#apart from pisaeng

[thebroccolination]

Things Kawi Did the Night Pear Invited Him Over to Meet Her Father and Potentially Cement the Relationship He Traveled Back in Time to Get:

1) leave

2) yell at hot man

3) complain about hot man

4) drink about hot man

5) kiss hot man

GOING BACK IN TIME TO WOO PEAR SCORE: -100/10

BEING UNHINGED ABOUT A GUY SCORE: 10000000000000000000000000/10

[jjsanguine]

Kawi:

Me, a Nigerian: ? ? ?

[ppeonppeonhan]

Top 10 2023 BL Kisses

If you've seen at least a couple BLs you know that some of these actors are either uncomfortable kissing another man or just didn't get enough practice kissing literally anyone. So when they get it right and genuinely seem to be enjoying themselves, it is worth noting. Soooo grab a pen and paper, and take some notes:

You Are Mine: This Taiwanese drama was problematique with the unbalanced workplace power dynamics, but this sweet upside down kiss was worth the wait.

Dangerous Romance: This may not have been their first kiss, but it felt like the most romantic. By this point, they'd shared many scenes filled with awkward sexual tension, but this one didn't have an ounce of humor, and Kanghan and Sailom just melted into each other's arms.

Kiseki: Dear to Me: The lighting for this kiss really emphasized their till-death-do-us-part themed dialogue where they vowed to die seconds apart.

Stay By My Side: Lackluster supernatural subplot aside, this Taiwanese drama delivered the most adorable kiss as the main lead was too nervous to give in to his desires without closing his eyes.

Be My Favorite: It took Kawi a frustratingly long time to pull his head out of his ass and realize he would be lucky to have Pisaeng even as a friend let alone a boyfriend. Thank goodness for Pisaeng's patience, cause ours was wearing thin.

Love Class 2: Very happy Ma Ru realized he had feelings for his bestie and wasted no time making that clear with an epic kiss that I have probably rewatched a dozen times.

Only Friends: Honestly, all of their kisses were incredible, because both of these actors went from supporting characters to lead roles, and did not skip a beat. There was no awkward beginner's kiss phase. Those intimacy workshops must've been lit.

Step by Step: Their kiss chemistry was on point, but the car scenes were the most memorable for how very possible they would've been caught in the act in the parking garage of their place of employment. Caution meet wind.

Wedding Plan: These two were about five seconds away from making a baby in that car, and if this were the omegaverse, they probably would've.

Hidden Agenda: There was hunger in that kiss on both sides, and it took every ounce of strength in Zo to shove Joke out the door once he made his intention clear.

[lurkingshan]

Be My Favorite and the Perils of Getting What You Think You Want

This show continues to astound me with how smart it is; it truly does get better and better every week. In this episode, Kawi finished fixing everything on his list - saving his dad, growing closer to Pear, repairing friendships with Max and Pisaeng - and headed back to the future to reap the rewards. And once we got there, we realized very quickly that getting what he thought he wanted did not in fact fix his life.

This new Future Kawi is a successful recording artist, he is still friends with Max and Pisaeng, and he got to be in a long-term relationship with Pear. But his dad still died, his relationship with Pear fell apart, and he is now struggling with alcoholism. He is deeply unhappy, and the things he thought he wanted did not actually result in the kind of life he hoped he would have. Connecting with Pisaeng again only seems to reinforce that he’s been looking in the wrong place for what he seeks, and he is not done with the work to get there.

This is a genius turn of events. I am impressed that the show decided to pursue the thread of Kawi’s alcoholism, which they have been seeding the entire time. We have seen him turn to substances to manage his emotions, we have seen him blow well past his own limits, and we have seen him struggle to maintain control. All of these characteristics left unaddressed can easily result in a substance abuse problem, especially in someone who is not doing the necessary work to address their behavior problems and get to the root of what’s causing their issues.

In this episode, Kawi interrupted his own growth arc midstream to go back to the future, thinking that what he had achieved was enough to guarantee a good outcome. But he was not finished doing the necessary work to deal with his underlying issues and become the kind of person who could be a good partner to anyone, and he was denying an important part of himself. He looked away from his growing feelings for Pisaeng and their implications and instead stayed focused on his original goal of being with Pear, even as he wasn’t entirely certain why he wanted it anymore. He stopped thinking about how to be a better person to the people in his life. He stopped putting in the effort to change. And so in this new timeline he made Pear miserable in their relationship and ultimately still ended up alone. 

Another thing this episode showed us is how very much everyone else in this story is affected by Kawi’s choices. Pear spends years in a bad relationship with Kawi and then gets stuck with a cheating asshole of a husband. Kwan ends up used and discarded. Max is still playing the role of frustrated caretaker to Kawi’s emotional mess. Pisaeng alone seems to have found some peace, and it’s interesting that in this timeline, it was getting away from Kawi and moving on from his feelings for him that did it. Despite that kiss at the end, it’s clear that this version of Kawi is not the one who can be the partner Pisaeng deserves. 

Kawi is not done doing the work to accept his true desires and become his best self, and this narrative is not going to let him take shortcuts. Insert jack shepherd.gif here because WE HAVE TO GO BACK.

[yakdee]

Drunken Kisses & Mixed Feelings cont'd

In my last post, I talked about how Kawi's penchant for kissing Pisaeng while drunk might lead to the argument that prompts Pisaeng to say this line:

To my point, @captain-xandis dropped an absolute gem of an analysis in the tags about this scene:

#i totally think this is why kawi stops pisaeng from kissing him in the past #their argument in the future might go along the lines of 'every time we've kissed you were drunk' or something like that #and kawi not wanting to make the same mistake again will only kiss p when they are both sober

This sent me spiraling so I'm hopping back on the meta train once more. Wanna come with? Stand clear of the closing doors. The next stop is...

Why did Pisaeng go AWOL?

Max tell us that Kawi knows/is the reason why Pisaeng goes off-grid, but we never get an exact answer. So here's my two-point theory.

Emotional Exhaustion

In the scene before the second drunk kiss, Pisaeng remarks that Kawi hasn't been free to hangout in last three years? Well, that got me thinking. During the last three years, has Kawi only gone to find Pisaeng when he's drunk and in need of comfort (and kisses)?

Being someone's "comfort zone" can be emotionally exhausting, especially when there is no reciprocity and the comfort-seeker is your longtime crush who is currently in a relationship with your childhood friend. Needless to say, the internal conflict and resulting emotional toll is strong in this one, which brings me to the second point.

Guilt

We know from the 8-year flashback scene (anniversary of Pisaeng's confession) and Pisaeng recalling the day Pear broke up with Kawi that he goes to their apartment often (he even has a key card) which is why this look between him and Pear gave me pause.

Pisaeng's facial expression goes from slight shock to what looks like guilt when he realizes that Pear is leaving. On the other hand, Pear's body language (the way she releases and tightens her grip on the suitcase handle) tells us that she's angry but not surprised by Pisaeng showing up at this exact moment (the fact that she's standing between the two of them in this scene also says a lot).

Then we see her facial expression. She is visibly angry but there's something else. She definitely knows about Pisaeng's feeling for Kawi and their more-than-friendship situationship (her knowing about Kwan and Not alludes to the fact that she's always aware of what goes on behind her back).

And if that wasn't enough, when Pear leaves the apartment Pisaeng ends up being flanked by Kawi on all sides but is closer to a larger-than-life picture of Kawi while the real Kawi still remains (romantically) out of reach like he's been for the past twelve years.

It's no wonder our boy needed to get away. It no wonder he was feeling conflicted during that second kiss. It's no wonder that he will finally reach his limit and cut Kawi off?

And as @sparklyeyedhimbo points out in their post, it's no wonder Kawi is so distraught when returns to the past and is determined to "set everything right" because he simply cannot bear the thought of losing Pisaeng again.

Is it next Friday yet?!!

[syrena-del-mar]

Kawi's Journey with Self-Worth and Pisaeng's Reassurance

I don't know how to put it into words, but there is something so nice about Pisaeng always sticking to his guns about what interested him about Kawi was simply that he found Kawi to be cute.

Yes, there are millions of cute people in the world, but it was specifically Kawi's cuteness that intrigued Pisaeng. There was no ulterior reason that he found himself into Kawi, there was no deeper meaning. It's not like Kawi needed to do something to prove himself worthy of Pisaeng's love (even if Kawi thought that he had to.) Instead, Pisaeng was, initially, simply attracted to Kawi and that had been enough.

It's a simple reason that I think that Kawi will always have to grapple with for the rest of his life, probably because even though he may have found a sense of peace and serenity in his life after all the time-travelling, he'll likely still have some minor struggles with his self-worth. Love is not a fix-all, and (again) like what I'm positive has become synonymous with @bengiyo's brand here on BL reviews, "There's no magical dick. It doesn't fix." Even if it happens to belong to Pisaeng. When you have low self-esteem and issues with you self-worth, even when you take the most pro-active methods of care to combat these ideas, a part of it will always remain. Some days will be more of a struggle than others. So while his relationship with Pisaeng will not magically fix insecurities, the fact that Pisaeng is there to reassure him is incredibly important. I really doubt that Kawi will ever be able to fully understand why it was simply his cuteness that attracted Pisaeng, but the constant reminders are necessary in his journey to self-acceptance.

Combine that with the fact that Pisaeng comes from an uber-rich (and political) family, and Kawi spent ten years dealing with very little self-worth, it makes sense that Kawi will never fully accept it, even ten-years down the line into their relationship. Yet, the fact that Pisaeng's answer remains constant and never changes into something deeper than he just found Kawi cute is so critical in allowing Kawi to rebuild his trampled self-esteem.

While I think that compliments like that could potentially come across as either insincere or even shallow, it does more good than harm for Kawi. He spent ten years alone, in his small apartment with no significant social connection and his last true connection (his father) dead. He was detached from human relationships and he placed higher value on what he could bring to the table, doing so he shattered his own self-esteem because he had a sincere belief that he had nothing good to offer.

Pisaeng's consistent and persistent insistence that he adored Kawi due to his cuteness, at a time when Kawi believed that he wasn't worth much, is so important in ensuring Kawi that becomes aware of the fact that human relationships aren't solely transactional. His presence doesn't mean that he has to offer more solely to be loved and particularly a recipient of Pisaeng's love. Pisaeng's answer serves as a reminder of that, even if it's not said or understood outright.

It's a subtle reminder, a reassurance of sorts, to Kawi that he has worth even when he's not aware of it or when he doesn't recognize it in himself. His worth isn't tied to material objects or titles that are expected in fully transactional, interested, relationships. Rather it serves its purpose by becoming a verbal notice to Kawi that for Pisaeng, Kawi will always be enough just by being himself, that he always finds him cute, and that's was enough reason for him to fall in love with him.

Kawi's journey consisted so much of learning how to live in the moment, of learning the importance in actually making decisions, because there's only one thing certain about life: time moves on with or without us. When we live in such a capitalistic society, we often tie our self-worth to our social capital, the achievements that we make, the people we know. In turn, we can end up neglecting and stepping all-over our self-esteem in the moments that we don't reach those "social tiers" and start believing that in turn we have nothing to offer. When you let yourself believe that you're worthless and time moves on, you end up being left behind.

Kawi is worth more than his accolades and job titles, more than any achievements that he may receive. His worthiness derives from his authentic self and who he is as a person. He's loved for being Kawi. It's enough for Pisaeng to find him cute, because Kawi is enough and will always be enough. That constant reassurance is critical in shaping Kawi, allowing him to find his happiness and peace in life. He's now surrounded by the people that he loves and who love him back. He's no longer alone.

[ginnymoonbeam]

For the Top 5 thing, Best Writing

Oooh, great question! For this one I'm going to focus on the narrative-construction side of writing rather than line writing, since I'm consuming all these in translation. I'm picking shows with overall solid construction, clear characterization and motivated development, and interesting or unexpected choices that feel earned and consistent. I'll also name one scene I thought was particularly good from each... not necessarily the best scene in the show, but one that sticks in my mind as great writing.

In no particular order:

Moonlight Chicken

My favorite drama of the year. Wonderful characters, conflicts that feel natural, themes that resonate through the different characters' stories. Standout scene: Wen and Alan's final breakup conversation. Two people finally letting go of something they've held on too long, for different reasons. The scene felt so weighty both with what was said and what was understood without being said.

La Pluie

Talk about theme! La Pluie had clear, insightful things to say about romance and how belief in romantic destiny affects us, and it said them beautifully. Standout scene: Patts and Nara after Patts and Tai have confirmed their relationship. The heart of this whole story is shown in the way Patts and Nara each express their continuing care and gratitude for the other, even though their relationship has changed. It prefigures the explanation Tai's parents will give him about their relationship, and it's such a beautiful, uncommon use of an ex in a romance. The choice to have Tai watching and smiling is also important and lovely.

Be My Favorite

Great writing doesn't have to mean flawless writing. Be My Favorite didn't hit all its marks, but it's a case of "aimed at 12, hit 10," and to me it's a remarkable achievement. It's hard to do a time travel story that doesn't fall apart under examination, but this one is tight, coherent, and beautifully tied into the emotional and philosophical ideas the story is exploring. Standout scene: Pisaeng's rooftop confession. It is extraordinary to have a confession scene that ends in a rejection, but is still so clearly a step forward for both characters and their relationship. Incredible romance writing, I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

I Cannot Reach You

What a gem of a show. On the surface, a simple high school friends-to-lovers story, but the characters are so vivid and particular, their emotions so distinct, that the whole drama shines. Standout scene: Yamato losing control and kissing Kakeru. There aren't a lot of words in this, but here's a secret: writing isn't really about words, mostly. It's about characters taking action, and other characters responding. This was an incredible moment, the pivot point of the whole drama, and the scene that took it from "hey this is a good show" to "ohh this show is it."

Sing My Crush

I'm a big admirer of writing that takes solid, familiar beats and executes them well. Sing My Crush lays out its tropes and storylines in the first episode, and moves in pretty much the direction you'd expect through the whole thing. It just does it really, really compellingly, with characterization that always feels particular, never rote. And the villain! It's actually not easy to write a villain who's so fully believable and so fiercely detestable, and who occupies the correct amount of space in the story. Standout scene: the boxing scene! The boxing scene.

Ask me my Top 5 Anything BL 2023!

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Ok, I admit, I haven't noticed any colour use yet in Be My Favourite, but my excuse for this ep is that I spent the majority of it cringing from second-hand embarrassment and feeling really frustrated at the hazing, teasing, and 'girls do this/boys do that' mentality. But THANKFULLY Pear and Pisaeng (and Kwan to some extent) CALLED OUT that shiit.

BUT THEN we got THIS deliciousness at the end!?!

Kawi KNOWS Pisaeng likes him. He KNOWS Pear doesn't and that he (probably) doesn't stand a chance with her. He THINKS he doesn't like Pisaeng that way. And yet he's wearing THE SAME COLOUR as the plushie that Pisaeng gave him. That represents Pisaeng.

But this is only ep 4. Of 10 (according to mdl). It seems that the love triangle has broken apart. Everyone knows where everyone else stands. The endgame seems obvious now, right?

Well...it's a little incheresting then that whilst Kawi and the plushie are a mint green at the end, both Pear and Pisaeng had baby blue. So there are still some obstacles to get past, huh?

@respectthepetty. Pet! I know you have thoughts on this. I know you've been squirreling away hundreds of screenshots ready to declare which colour is whose. I know you've seen these colours above, so tell me what you think!

[shouldiusemyname]

Be My Favorite (Ep of All Time!)

Someone was wrong on the internet, and that someone was me. I was so convinced that pisaeng and kawi were going to do a bbs ep 7 this week. I was so confident that I said it.

Well @williamrikers, you were right, I was wrong and I am seriously happy about that 😄.

This ep was sooo good! They were going issue by issue and where it could've all gone wrong before, it was now going right. I feel so calm after watching this ep. Every reaction to every situation was so right.

Pisaeng challenging Kawi to choose him over the band and realizing that this gig is a bigger deal than their date and people are relying on the band. He's there to support but mainly to sulk at Kawi because he feels ignored. Which is cute really.

Pisaeng seeing Kawi struggle with that customer who's forcing him to drink, and saves the day by drinking away his liver for Kawi.

Kawi taking care of Pisaeng and really appreciating what he did for him - not only the drinking but also understanding why he needed to choose the band at that point.

Kawi being upset that people might find out about them, not because he's embarrassed, but because he wants to do right by Pear.

Pear going off on her mother - she went in with a surgeon's knife. She said exactly what her mother deserved to hear and left 👏👏👏

Then she gives her father an earful. When she said (I'm not sure it's the correct quote but basically - ) "am I even allowed to feel bad?" I was like wow, this is 5 years' worth of therapy you just dropped on your parents. You go Pear!

I loved that Pisaeng told Pear the truth. Their friendship is solid and so important and he values that.

I loved that we saw that conversation between Not and Kwan - this even helps make Not a bit more bearable.

I LOVED that Pear called Not to the bar just to make sure that he wasn't going to tell on Pisaeng and Kawi. She is the best character in this show and I love her with all my heart. She takes care of her friends and she truly loves them.

Before I go, I want to say something about the final scene with Kawi and Pisaeng right from when Kawi enters Pisaeng's home up to the end of the ep. This entire event was PERFECT. They could have created this whole conflict around the fact that Pisaeng told Pear what happened between them, and now Kawi is upset bla bla bla... But no, they chose to prioritise Pear and Pisaeng's friendship and acknowledge the fact that Pisaeng is more meaningful in her life and she is important to Pisaeng as well. And Kawi gets it. He's not mad, he's not angry. He understands exactly why Pisaeng told her everything.

I LOVED IT!

Next, they have this entire conversation about how Kawi feels that things are still going wrong and everything is falling apart no matter what he does to fix it. The one thing he's sure of is that he's not giving up on Pisaeng. There is no doubt there. Meanwhile, we see how things are falling into place - Pear rejects Not, Not explains himself to Kwan, Kwan says what she has to say. Like, things are getting better and you should just keep holding hands and be there for your friends because they will need your help.

I say this every week, but this ep was really fucking good. They were honest and appreciative towards each other all over the place, and I am here for it.

[twig-tea]

I am freaking out about Be My Favorite Ep8. So much happened! All of it so good! How does this show continue to surprise me?!

This isn't going to be coherent, sorry in advance.

First, the way this show never lies to us in the previews but still manages to make us second-guess?! I think @respectthepetty said this first and it's remained true; I was truly blown away by how the preview of Kawi confessing on the balcony was undercut but still borne through, and even moreso how Kawi crying in Pisaeng's arms in the past/present is made more poignant as we the audience realize that Kawi's also reacting to what he knows happens in this moment in the past, which is his father dying. The storytelling! The throughline from that moment of realization last episode! And the additional weight this gives to Kawi's decision to go back anyway, to relive this moment of loss knowing he absolutely could not fix it?! I am freaking out about how good this is. No wonder he hesitated before going back in time! No wonder he was overwhelmed! I'm not ok.

Then that bit about Kawi asking Pisaeng to stay away in public!! As @lurkingshan said this show is definitely paralleling Krist's real experience and real history, and as an apologist/redemption vehicle I have to say it is doing its job, damn, A++ to everyone involved in that decision.

Then we got Pisaeng's mother once again turning me into an absolute rage monster. @waitmyturtles already said what I wanted to say about this, how her suggestion to run is perfectly contrasted with Max's conversation with Kawi about how it may be more difficult but staying and fighting is worthwhile [note: no judgment to people who legitimately have to leave to survive, as a person who only exists because my Jewish relatives left Ukraine before the town was murdered! Time and place, nuance, etc]. I think @bengiyo is right and this woman is evil, and I always love a story where the banality of evil is allowed to shine.

Then. Then!! We got Kawi giving Pisaeng the diary. The way I GASPED. I cannot tell you all how much I was not struggling with Kawi confessing to Pisaeng with the imbalance of both age and knowledge on his side, and this show said "Not Today, Lying By Omission Gang! Full and Enthusiastic Emotional Consent Only" 😭 I have so many emotions about this. When we saw him with it in the preview I was worried Pisaeng had found it and read it and drawn weird conclusions about what Kawi wants (which...I was half right lol). Kawi really did not have to share this at this point in the narrative, and as that balcony conversation showed, it was a hard sell as the truth. But now everything is on the table. The secrets are out! Anything that comes now will be something external, that they can then choose to either fight together or let break them apart.

I have Thoughts about the future mystic guy showing up in this episode. Are we to take his offer as a representation of the "easy way out" and Pisaeng rejecting it as an indicator of his character [This is currently my favourite theory but I'm not fully convinced; it fits with @lurkingshan's brilliant meta about the way this show is pushing for doing the work, accepting consequences, and not taking shortcuts though]? If Pisaeng had said yes, would he have been given a chance to change his past (but it's a strange moment for him to want to change, having gotten hope from Kawi for the first time); or would he have been given a glimpse of his future to help him make a decision in the present? Are we supposed to think that Pisaeng and Kawi are soulmates and this guy is their guardian angel trying to help them get together faster (but he seemed happy that Pisaeng turned him down?)?

And on that note, I just have to say that I am as happy as everyone else that we're seeing Kawi finally take responsibility for his choices and their consequences, finally think about the impact on other people, and work actively to make the lives of his friends better not just his own. It makes sense to me that Kawi needed to see "success" as he'd defined it and realize it sucked before he was willing to let that go. It also makes sense that he'd mature more quickly after getting years of memories every time he goes into the future. And I think experiencing the loss of his father, Pearmai, and Pisaeng in succession via memory really helped him put in perspective who was important to him. He seems to need to see how something falls out rather than thinking it through in advance, so this seems in character as a means of gaining clarity. The way he was talking about himself with Pisaeng in that flashback was so interesting too, "you didn't tell anyone about me, did you?" as though there IS something to tell; living that future really solidified Kawi as Queer for Kawi, in ways his uncertainty in the present/past hadn't. And there's something lovely about Kawi coming to terms with his sexuality in the past because he's seen how much it hurts Pisaeng in the future if he doesn't. I also really, really love that he still hesitated, and had trouble getting it out because as @waitmyturtles said, change is not easy.(This also feels connected to some of what @dribs-and-drabbles has written about Kawi rewriting his sense of self in real-time).

I'm 100% with @grapejuicegay that I want Kawi to decide to live in the past as his present and to be present for it, and shockingly it seems like in this episode he's already come to that decision himself?! Which now has me wondering what the conflict will be in future and what it will have to do with time travel.

I'm calling now [get ready to clown] that Kawi's going to get too tempted to check his future one last time over a decision, even though Pisaeng tells him not to, and gets stuck in a future he doesn't like. Wild speculation: Pisaeng is dead because of Kawi and Kawi goes to the future guy for one last chance, and he's given two choices: keep things as they are or go back to the first timeline. Kawi goes back to the first timeline (because you can't ever really go back and fix your past), but takes the lessons he learned to improve his (and all his friends') present and future. This show has been really good at giving me better than I could come up with, and I'm looking forward to being proven wrong.

Most of all I just want to celebrate in this moment that this show is doing everything I had hoped (none of which I expected to get), and none of what I'd feared, and it has far, far surpassed my expectations!

[ellaspore]

Confrontation/Growth

I keep thinking about how growth is one of the major themes of Be My Favorite and while that’s something everyone does, it’s also something that’s prompted by our interaction with other people. For someone like Kawi that’s even more true.

At the moment Kawi is someone who isn’t capable of seeing or even knowing himself and what he truly feels. He has spent years building his sense of self on this fixation of what his mistakes and needs and wants are. And those preconceived beliefs are the same things that are holding him back right now.

There is a clear disconnect between what Kawi says and what his actions mean and this was even more clear this episode but as Kawi can’t see himself he relies on others to tell him the truth. That’s the role Max has been playing all this time, making Kawi question himself and face the truth of his feelings. And it’s this that prompted Kawi to search for Pisaeng last episode and kiss him in the end.

But the day after Pisaeng’s response was not to challenge Kawi and make him think about what this all means, but instead it was a reinforcement of Kawi’s false preconceptions because Pisaeng’s exact words were

“You don’t need to worry about this. Just forget about it. You were drunk. People have no idea what they do when drunk…What you should focus on is your Dad and Pear.”

And for someone as repressed as Kawi that’s just the excuse, the way out he needs to take all of this and put it away because “ If your life is going well, keep going” and he can still have Pisaeng there as his “comfort zone”.

And the scene above it’s exactly what makes the whole clusterfuck of the future happens.

Because as we can see then in the hospital it’s Pisaeng Kawi needs by his side and not Pear. But this behavior is never called out, never questioned, neither by Pear nor by Pisaeng and so the whole charade continues for years, thanks to the lies we tell ourselves and that others believe as truth.

This also prompts my belief that the drunken kiss at the end was not the second kiss of this timeline, but a pattern that keeps repeating, something that’s never questioned but always excused and that’s why things got worse. Because change and growth can only happen when other people question us and make us see where we are going wrong. 

But Pisaeng never confronts Kawi about this, both because he has himself convinced Kawi loves Pear and also because deep down he is afraid of Kawi’s answer. I think it’s pretty telling that Kawi and Pisaeng's relationship fell apart after Kawi and Pear broke up. To me, that felt like Pisaeng lived vicariously through Pear and Kawi’s relationship accepting that he never stood a chance and that’s the reason he was content throughout the years. I’m convinced this is also due to the influence his mother has had on Pisaeng, and the way she keeps questioning how others will see him. In this future timeline, he has now become a hermit and gave up the world around him.

In the end, to me it feels like at the moment both Pisaeng and Kawi are at an impasse. Pisaeng can now accept and love who he is but doesn't think the people around him will. At the same time Kawi now understands that people accept and love him but he himself isn't capable of it. Both Kawi and Pisaeng arrived at this point and changed their previous beliefs and got this knowledge from their confrontations with each other.

Growth should be done by oneself but it can only be prompted by other people challenging us on our wrongs wrong actions and beliefs and I hope that’s what Pisaeng and Kawi will keep doing for each other still.

(I wanna thank @lutawolf, the whole of the @coconuts-mafia and @akkrosu for screaming about Be My Favorite with me🌸)

[thebroccolination]

Do you ever think about the motif of handholding in Be My Favorite?

I think it gets the most attention in the last episode when Pisaeng is reliving their amusement park date, this time with better results. The first time he lived it, Kawi was nervous about the physical aspect of their brand new relationship, so he was grumpy and standoffish.

And he wouldn't take Pisaeng's hand.

But the second time, Pisaeng has came back from a future where they've been together for years, but Kawi's sick and Pisaeng is terrified he won't make it. Pisaeng isn't feeling confident at all, so Kawi approaches the whole day differently. And I think part of why is that Kawi enjoys taking care of people.

Even though this future version of Pisaeng is older and far more experienced than the one Kawi's used to, Pisaeng is also vulnerable and afraid, so he has to lean on Kawi for once.

When Kawi takes Pisaeng's hand, it's because Kawi's not only willing to admit he's afraid of the roller coaster, but that he's willing to take risks as long as he has Pisaeng with him.

Tellingly, Pisaeng says he only got through that time-traveling experience with Kawi's strength.

While holding Kawi's hand.

What makes their dynamic so sweet, so real, and so enduring in my heart is that they're meant to be like this for each other. It's not that they're destined to be together, because we see that there are timelines where they barely know each other. But their best selves are a match, and once they start to orbit each other, I think they can sense that they'd work better together than apart.

I think it's why so much of that montage of their life together just shows them hanging out in their apartment.

And why Pisaeng is so convinced he's the only one Kawi could have gotten sick from.

Once they get to know each other, they learn how easily they fit each other, and that's the way they live their lives. And because of how well they're written, it doesn't feel like the story just forced them together, but rather it feels like nothing else would make sense.

There are timelines where they aren't together, but those are the timelines that feel wretched. Where Kawi is alone. Where Pisaeng is living a lie. Where Kawi is repressed. Where Pisaeng is brokenhearted.

But back to handholding.

What I love most about it as a motif is that it doesn't just represent overcoming fear.

For Kawi and Pisaeng, handholding is part of their shared language.

For them, handholding is comfort.

(I had to include video for this because Pisaeng is literally trying to hold his hand twice. Kawi is holding his left hand, so Pisaeng moves his right hand and tucks his fingers around Kawi's.

My reading is that Pisaeng can't hold Kawi yet, so he's trying to get as close to him as he possibly can in any creative way he can.)

For them, handholding is reassurance.

For them, handholding is affirmation.

For them, handholding is intimacy.

For them, handholding is affection.

For them, handholding is friendship.

And for them, handholding is, of course, love.

Every time they hold hands in this series, it means something slightly different, and the fact that Waa took something so common in relationships and made it so meaningful is just another reason why this series absolutely captivates me.

It's not just that Kawi and Pisaeng love each other; it's that they became who they needed to be to fit the best version of each other.

And that shit makes me feral over them. :')

[jjsanguine]

@bengiyo talked about how Pisaeng's mother manipulated him into staying in the closet, which I didn't even catch the first time I watched the episode because her words are so twisted and layered. I knew she was manipulating him, but how long was unclear to me. But anyway I think this manipulation might be why Pisaeng has no friends except Pear. Apart from the fact that he's apparently being spied on wtf

In my experience as a woman in the loosest sense of the word, if I even mentioned a boy I knew my mother would be like oooooh are you dating??? And she doesn't even know I'm queer, this wouldn't be larger into any chance that it might just be a phase. Guarantee if Pisaeng was seen within hand holding distance of a girl who isn't Pear because Pisaeng has probably been shooting down the idea of being her romantic partners all her life and it's only as he approached 30 that he'd give into the pressure his mother would be all "marvellous, you're straight now, yes?"

So, guy friends it is, but the only guy around in secondary school was Not, and Not and Co like to drink and to be homophobic and generally prickish. It makes the chance of developing a crush fall to zero but like, witnessing casual queerphobia isn't fun, and neither is being the most sober person in the room.

Pisaeng drinks socially but he's never gotten too drunk to drive as far as I recall, so he is always pretty lucid. Not barely has a filter when he's sober, if the choice is between that as conversation and crushing loneliness, it's no wonder Pisaeng chose the latter.

At least until Kawi fell from the sky. From Pisaeng's POV, He's cute and he hangs out with the visibly queer Max often enough that everyone assumed they were dating. But Kawi told Pisaeng to fuck off in 1st year and approaching max instead was not an option if Pisaeng wanted to quash the gay allegations rather than fuel them, so for Pisaeng it was back to starting at the walls of his giant, empty house or sipping beer tersely while Not and compatriots tried to out lad each other.

Pisaeng's mother probably thinks friendship as in actual friends not just people who you fake laugh around and send some expensive gifts and then they agree to help you do insider trading to be frivolous and so doesn't care that her son is languishing because that's just the price you have to pay for money and power. And what wouldn't anyone give to live like this?

I feel like Pisaeng doesn't care that much because he's got a job in University even though his parents are rich. Like you couldn't pay me lmao to have worked when I was in uni. The only frivolous things he's spent money on are eating semi regularly at a fancy restaurant, arcade coins so he could get a plushie for Kawi, and jewellery so that Kawi could give it to Pear. He could live a similar lifestyle in only his DJ salary.

That he's a DJ is notable. His job is watching people come with their romantic partners, and friends groups and even complete strangers to have a whale of a time that he gets to participate in, even if indirectly. He's getting social interaction from work and barely because he's got mental blocks preventing him from seeking out the real thing.

Until Kawi from the future appeared and said we're going to stick together like glue by force.

[ryansjane]

I've been trying to ponder on why exactly I am so hyped for be my favorite, when the first trailer absolutely didn't do it for me. and as much as I adore fluke gawin, the difference isn't just him, but more so the reveal of the themes of the show. while I usually am not drawn to supernatural/time travel shows (I still watched & enjoyed some of them though lol so I should stop saying that), I think be my favorite is the first bl show to introduce a time travel that is wanted by the protagonist, and is in the goal of changing his life. usually, it is forced by a third party in order to achieve a random high stake goal, but here in a way the goal is even more high stake bc we're gonna watch the protagonist finally get to live his life. I think the topic of being a loser who feels like his life has passed him by, finally getting to go back in time & be himself is something that can resonate with most of us through different periods of our lives. we all have wished to go back to fix the past, do things differently, say something we didn't dare to say... that instantly makes this show way more relatable & interesting if done well. apart from that, it has enemies to friends to lovers which is obviously one of the best tropes created on this earth 😌💅 and I also think it's going to be very interesting to see how small changes affect the characters' whole set of feelings & storylines, and I love that this will be a more complicated love story, as while I love my fluffy bl shows, I prefer shows with at least SOME angst & it's hard to get that when the characters like each other since pretty much day one. here I KNOW I'm in for some top tier heartache watching pisaeng say he can't marry pear bc he already likes botkawi, and I'm very excited for that, thanks for asking 😌 ANYWAYS, all of that to say that I NEVER EVER EVER FUCKING EVER thought I'd say this, but: if done well, be my favorite has the potential to become a new fave of mine 😭 what a plot twist besties, I didn't see that coming ngl 😂

[khaopybara]

I have many thoughts about Be My Favorite since I started watching this show two weeks ago. It has been plaguing my mind in an absolutely not normal way. I’m making this show my whole personality and that’s something that hasn’t happened in a long ass time. With that being said, I just needed to put my thoughts somewhere... Does any of this make any sense or have continuity or understandability? Nah, but it was fun for me.

Pisaeng doesn’t get married to Pear in any of the new future realities.

This is wishful thinking but not really. Episode 5 I think showed us Pisaeng going through his whole self-discovery and acceptance of his sexuality alone (as in with no romantic partner to make him figure it out like @mikuni14​ explained in their post). Even with his mother being the woman that she is, who shoves her son in the closet while “supporting that community”, I think Pisaeng is sure of himself and mentally strong enough not to fall into heteronormativity and get married to Pear anymore. It would feel too dishonest to the character if that was to happen now that he said he knows what he is and that he isn’t the same 15 year old unsure kid. And also dishonest to Pear who said she knew he wasn’t interested in her and was only waiting for him to tell her.

Pear gets married to Not.

Am I happy with that? Absolutely not. Is it obvious that that’s the way the story will go? Also no, really. But there is something about their footage on the wedding party that gives me the impression that they are one getting married.

And that Max and Pisaeng are very close in the future too (hence why Max goes to Kawi’s apartment to scold (?) him about knowing why Kawi and Pisaeng aren’t close anymore.) (Am I hoping for them to be a couple in the future where there is no Kawi bc apparently Kawi becomes a jerk? Yes, but that’s not the point.)

Not is a scum bag and bully, and while I think that things might be changing for him in the past (because people are calling him out on his bs) we don’t know for sure how much he changes. 

Aye does say in the Be My Favorite Stories that we see Pear as this wholesome, bright and amiable person who we all love, but in future episodes, we’ll see that no one can be a complete angel and we’ll see a completely different side of her. Maybe that’s about her father. Maybe it’s about her work ambitions. Maybe that’s just something else entirely. I’m very curious to see her development in the story because she has been proving time and time again that she has the emotional intelligence of the group along with Max.

We know that Pear will also fight with Kawi at the wedding and Kawi gets physical with Not. Kawi has Kawi reasons to feel upset I’m sure, but I think it’s fair to assume that Kawi is crashing their party. In BMF Stories, we’re told that Kawi isn’t close/in good terms to anyone anymore. Not Pisaeng, not Max, not Pear, and not even Not, so why would he even be invited. I’m sure it’ll be a mess just like my thoughts on this wedding (s). 

Two (or more) timelines for the wedding party.

We have this Kawi that no one likes.

and this more dressed up Kawi.

Also this fabulous dress that I assume will be part of the story too and not only for dress testing purposes because Aye looks amazing (her dresses could also be different because one is for the ceremony and the other for the party, but I’m not sure how common that is).

Things in the future bad + go back to the present in panic

This has been brought up before, but it’s my favorite part of the BMF Stories, and that’s the moment when Kawi goes to/from to the future, but Pisaeng is in the room talking to him about his dad in the hospital.

We get the hug and the crying 

Meaning that things 10 years from now are shitty and he probably messed up big time. The director also says this is a big moment for Kawi when explaining the scene to Gawin. Watch how he reacts during the scene and try to comfort him in this moment, and all of that. 

Do we know exactly what happens? No. We assume that is shitty because he’s once again alone (but he has his fans because hey, now he’s famous. He has a career and prestige, but is it worth it if none of the people who matter, as in not only his friends but also his dad because I saw some people theorizing that Kawi’s dad will die regardless of what he does [and Pear’s father is not to be trusted] are there with him to enjoy his success?)

Now...

When the beach scenes happen?

When does Pisaeng tells Kawi that he’ll disappear from his life?

What happens to Dad?

What is Pear’s “dark side”?

And a bunch of other questions I’m sure will be answered with more questions as the weeks pass...

Be My Favorite might as well be one of my favorite shows that I’ve watched this year. Character driven shows will always have my heart, and it has been so fun to watch it. I hope we get a satisfying second half.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

My Weekly Roundup CW 29

This week was full of drama, people disappearing from other people's lives, evil antagonists, good acting and a lot of good communication. I loved so much about this weeks episodes and before I'll start, let me tell you "Team Roommates for the win!".

And yes, this will contain spoilers!

→ 1. Be My Favorite (Ep 9)

Okay, so not quite as much fluff as I had hoped for, but it was enough for me in the end. I thought the conversations were very well done again and a drunken pisaeng is just ADORABLE!

Kawi is on his way to finally understand that he can't save every future. He needs to have faith in people to go their own way. It is not in his hands that other people won't make mistakes and have no regrets. He will continue to make mistakes himself, but he can try to be the best version of himself to be there for the people he cares about. He won't protect them from getting hurt though, but he can be there for them, catching them before they fall so they can go off and make other mistakes. But it's not up to him to make the decisions about what makes a person happy and what doesn't. And I love that he has Pisaeng as a partner by his side, that he also clearly told him he wants to be able to see them both as equals so that Pisaeng's money doesn't create a power imbalance and I love it so much! I love their communication so much 😭 I hope Paer can work things out with her mom and maybe talk to her dad. Kwan and Paer both desperately need to realize their own worth and just keep their hands off Not. He should end up reap the fruits of being an asshole in the end. Please let an asshole character just be an asshole for once.

☼ 2. Wedding Plan (Ep 1)

I vibe this series so much! Oh my god! I saw the trailer and knew this series was going to captivate me. I'm into this forbidden love. Nuea is my spirtit animal! I find his love for food and dislike for gyms very relatable. I knew it wasn't going to be a classic cheating story, but am still a bit confused by how active Yiwa is in helping Lom flirt with Nuea. I'm definitely curious to see what exactly is behind the two of them and their marriage, and if a wedding between Nuea and Lom will happen in the end. That the visuals will be good in a Mame series is kind of a law, so I'm not surprised by the cast, but this birthmark on Lom's nose has a certain effect on me that I didn't know was possible. I mean look at him!

Normally I'm always a little restrained in the first episode of series, but here I'm just on fire and I apparently have to make that known, otherwise it eats me up inside 😅 I find it funny to see how he majority on here went off on PrapaiSky's wedding, and every little piece of them and PayuRain was giffed and I couldn't care less. But I am very happy to see a gay wedding! So yeah, I can't wait for the next episode! But the subtitles really are something else on iQiyi!

But you would definitely be famous for having a crush on a broom!

↑ 3. Stay With Me (Ep 9-12)

Oh man, so much has happened. First Su Yu and Wu Bi move in together, because Su Yu's dad got married and now has a new family, so to speak, in which Su Yu doesn't want to force himself in. And he wishes so much it was different, but after the mother has found a new family and the father has now also remarried, it has once again become clear to him that he also wants someone whose love is just for him and that he doesn't have to share with anyone 😭 And Wu Bi sits there and just looks at him with these puppy dog eyes and holds him by the arm - there is this person, you just have to finally admit it to yourself too. Yes, and then we see moments where Su Yu uses Wu Bi's butt as a pillow and they're bickering together and their apartment is so wonderfully colorful and lovingly decorated and welcoming and just beautiful and I'm floating through all the seventh clouds...

... and then along comes the evil ex who isn't actually an ex but acts like she is and tries to get in between Wu Bi and Su Yu and apparently she's somewhat successful at it and my gosh, what a pain in the ass that person is! I can't stand her. Great actress but such a crappy character. I hope Su Yu sees through her lies and obvious attempt to drive a wedge between them. Let her just run off with the cousin again and never come back! Surely she should realize that Su Yu doesn't like her anymore and that he is indeed Wu Bi's.

This is frustrating. I want to have Friday and be able to continue watching 😅

↓ 4. Tokyo In April Is... (Ep 6)

For a short moment I really thought that Ren was lying unconscious or knocked out by some drug in Sanada's bed at the end. I got hot and cold for a moment. Fortunately he wasn't. My heart would not have survived that after the episode. So Ren has disappeared again and Kazuma sits alone in the cold and dark apartment, thinking about all the beautiful memories he had made with Ren during the past weeks.

The only thing missing was that he would have grabbed one of Ren's t-shirts and curled up on the bed sniffing it. Then I would have done the same with a box of tissues here. Not that I didn't know that would happen, but still, it hurts. And then to watch Ren break down while Kazuma was waiting for him at home... The series keeps on hurting really good!

↑ 5. Hidden Agenda (EP 3)

Okay, I admit it, I'm starting to get hooked on the series. I love Joke. And I love that he could go on dates with Zo without having to reveal himself. Slowly, though, he's realizing that he might have a chance after all and is really putting himself out there now. Sometimes I'm a very simple girl: give me nice music, a library, intense eye contact, and a pinky that finds the courage to make first contact and you'll find me melting on the floor, squealing blissfully.

The fact that Zo is also starting to realize that he should get to know another person first, and most importantly get to know yourself in order to know if you like a person, I think is so sweet. And the heart racing he definitely has... with Joke... This is a happy-go-lucky series right now.

↓ 6. Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Ep 3)

Minato and Shin now live together, but of course they don't share a room, which is a bit frustrating for Shin. Minato, however, is starting to come out of his shell a bit. So he asks Shin if they want to go to the festival together and let him dress him. And this boy is whipped!

On the beach, he takes Shin's hand, only to pull back in fright when other people come running to the beach. There are two generations that collide in Shin and Minato. Shin is proud of his love and wants to show that they both belong together. He is not afraid of the world because he has not experienced any negative experience because of his sexuality yet. He experiences the world from a not-so-conservative lens, especially since his parents have agreed to let him live with Minato until the apartment is renovated. Minato has grown up in a more conservative world and has always hidden away until now. He is slowly letting himself be carried away by Shin, but it takes time. Such a learned behavior, and especially mindset, can't be changed overnight. And I find the process very exciting right now. It's nice to watch the two of them take care of each other and grow together.

☼ 7. Jun & Jun (Ep 1)

Childhood friends who lost touch and now find their way back to each other paired with office romance? Bring it on! It was really hard for me to watch at the beginning. My threshold for embarrassment is very low and all the action until they arrived at the office caused me some pain. I hope from the next episode it will be a little more pleasant. The first impression is still positive. I'm curious to see how the story develops, why they lost track of each other and if it will end up being a feel-good story like Our Dating Sim. One can still hope. What I can say is that the visuals are definitely appealing.

↓ 8. Low Frequency (Ep 3)

So something happened. The acting wasn't as bad as it had been one episode before. We learned that ghosts can do things if Mon lets them, at least Thames. And they can touch each other now, which led to a very strange and totally out of context scene where they touch hands, illuminated by sunlight, and it almost comes to a kiss. So yes, the setting was nice, but the scene itself was a bit oddly placed. What else happened? Thames remembers something more to the accident and is jealous. There are a few who come up as potential suspects and other than that, very little else happened for an astonishing 40 minutes. Or I just forgot all about it already....

→ 9. Dinosaur Love (Ep 5)

What do they all think is so great about cotton-candy-ball? He's a snoozer who looks like his mind is on a trip abroad and no one knows when it's coming back. And Dino... I mean, there are really intense series with jealous and toxic characters, but he's really the crowning glory of them all. The worst thing is that he reminds me of one of my exes. I think he was jealous of my bedspread itself... And that's how Dino acts... It's no excuse for obsessively possessive behavior that you like the person. The way I screamed at my screen how much I hate this! And what are these scenes? I don't have to spend five minutes watching Dino play a mobile game and talk to his buddies while cotton-candy-ball sits next to him grinning stupidly. Never thought the biggest enemy in this series was the fact that Dino is the SOTUS president and SOTUS members aren't allowed to date freshmen or be friends with them! Will they still get together? I guess we'll see next week or sometime in August... It's getting tiring, but maybe I just wasn't in the right mood for it today. Maybe the title is that way because it's outdated stereotypes that act as the main roles here?