#aphobes suck

[transmaverique]

amab and afab, if they were used as shorthand for the actual full phrases that they signify, with emphasis on the "assigned" part, and an understanding that they are enforcements of normative (ie, dyadic and cisgender and binary) sex, would be like. really useful. but people took the terms and started using them as shorthand FOR normative sex instead of the ENFORCEMENT OF normative sex. so when other trans people (almost always dyadic trans people) ask for your agab they are almost always asking for your Original Genital Situation. your starting point, so to say. and the reason FOR asking is also almost always bc they are trying to also enforce a certain kind of normativity within queer spaces (which is stupid bc being queer is inherently non-normative but here we are). like, you cant be a lesbian if you're ftm, bc you ARE m, so if you ARE a lesbian, then that means you're lying about some aspect of your identity. does that make sense?

it is always always always incredibly.... i do not trust dyadic trans people that use cagab terms, even moreso than i do not trust dyadic trans people that just use agab terms. agab is also coopted intersex language, but the "coercive" part of cagab SPECIFICALLY refers to medical "intervention" of intersex characteristics, such as "corrective" surgeries and hrt. i am deeply fucking suspicious of any dyadic trans person that uses those terms exactly the same as described above, even moreso if they do so bc "all gender is coercive".

like. yeah. that's true. but you use these terms to erase and overtake intersex discussions on the medical abuse of intersex infants. and i cant help but wonder why you would feel the need to do that.

[pet-cemetery-emotes]

unrealted but what does endo mean? /genq

Short hand for endogenic! Which usually means anyone who is plural for non trauma reasons! or who doesn't relate their plurality to trauma. if you don't know what plural means, there are a lot of definitions! I'd recommend googling around or talking to plural people, because i dont have good words today. plurality is often associated with DID, but that's not the only source or cause :) another common one is MADD (maladaptive daydreaming disorder) or immersive daydreaming!

take this with a grain of salt, though - people will often change their personal definitions of what it means to be plural or endo to exclude others. perhaps because of their own internalized ableism, or exerting control over their online spaces is the only control they readily get, or because picking on a subculture of a subculture means that their targets often won't be defended and they can get away with using them as stress toys. Similarly to queer infighting, and aphobia. Thumbs up emoji

[void-imp]

the op of that lgbt and opinion on beer post you reblogged is being Aphobic in their replies letting you know :(

oh fuck i didn’t know! i’m ace myself so fuck them, will delete my reblog now. thanks for letting me know!

[toytulini]

god this stupid fucking intracommunity infighting bullshit never ends and im so god damn tired. stop it. and if youre fucking discoursing this stupid shit you should have to add a fucking disclaimer to your fucking posts at least im tired of having to search yalls blogs when smth slightly off about your wording that i cant explain has me like hmmmmm and then i end up right and i really dont want to be

[vulpinesaint]

if you ever tell me how funny you think the warm milk post was by the way it gives me a sudden and intense vision into the fundamental differences in our life experiences up to this point. and also makes me really fucking uncomfortable

[internetgiraffekid1673]

Convinced my queerphobic brother to be less queerphobic and he has NO IDEA!

Okay, I just had a very genuinely entertaining and somewhat uplifting experience as a half closeted aroace. Now while this was a positive experience for me, general trigger warning for queerphobia.

So, one of my brothers (Sandwich God, not J-Dog), who I love very much, is unfortunately an asshole that I constantly wish was a better person and that I cheer along with every time he's able to overcome one of his bigoted beliefs or unhealthy behaviors. He's AuDHD (not related to being an asshole) and frequently has trouble communicating his emotions and ideas, but therapy has made all of us better about it and so most of the time nowadays, when we have conversations, we're actually able to understand and assimilate the other person's perspective (I am so proud of him for the progress he's made and I also regularly want to deck him for the progress he hasn't made. It's a complicated relationship).

One of the ways he is an asshole is that he is rampantly queerphobic. This is the main reason I am half closeted---I am not ready to sacrifice the good rapport we have because he isn't at an accepting point in his life, and I know that the queerphobia is something he can overcome with time and positive exposure. So I can't be publicly out and proud while we live in the same house if I want to have the kind of productive conversations about queerness with him that I am currently having. It's messed up, but so is queerphobia in any form.

So. He doesn't know that I'm aroace. He is aggressively queerphobic and heteronormative and is going on about how he thinks that everybody has a natural drive to get married and have kids by 30.

I offhandedly comment that I think sex is gross (apothisexual here) and that I never want to do it. And he kind of stares at me. You can see the gears turning in his brain as he tries to assimilate this information. He decides it must be something about how our mother (victim of sexual abuse) raised me that makes me like that. I shut that down very quickly by just telling him "Do you know how many sex talks my mom has had with me and how much LESS grossed out by sex that made me?" Which is true by the way! I didn't understand why anyone would want to do it before those talks, especially with all the associated risks. Now I am 100% confident that I don't want to, but the idea that other people want to and do have sex doesn't gross me out at all, just so long as they're not spewing details in front of me.

And he just stares at me in confusion. And he says "Maybe your brain is just broken." I say, "I am confident that it is a me thing and not a thing about how I was raised. I don't ever want to have sex and if I'm still single at 65, I will.be perfectly happy." I go into a few more details to assure him of this: I've never had so much as a fictional crush. I got to have the fun experience of having teenage girl only sleepovers and listening to every other girl rave about the hot boys they want to kiss and just tell them "That's great! I'm so happy for you! Me? No, I don't want to kiss any boys. Or girls. Or anyone."

Now, I am being incredibly entertained by his expressions this whole time. You can tell that his brain is having a war with his misguided belief of "queer people don't actually exist, they're all just deluded" and his factual understanding of what I'm saying. He trusts me, I have no reason to lie, and this absolutely matches up with what he's observed from my behavior.

And finally, he goes. "Huh. I still think you're broken or something, but if you're fine with it, I guess that's okay."

FELLAS! Do ya'll understand that something magical just happened here?! Before this conversation, my brother was one of those queerphobes that saw it as his job to personally inform every queer he sees that they're wrong and need to stop. And in this one conversation, I triggered a paradigm shift from THAT to "I may think they're wrong, but I guess they're happy and they're not hurting anyone, so I should probably leave it alone."

DO YOU GUYS REALIZE WHAT A VICTORY THIS IS? I may not have used the words asexual or aromantic. I may not have made him realize that diversity in how humans experience love is normal and good actually. But I helped him make a big step from actively hurting people to passively bigoted. And being passively bigoted is still bad, don't get me wrong. But it's still so much better than where he was before this talk. I can only hope that a) it sticks and b) I can keep having conversations with him like this where he's able to internally break down those destructive behaviors.

Today was a victory for me personally and for every queer person he'll meet in the future. He's still an asshole. But he is now less of an asshole than he was before, and that's important.

[dumpster-lizard]

Asexual/Aromantic headcanons: Good, I love them, keep going

Asexual/Aromantic headcanons based specifically on characters lacking genitalia or even being nonbinary: I am blowing you up with my mind

[redysetdare]

Look, i get it. You're SAD your Aro. You're SAD your Ace. you HATE not feeling romantic/sexual attraction. you WISH you were allo. Life isn't how Amatonormativity said it would be. I GET IT. But at some point u gotta stop wallowing in self pity and misery and reach the acceptance stage of grief. I promise you that you will feel better once you stop feeling bad for yourself and start realizing you aren't broken for being aspec. literally you have the option to not live your life feeling miserable over something you can't change. You will find other things to make you happy. you will find that you don't have to "miss out" on anything. You can find happiness. You just gotta learn to let go of your misery. You deserve to find happiness, even if it's not in the way you original thought you would.

[spookiat]

Had allos smugly assume a close silly friendship was romantic: 10,000 dead 900,000 injured, I am exploding them with my mind

[thelintonyourshoe]

take em down

[tzebua]

fashionably late as always. pride month is no exception.

[quatari]

sometimes I'm like hang on maybe i do like sex and other intimate intercourse and kidding and stuff right but then i like try SO HARD to the person i like SO MUCH and feel NOTHING maybe actually a little disgust even is this asexuality or fucking trauma. send help

[altschmerzes]

i meant less the inability for people to tag their shit correctly and more the constant crush of hyper-emphasis on romantic shipping, normalized and extreme amatonormativity ('there's no platonic explanation for this' 'if you think they aren't in love you're delusional/lying/stupid/etc' 'WHO would do x for a mere FRIEND' etc), harassment of people who don't like certain ships or ships at all, harassment of people who request politely but firmly that people don't make ship based commentary on their fanworks (which i and people i know have repeatedly personally experienced), the expectation that anyone and everyone is in fandom because they enjoy and want to engage in romantic shipping, etc etc etc tbh. it's a constant and inescapable background noise of 'the main/only point of fandom is romantic shipping and if you disagree you're weird/a prude/a mood killer' and even people who are cool about it tend to constantly make 'aren't they so in love' comments about two characters who made eye contact or stood in the same room to whoever happens to be nearby. there is no consideration of whether it is the appropriate time or place for romantic commentary, and the idea of someone having boundaries around that is considered antithetical to the entirety of fandom's existence.

so like, yeah, i've enjoyed cool aspec stuff and qpr representation as well, but the problems that i deal with trying to exist in fandom spaces that prompted me to make this post are so, so much more than just inaccurate tagging (which ALSO drives me nuts, but is just one of Many problems) and aren't ameliorated by the existence of qpr fic (which i love but people make a lot of really weird amatonormative and aphobic commentary about) and 'cool aspec stuff' (see previous).

if you are aromantic and have Tried To Exist In Fandom Spaces you may be entitled to financial compensation-

[chaoticace2005]

Reasons Vox may want to destroy Alastor:

1. He sucks.

2. It’s hot.

3. He rejected Vox’s advances and Vox does not handle rejection well.

4. Alastor supports Coke. Vox supports Pepsi. Enough said.

5. Stupid haircut.

6. He’s jealous of Alastor’s ears. How come he gets ears?!

7. He asked Alastor if he had a tail and was ghosted for seven years.

8. Alastor did $50,000 in TV damages at the Hellmart

9. Alastor apparently has a new #1 rival and HOW DARE HE

10. His stupid triangle ass. Vox HATES triangles. Boxes are IN!

11. He carries a dildo stick around. Vox already has 1 person in his life carrying a dildo stick around sometimes and that’s one too many.

12. When Vox glitches “Val” may sound like “Al”, he wants to get rid of potential confusion.

13. He once called Vox a podcast. Vox HATES podcasts.

14. Alastor didn’t laugh at his joke that one time.

15. He smiles too much for someone who never goes to the dentist.

16. Vox watched Bambi and never emotionally recovered. So the sight of Alastor nearly brings him to tears.

17. He needs to get rid of Alastor so Val/Velvette STOP saying he has a crush on Alastor

18. He needs to get rid of Alastor before anyone else can.

19. Vox is actually just racist.

20. Alastor is red. Red=communist. And as capitalism incarnate Vox hates communists.

21. HE KEEPS STEALING FROM VOX

22. Radio related trauma

23. He goes to the same tailor as Vox. Nobody is allowed to go to the same tailor as Vox.

24. Vox is aphobic

25. Alternatively, Vox is on the a-spec and doesn’t want to share a label with Alastor.

26. It’s the only way he can get pleasure because Valentino is not satisfying him in bed

Oh yeah, also: Power.

[a-frog-in-a-bog]

I keep seeing posts about how damaging ace discourse was to aces and while I’m glad we’re talking about tumblr’s bullying problem I think some of you have selective amnesia bc the war was DEFINITELY being fought from both sides. For every post calling asexuals cringe or lonely turbo virgins there was at least one reply or comment or post saying shit like “ok have fun dying of aids” or “I’m a bi ace which is exactly the same as being bisexual except I’m not a slut” or “ace culture is not having to worry about spreading STDs”.

Nearly every post made by a trans woman discussing transphobia was derailed by someone making it about asexuality instead (unfortunately this is still common on tumblr) and posts about gay sex or attraction were flooded with comments about those nasty dirty allos. Lesbians who expressed frustration about not being able to talk about their sexual attraction to women without aces “fixing” their posts to make them pure and wholesome were characterized as mean dykes and aphobic. And the shit that people posted after the pulse shooting was thinly veiled homophobia— do you know how many posts I saw that were along the lines of “well maybe if you gays were nicer to aces we’d donate blood” or “ace culture is hearing about the pulse shooting and wondering who would want to go dancing at a sweaty club when you could be home reading”.

And idk if people realize this but kink at pride discourse was born from ace discourse. The sheer amount of posts that were like “stop sucking face at pride I’m ace and it grosses me out get a room” or “pride is supposed to be a safe space for aces too nobody cares that you like to get tied up and fucked in the ass” or “as an aroace it makes me uncomfortable to see people wear nothing but leather harnesses stop making pride sexual”.

We absolutely should be calling out the people who posted graphic porn in the ace tag or harassed aces by calling them broken and unloveable bc that’s fucking horrendous and unacceptable but don’t act like every asexual on tumblr was an innocent smol bean posting garlic bread memes and minding their business bc the shit thrown at lgbt people in the name of ace discourse was awful and damaging to see, especially as a teen coming to terms with my sexuality

[dia-smthidk]

ppl who are aphobic are really pathetic lmao

you’re mad that nobody wants to fuck you so you project onto someone who chooses not to fuck?

you’re mad that others aren’t romantically attracted to you so you project onto someone who chooses not to be romantic?

okay suck it up buttercup cuz we really don’t want you either 💃