#apologies for the emotional whiplash

[ghosttotheparty]

love me softly p19

part 18

Eddie’s alarm clock wakes them up.

Steve startles, still laying on top of Eddie, and then he groans into Eddie’s neck, nuzzling closer as Eddie smacks the alarm clock off.

Eddie sighs, wrapping his arms around him and turning his face into Steve’s hair.

“You have an awful clock,” Steve mumbles, his voice low and rumbly. Eddie laughs quietly, running his hand up Steve’s bare back. His skin is warm.

“Sorry.”

Steve sighs, his breath hot on Eddie’s neck, and Eddie drags his fingertips over his spine. After a quiet moment Steve groans softly, pressing his face into Eddie.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he grumbles. “I told Wayne we’d get to school on time.”

“You don’t wanna skip with me?” Eddie asks as Steve sits up, following him up, propping himself up with his hands behind him. Steve sits next to him, smiling sleepily, his hands in his lap. Eddie squints at him, his eyes skimming over him, over his sleep-tousled hair and pink cheeks, lingering on the soft rolls of his stomach. Eddie wants to bite him.

“Maybe if Wayne didn’t say anything about us getting to school on time,” Steve says, smiling.

Eddie looks at the ceiling, sighing heavily.

“Dammit, Wayne.”

Steve laughs softly, and then he leans forward and touches Eddie’s chin, kissing him softly.

“Good morning, Eddie baby,” he says quietly.

“Good morning,” Eddie murmurs, his cheeks flushing. Steve smiles and kisses him again.

“Wayne’s in the living room,” Eddie says as he’s stretching. “I’ll go find you a toothbrush and whatnot.”

“Thank you,” Steve says softly, following him up and stretching, arching his back and groaning quietly. “I’ll get dressed.”

Eddie hums.

“Unfortunate.”

He steps up behind Steve as he’s looking for his shirt that he tossed away last night, sliding his hands across his waist and squeezing and kneading at his belly and hips. He’s so soft. Eddie rests his forehead on Steve’s shoulder, groaning quietly.

Steve sighs when Eddie’s chest presses to his back, his head falling back. He hums when Eddie squeezes his belly again.

“Don’t distract me,” he says after a moment, and Eddie can hear his smile in his voice.

Eddie kisses the side of his neck.

“M’kay.”

He finds a spare toothbrush under the sink. Brings it to Steve as Steve is pulling his jeans on. His shirt is wrinkled, the collar uneven. Eddie hands the toothbrush to him and fixes his collar wordlessly before he kisses his forehead.

“‘M gonna make breakfast,” he says as he finishes dressing.

“‘M gonna brush my teeth,” Steve says. He’s leaning against the wall, watching Eddie button his jeans. Eddie blushes, smoothing his shirt and finding his rings on the bedside table. Steve gazes as he puts them on. “You’re really hot, you know that?”

Eddie’s face flushes with even more heat, and he looks at the floor, grinning.

“Don’t distract me,” he says, tugging Steve into a chaste kiss before he goes to the kitchen.

He hears Steve laugh behind him.

He’s smiling as he makes their breakfasts (toasted bagels with eggs and cheese and probably too much salt and pepper), listening to Wayne snoring and the bathroom sink running, happy.

He’s finishing Steve’s sandwich when he feels him approach from behind him, and his smile grows when Steve’s hands push under the hem of his t-shirt, sliding over his stomach and pressing to hold him close.

Steve hums, nuzzling into his neck.

“‘S nice,” he murmurs.

“What’s nice?”

“This.”

“You want me to be your little house-husband, sweetheart?”

“Hm. I wouldn’t mind.”

Eddie laughs softly, tilting his head as Steve kisses the side of his neck.

“I’m gonna go. Meet Tommy before school starts.”

“Lemme wrap this up for you,” Eddie says, and Steve doesn’t detach from him as as he carefully rips some tin foil from the roll as quietly as he can. Steve’s fingers brush over Eddie’s skin as he wraps it, almost tickling.

“Is it weird that I like listening to Wayne snore?” Steve asks, watching over his shoulder. Eddie grins.

“Nah, I like it too.” His tongue pokes out for a moment as he focuses, trying not to like the foil rip. “Used to sleep with him when I moved in ‘cause I couldn’t be by myself,” he says. “Used to listen to him snore when I couldn’t sleep. It helped.”

“‘S really sweet,” Steve says quietly. Eddie smiles, finally finishing, and he holds the sandwich up. Steve reaches to take it, tilting his head to press a kiss to Eddie’s cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too, hon—“

He cuts off when he turns to look at him, his eyes lowering go look over Steve.

He’s wearing that one sweatshirt from Eddie’s closet, the black, bleach-stained one. Eddie can see the collar of his polo under the neckline of it, and his cheeks flush.

“…Ney,” he finishes. Steve smiles. “You’re gonna wear it to school?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, looking down at it, smoothing down the front. “Why not?”

“I…” Eddie gazes at him, shrugging weakly and shaking his head. He’s right, Eddie thinks. There’s nothing on the sweatshirt that would point to Eddie. No metal band name across the chest, no chains or leather. “Because I’m not gonna wanna keep my hands off you.”

Steve beams, stepping forward and touching his chin.

“Practice self-restraint,” he says lightly, leaning in and kissing him gently. “And it’ll be worth it.”

Eddie’s cheeks light up.

“Oh, is that so?” he whispers. Steve hums, tracing his jaw.

“I’ll let you take it off of me,” he murmurs, smiling when Eddie’s eyes widen and he inhales slowly.

“Okay,” Eddie says weakly before he leans in and kisses him hard, reaching to hold his face. He can feel Steve’s smile against his mouth, and after a second, Steve’s fingers push into his hair and tug gently. “Okay,” Eddie breathes when they part.

“I’ll see you later,” Steve says, smiling, tilting his head. Eddie blushes again (he has a serious problem), and he avoids Steve’s eyes, reaching to fix his collar so it’s over the neckline of the sweatshirt, neat and preppy and cuter than it should be.

“See you later,” he murmurs.

Steve kisses his forehead.

“Love you,” he says, stepping back, and their hands drop. He grabs his bag from the laundry machine where he’d placed it. “Don’t forget your homework for Murphy.”

“Fuck, thank you,” Eddie says, quickly moving to find it on the table. “Love you too, baby.”

Steve is smiling when he leaves.

Eddie’s stomach flips over every time his eyes catch Steve in the hallways, glimpsing his dark sweatshirt on Steve’s body, seeing everyone see it without knowing it came from Eddie’s closet. He wants to tug him into the bathroom in the main building, to push him into a stall and kiss him so hard they both go blind for a second.

He refrains.

He finds a little sketch in his locker later, a pencil drawing on a ripped piece of lined paper. The pencil is dark and smudged, in the shape of a sweatshirt that’s rumpled and folded. Red pen marks where the sweatshirt is bleach-strained.

At the bottom of the page is written,

(got something to tell you)

Curiosity almost overcomes him, and he has to hold back from marching over and dragging Steve by the hand into the bathroom to interrogate him. Their eyes meet across the cafeteria during lunch, and Eddie raises his eyebrows at him.

But Steve just smiles and looks back at him, only blinking when he recoils when Tommy’s hand runs across his face suddenly, and Eddie laughs.

Steve’s collar is messed up again, under the collar of the sweatshirt. Eddie wonders why until he watches Steve lifts the sweatshirt up over his mouth and nose, watches his shoulders rise and fall as he breathes deeply, and he remembers watching Steve smell the sweatshirt the first time he pulled it from Eddie’s closet. Eddie looks away, rubbing his cheek and suppressing a smile.

Steve comes over after school. (Eddie kind of wishes they could do this every day. He really wishes they could do this every day.)

“What do you have to tell me?” Eddie asks as soon as he walks in, and Steve laughs softly, dropping his bag and following him to the sofa. He collapses onto Eddie’s lap when Eddie sits, holding his shoulders and grinning. Eddie’s hands catch his waist gently.

“‘S kinda weird,” he says softly, settling on Eddie’s legs before he reaches to Eddie’s hair, combing through it and pushing it back, tucking it behind his ears. Eddie’s cheeks feel warm, and he tilts his chin up at him.

“Tell me.”

Steve kind of slumps, looking at Eddie’s guitar pick as he plays with the ends of his hair shyly.

“I felt really pretty today,” he says in a small voice, quietly. Eddie’s eyebrows raise, and his hands slide over Steve’s waist, and his chest tightens.

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm.”

“‘Cause of this?” Eddie asks, running a hand over Steve’s chest, touching the sweatshirt.

“Mhmm.”

“Think you gotta keep it.”

“I would,” Steve says, almost murmuring, leaning down and nudging their noses together. “But I need it to smell like you.”

“Well then you gotta move in,” Eddie says softly, and Steve giggles, kissing him. Eddie kisses him back, reaching up the back of his head, holding him carefully, tenderly.

He feels Steve relax against him as they kiss lazily, sighing when Eddie sucks on his lip. Eddie sighs in turn when Steve’s fingers bury themselves in Eddie’s hair.

Eddie’s hands creep slowly to the hem of the sweatshirt, but Steve pulls away, smiling. Eddie gasps, breathless, and opens his eyes to gaze up at him.

Steve nudges their noses together again.

“We have homework,” he whispers.

Eddie groans, shoving his face into Steve’s chest. Steve laughs, kissing his head before he gets up. Eddie watches him cross the room to get their backpacks, and he catches his when Steve throws it to him.

“We can make out when we’re done.”

Eddie sighs as Steve joins him on the sofa again.

“Curse my more responsible better half.”

Steve hums, grinning.

Steve doesn’t even bat an eye when Eddie gets up to pace while he works, just moving his legs out of the way so Eddie doesn’t trip. At some point Eddie can feel him watching him, but he doesn’t stop working.

Eddie only looks up when Steve takes his shirt off under the sweatshirt, pausing with his pen between his teeth to watch the hem of it ride up his stomach before Steve fixes it with a sigh, setting his polo aside. Steve must feel Eddie watching, because he looks up and meets his eyes.

“Focus,” he says firmly, a smile teasing his lips, and Eddie looks back at his worksheet, wide-eyed and teasing. Steve giggles quietly.

Steve finishes before Eddie does, but he doesn’t try to prompt him to make him work faster. He just lays his head on Eddie’s lap when he finally sits down heavily and looks up at the ceiling quietly. Eddie tangles his fingers in Steve’s hair right away, playing with it while he thinks, while he bites his lip and kicks his feet and listens to Steve breathe.

When he finally finishes, he sighs heavily and pushes his notebooks off his lap to the floor.

“Are you done or did you just throw everything?” Steve asks.

“‘M done. My brain’s fried. In a not good way.”

Steve snorts and looks up at him, tilting his head back. Eddie gazes back at him and moves his hand to caress his cheek. His skin is so soft.

Steve’s smile softens after a moment.

“What is it?” Eddie asks. Steve’s mouth twists for a second before he speaks.

“Do you… know what you’re going to do after you graduate?”

Eddie’s smile falls and he looks away, swallowing, suddenly nervous.

“I, uhm.” He’s still touching Steve’s face, so he moves his hand to his chest, resting over his heart. “No.”

Steve blinks at him.

Eddie’s never going to get over those eyes. It’s like they can see right into him.

“I don’t…” Eddie starts again, the thin wall he’s just built up falling away easily under Steve’s gaze. “I don’t even think I’m gonna graduate this year.”

Steve blinks again.

“Why?” he asks softly.

“Grades are shit,” Eddie says with a light shrug. “My brain doesn’t work like it’s supposed to, so…”

Steve frowns. It’s cute.

“What are you gonna do?”

Eddie shrugs again.

“Try again next year, I guess,” he says.

Steve half-smiles.

“We can graduate together,” he says lightly. Eddie’s heart swells a little bit. He hadn’t considered that.

“Wayne would like that,” he says softly. Steve’s smile widens, and his eyes close. “What are you gonna do after graduation?” Eddie asks after a moment, rubbing over Steve’s chest. Steve hums, opening his eyes and looking up to the ceiling.

“Dad wants me to study business,” he says softly. He lifts a hand to hold Eddie’s himself. “To follow in his footsteps.”

“Is that what you want?”

“…I don’t even actually know what he does,” Steve says, twining their fingers. “So no.”

“What do you wanna do?”

“I dunno,” he sighs. “Kinda just wanna get out of here, then figure everything out.”

“Outta Hawkins?”

“Mhmm.”

“You don’t like it here?”

Steve sighs again.

“Not really. I mean, I… I like you. And Tommy, and— And Gareth and Wayne.” Eddie squeezes his hand and smiles. “But Hawkins… It’s so…” He shakes his head. “Small. I guess. I think— I think Hawkins is what made me… Whatever I am.”

Eddie reaches with his other hand to brush his hair away from his forehead, and he leans down to kiss him.

“Where would you wanna go?” he asks quietly.

Steve hums softly, thoughtfully. Eddie gazes at him while he thinks, watching his eyelashes flutter with every blink, watching his nibble his lower lip until it’s shiny and pink.

“Maybe San Francisco,” Steve says finally, looking up at him with a smile.

“Why San Francisco?”

“Heard it’s really queer,” Steve says, his eyes shining. “Maybe I can hold your hand on the sidewalks.”

Eddie blinks in vague surprise.

“…You want me there?”

Steve blinks back, his fingers shifting on Eddie’s hand.

“Of course I want you there,” he says after a moment. When Eddie remains speechless, Steve moves his head so he’s laying across his lap instead on part of his thigh. “Eddie, I’m in love with you,” he says softly. “I want you there for everything.”

Eddie’s throat tightens and he swallows, looking away and blinking his suddenly stinging eyes.

“Okay,” he says weakly.

Steve is smiling brightly up at him, his hair fallen around his head messily.

“You wanna come with me?” he asks, and Eddie scoffs wetly, sniffling.

“Yeah,” he says. “Obviously. I’d follow you through hell and back, Stevie.”

Steve’s smile somehow brightens even more.

“We can take your van,” he says. “Just… pack our shit and go. Run away together.”

“Bring all your art,” Eddie tells him, brushing through his hair and ignoring the way the words Run away together make his heart pound. “Bet people in Cali will love it.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

“Okay,” Steve says shyly. He looks away, at Eddie’s hand on his chest. Eddie gazes down at him, at their fingers twisted together.

“God, I wanna marry you,” he blurts.

Steve giggles, pulling at Eddie’s hand to kiss his palm.

“You think they’ll let us do that someday?” he asks after a moment, tracing the lines of his palm.

“Yeah,” Eddie says firmly after a moment. “I think they’ll let us do that someday.”

Steve is smiling at him, and he sits up, dropping Eddie’s hand and moving to hug him. His arms wrap around his neck and Eddie smiles, gripping his thighs and pulling so Steve sits on his lap, straddling his hips. (This is where Steve belongs, right on Eddie’s lap, in his arms.)

“Love you,” Steve murmurs, pressing a kiss to Eddie’s he before he pulls away.

Eddie smiles, leaning to nudge their noses together, closing his eyes and breathing Steve in. He can basically feel the heat radiating from him, like he’s got the sun sitting on his lap.

Steve kisses him carefully, lingering and slow, and Eddie exhales, melting. He wraps his arms around Steve’s waist tightly, tilting his head back as Steve holds his head in his hands, his fingers pushing into Eddie’s curls.

Steve looks almost sleepy when they part, and he brushes his fingers over Eddie’s cheeks lightly, tickling him. Eddie’s hands crawl over his waist to the hem of the sweatshirt again, and he tugs at it gently.

“Can I take this off?” he whispers.

“Yes, please,” Steve breathes.

Eddie smiles and shifts to the edge of the sofa, gripping Steve’s legs and standing up. Steve’s legs wrap around him, his ankles locking behind his back, and he giggles, hugging Eddie’s neck again. Eddie kicks his door shut when he gets to his room and sits on the edge of his bed, hugging Steve back, nuzzling into his neck for a moment before he pulls away and reaches for the hem of his sweatshirt again.

Steve’s eyes are closed as he leans back and lifts his arms, letting Eddie pull it over his head. Eddie leans in as he tosses it behind himself to the bed, burying his face in Steve’s chest and sighing.

Steve’s fingers find Eddie’s hair again, playing with it as Eddie presses his lips just over where Steve’s heart is beating beneath his warm skin. Eddie presses his fingers into Steve’s hips, into his waist and belly and chest, kneading and pulling and groping and loving every inch of him.

Steve falls forward so he can press his face into Eddie’s neck.

“Alright?” Eddie whispers, because it feels wrong to speak in a voice anywhere above a breath right now. Steve nods.

“Feels good,” he breathes.

So Eddie doesn’t stop.

Steve’s lips find Eddie’s neck as Eddie touches him, and Eddie’s eyes flutter shut as Steve kisses him softly. The kisses are soft, slow and wet and gentle, and Eddie can practically hear their hearts beating in tandem.

“Can I give you a hickey?” Steve murmurs.

“Mhmm.”

“Thank you.”

Eddie laughs softly, dragging his fingertips over Steve’s spine.

Gareth won’t stop making fun of the hickey the next morning, poking at it and asking if he got too cozy with the vacuum.

“You’re the worst.”

“I’m pretty hilarious, actually. People with functioning brains know that.

“I’m gonna go hang out with Steve and Tomm— Oh, shit, Tommy.”

Eddie jumps up and grabs his backpack, sprinting across the parking lot to where the two of them are sitting on the hood of Steve’s car, leaving Gareth behind.

He sits abruptly next to Tommy, grinning broadly and hugging his backpack to his chest. Tommy blinks, cutting off mid-sentence, and the boy he’s talking to stares at Eddie, wide-eyed.

“Good morning?” Tommy says, looking at him. Steve is suppressing a smile, looking around him at Eddie.

“Hello,” Eddie says, staring at him intently. “Will you help me with my stats homework?”

A short laugh bursts from Tommy’s chest.

“Yeah, sure, man.”

“God bless your heart.”

Tommy tells the boy he’ll see him later, and the boy gives him a look with a slow, “…Okay…”

“Where’s Gareth?” Steve asks as Eddie is finding the homework.

“Oh, I ditched him,” Eddie realises, turning to tell his name loudly, and Tommy cackles with a, “Holy shit,” and Steve covers his face, laughing.

Gareth joins them a minute later, leaning next to Steve as Tommy helps Eddie through his homework. He makes it so much easier than Murphy does, and Eddie finishes before the bell even rings.

“Tommy, I might be a little in love with you.”

Tommy gives a startled laugh as Steve cuts off the conversation he’s having with Gareth to make an offended noise.

“You’re still top of my list, honey,” Eddie reassured him, leaning back to look around Tommy at him, blowing him a little kiss.

“What a relief,” Steve says dryly. His eyes are sparkling.

The rest of the week goes by fairly quickly. The four of them hang out at Gareth's one day, then in the parking lot of the school the next, sitting in Eddie's van with their legs tangled. Gareth and Tommy pretend to gag every time Eddie kisses Steve's lips.

Steve spends Friday night at Eddie's. On Saturday, Eddie wakes up to find Steve and Wayne having coffee and watching a baseball game on the television, talking and laughing, and Eddie thinks for a moment that he's going to die.

Steve's parents leave on Sunday. Eddie finds out because Steve appears at his door on Sunday evening, in tears, trembling.

"What happened?" he asks quickly, pulling Steve inside. Wayne is out, but Eddie kind of wishes he was here.

"They left," Steve says weakly.

"Did they-- Did they do anything?" Eddie asks, his eyes scanning over Steve's face and hands, searching for any evidence of a fight.

"No, they just..."

"Breathe, honey," Eddie says gently, and Steve closes his eyes, inhaling deeply, slowly, shakily.

"They didn't say goodbye," he says finally, opening his eyes and looking at Eddie desperately. "They just-- They didn't even leave a note, they usually-- They usually leave a note."

“Steve, baby,”  Eddie tries, not moving to touch him because he’s pacing, his hands moving frantically. “Isn’t it a good thing that they’ve gone?” “Yes, but…” He sighs, rubbing his face. “They didn’t even tell me where they were going. They always tell me where they’re going. And they said they were leaving tomorrow, but they just– they were just gone when I got back from Tommy’s, it’s– it’s like I don’t even exist to them,” he says, almost crying. 

“Fuck them,” Eddie snaps, letting his anger at them bubble over. “They don’t— They don’t love you, Stevie,” he says, softening his voice as Steve frowns and blinks hard. 

“I know,” he says weakly. “They don’t love me.” 

Eddie’s chest hurts. He wants to reach out and hold him, but something tells him Steve doesn’t want that right now. Doesn’t need that. His heart is beating fast, recovering from the sudden adrenaline, the sudden panic from looking for bruises or scrapes or discolouration on Steve’s skin, but as it fades, Steve says, under his breath, almost to himself, almost mindless, like he doesn’t even notice himself saying it, “Nobody loves me.” 

“What?” Eddie says, his blood suddenly cold. Steve’s eyes snap up to Eddie’s, and they’re shining in a way that Eddie’s never seen. Vulnerable and weak and almost scared. “Steve,” Eddie says softly. “What do you mean by that?”

Steve takes a shaky breath, shaking his head and shrugging weakly, so subtly he almost barely does it all. 

“My parents…” he starts, his voice wavering. “My parents don’t love me.” His expression hardens a little bit. “And— And people at school don’t love me.” 

“Steve, what the fuck are you talking about?” Eddie asks as gently as he can. “People at school adore you.” 

“No, they don’t,” Steve insists. “They love– They love the king,” he says, gesturing aimlessly with a hand, pacing again. “And I– I never wanted to be him, I’ve fucking– pretended to be him for years, but I’m not him. They don’t love me,” he says. “They love who they think I am.” He stops, looking at Eddie, blinking tears back. Eddie’s chest hurts. “They don’t know me.” 

“I know you,” Eddie says softly. “Don’t I?” 

“Yes,” Steve breathes. “You know… You know all of me.” 

“And I love you,” Eddie tells him. “...You believe that, right?” 

Steve just blinks at him, his lip quivering, and Eddie’s blood runs cold again. It feels like all the air expels from his lungs. 

“...Steve?” he whispers weakly. 

“I…” Steve blinks again, and a tear falls. He takes a sharp breath, looking at the ground the way he does sometimes when he’s thinking as he talks. “I have gone… my whole life,” he chokes. “Without… Without being told I’m loved. And without– without feeling like I’m loved. And then suddenly the fucking– the fucking boy of my dreams is in love with me too, and it’s just… It’s just kind of unbelievable sometimes.” He looks up at Eddie, his eyes glistening with tears. “I do believe you. I want to believe you.”

“Baby,” Eddie breathes. 

“It’s just—” He wipes his face so hard it makes his cheeks red. “I’ve spent years pretending to be someone I’m not, and everyone at school loves a– a lie. They don’t know me, and— and my parents don’t know me at all, and I don’t know me, but you say you love me, and I don’t— I don’t know who you love, Eddie.” 

He’s crying now, actually crying. Trying to wipe his tears away as they fall, sniffling and gasping, and Eddie’s vision is swimming with his own tears. 

“Steve,” he says as firmly as he can. He steps closer when Steve looks up at him, distraught, and he finally touches him, wiping his tears. “I…”

“‘M sorry,” Steve says weakly.  

“Don’t,” Eddie tells him, kissing his forehead and wiping his cheeks. He’s quiet for a moment, just holding him, his stomach twisting when Steve’s hands clutch at his sides, gripping his shirt. He can feel them trembling against him. He tries to think about how to say what’s swirling in his mind, how to phrase it. Sometimes the things he feels get stuck in his chest, tangled like thread. “Your parents are pieces of shit,” he settles on, moving back and holding Steve’s face to look into his eyes. “They made you feel unloveable, but you are fucking anything but unloveable, Steve Harrington.” 

Steve closes his eyes, listening, and a tear slips down his cheek, dripping to Eddie’s fingers. 

“And I…” Eddie pauses, looking at Steve, scanning his face, looking at the moles that spot his skin in a pattern that Eddie has memorized, a pattern that Eddie sees at night when he closes his eyes. “I see you,” he tells him. “I know you. And I love you,” Eddie says firmly. “Even if you think it’s… fantastical, or– or impossible.” He pauses, choking up a little bit, swallowing. He leans in to press their foreheads together, and Steve’s hands tighten. “And it is so, so easy to love you.”

Steve’s breath catches in his throat. 

“‘S my favourite thing to do,” Eddie murmurs, smiling softly. 

“How can you love me if I don’t even know who I am?” Steve asks quietly, finally opening his eyes. He looks like a fucking painting, his lashes all wet and dark, framing his shining eyes, his cheeks flushed red. Eddie aches.

 “You know I started falling for you before we even started talking?” 

Steve blinks. 

“I just… I just knew who you were on the inside,” Eddie explains softly. “And then we started talking and you… proved me right. That you’re kind and sweet and fucking…” He pauses to swallow, shaking his head, pressing a hand to Steve’s chest. “So fucking beautiful in here.”

Steve presses a hand over Eddie’s holding it to himself and taking a shuddering breath. 

“Why do I feel so…” 

He exhales heavily. Eddie feels his breath on his face. 

“So?”

“I don’t know.” Steve takes a deep breath, his shoulders falling. He stares blankly at Eddie’s guitar pick. “Tired. I feel like…” He’s quiet for a moment. “I have been… pretending to be someone I hate for years. It feels like… Like I’ve been, like, flexing all my muscles at once this whole time, and I finally got to relax around you, but I… This fucking place, just—” 

He cuts off and shakes his head before he exhales, and Eddie brushes his fingers over Steve’s jaw gently, tenderly, wishing he could do anything to lessen the anguish in Steve’s eyes. 

"I just…" Steve exhales, his shoulders slumping, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment like he's been awake for days. "Kinda just… wanna get drunk 'nd go to sleep."

"No," Eddie says sharply, shaking his head, moving closer to run his hands over Steve's upper arms firmly. "No, you're not gonna do that."

Steve looks at him, and Eddie knows he knows.

"Talk to me, Stevie," he says, softening his voice. Steve sighs, closing his eyes for another moment, reaching to hold onto Eddie's shirt again.

“I’ve been holding myself up for so long," he says quietly. "Pretending and lying and acting like— like this perfect son, this perfect student, perfect friend, perfect asshole, and there’s this… this thing inside of me that’s been waiting, and waiting, and like… building up, and it’s gonna explode, and I just— I don’t know what to do.” 

He looks into Eddie’s eyes almost anxiously, nervously, and Eddie nods, brushing his thumb over his cheek reassuringly, but Steve doesn’t say anything else. 

“Steve,” Eddie says softly. Steve blinks at him. “I’m… going to ask you something,” he says slowly, carefully. “And I want you to really think about it before you answer me.” 

Steve’s lips twitch into a small smile, his expression lightening already. 

“Okay,” he whispers. 

Eddie pauses, holding his face, and he bites his lip, hesitating until he finally speaks. 

“Do you wanna act out?” 

Steve blinks at him, his expression unchanging, but Eddie can see the gears turning behind his eyes. 

“...Yes.”

Eddie grins.

part 20 read the whole thing on ao3 tagging: @suddenlyinlove (love ur URL btw) @thehumblefigtree <3 comment to be tagged in part 20 :)