure you girls will only have me go home when you want to.”

It wasn’t the first time you had to stay over, anyway.

“Really?” Jiwoo squealed, perking up from her place before Kahei placed a hand on her back to calm her down. “I’m sure Y/n will be busy, too, so don’t pressure her.” You smile appreciatively at the eldest before waving a hand. “It’s alright, unnie. I’m free for the time being, so you girls can keep me around as long as you want tonight.”

“Are you sure?” Haseul intervened, looking a little worried as her hand landed on your arm. She didn’t want you to stay just to appease her members. “Don’t worry, my work’s almost done for the week so I have time.” Her heart skips a beat with the tenderness in your gaze and she has to tear her gaze away just so you wouldn’t catch her blushing.

When they finally settle down after the initial excitement, you find yourself between Jinsol, Yerim, and Yeojin, the three of them pulling you along to check the video they took not too long ago to ask you for your input. Since they found out you were good at editing, they often came to you when it came to their vlogs and Loona kick videos.

“How did you do that?" Jinsol asked, astonished when she played the video back to see the transition you added. "It's a little trick I picked up on before. The light distracts your eyes so you don't notice the change." You tell them, playing the video by frame for them to see. "Woah, you're awesome unnie!" Yerim cheered happily, clapping her hands in delight as Yeojin tried to experiment on this new information you've given them.

Haseul watched with a fond smile as you continued to teach the girls a few more editing tricks before she felt the couch dip. And when she turned her head, she spotted Jungeun sitting casually beside her.

“Y/n unnie is really great. I’m glad you have a friend like her outside the group.” She’s a little surprised and tries to correct her friend, however Jungeun continued. “I know that things have been rough for you unnie, but I think I can speak for the rest of the girls that we’re all happy to know someone’s there to take care of you.”

“Oh, that’s really nice but Y/n and I-”

There’s a sudden crash somewhere else in the dorm and Haseul shoots up on instinct, alarmed, just like you as you rush to the general direction of where the sound had come from. To your surprise, you find Hyunjin and Sooyoung looking like owls with their eyes wide open and hands raised in the air. Jiwoo was already scolding them, but you decide to check if anyone was injured while Chaewon grabbed the broom to sweep the broken pieces of whatever the hell it was that broke.

“What happened?”

And honestly, Haseul ends up forgetting to correct Jungeun about your relationship, again.

“I’d like to say we’ve been pretty obvious around them.” Haseul comments with her feet propped up on your lap and you give her an incredulous look that makes her laugh before shoving your arm in a playful manner. “Those girls have seen me give you kisses much more than a friend usually does.”

“They’re oblivious.” You raise a brow and she has to roll her eyes. “You know the stereotypical saying that we can be oblivious? Yeah, that’s them.”

You burst out laughing at her claim and she can’t help but join you, pushing your shoulder in an attempt to stop you, but there was no denying her giggles either. “Stop it, I’m serious!” She tells you, but that only makes you laugh harder. “I’m sorry but I cannot believe you just said that, about your members no less.” You say in between giggles and she just smiles at how adorable you look before leaning in to give you a peck on the lips.

That effectively calms you down to look at your girlfriend and she merely smiled before cupping your cheek. “You’re so lucky you’re cute.” She murmurs and your nose crinkles a little when she comes closer. “I’m sorry to say, but you’re the cute one here.” You retort and she doesn’t know how many times she’s rolled her eyes at you within that hour nor does she care when she bridges the gap between you and shuts you up once more.

There’s something about her kisses that’s always so intoxicating because you can never seem to stop as soon as her lips are on yours.

Even when her breathing grows heavy and the small noises that she makes when you begin to nip at the skin of her neck, she lets you have more before pulling your face back up to crush your lips together in a needy and slightly messy kiss.

You’re both so caught up in each other, pulling the other closer, you don’t hear the door opening until there’s a gasp and a strangled sound coming from one of the people entering the room.

Haseul is quick to pull back and you’re snapped out of your dazed state as soon as you find Sooyoung and Hyeju standing at the door with wide eyes, Jinsol standing right behind them and almost in a similar state.

“What the hell is going on here?” Sooyoung all but shrieks, looking absolutely scandalized while your face flushes. “Since when were you- You guys are-” Hyeju can’t even form a proper sentence with how shocked she is, but maybe if she found out with better circumstances, she’d be able to say something coherent.

This wasn’t one of those circumstances however.

Which was how you soon found yourselves surrounded by the rest of Loona in their living room. Despite Haseul being the “mom” of the group, it was a little amusing to see… if you weren’t also bowing your head in embarrassment with her.

“So you guys have been together all this time?” Jiwoo asked, astonished and Haseul rubs the back of her neck, looking a little sheepish. “I mean it’s not like we’ve been hiding it.” She mumbles and Kahei’s eyes grow a little wider, wider compared to when she first found out that you and the leader were dating.

“Wait, wait, wait, how long has this been going on?” Hyunjin asks for everyone, because they honestly should have noticed something but it looked like all of them were on the same boat as her and not a single one was aware of the relationship.

Glancing at each other, you decided to answer this time. “We just reached a year when Jinsol and Gowon saw us.” You shrug and there’s a collective gasp from the group, and again, you would have laughed if this was any other circumstances.

“A year?!”

“You’ve been hiding her from us for a year?” Kahei asked, astounded with how Haseul was able to keep the secret for so long. But then again, they all had things that they kept to themselves out of their own comfort, so she doesn’t exactly blame her for wanting to keep it private.

But neither you nor Haseul were even keeping it private.

“You guys really didn’t know?” Your girlfriend asks this time and Yeojin snorts a little. “That’s why we’re asking, unnie!” She can’t help stressing a little, but when you give the room another once over, you can clearly see that none of the girls looked as though they had an issue with your relationship.

The only issue was that you had, in their eyes, been hiding from them.

“Honestly, we couldn’t tell. You guys just looked like really close friends.” Heejin comments and Haseul can’t help but laugh before giving you a look. “I told you.” The rest of the girls are confused while you only roll your eyes and smile. “I see that now.”

“What?” Hyeju asks confusedly and you hold yourself from laughing too much before answering. “Haseul told me you guys were as dense as bricks when it came to romance and you’ve pretty much proven her right.”

There’s a chorus of disagreements around and you just raise your hands in defense.

“No, it’s true. I mean look how long it took for Chuu unnie and Yves unnie to actually realize they liked each other.” Chaewon piped up, causing the pair’s face to redden before the leader of yyxy threw a pillow at her. “Yah!”

“Jinsol unnie and Lip unnie too!” Yerim shouted, only to run away when Jungeun shot her a glare, though the younger girl knew well enough just how much the sixth girl was pining after Jinsol during their promotions for Butterfly.

When everyone starts with their usual banter again, forgetting why you were all gathered in the living room in the first place, you and Haseul exchange a look and smile to yourselves before quietly slipping back to her room.

She makes sure the door is locked so that you don’t get interrupted in case you get caught up in the moment again.

#girl group #girl group scenarios #girl group imagines #loona #loona scenarios #loona imagines #loona x reader #jo haseul #haseul #haseul scenarios #haseul imagines

127 notes · View notes

thismaydestroyme · 3 years ago

Text

a/n: HELP YOU GUYS WANTED AN ALTERNATE ENDING BECAUSE YOU GUYS DIDNT LIKE THE ONE I DID…. PUSSY HAHAHAHA

Y/N hasn’t been home since Harry walked out. The minute Harry left the house, it felt weird. It was no longer a place you called home.

After an hour of his departure, you packed your things and drove. You didn’t stop for hours until you felt your car giving out. It started slowing down and out of nowhere it just stopped in the middle of nowhere. The first thing you did was let out a horrific scream. You couldn’t understand why everything is falling apart. Harry left and now you’re in the middle of nowhere and it’s starting to get dark.

If Harry wasn’t mad at you, he would’ve been the first person you would call but right now you’re just alone. You let this loneliness sweep over you, and you just closed your eyes letting the pain consume you. You hurt the only person you cared for and now you’re getting high trying to forget this whole day. You were that out of it that you didn’t even know you lit your last joint you had in your car.

Two hours had gone by, and you didn’t make an effort to move or even call for help. The last two hours you only saw five cars pass. You decided the pity party you were throwing was over and now you want to get the fuck out of this place. You grab your phone, and your mind immediately went to Harry’s contact and before you could even press the ��call’ option you were flooded with the last image you had of Harry and that made you shut off your phone and let the soft tears go down your face.

“You really did fuck up.” You whispered to yourself. You let out a deep breath and decided to think.

Jesse.

You call him waiting for him to pick up.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Jesse asked.

“I- I need your help. My car just stopped in the middle of the road, and I’ve been here for two hours, and I just need your help.” You felt so defeated and drained. All you want to do right now is close your eyes and just hope today was all a dream, but it wasn’t. Today is very real.

“Two hours??! Y/N why did you call me sooner or Harry?” By the hint of Jesse’s tone, he’s probably annoyed but you can’t answer his question because the truth was, you didn’t want to be saved.

“Will you help me?” You sniffled, wiping the leftover tears off your face.

“Of course, where are you?”

“I’m not sure. I- I-”

“It’s okay, I have your location. I will be there in 20 minutes.” He said and you could hear him grabbing his keys and shuffling around.

“Thank you.”

. .

“I think you should call Harry.” Jesse said turning the heat on in his car because when he found you, you were practically shaking.

“It’s fine. I’ll call a different mechanic.” You shrugged it off picking your cuticles.

“Y/N, why not call Harry? He’s your boyfriend and he’s a mechanic. He could pick up your car for free. Just do it.”

You knew he was right, but you weren’t ready to face Harry just yet. He hasn’t been more than five hours and you calling him would probably annoy him more, but Jesse was right, and you need your car off the road as soon as possible.

“Okay, I will call him when we’re at your place.” You said.

“You don’t want me to drive you home?”

“Nope. Not yet.”

. .

You’re at Jesse’s place in his living room alone because he’s in his room taking a nap. You know it’s a perfect time to call Harry, but you were scared to hear from him. But you know you need to.

You turned on your phone and scrolled to find his contact and clicked “call.”

Hearing it ring made your body tense up waiting for that voicemail, but you weren’t expecting what came out of your phone.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong.” Harry asked.

Your mouth dropped because you didn’t expect Harry to pick up and on top of that being worried about you.

“Y/N?” He snapped you out of your trance.

“I- hey. I’m so sorry to bother you, but I need your help with something.”

“Don’t apologize. What do you need?” You hear Harry getting up probably trying to find his car keys because you hear him pacing.

“Umm, my car broke down in the middle of the road. I’m fine, I- Jesse picked me up. I wanted to call you first, but I didn’t want to bother you, but I’m doing that now, so-”

“Where are you now and where’s your car?” Harry cut you off from your rambling session.

“I’m at Jesse’s place and I will need to ask Jesse because he found me by using the close friend feature on the iPhone.” You said biting your nails.

“I’m going to pick you up and I’ll take you to your car and I’ll bring you both to the repair shop. Okay?” Harry said.

“Okay.”

“Good. I’ll be there in thirty minutes so I can get the towing truck. I’ll text you when I’m outside.”

“Thank you.”

#harry styles #harry styles x y/n #harry styles y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles blurb #harry styles au #harry styles angst

57 notes · View notes

vibraniumphoenix · 3 years ago

Text

until you came along. [ b.b ]

a dad!bucky barnes x fem!reader wherein bucky finally gets to meet his little one.

WARNING: bucky hinting about his past but aside from that nothing else! maybe this fic giving you baby fever idrk, time is set somewhere after the events of tfatws, and lowercase intended!

A/N: hi my baby fever is torture and im dragging you along with me. dad!bucky has been stuck in my head for so long now and i’ve been feeling guilty abt not sharing that with you. please reblog the post, it really means a lot!

---

if someone was to tell bucky from a few years back he would be an expecting father, he would probably chuckle bitterly as he turned down the idea; but here he was now, rushing in the middle of the car-filled streets of new york, to finally meet his new born baby.

he cursed under his breath as the cab he was in turned into another corner that had cars barely moving, fingers drumming against the sides of his thighs as he tried to calm himself down, his right arm pulling out his phone to see multiple messages from your mother, asking where was he as you were already in active labor一 that was several hours ago.

he and sam were on a mission, taking down some mafia gang that wanted to smuggle in illegal goods in trade for stolen a truck filled with stolen vibranium; his mind replaying how he didnt want to leave the hospital and stay by your side, but you pushed him to go, not expecting that the infant would arrive later that day.

as soon as he saw the tall building of the hospital you were at, he paid the driver and got out of the car, sprinting all the way to the entrance where his father-in-law was waiting, “i’m so sorry i couldn’t come sooner一” were the words that left bucky’s mouth until he was cut off, “it’s alright, you should head up, your little one’s waiting upstairs.” your father said, patting him on the back as he motioned with his other hand to go.

weaving his way inside, he quickly found your room and composed himself, standing up straight as he caught his breath, smoothing the invisible wrinkles on his clothes before slowly opening the door, peeking his head through its crack to see your sleeping figure on the bed, your mother sitting right by your side.

“bucky!” your mother quietly greeted, standing up to give him a hug. her smile was wide as she stared at his almost organized look, his hair still in a disarray from the rush he was in moments prior. “both of your angel’s are sleeping as of the moment, you should get some rest too, son. me and f/n will go home and set everything up for the baby” she calmly said, motioning the seat that she was previously in.

a small smile formed on his lips as he nodded, wanting to actually take a seat and be with you. “thank you for looking after her, ma.” he answered, hugging the woman tightly before letting go, waving his had as she left the room.

he quietly walked over and took a seat, observing the small sleeping figure inside the clear bassinet next to your bed, tears forming up in his eyes to see such a peaceful little face. gently raising a single digit over the crib, he gently caressed the baby’s hand which held onto his finger, “hey there, little one. I’m your dad.”

---

you stirred awake, body feeling extra sore still from giving birth, you were about to open your eyes when you heard bucky’s voice, “... and i was probably more scared than your momma could ever be at that moment, my little angel.” you opened your eyes a little to see bucky carrying the infant in his arms, sat down, slightly facing the window.

the warm rays of the early sun peeked through the blinds of the window, illuminating the peacefulness displayed on his face, “when your momma said that she had a suspicion you were in her belly, she was scared that i would leave ‘er, since we weren’t even into a year of dating一 little did she know that i feared what would become of us.”

your heart broke silently as you tuned into his confession to the baby, “i’m way older than your grandma and grandpa, i’m afraid that i could never see you grow up, i’m afraid that your momma would leave me for someone younger, that could be better a dad than old me.” his voice was soft, fragile almost as cradled your son.

“but i set those fears aside when i saw you sleeping in that crib of yours, lookin’ so angelic as you slept. i could have only wished to start a family before since i… i was considered to be someone so dangerous; i’ve always thought i would never find love but momma came along and proved me wrong, and now you’re here with me.” bucky continued, raising the small babe up to place a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“i’ve seen so much on this earth that i thought i’ve seen everything it has to offer. your dad’s cool since he got to fight such a big alien and so many bad guys before but i never really realized how much of life i missed until i saw you open your eyes and look at me. i’ve never deemed my life so… worthy until i you and momma came along.” bucky finished, bringing up his flesh hand to wipe the tear that had managed to escape, sighing softly.

you also brought a hand up, wiping the tears that you didn’t even notice away before quietly calling out your husband’s name, making him look back at you with a big surprise, quick to get on his feet and sat by your bed, his flesh hand holding onto yours as he leaned down to place a kiss on your lips. “how long have you been up, darling?”

you smiled tiredly, “just enough time to hear you ramble on to your son.” your tone light and teasing, making the latter chuckle in embarrassment that you had caught him being so soft, “who knew mr. bucky barnes could be such a softy.”

“for someone who just gave birth, you sure are in a teasing mood, baby.” he groaned, shaking his head at your antics. “i’m sorry i couldn’t be here for you when this little troublemaker arrived, y/n.” bucky apologized, looking at you with a small yet disappointed smile. “i knew i should have never taken up that mission.”

you squeezed his hand, shaking your head firmly. “no, james, don’t ever blame yourself for that.” you started off, “i said that you should go一 besides, you’re here now, with me and our little prince and that’s what matters.” you reassure him, bringing his hand up to your lips to place a gentle kiss on his already healing, bruised up knuckles.

bucky sighed softly, knowing better than to argue with you about that, “i know better than to argue with you about that, y/n.” he retorted softly, heart filled with love as his vision bounced from your featured to the sleeping one in his arms, gently exclaiming, “my god, i love you both so much.”

you laughed softly, warmth spreading throughout your body at the sight of the, now two, men in your life, “and we love you too, bucky. we love you too.”

---

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes blurb #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fics #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x fem!reader #marvel #mcu x reader

219 notes · View notes

noctroluco · 2 years ago

Note

are there any updates with the t-shirts? :) no rush i am just curious

yup!!!

first of all, sorry for the delayed ask, ive been workin my ass off this week packin the shirts ironically enough. i wasnt able to post them this week but they should arrive to europe by like wednesday next week.

anyways, to get here and to the actual update as to why im so motherfucking late

first of all yall remember when they came right? well turns out HALF of the batch they fucked up, half. they had this weird fuckin ink spill or whatever. so i go, fuckin frenzied takin pictures of them all and i send the printing company 20+ pictures of them tryin to be as polite as possible while naturally stressin the fuck out of it cause thats me

again they took a good few days to answer, i was able to order them again, they took few extra days _again_ to confirm the actual order for some reason despite confirmin me on the next day before.

so then we get to the second, why i didnt send the other, good half of the batch earlier. right after the first shirts came i had this music festival right. all goes well except that to make it to the specific concert we originally got the tickets for in the first place was aboutta start and my good bestie and i had to walk fast/run round 2km, and during that fateful 2km i somehow broke my hip. i got this like.. severe awful fucking pain in my hip>leg>knee and i was basically unable to move for two weeks. went to pride thinkin i was fine, no it got way worse. went to get envelopes and ask about the weight for the packages as the post office site sucks major ass, it got actually unbearable. hence why i havent been able to get to the post office.

i know i fucked up by not sendin an update sooner thinking the new batch was comin fast enough but they only came this week and i wasnt able to make it to the post until next week’s monday. im so fuckin majorly sorry about this extra time ive taken and i promise u i feel so fuckin bad about it and as an apology and a like, thank you for the patience yall have given me, ive made prints of each character to go along with the shirts along with priority shipping, so they should arrive faster. i really hope yall take it as my humblest of apologies.

#man yall dont even know the major anxiety this bumps given me im so so so sorry.#it sucks and i dont really know how to like make it better other than to draw you guys something special #cause thats like the only thing im good at #so i really hope they like. make up for this extra time. blagh. im sorry yall.#if it helps at all i think the kendall one might be one of my favourite draws ive ever made #but i shant show until folks get their tees…… they shall remain a secret for now!#i also wanted to send like little bags of finnish candy but i dont know if they will get thru customs if i do!!!!#but know the sentiment is there #also the stamps are soooooo pretty #anyway!!#shirt update #hope thisll do <:( please yall can send me any questions or any comments at all i can take a lot in terms of psychological pain

6 notes · View notes

iceeckos12 · 4 years ago

Note

some prompt ideas for your perusal! cold hands; lingering gaze; sharp words; an unexpected gift; walking with the wind causing your scarf and hair to billow out behind you.

a;kdjf i am very slowly working through these prompts. thanks so much for sending them! i settled on sharp words. and since you didnt specify the pairing that means i get to pick so....s2 canon divergence jontim??

thank you again to Bloodsbane on discord for helping with characterization.

cw for stalking, jon is vaguely suicidal, casual discussion of tim theoretically murdering jon

It’s two o’clock on a Saturday afternoon, and Tim is standing in front of his house, arms aching under a heavy load of groceries, staring at the person sitting on the bench across from his house. Their face is hidden behind a newspaper, but he can faintly make out the peach-colored plasters that encircle the fingers even from here, and he cannot do this right now.

He sets the groceries down on the front porch with a bit more force than he meant to and marches across the street. The fingers tighten and the paper crinkles loudly as he approaches, but the hands don’t lower, and that somehow pisses him off even more.

Tim grabs the top of the newspaper and yanks, and Jon lets out a surprised cry as half his cover is ripped away. They stare at each other for a moment, Tim so incandescent with anger that he can’t even begin to speak, Jon’s eyes wide and surprised and tinged with the faintest flush of fear.

Tim takes a step forward. Jon lets out a tiny, pathetic sound and flinches, lifting his arms to protect his head, and Tim -

Stops. Feels every bit of the anger drain out of him, replaced with bone-deep hurt and bitter disappointment and pure exhaustion.

“Well?” he asks, gesturing toward his house. “If you’re not planning on leaving, you might as well come inside.”

Jon’s throat bobs as he swallows once, then twice, and slowly lowers his arms. His gaze is still bright with fear as he tentatively asks, “Are you...are you going to kill me?”

Anger flashes through him white hot, and he closes his eyes and breathes through it. Once he feels like he’s not going to start screaming, he opens his eyes and looks steadily down at Jon. “And what would you do if I was going to kill you?” his gaze travels slowly over Jon, noting the rumpled shirt, the stark lack of anything to defend himself with. Out loud he wonders, “What was your plan?”

Jon just looks at him, mouth agape, like he hadn’t thought that far ahead. Tim sighs, turns around, and walks back to the house. Either Jon will follow him, or he won’t.

He’s not sure if he’s disappointed or relieved when he hears quiet footsteps behind him.

Jon doesn’t say anything as Tim lets them into the house, as he puts his groceries away. He just hovers in the living room, looking around warily like he’s never seen the place before, which he has. Tim, Jon, and Sasha used to have movie nights here when they were researchers, and the memory of them sitting together on the couch, laughing over some stupid plot twist or what have you, almost bowls him over.

“Take a seat,” Tim orders stiffly. “Tea?”

Jon opens his mouth, then thinks better of it and simply nods, shoulders tight as a bowstring as he sits carefully on one of the chairs.

Tim thinks about all the things that he wants to say, all the things he probably shouldn’t say, as he fills the kettle. What he really wants are some magic words that will make everything go back to the way it was before they joined the archives, when there were no worms or murderers and things were easy. There aren’t, of course there aren’t, and it’s a stupid, wistful thought, but he wants it so badly that he has to dig his fingernails into the palms of his hands to ground himself.

But that’s impossible, because there were worms, and Jon’s paranoia has a very real source, for all that his reaction to it is invasive and unacceptable. He doesn’t think there’s any possible way to fix it, but there has to be a way to make this better, to - to relieve the pressure, so to speak.

Christ, Tim just wants his friend back.

So he puts the kettle on the stove, removes two mugs and a box of tea down from his cabinet. Takes a deep breath and turns to look at Jon, whose gaze immediately snaps from the house to him.

“So,” Tim begins, then stops, uncertain where to go from there. Then, because Jon is still favoring him with that wary, suspicious scowl, “Stop looking at me like that.”

Jon’s head jerks down and his gaze skitters away, but he doesn’t apologize.

Tim lets out a ragged sigh, drags his hands over his face, and reminds himself that Jon came here despite his suspicion, which must mean that deep down he’s sick of this too. “Jon, this has to stop.”

Jon bites his lip, his shoulders tensing up around his ears. He looks two seconds from bolting, but still he says nothing.

“Christ, Jon,” Tim bursts out, slapping his hand against the counter for emphasis. He almost pauses when Jon flinches so hard he almost falls right out of his seat, but shakes his head and soldiers on. “What - what the fuck do you want? From - from me, from Martin. What can I do to convince you that I’m not some cold-blooded killer?”

“What I want is to find Gertrude’s killer!” Jon bursts out, finally. “If I can just figure it out, get some answers -”

Tim throws his arms into the air. “And then what? You - you’re not even carrying anything to defend yourself. What if I was the killer?” he looks around the kitchen frantically. Points to the kettle, “What if I poisoned this tea? Or,” points to the knife block, “Or took one of these knives out and stabbed you? What then, Jon?”

“Then at least I would know,” Jon grits, eyes wild. “At least then it would be over.”

“Well sure,” Tim retorts, sharp as anything. “And then you’d be no better off than Gertrude, because you’d be dead.”

They both freeze mid-gesture at that. Jon stares at Tim, eyes wide, mouth pressed in a firm, tight line. Tim lowers his hands to his sides, the air in his lungs escaping in one long, slow rush.

“Is that really what you want?” he asks, and it comes out all soft, less like the sharp accusation he wanted it to. “Because...even if you don’t believe me, that’s not what I want.”

Jon finally looks away, his long, clever fingers rubbing senseless patterns against the arm of the chair. “I want to believe you,” he says miserably. “I’m just....”

The kettle behind him screams, and Tim finally creaks into motion. He turns around and mechanically pours the boiling water into the mugs, watching as the liquid almost immediately begins to darken. He adds a bit of the milk that he’d purchased just that day, then some sugar, and walks over to deposit one in front of Jon.

Then he sits down on the couch, cradling the other mug between his palms, and asks, “Do you really think that I’m a killer?”

Jon turns to him, eyes wide. “No!” then cringes inward, one hand reaching up to tug at his messy curls. “Yes. Fuck, I can’t...I just don’t know, Tim. You’re, I don’t think you are, I don’t - but Gertrude didn’t either, did she? She wasn’t, she wasn’t careful enough, and someone killed her, someone got her, and if I’m not careful they’ll get me too. I, I can’t relax, I can’t get comfortable -”

Tim raises a quelling hand, cutting him off before he can spiral any further, burying the hurt that one desperate yes had caused. “So we’re all equally suspicious.”

“Yes,” Jon says, relieved. He picks up his tea, looks down into it, before setting it aside again, like he really does suspect that it’s been poisoned.

“Okay,” Tim says, drumming his fingers against his knee, thinking. Jon is watching him intently, though it’s less frightened and more hopeful, like he’s expecting Tim to magically produce the solution to all his problems. It used to be nice, when someone as smart as Jon looked at him like that. Instead he just feels vaguely annoyed, because this isn’t his fucking responsibility - except he’s committed now, so it kind of is. “...What if I helped you?”

Jon gives him a startled look. “I - what?”

Tim shrugs, trying to figure out how to word this in a way that’ll get through to Jon. “I mean, you said it yourself. You don’t actually have a plan if you find the killer, so it doesn’t matter. If I’m the murderer you’ll be dead, but at least you’ll know.” He can’t believe he’s actually suggesting this. “If I’m not, then you’ll have a second pair of hands helping you figure this all out.”

Jon looks equally incredulous for a moment, but then it fades into quiet consideration. Eventually he says, “...But why? Why would you...”

“Because I hate that you’re doing this, but you’re scared and I don’t think I can convince you to stop,” Tim tells him tiredly. “I’d rather know what you’re doing instead of you just...shutting me out.” That hurts more than anything else, he doesn’t say. “And if I help, maybe this will all be over sooner. Maybe this will finally end.”

For a moment Jon looks at him, and for a moment he gets a glimpse of what’s buried beneath all the primal terror and sleep-deprived fervor: Jon as he was, young and small and scared. That little bit of clarity lands like a gut punch.

“...I’m sorry, Tim,” Jon whispers, curling in on himself, wrapping his fingers in his sweater. “I’m sorry that you have to do this. I’m so sorry. But...yes, please help me.”

“Yeah, well,” Tim forces a wry smile on his face that probably looks more like a grimace, and feels something lock in place. “What are us assistants for?”

#smallhorizons #my writing #iceeckos12 writes #i guess this is more pre jontim than jontim but #jontim #tma

74 notes · View notes

justmeandmysickies · 3 years ago

Note

From the prompt list... “Something really isnt sitting right” and “why didnt you say anything sooner” for key and jaylen since you wanted requests for them ☺️ (im gonna send more, surprise me with sickies, i love em both)

Thank you so much for the request, I hope this turned out okay!

Thank god he isn't mad

characters: Key and Jaylen

warnings: emeto

Key was mad, Jaylen was sure of it.

They had been out to a nice restaurant with Jaylen’s bandmates, and everything had been going well until Key had suddenly stopped talking to him.

Now in the car on their way back home Key had done nothing besides staring out of the window. And Jay was getting irritated. What the hell had he done this time? He couldn’t remember doing or saying anything that could have angered his boyfriend. And yet Key hadn’t said a word to him in the last 30 minutes.

Just as Jaylen was starting to get himself seriously worked up, a groan sounded from the passenger seat. He turned to face his boyfriend who was hunched over with both hands on his middle.

“Stomach bothering you?” He asked, a little bewildered at the sudden revelation.

“Mh.” Came the quiet answer and with that Key straightened up and went back to staring out the window.

“So, you’re not mad at me?”

“Mad?” Key asked, slightly confused by his boyfriend’s question. “Why would I be mad at you? You did not do anything wrong.”

“Oh thank god, I was seriously worried for a second there.” Jaylen laughed awkwardly.

“Ohhh this really hurts.” Key moaned, once again curling around his middle as another cramp tore through his stomach. “Something is really not sitting right with me.”

Jaylen’s smile vanished. “Aw, why didn’t you say something sooner, baby?” He asked, as he put a hand on the blonde’s thigh, carefully rubbing it up and down. “We could have crashed at Toby’s place. That would’ve saved us the drive home – you could’ve gone straight to bed.”

“I know but I am really nauseous. And if I am actually going to be sick, I would rather do it at home.” As if to emphasize his statement, a wet burp gurgled up his chest, making him apologize quietly.

“Is it that bad?” Jay questioned, now also getting a little worried about his car’s upholstery. Not to mention his emetophobic tendencies which had his heart absolutely racing at the moment. Being stuck in a car with a puking passenger is not exactly ideal for an emetophobic driver. Key only hummed, not trusting himself to speak.

Unfortunately, Jay was certain he didn’t have anything for Key to be sick into since he’d cleaned out his car just the day before. A decision he was deeply regretting now, especially because there didn’t seem to be anywhere, he could pull over at the moment.

Of course there was still a chance they would make it home, so Jaylen was counting on that.

Luck obviously wasn’t on their side. Just a few minutes later Key burped again. This time there was a splashing sound in the back of his throat – Jaylen immediately whipped his head around to look at his boyfriend. Key’s eyes were wide, and he had his hand clamped tightly over his mouth.

“Pull over.” He mumbled warningly, but Jaylen could barely hear him over the sound of his own blood pumping.

Holy shit, his boyfriend was going to puke, and he had nowhere to go. Never before had he wanted to close his eyes and plug his ears so badly – unfortunately, he was driving and as much as he hated his current predicament, he wasn’t trying to die.

Key swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. A horrible decision, really.

Swallowing the excess saliva, his stomach immediately sent a wave of his dinner up. He swallowed again, trying to keep everything in but the next wave he couldn’t hold back. With a powerful heave hot vomit started seeping out of his fingers and onto his favorite pair of jeans.

Jaylen was trying his hardest to keep himself under control, although he couldn’t help but gag at the smell, when he finally found a place to pull over. And not a second too soon – the car hadn’t even fully come to a stop as Key quickly threw open his door, a wave of projectile vomit hitting the pavement below. Tears sprung to his eyes as he desperately tried to take in a breath. His stomach clenched hard, and he cried out in pain right before another round of his barely digested dinner made a reappearance.

Meanwhile, Jaylen wasn’t doing so hot himself. Seeing your boyfriend lose his dinner in your car would be an unfortunate experience for anyone but for Jay, “unfortunate” didn’t quite cover it.

He swung his door open, empty gagging quickly turned productive and about two minutes later there were considerable amounts of vomit on both sides of the car.

Key was the first one to lean back into his seat. He sighed looking down at himself. Both his hands, as well as his jeans were covered in vomit. He cringed at the wet, sticky feeling on his thighs. He was about to ask his boyfriend for a napkin, when he saw that Jaylen was also painting the pavement with their expensive dinner. He couldn’t help but feel guilty – if he’d just told his boyfriend to pull over sooner.

He almost started rubbing the singer’s back before he realized that his hands were still dirty. So he opted for the first thing he could think of: his own t-shirt. First, he wiped his hands on it, and then he took it off to clean his pants as best as he could.

Jaylen straightened back up to find his shirtless boyfriend (a very appreciated view on any other day) wiping down his car seat with his t-shirt. The brunette had to laugh a little at that. Now that he was empty, the whole thing didn’t even bother him as much anymore.

Key looked up at him. “I am so sorry. I did not mean to throw up in your car.”

“Ah, it’s alright, I know you didn’t mean to.” Jaylen said reassuringly, knowing how his usually so stoic boyfriend could get worked up about things like these. “Are you feeling better at least?”

“I am not entirely sure.” Key answered truthfully as he got back in the car and closed his door. “I think so.”

Jaylen also pulled his door shut. “Okay, then let’s get back on the road. But do me a favor though – if you need to be sick again, please tell me sooner next time. Not that it matters much anymore but I think it’d be best for the both of us.”

“Yeah okay, I will try.” Key chuckled sheepishly, and Jaylen got back on the road.

The brunette singer looked over at his boyfriend. “Hey baby?”

“Mh?”

“I love you.”

Key smiled. “I love you too.”

#sorry for spamming hehe #em writes #key #jaylen #my ocs #emeto

30 notes · View notes

honeypirate · 4 years ago

Text

Kunikida Doppo x Fem!Reader

5495 words. I went hard for this guys.

I took Ango’s ability for the reader because I like it and so this is now an AU where the reader has the Discourse on Decadence ability and takes memories from objects touched.

I know they don’t all live together but they do in this fic haha at least Kunikida, Dazai, and you are roommates although you’re hardly ever there together. Half of the time Dazai doesn't even sleep there. You’re the only one that really frequents, if you didn't all share rent you would assume you lived there alone save for late night run ins in the kitchen and bathroom.

Warning: a couple swears.

Being in love with a man who was meticulous for following perfect schedules and plans was fine, you loved the structure and appreciated the consistency, but what really hurt, what really felt like your heart was ripped from your body with Akutagawa’s gift, was the fact that he had 58 conditions which he required for a spouse, and you only had 53 of them. You knew you failed his test, failed the expectations he had for a partner, and that someone as meticulous as him would never change his ways for someone who wasn’t above and beyond perfect when it came to those 58 ideals, but damn, you came so close, and that stung like a bitch.

You had asked him one day what they were, out of curiosity when it naturally came up from Dazai teasing him about it, he showed you it with pleasure, and you noted mentally the boxes you filled, your heart cracking into more pieces with every box you didnt fill. 5, 5 things about you that are failures. You couldn't help but hate the number.

You appeared at the door at 8am, right on the dot, the moment you were scheduled to be there and not a minute sooner or later. He really did like that about you, the fact that he never had to doubt you, he trusted that you always were where he scheduled you, you were the only one on the team that followed his orders to the T. “let’s go y/n we have to investigate a murder and your gift will really help” you nod with a smile “ready when you are”

“Why did you want to join the detective agency?” he asks, he wasn't a huge part of your entrance exam and missed the questioning part Dazai did. You sigh as you think, remembering the day you joined 7 months ago, clasping your hands behind your back as you walk, “at first it was because I wanted to rebel, my parents wanted me to hide my gift and act like their perfect child, I dropped out of college and decided to train my gift, ultimately leading me to you guys. After I learned about how other gifteds are using their powers to help people I realized that I was using my gift poorly. I felt an overwhelming need to protect others, to protect my city, if i have this gift and shirk the responsibility it comes with, then it is just as much my fault if innocents die when I could have been the one to help them”

He’s quiet for a while before he speaks again “that is admirable” is all he says before you get to your destination. If he was being honest, your answer was inspiring and he knows he would be writing it down in his notes later.

You do your investigating, using the memories from the objects on the scene to find the culprit easily, finishing the job quicker than he had planned leaving you with approximately 14 minutes to spare in the schedule. As he finishes writing down some notes you appear beside him “we have like 12-13 minutes left in your schedule so i got us some roasted bonito. I didn’t see you eat like you normally do so i figured..” you shrug and hand him the food you bought him. He takes it from your gloved hand silently, his gaze piercing and prudent, but his heart was racing, you were so kind and always looked out for him. He appreciated your care but didn’t know how to react to it. “Efficient because we can eat it on our way back. Finishing early is always nice, I love the free moments where my mind is able to relax and process things.” You say and He watches you take a bite and hum softly as you appreciate the flavor. He makes a mental note to schedule in an extra 2-3 minutes on missions he goes on with you just so he can give you a second to breathe if you need it.

You get back to the office with a few extra minutes to spare, you head to your desk to fill out paperwork and he watches you go, wondering why his heart seems to beat harder now that you left him. “Oooh does someone have a crush” Dazai says quietly as he teases Kunikida “I don’t know what you’re talking about. She is my coworker and besides,” “she lacks 5 of your spousal requirements yeah yeah. Maybe you're just a little too uptight with those 5, has anyone ever even gotten that close before?” Dazai looks at him with a smirk and Kunikida just walks off mumbling something about paperwork.

The rest of the day went by as all of the rest seemed to, slow and filled with paperwork and sometimes smaller missions, you didn't mind though, in the office you had a straight line to watch Kunikida, and on missions you were helping people. You didn’t mind slow days, it meant no one was dying.

You decided to break your routine, deciding to treat yourself to something special since your heart has been hurting for so long. You had a plan of getting something for dinner, doing a little indulgent spending, and then going home to drink a glass of wine and have a facemask and a movie night. You told Naomi of your plan since you two were close like sisters, not in her definition of a sibling though.

You had dinner at your favorite restaurant, eating in the booth with the window that showed the sunset, then went to your favorite stores, buying a new silk red pajama set with shorts that had white lace around the leg openings. You bought a new red pencil skirt for work and a necklace that would match it.

When you get home it’s so quiet you assume no one is there, you put your things away and shower before changing into your new pajamas, you had to admit, you looked delectable in them. You got a glass of wine and then took the bottle with you to your room to watch a movie. After about two glasses and half of the movie you felt a little tired so you decided to go to bed, you brought your glass and the wine back to the kitchen, wanting to put the bottle away in its cupboard and wash your cup. Although you only had two glasses you could feel your skin buzzing from the alcohol.

As you go to put the bottle away you get startled when a voice speaks in the dark “What are you doing up so late?” His deep voice makes you jump and drop the glass and the bottle onto the floor around your bare feet, wine and glass going everywhere. “Hang on” he says and walks over, gently and easily lifting you up to sit on the countertop behind you as he grabbed towels and a broom to clean up the mess “i’m sorry Kunikida, you scared me but I should have been more careful” you whisper, why does the darkness of night always make you feel like you should whisper? “I’m sorry for frightening you, you have nothing to apologize for” he finishes cleaning up the mess, throwing out the glass and paper towels before turning back to you. “You never answered my question” he says and you smile sweetly “just putting back the wine” you say innocently and a smile threatens to tug on his lips.

“Oh you got wine on you” he says and before he realizes his actions he’s kneeled down on one knee, holding your foot gently and cleaning away the wine that has sprayed up your leg. “Ouch” you say and pull your foot away “what hurts?” he asks and then turns your foot gently “you have a piece of glass in your foot” he says and then gently pulls it free “wait here I am going to go get the first aid kit” before you can object he’s gone, down the hall to the bathroom.

When he comes back you’re swinging your feet softly and humming along to a song stuck in your head, he pauses for a moment at the doorway, noting how long and beautiful your legs looked in your new pajamas, you made his mouth dry

He came back, kneeling down once again to hold your foot, cleaning it with some peroxide before applying some neosporin and a bandaid, his cheeks flushed as he uses all of his willpower not to run his hands up your legs and grip your thighs, pushing your legs apart as he stands between them, kissing your soft- he cuts those thoughts short, you didn't meet the requirements, you weren’t the one.

When he stood you followed what the alcohol in your veins was telling you, leaning into him you lay your head against the tall man's chest as you hugged him. “Thank you for always protecting me Kunikida” his hands find their way to your back, he can smell your shampoo and the natural scent of your skin, it's intoxicating to him.

He had two choices, push you as far away as he could and reprimand you even though he is just as at fault, or embrace you and throw his list out the window. Maybe Dazai was right and he was too stuck up with the list, he was sure about one thing, that you were the only one who almost filled the entire list, the other five being self indulgent he could cross them out and then you would be the one. He was so confused, his life was his book, he was his book, his ideals were everything. Good thing ideals can change and evolve with time.

You pull back and push him away softly before hopping down from the counter, your hands on his shoulders as you look up at him. He smiles down at you, a lovely smile that looked so genuine, filled with unspeakable loneliness in his eyes. You reach up and untie the crimson ribbon around his neck and stand on your tiptoes, kissing his cheek/chin and whispering a goodnight before walking off back to your bedroom. If he reprimanded you tomorrow you would blame the drinks and claim to be a lightweight.

The next morning you wear your new crimson red pencil skirt, a white blouse tucked in, and the ribbon you took from Kunikida, around your neck twice and tied in bow, like the perfect choker that puts the necklace you bought the day before to shame. You slip on your black heels and exit your room, heading down to the kitchen to have a coffee and some breakfast, you’re usually up and out the door before everyone else so that you can take the long way to work, through the park to see the spring blooming.

“You’re up early” his voice shocks you again, but this time you keep a hold on your coffee cup “I could say the same to you, I’m always up at this time. Coffee?” he nods with a small smile and you turn around to poor him some from the pot you made, he never knew who made coffee, he knew that it was made when he got up but assumed you just put it on a timer, not that you were already up at this hour since you came into work right on time when you were scheduled. He wonders what you do with your mornings.

You hand him a cup and he takes it with a smile “thank you y/n” he says and you nod “no problem” you go back to making your breakfast, pretending like last night’s incident isn’t fresh on your mind, until your toe kicks a piece of glass that was stuck under the lower cabinet. You crouch down, picking up the piece as Kinikida comes around “you’re not one to miss something Kunikida” you hold it up with a sly smile “If i didn’t know better, I’d say I really flustered you last night” (if i didn't know about your list is more like it) his heart was racing, you did fluster him, “nonsense” he says, taking the glass and disposing of it, pretending to not notice the necklace you had made from his ribbon around your neck, or the way that you looked practically kneeling in front of him.

You laugh as you stand, going back about your business, wrapping your breakfast up and throwing your bag over your shoulder before grabbing your travel coffee mug and sending him another, albeit fake this time, smile, “nonsense, I know I know, I don't even make the list. 58. I’ll see you at the office, Kunikida.” You bow slightly before leaving him in the kitchen, just as flustered as you had him last night, if you had pushed just a little more, he would have confessed, confessed that he has practically rewritten his list around you. Part of him wonders where you’re off to, you’re not scheduled for another hour and a half and he knows for a fact the walk takes ten minutes. He sighs, finishing his coffee, if he wanted to know he would just ask you later.

The day went by smoothly, you did your missions, did your paperwork, and went home. Sadly though, because of a fight during a mission, you lost the ribbon you took from Kunikida and in turn got a ring of budding bruises and burns because of the villain using it to try and strangle you. What was worse was that you weren’t able to even see Kunikida for the rest of the day.

You walked up the steps of the home slowly, making sure you didn’t wake anyone, if they were even here, it’s past 11 now, your last fight took a while and so did the paperwork. If you shower quickly you can give yourself at least 20 minutes of time to relax and process before going to sleep, already hating your morning alarm.

You head to your room, take off your clothing and hang them up, placing the hanger by the door so that you can drop it by the dry cleaners in the morning. Once inside the bathroom you start the shower to warm up, looking at yourself in the mirror you gently touch your neck, hissing at the pain and quickly retreating your fingers. Sighing, you run your fingers through your hair, blood dried and caked in a few places making your fingers get stuck on tangles, you grab your comb and take it into the shower with you, combing through gently after it’s been washed and conditioned.

You sigh again, grabbing the wine bottle, before you even reach for a glass you think better of it, uncorking it and drinking straight from the bottle. The sound of the bottom of the bottle scraping as you placed it down against the marble sounded loud in the quiet, dark room, but compared to the sound of the feet stomping down the stairs it was silent.

You take another drink then gasp as the light turns on in the kitchen, causing you to yet again drop what you were holding on to the floor, the bottle shattering around your feet and your head hanging, this isn't what you needed, something else to keep you from sleep. Before you can even think of bending down to clean up the mess, you are lifted to the counter again, the same as the previous night, but what made it different was the gentle fingers, turning your face up to look at him.

“We have to stop meeting like this” you say, trying to diffuse the tension, but by the way his lips turned down into a frown, made you break, you couldn’t get reprimanded right now, not by him, not by the one person you wish would comfort you. You tear your head from his grasp, looking back down at your lap as the tears gather in your eyes and your throat tightens in what feels like agony.

“Stay here” he says as he disappears, once he’s gone your face scrunches up, failing to hold back tears anymore you cover your face with your hands, muffling your cries and hiding your face even though the hot tears just slid down your palms and off your chin, hitting your thighs silently.

When he gets back he pauses, seeing you look so vulnerable, at your end, he’s never seen you like this and it absolutely kills him. he knows his damn list, knows what he has said before, but somehow, regardless of his words or actions, his heart has chosen for itself. He crosses the room in seconds, sets the first aid kit down beside you, and wraps his arms around you, pulling you to his chest.

your hands find their way around his back, grabbing fistfulls of the shirt he was wearing, your face buried in his chest as your tears soaked through the fabric. He held you tight, his hand smoothing down your hair as your sobs wracked through you. When you were done crying he held you longer, waiting for when you were ready, when you would pull away.

All he can think about as he holds you was how pissed off he was when Dazai told him you were attacked, how pissed off he was at the villian you fought. But so proud of you for your win, for your fighting skills, he was told you were almost killed, almost strangled to death with your necklace, the necklace that was made from his ribbon. It made him angry because he wasn't there to keep that from happening, he knew you were strong but he felt this pit in his stomach, that he was so close to losing you and you didn't even know that he cared so much for you. The way Dazai looked at him made him angrier, all he could do was change the subject and finish paperwork. He was worried about you. When he heard you in the shower he was grateful you were home, he resisted going to you when he heard you back in your room, told himself to go to sleep when he heard your footsteps go back down the steps. But when he didn’t hear you come back in a few minutes he couldn’t control himself, running down the steps as quick as he could, he couldn't help it, he needed to make sure you were okay.

When you pulled back from him you felt embarrassed, “Sorry Kuni-” he tilts your head up to look at him “you have nothing to be sorry about” he whispers, brushing your tears away and then leans down to kiss your forehead. You gasp in shock as he acts like this was a normal thing between you two, looking at him with wide, bloodshot eyes as he grabs the first aid kit. He takes out the Neosporin and then puts some on his fingers before gently rubbing some on your neck, you hiss and pull away from the pain “I’m sorry” he says and you shake your head before taking his other hand, holding it as you tilt your face away to expose your neck better in the light.

He frowns as he sees the extent of damage your neck took. “I’m sorry for taking your ribbon. Karma, i guess” you whisper through gritted teeth as he gently applies the cream to your neck, the broken bottle and spilled wine forgotten about for the time being. “Hush” he says and squeezes your hand, he moves to the other side of your neck and you roll your head to keep the correct side of the wound in the light. His touch feels nice on your neck, his gentle cool fingers against your angry red, wounded neck, you sigh softly, a sweet sound to his ears. He squeezes your hand again as he finishes his work and you drop it, turning your face to look at him.

“You can have any ribbon of mine you want” he says calmly as he grabs a hand towel from the counter and crouches down, wiping up the wine carefully. You look down at him with your eyebrows raised “Kunikida?” He looks up at you from your feet “what?” He responds and you chuckle softly, your stuffy nose changing the sound “why are you being so nice to me?” He looks back down to his cleaning so you don’t see his blushing cheeks, his heart beating wildly, “what do you mean? I’m a nice guy” he says and you laugh “you are. But you’re making me feel special, that’s usually not your M.O. I mean I’m not even that worthy by your standards.” You say and you feel your heart crack at finally saying the truth out loud.

He sighs, the weight in the room heavy as he finishes cleaning up the wine and glass, just throwing away the glass towel, making a mental note to buy a replacement tomorrow. He walks back over to where you are, still sitting on the counter, looking down at your toes and focusing on the cool tile under your palms and the way the heat in your neck throbs.

He places his palms against your knees, gently opening them to stand between them, you gasp as he places his fingers under your chin and tilts your face up to look at him. He looks fiercely serious and your eyes flick down to his lips for a second before meeting his eye again, blushing as he smirks at your actions.

“Y/n” he starts, his voice deep and as serious as he looks, you don’t know if he’s going to reprimand you or not. “Where do you go in the morning before work?” he asks and a chuckle bubbles out your throat “Kunikida, here I thought you were going to kiss me but instead you wanted to ask me about my morning ritual? Come with me in the morning and you can see” he nods, his cheeks pink “okay I will” he says and then picks you up easily into his arms “what are you doing? Oh god please don’t drop me” he chuckles as you cling to him and doesn’t say anything as he carries you upstairs to your bedroom, tucking you in and kissing your forehead, successfully confusing the hell out of you as you watch him leave your room “we’ll talk over breakfast. Get a good rest” he says as he closes your door behind him.

The next morning you’re up a little earlier than usual, excited to have Kunikida accompany you before work. You dress in a dark green pencil skirt with a cream blouse tucked in and black heels. You layer a couple long gold necklaces, making sure to avoid the still red and bruising marks, and put on some matching earrings, you style your hair up in a neat bun, leaving out a few whispies to frame your face. You put on a little makeup to accentuate your features before leaving your bedroom and taking along your clothes to drop off at the cleaners. When you get downstairs Kunikida is already there, pouring you a cup of coffee.

Your stomach flips when you see him, your breath hitching as you watch him pour the coffee into your travel mugs. You feel your face flush as he looks up to you in the doorway “goodmorning Y/n” he says, setting the pot down and walking over to you. He reaches out and gently takes your chin in his hand, tilting your head back to examine your neck. “Let’s put more medicine on this, it will probably take away some of the pain.”

“Should I sit on the counter again?” your voice was low and teasing, your hand coming up to rest on his chest. His heart beat is so loud in his ears he hopes you can’t feel it under your palm on his chest.

Your breath hitches as you gaze up at him, his eyes flicking to your lips as you stand close together in the kitchen. “Yes that might be wise” he says and places his hands on your hips as he leads you around to the island behind him, your butt bumps into the counter and he swiftly lifts you back to the countertop. You chuckle, steadying yourself by holding his shoulders.

“I’m starting to think you like me up here” you tease, smiling at him, the height of the counter making you almost eye to eye.

His cheeks dust a light shade of pink as he pushes up his glasses, “i’m just trying to take care of you since it was my ribbon that did this to you”

He gently grabs your chin again, looking into your eyes for a moment, the tension in the air thick as you smiled sweetly, his tongue wets his bottom lip and your eyes flick down to them, when you look back up at him his eyes are dark and you can tell he wants to kiss you, a soft chuckle escapes your lips and it seems to shake him out of it. He turns your head gently and grabs the neosporin.

“Thank you Kunikida. I’m sure i will heal quicker because of your care.” you whisper as he begins on the other side. “I surely hope so.” he states. Your hands are on your lap as you play with your fingers, waiting patiently for him to finish.

“Are you ready to see what I do in the morning?” you ask when he finishes his work, your eyes finding his again. He nods “yes, I am truly excited to go with you.” You place your hands on his shoulders and slip off the counter, pressing yourself against him you stand on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek “thank you. For the care and the coffee” You use your thumb to softly wipe the lip gloss from his cheek before slipping past him, grabbing your coffee and slipping your bag across your shoulder and grabbing last night's clothes.

You take a sip of your coffee and then smile at him “Ready?” you ask and he nods, your bright smile making his heart race as he picks up his coffee and bag and follows you out of the kitchen.

You walk the opposite direction from the office and he quirks his eyebrow at you but says nothing as he follows, his stomach in nervous excited knots. He takes a sip of his coffee, hoping the hot bean liquid would help him relax.

After you drop off your clothes you take him to the bread shop a few blocks away, getting a bagel for breakfast where he opted for a croissant. You showed him your favorite building, a small home that was ancient and still standing surrounded by the tall glass buildings and businesses. You stopped for a moment to talk to the lovely old lady who lived there, she was always tending her flower garden when you passed in the morning and you became good friends with her.

“Who is this? Your sweetheart?” she asks and you chuckle “This is Kunikida, we work together” you say with a small smile and she looks at you knowingly “Oh honey if i had a coworker who looked at me the way he looked at you,” she doesn't finish the sentence, she just sends you a pointed look causing your cheeks to flush as you chuckle, Kunikida just watches you with a smile, loving how cute you look when you blush.

The next stop was the park, since it is the spring the flowers are in bloom and it all looks pretty, you sit down at your usual bench that overlooks the majority of the area, the sun in the sky warming your shoulders as the shadows of the trees dance across your features, Kunikida sits by you, drinking in your presence as he watches you truly enjoy every moment you are in.

“You said we would talk today. Is now a good time or maybe later during lunch? That is if we don’t get last minute missions” you finish your coffee and place your cup in your bag. He sighs, looking out across the park and he pushes up his glasses “You have perplexed me.” he says you laugh, a little confused. You turn to him and watch him, waiting for him to continue.

“I am my ideal. Ideals that mean everything. I have my protocol and I stick to it no matter what. Everything is planned, work is structured. It is how I thrive. I have these ideals and requirements. But then you joined the group and slowly you have captured my heart.” he turns his head to look into your eyes now, they are full of raw emotion that leaves you speechless.

“Kuni-” he takes your hand and it silences you “My list” he says and reaches up to wrap your whispies around his finger “all it has on it now is you”

Your heart stops and your breath catches as he confesses his feelings, this man who is all ideals and protocol, who you have been in love with since you started working with, who you never thought you would have a chance with, is holding your hand and telling you that his only requirement for a partner, is that it is you.

“What about your list of 58? This is very unlike you Kunikida” you whisper, your heart going positively wild at his confession, you never thought he would be the one to change part of his ideal. It was completely out of character. “You are hundreds, thousands of things that make my life sweeter. Who needs 58 when you give me all” your breath catches and he leans down, pressing his forehead into yours.

“Please tell me you feel this too” you chuckle, your hand coming to rest on his cheek “I feel this too. Kunikida I-” he captures your lips with his, a kiss that has been built up with tension over the past few days, you sigh and reach up, your hand ghosting over his cheek and neck before landing on his pony, wrapping the strands around your fingers. His free hand is cupping your cheek gently, his fingers brushing against your skin as his tongue brushes against your bottom lip, you sigh as you touch your tongue to his, the feeling of electricity coursing through your veins.

Your phone beeps and you groan, pulling back from him as you look down at it, reading the message that has come through, his hand was still playing with your hair.“What is it?” you sigh and look up at him, forgetting about how close your faces were until your noses brushed “Dazai says to come in as soon as possible so we should go now-” he pecks your lips softly and stands, pulling you up with him

“Always more work to do” he says and you smile, he was right as per usual. He holds out his hand and you take it with a smile, lacing your fingers together as you continue your walk. “Are we going to tell the others?” You ask, really unsure yourself about what was best “yes. There will be paperwork to do but I’ve had it on my desk for a while now” you chuckle “you have?!” He nods “ Dazai gave them to me. He knew how I felt before I did” you laugh “Dazai always knows. He caught me looking at you once and I had to promise him if you didn’t feel the same that I had to help him with his suicide mission, just so he wouldn’t tell you my feelings first” you both make mental notes to talk to Dazai. You stop outside the doors and pull him down into another soft kiss, when you pull back you smile up at him and he chuckles “be safe today” he says as he looks over your neck again and you nod “yes sir” you say and chuckle at the emotion that flashes in his eyes you lean forward “i wish we had to time to explore that. Too bad we have to work” you kiss his neck and then pull back, opening the door and walking into the building chuckling. Daizai watching with a knowing smirk from the window above.

#bungou stray dogs kunikida #kunikida doppo #kunikida fluff #kunikida imagines #kunikida x reader #kunikida x you #kunikida x y/n #bsd kunikida #kunikida doppo x reader #kunikida doppo x you

64 notes · View notes

sunsinrinn · 4 years ago

Text

Secrets Part 4.

Bakugo x reader, Bakugo x Uraraka, Kirishima x Reader

Fluff, language, very little angst

Word Count: 1,266

Idea: Y/n has a secret to share with bakugo not expecting a secret from him. She leaves heart broken and attempts to move on. But how will she move on if her secret can no longer be hidden? She fakes a relationship hoping its enough to not expose the true origin of the secret. (This is a terrible summary but I cant say much without spoiling future parts. 🙃)

(Y/n is roughly about 4 months pregnant going on 5 months )

“Mina- Y/n is not huge-“

Mina ignores kirishima and looks at you, she grabs your belly, “Oh my god you and bakugo finally got pregnant!”

You stiffen when you hear that and out of the corner of your eye you see kirishima does too.

“Actually mina... Me and bakugo are not together anymore...”

“WHAT?! WHY?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER?!”

“Mina dont be so loud... Let’s talk about this at that cafe over there”

Mina looks over to where you are pointing and nods, “Fine” she grabs your arm and practically drags you there so you can hurry and tell her the tea. Kirishima rushes after you not wanting you to be alone.

As you sit down Mina speaks up again, “Alright tell me already!”

You look at her and sigh, “We are not together anymore because he cheated on me...”

She looks at you in disbelief, “Why the hell would he do that bullshit? And with who??”

“Ochaco” She widens her eyes. “NO FUCKING WAY- YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT BITCH HAS BEEN ACTING INNOCENT EVERY TIME I SEE HER?”

Kirishima looks around and apologizes your the pink haired girl’s outburst.

You hush mina and she glares at you but lowers her voice, “Okay so he cheated on you but why are you pregnant?” She gasps and speaks again, “Don’t fucking tell me he left you alone pregnant? I will kill that son of a bitch”

“NO-no Mina the child isn’t his.”

She looks at you confused, “Then who’s is it?” She looks over at kirishima who suddenly becomes interested on that slightly off colored tile on the floor. “ITS KIRISHIMA’S?” You shush her again so she says it lower, “its kirishima’s??!”

You and him nod at the same time. You feel a bit guilty lying about the real identity of the baby daddy but its better if no one knew. “Well at least you now have someone who cares and will stay loyal no matter what pussy ass skank bitch throws herself at him.” You sense the shade thrown at Ochaco but stay quiet.

You look at kirishima and see he’s looking at you smiling. You smile back and look back over to mina who is deep in thought. After a moment of silence she speaks up, “When will the others know about you’re baby?”

“We actually don’t know how we will tell the others...”

She gives you a sly smile and responds, “I know the perfect way”

You are filled with dread knowing she likes to go overboard, you look at kirishima and you see the same reaction. “What are you thinking of?”

“A BABY SHOWER!”

Your face brightens up, “Oh that’s a great idea! Right Kiri?”

He looks at your face and nods, “Yeah mina that is a great idea”

“Then its settled. I will plan it all out!”

“Are you sure Mina? I can help? I am literally home all day now.”

“No, no, I can do this myself. Are you home now because of the pregnancy?”

You nodd, “Yeah I’m not gonna do any hero work until after the baby is born”

“Well okay, you can help with some stuff..”

“Thank you!”

“Wait- does the public know you’re on a leave? Or that your no longer with Bakugo?”

You shake your head, “They don’t which is a good thing because then no one will really know I am pregnant.”

Kirishima reaches for your hand and says, “We should go continue shopping before it gets late baby”

You blush at his name he gave you but nod, “Its been great catching up with you Mina! I’ll talk to you soon about the baby shower!”

Mina waves and shouts as you leave, “Congratulations again on your baby, y/n! I’ll see you soon!”

You walk with Kirishima back to the stores and end up buying a couple of things for yourself to wear and for the baby. Kirishima almost bought everything they sold in the baby section but you stopped him from going overboard. “Kiri, this baby will be spoiled rotten if you continue to buy so many things for them!” You laugh at his small blush and hear him say, “I just want the little angel to know just how much I love them!” You nod, “I understand, darling but lets tone it down a bit, how will we carry all of this home?” He looks at the pie of bags you both have got and sheepishly smiles, “You’re right lets go home now”

You give him a small kiss on the cheek and head home.

After putting away all the things you guys bought Kirishima puts on the news as background noise while you both start dinner.

After finishing dinner, You begin to serve but stop when you hear your name on the news,

“Now for todays news, Pro Hero (hero name) is no longer doing hero work until the foreseeable future. We have gathered intel and found out that they are leaving hero work for now because they are pregnant!” You scoff and laugh because damn. They’re late to figure that out.

“An anonymous tip says she cheated on Pro Hero Ground Zero with his best friend Red Riot.They are seen multiple times together holding hands out in public. Ground Zero has refused to comment and we have yet to hear confirmation from (hero name)

Or Red Riot”

With that you become angry because first of all how dare they assume your a cheater. If anyone is the cheater its Bakugo. Kirishima walks to you when he hears the news and wraps his arms around you. “Don’t fucking listen to them, babe. Tomorrow, you and I will give out an official statement together.” He pulls away and looks at you before giving you a soft kiss. “Come on lets eat, babe.” You nod and finish serving dinner.

Midway through dinner you hear frantic knocking on the door. Before you get up Kirishima gets up and rushes to open the door to find Izuku looking at you both with wide eyes and Shoto behind him. “Is it true?!” Izuku walks in followed by Shoto.

“Nice to see you too Izuku” Kirishima says sarcastically.

Izuku glares at him but asks you again, “Y/N! Is it true you’re pregnant?”

“Izuku for being my neighbor and seeing me everyday you sure are blinder than a fucking bat”

He blushes but continues, “I didn’t know! I am shocked you didn’t tell me! You’re best friend!”

Kirishima who fakes being hurt from Izuku’s words, “I thought I was her best friend!”

“No, you’re the boyfriend” both you and Izuku say

Kirishima acts hurt, “oH wow- Shoto help me out here- wait why are you here?”

Shoto and Izuku blush at the same time.

“Kiri, baby, isn’t it obvious? They’re boning each other”

At your words both boys turn even redder and begin stuttering before finally izuku manages to get out a proper answer, “We did not come here to talk about me and shoto boning-“

You and kirishima burst out laughing as Shoto and Izuku look embarrassed even more.

“Okay okay lets stop being mean kiri baby” he stops but continues to smirk at the couple in front.

“Izuku will it make you feel better and forgive us for not telling you we are expecting, if I say I want you and Shoto to be the god parents?”

“Hell yeah, shoto you hear that? We are future god parents!” Shoto smiles and nods at Izuku as you shake you’re head.

Shoto speaks up after a while,

“So Kirishima, how does it feel to be a dad?”

SERIES MASTERLIST — Part 5

A/N- Another chapter! Yay! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter <3 If you’d like to be tagged in future parts or future works dont hesitate to dm, ask, or comment! I hope you guys had a lovely day today! Also if you asked to be tagged and I didnt tag you send me a dm so I can fix it :)

Secrets taglist: @hero-ink-pillar , @silentw-lkr , @ushiwakatrash , @purple-rabanito

#bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x uraraka #kirishima eijiro x reader #kirishima x reader #ejirou x reader #kirishima eijirou #bnha x reader #bnha #mha x reader #mha #shoto x izuku

178 notes · View notes

buckybarnesalways · 4 years ago

Text

Title: could we both stop keeping score

Warnings: mentions of suicide attempt,relapse, and slight past homophobia

Title is from would you come home by Tyler Blackburn

Part 4 of my Tarlos series

The next morning Carlos woke up and for a moment he forgot that TK wasn't there with him. Groaning to himself he hauled himself out of bed and stumbled his way to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror he sighed, he was a mess. If he looked and felt this horrible he could just imagine how TK must be feeling. He hated himself for being away from his boyfriend but every time he thought of TK his heart was overcome with inescapable fear. Frustrated, he stormed back into his bedroom just as his phone pinged with a new message. Sitting down on the bed, he picked up his phone.

"Hi babe!" The message read.

Smiling to himself, Carlos typed his response, "Hi yourself, beautiful."

His finger hovered over the send button. Was this really going to be the way he greeted his boyfriend after he had, by all accounts, been dead? Tossing his phone next to him on the bed, the message unsent, he scrubbed a hand down his face wishing that he could just make his worries disappear.

TKs heart shattered when no reply came through. I've really done it this time he thought to himself? The love of my life can't even stand to speak to me. Why did he have to be found? It would have saved everyone the pain of having to deal with him.

Having been unhooked from all the machines late the night before, he climbed out of his bed and walked over to the window. He laid his head against the cool glass and began to cry. He wanted so badly to run to Carlos, throw his arms around him and never let go. Unfortunately though after an attempt like he had made, they kept you in the hospital for a few days to make sure you were stable enough to go home and not try again. The door to his room opened and his heart soared and then crashed just as quickly when he saw it was only his doctor.

"Hey there TK." Dr. Jones said in an overly cheerful voice.

"Hi there, doc." TK answered, wiping his eyes as he shuffled over to the bed and sat down.

"How are you feeling this morning?" his doctor asked.

That was a loaded question, he wanted to say he was feeling great but that would be a lie so he answered as truthfully as he could.

"I feel like I've ruined the best thing I've ever had in my entire life and it's like the one person who I need the most is never going to be able to forgive me or himself."

"Who are we talking about?" Dr Jones questioned.

TK glanced around nervously. He always hated questions like these, he never knew how people would react when he told them he was gay.

"Ummm..." he began "my boyfriend, Carlos."

He refused to look up at the doctor, terrified that this doctor would be like so many others and try to blame his problems on the fact he was homosexual.

"Carlos... Is that the nice young man that sat with you while we waited for you to wake up?" the doctor replied.

TK looked up finally and smiled shyly to himself.

"Was he devastatingly handsome, the sweetest soul you ever could meet and……. Absolutely in love with you?" dr jones interrupted.

TK blushed.

"Yeah that sounds like my guy." he answered.

"Why do you think you've ruined things with him?"

TK sighed, "He blames himself for what I did, we had an argument and I ran out. In his mind though, if we never would have fought then I never would have tried to hurt myself..."

"I see..." the doctor replied, "And was he the reason?"

"No!" TK said quickly, "Well i mean…. I don't blame him for it. I blame my ex."

He groaned inwardly and he ruined things again...

Before either man could speak again, a nurse entered, informing TK that he had a visitor. TK’s heart pounded as he waited for whoever it was that had come to see him. He never expected to see Alex walk through his door.

"Seriously" TK sighed, "Haven't you done enough?"

"TK," Alex began, "I went by the firehouse and I heard what happened and -"

TK cut him off, "And what? You wanted to come here and rub it in my face that even after all this time you can still cause me so much pain?

No, that's not it at all, TK!" Alex answered, "i wanted to come and apologize..."

TK looked at Alex incredulously. "You're joking right?"

"I never should have come back here looking for you." The other man spoke. "We were not good for each other. I guess I just wanted to feel loved again after what happened with Mitchell..." Alex replied. "I guess I hoped that you would still feel something because i hated myself for throwing away something that was real for something that i wished was there. I’m so sorry TK, for everything. For coming back here, for hurting you, for cheating on you, all of it. I know you'll probably never believe me but it's the truth and to make it up to you. I'm going back to New York tonight and i'll never bother you again."

Tk looked away biting his lip.

"It wasn't all you, Alex. I knew things were bad, i just didnt wanna accept it. I should have let you go way before that night. I know that now..."

"TK, I really do wish nothing but the best for you and i hope that i didn't ruin that chance for you. " Alex said sincerely.

"I think that was all me, Alex. I just pray that Carlos can forgive me. I don't know what i'll do if he doesn't..."

"Carlos? Is that your boyfriend?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, he's the love of my life... I didn't know what love was until i met him, no offence." he said.

"None taken." Alex replied, "Look I'm gonna get out of here and leave you alone."

He stepped forward extending his hand, "Goodbye, TK."

He hesitated for a moment before shaking Alex's hand goodbye. Letting his hand fall back to his side he watched his ex walk out the door. Sitting back down, he resigned himself to doing whatever it took to get out of the hospital and back home. Even though he wasn't completely sure where that was anymore.

Three days. That's how long they kept him but it was finally the day they were going to release him. He still hadn't heard from Carlos so his dad was picking him up. He walked out to the waiting area and smiled when he saw Judd waiting there.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he walked up.

"Hey brother!" Judd said, reaching out and taking his bag from him, "Your dad is talking with the docs. Soon as he's done we can get out of here."

"That doesn't answer my question, Judd." TK smiled.

"I asked to tag along today, wanted to see you walk out of here myself."

Owen walked up and gave his son a hug.

"All set? Let's head home."

The three of them walked out the hospital doors, TK opened his mouth to ask his dad if he had talked to Carlos but before he could Owen turned to him.

"I called him, TK, and told him you were coming home today. I'm sorry i couldn't bring him here for you."

"It’s ok, Dad, I told him he could take as much time as needed. He’ll talk to me when he's ready." TK answered back.

At that moment there was a shaky voice from behind them.

"Hey..." the voice spoke.

TK's eyes grew wide as he spun around, coming face to face with Carlos. He looked smaller than TK had ever seen him, almost as if he was trying to shrink into himself, his gaze focused on his feet, refusing to look at TK.

"Hey back." TK said.

Carlos dared a glance up and it almost broke TK. Those eyes that were always so full of strength were filled with tears and fear.

"Ummm I'm really sorry I'm late, Ty..." Carlos said to him.

TK knew he wasn't just referring to today.

"We’ll give you two some time." Owen told his son walking away with judd.

Both men stood there looking at each other, neither one of them saying a word.

TK was the first to break the silence, "I'm so glad to see you, I've missed you."

Carlos’ eyes filled with sadness.

"I should have been here sooner, I know but I needed to say my peace to you and I wanted you to be able to scream at me and hate me without hindering your recovery."

TK swallowed hard before he spoke, "Why would I need to scream at you."

"I've made my decision, Tyler..." Carlos whispered.

"Oh.", was the only word TK could manage to say, "I see...

#tarlos #911 lone star #ronen rubinstein #rafael silva #tarlos fic

38 notes · View notes

janekfan · 4 years ago

Note

ive been Searching and Craving for any scenario/canon divergent au where jon and tim make up because jon shows tim thats hes just as much a victim as anyone else and tim is just like... ah. so we're both assholes. and jon insists that tim didnt do anything wrong (and obviously its all very whumpy and hurt/comforty). basically just... tim and jon making up because tim wants to after jon tugs at his heartstrings enough (because im a sucker for the whole "whatve i done" bit)

Here we go!! Sorry these are taking so long but I’m still working on prompts!!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26972698/chapters/67878991#workskin

Too Much Chapter 2!

Watching Martin remove the evidence of panic by carefully, slowly, swiping a damp flannel over Jon’s skin, Tim continued holding the cold pack in place. The man between them made a sound, nondescript, shifting enough that his lips parted with a soft sigh as he settled.

“He’s made a right mess of these.” Martin lamented, gingerly lifting one hand to examine the heavy bandages, soiled with fresh blood and coming undone. Not altogether certain he wanted to know what was hidden away beneath, Tim stayed silent. “Would you mind fetching the first aid kit while I get rid of these?” He used the time away to take a deep breath, attempting to gather his rampant thoughts now that he was roped into fixing up their boss. There was always the possibility of giving him the kit and hightailing it out of that place and never setting foot near document storage again but before he realized what he’d done he’d accumulated other supplies he figured they might need and the relief in Martin’s eyes when he slipped back into the room was palpable. Jon’s hands were bare, blisters laid over blisters, broken and bleeding sluggishly from torn welts, one palm layered over with a nasty burn. Tim couldn’t help the noise torn from his throat in sympathy as the walls he’d built around himself began to crumble under the weight of Jon’s wounds--and he wasn’t even the one to bear them! Jon had acquired more scars, more shadows in the gaunt hollows carved into his body by his bones since Prentiss. It was like laying eyes on a stranger, or opening his own and finally seeing what his negligent ignorance had truly cost.

Were these marks, this pain, not proof that Jon had every right to be scared? Paranoid? To suspect them? When it was his own “friends” raising hands violently against him?

“What. Martin, what happened?” He accepted the water, easing Jon’s arm over the edge of the bed and doing Tim the kindness of not reminding him that he’d never cared to know before.

“I couldn’t tell you what caused most of this, but you know. Daisy.” He swallowed, eyes narrowing as he dabbed away the worst of the scarlet slicking his skin and Tim saw red at the reminder. How dare she touch him. “Hush now, you’re alright.” Jon’s arm twitched, an aborted attempt to tug his hand away from Martin’s surely painful ministrations. “Just cleaning these up.”

“Hnn…” Saltwater-soaked lashes fluttered and damn his body’s reactions but Tim was at his side on the cot before he could blink and wholly unsure of what to do now that he was there, settling on running fingers through tangled curls, teasing out the knots as Martin worked. Clouded and slightly crossed, Jon’s glazed brown eyes peered up at him, through him, blinking slow, and Tim could feel the heat of his fever under his palms.

“Hey, bud.” Surprising himself with his own softness, Tim continued combing through his hair. “Close your eyes, boss. Marto’s fixing you right up.”

“Hur’s.” Badly slurred and tinged with vulnerability he wasn’t used to anymore, Jon’s voice sent a chill racing up Tim’s spine.

“I know.” He said anyway. “It won’t soon.” Trust and exhaustion won out, dragging bruised lids closed. “Martin.” Tim didn’t look up, tracing silver strands, so many, with the fingertips. “I would like to know. Please.”

Martin hummed, finished up the first hand, the worst hand, and cradled it over Jon’s stomach in a poor attempt at elevation before starting on the next one.

“I haven’t gotten much out of Jon--not because he won’t tell me!” He amended, remembering the promise Jon had made to be honest with them and clearly worried it would make Tim angry again if he thought he was keeping secrets. “He’s just. I mean.”

“I understand.” After leaving Elias’ office, whatever tenacity and fortitude Jon managed to scrape together after his ordeal with Daisy and Basira had faded quickly. Even Tim wasn’t able to ignore how bad off he was, more along the lines of being unable to explain than lacking any desire.

“I know she, she hit him. He’s bruised all over. Clocked him with her gun I assume, to leave him concussed--I still can’t believe I didn’t notice sooner.”

“It’s alright. We’ve all been. Preoccupied.” Some of them only with themselves.

“He was filthy, covered in dirt and I think bl’blood? Not his. Or, not all of it I think.” Martin rubbed his own neck thoughtfully, tracing a path that mirrored the red grin carving up Jon’s throat. “I think.” He looked into Tim’s eyes, haunted. “I, I overheard them saying he’d been made to d’dig a grave.”

“His grave.” There was no real proof, not yet. But it felt right. And Tim felt sick. “His hands.”

“The burn is bad, I don’t know how he got it.” A crease formed between Martin’s knit brows. “I. Tim.” He sighed. “You’ve been so furious with him.” He dragged both hands down his face. “Jon’s doing his best. Please, you have to believe that.”

“I think I’m beginning to.” He’d yet to stop his detangling. Jon liked when people he trusted played with his hair, especially when he wasn’t feeling well. Unbidden and effervescent, memories rose to the surface of Tim’s mind, each a different moment, beads of time strung on delicate silk strands. Sasha. Sasha, whose true face, true voice, had been written over and worn, her hands on Jon’s shoulders, working out the tension he carried there despite his complaints. Tim himself draping a cardigan over him where he slumped forward on his desk in Research when he succumbed to sleep. A rare moment at someone’s apartment, Jon three drinks in, flushed bright red and ridiculous, throwing himself into Tim’s lap and nuzzling his stomach until he got what he wanted; hands in his hair, on his back, honest to god cuddles. The embarrassment in the morning would paint him vivid with blush and he would accept the painkillers and tea with a shy grin.

That Jon was still in there.

Right?

For the first time in his career Tim chose to come into work early, heading immediately to doc storage to find Jon curled up against Martin, ruddy face squished against his chest and arm slung over his waist as though he’d recently been clinging there.

And if this had been another time, another universe, he would have teased them both, but the shadows under their eyes were beginning to match.

“We had a hard night.” Martin yawned hugely and Tim caught a quick glimpse of glassy brown at the movement but Jon passed out again in the next second. “Nightmares. You remember Crew?” Tim nodded. “Explains the vertigo. He’s going to want to work.” Martin’s palm found its way to the back of Jon’s head, tucked him under his chin as he exhaled, slow and measured.

“And you want him to rest.”

“He won’t.”

He didn’t.

But the dizziness kept him in his office for the most part and Tim helped keep an eye on him, checking up regularly, awkwardly. It was almost like old times. Except Jon was careful not to speak. Not now that he might force answers out of someone. Not now that he might be hurt because of it. Jon was smart. He tried to remember the things he learned because he only seemed to learn the hard way and right now he was trying to figure out Tim while Tim was trying to figure out himself, wary of the change towards him, confused when instead of lashing out, he asked if he needed anything.

“N’no, thank you, Tim.”

“It’s no trouble.” But it was physically painful to watch the gears turn as Jon balanced the possibility of pissing him off with how uncomfortable he was in this situation. “I’ll check back later, yeah?”

“Uh. Y’yeah. Yes. I mean, yes.” Nervously, he shifted between folders. “Of c’course.”

The day dragged and Jon’s fever and groggy exhaustion lingered, kept barely in check by Martin plying him with the painkillers and fever reducers because he refused A&E. It was frustrating, even if he was looking somewhat improved. When they caught him asleep it was often in the throes of a taxing nightmare. He was a shadow in his attempts to avoid them all, to focus on work, and now that Tim was paying attention he didn’t like how Basira was so cold, how Daisy made Jon flinch on purpose, how Melanie went out of her way to collide with him in the narrow hallways. How he was slight enough, unsteady enough that it sent him into the wall.

How he did nothing about it except murmur apologies and move past them as quick as he could.

Jon was back to pushing himself too hard, not bothering to ask for help because he’d never gotten any before so it wasn’t worth bothering with it now. He was alone. Deserted by everyone except for Martin--and oh the way his expression lit up at the sight of him. How soft his voice became when he thanked him for the tea. Tim knew Martin couldn’t see it yet, or wouldn’t let himself realize, but Jon was taken with him. Smitten. And already believed beyond a doubt that he had no worth. As prickly as Jon could be there was so much love in him just vying for a way out.

How could Tim have forgotten that?

Tim paced the length of the archives three times before heading back to check on Jon, alarmed when the office was empty. Worry, both familiar and unfamiliar, twined its way around his heart. He'd watched as the afternoon hours slipped by and Jon became worse and Tim didn’t bother asking anyone he came across; they didn’t care, he wasn’t supposed to care. But there weren’t many places Jon would go and Tim found him in the breakroom stabilizing himself on the sink. He didn’t react, didn’t turn, didn’t seem to know anyone was behind him, and Tim could make out shivery, deliberate breaths. Jon let go, lifting a hand dazedly to his forehead and staggering backwards such that Tim had to steady him.

“Whoa there, Boss.” Softly, quietly, Tim knew his head was still pounding more often than not no matter how adamant his denial. It didn’t stop Jon from flinching like he’d been struck or attempting to whirl around and only making it all that much worse as eyes filled with fear rolled back into his head and Tim had to catch him outright, lowering him to the floor and pillowing his shoulders in his lap. Unconsciously, he laid a palm over his overwarm forehead, dragging fingers back through damp strands rhythmically and wondering how he’d react to waking up with Tim staring down at him. They were dancing around each other, or at least Tim was. Jon couldn’t do much more than sit at his desk in what amounted to pyjamas and pretend to work in an attempt to wedge some normalcy back into his life.

“What happened?” At least now Martin’s inquiry wasn’t accusatory as he knelt beside them and checked over Jon himself. “How long?”

“Minute. Maybe two? He, uh. I surprised him and when he turned…” he trailed off, gesturing with a sigh.

“Ma’tin…” nothing more than a small breath of awareness in recognition of his voice, eyes still closed.

“You should be at your desk.” Lightly scolding.

“Nn...was col’...tea…” Tim met Martin’s eyes with worry at the barely coherent jumble of syllables caught on his sluggish tongue and he held up a hand, signaling him to wait.

“What’re we going to do with you, hm?”

“...Dunno…” He’d failed to understand the gentle ribbing for what it was, instead answering honestly, tearfully, and it tugged on Tim’s heartstrings. Martin chuckled kindly to ease the sting, moving forward to lift his weight off from Tim and standing still to let Jon wind a hand loosely into his jumper, hanging on for dear life with a gasp.

“You sound tired.”

“Mmyeah...tire’...” And that discordant admission alone was enough to cause alarm, doubly so when his body lost all rigidity in Martin’s hold.

“Martin--”

“Shh, Tim. He’s alright.” Protectiveness urged Tim to follow them back to document storage. Concern made him sit down before Martin asked. “Stay with him? I don’t want him to forget and wander off again. I’m gonna get that tea and something for the fever.” Tim supported his chin with a hand, elbow digging sharply into the top of his knee, and watched Jon sleep. With his eyes, he traced invisible constellations over the worm scars dotting his skin and connected their lines to the ink dark splash of lashes twitching as he dreamed. “What’re you thinking about?”

“How much running I’ve been doing.”

“Mm.”

“How much easier it was to ignore all this if I just hated Jon instead. Blamed him for it.” He lifted his fingers in a bitter and general indication of their unreasonably bad situation. “He’s made mistakes. We all have. And his are the only ones I’m not willing to forgive.” Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes, stung. “Why is that?” His skin blushed with heat when his voice broke on a sob and before Martin could speak they were interrupted.

“Head’spounding…” He could barely keep his eyes open.

“Ah, I’m sorry, love, I know, here,” he was like a rag doll when Martin lifted him. “This’ll help.” Tim watched the ease with which Martin navigated Jon. All sweet and kind, steadying his hands when they proved too shaky to hold the cup, testing his temperature with the inside of his wrist when Jon was distracted with swallowing down the medicine.

“Shouldn’t do this.” Whispered, lost and undone, as Martin tucked him in, gripping back tightly when Jon grew dizzy with the change. “M’sorry.”

“You say that too often, Boss.”

“Hush, both of you.” To Jon, “we can all talk later, when you’re feeling better. It’s okay to need help. It’s okay to rest.” And while he didn’t look convinced, he was helpless against the drag of that heavy, insistent tide of exhaustion.

“Never liked to owe people, our Jon.” Martin sighed, frustrated.

“It’s not a transaction. I wish he’d trust that I only want to help.” Tim snickered ruefully as Martin tucked stray salt and pepper strands behind Jon’s ears.

“He’s always been suspicious of decency.”

“That’s not right.” There was a lot wrong with it, and far too much to solve at this moment.

“You look knackered, Martin. Go home.” He needed caring for after keeping them all together like he’d done. “I’ve got it from here.”

“I don’t want to ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking, Marto.”

“Tim--”

“I need to. I. I need to do this.”

Tim was worried that the only reason Martin left him here alone was because he was too tired to spend another night here keeping an eye on the both of them. He only had himself to blame when it came to the loss of trust.

It was no secret his dislike of Jon.

He hadn’t forgotten his treatment of him just the other day. Yanking him up off the ground and shouting at him, blaming him for his confusion and unsteadiness, for worrying Martin while he’d been the one ill and frightened and unmoored on the dusty floor. A mournful cry jolted him out of his musings, and the nightmare didn’t sound kind, wrenching Jon awake and leaving him panting, narrow chest heaving, eyes wide and unfocused in the dim.

“Hey.” Soft and quiet, it didn’t stop Jon from jumping in surprise, nearly swooning when he jerked his head in the direction of his voice. “Back with me?”

“Tim.” Real surprise, he blinked hard, trying to clear his bleary vision. “Yeah. S’sorry.” Jon offered him a sheepish quirk of his lips.

“I’m the one who needs to apologize, Jon.” He swallowed thickly and Tim could hear the click in his throat, somewhere behind the bandage hiding that yawning red grin from sight.

“Wh’what?”

“I’ve treated you unfairly.”

“No, no, Tim. You. You had every right! I was out of line and suspected the worst with no proof and didn’t trust yo--” Jon was trying to get up, ignoring how it had to hurt, and when Tim made to stop him, he flinched in real fear and backed himself into the corner. “S’sorry. I. It’s, it isn’t you, I swear.” Guilt wrapped around Tim’s heart like a thorny vine at his stammering apologies, at the way Jon laughed at himself and scrubbed his face with the back of a bandaged hand, staring up at the ceiling as new tears pooled in his eyes. “A lot’s h’happened.” When he closed them, the damp rolled down his cheeks into the grey at his temple. “I,I,I know you don’t w’want to hear it. But I, I don’t have anything else left t’to offer and I’m so s’sorry.” Jon tucked up his knees and buried his tear-stained face in the blankets he pulled around himself. Scared and small and awaiting derision. Tim edged closer.

"Jon.” He reached out to touch and thought better of it. “I think. I think I'm ready to hear it now." Consumed by constant fear and torment, run ragged for months and months, when Jon risked glancing up at him Tim could finally look past his anger and see him. Flushed with fever, thin and drawn, bruised and beaten and burned.

But still Jon.

Still Jon, terrified of the kind of help he'd been taught by experience not to ask for. Not to accept. Not to trust. Not to need.

“No, n’no, Tim. It’s.” He sniffed, tried to offer Tim a watery smile. “M’not feeling w’well, heh. You know how I, how I am.”

“I know you don’t take care of yourself.” He continued before Jon could interrupt. “I know I’ve left you to deal with this alone.” Indeed, at the very first sign of trouble, Tim abandoned him to his own devices. “I understand why it’s been difficult to trust me.”

“Not just you.” Tim had to strain to hear him, voice tiny, wavering with misery. “It’s so hard to trust, I have to, to think about it, choose it, don’t I. Talk myself out of how a’afraid I am all the t’time. I can’t even trust myself, my words. I. They. It’s easier to not speak at all, if it can be helped. And I try. But. Tim.” Fraught, brown irises nearly swallowed by black pupil bored into him, begged him to listen, to see. “I’m a monster.”

“Jon--” He tugged at messy curls, ignoring the pain it had to cause, the spots of blood, and if Jon would let him, he would need to fix the wrappings after this. He’d folded into himself even tighter, rocking himself just slightly in an attempt at comfort.

“If everyone is saying it, it must be true. But I’m trying. I promise, Tim, I promise. I was hoping it counted for something, anything. I can’t. I.” He broke off, attempting to pull himself together, face contorted and when he noticed Tim’s stricken expression, stumbled on with half-thought out reassurances. “I, I won’t stop! T’trying, that is. I, I, I want to, to be better. I don’t want to hurt anyone. It’s not about counting, it’s about doing the right thing. Or something close to--it never seems to work out, I’m not. I keep doing the wrong things so I know--but I p’promise--and besides, D’Daisy’s watching, if you’re worried, heh.” He laughed, a little broken thing, tears glittering in his eyes. “She’ll put me d’down. If that makes you feel any better.”

And god how could he think Tim wanted that? Jon, living with the knowledge that any mistakes he made could lead to--

Hanging over his head. Just awaiting collapse.

“That’s. Jon, I don’t want her to do that.”

“Oh. Did.” Tim realized the pause was an attempt at managing his powers of compulsion. “Did you want to? Instead I mean?” Tim recoiled in horror at the genuine curiosity, the dull acceptance that they all might be waiting for their chance. Numbness flooded his fingers. And even though Tim knew Jon was trying to use the right words, the ones that would make him feel better, he was furious.

“How could you think that?!” Jon held up his raggedly bandaged hands, the blisters from digging his own grave and who knows what else hidden from view.

“I, I’m sorry, I. You’re right, that was stupid of me. I’m sorry, Tim, I’m sorry, I--” Tim cut him off by sweeping him into an embrace, pressing his face into his shoulder. He was little more than bones rattling around in a scarred and ruined skin, shaking in his arms, his own held away, stiff. Dear lord, what had he done? “T’Tim? I, I’m sorry I’ve upset you.”

“Stop it, Jon.” And he collapsed, spent from his outpouring, breath loud in Tim’s ear. “Just stop.” Tentative, Jon wrapped him up in return. “I’m going to do better.”

“You don’t--”

“I do. And I am.” Damp soaked into his sleeve despite the silence with which Jon sobbed, little more than uneven, ardent gasping as they clung to each other.

“B’but.” He pressed closer, starved for it. “I.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve been so afraid.” Murmured against his shirt, Tim could feel the shapes of his words, the trembling of his lips.

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you. You mean. If, if you--I couldn’t stand it. If it wasn’t real.” Desperately, he whispered, thick with tears. “Don’t think I’d survive losing you again.” Too much loss. Too much all around and not one time had Tim thought about who he still had.

“I’m going to help you.” Tim realized then he’d been crying as well. “Like I should have from the start of this mess.” Gently, he pulled him away, took his damaged hands. “Let me get these fixed up. If Martin sees them, he’ll have both our heads on pikes.” For a moment, Tim was worried it was too soon, that Jon would need to hide this vulnerability from him, and he held his breath, until he nodded, just once.

It would take time, but they’d made a start.

#TMA #the magnus archives #tim stoker #jon sims #martin blackwood #pining #mending fences #sick #fever #injuries #fears #blood

69 notes · View notes